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MEMOIRS 
 
 THE LIFE AND CORRESPONDENCE 
 
 MRS. HAWKES. 
 
MEMOIRS 
 MRS. HAWKES 
 
 LATE OF ISLINGTON 
 
 INCLUDING, 
 
 REMARKS IN CONVERSATION 
 AND EXTRACTS FROM SERMONS AND LETTERS 
 
 OF THE LATE 
 
 REV. RICHARD CECIL. 
 
 BY CATHARINE CECIL. 
 
 I HAVE CHOSEN THEE IN THE FURNACE OF AFFLICTION. 
 
 Isa. xlviii. 10. 
 
 FR03I THE SECOND LONDON EDITION. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 J. WHETHA?!, 144, CHESTNUT STREET. 
 
 M DCGC XXXVIII. 
 
J. L. Powell, Printer, 
 Buriiu^toD, N. 
 
ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 It was the will of my deceased god-molher Mrs. Hawkes, 
 that I should possess her manuscript books and papers, after 
 her death ; not only on account of the numerous passages 
 which they contain relating to my honoured Father, but also 
 on account of that close and affectionate friendship which fol- 
 lowed from the relation in which she stood towards me. 
 
 The personal obligations conferred upon me, from early 
 childhood, by the deceased, together with my knowledge of 
 the minute details of her life, seemed to make it peculiarly my 
 duty to communicate to others those words of hers which may 
 be compared to a " well-spring of wisdom." And I have felt 
 the less reluctance to engage in a work, from which I should 
 otherwise have shrunk, while acting under a sense of providen- 
 tial direction, — being encouraged and urged to the undertak- 
 ing by some of the nearest relatives of the deceased, as well as 
 by several of my own particular Friends, whose judgment 1 
 could not but respect. 
 
 C. Cecil. 
 
 5, Little James Street, 
 Bedford Row. 
 
 June 20, 1837. 
 
ADVERTISEMENT TO THE SECOND EDITION. 
 
 At the request of some friends who had pur- 
 chased the First Edition of this work, a further 
 selection has been made from Mrs. Hawkes's 
 papers, of such remains of the late Rev. Richard 
 Cecil, as may be interesting to the public. This 
 further selection is added, in the Second Edi- 
 tion, to the former Appendix. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 The Christian experience of Mrs. Hawkes wliich is now 
 presented to the Pubhc, possesses a character common to that 
 of other believers, as it may be traced to the operation of the 
 Holy Spirit. On this account it ought to be considered pre- 
 cious in itself; apart from those considerations which, in the 
 present instance, concur to render it valuable to others. It is 
 not often that so many advantages unite to render the experi- 
 ence of a Christian profitable to the public in general. To find 
 the deepest views of the evil of sin, in a person whose moral 
 character was, through life, the most exemplary ;— the clearest 
 viev/s of the doctrines of grace, with a strict and conscientious 
 regard to their practical tendency ; — the strongest and mcst 
 simple faith, ever in connection with the penitence of her v;ho 
 washed the Saviour's feet with her tears ;— a love to God tru- 
 ly filial, ever blended with a reverential fear; and a humility 
 which was as the clothing of her soul ;— to find the cheerful 
 afiectionate friend, ever administering to others, in the same 
 person with the oppressed and afflicted sufFerer,-- where pa- 
 tience had, by means of constant trial, itsj^erfect work .-—these 
 are fruits of the Spirit so precious in themselves, and so rare 
 in their combination, that they require to be made manifest. 
 " Is a candle brought to be put under a bushel, or under a bed ? 
 and not to be set on a candlestick ? " 
 
 The subject of this Memoir was little known out of her own 
 circle. But the same reasons which induced the inspired wri- 
 ters to record the names of Lydia, " whose heart the Lord 
 opened to attend to the things spoken by Paul," apply strongly 
 to the present case. Thus also the Scripture speaks of "the 
 woman named Damaris," and of" Dionysiusthe Areopagite," 
 
VIII 
 
 PEEFACE. 
 
 of whom nothing ,s recorded except that they "believed." 
 This may appear of lii.ie consequence to the world : but the 
 Holy Sp,r,t thus teaches us that the greatest works go on in the 
 secret chambers of the heart, and in private life. ^Vhen our 
 bav.ourbru,sed Satan's E,npire_the greatest work that men 
 oranges ever beheld,_the Held of action was narrow, and 
 the world saw little in it to attract attention. Yet to the eye 
 of fatth, there is presented in the confined spot of Calvary a 
 stupendous work of power, wisdom, and goodness, which " An. 
 gels desire to lock into." And among the names recorded on 
 that solemn occasion, we find those of the few women who at- 
 tended our Saviour's crucifixion, and who were properlv affeCed 
 by that sight. Matt, xxvii. 56.-Luke xxiii. 4S. ' 
 
 Another inducement to the publication of these Memoirs is, 
 hat Mrs. Hawkes's records of her experience are left, (without 
 he least ,dea on her part of their ever seeing the light, but as 
 the natura result of her cultivated and intelligent mind,) in a 
 form suited both to delight and profit the serious Reader. In 
 this history there is not much variety of incident. The design 
 o the work .s to exhibit the spiritual exercises of her mi;d, 
 and to follow out her Christian experience under a continued 
 course of affliction. 
 
 The Sermons and other materials of this compilation, which 
 may appear foreign to the Memoir, have not, p'roperlv speak^ 
 ing, been introduced by the Biographer. They were found so 
 interspersed and interwoven in almost every page of Mrs 
 Hawkess diai-y, that it would have been difficult to separate 
 them. It ,s however believed that they will be found interesting 
 and instructive. The same must be observed respecting the 
 various allusions to Mr. Cecil's family, (of which Mrs. Hawkes 
 was for several years a member,) and which could not have 
 been omitted without breaking the thread of her private oxne- 
 nence and history. ' 
 
 Neither must it be forgotten that the fine character of Mrs 
 Hawkes was developed under the immediate trainin-r of Mr 
 Cecil's ministry and converse. She was a " plant of his hand 
 
PREFACE. IX 
 
 a child of his prayer;" and it is not surprising that where 
 there existed the relation of spiritual father and daughter, there 
 should result a degree of mental and moral affinity, giving 
 colour to Mrs. Hawkes's intellectual and religious character, 
 and appearing in her remains. 
 
 In Mrs. Hawkes's correspondence there will be found a 
 beautiful specimen of the communion of saints; all the letters 
 introduced contain some practical instruction, and breathe the 
 pure spirit of Christianity. She was a person fraught with so 
 much sympathy, and so deeply exercised in the school of af- 
 fliction, that every mourner sought to her as a general friend. 
 Both her verbal and written admonitions ever contained the 
 most judicious counsel, and were delivered in the most benev- 
 olent and affectionate manner. 
 
 In the early part of the work there is a large selection from 
 the letters of Mrs. Hawkes's sister, Mrs. Jones, — who was also 
 a very eminent Christian. Her style of writing is both lively 
 and interesting ; and her letters ever present religion in an 
 elevating and encouraging point of view. 
 
 Should it seem to any one unacquainted with Mrs. Hawkes, 
 that he'r character has been drawn by partiality, it is here seri- 
 ously affirmed, that every statement has been made from an 
 entire conviction of its truth ; and under a deep sense of the 
 solemn obligations under which a Biographer lies, to add 
 nothing in a way of panegyric. 
 
 There are not many who have been favoured with equal 
 opportunities with myself of knowing intimately the Deceased, 
 or of partaking so largely of her instructions. It was perhaps 
 a duty, when intrusted with her manuscript books and papers, 
 not to hide the talent in a napkin ; but rather to " gather up 
 the fragments" left by this valuable character, and present 
 them to the public in the form of a Mejioir. 
 
 The employment has furnished both delight and improve- 
 ment. It is impossible to trace closely " the path of the just" 
 without being cheered, as well as directed, by the light wliich 
 shines upon it. If a regret arises that a stronger hand was not 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 employed to hold up this shining light to others, it may be re- 
 membered, that a lamp loses nothing of its light from beino- 
 carried by a feeble hand. ° 
 
 May the Great Head of the Church condescend to accept, 
 and bless, what has been now done in dependence upon His 
 grace ; making it conduce to the encouragement and assistance 
 of his members upon earth, and especially to the promotion of 
 his own glory. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 FROia HER BIRTH TO HER MARRIAGE, 
 
 Page- 
 From A. D. 1759 to about 1785 13 
 
 CHAPTER 11. 
 
 FROM HER MARRIAGE TO HER SETTLEMENT AT HOLLOWAT. 
 
 From A. D. 1785 to 1790 17 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT HOLLOWAT TO HER LEAVING THAT PLACE. 
 
 From A. D. 1790 to 1796 37 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HER RESIDENCE IN 3rR. CECIl's HOUSE. 
 
 From A. D. 1796 to 1802 135 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT MR. COLLTER S TO HER REMOVAL TO 
 BETCHWORTH. 
 
 From A. D. 1802 to 181 1 181 
 
^^^ CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 HER TEMPORARY AUODE AT BETCinVORTH, 
 
 From A. D. 1811 to 1812 ^f^- 
 
 CHAPTER YU. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT PEI.TON PEACE TO HER REMOVAL TO 
 atJEEN's ROW, 
 
 From A. D. 1812 to 1817 oo- 
 
 CHAPTER YIII. 
 
 HER HESlDEJfCE AT atEEN's ROW, PE?fTOXVILLE. 
 
 From A. D. 1817 to 1838 265 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 HER REMOVAL FROM dUEEJf's ROW, AND SUBSEarEA^T RESIDENCE fX 
 CROSS STREET, ISLINGTON. 
 
 From A. D. 1828 to 1832 32g 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 CLOSING PERIOD OF HER LIFE. 
 
 From Jan. 1832 to Oct. 16, 1832 359 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 Concluding Remarks 3gg 
 
 Appendix 331 
 
MEMOIRS, ETC. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 FROM HER BIRTH TO HER MARRIAGE. 
 
 FROM A. D. 
 
 Introductory remarks — Her liirth — Piety of her parents — Concern for 
 the conversion of their children — Gaity of Mrs. Hawkes in her younger 
 years — Her love of music and reading — Her marriage. 
 
 The devout and discerning reader will not have proceeded far 
 in this volume, without feeling that it displays a character of 
 unusual vigour in the christian life ; and it is believed that no 
 such reader will close ihe volume, without thanking God for 
 the examples which it offers of faith and wisdom in his ser- 
 vants, and the evidence vv'hich it gives of His own gracious 
 dealings. 
 
 The subject of the following Memoir evidently belongs to 
 that company spoken of in Rev. vii. '14. "These are they 
 which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their 
 robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb:" and 
 the precious faith which she obtained, " though tried with fire, 
 will be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appear- 
 ing of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter i. 7. 
 
 The intention of the following pages is to manifest, chiefly 
 by a reference to the diary and letters of the deceased, the 
 supporting and purifying nature of that faith which she had 
 embraced ; and the genuine humility which accompanied her 
 high attainments in the school of Christ. 
 
 Three sources of affliction may be marked in the history of 
 this eminent servant of God. In the earlier part of her mar- 
 ried life, she enjoyed worldly prosperity, — but was severely 
 exercised by domestic trials. To this course of discipline suc- 
 ceeded the loss of affluence and ease ; which reduced her to a 
 state of dependence on the bounty of others. These trials 
 2 
 
1^ MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 were augmented during ihe latter years of her life by very 
 acute and unusual bodily sufferings ;— and throughout this 
 course, it is most instructive and encouraginjr to witness the 
 power of religion m sustaining her spirit, and in raising her 
 above all her complicated and lengthened trials. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes was born in the year 1759, at Broad Mars- 
 ton in Gloucestershire, where her parents resided. She was 
 the youngest of thirteen children, five ot^ whom died in child- 
 hood. Her father, Mr. Thomas Eden, was a person of stron^r 
 sense and real piety. He was intimately acquainted with the 
 Kev. John Wesley; and his house was always open for the 
 reception of that eminent servant of God, and his accompany- 
 ing preachers, in their annual circuit visits to that place. Mr 
 AVesley used to preach, on these occasions, at Pebworth 
 church, in a neighbouring village: but to provide more fre- 
 quent opportunities for preaching the gospel, Mr. Eden built 
 a small chapel at Broad Marston, near to his own house, the 
 services of which were always performed by Mr. Wesley's 
 preachers.^ Mr. Eden also left an estate, of about £60 a year 
 to be expended in several parishes, for the education of chil- 
 dren, from the age of five years, until they were able to ^o to 
 work. ^ 
 
 We may revert with equal pleasure to the christian charac- 
 ter of Mrs. Eden. It appears that devoted piety, and strict 
 attention to maternal duties, rendered her equally valuable 
 both as a wife and a mother. The instructions which she 
 gave her children were continually watered by her prayers 
 and tears, as well as illustrated by her example. 
 
 Though there are sad instances to the contrary, yet it has 
 been olten seen that eminently pious parents have been blessed 
 with eminently pious children. The command "Train up a 
 child in the way that he should go," is connected with the 
 proniisc "and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 
 bt. Paul, when bearing testimony to the unfeigned faith of 
 limothy, calls to remembrance that which also dwelt first in 
 his grandmother Lois, and his mother Eunice. A short ex- 
 tract from a letter of Mrs. Eden's, dated Dec. 1781, addressed 
 to her second daughter Mrs. Jones, will enable the reader to 
 form some idea of Mrs. Eden's feelings both with respect to 
 herself and her children. She writes as follows •— 
 
 •The reader will remember that at the period when Mr. Eden lived, 
 the Church of England was in a lamentahiy torpid state, which induced 
 many ot its pious members to encourage lay preachers. 
 
CHAP. I FROM A. D. 1759 TO 1785. 15 
 
 « 1 thankfully acknowledge the loving-kindness of the Lord, 
 in carrying on his good work in my soul. Truly can I sav] 
 it is my desire to live entirely to his glory. Blessed be God] 
 my health is much mended of late; and J trust the Lord will 
 spare me longer, to make me fitter to enjoy his blissful pre- 
 sence in a glorious eternity. 1 hope you and Mr. Jones go on 
 well, and press after greater depths of humble love, and more 
 of the image of your heavenly Father. I have many cares 
 and fears; but 1 cast them all on him who careth for me. The 
 souls of my dear children lie heavily on my heart : but through 
 mercy, I find myself more than ever resigned to the will of 
 God ; and 1 desire to leave all to him, and live only to his 
 glory. "_ 
 
 In this case, however, as in many others, the faith and pa- 
 tience of these pious parents were to" be tried bv not witnessing 
 the speedy conversion of those children, for 'whose spiritual 
 life, they had indeed " travailed in birth until Christ should be 
 formed in them.." The bread cast upon the waters was, never- 
 theless, found after many days. Not only the subject of this 
 memoir, but several of the other children of these pious parents 
 lived to become ornaments to society, and died in the faith of 
 ihe Gospel. 
 
 It may seem surprising that, with so many religious advan- 
 tages, the younger days of Miss Sarah Eden, afterwards Mrs. 
 Hawkes, should have been marked by the love of gaity and 
 amusement. But it must ever be remembered, that true piety 
 is not hereditary. How good soever the seed may be which 
 has been sown, and how"^ diligently soever it may have been 
 watered, God alone can " give the increase." The same work 
 of regenerating grace which was needful for the conversion of 
 the parent, is equally indispensable for the conversion of the 
 child. This truth needs, perhaps, to be more deeply consi- 
 dered by Christian parents. An entire reliance on the work 
 of Divine grace, without any abatement of those efforts which 
 are the absolute duty of parents, might cause the blessing to 
 descend more speedily. Still, it must be acknowledged, that 
 grace is sovereign ; and this respects both the time and man- 
 ner of conversion. The subject of this memoir was left for a 
 season to seek satisfaction where it could never be found. To 
 gratify her strong intellect by reading,— though disi'egarding a 
 wise selection of books ; to indulge her passionate fondness for 
 music: and to give herself to the socictv of those equally gay 
 and young friends, who, captivated by her peculiar sweetness 
 of disposition, were ever ready to seek her acquaintance;— oc- 
 
16 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWES. 
 
 cupied those early years of health and vigour, which she af- 
 terwards, justly lamented, as having been lost in vanity and 
 folly. In looking back upon them, she was ready to exclaim 
 with the Poet, 
 
 " Oh ! the dark days of vanity ! while here 
 How tasteless ' and how terrible when gone! " • 
 
 But Divince mercy had designed that her own Avays should 
 correct her. While intent on choosing the world for her por- 
 tion, and listening only to the Siren voice of earthly allure- 
 ments, — she formed a connexion in marriage entirely in con- 
 formity with such views. 
 
 The prospect was flattering as it regarded worldly advanta- 
 ges ; and, for a short season, opportunities were thus afforded 
 her for drinking more deep!}^ of the perishable pleasures of this 
 world ; of which, however, it may be said, " Whosoever drink- 
 eth of this water shall thirst again." John iv. 13. In the 
 midst of her career of worldly prosperity, the day of trouble 
 was fast approaching; and but for that special mercy which 
 designed to " bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfor- 
 tably to her,^ and give her vineyards from thence," Hos. ii. 
 14, 15, she would indeed have been made, " like the heath in 
 the desert, and would have inhabited the parched places in the 
 wilderness." Jer. xvii. 6. 
 
 Young's Night Thoughts. 2 u gpeak to her heart:' 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 FROM HER MARRIAGE TO HER SETTLEMENT AT 
 HOLLOWAY. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1785, TO 1790. 
 
 Her trials — Her conduct under them — Taken by her sister to hear the 
 Rev. Rich. Cecil — Receives deep religious impressions — Becomes a 
 constant attendant at St. John's Chnpel — First interview between Mr. 
 Cecil and Mrs. Hawkes — Begins to keep a Uiary — Her entire change 
 of character — Cautioned by Mrs. Jones against going to the Theatre — 
 Her value of ordinances — Letter to Mrs. Jones — Visit to Broad Mars- 
 tan, her native place — To Dudley — Correspondence between Mrs. 
 Hawkes and Mrs. Jones — Mrs. Hawkes goes to Birmingham — Sermon 
 of the Rev. C. Simeon's at St. Mary's — She visits Honey bourne and 
 other places, and returns to London — Mr. Cecil's visit — His remarks 
 — His illness. 
 
 The connexion which Mrs. Hawkes had formed was of a na- 
 ture very unlikely to promote her happiness. The union 
 had not been preceded by that serious consideration with regard 
 to suitableness in feelings and principles, so strongly recom- 
 mended in our wise and holy Liturgy. It cannot therefore be 
 thought surprising that her chief'trials should arise from this 
 quarter. 
 
 During this dispensation, two features of her character were 
 particularly manifested, liamely, a capacity for patient endur- 
 ance of evils which she could not remedy ; and a delicacy of 
 feeling which made her bear silently that sorrow which was 
 ever springing up afresh from deep and hidden recesses : she 
 could not so forget the relation in which she stood, as to dis- 
 cuss with her fellow creatures the peculiarities of lier case. 
 
 But when more than human sympathy became needful, she 
 was to receive the instructive consolation; " My grace is suffi- 
 cient for thee." In her case was to be exhibited that grand 
 prerogative of the Gospel, in making " all things work together 
 for good " to those who receive it. She was taught to " cast 
 her burden on the Lord," and was enabled to understand, in 
 some measure, the design of present trials, as effecting a me- 
 dicinal process, in order to brmg about the gracious results 
 proposed in that Scripture, "Behold 1 have refined thee, but 
 not with silver; 1 have chosen thee in the furnace of afflic- 
 tion." Isa. xlviii. 10. 
 2* 
 
18 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 While Mrs. Hawkes's mind was in this state, a circumstance 
 took place, which though seemingly of small importance, 
 proved, by its results, to have been overruled by that Divine 
 Providence which ever guides and directs human events. ]\Irs. 
 Havvkes had a pious sister, who, with her excellent husband, 
 Mr. Jones, belonged to the congregation of St. Mary's Church, 
 Birmingham: attending the ministry of the Rev. Edw. Burn. 
 
 Mrs. Jones having meniioned to Mr. Burn her intention of 
 visiting her sister in London, Mr. Burn particularly recom- 
 mended her going to hear the Rev. Richard Cecil, while she 
 was in town. In compliance with this recommendation, Mrs. 
 Jones went to St. John's Chapel, Bedford Row, accompanied 
 by Mrs. Hawkes. This occurred in the spring of the year 1787. 
 
 The impression made upon Mrs. Hawkes's mind, on this 
 occasion, was deep and abiding. She entered into the sanctu- 
 ary "a woman grieved in spirit:" Isa. liv. 6. She returned 
 thence no longer sorrowful, but with new and powerful im- 
 pressions of the efficacy of Scripture consolations ; and with 
 earnest desires to become a partaker of spiritual blessings. 
 From this period Mrs. Hawkes constantly attended St. John's 
 Chapel. 
 
 Mr. Jones, delighted to discover the deeply serious slate of 
 her sister's mind, and truly anxious to promote her spiritual 
 interests, was induced to write to Mr. Cecil, after an interval 
 of two years, and to request he would call upon Mrs. Hawkes. 
 
 Mr. Cecil's answer will be found included in the followin<T 
 letter, sent by Mrs. Jones to her sister, in the month of Februa- 
 ry, 1789, wherein she writes : — 
 
 " I have been considering that if « to obtain a friend is worth 
 all hazards we can run,' 1 surely ought to venture somethino- 
 towards procuring for you, if possible, the advice and counsel 
 of Mr. Cecil. I have therefore written to beg the favour of him 
 to call upon you ; for I think that the state of your mind par- 
 ticularly requires it. I did this with much fear: which 1 find 
 by his kind answer, there was no need for. I will transcribe 
 a part of his letter for your encouragement. ' I most heartily 
 join in rejoicing on the happy occasion of your letter ; and the 
 angels, we are certainly informed, join us both. It has been 
 matter of much grief to me, during nearly nine years constant 
 labour among the people of St. John's, to observe how few, 
 comparatively speaking, believe the Gospel report to any sav- 
 ing purpose. Some indeed, I have observed awaking as from 
 a dream, and setting out in good earnest towards the kingdom. 
 Others seem roused a little, but soon fall down again in faster 
 
CHAr. II. — FROM A. D. 1785 to 1790. 19 
 
 slumber than before ; and some seentied determined to sleep at 
 any rate. Happy indeed shall I be if Mrs. Hawkes is found 
 of the first class, — that when the bridegroom cometh, she may, 
 as a wise virgin, be prepared for all consequences. 
 
 ' 1 shall hope, Madam, for that assistance which I am per- 
 suaded your prayers will afford — together with those encour- 
 agements and admonitions which young converts need from 
 every quarter. JZ/y assistance can he but general to one whom, 
 at present, I know only by name ; but yours may be particu- 
 lar and appropriate: and all will be found little enough as 
 means, to secure a profession which has to grapple with the 
 disorders not only of the careless, but religious world.' 
 
 " You see how glad the servant of God is, to hear of your 
 setting out. Do not fear to speak to him with freedom ; the 
 good of souls is the chief desire of his heart, as well as the ob- 
 ject of his endeavours. Though I cannot be present with you 
 in person, on Friday, I hope for particular access to Him, who 
 presides over your conversation, and who will Himself be pre- 
 sent by his Spirit. I mean particularly to observe that day 
 with much prayer. May the Holy Spirit be poured out upon 
 us in rich abundance. J shall be almost one of your party; 
 the ethereal part is not detained by cumbrous clay. I have 
 been much mortified on account of my forgetfulness of your 
 request;^ but you know my weakness." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's first interview with Mr. Cecil took place 
 shortly after; and thus commenced a sacred friendship, begun 
 indeed in time, but reaching to eternity ; a relationship between 
 a father in the Gospel, and a spiritual child, who was to be 
 his joy and crown at the appearing of Jesus Christ. 
 _ The advantages which Mrs. Hawkes derived from Mr. Ce- 
 cil's ministry and private instructions, will best be seen by a 
 reference to her diary. Many of her memorandums being in 
 an obsure short hand, must unavoidably be lost. Some ex- 
 tracts from those which are written at length, will show the 
 progress of Divine grace in her mind. The following was an 
 account of her first interview with Mr. Cecil. 
 
 Feb. 17, 1789. " A day to me very momentous : I look 
 upon myself to-day as having entered the list of public profes- 
 sors of Christianity ; i. e. to have declared myself as a follow- 
 er of Christ. 
 
 "For many years past I have been much stumbled by mark- 
 
 i An engagement to meet at a certain hour for prayer. 
 
20 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 ing the spirit, temper, and conduct of some professors. This 
 may have been partly Irom my own ignorance of human na- 
 ture, and partly from erecting too high a standard for profes- 
 sors in general. For though that religion connot be real 
 which does not in some degree make old things become new, 
 yet I have expected, perhaps, that it should change men into 
 angels. This view, however, has made me to say to myself 
 over and over, If ever 1 am religious, I will keep it a secret; 
 for I will never make a profession, lest I too, should fall below 
 the mark, and disgrace that sacred cause. A dread of this 
 has, for many years, made me silent when my heart was at 
 times stirred : but more especially since I first heard at St. 
 John's, two years ago. My mind before this period, was 
 merely transiently impressed, and the impressions v/ore away, 
 and vanished like the morning dew ; but from the first time 
 of hearing Mr. Cecil, I earnestly began to cry out, ' What 
 
 SHALL I DO TO BE SAVED.' 
 
 " During the last two years I have literally ' roared with an- 
 guish of spirit.' The arrows of the Almighty have stuck so 
 fast in me. Temptations from the world — temptations from 
 within, — and most horrible temptations or suggestions from 
 my spiritual enemy — have made my f^esh tremble. The only 
 thing that seemed to save me from absolute despair and distrac- 
 tion, was the reading Christian's fight wilh Apollyon ; and his 
 walk through the dark valley, in the Pilgri3i's Progress. 
 
 " It is generally believed among many of my acquaintance 
 that I am mad. I have been mad with vanity and folly, but 
 I trust that now the Lord is bringing me to a right mind. 
 
 " Though I have many very godly acquaintan'ce and friends, 
 I could never speak my mind to them ; and I durst not speak 
 to my minister, whom 1 never flail to hear, because of my de- 
 termination to keep my religion to myself. At length, how- 
 ever, after much sorrow, and many prayers. He that^promises 
 help in time of need, sent his faithful and kind messenger to 
 me, the least of all, with words of admonition, comfort, and 
 instruction ; which, while they are, I trust, engraven on my 
 heart, I am also desirous to retain in my memory as to the 
 jyarticidars : and thus to secure to myself the advantage of of- 
 ten looking them over. 
 
 " In conversing, I first named my great and long predomin- 
 ating fear of making a profession, lest I should dishonour God. 
 To which Mr. C. replied, — ' Every Christian must meet with 
 difficulties, temptations, and trials ; and so will you. But 
 what then? Is not God able to defend you? We, as ministers 
 
CHAP. II. FROM A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 21 
 
 of the Gospel, greatly rejoice to direct and assist our flock ; 
 but in a thousand cases, it is utterly out of our power to do it, 
 even where we are most intimate. You will frequently find 
 yourself alone in your journey, and feel that you can turn to 
 no friend on earth for direction. In such cases, you must not 
 be dismayed, but trust in God ; and feel out your way like one 
 groping in the dark ; take a step at a time. 
 
 ' On the other hand, take care, when you receive help from 
 any friend, or your minister, that you do not lean too much 
 upon them, nor be too anxious for their support. We are all 
 poor earthen vessels. 
 
 ' Watch and pray against failures; but take heed of despond- 
 ing under them. Be content to travel as you are able. The 
 oak springs from the acorn ; but does it become a tree at once ? 
 Because the stage waggon cannot travel to York as fast as the 
 stage conch, would you therefore say it will never get to York ? 
 The mushroom springs up in a night; but what is the mushroom? 
 
 ' You must not look for perfection either in yourself or others. 
 Not to allow for the infirmities and defects of a fallen nature, 
 is not to understand any thing about the matter ; nay, it is to 
 speak directly contrary to the Bible, the standard of all truth. 
 There never was more than one perfect character upon earth, 
 and he was the most tender and compassionate towards the 
 imperfections of men. He knew what was in man, for he 
 looked at the heart ; and if he saw that right, he pitied, where 
 those who judged only by the oiiticard apperance, blamed ; 
 and defended, where they condemned. 
 
 * There is one distinction you should keep very clear in your 
 mind — that religion itself, in its essence, is perfect ; as our 
 rule and standard it is unerring ; nor can it be affected by the 
 inconsistences or imperfections of its professors : the standard 
 remains the same : the balances are true : but when its pro- 
 fessors are weighed therein, — even the very best of them, — 
 they are found wanting. Our aim must be to get every day 
 nearer the standard ; for w hoever does not labour, not merely 
 desire, but labovr to be a better Christian every day, is not yet 
 a Christian at all. Yet in this you must exercise patience. 
 Do not measure yourself by a false standard. There are no 
 doubt giants in the Christian world, — but would you be a giant 
 at once? Do not be satisfied to be a dwarf; but remember 
 there must be time to grow.' 
 
 Question to Mr. C. respecting dress. 
 
 Ansiver : 'Religion takes root in the heart, and when it 
 has once got deeply rooted, it will be sure to regulate every 
 
22 ME3I01RS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 thing without. It will so occupy the mind, that every thing 
 else will begin to lose its importance. Religion puts every 
 thing in its proper place; and makes present things lighter 
 than vanity. Even business, or literature, or science, if any 
 one of these takes full possession of the mind, it makes dress 
 a very insigniticant thing; and often neglected even to sloven- 
 liness. How much more indifferent will religion make us 
 about it. Nevertheless, it is good to avoid singularity of 
 habit. No real Christian can give into the butterfly fooleries 
 and extravagances of dress, — any more than they can run into 
 the dissipation of worldly company. Religion does not bid 
 you turn hermit, but rather to ornament your station. 
 
 * Be careful, in your commerce with the world, to act up to 
 the character you profess. Do not put on a Pharisaical man- 
 ner of, " Stand by, for 1 am holier than thou." Yet let it ap- 
 pear, that while you are under the necessity of hearing their 
 vain conversation, you have no taste for it; no delight or in- 
 terest in it. A humble, kind silence often utters ?nuch. 
 
 ' None can pretend to say how far you may intermix in 
 worldly company, and get no stain or soil. Situation, circum- 
 stances, &c., must all be taken into consideration. But this 
 may be said, that he only mixes with the world with safety, 
 who does it not from inclination, but necessity. 
 
 « As to amusements, and what are called recreations, a really 
 awakened Christian will neither find taste nor leisure for them. 
 Religion furnishes the mind with objects sufficient to fill up 
 every vacancy. Yet as you name them, I would have you 
 mark carefully every thing that disposes or indisposes the 
 mind to holy pursuits. Persons of tender health are very care- 
 ful to avoid whatever is hurtful; such as damps — infectious 
 rooms — blighting winds. They attend to the injunctions of 
 their physicians, the cautions of their friends, &c. If people 
 were but as careful about their spiritual health as they are of 
 their bodily health, we should see much stronger and taller 
 Christians. 
 
 'Above all, before you become a pilgrim, sit down and 
 COUNT THE COST. Your joumcy is up-hill every step of 
 the way. You have foes within, ready to join with foes 
 without to hinder, perplex, alarm, and distress you. Wisdom 
 in the fight, is only to be gained by fighting. If the young 
 convert could learn from the old Christian, what experience 
 alone can teach, he might have a far easier journey ; but each 
 one must learn it for himself, and often by very painful disci- 
 pline. Nor must we think our case hard, if we arc made to 
 
CHAP. II. FROBI A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 23 
 
 pass through much tribulation ; since it is the way of all be- 
 lievers—nay of Christ himself. 
 
 ' No doubt God could have led his people by an easier me- 
 thod. But since he has chosen this, it must be the best. He 
 could have brought the Israelites into the land of promise by a 
 shorter and a smoother way : but what he did was intended to 
 prove them; to show them what was in their hearts— and to 
 be a lesson to us. 
 
 * Take care that you never harbour hard thoughts of God. 
 It is one of Satan's chief devices, to make you think dishon- 
 ourably of God. Nolhing is more displeasing to God, nor 
 more injurious to the life of religion. See the slothful servant 
 in the Gospel. 
 
 'Throughout the Scriptures you see how gracious God is : 
 How he stoops to the poorest creature that comes to him 
 through a mediator: How small an offering he will accept; 
 if there can be hut a small one. A single sigh from a contrite 
 heart will penetrate his ear. 
 
 ' Wherever God gives faith he will try it ; and whoever be- 
 comes a follower of Christ, must deny himself, and take up his 
 cross— must make great sacrifices— such as right hands, and 
 right eyes : must expect opposition, persecution, mortification, 
 cruel scoffings,— not only from the world, buf from nearest 
 and dearest friends. A man's sharpest and bitterest foes are 
 "those of his own household." You must set vour face like 
 a flint against threatenings, and against allurements. 
 
 'But 1 would warn you of another danger arisin^r from a 
 quarter you may least expect— namely, from the religious 
 WORLD ITSELF. There are stumbling-blocks even in the 
 church ; there are many professors, who^, when they see a per- 
 son setting out in religion, will advise, one this course, and 
 one that. One sort says, " religion is in its best estate among 
 ws." Another sort says, " among ws;"_and the voung con- 
 vert, having a tender conscience, desirous of beiriir right, is 
 often greatly perplexed ; for he finds that in the religfous world 
 there is a party spirit. Instead of obtaining the milk of the 
 word, he has to distinguish between hones of doctrine ; till at 
 last he begins to doubt if there be any true spirit of religion at all. 
 ' Do not form too high expectations from the professing 
 world. Do not be in haste to form connexions— to make ac*^ 
 quaintances— to place confidence— to turn to every professor 
 and say, lead me. 
 
 'Do not enter into the list of religious gossips ; who may 
 not only puzzle you about hard points of doctrine, but may 
 
24 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 lead you to waste your time to no purpose, in going from house 
 to house, talking, instead of getting into the spirit of unity. 
 There are too many of this sort; whose chief religion lies in 
 rroinf' from church to church to hear, and from house !o house 
 to prate; but who are too seldom in their closets, too seldom 
 in close converse with God. Retired Christianity is the truest. 
 It is easy to fill the head with notions ; but to sit still like 
 Mary, at Christ's feet, and be a learner, is far better. Always 
 be afraid of a specious religion. 
 
 ' However high the cost may be of becoming a pilgrim, do 
 not be disheartened. Remember, greater is He that is for 
 you, than he that is against you. The Gospel requires nothing 
 which it does not give you strength to perform. You must 
 either wear Christ's yoke, or the devil's yoke ; and it need not 
 be told you which is the easiest. Godliness is great riches 
 even in this world; and what shall you share in the next? If 
 you be heartily on God's side, he will be on yours.'' 
 
 Ques. " But suppose I should be in the number of such as 
 shall ' seek to enter in, and not be able?' " 
 
 Ans. ' Observe, there is a material difference between one 
 that only seeks to enter in — and one that strives to enter in. 
 It is said, " strive to enter in at the strait gate ; for many shall 
 seel', and not be able." Here striving is distinguished from 
 seeking. Do not be a listless uncertain seeker : but strive de- 
 lerminately — constantly — earnestly. Be like ihe merchant, 
 whose head and heart are always on his merchandise. He 
 watches wind and weather — seizes every favourable turn in 
 business. He is all energy — all pursuit — no(hinor can divert 
 him from his point. They that thus strive to enter in al the 
 strait gate, taking God's way and help, shall never fail. 
 
 'But the Christian must wait as well as pursue. He must 
 exercise faith and patience as well as diligence. The husband- 
 man wailcth long for the harvest. You must have patience 
 with yourself. You must have patience with God. There is 
 nothing which young Christians are more apt to fall into than 
 impatience. If they do not immediately see an answer to their 
 pravers, ihey say, " The Lord does not hear — he does not re- 
 gard." Whereas, you must fix your faith in the promise and 
 word of God; which declares, he does hear, whatever appear- 
 ances mny be. He may not answer your prayers in your 
 time, but he will answer them in the best time. Do not judge 
 from your frames and feelings ; but by the word of God, which 
 says, " I will hear them that call upon me." — " Faithful is he 
 that lialh promised." ' 
 
CHAP. II.-— FROM A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 25 
 
 Ques. " How far those persons are right, who insist upon 
 our ascertaining the precise time, and manner, when the par- 
 don of sin is acluaily received? " 
 
 Arts. *The best evidence of the pardon of sin, is, that we 
 bring forth the fruits of righteousness. Evidence is the child 
 of experience. Those who talk of sudden and instantaneous 
 assurance, talk at random. Assurance is a fruit and effect of 
 figfjteousness. It is progressive.' 
 
 Ques. " How far I might, with safety, indulge my strono- 
 passion for music V ^ a 
 
 "Mr. Cecil replied with solemnity, « You may indulge that 
 as well as every other taste, as far as it tends to the gfory of 
 God, and does not interfere with the progress of the^soul in 
 divine things.' 
 
 " I feel self-condemnation, and captivity. But by Divine 
 help, I will endeavour to set this rule before me; and will 
 make a stand, whatever it may cost me, against what I think 
 1 may call my ruling passion. 
 
 " I count it a snare, and a misfortune, for a young woman 
 to be in the habit of exhibiting any talent she' is peculiarly 
 famed for. I have felt its evil, and I know that a good voice 
 has many temptations. Mothers and friends are too apt to 
 gratify themselves and their daughters, at the expense of dis- 
 cretion and propriety. Not that this was the case with mv 
 dear and honoured mother; for she never would allow me, if 
 she knew it, to sing any thing but Psalms and Hymns. But 
 alas ! this did not satisfy me. I now see my folly. "^ 
 
 The next extracts mark the entire change of character and 
 taste which a true reception of the Gospel will always effect ; 
 as well as that opposition frequently manifested by those who 
 are unacquainted with its efncacy. 
 
 April, 1789 — " Certain friends who have been in the habit 
 of dining, and dawdling away the Sunday with us, think I am 
 mad, or at least that I am a dreadful bigot. ' I used,' they 
 say, ' to be amiable and obliging. Why not, as formerly, go 
 to the Foundling— the Asylum, the Magdalen— or drive in the 
 park. Off to Church in the morning— hurry over your din- 
 ner, off again in the afternoon—then off to Church'ao-ain in 
 the evening ! It is too much of a thing. Mr. H. ou|ht not 
 to suffer It. Never any woman was so chanfred! ' Ah so I 
 had need to be ; so I desire to be. I have dawdled away too 
 
 ' Mrs. Hawkes observed to a friend, that the sinking of songs was a 
 part of worldly conformity— Me last she was able to give up. 
 
26 MEMOIRS OF 3rRS. HAWKES. 
 
 many Sabbaths. I now begin to taste the comforts of this 
 change ; and by the help of God, I will persevere, however I 
 may be ridiculed or hated." 
 
 iVed. — " I prize my Wednesdays, and long for their com- 
 ing round, because of the delightful evenings at Long Acre 
 Chapel. Ah, how much more comfort have I now than for- 
 merly in going to the theatre ; which I was so immoderately 
 fond of, as to believe I could never become indifferent to it. A 
 letter from my invaluable sister Jones did me much good upon 
 this point." 
 
 Extracts from the religious correspondence between Mrs. 
 Hawkes and Mrs. Jones having been preserved, and kindly 
 furnished by a member of Mrs. Hawkes's family, an opportu- 
 nity is atforded of supplying that port of Mrs. Jones's letter 
 to which allusion has just been made ; it is as follows : — 
 
 "You ask me respecting the innocence of going to hear and 
 see Mrs. Siddons. For my own part, though my taste might 
 be pleased, I should be afraid to frequent the theatre, because 
 of the evil influence attending such places. I apprehend that 
 if, in such an assembly, our eyes, like those of the servant 
 of Elisha, were opened, we should see a host of evil spirits differ- 
 ently engaged, according to the variety of dispositions and pro- 
 pensities they had to encounter; and we might reasonably ex- 
 pect, that if any of the worshippers of God had dared to ven- 
 ture into a place so consecrated to Satan, that he would appoint 
 some of his first engines to attack them." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes next notices in her diary, a visit to a clergy- 
 man in the country, who had " run well," but who from her 
 reflections seems to have been a backslider. Her remarks 
 show that her own conscience was truly tender, and keenly 
 alive to the concerns of her soul. 
 
 May 3, 1789. — "Arrived at , a beautiful rural spot. 
 
 Much money has been expended to beautify the house and gar- 
 dens : — but alas ! I perceive that though their possessor has 
 recourse to employment — to music — to company — he is like 
 the dove that found no rest for the sole of her foot. Oh, that 
 he would return to the ark ! " 
 
 Sunday. — " A beautiful little church, on an enchanting spot 
 of rising ground, very picturesque and interesting. But, the 
 waters are bitter ; nothing grows ! 
 
 " My prayers and tears will not avail, but who can tell ! " 
 
 June 25. — " Returned to town. My revered minister, and 
 the Rev. Mr. Burn, breakfasted with us. * The tongue of the 
 just is as choice silver.' 
 
CHAP. II.— FR03I A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 27 
 
 *' My trials at home seem heavier after an absence. « The 
 heart kno^veth its own bitterness.' When shall I have attained 
 that seem.ngl>' hard lesson, to do tvell and suffer for it patient- 
 ly? J can suffer for it silently, but where is patience, love, re- 
 signation ? ' t ret not thyself in any wise to do evil.' 
 ^ " The brightest morning has often the darkest evenintr. So 
 It has been with me to-day. So feeble is the texture Sf my 
 mmd, that it is easily thrown into disquietude : but many tears 
 will not compose it again. No wonder that such a poor, re- 
 beilious, proud, sinful creature as I am, should need, and have 
 correction: but how far less have I than I deserve! I would 
 desire to receive chastening as my necessary food, for ' Whom 
 the Lord loveth he chasteneth.' " 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's dispensation was indeed one of varied and 
 iong.continued suffering. He, however, who for wise ends 
 had so ordered It, had given her a willing and obedient spirit, 
 ready to take the appointed yoke and wear it patiently : which 
 disposition was in itself a special blessing. Consolations of 
 the highest order were also provided for her. In her knowled^G 
 of Christ she found, "A tabernacle for a shadow in the day 
 time from the heat, and for a place of refuge, and for a covert 
 from storm and from rain." Isaiah iv. 6. The followina re- 
 cords will show, that while travelling through a dry and weary 
 iand and under a scorching sun, it was in the sanctuary that 
 she found shade. ^ 
 
 Sunday, June 28.-'< My heart leaps for joy in mv restora- 
 tion to my beloved and highly-valued privileges. "'I would 
 rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, than dwell in 
 the palaces of the ungodly.' " 
 
 Sunday, July 5.-!" Great weakness of body-many sharp 
 trials from without-a disturbed and distracted mind-an evi^i 
 foolish imagination-a malignant enemy,-all attack me. But 
 there is a rock in this weary land." 
 
 Mm.—'' Never again comply with any solicitations to leave 
 my appointed place of worship ; for where can I go to be so richly 
 led f Better say no to a friend, than say ijes, to my soul's loss ! " 
 Sunday, July 12.-- I feel it a profitable indulgence to at- 
 tend early worship at Lothbury. The season is sacred, the 
 bustle and folly of the world is not yet awake ,• there is a holy 
 sympathy in the congregation ; and the ordinance of the Lord's 
 Supper IS peculiarly delightful. I ought to think little of my 
 week-day sorrows, for such inestimable favours on the Sabbath. 
 Sunday, J///^ 19.-- 1 find it good to rise early to secure 
 time, before public worship, for reading and prayer: and in 
 
28 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 order that I may do this, let me imitate my honoured mother's 
 custom of getting every thing of family l)usiness done on the 
 Saturday niglU. She never failed to have every thing done, 
 even to the preparation of every article for dinner; so that her- 
 self, children and servants, were freed from all occupation on 
 the Sabhath. I recollect with reverence her godly habits. 
 Alas ! how little did 1 honour her as 1 ought to have done when 
 she was living. But I feel the benefitof her pious example now" 
 
 Sunday^ July 26. — " Too ill to observe my usual habit of 
 rising early. The Lord will have ' mercy and not sacrifice.' 
 1 am enabled this day to set to my seal, that in the sanctuary 
 I have found rivers of living water; and my dim eyes begin to 
 see a litlle of the beauty of the Sun of Righteousness." 
 
 Sunday, Avgust 2. — " Who ever trusted in the Lord and 
 was disappointed? Who ever came to him desiring to be fed 
 with the bread of heaven, and was sent empty away ? Not I, 
 this day, unworthy as I am! I am made, in a manner, to for- 
 get all the piercing sorrows of the week, and to say, let me 
 only be favoured with the presence of my Saviour, and wel- 
 come all my allotted trials." 
 
 Thus as a new-born babe did Mrs. Hawkes " desire the sin- 
 cere milk of the word, that she might grow thereby." She 
 expresses strongly, in the following letter to Mrs. Jones, that 
 support which she now derived, even in the midst of outward 
 trials, from the consolations of religion. 
 
 " This has been a choice morning to my poor barren soul, 
 which for the last week has been tried within and without. 
 But blessed be my gracious Lord, who hath poured water up- 
 on the dry ground of my heart, and caused it to breathe forth, 
 longing, panting, desires after Himself. I feel the relYeshing 
 droppings of his Spirit ; and I am constrained to go out atler 
 him, whom, having not seen (glory be to his name,) I inex- 
 pressibly love and adore! Oh, the preciousness of a present 
 Saviour! Oh, that he were thus ever present ! 1 fear that I am 
 not enough thankful for the goodness of my God. When heavy 
 trials come, 1 am too apt to be bowed down. Not murmuring, 
 thank God; I think I have not for a long time felt anything 
 of that : — but I fear 1 am not rejoicing as I ought to be, for the 
 many mercies that are mixed with my great trials. 1 call up- 
 on you to unite with me in praise and thanksgiving; I cannot 
 give words to my full heart I'or the goodness and tenderness 
 of God to me, the most unworthy of all his creatures. Glory 
 be to his name, that he has graciously caused me to seek, and 
 to find Him; — that by bringing me into his marvellous light, 
 
CHAP. II. FROM A. D. 1765 TO 1790. 29 
 
 he has afforded me such superior enjoyments, such ennoblintr 
 views, such secret and solid satisfaction ; such as, I am sure° 
 never entered into my heart to conceive ! Oh, it is all wonder 
 and astonishment, that so much mercy should be bestowed on 
 so undeserving a wretch ! But these aVethe benefits and bless- 
 ings of redeeming love. Perhaps you will say, I am indulg- 
 ing too high a flight. But who can soar too high, when con- 
 templating the wondrous works of redemption? It is only to 
 you, that I indulge the overflowing of my gratitude; one turn 
 of my conscious eye into my vile ^seJf, at once awes and chas- 
 tises my rapture; and tells me, with such favours, how far I 
 am from what I ought to be." 
 
 The spiritual joy with w^hich Mrs. Hawkes was favoured in 
 the early stages of her conversion, together wn'th her severe 
 trials, exemplified in a striking manner the fulfilment of that 
 promise, "I will betroth thee unlo me for ever; yea, I will 
 betroth thee unfo me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in 
 loving-kindness, and in mercies: I will even betroth thee unto 
 me in faithfulness ; and thou shalt know the Lord." Hosea ii. 
 19, 20. It is, however, one characteristic of the new creature to 
 be subject to fears respecting its preservation. These fears are 
 naturally expressed in the following extract from her diary. 
 _ August 3.—" I am truly cast down because the time is ar- 
 rived when we make our annual visit into the country. Some 
 of the places to which I must go are peculiarly unfavourable 
 to religion. I have also formerly exhibited there gaiety and 
 folly. I have now to make a stand, and support a very dif- 
 ferent character. I am young and inexperienced in Christiani- 
 ty ; I shall have no support from any creature. What if I 
 should fall into temptation? what if I should be among such 
 as are ashamed of Jesus and his cause? what if I sho'iild be 
 like Pliable, and slide away into unworthy compliances ! My 
 very heart is ready to faint with fear. But I will pray with 
 Jabez, ' O, that thou wouidest bless me indeed, and let thine 
 hand be with me to keep me from evil.' " 
 
 Broad 3Iarsfon.^ August 7.—" Through mercy, I am here 
 m safety, and find my valuable brother Henry in better health. 
 May his life long be spared. He is a great ornament to reli- 
 gion, and a comfort to all about him. His great strength of 
 understanding, and his remarkable aimableness and comp'osure 
 
 'The paternal residence; and where Mrs. Hawkes had lived till the 
 time of her marriage. Her second brother, Henry, continued to rent the 
 estate after the death of his parents. 
 3* 
 
30 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 of temper, are truly admirable. I have lived with him many 
 yearvS, but I do not remember to have seen him angry on more 
 than one occasion. Whenever he reproved eilhnr friend, do- 
 mestic, or labourer, it was with mildness and dignity ; and his 
 unclouded, cheerful, genuine piety, spread a lustre over the 
 whole of his character that was not to be described. O may 
 1 copy his bright example." 
 
 Avgvst 9. — " I have been shutting myself up in my dear 
 departed mother's chamber, the very walls and furniture of 
 which are sacred. A thousand times have I marked her re- 
 tiring into it for purposes of devotion. Often have I overheard 
 her strong cries and tears to God, and often caught the sound 
 of, ' MY CHILDREN,' as if that interest was uppermost. At 
 morning, at noon, and at evening, she never failed to retire to 
 read and pray. Thousands of tears has she shed in this cham- 
 ber: where 1 have sometimes had the privilege of kneeling 
 down by her side. How present in her image ! how sweet my 
 communion with her departed spirit! Little did I then know 
 the value of her intercession for lier children ; or the weight 
 of her character or example as a Christian. Thank God, I 
 know it now ; and abhor myself in proportion as I estimate 
 her* Oh that I might but tread in her honoured steps ! Oh 
 that her prayers for every one of us may be like ' bread cast 
 upon the waters,' found after many days ! Oh may my dear 
 mother's God be my God! He graciously carried her through 
 many years of weakness and sorrow. He enabled her to walk 
 worthy of her high calling; and he stood by her in a dying 
 hour. Her last words were, ' For me to die is gain' — and, '1 
 will pray for my children while I liave breath.' 
 
 " My brother seemed much upon her mind. Oh may 
 
 his mother be much upon his mind, and upon all our minds ; 
 and may we meet her in glory ! Who knows but her happy 
 spirit has been a witness to my secret transactions in her for- 
 mer chamber. May all my transactions through life be equal- 
 ly pleasing in her eyes ! " 
 
 Dudley. — " I am here truly ' like a sparrow upon the house- 
 top.' I am full of fears lest I should dishonour that holy name 
 and cause I have so lately professed ; — lest I should grieve 
 that Holy Spirit, whose influence alone can support and help 
 me. Thanks be to God, that he gives me to feel my danger, 
 and shows me where lies my strength; and he also enables 
 me, in the spirit of a little child, to tell him all my complaints 
 and fears ; and to call upon him for security. 'Hold up my 
 goings in thy paths, that my Ibolstcps slip not.'" 
 
CHAP. II — FROM A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 31 
 
 Mem, — "' Beware of hasty friendships; examine all new 
 j)roposals' 1 have had one to-day, but the advice at the begin- 
 ning of this book^ warns me. I have already experienced great 
 advantage from endeavouring to follow my wise counsellor, in 
 avoiding not only too great a degree of pliableness of temper, 
 but also a mean, sneaking, irresolute, shame-faced behaviour 
 among worldly people. 1 find by experience, that they soon 
 discover when the mind is made up; and on making this dis- 
 covery, cease to persuade you to join with them in "their pur- 
 suits ; while they secretly respect the consistent character. I 
 perceive this strongly in the remarks made upon certain per- 
 sons. Some say, we are to become all things to all men. 
 But my honoured minister observed, we are in clanger, lest in 
 imitating St. Paul in becoming all things to all men, we attempt 
 his work without the ballast.^^ 
 
 It was a great mercy to Mrs. Hawkes, that during her spir- 
 itual conflicts she had a sister strong in the faith, who was to 
 her a nursing mother, to whom she could unburden every 
 thought with advantage, and meet in return both sympathy 
 and spiritual counsel. A reference to the correspondence of 
 these affectionate sisters, may often illustrate the progress of 
 the work of grace in Mrs. Ilawkes's mind. In the following 
 letter, Mrs. Jones, with a view to encourage her sister, expa- 
 tiates, in a very animating manner, on the love and forbear- 
 ance of God ; she writes— 
 
 " I have had many exercises, but God has enabled me to He 
 at anchor until the storm was over. I have had much to bear 
 within myself, but God is a God of 'patience, and therefore he 
 beareth not like man, but like himself. There is no end of his 
 goodness ! no, no end ! We serve a God of love, who accepts 
 our endeavours to please him. He is not extreme to mark 
 with rigour" every little failure, but regards the motive, and 
 the aflections; and saith, « Let your love be without dissimu- 
 lation : let that be fixed ; and as to other things, I know what 
 is in man, and consider that he is but dust ; and on that ac- 
 count I have opened a fountain to wash away his sin and un- 
 cleanness. His defilement shall not hinder the exercise of my 
 love towards him ; sinful as he is, if he abides in me, (by faith 
 and love,) and my word abides in him, (as the mark to which 
 he aims,) he may ask what he will, and it shall be done unto 
 
 Her Diary, where she recorded Mr. Cecil's remarks. 
 
32 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 him. O that we knew the strength of this promise, ' whatso- 
 ever ye shall ask the Father in my name, it shall be done.' 
 
 " VVe may torment and perplex rurselves with this and the 
 other defect ; but we must come to God to be filled with his 
 love. He will strengthen us for every good word and work ; 
 for nothing is so active, so operative a love, which the apostle 
 fully proves, 1 Cor. xiii. \Ve do not expect enough from this 
 love. It is an ocean, and we must cast ourselves into it as 
 well as we can. 
 
 " 1 hope you continue to meet me at the throne of grace at 
 twelve. I leel it an animating thought, that we can unite in 
 spirit, though we are absent in body. At the Lord's table, last 
 Sunday, I had a very invigorating view of the love of God. 
 It appeared to me without bounds, and as free as the air we 
 breathe, so that my heart could only cry out ' Lord, I accept 
 it, I accept it.^ If in our most favoured moments we have 
 sometimes a sight of the love of God, which we can by no 
 means express in human language, O what amazing discove- 
 ries shall break upon our souls when ihey leave these clay ten- 
 ements ! The very anticipation of it is glorious!" 
 
 From Mrs. Hawkes to Mrs. Jones. 
 
 "I thank my dearest sister for her last letter; it did me 
 good. My aching heart feelingly echoed back your words, 
 * There is no end of his goodness ;' if there were, there would 
 be an end of our hope, for 1 am sure there is no end of the 
 daily provocations he receives at our hands, at least I can say 
 from jnine. I seem at this time to be learning deeper lessons 
 of my own utter depravity ; and to feel that sin is in every 
 breath I draw, — in every pulse that beats. I frequently can- 
 not open my lips ; but am only able to prostrate my spirit be- 
 fore God. I feel that if I ask favours, I shall abuse them; 
 and yet I cannot live without asking more and more. There- 
 fore I can only pray, if there are any in the family of Christ 
 whose case resembles mine, deal with me as thou dealest with 
 them. 1 have been greatly encouraged lately by the conside- 
 ration of the wisdom of God, and by believing that what his 
 wisdom undertakes, his love will complete. 1 see, in some 
 measure, that nothing less than infinite wisdom, power, and 
 mercy, did ever devise or accomplish the salvation of a sinner. 
 1 have had some spiritual exercise and temptations of late, 
 which I had not expected ; so little do I know of the narrow 
 path. Had I experienced these before my faith was well 
 grounded, it seems to me, I should have been overset. But ' I 
 
CHAP. II. FROM A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 33 
 
 know in whom I have believed '—and I doubt not, though the 
 combat is sharp and long, and I can only just keep my head 
 above water, by seeing someiimes one promise, and sometimes 
 another, that either in time or eternity, I shall see the needs he 
 for the trials of this part of my pilgrimage. 1 thirst for more 
 divine wisdom ; and if it must be gained'"by suffering, so let it 
 be, as far as 1 shall be able to endure. 
 
 " However, I can say this, ' If I am not willing lobe cured 
 of the disease of sin at any expense, Lord, do it against my 
 will : only uphold me during the process.' I know what it is 
 to have sharp bodily pains, and can conceive of others still 
 more severe; but all is nothing to that crucifixion of the spirit, 
 which we must pass through. That passage was brought 
 strongly to my mind this morning, « Satan hath desired to have 
 thee,^that he might sift thee as wheat, but I have prayed for 
 thee: Who can be sufficiently thankful for such an interces- 
 sor ! Through grace I am yet enabled to say, ' Rejoice not 
 agamst me, O mine enemy ;' I shall yet see thy overthrow, and 
 my victory. Through the blood of the Lamb, I shall yet be 
 more than conqueror. And though various trials and tempta- 
 tions from within and without have well nigh shaken to the 
 ground this house of clay, yet I trust I have another provided, 
 'A house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.' Let 
 your prayers, my dear sister, help to waft me thither. 1 need 
 them much. I thank you for the benefit I have already de- 
 rived from them ; I entreat yet more. I much wish to come 
 to visit you, and hope I shall soon. The time I leave to Him 
 who is my guide and comforter, as far as comfort is needful. 
 That I have not more, is owing to myself,- that I have any, is 
 owing solely to the riches of His grace." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes went soon after to visit her sister at Birming- 
 ham, which appears from the following notice in her diary. ° 
 
 Birmingham, Sept, 9, 1789. "The meeting of ministers 
 at St. Mary's. Rev. C. Simeon preached from Col. iii. 11. 
 « Christ is all, and in all!'" 
 
 'All in all to the poor— to the rich— to the afflicted— to the 
 prosperous— to the weak— to the ignorant— to the guilty.' 
 
 "His sermon animated my heart; and so did his private, 
 social prayer, and conversation. So pious, so afleciionate, so 
 desirous that I should take Christ to be my all in all; to give 
 myself as a chaste virgin to be married to Christ; to cleave 
 to him closely, as the shadow moves wherever the substance 
 moves. 
 
 " My heart responds to his entreaty. I desire that Christ 
 should be all in all." 
 
34 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Sept. 15. — " Returned to Broad Marston. Went to visit 
 my aged and e^xellcnt aunt, S.^ ' an Israelite indeed,' not out- 
 wardly only, but in the heart. She is naturally more like an 
 angel than any character I know ; but grace superadded, makes 
 her also a saint. Not in her own eyes — for she is a mirror of 
 humility, true and unfeigned. Her daughter, Mrs. Cooper, is 
 also an excellent, sincere Christian, who seems to have a good 
 portion of Mary's heart, with Martha's hands. She is a mira- 
 cle of patience and resignation. Though she is said to have 
 a confirmed cancer in^each breast, she appears quite cheerful, 
 and sings walking about the house as if nothing was the mat- 
 ter. She declares, that notwithstanding she has witnessed the 
 sufferings and death of her sister, from this disease, and has 
 no reason but to expect fo go through the same, yet she has 
 seldom an anxious hour on that occasion; for she can leave 
 the matter with God, who will either deliver or support her, 
 through whatever afflictions he lays upon her." 
 
 " Mtm. — Mrs. Cooper lived only a few years after this, and 
 then died suddenly ! How wise and how happy, to commit 
 her cares to him who cared for her. What would her anxie- 
 ties have done these few remaining years, save, perhaps, to 
 have brought on the very sufferings she had reason to fear 1 
 O how sinful to distrust God, and meet trouble before it comes; 
 thereby making it double. Yet this I am doing every day. 
 Lord, enable me to leave caring for the morrow, and trust 
 simply to thee 1" 
 
 Honeijhourne,'^ Sept. 20. — " I have this day been visiting 
 the grave of a female friend and companion of my younger 
 days, who died in the 27th year of her age. She, like myself, 
 no sooner married, than she became a child of sorrow. Her 
 constitution, seemingly very strong, was broken by affliction ; 
 and she was carried olT by a rapid consumption. Her grave 
 speaks loudly to me. May I hear and observe ; and may I, 
 like her, die in hope of a blessed resurrection." 
 
 Blr?ningha?n, Oct. 10. — " Happy to return to this favoured 
 place. Heard the Rev. Mr. Burn, from Luke xxii. 31, ' Si- 
 mon, Simon, Satan hath desired to have thee, to sift thee as 
 wheat: but I have prayed for thee, that thy Axith fiil not ! ' " 
 
 " A remarkable circumstance occurred under this very ani- 
 mated and striking sermon. A poor woman had for some 
 lime been under a violent, and almost irresistible temptation to 
 
 ' Her father's sister. - Residence of her eldest brother, Nathaniel. 
 
CHAP. II. FROM A. D. 1785 TO 1790. 35 
 
 drown herself; and declared, she had actually risen from her 
 seat no less than twenty times with a desi;^f;i to throw herself 
 into the canal. One of her neighbours seeing her this morn- 
 ing weeping biiferiy, enquired into the cause of her distress, 
 and talked wiih her, but without much etiect. While Mr. 
 Burn wa? preaching at St. Mary's church, she, by seeming 
 accident, dropped in, and was so arrested by the discourse, 
 that she returned home quite another creature. 
 
 " Such is the benefit of being in the way of duty ; and such 
 the infinite mercy of having a Saviour who says to all his 
 tempted ones, ' I have prayed for thee that thy faith fliil not! ' " 
 
 London, Sunday, Nov. 1 — "I desire to be iinfeignedly 
 thankfid for the comfort I have this day received in the, ordi- 
 nance of the Lord's Supper. May I never lose sight of the 
 engagements which I made at the altar, to give myself wholly 
 to the Lord ; and to lake him to be my righteousness, sancti- 
 fication, and redemption." 
 
 Wednesday, Dec. 2.—" My Sundays and Wednesdays are 
 my days of holiday, — days of feasting. I rejoice in their re- 
 turn ; and they afford me ten thousand times more satisfaction 
 and real pleasure than all my days of gaiety and mirth." 
 
 Friday, Jan. 1, 1790.^' Had a Visit from my revered 
 father in the Gospel, who, as he always does, gave me the 
 richest instruction; which though I cannot recolfect as to the 
 expression, is, I trust, as to the substance, engraven on my 
 heart. 
 
 ^ "'Rejoice,' he said, ' rather than despond, at the discove- 
 ries you obtain of the deceitfulness of your heart. It may be 
 painful to you, but it is safe. Christians musifi^^JtL not faint. 
 Such as get the deepest knowledge of their indwelling evils, 
 are better grounded in religion than those who only^ee the 
 surface. Observe what views David had of his sinfulness. 
 
 ' Take care of reading what is called Christian Experi- 
 ence. Very few of such books are well written, i. e. have 
 the experience simply stated ; only mark the difference between 
 the characters given us in the Bible, and the characters usually 
 drawn by man. God gives the true, simple account of the 
 character. He writes down the defects as well as the excel- 
 lences. But when man underlakes to write, he gives the best 
 side of the story : he generally dresses out the character in all 
 its excellences, and casts the "defects into the shade. Do not, 
 therefore, take your standard from human observation, but di- 
 vine. Do not take another person's conscience for the rule of 
 your own ; for there are innumerable cases wherein one can- 
 
Ob 3IEM0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 not judge for another. Study the Scriptures with prayer, and 
 a teachable spirit, and you will never greatly err.' 
 
 " Me77i. — This is a word in season ; for I have been ready 
 to think 1 ought to turn to every passing pilgrim for help ; and 
 because I felt reluctant so to do, my scrupulous conscience has 
 condemned me, as proud and fastidious. How thankful ought 
 I to be for so wise and condescending a counsellor : for 1 am 
 persuaded, that if in a multitude of counsellors there is safety, 
 in a multitude of counsellors there is also confusion." 
 
 It were to be wished that Mrs. Hawkes had always inserted 
 in her diary the particular fact, question, or difficulty, which 
 drew out those remarks of Mr. Cecil's which she so carefully 
 recorded. This would have thrown a stronger light on the 
 foregoing observations respecting Christian Biography, as well 
 as given a greater interest to the ideas themselves, as they oc- 
 cur on this and other occasions. 
 
 Wednesday — " How have I been feasted this evening by 
 hearing from Heb. xii. 7, 8. 'If ye endure chastening, God 
 dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the 
 father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, 
 whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.' 
 Let me learn not to murmur; but rather rejoice, under the re- 
 peated marks I have of sonship." 
 
 Friday — " I am greatly alarmed and distressed to hear of 
 a painful complaint under which my valuable friend and father 
 now labours. I fear I have too much anxiety lest I should 
 lose such an instructor. I ought to look to that Divine Teacher 
 who has said ' I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.' But 
 alas! my faith is small, my weakness great; and my igno- 
 rance extreme. I shall never meet with such another minister ; 
 so able, so condescending. Surely he may say with St. Paul, 
 ' We were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her 
 children.' " 
 
 Sunday. — "This is the most melancholy Sabbath I have 
 passed since my attendance at St. John's Chapel ! My inval- 
 uable teacher is too ill to preach ; and my eyes run dovvn with 
 tears. In vain 1 try to encourage myself in hope : but I can 
 pray, and that shall be my comfort." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's tender feelings on occasion of the illness of 
 her minister, (which however p^roved but temporary,) recall to 
 mind the Galatian converts, to whose zealous affection St. 
 Paul bears so remarkable a testimony, chap. iv. 14, that they 
 had received him " as an angel of God, even as Christ .Jesus." 
 And he bears them record that if it had been possible, they 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 37 
 
 would have plucked out their own eyes to have given them to 
 him. He also appeals to God as to the sincerity of his own 
 ardent affection towards those whom he had " begotten through 
 the Gospel," when he says, " For God is my record how 
 greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ :" 
 Phil. i. 8, using towards them the most endearing compella- 
 tions, " Therefore my brethren, dearly beloved, and longed 
 for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly 
 beloved." Phil. iv. 1. And for their "furtherance and joy of 
 faith," he has confidence that God would even preserve his 
 life, that their rejoicing in Christ Jesus for him might be more 
 abundant by his coming to them again. Phil. i. 25. Animated 
 and actuated by the same spirit, faithful ministers and true con- 
 verts are " of one mind, having the same love," and enjoying 
 the same everlasting consolation in Christ Jesus our Lord. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT HOLLOWAY TO HER LEAV- 
 ING THAT PLACE. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 
 
 Her attachment to Holloway — Dedicates her house to God — Visited by 
 Mr. Cecil — His conversation — Her domestic trials — Correspondence 
 with Mrs. Jones — Death of her brother Henry — Begins to insert in 
 her diary notes of Mr. Cecil's sermons — Improves her retirement by 
 solid reading — Visits Broad Marston— Birmingham— Madely — Inter- 
 view with Mrs. Fletcher—Return to Holloway- Illness of Mrs. Cecil 
 —Feelings of Mr. Cecil on the occasion— Mr. and Mrs. Hawkes 
 visit Birmingham, Dudley, Sutton, and West Broomwich, accompa- 
 nied by Mr. Cecil — Remarks of Mr. Cecil— Of the Rev. John Newton 
 — Of the Rev, W. Jesse — Return to Town— Mrs. Hawkes's memo- 
 randum on opening the year 1795 — Her long confinement by illness 
 — Her thoughts on recovery — Fast-day 1796 — Mr. Cecil's sermon — 
 His Remarks— Letters— Digression on Melancholy — Mrs. Hawkes 
 goes to Dover — Her state of anxiety there — Returns to Holloway, 
 and finds it a scene of agitation — Mrs. Jones requests for her a tempo- 
 rary asylum in Mr. Cecil's house. 
 
 It has already been hinted that Mrs. Hawkes had peculiar 
 and severe trials of a domestic nature. These weighed heavily 
 on her spirits, and led her to seek, by retirement and prayer, 
 
38 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 the strength and support she needed. Worldly company and 
 amusements had now no charms for her. It may therefore 
 be easily conceived, with what satisfaction she found, that it 
 was the intention of Mr. Hawkes to take a house at Hollo- 
 way, a spot about four miles from Town, connected with a 
 small farm. To this place she afterwards became exceedingly 
 attached; and during the few years she remained there she 
 had, notwithstanding the continuance of her usual trials, many 
 alleviations. She had frequent opportunities of enjoying the 
 society and conversation of Christian friends, who were invited 
 to her house. But especially did she derive consolation and 
 advantage, from the pastoral visits of him, whom she always 
 mentions as her revered father in the gospel, the Rev. Richard 
 Cecil. Nor was her attendance on his ministry interrupted by 
 her removal from town. She constantly drove this short dis- 
 tance to St. John's Chapel. It will be interesting to refer to 
 her own memorandums at this time, and also during her sub- 
 sequent abode at Holloway ; an interval of about seven years. 
 
 Though these extracts will furnish but little incident, they 
 strikingly mark the spirit and temper of a young convert, 
 earnestly seeking after God, delighting in his word^and ordi- 
 nances, and desiring to be fed with " hidden manna," under 
 the influences of his Spirit. 
 
 3Iarch 8, 1790.— "Drove to-day to see the farm at Hollo- 
 way. I fear I am too anxious to obtain it: but I have many 
 painful reasons for desiring to leave town, which are known 
 only to myself. If I know any thing of my own heart, my 
 first and chief object in desiring Holloway, is, to obtain re- 
 tirement, leisure, and quiet, in order to pursue the things — not 
 of sense— but of faith. My broken health— depressed spirits 
 — and many other things— make me long for solitude." 
 
 Friday, March 19, 1790.— " Slept at Hollowav for the 
 first time : and I cannot help saying, ' This same shall comfort 
 me.' Which I say with more confidence; because it is the 
 thing I have prayed for, and because I expect comfort here, 
 only from God's making it to be a comfort. I look to him to 
 bless and sanctify it to the strengthening and enriching of my 
 soul. I have hitherto lived like a soldier in the heat of the 
 battle, surrounded by confusion and dismay: now I am per- 
 mitted to retire; and trust that I shall not become a slothful, 
 but a more laborious servant in the vineyard. From this hour 
 I dedicate, as far as lies in my small power, this house to be a 
 house of prayer— a Bethel. May none resort hither but such 
 as love and call upon his name. May every day be a day of 
 
CHAP. III.— FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 39 
 
 consecration, of secret transaction and intercourse, with Him 
 vyho has so mercifully given it me ; and whatever may con- 
 tinue to be my daily trials of faith and patience, let me now 
 seek to endure them with three-fold resignation ; considering 
 how greatly my heavy, piercing, load is lightened by this re- 
 treat." 
 
 " My suffering time will soon be o'er, 
 Soon shall my soul away : 
 Then shall I sigh and sin no more, 
 But sing through endless day." 
 
 April 10. — "Favoured with a call from my revered minis- 
 ter. My heart burns within me when I hear the instruction 
 and conversation of the godly. Let me here record Mr. C.'s 
 advice and remarks. 
 
 Advice. " ' Do not read the Bible with notes only. It 
 is a loss to confine yourself to any commentator. Read it 
 with prayer, and listen simply to the best Teacher, the Holy 
 Spirit ; who will sometimes so shine upon the word, as to af- 
 ford you an insight and understandmg of the Scriptures such 
 as no commentator upon earth can give. Then you will not 
 only understand it, but lay hold of it. 
 
 ' Daily observe regular, stated times, for retirement. Let 
 reading, prayer, and meditation, have each their place: each 
 is of importance. Take a verse of Scripture at a time, ponder 
 over it ; examine it in its connexion — reference — bearing ; try 
 what you can get out of it. Where a preacher might'' draw 
 many inferences, you may perhaps be able to draw but one or 
 two ; but if you persevere, you will every day get more and 
 more from your Bible. If you should find these stated periods 
 sometimes formal and heavy— yet go on — do not be discou- 
 raged—you will, upon the whole, obtain much benefit : for 
 whoever makes a serious inquiry after religion, will always 
 meet with an answer from the gospel.' " 
 
 Ques. "Respecting wiihdrawment from the world." 
 
 Ans. 'Christian courage does not consist in a disposition to 
 retire from the world in absolute solitude; but in mixing with 
 it, and yet living above it; in being in the world, but not of 
 it; in making a bold stand for Christ; being as the salt of the 
 earth. Yet retirement, at certain seasons, should be secured. 
 We should endeavour to preserve such a spirit in society as to 
 make us relish retirement ; and so improve retirement, as to 
 make us useful to society. Our troubles arise not from our 
 living in the v/orld, but from the world living in us. One part 
 
40 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 of the world is that of inordinately coveting the praise of our 
 fellow-creatures. 
 
 « Endeavour to go into the world, as far as you are called so 
 to do, putting honour upon your Christian profession ; and if 
 any ask you a reason of the hope that is in you, tell iheai 
 meekly, "/f is the blood of sprinkling 
 
 55 5 
 
 " Mr. C. gave us an account of the death of a certain pro- 
 fessor of religion, and observed, — ' we have no right to expect 
 a triumphant death-bed, unless we have walked with God in 
 our life.'" 
 
 April 12. — " Thankful for being able to keep my mouth as 
 with a bridle under much aggravation. 1 have often occasion 
 for the bridle ; but I am not always able to use it." 
 
 "Though now the storms of sorrow roar, 
 And raise, in cares, a troubled sea : 
 Yet when I stand on yonder shore, 
 There will be calm enough for me. 
 Why then for tempests should I care, 
 Since they but drive me sooner there 1" 
 
 Dec. 31, 1790. — " Many have been the mercies of this year, 
 spiritual and temporal. Above all, the use of the blessed ordi- 
 nances is my great mercy. Query. — Does my improvement 
 keep pace with my advantages ? Does my soul grow in grace? 
 Do I endeaver to conduct myself in a very trying situation 
 with that wisdom and meekness, humility and patience in which 
 I am so clearly instructed? Have I the charity which endur- 
 eth all things? Am I a doer of the word as well as a hearer? 
 Do I bring home the truths I hear so faithfully preached, and 
 turn them into practice — or are they only as a pleasant song? 
 pleasant to the ear and even to the understanding: but taking 
 no root in the heart. Alas ! I might fill sheets of paper w^ith 
 heads of self-examination, to which I can only answer, 'Cleanse 
 thou me from my secret faults.' I have wept and prayed 
 for this retreat, where I might, in some measure be screened 
 from many painful and agitating occurrences to which I am 
 liable in town ; and where I might withdraw from such society 
 as know not God, and be more able to cultivate a life of faith. 
 All these things have been wonderfully granted me. ' Bless 
 the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.' O send 
 forth thy Holy Spirit to teach me to profit ; or all these advan- 
 tages will afford me nothinii-." 
 
 Jan. 9, 1791. — " My heart is sick to hear of the wander- 
 ings of one who has for many years stood high in the estima- 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 41 
 
 tion of the Christian world. Alas ! alas ! this is what I have 
 feared, lest /should begin to run, but not hold out to the end. 
 It is ' He that endureth to the end that shall be saved.' ' Hold 
 thou me up, that my feetsteps slip not !' " 
 
 Jan. 10. — "A sharp trial this evening. ' O that I had wings 
 like a dove ! for then would I fly away and be at rest.' What 
 though my troubles are like an overwhelming tide, yet my 
 privileges are very great. The special favour of hearing the 
 gospel, so purely and richly preached, should reconcile me to 
 all my trials. And truly if it were not for the comforts God 
 is pleased to bestow, I should soon be in wretched despair, for 
 as to this world, every prospect of happiness is struck at the 
 very root. 
 
 "The banks are needed when the billows roar." 
 
 Under the pressure of increased trials Mrs. Hawkes wrote 
 the following letter to her sister Mrs. Jones. 
 
 " I am sorry to find my dear sister like myself, infested with 
 many anxieties, though of a different nature. Mine have been 
 very heavy indeed of late. For sometime past, I have not 
 been enabled, (in the degree i have been graciously assisted 
 heretofore,) to roll back my burthen on the Lord. But he saw 
 me ready to fliint, and mercifully vouchsafed me timely help. 
 Let none fear trouble with such a compassionate Saviour for a 
 sustainer : for verily he is not an High-Priest that cannot be 
 touched with the feeling of our infirmities ; but who hath a con- 
 descending and tender sympathy with us under them ; which he 
 will manifest in the time, and manner, and measure, which His 
 infinite wisdom sees best. As for me, I am quite ashamed of 
 myself; truly it may be said, ' if thou faint in the day of ad- 
 versity, thy strength is small.' Small, indeed, is my strength, 
 or rather, feeble is the hold which faith takes of an Almighty 
 arm. I am willing to allow, (for who is not willing to make 
 self-excuses,) that my trials are peculiar, and my present bodily 
 weakness and languor does much towards enfeeblincr the mind 
 also ; yet I have still much to be ashamed of. Our great bu- 
 siness in life is to glorify God, and to speak abroad his praise ; 
 — and the fittest time to do this is under suffering. It is easy 
 enough to sing when the sun shines : but when the heart and 
 flesh fail, then to rejoice in the Lord, becomes the true servants 
 of so good a Master. In the grave the tongue is silent. It 
 can no more publish to fellow-sinners, and fellow-sufferers, that 
 ' The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble ;' and 
 4* 
 
42 MEMOIRS OF MES. HAWKES. 
 
 that his tender mercies are more in number than the sand of 
 the sea. It is therefore the living only that can praise him ; 
 and of all living, the affiicted believer, whose every trouble is 
 sanctified, has reason to be loudest in the song." 
 In reply to her sister, Mrs. Jones writes : 
 
 " It is a mighty conflict ; and if you had not an Almighty 
 Friend to hold you up, your heart and flesh would fail. But 
 he will strengthen your heart, and enable you to fight manfully. 
 He has brought you into ihese trials that you may raise an Eb- 
 enezer to his name, and bear testimony to the truth, and write 
 tried under the promise, 'As thy day is, so shall thy strength 
 be.' God will prove his beloved ones, that they may be con- 
 strained to prove him. A good man used to say, that the same 
 Almighty power v/hich made the world, was also granted to 
 the Christian. You have an anchor that will hold you fast. 
 It is sufficient at such times as these, to endure, as seeing him 
 that is invisible. By and by, you will reap the pleasant and 
 peaceable fruits of these afliicting seasons and exercises. AVhat 
 a happy day will that be when this mortal shall put on immor- 
 tality I but we should be willing to fight before we are crowned ; 
 and the Apostle says we do not fight ' vncertainly.'' Even the 
 most unpleasant vacuities in life have their uses; we must be 
 made to feel what we are — poor fallen creatures — that we may 
 be thankful for that grace which transformeth us into a better 
 image. The knowledge of our weakness must ever be attend- 
 ed with painful sensations ; and I apprehend that we shall ever 
 be increasing in that knowledge as long as we are in the body. 
 But the more we feel our disease, the more shall we prize and 
 apply our remedy. May you, with the strong arm of taith, 
 be able to lay hold of the Saviour, till he perfect his strength 
 in your weakness. I endeavour to bear you before him, and to 
 entreat his mercy. I would not prescribe to him who loves 
 you in connexion with your eternal interests. It is indeed dif- 
 ficult to believe that all this is for the best : but we cannot read 
 God's dispensations aright ; they are too high for mortals to 
 spell them out. Faith and resignation arc written in the most 
 legible characters : may we consider them well ; and may Je- 
 sus Christ work them in us." 
 
 Thus did He, " who giveth songs in the night," enable these 
 two sisters to cheer and animate each other ; by mentioning 
 " the loving kindness of the Lord, and the praises of the Lord." 
 And thus did ihey begin that song which now, in the paradise 
 of God, they sing with louder and sweeter notes, to him who 
 
CHAP. III. — FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1790. 43 
 
 loved them and washed ihcm from their sins in his own blood. 
 
 The next memorandum in Mrs. Hawkes's diary, illustrates 
 a peculiar feature in her natural character, namely, a tendency 
 to pensive depression, — which could not but mingle itself with 
 her religious feelings, and throw a sombre complexion over 
 many parts of her early Christian experience. A highly sen- 
 sitive and reflective mind, meeting with trials of a peculiarly 
 depressing nature, would, without great self-control, be liable 
 to indulge melancholy : or as the poet expresses it, to " nour- 
 ish woe." 
 
 Tuesday. — " Every time I leave the noisy town and return 
 to this delightful solitude, my heart overflows with thankfulness 
 for such an asylum. Here 1 have much quietness. I desire 
 to be thankful that I have no children : on many accounts 
 they would be the occasions of great sorrow. I have nothing 
 now that ties me to the world. My only source of comfort 
 arises from the prospect of soon leaving it for ever ; and my 
 chief object till that happy time arrives, shall be to make pre- 
 paration for it. ' In my Father's house are many mansions."' 
 
 '' Weary woild of sin and anguish, 
 How I long from thee to fly ; 
 Fainting for relief I languish, 
 Dying through desire to die. 
 O my life, my only treasure, 
 Let me cast it all iDehind ; 
 Now fill up my mournful measure, 
 Now my heavenly Canaan find. 
 
 Never shipwrecked'd mariner wanted, 
 
 More to reach the distant shore; 
 
 Never wand'ring exile panted 
 
 For his native country more. 
 
 Hear my earnest application, Wb 
 
 Thou who only canst release ; 
 
 Shew me now thy full salvation, 
 
 Let me now depart in peace !" 
 
 Wednesday. — " How suddenly the darkest cloud overspreads 
 the brightest sky ! This has been a calm and clear day ; but 
 my evening is dark and dismal. An old disturbance has 
 thrown my whole frame into the utmost agitation ; I was glad to 
 escape to the house of God : but even there my affVighfed mind 
 could not be calmed. For the first time, 1 ventured to say 
 something of my trials to my minister, who is appointed as a 
 shepherd to watch over, direct, and instruct his flock. I per- 
 ceive he has an aversion to hear of any family matters, and 
 
44 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 discourages all sorts of complainings. His advice was, ' watch 
 over your own spirit and temper. Remember you are a 
 Christian, and have therefore high claims upon you.'" 
 
 <'May the lessons of this day be as lasting as they are pain- 
 ful, and as salutary as they are wounding. Many peculiari- 
 ties in my situation and case, are there, which are only known 
 to God, and my own bleeding heart. No wonder, therefore, 
 if reproof has in it some mistake. Nevertheless I am, I trust, 
 unfeignedly thankful for the inestimable blessing of having a 
 minister who will not ' daub with untempered mortar;' but 
 will use the probe where he thinks he sees occasion. It is my 
 shame to shrink under such a fatherly hand. But it is my 
 feelings only ; for my judgment rejoices in that precious oil, 
 which shall never bruise, but cheer my head." 
 
 August, 1791, Sunday. — " My mind is under great anxiety 
 for my honoured minister, who is again confined by illness. 
 Oh what a desert land would this be if deprived of such a shep- 
 herd ! ' Cast thy burden on the Lord and he shall sustain 
 thee.'" 
 
 Sept. 1791. — "I have this morning been weeping with 
 dear Mrs. C. over the sad news she has just received from her 
 invaluable husband who is at Bath. Alas, her loss must be 
 irreparable; and as to the church ! Tears are literally my 
 meat and drink." 
 
 Friday, Oct. 28, 1791. — "Set out for Broad Marston to 
 see my dying brother, Henry : but was too late, except to see 
 him in his cotFin ! For my dear brother, as far as respected 
 himself, there was no cause to grieve. The last three years 
 of his life he had been wasting under a fatal disease; but he 
 was ready for his removal. He was an ornament to religion 
 — a light shining in a dark place. 
 
 " A fi^fend asked him in his dying moments, if the prospect 
 of glory opened to him. — To which he replied with much ani- 
 mation — « It opens ! it opens!' and after a little time, spent 
 seemingly in silent prayer, he died like one falling asleep. Oh, 
 that I may die the death of the righteous ! and may I live the 
 life of the righteous also. 
 
 " And now both my honoured parents are ' inheriting the 
 promises,' and, I trust, also seven brothers and sisters. Oh 
 that each one left behind may be as safely landed ! Thanks 
 be to God for his unspeakable mercy in having at length, after 
 much obstinacy, made me hear, (I trust so as to obey,) his 
 long neglected call of mercy. A few more waves of trouble, 
 and I shall, I hope, join my blessed relatives to sorrow and 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 45 
 
 sitrh no more. Hasten, Lord, that happy day ! and till it 
 shall arrive, O ' guide me vviih thine eye.' Suffer me no more 
 to go after ' lying vanities ;' but keep me in the midway of the 
 paths of righteousness, which are pleasantness and peace." 
 
 Tuesday. — " Reached Birmingham this day, found my dear 
 sisier a spectacle of woe, having passed many weeks of severe 
 suffering for her son Charles. His visitation was attended with 
 some peculiarly distressing aggravations. Though young, 
 being only ten years of age, the enemy seemed permitted to 
 harass him in a way very wonderful. But a little before his 
 death, he became composed and happy. His mother asked, 
 what made him happy? Pie answered, ' Because I love God, 
 and can pray.' " 
 
 ]\[ov. 7.—'' Returned to London. My heart is made glad 
 by seeing again my honoured minister after his return from 
 Bath. the^Lord is indeed a hearer of prayer ; and has added 
 1 trust, many years to his valuable life for the sake of his 
 church and family ; and for the glory of his own name. Let 
 me more than ever take heed how I hear, and treasure up his 
 valuable instructions. 
 
 ' Shun,' said he, ' matters of controversy, and points of doc- 
 trine, too high for young converts, who should be fed with the 
 sincere milk of the word, and not with strong meat. 
 
 *Many professors, instead of conversing upon vital and ex- 
 perimental religion, are ever disputing about doctrines. Such 
 are like persons that are sick, and having no appetite for solid 
 food, amuse themselves with turning over the bones. 
 
 ' Some hearers of the gospel like to have nothing said but 
 what is encouraging and comforting. Such resemble persons 
 in weak health who would be always taking cordials, which 
 though they may for a time raise the spirits, yet secre% under- 
 mine" the strength. A Christian should not only regard the 
 Scripture promises but the Scripture threatenings, warnings, 
 and reproofs. The whole of Scripture is Scripture ; not a part. 
 'Manvare ready to allegorize the Scriptures without any 
 due consideration of the analogy of faith, or the proportion of 
 things compared one with another, or any regard to the genuine 
 sense of the words : — this is to corrupt the word of God.' 
 
 "Mr. C. speaking of women, made a distinction between 
 what might be called literary women, and reading women. 
 » All women,' he said, ' should be readers, as far as their sta- 
 tions and circumstances would admit. They should be so for 
 their own sakes — for the sake of their families— and for the 
 sake of society. But what might be termed a literary woman, 
 
46 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 i. e. a learned woman, should^ and generally did, continue 
 unmarred ; for their public character was apt to make them 
 unfit for private and domestic cares. The excellence and 
 honour of a wife, he remarked, was to be " a keeper at home," 
 as saith St. Peter. Not pressing into public, — but abiding 
 quietly in her station and calling ; contented to be unknown, 
 unnoticed, except for family virtues.' " See Prov. xxxi. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's habit of treasuring up instruction, whether 
 addressed to herself or others, will further appear by the fol- 
 lowing notice in her diary : 
 
 Nov. 15, 1791. — " Took leave of Miss A., who is going to 
 Paris to study the French language. Mr. C.'s advice to her 
 was, ' As you are entering upon a new scene, and will have 
 many snares and dangers to meet, endeavour to obtain a feel- 
 ing of the importance of your conduct in every step you take. 
 Do not think little of small deviations, in order to make your- 
 self agreeable and well-received. 
 
 'A professor of religion should take especial care in his in- 
 tercourse with the world, to avoid what may be termed small 
 indiscretions of conduct. The world is ever on the watch for 
 something upon which to fasten either a scandalous or a foolish 
 story. 
 
 ' As you will not be able to have the privilege of the ordi- 
 nances as you have here, endeavour to make up the loss by 
 observing in private, on the Sabbath, your usual time of public 
 worship ; and read what is appointed for the church. God can 
 make the want of ordinances the best ordinance. You will 
 feel satisfaction in meeting your old friends in spirit and em- 
 ployment, while you are absent in body. Above all, keep 
 close to your Bible and prayer. Seek God's blessing on all 
 you do.. ^ This will be the way to obtain your object even in 
 temporal things. If it were my duty to study mathematics, 1 
 should pray for God's help as much as if I were going to 
 preach. We should accustom ourselves to connect God with 
 every thing. Our own wisdom and strength will avail us 
 nothing: but when we can go, with a child-like simplicity and 
 dependence, with all our concerns to God, we shall know what 
 it is to be at peace. Vast prospects lie before the man that 
 has God for his friend. There is a sanctuary in the very or- 
 der of providence, when we arc enabled to leave every thing 
 to that order. '^ 
 
 • The young lady to whom Mr. C. gave this advice, went to France a 
 year before the Revolution ; and was detained a prisoner there for four 
 j'ears. 
 
CHAP. III. FROJI A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 47 
 
 3Iem. — "Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth 
 the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel." 
 
 The following extracts describe one of those painful inter- 
 vals in the Christian's experience, which may be compared to 
 the Winter season; when nothing seems to grow; but rather 
 to decline and wither. Such seasons may, however, be turned 
 to important use, if employed in breaking up the fallow ground ; 
 and in preparing the soil for those precious seeds which are to 
 be nourished by the returning Spring. Nor will the wintry 
 storm be without its use, in strengthening the roots, and de- 
 stroying the insects which might otherwise do mischief. 
 
 Dec. 1791. — " I am fallen into a comfortless stale, let me 
 examine why it is thus. 
 
 " From a desire not to be thought a gloomy, sour Christian, 
 am equally careful to avoid the opposite extreme? — or have I 
 not fallen into a degree of levity, and joined too much in ' fool- 
 ish talking and jesting ? ' 
 
 " Am 1 not become less watchful against what goes by the 
 name of little things, forgetting that he who doth so, ' shall 
 fall by little and little.' Eccles, xix. 1. 
 
 "Am I as covetous of my time as formerly for good thini^s, 
 or do 1 not suffer lesser matters to intrude 1 And because tliey 
 are lawful concerns, neglect to enquire if they might not be 
 done at another hour, or in less space, or with less solicitude? 
 
 "Do I secure as much time as usual for morning devotion 
 and reading? especially on the Sabbath, before public worship? 
 Or, do 1 get negligent, and plead weak health as an excuse for 
 self-indulgence? 
 
 " Do I take care to ponder in my heart the blessed truths I 
 hear and read? mixing faith therewith ? 
 
 " Many more questions might be asked. But I cannot an- 
 swer even these, except as the publican, ' God be merciful to 
 me a sinner.' 
 
 "A scrupulous conscience certainly is not desirable, nor 
 does God require us to serve him with a slavish fear. But as 
 the depravity of nature is ever prone to err on one hand or the 
 other, so, happy is that Christian who, when he gets rid of 
 what may be justly termed scrupulosity, does not venture too 
 boldly upon the ground of liberty, and become a little dim- 
 sighted to small deviations. ' Serve the Lord with fear, and 
 rejoice with trembling.' " 
 
 Sunday. — " What a distracted mind ! But, ' why art thou 
 not cast down, O my soul,' since thy salvation rests not on thy 
 performances, but on him ' who made by his own oblation of 
 
48 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 himself, once offered, a full, perfect, and sufficient sacrifice and 
 satisfaction' for all thy sins and defects. Nevertheless, a wan- 
 dering mind occasions great loss of advantage and comfort; 
 and while I would not be cast down, yet I would mourn over it. 
 
 " Let me be thankful that Christ's intercession is without 
 distraction or interruption. It does infinitely please and pre- 
 vail with the Father, when we can hardly speak a word for 
 ourselves." 
 
 Wednesday. — " Much instructed and comforted to-day by 
 a letter received from my dear sister. It is some consolation 
 to find that others have had the same trials with ourselves." 
 
 The correspondence between Mrs. Hawkes and her sister il- 
 lustrates the advantage which Christians derive from mutual 
 communication on the subject of their spiritual trials, and en- 
 couraging experiences of support under them : a practice which 
 is abundantly exemplified in the New Testament records of the 
 first Christians : but especially in the epistles and correspond- 
 ence which have come down to us from the reformers and 
 martyrs of the English church in the sixteenth century. 
 
 The following letter appears to be that to which Mrs. H. 
 has just referred, in which Mrs. Jones writes : — 
 
 " I do not know a more unpleasant part of a Christian's 
 voyage, than a kind of dead calm in which he appears to make 
 no advance; when the storm runs high and the waters rage 
 and swell, it is more tremendous, but then the soul is in exer- 
 tion, labouring for the port; and the joyful expectation inspires 
 courage to row against wind and tide. But we have commit- 
 ted ourselves to the Lord, and as a king will he reign over his 
 people; ' for a good man's steps are ordered by the Lord,' 
 both in the spiritual and natural life. 
 
 " There is much in us which is not in subjection ; we are 
 frequently for taking the reins of government out of his hands, 
 and choosing for ourselves : but the Lord will subdue all unto 
 himself. We are a long time in learning this one short lesson, 
 ' without me ye can do nothing.' Nor is it possible to under- 
 stand it, save by the experience of total helplessness. But to 
 doubt of God's help at these times, comes from that enemy 
 who is ever employed in attempting to counteract the designs 
 of our gracioif^s King towards us. 
 
 " What Mr. C. said of a scrupulous conscience, is highly 
 just. 1 never knew any one that was really in earnest, who 
 had not been much afflicted by this old, tried temptation of 
 the enemy. And as he finds it succeed so well, no wonder 
 he continues to practise it. But as that great man wisely 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 to 1796. 49 
 
 observes, ' Here you must feel your way out.' But be com- 
 forted with this consideration, that light is at hand. We 
 must first pass through this dark valley : but notice particu- 
 larly how Pilgrim passed through it. I well remember when 
 travelling this part of the road myself, how my very heart 
 used to ache with the conflicts I had to sustain. Day and 
 night did the enemy follow me with his scourges. When eat- 
 ing, it was either too much, or the wrong sort, or it was not 
 with proper gratitude. If I spoke, it was through pride, to 
 seek praise; or it was idle talk, and wasting time; indeed 
 there was not an action in which the enemy did not follow me, 
 and give me a buffet at every step. If it were not for the con- 
 solation which Gqjfi gives us to taste of at such times, the spirit 
 would fail : but ' count it all joy : ' these afflictions work ex- 
 perience. 
 
 " I believe what Mr. C. says is quite right. Too many, 
 from a manifestation of joy, such as you have had, suppose 
 themselves in a high state of favour; and afterwards they are 
 brought very low to humble them. But the dealings of God 
 with his people are various. Some receive the blessed witness 
 earlier, and some later. Some see more of the depravity of 
 their fallen nature before that time, and some afterwards. 
 Therefore we should expect and pray to be led as God sees fit; 
 and not prescribe anything. ' One day is with the Lord as a 
 thousand years.' Manifestations of joy are given us as re- 
 freshments to help us on our way ; but are not to be trusted in. 
 We are still weak, and must expect to feel so the next time 
 we are assaulted with that powerful enemy, who fights with us 
 through the instrumentality of the unbelieving world — the re- 
 ligious world — our friends and our enemies — our appetites — 
 our business — our lawful cares — and our natural propensities. 
 One way or other, he will strive to hinder our running the 
 race. But faith is our shield : we are saved in all these by 
 the vigorous exercises of faith. If/ should be a means of 
 hurling your mind at any time, the best way to disappoint the 
 enemy in his machinations is to tell it me directly. I do ex- 
 pect he will try to avail himself of me: therefore be prepared: 
 
 'For truest friends, through error, wound our peace.'" 
 
 From Mrs. Haavkes to Mrs. Jones. 
 
 ♦' I heartily thank my dearest sister lor her most welcome 
 letter. Human friendship is an uncertain good, and a hack- 
 neyed theme : but I was deJLighted to-day in the consideration 
 
50 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 that yours and mine was now cenaen(ed by divine love,' bui'U 
 upon a foundation that cannot be moved. Your letters are an 
 unspeakable cordial and help to my drooping spirits. To 
 know I am under such a Divine leader ought to reconcile me' 
 to my journey however painful or dreary. Yet I am ever 
 ready to faint by reason of the way. I believe that when poor 
 Christian was getting up the Hill Difficulty, he was at one 
 time so hard put to it, as to be obliged to scramble upon his 
 hands and knees. I have of late seemed reduced to the same 
 expedient, for my burdens are so various and so heavy, I can 
 neither walk nor run, but toil, and pant, and creep forward. 
 Thanks be to God, however, my aim through, and under all, 
 is, upwards — to get on, if by any means. And sometimes he 
 condescends to grant me a gracious revival by the way, v/here- 
 by I gain breath a little, and fresh determination to press on; 
 taking for my encouragement, that it is no nev/ thing, because 
 our Lord foretold us, that in the world we should have tribu- 
 lation, but that in him we should have peace. Lord., in mercy 
 grant me that peace ! Prayer, as you say, is my only re- 
 source ; w^ith faith, hope, and patience : waiting till the vision 
 shall speak. Indeed, when I am enabled to pray, 1 get on : 
 but I have been lately subject to so much bodily languor and 
 weariness, with agitated nerves, that my mind seems capable 
 of little more than breathings. 
 
 " I have been comforted by that very expression in the La- 
 mentations, ' Hide not thine ear from my breathing.' The 
 Spirit helpeth our infirmities, and, as Owen says, ' Intercedes 
 within, while a mighty advocate is interceding without, at the 
 right hand of the Father. With such helps, and such promises, 
 how weak is that faith which sinks ! and yet my spirit did 
 sink under the apprehension of fresh disturbances and agitation 
 lately." " The waves rose very rapidly : but 1 endeavoured 
 to recollect my lesson, and look at the Master of the storm, 
 and at his will in the affair; and the storm in some measure 
 abated. Pray for me, that I may be enabled to say, 'Thy will 
 be done.' He knows how feeble and how frail I am ; that ' I 
 am become like a bottle in the smoke; ' and he will not crush 
 but deliver. 
 
 " I am endeavouring to improve occasions. A thousand 
 occurrences arise, as my days and hours pass on, which give 
 mean opportunity of getting some slight view of my own heart; 
 as little crevices in a shutter or door admit a ray of light, by 
 which if one cannot discover all that a dark room contains, 
 one may see some few objects. Oh, self! self! thou tormen- 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 51 
 
 tor of my peace ! Well, I hope not to be mourning over the 
 ruins, but looking to the recovei'y. I can say with truth, my 
 heart smites me, and I am filled with shame when I consider 
 how little I render to the Lord for all his benefits; and how 
 much unbelief, foreboding fears, and inward depravity, pride, 
 impatience, and self-will yet remain. However, the process 
 of the refiner, is, I trust, still going on ; and my earnest prayer 
 is, that like Job, when I am tried, I may come forth as gold. 
 Every stroke I more than deserve ; but every favour, every 
 mercy, is the purchase of an adorable Saviour, freely bestowed, 
 for his own name's sake. Pray for me that I may ever thus 
 think and feel ; for I can do so no longer than enabled by grace." 
 
 From this period Mrs. Hawkes wrote down in her diary 
 those parts of Mr. Cecil's sermons which she felt most useful 
 to her. As the entire working of her mind will be seen in her 
 manner of improving divine ordinances, and in those records 
 of sermons with which her own heart went along, occasional 
 extracts from these fragments may interest the reader. 
 
 Jan. 1, 1792. Sunday, — "Heard Mr. C. from Psalm xxvii. 
 4. ' One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek af- 
 ter ; that I may dweil in the house of the Lord all the days of 
 my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in 
 his temple.' 
 
 'The Psalmist gives his reasons why he desires this "one 
 thing." First, to behold the beauty of the Lord ; not anyone 
 particular attribute, but the whole. As beauty consists in an 
 assemblage of parts, blending and harmonizing together, so 
 the beauty of the Lord shines forth most fully in the plan of 
 redemption, where ' Righteousness and peace have kissed each 
 other;' where God, by his manifold wisdom in Christ, can be 
 just, and yet the justifier of the ungodly. 
 
 ♦The Psalmist also desires to dwell in the temple of the 
 Lord, to enquire the Divine mind and will. He knows it is 
 there that God reveals himself; it is there he bestows his bless- 
 ing and favour : therefore, in another place he says, " My soul 
 longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, to see thy power 
 and glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctiiary." He also 
 desires it because it is a place of refuge; " For in the time of 
 trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion, in the secret of his 
 tabernacle shall he hide me." He does not say he shall have 
 no enemies; but, ^^ now shall mine head be lifted up above 
 mine enemies." David had a fourth reason for this earnest 
 wish, namely, that he might offer the sacrifices of prayer and 
 praise. " Therefore will 1 offer in thy tabernacle sacrifices of 
 
 joy." 
 
52 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKE3. 
 
 She then adds a prayer, which will be found her usual prac- 
 tice in recording sermons. 
 
 " Grant, O Lord, that the rich instructions I have heard this 
 day, may never be forgotten. Let thy preached gospel be as 
 seed sown on good ground, which shall brino; forth fruit an 
 hundred fold. Let thy blessing be upon me, in all my temporal 
 and spiritual concerns, through every day of this new year. 
 Wash away all my transgressions through the year that is 
 past. Enable me to say to whatever would impede my spir- 
 itual progress, ' Hinder me not.' 
 
 "Oh that I may, like the man after God's own heart, pur- 
 sue only this ' one thing,' to dwell in the house of the Lord all 
 the days of my life. 
 
 " One wish, with holy transport warm, 
 My heart hath formed, and yet shall form ; 
 
 One gift I ask ; — that to my end, 
 Fair Zion's courts I may attend. 
 
 There joyful find a sure abode. 
 
 And view the beauty of my God." 
 
 Monday^ Jan. 2. — "May 1 bear in mind the confessions 
 and sorrows that closed the year 1791 ! And may this year, 
 entered upon with many tears and prayers, see better fruit 
 than the last. 
 
 " As I have gained some painful knowledge of my own de- 
 fects, so J trust 1 have obtained some comfortable knowledge 
 of the gracious character of my Saviour ; ' whom not having 
 seen,' 1 love in some small measure : and desire above all things 
 to knov/ and love him more. But let me remember, herein 
 is the test of love : 'If ye love me keep my commandments.' 
 
 " How happy would my days be if I could say, ' As for me 
 and my house, we will serve the Lord ;' — Yet here is my comfort, 
 » Although my house be not so with God ; yet he hath made with 
 me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things andsure.' " 
 
 Jan. 10. — "Very ill to-day. If I am not self-deceived, I 
 have a longing to depart and to be with Christ. Why should 
 I wish to stay in this cold desert wilderness? This is not my 
 rest : surely then death should be welcome to me, as a friend 
 that is about to conduct me home. Ah, how many, many, 
 sorrows have I here ! But I desire to be resigned to whatever 
 my Saviour appoints. I am not my own, but His. His by 
 creation — His by redemption — His by adoption — His by a 
 cheerful surrender of my vile self to Him. And shall I pre- 
 sume to choose for myself, — cither health or sickness, ease or 
 
CHAP. III. — FR03I A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 53 
 
 sorrow, life or death ] I abhor myself that though I say a thou- 
 sand times over and over, — O my Saviour! I would not, if I 
 could, choose for myself; — yet in practice, I am continually 
 doing so. How much more is my judgment enlightened, than 
 my will subdued. I wonder if I shall always have lo lament 
 this? Thanks for the promise, ' Sin shall not have dominion 
 over you.' " 
 
 Wednesday, Feb. 16, 1792. — " In returning home from 
 Long-Acre Chapel this evening, among other things, my re- 
 vered minister, with much solemnity said, — ' Whatever your 
 path in this world may be, whether smooth or thorny, I trust 
 you will never be suffered to depart from God, or be unstable 
 in your profession. Anything but that. May /never become 
 a witness against you in the day of judgment. Aiiy thing but 
 that I ' 
 
 " And now, O Lord, in my secret chamber, my prayer unto 
 thee is indeed, ' Amj thing but that.'' O let me suffer pover- 
 ty, affliction, and a thousand deaths, rather than forsake my 
 God — rather than turn again to the lying vanities of this world. 
 My eyes run down with tears lest my deceitful heart should 
 again be entangled in the love of sin. What an awful idea; 
 that my faithful minister should ever appear as a witness 
 against me at the bar of God! O Lord, preserve and keep me 
 in the right way : lead me, and teach me in the way of thy 
 commandments. Shall I ever be plucked out of thy gracious 
 hands? Hast thou not said of thy sheep, that they shall not? 
 O let me not turn to broken cisterns, since thou hast given me 
 to taste of the living water." 
 
 Thursday. — " Never can it be told what is contained in 
 these gracious words, ' And when he putteth forth his own 
 sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him, for they 
 know his voice.' 
 
 "And again, ' I give unto them eternal life, and they shall 
 never perish, neither shall any pluck them out of my hand. 
 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all ; and no 
 man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.' 
 
 " Here is a solid rock ! My sins try hard to pluck me out ; 
 my ever-wakeful enemy tries hard to pluck me out : but, O 
 Lord, remember thy word unto thy handmaid whereon ihou 
 hast caused her to trust, 'None shall pluck them out of mv 
 hand.'" 
 
 Friday. — " How am I terrified at the departure of from 
 
 God! O Lord, give him not up to judicial blindness. Alas! 
 alas ! Should such a case ever be mine ! What if I too should 
 5* 
 
^4 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 turn to broken cisterns : should again follow lyinfr vanities, 
 and ' forsake my own mercies !' And what should hmder me ? 
 Nothing but the grace of God. ' Hold thou me up, and I shall 
 be safe:' O take away my life, rather than suffer me ever to 
 grieve or quench thy Holy Spirit. 
 
 " This case teaches many awful lessons. May I review 
 them often as I go on in my pilgrimao-e. 
 
 " First, I would say respecting the mystery of the subject, 
 ' Keep me, O Lord, from uttering things that 1 understand not ; 
 things too wonderful for me, that I know not. Behold I am 
 vile, 1 will lay my hand upon my mouth. Shall not the judge 
 of all the earth do right.' 
 
 " Secondly, I would hear the apostle say, ' Let him that 
 thinketh he standelh, take heed lest he fall.' And ' See that 
 ye walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the 
 time.' 'Let us therefore fear lest a promise being left us of 
 entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short 
 of it.' " 
 
 Wednesday.— '^ Whither should mourners go for consola- 
 tion, but to the sanctuary? ' My soul meltethYor heaviness, 
 strengthen thou me, according to t'hy word.' My soul is pierced 
 through with many sorrows, and this has been a day of se- 
 vere outward conflict. Had I looked to the strong for strength, 
 and kept my mouth as with a bridle, and acquitted myself like 
 a good soldier of Jesus Christ,— it would have been only ow^ 
 ward ; but failing in this point, the enemy has gained great ad- 
 vantage over me; and my mind and frame is thrown into a 
 ferment, not soon to be allayed. It has long been my earnest 
 desire, to fill up my several relations in life, especially o/ze, as 
 unto the Lord. I have been anxious that I might never dis- 
 honour my Christian profession. 1 have been anxious to ob- 
 tain domestic happiness, which I have thought m.y disposition 
 and heart formed for. I find, however, from repeated disap- 
 pointments, that I must live by faith. I must look, not at the 
 sword, but at the hand that holds it. I must say, this and that 
 severe stroke is not from man ; but from my heavenly Father, 
 who ' scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.' (Heb. xii. 6.) 
 1 am well persuaded that a Christian ought to evidence to all 
 around, that he has the love that ' beareth all things ; is not 
 easily provoked ;' or what difference is there, before man, be- 
 tween him and a tinkling cymbal ? And where is the glory 
 that he should render to God? And what sign is there of grati- 
 tude for the saving love of Christ ? And what conformity to 
 his suffering master ? ' What do ye more than others ?' I will 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 55 
 
 therefore, instead of saying, ' It is impossible,' pray for that 
 grace that can enable me to do all things ; — things contrary, 
 and hard to flesh and blood. I may, and I fear Tshall fail to 
 please man : but my Saviour is not an hard master ; if 1 la- 
 bour to please Him, 1 shall not fail ; his favour will bear me 
 up under my disappointments, and strengthen me to endure. 
 
 " 'Tis good for me to wear the yoke, 
 For pride is apt to rise and swell ; 
 'Tis good to bear my Father's stroke, 
 That I might learn his statutes well." 
 
 Wednesday. — " Prevented this evenino; from going as usual 
 to Long-Acre Chapel, — by which I learn a sad lesson of my 
 remaining unsubdued, unhumbled spirit. 1 am quarrelling with 
 causes, but I should be observant ot^ effects. The effect of this 
 disappointment might have been good, and have taught me 
 many useful lessons. But my rebellious will, and self-choos- 
 ing, turned it into evil, and sorrow; instead of the sacrifice of 
 a contrite and submissive spirit, it was the sacrifice of a tem- 
 per. Thus even a love of the ordinances themselves may step 
 out of its place, and be adulterated by self-will, and self-pleas- 
 ing. Whatever brings the heart into subjection to the Divine 
 will, is the best ordinance. I therefore trust that this detection 
 of a wrong principle, will make my being kept at home not all 
 loss. What a mercy I can go so frequently ; and what a 
 greater mercy to have a taste and relish for the Gospel. How- 
 many mercies now crowd in upon my, I hope, humble spirit; 
 and how much cause for shame and confusion of face that they 
 have not been more improved. Visit me not, O Lord, as my 
 sins deserve, by taking my privileges away ; but let me ever 
 have access to thy sanctuary. Keep my mercies for me, for 
 they are only safe in thy hands. 
 
 Thursday. — "A marvellous escape from great danger to- 
 day. In driving alone to town, the coachman was, by a sud- 
 den jolt, thrown out of his seat. The horses took fright, and 
 galloped at an amazing rate for some distance, but were provi- 
 dentially stopped just as they were turning near a bank. ' Bless 
 the Lord, O my soul, who redeemeth fhv life from destruc- 
 tion.'" 
 
 From the following letter it appears probable, that Mrs. 
 Hawkes had written to Mrs. Jones, expressing the difficulty 
 which she felt in obeying that Scripture command, ' Love your 
 enemies.' A command with which none ever did comply, who 
 had not felt what it was to experience the Divine forgiveness, 
 
56 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 and obtained that ' precious faith,' whereby we are made ' par- 
 takers of the Divine nature.' Mrs. Jones writes: — 
 
 " It is indeed painful to have our judgment and practice at 
 variance. It is said 'Love your enemies.' Alas! I cannot 
 love my friends as I ought to do, especially when they use me 
 unkindly, an instance of which has just occurred. All these 
 failures arise from the want of more love. We must have 
 more of the mind of Christ, before we can walk in that meek- 
 ness and lowliness, that self-renunciation and resignation, which 
 he requires of us. God would never have commanded us to 
 do well and suffer for it patiently, if he had not meant to give 
 us strength to comply with the injunction. 
 
 " I do not know what is more unreasonable, than to expect 
 a humble, kind behaviour, from a person under the domin- 
 ion of pride and selfishness. When a covetous worshipper of 
 the god Mammon, is benevolent to the poor and needy ; when 
 those whom the Scripture styles ' Lovers of themselves,' are 
 found seeking the advantage or happiness of others, (any fur- 
 ther than as it seconds their own,) — then shall we assuredly 
 
 * gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles.' But the Chris- 
 tian has a spiritual supply which the world knows nothing of; 
 with an eternal spring, which our Lord emphatically calls, 
 
 * living water;' and by the assistance of this spiritual princi- 
 ple, he can love his enemies ; and he can do good to them that 
 hate him. 
 
 " I was last night much pleased with a sermon of Mr. B — 's 
 from this text, 'Be ye merciful, as your Father which is in 
 heaven is merciful, for he doeth good to the just, and the un- 
 just.' What species of ingratitude, disobedience, and contempt 
 can we conceive of that is not daily offered to God, with ten 
 thousand aggravations ! and yet his mercy endureth through 
 all ! Though the unbelieving and disobedient eat not the chil- 
 dren's bread, yet they have such favours as they are capable of 
 receiving. Mr. B. observed, ' that upon Adam's transgres- 
 sion, righteousness and truth forsook the earth, and flev/ to 
 heaven, from whence they came; but mercy stood by the poor 
 delinquent till it had found out a ransom, and then brought 
 back the other graces.' Oh that our hearts may become, and 
 ever remain, the habitation of mercy ! Let us ever be seeking 
 after this conformity to our Father in heaven. Every act of 
 faith and love admits a little more of the Divine nature into 
 our souls." 
 
 Before Mrs. Hawkes's conversion, she had been pursuing 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 57 
 
 shadows, and enquiring, " Who will shew me any good?" 
 The language of her heart now was, " Lord, lifi thou up the 
 light of thy countenance upon me;" and the full attainment of 
 this blessing she sought in retirement, and in communion with 
 the Father of spirits. This is illustrated by the extracts from 
 her diary, which come next in order ; and which form a strik- 
 ing comment upon the words spoken by divine wisdom, Prov. 
 viii. 21. "That 1 may cause those that love me to inherit sub- 
 stance.^'' 
 
 April, 1792. — " I can never be enough thankful, that I am 
 not obliged to waste my time in visiting and receiving visits. 
 There was a season when I was as fond of doing so as any 
 one ; but thanks be to my gracious Saviour, who has given 
 me a new taste — new objects — new pursuits — new and true 
 enjoyments. With my books I never find the day long enough ; 
 and the week is gone before I am ready for the end. This is 
 the advantage of religion; and this the privilege of retirement 
 and solitude! This is the secret of being happy; which none 
 of the great ones of the earth ever knew." 
 
 May, 1792.—" A very merciful preservation from fire. 
 The boards in the house had begun to burn ; but the fire was 
 stopped by the activity of a friend, at some hazard to himself. 
 Let me remember the providential deliverance with gratitude." 
 
 June 10. — "Much delighted and profited by reading Dr. 
 Owen on the ' Glory of Christ.' My mind is overwhelmed 
 with the grandeur of the subject. I seem to get a glimpse, a 
 little ray of that glorious light: But how narrow, how weak, 
 how feeble is my view. The eyes of my understanding seem 
 scarcely opened. Surely, to know Christ, to become acquaint- 
 ed with his glory, and especially with his glory as the Re- 
 deemer, it is a subject sufficient to occupy every faculty ; and 
 to fill up every moment of time. What is the boasted wisdom 
 of this world? mere folly. Oh to grow in this divine know- 
 ledge ! 
 
 " I find in reading this amazing book, that my mind is too 
 feeble to grasp the author's comprehensive view all at once ; I 
 therefore take one passage at a time, and having endeavoured 
 to understand that, go on to another; till, by and by, 1 trust 
 I shall be more able to connect the whole. Much is lost by a 
 more general view of things. Thus in the works of crea- 
 tion, a general view confounds the mind: you can only ut- 
 ter, ' It is all stupendous !' But take, for instance, a blade 
 of grass, or the smallest insect, and set all the powers of the 
 mind to investigate these, and what is the efl^ect ? a conviction 
 
58 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 of extreme ignorance: for if these cannot be understood, how 
 can millions of other wonders ! and if we cannot understand 
 earthly things, how can we understand heavenly ? Only by 
 the teaching of the Holy Spirit, and the diligent use of means 
 in dependence ihereon. Henceforth may 1 have no other study 
 but to ' know Christ.' " 
 
 July 1. — " Was favoured to-day by a visit from my hon- 
 oured minister. ' There is no such thing,' said he, ' in the 
 Christian life as standing still. If we do not get forward, we 
 must loose ground. If a child should be no larger in its growth 
 at eight years old, than it was at four, we know at once that 
 there is something the matter. So it is with the soul; if the 
 graces of the spirit do not grow and flourish, there is some la- 
 tent cause which calls for examination. If our love to God, to 
 his word, to his ordinances, to his people, does not increase 
 and if our love of sin, and love to the world does not lessen, 
 it is a sign we do not grow in grace. If we do not gain a 
 greater mastery over ourselves, our tempers and affections, our 
 bad habits, than we had at our first setting out in Christianity, 
 we surely do not grow in grace. 
 
 ' Never expect much of the joy of the Holy Ghost, if your 
 heart and mind be occupied in the enjoyment of sense. The 
 joy of the spirit is a delicate, sacred deposit ; and must be 
 kept in a pure casket. An unholy breath will dim its lustre, 
 and fade its freshness. The joys of sense — even the most 
 lawful of them— are agitating, tumultuous, and unsatisfactory. 
 The joy of the spirit is calming, modest, strengthening, eleva- 
 ting, and satisfying. The joys of sense, at the best, enervate, 
 lower and impoverish the soul. The joys of the spirit ennoble 
 and enrich it.' 
 
 "At another time Mr. C. observed, 'They who would 
 yield unreserved obedience, when they know what the will of 
 God is, must neither be influenced by carnal aficctions, nor list- 
 en to plausible objections, nor consult partial counsellors ; nor 
 make any delays; but committing all to the Lord's hand, must 
 simply follow the pillar and the cloud.' May I be a follower of 
 them, who, through faith and patience, inherit the promises!" 
 
 August. — "'A man's foes shall be they of his own house- 
 hold.' How true do I know this to be ! Happy that soul who 
 can say in the spirit as well as in the words of Christ, ' Father 
 forgive them, they know not what they do.' Through grace, 
 I know what it is to say this in some small measure, and at 
 sometimes; but oh, to find it an abiding principle is what I want! 
 
 " ' And the Lord said unto Solomon, ' Ask, what I shall 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 59 
 
 give thee ;' and he has said to each of his children, ' Ask, and 
 ye shall receive.' Why then am 1 lean from day to day? Give, 
 I pray thee, thine handmaid, a wise and understanding heart." 
 
 September 21. — " Let me record this evening's failure that 
 I may rememher it with humiliation. My heart meditated 
 kindness which it was not backward to perform ; I gave up 
 my feelings to my duty, but it was not received ; on the con- 
 trary, 1 had blame instead of commendation, and hereon I lost 
 my temper and spake unadvisedly with my lips. This proves 
 1 had desired to please man rather than God. When shall I 
 learn to expect my happiness from God only. He is always 
 pleased with the desire to please him, and never chills the heart 
 that approaches him with holy love and confidence. I have, 
 however, much to be ashamed of, and 1 will endeavour to look 
 at my own faults, rather than justify myself, by tracing the 
 faults of another. ' Self justification may be urged at an un- 
 reasonable time. It may be heard wlien the mind becomes 
 calm, but to offer it during a seizure of passion, is like offering 
 reason to a lunatic' 1 shrink at the question, am I like Him 
 who, * when he was reviled, reviled not again?' ' Enter not 
 into judgment with thy servant, O Lord.'" 
 
 Jan. 1793. Sunday — "My prayer is, that through the 
 whole of this year, I may every day taste that the Lord is 
 gracious, as I have, through mercy, done this day. Thou that 
 knowest all things, thou that knowest the secrets of the heart, 
 and the inmost thoughts and desires, thou knowest I do not en- 
 treat for riches, nor honour, nor even, (but as far as it may 
 please thee) for a removal of my many trials and sorrows ! No 
 — my first and most ardent desire is, (unless I am greatly self- 
 deceived,) that thou wilt give me the portion of thy children, 
 that thou wilt ' remember me with the favour thou bearest un- 
 to thy people,' that, like Mary, I may sit at thy feet, O blessed 
 Jesus, and attentively hear thy voice." 
 
 Feb. Sunday. — " Much instructed and refreshed to-day. 
 Lord, water the seed sown, by the showers of thy grace ! 
 
 " My invaluable minister has some symptoms of a serious 
 complaint, which, should it increase, will prevent his preach- 
 ing. May the Lord of the vineyard avert so heavy a calamity !" 
 
 Saturday. — "Why is it that the weeks, days, and hours 
 fly faster away when alone than in company, but because I 
 can more freely and silently converse with my then most pres- 
 ent Saviour. Through divine grace I can say, and I would 
 speak it with reverence, ' With him conversing I forget all 
 time ; All seasons, and their change.' " 
 
60 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 Though Mrs. Hawkes had a peculiar capacity for improv- 
 ing and enjoying retirement, yet her disposition was highly 
 social ; and she constantly maintained much spiritual inter- 
 course with Christian friends. It was about this period that she 
 became acquainted with Mrs. Ely Bates. The following letter 
 from this friend, whom she much valued, may be found inter- 
 esting, and will also afford an occasion of bringing out some 
 features of Mrs. H's character. 
 
 " Brompton, Feb. 22, 1793." 
 "My dear friend, 
 
 " You will permit me to call you so, because you have been 
 already such in some respects, and 1 trust you will be more so 
 to me: I mean that I shall give you occasion to do me more 
 good. The chief good I want, and would beg you to help me 
 to obtain, is, to climb up from present to heavenly things, ' To 
 be spiritually -minded is life and peace ;' life, which enables 
 for action, and peace, which strengthens by rest. 1 have lost 
 ground by an over attention to little things : therefore if 1 mean 
 to profit by you, I see it is my duty to watch when we meetj 
 against entering on the detail of common life, and rather to en- 
 deavour to get strength, by union with you to climb upwards, 
 and get near the feet of that adorable Saviour who is not only 
 the 'Saviour of the body,' his Church, but of our bodies as distin- 
 guished from our souls, and who can shed his salvation into 
 all the smaller works of our life : as, under the law, all the ves- 
 sels as well as the people, were sprinkled with blood. Heb. 
 ix, 19—21. My dear friend, I am lower down than you 
 think ; (and I entreat you not to consider this as the language 
 of humility ;) I want practical comprehension, that I may not 
 give undue importance to trifles ; theoretical will not do. The 
 understanding works at leisure, distinct from the habits and 
 passions of the whole man, — like a candle before it enters the 
 damp of a coal pit. Pray for me, that my mind may become 
 more spiritual, that I may get nearer to God, watch more unto 
 prayer, and cultivate more quietness of spirit. 
 
 " I received yesterday a visit from a Miss D , who lives 
 
 in Hornsey lane, Ilighgate, and it occurred to me that you 
 mio-ht be made useful to her. She was last year in Switzer- 
 lanll, and brought me a letter from a friend there, which was 
 the occasion of her call. Her stay was short, but she took that 
 lime to open to me, in some measure, the state of her muid, 
 and the concern she was under respecting her soul. It seems 
 she has an aunt in Manchester, a pious woman, with whom 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 61 
 
 Miss D. had been staying for some months on a visit, and it 
 appears to have been made a blessing to her. But she now stands 
 alone and expresses herself desirous of some help. I thought 
 I would mention it to you, and if you felt yourself disposed to 
 give her the opportunity, she would certainly be very glad to 
 see you. I think it is not desirable for young persons in her 
 state to have many religious acquaintances; they had better 
 be wholly secluded than dissipated: her strength must stand 
 in prayer and retirement. She cannot enjoy many opportunities 
 of hearing the truth preached; and certainly her calling is 
 rather to be faithful to the openings of providence, than pass 
 over a wall, or break through a hedge. I cannot think but 
 that, in general, much loss is suffered, and harm incurred, by 
 too hasty steps of that kind. I believe that where a heart is 
 simple, and attentive to divine grace, all that is needful will be 
 given in due time and season. But we obscure the light, and 
 lose our docility, by overpassing the bounds of providence. — 
 Yet it is natural for persons in her case to look around and say, 
 ' Come and help me.'' Happy if they who come, direct them 
 simply to the great Shepherd : such escape many stumblings 
 and offences. 1 have only room to add, 
 
 I remain, my dear friend. 
 
 Yours affectionately, 
 
 E. Bates. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes was a remarkable instance of that self-denial, 
 and elevation of soul, which is recommended in this letter; and 
 of those qualities which dispose the mind to postpone trifling 
 and passing cares, to weightier subjects; not only in the great 
 concerns of eternity, but also in the cultivation of all that is in- 
 tellectual and ennobling. At the same time, it should be ob- 
 served, that in her personal habits, and domestic arrangements, 
 there was a combination of Christian simplicity, with the beau- 
 ty of order and neatness — which habits were continued to the 
 end of her life, through all the impediments of her bodily in- 
 firmities. Here also begins to be developed that hnppy ca- 
 pacity for engaging the affections and improving the relit^ious 
 character of young people, by which Mrs. Hawkes was emi- 
 nently distinguished ; and to which her varied mental resour- 
 ces, her extensive experience, and never failing ciieerfulncss, 
 greatly contributed. 
 
 Many from a sense of affectionate gratitude for such assist- 
 ance in their spiritual course, are lonoing to join her liappy 
 spirit now before the throne, " with the general assembly and 
 church of the firstborn which are written in heaven." The 
 6 
 
62 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 next memorandum proves the interest which she took, while on 
 earth, in this spiritual family' 
 
 March, — " I have lately enjoyed some delightful communion 
 with departed spirits,^ who were once, like myself, pilgrims 
 and strangers upon earth ; poor, infirm, sinful, and weak ; but 
 having believed the promises, and having God for their portion^ 
 are now in the blessed presence of him who sitteth upon the 
 throne forever ; and who are praising him day and night ! My 
 feeble heart rejoices that though my services are vile and im- 
 perfect, they are of the same kind as theirs. That as they de- 
 light to prostrate themselves before God, so do I ; as their hap- 
 piness comes from God, so does mine; as their joy and delight 
 is to praise him, so it is mine. They have crowns to cast before 
 him, I have nothing to present but sinful prayers and tears ; 
 their worship is pure, mine is impure, and mixed with sin and 
 unbelief. But the blood of Jesus makes them clean ; and, per- 
 fumed with the blessed incense of our Saviour's intercession — 
 mine, through the tender mercy of my God, shall be accepted 
 as well as theirs." 
 
 Wednesday. — " Was again much benefited by the conver- 
 sation of my revered minister. By these opportunities my soul 
 is both refreshed and invigorated. ' Iron sharpeneth iron, so 
 a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.' (Prov. xxvii, 
 17.) ' Take it,' said he, ' for a standing rule,^ that " Through 
 much tribulation you must enter into the kingdom of heaven." 
 But " as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them 
 that fear him ;" and he will not suffer them to be tempted 
 " above what they are able to bear." 
 
 ' It is the will of God that his children should have peace 
 within, whatever they may have without : therefore the Lord 
 says, " Abide in me." 
 
 1 St. Paul says, " We are come to the spirits of just men made per- 
 fect." On which text Mr. Gill remarks, " The spirits, or souls, of these 
 are only mentioned, because the communion of saints in a Gospel-church 
 state, hes chiefly in the spirit, or souls, of each other, — or in spiritual 
 things relating to their souls; and their souls are greatly affected and 
 knit to each other. The saints in heaven are here intended, or at least 
 included, whose spirits, or souls, are separate from their bodies ; nor as 
 yet all the saints with them. Believers in the present state of things 
 may be said to be ' come' to them, in hope, expectation and desire." — 
 Matthew Henry also remarks, " Believers have union with departed 
 saints in one and the same Head and Spirit, and a title to the same in- 
 heritance, of which those in earth are heirs, those in hediy en possessors,'^ 
 — Editor. 
 
CHAP. III. — FRo>r A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 63 
 
 'Take heed of heart-backslidings. Many are endangered by 
 this, who have not made any outward breach. They may be 
 looked up lo as eminent characters, when in their conscience 
 they are convinced that their spiritual strength is shorn, and 
 their graces are in a withering state. 
 
 * There is nothing that is such a spring to us in the path of 
 duty as setting the Lord always before us. Watch for the first 
 beam of God's favourable countenance, and take great care to 
 cherish it. Beware of every thing that would over-cloud it.'" 
 
 '' Mr. C. spoke also on the dangerous nature of error. ' Be- 
 ware,' said he, ' of error ; its force and energy are indescriba- 
 ble ; and when it once gets entrance into the mind, it eats as 
 doth a canker. 
 
 ' That error is the strongest which is built on some truth: 
 half the truth is a lie. All the errors of the difl^erent religious 
 sects have been owing to their separating and twisting to Their 
 own purpose some single truth ; such persons, by taking un- 
 connected Scriptures, may make the Bible speak anything. 
 
 * Error is never solitanj ; it is always attended by alhou- 
 sand others. Burnet says, ' while profaneness is the broad 
 road to hell, error is the bye-path.' 
 
 ' All error begins in the heart. It is sometimes remarked 
 that an erroneous man, (such for instance as a Socinian,) is an 
 honest man in avowing wrong principles, because he is zealous 
 for what he thinks is the truth. But the question should be 
 asked, How came he to believe a lie? " Because they did not 
 like to retain God in their knowledge." He has willingly 
 gone, step by step, into error, till he has arrived at that slate ; 
 and then, like the apostle going to Damascus, he cannot do 
 right ; for had he not gone, he would not have acted upon his 
 own principles,— and in going, he acted quite contrary to the 
 will of God. Therefore, a man at length gets into such cir- 
 cumstances and situations that, all things co'nsidered, it is im- 
 possible for him to act right. Two men setting out from the 
 very same point in the angle, will be seen to travel very widely 
 asunder. A very small pebble lying at the mouth of a brook 
 will direct its course.' 
 
 " Keep me, O Lord, as the apple of thine eye ; and be thou 
 to me as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land. While I 
 rejoice in the pleasant streams of instruction, lead me ever up 
 to Thee, the fountain of Life, and enable me to drink abund- 
 antly." 
 
 Sunduy.-^'^ An uncomfortable day; interrupted, as many of 
 my Sabbaths have been of late, by company. I am thus put 
 
64 
 
 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 out of my track, but I must consider it as my cross, since it is 
 not in my own power to shut my door against Sunday idlers : 
 were I left to my choice, I would gladly keep the day sacred. 
 Oh, for a retirednessof spirit, and abstractedness of soul through 
 all!" 
 
 Wednesday, April 12. — " Heard Mr. C. at Long Acre from 
 Isaiah xl. 30, 31. ' Even the youths shall faint and be weary, 
 and the young men shall utterly fail : but they that wait upon 
 the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up 
 with wings like eagles ; they shall run and not be weary ; they 
 shall walk and not faint.' 
 
 " The ignorant and unlearned in the things of God were in- 
 structed to wait upon tiie Lord for the teaching of his Spirit. 
 None grew so wise and prosperous as those who attended to 
 the Great Teacher. We might wait upon favorite preachers, 
 books, friends, &c., but unless we looked first to God, and 
 sought secret intercourse and communion with him, we should 
 make but little progress. We must sit at the feet of Jesus, in 
 a listening obedient spirit; searching the Scriptures continu- 
 ally. The slothful and negligent were also exhorted to wait 
 diligently upon the Lord, in all the means of grace; looking 
 to the true source of good. 
 
 *' It would not do to wait sometimes. ' The slothful soul de- 
 sireth and hath nothing.' It is not sufficient to have good de- 
 sires, we must endeavour, we must labour, for that meat which 
 doth not perish. People may pretend to despise the diligent, 
 and call them legal, but we are commanded to labour, to watch 
 as well as pray ; to fight like good soldiers. There was much 
 instruction also to the hasty spirit ; to wait with patience, sub- 
 mission, and resignation ; we were not to make hasty conclu- 
 sions against ourselves, nor, like Jehoram, impiously to say, 
 ' Why should I wait for the Lord any longer?' Even Jere- 
 miah, Moses, Elijah, Jonah, &c., erred here. The v.eary and 
 heavy-laden were next greatly encouraged, ' They shall run 
 and not be weary ; they shall walk and not faint' — while they 
 continue to wait on the Lord. 
 
 " Alas, my memory fails ; but my heart glows with grati- 
 tude for this opportunity. I can truly say, that in waiting 
 upon the Lord, my strength has been renewed. Not for a 
 long time have I been so favoured as under this discourse. 
 ' Bless the Lord, 0_ my soul ; and all that is within me, bless 
 Ills holy name.' " 
 
 Friday. — " Made a hasty engagement to dine out. Upon 
 recollection I saw I had done foolishly. I am yet too young 
 
CHAP. III. — FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. G5 
 
 in religion to venture into the contagious atmosphere of the 
 ungodly. I went to my Saviour in simplicity and acknowledged 
 my fault, and prayed for his preserving mercy; when, thanks 
 be to His holy name, he sent me his preventing mercy. I was 
 detained at home by a severe sickness, for which I am truly 
 thankful. Let me henceforward remember that, 'Only to see, 
 (be the sight ever so splendid,) is an insufficient warrant to 
 draw me into places of spiritual hazard.' " ^ 
 
 Tuesday. — "Confined still by illness. But through mercy 
 my best Comforter has been present with me; and he has 
 enabled me hitherto to resign myself wholly to his disposal. 
 
 1 Whatever, in modern days, may be thought of such a degree of ten- 
 derness of conscience as is here expressed, one of the blessed Reformers 
 and Martyrs of our Church, has left a remarkable notice of his feelings 
 under a similar temptation, which in the event occasioned him much 
 trouble and compunction of conscience. John Bradford in one of his 
 epistles writes as follows: — To Mr. Travcs, begging his prayers, and la- 
 menting his own sinful condition : — "Yesternight, a little before supper, 
 I was desired liy a neigbour, my mother's friend, against this day to din- 
 ner. Unto whom, for that a refusal would have been imputed disdain- 
 ful stateliness, I unwillingly, (God to witness,) but not unadvisedly,' yet 
 foolishlif granted to the same, which I advertise you as my excuse for not 
 coming this day. * * * * * * * * * ■ 
 
 "In your communication with God, I pray you have me of all sinners 
 a most negligent, unthankful and wretched, (Oh, that from the bottom 
 of my heart I confessed the same unfeignedly !) in remembrance, that at 
 length, I might truly convert and turn from these flesh-pots of Egypt, to 
 feed vv'ith his manna, patiently, and assuredly expecting his mercy, joy- 
 fully sighing for, and bearing the badge of his disciples and servants, 
 the cross. ********** 
 
 "This paper, pen and ink, yea, the marble-stone weepeth, to see my 
 slothful security and unthankful hardness to so merciful and long suffer- 
 ing a Lord. I confess it, I confess it, though not tremblingly, humbly, 
 or penitently, yet I confess it, oh ! hypocritically I confess it! 
 
 " Therefore pray, pray for me, that I may repent and be turned to 
 God, not despising his wrath, and the death of his Son Jesus Christ, but 
 that I may live in the Spirit, and walk in the Spirit, evermore to bewail 
 my carnal security and this philca>t/am,^ that I may be made a new crea- 
 ture through grace, made meet to receive the new wine of the Gospel into 
 a new vessel, purified by faith, wrought by the Spirit of consolation, 
 which may vouchsafe to lead us in all truth and godly living, that we 
 may know God the Father to be in himself the only true God, and Jesus 
 Christ whom he hath sent. To which most blessed Trinity, be all hon- 
 our and glory forever. Amen. In haste this Thursday in the morning, 
 Yours as his own, 
 
 "JoHif Bradford." 
 Fathers of the English Church, Vol. VI. page 616. 
 
 ' Unwittingly. 2 Self-pleasing. 
 
 6* 
 
66 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 I want nothing but more grace and devotedness of heart and 
 life ; more union wilh my Saviour, and a nearer intercourse 
 with him. IC pain and sickness will promote these desirable 
 things — welcome both. Every thing is welcome, while my 
 blessed Redeemer condescends to be with me by his presence. 
 1 know not what lies before me; but it is enough for me that 
 my heavenly Father knows, and will make all things work to- 
 gether for my good." 
 
 Thursday, May 30 — " The last month has been a peculiar 
 one. Not only has my body been greatly debilitated, but my 
 mind has been variously exercised. Some new lessons have 
 been given : may this and every trying dispensation be sancti- 
 fied, and the design therein fully answered. Hitherto 1 have 
 been enabled to say with confidence, ' I know in whom I have 
 believed, and that he will keep that 1 have committed to him.' 
 ' My mountain has seemed to stand so strong, I said, I shall 
 never be moved.' But of late, some unusual fears have darted 
 across my mind, such as, — What if I should in some dark day 
 lose my anchor hold ? — from which I gather this instruction, 
 ' Live not upon your graces, but upon Christ.' Say, If the fig 
 tree does not blossom, yet will I rejoice in the Lord." 
 
 June 12. — " Unfavourable clouds of deadness and stupidity 
 have, for several weeks, interrupted the reviving and gladden- 
 ing rays of the Sun of Righteousness. The enemy ha^ thence 
 taken occasion to assault me. But thanks be to my adorable 
 sustainer, I am enabled to see, that though the sun be with- 
 drawn, and storms arise, I am built upon a Rock; and I am 
 still enabled to stand waiting and knocking at mercy's door. 
 He does graciously afford me some glimpses of his countenance, 
 though he does not make his abode with me as heretolbre. He 
 is just, though 1 continue much longer waiting. I am con- 
 scious of much unfaithfulness towards God ; my mind has 
 been too much engaged with inferior objects ; they have been 
 attended to, and he has been neglected or forgotten : — no won- 
 der he should retire. I feel my folly, and wonder at myself 
 that I should have slighted such a guest. I acknowledge mine 
 iniquity ; shouldest thou, O Lord, be extreme to mark what is 
 done amiss, I could not answer thee to one of a thousand. 1 
 will still throw myself at thy feet, and cling to thy cross, and 
 will there abide, till thou comest to drive out thine enemies, 
 and re-assume thy seat; till then, 1 will be as the importunate 
 widow; and may I be enabled by grace to say with Job, 
 ' Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.' 
 
 " My former trials were chiefly from outward circumstances; 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 67 
 
 deep inward conflicts are now added: the Lord's will be done!" 
 
 July. — " My soul has long been in a dry and barren state. 
 I am ofien ready to faint, and say. 'will it be always so?' 
 Yet again a hope arises that the vision is only tor an appointed 
 time, and that 1 must wait for it. But in waiting, I find there 
 are these dangers, — either despondency — impatience — or care- 
 lessness. Sometimes I seem to forget the state I am in, and 
 let out my mind to every trifling or busy occupier. Oh when 
 shall I combine the importunity of the widow, with the patient 
 docility of ]\jary ! When shall I be all diligence in watching 
 for good, and yet resignedly say, ' My times are in thy hand.' " 
 
 Sunday. — " One Sabbath comes after another, and yet I re- 
 main a dry tree; in which there is no sap, no greenness, nei- 
 ther fruit nor blossom. It was not always so. I can look 
 back to the time when I could not only taste but drink of the 
 waters of life, flowing from the sanctuary, and my heart was 
 made glad; and when I could rejoice even under deep sorrows. 
 Now 1 go and look, and long and sigh and weep ; but it is sel- 
 dom that I can obtain one refreshing drop ; and that scarcely 
 seems to penetrate the parched ground. What can I say? — 
 ' Righteousness belongeth unto thee, but unto me confusion of 
 face.' " 
 
 The loss of sensible comforts, and of profit under divine or- 
 dinances, which here forms a part of Mrs. Hawkes's painful 
 experience, has been felt and expressed by others of eminent 
 piety ; of which, examples occur not only in Church History, 
 but also in the Scripture account of eminent saints. 
 
 Mr. Newton has remarked, " A humble, dependent frame of 
 spirit, perseverance in the appointed means, care to avoid all 
 occasions of sin, a sincere endeavour to glorify God, and an 
 eye to Jesus Christ as our all in all, are sure indications that 
 the soul is thriving^ whether sensible consolations abound or 
 not." And Mr. Adam also says, "Neither high nor low 
 frames will do for a standard of faith: self may be strong in 
 both." 
 
 Either enjoying God's presence, or mourning the want of it, 
 seems to constitute the temper of every true Christian. They 
 who, like Mrs. Hawkes, have in their early religious experi- 
 ence been favoured with peculiar manifestations of joy, will 
 perhaps feel more sensibly than others, those intervals of dead- 
 ness, which would scarcely be realized by persons less spiritu- 
 ally-minded. Her soul was still thirsting after God, and espe- 
 cially to see his power and glory in the sanctuary. There she 
 sought and found support and instruction in the absence of sen- 
 
68 
 
 ME3IOIR3 OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 sible comforts : which appears by her record of the following 
 sermon, and by the prayer which accompanies it. 
 
 Wednesday, Avg. 15. — " Heard Mr. C. at Long Acre, on 
 Psalm xlii. 5. ' Why art Ihou cast down O my "soul? and 
 why art thou disquieted in me 'i Hope thou in God : for I shall 
 yet praise him for the help of his countenance. Mr. C. re- 
 marked : — 
 
 'Every Christain should say, like David, whatever be the 
 state of things within or without, I will remember my Rock ; 
 and though my soul is disquieted within me, 1 will fight against 
 discouragement, hoping in God. 
 
 ' Whatever is the cause of depression, whether outward trou- 
 ble, or inward fears, or if our joy in the Lord is withheld, we 
 must not set it down as a proof that we have not grace : but 
 rather look at the most eminent Christians enduring the same 
 conflicts. 
 
 'Let the Christian keep upon his ground, and behold Him 
 that is invisible; and though only a poor bruised reed, he 
 stands like a rock. But let him come oft' (hat, and begin dis- 
 puting God's word, and his providence, and then imaginations 
 of all kinds rush in, and his heart is disquieted. 
 
 'A believer is not like a u-orldling; he cannot find satisfac- 
 tion in trifles ; take away the comforts and confidences of reli- 
 gion, and he is poor indeed. 
 
 'Faith and hope give wings to the soul. V\e often call for 
 the wings of a dove to fly away, because we want to be out of 
 our place, to be somewhere else in order to be more happy. 
 But this arises from impatience. True faith and hope will 
 make us happy any where, and enable us, like Paul and Silas, 
 to sing in a prison. 
 
 'Every Christian should remember, whatever may be the 
 cause of his trouble, "there has no temptation taken him but 
 such as is common toman." This is a dreary wilderness; 
 we have not yet attained to our rest, but it remaineth for us. 
 
 'If the mourning believer should say. But I have sinned 
 against God, and therefore am under rebuke, and how can 1 
 help being cast down? Yet let him remember that dispair is 
 no cure ; and to please Satan by doubting, is not the way to 
 be relieved. He should recollect that every season has its par- 
 ticular duty ; and, like David, he should reason with his soul, 
 " Why art thou cast down?" 
 
 ' As the Christian learns the use of his anchor, there is no 
 wave or billow by which he can be tossed, but this will keep 
 him steady : nay, he should go further, and say with David, 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 69 
 
 — bad as things are at present, — " Hope thou in God ; for I 
 shall yet praise him, for the help of his countenance.'" 
 
 "Blessed be God for atlbrding me opportunities of liearing 
 his word. Aniidst all my fears within, and trials without, this 
 comforts, refreshes, and supports my soul, namely, that I still 
 can pray for the heart-searching eye of God, and solemnly ap- 
 peal to him who knows me, better than I do myself, and say, 
 'Thou that knovvest all things knowest that I love thee!' that 
 1 desire nothing in comparison of thee; that I would give up 
 every thing rather than my hope in thee; and that it is my 
 continual cry, Lord, why do I love thee so little? Make me 
 love thee supremely. May the seed which has been sown this 
 day, bo watered by the showers of divine grace; and may I 
 be enabled to praise God for the light of his countenance." 
 
 Thursday. — "How variable are the frames and feelings! 
 How like the shining and the shadow passing over the green 
 plain ! But, blessed be God, our salvation consisteth not in 
 frames and feelings, but in being engrafted on the living vine, 
 and abiding in Christ: consisteth not even in our sensible hold 
 of him, but in our simple belief of his gracious declaration, that 
 he will never leave, nor forsake, nor suffer us to be plucked 
 out of his hands." 
 
 Sunday. — " Ijeard Mr. C. to-day from 2 Sam. v. 10. ' And 
 David went on, and grew great, and the Lord God of hosts 
 was with him!' 
 
 " O that in all situations and circumstances, prosperous or 
 adverse, / n)ay have this blessed assurance, that the Lord is 
 with ?ne. 
 
 "Thank God for a new degree of spiritual life? My Lord 
 has graciously called me to rise above the uncomfortable state I 
 have tor some time been in ; and proclaims himself to my soul, 
 as the Lord who forgiveth all iniquities; as the good physician 
 who healeth all my diseases and pours oil into every wound." 
 
 September 5, 1793. — "This day I received from my revered 
 minister a large new Bible, handsomely bound : in the begin- 
 ning of which the following lines were written : 
 
 'The Lord hear thee my daughter, in the day of trouble: 
 the name of the God of Jacob defend thee. Send thee help 
 from the Sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion, both now, 
 and when he who presents this book shall assist thee no more.'^ 
 
 1 Below these lines there is a memorandum in pencil, written by Mrs. 
 Hawkes some years after, as follows. — 
 
 1804. JVoiv is the (lay of trouble, and the God of Jacob does defend, 
 strengthen, and comfort his poor servant. 
 
70 me:\ioirs of mrs. hawkes. 
 
 " O Lord, be pleased to hearken to the petitions of thy ser- 
 vant ; and lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon him ; 
 let his soul be like a well watered garden ; Let 'the good will 
 of him that dwelt in the bush,' rest upon him and all that he 
 hath. Bless the wife of his bosom, and the children whom 
 thou hast given him. Let none of them be wanting when thou 
 comest to make up thy jewels. Bless him in his basket and 
 his store. Bless him in coming in, and going out. O accom- 
 pany the glad tidings thou sendest by him with power, and 
 with the Holy Ghost. Make his ' doctrine to drop as the rain ; 
 his speech to distil as the 6e\v upon the tender herb, and the 
 showers upon the grass.' And now O Lord, be pleased to at- 
 tend unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips. 
 
 <' With reference to the late depression of my mind, Mr. C. 
 remarked : 
 
 ' There is experience as well as doctrine to be taught in the 
 school of Christ. We are to be brought out of nature, and 
 taught to walk with God : and this is effected not only by the 
 gracious influences of the Holy Spirit, but also by wholesome 
 corrections. To have a blessed evidence is not inconsistent 
 with cloudy days; with temptations. "We do groan being 
 burdened," says the apostle, and yet these are the men that are 
 renewed day by day, — that rejoice in tribulation. 
 
 ' Vv' hat is any thing without experience ? Ask the philoso- 
 pher — the artist, &c., if their experience cost them nothing: if 
 no hazard, no expense was endured? And it would be strange 
 if the Christian's experience also must not be made up by a 
 thousand secret particulars. Let us beg of God to superin- 
 tend the process. 
 
 ' We should mark well the peculiar duties of trying seasons. 
 No time is more trying than when the believer feels any thing 
 like a declining or a revolting state of mind. 
 
 ' There is a point in every man's life, when, if God is speak- 
 ing to the conscience, it will be said to him as it was to Peter, 
 " Will ye also go away 1 " For every believer, at some time 
 or other feels, that religion is not the undertaking of a day ; 
 but that he must hold on, and hold out. He is a soldier, and 
 he must fight. When temptation, persecution, or affliction, 
 come heavily upon him, then is the time when this question is 
 especially ])ut to him. 
 
 ' God has, in his provision and proposal of salvation to man, 
 taken into consideration his stilf-neckedness, his iron sinew, 
 his backsliding and wandering heart. 
 
 ' God's consolations must also be sought in God's way ; and 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 71 
 
 in his way they shall be obtained. Upon our first setting out 
 in religion, we are apt to expect we shall receive our comforts 
 in our own way : forgetting that God is the appointer of times, 
 and that our business is to wait for him. What a life of ex- 
 pectation and waiting was Abraham's ! How did he hope 
 against hope ! Through what deep waters did he pass ! 
 
 < The exercise of holy joy may be lost by sin : or, otherwise, 
 David would not have cried, " Restore unto me the joy of thy 
 salvation." If we trifle with sin of any kind, the joy of salva- 
 tion will be suspended ; for the spring of it is the shining of 
 God's Holy Spirit in the heart. And this 7nnst be interrupted, 
 if we wander after other joys. 
 
 ' The joy of salvation is the joy of calm reflection. It will 
 bear the examination of a dying bed ; it is the joy of hope and 
 expectation ; it is the joy of acceptance and communion with 
 God ; it is everlasting. 
 
 ' The atmosphere of the world has a tendency to damp this 
 joy. Whenever we are necessarily led into the company of 
 the ungodly, we should feel when the evil influence begins to 
 work upon our minds, and avoid it as a child would a mur- 
 derer ; and then we should hear the question, " Wiil ye also 
 go away ? " and should cry with earnestness to Christ, 
 ♦'Strengthen thou me;" pour thy grace into my soul, and 
 water the root, that I may be preserved from withering; 
 «' Thou hast the words of eternal life.' " 
 
 Sunday. — " Heard Mr. Scott at Lonir Acre, from John i. 
 29. ' Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of 
 the world.' 
 
 " A most blessed discourse. Oh that this, and every other, 
 may take deep root in my heart, and under the glorious Divine 
 influence of tlie Sun of Righteousness, bring forth fruit to his 
 praise ! If it were not for my trust in the great atoning sacri- 
 fice, my defectiveness, only this day, under the means of grace, 
 would sink me into despair ; and would also, did not his pre- 
 cious blood cleanse from all sin, sink me into hell. All glory 
 be to God for the gift of his dear Son I " 
 
 Nov. 30, 1793 — " Many have been the trials of this last 
 month. Besides being confined to my bed by illness, grieved 
 to the heart on account of a dear relative. Oh that God would 
 condescend in his infinite mercy to bid him live ! O let me 
 never so forsake thee, the blessed fountain of living waters, 
 and turn to broken cisterns that can hold no water ! It is only 
 thy grace which can prevent this. Let it never be withdrawn, 
 I pray thee. Sufl^er me not to quench or grieve thy good 
 
72 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 Spirit. O take away my life, rather than it should be spent 
 in any other service than thine!" 
 
 The foregoing extract affords a glimpse of the severe inward 
 trials experienced by godly and enlightened persons on account 
 of those relatives who afford no satisfactory evidence of true 
 conversion. Mrs. Hawkes again alludes to this painful sub- 
 ject in the latter part of the following letter to Mrs. Jones. 
 After giving an account of her late illness, she goes on to 
 say;— 
 
 «' I have been much struck, since my illness, with the degree 
 of formality and insensibility which a Christian may have fallen 
 into, though living under the meridian splendour of religious 
 advantages; perhaps I should have said, the insensibility / 
 have fallen into, rather than suppose it common to Christians. 
 1 abhor myself when 1 think of my privileges, so much above 
 those of any other person I know. Yet how slow my pro- 
 gress I So drawn off by outward things : a heart so cold, and 
 vain, and proud, and selfish. Who has been so highly favoured 
 as n Feasted not only on the Sabbath, but every day, more 
 or less, with ' a feast of fat things ! ' 1 might have grown like 
 the 'calves of the stall.' InsteJTd of a reed, I might have been 
 like a tall cedar. One would have supposed that my general 
 trials would have been enough to have kept me awake. But 
 I fear I need a sharper stroke yet, to give me a thorough rous- 
 ing. Death must be felt approaching, before 1, in earnest, set 
 about preparing for it. I am amazed at myself! The near views 
 of eternity which have been granted to me in this illness, are 
 so instructive, so animating, and, 1 trust, so transforming, that 
 I say with all my heart, — welcome pain and sickness; 1 would 
 not part with you to sink again into insensibility. I see, every 
 day, more and more of the worth and efficacy of that Divine 
 breath, spoken of in Ezekiel ; and of the utter inefficacy of 
 every thing else, though ever so excellent and beautiful. I 
 long' to live with my soul laid open to receive those precious 
 influences. That is an encouraging promise, ' 1 will be as 
 the dew unto Israel.' My soul no longer prospers than as it 
 is continually receiving these precious dews. With deep hu- 
 miliation and thankfulness I would acknowledge, that God has 
 graciously granted me some reviving of late; yet even this 
 grace shows me how poor I am. The sun, when it shines, 
 discovers the places that remain dark. Oh when shall this 
 dark heart be filled with light! pervading, purifying, and vivi- 
 fying every secret corner. 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 73 
 
 " The enemy has lately tried hard to shake my confidence ; 
 in which he has been aided by many peculiar circumstances. 
 But I have since had a blessed opportunity of proving, that 
 they who build on the true and living stone, though they may 
 be alarmed, shall not be removed. \ am thankful that when 
 I am put in the tire of inward or outward trial, my request is, 
 not to come out, but to be purified. Alas, I have much, 
 very much dross to be burnt up; and of course must ex- 
 pect, again and again, to be put into the furnace. But by 
 grace, and that alone, my cry is, ' not my will, but thine be 
 done ; ' or rather, let my will be conformed to thine. 
 
 " It is indeed a serious thing to be 'tried as silver;' but not 
 alarming, when we recollect that the Holy Refiner sits by, 
 watching the process. If 1 know any thingof myself, I would 
 not forego my little experience of these things, to have escaped, 
 or still to escape all my sorrows. Alas! to see persons under 
 affliction, where no such process seems to take place ' 
 * * * * * *^* ^ 
 
 "A few hours ago { went to the footstool of Divine mercy, 
 to thank God for the gift of repentance: worlds cannot pur- 
 chase it ; but Christ is exalted to give it ; and this makes Christ 
 precious." 
 
 In reply to her sister, Mrs. Jones writes :— 
 
 «' I am thankful to find that through all difficulties, you are 
 still going forward. Let us praise God for every step we are 
 enabled to take in the way to the kingdom. All discouragement 
 savours of unbelief. If the serpent wound us, the antidote 
 must be applied the next moment; and this is what we must 
 strive for, namely, a constant sense of the cleansing and puri- 
 fymg blood of Christ, preventing new guilt from flLstenino- on 
 the conscience. The Lord knows we are weak, and he carries 
 the lambs in his bosom, and gently leads on those that are not 
 able to run. As we incroase in strength we shall mend our 
 pace. _ Let us run, looking unto Jesus ; every look strencrthens 
 the view. The powers of the soul gain vigor bvexe^rcise; 
 and It IS by looking that we are changed into the same imao-e. 
 Lnbehef suggests this is not the time to look ; let it be in hear- 
 mg, or in reading, or in speaking. But faith savs, * Now^ is the 
 accepted lime.' Our whole life should be one continued now. 
 
 " In one of your former letters you ask me respectino- pray- 
 ing and wishing for death. I think it is not right to pmy for 
 death : the will of God is better than death ; it is belter than 
 !iie, including every enjoyment with which it stands connected. 
 
74 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 The power of the Almighty as a sustainer, could not be made 
 manifest, if there were no subjecls to endure evil. St. Paul 
 says, ' most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmi- 
 ties that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' He did not 
 wish to die upon this occasion. The Divine economy requires 
 that there be some afflicted, some poor, some sick, some in pri- 
 son, that the will of God may be done on earth as it is in hea- 
 ven. But believers have an immense legacy settled upon 
 them ; and, amongst other names, yours and mine are as fully 
 included in the covenant will and testament, as those of any 
 individuals." 
 
 From the time Mrs. Hawkes first became a converted char- 
 acter, she accustomed herself to close every year with much 
 self-examination, penitence and solemnity of mind ; as also, 
 to open every new year with fresh self-dedication and prayer. 
 This was her continued practice through her whole Christian 
 course. The following memorandums are of this nature : — 
 
 Dec. 31, 1793. — " It is the will of my heavenly Father that 
 I should close this year in my sick chamber. He has called 
 me more immediately to listen to him ; and as a tender Father 
 has he chastened me. Oh that I were more fully sanctified ! 
 that my heart were as wax sofiened to receive his image and 
 likeness. If it is his will that I should recover, and again em- 
 bark on the rough sea of life, may 1 be enabled to enter upon 
 it with my poor "tattered sails filled with fresh gales from the 
 coasts ofZion. Oh that I may have no will but his, either 
 for life or death ! 
 
 " Takino- into consideration the innumerable benefits and 
 privileges with which God has graciously loaded me through 
 the past year, how great has been my ingratitude ! 
 
 " Those awful words make me tremble, — 'Thou art weigh- 
 ed in the balances, and art found wanting.' 
 
 " O Lord I would own the charge, and should be utterly 
 filled with despair, unless thou didst enable me to fix my eye 
 upon the golden sceptre held out to me in the gospel. Con- 
 science clamours, and points at innumerable transgressions. 
 Many and just are my accusers ; but I will refer them all to 
 my adorable Advocate, while I desire to behold, by faith, the 
 Lamb of God who taketh away the sin of the world!" 
 
 Jan. 1, 1794. — '"As the eyes of servants look unto the 
 hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the 
 hand of her mistress, so mine eyes are up unto thee," O Lord ! 
 that thou wouldest, in mercy, teach, guide, protect and strengthen 
 me. Enable me, this new year, to dedicate myself afresh to 
 
CHAP. III. FRO-M A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 75 
 
 thee. Let me not be conformed to this world, but transformed 
 by the renewing of my mind. Succour me when temptations 
 assail me ; give me wisdom when difficulties and perplexities 
 beset my path; make thy grace sufficient for me under any 
 agitation of mind, or rufflings of temper. Make me to keep my 
 mouth as with a bridle. Grant that I may be led by thy Holy 
 Spirit, and walk in the Spirit, through the whole of this year !" 
 
 Sunday, Jan. 4.—" Heard Mr, C. from Ps. xc. 12'. 'So 
 teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts un- 
 to wisdom.' 
 
 ' By wisdom is meant true religion. I am a dying creature 
 — let me be preparing for a dying hour. Let others be distin- 
 guished for their learning, for their knowledge, for their great 
 worldly wisdom : yet, however they may be admired, how- 
 ever splendid they may be, it is all but splendid folly, if there is 
 a provision for the sinner's soul. I am to dwell in eternity. 
 Is so short a life as this to be spent in providing for time? No! 
 • — Eternity succeeds it. There is infinite importance hangs 
 ypon this present moment : eternity hangs upon it. And shall I 
 trifle with iti or spend it in nonsense and vanity ? No i "Teach 
 me to number my days." Not like those who calculate every 
 thing except salvation. Shall I spend my moments in providing 
 only tor a perishing body] No ! 1 have cast up my account, (as if 
 the Psalmist had said,) and now let others do as they please. / 
 know what J have to do : I have toapply my heart unto v/isdom. 
 
 'As this is a peculiar season, let each of us look back on 
 the year that is past. J3oes it not seem like a tale that is told? 
 What lessons of humiliation does it teach us for our folly? 
 Lessons of correction also, for mistakes which we in our care- 
 lessness and inconsideration have committed. Does it not tell 
 us that this is a world of disappointment? that nothing earthly 
 is to be trusted? None but God is to be confided in, for none 
 but himself is unchangeable. Does it not furnish us with many 
 important admonitions? Have we not lost some friend that 
 tells us how short life is, and bids us be ready ? It teaches us 
 also many lessons of gratitude, for merciful preservations, for 
 many great blessings. Well therefore may we be told to pre- 
 sent ourselves "as living sacrifices." We are bid to num- 
 ber our days, that is, to \ook forward. Let us set out with faith 
 and prayer. David prays to be taught, " So teach me to num- 
 ber my days." Let us pray that the Holy Spirit may teach 
 ns — guide us — direct us. We have the same God to teach us 
 as David had. Let us then, unlike the foolish of the world, be 
 looking, and going forward.'' 
 
76 ME3I0IRS OF 31RS. HAWKES. 
 
 " Grant, O Thou, into whose cracious hands I am enabled 
 to commit my soul, that I may not rest with notions of Christ 
 in my head, but that he may take up his dwelling in my heart 
 by faith. Let me not only be pleased to hear of him, but inti- 
 mately and solidly know liim for myself, and not for another. 
 Let the form of godliness, without the power, be my continual 
 dread. Let me take heed that I do not rest in any duties per- 
 formed ; but rather see them as splendid sins if they do not 
 bring Christ to my soul. Let me value no teaching unless it 
 be accompanied by the teaching of the Holy Spirit, which alone 
 can make it effectual. In great mercy forbid that I sliould 
 loose God in his gifts. Though gifts are precious, they are 
 useless and dead if Christ be not in them. I can truly say, I 
 have not any trust, nor any comfort, save in the merits and 
 blood of Jesus Christ : nor dare 1 look at my most holy things, 
 but as they are sprinkled and washed in the blessed fountain 
 open for sin and uncleanness. 
 
 "'If thou, Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, O Lord, who 
 should stand] But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou 
 mayest be feared.' Oh that my many infirmities of late may 
 rouse me to greater diligence ! I would walk with such a de- 
 vout and holy circumspection as though there were no blessed 
 fountain open for sin and uncleanness; and I would, at the 
 same time, depend so entirely upon the blessed atonement, as 
 to have no confidence in thefiesh.^^ 
 
 Feb. 12 " This morning I was favoured by a call from my 
 
 honoured minister, who, in the kindest manner, gave me the 
 most wholesome advice, which sunk deeply into my heart. 
 Tliero are indeed many peculiar circumstances belonging to 
 the subject upon which he spoke, to which he is an entire stran- 
 ger: but all he said was highly just and proper; and will, I 
 trust, teach me more than ever to turn mine eyes icithin, where 
 there is work enough to do. The approbation of man, in 
 many instances, cannot be obtained. But, oh, that I may 
 have the testimony of a good conscience before God! A se- 
 cret consciousness that I have done as much as human imper- 
 fection can do. Alas ! this is not the case at present. Lord 
 help me !" 
 
 From close observation on mankind, and extensive know- 
 ledge of the world, no person was more alive than Mr. Cecil, 
 to the deep and intricate perplexities often connected with fami- 
 ly affairs; and it must be acknowledged, that the trials which 
 Mrs. Hawkes experienced were unusually severe. To her 
 especially, the expressive sentence might apply, " the heart 
 
CHAP. III. — FR03r A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 77 
 
 knowelh its own bitterness:" and in Mr. Cecil's manner of 
 treating Mrs. Hawkes's case, is discovered the wise and cau- 
 tious spiritual physician, who a[)plies his remedy, not to the 
 sickly apprehensions of the patient, but according to the real, 
 present, spiritual malady of the afflicted. But the reader will 
 gain, from the following letter, written by Mrs. Hawkes, some 
 years after, to a Christian friend in a school of like affliction, 
 further light upon that severe and perplexing dispensation, 
 which caused her to feel the insufficiency of even the wisest 
 and kindest counsellors. 
 
 To Uys. . 
 
 " My dear Friend. — I thank you very affectionately for 
 your sympathy in, and kind participation of my sorrows and 
 afflictions. I have reason to be unfeignedly thankful that my 
 bitter cup is mixed with many mercies ; and among the rest, 
 is that of love and Christian friendship, with which few have 
 been so largely favoured. With respect to my various trials, 
 I wish by no means to aggravate them by minute detail. Ma- 
 ny, and many, far beyond me in Christian progress, have far 
 heavier afflictions, with certainly less mitigation and fewer 
 comforts. My visitations are lighter than I deserve. Yet you 
 must allow me to correct some parts of your statement, with 
 respect to my present painful dispensation. You observe, that 
 while my bodily sufTerings are heavy, 1 am excused from many- 
 pangs that frequently fill your heart with anguish, from a quar- 
 ter with which your weal or woe is inseperably connected. 
 Perhaps you will wonder when I assure you, that from the 
 very same source has arisen my severest grief; and all my 
 bodily pain, weakness, and constant oppression — all my change 
 of circumstances and loss of outward comforts — is compara- 
 tively nothing to the load on my heart, occasioned by my ac- 
 cumulated affliction, in that near connexion of which you speak. 
 * * * * 
 
 If ever I had a wish dearer to me than another, it was that I 
 might not only share the happiness of that relation, but also 
 exert all my best faculties to (ill up its high duties. If I am 
 not mistaken, I could have borne great hardships, many de- 
 privations, and other evils, with an affection which would have 
 made them light and easy. 1 desire however to cast no blame 
 save on myself. I am only now corrected for the wayward 
 sins of my younger years ; I was headstrong, self-willed^ and 
 precipitate. 
 
 " 1 will not venture to sav that I have done the best I could 
 7* 
 
78 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 in this connexion, f look back and reflect with sorrow, (as I 
 suppose most others do in taking a retrospect of the past,) 
 upon many errors, on occasions in which, with my present ad- 
 vanced experience, I miglit have acted more wisely. 1 am 
 thankful that, keen as is my disappointment and grief, I feel 
 no sort of disposition to accuse, or to harbour displeasure; 
 much less for any unforgiving temper. I am enabled to look 
 above second causes ; and to see my painful humiliating dispen- 
 sation, to be a dispensation full of wisdom and mercy. I have 
 ever been disposed to wind every thing I love about my heart 
 with a thousand strings ; and I verily think, had the same endear- 
 ing attachments been granted me that are to some, I should have 
 been buried in my inordinate aflJection to them. Therefore, 
 my dear friend, I can truly say, through infinite mercy, and 
 the help of all-sufficient grace, that although my heart must 
 ever bleed with its own secret sorrows, and in a way that none 
 can know but myself, yet so unspeakably great are the bles- 
 sings conveyed to my soul through my various afflictions, that 
 I am not only fully satisfied, but humbly and heartily thank 
 my heavenly Father for all his dealings with me, and all his 
 merciful chastisements : by means of which, through the 
 sanctifying influences of the Holy Spirit, my heart is weaned 
 from earth ; is made to seek and find all its health, happiness, 
 and security in God; to endure 'as seeing him who is invisi- 
 ble ;' and to look and long for that glorious city, where there 
 shall be no more sorrow nor sin. 
 
 " Pardon me for such a long preamble about my unworthy 
 insignificant self, which I have entered into, partly to prove 
 that I can sympathize in your particular trials more than you 
 are aware ; but more especially, to bear testimony to the foith- 
 ful covenant-keeping Jehovah, who condescends to pour forth 
 his promised blessings into my soul, so as to make me count 
 these days of suffering, my best days. I am, indeed, almost 
 a prisoner, but I am the Lord's prisoner, filled with hope, and 
 kept in peace. My sufferings abound ; but praised be his name, 
 my consolations also abound; and my joy is in Him, who is 
 ' the chiefest among ten thousand, and altogether lovely.'" 
 
 After a digression which seemed needful to throw light on 
 the subject of Mrs. Hav.'kes's afflictions, we return to Holloway, 
 where we find her suff'ering one of the inconveniences incident 
 to persons in her circumstances, — the necessity of associating 
 with worldly company. 
 
 Saturday. — " So much engaged this day, owing to the un- 
 expected arrival of certain friends, as to be scarcely able to 
 
CHAP. Ill FR03I A. D. 1700 TO 1796. 79 
 
 read, much less to write. Greatly tried with my servants : 
 surely the enemy stirreth up their minds to mischief! O that 
 I may he enabled to say with the Psalmist, ' I will behave my. 
 self wisely in a perfect way ; I will set no wicked thing before 
 mine eyes ; I hate the work of them that turn aside.' "° 
 
 The following letter from Mrs. Jones leads to the discove- 
 ry that these visitors at Holloway, were persons very uncon- 
 genial to Mrs. Hawkes's religious habits and feelings. She 
 writes, — 
 
 " 1 can anticipate your feelings, my dear sister, on the ar- 
 rival of your present visitors. But you have no choice in it : 
 their coming is quite unsolicited, and it must be considered as 
 occurring in the order of providence. If you were assured 
 that you would be able to say and do all that your heart 
 wishes, you would exult in the opportunity. But there is not 
 a single day that you can do this even in the most spiritual 
 company ; and a little done in such a case is better than 
 nothing. There is also a spirit and sympathy that is felt by 
 others, even when no words are spoken. It is a great thin^ 
 to have persons brought under the ministration of the word • 
 and God, who worketh all in all, appointeth wavs and means 
 according as it pleaseth him. Your times of private reading 
 and meditation will be interrupted : but your union with Christ 
 is still the same, though the sweet intercourse is broken in 
 upon ; and this makes the sacrifice you offer the more valua- 
 ble. This matter appears to be the will of God ; and whether 
 It is intended for their profit, or your trial, will be seen in a 
 future day. It is no small exercise for your faith now. May 
 Christ himself make good his own word, and keep you from 
 painful carefulness. You know from your former experience 
 how he has kept you, by his mighty power, from the things 
 you have most feared. If the increase of the knowledge and 
 love of God IS to come through faith, there must needs be dif- 
 ficulties to form our trials; and there must needs be comincr 
 short of our desires from the weakness of our nature- this 
 throws us upon mercy, and sinks us to the dust in humiliation'! 
 Ihe first time I came to see you, after you were married, and 
 spent a great deal of time in going about with you from place 
 to place, it often came into my mind, ' What doest thou here''" 
 But God inclined your heart, at that time, to go with me to 
 hear the Gospel of the kingdom, and set before vou an open 
 
80 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 door. I pray that God may meet your present visitors where 
 he met you; and then you will gladly make sacrifice of your 
 comforts. O for that faiih that would meet the will of God in 
 every thing ! The commands which have the harshest sound, 
 such as ' deny thyself,' — ' take up thy cross,' are pleasant in 
 experience, because of the help afforded ; and because the 
 Christian fixes his eye upon the recompense of reward. 
 
 " Retirement has its advantages, and society has its advan- 
 tages also. Mutual love and forbearance, are called forth as 
 essential exercises, which strengthen and invigorate the racer. 
 The frivolity of the society in general is an argument for se- 
 clusion : but this practice is not according to the ' more excel- 
 lent way.' 1 am, however, sorry when Christians deem com- 
 pany essential to their happiness. Many people here invite me 
 to spend a day with them. That phrase always strikes me 
 with alarm — Spend a day ! My sand is nearly run ; 1 have 
 not many more days to live; and shall I spend a day in idle- 
 ness 1 — No, my days are every one engaged ; I have not one 
 left to throw away. We have so much to thank God for, so 
 much to love him for, and so much to ask him for, that, to- 
 gether with those duties immediately connected with our call- 
 ing, and the kindness to be administered to Christ's suffering 
 members, the business of our lives is already arranged, and 
 the time is too short for the work we have to do. 
 
 " The children of this world reprove our negligence in spiri- 
 tual pursuits. Nothing can divert them from earnestness and 
 assiduity. But alas, we are loiterers ; turned aside by a thou- 
 sand frivolities. May we have grace to press forward." 
 
 Besides the benefit and consolation which Mrs. Hawkes de- 
 rived from her attendance at St. John's Chapel, on Sundays, 
 and at Long Acre, on Wednesday evenings, she took delight 
 in attending a service held at six o'clock, on the Sunday morn- 
 ings, at Lothbury, where Mr. Cecil was the alternate preacher. 
 In her next memorandum she expresses her regret, on account 
 of a temporary deprivation of this opportunity. 
 
 Sunday. — " I am sorry Lothbury is shut up. It was plea- 
 sant and refreshing when I could go there and wait upon God 
 early in the morning. But blessed be his name, he is to be 
 found in the secret chamber, as I have experienced this day. 
 Heard J\Ir. C. from 1 Cor. ii. 9. ' Eye hath not seen nor ear 
 heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things 
 which God has prepared for them that love him.' 
 
 " A most animating discourse, describing the rich provision 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 to 1796. 81 
 
 which God has condescended to make, both here and hereaf- 
 ter, for them that love him ; with the great and expensive pre- 
 paration. To have a just idea of the preparation, we must 
 take a view of the cost. How dearly purchased ! even at the 
 amazing expense of the precious blood of Christ, which is of 
 more worth than a thousand worlds, or millions of gold and 
 silver. But 1 must not mangle and deform this Sermon by at- 
 tempting to describe it. Lord write it upon the tablet of my 
 heart ! and let it encourage, and strengthen, and quicken me, 
 so that I may go on my way rejoicing"" 
 
 Wednesday — " Much engaged with friends ; unwell in 
 body ; and fatigued in mind. When shall I be so happy as to 
 get spiritual good out of every rising occurrence. Oh for 
 retirement and quiet, which has now so long been inter- 
 rupted ! 
 
 " Heard Mr. C. at Long Acre, from 1 Kings xix. 19, 20. 
 ' So he departed thence, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, 
 who was ploughing with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and 
 he with the twelfth, and Elijah passed by him, and cast his 
 mantle upon him,' (which was customary in those days as a 
 sign of love, protection, or favour.) This discourse tended to 
 prove that one duty is not to be set up on the ruins of another. 
 We are to be diligent in our calling, yet fervent in spirit, serv- 
 ing the Lord. My soul was delighted and enriched! Lord 
 engraft it inwardly in my heart ! 
 
 Thursday. — " Still greatly tried with my servants — tempted 
 to impatience and peevishness. Oh when shall I be filled with 
 the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentle- 
 ness, goodness, faith, meekness ! Shame belongs to me this 
 day. Lord, in mercy sprinkle clean water upon me, and 1 
 shall be cleansed ! 
 
 " The more we are surrounded and encumbered with cares 
 and ditiiculties, the offener shoLvld we endeavour to break away, 
 and retire into the spirit of meditation and prayer." 
 
 Friday — " Still engaged with friends and visitors. Very 
 unwell in body; my mind stupid and uncomfortable ; much 
 oppressed by domestic cares and sorrows. 
 
 " Oh that I could more attend to the apostle's admonition, 
 'Add to your knowledge, temperance; and to temperance, pa- 
 tience ; and to patience, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly 
 kindness; and to brotherly kindness, charity, or love.' 
 
 " 'Christian temperance,' says Mr. Wesley, 'extends to all 
 things, inward as well as outward ; to the due government of 
 
82 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 every thought and afiection. Sour godhness, so called, is of 
 the devil. Of true Christian godliness it may be said, 
 
 'MilJ, sweet, serene, and tender in her mood, 
 Nor grave from sternness, nor from lightness free : 
 Against example resolutely good, 
 Fervent in zeal, and warm in charity.' " 
 
 Saturday. — " Much engaged in domestic matters ; but little 
 time for retirement ; some ^q.\y comfortable seasons. Felt a 
 want of patience with A. C. because of her instability ; but 
 was soon enabled to recollect what a predominant feature that 
 formerly was in my own character. 1 have only to think of 
 my own innumerable failings, and then I cannot be uncharitable 
 to those of others. 
 
 " jMr. C. remarked lately, 
 
 ' The danger of too much solitude, is, lest the mind, deeply 
 and religiously impressed, should mistake the workings of the 
 imagination for the teaching of the Spirit. See the mistakes 
 concerning abstraction in some of the mystics.' 
 
 " 'Lord, let me be changed into thine image and likeness,' 
 is a comprehensive prayer ; and a prayer, my lips, (and, I 
 trust, my heart) often utter. But what does it mean? Am I 
 to obtain the image of Christ by falling into a, perhaps favoured, 
 silent contemplation, as if 1 had nothing to do but wait in pas- 
 sive, (well if not indolent,) expectation of an effect to be pro- 
 duced by some sudden, and resistless visitation from heaven ; 
 some mystical influence, working with all the omnipotence of 
 a charm, on my passive heart? have I nothing to do but wait 
 silently, and without co-operation? [s not this the way of the 
 mystics? A way, which may, perhaps, be good as far as it 
 goes; but stopping short with a part, instead of combining a 
 whole. What then is to be added ? To have the image of 
 Christ, is practically to say, in our measure, as he said, ' I came 
 not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.' It 
 is, when an occasion of self-denial, and taking up our cross is 
 presented, — to take up our cross, and to be self denying. It 
 is, in the very midst of contradiction and reviling, to be meek 
 and low'ly, and forgiving, as he was. Jt is, to disregard all 
 earthly splendour, either of riches, or talent, and to be ' poor in 
 spirit.' It is, to have the graces of the Spirit in exercise. 
 Alas I I am ashamed ; ' If thou. Lord, shouldest mark iniqui- 
 ties, O Lord, who shall stand ? ' Surely I need the furnace to 
 be seven times heated, before my corrupt heart is sanctified, 
 and cast into the mould of the Gospel." 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 83 
 
 Wednesday — " Heard Mr. C. at Long Acre, from 2 Kings 
 ii. 9, 10, 'And it came to pass when they were gone over, 
 that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what 1 shall do for thee, be- 
 fore 1 be taken away from ihee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, 
 let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me. And he said, 
 Thou hast asked a hard thing ; nevertheless, if thou see me 
 when I am taken away from thee, it shall be so unto thee; 
 but if not, it shall not be so.' 
 
 *' Mr. C. remarked, — 
 
 * The Christian should be meeting God daily in retirement, 
 and attending daily to the duties of religion. You see here, 
 that though Elijah knew he was to be taken up to heaven that 
 day, he did not set it apart for any particular acts of devotion. 
 Some would have said, that when such a great change as from 
 earth to heaven was to take place, the whole day, at least, 
 should have been set apart for prayer; that when God did 
 come, he should have found the prophet on his knees. But 
 the best way of being prepared to meet God, is by a continual 
 practice of religion, and an uninterrupted adherence to his 
 commands; and then we shall be alwat/s Yea.dy. You are 
 not to shut yourselves up in a monastery, to become hermits, 
 to be always going upon the mount ; but your heart and life, 
 in every situation, in every occupation, is to be devoted to God. 
 
 *''Ask what 1 shall 1 do for thee," &c., and Elisha said, 
 " let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me." Here is a 
 noble request. He did not ask for fame, riches, or honour. 
 "And Elijah said, thou hast asked a hard thing." By this 
 expression must be understood a ^^reat thing : as if he had 
 said, thou hast not made a trifling request, but hast asked nobly, 
 largely; and it is what I cannot promise, because I cannot 
 give it thee ; it must come from God. I did not give it to my- 
 self; therefore I can only pray that thou mayest have it. But 
 this shall be a sign, — if thou see me when 1 am taken away, 
 it shall be so. As if he had said, if God giv:^ thee the strength 
 to look upon this bright vision, if it please him to open thine 
 eyes to «ee me go away ; — it will please him also to give thee 
 thy petition : but if thou see me not, it shall not be so. If^ it 
 is not the will of God that thou shouldest have it, he will not 
 enable thee to see me. 
 
 ^ ' Hence we may learn, that every thing cometh from God. 
 Even this great prophet, who was so peculiarly honoured of 
 God, could not make Elisha any promise as from himself. 
 No more can the ministers of the Gospel, bestow any thing on 
 
84 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 the hearers, of themselves. We can warn ; we can declare to 
 you the glorious mysteries of the Gospel ; we can point out 
 the way ; we can pray for you ; but we can do no more; the 
 rest must come from God. It is he who must work in you to 
 will and to do of his own good pleasure. O then be like Elisha ; 
 seek the blessing. It is remarkable that Elijah three times de- 
 sired Elisha to stay behind ; but he had niade up his mind ; 
 he was resolved to be profited by his glorious example to 
 the last. He resolutely refused to leave him ; — "As the Lord 
 liveth, and as thy soul liveth, 1 will not leave thee." Let me 
 recommend the same spirit to you, my brethren. Be resolute 
 in keeping close to God, — close to his people. When tempta- 
 tions and difficulties come upon you, still, like Elisha, be not 
 persuaded to stay behind. The world will entice you; — your 
 ungodly friends may laugh at you ; — your own evil heart will 
 dispose you to slay from God, and from his house ; but still 
 say, like Elisha, I will not leave thee. I will seek God's Holy 
 Spirit. And remember, that for your encouragement, you 
 have a sure promise, ' He will give his Holy Spirit to them 
 that ask it.' " 
 
 March 10. — "All the last week I have been confined to my 
 room by severe illness. But I desire not to be caretul about 
 my bodily sufferings ; it matters not, so that my Saviour is 
 with me; His presence is better than ease, better than life it- 
 self. 
 
 * Welcome weariness and pain, 
 
 Pledges of relief and ease ! 
 
 Loss of strength to me is gain, 
 
 Let my wretched days decrease ! 
 
 All my days shall soon be past, 
 
 Pain and grief shall bring the last !'" 
 
 Aj)ril 16. Mem.—'-'' Forgetfulness will always be a cause of 
 chastisement. So I have found it this day in a painful lesson. 
 I would however pray more earnestly to be strengthened and 
 confirmed in my hold in Christ, that he would in mercy keep 
 my faith from being shaken. I have sustained much loss 
 through unwatchfulness. 'In the multitude of words there 
 wanteth not sin ; but he that refraineth his lips is wise.' I 
 would desire to look back upon what is past and enquire, 'have 
 I not sometimes trusted too much to my own faith, and clear- 
 ness of evidence, rather than to Christ, who is the same, yester- 
 day, to-day and for ever V Let me examine my own heart more 
 humbly upon this point; and watch more unto prayer. 1 am 
 yet in an enemy's land, and know not what changes I shall 
 
CHAP. III. — FROM A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 85 
 
 meet with before my warfare is over. Let not him that girdeth 
 on his harness boast himself as he that putteih it off." 
 
 About this period Mrs. Hawkes left Holloway for a short 
 time, in order to make her annual visit to her relatives at Broad 
 Marston, and its vicinity. It appears that her health had pre- 
 viously been very delicate, and her spirits particularly weak; 
 — which may account for her feeling much exhausted by a 
 journey of above a hundred miles. 
 
 Monday, April 28, 1794. Broad Marston. — "After much 
 fatigue, and many fears, 1 arrived here this evening. * Set a 
 watch, O Lord, before my mouth ; keep the door of my lips.' 
 Let me remember that wisdom shows itself in speaking just 
 enough, and not too much, and in proper time. May simpli- 
 city and sincerity guide my speech!" 
 
 Sunday, May 4. — " 'There is a river the streams whereof 
 shall make glad the city of God.' 
 
 " ' A man shall be as a hiding place from the wind, and a 
 
 covert from the tempest ; as rivers of water in a dry place.' 
 
 # ***** 
 
 " ' Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up mine eyes ; Thy faithful- 
 ness is unto all generations.'" 
 
 Wednesday, 7. — " Very ill, and in much pain : a body of 
 sin and death, with an oppressed mind, makes me groan, being 
 burdened. God be merciful to me a sinner! 'Thou desirest 
 not sacrifice^ else would I give it thee :' ' thou delightest not in 
 burnt-offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a 
 broken and contrite heart, O God, thou will not despise.'" 
 
 Sunday, 11. — " ' My soul longtheth, yea, even fainleth for 
 the courts of the Lord.' " 
 
 vP vp ^ ^ ^ ^ 
 
 " ' Should not the Shepherds feed the flocks?' 'Am 1 a God 
 at hand, saith the Lord and not a God afar off?' " 
 
 The connexion and application of these texts is written in 
 obscure short hand. But the feelings of the writer, at this 
 time deprived of her usual spiritual privileges, are clearly 
 evinced, and will be further illustrated by the concluding sen- 
 tence. 
 
 " I do indeed mourn for the want of my usual privileges. 
 But may not this be partly a device of the enemy to prevent 
 me from getting all the good I can in my present circumstan- 
 ces ? ' Watch and pray lest ye enter into temptation,' is a text 
 I need constantly to keep in mind." 
 8 
 
86 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes intending, before her return to Holloway, to 
 visit Birmingham, writes to Mrs. Jones af follows : 
 
 " 1 hope soon to gratify my longing desire to enjoy a little 
 of the society of one of the kindest and best sisters that ever 
 fell to the favoured lot of any body in this world : given me 
 through the great goodness of that gracious God and Father., 
 who whenever he afflicts, exhibits his tender mercy by the mit- 
 igation of every stroke. I must ever acknowledge with grati- 
 tude and deep humiliation, that he not only has never dealt 
 with me as my iniquities deserve; but that he has in various 
 instances, shewed me great loving kindness; and satisfied my 
 mouth with good things, — in spiritual things, good beyond all 
 calculation ! 
 
 "I have felt much earnestness to-day in prayer respecting 
 our meeting; that we may both of us Ibllow the openings of 
 providence, and that our way may be made clear. I was much 
 struck, some time since, with an observation of Mr. C.'s. — He 
 remarked, ' If we had faith we should be less preplexed in 
 many cases than we are; for our path might be made much 
 more plain. I trust if good is designed by our seeing each 
 other, it will be brought about. I cannot feel willing that this 
 Summer should pass without the desire of my heart being ac- 
 complished. In the present, as well as in a thousand other 
 instances, I fear I cannot come up to the example you set 
 me, of giving up my own will respecting it. But 1 can in this, 
 as in other cases, beg that my heavenly Father will not suffer 
 me to have the thing I long ibr, if it is not His will. I often 
 rejoice that I am in the hands of One, that will not indulge me 
 to my hurt ; and I trust that, through grace, I can acknow- 
 ledge Him good in what he denies, as well as in what he gives. 
 My heart has of late been much taken up in contemplating 
 the love of God in Christ; and greatly does it triumph and re- 
 joice therein. My views have been enlarged on the subject, 
 by two or three sermons on the Canticles, in which Mr. C. so 
 delightfully, and so spiritually, opened the character of God, 
 as a God of love. He says, believers are too narrow in their 
 thoughts, and are apt to ibrget this Divine attribute ; and thus 
 God is greatly dishonoured. Seeing him in Christ, we should 
 see nothing but a God of love, who is pleased in the prosperity 
 of his servants. Ah ! the soul-reviving sight makes me long 
 for stronger faith to comprehend more of that love of which I 
 yet have but a glimmering view. My desire is to be entirely 
 engaged in the pursuit after the knowledge of God and myself. 
 
CHAF. ill. FRO:>I A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 87 
 
 It seems to me (hat both should go together ; that holy joy 
 should be tempered by deep humiliation; and that deep humil- 
 iation should find support in holy joy. When the heart has 
 this joy, it prays with comfort : it reads the Bible as a rich heir 
 reads over the will of his father, which puts him in the posses- 
 sion of his wealth. As he reads it over, he realizes the thought, 
 
 * this is mine, and that is mine.' So the believer, as he goes 
 over the Scriptures, says, ' all is mine.' Pray for me, that I 
 may be able to say this more and more." 
 
 Shortly after, Mrs. Havvkes went to Birmingham, and dur- 
 ing her slay there, she made a visit to Mrs. Fletcher, widow 
 of the Rev. J. Fletcher, of Madeley. 
 
 The following memorandum gives some particulars of this 
 meeting. 
 
 Thursday, May 15, 1794. — " Mrs. Jones and myself set 
 out for Madeley. We had a pleasant drive, but lost much 
 time on the road, for which we suffered. We reached the 
 house of that honourable Christian, Mrs. Fletcher, about five 
 o'clock. My spirit was awed and humbled, not only by the 
 noble character of Mrs. F., but by the recollection of the sacred 
 roof under which I was. I would gladly have taken my seat 
 at the threshold of the door, for I felt vmworthy to advance any 
 further. But I was soon made to forget my wretched self, 
 my attention being turned to better subjects. While in con- 
 verse with Mrs. Fletcher, I felt that sacred influence which I 
 desire ever to feel. Glory be to our adorable Saviour, he con- 
 descended to be present with us; and my soul found it a re- 
 freshing season. Here indeed the Sun of Righteousness has 
 arisen, and seems to shine continually. Here the Lord giveth 
 rain in its season, and the souls of the inhabitants are like a 
 well-watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters 
 fail not. Here is a Christian indeed. Alas! what am I? 
 what have I been doing? Surely no more than slumbering, 
 creeping, dragging on in my heavenly journey. Lord, in 
 mercy speak unto me, that I may go forward ; and let me run 
 the race set before me. 
 
 " The first remark Mrs. Fletcher made, was on the short- 
 ness of her breath, occasioned by a complaint from which she 
 had long suffered. With an animated countenance she said, 
 
 * She often thought death could not be far distant. Some time 
 since ' she added, ' I had a dangerous illness, which my friends 
 expected would carry me off, and I began to rejoice in the be- 
 lief that it was my Lord's will I should speedily join my dear 
 friends in heaven. But my disorder taking an unexpected 
 
88 
 
 MEMOIRS or MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 turn, I perceived my time of release was not to be yet, but 
 that God would have me live a little longer; and blessed be 
 his name, I found I had no choice; I could equally embrace 
 his will either for life or death. 1 felt the will of my God like 
 unto a soft pillow, upon which I could lie down, and find rest 
 and safety in all circumstances. Oh, it is a blessed thing to 
 sink into the will of God in all things! Absolute resignation 
 to the Divine will, baffles a thousand temptations; and confi- 
 dence in our Saviour, carries us sweetly through a thousand 
 trials. I find it good to be in the balance, awfully weighed 
 every day, for life or death.' 
 
 " She then gave us a wonderful and pleasing account of the 
 Rev. Melville Home, and read a letter with a history of his 
 voyage to the New Settlement — the storms and dangers he 
 and his wife encountered, and how astonishingly they were 
 preserved from any thing like repining, or questioning the 
 goodness and mercy of God, or his own call of duty in the 
 course lie was taking, notwithstanding the opposition he expe- 
 rienced. They had both given themselves up for lost, expect- 
 ing the next returning billow to have sunk the ship; and they 
 were waiting and looking for death, not only with composure, 
 but in a spirit of rejoicing : a strong evidence of great faith, 
 especially when all the circumstances were considered. ' Who 
 is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of 
 his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? Let 
 him trust in the name of ihe Lord, and stay upon his God.' 
 Mrs. F. remarked, 'Then is failh the strongest, when it can 
 lay hold on God at the time every thing seems to go against 
 us ; when the way is hedged up with thorns, or, as Habakkuk 
 expresses it, ' Although the fig-tree shall not blossom.' Lord 
 increase my faith ! 
 
 " Speaking of the diseases of my own heart, she replied, 
 ' Come to Jesus ! ' adding, ' I feel sometimes as though all I 
 had to say to every body was, Come to Jesus ! don't be kept 
 back ; if you feel you have done amiss, and have received 
 wounds, where can vou wo but to Jesus 1 He has every thing 
 to give that you can want. In every circumstance, in every 
 situation, come freely to your Saviour ! ' But my treacherous 
 memory will not retain the encouraging, inviting, persuasive 
 expressions she here made use of. O Thou, who alone teach- 
 est to profit, write them upon my heart, and bring them to my 
 remembrance when they will be most useful. 
 
 "After our dear Mrs. Fletcher had prayed with us, we 
 parted. Three such hours I have not spent for a long season. 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 89 
 
 I esteem this interview as one of my choicest favours. Oh that 
 I may be the better for it ! 
 
 "Among other things she related a dream which had been 
 made useful to one who had grown negligent and slothful in 
 the ways of God. ^ 
 
 " Went to the Dale to sleep. A most beautiful and enchant- 
 ing place, abounding with the wonders of nature: but no sight 
 in this world can be half so animating and astonishing, or so 
 beautiful, as that of a true Christian — a new creature — an 
 image of him in whom all the nations of the earth are blessed; 
 a proof of what Divine grace can do." 
 
 Holloway, May 17, 1794. — " Returned to town, accom- 
 panied by my dear sister Jones. ' Bless the Lord, O my soul, 
 and forget not all his benefits : who forgiveth all thine iniqui- 
 ties, who healeth all thy diseases ; who redeemeth thy life from 
 destruction; who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and ten- 
 der mercies.' " 
 
 Sunday, 18. — "Went with Mrs. Jones to hear Mr. Scott, 
 who preached from Acts xx. 24. Under his discourse, my 
 mind was strengthened, enlivened, calmed, and comforted." 
 
 Saturday, 24. — " Mrs. Jones left me. The loss of her so- 
 ciety makes me feel an aching void which no one can fill. 
 Her kindness and sympathy were so cheering, and her Chris- 
 tian converse so animating. Lord enable me to look to thee ! 
 Let me ever rejoice in the security of thy friendship. Enable 
 me to walk with thee; and O, do thou graciously walk with 
 me; not only when thou makest thy sun to shine on my path, 
 but when the storms beat hard." 
 
 Sunday, May 25.—" Heard Mr. C. from 2 Cor. i. 9. ' But 
 we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not 
 trust in ourselves, but in God who raiseth the dead.' 
 
 ' To have this truth brought home to the heart, to feel there 
 is no help in man — " Cursed is the man that trusteth in man" 
 — and that health, strength, and wealth are in themselves but 
 
 1 The reader needs scarcely to be reminded, that the word of God is 
 the only rule by which to judge of our present state, or future prospects. 
 A doctrine, however suggested, whether it be by the counsel of a friend, 
 or a dream of the night, is only so far to be regarded as it agrees with 
 the ' laiv and the testimony.^ The virgins in the parable slumbered and 
 slept, but having oil in their vessels, they rose and trimmed them, though 
 it was midnight. Such is the earnest and lively preparation for eternity, 
 to which a bed of sickness, or any other rousing consideration, is some- 
 times, under the influence of Divine grace, rendered subservient. 
 8* 
 
90 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 vanity ; to feel every moment, that there is in every thing a 
 sentence of death, is a lesson not learnt in a day. 
 
 « There needs many a stroke to detatch us from such props 
 as God declares will break down ; and to teach us effectually 
 not to trust in ourselves, nor in others, but in God, who is a 
 faithful, promise-keeping God ; to teach us, tliat when there is 
 no truth nor goodness in man, there is all in God, in whom we 
 may put our whole trust. Thus did Abraham, when he was 
 called to slay Isaac. 
 
 ' The poet, and the mourner, acknowledge the sentence, and 
 then think no more about it : but the Christian has a sanctified 
 teaching of it : he learns it practically. God takes his pro- 
 perty, his faculties, or what he holds dear, and by it he says, 
 look away from all to me: hear my voice, which is the voice 
 of a Father, calling you to trust where alone you cannot be 
 disappointed. 
 
 ' God teaches us we have death within and without. He 
 writes upon all, " Dead, dead, dead." He will seem sometimes 
 to press us almost beyond measure, and bring us to our wits' 
 end; and this is to make religion something more than mere 
 talk ; and also to destroy our self-confidence, the greatest of 
 all idols. 
 
 ' When a Christian begins to forget his profession, God will 
 come in some providential dispensation, saying, " Get thee 
 out;" a sentence of death is past, there is nothing here to rest 
 upon ; look higher than earth. God knows that is best for a 
 man which is best for his soul, and which shall profit him ages 
 hence. 
 
 'We should consider, if we are under any painful dispen- 
 sation, that it may be in answer to our own prayers ; we have 
 been asking of God that we may be pilgrims indeed; and he 
 has answered us by giving us " not so much as to set the sole 
 of our foot upon." 
 
 ' While there is a sentence of death on the one hand, the 
 Devil would bring a sentence of despair on the other ; but the 
 believer has still a lively hope in Christ Jesus; he has got the 
 prison doors open, and the king's hand signed to his pardon ; 
 and his trust is " in God that raiseth the dead." 
 
 * A Christian does not recoil and sink into melancholy, be- 
 cause he sees and feels the sentence of death on every side ; 
 for he is taught by faith to hear the proclamation of the Gospel, 
 and to close in with it. He says, " He hath made with me an 
 everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure ; for this 
 is all my salvation, and all my desire." 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 to 1796. 91 
 
 < God deals with us by dispensations ; and whatever is in 
 the world, the family, the church, or in our own experience, is 
 to be found in the Bible beforehand. God's chastisements dif- 
 fer from his judgments ; as how severe soever they may be, 
 still a believer, if he looks closely, will find mercy mixed with 
 every stroke. It is " in measure ; when he sendeth it forth, he 
 debateth with it." He does not send afflictions by accident, nor 
 in passion. It is the dealing of a perfect being, contending with 
 the heart, and telling us, He is a Holy and jealous God ; that 
 he trieth the reins ; and that though we may think all is very 
 well, and we are safe, and there is nothing amiss, yet his pure 
 eye discovers much that lies latent in the soul, and it must be 
 brought out. An east wind must blow either upon the pro- 
 perty, upon the family, or upon some beloved object; and the 
 fruit of it is to " take away sin." We must be taught that 
 there is a sentence of death, and learn to live to God.' " 
 
 Soon after Mrs. Hawkes returned to Holloway, a dispensa- 
 tion opened upon her, to which her affectionate heart was pe- 
 culiarly prepared to respond. It was one effect of her personal 
 sorrows, under Divine grace, to produce in her a tender sym- 
 pathy with all the sons and daughters of affliction; a sympa- 
 thy which was particularly drawn out in her intercourse with 
 the family of the Rev. R. Cecil. The acquaintance between 
 Mrs. Hawkes and Mrs. Cecil, had now grown into an unre- 
 served and intimate friendship ; and in the bonds of Christian 
 love they were so united, that one member could neither suffer 
 nor rejoice without the other. It ma}^ therefore easily be con- 
 ceived how deeply Mrs. Hawkes must have felt, the sudden and 
 alarming illness, with which Mrs. Cecil was at this time visit- 
 ed ; especially as this stroke followed almost immediately up- 
 on another — the death of a beloved child in that family — a boy 
 of four years old, of great interest and promise. A reference 
 to Mrs. Hawkes's diary will best show, how ready she was on 
 this occasion, to comply with that Scripture precept, " weep 
 with them that weep." 
 
 Wednesday, May 28, 1794. — " Another painful visitation 
 in the house of the man of God ! What a solemn season ! Af- 
 fliction seems to come upon affliction. All my sorrowful sym- 
 pathies are called out to the uttermost. O Thou, who, as a 
 father, pitiest thy children, inspire and hear prayer on this oc- 
 casion ! 'O let the sighing of the prisoner come before thee; 
 according to the greatness of thy power, preserve thou those 
 that are appointed to die !' " 
 
 Thursday^ May 29. — " As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so 
 
92 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 is good news to an anxious mind. ' If ye shall ask anything 
 in my name, I will do it.' 
 
 Friday, May 30. — " Clouds return again ! Doleful tidings 
 from Litile James Street! Tears are my meet and drink; 
 wherever I go, I seem to carry the dear sufferer in my arms, 
 crying, Lord, visit her with thy healing power. 'Affliction 
 Cometh not forth of the dust, neither doth trouble spring out of 
 the ground.' ' The Lord doth not willingly afflict.' While 
 this cloud lasts, 1 will get me upon my watch tower; 1 will 
 also intreat that he would awake during the storm, and say, 
 ' Peace be still ;' for at his mighty word of power, the winds 
 and waves shall obey." 
 
 The same day Mrs. Havvkes received the lollowing note 
 from Mr. Cecil : — 
 
 "Mr. Cecil's kindest regards to Mrs. Hawkes, and hopes 
 he can say that Mrs. C. is rather better. Dr. Reynolds and 
 Dr. Underwood met last night, and gave him hopes of her 
 recovery : but while such alarming symptoms remain, he 
 stands like Jacob, ' greatly afraid and distressed for the mother 
 with the children.' Thanks be to God, that the grand concern 
 is liable to no such change, and that the present is under a per- 
 fect and gracious direction." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's diary here furnishes an account of that in- 
 terview with Mr. Cecil, the particulars of which, were by her 
 permission, inserted by the Rev. Josiah Pratt, in his personal 
 character of Mr. Cecil. ^ 
 
 Saturday, May 31, 1794. — "Venturing to call on Mr. 
 Cecil this morning, to enquire after Mrs. Cecil, I found he 
 had given orders that no one should see him. But my great 
 anxiety for Mrs. C. being well known I was, as a parti- 
 cular favour, admitted into the study, — where 1 found Mr. 
 Cecil sitting over his Bible, in great sorrow. He said the 
 physicians gave him next to no hope. His tears fell so fast, 
 that he could utter only broken sentences. Every look and 
 every word was solemnity itself. He said, ' Christians do 
 well to speak of the grace, love, and goodness of God ; but 
 we must also remember, he is a holy and a jealous God. 
 Judgment must begin at the house of God. This severe 
 stroke is only a further call to me, to arise and shake my- 
 self. My hope is still firm in God. He who sends the stroke, 
 will bear me up under it : and I have no doubt but if I 
 
 1 See Cecifs Works, Vol. i p. 143. First Edition. 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 93 
 
 saw the whole of what God is doing, I should say, " Let her 
 be taken." Yet, while there is life, I cannot help saying, 
 *' Spare her another year, that I may be a little prepared for 
 her loss." 1 know I have higher ground for connfort ; but I 
 shall deeply feel the taking away of the dying lamp. Her ex- 
 cellence as a wife, and a mother, I am obliged to keep out of 
 sight, or I should be overwhelmed. All I can do, is to go 
 from text to text, as a bird from spray to spray. Our Lord 
 said to his disciples, " where is your faith?" God has given 
 her to be my comfort these many years, and shall I not trust 
 him for the future? This is only a further and more expen- 
 sive education for the work of the ministry ; it is but saying 
 more closely. Will you pay the price? If she should die, I 
 shall request all my friends never once to mention her name 
 to me. 1 can gather no help from what is called friendly con- 
 dolence. Job's friends understood grief better, when they sat 
 down and spake not a word." 
 
 Tuesday, June 3. — " Thank God for a ray of hope ; still 
 many fears: I will cry mightily unto God." 
 
 Wednesday, 4. — " ' Hope thou in God,' (see 1 Kings xiii. 
 6.) He has only to speak the word, ' I will, be thou whole,' 
 and it shall be done. ' Unto Thee lift I up mine eyes, O thou 
 that dwellest in the heavens,' — 'Do thou it, for thy name's 
 sake.' " 
 
 On this affecting occasion Mrs. .Tones M^rote to Mrs. Hawkes 
 as follows : — 
 
 " Your letter, my dear Sister, informing me of the very dan- 
 gerous illness of Mrs. Cecil, has filled me with grief. 1 am 
 distressed for the man of God. No doubt prayer is offered in 
 the churches without ceasing. But though the sentence of 
 death may be already passed upon her, yet he who raises the 
 dead can raise her up again : therefore pray on. May God be 
 abundantly gracious to them both, and cause his loving-kind- 
 ness to appear on their behalf. But if her release is at hand, 
 let us turn our eyes to the brighter side, and view her received 
 into the mansions of blessedness ; exchanging pain and weari- 
 ness for glory and immortality ! Could we see the glory that 
 is revealed when the everlasting doors are opened to admit an 
 heir of heaven, our sighs and tears would be changed to hal- 
 lelujahs ! Yet the sight might perhaps, be too strong for us 
 in this state of probation. What views had good Mr. Fletcher 
 when, in his last moments, he called out to those about him, 
 * Shout, shout — 1 want to hear vou shout that " God is love.'''' 
 
94 :)iejIoirs of mrs. iiavvkes. 
 
 "I cannot fear for the man of God, whose loss however will 
 be unspeakable heavy. No, the Lord will strengthen him 
 that he fiiint not. The grace of submission to providential dis- 
 pensations, is exclusively the gift of God. Wjjen the mighty 
 power of faith turns our eyes from the things that are seen to 
 the things that are not seen, we can trust God for ourselves 
 and others. Hitherto I have been enabled to trust God more 
 for myself than my friends: but I have always found him a 
 sustainer in extremity. However this alliiction may terminate, 
 it will assuredly work for good. In the mean tinie, we must 
 rest on the anchor of hope." 
 
 It pleased God to hear the earnest and united supplications 
 which were offered on this occasion, and soon to restore Mrs. 
 Cecil to a state of convalescence. Shortly after, Mrs. Hawkes 
 received from her beloved invalid friend, the following note, 
 which she ever after preserved as an interesting memorial. 
 
 " My dear Sister, and dearest Friend, — I cannot write, and 
 therefore I beg Mr. Cecil to put down a few words. I have 
 been shaken mightily ; yet hope, though but a reed, to be 
 stronger when the blast is over. I know it will afford you 
 comfort to hear, that the Physicians have pronounced me radi- 
 cally better to-day. It is impossible for me to express my 
 sense of your kindness, and I should certainly accept of what 
 you so kindly propose, if it were necessary ; and whenever I 
 find it is, you shall know. 
 
 " I wish exceedingly to retain the benefit of your prayers ; 
 but charge you to refrain from oppressing me with your tears, 
 And remain, with the tenderest afiection, and gratitude, 
 lours in our common Lord, 
 
 J. Cecil." 
 
 On the following Sunday, June 8, 1794, Mr. Cecil preached 
 a sermon from Eccles. vii. 2. On the advantages of the 
 HOUSE OF MOURNING, which may be seen among his printed 
 sermons. 
 
 The following passage in Mrs. Hawkes's diary alludes to 
 Mrs. Cecil's recovery, — 
 
 Wednesday 11. — " ' God is the Lord who has showed us 
 light ! ' ' O thou that hearest prayer, unto thee shall all flesh 
 come.' May this occasion confirm my faith in God, as a 
 prayer-hearing. and answering God. Through all impediments 
 and infirmities, may my requests be made known unto God ; 
 and may every trial, temptation and difficulty, forward, rather 
 than hinder, my application to him." 
 
CHAP. III. — FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 95 
 
 ■■ The impressions made on Mr. Cecirs mind by the late visi- 
 tation, are thus described in a letter from Mrs. Flawkes to Mrs. 
 Jones. 
 
 " I never was more glad to see Mr. Burn. Our beloved pas- 
 tor much needed help. I will not attempt to tell you his late 
 sorrows, nor his present thankfulness for Mrs. C's restoration; 
 but I will tell you his weighty ivords, which, I pray God, we 
 may hide in our hearts, till they shine forth in our lives. ' I 
 most particularly request your prayers, that I may profit by 
 this season ; I have never before been led to reflections so 
 solemn. It is a peculiar time, and I dread lest I should not 
 improve it. The enemy comes in like a flood, with a thousand 
 other things ; but in the strength of the Lord I endeavour to 
 say, ' Get thee behind me Satan,' for I have no time now to 
 attend to thy malicious inventions. The Lord affords me les- 
 sons out of the furnace without being iii it. Blessed be God, 
 my soul is all ear. May instruction be sealed on my poor 
 foolish heart. 
 
 " Yesterday evening, Mr. C's conversation was truly of a kind 
 that I can only express by the Scripture phrase — " salted ivith 
 fire.'''' ' You see,' said he, ' to what expense I am put to be a 
 minister. This is a call from God to preach better, and to live 
 better; and if I do not obey it, the furnace will be made se- 
 ven-times hotter. I shall, if I am spared, make a closer attack 
 upon the conscience of my several congregations than I have 
 done. This is to tell me, in a louder voice, that every thing 
 is dying around me : it is a pruning time. " Every branch 
 that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more 
 fruit." Our fruit is crude and unripe that it scarcely deserves 
 the name of fruit, and therefore it must be pruned. A vine, 
 by the influence of the sun and rain, will cast out long shoots, 
 and presently run over the side of a house : yet the shoots are 
 wild, and there will be no fruit good for any thing, unless the 
 vine is pruned. We are calling for sun and showers, and tel- 
 ling God these will be sufficient. We wouldj have this^ and 
 escape that: but the truth is, God v^'ill have more fruit. He 
 will give it a finer j^aijowr. He will have it ripe, and there- 
 fore we must be pruned ; it is God's way and method. The 
 devil is very busy with suggestions at such a time as this ; but 
 he should not be listened to for a moment. Every hard thought 
 of God, if it is even looked at, spreads destruction : a stream of 
 fire and brimstone from hell is not so destructive as such mis- 
 givings.' Here my mind was so overwhelmed that I lost the fin- 
 
96 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ishing sentence. May what I did hear, he engraven by the 
 finger of God, the Holy Spirit, upon nny heart, as upon an ad- 
 aniant, never to be erased. Mr. C. fijrther said, ' God was 
 speaking to hinn as he was to Jacob, " Arise, go up to Bethel, 
 and dwell there." He had been hoping for a little rest at this 
 and the other period. But God says, " Go up to Bethel." It 
 is not to be had here but there. He said, ' the stroke being so 
 sudden, he was not prepared for it ; and therefore the voice out 
 of it was to he always ready.'' I much fear she is only spared 
 for this end, that he may be prepared for her removal : but 
 why should 1 fear? God is all wisdom and love, and will do 
 that which is best for all.* 
 
 " Mr. C. continued to say, ' A Christian will hear the voice 
 of God in every thing. If a cold nipping east-wind comes and 
 cuts off all his fair blossoms, chills every comfort, he enters 
 into the design, and says, by this shall mine iniquity be purged : 
 and if the east wind be sharp, still " He stayeth his rough 
 wind." The parent who has a child that must go through a 
 painful operation, will entreat the surgeon to invent the easiest 
 method for performing it. "Do not give any more pain than 
 you can help consistently with safety." " Deal gently with 
 the young man." So God saith, " I will send a keen east 
 wind, but not my rough wind ; I will put forth a blight upon 
 all his pleasant things, but there shall be no storms; that will 
 be too much." No physician ever weighed out the medicine 
 to his patient with half so much exactness, and care, as God 
 weighs out to us every trial : not one grain too much does he 
 ever permit to be put into the scale.' — But I cannot recollect 
 some of the choicest things he said. I only know, that what I 
 heard made me tremble; fori am sure there is much iniquity 
 in my heart and nature to be purged away ; and though I have 
 had a cold blighting east wind, yet I fear I must have storms 
 also, before I am purified. However, I am in the hands of per- 
 feet wisdom and perfect love, and my prayer is, to be made 
 holy ^ if by any means. ^ 
 
 " This deeply experimental discourse shows, in part what 
 the man of God has gained out of this dispensation, which, he 
 
 ' It pleased God not only to spare the life of Mrs. Cecil, at this time, 
 but also to preserve it for many years afterwards. It was her painful 
 lot to witness the dying out of that bright lamp which had illuminated 
 herself and others : and during twenty years of widowhood, her only 
 consolation was the hope of joining him in perfect day, whom she so 
 tenderly loved and honored here below. 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 97 
 
 says, he would not have been without for thousands. Indeed, 
 it IS evident, he has gained great riches by it. All is gold tiiat 
 comes to him. He says he cannot attempt to tell me what this 
 trying season has brought out. He feels like a man that has 
 been arrested, and ordered for execution, but who has obtained 
 the king's pardon. He does not expect to receive such an in- 
 dulgence again: therefore he fixes his eye like a hawk, upon 
 *Be ye ready,' stand ' with your loins girded,' be prepared to 
 part with evenj thing. He lives, he says, upon the faith that 
 removes mountains ; it is a subject he speaks upon with cau- 
 tion ; but is a great point with him. He does not know in 
 what channel God may convey the answer to prayer: it may 
 be in a way very different from what he has expected ; with 
 that he has nothing to do. Our business is, in every thing, 
 great and. small, to treat immediately with God; that is, the 
 nearest way, and then believe, nothing doubting. 
 
 " You will give me credit when 1 say, 1 would not have lost 
 all this for any sum of money." 
 
 Mrs. Jones's reply to her sister, is both beautiful, and highly 
 characteristic. She writes — 
 
 " I am truly thankful for the good tidings you have sent me 
 of our dear friend. Oh, that all the world knew more of that 
 text, ' God is love !' As to the omnipotence, omniscence, and 
 omnipresence of God, of these we can only think as 'children,' 
 but his love we may contemplate as ' fathers.' We are more 
 capable of partaking of this divine attribute than of any other, 
 and he in whom the love of God is perfected, ' dvvelleth in love.' 
 Men may talk of liberality of mind, generous principles, large- 
 ness of heart, and fine feelings, — but whatever does not derive 
 its supplies from this fountain, how pleasant soever, will be 
 faithless as a brook, which though, for a time it may cheer 
 many, yet in the burning heat and freezing cold, it will fail. 
 Love alone, 'never faileth.' It is active as the fire, patient 
 as the sun. But the apostle hath spoken of it so fully in 1 
 Cor. xiii. that ever to speak of it after him is a poor attempt. 
 Let us use what we have, and ask for more. The best way 
 to increase in this, and every other grace, is to be more in the 
 exercise of it. 
 
 " Tell dear Mrs. C, I now think I shall reach the Celestial 
 City before her, and when she hears it, I hope she will sing 
 hallelujah I 
 
 " I never hear any minister enter so deeply into the subject 
 of affliction as Mr. C. It is enouirh to make one wish for a 
 9 
 
98 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 a taste of that cup, which from his hands who composes the 
 mixture, produces such enlightening and saving effects. But 
 in the idea of suffering, we conceive but little of the bitter 
 which is infused into the draught. If I am not mistaken, 
 there is one ingredient in your cup, which appears to me of 
 divine bounty ; you are highly favoured in having free access 
 to so wise a minister, who is able to instruct you in a way 
 peculiar to himself in the mysteries of the kingdom. I rejoice 
 in all your comforts and advantages; it is a common remark, 
 that 'Great afflictions are often attended with great favours:' 
 which strongly evidences the compassion of Him, who was 
 made in the likeness of man, and who is touched with our in- 
 firmities. It is an unspeakable encouragement to know, both 
 from his own word and from our own experience, that ' he hear- 
 eth us,' and helpeth us too; for I am sure we shou'd say no- 
 thing to the purpose if he did not assist our intercessions. But 
 he who giveth the Spirit, knoweth what is the mind of the 
 Spirit, and answers the yet unformed prayer. We must be- 
 lieve that God takes no pleasure in afflicting his children ; 
 and if it were not to show his mighty power, and all-support- 
 ing goodness, probably there had been no martyrs. He does, 
 and will, amply recompence the instruments of his gloiy. — 
 The promises of grace, which lie hidden in the vvord, are 
 searched out in their fullness by suffering subjects. Oh for 
 stronger faith to enter into the riches of God, which are laid 
 up for us in Christ Jesus !" 
 
 The joy which was felt on account of Mrs. Cecil's recovery, 
 was much chastised by the long-continued weakness under 
 ' which she subsequently laboured ; and which tended to keep 
 alive those deep impressions, which had been produced on the 
 mind of Mr. Cecil. This appears marked in the sermons he 
 preached at this period, of which Mrs. Hawkes's diary furnishes 
 many notices. 
 
 Sunday.—'' Heard Mr. C. from Ps. Ixi. 2. ' From the end 
 of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed : 
 lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.' 
 
 ' This psalm was penned when David was in trouble ; and 
 we learn from it where to flee when we are in the like circum- 
 tances. " Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer ; when 
 my heart is overwhelmed, &c." Here seems an allusion to a 
 mnn d J' owning — to one sinking in the mighty waters — "All 
 thy waves and thy billows are gone over me." 
 
 ' All must know, that are arrived at any age, what it is to 
 
CHAP. III. FKOM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 99 
 
 be overwhelmed with trouble, from one cause or another : 
 either from bereavements, or from disappointments in business 
 or friendship, from sickness, or from what is far worse than 
 these, a wounded spirit; from violent suggestions and tempta- 
 tions of Satan, or from inward corruptions, as the Psalmist 
 cries, " Mine iniquities have gone over mine head ; as a heavy 
 burden they are too heavy for me." 
 
 ' Man is born to trouble. There is either a wave over your 
 ihead, or there is one coming. Where then is your resource? 
 Is it the same as David's? Is your prayer like his, " Lead 
 me to the Rock that is higher than I?" 
 
 * Every idea that conveys comfort and hope, is selected in 
 ihe Bible to hold forth the character of the Redeemer. Isa. xxxii. 
 2. Heb. vii. 25. 
 
 ' The Psalmist prays, " Lead me to the Rock," as if he had 
 said, 1 cannot place myself upon it; put me, as thou didst 
 Moses, in the cleft of the rock. 
 
 ' A shipwrecked mariner, in the midst of his distress and 
 danger, may see a rock very near, which if he could get upon 
 it, would save him from the billows — but he cannot reach it. 
 No more can the Christian; therefore he prays, ^' Lead me to 
 the rock:" thou canst place me upon it, though ever so high; 
 and when I have attained to it, 1 shall be lilled above all mine 
 enemies ; they cannot reach to hurt me. 
 
 ' God takes various methods to lead us to this rock. He is 
 a God of order, and therefore makes use of means. He sends 
 his Holy Spirit to teach a man what he is by nature, a poor, 
 fallen, guilty creature, having no hope but in Christ. God 
 draws the heart to himself by giving an experimental taste of 
 his goodness. '^ Come, taste and see, how ^racious the 
 Lord is." 
 
 'But the Christian sometimes forgets his Rock. He leaves 
 the fountain of living waters, and goes to some creature cistern: 
 then God makes it an empty one. Hosea ii. 8, 9. 
 
 ' What man cannot teach, God can ; and that perhaps se- 
 verely in the dispensation, but most mercifully in the end. 
 Something more is necessary than merely the discovery of the 
 rock, namely, the school of instruction, whereby we are led to 
 it. All the children of God are more or less brought through 
 ihe valley of humiliation, and are taught to cry, " Flear rny 
 prayer, 6 God ; from the end of the earth will I cry unto thee." 
 AfHiction is sent to humble the heart of the sinner ; to make 
 him teachable; to make him listen to that God who says, 
 " Take my yoke upon you." Human nature, if left to itself, 
 
100 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 would, instead of wearing this yoke, trample upon it: as soon 
 would the wild ass's colt submit to the reins. But God knows 
 how to break the stoutest heart; to subdue the most stubborn 
 will ; to make the most rebellious wear this yoke, not only 
 with quietness, but comfort. 
 
 ' We may congratulate the man with whom God will con 
 tend : who is not left to himself like a child without education 
 whom he thus overwhelms to save; whom he teaches to say 
 " It is good for me that I have been afflicted." Not that afRic 
 lion, however severe, will do of itself. Cain said, " my punish 
 ment is greather than I can bear," but his heart was not soft 
 ened. Pharaoh hardened his heart under all the dreadful 
 judgments with which he was visited. Affliction must be sane 
 tified ; then its design will be answered. This it was tha 
 made Ephraim, who at first was " like a bullock unaccustomed 
 to the yoke," to " smite upon his thigh," Jer. xxxi. 19. Then 
 it is, we are taught to fly to the Rock of ages. 
 
 'But God not only leads by painful instruction, but by gra- 
 cious influences, " Turn ye to the strong hold, ye prisoners of 
 hope." 
 
 ' Instead of trouble leading us from God with murmuring, it 
 should lead us to God for mercy. Prayer may be offered in 
 the loudest storm. 
 
 < Times of affliction are often times of rich sentiment. Our 
 views of eternal things are enlarged, our value of them height- 
 ened, our desires quickened, our resolutions strengthened. 
 The world appears in its true colour, temporal concerns be- 
 comes less interesting, and all our desire is after God. 
 
 ' We should take encouragement from our past deliverances, 
 to trust God with all that is to come. David says, " I will 
 abide in thy tabernacle forever: I will trust in the covert of 
 thy wings." ' 
 
 "Grant, O Lord, that I may be enabled, by faith, to cling 
 more and more to that blessed, pierced hand, which is stretched 
 forth to draw me out of soul-troubled waters; and by it climb 
 to the rock that is higher than I. May 1, by dwelling on this 
 Rock, have some sweet serenity, and gleams of cheering sun- 
 shine, while clouds and tempests are gathering beneath." 
 
 The anxiety which Mrs. Hawkes had lately experienced, 
 was followed by considerable exhaustion, and temporary con- 
 finement to a sick chamber. The memorandum which occurs 
 next in order, (in which she adopts a sentiment from Bishop 
 Hall,) besides an indication of mental languor, contains also a 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 101 
 
 trait of Mrs. H.'s character, which must not be passed over in 
 silence, namely, her eminent sincerity. Even in an uncon- 
 verted state, this quality procured to her general esteem. But 
 when it became a sanctified principle, it shone forth with pecu- 
 liar lustre. From the beginning of her course to the end, her 
 conversation was marked by " simplicity and irodly sincerity." 
 2 Cor. i. 12. i J ^ J J 
 
 Wednesday, June 18, 1794.—" Not so comfortable in mind 
 this day as I could wish. One has said, It is good to inure 
 the mouth to speaking well ; for good speech "is very often 
 drawn into the affections. But I would fear, that speaking 
 well, without feeling, were the next way to procure an habi- 
 tual hypocrisy. Let my good words follow good affections, 
 and not go before them." 
 
 _ Thursday.— ^^ First week of hay-making. How sweet the 
 sight from the windows of my secret chamber, where I am 
 this day a prisoner from illness. Yet though here solitary and 
 unsupported and oppressed by sorrows unknown and undi- 
 vided, I am not without joyful expectation. There is one friend 
 who loveth at all times : ' A brother born for adversity.' The 
 helpof the helpless; the hope of the hopeless ; the health of 
 the sick; the strength of the weak; the riches of the poor; 
 the peace of the disquieted ; the companion of the desolate ; 
 the friend of the friendless. To Him alone will 1 call ; and 
 He will raise me above my fears." 
 
 Saturday.—'' This week seems to have been lost through 
 weakness of body and stupidity of mind. Truly may I say 
 with the Psalmist, " 1 am a worm and no man :" how soon am 
 I pushed down, and my wings clipped. Yet to-day, my spirit 
 has been refreshed by a visit from my revered minister, 
 bringing glad tidings. Let me record, for future use, what my 
 memory can recall of his invigorating remarks. 
 " Mr. C. observed, — 
 
 ' We stand every day in need of re-inforcements in order to 
 meet every day's exigencies. Danger starts up from every 
 quarter ; and therefore a true Christian will endeavour to be 
 found watching. When he considers Samson, David, Peter, 
 &c., he will say, " Lord help me to watch and pray." Such 
 a man is not only a servant, but a son. He does not wish to 
 separate the work of Christ from the mind of Christ ; ho re- 
 joices in both. 
 
 'A Christian should be always on his watch-tower; fi. e.) 
 he should live in a state and habit of recollection ; by which 
 he would be better prepared to encounter whatever trials might 
 y 
 
102 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 come upon him : whereas, if we are off our guard, afflictions 
 wear the aspect of judgments.' 
 
 Ques " How far to yield to our bodily infirmities ? " 
 
 Ans. — ' It is of vast importance to know how far to yield to 
 our infirmities ; and how to improve them without fainting un- 
 der their burden. 
 
 ' Thus, if a man becomes blind, he must do what he can, he 
 must now turn a wheel. 
 
 Mt is of importance for a man to be shown to himself in 
 every point of view. 
 
 ' Jacob's thigh must halt — 
 ' Cure of presumption, &c. 
 
 « Infirmity shows us the folly of our schemes, though we 
 might have thought them essential. 
 * God has a scheme — 
 
 ' We often play with our remedies, and speculate upon them ; 
 affliction makes us take them. Thus our Bible lies on the 
 shelf: affliction makes us take it down. 
 
 ' Infirmities make us feel for others ; besides, the top is only 
 kept going while it is whipped.'' 
 
 " One present said, ' I cannot come up to such and such 
 views.' Mr. C. replied, 
 
 ' It is not coming wp, but coming down, that we want. 
 ' We should learn to rejoice in infirmities. Affliction is the 
 post of honour : we should have a confidential reliance in the 
 Divine sufficiency to remove all impossibilities. By our bodi- 
 ly infirmities and loss of faculties, we are reminded of the ne- 
 cessity of redeeming the time; and of making use of our 
 faculties while we have them : we are also taught, by the loss 
 of them, that death is hastening on ; and that he has already 
 taken an earnest, and will soon call for the rest.' " 
 
 The foregoing remarks seem to have been put down by Mrs. 
 Ilawkes as memoranda, to recall to her mind the topics of a 
 conversation which had interested her. In the present form, 
 they are very elliptical ; yet to those acquainted with Mr. Ce- 
 cil's train of thought, and manner of expression, they may 
 suggest some useful hints. Her diary next presents an expe- 
 rimental view of the importance of close communion with the 
 Saviour. 
 
 July 26. — " ' Abide in me.' Conscience tells me that some 
 of my late trials have arisen from not sufficiently attending to 
 these words of my adorable Master, •' The branch cannot bear 
 fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine." This day has closed 
 in deep anguish of spirit, so that my eyes run down with tears. 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 103 
 
 * Evening, and morning, and at noon, will f pray, and cry- 
 aloud ; and he shall hoar my voice.' ' For thy JVIaker is thine 
 Husband ; the Lord of Hosts is his name.'" 
 
 Sunday, 27 — " Heard Mr. C. from Matt. xiv. 28. « And 
 Peter answered him and said, Lord ! if it be thou, bid me come 
 unto thee on the water.' 
 
 'The approach of Christ, not only in his providential, but 
 even in his gracious visitations, is sometimes alarming. We 
 often fear when some great good awaits us. 
 
 ' True faith, and true love to Christ, will enable the believer 
 to encounter all difficulties. 
 
 ' An arduous work requires both a single and a fixed eye. 
 Peter's eye was single, but it began to wander ; and then he 
 began to sink. If we are able in all circumstances to fix our 
 eye on Christ, all is well. But if we incline to means and 
 creatures, we lose our strength and stability. 
 
 ' While our blessed Lord's command is our warrant in pur- 
 suing, so his friendship is our security. 
 
 ' We must not attempt to move without a call : the most 
 zealous Christian must wait for his order; and then he may 
 safely trust himself in the midst of all danger. But we are in 
 general too much disposed to stand still when God bids us go 
 forward ; and to be in too great haste to go forward when God 
 bids us be still. 
 
 ' It is in trying paths and transactions, that the strength of 
 the believer is increased ; and Christ glorified. He is the wise 
 man, that knows what to do in difficulties like Peter, " Save 
 Master ! " 
 
 *Our fears occupy more than our lives ; and they are only to 
 be banished by fixing the eye of faith upon an Almighty 
 Friend. The substance of the Bible is, to turn a sinner's^'eye 
 to the Saviour.' " 
 
 Tuesday, Sep.. 16, 1794.—" Mr. Hawkes and myself, with 
 our revered minister, set offifor Birmingham. We esteem his 
 accompanying us a great condescension, and as conferring 
 upon us a high honor and privilege. Lord enable us to im° 
 prove it! To have the society and conversation of so wise a 
 man, and so godly a minister, for some continuance, is a talent 
 committed to us which ought to gain ten talents. 
 
 "My prayer for many weeks, concerning this journey, has 
 been, ' Ifihy presence go not with us, carry us not up hence.' " 
 
 Sunday, Sept. 21—" Went with Mr.' Hawkes, and my 
 dear sister Jones, to St. Mary's Church. Mr. C. preached 
 from Luke xi. 2. ' Thy kingdom come.' 
 
104 ME?.IOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 » When the kinnsdom of Christ comes into the heart, it makes 
 all other thinf^s fade away, and hecome as nothing worth. 
 
 « It is one thing to pray in a cold forma! manner that the 
 kingdom of Christ may come, and another thing to say with 
 alUhe heart, Let it come whatever I suffer — whatever I may 
 loose — however I may be persecuted or hated. 
 
 ' Not the prayers only, but the whole life of a Christian is 
 one loud proclamation,'" Let thy kingdom come" — let it pro- 
 ceed let it overcome— let it run and be glorified. The whole 
 
 life of Christ was one continued expression of the same desire: 
 Let me lay aside my glory, let me expire on the cross,— So 
 "Thy kingdom come." And the martyrs who in every age 
 have'suffered in the cause of God, all cried out by their blood, 
 " Thv kingdom come." ' 
 
 Wednesday, Sept. 24— "Mr. C. preached at St. .Mary's from 
 Ps. Ixxiii. 16, 17. ' When I thought to know this, it was too 
 painful for me, until I went into the sanctuary of God, then 
 understood I their end.' 
 
 'A Christian is distinguished from other men, inasmuch as 
 he lives under a divine influence. He is a traveller on a jour- 
 ney, and like all other travellers, he makes observations i. e. 
 spiritual memoirs, as he passes along. See Deut. viii. 2. 
 
 'The sanctuary of God to the spiritual man is the porch of 
 the eternal world— the very confines of heaven. It is here he 
 receives the enlivening rays of the Sun of Righteousness ; and 
 he is as sure that it imparls light and heat and growth to his 
 soul, as the natural sun does to the earth. It is here he meets 
 Christ himself, and "sits down under his shadow with great 
 delight." It is here the enchantment of the world is broken. 
 The light of the sanctuary is a glorious light. 
 
 « Some objects can only be properly viewed in certain places 
 and situations. There is a certain point, (as the artists ex- 
 press it,) where things may be best seen. If we would have 
 a true view of spiritual objects, we must view them in the 
 sanctuary. Whatever things appear to be in the sanctuary, 
 that they are really. It is there the royal balance is kept ; 
 and the true touchstone is to be found. It is there we must 
 weigh our present pursuits and our beloved idols, if we would 
 know their value and their vanity. 
 
 ' When we are in the hustle of the world, the awful judg- 
 ments of God are heard without attention : but when we are led 
 into the sanctuary, and there hear His "still small voice," ex- 
 plaining his judgments, then His voice is heard to purpose, 
 " Then°understood I their end, how thou didst set them in slip- 
 pery places." 
 
CHAP. III.— FRoi^r A. D. 1790 TO 1706. 105 
 
 * How is it that men pursue human science? they retire from 
 noise and whatever would distract their attention. Reliirion is 
 a holy science, which deserves and calls for, all our Tabour 
 and assiduity ; and if we tind it " painful," it is because of 
 our ignorance and infirmity ; and because we have not learned 
 the first rudiments. But there is no cause for discourage, 
 ment ; God offers us his Holy Spirit ; offers us his help to en- 
 able us both to learn and understand the lessons of his sanc- 
 tuary. 
 
 -The true Christain wants no new thing : but he wants in 
 his heart and niind to comprehend the love of God. He wants 
 to have the influence of the world lessened, and the thinn-s of 
 eternity brought forward. "^ 
 
 ' Where is tile man who is not perpetually inclined to judge 
 by appearances? "1 saw the ungodly in such prosperity!" 
 Elijah must be led into the Mount, (see 1 Kings xix.) and the 
 Psalmist into the sanctuary, to understand wha° they met with 
 in the world. 
 
 ' It is one use of the ordinances of God to assist the spiritual 
 worshipper to discern all things aright; to rectify the mind ; 
 and when the heart would ask, " Is not this desirable?" a man 
 must go into the sanctuary before he makes an answer, or else 
 he wdi answer like a/ooZ. " So foolish was I, and ignorant: 
 I was as a beast before thee." 
 
 ' A man may feel as a philosopher, the vanity of passing 
 thmgs ; but they never appear so strongly as when contrast^ 
 ed with spiritual: nor will he ever give them up with all his 
 heart, and wander about " in sheep-skins and goat skins ; be- 
 mg destitute, afflicted, tormented;" till he enters into the sanc- 
 tuary, and sees the King in his beauty. Then his idols will 
 be given to the moles and to the bals ; for he has beheld a light 
 which has outshone all others; and his cry is, "O God, tliou 
 art my God, early will I seek thee. My soul thirsteth for 
 thee, to see thy power and glory, so as I have seen thee in the 
 sanctuary." 
 
 _ ' If we have seen any thing in the glory and beauty of Christ 
 in the present sanctuary, and are thirstinix for a more full dis- 
 covery, let us take it as a sure earnest of obtaining it : for God 
 never raises expectations to disappoint them. Our care should 
 be to keep close to God, and to pray that he would keep fresh 
 upon our minds the views of the eternal world. Let us look 
 forward to the end of our journey : we are travellers, and cannot 
 expect to have all sunshine, or that our way should be strewed 
 with fiowers. But, as the traveller who is longing to get to 
 
106 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 his home, puts up with the inconveniences of the way, — know- 
 ing that he is only passing along, so should a Christian be un- 
 dismayed by difficulties, knowing he shall shortly be through 
 them. 
 
 'The Bible and the Ordinances are refreshments by the 
 way ; in the use of which, God will strengthen and comfort us.' 
 
 " My mind has been deeply affected this day. Blessed be 
 God, the word preached has been attended with power. O 
 that it may sink deep into my heart! I much want close soul- 
 searching truths, and a deeper solemnity of spirit. I have 
 lived too much out of myself, and not sufficiently marked the in- 
 ward motions. I seem only to be swimming upon the surface 
 of religion; but I would fain dive into its depths. I have 
 stood too much in the outward courts. Lord give me more 
 abundant entrance into the Holy of Holies, through the blood 
 of Jesus. Let no cloud intercept the rays of the Sun of Right- 
 eousness. Let my heart be a tablet for the finger of the Holy 
 Spirit to write upon ; make me ever prompt and ready for thy 
 service ; make me quick to hear thy voice, so as to obey, and 
 may all my affections and actions be at unity. Make me 
 to have a zeal and concern for thy glory; and may my heart 
 shrink at the slightest approach of sin. May I be enabled to 
 weigh every thing in the balance of the sanctuary." 
 
 Saturdaij, Sept. 27. — " To-day, our honoured minister, Mrs. 
 Jones, and myself, drove to Dudley. JMay this dark and bar- 
 ren town listen to, and receive the word of salvation which will 
 be so faithfully preached to-morrow. I have many anxieties 
 on my mind ; but the Lord is my God ; and why should I be 
 afraid? he can make crooked things straight." 
 
 Sunday 28 — " Mr. C. preached at the Old Church in the 
 morning, from Mark viii. 36. ' For what shall it profit a man, 
 if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or 
 what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?' A solemn 
 and awakening discourse, suited to the place and people. Mr. 
 C. remarked, — 
 
 ' The soul is the master-piece of God's works ; and its value 
 may be best estimated by the price paid to redeem it; infinite 
 prospects arc set before it — "What then shall it profit a man 
 if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" 
 
 ' The folly of a man does not consist in any particular er- 
 rors of sentiment or doctrine; he mistakes at the very thresh- 
 old ; he is placing the world before heaven ; time before eter- 
 nity ; neglects his soul for worldly possessions; pulls down 
 his barns and builds greater, forgetting that his soid is required 
 of him. 
 
CHAP. III. FR03I A. D. 1790 TO 1T9C. 107 
 
 ' If any one were to put a piece of money into the hand of 
 a poor creature dro\vnin<T, would it not be a mockery and a 
 cruelty ? Would he not lift his dying eyes and say, Give me 
 a hand, and lift me out of this stale of danger; but as to giv- 
 ing me money, it is only to mock my misery. 
 
 ' The danger of losing the soul is very extensive : men place 
 themselves in such situations as daily expose them to such a 
 loss.' 
 
 *' In the afternoon I\Ir. C. preached at the New Church, on 
 the conversion of Lydia; from Acts xvi. 13 — 15. The fol- 
 lowing were some of his remarks on the passage : — 
 
 ' The transactions that are carried on between heaven and 
 earth make no figure in history : what passes in the cabinet 
 draws universal attention, and makes no small noise in the 
 world ; but what God is doing is unnoticed and disregarded. 
 
 * The heart being opened, is spoken of as an extraordinary 
 case. The heart of man is not always shut against sober ad- 
 vice — against moral doctrine — against outward decency — or 
 against the fashions, customs, and pleasures of the world : but 
 the Bible informs us, t-hat it is shut against God and his Gos- 
 pel. " The god of this world hath blinded the eyes of them 
 which believe not, lest the light of the glorious Gospel of Christ, 
 who is the image of God, should shine upon them." The 
 heart of the natural man is shut up in unbelief — blinded by pre- 
 judice — deadened by carelessness — and chained by pleasure ; 
 and the opening, softening, and enlightening of such a heart, 
 is the great promise made to us in the Scriptures. See Deut. 
 xxx. 6, and Ezek. xi. 19. Lydia was a conscientious charac- 
 ter before she was a converted one. She observed the Sabbath ; 
 she used the means of grace; she knew that she v/as respon- 
 sible ; and she determines to join herself to a few mean de- 
 spised people by the river-side, declaring thereby, however 
 against the public custom it might be, she would serve the 
 Lord ; and from a conscientious character, she became a con- 
 verted one; so true it is, that "If any man will do his will, 
 he shall know of the doctrine." 
 
 ' Lydia was not only a converted hearer, but an exemplary 
 professor. She not only received the Gospel of Christ, but 
 she adorned it in all things. " She attended to the things that 
 were spoken of Paul." She found the subject grand, worthy 
 all her attention; she laid up in her heart the truths he pro- 
 claimed ; and vvhat those truths were, may be gathered from 
 his Epistles. She feels their excellency, and remains fixed 
 and penetrated with them ; she set hor public seal to them by 
 
108 >IE3I0IRS OF MRS. IIAV/KES. 
 
 being baptised into the same faith, and was obedient thereto. 
 
 ' Every man should take heed and look within. He should 
 hear what his conscience says, on the great matter of religion, 
 nndfoUoio it. No man triflejs with his conscience but, sooner 
 or later, it will be revenged of him. 
 
 ' We should learn to look upward to God that opens the 
 heart. " He openeth and no man shutteth." It is more easy 
 to convince man of his wants than of his remedy. Many leel 
 the miseries sin has brought upon them ; but how few fiee for 
 refuge to the only hope set before them! 
 
 ' The conversion of the soul to God is only one continued 
 proof to us that he is still working by his spirit now as really 
 as in the apostles' days. And it further shows that true reli- 
 gion is the same to the end of the world ; that Christ is the 
 same yesterday, to-day, and for ever ; that He is risen from 
 the dead, and that mighty things are done through his name. 
 
 'Did Ciiristians live more in the practice of "Looking to 
 Jesus;" they would see " Satan falling as lightning from hea- 
 ven." Jesus Christ has " the keys of the house of David." 
 
 * If theXord has opened our hearts, it is that we should show 
 forth his praise. See Luke viii. He whose name was Legion^ 
 after he had been healed, besought Jesus that he might be with 
 him. But Jesus sent him away, saying, " Return to thine 
 house, and shew what great things the Lord hath done unto 
 thee." Go and be a monument of the grace of God, and live 
 to the glory of God. 
 
 ' We should look round for such witnesses ; and also con- 
 sider who is looking round upon us. It is not worth while to 
 inquire what ignorant, malicious, people may have to say of us 
 while we are serving the Lord: but to serious enquirers, we 
 should be careful to show our faith, our love, our obedience.' 
 
 "In the evening we remained at home; the family assem- 
 bled, and Mr. C. expounded the 25th chapter of St. Matthew." 
 
 Friday Oct. 3 " Spent the day at Sutton, at the Rev. Mr. 
 
 Riland's. Much benefited and delighted by the heavenly con- 
 versation of the venerable Mr. Newion. He read and com- 
 mented on a passage in the New Testament. He remarked, 
 ' There are proper seasons when, like David, we may say to 
 those who fear God, " Come, and 1 will tell you what he hath 
 done for my soul :" but we should be wise and prudent in these 
 things. When our Lord was in the Mount with his disciples, 
 he charged them, when they came down, to " tell no man." 
 It might have excited envy in the rest of the disciples, and pride 
 in them. The apostle Paul had astonishing visions : but not 
 
CHAP. Ill FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 109 
 
 a word did he speak, till fourteen years after, when the Corin- 
 thians undervalued him, and obliged him to speak of them : 
 He says much to prove that he did it, even then, with reluc- 
 tance. We should therefore be cautious, when we think that 
 God has dealt with us in an extraordinary manner, how we 
 speak. "Elizabeth hid herself five months;" i. e. retired, 
 which was a token of humility; yet the favour she had re' 
 ceived was sufficiently known, in proper time, to the glory of 
 God. Present impressions of divine love are certainly hum- 
 bling. But the direct tendency of gracious consolations in 
 themselves is one thing ; what evils they may afterwards occa- 
 sion in the heart, is another. The apostle's exaltation to the 
 third heavens could surely have no tendency to make him 
 proud ; but rather to make him walk in greater self abasement. 
 Yet he needed a tiiorn in the flesh. Pride is so subtle, that it 
 can gather strength even from those gracious manifestations 
 which seem directly calculated to mortify it.' 
 
 "Another remark made by Mr. Newton was :—« Satan is 
 fertile in expedients ; and as often as our situations and circum- 
 stances change, so often will he change his strata^rems and 
 methods of assault. Thus the Christian has the art ''of war to 
 learn over and over again ; and he will meet with cases in 
 which all his former experiences will leave him much at a 
 ■loss.' " 
 
 Saturday. Among other subjects, Mr. C. spoke upon the 
 obscurity of Heb. iv. He remarked— 
 
 ' The apostle is labouring, throughout the whole Epistle to 
 the Flebrews, to bring off the Jews from carnal to spiritual 
 views. He here speaks of three sorts of Rest. One, which 
 commenced on the finishing of the works of creation, called 
 the sabbatical rest, verses 3, 4. Another, which was proposed 
 to Israel in the wilderness, to be enjoyed in the Land of Ca- 
 naan, verse 5. And a third, which, after both those rests, was 
 to be enjoyed in the gospel state, and heavenly world, verses 
 6 to 11. By comparing what the Scripture savs of all these 
 rests, It appears, that the rest which believers obtain here 
 through faith, is the earnest of a future, glorious, and eternal 
 rest in heaven.' 
 
 " On another occasion Mr. C. said :— 
 
 * When the multitudes followed our Lord, although he wished 
 for retirement, and had gone purposely to seek it, yet upon 
 their desire for instruction, he gave up his purpose and attend- 
 ed to them. Let us reflect on the sweetness and condescension 
 of such a conduct, in opposition to a sour, monastic, morose 
 10 
 
110 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 professor. We are all too fond of our own will. We want 
 to be doing what we fancy to be great things. But the matter 
 is, to do small things in a right spirit. Let us see every thing 
 that passes as coming from God.' " 
 
 Wednesday, Oct. 8. — " Went to West Bromwich to visit 
 that aged Christian minister, the Reverend Mr. Jesse. 
 
 "In the evening he spoke upon Isaiah xl. 31. 'But they 
 that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength ; they shall 
 mount up with wings as eagles ; they shall run and not be 
 weary ; and they shall walk and not faint.' 
 
 " Mr. .Tesse remarked, ' It is this gracious influence, which 
 renews, in my old age, much of that Holy zeal and fervour, 
 which directed my steps when I first walked with God in the 
 days of my youth. In this sense, I may say, he maketh me 
 young and lusty as eagles ; who in old age cast their feathers, 
 and become bald like young ones ; and then new feathers grow, 
 and cover them with plumage, as in their youth : then they 
 spread their wings, and mount up on high; and are so strong 
 in their sight, that they can fix their eyes on the full splendour 
 of the sun. 
 
 ' Thus sincere Christians, who once were bowed down with 
 earthly desires and cares, oppressed with unbelief, and doubts, 
 and fears, renew their strength and hope in God. in old age 
 their souls are vigorous, and their affections mount upward to 
 things above: ihey fix their believing eye on Christ, and con- 
 template the glory of the Sun of Righteousness.' " 
 
 Sunday Oct. 12. — " Mr. C. preached at West Bromwich, 
 from John vi. 68. 'Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast 
 the words of eternal life.' 
 
 '"''Afternoon, from Ps. cxlix. 4. — 'Thou shalt beautify the 
 meek with salvation.' " 
 
 Wednesday Oct. 15. — "Returned to Birmingham. In the 
 evening, Mr. C. preached at St. Mary's from Ps. Ixxxv. 6. 
 ' Wilt thou not revive us again, that thy people may rejoice in 
 thee?' 
 
 * A spiritual revival will be the object and prayer of every 
 gracious man's heart, under a sense of a spiritual decay. 
 
 ' A true Christian, under a sense of spiritual decay, will not 
 be running to the creature for happiness. He knows that all 
 his fresh springs are in God. "I will ])our water upon him 
 that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground," isa. xliv. 3., 
 and this water is conveyed through the golden pipes of the or- 
 dinances, and frequently through afflictions and trials. 
 
 ♦There is a continual propensity in us to turn away from 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. Ill 
 
 God. When there begins to be a revival, there will be a turn- 
 ing to God. Then a man begins to find out idols he did not 
 belbre observe; and sees what it is that secretly steals his 
 heart and aficclions from God. 
 
 ' People in general are apt fo affix gross ideas to idolatry. 
 If a man goes to China, he is astonished at the horrid and ab- 
 surd things that are the objects of their worship : he is not 
 aware that his own idol is his cargo : — but when God speaks 
 to the heart and conscience, he must be heard ; and he says 
 to the merchant, to the miser, to the man of pleasure — and of 
 business too, " you are turning from the fountain of living wa- 
 ters, to broken cisterns, that can hold no water." 
 
 < Another sign of a revival of religion in the heart, is, when 
 like Abraham, we not only follow God ourselves but endea- 
 vour to command ourh ousehold after us. When, like David, 
 we are earnestly desirous to walk before them with a' perfect 
 heart. For a man to talk of a revival because he has had 
 some sudden impression, some extraordinary vision, — who yet 
 does not evince it by his life and conversation, — is to prove 
 himself deceived. 
 
 < A true revival is a divine operation, and will produce a true 
 fruit. There will be a heavenly taste, a hungering and thirst- 
 ing afier righteousness. 
 
 * The ground on which the Psalmist urges this revival is, to 
 obtain the end of all spiritual life, true joy and peace. Wilt 
 thou not revive us again, that thy people may rejoice in thee 1 
 
 ' It is a matter of experience, that when idolatry, unbelief, or 
 sin of any kind, enters the soul, we find our hearts sink, and 
 sensible ohjects soon draw off the mind from God; spiritual 
 objects become strange and irksome : we try to feed upon husks, 
 as we formerly did upon the bread of life : but if Christ has 
 designs of mercy, — if he seeks his lost sheep, — our cry will 
 be, "Oh that it was with me as heretofore! oh that thou 
 wouldst revive me again ;" The restless, comfortless state of 
 a backslider may distinguish him from an apostate. 
 
 ' If there is life in the soul, there will be a holy wrestling 
 with (xod ; the language of such a heart will be, — '' I will not 
 let thee go except thou bless me;" I dare not let thee go ; if I 
 can do nothing but mourn, I will mourn till thou comfort me. 
 Such a secret struggle, is a more noble sight before God and 
 Angels, than all that has ever been celebrated among men. 
 
 ' A Christian should learn the necessity of abounding in duty, 
 as well as that he should desire holy comfort. Like Habak- 
 kuk he should say, " I will stand upon my watch, and set me 
 
112 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAAVKES. 
 
 upon the tower, and will watch to see what He will say unto 
 me, and what I shall answer when 1 am reproved." 
 
 'In dry seasons, we should pray for sjjiritual showers; and 
 we should try to discover what keeps back those showers. If, 
 like Achan, we have secreted the accursed thing, it must be 
 searched out ; and we should say, " if I have not grace to 
 pluck out a right eye. Lord, pluck it out for me." Satan will 
 tell us there is no danger of perishing for want of rain ; that 
 if we hold the truth, there is no danger of decay. But what 
 will the form of godliness avail without the power 1 Let us 
 therefore plead with God for reviving grace; and let us remem- 
 ber that the ordinances we have had to-day, will not serve for 
 to-morrow ; we must have fresh supplies of the living bread, 
 or our souls will assuredly droop and wither. 
 
 * VV^e should honour God in believing, that while we are 
 praying for a revival, he will send it in all cases. O that we 
 had faith to behold Christ standing with the keys of death and 
 hell, ready not only to put a stop to the water floods of sin 
 and wickedness, — but also to " revive the heart of the contrite 
 ones." 
 
 " That my people may rejoice in thee." * He that says re- 
 ligion is a dull and gloomy thing, is a stranger to it : for it is 
 a scheme of unbounded joy and happiness. There is a defect 
 in all other joy, in that it has an end : but the Christian's joy 
 shall be heightening to all eternity.' " 
 
 I\lrs. Ilawkes records the texts of several other sermons 
 preached at Birmingham by Mr. Cecil. His last sermon be- 
 fore leaving that town, was preached on Wednesday, October 
 22, from Acts viii. 39, — " And he went on his way rejoicing;" 
 — a discourse which excited much interest at the time, and 
 which still lives in the memories of many who heard it. 
 
 Passing over the remaining memorandums in Mrs. Hawkes's 
 diary, we come at once to that with which she closes the year 
 1794. 
 
 Holloway, Dec. 31, 1794. — "The Lord mercifully allows 
 me to close this year in much peace. Were I to recount all 
 the mercies and benefits I have received this year, or to enu- 
 merate the sins and follies which 1 have committed against his 
 great goodness, it would fill a volume. The Lord hath dealt 
 bountifully with me; but I have dealt shamefully with him. 
 Among the blackest of my transgressions is ingratitude for in- 
 numerable mercies. Oh, how great is his goodness, and his 
 mercies past finding out! 1 would desire, O Lord, to close 
 this year with thee. I magnify thy past goodness, and I be- 
 
CHAP. III.—FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 113 
 
 wail my past transgressions. I adore thy long-sufTerina arace 
 and I abhor my vile ingratitude. Oh let this rolh'no- yea? bear 
 away all my follies, and let them be blotted out of tliy remem- 
 brance forever! 1 come now to seek a fresh application of 
 ' the blood of sprinkling,' that no spot may remain upon my 
 soul, but that I may stand accepted in thy sight, throucrh Jesus 
 Christ my great Advocate. I have no other ''hope ; uov need 1 
 any other, this being sure and steadfast,—' the blood of Jesus 
 e hrist cleanseth from all sin.' Therefore I can lie down this 
 night in peace, even while deeply sensible of innumerable faults 
 and transgressions. But speak it again, O Holy Spirit, to my 
 heart. and conscience, ' The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth 
 trom all sin.' Amen, Amen." 
 
 Jan. 1, 1795 — "I have been occupied this mornincr in re- 
 flections upon the new year. I look back on the past with 
 pain, on account of my ingratitude; and can do little more 
 than groan or weep, and repeat, ' God be merciful to me a sin- 
 ner. When I review the years of my past life, I see every 
 leaf not only blotted, but one whole stain. I should have no 
 hope but for the sacrifice of my great High Priest, whose blood 
 cleanseth from all sin. He alone, who ' came by water and 
 by blood,' can atone for my daily infirmities. In this I have 
 strong consolation ; and when faith is in lively exercise, thou<rh 
 the road be ever so rough, I can say, ' None of these thin^'as 
 move me : ' my Saviour has charged me to leave all events ?o 
 him, and has said, ' Take no thought of the morrow.' He 
 graciously gives me even in this world, a portion of rest by 
 faith, by which I am enabled to enter upon some foretastes of 
 future glory. And now O Lord, I desire to give myself up 
 into thy good hands this new year. * My soul hangeth upon 
 thee. ' Thy mercy, O Lord, endureth forever, forsake not 
 the work of thme own hands.' " 
 
 Sundaij^Jan. 4.—" Heard Mr. C. on Ps. xxxix. 12, 13 
 * I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers 
 were. O spare me, that 1 may recover strength, before I (-o 
 hence, and be no more.' "^ 
 
 I. ' Let us take the text as a form of prayer for the new 
 year ; and like the Psalmist, review our past transgressions." 
 " Deliver me from all my transgressions." However a gay 
 and a giddy world may try to banish thought, let us be w^se, 
 and set ourselves seriously to think. 
 
 "' I am a stranger and a sojourner ;" not unacquainted with 
 my best friend ; I have whereon to lean ; I can rest on a cove- 
 nant God m Christ, who is able to bring me to a '« city which 
 10* 
 
114 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 hath foundations." If God takes us into his school, He will 
 teach us to cultivate consideration. He will teach us to form 
 a right estimate of human life. He will make us feel we are 
 strangers and sojourners upon earth. 
 
 « We say, here is a new year : so our forefathers said year 
 after year. And where are they? — where we shortly shall 
 follow them. But while the fact is undeniable, how do we im- 
 prove it? Is our conversation, our citizenship in heaven? 
 Are we dying daily 1 Are we securing the riches of immor- 
 tality ? Are we redeeming the time? 
 
 II. Consider what is the refuge of a dying creature : — bow- 
 ing down before the throne of grace. 
 
 ' " Spare me that I may recover strength." This is a common 
 cry on a sick bed, — Oh that I could live a little longer to 
 amend my life. But without grace a man soon forgets his 
 sick-bed cries and resolutions. The strength which the Psalm- 
 ist prays for is spiritual. (See Col. i. 10, 11.) He wanted to 
 obtain a more comfortable evidence of God's favour, and to be 
 enabled to live more to his glory. 
 
 ' Spiritual strength can only be recovered by fresh applica- 
 tion to the living fountain. Keep on your minds the necessity 
 of applying for strength to go through the new year as be- 
 cometh Christians. Before another new year's day, we may 
 be dead. The next stage will be all amazing and eternal; let 
 us therefore " work out our salvation with fear and trembling." 
 
 « Oh that all who have had recourse to desperate methods, 
 (and all wrong methods are desperate,) would recollect that the 
 deepest afflictions are God's school for leading us to heart 
 prayer. Whoever can cry, like David, " Hide not thy face 
 from me," shall never be without a friend. 
 
 ' Is there any man who desires to learn what God is? Let 
 him come, like David, as a lost creature — as broken hearted 
 — as a criminal ;— acknowledging, '• I have sinned," I have 
 wasted my talents, "O spare me." 
 
 ' How justly may we take up this language on a review of 
 the past year. How have we wasted our time, and perverted 
 our talents; how anxious have we been about trifles! were 
 our cares and anxieties, through the past year, to be written 
 in a book, how should we blush to read them. 
 
 '" O spare me." — If thou art not my friend, I have no 
 friend. 1 am not only a stranger, but Thy stranger; on my 
 way to Thee. There are many who are strangers to God : 
 but they cannot say, " I am a stranger with thee." 
 
 ' Let us learn to bow down before God. If ever we rise to 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 115 
 
 Him, we must first be brought down in heart. Let us this 
 day approach with humility the table of the Lord. While 
 pride and ignorance are in the world, there will ever be a dis- 
 pute whether we shall go to the Lord's table like the Pharisee 
 or the Publican.'" 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes had scarcely entered upon the year 1795, 
 when it pleased God to visit her with an attack of illness, by 
 which she was confined nearly two months. Her diary 
 through this year and the next year, (which was her last at 
 Holloway,) is scanty, and mostly written in obscure short 
 hand. The pages are chiefly filled with extracts from Mr. 
 Cecil's sermons. The spirit of humiliiy and self-abasement 
 which is breathed in the few memorandums which are legible, 
 evince the progress of a deep work of grace in her heart. Dis- 
 coveries of the Divine glory had produced the same efi^ects 
 upon her mind as upon the saints of old ; and with Job she 
 cried out, " Behold I am vile,"— with Isaiah, « Woe is me, 
 for I am undone ; because I am a man of unclean lips ; for 
 mine eyes have seen the king, the Lord of Hosts." Isaiah vi. 
 5. This deep contrition is manifested by the next extract, and 
 in the letter which follows it. 
 
 Feb. 1795 — "I find it a solemn and awful thing to be a 
 Christian. It is indeed a Jiohj calling. God will at times 
 cause his candle to emit a clearer light in the dark recesses 
 of the heart; and there discover, and drag out, every lurking 
 and retiring evil , nor will he sufier any plea, though we may 
 say,—' Is it not a little one?' 
 
 " The secret business between the soul and God, when He 
 shows himself as a holy and Jealous God, can never be de- 
 scribed by language. It is no light matter when he calls the 
 understanding, the will and the affections, each to bring their fa- 
 vorite objects, and deliver them up to the fire that must either 
 purify or consume : but this he will do to every one that He 
 haih formed for Himself ' Every branch that beareth fruit, 
 he purgeth it, that may it bring forth more fruit.' 
 
 "Young Christians know little of that requirement, 'My 
 son give me thine heart.' I have long desired to give mine : 
 but grace alone can enable me. O let the sacred fire consume 
 every corruption which keeps it back ; but, O support, while thou 
 purifiest! If I am called to be a living martyr, (as most truly 
 I am) bestow the martyr's faith. Let mo have communion 
 with thee, and then I shall have society enough. If this sick- 
 ness be not unto death, O let it be that thy Son may be o-lo. 
 
116 3IEM0IRS OF MRS. HAVVKES. 
 
 rified ; and let me come out of it as gold purified in the fire !" 
 In a letter to Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Hawkes writes : — 
 " I have had much inward conflict lately, so as to know em- 
 phatically what it was to ' groan being burdened :' and I felt, 
 as I always do at such limes, that I could gain relief from no 
 quarter till I had been enabled to bow my spirt before God in 
 secret. 1 have often such a depth of abasement, such a pour- 
 ing out of my soul, and hiding my face in the earth, as [ can in 
 no way describe, — but which 1 feel truly salutary in its effects. 
 Some of my ties to earth seem loosened. Oh that I might sit 
 loose to all but God ! 
 
 '' I stand amazed at the loving-kindness of the Lord in such 
 a merciful and timing of suffering. In some fainting mo- 
 ments I have said, — O Father of mercies, do not crush a worm: 
 spare 'a leaf driven to and fro.' But now, for the most part, 
 he enables me to commit myself into his tender hands, as the 
 infant is committed to the mother. 
 
 "When I would speak of the Lord's manifold goodness to 
 me, I know not where to begin, nor where to end. There is 
 no telling of his mercies; they will furnish a theme to last 
 through all eternity : for we shall then see how ihey were inclu- 
 ded and interwoven in the ' everlasting covenant, ordered in all 
 things and sure.' That blessed covenant, made to us in Christ 
 Jesus, is, I am thankful to say, opening to my soul every day, 
 with increasing splendour and interest, I am sometimes almost 
 overpowered by the shiningr of some brighter ray, and some 
 more penetrating beam of heavenly light, that strikes me to 
 the earth in self-abhorrence, and speechless adoration of re- 
 deeming grace and love: and especially when I consider 
 that this mercy is vouchsafed to so vile a being, who deserves 
 nothing but to be shut out of his presence forever, instead of 
 having the gift of a hope full of immortality. If a little glimpse 
 of his love, which is all a feeble faith can catch, so warms and 
 animates the heart, what must be our joys when we enter a 
 a state of complete effulgence !" 
 
 From Mrs. Jones to Mrs. Hawkes : — 
 
 " Count it all joy, my sister, when you fall into divers tribu- 
 lations. Jesus Christ will bear you company. He has some 
 secrets to tell you therein, which you have not heard; — some- 
 thing to show you in his immense treasury, that your hands have 
 not handled ; and he frequently discovers them in da rk places, to 
 teach his children wisdom; — only the eye of faith must be 
 opened to receive his communications. As God is light, the 
 
CHAP. III.— FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 117 
 
 nearer a mortal approaches to Him, the lower must he fall 
 prostrate with self-abasement, and the more must he be pene- 
 trated with a sense of the corruption of his fallen nature. It 
 does not matter how vile we are in our own eyes, if the sense 
 of it does not betray us into unbelief and depression ; whatever 
 has that effect should be resisted steadfastly in the faith; be- 
 cause we are sure that such insinuations proceed from the en- 
 emy of truth. 'Jesus came to save sinners,' is a proper shield 
 for his fiery darts. Let us dive into the mysteries of the cross. 
 It is a blessed privilege to enter, in any degree, into the holi- 
 est by the blood of Jesus, and to take even a faint view of the 
 riches there laid up for believers. He that is full of grace and 
 full of truth will give exceedingly and abundantly more than 
 we can ask or think. ][ it were possible for us to conceive the 
 pity, compassion, power and love of our great Advocate, un- 
 belief would fly as a cloud before the sun ; and we should 
 come with confidence as to a very and powerful friend, whose 
 bounty has no limits but in our capacity to recieve more. 
 How freely should we lay before him the large catalogue of 
 our depravities, under the view of that all- cleansing, restoring 
 blood, which formed a fountain for sin and unclearmess. 
 
 " It is by faith that we must subdue every corrupt principle 
 in the human heart : we need not be cast down because we 
 find evils within ; but rather be thereby the more roused to 
 prayer and watchfulness. We are the temples of the Holy 
 Ghost, and the old inhabitants of the heart must be cast out': 
 a stronger than the 'strong man armed ' has taken possession, 
 and will get himself the victory : for Christ says, ' We will 
 come and make our abode.' 'We need no more say, ' Who 
 shall ascend into heaven, or who shall descend into the deep 
 to find Christ, for he is nigh thee, even in thy heart.' " Let 
 us pray for each other, that the Lord may increase our faith 
 to take of the waters of life freely— waters that heal all dis- 
 eases, and restore to perfect soundness," 
 
 The reader cannot but be struck with the Christian cheer- 
 fulness, as well as the devotedness of spirit, which appears in 
 Mrs. Jones's letters; so calculated to encourage and support 
 the more tender spirit of her sister, in an earlier stage of expe- 
 nence. Mrs. Hawkes was indeed " growing as the palm tree," 
 though under the pressure of various weiglits ;— and it seems 
 that at this period she was led to take more deep and painful view 
 of the evils of her own heart. She was now " going forth 
 weeping, bearing precious seed," but she came again " with 
 rejoicing," even here : all who had the happiness to know her, 
 
113 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 could testify the peculiar serenity and cheerfulness which 
 marked all her latter years, — even while under the most severe 
 pressure of bodily affliction. Yet a solid joy and peace in be- 
 lieving, were never separated fronn deep self-abasement and 
 humiliation before God, which to the latest day, and even hour, 
 of her life, were the most obvious features of her Christian 
 character. From the following short extract it appears that 
 Mrs. n. was still confined to a sick chamber. 
 
 March, 1795. — " My gracious Master shows himself to me 
 as a pitying, sympathizing friend, and as a compassionate High 
 Priest. I have been for some time past embracing death, and 
 laying my head on his cold, but friendly arm.^ When he 
 really does come, O may I be no more affrighted at his ap- 
 proach, than I am in the present contemplation and expecta- 
 tion of him : but may I meet him as an old familiar acqaint- 
 ance, who is going to convey me to a better country." 
 
 In a few weeks after, she records her recovery by an appro- 
 priate text of Scripture, and a quotation from the life of Haly- 
 BURTON. The verses of Psalm cxxii. which follow, mark the 
 joy she felt when again enabled to attend public worship. 
 
 Saturday, March 28. — " The Lord hath chastened me, but 
 he hath not given me over unto death." 
 
 'I dare not say I am ready to die; I dare not say, I have 
 grace or faith sufficient to carry me through death ; 1 dare not 
 say, I have no fears of death ; but this 1 say, there is grace 
 enough for helping me, laid up in the promise; there is a 
 throne of grace, to which in our straits we may have recourse. 
 He is a God of judgment, who has the disposal of all grace, 
 and who will not withhold it when it really is a time of need.' " 
 
 Sunday, May 17, 1795. — " 1 was glad when they said unto 
 me, let us go into the house of the Lord. My feet shall stand 
 within thy gates, O Jerusalem. Whither the tribes go up, the 
 tribes of the Lord, unto the testimony of Israel, to give thanks 
 unto the name of the Lord. Peace be within thy walls, and 
 prosperity within thy palaces." 
 
 " Heard Mr, C. from John xxi. 21, 22. 'Peter seeing him, 
 saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do? Jesus saith 
 unto him. If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to 
 thee? follow thou me.' 
 
 *The vagrancy of the human mind is one symptom of our 
 fallen state. It may be said of most men, their thoughts are, 
 as the poet expresses it, "outwards bound." This vagrancy 
 of mind fills the serious man with sad reflection. H^ow, says 
 he, have I spent the greater part of my life ! The text presents 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 1796. Il9 
 
 a remarkable instance of this failing ; and teaches us that 
 Christianity resists vain curiosity. We have here — 
 
 I. Reproof. 
 
 II. Direction. 
 
 ' The vain curiosity which is here reproved is, First, when a 
 man is disposed to ask questions rather than attend to plain 
 truths. This is like one whose house is on fire — sayino-, I will 
 not put it out until I know how it began. Tell me, says one, 
 of the origin of evil— of the fall of angels ;— tell me, says ano- 
 ther, if God could redeem without a sacrifice? The true wis- 
 dom of man is to stop where God stops in revelation, and en- 
 quire no further. 
 
 ' It is a vain curiosity when a man would know events rather 
 than his duty. Saul would go to a witch to know the event, 
 when he should have been considering his duty. " Lord, what 
 shall this man do] What is that to ^thee? Follow thou me," 
 that is thy duty. 
 
 'It is a vain curiosity to prefer temporal investigation to 
 eternal. Experiments may be made that will endanger, rather 
 than turn to any use. 
 
 « It is a vain curiosity when we would know what respects 
 others rather than ourselves. 
 
 II. 'Attend to the direction, " Follow thou me." It is as if 
 our Lord had said, learn of me how to pass through the world, 
 and how to think of it. How many idle amusements and sin- 
 ful indulgences would be denied, were we to follow Christ: 
 of almost everything of a temporal nature it may be said, 
 i' what is that to thee." Consider the time, how much there 
 is to do, and how short the space to do it in. Speculation is, 
 for the most part, a waste of time and talents. 
 
 " Frozen at heart while speculation shines." 
 
 ' The Bible deals very little in speculative points. Take 
 care how you say, there is no harm in this or that: there is a 
 roaring lion. 
 
 ' A prying presumption is the first step to error. 
 
 ' It is a dangerous thing to leave the high road. We should 
 use much prayer and caution that we enter not into a bi/e-patk, 
 which is known by its being more easy and smooth, when 
 perhaps the high path is painful and rough. " Follow thou 
 me," is the only way of safety. Where did the beloved disci- 
 ple find rest? On the bosom of his Master. 
 
 ' The footsteps of Christ are the authentic way-marks to his 
 kingdom. We must not make the steps of any man on earth 
 
120 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAVvKES. 
 
 an authentic way-mark, because the best men are fallible. 
 We are to trace Christ's footsteps in his word : we are to be of 
 his mind, and to follow him in every imitable perfection ; such 
 as his deadness to the world — His patience — His resignation — 
 His going about doing good.' " 
 
 The way in which Mrs. Hawkes practically followed out 
 the spiritual instruction she received, led to the formation of 
 her religious character. Her invariable soundness in doctrinal 
 points, and her undeviating progress in practical Christianity, 
 may be traced to that diligent use of means, with constant 
 prayerful application for a divine blessing on them, which we 
 are encouraged to believe will ever be attended with success. 
 She strikingly manifested that truest sign of spiritual health, a 
 " hungering and thirsting after righteousness," which made 
 her humbly and teachably listen to Christ's voice, both in his 
 written word and appointed ordinances. Most of her private 
 memorandums indicate either the disposition of Mary sitting at 
 Christ's feet as an attentive learner; — or they exemplify the 
 character of which God has said, " To this man will I look, 
 even to him that is poor, and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth 
 at my word," Isa. Ixvi. 2. The following extract will be 
 found of the latter description. 
 
 May 23, 1795. — " My heart and flesh trembleth for fear of 
 thee ! O remember that I am but dust ; that I am a poor 
 bruised reed ; bruised with sin and corruption, and a fallen na- 
 ture ; bruised with the malice and wiles of the devil ; bruised 
 by inward fears, and afflictive dispensations. ' Remember thy 
 word unto thy servant, whereon thou hast caused me to trust :' 
 — • I will not break the bruised reed.' In mercy blot out all 
 my past transgressions, and remember mine iniquities no more. 
 O strengthen me with strengh in my soul, to fight the good fight 
 of faith, and to lay hold on eternal life." 
 
 The following memorandums mark the close of the year 
 1795, and the beginning of the next : — 
 
 Christmas Bay, 1795. — " I desire to fix my eye on the glo- 
 rious object which at this season is presented to my view. I 
 would gaze till I learn how lost 1 am, and to what depths of 
 misery I am fallen. By the help of the gracious Spirit, 1 am 
 enabled to take a faint glimpse of this adorable Saviour; and 
 would join my voice with the heavenly host, in singing, 'Glory 
 to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good-will to man.' 
 Welcome, thou Sun of Righteousness I Without thee what a 
 dreary world had this been to millions ! The very sun had 
 been darkness to us, could we not have seen in its beams the 
 
CHAT. III. FRO:»I A. D. 1790 TO 1796. 121 
 
 tefleclion of thy glory ! Welcome to my ears, any glad tid- 
 ings of thee I and thrice welcome be thou this day to my un- 
 worthy heart." 
 
 Friday, Jan. 1, 1790. — "Floods of tears run down mine 
 eyes upon the review I have taken of my last year's spiritual 
 walk and converse. O Lord, righteousness belongeth unto 
 Thee, but unto me confusion of face, as at this day ! "' O Lord, 
 hear, O Lord, forgive ; O Lord harken and do, defer not, 
 for thine own sake, O my God, to help me.' I know not what 
 to do with my numerous host of enemies within, and infirmi- 
 ties on every side; but mine eyes are upon thee, for help to 
 begin, and go on, through this new year, fighting against the 
 world, the flesh and the devil — from whence proceed all my sor- 
 rows. Enable me to endure hardness as a good soldier of Je- 
 sus Christ; for I have much to suffer. Satan would have me, 
 not only to sift me as wheat, but to grind me to powder: but 
 
 suflTer not my faith to fail. ' Out of the depths have I cried 
 unto thee, O Lord ; — Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be 
 attentive to the voice of my supplications." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's diary next presents the notes of a sermon, 
 preached at the opening of the year. We may consider this, 
 like many other notices of the kind, less in the light of a ser- 
 mon, than as a specimen of the manner in which Mrs. H. trea- 
 sured up spiritual instruction, and appropriated it to her own 
 use. 
 
 Sunday, Jan. 3, 179G.— " Heard Mr. C. from Job. xiv. 14. 
 * All the days of my appointed time will I wait till my change 
 come.' 
 
 'A Christian is a soldier, and as such, he is preparing and 
 waiting for the battle; and he says, All the days of my ap- 
 pointed warfare, all the days I have to svfer, and to act, will 
 
 1 wait till my change come. I have much to endure, much to 
 perform, but as a faithful soldier, I am determined to keep my 
 ground, to fulfil my place, to maintain the combat, till it be 
 said to me, " Come up higher." 
 
 " It IS the scripture only which gives us the true account of 
 the change — the great event — which Job, and every real Chris- 
 tian, determines to wait for. And it also describes the proper 
 position in which he who thus wails, should be found : which 
 is a state of mind the reverse of indifference, of carelessness, of 
 presumption or of security. But, as though the Christian 
 should say, I will wait like one who has every thing at stake; 
 like a soldier in an enemy's country, and surrounded by ene- 
 mies on every side ; like one who has to fight not only with 
 11 
 
122 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 flesh and blood, but " against principalities and powers ;" and 
 thus beset with dangers, I will stand, simply depending upon 
 a God, who is able to do more for me than 1 can either ask or 
 think. 
 
 ' The true Christian not only waits for his change, and is 
 careful to wait for it in a proper position, but he also looks for 
 it in its " appointed time." It is not enough that a soldier has 
 fought several battles : — that he has played the man on this or 
 that occasion; — but he must continue the combat till he re- 
 ceives his dismission, till the battle is over. No man has a 
 right under any pretence, to forsake his post ; and if any one 
 should be inclined to do so, he should meet it as a temptation, 
 and pray to be delivered therefrom. 
 
 * When the appointed time is come, blessed is that man who 
 can say with the apostle, " I have fought a good fight, I have 
 finished my course, I have kept the faith," the toil is over, and 
 I have been satisfied with the toil ; if by any means I have 
 been enabled to work for God. 
 
 ' It is the Christian only that really despises the world. 
 Others may pretend to do it, but he has the secret ; for the ta- 
 per is only divested of its lustre by the rising of the sun. 
 
 ' We should willingly keep in view an enemy we must meet. 
 Away with the wisdom of the world, that tries every expe- 
 dient to keep death out of sight ; it may be called presumption, 
 or vanity, but not wisdom ; for what is life but the " flower of 
 the grass ;" as the dream of the night ; and what is the en- 
 deavour to banish enternity from the mind, but the desire to 
 have a pleasant dream for a night. 
 
 ' We must never attempt to meet death with any arms or ar- 
 mour except such as will secure our victory. Ignorance, in- 
 consideration, and presumption form no armour ; nor is a state 
 of levity any security; still worse than all is a false religion. 
 Forms and notions will not do for arms; but that life which 
 unites us to the Son of God. If we credit him who alone is 
 worthy of our unlimited confidence, we shall even now say, 
 *' Death is swallowed up in victory." Let us therefore wait 
 all the days of our appointed time as " jirisoners of hope." 
 
 Tuesday, March 1, 17 90. — " It is said that the nightingale 
 leans its breast against a thorn while it sings. I would fain 
 sing, and remember my many comforts. If there were no 
 thorn, I should perhaps fall asleep, and become a dead, care- 
 less professor, and finally lose my way. Why should I weep 
 and wring my hands at its piercings, which are only sent for 
 my safety. Nature cries, it is hard, it is painful ; but grace 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 to 1796. 123 
 
 says, all these things are in the order of a wise and gracious 
 providence, which foresaw you could not be trusted with hu- 
 man friendshii), because you would lean too much upon it, and 
 forget that this world is not your rest. 1 will therefore endea- 
 vour to imitate the songster of the night ; I will rest on my thorn 
 and sing, — 
 
 "One there is beyond all others, 
 
 Well deserves the name of friend : 
 His is love beyond a brother's, 
 
 Constant, free, and knows no end !'" 
 
 Wednesdatj, March 9, 1796. Fast-day.~^^ Heard Mr. C. 
 from Jer. xiv. 7. * O Lord, though our iniquities testify scrainst 
 us, do thou it for thy name's sake.' ° 
 
 ' There is not a more awful symptom that sin has arisen to 
 a great height in this nation, than the proud unbroken spirit we 
 see under the present calamities. Judges x. 10. 
 
 ' " O Lord, though our iniquities testify against us." We 
 acknowledge the charge and cannot gainsay it, yet "Do thou 
 It." It does not become beggars, and much loss does it be- 
 come criminals, to dictate what shall be done for them. '^ Do 
 thou it." Do what ? Do thou that which is becoming thyself! 
 Who can attempt to say what is necessary to thine" honour; 
 what is necessary for us! Who can tell what is to brincr 
 about thy design ! therefore, " Do thou it." Take it into thin? 
 own hands: do that which is most for thy glory; that which 
 shall most effectually humble sinners before thee; that which 
 shall make a nation most sensible of its state ; that which 
 shall bring us as a church, and as individuals, in deep humili- 
 ation before thee. Thou canst do that which no measures, no 
 creatures can effect. They may appoint a day for fasting and 
 prayer, but thou only canst give the spirit of humiliation and 
 supplication. 
 
 ' " Do thou it for thy name's sake." Here is a plea put in- 
 to our mouths. The carnal man thinks it an easy matter to 
 find a plea why he should escape punishment: but this is a 
 sure sign of an unhumbled spirit. He thinks that, because he 
 does not live in open and gross sin, there is nothino- the matter ; 
 not considering that he who lives without God inihe world, is 
 m a state of enmity with him. 
 
 * When an enlightened and contrite man looks into his own 
 heart, and into the nation, and sees what iniquities testify 
 against us, he is ready to sink down in discouragement at the 
 view ; and he cries out, What is to be done? 
 
124 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 < Let us remember, there is refuge in the character of God, 
 when there is none in man. (See Dan. ix. 19.) 
 
 ' Our fasting is but an outward expression of an inward 
 repentance and sorrow. Yet even an outward expression does 
 not pass unregarded. See tlie history of Nineveh, and of 
 Ahab, that wicked man, and yet concerning whom God says, 
 " Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because 
 he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his 
 days; but in his son's days will I bring the evil upon his 
 house." 1 Kings xxxi. 29. 
 
 'But a Christian is called to more than the outward expres- 
 sion. He is called to enter seriously into the subject, and to 
 plead with God like Abraham: lie is to humble himself as a 
 party concerned : and then " He who seelh in secret shall re- 
 ward him o])enly." Ezek. ix. 4.'" 
 
 In the next extract we see Mrs. Hawkes in the practical ex- 
 ercise of that spirit of contrition which she had lately heard 
 recommended from the pulpit. 
 
 March 10. — " Go ! ye inumerable host of sad accusers, self- 
 indulgence, vain thoughts, a weak scrupulous conscience, 
 'straining at a gnat, and swallowing a camel,' deadened heart, 
 unimproved opportunities, slighted convictions, unheeded re- 
 bukes, offended and neglected laws, — with ten thousand other 
 aggravations, — go and tell your sad story, and I will ac- 
 knowledge it true: but I will go to my Saviour, and lay be- 
 fore him the sad catalogue of my sins, (the sight of which is 
 enough to fill me with irrecoverable despair,) I will throw my- 
 self at his gracious feet, and will wait there till I hear him an- 
 swer, 'All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and 
 him that cometh unto me, 1 will in no wise cast out.'" 
 
 Sunday, April 24.—" Heard Mr. C. from 1 John v. 4. 
 'For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world; and 
 this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.' 
 
 'God himself has laid down the standard of Christianity, 
 and it is a foolish and corrupt state of mind that would alter or 
 lower this standard. It becomes us to hoic to the rule, what- 
 ever it is. " Whatsoever is born of God, &c." whether it re- 
 spects a person or a principle, — if it be born of God, — it " over- 
 cometh the the world." 
 
 ' It is faith in Christ that overcometh the corrupt influence, 
 the inordinate love, the slavish fear, the idolatry, tlie friend- 
 ship, the false wisdom, and the maxims of the world : nay, it 
 overcometh not only the folly, but the very religion of the 
 world, as far as it is a false religion. 
 
CHAP. III. — FROM A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 125 
 
 ' It is not merely comparing or contemplating ; it is not hav- 
 ing the mind rectified or well informed, that will avail in this 
 conquest. He that overcomelh this potent enemy has a secret 
 alliance that is as powerful as it is secret. It is only "he that 
 is born of God." John iii. 3. 
 
 * We are called to fight upon a field of dangers, snares, and 
 temptations: but having such a cloud of witnesses, all con- 
 querors, let us run the race that is set before us ; yet let us 
 lake heed of running in our own strength, or according to our 
 own rule and plan, let us carefully mark the footsteps of the flock; 
 and especially let us run " looking to Jesus ;" let us keep our 
 eye on that great model, the great Head of influence; remem- 
 bering that ii is laying hold on Him by fiiith, that enables us to 
 overcome. " Who is he that overcometh the world, but he 
 that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?" ver. 5. He that 
 has this sacred and secret alliance ; he whose life is hid with 
 Christ in God ; he who can say, " I live, yet not I, but Christ 
 liveth in me." Gal. ii. 20. 
 
 ' As Christian soldiers let us not be discouraged, though we 
 may sometimes have fears and faintings, for so had the noble 
 army of martyrs, yet they all were conquerors. Rather let us 
 seek to glorify God in the thickest and hottest of the battle ; 
 remembering the apostle's exhortation. Ephes. vi. 10 — 18. 
 
 ' It is the order of God, it is the very constitution of heaven, 
 that he that is born of God, shall overcome the world : and it 
 is in this way only, even by faith in Christ, that any one has 
 hitherto succeeded over the worst of his enemies. It is a grand 
 and sublime principle of faith that must raise a man above the 
 world. To suppose that any one will turn from the love of 
 this world to the love of eternal things, without an operation of 
 the Holy Ghost, is to be as bad a philosopher as a divine; for 
 it is to expect an e^eci without a cause. 
 
 ' Is victory over the world the Christian's object? Are we 
 striving for the mastery, and striving lawfully? Are we fol- 
 lowing the example of the apostle, who says, "I keep under 
 my body, and bring it under subjection?" We must watch 
 the designs of the enemy, and remember that if we do not 
 overcome the world, the world will overcome vs. 
 
 ' It is our wisdom to take time, to seize opportunities for re« 
 flection, in order that we may walk with God. It is when we 
 shut out the noisy vain world, that the enchantment begins to 
 break, and the shadows flee away; then we begin to have 
 clearer vision ; and to hear the " still small voice " that speaks 
 within. It is this which distinguishes the true believer from 
 11* 
 
126 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 the hypocrite: the hypocrite will be found every where but in 
 his closet. He will meet you at Church — at the sacrament — 
 in your most select societies; you will not know him, by his 
 appearance, from one of the most devout saints; but you may 
 know him if you mark his secret walk. You never see him 
 seeking a retired corner to pray ; you never hear of his shut- 
 ting his door about him, and falling upon his knees in private. 
 He wants to be seen of men; if he is found at his devotions, 
 it is in places where he may be seen and admired. But the 
 true Christian, the man who is '• born of God," is never so 
 easy as when he can get where no eye sees him, and pour out 
 his heart before God : He has a root as well as a shoot ; he is 
 not an annual, but taking deep root downwards, he stands win- 
 ter as well as summer, hearing fruit through all seasons.' " 
 
 May 3, 1796. — " I feel this a painful and weary part of my 
 Christian ])ilo;rima<Te. I have much disturbance from Satan, 
 from my own heart, and from distressing circumstances. — May 
 1 be enabled to fight manfully ! " 
 
 Thursday, .5. — " Was favoured by a visit from my revered 
 minister. His conversation has left a solemn effect upon my 
 mind. 
 
 " Mr. C. observed, ' the attacks made upon the soul by sin 
 and Satan resemble waterfloods surrounding a house, and in- 
 cessantly working in at one place or another. No sooner is 
 one inlet secured, than the water makes its way in somewhere 
 else. 
 
 ' Satan is a constant enemy, never ceasing to buffet us ; but 
 whatever bows down the soul, we must bring it to Christ, 
 whether the attack be from the world, the flesh, or the devil. 
 
 ' Nothing tunes the soul like prayer. He that is able to go 
 and plead his case with God, shall soon " mount with wings 
 as eagles ; shall run and not be weary ; shall walk and not 
 faint." We should pray for a spirit of prayer ; we cannot ex- 
 pect a favour we do not ask for. I am persuaded that God 
 will honour every species of prayer. It is a sad thing to let 
 the devil persuade us to stand still, or go backward because 
 we cannot do all we wish. 
 
 ' Prayer is the key that unlocks every blessing. Beware of 
 general requests ; it is a sign of a cold, unfeeling heart. Come 
 and specify what you would have; carry your real concerns 
 to Christ; and be satisfied with his care and management of 
 you. The government is upon his shoulders, not yours. It 
 is enough that he undertakes for you ; therefore transact all 
 your affairs with him. A Christian who is sometimes found 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790, TO 1796. 127 
 
 sitting still as a man of faith, is at other times found wrest- 
 ling as a man of prayer. 
 
 ' There are a vast variety of corrections for the people of 
 God. One is sorely tempted; another has great outward 
 losses; another is visited with sickness. The form of the 
 chastisement is of small importance ; but each feels the weight, 
 and is touched to the quick ; and that, perhaps, when those 
 who stand by, see nothing of the atfair. To tndure chastise- 
 ment is to receive it as to the design of it ; to take it willingly. 
 The manner of our receiving chastisement, will throw great 
 light upon our character, whether we are, or are not the sons 
 of God. Sorrow is a fire: but while it is a purilying fire to 
 some, it is a consuming fire to others. The primitive Christians 
 were remarkable for their patience under sufl^ering. God can 
 make a man as quiet by faith, as if there were no danger at 
 all. But a frown from God is ten thousand times worse than 
 a stake, or gibbet. 
 
 ' In all dispensations we should be careful not to lose the 
 benefit, either by falling info a state of despondency, or by- 
 being inattentive to our feelings and sentiments in the affliction ; 
 or by impatience under it. Endeavour to keep the presence 
 of God in your heart through every circumstance. 
 
 « Learn to distinguish between humiliation and gloomy de- 
 pression. What St. Paul means by being crucified to the 
 world is not a peevish quarrelling with it, but a noble victory 
 over it. While we say of laughter, " It is mad," let us beware 
 of running into an unscriptural melancholy. The enemy has 
 often made use of this areat success to the injury of reliaion. 
 Holy joy is the proper antidote.'" " ° 
 
 ' As Christians, it is our privilege to be going on to perfec- 
 tion ; to walk free from mists and uncomfort'ableness ; and 
 though, while here, we shall to the end, only "see through a 
 glass darkly," yet we are directed to fix our eyes upon a more 
 perfect day, when the "wise shall shine as the brightness of 
 the firmament." ' 
 
 On the subject of indulging a tendency to melancholy, Mr. 
 Cecil further cautioned Mrs. Huwkes in the following letter, 
 sent the next day : — 
 
 Marj, 1796. 
 " My Dear Daughter, 
 "The uneasiness I feel when 1 see any thing which I think 
 amiss in you, obliges me to write a letter, though you know 1 
 am no writer of letters except when absolutely compelled. 
 
128 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 " Now as you are a fruitful plant in my vineyard, and one 
 that I have had the honour and pleasure of planting, I cannot 
 be satisfied if I suspect any injury whatever which mny impede 
 your growth. 
 
 " But 1 do suspect an injury. I do think I see one enemy, 
 and that, an enemy at the very root of your health and com- 
 fort : — It is a little mischievous worm called melancholy. It 
 is engendered by constitution and ill health ; and makes both 
 worse. I say this from experience; but then what is only ac- 
 cidental in my case, is almost constant in yours; and I cannot 
 but observe this with great pain. First, because I do not think 
 you are sufficiently apprized of the evil. It strips you of the 
 only ornament of the Christian profession 1 ever saw you want, 
 — I mean a permanent joy and peace in believing. 1 know 
 you have such humble views of yourself, that you will consider 
 me a very partial julge: but on this subject, I cannot think I 
 am incompetent to judge; and I do not allow myself (I humbly 
 hope) to say what I do not really think. 
 
 " I know every thing that occurs is capable of wounding a 
 sensibility such as yours. But the world is nothing to you. 
 Come, I will give you a bit of an old man who writes better 
 than I can : — 
 
 " We may compare an afflicted believer to a man that has 
 an orchard laden with fruit, who because the wind has blown 
 off the leaves, sits down and weeps. If one asks, What do 
 you weep for? Why my apple-leaves are gone ! But have you 
 not your apples left ? Yes. Very well, then do not grieve for 
 a few leaves, which could only hinder the ripening of your fruit.' 
 
 " Pardons and promises that cannot fail, lie at the root of 
 my dear daughter's profession ; and fruits of faith, hope and 
 love, that no one can question, have long covered her branches. 
 The east wind sometimes carries off a few leaves, though the 
 rough wind is stayed ; and what if every leaf were gone ? what 
 if not a single earthly comfort remained 1 Christ has prayed 
 and promised that her 'fruit shall remain ;' and it shall be my 
 joy to behold it through eternity. 
 
 " Past eleven o'clock, and time for poor sleepy preachers to 
 go to bed. But I shall sleep better for having dropped a word 
 or two, though it be but saying old things over and over again. 
 
 " But the morning cometh, a morning without melancholy. 
 To-morrow morning, you and I shall walk in a garden where 
 I hope to talk with you about every thing but sadness ; and if 
 I even forgot, and began upon the subject, you would immedi- 
 ately reply, ' Sorrow and sighing are fled for ever.' 
 
CHAP. III. — F1103I A. D. 1700 TO 1796. 129 
 
 " So they do noiu, as (lilth is in exercise. I received amaz- 
 ing benefit iVom Hill's tenth sermon, on 2 Kings iv. 23. ' She 
 answered and said, It is well ;' which I read walking liome 
 from you yesterday. I went and bought the book, and shall 
 return you yours directly, and beg you will go through the 
 same sermon, and pray that it may be as much blessed to you 
 as it was to me. 
 
 " With kindest regards to Mr. Hawkes, 
 
 " Believe me vour very affectionate Father, 
 
 "R. Cecil." 
 
 Independently of the consolations of religion, a person of 
 Mrs. Hawkes's temperament, and under her circumstances, 
 must unavoidably have sunk into that " sorrow of the world" 
 which " worketh death." For a natural tendency to melan- 
 choly, meeting with the pressure of real affliction, and unas- 
 sisted by that knowledge of the Gospel which opens a brighter 
 prospect, assumes a desolating character and merges into the 
 " sorrow of the world," i. e. hopeless despair. 
 
 Perhaps it may be allowed here to make a few remarks on 
 the essential ditlerence between the " sorrow of the world" and 
 " godly sorrow ;" distinguishing first the features of that kind 
 o? pensive melancholi/ just alluded to, which is incident to some 
 persons of a refined and sensitive mind. 
 
 Melancholy, as it exists in the temperament, independently of 
 real trouble, is the pensive dwelling of the imagination upon 
 whatever is gloomy or pathetic in nature. It is the romantic 
 contemplation of facts, and not the proper impression of the 
 facts themselves; and as nature has been said to exceed ro- 
 mance, so does real grief far exceed melancholy. Setting aside 
 morbid cases, melancholy is a pleasing illusion ; it has its sweet 
 sounds, soft touches, refined sensations ; much of the ideal in 
 it: the mind lulls itself as in a cradle, and kisses the pillow 
 on which it weeps. Yet this pensive kind of melancholy ap- 
 pears to be only a phantom of the imagination, something be- 
 low reality, — a waking dream. It however holds a place in the 
 sublime and beautiful ; and a dash of melancholy often forms 
 a feature in the finest minds. 
 
 But man is born to real trouble: atid the reality of woe is 
 more forlorn and desolating than an effect produced by imagin- 
 ary impressions. The subject of reaZ^rie/* resembles a blight- 
 ed tree on a trackless waste, not only solitary, but empty, 
 bare, and useless. A sentence of death seems written there! 
 and what hope presents itself? None to those who are unac- 
 
130 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 quainled wiih that " God who raises the dead." None to those 
 who being under the power of spiritual blindness, remain ig- 
 norant of the consolations which the Gospel offers. Melan- 
 choly, with her pensive train, now gives place; and the " sor- 
 row of the world" sits brooding over the scene in hopeless dis- 
 may ; and at length leads on her sad victims to the abodes of 
 death : death in its three-fold horrors, — spiritual, temporal, and 
 eternal! such sorrow being contrary to the will of God, and 
 arising from an inordinate love of the world. 1 Cor. vii. 30. 
 1 Thess. iv. 13. 
 
 Oh how appalling to launch on that dark ocean which af- 
 fords no bottom on which to cast a single anchor ! This is re- 
 ality of woe ! would that its deepest gloom ended in the grave I 
 But alas, we may borrow the striking lines of Milton, when he 
 represents that abyss of misery into which the arch apostate 
 fell, and into which he desires to drag all his followers : — 
 
 " Me miserable ! which way shall I fly 
 
 Infinite wrath and infinite despair ] 
 
 Which way I fly is hell ; myself am hell ; 
 
 And in the lowest deep, a lower deep, 
 
 Still threat'ning to devour me, opens wide, 
 
 To which the licll I suffer seems a heav'n !" — Book IV. 
 
 But it will be refreshing to turn our aching view from scenes 
 thus dismal, and mark Religion, rising like the sun, chasing 
 away the mists and horrors of night before its rising splendour. 
 Religion leads from realities of despair, to realities of hope ; 
 from realities of woe, to realities of peace and joy. Her sor- 
 row is a " godly sorrow," wrought by the influences of the 
 Holy Spirit. With an eye fixed on the cross, she beholds her 
 remedy ; and though " now going forth weeping," yet bearing 
 the " procious seed" of faith, hope and love, she will " doubt- 
 less come again with rejoicing, bringing her sheaves with her ;" 
 for " Godly sorrow worketh repentance not to be repented of." 
 Faith embraces the promises : and sees hidden in them infinite 
 prospects. A well grounded confidence and holy joy become 
 the Christian's companions, and attend him till he enters those 
 realms of bliss where he can say from perfect fruition, " In 
 thy presence is fulness of joy ; at thy right-hand there are 
 pleasures for ever more." Ps. xvi. 11. 
 
 But we must return to the subject of this Memoir, and view 
 her a little longer as a pilgrim here below, experiencing the vi- 
 cissitudes of sorrow and joy ; dropping perhaps " some natu- 
 ral tears," but ever pressing on to that heavenly home where 
 *' all tears shall be wiped away." 
 
CHAP. III. FROM A. D. 1790 TO 179G. 131 
 
 The next extracts from her diary are as follows : — 
 Tuesday, 3Iay 17, 1796. — " VVhen a breath from the Holy- 
 Spirit would put the soul upon making fresh application to 
 Christ for pardon, a certain voice seems to put in, ' If — if — if 
 thou wilt do this or that' — whereby the soul is terrified and 
 kept back. Christ proposes no ifs, except ' If thou canst be- 
 lieve.' He says, 'For mine own sake I will do this.' While 
 I have any groaning towards God, and while I have Christ for 
 a Saviour in heaven to atone and intercede for me, I will en- 
 courage hope. 
 
 " Faith puts forth in a variety of actings ; infinitely pre- 
 cious in all. Sometimes with a holy, bold venture, hoping 
 against hope; believing against all manner of contradictions: 
 sometimes conflicting with strong temptations, buffetings, and 
 the assaults of Satan ; sometimes passive ; but in all victorious." 
 
 July, 17.06. — " To what a cost, lingering, daily puts the 
 real Christian, none can tell but God and his own soul. So 
 true it is, that nothing can save from ruin here, nor l^rom hell 
 hereafter, but the hand of special grace and infinite power." 
 
 The foregoing extracts seem to indicate some inward exer- 
 cises, the particular cause of which is not expressed. But whe- 
 ther beset by inward or outward trials, Mrs. Hawkes had one 
 resource, — in the sanctuary she ever found " a tabernacle for 
 a shadow in the day-time from the heat, and for a place of re- 
 fuge, and for a covert from storm and from rain." 
 
 Her diary next affords the full notes of a sermon, which 
 will be found deeply experimental and encouraging. 
 
 July 6, 1796.—" Heard Mr. C. from Gen. xxii. 14. ' And 
 Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jirah : as it is 
 said to this day, In the mount of the Lord, it shall be seen,' 
 (or, in the mount of the Lord, He shall be seen.) 
 
 ' God in his church has ever been seen to provide a moun- 
 tain of difficulty, or a mountain of action for his people. He 
 not only provides it for Abraham, but for all his children. It 
 is not an accident when mountains are put in our way: for 
 though we are not called in the way Abraham was, to go and 
 ofTer up a beloved child, yet God knows how to make a small 
 thing become sometimes a very great mountain. 
 
 ' Observe, first, that when God provides a mount of diflicul- 
 ty, we must not expect his love to secure us from it, but in it. 
 
 ' We are very apt to object to God's proceedings with us; 
 but let it ever be remembered. He does not consult our feel- 
 ings but out proft. 
 
 ' Observe, secondly, that God ever ])rovidcs for the difficul- 
 
132 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ty we have to encounter. " As it is said to this day, in the 
 mount oftlie Lord, He shall be seen." It is not said, He shall 
 be seen at theybo^ of the mountain — or half way up it — but 
 7,71 the mount: that is to say, God will make our extremity 
 his opportunity. God keeps his time, though not our time. 
 We are apt to say, " Now, Lord :" but he seems to say, 
 " This is your time, but not mine." And in the interval, if 
 the mountain be of his providing, there is a promise, " I will 
 never leave thee nor forsake thee." " The Lord will provide." 
 He provides what some indeed think lightly of, faith and hope. 
 You must not complain if God leaves you nothing in the hand 
 but faith and hope. We are ever wanting something to lean 
 upon : but God says, No ; you must learn to lean upon me only. 
 
 'Acts of faith are public benefits; how little did Abraham 
 think that this act of faith should be the support of thousands. 
 "Blessed is the man that endureth temptation," (or trial). 
 But it is not enough to take up this truth as a mere sentiment. 
 We must go through these things. Our blessings lie orcr the 
 mountain, and the believer must be content to sigh and pant 
 up the mountain, bearing his cross. If we find it laborious to 
 go up the " Hill difficulty," yet let us go on step by step, 
 knowing that it is only for an appointed time, and that our 
 blessings are beyond the mountain. Oh, it is not talking, but 
 ti'olking ! It is not in notion, but in action. 
 
 ' Observe thirdly, God will in this mountain provide for his 
 own glory. He will be glorified in the fire : " In the mount 
 He will be seen." We want ease, but when we get it, how 
 apt are we (o grow cold and stupid, and careless about prayer, 
 till we are again roused by diflicullies; and then we be- 
 gin to pray in earnest. Thus it is that God i's glorified. He 
 causes us to glorify his wisdom, — his all-sufficiency, — his good- 
 ness. He seems often to appeal to our hearts — is not this the 
 best way, though every step up hill? " In the mount of the 
 Lord He shall be seen," {i. e.) God will there exhibit his own 
 character. 
 
 ' In our difiicultics God sets up way-marks ; — he says what- 
 ever a man gives vpfor me, shall be restored, in better things, 
 a hundred fold : and thus we find that religion is only another 
 name for wisdom. 
 
 'Fourthly, from this mountain of trial, we are to see Christ 
 exhibited. If we do not see the golden thread through all the 
 Bible, marking out Christ, we read the Scriptures without the 
 key ; — we miss the invaluable treasure hid in the field. 
 
 ♦ This text has a great scope, "The Lord will provide." He 
 
CHAP. Ill FR03I A. D. 17 90 TO 1796. 133 
 
 will provide all that man wants for time and eternity, in and 
 through Christ. When we can see a dying, risen Saviour, in 
 the mountain, we have indeed found the pearl of great price, 
 Oh that such as love great sights, would look at the cross of 
 Christ, which of all others, is the sight the most interesting ! 
 God has set up, in his word, great monuments : the text is one, 
 on which is inscribed, " The Lord will provide." The poor- 
 est man who can read his Bible, may see it to this day.' 
 
 In the month of September, the state of Mrs. Hawkes's 
 health requiring sea-bathing, she went to Dover, accompanied 
 by Mrs. Jones. But those anxieties which had induced the 
 present depression of her strength and spirits, followed her 
 there, and drew from Mr. Cecil the following sympathetic let- 
 ter : — 
 
 Oct. 7, 1796. 
 " My dear Daughter, 
 
 <' The melancholy cast of your letter so meets the present 
 complexion of my mind, and some sentiments in it are so exactly 
 my own, that like a man who hears a tune which touches him, 
 and he begins humming, so 1 fall to writing. I too am at sea, 
 and sea-sick, i laugh outwardly, and inwardly say of laugh- 
 ter, " It is mad." When the candle of the Lord shines upon 
 my head, I am well, and so are you : but when I cannot see 
 Him, (you understand me,j a more forlorn creature does not 
 walk the earth ; and that, sometimes for days together, though 
 surrounded with comforts and comforters. 
 
 " The truth is, He deals out my comforts who furnishes 
 yours ; and if you could weigh them against each other, you 
 would find them more equal than you are ready to believe. 
 
 *' Another truth is, that among the many things you have 
 learned of me, there is one which I have often brought to your 
 ear, but which none but God could bring to your heart ; I 
 mean the real state of the country in which we live, as de- 
 scribed, Psalm Ixiii. 1. You are the woman ' whose heart the 
 Lord opened,' and which none but himself can fill. The wo- 
 man ' who stood beside me praying unto the Lord,' and to 
 whom the Lord has given the petition she asked of him. \\'hat, 
 I pray you, was the petition ; and what are the things you 
 meet with, but an answer to it; and what need I repeat on the 
 subject] You know these things as well as I do; and I should 
 never have hnoxon them, (though I might have preached about 
 them,) if I had not been, like you, taken from the crowd by 
 a mighty hand, and brought, ' with laltering steps and slow,' 
 to tread the narrow solitary way. 
 12 
 
134 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 •♦Slill ' He giveth songs in the night;' therefore let us sing 
 when we can. He also commands us to help one another; 
 and to help you, as far as I am able, will always afford satis- 
 faction to Your most affectionate friend and father, 
 
 *' R. Cecil." 
 
 The depression which, at this period, rested on Mrs. Hawkes's 
 mind, was not from imaginary causes. She saw the clouds 
 darkening, and ready to break over her head in a storm of 
 trouble, which, within a few weeks actually burst, and nearly 
 overwhelmed her. The most serious embarrassment was 
 threatening Mr. Hawkes's affairs, occasioned by his having in- 
 cautiously, though from motives of friendship, allowed an un- 
 successful speculator to draw bills upon him, by which the 
 whole of his property became irretrievably involved. On Mrs. 
 Hawkes's return from Dover, in the month of October, she 
 was informed that the shock had actuatly been felt at Hollo- 
 way, and that every thing was on the point of being given up 
 for security. A lively and pathetic description of her feelings, 
 at this time, appears in the following memorandum. 
 
 Holloway, 1796. — " I have of late felt much solemnity of 
 mind: and have been enduring much agony of spirit, and 
 learning to ' go softly.^ But 1 would rather go weeping with 
 my face heavenwards, than dancing in the broad way which 
 must end in misery. Thanks be to God, that I have at least 
 a weeping eye, ifl have not the true soldier-like spirit that 
 dares the fierce onset of the battle. I am, I trust, made willing 
 to endure, and abide the conflict, however severe. I must in- 
 deed ever shrink at the approach of the two-edged sword. — 
 But I desire to put myself into the hands of my great Physi- 
 cian, to do with me as seemeth him good ; and tliat without 
 reserve. My Bible and my secret chamber can witness for 
 me, the floods of tears I pour out for my weakness, and my 
 wickedness, and for the depravity of my fallen nature. And 
 He, whose eye pierceth the reins and the heart, knoweth I do 
 not act the part of a hypocrite. My sins are indeed more than 
 the hairs of my head: nor could I bear the sight, were I not 
 enabled to lay hold of the hope set before me in the Gospel. 
 In this I have always strong consolation ; and find it an anchor 
 both sure and steadfast, upon which, by faith, I will now lie 
 down and sleep, amidst surrounding^ waves and storms of sor- 
 row. ' Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? 
 It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth ? It is 
 Christ that died, yea, rather that is risen again."' 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 135 
 
 Mrs. Jones, who had come to town with her afflicted sister, 
 was apprehensive lest the present agitating scene at Holloway 
 should seriously atFect Mrs. Hawkes's already much impaired 
 health. She therefore anxiously wisiied to procure for her a 
 temporary shelter, the house of some friend, during this threat- 
 ening storm, which it was hoped would shortly blow over. — 
 Such a temporary shelter she ventured to solicit in the house 
 of Mrs. Hawkes's spiritual father, the Rev. R. Cecil, a request 
 which was readily granted. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HER RESIDENCE IN MR. CECIL'S HOUSE. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1796, TO 1802. 
 
 Friendship subsisting between Mrs. Hawkes and Mrs. Cecil — Habits of 
 Mrs. Hawkes while at Holloway — Sale of the house at Holloway — 
 Her grief occasioned l)y that circumstance — She goes to meet Mr. 
 Hawkes at Portsmouth — Has a narrow escape from being drowned, 
 in bathing — She returns to Mrs. Cecil, then at Clapham — Letter from 
 Mrs. Ely Bates — Remarks un Mrs. Hawkes's keen sense of her sorrows 
 — She resumes the use of her diary — Suffers great depression of spi- 
 rits — Goes to Birmingham — Dangerous illness of Mr. Cecil, in 1798 
 — Mrs. Hawkes visits the Isle of Wight, and comes under the minis- 
 try of the Rev. John Newton — Her happy visit to her sisters — She re- 
 turns to London — Accompanies Mrs. Cecil to Chobham — Is seized 
 with illness, and obliged to return to town — Expectation of death 
 through the Summer of 1801 — Visit of Mrs. Jones, who provides for 
 Mrs. Hawkes's removal from Little James Street — Mrs. Hawkes's 
 memorandum on leaving Mr. Cecil's house. 
 
 The close and intimate friendship which subsisted between 
 Mrs. Hawkes and Mrs. Cecil, has already been mentioned. 
 Never were two friends more capable of appreciating each 
 other. The prominent features in Mrs. Cecil's character were 
 benignity, generosity, maternal tenderness, and charity. Mrs. 
 Hawkes's present circumstances called these dispositions into 
 delightful exercise; and Mrs. Cecil experienced an increase 
 of her own happiness, in that ready flow of sympathy, with 
 which she welcomed to her house a beloved friend ; an event 
 which took place the latter end of October, 1796. 
 
136 MEMOIRS OF >IRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 In order to conceive properly of Mrs. Hawkes's feelings on 
 this occasion, her whole character and circumstances must be 
 taken into the account. There were certain restrainino- con- 
 siderations, which interfered witli her entire complacency in 
 this friendly arrangement. Her warmest gratitude was, in 
 some measure, overpowered by a keen sensibility, shrinking 
 from obligation, in proportion to the sense of favours conferred. 
 That delicacy of feeling, which accompanied her strength of 
 mind would naturally revolt at any, even apparent encroach- 
 ment on generous friendship; while her quick aj)prehension 
 was more than alive to the inconvenience which might attend 
 the increase of an already large family. It must also be ac- 
 knowledged, that the love of independence w-as a prominent fea- 
 ture in Mrs. Hawkes's character: nor was it in the power of 
 human kindness to tranquillize her mind under her present ac- 
 cumulated afflictions. Divine consolations alone could have 
 supported her ; and that these were not wanting in this hour of 
 extremity, the following memorandum bears testimony. 
 
 Holloicay, Oct. 1796. — ''The experience this day is, " He 
 healelh the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." — 
 The hand of special grace has been stretched out to lift me 
 above surrounding billows. Everything around says, ' Es- 
 cape, daughter, escape :' and faith and hope provide the plank 
 that shall convey me safe to shore. ' The name of ihe Lord is 
 a strong tower.' Here let me seek shelter, and leave the storm 
 to God." 
 
 Hopes were at first entertained that the house at Flolloway 
 might be preserved. Six months passed in this state of uncer- 
 tainty. But in the end it appeared, that prompt and efficient 
 assistance could not be procured. During this interval of pain- 
 ful suspense, Mrs. Jones expresses her sympathy with her sis- 
 ter, in the following letter, and endeavours to suggest considera- 
 tions of encouragement. She writes: — 
 
 *' My heart grieves to hear how my dear sister's sufferings 
 abound, and my spirit falls prostrate to hear liow her supports 
 abound also. The anchor of hope is invaluable: but its 
 worth is only known in a storm. God says, prove me ; and 
 when the Holy Spirit aids the proof, great is the rejoicing in 
 Christ Jesus. Suspense is, indeed, the most trying situation 
 the mind can be in; and the most favourable to the increase 
 of faith. The noble army of martyrs have stood there, and 
 found firm footing ; or rather lay there, in loathsome dungeons. 
 They leaned on your Father's arm, and his arm is not short- 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 179G TO 1802. 137 
 
 ened. He now calls upon you to prove its strength: He will 
 be glorified by the manifestation of his mifrhty power. We 
 may not say unto God, ' What doest Thou?' We can only 
 hang on his attributes, and contemplate this truth, ' He cannot 
 deny Himself.' Nothing but the mighty power of God can 
 save his afflicted ones from murmuring, under the repeated 
 strokes of his chastening rod. 
 
 " Do not faint, my dear sister ; strength shall be afforded. 
 The Lord is able to comfort his children ; and in every stroke, 
 he says to them, ' believe in me,' my name and character is 
 love. Your debilitated state leads you to view every event on 
 the dark side: but when your nerves are braced, I am per- 
 suaded you will see that you are privileged 'beyond the com- 
 mon walk of men.' To be taken into friendship with the 
 Father, Son, and Spirit, and daily to enjoy divine intercourse 
 under the strongest assurances of infallible direction and super- 
 intendence in the smallest contingencies in life : to be placed 
 under the care, kindness, and benevolence, of one of the most 
 honourable in God's vineyard ; to have so many friends that 
 tenderly love and highly value you; with much more that 
 might be said upon this subject, — are favours few can boast. 
 The afleclionate kindness of^your friends is quite unparalleled: 
 nor could you have bought it; but it is given you by an 
 Almighty friend, as an earnest, a pledge of love, and a part of 
 the ' all things ' which are in his gift. Whensoever your heart 
 is afraid, remember his loving-kindness, who says, ' 1 will 
 never leave nor forsake thee.' " 
 
 The year 1797 was opening before Mrs. Hawkes with pros- 
 pects the most painful, and eventful. Hitherto she had found, 
 in her retreat at Holloway, manv resources and alleviations. 
 Domestic duties furnished her with amusing employment ; her 
 still greater delight was in that retirement, which afiibrded op- 
 portunity for solid reading, and religious exercises. She had 
 an excessive thirst for knowledge, both spiritual and intellec- 
 tual ; to obtain which, it was her general custom to rise at five 
 o'clock in the morning, at all seasons of the year, having, in 
 winter, her fire prepared for being lighted by herself, be- 
 fore others were awake, it was this desire for instruction, 
 which made her anxious to secure the society of select Chris- 
 tian friends at her house. A taste for the country made her 
 enter, with delight, into every rural scene, and derive enjoy- 
 ment from every little flower which grew in her garden : while 
 a natural benevolence, and generosity of character, inclined 
 12* 
 
138 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 her to acts and expressions of kindness to all around. At 
 Holloway, Mrs. Hawkes was laying up a store of knowledge, 
 which proved of essential use to her in after life, and helped 
 to sustain her mind under the change of circunDstances which 
 awaited her; — for her beloved retreat was to he taken from 
 her. In the month of April, the house at Holloway, with 
 every thing that belonged to it, was sold ; and Mrs. Havvkes 
 was called to renounce all — whether of affluence or comfort — 
 and to be without a home. 
 
 The following memorandum exhibits the spirit in which she 
 was preparing to meet this painful catastrophe. 
 
 " Instead of fainting under the stroke, I would cry, Let the 
 refiner do his work, even though the furnace be made seven 
 times hotter. Let the dross be burnt up, that 1 may come out 
 purified as gold. Enable me to endure chastisement, to re- 
 ceive it as to the design of it; to take it up willingly ; and to 
 show a proper disposition under it, though touched to the quick. 
 * When my heart is overwhelmed within me, lead me to the 
 Rock that is higher than L' " 
 
 Mr. Havvkes being considered a mnn of good property, Mrs. 
 Hawkes's private fortune had not been settled upon her; con- 
 sequently it was all lost in the general wreck. Her faith was 
 now to be put to the most severe trial. She was to have no 
 inheritance, no, " not so much as to set the sole of her foot 
 upon." But she was yet blessed, and to be a blessing to that 
 household where a kind and wise Providence had, for the pre- 
 sent, fixed the bounds of her habitation ; and to the happiness 
 of which she so greatly contributed, during an interval of six 
 years. To assist Mrs. Cecil, under her delicacy of health, 
 and increasing family; to become the beloved instructress of 
 her children ; and to fulfil every office by which real and afiec- 
 tionate friendship could manifest itself: — was her unremitting 
 exercise, previous to those severe bodily sufferings, which con- 
 fined her for many years to a sick chamber. 
 
 Though Mrs. Hawkes was feelingly alive to the merciful al- 
 leviations afforded, especially in the shelter provided under Mr. 
 Cecil's roof, yet the keen sense she had of the painful facts of 
 her case, caused a depression of spirits, which sympathy could 
 not remove, though it might alleviate. She was conscious of 
 her weakness in this respect. During the interval of painful 
 suspense previous to the sale at Holloway, in addressing a 
 friend who, with much kindness and wisdom, was acting as her 
 representative there, she writes as follows: — 
 
 " I hope when you see me melancholy, you will always re- 
 
ciiAr. IV — FROM A. D. 1T9G TO 1802. 139 
 
 member it is a very serious defect in my character. Were I 
 as I ought to be, nothing, with my privileges, and eternal pi 
 pects, would sink my spirits : but I am frail ; may you, 
 dear friend, escape my pains, and my weakness." 
 
 OS- 
 
 mv 
 
 About the month of July, Mrs. Hawkes went, for a short 
 time, to Portsmouth, where Mr. Hawkes had some opening 
 prospects : while there, she was very ill. She had also a 
 narrow escape from being drowned while bathing, as appears 
 by the following memorandum : — 
 
 Portsmouth^ July 19, 1797. — "By the special providence 
 of God, I was this day delivered from the very jaws of death. 
 A sudden movement of the bathing machine, threw me violently 
 down the steps into the sea. The machine was drawn very 
 swiftly up the beach, while the waves carried me some way 
 further into the sea. I expected to be soon launched into the 
 wide ocean. When most wonderfully, I know not how, I felt 
 myself drifted by the waves back again; and turning on my 
 hands and knees, 1 crept towards the shore. But as no assist- 
 ance was near, I every moment expected a returning wave to 
 sweep me away for ever. In this situation,! cried, ' Lord 
 save me'?' and to his saving help it alone belongs, that I am 
 alive at this moment, to record his wonderful deliverance. 
 
 " The attendants, though wishing to put the best face upon 
 the affair, seemed involuntarily to assure me, that they had 
 given me up for lost I and my kind friend M. M., in the midst 
 of her distress, never more expecting to see me, save as a 
 corpse, began to say to herself concerning me, ^now her troubles 
 are all over !' 
 
 " But a wise and over-ruling Providence had otherwise deter- 
 mined ; and only presented death to my view, without giving 
 me into its power. I am deeply impressed with this truth, that 
 there is but a step between life and death ; and that true wis- 
 dom consists in standing at all times prepared for the awful 
 change. The voice of this deliverance is, (and oh, may I have 
 ears to hear!) 'Let your loins be girded about, and your lights 
 burning.' Luke xii. 34 — 43 ; also Psalm cxxi. seems parti- 
 cularly appropriate ; and as the Lord hath so wonderfully pre- 
 served my going out and coming in, I trust he will for ever 
 watch over his unworthy creature for good." 
 
 Amidst the various difficulties with which Mrs. Hawkes was 
 surrounded at Portsmouth, she wrote to Mr. Cecil for advice, 
 who replied as follows : — 
 
 * I cannot express what I feel for your present indisposition, 
 
140 MEMOIRS OF MRS, IIAWKES. 
 
 in a situation so difficult as you describe ; and therefore shall 
 say nothing more upon it than this, that I know when Mrs. C. 
 (who is now absent from town) sees your letter, she will feel 
 vei;y impatient for your return ; and I, as your minister, ought 
 to counsel you not to act from false standards, as if your re- 
 turning sooner than you intended looked like caprice. It is 
 enough for us to do our duty ; but we cannot do that in many 
 cases, if we will act only as we can explain every particular 
 action ; especially does this hold in matters that are not at all 
 of a moral, but merely of a circvmstaniial nature. I hope 
 therefore, you will stay no longer than is necessary for your 
 own, or Mr. Hawkes's satisfaction ; and as I write for my wife 
 as well as myself, I can assure you most sincerely, that your 
 return will afford solid satisfaction and pleasure to us. 
 
 'I am sure, (averse as I am to give my notes,) that I ought 
 to refuse you nothing that can be of use to you in present cir- 
 cumstances : — tlierelbre take the following as a great favour, 
 which would have been (1 believe) denied at any other time. 
 
 Luke xxi. 19. "In your patience possess ye your souls." 
 ' These words were addressed to the disciples with respect to 
 certain impending trials. If any one present feels himself not 
 liable to trouble, loss, temptation, death, — let him go away this 
 morning, and say, the minister took a subject which had no re- 
 lation to my case : but if " man is born to trouble as the sparks 
 fly upward," if he is liable to lose possession of himself under 
 it, then let him pray to possess his soul in patience. 
 
 I. What is it for a Christian to possess his soul in trying 
 times? 
 
 'A Christian — for the words are addressed to believers: — 
 " Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles ?" — It im- 
 plies, 
 
 1st. Recollection. Nehemiah — " Should such a man as I 
 flee?" Neh. vi. 11. 
 
 2dly. Dependence. Jehoshaphat — " Our eyes are up unto 
 thee." 2 Chron. xx. 12. — Three children in the furnace, Dan. 
 iii. 16. 
 
 3dly. Submission to the dispensation. Job — " The Lord 
 gave," «fec. — Daniel in the den of Lions. Paul, " Behold I go 
 bound," &c. 
 
 4thly. Readiness to perform the duties of it, however diffi- 
 cult. — Esther's reply to Mordecai. Esther iv. 16. 
 
 5thly. Disregard to the constructions of a blind world ; and 
 
CHAP. IV. FKOU A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 141 
 
 returning good for evil. Instance, Christ — "Father forgive 
 them." Stephen — " Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." 
 
 ' The words of the text are, as if Christ should say, A dread- 
 ful shock is approaching; (see the description through the chap- 
 ter,) but whatever you sutfer or lose, do not lose youkselves. 
 " Let patience have its perfect work." Like Moses, endure as 
 *' seeing him who is invisible." 1 have laid a foundation for 
 this. See ver. 18. Stand still, theretore, and see the salva- 
 tion of the Lord. 
 
 IL How the soul is to be possessed. 
 
 ' Not by stoical Insensibility — ambitious hardness — pagan 
 vain-glory ; but in Christian patience, arising out of faith on a 
 Divine assurance; see ver. 18. 
 
 * Christian virtues are a chain. Rom. v. 1 — 5. 
 
 * Stoical virtue may look like a Christian, but is as a shining 
 counterfeit. Your patience must be distinct from theirs. God 
 looks at motives — principles — as roots of fruit he commends. 
 
 ' It is the Spirit of Christ which must unite us to Christ, from 
 whom alone our fruit is found. This is the suffering Spirit of 
 Christ, in the members of Christ. Heb. xii. A holy quiet, 
 calm repose, solid peace, believing resignation, well-grounded 
 fortitude. 
 
 " I see," said the ancient disciple, " a horrid tumult coming 
 on, but I must endeavour to keep it from entering my heart. 
 I must remember his words, or I shall lose myself. It may 
 distract, — no maiter: — this is no affair of mine; He has said, 
 ' Thy shoes shall be iron and brass — and as thy days, so shall 
 thy strength be.' Lord, undertake for me in that day ! keep 
 me in possession of my soul, whatever else i am stripped of." 
 
 'Thus also a modern true disciple will be instructed, and 
 will say, — I (as well as the disciples of old) must meet with 
 many things that nothing but faith and patience can meet: here 
 is my text, what have I lost already for want of studying it! 
 what did I lose on this occasion, and that, by first losing my- 
 self/ 
 
 'Under losses, temptations, persecutions, how much more 
 have I lost by first losing my temper and patience, than by the 
 things which disturbed me! Now let me look at Christ, exem- 
 plifying his own rule in life and death. Let me see his first 
 followers and martyrs, in every age, treading in his steps I I 
 feel, if I were but right within^ all would be tolerable without. 
 Grant me but faith and patience, and do what thou wilt with 
 the world about me. 
 
 ' Thus we see, that it is easy to say to a man in trouble, — 
 
142 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 *' be patient, be quiet ;" — but the word of God, and the grace 
 of God alone can make him so. Christ shews the ground, and 
 gives the ability (see ver. 18, 19,) and this will meet the events 
 of Eternity as well as time. Application : — 
 
 1. Let the peevish children of an indulging Providence learn, 
 from this subject, to correct their habits — (a nursery of chil- 
 dren raging on every denial or disappointment, compared with 
 too many professing families) husbands — wives — children — 
 servants — addressed particularly. One Christian jwssessing 
 his sovl among them, a light in a dark place. Who is this? 
 What is his secret ? 
 
 2. Look to Jesus to give efficacy to his own rule. The text 
 is not only a holy feature in Christianity, but also a very grand 
 one. 
 
 ' Illustration — a rock in storms. 
 
 " His hand the good man fastens on the skies, 
 And bids earth roll, nor feels her idle whirl." 
 
 « But if he does so, it is not merely because he has the rule, but 
 also the sjnrit. Instance, Paul — " not I, but the grace of God 
 which is in me ;" Moses — " by faith he endured as seeing him 
 who is invisible." 
 
 « Contemplate therefore the example of Christ, but pray for 
 strength tVom Christ. 
 
 3. He that is now enabled to possess his soul in patience, 
 shall eventually possess all things. Heb. vi. 12, 9,' 
 
 In the beginning of October, JMrs. Hawkes left Portsmouth, 
 and joined Mrs. Cecil at Battersea Rise. The late Plenry 
 Thornton, Esq. had kindly otiered the use of his house, during 
 an interval in which it was vacant, to Mr. Cecil's family ; and 
 in this quiet retreat Mrs. Hawkes enjoyed much repose : while 
 there, she received a letter from Mrs. Ely Bales, from which 
 the following is an extract : — 
 
 " Very glad was I to hear that Mrs. Cecil was at Clapham : 
 but still more am I glad to find that you are with her, and do- 
 ing for her the only thing that, as a means, could be useful to 
 her. Surely you are a gift of God to her in her very delicate 
 state : — may his blessing accompany your labor of love. It is 
 a delightful thing to feel ourselves in His order; a single /owc/t 
 then has effect; while much that is wrought, with perhaps 
 great labour out of it, comes to nothing. This shews what 
 poor judges we are of usefulness. The world is linked together 
 
CHAP. IV. — FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 143 
 
 (as far as union prevails), by wants and kindnesses. But that 
 there should be such a link between heaven and earth, ou'rht 
 to penetrate our hearts with adoration and gratitude! Me- 
 thinks it ought to give us another view of this world than we 
 often have, to behold a ladder reaching from it to heaven ! It 
 is not a forsaken world : we stand related to infinite perfection 
 and excellence ; and this involves in it such a seed of happi- 
 ness and glory, as only wants developing, to raise our hopes 
 and joys above sublunary objects. This would really infuse 
 gladness, raise exj)ectation, and draw forth the soul to action — 
 to follow hard after God. Oh that it may do so ?" 
 
 Mr. Cecil has remarked, that we may judge of a Christian's 
 experience rather by the tenor, than the ferment. The 
 next three or four years of Mrs. Hawkes's life, seem to ac- 
 cord with the latter description. The reader must be prepared 
 to contemplate her as passing under a cloud. The sorrowful 
 impressions which her trials produced, were perhaps /oo ^rea/, 
 when viewed in connexion with the scripture admonition, "and 
 they that weep, as though they wept not," 1 Cor. viii. 30. 
 We shall presently see her emerging from this cloud, and 
 shining with a steady brightness to the end of her course, — 
 There is a tendency in troubles and disappointments, at first, 
 to surprise and overset the mind ; though when sanctified, 
 they ultimately lead to rest in Christ, the Vue ark. Nor can 
 the greatness of sufl^ering be always estimated by the apparent 
 cause; the impression it makes upon the mi^f^ of the sufferer 
 must be taken into the account. When under the immediate 
 pressure of affliction, we are apt to suppose, with Job, that our 
 " wound is incurable." (chap, xxxiv. 6.) Corrupt nature nat- 
 urally inclines to fret, and rise up against trouble in every 
 form ; — and there must be time for an afflicted mind, which 
 like the mariner's needle, under agitation, loses its fixed direc- 
 tion, to recover from such disturbance. Every painful dispensa- 
 tion is like a fresh task in the heavenly school. Hezekiah 
 seems to have felt this when he said, " Like a Crane or a 
 Swallow, so did I chatter; I did mourn sore like a dove." 
 But after more calm reflection, he asks, " What shall I say?" 
 what is faith's estimate? " He that hath both spoken to me, 
 and himself hath done it; O Lord, by these things men live, 
 and in all these things is the life of my spirit." The afflic- 
 tions, conflicts, and temptations, through which the children of 
 
144 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 God are called to pass, produce not only patience, but also 
 gain experience, and acquaintance with the inward evils of the 
 heart ; which design is intimated, Deut. viii. 2. When reflect- 
 ing upon the pain with w^hich this experience has, sometimes, 
 been wrought out in others, we may perhaps think, that in 
 similar circumstances, we should have felt less, mourned less, 
 repined less; but it should be remembered, that the measure 
 of suffering attendant on any dispensation, is a part of the ap- 
 pointment ; and that God registers the believer's conflicts and 
 sufferings, as i^eal. Ps. Ivi. 8. 
 
 We now return to Mrs. Hawkes's diary, in which few in- 
 sertions had lately been made. Probably she did not choose 
 to put down on paper what so greatly oppressed her mind : — 
 
 Jan. 1798, Little James Street. — " 1 would endeavour this 
 year to resume the use of my common-place book: but my 
 mind yet continues too much disturbed to make any connected 
 reflections. Through the year 1797, I have had so many 
 waves to struggle with, as to be scarcely able to keep my 
 head above water : and though the swelling of the flood a lit- 
 tle subsides, yet I am still upon an unknown and deep sea. 
 * Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me.' 
 
 " I am thankful that my" faith is not suffered entirely to fliil. 
 I sometimes lay hold of a promise, like a child in a dark night, 
 who seizes the parent's hand which he cannot see; and his 
 fears make him grasp it harder. Were my faith stronger, I 
 should have fewer fears; but to be enabled to lay hold of 
 God's almighty arm at all, is an infinite mercy. If his 'rough 
 wind were not stayed in the day of the east wind,' surely my 
 spirit must fail under its great sorrows. 
 
 "I never expected to understand, as I now do, what persons 
 in trouble meant by disliking letters. My whole frame shakes 
 at the sound of a post-knock, lest there should be some sad 
 tidiniis for me. Oh that I had grace to understand that pro- 
 miser 'He shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, 
 trusting in the Lord.' ' He only lives an unchangeable life, that 
 by faith can live on an unchnngeable God.' " 
 
 Feb. 10. — " ' When my father and my mother forsake me, 
 the Lord taketh me up.' This I am sure has been my experi- 
 ence. In a dreadful tempest that has swept away all my 
 pleasant things, God has graciously provided a shelter for me, 
 and found me the kindest parents, brothers, and sisters, friends, 
 in the whole world. Nothing can equal the tenderness I ex- 
 perience every hour of the day in this Christian house. I am 
 ashamed and confounded that I am not more thankful : — that 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 145 
 
 my heart so steals to its former much-loved haunts. How 
 many have my afflictions, without my mercies ! 
 
 * When I would comfort myself against sorrow, my heart is 
 faint in me.' 
 
 " Oh my sweet home ! — my lovely fields ! — my secret cham- 
 ber ! How often have I fled like an affrighted bird to your sa- 
 cred retirement! — how often poured out tears of anguish, and 
 received comforts which the world could neither give nor take 
 away ! 
 
 " I thought myself more secure in my home, because it was 
 given me in a time of deep trouble, and in answer to many 
 prayers : — because, in the best manner I could, I dedicated 
 it to God; and promised that, as far as I could ensure, it 
 should never be made the reception of the gay and the giddy. 
 
 "Witness ye solitary walks! ye walls and beams of my 
 chamber! if 1 took any delight in you equal to that of holding 
 sweet intercourse with an unseen, but to me, gracious and 
 present God and Saviour! My pleasures were sacred plea- 
 sures ; and such as made large amends for many troubles. I 
 had much leisure, but always found the day too short for my 
 employ. Beloved spot! how can I bear the thought of giving 
 it up ! my imagination visits every corner,— counts every pain 
 of glass ; — nothing is too minute to be remembered. Rather 
 let my recollection retrace my former dedication, when I first 
 took possession of that retreat, and mark with shame my de- 
 viations. ' Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened that it 
 cannot save ; nor his ear heavy that he cannot hear.' 
 
 " I endeavour to call to remembrance some of my hitter 
 things at Holloway. 1 had many, very many;— but the bitter 
 was so much sweetened by manifold mercies, that I ouaht to 
 have felt nothing but thankfulness : whereas, I often ^mur- 
 mured. 
 
 " Great trials prove what strength we have. I have been 
 greatly deceived in myself herein ;\and have thought far more 
 highly of myself than I ought to think: for 1 thought, that be- 
 cause I was enabled to weather the trials and tniubles I then 
 had, with some degree of courage, and even through all, gen- 
 erally, to go on my way rejoicing, that I did great things ; and 
 that whatever might befal, I should never be cast down, or af- 
 frighted. But now where is my strength ? It is very weakness. 
 Now where is my triumph ? I am become dumb. Evermore 
 after this, I must lay my hand upon my mouth. It is easy to 
 be joyous in sunshine. I fear I have been very prone to self, 
 conceit and high mindedness. 
 
 la 
 
146 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " The flesh is ready to cry out, ' It is hard :' such a one, 
 and such a one, is exempt from my afflictions, they dwell among 
 their own people, and can lie down at night upon their own pil- 
 low, none making them afraid. But woe be to me, if after all the 
 experience 1 have had, Satan prevails to make me think my 
 Saviour a hard master. No ! whom he lovelh he chasteneth. 
 It is not for a sinner to say, Why may I not have this or that? 
 and therefore, it is not for me. My afflictions are far less 
 than I deserve, and my mercies far above my highest expec- 
 tations. 
 
 " Never say, I have no propensity to this or that particular 
 failing,— stay, till that trial or temptation comes, to prove it. 
 
 " In recolfecting seasons and scenes that are past, the plea- 
 sant things only are present to the mind ; the painful are for- 
 gotten, or leave but a slight impression. The conviction of 
 this, should be moderate present grief." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's reverting in these memorandums to tlie joys 
 she possessed, as well as to the sorrows she endured, at Hol- 
 lovvay, suggests the reflection, that perhaps one of the designs 
 which God has in afflicting his people, is to cause them to con- 
 sider wisely o^h\s past dealings with them. Every mitiga- 
 tion of suffering, towards a creature who deserves hell, every 
 good with which evil is intermixed, demands that " sacrifice of 
 praise to God continually," which is "the fruit of our lips." 
 This sacrifice we must on no account withhold under any 
 pressure of affliction ; for let the sufferings of the present time 
 be as great as they may, still, " It is of the Lord's mercies 
 that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 
 They are new every morning." " But no chastisement for 
 the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous :" it is after- 
 ward, that it " yieldelh the peaceable iVuit of righteousness 
 unto them who are exercised thereby :" and the subject of this 
 Memoir lived to exemplify this special benefit of affliction in an 
 eminent degree. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's diary contains many passages abounding in 
 expressions of gratitude towards that family in which she was 
 now residing. Such passages would have been withheld from 
 the public, did not justice to the sentiments of Mrs. H. require 
 that they should not bo wholly omitted. And it is to be remem- 
 bered, that those whom they princij ally concern, are removed 
 beyond the reach of human applause. 
 
 'March 17, 1798.—" David says, * I said in my haste all 
 men are liars.' Is it not in my haste that I am ready to say, 
 ♦ All my pleasant things are taken away ; I shall see no more 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 147 
 
 comfortable daysl' Yes, it is surely in haste; — for my plea- 
 sant things are not all taken away ; I have yet the pre- 
 cious Gospel; I have still the kindest and truest friends; I 
 have, even under present darkness, a blessed prospect of an 
 eternal home ; 1 have, then, far more cause for praise than 
 for mourning. 
 
 " It is a most singular favour that I should, at this time be ad- 
 mitted into this family. As my mind has a thousand secret 
 avenues to pain, so my dearest friends have a thousand kind 
 devices to avert its approach : so much delicacy of apprehen- 
 sion, so much refined generosity, so much true parental regard, 
 I should never have dared to expect. Behold, ' this is the 
 Lord's doing,' and it is truly marvelous in my eyes. May I 
 never forget the first, sovereign, and bountiful disposer, — nor 
 be unmindful of the willing handa that dispense his goodRess." 
 
 March 25, lAftle James Street. — " How hidden are the 
 feelings of an afflicted mind I How far from being under- 
 stood by the gross or the hard! 
 
 " I received exquisite comfort to-day, because my kindest 
 friends seemed unwilling I should accept an invitation to spend 
 the day out; and because they repeatedly charged me to 
 * make haste home,' What! said my yearning heart, have I 
 then yet a home? Have I, in this wide world, such as really 
 care for me? May every poor desolate creature find such a 
 home, and such comforters ! and may such kindness be re- 
 turned a thousandfold into their own bosoms! If a cup of 
 cold water, given in Christ's name, or for his sake, shall not 
 lose its reward, what reward shall be given for the 'oil and 
 the wine' that is given me in such abundance." 
 
 March 24. — " Some very valuable friends in town show me 
 much kindness. Sympathy and tenderness is truly all that is 
 worth desiring in this poor world. At least there is nothing 
 else, of earthly growth, so desirable; nor is this of earthly 
 growth, for I never saw it firm, uniform, and unremitted, but 
 when it grew from a divine stock, and had its root in religion. 
 
 " My revered minister remarked yesterday ; — 
 
 ' In affliction, be careful not to go over your troubles alone. 
 It is very hurtful to look on trouble but as you look on God in 
 Christ at the same time. Peter took his eye oW Christ, and 
 looked at the waters, and immediately he began to sink. 
 
 ' The Christian, like his Master, must overcome the world ; 
 and one method of doing so, is to submit to painful dispensa- 
 tions with patience and resignation, — " Looking to Jesus.-" 
 
148 
 
 ME3I0IKS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ' In difficult times, our care concerning the events o[ \he day, 
 should be swallowed up in a care about the duties of the day. 
 
 ' To be under trouble, and to know how to act under trouble, 
 is a distinct thing. Christ teaches us how to receive the cup 
 of suffering. He says, " learn of me;" see how I took a cup 
 more bitter than you can have. I was to drink it in darkness, 
 and under my Father's frown. Every Christian may tell to 
 God his tale of woe, which no ear besides may hear. The 
 most severe sufferings often arise from causes which cannot be 
 told even to the nearest friend; interior, deep, inexorable. But 
 this should suffice, " 1 have chosen thee in the furnace of af- 
 fliction ;" i. e. made thee a choice one.' 
 
 During Mrs. Hawkes's abode at Mr. Cecil's house, she gen- 
 erally passed a part of the summer either in the Isle of Wight 
 — where Mr. Hawkes occasionally resided — or with M rs. Jones, 
 at Birmingham. In the following letter, Mrs. Jones expresses 
 the pleasure with which she was now anticipating her sister's 
 visit ; and at the same time, endeavours to direct ]\jrs. Hawkes's 
 views to the bright side of her present dispensation. She 
 writes ; — 
 
 " I am glad to think that one more fortnight will bring my 
 loved sister to my house ; though I also know, that the plea- 
 sure of our meeting depends wholly upon Him who governs 
 contingencies. The want of his presence, no earthly enjoy- 
 ment could supply : but we will look in faith for future favours, 
 since past mercies have been so bountifully afforded. A daily 
 increase in faith and love, is what my soul longs for ; and, I 
 hope, we shall mutually strive for the faith of the gospel. 
 
 " Amidst all the storms through which you are passing, I am 
 glad to hear that you hold so firmly to your anchor. May no 
 tempestuous blast be permitted to wrest you from it. It is a 
 happy thing to be kept from choosing, to which we are all na- 
 turally inclined ; and we have often much cause to repent of 
 our choice. Your heavenly Father knoweth w hat things you 
 have need of, and therefore he has determined for you ; and, 
 sure I am, it is his gracious intention to make you happy in the 
 lot of his appointment. How unfavourably soever your tem- 
 poral affairs may have seemed to terminate, their grand and 
 final termination is within the veil, and will be made fully mani- 
 fest when Christ appears in his glory. Then, my dear sister, 
 shall the saints put on their beautiful garments. Our Saviour 
 appeared as " a man of sorrows" all the time that he sojourned 
 here below. He was poor, destitute, without habitation, or 
 where to lay his head. Oh, how differently do men and an- 
 
CHAP. IV^ FROM A. D. 1796 to 1802. 149 
 
 gels look upon the same object! May the spiritual eye of my 
 beloved sister be so enli(,fhtcned by the Holy Ghost, that she 
 may say, Most gladly do I proceed in this sanctified and holy 
 walk, in which Christ, and so many of his disciples, have gone 
 before me. 
 
 " I cannot express the consolation it gives me, to think of 
 the kind hands which have been already stretched out to re- 
 ceive you. May you never experience the want of such a sis- 
 ter and mother as dear Mrs. Cecil ; nor lose the aid of such a 
 father and friend as Mr. Cecil. You have the security of 
 God's attributes for all things needful for life and godliness. 
 He can never want the modes of conveyance, who has all na- 
 ture at his beck. If he says, ' Behold thy mother, or thy sis- 
 ters,' — a home is provided. 
 
 '* How is all glorying taken from the creature, under every 
 display of Divine condescension ! When the love of God in 
 Christ Jesus rises as the glorious sun, dispelling with its pow- 
 erful beams, all the fogs of sin, and mists of corruption, we 
 are ready to look at the spot upon which it shines, as if that 
 possessed some superior excellence. No, — the earth is still an 
 earthly clod ; if it is made more fruitful in one spot than ano- 
 ther, it is entirely owing to the vivifying influence of the ce- 
 lestial fire. 
 
 " How kind is Mr. Newton to hail you on your way ! So 
 diffusive, and ready to communicate, are men of Christian 
 love: — but theirs is a poor society to the * general assembly' 
 which awaits you. With such prospects let us rejoice ever- 
 more !" 
 
 Mrs. Jones here refers to the fact, that Mr. Newton being 
 at Mr. Cecil's house, and hearing while at dinner, that Mrs. 
 Hawkes was confined to her bed with illness, immediately rose 
 up, saying to Mrs. Cecil, " you should have told me before," 
 (meaning before dinner). And he then proceeded directly to 
 the apartment where Mrs. Hawkes was, and falling on his 
 knees, offered up prayers for her. When he returned to the 
 dining-room, he observed, — " Great characters are not made 
 by walking on carpets." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes passed the months of May, June, and July, at 
 Mrs. Jones's house. She thus records, in her diary, the satis- 
 faction procured to her by this visit : — 
 
 Birmingham, May, 1798. — " Surely mercy and goodness 
 follow me in every place 1 The kindness of my dear sister, 
 and her whol^ family, is greater to me now than ever. I plainly 
 13* 
 
150 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 see that she consults my comfort, morning, noon, and night. 
 1 have escaped many things in this journey, and in this place, 
 which I had great reason to fear. Oh that I could live by the 
 day, and care less about to-morrow ! Hut still the morrow, 
 and the morrow, will come like a heavy burden. My mind 
 and spirits are here greatly relieved by leisure, reading, and 
 quiet." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's society was so much valued by all at Little 
 James Street, that her occasional absence became a subject of 
 regret: this is naturally expressed in a letter that followed her 
 to Birmingham, in which Mrs. Cecil writes : — 
 
 " I was greatly unhinged by the departure of my dearest sis- 
 ter and friend, and wandered about from room to room, I knew 
 not why, saying, 'Where is Mrs. Hawkes?' Nor are these 
 feelings peculiar to me only ; for your absence is deeply felt by 
 all around me. The harps of my Utile ones hang on the wil- 
 lows : they say. Mamma, when will Mrs. Hawkes come back? 
 I tell them she had leave to go only for one monlli, she will 
 soon be here again. 
 
 " Since you have been away, Mr. C. and myself have been 
 planning to make your abode with us more comfortable, than 
 it has hitherto been, from the want of a spare bed-room. We 
 have made an arrangement, and the carpenters are now at 
 work, and before your month is expired, your room will be 
 completed, and will stand solitary till you return to occupy it. 
 Your comfort has always been dear U) me: but I must ever 
 despair of atl()rding you the interesting and improving society 
 which you find in Mrs. Jones; neither can I afford you equal 
 quiet. Mr. Newton sends his love, and desires me to say he 
 stands to his promise. Mr. Pratt also sends love; and I have 
 so much to send you from every one here, children and serv- 
 ants, that I am afraid I should tire you with particularizing: 
 but 'love is a present for a mighty king.' I should say, as I 
 was desired, that part of the regard is expressed in a wish for 
 your return, which will ever be the desire of, 
 
 «' Your truly afleclionate, 
 
 " J. Cecil." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes now felt very desirous to undertake some em- 
 ployment, which might prevent her from becoming wholly de- 
 pendent on her friends and relatives. This subject, among 
 others, occasioned her much solicitude. She had, at one time, 
 thoughts of opening a boarding school : but there were many 
 
CHAP. IV. — FROM A. D. 17 96, TO 1802. 151 
 
 difficulties in the way, peculiar to her case. Whether she al- 
 ludes, in her next memorandum, to this subject, or to the still 
 perplexed stale of her family affairs, is not certain. 
 
 June, 1798, — "A letter to-day, res[)ecting future prospects, 
 has hurried together a host of cares and anxieties. 1 can only 
 say with Jehoshaphat, * Mine eyes, O Lord, are upon thee ;' — 
 upon thee to direct — to support — to overrule — to protect. I 
 would fain ask somethinji; ; but I am so perplexed, so confused, 
 so much in the dark, that I know not what to ask. ' O Lord, 
 I am oppressed, undertake for me.' 
 
 " When I look at what 1 have to conflict with, from without 
 and from within, my S[)irit sinks, and fear almost overwhelms 
 me. Yet why should I despond, since it is in weakness that 
 my Saviour makes known his strength. It is in difficulties 
 that his wisdom is exhibited. ' Now, Lord, make it appear 
 that thou faintest not, neither art weary ; and that nothing can 
 stand before thee, and be my hindrance. Break through my 
 sins, the greatest hindrance of all ; let not these stop thy way, 
 nor bind thy hands ; I do look to thee, O Saviour; help, I am 
 in trouble.'" 1 
 
 July, 1798. — "Through infinite mercy my path begins, in 
 some degree, to brighten after a cloudy day. Every ' heart 
 knoweth its own bitterness.' None but the benight(?d traveller 
 knows how dreary and fearful, darkness makes a journey, es- 
 pecially if the road be full of pits and precipices; and none 
 but he can tell the comfort of a little ray of light.^^ 
 
 From Mrs. Jones's house, Mrs. Ilawkes went to Weather- 
 oak-Flill, near Birmingham; the estate of her brother-in-law, 
 Mr. Mynors. There she spent a few weeks, before taking her 
 journey to the Isle of Wight, at which place we find her imme- 
 diately after the next memorandum. 
 
 Weather oak Hill, August 1,1 79S. — " Much kindness shown 
 me here. It has been well said, ' Retirement tells us what we 
 sJwuld be, but active life tells us what we are."^ The truth of 
 this I now fully prove. I did, indeed, learn in my former de- 
 lightful seclusion what 1 should be; but I did not know how 
 distant from the mark I was. I was so ignorant of myself as 
 to think, that what I was there, I should be every where. I 
 thought I bore very calmly, and courageously, the daily vexa- 
 tions and difficulties that occurred ; and remember to have of- 
 ten felt, that whatever might happen, want, pain, or sorrow, I 
 
 ' Archbishop Leighton. 
 
152 MEMOIRS or MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 could meet with composure. I recollect to have frequently re- 
 peated many texts of Scripture, relating to a suffering state, 
 (of which I then knew comparatively liitle,) as if I was in full 
 possession of the secret. But now, how is it with me? How 
 do I bear my bereavement, disappointment, difficulty, dark and 
 desolating prospects? How do 1 bear the crossing of my will? 
 How do 1 feel under a stale of dependence, and a mountainous 
 load of obligation ? How do I conduct myself in more active 
 life? Do I take care to maintain secret prayer through my em- 
 ployment? This is the breach of the soul, which when stopped, 
 it dies. Do 1 perform what I have to do cheerfully? Are my 
 tempers meek, gentle, and holy ? or have I not rather a ' stiff 
 neck'' and ' an iron sinew V Do 1 behave to all with patience and 
 humility ? U 1 cannot take pleasure in my dispensation, do I yet 
 fully submit and acquiesce therein, and say, ' The Lord gave, 
 and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the 
 Lord?' Conscience! What of thenight? ' Behold, I am vile; what 
 shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.'" 
 
 Cowes, August 20, 1798. — '' This is a new place. I am 
 here like a sparrow on the house-top. I sit ail the day alone. 
 I see a beautiful scene all around me, and numerous faces, 
 some sad, and some gay : but nothing speaks to my heart, 
 
 " I seem like one shipwrecked, but have a single plank left, 
 which just serves to keep me from sinking. This, from the 
 darkness of the night, I can only, as it were, feel after. 
 Sometimes when I have just got to it, a wave carries it away. 
 What an unspeakable mercy it is to have a plank, and to be 
 assured it shall save at last!" 
 
 While at Cowes, Mrs. Hawkes received a letter from Mr. Ce- 
 cil, in which he writes as follows: — 
 
 " Past eight o'clock on Saturday evening, and weary with ser- 
 monizing, 1 take a resting moment to say, that though we are 
 far asunder, I have communion with you in spirit. We are 
 begotten to the same high and inestimable privileges : we shall 
 soon escape from a world of sin and sorrow. I meet you also 
 at a throne of grace, where the foot of the ladder stands ; and 
 though, as you know, seemingly very cheerful, yet I have my 
 melancholy abstractions; when the world and all it has to offer, 
 appear not only illusions, but tasteless and impertinent to the last 
 degree. You, 1 know, well understand this : and are too ready 
 to meet me here. But, ' Hence, loathed melancholy,' as Mil- 
 ton says; ' Why should the children of a king, go mourning 
 all their days ?' VVe have ten thousand limes more cause for 
 
CHAP. IV. — FR03I A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 153 
 
 rejoicing than for mourning ; and shall soon meet where it shall 
 cease for ever. 
 
 " I am deeply impressed with this truth, — that there is but 
 one subject worth conversing upon, — nameh^, that .Tcsus Christ 
 is the true God and eternal life; and that having given him- 
 self for us, he will withhold from us nothing that is good. 
 
 *' And now, pray, what is liollovvay 1 what is anything? 
 who would get up to a window to look after dirt? I will not 
 waste any more time and paper with so much as conversing 
 about it. 
 
 •' Let met advise you to consider your case the more easy, 
 because it is so ditlicult. Easy things we are ready to under- 
 take ourselves, and find we cannot manage them ; ditficult 
 things we are forced to leave, or commit to God, and thus find 
 them easy. Now, by this logic, (which 1 believe to be very 
 sound,) I have proved that you are a woman in tasij circum- 
 stances. 
 
 " 1 hope your next letter will be to assure us you are coming 
 back soon. My wife desires me to scold you for staying so 
 long, and to say how very solitary she is without you; and 
 this I know is what she really /ec/s. She joins me in warm- 
 est expressions of regard." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkcs had not been long at Cow^es before she was 
 refreshed by the company of a female friend and relative, Miss 
 Mary Milward, a young lady of eminent piety, who has smce 
 been called to her rest, after a long and honourable Christian 
 course, maintained under severe bodily sufferings. It is to 
 her coming, that Mrs. Hawkes refers in the next memoran- 
 dum : — 
 
 " I look out with earnest expectation for M. M. — I shall, in 
 her, have a friend to whom I can speak, and who understands 
 my language. How great the value of that friend that rends the 
 heart, and will not withhold any thing that can he desired that 
 is good ! If [ had more intimate acquaintance with my Saviour, 
 1 should not be so solitary in the absence of other friends." 
 
 Cowes, Sunday^ Sept. 2. — "Oh what Sundays are here! 
 What a church, where Chsist is not preached ! Desolation of 
 desolation! What can flourish where there is no living wa- 
 ter? Who can be hea!ed where there is no Bethesda ? Now, 
 surely, I know something of David's state of mind when 
 he wrote the 84th Psalm. What should 1 do if it were to 
 please God to seperate me for ever from his church and peo- 
 ple ? O heaviest of all calamities ? It would only be accord- 
 
154 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ing to my deserts : but correct me in mercy, O Lord, and 
 not in judgment." 
 
 Sept. 15. — " Much benefitted by reading over the notes of 
 one of Mr. Scott's sermons, on Isaiuh vi. ' Under a view of our 
 vileness, there is danger of despair ; but God only humbles his 
 children in order to raise them. 
 
 ' The prophet had no sooner felt the weight of his iniquities 
 in a proper degree, than they were taken away. " Then flew 
 one of the seraphims unto me having a live coal in his hand; 
 and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips, and thine iniquity is 
 taken away." 
 
 * We should learn the lesson of the day : — The prophet's 
 lesson was hiimilityj not despondencij.'' — This is my lesson 
 for this day, Sept. 15, 1798, — humiliation not desj)ondency ; 
 resignation and silence, not impatience ; a calm waiting 
 upon God ; not quarrelling with his dispensation — though it 
 be ever so painful. Not because it is night, to say it will ne- 
 ver be morning : but to say to my soul under all, " Hope thou 
 in God." This has been my lesson many years, but I have 
 not yet learned the A B C of it." 
 
 Sept. 27. — " Too much cannot be said upon the necessity 
 and advantage of forming good habits of every kind. But as 
 respects the soul, there must be something more than good 
 habits. 1 may be in the habit of praying to God seven 
 times a day, and yet my soul will be stupid and dead, unless 
 there be a ' new, spiritual, supernatural, vital, principle of 
 grace infused into it by the power of the Holy Ghost; ena- 
 bling persons in whom it is, to spiritual, supernatural, vital 
 acts of faith.' 
 
 " Under a conviction of neglect, omissions, deadness, 1 find 
 it not enough to resolve upon greater diligence, and stricter 
 observances. This is making the yr«?7?e of a m.achine: but 
 the spring that sets all in motion must be added, or it will be 
 useless work. 
 
 " O Thou, who knowest all things thou only knowest how 
 I desire to sit down under thy shadow. O set me as a seal 
 upon thine heart, and upon thine arm. Bear up my name, 
 and let me bear thine image. Let nothing separate me from 
 thy love, nor for a moment suspend the communications of thy 
 favour !" 
 
 Cowes, Oct. 3, 1798. — " A day of general rejoicing for Nel- 
 son's victory. But while the multitude is engaged in noisy 
 joy, how many individuals, like myself, are groaning under 
 some private trouble. As for me, 1 am in deep waters ; my 
 
 i 
 
CHAP. IV. FR03I A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 155 
 
 whole frame shakes under present storms; my heart faints under 
 future prospects ! O ' lead me to the rock that is higher than I.' 
 
 " One great advantage 1 find in religion, is, that it gives me 
 an object, which is at all times sufficient to occupy my mind. 
 So that when friends are absent, when I feel alone in the 
 great universe, religion brings me a resource. I remember the 
 time, when to dissipate my mind, oppressed with sorrow, I 
 ran to the theatre, to the public gardens, to company, to any thing 
 for a moment's ease and freedom from thought. A momen- 
 tary ease indeed ! which in the end increased the weight of my 
 burden. I never knew what ease wa§, till I was taught to 
 know and flee to Him, who says, ' Come unto me all ye that 
 are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' And 
 though 1 know but as a babe, yet I do know. He giveth rest 
 when none other can." 
 
 Portsmouth, Oct. 30, 1798 — " ' Even to-day is my com- 
 plaint bitter, my stroke is heavier than my groaning.' Job 
 xxiii. iMy prayer and choice this day, is like that of David, 1 
 Chron. xxi. 13. Out of the different paths which lie before 
 me, I am entirely at a loss to know which is the right one. — 
 I would not consult my own feeling : my desire is to take the 
 consecrated path, the path best pleasing to my heavenlv Fa- 
 ther; for that will be. the most profitable for me. He is mv 
 witness that ' 1 open my cause unto him ;' and ' in all rny 
 ways I endeavour to ' acknowledge Him ;' and to such. He 
 has promised, 'He shall direct ihy paths.' O that I were 
 more like the importunate widow who cried day and nio;ht for 
 help ! 1 have need to cry day and night for faifh in God for 
 the things that pertain to my soul ; and faith also in that which 
 belongs to my body. I know not one moment to what I may- 
 be called the next: trials av»'ait me which way soever I turn. 
 Oh, that 1 could, though but in a small degree, say with the 
 great apostle, 'None of these things move me.' ' 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes returned to London in November; and her 
 tender sympathies were shortly aficr called up afresh, by that 
 dangerous illness with which Mr. Cecil was visited, in the 
 winter of 1798, and which threatened a bereavement to his 
 family and congregation. The incessant attentions of Mrs. H. 
 on this painful occasion were an unspeakable comfort and re- 
 lief to Mrs. Cecil, who was herself in an invalid state: and it 
 appears by the following memorandum, that Mrs. Hawkes's 
 mind became, in a measure diverted from her own sorrows, 
 while she entered deeply into those of others. 
 
156 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Jan. 1799. — " The beginning of this year is most sorrow- 
 ful ! I now cannot think of my own particular concerns. My 
 time, my anxiety, my whole mind is occupied, in the great 
 sufferings of this family. I am truly thankful to be so much 
 favoured, as to be an attendant on my revered minister, my 
 father, and best friend ; though, indeed, the scene is heart- 
 rending. How solemn is a dying-bed ! May 1 never forget 
 the instructions I gain here. I must endeavour to record a 
 gleaning^ of the choice expressions of Mr. Cecil upon his sick- 
 bed ; but my own feelings and views, I have neither time, nor 
 power, to delineate." 
 
 We have however some description of her feelings, expressed 
 at this time in a letter to a friend, to whom she writes : — 
 
 " Since my return to town, I have been a sad witness and 
 sharer of much sorrow. Our revered minister, and my truest 
 friend, has been pronounced, by the physicians, dangerously 
 ill ; and we have had nothing but death before our eyes. You 
 will easily conceive the gloom such an event must shed here; 
 and of the distress of dearest Mrs. Cecil. Such a scene, I 
 never before witnessed ! I think myself much honoured and 
 privileged, in being permitted to assist at this lime of need, 
 and I trust I shall gain many important lessons. A sick and 
 dying-bed, is very instructive and solemn ; and it exhibits 
 most wonderfully the reality and worth of true religion. To 
 behold a mind quiet, resigned, and comforted, in the most pain- 
 ful circumstances, — is a fine sight ! Well might Balaam say, 
 ' Let me die the death of the righteous.' And may you and \ 
 add, let me live their life, for it is the only happy one." 
 
 This painful dispensation lasted about three months; at the 
 end of which, it pleased God to restore Mr. Cecil to a state of 
 convalescence, and enabled him to resume his public ministra- 
 tions. In the month of July following, Mrs. Havvkes was 
 again called by relative duties to the Isle of Wight. The next 
 memorandum in her diary, seems to have been written on the 
 eve of her journey to Portsmouth. 
 
 July, 1799, Little James Street "I am now called in 
 
 ' The *■' gleaninirs^'' here referred to, have already been given to the 
 public in Mr. Cecil's works, under the title, " A Fuag?jkkt written 
 :x Ili.nkss " We are indebted to Mrs. Hawkes for the preservation of 
 some remarks made by Mr. Cecil, at a later period, on the subject of 
 Hope. (See Appendix.) 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 157 
 
 providence to take my third pilgrimage. I should go with 
 more ease of mind, could 1 leave this family, (to whom I am 
 bound by a thousand obligations,) in better health. It is, how- 
 ever, an unspeakable mercy that I do not, as I had much 
 feared, leave a widow and six desolate children, and a widowed 
 church. Farewell, for a season, at least, most honoured, and 
 most justly loved house ! Oh that the dew of heaven may be 
 ever descending thereon ! Here 1 have been made to forget my 
 sorrows ! ' I was a stranger, and they took me in,' for the 
 sake of their great Master, who, astonishing proof of his love! 
 condescends to say, ' Inasmuch as ye did it to one of these 
 little ones, ye did it unto me.' May this gracious Lord reward 
 them a hundred-fold ; for none other can. May he also par- 
 don my want of gratitude to them; and above all, to Himself, 
 for the great benefits, the astonishing favours, I have expe- 
 rienced under this sheltering roof." 
 
 Cowes, July 9 — " It is with shame I confess, that I cannot 
 bring my mind into a proper state of submission, and acqui- 
 escence to my present unsettled state of life. My fears are al- 
 ways awake; my apprehensions cannot be cpiieled. O my 
 gracious Saviour, quiet me in thyself: ihou hast the power to 
 say, ' Peace, be still.' My mind is too solicitous about ' the 
 morrow :' but I have been endeavouring lo venture myself, by 
 faith, upon the deep, mysterious ocean of providence, in the 
 same way that I yesterday was necessitated to venture my- 
 self, half terrified to death, upon a very tempestuous sea, to 
 pass from Portsmouth to Cowes. The vessel seemed to be in 
 great danger. We were tossed from side to side : sometimes 
 lifted high upon a swelling wave, and then suddenly sunk 
 down again into a deep pit. 1 looked round, and saw nothing 
 but terror ; no escape, nor any resource left, but to commit 
 myself to God. 
 
 " Thus would I do while on my present sea of trouble. It 
 is true, wave comes after wave ; I see no prospect, no haven 
 on this side the grave, no track to be seen, no voice to be 
 heard ! But 1 will endeavour to gain a lessson from my voy- 
 age of yesterday, and commit myself, and all my concerns to 
 Him, who will do, nay, who doeth, all things well." 
 
 Cowes, August 4, Sunday. — " To have no longer the pri- 
 vilege of the comfortable ordinances of the sanctuary, is an af- 
 fliction I know not how to meet. 
 
 ' Let me hear thy voice, for sweet is thy voice.' 
 
 " O let me hear thy pardoning voice, — thy restoring, reco- 
 vering voice, — thy strengthening, animating voice. Let me 
 14 
 
158 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 hear thy voice, as Lazarus, John xi. 43. Let me hear thy 
 voice, as Mary, John xix. 15, 17. Let me hear thy voice, as 
 the beloved disciple. Rev. i. 17, 18. Let me hear thy voice, 
 as thy sheep, John x. 27. Let me hear thy voice, as 1 have 
 heard it in better days ; for * sweet was thy voice,' — in the 
 sanctuary — in the Bible — in my secret chamber — in many 
 providences — in my heart. ' The companions hearken to thy 
 voice,' cause me to hear it." 
 
 In Mrs. Hawkes's diary, there next occurs a reference to 
 Lord Duncan's victory at the battle of Camperdown, when the 
 Dutch fleet, at the Texel, surrendered, August 30, 1799. 
 
 " Great rejoicings on account of the surrender of the Dutch 
 fleet. That will be a day of truest joy to me when I can make 
 a full surrender of my heart, and my will, to its only King and 
 Saviour. When the reign of sin has submitted to the reign of 
 grace ; when my spiritual enemies, if not driven out, shall be 
 made captives, and be bound in chains. And above all, joy- 
 ful day ! when ' death shall be swallowed up in victory,' when 
 ♦this mortal shall put on immortality.' " 
 
 Sept. 1. " All the time I prayed this morning — which 
 through the help of the Holy Spirit, I did with ' strong cries 
 and tears,' — I kept shrinking at my own requests, for I felt, 
 even while I asked, that in myself I was neither able, nor will- 
 ing, to bear what I asked. 
 
 "I know, or rather I know not, what it will cost a proud 
 heart like mine, to be humbled; a stubborn, high spirit, to be 
 broken. The will and the afiections are not subdued, without 
 being seven times tried, in a furnance seven times heated. I 
 say, this and that must take place, if my prayers are an- 
 swered , and at the this and that, my spirit faints. What then 
 must be done? Shall I cry, spare? God forbid : rather let 
 me cry, strike, if thou seest good. The Lord never willing- 
 ly afliicts ; and if he wounds, he will support and heal. I 
 may safely leave myself in the hands of a physician that is too 
 wise to err, and too compassionate to wound, if there is not a 
 * needs be.^ 
 
 " O Father of mercies ! on me, 
 
 On me, in affliction, bestow, 
 
 A power of applyini? to thee," — 
 
 A sanctified use of my woe." 
 
 ♦' It is a very easy thing to go to a physician and state to 
 him my complaints, and particular disorder : to tell him that I 
 have full confidence in his skill, and in his knowledge of my 
 disease, and beg him to undertake my case: but when he pre- 
 
CHAT. IV. FROM A. D. 1796, TO 1802. 159 
 
 scribes bitter medicines, severe operations, perhaps amputa- 
 tions ; when he enjoins mortifying prohibitions, and lays down 
 hard rules, it is not then found so easy, as at first it seemed, 
 to yield him an implicit obedience. 
 
 " I have let a nauseous medicine stand, day after day, upon 
 my chimney-piece, though very ill all the time, rather than 
 encounter the unpleasantness of taking it. Thus it is I deal 
 with my heavenly physician : I state my case to him ; I say, 
 unless there be a cure, my soul must die. I endeavour to put 
 myself unreservedly into his hands. I do this, as far as I am 
 able, sincerely; and find comfort in so doing. But when he 
 sends me a bitter draught, do I take it? Do I submit to the 
 pruning knife, and the purifying fire? Do I observe the pro- 
 hibitions, and follow the rules laid down ? Do I deny myself, 
 and take up my cross daily, and follow Christ? Alas, without 
 this, it is but to little purpose to beg for healing. That man de- 
 ceives himself whose general conduct contradicts his prayers." 
 
 Sept. 3 — " Returned with Mr. H. to Portsmouth. " Thou 
 art most glorified, O my Saviour, in effecting that which no 
 human arm can effect. Thy power is best seen in extremi- 
 ties. O undertake for me in my present perplexities, and 
 heart-sinkings ! O do that for me, which none can do, or 
 would do, but thyself. ' O remember that I am but dust ! ' " 
 
 Frequent mention has been made of the occasional ill state 
 of Mrs. Hawkes's health. From reterence to her memoran- 
 dums it appears, that the serious complaint, (a large internal 
 tumour,) under which she laboured for more than thirty years, 
 began to manifest itself, while she was at Portsmouth, in the 
 year 1799. 
 
 Portstnouth, Sept. 10. — "1 have this day many sources of 
 suffering; apprehensions of distressing bodily complaints, in- 
 ward fears, and gloomy prospects as to temporal affairs; so 
 that my head is bowed down like a bulrush. But when I put 
 all the sorrows I now have, all I fear, and all that, in this pre- 
 sent life, I could be subject to, into one scale, and sin in the 
 other, how should I pray and entreat to suffer affliction rather 
 than to sin. It is sin, and not suffering, that is the grand 
 evil." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkcs returned to London in October. At this period 
 
 she repeatedly refers in her diary to serious bodily sufferings. 
 
 Little James Street, Oct. 1799. — ''la finding myself re- 
 
160 MEMOIKS or MRS. 1IAWKE3. 
 
 stored to my highly-valued privileges and indulgences, I have 
 one source of real grief, namely, lest the deep depression of 
 spirits under which 1 labour, should wear the aspect of discon- 
 tent, unthankfulness, or dissatisfaction with any person or thing 
 in this house. It is true, such are my peculiar bodily suffer- 
 ing's, and so dark my present prospects, that ' my soul abhors 
 its dainty meat.' I say of life, 'I loathe it.' Job vii. 16. 1 
 am peevish and fretful, even to my dearest friends; I am con- 
 scious that this chiefly arises from an unhumbled spirit. 
 Something may, perhaps, be allowed to a very trying disorder, 
 but still sin lies at the bottom. From this dearly-loved family, 
 I meet with nothing but constant forbearance. But were the 
 love of all my earthly friends concentred in one heart, that 
 heart would soon be worn out with a thousandth part of the 
 provocation and inattention, my Saviour daily bears with from 
 me." 
 
 Nov. 1799 — " IVIy ill health, and depressed spirits, make 
 me a burden to myself and all about me. It is in such suffer- 
 ings as these that I long to hide myself, and my complaints, in 
 obscurity. If I had more faith, 1 should be more patient, and 
 content, and thankful, in every place, and especially in this. 
 Oh that I might be called to that only home, where sin, sick- 
 ness, or sorrrow shall never enter ! " 
 
 Dec. 3, 1799, Little James Street — " My sufi!erings of body 
 are very j)eculiar and threatening. While I appear in health, 
 I am undergoing the sharpest pains, offen unknown to any but 
 myself. These sufferings, sad to say, make me peevish and 
 impatient. Surely no where in this world shall 1 find friends 
 that will endure, and overlook, such manifold and manifest 
 faults, as my beloved ones here: so true do I find it that Love 
 * beareth all things.' Instead of the reproof I merit, I meet 
 pity and sympathy. Flow merciful is my appointment?" 
 
 Dec. 30. — " Much of the last month seems lost ; no spiritual 
 Hfe or improvement. Lord, help me to examine what worm 
 is at the root, to cause this withering. Alas ! it is soon dis- 
 covered. 'The heart is deceitful above all things : who can 
 know it?' Worm after worm is working evil; and among 
 the worst, is impatience " 
 
 Justice to Mrs. Ilawkes requires the remark, that these in- 
 ward risings of impatience, which on close self-examination, 
 mi?ht be sensible to her own mind, were not, as she feared, 
 manifested in her outward deportment, which was sweet, hum- 
 ble, and winning. True resignation, and thankfulness, were 
 
CHAP. IV. — FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 161 
 
 inwardly struggling against depression, and repining; and 
 these graces were, finally, victorious. In the next extract, 
 written a few weeks later, her mind seems led to a more cheer- 
 ful and settled apprehension of God's goodness to her, and of 
 the gracious dispositions which her dispensation was intended 
 to promote. 
 
 Wednesday, Jan. 1, 1800. — " ' If the Lord were pleased to 
 kill us, ho would not have received a burnt-offering and a meat- 
 offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all 
 these things, nor would he as at this time, have told us such 
 things as these.' Judges xiii. .3, 2. 
 
 " Under my present glooms, fears and apprehensions, I will 
 recollect the mercies I have received from the Lord's hand. 
 JMercies so innumerable that I cannot count them. To say 
 nothing of the preceding year, what mercies have I been fa- 
 voured with in the last three dark years of my life. 
 
 " If the Lord were pleased to leave me to sink in these deep 
 waters, would he have shewed me such unspeakable favours? 
 Would he have said to one of the best and kindest of his under- 
 shephords, Take this poor weak sheep, and screen her from 
 the destroying blast: comfort her in her sorrows : counsel her 
 in her difficulties : and pour wine and oil into her wounds. — 
 Surely, this is the Lord's doing, who hath said, ' When thou 
 passest through the waters I will be with thee; and through 
 the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest 
 through the fire, thou shalt not be burned ; neither shall the 
 flame kindle upon thee.' ' He stayeth his rough wind in the 
 day of the east wind.' ' Why art thou cast down, O my soul ? 
 Hoi)B thou in God.' 
 
 " But, while, on one leaf, I mark down what I receive, so I 
 would also note what I pay, on the other. What do I ' render 
 unto the Lord for all his benefits? ' How have I showed forth 
 his praise, or what mention have 1 made of his goodness? 
 How have I improved my high privileges? How have I con- 
 duc.'el myself towards my best friends, and kindest benefac- 
 tors? What proportion does my obedience, gratitude, and 
 faith, bear to my obligations thereto? The only answer to 
 these inquiries is, ' He putteth his mouth in the dust, if so be 
 there may be hope.' Lam. iii. 29." 
 
 Feb. 1800. — " I have one great mercy to be thankful for 
 at this time, namely, that my health is improved. Oh that 
 the health of my soul may not only keep pace, but far exceed, 
 that of my body ! If I know my own heart, and am not to- 
 tally deceived, my first wish and greatest anxiety, is not so 
 14* 
 
162 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 much respecting my perishing body, or my temporal concerns, 
 — perplexed and distressed as they are, — as about the concerns 
 of my never-dying soul ! " 
 
 In the month of June following, Mrs. Hawkes was called, 
 as usual in the summer, to the Isle of Wight. She thus ex- 
 presses her feelings in the prospect of losing, for a time, the 
 advantages she derived from public ordinances, as well as pri- 
 vate friendship: — 
 
 Sunday, June 22, 1800. — " A most sorrowful Sabbath to 
 me! Sorrowful on account of leaving my much-loved place 
 of worship; sorrowful to lose my best and kindest friends; 
 sorrowful on many other accounts. ' Give us help in trouble, 
 for vain is the help of man," 
 
 These apprehensions were, however, unexpectedly relieved. 
 In the course of this visit, she was brought under the ministry, 
 and favoured by the friendship, of ihe Rev. John Newton, who 
 was at Southampton when Mrs. Hawkes arrived at that place, 
 — which we learn from the following memorndum in her 
 diary : — 
 
 Southampton^ June 24. — " I am here greatly favoured by 
 the kind notice of that eminent servant of God, the Rev. John 
 Newton His conversation, and his sermons, partake of the 
 same holy, dependent, child-like spirit. I trust I shall be per- 
 mitted to make some stay in this j)lace, while such advantages 
 are afforded me." 
 
 June 29. — " This is the fourth year of my being a wanderer! 
 of my being peculiarly the subject of many fears, and secret 
 sorrows. I should, no doubt, have many trials of other kinds, 
 if 1 had a home; and I endeavour to count them over, and to 
 bear them in mind, in order to lessen my too anxious wish for 
 one. Yet, after all. my foolish heart replies. None know the 
 value of a home but they that have lost one. When the habits 
 are fixed, and a person has been used to their own customs 
 and ways, it is not easy to change them. But how much more 
 should 1 have felt this, but for some special favours which have 
 been granted me." 
 
 July^ 1800 — " My heart is torn by many sorrows, known 
 only to myself. It is of no avail to tell them to any but God. 
 1 wish I could speak to Him more, and to creatures less, about 
 my troubles. ' Cast thy burdens on the Lord.' 
 
 "The Lord calls for our burdens, he would not have us op- 
 pressed with ihofn ourselves; hut roll them over (n him. 
 The desires that are breathed forth in prayer are the very un- 
 
CHAP. IV, — FuoM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 163 
 
 loading of the heart : ench request that goes out, carries some- 
 what of the burden with it, antj hiys it upon God. ' Be care- 
 ful for nothing, but in ail things make your requests i\nown 
 unto God.' Try as many ways as you will, there is no other 
 but this which will free you, when in difficulties, from all per- 
 plexing thoughts. Though 1 know this to be true, how very 
 backward am I to act upon it! " 
 
 Cowes, Sunday, Sept. 7. — *' ' How amiable are thy taber- 
 nacles, O Lord of Hosts ! My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth, 
 for the courts of the Lord : my heart and my flesh crieth out 
 for the living God.' 
 
 " Of all the calamities that could befal me, nothing would be 
 so heavy as to be deprived of the precious Gospel. My mis- 
 improvement of it for so many years would make such a de- 
 privation a just punishment. But, ' O Lord, correct me in 
 mercy, and not in judgment.' " 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's diary here furnishes an account of a storm 
 which took place at this time. 
 
 Portsmouth, Sunday, Nov. 9, 1800. — " This has been an 
 awful day! A most tremendous hurricane, both on land and 
 sea. I never saw a more grand, solemn, and distressing scene! 
 Ships breaking from their moorings — others torn from their 
 anchors — driven before the wind without hope of escape. 
 Poor creatures climbing up the masts of ships, tearing their 
 hair in horror from impending danger ! even though surround- 
 ed with boats, which the foaming waves will not suffer to ap- 
 proach near enough to receive them. What an unspeakable 
 mercy is it to have a friend in the Master of the storm! who, 
 if He does not see good to deliver /Vo/ti death, will graciously 
 deliver in death. How would the knowledge and presence of 
 an Almighty Friend, lessen the horrors and distraction of these 
 poor creatures! " 
 
 One of the painful circumstances to which Mrs. Hawkes 
 was exposed by the present varying position of her family 
 affairs, and one which was extremely distressing and unhing- 
 ing to a person of her cast of mind, — was the necessity of con- 
 tinually removing from [)lace to place. In the next memoran- 
 dum she expresses her sense of disquietude on this account: — 
 
 Wednesday 12. — '* What a scene of change is my present 
 rife! The lodging 'o which I have this week removed, makes 
 the sixth since 1 left Little .Inmes Street. Oh when shall I be 
 able to say with the Shunamite, * I will dwell among mine own 
 people.' 2 Kings iv. 13. 
 
164 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " My corrupt nature is ready to cry out under my innumera- 
 ble dis'tresses— ' Is not this liard ? ' But my renewed principle 
 answers, No, — for ' whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth ; ' 
 and therefore, I will say, It is kind. My Saviour is not an 
 hard master; He gives no unreasonable commands; calls for 
 no unnecessary sacrifices ; ' He does not willingly afflict.' If 
 he puts me to pain, it is to purify ; if he calls for that of which 
 I have said, ' TJiis same shall comfort me,'— it is because I 
 have been too much pleased with it. There must be pruning 
 in order to bearing fruit. John xv." 
 
 Monday, Novell, Portsmovth.^'' This year, as well as 
 the former, I have to mourn ever my want of faith and de- 
 pendence. I am apt to say, ' If 1 could but see my way !' 
 While I am, as far as I know, most desirous to walk m that 
 path, and abide in that place, which is best pleasing to God : — 
 I am too apt to feel it heavy, and 1 had almost said hard, (but 
 far be such a thought,) that my way is so encompassed with 
 thick darkness, — that there is no voice to say, ' this is the way, 
 walk ye in it.' 
 
 " One kind friend says, Come hither, — another. Come to 
 me. But as every place has its peculiar feature, and as I am 
 not sufficiently certain as to the path of duty, to be fully at rest, 
 — so my comfort in any place is greatly disturbed. Perhaps 
 I am scff-deceived in believing, that if any particular appoint- 
 ment were clearly discovered to me, 1 should rejoice to enter 
 on it, and embrace it. Perhaps I am grossly mistaken in 
 thinking that I should be happy in any place, (where the gospel 
 was preached,) if I really knew it uas the Lord's will I should 
 be there. In my earnest desire for a settled home, 1 am not so 
 foolish and unreasonable as to expect one, wherein are no thorns. 
 In my pleasantest, quietest nest at Holloway, I had some sharp 
 ones ; and I think I could still dispense with many, if I might 
 but lodge in my Lord's vineyard ; if I might ' go forth by the 
 footsteps of the flock, and feed beside the shepherd's tents.' 
 
 "Every time I revisit this place, and every day 1 spend in 
 it, convinces me of the utter impracticability of abiding here. 
 I never come hither but my heart is overwhelmed, my mind 
 agitated, and my whole frame shaken. Surely if I vverc^ called 
 to dwell in this furnace, my caJl would be made more plain. * 
 
 1 Mrs, Hawkes here makes a solemn appeal to (Jod, as to the insur- 
 mountable difficulties attending her residence at Portsmouth. — aiid her 
 willingness to endure any trials in the plain path of duty : — but hrr re- 
 maining there did not, under existing circumstances, appear ta be the 
 path of her duty. — Ed. 
 
CHAP. IV FEOM A. D. 179G TO 1802. 165 
 
 " O Thou, that knowest my deceitful heart better than I do, 
 quiet mc in thyself! and enable me,— whether I am a wanderer 
 or settled, — whether I am in this place or that, — to live every 
 moment depending an I believing on Thee ! looking and resign- 
 ing myself to Thee. 
 
 •' Tenant of my trou])Ir(.] breast, 
 Yet a little longer sigh ; 
 Death shall shortly give thee rest, 
 Fluttering heart thy rest is nigh. 
 Flutter till the strife is o'er, 
 Beat awhile, and beat no more," 
 
 Portsmoidh^ Nov. 23. — " Lately, in having to cross a rough 
 sea, my apprehensions of danger was great. I stood trembling 
 on the beach sometime before I durst venture into tlie stnall 
 boat that was to convey me to the vessel, at some distance from 
 shore. 1 longed to be safe on board, — having no fear when I 
 had once reached the ship: but the surf ran so high, and the 
 boat was so tossed that I expected every moment to be upset. 
 
 *' Thus it is wirh my small and feeble faith, which has innu- 
 merable fears, conflicts, temptations, and unbelief, to encounter, 
 which, like the waves and billows, threaten its destruction. I 
 stand trembling and debating, and fearing, lest, during the 
 storm, iTiy shallow boat should be overwhelmed, and I should 
 sink beneath the waves. I say, 'could I reach my Saviour, I 
 should be safe: but what am I to do in contending with these 
 billows?' Let me learn from my late experience that since I 
 must venture^ it is better to venture at once. Every moment's 
 delay only makes the danger ap[)ear more formidable, and en- 
 feebles hope. Stand not to debate, to tremble, to count the 
 waves, — but with a bold and holy venture, get forward in the 
 boat; and the Blessed Maker who has provided, and graciously 
 sent it out, will maintain, defend, uphold, and guide thee safely 
 to Himself; and remember, nothing is dene without a holy 
 
 VE^'TURE. 
 
 About the end of November, Mrs. Hawkes left Portsmouth, 
 and went to pass some months with Mrs. Jones at Birming- 
 ham. The following letters which passed between the aflec- 
 tionate sisters, may interest the reader: — 
 
 From Mrs. Haw^kes to Mrs. Jones. 
 
 *'I have a longing desire to see my beloved sister, and trust 
 that now the way is open for my visiting her shortly. How 
 are we comforted, even by an earthly Iriend, who seems to be 
 
166 3IEM0IRS OF 3IRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 interested for us ! but that is a word of mighty consolation, 
 
 * He careth for you.' Oh for faiih to realize this stupendous 
 truth, that our adorable and merciful High Priest, is touched 
 with the feeling of our infirmities ! ' In all their afflictions he 
 was afflicted.' Then, fainting heart, fear not. If I may but 
 be enabled to wrap myself in the mantle of divine compassion 
 and love, I shall be safe. 
 
 " I wish I could lake more comfort in the consolations you 
 offer me in the joys of the crown. Yes, truly, let me have the 
 crown, and I shall soon forget all the suffering. But my great 
 affair is, to sustain the heat and length of the battle. I feel the 
 same when any author, or preacher, enters into a description 
 of the joys of heaven ; I am ready to stop them and say, — 
 you need not tell me about these things; let me once enter, and 
 I shall find your description to be poor. But tell me how to 
 endure here as a good soldier of Jesus Christ ; how to glorify 
 God in the furnace; how to sustain the fire that is necessary 
 to purge away the dross; how to kiss the scourging rod; — 
 these are the lessons I want to learn, and which 1 trust I am 
 endeavouring to learn, though very slowly. ' Tribulation work- 
 eth patience, and patience experience; and experience, hope,' — 
 
 • a hope that maketh not ashamed.' Pray for me, my dear sis- 
 ter, that I may have an increasing measure of Hope ; as well 
 as of that faith that substantiates and realizes eternal things. 
 It is a gift that whoever has it, in ever so small a degree, can 
 never, never, be thankful enough for; of which 1 am fully 
 sensible by my own experience. For if I am ever able to live 
 in any degree from the most anxious forbodings, from deep de- 
 pressions, from hard and rebellious thoughts of Providence, 
 and continual vexation of spirit, — it is entirely owing to, and 
 derived from, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, working 
 that measure of faith in my poor faithless heart, which if left 
 to itself, is that moment inundated with every one of these evils. 
 But when faith is in exercise, every thing is well ; every siring 
 is in tune for praise and thanksgiving. What a treasure then 
 is faith! Unite with me in prayer that this, and every grace 
 of the Holy Spirit, may flourish in the soul of, 
 
 " Your Affectionate Sister, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 From Mrs. Jones to Mrs. Hawkes. 
 
 <' My dearly beloved, — and I may say, — 'longed for,' the 
 pleasures we have in prospect, appear too slow in their advance ; 
 but I will endeavour patiently to wait the day that brings you 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 367 
 
 once more to my embrace. I long to hear my dear sister re- 
 late the gracious dealings of God, her Saviour, through her 
 many painful sufferings. That short petition, ' Lord increase 
 our faith !' seems to contain all vvc want ; but there is a wan- 
 derful propensity in fallen man to desire to rise by some other 
 way than by the simplicity of faith. Jesus knows how to sup- 
 port his children ; and none are more abundant in thanks- 
 giving and praises than those who drink of the bitter cup. Is 
 it not wonderful that w^e who know his name should ever fear 
 his providential dispensations? 'He cannot deny himself.' 
 Good, is written upon all we receive from Him; but not being 
 written according to our language, we cannot read it. O for 
 confidence ! unbounded confidence ! 
 
 " The means of increasing our faith are often to us very 
 dark and mysterious. But let us remember, we are in a dark 
 world, and must feel out our way as we go on ; for often we can- 
 not see one step before us. It is surely, my dear sister, worth 
 while to sufl?er, to prove what is the glory of the inheritance in 
 the saints; which glory is w^onderfully made manifest in the 
 dark days of affliction. God's children, who are made vessels 
 of honour, are often chosen in the furnace of affliction, to show 
 to the world what is good, and most desirable even in this life. 
 When we take a prospect of the good things for ourselves or 
 our children, we are apt to look into the world's index, and 
 read, health, riches, large houses, servants, tender connexions, 
 good husbands, wives, children, and many other such like 
 comforts. But when we look at the afflicted servants of God, 
 which are monuments erected to his honour, we must turn our 
 eyes away from this fair catalogue, and, wilh the eye of faith, 
 take a survey of the believer's inventory. We must direct our 
 view to how much there is of God in "the soul. One would 
 wish that all the world should know what God giveth to his chil- 
 dren ; and devoutly desire that all of us who bear his name 
 might be more transformed into the divine image. ' God 
 teaches his children to indulge immense expectations, and to 
 realize them in the meanest condition. There is no night too 
 dark for a believer to raise his hopes to the brightest prospects.' 
 
 " When we have reached the blessed seat of immortality, 
 the city of the living God, we shall remember no more the an- 
 guish we suffered in this life. May you, my dear sister, now 
 lean by faith upon his breast, who will whisper more than you 
 ever yet heard. Farewell, 
 
 "A.J." 
 
168 MEMOIKS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes thus expresses tlie comfort and repose she felt, 
 when arrived at llie house of her beloved sister : — 
 
 Crescent, Birmingham, Dec. 1800.— <'l most delightfully 
 feel this house to be a sweet haven after many storms. I 
 trust the poor weather-beaten wreck is sent here for repairs. 
 It has sustained many a heavy sea, and many a shock ; so as 
 to be often, to all appearance, on the very point of sinking. 
 But the great Master has been pleased to preserve it amidst 
 many dangers; and has mercifully {)rovided it with delightlul 
 harbours, where every thing that friendship and kindness can 
 devise, is more liberally and cheerlully administered. May 
 my heart forget past distresses, in thankful remembrance of the 
 undeserved mercies and favours, of which I am now made a 
 partaker." 
 
 " I have here, — leisure, quiet, extreme indulgence, and un- 
 fein-ned affection, from my dearest sister and her family." 
 
 Jan. 1801. — " This is the first winter I have spent out of 
 London for sixteen years ; my heart shall ever send a wishful 
 look to my spiritual birth-place ; and my memory will ever 
 delif^ht to retrace the solemn, interesting moments, wilh which 
 I have been favoured in St. John's Chapel : when myheart, 
 like Lydia's ' was opened,' and 1 was, 1 trust, taught by the 
 Holy Spirit, ' to attend to the things that were spoken.' Pre- 
 cious, glorious things ! such as are able to make the hearer wise 
 unto salvation, through the faith that is in Christ Jesus. I 
 would not now repine, though I have llio sad prospect of long, 
 and frequent interruptions, in my future attendance. But, 'as 
 the hart pantelh after the water-brooks,' so will my heart pant 
 for the restoration of my privileges. 
 
 " When I begin to count up my mercies during the last four 
 years, since I have been a wanderer, I am lost in wonder and 
 shame. 1 can neither number the instances of God's amazing 
 goodness to me, nor the instances of my amazing ingratitude! 
 Surely it may be asked concerning me, ' What could have 
 been done more to my vineyard that 1 have not done in it] ' 
 Alas! what fruit does my Lord fmd therein? It is because 
 his compassions fail not, tliat I am not consumed. Well might 
 he say to me as to the barren lig-tree, ' cut it down, why 
 cumbereth it the ground?' Oh that the blessed Saviour may 
 intercede on my behalf for yet another year of sparing, nur- 
 turing mercy." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes writes the next memorandum at the house of 
 
CHAP. IV' FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 169 
 
 her sister Mynors, where she had gone in consequence of the 
 illness of her nephew. After his recovery, she again returned 
 for a short time to her sister Jones, previous to an intended 
 journey to Portsmouth. 
 
 Snow Hill, Birmingham, Feb. 1801. — «' ' It is better to go 
 to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting.' The 
 last month has been spent in nursing my dear nephew. Oh 
 that his soul may be bound up in the bundle of life, and the 
 soul of his dear mother ! she shows me much kindness, and 1 
 can, in return, only pray for her and hers. This I have done 
 unceasingly ; and have now to offer up praise for the recovery 
 of the valuable child. Oh that his life may be spared for 
 God's glory, and for the comfort of his affectionate parents ?" 
 
 Crescent, Birmingham, April, 1801. — " I must now short- 
 ly pack up, and be gone ! The last six months have fled away 
 like a post. Here I have been made to forget, for a season, 
 my deep and numerous troubles. Quiet and leisure, those 
 sweet restoratives of the mind and body, 1 have here been fa- 
 voured with to the full ; yet even these would much lose their 
 effect, were it not for that balm of kindness and love, which 
 has been given me in addition. Oh how shall I endure lo put 
 out to sea again, which 1 must now shortly do ! I shrink at 
 the prospect of the adverse winds I must again encounter. 
 
 " Hide me, O my Saviour, hide 
 Till the storm of life is pass'd." 
 
 " I will, as far as I am enabled, consider that dispensation, 
 trial, or affliction, sweet, that brings Christ more sensibly to 
 my heart. I have had many deep troubles; many painful dis- 
 appointments ; many unseen but severe sorrows ; — yet not one 
 of them, increased ten-fold, is so much to be dreaded as the 
 suspension of the comforting, life-giving presence of my Sa- 
 viour. What it is to ' Come up out of the wilderness, leaning on 
 the beloved,' no one will ever know but by happy experience. 
 And they can best estimate the comfort, who have been left to 
 travel ever so short a part of the journey alone. 
 
 " My next pilgrimage must be to Portsmouth : a place very 
 uncongenial to my mind : hut it is my path of duty, and that 
 is enough. In my way there, I hope for the favour of staying 
 a short time in that house, where I have long found a father and 
 mother, brothers and sisters, kindred and friends, — all in one. 
 Nay more, a counsellor, — a guide, — a faithful minister. I 
 would ever bear in mind, that if 1 have had more troubles than 
 15 
 
170 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 many, I have had far more favours than many — and innumer- 
 ably more than I deserve, or should have dared (o hope for." 
 May 1801, Little James Street. — " On my return to Lon- 
 don, I am again received into this favoured house, with the 
 kindness which could only be expected from the tenderest 
 parents. I cannot be thankful enough for such indulgence. I 
 pray that I may ever bear in mind my deep obligations, first, 
 to the great and gracious giver of such mercies, and next to 
 those friends indeed, with which few are equally favoured. Their 
 hospitable door has been opened to receive me without any 
 other cause or motive than pity and benevolence; and with- 
 out any seeking on my part, or even an idea of becoming 
 their favoured inmate. Here I have found delightful shelter, 
 — superior society, — the best counsel. And who led them to 
 open their hearts and their door ? Even the Father of mercies." 
 
 Much is often said concerning the want of benevolence that 
 is in the world; perhaps true gratitude for fivours received is 
 far more rarely to be met with. Mrs. Hawkes was blessed 
 with a large measure of this gracious and amiable disposition : 
 the illustratration of which may be a sufficient reason for insert- 
 ing some of those repeated effusions of gratitude, which appear 
 in her diary. Her deep humility led her to entirely overlook 
 her own affectionate endeavours to promote the welfare and 
 happiness of Mr. Cecil's, family, — every member of which 
 had reason to feel the strongest sense of obligation to her. 
 
 In the month of July, Mrs. Hawkes accompanied Mr. Cecil's 
 family to Chobham in Surry, soon after Mr. Cecil had accept- 
 ed the livings of Chobham and Bisley. In her next memo- 
 randum, she expresses her joy on beholding the success of the 
 Gospel in that place. 
 
 Chobham, July, 1801. — " Nothing can be more interesting 
 and delightful than this place. Surely the Lord has an espe- 
 cial favour to this spot, by singling it out from surrounding 
 places, and planting his gospel in it. For many years past it 
 has remained in darkness and ignorance: but now is that 
 promise being fulfilled, ' The wilderness and the solitary place 
 shall be glad for them ; and the desert shall rejoice and blos- 
 som as the rose.' I feel it no small privilege to be witness of 
 so glorious a work. May my soul feel, in a more abundant 
 measure, the reviving life giving influence of that divine breath, 
 which is now so evidently felt among these dry bones." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes had not been at Chobham more than a iew 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D. 1796 TO 1802. 171 
 
 weeks, when she was attacked by symptoms of so alarming 
 and distressing a nature, that it was thought necessary for her 
 to return to town for medical advice, and to renounce all thoughts 
 of going on to Portsmouth as she had proposed. She tra- 
 velled slowly to London in a horizontal position, and with diffi- 
 culty reached Mr. Cecil's house in Little James Street, where 
 she passed the summer under severe suffering, and constant 
 medical attendance. Her own memorandums at this period 
 are as follows : 
 
 C/iobhajii, Aug. 1801 — " At the precise period when I in- 
 tended to pursue my journey to Portsmouth, 1 am arrested by 
 an aggravation of my distressing and mysterious complaint, 
 which obliges me to return to London for medical help. As 
 to the nature of it, I have just cause for fear and alarm : as to 
 the design^ it is no doubt to purge away the dross : as to the 
 end of it, I desire to leave it in my Saviour's hands, who know- 
 eth what is best for me." 
 
 Little James Street^ Sept. — "I have gone through such a 
 process as I never expected ! My sorrows are very hitter, 
 — yet dare I not repine. I know that my mercies are far 
 better than I deserve, and though my trials are short, I am 
 not the only one that has passed through the same. Oh for 
 faith and patience to hold out to the end I I v/ould bear in 
 mind, that as my medical friend kindly attends to mark, 
 and if possible to mitigate, my disease, — so I have one who 
 has also a process to carry on, in order to bring about a 
 mighty work ; even that of preparing a poor sinner for a hea- 
 venly inheritance. I desire to commit myself entirely to Him 
 who doeth all things well. There is enough in Rev. xxl. 3, 4, 
 to comfort me under all," 
 
 The report of Mrs. Hawkes's painful circumstances drew 
 from Mr. Cecil the follov/ing letter : — 
 
 Sept. 7, 1801. 
 " Mv dear Madam, 
 
 " Any particular reply that can be made to your extraordi- 
 nary communications, you will receive from Mrs. C, who in- 
 tends writiiig to you : for my own part, I write merely to ex- 
 press my sympathy with you under you sorrows. 
 
 " You are conducted indeed by a very dark and distressing 
 path ; but then you are conducted, and that by a better and 
 kinder friend than any one of my family could prove, if even 
 
172 MEMOIKS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 they had what your Ahnighty friend has, 'All power in heaven 
 and earth.' Now is the time for faith and patience to be fully 
 proved; and I trust ihey will siand the trial. 
 
 "1 am, with the rest, greatly disappointed that you cannot 
 return to us this summer. But, as the season is far advanced, 
 we shall soon return to town ; and 1 form a hope that you will 
 remain with us through the winter, — being assured, as you may- 
 be most fully, that no one of my children is considered more 
 as at their lather's house than yourself. The plain truth is, 
 (however the matter may appear to your incredulity and pre- 
 vailing diffidence,) our sense and feeling of your being with us, 
 is, that every minute of the time is a benefit and privilege con- 
 ferred upon us. 
 
 "You certainly said very properly what you said of your 
 relations; and I cannot doubt for a moment, that your expec- 
 tations would be more than answered ; but I wish to add, that 
 I consider it both a duty and a privilege that you should have 
 a friend in myself, and a mother in my wife, which (to say 
 nothing of others out of both our families,) will secure you from 
 being dependent on the persons you name, however glad we 
 may be to see them take a proper interest in your welfare when 
 called upon. 
 
 " But as Mrs. Jones says truly, ' we must rlie.' What then? 
 It makes no difference to you. Your Frieno liveth ever, and 
 shall supply all your wants out of his riches in glory. 
 
 " The pillared firmament is rottenness, 
 And earth's base built on stubble." 
 
 And millions will be shockingly deceived who have built on no 
 better foundation. But, thank God, that is not our case. I 
 should mourn indeed if you had the whole earth in your hand, 
 and nothing more. Then, and not till then, you can be made 
 poor. 
 
 " Pray take every means that can accommodate yourself, 
 and have every thing you can invent to alleviate your situation ; 
 if it were only to oblige, yours, 
 
 " Most faithfully and sincerely, 
 
 " R. Cecil." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's illness soon became so severe as to occasion 
 fears of her speedy dissolution ; at which time she wrote as 
 follows in lier diary: — 
 
 Oct. 2, 1801. — "From all I can gather from my friends, 
 from my own feelings, and from the opinion of several 
 
CHAP. IV. FR03I A. D. 17 9G, TO 1802. 173 
 
 of the faculty, tlie message tliat was sent to Ilezekiah is sent 
 also to me, ' Set thine house in order, for thou shalt die and 
 not live.' 
 
 " I would above all things desire to do as he did, that is, 
 'Turn my face to the wall, and pray unto the Lord.' But 
 what is my petition, and what is my request? Truly, if I 
 know my own heart, it is, not that the sentence of death may 
 be recalled, but that I may be made meet for a glorious in- 
 heritance. There remains much to be done in me before I am, 
 as I trust t shall be, gathered into the garner. I am conscious 
 of the want of ripeness. 1 am conscious also that there is in 
 me much chaff. O Lord, enable me to bear the winnowings, the 
 siftings, with which thou art about to visit me. Let me not be 
 deceived in myself, and think that I am wheat, when I am but 
 chaff. I appeal unto Thee, O thou searcher of hearts, who 
 knowest what T am, and pray that I may be made such as 
 thou wilt accept, and upon whom thou wilt bestow the gift of 
 eternal life. As to what I must suffer by the way, I would 
 bear in mind that, ' whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.' " 
 
 Oct. 20. — " It is a remarkable part of my present dispensa- 
 tion that I should be left to go through very severe sufferings 
 alone,, my dear friends being still at their summer residence. 
 Such a separation, at a time when I so especially need a kind 
 and faithful friend to administer to my painful necessities, 
 speaks loudly to my heart that there is but one friend who can 
 always be present. What an unspeakable mercy to have such 
 a friend ! and to find him graciously present in such a lime of 
 need." 
 
 Nov. .3. — "My mysterious and fatal disease makes slow ad- 
 vances. The pain, though continual, and attended by much 
 inconvenience, is not so severe now as to hinder me from men- 
 tal exercises. Though confined either to my bed or couch, 
 yet I can read; and through mercy, I am enabled to pray, 
 and to meditate. I esteem it no small mercy, that this poor 
 tabernacle is taken down so gradually, and with so much gen- 
 tleness. It is a most unspeakable favour to be allowed space, 
 leisure and recollection, to get into a position for the impend- 
 ing stroke. I would be found ready when the bridegroom 
 comelh." 
 
 On the return of Mr. Cecil's Homily to town, the third week 
 in November, Mrs. Ilawkes's very sensitive mind was exer- 
 cised with anxieties lest her ill health should be an occasion of 
 inconvenience to her affectionate friends. She thus expresses 
 her feelings on the subject : — 
 15* 
 
174 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Dec. 1801. — "My severest exercise of mind, under my 
 present trying dispensation, arises from the painful conviction 
 I have of the expense, inconvenience, and difficuhy, which my 
 sickness brings on this family. Being no longer able to ad- 
 minister to any part of it, — which I have always esteemed my 
 highest privilege and pleasure, — I am now a useless, disabled 
 creature, that must be administered unto. And though every 
 member of this house exprrsses, and I verily believe, ^eeZs, the 
 truest gratification in continual acts of love, yet neither my 
 feelings nor my judgment can endure that so great a burden 
 should rest upon ihcm any longer. ' O Lord, 1 am oppressed, 
 undertake for me !' Thou, that didst in great love and tender 
 care, open this kind door to let in a poor unhoused sheep, 
 where every indulgence has been afTorded which my bleeding 
 heart could wish, and where I am still kindly solicited to re- 
 main, let thy gracious ear be open to my prayer, that thy 
 good Providence may open this door again to my going out ; 
 that I may be no longer distressed and afflicted by the convic- 
 tion that I am now, by my ill health, constant confinement, 
 and need of nursing, a real injury to this generous family. 
 This is worse to bear than my continual pain. Weeping and 
 praying is my only resource; 1 am afraid to take a step, 
 my way is hedged up, no glimmering of light as yet dawns 
 upon my path. Lead me, O my Saviour, in the right way. 
 Let me see ' the pillar and the cloud ' again moving before me." 
 Jaii. 1802. — " I ought to enter this year and go through 
 every day of it, with great solemnity and watchfulness, for I 
 have no expectation of seeing January, 1803. O Lord, teach 
 me to number my few remaining days, that I may make the 
 best of every moment to prepare for my final dismission. I 
 have great cause to rejoice at the prospect of being removed so 
 soon from a world that has to me proved a sorrowful and de- 
 sert wilderness. Yet I would remember with humility and thank- 
 fulness that, as my sorrows have arisen higher and higher, so a 
 gracious providence has provided most abundant comforts for me. 
 Nothing have I here but marks of love and friendship : and as 
 there is one home only for wliich I could change this with ad- 
 vantage, so I am bid to prepare for it, and wait a speedy call 
 to it. There my friends will rejoin me, never more to be sepa- 
 rated. A few more fears and conflicts, and all will be over." 
 Mrs. Hawkes's life was prolonged thirty years beyond the 
 period in which she wrote the foregoing memorandum ; form- 
 ing a remarkable confirmation of the proverbial uncertainty of 
 human life, since those dear friends to whom she just alludes, 
 
CHAP. IV. FROM A. D, 179G TO 1802. 175 
 
 were callerl to their rest before her. A period of thirty years, 
 spent in severe suffering, seems long to sense and wearied na- 
 ture : but were she now asked to give her estimate of ihis in- 
 terval of" heaviness," it would doubtless agree with the words 
 of the apostle, " Our light atlhction, which is but for a moment, 
 worketh out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of 
 glory." Even before her faith was changed to sight, she was 
 enabled to adopt this language, and we may mark from this 
 period, a growing resignation under affliction, with an increas- 
 ing joy and peace in believing, ' Glorifying the Lord in the 
 fires," (Isa. xxiv. 15,) as appears in the following extract: — 
 
 Feb. 1802. — " If I know any thing of my own heart, its 
 real lan^mage, through my present visitation, agrees with that 
 of the deceased Mr. Pearce, 
 
 'Sweet affliction, sweet affliction, 
 That brings Jesus to my suui.' 
 
 If my soul does but gain health, welcome sickness. O Thou, 
 that alone hast enabled me to say this hitherto, help me thus 
 to say through all I may yet have to endure." 
 
 Aprils 1802. — " I have much cause for thankfulness, that 
 through my present illness, my spirits, for the most part, have 
 been better than for some years past. Yet, with shame I con- 
 fess, I have still seasons of great depression, through fear and 
 unbelief. j\Iy peculiar circurnstances lie heavy on my heart; 
 and the idea of falling a dead weight upon friends who have 
 already done more for me than I could ever describe, pierces me 
 like a two-edged sword. Many are my tears and prayers, that 
 I may be spared the anguish of feeling that I add to their al- 
 ready heavy burdens. My fears respecting this matter oppress 
 me far more than my affliction, weighty as it is." 
 
 Mill) 20. — " The Lord hath various methods of teaching his 
 children ; but he has only one grand design, namely, that they 
 should be ' Builded together for an habitation o^ God through 
 the Spirit.' That they should be ' a chosen generation, a royal 
 priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people.' For several years 
 past, I have been highly favoured with public instruction in the 
 house of G(ui ; and inexpressibly great have been my oppor- 
 tunities! I have been planted in the choicest and richest part 
 of my Lord's vineyard, and have been mercifully taught toes- 
 teem it as my best heritage. Yet of me, alas, tlie awful ques- 
 tion may be asked, ' Wherefore, when 1 looked that it should 
 bring forth grapes, brought it forth wild grapes?' or crude, un- 
 ripe fruit, without flavour or sweetness. So little humility, so 
 
176 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 little patience, so little faith, so little of the vital sap of the true 
 vine ! How great is his mercy that he does not proceed to pro- 
 nounce the same judgments on me as on those of old, 'And 
 now go to, 1 will tell you vvhat I will do to my vineyard.' Isa. v. 
 5, 6. Instead whereof, he says, 'I will allure her, and bring 
 her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her, and 1 
 will give her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor 
 for a door of hope : and she shall sinii there.' As if my Lord 
 had said, Instead of cutting off this barren branch, and casting 
 it into the fire, which I might justly do, I will lake it into more 
 peculiar cultivation. I will, to public and general ordinances, 
 add sweet and interior teachings, betwixt her and myself «/o7ze. 
 I will confine her to a sick chamber, visit her with an incura- 
 ble disease, leave her to silence and contemplation, try her with 
 pain and ancruish ; i. e. I will purge her that she may bring 
 forth more fruit. Amen ; so let it be, O Lord ; and I heartily 
 bless thy holy name for thus graciously correcting me. Thou 
 hast, indeed, brought me into the wilderness ; and thou hast 
 also vouchsafed to speak comfortably to me therein. And, I 
 trust, thou wilt soon remove me out of it, to that place from 
 whence ' sorrow and sighing shall for ever flee away.'" 
 
 July, 1802. — " Mv physician has just put me upon a course 
 of regimen and medicine very unpleasant. Yet upon his urg- 
 ing the necessily, I promised him entire submission and obedi- 
 ence. Ah, ungrateful, silly, faithless creature, (said I to my- 
 self when he was gone,) to feel so much confidence, and to 
 yield such a willing obedience to an arm of flesh, while in a 
 case of infinitely more importance, namely, the healing of the 
 diseases of sin, and under the direction of one, who in the com- 
 mands he enjoins, can neither fail in wisdom nor in love, — thou 
 art inattentive, forgetful and disobedient !" 
 
 July, 1802. — " I have lately gone through severe attacks of 
 spasms. But how light are the severest pains of the body, 
 compared with the anguish of a wounded spirit. 1 know, from 
 experience, the difference; and therefore I can the better ap- 
 preciate it. I have, during the past night, enjoyed true conso- 
 lation in the sorest pain. And I have known what it was to 
 suffer the keenest mental torture, wlien all without was com- 
 paratively serene." 
 
 The season was now arrived when Mr. Cecil's family should 
 go, as usual in the summer, to Chobham ; Mrs. Hawkes, (who 
 had been confined at Little James Street by illness nearly a 
 year,) was quite incapable of travelling, and was therelbre 
 
CHAP. IV FR03I A. D. 1796 TO 1S02. 177 
 
 obliged to remain in London. Her anxiety, on this occasion, 
 was removed by the kindness of Mrs. Jones, who came to 
 town on purpose to administer to her sister's comfort, during 
 Mrs. Cecil's absence. Mrs. Hawkes thus records Mrs. Jones's 
 arrival : 
 
 Au<rust 1, 1892. — " How graciously does an ever-watchful 
 Providence deal with me! Just when my heart fliinted within 
 me, at the thought of being left solitary, the Lord hath put it 
 into the heart of my dearest sister to come, and kindly under- 
 take the office of nurse, companion, counsellor, and every thing 
 1 want. I am, I trust, duly and heartily thankful for this great 
 indulgence. Alas! the days and hours will fly too swiftly 
 away, and bring forward the time when she must again leave 
 me! Oh, that I could improve the present moment, and not 
 anticipate the painful hour of separation !" 
 
 Under some perplexing difficulties, Mrs. Hawkes wrote to 
 Mr. Cecil soon after he left town, which drew from him the fol- 
 low ing letter: — 
 
 Chohham, Aug. 1302. 
 " My dear Madam, 
 
 " I am greatly obliged by your letter. It is a picture of 
 your mind, which, as far as it has fallen under my observation, 
 is full of tenderness and integrity. The reality and power of 
 your f'iith was, I believe, never questioned by any one who 
 possessed any himself. But the Author of it seems, for wise 
 reasons, disposed to bring it into public proof, by the long, con- 
 stant, and very severe trials, with which it is exercistid. Your 
 case is extraordinary; and the only consolation we have under 
 it, is, that your Helper is no less so. May he give you faith 
 and patience, — the only gifts now of value. * * * 
 
 "You cannot wish that I should visit town more than I wish 
 to see Mrs. Jones and yourself. Yet, as ' the pillar and cloud' 
 went before me so as to make it clear to me th.it I should come 
 here when I did, so I must wait for it to direct the next remove: 
 nor in all my experience do I remember to have wailed for it 
 in vain. VVorldly minds would think me an enthusiast in 
 speaking thus ; but lam not writing to such. When my son's 
 lime is out, I shall expect my way lo be opened, and some 
 ability given me to undertake, what is to me, a vast journey ; 
 and then I shall readily take it. 
 
 " I shall only add, that I ever remain, 
 
 " Most truly and alTectionatelv yours, 
 
 "R. Cecil." 
 
178 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Mrs. Jones was induced at this time to come to town not 
 only to relieve her sister's solitude, but also with a view to ar- 
 range some plan for Mrs. Raw kes permanent accommodation 
 out of Mr. Cecil's house. There v/as now no pros[)ect that 
 she would be able, in future, to spend a part of the year, as she 
 had hitherto done, in the l:de of Wight, or vvilh her sisters at Bir- 
 mingham. Nor was it suitable, in her present stale of health, 
 that she should be left alone in Little James Street, during the 
 four or five summer months in which Mr. Cecil's family were at 
 Chobham. Also, the painful anxiety of Mrs. Hawkes's mind 
 from the fear of becoming burdensome, interfered with her 
 tranquility : nor could her over sensitive apprehensions be qui- 
 eted, by the strongest assurances, that the happiness of Mr. 
 Cecil's family was really increased by her being one of its 
 members. This will become evident by the next extract, in 
 which Mrs. Hawkes appears, as usual, weighing every thing 
 by the highest moral considerations, aided by the most delicate 
 apprehensions of propriety. 
 
 Sept. 1802, — "I have been endeavouring, as I have often 
 done before, to enumerate and weigh what I shall have to meet 
 with in exchanging this honoured, loved, and valued residence 
 for another. I know and feel, that it is a serious thing to take a 
 step in life; and therct^ore I have been afraid to siir over this 
 threshold. But in my removal I am conscious that I act from 
 the following motives, — namely, from a desire to remove anx- 
 iety, care, expense and great inconvenience, which must every 
 day be increasing to this family, by my stay. Never shall 1 
 find such tender friends, — never in this world meet with a so- 
 ciety so suited to my taste, — never again be admitted into 
 such high privileges. J can neither enumerate nor describe 
 what I leave, when I leave this house. But justice, honour, af- 
 fection, obligation, a/Z call upon me to depart. And shall I be so 
 selfish as to shut my ears to these demands? Far be such un- 
 righteousness from one so deeply indebted. O Lord, my ex- 
 pectation is from Thee ; be pleased either to quiet me here, or 
 to direct my steps to some other dwelling." 
 
 It was necessary that Mrs. Hawkes should reside in London, 
 for the .sake of medical advice. It was also desirable that in 
 her suffering state she should be with those who could render 
 needful assistance with affectionate sympathy. It pleased God 
 to open a way towards an arrangement which combined these 
 advantages, by her removal, in the month of September, 1802, 
 to the house of Mr. Collyer, a pious member of Mr. Cecil's 
 Congregation at St. John's, who had n)arried Mrs. Hawkes's 
 niece. The next memorandum records this removal. 
 
CHAP. IV. — fro:m a. d. 1796 to 1802. 179 
 
 Sept. 23, 1802. — " A memorable day. Left my honoured 
 and spiritual father's house, and removed to Mr. Collyer's, 
 Constitution Kovv. 
 
 " This makes one more change in my sorrowful pilgrimage ! 
 When shall I be permitted to remove, once for all, to that long 
 desired habitation where ' God shall wipe away all tears from 
 my eyes; where there shall be no more death, neither sorrow 
 nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.' 
 
 "I consider myself as now entering upon a new dispensa- 
 tion; and would 'get upon my watch-tower' to hear what the 
 Lord will condescend to speak unto me ; and ' what 1 shall an- 
 swer when 1 am reproved,' as to my past and present expe- 
 rience. 
 
 " At present, such a tumultuous crowd of oppressions and 
 sentiments pass U[)on my mind, that I feel it impossible to 
 take any calm or profitable view of present circumstances, or 
 of my future prospects; even should my worthless dying life 
 be prolonged. 
 
 " Like a voyager, newly launched on untried seas, every 
 thino; is unknown, unsettled, unorganized. I have to form 
 new associations, new sympathies, to breathe a new atmos- 
 phere. So scattered are my thoughts, I can only concern my- 
 self about present aflairs ; and pray that the presence of my 
 Saviour may be with me. 
 
 '* In my removal, let me, however, note down a few re- 
 markable circumstances, in order to promote present thankful- 
 ness and future hope. 'He despiseth not the prayer of the 
 destitute. So graciously has my heavenly father attended to 
 my cry, and condescended to grant me my request, that the 
 very same friend, (namely, my dear sister Jones,) who brought 
 and left me at my minister's house, when 1 had no longer a 
 covering to my head, or a bed to he upon, returned, after an 
 interval of six years, and having again provided an abode, 
 conducted me out from a never-to-be-i"orgotten ' hiding-place !' 
 Oh, that it may be my last removal to any house made 
 with hands. What a mercy that the storm is in some de- 
 gree abated before I am bid to quit my hiding-place I Sure- 
 ly I ought without misgiving to trust my Divine Leader the 
 rest of the way. 
 
 " Another remarkable circumstance attending my removal, 
 is, that some strong, and till within a few days, unconquerable 
 objections respecting the abode proposed to me by my dear 
 sister, have been made in a great measure, to give way to 
 more weighty considerations. 
 
180 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " No one could be received with more kindness and affeclion 
 than my dear niece and her husband received me. Lord, let 
 thy blessing attend this change ! It is brought about in a way 
 that is wonderful to me. Not for your sakes, ' O house of Is- 
 rael, will 1 do this, but for mine holy name's sake.' " 
 
 In the step which Mrs. Hawkes was now taking, she was 
 actuated by strictly conscientious motives, and not those which 
 feeling might dictate ; and thus following the leading of Divine 
 Providence, she was sure of being both safe and happy. " All 
 things," says the apostle, " work together for good to them 
 that love God." If we seriously compare and examine, we 
 shall find, that the Scriptures, and the book of Providence, 
 harmonize with each other. The promises are all limited to 
 certain characters; "All the paths of the Lord are indeed 
 mercy and truth," but it is " unto such as keep his covenant 
 and testimonies." The features of Mrs. Hawkes's religious 
 character might be traced as answering to those portrayed in 
 the Bible. Her whole walk and conversation manifested love 
 to God, and obedience to his will, even before the promises 
 were poured in a blessed tide over her spirit. And as an " Is- 
 raelite indeed" her " journeyings" were ordered by Him, who 
 in all ages goes before his people, truly if not visibly, as the 
 " angel of the everlasting covenant," to order all things for 
 their good. Exod. xxiii. 20. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT MR. COLLYER'S TO HER 
 REMOVAL TO BETCHWORTH. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's removal, a source of regret to Mrs. Cecil — Afflictions 
 sanctified — Letter from the Rev. John Newton — Mrs. Hawkes's reflec- 
 tions on a repining spirit — Her views on the subject of being depend- 
 ent — Her usefuhiess, especially to young persons — Her extensive 
 correspondence — Her sense of manifold mercies — Pecuniary anxieties 
 — Temporary return to Mr. Cecil's house, and re-settlement at Mr. 
 Collyer's — Danger of her disease terminating in sudden death — 
 Cheerfulness under affliction — Friendship and medical attention of 
 Dr. Fearon — Serious self-examination — Her remarks on Mr. Cecil's 
 paralytic aflfection — Letters on the subject — Reflections on Mr. Cecil's 
 death — Her view of his character — She visits Mrs. Cecil at Hampstead 
 
 — Is supported by Christian hope — Letter to Mrs. C tt, on the 
 
 duty of praising God. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's removal from Little James Street was a sub- 
 ject of real regret to Mrs. Cecil, who felt that her dear friend's 
 society was a loss not to be easily repaired. Mrs. C.'s feel- 
 ings and sentiments on this occasion will appear in the follow- 
 ing extract from one of lier letters to Mrs. Hawkes, written 
 from Chobham, in Sept. 1802. 
 
 "I confess to you, my dearest sister, there is but one rich 
 gift I covet, and that is, that you might be thrown into my lot, 
 to live and die with me and mine. This would be no impover- 
 ishing circumstance : I could only view it as a certain increase 
 of my own and my children's inheritance. I have sometimes 
 thought this might be ; and then 1 have seen why I had a 
 house large enough to receive you, as well as a heart fully 
 ready to meet this favour. And I have thought also, that even 
 were I taken away, I should leave you among my children, 
 as their guardian and friend. 
 
 *' I most cordially thank you for your letter ; I cannot ex- 
 press how much pleasure it afforded me. I scribble a line 
 now, and for my apparent neglect, have one plea which I hope 
 will be accepted, namely, having had eighteen in family for 
 some days past. A h ! I never have so many as not to regret 
 16 
 
182 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 that I have not one more ! One, whose society has afforded 
 me more real pleasure than all other I ever enjoyed. 
 
 " I am grieved to hear, both from yourself and others, of 
 the increase of your pain. You have need to look to a better 
 country, where pain, and sorrow, and sighing flee away — as 
 I know you do. Nevertheless, 1 am aware how delicate a re- 
 cipient of sympathy you are, and I feel a sad regret that I am 
 unable now to render you more than sympathy ; for I am not 
 content to offer you only that which you must receive from 
 every common friend." 
 
 Writing to a friend, shortly after her removal, Mrs. Hawkes 
 says, — " I spent last week in visiting my old and ever kind 
 friends in Little James Street. Mrs. Cecil most bitterly com- 
 plains of my ' inflexibility.' And I assure you that it costs me 
 more than she knows to keep it up. But I consider it very 
 wrong, and unworthy, to act only hom feeling instead of being 
 ruled by ih^ judgment. And therefore till some circumstance 
 arises that will allow me to think it right to return, I hope to 
 be able to withstand all her persuasive powers; and all the 
 earnest entreaties of the dear children. One or other of them 
 come to see me most days; so that though we are separated, 
 our intercourse is not interrupted. I am very comfortable here, 
 and have a room and fire entirely to myself, which is a great 
 enjoyment. My health has been rather better of late, but my 
 complaint continues much the same." 
 
 The purifying and sanctifying effects of Mrs. Hawkcs's pain- 
 ful dispensation, became now more and more evident, in her 
 rapidly improving Christian character. This design and ten- 
 dency was made so far manifest to herself, that she was ena- 
 bled to kiss the rod, even while smarting under its strokes : as 
 appears in the next, and many subsequent memorials of her 
 Christian experience. 
 
 Nov. 1802. — " Purifying work is painful work : the refining 
 furnace needs a well-established confidence in, and love to, the 
 great Refiner. I feel there is much dross to be purged away. 
 My nature trembles at the fire : but my faith commits the pro- 
 cess to God, with strong cries, ' Correct me in mercy and not 
 in judgment.' ' By this shall the iniquity of Jacob be purged 
 away ; and this is all the fruit to take away his sin.' And again, 
 * Every branch in me that bcareth fruit. He purgeth it, that it 
 may bring forth more fruit.' God is now seeming to say to 
 me, Instead of bringing thy suflerings to a close, as thou hast 
 
CHAr. V. FROM A. D. 1802 to 1811. 183 
 
 impatiently desired, thou must still be 'emptied from vessel to 
 vessel.' One trying dispensation shall give place to another; 
 and this is designed, — 
 
 First, To bring thy sins to remembrance, and to correct thee. 
 
 Secondly, ♦ To prove thee,' and shew thee what is yet in 
 Ihine heart. 
 
 Thirdhj, To purify and purge away thy dross. 
 
 Fourthly, To make thee ' as a weaned child,' from every 
 created good. 
 
 Fifthly, To bring down thy proud independent spirit, and 
 teach thee submission and dependence. 
 
 Sixthly, To afford thee opportunity to glorify thy Father 
 which is in heaven, by speaking good of his name; and by 
 bringing forth the fruits of patience, love, &c. 
 
 Seventhly, To make thee meet for glory. 
 
 '* My honoured minister in one of his sermons says, ' Oh it 
 is a mighty blessing indeed, if God makes use of any affliction 
 whatever to bring us nearer to himself, and to make us know 
 more of ourselves, and to become acquainted with his dispen- 
 sations towards us.' 
 
 " I would humbly adore and praise God the Holy Ghost, 
 who alone teacheth to profit, i. e. to purpose, who in some 
 measure enables my almost broken heart to respond feelingly, 
 and I trust sincerely, ' Yes, I do find it a mighty blessing.' 
 May my life, as well as my lips and heart, bear the same re- 
 port : or it will be to little purpose." 
 
 The following letter was, about this time, written by the 
 Rev. John Newton, to Mrs. Hawkes. 
 
 Nov. 18, 1802. 
 " My Dear Madam, 
 
 " You are now removed out of old seventy-eight's track, 
 and therefore I must try my poor eyes, which are very weak, 
 to send you a small token of my love upon paper. 
 
 " ' VVe must through many tribulations enter into the king- 
 dom of God :' so our Lord has forewarned us, but he adds, 
 ' In mo ye shall have peace.' Tribulations, both you and I 
 have felt, and still feel ; but I trust at the bottom of them all, 
 we have peace within, from the knowledge of our acceptance 
 in the Beloved, and His gracious promises of strength, accord- 
 ing to our day ; and that He will, in the final event, make all 
 things, whether sweet or bitter to the flesh, to work together 
 for our good. 
 
 " Though ' man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward,' 
 none of them spring out of the ground. They are all to God's 
 
184 MEMOIRS OF 3rRS. HAWKES. 
 
 own people, under the direction of infinite wisdom and love. 
 If we are ' in heaviness,' there is a ' needs be' for it, — whether 
 we know it or not. For He who so loved us as to die upon 
 the cross to free us from the curse of the law, will not inflict 
 any unnecessary i>ain on those whom He has taught to put 
 their trust in Him. Some of our afflictions are medicinals, to 
 check that worst of maladies, indwelling sin, — or to prevent a 
 relapse : and though, at present, they are not joyous but griev- 
 ous, we know not how much worse it might have been. If 
 you had always remained as you were when I first knew you, 
 — or I, as I was three or four years ago, Satan might have 
 lulled us asleep upon ' the enchanted ground.' But the Lord 
 in mercy sent something to rouse us. Our path has been 
 rough, but I trust it will be safe; and we shall one day say, 
 ' Happy affliction, which brought me nearer to my God, or 
 prevented any wandering from Him.' 
 
 " Again, sometimes the Lord honours his people by appoint- 
 ing them a great trial. As He has given them to believe in his 
 name, so also He gives them to ' suffer for his sake.' So far 
 as he enables us to support affliction with cheerful submission, 
 patience, and hope, — so far the post of trial is a po<t of honour. 
 Thereby the reality and power of religion, the power and faith- 
 fulness of our Lord in supporting and relieving, is exhibited to 
 his glory, for the encouragement of believers and the convic- 
 tion of gainsayers ; and we ourselves are taught more and 
 more of the vanity of creature-dependence, and the all suffi- 
 ciency of our great and unchangeable Friend, who has pro- 
 mised, that ' If we suffer with Him, we shall also reign with 
 Him.' 
 
 " Let us cheer up, madam : the time is short, and shorten- 
 ing apace. Every pulse we feel, beats a sharp moment of the 
 pain away ; and the last stroke will come: then heaven will 
 make amends for all. 1 commend you to the Lord's blessing. 
 Dear Miss Cailett, though not quite well, is better than when 
 she first came home, and is again a great comfort to me. Pray 
 for her, and for 
 
 " Your affectionate, 
 
 " John Newton." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's next memorandum opens the year 1803. 
 
 Jan. 2. — " Never did I expect to see the beginning of the 
 year 1803. It must be almost a miracle if I live to see 1804. 
 Nay, so does death seem to hover over me, that when morn- 
 ing comes, I say, ' It is very probable I may not see the night ;' 
 
CHAP, v.— FROM A. D. 1802, TO 1811. 185 
 
 and when night comes, ' it is more than probable that I may 
 never see the morning.' 
 
 " Has then my soul dressed herself for immortality? Is the 
 wedding garment on, and all in readiness for the Bridegroom? 
 Conscitmce, ' What of the night?' Soul, ' What of the night?' 
 Canst thou upon sure ground say, ' Come, Lord Jesus, come 
 quickly?' 
 
 " VVilhin these seven years 1 have been twice apparently on 
 the borders of the grave. In either case, had the Lord taken 
 me, I should have escaped many and great sufferings ; but I 
 should have known far less of the Lord's goodness and truth 
 to me a poor sinner. I trust he has made me more willing to 
 suffer, so that he be but present with me through my affliction. 
 How have 1 this evening been refreshed in my spirit by a let- 
 ter from my invaluable sister! Oh that every poor sufferer 
 had the comfort of such a sisler and friend in trouble!" 
 
 The following undated letter from Mrs. Jones, seems that to 
 which Mrs. Hawkes here refers : — 
 
 '' I wish I had a letter from my dear sister, that I might 
 share in her joys and sorrows : and enter, by sympathy, into 
 her severe pains and languid weakness; and notice, how the 
 spirit is weighed down and depressed by its union with the 
 bodv ; and how the soul rises from under the weight ; ' Cast 
 down but not destroyed,' by the pressure of affliction. When 
 I was once suffering from excruciating pain, it appeared to me 
 that all my powder to endure was derived from keeping hold, 
 by faith, on the hem of Christ's garment. The pious Beve- 
 ridge has said, ' the latter works of a Christian are furnace 
 works.' Faith and patience are furnace works indeed, and 
 blessed are they that endure, not they that resist. ' Fight 
 manfully,' was not a cursory precept, but an upholding word 
 for a trying hour. Thank God,' there are not years of unre- 
 mitting contest, but ' days' of tribulation, and ' hours' of temp- 
 tation. It is proper we should encourage each other ; and ' so 
 much the more as we see the day approaching.' A little more 
 conflict, a few more days of heaviness, before all tears are 
 wiped away for ever ! When you and I arc sealed at the feet 
 of the great Captain of our salvation, we shall shout victory to 
 Him ; and if there were any garments of shame in heaven, we 
 would cover ourselves with them, while we give glory to our 
 great Deliverer. What encouragement is it under all present 
 trials to have access to the ' God of hope,' the ' God of patience,' 
 and the ' God of all consolation.' He has yet to give more 
 16* 
 
186 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 than we can ask or think : and He can impart lo his suffering 
 children as much power to endure as He pleases. No pen can 
 describe what the martyrs experienced of his mighty power ; 
 and we have the same promises as they, and the same God. 
 Farewell. "A. J." 
 
 As in natural things, there are sudden and visible stages of 
 advancement ; so, in the Christian experience of Mrs. Hawkes, 
 the reader will be pleased to observe at this period, remarka- 
 ble enlargement of mind, from the gloomy and desponding 
 feelings which marked some of the past extracts. This im- 
 provement. must be ascribed to the ripening influences of grace 
 upon her heart, by which, faith and hope were brought into 
 fuller exercise ; producing a cheerful acquiescence in her pain- 
 ful dispensation, accompanied by a corrected view of her past 
 tendency to depression. 
 
 Mai'cJi, 1803. — "There is nothing upon which I look back 
 with more real shame, and I hope real sorrow, than upon past 
 seasons of murmuring, discontent, and fretfulness. I say 
 past seasons, because though 1 am still loo apt to feel the same 
 evil spirit, and am never at any time a thousandth part so 
 thankful as 1 ought to be, yet there have been seasons in which 
 1 have been a victim; and that which I now, through great 
 mercy, feel only occasionally, I in those seasons fell continu- 
 ally, and almost constantly; by which, 1 now see, I was an 
 infinite loser. While robbers are in the house, we are often 
 either in a sound sleep, or do not hear them, or aie too much 
 terrified to recollect what spoils they may make : but after- 
 wards, when our recollection returns, then we perceive the 
 plunder. Thus it has been with me. While I was under the 
 dominion of discontent and unihankfulncss, I considered not the 
 devastation. I said daringly, that '1 did well to be angry.' 
 This, and that, was cause enough, Alas, all this time 1 was 
 being robbed of my faith, my lK)pe, my peace, my confidence, 
 my innumerable comforts, my pleasant prospects. That tem- 
 ple which was preparing for the Holy Spirit's residence, I was 
 resigning into the hands of evil spirits: for when once a dis- 
 contented devil gets in, his name is ' Legion' : and if he is not 
 directly cast out by faith, watchfulness, prayer, and continual 
 care to cultivate the opposite spirit, lie will soon gain posses- 
 sion, and destroy every holy, every pleasant plant. Oh, how 
 in my own case, and in others too, have 1 seen every pleasant 
 thing blighted and withered by this horrid demon ! 
 
CHAP, v. — FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 187 
 
 "There are many of us who may, I trust, with safety be 
 numbered amont^ believers, who would be sliocked if we were 
 under the dominion of open sins; and who yel are not suffi- 
 ciently aware, that if the sin of discontent is not so scandalous 
 in the eyes of men, it is as hateful in the sight of God ; and 
 perhaps more fatal because less marked. It eats as doth a 
 canker ; it blights and withers all the Chri.sii; n graces; it in- 
 jures and iiardens the minds of those with whom we live; it 
 turns all the privileges and blessings we have, (and who has 
 not many more than he deserves ?) into poison. Nothing can 
 be more opposed to that exhortation of \he apostle, 'Let this 
 mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.'" 
 
 Good-Friday, April 8, 1803. — " I have been endeavouring, 
 under grievous pain, to contemplate the sufferings of my Sav- 
 iour, which this day is set apart to commemorate ; and through 
 the help of the FJoly Spirit, I have been enabled to meditate 
 thereon with profit. Shall I, who am a sinner, faint under my 
 affliction'/ rather will I take comfort that, by these sufferings, 
 I am brought to a nearer acquaintance and union with my suf- 
 fering Lord, than 1 could have known without ihrm. Herein 
 will I rejoice, that ' We have not an High Priest which cannot 
 be touched with the feeling of our infirmities.' None but the 
 believer can flee into the bosom of his Chasiiser, and kiss the 
 hand that smites him; and afflictions are desigjied to produce 
 this disposition. To this do I now, under the very dominion 
 of pain, set my seal, namely, that as Hir as this disposition is 
 really produced, — which it can only by the sanctifying influen- 
 ces of the Holy Spirit, — no affliction ccn be thought too severe 
 which may have helped to obtain it. This shall silence my 
 too petulent enquiries, why this comfort, and the other conve- 
 nience, is withheld ? Communicn with a suffering and exalted 
 Saviour, shall cheer my otherwise desolate and sorrowful 
 hours. '^ 
 
 " lead me to the Rock 
 
 Thai's high al)ove my head : 
 
 And make the covert of thy wingfs 
 
 My shelter and my shade." 
 
 April 30. — " I perceive that one design of my long and 
 painful disorder is to bring my spirit not only to submit, but to 
 rest itself, in that against which it naturally rises up with a 
 mighty resistance. Nothing has ever been so dreadful, so bit- 
 ter to my soul, as a state of dependence ; I have said, * Everso 
 little, if it be but in my own keeping ; if I may but have it with- 
 out a suppliaut's cry.' 1 find by attention to what is passing 
 
188 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 within, that this old evil principle only gives way, inch by inch, 
 disputing and struggling to the last. \C at one time it seems 
 more wounded than at another, it presently, upon some sudden 
 occasion, rises up again like a lion. ' O Lord, I am oppressed, 
 undertake for me.' Destroy this evil principle of pride and 
 unbelief. Not only do Thou ])reserve me from repining be- 
 cause thou ordainesl that 1 should be, (as thousands of thy 
 children have been before,) dependent upon thee for daily bread, 
 but make me pleased not only to receive it, but to ask it from 
 such hands as are disposed, or able, to send it me. Enable 
 me to take pleasure in dependence: to say from the bottom of 
 my heart, that since thou dost appoint it, it is the thing I choose. 
 I am ready to hope I do feel some change for the better in this 
 respect: but when my love of dependence is utterly destroyed, 
 then indeed I shall have a strong evidence that my affliction 
 has been greatly blessed to my soul." 
 
 Though Mrs. Hawkes was now constantly confined to her 
 sick-chamber, a sphere of usefulness was opening before her 
 in the opportunity of assisting, by her crnversation and instruc- 
 tion, manv younger Christians. She took much delight in the 
 society of young persons, to whose affections she found easy 
 access by the sweet and social temper of her own mind. One 
 after another resorted to her for the advantage of her counsel 
 or encouragement; and thus, by degrees, her religious ac- 
 quaintance became extensive. The next memorandum fur- 
 nishes an example of the solemn manner in which she reflected 
 on the cases of those who spoke to her upon the stale of their 
 souls. 
 
 June, 1803. — "A person has been talking to me, who ex- 
 presses mufh desire to ' enter the strait gale' and to walk in 
 the ' narrow way ;' but who is fearful she cannot get on, be- 
 cause of her hindrances, and because she is solitary ; she there- 
 fore looks on this side and that, for the arm of some close 
 friend to lean upon. May it please God to cause her to hear 
 the Gospel trumpet, waxing louder and louder, saying as it does 
 to every one of us, ' Escape for thy life ; look not behind thee, 
 neither stay thou in all the plain: escape to the mountain, lest 
 thou be consumed.' There have been many solitary travel- 
 lers, and that too among females, who have made their way 
 against every sort of opposition. If God says, ' VValk alone,' 
 He will give wisdom and strength: and we must not wait for 
 any human arm, though we may wish for one. In the day 
 
CHAP, v.— FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 189 
 
 of judgment, it will be in vain to say to our Judge, ' I could 
 not escape, or flee, as thou didst command me, because I had 
 no father, no husband, no brother, no sister, no friend, to help 
 me.' Our own mouth would condemn us ; for God was made 
 manifest in the flesh that He might be a Father, a Husband, a 
 Brother, a Friend : and such the Holy Scriptures declare Him ; 
 and such the believer experimentally finds Him. There is a 
 case, that seems to allow us more to say, and such I have seen, 
 namely, when the wife thought she should have received more 
 help from the Christian husband ; the brother from the brother ; 
 and the Christian (riend from the friend. But in such cases, 
 instead of mourning, faltering, complaining, we should stop and 
 ask, ' Do I use all the help 1 have?' If so, it may be that 
 God does not allow me to find all I wish in the creature, lest I 
 should lean too much, and so continue feeble; lest I should 
 build upon a religion not my own. He disappoints me in the 
 cistern, that I may apply to the Fountain : for after all, though 
 the waters are pleasant in the streams, they are most life-giv- 
 ing from the Fountain. So that even in this case, our mouth 
 will be stopped with shame, because there can be no ground for 
 complaint, while we have God for our Father, Jesus Christ for 
 our Saviour, and the Holy Spirit for our guide; and while we 
 have the ordinances, both public and private, for our instruc- 
 tion and consolation. But here is the mistake, — we incline to 
 external helps, because we find it more easy to look to them 
 than to maintain a secret and close walk with God. ' Come, 
 my people, enter thou into thy chamhers, and shut thy doors 
 about thee.' Nothing so efleciually leaches us to do this as af- 
 fliction." 
 
 The correspondence which Mrs. Hawkes maintained, was 
 another means by which her usefulness was extended. A 
 friend who has kindly furnished some letters for this Memoir, 
 writes at the time of forwarding them : — 
 
 "I was favoured with Mrs. Havvkes's correspondence for 
 many years, which I considered my greatest earthly blessing, 
 as a preservative from evil, and as a safe guide in the path be- 
 fore me. Before being under the influence of religion, the de- 
 sire to please her, and enjoy her approbation, acted as a talis- 
 man spoken of in fairy tales. Her letters were to me most 
 valuable, and the great ordinance which a gracious God was 
 pleased to make use of for my comfort and encouragement 
 through many trials." The extracts which follow, from letters 
 addressed to this friend, will manifest that she wrote as well as 
 
190 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 spoke in the spirit recommended by the apostle, Heb. x. 25. 
 " Exhorting one another : and so much the more as ye see the 
 day approaching : " — 
 
 " You say, you hope God will teach you ' to understand 
 practically, as well as in theory, the meaning of justification.' 
 But I think you confound the term justification with sanctifica- 
 tion ; by which your views may be kept confused, while you 
 are really the subject of both, it is a great advantage to have 
 clear and distinct views, and to understand the true meaning 
 of terms. Nor can the child of science, of business, or of 
 literature, make any progress but as he first gets well informicd 
 as to terms. Much more should the Christian be informed in 
 every thing which belongs to so important a profession; and 
 I name this, that your mind may not be perplexed. If I have 
 time, I will transcribe a few sentences that are well expressed, 
 and perspicuous, on the subject of justification and sanctifica- 
 tion.i 
 
 " You must excuse me, as indeed I am sure you will, if in 
 writiniT to you, I seem to take too much the teacher's chair; 
 which arises not, (if I know any thing of myself) from a vain 
 wish to appear somebody, but simply because 1 feel that I shall 
 assuredly soon be gone; and therefore 1 am anxious to give 
 you every possible hint ; more especially as yon say, I am your 
 only confidant in these matters. I learn from the faculty, that 
 the termination of my complaint is likely to take place sudden- 
 ly; and so continually am 1 attacked with symptoms that are 
 significant, that I only wonder I live from day to day. I there- 
 fore feel towards you, and some other of my friends, that I 
 am no longer under the restraint of delicacy or ceremony, but 
 under the law of love, which obliges me to do all the good 1 
 can. If ever I can be supposed to have a just view, and a just 
 estimate of things, it must be now, when I am every hour, and 
 often every moment expecting the command 'to depart hence 
 and be no more seen.' There can be no dissembling on a 
 death-bed; and I only wish I could impart to you my views 
 and feelings, both with respect to this world, and the next. 
 Believe me, what things appear to be in a dying hour, that 
 they really are. May divine grace enable you to look at them 
 in this only true point of view; and teach you to cultivate a 
 life of faith : that is, to be like those of old, continually look- 
 ing * not at the things which are seen, but at the things that 
 are not seen.' Nothing is a greater enemy to faith than sense ; 
 
 1 These extracts have not been forwarded with the letters. 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 19l 
 
 and if, through the divine aid, you can get into the habit of 
 turning your eye and ear Ironi present things, and simply ask, 
 
 « what does God say in his word about this or that matter,' 
 
 it will be a blessed habit indeed ; and will keep you from much 
 
 loss. 
 
 * * * * * * * * 
 
 "Do not let us give way to discouraging apprehensions, as 
 if our salvation were not in Almighty hands. If our Saviour 
 has undertaken to deliver us from the power of Satan, he has 
 also undertaken to deliver us from the dominion of sin, and 
 from being our own ruin, as we certainly should be, without 
 his gracious care. We are to be ' workers together with Him.' 
 There are two very dangerous errors 5 — one is, to believe that 
 Christ has done every thing for us, and therefore we need not 
 be concerned as to our part of the affair; — and the other is, 
 to believe that He has done apart of the work, and has left 
 us to perform the remainder, by our own ability : one leads to 
 presumption, the other to despondency ; and both, if persevered 
 in, to ruin. May you in mercy be kept from every species of 
 
 error — for so much error, so much loss." 
 
 # * * * * 
 
 "1 wish, with you, that your brother had some wise Chris- 
 tian friend and counsellor; for it is an universal remark, that 
 young converts, from their zeal and inexperience, are exposed 
 to much suffering and loss. I think the best advice that can 
 be given him, is, that he should not much seek religious society 
 in general, but take all the time he can, for getting rooted and 
 grounded in right principles, by prayer, and the study of the 
 Bible. You know my opinion about connexions, — that I es- 
 teem it a mercy to have been kept, at my first setting out in 
 religion, from forming any. 'J'o ponder divine truth in the 
 heart, and hold converse with an ever gracious Saviour, is the 
 best plan." 
 
 To the same, after her marriage: — 
 
 *' I hope, my dear friend, you are entering more and more 
 into the happy secret of reposing yourself on a divine helper ; 
 and in order to facilitate your progress, pray that you may be 
 enabled to acquaint yourself n)ore intimately with the Divine 
 Character; that is, with the character in which Christ, in all 
 his offices and relations, condescends to stand to us. You will 
 only get on with advantage, as you look more to Him, and 
 more off yourself, and all created things. He knows you have 
 
192 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 a feeble frame ; He knows you have to encounter the cares of 
 a family; He knows all your hindrances, and all your temp- 
 tations and trials; and that which you should labour after, is, 
 to tell him of your depravity, — of your weakness, — of your 
 wants ; and receive out of his fulness ' grace for grace.' You 
 say, ' if prayer and meditation be necessary, you cannot tell 
 how the soul is to thrive w ilhout twie for such exercises ; and, 
 in a family, such time cannot be easily obtained.' Here you 
 are tacitly inclinmg to the side of him who said, ' Thou reapest 
 where thou hast not sown, and gatherest where thou hast not 
 strawed.' But it is you, who are requiring of yourself, more 
 than does your merciful Master. If only a short season can 
 be afforded, He will be satisfied wif-h a short season : only take 
 care that you never delmud Him of one single quarter of an 
 hour that you can give. While you are told to be ' fervent in 
 spirit,' you are also told to be ' diligent in business.' None 
 disgrace their holy profession more, than they who make it a 
 pretence to neglect one necessary family duty. Nor need this 
 interfere with making the affairs of the soul still the first care ; 
 fox first they must bo, or they will soon be nothing. As you 
 advance in Christianity, you will be able to get into a habit of 
 mental meditation, and ejaculatory prayer, that will greatly 
 help you ; not to the setting aside stated seasons, but as pre- 
 paratives thereto. As your faith strengthens, you will under- 
 stand that there is, even in this world of conflict, ' A rest pre- 
 pared for the people of God,' and into which they do enter by 
 faith: some more than others, according to the strength and 
 prevalency of grace ; but not one pertectly ; for perfect rest 
 is only to be enjoyed in heaven. This is a state of combat, 
 not of rest ; — 
 
 * A call to duty, not discharge from care.' 
 
 Hereafter we shall enjoy such a blessed rest, as will make ali 
 our present trials and troubles appear but as momentary." 
 
 We now return to Mrs. Hawkes's diary, and find her occu- 
 pying her solitary hours in summing up those mercies with 
 which her afflictions were mingled. 
 
 Avis^ust, 1803. — " In my painful struggle over the bridge of 
 time, 1 am sometimes forcibly struck with one mercy vouch- 
 safed to me, and sometimes with a view of another; just as 
 the ray of the sun passing over a picture, in which there are 
 many figures, brings out first one and then anolher, more vi- 
 
CHAP. V FR03I A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 193 
 
 vidly than the rest, though the other figures are still visible. I 
 would keep in view all my mercies, though they are more than 
 can be numbered. I have many pleasant friends, and am 
 thankful for the acquisition of another. Mem. Those friends 
 have always proved the best, whom 1 never sought, but who 
 were sent to me unexpectedly." 
 
 Oct. 1803. — " To ennumerate all my manifold mercies un- 
 der my present afflictive dispensation, is impossible: but some 
 of them I can dwell on with great thankfulness. My severe 
 and incurable disease has removed many anxieties : 
 
 '* First. It fully proves beyond all dispute, that 1 am in ray 
 proper place, where lean have the best medical help, and where I 
 can have the administration of my truest and dearest friends ; and 
 where I am not exposed to those circumstances of constant agi- 
 tation vvhich would have been peculiarly aggravating to my 
 complaint, as well as fatal to my rest of mind. 
 
 " Secondly. It removes anxious desires, and constant pro- 
 jects, to enter upon some way of procuring a maintenance; so 
 that I should not seem to eat the bread of idleness, and not 
 enter, as I ought, into the dispensation of poverty, with which 
 God has seen good to visit me. 
 
 " Thirdly. It changes censure into compassion ; and some, 
 who before were disposed to judge harshly, now express sym- 
 pathy. 
 
 " Fourthly. It takes away a host of fears about the future. 
 I have not now to look forward to many sorrows which life 
 would present, and which to me would be far harder to bear 
 than any thing I now have, either in feeling or prospect. 
 
 " Fifthly. It has proved to me, that there are no real friends 
 but such as are found among the godly. 
 
 ^^ Sixthly. While 1 have the most decided message, 'Thou 
 shalt die and not live,' yet the sentence is executed so gradu- 
 ally, that I am not put into a hurry, but time and help is grant- 
 ed me to put my house in order. 
 
 " Seventhly. While the pain of my complaint is sufficient 
 to keep death in sight, yet it is so bearable as to allow me to 
 keep possession of my mind, and to occupy many hours pleas- 
 antly and profitably which would otherwise be very heavy. 
 It also secures for me that quiet, retirement, and leisure, vvhich 
 are so congenial and delightful to my mind, and so desirable 
 in order to prepare for death. 
 
 *' Eighthly. I am, by this dispensation, led to see more, 
 than 1 ever before did, of the utter emptiness, and nothingness, 
 of every thing in which God is not ; and how infinitely he 
 17 
 
l94 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 surpasses whatever bears the name of excellent ; and that in 
 the midst of disease, poverty, and the keenest trials, yet ' hap- 
 py beyond all description' is ' he that hath the God of Jacob 
 for his portion.' Most happy, even in this life." 
 
 When Mrs. Hawkes uses the expression, " a dispensation of 
 poverty," siie speaks relatively^ comparing her present state 
 of entire dependence, with her former affluent circumstances. 
 Actual poverty, as it implies the want of necessaries, she ne- 
 ver experienced ; for when all remittances ceased from that 
 quarter whence she might naturally expect them, a certain, 
 though small income, was supplied by her own relatives ; and 
 that long before she became a widow. In her latter years, 
 when, by the pressure of sickness, her necessary expenses 
 were unavoidably increased, her resources were, from time to 
 time, enlarged by the offerings of Christian love: as well as by 
 the generous and more regular assistance rendered her by 
 her affectionate nephews. And so much was her naturally 
 independent spirit corrected by grace, that she became as wil- 
 lino- to receive kindness, as to show it. Indeed she could take 
 pleasure in necessities, as we see in the following passages of 
 her diary : — 
 
 Nov. 1803. — *' When persons have been, like myself, re- 
 duced in life, and brought to a state of dependence, it is very- 
 common to hear one and another old friend and acquaintance 
 say, with a tone of pity, ' Ah ! 1 knew her in her better days ! I 
 remember so and so, in her better days!' Nor is there any im- 
 propriety in the expression, in their sense of it. But this I know 
 by experience, that the days of ease and worldly prosperity are 
 seldom to Christians, their better days. So far from it, that to 
 the praise and glory of God's holy name would I speak it, I have 
 substantial reason to call these my better days; — these days 
 and nights of pain, — these days in which I am visited with an 
 incurable disorder, — these days of frequent anxiety from va- 
 rious quarters ; these days of almost absolute confinement 
 and solitude, — are not only my better, but my best days : be- 
 cause the Saviour condescends to be more present with me in 
 them: to manifest himself as he does not to the world; to 
 stand by my bed of affliction, and speak kindly to my lieart ; 
 because I am taught by affliction, and enabled by grace, to cul- 
 tivate the life of faith ; which is as superior to the life of sense, 
 as the heavens are higher than the earth ; and that, even in so 
 very small a measure as I have known it. 
 
CHAP, v.— FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 195 
 
 " I heartily, and, as far as I know, sincerely thank Thee, 
 
 Heavenly Father, for giving me the blessed portion of thy 
 children, (though it be a bitter j)ortion to flesh and blood,) rather 
 than the portion of the worldling, which is too apt to be looked 
 upon with admiration, desire, and envy, — even by such as in 
 reality know better." 
 
 Dec. 11, 1803. — "A letter has lately brought tidings of the 
 approach of an outward calamity which I have long dreaded : 
 but because it has never actually taken place, I had in some 
 measure, (as I discover by my present feelings,) ceased to re- 
 alize it as probable. It is now come upon me like a flood, — . 
 and I have for some days been in danger of sinking, more than 
 
 1 ought, in the newly troubled waters. I had hoped, as my 
 days are near a close, I should have been permitted to go to 
 the grave in outward as well as inward peace ; I had hoped to 
 have no new solicitude as to how I should be taken care of, — 
 when, behold, the waves begin to rise higher and rougher. 
 My unbelieving fears would present terrible things to my view. 
 1 have already looked at the waters till 1 begin to sink. But 
 to-day my Saviour has stretched out his arm of love, and has 
 said to me as he said to the disciples, 'Wherefore do ye doubt, 
 O ye of little faith?' And I now find, though every thing with- 
 out continues the same, that the storm within begins to sub- 
 side, and I am filled with sham.ethat I am still of so little faith: 
 little indeed ! to doubt after such manifold mercies : I would go 
 to Manoah's wife and blush. 
 
 " I am often told by my invaluable minister, and I know it 
 by almost continual experience, that 1 am shamefully defective 
 in faith with respect to the supply of my bodily wants. I am 
 rather at a loss how to account for this. I seem more able to ex- 
 ercise faith with regard to the supply of my spiritual, than my 
 temporal wants. Yet how inconsistent is this ! for will God 
 take care of the greater and not of the less? Will he provide 
 for my soul, and leave my body to starve 1 Yet still misgiv- 
 ings harass me, and I feel it harder to live by the day, in this 
 case, thaw in any other. ' Lord, increase my faith,' and par- 
 don my sin and folly." 
 
 It might not be easy, at this remote period, to ascertain what 
 particular circumstance threatened suddenly to cut ofl' Mrs. 
 Hawkes's small pecuniary supplies. The distress which such 
 an event would occasion her, even in anticipation, may be con- 
 ceived, — since she was now living with relations who were not 
 able to receive her without remuneration. That her present 
 
196 MEMOIRS OF MKS. HAWKES. 
 
 fears were of this nature, may be gathered from the following 
 note, sent to her by Mr. Cecil at this moment of anxiety : — 
 
 '* My dear Madam, 
 
 " As I cannot stir without my horse, and as it is danger- 
 ous to venture out in such a frost, I add a line with the rest, 
 this morning, to say, that whatever pain the letter you received 
 yesterday might occasion you, — and of course it would give 
 us pain on account of your feelings, — yet I confess to you that 
 we have a secret satisfaction in every movement which has a ten- 
 dency to place you again in your old quarters. From thence 
 I most sincerely wish you may never be removed, till you en- 
 ter the 'House not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." 
 I am also happy to observe, that we are not more dssirous to 
 have you for a perpetual guest, that my daughters are to ad- 
 minister to your many, and often painful, infirmities ; nor do I 
 believe that any piece of news, — not even the defeat of Buo- 
 naparte, — would give them so much pleasure as your return. 
 " I have had a thought upon your affairs, which 1 will com- 
 municate as soon as I can. Till then, I am glad you have 
 taken no step. 
 
 " I remain most truly yours, 
 
 " R. Cecil." 
 ' ''Friday Morning, Dec. 9, 1803." 
 
 Under the existing circumstances, it was thought advisable 
 that Mrs. Hawkes should leave, for a season, her present dwell- 
 ing, and return to Little James Street. There she remained 
 till Mr. Cecil's family went to Chobham in the following sum- 
 mer: at which time, her affairs being arranged, she returned 
 back to her niece at Constitution Row, with whom she resided 
 nine years ; — making only occasional visits, in the winter, to 
 her friends in Little James Street. 
 
 The complaint from which Mrs. Hawkes was suffering, (an 
 internal tumour,) occasioned, among other painful symptoms, 
 severe attacks of spasm. Medical men were of opinion, that her 
 decease would take place suddenly, from the great oppression 
 on her breath, — should the tumour continue to increase in size, 
 as rapidly as it had hitherto done. In one of her letters to 
 Mrs. Jones about this time she says : 
 
 "1 was this morning awakened out of sleep by some dis- 
 tressing oppression upon my breath, which gave me the idea 
 of sudden death : but as this has so long and so often attacked 
 me, it is not a circumstance to be considered as the immediate 
 
CHAP, v.— FROM A. D. 1802, TO 1811. 197 
 
 forerunner of dissolution, or I had been gone long ago. I con- 
 sider it, however, as a call to be ready ; and I never feel my 
 mind so composed and happy, as when I am under the strong- 
 est impressions of being suddenly called home ; therefore in- 
 stead of putting it from me, 1 cultivate and encourage the im- 
 pression. 
 
 •' The expectation of sudden death, to one in any measure 
 sensible of the importance of dying, keeps the soul awake, and 
 careful to see that the loins be girded, and the lamp burning; 
 that all things are set in order and readiness, so that there is 
 nothing to do but to obey the summons. 
 
 ' The realizing of this expectation ajso helps me to get 
 through some of my most painful exercises of mind, much bet- 
 ter and more easily. When a keen pang darts through me 
 like a two-edged sword, and begins to rankle, I sometimes stop 
 it by ' How foolish ! what does it signify ! I am as one gone ! 
 it cannot be long at any rate I it may be the next hour ! nay, 
 the next minute^ Perhaps the expectation itself may be given 
 purposely to help me to endure : whether it be so or not, it 
 certainly has such an effect ; and I am grieved when any body 
 robs me of this comfort, by telling rne I shall live for years to 
 come ; which, as no one can possibly know for certain, so I 
 endeavour to discredit it. If I am not deceived by my too de- 
 ceitful heart, it gave me real pleasure when Mr. A. said, last 
 week, he perceived that the disease had increased, though my 
 health was pretty good. Surely it cannot be displeasing to 
 my Saviour that I should wish ' to be absent from the body, 
 and present with Him.' I am comforted by the recollection 
 that time is not necessary to Him, in order to bring about that 
 meetness which is wanted to fit my soul for his glorious king- 
 dom : ' With the word of a king there is power,' and he has 
 only to sav, ' Let it be done,' and his word shall be instantly 
 followed by every necessary preparation. Surely I may an- 
 swer to Him who saith, ' Behold I come quickly,' — 'Amen; 
 even so, come, Lord Jesus;' come, by the power of thy grace, 
 to ripen me for the garner, and then send forth thy messenger 
 to gather me in. But my pain bids me, for the present, lay 
 down my pen, and I obey, as I often do, most unwillingly. 
 Oh what a heavy clog is this body !" 
 
 The year 1804 supplies only a few unfinished extracts. 
 Mrs. Hawkes's increasing disease, occasionally attended with 
 severe spasms, may account for her discontinuing the use of a 
 regular diary. From this period the scattered remains of her 
 
 *17 
 
198 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Christian experience are found on single scraps of paper, writ- 
 ten probably at intervals of ease, and frequently marked with 
 the date of the year only. 
 
 1804. — " Why am I disposed to faint, or to complain, under 
 my various afflictions 1 Because my mind is not yet cast into 
 the mould of the gospel. Does the Scripture mean any thing, or 
 does it not, when from beginning to end, it clearly and fully 
 speaks, not only of the trials, temptations, and sufferings, of 
 God's people, but of the blessedness of such as are thus tried. 
 Nay, I know from happy experience, that ' It is good for me 
 that I have been afflicted.' And yet 1 am often ready to say, 
 ' It is enough : ' as if I were wiser than God ; or as if I would 
 be treated differently from the rest of his children ; or as if the 
 things I read of in the Bible were written as a mere history, 
 rather than as what must be wrought into my own experience. 
 It is /, myself, that must ' count it all joy' when I ' fall into 
 divers temptations.' It is /, that must ' reckon the sufferings 
 of this present time as not worthy to be compared with the 
 glory that shall follow.' It is /, as well as Moses, that must 
 'endure, as seeing Him who is invisible,' and with the very 
 same faith as he did; substantially — actually — steadily. 'Lord, 
 increase my faith ! ' Enable me to honour thee, by adding to 
 the too {e\w^ who suffer cheerfully ; glorifying my Father which 
 is in heaven. But this I can only do by the constant influences 
 of thy Holy Spirit." 
 
 1804. — "1 think and believe, (if I am not much deceived,) 
 that I do, from the very bottom of my heart, thank God, that 
 he has not given me riches, honours, nor worldly prosperity. 
 But I could not thank him for what he has denied me, if I was 
 not conscious and sure that he has given me what is infinitely 
 better ; so much better, that even the very earnest of my future 
 inheritance yields more than I can describe ; so much better, 
 that the afflictions, mortifications, fears, &c., that are given me 
 instead of health, wealth, and honour, are, in my estimation, 
 only the conveyance of necessary correction, medicine, and" — 
 
 1804. — " I feel a very earnest desire to proclaim, as loud 
 as I am able, ' The goodness of the Lord ; ' to bear witness to 
 his mercy. And I desire it more especially, because as he 
 hath declared himself in his holy word, so have I experienced 
 him, through years of trial, affliction, and distress. He is 
 good to the rebellious; such was I. 'He is found of them 
 that sought him not,' — nay, that sought every thing but Him; 
 — such was I. ' He hears the cry of the destitute; ' He bears 
 with, and pardons unfaithfulness, ingratitude, backsliding, im- 
 
CUAP. v.— FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 199 
 
 patience, &c. But as I cannot number his mercies, neither 
 can I number my own demerits. For this cause, I long to 
 sound his praise. But my tongue is often kept silent, and per- 
 haps ought to be more so, from the following considerations: — 
 
 First. The life and actions, and not the tongue, best show 
 forth the praise of God. It is easier to speak well, than to act 
 well. Every day, and hour, I can mark this and that in some 
 action or temper, that does not put honour upon God. 
 
 Secondly. Lest constitution, and strong feelings, should 
 give motion to my tongue, rather than grace. 
 
 Thirdly. Because se//" often steps forward into the place of 
 that Divine object on whom I would dwell ; and pride would 
 insinuate, ' How well you bear your affliction I Well may 
 the horrid insinuation strike me dumb; and when this evil 
 works, may I be dumb. 
 
 Fourthly. Though, as far as I know, I do desire to be 
 among the few that glorify God, and that because they are 
 few, and because praise is due to him ; — yet 1 fear, lest people 
 may mistake me, and think it is enthusiasm, or animal spirits, 
 or vain-glory, or — 
 
 Fifthly. Because, instead of exulting, T ought to be more 
 humbled, more with my moulh in the dust, more full of con- 
 fession, of contrition, and self-abasement. When Job had the 
 clearest and fullest knowledge of God, he said, ' Behold I am 
 vile, I will lay my hand upon my mouth.' When the prophet 
 saw the vision in the temple, he cried out, ' Woe is me, for I 
 am undone.' For which 1 fear, that I am only on the surface 
 of things, and that therefore my tongue is too flippant. 
 
 " I wish 1 could get an answer to the enquiry, — How far 
 a Christian, under peculiar trials, favoured with peculiar sup- 
 ports, may with the tongue endeavour to show forth the Lord's 
 mercy, notwithstanding he has, in himself, causes of humilia- 
 tion and sorrow, from the conflict of sin and Satan ? — and, se- 
 condly" — 
 
 The interesting and important enquiry here suggested, 
 causes a regret that the passage should end so abruptly, as to 
 deprive the reader of the close of that train of thought which 
 occupied the mind of the writer. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes was now seldom able to attend public ordi- 
 nances. Her great love to the courts of the Lord's house in- 
 duced her to make many painful efibrfs to frequent them. She 
 could only be conveyed to church on an elastic cushion, placed 
 
200 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 between the seats of a hackney coach ; and the paroxysms of 
 her pain frequently prevented her from remaining through the 
 service. How her soul longed after renewed opportunities of 
 worshipping in the sanctuary, and what was her estimate of 
 them, will be seen from the following letter to Mrs. Jones, in 
 which she writes : 
 
 " f was out on Sunday morning, because it was sacrament 
 Sunday ; but I much question if I can now go except on those 
 feast-days, which 1 shall give up still more reluctantly, if possi- 
 ble, than I do the other Sundays, w hich are commonly feast-days 
 too. But if 1 am deprived of both, I trust I shall not want; 
 for it is not from the ordinances, but from the God of ordinan- 
 ces, that good Cometh. I am indeed constantly astonished at 
 the goodness and mercy 1 every day experience: so much de- 
 merit, and yet so much loving-kindness! Truly as the hea- 
 vens are higher than the earth, so are His ways above our ways ! 
 
 " This time last year, I thought, if I should live to see ano- 
 ther winter, I should feel really unhappy. Yet I have lived, 
 and I am now glad on the account ; for though it has been a 
 year of suffering, yet 1 have also therein largely experienced 
 the Lord's faithfulness, love, and amazing condescension. The 
 views of himself and eternal things with which He has favoured 
 me ; the nearness and dependence into which he has been gra- 
 ciously leading me; together with a deep and abiding sense of 
 my own entire unworthiness and helplessness; and the vanity 
 and emptiness of earthly things, such as I never could have 
 gained but by suffering; — these oblige me to say, I am glad I 
 have seen this year; and I am led to hope that, if it should 
 seem best to the Divine will to continue me yet longer, I shall 
 not in the end be sorry. 1 confess I should feel it belter to de- 
 part ; yet I have no doubt that our conceptions of what God 
 has to reveal to faith, even in this world, are very inadequate. 
 We may say, I shall see glorious things in heaven ; and a 
 stronger degree of faith would say, 1 may, I shall, if it is not my 
 own fault, see, by faith, glorious things on earth — such as the 
 heart has never once conceived. The glorious character of 
 the Triune God, seems a subject of which we can hardly take 
 a glimpse: and which calls for every capacity of the soul and 
 mind, to explore in any degree. How does it at the same 
 time both humble and exalt! 
 
 " According to sense, I have much more to fear now than I 
 had last year. The prospect is dismal, and when faith ebbs, 
 and sense prevails, my fears are mighty : yet I dare not tempt 
 
CHAP. V FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 201 
 
 Divine power and goodness, by allowedly giving place to des- 
 pondency. Who is it that has taken care of me hitherto? 
 And who has kept me as in the hollow of his hand 1 Who is 
 it that has put it into the heart of so many friends to show me 
 such wonderful kindness 1 Ah ! He is too tried a friend for me 
 to distrust." 
 
 While, however, Mrs. Hawkes was generally prevented from 
 worshipping in the assembly of the saints, she was not left 
 comfortless; but was still enabled to seek, and enjoy, ineffable 
 communion with her adorable Saviour ; of which a glimpse is 
 afforded in the following extract: 
 
 Jan. 13, 1805, Sundai/. — " While seeking, and weeping, 
 after my Lord and Saviour, he seems to say to me with the 
 same gracious love and benignity as he did to Mary, ' Woman, 
 why weepest thou, whom seekelh thou 1' My heart replies, I 
 seek one, whom not having seen I love. One, whom my faith 
 realizes as ' the chlefest among ten thousand, and altogether 
 lovely.' One who can make me happy in himself, though all 
 other things were against me. One, whom to know is present 
 joy, and life eternal. I would only live to become more ac- 
 quainted with him." 
 
 Jan. 20, 1805, Sunday. — " Word was brought me that Mr. 
 C.'s text this morning was, ' Say ye to the righteous, it shall 
 be well with him ;' or, 'say ye to the righteous, good.' 
 
 ' The characters are such as God esteems good — not man — 
 not themselves.' 
 
 " I desire to stand forward as a witness to the truth of this 
 text. 1 have had years of pain — of humiliating circumstances 
 — of anxious cares and forebodings — of perpetual disturbance — 
 of inward conflict^of much confinement — yet I have had ex- 
 perience of Good, unspeakable : — Therefore, in pain, in weak- 
 ness, in humiliating circumstances, in disappointments, in soli- 
 tariness, in tossings, in conflict, and especially in death, ' Say 
 ye to the righteous, good.' And let every one bear their testi- 
 mony that 'good is the word of the Lord which he hath spo- 
 ken.'" 
 
 During the winters of 1805 and 1806, the writer of this 
 Memoir had the privilege and happiness of being Mrs. Hawkes's 
 constant companion and attendant. At that time, a deep im- 
 pression was made u[)on her mind, though but a child, by wit- 
 nessing the cheerful submission with which Mrs. Hawkes bore 
 her sufferings. Her kind and instructive canvcrsation made 
 
202 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 the hours, even of a sick room, to pass pleasantly. Every in- 
 terval of tolerable ease was occupied in listening to reading, 
 during which she would employ her hands in doing many lit- 
 tle offices, in order to lessen the duties of a servant, or to pro- 
 nnote cleanliness and order. Even when the infirmities of age 
 were added to those occasioned by disease, she was a pattern 
 of industry, and effort. She used often to say, " I consider it 
 an absolute duty not to yield to feelings of langour and lassi- 
 tude, but to rouse myself to exertion ; and 1 find that such 
 efforts, though often painful, tend to keep up good habits, which 
 in pain and sickness we naturally incline to neglect." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's hours of pain and solitude were at this time 
 much relieved by the Christian friendship, as well as medical 
 attention, of Dr. Fearon, whose active, sympathising, and un- 
 remitting kindness, was continued to the end of her life. The 
 benefit and comfort which she derived from Dr. Fearon's visits, 
 may be inferred from an allusion which Mr. Cecil makes to 
 his temporary absence from town, in the following letter to 
 Mrs. Havvkes : — 
 
 Chohham, Aug. 26, 1805. 
 
 " My dearest Daughter, 
 
 "I was thinking, (after reading your letter to Mrs. C, 
 received this morning,) of the new symptom of your disorder, 
 and the long absence of Dr, Fearon, and that I should send 
 you a line; but it occurred. What have I to write about? espe- 
 cially on a Saturday, when 1 ought to think only of my ser- 
 mons for the morrow. Yet I ought to recollect, that I have 
 some reasons also for writing. Are you not one of the ' plants 
 of my hand, and children of my prayer?' Are you not passing 
 through a very trying dispensation though, as my wife says, 
 the very happiest woman in the world? Is there, as you remark, 
 a soul left m town, &c. &c. 
 
 " But 1 must tell you, nty dear daughter, that I have received 
 considerable benefit from passing through the marked parts of 
 'Adam's Thoughts,' (which indeed are almost all marked in 
 my book,) and particularly with respect to the entire resigna- 
 tion we should make of our own will and choice, as to the 
 things and events. A believer seems quite to forget himself 
 when he begins to wish. 'The such and such things,' (such 
 1 mean as Foriunatus's cap and purse, and the ten thousand 
 things besides, which the nnfortundtusps pine after in vain,) 
 are all in the believer's inventory, and ready for his use, when- 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 203 
 
 ever he can use them. Of this we have infallible certainty; 
 we acknowledge it, and then sit down and wish ! 
 
 " <0 God,' says Mr. Adam, ' give me what thou knowest 
 to be good, and thou alone knowest; and if that is the reverse 
 of what I ask, give me that reverse, and let me not be undone 
 by my prayers.' 
 
 " VVe are, in s!iort, all wrong till we are in this stale of mind ; 
 while, the listening to our suggestions, and the leaning to our 
 understandings, is but walking with fools and robbers, the 
 trained gang of old ' Lord VVill-be-vvill,' that wicked one, which 
 my little daughter so cries out against. 
 
 " I cannot get a house in either of the parishes, or any thing 
 like one.* I have a mere chance, and that at four miles dis- 
 tance ; and as Mr. Jerram comes with hi.s family at Michael- 
 mas, to make preparation against his scholars' return in Octo- 
 ber, it is probalDle that I must remain here later than my fami- 
 ly, — which, I fear, you will sadly lament, as I have reason to 
 think you are yet not quite out of old Will-be-will's control, 
 though I know that you, as well as the child, protest against his 
 government. 
 
 " But after what I have written, I must not go to wishing, 
 but endeavour by example, to teach you not merely to be sa- 
 tisfied, but to be pleased with whatever occurs. Yet as I feel 
 greatly the infirmities of age coming on, and as 1 do not ex- 
 pect soon to be able to say with Adam, 'Blessed be God for 
 all his favours, and particularly for the special mercy of the 
 stone,' I cannot help wishing for a quiet retreat for the old 
 age of your very affectionate father and friend, 
 
 "R. Cecil." 
 
 A slight reference has been made (page 150) to the circum- 
 stance, that after Mrs. Hawkes became dependent, she had 
 thoughts of opening a borading-school. In one of the memo- 
 randums which belong to the year 1806, she confirms this fact, 
 by her own allusion to it : — 
 
 1806. — " In reviewing the great privilege, and high advan- 
 tage, of being an inmate in the house of my revered minister, 
 I have been ready to ask — Why is this! Surely it is to fit 
 
 1 It was on this occasion that Thomns Bainbridge, Esq. a mem- 
 ber of Mr. Cecil's congregation at 8l. John's, kindly and generously 
 came forward, and built a house at Chol)ham. which he let to Mr. Cecil, 
 at a low rate, as long as he was able to make use of it. — Ed. 
 
204 MEMOIBS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 me for some more active and useful sphere hereafter. When 
 I had thoughts of opening a boarding-school, my enquiry 
 seemed answered. But how diflerent is my dispensation ! In- 
 stead of active life, I am visited with an incurable disease, 
 shut up to endure solitary days and nights, in pain and rest- 
 less turnings. Instead of instructing others, I am made to turn 
 my eyes inward to my own heart. How great have been my 
 advantages, in having so long before my eyes the example of 
 my afflicted, suffering minister ! How often have I seen him 
 bear up under pain ! What lessons of humility, faith, patience, 
 holy fortitude, cheerful submission, resignation, and even 
 thankfulness, has he constantly exhibited I How he has seized 
 every interval of ease for the good of the church ! labouring 
 under extremity of pain, in his holy calling. And are these 
 lessons nothing worth to one who has also to pass through 
 many sufferings? They are of unspeakable value; and my aim 
 shall be to improve such an example, how little soever 1 may 
 attain ; and 1 will look ibr the same Divine helper that he had." 
 
 1806. — " 1 am much grieved for a dying friend who is in 
 a very uncomfortable state of mind ; and who seems unable to 
 adopt, under her dispensation, the language of Jeremiah, * He 
 putteth his mouth into the dust,' &c. ' V\ herefore doth a liv- 
 ing man complain?' Lam. iii. She unhappily keeps looking 
 at second cavses — a sure way to pierce herself with the sharp- 
 est thorns. Whatever blame may, and often does, attach to 
 instruments, yet it is the believer's privilege, and highest wis- 
 dom, to refer every circumstance through life, great and small, 
 to God, the great First Cause, who numbers the hairs of our head. 
 Till the heart and mind are brought to bow down in absolute sub- 
 mission, and to say with full consent and satisfaction, ' Shall 
 not the judge of all the earth do right?' there is no rest for the 
 soul. 
 
 *' But how is this absolute submission, self-renunciation, and 
 full acquiescence in the Divine will, to be obtained? By read- 
 ing many books? By hearing many sermons? By fre- 
 quenting the sacramental table? By the best human instruc- 
 tion and persuasion ? By separating from the customs, fash- 
 ions amusements, and company of the gay world? By learn- 
 ing to speak the language of peity ? By maintaing a religious 
 profession, and consorting with the excellent of the earth? 
 By having the understanding enlightened to understand gosj^ei 
 doctrines? By occasional strong convictions of sin, and Ire- 
 quent retiring to read the Scriptures? By saying, and with 
 meaning too. 'Let medio the death of the riiihteous?' Not 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 205 
 
 by these means alone, is this lesson of submission to be ob- 
 tained : but also by a deep impression made upon the heart, 
 by the teaching of the Holy Spirit. The blessed Spirit alone 
 can give a ' contrite heart ;' and a contrite heart alone can be an 
 absolutely submissive heart. 
 
 " Come, Holy Spirit, and teach me never more to question, 
 never more to dispute, never more to resist, never more to 
 complain, never more to doubt, fear, or faint : but teach me 
 entire submission to, and simple dependence upon, infmite wis- 
 dom, infinite power, and infinite mercy." 
 
 1806. — •' xMy pain and the restlessness of my days and nights, 
 is not to be described. 1 am driven by absolute necessity ' to 
 live by the day :' nor can I ever be sufficiently thankful for 
 this happy secret. To look forward to the morrow, would be 
 to look, like Peter, at the waves, and sink. But to live by 
 the day, enables me, in some degree, to walk upon the waters ; 
 or at least, to keep hold of the rope thrown out by a friend to 
 save me from sinking. How invaluable is that Friend, who 
 not only holds out the rope, but who enables me to lay hold 
 of it! while He, at the same time, keeps (if 1 may so speak,) 
 the upper end of it in his own Almighty hand. 
 
 " 1 hope that among other invaluable lessons I have gained 
 from my revered minister, I have in some measure learnt to 
 comfort myself, during fits of pain, by frequently enumerating 
 my mercies. And 1 always come to the conclusion, that the 
 half cannot be numbered: especially if I take a view of my 
 deserts." 
 
 We will close the year 1806, with a letter from Mrs. Hawkes 
 to Mrs. Jones, in which she further describes her feeliniis at 
 this period : 
 
 o 
 
 " How does my dear sister? and how does all her household ? 
 with whom my thoughts are often in the day. Time makes 
 all possible haste to speed us where, I trust, we shall enjoy 
 each other's society without a sigh or a tear. Strange, and al- 
 most past belief, that I should be near the close of 1806, when 
 in 1801, I had, as I thought, all things in readiness to set sail, 
 and but a very short voyage in prospect. 1 fear, that from 
 long continued expectation, I begin to be insensible, and to 
 lose sight that I still, as much as ever, stand on the banks of 
 Jordan ; and that sentence suspended, is not sentence revoked. 
 How insensible, and strangely stupid is human nature ! No- 
 thing less is sufficient to keep the mind awake than one shake 
 18 
 
206 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 after another; sol find it, even while, as it were, carrying 
 death about with me. But every body is not so stupid, so 
 cumbered by a vile body. 1 often, like Samson, attempt to 
 ' go out and shake myself as at other times ;' and get my books 
 and things around me, and say to myself, ' Now I can go on 
 again.' But soon alas ! the heavy clog vveighs down my 
 mind, — or restlessness distracts it, — and I find I can do no- 
 thing. However, 1 have to be thankful that if in one respect 
 my case resembles Samson's, it does not in the other ; for the 
 Lord is not departed ; though that He is not, is owing to His 
 own unspeakable mercy, and not to any thing He can see in 
 me ; for truly He can see only utter depravity, want of faith, 
 of love — with weakness of every sort. 1 am sometimes 
 ready to shrink when I consider, that if I see such evil and 
 death in myself, what must those eyes behold that search and 
 pierce the spirits through ! If the holy prophet cried out, 
 ' Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips,' what must such 
 a creature as I say ? Thanks be to God, He has put it into my 
 mouth, and into my heart, what to say ; and as far as He enables 
 me. His word I will plead, and His promises will I build upon : 
 and thus truth shall be maintained, and peace and joy in believ- 
 ing be secured. 1 have those words much in my mind, ' To 
 whom coming as unto a living stone.' If spiritual life were 
 lodged in our hands, our souls would be in a withering state: 
 but it is lodged in higher hands ; and it is our privilege, no 
 less than our duty, to be in the constant habit of applying for it. 
 * To whom coming,' — a continued act. Oh for faith to be 
 more alive to the exercise ! This alone makes life to be en- 
 dured, — especially such a life as mine ; and when faith grows 
 feeble, then it is truly a burden to live. 
 
 " I know not how I shall feel when death really approaches ; 
 but at present, I have much comfort in thinking I shall leave a 
 weary world before old age arrives : though, I confess, I do 
 shrink at the expectation of the dreadful pain that must, as far 
 as I can judge, attend my dismission. The threatening fore- 
 tastes I already have, make me tremble : yet I know the di- 
 vine arm is still able to support me through the most trying 
 hour ; and that if it please my Saviour to allow me faith to 
 lean, like John, upon his breast, no pain would tempt me to 
 ^ive up that sacred privilege, in exchange for ease. My con- 
 stant cry is, that I may be enabled to glorify God in extremity. 
 I have been sadly deficient in this high privilege through life, 
 and it will be a great mercy if I am enabled to do it in my 
 sickness and death. Farewell, " S. H." 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 207 
 
 The year 1807, supplies only two memorandums, both of 
 which are interesting, — as atlbrding a specimen of the interior 
 working of Mrs. Hawkes's mind, and her habit of strict self- 
 examination. The first occurs at the beginning, and the se- 
 cond, towards the close of the year. 
 
 Sunday, Jan. 4, 1807. — " In approaching the table of the 
 Lord to-day, I think I had, in some measure, an answer to my 
 prayers for recollection. I went with the idea that perhaps 
 this might be the last time I should ever be present at that sa- 
 cred ordinance; and my prayer was, that all my sins and fol- 
 lies might indeed be blotted out by that precious blood which 
 was shed for sinners, and which ' cleanseth from all sin ;' and 
 that my Saviour would undertake for me with respect to my 
 sufferings and death. I endeavoured to urge the plea of the 
 Psalmist, ' Thou hast been a shelter for me;' O be such to me 
 unto the end. It was in this favoured house, thou didst first 
 say unto me, < Live.' In this house, thou hast, through the 
 ministry of thy faithful servant, brought me up even till now. 
 Here have 1 been nourished, and cherished, as a child under a 
 tender nurse. Here, I have been fed with the choicest food, 
 and learnt my best lessons ; and here I have found my best 
 friends. Lord, let these past mercies be a pledge of future fa- 
 vours. While thus pleading, it was said to my heart, ' Daugh- 
 ter, remember.' Recollection presented to my mind a view so 
 vivid, and so extensive, that in vain shall I try to delineate it; 
 I can only sketch the mere outline. 1 was particularly struck 
 with this remark in the sermon I had just been hearing, (upon 
 Luke xvi. 25.) 'Among other considerations which makes a 
 death-bed awful, is this, — that it is generally a time of recol- 
 lection; it is then emphaticaly said, ' Son, remember.' This 
 awfully important consideration has led me to cry to my Savi- 
 our that this time of painful recollection may be before, and 
 not in, my last hours. That those sins and follies which I 
 have forgotten, or thought lightly of, — but which must yet be 
 set before me, for repentance, humiliation, and in order to mag- 
 nify divine mercy in so long bearing with me, — may, if it please 
 Him, be brought to my view before I have to struggle v/ith 
 weakness and pain, confused faculties and death." 
 
 In the summer of this year, Mrs. Hawkes was again attacked 
 by severe spasms. The state both of her body and mind at 
 this lime, is described in the following letter to Mrs. Jones : — 
 
 ^' In the sharpest attack of spasms I have had for the last 
 
208 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 two years, and which lasted six hours without intermission, 
 your letter was brought to rne. ' That is right,' I said, ' you 
 have brought me the best cordial, this earth can afford.' May 
 the Lord who knoweth what I need, continue my beloved sis- 
 ter to me as long as it shall please Him that my pilgrimage 
 should continue. 
 
 "The weather is so very seasonable for the harvest, that I 
 am afraid to say how it oppresses me, lest it should look like 
 complaint. Last night 1 was not able to remain in bed, but 
 being relieved from the spasms, I could not be thankful enough 
 that I had not those pains to endure as well as the heat. Ah. 
 at the worst of times there is abundant cause for praise ! I of- 
 ten thank the Lord, not that I am a sinner, but that since, alas 1 
 1 am so, he shews it to me; because the knowledge of my de- 
 serts gives me to feel every thing so mixed with mercy. I can 
 sit and enumerate, time without end, the sufferings 1 deserve, 
 and have not. This instances free and sovereign grace beyond 
 the calculation of angels. Yet I still love to mourn, and be 
 ashamed, over a thousand shoots of that root of bitterness, 
 hea?'t -'dihelsm ; for what but this makes me ever cast down 
 about the future? What but this, makes me a 'practical un- 
 believer, while calling myself a believer. What but this makes 
 me stand aghast at some of the dark ways of Providence? Oh 
 for faith to take the scriptures as a child does his horn-book, 
 and never once ask why A is placed before B. It is so — and 
 if we will perversely misplace the alphabet, we shall never get 
 on, except in ignorance and folly. Two or three most affect- 
 ing providences have lately occurred within my circle of friends, 
 to persons of real godliness, which are so overwhelming and 
 mysterious, that I say in my haste, — give me the Bible, and may 
 the Lord give me faith to fix on it, or my head will grow^ giddy 
 with amazement, confusion and dread. ' Shall not the judge 
 of all the earth do right?' Let a thousand, and ten thousand 
 tongues, with the deepest reverence reply, ' Righteous art thou, 
 O Lord.' This makes a jjractical believer. But I, sad to say, 
 am not oneof that blessed number;* either with respect to my- 
 self or others ; yet it is well to have the standard, since, as 
 Herbert says, 
 
 ' Who aimeth at the ski', 
 
 Shoots higher far than he that means a tree.* 
 
 " Ever yours, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 ^ Compare Mark iv, 40, with Like xvii. 6. — Ed. 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 209 
 
 From the same to the same. 
 
 " As I have great pleasure in writing to my beloved sister, 
 and as she kindly desires to hear often, I will write straight 
 forward that which is uppermost. When ruminating on ray 
 pillow this morning, many painful and anxious thoughts rushed 
 into my mind, like an overwhelming tide, till my tears began 
 to flow. When I raised myself up, I opened my Bible upon 
 the 95th Psalm ; which the moment it met my eyes, seemed 
 to call upon me with the voice of mercy and authority, not to 
 be grovelling among earthly cares, but to raise ray heart, and 
 join in the song, ' Come let us sing unto the Lord, let us make 
 a joyful noise unto the rock of our salvation.' And through 
 divine assistance, my soul mounted upwards on the wings'of 
 faith ; I forgot my anxieties, and my mouth was filled with 
 praise: — first, for being led to the rock that is higher than I, 
 and being enabled to feel it a rock of defence and of shade in 
 a weary land : — secondly, for the many and great mercies I 
 have experienced the last ten years of my life ; by which I am 
 encouraged to hope that it shall be well with me to the end: 
 because ' the Lord is a great God, and in his hand are the deep 
 places,' or the treasures hid in deep places ; ' the sea is His.' 
 &c. ; and therefore, though it may please him to humble me, 
 by giving me but a scanty portion, it shall be a sufficient por- 
 tion : and last as long as it will be wanted, and come from 
 whom He pleases. Wherefore, leaving the ordering and 
 managing of all events to him, the conclusion is ' to worship 
 Him in spirit and in truth,' and to keep close to him by prav- 
 er; blessing his holy name that He has made me 'the sheep 
 of his pasture ;' and, though [ am like the emblem, a poor, 
 silly, weak sheep, yet I do know his voice, and desire above 
 all things, to follow my good shepherd most fully, till He be 
 pleased to take me into his fold above. 
 
 " Thoughts like these have dried up my tears, and will, \ 
 trust, give me a lift through another heavy day; — for the hot 
 weather, together with ray many infirmities, truly make my 
 days so heavy I scarcely know how to get through them. 
 " Ever yours, afl^ecticnately, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 There remains only in this year, a reference made by Mrs. 
 Hawkes to a funeral sermon preached by Mr. Cecil, and which 
 may be seen in his works, vol. ill., page 80, of the first edition. 
 
 Nov. 22, 1807. — " Our revered minister preached this dav 
 
 18* 
 
110 3IEM01RS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 on the death of the Rev. Nathaniel Gilbert, formerly assistant 
 minister at St. John's Chapel. His text was taken from Psalm 
 xxxvii. 37. ' Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright; 
 for the end of that man is peace.' 
 
 " I am much struck by some sliort accounts of Mr. G.'s 
 truly peaceful end. For many years he had lived in the fear 
 of death. But the latter part of his life, and especially from 
 the beginning of his last illness, he lost every fear. When he 
 was very near his last moments, he was heard to say in low, 
 but animated accents, ' I am ready, Lord ! — Lord, I am ready !' 
 
 " Who but thereal Christian can say this? I would ask my- 
 self in the presence of an all seeing eye, — can I, after having 
 for many years the name to live, — after much desiring for 
 many years to depart, — after having for m.any years warning 
 to prepare for death, — can I say, ' Lord, I am ready] ' Make 
 diligent search, O my soul : do any sins of folly, pride, infir- 
 mity, self-indulgence, ingralitdue, &c., lie hidden, which thou 
 hast not brought out, and dost not continually bring out, and 
 spread before the Lord, in deep repentance and humiliation ? 
 Does any darling sin lie rolled up, for which thou art pleading, 
 ' Is it not a little one ? ' Art thou that perfect, sincere, and en- 
 tire character that was described this morning 1 Is there no 
 double-dealing, no subterfuge, no concealment, no face and 
 colour put upon thy actions? And if the answer of conscience 
 to all this is peace, dost thou renounce righteous-self as well 
 as sinful-self? and rest on Christ alone for the salvation? Is^ 
 He thy only hope, refuge, and plea, in life and in death ? If 
 so, fear not ; but pray, and believe, that the same grace which 
 was afforded the late dying saint, will, in the miCasure that is 
 seen fit, be also afforded thee. In the mean time, till this hap- 
 py hour arrive, watch and pray. This excellent faith must be 
 sought for, and fought for too ; none ever ' yawned it into be- 
 ing with a wish; nor when in being, kept it alive, without a 
 close walk with God." 
 
 The year 1808, opens with Mrs. Hawkes's remarks upon 
 that affecting event which closed Mr. Cecil's public ministry, 
 and which had been preceded by visible marks of his declining 
 health and strength. 
 
 March 2, 1808. — " This melancholy day confirms the fears 
 and sorrowful apprehensions which have, for months past, per- 
 vaded my mind. I, and many others, have marked, with an- 
 guish of heart not to be expressed, my honoured minister's 
 rapid approach to the sad crisis at which he is now arrived ; 
 
CHAP. V FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1 SI 1. 211 
 
 probably never again to reascend that eminence on which he 
 has so long stood ! Yesterday evening, he felt a paralytic af- 
 fection of his right-hand ; and after going to bed, the use of 
 his whole right-side was taken away, and his speech rendered 
 very inarticulate. 
 
 " I have long expected this solemn event, and have endea- 
 voured to prepare my mind to meet it. But on the sight of 
 my dear minister this day, 1 found how little my feelings could 
 be prepared to meet so afflictive a circumstance. Language 
 can never describe my sensations on seeing that grand temple, 
 which I had known in all its glory, so defaced, so injured ! 
 Oh, what is man in his very best estate ! Alas, for his widowed 
 church ! Alas, for his bereaved family ! Alas, for my own 
 irreparable loss ! ' My father, my father !' Weeping is nov/ 
 my meat and drink !" 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's feelings upon this mournful occasion, may 
 be so easily conceived, that it is not needful further to enlarge 
 upon them. At the time this dispensation took place, her 
 mind was well exercised in the graces of submission and resig- 
 nation. But still it might be needful that her views of " ceasing 
 from man," should be more deeply impressed. Such was in- 
 deed the effect produced. She was repeatedly reminded by 
 her own sufferings that "time was short," and that she was to 
 " weep as though she wept not." It will be seen by what fol- 
 lows, how soon after writing the above, she was herself again 
 brought to the confines of the eternal world. 
 
 July, 1808. — " Truly I may, in a certain sense, say, I have 
 been in ' deaths oft.' And yet death, though permitted to ad- 
 vance, is again ordered to recede. I have been taken down to 
 the edge of the grave, and endeavoured to contemplate an im- 
 mediate entrance. But neither is this sickness unto death. It 
 is to awaken my drowsy powers ; it is to arouse me from the 
 supinencss, and stupidity, I had insensibly fallen into. And I 
 heartily thank my gracious Saviour, for thus dealing with me. 
 I thank Him for this fresh visitation of pain and danger; and 
 that He has by his all-sufficient grace made my sufferings very 
 profitable. Whenever I again fall into the same state of insen- 
 sibility, may He again take that method that pleases Him best, 
 to rouse me from my lethargy. My heart, like an old picture, 
 had become dim and defaced, obscured, soiled, — and its traces 
 faded. It wanted to be re-touched by the master's hand ; and 
 I trust this is in some measure effected, though not in the de- 
 gree which I desire it should be." 
 
212 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 The increased debility which this severe attack of illness oc- 
 casioned, is feelingly described by Mrs. Hawkes, in a letter to 
 Mrs. Jones, to whom she writes : — 
 
 " What an infinite and stupendous mercy is a throne of 
 grace, when, by the Spirit's assistance, we can approach it in 
 simplicity and faith ! Without this, such an existence as mine 
 would be an insupportable burden. My life, like that of many 
 other poor sufferers, is entirely a hidden one. I appear, as 
 people tell me, comparatively well ; while all the time I am 
 sensible of such pain and weakness as drinks up my spirits, 
 and dries up the marrow and strength of my frame. This is 
 always the case, at the best of times ; and thankful I am, at 
 the close of each day, that one more day is past. When I 
 rise up in the morning, I say with a sigh, ' Now for another 
 heavy day, which will probably pass, like the last, in labour- 
 ing to do something, but end in doing nothing,' Such a linger- 
 ing death calls for faith and patience ; and I trust that though 
 I groan, I do not murmur; if 1 did, my mercilul supports and 
 mitigations would rise up against me, and fill me wdlh shame. 
 Whether my dispensation be for discipline, or for correction, 
 (and I believe it is for both) I have not a word of complaint 
 to utter; for He visits me less than my deserts, and multiplies 
 loving-kindness above my expectation. ' He is able to do ex- 
 ceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think : ' and 
 often surprises the soul with some gracious manifestation which 
 infuses into it fresh vigour. Blessed' be his name. He does 
 strengthen the inward man, while the outward decays daily, 
 though indeed so slowly, that none is sensible of it but myself. 
 There is comfort in seeing life spared when it can be used to 
 some purpose; but as to mine, I see no use that it is of: but 
 I check the thought ; for it is of use to myself^ to make me 
 more meet for heaven ; and since it is the Divine will, that is 
 enough, without any other reason whatever ; for the will of 
 God is the result of all his other Divine attributes, — wisdom, 
 power, and love. Grant, therefore, O Lord, that there never 
 may arise in my mind a wish that any thing should be altered ; 
 but only that I should be made conformable unto thy will in 
 every jot and tittle. 
 
 " It was well said by one, ' If God condescended to ask me 
 what I should choose, I would refer the matter back again to 
 Him to choose for me.' I long for self-annihilation, so that 
 not even a thought should arise, ' if I had but this, or if 1 had bi;t 
 that.' All I really want is more grace, more exercise of faith. 
 
CHAP, v.— FROM A. D. 1802, TO 1811. 213 
 
 Yet a very little while, and it shall be said, 'Come ye blessed, 
 inherit the kingdom I have prepared for you.' Till that happy 
 time arrive, I would live in the exercise of repentance, as upon 
 my daily bread ; for this flows from faith, and makes Christ 
 precious. Pray for me, that I may have more of this." 
 
 One more private extract shall close this year. 
 
 1808. — *' I have been shocked and grieved for some time 
 past at the ill-behaviour of a favourite servant. My thoughts, 
 this morning, were involuntarily enumerating the kind acts I 
 had done to her; and the ungrateful returns she had made, 
 were beginning to raise a ferment in my mind, lill an inward 
 hint was given me, — 'All this is only a faint picture of what 
 you are towards your heavenly Master; nay, what is far 
 worse, towards your heavenly Father. Take all her defects, 
 and ingratitude, and make the parallel, and learn how infinitely 
 are your sins greater than hers.' O Lord, I acknowledge the 
 charge ; I cease to be angry ; I lay my mouth in the dust. 
 
 " How would a habit of brinsjino; the faults of others, as a 
 glass in which to see my own, cure me of censuring, and of 
 high-mindedness. Instead of doing this, the reverse is too 
 often the case. The laults of others are dwelt upon; magni- 
 fied ; while my own, through self-love, are excused, palliated, 
 passed lightly over. May I henceforth learn a better lesson. 
 
 'And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and 
 seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, 1 repent, thou 
 shalt forgive him.' Luke xvii. 4. 
 
 " If a brother, i. e. any human being, is commanded to ex- 
 tend, beyond all limits, forgiveness to a brother, — what may I 
 not infer as to the extension of the Divine forgiveness. Why 
 then does every fresh failure, repeated oftcner, alas I than seven 
 limes in a day, produce a timid backwardness to go to my 
 Saviour, and say in deep humiliation, ' I repent;' and why do 
 I not simply believe that He will forgive me in a way no bro- 
 ther could forgive a brother? 
 
 Quere. — " Does my heart, in the sight of God, honestly 
 bear testimony, that after every sinful deviation and failure, I 
 do truly repent, and am heartily sorry for such misdoings ; or, 
 do I only experience a partial regret? 
 
 Secondly. — " Does every fresh application to Christ for par- 
 don, render sin more hateful, increase real contrition, self-ab- 
 horrence, and indignation? Does it excite a holy jealousy, and 
 produce a reverential fear of oflending ; or does the freeness 
 of pardon and grace, incline to carelessness or negligence? 
 
214 JIEiAIOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " If I loved a friend as my own soul, would I for all the 
 world grieve or offend him? and if 1 do offend, is there any 
 sorrow^ so poignant? and in proportion as my friend is ready to 
 forgive me, am 1 not unable to forgive myself ? — Have I such 
 feelinn-s as these with respect to my Saviour? If 1 dare an- 
 swer in the affirmative, then I need not fear to go seven times 
 in a day, and say, ' I repent ;' nor fear the freeness and ful- 
 ness of pardoning mercy, and strengthening, renewing, grace. 
 * Lord, increase my faith.' " 
 
 In the early part of the year 1809, Mrs. Havvkes was much 
 occupied in attending the dying-bed of Mr. Cecil's second son, 
 Israel, during the absence of his parents, who were at Bath. 
 In the month of March she writes to a friend, — 
 
 '« Poor Israel Cecil has been hovering between life and death 
 for six weeks ! the physicians declare they have never met with 
 such a case as this in all their practice ; such a lingering be- 
 tween life and death ! You will easily conceive that my task 
 to communicate every passing day's event to his distressed mo- 
 ther, must have been a painfull one. The going daily, to and 
 fro, in a coach to see him, has been as much as I could endure ; 
 yet his mother was anxious that I should be with him ; and 
 equally so is the kind friend at whose house he is, who seems 
 to feel me a sort of substitute for his poor mother. His dear 
 and honoured parents are expected in town to-morrow, and I 
 am under fresh anxiety of mind on hearing that Mr. C. is so 
 poorly and feeble, that he is scarcely able to undergo the jour- 
 ney ; and after the fatigue, to meet such a scene as their son's 
 present state will present, is truly to be dreaded ! So you see, 
 my dear friend, that woe is mixed in every cup : happy is it 
 that mercy also is mixed with it. And since usefulness so ex- 
 tensive, labours so abundant, and piety so exalted, must still 
 share in the lot of suffering common to the human race, — let 
 each of us take our share with patience and submission." 
 
 This labour of love was not long needed ; as the early suf- 
 ferer, who had just attained his twenty-first year, was shortly 
 after admitted to that city, where " the inhabitant shall not say, 
 I am sick." 
 
 The state of her afHicted minister now wholly occupied Mrs. 
 Hawkes's mind. It has been seen how she had learned to im- 
 prove her own sufferings for increasing the graces of submis- 
 sion and resignation. The present dispensation opened a field 
 for new and varied exercises. And here we mav observe the 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 215 
 
 importance of St. Paul's exhortation to ihe Ephesians, " I de- 
 sire that ye faint not at my tribulation for you, which is your 
 glory." See also 1 Thess. iii. 3. The continued illness of Mr. 
 Cecil, who was now totally laid aside by a paralytic aflection, 
 and labouring under that mental depression which so commonly 
 attends this disorder, weighed on her spirits more heavily than 
 she could w^ell sustain ; as will appear by her own notes on 
 this subject : — 
 
 1809. — " I had almost said, my trouble and sorrow is greater 
 than 1 can bear ! And so I may say, unless I am mercifully 
 upheld by an Almighty arm of grace and power. Great as 
 my own personal troubles have been, they seem nothing to 
 the agony my heart feels for my honoured minister and father 
 in the Gospel, under his present dark dispensation. As to his 
 bodily afHictions, many have been visited with the same ; but 
 oh, if his mind might have been spared — if the dark cloud 
 might but be dispersed? for this I will pray day and night. 
 Not that I am stumbled, though I am distressed. For ' shall 
 not the judge of all the earth do right ]' And has he not a right 
 to deal with his creatures as he pleaselh? His wisdom cannot 
 err; Ilis love and mercy cannot fail : silence and submission 
 belong to us, — and prayer and hope shall be our resource." 
 
 Mrs. Jones expresses herself on this subject in language very 
 similar to the above. In a letter to Mrs. Havvkes she says, — 
 
 " I must confess, this world never appeared to me such a 
 waste, howling wilderness, — such a vale of tears, — as since I 
 have entered into the sorrows of that man of God! What shall 
 we say to these things 1 but that they are too deep for us ; we 
 cannot know them ; we must be dumb because of our igno- 
 rance. Herbert says, — 
 
 ' God nothing does, nor suffers to be done, 
 
 But what thou wouldst thyself, couldst thou but see, 
 
 Through all events of things, as well as He.' 
 
 " But who can realize this in the days of darkness ? or in 
 other words, who can believe that God's dispensations are dis- 
 pensations of love to his children ! At least I have gained 
 this painful knowledge, that my faiih is small, — very small in- 
 deed." 
 
 The struggle in Mrs. Hawkcs's mind at this time, between 
 believing and fainting, may be gathered from a letter sent June, 
 1809, to Miss C. Cecil, in which she writes; — 
 
 " I am sometimes ready utterly to faint under this painful 
 
216 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 dispensation : and to fear that the weight of it upon my mind, 
 in my present very nervous and feeble state, will reduce me to 
 a condition nearly as bad. And this would certainly be the 
 case, did not a voice seem to say, ' hope against hope ;' wait ; 
 'Enter into thy chamber, and shut thy doors about thee; — 
 this is the time not for despair but humiliation, and for wrest- 
 hng, like Jacob in prayer. Yes, my love, there is a hand tliat 
 has hold upon your dear father, even an Almighty hand : nor 
 can sin, or Satan, or death, or hell, force him out of that hand ; 
 for it is said, 'None shall pluck ihem out of my hand.' This 
 Divine hand took hold of a ruined sinking world, just when 
 the hellish powers began to triumph over their too successful 
 plot for the destruction of our whole race: but their defeat was 
 glorious. Your- dear father cannot just now see this hand, any 
 more than we can see to sun through a dark cloud j but, as he 
 has himself often remarked, — 'How should we mistake, if we 
 said the sun were not there, because the cloud was before it.' 
 And even should the sun never appear, (as it never does to the 
 blind,) yet this makes no difference, — it shines still. 
 
 "This dreary vision cannot last long: keep constantly up- 
 permost in your mind that this depression is the effect of dis- 
 ease ; and should you see human weakness mixed with it, yet 
 only remember the years and years that are past, when he went 
 out and came in before you as an angel; — and when, year af- 
 ter year, he endured constant pain with a firmness and pa- 
 tience, that astonished all who saw him. But this very pain, 
 together with a variety of other things, has brought the poor 
 machine to what it is. And now the force is upon the mind : 
 but it will be well in the end, whatever may take place by the 
 way. 
 
 " But why do 1 write these things to you, since you know 
 them? However, there is one thing 1 would recommend to 
 yoUj and it is what I daily aimed at myself, namely, to improve 
 this dispensation for the good of your own soul. Ah, my dear, 
 this is a serious, a solemn work ; and must be persevered in. 
 Yet abundant help is promised ; you are not to set about these 
 things in your own strength; — if you were, you might indeed 
 say, * Who is sufficient for these things V ' Help is laid upon 
 one that is mighty ;' — But what was it laid there for I Even 
 for such poor sinners as you and I, whom a corrupt nature, 
 and a cruel adversary, would otherwise totally overcome. He 
 will not give any who cry to him for help, into the hands of 
 his and their insulting foes : for it is said, ' He ever livcth to 
 intercede for us.' 
 
CHAP. V. FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 217 
 
 " You cannot have a just conception how much I am with 
 you in spirit, nor how desirous I am to hear every particular 
 about the dear sufferer, upon whom my anxious thoughts are 
 unceasingly occupied." 
 
 To think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try 
 either ourselves or others, is the propensity of human weak- 
 ness and unbelief. How many assurances have we that 
 *' whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth ;" — that the trial of 
 faith is precious, as well as the grace itself, — and that, to trust 
 God in dark providences is to honour him. There is a blessing 
 pronounced on not seeing, and yet believing. Perhaps much 
 that appears mysterious in God's dealings with his creatures, 
 might be more easily comprehended by a clearer perception of 
 that truth, "All flesh is grass, and all the goodliness thereof is 
 as the flower of the field, the grass withereth,the flower fadeth;" 
 (Isa. xl. 6.) and this withering teaches us, with more entire 
 acquiescence, to seek repose in that divine *' dwelling-place," 
 which has been the refuge of the saints " in all generations." 
 The best estate of man upon earth is described by the Psalmist 
 " as a shadow that declinelh ;" but he adds, '• Thou, O Lord, 
 shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance to all genera- 
 tions," Ps. cii. 11, 12. Our tender Father frequently prepares 
 us for the loss of creature comforts, by some intervening cir- 
 cumstance, which shews us their weakness and their vanity ; 
 and thus He gradually weans us from earthly attachments, 
 and loosens our grasp of every object, short of himselfi Such 
 appears to have been Mrs. Hawkes's experience, under the 
 solemn event which took place in the year 1810 ; when, by a 
 fit of apoplexy, the disorder under which Mr. Cecil had been 
 languishing for two years, terminated in his death. 
 
 August 15, 1810. — " A day ever to be remembered ! when 
 the imprisoned spirit of my honoured minister, and father in 
 the gospel, was released from its painful and humilitating cap- 
 tivity, and winged its way to the land of liberty and rest ! In 
 past time, there was scarcely any event at which I could so 
 little bear to look, as his death. But such an inroad, and havoc, 
 had disease made on this extraordinary man, that I even longed 
 for his release before it took place; and when the tidings 
 reached me, a sad and solemn gladness overspread my mind; 
 I could only contemplate the amazing change from pain, weak- 
 ness, and depression, to glory unspeakable and never ending ! 
 
 '* A few more suifering days for myself, and then, 1 trust, 
 19 
 
218 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 his own words written to me in a letter will be verified : • to- 
 morrow morning, you and 1 shall walk in a garden where I 
 shall hope to speak to you about every thing but sadness.'^ 
 
 " He is gone ! and take his character in the whole combina- 
 tion of it, and in its circumference, he surely has not left his 
 like. He is gone ! unknown, but to those who lived with him 
 in the same house. I had that privilege for many years. I 
 have had the favour to attend him in his sick chamber, — in 
 his family retirements, — and in his most confidential habits ; 
 — in those unbended easy moments, when some, even great 
 ones, have appeared little, and common : — but when he ap- 
 peared most superior. 
 
 " It has been said, he was austere ; and before I knew him 
 intimately, I thought so too : but it was only because he was 
 not known. He was sometimes austere in like manner as 
 truth is austere, — for he was a lover of truth. If there was 
 any one virtue he prized more than another, it was integrity, 
 — a high and honourable principle; and he would mark the 
 smallest deviation from it, in a moment. Severity might some- 
 times sit on his brow — dart from his eye — and be perceived in 
 his decided manner of speech : but it never for a moment 
 lodged in his heart, — which was too nohle, too benevolent, too 
 affe!ctionate, to be the seat of any thing so unlovely as severity. 
 And whenever he bore the aspect, it arose from the prevailing 
 abstraction of his mind, which was always intensely pursuing 
 rigid subjects ; and from his most uncommon energy and de- 
 cision of character. But his friendly and benevolent sympa- 
 thies were awakened in the moment they were called for. His 
 heart, and his ear, were open to the cry of every sufl^erer, 
 whether high, or low. He was, like his Divine master, pecu- 
 liarly the friend of the friendless, — the comforter of the afflicted, 
 — the gentle instructor of the ignorant. The rich he never 
 sought ; the poor he never neglected or shunned. But words 
 would fail me; his worth can never be known. No matter ; 
 
 he had, and so should I have, higher views than the honour 
 
 which cometh from man, — even the honour which cometh 
 from God. INJay every one of his children, and myself, (who 
 was unto him as a daughter,) be careful to transplant his vir- 
 tues and graces into our hearts and lives. We shall go to him, 
 but he shall not return to us !" 
 
 In the following month of September, Mrs. Hawkes went to 
 
 See page 127. 
 
CHAP. V FROM A. D. 1802 TO 1811. 219 
 
 stay a fev/ weeks with Mrs. Cecil, at Bellevue-House, Hamp- 
 stead. It was in this spot, that Mr. Cecil was residing when 
 seized with that fit of apoplexy, by means of which, his mortal 
 garments were quickly changed for those of immortality. Dur- 
 ing her stay in this house of mourning, where many circum- 
 stances conspired to draw forth her tenderest feelings, she 
 wrote the following memorandum, of which the former part 
 is in obscure short hand: — 
 
 Belle-viie^Hampstrnd, Sept. 1810. — " My father, my father, 
 the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof ! " * * 
 a voice. * * he is gone ! But to me also a voice. 
 
 1 would follow him as my example, and devote every future 
 moment to the great work of preparation for a dying hour. 
 Death came here, and seized the captive in an instant : so may 
 I expect him to come to me. * Be ye also ready.' My valued 
 and honoured father had but one inquiry, — ' what is most 
 needful for a dying man V Every thing else was, by him, 
 deemed impertinent. If he was requested to lay aside his books, 
 and rest his poring eye, and relax his weary mind, his reply 
 was, ' Why talk of relaxation to a dying creature V If it were 
 not from stupidity, forgetfulncss, and infatuation, every human 
 being would feel the same. It is only because death and eterni- 
 ty are not realized, as near, (though for aught we know, death 
 is this moment coming over the threshold,) that we can turn 
 aside to amusement, or any trifling pursuit whatever ; for how 
 does it all appear to us, when entering the valley and shadow 
 of death ! ' Verily altogether vanity.' 
 
 " I am now ready to say, I shall never any more look to 
 any creature for consolation. Painful experience has taught 
 me the vanity of every earthly prop; and henceforth my ex- 
 pectation is only from my Saviour. To this my heart fully 
 consents in its best moments ; I am well assured that this is 
 the only way of peace, and comfort; and that many of my 
 sorrows have arisen from leaning on an arm of flesh. As far 
 as I know, I say sincerely, I no longer desire any human arm 
 to rest upon. And yet 1 often delect a depression of spirits, 
 when I reflect. Such and such a friend, who used kindly to 
 visit me, and seem interested for me, is withdrawn; and I am 
 left solitary, and desolate. How inconsistent is this ! How 
 deceitful is the heart! How far from being really, and indeed 
 weaned from every creature, even when we fancy it is so." 
 
 To be sorrowful is the birthriirht of man; but to be able to 
 
220 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 rejoice amidst suffering, is a privilege peculiar to the believer; 
 and the ground of this joy, is Christian hope; "Rejoicing in 
 hope," Rom. xii. 12. Though this is not the climate for fair 
 and promising hopes, but rather for blighting, chilling, and 
 withering fears ; — yet, that hope may not be supposed to have 
 taken its flight from this unfriendly region, there are certain 
 circumstances, under which it not only flourishes, but defies 
 the inroads of time, the decay of age, and all other attacks 
 which threaten its destruction. In deep affliction, and in the 
 near prospect of death, the Christian's hope, like the flower 
 which blooms at midnight, appears in all its beauty and vitality, 
 and casts its fragrance around the dying pillow. ^Vhen the 
 things of time are vanishing, and passing away like shadows, 
 and the ocean of eternity presents itself, this hope is realised as 
 siihstantial ; it is then especially found "an anchor of the 
 soul, both sure and steadfast," or, as Dr. Owen says, " the 
 substance of it is firm, the proportion of it is suited to the bur- 
 den of the ship ; it is no fair, promising, and yet deceitful 
 engine. It is also, as to its use, stedfast and firm ; which no 
 violence of winds, or storms, can either break, or move from 
 its hold. Such is genuine hope to the soul ; it is sure, not a 
 deceiving imagination; it ' maketh not ashamed' by any 
 failure or disappointment. Groundless presumptions are the 
 deceitful engines whereby the souls of multitudes are ruined 
 every day; of no more use than if the mariners should cast 
 out a log, or a burden of straw, to stay their vessel in a storm. 
 But hope built on faith, is infallible: it is firm, invincible 
 against all opposition; not indeed from itself, but from the 
 ground which it fixeth upon — Christ in the promise." 
 
 This Christian hope sustained the mind of Mrs. Hawkes 
 under every storm. " It entered within the veil," or through 
 the heavens, and fixed on the person of Christ, as the cove- 
 nant-head of all blessings for lime and eternity. With the 
 eye of faith, looking at things not seen, she beheld her de- 
 parted minister amidst " the general assembly and church of 
 the first-born." She felt that, to her, one more earthly tie 
 was loosened, and that now she had only to plume the wings 
 of her soul, and prepare to soar away, and take her part in 
 the general song of praise. 
 
 Writing, about this time, to a very dear friend, and sister in 
 affliction, J\Irs. C tt, she says : — 
 
 "Often, when in pensive mood, and the sun is, for a time, 
 hidden behind some interveninii cloud which unbelief has 
 
CHAP. VI.— FROM A. D. 1811 tO 1812. 221 
 
 raised, and I am just going to hang my harp on the willows, 
 I with shame take it back again, and begin some song of 
 praise; and that sets all to rights. The Scriptures, and 
 especially the Psalms, not only abound with praises to our 
 God, but assure us also, that he is pleased with our praises ; 
 I think, scarcely any Christian seems to cultivate this temper 
 of mind, this holy habit, sufficiently ; for it should not be an 
 accidental, but an habitual frame of heart : not merely flowing 
 from the sense of his mercies to ourselves, but from the con- 
 templation of the glorious perfections and attributes of the 
 Triune Jehovah, as he is in himself, and in relation to us, as 
 poor fallen creatures. What a theme does this open ! Eternity 
 alone can make us know and estimate it ! Oh, for faith to 
 look,— not at the things that are seen, which are temporal, 
 tempestuous, contradictory, confused, and often heart-sicken- 
 ing, — but at those that arc not seen, which are eternal, un- 
 changing, certain, peaceful, and heart-cheering ! Not such a 
 faith as generalizes, but realizes ; and which makes the things 
 of sense retreat, and actually give place to the things of faith, 
 with as much certainty, as if they were present and in pos- 
 session. This, my honoured friend, is our high privilege, and, 
 I trust, our constant desire and aim, however we may fail in 
 the attainment. And as to our failings, we will mourn over 
 them, and fight against them; but give no place to despon- 
 dency, even for a moment, while Christ our Saviour ever 
 liveih to intercede for us, at the right hand of the Majesty on 
 high." 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 HER TEMPORARY ABODE AT BETCHWORTH. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1811 TO 1812. 
 
 Accepts Dr. Fearon's offer of a vacant parsonage house— Her gratitu.le 
 
 on the occasion — Her sense of solitude — Letters to Mrs. C tt — 
 
 She meets with an accident— Is obliged to return to London. 
 
 Nine years had now elapsed, since Mrs. Llawkcs went to re- 
 side with her niece, in Constitution Row. Her next remove 
 was occasioned, not by any remarkable change in health or 
 19^ 
 
222 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 circumstances, but she was attracted by a very friendly and 
 promising offer, of a vacant parsonage-house, at Bctch worth, 
 near Dorking, in Surrey ; belonging to her much valued friend, 
 the Rev. Dr. Fearon. As this opening occurred early in the 
 summer, when the country, especially in that part, is most in- 
 vitino-; and as her health and nerves much needed the benefit 
 arising from change of air, she thankfully acceded to the pro- 
 posal, which seemed like a providential leading. It did not 
 however, in the result, appear to be a spot in which Mrs, 
 Hawkes was appointed to make any long stay; her health 
 compelling her within a few months to return to London. 
 A memorandum, written soon after her removal to Betch- 
 worth, exhibits that generous sensibility, with which she ever 
 met the kindness of friends : — 
 
 Betchicorth, 1811. — "Let me never cease to be grateful 
 for, and deeply penetrated with, the great goodness of the 
 Lord, in bestowing on me, most unworthy, the favour and 
 friendship of his honoured and faithful minister. Dr. Fearon. 
 He has indeed put himself in the place of my dear departed 
 father in the gospel, Mr. Cecil; whose care for me I never 
 expected to be again felt and exercised by any other. Yet 
 here I am, dwelling in a house lent me by the generous, 
 kind, Doctor; both he and his wife are daily shewing me 
 kindness, and laying me under very weighty obligations. — 
 May the Lord be pleased to reward them a hundred-fold : and 
 may he give his blessing to our intercourse, and make my so- 
 journing here salutary to my body and soul ! In my revered 
 friend, I have both an able physician, and a faithful and ex- 
 perienced minister. 
 
 " I would above all things desire, that my heart should be 
 affected towards my Saviour, as it is towards a friend dearly 
 beloved, i. e. ever to be anxious for His sacred presence with 
 me. 
 
 " If I love a friend, I am not satisfied with an interview now 
 and then, or an occasional short conversation. But in propor- 
 tion as his company and converse delights me, I long for 
 it, I seek it, I am not contented without it; I am in haste 
 to dispatch any business that detains me, and feel the time irk- 
 some which deprives me of intercourse. If he depart, I feel 
 desolate, listen for his return, and meet him with high expec- 
 tation of advantage and instruction ; for the glow of friend- 
 ship animates and elevates. 
 
 " Ah ! faithless, ungrateful heart! dost thou feel this towards 
 
ClIAr. VI. FROM A. D. 1811 TO 1812. 223 
 
 thy Saviour, to whom all other friends arc as tlie glowworm to 
 the sun? Thou art, perhaps, not happy unless, in time of 
 prayers, thou an permitted some freedom of approach to him: 
 but when that is over, and thou art constrained to turn to tem- 
 poral pursuits, dost thou anxiously catch every interval, to 
 obtain a glimpse? Dost thou seize every leisure moment to 
 retire into thy heart, and exchange a word or look ? Dost 
 thou count every moment of separation irksome? Ah! faith- 
 less and ungrateful heart! thou art dumb with shame." 
 
 Fond as Mrs. Ilawkes naturally was of retirement, it was 
 now less suited to her than formerly ; since, from her bodily 
 sutferings, she was less capable of improving it. She soon 
 experienced a sensible depression of spirits on being removed 
 from her circle of friends, especially during the occasional ab- 
 sence of her valued neighbours, Dr. and Mrs. Fearon. To 
 this sense of solitude, as well as to the means of improving it, 
 
 slie slightly refers in a letter to her friend, Mrs. C tt, dated 
 
 Belch worth, Aug. 1811, from which the following is an ex- 
 tract : — 
 
 " To apply simply to Christ, upon every occasion, is the 
 only way of obtaining peace. This also is the secret by which 
 we maintain converse with God, in or out of solitude. Trials, 
 dear Madam, of one kind or other, are the portion of God's 
 children ; they cannot do without them. 1 have for many 
 years, as you know, had wave upon wave of sorrow ; but I 
 must declare, I cannot call any thing a real affliction but 
 that which separates the soul from communion and fellow- 
 ship with God. Let but the light of his countenance shine 
 upon us, and all things, how difficult soever, become com- 
 paratively light and easy. He will be found of those who 
 cultivate an interior acquaintance with him. He is full of 
 compassion and love ; and as often as we apply to him by 
 faith and unfeigned repentance, heals tlie wounds to whicli 
 we are exposed by the sins, follies, and negligence of our car- 
 nal nature. His constant voice is, ' 1 am the Lord that hcal- 
 eth thee,' I could fill a volume, if I were to recount the in- 
 stances I have had of the great love, power and willingness 
 of our good physician; and through his great mercy, 1 find 
 He is ' the same yesterday, to-day, and forever.' 
 
 "As I have the opportunity of obtaining a frank, 1 vcntun; 
 to indulge myself with writing a long letter, which I trust you 
 will pardon. Indeed, when I am favoured by intercourse 
 with a kindred mind, tuned to the liarmonious theme of Di- 
 
224 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 vine grace and love, I know not how to drop the subject; and 
 if it gives such delight to the heart Aere, what, my dear Ma- 
 dam, will be our joy in heaven, M^here we shall, after a short 
 moment, have, I trust an abundant entrance ! Let me bear 
 up cheerfully through whatever we may have to pass ; and 
 thus, to the glory of his good name, give proof that we consid- 
 er ourselves as pilgrims and strangers, whose home and hap- 
 piness is in a better country. 
 
 " My health is rather improved of late, chiefly from change 
 of air. A very kind friend has lent me a small house in the 
 country, about twenty miles from London, to which, with 
 some difliculty, and many fears, I removed about two months 
 since. I am quite alone, with only a servant, in a very soli- 
 tary spot, and have only two friends near me, v. hose company 
 1 cannot often have ; I should therefore, be very lonesome, were 
 it not for the secret contained in the little book 1 sent you. Sol- 
 itude, as well as society, has its peculiar temptations, many of 
 which I could enumerate. But the path of duty is the path of 
 safety; and whatever the Divine will appoints, \se shall find 
 best for us on the whole. 
 
 " I had not heard that Mrs. B. was going on a new enter- 
 prise. May it tend to her comfort ! How rejoiced should I 
 be to hear that her fine understanding had submitted itself to 
 receive the kindgdom of heaven as a little child 1 How 
 grievous to think, that unless this is the case, her bright talents 
 will be like the sparks that glitter for a moment, but in the 
 end go out in darkness ! Ah, dear madam, one spark of 
 grace is of more value than can be estimated." 
 
 In another letter to the same friend, written while at Betch- 
 worth, she speaks of those trials which believers often expe- 
 rience in advanced life ; and by means of which, God is 
 pleased to renew the experience of former years. Matthew 
 Henry remarks that, " Sometimes the saints' last encounter 
 is with 'the sons of Anak,' and the parting blow is the sorest." 
 See also the opinion of Bishop Beveridge, page 1S5. While, 
 however, taking this view, it may be encouraging to bear in 
 mind, that the best mercies are also reserved till the last, 
 and that these are introductive of still better. Mrs. Hawkes 
 writes : 
 
 **IfI could converse with you, my dear madam, as unre- 
 strainedly with my pen, as I could in speaking, I should find 
 no solitary evening in this very solitary place. I am thank- 
 
CHAP. VI. — FROM A. D. 1811, TO 1312. 225 
 
 ful, however, for the privilege of holding intercourse, in any 
 way, with a mind so much in unison with my own ; and I 
 pray that a divine blessing may rest on our desire and en- 
 deavour to strengthen and animate each other in the heavenly 
 race. While encompassed with the infirmities of the body, 
 bowed down under the corruptions of an evil heart, and beset 
 with the temptations and devices of an ever-vigilant enemy, 
 we shall, till we arrive at the very gate of heaven, and until 
 safely admitted therein, find many things to make us groan 
 for deliverance, I imagine it is a very common idea with 
 young Christians, that there will arrive a period in the Chris- 
 tian journey when, like Pilgrim, they shall find a pleasant 
 arbour of rest, to sit down in ; and when they shall have so 
 far overcome sin and Satan, as to be allowed a little respite 
 from the heat of the battle. But as far as my own experience 
 goes, and from all I can observe, and learn from old Chris- 
 tians, this seems not to be the case. With very few excep- 
 tions, trials, and exercises of faith, rather increase than dimin- 
 ish in advanced age. This may appear a discouraging view 
 till we look at it with the eye of faith; and then, we may see 
 many reasons why it should be so. Firsts God is most glori- 
 fied when his children cheerfully sustain tribulation. His 
 power, truth, and love can only be truly manifested by the 
 powerful supports he gives under trouble, when the fruits of 
 the sanctifying influences of his Holy Spirit, are thus made to 
 be read and known of all men. It is also by trial after trial, 
 that we are brought to the discovery of our deep depravity, 
 and utter helplessness, and are made feelingly to cry out with 
 Job, 'Behold I am vile,' and with the holy prophet, ' Woe is 
 me, for I am a man of unclean lips.' By trouble, the Holy 
 Spirit trains us in the school of faith ; teaching us that which 
 is a hard lesson to proud human nature, — that all our wisdom, 
 strength, and righteousness, is treasured up in Christ; from 
 whom we must receive power, to think even one thought that 
 is good ; and to whom we must go, for the continual supply 
 of every want, and the relief of every sorrow and burden. 
 Our blessed Lord left us a legacy, ' My peace I give unto you :' 
 to which is annexed that which is ready to make us shrink, 
 for he adds, ' In the world ye shall have tribulation.' I have 
 ofien compared myself to a pursued bird, that lights first on 
 one branch of a tree, and then on anolher. Something still 
 disturbs, afFrighls, or molests it; and aficr many fruitless at- 
 tempts to setlK.', or to rest, the poor thing at length flies quite 
 away, and we see it no more. In our Ciiristian journey, there 
 
226 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAM KES. 
 
 are many spots where we make an attempt to rest. Some- 
 times it is on some favoured manifestation of the Divine love 
 and presence; at which seasons we are ready to say, 'my 
 mountain stands so strong I shall never be moved;' my 
 enemies are slain, and will annoy me no more; my feet are 
 delivered from the snare of the fowler, and I shall never more 
 be thus entangled. Sometimes we are peculiarly blessed with 
 the ordinances, both public and private ; and sometimes the 
 heart is cheered by the cordial of Christian friendship. Many 
 other spots might be enumerated, on which we alight, and 
 begin to plume our wings : but we are soon made to feel our 
 mistake; and in every disappointment, we are reminded of 
 our Lord's words, ♦ In me ye shall have peace.' Not in any 
 rich experiences, or favoured moments ; not in any ordinances, 
 or creature helps, further than as they lead you, (as if our 
 Lord had said,) simply to ?we, the only centre of peace and 
 rest. Now when we are driven, like the poor bird, off every 
 branch and sprig of nature's tree, and fly from ' good self 
 and bad self,' to Christ for shelter and for rest, then have we 
 reason for great thankfulness, let the cost of such teaching be 
 ever so great. 
 
 " 1 would therefore, my dear madam, encourage you and 
 myself, under all these heart-sinkings to which we are liable, 
 from whatever cause they may arise; — whether from a sense 
 of deadness and dulness in the ways of God; whether from 
 the stirrings of heart-corruptions ; whether from the assaults 
 of the enemy ; or from weariness and fainting, by reason of 
 the length of the way ; whether from difficult, dark, and per- 
 plexing providences, or from the absence of those advantages 
 and comforts, with which other Christians are favoured, — or 
 if, like Job, we are constrained to say ' He hideth himself on 
 the right hand that I cannot see him ;' or with Jonah, ' I am 
 cast out of his sight;' — yet, in the strength of the Lord, let us 
 make Jonah's resolution, ' I will look again towards thy holy 
 temple." 
 
 In the month of January, 1812, Mrs. Hawkes met with a 
 
 slight accident, occasioned by a fall; which however, was fol- 
 lowed by consequences so serious to her health, that she was 
 obliged early in the spring to return to town. Through the 
 winter she had suffered much from the effects of damp, whicli 
 had occasioned a serious, and long continued inflamalion of 
 her eyes, as well as severe rheumatic pain in her face. These 
 circumstances made it appear expedient that she should seek a 
 
CHAP. VII — FKOM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 227 
 
 residence in the dry and airy parts of London. The kind in- 
 tentions of sincere friendship seemed thus defeated : But, in the 
 end, it was shewn to have been overruled for good. Had Mrs. 
 Hawkes remained at. Betch worth, the company of those dear 
 friends, who were her only society in that place, would not 
 have been long afforded her, — as a new sphere of usefulness 
 was shortly opened to her valued friend and minister, Dr. 
 Fearon, by his removal to Oare, near liuslings. 
 
 CHAPTER Vll. 
 
 FROM HER SETTLEMENT AT PENTON PLACE TO HER 
 REMOVAL TO QUEEN'S ROW. 
 
 FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 
 
 Kind welcome of Mrs. Collyer — Mrs. Hawkcs's reflections after severe 
 
 illness — Her endeavours to become useful — Letters to Mrs. C tt on 
 
 the new year — Attacked by fever — Values prolonged life, and why 
 
 Her general correspondence and Christian intercourse — She refers to 
 the change in political affairs, Easter Sunday, 18t4 — Her sentiments 
 on indwelling sin, expressed in several letters — Fear of being again 
 obliged to remove — Suffers from continual inflammation in her eyes — 
 Letter on giving loose to a roving imagination — On faith and depend- 
 ence — Conversion of Mr. Vaughan — Letter to a friend at Honduras — 
 Reflections on opening the year 1817 — Suffering from Nervous and 
 bilious fever — She goes to Clapham — Letters to various friends. 
 
 On arriving in London, Mrs. Hawkes was welcomed to the 
 house of her afTectionatc niece, Mrs. Collyer, where she re- 
 mained till comfortable apartments, in a more airy situation, 
 could be provided for her. Besides her usual sufTerings from 
 her complaiat, she was, at this time, nearly deprived of sight, 
 from constant inflammation in her eyes ; and was also confined 
 to a couch with a painful and serious wound, which had arisen 
 in the first instance, from merely breaking the skin of her leg, 
 in a fall. The great debility into which she had fallen, ren- 
 dered all these evils dilTicult to bear ; and her slate became crit- 
 ical. After some weeks, however it pleased God to bless the 
 means used for her relief, and she was able to remove to Pen- 
 
228 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ton Place. Soon after her entering upon this new residence, 
 she wrote the following memorial of her feelings : — 
 
 Pentoii Place, 1812. — <' Restored apparently from the very 
 grasp of death, I seem to be put once more into a peacefnl ha- 
 ven. But pain, sickness, and extreme feebleness are my allot- 
 ted companions. However unlovely, and irksome, such com- 
 panions must be, yet so far as they shall prove salutary to my 
 soul, I welcome them. I need correction. I need purification ; 
 and the rod of affliction has not yet done its appointed work. I 
 pray that I may not shrink from it. Why should I ? seeing it is 
 my Saviour's hand, who does not chastise as earthly parents too 
 often do, passionately, excessively, and unwisely : He corrects 
 tenderly ; ' In measure when it shooteth forth, he debateth with 
 it.' I rejoice that the chastening rod is in his hand, and not in 
 the hand of man. 1 pray Him to support me under it ; 1 trust 1 
 do really and cheerfully submit myself to it. He once gave his 
 back to the smiters for our sins. How much more should I sub- 
 mit to be smitten by him for my oidu sins. Why should I, who 
 deserve to be destroyed, complain when only chastised? I will 
 hope, and pray, and believe, that when the rod has done its 
 \vork, it will be laid aside." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes still continued her endeavours to be useful, 
 under all impediments. Though writing became extremely 
 difficult, from the weak state of her eyes, yet she was ever 
 making efforts to meet the wishes of her correspondents, espe- 
 cially in the case of young persons, who desired to receive from 
 her, either instruction or advice. She thus addressed a young 
 friend, who was for a time, removed from opportunies of hear- 
 ing the Gospel ; — 
 
 "Much have I wished to write to yon, my dearest, under 
 your new dispensation ; particularly on account of your pre- 
 sent privations on the Sunday, because I can feel for you, and 
 well understand you. But whatever may be lacking to you in 
 the public ordinances, I trust you are able to gain much by 
 private exercises. I do not mean that you should shut your- 
 self up always in your chamber, for we may spend mrmy hours 
 shut up, and yet do very little to purpose. A short space, spent 
 in laying open the heart before God, and in stretching forth 
 the empty vessel to receive out of his fulness, — to abase our- 
 selves at his sacred footstool, and to cast ourselves on Christ, 
 by simple and true faith,-— will do more for us, than the longest 
 
CHAP. VII.— FROM A. D. 1612 TO 1817. 229 
 
 and strongest elTorts of our own. I trust you find an increas- 
 incr humiliation of mind, and an increasing victory over every 
 opposing evil principle, together with increasing simplicity of 
 aim and dependence. But remember, that the graces of the 
 Spirit, so very beautifully enumerated by St. Paul, will only 
 <M*ow in a soil where there has been much ploughing and har- 
 rowing, and weeding out the roots of bitterness, which are the 
 natural and spontaneous productions of the soil : and the plough, 
 the harrow, and the hoe, are instruments we do not love; and 
 they bring out many an ugly reptile, which lay beneath the 
 surfjice, quite undiscovered before. 
 
 " 1 am grieved to hear so poor an account of your health. 
 But spiritu7\l strength is more important than cither bodily or 
 mental. Bend all your most serious energies to get firmly built 
 on that Rock from which no sickness, or loss, or even tempta- 
 tions shall remove you. It is of great importance to get a firm 
 fooling before storms and dangers assail you : for they will 
 come to you as well as to others ; indeed, young as you are, 
 you have not been without them. But they do not accomplish 
 their design until they destroy the deep, and hidden, and en- 
 twining root of self. Now mark well, if you find in your daily 
 experience, that this root is weakening and withering. It is 
 a gradual work, v./hich will never be perfected till death. But 
 still we should be able to perceive that the crucifixion of self 
 is (Toins; on, and that the opposite most desirable grace, that of 
 humble dependence and universal submission to Christ, is in- 
 creasing. You may observe by marks in themselves very 
 small, how farse//"is giving way; and in proportion as it does 
 give way, your real peace and comfort will increase. This I 
 know, though, alas I afier all the discipline 1 have had, I still 
 know comparatively very little of true self-renunciation. I trust 
 when you have fought as many battles as 1 have, you will be 
 a far more victorious soldier. 
 
 " I have written this under much pain and languor, besides 
 considerable inflammation in my eyes. 1 seem to lose strength 
 rather than gain it. However, though my body and intellect 
 decay fast, 1 have great cause to be thankful that there is a 
 principle capable of being invigorated when every thing else 
 moulders away. But he that numbers our days, knows the 
 best time of release, both for you and for me. Our business 
 is to be ready to embark whenever the signal is given, and to 
 be often taking an animating view of liie dclighlfid country 
 where we hope to land." 
 
 20 
 
230 3IEM0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 In the following letter to Mrs. C tt, Mrs. Hawkes thus 
 
 expresses her sentiments and feelings on entering the year 
 1813:— 
 
 " In entering on the new year, my mind has been much oc- 
 cupied in reviewing my past wearisome journey ihrough life, 
 and especially for the last thirty years ; and in noticing the 
 difficulties, sorrows, and temptations, which, since the com- 
 mencement of my spiritual pilgrimage, have beset my path, and 
 been the occasion, in combination with sin in my own heart, 
 of innumerable deviations and mistakes, which I mourn to look 
 back upon. During these revolvings, my mind is much pene- 
 trated with the amazing subtility and ceaseless vigilance of 
 Satan, in so exactly varying his temptations to the different 
 stages, circumstances, and situations of life. He knows how, 
 in the vigour and zeal of early years, to elate the mind, and 
 fill it with vanity and self-conceit : and, after some successful 
 progress in the spiritual journey, he knows how to offer spe- 
 cious reasons why there may be an abatement of toil, and la- 
 bour, and effort ; suggesting, that we may now rest awhile. 
 When we begin to descend the hill, and feel the benumbing 
 effects of increasing age, or are heavy-laden with bodily infir- 
 mities, or outward and inward troubles, then, (if I may speak 
 from my own experience,) we are beset on every side; and no- 
 thing but victorious faith can keep our heads from sinking be- 
 neath the deep waters. I find it often difficult to distinguish 
 between what is really temptation and sin, and what is merely 
 the effect of infirmity, the disabilities of a diseased body, and 
 the weight of oppressing trials. But we need not be nice to 
 distinguish, for whatever it be that troubles us, or is an impedi- 
 ment in our way, whether bodily or mental, our highest wis- 
 dom is not to stand and dispute with it, but to go immediately 
 to Jesus, and with simplicity, hope, and dependence, to say, 
 'Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me;' thou hast bidden 
 me to bring my burdens to thee, and here I bring them ; O 
 take them, and give me rest according lo thy word ! There 
 is much danger in poring too intensely over either ourselves or 
 our troubles. Under any bodily disease, if we were more 
 anxious to examine it, watch its progress, and mark its differ- 
 ent and varying symptoms, than to go to the physician, and 
 diligently follow his directions, and rest on his judgment of the 
 case, our recovery would be greatly retarded. Thus it is in 
 spiritual things : we should indeed be humbled and ashamed 
 for our manifold sins and defects; but after all, it is by simply 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 231 
 
 looking to Christ, that we shall be healed. It is by faith our 
 adversary must be resisted, and not by humiliation alone. I 
 speak ihe more freely on this, because I suffer much from de- 
 pression and languor, both of body and mind ; and am some- 
 times ready to say, Surely every fruit of the Spirit is withered, 
 and nothing is left in my cold heart, but barrenness and death. 
 And if Satan could make me believe this to be true, he would 
 be fully as content as if he could lead me to plunge into open 
 sin ; for despair is the last extinguisher of faith ; but, through 
 mercy, He in whom are our fresh springs, grants us, at times, 
 fresh supplies of life, and renewed manifestations of his free 
 grace and favour ; and then we can say, ' Rejoice not against 
 me, O mine enemy, when I fall I shall arise ; ' though cast 
 down, my Saviour' will not suffer me to be destroyed. It is 
 indeed, as you say, very hard to keep from looking too much 
 on the dark side of things, when scarcely any thing else pre- 
 sents itself,— for really ivithin us, and without us, a bright 
 spot is scarcely to be discovered; but there is, above us, a 
 bright prospect, a Sun of Righteousness always shining, which 
 we%hould do well to contemplate ; and when disease, or temp- 
 tation, or corruption, form so thick an atmosphere as to inter- 
 cept the brighter beams, yet let our faith, as a mighty princi- 
 ple, teach us to say, — as we do when the sun in our lower sky 
 is obscured by damps and fogs,— The clouds prevent the 
 shining of the sun to-day, but it is still behind the cloud, and 
 will break forth again, by and bye, as bright as ever. May 
 we both begin, and go through the year, (if life is continued,) 
 looking to Jesus, the^author and finisher of our faith ; for by 
 thus looking we are strengthened. 
 
 " Do not fail to pray for your fellow-traveller, 
 
 "" And affectionate friend, 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 In the spring of the year 1813, Mrs. Hawkes had a serious 
 attack of fever. In a 'letter to a young friend, she describes 
 her painful bodily sufferings at this time, and the support and 
 comfort graciously afforded her under them. After explaining 
 the cause of her long silence, she goes on to say : — 
 
 " If I were not assured that you are fully aware of my 
 feeble state, I should fear you would think me unkind, — but 
 unkind in reality I can never be to one 1 so dearly love. The 
 truth is, I have not passed a single day without such a share of 
 illness and suffering, that I have literally done little else than 
 mourn and crroanTand if I have now and then been granted 
 
232 ^lEMOIKS OF 3ir.S. HAV.KES. 
 
 half an hour's mitigation of pain, I have been glad to embrace 
 it tor imploring grace and help to go on and endure, without 
 fainting, or complaining. I have had an intermitting fever, 
 with sickness, faintings, and various other death-like symp- 
 toms; — among which, one, not the least depressing, is the ex- 
 quisite soreness of my mouth and throat. It has been torture 
 to me not only to attempt to eat, but also to speak, from which 
 I have been obliged to excuse myself, if any one called upon 
 me. To-day there has been some mitigation of these symp- 
 toms, and the fever is not quite so strong, though by no means 
 removed. My head also is much affected ; in short, I wonder 
 how it is I get on ; for I say in the morning. When will it be 
 night? and at night, When will it be morning 7 Yet through 
 all, — so great is the mercy of the Lord to his afflicted ones, — 
 my mind is kept not onl}^ in peace, but I have been favoured 
 with more life in my soul than when my painful feelings were 
 not so acute. The near approach of death, (at least as it 
 seems,) is accompanied with more clear and comfortable views 
 of the glory that shall follow; and I am therefore encouraged 
 to wait, endure, and hope unto the end. If we may but receive 
 more of the divine image, and be able, in any degree, 
 to glorify that Holy and gracious name by which we are 
 called, it is worth all that we can suffer, — for ' the time is 
 short.' The flesh naturally cries out, Spare, spare! and the 
 Lord has pity on such a cry ; but He will still perform his own 
 work ; for as one says, ' He loves us too well to spare us for 
 our crying, if it be to our loss;' and it is our mercy that he 
 does so. Discipline is wholesome; and He will correct in 
 mercy. You, my dear, are an early sufferer, and I sympa- 
 thize with you ; but if sanctifying grace, and the teaching of 
 the Spirit be afforded you, as I pray and trust they will be, 
 you will perceive, as you go on, that you are so enriched 
 thereby, as to be induced to say, ' I vv'ould not have lost one 
 pain or sorrow.' But our danger lies in having the pain, with- 
 out the profit; — in going through our trials and afflictions as 
 a sort of allotted calamity, common to all ; instead of deeply 
 considering them as a medicinal process, appointed for a cer- 
 tain purpose. We do not sufficiently watch symptoms, either 
 of our disease, or our remedy ; we do not, as we ought, deliver 
 up ourselves, and fall heartily into the designs of our great 
 Physician ; therefore we lose much. I wish to encourage you, 
 and myself, to expect great things from the school we are 
 likely to remain in as long as we inhabit our clay tabernacles; 
 and when we are 'clothed upon with our house eternal in the 
 
CHAr. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 233 
 
 heavens,' we shall sing a louder song of praise. Yet I know, 
 and feel, that the heart sinks under suffering; and nothing but 
 constant and new supplies of Divine grace, can enable us to 
 hold up our heads ; for these we nnust constantly pray, — and 
 a supply of these we nnay assuredly expect. 
 
 " I am grieved to hear so poor an account of yourself. I 
 had hoped the fine air would have done more for you. But 
 where is the spot, however delightful, or the air however pure, 
 where the east wind does not sometimes blow, and cause a 
 blight. Yet there is now and then a gleam of sunshine, and 
 it is our wisdom to make the most of it. By and by, we shall 
 have nothing else, when we get, as Rutherford says, ' on the 
 sunny side of the brae.' " 
 
 The following letter, to the same young friend, may be m- 
 teresting, as showing the view which Mrs. Hawkes took, in 
 the advanced stages of her Christian experience, of the danger 
 and inexpediency of indulging in melancholic impressions. 
 
 " I thank my"^ dearest for her letter, though I was sor- 
 
 ry to find it was written in a melancholy mood, lou and I, 
 my love, shall always meet with fuel for our gloomy fire, as 
 long as we live. We must, however, strive against depres- 
 sion ; and you in particular, because you are young, and mel- 
 ancholy is a growing evil; and because it is death to all exer- 
 tion, and almost to all comfort: and moreover, Satan takes 
 great advantage of it to injure and disturb our spirits, and to 
 hinder our progress in the best things, I am sadly afraid of 
 depression, having suffered so much from it myself. The in- 
 dulgence of melancholy and sadness is a cheat, even in a reli- 
 gious point of view : though it may seem to favour spirituality 
 yet it does not do so in truth : it favours ihe feeling more than 
 the principle. But you and 1, in this tempestuous world, shall 
 have more call for principle, than feeling, — though this too 
 certainly has its place. Self-denial, submission of our will to 
 adverse circumstances, taking up the most irksome cross, 
 compliance with ten thousand arduous claims and demands, — 
 and all this in a spirit of kindness and cheerfulness,— arc lessons 
 only to be obtained in the combat, through the aid of Divine 
 grace. It is not only our faith that must be tried, but our love, 
 our patience, our submision, resignation and humility ; all 
 these must be brought forth by the purifying fire. But one 
 thing you must constantly bear in mind, or you will faint in 
 the day of adversity, namely, — that you are not called to un- 
 dertake one single difficultv in your own strength. Good reso- 
 20=^ 
 
234 MEMOIRS OF MRS. UAWKES. 
 
 lutions, the finest and most correct views, will all fail, unless 
 you go simply as a child, to the strong for strength, and lean 
 on all-sufficient grace. This is a secret which, I trust, you 
 will understand more and more. 
 
 " I am much gratified by your freedom ; I hope you will 
 cultivate a communicative habit, if you think me worthy of 
 your confidence. ' Eat not thine heart,' says a wise man, 
 when speaking of reserve. I think you will not easily find 
 one who has an ear more ready to hear or a heart more ten- 
 der to feel for you in every thing, than your truly affectionate 
 friend, " S. Hawkes." 
 
 The only private memorandum which is supplied for the 
 year 1813, shall lead to its close. Mrs. Hawkes's reflections 
 suggest the importance of diligence in early life, especially 
 with respect to the cultivation of the mind : — 
 
 " 1813. — Oh ! for some of my former energy, mental and 
 bodily ! but it is departed. I now feel the great advantage of 
 early reading; for long trouble and disease, have brought on 
 premature old age, so that all my menial faculties are, like 
 my body, become feeble and languid, it is only in some fa- 
 voured seasons, that I can do any thing to purpose. What I 
 read, seems to be forgotten as soon as read ; and I am some- 
 times ready, in despair, to give over the attempt. 
 
 " Bishop Hopkins speaks well to this case: — ^if thou corn- 
 plainest nothing remains on thy memory, therefore thou ihink- 
 est as good to give over reading as thus continually to pour 
 water in a seive; this should rather put thee on a more fre- 
 quent study of the Scripture, than discourage thee from it. A 
 vessel set under the fall of a spring, cannot leak faster than it is 
 supplied. Scripture truths, when they do not enrich the memory, 
 may yet purity the heart. Such is the irresistable force of 
 the word, the Spirit ofien darts it through us, as it seems but 
 like a flash of lightning, and it is gone ; yet it may melt our 
 hard hearts when it leaves no impression on our memories." 
 
 Notwithstanding the rather depressed view which Mrs. 
 Hawkes here takes of her weakness and infirmity, she was in- 
 deed becoming eminently useful at this tim.e in her private 
 sphere, which by means of correspondence and social inter- 
 course, was daily extending. Her society was equally sought 
 by the old and the young, the ricii and the poor: and it ap- 
 pears, by the next memorial of her christian experience, that 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 235 
 
 she obtained about this period, a strong impression of the value 
 of prolonged life, — both as allowing further space for the deep 
 work of repentance and faith, connected with increased self- 
 knowledge, and humiliation; — and as affording opportunities of 
 glorifying God, by seeking to promote the spiritual edification 
 of her fellow creatures. 
 
 Jan. 1814. — " During so many years of suffering and of al- 
 most continual seclusion, while reduced to weakness, languor, 
 and total uselessness, a burden not only to myself but to oth- 
 ers, — I have found it more easy to resign myself to life, be- 
 cause it is God's will that I should live, than to thank him for 
 the preservation of it. I trust, however, I can now thank Him 
 for life, and that on the following account: 43ecause discove- 
 ries have been made to my heart of many sins and corruptions 
 — to repent of which, with due humiliation, a long life would 
 be too short. It is only by very slow degrees that the heart 
 is taught to know its innate deceiifulncss, and total depravity. 
 And it is only a gracious knowledge of this, that can produce 
 true penitence, deep humiliation and self-despair. In pro- 
 portion as this is learnt, by the teaching of the Holy Spirit, the 
 soul is brought to the foot of the cross, and there casts itself 
 upon the Saviour, and obtains a more simple and transform- 
 ing view, of his love, his suitableness, his beauty, his all-suffi- 
 ciency to save. Then the word of the Redeemer begins to 
 open in all its splendour, and the divine perfections of the glo- 
 rious Trinity, in their different offices, shine forth with an ef- 
 fulgence of majesty and love. Hereby the soul is gradually 
 changed into the Divine image, and prepared for heaven. And, 
 now, it begins to feel the importance of life. It is only the 
 living that can shew forth the praises of God, in suffering, in 
 repentance for sin, in rejoicing in tribulation, in evidencing 
 the truth of Scripture, in being an instructor and an example 
 to others: and in manifesting, that the life of God in the soul, 
 with sweet communion and fellowship with the Father, Son, 
 and Holy Ghost, is sufficient to keep the mind in peace and 
 comfort, under the most severe and long continued afflictions. 
 If these blessed effects are in any measure produced, is there 
 not sufficient cause to thank God for the preservation of life? 
 
 " The greatest favour, and honour, that can be afforded to a 
 believing sinner, is to be permitted, and enabled, if by any 
 means, to glorify his Father which is in heaven. For this 
 purpose Christ came from heaven ; and this should be the 
 business of believers, on earth." 
 
236 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 From this period Mrs. Havvkes's sentiments, and the pro- 
 gress of her sufferings, will be chiefly gathered from her cor- 
 respondence; in pursuing the course of which, we shall be re- 
 freshed, rather than wearied. As, when tracing the windings 
 of a river, — though the way may be somewhat long, — we are 
 allured by the varying prospects, and revived by the healthful 
 breezes. 
 
 In writing to Mrs. Jones about this time, after expressing 
 fears with regard to some very distressing symptoms, she goes 
 on to say, — 
 
 "But * sufficient for the day is the evil thereof.' — I will not 
 say evil, but suffering thereof. Affliction has never brought 
 me any evil, but much good, and many feast-days; and my 
 feasting has been in proportion to my humiliation ; — because, 
 then the riches of divine grace have the finest flavour, and ap- 
 pear in their brightest aspect. I have seen, when formerly in 
 the Isle of Wight, a landscape painter traversing from spot to 
 spot, to obtain the best point of view for the object he was 
 about to take. The lowest, and most self-abasing place, into 
 which a real penitential spirit can sink, seems to afford the best 
 position for our beholding Christ. Oh, for self-emptiness, and 
 His fullness! Our utmost spiritual enjoyments are only like 
 little rills, sometimes appearing, and sometimes almost disap- 
 pearing : but in Him is a boundless ocean, wherein I would 
 fain plunge myself. In heaven we shall thus plunge. 
 
 " The conversation of a friend has lately given me a fresh 
 feeling of delight in the contemplation of the happiness of 
 heaven. I was almost entranced, for nearly three hours, with 
 a display of the finest intellect, the deepest Christian experience, 
 and most astonishing knowledge of human nature, with the 
 brightest views of the Saviour, 1 ever met with, except in Mr. 
 Cecil ; and yet, even this, though it put my feeble mind to the 
 full stretch, gives but a faint idea of the society we shall have 
 in heaven, and the delight it will afford us. It has been quite 
 a rich harvest time with me, lately, in Christian society. Mr. 
 Wilson, Mr. Sheppard and the above-mentioned friend, have 
 each brought in their ripe fruits, from which 1 have, I hope, 
 gained something. 
 
 " I have just been remarking to Mr. Sheppard, that when 
 I was a young Christian, I said, ' my mountain stands so 
 strong, I sliall never be moved ;' — but now, afler many years 
 increasing experience of my own weakness, and heart-de- 
 
CHAP. VII. FKOM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 237 
 
 pravity, and with some deeper views of the evil of sin, I am 
 afraid to say what I have, or what I am. I can tell my 
 gracious Lord all that concerns me, — hut to man let my words 
 be few, — and those, ' seasoned with salt.' But when I speak 
 of the mercy and goodness of God, let my words be weighty, 
 for his love cannot be told. I was much struck with hearing 
 Mr. Simeon say in the most impressive manner, when refer- 
 ring to Mark vi. 52, ' He had iearnt that mercy was no cause 
 of wonder, — and sin no cause of despair.' I said, that very 
 declaration is to mo a cause of wonder. He replied, — ' but 
 consider ivho it is that shews mercy, — it is God ! And it is 
 only because we do not consider Him in his perfections and 
 attributes, that we are disposed to wonder. Christ said to his 
 disciples when they feared and wondered, " where is your 
 faith." ' My mind seems to expand with the idea, and my ex- 
 pectations are enlarged: What may we not ask of God, — a 
 God in covenant ! I hope to take the promises with more 
 faith, hope, and expectation, and wrestle for their fulfilment, — 
 for concerning them 1 see as yet, but ' through a glass darkly.' 
 My present state seems to forbid every olher object of anxiety, 
 or pursuit, but that of being found with oil in my vessel, ready 
 for the cry, ' Behold, the bridegroom cometh.'" 
 
 Extract from another letter to i\Irs. Jones. 
 
 " I should have no intermission from sinking fears and fore- 
 bodings, were it not for the ineasure of faith, small as it is, 
 that my Saviour graciously bestows; enabling me to flee to 
 Him, as my strong tower and my constant hiding-place. 
 Every event, and every possible occurrence of every day, I 
 commit to Him. Satan, with all his designs against my soul; — 
 sin, in all its secret workings; — the want of spiritual graces ; — 
 my daily bread; — my bodily pains and infirmities: — and the 
 fearful apprehension of still greater ; — with whatever else adds 
 to my burdens ; I gather all up, and go to my Saviour with 
 them, and beg Him to enable me to roll them on Him ; to 
 leave them with him ; and to make me abide under the shadow 
 of his wings. And in proportion as Pie enables me thus to do, 
 what should proceed from my heart, but praise and humilia- 
 tion ! When I have the comfort of this experience, I say. Ah, 
 this is the fruit of redeeming love, and of saiictified affliction. 
 Thanks be to God, for his secret and sacred teaching! ' Tis 
 true the east wind has blighted and stripped away those earthly 
 fruits and flowers which 1 see many of my friends in the en- 
 
238 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 joyment of. But these might have been briars and snares in 
 my carnal heart. Instead of such meaner things, He leads 
 me into the green pastures of his love, by still and refreshing 
 waters, where no deadly poison nor envenomed sting lies con- 
 cealed ; i hope, iherefore, I can and do say, ' Bless the Lord, 
 O my soul.' And oh, may He pity and pardon me, whenever 
 faith so fails, as that I should, for a moment, cease to trust in 
 Him, or cease to magnify his holy name. But faith will fail, 
 and doubts and fears will spring up ; because, as an old writer 
 says ' Though the graces of the Spirit, as they flow from their 
 original fountain, are clear, and pure, yet no sooner are they 
 received into the unclean and leaky vessels of our hearts, than 
 they are weakened ; the wine is mixed with water — yea with 
 dregs. In heaven these sad vessels shall be made capable of 
 holding them purely, and be ever full' " 
 
 The entrance of the allied armies into Paris, in 1814, and 
 Buonaparte's consequent abdication of the throne of France, — 
 events which caused so great a change in the face of European 
 affairs, — are thus noticed by Mrs. Hawkes in her diary : — 
 
 Easter Sunday, April 10, 1814. — " My mind is still over- 
 whelmed, and impressed with a sacred awe, by the news of 
 yesterday, concerning France. Surely the Lord's arm is made 
 visible to man. May the inhabitants of the world thereby 
 learn righteousness ! So manifest a display of the Divine 
 power, disposes the mind to a more solemn observance of the 
 grand event, which the Church this day commemorates. Our 
 risen Saviour has all power, both in heaven and earth. And, 
 surely, his spiritual kingdom shall be advanced by the great 
 changes in the kingdoms of this world. The time will come, 
 when all enemies shall be put under his feet. Let it be my 
 business to fight under his banner against sin and Satan." 
 See Ezekiel xxxviii. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes, in the course of her correspondence, and 
 especially in the followinir letters, describes very clearly her 
 sentiments on the subject of indwelling sin, quite in accordance 
 with the statement made by St. Paul, in the 7th chapter of his 
 Epistle to the Romans. In the month of June, 1814, writing 
 to her friend Mrs. C tt, she says : — 
 
 " I can, my dear friend, feelingly unite in the complaints 
 you utter ; for I loo have much reason to fear a torpid and 
 lukewarm state, which seems to be the chief danger of such as 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 239 
 
 are less surrounded with temptations from external objects. 
 Persons who have lived long enough to detect the snares and 
 follies of the world, and all its vanities, have their dangers 
 from other quarters ; — for to dangers we shall always be ex- 
 posed while we are inhabitants of a depraved world, carryino- 
 about with us a fallen nature ; and while our vigilant adver- 
 sary is ever on the watch against us. For my own part, 1 
 feel sometimes quite weary with looking into my own corrupt 
 heart. Ah, I say, here is enough to do to weed this rank soil ; 
 — there is no time for drowsiness. Roots of bitterness, that 
 seemed to be destroyed, are ever putting forth their buds and 
 branches, in a thousand dilTerent appearances; all poisonous 
 and injurious to the growth of grace. In this work I should 
 utterly faint, if I were not enabled to look more to the Good 
 Husbandman than to myself for success. I find that the best 
 way to have corruptions destroyed, is to take them to the foot 
 of the cross, and there wait the purifying, sanctifying, and re- 
 newing virtue of that precious blood, which alone procures and 
 maintains our peace and spiritual life." 
 
 To the same friend, at another time, she writes : — 
 
 " I find nothing so damping and impeding to this work of 
 faith, as the shoots of that evil root of bitterness, indwelling 
 sin. Sin puts forth its poison into every thing. I will trans- 
 cribe a passage on this subject which I lately met with in the 
 diary of a most eminent and godly minister, and which greatly 
 pleased me ; — ' I was much distressed,' says he, ' by my dis- 
 coveries of the remaining power of indwelling sin, and the inva- 
 sion of sins of daily infirmity : not understanding well our state 
 here, that *' If any man say he has no sin, he deceives him- 
 self" — for " In many things we offend all;" — neither under- 
 standing the gracious provision made for this case, in the cove- 
 nant of grace, the daily sacrifice; — i. e. the daily application 
 to the throne of grace, — the blood of the atonement, — the 
 "fountain opened." In my ignorance 1 essayed to humble 
 myself distinctly for every one of my failures: — but I found, 
 had I followed this course, my whole time would not have 
 sufficed. Hereon, the Lord led me to that course a worthy 
 friend advises in this case ; — I was fain to take them in the 
 lump, or rather so go with them all at once, and plunge my- 
 self in the " Fountain opened for sin and unclcanncss." \( 
 any one grosser sin overtakes us, we must endeavour a dis- 
 tinct recovery and intimation of pardon, by a distinct applica- 
 
240 ' MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 tion to the blood of sprinkling. * * * Herein lies one of 
 the greatest secrets of praciical godliness, and the highest at- 
 tainment of close walking with God, to come daily to the foun- 
 tain and wash, and yet to keep up as great a reverence for this 
 provision of forgiveness, as if it were onct only to be had, and 
 no more.'' 
 
 "No wonder, my dear madam, that such as know nothing 
 of the gospel method of salvation, nor the constraining influ- 
 ence of the love and grace of Christ, and the true filial fear of 
 a child of God, should condemn this merciful and wonderful 
 doctrine of ' daily washing,' as leading to licentiousness. Such 
 an objection was started as early as the days of the Apostle; 
 and he knew how to answer it. In the same way does every 
 true and sincere follower of Christ answer it, boih to himself 
 and others. The branch that is really united to the true vine, 
 and that lives and bears fruit by virtue of this union, will never, 
 — from that root, — bring forth wild and sour grapes. But 
 we must be content to be misunderstood ; as we are content 
 when W'O hear a blind man mistake in attempting to describe a 
 fine prospect, or beautiful colours; and w-e must turn such 
 mistakes into a prayer, that the eyes of their understanding 
 may be enlightened." 
 
 Writing to a young friend on the same subject, she says, — 
 *' It is not difficult to know and believe theoreticaUy that the 
 heart is deceitful and desperately wicked; but to feel it, to trace 
 really its secret windings, to detect how sin insinuates itself 
 into our motives, designs, objects, thoughts, prayers, and every 
 action, sleeping andwakinp;: and on that account truly and 
 sincerely to be afraid and ashamed to lift our mouths out 
 of the dust, because we are vile, and because we cannot open 
 them without danger; these are lessons gradually learnt un- 
 der the teaching of the Holy Spirit, in the various means He 
 is pleased to use ; and from continual occasions, and circum- 
 stantial occurrences, by which, as in a glass, an enlightened, 
 observant eye, obtains important discoveries of what is hidden 
 within. You say, you abhor yourself because you are proud ; 
 — and so do I, my dear, and yet I am proud still. But we 
 must sentence this arch-fiend to die the death of crucifixion ; 
 and every day drive in a fresh nail, and pray to be made will- 
 ing that nails should be driven in from every quarter, till it 
 bleeds, if not to death, (which it never will in this world,) yet 
 till it is enfeebled and overcome by the contrary feelings of 
 self-abasement. The very discipline and subjugation of your 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 241 
 
 natural abilities to the humility and simplicity of a little child, 
 will constitute one part of that obedience of faith, which is so 
 essential to the Christian character. 
 
 " You made me smile at your simplicity, in not knowing 
 what you should pray for on my account. Ah ! my love, I 
 am as full of weakness, want, and wickedness, as you or any 
 other. The moment I cease from jylying my oars^ that mo- 
 ment spiritual life languishes. I need your prayers, and those 
 of all others who will bestow such a kindness : I need faith, 
 patience, humility, holiness, resignation, and entire reliance 
 upon God tor life and for death. My disease much increases; 
 and if faith, patience, and dependence increase not accordingly, 
 I must sink under my load. Therefore you now know what 
 to pray for : and be assured, you have, and must alway,'^ have, 
 a place in my supplications." 
 
 To another friend she writes : — 
 
 " When I set out, above thirty years ago, on my pilgrimage 
 Zion-ward, though encompassed with outward trouble, yet like 
 the Ethiopian eunuch spoken of in the Acts, I was enabled, for 
 a few years, to go on my way rejoicing. But as my voyage 
 through life's tempestuous ocean has been lengthened, and 
 * deep is still calling to deep,' till heart and flesh begin to fail, I 
 am now content to ' go softly,' wondering and ashamed at such 
 depths of sin, depravity and weakness, which varied trials, 
 temptations, and occasions have brought out to my view ; so 
 that now I am constrained to cry out, ' Behold I am vile,' I will 
 henceforth ' lay my hand upon my mouth.' I dare not, how- 
 ever, conceal the bright parts of so dark a picture, lest I should 
 be guilty of ingratitude to that infinite and gracious God, who 
 only strips that he may clothe, and wounds that he may heal. 
 In proportion as I have been driven from all peace in myself, 
 and all rest from created objects, I have been in mercy led to 
 the ♦ Rock that is higher than I,' and there I have found rest 
 and peace, satisfying and abounding : so that nothing ought to 
 be uppermost in my mind but wonder and praise, for ihe mer- 
 cies I have experienced, and the surprising favours 1 have re- 
 ceived ; for I have ever had ' songs in the night,' however 
 dark." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's sentiments on the subject of indwelling sin, 
 are still more strikingly expressed in a letter to Mrs. Jones; 
 21 
 
242 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 where they stand in connexlion with experiences which indi- 
 cate great advancement in the divine life. She writes : 
 
 " My spiritual mercies are very great ; for the Lord is 
 pleased, in his wonderful condescension, to draw my soul to live 
 upon him, in a measure beyond what, considering my own 
 vileness and ingratitude towards him, 1 durst ask or think. I 
 sometimes hope he is giving me a foretaste of heaven ; for 
 which I cannot but long, notwithstanding I shrink at passing 
 through the river. How often does my heart sing, over and 
 over, those words, 
 
 ' Fear him, ye saints, and you will then 
 Have nothing else to fear.' 
 
 Thus he giveth me * songs in the night ;' and nights of such 
 pain as makes me, at some intervals, groan aloud. But bles- 
 sed be his name, he does not suffer me to murmur. Nature 
 may groan and cry aloud ; but woe be to the heart that mur- 
 murs under such an aggregate of mercies as mine. But alas! 
 there is yet left a ' root of bitterness' not destroyed. It is checked, 
 it is kept under, but the life is still in it ; and but for the power 
 of grace it would, like the horrible Hydra, that many-headed 
 serpent, send forth its hellish hissings. It is the poison of that 
 foul spirit that made war in heaven, because he would be inde- 
 pendent. ' Let this mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus;' 
 and what was that mind ? Ah ! to trace it through all its beau- 
 tiful exemplifications, and then compare it with my own, either 
 past or present experience, brings me to the foot of the cross 
 in shame, and utter self-abhorrence; and no prayer seems to 
 suit me so well as that of the publican !" 
 
 In the month of November, 1814, Mrs. Hawkes writes to 
 another friend as follous : — 
 
 " I have been visited by Dr. Sims, — but vain is the help of 
 man. How unspeakable is our mercy that we have, at all 
 times, help in God. Our hope in him, is indeed an anchor 
 which keeps us from being driven by the waves. You, my suf- 
 fering sister and friend, are wonderfully enabled to bear your 
 testimony to the sufficiency of Divine grace : and while you 
 are seeking to honour your blessed Master he is pleased to 
 honour your faith, by making you a witness of his power, love, 
 and faithfulness. It comforts and encourages my heart, to see 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 243 
 
 that truly he makes your ' shoes to be iron and brass,' — for 1 
 think, you have as trying and perplexing a path as any one 1 
 ever knew : and the wisdom and faith which is vouchsafed to 
 you is, most evidently, his special gift. Continue thus to hold 
 fasten God, and you will never sink. Maintain continual com- 
 munion and intercourse with him, and hard things shall be 
 made easy. This is the secret — to live by faith. 
 
 " 1 do not think that either you or I have far to seek as to the 
 « cause of our afflictions.' We may find an answer in our de- 
 ceitful hearts, and depraved nature ; and especially if we enter 
 deeply into the examination of what sin is. Many persons are 
 apt to consider of sin, in the act only ; whereas, this is to have 
 but a very slight and superficial view of it. Nay, we must go 
 deeper than even to our own inward feelings of its motions 
 and risings : we must consider it in its original poison and mis- 
 chief, as it contaminates our nature, as it flows in our veins, 
 and grows in our growth ; and it must be the business of our 
 lives to enter into the design of God, and to be co-workers 
 with him, in its utter destruction. Yet after all, we must re- 
 member, that the leprosy will not be wholly extirpated till the 
 'mortal put on immortality.' An old divine remarks, that 
 ' We may have a sinful impatience, as to those sinful infirmi- 
 ties, that will ever trouble us while we are in the body.' It is 
 the Divine Will that nature and grace should exist together, 
 though there must be a perpetual war between them ; and if 
 God has patience with what he hates far more than we do, let 
 us also learn to exercise patience with ourselves. And while 
 ■we give no place to the devil, and no encouragement to sin, 
 yet let us be wise and patient in the fight, and use only holy 
 weapons in our opposition. The main effect of the discovery 
 of sin, when attended by the teaching of the Holy Spirit, is 
 that of deep penitence, humiliation, and resignation. Hence 
 proceed love, patience, and tenderness towards the failings of 
 others. And what can produce fruits so contrary to our proud 
 hearts, but that culture of the Divine Husbandman, who uses 
 the best means for the best ends. Among other means, that 
 of ajfliction seems to be one by which he frequently chooses 
 to operate. Did you ever read, or hear, or know of any em- 
 inent saint, that was not trained in the school of afiliction ? 
 Then, is not your question answered, as lo what is the cause ? 
 It assuredly ought to be, and will bo, the prayer of every hon- 
 est heart, 'Search me, O God, and try me: and see if there 
 be any wicked way in me ;' — any secret reserves, any sins of 
 ignorance, and lodi>ments of selt-dcceit ; — and these are dis- 
 
244 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 covered to us by the various circumstances and occasions of 
 life, that draw^ out one corruption and another, which we had 
 no idea existed. I am sure, such discoveries are made to me 
 of the sins of my past life, and of what in me yet remains to 
 be renewed, that I am constrained to cry hard for faith, to see 
 that the remedy is fully adequate to the disease, or I could not 
 sustain the view. I never dare ask for a sight of my sins, 
 without at the same time asking for a full appropriation of the 
 Saviour. IMy question is not. Wherefore am I so greatly af- 
 flicted ? but, Why am 1 not afflicted more? And the answer is, 
 — because He is rich in mercy, and considers we are dust, and 
 will not correct us so as that the spirit should fail. You and I 
 have every encouragement to hope, that God will perfect that 
 uhich concerneth us. We have the witness in our own bo- 
 soms that the method of cure is most exactly suited to the dis- 
 ease. Why are we put into mortifying circumstances, but to 
 destroy pride? and so on, through every trial, we may learn 
 our malady. 
 
 " In your remark upon the duty of feeling a spirit of love to 
 all, independent of any exterior or mental qualifications, I am 
 not sure that I understand you. That we ought to possess 
 such Christian benevolence, as should enable us to promote the 
 good of others, make us patient and tender towards their fail- 
 ings, and meekly bear their unkindness towards us, is most 
 certain. But that we should be able really to love equally 
 one with another, is what 1 suppose you do not mean. 
 
 *' You say, you want to know how, through my long trials, 
 I have been conquering self in every shape. Ah ! my dear 
 friend, you use a \vrong term. I, alas ! liave only been 
 fighting against self, but am still very far from being a con- 
 queror ; and I am thankful to say, as you do, ' Jesus shows 
 me my strength is in him ; and my desire and aim is, to be 
 as a little child. When 1 want to act, I go to him for wisdom 
 and strength. If I feel anger, I run to him, and show it him ; 
 when I feel pride rising upon any occasion, 1 go to him and 
 confess it. To him I take every sin as it stirs, — every want — 
 ever}'' desponding thought. To him 1 go for every good 
 thought, every good desire, every good word and work ; cry- 
 ing. Lord help me in this, — Lord help me in the other. It is 
 thy grace alone that can produce any thing in me. What else 
 is meant by ' Christ living in me and I in him.' It is by this 
 simple faith that we must bring forth good works ; and to ob- 
 tain it, we must urge and plead the promises. ' Having these 
 promises, let us cleanse ourselves.' How are we to be 'trans- 
 
CHAP, VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 245 
 
 formed in the spirit ofonr minds,' and to bo ' changed info his 
 imafTo from glory to glory?' not by looking within^ but by 
 * looking to Jesus,' by looking through the glass that shows 
 him to us, — even his blessed word. I am thankful you arc 
 tauofht not to look at second causes. May you grow more and 
 more perfect in this lesson ; it is the only one to produce peace 
 of mind, as to outward things. In great matters it is com- 
 paratively easy to do this: but in small things, 1 feel my sad 
 propensity to deviate from the rule." 
 
 At the close of the year 1814, some apprehensions were ex- 
 cited in Mrs. H.iwkes's mind lest she should be obliged to 
 leave her very convenient apartments in Penton Place. But 
 her continuance in ihem was providentially overruled to bring 
 about an important and interesting event, which will be de- 
 scribed in its proper place. Under licr present fears she 
 writes the following memorandum; — 
 
 Dec. 19, 1814 "My old and sinful infirmity of forebod- 
 ings of approaching trouble, again besets me. Another cloud 
 darkens my wintery sky ; and like a very weakling, I shrink 
 from fresh disturbances, and from new, or rather the repetition 
 of old troubles. I have been favoured with three years of 
 much quiet and comfort in this family, and do not like the 
 puttiniT out to sea again. A Christian friend said to me to-day, 
 that his watch-word through all his ditRculties and trials was, 
 < Thy will be done.' Let this be mine, and then every oppos- 
 ing principle will be done away ; and to stay or to go, will be 
 alike easy. ' Commit thy way unto the Lord.' 
 
 " If Nehemiah said 'Shall such a man as I flee?' May not 
 I, with such an inventory of past mercies, through twenty 
 years of pain and poverty, say also, ' Shall such a one as [ 
 faint because fresh troubles arise V Yes, Lord, unless upheld 
 by thy mighty power; unless strengthened by fresh supplies 
 of grace; I shall yet faint, even while I am constrained to take 
 shame to myself in so doing. Not one thing have I lacked 
 that was realy needful, for all these years. Yet it is only by 
 the assistance of thy grace that I can gather real support and 
 comfort from past mercies. O keep me from the ingratitude 
 of unbelief, and doubting." 
 
 In the year 1815, IMrs. Hawkes suffered with continual in- 
 flamation in her eyes, which though it rendered correspon- 
 dence difficult, did not prevent her from endeavouring to con- 
 tinue her epistolary exertions. In the following letter to a 
 21* 
 
246 MEMOIRS or mrs. hawkes. 
 
 young friend, she offers some striking remarks upon the evil 
 of giving loose to a roving imagination, — especially upon re- 
 ligious subjects: — 
 
 " Thank you, my love, for giving me credit for what is 
 really the fact, that I would have written sooner if I could. 
 My eyes have been as bad as ever, and I have much pain in 
 my head. I seem to become more and more oppressed daily. 
 And as to company ! my visitors have been more numerous 
 than ever ; so that day after day, I have no sooner taken up 
 my pen, than I have been obliged to put it down again. I 
 could, indeed, write in the morning before I rise : but that time 
 is devoted, and dedicated, and I never will infringe upon it ; or 
 rather, I pray, I never may, — unless it be on occasions of 
 almost life and death ; for I am sure the life and comfort of 
 my soul are inseparably connected with keeping that sacred 
 hour from being hurried, or rendered unprofitable by thieves 
 and intruders. The regulator must be looked to, morning and 
 night at least, or all will soon be wrong. ' Seven limes a day' 
 was David found in this important work ; and seven times a 
 day, should we catch a sort of ' parenthesis,' to breathe a sigh 
 of praying breath to heaven. The gentlest breath will reach 
 His ear; for it is ever open to our cry. 
 
 *' What an extraordinary dream was yours ! so connected. 
 I am sorry for it, because it goes into the altogether to produce 
 the pensive, which is dangerous if it predominates. I recom- 
 mend you to do what 1, through fear, am invariably driven to, 
 namely, to make it one part of sincere and fervent prayer, in 
 my evening devotions, that my Divine Protector will not suffer 
 either Satan, or any of his evil agents, to approach my imagi- 
 nation, or any of those faculties of my mind approachable by 
 evil spirits, so as to stir up any unholly thoughts, or produce 
 any sinful impressions. Whatever leaves on the mind any 
 evil or earthly tendency, must be from an enemy. Now we 
 must put all our enemies, great and small, into ihe hands of 
 Him who alone can bind them with his strong chain. The 
 imagination is a faculty less under our control than any other ; 
 and to have this sanctified, should be our earnest supplication. 
 We should deny it fresh supplies, watch against old traces, 
 and endeavour to bring in higher objects to employ it. Our 
 good friend, Dr. F. says in a letter, ' How often have 1 sate 
 burning my shins before the fire, absorbed in contempla- 
 tion, and warming myself by the sparks of my own imagina- 
 tion.' I have been as far as he, or any one else, in this 
 
CHAP. VII. — FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817- 247 
 
 Utopian world. In all cases it is dangerous, but in religion it 
 is destroying. The two subjects of our contemplation should 
 be, the Scriptures, and what they lead to, — namely, the 
 knowledge of our God and Saviour, and the knowledge of our- 
 selves. In these the Holy Spirit is our Teacher. Now in the 
 instance of tutor and pupii, we know what course is most suc- 
 cessful. On the pupil's part, there must be not only capacity — 
 design — intention ; but there must be deep and undivided at- 
 tention. Nothing whatever must intrude on any one given 
 lesson, or we shall sustain loss. So it is with you, and me, 
 when we take up our Bibles to meditate therein : we first pray 
 to the Holy Spirit to teach us, and He condescends to be ready 
 at our request. And what does He require, but a deep, sacred 
 attention; an entire yielding of ourselves to his instructions. 
 We must as much as possible, divest ourselves of our own 
 thoughts ; we must chain ourselves to the pure words of Scrip- 
 ture ; we must try our meditations by this standard. The less 
 that imagination has to do in it, the better. It is truth we are 
 pursuing ; ' Make my heart sound in thy statutes.' ' Teach me 
 good judgment and knowledge.' ' The word of the Lord is 
 pure.' In proportion as we lean to our own understanding, 
 and kindle sparks of our own about us, our Divine Teacher is 
 grieved, and retires. This has been the error of the mystics, 
 and perhaps led the way to all the nonsense of Jacob Behmen. 
 There are some minds more in danger this way than others, — 
 and even the same minds, in different seasons, ages, and cir- 
 cumstances. If the mind has naturally a romantic tendency, 
 we must be very watchful, self-denying, self-suspicious, and 
 thoroughly sincere. At first v/e may find this hard work. 
 Self-denial is hard work in all cases; and most of all, in men- 
 talities, and spiritualities. To cast down imaginations, and 
 bring every thought into subjection ; to teach our understand- 
 ing to humble and submit itself; to be willing to be a fool in 
 order to become wise ; — will require us to pray earnestly, and 
 constantly, for all sufficient grace. 
 
 " Farewell, my love ; may every blessing be yours; may 
 you be like the palm-tree, whose roots strike very deep; like 
 an evergreen, which no frost, nor wind, nor sun, nor rain af- 
 fects ; may you ever be willing to give up talent, refinement, 
 genius, — every delicacy m a lordly dish, — for the true bread of 
 life, in however homely a way it may be served. Keep 
 always the crucible in your hand, to distinguish gold from 
 alloy. The simple, holy, humble Christian, most resembles 
 
248 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 his Divine Master ; one who is like the King's daughter, all 
 glorious within, desiring only to be weli-pleasing in his sight, 
 whose favour is better than life." 
 
 "Yours ever, and ever. 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 To another friend she writes, in the month of May, 1815, 
 as follows : — 
 
 " I find great benefit in taking sometimes one promise, and 
 sometimes another, to the Great Promiser, and imploring him 
 to give me power to believe it, and practically to build and 
 rest upon it in every exigence and distress. Blessed be his 
 name, He gives me wonderfully to experience that such a suit 
 shall not be made in vain. An involuntary enquiry will some- 
 times put itself forth, ' Plov/ long, Lord, shall these afflictions 
 last? They have continued a long season; 5^ear after year 
 have 1 looked for the promised deliverance; — how long, Lord? 
 are thy mercies clean gone for ever? ' But let us remember, 
 that while we are allov/ed, nay invited and encouraged, humbly 
 to plead with him, yet we must not limit, nor dictate as to time 
 or measure. Let us not accustom our minds to dwell upon 
 the long or the short ; we must not take the m.easuring line of 
 days, months, or years, with Him to whom past, present, and 
 to come, are one and the same. It is his sacred design and 
 purpose towards us, at which we must look ; — it is by the pro- 
 gress of our cure, and healing, that we must measure. And 
 we know that so inveterate are our diseases, that to recover us. 
 is a mighty work. It is true, a sovereign power might, if he 
 saw good, complete the work in us at any period of our lives 
 that he pleased, — but since he works according to the counsel 
 of his own almighty wisdom, and will, — and since he has or- 
 dained means, and various providential dispensations, to ac- 
 complish his designs of mercy and grace in us, — let us simply 
 yield ourselves to God, and lie in his hands, as clay in the 
 hands of the potter. And let us refresh our souls by looking 
 to the great cloud of witnesses, with which we are encompassed. 
 We are led by the same hand that led Abraham, Isaac, and Ja- 
 cob. We are under the same almighty protection that was 
 over the children of Israel while thev sojourned in the wilder- 
 ness. The eleventh cha|)ter of the Hebrews gives us an ani- 
 mating view of the victorious power of faith. We are not 
 called to such fiery trials and conflicts as they were, — yet they 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812, TO 1817. 249 
 
 were able to triumph over all ; and so shall we also, by the 
 same Divine power. Even Jesus, our glorious head, conde- 
 scended to bear such suflerings as the strongest of his mem- 
 bers must have sunk under. Let us therelbre look at Him, 
 the author and the fmisher ofour faith, that we faint not, neither 
 be weary. He will give us fresh supplies of grace, moment 
 after moment ; and when our hearts begin to droop, and our 
 eyes fail with looking upwards, if w^e can but look with the 
 eye of faith, we shall receive invigoration and strength accord- 
 ing to our need. This, you and 1 have already experienced. 
 Indeed I can propose no new idea to you, nor impart any new 
 secret; — nor do we need new things, it is only to have old 
 truths brought before our minds more vividly, and with more 
 lively impressions. 
 
 " Thus it is in studying the Scriptures, hearing sermons, 
 reading, and conversation, — we look for, and receive, new illu- 
 mination and influence from the shining of the Holy Spirit upon 
 old truths. All I can say is, what I have often repeated, that 
 I find the only way of getting on, is to live by the day. I 
 should, even now, utterly faint, if I suffered myself to look be- 
 yond the day, or enquire, 'how long shall these trials last?' 
 and if I did not constantly endeavour to keep my eye fixed 
 upon that power and goodness, that in one moment, if it pleased 
 Him, could change the whole course of our affairs. I often 
 say with her of old, <Thou, Lord, seest me:' thou seest me 
 struggling with this wave, and conflicting with the other ; — and 
 thou hast all power both in heaven and in earth ; — thou hast 
 only to speak the word, and every difficulty shall be removed 
 in an instant : therefore that my trials continue, can only be 
 resolved into thy will. Thus, let us really, and practically, 
 set the Lord always before us ; let us expect great things, and 
 hope to the end ; remembering how light all will appear, the 
 moment we set our foot on that bright shore where no sorrow 
 can follow us. I believe that pride, and independence of spirit, 
 with some other peculiar evils of the heart, can only be cured 
 by sanctified afllictions. Let us therefore learn of the apostle 
 to ' cownt tliem happy that endure.' Though I know but little, 
 as I ought to know, of humiliation, submission, and deep self- 
 abasement, yet that little yields me more peace and real satis- 
 faction, than I ever found in the gratification of my proudest 
 and fondest wishes. Ah, it is sweet to lie as a humble peni- 
 tent at the feet of Jesus, and to say from the heart, ' Give me 
 thyself,' — let me be a living, fruitful branch in Thee, the true 
 vine, — and then deal with me as scemeth good in thy sight.' 
 
250 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 I verily believe, there is no such close communion and con- 
 verse with Gt)cl, as when we are under his immediate disci- 
 pline : — and to obtain such a delightful intercourse, what cost 
 is too high ? 
 
 " Do not, my dear friend, fear any thing which you may be 
 called to pass through, while you can keep up communion 
 and intercourse with your gracious Saviour. Do not go to 
 meet trouble, but wait quietly through every turning and wind- 
 ing of his dispensations. Do not plan beforehand what you 
 shall do in this or that case, — but have one simple determinate 
 plan, — namely, to live by fi\ith on an unchangeable friend." 
 
 About this time Mrs. Jones wrote to her sister, requesting 
 some thoughts on faith and dependence. The following is an 
 extract from Mrs. Hawkes's letter in reply : — 
 
 " My dear sister asks for ' scraps on faith and dependence.' 
 I could send her some, if I had time and strength to extract 
 them from a rich old author I am reading ; for it is to the 
 Fathers in Christ that we must go for these things. I some- 
 times have the presumption to think I know a little of the 
 sweetness of child-like dependence and faith; and as far as I 
 do know any thing of them, 1 experience their value. But I 
 reproach myself whenever I venture to speak of such things. 
 When, by the eye of faith, we contemplate the riches, and 
 beauty, and glory, that dwell in Christ, we may indulge and 
 expatiate without fear of exceeding the mark : but when we 
 begin to speak of the grace drawn from Him, and received into 
 the unclean vessel of a sinful heart, — where it soon loses its 
 purity, and becomes sullied and weakened, — then one fears to 
 speak about it. Jesus, and his power, and love, and beauty, 
 is the only theme that we can talk of with safety. I often blame 
 myself when I venture to speak of my own experience, since 
 it is a book, of which, if you exhibit the bright parts only, you 
 mislead ; and as to the dark parts, they cannot be understood, 
 because you cnnnot give the feeling, and interior sense. The 
 book of my own life is to me a constant wonder ; but it is im- 
 possible any one should read it but myself. One thing how- 
 ever 1 know, that they who live nearest the Saviour are rich ; 
 and had I so lived, 1 should now be like a tree richly laden, 
 and should know something of the heights and depths, and 
 length and breadth, of the love of Christ ; but fool-like, a thou- 
 sand things have diverted my attention, and drawn my heart 
 and thoughts aside ; and now I am no more than a poor bram- 
 ble ; I am, however, seeking fruit from the ' Green fir-tree,* 
 and 1 hope that my withered branch will yet have some green- 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 251 
 
 ness, some blossoms in old age and infirmity. I trust 1 am 
 learning to go to Him with all my filthy polluted rags, (with 
 some 1 have called holy, which were perhaps the vilest of 
 them,) and exchange them for that spotless robe, which shall 
 tit me to appear in Mis presence. 
 
 " I am comforted by your remarks under my self-reproaches. 
 When he who loved the church, shall present it to himself a 
 glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, 
 — all shame shall be done away. Till then 1 will keep my 
 sins in my sight to humble me, and to shut my mouth from 
 boasting, censuring, or complaining ; and to exalt that redeem- 
 ing love, that has wrought out such a salvation. Ah, if sal- 
 vation be so inexhaustible a subject now, what will be its glo- 
 ry when we shall see its wonders in eternity ! O baseness 
 and carnality of heart, ever to dwell on any other theme ! Alas, 
 alas, the feebleness of humanity ! 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes notices the termination of this year in the fol- 
 lowing manner : — 
 
 Dec. 1815. — "At the close of this year, I would set up 
 another Ebenezer of praise, — for the Lord hath helped me. 
 He did enable me to close the last year at the footstool of his 
 mercy, and there to spend the first hour of the year now past. 
 He has condescended to keep that, which He gave me faith to 
 commit unto Him ; and if this year has had new trials, and 
 increased sufferings, it has had renewed mercies, and a great 
 increase of peace of soul. I have had this year, one very re- 
 markable answer to prayer respecting temporals ; and in all 
 that I have cried unto Him for, the Lord hath mercifully in- 
 clined his ear, and heard me for his own name's sake. ' He is 
 faithful who has promised.' He is found of them that seek 
 him. He is my rock, and under the shadow of his wings will 
 1 trust." 
 
 In the course of the year 181G, a favour was conferred on 
 Mrs. Hawkes, the importance of which can only be fully 
 known in the light of eternity. It pleased God, at that time, to 
 seal her zealous endeavours to do good to the souls of others, 
 by the remarkable conversion of Mr. Vaughan, — a gentleman 
 in whose house Mrs. Hawkes had been for several years re- 
 siding.* The very interesting memorials of Mr. Vaughan's 
 
 ' See page 245. 
 
252 ME3I0IKS OF Y.I15. HAV/KES. 
 
 conversion, while confined to a bed of languishing, with the 
 account of his subsequent joy and peace in believing, — his as- 
 surance of hope, — his patience in suffering, — and his final tri- 
 umph over death, — have long since been given to the public, 
 in a small volume edited by Mr. Hodson, (secretary to the Lon- 
 don Missionary Society,) who united his efforts with those of 
 Mrs. Hawkes, to promote Mr. Vaughan's spiritual benefit. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes thus apprizes a friend and relative of Mr. 
 Vaughan's decease ; — 
 
 "My dear M- 
 
 Our friend Vaughan ' liveth.^ He ceased to breathe yes- 
 terday about five o'clock. I saw him depart as peacefully as 
 a sleeping infant. I must not stay to tell you his sweet say- 
 ings, save one. About half an hour before his death, he said 
 ' I am dying,' — and soon after added, '1 am in the high road 
 to heaven.' Ah, thither he is gone, and washed his robes in 
 the blood of the Lamb ! Glory and praise to In's holy name 
 who, even in the eleventh hour, snatched him ' as a brand 
 from the burning.' So rare an instance of sovereign mercy, 
 will, I dare say, be drawn up in a little memorial, by his kind 
 an unwearied instructor, Mr. Hodson. About nine in the 
 morning, when he was struck with death, he said, ' Call for 
 Mrs. Hawkes— she will help me.' Dear creature, he had a 
 better helper, even one who is Almighty I May this helper be 
 yours, and mine, in the same trying hour ! for, oh ! how aw- 
 ful is the seizure of that invisible, last enemy, sitting in tri- 
 umph over the body, which is all over which he can have 
 power ! " Farewell, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 The following memorandum, written at the close of the year, 
 refers to the same interesting event : — 
 
 Penion Place, Dec. 1816. — "No words can express, no 
 numbers can recount, the favours and mercies of this now de- 
 parting year, — both temporal and, especially, spiritual. My 
 body is, indeed, decaying fast ; but this is mercy. My soul 
 is, I trust, ripening for the approaching sickle. The favour 
 that has been vouchsafed at the close of so unprofitable a life, 
 — namely, to be used as an instrument for the salvation of one 
 soul, — forms a bright spot in my clouded sky, which shall 
 cheer my remaining steps through this wilderness. 
 
CHAP. VII FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. *^53 
 
 " My anxiety, my prayers, my tears for the conversion of 
 Ihis now departed friend, — in themselves poor, feeble, and 
 worthless, — are in that book, and in that bottle, which are kept 
 on high. Ps. Ivi. 8. Yet in this blessed work, 1 count my- 
 self no more than a hewer of wood, and a drawer of water : 
 but that is honour and happiness enough. To my esteemed 
 friend, Mr. Hodson, under God belongs the palm ; and that I 
 was the means of obtaining his attendance on our deceased 
 friend, is sufficient for my comfort. I have myself reaped a 
 rich harvest of instructions, admonitions, and prayers, and 
 praises which, every evening, for many weeks, have been so 
 richly, so kindly, so unweariedly afforded ; they have been 
 blessed to my soul; and the savour thereof, will, I trust, re- 
 main until I join the late happy convert in that new song, which 
 he has begun before me, in the realms of bliss. 
 
 " The old christian who has, by grace reached to a some- 
 what more elevated ground than one beginning the spiritual 
 journey, should remember the toils, conflicts, weakness, dark- 
 ness, temptations, &c., that made him groan, and oftentimes 
 ready to faint, in ascending to that point, — that he may deal 
 tenderly, and gently, with such as are yet labouring over the 
 same ground. So desirous is the advanced christian that 
 others should have the same joy, that he is apt to forget 
 there must first be the fight, and the course. He calls all to re- 
 joice as he does : — to be dead to the world as he is, — to bathe 
 in the sweet ocean of redeeming love ; and to breathe freely 
 in the pure element of holy communion. And it is natural 
 he should so speak : but this meat should be reserved for riper 
 age ; and the milk of younger experience should be given to 
 babes. In this very thing 1 have erred, and now would cor- 
 rect ray mistake." 
 
 In addition to the interesting circumstance just related, the 
 present year furnishes a letter written by Mrs. Hawkes to her 
 
 beloved friend Mrs. C tt, soon after she left England to 
 
 join her husband at Honduras in the West Indies. The letter 
 affords a fresh instance of the highly spiritual tone of commu- 
 nication, which Mrs. Hawkes delighted to maintain wherever 
 she met with a suitable correspondent. 
 
 Bee. 1816. 
 
 " 1 am rejoiced to seize the opportunity of writing to my dear 
 and honoured friend, who is not less loved, less thought of, 
 less longed for, because of that separation which must ever fill 
 
254 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 my heart with selfish yet tender sorrow ; — it is impossible, my 
 dear madam, to express how constantly you have been in my 
 thoughts, and also in my poor prayers ; and how intensely 1 de- 
 sire to hear of all that you have passed through, in mind, and 
 events. That all 7ms been, is, and shall be well with you, I 
 doubt not ; for the word of truth declares it shall be well v/ith 
 the righteous. 
 
 " It appeared very evident to me, when I was last favoured 
 with an interview, that you were highly favoured of the Lord, 
 in being enabled to take refuge, and rest under the shadow of 
 his wings ; and my anxious eye has viewed you, while passing 
 through the deep ocean, infolded in the blessed arms of our 
 adorable God and Saviour, sweetly resting your head on his 
 bosom, and saying, with one who well knew that pillow of rest 
 and peace, ' None of these things move me.' The greatest 
 blessing in the world is that resignation to, and simply follow- 
 ing of die Divine will, which springs from union with Christ ; 
 for this is to have the same mind that was in Christ, and to 
 tread in the same steps in which he walked ; and I feel as- 
 sured, that your fellov/ship is with the Father, and with the 
 Son, through the indwelling of the Holy Ghost in your heart. 
 Many circumstantial changes you have experienced ; and must 
 have experienced consequent exercises of mind. How would 
 it interest my heart to hear you detail them most minutely! 
 # * # * 'pj^g eye Qf faith, which is constantly and stead- 
 ily fixed on the things that are not seen, can scarcely look upon 
 the vanishing things of time and sense, as of any impor- 
 tance; the vivid impression of an awful eternity, and the cer- 
 tainty that only a moment divides us from it, teaches us prac- 
 tically to say to every person and thing around us, ' Hinder 
 me not :' I have a great work to do, — heaven is in my view ; 
 and what then shall attract my attention for one moment to a 
 dying world? To walk as children of light, — to be made the 
 salt of the earth, — to glorify our Father which is in heaven, — 
 to live with out-spread wings, ready for flight whenever the 
 Master calleth for us ; — is enough to engage and absorb every 
 faculty of the mind, and to elevate it to a point so high, and 
 so dignified, that every thing below it must dwindle away into 
 nothingness. 
 
 " But where shall we find this high place, — this favoured 
 point, from whence to take our sublime view ? Ah 1 you, dear 
 madam, will reply, ' At the foot of the cross, — in the Garden 
 of Gathsemane, — at the holy sepulchre.' The pious Fenelon 
 had found it when he says, ' I adore Thee, O infant Jesus, 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 255 
 
 weeping, and lying in a manger ; thy childhood and poverty 
 are become my delight. Oh that I could become thus poor, 
 thus a child like Thee! Be silent, ye sages of the earth; I 
 wish to know nothing but to be all faith, to be resigned, to suf- 
 fer any thing, to lose and forsake all ; the Word made flesh, 
 now silent, now weeps like a child ; and shall I set up for being 
 wise, — shall I take complacency in my own schemes and sys- 
 tems? Shall I be afraid lest the world should not have a high 
 enough opinion of my capacity? No, no, — all my pleasure 
 shall be to decrease ; to become little and obscure, to live in 
 silence, to bear the reproach of Christ crucified, — and to add 
 to that, the simplicity of a little child.' 
 
 "Here, my honoured friend, is grandeur to which none of 
 the great ones of this world ever attained. Blessed be the 
 Lord, who hath been pleased to open, in any measure, your 
 eyes and mine, to behold such rich discoveries, and to taste 
 and long for such old and well refined wine. Here is solid 
 
 rock ; this is to inherit substance ; to have a hope full of glory. 
 
 * * * * *• * 
 
 ' I have so many things which I should love to communi- 
 cate, that I know not where to begin. But my obligation to 
 you, both for your own kindness, and that which you have, 
 with so much friendly elTort, procured me from others, claims 
 my first most sincere and affectionate acknowledgment. How 
 greatly 1 am indebted to you, would require a volume to de- 
 clare. Soon after your lamented departure. Lady S n, 
 
 wrote a most kind and condescendinp; letter, enclosinaj a munifi- 
 cent present for the supply of my need ; and never was I more 
 struck with the mark it bore of the love of my heavenly Fa- 
 ther's ever-watchful and providing care ; for my illness had in- 
 volved me in much expense, from the necessity for more than 
 usual medical help ; and this unexpected supply fi-om her lady- 
 ship, was most timely to meet and relieve my anxieties on that 
 account. 
 
 " Mrs. Y. and Mrs. F. kindly visit me now and then; but 
 many impediments lie in the way of my seeing them often. 1 
 am much delighted wiih Mrs. F., she seems a gem of the mildest 
 and sweetest lustre. J\Irs. P., whom I believe you know, is 
 my constant visitor; and. is going on well. Mr. C, Mr. B., 
 and some others, are, I am sorry to say, infected with the con- 
 tagion of the separatists, and have ceased to hear their re- 
 spective excellent ministers, Mr. \V.,and Mr. S., ' because they 
 do not preach the whole Gospel.' Alas ! alas! an enemy hath 
 done this! it is because they have seized a part, and embrace 
 
256 ME3I0IRS OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 not a wliole Gospel, that this mischief and danger arises. How 
 wise is our subtle adversary in opposing the truth ! ' Divide 
 and conquer' has ever been his successful maxim. I trust 
 however, that straying sheep, (if sheep they are,) will be 
 brought back again to the true fold : but it is grievous to think 
 how sadly they must be shorn by their wanderings. Mr. W. 
 stands like a rock amidst every contrary wave, and rears his 
 head stronger and higher as the advocate of truth and right- 
 eousness ; while his countenance shines with the rays which 
 the Sun of Righteousness sweetly sheds upon him. 
 
 *' I have reason, my dear madam, to know that you will be de- 
 sirous for me to say something more of my unworthy self. My 
 general health is much as usual, but my pain from local disease 
 increases, and must increase till it has done its work. When 
 the still drossy vessel is made fit for the Master's use, it will 
 be received into the blessed mansion prepared for it ; and till 
 then, I pray that faith and patience may increase and have 
 their perfect work ; and I hope I have the favour of your 
 prayers also. If 1 did not dislike and fear to speak of my im- 
 worthy self, I could say many things to testify the Lord's good- 
 ness to me, both in temporal and spiritual bestowments. It is 
 a source of great thankfulness that He is pleased to keep me 
 lying low at his sacred foot-stool, — and to make me more and 
 more assured that Mary's place with Mary's heart is the best 
 security for peace and happiness. We are never safe in soar- 
 ing high, unless we first prostrate ourselves in the very dust of 
 humiliation, and self-abasement. For myself, I covet to sink 
 that I may rise; — to dwell in the low valley; because from 
 thence the eye of faith gains the clearest views of unseen, eter- 
 nal, and ever-increasing brightness, — of eternal glory : in like 
 manner as it is said, the stars are perceived at mid-day to such 
 as descend into a deep mine. All exterior lights are unfavour- 
 able to that light which shines within. To shut up the ave- 
 nues of sense, and to keep wide open those by which are ad- 
 mitted the beams of ' saving splendour,' is the Christian's 
 highest wisdom and blessedness. Under this conviction, I 
 have been led to pray, that I may constantly have a quick, and 
 vivid perception of evil; that as the natural eye is exquisitely 
 sensible of the smallest particle by which it may be assailed, — 
 so I may be equally sensible of all sin, in every possible way 
 of its approach. But with this acute perception, and sensitive 
 consciousness, there must be a child-like simplicity, and a habit 
 of free access to Jesus the Mediator, and to the blood of sprink- 
 ling — which is our blessed privilege — or we shall soon fall in- 
 
CHAP. VII. — FROM A. D. 1812, TO 1817. 257 
 
 to legal bondage, or desponding fears. May this blessed privi- 
 len-e be yours, my most honoured and beloved friend, in its 
 fuflest abundance ! You are already given to know more than 
 you can utter of the ' love of Christ, which passeth knowledge;' 
 may more and more of such sweet streams be poured into your 
 soul, till your vessel be full and overflowing. Such narrow 
 vessels as ours, alas ! receive but little. O may we be emptied 
 of every thing, that there may be more room for Jesus to fill. 
 And may He every day enlarge our faith's capacity, and stretch 
 our narrow boundaries. Oh, what an expanse lies before us ! 
 how animating is the prospect ! How glorious is our inherit- 
 ance! 
 
 " It is, my ever dear madam, a great joy to feel that I am 
 united to you by the inseparable bonds of Christian love ; 
 united with you in one faith, one spirit, one hope of our call- 
 ing : and if separated in time, we shall meet again with incon- 
 ceTvable advantages in heaven ; and each acknowledge that 
 our past sorrows, trials, and variety of afilictions were indeed 
 but for a moment, and not worthy to be compared with the 
 glory which shall be revealed in us." 
 
 The friendship of that noble lady lo whose kindness Mrs. 
 Hawkes alludes in the foregoing letter, was continued ever 
 after. The following lines express the sentiments and feel- 
 ings entertained by Mrs. Hawkes with regard to such kind 
 notice. 
 
 " How totally different an effect is the mind sensible of, 
 when we receive kindness and honour from man, as man, — 
 and when we receive the same as from God through man. It 
 then changes its nature, and becomes the honour that cometh 
 from God. When we receive honour from man only, we are 
 soon puffed up with pride, self-conceit, haughtiness, super- 
 ciliousness, &c. But when we receive it from God, through 
 man, as His medium of bestowing it, the heart is humbled, 
 softened, ashamed,— and recollects, with deep self-abasement, 
 its utter unworlhiness,— its desert of chastisement rather than 
 favour ; its secret faults ; its base motives ; its sinful mixtures; 
 and esteems it too high an honour to be used as a peg on which 
 to hang up the garments of the house of the Lord.^ 
 
 1 Mrs. Hawkes may perhaps here refer to Isa. xxii. 22, 23, where in 
 illusion to the spikes, or large pegs, worked into the eastern waMs, on 
 which to disnose, and hang up various utensils, or garments,— Eliakira 
 22* 
 
258 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 "This I trust is, and ever will be, the effect upon my mind 
 and heart on being so kindly noticed by a noble lady, who is 
 pleased to lay me under deep obligations. 1 receive her con- 
 descending kindness as from the Lord, who 1 verily believe 
 has put it into her heart to favour me. 
 
 " How is every bestowment heightened, sweetened, se- 
 cured, — when received by faith ! " 
 
 On entering the year 1817, we meet with Mrs. Hawkes's 
 usual memorial of past mercies, accompanied by a renewed 
 instance of religious watchfulness, in improving the beginning 
 of a new year: — 
 
 Jan. 1817. — " Another year is gone ! and closed, blessed 
 be God, with lively sentiments and feelings of humiliation, 
 wonder and thankfulness. A volume would not contain the 
 delineation of this year's favoured experience. May gratitude, 
 and devotedness to God, shew fort the praise that is due unto 
 his holy name ! The setting sun of the last year, left my 
 horizon tinged with the lustre of past beams of goodness, and 
 tender mercies, — both temporal and spiritual. The sun of the 
 new year rises with invigorating beams of hope and peace ; 
 with renewed trust in the God of all my mercies; together 
 with importunity for all-sufficient grace to improve it better ; — 
 to walk more humbly with God, and thereby to glorify his 
 holy name; and to stand prepared for the execution of the 
 sentence already passed ; — ' Thou shalt die, and not live.' 
 
 " Happy, happy, is that soul that is united to Christ, and 
 made to alDide in Him as the branch abideth in the vine ! ' My 
 sun,' may every such one say, ' goeth not down, but shineth 
 more and more unto the perfect day.' Oh, that men would 
 fear the Lord, and call upon his holy name !" 
 
 In the same strain of favoured Christian experience, Mrs. 
 Hawkes writes, at this time, to her friend Mrs. C tt : — 
 
 " May every day of this new year begin, and end, with the 
 healing beams of the Sun of Righteousness, shining forth, 
 
 is compared to a principal stake, or support of this sort. " The words 
 of the wise" are also compared in ecclesiastes xii. 11, to "nails 
 fastened by the masters of aasembhcs," or as means to establish the heart, 
 and confirm good resolutions. See also Ezra ix. 8. — and Zeeh. x. 
 4,— Ed. 
 
CHAP. VII. FROM A. D. 1812 to 1817. 259 
 
 and sweetly resting on the soul of my valued and beloved 
 friend, and on that of her unworthy correspondent ! May 
 every morning begin with prayer, praise, recollection, and 
 watchful diligence ! and every evening close in the possession 
 of faith, patience, and that peace which flows from pardoning 
 mercy and love. And may we be very careful to reflect that 
 glorious light by which alone we have light: — that, as chil- 
 dren of light, we may glorify our Father which is in heaven. 
 
 " How greatly should I love to have my dearest friend seated 
 by my side at the entrance of this new year ; — that we might, 
 with united hearts, bless the Lord for all his benefits, and 
 kneel together before Him in deep humiliation, and tender 
 contrition of heart; confessing our manifold wanderings, negli- 
 gences, corruptions, and total unworthiness. 1 know in what 
 manner you would unite with me in saying, ' unto Thee, O 
 Lord, belongeth righteousness, but unto us confusion of face.' 
 Yet, blessed be his name, our fresh springs are in Him. Let 
 us therefore begin this year with lively hope, and an unlimted 
 confidence in his all-sufHcient grace ; and let His sacred words, 
 ' abide in me,' be our motto. 
 
 "The present symptoms of my complaint forbid me to look 
 beyond the day; and I desire to follow the example of one, 
 who had obtained the habit of dying daily ; — for this I find is 
 the secret of daily living in peace and happiness. Life is never 
 so truly sweet, as when we arc every day ready to depart, and 
 longing to depart. 
 
 " Your path and mine, my loved one, is very different ; and 
 I am sure you will not accuse me of arrogance, if I count, that 
 mine has the advantage of yours, — notwithstanding all my 
 privations and sufferings. * * * * But He who made 
 us, and who in stupendous mercy has called us as his sheep, 
 has appointed your lot and mine ; and, in His wise disposal, 
 given it to be ours, in preference to all others which he could, 
 as easily, have chosen for us. We therefore should not even 
 wish it were otherwise than what it is ; nor could we exchange 
 it without loss. Each of us has a 'crook in the lot:' but a 
 sanctified crook, shall prove an indescribable blessing. Mine 
 has been a path of peculiar humiliation ; which has turned out 
 to be a way of peculiar peace and comfort to my soul. I am 
 now nearly deprived of the public means of grace, through ina- 
 bility to go out. This is very grievous to me ; but my race 
 is almost run, and I trust soon to remove to that blessed place, 
 of which it is said, ' And the Lamb is the lii^ht thereof.' You 
 
260 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES 
 
 and I shall still go on mourning over the deadness, wander- 
 ings, and defects, of which we can but be sensible : — but 1 am 
 glad to find, that you are not discouraged thereby ; for although 
 we should be humbled, yet we need not be cast down ; since 
 we have a merciful High Priest, who is touched with a feeling 
 of our infirmities. The consideration of the Divine sympathy- 
 is often consoling to my mind and heart. To have a friend 
 with us who feels for us, is always a source of comfort; our 
 blessed Saviour is a friend always present, and beyond all 
 others, good. 
 
 « Why I speak of my path as having the advantage of yours, 
 is chiefly because of my retirement from all worldly concerns, 
 and company. 1 do not feel as if I could meet either one or 
 the other : but then yours is a more honourable post, — inas- 
 much, as it is more difficult. Yours is the path of duty, and 
 therefore it must be safe and beneficial. Your heart is dis- 
 united from these things; and that which is our cross, is sel- 
 dom our snare. You say very truly, ' It is not so much the 
 vicious, as the worldly-minded character, which we have most 
 to fear. It is with persons morally good and amiable, and 
 when engaged in lawful pursuits, that we are apt to doze upon 
 our watch-tower; — and when we remit our vigilance, the ene- 
 my is more than at the door. Next to the special hand of di- 
 vine grace, our safety seems to consist in close walking with 
 God. Christianity has a surrounding atmosphere, peculiarly 
 its own ; a pure and delightful element, in which, the true 
 christian lives and breathes freely : — and we should endeavour, 
 in all circumstances, to preserve this surrounding grace. Like 
 strangers in a strange country, we should fulfil our passing 
 offices, and shew ourselves amiable strangers ; — though feel- 
 ino-, that we cannot be understood by, nor have affinity with 
 the world. We should also bo careful, to keep alive a scrip- 
 tural and spiritual discernment; — a quick perception, that sees 
 the slicrhtest evil, even in its approach ; — so as to detect with 
 the quickness of the eye, every contrary principle and senti- 
 ment, — however disguised by a fair appearance. I mean, we 
 should detect it for our own use and preservation. 
 
 " Let us, my dear friend, in setting out on this year, pray 
 that we may walk by faith, and not by sight : for faith, as one 
 says, is an Ithuriel's spear, which, by one touch, makes every 
 thing assume its right shape and colour, showing its value and 
 duration. Let us keep up the gospel standard ; and where we 
 cannot come up to it, yet never attempt any lowering, but 
 
CHAP. VII. — FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 261 
 
 press towards it with unabating ardour: — still putting our 
 whole trust in Christ, without whom, we can do nothing: and 
 who, in all cases says, ' My grace is sufficient for thee.' " 
 
 In the month of February, 1817, iMrs. Hawkes thus ad- 
 dresses a friend of her early years, who had lately engaged in 
 a school : — 
 
 "I have, for a long time, wished to write to my beloved 
 friend, and it would be taking up too much time and paper, to 
 tell her the various causes that have, hitherto, prevented my 
 having this pleasure, — for a pleasure it will ever be, to commu- 
 nicate with one, who lives in my heart as my daughter, my 
 sister, and my friend; and in whose joys and sorrows, I must 
 ever participate with the most lively interest and feeling. I do 
 indeed, as you suppose, love to hear how you are going on; — 
 and unite with you in sincere thankfulness, that the Lord is 
 pleased to appear on your behalf, and gradually to disperse 
 that long continued, and dark cloud, which has overshadowed 
 you. When He sees you are able to bear ii, He will shine 
 with fuller beams of prosperity, and give you all that success, 
 and advantage, in your present undertaking, which you are 
 entitled to hope for, in submission to his holy will. But there 
 must be time for faith and patience to have their proper work : 
 too strong a tide of prosperity might quite carry away your 
 newly-launched vessel. He who has infinite wisdom, knows 
 what ballast we want, as well as what fair wind to spread our 
 sails, — and his love will undertake both for the one and the 
 other ; and so temper them together, that we may not be 
 stranded on the heavy sands of despondency, nor be driven 
 away by too strong a galo of apparent prosperity. Let us 
 adore our heavenly Father for his merciful and wise dispensa- 
 tions towards us; and let us pray with sincerity of heart, that 
 he will neither take away those trials which are designed to 
 drive us to Him, — nor give us those possessions which would, 
 in any measure, draw aside our hearts from Him. Lawful 
 occupations and engagements, very imperceptibly, wind them- 
 selves into our minds, engross our thoughts, and take up that 
 space in our scanty vessels, which should be filled with better 
 things. It is from hurful things that we are most in danger ; 
 other things we are careful not to admit: but our necessary 
 callings must be followed, and ought to be followed with dili- 
 gence, taking care to preserve also, fervency of spirit in serving 
 the Lord. I well know the snare, and the difiiculties which 
 
262 ME3I0IRS or mrs. hawkes. 
 
 often occur ; and lam rejoiced that you have not now to learn 
 the only method of help and safety, namely, a simple and 
 child-like dependence on Christ, from moment to moment, for 
 grace suited to every exigency. 
 
 " This you and I, my dear friend, know to be, (as far as 
 we have learned it) a high and important secret, which is im- 
 parted only to such as count every thing else in comparison 
 but as dung and dross. Let us pray for a quick perception of 
 every rising cloud, or interposing fog, that may form a veil to 
 intercept the healing beams of the Sun of Righteousness from 
 our souls; — a very short withdrawment will soon cause us to 
 droop and wither. We may be unconscious of it, until, like 
 Samson, we go out to shake ourselves, and find our strength 
 departed. 
 
 " 1 know not why my pen runs on this strain, except, be- 
 cause my mind is much in the contemplation of this subject, 
 — and that as I am incessantly called out in religious conver- 
 sation by my numerous visitors who come to me for this pur- 
 pose, I am daily led to pray, ' O Lord grant that I may not be 
 a sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal.' Let me not have 
 only the 'name to live;' — let not my tongue utter the secret 
 things of the most High, without a corresponding feeling of 
 holy reverential fear in my heart. 
 
 " Give my love to Miss , and tell her she must learn of 
 
 you the necessity, beauty, and advantage, of decision of char- 
 acter. In every thing it gives the stamp of superiority : — but 
 in religion, it is connected with its very life. 
 
 " I have been very sadly of late in my complaint ;• — through 
 mercy, all is well in other matters, and I could tell you a long 
 list of mercies, had I time. The Lord is a refuge in trouble ; 
 — so you know; and so also knoweth, 
 
 " Your affectionate, " S. H." 
 
 In the early part of the summer, Mrs. Hawkes had an at- 
 tack of nervous and bilious fever, which was followed by a se- 
 rious increase of her former debility. For the sake of change 
 of air, she removed to Clapham, and passed two or three 
 months in the house of a widow lady, who became much at- 
 tached to her, both as a friend, and as a helper in her spiritual 
 concerns. A private paper written by Mrs. Hawkes on re- 
 moving to Clapham, shows how entirely she desired to live to 
 the glory of God, and the good of her fellow creatures ; — 
 
 Clapham, June 1S17. — "In every change of place, the 
 
CHAP. VII FROM A. D. 1812 TO 1817. 263 
 
 christian, however obscure, feeble, and insignificant, has a 
 o-reat work to perform. lie has to keep himself through grace, 
 ' in the fear of the Lord all the day long,' and ' unspotted 
 from the world.' He has to shew forth the praise of God, not 
 only with his lips, but in his life. He has to seize every op- 
 portunity to lend a helping band to others ; to be on the watch 
 for every fit occasion, to spread forth the savour and know- 
 ledge of that sacred name, which is as ' ointment poured forth ;' 
 and he has to ' watch and pray,' that he may do all this wise- 
 ly, humblv, simply, dependently, faithfully, reverentially, and 
 vvith singleness of eye. Is not this a great work 1 too great 
 for human power; yet possible, through all-sufficient grace. 
 Lord, vouchsafe thy grace to me, a helpless worm !" 
 
 From this place in the month of August, Mrs. Hawkes writes 
 to her valued iriend, Mrs. F., as follows: — 
 
 " I am better since my stay in this place, yet still suffering 
 much, and encompassed with many infirmities. The old ten- 
 ement totters more and more, and will be taken down at the 
 appointed time. Through mercy, I am enabled to look for- 
 ward to that solemn period, with a calm and pleasing expecta- 
 tion. I should fill several sheets, were I to give my beloved 
 friend a history of the loving-kindness of the Lord to me in 
 every way ; and I desire only that my lips and life may show 
 forth his praise. I never felt more deeply sensible of my own 
 vileness and insufficiency ; but I do hope I am learning some- 
 thing of that high lesson, which the blessed apostle had at- 
 tained so perfectly, when he said, ' When I am weak, then am I 
 strong.' How infinitely precious is Christ to the soul that feels 
 its poverty and need! And fully does he satisfy and fill the 
 hungry vvith good things." 
 
 About the same time, Mrs. Hawkes addresses her friend, 
 Mrs. C tt, as follows: — 
 
 " I am thankful to have found some benefit by my removal 
 to Clapham. I am much struck v/ith the combination of ad- 
 vantages and disadvantages, that is found in every change of 
 place and circumstances. No doubt, had we to choose our 
 own lot, we should cull all the sweets, and leave out all the 
 bitters ; and thereby make ourselves a nest, in which if left to 
 ourselves, we should moulder and decay in all our best faculties 
 and pursuits ; for we cannot be trusted with much case or rest. 
 
264 MEMOIKS OF MR3. HAWKES. 
 
 How happy for us that we are not permitted thus to choose for 
 ourselves ! and that He undertakes for us, who knows what i^ 
 in us ; and who, with one comprehensive view, takes in every 
 event and consequence of most minute changes. We are so 
 short-sighted, that we can see but very htttIe1)eyond the pres- 
 ent time. We are too apt to make ourselves our own centre ; 
 forgetting, that we are placed in the scale of human beings for 
 a lar higher purpose than the mere enjoyment of our natural 
 life; and that all our sufferings here are for designs far higher 
 than such as are merely personal : namely, the° glorifying of 
 our Father which is heaven; and the contri'buting, in any way 
 in which he shall be pleased to make use of us, to the good of 
 our fellow creatures. It is often a support to me under my 
 pain and languid oppression, to contemplate not only the puri- 
 fying and blessed effects of affliction in my own soul, but also 
 the ways in which God will glorify himself by the meanest of 
 his creatures, and make use of them for his own divine purpo- 
 ses : causing the sufferings of the most obscure individual to 
 work in with, and form a part of, his comprehensive and gra- 
 cious designs. I desire earnestly a more simple and entire 
 surrender of myself, to be anything or nothing, as He shall 
 see best. To glorify God, is the first object at which we should 
 aim. But, alas ! how often do I fall short of my desire, in this, 
 and every other point of practical Christianity. At the close 
 of every day, when I review what has been done for God, for 
 my own soul, and for the good of others, I am forced with shame 
 to write, wanting, tvanting ! And, but for that finished sal= 
 vation which is all my security and hope, I should lay down 
 my head on my pillow with feelings of deep despondency. How 
 blessed are those arrurances in the sacred Scriptures, that we 
 have an advocate with the Father! that there is no condemna- 
 tion to them who are in Christ Jesus! to them who, notwith- 
 standing a host of infirmities and deficiencies, « walk not after 
 the flesh, but after the Spirit,' having their spotted garments 
 washed white again, by continually making fresh applicatio\i 
 to the blood of sprinkling." 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 HER RESIDENCE AT QUEEN'S ROW, PENTONVILLE. 
 
 FROX A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 
 
 Reflections on her removal — Heavenly savour of the correspondence be- 
 tween Mrs. Hawkes and Mrs. Jones — Advancing spirituality of iMrs. 
 
 Hawkes's mind — Her study of the Scriptures — Letter to Mrs. C tt 
 
 on forgiveness of injuries — Cliristmas-day — Meditations on death — 
 Letters on the subject — Death of Mrs. Jones — Letters to various 
 friends on the frceness of Divine grace — Death of Mrs. Mynors — At- 
 tack of nervous depression — Letter on the subject — Visit to Highgate 
 — Close of the year 1827, and opening of 1828 — Anxieties respecting 
 new apartments — Reasons for remaining near London — Letter to a 
 Clergyman on new speculations in religion. 
 
 In the month of October, Mrs. Hawkes left Clapham, and 
 went to reside at Queen's Row, Pentonville. Soon after her 
 removal, she writes in her diary as follows : — 
 
 Queen's Row, Oct. 5, 1817 " Pilgrim-like, I have this day 
 
 entered into another tent, to which, i trust I have been di- 
 rected by a gracious and kind Providence, in answer to my 
 prayers. These changes are painful and agitating to me in my 
 diseased and feeble stale. But I shall soon give over dwelling 
 in tents, and remove to an habitation ' not made with hands, 
 eternal in the heavens.' For the present, that blessed word of 
 promise is given me, together with faith to rest upon it as sure, 
 * I will be with thee whithersoever thou goest.' I ask no 
 more. The presence of the Lord secures every blessing that 
 is essential to real comfort. I shall have trials; but under all, 
 this gracious promise is sure, 'Thou wilt keep him in perfect 
 peace, whose mind is stayed on thee." 
 
 In a letter to her valued friend, Mrs. Y , who was at 
 
 this time called from home to visit a sick child in Scotland, 
 Mrs. Hawkes expresses sentiments similar to the above, as 
 follows: — 
 
 " I trust that encouraging promise, ' I will be with thee 
 whithersoever thou goest,' which has of late been made very 
 sweet to me, will, if it please Him, be fuliilled aUo in your 
 23 
 
266 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 experience. He will ever be with you, and with every one 
 whose heart he has touched with his converting grace, and re- 
 deeming love. But our faith is not always strong and lively 
 enough to realize his heavenly presence. Like as the natural 
 sun niay be obscured from our view by some passing cloud, so 
 may the comforting rays of the Sun of Righteousness be for 
 a time obscured by some mental cloud, through which our 
 faith is unable to penetrate; and then w^e soon begin to fear, 
 and say, 'My beloved has withdrawn himself.' 'To the law 
 and to the testimony' therefore will we turn, rather than to 
 sense and feeling; and, under the darkest cloud, rest upon his 
 blessed word of promise, ' I will never leave thee nor forsake 
 thee.' It is in order to produce, or rather to exercise, this sta- 
 bility of faith, that we are suffered sometimes to walk in dark- 
 ness. Every true Christian has his winter and his summer 
 seasons. It is only in that blessed country, towards which we 
 are hastening, that there is one unclouded day. With respect 
 to myself, I have reason to bless the Lord for the storm as well 
 as the calm. That is best for the soul which keeps it low at 
 the foot of the cross, loathing itself, and trusting only in Jesus ; 
 sinking before him, in order to rise in him, who is our righteous- 
 ness and strength." 
 
 The correspondence between Mrs. Hawkes and Mrs. Jones, 
 which had ever been spiritual and edifying, partook of a more 
 heavenly savour as the latter aged saint drew near the end of 
 her Christian course. The delight which these sisters took in 
 talking of the country whither they were going, was like that 
 of Christian and Hopeful, when they had gained the land of 
 Beulah ; and when drawing near to the end of their journey, 
 they had a more perfect view of the Celestial city. Confined 
 at home by age and infirmity, Mrs. Jones writes: — 
 
 "Oh that I could sit by the side of m.y beloved sister, and 
 talk of ihe glory we expect on the other side of Jordan ! We 
 are not looking at a land which we may, or may not, reach; 
 but our hopes are sure and certain, of a land that is not far 
 off. We are upon the borders, and in daily expectations of a 
 messenger to convey us over; and we have a friend ever 
 present, who has engaged to go with us all the way through. 
 Oh ! the multitude of weary pilgrims that are groaning in their 
 way ! but everlasting rest sounds sweetly in their ears. * 
 
 * * * * If I should be favoured with sudden 
 death, look at me in a better world with Christ in God ; and 
 
CIIA1>. VIII.— FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 267 
 
 suffer not your mind to dwell upon the clay tenement. Christ 
 is mine, and I am his; and to see him as he is, is far helter 
 than to dwell in this dark abode. * * *- 
 
 Tell me of the supports given you by the Lord in your afflic- 
 tions. May the Holy Spirit abundantly supply you vviih the 
 riches of your inheritance, and with still further views of the 
 glory which shall be shortly revealed : or if your faith is tried, 
 may you be able to say with your suffering Saviour, ' Thy 
 will be done.' " 
 
 In language of not less animated Christian hope, Mrs. 
 Hawkes replies: — 
 
 " Although my sufferings increase, yet, blessed be God, he 
 makeih my consolations in himself to increase also ; and I 
 humbly hope I may say, from favoured experience, I do feel 
 they are now working together for my good. I endeavour 
 to cry with earnestness, that I may be ' strengthened with all 
 might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and 
 long-suffering, with joy fulness.' What a progression ! The 
 common ills and occurrences of life need ' patience :' but these, 
 increased by peculiar and long-continued afflictions, call for 
 ' long-suffering.' And what is the top-stone 1 ' Joy fulness ! ' 
 And how is this to be obtained? ' By his glorious power,' 
 giving strength according to our day. ' With all might.' 
 What does that mean ? We shall know ' if we follow on to 
 know the Lord.' When I read the glorious truths of the gos- 
 pel, my mind is overwhelmed with their richness and fulness; 
 and I cannot help stopping at every one, and using the words 
 of that departed saint, Mr. Foster,^ ' What does that mean, — 
 and what does that mean!' Lord! teach me by thy Holy 
 Spirit what thou meanest. Take all impediments to my learn- 
 ing out of the way; all ignorance, error, unbelief, conceit, and 
 vain imaginations; and fill this poor, feeble, dark mind, with 
 thy light^ Let not the eyes of my understanding be confined 
 within any boundaries of time and sense: let them not be 
 drawn down to means and creatures, to second causes, and 
 human contingencies; but fix tliem abidingly on thyself, the 
 great First cause, the Governor of heaven and earth ; the in- 
 visible, eternal, ever-present God and Father of our Lord Jesus 
 Christ, in whom I live, and move, and have my being. Am 
 
 The Kev. Henry Foster, minister of Clerkcnwell. 
 
268 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 I afflicted? It is a Father's gentle correcting hand. Am I 
 in want ? He knoweth it, and says, ' The world is mine, and 
 the fulness thereof.' Am 1 in the valley of humiliation? There 
 grows the lily of the valley ; and there, blessed be the God of 
 all grace, have I found that Lily, and derive thence such in- 
 vigorating sweetness, as none but myself can know. Would 
 I exchange my pain, my restless nights, nay, even my some- 
 times heart-sinkings, with the alternative of losing these 
 heavenly bestowments ? No ! not to be made empress of the 
 world. These are but means of pulling down the walls of the 
 prison-house, from whence the captive spirit shall soon wing 
 its way to those realms of bliss, which it is now exploring with 
 feeble faith, and strong desire. 1 need not say, O my dear 
 sister, fix your eyes there, — for there they are fixed ; and there 
 we shall shortly meet, to smile at our poor, narrow concep- 
 tions of that glory which it has not entered into the heart of 
 man to conceive." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes seems, at this period, to have been peculiarly 
 favoured in her Christian experience. Long exercised in the 
 school of adversity, she now began to realize, in a larger de- 
 gree, those '• peaceable fruits of righteousness," which are the 
 effect of sanctified affliction. Her growth in humility, resigna- 
 tion, and acquiescence in the Divine will, was more and more 
 apparent. There was also afforded her, great comfort and en- 
 largement, in reading the Holy Scriptures; in the diligent 
 study of which she found increasing delight. 
 
 In a letter to her beloved friend, Mrs, F., she says: — 
 
 " So infinite rich and full are the blessed promises, that when 
 reading the Scriptures, I stop, like one overwhelmed with daz- 
 zling brightness, and can only say, What is the meaning of 
 such words as these! I long to break my prison walls, that I 
 may go and see. I have been more than usually unwell of 
 late; and I think some chasms are made which enable me to 
 catch a farther glimpse, for I can call it no more, of that glory 
 which is reserved for all who love the Lord in sincerity." 
 
 In a letter to Mrs. Jones, speaking on the comfort derived 
 from the study of the Scriptures, JMrs. Hawkes writes as fol- 
 lows : — 
 
 " How truly reviving and refreshing is it when the blessed 
 
CHAP, VIII. — FROM A. D. 1817 TO 18:28. 2G9 
 
 Spirit gives us power to take God's own words, and plead them 
 at his footstool with a melting, depending, expectant licart. 
 Truly can I say with the Psalmist, 'I had utterly fainted but 
 for hope in thy word.' Yet how weak is my faith ! how nar- 
 row and low the capac-ity of fully crediting all that the Lord 
 hath spoken ! 1 am grieved to find that, on many occasions, 
 a sort of secret practical infidelity remains in my heart, when 
 providences seem to go contrary the one to the other. I hate 
 and loathe this too ready unbelief, which however is not, I hope, 
 the prevailing cast of my mind ; on the contrary, I have of 
 late been led to a more full delight in, and hold of, those Scrip- 
 tures that set forth the love of Christ ; and often in the sharpest 
 sufferings, my soul can, and does, rejoice in God my Saviour. 
 I have not been out of my apartments for four or five months; 
 my heart longs to go again to the sanctuary, to worship in the 
 assembly of the saints. But [ have no cause of complaint ex- 
 cept against myself; for sweet, full, and refreshing, are the 
 streams of living water, of which it is given me to drink : and, 
 through condescending love, I am often led into green pastures 
 by Hun who is ' I\ly Shepherd,' and my * All in all.' 'My 
 sheep hear my voice,' saith [le ; and truly sweet is his voice ; 
 1 would listen to no other. ' Thou art the thing which I long 
 for.' Thou art my delight v/hen other delights tail." 
 
 Some who were more intimately acquainted with Mrs. 
 Hawkes's continued and complicated afllictions, than with the 
 sources of her peace and joy, were astonished, and almost 
 stumbled, at her remarkable cheerfulness and serenity : as 
 though it implied some degree of either apathy or stoicism. 
 In the memorandum which marks the commencement of the 
 year 1818, Mrs. Hawkes alludes, in a feeling manner, to this 
 subject : — 
 
 Jan. 1818 Some of my acquaintance are ready to reflect 
 
 upon me, because I can feel so cheerful and so happy, circum- 
 stanced as 1 am in a certain relative poini of view. And well 
 they might reflect, and censure also, if I had anij joy but what 
 Cometh from God. In the Lord, in his word, his ordinances, 
 his providence, his grace, and in his children, — is all my de- 
 light ; and in these I, in a measure, lose my griefs. Blessed 
 be his name. He has chosen me for himself, and given me 
 grace to choose him, and give myself to him ; and I am satis- 
 fied and rejoiced; his name, and his word, are 'the rejoicing 
 of my heart.' 
 23* 
 
270 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " The God of all mercy and grace has, in the last two years, 
 condescended in an especial manner to be very nigh unto my 
 soul: and to draw me, with the cords of his love, into a nearer 
 union and intercourse with himself. My heart is so won by 
 his grace, that it knows not how to bear his absence, wlien he 
 withdraws himself: and my cry is, and ever shall be, when I 
 cannot see him, ' Return I thou fairest among ten thousand.' 
 At the same time, the manifestations of his grace and goodness 
 are attended by such discoveries of my wretched heart, and 
 depraved nature, — of my past sins, and present vileness, — that 
 my sorrow and shame are equal to my hope and joy. At the 
 foot of the blessed cross these different feelings are called forth, 
 and sweetly blend and harmonize. There J learn to under- 
 stand in some degree that Christian paradox, 'As sorrowful, 
 yet always rejoicing.' 
 
 " In the hours of delightful pursuit and enjoyment of hea- 
 venly things, I endeavour to bear in mind that 1 am greatly 
 helped therein by quiet, leisure, and by the absence of those 
 temptations which health, society, and occupation might pre- 
 sent ; and which would form occasions to draw forth the latent 
 evils of my still corrupt heart, and partially-renewed nature. 
 If these evils are not, as formerly, putting forth their hideous 
 heads, it arises not from their extirpation; it is not because I 
 am more holy than others, — not because I have 'already at- 
 tained,' — but it arises, in part, because the flint and steel do 
 not come into collision ; because the spark does not fall on the 
 tinder. I would therefore lie low as a sinner; I would not 
 open my mouth to boast, censure, or complain ; I would be 
 aware of my danger; 1 would search, and watch over, my de- 
 ceitful heart; I would bless the Lord for weaning, separating 
 afflictions; I would esteem myself happy that every string is 
 cut that would tie me to earth, and that every charm is broken." 
 
 In a letter to Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Hawkes further describes 
 the grounds of her constant peace and joy, as connected with 
 the assurance of faith, and an entire acquiescence in the Divine 
 will. She writes as follows : — 
 
 " Language is too weak to express the peace that I expe- 
 rience, in knowing whom I have believed, and in being fully as- 
 sured, 'that he will keep that which I have committed to Him 
 unto that day.' Unto Him do I by the hel[) of his grace, com- 
 mit myself, in pain and ease ; — in suffering, whether it be short 
 or long; — in life and in death. He gives me such reviving 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 271 
 
 consolations as fill mc with wonder, praise and humiliation ; and 
 supports and comforts mc with one hand, while he gently lays 
 his Fatherly rod upon me with the other. ' Bless the Lord, O 
 my soul ; and all that is within me, bless his holy name.' How 
 delightful will the haven he after these rough winds! But, ' He 
 stayeth his rough wind in the day of his east wind, and in 
 measure when it shooteth forth. He debatcth with it.' He who 
 is pleased to prolong such a poor life, knows why He prolongs 
 it; and all he does is right and best. I often exclaim, 'Lord, 
 what wait I for?' Because it is His will, is a sufiicient an- 
 swer; and because there is so much remaining dross and tin, 
 — is a sufficient explanation. Ah ! you are sadly mistaken in 
 supposing that I am making anything like a speedy advance 
 toward self-annihilation. 1 am every day making discoveries 
 of the subtle enlwinings of selfishness in every word, thought, 
 and act. I perceive that self will steal in, and mix up some 
 of its poisonous essence in my befet moments, best desires, and 
 best efl!brts. I have been thinking lately, that the great end 
 and object of all 1 would ask and desire, is, that I may be 
 changed from the image of the earthly to ih.c heavenly ; — that 
 I may glorify my Father which is in heaven ; — and that I may 
 lend a helping hand to my fellow Christians : — this end has 
 not been ke[)t in view, as il ought, with singleness of eye to 
 exalt Christ, that He may be exhibited and set forth. No! 
 self has had an insidious and hidden plea, in some way or other ; 
 and now I see and feel, (I trust with humiliation,) the tinsel, 
 the tinsel! instead of the gold in all my best doings. Self-an- 
 nihilation of the true sort, would be a transformation indeed 
 for a creature all alive to sensitive feelings, to experience. De- 
 lightfully as some of the mystics have spoken and written upon 
 the subi(3ct, it strikes me, that they did not with the same avidi- 
 ty seize, like St. Paul, every occasion to bring to view, the un- 
 searchable richesof Christ :' self, and sc//', was more frequent- 
 ly the topic. 1 wish to he the better taught in the Divine les- 
 son. I think I have been enabled, of late, to read the Scrip- 
 tures with some profit, and with a more fixed desire Mo sec 
 the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ ;' — to behold more 
 of the Divine perfections as therein revealed ; — and to catch, as 
 it were, a glimpse of some more distinct feature, — some more 
 fixed view of those sacred lineamimts of ihc Divine character, 
 which though we cannot comprehend, it so much concerns us 
 to know. This I find gives great additional interest to read- 
 ing the Scriptures. If 1 do not fully ccnvey my meaning, you 
 will find it expressed for me, 2 Cor. iii. 18. Well ! lot us ex- 
 
272 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 ercise faith and patience a very little longer, and then we shall 
 have full discoveries of his glory; for we shall see Him as 
 He is. ' Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly!'" 
 
 On the subject of reading the Holy Scriptures, Mrs. Hawkes 
 writes to a young friend as follows: — 
 
 «' I have not time to say all I intended on the subject of 
 reading the Bible. The best description of my views which I 
 can give at present, is that we should not only read in order 
 to know what we should he, and do, as real Christians; — nor 
 only to know what God has done, and will do, in the relation in 
 which He stands to us as his creatures, and particularly as his 
 children : — but the Scripture is a glass wherein He has in a most 
 glorious manner, given us a relation of Himself, — of His perfec- 
 tions, — of His infinite eternity of being; we should therefore, 
 at seasons delight ourselves with tracing out the different fea- 
 tures of His glorious IMajesly. In thus reverently studying the 
 Divine character, our minds will obtain larger apprehensions 
 of the various perfections of God ; and the discoveries which 
 the Holy Spirit will help us to make, will cause our hearts to 
 burn within us; our faith, love, and confidence will be increased, 
 and a fresh interest will be given to every thing we see ; be- 
 cause we shall trace every thing vpumrcls, ' here I see the 
 touch of His hand.' The more we behold of Deity, the lower 
 we shall sink in humility and self-abasement; and selfishness, 
 hateful, narrow selfis^hness, will be lost. 
 
 " What I have found to be my stay through every dark and 
 dismal cogitation is, to get my memory stored with Scripture. 
 When thoughts rush in, I do not parly with them, but instant- 
 ly read or repeat, some verses of the precious Bible, where I 
 always find an answer for every thing. I do indeed, through 
 the help of the blessed Spirit, find the Scripture to be a sacred 
 exorcist, that soon puts a legion of fears and miseries to flight; 
 mightily pulling down the strong holds of sin and Satan ; * cast- 
 ing down imaginations,' and every rebellious thought; and 
 when mixed with prayer and appropriating faith, effectual to 
 perfect, establish, and settle the soul in peace. Every passage 
 I read, and meditate upon, furnishes so many distinct topics 
 for prayer. This I do find to be the secret that obliterates the 
 power and being of second causes; this fills up every aching 
 void in the solitary heart; this turns every wilderness into a 
 pleasant garden ; unravels all dark problems : and teaches us 
 to be good arithmeticians, and ' to reckon, that the sufferings 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817, TO 1828. 273 
 
 of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the 
 glory which shall be revealed in us.' 
 
 " Oh ! the wonderful power of heart piety, and the wonder- 
 ful peace also! How does walking with God like Enoch, ele- 
 vate, expand, enrich, ennoble, compose and regulate the mind! 
 How much interest does it give to every hour, every moment 
 of the day ! There is no aching void, no yawning vacuum, no 
 tedious ennui, in the Ziui/t^ Christian's life. All is pursuit, ad- 
 vancement, possession. Every object is sublime, — animating, 
 filling, — eternal. How sweet to begin each day with, ' Lord 
 Jesus, into thy hands 1 commit my spirit,' my body, my 
 thoughts, my words and actions. Peace and communion with 
 God is given, as the apostle says, 'at all times, and by all 
 means.' Every event and occurrence may be made a means 
 in the hand of the Holy Spirit, of promoting our peace. May 
 the blessed God, and our Saviour, keep tl-ee, my God-daughter, 
 as the apple of his eye ! 
 
 " Prays vour affectionate, 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 The following reflections were written by Mrs. Hawkes, up- 
 on a remark made to iier in the course of religious conversa- 
 tion : — 
 
 «' < I have no pleasure in reading the Bible,' said one to me 
 to-day : — not an unbeliever, but one well instructed in the gos- 
 pel, and an able defender of its leading doctrines. How is 
 this? The belief goes no further than the 7m(iers^a«(/in^. (See 
 Dr. Owen on the work of the Spirit.) 
 
 " When religion exists in the mind as a bare speculation, no 
 wonder it is considered dry and dreary ; and when the truths 
 of the Bible are believed and studied as abstract theorems only, 
 no wonder that the attention they call for is considered a hard 
 demand, and a sad necessity. But when the Scriptures are 
 believed, and received into llie heart, \hen are they felt to teem 
 with life and interest ; and when religion engages and occupies 
 every power and faculty that we possess, — it gives interest to 
 life; and delight, unknown before, enters into every object and 
 pursuit we undertake, — into every relation in which we stand, 
 — and every passing day becomes full of project and event. 
 
 " A strong moral sense, and a conscience cnliohtened by 
 revelation, may enable a thinking, reflecting, investigating 
 mind, to discover mnny evils of the heart and nature, which 
 are unperceived by others, — who still think the character good. 
 
274 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 But dL feeling sense of these evils, accompanied by penitential 
 sorrow, true humiliation of spirit, and hatred of all sin, can 
 only be obtained by the sanctifying influences of the Holy Spirit. 
 Repentance springs from faith ; we know the evil of sin by 
 faith, as well as its remedy. In short, we know nothing of 
 God, — of the eternal world, — of ourselves, — of the state of 
 the present world, but by faith in the revelation of the Scrip- 
 tures. Read me not, therefore, lectures on morality, and on 
 the power that is left in man to obtain virtue and holiness by 
 his own efforts, and to hate evil from its own deformity : — ' To 
 the law and to the testimony.' ^ 
 
 " ' Behold I am vile — I abhor myself — and put my mouth 
 in the dust' — must be the feeling of the nev/ creature. What 
 is the criterion of this feeling as to its reality ? — not words ; — 
 not tender meltings, however precious; — not low and weeping 
 frames; — but, lov.'liness of mind, — meekness of spirit, — pa- 
 tience of injuries, — thankfulness for reproof, — forgiveness of 
 unkindness and wrong, — a willingness to be lightly esteemed, 
 — a total ceasing from the desire or pursuit of the honour that 
 Cometh from man, — a readiness to lay the body to be walked 
 over as the dirt in the streets (Isa. li. 23.) It is the conduct 
 that gives the best evidence or humility. Hov.^ hard is the 
 cure of that deep, secret, spreading root, — pride ! When there 
 seems somiC hope of its extirpation, how soon will it shoot out 
 again with fresh vigour and various branches 1 Never say, 'I 
 am cured of this or that propensity ;' but rather, ' I am seek- 
 
 In a letter, dated April, 1818, Mrs. Hawkes thus replies to 
 
 some questions put by her friend Mrs. C tt, on the subject 
 
 of forgiveness of injuries. 
 
 " With respect to the duty of absolute and unreserved for- 
 giveness of injuries, — on this we are agreed. As to the opin- 
 ion you quote, that we must not shun the society of the injurious 
 person, but take every opportunity of personal intercourse, — I 
 can only assent to it after many qualifications, and much dis- 
 crimination. Both the nature and extent of the offence, and 
 the true character and meaning of the offender must be taken 
 into the account. If the offence be such as chiefly militates 
 against my pride, (of what sort soever,) or against my preju- 
 
 1 Calvin says. "Let us not suppose that apart from Christ we have a 
 drop of rectitude." — Ed. 
 
cHAr. VIII FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 275 
 
 dices, or favourite sentiments, — against my humour, or habits; 
 in short, Hgainst any thing that may strictly be considered noi>- 
 essential, and which chiefly concerns my feelings ; then, 1 am 
 wrong as well ns the offender ; and in order to iiumble myself, 
 I should do as your author says. But if the ofience be against 
 my character, — my peace, — my personal or domestic happi- 
 ness, — my relative and social engagements and usefulness, — 
 my real interests; then, I think, 1 should stand excused from 
 personal intercourse, until 1 had reason to believe 1 should no 
 more hazard such treatment. So also with regard to the of- 
 fender: — If he be in any degree otherwise than a moral char- 
 acter, — if he be actuated by evil principles, — evil dispositions, 
 — perverted and immoral sentiments, — if he be a deceitful, de- 
 signing, or doubtful character; I should forgive an injury, — 
 but I should not consider myself called to maintain intimate or 
 friendly intercourse. In the case of relationship, as much as 
 possible must be yielded. I have found it a great help to for- 
 giveness, — as well as that it serves as a test of its sincerity, — 
 to pray much for an offender. A praying spirit, and an unfor- 
 giving spirit arc incompatible. Oh! how much is comprised 
 in those words, ' Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them 
 that trespass against us!' Indeed prayer is our best resource 
 on all occasions. I feel tliat all things are comparatively easy 
 to bear, when I can pour out my full heart to Him whose ear 
 is ever open to my complaints ; so also, no doubt, feels my 
 dearest friend and sister in Christ. 
 
 " I am sorry to hear you speak of decay of bodily and men- 
 tal strength; I trust, if it be good for you, that both may be 
 renovated by the returning spring. As for myself, I do not 
 expect, nor, I think, wish for such renovation. 1 am almost as 
 weak and feeble as an infant; and I hail these harbingers of 
 total release from a body of sin and death, and from a world 
 of sin and sorrow." 
 
 In the summer of 1818, Mrs. Ilawkes had another serious 
 attack of fever, by which her little remaining strength was still 
 further reduced. In the following letters to Mrs. Jones, she 
 describes her constant suffering from languor and debility : — 
 
 " I wish I were able to write to my beloved sister as my 
 heart would dictate : I should soon fill a large sheet. But lan- 
 guor and excessive weakness unfit me even for those exercises, 
 in which alone, I have any pleasure and satisfaction. I am 
 exactly like one vanquished by an overpowering enemy ; if at 
 
276 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES, 
 
 any time I make an effort to throw off my fetters, 1 am soon 
 reminded that my strength is gone, and my efforts vain. Plea- 
 sure from all sensible objects, I have long been deprived of; but 
 my intellectual pleasures I part with, J confess, reluctantly. 
 To sit or recline on my couch, more dead than alive, with all 
 my rich books around me, and be unable to tasle a morsel of 
 their dainties, is a trial known only to those who are in such a 
 case. 1 have shared largely of pain, but this dying weakness 
 is still more hard to endure; and can only be relieved by slip- 
 ping out ol" the body. This state, however, sets one important 
 lesson constantly before me, which 1 pray I may be enabled to 
 learn, — namely, to fall with the simplicity and quietness of a 
 Tittle child, into the Divine will. There is no doubt but every 
 one of God's dispensations, whether great or small, is designed 
 to produce this quiescent disposition ; and if it could be fully 
 learnt, there would be an end to anxiety, reluctance, anxious 
 forebodings, and all uneasiness. I consent to this in theory: I 
 say, I am sure all must be right, and it matters not what are my 
 changes here, if J may but, at last, be safely landed in the ha- 
 ven of rest ; 1 would be as clay in the hands of a potter, to be, 
 by whatever means and process He pleases, formed and fash- 
 ioned to his will. Yet when under this or that trial, or in the 
 prospect of this or the other evil, my will starts up, and chooses 
 and refuses ; and hence springs my trouble. 1 see and feel, 
 that there is nothing like being brought low, and made to lie 
 at the footstool of Divine mercy, — receiving from thence, as a 
 poor bankrupt, the needful supply for the present moment. 
 These gracious supplies exceedingly endear and exalt the Sa- 
 viour, and induce such a habit of incessant application and de- 
 pendence as creates wonder, gratitude, and love, to our unwea- 
 ried friend. * # * # * 
 
 " I often catch myself making terms, — ' If I may have some 
 vigour of mind, then 1 will never complain under pain and 
 weakness of body,' &c. — which is no less than saying, 'let me 
 choose my own trials and then I will be satisfied.' Self-choos- 
 ing is, I believe, one of the hardest things to cure. God could, 
 if it pleased Him, give me a healthy mind in a sickly body ; 
 but if hoili are to be weakened together, it is my wisdom to 
 say, * Even so, Father, for it seemeth good in thy sight.' 
 
 "The road, especially at the first entrance to the valley of 
 humiliation, looks very ugly, and is rugged and steep; and it 
 is well, as Buny an says, ' if in going down into this valley w e gel 
 not a slip by the way.' But when we have made some ad- 
 vance, and begin to dwell in it, then we see and taste of the 
 
CHAP. VIII.— FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 277 
 
 lovely fruits of the beautiful vale. There dwells the rose of 
 Sharon ; there run the waters of quietness ; there sounds the 
 voice of the Dove of peace ; there stands the foot of the cross, 
 at which we may lie and cling ; and hope and love bring into 
 the patient soul a foretaste of heaven. 
 
 " Cease not to pray for a poor burdened creature, who longs 
 to be clothed upon with her house which is from heaven. 
 
 " Ever yours, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 From the same to the same. 
 
 ''It is not because my time has been m.uch engaged that 1 
 have not sooner written to my beloved sister, but because I am 
 dead, or very much like it. I sit and mourn over my indis- 
 posedness, and inability to make any good use of my time ; 
 for I seem to be doing nothing for time or eternity, — for my- 
 self or others. Oh, that I might experience the fulfilling of 
 that promise, — 'They shall bring forth fruit in old age ! * 
 Mine is extreme old age, though 1 am but little past the prime 
 of life. To bear fruit in its season, is what 1 long for. Various 
 and different are the seasons of christian fruit-bearing, — ac- 
 cording as trials, difiiculties, and temptations vary. The fruit 
 suitable to my present state is, as you say, — ' Full and entire de- 
 pendence upon God in Christ,' — which includes every grace. 
 I could not get on at all, but should sink in despair, if 1 were 
 not enabled simply to tell my Saviour every infirmity and 
 every complaint. Such is my debility and languor, that when 
 I kneel down to pray, I am presently overpowered with drowsi- 
 ness, — so that I am like one talking in my sleep. This I tell 
 Him. I am sometimes assisted to pray best in my chair : 
 but it is a heavy burden not to be able to pray on my knees. 
 Yet He seeth my heart; and if 1 am not deceived, He sceth 
 there a principle which Himself hath planted, that longeth af- 
 ter Him, and watcheth for Him 'as they watch for the morn- 
 ing ;' so that after all, I say with David, ' This is my infirmity, 
 but I will remember the years of the right hand of ihe Most 
 High.' In the first part of my spiritual pilgrimage, notwith- 
 standing some troubles and conflicts, I went on my way rejoic- 
 ing : but I knew little of my own evil heart and corrupt nature. 
 In the middle stage, such sort of afilictions were sent me, as 
 discovered to me my ignorance of myself, and my ignorance 
 of God, and his work of salvation. Rich discoveries did He 
 make of Himself through many years of extreme pain. And 
 24 
 
278 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 now He calls me to be ' as a weaned child ; ' not only weaned 
 from the things of this world, — for those have been taken 
 away, and a sentence of death written upon all that remains ; — 
 but weaned from creatures, and weaned in some measure from 
 public ordinances: weaned also from those delightful, animat- 
 ing, vivid actings of faith, by which I was sometimes made to 
 soar as the eagle, and to say even to pain and suffering <}e 
 are nothing.' The fruit now called for, is, to be passive as 
 clay in the hands of the potter ; to say to every comfort, tem- 
 poral and spiritual, ' Let it be as seemeth Thee good, only ac- 
 complish thy will. Let the root be kept alive, and the tree be 
 kept continually green, though it put forth no blossoms. Let 
 me no longer wrap myself up in any fair leaves of my own, 
 but be clothed with a garment which has no defect.' Yet 1 
 fear lest spiritual sloth should shelter itself under this bodily 
 languor ; which causes many a deep groan. Rutherford says, 
 ' If 1 knew that my Lord had withdrawn himself to try and 
 stir up the graces of faith, I could endure it : but 1 fear He is 
 smoked out of the house by the flames of corruption.' 
 
 " Farewell, yours allectionately, 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 In the latter stage of her long and weary pilgrimage, Mrs. 
 Hawkes notices the return of her birth-day. The manner in 
 which she expressed herself on the subject may appear strange 
 to persons who have been less exercised with affliction: and 
 also to those who have a less deep impression of the vanity 
 and emptiness of human life, further than as it is enlightened 
 and relieved by grace; — the effects of which will be seen, in 
 checking those expressions of dissatisfaction into which some 
 of the best of men have fallen, (as in the cases of Job and Jere- 
 miah,) and also in cheering the decline of life ; which Mrs. 
 Hawkes acknowledges in the following memorandum: — 
 
 Tuesday^ Oct. 13, 1818. — " The anniversary of the day of 
 my birth. I have, for years, been accustomed to pass my 
 birth-day with a desire to forget it: because to me it was the 
 beginning of many sorrows, and I could not feel thankful that 
 I ever had a being. I would this day correct myself, and ac- 
 knowledge my sin and ingratitude on this account. Had it 
 not pleased the God of all grace to grant me a second, new, 
 and spiritual birth, 1 might well have wished with Job, that 
 the day might perish wherein 1 was born. But being, as I 
 humbly hope and believe, born again, 'to an inheritance incor- 
 
CHAP. VIII, FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 279 
 
 ruptible, and that fadeth not away,'— I ought to notice this 
 day with humiliation and praise. 
 
 " I have been informed that my dear mother dedicated me 
 to God from the womb ; blessed be God for such a mother ! 
 I have also been told that, when very young, I had a danger- 
 ous illness, and was given over for death ; and that a man of 
 God, visiting in the house, prayed for me with great wrestling; 
 in answer to whose prayers, together with those of my dear 
 mother, I seemed to be raised up again. This kindness I have 
 also been accustomed to pass over with the unhallowed wish, 
 that they had spared their importunity. 
 
 "And now what is the language of my heart this day, in 
 the 59th year of my age, — encompassed with weariness and 
 pain, — dwelling in a tent among strangers; with nothing to 
 call my own ? 
 
 " I trust my heart sincerely utters this day, both in the re- 
 membrance of days of real anguish that are past, and under 
 the feeling of sullerings that still continue, ' Bless the Lord, O 
 my soul,' ' The Lord hath dealt bountifully with me.' 
 
 " With increasing light, and stronger perceptions of the evil 
 of sin, I read over the catalogue, (fearful as it is,) of the sins 
 of my childhood, youth, and riper years; and* of those espe- 
 cially which have been committed since I was made a parta- 
 ker of renewing grace. And so vividly docs the eye of my 
 mind trace sin from its beginning, that I should fall into utter 
 despair, but for that wonderful declaration of mercy, which 
 through the power of failh, I am enabled to believe, — ' I, even 
 I, am He that blottelh out thy transgressions for mine own sake, 
 and will not remember thy sins.' 
 
 " This month twenty-two years, I was bereft of a home, 
 and left in a totally dependent state: nineteen years ago I was 
 visited with an incurable disease, in the midst of strong fears, 
 and weak faith. Oh 1 what sorrows have I passed through ! 
 and what wonders of mercy have I seen ! 
 
 " Within the last three years, my mercies, both as regards 
 my body and my soul, have been so increased, as to fill me 
 with astonishment. These indeed are my happiest, my best 
 days; because the Lord has satisfied my soul with Himself: 
 In Him [ ' inherit substance.' He has so wonderfully provided 
 for me the kindest relatives, the choicest friends : has so gra- 
 ciously supplied my wants; and with such surprising love 
 draws me so near to Himself, — that I can truly say, all I want 
 is more grace, and more dcvotcdness to Him." 
 
280 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 Towards the close of the year 1818, writing to her friend 
 Mrs. Y , who was suffering under bereavement, she con- 
 cludes with similar expressions of gratitude to God for those 
 consolations which were afforded during the night of her afflic- 
 tion : — 
 
 . " Nothing, my dear madam, but such hindrances as were 
 out of my power to prevent, would have occasioned my de- 
 laying a single day, to reply to your kind and mournful note. 
 I both condole and rejoice with you in sincere and affection- 
 ate sympathy. I love to follow a departed spirit, known or 
 unknown, into the blissful presence of our adorable God and 
 Saviour; and though all human thoughts are poor and grovel- 
 ling, when stretched to their utmost bounds, in conceivmg of 
 that blessedness, — yet 1 find it profitable to be much occupied 
 in such contemplations. Alas! how are the wnngs of the soul 
 clogged, and enfeebled, by the things of time and sense ! 
 When, in some favoured moments, faith and hope begin to bear 
 us heavenward, — some outward circumstance or inward evil, — 
 some temptation from Satan or from the world, — like an ar- 
 row shot at a soaring bird, — stops our flight, and brings us 
 down again to mourn over our feebleness, and sad propensity 
 towards earth. Do I speak your feelings, dear madam, or 
 only my own 1 Your impediments and mine, are, no doubt, 
 very different. You have to contend with the world without, 
 as well as the world within. I find I must never lay down 
 my shield and sword, and say, ' Now 1 may rest awhile, — no 
 enemy is stirring.' The spiritual temple of our souls must be 
 reared as the Israelites built up the wall — W'hile one hand 
 wrought in the work, the other hand held a weapon ; and in 
 doing this we may say, ' Surely God shall fight for us.' Our 
 weapons are not carnal but spiritual ; and the premise made 
 ' to him that overcomelh,' is firmer than heaven and earth. 
 Let us therefore not be discouraged; but under every failure, 
 pray for strength to make another and another effort, more 
 strong and efiectual than the last ; — remembering, that to ns, 
 as well as to Peter, our blessed Intercessor speaketh the same 
 gracious, heart-reviving words, 'I have prayed for thee that 
 thy faith fail not.' 
 
 " I believe I shall be more than ever a prisoner this winter. 
 Yet I have no cause of complaint against my loving and 
 gracious Lord, whose prisoner 1 trust I am: for He giveth me 
 songs in the night of my affliction ; which though poorly and 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 281 
 
 feebly sung, are sufficient to cheer my suffering hours ; and 
 soon, I trust, they will rise to other and purer strains of never- 
 ending praise. Oh, how should our heart exult in redeeming 
 love ! When we reflect what we are saved /ro77i, and what is 
 the hope set before us in the ever-blessed Gospel, there should 
 be no bounds to our praises ! " 
 
 A short memorandum written on Christmas-day, shall close 
 this year. 
 
 Dec. 25, 1818.— <' This has been a day of trial and afflic- 
 tion from without, and oppression from pain and disease with- 
 'in. Yet, blessed be the Father of mercies, my thoughts have 
 been raised above my troubles, and have been following the 
 glorious subjects of this important season. The transactions, — 
 as recorded" in the history of the blessed Saviour's birth, — 
 have passed as bright rays through my mind. When 1 think 
 of the ' Brightness of the Father's gloi'y,' shrouded in infant 
 flesh,— a babe in a manger, — the mystery overwhelms me; — 
 but when I view that glorious Infant* and consider the love and 
 pity that brought Him down, to become ' bone of our bone, and 
 flesh of our flesh,'— I leave the mystery and embrace the fact ; 
 adding my feeble voice to those who sang, ' Glory to God in 
 the highest,' &c. And, oh! that this same Jesus may accept,— 
 not costly spices and gold, — but the sighs of a contrite heart, 
 and the flowings out of love and gratitude, and self-dedication. 
 I anticipate passing the next Christmas-day in adoration at his 
 blessed feet in heaven ! " 
 
 This anticipation was not realized: but the solemn medita- 
 tions which, at this time, occupied Mrs. Hawkes's mind, were 
 made a means of her still further sanctification, and more en- 
 tire mectness for that coming of her Lord, which she was 
 ' looking for and hasting unto.' On entering the new year, 
 she writes as follows: — 
 
 Jan. 1819.—" It is with feelings of peculiar solemnity that I 
 take leave of the old, and enter upon the new year. I seem 
 to have something more than my usual impression that, before 
 this year is closed, my eyes will be closed in death; and I de- 
 sire to encourage the expectation, that 1 may be found ready 
 at the awful moment of my call. 
 
 " My thoughts, for a long season, have dwelt on death and 
 on eternity ; 1 seem to have even now a footing there. So far 
 24* 
 
282 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 are these thoughts from depressing my spirits, that they bear 
 up my mind above my sufferings, (which are now more than 
 ever sharp and prevailing,) just as the wings of a bird support 
 and assist him in his flight. 
 
 " Glory, honour, and praise be unto Him, who hath swal- 
 lowed up death in victory ! and who hath opened the kingdom 
 of heaven to all believers. Blessed be God for Jesus Christ; 
 blessed be Jesus Christ for the gift of himself! and for the 
 gift of that living faith, which unites the soul to him our liv- 
 ing head." 
 
 Though Mrs. Hawkes was able to look beyond the grave 
 with a sure and certain hope of a joyful resurrection, yet she 
 had fears respecting the act of dying, of which she often 
 spoke ; and these fears were increased by the prospect of that 
 severe suffering which she was likely to experience in the lat- 
 ter stages of her complaint. In the following extracts from 
 letters to Mrs. Jones, abounding as ihey are in joyful hope, 
 the reader will perceive some allusion to a natural fear of death. 
 She writes : — 
 
 " I have no cordial from below the skies so sweet as that 
 afforded me by my dearest sister's letters ; nor are they earthly 
 cordials, for they raise my heart to heaven. They bring my 
 beloved sister into my company, with her usual language of 
 feeling and aflection, and a mind spiritually tuned. I am 
 thankful to taste so much pleasure, though far short of what 
 would be conveyed by actual seeing and hearing: but to this 
 we shall soon attain in its full perfection. If it be the Divine 
 will, I could wish vve might both set sail at the same moment, 
 and meet in our Father's kingdom, to prostrate ourselves in 
 heavenly union at the feet of our adorable Saviour; uttering 
 with one heart and voice, praise, and glory, and honour, for 
 his great salvation. I want more simply, and actually, to 
 realize this expectation. Sometimes 1 seem, for a moment, to 
 reach towards it; but such favours are transient. Yet they 
 give vigour to hope and prayer. I dare not try to realize the 
 actual moment of departure; spectres hover about a dying pil- 
 low. I therefore endeavour to look first if my lamp be burn- 
 ing, and my loins girded, and if my grasp of the Saviour be 
 firm : and then carry my sight within the veil, leaving the 
 river behind. 
 
 ' Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death, 
 To break the shock which nature needs must feel.'^ 
 
 * Young's Night Thoughts. 
 
 i 
 
CHAP. VIII FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 283 
 
 Or rather, it walks with trembling steps over the bridge already 
 built by the God of truth ; it ought to walk with Oijirm step ; 
 and if it may please Him so to order, so it shall be, when the 
 time for going over is really at hand." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes probably here refers to those deepened im- 
 pressions of the heinous nature of sin, and those clearer views 
 of the majesty, purity, and justice of God, which are often pre- 
 sented to the mind on a dying bed ; and which bring forward 
 past offences, Wke "spectres" hovering round the conscious 
 soul, while looking through the thinning veil of flesh, into an 
 awful eternity. Satan also, "the accuser of the brethren," is 
 sometimes permitted to assault and terrify the dyino; Christian, 
 with peculiar temptations. He takes advantage of those re- 
 mains of the spirit of bondage, " through fear of death," which 
 have a tendency to enfeeble, benumb, and chill with horror, at 
 thoughts of the iransilion ; and endeavours to keep the be- 
 liever from a comfortable remembrance of Him, who saith, 
 " Deliver him from going down to the pit ; for I have found a 
 ransom." Thus the " powers of darkness" have their " hour;" 
 and are allowed, for a moment, to eclipse that Sun of Right- 
 eousness, which is about to burst with glory on the emanci- 
 pated soul. This last conflict, however, though sharp, is 
 usually shoj't : and Satan being finally cast down, the mind of 
 the waiting Christian is filled with heavenly expectations, of 
 " an abundant entrance into the everlasting kingdom of our 
 Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." Many blessed anticipations 
 of the beatific vision were, from time to time, affijrded Mrs. 
 Hawkes during her pilgrimage here below, which led her to 
 " speak of the glory of the kingdom," as in the following letter 
 to Mrs. Jones : — 
 
 " As the refreshing showers to the thirsty ground, so is 
 every letter of my beloved sister to my spirit. I have much 
 communion with you ; and I am thankful that 1 am able, in 
 any measure, to meet your experience; and that there is a sa- 
 cred chord in my heart so in unison with yours, that it vibrates 
 at your heavenly touch, and sounds out in songs of praise to 
 him who hath united us, in and to himself, in the bonds of the 
 everlasting Covenant. Yes, glory and blessing be to Jehovah, 
 our Lord ! we are fast advancing under the same gracious 
 Leader, to a land of pure delight ; where we shall be ready to 
 say to each other, ' Tune your harp, my sister, to higher notes.' 
 Nor to all eternity shall we be able to fathom this ocean of 
 
284 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 grace and love, though we should be advancing in knowledge 
 with all the rapidity and power of heavenly faculties. I have 
 been much occupied in endeavourinoj to contemplate that glo- 
 rious majesty, who, because he is infinite, can never be com- 
 prehended by the highest archangel. What an idea is pre- 
 sented to the mind by the stupendous terms, Injinitej Eternal! 
 O Time! thou single moment of duration! strange that so 
 many thoughts and contrivances should be devoted to thee! 
 Soon shall it be said to each of us, as well as to millions be- 
 sides, ' Time shall be no longer.' Your wings are already 
 stretched ; and mine I am endeavouring to stretch, ready to 
 soar away at the glad signal. Let us, (but it is hard work,) 
 look over Jordan's narrow passage to that celestial city, whose 
 glorious light we behold, though but as a twinkling star, through 
 faith's telescope. 
 
 " The painful and strange symptoms which my complaint 
 puts forth, do indeed often fill me with fearful e.\[)ectations. 
 And when faith fails, and my eye turns downwards, my knees 
 are ready to smite together, and my flesh and heart to fail. 
 That sweet promise has comforted me, ' When thou passest 
 through the waters 1 will be with thee, and through the rivers 
 they shall not overflow thee.' I seem now but just entering 
 the heat of the battle; pray for me, that if it please Him, the 
 combat may be short, and the shout of victory quickly suc- 
 ceed. 
 
 " I have many who come to talk with me; and tlie feeling 
 of my inability helps to teach me dependence. Every day 1 
 repeat, mostly in the very words of Solomon, ' 1 am a little 
 child, give me wisdom.' Let the words that I speak be not 
 my words, but such as Thou shall give me to speak. 
 
 " Adieu, 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 On the subject of death Mrs. Hawkes ai^ain expresses her 
 
 views and feelings, in a letter to her friend Mrs. C tt, to 
 
 whom she writes in the month of March, 1819, as follows: — 
 
 " I do not know much of the feelings you mention respecting 
 * the body being laid in the grave, the food of worms.' I have 
 been so accustomed to think of the body as a mere lump of 
 clay, soon to be mingled as ' dust with dust, and ashes with 
 ashes,' having nothing remaining of iis former self, except 
 what is necessary to its identity, until it shall be raised a glo- 
 rious body : — that it always ranks in my mind with other ma- 
 
CHAP. viir. — FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 285 
 
 terial substances, of no value beyond their present use. My 
 delight, and effort, is to contemplate the new and surprising 
 powers of the disembodied spirit, landed in a region of i)urc de- 
 Jight, where its faculties will be in full perfection; and where, 
 as I conceive, it will with intensity of desire, and inconceivable 
 vigour and speed, be still stretching forward to explore the 
 wonders and glories of heaven ; and especially, to attain a 
 more perfect knowledge of Him, who as the only uncreated, 
 self-subsisting Being, must, to all eternity, be incomprehensi- 
 ble to a finite creature. Surely, to be filled with love, and to 
 be discovering the glorious attributes of Deity, in our Father's 
 house, as his redeemed children, — to whom he will delight to 
 make known the things of the kingdom, and himself as the 
 one, everlasting, Triune God, — will furnish us with delightl^ul 
 employment through never-ending ages. To look into these 
 things, constitutes our happiest moments in this life; and to 
 these sublime and joyful contemplations, should our minds be 
 directed with all possible endeavour. But alas! darkness, in- 
 firmity, anxiety, and the predominancy of sensible objects over 
 those of faith, together with the remains of our carnal nature, 
 prevent our dwelling on these animating themes, and shut out 
 the rays of this glorious abode. Yet, blessed be his name, the 
 Sun of Righteousness is arisen ; and the heavenly beams 
 which he condescends, by the Holy Spirit, to dart into our 
 prison-house, fill our souls with the only true joy we experience, 
 and eclipse all the false glare and splendour of this world : and 
 we know, and rejoice, that this true light shall shine more and 
 more unto the perfect day. Blessed Saviour, assist us to open 
 every door and window of our souls, that we may be full of 
 light ! and then we shall be full of love ; and be daily changed 
 into the image of him whose name is Love. 
 
 " I must not however omit to say, that I, as well as my beloved 
 friend, have some disquieting ideas about death. These are 
 attached to the actual season of departure, the time of dying, 
 chiefly as touching the derangement, incoherence, and weak- 
 ness, that then sits in full triumph over all that has distinguished 
 the human character. But I allow not such cogitations : my 
 Saviour has promised to be with his sheep as a guide and 
 guardian through the dark valley. Of whom then, and of 
 what, should we be afraid '? Dying grace is promised to dying 
 times ; and when we were graciously told, ' to take no thought 
 for the morrow,' — this, and every other anxiety was alike ibr- 
 biddcn. Oh, my beloved sister, in this vale of tears I let us not 
 faint and grow weary in our minds ; — our difficulties, dangers, 
 
286 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 and impediments in our heavenly progress, are doubtless many 
 and oppressive ; but if we are disciples of Christ, and are livina; 
 as such, we live for a glorious purpose, — even to be witnesses 
 for Him who loved us, and gave himself for us, — and whom 
 we can never, never, love as we ought." 
 
 ****** 
 
 In the year 1820, Mrs, Hawkes was called to part with her 
 beloved sister, Mrs. Jones. A short time before this aged 
 christian was taken to her rest, she had a serious illness; but 
 upon a temporary revival she writes to Mrs. Hawkes: — "I 
 am, through favour, getting better from my late illness. In 
 the entrance into my affliction, I felt as if in the peaceful fountain 
 of love; and I have had more enjoyment than pain all through it. 
 When He giveth peace who then can give trouble ? A free 
 gift indeed to sinners I ' By grace are ye saved.' I am now 
 able to bear the converse of my christian friends ; and it does 
 me good, because they are of my Father's family. 1 am daily 
 endeavouring to realize my age, — for surely there is but a 
 step between me and death. If you go first, I shall speedily 
 follow; and I trust you will welcome me into the' blessed assem- 
 bly. Remember for your comfort, those will be nearest the 
 throne, who ' came out of great tribulation.' May the Lord 
 give my sister such spiritual views of the eternal ' weight of 
 glory,' that she may account her sufferings upon earth ' not 
 worthy to be compared' wath such boundless bliss!" 
 
 The following letter addressed to Mrs. Jones during her tem- 
 porary convalescence, brings to a close the interesting and 
 edifying correspondence of these two sisters, Mrs. Hawkes 
 writes : — 
 
 " Happy and thankful am I to hear, that a heavenly efficacy 
 has been given to the means used for the recovery of my dear 
 sister's health ; and I trust the cure will be fully confirmed by 
 a change of air. I have begun to go out a little, after a priva- 
 tion of nearly five months ; and have been once or twice in 
 St. John's Chapel. But I make poor work of it, and must, I 
 fear, quite give up the attempt; — though it will be with much 
 reluctance ; for it has been my constant prayer, that as long 
 as life is spared, I may worship in God's holy temple. Glorious 
 manifestations of Himself, as revealed in his beloved Son, have 
 you and I been favoured with, in the sanctuary. And now 
 blessed be his name, which is faithfulness and truth ! we are, 
 by the same divine favour, enabled to bear witness, that the 
 
CHAP. VIII — riio3i A. D, 1817 to 1828. 287 
 
 Lord is not confined to temples made with hands, — but that He 
 is nigh unto all that call upon Him : so nigh, as to unite Him- 
 self to them in a mysterious and sacred oneness, far above all 
 human comprehension, and far above human language to de- 
 scribe. How has Rutherford borne testimony to this effect ! 
 as also the noble army of martyrs, — and the whole true 
 church, before and since their time. The flames, — the low 
 dungeon, — the sick chamber, — the dying bed, — have often 
 been made a Bethel, and the very gate of heaven. All 1 de- 
 sire is, that these heavenly favours should be permanent instead 
 of transient: but for this we must wait as well as pray. It 
 is promised that even the ' last enemy' shall not harm us — 
 for ' He shall swallow up death in victory.' ' All things, O 
 Christian,' says an old writer, ' are thine, and shall work to- 
 gether for thy good. Life's distresses, — languishing and final 
 period, the time, manner, and every circumstance of thy death, 
 are among the blessings purchashed for thee by the precious 
 blood of Christ. Death and the grave could not be in the saint's 
 inventory of blessings, or in the triumph of his faith, had not 
 the cross of Christ destroyed all that was evil in them, and 
 made them friendly and harmless to his people.' 
 
 " This assurance to such as you and 1, drawing near the close 
 of life is very comforting. My mind dwells much on death ; 
 and I want to learn with the blessed apostle to ' die daily.' 
 This heavy body makes me long for freedom ; but this is not 
 the sanctified motive for wishing to be gone. There is more 
 resignation-work for me to practise ; pray for me that I may 
 be a better pupil. 
 
 " Ever vours. 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 Although Mrs. Hawkes's very afieclionate disposition ren- 
 dered her all through life peculiarly susceptible of grief, — yet 
 towards the end of her course, near views of eternity enabled 
 her so to realize a happy re-union with her christian friends 
 and relatives in the heavenly world, that she could look on 
 the intervals of separation as momenta?-!/. After the death of 
 Mrs. Jones she thus refers to the subject, when writing to her 
 nephew Mr. E. T. Jones : — 
 
 " Ah ! your sainted mother used to animate us all by her 
 sweet letters, and help us by her prayers! and we should re- 
 member that this office of love now devolves upon such as are 
 left behind. Love one another, and help one another, arc Di- 
 
288 MEr.ioiES OP mrs. hawkes. 
 
 vine injunctions. I trust, my dear nephew, that 3^ou feel an 
 increasing love and gratitude to the God of all grace, that he 
 hath 'called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.' 
 It is indeed mai'velloiis light I which 'shinelh more and more 
 unto the perfect day :' and what that perfect day is, ' it hath not 
 entered into the heart of man to conceive.' I long that the veil 
 which obscures it from shining on my soul, should be taken 
 away. 1 long to widen the poor narrow crevices of my heart, 
 which admit only a glimmering ray, that it may he filled with 
 light. I long to be with her who now rejoices in the full blaze 
 of day. Let us not seek her among the dead, but among the 
 living ; and trim our lamps afresh, and listen for the bride- 
 groom's coming; for He will come, and how soon we know 
 not. To me, aweary pilgrim, 'Come, Lord Jesus, come 
 quickly.' " 
 
 While, however, faith was thus endeavouring to follow the 
 departed spirit with congratulation, the depression which this loss 
 produced on Mrs. Hawkes's animal spirits, is naturally expressed 
 
 in a letter to her valued friend, Mrs. Y , to whom in the 
 
 month of August, 1820, she thus writes: — 
 
 *» Your remark is true, and I feel it more than I even expect- 
 ed, ' that while faith may be mercifully strengthened, nature 
 is weak ' and in such an enfeebled state as mine, it fails on 
 every touch of new excitement and agitation. Through infi- 
 nite goodness, I am not greatly depressed : yet a pensive- 
 ness, which I feel it necessary to guard against, lest it should 
 degenerate into a fixed sadness, hovers over my mind, and 
 proves how much I am enfeebled, and shaken like the reed by 
 every passing breath. 1 trust however that, by divine help, 
 this sorrowful event will be numbered among the ' all things' 
 that shall 'work together for good.' ^\'hatever operates to 
 bring the eternal world into closer contact with the mind, and 
 leads the soul to cling with a more tender and strong adherence 
 to the blessed Saviour, — and opens wider the eye of faith, to 
 see Him stooping from his mercy-seat, to mark, and watch 
 over every event and circumstance , and the ear of faith, to 
 hear him inwardly proclaim, ' In ihe w'orld ye shall have tribu- 
 lation, but in me ye shall have peace;' — whatever may be ac- 
 companied with these salutary effects, must be a blessing, how- 
 ever painful to sense and nature." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes again alludes to the death of her sister, on the 
 return of her birth-day. 
 
 i 
 
CHAP. VIII. FR03I A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 289 
 
 Oct. 13, 1820. — " Another year of increased burden, feeble- 
 ness, and suffering, is accomplished ! Wonders of mercy rise 
 upon me ; wonders of ill-deservings ; — wonders of divine pity 
 
 and favour ! 
 
 * * * * * * 
 
 " Oh that I had tlie wings of a dove, that I might flee away, 
 and unite with my ever beloved, and now glorified sister, in 
 songs of praise 'to Him who hath hived us!' Sweetly her 
 voice vibrates in my ear,. ' sister-spirit, come away.' T am 
 waiting on the solemn shore of Jordan's flood, till a sweeter, 
 stronger voice shall say, ' Launch out into the deep;' ' Be not 
 afraid ; ' ' Lo, I am with you always ;' ' It is I, be not afraid.' 
 — Amen. Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly." 
 
 From the perusal of various letters, it appears that much of 
 Mrs. Hawkes's correspondence, during the year 1821, was 
 dictated by the desire to assist some young persons from the 
 country, who were in need of recommendation. Her exten- 
 sive acquaintance opened to her this opportunity of usefulness : 
 and her benevolence of mind made her ready thus to employ 
 her energies whenever called upon to do so. At the close of 
 the followinng letter to Mrs. Y , she refers to this sub- 
 ject :— 
 
 June 25, 1821. 
 
 " My dear Madam, 
 
 "Day after day, for some weeks past, 1 have attempted to 
 write, but have been always hindered after proceeding a few 
 lines; and I have also waited for that retirement, and full com- 
 posure of mind, which renders communication with a dear 
 christian friend doubly profitable. I wish, both in speaking 
 and writing, to be under the best influence. It is easy to find 
 words; but unless they are accompanied by a lively impres- 
 sion upon the heart, nothing is conveyed to any purpose. 
 Alas! what various circumstances and occurrences are every 
 day arising, that tend to damp those sweet and heavenly im- 
 pressions with which we may be enabled to begin the day ! 
 After some favoured moments of morning blessings, 1 have 
 thought, — surely I shall be strong m the Lord through the day, 
 and shall suffer no inferior things to call ofl' my mind, or dis- 
 turb the inward peace that has now been so graciously afford- 
 ed ! Yet sad to say, ere the evening returns, I resemble the 
 dry leaf, which is blown to and fro with every wind ; — and 
 25 
 
290 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 before I lay down my head on my pillow at night, I can only 
 creep to the foot of the blessed cross, ashamed to come there 
 again and again, with spotted, rent, and polluted garments, — 
 repeating the same cry, ' God be merciful to me a sinner !' 
 Oh, deal not with me according to my deserts, but according 
 to the infinite value of that precious sacrifice, to which I flee 
 for acceptance I Ah ! my dearest madam, neither the tongues 
 of men, nor angels, can ever adequately declare the wonders 
 of redeeming love ! nor the free access that is vouchsafed to 
 the penitent and mourning sinner, when presenting his feeble 
 supplications ; and when standing at mercy's door, covered with 
 shame and self-loathing, he is enabled to make fresh applica- 
 tion to the blood of sprinkling, — and to cry, Wash me yet 
 again, that I may be whiter than snow. Adored be sovereign 
 grace and mercy, often have we in such sacred seasons heard 
 the blessed Saviour's voice, saying, ' go in peace! ' ' I will ; 
 be thou clean ! ' Oh that on every occasion, to the end of life, 
 we may ever hear his voice, and follow it uprightly, — intelli- 
 gently, — and unreservedly ! 
 
 " I think I may say, no day passes in which you are not 
 more or less in my thoughts, and more especially on the Sab- 
 bath. I know that you are longing, like myself, to be led into 
 those green pastures, and fed with that feast of fat things, for- 
 merly granted to us. I trust, however, that you are with open 
 mouth receiving large supplies of living water more imme- 
 diately from the Fountain of Life. Ah how gratuitously is it 
 offered ! How sweet and ursjent the condescendino; invitation 
 to come and partake of it freely ! 
 
 " I do yet hope for the favour and pleasure of personal 
 communion with you, my dear madam, — such as I have been 
 indulged with in time past, and which I highly value, and 
 very gratefully estimate. I have longed to communicate with 
 you by letter, but have had innumerable interruptions. I have 
 been anxiously engaged of late in writing letters of inquiry, 
 and also advertizing in the public papers, in the earnest hope 
 of obtaining a situation for a young friend as, preparatory 
 governess. I have applied to Mr. Hatchard, and in every 
 quarter I could, but without success ; and I must now let my 
 young friend return home, (though so far distant as Glouces- 
 tershire,) where she must wait until something eligible offers: 
 for I really can do no more for her at present. 1 can com- 
 fortably recommend her as a confidential character, and I trust 
 that a kind providence will, ere long, interfere on her behalf. 
 
CHAP. VIII FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 291 
 
 " May the Great Shepherd of his sheep bless and keep you, 
 my dear madam, nigh unto himself, and ever lead you by the 
 waters of comfort! prays, 
 
 " Your truly attached friend and servant, 
 
 " S. H." 
 
 To a friend at Dover she writes, in the month of October, as 
 follows : — 
 
 " In younger years I should have been delighted in being 
 with you at Dover : for like yourself I admire it greatly. My 
 beloved sister Jones, and I, once spent a few weeks there, and 
 enjoyed it much. Your taste for the picturesque would have 
 increased my pleasure sevenfold. I have still the fine sea and 
 cliffs in my eye. But at pressent, I am gazing on, and 1 hope 
 diving into, an ocean without bottom or boundary : and I am 
 looking and climbing, (in effort at least,) that Rock which is 
 higher than I ; and which shall stand unshaken when the sea 
 shall be dried up,*nd when mountains shall depart, and fall 
 and moulder away. In proportion as success is afforded me 
 in this effort, all below sinks into mere nothingness. 
 
 " I rejoice to hear that your health is better. To be called 
 to great exertion with small strength, is very wearing. Yet, 
 were health and strength best for us, wc have an Almighty 
 Friend, able and ready to bestow them. We must therefore 
 believe, that there is a sufficient reason for our present dispen- 
 sation, and endeavour to get all the good which it is designed 
 to yield. It is far less easy for energetic minds to abound in 
 passive graces than in active ; yet the one are as important as 
 the other,— and, in their place, equally pleasing to the Divine 
 mind. I trust you are making advancement in higher studies 
 than any this poor world can furnish. How different is the 
 elevation! and how different the effects! The mind soon 
 grows giddy, and thus sinks into degradation, on attaining any 
 spot of earthly advancement; but in proportion as we climb 
 that Rock, which is so high that none can sec its summit, the 
 elevation only serves to sink us lower in self-loathing, and real 
 humiliation. "' It is in the lowly valley wc find the truest riches. 
 Sweet humility ! sweet to be of a lowly mind ! I long for it, — 
 I am in love with it. I am, I trust, seeking after it. This is 
 far beyond all other attainments, however splendid. ' To this 
 man will I look.' Ah, with what fiivour docs the Divine eye 
 beam on one that is truly ' poor in spirit, and that ' trembleth 
 at His word.' with filial fear, love, and faith! 
 
292 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 " I am enquiring for a serious family into which I wish to in- 
 troduce a young lady as finishing governess; and 1 shall be 
 much obliged by your assistance. 1 want also a good situa- 
 tion for an upper servant who has lived' several years in her 
 last place. 
 
 "The description you give me of your proceedings, fills my 
 mind with interest. Surely the hand of a gracious Faiher has 
 hitherto directed your steps ! Oh, may His grace be given unto 
 you in an abundant measure ! enabling you to give up your- 
 self wholly, and unreservedly to be His dedictaled and obedient 
 child, and causing all your words, and ways, to be directed to 
 His glory. 
 
 " Farewell, my dearest one. I must force my pen out of 
 my hand, or I shall soon fill another sheet. My complaints 
 are very predominating; I would therefore trim my lamp con- 
 tinually, ready for the welcome call, ' Come up higher.'" 
 
 The severe pain and illness which Mrs. Hawkes suffered to- 
 wards the close of the year 1821, led her 'to think, that the 
 time of her departure could not be far distant. Under such 
 impressions she seems to have written the following lines: — 
 
 Dec. 1S21. — "Behold thy waiting servant, Lord ! waiting 
 in extreme feebleness, and bodily decay, for the fulfilment of 
 thy word, Isa. xl. 27—31, and Ephes. iv. 10—18. When 
 by reason of old age, or disease, and decay of strength, the 
 heart and flesh faileth, and the grasshopper shall be a burden; 
 — when nature fails, and all its springs ; and every action of 
 the soul seems impeded : — then is the season to be much in 
 prayer for the fulfilment of those rich promises, which are 
 peculiarly suited thereto. Then is the power of Divine grace, 
 in an especial manner, made manifest : — then is felt the supe- 
 riority of spiritual life over animal and intellecual life : — then 
 is known, in a better measure, the inestimable value of ' a hope 
 full of immortality :' — then is experienced the blessedness of 
 having in our hearts, ' Christ the hope of glory.' Raise, and 
 increase in me, this feeble s|)ark of heavenly life, O Lord. — 
 For the negligence and mistakes of the past year, 1 pray for 
 pardoning mercy. For my favours and comforts, I pray that 
 my heart may be filled with gratitude: and that as I praise 
 thee for all that is past, so 1 may trust Thee for all that is to 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes's vigour of mind, and natural strength of con- 
 
CHAP. VIII FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 293 
 
 slitulion, had hitherto wonderfully sustained her under long- 
 continued suffering; but slie now fell every natural prop sink- 
 ing from under her, and premature old age advancing. In the 
 month of February, 1822, she says, in a letter to Mrs. F — ; 
 
 " My beloved friend would wonder to see how old, and al- 
 most helpless, I am grown. Yet when 1 am seated on my 
 couch, and in converse with kind friends, no great alteration 
 (I am told) appears to a common observer; for through great 
 mercy, my spirits are good, and my mind is kept in peaceful 
 waiting for the longed-for permission, ' to bo absent from the 
 body, and present with the Lord.' A Cew weeks past, I thought 
 I had obtained leave to depart: but the gold had more dross to 
 be taken away, ere it could be fitted, as a pure vessel, for the 
 Master's use. Decaying, sluggish nature, shrinks from the pu- 
 rifying fire: but as far as it is renewed, it tries to say, * The 
 cup which my Father has given me, shall 1 not drink it V " 
 
 The next memorandum affords a specimen of her constant 
 habit of self-examination; and also evinces the regret she ex- 
 perienced when friendly intercourse seemed to be unattended 
 by spiritual improvement. 
 
 June 18, 1822. — " Instead of watching unto prayer this 
 morning on first rising up in my bed, I have been listless, and 
 given place to vagrant thoughts ; which have rushed into my 
 mind, like the letting-in of waters. O Lord, let the sacred 
 flame of Divine love, like the fire on Elijah's sacrifice, break 
 forth, and drink up these deadening waters ! And do Thou, 
 by the Holy Spirit's influences, kindle a fire that shall burn 
 upwards in a morning sacrifice of prayer and praise unto Thy- 
 self, who alone art worthy to be loved, and praised. 
 
 " This morning my two kind friends, S. and M., left me ; 
 and my hopes have not been realized as to our profitable and 
 spiritual communion together, during their stay. O Lord, bring 
 them into a deeper knowledge of, and closer communion with, 
 Thyself! Creatures can do nothing one for another without 
 Thy special help." 
 
 The deeply experimental views which Mrs. Mawkes had ob- 
 tained of the evil of sin and the depravity of her own heart, 
 enabled her to enter entirely into the scriptural statement of 
 the freedom of Divine grace; as will appear in the following 
 extracts of letters to difitTcnt friends. 
 *25 
 
294 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Writing to lier nephew, Mr. E. T. Jones, she says, — 
 
 "Yes, yes, our salvation, first and last, is of free and sove- 
 reign grace, through faith. What are the songs of the re- 
 deemed in heaven for so great salvation ! and let the redeemed 
 on earth ask themselves, — and you and I, my dearly beloved 
 nephew, — What proportion does our adoration, our songs of 
 praise and thanksgiving, our eager wailing to know and do His 
 holy will, bear to the worship of those blessed saints and an- 
 gels, who, with veiled faces, cry day and night. Holy, Holy, 
 Holy ! As for me, such a sight is sometimes graciously afforded 
 me, or rather I should say such a glimpse, of the glory of the 
 God of our salvation, as revealed in the blessed Gospel of Jesus 
 Christ, — and at the same time, such a sight of myself as ' un- 
 clean, unclean,' a creature of unclean lips and life, — that self- 
 hatred, and self-abasement, and failh and hope in the adorable 
 Saviour, are put to the struggle, whether I shall say. He surely 
 cannot love so vile a wretch as I am, — or whether to say, 
 Christ is mine, and I am His, and 'there is no condemnation 
 to them who are in Christ.' " 
 
 To her friend Mrs. C tt, at the opening of the year 1823, 
 
 she touches on the same iheme: — 
 
 " I number it among the painful privations occasioned b^v 
 my growing disease and infirmities, that 1 cannot keep up a 
 regular interchange of thought with many valuable, and be- 
 loved, distant friends. There is however a spot, — blessed be 
 Him whose coming we at this season are especially called to 
 commemorate ! where Christian IViends can meet each other, 
 though far removed in person. How sweet the meeting-place! 
 How^ high the privilege! How rich the communion! How 
 profitable the sacred exercise, when we bow at the footstool of 
 Divine mercy ! May you and I, my dear friend, seek to en- 
 ter into it with freedom of access, remembering each other in 
 our prayers. No doubt you feel with me many hindrances 
 from inthovt, and what is more sad, many hindrances from 
 within, to the calm and comfortable enjoyment of this wonder- 
 ful and solemn intercourse of the soul with God. I feel this 
 sickly, pained body, a heavy clog; from which, often would 
 the spirit disengage itself, if so it might be. Soon however 
 will the warfare be ended, and the crown of victory be given 
 us. And for «;/ia^ will it be given? Because we have fought 
 
CHAP. viir. — FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 295 
 
 so patiently — so courageously — so holily — so faithfully? Ah, 
 no! 1 feel ashamed at the use of St. Paul's words of triumj)h, 
 — ' I have fought a good fight ; ' a good fight indeed it is : but 
 oh, how unfaithfully, how wretchedly fought! how much the 
 reverse of, ' as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.' Yet for his 
 own name's sake, to every really enlisted soldier, will the 
 crown be given : while, with songs of praise, we shall shout, 
 * Grace, grace, unto it;' free, sovereign, unmerited grace! 
 Let us therefore, my beloved sister in Christ, take courage; 
 praying for strength to hold out unto the end, keeping our eye 
 fixed on the glorious prize. 
 
 " The last year has borne away in its flight several of my 
 dear Christian friends, and some relatives. Amongst the lat- 
 ter, stands numbered my valuable brother-in-law, Mr. Jones; 
 whose death was truly happy. The last death in the circle of 
 
 my friends has been that of Mrs. Fearon, the least expected! 
 
 # * * * * * * #- -■* 
 
 " My prayer for you, my kind frier:d, as well as for myself, 
 this new year shall be, that we may freely partake of the ex- 
 ceeding riches of Christ, and bring forth the fruits of the Spirit 
 abundantly, to the glory and praise of his holy name." 
 
 In addressing another friend she says, — 
 
 "Let me echo back your request, ' Do not cease to pray for 
 me; ask for grace, do not ask for any thing else.' I endea- 
 vour to do as you desire me. and I trust you will do the same 
 for me. Grace, grace, is all we want, until we reach to glory. 
 How full, how free it is! Who can tell how much may be 
 granted to prayer? ' He giveth liberally and upbraideth not.' 
 This is my constant joy and wonder. ' He upbraideth not ; ' 
 yet I am full of upbraidings at myself^ and with good reason. 
 Still in Him 1 have peace, praised be his name." 
 
 Writing to Mr. E, T. Jones, during the season of Lent, she 
 says,— 
 
 " I wish I could tell you, my dearest nephew, in deep hu- 
 mility, and singleness of eye to the praise of the Saviour's pre- 
 cious name, and in hope of your profiting, what a most sacred 
 and sweet season I have found this Lent, in which the love 
 and sufferings of Christ, and Him crucified, are by our excel- 
 lent church especially brought before our observation. Before 
 its commencement, 1 was led to much prayer that I might re- 
 
298 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES 
 
 ceive, through the teaching of the blessed Spirit, and by means 
 of the written word, clearer and stronger discoveries, of this 
 unfathomable, hidden mystery : — and also discoveries of the 
 evil of sin, as sin, — in the ruin that it has brought into the 
 glorious creation, as originally formed ; and of the miseries 
 entailed, and existing, even in the new-born creature, while 
 connected with a vile body of sin and death. And, that I 
 might, at the same time, behold a rich display of that re- 
 demption, that finished salvation that was sealed and rati- 
 fied, when (O let us hear it with solemnity !) the expiring, 
 incarnate God cried with a loud voice, ' It is finished ! ' 
 
 " How very graciously a prayer-hearing God has vouchsafed 
 to listen to my supplication, in enlarging my heart, I must not 
 now stay to enter upon. J would rather enjoin you to unite 
 with me in thanksgiving ; and encourage to search, and dive 
 into, the height and depth, and length, and breadth, of redeem- 
 ing love." 
 
 In the summer of 1823, Mrs. Hawkes was called to part 
 with another sister, whose death she thus laments in writing 
 to a very old friend : — 
 
 " As long as my lingering troubled life is spared, I hope I 
 shall be able to communicate, at least occasionally, with my be- 
 loved and old friend. Many years have we communed together 
 concerning our trials — our hopes and fears — our prospects 
 both as to this world and the next ; and I trust that till we are 
 separated by death, we shall continue so to do. Ah, my dear 
 friend, our time is shortening every day I and as death is now 
 laying its awful grasp on many around us, so it will assuredly 
 soon lay hold on us. By this time you have no doubt heard 
 that, with almost a sudden stroke, it has taken away my dear 
 sister Mynors! I will not attempt to delineate my feelings on 
 this most affecting occasion. The shock it has given me has 
 shaken my tottermg tabernacle to the very centre, so that I 
 think it will much hasten its entire downfall. I cannot dwell 
 on the subject. Righteous art thou, O Lord, in all that thou 
 doesl! I will lay my hand upon my mouth, and pray for re- 
 signation, and increasing trust in the name of the Lord, as a 
 strong tower into which alone we can run and be safe." 
 
 In the month of July, she writes to the same friend as fol- 
 lows : — 
 
 " Alas ! My beloved friend ! our poor frail nature, with 
 
CHAP. VIII. — FKOM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 297 
 
 our feeble faith, will ever shrink from pain, and clamour for 
 ease. We are therefore told we have ' need of patience ; ' and 
 that God who is the giver of faith, is the giver of patience. 
 Under my present weakness and oppression, I am constrained 
 to cry mightily that He will be pleased to keep me that I grow 
 not weary and faint in my mind, of which I often feel in dan- 
 ger ; and that he will strengthen me with all might, according 
 to his glorious power, ' unto all patience and long-suffering 
 with joyfulness.' I find my faith much increased and estab- 
 lished, by reading and meditating on the precious promises, 
 and in praying over them ; and in doing, as Mr. Newton used 
 to say, what a man does who lias a bank-note, with which he 
 hastens to the bank to get payment. 1 am persuaded that a 
 precious promise, taken in the hand of humble, patient faith, 
 and presented to him who is ' The faithful and true,' will as- 
 suredly bring answer of, ' I say unto you, fear not; and will 
 greatly remove our fears and increase our faith. I read the 
 Scriptures with more delight, and, I trust, with more benefit 
 than I ever did. And when I am enabled, with appropriating 
 faith, to turn every verse into a prayer, it is like the pressing 
 of the ripe grape, that yields the rich wine abundantly. I la- 
 ment the liule time 1 can get for this sweet and enriching em- 
 ployment. 
 
 " Have you heard of the death of M. V. and her sister? 
 Death is thinning every circle. Let us keep it ever in view; 
 and in proportion as we are enabled thus to live by faith, we 
 shall say, ' These light afflictions are but for a moment.' " 
 
 To the same at another period : 
 
 " It is said, the trial of faith is ' much more precious than 
 gold :' Let us remember this under o\ir sharpest exercises, and 
 pray mightily for grace to abide the fiery trial, whatever it 
 may be. Let us cleave to the loving hand that smites us, and 
 say, 'Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.' Oh, if 
 He may but get the smallest' portion of honour and glory to 
 his blessed name through our aflliclions, sure they will prove 
 our greatest blessings! For a poor sinful worm to be thought 
 worthy to yield him any glory, should make us not only wil- 
 ling to bear, but, like the Apostle, to ' take pleasure' in what 
 we suffer. This must be the work of grace; for which let us 
 pray without ceasing. And since an eternity of happiness will 
 cause us, (as soon as we enter upon it,j to forget all our sor- 
 row, we ought, (Oh that we were able !) to ' count it all joy' 
 
298 ME^IOIKS OF 3IRS. IIAWKES. 
 
 to endure trials. I am very well persuaded that human nature 
 is clamorous for comfort more than grace. Even in the divine 
 life, our cry is for comfort, — {"or consolation ; and though we 
 ought to desire it, and pray for it, because it is promised that we 
 shall not only have peace but joy in believing; — yet 1 fear, if I 
 may speak from my ovv'n experience, the desire is not so pure 
 and unmixed as we are ready to believe: natvre puts in her 
 claim as well as grace. Could we, both in spiritual and tem- 
 poral bestovvments, submit lo whatever denials our heavenly 
 Father sees best for us, we should know more of that heavenly 
 principle that says in all things, 'Thy will be done!' If the 
 captain of our salvation was made perfect through sufferings, 
 — who liad no drugs to purge away, — shall not we lay our ac- 
 count for the same, who have little else but dross? What says 
 the prophet after speaking of affliction, — 'And this is all the 
 fruit to take away sin.' It may be to the inexpressible loss of 
 some, that afflictions are withheld ; while 1 doubt not that 
 they would be to our inexpressible gain, had we more faith to 
 enter into their full design. I am ashamed at myself, at my 
 groans and my cries under my burdens. Alas ! how weak is 
 grace! how strong is nature! how averse to suffering! how 
 unwilling to engage in the warfare which, if well fought, shall 
 end in victory ! We are apt to look for this or the other trial 
 to be lightened, or removed, — whereas, were we true soldiers, 
 we should expect still further combats from every quarter ; 
 and rejoice in every fresh occasion to show our allegiance, our 
 love to our captain. These things, my dear friend, are very 
 easy in theory; and I am sure they should be reduced to prac- 
 tice. But nothing less than the mighty power of God can ef- 
 fect this. As soon as faith ebbs, then I begin to cast about, 
 and look here and there to see what can be done ; till, per- 
 plexed and weary, I am driven back to ' transact with God.' 
 Let us look more to him and less to ourselves. ' Commit thy 
 way unto the Lord,' i. e. leave it to him, and ' He shall bring 
 it to pass' — without any help of ours." 
 
 There is one circumstance which renders Mrs. Hawkes's re- 
 ligious experience peculiarly valuable. This is derived from 
 sincerity of character, and real humility of mind, which led 
 her to reveal ingenuously, for the edification of others, those 
 instances in which, from the prevalence of nature over grace, 
 she had been interrupted and hindered in her spiritual course. 
 The faults of true Christians are constantly set before us in the 
 Scripture, as beacons ; and such accounts prove of important 
 
ciiAr. VIII.— FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 299 
 
 use to believers ; ihongh the ungodly may wrest them, as well 
 as other parts of Scripture, to their own destruction. In ad- 
 dressing, about this period, an intimate friend, who was placed 
 in circumstances in which both the feelings and temper were 
 peculiarly exposed to assault, Mrs. Hawkes thus refers, in a 
 way of caution and gentle admonition, to the ex[)erience of her 
 former years : — 
 
 " I enter more into your feelings than you will easily believe. 
 You may perhaps recollect the state of mind I got into when 
 
 at , which place was to me like a cide?' press. I conceive 
 
 that you have been for many months in the same kind of cider 
 press; and what that produces, I shall ever remember to my 
 sorrow ; while it leads me to understand, and sympathize with 
 any one who is in such a kind of machine. The greatest 
 misery, however, (which lay upon me like a mountain,) was 
 a consciousness of loss in spiritual comforts. A feeling of 
 discontent, impatience, and dissatisfaction, soon produced in 
 my soul a dearth and drought, which withered, or at least 
 faded, every bud and blossom that had before been sweet and 
 vigorous. I did indeed read my Bible, I prayed, sometimes 
 agonized, but I did not look afte?' my prayers ; I waited not 
 for the answer. My discontent and inurmurings neutralized, 
 and too often poisoned, the healing medicine for which 1 prayed. 
 This was my temptation. Like the Israelites of old, my spirit 
 within me was an unhappy murmuring spirit. And i verily 
 believe, that where this is suffered to creep in, it will proceed 
 like a mildew ; and if grace prevent not, it will (without the 
 aid of any other more palpable sin,) totally wither the once 
 healthy and flourishing branch. I know full well, that second 
 causes are sometimes so pressing, so numerous, so constantly 
 wearing, that we are ready to say with Jonah, ' I do well to 
 be angry ;' — ' heart and flesh fail ;' — and the waters are over- 
 whelming. I also know, that this is the conclusion of sense 
 and not of faith ; and that it all comes to this, — we must con- 
 quer to be conquered : we must get above second causes, or 
 sink and be drowned : we must know our danger, and what is 
 our resource. For what is it all, to pilgrims journeying through 
 this wilderness to our country above? Are we not forewarned 
 to expect all, and much more than we meet with? llath any 
 temptation, not common to man, not experienced by millions 
 of other pilgims, happened unto us? Shall we repine, or re- 
 fuse to stand in our lot ? Shall the so!dier/fti/i^ when he should 
 fght ? Ah, my dear , mind nothing for yourself, but what 
 
300 MEMOIRS OF MRS, IIAWKES. 
 
 tends to your being rooted and grounded in Christ ; for all be- 
 sides is a mere wreck. 
 
 " I know you will be glad to hear that my lately deceased 
 sister Mynors has left me an addition to my income, beyond 
 what she formerly allowed me. I consider this, under all cir- 
 cumstances, as an extraordinary mark of her care and kind- 
 ness. Both my nephews have been in town. They express 
 great kindness, and desire to make my latter days more easy, 
 and less anxious than formerly. My nephew Jones also con- 
 tinues his father's contribution, from his own free will, and 
 kind regard to me. Thus you see, my dear, it is with me as 
 it has been for many years, — a life of dependence, and a life 
 of merciful supplies. Proud human nature would not have 
 chosen such a way. But when we are thoroughly convinced 
 we deserve nothing, and when that conviction is sanctified, 
 then we learn to say, ' not my will, but thine be done.' 
 Praised be His name for any marks of care and love towards 
 such a miserable sinner ! 
 
 "Farewell, my ever valued and loved one. May the God 
 of all grace and mercy be your chief and only delight! 
 " Prays vour affectionate, 
 
 »S. H." 
 
 The loss of several near relatives within the short space of 
 two years, — together with the demand which disease ever 
 makes on the animal spirit,— combined at this time to produce 
 a distressing effect on Mrs. Hawkes's nervous system, which 
 was remarkably delicate and susceptible. She writes in Sep- 
 tember to the same friend as follows :•— 
 
 "I feel more feeble, and generally ill, than I have hitherto 
 been. I do think that my long disease, which has seemed to 
 be stationary for so many years, is now rousing like a lion : 
 and lion-like, it will soon devour its prey, — the poor body, but 
 it cannot hurt the soul : glory be to the Sacred Lion of the 
 tribe of Judah, he can, and will deliver. In many respects 
 your experience and mine are alike in feelings though not in 
 origin. Owing to the more general pressure of the tumour, 
 and to the fearful loss of mental and bodily vigour, I am fallen 
 into a nervous state which is truly distressing. Sometimes such 
 deep depression seizes me, and without knowing why, that I 
 can scarcely bear myself: sometimes such irritability, and at 
 others such terror, that I feel as if my senses were going. I 
 have also such an imperious, restless desire to be any where 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817, TO 1828. oOl 
 
 but where 1 am, as I never felt before. In what measure faith 
 has been vouchsafed and exercised, and what inferences 1 have 
 drawn, (during an occasional calm half-hour,) from this visita- 
 tion, I will endeavour to tell you when I am able; in the hope 
 that you may obtain here and there a hint for yourself. I con- 
 ceive ihe ground you are now traversing to be very uneven, 
 rugged, and thorny ; yet I cannot help thinking, that were 
 your nerves stronger, and your health more firm, you would 
 go more on the trip over it, than you are now able to do. Had 
 not my present nervous slate opened to me some deep and 
 sad secrets, I should wonder that you could be affected by the 
 circumstances you mention. But I now know, by sad experi- 
 ence, that though I may scorn the thing tiiat vexes me, and 
 call myself a fool a thousand times, yet there is no arguing 
 with agitated nerves. Still I do feel the benefit of knowing 
 that the cause of disturbance is chiefly in myself; that it is 
 disease which gives weight and importance to trifles ; and I 
 find it better to fall out with myself, than with such things as 
 I cannot alter. I try to say. Hush, be quiet, — and as much 
 as possible turn to some project, or even to merely an amuse- 
 ment. 
 
 " I am persuaded that nervous disease is quite distinct from 
 a morbid turn of mind. Its seat is in the body, and its sway 
 over the mind is effected by sympathy. Intellectual, and even 
 religious aids, alone, will not remedy the evil, but sometimes 
 increase it. We must have recourse to other helps ; we must 
 as much as possible avoid whatever irritates; and if we can- 
 not avoid, we must try to divert our thoughts to something else. 
 I am terrified when I consider, what disordered nerves pro- 
 duce! The imagination is the first victim, and soon all that 
 is horrid follows. Poor M. V.! how well I know her history ! 
 How exactly I can trace her path ! A paralytic affection is a 
 different tiling, though the effects are often similar. 1 am 
 alarmed for all nervous subjects who are in any circumstances 
 that lend to agitate. Even prayer becomes ofien, in such 
 cases, too strong an excitement, except in the way of humble 
 ejaculation. Rut when more peaceful and self- possessed, then 
 we should cry mis^htily unto the Lord, to be strengthened with 
 all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience 
 and long-suffering, with joyfulness. 
 
 " I must now say farewell ; and try to quiet my beating 
 head on my pwlow, from which it is roused every mornincr, at 
 early dawn, by the most distressing sensations. I long to fly 
 
 away and be at rest, in that world, where my dearest , 
 
 26 
 
302 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 and I, shall love each other better and better for ever ! Let 
 us do it here, where love is almost a stranger, — to which com- 
 pact I subscribe my name, 
 
 " S. Hawkes." 
 
 In the hope of somewhat alleviating Mrs. Hawkes's state of 
 nervous debility, a friend had expressed to the family of the 
 Rev. Josiah Pratt, then at Hampstead, a wish to remove any 
 pecuniary difficulty which might prevent xMrs. Hawkes from 
 trying the benefit of change of air: requesting Mrs. Pratt to 
 provide for her a lodging near to them, without mentioning to 
 whom she was obliged. To this kind proposal Mrs. Hawkes 
 replies in the following note ; in which she also expresses her 
 gratulations on the occasion of Mr. Pratt's being chosen Vicar 
 of St. Stephen's, Coleman-street. 
 
 Sept. 1823. 
 
 " I return many thanks, my dear madam, for your kind 
 wish that I should reap the advantage of this exceedingly fine 
 weather, which I know must make Hampstead very desirable ; 
 as also does the pleasure I should find in society with you and 
 yours. But I am so poorly and heartless, that at present I 
 cannot call up sufficient spirits to venture on leaving home. 
 
 *' The pleasing tidings of Mr. Pratt's success had reached 
 me before I was favoured with your note. The only abate- 
 ment of my joy on the account, is, that I fear Mr. Pratt's 
 labours will be increased rather than lessened ; and one can- 
 not but wish him to have rest, instead of toil, after such a life 
 of fatigue and wear as his has been. Yet I know where his 
 strength lies: — 'Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as 
 thy days, so shall thy strength be ;' which blessed promise, I 
 trust he will have the full experience of, through new duties, 
 as well as in those which are past. I rejoice that another 
 * Bethesda' is mercifully opened in this wicked city ; and ar- 
 dently hope that there will flock together, ' blind, halt, with- 
 ered,' — and find healing. Although I feel some faintings under 
 my own burdens, — for my much esteemed and revered friend, 
 my hope and expectations rise high, that his strength shall be 
 renewed as the eagles'; and that in his new sanctuary, the 
 Lord ' will make the place of his feet glorious.' " 
 
 In October, Mrs. Hawkes writes to her valued friend Mrs. 
 Y , as follows : — 
 
 " If 1 tell you, my dear madam, any thing relating to my- 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817, TO 1828. 303 
 
 self, which from your condescending kindness, I have reason 
 to beh'eve you would desire I should, 1 must say, that for a 
 season, I have been passing through rather deep waters : such 
 as from my short-sightedness, and I fear, self-dependence, was 
 quite unlocked for ; — yet for which I was, I hope, not quite 
 unprepared. Blessed be the God of all mercy, help in time of 
 need was afforded; and though the billows rose high, and 
 looked dark and dismal, they were not suffered to overflow my 
 soul. Through all, my faith was wonderfully strengthened to 
 take a firm hold on the precious promises of the Gospel; so 
 that, I trust, I have a fresh experience of the blessedness of 
 being built on that Rock, which no storms or tempests can 
 .shake ; and of being led instantly to fly for refuge, and protec- 
 tion, under the wings of Almighty love, and there find safety,-— 
 certain and assured safety. And now that these fearful waters 
 are in a good measure abated, a new song of praise employs 
 my sweetest hours ; together with the endeavour to bear in 
 mind, and treasure up some important lessons, and gracious 
 teachings, vouchsafed in the way. I believe that to the very 
 end of life, it will be our painful experience, day by day, to 
 feel and discover what sin hath wrought ; into what depths it 
 hath cast our nature ; what hidden holds of deceit it maintains, 
 — not only in the unrenewed heart, — but sad to say, even 
 where renewing grace hath been given. We need not, how- 
 ever, fear to dive into the depths of sin's ruin and misery, 
 while Christ dvvelleth in our hearts by faith : — for then shall 
 we triumph over sin and Satan ; and be viewing, and, in an 
 increasing measure, comprehending, ' the breadth, and length, 
 and depth, and height,' of that immeasurable love, which hath 
 redeemed us from death, and hell's destruction." 
 
 The * deep waters' to which Mrs. Havvkes refers in the 
 foregoing letter, were probably those severe sufferings from 
 nervous debility, with which she had been lately attacked. 
 She had not only made this afliiction a subject of prayer, but 
 also requested that her friends would unite with her in suppli- 
 cations for tlic removal of an evil which she so much depre- 
 cated. It appears by the following extract from one of her 
 letters at this time, that God had graciously granted, in answer 
 to these prayers, a considerable remission of her nervous 
 symptoms ; she says, 
 
 *' I have, from a sense of duty, forced myself into my Bath- 
 chair, and am much relieved in my nervous feelings, though 
 
304 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Still sinking under disease. I cannot help saying, that any 
 thing, every thing, seems light and bearable, compared with 
 nervous depression and agitation. And I do think, (with rever- 
 ence, humility, and gratitude would I acknowledge it !) that 
 my prayers, and the prayers of my loving friends, have been 
 heard and graciously answered, in a way of very considerable, 
 if not entire, relief from that distressing malady. Oh, that it 
 may not again be permitted to return! more especially, as my 
 strength declines. Yet, I must take shame to myself if i fear 
 concerning any thing which may happen unto me, while I am 
 enabled daily to commit my body, soul, and spirit, into the 
 preserving, protecting hands, of infinite wisdom, love, and 
 power. Oh, what deeps have I been raised out of! With 
 what mercy and loving-kindness hath the Father of all good- 
 ness followed me, all my life through! And even in my late 
 sufferings, He hath made my faith so strong in His precious 
 promises, that I have as it were, held them in my hand with 
 a firmer and more sensible grasp, than I think ever before. Is 
 not this from all-sufficient grace? Free for you, and for me, 
 and for all ! Let us therefore praise as well as supplicate ; 
 and trust in Him at all times." 
 
 In the year opening 1824, Mrs, Hawkes addresses a very 
 old friend as follows : — 
 
 " My dearest friend cannot more desire a letter from me 
 than I desire to write to her. It would afford me the truest 
 pleasure and satisfaction to keep up a speedy and regular re- 
 turn of letters, so that a free communication may flou' on in 
 one uninterrupted and useful course: but my entire inability 
 for this pleasing exertion, both as it respects yourself, and 
 many others who ask, and wait, for peculiar counsel and help, 
 constitutes one of my daily trials, — causes me many a groan, 
 — and makes a part of that burden, which I feel requires the 
 help of all-sufficient grace, to enable me to endure and sup- 
 port. Truly 1 am made increasingly to know the significancy 
 of the apostle's words, — 'We groan being burdened.' For 
 ever blessed be the adorable Saviour, who doth not leave me 
 to repine, or sink, while 5'ct groaning; but who causes me to 
 experience something of his Divine strength made perfect in 
 my weakness; — and raises and invigorates my hope into u 
 * lively liopc,' ' full of immortality.' Soon, my dearest friend, 
 shall your earthly house, and mine, be dissolved; and when, 
 by an assured faith, we can behold our ' house elernal in the 
 
CHAP. VIII. FR03I A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 305 
 
 heavens,' we may well be content to endure and wait all our 
 appointed days, until our change come: — especially since they 
 are gladdened by innumerable mercies. 
 
 " i do most sincerely and heartily join in your rejoicing on 
 the account of your dear daughter. No greater joy can be 
 afforded the heart of a Christian parent, than is assuredly given 
 to yours. IIow poor and miserable an exchange, would be a 
 rich earthly inheritance, for an inheritance among the saints! 
 He who is the author will be the finisher of her faith. Bless 
 the Lord, O our souls, that this dear child gives us every satis- 
 fying indication and hope, that the Saviour has called her with 
 an effectual calling ! He hath mercifully brought her into his 
 sacred fold, and will lead, feed, and protect her as his own. 
 I do earnestly wish that slie would communicate with you con- 
 cerning her experience, frequently and freely : there would be 
 great advantage in so doing. A young convert must have 
 much to learn, — will experience many fears, — must expect as- 
 saults and conflicts; — will find dangers attendant on every 
 step, — which want of knowledge, and want of experience, will 
 greatly increase. May the adorable Saviour carry her as one 
 of His lambs in His safe and gracious arms, and bind her with 
 the cords of faith and love to Himself! 
 
 " I doubt not that at the close of the past year, and at the 
 commencement of the new, you and I have been engaged ex- 
 actly in the same way: — namely, in * remembering all the 
 way which the Lord had led us through our past years, to 
 prove us, and to show us what is in our hearts.' Surely we 
 must stand amazed at ourselves, as at the ' burning bush,' still 
 burning and yet unconsumed. That our gracious God has 
 not dealt with us as our sins deserve, — but on the contrary, 
 has spared and followed us with loving-kindness and tender 
 mercy, — must be to both of us a subject of wonder and praise. 
 I trust we may have been encouraged to enter on the new year 
 with renewed humiliation and faith, and dedication of our- 
 selves to the Lord. I unite with you, my dear friend in rais- 
 ing a new Ebenczer : and in committing our bodies, souls, 
 and spirits, into his blessed hands, for time and eternity. He 
 that hath kept, will keep, that which we have committed unto 
 Him. Let us be willing to be low in temporal comforts, so 
 that we may be rich in grace, — which is infinitely better. 
 
 " I am much in my old way, with symptoms fluctuating 
 every day, and two or three limes in a day ; and am extreme- 
 ly enfeebled. But I trust that I am going on my way wiih 
 some haste and earnestness ; longing, and waiting, for theglo- 
 26* 
 
306 ME3I01Ri5 OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 rious vision, which though it tarry, shall assuredly come in^ 
 the best time." 
 
 The next letter, addressed to Mrs. C tt, contains a fur- 
 ther detail of Mrs. Hawkes's painful symptoms, — not indeed 
 very different from what has gone before,^ — but expressed in 
 so natural and touching a manner, that the reader is thereby 
 put in possession of evidence concerning her case, not to be 
 obtained from any other pen but that of the sufferer. It con- 
 tains also a fine transition, from the groans of oppressed na- 
 ture, to the songs of a redeemed spirit:— 
 
 3Iarch 30, 1824. 
 *' Alas ! with what pain do I take up my pen to address my 
 valued and ever-beloved friend, occasioned by the recollection 
 of the length of time which has elapsed since 1 was favoured 
 by her letter ! and from the fear that she should think me un- 
 grateful in returning no acknowledgment of her continued kind 
 communications; — continued until my sad delays m.ust have 
 led her to despair of a return ! I feel it quite impossible to 
 give to any friend, who is not an eye-witness of every pas- 
 sing day, any idea how my time is taken up ; — or, rather I 
 should say, how one day after another slips away, without my 
 having the power to use it. 1 seem as though I was really a 
 waster of time ; and it forms one of my trials that I am not able 
 to use my fleeting, precious moments, for any good purpose 
 to myself or others. An extrem.e languor and debility has 
 prevailed over ray frame for nearly twelve months : with a 
 variety of nervous symptoms, distressing and quite unusual. 
 My strength is so decreased, that I am obliged to decline com- 
 pany as formerly. A little conversation soon exhausts me, — 
 although I still delight in svv'eet christian society, when able to 
 bear it, — and I feel this additional privation, together \yith my 
 inability to keep up a regular interchange of letters with dis- 
 tant friends, — often depressing to my spirits. In short, the 
 last twelve months have been mingled with a variety of pain- 
 ful sufferings, which have, I fear, induced too strong a desire 
 to escape, "and leave the field of battle, before permission is 
 given. 1 suppose it is a common case, that {he present suller- 
 ing seems always the heaviest; perhaps if some of my former 
 painful days (which being past appear more easy to bear than 
 the nervous, disquieting, and Innguid state I am now under) 
 were to return, 1 should find my mistake in thinking them to 
 b^ preferred. 
 
CHAP. VIII.— FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 307 
 
 *' I cannot however help nunnbering nervous diseases, with 
 all their variable and unhinging symptoms, among the most 
 trying to the mind : for ofien they arc found to set at defiance 
 all arguments, both christian and rational. And all that can 
 be done is to pray for grace to endure. I trust, my dear friend, 
 you will give me credit when I assure you, that my long si- 
 lence has arisen from these circumstances of suffering, and 
 not from the least diminution of affection and interest towards 
 you. Much have you occupied my musing moments ; — I have 
 even begun writing to you, and could not proceed : and often 
 wish you could know my mind and heart, and the place you 
 will ever hold therein. But after all this long detail of bodily suf- 
 ferings which I intend only as explanatory, and not as lepin- 
 ing, — -as occasion of many groanings, but, I trust, not one of 
 murmuring; — let me, as grace shall enable me, now tune my 
 harp, and send forth sounds of praise; and make mention of 
 the blessed Saviour's name, which, to your heart my beloved 
 and honoured friend, is sweeter music than all the charms this 
 earth can afford. Yet so poor are the conceptions of the mind, 
 and such the poverty and language, to express even those 
 views and feelings which faith sometimes bestows, that I am 
 often ready to lay my hand on my mouth, or to lay down my 
 pen and say, the love' of Christ is too high, too sacred, too glo- 
 rious a theme, for such a defiled grovelling worm to expatiate 
 upon, or even touch. It is above all comprehension ; far must 
 it be beyond all description ! Heaven is the place to set it forth. 
 "Yet hath it seemed Him good to form earthen vessels, 
 mean as they are, for his praise. And surely, surely, after 
 the bestowment of his grace and favour, — and the loading of 
 his benefits, — and all the blessings of salvation,— if we do not 
 tell of his love, and magnify his name, the very stones and 
 beams of our dwelling would cry out against us, and put us 
 to shame. 
 
 " Let me therefore, in deep humiliation, and self-renuncia- 
 tion, bear my feeble testimony, that they who trust in the Lord, 
 and * cry unto Him in their trouble, He saveth them out of 
 their distresses.' Pie may see good to continue affliction ; but 
 when the heart begins to faint and fear, then somecheeringbeams 
 of light are caused to arise, which asain turn our heaviness into 
 rejoicing. And when darkness hovers over, and obscures our 
 goings, the entrance of the blessed Scripture giveth light; ' it 
 giverii understanding unto the simple;' the word becomes a 
 lamp unto our feet ; and we are enabled to set unto our seal, that 
 when trouble and anguish lay hold upon us, the command- 
 
308 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 ments are our delights ; and God our Saviour is our hiding- 
 place, and our shield, our refuge, and strong tower. Trulv 
 have I, through free grace and favour, experienced what is so 
 sweetly penned by David in the 23d Psalm, — ' The Lord 
 is my shepherd :' indeed the Scriptures throughout have been 
 wonderfully opened, and sealed, and blessed to me. I think 
 I never found so much fulness and sweetness in them as of 
 late. So that I am enabled, praised be the Lord ! to say, 
 * More are they to be desired than gold, yea than much fine 
 gold ; sweeter also than honey, or the honey-comb.' They 
 are indeed my ' songs in the night.' ' Thy word is true 
 from the beginning, and every one of thy righteous judgments 
 endureth forever.' Oh, for an enlarged heart, to rest in the 
 precious promises, according to the divine warrant that is giv- 
 en us to rest in them! And oh, for a grateful and loving 
 heart, more tuned to praise God /or his word, and in his word I 
 I have abundant reason for thankfulness for the openincr of 
 the Scripture-wells of salvation, and for help in drawing living 
 waters out of them, — now that I am almost totally deprived of 
 the public ordinances : and though all around me 1 hear the en- 
 livening ' sound of the church-going bell' — at which my heart 
 used to leap for joy, — I cannot now obey its summons ; nor 
 even reach a ^q\v yards across the road to those sacred doors, 
 into which, on the Sabbath day, I see, from my windovvs, my 
 friends and neighbours entering ! This is, blessed be the 
 Lord! my dispensation, and not my neglect; and if the 
 brook is stopped, the fountain is ever open, and ever flowing. 
 Yes! blessed be Him who hath said, — and yet doth say, — 
 ' Whosoever drinketh of the water tliat I shall give him, shall 
 never'thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him, 
 a well of water springing up into everlasting li(e.' 
 
 "Let us not therefore, my valued friend, think that we shall 
 faint by the way_ because the streams of the sanctuary are not 
 within our reach, — so long as the Holy Spirit, and the sacred 
 Scriptures, and a throne of grace, are made sure unto us, — and 
 while ours is ' the everlasting covenant, ordered in all things 
 and sure ;' which is all our salvation, and all our desire." 
 
 In the next extract from a letter, dated June, 1824, addressed 
 
 to Mrs. Y , she laments the removal of a young friend 
 
 whose affectionate attentions had much contributed to her com- 
 fort. The severe family affliction which occasioned this re- 
 moval, led to some remarks on the mysterious nature of the 
 Divine Providence, — a subject which must ever be inscrutable 
 
CUAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 309 
 
 to a finite creature. *' How little a portion," says Job, " is 
 heard ot" Him ! " " His ways are unsearchable and past find- 
 ing out ! " Every true christian will contemplate the mysteries 
 of God's providence, — all the wheels of which arc moved by 
 his eternal counsels — with holy reverence : not vainly prying 
 into this ark of his presence, but resting in quiet repose, and 
 adoring gratitude, » under the shadow of the Almighty.' " 
 
 " In parting with my friend, Miss De C ," says Mrs. 
 
 Hawkes, " I felt as though I was parting with an affectionate 
 and pious daughter; and greatly shall I miss her kind atten- 
 tions, and christian conversation. She left Pentonville almost 
 broken-hearted, and so did her afflicted mother. I have sel- 
 dom known to fall on any friend, such an accumulation of 
 weighty trouble, as upon these, my sorrowful neighbours. 
 How often does the extraordinary and mysterious providence 
 of God, say to our wondering perplexities under trial and sor- 
 row, < My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your 
 ways my ways.' And how strengthening and delightful is it 
 to the painfully exercised christian, when, his faith befng strong, 
 he can from the heart say, ' It is the Lord, let Him do what 
 seemeth Him good;' and blessed be his name, his grace has 
 made me ' as a weaned child, as a child weaned of his mother.' 
 Alas! so backward is our wretched nature to learn this high 
 lesson of entire resignation, that few of God's dearest children 
 have reason to be satisfied as to their attainments therein. If 
 in one time of trial we seem to have learned it, another occa- 
 sion will soon arise to show, and make us feel that we have a 
 will and a choice of our own, which is not yet brought into 
 subjection: — while we yet know, that in proportion as we are 
 enabled to say, 'Thy will, and not mine, be done,' our peace 
 and comfort abound in the most trying circumstances. Blessed 
 be Him who hath said, ' My grace is sufficient for thee,' — suffi- 
 cient to fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the 
 work of faith with power — sufficient to uphold us in all the 
 changing conflicts and combats with our spiritual enemies: — 
 and to make us more than conquerors over every opposing force. 
 
 ' A feeble saint shall win the day, 
 Though death and hell obstruct the way.^ 
 
 " Oh for that unstaggering faith, that hopeth against hope, 
 relies on Omnipotent power, and is enabled to come up from 
 the wilderness leaning upon the Beloved ! " 
 
310 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 All that remains belonging to this year, is a touching solilo- 
 quy, written by Mrs. Havvkes on her birth-day : — 
 
 Oct. 13, 1824. — « « Why art thou cast down, O my soul? ' 
 when the speedy return of every birth-day should make thee 
 glad that thou art one year nearer to the haven ot' rest, where 
 thou hast so long desired to be. Has any new thing happened 
 unto thee? Any thing that is not common to old age: — com- 
 mon for an afflicted pilgrim, with a vile body of sin and death, 
 to encounter and endure? Art thou not content to hear the 
 breakings down of nature, with the drying up of its springs; — 
 and to walk through the valley and shadow of death, as those 
 with whom, in former times, thou hast had sweet society, — 
 even when health and vigour were decayed ; and when with 
 tottering steps, and many a groan, they waited for that de- 
 liverance which they have now obtained ? Dost thou expect 
 that a new way is to be made for thee, instead of the royal way 
 ordained for all pilgrims to the holy city? Look at thy dear 
 relatives, — mother, — brother, — sisters, — and others. Look at 
 thy honoured, beloved minister, and father in the gospel, — 
 whose more than usual strength and vigour of mental faculties 
 
 were reduced to infantile feebleness ! Look at at at ; 
 
 — and say again, with shame and chiding, ' Why art thou cast 
 down, O my soul ? hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise 
 Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.' 
 
 " Where is the father, the husband, the brother, the sister, 
 or the friend, — worthy of such endearing names, — who, when 
 the object of their affection is laid on a bed of sickness, and 
 disabled from the performance of those relative duties which 
 belong to health, — will not show more love, more sympathy, 
 more tender attention towards them, because they are sick and 
 disabled ? And hov/ are their hearts grieved, when the dear 
 sufferer lies weeping, sorrowing, because they are no longer 
 able to execute their ibrmer duties and services. Inquire then, 
 ' What thinkest thou of Christ ? ' What of His love and com- 
 passion ? " — 
 
 In January, 1825, Mrs. Havvkes addresses her friend Mrs. 
 
 Y , recently recovered from a dangerous illness. In the 
 
 portion of her letter which has been selected for insertion, she 
 enlarges on that simplicity of faith, which leads to the assur- 
 ance of hope, and to a settled peace and joy in believing, — 
 springing from free and sovereign grace. 
 
CHAP. VIII.— FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 311 
 
 "As respects yourself, my dear madam, I am happy to hear 
 that the blessed and merciful Lord, whom you love and serve, 
 has dealt bountifully with you in his rich grace, and plentiful 
 goodness, and made all your bed in your sickness, — praised 
 be his name ! May your faith and hope be greatly enlarged, 
 to believe with an assured confidence, that the same Triune 
 Lord, will uphold, comfort, and keep you, even to the end ; 
 and though you may yet have fears, and soul -conflicts, for 
 ' The trial of your faith which is more precious than gold,' — 
 yet the white robe, and the glorious crown of salvation is snre^ 
 because it is ' reserved ;' yes ! thanks be to sovereign and free 
 grace and mercy ! it is surely ' reserved in heaven,' for them 
 that believe. Yes! let us sing with all the redeemed in earth 
 and heaven, the promise is to them that believe.) — not to such 
 as are perfect in holiness, though they desire it. Nor need 
 such as are cast down, and have misgivings because of the 
 coldness of their hearts — their short comings — iheir every-day 
 failures — their fresh contracted stains from continual infirmi- 
 ties, and the warring of the flesh against the spirit ; — have any 
 reason to fear the loss of their wondrously-purchased crown ; 
 for it is reserved for all that believe in Christ and are his sheep. 
 1 am more and more persuaded, my dear madam, that our 
 establishment in faith, peace, and comfort, is in proportion as 
 we simply look to Jesus, and keep clinging to the foot of the 
 blessed cross ; taking, as fast as they arise, our fears — tempta- 
 tions — every failure in our spiritual course — our weakness, 
 ignorance and wants, — and there spreading them before Him ; 
 there receiving fresh application of the blood of sprinkling on 
 our sick and stained souls ; and there loosing our whole selves 
 in Him. Saying to every accusation which conscience or Sa- 
 tan brings against us, however true : — 
 
 ' Thou shall answer, Lord, for me.' 
 
 Who, in his own good time, will give an answer of peace ; 
 silence all our accusers, and make us savingly to believe, that 
 'The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin;' and that 
 ' nothing shall separate us from the love of Christ.' 
 
 " 1 should like to indulge myself in relating to you, who kindly 
 take an interest in an unworthy sister pilgrim, the dealings 
 of the Lord with me. Graciously and tenderly hath He dealt 
 with me, for his own name's sake. I have again been brought, 
 (as was thought by myself and others,) to the eve of my de- 
 parture : and, blessed be the same gracious Saviour! was 
 brought thereto in peace. But instead of an entrance into rest, 
 
312 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 it hath seemed the good pleasure of Him that doth all things 
 well, that 1 should remain a little longer in restlessness, suffer* 
 jng and trial. Pray for me, my dear madam, that the will of 
 the Lord may be done in and by me : and his holy design there- 
 in be fully accomplished: and that in all things J may say, 
 ♦ blessed be the Lord, for he is plenteous in mercy, and a very 
 present help in time of trouble." 
 
 In the summer of this year, Mrs. Hawkes had a pressing 
 invitation from some very valued friends in Buckinghamshire, 
 to remove into the country, and pass her remaining days near 
 to them,Mn a house of their providing. The following is an 
 extract from her letter in reply : — 
 
 " My heart loves and thanks you ; and will ever hope to 
 pray, that the reward of your affectionate desires and inten- 
 tions towards me, may be equally the same as if I were in the 
 full enjoyment of them. But were you to see me now, my 
 dearest friend, not merely for an hour or two, but through day 
 after day, and night after night, of pain and weakness, you 
 would not say, Why w\\\ you not come and put yourself under 
 our fostering wings, for the remainder of your sinking years? 
 Delightful idea! but uttered with a silent and tender sigh, — 
 No, it cannot be ! Moreover, I should consider it an act of in- 
 justice, and absolute selfishness, to burden my dear friends, 
 when I am past contributing anything to them, but care and 
 anxiety. My sacred harp is not, I am thankful to say, hung 
 upon the willows ; but it can only vibrate inwardly. My touch 
 is become too feeble to bring out its sounds to gladden other 
 ears. I am much in the contemplation of how necessarily soli- 
 tary is the greater part of the Christian walk ; and especially 
 when entering into the valley and shadow of death. How un- 
 speakable is the mercy, when the heart and the flesh fail, to 
 find that indeed, and in truth, God is the strength of the heart, 
 and its portion forever ! How refreshing to drink of the Liv- 
 ing Fountain, when nature's springs are failing! May we each 
 my beloved friend, keep closer and closer to this sacred Foun- 
 tain." 
 
 The year 1826, supplies only two private memorandums. 
 The first, written on the eve of leaving Highgate, where Mrs. 
 Hawkes had taken a lodging for a few months ; and the second, 
 at the close of the year. 
 
 Sept. 1826. Highgate Common. — " Wliat singular trials, 
 
CHAP. VIII FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 313 
 
 and what distinguished mercies, have I experienced during my 
 abode in this place ! 
 
 " Visited with a dangerous illness ; alarmed at the illness of 
 my servant;^ afraid, because among strangers, and at a dis- 
 tance from friends, and from my usual medical aid ; distressed 
 also on account of the illness of my dear niece, who is my es- 
 sential attendant and helper. 
 
 " Now let me mark also my mercies and favours : — 
 
 "A mind kept, through grace, in entire peace; faith given 
 to rest in the blessed Saviour's care, as a child in the arms of 
 its mother; waiting for the solemn command, to depart hence, 
 and to enter a land of pure delight ; with a vivid view and 
 deep sense of the free grace and mercy by which alone such 
 a sinner — ah ! such a sinful worm ! — could obtain a heavenly 
 inheritance. 
 
 " Now again, however, the time of departure seems to re- 
 cede; 
 
 ' Let me not murmur at my stay, 
 Nor wish my sufferings less.' 
 
 *' Mark also providential mercies ; — 
 
 *' Accommodated in a quiet and roomy house, in a beautiful 
 and healthy situation; visited in a most friendly manner, by a 
 kind medical friend, hitherto a stranger, but now a friend in 
 need ; joined by my dearest daughter, C.,^ who came to dwell 
 near me, and who was unto me in all respects, as the best of 
 daughters ; comforted by the frequent attentions of my kind 
 
 niece ; favoured with extraordinary kindness from Mrs. P s ; 
 
 benefited by visiting a dear afflicted saint. Miss VV d; 
 
 visited by my revered, and beloved friend, Dr. Fearon, who no 
 sooner heard of my wish to see him, than with that instant 
 readiness which is one of the truest marks of sincere friend- 
 ship, he travelled many miles, and, in a few hours, arrived in 
 town to my great comfort. Surely I cannot be sufHciently 
 thankful for such a friend, — the unchanging friend of many 
 years; may his unwearied kindness be recompensed a hun- 
 dred-fold!" 
 
 Dec. 31, 1826. — " Last hour of the departing year ! Oh, 
 that my enumerations, and confessions, and sorrow for the 
 sins and intirmities, and short-comings of the past year, (which 
 are more than I can number,) may not be despised of 
 
 » A servant who had lieen with Mrs. Hawkes fifteen years at the time 
 of wiiting this, — and who remained with her as long as she lived. — Ed. 
 2 A friend. Mrs. Hawkes never had any children. 
 
 27 
 
314 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Ihee, O Lord, my heavenly Father ! ' The sacrifices of a 
 broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.' Let 
 such be the sacrifices of my heart at all times. In mercy 
 hear, and accept, my groanings : and also my poor sacrifices 
 of praise and thanksgiving for unnumbered mercies ; which 
 with shame-facedness, but according to my poor feeble faith, 
 1 bring, and lay on that Golden Altar, which purifies and 
 sanctifies every gift ; even that of the meanest, weakest, and 
 vilest worm, who, renouncing every other plea and hope for 
 mercy, pleadeth the all-prevailing name of Jesus; and resteth 
 in his atoning sacrifice, righteousness, intercession, and full 
 salvation. 
 
 * I nothing want or plead beside, 
 
 But Jesus, and him crucified ! ' " 
 
 Monday f Jan. 1, 1827. — " First hour of the new year. 
 
 ' In age and feebleness extreme, 
 Who shall a helpless worm redeem ? 
 Jesus, my only hope thou art, 
 Strength of my failing flesh and heart ! 
 O, let me catch a smile from thee, 
 And drop into eternity.' 
 
 " I am indeed a wonder to myself, that I should be brought 
 out of so many deaths, and enter on another year, with little 
 more than a life of death. 
 
 " Complainest thou, my soul, of thy long imprisonment, — 
 of thy continued disappointment of escape from thy narrow 
 irksome cage ? Faintest thou because thy labour is not over, 
 nor the battle won ? Rather humble thyself, and put thy 
 mouth in the dust, that with all that has been done for thee, 
 thou hast done so little thyself towards obtaining a meetness 
 for thy heavenly inheritance. Were the corn f^Lilly ripe, it 
 would be gathered into the garner. Thou art not ripened. 
 Besides, were there no other reason why thou shouldest wait 
 patiently, it is enough that it is the will and good pleasure of 
 thy Heavenly Father. Hast thou no obligations to Him, 
 (whose thou art by creation, redemption, adoption, preserva- 
 tion,) for mercies, temporal and spiritual, through a whole life? 
 Gird up the loins of thy mind, and say, ♦ What shall I render 
 unto the Lord for all his benefits ? ' Nothing canst thou ren- 
 der in a way o^ merit ; but every thing in doing and suffering 
 according to his will. 
 
 A memorandum written in the month of July, is the next 
 trace we meet of Mrs. Hawkes's Christian experience. 
 
CHAP. VIII. — FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 315 
 
 July 2^ 1827. — <" In mo ye shall have peace.' When I 
 review my sins of childhood, and unto old age, I wonder that 
 I ever have an]) peace. When by faith I look to Jesus, his 
 all-atoning sacrifice, righteousness, and intercession, I wonder 
 that my peace should ever be broken. 
 
 " Sweet is that emblem of the Saviour, ' And Jacob saw a 
 ladder set upon the earth, whose top reached to heaven,' Gen. 
 xxviii. 12. O my soul, continually ascend this sacred ladder, 
 and receive the richest favours of grace and mercy : and de- 
 scend, with humble gratitude, to make holy merchandise for 
 the increase of thy own spiritual life and growth, and for the 
 benefit of thy fellow-pilgrims ; and also for the glorifying of 
 thy Father which is in heaven. Otherwise thy gained gold 
 will become polluted, and changed into dross." 
 
 The deeply spiritual emanations of Mrs. Hawkes's mind, to- 
 gether with her clear views of divine truth, — in combination 
 with the strength of her native powers, — gave her an unusual 
 capability of instructing others in divine things; especially the 
 young, towards whom she felt strong attachment. About this 
 time her affectionate solicitude was drawn forth, in no com- 
 mon degree, towards some young relatives. Early deprived 
 of their valuable mother, the maternal duties had been well 
 supplied by an excellent aunt. It pleased God to visit this ex- 
 emplary Christian with much bodily afiliction, and finally to 
 take her to himself, in the year 1827.^ Mrs. Hawkcs now felt 
 an additional interest in these amiable relatives, and endea- 
 voured to become to them a ' Mentor,' as far as her infirmities 
 would allow. These young ladies, (the Misses Milward,) 
 have kindly supplied some letters for this Memoir, and also the 
 following notes of a parting address, made to them by Mrs. 
 Havvkes in conversation, in the month of August 1827, pre- 
 vious to their excursion to the Isle of Wight. 
 
 " I have thought much of you. My imagination is always 
 at work. I can fancy you in that sweet Niton, in rapture 
 with the scenery; but do not stop there: let the surrounding 
 beauties lead you to their Author. I could wish myself with 
 you, seated on that beautiful rock, talking of your dear de- 
 parted aunt; and above all, leading you to higher subjects. 
 Before you go out each day, seek, each one for yourselves, the 
 
 1 See an allusion to this LaJy, page 153. 
 
31 G 3IKMOIKS OF 31 K?, HAWKKS. 
 
 Divine protection, in earnest prayer. Do not. rest satisfied with 
 the act of saying a prayer, but when you have finished, ask 
 yourselves, Have I really prayed ? Has the Holy Spirit touched 
 my heart? Has it been softened? Five words only, in this 
 spirit, will be accepted. My dear young friends, be decided. 
 There are two kinds of religion : — One, that will make a very 
 fair show", and appear very amiable to men, but which will 
 fail in the hour of trial. Its fault is, that it does not go deep 
 enough ; it does not touch the heart. God says, ' My son ! 
 give me thy heart.' If he does but see that you give him your 
 heart and affections, it is all that he desires. Your heart being 
 resigned to him, all will be well ; and he will not be strict to 
 mark failings and imperfections. Never rest till you love 
 your Saviour. It is easy to talk of love to him, but you must 
 feel it; you must love him more than the dearest earthly ob- 
 ject. Oh! the peace that arises from love to the Saviour! 
 Not a wave of trouble rolls across that peaceful breast, in 
 which such love dwells. Oh ! the comfort of such a friend on 
 a dying bed ! The tender care of a friend or parent is most 
 felt in the deepest affliction. Our heavenly Father has many- 
 ways of comforting his children : not by removing their pain, — 
 for that may be good for them, — but by sweet texts of Scrip- 
 lure, and delightful communion with himself. Be decided; be 
 firm; enjoy the good things allotted to you by providence, but 
 do not rest your affections on them, nor say, This will make 
 me great or admired. In your intercourse with worldly peo- 
 ple, be polite and sociable, regard them as amiable citizens of 
 this lower world ; but have nothing to do with their merchan- 
 dise, their pleasures, or their pursuits; form no friendships, 
 encourage no familiarity with them. Say to your soul. Enter 
 not thou into their counsels, but let thy converse be with the 
 excellent of the earth. Remember you must each travel to 
 heaven alone. You may, at different periods, animate each 
 other; but there is much in this work that can only be done 
 by yourselves. When your lamps grow dim, hasten to trim 
 them, and procure a fresh supply of oil. Remember you are 
 to be the ' Wise virgins.' I have often prayed for you when 
 attending the ordinances at St. John's Chapel. It was my 
 spiritual birth-place; and often have I exclaimed. Lord, grant 
 it may be such to my dear young friends and relatives; to 
 their dear father, and brother! How have 1 wept there, in 
 former years! and rejoiced that the pews were so high that I 
 could hide my excessive weeping ; so great was my fear that I 
 did not love my Saviour. 1 had been trifling with religion 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 317 
 
 many years. — My head will not allow me to say more at 
 present. Farewell; if we should not meet again on earth, see 
 that we meet in heaven; see that you meet me, and your aunt, 
 in heaven." 
 
 In the same strain of piety and aOection, Mrs. Hawkes 
 writes to her young friends, while at Niton : — 
 
 " I much wished for the pleasure of holding a long conver- 
 sation with you on paper; but my generally failing strength, 
 and trembling hand, have hitherto impeded, and do still im- 
 pede, the comfortable movement of my pen. I have had two 
 or three returns of painful illness since I had the pleasure of 
 receiving your very gratifying letter; and I find that my late 
 attack has given such a real shake to my before feeble frame, 
 as will not soon, if ever, be recovered. Yet I am undoubtedly 
 convalescent ; and should no relapse take place, you may per- 
 haps find me, on your return, as well as usual. Sure I am, 
 that while by the Divine will and appointment my lite is con- 
 tinued, you will find me, as ever, your atFectionatc, deeply in- 
 terested, and sincere friend. Truly do 1 lament, that I cannot 
 do all I wish in every possible way of benefit and comfort to 
 you, and each one of your kind family. When you so ten- 
 derly and sweetly took leave of me, — with little expectation to 
 either of us of meeting again on this side of Jordan's banks, — 
 my recollections of our long intimacy, of past occurrences, of 
 your constant friendship and kind attentions, and your too 
 much sorrow and unwillingness to death's separating stroke, — 
 filled my mind with strong and tender emotions, and increas- 
 ing attachment; and with sincere self-reproach, that I had 
 been sinfully wanting in my endeavours to be more useful to 
 you, in mental and spiritual communications. Ardently do 1 
 pray, that our future intercourse may be made, by help from 
 above, more profitable; and more mutually confidential and 
 unreserved. With truth and aficction I can aflirm, that the 
 real welfare and happiness of you all, lie deeply and constantly 
 near my heart, and greatly occupy my thoughts. 
 
 " I am entertained, and much delighted, my dear S. with 
 all I hear of your adventures. The surrounding wonders, 
 grand and beautiful, which you are exploring, while they de- 
 light the eye, are equally calculated to expand the mind, and 
 fill it with elevating and instructive contemplations and reflec- 
 tions. 
 
 " The picturesque little church you mention, was one of the 
 objects which, together with the surrounding scenery, your 
 27* 
 
318 MEMOIRS OF MKS. HAWKES. 
 
 dear aunt and myself greatly admired ; and also the Slip ; 
 with several other places which I have not time to mention. 
 But our most favourite haunts were about East and West 
 Cowes, and Ryde. Many pleasures did we mutually enjoy 
 in that sweet spot ; and also at Portsea. Dear, departed 
 friend! Thoucrh thou hast left me to struffole a little longer 
 on this conflicting shore, yet I rejoice in thy emancipation I 
 Thou art now beholding that glory that completely obscures 
 all the splendour of this poor world ! and art drinking of those 
 pleasures, in comparison of which all others are but as draughts 
 of bitterness ! I shall soon re-unite with thy sister-spirit, never 
 more to be separated; and while lingering here below, I will 
 endeavour to prove my love to thy dear memory in that way 
 in which, could I hear thy voice from heaven, I know thou 
 wouldest most pathetically request, in accents similar to these: 
 — Be not, my old friend, content to prepare for, and anticipate, 
 your oivn happy rejoining me in the mansions of bliss; but 
 exert every nerve, make every diligent effort, to bring on these 
 dear relatives, (to whom my whole time, care, and prayers 
 were unceasingly devoted,) as far, and as securely in ' the nar- 
 row way,' as may lie in your power. That will, in the end, 
 unite them to us again. May the blessed Saviour bestow on 
 me wisdom and grace to fulfil this request and desire of the 
 beloved saint ! and dispose each of your hearts to the same ob- 
 ject, and noble aim." 
 
 From the same to Miss M. A. Mil ward : — 
 
 " The sweet expressions of regard in your kind letters from 
 Niton, can but prove highly gratifying to my feelings ; yet, I 
 confess, that some pain mingles with my pleasure, while I read 
 them ; which originates in a consciousness, that your affec- 
 tionate estimation of my friendship, vastly surpasses my poor 
 deservings ; not indeed as to the feelings and wishes of 
 my heart, but as respects the exertions which such feelings and 
 wishes ought to have produced, as the best evidence of my love 
 and interest towards you. 1 trust, however, that the near 
 prospect I have had of a separation from you by death, and 
 the self-reproach I have felt for being an unfaithful friend, — 
 together with prayer, and hope of amendment, — will, by Divine 
 help, enable us to find more comfort and benefit in our future 
 social intercourse ; and that as it regards myself, I shall not 
 fall so fiir short of the just claims you have upon me. Yet I 
 shrink when I consider what is implied in the term, a corifiden- 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 319 
 
 tial friend. To a conscientious and reflective mind, it im- 
 plies and enforces a serious engagement, especially in an elder^ 
 to point out any important, observed error, failing, or mistake 
 in judgment, spirit, or conduct; unfettered by the reluctance 
 to give pain, or the fear of offending ; together with an earnest 
 recommendation of the right line, — how contrary and irksome 
 soever it may prove to the natural inclination, preconceived 
 opinion, or former habits. All this, and much more, is surely 
 the bounden duty of a faithful friend. Believe me, my dear 
 Mary Anne, nothing less than the strongest afTection and in- 
 terest, — the most unbounded benevolence of mind, — the strictest 
 and most active principle of Christian integrity, — together with 
 the encouraging stimulus afforded by a willing and pleased re- 
 cipiency of such conmiunications, — can ever overcome the re- 
 luctancy of a feeling mind to the discharge of a task so painful, 
 and too often, thankless. Over-sensitiveness, and the fear of 
 being thought indelicate and obtrusive, too often puts to silence 
 the voice of duty. You must therefore expect still to find me, 
 not B. faithless, but a failing friend. To guard, as much as 
 possible, against future loss of profitable intercourse, I wish we 
 could make some practicable, well-formed plan, by which our 
 meeting together might be rendered more advantageous. Your 
 many and increasing occupations and engagements, have pre- 
 vented any regular and fixed visits. A mere flying call is un- 
 suitable to any thing but cursory chit-chat, which is not the 
 whole design of friendly intercourse. I am> well aware of 
 many difficulties and impediments that must arise, and oppose 
 our wishes to form a regular plan of meeting together: but I 
 propose the idea for your deliberation. A large and rich field 
 of intellectual, religious, and general subjects, — together with 
 interesting reading, — will pleasantly fill up us much time as 
 v/e can secure. Yet, alas I I am forgetting that 1 am old and 
 feeble; and shall often fail, not in inclination, but in strength 
 and capability. 
 
 " The interesting accounts of all that you are in the pleas- 
 ing enjoyment of in the Island, transports me, in mind and as- 
 sociation, in sweet companionship with you in your lovely 
 retreat and in your rambles and adventures; and will furnish 
 much pleasure in the retrospect, and in the communication, 
 when you return home. 1 quite anticipate your home-plea- 
 sures and Sunday-privileges, which you will re-tasfe with new 
 delight, and I trust with increased bcnejil : for this should be 
 the end proposed in all our pleasures." 
 
320 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 From the same to Miss C. Mil ward. 
 
 «* Your prompt compliance with my request contained in 
 your sister's letter, was kind, and very gratifying to me, and I 
 sincerely tliank you. It also leads me to hope for a more in- 
 terior and unreserved intimacy with you, than has been hith- 
 erto formed betv;een us ; and which has been prevented by 
 your absence from home, and other accidental circumstances. 
 With freneral society, persons who know any thing of this cold 
 deceitful world, will not desire much acquaintance; while in- 
 tercourse with select and valuable friends will be esteemed and 
 cultivated. Next to the enjoyment of heavenly communion, I 
 have ever considered communion with congenial and mutually 
 attached minds, one of the sweetest cordials that is to be ob- 
 tained in this poor world ; where, alas ! shadow instead of sub- 
 stance every where presents itself, in all sorts of delusive 
 forms ! I hope that my young friend will be one of the 
 favoured few, who are sufficiently persuaded of this sad report 
 of a sad world, from the testimony of the Bible; — and from 
 facts, that those who have tried it, have to record and relate, — 
 without being taught it from painful experience. Of what 
 mistake and falsehood are those persons guilty, who assert, 
 that religion produces a gloomy mind ! and that it requires the 
 sacrifice of the pleasures of life ! When none but the Christian 
 can, rationally, be gay at heart. Others may be outwardly 
 gay and smiling, because thoughtlessness and dissipation drive 
 away reflection : but let sickness or trouble overtake the vo- 
 taries of pleasure, or let them be reduced to solitude, — and 
 where then is their gaiety? Even in the midst of all the splen- 
 did spots of which you give me so pleasing a description, or in 
 any other which could be imagined, — the very idea of being 
 doomed for a whole life, or for several years only, to be quite 
 alone^ is sufficiently depressing to convince us at once of the 
 unsatisfying nature of ' the things which are seen.' This I 
 perceive dear Mary Anne has discovered, by her excellent re- 
 mark on the solitariness of Mount Cleves. 
 
 "I am glad your prejudice concerning Mr. , is removed 
 
 by reading his life. VVith other benefits gained from so excel- 
 lent a record, you will also obtain a very important lesson for 
 future use, namely, not to suffer your mind to be prejudiced or 
 biassed concerning any character, whether living or dead, by 
 hear-say, or by mere impression, or by appearance only. 
 Through life, we shall have to say to ourselves, ' Judge not by 
 
CHAP. VIII. FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 321 
 
 the outward appearance;' decide not without close investiga- 
 tion ; and neither [)raise nor censure but from examination." 
 
 Two private extracts remain, belonging to the year 1827. 
 The first, a memorandum written by Mrs. Hawkes on her 
 birth-day ; which, though unfinished, may suggest some heads 
 for profitable self-examination; — with another written at the 
 close of the year, in the form of a prayer. 
 
 Oct, 13, 1827. — " After another year of increased feeble- 
 ness and suffering, with a burdened weary body brought nigh 
 unto death by fresh attacks of disease; together with also 
 some peculiar spiritual mercies; I would ask my soul, what is 
 the record of this anniversary birth-day 1 What the request 1 
 What the confession? What the praise and thanksgiving? 
 First, what the record 1 " 
 
 Dec. 31, 1827. — "Adored, and most gracious Lord and 
 Saviour ! with unfeigned humility and thanksgiving do I ac- 
 knowledge thy free grace and mercy, in having vouchsafed to 
 me the aid of thy blessed Spirit, to help my many infirmities 
 in prayer and supplication this morning. Powerfully has my 
 heart been drawn near unto a throne of grace, and has been 
 poured out before Thee. Graciously has thine hand of mercy, 
 and love, replenished ray soul with precious applications of 
 pardons and promises, given, for thine own name's sake, to 
 me the chief of sinners. And now, O Thou that givest liberally 
 and upbraidest not, (much as I deserve the severest upbraid- 
 ings,) unto Thee, and under the shadow of thy wings, does my 
 soul flee with the favours and blessings which thou hast given, 
 to preserve them unto me; that neither Satan nor sin, those 
 robbers of my soul's best treasure, may take away what thou 
 hast been pleased to give. Keep, O Lord, that which I hum- 
 bly commit unto thee : keep me l>om that foul spirit who is 
 ever most vigilant when the soul is most enriched ; and either 
 takes away its jewels, or infuses pride, and self-righlcousness, 
 and self-complacency, to poison and despoil. 
 
 'Here I raise my Ebenezer, 
 Hither by thine help I'm come; 
 And I trust, by thy ?oo(l pleasure, 
 Safely to arrive at home.' " 
 
 With evidently feeble and trembling hand, the following two 
 lines are added at the early dawn of the new year : — 
 
 Jan. \st, 1828, One o'clock in the morning. 
 
 " Hear, O hear, my supplication ! 
 Make my heart thy habitation." 
 
322 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes had n«w been nearly twelve years in the same 
 apartments at Queen's Row, Pentonville. But it became ne- 
 cessary that she should remove at Midsummer; which in her 
 critical state of health, and rather strained circumstances, 
 naturally occasioned her some anxiety and perplexity. She 
 had indeed, from her friends in Buckinghamshire, renewed and 
 urgent entreaties to come and reside near them, with entire 
 emancipation from expense. How attractive soever such kind 
 friendship might seem, Mrs. Hawkes felt unable to avail her- 
 self of the offer. She thought it right to continue in the midst 
 of her numerous friends in town. She was, moreover, deeply 
 sensible that few cotdd be fully aware of her infirm and suf- 
 fering state: and true it was, that under all the effects of dis- 
 ease, the look of health, and the smile of serenity and cheer- 
 fulness, ever rested on her countenance, — till within a short 
 time of her death ; so that when lying on her couch, and in 
 lively conversation with her friends, her increased size alone 
 marked her as an invalid. The preservation of a measure of 
 general health in the midst of local disease, might, under the 
 divine blessing, be attributed — partly to her fine constitution, — 
 and partly to, (what in her circumstances might be called,) the 
 very self-denying use of all the means generally conducive 
 to bodily vigour. In reply to the kind offers of her valued 
 friends, she urges the impediment presented by her infirmities ; 
 as well as her want of certainty, that a removal from town 
 was the path marked out to her by providence. 
 
 " My state of health," she writes, " and way of living, is 
 only known l.o such as reside with me; for to occasional visi- 
 tors, little comparatively, of my feebleness and suffering is per- 
 ceptible, — because my spirits are generally good, and my looks 
 do not much vary. To myself, however, it is past all doubt 
 that, as Herbert says, — 
 
 * Death is still working like a mole, 
 And digs my grave at each remove.' 
 
 — that ' the night is far spent, and the day is at hand.' Solemn, 
 and longed-for day, that shall have no more clouds ! * 
 * * Dearly should I love to see you; but I fear I must 
 not indulge the hope of such a pleasure. 1 feel it truly gratify- 
 ing that my beloved friends do not give up their kind wish that 
 I should be a sojourner at Emberton, which will ever present 
 to me many almost irresistable attractions. All that has been 
 wanting to my willing mind, was a warrant with an indispu- 
 
CHAP. VIII. FR03I A. D. 1817 TO 1328. 323 
 
 table signature thereto affixed. In my changing life, I have 
 many times found it no small exercise of faith and pa- 
 tience, to have roads placed before me, without a ray of light 
 to mark which was the right. All I can hope is, that I am 
 where a gracious providence has cast my lot. I cannot say I 
 have no longing, but I have certainly now no debatings, con- 
 cerning future movements; my last remove is at hand; it is 
 always in my thoughts: and through mercy, in my peaceful 
 expectation. I should delight to talk with you, my beloved 
 Iriend, of all that passed in my mind and feelings since we 
 used to have sweet converse together ; and to receive your in- 
 teresting detail to the same effect. But if one of our sacred 
 poets be correct as he is elegant, we may hope to meet, 
 
 ' Where on a green and flowery mount, 
 Our willing souls shall sit ; 
 And with increasing joy recount, 
 The labours of our feet.' 
 
 " Until that happy deliverance of our vile bodies from sio 
 and death, let us never forget to pray for each other; and, as 
 often as we can, exchange a cheering word that may stimu- 
 late our too-often weary minds, in pressing forward to gain 
 our heavenly prize." 
 
 About the same period she writes to another friend in a simi- 
 lar strain of patient hope. After expressing her regret on ac- 
 count of apparent neglect, she goes on to say, — 
 
 " But I must pray for patience with myself, and willingness 
 to do nothing, and be nothing ; and to be more lost in adoring 
 contemplation of the patience and forbearance of a gracious God 
 and Saviour towards me, from day to day. I think, (at least I 
 hope,) that 1 do sink lower and lower in self-abasement, and self- 
 abhorrence ; and my prayer is, that this sinking may be accom- 
 panied with a stronger faith in Christ; — and that in sinking I 
 may rise, and climb ' the Rock that is higher than I.' My con- 
 tinuance on earth cannot be long ; — therefore would I stand with 
 girded loins, and a burning lamp. Much have I been favoured 
 of late in the sweet drawings of a Saviour's love; and in 
 consequence, much do I long to depart and be with Christ, 
 which is far better. But how much longer my suffering state 
 may yet be protracted, is best known to llim whose will and 
 pleasure it seems to continue me in the body, for the gracious 
 purpose of a further preparation for eternity, — and on account 
 
324 ME3I0IKS OF 3IRS. HAM KES. 
 
 of some to whom, through His power, I may be made an in- 
 strument of help and benefit. 
 
 *' Yes, I am, as you say, nearly seventy years of age! I 
 really cannot bear, except in some favoured seasons, to look 
 back upon my foolish sinful life. But when I am sweetly 
 brought to the foot of ihe cross, in the exercise of penitence, 
 faith and love, — when I dare to go minutely over the dreadful 
 catalogue, and present it to my Saviour to cross it out, and 
 bear it away, never to be heard of more in a way of condem- 
 nation. Let me excite you my dear friend, to look more at 
 the Saviour than on yourself; it is by loosing ourselves in Hhii 
 that \ve shall grow in every grace, and be transformed into 
 his image. To dwell upon what He is in Himself, and what 
 He is to us, and upon His stupendous plan of redemption for 
 us, enlarges the heart and the understanding, and raises us 
 above this grovelling world. 
 
 *' I rejoice in your success: but faith must still be your sheet 
 anchor, as well as mine, whether we have favours or no fa- 
 vours. May it be mightily increased in each of us, togeiher 
 with every other grace of the blessed Spirit!" 
 
 , To a clergyman with whom she had held much religious 
 intercourse, Mrs. Hawkes writes in the month of June, 1828, 
 as follows : — 
 
 *' I long for the favour of your sitting quietly by the side of my 
 couch, that I might have the delight of hearing you talk of 
 things new and old, as you used to do; and that I might ob- 
 tain answers to many questions which sometimes confuse my 
 mind. Seldom as 1 leave my room, save merely for an air- 
 ing, yet reports and rumours of what is passing in the world, 
 (I mean the religious world,) reach my ears, and eyes too, in 
 print, — such as make me feel the want of a wise interpreter, 
 close at hand. Not so much for my 07cn satisfaction, as for 
 the sake of many young persons who eagerly come to me, to 
 tell them what to believe of floating speculations and theories, 
 and what not : while at the same time, they support their no- 
 tions on the authority of such good and established teachers of 
 truth, as quite to shut my mouth ; and I cannot help feeling, 
 that these (speculations) to say the least of them, are the ' little 
 foxes' that are let into the vineyards to 'spoil the tender grapes.' 
 I do wish my revered friend, that you would take up your pen, 
 and send forth an alarm and caution to young converts ; for I 
 am in full evidence of the mischief that is doing by drawing 
 
CHAP. VllI FROM A. D. 1817 TO 1828. 325 
 
 fiff their minds from heart to head knowledge. Alas ! old as 
 I am, and having nothing left to attract or attach my mind to 
 earth, — yet because the sinful wretched idol se//", is left — I 
 find no time to spare for any other object or pursuit, than how 
 to keep my lamp burning, in readiness for my Lord's coming ; 
 and that by daily and hourly seeking to obtain oil from the sa- 
 cred and true Olive Tree, — and not oil that is doubtful, or adulter- 
 ated. Ah, we want our dear and revered father Cecil again 
 amongst us, to extinguish delusive lights by boldly holding 
 forth the torch of truth ! < Wilt thou not revive us again V 
 needs to be our cry. But so said our beloved father Cecil 
 years ago, when he preached upon that text." 
 
 In reference more particularly to her own experience, .Mrs. 
 Hawkes continues in the same letter: — 
 
 " With deep humiliation and thanksgiving, I trust I may 
 venture to say, ' Never less alone, than when alone.' Sweetly 
 does the adorable Saviour, who alone can be an ever-present 
 friend, invite, and frequently enable me to repose my cares, 
 and sorrows, and weariness, and pain, on his breast of tender- 
 ness and love, — although the clamours of true and just accusa- 
 tions of conscience, and of Satan himself, strive to affright, and 
 give the name of presumption to my, I trust, scriptural confi- 
 dence. Not one inch dare I stir but on Scripture warrant. 
 With that in my feeble hand of faith, and prostrate in self- 
 loathing, and self-renunciation, at the foot of the sacred cross, 
 — while tears of penitence and love, like those of Mary's, wash 
 the feet of my crucified Lord, — I am not afraid of being an 
 Antinomian. Nothing but free, sovereign grace and favour, 
 will meet my case, and bring peace to my soul. All the dif- 
 ference that I find in myself, after years of trials and experi- 
 ence, is, that I see sin, as sin, so dreadful and hateful, that I 
 know not where to hide my blushing face ; were it not for the 
 gracious displays of more abounding grace and love, and that 
 outstretched-hand of mercy, that draws me to hide myself in 
 the cleft of the Rock rent for me, the chief of sinners. I 
 would sink lower and lower yet, crying out, ' unclean, un- 
 clean,' — if also « I may be found in Him,' clothed in his spot- 
 less righteousness, and daily more transformed into the mind 
 and likeness of Christ. 
 
 " With regard to the dispute respecting assurance, I wish to 
 know your thoughts, rather than name my own. I can only 
 say, — happy are those who have it legitimately, — and happy 
 28 
 
326 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES, 
 
 are those who are seeking it humbly. But neither wise nor 
 profitable, nor, as I think, safe and sound, are the discussions 
 and arguments upon so sacred a topic. Our honoured father 
 Cecil used to say, ' Assurance is the daughter of experience.' 
 What echo do you give to that, dear sir? One mercy and 
 favour I am thankful for, — namely, though clouds sometimes 
 arise, I can climb to ' the Rock that is higher than I,' and cry 
 out, ' Though He slay me, yet will I trust in him.' But this is 
 a ' low state,' and ' little faith,' say our disputers, and ' scarcely 
 safe.' Well, I shall soon, 1 trust and expect, gain admittance, 
 * through the blood of the everlasting covenant,' into that king- 
 dom onightj where there is no darkness at all." 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 her' removal from QUEEN'S ROW, AND SUBSEQUENT 
 RESIDENCE IN CROSS STREET, ISLINGTON, 
 
 FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 
 
 Kindness of Mr. B . — Mrs. Hawkes's letters to this friend — Her tem- 
 porary abode at Highgate — Comfortable settlement in Cross Street — 
 Letter to a friend harassed by spiritual doubts and fears — Her views 
 of the Holy Trinity — Increasing humility — Letter of the Rev. .lohn 
 Berridge — Of the Rev. Joseph Milner — Visitation of severe sickness — 
 Letter to Mrs. Y — , in which she notices the death of Mrs. Cecil — Let- 
 ter to a relative on the subject of entering the ministry — To Mr. E. T. 
 Jones, on prayer — Letters to the Rev. R. Waldo Sibthorp. 
 
 Among those friends who valued Mrs. Hawkes's society, 
 there was one, well known for his benevolence and christian 
 character, an old hearer of Mr. Cecil's, and who by his liberali- 
 ties towards his afllicted minister had occasioned the remark, 
 that he and his equally generous partner were like the Mace- 
 donians, who, " to their power, and beyond their power, had 
 administered to the saints." During the latter years of Mrs. 
 Hawkes's life, Mr. B — , the friend of whom we are speaking, 
 was continually tendering his kind offices, and endeavouring 
 to administer to her comfort, — as will appear, by the repeated 
 
CHAP. IX FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 327 
 
 expressions of acknowledgment 'which occur in her letters to 
 
 Mr. B ; whose ready kindness was now shewn hy offers 
 
 to assist Mrs. Hawkes in procuring suitable apartments, on her 
 being obliged to leave Queen's Row ; and to which she replies 
 in the following note: 
 
 " Your kind message, my dear sir, was communicated to 
 me by Mrs. Collyer, and has my sincere and grateful thanks. 
 If you please, 1 will request you to render me assistance by 
 condescending to allow my good Ann a place in your chaise. 
 It will be doing me great service that she may be saved long 
 walks, — for her strength is much worn away by the weight 
 under which she has, for so many years, put her willing 
 shoulder for my sake. My first enquiry will be at Highgate, 
 and my next at Kilburn; and if at the latter, I will thankfully 
 avail myself of your kind help, as you are now residing on the 
 spot. That no favourable place of worship will be within my 
 reach, is less an obstacle than formerly ; — because, v/ere there 
 one at the next door, I should be sadly prevented from attend- 
 ing. Tet the being near to a sacred Temple is a pleasure as 
 well as pain to a poor prisoner. Soon, however, the dis-im- 
 prisoned spirit shall leave its earthly cage, and soar away to 
 that blessed city where ' no temple is therein ; for the Lord 
 God Almighty, and the Lamb are the Temple of ii'.' There, 
 I trust, I shall strike my harp with yours, in songs of loudest 
 praise! And here, also, while pilgrims in this conflicting 
 world, may we tune our harps, (unstrung as they often are by 
 sin and sorrow,) till our high praises rise higher and higher to 
 him who hath loved us, — and who daily manifests his love and 
 <2are, — till they mingle at length with heavenly strains." 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes next notices her departure from Queen's Row 
 to a temporary lodging : — 
 
 Friday, June 27, 1828.— "I am this day leaving Queen's 
 Row, after a residence of nearly twelve years I Years filled up 
 with many sufferings and troubles; and also many mercies, 
 and gracious soul-enjoyments, — praised be the Lord ! And nov/ 
 I am literally going out, I know not whither. But my soul 
 hangeth on the God of Abraham; He being my Almighty 
 Friend, I need not fear: while by an assured faith I can say, 
 « If my earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved I have 
 a building of God,' — all is well, all is mercy, even though I had 
 not where to lay my head." 
 
328 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 From this temporary lodging, she again addressed her friend, 
 Mr. B , as follows : — 
 
 Penton Places July 19, 1828. 
 " My tlear sir, 
 
 " When our valued friend, Mr. Hodson,told you I was very 
 anxious about lodgings, — he told you truth ; I am much more 
 so than I ought to be. A stronger faith would rest quietly on 
 (he everlasting promises. It is not, however, so much about 
 country lodgings that 1 am anxious, as what I shall do for a 
 place of more permanency when my little country recess is 
 over. I am ashamed that an old pilgrim, who has been with- 
 out what may be really called a hov^e for thirty years, should 
 now faint in her journey because no Inn seems at hand, — when 
 it is absolutely said, ' the Lord will provide.' ' J f thou faintest 
 in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.' Yes alas ! my 
 strength is small, and my stature in grace is that of a dwarf 
 I am very thankful that you, my most kind friend, remember 
 me in your prayers ; may they, by the help of the Blessed 
 Spirit, be raised to importunity on my behalf. 
 
 " Accept my best thanks for your very nice present. The 
 ham was truly as delicate and savoury as could be eaten. 
 " Your affectionate, and grateful, 
 
 " S. Hawkes." 
 
 By the exertions of Mrs. Hawkes's friends, comfortable lodg- 
 ings were obtained for her at Highgate — where she went in the 
 month of August, and remained nearly five months. While 
 there, she wrote the following memorandums : — 
 
 Prospect Buildings, Sept. 1828. — ''I would fain 'set me 
 up way-marks;' and in sincere humiliation, reverence, and 
 gratitude, trace the Lord's dealings with me, (and something 
 of my varied experience therein,) during my stay in this plea- 
 sant tent, which I must soon exchange for another. Oh may 
 the same Divine hand of love and mercy point out my future 
 way ! and lead me, as it hath in great forbearance and com- 
 passion ever led me, until my painful changes end in everlast- 
 ing rest ! 
 
 " 1 would fain keep in remembrance all that I have been 
 passing through — especially during the last six or eight months 
 — and the gracious instructions which have, I trust, been im- 
 printed on my heart by the Blessed Spirit, who alone teaches 
 to profit. If I mistake not. He has vouchsafed to be working 
 
ciiAr. IX FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 329 
 
 His own sacred work very powerfully in my soul ; in the way 
 of convincincT me of sins past,— springing from my corrupt 
 nature and deceitful heart,— and of indwelling sin, still pre- 
 sent : in the way of lender meltings, self-emptying, and reduc- 
 ing all that is whhin me to God ; causing me to cry out, ' O 
 wretched creature that I am !' ' Save, Lord, or I perish !' " 
 
 Oct. 13, 1828,,— "This anniversary of my birth-day hatli 
 entered me upon the 70th year of my age ! « 1 am as a won- 
 der unto many,' but most of all to myself, that after so many 
 years of sickness, and varied afflictive pressures, life should 
 have attained to such an age ! Nothing can be more plain 
 than that it is the will and good pleasure of the Lord that so it 
 should be. May his holy will and purpose in prolonging so 
 unuseful and unworthy a life, be fully answered and accom- 
 plished, in a full preparation for eternal life 1 
 
 " Some preceding months have been marked with extraor- 
 dinary trials and sorrows, in addition to my usual ones, — and 
 with corresponding solemnity of mind, and enlarged experi- 
 ence. No painter's or poet's' touch, could delineate my views 
 and feelings, and sentiments, while I have been made to retire 
 (if I may so speak) from creature converse, and shut my doors 
 about me; arid lay open every inmost thought of my heart,^ 
 under the deepest sense I ever had, of the all-searching eye of 
 God upon me ; and of all the sins of my past life, both before, 
 and especially after, conversion. Oh that I might ever bear 
 in remembrance the reflections, the impressions, the tears and 
 prayers, the humblings,— and yet the supports and encourage- 
 ments, — of these solemn seasons of soul-transactions with God, 
 in my depths of trouble! which can never be known but be- 
 tween myself and God. Praised be his name ! unto Him have 
 1 cried, and he hath heard me, and doth hear, the voice of my 
 supplication : and doth in mercy correct me for my profit. Fie 
 hath, as I trust, been teaching" me, and sealing me with re- 
 newed sealings of His Holy S'pirit, to the farther enlargement, 
 and establishment, of faith and hope in Christ, my Lord and 
 Saviour. My prayer and hope is, that I am entering into this 
 year added to my painful pilgrimage, more weaned from earth, 
 and from creature comforts and dependencies ; and that I am 
 entering, in a larger measure, into a hidden life with Christ in 
 God; — and pressing forward in the exercising myself, by his 
 grace, unto all godliness.— until the warfare be ended, and the 
 victory be gained, through Jesus Christ, who is my only hope 
 of salvation. Death, if I mistake not, is drawing very near to 
 23* 
 
830 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 me ; my night is far spent ; the day is at hand ;— ' Bless the 
 Lord, O my soul.' " 
 
 While at Highgate. Mrs. Havvkes was not forgetful of her 
 young friends and relatives lately mentioned ; but followed them 
 by her letters, to Leamington, where they had retired for the 
 season. Writing to Miss M. A. Milward she says : — 
 
 " 1 have thought of you all, my dear loves, with intense in- 
 terest ever since your departure to Leamington ; and in my 
 mind, (and purpose when able.) 1 have written a long letter 
 to you, beginning with the enquiry, how my dearest young 
 friends were walking throu-gh ' vanity fair?' for such is this 
 world at large, — and especially such as are all public rendezvous 
 for summer visitors, i have been the more anxious, because 
 of the want of those means of grace v/ith which you are so 
 highly favoured in London. It seems, however, that God is 
 teaching you by means which are often made more really ef- 
 fective than what may be afforded in even the best public teach- 
 ing. The lessons taught by affliction, reach the heart, divested 
 of those accompaniments which, through self love and our na- 
 ture's frailty, are too apt to divert the attention in public ordi- 
 nances : and thus prevent, in no small measure, the arrow of 
 gospel truth from penetrating and fixing, so as to become effi- 
 cacious, and universally operative upon the heart and life. My 
 dear young friends are not now beginning to learn that true 
 peace and happiness are not of this world's growth or produc- 
 tion : and I trust they will, from their present painful dispen- 
 sation, be more and more confirmed in their persuasion of it ;. 
 and be led with more earnestness and delermination, to obtain 
 not only the approbation, but the personal possession of that 
 treasure of v/hich nothing can rob them ; and which most dis- 
 covers its superiority and intrinsic value, in limes of trouble 
 and affliction." 
 
 To Miss Milward, after her return from Leamington. Mrs* 
 Hawkes writes as follows: — 
 
 *' You were each much upon my mind to-day, when en- 
 gaged in my usual early morning exercises. By a better help 
 than my own, (for of ourselves we can do nothing,) I was en- 
 abled to pray fervently that each of my dear young friends, 
 while, with gladdened heart, they would this day re-enter their 
 valued and loved place of worship, might meet therein a new 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 331 
 
 token of special love and grace from Him, who alone can bless 
 them. Since, as I trust, my supplications were not of my 
 own dictating, it will not, I hope, appear like want of modesty 
 if I endeavour to retrace any part of them, however imper- 
 fectly, on paper; and may your own hearts say, Amen! All- 
 gracious Lord, and Saviour! while according to thy promise, 
 thou art present to bless thy true worshippers assembled this 
 day in thy house of prayer, vouchsafe to look with tender pity 
 and love on my young friends, whom thy kind providence 
 hath brought again to the sanctuary, wherein, through thy 
 great mercy, Thou hast appointed them a place. O let thy 
 Holy Spirit, in an especial manner, new create their souls ; and 
 by his shining, discovering light, shew them more sensibly 
 their need of a Saviour; and lead them to Him with a true, 
 broken, and contrite heart ; that with saving faith they may 
 surrender and dedicate themselves anew, body, soul, and spirit, 
 to be entirely the Lord's. O give them grace to renounce 
 wholly the pomps and vanities of this deceitful world ; and 
 give them such a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, and such 
 love to him, and to his blessed word and ordinances, as shall 
 lead them to hate and forsake all sin, to walk as children of 
 light in all thy holy ways, and to 'count all things as dung 
 and dross,' so that living and dying, they ' may win Christ, 
 and be found in him ;' that they may not only have the name 
 to live, but be real partakers of spiritual and eternal life. 
 
 " Such, with many other requests for you all, is the lan- 
 guage of the heart of, 
 
 •' Your obliged and alfectionate, 
 
 " Sarah Hawkes." 
 
 Highgate, Nov. 16, 1828. 
 
 '' P. S. Remember, I am longing to see you." 
 
 The following letter to her friend Mr. B , is important, 
 
 as it furnishes an additional declaration of" the testimony of a 
 good conscience." Drawn out by a person of unfeigned piety to 
 speak upon the subject of her soul's prosperity, she with much 
 ingenuous simplicity acknowledges her advancement in spirit- 
 ual tilings. In this letter Mrs. Hawkes refers to another of 
 those severe and dangerous attacks of illness, to which, be- 
 sides the burden of her ordinary complaints, she was more 
 especially subject towards the close of her life. It is pleasing 
 to record her acknowledgments of the seasonable and aifec- 
 lionate oflerin^s of Christian love, from one who was careful 
 not to let his left hand know what his right hand did. 
 
332 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 From Mrs. Hawkes to Mr. B . 
 
 Nov. 1828. 
 " My dear Sir, 
 
 " I have this day, together with your usual kind 
 supply of good things, received your demand for my long 
 promised letter; which, though not worth sending, shall be 
 forthcoming, just as it is, as a proof of my obedience to your 
 request. I confess I am not so willing to obey your very 
 strict prohibitions against acknowledging your many kind 
 favours. I can truly say, I have not expressed any thing at 
 all adequate to convey my grateful feelings for your Christian 
 friendship, and remembrance of one whom you consider to be 
 of the household of faith. Alas! how unworthy a member 
 can only be known to myself! and to Hi7n, who nevertheless 
 does not, as I deserve, cast me out of his blessed family. How- 
 ever, I pray j^ou, my dear friend, to remember that though it 
 is written, ' It is more blessed to give than to receive,' yet the 
 receiver may surely have the gratification of returning thanks 
 to the giver; which is but a poor return, or rather no return 
 at all for what is received. I will, notwithstanding, try, to 
 bear in mind your prohibition, so as not lo wound so refined 
 and generous a feeling as is thereby portrayed. 
 
 " I am thankful to an ever-faithful and gracious God, that I 
 can answer your kind enquiries concerning my best welfare, 
 by bearing such a humble testimony to the Lord's great good- 
 ness and mercy towards me, as will, 1 am sure, dispose your 
 heart to unite with mine in a song of praise. The adorable 
 Saviour has vouchsafed so to manliest himself, according to his 
 blessed promise, and to draw me so nigh unto himself during 
 my late serious illness, as led me to expect and anticipate that 
 he was about to take his ransomed one home ; far away from 
 this world of sin and sorrow, and from this vile body of sin and 
 death. But the removal of the attack, together with some 
 small measure of renewed strength, seems to signify that it is 
 His holy will that my painful warfare should continue a little 
 longer. Pray for me, my dear and valued friend, as I do for 
 myself, that all that is within me may say, ' Lord! not as i 
 will but as thou wilt.' ' The cup which my Father hath given 
 me, shall I not drink it?' But the power of all-sufiicient 
 grace alone can make me willing to endure, as long as he is 
 pleased to a])point. During some passing montliS, T have been 
 under very deep trial ; for that is a trial which is made so at 
 the time it is sent, of what sort soever it may be. That mav 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 333 
 
 prove a heavy, heart-sickening trouble at one time, which, on 
 the retrospect, may make us wonder we could feel so much 
 about it. When, however, a trial is sent from God, it is sent 
 to prove and try what is in the heart ; and it shall not be sent 
 in vain. I greatly desire that I may retain in my remem- 
 brance, as long as I live, the discoveries that have been made 
 to me, and that yet continue to be made, concerning my vile 
 and loathsome self ; most of all since my profession of faith, 
 and the manifestation of the abounding, — yes, more abound- 
 ing ! grace, compassion, and love of God in Christ, to such a 
 hell-deserving sinner. Ah ! there are heights, and depths, and 
 lengths, and breadths in both, which the Holy Spirit alone can 
 reveal; and which I believe can only be known in the sober, 
 solemn night of affliction. Therefore I do join my testimony 
 to that of David's, ' It is good for me that I have been afflict- 
 ed.' And I desire to be made willing that my affliction should 
 continue as long as a faithful soul-healing God should see it 
 needful ; although at times, heart and flesh seem ready to faint 
 and fail. 
 
 " I hope when I return to town, that we shall have opportu- 
 nities of conversing on the best things, and talk of all our mer- 
 cies. 1 should be half inclined to settle in some milder and 
 less exposed spot in Highgate, were it not that the distance 
 would separate me so much from the society of dear friends, 
 who could seldom visit me here. In younger years I delighted 
 in seclusion, being always able to make my books my sole 
 companions. But I find that hoary hairs, and ill-health, re- 
 quire a moderate degree of kind and cheerful society. 
 
 " Earnestly entreating the continuance of your prayers, the 
 greatest kindness which your benevolent heart can grant, 
 " Believe me, my dear Sir, to remain, 
 
 " Your grateful and alTectionate, 
 
 " S. Hawkes." 
 
 In the month of December, Mrs. Hawkes left Highgate, and 
 settled in Cross street, Islington. In a memorandum written 
 at the opening of the year 1829, she expresses the satisfac- 
 tion she felt on being received into the house of Mr. and Mrs. 
 T . 
 
 Jan. 1. 1829. — ''Having been received, through the tender 
 care of my heavenly Father, into this kind family, I would ac- 
 knowledge the mercy; and encourage myself to hope and be- 
 lieve, that this is a token for good, and a condescending pledge 
 
334 3IE3IOIRS OF MKS. HAWKE3 
 
 that the Lord will be gracious and merciful from the beginning 
 to the end of the year, and also the end of my painful pilgrim- 
 age. I seem as one needing time to collect together my dis- 
 tracted and confused thoughts respecting the extraordinary im- 
 provement in my present situation, compared with the last in 
 Queen's Row. Here 1 raise my Ebenezer, and desire to look 
 up for a blessing on m}^ new abode. The last year has been 
 one of many trials, and much feebleness and sorrow. I have 
 been led by a way that I knew not ; and faith has been put to 
 hard conflicts and struggles. But, blessed be God, who chose 
 my way, he did not forsake me in it ; and he hath brought me 
 out of it with much spiritual gain, and with praise and thanks- 
 giving. This hath encouraged me to enter on the new year 
 with tears of contrition, hope, and fresh dedication of all I 
 have and am ; desiring to live wholly and unreservedly to Him, 
 in whom alone is my portion and refuge. 'Thou, O God, art 
 the thing that I long for.' It is not the removal of my suffer- 
 ings and sorrows that I seek, but the light of thy countenance, 
 the indwelling presence of my adorable Saviour, and grace to 
 abide in him, and to bring forth more fruit, ripe fruit, to the 
 glory of my God, v.'ho hath, as I trust, ' made with me an 
 everlasting covenant, ordered in all things and sure,' and this 
 is all my salvation, and all my desire, — yes, all my desire.'''' 
 
 Writing to an intimate friend, whose mind was harrassed by 
 some perplexing doubts and fears with regard to spiritual sub- 
 jects, she says : — 
 
 " Ah, to be a simple, child-like believer, is a noble, happy 
 aim! I see for myself how those grow in grace, and become 
 established in faith, who are as little children, taking in what- 
 ever truth they are taught, without hesitation, unbelief or dis- 
 putation. Upon this subject Mr. S. conversed with me the 
 other day most delightfully. He was speaking of the advan- 
 tao-e of bein*'- strono- in faith. I remarked, But some are weak, 
 and are apt to say, This and that promise is not for me : — 
 (very much vour own words.) With a wonderful animation 
 he replied, ' Who are the promises for? Such a thought should 
 never enter into the mind of any one who is seeking God. 
 What is our claim to them? emptiness, — poverty, — misery, — 
 impotency ; but we w^ant to take something in our hand. Evi- 
 dences are essential in their place : but we must not try to fill 
 our hand with them, or with any other qualification, when we 
 go to mercy's door, — mercy, free and sovereign mercy, — is 
 our only plea; and Christ our only hope. Many persons puz- 
 
CHAP. ix.--FR03r A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 335 
 
 zle themselves greatly about faith, and many other points, to 
 their hurt, discomfort, and sad hindrance ; when, if they would 
 take the Scriptures as they are given, to him who has given 
 them, and plead the promises, they would have spiritual health 
 and comfort. Faith is the gift of God, and we must look to 
 him for it every moment, and not expect to draw it up out of 
 any well of our own.' 1 asked him, How are creatures that 
 are ever failing, and coming short of all they desire, and ought 
 to be, to know if they are sincere? Ke replied, *From con- 
 sciousness, by which they know in other matters their integ- 
 rity." 1 again asked, How, with such a cold heart as mine, 
 shall I know that I love God ? Mr. S. replied, ' I never in all 
 my life sat down to ask myself if I loved my wife and children, 
 or set myself to find out marks to prove it.' 
 
 " Now, my dearest , this is what you want; even to do 
 
 constantly, what you feel enabled sometimes to do, — to hide 
 yourself in Christ. And when you are troubled with accusa- 
 tions, either from within or without — allow that they are all 
 true, more and more in addition, blacker and yet more black, 
 — and then go, like Mary, and wash the Saviour's feet with 
 your tears; there waiting till he shall say, 'Thy faith hath 
 saved thee ; go in peace.' Pray for a full measure of the spirit 
 of adoption. ' We have not received the spirit of bondage, 
 again to fear.' Legal, slavish fear, is a state of torment; it 
 will cleave to us as long as self has any prevalence. I can 
 truly say, that whenever my thoughts turn upon any thing like 
 self-complacency in spirituals, — which is too often, — I want to 
 spit it out, as I should a nasty taste out of my mouth. No, no, 
 ' poor, and blind, and miserable, and naked,' we must be con- 
 tent, (yea pleased,) to be in our own eyes, and in the eyes of 
 others ; and then we shall know what that means, ' Buy of me 
 gold tried in the fire.' 
 
 " Let your mind and thoughts, my dear, be more occupied 
 with the Scriptures. I find nothing so ennobling, — so enlarg- 
 ing, — so elevating, and purifying. When we read the word, 
 looking only to be taught by the Spirit, we receive not only 
 the opening of the understanding, but, at the same time, all the 
 graces of the Spirit richly poured out upon the searcher after 
 spiritual knowledge; for he loves to be munificent." 
 
 This year furnishes but one more letter, addressed to Miss 
 C. Milward, while at Malvern, from which the following is an 
 extract : — 
 
 "The beautiful scenery you describe — the fine pure air you 
 
336 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 breathe — the simple country rambles you take — the favoured 
 exemption from worldly and gay society — the unrestrained 
 freedom of pursuing, in the way that is right, all your designs 
 — does surely comprise real, and rational pleasure. Yet it 
 would not fully answer the name of Christian happiness and 
 enjoyment, were not all these pleasures combined and sweet- 
 ened by more sacred and divine sources of delight. After the 
 feasting of the outward senses, and the rational and intellectual 
 faculties of the mind, — the highest, sweetest, and most sublime 
 enjoyment we can taste on earth, is, to retire to the secret 
 chamber, and shut our doors upon us, and in prayer and read- 
 ing the sacred Scriptures, hold communion with the holy and 
 blessed Trinity, — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, — one God; 
 unseen, yet ever present to the eye of faith. This is a taste 
 of heaven below; and next to this amazing favour, granted to 
 poor sinful worms through the free grace of the everlasting 
 covenant, comes the true and sweet pleasure of free intercourse 
 with a Christian friend, — well-informed, well-aulhenticaied in 
 character, and spiritual endowment — such as, by your descrip- 
 tion, you now have in your minister, Mr. ." 
 
 The frequent and particular manner in which Mrs. Hawkes 
 mentions the persons of the Holy Trinity, may be worthy of 
 notice. She w^as not accustomed to use " words of course" in 
 speaking on religious subjects ; her phraseology was expres- 
 sive of ideas connected with her Christian experience. She 
 had enlarged and scriptural views of the different offices sus- 
 tained by the several persons of the Holy Trinity, in the work 
 of redemption. And as she received, by degrees, more and 
 more of the true spirit of adoption, she was led with adoring 
 gratitude, and humble reverence, to hold communion with a 
 Triune God ; and could say with the apostle, " Truly our fel- 
 lowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ." 
 1 John i. 3. That fellowship with the saints, and the excel- 
 lent of the earth, in which, with David, she had always taken 
 so great delight, — was now becoming, through her growing 
 weakness, much interrupted. But her necessarily increased 
 solitude became a means, whereby she was more especially 
 enabled to enter into those high privileges of the godly, men- 
 tioned in Isaiah xxxiii. "He shall dwell on high ; thine eyes 
 shall see the King in his beauty : " and thus she found a place 
 of defence, which was to her as *• the munitions of rocks." To 
 such experience the next memorandum relers : — 
 
 Cross Street, Oct. 13, 1829. — "Still another unexpected an- 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 337 
 
 niversary of my birth-day ! The verse of Scripture in my 
 text-book this morning, is most delightful, Psalm xxxi. 20. 
 *Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence.' Has not 
 this blessed favour been vouchsafed to me through every suc- 
 ceeding year of my whole life, — and strikingly through the 
 last ? None but my sinful, v/retched, helpless, afflicted, un- 
 worthy self, — and a forbearing, compassionate, covenant-keep- 
 ing God, can ever know what a monument of mercy and long- 
 suffering I consider myself to be ! 1 stand amazed and, I 
 hope, abased and humbled to the dust, on the retrospect of 
 every passing year; and more particularly on the year since 
 my spiritual birth, and long and varied afflictions. 1 can truly 
 say, ' The remembrance of my sins is grievous unto me, and 
 the burden (but for hope in Christ) intolerable.' When I en- 
 deavour to review the Lord Jehovah's gracious, long-suffering, 
 and merciful dealings with me, overwhelming recollections so 
 crowd on my mind, that every attempt to record them is im- 
 practicable. By the help of the Divine Remembrancer, they 
 shall all be mentioned, over and over, in penitential tears, con- 
 fessions, supplications, and thanksgiving, — in deepest prostra- 
 tion of soul, at the foot of the blessed cross ; whereat, when the 
 Holy Spirit melts my wretched heart, I alone taste of true, 
 substantial happiness ; and raise my feeble, unworthy, — but 
 sweetest — hallelujahs ! 
 
 *' I do hope, and trust, that through the eternal Spirit's help 
 and teaching, and by means of the blessed word, the sacred 
 entrance of which giveth wisdom unto the simple — and by the 
 sanctification of all my afflictions — I do hope, that I am enter- 
 ing another year of my life, with some more reality of self- 
 abhorrence, and self-renunciation ; and with more simple 
 clinging unto Christ, and dependence upon Him, as my only 
 hope and refuge; with mournings over the sins and failings of 
 the last year; with more lively gratitude for my innumerable 
 mercies ; and with a warm and sincere desire, that my few re- 
 maining painful days may be filled with His praise, who fol- 
 lows me with loving-kindness and tender mercies. May my 
 converse with Christian friends, praise Him ; May my solitary 
 times, praise Him ! May my pain and weakness, through the 
 power of Christ resting upon me, praise Him ! And in death, 
 may I, most of all, — praise Him I Amen." 
 
 At the opening of the year 1830, Mrs. Hawkes writes to her 
 nephew, Mr. E. T. Jones, as follows : — 
 
 " I have felt much regret that I have not been able to write 
 29 
 
338 3IEM0IRS OF 3IRS. HAWKES. 
 
 to my dear nephew long before this. But truly my inability, 
 and numerous infirmities, render it the most difficult thing pos- 
 sible for me to get a letter written — which I lament. Sure I 
 am, that if my friends were only to witness all that I have to 
 undergo every succeeding day, their only wonder would be, 
 that any sort of exertion could be attempted by so burdened a 
 creature. There is however One, blessed be His name! who 
 knou's minutely our whole case, whether it respects body or 
 soul. Oh ! for a heart to comprehend His infinite love and 
 compassion ! While we see, and feel, our continual sinfulness, 
 our innumerable corruptions, our want of faith, love, and re- 
 signation to Flis holy will, our carnality of mind, — in short, 
 our poverty, and want of every grace which should be found 
 flourishing in our souls, — He that so loved us as to give Him- 
 self for us, sees infinitely worse in us than we do in ourselves. 
 Yet He loves, and pities, and forgives, and heals ; — for why ? 
 for His own name's sake : because it hath pleased him, whose 
 sovereign prerogative it is to will and to do according to his 
 own good pleasure, to translate us out of Satan's kingdom, and 
 to set his love upon us, which changeth not; to make such an 
 atonement, and to work such a righteousness, as shall expiate 
 and cover all our sins ; and also to give his sanctifying Spirit, 
 that we may be formed into His likeness, (who is^) the glory 
 of the blessed, Three-one Lord, Jehovah ! Is He not justly 
 named, ' Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, the Ever- 
 lasting Father, The Prince of Peace.' 
 
 " While I continually ask myself^ allow me my dear nephew, 
 to ask you, — what is our growing knowledge, our increasing 
 faith, love and holy conformity to this glorious One? Is He 
 our Beloved above all others'/ Do we seek and delight to 
 walk and talk with him ? and to keep so very close to Him, that 
 no earthly object may force, or slide in, to draw our hearts 
 away from communion with Him? Do we find that we are 
 able to exalt Him more, — to bring forth fruit to his praise, — 
 and to bring others to the savino; kno\vled2;e of Plim, whom to 
 know is life eternal? For myself, I find it a stimulus, (as I 
 am sure I do an occasion of great humiliation,) to make these 
 self enquiries in the presence of Him who knowelh us better 
 than we can ever know ourselves. Surely no enquiry can be 
 
 1 These words seem to have been accidentaUij omitted ; but if not, the 
 sense may still be correct, — as will appear by comparing the following 
 passages— Gen. i. 27. Ex. xxviii. 36. Isa. xlvi. 13. Ps. xlv. 13. Rom. 
 viii. 39, compared with Heb. i. 3. 1 John iii. 2. Rev. xxi, 11.— Eu. 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1628 TO 1832. 339 
 
 lYiore suitable, and important at the beginning of a new year. 
 May the blessed Spirit help my beloved nephew, and me his 
 aged and unworthy aunt, to open the inmost recesses of our 
 hearts to receive that light which maketh mcinifest ! that we 
 may discover what is wanting in ourselves, and see still more of 
 that matchless Saviour, out of whose fulness all our wants are 
 freely supplied. 
 
 " But it is lime to check my pen : after first assuring you of 
 my truly affectionate and thankful sense of your kind care, 
 and remembrance of your aged aunt, — not only worn and 
 pressed down by disease and infirmities — but, old age has 
 come upon me, having entered into the seventy-first year of 
 my earthly pilgrimage! Hence, f^-om a double cause, the 
 springs of life are dried up, and heart and fiesh faileth ; and 
 were it not that infinite mercy enables me to say, 'But God 
 is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever,' I should 
 indeed utterly faint and be dismayed. Oh ! for a thousand 
 tongues to praise the Saviour's love, who hath said, and still 
 makes His promise good. ' 1 will never leave thee, nor for- 
 sake thee.' « He giveth power to the faint, and to them that 
 have no might he increaseth strength. Fie gives me abundant 
 cause to praise and trust Him for mercies, temporal, as well 
 as spiritual. 
 
 *' Ever yours, " S. H." 
 
 Under the same pressing sense of infirmity, she writes about 
 this time, to a friend of her early years as follows : — 
 
 " The days are come upon me when the « grasshopper is a 
 burden ;' and when I am ready to say, even to those beloved 
 friends in whose kind visits, and Christian converse, I have had 
 so much delight, — and whom I ever do love, — 'Cease then, 
 and let me alone !' Some days for an hour or so, I seem to 
 revive, and make an attempt to rally my enfeebled powers; 
 but I soon fail, and am forced to yield to a state of debility 
 of which I can give no idea ; any more than I can of the dis- 
 ease, oppressive weight, and restlessness of my body. Yet, 
 as usual, very little of all this suffering is perceived by any 
 who are not with me night and day.^ I find this state of 
 
 I This remark was surprisingly true, and will appear very astonishing, 
 when the whole nature of her complaints is made known — as also is the 
 next clause, respecting the unimpaired vigour of her mental faculties. — 
 El). 
 
340 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 extreme exhaustion very trying, and unhinging to my mind, 
 which through mercy is yet vigorous, and longs to be on the 
 wing, while its heavy companion bears it doMn. What 
 a mercy that the load is on the body, and not on the soul! 
 What a favour that I can say, though my natural strength be 
 departed, ' the Lord is not departed from me ; He is my strength, 
 and my song, and my portion for ever.' 
 
 "I wish I could tell you of the kind and gracious leadings, and 
 upholding of his merciful hand ; what are the teachings of his 
 blessed Spirit, in all I have been passing through, since you 
 and I saw each other face to face. I should love to hear all 
 the way that you also have been led, since that time ; which I 
 trust, might be profitable to us, and lead us to offer our mutual 
 praises to the God and Father of all our mercies. But probably 
 we must wait until we meet in heaven to tell of the wonders 
 of His love, and give Him glory. 
 
 " I have experienced deep trial from within and without ; 
 so that I have said, ' The Lord is leading me now in a way 
 that I know not ; and my faith is called to fight battles, new 
 and strange, with a host of spiritual enemies, (as well as out- 
 ward trials) that gather together against me. But well am I 
 assured, that the design and end of every dispensation is one 
 and the same, namely, that our heavenly Father will, by these 
 things form us for Himself. I never had a more solemn and 
 deep sense of what is our high calling in Christ Jesus than 1 
 have now: or of what is meant by being a Christian indeed 
 — having our ' life hidden with Christ in God' — and daily 
 showing forth the fruits thereof to His praise. Nor did I 
 ever feel a deeper humiliation that I am yet so much wanting, 
 and am so weak in thus living by faith in the Son of God. I 
 believe that as we draw nearer to eternity, our views of our- 
 selves, and of God, will lead to such discoveries, through the 
 enlightenings of the blessed Spirit and the Scriptures, as will 
 lead us, like Job, to put our mouth to the very dust, and cry, 
 'Behold I am vile;' and will also promote such an establish- 
 ment in faith, such dependence on Jesus Christ, and on his 
 new and everlasting covenant, — as shall enable us to say, 
 ' Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him.' To be emp- 
 tied of self, and to live and abide in Christ, and be found in 
 Him, is a divine work, — wrought in us by various means, 
 through the sanctification of the Spirit. I do hope that I am 
 taught, through grace, to know something more of the hidden 
 life ; and to leel that the life to which we are called, consists 
 in turning quite away from self-choosing, self-trusting, and in- 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 341 
 
 deed from self, and created things, both good and bad : — and 
 that we are under gracious training, by that discipline which 
 our great Sanctitier sees needful, in order to bring us to live, 
 and move, and have our being in Christ, our living head. — 
 Blessed be His name, that he doth give me to taste much 
 sweetness in all my affliction ; and to see, that to depend sim- 
 ply on the blessed promises of a faithful covenant-keeping God, 
 is my only way of obtaining peace, comfort, and stability. In 
 this way of wholesome discipline, has the Lord been graciously 
 training yoii^ my dear for many years, as well as your un- 
 worthy old friend ; and by the new disappointments, and more 
 clouded prospects which you mention, the great and good Hus- 
 bandman of your soul is still further pruning, and purging 
 away, what may hinder your bearing more fruit, — and also 
 perfecting what is lacking in your laith and love. Hear the 
 Saviour speaking to you, as though with your outward eyes 
 and ears you saw Him, and heard him saying, ' Fear none of 
 these things ; only believe : said 1 not unto thee, that if thou 
 wouldst believe, thou shouldst see the glory of God.' The 
 precious promises, when through the help of the Holy Spirit 
 ihey are presented to a lively and simple faith, bring Christ 
 so near to us, and us so near to Him, in that sv/eet relation- 
 ship to, and communion with Him as Man as well as God, — 
 as One made like unto us, — ' tempted in all points as we are, 
 yet without sin,' — and that can be ' touched with our infirmi- 
 ties,' — that we arc enabled to realize, more and more, his love 
 and pity; and his being always present to help and lead ns : 
 not always sensibly, but always really present. Faith in 
 Christ, faith in the Scriptures, faith which is the gift of God, is 
 that which works wonders, and quiets our fears, — both under in- 
 ward or outward troubles. All this my dear friend already well 
 knows ; but neither of us know it in that fulness, that rich ful- 
 ness, in which the Lord is ready to impart it to us. And we need 
 to be stirred up, and encouraged, to look to Jesus the Author 
 and Finisher of our faith that we do not faint in the day of 
 adversity ; and that the wear and tear of life do not (if I may so 
 say) wear away the life of faith in our souls, and prevent a 
 close walking with God in the Spirit of adoption, — and not in 
 the spirit of bondage and slavish fear. May we enter more 
 and more into that liberty of the children of God, by which as 
 little children, we run with every sorrow, fear and complaint, 
 in an unreserved confidence to our Father whose love is un- 
 bounded, and whose compassion failelh not." 
 
 That " turning quite away from self, and from created 
 29* 
 
342 JIEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 things, both good and bad," to which J\Irs. Havvkes so fre^ 
 quently (and particularly in the foregoing letter) refers, — and 
 that entire resignation to God which springs from true filial 
 love to Him, — are graces which the most eminent saints have 
 ever found of difficult attainment. The truly pious Mr. Ber- 
 ridge says, in a letter written to Mrs. Wilberforce when she 
 was in dying circumstances: — 
 
 ' Live as near to Jesus as you possibly can ; but die, die to 
 self^ ' Tis a daily work, — 'tis a hard work. I find self to 
 be like an insurmountable mountain, or a perpendicular rock, 
 that must be overcome: — I have not got over it, not half-way 
 over! This, this, is my greatest trial! Self is like a moun- 
 tain ; Jesus is a sun that shines on the other side the moun- 
 tain, and now and then a sun-beam comes over the top; we 
 get a glimpse, a sort of twilight apprehension of the brightness 
 of the sun; but self musi be much more subdued in me, before 
 I can bask in the sunbeams of the ever blessed Jesus, or say in 
 every thing, ' Thy will be done." 
 
 The Rev. Joseph Milner, writing to the Rev. Dr. PJilner on 
 the grace of resignation, calls it " one of the last and highest 
 attainments of the Christian life:" he says, " Though it is not 
 easy to confine by rule the order of the Spirit's operations, yet 
 this seems the general order of the Christian virtues, — viz. re- 
 pentance, faith, love, and resignation. In Christ himself, re- 
 signation was perfect; — ' not my w^ll but thine be done;' — 
 and as far as we can trust Him for grace, so far we receive 
 grace out of his fulness. Among men, St. Paul seems the 
 completest pattern of resignation. What a tremendous view 
 of his suflJerings is that in the latter part of 2 Cor. xi. ! But 
 how practical did the love of God make every thing to him \ 
 In Phil. iv. 11 — 13 he tells us, he had learned to be content in 
 any state, and that he could do all things through Christ which 
 strengthened him : and the original word for, ' had learned^'' 
 alluding to the pagan mysteries, shows that the learning was 
 of a mysterious nature." 
 
 In the following letter to Mrs. C tt, dated March 1830, 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes refers to another acute visitation of sickness. 
 The various impediments under which she called herself up to 
 write, may be inferred from the description of painful feelings, 
 with which, by way of apology to her friends for apparent re- 
 missness, she frequently begins her letters : — 
 
 " I cannot number how many times I have said, — I will not 
 
CHAP. IX. FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 343 
 
 if possible let another day pass without writing to my beloved 
 friend ! And when 1 reflect on how many beyond what I can 
 number have passed, I am truly grieved, and can only console 
 myself in the heartfelt consciousness, that my affection and 
 interest is undiminished , and that my ceasing to write is my 
 own loss, which must be classed among other privations that 
 old age and long disease, with increasing infirmities, bring 
 upon me, and which are among the afflictions and trials com- 
 mon to man. I seem now as if I were writing almost out of" 
 the tomb, to which I have been nigh many times since 1 last 
 had the pleasure of communicating with my dear friend. It 
 is not long since 1 had reason to say, 'this sickness is surely 
 unto death' — for it was of a very serious nature. I felt as 
 though all was ready, and waiting, that should prove my safe 
 and happy convoy over death's cold flood, into that city, the 
 glory of which seemed to dawn upon me. But the time was 
 not come, and my prayer is, (and let it be your's on my be- 
 half,) that this, and every fresh visitation may be to the glory 
 of God, and a more full preparation for heaven. To live to 
 the glory of God, embraces all that His holy word enjoins, as 
 respects our duty tov/ards Him, ourselves, and our fellow crea- 
 tures ; and therefore renders every successive day, yea hour, 
 and every circumstance, whether of suflering, or labour, or 
 trial, — most important; for in every dispensation, common or 
 extraordinary, Ho that teaches us to profit, and who in all 
 things, designs our profit, — has some gracious lesson to im- 
 print upon our hearts. Sweet, is it not, when we are enabled 
 to prostrate our souls at the foot of the sacred cross, receiving 
 whatever is sent as a token of the Saviour's bleeding love, and 
 with most earnest prayer, that like diligent and wise pupils, 
 we may let nothing escape that our gracious Teacher means 
 for our holy improvement. 
 
 " I must pass over the detail of the many deep wafers that, 
 through the year 1828, with the exception of the latter part, 
 seemed ready to overwhelm me. They arose both from trials 
 within and without, and were of such a nature, that my con- 
 stant cry wa53, ' Lord, thou art leading me by a way that I 
 know not! Oh cast me not off in old age; Ibrsake me not 
 when my strength faileth.' Nor did He forget or forsake his 
 sinful worm, — but held me fist with His arm of salvation, — 
 sealed the divine promises of His word more deeply on my 
 heart, — and enabled me through all to say, 'Thou which hast 
 shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, 
 and shalt bring me again from the depths of the earth.' Praised 
 
344 3IE?rr0IRS OF mrs. hawkes. 
 
 be His name for ever, who has brought me out of these deep 
 waters, not only with safety, but, I trust, through grace, with 
 much gain ! having brought me to great self-loathing, and a 
 more simple and entire hiding myself in Christ, our only sure 
 refu2;e. But I have yet many painful waves to encounter, and 
 my faith is at times very feeble. 1 am still in an enemy's 
 country, and in a body of sin and death. Yet we know who 
 is able to make us ' more than conquerors,' preserved through 
 almighty power. ' Thanks be to God who giveth us the vic- 
 tory,' I think my warfare is almost over. No wonder if after 
 such lengthened suffering I find, in advancing age, my consti- 
 tution sinking, and my strength departing. 1 am now almost 
 tvoo feeble to call myself up to any exertion. Every thing ex- 
 hausts and wearies me, however pleasant and desirable. A 
 very little company is too much for me ; and though from 
 exckement, and the love of seeing dear Christian friends, the 
 failing lamp lights up for a time, and cursory observers see no 
 great signs that it is near expiring, — yet I sink lower after- 
 wards, and but slowly recover. 1 am, however, very thank- 
 ful for what little strength is left. May all 1 have, and am, 
 (which all cometh of sovereign grace and love,) be devoted to 
 His service and praise ! 
 
 *'I am now compelled to say farewell, — even while my 
 heart continues to commune with you. May the everlasting 
 arms of our Heavenly Shepherd be underneath, and round 
 about you 1 And the shinings of his face ever beam upon 
 you, — scattering; every cloud that may arise to obscure your 
 longing and believing sight of his glory !" 
 
 The following letter, written May, 1830, to Mrs. Y , 
 
 contains several points of interest. In the manner of opening, 
 we may mark the advanced Christian, meditating on the sta- 
 bility of the everlasting covenant, and rejoicing in its privileges 
 and' security. The congratulations which are then offered, 
 will be encouraging to those, who, in obedience to the leadings 
 of Providence, have left their most loved and valued spiritual 
 privileges. The Isle of Wight, which from its beauty has been 
 termed" " the garden of England," might, from its want of 
 Gospel light at the time when the friend to whom the letter is 
 addressed was called to settle there, have been more properly 
 called " the land of darkness." That it is now become as 
 " The garden of the Lord," must be to every true christian a 
 subject of joy and thankfulness. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes next refers to the loss of one of her oldest and 
 
CHAP. IX FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 345 
 
 dearest friends, who had stepped into eternity before her. 
 The tender reflections this event occasioned, prove that old age 
 had not impaired either the strength or delicacy of her grateful 
 and affectionate friendship. The letter, at its conclusion, 
 touches upon the high and holy calling of a Christian minister; 
 and contains the further testimony of this aged saint against 
 *' new speculations, and subtle, novel notions," in the church. 
 After allusion to her increasing infirmities, Mrs. Havvkes goes 
 on to say : — 
 
 *' Yet the Lord is very gracious to me, and with thankful- 
 ness and praise I can, and would answer, ' it is well.' By 
 faith I endeavour continually to traverse over and over, the 
 blessed, new, and everlasting covenant, ' which is all my sal- 
 vation and all my desire ; ' and therein I am enabled to view 
 all things well ordered and sure, to such as are the children of 
 grace, called with an effectual calling, in Christ Jesus. I have, 
 however, great reason to be humbled, and ashamed, that I do 
 not endure some of the 'all things' ordered for me therein, 
 with the full and entire acquiescence to the divine will which I 
 desire. Oh, to feel ' the will of God a soft pillow ! ' as a 
 Christian ^ friend once told me she did. This would truly 
 bring a peace into the soul that passeth all understanding ; and 
 make all sufferings and trials comparatively light and easy. 
 To be favoured, through grace, with any taste of so great a 
 blessing, demands perpetual praise ; while it also proves a stimu- 
 lus to seek after further attainments. 
 
 " How wonderful and gracious has been your dispensation, 
 my dear madam ! The place to which you went with reluctance, 
 thinking you were taking leave of all your ♦ pleasant things,' 
 now proves to be the ' land of Goshen.' May the continual in- 
 fluences of the Holy Ghost cause you to feed and grow thereby ! 
 for therefore are such favours given unto you. The ministry 
 of that holy and invaluable servant of Christ, Mr. S — , is such 
 a talent committed to his hearers for diligent improvement, as 
 few are favoured with. You, dear madam, and your christian 
 friends, will have need to keep it in your remembrance that 
 the sacred treasure is in an earthen vessel, and that its sweet- 
 ness and profitableness will be imparted to you by much 
 prayer for him, and for yourselves. 1 think with real delight 
 
 of your, and dear Mrs. B 's joy on the present occasion ; 
 
 but 1 must not envy you. Mr. S condescends to favour 
 
 1 Mrs. Fletcher, of Madeley, see page 88. 
 
346 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 me with kind, important, and undeserved marks of real chris- 
 tian friendship. Dearly do 1 love to hear him converse, or 
 preach — which now I fear will seldom be my privilege : but 
 he is always engaged in the work of the Lord, who will as- 
 suredly bless and prosper him therein, according to the good 
 pleasure of his will, and according to his promise. 
 
 " My feelings are at this time very sorrowful, on account of 
 the death of my old and dear friend, Mrs. Cecil — on Saturday 
 last ! A thousand and a thousand tender and grateful recol- 
 lections and associations are awakened in my mind, of my 
 favoured sojourning with her, and my ever-revered Mr. Cecil, 
 — who were, indeed, truly and essentially, a father and a 
 mother to me, in seasons of deep affliction. How docs my 
 heart long that it were in my power to return their kindness to 
 their dear bereaved daughters! All lean do is to pray for 
 them ; which 1 hope you, my dear madam, and Mrs. B — , and 
 all their christian friends will also do. Mrs. Cecil's departure 
 was preceded by such an entire sinking of her constitution, 
 and by an exhaustion tending so much to lethargy, that she 
 was seldom able to converse. During the last week of her 
 life, it was only at short intervals that she could be spoken 
 with: and it was a peculiar favour to herself and daughters, 
 that Mr. Simeon and her excellent son were in the house, and 
 watched for every reviving moment to pray or converse with 
 her, in all holy tenderness, till she ceased to breathe. The 
 solemn event greatly affects my mind, and makes me desire 
 to lake a nearer view of eternity, and a firmer grasp on Christ; 
 and I trust it will be sanctified to all the beloved children. 
 
 " I am happy, my dear madam, to hear that your son has 
 entered into his blessed Master's high service. No higher 
 charge can he be entrusted with, in this world, than to preach 
 the gospel of Christ, and to tread in his holy steps. Oh! that 
 all who enter the sacred ministry were deeply sensible of what 
 so sacred and holy an office calls them unto ! It is a favour 
 to your son, in his first setting out, to be in a retired spot, and 
 with so good a man. One trembles for ministers, even of 
 older standing, in these present dangerous times, — when new 
 speculations, and subtle novel notions are, it is to be feared, 
 casting a dimness over ' the good old paths,' wherein alone it 
 is safe to walk. 
 
 " 1 have need, dear madam, to make an apology for my 
 long scrawl ; but when the heart leads, the trembing hand fol- 
 lows. 1 entreat your prayers for a weary and fast-departing 
 pilgrim, 
 
 " S. Hawres." 
 
CHAr. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 347 
 
 The important calling of a christian minister is further en- 
 larged upon by Mrs. liawkes, in a letter to a young relative: 
 whom she exhorts to a serious self-examination as to his mo- 
 tives for desiring to enter the sacred ministry, as follows : — 
 
 " Ask yourself, then, as in the presence of Ilim who knows 
 every thought of your heart, — Do I wish to go into the minis- 
 try to avoid the drudgery, or the inconvenience, or the compara- 
 tively less elevated station of trade? Is there in my motives 
 any mixture of vanity or ambition ? Do 1 conceive that I have 
 talents for the ministry, and shall therefore obtain the esteem 
 and applause of men ; — and that it is a more gentlemanlike 
 and honourable profession, and that I shall make no mean 
 figure as a minister? Do 1 wish to pursue literature and study 
 because it is more noble, and will raise me to more notice, and 
 introduce me to more genteel society, and to a better rank ia 
 life? Does my heart beat at the trappinirs of the gown and 
 bands, and at the thought of being gazed at by a large con- 
 gregation, and of being followed by a multitlde? Or, on the 
 contrary, do I feel sensible that 1 am so poor, so weak, so mis- 
 erable a sinner, that I am not worthy to take the sacred name of 
 God in my polluted lips ; — that unless I am endued with grace 
 from on high, I am the last person fit to think of becoming a 
 preacher of the everlasting Gospel? Am 1 willing to be ac- 
 counted the very ofT-scouring of all things, — and can I meet 
 disgrace, contempt, neglect, persecution, and opposition, with all 
 cheerfulness? Do I, with the apostle, 'count all things but 
 dung and dross, for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ 
 Jesus my Lord?' Do { esteem the reproach of Christ greater 
 riches than all the treasures this world can bestow ? Do I es- 
 teem talents, and brilliancy of parts, as nothing in comparison 
 of grace? Can I take up my cross, and deny myself, in order 
 to follow Christ, through evil report and good report? Am I 
 acquainted with the weakness and deceitfulness of my own 
 heart, so as to know that I am not able to resist one tempta- 
 tion, or conquer one sin, without the grace of God assisting 
 me? Do I sufficiently consider the awful responsiblity of a 
 minister? (Read the 2d, 33rd, and 34th chapters of Ezekiel.) 
 Do I so bear in mind what is the high calling of a minister of 
 the gospel, as to esteem, that it were better to be a shoe-black, 
 or a chimney-sweeper, than to take that sacred charge upon 
 me, unless I enter upon it with right motives, and discharge the 
 duties of it faithfully ? Am I determined to apply myself un- 
 ceasingly to the toil and labour of study? Can I shut myself 
 
348 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 up from the pleasures, the recreations, the amusements of the 
 world, and of society, and become a recluse, — and toil through 
 the drudgery of learning with unabating perseverance and ap- 
 plication '.' Am I sincere and simple in the desire to glorify 
 God and to save souls? Have I stability enough to be con- 
 sistent and pursuing? 
 
 " But time and paper fail me : let this suffice for the present ; 
 and remember, you are but a youth, — you may comparatively 
 be said to know nothing, — and therefore, after all, must be in- 
 capable, at present, of forming a judgment upon yourself. As 
 to capacity and talents, and bright parts, — while they are good 
 and necessary, — yet without humility, without grace, they are 
 nothing worthy and not to be accounted of. A minister must 
 be a man of prayer — a man of a broken and contrite heart, — 
 a man deeply versed in the sacred Scriptures, — one ^vho fights 
 against the world, the flesh, and the devil. In short, so much 
 is required to fit a man for being a minister, that it is enough 
 to make any one tremble at the idea of bearing the sacred char- 
 acter." 
 
 Some of the interior workings of Mrs. Hawkes's mind at 
 this time, are made known to us in the following letter to the 
 Rev. R. Waldo Sibthorp:— 
 
 5/A Avg. 1830. 
 " Rev. and dear Sir, 
 
 " Had my ability for writing been at all answerable to the 
 grateful feelings that your kind favour excited in my heart, not 
 a day would have elapsed without my thankful acknowledg- 
 ment, for so comforting a token of your Christian remem- 
 brance, kind sympathy, and desire to help forward a poor, 
 weary, and heavy-laden pilgrim, on her journey heavenward. 
 An attack of disease in the head has rendered writing, and 
 reading, and even much thinking, not only exceedingly difficult, 
 but also dangerous in its consequences : — and has proved a 
 fresh occasion for the exercise of passive faith, and sweet re- 
 pose in the will of God, and in his fatherly love and compas- 
 sion ; in which I am ashamed to feel I am so much wanting, 
 — but which, 1 trust, I am seeking to obtain in a way which 
 you, dear sir, kindly point out, — that of not resting short of a 
 fuller measure of the blessed spirit of adoption ; by which at 
 all times, and in the darkest seasons, I may cry, ' my Father, 
 my Father !' I say a fuller measure, — for I surely am not 
 wholly a stranger to this high privilege,— these most sweet 
 
CHAP. IX. FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 349 
 
 drawings of the blessed Spirit to the bosom of a compassionate 
 Father, — even while under the deepest smartings of his chast- 
 ening rod. Yet I am conscious that the spirit of bondage is 
 not cast out as it ought to be ; but is still striving to rob my 
 soul of that abiding peace, which is the sweet fruit of ' a full 
 assurance of faith.' I would, therefore, in self-renunciation, 
 prostrate myself at the foot of the blessed cross, — the holiest, 
 safest, and happiest station for all the soul's transactions with 
 God, — and would earnestly enter into the inquiry, 'Is there 
 not a cause V It may be partly from the want of such serious 
 inquiry, that many sincere Christians rest short of this crown- 
 ing blessing of the gospel. In my own case, — setting aside a 
 proneness to legality, and many other causes that operate to 
 produce gloomy doubts, — I seem every day to be made to dis- 
 cover and feel, that I know very little of what is real Chj'is- 
 tianify, e'llhev in understanding or practice. And having been 
 led, I trust by Divine teaching, and also by sad experience, to 
 feel somewhat of the exceeding sinfulness of sin, — as regards 
 its own hateful essence, as well as the havoc and ruin it has 
 actually produced, and still does produce in the soul, — my mind 
 and thoughts more frequently revert unto, and dwell upon, what 
 sin hath wrought, than on that glorious salvation, which hath 
 provided a full and free deliverance therefrom. This habit of 
 my mind arises not so much, I think, from the want of clear 
 views of the precious doctrine of justification, (as revealed in 
 the Scriptures) as from weakness of faith, which hinders a full 
 embodying thereof, — if I may so speak. The faith of affiance 
 in Christ, has, for many years, been so very precious and bind- 
 ing to my soul, that I have seemed only to desire more and 
 more of its uniting power, — whereas I ought, doubtless, to 
 have been pressing forward to the obtaining of the ' full assur- 
 ance of hope,' and the blessed grace of adoption. 
 
 " In reply, dear sir, to your kind inquiry, ' what is the load- 
 ing relation in which I am wont to keep God before me,' — I 
 humbly trust I may say, that I have been favoured with some 
 sweet communion with God, in each of the sacred relations, in 
 which he has been pleased to reveal himself, in the blessed Scrip- 
 tures, towards his chosen and called ones. Yet strange to say, 
 — in that oC a Father, ihe most endearing of all relations, (as I 
 now begin to discover,) I have not, as 1 ought, obtained a dis- 
 guishing acquaintance; or a habit of near and abiding inter- 
 course, — as in other the relations; nor have I, in reading the 
 Scriptures, sought out, and especially marked, the character, the 
 various discoveries which are made therein of Gou, as a Father, 
 30 
 
350 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 — SO much as in the light of a Redeemer, and Sanctifier, and 
 in some other sacred features, which I have been accustomed 
 to place before my view : but have rather been expecting that 
 the Spirit of adoption should be given by some immediate and 
 sensible operation of the Spirit, which, wiih an invincible power, 
 should at once cast out the spirit of bondage, and overcome all 
 slavish fear ; instead of expecting, and waiting for this blessed 
 Divine work to be wrought through the patient searching of 
 the Scriptures and prayer. Surely does all this prove, what 1 
 have said before, that I know very little of what real Christi- 
 anity is, either in understanding or experience; — while, as to 
 its real value and blessedness, I hope I do know something, 
 and find a hungering and thirsting also to know all the fulness 
 thereof. 
 
 " I have endeavoured, dear sir, with simplicity and confi- 
 dence, to meet your very kind wish to know somewhat of my 
 Christian experience, — in the hope of obtaining the further aid 
 of your prayers, and valued counsel ; from which, I thankfully 
 believe and hope, I have received much benefit. I think, in 
 the last conversation I had the favour of holding with you, I 
 observed, that though I could not speak boldly of my assurance 
 of going to heaven, yet that I was not exercised with doubts 
 on that score. And now that 1 am every day reminded, by 
 some fresh symptom of disease, that there is but one step be- 
 tween me and death, I am, through infinite mercy and favour, 
 enabled to seek, and find, a hiding-place in Christ, so as to 
 venture my all into his arms of faithfulness and love ; and to 
 adopt that holy cry, ' Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly,' and 
 take to thyself a sinful worm, ' whom thou hast redeemed with 
 thy precious blood.' 
 
 "The death of my old and beloved friend, Mrs. Cecil, has 
 brought a lovvness on my spirits that I am not able, in my pre- 
 sent feeble state, to overcome. The loss of animal spirits is to 
 me a new trial ; although I am quite aware that it chiefly origi- 
 nates from physical causes, and only affects the mind in a way 
 of sympathy. ***** * * 
 
 " I must continue to comfort myself that, though absent, I 
 am not forgotten ; nor prevented from meeting you in spirit, 
 in the presence of Him who is the blessed centre of true happi- 
 ness. I can truly say, I am never at a loss for songs of praise. 
 Your undeserved kindness, my dear Sir, as regards my spiritual 
 and temporal benefit, is among other mercies and favours, that 
 tune my poor harj) to cheerful strains of grateful thanksgiving. 
 Much do I long to add on the subject of my deep obligation : 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 351 
 
 but I know unto whom you would rather I should pour out my 
 acknowledgments, which I am sure will be accompanied by 
 earnest supplication, that the presence of Christ may be with 
 you always, and prosper you in every way that you take, pub- 
 lic or private ; for He knoweth the way that you take. 
 *• With unfeigned respect and esteem, 
 
 " I remain, Rev. and dear Sir, 
 
 " Your ever obliged, 
 
 " Sarah Hawkes." 
 
 To obtain the slight relief which change of air might afford, 
 Mrs. Hawkes passed the latter months of this year at High- 
 gate. It was her principle never to neglect the use of any 
 means afforded by Providence, either for the improvement of 
 health, or the alleviation of suffering. In a letter to her young 
 friend, Miss Milward, who, with her sisters, was then at Rams- 
 gate, she thus urges the conscientious attention to health: — 
 
 " I hope none of you neglect to use every possible means of 
 gaining benefit at Ramsgate. It sometimes requires much 
 self-denial and resolution, to leave books, and home engage- 
 ments, (especially if they are pleasant,) to go out and ramble 
 from place to place, merely for the sake of air and exercise, 
 when no particular object of interest excites to such exertion ; 
 and as we are very apt to miscall things, and put our own 
 meaning and colour upon them, we call that a loss of time, 
 which is taken from mental, or other more agreeable pursuits, 
 and devoted to the gaining of bodily health and vigour. But 
 this is a cheat which self-love and self indulgence impose on 
 our better judgment. When Providence favours an invalid 
 with means of restoration to health, — the second greatest bless- 
 ing we can desire, — it is as proper to be active, diligent, and 
 conscientious in using those means, as to be found in the prac- 
 tice of any other duty that is enjoined upon us. Closet en- 
 gagements, and Sunday privileges, are those alone which must 
 not be sacrificed to the gaining of health. But all other em- 
 ployments and pursuits, however pleasing and desirable, must 
 be suspended, during a temporary opportunity afforded by a 
 kind Providence, who careth for the body : which being 
 strengthened, is rendered more capable of serving and honour- 
 ing God, by the performance of every duty which lies before 
 us, for the good of ourselves or others. The mind also par- 
 takes of the benefit; and is bettor prepared and enabled to bear 
 with cheerfulness, those trials and crosses which none are 
 without." 
 
352 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 The importance of a religious regard to closet duties, which 
 is hinted at above, is more strongly urged by Mrs. Havvkes, 
 in a letter to her nephew, Mr. E." T. Jones, to whom she 
 writes : — 
 
 " Blessed be his name, I find by experience, through assist- 
 ing grace, that the surest way to confidence, is to say to Him 
 in prayer, with all humility and self-renunciation, ' 1 will not 
 let Thee go, except Thou bless me.' Allow me, my dear 
 nephew, to encourage you to let no day pass without wrestling, 
 like Jacob, in the same spirit of importunity, for some satisfy- 
 ing taste that the Lord is gracious; and, like him, you shall 
 assuredly prevail ; and your faith will be enlarged and con- 
 firmed. 1 hope that, notwithstanding the increasing demand 
 upon your attention, you are still able to secure your early 
 mornings for devotional exercises. I do believe, that nothing, 
 (not even the public means of grace,) so surely and secretly 
 promotes the health and prosperity of the soul, nor brings it 
 into closer converse with God, as when, before the cares of 
 the day, and its endless distractions begin, we are enabled, with 
 David, to say, 'O God, thou art my God, early will i seek 
 thee.' ' My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord ; 
 in the morning will I direct my prayer unto Thee, and will 
 look up.' " Ps. V. 3. 
 
 At the close of the year she again writes to the same, ac- 
 knowledging favours: — 
 
 " I know not how far that portion of the sweet Litany may 
 belong to you, my beloved nephew, ' In all times of our wealth,' 
 &c., but sure 1 am, that unless the Lord bless your blessings, 
 of every description, they will prove temptations to draw away 
 the mind from close converse with him. He is able (however 
 otherwise impossible it would be,) to keep my dearest Eden's 
 heart hungering and thirsting after Him, in the midst of all the 
 bustle and cares of life, and in the midst of all its enjoyments, — 
 which I trust is his daily experience. Accept my affectionate 
 thanks for your great goodness to your aged and unworthy 
 aunt; who is yet a burdened lingerer in this dry and thirsty 
 land, where no water is, save what may be graciously given 
 from the ' upper and the nether springs.' Blessed be the Foun- 
 tain of Life ! we need not fear any failure there ; and if we 
 drink not copiously thereat, the fault and loss is all our own, — 
 for it ever flows, and overflows, to such as thirst after it ' as 
 the hart for the water-brooks.' 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 353 
 
 " Situated as I now am, very near to Mr. Wilson's church, 
 you will easily imagine how painful I must feel it that I am 
 very seldom able to have the privilege of hearing him. f am 
 ashamed to say that I am not resigned and quiescent under my 
 privations, as 1 ought to be ; but often sit alone and mourn, 
 when I should, with joy, be drawing water out of the wells of 
 salvation that are within my reach. I am ready to cry aloud 
 to the old, and the young, who can go to the house of God, 
 ' Be diligent, be all earnestness to seize every opportunity, give 
 place to no common hindrances, and treasure up what you 
 may gain, as a store for sickness and old age. 1 feel increas- 
 ingly thankful for the past flivours and privileges I have en- 
 joyed : and only wish I had improved them more. They, 
 through divine grace, have led me into ' A broad land of wealth 
 unknown;' and to esteem the pearl of great price, hidden there- 
 in, as of more value and sweetness than all that this earth can 
 bestow. And what will be the joy, (for which 1 am looking 
 and longing,) when it shall be mine in everlasting possession ! 
 Let us, my dearest nephew, count all things but dung and 
 dross, so that we may win Christ, and be found in him, living 
 and dying." 
 
 Some of Mrs. Hawkes's few remaining private memoran- 
 dums are in the form of short prayers, — one of which con- 
 cludes this year. The pious reader will easily follow out her 
 unfinished ejaculation : — 
 
 Dec. 1830. — " Blessed Lord ! who has commanded thy 
 poor followers to watch, and to pray, and not faint, look on 
 one that from age, disease, oppression, and infantile weak- 
 ness, — with pain of body, — has indeed to wrestle against flesh 
 and sense; as well as with the soul's more immediate adver- 
 saries to the observance of thy blessed word. Let thy all-suf- 
 ficient grace prevent me from making my weakness, or other 
 infirmities, an excuse for neglio;ence or sloth. Teach me, pa- 
 tiently and resignedly, yet in all godly sincerity and filial fear, 
 to yield that which is due to an afflicted frame, and with faith, 
 and love, and hope, to lie at the footstool of ." 
 
 The extreme pain attendant on Mrs. Hawkes's complaint, 
 had now scarcely any remission, even in exchange for lan- 
 guor and debility : each seemed to prevail at once, with but 
 few intervals. VV^riting and reading were almost laid aside; 
 and patient endurance occupied her suffering days and nights. 
 30* 
 
354 MEMOIRS OF 3IRS. HAMKES. 
 
 A few lines which she wrote, at this time, in answer to the 
 kind enquiries of Miss Milward, evince the sweet frame of her 
 mind : — 
 
 " Many thanks, dear love, for your kind inquiries. I would 
 gladly give you the pleasure which I know you would feel, as 
 well as have myself the comfort of saying, — that my pain is 
 somewhat mitigated, — were it in my power so to say : but I am 
 suffering acutely, and feel ill in consequence. 
 
 " There is O/je, full of tenderness and mercy, that can give 
 me ease : and if He is not pleased so to do, it is because He 
 sees that pain is best for me ; and His love is too great to 
 spare me to my loss. 1 thank you for your kind desire to 
 help : but, through mercy, I am not in want of any thing that 
 is needful. 
 
 "I pray that you, my dear friend, and your dear sisters, 
 may, while you have opportunity, and sufficiency of time and 
 strength, seek to become more and more intimately acquainted 
 with, and united to Him, who is a strong Tower in the day of 
 suffering ; — and your only Preserver from temptation, in time 
 of ease and prosperity. 
 
 " With much love to all, — I am, 
 
 " Your affectionate and obliged, 
 
 "S. H." 
 
 " March 25, 1831." 
 
 To her friend, Mr. B , she writes about the same time; — 
 
 " My sincere and grateful thanks are always inadequate to 
 my feelings, and to my estimate of your friendship, and con- 
 tinued goodness, in caring for an afflicted, unworthy, and often 
 do 1 say, — wretched creature. Yes, in myself, 'wretched, and 
 poor, and blind, and miserable : ' — but thanks be to Sovereign 
 grace and mercy, I am not my own, but His, who hath 
 bought me with his precious blood ! Oh I if I had faith to be 
 able to say, * I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me,' how 
 would my groanings because of this body of sin and death, be 
 turned into praise ! Renew your prayers for me, my dear sir, 
 that my hoary head, and dying, pained days, may be crowned 
 with a firm and increasing hope of a glorious immortality, and 
 with a sweet foretaste thereof. I am now a greater sufferer in 
 my body than I have ever been through the last thirty years 
 of my afflictions. My pain is acute and constant; and, of 
 course, bolh strength and animal spirits are much wasted; 
 
CHAP. IX.— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 355 
 
 and my days, and mostly my nights, are wearisome to me; — 
 but the full belief that they are ' appointed ' by an all-wise, all- 
 gracious, and compassionate Father in heaven, and that they 
 are only those scourges with which He scourges every son and 
 daughter whom he lovelh, — ought to make me more joyous, 
 and less sorrowful under all I have to endure. Sure I am. He 
 doth not visit me as my sins deserve; and sure I am, that the 
 mercies, supports, and blessings that He granteth me, — are 
 wonderful, — and dem.and more grateful songs of praise than I 
 am able to render. Yes, ' the Lord is good, and a strong hold 
 in the day of trouble.' 
 
 " When will you come, my dear friend, and, — by the bless- 
 ing of God on your conversation and prayers, — refresh my 
 spirit, as your kind provision refreshes the poor body ? 
 
 " 1 was glad to hear you were better : may health and pros- 
 perity, temporal and spiritual, abound towards you ! prays, 
 " Your affectionate and indebted, 
 
 " S. HxlWKES." 
 
 The following letter to the Rev. R. Waldo Sibthorp, appears, 
 from comparing the date at the commencement with another at 
 its close, to have lain a long while unfinished, — indicating the 
 state of suffering which caused correspondence to become more 
 and more difficult : — 
 
 " Jwne, 1831. 
 
 " My very dear Sir, 
 
 " Long before I had the favour to receive your last most 
 highly valued and kind letter, I greatly desired to indulge my- 
 self in the pleasure of writing to you. Again, and again, have 
 I taken up my pen, in moments of somewhat abated pain, but 
 was rendered unable to proceed by its too speedy return ; nor 
 have I any better hope of success, but by adopting the ex- 
 pedient, of scribbling now and then a line or two at a time, 
 when a short interval of comparative ease may be granted me : 
 —very few, and short, are such favoured intervals ! for I seem 
 to be clothed with suffering as with a garment. Oh ! how great 
 is the mercy of my God towards me, who hath also clothed 
 me with a garment of salvation ! and 1 trust this severe afflic- 
 tion is preparing me through sanctifying grace, for a robe of 
 glory. I shall indeed, dear sir, count myself highly favoured, 
 if, as you say, I may be drawing near the blessed ' assembly' 
 above, — and the beatific vision, where there is no veil between : 
 
356 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 but my heart is sometimes sick with hope deferred, — and with 
 the probability of being still a lingerer in this vale of tears : 
 yet for this 1 chide myself; because time at the longest, is but 
 a moment ; and for me, it can only be a little moment^ — which 
 1 trust I shall be enabled to improve, in seeking after larger 
 manifestations of the love and presence of the Saviour, who 
 can ' be touched with a feeling of our infirmities,' and gra- 
 ciously pours forth his choicest comforts in the hour of extremity. 
 
 " Although I am always afraid to speak of my own feelings 
 and experience, lest there should creep in anything of wretch- 
 ed boasting; — yet what may prove satisfactory to a praying, 
 sympathizing brother, as you most kindly style yourself, (and 
 of which by many conferred favours, I am fully and thankful- 
 ly assured,) — should not be withheld. And still less should be 
 withheld, a humble testimony to the loving-kindness, and ten- 
 der mercy, which is vouchsafed in this time of sore affliction, to 
 one, who feels every day that it is because the Divine compas- 
 sion faiieth not, that she is not consumed. I trust I may say, 
 that I am brought into a more child-like spirit; and enabled by 
 the blessed Spirit, of adoption, with a more sweet and firm con- 
 fidence, to cry ' My Father, my Father !' — than when I last had 
 the privilege of conversing v/iih you, my dear sir, on that sa- 
 cred subject ; and that in some measure, I am enabled to kiss 
 the smiting rod; and hide myself in the bosom of a reconciled, 
 yea, and indulgent God and Father, in Christ Jesus. Moreo- 
 ver, that many encouraging proofs are afforded, that this chas- 
 tening of the Lord is ' for my profit; and that I might be made 
 a partaker of his holiness,' — after which my soul thirsteth. 
 
 " Had not my bodily afflictions been particularly distres- 
 sing during the last few months, I should long ago, have en- 
 deavoured to thank you, my dear sir, for your most welcome 
 and valued letter, which came so opportunely, that it had all 
 the full effect on my mind of that kind Christian sympathy 
 which led you to write it ; and my feelings will long retain its 
 sacred and sweei savour. I think I never felt the kind sympa- 
 thy of friends so truly soothing and delightful, as since my in- 
 crease of disease : — yet, as you say a sympathizing Saviour 
 surpasses all! It is His gracious prerogative to say, — ' I am 
 with you always!' Let the sufferings of extremity speak, if they 
 can what is the blessedness af those consolatory words, when 
 brought into experience ! I find that a time of extremity great- 
 ly tends to make faith both simple and bold ; — it flies to Christ, 
 and says, ' I will not let thee go except thou bless me.' How 
 
CHAP. IX.-— FROM A. D. 1828 TO 1832. 357 
 
 truly therefore is it said, ' Afllictions are blessings in disguise.' 
 
 " I hope, dear sir, 1 am in some measure enabled, as you 
 say, to speak a word in season, occasionally, to such few as my 
 increased sufferings will permit me to converse with. As long 
 as life shall last, my heart and tongue can bear but one testimo- 
 ny, to whomsoever I speak, — of the importance of vital union 
 with Christ, and a realization of the nearness of eternity , and the 
 blessedness of standing ready-clothed in the wedding-garment, 
 and only waiting for the Bridegroom's call, 'Come up higher.' 
 
 " I am delighted with your remarks on the simplicity and 
 efficacy of failh, which enters into the possession, rather than 
 lingers on the ezpectation of the blessing. Does not this sim- 
 ple faith comprise all other Christian graces? I trust I can, 
 in a measure, say by experience, — it does. 
 
 *' I am not only struck as you anticipate, but confirmed in the 
 persuasion, that Satan's mode of attack, in the present day, is 
 by exciting an outward rather than an inward work ; especi- 
 ally by promoting an apparent zeal for God, in pursuing ob- 
 jects connected with the spread of the Gospel, and the interest 
 of religion generally ; — but I am much more struck, and even 
 alarmed, by his attack upon the real Christian, in his transform- 
 ing himself into an angel of light; so as to deceive, if it were 
 possible the very elect : proposing to them, chiefly through the 
 medium of the imagination, greater degrees of spirituality and 
 elevation than the Scriptures authorize us to expect, — except as 
 combined with deep contrition, and humiliation. Some minds 
 he fills with endless speculations and perversions. In others, 
 he raises scrupulosities on minor points, destroying the gran- 
 deur and simplicity of the Christian system; and thus, puts on 
 the Christian who has hitherto been simple and consistent, the 
 garb of changeableness ; which leads many to say, * We 
 scarcely know where to look for a solid guide.' But God will 
 take care of his Church, and in due time, bruise Satan under 
 our feet. Still it is a consolation that there are many sound 
 in the faith — and even some of a Fletcher-like spirit. 
 
 " Thus far, my dear sir, had I proceeded with this letter, 
 (which I have been many weeks endeavouring to write,) when 
 the apalling and most affecting event of the loss of Mr. and 
 Mrs. Forster was brought to my ears !^ My spirits are yet 
 too much oppressed to write upon the tender subject. I can 
 only contemplate them as rejoicing before the throne ! and 
 think they were favoured by so easy a departure, and that in 
 
 1 Who were lost at sea in the Rothsay Castle steamer. — Ed. 
 
358 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 death they were not divided. The bridegroom called and they 
 ■were ready. * * * * # 
 
 " Begging most earnestly a continued interest in your pray- 
 ers, for which, 1 believe, I am already greatly indebted, 
 " I remain, dear sir, 
 *' With true esteem, and Christian affection, 
 *' Your ever obliged, 
 
 " S. Hawkes." 
 " Sept. 2." 
 
 By the help of an amanuensis, she addresses the same friend 
 again, at the close of the year, wishing to express her grateful 
 sense of favours received : — 
 
 ''Dec. 17, 1831. 
 " Rev. and dear Sir, 
 
 " I can only place the favour I have received through 
 your kindness, among the many marks vouchsafed to me of 
 the gracious love, and care, of my heavenly Father; mercifully 
 designed to render less bitter the cup of suffering, from which 
 frail nature shrinks, even while the real language of the heart 
 is,—-' I know that in very faithfulness Thou hast afflicted me.' 
 Bles^ the Lord, O my soul, for all his benefits ! especially the 
 benefit of his chastening rod. 
 
 " I will beg you, dear sir, to present my grateful acknow- 
 ledgments to Mrs. M s, whom, though unknown, I claim 
 
 as a Christian sister in the Lord, — in whose name I am per- 
 suaded she shews me this kindness; and her favour being en- 
 closed in a letter from yourself, made it more than a double 
 gratification. May the same blessed Lord return unto her, 
 and to you, my much esteemed benefactor, showers of grace 
 and blessing! 
 
 " I feel ashamed that you, or any other friend, should ask 
 my poor (and, now, almost broken) prayers ; but such as they 
 are, I trust I shall not cease to offer from the altar of my heart; 
 which, when broken and contrite, being sprinkled with that 
 precious blood which cleanseth from all sin, — 1 am sure will 
 not be rejected. Yes, dear sir, there is indeed an endless, 
 boundless theme for contemplation and praise, in the love of 
 the Son of God towards helpless ruined sinners ! and through 
 Divine help, it is my sweetest engagement and enjoyment, 
 while on my couch of pain, to endeavour to trace such amazing 
 love in all its various manifestations, both in the sacred record, 
 and in whatever comes within my observation and experience. 
 
 *'As to 'flights of fancy and imagination,' I am more and 
 
CHAP. X FROJI JAN. TO OCT. 16, 1832. 359 
 
 more convinced they must be altogether thrown down, and 
 kept down, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and the word of 
 God. 
 
 * * * * * * % 
 
 " I sincerely thank you for your kind Christian wishes, in 
 which are comprised all that would sweeten the cup of suffer- 
 ing, — which continues much the same as heretofore. The 
 good hope which is graciously afforded me in the encouraging 
 passage you mention, and the nearer prospect and hope of soon 
 entering into a sabbatical rest, through mercy, keeps my mind 
 in peace, and my heart, for the most part, from fainting. 
 
 "I shall always be comforted to hear of your welfare, dear 
 sir, both spiritual and temporal, — while, with true regard, I 
 must ever remain, 
 
 " Your obliged and affectionate servant, 
 
 " S. Haavkes." 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 CLOSING PERIOD OF HER LIFE. 
 
 FROM JAN. 1832 to OCT. 16, 1832. 
 
 Her increased sufferings, and the increasing power of grace upon her 
 mind — Solemn views of death — Letter on ejaculatory prayer — Remo- 
 val to Park Street — Her last letter to Mr. B . — Peaceful waiting 
 
 for departure — Dictates a letter to the Rev. R. W. Sibthorp, — Severe 
 sufferings at last. — Visit of Dr. Fearon, who commends her departing 
 spirit to God — Pofit mortem examination — Extract from her funeral 
 sermon, preached by the Rev. F. H. Fell. 
 
 We are now about to enter on the last year of Mrs. Hawkes's 
 earthly pilgrimage. We have to contemplate her, exhausted 
 by continual pain, sinking under disease and old age — and 
 waiting in solemn expectation of dissolution. In such circum- 
 stances, lively expressions of feeling could not be expected; 
 nor shall we meet with them. But We shall behold a cluster 
 of graces, adorning the aged, dying Christian — who still brings 
 forth fruit in old age. What those fruits are, we may learn 
 from Rom. v. 3 — 5. "Tribulation worketh patience; and 
 patience experience ; and experience, hope ; and hope makcth 
 
360 MEMOIRS OF MRS. IIAWKES, 
 
 not ashamed :" — we shall behold her " looking for, and hast- 
 ing unto the day of God ; " still deeply conscious of the vast 
 eternity which was opening before her, as appears by the fol- 
 lowing lines written about this time : — 
 
 1832. — " With what solemnity does the serious and con- 
 templative mind take a near view of death, even with a good 
 and sure hope of a joyful resurrection unto eternal life, through 
 Jesus Christ I How apt is the eye of faith, when feeble as is 
 mine, to view the surrounding rising waters, rather than to 
 keep a fixed look on Him, who can bid me walk upon them. 
 That such divine power may be given, when this frail and 
 broken vessel must ♦ launch out into the deep,' shall be my 
 prayer while lingering on its brink ; which, 1 trust, shall be 
 cheered with the song of praise, ' He hath swallowed up death 
 in victory.' " 
 
 While, however, life lasted, she did not consider that " the 
 work of faith" was done, — nor the " labour of love" ended. 
 When any question of spiritual importance was proposed to 
 her by letter, her trembling hand still endeavoured to direct, and 
 assist, the younger Christian; as will appear by the following 
 letter, written in May, 1832, to a friend who had asked, — " If 
 the spiritual life could be kept up by ejacnlatory 'prayer only ; 
 when, from constant engagement — under the direction of 
 others, — stated seasons of retirement became almost impossi- 
 ble." In reply to which, Mrs. Hawkes writes: — 
 
 " I cannot help having much concern about you, dearest one, 
 notwithstanding your description of all the enchanting scenery 
 that surrounds you ; because earth is but earth still, and more 
 dangerous because enchanting ; yet I feel thankful for the hold 
 you have of 'things that are unseen.' My own experience at 
 this very time makes me know, that while ejaculatory prayer 
 through tlie day is of great help — and is a mercy — yet it will 
 not make up for the loss of stated times of prayer ; because 
 it affords no calm recollections, — no self-searching, — no need- 
 ful meditation, — and pouring out of the inmost recesses of the 
 heart, before a throne of grace. On account of my pain and 
 infirmity — together with the constant administration my wretch- 
 ed body needs, — I can now seldom be alone ; I am not able to 
 engage, as I used to do, in sweet morning exercises before any 
 persons are stirring: and like you, I am every day panting for 
 the power to ' shut my doors about me.' I do catch, now and 
 
CHAP. X. — FROM JAN. TO OCT. 16, 1832. .361 
 
 then, a morsel of the living bread, in silent groanings ; but I 
 want time and quiet for a full banquet; and am sadly con- 
 cerned lest, from the want of it, I should become like the dry- 
 ground, where nothing is growing, If i feel this, where there 
 is nothing to attract, to amuse, or to excite, — how much more 
 must you, my dear, who have so much demand upon you. 
 Therefore do all you can to get into more abstraction, and re- 
 collection, and retirement. The example of self-denial might 
 do others good. You need great wisdom, and simple piety, to 
 shine as a light. 
 
 " I am much the same as when you left me, except that I 
 am more and more broken and feeble; and I am more long- 
 ing to enter into rest. I am greatly disturbed also by the sad 
 necessity to leave, shortly, my nice apartments here, without 
 an idea in what place 1 shall next lay this poor body. This 
 is an old trial ; but I never was so unfitted to meet it. 
 
 " You will be aware how much I feel the departure of our 
 Bishop.^ He has been to see me twice since his elevation to 
 the prelacy; and is most kind. He preached here twice on 
 Sunday. May he be kept from all evil, and be blessed with 
 all goJd !" 
 
 At Midsummer Mrs. Hawkes, wiih some difficulty, removed 
 from Cross Street, to Park Street, Islington: and seemed to 
 experience a slight revival from the change. A friend having 
 congratulated her, about this time, on her nearness to glory, 
 she replied, " Not very near; He is not ready, and /am not 
 ready." At another time she remarked, " I feel stripped of 
 every shred, and reduced to faith alone; but that is enough." 
 To a friend who called upon her in the hope of profiting by 
 her conversation, she said, " I am too weak to converse — I 
 am too weak to pray — I am too weak even to think; — but I 
 am in the Ark, and all is safe." Writing to her nephew, Mr. 
 E. T. Jones, she says : — 
 
 "Again the desired haven is not quite so near; yet it is 
 within my constant view, and I have only to stand, ready for 
 the solemn signal to cross the unknown Jordan of death; 
 which faith in Christ, our blessed deliverer from all its horrors, 
 can alone enable us to look upon without trembling. After many 
 years of expectation, and I trust, preparation for this solemn 
 event, I sincerely feel that when death has really fixed its 
 
 ' The Bishop of Calcutta. 
 31 
 
362 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 grasp, it opens to the recollected mind, about to enter the eter- 
 nal world, views and impressions which it is not easy to ima- 
 gine beforehand. Therefore, we have need, my dearest Eden, 
 to look again and again, that our house is indeed firmly built 
 on that solid and blessed Rock, which will save us from being 
 shaken when the storm ariseth. Through infinite mercy, 1 
 am favoured with much peace in my nearer approaches to the 
 grave. But ' my times are in His hand,' and I trust for dying 
 grace in dying times. My iron constitution, as I may call it, 
 seems now to say, — It is enough, — and yields pretty fast to 
 the long and large demands of disease, though it still shows 
 signs of resistance. 1 am indeed a monument of mercy ! Abun- 
 dant in loving-kindness, both as concerns my temporal and 
 spiritual life, do I daily experience that adorable, covenant- 
 keeping God, whose name is ' Emmanuel, God with us !' Oh ! 
 that we may live in him daily and hourly." 
 
 The last effort of Mrs. Hawkes's own hand to address a 
 
 friend, was in the following note to Mr. B . The grateful 
 
 effusions for some recent lavours with which it concludes, are 
 omitted for the sake of brevity : — 
 
 " Park Street, Aug. 3, 1832. 
 " My very kind and dear Friend, 
 
 " I hoped that I could have mustered up sufficient strength 
 to have returned you, without any delay, my best thanks for 
 your kind and profitable letter, which so truly suits my mind 
 and feelings ; and which leads me to hope, that such Christian 
 sympathy and regard will excite your constant and earnest 
 prayers for me. I comfort myself in the belief, that many 
 kind friends do remember me at the throne of grace, now, 
 when from a continual state of exhaustion, which seems little 
 short of death, I cannot pray for myself, except in ejaculations, 
 and broken utterances. Yet if these are, as I trust, those 
 « groanings of the blessed Spirit which cannot be uttered,' they 
 shall not be rejected, though accompanied with many sad in- 
 firmities, — because they are intrusted to that glorious Interces- 
 sor who purifies every sigh and tear with the ' much incense' 
 offered on high. Dying work is hard work to nature; but it 
 will not last long ; and then, Eye hath not seen, nor heart con- 
 ceived, what shall be ihe wonder and joy of the disimprisoned 
 spirit, set free from a body of sin and death. Until that favour- 
 ed release shall be granted, and every storm shall have passed 
 away, I would earnestly desire, and pray, to hide myself in 
 
CHAP. X. — FROM JAN. TO OCT. 16, 1832. 363 
 
 Christ, my only refuge. Surely ' the night is far spent, and 
 the day is at hand ! ' May I be enabled to endure what re- 
 mains of the night with cheerful resignation to the will of my 
 Father in heaven, — who chastens me far less than I deserve; 
 and mingles mercy and loving-kindness with every sorrow, so 
 that my songs of praise and thanksgiving far exceed my 
 moanings." 
 
 The two short prayers which follow, witlen with tremulous 
 hand a little before her death, were the last attempt to express 
 her feelings on paper : — 
 
 *• Oh, Thou ! whose bowels of compassion yearned over 
 Jerusalem, as in that tender lamentation, « How often would I 
 have gathered thee, as a hen gathereth her chickens under her 
 wings,' — let an afflicted, defenceless one, who ever in trouble 
 flies to thee, abide beneath thy spreading wings. Yea, ' under 
 the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until all my 
 calamities be overpast. ' " 
 
 " If Thou, O gracious Saviour, didst commend such as had 
 visited thee, ' sick and in prison,' with ' Inasmuch as ye have 
 done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have 
 done it unto me; how much more wilt thou thyself, ' whose 
 heart is made of tenderness,' come to a sick, oppressed pri- 
 soner, — the Lord's prisoner, — who crieth unto thee ; and es- 
 teems one drop of sweet balm from thee, more precious than 
 all other healing medicine. Come, O blessed Spirit of promise, 
 bring, and seal some word of Scripture on my heart and 
 memory, and it shall be sweeter than if an angel spake !" 
 
 Her prayer was answered : there was not much said in that 
 chamber of death ; all was solemn; all was silent; — save 
 when the dying child of Adam uttered a groan ! — save when 
 the living child of the second Adam breathed a prayer! but 
 there was no one in that sacred chamber who was not sensible 
 that ' The Lord was there." " The High and Holy One, who 
 inhabitcth eternity," was with this lowly, contrite one, to revive 
 her heart and spirit. His everlasting arms were underneath 
 the sufferer. All was peace : and the beams of the Sun of 
 Righteousness were shining through this chamber of death, for 
 all was Zoye, — love to God, and love to all the saints. Heaven 
 was drawing nigh, and hope was going forth to meet it; and 
 faith had laid her soul, like a passive infant, in the arms of her 
 
364 MEI^IOIRS OF 3IES. HAV/KES. 
 
 Saviour, waiting and praying, (in the sentiment of those lines 
 used by the Primitive Church) : 
 
 " When I shall get permission 
 
 To leave this mortal tent, 
 
 (From pains and griefs, dismission,) 
 
 Thyself just then present; 
 
 And let me when expiring, 
 
 On thy dear breast recline ; 
 
 And be true life acquiring. 
 
 From that pierc'd heart of thine !" 
 
 This soul, full of light and love, was not, however, alto- 
 gether silent. The feelings of gratitude stirred up the dying 
 embers of life, when nearly extinct. Having received a letter 
 from her valued friend, Mr. Sibthorp, containing a kind and 
 generous assistance towards her bodily comforts, she called to 
 one who was watching near her, to write while she dictated, 
 her acknowledgments. But recollection was nearly gone ; 
 and from beginning to express her sentiments in the fJii?'d per- 
 son, she occasionally spake in the Jirst, making, from weak- 
 ness, long intervals between each sentence. These intervals 
 were marked by dashes inserted by Mrs. Hawkes's amanuen- 
 sis, while writing from her lips, upon a rough paper; the sub- 
 stance of which vv'as afterwards copied, and introduced in the 
 following manner in a letter to Mr. Sibthorp : — ■ 
 
 " Rev. Sir, 
 
 I had the privilege of seeing dear Mrs. Hawkes yesterday, 
 and delivered to her your letter. I found her sinking very 
 fast, greatly reduced in strength, and in a more suffering state 
 than I ever saw her. She was scarcely able to speak, but en- 
 deavoured to dictate a reply. Her words were are follows ; — 
 
 " She wished me to express to you, her sincere and affec- 
 tionate thanks for your letter, and its generous contents, — the 
 help of which was important to her; — and most of all, for the 
 
 continuance of your friendship. She has been, and now is, 
 
 reduced to a state of dying weakness she never felt before. 
 
 I have been exceedingly longing to write both to yourself and 
 Mrs. Young ; but now 1 am past both. In such weak- 
 ness, it is impossible to have fixedness of thought; and there- 
 fore she is enable to throw herself on the promises, and the 
 Promiser ; and her constant inward cry is, — she hopes not 
 impatiently, — ' Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly, if it please 
 Thee :' and feels repose in a Father's care and love : 
 
CHAP. X. FROM JAN. TO OCT. 16, 1832. 365 
 
 and the everlasting covenant of salvation, ' ordered in aJl things 
 and sure.' She longs to tell you, ih3.ld jjing work, is strip- 
 ping iDorh ; and that it is not in observation, and high flights 
 
 of spirituality, but entirely hanging on the Saviour; not in 
 
 erecting high standards, but lying at the foot of the cross. Mr. 
 Sibthorp must pray for me; — my love to Mrs. Young, — ask 
 her prayers too, and every body's. My prayers will follow 
 them as long as I can breath one. — You may let him know 
 when I am gone.' " 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes then dozed for a short lime; and on re-open- 
 ing her eyes, and seeing her amanuensis sitting as before, she 
 began again to speak ; but it was doubted whether the hints 
 dropped were not more addressed to her friend then present, 
 than intended to be inserted in her letter. Her words were, 
 however, written down as follows :— 
 
 " Make more acquaintance with Him, (God) and then you 
 will hang upon him more. Do not puzzle yourself about your 
 dispensation, but cleave to Him. Give me a sweet touch of 
 drawing to Him, — and to say, God is my God, and hiding 
 place. Wash me from all self-righteousness ; — from all no- 
 tions that there has been any thing in me but wretchedness and 
 sin. Oh, I had not a shred left; — Oh, not a shred. — 1 look 
 back on my long life, and see much self-righteousness ; — I have 
 thought better of myself than I ought to think; — but now 1 
 think only of my Saviour. I had an extraordinary dispensa- 
 tion : 1 believe my faith has been right faith : Satan has 
 
 been permitted to thrust at me : but I trust 1 am able to say, 
 
 * in very faithfulness and righteousness. He does it all.' And 
 now I cast it (self-righteousness) all away — I cast myself on 
 
 Him. Take me, as I am ; make me as thou art ; 
 
 and if it may please Him to give me strength to endure." 
 
 At these words, a faintness came on, which was followed by 
 a doze; and she added no more at that time. 
 
 The parting spirit had a long and difficult struggle to get free. 
 Her " iron constitution," as she termed it, made a natural re- 
 sistance to death, as it had kept up a long fight with disease. 
 The result of this conflict shows, how little can be gathered 
 from the mere circumstance of what is called " dying easy;" 
 one condition alone is required for a safe and peaceful depar- 
 ture, — "For thou art with me." Psalm xxiii. 4. 
 
 On Sunday, Oct. 14, she expressed that she was suffering 
 *'31 
 
366 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 <' great pain," — "all over," — " shaken to death." But at the 
 same time, she was perfectly conscious, — of which there were 
 many proofs. That night, her nephew, Mr. Thomas Eden, 
 (who had for some time been one of her kind medical attend- 
 ants,) sat up with her, thinking she was very near death. On 
 Monday, the pain, " all over," as she said, increased most 
 dreadfully ; so that her screams and moans were distressing, 
 and the tossing of her arms was violent and incessant. She 
 still however knew every body, — looked at each with signs of 
 clear recognition, and called them by name. Besides great 
 pain, the shaldng of her frame was violent, so that persons 
 were obliged to sit on each side, to hold down her arms with 
 pillows. Her medical attendant made the remark, — that there 
 was not a muscle or tendon exempt from agitation. About 
 twelve, on Monday night, the violent pain seemed in some 
 measure to abate. On Tuesday, her eyes appeared more fixed ; 
 yet she still recognized, and cast an expressive look, first on 
 one, and then on another. In turning her head, she acciden- 
 tally caught sight of a portrait of the Bishop of Calcutta, and 
 said, "Dear Bishop !" — which proved that she was still able 
 to distinguish objects. Afterwards a stupor came on, and she 
 seemed to lose sensibility to every thing. Her frame became 
 more quiet, and she lay JDreathing less and less strongly. About 
 three o'clock in the afternoon, the Rev. Dr. Fearon came in, 
 and seeing her in the act of departure, he immediately knelt 
 down, and said, " Let us commend her spirit," — and shortly 
 after, it was perceived that she had ceased to breathe. 
 
 On Tuesday, Oct. 16, 1832, a few hours after the deliver- 
 ance of her immortal spirit, a post-morte?n examination took 
 place by Mr. Bateman : Mr. Hensley, her constant attendant 
 and intimate friend, Dr. Bright, — and other medical gentlemen 
 — being present. The result proved, that in addition to can- 
 cerous and calculus complaints, Mrs. Hawkes was the subject 
 of several very painful diseases ; and on the question being put 
 by one, " What did she die of?" It was replied, " Can you 
 see all this mass of disease, and ask what she died of? She 
 was worn out with bearing a complication of diseases." 
 
 On the Tuesday following her death, she was interred in the 
 family vault of her relative, George Milvvard, Esq., in the 
 burial ground of Pentonville Chapel. Her funeral service was 
 performed by the Rev. William Cecil, who came up to town to 
 pay this last tribute of respect to the memory of a friend of his 
 earliest years. On one side of the vault was placed the fol- 
 lowing inscription : — 
 
CHAP. X FROM JAN. TO OCT. 16, 1832. 367 
 
 Sacreti to tijc l^cmorn' 
 
 OF 
 
 MRS. SARAH HAVVKES, 
 
 WHO depahted this life 
 OCT. ]G, 1832, AGED 73 YEARS. 
 
 *' Whose faith folloiv" 
 
 Hebrews xiii. 7. 
 
 Her funeral sermon- was preached at the parish church of 
 St. Mary's, Islington, by the Rev. H. Francis Fell, from Psalm 
 cxix. 75. " I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are rio-ht, 
 and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me : " — a text which 
 she herself had chosen. 
 
 If, by the light of faith, such an estimate could be made of 
 afflictive providences, during the days of darkness and suffer- 
 ing here below ; — what will that estimate be, which the believer 
 shall be enabled to make, when admitted to the light of glory 
 and to the vision of God ! 
 
 A circumstance of interest in relation to Mrs. Hawkes's 
 spiritual experience, is mentioned by Mr. Fell, in her funeral 
 sermon ; in which he speaks as follows: — 
 
 " It has been my comfort, my privilege, and my joy — I may 
 add, my honour — to visit Mrs. Hawkcs from the commence- 
 ment of my residence at Islington ; and, with only one excep- 
 tion, I have invariably found her ' patient in tribulation, rejoic- 
 ing in hope, giving glory to God ; ' smarting indeed under a 
 rod of bodily suffering, which I can only describe as a constant 
 martyrdom, but ' gloryfying God in the fires.' From this 
 very exception we may learn her marvellous submissiveness, 
 wrought of God's Spirit; while it shews, that if for one mo- 
 ment we are left to ourselves, we become the prey of Satan's 
 artifices, and human weakness. I have made one exception, 
 and will state to you, in all simplicity, with a view to your 
 spiritual improvement, when and how it happened. Our "dear 
 friend, I may say, has been dying for years : but for two 
 months past, it has been apparent to those who affectionately 
 watched over her, that the days of her earthly pilgrimage 
 could be only very k\v. On Sunday, the 23d of September, 
 (1832) I received a message requesting a visit from me, and 
 after the services of the sanctuary were ended, I hastened to 
 
368 MEilOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 her sick chamber. To my grief, and surprise, I found her 
 mind bowed down to the very depths of painful disquietude, 
 unable to realize the presence of her Saviour, and harassed 
 with the fiery darts of the great enemy, who would have per- 
 suaded her that she had no interest in the death and passion of 
 our adorable Redeemer. Thanks be unto God for his gracious 
 help: his ministers are workers together with him, and the 
 weapons which they use 'are not carnal, but mighty through 
 God to the casting down imaginations, and every high thing 
 which exalteth itself against the knowledge of God.' In this 
 case, as in innumerable others, the Sword of the Spirit, which 
 is the word of God, carried home the truth to the heart by the 
 arm of Omnipotence, and prevailed. Satan was bruised un- 
 der her feet — the temptation vanished before the bright beams 
 of the Sun of Righteousness : and though much of her state at 
 that period might be charged on bodily debility, and feebleness 
 of mind, yet it is highly consolatory to know, that faith in 
 God's covenant, and faith in God's character, can enable the 
 child in years, and the aged pilgrim, to triumph over every 
 enemy; to 'thresh the mountains' of affliction, and to beat 
 them as small as the dust beneath the feet. 
 
 "From the very next day, if not that san)e night, she was 
 ao-ain enabled to cast all her care upon Him who cared for her; 
 and never afterwards, that 1 am aware, was she permitted to 
 doubt the goodness of the Saviour to herself personally."^ 
 
 This, however, was only a passing cloud, at the dawn of 
 a glorious day, to which no night should succeed! To a real 
 Christian, even the tomb is no longer darksome, but may be 
 compared to the bridal chamber. Christ, by lying in the 
 grave, has made it, to his people, a bed of spices. " They 
 shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness." 
 Isa. Ivii. 2. " Blessed are they that are called to the marriage 
 supper of the Lamb." Rev. xix. 9. For "they shall see his 
 face, and His name shall bo in their foreheads, and they need 
 no candle, neither light of the sun ; for the Lord God giveth 
 them light ; and they shall reign for ever and ever." Rev. xxii. 
 4,5. " For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall 
 feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters : 
 and God shall wipe all tears from their eyes." Rev. vii. 17. 
 
 » Fell's Sermons, page 265, 
 
CHAPTER Xr. 
 CONCLUDING REMARKS. 
 
 In bringing this Memoir to a close, it may be useful and inter- 
 esting to take a review, — First, of Mrs. Hawkes's character, 
 Natural, Moral, and Religious ; — Secondly, of her Af- 
 flictions ; — and, — Thirdly, endeavour to derive Instruction 
 from the whole. 
 
 In considering Mrs. Hawkes's Natural Character, no 
 attempt will be made to exalt the creature, but simply to bring 
 forward those distinguished qualities, with which it had pleased 
 God to endow her. In doing this, some difficulty will arise ; 
 — because, as in natural beauty, — though the first glance 
 makes us sensible of its presence — it is more easy to appre- 
 hend than to describe that symmetry; so in the endowments 
 and qualities of the mind, there may be a certain beautiful 
 combmation and proportion, which though obviously marked, 
 cannot easily be delineated. In Mrs. Hawkes's natural char- 
 acter, there was manifested, a singular comprehensiveness of 
 mind : — a judgment and practical wisdom which were of the 
 highest order; — a remarkable quickness and delicacy of feel- 
 ing; — a cordial and affectionate sympathy; an interesting vi- 
 vacity; — a tender and contemplative seriousness, — united in a 
 harmonious proportion, which it is less easy to conceive of ab- 
 stractedly, than to apprehend when seen. She was like a 
 well-tuned instrument, answering immediately to the touch — 
 whatever might bo tha strain desired. Her sweet social tem- 
 per was formed for friendship; and in the exercise of benevo- 
 lent and affectionate feelings, she seemed to move as in her 
 native element. Though extremely susceptible of grief, she 
 was a most cheerful and interesting companion, both to the old 
 and to the young; — to the latter slie was singularly attached. 
 The cast of her mind was contemplative; and after her con- 
 versation, this faculty found the highest and noblest exercise 
 in exploring the riches of Divine revelation. In conversation 
 she was peculiarly gifted ; but, from delicacy of feeling, and a 
 natural fear of obtrusiveness, she was the reverse of a great 
 talker: and when in company with persons of eminence, her 
 remarks were chiefly in the form of questions, by which she 
 
370 ME3I0IRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 had a happy facility of drawing forth the knowledge and ex- 
 perience of others. It will not therefore appear surprising, 
 that her society, was much desired by all who knew her. — 
 Her manners, though simple, were a little under restraint with 
 those towards whom she felt deference ; which arose, not from 
 any degree of mean servility, but from great sensitiveness, and 
 correctness of feeling. To her inferiors she was always be- 
 nevolent and condescending. Nor must the great generosity 
 of her disposition be overlooked. Largeness of heart was 
 manifested by the manner of doing " what she could," after 
 her circumstances became reduced. The shades of her natu- 
 ral character were, — a high and independent spirit, inclined to 
 resistance; a keen sense of injuries, as well as a lively per- 
 ception of kindness; — a sensibility which was too easily wound- 
 ed : hence, in early life, her peace was often broken through 
 excess of feeling; Flavel remarks, — "a strong affection makes 
 a strong affliction.'^'' — She was timid in an extraordinary de- 
 gree ; and from a kind of nervous apprehensiveness, she 
 was led sometimes to magnify evils in advance, though there 
 was a natural fortitude, which sustained them with magnanim- 
 ity, when in actual encounter. In person, she was of a pleas- 
 ing figure, and good stature; and, before her disease, inclined 
 to be slender. Her complexion was brown, with a fixed co- 
 lour in her cheeks. Her eyes were a fine dark hazel, expres- 
 sive of tenderness, intellect, and sweetness. Her whole coun- 
 tenance beamed with benevolence and sympathy. 
 
 In reference to Mrs. Hawkes's character in a Moral point 
 of view, we may remark that it was of an elevated stamp. — 
 Even before her conversion, she manifested in her inter- 
 course with others, a strong sense of propriety — great integri- 
 ty — sincerity — ingenuousness. Her high moral sense was a 
 special preservative during her career of worldliness and van- 
 ity ; — of which various proofs might be advanced. There was 
 a certain harmony between her natural and moral character, 
 which gave a lustre to both; and when each was improved 
 by Divine grace, her natural, moral, and religious character 
 blended like the fine colours of a prism. In thus setting forth 
 the elevated stamp of her character in a moral point of view, 
 there is no danger of conveying a false impression, as though 
 it could not consist with that natural depravity^ of which she 
 was so deeply sensible after her conversion ; and which she so 
 constantly deplored in all her writings — whether epistolary or 
 private. The high moral character of St. Paul is made to 
 stand out on the canvass, in order the more to call our alten- 
 
CONCLUDING REMARKS. 371 
 
 tion to the truth, that all this is consistent with the existence of 
 pride of hearty and enmity to God ; with self-will, and an 
 unrenewed mind: — nay, even with the very spirit of persecu- 
 tion. If there has been no change of heart, no work of the 
 Holy Spirit, moral virtues do but resemble the green moss, 
 sparkling with early dew, adorning a dead trunk which will 
 soon become fuel for the fire. 
 
 While, however, guarding the moral virtues from assuming 
 a place which they cannot occupy, let it not be once imagined, 
 that it is intended to advance any thing subversive of their real 
 importance. Mr. Cecil has remarked, " Morality should never 
 be under-valued, or spoken lightly of by any one; — for what 
 is man without it? It is essential to Christianity, But if it is 
 put in the place of Christ, if it set aside the blood and spirit 
 of Jesus, — it then becomes an opposer. Let Plato, Socrates, 
 Confucius, and others be honoured because they were diligent 
 men, doing their best by the light of a dim taper. But who 
 is he that when the Sun of Righteousness has arisen, will still 
 prefer the dim taper — the glimmering rushlight — and say, it 
 is better than the light of the Sun 1" Indeed such is the con- 
 nexion between one part of Divine truth and another, that those 
 who have the justest and largest views of Gospel grace, are 
 able to form the most exact and extensive estimate of moral 
 duty, — and are actuated by the highest motives to an exem- 
 plary life and conversation. Whatever might be the elevation 
 of Mrs. Hawkes's moral character before her conversion, the 
 doctrines she embraced had a tendency to raise it far higher 
 — because extending to the motives and inmost thoughts of 
 the heart. The Christian is "called with a holy calling ;" he 
 is bid to seek morality of the highest order, in the command, 
 "Be ye holy, for I am holy ;" and he who from a constant 
 study of the of divine perfections, especially as they shine in 
 the person of Jesus Christ, — together with diligent prayer for 
 the influences of the Holy Spirit, — seeks the renewal of God's 
 image on his soul, shall be made a " partaker of the Divine 
 nature," and at length obtain a place in the " general assem- 
 bly, among the spirits of just men made perfect.'^ 
 
 With regard more particularly to Mrs. Hawkes's Religious 
 character, we may remark, first, that her religion was the re- 
 ligion of a sinner. " I have heard of Thee by the hearing of 
 the ear," — said Job, the perfect and upright man, — " but now 
 mine eye seeth Thee." He does not say, therefore I am all ex- 
 ultation ; but — " therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust 
 and ashes." The holy angels veil their faces before the Divine 
 
372 MEMOIRS OP MRS. HAV/Kt^.K. 
 
 Majesty, and cast their crowns before him, as creatures. But 
 how much lower should man, who is a sinner, fall before Him ! 
 And as it is of the nature of genuine holiness to give a deep- 
 ening and increasing knowledge of sin, so we need not won- 
 der that the nearer Mrs. Hawkes drew towards her end, and 
 the closer her communion with God, the more did she multiply 
 expressions of her deep self-abasement and unworthiness. 
 Throughout the whole of her religious experience there may 
 be marked that humble and contrite spirit, with which it has 
 pleased God to say he would " dwell." This gracious temper 
 of soul she sought, and cherished, even to her dying hour. 
 We have seen the humility, love, and adoration, with which 
 her soul was filled as she drew near the end of her course, — 
 inferior only in degree to that of the sairits above. 
 
 VVe may observe, secondly, that her religion was one tchich 
 led her to embrace tkankfidly, all the proposals and promises 
 made to sinners, in the Gospel of Christ. She did not stand 
 at a distance, saying, ^'I knew Thee that Thou art an hard 
 man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where 
 thou hast no" strawed ; " but her acceptance of the Gospel, in 
 all its fulness and freeness, put honour upon the truth and 
 faithfulness of God ; while the obedience of her faith gave Him 
 glory. And He whose word cannot fail, though heaven and 
 earth should pass, fulfilled in her " all the good pleasure of his 
 goodness, and the work of faith with power." In old age she 
 was found lying down among the promises, and filled with love 
 to God, which is the very element of heaven. 
 
 Thirdly,— Her religion was strictly founded on the Holy 
 Scriptures. Her theology was not derived from notions of 
 her own, or of others. It was the result of marking, learning, 
 and inwardly digesting, the word of God. There she found, 
 in grand characters, the doctrine of a Crucified Saviour, as 
 the chief corner-stone on which to build her faith ; in connexion 
 with this, and inseparable from it, — the doctrines of Repent- 
 ance, Faith, and Love : there she learned to " hold fast the 
 form of sound v/ords," and to " beware lest any man should 
 spoil her through philosophy and vain deceit." There she 
 learned to fear the " new speculations and subtle novel no- 
 tions," which she considered were " casting a dimness over the 
 good old paths, wherein alone it is safe to walk ;" (see page 
 346.) For God had given to her "the Spirit of power and 
 of love, and of a sow/2f/ wir?<i." 
 
 Fourthly, — Her religion was operative. It must be obvious 
 to every one, that she was an industrious and a laborious 
 
CONCLUDING RE3IARKS. 373 
 
 Christian. Her constant remark was, " Every living being is 
 sent into this world to labour, not to rest: to fill u\) their sta- 
 tion, and then leave it to give in their account." Having "five 
 talents," she " gained also five talents more." How did she 
 labour to treasure up sermons, conversations, &c. — How did 
 she value, and attend, means of grace; — how did she seek the 
 company of the wise and godly, — what "carefulness" did she 
 manifest in the duties of repentance, self-examination, and 
 prayer; — and how did she show "the same diligence to the 
 end ; even under the pressure of the heaviest weights and in- 
 cumbrances ! 
 
 Fifthly, — As an additional proof of the genuine nature of her 
 religion, It was progressive. "A Christian," says Mr. Cecil, 
 " is an increasing light. A meteor, or a blazing star may 
 strike the eyes of the multitude, — but before they can well 
 look upon it, it is gone. But the Christian is like the sun, 
 which though it may rise in a mist, and its beams at first 
 scarcely appear, yet continues to rise higher and higher, — 
 taking a wider circle, — and shining stronger and brighter unto 
 the perfect day." 
 
 The Gospel seed had fallen on " good ground," and it 
 brought forth " an hundred-fold." This progress may be 
 noticed as standing in connexion with the most vigorous and 
 persevering use of means, and according to the promises of 
 spiritual improvement which are all made to spiritual dili- 
 gence — as the reward of grace and not of merit; because we 
 must ever bear in mind, that diligence itself is the result of 
 Divine grace, and not found in an unrenewed human heart. 
 Still the promise is, " To him that hath shall be given, and he 
 shall have abundance." He shall behold the connexion of all 
 moral duties with the moral perfections of God ; and shall go 
 on roceivincj " grace after srace," till he arrives at " the 
 measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ ! " 
 
 II. It will be useful to mark that School of Affliction in 
 which this true disciple of Christ was trained. There was one 
 character distinguished in Scripture as a " child of sorrow," 
 and this circumstance together with his "calling on the God 
 of Israel," is all we know of him who " was more honourable 
 than his brethren." While we examine the cup of sulfering, 
 which has been dispensed, by the Master at his table, to any 
 one whom he has " chosen in the furnace of afiliction," — we 
 should learn to honour him that drinketh ; and with much ten- 
 derness and caution enter into the enquiry, — how far a wise 
 and gracious Father may have appointed the cup, as a Sove- 
 32 
 
374 MEMOIRS OF MRS. HAWKES. 
 
 reign, giving no account of his matters : — and how far He has 
 chosen to make manifest the natural consequences of sin, work- 
 ing death. 
 
 There was One, and One only, who drank up " the dregs 
 of the cup of trembling," though He was " without sin." In 
 the cup of every child of Adam, there is a mixture which sin 
 hath infused. "We are apt," says Mr. Cecil, " to talk o{ in- 
 jirmity when we should talk of guilt,'''' " I will bear the in- 
 dignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him." 
 
 Without undertaking to form a further judgment, we can- 
 not but remark in reviewing Mrs. Hawkes's history, that her 
 troubles began from the period of her making a voluntary 
 launch into the world. Her painful experience cannot indeed 
 be traced to any deficiency in filling up relative duties ; for she 
 was most exemplary both as a wife, and as the mistress of a 
 family. Yet this case illustrates the consequences of taking 
 the first step in life unguardedly. It will not be considered a 
 sufficient answer, that Mrs. Hawkes, at the time of her mar- 
 riage, was herself an unconverted character; — because her 
 early privileges and strictly religious education, involved cer- 
 tain obligations. Mrs. Hawkes could not but be sensible of 
 the inconsistency of her conduct with those obligations ; and 
 of the hazard she incurred in giving such a pledge to the ir- 
 religious world. (See 2 Chron. xix. 2.) 
 
 Perhaps we shall be able to take a more just view of this 
 important subject, if we trace the action to its source ; and in 
 so doing, some hints may be suggested for the consideration of 
 the young. 
 
 A young person who has been blessed by Providence with 
 eminently pious parents, has been early " planted in the house 
 of the Lord ; " and the church is compared to " a garden en- 
 closed." Such a one, growing up with a right mind, will be 
 deeply sensible of this high privilege, and will deprecate the 
 idea of being cast out into the world, which may be compared 
 to "a waste howling wilderness," and thus exposed to all the 
 temptations and dangers of that unprotected situation. (See Ps. 
 Ixxx. 12, 13.) A wise young person would not desire even 
 to look towards the wilderness ; — much less taste of its crude 
 fruits, or venture to make experiment of its dangerous and 
 poisonous plants. But too many young persons think, that in 
 this they are left at liberty to make a choice. They say, 
 " We are not yet decided." — Not decided ! When God has 
 already decided /br you, by planting you in his Church! 
 (Compare Jer. ii. 21, with Ezek. xix. i3, and Isa. xliii. 1.) 
 
CONCLUDING RE3IARKS. 375 
 
 This plea is most unreasonable. " Not decided ! " when the 
 decision rests between the service of God and of Satan ! " Not 
 decided ! " when the stake is between heaven and hell ! " Oh, 
 but we hope soon to decide in favour of religion." — This plea 
 is presumptuous : 
 
 " Where is to-morrow ? in another world ! " 
 
 O delay not ! The parable of the ten virgins is set before us 
 as an instructive warning — " And while they went to buy, the 
 Bridegroom came." " But," say some, " We do not wish to 
 make a profession, lest we should dishonour it." So said Mrs. 
 Hawdies in the days of her vanity. And many delude them- 
 selves with this saying, as though it resulted from a conscien- 
 tious principle. But it is, on the contrary, a great sin to make 
 no profession of religion. It is to omit a duty absolutely re- 
 quired in Scripture, " If thou shall confess with thy mouth the 
 Lord Jesus, thou shalt be saved." Rom. x. 9. And so im- 
 portant was this considered by God in the case of the Jewish 
 Church, that he ordained an outward and visible sign to be at- 
 tached to their garments. See Numb. xv. 37 — 40. Moreover, 
 this reason, if sincerely alledged, proves great ignorance of the 
 nature of true religion, which never supposes any power in 
 man to act consistently without the constant help of the Holy 
 Spirit, — whose influences are promised to those who ask them. 
 It also shows great pride of heart, — less fear of living in open 
 rebellion against God, than of incurring the reproach of man. 
 But generally, such reasons are urged in the spirit of those 
 who " began with one consent to make excuse." The com- 
 mand given by God to the children of Christian parents, con- 
 tains both a direction and a promise: "My son, keep thy 
 father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother ; 
 bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy 
 neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee ; when thou slcep- 
 est it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk 
 with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is 
 light ; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.'''' Prov. 
 vi. 20—23. 
 
 Mrs. Hawkes has often remarked to the writer, that the grief 
 she occasioned to her mother by neglect of her pious counsels, 
 weighed heavily on her own heart all through life, and even 
 to old age. She did not give proper heed to the command- 
 ment which was to be her lamp — she chose to " walk in the 
 sight of her eyes, and in the imngination of her heart ; " and 
 the reproofs of instruction she disregarded : — was it not then 
 to be expected that she should be left to" stumble on the dark 
 
376 
 
 ME3I0IES OF MKS. IIAWKES. 
 
 mountains," and that her own ways should be made to reprove 
 her? Jer. ii. 19. It must indeed be acknowledged, that there 
 was in her cup an accumulation of temporal sorrows, greater 
 than what is ordinary in such cases : while through Sovereign 
 mercy, she was preserved from that deep spiritual loss which 
 in such a course she had too much reason to fear. 
 
 Oh, that all young persons would seriously consider the ob- 
 ligations under which they lie to pious parents, and that they 
 would close in at once with the offers of their best Friend ! 
 May He never have occasion to say to any one w ho reads these 
 lines, "O that thou hadst hearkened unto my commandments ! 
 then had thy peace been like a river, and thy righteousness as 
 the waves of the sea." Isa. xlviii. 18. Or in the words of that 
 tender and pathetic exclamation of our Saviour, Matt, xxiii. 27. 
 " How oft would I have gathered thee, as a hen gathcreth her 
 chickens under her wings, and ye would not ! " Oh, what a 
 cruel loss to your own souls! What opportunities lost of glo 
 rifying God, and of promoting the salvation of others! Oh 
 that each would earnestly enquire, Where shall I be hid when 
 the storm ariseth? and be led to seek shelter, before its ap 
 proach, in that Saviour who "gathers the lambs with his arm 
 and carries them in his bosom." Is. xl. 11. 
 
 III. — In endeavouring to derive Instruction from the whole 
 we may notice first, the evidence in favour of true and vital re 
 ligion, furnished by such a life as that of Mrs. Hawkes. 
 
 In order to enter into the design of Christianity, we should 
 not only observe its doctrines^ but its principles, and precepts, 
 and in what way they are brought into exercise. We should 
 mark how they support under trouble, and direct in difficulties. 
 The manner in which St. Paul speaks when in bonds, is an 
 argument in favour of Christianity. To be able to meet every 
 emergency of life with firmness, resignation, and cheerfulness; 
 to be able to look death in the face, — and that, upon substan- 
 tial grounds, because Christ took hold of our nature, Heb. ii. 
 14; John viii. 24: — to be able to exercise a holy familiarity 
 with God in Christ, as a sure refuge; this is Christianity. 
 Nothing but Christianity brings God and man together; every 
 other religion talks of him as at a distance. This is the grand 
 secret of a Christian, that there is a communication open be- 
 tween God and his soul. Viewed, and rested in without a re- 
 ference to their Author, what is the earth, what are the hea- 
 vens'? It were better for a man never to have seen them, than 
 to see them with the eye of a brute — stupid and unconscious 
 of what he beholds; than not be able to say, the Maker of all 
 these worlds is my Friend! 
 
CONCLUDING REMARKS. 'i ii 
 
 There is no evidence to the trutli of Christianity like that 
 which reflects from the life of a sincere and vigorous Christian, 
 in which is exhibited, the power of Divine grace, the strength 
 of faith, and all the beauty of the Christian character. For 
 •* if they that are fallen asleep in Christ are perished" — if ex- 
 amples of moral and spiritual excellence, such as Mrs. Hawkes, 
 are perished — a thought too revolting to moral sense when 
 duly exercised — then, indeed, is religion all a fable! But 
 thanks be to Almighty love, all true Christians, no less than 
 the patriarchs, stand in covenant-relation to God ; and our 
 Saviour hath said, " God is not the God of the dead, but of the 
 living; " and although saints are^hidden in the grave, God has 
 made a covenant with their dust, and appointed a set time to 
 remember them, Job xiv. 18. He will also remember their 
 works, as evidences and fruits of true faith, when " they that 
 be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament ; and 
 they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever 
 and ever." Dan. xii. 3. To such exemplars of true piety, 
 the world is ever indebted. The writer can speak practically : 
 the impressions of early childhood testify of Mrs. Hawkes, that 
 her being a member of Mr. Cecil's family was to his children 
 a HIGH BOON : conveying to their yet unformed minds the 
 fullest conviction of the truth of Christianity, while they learned 
 to regard her not only as a confidential friend, and cheerful 
 companion, but especially as a living exemplar of true piety, 
 in its most genuine form. 
 
 Secondly. In the case of Mrs. Hawkes, we have seen an 
 instance of the fulfilment of that promise, "To him that hath 
 shall be given, and he shall have abundance." But there fol- 
 lows in close connexion with this promise an important 
 WARNING, " Whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken even 
 that he hath :" a sentence full of awful and affecting truth. 
 
 He "hath," it may be, many present advantages, means, 
 and opportunities ; he " hath" the divine seed constantly fall- 
 ing on the field of his heart; he "hath," perhaps, some esti- 
 mation of these privileges ; and " hath" often made resolu- 
 tions to become an honest and obedient hearer. In the judg- 
 ment of charity, he " seemeth to have" sincerity, uprightness, 
 and willingness of heart; his illumination of mind, and high 
 moral virtues, " seem" to promise a ready reception of that 
 seed which brings forth a hundred-fold more, and better fruits, 
 than nature's soil can produce: but there is an awful reverse 
 implied: there is some cause why he " hath not" received the 
 seed of the word into his heart, and why he loill not. There- 
 32" 
 
378 MEMOIRS OF MRS. UAWKES. 
 
 fore " from him shall be taken away, even that he hath." It 
 shall be taken away judicially. All that was really good wus 
 derived from the Spirit of God, and was a talent lent for im- 
 provement, But from the unprofitable servant, the talent shall 
 be taken away. He shall be left to utter darkness. Heb. vi. 
 7, 8 ; For just in proportion to a man's light, will God regard 
 a steadfast alienation i"rom his will. 
 
 Let each search and examine what is the moral cause why 
 he individually does not understand and receive the word. A 
 thousand causes might be assigned by another, and not one 
 of them touch the case ; and thus persons elude conviction 
 while they perceive that the causes of impenitency, generally 
 alledged, do not apply to themselves : but conscience, impar- 
 tially examined and listened to, might testify accurately. The 
 divine sentence hath pronounced, that the fault of an unprofit- 
 able hearer lies in the nature of the soil into which the divine 
 seed is cast, namely, into a careless^ hard, or worldly mind. 
 Matt. xiii. 18, 23. 
 
 Thirdly. Let the afflicted Christian learn to distinguish be- 
 tween the world's remedy, and that which is provided in the 
 Gospel. To be favoured with a realizing sense of those words, 
 " I know their sorrows," is a sweet balm for every trouble ; even 
 the bitterest, and most poignant, that a renewed heart can feel, 
 — the sorrow for sin. It is the path and privilege of a believer 
 to imitate Jesus ; to take the cup of suffering as from a Father's 
 hand, from whom he may be assured of constant and adequate 
 support. What is pain, sickness, or even death itself, compared 
 with alienation of the heart from God 7 This is the grand evil, 
 from which all others proceed. Let us then think less of our 
 own cup, whatever it maybe, (since it will surely prove medi- 
 cinal,) and think more of Him who drank a cup of wrath, even 
 to the dregs, in order to provide for us a cup of consolation. 
 Eminent Christians have generally an especial discipline, in pro- 
 portion to that usefulness to which they are de^signed. Thus 
 St. Paul had a thorn in the flesh : and many other travellers to 
 Zion have likewise found something rankling, festering, and 
 harassing them, like a thorn, uhich they were unable to ex- 
 tract. For this divine discipline we should stand prepared. 
 Luther writes to John of Flesse, "You have entered the ship 
 with Christ ; what do you look for? Fine weather? Rather 
 expect winds, tempests, and waves to cover the vessel, till she 
 begins to sink. This is tie baptism with which you must be 
 first baptized , and then ti.ecalm will follow, upon your awak- 
 ening Christ and imploring his help; for sometimes he will 
 
CONCLUDING REMARKS. 379 
 
 appear to sleep for a season. The process of afRiction is in- 
 tended to prepare and make room in the heart for the grace 
 of Christ : because the tendency of the human heart is to pride 
 and self-dependence. Another important end of affliction is, 
 that it quickens to eaimest heart-prayer. Our blessed Saviour 
 in the garden prayed yet more earnestly, till " His sweat was as 
 it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." And 
 this urgency of prayer was effectual to obtain the sustaining 
 and strengthening influences which his human nature required. 
 So the afflicted Christian is driven to lay hold of God by prayer; 
 he flies to the bosom of his Saviour, where alone he finds true 
 repose, derives strength, and is enabled to maintain that spir- 
 itual communion and intercourse with God, which is the life 
 of the soul, which is to fit him for heaven, and which distin- 
 guishes the true believer from the hypocrite. 
 
 And, by degrees, the Christian perceives the designs of all 
 his afflictions, and acquiesces in the process by which God is 
 training him for glory ; he obtains a humble and resigned 
 spirit, and learns to say, with the subject of this Memoir, " I 
 know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in 
 faithfulness hast afflicted me." 
 
 Lastly. The subject addresses itself to Professing Chris- 
 tians generally, leading them to take a right view of their call- 
 ing as the disciples of a crucified Saviour. As Christians we 
 have been " baptized into his death !" Let us embrace the 
 doctrine of the cross as the true and proper joy of man upon 
 earth. Shall the servant expect a smoother path than the Lord ? 
 Let it suffice that " neither tribulation, nor distress, nor perse- 
 cution, nor famine, nor peril, nor sword, shall be able, to sep- 
 arate us from the love of Christ." In every trial our Saviour 
 seems to say to us, " Are ye able to drink of the cup that I 
 shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am 
 baptized with ?" His estimate was, when about to suffer, " Now 
 is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him." " Let 
 us arm ourselves with the same mind: bein<T " streniTthened 
 with all might by his glorious power, unto all long-suffering 
 with joyfulness." "There remaineih a rest to the people of 
 God," which must be ardently desired by weary pilgrims. But 
 though delayed, the inheritance is certain, and the promise is 
 sure. " Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the tem- 
 ple of my God, and he shall ao no more out: and I will write 
 upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of 
 my God, which is New Jerusalem, which cometh down out of 
 heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new 
 name," Rev. iii. 12. 
 
APPENDIX; 
 
 CONTAINING 
 
 SvuQmtntB nn'o ^tjstracts of <Sennons, 
 
 PREACHED BY THE REV. RICHARD CECIL, 
 
 CHIEFLY IN 1795 AND 1796; 
 
 AS TAKEN DOWN BY MRS. HAWKE3. 
 
 REMARKS 
 
 MADE BY HIM IN CONVERSATION WITH MRS. HAWKES, 
 
 VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
.IFraamcnts mxXi ^listracts of ^evmous. 
 
 ON PROVIDENCE. 
 
 And the thing was good in the eyes of Pharaoh and in the 
 eyes of all his servants. And Pharaoh said unto his ser- 
 vants. Can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom 
 the Spi?Ht of God is ? — Gen. xli, 37, 38. 
 
 When God goes before a man, every thing that is good for 
 him shall follow him. " Promotion cometh neither from the 
 east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the 
 judge : he putteth down one and setteth up another." A great 
 part of the Bible is to show us that all creatures are in God's 
 hand ; and that he will either make our afflictions work to- 
 gether for good, or remove them. But the believer must wait 
 for God's time of deliverance : he may think it long in com- 
 ing, — forgetting that God's time is the best time. There is a 
 tide in our affairs: how easily does the vessel move with the 
 tide; but let that go down, and leave it upon the rsands, and 
 no human arm can remove it; whereas, when the tide returns 
 again, it needs no help from man. " If the vision tarry, wait 
 for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." Hab. ii. 3. 
 
 And the thing was good in the eyes of Pharaoh and of all 
 his servants. The servants were pleased with the proposal, 
 which was more than could be expected : for they might have 
 said, " Is a stranger, a Hebrew, to be honoured more than the 
 favourites of the king's court?" 
 
 And Pharaoh said. Can we find such a one as this is, a man 
 in whom the Spirit of God is ? This is a proof that Pharaoh 
 was a wise and considerate king; that he could see into Joseph's 
 character, and chose such a man in preference to others ; but 
 God's hand must be seen here ; though Joseph had much to 
 
384 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 fear from that fickleness which is too much the character of 
 man, yet in respect of Joseph, Pharaoh was not permitted to 
 change. 
 
 The Christian is here taught to depend on God alone: and in 
 doing this, he becomes the most independent being in the world. 
 He has nothing to do with times and seasons — nothing to do 
 with creatures — nothing to do with consequences and events — 
 all these he leaves to God, and trusts only in him. 
 
 Can we find such a one as this is ? Joseph's character had 
 been vilified and obscured ; Chap. xxix. but time shall show 
 every man's character. All shall one day know, that true 
 wisdom, and true religion, are the same thing. " We fools 
 counted his life madness." Oh, that the man who is asking, 
 " Who will shew me any good?" who is looking first to this 
 vain object, and then to that, would put up an earnest prayer 
 to God, " Lift up the light of thy countenance upon me." He 
 would soon find he wanted no other good ; and that the way 
 to gain all, is to give up all for God. " The tear of the Lord, 
 that is wisdom ; and to depart from evil, is understanding." 
 Such a one will say with Joseph, when temptation presents 
 itself, though never so secretly, " How can I do this great 
 wickedness, and sin against God?" This is solid wisdom. 
 
 Joseph had God always in remembrance ; He was his one 
 object in prison and in preferment, in affliction and in pros- 
 perity. This is to be blessed indeed ; and to be truly hon- 
 ourable. Whenever you see a man cleaving to God with full 
 purpose of heart, say — He is a blessed man ! 
 
 And Jacob their father said unto them, Me have ye bereaved 
 of my children. Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye 
 will take Benjamin away: all these things are against 
 me.— Gen. xlii. 36. 
 
 From this history we may see how providence may be mis- 
 interpreted even by a godly man ; he often frets where he 
 might rejoice, and complains where he should trust ; and is 
 apt to pronounce hastily upon what he should first consider 
 deeply and humbly ; hence he is liable to despondency. 
 
 Let us enquire, how we may be preserved from these pain- 
 ful fears. First, we must examine upon what footing we stand ; 
 
ON PROVIDENCE. 385 
 
 for if things are really against us, wc ought to take care of 
 deception ; and whether they are against us, or for us, de- 
 pends upon this, " Say ye to the righteous, it shall be well 
 with him." Though Joseph is not, though Simeon is not, and 
 though Benjamin may be taken away, — though bonds and af- 
 flictions await, — yet " All things shall work together for good 
 to them who love God." Say ye to the righteous, well. But 
 say not so to the wicked man : for it is cruel ; you will de- 
 ceive him. Tell him on the contrary, that however he is in- 
 creased in goods, in honours, &c.. All things are against 
 him. Has he great riches? " How hardly shall a rich man 
 enter into the kingdom of heaven?" Is he a genius? that in- 
 duces ^a^/eri/. Has he understanding? that produces proud 
 reasonings. All these things are against him : for they make 
 him forget God. There is indeed one thingybr him, namely, 
 that he has a day of grace granted that he may hear the word 
 of life ; but this he forgets, neglects, or trifles with : and if he 
 goes on thus, even these things will be against him. 
 
 It is otherwise with ihosje who have chosen Jacob's God ; 
 who have fled for refuge to him. God is to the believer not 
 merely his Creator, but his God in covenant. 
 
 If you have been remiss — if you have wandered out of the 
 way, — then these things ought to be considered ; for God may 
 be making use of chastisements for this very end, — to make 
 you consider your ways. But still there is no ground for des- 
 pondency : for his loving-kindness is not taken away. He 
 will make these very alllictions to forward your spiritual 
 growth: they shall humble and purify: and all will be well 
 at last. There is peace with God, to be obtained through 
 Christ, by all who * with hearty repentance and true faith turn 
 to him.' 
 
 We should every day learn to correct the errors of sense by 
 faith. We should learn never to draw hasty conclusions from 
 present appearances, but hear what God has declared. Jacob 
 should have called to mind that God had said to him, " I will 
 surely do thee good." He should have remembered the time 
 when things were as much against him as noiv, namely, when 
 Esau went out to meet him with four hundred men. He 
 should have looked back on his own prayer, (Gen. xxxii. 9 — 
 12.) He should have rested in the same manner as hereto- 
 fore on the promise, "And thou saidst, 1 will surely do thee 
 good." And he might have added. If thou art pleased not to 
 deliver in this instance, yet in some way or other, that I know 
 33 
 
386 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 not of, Thou wilt accomplish the promise, " I will surely do 
 thee good." 
 
 Let the believer weigh the promises, jand pray that he may 
 hold fast by the word, and say, by the help of God, " I will not 
 let thee go." God has not indeed assured me that my house 
 shall be so with God as I wish it to be — so as it should be — 
 but, *' He has made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered 
 in all things and sure, and this is all my salvation and all my 
 desire." If we judge of providences by sense, we must be for 
 ever making mistakes. In the end, Providence will explain 
 itself; and in the interval, faith must rest on God's word : 
 hold fast by that, and keep a watchful eye upon whatever 
 would loosen your hold. Let sense be kept within its own 
 province, and let faith speak, which says, God's word shall 
 never fail. Guard against desponding thoughts. Melancholy 
 is a dangerous disease. " Who is among you that feareth the 
 Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in 
 darkness and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the 
 Lord, and stay upon his God." Isa. 1. 10. 
 
 And the woman conceived, and bare a son : and when she 
 saw him that he ivos a goodly child, she hid him three 
 months. — Exodus ii. 2. 
 
 Remark first, the time of Moses' appearing, namely, when 
 the church was in its deepest distress. We see by verses 23 
 and 24, that God heard the prayer of the Israelites, as he al- 
 ways does the cry of the afflicted and destitute. Whatever 
 men are doing in the Church, God is never unmindful of it; 
 nor is the Church ever forgotten by him : when it comes to its 
 darkest hour, the dawn begins to break. This should teach 
 us that when our distress is peculiar and deep, we are then 
 nearest relief. 
 
 Remark, secondly, the faith of the parents. Scripture is the 
 best explanation of Scripture. The 11th chapter of Hebrews 
 shows us, that the parents of Moses exercised faith upon a 
 promise. They hid him, seeing he " was a goodly child." They 
 had the promise of a deliverer, and perhaps thought that this 
 infant might be designed for some great end : God commends 
 
ON PROVIDENCE. 387 
 
 their conduct. To have an eye directed to him in opposition 
 to the world, is well pleasing in his sight. 
 
 A nnan that understands the promises of God, will be so far 
 from neglecting the use of means, that he will be more careful 
 in their observance. 
 
 We should learn from this passage, to hide our children as 
 much as possible from mischief; and when they are called out 
 from under our wing, it will further teach us how to usher 
 them into the world by faith and prayer, that when they go 
 from under our protection, they may go under the protection 
 of God. Are you a parent, and do you wish to make your 
 children fond of the world, and the world fond of them? If 
 you are an enlightened parent, you will rather cry that the 
 eyes of your children may be opened, — that although they 
 may be poor and of mean capacity, yet that they may be rich in 
 faith : put up this prayer for them, " Father of Glory, open the 
 eyes of their understanding! take them under thy protection ; 
 make them the children of thy special providence I " See the 
 particular providence of God with respect to Moses. See the 
 dangers to which he was exposed, when his mother could no 
 longer conceal him. When in the most imminent danger, 
 Pharaoh's daughter came, and her heart was softened, and 
 predisposed to take care of him through all the dangers he must 
 have to encounter. The bye-standers might probably say, 
 What a fortunate accident! What a lucky child! But the 
 Christian must not talk so. He is one who is called to watch 
 God's providence : Moses should have the offer of the great 
 things of Egypt, that he might have the opportunity to refuse 
 them. Oh that we regarded not only the God who governs 
 the stars, but the God o'l minute providences — the Overruler of 
 moments ! so that not even a sparrow shall fall to the ground 
 unnoticed by him. 
 
 Observe the preparation God made to bring out Moses. He 
 was put into a peculiar situation ; — he had given him a peculiar 
 spirit ; — he was furnished with all the knowledge, wisdom, and 
 learning, for which Egypt was so famed ; — he had every ad- 
 vantage which could fit him for a soldier, a ruler, a governor, 
 to his brethren. He was removed from a court to solitude, to 
 live unknown, unnoticed, in the capacity of a shepherd. A 
 course of providences is God's school. 
 
 We are to learn from this part of Moses' history, to submit 
 to change of circumstances ; — to bear the yoke; — to be willing 
 to leave the society of our best friends; — and to retire into ob- 
 
388 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 scurity, if God so appoints. The private Christian, whatever 
 be his station, has a charge ; and he is called upon, in his cir- 
 cle, to glorify God. 
 
 And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruise of 
 oilfaily according to the ivord of the Lord, which he spake 
 by Elijah. — 1 Kings xvii. 16. 
 
 The child of special providence, who is walking in the path 
 that God points out, differs from others, in that he walks look- 
 ing to God, — looking at his Bible, — and casting his care on 
 God. He is an enlightened child, and an exercised child. 
 
 We must use means, but not dejjend on them. Human 
 power is nature's idol. Every man has a habit of examining 
 whether the fig-tree blossoms, or if there be any fruit in the 
 vine ; or oil in the olive ; or herd in the stall ; — but God's 
 voice to us is. Look away from these things ; you do not de- 
 pend on the vine, &c. — " The blessing of the Lord, that 
 maketh rich." It is a great thing for a man in time of trial to 
 have sound principles: to live in a steady, quiet, patient reli- 
 ance upon God. 
 
 The child of special providence is strangely relieved. The 
 barrel of meal i.vasted not. Any deviation from the common 
 course of nature is just as easy for the Almighty to effect, as 
 to keep unbroken the usual routine of common events. Strange 
 reliefs are in order to make the hand of God more visible. 
 
 The children of God are highly favoured in their education : 
 in their independence upon ail but God himself. He bids them 
 live upon the meal, though but a handful. Even Elijah must 
 be taught a life of dependence : first fed by ravens, and then 
 by a poor widow ; and he never seems to have objected to 
 God's method of dealing with him. 
 
 Christians who have trod the road of experience, all seem 
 to have gained such an acquaintance with God in the course 
 of his providence, as to have their hearts brought info a spirit- 
 ual habit of turning to Him in all trouble. Such an one will 
 say, God has been my friend, He has blessed me, and there- 
 fore I will call upon Him. Shall it be thought thai the man 
 who has the love of God in his heart shall ever Ji^ant any thing ? 
 
 Let us study in the Scripture God's method of dealing. He 
 
ON PROVIDENCE. 389 
 
 gives his children faith, and then tries it : the increase of the 
 wido\v''s faith was as great a miracle of grace, as the supply 
 of oil was a miracle of providence. 
 
 The expectation of evil weakens and dissipates our powers. 
 There is enough to-day before us ; therefore leave the morrow 
 to God : he knows how to provide for it. What suffering or 
 trial the Christian has passed through is nothing, except as it 
 instructs and humbles him : nor is the trial or trouble of to- 
 morrow any thing, but as it teaches him dependence and trust. 
 The true Christian is taught to be thankful in all circumstan- 
 ces, because he has that within him which cannot be taken 
 away. 
 
 If we have a difficult and humbling path, let us beware of a 
 crooked way, and of saying, " I cannot bear to be supported 
 in such and such a way : 1 will at any rate invent and attempt 
 a better." Two years, it is supposed, this widow lived, giving 
 her bread to Elijah ; and yet the barrel of meal wasted not, 
 neither did the cruise of oil fail, according to the icord of the 
 Lord which he spake by Elijah. 
 
 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing ? and one of them 
 shall not fall on the ground without your Father. — Mat- 
 thew X. 29. 
 
 Real religion is neither more nor less than the life of God 
 in the soul of man. We should therefore imitate our great 
 Master in speaking upon truths which search the heart, and 
 enter into the experience : such a subject is now before us. 
 Our Lord is here found preparing his disciples to meet the 
 commission which he had given them, to go and preach to all 
 nations. He charged them that what he had spoken in dark- 
 ness, they should speak in the light ; and adds, " what ye hear 
 in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops." Do not be 
 afraid to undertake this commission ; " fear not them that kill 
 the body ;" consider (as though he had said,) that peculiar go- 
 vernment, that particular providence, which I exercise in the 
 world : are not two sparrows sold for a farthing ? and not 
 one of them shall fall on the ground without your Father. 
 
 1. Let us consider this attribute of the Divine Being, called 
 Providence. 
 
 33* 
 
390 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 There has been a dispute in the world whether God's provi- 
 dence is a mere outline, a general direction given to creation 
 after it was formed ; or, whether God condescends to take up 
 this particular part of his prerogative in the government of 
 every atom. Bishop Hopkins observes, " There is not a cloud 
 of dust raised by his chariot wheels, but God notices where 
 every atom of the dust shall fall." This is called a particu- 
 lar providence. But it is surprising to me, if a man credits 
 his Bible, how such a dispute could arise in the world. I put 
 it to your consideration : — suppose our Lord designed to main- 
 tain that very particular providence which has been the sub- 
 ject of dispute — suppose he meant to take that side of the ques- 
 tion, and lay it down for certain that there was nothing, how- 
 ever minute, that did not come under the eye of providence — 
 what words could he employ more directly to assert the par- 
 ticular providence of God 1 Are not two sparroics sold for a 
 farthing ? and one ofthern shall not fall on the ground ivith- 
 out your Father. And as though he designed, if ))ossible, to 
 go beyond this, he says, " I tell you, the very hairs of your 
 head," — which you may think nothing about, as to their num- 
 ber, — of these there is a register, an account kept; they "are 
 all numbered." What could our Saviour say more, to estab- 
 lish the doctrine of a par/icz^/ar providence? The truth is, 
 and it will appear from the Bible, that God works everywhere, 
 as Creator, Governor, and Benefactor. The existence of life 
 in a gnat, or in the smallest insect in the remotest desert, seems 
 to say, God is here : it is by his creation and preservation that 
 I live : so that men have mistaken the matter exceedingly, in 
 supposing that there are useless parts of the earth: the infinite 
 and numberless swarms of insects that live where the foot of 
 man never trod, are still parts of his ways, and manifestations 
 of his power, and continued benefactions. By his power an an- 
 gel descends ; and a sparrow does not fall without it. So Christ 
 hath taught usj and that is sufficient for us to ground our faith 
 upon. 
 
 We are frequently disposed to give a sort oi" general regard 
 to God, and are not so disposed to credit that the hairs of our 
 heads are all numbered. But we learn from the Bible, that the 
 providence of God is ever active. A stone thrown into the 
 water forms ring after ring, till the eye cannot follow it. 
 Things seem to us to be insulated ; but the connexion, conse- 
 quence and relation is beyond all calculation. Thus the 
 wheels of a clock seem to go contrary ways ; but they all tend 
 to one end and design ; and therefore form an emblem of pro- 
 
ON PROVIDENCE. 391 
 
 vidence. Why could not King Ahasuerus sleep? Because God 
 was bringing about the deliverance of the Jews. Bishop Hall 
 says, "How vain that reckoning where God is left out." " The 
 eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth." 
 
 II. Consider the particular use we should make of this as- 
 sertion of our Lord, " Not a sparrow falleth to the ground with- 
 out your Father." 
 
 First, it should teach us to guard against charging God fool- 
 ishly. It is said to the hon(jur of Job, " In all this Job sinned 
 not, nor charged God foolishly." We are too apt to be- 
 lieve the report of our senses ; and are found frequently for- 
 getting, or slighting, the report of God, who positively declares 
 in his word, not only that all things shall., but do, work to- 
 gether for good " to them who are the called according to his 
 purpose;" Rom. viii. 28: and therefore he teaches us in his 
 word, to trust in the Lord with all our hearts, and not to lean 
 to our own understanding ; i. e. not to take the reports of sense, 
 but in all our ways to acknowledge Him, and say, " God is 
 here." We are ever too ready to fall into the sin of charging 
 God foolishly, and to think every thing wrong but ourselves : 
 now one of the grand designs of God in his providence, is to 
 cure us of this. When a chemist puts his precious materials 
 into the fire, it is not to destroy, but as the poet says, — 
 
 " To wring their shy retiring virtues out." 
 
 God will thus wring out of the heart of man, patience, submis- 
 sion, faith ; he will teach him to walk humbly, — and to see he 
 has no reason to complain, nor any right to complain. It is 
 of great importance in practical experience for us to realize 
 God's acting in particular providences. Without this, we be- 
 come the sport of our own imaginations, and are in danger of 
 being not only miserable wretches, but a sort of atheists. The 
 language of such a creature as man ought to be. Though 
 " clouds and darkness are round about him ; righteousness and 
 judgment are the habitation of his throne," — Ps, xcvii. 2. 
 
 Secondly, — We should learn to be on our guard against 
 tempting God. He brings a heavy charge against his church 
 of old. "They tempted the Holy One of Israel." This is 
 an important part of the improvement we should make of this 
 doctrine. We should lay it down as a maxim firmer than hea- 
 ven and earth, that not a sparrow falls — nor a hair of our 
 head — unnoticed : yet we should hold this truth with rever- 
 ence, and a holy awe. Satan can preach the doctrine of prov- 
 idence, see Matt. iv. 3 — 6. " If thou be the Son of God, cast 
 
392 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 thyself down, for it is written, He shall give his angels charge 
 concerning thee." We should take heed how we tempt God 
 because of the perfection of his providence. We are to act 
 like rational creatures, consistently with God's word : any 
 thing may be made out of Scripture if it is taken separately : 
 But, It is li-ritteu again. Every Scripture is surrounded by 
 a guard from other Scriptures. 
 
 Some people are so perverse and extravagant as to say, that 
 because God orders every thing in heaven and earth, and 
 every thing submits to his Government, therefore it is in vain 
 to attempt any thing, nor are we responsible for what happens. 
 St. Peter proves otherwise, when he says, " Him being deliv- 
 ered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye 
 have taken, and by uicked hands have crucified and slain." 
 " The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil 
 and the good." Prov. xv. 3. Shall I meet those eyes as a 
 rebel, and a tempter of God? those eyes that arrested Jonah 
 in his rebellion as a fugitive? which marked the conduct of 
 David, &c. ; the same eyes marked, though with compassion, 
 the folly of Peter, and humbled him for his sin. Instead there- 
 fore of tempting God, let us say with the Psalmist, " O Lord, 
 thou knowest my down-sitting and mine up-rising, and art ac- 
 quainted with all my ways, &c.; therefore search me O God, and 
 know my heart ; and see if there be any wicked way in me, 
 and lead me in the way everlasting." " I will set the Lord al- 
 ways before me;" and while He is governing the universe, I 
 will endeavour to be found such a man as He has commanded 
 me to be. 
 
 INeither does God give encouragement to daring, imprudent 
 ventures: to that blind, heated, enthusiastic conduct which at- 
 tends some professors, who think they are safe when engaged 
 in the cause of religion though guilty of the greatest impru- 
 dences. Religion was never meant to destroy our reason, but 
 to strengthen it. We are to be cautious ;— our Saviour him- 
 self says, " If they persecute you in one city flee to another." 
 You are not to be cowards : — but neither are you to be daring. 
 We also tempt God when we create unnecessary wants. 
 
 Thirdly, — We should learn from this Scripture to watch 
 against distrust. God gives us this admonition in immediate 
 connection with the text, "Fear ye not, therefore, ye are of 
 more value than many sparrows." What would a single act 
 of distrust have done in the case of Noah? Instead of being 
 saved, he must have perished. What would distrust have 
 done in the case of Naaman 1 So Moses, &;c. 
 
ON TEMPTATION. 393 
 
 My dear brethren, there are many things in which God 
 makes no appeal to us, — none at all : He seems to say, — Go 
 on, and trust me every step of the way : I give no account of 
 my matters: you must go where I command you; — must 
 learn to trust me, who will condescend to the falling of a spar- 
 row. 
 
 What a ground of confidence is here ! We ought therefore 
 to say, TheLord is my strength, of whom shall 1 be afraid ? 
 That is the best state of a Christian when he is afraid o^ every 
 thing and afraid of nothing. " Are not two sparrows sold 
 for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall to the ground 
 without your Father." " Go and preach the Gospel to every 
 creature," saith Christ : but do not the Jews object to this, and 
 find it a stumbling block? and does not the Greek consider it 
 foolishness, and unworthy his attention ? Yet the apostles went 
 on, without making any appeal to either Jew or Greek — but 
 only to the God who governs the universe. 
 
 My dear hearers, we are planners for eternity, and need to 
 stand upon a firm foundation. St. Paul tells us what that foun- 
 dation is. 1 Cor. iii. 11. " Other foundation can no man lay 
 than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ." How extraordinary 
 soever the truth may appear, yet that poor despised One that 
 hung on the cross, who had no where to lay his head, is He 
 who" has the keys of hell and of death, and rules the affairs of 
 the whole universe. Let us therefore turn to Jesus Christ ; 
 and remember, that our strength and direction must come from 
 him who is " the author and finisher of our faith." 
 
 ON TEMPTATION. 
 
 Then ivas Jesus led vp of the Spirit into the u'ilderness, to 
 be tempted of the devil, (S^c. — Matt. iv. 1 — 10. 
 
 The enemy lays those temptations in our way which are 
 most suited to our situation, slate of mind, &c. &c. Thus he 
 went to our Lord. The seasons for Satan's attacks are the 
 times of distress, when the heart is softened, and less able to 
 make resistance. 
 
894 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 Temptation is also peculiar to high employments, ver. 3. 
 If thou he the Son of God^ &c. — If Satan puts our Saviour 
 upon proving his Son-ship, no wonder he often tempts the 
 Christian to doubt his relation to Christ ; and if he can get us 
 to parley with him, he will soon be putting us uponn eedless 
 proof. 
 
 We are to understand from Christ's being tempted, that 
 temptation is common to human nature, and not an evil in it- 
 self The highest favours do not exempt us from temptation. 
 God has prepared us for special assaults : " Thy shoes shall 
 be iron and brass," &c. 
 
 Ver. 4. But he answered and said, It is icritten. The 
 same question must be urged to every temptation : — our imme- 
 diate reply must be, like our great Master, " It is written." 
 
 Ver. 5. Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, 
 and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple. Satan will be 
 busy even in the holy city, — even in the Temple. The pin- 
 nacle is the most dangerous place ; for the greater the height, 
 the greater is the believer's call for watchfulness — because the 
 greater would be his/a?/. Beware of a desire to climb. A 
 young Christian is very desirous of a high station, and wants 
 to be mounting : but take heed that in climbing, Satan does 
 not give you a lift. He is perhaps as desirous of your reach- 
 ing the pinnacle as you are yourself, in order that he may cast 
 you down. Let it be your request to be kept on humble ground. 
 The head is never more apt to turn giddy than when we are 
 raised upon a pinnacle. 
 
 Ver. 6, 7, Cast thyself down. &c. Had Satan been able 
 to cast down our blessed Saviour, He had then only been a 
 sufferer, for we are expressly told "the Prince of this world 
 Cometh, and hath nothing in me." If Satan can prevail on 
 the believer to coincide with the temptation, he succeeds in his 
 malice; but if we resist, we are safe; for resisted temptations 
 are rather a////ciia/2s than sins: these will not separate from 
 communion with Christ; for he sympathizes with the tempted. 
 
 He shall give his angels charge concerning thee : and in 
 their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash 
 thy foot against a stone. Satan will often put the greatest 
 truths into the mouths of his emissaries to pervert truth. He 
 would have Scripture quoted partially : he here quotes a pas- 
 sage from the 91st Psalm, but perverts the sense. " Cast thy- 
 self down," at any rate, " for he shall give his angels charge 
 concerning thee." Take great heed when Scriptures are 
 quoted by the mouth of bad men. It is no better than the worst 
 
ON TEMPTATION. 399 
 
 blasphemy ; yet do not esteem the Scripture the less on that ac- 
 count : the antidote to this poison is, " the sword of the Spirit," 
 Christ says " It is written again." 
 
 Ver. 8. Again the devil taketh him up into an exceeding 
 high mountain, difc. Mark here the succession of Satan's at- 
 tacks. The wilderness had not succeeded, nor the pinnacle of 
 the temple ; — but this mountain produced the most enchanting 
 prospects; — there was also a craft added, to show the king- 
 doms of the world and the glory of them. Satan in his temp- 
 tations points at objects in the fairest way ; spreads every thing 
 likely to dazzle, and conceals every thing likely to counter- 
 act; — shows \.\\Q flower ; but where are the thorns? the pun- 
 ishments ? where are the shades of the picture ? It is by hiding 
 the aching heart that he succeeds. It is his art to present 
 temptation through the eye — the ear — by the medium of the 
 senses. Satan presents a hurried, rapid view; worldly things 
 will not bear inspection. In a moment we are hurried along. 
 Learn to esteem all earthly things at a low rate. 
 
 Ver. 9. Observe the proffer of the enemy, All these things 
 will I give thee ; mark the horrid assumption of the devil, of 
 a power over the kingdoms of the world, which he did not pos- 
 sess. Man's pride is not to be compared to Satan's. Satan's 
 devices may be known by the nature of his promises. God's 
 design is to fit us for the other world ; Satan offers this. Learn 
 hence, that the glory and power of the world seemed to be 
 given to Satan, in order to teach us how low an estimate we 
 should make of them. Luther said, "the whole empire was 
 but as a crust to throw to a dog." If God allows his enemy 
 to go up and down in the world, how deep should be our sus- 
 picion of the world. Mark also the _/orce of the temptation, 
 implied in the idea, — you are left abandoned. Satan's pro- 
 mises are ?A\ future. He says to the worldling, the merchant, 
 the scholar, " I ivill give thee." He is for enlisting man in 
 his own service, and for making him an idolater, — thus trans- 
 ferring the heart from God to himself. Again, Satan's pro- 
 mises are more than he can perform. Did he ever give what 
 he promised? He never can perform what he promises: — he 
 flatters that he may destroy : — offers the bait, but hides the 
 hook. But supposing he could and ivould perform all, — how 
 little is that all. I must hasten to judgment: If I climb the 
 mountain, I must descend every step down again, less pre- 
 pared for judgment: — then, what is all? What does it do? 
 it excludes my sight of the cross. If 1 yield to one temptation, 
 my feelings are gone; — my si)i ritual view cannot be reco- 
 
396 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 vered ; — the salt has lost its savour. If a man feels the pres- 
 sure of the world when struggling against the stream, how 
 shall the temptation be resisted if his mind be wholly occupied 
 with it? 
 
 Ver. 10. If thou wilt fall down and worship me. Satan 
 will use his utmost skill to beguile and allure; but if he cannot 
 do this, he will sometimes seem to stride across the path, and 
 dispute the road with us ; — He will inject blasphemous thoughts. 
 But in order to resist him successfully, we must take every 
 step looking for grace and help; and renouncing all self-de- 
 pendence, say only, Get thee hence, Satan, for it is written, 
 thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shah thou 
 serve; ver. 10. Our Lord here introduces the lawful sove- 
 reign: lie does not argue as a philosopher, but says, " It is 
 written, thou shalt worship the Lord thy God ; " not a traitor. 
 The service of God lies in the relation we stand in to God. 
 See Deut. vi. 13, and x. 20, also Joshua xxiv. 14. The facts 
 of Scripture are not for speculation, but instruction. 
 
 Let the young Christian prepare for temptation ; for it will 
 assuredly come. Watch, therefore, and pray. Do not, with 
 our first parents, parley with temptation : safety lies in flight. 
 In faithfully resisting, you have a right to ten thousand pro- 
 mises. Saian's grand device is to divorce us from God, and 
 to keep up the separation. An occasion, exactly fitted, is 
 more than half a temptation. It is Satan's cunning to draw a 
 man within the reach of an occasion. Gilpin says, " Satan 
 succeeds more in his evil designs through subtlety than/brce." 
 The latter stirs up an opposition ; it alarms to caution ; — so 
 that where force should gain its thousands, subtlety will gain 
 its tens of thousands. 
 
 Satan enquires into a man's state — whether regenerate, or 
 not: into his constitution, disposition, place, calling, age, &c., 
 and his next care is to provide suitable temptations. He re- 
 tains still the character of a serpent, — and will use his utmost 
 skill. 
 
 There are not only common times of danger, but there are 
 also critical times, — such as was Peter's. Satan's point, at 
 all times, is to make a Christian quit his ground, and his place; 
 and when he has done this, one thing more remains to com- 
 plete his plan, namely, to get the man to be self-confident and 
 headstrong. 
 
 Beware of running into danger: you are only safe in right 
 ways. Christ was led up of the Spirit into the wilderness: 
 He had a special call. We must take heed not to go on Sa- 
 
ON TEMPTATION. 397 
 
 tan's ground ourselves : but if we are suffered to be brought 
 into temptation, let iis say with Jacob " I am in the way thou 
 biddest me go." However crafty and violent the tempter, he 
 can do no more than make the assault : — but he cannot carry 
 his point without our consent; he is held by a chain. Temp- 
 tation puts nothing into the mind, but only draws out the evils 
 that are latent in our hearts. 
 
 Take care of whatever would endanger you ; such as bad 
 company, where the enemy lies in ambush : fear, which says, 
 *' There is a lion in the way: " unbelief, which cries, "you 
 will not hold out : " sloth, which complains, " there is too 
 much required." All these are Satan's emissaries. 
 
 Our safest way is to stand prepared for the attacks of the 
 enemy : we should know he is coming on ; and we should 
 consider how it has been with such men as David, Peter, and 
 others, when Satan has come in like a flood. We cannot be 
 too cautious: past experience will tell us what weak creatures 
 we are : a secure state is itself a temptation : one of the en- 
 deavours of an able general in time of war is to make the ene- 
 my believe he is doing nothing. 
 
 Lastly, if we have not a high place, let us seek a hiding- 
 place. Satan has furnished us with a valuable piece of instruc- 
 tion in the affairs of Job, chap. i. — that he could not touch 
 him without God's permission. " Hast thou not made a hedge 
 about him ? " Dreadful as the enemy is, he can go no farther 
 than he is permitted ; therefore let us not be driven t>om our 
 post because of danger. Christ liveth, and therefore we shall 
 live also. He is the most safe who can take every thing to 
 Christ, and say, " Lord, consider my danger, thou knowest 
 where my faith will fail." The greatest advancement in the 
 divine life is that perfect confidence in God, described in the 
 Canticles, " I sat down under his shadow with great delight." 
 
 34 
 
398 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 ON A CAVILLING SPIRIT. 
 
 Then came his disciples and said imto him, know est thou 
 that the Pharisees were offended after they heard this 
 saying ? But he answered and said, every plant which 
 my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted iip^ 
 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind: and 
 if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.-^ 
 Matt. XV. 12—24. 
 
 False religion, in every age, is setting up some form in op- 
 position to the spirit of true religion. The truth bears hard 
 upon the carnal heart, and therefore some tradition, or some 
 false notion must be brought in to quiet the conscience, it 
 bears hard upon a man to support his aged parents, and there- 
 fore he will have recourse to the tradition that " Whosoever 
 shall say to his father or his mother, it is a gift, he shall be 
 free," see verses 5, 6. He will put a piece of gold into the 
 treasury, and that serves to quiet his conscience in the neglect 
 of the command. It bears hard to give up the heart to God, 
 and therefore some ybrm must be substituted. " This people 
 draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honourelh me 
 with their lips ; but their heart is far from me." It was a 
 great matter that the hands should be washed before they ate ; 
 but taking care of the aged parents could be set aside. This 
 is hypocrisy. " In vain do they worship me, teaching for doc- 
 trines the commandments of men." It had been accounted 
 something to have a mere form of religion, though it was 
 abomination in the sight of God ; and to be something in the 
 sight of men is so dear to the carnal heart, that it is no wonder 
 to find such offences. We should look into the spirit of ob- 
 jections : It is very common in this corrupt world — and that 
 even among professors — to set up one virtue to the pulling 
 down of another. Thus we see in Mark xiv. 4, 5, "There 
 were some that had indignation, and said. Why was this waste 
 of the ointment made? for it might have been sold for more 
 than three hundred pence and given to the poor." Here we 
 see charity set up to oppose the honouring of Christ. Sin doth 
 not often appear abroad without a veil : when malice crucified 
 Christ, you hear only of zeal for the law, and of loyalty to 
 Caesar. Do not suffer the devil to set up truth in order to 
 
ON A CAVILLING SPIRIT. 399 
 
 sink truth. " Divide and conquer," is an old device of his ; 
 for he knows tiiat if he can obtain any part or lot in the mat- 
 ter, he shall shortly obtain the whole. 
 
 The disciples said unto Christ, Knowest thou the Pharisees 
 were offended, <^c. But he ansivered and said, Every plant 
 which my Heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted 
 up. In this reply, our Lord expressed no surprise at the ob- 
 jection : he was quite prepared for it. As though he had said, 
 What would you expect of Pharisees ? Consider who they 
 are, and who I am ; consider the reception which my doctrine 
 must ever meet with while the heart is proud, and while a 
 party spirit prevails. Observe, that instead of immediately 
 attending to the particular expression or objection, our Lord 
 comes upon general ground, and applies his answer to every 
 sort of false character. Every plant which my Heavenly 
 Father hath not planted shall he rooted vp. There is a gene- 
 ral decree gone forth, that whatever man attempts in order to 
 mend, alter, or improve in religion contrary to the Scripture, 
 God will pull it down. Such a man may admire the plants 
 of his own planting, watch them carefully, look at them with 
 delight; but if they are plants which man has planted and not 
 God, He will pluck them up. 
 
 From this subject, let us le^xn, first. The awful consequences 
 of getting into a new, and a bye-path. Let them alone : (i. e.) 
 the case is morbid, is malignant ; they are blind leaders of the 
 blind. Note, there is nothing more awful than for God to say 
 of a man. Let him alone. 
 
 Secondly, we learn, that a popular leader, and an infallible 
 rule, are very distinct things. But by which must we stand 1 
 Beware of taking things upon credit, however popular the 
 teacher. Examine for yourself: search the Scriptures: re- 
 member there are blind leaders of the blind ; and if any choose 
 implicitly to follov/ such leaders, they shall both fall into the 
 ditch. 
 
 But it may be asked, Will God suffer ihc followers to perish 
 with a blind leader? The best way for a poor, blind, ignorant 
 creature like man, is, to dismiss all opinions upon what it is 
 proper for God to do, and to look into the word to know what 
 he says he will do. And he says, Both shall fall into the 
 ditch. 
 
 We are hereby instructed that we should not only weigh 
 the objections which men are bringing to the Gospel, but also 
 the spirit of the objectors. How should the carnal heart feel 
 any thing but disgust at the way of salvation? So far from 
 
400 FRAGIttENTS, ETC. 
 
 being surprised at this, we should be surprised if it were not so. 
 
 It is easy for a cavilling infidel to puzzle and tease a simple 
 icrnorant Christian with objections and questions : but wore 
 they to make the same attack upon men who have long studied, 
 and are well informed in theology, their objections would ex- 
 cite contempt, rather than present any difficulty. That which 
 is a mountain to the simple and unlearned, is only a mole-hill 
 to men of learning, wisdom, and experience. Infidel objec- 
 tions arise more from an indisposed heart than an inquiring 
 mind. " We will not have this man to reign over us," is the 
 true source of cavilling. Such persons are glad when they 
 can furnish themselves with objections. And it is an awful 
 truth, that those who will seek, shall find them. 
 
 I would admonish the more serious, not to think of deriving 
 advantage from being merely nominal professors. Our reli- 
 gion must be of that kind that will stand the " refiner's fire" 
 and the " fuller's soap." It will not do to bring the ac^sonly, 
 but the spirit. This is no speculative point ; especially if the 
 misled, as well as the mis-leader, must fall into the pit. Do 
 not say, that any thing will do, provided a man be but sincere. 
 No man is sincere who does not examine the truth impartially, 
 seriously, thoroughly. Will a man in business be put off with 
 any thing that will do ? Will he not sift things to the bottom ? 
 
 Lastly, there is great encouragement to such as are fearful 
 of being led wrong, and are sincerely desirous of being led 
 aright. When the disciples brought the matter to Jesus, he 
 instructed them how to think on the subject — verses 15 — 20. 
 
 Many volumes have been written upon casuistry, but the 
 best casuist is an uprij^ht heart: it is evil lusts and passions 
 which make men go to casuists. Religion makes an attack upon 
 the world, the flesh, and the devil ; and therefore as " men love 
 darkness better than light," they choose to cavil with truth as 
 an excuse for rejecting it. 
 
401 
 
 ON THE HOLY TRINITY 
 
 Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in 
 the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy 
 Ghost : teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I 
 have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, 
 even unto the end of the world. Amen. — Matt, xxviii. 
 19.20. 
 
 It is a question of the utmost importance, which every man 
 should ask himself, " What is the God whom I worship?" Are 
 we idolaters, or do we worship»fthe God of the Scriptures? In 
 order to know this, we must come to God with humility, to be 
 taught and instructed by him. And as a further help we shall 
 do well to observe the minds of holy men. 
 
 Our Lord had appointed his disciples to meet him, ver. 16, 
 " And when they saw him, they worshipped him ; but some 
 doubted." They were astonished at the sight of him who so 
 lately w^as crucified. And he said, All power is given unto 
 me in heaven and in earth, and by virtue of this power, Go 
 ye and teach all nations, go, by my authority, — go encour- 
 aged, — go with my blessing, Go, teach all nations ; or, go 
 and enlist them ; Go and disciple them; and as a sign of this, 
 Go, and baptize them in the name of the Father, and of the 
 Son, and of the Holy Ghost. 
 
 But into whose name are they to be baptized ? If they should 
 be questioned by the heathens around them, " Who is your 
 God!" What are they to say ? To settle this beyond all dis- 
 pute, they are commanded to baptize, " in the name of the 
 Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." It is not 
 said the names, but the name. Here is a distinction made be- 
 tween the Christian's God and other gods. It was the Father, 
 Son, and Spirit in unity whom they were to worship. It was 
 to he one name. Go, and baptize them into the profession, into 
 the worship of this God. Teaching them to observe all things 
 whatsoever 1 have commanded you : build them up in this faith ; 
 and take this for your encouragement, Lo, I am with you al- 
 way, (^'c. — remember this under all your discouragements, — 
 under all your cares and conflicts, — that / a7n with you. Not 
 with my bodily presence; but I will send you the Comforter; 
 I will send vou my Spirit and influence; I will set my seal to 
 *34 
 
402 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 your work ? I will bless your word ; — and " lam with you al- 
 way, even unto the end of the world." " Where two or three 
 are gathered together in my nanne there am 1 in the midst." I 
 am with you always ; every day, and every hour of the day, 
 to the end of the world. 
 
 It would be well for us who do not live in what is called an 
 idolatrous country, — who do not worship the work of men's 
 hands, and who are often shocked at the gross ignorance of 
 those that do, to ask, — is there no other sort of idolatry ? May 
 we not set up reason against Revelation 1 What is the differ- 
 ence between an idol set up by the hands of man, or by the 
 head of man ? If we do not worship the God in Trinty and 
 Unity, we may wonder at the folly of others, but we are far 
 worse idolaters than those who worship wood and stone. 
 
 If God had not instructed us in his worship, — if he had not 
 condescended to make a revelation of Himself, — we must have 
 remained in total ignorance and darkness : for what man can do 
 towards finding out God, is proved by the misconceptions and 
 mistakes he has fallen into. But after God has spoken to us, 
 what pride, arrogance, and presumption are there in that man 
 who would set up his own reason against such a revelation. 
 No man, however elevated, and however great may be his at- 
 tainments in religion, can think of God without a mixture of 
 much infirmity and ignorance. There are some who are given 
 to speculate and pry into the mysterious truths of Scripture ; 
 men who in divinity resemble quacks in physic ; that say, 
 " We have such confused ideas of a God in Trinity, that we 
 scarcely know how to address Him in our prayers;" and there- 
 fore in order to bring Him down to their comprehension, they 
 attempt to lower God. — Such are the Socinians, &c. 
 
 Should any person ask, does this passage seem conclusive 
 with respect to the doctrine of the Trinity? It appears that 
 when this Scripture is compared with those other Scriptures 
 which give the highest titles and attributes of Deity to each 
 of the three persons, it undoubtedly affords the fullest satis- 
 faction with respect to the God of the Scriptures, and the God 
 whom we worship; for if we were to admit that there is no 
 analogy in nature to this wonderful mystery, we cannot won- 
 der that in all nature there is nothing that can reach the God 
 of nature. We do not plead for human explications and illus- 
 trations which some good men have made use of in order to 
 give a faint idea of this stupendous mystery : we plead for 
 nothing but the faith once delivered to the saints. Go, and 
 teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, 
 
ox THE HOLY TRINITY. 403 
 
 and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. To receive this 
 truth, we must come with a mind prepared, and with a teacha- 
 ble spirit ; we must come as little children, to be instructed and 
 taught of God. 
 
 Suppose upon the going forth of the disciples, a newly con- 
 verted and baptized heathen should be questioned, why he de- 
 sorted from his former gods. No doubt he would reply, "Be- 
 cause I see a superior splendour and excellence in Christianity; 
 I see a Saviour suited to my wants ; and moreover, 1 see the 
 gods of the heathens to be no gods.'''' Suppose again it should 
 be asked him, " Who is this God 1" Must he not have an- 
 svi^ered, — " The apostle who preached the Gospel to me, com- 
 manded water to be brought, a-nd after washing me according 
 to the institution, he said. Dost thou renounce the devil and all 
 his works, &c.; dost thou believe in the Father, Son, and Holy 
 Ghost? I then baptize thee into this name, into this profes- 
 sion, into this faith." If a heathen would answer in this man- 
 ner, (as no doubt he would,) Can we as Christians, give a bet- 
 ter answer? We were baptized into the name of the Father, 
 and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. 
 
 It is no wonder that the Socinian, and others who object to 
 the doctrine of the Trinity, should object also to apostolical 
 authority; and should say, " Tell me not what Peter or John 
 say, but tell me what Clirht says." But such a one should 
 be asked, — By what authority and by whose direction do these 
 men speak and act ? and what power had Christ thus to author- 
 ize them ? Will any man dare to say he had not such a power ? 
 It appears that he had; "All power is given unto me in heaven 
 and in earth, go ye therefore and teach all nations." And our 
 Saviour declares in Luke x. 16. " He that heareth you heareth 
 me ; and he that despiseth you despiseth me." Nay, he adds 
 in Matt. xvi. 19, the strongest expression, " Whatsoever ye 
 shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven." Will any man 
 affect, after this to set aside apostolical authority? 
 
 They who slight apostolical authority, are generally the 
 first to insist most vehemently upon their ow7i authority ; and 
 to speak with great positiveness upon what men ought, and 
 ought not to believe; and while we see scraccly any two of 
 them agreeing what the truth is, surely it is a reason why we 
 should turn our ears from them, and turn to the word of truth, 
 which declares, that through Ilitn, i. e. through Christ, one of 
 the Divine Persons in the Trinity, we should have access, by the 
 Spirit, another of the Divine Persons, to the Father. There- 
 fore while others trust their immortal souls upon a precarious 
 
404 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 opinion, let us build upon " the foundation of the apostles and 
 prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone." 
 
 We are strongly encouraged by the gracious promise of our 
 Lord to hold fast to this faith into which we have been bap- 
 tized. Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the 
 world. He was with Peter, when under his sermon three 
 thousand were converted at once ; who were taught to believe 
 that their hope, their dependence, their all, rested on " the 
 grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the 
 fellowship of the Holy Ghost." 
 
 Where the main leading truths of Christianity are given up, 
 and where a church has departed from the worship of the 
 Scriptural God, " Ichabod'" is written upon it ; there is no life^ 
 - — no spirituality, — the glory is departed. 
 
 The grace of the Lord Jesvs Christ, and the love of God, 
 and the communion of the Holy Ghost be with you all. 
 Amen. — 2 Cor. xiii. 14.^ 
 
 We may here see a picture of primitive, genuine Christian- 
 ity, — what it was in the Apostle's time : we see St. Paul hold- 
 ing up to view the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ as his best 
 po'rtion ; and directing the eyes of his primitive Church to the 
 same object. Shall we seek after fresh objects? Shall we seek 
 after something new? the very name ofnew should alarm our 
 suspicions. 
 
 The Apostle seems here to take for granted that the Corin- 
 thians would not dispute about the object of their worship, but 
 addresses them as believers, baptized into the name of the Fa- 
 ther, Son, and Spirit ; and then introduces his prayer for them, 
 including an apostolic blessing. 
 
 We are called to regard the Trinity in unity, — the God whom 
 the Scriptures declare: we are therein taught, that there are 
 three distinct persons in the eternal Godhead ; and that our 
 mere assent to this doctrine is not enough : we must have the 
 love of the Father, the fellowship of the Holy Ghost, and the 
 p-race of the Son, or we shall derive little or no advantage from 
 our belief oi'ihe doctrine. 
 
 » Preached in the year 1792, 
 
ON THE HOLY TRINITY. 405 
 
 Men may wrangle about the doctrines of the Trinity — they 
 may make the pulpit and the press teem with their productions; 
 but blessed is the man who sees a God in Trinity, and who 
 has fellowship and communion with the Father, Son, and Spirit. 
 
 Let us remember that speculative orthodoxy will avail us 
 little. Trinitarians and Socinians, when they have settled the 
 point, agree to live without paying any regard to what they 
 have settled. If there is nothing more than a mere opinion, it 
 signifies little whether it be right or wrong. A man who is 
 careless and worldly, says, " I am a Socinian, I am a pJdloso- 
 pher :^^ If you are living without God, and disregarding the 
 grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, you are nothing. 
 
 But are there not also many who maintain the old faith re- 
 specting the Triune God, and who yet live in the same way? 
 They stand up for three persons in the Godhead, — profess to 
 have no hope but in the grace of Jesus Christ, — and yet are 
 they not utterly unconcerned about their souls'? about having 
 the love of God in their hearts ? Do they know any thing of 
 vital, spiritual religion ? 
 
 Be not satisfied with a merely speculative faith : these truths 
 are revealed for our benefit. If you would be the better for 
 the doctrine of the ever-blessed Trinity, — consider your deep 
 depravity, — and, like the Prodigal Son, make haste to your 
 heavenly Father, and say, " I have sinned." 
 
 Some people seem to understand that they must return to 
 God, and that, by the way He has appointed ; but they stop 
 short of the infiiience by which they must return. It is neces- 
 sary that we do honour to the Three persons of the Sacred 
 Trinity : we come to the Father through Christ, by the assis- 
 tance of the Holy Ghost. Thus are believers built up in their 
 " most holy faith." 
 
 There are some persons blind enough to plead for the inno- 
 cence of error. " What does it signify," say they, " what 
 doctrines, or what sentiments, we maintain, so long as we are 
 sincere therein ! But take notice, He who rejects the God of 
 the Scriptures has no resource : he has trampled on the truth ; 
 and God has laid no other foundation for the sole of his foot. 
 What is idolatry? not merely an image, but the setting up of 
 a false God. You will never see the evil of sin, till you be- 
 hold God the Son veiling himself in sinful flesh, and dying to 
 •make reconciliation for sinners; nor will you see the vast ex- 
 pense of redemption, till you see God as He has revealed him- 
 self in his word. While some men are taking away the hope 
 and glory of the Gospel, and others are esteeming it lightly, 
 
406 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 they do not consider that they pull down with one hand, and 
 build up nothing with the other. If we have no God to go to 
 in trouble, we have not the resource David had, for he could 
 say, " Though I walk through the valley and shadow of 
 death, I will fear no evil, ybr tliou art imlJi me." It is a cor- 
 rupt nature that you have brought into the world, and nothing 
 can heal you but the blood of Jesus ; nothing can comfort you 
 but the communion of the Spirit. But remember, that while 
 God gives you this foundation to build upon, you have only a 
 short time allowed for building. He tells us that " the founda- 
 tion of God standeth sure," and that it shall support every poor 
 trembling sinner; and it has moreover this seal, " The Lord 
 knowelh them that are his ;" and he chargeth every one that 
 nameth the name of Christ to depart from iniquity." If you 
 hold these truths praciically, and experimentally, it is given 
 every minister to declare by the authority of God, that " he 
 that believeth shall be saved," and shall lack nothing : " One 
 thing is needful ;" and whoever like Mary, chooses " the bet- 
 ter part," it shall never be taken away from them. It is as 
 if God had said, — Here is a large estate ; to whom shall I give 
 it? to one of my enemies. Who shall have this vast Empire? 
 some tyrant that sets up himself against me and my Kingdom. 
 What! shall these gifts be bestowed on an enemy? Yes, be- 
 cause they are little momentary things ; I have different gifts 
 for viy children : " these are crusts which may be thrown to 
 dogs."^ But for the poorest, the most dependent of uiy chil- 
 dren, there is nothing less than The grace of the Lord Jesus 
 Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy 
 Ghost. 
 
 We may learn from the text, to exercise a mutual benevo- 
 lence, and a mutual prayer. St. Paul cannot leave his brethren 
 without uttering his heart's desire for them. There is in the 
 Christianity of some men, a hardness and a coldness, though 
 3i clearness ; they resemble the moon which, though bright 
 and beautiful, will freeze and starve the person who stands to 
 admire it. There may be a body of truth, but without blood 
 and spirits : nothing in it that is refreshing, comforting, or ani- 
 mating. But neither the soul nor the church can flourish with- 
 out warm benevolence and affection. Mere knowledge is not 
 enough ; there must be an impression, there must be a tender- 
 ness of spirit. Every man knows that he ought to pay his 
 debts — to be a good master — a good father — a good husband : 
 
 1 Martin Luther. 
 
ON THE HOLY TRINITY. 407 
 
 but before he can do all this, he must be influenced by the true 
 spring and motive: he must have the love and spirit of Christ 
 to enable him to act according to his conscience : for till then, 
 duty W\\\ be a burden. 
 
 Let us endeavour to imitate the Apostle, and exercise the 
 grace of affection and benevolence to all with whom we have 
 to do ; and let us beg for them, and for ourselves, a more 
 abundant share of The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and 
 the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost. 
 
 Let us also be jealous over the dangers of the day : Satan 
 is always making attacks upon the church of one kind or ano- 
 ther : sometimes upon the doctrines, sometimes upon the pre- 
 cepts, sometimes upon the spirit of the Gospel : therefore we 
 need to be on our watch. A wise general not only observes 
 his own army, but he watches the designs of the enemy. We 
 should not only attend to what is doing in our own hearts, but 
 also to what is doing around us, in the church and in the 
 world. The Christian that would watch effectually, must 
 watch on every side. There have always been a sort o^ ad- 
 venturers in religion, who have frequently made a great noise 
 in the world, and have boasted about improvements, and new 
 discoveries : but religion is not like arts and sciences, which 
 may be improved. See Heb. xi. and compare Christians of 
 the present day with those of old; and see if we surpass them. 
 Kather let them be our examples ; let us mark how they 
 walked, and talked; what they did in trouble ; and let us en- 
 deavour to resemble them, instead of listening to new discove- 
 ries. The true way is as old as the Bible, and has one conse- 
 crated door. See John x. To talk of a new religion after the 
 Bible has been written so many hundred years is a monstrous 
 imposition : but to be reminded of old truths is of great im- 
 portance. 
 
 Take care of spiritual wickedness: that is, of wickedness 
 assuming, and hiding itself under, spiritual forms. Satan never 
 does more mischief than when he appears as *' an angel of 
 light." St. Jude speaks of some that " crept in unawares : " 
 no doubt they wore a holy garb, — a cloak to cover their evil 
 designs. 
 
408 FRAGMEXSTS, ETC. 
 
 DANGER OF DECLENSION IN RELIGIOxN, 
 
 And he wist not that the Lord ivas departed from Idm.— 
 Judges xvi. 20. 
 
 It is the duty of every Christian to examine the symptoms 
 of a declension from God, in order that we may try and prove 
 ourselves. Have we lost our love to spiritual things, or, do 
 we want to mix them with carnal things? Do we endeavour 
 to find many excuses and palliations for what God has frowned 
 upon in his wordi Do we allow ourselves to lie down in the 
 lap of indulgence, and are we indisposed to be roused when 
 there? Are we apt to be careless, negligent, and off our 
 watch tower? Can we rest upon past experiences ? upon what 
 we have been, instead of what we now a7'e? Can we be quiet 
 and easy in this state, without praying and entreating for a re- 
 vival? These are dreadful symptoms that we are at an awful 
 distance from God, and that we have only the shell of Chris- 
 tianity, but not the reality. God not being present, implies 
 not only the presence of an enemy, but the prevalence of an 
 enemy also. If God is not with us, the devil is ; and he will 
 prevail to our hurt. " Woe also to them when I depart from 
 them." Hosea ix. 12. 
 
 Whatever part of God's character we consider, we must 
 never Ibrget he is a holy God. He seems to say, Observe, 
 Samson does not go on in sin, and /stay with him. I am a 
 jealous God, and will not bear testimony to sin in any of my 
 children. (See the case of the disobedient prophet.) To be- 
 long to God is a high, but a very serious thing. 
 
 We should be much in the contemplation of the deceitful- 
 ness of sin; how it beguiles, how it creeps in, and how it 
 transforms a mhn. It comes like Jael's present; "she gave 
 him milk, she brought forth butter in a lordly dish :" but she 
 concealed the hammer and the nail. Samson thought to pros- 
 per as he had done before, but the Lord was departed : his 
 strength was gone, and he must now "grind in the prison 
 house." He that will meddle with sin, and go into the way of 
 temptation, w\\\fall by it. 
 
 There is in sin not only an infinite damage done, but an in- 
 fatuation also that surpasses all description. When the heart 
 declines from God, and loses communion with Christ, such a 
 
DANGER OF DECLENSION IN RELIGION. 409 
 
 nian resembles one in a consumption, who is at death's door, 
 and yet talks of a speedy recovery. So it is also, both in the 
 case of ministers and people, whom Satan hath desired to have, 
 that ho may sift them as wheat: like Ephraim, there has per- 
 haps been a death upon their spirit, which has been marked 
 and felt by all around them ; yet when their most affectionate 
 friends have attempted to expostulate with them, they have 
 proved not only insensible, but obstinate and stout-hearted. 
 We have a striking picture of this in the famous champion of 
 Israel; " 1 will go out as at other times before, and shake my- 
 self:" but he wist not that the Lord teas departed from him. 
 Strangers had " devoured his strength," but he knew it not. 
 He that lays his head in the lap of temptation, will very rarely 
 take it up as he laid it down. 
 
 All earthly enjoyments have a tendency to darken the mind ; 
 and such is the power and energy of sin, that if but the least 
 thought of it is cherished in the heart, it will spread ruin and 
 devastation on every hand. It is like a spark of fire, which if 
 it falls upon combustible materials, will burn down a whole 
 town. See Samson though so great a man, yet involving him- 
 self, through a vile propensity, in the most ruinous conse- 
 quences : and, at the same time, insensible and unconscious of 
 the deep infatuation. ''He wist not that the Lord was de- 
 parted from him." To destroy the soul's union with God, is 
 what the world, the flesh, and the devil aim at. 
 
 Let us, from this subject, take a view of man — how weak 
 he is. U God departs from him, he is crushed as a moth : 
 nothing is too insignificant to chastise and alarm him : and this 
 is not all, but whenever any Christian is suffered to depart from 
 God, he makes sport for the' wicked wherever he goes. 
 
 In the darkest and most afflictive dispensations of God's 
 children, we may read grace and mercy. While Samson was 
 bound with fetters of brass, and made to grind in the prison 
 house, "the hair of his head began to grow again;" which 
 was a sign of his returning strength. There is mercy when 
 God sends stroke after stroke upon the man who has departed 
 from him ; when he makes the heart to bleed, and the eyes to 
 run down with tears, in order to bring a wanderer back again. 
 " Before I was aOlicted," says David, " I went astray, but now 
 I keep thy word." 
 
 Many a man has kicked against his dispensation, and said, 
 " I will be comfortable, I will go and sliakc myself as at 
 other times;" but he will never find comfort or healing, or re- 
 cover his strength, till he seeks it by the blood of Jesus. " In 
 35 
 
410 • FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 that day thou shalt say, O Lord, I will praise thee : though 
 thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and 
 thou comfortest me ;" thou shalt have ground to say, and dis- 
 position to say, " / will praise thee.'''' 
 
 If we would wage war successfully with hell, it must be un- 
 der this impression, namely, that God is ^friend. Nothing 
 repels sin like it : when the heart feels the loving-kindness of 
 God in the gospel, and experiences a nearness of approach to 
 him, when it feels a forgiveness and sv/eetness in Christ, there 
 is not only a seven-fold shield against sin and Satan, but 
 heaven is begun in the heart. What is sensibility of con- 
 science, but the first mark of God's good will towards us? See 
 Hosea xiv. 1, 2. "O Israel, return unto the Lord thy God; 
 for thou hast fallen by thine iniquity. Take with you words," 
 &c. The best sign we can have that God is renewing our 
 spiritual strength, is, the gift of a broken heart. We must re- 
 turn to the Lord by faith, hope, prayer, repentance, and obedi- 
 ence ; and he will'undertake for all consequences. 
 
 When God chooses to imprison a man, any place will serve 
 for a dungeon ; it signifies little whether it be a palace or a pit. 
 He can make a single idea passing through the mind a fetter, 
 to lock up the soul in prison. " He shutteth up a man, and 
 there can be no opening." On the other hand, let every be- 
 liever remember, that there is no state that sin and Satan can 
 throw a man into, but God can bring him out: there is no 
 place, nor state, but admits of prayer— hell only excepted. 
 Therefore David prays, " Bring my soul out of prison, that I 
 may praise thy name." We must plead with God : it is a 
 good symptom when we desire enlargement. Imprisonment 
 is often for correction, humbling, improvement. Satan at such 
 a time is a preacher of despair : but the gospel holds out hope. 
 We must wait God's time for deliverance, but we must wait in 
 prayer : the promises teach us how to pray : there are pro- 
 mises that speak to our case, as much as if they were written 
 for us alone : Christ is a faithful High Priest, who can have 
 compassion. Heb. ii. 2. 
 
 Nothing can separate us from God but sin ; and an alarm 
 sounding in the conscience, and calling us to return to him, is 
 the first step to Peace. 
 
411 
 EPHRAIM REJECTING FALSE CONFIDENCES. 
 
 Ephraim shall say^ What have I to do any more with idols? 
 1 have heard him^ and observed him: I am like a green 
 fir-tree^ From me is thy fruit found. — Hosca xiv. 8. 
 
 We often read the Old Testament, as if it did not relate to 
 us : but an experience of God's work in the heart will correct 
 this error. God's word has been to us the same from the be- 
 ginning. And what he speaks to his people Israel, he speaks 
 to us. 
 
 God's glory must ever be his first object : it alone is worthy 
 to be the first. But next to this, the Lord hath sent his Spirit 
 and his word, which he hath raised up ministers to preach, to 
 show unto man what is good, and to recover him from his 
 fallen state ; and if he will turn to some idol, to some inferior 
 object, he puts God away from him, and forsakes his own 
 mercies. 
 
 True religion is a transaction between God and the soul : 
 it has much more in it that is seen. In the formalist, all that 
 there is, may be " seen of men : " but the Christian is a hidden 
 character. 
 
 The language of a truly penitent and believing sinner, is 
 What have 1 any more to do with idols 1 An idol has had 
 my heart, and has robbed God of his honour and service ; I 
 have tried to retain it ; I have fondly hoped that God and my 
 idol might live together ; I cried, " Spare it ; is it not a little 
 one?" But I perceive I am fallen by mine iniquity; I am 
 separated from God, and am become like a tree without sap ; 
 and therefore what must I do ? I must discard Asshur; I 
 must not put God off any longer; I must bring him my heart ; 
 He is " a Father of the fatherless; " he will receive me. Hosea 
 xiv. 4. True penitence consists not only in sorrow for what 
 is past; because of its consequences, but it is another sort of 
 mind. See Jer. xxxi. 18. "Turn thou me and so shall I be 
 turned." 1 desire it ; I see the necessity of it : " Surely after 
 that I was turned, I repented ; and after that I was instructed, 
 I smote upon my thigh; I was ashamed, yea, even confounded, 
 because I did bear the reproach of my youth," 
 
 The language of God to such a penitent is, / have heard 
 him, and observed him : he has cried to me in secret ; he has 
 
412 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 said to me, what no one has heard but myself; and I will 
 have mercy on him. I have observed him; he has brought 
 all his burdens and his sins, the blackest and the heaviest, all 
 to me : he has not complained under this and that trouble, but 
 he smites upon his breast, and acknowledges that all is less 
 than he deserves. At first indeed, he was " like a bullock un- 
 accustomed to the yoke ; " he kicked and made resistance : 
 but now he is humble and patient : " I do earnestly remember 
 him still." I have heard him recount his follies, and his past 
 ingratitude : I have heard him pour out prayers and tears in 
 secret ; and I have observed him to go like the sparrow upon 
 the housetop, solitary and apart, that he might converse with 
 me : he now no longer laughs at sin, or trifles with temptation ; 
 but is in earnest to obtain grace, that he may overcome it : 
 therefore / have observed him, to afford him that relief he 
 stands in need of; to refresh him in his weary hours, and to 
 heal those bones that are broken ; and he shall not only have 
 my ear, and my eye, but my sufficiency : he has left his idols, 
 and he shall find me to be the green fir-tree. 
 
 The fir-tree, especially in the eastern countries, while it is 
 prodigiously high and lofty, is remarkable for its bough sstoop- 
 ing. This is one of the many figures used in Scripture to set 
 forth the character of God. / am like the green fir-free ; 
 though infinitely high and exalted in my nature, my boughs 
 shall stoop down to the poor broken-hearted sinner, if he be 
 ever so low ; and he shall find, that if he has refuge and shade 
 no where else, he may come and sit under ray shadow with 
 great delight. Ephraim has no reason to despair, or to be cast 
 down ; for if he is sincere in renouncing his idols, here is shade 
 and shelter afier all his follies : here is One that will stoop 
 down to take him up from the very earth ; and here is some- 
 thing further— /rom me is thy fruit found. 
 
 Our Lord is not only like the fir-tree in its being lofty, and 
 in hs being always green, but there is this excellence in addi- 
 tion, — there is fruit ; the fruit of his death and resurrection, 
 the fruit of his Spirit. It is from union wUh Him that the be- 
 liever brings forth fruit: "I am the vine, and ye are the 
 branches." John xv. 
 
 A believing penitent heart feels the truth of these things; 
 and like the Prodigal, returns back to his Father's house, say- 
 ing every step of the way, — Fool that 1 was ever to turn my 
 back upon my home, and to seek after the husks that the 
 swine do eat, when " in my Father's house there is bread 
 enough and to spare 1 " Let'^every one ask his heart what it 
 
EPHRAIM REJECTING FALSE CONFIDENCES. 413 
 
 says to these things : not when it is under a particular temp- 
 tation ; for then the enquiry cannot be made fairly : but when 
 the storm is over, let each one ask, What have I to do any 
 more icith idols / 
 
 When true religion comes with light and power, it shows a 
 man that whatever is the form of his idol, it is mischievous 
 and destructive. It eats as doth a canker ; and if it is pursued, 
 it will bring about certain death. True religion teaches that 
 the first step towards real security, is to put away false confi- 
 dences and false gods. 
 
 Ephraim generally smarts before he learns to say with pro- 
 per indignation. What have I any more to do with idols ? 
 they have first been made thorns in his side : See Hosea ii. 6. 
 *' 1 will hedo-e up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that 
 she shall not find her paths," and verse 14. " I will allure 
 her, and bring her into the wilderness." The Lord makes use 
 of natural images to convey spiritual ideas: We all know what 
 a wilderness is — a dry and barren place : it is famishing ; per- 
 sons in this state are apt to try broken cisterns : it is pathless 
 and thorny ; entangled and perplexed j it is terrifying ; the 
 backslider is exposed to terrors of law and conscience ; it is 
 dangerous, — *' and the thief cometh in, and the troop of rob- 
 bers spoileth without." It is infested with venomous animals, 
 — the serpent ready to drop on his neck, the tiger to spring be- 
 fore he is aware. Perhaps he is brought into the solitary sick 
 chamber, as Manasseh, David, and others : as though God 
 should say, — I will bring a thoughtless headstrong child into 
 a state of bad health, or mortifying disappointments ; there 
 shall'be no refreshing streams: and all this is intended to 
 humble, to instruct, to recall, — to produce brokenness of heart, 
 and poverty of spirit. It is a great mercy if in a horrid desert 
 the heavens may be seen, — sun, moon, and stars. To the be- 
 liever there is, in the worst of times, a prospect upward. " I 
 will speak comfortably to her ; " there shall be a clear shining 
 after rain. 
 
 That is the most severe dispensation of wrath, when God says 
 of any one, " Ephraim is joined to idols : let him alone." I 
 will call no more; I will no more correct: give him all that 
 his corrupt heart desires; let his corn and wine increase, even 
 to the full : let him be admired, caressed, idolized ; let him be 
 as an ox fatted for the slaughter ; he has departed from me^ 
 and I will depart from him. " VVHiy should he be stricken 
 any more? he will revolt more and more." This is the voice 
 of judgment : and the sword of judgment, is when it shall be 
 35* 
 
414 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 said, " Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee." 
 But the voice of mercy is. Tell Ephraim the symptoms of his 
 decay — put him in mind of his danger — and say unto him, 
 " Return unto the Lord thy God." What is all this but a 
 Father's voice, saying, " Why will ye die?" 
 
 There is no real cure for the wounded conscience but un- 
 feigned repentance and humiliation. There is a sort of spirit- 
 ual quackery that wdll propose an easier way ; that will allow 
 you to sin and repent, and repent and sin perpetually : but 
 but it will end in ruin. (See Rom. vi. 1.) The heart of a 
 perverse and rebellious child must be broken. But God says. 
 Do not faint under rebuke; for " whom the Lord loveth he 
 chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." If 
 Christ, by his ministers, is showing to any poor idolater the 
 righteousness and truth of God, herein is an offer of grace 
 made to him, which if he fully accepts, and enters into, his 
 flesh shall come again as the flesh of a little child. Job xxxii. 25. 
 Let us expect no light to arise in darkness but what comes 
 from the rays of the Sun of Righteousness. The promises of 
 light are all in Christ. It is an easy thing to get tapers in a 
 dark night : Satan is ever ready to furnish them for us : but 
 our Lord says, " / am the true light." 
 
 As the revelation of Christ is the light of the world, so this 
 light of the world is the peculiar glory of every true believer. 
 <' In the Lord shall all the seed of Israel be justified, and shall 
 glory." Isaiah xlv. 25. 
 
 Whenever the pardon of sin is brought into the conscience 
 by the Holy Spirit, the love of Christ is brought also by the 
 same Spirit. A redeemed sinner never wishes to rise higher 
 than the feet of the Lord. 
 
 Let the Christian that has made use of God's remedy, and 
 is recovered, forget not the way he has travelled through the 
 wilderness that he has passed, and that others are passing 
 through. " Thou shalt remember," says God, " all the way 
 which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years, to humble 
 thee and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart." 
 See Deut. viii. 2. Next to the Bible, there is no book more in- 
 teresting than a man's own life. It is not so to others, but it is 
 to the man who knows the 'peculiarities, the colour, of every 
 different occurrence : vSuch an one will say in this case, and 
 in that, " This is the Lord's work, and it has made known His 
 
415 
 
 CHRIST'S INTERCESSION, THE BELIEVER'S SE- 
 CURITY. 
 
 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, hehold, Satan hath de- 
 sired to have you that he may sift you as ivlieat : but I 
 have prayed for thee that tJiy faith fail not : and when 
 thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. — Luke xxii. 
 31, :32. 
 
 The question of a poor weak feeble worm should be, not, 
 what is the reputed opinion of this and the other wise man? — 
 not, what is the fashionable notion of the day? — not, what the 
 world saith respecting the " roaring lion?" — but, what saith 
 the Bible? And there we learn he is a real enemy, that 
 " goeth about seeking whom he may devour." 
 
 Temptation is " common to man." It follows him in every 
 situation, in the crowd and in solitude, in prosperity and in ad- 
 versity. Some trials are more immediately from God : thus it 
 is said. Gen. xxii. " God did tempt Abraham :" others are 
 more directly from Satan, as in Job's case, and Joshua's. 
 (Zech. iii. 1.) Some are from particular circumstances: and 
 some take their rise from our peculiar turn of mind and con- 
 stitution. When temptation is brought on by Satan, it is al- 
 ways with the design to terrify, ensnare, or embarrass. But 
 when it is in the hand of God, it is always a school to make 
 us learn our weakness, and where our true strength lies : or to 
 cure some self-confidence, or destroy some idol. The more 
 eminent the character, the more will Satan shoot his arrows 
 at him ; and the more will he try, especially if it be a standard- 
 bearer, to lay him asleep ; to poison his heart, and to pervert 
 his steps. A man cannot be too cautious ; past experience 
 will tell us what weak creatures we are. What was Peter's 
 security ? not his knowlege, not his illumination — though 
 real, — but the intercession of Christ: I have prayed for thee. 
 
 " Simon, Simon, Satan hath desired to have you.''^ He 
 hath desired it: but his will is not like mine, efficient: never- 
 theless, he is a powerful enemy, and he desires to have you ; 
 he sees where you are likely to be taken, where you are in 
 danger; and he desires to have you, that he may sift you as 
 wheat. He will shake and winnow you ; he will come upon 
 you in a hurry, unprepared ; and he would put you upon dan- 
 
416 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 gerous expedients: but I am a faithful High Priest, as well as 
 a watchful shepherd; I stand before God to intercede for you ; 
 I have seen his desire, and have prayed that you may be sup- 
 ported through the trial ; and that your faith may not finally 
 lail. 
 
 Christ not only prays for the church at large, but for indi- 
 viduals : " I have prayed for thee ;" I have prayed for thy 
 particular danger; I have regard to thee under thy particular 
 wants; T have made known ihy case to the Father. When 
 we think of our refuge, let us not generalize it, but see it to be 
 particular. He that numbers the hairs of our head, surely 
 regards the circumstances of our lives. 
 
 Jlnd ivhen thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren : 
 when you are recovered, let your experience enrich others : 
 be a counsellor to wanderers : tell them what an evil and bit- 
 ter thing it is to depart from the living God : tell such as are 
 headstrong like yourself, that Satan is no proper subject for a 
 song or a jest, but that he is an awful and a malignant enemy. 
 Tell them he is waiting for their careless moments, wailing to 
 catch them off their guard, that he may be their destruction. 
 You will meet with many weak and tempted souls that are 
 saying, like David, " I shall one day perish by the hand of 
 Saul;" many that are walking in perplexity and darkness, and 
 who are crying out because of their wretchedness ; strengthen 
 these weak brethren ; tell them that there is indeed a roaring 
 lion, but tell them also, that there is " the Lion of the tribe of 
 Judah," able to deliver: that all the children of God are thus 
 tried and tempted ; and that they have only to lay hold of the 
 arm of Him who is " mighty to save." Tell them, that " if 
 any man sin, there is an advocate with the Father:" tell them, 
 how 1 kept my eye on your particular case, and that their 
 safety rests on my intercession. I have prayed for thee. 
 
 One of the best evidences of recovery is, love lo the breth- 
 ren, and a desire to honour God. Our temptations and trials 
 are for other people as well as ourselves. See 2 Cor. i. 6. 
 Therefore David prays "Restore unto me the joy of thy salva- 
 tion, then will I teach transgressors thy ways." 
 
 There is not a more honourable post in the church of God, 
 among private Christians, than that of an old soldier, a man 
 who has long travelled the ways of religion, who can stand 
 up in the Christian army, and rally his fellow soldiers under a 
 panic, and say, " God forbid, whatever are our fears and suf- 
 ferings, that we should give up our hope, and our ibundation." 
 The best Christians are liable to be sifted, and it had been 
 
Christ's iistercession. 417 
 
 woful for David, Peter, and others, if after they had fallen, 
 God had not recovered them. Therefore, if Satan has thrown 
 us down, if we have been overtaken and arc sunk in the mire, 
 let us cry mightily to God for help. Nothing can possibly be 
 pleaded as an excuse for a man's continuing to lie upon the 
 ground, because he has been thrown down. It is one thing to 
 be thrown down, and another to lie upon the ground. What 
 deeps have not men been drawn cut of. See Jonah and Ma- 
 nasseh. 
 
 Privilege implies duty : there is an obligation laid upon the 
 man who^entcrs the family of heaven. The Lord says to such 
 a one,— I will take care of you, I will feed you, I w^ill be your 
 shepherd — but recollect, 1 do not take you into my family to 
 make you merely a spectacle to angels and to men, but that 
 you should be a blessing, as well as blessed : while I make 
 you a star, 1 will have you shine; and you will find it is your 
 privilege to do so. You cannot go against the stream of this 
 wicked world, without meeting with many dangers and temp- 
 tations ; but go forward; take my rule and my arm; and re- 
 member, that your business is to strengthen your brethren. 
 
 Peter's repentance was as sincere as his fall was aggravated. 
 When the cockcrow, he remembered the words of Jesus Christ, 
 and " went out and wept bitterly." The crowing of the cock 
 was an engine which Christ made use of to awaken the con- 
 science of Peter. The instruments God uses, must not be 
 measured by their own power or aptitude, but by the will of 
 the agent ; and they have all this inscription written upon 
 them, " Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith 
 the Lord." 
 
 Nothing so affects a gracious heart as a sense of the love of 
 Christ abused ; and that is what is meant by evangelical re- 
 pentance. A remembrance of Christ's words is the best ground 
 for a true repentance : where there is sensibility of conscience, 
 a gentle hint, or a passage of Scripture, will often produce 
 great effects. 
 
 Though Peter fell in the hour of temptation, and, notwith- 
 standing the warning given, denied his Master — and that at a 
 time when he should most have stood by him ; yet, to show 
 the wonderful mercy and condescension of our Saviour, signal 
 tokens were granted of his forgiveness, by him who knew that 
 he stood in need of comfort : '' the Lord hath risen indeed, and 
 hath appeared unto Simon," — poor, backsliding, unfaithful Si- 
 mon. Oh, take notice of this tenderness, all you who are 
 mourniufi- because of vour unfaithfulness, and who are afraid 
 
418 FRAG3IENTS, ETC. 
 
 to come to Christ because of your backsliding. Let the case 
 of Peter encourage you to approach your faithful and merciful 
 High Priest, who ever livei/i to make iniei' cession for us. 
 
 THE GOSPEL, AN OCCASION OF ANIMOSITY 
 
 Think not that I came to send peace on earth : I came not 
 to send peace but a sword. — Matt. x. 34. 
 
 Were these words to be read detached, without considering 
 our Lord's design in speaking them, we should be ready to 
 ask. Are these the words of" the Prince of Peace? " and yet, 
 thus spake Christ to his disciples. When we consider how the 
 doctrines of Jesus Christ, and the spirit of the gospel, expose 
 and condemn the idols of the world, we should not wonder 
 that they often become an occasion of animosity. 
 
 Christianity is a light shining in a dark world, and showing 
 the character of that world. It unmasks the hypocrite in the 
 form of a professor. See Matt, xxiii. It detects false disguises, 
 and shows every thing in its true colours: therefore no won- 
 der that false hearts should rise up in hatred against it. 
 
 St. Paul going forth boasting as a pharisee, would not have 
 given offence to the world ; but when he talks of glorying only 
 in the cross of Christ — when he says, " I am crucified to the 
 world, and the world to me;" i. e. as the world looks upon 
 me as a poor contemptible object, so 1 look upon the world, as 
 having no beauty, no excellence to attract my notice — when 
 he tells them, that except Christ be in them as the hope of 
 glory, their religion is vain, and will stand them in no stead : 
 to deal with the world in this way, what is it but to be esteemed 
 an enthusiast, a setter forth of strange doctrines? this will stir 
 up the enmity of men's hearts, and they will soon prove that 
 they hate the master, the servants, and the doctrines : for the 
 world, in its corrupt state, never was, and never will be a 
 friend to the cross of Christ. 
 
 " Blessed is he who shall not be offended in me." A clear 
 discovery of Christ's character will offend. But must this 
 needs be ? Hear what the prophet saith: "And he shall be 
 
THE GOSPEL, AN OCCASION OP ANIMOSITY. 419 
 
 for a sanctuary, but for a stone of stumbling, and for a rock 
 of offence to both the houses of Israel, for a gin, and for a 
 snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem." As if our Lord had 
 said — Notwithstanding I give sight to the blind, feet to the 
 lame, &c., I am come to appear before a proud, vain, ignorant 
 world, that will say, " lie hath no form or comeliness: " " Is 
 not this the carpenter's son ? " 
 
 Christianity, in a particular manner, and one in which it 
 differs from all religions that were ever set up by men, presents 
 the greatest privileges to the most unworthy. All religions in- 
 vented by men, call for something that is deserving in man : 
 but the gospel is preached to the aliens, to the outcasts of man- 
 kind. Its language is not — Ho i every one that is deserving, 
 that can find out some merit, — some gift in hand by way of 
 purchase, — but " Ho ! every one that thirsfeth, come ye to the 
 waters ; and he that hath no money," i. c. nothing to bring, 
 "Come ye, buy and eat: yea, come, buy wine and milk, with- 
 out money and without price." This therefore is a further oc- 
 casion of animosity to mankind. One of the first objections 
 which the Pharisees made to our Lord was, that he ate and 
 drank with publicans and sinners. See Luke v. 30. 
 
 Another reason why the gospel is an occasion of animosity, 
 is, that it' elevates and exalts the views and enjoyments of the 
 Christian above the world, and disposes him to put such an 
 honour and value upon Christ's kingdom, that he cannot help 
 slighting, and thinking meanly of every thing besides; and 
 this very going through " Vanity Fair," and not looking at 
 its wares, this standing forth in the midst of a crooked and 
 perverse generation as a light, as a man of another taste, will 
 raise an outcry. Nay, further, the Christian will declare, and, 
 if called upon, will demonstrate, that his master, and his king- 
 dom, are more to him than wife, or children, or even than lilc 
 itself. He will, like iMoses, count the reproach of Christ greater 
 riches than the treasures of Egypt ; and this will be an occa- 
 sion of animosity, as it stirs up the malice of Satan: for till a 
 man is in earnest about religion, the strong man armed kccpcth 
 his goods in peace. He will allow benevolence ; he will allow 
 a form of godliness, so long as it is held in the spirit of the 
 world. But when he finds a stronger than he coming to turn 
 him out, then he sets all his malice to work, how to revenge 
 himself. 
 
 Christianity does not necessarily tend to promote this ani- 
 mosity, but is the occasion of it. Satan takes occasion, and 
 •the pride of man takes occasion, to abuse and pervert it, and 
 
420 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 turn it into strife. But in itself \i tends to bring glory to God^ 
 and peace and good will to rnen. " I came," says our Lord, "to 
 preach good tidings, and to bind up the broken-hearted, to pro- 
 claim liberty to the captives, &c." There would be no such 
 thing as war, or cruelty, if the precepts of Christianity were 
 adopted. Did not Satan and a wicked world pervert, and turn 
 it into poison, what would not religion produce in families ! 
 See the Apostle's exhortation to the Ephesians : — " Husbands, 
 love your wives — children, obey your parents — fathers, pro- 
 voke not your children — servants, be obedient to your masters." 
 &;c. See again our Lord's command to his disciples, " Go 
 ye forth as sheep among wolves : " and again, " whosoever 
 shall smite thee on the one cheek, turn to him the other also." 
 *' Love your enemies," &c. So that Christianity is, in itself, 
 the doctrine of peace. 
 
 The world never loved Christ, neither will it ever love his 
 servants: therefore we must admit, that where religion really 
 is in the church, in the family, and in the heart, there will be 
 animosity. We must expect it, we must lay our account for 
 it : " If they hated me," says our Lord, " they will also hate 
 you ;" and our taking up this cross in a godly manner, is an 
 evidence of our being related to Christ. 
 
 If Christianity is the medicine for the soul — if Christ is the 
 true Physician — and if the heart of man is the same in every 
 age, let us examine ourselves, — what think we of Christ ? and 
 of his way of salvation ? What says our life 1 Christ by his 
 life condemned the world : does ours ? Do we say. Let all the 
 world despise me, so that my Saviour regards me? There is 
 such a thing as trying to manage and accommodate our reli- 
 gion, — as v/anting to lower the standard. 
 
 Let us take care that if the world hates us, it is in the same 
 way in which it hated Christ. Let no man be an unkind hus- 
 band, father, or master, and thereby procure trouble and hatred 
 to himself, and then fasten it upon the gospel, and say, — this is 
 because of my religion. There are many who profess evan- 
 gelical religion, who have brought opposition and trouble upon 
 themselves, and then said it was the sword of persecution : 
 whereas, had they acted with humility, good nature, patience, 
 and meekness, there would have been no such complaints. 
 " What glory is it if when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye 
 shall take it patiently ? But if when ye do well, and suffer for 
 it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even 
 hereunto were ye called, because Christ also suffered for us, 
 .leaving us an example that yc should follow his steps." And 
 
CHRIST PRESENT WITH HIS CHURCH. 421 
 
 a^ain, "If we suffer with liim, wc shall also reign with him." 
 " " Let us go forth unto him bearing his reproach :" but let 
 us take heed to lay the emphasis upon His : do not attempt to 
 vindicate sects: do not vindicate licentious professors: do not 
 take up /Aeir reproach. Let folly be folly, and error be error. 
 St. Paul gives us an example, Phil. iii. 18. " For many walk, 
 of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weep- 
 ing, that they are enemies to the cross of Christ." it is ne- 
 cessary to distinguish between the reproach of Christ, and that 
 which is frequently brought on his Gospel by some professors. 
 A man may take merit to himself, and say, " I am not ashamed 
 of the Gospel of Christ ;" but perhaps the Gospel may well 
 be ashamed of him. 
 
 Let no man, however, expect to escape contempt while turn- 
 ing his back upon the world to follow Christ through every ob- 
 stacle. It is granted, that if a man lives like the world, if ho 
 enters into its follies, they will not suppose he has left their coun- 
 try : if you are contented with the meveform of religion, the 
 world will have no quarrel with you : but if you are, by grace, 
 determined to " enter in at the strait gate," and to " take up 
 your cross," the Bible tells you what to expect: for, " if any 
 man will live godly in Christ Jesus, he shall suffer persecu- 
 tion." 
 
 CHRIST PRESENT WITH HIS CHURCH, A WAR- 
 RANTED GROUND OE CONSOLATION. 
 
 Now why dost thou cry aloud ? Is there no king; in thee ? 
 Is thy counsellor perished ? — Micah iv. 9. 
 
 There is perhaps no instance of a serious mind that lias not 
 been shocked at the presumption of fallen man, especially under 
 a dispensation of mercy like ours, that men should go on with 
 such thoughtlessness, wickedness, hardness, and inattention to 
 every thing that God has spoken to thcin. But wc arc not so 
 forcibly struck and convinced of another device of Satan, by 
 which he sinks the spirits, and tempts to despair, as if religion 
 were too hard, and nothing; could be done in it. Now if a man 
 ;3G 
 
422 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 is made to give up hope, and utterly to faint through despon- 
 dency, the grand design of hell is accomplished as effectually 
 as if he were presumptuous and careless. 
 
 The Scriptures not only point out to us the evil of sin, and 
 the certainty of that destruction which it will bring upon sin- 
 ners, but they also point out in the most striking manner, the 
 ruin brought on by unbelief and despair; they labour to show 
 that in all possible circumstances, in the very worst state — 
 there is hope : there is hope in Christ, if a man does not reject 
 the counsel of God against himself. The language of the 
 Scripture to every conscientious mind is, WJiy dost thou cry 
 aloud ? Is there ne king in thee ? Is thy counsellor per- 
 ished? 
 
 In the chapter before us, the Prophet looks forward to the 
 advent of Christ : to the setting up of a promised kingdom ; 
 and he speaks of it as the great consolation of the church un- 
 der the circumstances then present, and which would be greatly 
 aggravated by the captivity which v/as approaching. " But," 
 says he, " la the last days it shall come to pass, that the moun- 
 tain of the house of the Lord shall be established in the top of 
 the mountains, and it shall be exalted above the hills," &c. 
 " In that day, saith the Lord, will I assemble her that halteth, 
 and I will gather her that is driven out, and her that 1 have 
 afflicted ; and 1 u'ill make her that halted a remnant, and her 
 that was cast off a strong nation : and the Lord shall reign 
 over them in Mount Zion from henceforth, even for ever." 
 " The kingdom shall come to the daughter of Jerusalem." 
 What king, or what kingdom, shall come ? See Dan. vii. 13, 
 14- "I saw one like unto the Son of man, coming in the 
 clouds of heaven, and there was given Him dominion and a 
 kingdom." See accordingly, Luke i. 33, and Jeremiah viii. 
 19—22. 
 
 From this scripture we ourselves may derive profit, deduc- 
 ing from this doctrine, namely, that a true believer has a 
 
 WARRANTED GROUND OF CONSOLATION UNDER EVERY DEPRESS- 
 ING DISPENSATION IN W HICH IT SHALL PLEASE GoD TO PLACE 
 
 HIM : and to him we may apply the text, — Vfhy dost thou cry 
 aloud? Is there no king in thee? Is thy counsellor per- 
 ished? Why art thou cast down, depressed, and agitated, 
 when there is such a warranted ground of consolation under 
 every dispensation 1 
 
 Before considering this doctrine, it may be useful just to 
 glance at some of those depressing cases under which many 
 of us are apt to sink, and sometimes to cry out aloud. I do 
 
CHRIST PRESENT WITH HIS CHURCH. 423 
 
 not touch upon such cases as belonging to the province of the 
 physician : I say nothing to such as are in depression of spirits 
 from a morbid imagination — a sedentary way of life, and soli- 
 tary situations : very frequently injudicious persons have ap- 
 plied particular scriptures to cases not so much spiritual as 
 natural. But who is there among us that is not frequently 
 borne down by the loss of intimate friends and relatives? con- 
 solation at such a time seems impertinent? Who is there that 
 does not perceive in himself that his days are passing away 
 like a vapour — as a tale — and are spent without hope? that 
 the time passes with such swiftness that he scarcely arises in 
 the morning and is able to do any thing, before he is called to 
 retire again; and he is ready to say, " I cannot take hold of 
 any thing — what I do is next to nothing — my name is vanity !" 
 Who is there that is not frequently cast down to find that he 
 loses the use of his faculties? his memory fails — he loses his 
 appetite — he withers as he stands : his friends remark it ; he 
 loses what he has been used to call his comforts, and which 
 prove only birds of passage in their flight. 
 
 Who is there that does not feel the distress that arises, es- 
 pecially to a serious mind, from striving with the world, which 
 is so hostile, so contrary to his sentiments ? And if he could 
 avoid the world in its corruptions, yet he feels the enemy icitli- 
 in, as well as his grand enemy, Satan, whom he perceives 
 continually busy, leading him astray, or depressing his heart, 
 and sinking his spirits, and calling every thing into question. 
 
 A Christian is not only a man of natural sensibility, by 
 which he feels in common with others, but he has also a moral 
 sensibility, which produces feelings to which the natural man 
 is a stranger. When David was driven out of his kingdom, 
 he was not only to depart as a depressed king — an exile — but 
 he had to recollect that all this was sent as a scourge. When 
 Eli lost his sons, he had not only to recollect the death of his 
 children, but his own bad conduct in the management of them. 
 When Hezekiah had the message of death sent to him, he had 
 to recollect his vanity with the ambassadors. When St. Paul 
 had a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet him, 
 he had to recollect his proneness to exultation of spirit, and 
 the absolute necessity there was for such a depressing cure. 
 
 Thus a Christian has not only to suffer in common with 
 other men, but he groans being burdened with a body of sin 
 and death ; and he says as he passes through the world, — Woe 
 is me, that I am a sojourner in such a wilderness, that I have 
 my habitation among these tents of Kedar ! 
 
424 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 The very opposition that some people meet with on account 
 of their faith and piety is enough to wear out their spirits. 
 Jacob says, ♦' My brother Esau is coming to meet me, and I 
 shall be cut off with the motlier and the children?" And 
 David says, " I shall one day perish by the hand of Saul !" 
 
 Every man feels for himself, what the particular thing is, 
 which leads him to cry out aloud ; and the experience of every 
 Christian tells him, that there is enough to make him " groan, 
 being burdened," and to convince him that this is not his rest; 
 " because it is polluted." Micah ii. 10. 
 
 But though these are facts, yet the main end of the present 
 subject is to show, that there is no cause for despah, and that 
 it is a sin for a christian to fall into it. This leads me to con- 
 sider more particularly, The warranted ground of con- 
 solation WHICH THE BELIEVER HAS UNDER EVERY DEPRES- 
 SING DISPENSATION. 
 
 IFhy dost thou cry aloud? or as it is in the Hebrew, Tf Iiy 
 dost thou cry a cry ? All the complaints that man could bring 
 to justify himself under the agitation of his spirits, are answer- 
 ed at once by the provisions which God has made, and set 
 forth, and proposed freely " without money and without price" 
 to every one that asketh and secketh. 
 
 When the ship was tossed in the midst of the waves, and 
 the disciples, in great fear, awaked Christ, saying, '• Master, 
 carest thou not that we perish? " — after that he had rebuked 
 the storm, he said unto them, " Why are ye so fearful ? how 
 is it that ye have no faith?" In this question which Christ puis 
 to his disciples, we have, as it were, the text repeated, l^hy 
 dost thou cry cdoitd? Is there no king in thee? Is thy 
 counsellor perished? As if he had said, Am not I here? 
 You are looking to the elements — you are listening to the re- 
 ports of sense ; but is there no king in thee ? Why then are 
 ye so fearful ? 
 
 Thus must the believer be taught to exercise faith in trying 
 times. See Duet, xxxii. 11. "As an Eagle stirreth up her 
 nest," <Scc., the young ones would fain lie dozing in the nest, 
 they would not take wing for a long time : surely this is the 
 picture of every Christian, if he examines his own heart. W e 
 revolt at exertion ; it is painful ; it is disturbance; we want to 
 be quiet in our nest ; but " The Lord's portion is his people : 
 He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling 
 wilderness : he led him about " — he environed Israel as iiis 
 portion. He did not mean to let Israel remain as he was : The 
 language of nature is, " let me alone :" But what would be 
 
CHRIST PRESENT WITH HIS CHURCH. 425 
 
 the consequence if man were let alone in the state he is 1 Israel 
 therefore must be " led about;" — he must be taught like the 
 eagle to lake wing — he must not be sullored to lie dozing in 
 the nest without action, without exertion — " So the Lord alone 
 did lead him." 
 
 This is one grand design of God in his dispensations of af- 
 fliction toward his children. lie roots us up from our present 
 satisfactions, and checks the disposition we have to lie still, 
 and to say, " Let us alone." He leaches us to rise above the 
 grovelling habits into which we too naturally fall ; and to live 
 a life far different from that life of sin which the generality of 
 mankind desire. And if this is God's design in afllicting us, 
 tell me not what you have to complain of, nor of the depths to 
 which sin has brought you : Is there no king in thee? Is thy 
 counsellor perished? Doth not the Lord dwell in Zion 1 
 Thus we find the Lord saying to Abraham, " Get thee out of 
 thy country, and from thy kindred," &c., and as if he marked 
 the fear and apprehension that Abraham would have in going, 
 he adds, " Fear not Abraham ; " go out, but '''■fear not,^' 1 am 
 God all-sufficient ; I am enough ; I am the Alpha and Omega ;" 
 " i am thy exceeding great reward." So to Isaac, — so to 
 Jacob. 
 
 Thus we find St. John when he was banished to the Isle of 
 Patmos, saying, " He laid his right hand upon me, saying. 
 Fear not." As if Christ had said. Thine enemies may banish 
 thee to the most desolate island, but they cannot banish thee 
 from my presence, and favour and friendship ; I am with thee ; 
 I have *' the keys of death and hell ; " go on with your work, 
 write to the churches, and let them know that their King is in 
 Zion. 
 
 It was profanely said by Julius Cii'sar to the pilot who was 
 alarmed at the violence of a storm which arose, " Fear not, 
 thou carriest Cu!sar and his fortunes." Poor vain creature ! 
 he did not consider that Ca3sar was no more than a worm of 
 the earth, whose breath was in his nostrils. 
 
 Job, in the very worst of times felt the truth of the text. — 
 " I know that my Redeemer liveth;" therefore shall I lift up 
 my head, notwithstanding my depressing circumstances. Nay, 
 he says, " Though He slay me," — though his dispensations 
 are so severe, and run contrary to what I could wish, — 
 " though he slay me" in leading me through these deep wa- 
 ters, "yet will I trust in him:" My King is with mc, my 
 counsellor is not perished. See Psalm xxiii. 4. 
 
 There is something to be regarded in this repetition. Is not 
 36* 
 
426 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 thy King in thee? Is thy counsellor perished ? It surely is 
 evident to every man who has had any experience and made 
 any observation in rehgion, and who has attentively read his 
 Bible, that the Lord has not only promised to guide his people 
 by his counsel, and afterwards receive them to glory, — but he 
 has sometimes condescended to give the reasons of his dealing 
 Vv'ith them, and why they pass through the fire and through the 
 water on their way to the kingdom. In the loss of near and dear 
 friends, it is as if God said, — This is to teach you that your rest 
 is not here; and as for tliose friends, be ye followers of them, for 
 by faith and patience tiiey now inherit the promises. In the loss 
 of faculties, healih, comforts, &c., you complain as if you were 
 at home, forgetting you are " strangers and pilgrims upon 
 earth." For though you can only be accepted upon the ground 
 of what Christ has done and suffered for you, yet is there not 
 much chaff to be winnowed from the wheat? is there Eot much 
 dross to be separated from the gold 1 and is it not necessary 
 that the Refiner should " sit as a refiner and purifier of tlie 
 sons of Levi?" 
 
 Vhut, says an old v.riter, is good for a man, v\ hich is good 
 for his soui. Now therefore, TFhy dost thou cry aloud ? 
 You are only on your journey : If you take your child a jour- 
 ney, he will probably see many things, as he travels on, that 
 his young mind will covet ; he will want the flowers by the 
 wav', or wish to stop at some pleasant spot on the road rather 
 than go on. And why is all this? because lie is a child; and 
 you smile at his simplicity, and tell him these are only acci- 
 dental things by the way : they serve indeed to make the jour- 
 ney more pleasant, but are not essential. 
 
 Believer! is thy counsellor perished ? Is he not teaching 
 you and me the same lesson? does he not say. This is not the 
 home, but the iray? that what we have is only lent us? and that 
 instead of crying out, because they are departing from us, or 
 we from th.em, we should remember that this is the very con- 
 stitution of things ; this is absolutely necessary for us; for if 
 we have a free and constant hold of present things, we shall be 
 deprived of better. 
 
 Bishop Reynolds observes, that there are two things necessary 
 in order to our having satisfaction in any thing. There must 
 he propriety, and there must be proportion. There must be 
 propriety ; we must be actual possessors / the thing must be 
 ours: and there must be proportion ; the thing must fit, suit, 
 be adequate to satisfy. But both these are impossible in the 
 present case : for God has decreed that it shall be his sole pre- 
 
CHRIST PRESENT WITH HIS CIIURCII. 427 
 
 rogative to satisfy, to fill the lieart of man ; and that no crea- 
 ted being whatever shall do it. 
 
 It is very remarkable, and surely a true philosoj)her would 
 not lose sight of this, — that Solomon, when he had calculated, 
 and made iiis csiimate of every thing the world calls good, so 
 that as he says, " What can the man do that cometh after the 
 King1" — he pronounces upon it, "all is vanity and vexation 
 of spirit." Eccles. i. 14. After all, there is no propriety, no 
 proportion in these things ; and facts constantly prove this to 
 be the case with those who have ihe greatest abundance of this 
 world's good. Let the Christian turn away from such a fan- 
 cied propriety and proportion, and turn to this counsellor 
 whom it is his highest privilege to call the " Wonderful Coun- 
 sellor ;" for to you is the word of this salvation sent. God 
 has taught his children in all ages the reason why he will not 
 suffer this world to be their rest: He has taught them to say, 
 as Hezekiah, when every thing was depressing and bereaving 
 about him, " O Lord, by these things" — by these dispensa- 
 tions of affliction, — "do men live, and in all these things is the 
 life of my spirit : so wilt thou recover me, and make me to live. 
 Behold, for peace 1 had great bitterness ; but thou hast in love 
 to my soul" (mark that,) "thou hast in love to my soul de- 
 livered it from the pit of corruption. For thou hast cast all 
 my sins behind thy back." 
 
 Oh, it is a mighty, a mighty blessing indeed, if God makes 
 use of any dispensalion whatever to bring us nearer to himself, 
 and to make us more acquainted with ourselves, and his deal- 
 ings towards us !^ 
 
 One of the greatest abominations that ever existed since the 
 fdW of man, was that of burning men at the slake for con- 
 science' sake, and putting them to all imaginable tortures, be- 
 cause they would not submit to tiie impositions of the Church 
 of Rome. Yet at the same time, out of that dark Church there 
 arose a glorious testimony and proof, that no consequence is 
 to be feared if it can be said, Is not thy King in thee? "I 
 am persuaded," saith the apostle, " that neither death, nor life, 
 nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, 
 nor tilings to come; nor height nor depth, norany other crea- 
 ture, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which 
 is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Our king is with us; our coun- 
 sellor is not perished. 
 
 CoNCLUDiXG Remarks. Let us each ask ourselves this 
 
 > See Mrs. llawkcs's reference to this passage, page 183 of the Memoir. 
 
428 FRAGMEISTS, ETC. 
 
 question, What have I been doing hitherto? I see that 1 have 
 been a rebel against my rightful sovereign ; but I am willing 
 to lay down ray arms, and enter, if possible, into the benefit. 
 To such I would say. You must show yourself willing to re- 
 ceive the benefit, by renouncing not only your hostility, but 
 your former character, you must forsake wicked company, 
 and leave off sinning ; you must receive the gift as it is pre- 
 sented ; vou must return like the prodigal son. See Luke 
 XV. 18. 
 
 Do you say, How shall J do all this? You must ask the 
 help of the Holy Spirit. You must receive the kingdom of 
 God as a little child. A proud man can do nothing in the 
 business of salvation : a mere caviller will trifle at the door: 
 you must repent and believe the gospel: you must ask and it 
 shall be given : you must knock, and the door shall be opened : 
 you must employ the means : you must trust the truth of God 
 which hath said, The seed of Jacob shall never seek my face 
 in vain. 
 
 Once more, I would say to every Christian who is thus in- 
 terested, " Hold fast that which thou hast:" and let it suffice 
 thee, if thou hast nothing else, that thou hast a king dwelling 
 in Zion, present with his church, a counsellor at hand. " God 
 is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." 
 Make your case as dark as you can in imagination, yet it is 
 said, " Let him that walketh in darkness and hath no light," 
 let him " trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his 
 God." Thy king is present with thee, who is able and will- 
 ing to bring thee through all these things: who will guide thee 
 by his counsel, and afterwards receive thee to glory. 
 
 Noah fled into the ark at the command of God, and em- 
 braced the provision set before him, as the only method of 
 safety. It is very reasonable to suppose that at the coming on 
 of the flood, there might be an alarm in the ark : a question 
 might arise, — Are we safe? Are we secure? but there was a 
 vast diflerence between the alarm that took place in the ark, 
 and the alarm that took place out of it, because nothing could 
 be said to those out of the ark in a way of consolation : but in 
 the ark, in the very worst circumstances they were safe, — for 
 God had " Shut them in." If therefore you are a believer in 
 Christ, to all you could possibly allege in your most private 
 and full statement of your troubles, sorrows, and sufi^erings, I 
 should reply, Why is your breast wrung, and your heart agi- 
 tated ? Is there no king in thee ? Is thy counsellor perished ? 
 Your complaints may be various, but your resource is one, and 
 
CHRIST A SHELTER. 429 
 
 it is that which is exhibited in the text. I pray God you may 
 be able to embrace it, feeling it sufficient; and that you may 
 be willing to glorify God, who thus helps you in all trying 
 cases. 
 
 CHRIST A SHELTER. 
 
 For thou hast been a shelter for me. — Psalm Ixi. 3. 
 
 Religion has often been contemplated as it exhibits patience, 
 hope, safety; but it has not been sufficiently considered as it 
 exhibits ivisdom. Every man needs a shelter, and he must se- 
 cure it in time, or be undone in eternity : " A prudent man 
 foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, 
 and are punished." God in Christ is the sanctuary of man : 
 but this hiding place can only be enjoyed by faith taking hold 
 of the promise. See Is. xxvi. 20. The proud and the pro- 
 fane will trifle and boast: but here is their folly, their refuge 
 will not hide them; their strong holds will not secure them in 
 time of danger. While false [)hilosophy is pulling down the 
 only sheller, and can propose nothing but a cobweb in its place, 
 man remains a poor, exposed, helpless creature; and this 
 surely is not ivisdom in one who feels every day his need of a 
 shelter, even with respect to iiis meanest part, the body. But 
 what is the body to the soul? the body will soon be eaten of 
 worms, while the soul will live forever. Man is a guilty crea- 
 ture, a depraved creature, a tempted and aftlicted creature, a 
 helpless and dying creature; and therefore if he is wise, he 
 will be careful to seek a shelter, and will be thankful that God 
 has provided one. See Psalm xci. Nothing but true and 
 vital religion, and faith in the Son of God, will prove a shelter; 
 and the minister who speaks of less than this, is a blind guide. 
 When we speak of a shelter, we must not stop short ol Him 
 <' Whom (4od liath s^et forth to be a propilialion through faith 
 in liis blood." Rom. iii. 25. 
 
 The shelter which man needs, and which God has provided, 
 is a tried shelter. It is a niatter of experience : " Thou hast 
 been a shelter for me." 
 
430 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 A cloud of witnesses might be brought to prove that God 
 has provided a shelter; and that it is a tried one: see Noah, 
 Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Hezekiah, Daniel, St. Paul, &c. 
 This is also a daily shelter : it is what David calls in another 
 place, "a very present help in time of trouble," as if he had 
 said, " I can rely upon Him for the momeiity 
 
 The true Christian, in every age, is taught of God to seek 
 this shelter; to turn from all others, and to make use of it 
 upon all occasions. And as he finds his emergencies come on, 
 he has a spiritual habit of turning to the shelter God affords. 
 His language is, " Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, 
 where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon ?" Where is the 
 shelter in which under the heat of temptation, the storm of per- 
 secution, losses or crosses, I may lie down. I have gone to 
 shelters that have made great promise of repose, but they could 
 not yield it. I fainted under them ; and now seek a better 
 covering. 
 
 Let every Christian who has found this shelter, put honour 
 upon it ; and consider his temptations, trials, and afflictions, as 
 sent to say, " Come under the shadow of my wings." This 
 is not a metaphysical or controverted point ; every man needs 
 a shelter ; and there is no case where the true Christian may 
 not find it always ready. Let us endeavour to employ it daily 
 and universally. 
 
 Let every one dread an unsheltered state, though prosperous. 
 Christ has marked it out in the gospel. He that said, " Soul, 
 thou hast much goods laid up for many years," thought he had 
 a shelter : but our Lord says, " Thou fool, this night thy soul 
 shall be required of thee." There is a time coming, when he 
 who has neglected his salvation for the riches of this world, 
 will be glad to sell all he has to purchase the lost blessing. "I 
 beheld .... and the heaven departed as a scroll when it is 
 rolled together," See Rev. vi. 12 — 17. 
 
 There is a spirituality in the Christian's character, the effect 
 of regeneration, which leads him to maintain secret converse 
 and intercourse with God ; and he then finds he is returned to 
 ills proper rest. 
 
 Money, fame, power, or the pleasures of sense, may rush in 
 upon us like a tide ; but they will yield us nothing. The sum- 
 mons, therefore, should be urgent and frequent, " Return unto 
 thy rest, O my soul." 
 
431 
 
 CHRIST A HIDING-PLACE. 
 
 Thou art my hiding-place. — Psalm xxxii. 7. 
 
 People that have never been in battle may discourse of it ; 
 but it will be in a very diffijrent way from what a soldier would 
 speak about it. Religion is a warfare, and the man who has 
 maintained the conflict, and who has made expensive observa- 
 tions, will speak of it in a very different way Irom others who 
 merely speculate upon it. 
 
 David had been a military man, and his life had been pre- 
 served, more than once, by finding a hiding-place, when he 
 was " hunted as a partridge upon the mountains; " and though 
 he had frequently escaped by these means, — yet, he knew that 
 there was but one true place of safety ; therefore he looks be- 
 yond the means, and says, Thou art my hiding-place. The 
 language of the Apostle expresses the same sentiment: "I 
 know in whom I have believed :" I can place every thing in his 
 hands ; every thing that concerns my body or soul ; every 
 thing that concerns time or eternity. 
 
 Every true Christian triumphs in this, namely, that he has 
 a constant refuge: he says, not only, "Thou hast been, but 
 Thou art my hiding-place — which presents itself upon all oc- 
 casions ; when sin would allure and betray; when the enemy 
 comes in like a flood, and I am ready to be driven away by 
 the torrent of temptations by which he assaults me; when I 
 travel through the deep waters of aflliction ; when the terrors 
 of the law threaten and alarm ; in the hour of death, and in 
 the day of judgment — still, in all, Thoit art my hiding- 
 jilace.^^ 
 
 A gracious habit in a Christian, enabling him to turn to God 
 under every exigence and want, is not only the way in which 
 God is honoured ; but if there is any repose, any comfort, any 
 true peace and composure, it must be had in this way. When 
 a threatening message was sent to one of tlie Fathers, he re- 
 turned for answer, " Go and tell E. I fear nothing but sin.'''' 
 
 How forlorn must that sinner be, who has to meet the 
 storms of time and eternity without a hiding-place! "The 
 rich man's wealth is his strong city, and as a iiigh wall," but 
 the wise man adds, " in his own conceit." I^ut he that has 
 heard the voice of Jesus Christ, and has fled to Him for 
 
432 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 shelter and for rest, shall find that He is indeed " a hiding- 
 place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest ; as rivers 
 of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in^ a 
 weary land." 
 
 Where are the vast desires of the spiritual mind to be satis- 
 fied, but in Christ Jesus ? His gracious words are, " If any 
 man thirst, let him come unto me and drink." 
 
 A worm is prepared for every gourd. Every creature-com- 
 fort is a gourd : do not, like Jonah, rejoice in it. Whatever it 
 is, it is no subject for joy though it may be of thanksgiving : 
 for every gourd will wither. It is a Christian's mercy and 
 high privilege, that there is a shade provided for him which 
 has no worm at the root. " He that dwellelh in the secret 
 place of the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the 
 Almighty." 
 
 Is there any one who hopes to find something in the world 
 to lean upon besides God's word 1 Such a hope is contrary 
 to all experience : there is no rest but in God. But it may be 
 said, — Religious people have been, in their day, as gay and 
 thoughtless as others. True, but we come back like mariners 
 escaped from a icrecl; and would therefore warn you, and 
 lake hold of your hand and lead you aright. W^e would have 
 you escape the rocks which we have split upon. A Christian 
 who goes simply to God in all cases, will surely rise when 
 every other person sinks: he will be kept in peace — " Thou 
 wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon 
 thee." Mark, it is not said that a man shall keep himself in 
 peace, but " thou wilt keep him,'^ " because he trusteth in 
 thee." 
 
 THE COVENANT RENEWED AT BETHEL, 
 
 ^ind God appeared iinfo Jacob again, ivhcn he came out of 
 Padan-aram, and blessed him, . . . ^^nd Jacob called the 
 name of the place ivhere God spake with him Beth-el — 
 Gen. XXXV. 9 — 15. 
 
 He that believeth, hath the witness in himself: he knows 
 what religion is : he knows its purifying effects : he hath also 
 
THE COVENANT RENEWED AT BETHEL. 433 
 
 the witness in himself that religion in h'nn is the same that it 
 was in Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It is the work of the same 
 spirit : it has the same foundation ; and the root being the same, 
 the fruit is the same. Therefore there is no part of the his- 
 tory of the Bible uninteresting: for the believer reads it with 
 reference to himself: he says, My name is Jacob, my name is 
 David — and they say exactly what suits me. 
 
 We live by faith upon the promises; therefore we contin- 
 ually need a fresh repetition of the promises, and a fresh ap- 
 plication of them. God appeared unto Jacob again and bles- 
 sed him. 
 
 Where Christ has visited a man in mercy, he will visit him 
 again. See John v. 6 — 14. He lives in the high and holy 
 place; and he lives also in the humble and contrite heart; and 
 he will come down and speak to Jacob again and again, and 
 encourage him over and over again. 
 
 Every man's history is an original record which none can 
 read but himself. A Christian, when he daily examines this 
 record, should sa}'' — Here was pardon, and there protec- 
 tion ; here preservation, and there forbearance ; here correc- 
 tion, and there encouragement. We are not only called to 
 consider mercy in the abstract, but particular, personal mer- 
 cies : above all, we should be ever contemplating the rich 
 mercy which God gave in sending his Son. 
 
 And God said, t'lif name is Jacob. It signifies very little 
 what the world calls our name ; the important question is, 
 what does God say that my name is 1 Jind he called his name 
 Israel : or, a prince with God. That we should be made kings 
 and priests unto God, in a spiritual sense, is the grandest aim 
 and project that can be presented to the mind of man. As a 
 king under his holy annointing, the Christian overcomes the 
 world, the flesh, and the devil ; as a prince, like Jacob, he has 
 power with God and man, and prevails ; as a priest, he is, in a 
 peculiar sense, consecrated to God. " Ye arc a chosen gene- 
 ration, a royal priesthood;" 1 Peter ii. 9. and if a Christian 
 has a just sense of his high privilege, it is im.possible but he 
 must say with St. John, " tJnto him that loved us, and washed 
 us from our sins in his own blood, and hath made us kings and 
 priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and domin- 
 ion for ever and ever. Amen." 
 
 And God said rinto him, I am God Almighty : remember 
 
 this, and put your trust only in me. The further you keep 
 
 from that curse — " Cursed is the man that trusteth in man," — 
 
 the better. Come, and hang upon me; place upon me your 
 
 37 
 
434 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 whole dependence. A man never forms a large expectation 
 till he has done with every thing but God. 
 
 And God ivent up from him in the place u'here he talked 
 with him. The conversation was very short between God and 
 his servant Jacob; this teaches us, that while there is a com- 
 munication between God and his children which the world 
 knows nothing of, still, as they are not yet in heaven, the seat 
 of his immediate presence, they must expect that special fa- 
 vours will be only transient. Young converts are often much 
 puzzled and alarmed at this. The disciples when they were 
 on the mount of transfiguration said, " Lord, it is good to be 
 here: let us build three tabernacles," dz^c. But they were to 
 be instructed that the mount was not a place for them to live 
 upon : they were to go down and labour and fight, and endure 
 the burden and heat of the day. This is not hard or unkind : 
 it is only that God is saying to them — " You are yet to meet 
 trouble, to go against the strong current : your dispensation is 
 to live hy faith and not by sight ; and as you go on your jour- 
 ney, you shall not want special helps." True religion is not 
 a rapture, but a blessed, holy habit : it is a pilgrim holding on 
 his way. The sun may not always shine upon his path : yet 
 he holds on : it is his habit to go forward, and not to look be- 
 hind. 
 
 We should endeavour to demonstrate our regard to every 
 special favour. See how Jacob acted after God had gone up 
 from him — he set vp a pillar in the place where God talked 
 with him ; as though he had said — •' I will bear a testimony 
 that the Lord is nigh to them that call upon him. I am indeed 
 a pilgrim, a dweller in tents, but by the help of God, I will 
 quicken my mind by the transaction that has passed here." 
 Every Christian before he strikes his harp in heaven, will be 
 taught to touch it upon earth, however imperfectly. 
 
 There are places which present holy associations. If there 
 is any place where we have wrestled with God for a blessings 
 and have gone again and again and found help, let us remem- 
 ber that place. See Hannah. 1 Sam. i. 26. 
 
 We must rest in God and not in places. We must recur to 
 Christ who giveth strength and victory, and in Him must be 
 our rest. Even Bethel was afterwards called Bethaven, the 
 house of vanity. 
 
 If the Lord'has been pleased to speak to our hearts, to en- 
 lighten our eyes, and to strengthen our hands, we should re- 
 joice in it, and remember it : but we should rejoice with trem- 
 bling — for trials generally follow favours. All our attainments 
 
Israel's last testimony. 435 
 
 here have humbling appendages connected with them : Jacob 
 went halting all his days : and St. Paul had a thorn in the 
 flesh. The strongest men are weak, and the best halt. Jacob 
 had soon to set up a pillar of sorrow over Rachel's grave. 
 Thus we are made to feel that we are still in the body, and 
 must go on watering our way with tears. 
 
 ISRAEL'S LAST TESTIMONY. 
 
 ^^nd Jacob called unto his sorts, and said, Gather yourselves 
 together, that I may tell you that which shall befal you in 
 the last days, <SfC. — Gen. xlix. 1 — 8. 
 
 He who hath seen God's wonders is called to be God's wit- 
 ness. We must bear a faithful testimony against sin, whether 
 in the church, or in our own family — for so did Jacob. When 
 his sons were standing round his dying bed, it might have been 
 expected that he would have forgotten all their past follies. 
 We should not have been surprised to hear him say, " 1 am 
 Slow about to depart. 1 will not disturb and harass my spirits 
 now, but keep my mind quiet and composed." But there is 
 such a thing as loving the truth above every thing else : there- 
 fore he proceeds — Reuben, thou art my first-born. . . . un- 
 stable as water thou shalt not excel. Simeon and Levi are 
 brethren : instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O 
 my soul, come not thou into their secret ! The Christian, like 
 his great Master, hates sin, but pities the sinner, and deals 
 tenderly with him — yet honestly as to his faults. We must 
 never connive at sin. 
 
 Jacob died as a witness for God. When he mentions the 
 troubles which he has gone through, and how God lias sup- 
 ported him under them, he bears a testimony that if we would 
 but trust in God, He would not only come up to our expecta- 
 tions, but infinitely exceed them. He says to Joseph, " I had 
 not thought to see thy face, and lo, God hath showed me 
 thy seed." He also died comforting the church generally. See 
 chap, xlvii. 21. 
 
436 FBAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 GODLINESS THE BEST SECURITY 
 
 For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the 
 prosperity of fools shall destroy them. But ivhoso heark- 
 enetli unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from 
 fear of evil.— F row. 1. 32, 33. 
 
 Christianity invites to examination. We are invited to 
 search, to conapare, to take pains, lo grow in wisdom, that we 
 may know how to approve things lliat are excellent. For this 
 purpose, we are provided with a measuring rod, a standard. 
 The Christian is to take tlie balances of the sanctuary ; and 
 that he may not be misled by his own corrupt heart, and be 
 thereby in danger of making false conclusions by listening to 
 so corrupt a counsellor, he must search and enquire with much 
 humility and prayer. 
 
 With these only true balances, let us weigh the favour, the 
 riches, the ease, the friendship of tlie world — which are per- 
 ishing in the using — with ihe portion of the true Christian, 
 who is hastening to joys immortal, and a crown of glory which 
 fadeth not away. A moment's consideration must determine 
 which of these is the most excellent and desirable. 
 
 It is very necessary that we should acquire a iiabit of form- 
 ing right associations. There are certain things which we 
 get a habit of combining with other things; as — that what is 
 considered honourable in the world is good ; that riches, how- 
 ever obtained, are good: our whole educalion is founded upon 
 this wrong system. Achan was formed in this school : his 
 considering that the wedge of gold was good, arose from a 
 wrong association of ideas. The three great adversaries of 
 man, arc the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the 
 pride of life, which produce a carnal way of thinking — the 
 heart struggling for ils idol. 
 
 Tha right associations are these: to consider religion as 
 sound wisdom, and ever to look on the policy of a wicked man 
 as the highest folly — lo consider that the prosperity of fools is 
 a loss, not a gain: it destroys them — that it is not pain and 
 adversity, but the prosperity of fools that is to be dreaded — 
 that if a foolish man (that is, a sinner) is at case, it is the stu- 
 por of death — that true obedience, and hearkening to God, is 
 not a task, but a delight: it elevates the soul. 
 
GODLINESS THE BEST SECURITY. 
 
 437 
 
 There is nothing more important than to have a moral eye. 
 Without this, we shall never see things as they are, but be im- 
 posed upon by custom, by names, and by external appear- 
 ances. The true Christian has a spiritual habit of taking 
 every thing to the Bible, in order to ascertain its real worth ; 
 and thus 'Uhe spiritual man discerneth all things:" the use 
 of the ordinances of God is to strengthen and promote this 
 principle, to help us to correct a false taste, — to consider what 
 is really good. 
 
 Turning away is a term of vast extent. While the road to 
 life is but one, and consists in hearkening to God, there aie 
 ten thousand paths to death. Any deviation from the straight 
 road, is a turning away — not only profligacy, but formality, 
 or excessive attention to business : it matters not what you 
 turn to, if you are not hearkening to God. The text is an an- 
 tidote to envy, ambition, covetousness, &c., but the remedy 
 must be taken now, (see the foregoing verses). " Woe unto 
 thee, Chorazin ! " The most miserable state of all others, is 
 that of often-warned impenitence ! " Suns and seasons will 
 wait for no man : " all industry will avail nothing when the 
 season is past : therefore is the wise ant commended for im- 
 proving its summer. 
 
 There are times when every man begins to feel the value of 
 safety, and tries to banish the fear of being " found wanting"' 
 at the last: it returns again and again — "What! if I should 
 wake in eternity, and find all the warnings I have had to be 
 true!" 
 
 The term fool in Scripture, does not mean a person ot natu- 
 rally weak understanding, but it always means a vicious per- 
 son,' turning aw^ay from the truth— from God — from his real 
 interest. Thus the fool prefers the toys of a moment to his 
 everlasting good. See his character, Hosca xii. 1. 
 
 How does the prosperity of fools destroy them ? It inflates, 
 pufl^s up, and blinds a man in his error: he knows not where 
 he is : it infatuates and sensualises him : it insensibly, gradual- 
 ly, but certainly, indisposes him to take up the cross, and 
 walk in the narrow way, to be a practical disciple of Christ, 
 looking how he walked,"'how he talked, what he did, what he 
 commanded. 
 
 Prosperity, in a great city, to men who are running a race 
 after it, is a' powerful engine in the hand of Satan. How did 
 he endeavour to tempt even Christ with a sight of worldly 
 splendour; and can we wonder at his success on men? Con- 
 sider in how seducing a form destruction may approach. We 
 *37 
 
438 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 see and fear destruction in the form of pestilence, famine, and 
 sword: men guard carefully their houses from fire or thieves. 
 But what signifies ihe form of the weapon which destroys us ? 
 Does the love of ease make you neglect the remedy wliich you 
 must take, or perish? — then regard it as a deadly snare. 
 
 Learn to view the world and its prosperity in the glass of 
 God's word. If you grow wise in divine truth, you will see 
 in the history of every day, that misery lies in turning away 
 from the word of God : you are never safe for a moment, but 
 as you are looking to your compass. Satan has snares for 
 believers. Especially let them fear, who are pleasing them- 
 selves in their prosperity: let them remember that they em- 
 brace their worst enemy. Whenever any one would think of 
 ensuring peace and safety, let him remember, that nothing can 
 be a basis for these but true religion. 
 
 But whoso hearkenelh unto me shall dwell safely. The 
 Bible takes hold of every faculty of the mind : if fear predomi- 
 nates, it takes hold of fear: if hope predominates, it takes hold 
 of hope. True religion inspires man with colid hope, and aflbrds 
 him an effectual antidote against human calamity. ^Yhoso 
 hearkeneth to 7nc shall dwell safely. He has for iiis refuge a 
 strong tower: he shall transact all his affairs under a sacred 
 protection : he shall he quiet from fear of evil. He shall not 
 only be safe, but lie sh'dUfeel himself safe. So the three children: 
 " Vv e are not careful to answer thee in this matter : if it be so, 
 our God whom we trust is able to deliver." " They that trust 
 in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed, 
 but abideth forever." The Christian's best interests are above 
 the reach of evil : his great and chief concern is eternal life. 
 What was it that made some take joyfully the spoiling of their 
 goods? VVhat was it that made Moses despise the riches of 
 Egypt? and choose rather to suffer affliction v,ith the people 
 of^ God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin lor a season ? It 
 was having respect unto the recompense of the reward. It is 
 only when we forget the marriage supper of the Lamb that we 
 can envy sinners. 
 
 Death is a dark valley, and hell may rage ; yet it is the be- 
 liever's privilege to say, "The Lord is my shepherd, and I 
 will fear no evil," either past, present, or to ccme, " for Thou 
 art with me." 
 
 There are moments, when the privileges of a Christian — his 
 peace — his safety — are felt to be of more wortli and value than 
 worlds. A man of property has been seen upon his dying bed, 
 ofTering the world, if it had been his, for the wise man's rock. 
 
TRUTH THE BEST MERCHANDISE. 439 
 
 When we have attained what Simeon waited for, and rejoiced 
 in, then we can welcome death, and fear no evil in it, and not 
 till thtii. 
 
 How excellent is true religion ! It puts the Christian in pos- 
 session of an universal remedy. Let Christians therefore live 
 up to their privileges, and bring religion into daily use. Then 
 shall we be less disturbed by the news or the circumstances of 
 the day, and say with David, The Lord is my light and my 
 salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of 
 my life; of whom shall 1 be afraid? Ps. xxvii. 1. 
 
 TRUTH THE BEST MERCHANDISE. 
 
 Bvy the tridh, and sell it not. — Prov. xxiii. 23. 
 
 The world is a great market, and there are many bidders; 
 and they think no price too high for the baubles of the lair — 
 though, all the time, they weary themselves for very vanity, 
 and spend their money for that which is not bread. But what- 
 ever we buy, if we neglect to buy the truth, death will soon 
 make us sensible that we have made but a poor bargain. 
 
 He that embraces Truth praciically is a great character. 
 Men love the Truth when it is not agaitist them. Thus did 
 Herod; but he could not go through with it : he could not cut 
 off a right hand, nor ])luck out a right eye. He would not 
 put away the idol of his aflections. One sin may master and 
 keep dovv'n another, and still the strong man armed hecp his 
 hold. We must not satisfy ourselves that we have this or that 
 truth : we must have the whole, not a part. 
 
 There is no need to dress and adorn Truth : the great mat- 
 ter is, to let it appear in its native forces: it will discover itself 
 to be the "treasure hid in afield;" the "belter part;" the 
 " pearl of great price," which cannot be bought too dear, 
 though, like the merchantman, we should sell all (hat we have 
 to purchase it. 
 
 Bay the truth, and sell it not. Buy it at any rate; part 
 with every thing wliich God calls for, and it will still he bought 
 chenp. "Keep her; for she is thy life." For if it be the 
 
440 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 TRUTH, it is a livincr principle: it will make you grow up into 
 Christ : it is the life and light of the soul : it is God's ordi- 
 nance to illuniinate a dark world. Buy it therefore, and sell 
 it not. 
 
 THE RIGHT MANNER OF RECOMMENDING TRUTH. 
 
 Speaking the truth in love. — Eph. iv. 15. 
 
 We are called to maintain the truth, in opposition to all that 
 would subvert it, and notwithstanding that it may be slighted 
 and rejected. This we must do whatever it shall cost us, and 
 in the most trying times: but we must rise higher yet; and 
 do all this in love. We must maintain it in the spirit of our 
 Master; so maintain it, as to make it appear that we love it 
 for itself — for its own excellence and saving benelit ; and that 
 ■we do not speak it to shew our superior knowledge and abili- 
 ties, or because we wish to establish some favourite opinion ; 
 but, on the contrary, that we are ready to give up what does 
 not belong to it, though it may lie in things never so dear to 
 us; and that the love of the Truth surmounts every thing. 
 
 As it is not enough that a man speak the Truth, if he does 
 not speak it in love; so it is not enough that he has what 
 looks like love and benevolence, if he does not hold the truth 
 as it is in Jesus. 
 
 He who speaks the truth in love, must sometimes reprove, 
 rebuke, and warn with an awful voice; but still this arises 
 from love. The Truth is sometimes so contrary to our pre- 
 judices, so exposes a man to himself, so holds up the mirror, 
 so probes the mind, is so hard a necessity — that it has often a 
 very awful presence. It so binds down corrupt nature, so 
 curbs the will and opposes the inclination, that, however it may 
 be presented, it often makes us shrink; and more especially 
 when it sets in against a storm of passion or temptation : it is 
 then like adding vinegar to nitre. How important is it, there- 
 fore, that we should endeavour to speak the Truth in love, as 
 Christ did ; that we should look as he looked upon Peter ! 
 " Let all your things be done with charity." Violence and 
 
ON NEUTRALITi'^ IN RELIGION. 441 
 
 crafl may be necessary to establish a sect ; but Truth must be 
 established by love and quietness. 
 
 As Christians, we are called to walk by an humble path to 
 a high home. We should have a low opinion of ourselves, 
 and a high opinion of our profession. It should be our aim to 
 walk worthy of the vocation wherewith we are called; main- 
 taining the truth in every possible way — by simplicity, by 
 carefulness, and by integrity. 
 
 As a man is growing up into Christ, he is more disposed to 
 speak the truth in love. 
 
 ON NEUTRALITY IN RELIGION. 
 
 He that is not with me is ugainst me : and he that gathereth 
 not with me scatiereth. — Luke xi. 23. 
 
 The Scriptures are wonderfully adapted to the mind of man 
 in every respect. There are many persons who can only be 
 taught by a train of reasoning: the Scripture meets such per- 
 sons. Others require a shorter method : the Scripture is also 
 adapted to such — it has great truths comprised in a single max- 
 im : " He that is not with me is against me : and he that gath- 
 ereth not with me scattereth." The declaration refers primari- 
 ly to Satan ; but its meaning is universal, whether it is spo- 
 ken to a fallen angel or a fallen man. 
 
 Observe what Christ looks at, and promises profit to them 
 that arc with Mini — that has the same object he has — that sit 
 at his feet like Mary, hear his word and take it as a guide, 
 looking to his Spirit to enable them to do his will. 
 
 He that works with Christ, must take his doctrines to work 
 with — must take his atonement as the only way of obtain- 
 ing the pardon of sin. There is no such thing in religion as 
 NEUTRALITY : Hc that is not loith me, sailh Christ, is against 
 me. Some things, like water, quench the fire at once: other 
 things, like ashes, smother and put it out by degrees. 
 
 How did Christ gather his church? Did he not come de- 
 claring the guilt, depravity, and helplessness of man? and did 
 He no" declare the remedy ? Did He not bring the ransom, 
 
442 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 and teach all his disciples that there was no life but in his 
 death? no liberty but in his power? Surely we ought to give 
 unlimited confidence to our infallihle Teacher ; to sit at his 
 feet to learn, not to reason ; particularly the mystery of nian's 
 redemption by his death. Christ is distinguished as a legisla- 
 tor, from all others, by his being essential. There arises out 
 of this, the infinite evil of sin, which needed such sacrifice — 
 the infinite love of God who so loved the world as to give his 
 only-begotten Son — the infinite holiness of God, which could 
 be satisfied with nothing less than a perfect atonement — the 
 infinite worth of an immortal soul : and there must be an en- 
 tire submission of the heart to God's way of salvation. The 
 obstruction which the doctrine of the cross meets with in the 
 human heart, should be an evidence of the truth of the Gospel : 
 for it has been the same in all ages. Yet there is no other 
 name by which we may be saved — no other price but the blood 
 of Christ — no other plea which a sinner dare plead before God. 
 What a poor beggarly thing is moral virtue to stand before 
 God with : Let us not stumble at this consecrated path : rather 
 let us say with the Apostle, " God forbid that 1 should glory, 
 save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." 
 
 Let us learn the necessity of simplicity of principle, and un- 
 limited subjection. Are we ^oith him? Are we trusting to 
 his cross ? Are we looking to his word ? Are we his disci- 
 ples indeed? Has Christ spoken? Is He to teach us, or we 
 Him ? His religion consists in " casting down imaginations." 
 Let us say with Peter, " Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou 
 hast the words of eternal life." Neutrality in religion is actual 
 
 OPPOSITION. 
 
 ON PARTIAL REPENTANCE. 
 
 They return, but not to the Most High : they are like a de- 
 ceifful bow. — Hosea vii. 16. 
 
 Nothing but the grace of God is sufficient to convert a soul. 
 Afflictions and favours may have their efl^ects ; but the affec- 
 tions which they excite will soon subside: the reformation will 
 be partial ; and some favourite sin retained. 
 
ON PARTIAL REPENTANCE. 443 
 
 We learn from this passage that there is a repentance unto 
 life and a repentance not unto life. Tliis last is the repentance 
 of the self-deceiver: he returns, from gross sins and utter ne- 
 glect of duty, to an attendance on ordinances, for which he will 
 begin to show a degree of reverence : and he will return, in 
 some measure, to secret duties; at times offering, even in his 
 closet, the sacrifices of prayer and praise. lie will determine 
 to change his course of Wi'e, and to walk circumspectly ; but 
 this he will only accomplish for a season. Herod, who heard 
 John gladly, seems to have experienced such a change. 
 
 A reformation like this may, to an ignorant person, appear 
 sufficient ; yet all this may be done without returning to the 
 Most High. The self-deceiver is not really sensible of the puri- 
 ty and holiness of God, or he would humble himself and cry out, 
 *' Unclean, unclean !" But he never comes in this way ; and, 
 as he feels no true humiliation, so neither does he feel any true 
 submission : for had he a right view of the sovereignty of God, 
 he would say — " I will bear the reproach of my youlh." But 
 he is more desirous of having the affliction removed than of 
 his heart purified ; and he would rather prescribe than submit. 
 He comes with no humble confidence to the Most High ; and 
 if he returns not to God, as God, he returns not at all. The 
 Lord is a jealous God, and requireth truth in the inward parts : 
 he looketh to the heart : and he expects the sinner to approach 
 with suitable impressions. " If 1 am a Father where is my 
 honour?" He sees through all veils. 
 
 Consider next the comparison used in the text — a deceitfvl 
 bow. A bow is used for the purpose of sending arrows to the 
 mark to which the archer designed them. If the bow be bent, and 
 out of order, the arrows will either go on one side, or fall short 
 of the mark. This will illustrate the character of the self-de- 
 ceiver ; he professes to turn to God : but he goes beside the 
 mark, or falls short of it. See the same comparison used 
 Psalm Ixxviii. " They were turned aside like a deceitful bow." 
 What then is a real return to God? It is such a return, as 
 brings us to a state of acceptance with, and rest in, God : and 
 the only possible way of obtaining this, is in and through 
 Christ. We must go immediately to Him, and placing our 
 hope only in Him. The soul can only rest in God as a cove- 
 nant-God, and this is the object at which the true penitent 
 aims. But the self-deceiver comes trusting in some good act 
 of his own, mixed and blended with the merits of Christ : he 
 thinks that he must prepare himself for Christ, instead of com- 
 ing to him for every grace. So it appeared strange to Naa- 
 
444 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 man when the prophet said, " Wash, and be clean." Thus, 
 to bid a sinner believe, seems to be setting aside good works: 
 though God himself says there is no other way which so hon- 
 ours him, and which so effectually produces obedience. 
 
 But the self-deceiver objects. He may profess to direct his 
 endeavours aright ; but he shoots with a deceitful bow, and 
 comes short of the mark which ho professes to aim at — namely, 
 acceptance: the arrow falls at his very feet : he does not attain 
 to acceptance, or rest in God : he rests in his duties, and goes 
 nofurlher: all he desires is to satisfy conscience, and therefore 
 performs certain duties; but never thinks of enjoying God in 
 them, nor feels himself restless till God dwells in him, and he 
 in God. He does not see, that with all these services he is al- 
 together vile. 
 
 There are in this day many who have a name to live. Let 
 such, then, as are returning to God, take heed that they be not 
 deceived. Self-love blinds the eyes : and a mistake in this 
 matter is soon made, but not soon redressed. It is a solid, 
 abiding enjoyment of God to which you are to return — taking 
 Him, in Christ, for your portion, and your all, for time and 
 eternity. Do not ?cst till you can say, "O God thou art my 
 God," There is not rest for the sinner but in the true Ark, 
 the Lord Jesus Christ. What we all want is Christ : on him 
 we must live : never be satisfied with any duty where you do 
 not meet and see Christ; and till you can say, "The life I 
 now live in the flesh, I live by I he faith of the Son of God." 
 There is no other subject worthy of our thoughts ; and there- 
 fore it is, that advanced Christians dwell on very little else; 
 for as a man enters into living views of Christ, the world be- 
 comes crucified to him, and he to the world. 
 
 ON CHRISTIAN STEADFASTNESS. 
 
 Cast not away therefore yovr confdence^ which hath great 
 recompence of reward. — Heb. x. 36. 
 
 The main device of Satan is to loosen the Christian from 
 his hold — no matter how, whether by flesh and blood being 
 
ON CHRISTIAN STEADFASTNESS. 445 
 
 counsellors, or by false doctrines, or by evil company, or by 
 getting on some enchanted ground, so that he may be beguiled 
 as the serpent beguiled Eve : any thing, so he may but succeed 
 in weakening his confidence. In this way, dreadful havoc has 
 been made in many a believer's conscience. 
 
 Satan is an old sophist, and therefore we need not be curious 
 to know all that he has to say against the truth. In such a 
 day as the present, we must turn away our ears from vain 
 speculations. And if our confidence is already shaken, and 
 the breath of poison //.as entered at all into our minds, let us 
 carry it to Christ, according to the example of St. Paul. 
 
 Let every Christian beware how he casts away a dear- 
 bought experience. 
 
 Cast not away your confidence — that is, your shield : Con- 
 sider, how it has defended you already ; call to mind, how that 
 after ye were illuminated, what a fight of afliictions ye en- 
 dured; and yet, the wounds never entered your vitals, to de- 
 stroy you. Suffering never injures: but, consider, the dreadful 
 alternative of losing your shield ! See Heb. x. 29. 
 
 Men cast away their confidence, when they take flesh and 
 blood into their council. St. Paul was aware of this danger: 
 (See Gal. i. 15.) " When it pleased God, who separated me 
 from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace, to re- 
 veal his Son in me; immediately, I conferred not with fiesh 
 and blood." But Israel, when they found difficulties in the 
 way, remembered the flesh-pots in Egypt. See Exod. xvi. 
 
 When the principles of our faith have laid hold o^ oux judg- 
 ments, affections and habits, then will our profession be 
 steadfast. 
 
 There are occasions when the real believer may for a time 
 waver; either from temptation, or from some new opinion or 
 sentiment, or from some bias of the affections. But suppose this 
 to bo the case for a season, yet enquire, Is not the bent of your 
 soul after Christ? when your judgment is attacked, yet are not 
 vour affections still fixed ? or if your affections are under any 
 bias, does not your judgment say, "Lord to whom shall we 
 go! " It seldom happens, in a true character, that the judg- 
 ment and the affections are both shaken at once ; one or the 
 other generally remains firm. This may serve to encourage 
 the timid believer, who is no hypocrite, although he may have 
 been assaulted by temptation. 
 
 A believer should beware how he makes unfnvourahlc con- 
 clusions against himself, when he has fallen, by ihe devices of 
 the enemy, into some sinful snare. Satan then comes in with 
 38 
 
446 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 a flood of hard despairing thoughts, and suggests to us, — That 
 we never had any grace — that we have been deceiving our- 
 selves — that if we had ever been God's children, he would not 
 have suffered our feet thus to have been taken in the snare : 
 or, that if we have had any degree of grace, it is so small, and 
 we are so apt to err, that we shall be continually falling, and 
 never hold out : and, therefore, that we may as well give up 
 our Christian hope and profession, and turn back to the world 
 altogether—for religious people will never put any confidence 
 in us, but will consider us only as pretenders. But God for- 
 bid that any one should reason thus : this is just as the devil 
 would have it. No ! Let us, when every thing is against us — 
 facts and friends — let us go, like Peter, and make our appeal 
 to Him from whom no secret is hid; and He will give us 
 tokens of his forgiving love ; and, in due time, clear up our 
 characters to others. The relation which subsists between God 
 and his children is a strong ground of confidence. God is a 
 Father; and "as a faiher pitieth his children, so the Lord 
 pitieth them that fear him." 
 
 Perseverance and reward are inseparable. Cast not away 
 your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. 
 Has a man, then, any claim because he has trusted God 1 He 
 has a claim upon the faithfulness of God ; and the more he 
 pleads his claim, the more he thereby honours God. 
 
 That grace which begins the good work — which enables the 
 soldier to fight— the racer to run— will, one day, crown the 
 work v/hich it begins. The grand object which the Christian 
 soldier keeps his eye upon, is that " crown of glory which 
 fadeth not away." There is also a present reward— there is 
 " the peace of God which passeth all understanding," which, 
 through all events, keeps our hearts and minds as in a garrison. 
 
 Some of the most ignorant, as well as the most wicked, per- 
 sons will say — " I always had confidence in God — I always 
 did trust Him. But beware of a counterfeit here : they that 
 always trusted, it is to be feared never trusted. To trust 
 rightly is to expect, upon the ground of God's perfections and 
 promises, that he will do for us in all circumstances that which 
 is wisest and best— that which is most for his own glory and 
 our good. It is not the blind confidence of the ignorant, 
 nor the presumptuous confidence of the proud and wicked: we 
 must know God through Christ, and as reconciled to us through 
 Him. We shall then see how the Divine perfections are 
 calculated to inspire confidence. " They that know thy name 
 will trust in thee." 
 
THE CHRISTIAN TRAVELLER. 447 
 
 That confidence is vain and delusive, to which God does not 
 set his seal. The confidence spoken of by the apostle, is one 
 well grounded, and is the same with that mentioned, verse 15; 
 " Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without waver- 
 ing;" and with that which, in verse 19, is called " boldness to 
 enter into the holiest by the blood of Christ:" courage to en- 
 dure hardships, as good soldiers of Jesus Christ, and confidence 
 to go as children to a Father, laying hold of a promise which 
 cannot be broken. 
 
 Those who have long made a profession should shew that 
 they are no more children. Let not those who ought to be 
 teachers, have to learn what are the first principles ; but let 
 them endeavour to retain their first love in its simplicity and 
 ardour. The wisdom of a Christian, is simplicity of aim, and 
 simplicity of dependence. 
 
 THE CHRISTIAN TRAVELLER. 
 
 For here have we no continuing city, bid ive seek one fo come. 
 Heb. xiii. 14. 
 
 The grand reason for going <' without the camp," bearing 
 the reproach of Christ, is because we want a more abiding city 
 than this world affords. All Christians arc pilgrims : this world 
 affords them no resting place — no tower of safety — no true 
 shelter. 
 
 When the world has shewn all its glory — one mortifying 
 question makes it sicken and fade, namely, — How long will it 
 last ? 
 
 While the splendour and afllucnce of a great city, like this, 
 strikes the eye of every beholder, a Christian weeps over it, as 
 the prophet did over Babylon. 
 
 The philosopher, the poet, the moralist, all allow that " the 
 world passcth away :" but it is only the true believer who acts 
 upon this truth. All allow the A\ct, but he alone lakes it up 
 practically ; and declares by his conduct and conversation, 
 that here there is no continuing city. He therefore goes 
 through the world like a traveller ; and as he passes on, he 
 casts a look of observation on the things around him : but his 
 
448 FRAGMENTS, ETC. 
 
 heart and affections arc not set on them. He is content with 
 what he meets with in his way, knowing that if the road be 
 painful, the journey is short and the end is sure. " For we 
 know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dis- 
 solved, we have a building of God, a house not made with 
 hands, eternal in the heavens." 
 
 The Bible is our directory through this perishing world. In 
 it we trace the footsteps of the flock — in it are set up way- 
 marks, to warn us when we come near danger; and as we 
 travel on, light and strength are afforded us sufficient for our 
 journey. The Holy Ghost shall take of the things of Christ, 
 and shew them unto us. 
 
 It is not enough to tumble over the leaves of our Bible— it 
 is not enough to 'talk of the greatness of the promises— unless 
 we know what part and lot we have in them. 
 
 What steps does a Christian take, who says he has no abid- 
 ing city herel He seeks one to come : he does not only talk 
 ab'out it, and inquire after it, but he seeks it. Two men sit 
 down and converse about a certain place — the distance — the 
 nature of the road, &c., and yet never lake one step towards 
 it. But, observe, religion is a seeking — a setting out — a trav- 
 elling. 
 
 We have warning every day of the truth of the Apostle's 
 assertion — We have here no continuing city. 
 
 But we seek one to come. The eye of faith can see out of 
 this dark world into a brighter : it has a glorious prospect 
 opened ; and looks, as Abraham did, for a " city that hath 
 foundations, whose builder and maker is God." See what a 
 Christian, even in this world can discover! When God gives 
 a man eyes to behold the glorious things prepared for him in a 
 better world, he is often ready to say, (though a poor afllicted 
 sojourner in this,) "Lord, now let thy servant depart in peace 
 — for mine eyes have seen thy salvation." 
 
 While every man is in pursuit after something, it is the 
 Christian only who is pursuing solid good. 
 
 A Christian's seeking a city, does not imply that he travels 
 in the greatness of his strength— or that he has a smooth road : 
 but, it implies that he is in earnest about seeking it — that he 
 considers there is nothing else which can be put in competition 
 with it : the language of his heart is— God hath given me great 
 and precious promises of a glorious kingdom, and haih drawn 
 my heart towards it : and shall I stay in the plain ? I would fain 
 sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of 
 heaven : then " all tears shall be wiped away." 
 
THE CHRISTIAN TRAVELLER. 449 
 
 A Christian doth not turn his back upon the fine things of 
 this world, because he has no natural capacity to enjoy them 
 — no taste for them — but, because the Holy Spirit hath shewn 
 him greater and better things : lie wants flowers that will never 
 fade — he wants something that he can take with him into an- 
 other world. He is like a man who hath had notice to quit his 
 house, and having secured a new one, he is no more anxious to 
 repair, much less to embellish and beautify the old one — his 
 thoughts are upon the removal. If you hear him converse, 
 it is upon the house to which he is going : thither he is sending 
 his goods: thus he declares plainly, what he is seeking. 
 
 Christians who profess to seek a city to come, should de- 
 monstrate it by their conduct. If our conversation and hearts 
 are worldly and vain, it matters but little what our profes- 
 sion is. 
 
 A Christian should remember he is not at home: he is only 
 at an Inn, and therefore he should not be nice about the ac- 
 commodation — the treatment he meets with. If we have trou- 
 bles, distresses, stripping dispensations, let ihem be as a me- 
 mento that we are not at home in this world. 
 
 Where religion is not, there is little to be found but envy, 
 discontent, and dissatisfaction : a grasping after something 
 greater, something higher, an eager pursuit after trifles. The 
 child is not more delighted with its toys, than its father is with 
 his fine house and large estate. All have their baubles. 
 
 Whatever this world can give, it can ne\'Q\' u^we contentment ,• 
 even when the heart has as much as it can wish, the thought 
 of how soon it must be left, dims all its glory. 
 
 How guilty a state is that man in, who while he knows there 
 is here no continuing city — yet prefers perishing in it, to seek- 
 ing one above ! This is not a mere spirit of carelessness, but 
 it implies contempt — he will pay more attention to the meanest 
 of his fellow-creatures, than to the grandest proposal made to 
 him by God. 
 
 True pilgrims have no hope of entering the heavenly city, 
 but through the blood of Christ. 
 
 Since Ihe Christian traveller must persevere to the end, 
 whatever be the road or the weather, however rougii or dreary 
 — for it is only he that endurelh to the end who shall receive 
 the crown; let him look to the cloud of witnesses who have 
 gone before, and see how they were led ; and let him stand 
 upon the same ground, leaning upon the same arm, and rejoic- 
 ing in the full assurance of hope that he also shall come ofl'a 
 conqueror. 
 
 38* 
 
Hewavfes on bavfous .Sutiects- 
 
 ON CHRISTIAN HOPE. 
 
 We are saved by hope. — Rom. viii. 24. 
 
 The apostle is here speaking of the vanity brought upon the 
 creation by sin. — We are stripped o[ all ; — but " we are saved 
 by hope.^^ 
 
 Faith and hope differ very little except in the aspect of them : 
 they each have reference to something not seen. The hope of 
 the enthusiast is nothing but fancy : the hope of a worldly man 
 is a lie — the mere bait of the devil. To all this the apostle 
 opposes a Christian Hope. What does this hope do? Wait, 
 in a constant expectation of attaining its object. If a man is to 
 pay my debt on a certain day, I meet that man accordingly, 
 in belief of his word : but until that time, I hope for it. 
 
 Faith is that which lays hold upon the promise as a ground 
 of expectation; Hope is waiting for the fuljilment. Hope 
 therefore lies at anchor in the storm, and says, " Let the bil- 
 lows beat, — they will soon cease to rage; my deliverance is 
 sure." Hope remains quiet amidst the ruins that are around, 
 and even amidst those that are within ; and says, notwithstand- 
 ing all, there is a door of hope, in looking not at the things 
 which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. " We 
 reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy 
 to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us." 
 We are candidates for glory ; our eye is upon it ; and our 
 hope waits for it. 
 
 Now what is being " saved by hope " ? 
 
 The Scripture holds forth both terror and consolation. It 
 says to the righteous, " it shall be well with him," — well be- 
 yond all conception : but it also says to the wicked, it shall be 
 
OS CHRISTIAN HOPE. 451 
 
 ill with him. Salvation refers not only to future rewards, but 
 to deliverance from present troubles ; therefore you narrow the 
 ground by only hoping for something. y"^/^i/re. For instance, 
 Moses was brought up at Pharaoh's court, — but he was saved 
 from the blandishments, allurements, and snares of the Egyp- 
 tian court by hope. 
 
 Thus every believer purifies himself by hope; or by a more 
 valuable consideration, which enables him to abstain. What- 
 ever philosophers may say, I never knew any one saved from 
 the temptations of this present world, — but by the Christian 
 hope. Lectures on philosophy, to prove that "virtue is better 
 than vice," will not accomplish it. 
 
 But you ask, " How far will necessity do it ? " I answer, — 
 at a great distance, you may cover Windsor Castle with your 
 little finger. Mr. Wilberforce says in his book on Christianity, 
 " I do not know any consideration strong enough to keep a 
 sinner from evil, but the principle of /fo/?e." Therefore, what 
 does move him? This more valuable consideration — this 
 hope — for which Abraham, Moses, and others went on, and 
 gave up the thii7gs mt^n usually make idols of. As St. Paul 
 says, " when I was a child, I thought as a child : but when I 
 became a man, I put away childish things." All w^ho are not 
 endued with the grace of God have not put away their childish 
 things. 
 
 By this hope the Christian is saved from fatal error. He 
 has a spiritual hope on spiritual grounds ; — a certain object 
 pointed out, and also the way to obtain it. How many snares 
 have we passed through, which, upon looking back, we may 
 see we might have escaped, and been saved from, by the exer- 
 cise of hope. Without this hope, a man is the mere sport of 
 the devil, by his power over the imagination. 
 
 So with respect to afflictions ; — a Christian nnay say, these 
 are temporary trifling things, and work a far more exceeding 
 weight of glory : — but take away his hope, and he sinks ; and 
 flies to a knife, or a halter, in despair. 
 
 There is hardly any thing men have not weathered, in natu- 
 ral things, by a principle oi'hope. For instance ; — in a muti- 
 ny on board a ship, the mutineers have put the captain, and a 
 few adherents, into a boat, — with only a bag of biscuits, a com- 
 pass, and a bottle of rum ; it was calculated, that only a tea- 
 spoonful of rum and a small portion of the biscuit could be the 
 daily allowance. But on the bare portion of hope, those un- 
 fortunate seamen were contented to weather, and at length 
 
452 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 reached a Dutch settlement on the island of Timor.^ So also 
 through the whole of the Martyrology, the single principle of 
 hope saved the Martyrs from belying their consciences. This 
 saved Marolles. 
 
 The ground of a believer's hope is in every age the same. 
 (See Heb. vi. 18.) It fastens upon Christ as the chief corner- 
 stone ; it is nursed b}^ experience; (see Rom. v.) and as the 
 Christian grows older, his hope is stronger, and he gets firmer 
 footing. 
 
 The Christian hope is the purchase of Christ; and the man 
 who has communion with the Saviour enters, even now, into 
 the possession of this blessed hope, and is supported by it un- 
 der the heaviest burdens. It is one of the privileges of the 
 sons of God. By this hope^ the believer is saved from guilty 
 fears, and from the defilements of sin. For " If any man sin, 
 we have an advocate." We cannot pass one day without as- 
 sistance from this hope — of which the Scriptures liirnish many 
 astonishing instances: thus Nehemiah had formidable difficul- 
 ties, — but he prayed with faith and hope. So in the case of 
 Jacob meeting with Esau; — He might say, I can go through 
 life with a shrivelled joint: no matter; I can be " saved by 
 hope." David went as far out of the way as any man ; but 
 when God sent to him Nathan the prophet, his penitential ac- 
 knowledgments being founded on evangelical hope, — he was 
 saved. 
 
 " We are saved by hope, and we are ruined by despair. 
 Presumption is equally a state of temptation with despair. A 
 man who throws himself desperately into the sea, is not more 
 lost, than the man who falls in, and refuses the hand that is 
 stretched out to save him. 
 
 " We are saved by hope," as the soldier in battle is saved 
 by his helmet. A Christian in the exercise of hope, can look 
 steadily at death, and say, " O grave, where is thy victory?" 
 
 Hope is very properly depicted by an anchor. When the 
 
 1 This alludes to (/aplaiti BHgh, wlio, in the year 17S7, sailed from 
 England, in his Majesty's armed vessel, the Boimty, on a voyage to the 
 Society Islands, for bread-fruit trees, intended for the West India Settle- 
 ments. Returnif.g laden in 1789, while at some distance from Otaheite, 
 a part of the crew mutinied, under a sub-officer, named Fletcher Chris- 
 tian ; and put the Captain, with the loyal part of the crew, on board an 
 open boat; which, after a passage of 1200 leagues, providentially arrived 
 at a Dutch Settlement on the Island of Timor, in the Eastern Archipela- 
 go. (See Gent's. Mag. Vol. GO, page 463.) — Ed. 
 
OS CHRISTIAX HOPE. 453 
 
 seamen can do nothing else, ihcy throw out the anchor ; that 
 is, they are saved by hope. So that a man who has this 
 Scriptural hope in his heart, is, I imagine, saved ipso facto. 
 
 But there is a false hope, which is sometimes mistaken for 
 the true. Look at Simon Stylites on his pillar: look at the 
 pope prostrating himself with his cardinals : they are perhaps 
 contemplating mischief while they are kneeling down : grace 
 is not in their hearts: it is all a farce. You may compel a 
 man ! but this is only like pushing a dead corpse into form : 
 you cannot make it receive life. 
 
 Ti'ue hope is the confident expectation of something which 
 faith has given God credit for ; and in this point of view, it may 
 be distinguished from presumption, — because there is a foun- 
 dation for it to build upon. 
 
 If our hope be 7^cal, it will be fried ; and the value of it will 
 be known when the emptiness of all other things is discovered. 
 The disciples did not apply to Christ till they were ready to 
 sink. This is a strong picture of the way of us all. We have 
 recourse to every thing ehefrst: the man who brought his 
 son to Christ, felt it was the last expedient ; he was " saved by 
 hope." 
 
 But a doubt sometimes comes across the mind of a person, 
 with regard to the attainment of this hope. If I hold out a 
 piece of money to a beggar, he takes it for granted that I mean 
 to give it to him. It never enters into his head that sometimes 
 I will give alms, but it is not certain that I mean to give it by 
 holding out my hand. 
 
 Obj : — To those who say, "God is able to give me this 
 hope, and therefore it is not my fault if I do not possess it." 
 
 Ans: — There is a perverscness in human nature disposed to 
 follow the exception instead of the rule; and disposed also in- 
 geniously to invent exceptions. If there is any thing upon 
 earth which I value highly, I shall try to obtain it; otherwise 
 it is a decisive proof that I do not want it. St. Austin prayed, 
 " Lord, make me a good man, but not now.'''' 
 
 Metaphysicians cannot connect the sovereign grace of God 
 and the responsibility of man. I will not, however, go into 
 their cobwebs : I will rather plead the Act of Parliament — 
 " Why does he yet find fault?" He says lie does; therefore 
 he has a reason for it. 
 
 Both belief and unbelief are tending ultimately to one point, 
 viz. an exhibition of the truth of God. Two things are clearly 
 set forth in the Bible, namely, that man's salvation is entirely 
 
454 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 of the free grace of God, — and that his damnation is only to 
 be charged upon himself. 
 
 There never, I believe, died any one under this Dispensation, 
 that would not stand speechless before God at the day of Judg- 
 naent. None who could plead that they had not some con- 
 scienlious struggles, convictions, or feelings, — though they 
 might have slified them, — if they were only derived, as Hope- 
 ful says in John Bunyari's Pilgrim's Progress, y^/*o??i the toll of 
 a bell. 
 
 From all this a corollary arises, viz. That despair is a 
 damning sin ; " Having no hope," said the Apostle, " and 
 without God in the world ;" that is, being without a desireybr 
 God. 
 
 ON CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 
 
 David says, in the Psalm, Come and hear, all ye that fear 
 God ; and I will declare what He hath done for my 
 soul. 
 
 It is remarkable, that there is no art or science in which ex- 
 perience is not allowed to be of great importance. In modern 
 philosophy there is scarcely any thing granted without previous 
 experience. Men of science call for it ; and if any thing is 
 proposed that is not confirmed by experience, they deny it. A 
 man who has been many years in a profession, observing ef- 
 fects, and trying experiments, expects to have some deference 
 paid to him, because he is a man of experience. Why men 
 should not pay a proper regard to a person of long experience 
 in Religion, cannot be accounted for, but in this way — that 
 every thing is impartially examined except religion : that is at 
 once stigmatized by the term enthusiasm, or fanaticism. 
 David says. Come and hear, all ye that fear God — He speaks 
 solidly : he chooses proper persons ; he does not cast his pearls 
 before swine : he chooses proper occasions : he is a regarder 
 of time as well as truth : he mixes good sense with good 
 things : he does not enter into ditRcult points of controversy : 
 
ON CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 455 
 
 but he says, Come and hear all ye that fear God, and I will 
 tell you, — not an idle imagination — but something important, — 
 somelliing that concerns you — the history of God's goodness 
 and mercy to a fellow-worm — I will declare what He hath 
 done for my soul. 
 
 A drunkard has been known to be stopping every one who 
 came in his way to tell of his " experience :" dishonest per- 
 sons, the same. Let a man talk as much as he will of free 
 grace, and Christian experience ; but does he hate sin, and 
 seek deliverance from it ? The greatest honour a bad man can 
 put upon religion is to be silent about it — but never profess it. 
 it is the greatest injury which religion can sustain when a bad 
 man sets up for a saint. 
 
 It is a happy thing when we can, like St. Paul, say to our 
 fellow Christians, " Be ye followers of me''' in the Christian 
 walk. I am in the midst of you : I challenge your notice : 
 and " mark them who walk so." Observe strictly how we 
 walk in contradistinction to those who are enemies to the cross 
 of Christ; who do profess to walk ; who wear the garb; as- 
 semble among christians, dsc, and then he distinguishes them, 
 — '' whose God is their belly ; who mind earthly things." 
 
 Sincerity is most valuable in religion, if you do not make a 
 title of it. 1 have known persons who could tell long expe- 
 riences, talk of extraordinary raptures and manifestations, 
 make high pretensions: but 1 Jiave had no comlbrt at all in 
 hearing them, but far more pain than if they had talked the 
 wildest nonsense; because of all things in the world, there is 
 nothing so distressing, or shocking as a prostitution ol" religion. 
 There has been evidently one thing lacking — sincerity — sim- 
 plicity — singleness of heart — a good character — consistency 
 — honesty; and if these be wanlmg, away with all reli- 
 gious talk and cant upon earth ! It makes me sick at heart : 
 a profane swearer is not more olfcnsive than such a man, nor 
 more hurtful to Christianity. I have known others who would 
 say but little — perhaps not very clearly discerning the things 
 which they have spoken of — who spoke very iiumbly : I have 
 seen them mean much : in their conduct, spirit and transac- 
 tions, I have seen them mean much ; and to sucii I would hold 
 out the strongest encouragements. 
 
 We must rather doubt that a person has not the grace which 
 he professes to have, than doubt whether, if he have grace, he 
 is not the better for it : for true conversion makes a person fill 
 up every relation in life better than he did before ; and if it can 
 be proved that religion does not make us more patient, more 
 
456 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 humble, and more forbearing and forgiving, more tender than 
 we formerly were, there is good ground to suspect that we 
 have it only in name. We should always be careful not to in- 
 validate our experience by our conduct. 
 
 It is a sad truth, that much harm has been done under the 
 name of Christianity ; for there have been hypocrites in the 
 church in all ages, and under all forms. But Christianity 
 cries out against every such false character ; it still keeps its 
 eye upon, and weighs actions by the only true standard — the 
 word of God. 
 
 Although an advanced stage of grace shews itself by humil- 
 ity and self-abasement, under a sense of ichat we are not, 
 rather than by any very high attainments, — yet there will be 
 a ripeness in the Iruit ; our motives will be more pure, our de- 
 pendence more simple : there will be less of self-confidence, 
 and more of teachableness, patience, and holiness : there will 
 be more lowliness and more love. 
 
 It is the duty of every man to turn back the book of his 
 past life, and see how God has taught him to go. " I taught 
 Ephraim also to go, taking them by their arms." Hosea xi. 3. 
 -' And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy 
 God led thee." Deut. vili. 2, 3. 
 
 What is the whole experience of a Christian, but to teach 
 him to look to Jesus l to raise his grovelling mind from earth 
 to heaven ? 
 
 A Christian feels, not only the necessity of going forward, 
 but of going apart — of taking time for private retirement. 
 The mere professor is to be ibund every where but in his secret 
 chamber. What is a Christian, but a man who has access 
 to God by one Spirit? A man who has divine fellowship? 
 " Truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son 
 Jesus Christ." 
 
 Learn the importance of understanding the nature of what 
 is called Christian Experience, or internal evidence. You 
 must enter into the thing, in order to enjoy it. We cannot in- 
 deed say with St. Johnr"That which we have handled and 
 seen declare we unto you : " but we can say what amounts to 
 this, namely, that we have fled to him for refuge — that we can 
 lean upon his arm through deep waters. This is a high priv- 
 ilege of human nature, that it is capable of such a friendship. 
 It i"s our happiness that we may enjoy this privilege independ- 
 ent of time and place : it may be enjoyed in a dungeon ; and 
 though interrupted, yet it returns. 
 
 In order to distinguish this from enthusiasm, enquire, is your 
 
ON CHKISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 457 
 
 experience agreeable to the Scripture? Docs it bring forth the 
 fruits of patience, faith, love ? Does it humble you^ and exalt 
 Christ? Has it a holy tendency? 
 
 The hypocrite in the church feels that the mere name of re- 
 ligion does not bring this joy and privilege, and therefore sup- 
 poses it does not exist, save in a warm imagination. No wonder 
 that such are among the number of those who go back into 
 the world, and say, " there is nothing in it! " But we deny 
 the fact : there is a knowledge of (4od in Christianity — there 
 is a sensible enjoyment of Christ — healing the corrupt spring 
 of nature, and turning the heart from its idols : and putting 
 this language into the heart, " Whom have 1 in heaven but 
 thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire in comparison 
 of thee." There must not only be knowledge, but a sensible 
 enjoyment of God before the heart will really adopt this 
 language. 
 
 God forms a man for himself by soZicZ experience. He leads 
 him on step by step, giving him fresh assurances every step of 
 the way, so that he shall know that he is in the right path : 
 like St. Paul, he shall be able to say, "1 hiow m whom 1 have 
 believed." 
 
 The nature of that assurance of hope which the Scripture 
 speaks of as attainable, which has been experienced by many 
 believers, and which all are exhorted to seek after in the me- 
 thods of God's appointment, is, by too many, much misunder- 
 stood. Perhaps many of those who say that they are so far 
 assured of their interest in the gospel salvation, as to have no 
 perplexing doubt^ may have but a very slight perception of 
 the evil of sin, of the deceilfulness of their own hearts, of the 
 force and subtility of their spirtual enemies, or of the awful 
 majesty and holiness of the great God with whom they have 
 to do. Were their minds more powerfully impressed with just 
 views on these subjects, their strongest assurances, (unless 
 their faith was likewise proportionably strengthened,) might 
 be made to totter and tremble. 
 
 Simplicity and obedience generally lead to assurance. Mr. 
 Newton remarks, " I would not give a straw for that assurance 
 that sin would not damp. If David had come from his adul- 
 tery, and talked of assurance at that time, I should have de- 
 spised his speech." 
 
 A solid experience may be estimated by its effects. It will 
 surely make us humble, spiritual, pt^aceful, and patient. Those 
 are to be pitied who talk confidenllv, as if they were out of 
 39 
 
458 KEMAKKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 the reach of doubts and fears ; while their tempers are unsanc- 
 tified, and their hearts sensibly attached to the love of the 
 present world. 
 
 ON TROUBLE AND PERPLEXITY. 
 
 The Bible is a new standard by which to measure every oc- 
 currence. Who would ever have thought of counting it all 
 joy to be afflicted, had they not learnt it from the Word of God? 
 But he who carries the cross on his back, needs the crown in 
 his eye. 
 
 Every believer has to meet real trials : therefore he should 
 be careiul to have real, vital faith, which will be sufiicient to 
 lay hold of God. God in Christ, is the rock of sinners : it is 
 so strong that it is able to protect us from all our enemies : and 
 so high as to be above them. We are led to Christ our Rock 
 by humbling dispensations. (See Rosea xiv.) No man will 
 prize the Rock like him who thinks of sinking. God says, 
 " Set your face towards the Rock, and I will undertake for the 
 billows." 
 
 The best rule a Christian can go by in dark and difficult 
 cases, is to ask, " What would Christ have done in similar cir- 
 cumstances?' And if this is not sufficient, let him further ask, 
 " What would a man do, who shuns the cross instead of tak- 
 ing it up?" And again, " What is it that calls forth self-de- 
 nial ?" These three rules will generally make any case tol- 
 erably clear. 
 
 True religion is, — " deny thyself," " take up thy cross," and 
 " follow Christ." Human nature will do anij thing but this. 
 
 There are certain seasons when it is our privilege to commit 
 our aifairs into the hands of God, and be still. " He that be- 
 lieveth shall not make haste:" that is, he shall not be in con- 
 fusion, running hither and thither as one who has no resources. 
 He shall stand still, and wait for my teaching : — not like one 
 who is insensible ; but as one who is dependent. God says, 
 Give me time, and trust, and you shall not wait in vain. 
 
 Every dark and mysterious providence is a special season 
 in which we should stand still in the way laid down. If your 
 
ON TROUBLE AND PERPLEXITY. 459 
 
 way is hedged about with thorns — if you know not where to 
 fetch your next step — yet this rule will hold good — Be still 
 and knoiv (hat I am God. Say to Him, Thy way is in the 
 sea, and thy footsteps are not known : but they may be trusted. 
 The same may be said in bereavements : we should hear God 
 speaking in that loss. 
 
 When death enters the house, we are madotosay of laughter, 
 *' it is mad ;" and to say it \\\\\\ feeling. 
 
 Satan is never more busy than when we are under the 
 greatest bereavements. He then often suggests hard and un- 
 believing thoughts of God, and would lead us to think lightly of 
 the efficacy of prayer; as though the Lord was regardless of 
 the supplications of his people, or did not hear them because 
 they had not what they asked for. 
 
 Many good people have said of laughter, " it is mad," but 
 they have not been aware that melancholy is often madness. 
 A gloomy drooping spirit is unscriptural ; and the greatest re- 
 pellant in religious exercises. Many have been disheartened 
 by it : the enemy has made use of this with great success to 
 frighten others, and to represent religion as odiovs. No man 
 has a constant source of joy but the true Christian : he only 
 has a ground on which he may rejoice evermore. 
 
 Standing stilly is sometimes found the hardest work a Chris- 
 tian has to do : therefore while v.'c stand silent before our King, 
 we stand encouraged also that we shall reign with him. He 
 endured the cross : therefore God hath highly exalted him. 
 
 ^' Enter into thy chamber till the indignation be overpast:" 
 as though God should say, " I v/ill lake the matter into my own 
 hands : I hold the scale, and the sword ; and will maintain my 
 power." 
 
 Beware how you enter into vain conjectures, and say, 
 <' This or that would be better." Rather say with Habakkuk, 
 " I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and 
 will watch to see what He shall say unto me, and what I shall 
 answer when I am reproved." 
 
 God may sometimes bring us into perplexing circumstances, 
 but we more frequently bring ourselves into them. We arc 
 allured by some shining vanity; some darling idol; till our 
 way is hedged about with thorns. 
 
 It is melancholy when men can only find out God by his 
 judgments. 
 
 As servants we are called to stand in a certain place — we 
 are called to stand waitings but expecting. 
 
 A thousand cases will occur in life in which haste will mar, 
 
460 REMARKS O^ VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 and ruin : while the man who stands still, in God's way, has 
 a prospect of making his way through the deepest waters. See 
 Exod. xiv. 13. and 2 Chron.xx. 17. 
 
 That only can ])roperly be called a depth when a man has 
 lost his comfort in God. While this remains, afflictions, losses, 
 and perplexities do not properly deserve the name of depth. A 
 gracious heart cannot rest under the displeasure of God : a 
 gracious man will always be turning to God as his anchor in 
 the lowest depths. Some of God's people are so assaulted and 
 tossed about, sc tried and afflicted, that they may be said to 
 be like persons out at sea : others :?oem to live on shore; but 
 such can form little idea of the storn. 
 
 \V^e cannot get on one step but in i rusting to our great Leader. 
 And the less sense has to build upon — the more obscure and 
 intricate our way — the more should we rest with an unlimited 
 confidence in Him who sits as a Refiner, watching over the 
 gold while it is in the fire, that none of it be lost : and while 
 He is refining, we may safely trust Him. 
 
 What a vast weight is taken off the bel lover's shoulders by 
 his leaving all consequences to God ! A Christian has done 
 with — How shall /bear this trouble? — how shall /act in this 
 difficulty? — how shall /get through these deep waters? He 
 leaves it all to God. 
 
 Most of our difficulties arise from discussing what belongs 
 to God : our business is generally allowed to be clea?' ; and 
 we may rest satisfied that His way is right. 
 
 God's way is not more obscure than our way is plain. His 
 way is in the sea, and his path in the mighty waters, i. e., un- 
 traceahle. Our way is to follow Him accordino 'o his revealed 
 will. " Thou leddest thy people like a flock:" — This truth is 
 of universal concern. 
 
 The infinite disproportion between God and us, should make 
 lis tremble at the attempt to follow him m the deep waters. 
 God giveth no account of his matters : but the believer may 
 give thanks and say, " He giveth me account of mine." 
 
 We have an account of what God is doing in general, though 
 not in par/ict/Zar. He is using divine means to a divine end. 
 
 The faith of God's people is not concerned so much with 
 his power, as with his promise ; which is made only to faith. 
 We know that God is able to do us good; and we know also 
 that He is willing, because He hath promised it. There can 
 be no faith where there is no promise; and where there is a 
 promise, there can be no presumption. 
 
 It is a very natural thing for us to say in difficulties, "There 
 
ON TROUBLE AND PERTLEXITV. 461 
 
 is but o?ie way in \vl)ich I can be bclped." But this is our 
 mistake; there arc ten thousand ways by which Ciirist can 
 help us. 
 
 It is a grand defect in the Christian hfe — that of placing the 
 Divine Arm at too great a distance from us. Faith is a per- 
 petual miracle : we do not enough mark its power and its ef- 
 fects; we do not enough realize unseen things. 
 
 God sometimes seems to say to us — " If within, and without, 
 you have ever so much cause for despondency, yet — do not 
 limit ME." 
 
 Whenever we expect special interference of God, it should 
 be in the way o^ prayer, and reminding Him of his promises: 
 for God never raises expectations to disappoint then). 
 
 Prayer is the believers universal remedy for all disorders 
 7cithin, and his invincible shield against every enemy icithout. 
 
 Frequently after God has mercifully answered the believer's 
 prayers, and his heart is ready to be lifted up, there is sent a 
 thorn in the flesh to humble him and to send him with tears and 
 cries again to Christ. " I endeavour," said a good man, " to 
 take my troubles to Him, who exchanges them for favours: 
 lie alters their quality if not their mode." 
 
 There is a time to act as well as pray ; *' Wherefore criest 
 thou to nie? — Go forward." 
 
 Let every Christian rem.ember — he is to number his difficul- 
 ties and trials among his good things : for without them, we 
 should become like Jeshurun. See Deut. xxxii. 15. 
 
 God does not grant any place upon the whole earth for a 
 believer to set his foot upon, so as to say, " Here will I rest :" 
 but says to him as He did to Abraham, " Get thee out of thy 
 country, into a land that I will shew thee." 
 
 " That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who, through 
 faith and patience, inherit the promises." Our depraved na- 
 ture wants an easier way, It cries, " Shew me an easier 
 path :" rather cry, " Shew me a safe path." There never was 
 a character who disliked the old way of going to heaven by 
 faith and patience — by the way of the cross — and found out a 
 smoother road, but matter of fact proved it was the wrong 
 way. Infirmities may sometimes make us travel slowli/, but 
 we must take heed of travelling slot/tfulli/. 
 
 Christian patience, or the grace ot" patience, is an ability to 
 suffer hard things, or heavy things, according to the will of 
 God — and in this respect differs Patience the christian grace, 
 from Patience the moral virtue. 1 Peter iv. 19. " Let them 
 that suffei** according to the will of God,' 
 39* 
 
462 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 cise patience as God would have them — " commit the keeping 
 of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator." 
 
 The fear of the Lord, and the comfort of the Koly Ghost 
 will enable a man to encounter great difficulties, and bring 
 him through dangerous temptations. Sec the history of Joseph. 
 Gen. xxxix. 9. 
 
 Past deliverances should sound loudly in our ears in present 
 trouble. 
 
 God sometimes suflers his enemies to make great prepara- 
 tion, and then shews them their folly, and disappoints their 
 pride and malice; and that often by the easiest and most sim- 
 ple methods. Paul was let down by a basket over a wall. 
 The providence of God was as much concerned in this as in 
 the miracle by which Peter was released from prison. God 
 appoints the bounds of our habitation : the house from whence 
 Paul was let down, was on the town wall : the safety of Rahab 
 depended eventually on her house being on the wall. See 
 Joshua ii. 15. 
 
 As believers we should ask a blessing on every change of 
 place and circumstances; much may depend thereon which 
 may affect us to the end of our lives. We should accustom 
 ourselves to connect God with every thing, both spiritual and 
 temporal : w^e then enter into the blessed legacy left us by our 
 master, " My peace I give unto you." 
 
 A Christian when things have gone wrong in his heart, and 
 \vith the creature, and with his God, often gets into greater 
 darkness and difficulty by endeavouring first to settle masters 
 with i\\e former, whereas he should first go to God, and then 
 every thing else would soon get into its right place. 
 
 It is one of the highest lessons in the school o^ Christ to 
 learn to deny the reports o^ sense. Christians are sufferers, to 
 teach them to look to the end, and to give God glory hy the u-ay. 
 
 There is scarcely any earthly joy which we have lasted, 
 and paid dearly for too, that has not left a sting, and cause 
 for repentance. On the contrary, we shall go to the end of 
 our lives praising God for things at which our hearts have re- 
 coiled, and under which we have trembled. What a contrast 
 is this to the sorrow of the world which workeih death ! 
 
 True religion is a blessed remedy which cures all disorders, 
 and which sanctifies both prosperity and adversity. A good 
 man in alHiction is a patient under cure ; and we can but con- 
 gratulate him though the operation may be severe. That is best 
 for a man which keeps his soul near to God, and teaches him his 
 need of w^atchfulnes, and the necessity of keeping his armour on. 
 
ON TEOUBLE AND rEKPLEXlTV. 463 
 
 This should be written on the forehead of him that has to 
 go through life, " There is a sanctuary in the order of provi- 
 dence." When the sea is raging, wait for a calm : act thus 
 through all the vicissitudes that arc constantly occurring : 
 things are stronger than we. 
 
 We are called to wait through our dispensation: we must 
 have the night as well as the morning; and it is the business 
 of the Christian to go and state the circumstances of the night 
 to Christ. We may tell him how difficult it is to call up our 
 belief, and trust simply to his promises: we can tell iiim how 
 hard the combat is with our corruptions, and how apt we arc- 
 to limit and narrow the plan of God with respect to his opera- 
 tions. 
 
 Oh that faith could tell him these things, as though we saw 
 him standing at the grave of Lazarus weeping! and as if wc 
 saw his tears drop; — remembering they did so ! 
 
 If faith and patience can send to Christ, and wait for him, 
 lie can no more refuse to come to the believer's help, than he 
 can break his own sacred word. 
 
 We may comfort a poor afllicted creature who is sitting in 
 darkness, but we cannot give him light: we cannot do Christ's 
 work. 
 
 Do we ever think of affiiclions as a land grant ? A Chris- 
 tian should take care how he gets out of God's way to escape 
 pain. See the consequences oi' such an attempt in Jonah ; and 
 when wc act like him, God will arrest us as truants in his 
 school, or else he will deal more awfully with us, and say, 
 " Ephraim is joined to idols, let him alone." 
 
 When we are in the path of duty, difficulties, so far from 
 discouraging us, ought to be considered as the trial of our 
 faith. 
 
 Under any confusion and disorder of mind, we should beg 
 of God that as he did once order and methodise chaos, so he 
 would settle and quiet our minds. He that trusts a deceitful 
 heart, and a deceitful world, is near ruin: but he that is able 
 to trust the firm word of Christ, shall lie established. 
 
 It is founded upon experience, that the Christian flourishes 
 most in storms and trials, h^-cry believer is ready to ac- 
 knowledge the danger, and often the loss^ of a long-continued 
 calm. 1 never talked to any godly man, who did not prize 
 the lessons which he had received, and the enjoyments which 
 liad been granted to him, under the severest trials; and who 
 did not consider them, as some of the choicest moments of liis 
 life. 
 
464 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. 
 
 ON THE DANGER OF GOING OUT OF THE PATH 
 OF DUTY. 
 
 What we call taking steps in life, is a most serious thing, 
 especially if there be in the naotive any portion of amhitioii. 
 *' VVherefore gaddest thou about to change thy way ? Though 
 all things work together for good to true believers, yet God 
 will visit their transgressions with a rod. " Thou wast a God 
 that forgavest them, though thou tookest vengeance of their 
 inventions." There may be things occur in our lives, for 
 which we shall smart all our lives. 
 
 It is easy to master an arrow and set it right ere the string 
 be drawn ; but when once it is shot in the air, and the flight is 
 begun, the power to command it is lost. 
 
 We should take heed of calling every thing providential : 
 sometimes things come before us as a temptation. See Jonah 
 i. 3. We should not build upon success, but rather take a 
 rule o{ right and duty. There is neither safely nor comfort 
 for a man, but in the path of duty. 
 
 We must take care not to mistake our own will for the per- 
 mission of God. Presumption often has the appearance of 
 faith : it will often attempt the same things. The event will 
 prove its false pretences. 
 
 All our actions take their value from their conformity to the 
 will of God. 
 
 It is a serious thing for a Christian to move: he should wait 
 God's call, and when he has it, attend to it ; but on no account 
 whatever go out of the path of duty. Never leave a certain 
 command for a precariovs one : see the case of the Prophet 
 slain by the lion. 1 Kings xiii. 26. 
 
 If a man will venture out without God, let his advantages 
 be what they may, he will blunder every step of the way, and 
 fall a prey to the meanest enemy. " They that observe lying 
 vanities forsake their own mercies." 
 
 Holy fear is to be cherished as much as a low servile fear 
 is to be avoided. We are never right till we can say in this 
 or that — God is in it. In God's way we may tread on scor- 
 pions and not be hurt ; but woe be to the man who thinks to go 
 out of God's way, and escape being hurt ! He must, with 
 patience, tread the same steps back again. 
 
 A good conscience is tender, and shrinks at the approach of 
 
THE DANGER OF GOING OUT OF THE PATH OF DUTY. 4G5 
 
 danger. It ventures not in the way of temptation : it is like 
 the sensitive plant : it cannot bear the very breath of the 
 wicked, if it has been overtaken in a fault, it refuses to be 
 comforted, till it is washed from its stains by " the blood of 
 sprinkling." 
 
 There is nothing more common than for God to make the 
 very person who has seduced us from the path of duty, the 
 person that shall punish us, The man who refuses to be led 
 by wisdofHj shall be given up to be led hy foil ij. 
 
 When you are tempted to step a little out of the straight 
 path, and the enemy tells you, " It is but a little one," — re- 
 collect that this little one is the budding of the root of bitterness 
 — and this root will eat as doth a canker. Our wisdom lies in 
 markino; small be";innini]!;s. 
 
 DOC 
 
 It is a melancholy truth, that frequently a man gets out of 
 the way of duty, and knows it not : nor will he be convinced 
 of it by his best friends. Nothing, but " looking to Jesus," 
 can restore such an one to a right path. 
 
 We must persevere in the path of duty although we are sure 
 to meet with nothing but contempt and scorn. It is probable 
 that the people of Jericho mocked the believing Israelites when, 
 at God's command, they were surrounding the city. 
 
 Take care how you say — This way is impassable — let me 
 go by some other. If poverty and contempt lie in your way, 
 shun them not. Attend to the teaching of the Holy Spirit. 
 Unbelief raises walls as high as those of Jericho : be not afraid, 
 nor step out of the right path to get over them : prayer, faith, 
 and patience, shall make them fall before you. The Chris- 
 tian's motto is, Watch ! Endure! Wait I we are safe in suffer- 
 ing, but not in sinning. God is all-sufficient in the time of 
 adversity as well as in prosperity. See St. Paul, 2 Cor. xii. 
 8—10. 
 
 Satan is ever tempting us to seek relief in some by-path : his 
 language is — " Enjoy the world at any rate, and listen not to 
 the calls of conscience." But our Lord's example teaches us, 
 that no extremity should lead us to seek relief out of the path 
 of duty. 
 
 When we have true grace, and true faith, we know where 
 to find relief in all extremities. 
 
 Even in the path of duty — and with our eye fixed on Christ 
 — and while simply following Him — we are liable to storms. 
 See the disciples, " Master, Master ! we perish!" If, how- 
 ever, we are not secure from trials, we are secure from harm. 
 Christ is ever nigh his people : but the eye of faith is some- 
 times clouded, that it cannot see liim. 
 
466 REMARKS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS- 
 
 Nothing is more opposed to religion than idleness. There 
 is the duty that respects the soul, the body, the family, and so= 
 ciety at large ; nor must we quit our post because of dis- 
 couragements. " VVe have toiled all night," says Peter, " and 
 have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down 
 the net." We are only safe in following infallible direction 
 — in doing as we are bid by Christ. 
 
 It is always the believer's infirmity when he cannot give 
 God unlimited confidence; and it is his weakness when he 
 trusts any where else. 
 
 Peter was " astonished at the draught of fishes ;" (See 
 Luke V. 8, 9.) It is the duty of every man to be found dili- 
 gent in his business and profession ; Christ puts honour upon 
 the path of duty. The first step to the most profitable busi- 
 ness is frequently taken in great fear and obscurity. It is the 
 pleasure of God that we should show our faith by our 
 obedience. 
 
 Men frequently enquire what is their duty, when their hearts 
 are divided. If the heart is simple, it will put a name upon 
 ten thousand things that are brought before it. Singleness and 
 principle always produce uniformity of pursuit : see the miser. 
 The schisms and separations which have arisen in the Church, 
 have arisen from the want of this simplicity of aim. 
 
 There are some sins which appear specious and plausible : 
 but these of all others the true believer most dreads — as secret 
 poison is most mischievous. 
 
 The true servant of God cares not how he is employed, if 
 he is but where God has placed him, and he is doing his duty 
 therein. His diligence is that of love, and hope, and intense 
 desire afier Christ ; an earnest seeking Him, and gratitude to 
 Him : his question is — " What shall 1 render to the Lord for all 
 his benefits?" 
 
 A christian sets out on a special warrant, and with a special 
 dependence. He walks by faith. " If thy presence go not 
 with us, carry us not up hence." It is the plan of God in all 
 his various dispensations with us to reduce us to this. Our 
 security lies in owning, and trusting our great Leader. We 
 should make it a point to advance, but we should take every 
 step according to direction. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS REMARKS. 
 
 We are often saying of this and the other person, that he is 
 by nature so amiable, that he seems to want but a step to be 
 a Christian ; and on the contrary, such and such a person is 
 so unamiable, that it seems beyond expectation for him ever to 
 become a christian. But this is imitating the Heathen, who 
 exalted Nature into a God. Human nature, in its most amiable 
 state, is low and grovelling: it knows not its Maker. " The 
 world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not." 
 Since the fall of man, whatever is good must spring up under 
 the cross. 
 
 We are often shocked at the heathen idols; but we forget 
 that the greatest idol that was ever set up, is [he human under- 
 standing ; v/hich produces fond conceptions, false notions, and 
 a thousand errors. It was the first sin of Adam, and it is found 
 to be, perhaps the most difTicult to overcome. 
 
 Man is a feeble creature, and whether in his fits of pride 
 and haughtiness he chooses it or not, he is made to feci that he 
 must lean somewhere. 
 
 A Christian is not told that he must not vse his understand- 
 ing, but that he must not trust to it, so as to make it an infalli- 
 ble guide. There are many important questions which it can- 
 not answer : it can never of itself tell how God can bo just, 
 and yet at the same time justify the sinner: it is fallacious : it 
 starts aside like a broken bow : it is corrupt and blind, proud 
 and daring, and will often call a man to lean where he ought 
 not. A wise man will not trust to another's understanding 
 more than to his own : he will not lean on human nature: he 
 knows it is a broken staff, " Whereon if a man lean, it will go 
 into his hand, and pierce it." 
 
 "In all thy ways acknowledge Him : '' (hou art encouraged 
 thereto by his stooping vei-y low to acknowledge thoe. 
 
 It is urged by Infidels, that under pretence of exalting Reve- 
 lation, we insult and trample upon reason, which also is the 
 gift of God. But they should show what is the use and ex- 
 tent of reason, and what are the subjects which fall under its 
 
468 3IISCELLANE0US REMARKS. 
 
 cognizance. Reason was made lo learn^ not to teach. What 
 the eye is to the body, reason, or understanding, is to the soul. 
 Eph. i. 18. The eye, though ever so good, cannot see with- 
 out light : reason though ever so perfect, cannot know without 
 instruction. Reason is that which knows : but instruction is 
 the cause of its knowing; and it would be as absurd to make 
 the eye give itself light because it sees by the light, as to make 
 reason instruct itself because it knows by instruction. The 
 phrase, therefore, light of reason, is improper, since reason is 
 not the light, but an organ for the light of instruction to act 
 upon. Nor do we any more derogate from the perfection of 
 reason when we affirm, it cannot laiow without instruction, 
 than we derogate from the perfection of the eye when we deny 
 it has a power of seeing in the dark. Christ alone who is the Sun 
 of Righteousness, has in him the perfection of light, even all 
 the treasures of wisdom and knowledge; and it is the office 
 of the Holy Spirit to take of the things of Christ and show 
 them unto us. The things which are above, can only be mani- 
 fested to us by the light which is above. What sort of 
 revelation would that be wherein there is no mystery, and 
 wherein nothing was told but what we might know without a 
 revelation? 
 
 While error, and unbelief lie at the root, a sneer is often the 
 sinner's best argument. See the unbelieving lord, 2 Kings vii. 
 " Behold, ye despisers, and wonder and perish." There are 
 not a few, who would rather stand beford a sicord than a 
 sneer : duels testify this. But it is the property of sound 
 judgment, to detect the difference between a sneer and an ar- 
 gument. 
 
 The iDords of his mouth were smoother than butter, hut ivar 
 was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet icere 
 they drawn swords. Of this complexion are, — the cant of hy- 
 pocrites, the charity of bigots and fanatics, the benevolence of 
 atheists, the professions of the world, the allurements of the 
 flesh, and the temptations of Satan when he appears as an 
 angel of light. 
 
 We should get a well-grounded conviction of the vanity of 
 popular opinion. "Opinion," says one, " is the queen of the 
 world." Most certainly it is a tyrant which enslaves, and, in 
 the end, destroys many. 
 
 He who lets the caprice of opinion be the rule of his actions 
 will waver in uncertainty without precision or dependence upon 
 himself. 
 
 The world does not want me, nor I it: My business is at 
 home, and in a narrow compass. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS REMARKS. 469 
 
 Never oppose great names to divine declarations. From 
 what God has done, we may collect what He will do. 
 
 As no great character should lead us to evil, so not the 
 meanest instrument should make us treat truth lightly. Rather 
 should we be willing to follow the smallest light, and use the 
 least hint ; especially should we attend to the most glimmcrincr 
 ray of truth, when it comes with divine authority. Jn so doing, 
 God will send us further illumination, till our path becomes as 
 the shining light, which shineth more and more unto the per- 
 fect day. 
 
 We are equally in danger of making others a pattern for 
 ourselves, or ourselves a pattern for others, and thus miss the 
 true standard. " Call no man Master ; neither be ye called 
 Master." 
 
 When any thing presents itself as agreeable, desirable, or 
 advantageous, always inquire, " How long will it last .?" 
 Few things can bear this mortifying question without shrink- 
 ing. 
 
 Our difficulty as fallen creatures does not consist in know- 
 ing ichat we like, but in knowing what is worth liking, and 
 how to like it. Some say, <' I know what I like:" — so does 
 the carrion crow that feeds upon a carcase. 
 
 We must not expect fine things to descend to us ; but our 
 taste must be made to ascend to them. Wisdom will not drop 
 into the mouth at every yawn. 
 
 The vanity of present things, and the weight of unseen 
 things, appear in proportion as we contemplate them. 
 
 Although in this world, our comfort and joy in the Lord is 
 but like a winter^ s sunbeam, yet from hence we can form an 
 idea of what is laid up for us in heaven; and though a poor 
 and imperfect notion of the sun is given by its faint watery 
 rays in winter, yet it is an idea which a Mind man can never 
 obtain. 
 
 One great advantage we derive from the historical parts of 
 Scripture is, that they evibo'dy doctrines. Wc may see in the 
 thief on the cross the nature of repentance. Wc here sec that 
 what the law could not do, was easily cifected by divine grace. 
 No doubt if this poor creature had been unbound, the language 
 of his heart would have been, " Let me devote hands and feet, 
 as well as heart and tongue, to thy service." 
 
 An ability and an opportunity to do good, ought to be con- 
 sidered as a call to do it. 
 
 Nothing discovers more the presence of God in the soul than 
 self-possession : it is one effect of having put on those graces 
 40 
 
470 MISCELLAJ^EOUS KE3IARKS. 
 
 described. Col. iii. 12, 14. The presence of God is a great 
 antidote to fear. Ps. cxii, 7. Isaiah xliii. 
 
 The Christian's heart, like a clock, has a continual tendency 
 to go down, and equally needs winding up again. Sabbaths 
 are good days for this purpose ; but the business must also be 
 repeated every day ; and the most advantageous time is the 
 morning, before the cares and anxieties of the day begin to in- 
 trude. There is no better way to end a truly spiritual life, 
 than daily to begin such a life. 
 
 It is but a partial view which many pious persons seem to 
 have of the church at this day with respect to its ordinances. 
 They are not satisfied if they do not individually receive some 
 help and improvements from the preacher. They do not con- 
 sider that going to church is rendering a homage to God : 
 though that ordinance may impart much good to the hearer, it 
 is rather intended as a public acknowledgement of God as a 
 Governor and Protector. Sunday is particularly set apart for 
 that consideration ; it is an opportunity for manifesting our re- 
 gard to Him, as God. Therefore there can be no excuse for 
 our not frequenting the church, because the minister is not all 
 we could wish. The children of Israel did not cease to fre- 
 quent the Tabernacle, though Hophni and Phineas adminis- 
 tered : they still made their acknowledgments. God has said, 
 " Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there 
 am I in the midst." Abraham planted a grove : perhaps it 
 was more convenient in hot countries. The sons of God pre- 
 sented themselves before the Lord : it is an act of homage : 
 the place is nothing : it is the sentiment. The Israelites came 
 only to the door of the Tabernacle, because there was no room 
 for the whole congregation. I knew a clergyman who was so 
 deaf that he could not hear, and yet would be in his pew on 
 Sundays as constant as any one. I remarked to him that I 
 thought he could not hear: he replied, that he felt it his duty 
 to attend for example's sake. There is however no general 
 position which will not meet with objections : but that is no 
 argument against it ; for the position is the same though liable 
 to objections. 
 
 " We are come to the spirits of just men made perfect," and 
 hold communion with them by our spirits. We have com- 
 munion with them in their love to God, as children of the same 
 Father — as claiming the same title — as having the same in- 
 heritance — the same blessed mansion; and we unite with them 
 in the same praises 
 
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