"""•^:<^jvidV''. • I i>.n:o-u\ Srom i?}t fei6mti? of gprofeBBor T3?ifftam %tXKX2 (Breen (J$equeat^eb 615 ^im fo f ^e feifirari? of (Princeton t^eofosicaf ^emindrg BV 2623 .D38 A3 1869 Davis, Jonas Abraham. Judaism excelled JUDAISM EXCELLED: »U tuf )x (^otiViX^Un FROM JUDAISM TO CHRISTIANITY BEING THE AUTO-BIOGRAPHY OF / V JONAS ABRAHAM DAVIS. " God having provided some better thing for us. The law has become our school-master to bring us unto Christ. I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief." — r/ie Leading Convert from Hebrew Traditionalism SECOND EDITION— Revised and Rewritten. PHILADELPHIA : PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR BY J A. WAGENSELLER No. 23 North Sixth Street, above Market. 1869. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1869, Bx JONAS ABRAHAM DAVIS, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Western District of Pennsylvania. To ALi. Israelites indeed, Those who welcome the " consolation of Israel ; " To all TRUE Christians, Distributed among divers denominations, Yet alike animated by the apostolic spirit Which breathes its " hearty desire and prayer to God That Israel may be saved ; " To the innumerable company of eager ears That have listened with manifest interest, Shown in abundant smiles and tears, Whenever from time to time I have felt free To " declare what God hath done for my soul : " And with these. To the large number of personal friends. Whose kindly whispers have conspired To urge the writing of a history That pleased them in the relating; To my FELLOW-LABORER in Christ, The Rev. J. H. Appleton, Whose warm interest in behalf of my dear nationality Vies with his esteem and assistance in favor of myself; And to ALL WHO PRAY That Messiah may be crowned "Lord of All," I AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATE This Second Edition of my Auto-Biography. CONTENTS. Chapter. I. Abrahamic Descent, Page. 21 n. Early Afflictions, - - 23 m. School Experiences, 29 lY. A Growth of Prejudices, - 36 V. Death's Second Knocking, 44 YI. Pork and Hypocrisy, - 50 vn. Altered Programme, 58 \ 1 1 r. Ho! FOR Phylacteries, - 67 IX. Progress Backward, 82 X. Off the Track, - 95 XI. Love's Episode, - - - - 107 Xil. The Trapper Trapped, . 110 Xiii. Struggling to Get Free, - 124 XiV. The Battle Eaging, - - 140 XV. Messiah's Victory, - 163 XVI. Captive Exile Loosed, - 168 xvn. The JSTews Proclaimed, - - 178 VI CONTENTS. Chapter. Page. XYin. Light out of Darkness, - - 183 XIX. In the Furnace, - - - - 196 XX. The Eelease, . . - - 210 XXI. God will Provide, - - - - 219 XXn. Messiah Symbolically Wedded, - 227 XXni Set Adrift, 233 XXIV. England, Farewell, - - - 240 XXY. On the Ocean, - - - - 247 XXYI. Self-selected Home, - - - 254 XXVn. Way Notes, 260 XXVIII. Thomas, and I, - - - - 274 Poetical Prophet, . - - - 279 Appendix, 281 ITEM OF correspo:n'deitce. Eev. J. A. Davis: Dear Brother, — How well do w^e remember when you, as a stranger apparently uncouth, first came to our house. It was in that eventful Spring of 1868. Your excellent credentials — then our only security — laid a recognized claim on the fruits of the season found with us. But how did you, albeit uncon- sciously, ingratiate yourself in our affections, while yet declining the hospitalities that so fitly offered themselves for your continued use ! And as if in consistency, how have you since hastened to matu- rity, yet so slightly gratified, a friendship that feeds upon our hearts as though it would devour them quite to fatten our friend. Your book in its flowing manuscript dress, though it came seeking scrutiny, proved an acceptable proxy. It is so like yourself — ^permit the acknowledgment — so simple and straightforward. Enlivened through- out by its author's peculiar humor, it is sometimes most refreshing in style, yet never exhibits the slight- est straining for effect. That artlessness, with which we should expect a sire to roll out the story of his VIU ITEM OF CORRESPONDENCE. life, is the reigning spirit here. We can thoroughly trust the record, while pleased with its meandering. Certainly a somewhat tragic impressiveness is imparted to the pages by the insight they give to the radical revolution which thoroughly transforms the total being of a Jew to the full stature of a Chris- tian. How strange that such throes attend a transi- tion designed from the beginning and demanded as the necessary and only complement of the infantile dispensation — a transition possible too in the easiest and smoothest manner, if the Judaism in question be but genuine and rightly understood. "Why then a catastrophe, as prehminary to the change ? Every leaf of the narrative gives instant, vivid answer. Ac- cordingly the sympathetic tenderness which moves the heart at mention of Judaism, melting into a fellowship of sorrow on witnessing unwonted if not untimely physical sufferings, at length bursts forth in the burning tears of an outraged sense of justice and anon sinks down into ever-wakeful emotions of unutterable pity : for the ensuing anti- Christian per- secution we behold, as a dismal proof of the utterly intolerant character of an emasculated Judaism. On the other side, the bolt once hurled, with what clear- ness and brilliancy appear as in an instant and shine forevermore the omnipotent energy and pervasive consolation of Christianity, that divine emanation which ever breathes in perfect unison a "woman behold thy son" with a "Father forgive them." iN'ow, by these opposite influences, there is produced in the reader's mind a balance of feeling between pleasure and sadness ; and this it is that gives, to a ITEM OF CORRESPONDENCE. IX narrative which can sustain it, the charm of romance, without sacrificing in the least, but rather making penetrative the wholesome instructiveness of tan- gible truth. That the ideal of such a work has not here been perfectly realized, gives (I think) credit directly to its candor and naturalness. Of incidental flaws I shall make no note, for of these you must be pecu- liarly sensible, being a sensible man. But I will admit, in anticipation of common consent, that there are, in your sometimes almost rustic depositions, many quickening passages which will interest to improve, and will especially awaken, it is hoped, a too dormant concern in behalf, not indeed of an an- cestral religionism, yet of those infatuated by the anomaly of a fungus tenaciously adhering to the dead trunk of a once vigorous Judaism — a Judaism which, as pure, became when fulfilled nothing less than our expansive Christianity. 1^0 heir under the ^ew Testament is ignorant of his ultimate indebtedness to ancient Judaism. 'No Christian, having assumed this debt, can be indifier- ent to the religious movements and spiritual destiny of " Israel after the flesh." No mourner who earths over most precious clay of, alas, even impenitent dead, can yet feel such bitterness as he who, in giving se- pulture, is pierced as by dagger point with the excru- ciating reflection, that the fatal rejection of Messiah is made icell nigh inevitable hy a literal extinction of mental vision in the Jewish child. Every youth therefore who has so much as a connection with Christian educators, will heartily thank God for this distinc- X ITEM OF CORRESPONDENCE. tion, and tlien (we trust) bending with unfeigned pity over too clearly and sadly marked " olive branch- es/' will do at least in prayer, what can be done thus if in no other way, for the dehverance of Israel from their worse than Arctic darkness. God speed the day, when the branded, fugitive nation will receive the blood that speaketh better things than that of Abel, and antitypical Cain spring with incredible relief to recognize his renovated and messianic archetype in him, who is resembled by one more child of Abraham in the change which enabled him to say what the dialect of Targums is pecuharly strong in expressing — Be ye patterned by me pre- cisely as I also indeed am by Messiah. And may yom' sincere effort subserve this desiderated result. Yours and Israel's, By the Holy Proselytism of Faith, J. H. A. New Yobk Citt, May 21st, 1869. PEEFACE. In presenting for your perusal a Mstory of my youtli and conversion from Judaism to Christianity, I expect to say but little witli reference to tlie customs of my dear brethren, the Jews. Books are multiplied all over the world that impart the necessary informa- tion upon this subject. "What little I may write will be directly or indirectly connected with my personal history. The probabihty is in favor of this little book be- coming a favorite of children both at home and in the precious Sabbath-school; consequently I have endeavored to simplify all my ideas to suit the capa- city of the rising generation. I am aware however, that in this I am subjecting myself to wholesale criticism. Still, although I make no pretension to accuracy of style, much less to perfection, I venture to offer these humble pages to the intelligent reader also, believing that he will be sure to appreciate the motive at least that prompts me to obtrude myself upon his notice. XU PREFACE. I am not ignorant of tlie fact tliat skeptics, garbed in both moral and religious babiliments, will be very apt to doubt the reality of some facts here related, particularly those having reference to the providen- tial guidings of my Heavenly Father, and his singu- lar care over me. Yet I know at the same time, that there are persons who love to doubt, and there- fore will doubt, whatever the argument before them. Having learned to respect the common prejudices of the mass, I am not disposed to blame any one for professing to be ignorant of these things ; but surely they are to blame who, being confessedly ignorant, themselves presume to judge the more enhghtened. How true is that word of Eevelation which declares that " The natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him ; neither can he loiow them, because they are spirit- ually discerned : but he that is spiiitual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man." 1 Cor. ii: 14. Pray with me then, dear reader, that this feeble effort may prove effectual in the hand of the Lord, shaking however slightly the kingdom of Satan, to the glory of God in Jesus Christ. Perhaps you may be led to inquire what special object I have in writing these lines. I will try to satisfy you in few words. Having been a minister of the Gospel of Christ, for thirty years past, and PREFACE. Xlll knowing that I am growing old, can I do anytliing better, at this time of life, than to take up the Chris- tian's watch-word, "The Jew, The Jew?" All Christendom is inquiring, " What is to become of the Jew?" Few indeed are the prayers that are offered for Israel's conversion to Christianity ; while by far the more numerous petitions are sent up for their restoration to Jerusalem without any reference to their moral condition. Yet we do find an occa- sional Israelite who embraces the rehgion of the blessed Saviour and manifests a desire to take up his cross, and who naturally enough, becomes at once impatient to give pubhc testimony in favor of this religion, which above all others he once most invet- erately hated. Rarely however does the conversion of a Jew occur, without a consequent tale to be told of afflictions endured for the exercise of a free con- science. The natural result of suffering for Christ's sake is an experience of proportionate joy that buoys up his heart and overbalances his sorrows. And well does the Gentile Christian love to hear him tell of his pecuhar joys and sorrows, losses and privations, and the not joyless tears called forth by persecutions, sacrifices and general anxieties that he has experi- enced for the cause of the precious Saviour. lie must speak. He must extol the Name, that most glorious of all names which but a short time past he XIV PREFACE. hated above all others. Thus the church of Christ feeds upon his discourse, as he talks about the Chris- tian's warfare, from actual and vivid experience. The weak in faith gain strength, and the followers of Jesus universally thank God, and take courage. They see in the conversion of every such Jew, re- newed, hving evidence in favor of that religion upon which they are reposing all hope for salvation. As inquisitiveness is an instinctive law of the hu- man mind, no sooner is it known in any locality that a converted Jew is to preach " the unsearchable riches of Christ," than everybody becomes anxious to hear him, and hundreds do receive his testimony who oth- erwise would not hear the Gospel at all. Thus does the Lord Jehovah take " a worm to thresh a moun- tain," and so he makes " the wrath of man to praise him." "No wonder then that the Gentile Christian church feels encouraged, when she hears or reads the Jew's testimony in favor of the rehgion of the Messiah Jesus. Full well does she know with what impla- cable hatred the rigid Jew denounces the glorious Messiah — Jesus truly, though he was of I^azareth, aye because he had this very origin. Tenderly therefore does the church pity the scoffer, and deep down in her heart she evermore prays for the " Lopped off branch," knowing that, in the acqui- PREFACE. XV sition of each converted Jew, there is at the same time an additional, ten-fold evidence in favor of Christianity. It uniformly rejoices the hearts of the childi^en of God to see numbers flocking around the " Blood-stained banner of Immanuel," but when the "mighty fall" and the enemy's ranks are thinned, they still more rejoice at the prospect of enlarging the boundaries of the conqueror's kingdom. It was on a Tuesday evening, January the 7th, A. D. 1834, that I received the holy ordinance of Christian Baptism upon the profession of my faith in Jesus Christ for eternal life. So that at the pre- sent writing ([N'ovember, 1868,) it is nearly thirty-four years since I " put on Christ." During this entire period I have never ceased to declare and proclaim to a perishing world "the unsearchable riches of Christ.!' In a short time after my baptism, I was constrained, by stress of all my surroundings, to leave my native country and find a new home where I could worship my God with a free and unshackled conscience. My steps were directed to the United States of America. Here I have remained, preaching the Gospel of Christ. Wherever I have been in this nation, I have found different denominations of Christians to be of one mind relative to my conversion. All such want to know, and at once inquire, by what means I was led XVI PREFACE. to espouse the cause of the once hated, but now glo- rified Jesus. And when I have told them " what God has done for my soul," I have invariably been beset on every hand for a printed copy of my history. Many years ago, I gratified some by publishing one thousand small books; since then I have shi^unk from complying with the growing number of similar requests, until now I have arrived at a stage of life when all the attending circumstances demand that, if I would leave this witness for Christ, I should, while I am in the vigor of my mind, record the same. I have resolved therefore to publish more fully my Auto-Biography, thus still " Preaching the kingdom of God and teaching those things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ with all confidence, no man forbidding." I ask therefore of the reader charily for my imper- fections, and of my God that he will cause this httle book to redound to His own glory. To my Jewish Kinsmen : Dear Brethren, — ^AU my sympathies are with you. I take the hberty therefore of addressing you separately. From your infancy you have been taugh+ to expect the Messiah. Times and seasons come and PREFACE. XVll go; still you live — still are expectant. Habbinical data have frequently held you, only for a short time however, then to vanish away and leave you still as fondly expectant. And notwithstanding the truth is obvious to your mind that the long, long expected Messiah of your fancy has not yet appeared, you live to-day no less expectant. What strange infatuation is this, my brethren, that seems to buoy you up so long against the agony of suspense? !N'early two thousand years have passed since the true Messiah dwelt among men, and you are still, still expectant. Why, with one consent, do you reject Jesus of Nazar reth? Simply because your fathers continued to do so. To what serious delusions have you consequently been exposed, at various periods of your history? Some of your pretended Messiahs, having been suSt tained by the rabbis, have appealed to the fortune of war to assert their " rights." They have all failed ! And with no trifling damage, for the Eomans will bear me witness that their successive failures oc- curred at the cost of your blood, of your liberty, of your holy fatherland. But, I am not writing history for you. I desire to ask you, brethren, why do not your modern rabbis lead you to the light ? Wliy do they act as a drown- ing man who grasps at straws ? Why do they ex- 2 XVlll PREFACE. punge or explain away prominent prophecies that have any reference to the Messiah? They know that they cannot deceive you much longer. Though another " Barchochab, the son of the star," should again attempt to give the lie to Jesus of ]!!^azareth, Jehovah would not leave you without an " Akiha" to reply, " the grass will spring from thy jaw-hone, and yet the *Son of David' will not have come." The Almighty will never permit an impostor to prosper. How long then will it be, O Israel, before your long, long Expected will have come? Your rabbis have tried every expedient. They have en- deavored to reconcile with the character of Messiah the names of very many of the old times saints. They tell you, at length, that nobody knows any- thing about it. Still, you seek for hght. Who now shall give you the information you need ? Can your rabbis ? 'No : they who should be your leaders, alas, are very blind, — " they err, not knowing the scrip- tures." Let therefore the Prophets themselves speak to you the word of the living God. Then see if either of your pretended " great ones" answer to the char- acter of " Messiah." Dear brethren, I beseech you to be candid. Ac- knowledge your utter failure. Have you not had enough of rabbinical interpretations of the Targums, etc ? Then why not, dear brethren, throw off your PREFACE. XIX galling yoke ? Jesus Christ it is who is the true and only Messiah. In him dwelt the fullness of the God- head hodily. He is the Mediator between God and man. Eemember also, dear brethren, that the times of this ignorance, God winked at, but now com- mandeth all men everywhere to repent, because he hath appointed a day in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that Man whom he hath ordained, whereof he hath given assurance unto aU men, in that he hath raised Him from the dead. Receive then, dear reader, the word that is spoken for your good. Believe that as a Christian I live for your good. I preach Christ for your good. I write these hues for your good, your eternal good. 0, do not longer harden your heart against Christianity. Do not longer reject the counsel of God against your- self. Eemember, I pray you, that "It is appointed" unto man once to die, and after that the Judgment." Are you ready ? May the God of our fathers, of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, lead you to the light aa it is in Jesus Christ. Amen. Jonas Abraham Davis. AUTO-BIO QK APH Y. CHAPTER I. ABRAHAMIC DESCENT. I was born of Jewish, parents, in the city of Lon- don, England. This was also the land of my father's nativity. My grandfather on father's side was a German ; and, if my recollection at this late date is correct, I would say that my great-grandfather was a Polander. Readers as a general rule care nothing about tra- cing the pedigree of a stranger. l!Tor would I here obtrude my ancestry upon your notice, but for two interesting facts. The first is it proves that, in com- mon with every true Jew, I have " Abraham to my father." The second and more noticeable consider- ation is that I am the only convert to Christianity ever known to have place in the whole line of this ancestry, on the side of either my father or mother. As a further proof of their far remove from the reli- gion of the cross, I may cite the case of my great- grandfather, who was historied as a very remarkable man. He in particular was a very rigid Jew, and consequently an inveterate enemy to Christianity 22 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. perhaps rendered more so by tlie fact of his beiug a rabbi, learned in the Targums, etc. He Hved to be very old, dying in his one hundred and twelfth year, greatly lamented by his people. During his whole life, he had neither shears on his head, nor razor on his beard. His death however was sudden, coming on while he enjoyed the full possession of health and every faculty. So did he appear before the God of Abraham, the Giver of a greater Son, despised. "When he was about one hundi-ed years old, the Jews of London determined to make him their " Raaf " or chief rabbi. The language of his refusal is well wor- thy of note. " I have sins enough of my own to an- swer for, without taking upon myself the sins of my people." He died hating Jesus of IN'azareth; and his Christless death strengthened the mountain of animosity against the " Lord's anointed" in his pos- terity. But, glory be to the great Jehovah, who selected me from among them, and made me a liv- ing monument of His signal grace and mercy — me, the direct offspring of this anti- Christian sire. CHAPTER n. EARLY AFFLICTIONS. Writing about myself at this period of my life, I am like a man who having passed safely over a very dangerous road in the dark, calmly sits down in broad day-light to contemplate the journey. He goes over every minutiae with equal interest, simply because they were all on the road over which he has passed unharmed. The few bruises that he has re- ceived by no means disqualify him for the business of the day. Yet he has them, acting out their part in his moral nature, serving him as faithful memen- toes of the past, and at the same time admonishing him to exercise more caution in the future. How futile would be the effort of one who has never en- countered similar dangers, to make this traveler believe that what he relates of his journey is vision- ary, a mere whim. He would simply reply, " I know it to be so, I have been there ; I'm bruised, and I feel grateful that I am not injured more." How com- pletely analogous to this is the real journey of a Christian. I find it to be true in my own case ; and as the leadings of the di\dne hand are the same to- ward every true child of grace, I am the more embol- dened in my endeavor to gather together the mate- rials that proved to be of such incalculable value in 24 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. moulding my mind into what it has been so many- years of my unworthy hfe. Many are the hnks necessary to the existence of one chain. Even so, when an experienced Christian would glorify God by a narration of his experience in the journey of life, when he would stand up boldly before the fol- lowers of Jesus, and call to them as David did in Psalm Ixvi. 16 : " Come and hear all ye that fear God, and I will declare what He hath done for my soul," — then can he look at the smallest event of his life, and find in it something that makes a valuable contribution to his narrative of gracious facts. Thus he will glorify God in his body and his soul. And this is what I now intend to do. My whole life has been attended by some afilictive pro\ddence. Inheriting a small and feeble body from my mother, I must have been but poorly prepared to grapple with the sad adversities which commenced their ravages upon me at or about my fourth year. Scarlet fever, the common enemy of childhood, threa- tened to cast me into the jaws of death. To my grave will I carry with me evidence of the severity of a relapse. The existence of several scars suffice as reminders to me, yet stand not alone, the suffer- ing they indicate not being enough to answer the purpose of my Heavenly Father. Wlien at length I was able to leave my bed, it was discovered that I was entirely deaf. Internal ulcers had formed, leav- ing me down to this time with unsound ears and very little power of hearing. Continued and aggra- vating sicknesses still preyed upon my feeble frame, until I was almost past recovery. EARLY AFFLICTIONS. 25 Wliile tills state of things continued with me, it was agreed on all hands, that a dead saint, for a time of affliction, is no less essential than a little medical science. As a last resort, therefore, I must be car- ried to the synagogue, that I might have the blessing of the chief rabbi in my behalf. The name of some one of the Old Scripture saints must be conferred upon me. So "Abraham" was added to my name — which certainly benefitted me, nominally at least. Doubtless I was very innocent when my "eighth" day arrived, that day for the administration of the rite of circumcision. I had then been labelled Jonas, or Jonah, that is to say, "a dove." ]^ow they are gi\TLng a middle name, Abraham, to be translated " father of many nations." These, added to my dear father's name — ^Davis, probably Davids, a corruption of David, that is to say, "beloved" — afford me a chain of names certainly most euphoniously linked together: Beloved and dove-like father of many na- tions. The ceremony is ended ; and the condition of things stands something like this : Father foots the bill ; he is somewhat poorer for that. I have a " bless- ing" and a new name. I^one the richer am I for this. In the providence of God I regain a little health, still am very deaf. So Father Abraham is extolled for my restored health, and Doctor Kisli is blamed for the continued deafness. A short time after my restoration to health, I met with an accident, which well nigh proved fatal. One day, while at play with my elder brother, I fell, break- ing both my arms. This accident laid me low again for a very long time. But out of this also the Lord 26 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. delivered me, and for a few montlis my afflicted childhood moved on undisturbed by any new calam- ity. Little did I dream, however, that there was a sorrow in store for me which childhood may outlive, but can never, never feel reconciled to. The health of my precious mother failed. I did not then understand what it meant. But when I knew that mother was preparing to leave home for a little season, I began to comprehend that my own mother was really, seriously sick. And soon it pleased my Heavenly Father to deprive me of her. Well do I remember climbing upon that lovely mother's knee. Yi^ddly in memory re\T[ves the pale countenance that gazed at me through streaming tears ; tangible to my perception, even now, is that embrace which pressed me to a truly maternal bo- som ; and to this day do I remember her last hug, her last kiss, and that last piece of cake which she gave me, as she took leave of us all, for a journey to Manchester. I recall to my mind's eye how tardily she stepped toward the parlor door, at which she had scarcely arrived when she turned back again to the window where I was sitting, playing with my piece of cake. All that can be called mother^ flowed from her soul. She kissed me again and again. " Be a good boy," said she, '' mamma will soon come back." N'ot so, alas ! she did not soon come back ; I saw her no more. She died in Manchester about three weeks after she arrived there. Her ruling passion too was strong in death. She made but one dying request of my father. " Take care of Jonas," was its burden. She left five children, I being the EARLY AFFLICTIONS. 27 youngest. In a few days, my heart-broken father returned without my dear mother.* It was only then that I fairly realized that mother, my mother was dead, actually dead. After all, now it was that I beo:an to understand what it is to be afflicted. This providential stroke was enough for me. I was now without my mother when not more than six or seven years old and withal exceedingly puny. ITeav}^ stroke ! But alas, that she died in the Jewish faith, rejecting the Messiah. Still, revered be her name for her genuine ^drtues. K my holy religion permitted me to offer to Almighty God but one prayer during the whole course of my life-time, for the benefit of the departed, that prayer should be, God save my mother doubly dead, yet one whose memory ever lives as that of mother. But there is no repentance in the grave, though after it the pious heart twice smitten may find heal- ing. My grandmother now took charge of the fam- ily, while struggling in addition against the infirmi- ties of age. A few weeks after my mother was buried, I met with still another accident which nearly cost me life. A large bathing tub in the cellar kitchen had just been in use by one of the family who left it standing nearly full of water. Walking near it, I saw a piece of bread floating on the water. My venturesomeness at once prompted me to try obtain it, and while endea- voring to do so, the chair on which I stood, no longer backing the effort, slipped away letting me down into the water. And thus I should probably have been drowned but for the timely help of my infirm grand- 28 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. motlier, who fancying tliat she heard a very unusual noise below, came tottering down as speedily as she could and di-agged me out half dead. In the mo- ment of excitement, she tore off my wet clothes, and this being cleverly done, she raised a most spanking breeze, in the shape of a sound drubbing, before I had sufficiently recovered to know whether I was dead or alive. The disciphne, however, seemed an evidence of my good old grandmother's knowledge of " cause and effect." But whether she was a phi- losopher or not, one thing is certain ; the process she employed had two marked effects upon me, the first being physical, and the second metaphysical, so mor- alizing its subject that ever since that notable event, with its exclamation marks, I have hated the sight of a bathing tub. — ^But let not this reflect upon a religion that magnified ablutions. Thus far in life, God was my Preserver, and I knew it not. He was even then overruling my life for future use. He saved me from the plague. He deliv- ered me from danger. He cast me down, and raised me up. And although I carry with me the mark of his afflictive providence, yet I can sing, in spirit and in truth — "When in the slippery paths of yonlh, With heedless steps I ran, Thine arm unseen conveyed me safe, A.nd led me up to man." CHAPTER m. SCHOOL EXPERIENCES. Some time before the tears for the loss of my mother were all shed, even in the short space of about ten months, my father married again. The Jewess whom he brought home, was a lady of sur- passing beauty. She was only thirty years of age, being but one year older than my eldest sister, l^o longer were we a happy family. On the contrary, a dark veiling was now visible on the countenance of every member of the family ; misty gloom took pos- session of each heart. We were not sad because another occupied the place at father's side, but be- cause she was not mother. And when my dear old grandmother so reluctantly resigned the government of the family to her to whom of right it now belonged, and retired to her OT^^l private room, the pent-up sighs which for several days past had been struggling, and only groaning, mother ! — all now burst through the barriers, and with loud lamentations and tears, I alone entered the room with grandmother, and laid my head upon her lap in grief inconsolable. From that hour until I was sent away to school, I was he* constant companion. But I will speak of her more fully in due time. My step-motlier did the best she could, but she 30 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. was inexperienced, and so in wide contrast to " mo- ther." This circumstance, together with the increas- ing infii'mities of grandmother, daily led me to feel more keenly than ever the loss of my parent. My oldest brother having died a short time previous, but four of us remained, two sisters and one brother. They did not suffer as I did, they were much older, were not afflicted, and therefore could help them- selves. They soon became reconciled to the change of base, and launched out into the gay world with more splendor than ever, my father and step-mother leading the way. It was not long therefore before my uncombed, parasitical hair exhibited unmistakable signs of neglect. Although I was yet very young, my father saw that it was necessary to send me away from home. But where should he send me? It was soon de- cided that I must go to boarding-school. Prepara- tions were immediately made for a speedy disposal of me, and without delay carried into effect. I have even now some recollection as to the character of the romantic aspirations that took fast hold of my boyish spirit. Sad as I felt at the idea of leaving grand- mother, I could not resist the pleasurable excitement there was in the prospect of going to school, so far away it was, ten miles from home ! Where is the boy to be found who would not yell for very joy while under the operation of soap, water, towels, combs, etc., and then the donning of an entire new suit of fustian, (the storing of an entire new outfit being additional — a whole trunk full,) that he might have an old-fashioned stage ride, and above all, go SCHOOL EXPERIENCES. 31 away so very far, ten long, long miles ? My dear Yankee-boy reader, who lives on wonders, and travels by steam thirty miles an hour, can't see any fun in a ten-mile stage ride. ITeither can I now. But I saw it then ; and yell I did, from the very start until I fairly arrived at my school destination. Will my reader have any charity for me when I relate that the instant the stage stopped at the gate where I was to enter, my vociferous talking stopped, my romance vanished and my serial castles subsided into an unspeakable gloom? Yes, involuntarily I shrank from entering. I wanted to go home again ; I wanted to see grandma ; I didn't want to go to school. But crying was of no avail ; my trunk was carried in, while I was coaxed in. Finding myself in for it, I resolved to make the best of the event, and in I went with as good grace as I could possibly command. The school w^as in character purely Jew- ish. The principal was E-abbi Mosha Eleazer Solo- mon, and his assistants were his two sons, Zalmor and Shemuile. The location was Brixton, in sight of the world-renowned tread-mill. My teachers were certainly learned men, especially in that department of Jewish literature, so essential in an Israelite. Their school had the reputation of being the best of the kind that England could afford. Doubtless it was unsui-passed. But it had no seasoning from the salt of the Gospel of Jesus. Restraining grace ruled not there. The teachers were in their lives hcen- tious, and openly profane in the very presence of the pupils. But as was prophesied, "there shall be like people like priest ; " and thus by common consent 32 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. all here was pronounced "very good." By experi- ence I learned, moreover, that " being in Rome, I must do as do the Romans." Very soon, therefore, I took on enough of Brixton's polite literature (?) to initiate me into the brave (?) accomphshment (?) of swearing as manfully (?) as my proficient teachers. Doubtless the reader will readily understand that all the reli£:ious influences which had heretofore been thrown around me, were directly calculated to hold me firmly to the religion of my fathers. True, I had not learned to love Judaism, but possessing a temper- ament susceptible of religious influences, and knowing nothing but " Moses and the Prophets," it was not a hard matter for me to shut out everything else, when I was shut ofi" from it. And so it came to pass that at this school I learned to hate '' Jesus of E^azareth." Many times during my days of childhood, I had heard that name coupled with stories, ridiculous, licentious, and blasphemous. And I verily believed all that my dear grandma told me was true. My juvenile prejudices thus became established, for the one and against the other. But now it was that I learned positively to hate. It must be borne in mind, that whatever else a Jewish boy studies, whatever accomplishments he may aspire to, he must have a good Hebrew education. This is absolutely essen- tial to his religion. In truth, this noble language belongs to the Jew, all over the world. Having had a fair start at home in the study of both Hebrew and English, and possessing withal a disposition to ac- quire an education, I soon entered into the spirit of tlie daily round of school duties. At this school I SCHOOL EXPERIENCES. 33 learned that if I would be a good Jew, I must hate ^' Jesus of l!Tazareth." I would not for a moment have the reader think that studying the Hebrew necessarily imparts prejudice. E'o : but studying it in a Jewish school has this effect. Fortunes too are expended in acquiring Talmudical fables and Hebrew nonsense, which, if dispensed with, would retard Judaism, and frustrate its own purpose of hurting Christianity. Few persons (outside of the Jewish family) are aware of the great disadvantage under which a Jew- ish boy in England labors in acquiring an education. This is owing to the fact that there is so much mean- ingless religion crowded into the brain of the youthful tyro, and swallow it he must, even under penalty. 1^0 regard is paid to his capacity in this respect. Here, he has no election. Here, he must learn that his Gentile neighbor is a doomed man. Here, he is instructed to retort upon every Gentile, '' I will not eat, drink, or pray with you." E'o religious instruc- tion is imparted to the Jewish youth, unless it is blended with something that is prejudicial to the character of Chi-ist. In a Jewish school everybody hates " Jesus of Nazareth." They speak of him de- risively as " The Christian's God." This abuse again is supported by ten thousand fables represented as being founded upon the Talmud ; for the ears of the learner are constantly assailed by strange words, such as, "Masora," "Talmud," "Mischna," " Gemara," all purporting to be correct exponents, either of the sacred text, or of the traditional addenda, the rab- bins alone forming the tribunal in every case. 3 34 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. After all is said that can be, to detract from the dignity and trutlifnlness of the Christian religion, another great mistake is made in attempting to cramp the expanding mind. The brains of youth Avill exercise their natural function. Many a time while sitting in class, listening to Rabbi Mosha tell some old, dried up, traditional yarn, have I seen a well-known, mischievous snap of the eye pass around from one to another. Eabbi Mosha always construed the satirical smile of his class, as an expression of approbation. So finally the young " free thinkers," feeling safe in playing the ruse, would be tempted to give free vent, and laugh outright. Sometimes, however, we would be caught in our own trap. The rabbi didn't want that boy to laugh just then ; and well would the poor fellow pay for his fun. It not unfrequently happened after one or other of us had received the benefit of a stiff rattan, that with smart- ing shoulders and back we would sulkily enter the play ground at recess to be instantly surrounded by a score of sympathisers. 'No tears would be shed, but with stoical heroism the sufierer would patiently await as his relief a chance to ease his own conscience. This chance was found in the play ground, and on this wdse : " I say, boys, what did you think of thai — wasn't it a whopper?" "Yes," speaks up Ike, " worse than that, 'twas a downright lie." "I won- der," chimes in Abe, " if old Mosha thinks that we are a-goin' to swaller all that stuff? " Somebody then swears a round oath, and so that rattan is doomed to bo spHt before night. It is not uncommon to see a number of the boys SCHOOL EXPERIENCES. 35 in groups, amusing each other with an original story that one of the number somewhere had heard tliat somebody had told somewhere about the Christians. Here somebody breaks in with, '' That's a he." " True as the Gemara ; ask old Mosha if it ainf ITothing daunted, each boy tries to shoot higher than his fel- low, and many a boyish tale is told, founded — of course — upon rabbinical infallibiUty. But hark, the school-bell rings. " Run, boys, run," and running speeches keep pace. The last one is — " Jose, keep your face straight, this time " CHAPTER IV. A GROWTH OF PREJUDICES. I shall doubtless find it necessary to refer to my school days again, in another part of my history. Having written enough for one short di^^.sion, I pre- sume that it will meet mth the approhation of my patient reader if I, for the time being, change the subject. The Indian's idea of the gra\dtation of the earth is not more absurd than the Jew's idea of the relation which the whole human family sustain to their God. An East Indian was once asked why the world does not fall? He replied, ''Because it stands on the back of a large elephant." " But what does the ele- phant stand on?" He replied, " On a large turtle." '' But what does the turtle stand on?" He briefly repUed, " Mud." Early in life I was made to believe that there ex- ists but one grand division of the family of man ; and that it is, between the Jews and the Christians. So whoever is not of blood relation to Abraham, is a Christian, and unless he submits to the right of circumcision and observes the so-called law of Moses, he cannot be saved. The Jew thus makes no differ- ence between Christians and Heathen. It is enough for him to know that you are not a Jew. This A GROWTH OF PREJUDICES. 87 alone, in his belief, will result in the loss of your soul. Christianity teaches a doctrine just as discrimina- ting, namely: "There is no other name under hea- ven given among men whereby we must be saved," but the name of Jesus. Believing this, the Christian heart agonizes for the conversion of the Jew. Al- though I was at this time entirely ignorant, aye in total darkness concerning all that pertains to Chris- tianity, yet sometimes a query arose in my mind as to what would become of all the people in the world who were not Jews. I never laiew a Jew to utter one word of sympathy in behalf of all these lost, lost Christians: I experienced none. I have heard the rabbins even exult at the idea that there is no salva- tion for any but Jews. In this sentiment my own heart participated, for I never knew what sympathy for my fellow-man, as man, could mean, until my imprisoned sensibilities were set at liberty, when I received the ever-blessed Jesus as my o^vn Saviour. 'No impressions are so hard to overcome as those with which we have been brought up. Prejudice from education is the chief cause of all the errors in existence. But in such a system as this, out of which, by the grace of God, I have been delivered, there is not even the show of a chance for the youth- ful mind to arrive at the truth, when it would em- brace it. If at any time a Jewish youth should inquire, "who is this Christian's God about whom I hear so much talk ? " he will receive but one charac- ter of reply — "'Jesus of E'azareth,' the crucified one, the impostor, the bastard, the evil angel," etc. 38 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. If an unsatisfied mind should still excite his inquisi- tive propensity, he will in all probabihty be amused with some rabbinical nonsense, such as I have been enlightened with. For example — " Once upon a time our fathers had a beautiful temple. They had in it a beautiful organ. ^ Jesus of ^N'azareth' stole it away and gave it to his followers ; and for this crime the Jews caught him and hanged him. This Jesus, my darling, he is the God of the Christians." What if the intelligent American Jew discards this stupid stuff? Wliat if it is an old woman's yarn ? "What if the more enlightened Jewish reader feels ashamed to be in company with such flimsy, linsey-woolsey talk? Is it more insipid than vol- umes of similar Talmudical infallibilities ? What if you reject even them? Is it not, after all, the very material that holds Judaism together ? Certainly it is so : and behold the proof when you are told that the ridiculous stuff which I have mentioned above, is believed by the old people among foreign Jews to this day, who, in order to show their hatred for eve- rything that they suppose to be in any way con- nected with Christianity, actually stop up their ears with their fingers when they have to pass a church on " Sunday," through fear of receiving contamina- tion by hearing the soiind of the organ. Jews further charge Christians with worshiping the cross upon which Christ was fastened. They spurn the idea that God should manifest himself as — a son. 'No; say they, "If there is one relation, there must be a chain of them." Now, it would ill become the nature of this book for me to attempt to A GROWTH OF PREJUDICES. 30 sustain by Ecvelation the divinity of Christ; but wliat can I do else than deplore the blindness of my brother who is ignorant of every description of reli- gion except the Judaism that has been crowded to- gether by rabbinical pressure into his unenlightened mind. For the rabbins are the exclusive disposers of the creed for the people, who must believe every- thing that is taught, whereas nothing is taught but what is best calculated to keep the mass in perpetual darkness. As a result it is found that these pro- fessed worshipers of the only true God, are, in re- spect to Messianic prophecy, entirely ignorant of their own scriptures. ! my God, remove, I beseech thee, the gross darkness from my dear, but deluded people. "Well did the " Prince of Peace" pronounce the rabbins to be "• blind leaders of the bhnd." Blessed Lord, save them from " falling into the pit together." A common error exists among Christians, which leads them into a false sympathy for the Jew. It grows out of the apparent zeal of my people in their worship, on account of which they are supposed to stand a good chance for salvation. Every professing Christian ought to know better than to submit such a momentous question to a game of chance. Alas ! zeal is not religion, especially when it is exercised in a cause so bad as to shut out light, when it seems to be imploring for admittance. Eut now the Gentile reader may wonder again how the once chosen peo- ple can remain so ignorant of the Gospel in a Chris- tian land, where so much light is shining around them. The difficulty at once vanishes when we 40 . AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. behold in them the truth of our blessed Eedeemer's words, " Every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved." This is true of " every one," Gentile as well as Jew. Still, making every allowance, it is matter for astonishment to see with what skilful tact the Jew evades every prophetic scripture that has any bear- ing upon the Messiah. From infancy taught to reject the blessed Jesus, he consequently imbibes an early hatred. This grows with him, it gains strength with him, and so becomes a component part of him. He hates, because his father hated ; he says the same words that his father said, and he uses the same prayer-book, simply because the rab- bins require it. Such is the position that I occupied with reference to the Christian religion, during the morning of my days. This is the "horrible pit" out of which the Lord plucked me. And glory forever be to His holy name. He hath set me in a clean place. I remember to have once read of two wicked men who tried to excel each other in fabricating a false- hood. The first said that " he had actually reached the moon by ascending a tall ladder, and that he drove a ten-penny nail clear through it." " I know that to be a truth," replied the other, " it's no lie at all ; for, while you were fixing your ladder, I was behind the moon, and when you drove your nail through, I clinched it." The lofty moral standard of the popular literature of the world to-day, certainly excels everything of A GROWTH OF TREJUDICES. 41 wliicli anciont seers ever dreamed. So the above fable can only be excelled by a modern relation of a fact, true as conjectures on the weather. " Bill was a notorious liar. Tom, meeting him one day, ac- costed him with, ' Bill, tell the biggest lie you ever told, and I'll stand treat' Bill looked quite sur- prised, and appeared to feel insulted. ' Why,' said he, 'I never told a lie in all my life.' 'Take my cap,' quoth Tom, ' I'll stand the treat.' " Corresponding departures from existing fact, and equally extravagant, are the refuges to which the rabbins resort in order to evade the force of the pro- phetical words which they are obliged to read. One example must suffice. The Patriarch Jacob on his death-bed predicted. Genesis xlix. 10 : " The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come, and nnto him shall the gathering, or obedience, of the people be." Early in life I made many inquiries of my instructors as to what all this meant. Every question received in reply a different evasion. E'obody knew anything about " Shiloh." lie was Solomon, Artaxerxes, Moses, ^N'apoleon ; he had been, he would never come ; a truth, a fiction ; a man of some sort, a myth; — doctors disagreed; learned rabbins did not know. But existing facts everybody, and so I, must laiow. True, I did not understand anything about" Shiloh," but I did know, and every Jew knows, that " the sceptre" has " departed from Judah," and that " the lawgiver " has *' passed from between his feet." This alone should be received as evidence that " Shiloh" has indeed come. 42 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. Yet a crafty priesthood can evade even tliis. " Sliiloli," they say, " lias not come, and it can be proved by — Rabbi Gerson. E'ow a learned rabbi is entitled to a fair bearing. He shall have it ; and it is to be hoped that he will not enlighten Israel by a man-in-the-moon story. Hear him I In his book, " Geliloth Eretz," the rabbi affirms, with an oath, that he will not lie in a single letter, but will relate what he himself has seen. He then says that in his travels he found a river sixteen miles in breadth, each mile being eight thousand feet long, and the river thus twenty-four English miles mde. The water of this river flows with such rapidity that the sound thereof is heard at a distance of two days' journey. The river is called Sabbatyon, or Sambat- 3^on, because it throws up large stones as high as a house all the week long ; yet it rests and becomes perfectly dry two hours before the commencement of the Sabbath, beginning again to run with all its fury as soon as Sabbath is ended. Beyond this river, he continues, there are many Jews, even as the sand of the sea, living too in great affluence and plenty. They have twenty-four kings and a powerful king is over the whole. He is Shiloh. My reader may arrive at a just conclusion about Xxabbi Gerson ; but he is at least bound to admit that he outdoes the man behind the moon. The licentiousness of a corrupt priesthood made a very injurious impression upon my mind, yet I did not dare to doubt their word in matters of religion. Ko Jew can appeal from the decision of the " Chief Rabbi," however immoral his life may be. Every A GROWTH OF PREJUDICES. 43 difficult question is referred to his infallilHlity. And some of these "difficult" questions are so childish that a squeaking doll might almost hoot at them. His omniscience decides all disputes, levies taxes, imposes lines, pronounces penances, prays for the dead, and usurps power over a kind of purgatory. In consequence of these manifest corruptions, I was in a great measure shaken in my affection to- wards the Jewish priesthood. But nothing had so Btrong a tendency to unsettle my confidence in them, as one circumstance of which I will speak in the next division of my history. CHAPTER V. DEATH'S SECOND KNOCKING. I liave now arrived at tlie close of a period which has covered two years and a half of my boarding- school life. In the proper place, I expect again to recur to this school. I had been home four times since I entered it, the vacations being but two dur- ing the year, namely, in the spring, for the Passover festival, and at Autumn, for the Atonement fast. In some respects these days of schooling were really pleasant. Part of the time I had the companionship of my elder brother ; and I was made happy by fre- quent visits from my dear father also. Many times during the school session, the old lumbering stage would stop at our gate and disburden itself of cer- tain packages of extras, all fresh from the hands of excellent Jewish cooks. This consideration, always timely and very welcome, had a tendency to recon- cile me to my daily fare. "We used to say over a Hebrew thanksgiving at every meal time, and always repeated the same words whether our bread was mouldy or not, whether there was enough or not, (and generally it was the not) A more appropriate " blessing," likewise worded always the same, which I learned in after years, had I then known, I should certainly have suggested to the boys, that it might death's second knocking. 45 have displaced the Hebrew, pro. tern. For the more special occasions, a crisp, common sense English stanza would have been a good substitute : Before we eat, Let lis entreat The Lord, to bless Our scanty mess." Indeed it was a great relief to my conscience, when a parcel from home was put into my hands. At such times, I used to think that my step-mother was not so unkind after all. But when I recognized something, as I thought, from the hands of good old grandma, not a hungry chap within the sound of the smacldng of my lips dare ask for a single mouthful. These stage stoppages were so frequent that scarcely a day passed without leaving a home me- mento for one or another of the boys. All postal communications, however, were forbidden, except in cases of emergency. Such an emergency was now at hand. A letter arrived. I must go home quick- ly, grandma lies very sick : she is dying. I did not now exult at the prospect of going home. In mute- ness I entered the coach ; silently I traveled along. I re-entered my home (?) in deepest gloom, and with sorrow grown fearful, I saw her die ! She knew me, and beckoned me to come near her bed. She would have spoken to me, but my deafness admonished her. Long and steadily she gazed upon me. I saw her speaking, but I could not hear a word. My heart was bursting. 0! that I could hear her! I loaned over her. Iler lips still moved, but now in silence. I drew a step back and looked at her through my tears. I could do nothing more. 46 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. The nurse had been looking on this scene in silence, hut presently she exclaimed, " Poor soul ! " "Wliether the exclamation was meant for me or my dying grand-parent I do not know. But grandma heard it and took it to herself. In an instant, sum- moning all her remaining strength to help her, she replied in quite a strong voice, " My soul is not poor, aint I a daughter of Israel?" She never spoke again. In her ninety-fifth year she left this world. Many and tedious are the ceremonies before and at the interment of the dead. And if I indulge my pen at this wiiting, I shall multiply these pages be- yond my calculation. Preparations for interment are always rapidly completed. Before the coffin (which is uniformly quite plain) is taken from the house, the entire fami- ly of the deceased are required to stand on one side of it. The clerk of the synagogue takes his place on the other side, l^ow follows the ceremony of each one in turn leaning over the corpse. This however is sometimes dispensed with. The clerk then makes a slit wdth a knife on the right side of the outside garment, and he tears down a strip about two inches long. Misery and rags are an emblem of grief. The female members of the family seldom or jiever attend a funeral. So that mournful duty devolved upon my father, brother, and me. Ac- cording to custom, the corpse was carried to the Charnel-house to receive prayers before interment. !N'ow followed the ceremony of walking seven times around the dead. Afterward, when the corpse ar- rives at the grave, it is set down over the opening, death's second knocking. 47 while the officiating rabbi, facing the East, says a solemn prayer for the dead. Of course the rabbi has a right to a fee for his services, and every Jew right- fully expects to pay it ! The regular fee was half of a crown, or two shillings and sixpence, or live York shillings, or (if you can better understand this) sixty- two and a half cents. As to the payment of this fee, my father had arranged with my elder brother to liand it to the rabbi at the grave-side when a certain point of the ceremony should be reached. It was the first funeral I had ever attended, and never in my life had I felt the pangs of sorrow so keenly as upon this occasion. My mother dead ! ]\Iy grandmother dead ! Alas, " they left the workl to sorrow and to me." Somehow the weeping be- came general, all for one, poor, old woman. So- lemnity was seated upon every heart, and sorrow upon every brow. There stood the officiating rabbi at the head of the coffin, and our position was at the right side. In awful silence we stood and gazed while another prayer was being offi^red to Almighty God for the soul of the dead. "Whether my brother forgot that he held the rabbi's fee, or whether he was solemnly absorbed in thought, certain it is, that he was not up to time ; for suddenly the rabbi opened his hypocritical eyes, and turning nervously toward my brother, he extended the open left hand towards him, while, without stopping a second in his prayer, lie tapped the open palm -sntli the index finger of his right hand several times in rapid succession, muttering at each tap, with greedy gaze, '' tip, tip, tip." My frightened brother Avas startled. I 48 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. watched all these movements mth boyish leer, wondering what was up. In a moment my brother took the hint, and offered him his fee, which he no sooner saw, than he grabbed it in a huriy. In the tmnkhng of an eye it was buried, with no funeral service, down deep in his capacious pocket. "Where is the boy, who is a boy, that could have maintained his gravity in the presence of such a farce ? I could not. This was a little too much for me, and in spite of all my effort to restrain, I bu- ried my face in my handkerchief, held in both hands, and was actually convulsed with laughter. Reaction had taken place, so this overcame me. I could not hold my unnerved body still. I laughed until I actually cried. Then the general and abiding im- pression that I was crying became again correct. My brother, meanwhile, was no better off than my- self. He had caught the spark, and was already bursting to find vent. I laid my head upon bro- ther's shoulder, and squeaked, " tip, tip, tip." This was altogether more than he could bear. In a mo- ment he too had his face buried, laughing most cruelly. Not being able to keep our feet any longer, we retired to a distance to have our laugh out, in a sitting postm-e. " Tip, tip, tip," muttered my bro- ther. That was enough for our purpose ; we laughed together until we were exhausted, and glad we were when the prayers for the dead were exhausted too. Our company of mourners, however, mistaking our merriment for broken-hearted grief, united with us, as they supposed, in loud accents of sorrow for the departed. Wlien all was over, and we were led death's second knocking. 49 to calm reflection, ! how we censured oui'selves for tills conduct. Still in our hearts we said, " ^lay our sin rest upon that half-shaved priest." Years have now passed away. I have lived many of these with the love of Jesus in my heart, and have preached salvation through Ilim to thousands of my fello^v creatures, pointing them to the great truth that Je- sus Christ " hath hrought life and immortaU ty to light through the Gospel." I think of the grand- mother we laid away at that time, of my mother who went hefore, and of my father who followed a while later. They all died hating Jesus ! Is blood from Abraham enough for eternity ? Can aught that descends from the Patriarch invalidate the breathing of the Prophet — " The child shall die a hundred years old; but the sinner, being a hundred years old, shall be accursed?" 4 CHAPTER VI. BRIXTON AGAIN. — PORK AND HYPOCRISY. A few days after the funeral, I was doomed to return again to my scliool at Brixton. So great a change in my feelings had taken place, that had I been sentenced to the cruel "treadmill" to finish out my time, I could not have gone into it more re- luctantly, I resumed my studies with a heavy heart, and the recollection of the past often drew a private tear from my eyes. My prejudice was excited against my preceptors in consequence of the con- duct of the rabbi at the funeral. Had I had control of myself at that time, I never should have submitted to be instructed again by a Jew. But it was vain to attempt rebellion against my father's wish for me to continue at that school. Study hard I did : I hked that. But several weeks passed finding me, one after the other, with a heavy heart. Every fresh talmudical anecdote that my teacher would amuse us with, served only to increase my dislike for them. One feature alone I did like : I acquired in these, ma- terial wheremth to persecute the hated Christians. The reader is doubtless in the dark as to any knowledge of the weight attached to rabbinical teaching — a teaching which is always prejudicial to the character of Christianity, if not in one way, in BRIXTON AGAIN. — PORK AND HYPOCRISY. 51 anotlier. AVliile I was under tliat immediate iiillu- ence, hearing only one side of the question, all their arguments, lop-sided as they are, appeared to he of magnitude. But since I, " hy the grace of God," have heen permitted to measure my ground hy the glorious Gospel of Christ, all their arguments iieo before it as mere ephemeral shadows, and sink as arguments into utter imperceptihility. The Christian community, as a general thing, are ignorant of the amount of prejudice an inquiring Jew has to contend with, and the diihculties he has to surmount, ere he can openly espouse the cause of Christ. Some of his harriers which are apparently insignificant are oftimes the most insurmountable. We ^^dll speak, for instance, of the Jew's objection to eating swine flesh. In after years, when I had surmounted every other objection against Christi- anity, lo, the -poor, inoffensive hog alone remained in my way. This may be accounted for by the deep- rooted prejudice I imbibed against hogs and Chris- tians alike, at school. Svrine are refused by tlie Jews, as an article for food, on two accounts. First, because their meat was expressly forbidden, in com- mon with certain other animals pronounced by Jeho- vah to be unclean, (see Le^dticusxi: 7-8.) That, therefore, is to them argument enough. Secondly, the porker has been used by Pagans as a weapon of persecution against them. It is, therefore, the more abominable. The Jew, therefore, as a Jew, docs right in refusing the flesh of swine. And an almost insurmountable ol)jection against Christians is found- ed upon their eating it. Blessed be the Lord for the 62 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. removal of every legal yoke in Christ Jesus, whose glorious Gospel teaches " what God hath cleansed, that call not thou common." Consistency with what one professes is a virtue. Young as I was, I could not help noticing the gla- ring inconsistencies that stalked abroad at noon-day, among my people. Some of these contributed largely to shake my faith in Judaism. The men- tion of hut one novel circumstance, must sufficiently illustrate this point. By the date now reached, several years of my school life were gone forever. Hitherto my life had been dragged along without variation or recreation. It had been customary for my father to leave the city every summer with some of the family, and spend some time on the sea-coast. This summer father resolved to take me along. The party con- sisted of my father, step-mother, two sisters, and my poor, little self; afterwards we were joined by a Gen- tile lady Mend. I^ow we are fairly under way, with steam up, spirits ditto, hearts light, purses hea\y, bound for Margate, for a summer's excursion. It was seventy-two miles from London, across salt wa- ter. This time, at least, I realized more truth than poetry in the matter, for it was not long before sea- sickness stiffened me out. I really felt as though I was being rowed up the fabled salt river in reality. However, all the company participated ; father too, although he had left his counting-room and come away for recreation, could not help casting up other "accounts" where there was more "room" for them. It really did me good to see their faces as BRIXTON AGAIN. — PORK AND HYPOCRISY. 63 woe-begone as my own. But never mind the little wrplcasaniness, cheer up ; we have safely arrived at ^largate. Cessation from study, recreation, change of scene and of air, with the unpatented, yet availing |?a?ia- cca^ sea-sickness, all combined to operate like magic upon my general health. I left my bed at sun-rise, and bathed in the sea before breakfast. During the day, I walked along the beach, examining curious shells and such geological and maritime substances as the sea would wash ashore. Thus each day I improved my opportunity, at the same time acqui- ring considerable educational light, much to the benefit of my health as well. "We took our meals only four times a day, namely, breakfast, dinner, tea, and lastly, supper. A few nick-nacks, or something harder, affectionately received " ad interim," filled up the measure of our daily necessary and unneces- sary requirements. But I was a gromng boy then, and of course always had a good appetite. Eating times followed each other in such rapid succession, that I found no time to have God "in all my thoughts." I didn't even think of Rabbi Gerson's " big river." One day, after a forenoon speiit as usual, " up to time" in all its appointments, I walked home for dinner, and being, notwithstanding, exceed- ingly hungry, I became rather ill-humored. At last tlie savory fragrance of the highly seasoned dishes reached my olfactories, and contributed much to- wards strengthening my hope as the servants set these eatables safely or unsafely upon the table. We observed the usual ceremony of icashing hands 54 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. before eating ; and at the table, prayers were duly said. I confess I was pleased with tliis feature so consistent, especially as I noticed that Mrs. B., a Gentile lady, was one of our company. At a signal, the covers were instantly removed from oiF the dish- es, which without reluctance exliibited the concealed treasures. One dish particularly attracted my atten- tion. AAHiew, earth, air and fire, water and steam ! " what's that ? " My surprise was soon dissipated by father's scientific carving of the beautiful stran- ger. The preference of dishes was given to the company, and each voted to treat the stranger A\dth common politeness, and cultivate an mtimate ac- quaintance. Of course, I followed suit. I assure you, polite reader, that we did not mince the matter at all. We all went to work as if we were used to it, for by the time we had finished operating upon the mysterious visitor, there was but a very small piece left on the dish, and this only for good man- ner's sake. Dessert over, we returned thanks, in the form of which occur these words : " When thou hast eaten and art satisfied, then thou shalt bless the Lord thy God." In truth we were this time all quite satisfied — but, as usual, what next ? We noAV left tlic table, each to spend the afternoon as easily as possible until tea-time. So letting others do as they chose, I, like a lonely sheep, strolled off to the sea-shore, where I amused myself in searching for natural curiosities. I had been some time at my favorite solitary amusement, when my pastime was obtruded upon by the, of course, unwelcome visit of the ladies ! However, they proved this time good BRIXTON AGAIN. — PORK AND HYPOCRISY. 55 company. And as I had long since learned to like my step-motlier very much, I did feel, on the whole, ratL'^r glad to have a little company-talk with Mo- ther and Co. We immediately launched into the performance of a sea-side drama, which resulted in welding another link to my chain of events. The actors were step-mother, grown sister, Gentile lady, and this little self. Sister. "You are enjoying yourself finely — got any shells ? " "Don't you feel lonesome? come walk with us!" hogged mother. Gentile. "Jonas, how did you like your dinner to-day?" " Yery well," I said, rather unconcernedly, how- ever. Gentile. "Wasn't that meat excellent? you ate heartily, I noticed." Self " I tell you ! hut it was good, and I was so hungry." She smiled knowingly, while my ladies tried in vain to look soher. Such conduct naturally excited in me a suspicion that all was not right; hut what was wrong, IJvuew not. I knew very well that I was not poisoned. YHiat could he the matter? In a moment it oc- curred to me that perhaps I had eaten pork. I was frightened! "Did you go to the market for it?" I imploringly asked. " Yes," she replied. " Was it ]pork f " She looked at the comjDany out of the cor- ner of her eye : they chuckled ; she forced a smile, and slowly answered, " Y-e-e-s." 66 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. My mind for a moment staggered. I cast a repro- ving glance at the deceivers, and yelled out, " You h}n:)-pr-pr-pr." The stammering elongation of the Y/ord was occasioned by a sudden grasp of my older sister, who shook me so hard that before I could get " it" out, it was out, that is the pork came to an un- timely exit, giving a peculiar emphasis to my unfin- ished " hypocr-ite." " For G — 's sake," they pro- fanely begged, " don't tell anybody when we get back to London." The secret was all out now, and my feelings may be more easily imagined than described. I looked imploringly into their faces.. There was no help for me. Father also was silent, as the pork went on dio'CBtins:. ! what a dilemma ! I had committed a great sin, and was truly penitent. But I could not find a soul to sympathize with me. Had I been in London I should have gone at once to the Chief Eabbi and confessed. But I w^as nearly eighty miles from him. A thousand thoughts flashed like phantoms through my terrified mind, and it would not have required much argument to make me believe that I heard the actual hog grunt. Maddened at the consummate h^^oocrisy of my relatives, I determined — if possible — to swallow an emetic. I ran out of the house (to which we had returned) to find a druggist, so that I might put my purpose into execution. But before I reached one, my better judgment resumed the ascendency. I concluded that my sin w^ould rest upon those by whom I had been deceived. As for me, I would live and die, a Jew. Then I should be saved in spite of hogs, Christians, and hypociites. BRIXTON AGAIN. — PORK AND HYPOCRISY. 57 So far I have given the reader a fiiiiit idea of the miry clay in which the poor Jew is plunged. How well adapted to their leaders is the reproof of the ever-considerate Saviour: "Ye blind guides! ye strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel." Looking at the past from my present position, I am sometimes led to wonder why I did not in those days take a more sensible ^dew of my own standing. Neither myself nor any other Jew had the least scruple concerning acts of immorality, under what- ever circumstances committed. Following implicitly in the footsteps of my predecessors, I lied, cheated, and swore with impunity, never feeling conscious of haA-ing done Avrong until my quiet was disturbed Ijy having forsooth eaten in ignorance a piece of pork ! Amidst all this confusion, I was in the habit of say- ing a prayer for everything I could hear, see, taste, touch, or smell; even for thunder, lightning, and every imaginable thing. Jesus fitly says " all their works they do to be seen of men." 0, Christians, when you read your l!Tew Testament, hear preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ; when you stretch forth your hands and humble your souls before the one throne of Jehovah, then do think of, pity and pray for fallen Israel, as you yearn over the utterly blind. Remember too, that if the Eternal God, for the ac- complishment of his own gracious purposes, keeps the Jew a distinct man; it is the very Judaism of to-day that keeps him distinct and incorrigibly as through and through a sinner, the more so if not hopelessly so, because seemingly religious. CIIAPTEE YII. AN ALTERED PROGRAMME. I cannot now remember how long my season of recreation lasted, but it matters not to either you or me. When the time arrived for me to return to school, I was informed that the establishment had removed to a beautiful section of country named Hammersmith ; so thither I repaired to resume my studies. Upon arri\dng I found that we had reason to be pleased with the change of location. There were other changes also for the better, which gave us entire satisfaction. The first was the resignation by Rabbi Mosha Eleazer Solomon, of his position, which had passed temporarily into the hands of his two sons, Shemuile and Zalmer. I must say that we liked both of them ; they were more thoroughly modernized in every respect. It had long been painfully evident (as our backs often testified, and our stomachs bore witness) that a re- form was needed. Some of the improvements were of a high order. It was necessary to fill the vacancy made by the rab- bi's resignation. This was done by the acquisition of a superior model of a man, who, though a Gen- tile, was a finished gentleman, and an eminent schol- ar. He and Zalmer took the English and scientific 68 AN ALTERED PROGRAMME. 59 departments. Then we had a large burly French- man, Monsieur Shohert, as professor of modern lan- guages, lie took snuii' out of a shovel, one shovel- ful to each nostril. There remained Shemuile, assisted occasionally by Zalmer, as professor of Hebrew literature. These things, with much more, gave us all a new zest for our school. There were reforms in the regimen also, which we had reason to exult over. And first, we were not, as heretofore, allowanced in our rations. Secondly, we were as- sured that the bread should never again be mouldy. Thirdly, fresh meat was to be provided twice a week instead of once, as hitherto. Fourthly, we were to have a little mustard. The doctor said mustard was a good vermifuge. It was, therefore, desired as preventing a profitless consumption of food. After Shemuile had enlightened us upon these and kindred delightful topics, and had fairly arrived at the end, one of the boys (I dare not tell his name) here put a question, greatly to the merriment of all the old Brixton pupils. " Are you going to make us drink Epsom salts ? " he asked. Down went the rattan on the desk. Silence ! "We obeyed. But let me indicate why hatred fell on salts. When a boy, I did so dislike to drink a solution of these. JSTow our Spring vacation occurred in April, in time for the Passover festival. Toward the close of the term, old ^losha used to make us march in single file to the breakfast table. At the door stood a waiter to hand each boy a tin-cup full of salts ; and Mosha himself was sentinel, to see that every boy swallowed every drop, inside his neck, before he 60 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. could enter. The other teachers were stationed along the rear, to prevent skulking. Mosha used to tell us that it was good for us to drink salts before Passover; it helped to "purge out the old leaven." As a running commentary on his words, was to be noticed the very rapid running out of the school- room during that eventful day. This originated many a hard speech, the hardest imprecating sahne medicaments. School days were now ghding along pleasantly enough under the new order of things. "No more hungry mouths, and (considering our deserts) com- paratively few smarting backs. Our gentlemanly Gentile teacher, Mr. P., (0 how we all loved him!) exerted a finer moral influence over us than we ever dreamed of. In fact there was a perceptible improve- ment in our two Hebrew teachers also. They proved to us now that they too were gentlemen, and capa- ble also of exerting a moral influence. Heretofore, I had received several applications of rattan as an effectual remedy for carelessness. Its more careful use now made me more careful. Por Shemuile was a good metaphysician, and observing that such rem- edies aggravated the moral disease, one day returned my arithmetical entry-book without even a scolding. I received the book with a very broad grin (and my mouth was not the smallest;) then nudging my right- elbow chum, I wrote upon my slate, good for me ! Upon opening the book a short time afterward, I discovered that Shemuile had written something on the bottom of the page. It was handsomely execu- ted in blue ink. I read it. My face insensibly AN ALTERED rROGRAMME. 61 elongated. Somcbodj^ said to me just then, " what's the matter, Jonie ? " I pointed to the " hand-wri- ting-." " Assiduous at study yet negUgent in entering his various sums." My pride was roused. Shemuile had cured me. Satisfied as I felt with my school, nothing was sufficient to erase from my mind the impressions which the ^largate deception had made. I felt that, sliould anything more transpire akin to it, it would he attended mth very serious results. As it had already happened, its tendency varied. Sometimes I hated Christians more for it, then I blamed Mrs. B. exclusively. But in the main it only sei'ved to ex- pose the fallacy of Judaism. I never spoke of the circumstance to any one ; hut my mind would not lie at rest, my conscience w^as only lulled by the reflec- tion that I was still secure in " Abraham." As time thus passed along and I enjoyed the rule of my new masters, a circumstance occurred which seriously disturbed my equanimity. One day while the Hebrew class was chanting the lesson, we were visited by Rabbi Moslia. As a rule it devolved upon me principally to chant a special portion assigned to a particular occasion. This season happened on the Sabbath following the next fourth day of April, at which time I should be thirteen years old. But I v/ill speak of that event in its turn. Kabbi ^losha w^as certainly unusually prolific in yarns of " the same old sort." And somebody's skep- ticism kept pace with him. At length recess was announced. Shut within a high brick wall enclo- sure, six months at a time, it was difficult for lively 62 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. boys to live, forever playing with the self-same ball. "We wanted some new plaything. Eabbi Mosha had given us an idea. " Boys, let's play ' Christians,' " sounded a voice. This proposition brought the croAvd to a stand-still. " IIow shall we do it?" was the echo. On it went, " I know, I'll tell yur, I'll show yur." " Wlio's got a piece of chalk ? " " That's the thing." A large cross was now made on the wall. This done, we all tumbled down on our knees before it, and every sinner of us made as queer a noise and as ugly a grimace as possible. While we were in this posture, exercising ourselves in very strange gesticulations, with minds absorbed in our tragi-comedy, " witch of Endor," and representation of kindred spirits, — Eabbi Zalmer detected us ! In a moment he flew into high passion. Equally as quick we were upon our feet. Some of us had our faces chalked ; others had laughed until tears came, leaving their faces begrimed with dirt ; some were angry because the sport was spoiled, and others again trembled for the consequences. There we stood, an amateur band of auto-de-fe, before poor Zalmer. He marched us one by one into the school- room. Order first, "Lay down your caps." This is done. Order second, " Take off your coats and vests." These left us. Then he commenced at the head of the column, and with a stiff rattan inflicted a most unmerciful flagellation upon every one of us in turn. Some yelling arose then, but when after- wards we received our lecture that we ought not to imitate the Christians even in jest, some of our teeth set firmly, and a spirit said " You lie." At length AN ALTERED PROGRAMME. G3 we were set at liberty, vowing vengeance upon the instrument of our torture, which we spUt before night. Mr. P., the Gentile teacher, looked on mean- while from his silent rostrum, pale as death. Murmuring and mutiny were the further residts of this whole transaction. We actually envied our sisters at home who were free from such penance. We soon found a chance to exhibit our bruised backs to each other. " Would I were a girl," I said, " they don't have to go through such everlasting ' Rosha and Gemara ' stuff o' nonsense." Here one of the boys reminded me of a "prayer" we should all have to say every morning of our lives after we are thirteen years old. " I thank thee, Father, King of the universe, that thou hast not made me a wo- man." For the time being I forgot my punishment and laughed right out. " I've only seen one time," said I, '^ that I uttered that prayer. Last summer when I was at home, my sisters were going to a ball. Wliile they were dressing, my younger sister set to bawling for me to come and hook her dress, as all the other hands were engaged. I set to work, get- ting my knee against her back and pulling lustily. The hooks slipped in their eyes with a click. I got the last in, and there stood my charming sister look- ing more like a wasp than a girl. Selin, I now asked, are you going to dance skewered up in this way ? She put her hands on her sides and — belched ! ' Thank God I'm not a woman,' I added." This narration brought out a general laugh, and restored order and obedience. But Avith me the tragedy did not end here. I 64 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. could not become reconciled to the bigotry that had imposed upon me so severe a flogging. Several days afterwards, I was careless about my prayers and eve- rything of a Jewish character. I could not for my life understand how religion of any kind could be crammed into a boy's head (I never thought about the heart) by torturing his back. Thus I reasoned and murmured, until the very sight of an adult Jew filled me with disgust. After many days, however, I became more reconciled, and in a magnanimous, forgiving spirit, I exclaimed, " Judah, with all thy faults I love thee still." There is certainly a meaning in the proverb, " Ex- perience is the wisdom of fools." In my case it was eminently verified. Thus it came to pass that a combination of circumstances, some trifling and others weighty, had a tendency to point out to me the defects of Judaism, and ultimately to lead me to ni}^ Sa^^our. Every new development made me more sensitive to the defects of my religion. But being religiously inclined, I was constrained to adhere to the only apparently fair claim of Judaism ; that is, to arrogate Heaven to myself by virtue of my blood relation to Abraham. Tl^us I continued to walk in the foot- steps of my forefathers. Abraham went before: Moses followed after; and we Jews will certainly follow on — this was my constant boast. But it is now many years since the Lord dispelled that awful illusion. I have found Him who is before Abraham — a true Moses. In my dear Jesus my soul delights. AN ALTERED PROGRAMME. 65 On Ilim alone I liancr for salvation. Dear reader. do you know and love Ilim too ? " Know ye my Saviour, know yc my Saviour, Know ye my Saviour and God? O ! He died on Calvary, To atone for you and me, And to pureliase salvation with blood." !N'othing is more common than for a man to plead conscience and sincerity, as lie " steals the livery of Heaven to serve the devil in." This was true of Saul of Tarsus, who thought he was doing service to God when butchering the Christians. It is also true of every Jew in the world, who vainly believes that he is serving God by rejecting the glorious " Media- tor between God and man." Thus it was that my conscience always either "accused or excused" me. It " accused" me for adhering to a religion which I knew to be defective. It "excused" me upon the ground of ignorance of a remedy. And although I had a disposition to serve God, my confidence in the " Priesthood " was still so great that I concluded, Avhatever my sins, they would provide means to " pay every debt and cancel every obligation" to the Almighty for my salvation. Many an honest observer has remarked the great similarity between the ceremonies of the Jewish and Roman churches, and been led to exclaim, " why this is just like the Catholic's ritual ! " while in fact the Eoman is but a poor caricature of the Jemsh, and modern Judaism is a corruption of the Mosaic sys- tem. Still it holds the mind in a'oject bondage. How smftly the arrow of time flies when suflfered 5 ee AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. to steer its course without resistance. But how tardily it drags along to the mind which is appren- ticed to be for years, daily burdened with a ponder- ous weight of unmeaning indigestible rehgious forms, from which, in darkness, it struggles to be free. This was too true of myself. An a£B.icted burden at home, I was left to be educated by bigoted Jews abroad. Thus rolled on my precious time, while the prejudice of education every day contributed to engulph me deeper in the abyss of a religionism from which my inquiring mind could obtain no satisfactory answer. Kow I know that the " eye of the Lord " was upon me all the time, and in His own manner in due time, He brought to light means for ni}^ deliverance. " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is \\ithiu lue, bless His holy name." CHAPTER YIII. MY GREAT DAY. — HO! FOR P H I L A CTERIES. Dear reader, are you anxious to read any more of my history ? Presuming that you may be, I will open this division, as recording what transpired on the fourth day of April, in the year of our Lord, one thousand eight hundred and twenty-five, at which ever-memorable epoch I arrived at the vastly impor- tant age of thirteen years. A new era opens for the Jewish lad at this time of life. Mj^steries that shrouded his former days now resolve themselves into a huge enigma. I will, therefore, first simply " state the question," and secondly, I will elucidate by an example, most mathematically. First. He is now " of age." Twelve years used to be the period, but the rabbins, being very honest, allow a " baker's dozen." Second. He is rabbinically capable of taking care of himself. Third. Anciently he might disinherit himself by receiving from his father his " portion of goods," at this time. This practice, though supposed to have been customary in the East, is rarely repeated by European Jews. It may throw some light upon the parable of the " Prodigal Son," as recorded by the Evanglist, Luke xv : 11 to the end. 07 68 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. Foiirtli. He then receives his phylacteries. Hold on, reader, don't be impatient. I promised to ekici- date. Fiftli. He is taken into the number necessary to the ten, for saying certain important prayers. Sixth. lie must chant a portion of the Law in the synagogue on the Sabbath succeeding his birth-day. Seventh. He goes home and feasts hke an epicure. Among every class of people, times and seasons are differently observed, agreeably to the laws of the religion they profess. The thirteenth year of a Jewish boy's life is the second time that brings him into special notice. The first is at his circumcision, on the eighth day of his age, at Avhich time he receives his name. The second is the period we are now considering. The little chap anticipates that day with considerable emotion. I well remember what peculiar hallucination enchanted my visionary brain when that day was approaching. Castles of gigantic proportion, and unheard-of splendor, were fancifully and rapidly originated. Then I should be a man. Then I should be introduced to the congre- gation in ^'Shule" — synagogue. Then I should wear " Tefelen" — phylacteries, as other men. And above all, father said that I should have a new suit of " sky blue." hasten the hohj day for the sake of the — sky blue ! Please remember that I am all this time in school, and ad interim, aye for several weeks previous, I have been kept a close student and rehearser in chanting the portion that would fall to my lot in regular order. I labored hard to acquire the correct pronunciation, accent and tone of MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PIIILACTERIES. 69 every word. I had too much pride to make a failure. But so little did I care either for the translation of my portion into English or any other language, or for the sanctity of the occasion, that one week after- wards I had entirely forgotten which had been my portion. After much hard labor, I successfully surmounted every obstacle, and before the time arrived I was in readiness for the — sky blue. This 0-be-joyful day necessarily called me home a few days before the Passover vacation; so bidding a good-bye to many choice companions, and receiving a warm pressure of the Gentile, Mr. P.'s, hand, in due time I arrived at home. All the previous night (O how long it was !) I held myself in readiness to — " prevent the dawning of the morning ? " ]^o, but to anticipate it. By eight o'clock A. M., our regular breakfast time, I was ready to be seen. My toilet was completed, hair perfumed, (curling naturally as it did all over my head,) shirt collar stiff to the cutting of my ears, shoes too tight for my corns ; and how heavenly a prospect of perfect sky blue! The suit was bought of ^Ir. Moses Cohen, and was sacredly Jewish. It consisted of pants, (of course,) vest, and a tight round-about. Now, one more pull at the buckle of my cravat, which was already choking me till my pale face turned red, and I made my august appearance at the breakfast table. " Sholum Alichem," greeted me from all present. I have endeavored in this reproduction to anglicise two Hebrew words. I am obliged to make use of these and a few others, but I will show the reader 70 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. how to pronounce them understandingly. In the first word you give (agreeably to Pohsh usage) a Ions: sound to the " o" and you have the word. The second has for its " a" the sound given in " far ; " its "H" sounds naturally; its^ch" is as in " chem," when the mouth is shaped as if for a laugh, and an effort made at clearing the throat, but with an out- breathing slightly terminating in " m." I^ow you can talk Hebrew : what an acquisition ! The words are a beautiful salutation. They mean, "Peace (prosperity) be unto you ! " You find a similar salu- tation and reply given by Boaz, in Euth ii : 4. You may refer to it mth advantage, as to all other refer- ences that may be indicated. I was tauo^ht to receive this beautiful and earnest salutation by reversing the words for a repty. So when the family said " Sholum Alichem," I replied "Alichem Sholum," or "To yourselves" rather would I summon this " welfare." Trembling as I was with fear for the coming Sabbath, struggling no less with pride of heart, and squirming under the pressure of choking cravat and tight shoes, the adaptation of my answer to the kind salutation, evoking it, is best set forth in the case of an Indian who could talk but little English, and was pursuing a Frenchman, (to make matters worse,) for Mon- sieur's coveted scalp. The red man ran toward him with raised tomahawk. " Me want scalp." At this the Frenchman swore and started ofil The race is swift and exciting. Indian gains ground; French- man roars and runs on. Indian, however, soon gets near enough to give one mighty bound. With his MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PIIILACTERIES. 71 left hand lie has now caught the hatless Frenchman by the hair of his head. His right arm raised on high, brandishes his tomahawk. But, away runs the Frenchman, his wig only in the Indian's hand. " Over the hills and far away " speeds Monsieur, leaving the surprised and chagrined Indian transfixed in attitude, gazing first at the wig, then at the toma- hawk, then, O so longingly, at the Frenchman, far, far away. Finding that his prey was literally gone, he gloomily looked once more at the wig, exclaiming, but not in French, " dats von pig lie." — E'ot in words, however, did I echo this view of affairs ; and nothing of the kind being suspected, my sky blue underwent another general examination. Every- body said I looked very fine. I felt all too " fine." Everybody was satisfied ; as was I also — after break- fast. How my heart beats ! " Shobbos," Sabbath, has come. I am actually in the great synagogue. JSTo wonder I'm trembling with nervous excitement. At the proper time, or when tlie chanter has arrived at my portion, father and I are " called up." Here I must explain a little to my unenlightened reader. The "Law of Moses" is divided into fifty-four por- tions, one of which must be chanted on every Sab- bath. I^ow also the Pentateuch, or the first five books of the Old Testament, must be carried with ceremony from its ark to the reader's desk at the centre of the house. So the clerk puts up at auction the privilege of doing this, the highest bidder — fair play now ! — gets it. During the chanting exercise, several persons are " called up" to the desk, whose 72 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. business it is to gather up the four corner fringes of his " taUith," (which I will explain by-and-by,) and touch them on the next division or small portion to be chanted, and then remain to hear it recited. For this pri^dlege, he makes a small or large payment, just as he is inclined, then he receives a blessing and — ^pays for it, then he orders blessings for other par- ties, sometimes for many, sometimes for few; but always he is to pay for each and all. He has no sooner finished than another member, called up, in like manner buys himself rich. In this way every man, who has money, to be sure is through the year favored by being " called up." Finally the Penta- teuch is again carried home, by auction of course, and rests until it is wanted for a like purpose once more. Here stood father and I right at our post. A certain stiffiaess took hold on the spine of my back, as I walked along in my " sky blue" by the side of my father up to the very rostrum. Once " in for it," I summoned up all my courage and at once deter- mined to '' fight it out on this line if it took a long summer" of burning embarrassment. And I did it too. I went through the performance most man- fully. Father felt proud of such a boy. What father would not have been thus exercised? lie paid for piles of blessings that day. I do not knoAV, in fact I never learned how many I got ; but at the time there was one thing I very w^ell knew, it was tliat I would have preferred the price of them. Our ladies wore up in the galleiy, the place assigned for them ; for no where else in the sanctuary dare their MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PIIILACTERIES. 73 feet tread. Ecmcmber, " I thank Thee, Father, King of the universe, that Tlioii hast not made me a — woman." But on being dismissed, we all met at the outside entrance and walked home together. Thus passed the " great day." At its close quiet is restored to my very nervous system, and I am left to find out the meaning and utility of all this ceremony any way I — cannot. I had carried my "sky blue" through the entire Passover festival. Having a sense of my consequence as a little above a " sky blue round-about ; " I had given it a rather rougher usage than such material is used to, and the miserable tiling, some how or other, split open in the back clear up to the collar. So I must have a new one. I begged for one of another color. But the ladies said that it would not match. I submitted ! A few days remained before I was to return to school. I will endeavor to fill up this interval pro- fitably and fulfil my promise to give the reader a little description of the phylacteries. Everybody around reminds me that I'm " B'mitz- vo." "Wliat's B^mitzvo ? you ask. I reply, anything, providing it has no force to its meaning. Call it " thirteen," or " of age ; " either will do. For my part, I was so troublesome in making inquiries of everybody who seemed likely to know, that at last some one informed me that now my father ceases to be longer responsible for my sins. "Who then is? asked I. "Why yourself" What makes me re- sponsible ? I persisted. " Why, you are ' B'mitzvo.' " What must I do ? " You must be a good Yehudah 74 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. (Jew.") "WTiatmustl do to be a good Yeliuclah ? " Say your prayers, wear your Tefelen, go to Shule, keep the Law, obey tlie rabbins; tlieu living and dying a Yehudah, it mil be all right with you at last, l^ow do you, reader, know what "B'mitzvo" really means ? I aver that I do not ! Imagine, as the practical result, that you see me next morning, standing in the parlor facing the East. Prayer-book is in hand, and I am adorned with my phylacteries. Father and brother Abraham also were there in similar costume. I felt consequentially devout. I would not miss a single letter. Father got through first and left the room. I noticed that just then my brother began to take off his " Tefelen." I took the hint and stopped off short. Turning to my brother, "Abe," whispered I, "what's these things for ? " The fact that he gave me this horrible answer, is my apology for repeating his words. " D — d if I know," and off he went. And so did I — it might have been as if shot. I confess that I was led to indulge some ludicrous reflections relative to the peculiar utility of these unmeaning things with which I had to be encumbered every day of life. 'No explanation had been given me. JEnough for me to know that I 7nust wear them. I well re- member once having on my foreign livery and being impelled to look into the mirror. The effect was so ridiculous that I laughed right out. I thought I looked like a clown with a fool's cap on. But for the sake of peace, I concluded to yield, adopting, however, my l)rother's provoked yet fearful rejoinder. By this time you may find me back at my old MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PHYLACTERIES. 75 school quarters again. I really felt glad to meet once more my former companions in blind bigotry. Some of us had grown up together in the same school from childhood. But, being "B'mitzvo" now, I Avas led to regard as mere youngsters those chums who were a few months in the minority relatively. Many a perplexing congratulation did I receive because I was B'mitzvo. I couldn't help that. But nobody meant any barm. Tlie jokes of the boys at least were more innocent than the Sholum alichem of the rabbins. So I bore everything in good humor, save once. A youngster had impro\ised a couplet badly rhymed or tortured in orthography. It was in allusion to that delicate matter, the appearance of my virgin " goose down." "Had a good time B'mitzvo Jonie? Wliy didn't yu stay till yr beard be gi'owne?" I did not reply to this fraternal pleasantry, and thus in a few days I was permitted to study on as hard as ever and quite as unmolested. In lapse of time and " by hook or by crook," I gathered a little light upon my phylacteries, but I never learned the full truth about them until in after years when I read Christian books. IS'ow, dear reader, I want you to promise me that you will open your Bible and read where I refer you. A record of the origin of phylacteries is un- known to anybody. The Talmudical Jews found their authority on two portions of scripture. These are, Numbers xv : 37 to the end, and Deut. vi : 8-9. Now, nothing can be plainer to an unbiased mind than that the All-wise designed by these outward 76 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. vestments to bring constantly before tbe minds of his people their great duty to obey all the precepts of the law. The priest's peculiar uniform, as well as much more of similar character, was adapted to the condition of affairs at the time of their institu- tion. In that day there was a degree of intelligence which regulated Israel's worship. But now, meagre as the provision may appear to the Christian, yet it is true that the Jews look upon their phylacteries as a kind of charm to keep off" infernal spirits. Upwards of ^ve hundred years, a colony of Jews have been settled in the Crimea. They are called Karaites by the Talmudists, on account of their re- jection of the claims of the Talmud over their con- sciences, and their intelligent adherence to the grammatical construction of a text in preference to any rabbinically garbled mystery. They do not wear Tefelen, and say that the Talmudists, in wear- ing them, are " bridled asses." But, brother Kara- ite, be gentle. I'm not responsible for the accident of birth; yet many a time while wearing them I have agreed with you. I propose now to give the reader a brief descrip- tion of these '' spirit drivers." The number of them 18 Jive, some say but four. The first is called M'zu- zah. This is a hollow tube nailed on the right side post of every room in the house. Two ''portions" are enclosed, namely, Deut. vi : 4-10, and xi : 13-21. These are soldered in forever; the word " Shaddai" alone is to be seen through an opening cut in the tin. As I must be veiy brief, I can only say that ever}/ thing connected with it must be approved by MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PHYLACTERIES. 77 the rabbis, even to the two small nails that hold it. IS'ow when a Jew leaves a room, (some say passes either way,) he must touch " Shaddai," and then kiss the favored fingers. He must never remove it, un- der penalty of " sudden death to his children,'' un- less a Gentile is to occupy as the next tenant ; in that case he must remove the — what do you call it ? The second is a part of the bridle, called " Tsit- sitli ; " the Hebrew letters of which word have an aggregate numerical value of six hundred. This is made of any old piece of fabric. You take simply two four-cornered pieces about six inches long either way, and unite them by means of straps long enough to rest upon either shoulder, so as to allow the squares to rest one against the breast and the other opposite, between the shoulders. At the four cor- ners are fastened fringes, each having eight threads knotted in rotation five times; so that, 8 +5 -f- 600= 613, you have the number of precepts the rabbins say are in the Law. ^Vlien a boy, I used sometimes to say to my grandma, " AYhat are these things for on the doors, grandma?" "The ^ Torahs Mosha' say they must be, my dear." This satisfied me then. But when I became "B'mitzvo" — a man, thirteen years old, I felt quite competent to demand of wiser heads, " What is the meaning of the ' tsitsith ? ' " " Torahs Mosha, Laws of Moses, require it." To which was added a monotone admonition to the eftoct that *' every good ' Yehudah' wears it all day long under his clothes; when, therefore, he goes abroad, 7io harm can come to him.^' Of course I did not ar^j-ue 78 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. the point, but concluded rather to watch for the effects; and I always found that the virtue of " tsit- sith" is fully as prodigious as that of the second part, a horse-shoe nailed — not on the hoof — ^but on your premises, and for precisely the same purpose. But then, I was as ignorant of that wonderful arith- metical mystery, 8 -f 5+600=613 precepts, as I was of the inside of the M'zuzah, or first-named phylac- tery. But rabbi says so ! give me that which my mind digests, that warms my heart, and makes me a better man. I have it now before me, and my heart swells ^dth gratitude, my eyes grow blind \vith. tears of worship, as I read and apply to my heart and life daily — not six hun- dred and thirteen — but, ''two commandments" on which " hang all the law and the prophets." Bless- ed reduction now graciously possible of fulfillment. The third part is called " Tallith," or '' Great tal- lith." It is a large cloth, suflicient to cover the whole upper part of the body. The fringes at the corners are of the same sort as those mentioned above. The rabbins say that it must be made* of white lamb's wool. This is formally kissed on the upper centre piece (which is generally ornamented,) and then thrown over the head at the time of prayer, but suffered to slip down and rest on the shoulders ill warm weather. It has five broad stripes along the lower edge, to remind you that there are five books of Moses, the " Toralis Mosha." Every ope- ration in its manufacture must be performed by Jewish hands. The wool is to be entirely shorn, not a single particle being pulled off the animal. MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PHYLACTERIES. 79 The animal itself must be aj^proved by a rabbi, and slaugbtercd ceremoniously by a Jew. Only one tiling (a sad deficiency) mars all this — ^but Judaism is excusable for that, because the rabbins could not remedy the sore evil — the lamb could not bleat in Hebrew. Alas ! poor Ba-ah, thy bleating well termi- nates in an ah ! The remaining two parts of the " bridle " are so much alike^ that I will, for brevity's sake, speak of them together. The first is called " Rosch," head, the other " Yadh," designating the arm and "hand.'' They are small, square boxes, made of parchment or vellum, which have deposited in them detached por- tions of the Law, and are firmly closed. Fine calf- skin loops are attached, one for the head to go through, and there are also two long thongs which hang down in front on either side, while the box itself rests directly on the forehead between the eyes. The other loop is for the left arm, whitih is bared. The loop being drawn tight enough to sufier the second box to rest on front of the arm above the elbow, the thong is then wrapped around the arm ten times, being thus brought to the tenth letter of the alphabet, " Yod " — a sacred letter when doubled. The remainder of the thong is laid about the hand in the shape of the letter " Shin." The same letter is stamped on the sides of the boxes. It is the first letter of " Shaddai," Almighty, found on the " M'zu- zah." The Jew attaches an undue importance to these silly things. Even now may be seen, as I have actu- ally surveyed, scores of the boxes, made quite large 80 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. and then worn enclosed in a thin brass case. The bulky dimensions of the phylacteries render their use ridiculous in the extreme, and it is a great mar- vel that so many very inteUigent men, to be met in the Jewish ranks, continue blindly to insult the ever blessed Jehovah with such nonsensical stuff. And our discerning Jesus administered a fair reproof when he said, " All their works they do, to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garment." Matthew xxiii: 25. This is the meaning of the word itself, as "Webster gives it; "in a general sense any charm, spell, or amulet, worn as a preservative from danger or dis- ease," is a phylactery. But while it is true that not one Jewish boy in ^YQ hundred either knows or cares what good there is inside of these, or of what advantage they are as put on the outside of his body, all and each wear tliem daily, not daring to neglect them through fear that " something might turn up." Thus it was with myself all the time I wore them, and when in after years I began to neglect them, I acted like a would-be Christian whiskey-tipler, sneak- ing from the eye of man to indulge his sinful (!) pro- pensity. But now I am the Lord's free man. Thirty-four years ago, I laid aside both phylacteries and alcohol. Since then I have found no use for either: they are bcjth alike delusive and treacherous. In Jesus Christ I have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear, l>ut I have received the spirit of adoption, MY GREAT DAY. — IIO ! FOR PHYLACTERIES. 81 whereby I cry, Abba, (that is, Father.) O, luy Heavenly Father, see my tears, hear my prayer, save, save the Jews ! 6 CHAPTER IX. PROGRESS, ALIAS RETROGRESSION. Since I last informed you, dear reader, that I had returned to my school, one entire year of school-time has again rolled around. I have been home once, and now, at my fourteenth year, I am to spend my birth- day at home, bidding a final and not reluctant adieu to boarding-school. The Passover festival being ended, the question of a disposition of me for the future was very seriously considered by my dear father. I confess that I demurred at the idea of returning to a Jewish school, and my reasons were mostly buried in the mental reservation I preserved. I pleaded, however, that I had enough Hebrew to carry me to Heaven, and I wanted to advance in my English studies. In consequence of my afiiiction, father was grievously at a loss to know what he had best do with poor me. It was my own wish to attend for some tinie yet a high school at home. An indulgent parent was not long deciding to let me have my own way ; so climbing over his con- science, he sent me to a first-class Gentile school in London to finish (as he said) my education. This was a great advance in my life. But here new difiiculties started into existence. One was the fact that my prejudices were already 82 PROGRESS, alias RETROGRESSION. 83 immovably fixed. How could / submit to Gentile rule ? Another was my attachment for the " good (?) old way." There was still another. They used to read prayers (not the Bible) at opening and closing Off school. This difficulty, however, was* overcome by a forced consent, by late attendance, and early retirement, so that my deaf ears were not offended by the name — Christ. To facilitate this arrange- ment, my desk was isolated. This mana)uvre, how- ever, soon rendered me conspicuous; so being the only Jew in the school, I was subjected to a great deal of taunt and derision. All petty vexations I endured peaceably. But when the boys resorted to the persecuting medium so familiar to the vulgar, whose little souls cannot, bear the idea of allowing a man to possess his God-given, inalienable right simply because he is forsooth a Jew — ^when they invoked the assistance of the hog as their ally, and fiung at me in the open air their pestiferous shouts ; *' I had a piece of pork, And I stuck it on a fork, « « * « *» Then it was that I began to realize that I detested Christians. Such odious repetitions made me peev- ish and distant, and turning upon my mock-heroic comrades a look of unutterable disdain, I retorted "wdth a deep curse, calling them " Sons of the hanged one J' Surely I had not forgotten Margate ! I do not remember how long I remained at this school, but it was not so long as it otherwise would have been, Wlien I left, it was to try the experi- ment over again elsewhere with somewhat better 84 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. results. In process of time, however, I bid adieu entirely to schools both Jewish and Gentile. I at, last grew tired of books ; so I laid them all aside, never for a moment dreaming that in less than five years from that time, I should be commanded by the Eternal Jehovah — blessed be His name — to take hold on them again, with scores of others of a loftier char- acter, and study them night and day, that I might qualify myself to be a viccn' in a church, holding out the cross of my ever-adorable, ever-glorious Jesus. My hatred for Christians, meanwhile, became greater than ever, although I was by no means blind to the serious defects of Judaism. E'or was I with- out lively anxiety, and some inquiry even, as to how I could mend the matter. -In imagination, I applied many a vain remedy. * Sometimes I attributed the existing imperfections to my want of discernment. Then I would look about me for one, if but one faithful follower of Moses ; but all in vain. "Wlien, therefore, I could not find a single Mosaic ceremony observed according to the original pattern, I des- paired outright. Thus, admitting Moses himself to be the judge, and looking not beyond his dispensa- tion, eveiy Jew in the world stands condemned ! As the storm-beaten mariner will rush to the nearest port, so acted I in my perplexity. "To Sinai's flery mount I fled"; It poured its curses on my head." But I knew no other refuge ! With such a pros- pect before me, I suffered as if out of time the pen- alty of an anxious but rayless mind. "Wliat was I to do ? From no earthly source could I derive light or PROGRESS, alias RETROGRESSION. 85 instruction. Einding myself in such a dilemma, I was compelled to be as much as possible at rest in my ignorance. Hemmed in on every side, my only available refuge was to take advantage of my life- long training, and settle down confidently, satisfied in my "blood relation" to Abraham as availing me for salvation. Enjoying affluence and improved health, with rapidly advancing maturity of years, I was like the fabled viper which, when restored in pity's bosom to warmth and life, turned against its cherishing friend and bit remorselessly his dear children. Thus I misimproved the blessings with which my kind Heavenly Father had surrounded me. I launched into guilty extremes, yielding to the desires of my wicked heart, now most devoutly engaged in the service of sin. I hungered after vice ; with greedi- ness I devoured it, solacing myself by the reflection that one no less than Abraham's son will certainly be finally saved. But for me there was no reprover. "With propriety I might have confronted the thirty thousand Jews at that time in the city of London, and demanded : If one of your number, whether he be a rabbi or a layman, in his own conscience actu- ally knows himself to be any better than I, let him come forward and give me the very first genuino reproof, or " cast the first stone." A stringent law which lies on the shelf as a dead letter in the statute book, is an incubus upon society. And if we apply this to Judaism, we only set Ibrth a fact, for here exist general rules, a gigantic code of ethics, containing in detail six hundred and thir- 86 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. teen precepts, every one of which is but feebly en- forced, or (more truthfully speaking) is not enforced at all. ]S"ay, when this general statute is actually violated with glaring impunity by the very men who should force obedience, not by precept only, but by their example, and who loudly profess to do so, is it any wonder that I, a giddy boy, should follow in their track, by a less dishonorable because open dis- regard of all that is truthful, good, and pure ? There- fore there followed a consequent recklessness of the claims of practical Judaism. Hence, one by one, my daily round of religious ceremonies was laid aside. " Dust to dust." A first liberty was taken with my " Tefelen.'' Those useless and unmeaning baubles ! I determined that at least I would not longer be a "-Bridled ass" for their sake. This violation of the rabbinical bull precipitated an unreasonable and senseless reproof. In time, all the ceremonies of my religion grew more tiresome than ever, and I resolved to invent new pretexts for their entire neglect. In this way, while I was obliged to do as others did, to all outward appearance, the very last vestige of sanctity gradu- ally wore itself out. The cause of this may be the better understood when it is known that, step by step I descended the ladder of iniquity, until I be- came completely baptized in desire for giddy amuse- ments, so that I could no longer find time to read my prayers. And when at seasons I was obliged to give time, the work of an hour was gone over in ten min- utes. True, I trembled for the consequences. — Though I had no fear of God, yet I dreaded my PROGRESS, alias retrogression. 87 father's liasty temper. My fears were shortly real- ized, for as soon as father found out that I neglected prayers, and particularly Tefelen, he flew into a hurricane of rage at me, and with many a terrible oath, gave vent to his ungovernable passion. Down on my confused pate he poured freely a father's curse; but he did not dream that he was cursing whom Jehovah blessed. A little reasoning and an intelligent reproof would doubtless have had a salutary effect upon me. But the startling manner in which I was disposed of, ori- ginated in my mind the gravest doubts as to my father's sincerity. I learned in fact to swear as hard as he was accustomed to do. This circumstance, connected with many others, had a strong tendency to mollify my favorable prejudices ; so much so that I gradually grew more unscrupulous than ever. The Autumn was approaching, only to increase my dread. Hitherto I had strictly kept all the fasts of the year, especially the one now approaching, called " Yom Kepur," or " Kopher," (covering,) so- called because on that day the sins of the past year are to be " covered." The Law appointed but one fast to be observed. It occurred on the tenth day of the seventh month. See Lev. xvi : 29. But from the time of the Prophet Zechariah, or about five hundred and twenty years before Christ, the Jews reckoned in three more. However, I am to speak of this one only. It arrives at the end of September, and sometimes runs into October. Great preparar tions of both a moral and a commercial character are very rigidly enforced several days (some say, 88 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. nine) previous to the great day. All Jews endeavor to settle out-lying disputes of every possible nature. Concessions and restitutions are liberally made, and forgiveness is everywhere extended. This is indeed a very pure quality of morality, and although yoked to a religion unworthy of it, in itself challenges the imitation of every Christian on earth. This also may account for the commendatory fact so univer- sally conceded by every intelligent magistrate of the land, that the Jew as a foreigner is everywhere a peace-making and law-abiding, inexpensive, and profitable citizen. On the afternoon of the ninth day, they prepare for the ordeal by receiving an extra meal, which is all that dare be taken until the sunset of the morrow or tenth day. The rabbins forbid so much as a drop of water ! Thus they represent the command, " Ye shall afflict your souls.'' However negligent of re- ligious duties one may have been during the past year, he must be sure at this time to be on hand. The synagogues in the whole world, therefore, are crowded to suiFocation. This circumstance, in con- nection with the numerous extra illuminations, ren- der the atmosphere very offensive. Many of the men remain with the rabbins all night in the synagogue ; the wiser part, however, go to their beds. The whole twenty-four hours are strictly given to religion. During the day, the pray- ers of the whole year, besides the extra ones for the occasion, are read. Chanting the Law, singing mel- odies, making large contributions for benevolent objects, (always remembering the poor Jews of Ju- PROGRESS, alias retrogression. 89 dca) fervent prayer, especially for Jerusalem (while not one in a thousand ever thinks ahout its topoi^- raphy) and the usual auction mart for sacred privi- leges, with other unmeaning ceremonies, in number unmentionable, constitute the sin-pardoning services of the great " day of Atonement." At sunset the " Raaf," or Chief Rabbi, blows through a horn in- strument the peculiar sound called, I think, " Teke- ah," as a signal or permission to go home and — do as you have ever done, till the next cover-all rolls around. As the day approached, I found my mind growing more distracted every hour. Shall I keep this fast ? I always had instinctively dreaded the dreadful day. But now I was intelligently looking about me to find where the good results were to be seen. I found none, none ! While I am yet deliberating, with mind almost unsettled, lo, the very day is at hand. Conscience demanded that I should decide quickly. I complied. It was with an emphatic no. That no settled matters — but not without management. It was a terrible conclusion ; and secrecy must be observed, yes, for the sake of my trembling bones. I could not carry out my arrangements, however, except by confiding in our two Gentile servants. They laughed merely and at once promised to help me. For their own sakes I felt they would keep my life-cause secure. On the first evening in the synagogue, I did well enough. Father resolved to remain all night. The rest of us went home, after brother and I had re- ceived strict orders to be in our places early next 90 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. morning. I advanced the universal good sentiment, " I wish you well over your fast,'* bidding good night, and now " to-bed-we-go." How I laughed between the sheets at my well-matured, hypocritical plans! But I slept soundly as a tired boy, and did not (strange to note) even dream of a hungry stomach. The morning came on time. I arose very early, and secured a good breakfast, so that by the time the family were all dressed, I was peculiarly ready, and we all went to the synagogue together. I did not pray for an emetic this time. Oh, no ! My breakfast clung to its quarters as stubbornly as the Margate pork had failed to do. My younger sister soon complained. Poor girl, she needed her breakfast. She Avas really too deli- cate for such a starvation pennance. Still, " hold on, Selin, this is * Yom Kopher.' " In hole-y silence, we walked to the synagogue, which we all reached, feelinsr so sick — of course I had to feim beins^ sick too, very sick. The ladies dragged themselves upstairs to their gallery prison, while I walked erect among crowds of — other men — to my seat. There was my dear ftither, A\dtli phylacteries nobly on, looldng awf ally woe-be-gone; tired, sick, faint, and sleepy. " Sho- lum Alichem," said I. But it awoke no reply. A look full of language, a shake of the head, and a pinch of snuif, was the significant answer. About ten o'clock the ladies went home. Poor slaves, but not of appetite — not yet. No, for they were so hungry. Still, they dare not eat. At noon, I proposed to my father that I go home to see how the PROGRESS, alias RETROGRESSION. 91 ladies were getting along ; to Avhicli he assented. But my real object was to get my dinner, which I assure you, dear reader, I made sure of before I returned. On reaching home, I found all the ladies a-bed. " Sholum Alichem," shouted I. " Very sick," was by no means Ilebraistically replied. " you hypo- crites," I cried, "• this is the way you fast for your year's sins, is it ? In bed all day ; sleeping it off, eh? You hypocrites!" "Very sick, I'm very sick," came the apology in concert. Poor creatures, how much I pitied them. But, as misery likes company, their sympathies moved them to inquire after father and everybody else, almost. Of course, they were sick — so ivas 7, apparently. Taking leave of my impenitent relations, I returned to the synagogue, feeling fully conscious that I was not playing the hypocrite against the Almighty, but against a reli- gion, in itself unmeaning, and by the Lord unwar- ranted, because in it I could not trace the religion of Moses. Seated again, I now consoled myself with the weW-substantiated belief that I could stand it until supper time, as Avell as any of my less favored Ye- hudahs. Surveying the synagogue, the scene appeared doleful. All was confusion. There were in tluit one house more than fifteen hundred " persons," or if we include the women, it would be fair to say two thousand, all (minus one) starving their bodies for the fancied good of their souls. Dressed in phylac- teries, some taking snuff; others were talking over 92 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. business matters; others again were laughing at their sick neighbors : some swore that they were a httle hungry, and wished for the night. Their critic played in a* sense the h^^ocrite. Pressing on to father's side I felt really sad at seeing how distressed he appeared, which he perceiving, returned a corres- ponding sympathetic glance, supposing — ^liow truly — that I was as sick as everybody else. For I was sick, but »ick of farces. In due time the welcome sound of the cornet was heard. At once the fast ended. The sound had scarcely died away, when the whole legion rushed in confusion to the door. It was exactly like rush- ing off from a steamer, after a sea-sick voyage. At home, soon reached, we found everything most bountiful, and quite ready for our reception. Those wicked. Gentile daughters of the " hanged one " had certainly done a very handsome thing for us^ they had been doing all day for me. The lights were brilliant, and the supper in every respect grand enough, shall I say, for the royal family. In a few minutes all hands were hard at it, mak- ing up evidently for lost time. Somehow I ate comparatively little; in perfect silence too. I was certainly an object for general pity. The impression was, that I had suffered so much during the day that I was actually too sick to eat. ILj sins were par- doned : that was now beyond question. After sup- per all retired to bed, glad unmistakably that the day of voluntary famine was at length ended, and congratulating each other that " Yom Kopher" comes but once a year. PROGRESS, alias retrogression. 93 1 do not propose to apologize for what I have written. Yet I am aware that I give olicnce to my ewish brother who may read this book. He will be offended upon two accounts: first, because I slighted the day, and secondly, because I am bokl in speaking about this. But who should be blamed ? Jjct my Jewish brother look at the fact, that every boy is constrained, even compelled to observe it, under penalty. Then let him also look at the long chain of ex- ercises, both tedious and unmeaning to him. !N^ow, I ask is there one wide-awake boy in a thousand who would not do as I did, if he could ? Aye that would he, and very many prove it, and then charge the whole bill to their fathers and rabbis. I am hoping moreover to accomplish two things. One is, to show that the error in my early education led me on step by step, until I fairly awoke to the soph- istry and fallacy of the whole system. As a second good, I hope, by the blessing of God, to arouse some of my Jewish brethren to the truth, that they never can make atonement to God for their sins by all the ceremonies of " Yom Kopher," though endlessly- repeated — never. O Israel, you cannot tell why it is that the clouds have not rained upon your heritage for nearly two thousand years. You see that your vineyard is trodden down ; the wild boar of the woods has rav- aged it ; you behold the tents of strangers pitched there;, owls mourn there; Satyrs dance there. You see, you know that the frowns of Almighty God gather darkly over it. Yet do you persistantly in- 94 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. terpret all in your favor. Israel, lohere is your sceptre ? Seek for it, and you will yet find it in the hands of the true " Shiloli," Jesus Christ, the off- spring of David, who alone has made atonement on your own Calvary, and that once for all. CHAPTER X. OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. If it be weakness to confess that the night after " Yom Kopher" was a decidedly restless one, then I am certainly very weak. My conscience stung me with severe compunctions. As a drowning man thinks of everything in the conscious struggling with death, so I lay upon my bed, reviewing the past and present. All the future was as dark as the past was blank. I tried to think of something tangible, in either my religion or my sin. I would have given mines of gold for one little ray of light. All at once it came to me. Yes, the wished-for ray did come. But alas, it did not come from the right source ! it was nothing but rabbinical moon-shine, after all. I had been taught to turn my face toward the East every day, and once a month to face about and worship the new moon ! I did it at home when a child. I did it at school in boyhood, and well I remembered how much contumely we used to heap on that farcical idolatry. One evening the announce- ment was made that the school would stand in a group facing the new moon. I happened not to hear it. Boys passing in a hurry, shouted, ^' Hurry up, Jonie, the moon will bo gone." What's up ? I ran too, shouting, what's up? "The new moon, you 95 96 AUTO-BIOGKAPIIY. fool you, don't you see it, up there?" said one, pointing with his finger. " 0, ah, y-e-s." Rabbi held a lighted candle and read a prayer to the — new moon. AVe who were in the rear, however, offered ours extemporaneously. First a push, then a pinch, tlien a prayer. "I see the moon. The moon sees me God bless the moon. And God bless me." This recurrence at once threw me into a fit of laughter, so I fell asleep. I was quite late in rising next morning ; I had slept so soundly. During the day I refl.ected a great deal, and before night con- cluded that I had not at all wronged God, but only cheated the Jews ; so if I could only keep my past day's conduct secret from them^ I would be safe enough as to results. My origin, at all events, could not be annulled. This placed me upon a footing with the rest of my brethren, who had fasted. Thus I also was virtually a white- washed sinner, prepared, like the rest, for another year's experiment. By some means, however, my roguery leaked out. Still I escaped censure, until after I had embraced Christianity, when with many a bitter oath, my father charged that day's sin upon me, as one of the darkest evidences of my downfall. Experience, the most thorough of schoolmasters, so exposed to me the errors of " Judaism," that ultimately the whole system seemed to be nothing but Judaism in mim- icry. In time, I even doubted if there was such a thing as religion at all ; but was ready to yield the palm to Judaism, if there were faith on the earth. If there OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. 97 be but one God, he is assuredly the God of the Jews, reasoned I. Yet here is a rehgion professing that its origin is Heavenly, though agreeing with its founder in not a single particular, unless we except the bare rite of circumcision. On the contrary, it is fall of bigotry and superstition, and withal is main- tained by a people professing to be God's peculiar treasure, while swearing with impunity, blaspheming the name of the Lord most appallingly, upon the most trifling occasions too, and anathematizing all other religions that do not wear its peculiar, but un- serviceable harness. As a people they fall very far short of what they seem to be — they too, who are the only ones who have any right either to be or seem to be at all. Can there then possibly exist such a thing as religion ? Such were my gloomy reflections. I trembled. Still I had a chance for my life. I w^ould hang to a button of Abraham's coat with one hand, and to a single hair of Moses, (not Esau) with the other. So that, after I shall have spent a life in infidelity, I will yet find that Judaism is true, I shall then be able to draw myself near to the law^, and on the other hand plead my Abrahamic origin : when, lo, I am saved ! Happy expedient ; so for the time being, get out of my way, so-called religion ! I remained some time in this state of mind, coast- ing around, but not daring to launch out into the open sea of infidelity, through fear of something, I knew not what, and meanwhile believing tranquilly that I was sure of salvation in any issue. Yet I feared, I trembled. In me was consciously verified 7 98 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. the text, " The wicked flee when no man pursueth." Thus I continued to trifle with religion from the borders of infidehty, until at last I fairly marched forth into open rebellion against the very God of Heaven. One day as I walked abroad, my attention was arrested by a very large poster printed with red ink, announcing that the " Eev. Kobert Taylor" was de- livering a course of lectures in the Rotunda, on Black Friar's bridge road, upon the Bible. " There is no God of either Jews or Christians." Such was the motto endorsed by the singular placard. My heart leaped with emotion, as I read the awful advertisement. Here, blasphemed I, is the truth of the whole matter : there is no God, no such thing either as religion : I'll go to hear Robert Taylor, he's the man for me. A little further on was another mammoth poster : " Going to raise the devil to-night at the Rotunda." This looked like trifling, but I determined on going to see, to see if need be, the very devil raised. At the time appointed I was on my way to the place, not, however, without very serious misgivings. On arriving there my attention was arrested by another mammoth poster, flaunting the inevitable, " Going to raise the devil to-night." An instinctive dread seized me as if by material force. Ah! — said an impulse — ^you have learned liow to trifle with God, but you are in earnest with llie Devil. Don't back out now, telegraphed ano- ther — pay your shilling and go in. Crowds of the lowest, the most vulgar of London's populace rushed past me, paid their fee and entered, It was a morti- OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. 99 fying tliouglit for one with my pride in refinement at least, to be in such company. For some minutes, therefore, I stood tacitly gazing on that awful poster, when my hand involuntarily slipped into my pocket and drew from it a shilling. Starting from the deep reverie into which I had fallen, and goaded by an invisible agent, I burst the barriers of dread and scruple, pushed forward, paid the cost, and actually entered. Old as I am at this time, the horrible infatuation by which I was propelled, and the dreadful agony of mind in which I found mj'self on arri\dng at a seat, are fresh in my imagination. Here I am in the rotunda^ and the vilest of the vile are my companions — all brought together to hear God denounced, and to see the " devil raised." I had meanwhile walked to the opposite side, being attracted by a small read- ing desk. I was anxious to see and hear, although I dreaded it. Immense crowds continued to fill up the vast amphitheatre. I looked among them to detect if possible anybody whom I might know ; but my sight failed me through fear. I tried to conjec- ture how the devil was going to be raised. I^ow I fancied it was to be through some magic art : again in the person of one of the chimney-sweepers present. I even gazed with vacant, yet half-expectant glare, at the strange-looking corners, and ugly caricatures about the platform. My imagination was finally so wrought up, that I cried out aloud, " Where am I ? " Some one near me answered, " This is the Rotunda, sir." I started at the answer and gazed at the man. Tremblinof with emotion, I ac^ain looked over the 100 AUTO-EIOGRAPIIY. place in its entire extent, mj eves resting upon fully two thousand liuman beings of both sexes, and the very dregs of the city. My pride was fully roused. I started to my feet to make for the door, when at the same instant the whole noisy rabble became suddenly quiet and turned their dirty faces all in one direction. It took me by surprise. The de^dl's coming, I surmised ; so I too looked that way. I saw him ! He appeared like a man, wearing a black silk gown, -with something white about his neck, gloves on, and a book in his hand. My hair arose, but not to reverence him : it stood on end. My eyes fastened on him as he stalked and stalked along the avenue near me. I was dreadfully alarmed. O God, Lord have mercy on me ! Is this the devil ? who is it ? A filthy scavenger near by answered, " Its Bob Taylor, zur." I drew a breath. On, on, on, he stalked, his gown brushing me as he passed. Another breath — so far, I'm safe. My eyes, riveted, followed him to the neat, low, square pedestal whereon he laid the book. Upon this he placed a white handkerchief, and then, very ceremoniously clasping his gloved hands together, turning up the white of his eyes at the same time and with equal devotedness, he laid his head down upon the Bible. He continued in this posture sev- eral minutes, during which time the silence was really awful. I looked : I wondered : I trembled. In fact, all eyes were upon the " devil-raiser." Pre- sently lie commenced gesticulating, and, gradually straightening himself nearly to bending backward, exhibiting also the palms of his hands, and spread- OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. 101 ing liis fingers widely apart — " I've been praying," cliuckled lie, " as fervently as a parson." On hearing this, the whole multitude broke out into a roar of discordant laughter. Well now, me° thought, I've seen many a better trick at the theatre : but then he did look so funny as he said it, and I laughed too. I certainly felt a great disgust for the " devil-raiser," especially if this is the way he in- tended to teach the non-existence of God. He has made but a poor beginning, I inwardly crowed, and then took comfort in the idea that if his rope breaks, I can prove my identity with Abraham by the sign and seal of circumcision, so I will still hang on to Moses, and be safe, in spite of the devil or his raiser. Presently he commenced to lecture. He quoted scripture, held it up in a ridiculous light, and left the impression thus given. He made the scriptures apparently contradict themselves, blasphemed at the idea of a Trinity, (!) defied God, laughed at the devil, and said that the world was from eternity ; all things came by chance ; death is the last of man, as man ; he will thereupon change to some other ani- mal, and will come back either barking, bleating, squeaking, quacking, or in some other imaginable way. It was in this odor that his entire speech was made. When he had finished, he thanked the ladles and gentlemen for their attendance, and invited us to come again on the morrow night to hear more. Ah ! reasoned I on leaving, if there is such a being as the devil, he would certainly have put in an appearance to-night. Had he not done so, pious reader ? 102 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. How readily do the stings of n guilty conscience cease to pain when they are " healed slightly." Al- though my mind was so thoroughly harrowed up on this occasion, yet when the next night came, it re- quired but little effort to overcome my feelings of fear, and thus gain my own consent to visit this "den of thieves" once more. The infidel now informed us that " Moses was a liar ; Paul was a fool ; Christ was a bastar-d ; God is a myth; the Bible is a fable; and man, man is every- thing!" "Well done, I ejaculated, good enough for a " Christian " to talk about. Its taste was so agree- able that I drank it all down. Yes, I swallowed the poison without an effort, and even thought Eobert Taylor a wonderful man. Such is the power of sin- ful attraction, that I continued to hear him frequent- ly ; I actually grew to love him and his cause. Yes, my hell-deserving soul did actually love the hifidel. His sopliistry had mastered me. I was overcome ; I adored him. I followed up the lectures until I be- came an adept in infidelity. I now looked upon all religions alike as foll}^, the Bible a book of lies, Christ a Jewish impostor, God a mere chimera, death an eternal sleep, the resurrection a natural transmigration of matter, and the Judgment-day a mere humbug. O my ever patient, adorable Lord God, enter not into speedy judgment with me. Remember not against me the sins of my youth, for Jesus' sake. Amen. For some time past I had not been annoyed at home by the customary surveillance. This was a OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. 103 great relief to me. It happened, however, that one night, returning from the lecture quite late, I found the drawing-room full of company. I was overflow- ing mth "argument," and ready for an encounter. Contrary to my expectations, my father attacked me. " Where have you been to-night, sir ; to the thea- tre?" No sir, to the Rotunda. "What have you been doing there ? " Hearing Robert Taylor expose the folly of all the religions in the world. Whack, went the cards with an oath ; and as the company continued to whack down the cards, I amused them with my philosophy of religion ; I told them all that I knew, and more than they ever knew. I defamed Moses and Christ, laughed at religion and blas- phemed God, and then capped the whole by spout- ing Shakspeare's Seven Stages of Man. Father thought I was growing clever ; my brother laughed at me. The ladies, however, turned up their noses, and I have no doubt that the thinking part were utterly disgusted — certainly they should have been. Soon the gaudy party broke up. O, how they swore at each other ; and what with charges of cheating, winners laughing, losers mad, the name of God in- voked in every oath, which was prefixed ^vith a " by," or a " so help me," it was if not a hell, a bed- lam. I was quite used to hearing it, so it did not move me at all, save that, my infidelity being purer than my Judaism, I now considered swearing absurd : I knew no sin in it, or in anything. So I only laughed at them. Keep your tempers, counseled I, it will be all the same in a thousand years. 104 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. " It is of the Lord's mercies tliat I am not con- sumed, because His compassions fail not." Time rolled on, and I still felt secure. Wliat harm could ever befall me ? I had now secured suc- cessively two grand hiding places, "Moses" and Taylor. "Moses" had failed, but I was safe in the " devil-raiser." And when Taylor showed any signs of tottering, I flew back again to " Moses." I was indeed like the troubled sea, thromng up mire and dirt. For me there was no rest. Yet I hated both Christ and Christians worse than ever. Everything within, Avithout, and about me declared that, there is a God. And my own secret convictions consented to that proposition. "Where am I? and from whence? I nothing know, but that I am; And if I am, somewhere there must be a God And if a God there is, that God how great ! " " "Wliither shall I go from Thy spirit ? or whither shall I flee from Thy presence ? If I ascend up into Heaven Thou art there. If I make my bed in hell, behold Thou art there. If I take the ^Y\no■s of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me. If I say ' surel)/ the darkness shall cover me,' even the night shall be light unto me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from Thee, but the night shineth as the day ; the darkness and the light are both alike to Thee." The darkest shades of vice cannot produce an abyss of sufficient deptli and density to hide iniquity from the Almighty eye. So I found it. True, I OFF THE TRACK ALTOGETHER. 105 felt secure wliilc I was under the discipline of Tay- lor. I never once dreamed, but that he could work his way through safely. Yet, deep and dark as was this hiding place, my Father in Heaven saw and cared for me even there. He proved to me that the " reign of the wicked is short;" and He used even this ^\dcked man as a most powerful means of bring- ing me to the light. As a stranger to the leadings of God's providence, I had no desire to trace His hand in any event. I felt satisfied in remaining a Jew, or infidel, as best suited my circumstances. Here I slept ; and never would I have awakened this side of eternity, " if it had not been the Lord who was on our side when men rose up against us : then they had swallowed us up quick, when their w^-ath was kindled against us : then the waters had overwhelmed us, the stream had gone over our soul ; then the proud waters had gone over our soul. Blessed be the Lord, who hath not given us a prey to their teeth." Taylor was " raising the devil," all over the city. He seemed to be gaining ground. Lifidel clubs were everywhere formed, and we supposed, on solid ground : but how firm in reality, facts will show. The Lord Jehovah threw this atheistic worm upon a bed of afiliction. For several days, he struggled, despairing of life. He dreaded death ! ! He had lain tormented by a burning fever many hours, when suddenly he started up in his bed and shrieked, " O Christ, Christ, Christ ! O, that I had a Christ now to fly to ! I have gained more converts to the devil in one hour's preaching of infidelity, than I did to 106 AUTO-BIOGRAPIIY. Jesus Christ in a year when I was his accredited minister." Thus confessing, he fell exhausted and gasping upon his pillow. This time he succeeded in effectually '^raising the devil." Like wild-fire flew the word all over the nation ; Taylor has re- nounced infidelity: he has invoked, yes invoked Jesus Christ, upon his death-bed. His disciples only sneered. " Taylor," they retorted, " will die like a man." I thought so too, but evidently a very wretched one. In this extremity, I felt that I was driven into the very labyrinth of perplexity. Infidel clubs were disbanding, and — could I admit it — my rope broke also. After a while, however, Taylor recovered, and — horrible fact — he actually resumed his infidel post again. Doubtless he regained, for the most part, his standing and his disciples. As for me, I could no longer trust to a reputation whose foundation sank at every blast. He wants this very " hanged one," does he ? Then good-bye Taylor. So again shifting my position, I denounced the devil-raiser as being a Christian, and once more fell back upon the conve- nient Israelitish origin as my stronghold. O Moses, whither thou goest, I will go ! What thou doest, I will do ! What thou thinkest, I will think ! Thy God shall be my God ! And when I die, the same Hand shall bury me, and I will be hid in the self-same grave. And as for you, father Abraham, I look so much like you, that anybody can tell at first glance, that I am your son. You cannot disown me ; so I'm safely landed once more, beyond a doubt. CHAPTER XI. LOVE'S EPISODE. It will not he long, dear reader, before you will be able to weld all tlu'se links into a cliain. Commonly as occurs tbe beading of tbis division in both sterner prose and tinselled poetry, I Avould deem it trifling to treat of it in this narrative, were it not sacredly connected with results about which you are expect- ing to read. At any rate you will not certainly think the less of my little book because it contains a love story. You will even agree with me, perhaps, that anybody who cannot give some account of love, has no business to write a book. But mark, I do not say the correlative of this. Brother, who was several years older than m3^solf, had for a considerable time past been paying his addresses to a beautiful, young Jewess, with, how- ever, neither the knowledge nor consent of our father. During the period of two years, the love on both sides was warmly reciprocated. It seems not to have occurred to brother that, there's many a slip between the cup and the lip, and consequently he did not fortify himself against the sad disappoint- ment which befell him. By some mischievous means, my dear, indulgent father obtained informa- tion about what was going on. So one day he took 107 108 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. my brotlier by surprise by asking him whether he went to see H., and if he wanted to marry her ? The poor boy was frightened — what boy would not be ? He turned pale, and trembling all over, stammered out, " Y-e-e-e-s." 'No more was said. Father turned away abruptly, leaving the petrified chap to dig out the secret