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 A 
 
 .A^O^ 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 OF THE 
 
 Theological Seminary, 
 
 PRINCETON, N.J. 
 
 e«s6 BV 4591 .M28 1841 
 
 Marks, Richard, 17797-1840 
 i^heif, The retrospect; or. Review 
 ^ , of providential mercies 
 
 Jiooh^_ 
 
THE 
 
 RETROSPECT; 
 
 REVIEW OF PROVIDENTIAL MERCIES 
 
 WITH ANECDOTES OF YAEIOUS CHAKACTERS. 
 
 BY ALIQUIS, r ^ 
 
 lORMKRLY A LIECTENANT IN THE ROYAL NAVY, AND NOW A MINISTER 
 IN THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH. 
 
 i\v_. 
 
 y! ■../>'-. 
 
 Here much I ruminate, as much I may. 
 
 With other views of men and manners now 
 
 Than once, and others of a life to come. Cowper. 
 
 FROM THE SEVENTEENTH LONDON EDITION. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 ROBERT CARTER, 
 
 58 CANAL STREET. 
 
 1841. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 TO 
 
 THE FIFTEENTH EDITION. 
 
 Since the first edition of this little work, the 
 writer has often been rebuked for not extending 
 his narratives of others, and has as often been 
 requested to communicate more circumstances 
 connected with himself. To these rebukes and 
 solicitations he continued to turn a deaf ear, 
 from what he now believes to be mistaken mo- 
 tives. While lately doubting these motives, he 
 cast his eyes on the title page, and read, " The Re" 
 trospect ; or, Review of Providential Mercies, t^cJ* 
 and his mind was considerably affected. Yes, 
 he said, these pages are a retrospective glance at 
 a few events which marked a limited portion of 
 my days. With gratitude and surprise I per- 
 ceive that fourteen editions of these humble tales 
 
IV PREFACE. 
 
 have gone into the world, and with sorrow and 
 confusion I have to confess, that nothing has 
 been added to the original matter. His consci- 
 ence smote him ; a voice seemed to ask, " Have 
 you, during all this period, recollected nothing 
 more of the Lord's goodness and mercy, either 
 before you embarked on the sea, or while you 
 were there ? And has nothing transpired during 
 all the years that have fled since you wound up 
 your Retrospect, worthy of being recorded to 
 the praise of the riches of divine grace ?" He 
 paused, reflected, and felt himself condemned 
 in that he had not made known some more cir- 
 cumstances connected with himself and with 
 others, as well before he embarked, and while 
 he was afloat, as since he had quitted a maritime 
 life. Under these impressions he resumed his 
 pen, and not only added various paragraphs to 
 several of the original tales, but also drew up 
 the nine additional Chapters, which in this edition 
 are numbered as I, XH, XIV, XV, XVI, XVIII, 
 XIX, XX, and XXI. 
 
 To such readers as were interested with the 
 work in its former size and limited range, it is 
 hoped and believed that this enlarged edition will 
 
PREFACE. V 
 
 prove acceptable. If, in these additional chap- 
 ters, the writer has detailed many little things 
 concerning himself, it has been, he can most 
 solemnly declare, with the view of glorifying 
 God, and of encouraging his readers to attempt 
 Buch-like duties whenever Providence may throw 
 them within their reach. That such may be the 
 result, he most sincerely prays ; while at the 
 same time he would praise and adore that con- 
 descending grace which has gone with the former 
 editions so greatly beyond all his hopes and ex- 
 pectations. 
 
 What was stated in the former preface may 
 here be repeated, namely, that the reader must 
 not look for a regular and unbroken history, 
 either of the state of the writer's mind, or of 
 all the events which made up the years under 
 review. For even in this enlarged edition the 
 chapters convey but a partial, and often an un- 
 connected account of both ; and these, not unfre- 
 quently interspersed with other matters. System 
 has never, in this work, been any part of his 
 plan, and must not be looked for by the reader. 
 His aim and desire have rather been so to con- 
 sti'uct each chapter, that of itself it might pro- 
 1* 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 duce some facts and reflections, which, by the 
 blessing of God, would exhibit proofs of the 
 mercy and kind providences of heaven as con- 
 tinually attending on, and over-ruling the events 
 of human Hfe, and all the affairs of men ; that 
 so in this, as in all things, God might be glorified 
 through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom be 
 praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. 
 
 R. M. 
 
THE 
 
 RETROSPECT 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 "foolishness 19 BOUND IN THE HEART OF A CHILD." 
 Prov. xxii. 15. 
 
 Yes, and such ^^ foolishness^^ as constitutes sin; for, be 
 it remembered, that the terms ^'- fooV and ^^ foolishness^ 
 are employed in holy writ to convey a meaning far 
 more solemn and emphatic than is now generally at- 
 tached to them. The "/ooZ" is, in fact, one who wilfully 
 disobeys or denies the authority of God ; and ^^ foolish- 
 ness" means that innate self-will, and propensity to, and 
 delight in disobedience to the divine commands, which 
 we find in the heart of every unrenewed child of Adam. 
 Hence, it is one of the great and gracious works of the 
 Holy Spirit, in regenerating mankind, to supplant this 
 "foolishness," and to make them wise unto salvation, 
 by a heart-purifying faith in Jesus Christ, a faith which 
 works by love, and constrains to a willing and unre- 
 served obedience. Thus does the rod of divine correc- 
 tion and mercy drive it out ; and no sooner is this work 
 accomplished, than the subject of so necessary and mo- 
 
8 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 mentous a transformation, stands forth a wonder unto 
 many, and still more, a wonder unto himself! From 
 an elevation in mental and spiritual attainments, he now 
 looks back on all the way the Lord hath led him, and 
 sees how, through all the days of his childhood and 
 youth, of his manhood and old age, this " folly" main- 
 tained its hold on his heart ; and now he feels, beyond 
 the power of words to express, that nothing short of in- 
 finite mercy and goodness preserved him from a thou- 
 sand destructions of body and of soul, into which " this 
 foolishness" was continually hurrying him. Through 
 all, which recollection can now bring forward of his 
 own conduct, he sees cause for humiliation and confession 
 of sin ; through all his review of the Divine proceed- 
 ings towards him in past times, he can discover nothing 
 but unmerited compassion, and unbounded goodness and 
 mercy. If ever one poor soul needed and received the 
 kind offices of those angels who are the Lord's minis-* 
 tering servants unto the heirs of salvation, he feels as- 
 sured that he himself has been that individual, and still 
 continues to be so. There are, however, some events to 
 which his recollections will turn with more than ordi- 
 nary feeling of interest ; because, in them the superin- 
 tending providence of God will be more distinctly seen 
 than in others. Such were two that occurred before I 
 embarked on the rude and dangerous ocean ; the first to 
 which I shall allude took place when I was quite a lad. 
 From my earliest days I had felt a strong partiality 
 for the water, for boisterous sports, and exploits with 
 gunpowder, and, in short, for deeds of thoughtless mis- 
 chief and dangerous enterprize. In these things I 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 9 
 
 reaped my harvest of what headstrong boys term happi- 
 ness ; and in these pursuits my life was so frequently 
 brought to the very edge of destruction, that, in the 
 retrospect, I am truly astonished at the unwearied and 
 ever watchful care of that God whose hand I then saw 
 not, and whose goodness and mercy were alike unfelt 
 and unknown. It was in the evening of a fine summer 
 day, when an elderly matron aunt, who at that time was 
 superintending the affairs of our family in the absence 
 of that kind and beloved mother whom we had lately 
 followed to the grave, invited myself and a younger bro- 
 ther to walk out for the enjoyment of the air. As we 
 had no rivers in our part of the country, our only 
 bathing places were two large sheets of water, or ponds, 
 in the fields. Our excursion that evening led into an 
 inclosure, whose distant extremity bordered on the lar- 
 gest of these two favourite places ; the temptation was a 
 powerful one, and my heart yielded so readily, that in 
 defiance of threats and invitations, I ran off, and, al- 
 though none of my companions or any individual were 
 there, I stript and entered the water. I could not 
 swim; but I seldom had visited these places of 
 amusement without going chin-deep into them, a thing I 
 had often done in this very water, but then it had always 
 been on the opposite side. My thoughtlessness and 
 blindness to danger took for granted, that as I hitherto 
 had received no harm, I should encounter none for the 
 time to come. And of one serious fact I was then en- 
 tirely ignorant, and there was none present to inform 
 me, namely, that a few years ago the pond had been 
 laid dry, and a great deepening made on this side by 
 
10 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 digging" gravel. As majr aunt and brother had been 
 unable to retain me with them, they proceeded to walk 
 across the field, and arrived at the margin of the water 
 just in time to hear me cry out for help, and to see me 
 go down. The truth is, I had but for a short time en- 
 joyed the fruits of my ^'- foolishness,^^ before I stumbled 
 into the deep gravel pits, and was quickly out of sight. 
 What the feelings of the standers by were I cannot 
 realize ; but I have, at this hour, a tolerable recollection 
 of my own convulsive struggles, of the state of suffoca- 
 tion I endured, of the general confusion, as well as of 
 the few distinct thoughts which preyed on the mind, 
 though I cannot convey the import of these recollections 
 to another person ; nor need any one regret his inability 
 to realize them. I can only say, that what I then felt 
 and feared, have, on many subsequent occasions, much 
 increased the agonies of my mind while commiserating 
 others whom I have seen struggling, sinking, and dying 
 in the briny deep, without being able to afford them any 
 assistance. 
 
 As far as my observations have gone, it seems, that 
 persons in deep water, under circumstances any way 
 similar to mine, do generally, in the convulsive strug- 
 gles of suffocation, come to the surface two or three 
 times, never oftener, and frequently not so often. In 
 my struggling, after first going down, I rose for a few 
 seconds, and then sunk, and rose again ; and again I 
 went down, and once more I appeared at the surface ! 
 During this short and awful period, my brother, who 
 was naturally timid and irresolute, seemed to be inspired 
 with a new nature and wisdom beyond his age, and 
 
THE RETROSPECT. t\ 
 
 former self; so that, instead of being paralyzed or fran- 
 tic with what quite overpowered my aunt, he flew to 
 that part of the bank nearest to which I had last ap- 
 peared, and holding on with one hand by some branches 
 of a dwarf tree, he threw his body, as far as possible, 
 over the pond, if peradventure I might come up again 
 within his reach. Scarcely had he thus taken his stand, 
 than I came, for the third time, to the surface, and, un- 
 conscious of his situation, I threw my arm involunta- 
 rily, and at full stretch, in a direct line towards his, 
 which was already extended to its full length ; by this 
 means he was just enabled to grasp my wrist, to drag 
 my head above water, and eventually to get me on dry 
 ground, in a state of as much exhaustion as was possi- 
 ble to sustain, with the preservation of the senses and 
 recollection. Thus did a kind and gracious Providence 
 snatch me from a watery grave in my very youth, and 
 make it evident to every reflecting believer in holy writ, 
 that it loas His work. I have never thought of this 
 event for many years past, without seeing the finger of 
 God in all its parts. The conduct of my brother on 
 this occasion was altogether above himself; and then, 
 had I not come up where I actually did, and thrown out 
 the arm exactly where I involuntarily extended it, I 
 must have gone down, and in a few seconds more have 
 rested my poor perishing frame on the deep gravel bot- 
 tom, in all the quietude of death ; while the soul, un- 
 taught and uninterested in that Holy Name whereby 
 alone man can be saved, would have returned unto God 
 who gave it, to give an account of all the deeds done in 
 the body. 
 
12 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 The second providential deliverance I shall now re- 
 fer to, was an hair-breadth escape from being shot. This 
 occurred about two years before I went to sea. As guns 
 and gunpowder, and every thing connected with them, 
 had, as before observed, from my earliest days, been 
 ranked by me among the most desirable acquisitions on 
 earth, I could not rest satisfied until I was possessed of 
 a fowling-piece, and all the materials necessary to kill 
 whatever I considered lawful to destroy, as often as such 
 should come in my way. All this I was, however, 
 obh'ged to keep secret from those who held authority 
 and controul over me, because none of them would con- 
 sent to my using, much less possessing a gun. I knew 
 their feelings too well on this subject to make the re- 
 quest, and I disregarded them sufficiently to set every 
 wish and command at defiance, provided I could but 
 disobey with impunity. Hence, when I could make 
 the purchase without detection, I did so, and proceeded 
 in the clandestine use of it. Perhaps, at that time, there 
 were few creatures more reckless of danger, or more 
 thoughtless of the consequences of actions, than myself 
 As one proof, I almost always kept my gun loaded with 
 a frightful overcharge, and hid away in the spare stall 
 in the stable among the dry straw, from whence I re- 
 moved it by stealth, as often as the temptation to fire, 
 and some game came in my way. On one of these 
 occasions, I had sharply pecked the flint, reprimed the 
 piece, and was hastening out to delight my ^^ foolish 
 heart^^ at the expense of the sufferings and death of 
 some poor little innocent birds in the adjoining meadow, 
 when my gun went off of itself By way of getting 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 13 
 
 out of the stable without the piece being observed, I had 
 placed it under my coat, and strange to say, with the 
 butt end downwards, and the muzzle a little above the 
 grasp of the shoulder joint of the left arm ; in this way 
 I had nearly got out, when the discharge took place. 
 Whether I had left the piece cocked, or whether I 
 struck the lock against the door or door-post, I know 
 not ; but one thing I did then know, and do now most 
 distinctly remember, that the violence of the explosion, 
 and the nearness of it to my head, both stunned and 
 greatly alarmed me ; while it inflicted an injury on the 
 organs of the left ear, from which they have never 
 wholly recovered. I had no hat on at that time, or a 
 portion of it must have been shot away ; as it was, the 
 contents of the piece cut a four inch square rafter nearly 
 in two directly over my head, while these missiles of 
 death were in mercy carried a very, very little way 
 from the side of the head itself This event had the 
 momentary effect of inducing me to sell my gun, and to 
 make a resolution to have no more to do with fire-arms. 
 And so had my narrow escape from being drowned 
 produced, at that time, a like momentary resolution to 
 avoid the water in future ; but so far from my ^^ foolish 
 heart^ being bound and stayed to these purposes by such 
 self-formed determinations, I broke through them all as 
 far as possible ; and soon after this last providential es- 
 cape, I began to take greater delight than ever in hear- 
 ing and reading of storms, of shipwrecks, and battles ; 
 and the more I heard and read of these things, the more 
 I longed to become experimentally acquainted with 
 them. Added to this, the same foolish heart had formed 
 2 
 
14 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and fondly cherished the wildest ideas of happiness at 
 sea ! Many were the ruffs, and buffs, and corrections, 
 which my wayward conduct procured me; and under 
 the smart of these I generally consoled myself with the 
 thought, that if I should not find myself, by and by, as 
 happy as heart could wish on the land, I had nothing 
 to do but to embark on the wide ocean, and there, as a 
 matter of course, I should find all that I longed for, but 
 had not found on shore ! With such visionary expec- 
 tations my deceived heart turned me aside from the com- 
 forts and quietude of home, to embark in the navy, 
 where I traversed that ocean of supposed enjoyment far 
 and wide, but not far enough to find the happiness I 
 once dreamt of as being its every day's production, at 
 all seasons, and in all portions of the globe. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 "bless the lord, o my souLjANd forget not all 
 HIS benefits." — Psalm ciii. 2. 
 
 There are few, perhaps none, of the followers of 
 Christ, who may not find numerous occasions of lifting 
 up their eyes and hearts to heaven, and saying, from 
 time to time, " Hitherto the Lord hath helped." In- 
 deed we may confidently ask. Who is there among the 
 sons and daughters of Adam, that hath travelled the 
 journey of life for twenty or thirty years, but may look 
 back and remember numerous instances of divine good- 
 ness, manifesting itself in a way of providence and 
 grace? And are "our days, as it were, but a span 
 long ?" Surely, then, it is our duty and privilege to im- 
 prove them, and call in every auxiliary circumstance to 
 help us to apply them to spiritual wisdom. To this end 
 I would recommend my fellow Christians to make a 
 point of recording in their minds such principal events 
 as have marked, and still may mark, their course, while 
 travellers and sojourners on earth ; that so they may be 
 able to say, it was on this day the Lord delivered me 
 from such a danger, from such a snare, from such a 
 threatening storm — this was the day when the Almighty 
 proved better to me than all my fears — that was the day 
 
16 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 whereon he stretched forth his hand and saved me, and 
 set my feet upon a rock, and ordered my goings, and 
 put a new song in my mouth. Thus every month may 
 be registered, and a sort of calendar made out, to which 
 the soul may occasionally refer, and find sweet matter 
 of thanksgiving and praise. Some men's lives, it is 
 true, are chequered with more extraordinary events and 
 changes than those of others; yet the most tranquil 
 course of the most retired Christian will not be without 
 its interesting events and its memorable days ; interest- 
 ing and memorable at least to themselves, although the 
 circumstances which made them so may not furnish 
 any new or striking matter for the consideration of 
 others. But when the reverse has been the case ; when 
 the Almighty has appeared for us in any peculiar way 
 of providence or grace, then it becomes a positive duty 
 not only to record his dealings on the tablet of our 
 memory, and be thankful, but on all proper occasions to 
 imitate the pious king of Israel, who exclaimed, " Come 
 hither, all ye that fear the Lord, and I will tell you 
 what he hath done for my soul." This I think may 
 often be done in our own families, and among our more 
 intimate christian friends, to the edification of all 
 present. 
 
 The return of the second of February has led me to 
 these observations, because it was on this day the tender 
 mercies of God were greatly extended towards me. It 
 is now sixteen years past, when posting down the broad 
 road of destruction, loud in blasphemy, and ever ready 
 to burlesque and condemn the Holy Scriptures, that my 
 life was spared, while several of my companions in sin 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 17 
 
 perished!* Ignorant of the world, and impatient of 
 controul, I had previously broken away from the con- 
 straint of social authority, and embarked on the great 
 deep, in pursuit of honours and fancied happiness, 
 which, as hinted in the foregoing chapter, I imagined 
 were the every day scenes of a naval life ; there, like 
 others, I had to contend with the storms and dangers of 
 an element, emblematical of the sinner's mind, never at 
 rest, and to learn at an early period of my adventures, 
 that in not a few things, 
 
 " The very wish is in possession lost." 
 
 How great the contrast between this and the day allu- 
 ded to ! Few seasons ever witnessed a more serene and 
 delightful day than this has been ; few ever beheld one 
 more tempestuous and severe than that in which our 
 ship was stranded amidst shoals of ice on a foreign 
 coast. 
 
 Methinks I now see the wreck lying on its side, and 
 hear the howling northern blast roar through the con- 
 fused and mangled tackling; methinks I now see the 
 crew leaving this untenable abode, and betaking them- 
 selves to the rugged field of ice and snow with which 
 we were surrounded ! Memory again presents in full 
 view all the dismal severities of that afternoon, when 
 fifteen of my companions perished from the effects of 
 cold in the space of three hours. It brings before me 
 
 * This date refers to the time when this paper was first written, 
 and made its appearance in The Christian Guardian, or Church 
 of England Magazine. 
 
 2* 
 
18 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the gracious and visible interposition of Providence m 
 preserving not only myself, but all the first party who 
 quitted the wreck, from what would otherwise have 
 been inevitable destruction.* As it was, I seem again 
 to look over the dreary waste, and behold the scattered 
 travellers, some in little groups, others alone; some 
 growing faint, others stumbling and falling on their 
 slippery and deceitful road; some benumbed and ex- 
 
 * I shall observe, by way of note, that from the wreck we had a 
 view of a building, at a considerable distance on the shore, and for 
 this object we directed our course when we quitted the vessel. 
 But we had not gone far, ere a snow storm came on, and obscured 
 our view ; and as the wind and drift came from the very point on 
 which we had to proceed, its severity was felt to the utmost, and 
 caused us imperceptibly to edge ofl' to the right hand, and travel 
 in a direction which, if continued, would have carried us off the 
 shoal and field of ice into the sea ; or, at best, by the time we had 
 discovered our situation, it would have taken us so far from any 
 place of shelter, as to have left us to perish on the ice and snow 
 during the night. This dreadful calamity was, however, pre- 
 vented by one of our party having a pocket compass about him. 
 He had taken the bearings of the above-mentioned object previous 
 to leaving the wreck, and after some travelhng, was induced to 
 examine the course we were actually pursuing. To our surprise, 
 it was discovered how widely we were, and had been deviating 
 from the right line. This, however, enabled all but one of the 
 party to correct their march, though at the expense of many addi- 
 tional and laborious steps. The one who formed an exception 
 was an exceedingly strong man, who had outstripped us all, and 
 was too far in advance to notice our signals of recal, when we 
 altered our course ; and as the snow soon hid him from our view 
 altogether, we had no doubt but he travelled on until he either 
 fell into the sea, or found himself totally bewildered and out of 
 all reach of shelter, and perished on the ice long before the light 
 of another day. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 19 
 
 pressing their misery ; others endeavouring to cheer up 
 their spirits ; some taking their seats on massy pieces 
 of ice, and others in vain endeavouring to urge them on 
 in the prosecution of their journey. Methinks I now 
 see the gloom of that evening, and the departure of its 
 early twilight, which just lighted my weary feet to the 
 secure and friendly habitations of man ; and I seem 
 again to feel the toil and labour with which I mounted 
 the sea-guard bank that had been thrown up around the 
 walls and little domain of this timely and merciful 
 refuge. Nor is this all which the same record brings 
 before me ; it calls on me to blush with shame and con- 
 fusion of face at the recollection of my then worse than 
 brutal insensibility and hardness of heart. For I know 
 that not only then, but long afterwards, I lived as with- 
 out God in the world, having no saving scriptural 
 knowledge, no gospel hope. I w^as truly an alien from 
 the commonwealth of Israel, and a stranger to the cov- 
 enant of promise. O Lordi what shall I render unto 
 thee for thy unnumbered mercies ? How shall I, how 
 can I, sufficiently adore that forbearance and tender 
 compassion which spared and supported me through all 
 the struggles and dangers connected with this my first 
 shipwreck? Had I this day sixteen years ago been 
 numbered among those who fell, O where, where 
 would my immortal soul have now been? Where, 
 but in hell ! suffering the righteous judgments of abused 
 mercy and insulted majesty ! — beholding the felicity of 
 the redeemed and the glory of the Redeemer; but my- 
 self afar off! May I never allow the return of this 
 season to pass by without gratefully acknowledging thy 
 
20 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 goodness, and endeavouring to raise my mind to high 
 and holy contemplations on Thee, thou Triune Jeho- 
 vah, as the author of all mercies, and giver of every 
 good and perfect gift ! Should to-morrow's sun rise 
 amidst clouds and storms, and drifting hail and snow, 
 let it give me a realizing sense of the dangers I have 
 passed, and while I am experiencing the comforts of a 
 house, a home, and a fire-side, may I not forget the suf- 
 ferings, the agonizing pains of those who, at this sea- 
 son, fell to rise no more.* But especially when yonder 
 leaflless trees, groaning beneath the winter's blast, send 
 forth the hollow roar, and mimic the voice of storms at 
 sea — when the frame of my cottage trembles under the 
 pressure of sudden squalls and gusts of wind, 
 
 " When winter comes ! when polar spirits sweep 
 The darkening world, and tempest-troubled deep ! 
 When boundless snows the wither'd heath deform, 
 And the dim sun scarce wanders through the storm :" 
 
 O then may I in a more especial manner bear in my 
 mind, in my heart, and in my prayers, those multitudes 
 
 * With respect to those who fall victims to the severity of cold, 
 there can be no doubt but many of them go off without experien- 
 cing any other sensible pain or inconvenience than that of great 
 fatigue and an unconquerable drowsiness, which latter seems ra- 
 ther to relieve them from their perceptions of cold than otherwise, 
 and to dismiss the spirit apparently without a struggle. But in 
 others it is far different, as appeared in the case of more than one 
 of my departed fellow-travellers, whose drowsy fit or first sleep 
 was followed by strong and agonizing convulsions, in which 
 they beat themselves against the ice, so as greatly to disfigure their 
 persons. One poor man absolutely severed the strong bone of his 
 thumb in two between his own teeth. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 2V 
 
 who are still traversing these waters, encountering all 
 the severity of such seasons, and all the perils of the 
 deep. And O ! most gracious God ! may all thy chil- 
 dren, under all the variety of circumstances and situa- 
 tions in which they are placed, call to mind thy former 
 mercies, and laud and magnify thy holy name, until re- 
 moved from this lower, this troubled and sinful world, 
 they unite with that innumerable host around thy throne, 
 in ascribing "blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and 
 thanksgiving, and honour and power, and might, unto 
 God and the Lamb for ever and ever." 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 Matt. xxiv. 40, 41. 
 
 In the course of my earthly pilgrimage I have wit- 
 nessed many a literal fulfilment of the above prediction, 
 both by sea and land. But there was one in particular, 
 which took place on the memorable second of Februa- 
 ry, an account of which may not be unacceptable to 
 the reader. — We had two females on board our frigate. 
 The one was a robust, musculine woman, who had 
 been at sea with her husband for more than two years, 
 and consequently was inured to all the privations and 
 hardships of a maritime life : the other was an entire 
 stranger to such a mode of existence. She had never 
 been twelve hours on ship-board until the evening she 
 came off to see her husband, whom we had impressed 
 the last time we anchored in their road-stead. — Scarcely 
 had this woman, timid and full of alarm, got on our 
 decks, ere the weather became stormy, and the night set 
 in. There was now no alternative, but patiently waiting 
 for the return of day, or fairer weather. But that very 
 night, our destination to port, where we expected to 
 refit and recruit after a dismal cruise off the coast of 
 Norway, was countermanded. Some men of consid- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 23 
 
 erable political importance came on board, and we were 
 ordered to sea at an hour's notice, and our visitor was 
 thus unavoidably carried from her home and friends. 
 She was indeed with her husband (a consolation not 
 small to an affectionate wife ;) but then she was not only 
 an entire stranger to the scenes and inconveniences of 
 a ship at sea, but was in herself a very tender and deli- 
 cate woman, and, moreover, near the time of her con- 
 finement. As the weather continued rough, seasick- 
 ness, and a thousand fears, seized on her, and in the 
 course of the day she was delivered of a dead child. 
 
 Eighteen hours after this event, our ship struck the 
 ground, and was stranded, notwithstanding all the efforts 
 used to save her. Thirty hours more had barely elapsed, 
 when our poor companion was called on to travel, or 
 rather to stumble, through ice and snow ; to set her face 
 against the severity of such a storm of wind, and hail, 
 and sleet, as overcame some of the apparently strongest 
 of the crew. In short, she had to travel that journey, 
 and to endure that weather, under which fifteen perished. 
 
 Now, my reader, figure to yourself these two females 
 quitting the wreck ; and in one behold every thing of 
 hardihood, in the other every thing the reverse. What 
 would your expectations have been ? Doubtless, that 
 the former bid fair to sustain, if not to surmount, all ex- 
 isting difficulties ; that the latter must inevitably and 
 speedily sink under them. Yet the contrary happened. 
 The hale maritime character perished by the way) hav- 
 ing first had her child, a fine boy of nine months old, 
 frozen to death in her arms,) the delicate invalid endured 
 all the severities of that afternoon, held on through the 
 
24 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 journey, arrived safe and uninjured at a friendly cot- 
 tage, and for aught I know to the contrary, is still living ! 
 Should any one ask how this could be, or should he 
 inquire what assistance was rendered these females, I 
 shall briefly observe, it is not the character of British 
 seamen to shrink from danger, or pass by a friend in 
 distress. Many of the crew, indeed, were too much 
 benumbed and exhausted to afford relief to others ; yet 
 there w^re some who, feeling less oppressed in them- 
 selves, could and did stretch forth a helping hand to 
 their weaker comrades. — The two women in question 
 received much of this attention from officers and men. 
 But, alas ! the storm blew with all the severity of a 
 Siberian winter's blast, and none could shelter another 
 from its fury — it seemed to pierce the very bones and 
 the marrow ; and animal heat was almost extinguished ; 
 the blood could but slowly circulate, even in the 
 strongest ; an unconquerable degree of lassitude and 
 drowsiness seized on our unfortunate female traveller, 
 in common wdth the others who fell ; she halted, she 
 sat down, she closed her eyes, convulsions seized her, 
 and she died. If, then, we would ascertain how the 
 other was enabled to survive the hardships with which 
 she was surrounded, we must look beyond natural 
 causes and effects, even unto the will of Him whose 
 ever-watchful and over-ruling Providence numbers the 
 hairs on our heads, and suffers not a sparrow to fall to 
 the ground without his permission. We must look unto 
 Him " who ordereth all things after the counsel of his 
 own will ;" to Him whom storms and waves obey ; who 
 can deprive the intensely heated furnace of all its pow- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 25 
 
 ers to burn, and the northern frost and hail of all their 
 powers to chill and extinguish life ; to Him who, in the 
 dispensations of his providence, hath told us, that, on 
 many occasions, " One shall be taken, and the other 
 left." In so doing, we shall oft-times be compelled to 
 acknowledge the short-sightedness of man — the folly of 
 all human sagacity — the emptiness of all calculations. 
 These things may indeed perplex, and at times almost 
 confound us, especially if we suffer the mind to indulge 
 in putting the question, " Why are they so ?" But 
 wherefore should we indulge in any such idle and pre- 
 sumptuous inquiries ? Is not the Eternal Jehovah om- 
 nipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent? Can He be 
 ignorant of any passing event ? Can He lack power 
 to perform his will, or can that will be other than 
 supremely good, and just, and holy? Impossible. — 
 Then let us learn to rest all secret, deep, and undiscov- 
 ered things with Him to whom they belong, and study 
 those which are revealed. Thus shall we know all 
 necessary and essential truths, and these truths will set 
 us free from all that perplexity of error, that chaos of 
 manifold evil and confusion into which a proud un- 
 humbled speculative mind has led thousands, who, like 
 ♦heir rebellious prototypes, as described by Milton, 
 
 " Have found no end, in wand'ring mazes lost — 
 Vain wisdom all, and false philosophy !" 
 
 This life is at best a compound of many bitters, with a 
 
 few sweets — our cup contains a mingled potion, capabh 
 
 of beisg rendered more or less unpleasant as we learn 
 
 3 
 
26 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to acquiesce in all the divine will concerning us. As 
 then we would hope for, as we would desire to enjoy- 
 something like happiness on this side of heaven, let us 
 learn not to cavil at the dispensations of Him, who, be- 
 ing the judge of all the earth, and the disposer of all 
 events, must do right. If any presumptuous inquirer 
 ask us, why ten talents are given to one man, and but 
 two to another ; or why those who were first in our 
 estimation become last ; and those whom we once ex- 
 pected to be last, do evidently become first ? let us "not 
 be careful to answer them in these matters." Or if, 
 when the destroying angel goes forth in the pestilence, 
 the famine, or the sword, we are asked, why one nation 
 is singled out in preference to another ; why one indi- 
 vidual is taken and another left ? on all these occasions 
 let us direct our eyes to heaven, and with the spirit of 
 a little child, reply in the words of our blessed Re- 
 deemer, "Even so. Father, for so it seemeth good in 
 thy sight." As to the events more immediately under 
 our present consideration ; if it pleased the divine Ma- 
 jesty, by almost a miracle, to save the poor enfeebled 
 woman by way of displaying his great power and 
 goodness — to take the child in proof of his love and 
 tender compassion, and to call the strong woman in 
 token of his righteous judgments, who shall say unto 
 Him, What doest thou ? 
 
 Had the sick invalid perished, it would have been 
 considered as a matter of course, and God would not 
 have received the honour due unto his name ; and had 
 the babe survived, the same reasoning might have attri- 
 buted his preservation to the flannels with which he 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 27 
 
 was inwrapped, and not to God, with whom are the 
 issues of life and death. What is more ; had he sur- 
 vived that day he might have journeyed on through a 
 long life of sin and wretchedness, and in the end been 
 eternally lost ! But this early summons was a sure and 
 gracious removal from the evil to come. Henceforth 
 that tongue will certainly be employed in the alleluias 
 of heaven, which otherwise might have been exercised 
 through eternal ages in these fruitless and self-condem- 
 ning words, "My harvest is past, my summer is ended, 
 and I am not saved." We know the same God of pro- 
 vidence could have thus dealt with the parent, ere she 
 knew the distinction between mother and child ; but it 
 was his good pleasure to act otherwise, and for more 
 than thirty years to say unto her, Live, Whether, 
 therefore, she had given these years unto him, or to the 
 world and the flesh — whether she had laid up a treas- 
 ure in heaven, or was still cleaving to the earth ; he in 
 whose hands are the spirits of all flesh, had an undoubt- 
 ed right to call hers into his presence, to give, as at this 
 time, an account of the things done in the body. 
 
 Those happy, holy, ethereal spirits who minister to 
 man on earth, did unquestionably notice the flight of 
 these two souls to the tribunal of their Judge. Bui whe- 
 ther they saw them both seated on high, or whether 
 they beheld them conducted to different habitations, we 
 are not informed. All we know in this particular, and 
 all that concerns us to know is, that the Lord ever hath 
 judged righteous judgment, and that He ever will do 
 so ; although in this instance it should hereafter appear 
 that " one was taken and the other left" 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 "l WAS A STRANGER AND THEY TOOK ME IN." 
 MATT. XXV. 35. 
 
 I PERCEIVE the retrospective view of past days has 
 opened a wide field of matter for my mind to reflect on, 
 and for my pen to describe ; " and now I am in a strait." 
 If I allow it to proceed, I may possibly incur the charge 
 of egotism and vanity ; if I throw it by, I bury many 
 instances of the Almighty's goodness and mercy in eter- 
 nal oblivion. — Perhaps it is not either prudent or safe 
 for men to say much about themselves. At all events 
 they should be well satisfied as to their motives for so 
 doing; and these motives undoubtedly ought to be, the 
 glory of God and the edification of man. — Now, as, on 
 the whole, I trust they are mine, I am encouraged to 
 proceed. The Lord knows I have nothing to be vaia 
 of I make no pretensions to literary distinction ; but 
 while I cheerfully honour those to whom honour in this 
 respect is due, I would endeavour to improve my own 
 smaller talent, and, as a plain man, attempt the edifica- 
 tion of plain minds. My short papers are not intended 
 for, nor will they be calculated to please the light and 
 trifling reader, or to delight a refined and critical taste. 
 They will be plain and serious essays, uniformly ex- 
 hibiting the boundless goodness, and the long forbear- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 29 
 
 ance of God on the one hand, and my own sad spiritual 
 stupidity and rebellion on the other. A review of the 
 former may, through grace, arouse the dormant feel- 
 ings of my soul, ever prone to cleave unto the dust ; 
 while the latter may induce some portion of real self- 
 abasement. — If so, my little memorials will be useful to 
 myself, although they should not edify others — my own 
 soul will be profited, and God will in the result be glo- 
 rified through Jesus Christ. To this end I must once 
 more refer to the wreck noticed in the second chapter, 
 and call the reader's attention to another series of mer- 
 cies and sufferings connected with that event. 
 
 It was on a Saturday we quitted the vessel, and fled 
 (as the only possible shelter) to the small island of 
 
 , distant from the shoal on which our ship was 
 
 stranded about six miles ; this we were enabled to do 
 by the ice forming a mass from the wreck to the em- 
 bankment of the island. Within this bank five families 
 dwelt, as the sole inhabitants. The island itself was 
 separated from the main by a shallow channel, whose 
 depth in water, and extent of breadth, varied according 
 to the time of tide and the state of the weather. Now, 
 as it frequently happened, that, for several weeks during 
 winter, all intercourse between the islanders and their 
 opposite neighbours on the continent was impracticable ; 
 the former always laid in a stock of provisions before 
 that season commenced. They had done so this year, 
 and appeared amply supplied for themselves until the 
 severe weather should break up. But as our arrival 
 had added more than a hundred and fifty consumers, no 
 one will be surprised that a serious alarm was felt as to 
 3* 
 
30 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the consequence. In short, it became absolutely neces- 
 sary for all who were capable of travelling to endeavour, 
 by every means, to gain the opposite shore, from whence 
 
 the large town of C was not far distant. 
 
 On Sunday a company of men, composed of the 
 islanders and our crew, were sent to explore a passage ; 
 these returned with a very favourable report, assuring 
 us that we could walk on the ice nearly the whole way, 
 and that the part of the channel which still continued 
 open might be forded in the shallow depth of two feet 
 water. Arrangements were accordingly made to set 
 off by moonlight at four o'clock next morning; and had 
 we not delayed two hours, I think we should have found 
 things as reported. But it was six o'clock before we 
 began our march, and by that time the flood tide had 
 considerably set in, and broken up much ice, which, 
 two hours ago, was solid and stationary. We of course 
 soon^got into the water, and finding it about the depth 
 described by our guides, thought ourselves in the mid- 
 dle of the channel, and expected very soon to tread the 
 firm soil. But a quarter of an hour's walking, or rather 
 fording, without being yet in sight of the termination of 
 the water, sadly convinced us of our mistake, and half 
 an hour saw us literally surrounded by the sea on all 
 sides, our guides bewildered, and the main land undis- 
 tinguishable, from the snow and ice which floated about 
 us. — This was a dreary morning indeed ! The recol- 
 lection of it, at this distance of time, throws a sort of 
 chill into my blood. Few people are aware of the ex- 
 cessive toil of walking for any length of time in water 
 which is too deep to admit the feet above its surface ; 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 31 
 
 with us it sometimes was not more than up to the knees, 
 at others nearly breast high, but in general about two 
 feet deep. Much time had been expended before we in 
 reality came to the middle or deepest part of the chan- 
 nel ; here the stream ran with great violence, and had I 
 not been most providentially furnished with a strong 
 stick, I must have been carried off my feet, and rolled 
 down with the current. But by setting my staff firmly 
 to the right, I was enabled to resist the pressure of the 
 stream on my left ; yet when I got out of this place into 
 shallower water, I found my strength and spirits so 
 nearly exhausted, that I began to revolve in my mind 
 what must (as I thought) shortly follow, namely, a 
 miserable death in a foreign land. Nor was I the only 
 one whose thoughts foreboded evil. Some would abso- 
 lutely have given up all further exertion, had it not been 
 for the encouraging view we soon obtained of some cot- 
 tages, peeping as it were through the snow, at the dis- 
 tance of about a mile from us. There was one which 
 stood more detached than the others ; it was nearest 
 to me, and thither I directed my course, and in half 
 an hour's time was once more in safety beneath the 
 roof of a family dwelling. It consisted of two distinct 
 parts ; the one for the residence of the household, the 
 other for housing and threshing of grain. It was the 
 latter I entered, where the owner was beating out some 
 corn. By this time nature was so far exhausted, that at 
 the instant in which exertion for life ceased to be neces- 
 sary, in that instant I sunk under my fatigue and cold, 
 and fell on the straw the poor man was threshing. As- 
 tonished as he must have been at the appearance of a 
 
32 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Stranger, and more so at my conduct, I remember he 
 laid by his flail, and came and viewed me for some 
 seconds, with evident pity and surprise. He spoke, but 
 I neither understood what he said, nor could I make 
 him sensible of much which I wished to communicate ; 
 but judging from my ice-clad state, that I must be ex- 
 tremely cold, he made signs for me to go to a fire ; this, 
 however, I refrained from doing for the present, having 
 witnessed the fatal effects of such a step in others. 
 
 Before I quitted the island, I had tied a little bundle 
 (all my then worldly wealth) on my shoulder, contain- 
 ing a shirt, a pair of stockings, and a pair of woollen 
 trowsers. This bundle I had again and again endeav- 
 oured to disengage myself of, while toiling in the 
 water, but the cold had so benumbed my hands as to 
 prevent me accomplishing my desire. Vexed as I had 
 been, and angry at my little load, I now found it a 
 great mercy, that I had not succeeded in throwing it 
 away: its contents, being still dry, proved an invaluable 
 treasure. At length I made the farmer sensible that I 
 wanted it untied, and my icy clothes stripped off These 
 kind offices he soon performed, and in ten minutes time, 
 partly from my own bundle, and partly from the poor 
 farmer's wardrobe, I was dry and warm clad ; the good 
 Samaritan having previously ran in and brought a glass 
 of gin, which I drank, and found my strength and 
 spirits quickly revived. By this time the rest of the 
 family were informed of their visitor, and two elderly 
 matrons came and gazed on me for some minutes with- 
 out speaking. Perhaps they had sons who had left 
 them, and, as they seemed to think, might be as forlorn 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 33 
 
 in some distant land as I appeared to be in theirs. 
 There certainly was much parental kindness, and a 
 portion of grief in their countenances. 
 
 These kind women took me from the threshing-floor 
 into their sitting-room, brought me a little more gin,* 
 and then hastened to get ready some dried beef and 
 coffee, all of which I partook of with the family. It 
 was nine o'clock when I arrived at this friendly asylum, 
 so that it appeared I had been nearly two hours in the 
 water. Being the only person who sought refuge here, 
 I partook of the undivided kindness and attention of all 
 the household, with whom I remained till three in the 
 
 * The pernicious effects of ardent spirits were not at that time 
 so well understood as they are now, either by myself or the public. 
 I am now quite certain that a cup of hot coffee would have been 
 far more beneficial than this gin, even within doors, and infinitely 
 more so when exposed to a storm. Before we quitted the wreck, 
 a portion of brandy had been served out for the men to drink on 
 their journey over the ice and through the snow — the effects of 
 which were most pernicious. I now speak from recollection and 
 experience ; neither I nor any other individual drank much on the 
 occasion, but what I did take, though it produced a momentary 
 glow on the stomach, and a transient animation of spirits, yet it 
 left the whole frame so weakened and wasting, that from that very 
 day, I made up my mind, never, if exposed to such circumstances 
 again, to drink any. During this second journey, which was 
 more trying than the former, we had no spirituous liquors among 
 us ; and we bore up with so much more strength as not to lose 
 one man by the way. Most thoroughly am I now convinced that 
 all men at sea and on shore, in all changes of weather and cli- 
 mate, and in all the various labours and callings of life, would do 
 well to abstain entirekj from the use of distilled spirits^ except for 
 rnedicinal purposes, 
 
34 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 afternoon ; when finding" that the whole of my compan- 
 ions had proceeded, either in carts or on foot, to C 
 I became anxious to follow. But my kind host would 
 not abate his attention, until, having accompanied me 
 the whole of the road, he saw me housed, and in the 
 midst of my shipmates. This done, he journeyed home- 
 ward, through the snow and storm of a dreary night, 
 apparently much delighted with having had an oppor- 
 tunity of administering to one in distress — of being 
 enabled to say, " He was a stranger, and I took him in." 
 Peace be unto him, and unto all his household ! May 
 the God and Father of all mercies smooth their declin- 
 ing path with many consolations, and in their last and 
 closing trial may the Redeemer's voice proclaim, 
 " Come, ye blessed children of my Father, inherit the 
 kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the 
 world." The poor tear of gratitude which now falls 
 on my paper may never be known to you, but your re- 
 ward of grace shall not fail ! 
 
 When my kind benefactor had left me, I sat down as 
 unmindful of God and his providences, as though the 
 world existed independently of him. Nay, in no one 
 part of that day had he been in any of my thoughts. 
 When a young man has " lived without God and with- 
 out Christ" on the shore, there is but little probability 
 of a moral reformation at sea. In my own case I know, 
 that from the time I first embarked, up to the period of 
 which I am now treating, I had gradually advanced in 
 contempt of the Almighty, and in the love and practice 
 of sin. For a short time I felt some scruples of con- 
 science at the horrid and prevalent vice of swearing, but 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 35 
 
 a few months entirely efTaced them: and I not only- 
 joined the blasphemer without compunction, but actu- 
 ally considered it as the mark of a high spirit, a sort of 
 necessary accomplishment. In addition to all this, I 
 shortly became acquainted with some of the most vile 
 and infamous writings that ever appeared in this king- 
 dom. The circumstance of their being prohibited only 
 served to enhance their value. I read them again and 
 again, and for hours together employed myself in 
 making extracts from them. But I have not the smallest 
 recollection, while belonging to this ship, of ever seeing 
 a Bible, though I once endeavoured to call to mind that 
 sacred volume ; not with the view of remembering and 
 applying any of its sublime and awful contents to my 
 heart, but to dress up a ludicrous account of some late 
 adventures among the midshipmen in its peculiar lan- 
 guage and solemn phraseology ! And O how vain was 
 I at the approbation which these wretched epistles met 
 with from fools like myself who made a mock at sin ! 
 With what delight did I hear them say, that I had 
 thrown in my verily verily s, and my lo and beholds^ to 
 much advantage ! Nor did all or any of the events 
 connected with this shipwreck, in the smallest degree 
 awaken my mind to serious reflection or convictions of 
 sin. Indeed, it seemed to have pleased the Almighty to 
 give me up for a season to follow the devices and desires 
 of my own blind and rebel heart, and thus to allow Sa- 
 tan to fill me with my own ways. Throughout all the 
 perils and mercies I had passed, I had neither once im- 
 plored the divine assistance, nor once returned thanks 
 for my deliverances ! No sooner had I joined my 
 
36 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 companions at C , than I lost sight of the difficulties 
 
 I had undergone. Drunkenness, oaths, and profane 
 songs, were in our assembly ; but none of us regarded 
 the works of the Lord, nor considered the operations of 
 his hands ; none inquired, Where is the Lord my de- 
 liverer and my redeemer ? 
 
 The next morning presented a melancholy spectacle, 
 similar to what had appeared the day after our first 
 journey. Several, who apparently had sustained no 
 harm by their exposure to the weather, were no sooner 
 housed beneath a warm cover, than dreadful inflama- 
 tion began to seize their hands and feet, the whole limb 
 becoming one entire blister, attended for many days 
 with all the agony of a severe burn or scald. Several 
 had been left in this state at the island, but a far greater 
 number were added to the list after our second journey. 
 1, however, escaped on both occasions entirely unhurt, 
 and on both occasions I continued entirely unmindful of 
 the goodness of the Lord ; demonstrating, by my con- 
 duct, that " madness is in the heart of man," and that 
 neither mercies nor judgments are of themselves suffi- 
 cient to humble, or even to check him in his sinful 
 course. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 "in perils in the sea." — 2 Cor. xi. 26. 
 
 Those "who go down to the sea in ships, and 
 transact their business in great waters," cannot pass 
 many days without " seeing the works of the Lord and 
 his wonders in the deep." Yet here, as on the land, 
 the merciful interpositions of his providence are oft- 
 times more visible in the preservation of one man than 
 of another, I say more visible; for there can be no 
 doubt that " the Lord is good to all, and his tender mer- 
 cies are over all his works ; there can be no doubt but 
 infinite mercy and unceasing goodness are ever in ope- 
 ration " to keep the harp of thousand strings in tune so 
 long:" whether it may inhabit a tranquil cottage, or 
 stand exposed amidst convulsive elements and conten- 
 ding fleets and armies. To this day " the sparrow falls 
 not to the ground without permission:" — "He who 
 keepeth Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps :" — "All his 
 angels are still ministering spirits, sent forth to minister 
 to those who shall be heirs of salvation." 
 
 Cowper's poor Lacemaker was as much an object of 
 
 the Lord Jehovah's superintending providence as a 
 
 Nelson or a Wellington : and every single day of her 
 
 life will hereafter appear to have been a day in which 
 
 4 
 
38 
 
 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Omnipotence preserved her from many perils; perils 
 which she was neither permitted to see nor to feel, but 
 which were not the smaller on that account. 
 
 If my reader be one of those whose days have passed 
 away without furnishing- any great and conspicuous 
 providential mercies, let him not, on that account, sup- 
 pose that mercy and goodness have ceased to follow 
 him. If his journey through the troubled ocean of life 
 has hitherto been unruffled by any great storms, let 
 him remember, that it was only because there was One 
 who said, " Peace, be still ;" and in consequence of this 
 command it hath hitherto proved a calm. Not so the 
 life of the writer. The same year in which the events 
 recorded in the former chapter took place, he was call- 
 ed on to share in the perils of another and more dread- 
 ful shipwreck. The spring and summer had passed 
 away without bringing any thing extraordinary with 
 them ; but in October, when the stormy season began 
 "to carry the mariner up to the heavens and down 
 again to the deep," the ship he then served in was or- 
 dered to cruize off the coast of Holland, and in a week 
 after quitting the Downs was totally wrecked on one of 
 those numerous shoals with which that sea abounds. 
 
 The weather had generally been stormy, and accom- 
 panied with thick fogs, from the time we left port. 
 This not a little confused our pilots; yet, humanly 
 speaking, a very small share of common prudence 
 might have guarded against all danger. But, alas! 
 this vessel was a den of profaneness and blasphemy, 
 which, during the short period she had been in com- 
 mission, exhibited more of the true features of " a hell 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 39 
 
 afloat^^^ than any I had before seen or afterwards knew. 
 The captain was an outrageous blasphemer, tyrant, and 
 drunkard; and the master, whose more especial busi- 
 ness it was to navigate the ship, was half an idiot, while 
 the two local pilots were ignorant of their profession ; 
 most of the other officers were gentlemanly characters, 
 but all of them detested their ship equally with the crew 
 at large. What this vessel might have become had she 
 floated for a few years longer, time only could show ; 
 but God would not permit the experiment to be tried, 
 he was now about to speak in an awful warning voice 
 to some, and in solemn judgment to others. To this 
 end, all whose more immediate duty it was to command 
 and to navigate the ship, seemed given up to strange in- 
 fatuations. Their wisdom was turned into foolishness, 
 and " when they said, Peace and safety, sudden destruc- 
 tion came upon them." The ship was lost, and more 
 than sixty souls perished ! I shall not enter into a 
 very particular detail. Let it suffice to say, that with a 
 strong wind blowing right on the land, and with a 
 shore beacon-light for a considerable time in view, we 
 ran down stem-on the coast, while our master and pilots 
 knew not their situation, and the captain, in a state of 
 intoxication, insisted that the light we saw was that of 
 some ship which he would chase. Thus we proceed- 
 ed until just after midnight, and while the wind blew 
 half a gale, when thick clouds began again to darken 
 the sky, and the angry surge was rising higher and 
 higher, we dashed upon the fatal bank with such vio- 
 lence that those on deck were thrown off their feet, and 
 those below were instantly roused from their slumbers, 
 
40 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to hear the doleful report, " The ship is on shore ! the 
 ship is on shore!" All was confusion and alarm; the 
 crew were seen on deck, some half dressed, and others 
 just as they leaped out of bed. The long-boat was 
 hoisted out, and instantly filled, and was dashed to 
 pieces along-side; signal-guns of distress were fired 
 every minute ; blue lights* were burnt ; and measures 
 taken to prevent the ship from falling over on her side. 
 The chain-pumps were set to work, but our leaks defied 
 all such resistance. The ship bilged, the sand worked 
 through the bottom, and long before day-dawn the well 
 was choked up, and the lower part of the vessel filled, 
 A raft was now made with our spare top-masts and 
 other available materials, should any means of using it 
 be afforded. This done, nothing now remained for us 
 to do but to wait the return of day. O how anxiously 
 did we look towards the east, if peradventure the open- 
 ing light might show some token for good ! For as 
 yet we knew not where we were, or whether any or no 
 prospect of relief would present itself 
 
 The anxiety with which we passed these hours of 
 darkness, and the eager desire with which we looked 
 forward to the day, have often since reminded me of the 
 Psalmist's earnest longings for the manifestation of 
 God's love to his soul. It has been the best criticism 
 on the force and beauty of the royal mourner's words, 
 when he exclaimed, "my soul waiteth for the Lord 
 more than they that wait for the morning : I say, more 
 than they that wait for the morning." 
 
 * Certain fire-works, composed of sulphur and gunpowder, 
 which may be seen several miles at sea. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 41 
 
 At length the sun arose, no doubt to gladden the 
 hearts of millions, while its beams led them forth to the 
 various pursuits of the day ; but not so to us, it rather 
 increased than diminished our sorrows. — We indeed 
 discovered our situation, but it was a mouMful discovery. 
 The land, at seven or eight miles distance, could not be 
 approached ; and our fleet (then in possession of the 
 Texel) was at least four miles farther off, and, under ex- 
 isting circumstances, utterly incapable of affording the 
 smallest aid. The raft was launched into the water, 
 but the sea rolled completely over it, so that this last 
 forlorn hope was more calculated to produce despair 
 than any thing else. Meanwhile the captain remained 
 in his cabin in a state of idiotism and intoxication : and 
 the lieutenants, under command of their senior brother 
 lieutenant, stood ready to act for the best as events might 
 enable them. 
 
 In this state of things we continued till noon, when, 
 to our inexpressible joy, the weather in some degree 
 moderated, and a vessel was seen standing in from sea 
 towards us. It proved to be a King's brig : our signals 
 of distress had been observed : she came and anchored 
 as near as her own safety would allow. It was now 
 extremely desirable that no time should be lost in send- 
 ing a boat to concert the best and most prompt measures 
 for our immediate relief A consultation was held on 
 the subject; but from the great surf which still sur- 
 rounded the wreck, the commanding officer foresaw the 
 very imminent danger which must attend those who 
 made the attempt, and therefore very humanely forebore 
 to issue £uiy orders, leaving it to such as chose to volun- 
 4* 
 
42 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 teer their services. Seven seamen and three officers, 
 including the captain of marines, had already taken their 
 seats in the boat, when I learnt the circumstance, and 
 instantly filled up the remaining vacant place. 
 
 All was now ready for lowering us down into the 
 angry waves, when the commander ordered me out of 
 the boat, and gave my situation to a stronger person. 
 Filled with anger at being singled out, and denied what 
 I considered as my privilege, I quitted that part of the 
 deck, and descended below, without staying to see how 
 the others succeeded. Here I had not indulged my 
 sullen resentment more than five minutes, before I 
 learnt, that the instant the boat was launched into the 
 water, one wave of the breaking surf dashed it against 
 the ship's side and broke all the oars, and a second com- 
 pletely overwhelmed them in the deep to rise no more ! 
 This intelligence stopped my murmuring, but it did 
 not extort one sentence of thanksgiving, or lead me to 
 see the hand of God in it ! I merely thought, that as 
 things had turned out, I was better where I then found 
 myself ! 
 
 By four o'clock the boats were enabled to pass and 
 repass ; and before dark about two hundred of the crew 
 were taken from the wTeck. 
 
 It may not be improper to observe, that, as this ship 
 had been but newly commissioned, the officers and men 
 were strangers to each other, and could not, and did not 
 feel any of that personal respect for, and attachment to- 
 wards each other which happily sometimes exists in our 
 vessels of war. Hence all this desirable influence was 
 lost to the officers, while much insubordination was ex- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 43 
 
 hibited by the seamen generally during the whole of 
 this melancholy event, the evils of which were severely 
 felt ; particularly when the boats, from time to time, 
 came for more men ; numbers rushing into them not 
 only obstructed the commanding lieutenant in executing 
 the regular duty, but even endangered their own lives, 
 and actually prevented many more from getting away in 
 the same time. 
 
 Not willing to add to these scenes of confusion and 
 disorder, I kept back until night began to set in, and the 
 weather had much changed for the worse. Two boats 
 were now coming alongside, evidently for the last time. 
 The remaining half of the crew, more than ever 
 anxious to escape the dangers of another night on board 
 the wreck, were hanging over the side, if possible, to 
 gain a place. Few of them, indeed, could be received 
 into two boats, yet every man hoped to be amongst those 
 few. When I saw things in this state, I not only con- 
 sidered it my duty to make the attempt, in common with 
 others, but regretted I had not done it earlier. That 
 God, however, whose blessing I did not implore, was 
 pleased to favour me ; for, while numbers failed, I suc- 
 ceeded in leaping from the deck into one of them, and 
 by that means was saved. Having reached the brig and 
 put the men on board, I returned again in the boat to 
 endeavour to obtain another cargo of passengers ; but by 
 the time we came thither, the night and all the harbin- 
 gers of a storm had overtaken us, and so much increased 
 the anxiety of those on board the wreck to obtain a place 
 in this last boat, that we were afraid to approach near 
 them, feeling certain that we should all be swamped to- 
 
44 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 gether. Hence we obtained but five individuals, whom 
 with much difficulty, we conveyed on board the brig, 
 where we ourselves also continued for the present. 
 
 Those who remained on the wreck passed such a 
 night as none can form any idea of but they who have 
 experienced similar calamities. The sea continued to 
 beat and break over them till nearly day-light ; and 
 though they had lashed themselves to the highest and 
 most sheltered parts, yet many were swept away into 
 the sea, and many were drowned in the wreck ; inclu- 
 ding a party vi^ho had gained access to a rum puncheon, 
 and who sat and deliberately drank of its contents until 
 they were drowned on the spot. But it pleased the Lord 
 to send a fine morning, and in the course of the succeed- 
 ing day the survivors were taken from their miserable 
 situation, and conveyed on board our fleet in the Texel. 
 
 As to the state of my mind while in the N , it 
 
 was such as I know not how to explain. It was a mix- 
 ture of something like occasional morality, with much 
 of the reprobate and blasphemous description. Having 
 a little turn for making verses, I might be found one 
 hour writing in a moral strain, and the next giving a 
 loose to all manner of profaneness. The only part of 
 my versified moral productions which I now recollect, 
 is what I called " The Sailor's Prayer." It consisted 
 of a few petitions to the God of the universe, to give me 
 wisdom and courage under all the varieties of naval 
 duty. It ran thus : — 
 
 May He who rules the boundless whole 
 Instruct my mind, enlarge my soul, 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 45 
 
 And teach to shape the trackless course, 
 O'er distant seas, through current's force. 
 In night's dark gloom, and tempest's howl, 
 With steady courage arm my soul. 
 Not deaf to danger, but resigned, 
 "Whate'er his will, in hope to find 
 A helper in that solemn hour, 
 When death o'er tars usurps his power. 
 
 Should sudden squalls our bark assail 
 And spring a mast, or split a sail, 
 May thy kind hand direct me still 
 To act viy part and do thy will ! 
 If launch'd o'erboard in stormy day, 
 Thy goodness still to me display, 
 As on the briny wave I float. 
 To gain some friendly spar or boat. 
 
 Should lab'ring pumps employ our care, 
 Far, far from me, O keep despair ! 
 But should thy wisdom so decree, 
 That we our bark no more should free, 
 As down with her I sink below, 
 A better world my spirit show ! 
 
 Such were the strains of my rude muse at times 
 when conscience struggled with sensuality. But as I 
 had not the smallest idea of Christianity, all my religious 
 notions amounted to nothing more than pure heathen 
 morality, as distinct from the doctrines of the Gospel as 
 error is from truth. Little did I expect the calamities 
 of a second shipwreck were so near at hand when I 
 wrote the above lines. 
 
 Perhaps on examining the latter part of this produc- 
 tion the reader Avill say, the Lord had put a prayer into 
 my heart, and words into my mouth, to be brought 
 forth in the time of approaching trouble. No, my good- 
 
46 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 was like the morning cloud, and all my serious 
 thoughts as the early dew, or the writing on the sea 
 shore. The first wave of temptation swept them all 
 away. I can assure him, although not more than three 
 months could have elapsed between the writing the 
 above prayer and my being actually called to attend the 
 chain-pumps, until they choked and the ship was filled, 
 yet I do not remember that I once thought of it, or 
 oflfered up a single line of its petitions throughout that 
 sad catastrophe ! On the contrary, when daylight ap- 
 peared, and our real situation was known, I felt a state 
 of mind bordering on despair. The gloomy sky over 
 our heads, the trembling wreck under our feet, and the 
 roar of the tempestuous surf breaking around us, were 
 but faint emblems of the agitation of my soul when I 
 thought on death. 
 
 In the heat of battle it is not only possible, but easy 
 to forget death, and cease to shrink ; but in the cool and 
 protracted hours of a shipwreck, where there is often 
 nothing to engage the mind but the recollection of tried 
 and unsuccessful labours, and the sight of unavoidable 
 and increasing harbingers of destruction, it is not so easy 
 to forget ourselves or a future state. With all my might 
 I strove to shake off the terrors of a guilty conscience, 
 but could not. In my distress I viewed the Almighty 
 as a dreadful being : and could I have sunk into a state 
 of nothingness, I should have preferred it to living in 
 his presence. I did not love him ; I did not think I 
 had any claim or pretensions to his favour ; and I could 
 not but wish to escape his wrath. 
 
 At length the fe^r of that God, whom I could neither 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 47 
 
 forget nor escape, compelled me to open my mouth ; 
 but it was not with those of old to say, " Lord, be mer- 
 ciful to me a sinner !" " What shall I do to be saved?" 
 or " Lord ! what wilt thou have me to do ?" No ! but 
 it was to insult the Majesty of heaven with a string of 
 proposals and promises ; how, on my part, I would in 
 future live and act, if He, on his part, would save me 
 from my present danger ! ! Gracious God ! why did 
 the waves spare me, thus to add one sin and presump- 
 tion to another ! When thy merciful ear heard me pro- 
 testing against a course of life, of which I no further 
 disapproved than as I feared it might expose me to thy 
 just anger, why didst thou not doom me to that " hell 
 which is moved from beneath to meet the sinner at his 
 coming ?" 
 
 Precious and adorable Intercessor ! It was thy plea, 
 thy presence at the right hand of Power, which pre- 
 vailed to the averting of that judgment, which other- 
 wise must have been poured out in full vials of wrath 
 on one whose prayers were a very abomination in the 
 sight of thine offended Father ! — " The heart of man is 
 deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked!" 
 Yes ! let pride and ignorance write or say ever so much 
 to the contrary, I have nothing more to do than to ex- 
 amine what my own is, and what it has been ; and all 
 their vain janglings fall to the ground. What else 
 could induce me, the instant I was clear of the wreck, 
 to forget all my vows and proposals, and to sing, with 
 others, 
 
 " Where's the tempest nowl who feels iti 
 All our cares are drown'd in wine !" 
 
48 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 And yet so far was this my conduct from being consid- 
 ered an outrage against morality and good order by my 
 superiors, that they absolutely showed me much marked 
 attention, and considered me "a- very worthy young 
 man /" I mention this, lest any advocate for the purity 
 and dignity of human nature should say that I was so 
 notoriously reprobate beyond others, as to be no fair 
 specimen of the descendants of Adam. On the other 
 hand, that my goodness did not make me " meet to re- 
 ceive or deserve grace of congruity,"* will still appear 
 from the sequel of my narrative.! 
 
 * Art. XIII. Of Works before Justification. 
 
 t Should the reader's curiosity ask what became of these officers, 
 to whose ignorance and misconduct the loss of this ship must ever 
 be attributed 1 I reply, the master was reduced in the list of the 
 navy, and the captain was broke, and rendered incapable of ever 
 serving again. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 " THOU HAST MADE ME TO SERVE WITH THY SINS, 
 THOU HAST WEARIED ME WITH THINE INIQUITIES." 
 
 Isaiah xliii. 24. 
 
 Yes, most gracious God ! I plead guilty to this thy 
 charge ; I acknowledge my rebellion ; I know I have 
 walked in a way that was not good ; I have walked after 
 my own thoughts, and provoked thee to anger continu- 
 ally to thy face. O that I may henceforth live under the 
 abiding and increasing sense of thy long forbearance and 
 tender compassion, and never, never grieve thy blessed 
 Spirit more ! Surely, were I in hell itself, I must pro- 
 claim thee in thine own words ; and while evil spirits 
 vented their execrations, methinks I must often cease 
 from my weeping and wailing to say, Nay, for " He is 
 Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffer- 
 ing, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy 
 for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin." 
 And now, such of my readers as are disposed to see this 
 character of a covenant God further exemplified in the 
 life of an unworthy fellow-sinner, must follow me from 
 the German Ocean to the Mediterranean Sea, As yet 
 I had never been afflicted with any dangerous illness; 
 at least I was too young and thoughtless to consider the 
 small-pox, measles, and a typhus fever as such, when I 
 5 
 
50 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 passed through them. But soon after the E , my 
 
 next ship, arrived in those seas, the garrison of Genoa, 
 then in possession of the French army, being starved 
 out, was obliged to capitulate. This event threw seve- 
 ral hundreds of the half-famished soldiers into our hands, 
 when a sudden change from starvation to good living 
 produced several deaths among them, and introduced a 
 pestilential fever among ourselves. Our ship was, in 
 consequence, obliged to repair to Minorca; the sick 
 were put on shore for refreshment, and five of the most 
 desperate cases, including myself, were left at the hos- 
 pital. From the hour of quitting the dreary wreck 
 of the N , to that in which I was left at sick quar- 
 ters, and became perfectly delirious, I had never employ- 
 ed my reason or my thoughts on the subject of my vows 
 and proposals of leading a better life. Three years had 
 elapsed since I rushed from the means of grace on 
 shore ; and, up to this period, I had never read one sen- 
 tence of the word of God. I had gone, like Pharaoh, 
 from one degree of hardened rebellion to another, until 
 the presence of the Lord seemed to be withdrawn, and 
 Satan permitted almost to reign the undisturbed possessor 
 of my heart. No remorse of conscience, no desires to 
 do better, no remembrance of former mercies, had for 
 some time past, found place within me. Gracious God ! 
 why was I not hurried from the ravages of a burning 
 fever into those of a burning hell ! Only because thou 
 art God, and not man ! 
 
 This foreign hospital was a place where, as far as I 
 can remember, no man seemed to care for his own soul, 
 much less for that of his fellow. Here were no chris- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 51 
 
 tian visitors either to instruct the ignorant and dying, to 
 cheer the drooping spirits of the contrite, (should such 
 be there,) or to speak a word of alarm to the hardened 
 impenitent. Had one such entered my apartment, and 
 known but so much of my history as has already been 
 brought forward, what must his feelings have been! 
 From attending a little while to my incoherent ravings, 
 he would have turned aside to weep, and to say, " Alas, 
 my brother !" Perhaps he would have soliloquized over 
 
 my couch, and asked, " Is this indeed ? he who all 
 
 his life long has received mercies only to abuse them? 
 
 O ! where are now thy profane jests, thy songs, 
 
 thy oaths ? where thy friends and companions in sin and 
 folly, thy dreams of honour, thy desires of renown ? 
 Behold thy life is drawing to its close : thy mind is al- 
 ready as good as dead ; one only of thy companions in 
 sickness remains, but thou art unconscious of all ! 
 Thou regardest not him who is living, nor those who 
 are committed to their graves. Alas, my brother! 
 may that God whose power is almighty, and whose 
 mercy is a great deep, be more merciful to thee than 
 men dare aspire to hope." Indeed, charity itself, 
 which continually hopeth all possible things, and re- 
 joiceth in that hope, could hardly have expected that 
 I should be spared to add yet a numerous train of offen- 
 ces to the already dark catalogue. But the " Lord's 
 ways are not as our ways, neither are his thoughts as 
 our thoughts." 
 
 At the end of ten or twelve days, when my reason 
 returned, I had then just strength sufficient to cast my 
 eyes round the ward, to enquire after my companions, 
 
52 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to hear of their death, and to view my own poor ema- 
 ciated frame. All I saw and heard only distressed me ; 
 I thought it impossible I could recover ; and again the 
 subjects of death and judgment seized upon my mind in 
 a way not to be shaken off The still quiet of a hospi- 
 tal was favourable to meditation. Here no turbulent 
 sea scenes intruded to prevent reflection, or to divert the 
 mind from its object. My thoughts might, therefore, be 
 considered as more regular and settled than they ever 
 yet had been. The reader may here s>^.e what were the 
 hopes and fears of one, who, on a bed of sickness, and in 
 the prospect of death, knew not the only true God, nor 
 Jesus Christ whom he hath sent. And O ! that some 
 poor deluded mortal may, in the review of my case, be 
 led to see a picture of his own, and to fly to that Saviour, 
 of whom I knew nothing at the period I now allude to ! 
 For it is but too true, that many in every parish, in every 
 ship, and in every grade and rank of society, are in 
 much the same condition. At least I have been sur- 
 prised and distressed at the numbers I have, since that 
 period, become acquainted with, whose views and hopes 
 have been an exact counterpart of these my own. Al- 
 though I was totally ignorant of the system or plan of 
 salvation by grace through faith in a crucified Redeemer, 
 I still remembered and believed certain doctrines and 
 historical facts of the Bible: such as that there was a 
 heaven and a hell ; that after death came the judgment ; 
 and that the dead would be judged according to the 
 things written in the books concerning them; that God 
 created and had once destroyed the world ; that .Tesus 
 Christ was born of a virgin, and suffered death at the 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 63 
 
 hands of the Jews, &c. But these doctrines and facts 
 brought no consolation, I still conceived of the Almighty 
 as a being unamiable, austere, and full of terror. I saw 
 nothing, I knew nothing of him as a God who delight- 
 eth in mercy. I felt no desire after heaven for its own 
 sake ; for I knew nothing of its nature, as revealed in 
 Scripture; nor had I the smallest conception of that 
 meekness or preparation of soul which is essential to- 
 wards its enjoyment. All I can say is, that some vague 
 notions floated in my mind of its inhabitants being 
 happy. But such were my low ideas of their felicity, 
 that my desires to join them were, not that I should be 
 filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory in their 
 company, but that I should be secure from the punish- 
 ments of hell, if I once obtained an entrance into heaven. 
 The point and centre of all my anxiety was this : how 
 I might make out a case that would pass the dread ex- 
 amination, and secure me from the wrath to come. 
 Though my conscience was too callous to charge me 
 with any heinous sins, yet, on the whole, I thought God 
 was angry with me, and that I had not been good enough 
 to be esteemed one of his favourites ; for I considered 
 that all who went to heaven were admitted thither in 
 consequence of their having deserved it, and that they 
 had, by their own meritorious deeds, made themselves 
 favourites with the Lord Almighty. I could not, I say, 
 rank myself among these, yet I never lost sight of what 
 I had first conceived the necessity of doing, namely, 
 that of making out my case as fair as possible. To 
 this end I looked within and without, to muster together 
 all the good, or rather supposed good things I could, if 
 5* 
 
54 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 happily they might become more than a counterpoise to 
 my bad deeds. Little, indeed, could I find to approve 
 of, though I strove hard in the work, dissembling and 
 cloaking my sins from myself, as though the Searcher 
 of hearts would overlook what I endeavoured to con- 
 ceal ; as though the sentiments of my Judge must ne- 
 cessarily run parallel with my own ; and that if I could 
 but bring myself in not guilty, he would confirm the 
 sentence. But this, of course, was utter childishness, 
 and ignorance of the Scriptures, such as, thank God, 
 every boy and girl now in my Sabbath school would 
 smile at ; but it was the best I then knew of those im- 
 portant things that are to guide us to an eternal world of 
 happiness or misery. O, lamentable ignorance ! mel- 
 ancholy delusion! fruitless labour ! From my soul I 
 do now pity that man and woman, who, in the prospect 
 of death, lies deep in thought, in fixed and serious 
 thoughts of another world, and are thus vainly labour- 
 ing to comfort themselves, since nothing but present 
 wretchedness and future misery can be the result. 
 When I had thus foolishly laboured, as it were, in the 
 fire, to compose my mind, and had sometimes almost 
 succeeded in deceiving myself, suddenly my fears would 
 rekindle, and again fill my soul with ail the anxiety, aris- 
 ing from the suggestion : " What if all your good deeds, 
 w^hen weighed in the balance, should be found wanting !" 
 In a few days I borrowed a Prayer-book, and turning 
 from page to page, read as for hire, and thought I there- 
 by made myself better. But all was comfortless work ; 
 -my eyes ached, my hands trembled, but my anxiety was 
 not relieved. At length I came to the Visitation Ser- 
 
THE RETROSPECT, 55 
 
 vice and Prayers for the Sick and Dying : and never 
 did poor superstitious monk work through his beads 
 with more labour and ignorance than I did through 
 these evangelical prayers. Yet not a sentence broke on 
 my mind to give the smallest light of the Gospel method 
 of salvation. " Wash his soul, we pray thee, in the 
 blood of that immaculate Lamb that was slain to take 
 away the sins of the world," &c., with other petitions 
 of a similar nature, were read over and over again with- 
 out my discovering the least knowledge of, or being in 
 any way struck with the important doctrine contained 
 in them. Not once did I ask, whether my soul Avere 
 washed in that blood ; not once did I enquire why it 
 needed to be washed. The fact is, I had not the smallest 
 conception either of the thing itself, or of the necessity 
 of a personal interest in it. All my hopes rested on my 
 own worthiness: all my disquietude arose from the fear 
 of punishment, not from a hatred of sin, or a sense of 
 the much abused mercy of a good and gracious God. 
 And no sooner did my strength begin to return, than 
 my terrors and my readings were gradually lost sight of; 
 until at the end of one month, I rejoined the ship as 
 ignorant of myself and divine things as when I left her, 
 though, perhaps, with somewhat more of a tender con- 
 science and teachableness of mind. 
 
 But the time drew near when a ray of light was to 
 
 dawn on a benighted soul. My friend. Captain W , 
 
 was blessed with a pious daughter, who, on the father's 
 quitting home to command this ship, had put up Bur- 
 ders Village Sermons in his trunk, with the hope, and 
 no doubt with the prayer, that they might not go forth 
 
56 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 in vain. That hope, as it respected the poor thought- 
 less father, was not realized. I knew him well : I saw 
 him die. He quitted this world in much the same state 
 as many thousands of our more decent characters de- 
 part, ignorant of his own heart and of the spirituality 
 of the divine law. There were no bonds, neither were 
 there any hopes in his death. But, although these 
 little volumes lay unread by him for whom they were 
 principally intended, the good providence of God direct- 
 ed them to me, and commissioned them to dispel a por- 
 tion of mental darkness, and to show me " that God so 
 loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, 
 that whosoever believeth on him might not perish, but 
 have everlasting life!" The sermon on the conversion 
 of the Philippian Jailor, Acts xvi. 30, 31. "Sirs, what 
 must I do to be saved?" and they said, "Believe on the 
 Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved," was the 
 first discourse that ever broke on my mind so as to im- 
 part one distinct and scriptural ray of the plan of salva- 
 tion. Amazed and confounded at my former ignorance, 
 I felt some thankfulness that the Lord had not called me 
 hence in my former heathen creed ; for I now saw that 
 there must be a peace-maker to stand between offending 
 man and an offended God. Yet there was a strange 
 veil still over my eyes. For, notwithstanding I read 
 the two volumes attentively, and also turned often to the 
 Bible, I continued ignorant of many essential truths. 
 The natural and universal depravity of the human 
 heart, the necessity of regeneration, and the insufficien- 
 cy of man to will or perform any thing truly good of 
 himself, were doctrines I saw no more of than a heathen : 
 
•THE RETROSPECT. 57 
 
 and as to the offices and work of the Holy Ghost, as a 
 convincing, comforting, teaching, and sanctifying Spirit, 
 I might be truly said not to know any thing of the 
 matter. Confused and limited as my knowledge of the 
 christian system was, I soon became proud of it, and 
 even considered it as that faith spoken of in the Scrip- 
 tures, and treated of in the sermons I had read. But, 
 alas, as this was only a small accession of scriptural in- 
 formation, it did not purify my heart, or work by love. 
 Indeed, with the exception of having left off swearing, 
 and ridiculing of religion, my practice was much the 
 same as before ; and, as conscience did its work a little 
 more faithfully, my life was only more wretched. Sin- 
 ning, and vowing against committing sin, repenting and 
 transgressing, and transgressing and repenting, made up 
 the round of most of my days and months during the 
 three years I was abroad. My companions often thought 
 me happy ; I knew myself to be miserable. During 
 this period many visible providential mercies fell to my 
 lot. Our ship was twice nearly set on fire, and on both 
 occasions I was greatly instrumental in overcoming this 
 most aAvful of all maritime calamities. Nay, in the last 
 instance, I was the sole and timely instrument. It was 
 on a Sunday. We were lying in Malta harbour ; and 
 as almost all the officers and crew were either on shore 
 or upon the upper deck I had embraced the opportu- 
 nity of sitting down to read the Bible : and being near 
 the spot where the fire burst out, I was enabled, though 
 almost at the expense of suffocation, to throw a quantity 
 of water on it, and to extinguish what, in five minutes, 
 would have so filled the lower part of the ship with 
 
58 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 smoke, and have so extended itself, as to baffle human 
 efforts. As it was, the danger was past by the time 
 the alarmed crew began to descend with a view of com- 
 bating it. Thrice after my return from the hospital, 
 our people were visited with pestilential diseases which 
 proved fatal to many, and more than once or twice we 
 narrowly escaped shipwreck ; besides sharing in all the 
 vicissitudes of seasons and services mentioned in " Col- 
 lins's Voyages to Portugal. Spain, Sicily, Malta, Asia 
 Minor, Egypt, &c. &c." as our ship was frequently in 
 company with the Dolphin, employed in the same 
 branch of service, visited most of the places, and shared 
 in the same perils, which are related of that vessel du- 
 ring the last three years of her continuance in those seas.* 
 Had I been blessed with a serious friend, I might, 
 through divine mercy, have become more decidedly a 
 Christian ; but such a privilege I as yet had never en- 
 joyed. On the contrary, my messmates, and every offi- 
 cer in the ship, were not only ignorant of God, but 
 seemingly vied with each other in sin. When I could 
 get on shore alone, I generally fell into a reflecting 
 mood, and often enjoyed a solitary ramble on the banks 
 of the Nile, or the shores of Cyprus and ancient Crete, 
 and felt desirous of hearing what these places once 
 heard, and of seeing what their inhabitants once saw. 
 But the first hour that returned me to my companions 
 drove all these thoughts away. The superb magnifi- 
 cence and solemn state of the Roman Catholic churches 
 
 * The pious author of these Voyages is now dead ; but I gladly 
 embrace this opportunity of recommending his little book as an 
 interesting christian narrative of facts. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 59 
 
 Struck me with awe. Though I felt certain they were 
 the temples of corrupt and superstitious worshippers, yet 
 I fell into a pleasing melancholy, whenever I could pace 
 their aisles undisturbed and unseen. But I think the 
 worshippers of the impostor Mahomet struck my vain 
 mind with more solemnity than any other people. Proud 
 as I was of my better creed, yet their practice put me to 
 the blush, whenever I saw them prostrate on the earth, 
 absorbed in their devotions, and utterly regardless of the 
 eyes and the opinions of others. Many, indeed, were 
 the striking objects which at different times and places 
 continued to present themselves to the eye, as well as to 
 the mind, during our long and roving services in the 
 Mediterranean. For the christian and classic reader is 
 well aware that we could scarcely pass the shores of 
 any country, or approach the shelter of any harbour, 
 whose present or past history did not powerfully admo- 
 nish us to consider the instability of all earthly things. 
 On many of these occasions the Spirit of the Lord cer- 
 tainly strove with me, although I knew it not at the 
 
 time. Yes ; it was undoubtedly that unknown still 
 
 small voice, which sometimes made me thus converse 
 with myself: Where is the ancient wisdom, and where 
 all the once boasted greatness of Egypt? Where the 
 splendour of its Alexandria, the pomp and luxury of its 
 Canopus, and the glory of its Pharaohs ? Where is 
 Tyre, and where is Carthage? Where the seven 
 churches planted by the apostles ? Where the pure 
 knowledge and holy practice they once inculcated? 
 Gone — some few broken fragments of the one, and some 
 few eclipsed remains of the other, are indeed to be found; 
 
60 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 but their glory is departed, and their very remembrace 
 is likely to perish from off the earth !" 
 
 But Sicily and its volcano, its ruins and its neigh- 
 bouring coast, displayed too much of the grand opera- 
 tions of nature, and of the awful visitations of God, to 
 pass unnoticed even by a more thoughtless being than 
 myself 
 
 It was impossible to stand on the shores of Messina 
 without feeling some awe in the contemplation of sur- 
 rounding objects. If the eye turned southward, it beheld 
 the towering summit of Mount ^tna, pouring forth its 
 clouds of smoke, and occasionally emitting the vivid 
 flame; and when it retired to survey nearer objects, it 
 saw in many places little else than melancholy ruins of 
 what had once been the habitations of men, the cham- 
 bers in which the tabret and the pipe, the viol and the 
 harp had sounded — the ruins of whole ranges of build- 
 ings, whose lofty tops many years ago caught and re- 
 flected the first rays of that day's sun, who before he 
 went down saw the convulsive earthquake hurl them 
 into their present forlorn and prostrate state, beheld the 
 sea cast its waves on the unresisting shore, and sweep 
 its crowded and despairing people into one common 
 grave. 
 
 My then confused and scanty knowledge of the hu- 
 man heart will account for my surprise and perplexity, 
 when, standing by these ruins, thoughtful and distressed, 
 I saw the natives pass and repass, utterly unmindful of 
 the scenes which so much engaged my attention. Surely, 
 I said to myself, these people are stupid and hardened 
 in the extreme, who can every day behold yonder vol- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 61 
 
 cano, and every day live in the very midst of these 
 ruins, and yet every day take the lead in all manner of 
 sin! 
 
 Alas ! poor moralizer ! thou couldst see the mote in 
 thy brother's eye, but thou didst not discern the beam in 
 thine own ; otherwise thou wouldest have ceased to 
 marvel at the Sicilian's indiiference, and have asked 
 thyself how it was that these reflections on God and his 
 judgments could vanish from thine own mind the in- 
 stant the objects which gave rise to them were with- 
 drawn from thy sight ! 
 
 What greatly assisted to dissipate serious reflections 
 from my mind was the several active duties I generally 
 had to perform, and in the bustle of which I took so 
 much delight ; especially, as I was for the last two years 
 we were abroad directed by the captain to do lieutenant's 
 duty both at sea and in port. This was undoubtedly 
 a great help towards increasing my professional know- 
 ledge, but it made me very vain and worldly-minded. 
 
 While I pass over many occurrences in silence, there 
 is one which I cannot but -notice ; it took place a few 
 weeks after my becoming acquainted with the Village 
 Sermons. Sitting alone, and, for the first time, reading 
 the Pilgrim's Progress, I felt much interested; and 
 though I understood but little of its spiritual import, I 
 made a general application of it to myself I considered 
 life as a journey, beset with innumerable dangers, and 
 myself as a traveller surrounded by so many and great 
 difficulties, that I deemed it almost impossible but I 
 must one day fall under them, and never reach the ce- 
 lestial city. It was no trifling season. I closed the 
 6 
 
62 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 book, and for the first time in my life wept over myself 
 as a sinner exposed to much spiritual evil and many pe- 
 culiar snares. Then it was I experienced what some 
 may condemn as enthusiasm, but what I at this day 
 humbly hope was the still small voice of God.* While 
 weeping over my forlorn condition, these words, " I will 
 never leave thee nor forsake thee^^ were impressed on 
 my mind with such a distinctness and power, that, had 
 a voice pronounced them, they could not have been re- 
 ceived more distinctly. I had then never seen or read 
 them to my knowledge, but from that instant I felt con- 
 fident they were a part of Holy Writ, and conceived 
 some hopes of their being sent as an assurance of the 
 Lord's mercy and goodness to me. And will the Al- 
 mighty never leave, never forsake me ? I said to myself. 
 The thought filled my eyes and my heart, as they had 
 never been filled before, and as I cannot describe to 
 others. — But O what a base ungrateful wretch did I 
 soon prove! — The world and its honours — the flesh 
 and its lusts — the devil and his wiles, shortly united to 
 quench this ray of the Spirit ; and they but too well 
 succeeded ! On our voyage home I could not forget 
 that more than six years had elapsed since I turned my 
 back on the Lord's house, and all the mercies of a quiet 
 family. And I knew also, that often during the last 
 two years of our abode in the Mediterranean, I had 
 pleased myself with the thought of attending his courts 
 if I lived to return. But when that event really took place, 
 and some favorable opportunities did offer, I neglected 
 them all, gave myself to the service of Satan, and pol- 
 luted the Lord's Sabbaths, seeking my own pleasure. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 63 
 
 and doing my own will. Such was the state of things 
 
 when the E was put out of commission, and I 
 
 joined the D , to offend still more, and to receive 
 
 yet greater mercies. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 "god speaketh once, yea twice, yet man PER- 
 
 CEIVETH IT NOT." — JoB XXxiii, 14. 
 
 Alas! poor sinful, wretched, rebel man! Little 
 does it avail that some pronounce great things in thy 
 praise ; little does it change the nature of things, though 
 they " spend all their powers of rant and rhapsody" in 
 eulogies of moral rectitude ! " All is but the tinkling 
 cymbal and high-sounding brass; smitten in vain!" 
 For thy Maker's voice is disregarded. He who formed 
 thee from the womb, proclaims, "Although the ox 
 knows his owner, and the ass his master's crib, Israel 
 does not know, his people do not consider." They con- 
 sider neither his calls of mercy nor his voice of judg- 
 ment, but are ever disposed " to revolt more and more, 
 seeing the whole head is sick, the whole heart faint." 
 
 Do any of my readers doubt this Bible statement ? 
 Let them look abroad ; let them " examine themselves 
 truly ;" or let them peruse these brief memorials of a 
 fitranger ; and the result will be, a conviction that " the 
 heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately 
 wicked." 
 
 It was in May, 1803, when we returned to England. 
 The short peace of Amiens had then expired, and war 
 again sounded the alarm, and we were instantly directed 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 65 
 
 to prepare to face our enemies, when we had been cal- 
 culating on returning to our friends. As honour and 
 glory, falsely so called, were then my idols, I rather re- 
 joiced at this circumstance ; and especially so when I 
 obtained a situation under one of our very influential and 
 first-rate officers. Most striking were the leadings of 
 Providence in bringing me under this officer's com- 
 mand and patronage, although, at that time, I saw but 
 little of the hand of God in them. Indeed, the world 
 was now so completely my object, that, notwithstanding 
 the tender mercies of a heavenly Father had watched 
 over and returned me in health to my " long lost native 
 shore," he was seldom in my thoughts: I reflected not 
 on the thousands who once sailed with me, but whose 
 carcasses had fallen in distant lands, or been ingulfed in 
 the ocean, while I had been preserved. Nay, when his 
 gracious providence had again prospered my way, and 
 given me a few opportunities of attending his house of 
 prayer, I not only neglected to embrace them, but, as 
 was observed in the conclusion of the last chapter, I de- 
 voted these seasons to the service of Satan, and polluted 
 his Sabbaths by seeking my own pleasure, and doing 
 
 my own will. In the D I found a large and gay 
 
 society of young men, whose only object, like my own, 
 was to obtain "that honour which cometh from man ;" 
 and happy and enviable was his lot esteemed who out- 
 stripped his competitors in the ardent race. The world 
 caressed me, and I gave it my heart. My practice as a 
 Christian became more lax : I gave way to furious an- 
 gry passion : sought my happiness in the smiles of man; 
 and more and more forgat God. Who, then, will be 
 6* 
 
66 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 surprised to hear, that my little scriptural light became 
 darkness ; or, that on my having grieved and quenched 
 the blessed Spirit, Satan should be again permitted to 
 exert great power over me ! I shudder at the recollec- 
 tion of this period ! Merciful God ; well might thy bles- 
 sed Son declare that the things which are highly 
 esteemed among men are abomination to thee — in my 
 own case I know it must have been so.* 
 
 Such was the determined manner in which I went 
 through all the boisterous duties of my station, that I 
 was appointed to head a party of the boarders in time of 
 action, and also to command a company of men selected 
 to combat and extinguish fire whenever it might occur 
 in the ship. In short, I left my companions at a dis- 
 
 * The writer wishes it to be clearly understood, that no part 
 of his own irregularity could be ascribed to the want of good order 
 and discipline on board this ship. Captain H — (who lately de- 
 parted this life a titled admiral, and justly honoured by his sove- 
 reign) was too good an officer, and too moral a man, to suffer any 
 to trifle in his presence, either with their public duties, or the sa- 
 cred name and things of God. Wherever he conceived that he 
 found merit, there he promoted it to the utmost of his power ; and 
 if his ship had not a pious chaplain on board, it was not his fault. 
 He watched over the conduct of those young men more immedi- 
 ately under his care, with the vigilant eye of an intelligent father; 
 and formed the character and sent forth not a few who at this 
 day are officers high in rank and respectability in the service. 
 Had all commanders of his Majesty's ships and vessels of war 
 been like him, perhaps the writer would this day have been very 
 differently employed to what he now is : but be that as it may, so 
 long as reason and memory maintain their empire, so long will 
 the name and remembrance of Sir G. H. be honoured and respect« 
 ed by him. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 67 
 
 tance, carried all before me, and was among the very 
 first who received promotion from the commander-in- 
 chief after the close of the battle of Trafalgar, in which 
 the D took no minor part. 
 
 Ours being one of the only three ships which saved 
 and carried into port their captured enemies, I was sent 
 on board the ship that struck to us to assist in taking 
 her to Gibraltar, where we had scarcely arrived, before 
 
 the D came in, and my kind captain put into my 
 
 hands a lieutenant's commission from Lord CoUingvvoodj 
 and a purse of doubloons as my share of some prizes 
 lately captured ; then wishing me all future good suc- 
 cess, he left me to repair on board the C r, to which 
 
 ship I was appointed. 
 
 Thus did the world, or rather the providence of God 
 smile upon me ; men applauded my conduct, but I am 
 sure that God condemned it. He was not as yet in ail 
 or any of my thoughts as the chief good ; the glory of 
 his name was not my motive of action ; nor was his 
 word my rule of conduct. But amidst all the dangers 
 and mercies, the bustle and delusive smiles with which 
 I was surrounded, I was far from being happy, either 
 before or after my promotion. The Lord did not suffer 
 my conscience to become wholly callous, and every day 
 I did more than sufficient to wound its feelings and raise 
 its voice. Nothing short of the preventing mercies of 
 God kept me from destroying myself and others in my 
 paroxysms of anger and passion. Once I so nearly 
 brought on an apoplectic fit, as to turn giddy, become 
 speechless, stagger, and almost fall on the deck; and 
 often has this unworthy hand levelled a poor offending 
 
bo THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 fellow-mortal at my feet on a trifling occasion. No 
 marvel then, that, when I retreated to my cabin, I was 
 wretched in the review of my conduct. 
 
 Turning back again to the time previous to the battle 
 
 of Trafalgar, and while I was serving in the D , I 
 
 must now observe that the enemy assaulted me with the 
 weapons of deism ; doubts upon doubts, and one cavil 
 after another, rushed on the mind, and induced me to 
 call the whole authority of Scripture in question. Did 
 the eternal Author of all being, indeed, give his only 
 begotten Son to be the propitiation for sinners ? was a 
 question frequently suggested to my mind. I left off 
 reading the Bible, and reasoned after the wisdom of man. 
 Viewing the universe through the medium of recent 
 astronomical discoveries, I beheld systems of worlds 
 rising above each other in an innumerable multitude, and 
 almost lost sight of our globe, as an atom in the vast 
 field of creation. My belief was staggered at the price 
 said to have been paid for the redemption of this atom, 
 and I foolishly asked, what or who must redeem the 
 millions of others ?* The sight of the rainbow was, for 
 some months, the constant introduction to these sceptical 
 reasonings : in it I conceived I had found out an unde- 
 niable instance of priestcraft, merely because I could 
 describe how natural causes produce that beautiful 
 effect.! O Scepticism! thou destroyer of man's peace, 
 
 * In the fifth chapter of Fuller's " Gospel its own Witness," 
 there is an admirable answer to this objection. 
 
 t "Whether during the age of the ante-dilu^dan world rain de- 
 scended in its present usual form of showers, or whether the 
 whole face of the ground continued to be watered by a mist going 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 69 
 
 thy chain, I can say from experience, is hard to be 
 borne. No part of my life was more truhf unhafpy 
 than this, in which I called in question the authority 
 of revelation. I dreaded my own sentiments, yet conti- 
 nued to indulge them. I trembled at my creed, though 
 I tried to hold it fast. Strange and miserable infatua- 
 tion ! Happy for me, no disciples of modern infidelity, 
 nor any of their pernicious works, had yet fallen in my 
 way, or I should probably have declared at once for the 
 doctrines of Paine's Age of reason, &c. Since that time 
 
 up from it, as specified in Genesis ii. 6. and consequently, whe- 
 ther the bow did or did not appear before the flood, is not worth 
 our staying to conjecture or enquire. One thing is clear to the 
 inteUigent mind, that the colours are the natural effect of a well- 
 known cause, and as such the bow contains no more of the finger 
 of God than any other portion of his works. But in the then 
 pride and ignorance of my heart, I did not once ask who esta- 
 blished and gave laws to nature ; nor did I once reflect on the di- 
 vine condescension, thus stooping to give a promise of safety to 
 offending men, and ratifying this promise anew whenever they 
 behold this seal or natural sign in the cloud. Had it pleased the 
 Lord to appoint any other part of his natural and visible works 
 (for instance, every new or full moon, or every eclipse) as a re- 
 membrancer of the deluge, and of our safety from its recurrence, 
 his goodness would have been equally conspicuous, though the 
 sign itself would not have been so appropriate, so striking to the 
 outward senses, as that of the glowing bow ; because it is only 
 when the sky is darkened with storms, and the torrents are de- 
 scending to moisten, but not to destroy the earth, that this gra- 
 cious and beautiful token appears. What time, then so appropri- 
 ate — what part of all nature's productions so suited to confirm a 
 merciful promise that the earth shall no more be destroyed by a 
 flood '? O ! the wisdom and goodness of God, in giving the pro- 
 mise, and in selecting such a memorial of its continuance ! 
 
70 THR RETROSPECT. 
 
 I have read some of their vain philosophy, their proud 
 and blasphemous reasonings, and have been much struck 
 at the similarity of their cavils and my own. Nay, I 
 have seen their objections clothed in the very shape in 
 which Satan formerly suggested them to my mind; 
 and hence I knew who had taught them. May the 
 Lord change their hearts, and preserve all mankind 
 from their destructive opinions and principles. 
 
 "Ah me ! the laurell'd wreath that murder rears, 
 Blood-nurs'd and water'd by the widow's tears, 
 Seems not so foul, so tainted, and so dread, 
 As waves the night-shade round the sceptic's head. 
 What is the bigot's torch, the tyrant's chain 1 
 I smile at death, if heaven-born hope remain ! 
 But if the warring winds of nature's strife 
 Be all the faithless charter of my life ; 
 If chance awaked, inexorable power, 
 This frail and feverish being of an hour ; 
 Doom'd o'er the world's precarious scene to sweep, 
 Swift as the tempest travels on the deep, 
 To know dehght but by her parting smile, 
 And toil and wish, and weep a little while ; 
 Then melt, ye elements, that form'd in vain, 
 This troubled pulse and visionary brain ! 
 Fade, ye wild flowers, memorials of my doom, 
 And sink, ye stars, that light me to the tomb !" 
 
 Campbell. 
 
 But blessed be God, things are not so There is a 
 Gospel of peace given unto man ; and in its hallowed 
 pages life and immortality are brought to light. O 
 blessed Bible ! may thy doctrines and promises continue 
 to cheer and support me and all the believing servants 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 71 
 
 of God throug-h this vale of tears ; for I know by expe- 
 rience, that the Assyrians, the Jarebs of this world, can- 
 not heal a troubled mind, nor cure a wounded spirit. 
 
 During this period of scepticism, I remember being 
 one evening below, and more than usually struck with 
 dread at the thought of such consequences as must 
 follow a denial of the Bible, should it, after all, 
 prove to be the revealed will of God. In this per- 
 plexity and distress I knelt down by the side of a 
 cannon which occupied one side of my cabin, and ex- 
 claimed, " Lord, show me whether the Bible is truth or 
 falsehood;" and once more I had words suggested to 
 my mind with as much power and distinctness, as those 
 recorded in the former chapter ; but assuredly from a 
 different source. The former I then believed^ and still 
 do believe, were from the Spirit of God, encouraging 
 me to hope and persevere in christian duty ; while this 
 was evidently from the spirit of evil to distress and per- 
 plex me. The words now suggested were these, 
 " What a fool you are to suppose that the Almighty 
 will regard such a request, or attend to anything you say." 
 
 Whatever the reader may think, I can assure him 
 that the force with which these words were suggested 
 to or impressed on the mind, was such as I shall never 
 forget, and such as at that moment actually startled and 
 induced me to rise from my knees, and say, " Yes, it is 
 indeed gross folly for me to encourage any such thought 
 as that the Almighty will either attend to or regard me." 
 I then went on deck, and for a considerable time en- 
 deavoured to forget the subject of the Scriptures alto- 
 gether. 
 
72 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 To the best of my recollection, this sceptical state of 
 mind lasted about half a year, when I gradually re- 
 turned to reading the Bible (if it may be called reading ;) 
 for no sooner had the Lord driven Satan from this post, 
 than he attacked me from another. No longer able to 
 make me deny the Scriptures, he endeavoured to pre- 
 vent my reading them, and this he did by injecting the 
 most vile and horrid, the most impure and abominable 
 thoughts into my mind whenever I opened that blessed 
 book. It is utterly impossible that a second person 
 can conceive to what length this perplexing snare was 
 carried. Many a time did I shut up the Bible, as the 
 only way of getting clear of what made me detest my- 
 self; for I found, that whenever I left off reading, I 
 was delivered from these abominable thoughts. So lit- 
 tle did I know of Satan's devices, of my own heart, or 
 of the way to escape the evils of the one or the other. 
 While these conflicts were passing within my mind, and 
 while I was sinning on deck and repenting below, 
 making resolutions, and breaking them faster and faster, 
 the Lord sent me one very striking personal call to turn 
 and consider the madness of my ways. 
 
 Having anchored off the coast of Suffolk, a party 
 went on shore to shoot wild fowl. We had returned to 
 the beach, and were waiting the arrival of the boat. 
 The roar of noisy mirth had ceased, and I was at length 
 become thoughtful; for I had greatly sinned against 
 light and conscience that day. As I was pacing the 
 shore, thirty or forty yards from the main body of my 
 companions, one of them levelled his piece ; I noticed 
 him, and thought his aim was well adjusted for my head, 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 73 
 
 if he had any real design to shoot me. Scarcely had 
 the thought crossed my mind before he fired : when, 
 feeling my hat jerk, I took it off, and to my surprise, 
 found the contents of his piece had entered the crown, 
 right in front ; passed over the scalp of the head, and 
 escaped through the back part of the hat ! It appeared, 
 on inquiry that he had loaded with a pebble-stone, the 
 size of a musket-ball, which he foolishly supposed 
 would fly to dust as soon as it escaped the barrel of the 
 piece. When I saw how near I had been to the eter- 
 nal world, I could not but say, " This is surely the 
 voice of God ;" and under this impression I sat silent 
 in the boat during the greater part of our way to the 
 ship, a circumstance which one of the lieutenants ob- 
 served, and began to rally me on it, asking whether the 
 thought of having been nearly shot had tied up my 
 tongue ? And now, does the reader imagine I honestly 
 confessed the truth 1 — No ! for, although I trembled at 
 the recollection of the eye and hand of Omnipotence 
 being so evidently about me, yet I trembled more at the 
 prospect of human ridicule, and rather than endure the 
 laugh of man for standing in awe of God, I ventured 
 on another act of known sin, and positively denied that 
 any such thought occupied my mind. 
 
 Such was my base ingratitude to a gracious Preser- 
 ver, who still permitted me to live, an awful instance of 
 this truth, that though " God speaketh once, yea twice, 
 yet man perceiveth it not ;" at least not so as to be duly 
 affected by the divine calls. But my heinous lie left a 
 sting behind, which more than ever banished peace from 
 my mind. I applied to the Bible with somewhat more 
 7 
 
74 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 attention than usual ; but, alas ! it was a sealed book, 
 Egyptian darkness overshadowed my understanding, 
 and fretfulness and dissatisfaction (not repentance) filled 
 my heart. Still I put on the hypocritical smile of 
 cheerfulness in company, and passed for a happy fellow, 
 while happiness was an entire stranger to my breast. 
 My most comfortable hours were those in which the 
 bustle and exertion of nautical duty prevented my think- 
 ing. In this state I passed more than two years in the 
 
 D , causing the Lord to serve with my sins, and 
 
 wearying him with my iniquities ; until I concluded 
 my services in that ship at the battle of Trafalgar, and 
 
 was promoted into the C r, as has been already 
 
 mentioned. 
 
 I might lengthen out my remarks on his goodness, 
 in covering my head in that day of battle, when so many 
 fell ; as well as, on three different occasions, preserving 
 this ship from the most imminent danger of being 
 wrecked, on the coast of Spain, and in the North Sea ; 
 but I refrain from doing it, lest so many repetitions should 
 exhaust the patience of my readers. I will only ob- 
 serve, that some time after I left the D , this dear 
 
 favourite ship was lost, and more than five hundred souls 
 perished with her ! O that I could but feel as I ought 
 to do in the retrospective view of so much mercy ! 
 But, alas ! like David, I find my soul cleaves to the 
 dust; and, like St. Paul, when I would do good — 
 when I would " stretch forth the wings of love and 
 arms of faith," evil in various shapes is present with 
 me, and shortly I am found dwelling in the tents of 
 Kedar as before. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Sweet theme ! thou hast smoothened down many a 
 rugged portion of my way through this wilderness of 
 sin — thou hast solaced me through many a past and 
 gloomy hour ! Henceforth, " when clouds and dark- 
 ness are round about the throne of the Almighty," may 
 I ever remember, that " mercy and truth are the habita- 
 tion of his seat." When at any time " I walk in dark- 
 ness, and have no light," let the remembrance of past 
 goodness cheer my drooping spirits, and strengthen my 
 feeble knees ! And, O thou gracious covenant God ! 
 who hast borne with me so long, do thou bear with me 
 a little longer, and from henceforth, enable me to follow 
 thy dear Son as the good shepherd, although it be like 
 the ewes big with young, limping, and in the rear of 
 thy flock ! Whensoever I am likely to feint, do thou 
 stretch forth thy merciful hand, and enable me to endure 
 unto the end, to arrive at thy fold, and to awake up after 
 thy likeness ; for then I shall indeed be satisfied with it 
 — then shall " hosannahs no more languish on the 
 tongue," nor will my devotions die away into luke- 
 warmness ; but on the contrary, 
 
 " This song shall last when night has quench'd the pole, 
 And heav'n is all departed as a scroll ; 
 
76 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Yea, when, as Justice has long since decreed, 
 This earth shall blaze, and a new world succeed." 
 
 Still shall I sing of mercy and judgment ; unto thee, O 
 Lord, I shall sing. 
 
 On returning to England, the C had to undergo 
 
 some repairs, which enabled me to be more on shore 
 than formerly. Again I mixed with gay companions, 
 turned my back on the house of God, and sought, in the 
 midst of thoughtless beings, like myself, that happiness 
 which had hitherto eluded my grasp. I sought it eagerly, 
 but I found it not. The sound of the church-aroino; bell, 
 the procession to and from different places of worship, 
 and that solemn something which pervades the Sabbath, 
 and which all the abandoned profligacy of the multi- 
 tude cannot entirely do away ; these united in dashing 
 the cup of pleasure from my lips, and in establishing 
 the dominion of conscience within : but the fear of man 
 was my great, my dreadful snare. Like Agrippa, I was 
 almost persuaded to reform, and become a Christian, but 
 the dread of ridicule was like a triple chain about me. 
 Well said the poet, 
 
 " He is the freeman whom the truth makes free, 
 And all are slaves beside." 
 
 How lamentably did I continue to labour as a bond-slave 
 in the drudgery of this chain, doing the works of Sa- 
 tan ! Not because I felt his service to be freedom, or 
 his paths to be those of peace ; but that I dreaded the 
 trial of cruel mockings, should I quit his ranks. Thus 
 I went on, one hour reflecting and condemning myself, 
 the next gallanting ladies to shops and morning visits, 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 77 
 
 sitting down to wine parties, or mixing in the card-room, 
 the assembly, or the ball. Twice I, as it were, stole 
 away from them, and attended the morning service at a 
 fashionable chapel of ease ; but I neither understood nor 
 felt what I heard. Little, indeed, did I then know of 
 '^ doctrines, but I was vexed to find nothing about Christ, 
 nothing to rouse the mind, or warm the soul, in these 
 well-trimmed, cold, and heartless discourses. The next 
 Sabbath I rambled into the fields, and stumbled, as the 
 world would say, by mere chance on Old Stoke church, 
 just as the congregation were going in. I followed them, 
 and saw, and heard, and felt, what I little expected. To 
 hear a minister address his audience, not from the pages 
 of a formal, cold, moral essay, but from a page of notes 
 laid in his Bible, with that seriousness, which bespoke 
 him really in earnest — and with that affection, which 
 showed that he indeed felt for their eternal peace : to 
 hear and witness all this in a Minister of the Established 
 Church, was to me (pardon me, my clerical reader) as 
 new as it was unexpected : nor was the subject matter 
 less new than the manner in which it was delivered. I 
 may truly say by this servant of Christ, as the Atheni- 
 ans did by the great Apostle, " He brought strange 
 things to my ears," while he continued to draw the pic- 
 ture of man as a helpless undone creature, possessing a 
 nature totally corrupt and desperately wicked. I now 
 began to discover the source of that evil which I so 
 often had found breaking through all the restraints, the 
 resolutions, and vows with which I had endeavoured to 
 bind it.. Hitherto I had esteemed myself capable of 
 doing great things ; nor had all my failures swept away 
 
78 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 my vain conceits of a good heart and inherent strength. 
 But now the Word was commissioned to lay the axe at 
 the root of all such vain imaginations. I was told, and 
 I felt, that I could neither think nor act for myself in 
 any way pleasing to God, but that all my sufficiency 
 must be derived from above. In short, a few more ser- 
 mons tore away all my false props from under me, and 
 I saw myself " poor, and blind, and wretched, and mise- 
 rable, and naked." But I was not left here. I was 
 directed to the Lord Jesus as the great High Priest, 
 whose fulness abounds to the supplying of all the wants 
 of his church and people. What a display of those 
 wants, and of the mercy and goodness of a covenant 
 God to supply them, did I hear, in an enlargement on 
 Psalm Iv. 22. " Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and 
 he shall sustain thee : he shall never suffer the righteous 
 to be moved." No longer surprised at my having for- 
 merly broken through so many resolutions and vows 
 of amendment, I stood amazed at the folly of having 
 even made one in my own strength. I now understood, 
 both doctrinally and experimentally, that " it is not our 
 willing or running, but that it is of God, who showeth 
 mercy, and who worketh in us both to will and to do 
 of his good pleasure." 
 
 Our ship, happily, continued for a while on the Chan- 
 nel service ; and occasionally went into this port ; and I 
 as often embraced every opportunity of hearing the word 
 of God at Stoke church. But I had been a great sin- 
 ner, and the Lord kept me in a sorrowful path, especi- 
 ally while the vast and important truths of Scripture 
 were pouring in on my soul. I saw more of the won- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 79 
 
 derful things out of God's law every week, and thereby 
 I saw more of my own vileness. Many were my fears 
 and doubts ; my heart was full, and 1 longed to unbur- 
 den it to some one who could enter into my feelings, and 
 assist me in my difficulties. But whither could I look 
 for such a person ? Not in all the circle of my friends 
 and acquaintance : they cared for none of these things. 
 At length, after many debates with myself, I determined 
 on requesting an interview with the man whose minis- 
 try had been blessed to the bringing of me thus far. 
 It is almost superfluous to say it was readily granted, 
 or to add how much, under God, I was, and still am in- 
 debted for the instruction, advice, and comfort which I 
 received from this christian minister. He endeared him- 
 self to me by every act of kindness ; his heart and his 
 house were always open to me. In the latter, I beheld 
 all that contrast which exists between the manners of a 
 christian family and those of an ungodly and ignorant 
 world. At Stoke Rectory was all that my peculiar case 
 seemed to demand — retreat from the noise and vanity of 
 former companions, domestic peace, wise and christian 
 counsel, and real friendship. These privileges soon 
 disqualified me for the jovial board, and the idle chit- 
 chat of a fashionable world : they unfitted me for the 
 pleasures of a card-room, the ball and the assembly. I 
 bid them all adieu ; no longer esteeming the smiles of 
 their advocates as any thing worth valuing, and no 
 longer deterred from seeking the Lord by their frowns 
 or their jests. — On going to sea, I was enabled to pass 
 through my public duties with much composure ; and 
 when in my cabin, I read the Scriptures like one who 
 
80 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 had obtained a key, or index, to unfold, what was before 
 unintelligible. Man was no longer a riddle, or his ac- 
 tions unaccountable. I saw him rise and fall, conquer 
 or fly, in his conflicts with the world, himself, and Satan, 
 just as grace was in exercise in his soul. 
 
 The awful inconsistencies of Noah, Abraham, David, 
 Solomon, and others, were reconcilable ; and, though I 
 trembled, I was not surprised. To enlarge, however, 
 in this part of the Retrospect, would not become me. I 
 shall only add, that from that time to the present, I have 
 been learning, by little and little, more of those great 
 truths which I first heard at Stoke church. The night 
 I left my kind christian friend's house to proceed on 
 board, and thence again to sea, was a time of trial. — 
 The sweets of christian society and domestic peace had 
 been tasted, and these made the rugged scenes and dis- 
 orders of a ship the more harsh — I felt it difficuk to 
 part from the former, and again to unite with the latter. 
 My mind weighed the blessings I was to leave, and the 
 trials and privations I was soon to be exposed to ; and 
 it was very sorrowful. This my kind host observed, 
 and said many affectionate things to inspire hope and 
 allay despair ; but there was something of the prophetic 
 in his concluding sentence. "Who can tell but the 
 Lord may make you serviceable in the ship ?" — At that 
 time I could not entertain the smallest hope of any such 
 thing ever coming to pass ; nay, I scarcely dared to 
 think I should myself continue on the Lord's side; but 
 subsequent events often brought his words to my re- 
 membrance. 
 
 It was on a Friday I returned on board ; and on 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 81 
 
 Saturday we put to sea. The next day of course saw 
 me far from the venerable walls of Stoke church — other 
 sounds than those of its plaintive chiming bells filled 
 my ears, and far different works from those which oc- 
 cupied the assemblies of God's worshipping people 
 there and elsewhere demanded my attention. It was 
 one of the most sorrowful Sabbaths I had ever expe- 
 rienced. Like David of old, I truly envied "the spar- 
 row that had found her a nest about the walls of God's 
 temple, and the swallow who could there attend her 
 young." 
 
 For some time past it had been my custom, when 
 agitated or distressed in mind, to retire to my cabin, and 
 there (as I had no friend to whom I could lay open my 
 sorrows, or from whom I could receive suitable advice 
 and consolation) to snatch up the first paper and pen 
 which fell in my way, and converse, as it were, with 
 myself, and carry on my paper complainings, until my 
 mind was somewhat tranquillized. These incoherent 
 epistles rarely outlived the second day; but the one I 
 that Sabbath scrawled was, I know not why, preserved. 
 I have lately received a copy of it, with other memo- 
 randums, which I had long supposed were destroyed. 
 I will therefore transcribe it without apologizing for its 
 rude, abrupt, unconnected style, that the christian reader 
 may see, as in a glass, the then state of my mind. 
 
 " I am cut off from the Lord's house, his ordinances 
 and his people — I shall hear no more the glad tidings 
 of salvation within the courts of the Most High — and 
 my christian friends are left — perhaps to be seen no 
 more/ or at some very distant period — and oh what tern- 
 
82 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 ptations ! what trials ! what difficulties may I not have 
 to encounter ! How much do I need line upon line 
 and precept upon precept! Yet all is lost — no — my 
 blessed Saviour will not leave me ! My heavenly Fa- 
 ther will not in anger cast me off for ever — I feel con- 
 fident his Holy Spirit will go with me — And O Eternal 
 Lord God ! if thy spirit does accompany me, it is suffi- 
 cient — Thou hast declared that all things shall work 
 together for good to them that love thee — O Lord Jesus 
 Christ ! thou knowest this is my desire — O that I could 
 confide more fully for time and eternity in thine un- 
 changeable righteousness and love ; for in this place of 
 sin and iniquity thou art yet present in abundant mercy, 
 and thy strength is sufficient — Oh it is best even for me 
 to possess no power in the heavenly warfare ! for when 
 I am weak then am I strong in thee." 
 
 Again, I observe, I shall make no apology for this 
 production. The christian reader will sympathise with 
 the state of mind which dictated it, and give me credit, 
 when I say that at the time I wrote it, I no more ex- 
 pected it would live to this day, or be laid before the 
 public, than I expected it to be transmitted to the Em- 
 peror of China. — After a few days, I became composed, 
 and applied my leisure hours to reading the Scriptures 
 and such works on divinity as my kind friend and min- 
 ister had recommended, and I hope I may say I grew 
 in the right knowledge and experience of God's word, 
 and in some measure of resignation to the divine will. 
 But at the end of six or eight months, like the lepers 
 in the Syrian camp, my conscience smote me; and I 
 said, " This is the day of good tidings, and I hold my 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 83 
 
 peace." Here are more than six hundred souls famish- 
 ing- in spiritual want, perishing for lack of knowledge ; 
 they have not worshipped God, even in the form of 
 Sabbath worship, for these five years past ; they have 
 had few, very few Bibles — no man has cared for their 
 souls. I could not but feel my superior mercies, and I 
 trembled at the thought of uselessly burying my little 
 talent of knowledge and influence in the earth. But 
 what to do, under all the many and great existing dif- 
 ficulties, I knew not ; unless it were to introduce to the 
 captain the subject of reading prayers on the Sunday to 
 the ship's crew. As this was done on board many 
 ships by the commander, or one of the commissioned 
 officers, there was a distant hope of bringing the same 
 
 about in the C . But full of fears and cautions, I 
 
 passed day after day without finding any opportunity of 
 introducing the subject. At length to my great joy, the 
 very thing was done by the captain himself at his din- 
 ner-table, where religion happened to be brought on 
 the carpet by some of the company. I need hardly say, 
 that on such an occasion many silly things were ad- 
 vanced, particularly on the point of acceptance, or justi- 
 fication with God. All had given their opinions, ex- 
 cept the captain and myself, and had agreed that all re- 
 ligions and creeds were alike acceptable to God, pro- 
 vided men were but sincere in what they professed ; and 
 that he who did as he would be done by here, was sure 
 of doing well hereafter, or, in other words, of going to 
 heaven. It had been captain P.'s privilege, when on 
 shore, to live near a pious minister, and occasionally to 
 enjoy his public instructions and private conversation. 
 
84 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 These had not been in vain ; they had certainly furnish- 
 ed his head with much right knowledge, whatever the 
 State of his heart might be. When, therefore, he gave 
 his sentiments on the subject in debate, he confuted what 
 had been advanced, alleging that, as God had imparted 
 his will to man in the Scriptures, it was not left to man's 
 choice to form a creed suited to his own fancies. I 
 _ heartily seconded him, and added a few words to prove 
 that neither our scanty performance of relative duties, 
 nor our self-made creeds, could justify us before God, 
 who had appointed his only begotten Son to be wisdom, 
 righteousness, sanctification, and redemption to a lost 
 world, and that there " was none other name given un- 
 der heaven, whereby men could be saved, but only that 
 of Jesus Christ." The only rjsply which followed my 
 few observations was from captain P. himself, in these 
 
 words : " You preach very well, M s, and you shall 
 
 read prayers next Sunday, if you will." My heart 
 leaped with joy. I thanked him, and offered my will- 
 ing services as often as the weather and public duty 
 would allow. And now the news ran through the ship 
 
 like lightning, that M s was to preach next Sunday. 
 
 Some smiled, others marvelled ; but I secretly rejoiced, 
 and thanked God for having thus favourably and unex- 
 pectedly opened such a door, and for having proved bet- 
 ter to me than all my hopes and expectations. As this 
 was early in the week, I had some opportunities of talk- 
 ing the matter over with the captain, and saying that I 
 had a volume of plain discourses, short, and well adap- 
 ted to the crew, if he would permit me to read one after 
 the prayers. " Do as you like," was the answer. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 85 
 
 At length Sunday came: the day was remarkably 
 fine. No public duty intervened to set aside this holy 
 season. The church was rigged,* the bell rang, and 
 the captain, officers, and entire crew soon took their 
 seats, according to that order and discipline which pre- 
 vails in ships of war. Much as I had longed for, and 
 pleased and rejoiced as I certainly was at the sight, yet 
 it confounded me. More than six hundred bare heads 
 and attentive looks, all directed to myself, as I advanced 
 to my stand, were more terrible than the muzzles of so 
 many frowning cannon had ever been ; a nervous fever- 
 ish heat actually dried up my tongue, and nearly pre- 
 vented articulation, which, of course much increased my 
 confusion ; in short, this proved one of the most formi- 
 dable undertakings I had ever embarked in. I literal- 
 ly trembled, while I read through the prayers; and 
 more so, if possible, when I came to the sermon. At 
 length I got through the service, and retired to my cab- 
 in, full of confusion and self reproach, in that I had not 
 looked up with sufficient earnestness to God for a rea- 
 lising sense of his presence, as the only thing that could 
 deliver me from this snare — this fear of man. 
 
 O what a poor inconsistent creature is man ! who fears 
 the presence of a fellow-mortal more than the eye of his 
 Maker, who shrinks more appalled at the censure of a 
 
 * A maritime phrase for clearing away and fitting up a conve- 
 nient part of the ship, sufficient to seat the whole crew. This is 
 done sometimes between decks, and sometimes on the quarter or 
 upper deck. Stools are placed and flags of different colours sus- 
 pended round the sides and over-head, so as to form an enclosed 
 place, and to produce a pleasing effect. 
 8 
 
■■^^ 
 
 86 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 worm like himself, than he does at the threatenings of 
 Omnipotence — O Lord God of mercy ! pardon thy ser- 
 vant's many, many offences in this particular, from this 
 first public instance of his weakness, even unto the pre- 
 sent day. And henceforth give him grace not only to 
 stand up in thy name, but to speak the word with all 
 boldness as he ought to speak who advocates the cause 
 of the King of kings, and Lord of lords ! 
 
 As the ship continued several weeks off the mouth of 
 Brest harbour, and frequently at anchor, we had service 
 almost every Sunday, not only to all the officers and 
 crew in the forenoon, but I obtained permission to read 
 the Evening Prayers, and a sermon between decks, to 
 such as chose to attend ; these were generally about two 
 hundred. That delightful part of divine worship, the 
 singing to the praise and glory of God, was as yet want- 
 ing in our assembly. As we had a band on board, I 
 thought it not impossible to form a choir, if I could pre- 
 vail on some of the men to learn a few plain tunes, and 
 to bear the reproach of " Psalm-singers,^^ (a term of de- 
 rision and contempt, among common seamen, even where 
 there is no such thing as sacred music, or an attempt at 
 it.) Here, again, I succeeded beyond my expectation. 
 For having, on enquiry, found three or four men who 
 formerly sang at church, or in chapels, they consented 
 to meet the master of the band, and such young begin- 
 ners as chose to practise. In short, in a very little time, 
 we mustered ten or twelve vocal performers, who, with 
 two clarionets and a bass, produced much better harmony 
 than many country parish singers do. It was truly 
 gratifying to witness the attention and apparent interest 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 87 
 
 with which the greater part of the crew now attended 
 the worship of God. But there was a sad want of Bi- 
 bles, Prayer Books, and other pious works. This evil, 
 however, was partly removed on our going into port to 
 be paid ; as I obtained permission to apply to the Naval 
 and Military Bible Society, from whom we obtained 
 sixty-four Bibles. These, together with some hundreds 
 of good little tracts, being the publications of the Reli- 
 gious Tract Society, I obtained permission to circulate, 
 and saw distributed among the crew, and had the satis- 
 faction of knowing that every mess possessed a copy of 
 the Scriptures. Seldom, from that time forward, did I 
 go between decks without seeing some of the crew read- 
 ing them. 
 
 As soon as possible after this I applied for and ob- 
 tained permission to form a public library of religious 
 books on the following plan. Every member subscribed 
 four shillings, and was entitled to have one book in his 
 possession, and to change it for any other as often as he 
 pleased ; and, in the event of leaving the ship, to take 
 one or more volumes with him as his own. The pur- 
 ser's steward undertook to keep the library chest, and 
 receive and give out the books. Most of the officers 
 gave a gratuitous sum. Our number of subscribers 
 exceeded a hundred and fifty, and our library, when pur- 
 chased, contained above two hundred volumes of pious, 
 evangelical works, two-thirds of which were always in 
 circulation. Thus, from a state of barrenness, as to the 
 Scriptures and good books, we were soon and easily in 
 possession of abundance : for it must be observed, that 
 many of the crew furnished themselves with Prayer 
 
88 - THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Books, besides their subscriptions to the library. The 
 next object was to form a day-school for the poor boys. 
 This was soon done, and was daily inspected by myself, 
 and often visited by the captain. The singers, when 
 their duty would permit, still continued to meet between 
 six and eight o'clock, in a retired part of the ship ; not 
 that it was necessary to do so merely to practise singing, 
 but, having for several weeks enjoyed this retreat from 
 the noise and folly of the crew, they knew not how to 
 give it up ; nor could I find it in my heart to order it. 
 On the contrary, I sometimes went below, and read a 
 chapter or a tract, or a passage from some of our library 
 books, as well for my own edification as for theirs. 
 
 Most thoroughly was I aware of my own need of in- 
 struction, and gladly should I have received lessons had 
 there been any one to give them. This, however, was 
 not the case ; and as the poor fellows were still more ig- 
 norant than myself, and willing to be instructed, I felt it 
 a duty in these evening readings, when passages occur- 
 red, either in the Bible and other books, which I thought 
 they did not understand quite so well as myself, to en- 
 deavour, for a few minutes, to simplify and explain 
 them, and then to read on again, and conclude with 
 prayer, much in the way as many heads of families con- 
 duct their evening worship. This done, I dismissed 
 them with a few injunctions to be attentive to their pub- 
 lic duties, as the first and best way of reducing to prac- 
 tice what they had heard. Little did I then think that 
 this was the first leading-step towards the pastoral office. 
 Our apartment was soon unable to hold those who 
 came, and many attended without the canvas curtains 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 89 
 
 which inclosed it. Nor were my hearers confined to 
 the poor seamen and marines ; but some of the midship- 
 men, and now and then one of the commissioned officers, 
 came to hear M s preach, as they termed my read- 
 ings. In this manner things went on for half a year, 
 when the storm, w^hich had been silently gathering, be- 
 gan to discharge itself, and the cry of Methodism was 
 in the mouth of several of my brother officers, who 
 knew not the meaning of the word. Added to this, 
 many foolish and false reports got into circulation, as to 
 some of the men preaching. This took its rise from 
 the circumstance of a few of them occasionally reading 
 and praying in their plain and honest way, on some 
 evenings when I was not present. But our revilers 
 could not distinguish prayer from exposition. The 
 same spirit of enmity was shortly displayed by the 
 great bulk of the crew, as had been shown by their 
 superiors. They stigmatized their comrades with the 
 name of Wingers ;* and though no one ventured to speak 
 openly before me on the subject, yet I heard of many 
 ungenerous things that were uttered in my absence. I 
 had endeavoured to sit down and count the cost of my 
 undertakings ; but such was the fury of the storm when 
 it first broke out, that it beat me down for a season, and, 
 I fear, induced me almost to regret having done any thing 
 beyond reading my Bible alone in my own cabin. But 
 the Lord was merciful — he remembered whereof I was 
 made, and graciously strengthened my hands, by show- 
 ing, at this very time, how he had owned that work 
 
 * From the place where we met being called the Wing. 
 
 8* 
 
90 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 which man despised. More than one or two instances 
 presented themselves, of very abandoned characters 
 earnestly enquiring what they must do to be saved, and, 
 to the utter astonishment of all their companions, they 
 held on in a new course of life and conversation — Yes ! 
 
 " The wretch who once sang wildly, danc'd, and laugh'd, 
 And suck'd in dizzy madness with his draught, 
 Now wept a silent flood, revers'd his ways, 
 Is sober, meek, benevolent — and prays." 
 
 Thus encouraged, I went on, endeavouring, by a strict 
 attention to my public duties, and kindness to my brother 
 officers, to do away any real cause of complaint, seldom 
 introducing religious subjects, and never dogmatically 
 thrusting my own opinions on others. 
 
 In this way, through the blessing of God, many of 
 them were brought to acknowledge the reasonableness 
 of seeking Jfirst the kingdom of God and his righteous- 
 ness. Oaths and unchaste conversation were almost 
 entirely banished from our mess-room, and a blessing 
 was regularly asked by the president at our meals. 
 The visible improvement in many of the wingers was a 
 loud-speaking testimony that our Methodism had been 
 useful. The whole of the officers were convinced that 
 I could carry on the public duty without swearing at 
 the men ; and that the men could also do theirs without 
 uttering an oath, whenever I was on deck. 
 
 About this time a pleasing and indirect testimony was 
 borne to the general improvement of the crew, by one 
 whose words would have considerable weight with 
 many, as never having been suspected oi ijsalm-singingj 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 91 
 
 I mean General * * * *j who, being- on the inspecting 
 service, at Berry Head and Brixham, at the time the 
 fleet put into Torbay, was invited on board by our cap- 
 tain. After he had gone over and examined the whole 
 of the ship, he expressed his high gratification, and par- 
 ticularly remarked to captain B., that he had heard 
 little or no swearing as he passed among the seamen ; 
 a circumstance which he considered very singular, and 
 very different from what would have been found on a 
 like occasion among so many troops in barracks. But 
 although the senior lieutenant professed great friend- 
 ship, and pretended to rejoice at the moral improvement 
 of the crew, he was secretly an enemy to myself and 
 the cause of religion in general. He was a weak and 
 vain man. He viewed me as one who was gaining an 
 ascendency in the ship, far beyond his own ; and his 
 friends in port persuaded him that all our meetings were 
 for mutinous purposes, or that they would end in such. 
 This afforded a pretext for complaint to the captain, 
 who was earnestly solicited to put an immediate and en- 
 tire stop to all religious assemblies and religious pro- 
 ceedings in the ship ; and so effectually did my adver- 
 sary, in my absence, plead his cause, that orders were 
 the same night issued that it should be as he required. 
 The following day I requested an interview with the 
 commander on the subject; when I endeavoured to 
 show him the absurdity of all fears on the score of mu- 
 tiny and insubordination, and appealed to facts in proof 
 that the wingers were always obedient to command, 
 ready at every call, and foremost in every danger. 
 From this view and statement I appealed to conscience 
 
92 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and plainly declared that I considered our different posts 
 of authority as talents intrusted to us for the good of 
 others — that we owed a duty to men's souls as well as 
 to their bodies — to our God as well as to our country. 
 
 The result of this interview was the revoking of part 
 of the severe orders just issued, and the grant for our 
 little meetings to take place twice in the week, provided 
 I were personally present. This was a prudent cau- 
 tion, and left no room for complaint on our part. From 
 this time, until captain P. gave up the command, I had 
 but few troubles to encounter, unless what arose from 
 witnessing the falling away of some professors, and the 
 unsteady walk of others. It was then much as it has 
 been in my former and present fields of labour. On 
 one hand, I rejoiced in hope that the Almighty had set 
 his seal to a part of what had been done : on the other, 
 I grieved at beholding the ravages which the wolf from 
 time to time made in our poor little flock. 
 
 At length captain P. left the ship, to the regret of all, 
 and especially of myself, for he had not only been kind, 
 but a supporter of what was good. His successor, cap- 
 tain B., was a man of considerable naval interest, had 
 made much prize-money, and was haughty and impe- 
 rious to an extreme. As to religion, he had no other 
 idea of it, but as being useful to keep the lower orders 
 in subjection. He was evidently astonished at the mo- 
 rality of the officers, and certainly endeavoured to re- 
 strain his violent gusts of passion and oaths, when 
 commanding the seamen and petty officers on deck. 
 But it was not from right motives. He soon looked on 
 us as a set of Jesuits, before whom it was necessary to 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 93 
 
 be on his guard. Learning how the Sundays had been 
 kept, he could not, without a breach of order and disci- 
 pline, totally abolish the observance of divine service. 
 He therefore sent for me, and requested the favour of 
 my reading prayers, as usual, when duty would allow. 
 I did so the next Sunday after he joined us. The sing- 
 ers sang twice, and I produced one of the Village Ser- 
 mons as formerly ; but this was the last time but one 
 that my poor sermon-book made its appearance. Some 
 duty or other was always pleaded, so as never after- 
 wards to allow time for the reading of a sermon ; and in 
 one or two more Sabbaths we could not find leisure to 
 sing a psalm. Thus the service was reduced to the 
 mere reading of prayers, and that but occasionally. 
 The poor boy's school was the first object of his atten- 
 tion and objection, as, in his profound judgment, likely 
 to do harm. He doubted not of my good intentions, but 
 he assured us that it was a mistaken idea in all who 
 thought to forward the happiness of the poor by giving 
 them an education. The lads were therefore dismiss- 
 ed, and the table broken up to repair some old partitions. 
 Well knowing the weakness and enmity of the senior 
 lieutenant's mind, I felt assured he would lose no op- 
 portunity of endeavouring to accomplish what he had 
 hitherto failed in. On my first interview with captain 
 B., I therefore informed him of the little party that met 
 below, and requested his permission for a continuance 
 of it when I could be present. To this he consented, 
 being in fact taken by surprise, and unprepared to argue 
 the subject, or deny the request. This was a grand 
 point gained, and I hope we felt thankful to the gracious 
 
94 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Disposer of events for it. As captain B. brought six 
 young gentlemen with him from his former ship, they 
 soon, out of mere curiosity, visited our evening party. 
 To the amazement and vexation of their commander, 
 three out of the number became constant and serious at- 
 tendants. With these young men I passed many an 
 interesting hour, both in my cabin, and on deck, in the 
 silent night-watches. At first captain B. argued with 
 and cautioned them against being with me ; but, finding 
 his arguments avail nothing, he proceeded to threats, and 
 actually sent one very amiable youth into a strange ship 
 at ten minutes' warning, with the declared view of 
 " getting his bishop-like notions out of his head." By 
 this time every officer except myself had quarrelled 
 with this imperious man. The ship was become ex- 
 tremely uncomfortable; courts-martial were the order 
 of the day ; and it was but too evident how much hatred 
 existed between the commander and the commanded. 
 For the Gospel's sake I strove to be at peace ; and had 
 it not been for my religious sentiments, I believe I 
 should have been a favourite. But, under such circum- 
 stances, my countenancing any midshipman or sailor, 
 was a sure prelude to a train of petty oppressions falling 
 on them, especially from the senior lieutenant. The 
 reprobate part of the crew began to triumph over their 
 more serious comrades, and those who were not really 
 in earnest fell away through the fear of persecution. 
 Still the evening meetings continued twice a week ; and 
 I think I may affirm, the presence of God was occa- 
 sionally with us, and that to comfort and bless us. 
 The reader must not however conclude, that all was 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 95 
 
 smooth and comfortable, even in these little meetings : 
 no, I have already observed I had to witness the falling 
 away of some professors, and the unsteady w*alk of- 
 others ; and here I may add, that Satan found means for 
 a time to distract our little party with contests about elec- 
 tion and non-election, principally through the medium 
 of one John T . He had formerly been in connec- 
 tion with Mr. Wesley's people, and from his knowledge 
 of scripture and psalmody, and an assumed pious exte- 
 rior, was for a considerable time looked up to as a lead- 
 ing character, by those who were really sincere. But 
 his true state of heart was by and by clearly evident 
 from the fruits it produced ; and I felt it my duty first to 
 expostulate, then to rebuke, and lastly to dismiss him 
 from our assembly. Yet he found many opportunities 
 to cavil with and perplex the upright in spirit, and 
 while he himself fell more and more into open sins, to 
 advocate the doctrines of free-will and perfection on 
 earth. At the same time another person, almost as un- 
 christian as the former, was as warm on the opposite 
 side of the question. Thus these ungodly talkers would 
 have completely done the work of their master the 
 devil, and turned our quiet simple-minded people into a 
 set of angry polemics and headstrong bigots, had not 
 the Great Head of the Church said, " Hitherto shalt 
 thou go, and no further." Blessed and omnipotent God ! 
 I thank thee that in this day of small things, this early 
 state of my christian labours, thou didst guide me by 
 thy counsel and strengthen me by thy power to steer 
 that course and act that part, which, after several years 
 
96 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 of deliberate reading and reflection, I at this day con- 
 ceive to be the best. 
 
 But perhaps some reader would wish to know the 
 general outline of my views, and my mode of stating 
 divine truths to my humble hearers, and which I still 
 hold and approve of If so, I can gratify him ; for I 
 have at this moment a letter before me, which I wrote 
 to a dear and pious friend at the time, and on the ex- 
 press subject in question. 
 
 " It has been, and I hope ever will be, my principal 
 object to lead poor unawakened sinners to see their lost 
 estate by nature and by practice, and thence the absolute 
 necessity of regeneration — to point to Jesus Christ as the 
 Lamb of God slain for the sins of the world, as the only 
 rock on which we can build our spiritual house — 
 through whom alone we can procure pardon for the 
 past, strength for the present, and acceptance in future — 
 in point of merit, disclaiming even our best perform- 
 ances as nothing worth, but looking alone to his per- 
 fect righteousness, who died, the just for the unjust, that 
 he might bring sinners to God ; which righteousness is 
 to and upon all that believe, but none others. — Insisting, 
 at the same time, on the necessity of proving our faith 
 and love in a crucified Saviour by love to his people, 
 and by maintaining good works : it being a vain delu- 
 sion to confess Christ with our lips, while the tenor of 
 our lives denies him. Thus I hope I have gone on safe 
 ground, without bewildering these babes in religion 
 with speculative divinity, of which Satan makes much, 
 very much use ; filling the heads of many with argu- 
 ments and debates on points frequently non-essential, but 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 97 
 
 often unfathomable ; well knowing while the head is 
 filling this way, the heart is cooling and emptying in 
 one of the most essential properties it can possess, namely, 
 divine love. — O how frequently has the arch-fiend made 
 the terms adoption and election a terror and stumbling- 
 block to young beginners! Yes, those very terms, 
 which are as celestial harmony to many, he converts 
 into a soul-distressing evil to others. Alas ! it is too 
 true he is ever seeking whom and how he may devour. 
 But could the sin-burdened soul, under its pressure of 
 an accusing and guilty conscience, be brought to hear 
 the blessed Jesus inviting all that are in such circum- 
 stances to come directly to him, instead of tarrying by 
 the way to enquire about their election or non-election, 
 they would most assuredly find that peace to their souls, 
 which He who invites them to come would most cer- 
 tainly bestow." 
 
 After this digression I shall resume the narrative, by 
 observing, that in the night-watches at sea, when all is 
 quiet, and the weather fine, it is customary for those 
 men who are on duty to sit down in little companies and 
 sing songs, or tell marvellous tales from the Arabian 
 Nights, &c. &c. by way of keeping each other awake. 
 On these occasions the serious part of the people gener- 
 ally assembled together, and either sung hymns or 
 psalms, or discoursed on the things which made for their 
 everlasting peace. Many a time has my heart been 
 lightened of its burden, as I have listened to those hon- 
 est fellows, while they sang, 
 
 " Weary of wand'ring from my God, 
 And now made willing to return, 
 9 
 
98 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 I hear, and bow me to the rod ; 
 
 To Thee, not without hope, I mourn ; 
 I have an advocate above, 
 A Friend before the throne of love." < 
 
 Captain B. had undoubtedly heard the same more than 
 once, though with very different feelings to my ouii, 
 yet he seemed to want resolution to suppress it. At 
 length, walking the quarter-deck, one fine quiet night, 
 about eleven o'clock, as the crew were singing and re- 
 lating their stories as usual, he affected surprise, and in- 
 quired what noise it was he heard just beneath him. 
 The senior lieutenant, who was then at his elbow, an- 
 swered in a very significant and sneering tone, it was a 
 party of men singing psalms. " Singing psalms !" 
 replied the infurated captain ; " I'll have no such doings 
 in my ship. Go down this instant, Mr. ," contin- 
 ued he, addressing one of the midshipmen, " go down 
 and ascertain whether they are singing songs or psalms," 
 As the young man quickly returned and reported it to 
 be the latter, an official order was immediately given to 
 disperse the offenders, and to report for punishment any 
 person or persons who might in future be found doing 
 the like. And now our old enemy, the senior lieuten- 
 ant, recalled the captain's attention to the evening meet- 
 ings in the witig. The latter affected not to know of 
 any such thing having existed and gave immediate or- 
 ders for their suppression, and for certain officers to visit 
 all parts of the ship every evening, and make report of 
 any assemblies that might be formed for religious con- 
 versation, singing, &c. &c. These orders were com- 
 municated to me the next morninsr. It was in vain to 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 99 
 
 contend against unlimited power. Submission now be- 
 came our duty, and we endeavoured to act on this prin- 
 ciple, though we certainly might have advanced much, 
 against the folly and injustice of such proceedings. It 
 was, however, some consolation to know, that all the 
 other officers in the ship, except the first lieutenant, 
 viewed these arbitrary mandates in a proper light, and 
 eeemed anxious to express their regret at what had hap- 
 pened, by showing me every little attention in their 
 power, and by extending their kind regards to those 
 young gentlemen who more particularly fell under the 
 oppressive hand of their enraged commander. It was 
 now very common for two or three of the commission- 
 ed officers to meet in each other's cabins for serious con- 
 versation and reading the Scriptures; but it was, at the 
 same time, a painful thing to witness many of the poor 
 unthinking crew rejoicing at the suppression of our 
 evening meetings, singing of psalms, &c. &c. But 
 such is the enmity of the carnal heart against God ! 
 
 For some time past my friends had been employed in 
 fruitless endeavours to obtain leave for my return to 
 England, as more than twelve years' unremitting active 
 service on the great deep had much shaken my consti- 
 tution. The repeated changes of climate, sickness, and 
 various hardships encountered in that period, had laid 
 the foundation of rheumatic and other complaints, inde- 
 pendent of the effects of that anxiety of mind under 
 which I had, for more than three years past, laboured 
 in endeavouring to maintain the narrow path of duty, 
 between the trying circumstances of my public station, 
 and those of a follower of Him, whose kingdom and 
 
100 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 people are not of this world. These altogether had 
 produced an effect on the constitution, which, to say the 
 least, required some retirement and repose to counteract. 
 Yet hitherto all endeavours had been unavailing, be- 
 cause my little work was not quite done. But, now 
 that the Sabbaths were almost entirely profaned, and our 
 evening meetings altogether suppressed ; now that the 
 people were forbidden to engage in religious conversa- 
 tion, or to sing praises to God, under pain of being 
 flogged ; now that some were driven out of the ship, 
 and all whom I in any way noticed were oppressed and 
 persecuted; it seemed to myself clear, that my little 
 christian labours were drawing to a close in this place. 
 Under that impression, I besought the Lord to remove 
 me thence, to mark out my future path, and to give me 
 grace to see and follow it. That his gracious provi- 
 dence had opened a way for the introduction of religion, 
 and had blessed the means in various instances, I could 
 have no doubt. I felt equally certain that the change I 
 then beheld could not have happened without his per- 
 mission. It was not for me impatiently to ask, " O God, 
 how long shall the adversary do this dishonour ? how 
 long shall the enemy blaspheme thy name?" I found it 
 more profitable to meditate on our blessed Lord's decla- 
 ration, and that of his servant, " What I do thou know- 
 est not now, but thou shalt know hereafter" — " Now 
 we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face," 
 &c. In this manner I passed not more than two or 
 three weeks, when, to my joy and surprise, the long 
 wished-for order arrived, and I was directed to take a pas- 
 sage in one of the ships then about to sail for England. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 101 
 
 That very forenoon I had held the command on deck 
 from eight to twelve o'clock, and weary with the heat 
 of the weather and activity of duty, I had gone down 
 to my cabin, stretched myself at full length on a sofa, 
 and was half asleep, when one of the midshipmen came 
 running in, and said, "Sir, I am just returned from the 
 admiral's ship with the order for you to get yourself and 
 luggage ready, and repair on board the Royal Sovereign, 
 as she will leave the fleet in one hour's time." And so 
 it was, that in one hour from being engaged in all the 
 activity and responsibility of my naval profession, and 
 at a moment when I almost despaired of ever obtaining 
 a respite, or seeing again the interior of my native land, 
 I found myself divested of all these cares and responsi- 
 bilities ; removed from, under the controul of my un- 
 happy commander ; and standing in the quiet capacity 
 of a passenger on my way home ; meditating on the im- 
 possibility of man's foreseeing what a day may bring forth. 
 
 The moment of quitting the C was no uninte- 
 resting one to my feelings. Many came on deck to see 
 me depart, and many wished me well. I looked round 
 for the last time on a people and place familiar to me for 
 more than four years. A thousand tender recollections 
 were revived ; for from the day in which I joined this 
 vessel, to the hour of leaving her, mercy and goodness 
 had not ceased to follow me. My own mind had under- 
 gone a great change since the former period, and the 
 same change had been experienced by several others. 
 It was the Lord's doing, and marvellous in my eyes. I 
 could say but little to my poor dejected fellow Christians. 
 Their peculiar case lay near my heart, and that heart 
 9* 
 
102 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 foreboded little else than tribulation as their every day's 
 
 lot. During the two years that the C remained 
 
 abroad after I left her, the Lord's day was never once 
 observed. The serious midshipmen were ordered never 
 to visit the officers' cabins, unless on duty; and all the 
 officers, of every description, were prohibited from 
 reading religious books to the people. 
 
 Thus the Retrospect has carried me through some of 
 the principal events of my life, and in conclusion, has 
 shown the rise and suppression of religion in one of his 
 Majesty's ship of war.* Natural curiosity may prompt 
 
 * This ship's complement consisted of six hundred and forty 
 souls. At the time of her return to England, and being laid by 
 in ordinary two years after I quitted her, she had been in commis- 
 sion eleven years. The whole Sabbaths of nearly eight out of 
 the eleven had been entirely profaned, without so much as even 
 the form of divine worship having been observed. Nor was this 
 by any means an uncommon thing in the navy. So far as the 
 writer's observations went, for a certainty two-thirds of our line 
 of battle ships, and nine-tenths of all smaller ships and vessels, 
 were as remiss in honouring and hallowing the Lord's day as the 
 
 C had been. The distinction between Sunday and other 
 
 days at sea consisted, in the writer's time, of setting aside the 
 more laborious and dirty work, mustering the crew in their best 
 clothes, examining and taking an account of their stock of wear- 
 ing apparel, reading the Articles of War every fourth week, and 
 giving liberty for the purchase of an extra and unnecessary por- 
 tion of rum from the shore when in port. When the reflecting 
 mind contemplates this state of things, and connects it with the 
 remembrance of the horrid custom of admitting such swarms of 
 prostitutes on board our ships as soon as they reach their anchor- 
 age, (the writer has known more than three hundred of these 
 wretched beings on board his ship at one time,) how evident it is, 
 that He who hath used the instrumentality of our navy to defend 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 103 
 
 my readers to ask many questions respecting my name, 
 my character, and present pursuits. Now, as to the 
 first of these subjects of inquiry, it really is not worth 
 knowing ; and the second can be truly drawn by none 
 except by Him " who searcheth the heart and trieth the 
 reins of the children of men," and who hath warned 
 both them and me, " if we think we stand, to take heed 
 lest we fall." As to the third, I shall gratify them so 
 far as to observe, that on my return to England, I found 
 my naval friends high in power and office, and willing 
 and able to serve me. God, however, had given me 
 another mind. For, when I looked back through all 
 my professional labours, motives, and acquirements, and 
 tried them in the balance of the sanctuary, I found their 
 amount only vanity and vexation of spirit. Ofttimes 
 had my conscience loudly remonstrated against many 
 parts of my public duty, and there was no prospect but 
 of deepening its wounds while I continued in the ser- 
 vice. In the mean time, the concerns of eternity ap- 
 peared more and more solemnly important. I beheld 
 myself as a creature born for an endless existence, and 
 felt that that existence would be replete with blessedness 
 
 and preserve the country, did not give victory for the sake of the 
 great mass which fought her battles ! It will, however, afford 
 some consolation to the serious reader to know, that the morals 
 and manners of our seamen in general are gradually improving 
 under the various means now used for their instruction in our sea- 
 ports and the merchant service. Whether any real moral im- 
 provement is attempted, or produced on board our ships of war 
 now in commission, I have many doubts to discourage expectation, 
 and but little ground to build any hopes upon — time and events 
 will ere long inform us. 
 
104 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 or misery, according as this little span of time was de- 
 voted to God or to the world. Viewed through this 
 medium, every thing wore a new aspect, and appeared 
 in a different light to what it formerly had done. When, 
 with eternity on my mind, I looked round and contem- 
 plated mankind at large, and those, in particular, whom 
 I left in what is called the high road to honour and 
 happiness, I could not but pity them. I felt the whole 
 force of Cowper's lines, and often repeated them to my- 
 self, saying, 
 
 '' I see that all are wand'rers gone astray, 
 Each in his own delusions ; they are lost 
 In chase of fancied happiness, still woo'd 
 And never won. Dream after dream ensues, 
 And still they dream that they shall still succeed, 
 And still are disappointed. Rings the world 
 With the vain stir. I sum up half mankind, 
 And add two-thirds of the remaining half, 
 And find the total of their hopes and fears — 
 Dreams, empty dreams !" 
 
 What I could I had done to impress their minds with a 
 sense of the reasonableness of seeking first the kingdom 
 of God and his righteousness. I had seen the blessing 
 of the Almighty accompany these endeavours for a 
 season. I had witnessed his unerring providence allow 
 them to be suspended where he had once opened the 
 door for their progress. The same providence had at 
 length removed me from this distressing situation, and 
 in a manner had unfitted me for resuming it again. 
 Indeed, I earnestly longed, should God so permit, to 
 (levote my whole life and exertions exclusively to his 
 
"" THE RETROSPECT. 105 
 
 service in the established church ; to retreat into some 
 humble, quiet nook, and there, far from the strife and 
 tumult of worldly and ambitious scenes, to labour among 
 a poor and plain people for the honour of God, and the 
 good of souls. The subject had been strongly enforced 
 on my attention by several pious friends at Portsmouth 
 and Plymouth, and hence I began to direct my studies, 
 and to arrange my plans in this direction, waiting the 
 indications of Providence to see whether the cloud 
 moved towards the object in view or not. Many and 
 great obstacles presented themselves ; but in the Lord's 
 time they all vanished, and my desires were wonder- 
 fully accomplished. My humble name found a place 
 on the honourable and awful list of labourers in the 
 vineyard of Christ. The people among whom I was 
 appointed to minister were of that description who 
 formerly heard the word gladly. (Mark xii. 37.) And 
 ray situation is as much as possible out of the reach of 
 observation.* 
 
 " Since, then, with few associates, in remote 
 And hurnble life, I live, far, far from those 
 My former partners of the peopled scene, 
 With few associates, and not wishing more. 
 Here much I ruminate, as much I may, 
 With other views of men and manners now 
 Than once, and others of a Ufe to come. 
 
 Nor have I any cause to apprehend I have stepped out 
 of that path which a gracious God had marked out for me. 
 
 * This more particularly applied to the time when this chapter 
 was first published. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 "the lord will take vengeance on his adver- 
 saries, AND he RESERVETH WRATH FOR HIS ENE- 
 MIES." — Nahum i. 2. 
 
 This portion of Holy Writ I conceive is declarative 
 of that vengeance which the eternal Jehovah takes in 
 the present life, as well as of that tribulation and wrath 
 which is to be inflicted in a future state. I am well 
 aware how many awful instances of vice and wicked- 
 ness pass here, without any singular or visible mark of 
 divine anger. Many dreadful sinners are permitted to 
 live out all their days without experiencing any particu- 
 lar trial ; without once smarting under the rod of in- 
 sulted mercy and justice. While they live this is their 
 language: " Our life is short, and in the death of a man 
 there is no remedy. Come on, therefore ; let us enjoy 
 the good things that are present ; and let us speedily use 
 the creatures as in our youth. Let us fill ourselves with 
 costly wines and ointments ; let no flowers of the spring 
 pass by us. Let us crown ourselves with rose-buds be- 
 fore they be withered. Let none of us go without his 
 part of our voluptuousness ; let us leave tokens of our 
 joyfulness in every place ; let us eat and drink, for to- 
 morrow we die." That morrow arrives, and " they de- 
 part with their hearts full of milk, and their bones full 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 107 
 
 of marrow; they are not troubled as other and better 
 men are, neither have they any bands in their death." 
 Stupid, self-confident, and insensible, they quit this stage 
 of mortal existence, and open their eyes in despair and 
 anguish, and begin to drink of that bitter cup which the 
 Lord had reserved for them until that day. 
 
 Such is the state and the end of many sinners ; but it 
 is not the state of all. Some there are, Avho having 
 lived without God and without Christ in the world, de- 
 part hence, with all the sure and irresistible forebodings 
 of eternal wrath ; they are not permitted any longer to 
 deceive themselves ; they are made to think of eternal 
 concerns, and to know that "their summer is past, their 
 harvest is ended, and that they are not saved." Not a 
 few of these, it may be, were long esteemed, and even 
 denominated happy creatures by their companions in 
 folly and sin. Bat in the day of visitation, these com- 
 panions fly from them, as unable to bear and witness the 
 solemn and salutary lessons of such dying beds. Thus 
 the individual bereft of hope and forsaken of man, rolls 
 his eyes in despair, groans as he makes his exit, and 
 quickly enters on a second, an eternal state of indescri- 
 bable misery. 
 
 Others there are, who, in after-life, fight against and 
 overcome every serious impression which the instruction 
 of parents, and the example of pious friends, had once 
 produced. In league with Satan and the world, they con- 
 tend against all the calls of divine mercy and judgment 
 — they silence all the remonstrances of conscience, and 
 refuse, resolutely refuse, to have Christ to reign over 
 them, until at length the sentence goes forth, " Ephraim 
 
108 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 is joined to his idols ; let him alone." Of this descrip- 
 tion I fear the number is greater than many Christians 
 are aware of He that sojourns much among men, not 
 unfrequently meets companions by the way, who bear 
 every mark of being thus given up to follow the devices 
 and desires of their own hearts — men, whose consciences 
 seem callous, as the flesh seared with a hot iron : who 
 appear to have entirely quenched the Spirit; whose 
 whole conduct bespeaks a reprobate mind, and whose 
 awful end stamps the concluding feature of such a mel- 
 ancholy state. True it is, we ought to be extremely 
 cautious in applying this doctrine to individuals : but it 
 is equally true, that we ought not to confound the sinner 
 with the saint. Charity hopeth all things, only so far 
 as reason, facts, and Scripture authorize her. It is not 
 charity to silence, or contradict, the testimony of these 
 guides. For a Christian to indulge a hope of the eter- 
 nal happiness of those who persisted in known and al- 
 lowed sin while they lived, and who died without ever 
 manifesting a reformed practice, or a penitential sorrow 
 — nay, who died in a state of senseless and brutal intox- 
 ication, or in the feelings of rage, hatred, and murder ; 
 or in reviling God, or in uttering oaths and execrations, 
 this is not charity. It is, to say the least, weakness and 
 error ; it is more ; it is a tacit disregard or denial of such 
 Scriptures as declare that the unconverted and unsancti- 
 fied sinner, dying a hundred years old, is accursed. 
 
 For our daily support, we know that it shall be well 
 with those who die in the Lord. Their end, we are 
 assured, will be peace ; and, for our warning, we also 
 know, that the " impenitent wicked shall be turned into 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 109 
 
 hell, and all the people that forget God." Our judg- 
 ment cannot, and ought not, to follow individuals into 
 an eternal world, with any thing like a positive sentence 
 of condemnation, for two reasons : first, because judg- 
 ment belongeth unto God, and he will repay; and, 
 secondly, because we are ignorant of many particulars 
 which are known unto, and mercifully regarded by, the 
 Almighty. Yet we ought not, I again repeat it, to con- 
 found the sinner's fate with that of the saint. If we are 
 afraid to pronounce any one a son of perdition, let us be 
 also afraid to assign salvation to those who, having lived 
 and died in the service of Satan, and in doing the works 
 of the flesh, are pronounced by God himself inadmissi- 
 ble into his heavenly kingdom. 
 
 On witnessing such a close of such a life, our minds 
 ought to be filled with solemn awe, with silent resigna- 
 tion to the will and determination of the Judge of all 
 the earth, fully convinced that he will do right. On 
 such occasions we should do well to prostrate ourselves 
 before his mercy-seat, and daily to implore fresh supplies 
 of grace to enable us to endure unto the end. Let us 
 remember, that so long as we inhabit a body of sin and 
 corruption, we have abundant cause to pass the time of 
 our sojourning here with fear. For we have to " wrestle 
 not only against flesh and blood, but against principali- 
 ties, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness 
 of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high 
 places." Let us, therefore, watch and pray, lest we en- 
 ter into temptation ; let us not only dread the profanity 
 of the blasphemer, and the empty unavailing confidence 
 of the self-righteous Pharisee ; but let us shrink back 
 10 
 
110 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 from every approach to Antinomianism ; let us tremble 
 at the idea of viewing sin, either in ourselves or others, 
 with the smallest complacency, of resting in the head- 
 knowledge and letter of the doctrines of election and 
 final perseverance, while we remain destitute of the 
 spirit and practice of those "who are sanctified hy faith 
 which is in Christ." 
 
 What that spirit and that practice is, will sufficiently 
 appear from consulting the few following texts, among 
 many others of a similar tendency : Phil. ii. 5 ; John iv. 
 84; Romans viii. 5, 6, 9, 10; Gal. v. 22—26 ; Col. iii. 
 12—17; ICor. x. 31; Titus ii. 11—14; Col. i. 10; 
 Phil. iv. 8; Romans vi. throughout; 1 Peter i. 15; 
 2 Cor. vii. 1. 
 
 Having thus far explained myself, I shall proceed to 
 relate a few anecdotes of persons, whose lives and deaths 
 were such, as to leave survivors but little room for hope, 
 and very much for fear, as to their final, their eternal state. 
 
 G. H. was one of the crew of the P , whose 
 
 wreck and destruction have been noticed in the second, 
 third, and fourth chapters of this Retrospect. He was 
 a most notorious thief, drunkard, and profane blasphemer, 
 such as to engage my notice, reprobate as I was, and 
 the notice of all the officers and crew. He seldom es- 
 caped more than six or eight weeks without being 
 flogged, on one of which occasions he frankly told the 
 officers they had better procure his execution, as he 
 should never reform. Dreadfully severe as some of his 
 punishments had been, yet they availed nothing. Time 
 and facts only confirmed the truth of his assertion — he 
 never did reform. Whether he could read or not, or 
 
THE RETROSPECT. Ill 
 
 whether he knew of and believed in the existence of a 
 future state or not, I cannot tell. At this moment I 
 have not the smallest recollection of any one on board 
 ever betraying the least concern about eternity, much 
 less do I recollect any thing in G. H.'s conduct that 
 bespoke him aware that " it was appointed unto all men 
 once to die, and after that the judgment." 
 
 His was a life not only of sin, but of hateful sin ; 
 hateful even in the estimation of other sinners. It was 
 one unvarying round of punishment, oaths, and false- 
 hood, of theft, drunkenness, and punishment, until the 
 time the ship was stranded. When that event happen- 
 ed, a part of two days and one night were expended in 
 great and laborious exertions, by every officer and man 
 on board, as we supposed. But it afterwards appeared, 
 that, while the rest of the crew were labouring to save 
 the wreck, G. H. had found means to enter one of the 
 officer's store-rooms, and also succeeded in enticing a 
 clownish landsman (who had lately volunteered into 
 the service) to bear him company. There they con- 
 cealed, and drank themselves senseless, and slept until 
 the exertions of their comrades were relinquished as 
 fruitless, and the vessel was abandoned to its fate. Sleep 
 and cold at length restored their reason, and roused them 
 from their skulking place to discover their situation, as 
 the sole and uncomfortable possessors of His Majesty's 
 ship P , now lying on its side, bilged, and surround- 
 ed with ice. 
 
 Having succeeded in kindling a fire, and being a little 
 warmed and refreshed, G. H. proceeded to examine such 
 of the cabins, drawers, and officers' trunks as were ac- 
 
112 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 cessible. Plundering was always his delight, but now 
 the abundance of stuff distressed his mind, since he could 
 carry off so little in comparison with the much that 
 must be left behind. To travel with a trunk or load, 
 over the rugged mass of ice that surrounded the wreck, 
 was impracticable ; but he determined to carry off as 
 much as he could. To this end he put on several shirts 
 and various other articles of wearing apparel, com- 
 pleting his equipment with one of the captain's uniform 
 coats, mounted with gold epaulets. A pair of large 
 plated candlesticks next fell in his way, which he mis- 
 taking for silver, determined to save if he saved himself. 
 Being now tolerably well laden, and having again 
 drunk from the wine cases, he and his companion quit- 
 ted the wreck, without knowing whither they were 
 going, and, indeed, without understanding the nature 
 and time of the tide. The consequence was, that soon 
 after they left the vessel, they found the ice in motion, 
 and themselves scarcely able to proceed in any direction. 
 H.'s difficulties were of course much increased by the 
 load of clothes on his back, as well as the lumber in his 
 hands ; but he seemed utterly insensible to every thing, 
 except saving his pillage, and giving vent to his repro- 
 bate feelings, and now more than usually blasphemous 
 mind. Oaths, dreadful oaths and curses, continued to 
 be poured forth from his lips, until one of the massy 
 pieces of ice, on which he stood, clave under him,* not 
 unlike the earth, when it opened and swallowed up 
 Korah and his associates, and he descended with his 
 
 * Not from the natural effect of his weight on it, but from the 
 concussion of the surrounding mass or field of ice then in motion. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 113 
 
 plunder in his hands, and his oaths on his tongue — and 
 the ice closed upon him, and he was seen no more. 
 
 The poor loutish landsman, who at a small distance 
 witnessed and escaped his fate, was exceedingly shocked 
 at what had happened; nor was he much less terrified 
 under the apprehensions of his own danger. He saw 
 no prospect of escaping by land ; and, indeed, there was 
 not, at that time, any refuge from impending destruc- 
 tion, but what the wreck itself offered. Thither a gra- 
 cious Providence directed his attention, and, contrary to 
 all human expectation, enabled him to regain it before 
 the night closed upon him. Here he continued for four 
 or five days, until he was rescued from his solitary and 
 dreary abode by some of the crew who remained at the 
 island. To them, with much honest simplicity, he re- 
 lated the foregoing particulars of himself and the un- 
 happy G. H. 
 
 Mr. Z. was a brother-midshipman and messmate in 
 
 the E , during the eventful period of three years 
 
 which I passed in that ship.* He had enjoyed the 
 privilege of a religious education, and the edifying ex- 
 ample of pious parents ; he knew his Master's will, but 
 he did it not. His father, who was employed in a very 
 respectable mercantile line, was desirous of bringing up 
 this, his only son, to the knowledge and future emolu- 
 ment of his business; but Mr. Z. soon broke through 
 all restraint, and proceeded to such lengths, as to make 
 it necessary he should leave town. Interest was then 
 made with Captain W , and he was received on 
 
 * See Chap. VI. 
 10* 
 
114 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 board as midshipman, not long before we sailed for the 
 Mediterranean. It is but justice to say, that, so far as 
 public naval duty was concerned, he did better than 
 some I have known ; but as to his moral conduct, it was 
 awfully depraved. Religion was the constant butt 
 against which he levelled his wit and ridicule. He 
 mimicked the frailties of some good men, and burlesqued 
 the devotions of others. Several times the Lord per- 
 mitted him to be so filled with his own ways, and so to 
 feel the effects of his vicious course of life, as to be 
 brought to the very brink of eternity. The calls of 
 Providence to him were many and pointed ; but he re- 
 sisted them all with steady persevering success. Not 
 one expression of repentance — not one sign of contrition 
 do I recollect as ever having escaped him on any occa- 
 sion. For the last two years we were together, my 
 Burder's Village Sermons, and a borrowed Bible, were 
 often on our mess-table. But poor Z. not only refrained 
 from reading them himself, but he greatly opposed 
 others, whom he saw occasionally disposed to look into 
 them. Indeed, such was his profane abuse of sacred 
 things, as to shock the minds of some, who were neither 
 conscientious, nor even moral characters. 
 
 Thus he Avent on from bad to worse, until our return 
 
 to England, when I joined the D . Mr. Z. was 
 
 ordered by the port-admiral to repair on board the 
 Y : a circumstance as unexpected as it was con- 
 trary to his wishes. Our ships put to sea at the same 
 time — stormy weather followed — the squadron was sepa- 
 
 ted — the Y was lost — and Mr. Z. and all on board, 
 
 to the number of five hundred, perished together. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 115 
 
 A. B. was a seaman belonging to my last ship, the 
 
 C . He was what the thoughtless part of the crew 
 
 called a jovial good fellow ; i. e. he was ever ready to 
 take the lead in drunkenness, swearing, filthy conver- 
 sation, lewd songs, and lewder practice. Religion, and 
 religious characters, were, of course, objects of his con- 
 tempt. With astonishment he had seen some of his old 
 companions in vice become new creatures ; and there 
 were seasons, wherein he would listen, at a distance, to 
 what was passing among the serious men in the wing — 
 seasons, wherein his conscience smote and condemned 
 him for the life he led. But he loved sin, and was de- 
 termined to silence that conscience. He therefore not 
 only did evil himself, but seemed to take pleasure in 
 others who did the same. In this spirit, about two days 
 before his death, he went to one of his most profligate 
 and favourite companions, and prefacing what he had 
 to advance with a volley of oaths, said, " H. you know 
 
 now that Mr. M s tells us there is a broad road and 
 
 narrow one, and you, you old , and I are in the 
 
 broad one." This was uttered with all that bravado 
 and apparent glorying in iniquity which is peculiar to 
 fools who make a mock at sin. 
 
 The second or third night after this his awful decla- 
 ration, I was ordered on service, with some other offi- 
 cers of the fleet, to reconnoitre the enemy's coast, &c. ; 
 on which occasion A. B. formed one of the crew of my 
 boat. A full moon and clear sky enabled the troops on 
 shore to observe our approach, and to secrete themselves 
 behind the rocks, until we were within pistol-shot of 
 their concealment, when they opened a shower of mus- 
 
116 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 quetry on us, from a quarter we least expected, and 
 from which we could neither defend ourselves, nor fly 
 for a considerable time. At length, when our bustle 
 had a little subsided, and we had retired somewhat fur- 
 ther off, I inquired whether any had received injury, 
 and to my surprise and joy I heard nineteen out of the 
 twenty answer in the negative. But poor A. B., whose 
 station was the farthest from me, made no reply. I saw 
 he had let go his oar, and was leaning against the boat's 
 side ; I went to him, and expressed my hope that he was 
 not much hurt ; but he returned no answer. His eyes 
 were closed ; and, on examination, I found his heart had 
 ceased to perform its wonted office ; for a musket ball 
 had passed directly through the brain, and, in an instant 
 had dismissed the spirit, to give an account of all the 
 things done in the body ! 
 
 What made the exit of this poor immortal the more 
 distressing, was to learn that, previous to his quitting the 
 ship, he had been boasting of the jovial, or rather drunken, 
 manner in which he hoped to pass the morrow evening, 
 having clandesiinely bargained with some others for 
 their grog, with which he intended to keep a feast, 
 either on account of a birth-day or some other particular 
 occasion. But, alas for him ! that morrow's sun arose, 
 not to witness the accomplishment of his plans, but to 
 behold his body committed to the deep, to be turned into 
 corruption. I was directed to read the Burial Service 
 on this occasion, and in so doing, made the necessary 
 pause while his corpse was launched into the sea. My 
 eyes followed it as it sunk, until the proud waves had 
 gone over, and hidden it from our sight. My heart was 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 117 
 
 pained within me ; for I had learnt, not only the cir- 
 cumstances already related, but the more distressing one, 
 that he was actually giving vent to oaths and curses 
 when the ball struck him, and closed his lips in silence 
 for ever in this world ! Whether I contemplated the 
 dead or the living, it was a solemn theme : when I 
 turned my eyes from following the former into the bow- 
 els of the deep, and cast them on the latter, I beheld his 
 nineteen surviving comrades standing around me in 
 thoughtful silence. They, with myself, were so many 
 living instances of a great, a watchful, and a gracious 
 Providence ; and had the circumstances of time and 
 place permitted, I should gladly have improved it, and 
 said, " O that ye were wise — that ye understood these 
 things — that ye would consider your latter end !" " O 
 that ye would praise the Lord for his goodness !" and so 
 reflect on that goodness as to be led to repentance ! 
 
 Whenever I have recollected this preservation of 
 nineteen of the crew, and of myself in particular, it has 
 seemed little less than a miracle, considering how near 
 and how long we were exposed to what may be termed 
 a shower of shot falling like hail among us. It was a 
 time which called for a deliberate exposure of myself, 
 and while I felt it a necessary duty to stand up on the seat 
 of the boat to give my orders and make observations, 
 until we were out all danger, I seldom have had a more 
 composed reliance on the presence and protection of 
 God, than while I was thus acting and seemed as a 
 mark set up for the enemy to shoot at, and which one 
 would think it were impossible for them to have missed. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 "cast thy bread upon the waters; for thou 
 
 SHALT FIND IT AFTER MANY DAYS.— EcCLES xi. 1. 
 
 Blessed be God for such a command, and blessed be 
 his holy name for such a promise ; and blessed be the man 
 who seeks and obtains grace to " work while it is called 
 to-day: who continues steadfast, unmoveable, always 
 abounding in the works of the Lord ;" occupying, with 
 his ten, or his two intrusted talents, until his Lord shall 
 come ! Yes ! I pray that such may, and I know they 
 will, be blessed. Not that the imperfect services, the 
 deficient obedience of the creature, can look for a reward 
 of merit at the hands of the eternal Jehovah, whose 
 every command all the sons and daughters of Adam 
 have more or less broken ; but that it is a present bless- 
 ing, as well as the earnest of a future one, to be disposed 
 and permitted to unite our instrumentality in the work 
 of Him, who, with infinite ease, could accomplish every 
 purpose of his divine will without our agency. 
 
 The fact is, what we call our duty^ should be called 
 and esteemed our privilege. Most men would consider 
 it a great honour, an enviable distinction, to be made the 
 frequent and familiar companions of their monarch's 
 leisure hours — to assist him in arranging the papers of 
 his portfolio, or in adjusting the trifling disorders of his 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 119 
 
 library. These little offices would be esteemed, not as a 
 task, a labour, or a burden, but as a pleasure, a privi- 
 lege, and a mark of kind condescension ; especially if 
 the parties knew their monarch could himself do the 
 thing much better, but that he chose this method of 
 showing his attention and love to them. Well, then, 
 my christian readers, let us endeavor to esteem it our 
 privilege to do the will of Him who sent us hither. 
 And when he invites and directs us to cast our bread 
 upon the waters, to sow our seed in the morning, and in 
 the evening not to withhold our hand, let us learn to go 
 about the work, not as a task, a labour, or a burden, but 
 as a pleasure, a privileged employment in the service of 
 One, who, though King of kings, and Lord of lords, 
 hath nevertheless shown us this mark of distinction ; 
 "that we should be workers together with God." 
 ■ But here, perhaps, two classes of people will step 
 forward and throw in their complaints ; the Jirst lar 
 menting that their situation in life is and has been such 
 as to exclude them from doing any thing for the glory 
 of God and the spiritual good of others : the second, that 
 they have " all day long stretched forth their hands to a 
 stiff-necked and gainsaying people;" that they have 
 long continued casting their bread upon the waters, but 
 that the stream of sin and rebellion has uniformly swept 
 all their labours into the ocean of forgetfulness, and none 
 have believed or remembered their report. 
 
 To the former class of my complaining brethren I 
 would beg leave to observe, that nothing is more com- 
 mon than for Satan and our own hearts to lead us into 
 wild speculations, and fanciful plans and persuasions, 
 
120 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 how we would act were we in this man's situation, or 
 in the other's — what we could and would do, were we 
 possessed of this man's wealth, or of that man's talents 
 and influence. Many a time, my dear reader, have I 
 caught myself thus building up goodly castles in the air, 
 wasting, and worse than wasting, my time in idle Don 
 Cluixote-like reveries, to the overlooking and forgetting 
 that I had my work to do, and my station to act in ; and 
 that, hereafter. I should have to give up my account, 
 and be reckoned with, not according to what I had not, 
 but according to the talents I possessed. 
 
 Be assured my reader, there is not a situation under 
 heaven wherein the real Christian is utterly debarred all 
 opportunities of acting for the honour of God and the 
 good of his fellow-creatures. The poor man on his 
 crutches, and the destitute widow on her sick couch may 
 honour, and often have honoured, God and edified oth- 
 ers. When bereft of every thing this world calls great 
 and good, they have possessed a contented mind as their 
 continual feast. If their neighbors have witnessed the 
 rod of affliction enter their dwelling, they have also wit- 
 nessed their cheerful resignation to the will of Him who 
 breaks and makes whole. Many a precious and scrip- 
 tural word of exhortation hath proceeded from the lips 
 of poor and rustic christian sufferers to the edification 
 not only of the poor and simple, but of the more pros- 
 perous and learned also. As an individual I hesitate not 
 to confess, in the face of the world, that on many occa- 
 sions when I have visited the poor and afflicted of 
 Christ's flock, in the character of a teacher, I have my- 
 self been taught, both by their words and example. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 121 
 
 As to the poor man who is in health, if he have any 
 portion of the love of God shed abroad in his heart, by 
 the Holy Ghost, sure I am, he need not, he will not 
 look far for opportunities of glorifying God and bene- 
 fiting others. His own family or fellow-servants, or 
 near neighbours, will present a field for all his talents 
 and exertions ; a field wherein he may labour accord- 
 ing to his abilities, and be approved of Him who hath 
 already said to many, " Well done, thou good servant ; 
 because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou 
 authority," &c. 
 
 It certainly is not necessary that a man should possess 
 great power or extensive talents to be " useful in his 
 day and generation." Of this truth Jerry T., one of the 
 crew of the C , was a striking instance. His situa- 
 tion in the ship was that of officers' barber and hair- 
 dresser. Being a cleanly smart young man in his per- 
 son, and rather clever at his business, as well as handy 
 in doing little jobs in the officers' apartments, he was a 
 sort of privileged man, and had access to most of their 
 cabins and private liquor cases whenever he pJeased. 
 
 Like barbers in general, Jerry had often some news 
 to relate, or some subject to talk about while performing 
 the duties of his office; but on the topic of religion he 
 was silent. Not but that he could read very well ; but 
 having been born in Ireland, and brought up a Roman 
 Catholic, he literally knew nothing beyond what had 
 been imparted through the medium and mummery of 
 paintings, images, processions, legends, and deluded 
 friars. 
 
 It however pleased God, in the early stage of our 
 11 
 
122 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 exertions, to bring him to a clear understanding of gos- 
 gel truths. His was an honest mind, and open to con- 
 viction. He attended to the readings in the icing, and 
 retired and examined his Bible for himself The Dagon 
 of Roman Catholic ignorance and idolatry fell before 
 him. But this was not all. He not only understood 
 the doctrines of the Gospel, but he felt their renovating 
 effect; and so far as a steady consistent walk and con- 
 versation could prove the fact, he was in Christ Jesus, 
 and became a new creature. And now began his trials 
 from the ship's company in general, and the officers in 
 particular. For several weeks every one of the latter 
 would roast Jerry, as they termed it, on the subject of 
 his Methodism, and praying and singing of psalms in 
 the wing ; but these roastings did not continue beyond 
 half a year, for within that period he had, by a conti- 
 nuance in well-doing, put them all to silence. 
 
 There was so much propriety in his general conduct, 
 so much firmness and patience under ridicule and temp- 
 tation ; such a wise, steady, and yet unassuming manner 
 of defending the cause of religion, when compelled to 
 answer, that he advanced in the esteem of his superiors 
 beyond any thing I could have conceived. In short, he 
 lived to hear some of these officers converse with him 
 on religion in a strain widely different from ridicule*and 
 reproach. As to his conduct among his comrades be- 
 low, it was such as to comfort me whenever I heard or 
 thought of it. We had many Roman Catholics on 
 board, most of whom were extremely ignorant and pro- 
 fane, as well as deplorably bigotted and superstitious. 
 Among these he laboured, reading from the word of 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 123 
 
 God, and conversing with such zeal and understanding, 
 that he was hated by the grossly profane, dreaded by 
 those whose consciences were not entirely callous, and 
 beloved by such as were seeking the Lord Jesus in sin- 
 cerity and truth. Nor have I a doubt but the last day 
 will prove, that no small share of what was effected on 
 
 board the C was brought about through the divine 
 
 blessing on the instrumentality of Jerry T . He, 
 
 therefore, has added one more to the numerous instances 
 that might be brought forward, in proof of a fact which 
 claims our most serious and grateful attention — that 
 great power and extensive talents are not always ne- 
 cessary to a man's being useful as a Christian in his day 
 and generation. 
 
 As to the second description of complainers, who la- 
 ment their having long cast their bread upon the waters, 
 without the smallest prospect of its being found to any 
 good purpose, let me remind them, that it is not always 
 best for us to see too much success attend even our most 
 christian-like labours. It is sufficient for us to know 
 that these labours will not be in vain in the Lord : that 
 " the word is not to return void, but is certainly to ac- 
 complish the thing whereunto it is sent ;" in other words, 
 that " the bread cast upon the waters is to be found after 
 mafty days." We are ansiverable for casting this 
 bread, but not for its being found. The former is our 
 work; the latter is the Lord's. But it must not be 
 forgotten, that in every place where exertions have been 
 made for the glory of God and the good of souls, many 
 who were expected to become the first fruits of an early 
 spiritual harvest, have not been gathered in until a late 
 
124 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 hour, and many not at all ; while, on the other hand, 
 some, of whom little, or perhaps no hope, was cherish- 
 ed, have turned out the most flourishing plants in the 
 Lord's vineyard. Of this I have seen repeated instances, 
 from the day I first began my humble work of reading 
 
 to a few poor seamen in the wing of the C , even to 
 
 this day. But as the last instance of this nature which 
 occurred on board that ship was somewhat out of the 
 common way, I shall adduce it in proof that we ought 
 not to be discouraged when we cast our bread upon the 
 waters, however rough and gloomy those waters may 
 appear to human eyes. 
 
 Robert A. was a young man of rather superior un- 
 derstanding to seamen in general, and, being excessive- 
 ly fond of reading, he had perused and imbibed much 
 evil from many novels, and other vile books ; so that 
 with his natural and acquired talents, he was enabled to 
 proceed some degrees in profligacy beyond many others. 
 He was, what he styled himself in a letter which 1 now 
 possess, " the veriest slave to all manner of vice of any 
 one in the ship." Not all the discipline of the service, 
 nor the presence of his superiors, was sufiicient to bridle 
 his impure and blasphemous tongue. 
 
 The second in the Naval Articles of War provides, 
 " that if any officer, mariner, or soldier, shall be guilty 
 of profane oaths, cursing, execrations, drunkenness, un- 
 cleanness, or other scandalous actions, in derogation of 
 God's honour and corruption of good manners, he shall 
 be punished as a court-martial thinks he deserves." This 
 is a good and salutary law, but most wretchedly execut- 
 ed. I had been more than ten years at sea without wit- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 125 
 
 nessing any thing like a regular punishment for oaths, 
 cursings and execrations. At length, however, poor 
 Robert A. furnished an instance. Having gone beyond 
 all bounds of order and decency, he was one day tied 
 up, and actually flogged for a breach of the former part 
 of the above-cited Second Article of War. This made 
 him more circumspect in the presence of his officers, 
 but it could not reach his heart. He therefore contin- 
 ued in his general conduct much the same, until God 
 himself effectually wrought on his soul, which was 
 done in the following way. 
 
 Being one forenoon stationed in the main-top, and 
 having no active duty to employ his time and drown re- 
 flection, he opened the chest,* and, to his joy, observed 
 a book. In hope of finding some idle story to beguile 
 his mind, he opened it, and began to read. The volume 
 belonged to our circulating library ; it was " Dodd- 
 ridge's Rise and Progress of religion in the soul;" a 
 subject, above all others, most unwelcome to one in his 
 state ; yet he read on, to use his own words, " torturing 
 himself by every line he read." Again and again he 
 wished the book had been a thousand miles off, or that 
 he had never seen it ; yet he told me " that he could not 
 put it away. The reading of it," he said, " pricked him 
 
 * In each of what the landsmen call round-tops, is a chest for 
 holding muskets, seamen's working tools, &c. &c. The main- 
 top of a seventy-four gun ship is capable of seating twenty men ; 
 and at sea there is always a greater or less number of people 
 aloft, in readiness to execute such duty as may be required. It 
 was, therefore, one of my objects to keep a certain number of our 
 library books in the top chests for their perusal, 
 11* 
 
126 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to the heart, but still he read on, drawing all the com- 
 fort he was able from the thought, that by and by twelve 
 o'clock would arrive, and then he should be relieved 
 from this post, and obliged to put the book away." 
 Twelve o'clock at length came, and, being relieved, he 
 flew below ; but he could not fly from his convictions. 
 Ten minutes were found abundantly sufficient to take 
 his dinner, and having left his messmates to drink both 
 his and their own grog, as they pleased, he again sat 
 down to the tormenting, but irresistible book. From 
 that day he became a most patient, meek, and humble 
 Christian. He separated from his old iniquitous com- 
 panions, and passed his leisure hours in hearing, read- 
 ing, and singing with the wingers^ whom he had here- 
 tofore so cordially hated and despised. Nor was all the 
 opposition of his former comrades able, in the smallest 
 degree, to shake him. 
 
 When I first heard the report I could not give it 
 credit, until I had sent for Robert A. to my own cabin, 
 and satisfied myself Indeed, so unexpected and great 
 was the change, that it not only excited general notice, 
 but it actually produced a kind of uproar throughout 
 the seamen's berths, many of whom, like myself, would 
 not credit what they heard, until they had satisfied 
 themselves. To this end some beset him with argu- 
 ments, and some with oaths and ridicule ; others brought 
 him grog, as a supposed irresistible temptation; and 
 when he steadily refused to drink, they threw it in his 
 face. All this, (though of a naturally high spirit) he 
 bore patiently, never to my knowledge uttering one un- 
 becoming expression, or doing one unchristian act, from 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 127 
 
 the day in which he found and read the book in the 
 main-top, to the time of my leaving the ship. 
 
 Let us then, my discouraged reader, take shame to 
 ourselves for fainting and growing weary in well-doing. 
 Let the instance of this poor reprobate, Robert A., and 
 others hereafter to be produced and illustrated, encour- 
 age us to cast our bread upon the waters ; fully confi- 
 dent that it will be found in the Lord's good time ; that 
 it will be found when it shall most redound to the praise 
 of the riches of his grace in Christ Jesus. 
 
CHAPTER XI. 
 
 "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
 neither are your ways my ways, saith the 
 lord : for as the heavens are higher than 
 the earth, so are my ways higher than your 
 ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 
 Isaiah Iv, 8, 9, 
 
 There are few portions of Holy Writ to which my 
 mind turns with more frequency, or with more delight, 
 than to the above, and that in 1 Cor. xiii. 9, 10, 12. 
 " For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But 
 when that which is perfect is come, then that which is 
 in part shall be done away. For now we see through 
 a glass darkly, hut then face to face : now I know in 
 part, hut then I shall know even as also I am known^ 
 Indeed, there are seasons when I feel an inexpressible 
 interest in anticipating the fulfilment of the concluding 
 promise, of " knowing even as I am also known ;" be- 
 cause my present imperfect vision and limited knowledge 
 but too often gave rise to doubts and fears. Wherever 
 the mind directs its attention, whether to the past, the 
 present, or the future, how many difficulties present 
 themselves, not to be solved by man ! A dark cloud 
 rests on much of the divine proceedings in many events 
 which have been, and on many that now are, and pro- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 129 
 
 bably on many that may continue to take place on earth. 
 We know that the eternal Jehovah works for the glory 
 of his own great Name, as the ultimate end of all his 
 mighty and gracious operations. Yet the wicked often 
 flourish like a green bay tree, and the righteous are cut 
 off. Sin stalks forth with mighty strides, and fills almost 
 the whole earth with its evils. Here and there we dis- 
 cover a plant of grace ; but it is not unfrequent that these 
 are removed by a premature and unexpected stroke, just 
 as the blossom is opening, and we are pleasing ourselves 
 with the thought of the harvest of fruits which they will 
 bear to the glory of God and to the good of mankind. 
 Now when we recollect that all hearts are in the Lord's 
 hands, and all events under his control ; we cannot help 
 exclaiming, with Elihu and Isaiah, " Touching the 
 Almighty we cannot find him out ; £br his thoughts are 
 not our thoughts, neither are his ways as our ways," 
 &c. He works, indeed, on the left hand, but we cannot 
 fathom his intentions : he hideth himself on the right 
 hand, that we cannot see into the arcana of his divine 
 will, or understand the purposes of his infinite wisdom 
 and justice, in many things which he permits or or- 
 dains to come to pass. 
 
 How delightful, then, to turn to the Bible, and hear 
 this great, this wise, this glorious Being say to us his 
 creatures, " What I do thou knowest not now, but thou 
 shak know hereafter !" How delightful to think, that, 
 after a few more suns have risen and set, our days of sin 
 and imperfection will be ended ; the glass, through 
 which we now see so darkly, removed, and we shall 
 know, even as also we are known ! 
 
130 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 These thoughts greatly relieved my mind, as I was 
 the other day looking over some letters of a dear departed 
 friend, whose gifts and graces, whose connections and 
 rank in society, and advancement in the divine life, had 
 engaged the attention, and raised the expectations, of all 
 Christians who knew him ; but whose premature death 
 has furnished another instance of the short-sightedness 
 of man, and of the mysterious darkness that often en- 
 velopes the ways of Him who, "being excellent in 
 power and in judgment, and in plenty of justice, does 
 nothing in vain." 
 
 As the Retrospect has led me to produce a few anec- 
 dotes of others, it may not be out of place to bring forward 
 so much of the life and character of this amiable person, 
 as may serve to illustrate the foregoing observations. It 
 will be a pleasing task to pay this small tribute to his 
 memory : and it may not be altogether uninteresting to 
 some of my readers, although in giving it, I must con- 
 tinue to speak of and exhibit myself more than is de- 
 sirable. But the candid reader will see there is no 
 alternative between doing so or maintaining a criminal 
 silence, where the goodness and grace of God call for a 
 certain degree of publicity. I therefore prefer incurring 
 censure for the former, (if censure be due,) rather than 
 condemnation for the latter. 
 
 As it is not necessary that my readers should be ac- 
 quainted with the real name or family connections of 
 my departed friend, I shall speak of him under that of 
 Macarius. and commence my account by observing, that 
 
 it was not more than a year before I quitted the C ■ 
 
 that I became acquainted with him^ and his particular 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 131 
 
 and truly honourable friend, whom I shall call Euge- 
 nius. At that time we all held lieutenant's commissions ; 
 but Macarius and Eugenius were on board the com- 
 mander-in-chief's ship, waiting for, and daily expecting, 
 promotion to the command of a vessel. From the first 
 hour I became known to these young men, I had reason 
 to admire their conduct ; standing, as they did, in a very 
 trying situation, and maintaining, as they long had done, 
 a very praiseworthy and interesting part. 
 
 The number of officers, and extent of society on board 
 a first-rate ship of war, carrying the flag of a com- 
 mander-in-chief, is far greater than many of my readers 
 are aware of This was particularly the case with the 
 one in question. But, out of all the officers who com- 
 posed the staff, and filled the naval, military, medical, 
 and civil departments, there were none, except Maca- 
 rius and his friend, who treated religion with respect, 
 unless the total silence and perfect neutrality of a few 
 could be esteemed such. It was frequently the subject 
 of conversation, and as frequently the subject of contempt 
 and ridicule, even at the commander's own table, where 
 men of considerable reading and intellect levelled their 
 raillery and deistical objections at Christianity and seri- 
 ous characters. This was the real and melancholy state 
 of things at the very time when some of these officers 
 were considered serious men by many, who had read 
 their character only in the language of some public or- 
 ders and official documents. Unhappy men ! what 
 does it now avail that your distant and deceived fellow- 
 mortals once thought highly either of your public or 
 your moral characters ? Ye have, at least most of you. 
 
132 THE RETROSPECT. ' 
 
 been summoned to the tribunal of Him who cannot be 
 deceived, and who will not always be mocked with im- 
 punity. Their idol, this beloved world, is now left be- 
 hind, too unfaithful to continue blazoning forth that 
 commendation which they so anxiously desired — too 
 impotent to administer one drop of water to cool a 
 parched and burning tongue ! 
 
 May the survivors, who aspire after earthly honour, 
 be led to seek that honour that cometh from above, if 
 God peradventure would give them repentance to the 
 acknowledging of the truth ! 
 
 From these unhappy children of this world, let us 
 turn to Macarius and Eugenius, in whom religion and 
 the Bible found two sincere, if not powerful, advocates. 
 It cannot be expected that young men in their circum- 
 stances should be deeply read in theology, or capable 
 of meeting all the cavils of gainsayers in a systematic 
 form. To such attainments they made no pretensions. 
 But that gracious Being, who never leaves himself with- 
 out witness, did not suffer them to be carried away, or 
 even shaken, by the arguments and rank of their op- 
 posers ; 
 
 " Nor number nor example with them wrought, 
 To swerve from truth," 
 
 They were not disputants either from divinity schools or 
 in their own natural disposition, but they revered their 
 Bible. They professed not to be theologians, but they 
 believed the Scriptures to be the word of God. They 
 were not theoretically acquainted with the peculiar and 
 distinguishing doctrines of Christianity, as revealed in 
 
 -*M- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 133 
 
 those Scriptures, any more than thousands of others in 
 this land ; but they were strictly moral, and, in their 
 whole conduct, acted up to what they knew and con- 
 ceived to be right. In short, as moral and upright men, 
 they were not far from the kingdom of God. At the 
 same time, the greatest suavity of manners stamped their 
 general character, and it is difficult to say whether they 
 were more to be admired for their gentlemanly beha- 
 vious, when below with their brother officers, or for 
 their able and excellent method of carrying on the pub- 
 lic duties of the quarter deck. Certainly they were 
 worthy of imitation in both respects. 
 
 Such were Macarius and Eugenius, in character and 
 circumstances, when I had the happiness of becoming 
 first acquainted with them. The dispersed state of our 
 fleet seldom allowed of our being together. But we 
 endeavoured to improve all opportunities of exchanging 
 letters ; and as I found them, like Cornelius the centu- 
 rion, very desirous of being further instructed in the 
 things of God, I sent them Wilberforce's View of 
 Christianity, Cooper's Sermon's on the leading Doc- 
 trines of the Gospel, and some other books likely to be 
 useful. These I accompanied, from time to time, with 
 such remarks and advice as I was able to give, aiming 
 chiefly at two things : first, to fortify their minds against 
 "the trial of cruel mockings," by insisting on the rea- 
 sonableness and paramount necessity of seeking first the 
 kingdom of God and his righteousness ; and, secondly, 
 endeavouring to lead them into clearer apprehensions 
 of the Gospel plan of salvation. Nor were my labours 
 in vain in the Lord. Their views expanded rapidly, 
 12 
 
134 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and their hearts entered into the subject. Eugenius, how- 
 ever, was soon promoted to the command of a ship, and 
 on his quitting- the fleet, we were no longer able to keep 
 up so frequent and regular a correspondence. 
 
 This separation was no small trial to Macarius. He 
 was now left without one person on board to whom he 
 could unbosom himself on the great subjects of religion, 
 of life, death, and eternity. He stood alone, without 
 one friend to strengthen his hands, or to support him in 
 his defence of the Bible and its sacred contents ; a trial 
 which many of my readers, nurtured in the bosom of a 
 religious circle, can but feebly realize in their minds. 
 In his next note I received from him, he expressed his 
 feelings on the great loss he had sustained, observing, 
 "that although he had the happiness of being on the 
 best imaginable terms with all the officers, as far as 
 worldly concerns went, yet he still found something 
 wanting to render their society agreeable." 
 
 Not long after this event the Commander-in-Chief 
 left the ship, with most of the officers of his stafl^ and 
 Macarius once more found himself disappointed of his 
 expected promotion. Solomon has observed, that " hope 
 long deferred makes the heart sick." But the case of 
 Macarius was an exception. Hope had here been long 
 deferred, and expectation more than once baffled, yet 
 the heart was not sick, nor the mind ruffled ; for earthly 
 expectations were now but secondary things with Ma- 
 carius. His first hope and most ardent expectations 
 were above ; hence he appeared to enjoy the privacy 
 and quiet to which the ship was reduced, far more than 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 135 
 
 to regret the present loss of expected promotion, as the 
 change was not a little in favour, of religion. 
 
 Captain ***, who hitherto had maintained a silent neu- 
 trality, (overawed perhaps by the rank and number of op- 
 posers,) began to encourage the observance of the Sabbath, 
 and, as the ship had no chaplain, he undertook to perform 
 divine service himself I need not say how much Ma- 
 carius rejoiced at this dawn of a better state of things. 
 As a christian warrior, he considered it the unfurling of 
 the standard of the cross, and the call to arms. His 
 mind was all activity, and continually on the look out 
 for opportunities of entering into such conversations 
 with the captain and other officers as might lead their 
 attention more closely to the subject, and induce them 
 to read the books he had found so useful to himself In 
 this he had considerable success. Two of the lieuten- 
 ants eventually became serious and intelligent Christians, 
 and have continued to adorn the doctrines of the Gospel 
 by a holy walk and conversation to this day: indeed, 
 one of them is now in the ministry in the Established 
 Church. At the same time his attention was unremit- 
 tingly turned to the great mass of the crew. On going 
 to Gibraltar, he procured fifty Testaments, and a quan- 
 tity of religious tracts, which he distributed among the 
 seamen and marines. That God whom he desired to 
 serve was pleased to encourage him to proceed, by dis- 
 posing many of the people to read them with serious 
 attention, so as to lead him to say, in his next letter, " I 
 assure you it is with heartfelt pleasure I perceive that, 
 even here, where religion has been so much neglected, 
 there are many sparks of it yet unextinguished." 
 
136 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Shortly after this he formed a little select evening 
 party of such officers as appeared at all seriously dis- 
 posed. These met for reading-, and moral and religious 
 conversation, in his cabin, as often as the circumstances 
 of public duty would admit. This, the cold and empty 
 formalist will say, was beginning to carry things to an 
 unnecessary length ; and so, it appears, they thought on 
 board his ship. " I find," said Macarius, in the next 
 note I received, " the adversary begins to feel his prov- 
 ince invaded, in the loss of some of his disciples, and 
 the dread of a change in others. He is busily employ- 
 ing his terrible weapon of ridicule on some of those 
 who profess religion, and who frequent my cabin. This 
 you will consider, with me, as a good sign." I did so ; 
 and could not but thank God, when I saw my friend 
 not only stand the shock unmoved himself, but steadily 
 persist in leading on, and encouraging his little band to 
 the same trying warfare. I now considered him in the 
 fair way of experiencing the various comforts and 
 crosses inseparable from real christian practice. I 
 knew that many eyes would be on him for evil, and that 
 every deviation from the narrow path of duty would be 
 observed, commented on, and unfeelingly magnified, I 
 therefore took the liberty of communicating my 
 thoughts on various subjects connected with his and my 
 own peculiar duties and trials as Christians and officers, 
 with some short account of the difficulties and merciful 
 helps I had experienced ; and, as he wrote to me rather 
 fully in reply, I shall transcribe so much of his letter 
 as will show his teachableness of mind, his activity, and 
 his increasing knowledge of gospel truths. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 137 
 
 « My dear M s, 
 
 " I did hope to have had an opportunity of seeing you 
 last week ; and had not our ships been always so far 
 apart, I should certainly have endeavoured to call on 
 you. I find your advice so congenial to my own ideas 
 of duty, that I much wish it were in my power to have 
 more frequently the benefit of it. An account of the 
 progress the Lord enables you to make in awakening 
 the minds of your fellow-creatures to a sense of the im- 
 portance of religion, always animates me to exertion, and 
 recalls to my mind the dreadful sentence passed on the 
 slothful servant, who hid his talent in the earth. I am con- 
 vinced we all have it in our power to do much good, and 
 I blush at my own inactivity in promoting a cause 
 which, thanks be to God, I every day feel more im- 
 pressed with the love of To my acquaintance with 
 you, my dear M s, I am indebted for what I con- 
 sider the greatest blessing man can bestow on me. I 
 have been induced to read books which have given me 
 a clearer view of the natural and lost estate of man, and 
 of his happy redemption, through the merits of a Sa- 
 viour^ than perhaps would otherwise have come within 
 my reach. Indeed I see the scheme of salvation in so 
 different a point of view from what I formerly considered 
 it, that I tremble in reflecting on the dangerous precipice 
 on which I stood. How little, alas ! is Christ looked 
 up to, as the sole hope, by the generality of professed 
 Christians! Self-righteousness is too often more de- 
 pended on, or, at least, has an equal share in their hopes; 
 and the discourses of too many of our divines, lam sorry 
 to find, countenance this deception ; for, in dwelling too 
 12* 
 
138 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 much on morality, they forget the very foundation of 
 Christianity. 
 
 " Captain * * * continues to countenance religion by 
 reading divine service on the Sabbath. In the hope of 
 rendering myself in some degree useful in the same 
 cause, I have, for the last two Sundays, vv^ith his per- 
 mission, performed the same office in the sick bay,* 
 where, independently of the number who are there con- 
 fined by illness (which generally amounts to more than 
 thirty), I have the pleasure of seeing two of the warrant 
 officers, and several of the other gentlemen. I have 
 each time read one of Taylor's Sermons, but I don't ad- 
 mire them so much as I could wish, for the reason 
 which I before mentioned. They contain very plausible 
 arguments in favour of what is commonly styled reli- 
 gion ; but, in my own opinion, they do not explain the 
 true scope of Christianity, nor do they inform the sinner 
 how he is to commence the work of reformation. In 
 short, I think they are not calculated to bring people to 
 a sense of their sole dependence on Christ, or to induce 
 them to have recourse to a throne of grace for every 
 good and perfect gift. If you can supply me with any 
 which are better calculated to combine Christianity 
 with morality, you will oblige me by so doing. I think 
 I have heard you speak highly of Burder's Village 
 Sermons. My evening cabin party still assembles, and 
 last night amounted to four. I retired with a degree of 
 inward satisfaction, which, I am sure, no gaiety or dis- 
 sipation could ever have afforded." 
 
 * A large room fitted up for the sick, separate from the rest of 
 the crew. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 139 
 
 As I had more than one copy of the Village Sermons, 
 I lost no time in forwarding a set, which Macarius as- 
 sured me were not idle in his ship. They were in many 
 hands, and formed the principal readings in the sick 
 bay. But the time was come for a wider separation. 
 The order for my return to England arrived, and I 
 quitted the fleet without being able to take a personal 
 farewell. Macarius, however, continued to go steadily 
 on, until the Board of Admiralty promoted him to the 
 rank of commander ; and of course obliged him to quit 
 his present situation. This took place not long after 
 my own removal ;^ and, as he was not appointed to a 
 vessel, he returned to England, and repaired to his long 
 absent and affectionate mother, to enjoy the comforts and 
 blessings of domestic and christian society. 
 
 He now embraced every opportunity of enlarging 
 his circle of religious friends, and the providences of 
 God threw him into much of what may be truly called 
 the best society. It was a season greatly to be remem- 
 bered, and would have been so to old age, had he been 
 permitted to reach that period. It was indeed a spirit- 
 ual harvest, a summer of mental blessings; and, as such, 
 he esteemed and endeavoured to improve it. But in the 
 midst of this company of first-rate Christians, and under 
 all his own advancements in knowledge and grace, he 
 never forgot the humble instrumentality of his friend ; 
 nor scarcely ever wrote a letter without alluding to our 
 past days of small things, when sailing on the bosom 
 of a foreign ocean. 
 
 Like all others, he had to contend with a world that 
 lieth in wickedness. In the first letter I received after his 
 
140 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 arrival in England, he said, " I meet with some opposi- 
 tion, and no doubt appear to many as very singular in 
 my opinions; but, while I know that 'the carnal heart 
 is enmity against God,' and that all who will live godly 
 in Christ Jesus must suffer persecution ; I not only ex- 
 pect this, but consider it as a confirmation of my inward 
 hopes of being in the road of truth. A wish to improve 
 in the knowlege of this ' one thing needful,' to quahfy 
 myself for being useful to others, particularly to those of 
 our profession, who sit in much gross darkness, and the 
 hope of being instrumental in bringing some of my re- 
 lations to a true knowledge of Christ, is my only wish 
 for remaining unemployed. For these reasons I have 
 not yet made application for a ship, nor do I think I 
 shall before the summer." 
 
 In perfect consistency with these declarations, he ap- 
 plied his active mind in the unremitting pursuit of that 
 knowledge " which maketh wise unto salvation :" and 
 he certainly grew in grace, and in the knowledge of our 
 Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Hence deep self-abase- 
 ment, continual upbraidings of his heart for want of 
 more activity in, and devotedness to the cause of his Re- 
 deemer, and a child-like submission to all the will of 
 God concerning himself, were features more and more 
 conspicuous in his letters. His last was Avritten but a 
 
 few days before his appointment to the B , and his 
 
 consequent putting again to sea. 
 
 At that time my mind was very anxiously directed 
 towards the work of the ministry, and much exercised 
 in contending with various difficulties which lay in the 
 way of entering on that great work. His friendship 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 141 
 
 would not permit him to look on any subject with in- 
 difference, that much engaged and agitated my mind, 
 much less the present one. His letters were, therefore, 
 filled with declarations to that purpose, intermingled 
 with repeated observations, that constant submission to 
 the will of God was our privilege and duty in this and 
 all other things. Nor did he inculcate a docirine in 
 others, and neglect to apply it to himself Perhaps 
 there never was any period of his life which required 
 the application of these truths more than the then pre- 
 sent moment. He was on the eve of being appointed to 
 a ship, and to be ordered he knew not where, or on 
 what service. He had many dear and affectionate 
 friends, in whose happiness he took no small interest. 
 He was going to leave them, and again to contend 
 with ail the dangers, privations, and difficulties of his 
 professional situation. In this state of things he sought 
 and found a degree of tranquillity of mind, which none 
 but God could bestow. " I wish for nothing," was the 
 language of his letter, " I wish for nothing for myself, 
 but what seems good in his sight ; and my earnest prayer 
 is, for grace to feel contended with whatever lot in this 
 life his providence may order for me. Should your 
 prospects vanish, he will enable you to bear the disap- 
 pointment : should they succeed, I trust you will indulge 
 the thought that the success is from him." 
 
 Such was his state of mind when his appointment 
 reached him. He embarked in the new and important 
 situation of a commander. Nor did his subsequent con- 
 duct disappoint the high expectations of his friends. His 
 unwearied and paternal care to bring up his young mid- 
 
142 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 shipmen in the fear of God, and to the honour and real 
 service of their country, was such as to excite the most 
 grateful feelings in their parents' bosoms; while his 
 steady perseverance in discipline, benevolence, and piety, 
 soon gained the respect and love of all classes on board, 
 so far as the children of this world can love the children 
 of God. 
 
 As to his more immediate and general public conduct 
 as a commander of one of His Majesty's ships of war, it 
 
 left no room for doubt. For although the B was 
 
 a very inferior vessel in point of force and sailing, yet, 
 such was his activity, and such the blessing with which 
 Providence followed his conscientious endeavours to 
 serve his country, that he made more captures than any 
 other commander on the station. Through a winter, 
 and on the coast of America, in a climate far more se- 
 vere for cold and storms than our own, he was conti- 
 nually under way, chasing, cutting off, or boarding the 
 enemy's vessels in shore, while our squadron of larger 
 ships could do little more than lie off at anchor, and wit- 
 ness his almost incredible perseverance. From one of 
 these witnessses I have been personally informed, that 
 for three weeks together, Macarius has been known not 
 to have gone to bed, his only rest being an occasional 
 half-hour's repose on a mattress, from whence, at a mi- 
 nute's warning, he ascended the deck at all hours, to 
 brave out hail-storms, sleet, and snow, continually. Yet 
 even this state of incessant activity and severe public 
 duty did not prevent his performing morning and eve- 
 ning prayers every day ! 
 
 No one will be surprised to hear that, in a short time 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 143 
 
 he most completely established his reputation, not only 
 -with his comrades in the- fleet, but among his enemies 
 on the shore : so that, when a very important expedi- 
 tion was planned, for the capture and destruction of a 
 large convoy, moored in one of the enemy's rivers, Ma- 
 carius was appointed to command the flotilla. Let it suf- 
 fice to say, that this service was crowned with the most 
 complete success in the extent of its captures, and in the 
 exceedingly small loss sustained on the part of the Bri- 
 tish. For notwithstanding the number of soldiers 
 brought to the banks of the river, to annihilate, as they 
 expected, our little troop of heroes, such was the wisdom 
 and presence of Macarius's mind, that the enemy was 
 eluded, and he returned, like David of old, to receive 
 the applause of his countrymen, for having " gone in 
 and out before them" in much courage, wisdom and 
 success. The enemy's newspapers gave a report of this 
 attack, and concluded their observations by saying, 
 " Thus ended an expedition, the most destructive to our 
 states, and effected with the smallest lost on the part of 
 the English, of any thing that has been undertaken on 
 our coasts since the commencement of the war." 
 
 Of the same opinion were the Lords of the Admiral- 
 ty, and the Commander-in-Chief on the station. For 
 the latter soon appointed him to a larger ship, with the 
 rank of post captain, and the former confirmed the ap- 
 pointment. Thus Macarius, at an early age, was ad- 
 vanced as far up the scale of naval promotion as he 
 could go, until years and seniority should bring him 
 within the reach of an admiral's flag. The prospect 
 was cheering to all who knew him : but especially so 
 
144 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to his christian friends. These now looked forward to 
 the exertions of his energetic mind through a wide field 
 of action, not only in the important duties of his profes- 
 sional character, but in the more important ones of a 
 christian philanthropist, devoted to the best interests of 
 mankind. His rank would now lift him above the con- 
 trol of ignorant and irreligious men, and his wisdom 
 and piety could not but be expected to influence many 
 around him. Yes — we fondly hoped, that for this very 
 end the Lord had raised him up, and that many years 
 would be added to his days, and much fruit be borne to 
 the honour of religion and the glory of God. But 
 herein our thoughts were not as the Lord's thoughts. 
 For it was but a little while after obtaining this promo- 
 tion, that he was ordered to cruise ofl' a distant part of 
 the coast. The weather proved severely tempestuous, 
 his ship foundered, and Macarius, with all his crew, 
 sunk in the deep waters, to rise no more until the last 
 trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall awake ; until 
 the graves shall be opened, and the sea shall give up 
 her dead. 
 
 This is one of those events which compel us to ex- 
 claim, " Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him 
 out !" It is one of those events which endear the words 
 of our Lord to my soul, " What I do thou knowest not 
 now, but thou shalt know hereafter." O Macarius! 
 how unlike art thou to thy poor sorrowing friends on 
 earth ! Thy feet tread the cities of the living God, 
 while ours but too often stumble on the dark mountains 
 of ignorance, error, and sin. Thy vision is now unob- 
 scured by a body of flesh ; thy knowledge is no longer 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 145 
 
 confined within mortal limits. In the glory and light 
 of God thou beholdest light, thou seest face to face, thou 
 knowest even as also thou art known. Thy body, in- 
 deed, is sown in corruption, and for an appointed season 
 must lie entombed in the great deep ; but, even there, it 
 rests in sure and certain hope of a glorious resurrection 
 unto an eternal and blessed state. Yes, that which has 
 been sown in dishonour shall be raised in glory, re-uni- 
 ted to its kindred spirit, and with it worship before the 
 throne of God and the Lamb ! Adieu, then, my Macarius ! 
 
 " My lost companion, kindest friend, adieu ! 
 
 Your toils, and pains, and dangers are no more ; 
 - The tempest now shall howl unheard by you. 
 
 While ocean smites in vain the trembling shore ! 
 
 On you the blast, surcharged with rain and snow, 
 In winter's dismal nights no more shall beat ; 
 
 Unfelt by you, the vertic sun may glow, 
 
 And scorch the panting earth with baneful heat. 
 
 The thundering drum, the trumpet's swelling strain, 
 Unheard, shall form the long embattled line; 
 
 Unheard, the deep foundations of the main 
 Shall tremble when the hostile squadrons join. 
 
 Since grief, and sin, and sorrow still molest 
 The wandering vassals of the faithless deep, 
 
 O happier thou, escaped to endless rest, 
 
 Than those who still survive to err and weep !" 
 
 Yet must thy friend indulge his sorrow, though not as 
 one without hope. From him the pleasing dream is 
 quite vanished — hope and fancy can now no more be- 
 guile his mind with the prospect of seeing thee in this 
 humble retreat ; to him on earth thou wilt never more 
 13 
 
146 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 relate thy conflicts, nor tell thy sorrows or thy mercies ; 
 nor will he impart to thee the long account of ways hy 
 which the Lord hath led him even to this day. No ! 
 thou art far better employed in casting thy crown at the 
 feet of Him who hath redeemed thee to God by his 
 blood. In heaven, indeed, thou canst not wear the in- 
 signia of earthly honours conferred by a grateful coun- 
 try ;* but thou wilt for ever wave that palm of spiritual 
 victory which Jesus, the captain of thy salvation, hath 
 put into thine hands. Henceforth thy duty as a citizen 
 shall no more wound thy benevolent heart, by calling 
 on thee to distress, or cut off, thy fellow creatures. The 
 crimes of bad men shall no more ruffle thy mind, nor 
 the inconsistencies of the good excite thy compassion or 
 regret. Thou shalt not weep over the sorrows of any 
 distressed or departing friends ; nor shalt thou again re- 
 tire, under spiritual conflicts, to smite on thy breast, and 
 exclaim, " O wretched man that I am ; who shall deliv- 
 er me from the body of this death?" No! for thou 
 hast reached the haven where thou wouldst be — ^thou 
 hast entered that rest which remains for the people of 
 God. — There He who sitteth on the throne hath made 
 all things new, and God himself is thy present God, 
 visible in the glorified person of Immanual Jehovah 
 Jesus. He has taken thee from the evil to come ; he 
 has wiped away all tears from thine eyes. Thou wilt 
 
 * Soon after peace was concluded, the Prince Regent conferred 
 various honorary titles and distinctions on such naval and military 
 officers as had particularly distinguished themselves, when Maca- 
 rius, whose death had not then been officially ascertained, was 
 made a knight companion of the military order of the Bath. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 147 
 
 henceforth experience no more death, neither sorrow 
 nor crying ; neither wilt thou feel any more pain ; for 
 these were earthly evils, and in heaven are all passed 
 away. O heaven, 
 
 " Thou sweet abode of peace and love, 
 
 Where pilgrims, freed from toil, are bless'd; 
 Had I the pinions of a dove, 
 I'd fly to thee, and be at rest 
 
 But hush, my soul, nor dare repine ; 
 
 The time thy God appoints is best; 
 While here to do his will be miiie, 
 
 And his to fix my time of rest." 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 "the heart knoweth his own bitterness, and 
 A stranger doth not intermeddle with his 
 
 On lately reading- an account of the horrors of mind 
 which the blustering, and professed infidel Volney ex- 
 hibited when overtaken by a storm at sea ; and of his 
 unreserved and unsolicited acknowledgment of a God, 
 when he apprehended his death was at hand, I was 
 brought to the recollection of some occurrences which 
 
 passed when I was once a passenger on board the V 
 
 frigate. 
 
 It was but a few months before I quitted the last ship 
 I served in, that we and the E , another line of bat- 
 tle ship, captured two brigs off the Coast of Sardinia. — 
 On this occasion a commissioned officer, with a party 
 of seamen from each ship, were ordered on board the 
 captured vessels. Whether my commander really con- 
 sidered my services as necessary and desirable to take 
 command of these prizes, or whether he were glad of 
 a fair opportunity of getting rid of me for a season, and, 
 perhaps, altogether, I cannot tell ; but off I was hurried 
 as senior officer, having the other vessel and its com- 
 mander under my orders, with instructions to take the 
 prizes to Gibraltar, and then return up the Mediterra- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 149 
 
 nean with those under my command, and join our re- 
 spective ships whenever and wherever they could be 
 fallen in with. Whatever might be my captain's mo- 
 tives for selecting me on this occasion, I certainly did 
 not feel obliged to him, for, in the then state of the war, 
 the Spanish coast swarmed with their privateers, while 
 my two poor vessels had no means of defence, and very 
 little capabilities for a successful flight, should we be 
 pursued. In short, I considered it much more likely 
 that I should visit a Spanish prison than the Bay of 
 Gibraltar. To that God, who had hitherto always pre- 
 served me, I committed myself and my proceedings, 
 and through his good providence we accomplished the 
 voyage with safety and speed ; when, having delivered 
 the vessels into the charge of the prize agent, I and my 
 brother officer of the E , with our parties of sea- 
 men, embarked on board the V , and in a few days 
 
 sailed for our squadron to the eastward. On my arrival 
 in this happy, dashing ship, as such frigates are gene- 
 rally esteemed, I was ushered into the ward-room with 
 all the respect and politeness customary on such occa- 
 sions. In the society of this ship's ward-room I found 
 much that was pleasing, and much that was distressing; 
 all the officers were young men of intelligent and gen- 
 tlemanly manners, men of reading and cultivated minds; 
 hence there was much more correctness of behaviour 
 and interesting conversation among them than could be 
 found on board of many ships in oui' fleet. This was a 
 pleasure I had not anticipated ; it was the fair side of a 
 picture I had not expected to see. But this same picture 
 had a dark and distressing side, which I was obliged 
 13* 
 
150 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 often to look upon. These young men had, by some 
 means or other, got into a train of deistical reading, and 
 of dangerous, half infidel opinions. The works of Hume, 
 Gibbon, and Voltaire formed a part of their library, and 
 but too frequently engaged their leisure hours. At that 
 time my thoughts and feelings on religious matters were 
 much what they now are ; consequently, it was not long 
 before I and my new associates discovered that we 
 viewed many things in a very opposite light to each 
 other. This discovery was first made by the following 
 circumstance. The junior lieutenant of the frigate had, 
 some days before I joined them, purchased, at a very 
 high price, what the bookseller told him was one of the 
 most popular and sensible novels ever published in 
 England, and that a full chest of them had happily ar- 
 rived at Gibraltar. I think it was the very day I went 
 on board, that one of the officers enquired of the purcha- 
 ser, " How he liked his famous new novel ?" To which 
 the other replied, "I don't know what to think of it: 
 there is too much of religion in it. I have read but a 
 few pages." Hearing this odd description of a novel, 
 and perceiving that neither the enquirer nor the owner 
 of the work cared about reading it, I requested the fa- 
 vour of seeing it; and found its title, " Calebs in search 
 of a Wife," and truly, it did contain much good advice 
 and sound doctrine. To me it proved quite a treat, while 
 it remained unread, and unvalued by the purchaser and 
 his shipmates. This event discovered to them that they 
 had what they termed a religionist among them. And 
 I believe their surprise was accompanied with a strong 
 curiosity to hear what I had to say on so unnautical and 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 151 r« 
 
 V 
 
 unfashionable a subject as the religion interwoven with 
 the tale of Cozlehs. 
 
 I have remarked that the manners and language of 
 my new associates were, for the most part, correct and 
 gentlemanly ; but in the case of the surgeon of the ship, 
 I soon found a melancholy exception, as well as in the 
 lieutenant, who had accompanied me from our squad- 
 ron. The latter, indeed, was a man of no intelligence 
 or information on any subject whatever, but such as 
 were to his disgrace : he was what many hundreds of 
 the lieutenants of the navy then were — a noisy, profane 
 blockhead. On the other hand, the surgeon was a 
 clever, well informed man, who could appear to much 
 advantage in company whenever he chose ; or rather 
 he would have done so at all times, had he been under 
 the influence of real christian principles. As it was, he 
 combined the disgusting and interesting qualities to- 
 gether. The first part of the day generally found him 
 in a sullen and half-melancholy state of mind ; but in 
 the afternoons, when a moderate portion of wine had 
 restrung his nerves, and company and conversation had 
 in a manner silenced the small, still voice within, he 
 became another man, and often launched forth in all the 
 warmth of debate in favour of daring, black infidelity, 
 and in blasphemous denial and contempt of the Holy 
 Scriptures, and of every truth and doctrine they contain. 
 The book Ccelebs having, to a certain extent, made them 
 acquainted with my sentiments, the poor surgeon and 
 my fellow passenger most days purposely introduced, 
 or rather forced, religious subjects into conversation the 
 instant the cloth was removed from the dinner table. 
 
152 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Their aim was, directly or indirectly, to level all at my- 
 self; while they seemed to think I was bound to answer 
 all their nonsense and profaneness, and that it behoved 
 me to explain away, or take upon myself all the faults 
 and follies, real or imaginary, which they brought for- 
 ward against those they called ^'- Methodists^'' a term 
 which, in their vocabulary, comprised individuals of all 
 sects, parties, ranks, and ages, who feared God, and en- 
 deavoured to work righteousness. Hence every ridicu- 
 lous story, and every lying report which they had either 
 read or heard of, was brought forward to make sport at 
 the expense of the Bible, and to prove to me that reli- 
 gion was all cant and hypocrisy, and that its advocates 
 were either fools or knaves. At the close of each of 
 these silly anecdotes and groundless reports they would 
 appeal to me with the air of imaginary triumph, and ex- 
 claim, '-There, what think you, M -s, of that?" 
 
 This merriment, at the expense of the vilified and mis- 
 represented iVIethodists, might have passed off without 
 producing little else than a smile of contempt and pity, 
 had it been the worst I unhappily had to hear : but, as 
 the wine passed round, the surgeon's animal spirits be- 
 came more buoyant, and his profaneness more satanic ; 
 while the objects of his attack were more and more 
 sacred. The reader, by this time, must be aware, that 
 it never was my custom to do what has been justly con- 
 demned both by land and sea, under the designation of 
 ^^ cramming religion down meii s tliroatsP On the 
 contrary, I ever considered it extremely improper to 
 introduce spiritual conversation, until I perceived some- 
 thing like a prospect of doing it with profit to my hearers. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 153 
 
 and credit to the cause of God. As a layman, and an 
 officer in the public service, I felt that my first great 
 business was to endeavour to keep my own heart with 
 all diligence, and thus to speak to others, rather by my 
 actions and conduct than by assuming the office of the 
 preacher. There were, however, times and occasions 
 when it became a duty to speak out, and fearlessly and 
 unreservedly to confess Christ Jesus before men. I need 
 hardly say that such did present themselves more than 
 
 once while I was on board the V . It is true, that 
 
 so far as my poor brainless fellow-passenger was con- 
 cerned, all argument was thrown away, for he really 
 knew not when he was confuted : and oftentimes the 
 conversation of the surgeon was too much like that of 
 a being labouring under the effects of a frenzied brain, 
 to call for any reply. To the more sedate part of the 
 company I however, at times, considered it right to 
 address myself; but here I could go only on general 
 and broad ground, because they knew little of, and cared 
 less about the peculiar doctrines of the Gospel. Yet I 
 hope even this little was not altogether in vain in the 
 Lord. More than once or twice I brought them to ac- 
 knowledge that there must be a God, the Creator of all 
 things ; that his power and rule must extend to and 
 over all his works ; that his approbation or disapproba- 
 tion must mark the conduct of all his rational creatures ; 
 that reverence and gratitude were due from man to his 
 Maker ; and that the circumstance of our holding a tem- 
 porary command over a portion of our fellow-creatures, 
 could never absolve us from that humility, obedience, 
 and love, which were, and ever must be, due to the 
 
154 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 King of kings and Lord of lords. To this length I 
 generally could carry my point, even in the presence of 
 the daring, infidel surgeon, and boisterous, profane lieu- 
 tenant. Not but that they both would continue to pour 
 forth, the one his blasphemy, and the other his nonsense. 
 At times, indeed, they seemed hurried on by a spirit of 
 evil, to such lengths, that I considered it altogether im- 
 proper to be a hearer, and on such occasions, left the 
 table, and repaired on deck, where I could walk, and 
 muse, and sigh over the folly and madness of the heart 
 of man, as a mystery of iniquity, while destitute of the 
 regenerating grace of God. The case of the surgeon 
 much perplexed me. That a person with so much 
 good sense as he appeared to possess, should actually be 
 the dupe of infidelity, even unto atheism, seemed in- 
 credible. Yet, that he should so furiously profess such 
 principles with his lips, and really not believe in thein 
 in his heart, was again what I could hardly think pos- 
 sible. The poet, Campbell, seems, to have, for a while, 
 fallen into the same perplexity, when he beautifully put 
 the question, 
 
 " Oh, lives there, heaven ! beneath thy dread expanse, 
 
 One hopeless, dark idolater of chance, 
 
 Content to feed, with pleasures unrefined, 
 
 The lukevi^arm passions of a lowly mind ; 
 
 Who, mouldering eastward, 'reft of every trust, 
 
 In joyless union wedded to the dust, 
 
 Could all his parting energy dismiss. 
 
 And call this barren world sufficient bliss 1" 
 
 And as the same page informs us, he at length came 
 to the melancholy conclusion, that such infidels, such 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 155 
 
 atheists, were actually to be found ; for thus he proceeds, 
 in strains as enchanting as their theme is dismal — 
 
 " There live, alas ! of heaven-directed mein, 
 Of cultured soul, and sapient eye serene, 
 Who hail thee man ! the pilgrim of a day, 
 Spouse of the worm, and brother of the clay, 
 Frail as the leaf in Autumn's yellow bower, 
 Dust in the wind, or dew upon the flower ; 
 A friendless slave, a child without a sire, 
 Whose mortal life, and momentary fire, 
 Lights to the grave his chance-created form. 
 As ocean-wrecks illuminate the storm ; 
 And when the gun's tremendous flash is o'er, 
 To night and silence sink for evermore !" 
 
 Campbell's Pleasures of Hope. 
 
 In reference to the poor surgeon this matter was, how- 
 ever, cleared up before I left them. One morning, a 
 morning that succeeded to an afternoon of more than 
 usual profaneness on his part, I found him, as was his 
 general custom, pacing the deck alone, sad, and thought- 
 ful. I went to him, and, in as kind a way as I could, I 
 
 said, " S , your conversation at the mess-table has 
 
 often surprised and grieved me beyond measure, but it 
 did especially so yesterday afternoon ; I am utterly 
 astonished that a man of your good sense and abilities 
 should advocate such principles, and advance such lan- 
 guage as you are in the habit of doing." He stopped 
 short, looked a look of desponding melancholy in my 
 face, and exclaimed, " M , you are right ; the prin- 
 ciples you maintain are true — you are on the safe side, 
 and I am damned !" " Damned !" I replied, " why you 
 deny in toto the very existence of hell and damnation!" 
 
156 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 " Ah," said he, " I know there is a hell, and that there 
 is damnation, and I shall go to hell and be damned for 
 ever !" Such a reply as this, uttered, as it unquestiona- 
 bly was, from the agonizing feelings of a guilty con- 
 science, and a despairing state of mind, and accompanied 
 by a look of indescribable distress, fixed me for some 
 moments in silent amazement. His hand still resting 
 on my shoulder — we stood and looked at each other, I 
 in astonishment at what I had heard, and he in evident 
 anxiety to hear what I should say in reply. Recover- 
 ing myself, I resumed the conversation. " S , your 
 
 language now is as absurd, though not so criminal, as 
 that which I before complained of! You say you 
 know there is a hell and a future state ; why then dc 
 you persist day after day in denying these truths ? why 
 endeavour to persuade others that there is no future 
 state of rewards and punishments? Have you not con- 
 stantly maintained that these things are only the dreams 
 of silly fanatics, or the sayings of knavtsh priests'?" 
 He shook his head, and seemed in an agony, while he 
 replied, " Ah ! it is to no purpose your thus talking to 
 me, my doom is fixed — I shall be damned! !" " No, 
 my dear fellow," I interrupted him, "there is mercy 
 with God that he may be feared and relied on, the 
 blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin. Pray for 
 repentance unto life, and your prayer will yet be heard. 
 Remember Him who, while pouring out his soul unto 
 death for sinners, cast his eyes of mercy and compassion 
 on the ignorant, idolatrous, blaspheming Roman sol- 
 diers, and on the unthinking and profane Jews, who sur- 
 rounded his cross, and mocked his sufferings ; think of 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 157 
 
 Him, I say, who at such a time, and under such provo- 
 cations, prayed for his revilers and persecutors, ' Fa- 
 ther, forgive them, they know not what they do.' No, 
 S , I trust that your doom is not fixed, as your pre- 
 sent troubled conscience would persuade you, but that 
 you are still on mercy's ground ; only seek the Lord, 
 and be assured he will be found of you." Here some 
 of the officers coming up to us broke off the conversa- 
 tion, and the next day, falling in with our squadron, I 
 left the frigate and rejoined my own ship, and saw poor 
 
 S no more ; but though I saw him not again, I 
 
 often had him in my thoughts^ and on every such occa- 
 sion I could not but say, " • The heart does indeed know 
 its own bitterness,' does so know it, that a stranger inter- 
 meddles not with it, cannot feel or understand it like unto 
 the sufferer himself, and of all bitterness of heart this 
 must be the severest which springs from the rankling 
 arrows of a wounded and despairing conscience, sinning 
 against knowledge and conviction." 
 
 Does the reader wish to know what ultimately be- 
 came of this unhappy young man ? I can give him 
 but a short and imperfect, though I believe a gratifying 
 account. I left the frigate, as before observed, and saw 
 no more of the blasphemer. Years had passed over my 
 head, and changes and providences, many, merciful, and 
 great, had at length placed me as a minister of God's 
 Avord, in a secluded village in the interior of the king- 
 dom, where the many and multiplying objects of duty, 
 hopes, and fears, connected with my beloved but solemn 
 work, had at length almost obliterated the remembrance 
 
 of those days 1 once passed in poor S 's company 
 
 14 
 
158 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 on board the V frigate. Judge then my surprise^ 
 
 when on returning home after a few days absence, I 
 learnt from the servant a confused account of a Mr. 
 
 S having sent a message by some stranger who was 
 
 travelling our way, begging my pardon and forgiveness 
 for all the pain he had once occasioned me — that he had 
 long wished to make this apology, but had not, until 
 very lately, been able to trace me out ; such was the 
 servant's tale. But who this messenger was, or where 
 
 Mr. S was then living, or in what state of mind, or 
 
 of circumstances he was then to be found, were parti- 
 culars concerning which I could gather nothing further 
 for two or three years, when I learnt that a pious old 
 naval friend of mine had been thrown on board the 
 
 V as a passenger, nof long after I left her, and that 
 
 his judicious and zealous labours were blessed by the 
 
 Almighty to the establishing of poor S in the faith 
 
 and hope of the Gospel ; in which renewed state of 
 heart he returned on shore in the peace of 1814, and 
 had commenced surgical practice in London, where my 
 informant believed he was going on well as a follower 
 of Christ Jesus : being convinced in his own experience, 
 that " The heart knows its own bitterness, and that a 
 stranger intermeddles not with its joys." Further parti- 
 culars I have not been able to obtain concerning him. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 " When backwards, with attentive mind, 
 
 Life's labyrinths I trace, 
 I find my God, unceasing kind, 
 
 Propitious to my peace." 
 
 On a review of the foregoing papers, I cannot but 
 set my seal to the truth of the above stanza, in its fullest 
 and most literal sense ; but the circumstances particular- 
 ized in Chapter VI. crowd, in a more especial manner, 
 a host of other interesting events on the mind. Time 
 has indeed measured out a considerable space since those 
 events took place, but memory, faithful to her office, 
 revives them more and more distinctly. 
 
 Let me then indulge in once more turning back to 
 the island of Minorca. It is a little spot of earth indeli- 
 bly fixed on my mind, and rendered more than com- 
 monly interesting by many circumstances which oc- 
 curred there. — Yes, the very sight and sound of the 
 word Minorca recalls many pleasing and many sorrow- 
 ful events. Not that I assisted in any military exploits 
 on its shores, or acquired naval fame from any thing 
 connected with it ; but it was the spot where I once lay 
 suspended, as it were, between eternity and time; where 
 the balance rose and fell, and the by-stander long waited 
 in suspense whether it would predominate on the side 
 
160 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 of life or death. It was at Minorca, where sick and 
 friendless, unknown and unknowing, I was left behind, 
 a stranger in a strange land, while the calls of public 
 duty directed both friends and companions elsewhere, 
 and to return I knew not when. On these, as well as 
 some other accounts yet to be noticed, I cannot think 
 of this place with indifference. 
 
 Six years after my first return to England from the 
 Mediterranean, or rather nine years from my first going 
 thither, and being left at Mahon hospital, I again visited 
 that part of the world, and Port Mahon in particular.* 
 What a variety of mercies, providences, and judgments, 
 did I not witness and partake of between these two pe- 
 riods ! Yet the events connected with my first and last 
 visits at this moment seem to be equally distinct, and 
 almost as the transactions of the last month ! so short, so 
 fleeting does time in the retrospect appear ! and so ra- 
 pidly do the various cares and enjoyments, the troubles 
 and comforts of life, succeed each other, while their days 
 return no more. 
 
 Standing now on the downward side of the central 
 arch of the bridge of life, and looking back on the rise 
 as well as on the declivity already traversed, I cannot 
 but admire the force and beauty with which the wise 
 
 * Port Mahon is a principal harbour in the island of Minorca, 
 in the centre of which is a small rocky island, whereon a naval 
 hospital has long been built. This port has ever afforded conside- 
 rable relief to our fleets employed on the blockade of Toulon, &c. 
 The French, British, and Spaniards, have been its successive 
 possessors. At the time of my last visit, it was, and has ever since 
 continued, in the hands of the last unhappy people. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 161 
 
 man has painted the instability and fleeting nature of all 
 sublunary things, and take up his words and say, " All 
 these are passed away like a shadow, and as a post that 
 hasteth by ; and as a ship that passeth over the waves 
 of the water, which, when it is gone by, the trace 
 thereof cannot be found, neither the pathway of the keel 
 in the waves ; or, as when a bird hath flown through 
 the air, there is no token of her way to be found, but 
 the light air, being beaten with the stroke of her wings, 
 and parted with the violent noise and motion of them, 
 is passed through, and therein afterwards no sign where 
 she went is to be found ; or like as when an arrow is 
 shot at a mark, it parteth the air, which immediately 
 Cometh together again, so that a man cannot know 
 where it went through : even so we, in like manner, 
 as soon as we were born, began to draw to our end." 
 
 This however is but an additional call to devote the 
 present hour to God, and by meditation, prayer, and 
 praise, to endeavour to draw improvement from the ex- 
 ercise. We cannot recall the days of past times, whose 
 sun is gone down, and whose seasons are for ever 
 ended ; but we may " turn back the attentive mind their 
 labyrinths to trace," and it will be our own fault if the 
 retrospect do not furnish abundant matter wherewith to 
 approach the throne of God ; to approach it in such a 
 manner as may be profitable to our own souls. For 
 myself, I may surely say, when I recollect what dark- 
 ness overshadowed my mind, what carnality reigned in 
 my heart on first visiting Port Mahon, and even when 
 I quitted the hospital ; I have on the one hand abundant 
 cause to implore forgiveness, and equal cause on the 
 
162 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Other to praise that long forbearing and insulted mercy 
 which did not cut me off in such a state — a state wherein 
 there was no love to God^ no desire of the knowledge 
 of his ways. Some fear of his wrath, indeed, was found 
 within me, so long as its threatenings were visibly sus- 
 pended over my head. But no sooner were these threat- 
 enings withdrawn, than my fears and reverence of their 
 author withdrew also. 
 
 It has already been observed, that at the expiration of 
 one month from being put on shore, I again embarked. 
 
 For just at that time the E unexpectedly returned 
 
 to complete her water and provisions ; which having 
 accomplished, she again sailed, and for three years con- 
 tinued to traverse the Mediterranean, on various services 
 and through various fortunes, until our return to Eng- 
 land, as noticed in the conclusion of Chapter VI. 
 
 Had I been permitted to follow the bent of my own 
 perverse inclinations, I should not have rejoined the 
 
 E , For during her absence I had formed a wild 
 
 and preposterous plan, and cherished the unaccountable 
 desire of embarking on board a strange ship ; where, to 
 say the least, the Village Sermons would never have 
 fallen in my way — where many great and important 
 links in the chain of divine providence would have been 
 marred or stricken off — where, in short, I should have 
 altogether fled from my own mercies. But the pre- 
 venting, as well as the preserving, goodness of God was 
 about me ; and on this, as on many other occasions, I 
 soon perceived, 
 
 " Where I had plann'd great cause was there 
 My plan's defeat to bless." 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 163 
 
 No sooner was the arrival of my ship announced 
 than the physician, fearful of a relapse, ordered me on 
 board. Two days afterwards a favourable breeze bore 
 us in slow and easy pace out of the harbour. I looked 
 back on the building under whose roof I had expe- 
 rienced so much pain of body and terror of mind, and 
 did not regret my departure from a place, the very ex- 
 terior view of which harrowed up a train of uneasy 
 thoughts. O how little did I then think, that after nine 
 years' absence, after nine years of mercies and judg- 
 ments, I should again enter that haven with views and 
 sentiments so different to those I then possessed ! — Of 
 the difference of these sentiments and views the reader 
 will be a competent judge, when he bears in mind that 
 my second course of visits were all within the last fifteen 
 months of my naval career, and the very last of them 
 but a few weeks before the total suppression of our little 
 
 religious assemblies on board the C . 
 
 Having been employed on different services at Lisbon, 
 Cadiz, TenerifTe, &c. we were ordered to reinforce the 
 fleet off Toulon. From thence (after some months 
 beating about) we were sent, with the majority of the 
 other ships, to Port Mahon to victual, water, and partial- 
 ly refit. Then it was I first met the dear departed 
 Macarius and his honourable friend Eugenius. — We 
 had exchanged some letters at sea, but had not enjoyed 
 a personal interview until we came into Port Mahon, a 
 place, even on that account alone, more than commonly 
 interesting. But, independent of this circumstance, it 
 was a place where all the powerful, the pleasing, and 
 
164 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the afflicting consequences of the association of ideas 
 were most fully experienced. 
 
 It was a stormy autumnal day, when we entered the 
 haven; the sky lowered with black clouds, and the sud- 
 den gusts of wind from time to time rushed down the 
 well remembered hills in wild fury on the oppressed 
 vessel, leaving a momentary calm between them, only 
 to renew their assaults with greater violence. And 
 such, I thought, (as I gained sight of the well-known 
 hospital building,) and such was the state of my mind, 
 when nine years ago I turned my aching limbs on your 
 couches, and gazed on your dreary walls, and thought 
 on death ! I felt some gratitude for the change which 
 had taken place since that period, as well as much joy 
 in the prospect of becoming better acquainted with 
 Macarius and Eugenius. Nor was it long ere all my 
 anticipations were for once more than realized. There 
 was a union of hearts between us which soon did away 
 the formalities of the world and the natural shyness of 
 strangers. We passed all our leisure time together 
 principally on shore. Sometimes we rambled over the 
 barren rugged hills, and sometimes through the more 
 fertile and refreshing vallies — nor do I hesitate to say, 
 that these rambles, these seasons, stolen as they were 
 from the noise and confusion of nautical duty, and from 
 the invidious eye of man, made up some of the most 
 pleasing and happy portions of time I had then expe- 
 rienced. As such I esteemed them then, and as such I 
 look back on them at this day. The world, and the 
 things of the world, had necessarily much of our time, 
 and this heightened our enjoyment of every little respite 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 165 
 
 and deliverance from its contentions. — Yes, these were 
 precious seasons ; when for an hour or two, abstracted 
 from the cares, and almost forgetting the concerns of 
 earth, we discoursed with freedom and unreserve of the 
 things of heaven, 
 
 Solomon has observed, that " as iron sharpeneth iron, 
 so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend;" 
 and I think the effect of our interviews at Minorca was 
 strikingly illustrative of the justness of his observation. 
 The oftener we met and parted, the more we wished to 
 meet again: the more we discoursed, the closer were 
 our hearts drawn together in that bond of christian 
 friendship which death cannot dissolve, and which eter- 
 nity will not do away. 
 
 On these occasions we never wanted for subjects of 
 conversation, nor did we discourse much on any but 
 those which had a tendency to glorify God and benefit 
 man. — Sweet and interesting seasons ! not again to recur 
 below, but I hope they are to be remembered, and to be 
 enjoyed, when mortality is swallowed up of life. 
 
 In those rambles, as we ascended from the vallies, 
 and gained the summit of now one hill and now another, 
 we beheld the spacious harbour stretching itself beneath 
 us. In its centre the hospital island and its building 
 reared themselves into a sort of watch-tower, while over 
 its whole surface were seen scattered the different ships 
 and all their accompanying boats and vessels, busily 
 employed in fresh preparations to combat the storms of 
 the sea and the violence of the enemy. From these 
 heights, and with such objects before us, it was almost 
 impossible for me not to revert to former times, and 
 
166 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 point out to my friends the spot where I once lay a sort 
 of outcast from God and man. Nor were my more 
 private excursions on the water less interesting to myself 
 than those on the land. To sail round the hospital Is- 
 land, or to row by its rugged base, and to track the 
 path which, as a convalescent, I had often trod, when 
 supported on a staff I measured and re-measured, with 
 feeble faltering steps, the extent of this little coast — to 
 mark the rock-stones on which, faint and exhausted, I 
 often sat down to rest — to survey the point from which 
 my deranged comrade was about to take the fatal leap* 
 — to see the cavern into which the bodies of so many 
 brave men had, in the prime and flower of life, been 
 conveyed previous to their interment, and into which 
 three of my accompanying shipmates had been carried 
 — all this I found not only interesting, but useful, and 
 well calculated to rouse the mind, and lift it up to God 
 in David's words, " Lord, what am I, or what is my 
 father's house, that thou hast brought me thus far '?" 
 
 From contemplating these objects, I now and then 
 directed my eyes to the eastern and opposite side of the 
 
 * The first who died of those who accompanied me to sick 
 quarters, in the paroxysm of his fever, and in that supernatural 
 strength which deUrium often suppUes, leaped out of bed before 
 the nurses were in attendance, quitted the ward, and ran to the 
 side of the cliff, where he vociferously called on his ship, (then 
 many miles away) to send a boat and take him on board. Finding 
 no voice to answer, or any boat to approach, he was on the point 
 of leaping into the sea, when one of the centinels arrived and 
 caught him, and thus prolonged his earthly existence for the short 
 space of twenty-four hours ; for at the expiration of that time he 
 died. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 167 
 
 harbour, where still remained the solitary inclosure 
 which has long been the general burying-place for Brit- 
 ish and all other protestant subjects. Hither the poor 
 Roman Catholic natives (tutored and deceived by their 
 bigoted and political priests) have conveyed the supposed 
 heretics who died at the hospital, and interred them with 
 as little sympathy as they would have earthed over a 
 dead beast. O ! ye British mothers, and wives, and sis- 
 ters ! happy for you that ye never witnessed the insults 
 offered to the remains of those whom ye once called 
 your sons, and brothers, and husbands ! 
 
 I know all our little civilities and kind attentions to 
 the deceased are alike unavailing, both to body and soul; 
 but I would not have them omitted, much less would I 
 have the remains of what were once man treated with 
 such barbarity as the protestant dead are sure to receive 
 at the hands of a Spaniard, an Italian, or a Portuguese. 
 
 Such treatment is to the best feelings of the heart 
 what the rude hand of the sullen maniac would be on 
 the strings of a well-tuned harp. Nor can there be any 
 more of the genuine and lovely spirit of Christianity in 
 the one, than of well-adjusted and soothing harmony in 
 the other. 
 
 But we may hope the dawn of better times is at hand. 
 — Neither is it to me the least interesting circumstance 
 connected with Minorca, that I was permitted to be the 
 harbinger of good tidings of salvation to many. For 
 at Port Mahon I had the happiness and the honour of 
 distributing the first fifty Testaments that had ever ap- 
 peared in the language of the people in that island — yes, 
 I will say the honour ; — for if I were enabled to per- 
 
168 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 form this work in an acceptable spirit before God, the 
 angels in heaven will consider it as a work infinitely 
 raore honourable than the conquest of fifty cities, and 
 the boon itself as far surpassing in real value the collect- 
 ed riches of fifty kingdoms. 
 
 But I hasten to conclude this chapter. For however 
 interesting the events alluded to in it may be to myself, 
 I cannot expect them to aflTord that interest to others — I 
 will therefore only observe, that this was the last place 
 touched at in the Mediterranean by the ship in which I 
 ook my passage home. The want of water occasioned 
 our anchoring off the harbour for two or three days : 
 but as my health was ill calculated for shore exercise, 
 and having neither duty to perform, friends to see, nor 
 Testaments to distribute, I remained on board. When 
 the anchor was weighed, I bid a final adieu to Minorca, 
 with no small portion of those feelings usually connect- 
 ed with the idea of for ever leaving a place where many 
 either of the adverse or pleasing events of life have oc- 
 curred. 
 
 As the ship increased her sail and quickened her 
 flight, I looked back, and from time to time beheld the 
 receding island sinking into the horizon as a thin cloud 
 on the edge of the waters. Had the place afforded op- 
 portunity of giving vent to my full heart, I think it 
 would have dictated the following words : " Farewell, 
 Minorca, farewell! — to me thou hast proved the land of 
 mercy and of judgment — on thy circumscribed shores I 
 have tasted the sweets of christian friendship, and 
 within thy limits I have trembled under the alarms of 
 a troubled mind — within thy sheltering harbour I have 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 169 
 
 joined the scoffer and profane, there I have held sweet 
 communion in praise and prayer with those who feared 
 God — in thy fields and in thy streets I have witnessed 
 the eager desire of thy benighted sons and daughters to 
 obtain the word of God, to possess that living bread 
 which comes down from heaven ; and with thy hunger- 
 ing and thirsting children I have left some portions of 
 that word, which is able to make them wise unto salva- 
 tion by faith in Jesus Christ. — Adieu, Minorca, adieu ! 
 Henceforth thou wilt see my face no more for ever ! 
 For I go to dwell in a far distant, a far happier, and 
 more enlightened land. But O, thou bounteous Giver 
 of all good, hasten the time when missionaries and min- 
 isters after thine own heart shall preach and expound 
 that word which thou hast commissioned thine unworthy 
 servant to leave with this people. — O send forth instru- 
 ments who shall feed them with knowledge and under- 
 standing, until Minorca shall be numbered with the 
 ' isles that wait upon thee and trust in thy name.' " O 
 God of all power and might, reform her idolatrous 
 church ; instruct and sanctify her priests, and lead, en- 
 lighten, and bless her people, for Jesus Christ, our Re- 
 deemer's sake!" 
 
 15 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 "cast thy bread upon the waters; for thou 
 
 SHALT FIND IT AFTER MANY DAYS. — EcCLES xi. 1. 
 
 Many good men are deterred from exertion in their 
 allotted posts and paths of duty, under a very common 
 suggestion of the enemy of souls, that it is useless for 
 them, with their limited abilities, and in their contracted, 
 and, perhaps, humble sphere, to expect any good can 
 arise, or any fruit be found. Nor are men of moderate 
 abilities the only individuals who experience this temp- 
 tation: it is a snare laid in the way of almost every man, 
 and which more or less paralyzes many of their best 
 hopes and exertions. In my own case I can truly say, 
 that I have been held back from promptly setting about 
 a hundred important duties, which at times I might, and 
 ought at once to have attempted, instead of delaying the 
 time, encouraging fears, and going to work, at last, like 
 one who was only half persuaded that the attempt was 
 worth making. Moreover, while such has been the 
 case, with respect to many duties actually attempted, 
 many, alas ! have been hitherto quite delayed ; and now 
 they can never be set about ; for the time, the means, the 
 circumstances, and the individuals either no longer exist, 
 or are removed far beyond my influence and reach. 
 How salutary, how seasonable then is that admonition, 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 171 
 
 " Whatsoever thine hand findeth to do, do it with all 
 thy might." And how encouraging are these assuran- 
 ces; "that the Lord doth not despise the day of sniall 
 things," — that " our labors shall not be in vain in Him 
 whose strength is perfected in our weakness ; and who 
 putteth his treasure into earthern vessels, that the excel- 
 lency of the power may be seen to be of God and not 
 of man:" — who, while he hath bidden us "not to be 
 weary in well doing," hath positively said, " we shall 
 reap if we faint not ;" who hath directed us to " cast our 
 bread upon the waters," with the assurance that " we 
 shall find it after many days." Many a time has the 
 retrospect of gonc-by days brought to remembrance ano- 
 ther and another instance of the Lord's faithfulness to 
 these his promises ; at once to rebuke my unbelief and 
 despondency, and to urge me on to attempt something 
 further, as times and opportunities presented something 
 more to be done. Let us then indulge in that retrospect 
 for a little while, and take a glance at some few circum- 
 stances, not noticed in the preceding pages. It may, 
 through the divine blessing, stir up both the writer's and 
 the reader's heart to go forth hereafter, and " cast our 
 bread upon the waters in some confidence of hope, that 
 we shall find it after many days." 
 
 In the course of my ministerial labours the Lord has, 
 notwithstanding all my fears and hesitations in the path 
 of duty, favoured me with not a few instances, in proof, 
 that he is a promise-making and promise-fulfilling God. 
 I will, however, select one, and only one, from this 
 field, and then turn back again to sea-faring scenes and 
 characters for further illustrations. 
 
172 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 There is an ancient farm-house standing on the dis- 
 tant confines of my parish, whither I had once very 
 often gone to visit a poor young woman, named Char- 
 lotte S s ; who, after suffering much and long under 
 
 a pulmonary consumption, departed triumphing, and re- 
 joicing in hope of the glory of God. Some three years 
 after her happy departure, I one day received a message 
 from one of the survivors of the family, requesting me 
 to call on a sister of the deceased, who had lately been 
 sent home from a distant place of service very ill. On 
 arriving at the house I found the subject of my visit was 
 most seriously indisposed; she was, in reality, in the 
 last stage of the same complaint of which Charlotte had 
 previously died. There is somethingdistressingto human 
 nature in the contemplation of this insidious and fatal 
 disease, as its ravages are generally most extensive and 
 severe among the rising generation ; ofttimes seizing on 
 the most interesting and lovely portion of our young 
 people, and that, too, when and where the fond friends 
 and relatives had been calculating on many years of 
 health and strength to come. Oh, how many of these 
 instances have I witnessed among my flock, my friends, 
 and acquaintance ! But to return to Sophia, for such 
 was her name ; perceiving that her sun was hastening 
 to go down, I proceeded to enquire into her views and 
 her prospects, her hopes and fears, as connected with 
 life, death, and eternity — of her state of preparation for 
 that change, when the body must return to the dust from 
 whence it was taken, and the soul into his presence who 
 gave it — a task this, whatever the reader may think of 
 it, which is often attended with much difficulty and deep 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 173 
 
 anxiety ; requiring, as it does, the exercise of much dis- 
 cretion, tenderness, and christian faithfulness. In So- 
 phia's case, however, these difficulties and anxieties 
 were but little felt; for I found her mind well informed 
 on scriptural subjects, and her foundation of hope built 
 on Christ Jesus, as " the only rock and name given un- 
 der heaven whereon and whereby man can build and 
 be saved." In short, I found her in possession of such 
 a good hope, through grace, that she was enabled 
 calmly and cheerfully to look forward to her dissolution, 
 as an event w^hich she knew could not be far off In 
 the course of conversation, I enquired how long, and 
 by what means, her mind had been brought into a train 
 of serious, christian reflections and practice? when she 
 replied, " Ever since you, Sir, conversed with me and 
 the family one day when you visited dear Charlotte, not 
 long before she died." " Indeed," said I, " I don't now 
 recollect any thing particular as to that circumstance." 
 " Perhaps not, Sir ; but I have never forgotten it. I 
 had obtained leave of absence to come home for a day 
 or two before Charlotte was quite gone; and during 
 that time you called to see her. On leaving her room, 
 you staid a short time, and conversed with us who were 
 below, on the subject of the shortness and uncertainty 
 of human life. I was then in good health, but, Sir, 
 don't you remember, you turned and said to me, ' It is 
 very probable you may never reach your twenty-fifth 
 year?' " " I think I do now recollect something of that 
 circumstance, but what of that?" I answered. "Why, 
 Sir, these were the words which made the first serious 
 impression on my mind. I went to my place of service 
 15* 
 
174 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the next day; and soon after that Charlotte died, and 
 went to heaven ; but your words were, from time to 
 time, coming afresh to my recollection. It is now three 
 years ago, but these words have been on my mind al- 
 most continually ; they led me, through the blessing of 
 God, to reflect, and read, and pray ; they led me to seek 
 that Saviour, who came to seek and to save lost sinners." 
 
 I told her I was thankful to God for such his mercy 
 to her, and for his condescending grace in blessing any 
 thing that I had said or done. With a smile of sweet 
 christian gratitude and faith, she replied, " Yes, Sir ; and 
 now your words will certainly prove true. You said, 
 ' It was very probable that I should never reach my 
 twenty-fifth year :' I am now only twenty-three, and I 
 shall soon be gone." 
 
 Thus ended my first visit, and in a very few weeks 
 Sophia was numbered with those dead who have died 
 in the Lord and are blessed. While that work which 
 eventually ended in her everlasting salvation, had its 
 commencement in the way above described, namely, by 
 the divine blessing going with one short and simple 
 sentence, uttered at the time without a moment's preme- 
 ditation, and thought of no more until three years after- 
 wards, when it was recalled to my remembrance by the 
 individual who had received the benefit! Here then 
 we see, that " bread cast upon the waters," even in the 
 smallest portions, and in a way that scarcely leaves 
 room to expect any beneficial result, may, by and by, 
 be found to the glory of God, and to the good of some 
 of the numerous family of mankind. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 175 
 
 The next illustration will appear in the sequel of 
 
 John P 's humble history. John was one of our 
 
 best fore-castle seamen on board his Majesty's ship 
 
 C r, but, like many others, he was as profane and 
 
 ignorant as a heathen. Our little religious meetings had 
 gone on in the wing* and elsewhere for more than two 
 years before he quitted the ship : but never had he come 
 near any of them. While he attended well to his duty 
 as a seaman, he was totally unconcerned about his soul, 
 and seemed to have neither a thought, nor hope, nor 
 fear as to its salvation or condemnation. Thus things 
 went on with him until the Lord arrested his downward 
 progress, first by afflicting his body, and then by con- 
 vincing his soul of sin. The first of these visitations 
 was by his receiving a very serious hurt in the prose- 
 cution of his usual duty in the ship, w^hich rendered it 
 necessary to send him on shore to the naval hospital at 
 Gosport. As the ship was lying at Spithead at the time 
 of the accident, and it is customary to send a commis- 
 sioned officer with the sick or wounded, I was directed 
 to take him to the hospital. I have not the slightest 
 recollection of any thing in particular which passed on 
 that occasion, nor should I, in all probability, ever have 
 recalled one circumstance connected with that event, 
 had not John himself, several years afterwards, found 
 out my present residence, and called to obtain a certifi- 
 cate to establish his servitude in the navy, and his fair 
 character as a good seamen while we sailed together. 
 It so happened that I was from home the first time he 
 
 * See Chapter VIII. 
 
176 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 called ; so that he amused the inmates of my house with 
 a much fuller account of old times, and of my various 
 
 doings on board the C r than he would have been 
 
 allowed to do had I myself been present. As it was, 
 however, his straight-forward simple tale, which, by the 
 bye, was only the truth, gained full credit with those 
 who listened to it : and while he told them many a ditty 
 of storms, and wounds, and battles that he had shared 
 in, they cheered him with kind words and some neces- 
 sary refreshment. But the most interesting part of all 
 he had to say was, how the Lord had in great mercy 
 brought him to a sense of his sins, and made him ac- 
 quainted with the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom he was 
 trusting for salvation through faith in his blood. And 
 here it appeared that what passed between him and me 
 on our way from the ship to the hospital had been owned 
 of God to begin that work which from that time for- 
 ward had gone on and made poor John a new creature. 
 From his own account, it seems that I called his atten- 
 tion to the many mercies and long forbearance of the 
 Almighty towards him in his many and great preser- 
 vations amidst sundry kinds of deaths : and that next I 
 warned him against hardening his heart to this last, and 
 loud-speaking providence, which, while it had wounded 
 his limbs, had yet spared his life. And lastly, it seems 
 that I entreated him to call on the Lord Jesus as on one 
 able and willing to save to the uttermost all who fly to 
 him for pardon for the past, and grace for the future. 
 This, from his own account, was the substance of what 
 passed in the boat just before he was left behind, and I 
 saw him no more until several winters and summers 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 177 
 
 had passed over our heads, and he was truly born again, 
 even when he had become old ! I need here add no 
 more than to say, that he obtained the certificate he 
 came for, and the pension he was seeking at the Admi- 
 ralty; and that by a subscription among some friends, 
 he was enabled to purchase a wherry on the Thames, 
 where he has for some time past been very usefully 
 employed as an agent of one of the Societies established 
 for the moral and religious instruction of our seamen. 
 Surely this is another illustration of our motto, " Cast 
 thy bread upon the waters : for thou shalt find it after 
 many days." 
 
 Before I lay down my pen, I may perhaps, be allow- 
 ed to say, that John P was always a good specimen 
 
 of our old, and commonly called, hard-aweather En- 
 glish seamen, who, from having been all their lifetime 
 at sea, or on ship board, have but few words in which 
 to clothe their ideas or express themselves on general 
 topics, unless it be in sea phrases and nautical compari- 
 sons. This was and still is, peculiarly the case with 
 
 honest John P , although he has for some years 
 
 been a resident on shore, and a follower of the Lord 
 Jesus Christ. Full well does he know what religion in 
 the heart means, for this kingdom of God is within him j 
 but he cannot go far in expressing his feelings and 
 knowledge of this glorious transformation, in what he 
 would term, a shore-going way. There is, however, a 
 simplicity of manner, and a force and propriety, in his 
 nautical prayers and conversation which have surprised 
 every man of intelligence who has heard him, and is 
 acquainted with the literal signification of John's vocab- 
 
178 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 ulary. A gentleman who was once present, gave me 
 an account of what passed ; as, on that occasion, my 
 name and former humble proceedings were introduced 
 into John's prayer. This took place one old year's day, 
 when he and several other pious seamen, with some 
 landsmen, agreed to keep what is called a watch-nighty 
 that is, to sit up until the old year is gone out and the 
 new one come in, on which occasions the individuals 
 unite in singing, reading of Scripture, and praising God 
 for all his mercies through the various stages of the year 
 about to expire, and then they commence the new year 
 in actual prayer and supplication for his mercy and 
 grace to go with them through the days that may yet 
 be added to their earthly pilgrimage. In these simple, 
 primitive, and edifying exercises, it is customary for 
 several individuals to take a part. On the occasion here 
 alluded to, it came, in the course of their little service, 
 to John's turn to give out a psalm or hymn, and then to 
 engage in prayer, which, my informant assured me, he 
 did with the seriousness of a patriarch, and the simplicity 
 of a little child. This gentleman assured me, that 
 John's whole soul appeared absorbed in penitence, in 
 gratitude, and love to God ; so that he seemed utterly 
 unmindful of any one's presence, save His unto whom 
 he was now addressing himself in confession of sins 
 committed, and in thanksgivings for mercies received. 
 Often his full heart caused his eyes literally to flow down 
 with tears. But it was the peculiarity of his language, 
 and the simplicity of his mixture of confession, suppli- 
 cation, and a sort of conversation with God, while on 
 his kneeS; which exhibited, so strikingly, the character- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 179 
 
 istics of a poor pious sailor's devotions. Weeping like 
 a child, the old hero of many a hard-fought battle, ex- 
 claimed, " O Lord, I am a poor vile, ignorant sinner, not 
 worthy to call on thy name. Lord, I have many times, 
 at this season of the year, sat up to drink, and curse, and 
 swear the old year out, and the new year in, with my 
 shipmates. Yes, Lord, I did so when I belonged to the 
 
 C r. There we sat in the galley most of the night 
 
 sinning against thee. Lord, I did so when thy dear ser- 
 vant Mr. M belonged to our ship. O Lord ! thou 
 
 knowest how that dear man was willing to take us poor 
 sailors in tow for heaven. Lord, thou knowest how he 
 often hailed us, but I would not answer him ; no, nor 
 even throw a rope. O Lord, forgive me, and do thou 
 bless his soul now and for ever." Should this recital 
 induce a smile, oh ! let it not be one of contempt at poor 
 John's simple prayer, which, I doubt not, ascended to 
 heaven, and entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth. 
 Rather let the reader contemplate the case of a vessel 
 lost in error, as to the courses she has iong been steer- 
 ing, and unacquainted with her present latitude and lon- 
 gitude. Let him consider this vessel overtaken, dis- 
 masted, and almost overwhelmed by a storm ; then let 
 him realise to his mind some friendly ship bearing dowTi 
 to her relief, anxious and willing, if possible, to take her 
 in tow; but all these friendly intentions are defeated ; 
 for the besotted crew will neither answ^er the repeated 
 calls made to them, nor even exert themselves to throw 
 a small line on board the friendly ship to receive a tow 
 rope from those who are desirous of rendering assistance. 
 When the reader has proceeded thus far he will, though 
 
180 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 a landsman, have a clue by which he may interpret 
 poor John's simple and undisguised confession of his past 
 conduct, and understand, in a small degree, how expres- 
 sive and to the purpose are many sea terms and nauti- 
 cal phrases, when used by real seamen. O how often 
 has the Saviour of men beheld us like this poor bewil- 
 dered, dismasted vessel, ready to sink into eternity, with- 
 out the knowledge of our situation, and without power 
 or will to help ourselves ? And how often has he borne 
 down in mercy, and asked " Why will ye die?" How 
 often would he have gathered us, as a hen her brood un- 
 der her wings ; but, like John P , we would not 
 
 hear, nor answer, nor make the least effort to flee from 
 the wrath to come, or to lay hold on eternal life. " He 
 would ofttimes have taken us in tow, but we would not 
 even throw a rope." Let the trifler smile at John's con- 
 fession, but let me ever take it up, and repeat it for my- 
 self, to the praise of that mercy which did not leave me 
 or poor John to perish in our ignorance, ingratitude, 
 and stupidity. 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 **CAST THY BREAD UPON THE WATERS; FOR THOU 
 &HALT FIND IT AFTER MANY DAYS— EcCLES xi. 1. 
 
 To proceed with some additional illustrations of our 
 (iiotto, I may here observe, that few persons, who are 
 unconnected with our navy, can be aware of the great 
 difference that runs through ail the interior of different 
 ships composing the same fleet or squadron. In fact, it 
 is in ships as in houses, two of the latter may comprise 
 a part of the same terrace, and in all respects of size and 
 building may be the exact counterpart of each other, 
 while every thing within them, as to comfort, regular- 
 ity, intelligence, and morality, may be as opposite as 
 possible. So it is in ships of the same fleet, and size, 
 and rating on the navy list. In one, the visitor who 
 possesses correct principles, and a well informed mind, 
 may find many things to interest his best feelings, and 
 command his esteem ; while, in the other, he will hear 
 and see little else than what is calculated to excite his 
 pity or contempt. To confine myself, however, to one 
 particular, it may be stated, that the young gentlemen- 
 volunteers, and midshipmen, are so watched over by 
 the captain and commissioned officers, and so trained 
 up in general and professional knowledge on board of 
 some ships, as to bid fair for their one day becoming 
 16 
 
182 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 intelligent and useful members of society, as well on 
 shore as afloat. While in other ships these young can- 
 didates for fame and hard service, are permitted to run 
 wild, to grow up in such ignorance and profaneness, as 
 to become a disgrace to their superiors, and a clog, if 
 not an absolute curse, to the navy, and to society in 
 general — at least, such was the case when I was among 
 them. 
 
 On joining the ship to which I was appointed lieute- 
 nant after the close of the battle of Trafalgar, all the 
 distinctions above pointed out rushed on me with a force 
 I had never expected to realize. Times had been, when 
 I was disposed to indulge a murmur at what I thought 
 unnecessary strictness and order — now I blessed my lot 
 that I had been so ruled and trained up : but it was a 
 melancholy task to look round, and draw the compari- 
 son between the ship I had left, and the one into which 
 I had been promoted. As a young officer, entering on 
 such responsibilities as then involved and surrounded 
 me, I should have rejoiced to have had the advice and 
 example of older and more talented comrades ; but here 
 1 found myself destitute, altogether, of such advantages, 
 and surrounded by a crew of seamen, and a number of 
 petty officers, who, for the most part, were a compound 
 of ignorance and ill behaviour. As to the midshipmen, 
 they seemed to have been long left to themselves ; no 
 superior officer appeared to regard them with the least 
 interest. They were any thmg but what those I had 
 left behind me were. Among these young lads on board 
 my new ship there was one, whose fatherless and friend- 
 less situation called forth my sympathies beyond the 
 
 .5 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 183 
 
 Others. His appearance and behaviour were ill suited 
 to those of a person who was expected, one day, to fill a 
 post of responsibility and honour as a public man. Who 
 had introduced him into the ship I never knew — one 
 thing was clear, that none of the officers interested them- 
 selves about him ; and that he was growing up in igno- 
 rance, untidiness, and ill behaviour. But as this was 
 more his misfortune than his fault, I determined, stran- 
 ger as I was among them, to make some little attempt 
 for his good. To this end I ordered him, often much 
 against his own will, to come to my cabin, where I set 
 him to work at reading, writing, and arithmetic ; en- 
 deavouring, from day to day, to impress his mind with 
 a conviction, that, next to the blessing of God's provi- 
 dence, he must look to, and depend on his own exer- 
 tions to get forward in thcAVorld, and to rise in the navy; 
 as he had not the advantages of rich or influential rela- 
 tives to help him on. How long I continued my office 
 of tutor I cannot now tell, nor have I any recollection 
 
 when and why this youth left the C r, though I 
 
 think it was before I quitted that ship. But at all events, 
 amidst the varying scenes and duties that crowded into 
 my succeeding months and years, I had nearly altoge- 
 ther forgotten the circumstance of having been once so 
 employed; and, certainly, I had never indulged any 
 sanguine hopes or expectations of these little labours 
 producing any efTects, or leading to any results worth 
 mentioning. But here again I was happily disap- 
 pointed. 
 
 It was not until after the general peace, and at a time 
 when I was busily employed in my village ministerial 
 
184 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 avocations, snug in a retreat which few of my old friends 
 and companions had discovered, that I received a letter 
 full of good sense and moral feeling, and overflowing 
 with grateful acknowledgments of my past kindness 
 and attentions. For a while I read on, and knew not 
 what it all meant ; or who it was that thus felt himself 
 obliged to me ; until, at length, the writer informed me, 
 that he had the honour of holding a commission in His 
 Majesty's navy, and that he considered all his then re- 
 spectability and future prospects as resulting from the 
 advice and instructions he had received from me — in the 
 absence of which he believed that he never could have 
 been prepared to advance from the situation in which I 
 
 found him on board the C r. 
 
 In the feelings which dictated that letter, my poor 
 services were unquestionably over-rated; yet, had they 
 never been rendered, it is most probable, partly from the 
 youth's own disinclination at that time to mental appli- 
 cation, as well as from his unfitness to advance without 
 assistance, that the time might have for ever gone by in 
 which the work required to be done must be accom- 
 plished, if done at all. For aught I know to the con- 
 trary, this gentleman is now living, and may one day 
 command a ship of the line and become a British Ad- 
 miral. Let my readers then " Cast their bread upon 
 the waters," as they have an opportunity, believing that 
 it shall be found after many days. 
 
 With one more instance, I will conclude these illustra- 
 tions, not because I have no more to add, but because 
 these will be quite sufficient to our purpose. Having, 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 185 
 
 in the year 1808, arrived at Spithead, and effected a 
 hasty refit of our rigging, and obtained a supply of pro- 
 visions and stores for foreign service, we embaiked 
 
 Admiral B and his suite for Lisbon, where his flag 
 
 ship awaited him, as commander on that station. On 
 this occasion several officers went out with the Admiral, 
 
 among whom was his chaplain, the Rev Mr. T , a 
 
 gentlemanly, intelligent person, with Avhom I very soon 
 formed an intimacy, and found it a pleasure to accom- 
 modate him with what little advantages my cabin afford- 
 ed. When I first learnt that a chaplain was to be 
 among the passengers who, for a time, would partake 
 at our mess-table, I certainly felt no small regret ; for, 
 from the specimens which I had seen of these gentle- 
 men, I had good reason to fear we should have an asso- 
 ciate who would discredit himself ^d his profession, 
 and hurl contempt on every thing like real religion. 
 But in this instance my apprehensions were not realized: 
 
 Mr. T did not appear in danger of being ranked 
 
 with Methodists or saints^ as the w^orld contemptuously 
 denominates all who really fear and love God, but his 
 whole conduct was that of a gentleman who respected 
 himself, and who obtained due respect from others. I 
 soon observed, that the officers who accompanied him, 
 indulged in no improper levities where he was present, 
 w^hile, on the other hand, he was ever ready and able to 
 promote or join in sensible, interesting conversation on 
 general subjects. During the passage, which was a 
 tedious one, he and I passed a good deal of time together 
 in my cabin ; but I could never get him to enter into 
 conversation on decidedly scriptural religion, or the vital 
 16* 
 
186 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 parts of Christianity. Still he was an agreeable compa- 
 nion on ship-board ; and many a pleasing ramble 1 took 
 with him in and about Lisbon after we arrived in the 
 Tagus. One little event, however, produced a coolness 
 betvi^een us, or rather, as I thought, broke up our mutual 
 kindly feelings for ever in this world. About a w^eek 
 before we sailed for Cadiz Bay, he put a little elegantly 
 
 bound volume into my hands, saying, " Here, M , is 
 
 a little book, which I have great pleasure in lending you, 
 as I believe you will be much pleased with its contents." 
 The next day I caught a leisure hour to examine its 
 pages. The subject was " Beath^ metaphysically and 
 philosophically considered." I thought the subject ra- 
 ther an odd one ; or, more correctly speaking, that it 
 was oddly treated. Having myself, for the last four 
 years, been in th% habit of considering death through 
 the medium of the Word of God, without the aid of me- 
 taphysics or philosophy, and believing then, as I believe 
 now, that mine was the only pure and competent source 
 to learn all that can be learnt, and all that behoves us to 
 know on this subject, I did not expect so much gratifica- 
 tion from the perusal of the work in hand as my 
 
 friend T had imagined would be the case ; and 
 
 truly I can say, that the further I read the less I was 
 interested, and the more I was surprised and disgusted. 
 The fact is, my elegant little book was a mass of Jesuit- 
 ical deism, and evasion, and denial of the Holy Scriptures. 
 Before I had got half way through it, I found that its 
 author had the folly and insolence to declare, that all 
 such after consequences of death, as the eternal punish- 
 ment of the impenitent clearly and repeatedly slated in 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 187 
 
 Holy Writ, were altogether unphilosophical, unreas- 
 onable, and unjust! This was more than enough to 
 determine my opinion of the work ; and away I threw 
 it out of my hands— an act, which the metaphysical and 
 philosophical student will probably consider as unpar- 
 donable. I could not, however, thus readily free my 
 mind from a load of perplexity which burdened it. Not 
 that the gilded trash and poison I had been reading had, 
 in the smallest degree, discomposed or unsettled my 
 former views of death in all its characters and conse- 
 quences ; but I was utterly confounded when I endeav- 
 oured to account for its owner putting such a book into 
 
 my hands, with such a recommendation. " Can T 
 
 really believe these essays ? Is the doctrine of this book 
 the creed of him who has signed and solemnly declared 
 his belief in the Articles and Liturgy of the Church of 
 England 7 Can this man, who at his ordination de- 
 clared his ' unfeigned belief in all the canonical Scrip- 
 tures of the Old and New Testament,' believe in this 
 book, which denies all the most fundamental doctrines of 
 God's Word?" Thus I reasoned with myself Again 
 
 I said, " Has not T declared himself inwardly 
 
 moved by the Holy Ghost to take upon himself the 
 office and administration of a christian pastor — and that 
 he thinks himself truly called according to the will of 
 our Lord Jesus Christ, to the office of the ministry, to 
 serve God for the promoting of his glory, and the edifi- 
 cation of his people ?* What then can I think of his 
 thus approving and recommending such a work as this 
 
 * See the Church Ordination Service. 
 
188 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 I have thrown out of my hands ? Is it possible that he 
 can be an infidel at heart, while he is a minister of the 
 Gospel by profession?" My whole soul revoked against 
 coming to this conclusion, and yet I knew not what to 
 think. 
 
 I had occasionally heard of the melancholy biblical 
 ignorance of many of our mathematical, classical, and 
 metaphysical students at Oxford and Cambridge ; hence 
 I tried to think it possible, that after all my friend had 
 said in commendation of this book, he really was not 
 aware of the principles of poison it contained, nor suffi- 
 ciently versed in the Scriptures, to see the entire disa- 
 greement between the two. It was very difficult to 
 bring my mind to this conclusion; but as I had no al- 
 ternative between considering him an infidel wolf in 
 ministerial clothing, or a professor of divinity very little 
 acquainted with the Word of God, I clung to the latter 
 as my resting-point. Then arose the no-easi]y decided 
 question, " What step ought I to take ?" Whether I 
 should civilly return his book without any comment 
 whatever ; or w^hether I should send it back, accompa- 
 nied with my reasons for disapproving its contents. To 
 do the first seemed disingenuous and unmanly, while 
 the second would look like assuming the teacher towards 
 one who, in literary attainments, was greatly my supe- 
 rior — a step that would expose me to the charge of 
 vanity and presumption, and alienate a man whom I 
 wished to respect and include among my friends. At 
 length, however, I determined on this step, and to point 
 out, with as much delicacy and tenderness as I possibly 
 could, consistent with truth and quotations from the 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 189 
 
 Bible, why I could not approve of a work he esteemed 
 and recommended to my notice. My epistle was rather 
 a long one, but I endeavoured to make it as acceptable 
 as I could. During the few days we afterwards re- 
 mained in the Tagus I waited with some interest for the 
 arrival of an answer to my semi-theological communi- 
 cation ; but no such answer made its appearance. We 
 then sailed for Cadiz, and, for several months, were 
 on the coast of Spain, within the reach of correspon- 
 dence, had T felt disposed to write ; this, however, 
 
 he evidently did not, and I concluded, that I had dis- 
 pleased him ; but whether he were the infidel I feared, 
 or the scripturally ignorant clergyman I had tried to 
 believe, I had no means of learning until a period when 
 I least of all expected to be made acquainted with the 
 fact. In short, I never heard any thing of him until I 
 myself had been some considerable time in the ministry. 
 It was then that I was privileged with this additional 
 testimony, that "bread cast upon the waters is found 
 
 after many days." Mr. T , by some means, had 
 
 found out my retreat, and he wrote to me such a letter 
 as the christian reader will easily believe was of no 
 common interest. This epistle briefly informed me of 
 the outline of his history during the years that had 
 passed since we separated at Lisbon to the time of his 
 addressing me ; in which it appeared, that many changes 
 and trials had chequered his lot, and that not a few bit- 
 ters had been mingled in his cup. He had, in the space 
 of that time, quitted the navy — entered on ministerial 
 labours in the spiritual charge of a parish — married a 
 wife, and become the father of several children — and 
 
190 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 deaths the soldhin subject of his once deistical and fa- 
 vourite book, had broken repeatedly into the circle of 
 his family, and children and relatives had been followed 
 to the grave. Thus he had often been called upon to 
 contemplate its approach, and to witness its execution, 
 not metaphysically and philosophically, but practically, 
 so as to know and feel, that if his consolations were 
 not derived from the doctrines of the Gospel, they 
 would never be found from deistical philosophy and met- 
 aphysics. 
 
 All this interested my mind and called forth my 
 sympathies not a little ; but there was one more inte- 
 resting detail behind, namely, that he was now become 
 a preacher of, and theoretically and practically acquaint- 
 ed with, that Gospel of which he acknowledged in his 
 letter he was extremely ignorant at the time we asso- 
 ciated together ; and lastly, that it was the letter I wrote 
 to him when I returned the book of which he was now 
 grieved that ever he should have recommended to my 
 perusal, which, in the hands of God, was the beginning 
 of that great change which he trusted had passed on 
 his understanding and his heart. It appeared by his 
 letter, that on receiving my communication, his pride 
 was, indeed, hurt, that a naval officer should enter on 
 the task, and succeed in it too, of exhibiting his igno- 
 rance of divinity.. His conscience became alarmed that 
 he should, not through infidelity, but ignorance of the 
 Bible, have approved of a work which I had unan- 
 swerably proved to be m direct opposition to that Gos- 
 pel of which he was the professed disciple and teacher. 
 Thus did the Lord begin to open the eyes of his under- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 191 
 
 Standing, and prepare him for those afflictions and duties 
 to which, after a season, he was to be called ; and in 
 the midst of which he was engaged when he made 
 known to me the above particulars. Here again we 
 see how the mercies and grace of God do now, as well 
 as in former ages, illustrate his holy word ; that the 
 most important results are frequently produced by very 
 small, and apparently insignificant means. There were 
 times, both before and after I quitted the navy, when I 
 recollected my former intercourse with this gentleman ; 
 but little did I think or know what the Author of all 
 
 grace had begun to do, or was then doing in Mr. T 's 
 
 heart. I, indeed, felt thankful that I had delivered my 
 own soul by the step I had taken ; but 1 never indulged 
 the most distant hope or expectation of such conse- 
 quences following it. 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 " FOR SO IS THE WILL OF GOD, THAT WITH WELL 
 DOING YE MAY PUT TO SILENCE THE IGNORANCE 
 OF FOOLISH MEN." 1 Pet. ii. 15. 
 
 While our blessed Lord, on all occasions, instructed 
 his followers in the duties which would devolve on 
 them in their various circumstances and situations of 
 life, he warned them of those trials which must come, 
 not merely from the open and bitter hostility of the 
 carnal heart, but from the ignorance and prejudice of 
 men's minds, as to the nature of gospel truths, and the 
 real sentiments and character of his disciples. While 
 the latter will feel and say, " The time past of our lives 
 may suffice to have wrought the will of the Gentiles," 
 the former will think it strange, that any alteration in 
 our views, our taste, and practice, should have taken 
 place ; they will wonder how it is, that we no longer 
 run with them to the same excess of riot and folly, 
 speaking evil of us, as being either crazy, or on the 
 point of becoming so. Of all this, I had much more 
 experience, during the last three years I wore the naval 
 uniform, than I have had during all the time I have 
 been in the ministry. Religion on board a ship, and 
 especially among the officers, was then far more un- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 193 
 
 common than I hope and trust it will ever be again. 
 With my own shipmates things went on pretty well, 
 because they had the means of knowing, that I was 
 neither turned fool, nor gone mad, and they knew also, 
 that I had reason and Scripture on my side to back my 
 opinions and practice ; while, at the same time, they 
 could not but see and allow, that I could and did dis- 
 charge my professional duties as ably as themselves. 
 But with officers in other ships, and further from the 
 scene of action, things were different. These men often 
 heard many a strange tale at my expense ; so that it 
 was very evident, when our ship was in port, that they 
 were anxious to come on board, and see and hear some- 
 thing which, as they thought, would furnish matter for 
 future jokes and merry tales. 
 
 Hence, when they had any acquaintance with my 
 messmates, they would invite themselves on board to 
 dine and pass an evening. I saw clearly through all 
 this, and at times was not a little diverted at their ill- 
 disguised disappointment, when having waited for an 
 hour or two in expectation of something very ridiculous 
 being said or done, they found me not very much un- 
 like those around me. At length, perceiving that I was 
 not likely to break in on the general conversation by 
 beginning to preach, or exhibit any merry-andrew-like 
 tricks, they themselves, though always ill prepared for 
 such an undertaking, would introduce religion, and 
 either attack, or pointedly refer all they advanced to me. 
 On these occasions I ever felt that the discussion of such 
 a topic was ill-timed, and often highly improper ; but, 
 as a gentleman at my own table, it behoved me to treat 
 
 17 
 
194 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 these guests with every respect, to answer them with 
 kindness, and, if necessary, to confute them as briefly 
 and christian- like as possible. In this way I soon got 
 clear of my assailants ; and although I ever regretted 
 having to take a part in these contests, I scarcely ever 
 found them end otherwise than in my opponents con- 
 fessing themselves on the wrong side, and expressing a 
 wish that they were different men. Generally, as they 
 found themselves driven from one position to another, 
 they would take refuge in excuses for their acknow- 
 ledged faults, and particularly would they endeavour to 
 justify the practice of swearing, as an evil that could 
 not be dispensed with in commanding the active duties 
 of a ship of war. Of course, I denied all such neces- 
 sity, and reprobated the practice as ungentlemanly and 
 unofficer-like, as well as contrary to the Scriptures, and 
 to our own Articles of War, or Naval Code. Still 
 they would hold by the necessity of doing it, and stoutly 
 protest, that no one could carry on the duty without it, 
 however much he might wish to refrain. Having al- 
 lowed them for some time to enjoy this one supposed 
 victory in our debate, I produced my reserved confuta- 
 tion, by referring them to my messmates present, whe- 
 ther, during all the time we had sailed together, they 
 had ever heard me swear at the men ? and whether the 
 duties of the ship were not carried on as promptly un- 
 der my orders as under any other officer on board % 
 This appeal, of course, was conclusive, and the subject 
 was given up, generally by their expressing their aston- 
 ishment, and wish that they could do the same. 
 
 Sometimes out of the ship, these things partook, in 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 195 
 
 no small degree, of the ludicrous; while they exhibited 
 enough to prove how easily, and, often, how mischiev- 
 ously the ignorance and prejudices of men may work 
 in defaming religion, and in misrepresenting its advo- 
 cates. I remember, on an occasion of our ship being 
 in harbour, that it was my turn to attend the dock-yard 
 duty with a large party of the crew at the sail loft. At 
 noon the party went off to dinner, from which they re- 
 turned again at one o'clock to their work. During 
 this interval I remained at my post : and as the officer 
 of that part of the arsenal was a pious man, and had 
 two very snug rooms, or cabins, on the premises, I availed 
 myself of his offer, and took possession of one of them 
 for half an hour. Having no book in my pocket, I 
 was glad to find a Bible on the table. This I Avas 
 quietly reading, when Williams the proprietor of the 
 cabin, opened the door, and ushered in a lieutenant of 
 the Victory, then lying at Spithead ; and having mere- 
 ly introduced us to each by name, he withdrew. Find- 
 ing myself thus closeted with an entire stranger, and 
 having very little, just then, to say, I observed, that I 
 had taken a quiet seat there until my men returned, and 
 that I could not but admire the way in Avhich Williams's 
 Bible appeared to have been read, from the numerous 
 marks down its margins. A little common-place chit- 
 chat about our respective ships then followed, and in 
 ten minutes' time my visitor left me again to myself 
 On my leaving the cabin, Williams enquired, " What 
 I thought of Mr. N. ?" to which I answered, " I did 
 not think him either a serious or an interesting cha- 
 racter." " Nor do I, Sir," replied he, " but I thought 
 
196 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 you might do him some good ; I, however, fear that is 
 not likely to be the case : for, on leaving you, he came 
 to me and said, ' Mr. Williams, you may be assured 
 Mr. M has carried his religion too far,' and tap- 
 ping his forehead with the ends of his fingers, he con- 
 tinued, ' depend upon it, Mr. Williams, he is a little 
 cracked here.' I told him, Sir, I had no such thought ; 
 but he went away declaring it was so ; and that such 
 are the consequences of people carrying religion too 
 far." "And such," I replied, not a little vexed, "are 
 the consequences, Mr. Williams, of well meaning men, 
 like yourself, acting so injudiciously as you have done. 
 I cannot but feel astonished and displeased at your thus 
 intruding such a person on me. He will now return 
 to his ship and report, that he has seen and can bear 
 witness to my madness — thus considerable prejudice 
 will be raised, and the cause of religion will suffer 
 through his ignorance and your indiscretion." Poor 
 Williams had nothing to say in his own defence, but 
 that he had done it with a good intention : of which I 
 had no doubt, although that good intention would not 
 ward off the ill consequences of a silly action. 
 
 In the course of the afternoon this same officer again 
 made his appearance; and now was my time, if ever, 
 to grapple with him in earnest, so as, if possible, to 
 leave no doubt on his mind as to my sanity, and sobriety 
 of judgment. But here I had some difficulty, for he 
 evidently wished to shun my advances. At length, 
 however, I fixed my man, and expended most of an 
 hour in discussing professional and general topics, until 
 I found I had dissipated all his fears of contagion, or 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 197 
 
 whatever else made him reluctant to enter into conver- 
 sation, nay, I actually gained so far on his kindly feel- 
 ings and favourable opinion, that it was with some 
 difficulty 1 could excuse myself from going on board 
 his ship to dine the next day. Having thus succeeded, 
 I felt more than half inclined to forgive poor Williams; 
 although it is certain, that had not this second interview 
 taken place, his conduct would have produced conse- 
 quences injurious to truth and rehgion. So necessary 
 is it that discretion should ever go hand in hand with 
 our zeal; and that men should pray for wisdom to know 
 when and how to speak and act, as well as for courage 
 and grace to be found doing the work of God in their 
 various and respective stations. 
 
 As the foregoing little anecdote points out the effects 
 of prejudice, so the one about to be related will exhibit 
 those of misrepresentation. It was while we were ly- 
 ing in the Tagus, moored directly off the city of Lisbon, 
 that I was appointed officer of the guard, and, of course^ 
 during one day and night, I had to board, examine, and 
 report every ship and vessel that arrived or sailed. In 
 the course of the day a British ship of war came in; 
 and on going on board I found, in the person of one of 
 her lieutenants, an old messmate, one with whom I had 
 formerly served for three years as a brother midship- 
 man. F h received me very cordially ; and as they 
 
 were far down the river, and the ward-room dinner just 
 going in, he pressed me to go below and take some re- 
 freshment, while the ship advanced higher up. Scarcely 
 had I taken my seat, before my old messmate most fu- 
 riously attacked me, with much noise and nonsense 
 17* 
 
198 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 about religion. For a while I parried off or replied to 
 him as briefly as possible, until I considered it high time 
 
 to apologize to the company in general for F h and 
 
 myself having engrossed so much of the conversation ; 
 appealing to them that he had driven me to it. The 
 company very politely and good humouredly acquitted 
 
 me of all blame. Upon which F h, giving me a 
 
 clumsy, sea-faring slap on the shoulder, said, " Well, 
 M s, never mind, I'll tell you why I made the at- 
 tack. Before we left Portsmouth I had heard such 
 reports about you that I determined to see into the truth 
 of the case, if ever I fell in with you again. Why, I 
 was told, man, that you were become such a disagreeable, 
 religious fellow, that there was no sitting in your com- 
 pany, for half an hour without being insulted ; and a 
 good deal more of such stuff, which I now find to be all 
 smoke in the wind. To be sure, I think you have got 
 a little more religion about you than you had when we 
 sailed together, but never mind, for I see you are much 
 as you always were ; so here's my hand, my boy, and 
 good luck to you, all the world over." 
 
 Of such sort were the little encounters that often fell 
 in my way, at a time when every one thought it fair 
 play to attack religion in a naval uniform. Yet these 
 little contests, which, be it remembered, I never com- 
 menced myself, generally ended to my satisfaction ; and, 
 on several occasions, not only removed long existing 
 prejudices, but, to a certain degree, produced feelings of 
 respect. Certainly, if by a continuance in well doing, 
 we cannot put to silence the ignorance, the prejudice, 
 and foolish misconceptions of worldly men, we shall 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 199 
 
 never do it by any other means. I am convinced, that 
 consistency of character, and a moderate share of pru- 
 dence; will, sooner or later, command respect from those 
 with whom we associate ; even when they may not feel 
 disposed to follow in our track. Of this I had as many 
 proofs among my shipmates in general as one could 
 reasonably expect to find in the present state of things. 
 All my messmates professed a friendship for me, and, 
 with the exception of one, I believe they all felt so. 
 This was "a pleasant and merciful circumstance, as it 
 smoothened down much of my rough path, and, on some 
 occasions, enabled me to contribute to the general har- 
 mony of our ward-room circle, by showing the indivi- 
 duals where they had misunderstood each other. Nay, 
 in one instance, it enabled me to bring about a recon- 
 ciliation between two of them, the captain of marines, 
 and the purser of the ship, who were only waiting an 
 opportunity of getting on shore to fight a duel ; which 
 might have ended in the destruction of one or both of 
 them. Their hostility had originated at the card table 
 one evening while I was absent on duty; and the cool 
 and deliberate challenge had been given and accepted a 
 day or two before I learnt the fact. Had the parties' 
 views of duelling been similar to my own, the business 
 of mediating between them would have been an easy 
 task, or rather there would have been no call for it. 
 This, however, ^vas not the case ; and well did I know 
 how much easier it would be to prove such a practice 
 at utter variance with every dictate of reason, of justice, 
 and equity, and with every command of God, than it 
 would be to brmg these gentlemen to submit to truths 
 
200 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 they could not disprove. Yet I could not rest without 
 making the attempt; and the more especially as no 
 other person seemed disposed to do it. It was a delicate 
 and difficult work, and I felt the need, as well as the en- 
 couragement of such an injunction and promise as are 
 found in James i. 5. " If any of you lack wisdom, let 
 him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and 
 upbraideth not ; and it shall be given him." I will not 
 disguise or deny, that as the difficulty of my task was 
 great, and my anxiety to succeed in it was great also, I 
 did entreat that wisdom so necessary, and so graciously 
 promised, and I rejoice to say, that, through the blessing 
 of God, I succeeded most completely, and had the hap- 
 piness of leaving these gentlemen on terms of renewed 
 friendship and mutual good will towards each other, 
 when I quitted the ship to return to England ; a circum- 
 stance which I, at this day, look back on with far more 
 pleasure than I do on the part I took in that battle which 
 procured me immediate and flattering promotion, be- 
 cause the one was the saving of life, while the other 
 was the taking of life away. 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 O blest seclusion from a jarring world ! 
 
 Retreat 
 
 Cannot indeed to guilty man restore 
 Lost innocence, or cancel follies past ; 
 But it has peace, and much secures the mind 
 From all assaults of evil," 
 
 COWPER. 
 
 Happiness on this side the grave is at so low an 
 ebb, at such a vast remove from that full fruition which 
 the redeemed enjoy in their heavenly Father's king- 
 dom, that when we speak of our attainments, of our 
 present and past enjoyments of it, we only do so in a 
 comparative sense, either with other inferior or similar 
 beings, or with our own former state of mind. Differ- 
 ent animals and different men are capable of a more or 
 less exalted state of what is 'commonly termed happi- 
 ness according to their perceptive capacities, the cultiva- 
 tion of their minds, and their facilities for gratifying 
 their predominant and ruling desires. The beast, the 
 barbarian, the sceptic, and the believer are thus happy ; 
 but it is only in a comparative sense. When therefore, 
 hs a Christian, I say the last eight days have produced 
 no small portion of happiness, I mean they have afforded 
 enjoyments more exalted than the brute creation has, 
 or can be susceptible of — more refined and substantial 
 
202 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 than many of my fellow-creatures have shared, and far, 
 very far more so than what I myself formerly enjoyed. 
 — These, however, have been infinitely small, in com- 
 parison of those I hope to partake of, when this frail 
 and sinful body returns to its native dust, and the spirit, 
 disencumbered of mortality, returns to God who gave 
 it. Yet I bless the Lord for what I have enjoyed, and 
 am not ashamed to draw the contrast between these and 
 former days, and thus hold up to the vain and thought- 
 less reader another proof that his ways are not the ways 
 of pleasantness, and his paths are not the paths of peace. 
 It is one gracious property in the divine government 
 to produce good from evil, and on many occasions gra- 
 ciously to dispense this privilege to returning prodigals, 
 who having left their kind parent's house, rejected his 
 councils, spurned and cast away his bountiful provision, 
 and scorned all his reproof, do at length, through grace, 
 come to themselves, and arise and return with weeping 
 and supplication to their much abused, but still com- 
 passionate, Father, Thus, in my own instance, foolish, 
 perverse, and sinful as the greater number of my past 
 days and actions have been, yet viewed in the retrospect, 
 and compared with the present, they are not without 
 their benefit. The more they are remembered and 
 pondered over, the more they sink in my esteem and 
 enhance the value of present privileges. For there is 
 scarcely a wind can blow, or a storm arise — there is 
 scarcely an accident can now befall the limbs or lives 
 of my neighbours — there are few complaints can seize 
 their bodies, or delusions of hell infatuate their minds, 
 but in each circumstance the retrospect presents similar. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 203 
 
 and oftentimes more distressing, events, as having been 
 witnessed in others, or deeply shared in by myself. 
 Nor is there a comfort I now enjoy, either political, 
 domestic, or spiritual, but, when viewed in contrast 
 with its opposite and past evil, has a tendency to increase 
 the value of what I now possess. — Thus, through in- 
 finite mercy, I have been taught to esteem as blessings, 
 many things which otherwise might have been over- 
 looked or despised. Having been made to feel adversity 
 myself, I have been taught to compassionate others. 
 From seeing and suffering much, I have imperceptibly 
 acquired a degree of medical knowledge, which now 
 enables me to attend the couches of the sick poor, and 
 often successfully to prescribe to those who in our poor 
 and remote parish would otherwise be forlorn indeed. 
 Having previous to my entering the ministry been exer- 
 cised in the school of opposition, envy, hatred, and 
 malice, and having read man not only in books, but in 
 the army, the navy, and various societies in different 
 parts of Europe, Africa, and Asia, I have come to my 
 present and most important labours with some share of 
 useful knowledge, which has at least helped me hf- 
 ward and taught me to overcome difficulties that other- 
 wise would have been insurmountable. And thus a 
 gracious God on many occasions leads me to extract 
 present good from past evil. As the changes and 
 seasons of the year arrive, and pass away, and are suc- 
 ceeded by others, each in its turn points backward to 
 its corresponding portion, and although unable to " can- 
 cel past follies," yet each speaks an audible and intel- 
 ligible language, and says, be humble for the past; 
 
204 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 he thankful for the present. This is certainly the caae 
 in the review of the last eight days,* and the recollec- 
 tion of similar past seasons. For when the retrospect 
 glances at the Christmas seasons, at the old, and new 
 year's days, which have marked a long succession of 
 years, it can relate nothing of the greater part of them, 
 but that they were spent in heathen indifference, and 
 awful ignorance of the nature and attendant blessings 
 connected with the advent of our Lord Jesus Christ, 
 and of the duties and devotions in which, as men and 
 professed Christians, we should employ our minds on the 
 conclusion of one year and the commencement of ano- 
 ther. — They are distinguished from other days only 
 as they were more prolific of folly, revelling, incon- 
 sideration, and sin. But in the great number which 
 thus passed away, my mind has been much struck, and 
 I hope humbled by the recollection of one in particular, 
 which occurred during my first visit to the Mediterranean. 
 After our return from the campaign and conquest of 
 Egypt we remained some weeks at Malta. Indepen- 
 dent of the casualties of active warfare, the climate of 
 the former country had swept multitudes into eternity, 
 and enfeebled many of the survivors ; nor did the air 
 of Malta relieve, but rather prolong and increase, the 
 evil in my own and other cases in our ship. Several 
 of the crew were landed, and only a part ever returned. 
 As for myself, although I continued on board, I was too 
 
 * This paper was first drawn up on the 2d of January, 1816; 
 of course the eight days alluded to included Christmas-day, as 
 well as the succeeding old and new year's days, as they are 
 commonly termed. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 205 
 
 much reduced to be able to keep the deck or to do any 
 duty ; and at the time our ship was ordered to sea, I 
 considered myself in a confirmed consumption. 
 
 On the last day of November, just after the com- 
 mencement of the rainy tempestuous season, we sailed 
 with a party of troops for the Isle of Elba, a voyage 
 (had the wind and weather proved favourable) of not 
 more than four days; but which employed us five and 
 twenty to complete. During this time we had to con- 
 tend with incessant gales of wind, and a miserably old 
 and leaky vessel. Such a change from heat to cold, and 
 from rest to labour, (for our ship made from two to three 
 feet water every hour,) exhausted our diminished and 
 debilitated crew, and soon laid up the captain, both lieu- 
 tenants, and master, leaving only myself, the gunner, 
 and one midshipman* to take command of the deck. — 
 But this laborious and trying passage, which transferred 
 almost every name from the watch- bill to the sick-list, 
 was commissioned to produce an entirely different effect 
 on myself For in one week after quitting port, I was 
 able to resume and continue my whole duty, by night 
 and day, and from that period I enjoyed much better 
 health than many of my comrades. At length, on the 
 forenoon of Christmas-day, we reached our destination, 
 and anchored in Porto Ferrajo. It was impossible, after 
 such a voyage, not to enjoy the repose and comforts of 
 a well sheltered harbour ; nor would Christianity have 
 refused that enjoyment, or forbidden us the comforts of 
 a social dinner and a cheerful evening, so that we had 
 
 ♦ The writer's rank at that time was master's mate. 
 18 
 
206 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Still remembered and been thankful for the redemption 
 of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ, and for our de- 
 liverance from the toils and dangers of our uncomforta- 
 ble voyage. But alas ! not one of us had the least de- 
 sire thus to commemorate the day. On the contrary, 
 all the officers, whose health would admit, dined toge- 
 ther, and passed the evening to a late hour, in loud and 
 profane songs, hard drinking, and all that silly, loose, 
 and unchristian conversation which never fails to ac- 
 company such parties. I certainly knew ivhy this day 
 had, from the early ages of the church, been set apart 
 as a day of christian thankfulness ; but I do not recollect 
 that my heart felt the slightest degree of gratitude or 
 love to God for the inestimable gift of his only begotten 
 and dearly beloved Son. Nor did I once thank him for 
 having "brought us to the haven where we would be." 
 Such was my Christmas-day at Elba ! It was what the 
 world would call a jovial one, what some would even 
 call a happy one. — It was what I then enjoyed ; but my 
 enjoyments were those of the sensualist and the brute, 
 which left the body enfeebled by excess, and the mind 
 dissatisfied with itself 
 
 This day of unchristian hilarity was soon followed 
 up by keeping the last day of the old year, and the first 
 one of the new, in the usual manner — in revelling, ban- 
 quetting, and excess ; in stamping the broad seal of ini- 
 quity, rebellion, and spiritual madness on the conclusion 
 of the one and on the commencement of the other ; in 
 filling up the measure of our own and each other's sins, 
 and at the same time wishing each other a merry 
 Christmas and a happy new year. What fools ! what 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 207 
 
 folly ! what perversion of words, and of times and sea- 
 sons! O man, man! whether thou wilt hear, or 
 
 whether thou wilt forbear, I will again repeat "that 
 madness is in thine heart while thou livest in thy natu- 
 ral and unrenewed state ; for thou callest evil good and 
 good evil ; thou puttest bitter for sweet, and sweet for 
 bitter ;" and the end of these things is declared to be 
 death ; not the 
 
 *' lUikXa juaxQov diiigfiova, vt^^yq6Tov, ^nvoVy* 
 
 " The long, the endless sleep, 
 From which no mortal wakes," 
 
 of ancient or modern sceptics, but an eternal seclusion 
 from that river of life, the streams whereof make glad 
 the city of God — an eternal seclusion from the kingdom 
 of that gracious Saviour, in whose presence there is a 
 fulness of joy, and at whose right hand there are plea- 
 sures for evermore. It is an eternal death to all the 
 blessings of that rest which remains for the people of 
 God ; and it is an eternal life to endure the gna wings 
 of that worm which never dies, and of that flame which 
 shall not be quenched. — Reader ! be not curious to know 
 the exact nature of that worm and of that fire ; but let 
 me entreat thee to flee from their torment, by making 
 God thy father, and Christ thy brother and thy friend, 
 to succour thee in the day of adversity and revelation 
 of the righteous judgments of God. Art thou one of 
 those gay and thoughtless beings who are rushing forth 
 through all the mazes and beguiling paths of a world 
 that lies in wickedness? — Art thou flying from scene to 
 scene, from one pursuit to another, still dissatisfied with 
 
208 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the past, and still deceiving thyself with hopes and ex, 
 pectations from the future? O let me entreat thee to 
 pause one moment, and consider thy latter end — let me 
 beseech thee to cease thy present fruitless race, nor once 
 more enquire of the thoughtless sons of voluptuousness 
 and dissipation, " Who will show me any good?" Be 
 assured theirs is not the path which conducts to it, nor 
 are they the people who can show thee the way — they 
 live for time, and not for eternity ; they are lovers of 
 sinful pleasure more than lovers of God. Infidels in 
 heart, and unholy in practice, their heathen precept is 
 now, as in the days of St. Paul, " Let us eat and drink, 
 for to-morrow we die." They would stifle the remon- 
 strances, and silence the voice of conscience as unwel- 
 come intruders on their polluted hours. For them to 
 reflect is to be miserable. From the days of classic 
 yore to the present moment, the language of their heart 
 has been the same — the same have been the desires of 
 their mind ; 
 
 " Vivamus, mea Lesbia atque amemus — 
 Soles occidere et redire possunt : 
 Nobis, cum semel occidit brevis lux, 
 Nox est perpetua una dormienda." 
 
 " Come, my Lesbia, live and play, 
 
 Suns may set and suns may rise ; 
 Soon as sets our passing day. 
 
 Endless night must close our eyes." 
 
 But shall not God be avenged on such people as 
 these? Yea, verily, "he that shall come will come, 
 and will not tarry;" and when he does come to be glo- 
 rified in his saints, and to be admired in all them that 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 209 
 
 believe, he will execute judgment, and take awful ven- 
 geance on them that know not God and obey not the 
 Gospel of his Son. As yet they harden themselves in 
 transgression, and are willingly ignorant and studiously 
 forgetful of death and judgment, of heaven and hell. 
 Ytt it is but a little while, and they shall know, to their 
 eternal confusion, that man is born for eternity, and that 
 " God hath appointed a day in the which he will judge 
 the secrets of all hearts by Jesus Christ." Be then en- 
 treated, my reader, and come out and separate thyself 
 from these men, lest thou perish in their sins. Seek 
 happiness in the smiles of thy Maker — lay up a trea- 
 sure in heaven, and press forward to the enjoyment of 
 an eternal inheritance among the saints in light — culti- 
 vate such sentiments, and seek such friends as will stand 
 by thy couch, when the world and its advocates forsake 
 thee; which will bear thee up and support thy soul, 
 when trouble and sickness, when pain and death, shall 
 shake and dissolve thine earthly frame. Surely were 
 I to put the question, "Art thou happy ?" — were I to en- 
 quire whether the evenings of thy past days saw thee 
 from time to time lay down thy head well satisfied with 
 the fruits and pleasures of the past hours ? — whether 
 thy mornings witnessed thy conscience approve each 
 week and month, as it viewed them in the retrospect? 
 thou wouldst reply. No. — Nor is it improbable but 
 jaded, disappointed, and soured in all thy past pursuits, 
 thou wouldst add, " So far from having enjoyed happi- 
 ness in times past, or possessing it now, I begin to de- 
 spair of ever being so ; fate has ordained man to be 
 wretched, has cast my lot as a son of disappointment, 
 18* 
 
210 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and the child of sorrow." God, my reader, has or- 
 dained that wretchedness shall, even in this life, be the 
 concomitant of sin, (at least where the conscience is not 
 become wholly callous and reprobate,) and that the un- 
 godly shall be like the troubled sea, whose restless wa- 
 ters cast up mire and dirt. This is all that has been or- 
 dained, unless it be that those who seek the Lord shall 
 find him, and those who forsake him he ivill cast off for 
 ever. O that these additional reasons may have their 
 proper effect in stirring thee up to seek first the kingdom 
 of God and his righteousness, for then all other things 
 will be added unto thee ! 
 
 But I am to draw the contrast between the week 
 spent at Elba, and the last one just passed in my parish. 
 Let me then proceed to state, that although no diversi- 
 fied ranges of hill and valley beautified our fields — no 
 mantling woods, no splendid palaces, no maritime views, 
 added their charms to enliven the scenery around us, 
 but on the contrary, that all was cheerless, cold, and un- 
 picturesque to the traveller on the morning of- Christ- 
 mas-day, yet, under all these disadvantages, it was a sea- 
 son not without its comforts, its real enjoyments to my- 
 self and to many of my poor neighbours ; although lit- 
 erally 
 
 The icicles hung from the eaves of each cot, 
 And the streams were hard bound by the frost." 
 
 On the morning of that day the first salute from our 
 bleached and weather-beaten steeple, was not the peal of 
 one set of drunken ringers, inviting others, first to the 
 belfry, and thence to the ale-house, but it was the sober 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 211 
 
 and cheerful notice for divine worship, reminding us of 
 our duty and privilege to say to each other, " Come, let 
 us go up to the house of the Lord, he will teach us his 
 ways, and we will walk in his statutes." — It was be- 
 tween the hours of ten and eleven that I formerly entered 
 the harbour of Porto Ferrajo, and lost sight of a con- 
 fused and turbulent world of waters ; and between the 
 same hours I entered this venerable house of prayer, 
 and for a season lost sight of the more confused and 
 restless world of men who know not God. Unlike the 
 splendid and semi-pagan churches of Italy and its adja- 
 cent islands and countries, our humble and ancient 
 building had nothing in its decorations or in its accom- 
 modations to invite the lounger or the artist to enter its 
 walls ; nor were our congregation of that sort as to 
 draw those among us whose desire was to see and be 
 seen ; in short, it might reasonably be considered as 
 formed of those who really came to worship God. 
 
 It was my solemn and distinguished lot to stand up 
 as an ambassador of Christ, and to declare to these peo- 
 ple the blessings which, as on that day, were communi- 
 cated to the world when the angels sang, " Glory to 
 God in the highest, on earth peace, good will towards 
 men" — to declare the offices and work of the Saviour, 
 as predicted in the sixty-first chapter of Isaiah, and three 
 first verses — to show, that " the Spirit of the Lord God 
 was upon Christ Jesus," because the Lord Jehovah had 
 anointed him to preach good tidings to the meek, that 
 he had sent him to bind up the broken-hearted, to pro- 
 claim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison 
 to them that are bound — to proclaim the acceptable year 
 
212 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God ; to 
 comfort all that mourn ; to appoint and to give unto them 
 that mourn in Zion beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for 
 mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heavi- 
 ness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, 
 the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. 
 From the brief consideration of these soul-refreshing 
 doctrines, a part of the congregation followed me to the 
 Lord's table, to eat of that bread and drink of that cup, 
 which were to show forth the dying love of the Saviour, 
 until he come to judge the world: nor have I the 
 smallest doubt but that several did then and there feed 
 on him in their hearts by faith with thanksgiving. It 
 was a season much to be remembered. While standing 
 before the altar, and ministering to these people, I re- 
 collected Elba, and all my aggravated sins at that island. 
 I well remembered also that it was on that very day 
 three years, in which I first stood up to officiate in my 
 solemn character — I remembered the dreary aspect of 
 this then almost forsaken house of God, and the few 
 who approached the blessed Sacrament, and I could not 
 but adore the goodness of the Lord, who since that time 
 had much changed the face of things, and increased our 
 numbers more than four-fold ; and all this through the 
 instrumentality of one, who, had he received but one 
 thousandth part of his merited punishment, would then 
 have been where hope, and peace, and mercy never 
 come. 
 
 Nor was the evening of the same day a solitary one. 
 If the world had its parties, so had I mine — no spark- 
 ling wines or costly viands graced our board, but we 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 213 
 
 were not without our feast. No loud intemperate mirth 
 did violence to the tender conscience ; yet we wefe cheer- 
 ful; and although no idle, frivolous, or unchaste theme 
 occupied our tongues, yet we did not want for subjects 
 of conversation. Reader, is thy curiosity excited to 
 know of what description of persons my party was com- 
 posed ? I will inform thee, although in so doing I may 
 incur the contemptuous smile of some, and the loud and 
 illiberally expressed derision of others. It consisted of 
 young people and children, all poor in this world's 
 goods, but not a few of them rich in grace — untutored 
 in the refined duplicity of polite life, and the finesse of 
 higher ranks, but intelligent and sincere in the things 
 of God — children over whom I had watched almost 
 daily for three years past, and who numbered among 
 them not a few who had grown in grace as they had 
 grown in stature — children whose confidence and afl^ec- 
 tion I knew I possessed, and whose troubles and spirit- 
 ual conflicts had often been made known to me as to 
 one whom they had tried and found their sincere and 
 affectionate friend, as well as minister in Christ Jesus. 
 Of such was my Christmas evening party m.ainly com- 
 posed. With this beloved and affectionate group I con- 
 versed on my own, and on the generality of men's per- 
 verse abuse of the present and other seasons. We then 
 sang some scriptural poetry, expressive of the nature 
 and blessings connected with the day ; and afterwards I 
 endeavoured to set before them the exceeding mercy of 
 having an Emmanuel to guide us through all the dan- 
 gers and difficulties of life by his unerring counsel, and 
 finally to receive us to his glory. Tears of gratitude 
 
214 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and christian joy filled many eyes, and I trust that the 
 Lord approved the desires of many hearts. This done, 
 we knelt down and thanked the author of all our mer- 
 cies for the means of grace and the hope of glory which 
 he had aflforded us, and then we separated in unity and 
 peace 
 
 The following Sabbath concluded the year, the even- 
 ing of which was spent with the same party. On that 
 night it was my endeavour to lead their minds back 
 through all the parts of the year then expiring : to re- 
 mind them of the changes, the judgments, and mercies 
 which our parish had witnessed since its commence- 
 ment — to hold up the flight, the rapidity, and value of 
 time, and the sure and speedy approach of eternity — to 
 display the emptiness and vanity of all earthly good, 
 and the importance and value of heavenly riches — to 
 warn them how reasonable it was to expect death would 
 break in on some one or more then present, ere another 
 such season arrived ; and hence to enforce the necessity 
 of standing with our lamps trimmed and our lights 
 burning, and ourselves as those who wait the coming 
 of their Lord. Never in the whole course of my life 
 had I experienced a more full and realizing sense of 
 the truth and importance of these subjects than on that 
 evening. An unusal degree of solemnity pervaded our 
 party, and the greater number seemed deeply impressed 
 with what they heard. Great, very great, had been the 
 mercies of God to many of us, and to myself in parti- 
 cular. He had strengthened my hands in many ardu- 
 ous ministerial undertakings, and carried me for three 
 years through difficulties of no ordinary magnitude. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 215 
 
 At the conclusion of this year, many circumstances 
 seemed to indicate to those about me, that my strength 
 was then faihng, and that henceforth I should probably 
 do but little in comparison of the past. This impression 
 caused a mutual sympathy and feeling for each other, 
 and drew our hearts closer in the ties of christian affec- 
 tion, and made us more earnest in seeking pardon for 
 the past, and grace to improve all the future. Reader. 
 I feel a conviction, beyond the power of language to 
 express, that in all our services, thoughts, words, and 
 works, we fall infinitely short of perfection. Yet, w^hen 
 I reflect on this day, and compare it with the termina- 
 tion of past years, I can and ought to bless God, and 
 to adore the riches of that grace which has made me to 
 differ from what I once was, and from what many now 
 are. Whether I were ever to meet the same party 
 again on a similar occasion, was known only to the 
 Lord ; but I can say with truth, that no place, no season, 
 no society, ever interested my soul more than this did ; 
 and especially while the following hymn was singing 
 by so unusual a number of serious young people and 
 intelligent children, whose understandings and hearts, I 
 had every reason to believe, went with the words of 
 their lips. 
 
 " Let hearts and tongues unite, 
 And loud thanksgivings raise ! 
 
 'Tis duty, mingled vi^ith delight, 
 To sing the Saviour's praise. 
 
 When on the breast we hung 
 
 Our help was in the Lord ; 
 'Twas he first taught our infant tongue 
 
 To form the lisping word. 
 
216 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 In childhood and in youth, 
 
 His eye was on us still, 
 Though strangers to his love and truth, 
 
 And prone to thwart his will. 
 
 Now, through another year, 
 
 Supported by his care, 
 We raise our Ebenezer here ; 
 
 ' The Lord hath help'd thus far.' 
 
 Our state in future years 
 
 Since we cannot foresee, 
 He kindly, to prevent our fears, 
 
 Says, ' Leave it all to me,' 
 
 O may we then all cast 
 
 Our care upon the Lord ! 
 And praise him for his mercies past, 
 
 And trust his promis'd word." 
 
 Most confident am I, that man is justified freely by the 
 grace of God, through the redemption that is in Christ 
 Jesus ; even by faith without the deeds of the law, but 
 still I cannot help saying, " O that I had ended all my 
 past days as I ended this." 
 
 The morrow, or Monday, was of course new year's 
 day ; a day, whereon thousands of mankind in this land 
 pull down a more than ordinary portion of wrath on 
 themselves by idleness and excess, by oaths and pro- 
 faneness. On this day, in our villages, as well as in our 
 large towns, the labourer either refrains from his task 
 altogether, or quits it at an earlier hour than usual, to 
 repair to the ale-house, and there he holds a great feast 
 unto Baal ; while his impoverished wife and children 
 are pining in wretchedness at home. Knov/ing that 
 several of my young friends would be at leisure in the 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 217 
 
 evening-, I gave a g^nf^ial invitation to all who chose to 
 meet and pass a couple of hours in seeking the divine 
 blessing on the succi eding weeks and months, and my 
 room was again nearly filled. I shall not, however, 
 enter into particulars on this occasion: the christian 
 reader will not doubt my words, when I say we found 
 it good thus to wait upon God — to begin the new year 
 with prayer, as we had ended the old one in praise. 
 On the morrow I felt thankful to the Lord, on the re- 
 view of what had happened, and blessed his holy name 
 for the mercies of such a Christmas, for such a conclu- 
 sion of the old year, and such a commencement of the 
 new, which, when compared to the corresponding 
 seasons passed at Elba and many other places, left no 
 doubt on my mind, whether the path of christian duty 
 be the path of peace. But here methinks I hear the 
 reader exclaim, " All this is very well for a minister 
 who has nothing else to do, and whose business it is to 
 be thus employed : but such things cannot be expected 
 from others!" To this I answer, that so far as public 
 ministerial duties were concerned in the house of God, 
 the reply is just: but all I have related as done in my 
 own private parlour, might be done by many a master 
 or mistress, by many a naval and military officer, with 
 an equal prospect of good arismg from such christian 
 labours. Nor would this occasional condescension to 
 instruct a few domestics and poor children in the least 
 sink their real dignity, or be acting out of character, in 
 those who profess to believe in Him who preached to 
 all men, as well as to ministers, the whole of what is re- 
 corded in the twenty-fifth chapter of St. Matthew's gospcL 
 19 
 
218 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 David was a warrior, and a king of Israel, and not a 
 priest. Yet he was the condescending and instructive 
 companion of all them that feared God, and to such he 
 often said, " Come hither, and 1 will tell you what the 
 Lord hath done for my soul." 
 
 To quit the drawing-room and all its splendour, to 
 leave fashion, elegance, mirth, and beauty behind, and 
 to assemble a little group of dependents and poor chil- 
 dren, and converse with them concerning " another and 
 a better world," and the way to obtain it, would indeed 
 expose both master and mistress to the trial of cruel 
 mockings, to no little share of derision and contempt 
 from the sons and daughters of folly and dissipation. 
 But if this be done and continued in a truly christian 
 spirit, and from christian motives, it would insure that 
 sentence, " Come, ye blessed children of my Father, in- 
 herit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation 
 of the world ; for inasmuch as ye have done this thing un- 
 to the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." 
 
 Reader ! since the foregoing part of this chapter was 
 written, seventeen years have passed over my head. 
 And this very Christmas-day (1832) makes it exactly 
 twenty years since I commenced my ministerial la- 
 bours, by officiating as curate of the humble village of 
 W ch. 
 
 Twenty years, reader! This is a long period to cal- 
 culate on ; and yet it actually seems but as yesterday in 
 the retiospect. Short, however, as it may thus appear, 
 it is a portion of time which greatly shortens the span 
 of human life; and crowds within its limits, many 
 events of the utmost importance, as connected with aik 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 219 
 
 eternal destiny, at least I feel it to be so in my own case ; 
 and, had I the power to do it, I would carry home to 
 thy bosom, my reader, all the deepening, and all the 
 solemnizing feelings which I myself at this moment ex- 
 perience in the retrospect of these gone-by years. This, 
 however, I cannot do ; but I will tell thee how, at this 
 moment, I feel, if possible, a hundred-fold more than I 
 did twenty years ago, the wisdom of seeking first the 
 kingdom of God and his righteousness ; — of counting 
 all things as loss for the excellency of the knowledge of 
 Christ Jesus my Lord. Nor are these feelings the ef- 
 fect of increasing years on the mind and body; or of a 
 soured temper, or of disappointed hopes and expecta- 
 tions; for at this hour I possess better health and spirits, 
 and enjoy more of the comforts of life than I did at the 
 former period; and as to the intervening years, I have 
 to look back on them as bringing one after another a 
 succession of mercies and blessings to me far greater 
 than they bestowed on millions of my compeers. 
 
 Oh ! what changes and unlooked-for events have oc- 
 curred since I wrote the former part of this chapter ! 
 Where are the individuals who composed my then little 
 parties'? Many of them are in eternity! Some of 
 them, I feel certain, are rejoicing with joy unspeakable 
 and full of glory in the kingdom and presence of Christ; 
 and some of them — oh! distressing thought! — I have 
 but too much cause to fear, are lost and that for ever ! 
 As to the survivors, their various and humble histories, 
 if truly told, would exhibit many illustrations of that 
 wisdom I have allud- d to, and of the folly and madness 
 of pursuing an opposite course, JVlany cares, anxieties, 
 
220 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 and sorrows, have fallen to the lot of almost every one 
 of them, and change after change has altPied ail their 
 earthly circumstances, and scattered many of them far 
 and wide from the spot where we then assembled to- 
 gether. The very aspect of the village is changed, and 
 several of the places where we once coUecti d together 
 are no longer to be found. Yet amidst all the changes 
 which time and death, and prosperity and adversity, and 
 arrivals and removals, have occasioned, I have to bless 
 God that some substantial evidences remain that the 
 Gospel then prt-ached among them was not in vain in 
 the Lord. Though absent in body, I am still present 
 with many of them inspirit; and we are waiting ia 
 humble hope of by and by hailing each other in that 
 kingdom where the inhabitants never go out. May the 
 Divine presence shine brighter and brighter on their 
 path until they finish their course and receive their 
 crown. And may the tender mercies of our heavenly 
 Father pardon and reclaim every backslider, and heal 
 all the broken-hearted p'^nitents; and stay all those who, 
 as yet, are travelling down th^it broad road Nvhich lead- 
 eth to destruction. Oh, may His boundl'-ss grace spare 
 and snatch them as brands from the fire for Jesus Christ 
 our redeemer's sake. Am n * 
 
 * Such readers as are inclined to follow the writer through a 
 variety of scenes and events connected with his pastoral labours, 
 and with the history and ciicuiastances of many of liis poor peo- 
 ple during the first fifteen years of his ministry, will find tiiem 
 detailed in his three little publications called, " T/ic Villag-: Ob' 
 server" " Tke Village Church Yard" and " The Village Pastor^ 
 Ac. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 "thou SHALT REMEMBER ALL THE WAY WHICH THE 
 LORD THY GOD LED THEE." Deut. viii. 2. 
 
 Hitherto the Retrospect has in general gone back to 
 days spent on the bosom of the deep, and to events which 
 transpired among naval men. Indeed, when this hum- 
 ble volume first went into public, there had elapsed but 
 a short time, comparatively speaking, from my quitting 
 those scenes of war and tumult. But now the case is 
 otherwise. My days have measured out more than 
 twenty years since that period ; a portion of my life far 
 greater than that which was passed at sea. And am I 
 not bound by every call of duty and gratitude to " re- 
 member all the way which the Lord my God hath led 
 me these twenty years?" It is true, that neither battles 
 or shipwrecks, storms or tempests, have diversified this 
 part of the journey ; neither have I to tell of distant 
 lands or hair-breadth escapes from death. Yet have 
 these years been laden with mercies, and rendered me- 
 morable to me by events more unlooked for, and vastly 
 more important than any which transpired at sea. It is 
 probable, however, that some of these may not produce 
 the same effect on all my readers as on myself. Yet I 
 believe there are not a few, who having taken an inter- 
 est in the tales of more distant times, will feel disposed 
 19* 
 
222 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 to follow me through a few circumstances connected 
 with my latter years. 
 
 Among the greatest of all my mercies, and the most 
 exalted privileges with which my lot has been signa- 
 lized, I must ever esteem this as the first, namely, that I 
 should have been permitted and enabled, though in ever 
 so humble and obscure a way, to go forth, and "preach 
 among my fellow-men the unsearchable riches of 
 Christ" For, while I would not dediict aught from 
 those claims to honour and usefulness which many other 
 professions can advance, I must still consider the office 
 of the ministry of God's word as the most solemn and 
 honourable which man can fill beneath the sun. All 
 others having reference, either principally or entirely, 
 to the things of time, while this applies to those of eter- 
 nity — the former having for their object the life that 
 now is, while the ministry of reconciliation is continual- 
 ly bearing on those which are to come Hence every 
 event which, in the chain of divine providence, con- 
 nected itself with this subject, and which, directly or in- 
 directly, led on to this end, is now viewed by me with 
 peculiar interest, and will be so through all eternity; 
 and, oh ! how many and distinct do they now appear 
 in the retrospect of the Lord's dealings. Yet, no event 
 could, at one period of my life, have been more im- 
 probable ; and, certainly, Jione was less thought of by 
 myself Many a time, during the last two years of my 
 naval career, have I beguiled a portion of the midnight 
 watch by allowing my thoughts and fancy to range on 
 ideal objects; while among these none were more 
 pleasing as a kind of waking day-dream than that of 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 223 
 
 the ministerial office. Often have I allowed the mind 
 to put this question, " Were it possible for you to re- 
 cast, and re-choose your lot. what of all stations and 
 pursuits would you prefer, and be occupied in?" And 
 as often did I reply, " I would be in the ministry of the 
 Gospel, as the pastor of a village flock, and poss: ss a 
 sufficiency of means and knowledge of medicine to 
 enable me, in the absence of regular help, to administer 
 to the bodily sufferings of my sick poor, while I were 
 pointing their souls to the heavenly Physician." These 
 waking dreams were often indulged in as mere reveries^ 
 at a time when I no more expcctt d them to be realized 
 than I expected to ascend to heaven in Elijah's chariot 
 of fire. And yet, in as short a time as was possible, all 
 this was literally accomplished. It was so great, as 
 well as so unexpected a change, that many times, in my 
 little jouinies to and from my cottagers, during the first 
 year of my ministerial labours. I have stopt short by the 
 way, and asked myself, " Is this a reality, or is it a de- 
 lusion ?" Indeed, it seemed at these times more like my 
 former waking mid-watch reveries. Let not the reader, 
 however, suppose that I ran uncalled or unsent; let him 
 not do me the injustice to imagine, that I thrust my- 
 self hastily, or self-willnd into this sacred office. That 
 it was not so, many now living can testify — nay more, 
 they can bf ar witnt ss, that every step was suggf sted, 
 urged upon me. and marked out from the time I landed 
 at Porsmouth. in 1810, until I was actually in holy or- 
 ders, and settled as the licensed curate of a village parish 
 of seven hundred and fifty souls. Having, on many 
 former occasions, seen the goodness of my heavenly 
 
224 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 Father in defeating- my plans, and frustrating my fond- 
 est and most anxious wishes, I determined, as the close 
 of my preparatory studies drew near, not to choose a 
 post of labour for myself Well I knew, that however 
 humble these labours might be in themselves, He who 
 blessed my poor endeavours in the wing of His Majes- 
 ty's ship C r could own and bless them on the land, 
 
 if he were graciously pleased to do so. And I knew 
 also, that unless this blessing went continually with all 
 I said and did, no good could be effected. Hence, it 
 was to me, of the utmost importance that I should be 
 where my God would have me, and not where I might 
 fix myself With this object in view, I left all the 
 choice and arrangements of place and people to the 
 judgment and exertions of some of those pious and kind 
 friends who had hitherto most interested themselves in 
 my projected new sphere of life. I only insisted on one 
 condition, namely, that my post should be among a mass 
 of poor and plain people ; and then, as to distance, they 
 might mark out ten miles or ten thousand for me to 
 journey to them as a matter of indifference to me. I 
 thought by thus leaving myself out, and placing others 
 in the arrangements of a station, I should be more en- 
 tirely under the guidance of God. And most clearly 
 did his providence direct all my ways, until the cloud 
 and the pillar led me on and marked out a spot where 
 I was to fix my tent — a spot concerning which I heard 
 so ill a report as I drew near it, that my heart rebelled, 
 and I said, " Here I cannot stay." It was indeed then 
 one of the most dreary scenes of country, and peopled 
 by a set of the rudest inhabitants I had ever seen in 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 225 
 
 Eno-land. Here, however, T took up my station, not, 
 as 1 at first thought, for a few weeks or months, but for 
 seven y^•ars ; and all these years, like those which 
 Jacob served for his Rachel, seemed only as so many 
 days, for the interest I felt in my little labours, and in 
 the encouragement which the Lord gave me, that they 
 were not in vain in him. At the end of these seven 
 years, a n^'W train of equally clear and combined provi- 
 dences bid me prepare to march on one stage further in 
 the wilderness, and tarry there until the next movement 
 should direct me to cross the Jordan which separates 
 this wildt^rness from the promised land. In other words, 
 He who walks in the midst of the golden candlesticks, 
 and carries the stars in his right hand, again directed 
 iny movements, and led me to my present station, where 
 I have ever since remained, 
 
 " Nor e'er have chang'd, or wish'd to change my place. 
 
 Here, placed beyond those anxieties which must ever 
 attend the uncertain tenure of a curate's engagements, 
 and still farther removed from all the vexations of 
 haughty and capricious naval men, and from all the 
 strife and contentions of warlike pursuits, I am blessed 
 with all the necrssaries. and some of the indulgences 
 of life, without being exposed to the dangers of affluence. 
 Meanwhile, on every side. I behold a wide and inter- 
 esting field of ministerial labour ready for every exer- 
 tion I can put forth, whih- I myself am surrounded by 
 a numerous and aff ctionate people, am.ong whom I 
 hope to labour, and to die; and with many of whom I 
 hope to unite my praises in those higher and better 
 
22q the retrospect. 
 
 strains which are only sung in heaven. Nor have I i, 
 
 forgotten those dear departed souls who, in my former "' 
 
 parish, died in the Lord, nor those now living there, 
 who were my hope and joy while I dwelt among them. 
 The day will come, when, through the merits and sacri- 
 fice of the Lord Jesus, we shall, I trust, again meet, and 
 form a part of the general assembly and church of the 
 first-born, whose names are written in heaven ; and who 
 there ever behold and praise Him who was dead, and 
 is alive again, and hath redeemed them to God through 
 his most precious blood. 
 
CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 "thou SHALT REMEMBER ALL THE WAY WHICH THB 
 LORD THY GOD LED THEE." Delt. viii. 2. 
 
 " BY HONOUR AND DISHONOUR, BY EVIL REPORT AND 
 GOOD REPORT." 2 CoR. vi. 8. 
 
 The reader, who has perused the foregoing chapter 
 to its close may well say, '' that it behoves me to be 
 thankful." He must not, however, suppose from what 
 is there stated, that I have dwelt beneath an unclouded 
 sun, and travelled none but smooth.and flowery paths, 
 ever since I quitted the sea. No, this has not been the 
 case. Man is born to a greater or less portion of trou- 
 ble, as certainly as that the sparks fly upwards. 
 
 " 'Tis the associate of all human kind, 
 In calms we meet it, meet it in the wind — 
 From sorrow's shafts no garrison can shield, 
 To her assaults must ev'ry mortal yield," 
 
 Many a cheering proof of ministerial success has the 
 great Shepherd and Bishop of souls given to strengthen 
 my hands, when they have been ready to hang down in 
 sorrow and despair ; so that, at times, while more holy 
 and able men have been mourning over what they, per- 
 haps erroneously, considered an unfruitful field of labour, 
 I have been permitted to see, that God gave me some 
 
228 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 increase. These merciful cordials were not sent unne- 
 cessarily or in vain; they have arrived at the best of 
 seasons, and have afforded relief when trials weie at 
 hand. For often have 1 had to mourn over the back- 
 slid ings of the young- and the old; to see all my fond 
 hopes and fair expectation? blasted, in many instances, 
 when and where I least expected, and most keenly felt, 
 the disappointment. Nor have I been altogether ex- 
 empt from trials on the part of my brethren and supe- 
 riois in the ministry. At the time I am writing, and 
 for some years past, I have enjoyed the happiness of 
 serving under a diocesan whose anxious desire it is. that 
 all his clergy may "be instant in season and out of 
 season, to save souls alive." Hence, foi a long time, I 
 have had neither to encounter rebuke, nor to apprehend 
 opposition from any quarter, for endeavouring to do 
 what my duty, my time, and strength demand and ena- 
 ble me to perform, for the instruction and salvation of 
 my people : and so far as a minister who rebukes^ as 
 well as exhorts his flock, can reasonably expect to find 
 it, I certainly do enjoy the respect and affection of the 
 people among whom I dwell and ininister the word. 
 But things were not always so, either in my former or 
 my present parish. 
 
 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is a regenerating^ 
 experimental principle; and his Gospel being his or- 
 dained power unto salvation, it separates its partakers 
 from a world that lieth in wickedness, and makes them 
 a new and a peculiar people. Hence this blessed Gospel 
 is as much resisted and condemned by many a chief 
 priestj and scribe, and pharisee of the Church of Eng- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 229 
 
 land in the nineteenth century, as it was by those of 
 Jerusalem in the time of our blessed Lord's sojourn 
 upon earth — as much disapproved of, and vilified by 
 many of our worldly minded clergy and laity on shore, 
 as it is by many of the captains and other officers of 
 our ships of war at sea. All this our Lord assured his 
 disciples would be the case, so long- as men are gtrangers 
 to the saving and converting grace of God. This I 
 knew before I entered into the ministry ; and, knowing 
 this, and being determined, by th^ help of God, to 
 preach the good old doctrines of this glorious but abused 
 Gospel, as they are made known in the Scriptures, and 
 laid down in the Articles, Homilies, and Liturgy of our 
 national church, I could not expect that clergymen of 
 the above description would give me the right hand of 
 fellowship, or speak well of my intentions or proceed- 
 ings. Nor was I mistaken in my calculations, for very 
 soon after I commenced my labours, those who were 
 nearest at hand shunned me, and spake ill of my ways; 
 nor did they stop here, for some of them, and particu- 
 larly an old naval chaplain, of whose fame I had heard 
 before I quitted the service, wrote to the bishop, entreat- 
 ing him to rebuke me, and tie up my hands. Indeed, 
 so many were their threats of getting me further from 
 them, that for a long time both myself and my vener- 
 ated friend, the encumbent, expected the order for my 
 removal to arrive every week. This kept us both, as 
 well as my affectionate poor flock, in a state of unsettled- 
 ness and continual anxiety. Yet, notwithstanding all 
 which my adversaries said and did, I continued, amidst 
 evil report and good report, for seven years ; even until 
 
 20 
 
230 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 I saw it was my duty, and felt it was my choice volun- 
 tarily to leave this post for another and far more im- 
 portant sphere of action. Yet this act of leaving the 
 people was truly a painful one, when the moment ar- 
 rived that it must be put into execution. So long as I 
 could, I had kept the matter from their knowledge; and 
 when I quilted the village, I stole, as it were, away, for 
 I could not encounter the task of going and saying in 
 person, " farewell." Thus I left my first flock in pres- 
 ence, but not in spirit, for many a spot in their quiet 
 church-yard is in my estimation, hallowed ground; 
 because there sleep the remains or mortal part of se\'eral 
 who were exceedingly dear to me, as being among the 
 first fruits of my public ministry; and whose parting 
 blessings were given to me as the most precious of 
 legacies, just as they stood on the confines of time, and 
 were about to wing their flight into^the presence and 
 glory of their Redeemer. 
 
 But now a fresh train of opposition arose when I 
 least expected any such encounter. The kind and 
 generous friend who, unsolicited, had made me an 
 offer of my present living, brought me hither on the 
 Saturday, and showed me whatever he thought would 
 induce me to accept it, and fix my wanderings for the 
 residue of my days. We staid over the approacliing 
 Sabbath, and I preached in the church twice on that 
 day; not to bare walls, but to a deplorably thin and 
 heartless congregation. Among these, were a few of 
 the leading inhabitants; two or three of whom choose 
 to be highly offended with the matter and manner of 
 my services. The subjects of my discourses were 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 231 
 
 Romans i. 16. "/ am not ashamed of the Gospel of 
 Christ; for it is the power of God unto salvation to 
 every one that believeth" and Revelation xiv. 13, 
 " Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from 
 henceforth : yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest 
 from their labours ; and their works do folloiv them." 
 From the first of these texts I endeavoured to show the 
 nature and tendency of the Gospel. How, that while it 
 exhibits to fallen man his lost estate by nature, and by 
 practice; it brings life and immortality to light, and is, 
 in the Hands of the Holy Spirit, the instrument of 
 enlightening his understanding, sanctifying his heart, 
 and saving his soul ; " by grace through faith ; and that 
 not of himself, for it is the gift of God ; not of works, 
 least any man should boast." From the second, I aimed 
 to describe, what the blessedness of those who die in 
 the Lord consists of; namely, a perfection of holiness, 
 happiness, and wisdom in the society of angels, and 
 spirits, and just men m.ade perfect, and in the presence 
 and glory of God the Saviour — That, "dying in the 
 Lord" is dying in the faith of Christ; being justified 
 by faith in his obedience and sacrifice, and sanctified by 
 the Holy Ghost. And that the woiks of such charact- 
 ers, that is, the works of faith, and labours of love, do 
 follow them as evidences, that they were those who 
 "worshipped God in the Spirit; rejoiced in Christ Jesus: 
 and placed no confid' nee in the flesh." In short, that 
 thn woiks of the believer do follow him as evidences of 
 his having possessfd that saving faith in Christ, " which 
 purifiis the heart, works by love, and overcomes the 
 world," In which point of view, as our Church Art- 
 
232 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 icles declare, " They are pleasing and acceptable to 
 God in Christ; although they cannot put away our 
 sins, or endure the severity ofGod^s judgment." For 
 they have no merit in them, whereon man can advance 
 any claim upon God; seeing that "we are accounted 
 righteous before Him, only for the merits of our Lord 
 and Saviour Jesus Christ by faith, and that not of our 
 works or deservings* 
 
 Had I preached from the Alcoran of Mahomet, or 
 the Shaster of Buddhu, my doctrine could not have ap- 
 peared more strange, or proved more offensive to some 
 of my hearers ; who, on leaving the church, declared 
 with vehemence, that if they could prevent it, I should 
 never come as the resident incumbent of their church. 
 The next day I left the place for my old parish ; having 
 been previously informed that immediate steps would be 
 taken to prevent my settling here. My poor dear flock, 
 to whom I had now returned for a short season, knew 
 not where I had been, nor what was likely to take 
 place. And little did they know or conceive how those 
 doctrines, which they delighted to have preached to 
 them, had met so unwelcome a reception elsewhere. 
 Meanwhile, having again consulted those friends to 
 whom, under God, I had hitherto committed my move- 
 ments, and finding them unanimously of opinion that I 
 ought to go, and the more so as there appeared every 
 probability of their obtaining a good and suitable man 
 to step into my place, I determined to face the opposition 
 about to be made, and abide by the result. Praying to 
 
 ♦ See Articles of Faith XII. and XL Book of Common Prayer. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 233 
 
 the Lord, that he would direct my path, and make it 
 plain, either bv finstrating" my advt-rsaries, or by per- 
 mittino" their effints to succeed, just as his good plea- 
 sure might be in favour of my going- or not going to 
 this projected new station. 
 
 About three weeks after preaching the offensive ser- 
 mons. I waited on the Bishop for institution; when the 
 legal or official parts of the business were gone through 
 without cavil or delay. I was then given to understand, 
 that his Lordship had been written to by some of the 
 inhabitants of the parish, complaining, as bethought, very 
 justly of my proceedings during the short time I had 
 been among them. His Lordship, indeed, appeared to 
 sympathize very much with my accusers. In the course 
 of a long, and, to give it the mildest term, a very un- 
 pleasant conversation, it appeared that the " head and 
 front of my offending" lay in the following particulars ; 
 First, in that I had accompanied my kind friend and 
 patron to the house of one of his farmer-tenants, to take 
 tea in the afternoon of the Sabbath, instead of going to 
 our quarters at the inn ; such tenant, moreover, being a 
 Dissenter. Secondly, in that I took a large Bible into 
 the pulpit. Thirdly, in that I gave utterance to many 
 more words in my discourses than were actually written 
 down in the notes before me. And, lastly, in that I 
 absolutely denied the merit of good works to purchase 
 or to procure heaven. It also appeared in this unpleasant 
 conversation, that my opponents had learnt, and com- 
 municated the fact of my having been once in the ser- 
 vice of my country as an officer in the navy, and that 
 as such, I had formerly been employed in defending 
 20* 
 
234 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 them, with the other peaceful inhabitants of the land, 
 from the swords and bayonets of combined Europe. 
 This circumstance, which I had never before imagined 
 would lower me in the scale of British society, now 
 appeared as a blot on my escutcheon. Happily poor 
 old England was then at peace with all nations, and 
 needed no longer to be defended from invasion ; and 
 now, those with whom I had to do, made it painfully 
 manifest that they looked on me with a degree of con- 
 tempt for the hard services I had once cheerfully ren- 
 dered them. Frivolous and illiberal as the above 
 charges and insinuations against me may appear to my 
 readers, they actually were considered as matters of 
 grave import by my accusers and diocesan ; and pro- 
 duced, on the part of the latter, what I must ever con- 
 sider as unkind behaviour towards me. Feeling, as I 
 did, that unkindness, and at the same time supported by 
 a spirit of independence, arising from the conviction, 
 that I had neither lowered myself in society, by my 
 
 former public station and services, nor at M n had 
 
 committed any offence whatever against the rules of 
 propriety, good morals, or church discipline, I refused 
 to plead guilty to any thing criminal ; while I freely 
 acknowledged I was guilty of all the four charges laid 
 in my indictment. But as I did not either then or now 
 feel myself bound to comply with the whims and fancies 
 of two or three pharisaic, capricious individuals, I could 
 not promise, never in future to give utterance, in my 
 sermons and addresses, to one word beyond what I had 
 actually lying before me in writing. This had so un- 
 happy an effect on my superior, as to induce him to go 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 235 
 
 to the extremity of his power in prohibiting me, at my 
 peril, from preaching in any part of his diocese, except 
 within the limits of my own parish. To me, however, 
 this was no punishment at all ; for, as I stated to his 
 Lordship, from what I had seen of the extent of my 
 field of labours, there would be far more preaching and 
 teaching required than I should ever be able to perform; 
 and consequently that I should have neither time nor 
 inclination to go further off for work. Such were the 
 consequences of a few officious, conceited, self-righteous 
 individuals interfering with what they had no concern, 
 and setting themselves up for judges of what they un- 
 derstood little or nothing, and all this too in direct oppo- 
 sition to the views, opinions, and wishes of nineteen out 
 of every twenty of their neighbours. My prohibition, 
 however, lasted but about nine months ; for, at the end 
 of that time, it pleased God suddenly to remove my 
 prohibitor into another world, where I most sincerely 
 hope he found rest unto his soul, and where, if I am 
 permitted to meet him, we shall perfectly understand 
 each other's acts and motives, and be of one heart and 
 of one mind for ever. This unpleasant affair was, on 
 my coming to reside at the living, followed up by ano- 
 ther of a more petty character. 
 
 One of the busy individuals, a Diotrephes in his way, 
 who loved to have the pre-eminence, and had taken a 
 part on the former occasion, vexed that they had not 
 more effectually succeeded with the Bishop, now deter- 
 mined, himself, to act a leading part in annoying me, 
 even to the extent of what, on ship-board, would have 
 been termed •' open mutiny." This man, under the influ- 
 
236 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 enceof a shallow head, and a peevish, angry, self-right- 
 eous temper, actually employed several days in mislead- 
 ing and ill-advising some of our choir of church sing- 
 ers; encouraging them to set me at defiance, and, during 
 divine service, to resist my regulation, and proceed totally 
 independent of me. Learning, on the Saturday, what 
 part the mutineers would in all probabilty act on the 
 morrow, I wrote to Mr. Diofrephes, without informing 
 him how much I knew of the part he had taken, direct- 
 ing him to act up to the laws of the land, and his own 
 official engagements, and be presKz^nt on the moirow at 
 church, and there do his duty, in protecting me from all 
 interruptions, and also in taking into custody, without 
 exception, all who should attempt to interrupt the ser- 
 vice. This, as I expected brought him to his recollec- 
 tion, and so alarmed both him and his party, that the lat- 
 ter absented themselves from the parish altogether on the 
 day of their intended exploits, and in a few weeks, hav- 
 ing obtained the good services of one of the most re- 
 spectable of the inhabitants as my churchwarden, we 
 disbanded the whole choir ; pulled down their privileged 
 partitions ; and threw the whole gallery into open seats 
 for less conceited and more christian-like individuals to 
 occupy. From that tim.e, every thing worthy the name 
 of qpposition has gradually died away : some of my op- 
 ponents having departed this life, and others having left 
 the parish ; so that I am enabled to say, " through hon- 
 our and dishonour, through evil report and good report, 
 I have lived to see the day wherein I experience at the 
 hands of my people in general, more kindness and re- 
 spect than falls to the common lot of parochial ministers." 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 237 
 
 This is a great mercy and comfort, for which I desire 
 to be thankful both to God and man : and I pray that the 
 Lord's choicest blessings may rest abundantly on the 
 head of every individual who has shown, or does now 
 show favour unto his servant. 
 
CHAPTER XX. 
 
 "thou SHALT REMEMBER ALL THE WAY WHICH THE 
 LORD THY GOD LED THEE." Deut. viii. 2. 
 
 "my GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL YOUR NEED ACCORDING 
 
 TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY BY CHRIST JESUS." 
 
 Phil. iv. 19. 
 
 Connected with my many and great mercies, first 
 as the curate of one parish and afterwards as the incum- 
 bent of another, I ought ever to remember how the 
 Lord hath led me, and supplied not merely my own va- 
 rious wants, but the wants of my poor people with the 
 means of instruction and various nloral benefits, without 
 which supplies my schools and various other little insti- 
 tutions, so necessary for their spiiituyl good, could not 
 have been set on foot or carried on. These supplies 
 have frequently arrived in such a way as would haiHly 
 gain credit — the tale concerning many of them, if told, 
 would appear too much like romance. I will tell but 
 one, and that of the less extraordinary cast; for this wn'll, 
 in some measure, prove how the Lord has supplied- all 
 my needs, for others as well as for myself During the 
 early part of my curacy I had been assisted hy various 
 friends in building a school-room, large enough to house 
 all the young people and children of the village. 
 
THE RETROSiECT. 239 
 
 This was used for a Sunday school throughout the year, 
 and for an evening school for adults and children during 
 the winter. The building had been paid for, and 
 fully occupied for one year : but now, the second 
 autumn w?s at hand, while a few pounds of debt had 
 been incurred in some necessary alterations, and an en- 
 tire stock of books, stationery, fuel, candles, and all the 
 appendages necessary to school-keeping for the winter 
 were required ; while I, as a sailor would term it, had 
 not a shot in the locker wherewith to procure them. 
 Day after day the people enquired, " When the evening 
 school was to commence ?" and with a heavy heart 1 
 could only reply, " I hoped soon." But it was a for- 
 lorn hope, for I had already drawn so deeply on the 
 bounty of all my friends to rear the building, that I 
 could not call on them again : and as the parish had 
 gone to a heavy expense in rendering the old church 
 decent and commodious, I could not apply for a'd at 
 home ; so I knew not what to do. It seemed as though 
 this part of our proceedings must be suspended altoge- 
 ther. Such was the state of our little affairs, when a 
 gentleman, an entire stranger, called for half an hour, 
 with an old naval acquaintance of mine, and then left 
 the village. Nothing during their stay, had passed in 
 our conversation relative to these difficulties; and when 
 we parted I had not the most distant expectation of hear- 
 ing from, or ever seeing this person again. But no 
 sooner had he reached London t^>an he remitted me a 
 bank post bill of sufficient amoimi to pay off' our debt, 
 furnish a stock of all necessaries, and carry on the whole 
 schooling for the winter : while the people were alike 
 
240 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 ignorant of my difficulties and apprehensions, and of the 
 way in which the good providence of God relieved me 
 from them both. 
 
 It may here be a proper place to state, that soon after 
 I had entered into orders, I considered it right to with- 
 draw my name from the Navy List, and consequently 
 to relinquish my half-pay, a step to which several of my 
 friends objected ; arguing, that this income was a remu- 
 neration for past services; and that many gentlemen 
 who had entered the church from the army and navy 
 continued to draw theirs. In addition to these argu- 
 ments they declared, with great truth, that in giving up 
 the naval profession I had turned my back on all my 
 fair prospects in the world ; that I was never likely to 
 obtain ecclesiastical riches ; nay, that I had nothing be- 
 fore me but poverty in this world for my services in the 
 church, and that I should need every shilling of my 
 half-pay to procure me the necessaries of life ; and the 
 more especially so, as they were pleased to think I did 
 not know how to economize, or take care of a few shil- 
 lings when I happened to have them. To all this I 
 replied, " that I felt I had, indeed, earned this half-pay 
 by honest, hard service, and that I might legally con- 
 tinue to receive it ; but that, under all circumstances, I 
 considered it inexpedient to do so. I could trust in the 
 promises and providence of a gracious God to supply 
 all my needs ; and would not leave it in the power of 
 worldly men to say, I had embarked in the service of 
 the church for the sake of ease or emolument. More- 
 over, by thus casting myself on God for food and 
 laiment, I was taking one direct step to satisfy my own 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 241 
 
 mind as to the honesty of my motives in entering into 
 my new calling." I accordingly directed my agent to 
 make out my account, and prepare for a final settle- 
 ment. This done, I s»^nt to Sir George Hope, my kind 
 and best naval friend, then one of the most influential 
 Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty, sincerely ac- 
 knowledging my deep sense of all his past favours, and 
 informing him that as I was then a member of the 
 Univeisity, and in holy orders, and did not intend to em- 
 bark again on shipboard, I requested my name might 
 be removed from the Navy List; to make room for, at 
 least, one of those many and meritorious young men 
 who had long been waiting and hoping for promotion. 
 
 1 fear, that Sir George united with some of my ac- 
 quaintance in condemning my conduct as inconsiderate 
 and rash : but I have ever felt thankful to God that I 
 had it in my heart, and in my power, to take this step. 
 I believe it was the most consistent one I could take, 
 and 1 am sure, that He, into whose more immediate 
 service I had entered, and on whose more direct provi- 
 dential care I thus cast myself, has never, since that day, 
 ceased to care for me! Truly, " my God hath sup- 
 plied all my needs according to his riches in glory by 
 Christ Jesus !" Yet my faith was sometimes put to the 
 test, and, no doubt, would have quite failed, had not He 
 who prayed for Peter interceded for me also. When I 
 wrote to my agent for a final settlement I knew that I 
 was on the best side of his books ; for, low as was the 
 opinion of my friends as to my prudence in worldly 
 aflfairs, I always aimed to keep out of debt; but the re- 
 sult of the balance-sheet soon convinced me, that my 
 21 
 
242 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 credit amount was less than I had supposed it to be. 
 Just about that time I had fitted up and replenished a 
 good village medical dispensatory ; and having calcu- 
 lated its annual cost, and the expenses of our schools, 
 and other little religious and moral establishments, I 
 looked, first at my balance-sheet, then at my dispensa- 
 tory schools, and lastly at my salary as curate ; and 
 saw at once, that I could not long keep these things 
 going myself, and I really knew not where to calculate 
 on supplies from others. Here the demon of unbelief 
 suggested, " Would it not have been wiser had you re- 
 tained your half-pay?" For a little while I staggered 
 through unbelief, but I was soon enabled " to trust and 
 not be afraid." Believing, as I did, that these things 
 were necessary for my people, and likely to promote 
 the divine glory, 1 left it with my Heavenly Father to 
 provide the silver and the gold, if it were his will these 
 things should go on. And now, reader, I can look 
 back on these gone-by days, and say, that the Lord did 
 so supply all my needs, that not one of these little un- 
 dertakings was suffered to fall to the ground for lack of 
 support ! Often did help come much in the same way 
 as on the occasion particularized, and often it came from 
 I knew not whence, nor ever have known. Thus have 
 I been made to see, even unto the present day, that it is 
 a good thing to trust in the Lord, By experience I 
 know, that He hath supplied, and by faith I do believe 
 that " He will supply all my needs according to His 
 riches in glory by Christ Jesus." 
 
CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 "thou SHALT REMEMBER ALL THE WAY WHICH THE 
 LORD THY GOD LED THEE." Deut. viii. 2. 
 
 " IN ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE 
 SHALL DIRECT THY PATHS." Prov. iii. 6. 
 
 In reviewing the way by which I have been led 
 since I quitted the navy, and the various paths of mer- 
 cies and providential events through which I have been 
 conducted, — mercies at all times unmerited, and events, 
 as to many of them, once altogether unthought of, — I 
 am here called on to notice and praise the Lord for the 
 privilege of having been enabled, in my quiet retreat on 
 shore, in some measure, to serve the best interest of those 
 men I left afloat ; though I have to condemn myself for 
 allowing much time to pass away before any efforts 
 were made in their behalf It is true, that the first four 
 years of my time on the land were fully and anxiously 
 taken up in studies for, and in the duties of the ministe- 
 rial office. Yet I fear I cannot justify myself The 
 enemy of souls, no doubt, suggested, "that I had now 
 no further concern with seamen, being fully engaged in 
 other duties, and living where such men were unknown 
 and unthought of" In entertaining these ideas, I fell 
 into that ungrateful apathy which had so long pervaded 
 
244 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 the hearts of almost all classes of the inland inhabitants 
 of our nation — an apathy as criminal and disgraceful as 
 any thmg which stands on record to the discredit of a 
 British population. For it had held back, even the 
 ppopie of God, from all sympathy, from all activity, and 
 from all hope concerning those meritorious, but debased 
 and ignorant men. At length, however, God put it 
 mto the hearts of a few of his servants to attempt various 
 things for their moral improvement; or rather to assist 
 and encourage that work which he himself had begun 
 among them. Hence, in London and various sea-port 
 and other towns, societies were formed, and various 
 measures adopted for instructing and christianizing our 
 seamen. Public meetings were also called to state their 
 claims, to explain their real circumstances, and to enlist 
 the best feelings of the nation in their moral welfare. 
 These measures have been owned of God to the awaken- 
 ing of a portion of the country to a sense of their duty 
 in this particular, as well as to the real spiritual benefit 
 of many hundreds of our seamen themselves. So that, 
 if the whole; mass of our present maritime population be 
 compared with that of twenty-five years ago, when I 
 assemble^d a few of them in the C 's wi7ig for reli- 
 gious instruction, there will appear sufficient matter to 
 justify our exclaiming. "This is the Lord's doing, and 
 it is marvellous in our eyes." It was my privileged lot 
 to take a small part in that day of small things when 
 the power of God began to be known in the conversion 
 of st-veraL and in the awakening of many more in our 
 fleets, to a sense of the value of their souls. This work 
 proceeded after I left them until the general peace, at 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 245 
 
 which time more than eighty of our ships of war had a 
 little band of praying men on board; while the people 
 on shore, even ministers and pious characters, were un- 
 connected with and ignorant of the matter. When 
 these christian seamen were paid off from the navy, and 
 scattered through the ships of our merchants, they at- 
 , tracted the attention of pious landsmen, who now, for 
 the first time, began to think it not altogether in vain to 
 attempt something in behalf of sailors: and, as was be- 
 fore observed, various plans and measures were adopted 
 for their spiritual benefit. Still there was a great dearth 
 of books of a description suited to their prejudices, 
 habits, taste, and standard of knowledge ; and knowing 
 how difficult, or rather impossible, it is for a mere lands- 
 man to write, so as to meet these peculiarities with a 
 good hope of success, I fclt it my duty to make the at- 
 tempt, and eventually wrote seven tracts, and gave them 
 to that useful institution, the Religious Tract Society^ 
 established in London, in 1799, and one for the Church 
 of England Tract Society, instituted in Bristol, in 
 1811.* By which societies considerably more than 
 half a million copies of these humble works have been 
 circulated ; and instances of the divine blessing on their 
 perusal have not been wanting. But as the great mass 
 of the inhabitants of the interior were as ignorant of the 
 real state of our seamen, as these seamen were ignorant 
 
 The Bristol tract is called " The Prayer Book at Sea." 
 Those circulated by the London Society are " Convei-mfioii in a 
 BooV'—"- The Two Shipmates" — "The Seaman's Fnend"—"The 
 Seaman's Spy GUiss" — "The Smugglers" — "The Wreckers" axid 
 " The Roijal Revieic" 
 
 21* 
 
246 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 of the knowledge and fear of God, it became necessary 
 to address them, which I was enabled to do from time 
 to time through the medium of our religious periodicals; 
 especially the Christian Guardian, or Church of Eng- 
 land Magazine ; as well as on a few occasions to advo- 
 cate their cause from platforms and pulpits. Mean- 
 while other and more able friends had zealously em- 
 barked in this good work, so that considerable attention 
 was excited both among the seamen themselves, and 
 those who hitherto had neither understood their case or 
 interested themselves in their behalf I shall ever con- 
 sider it a great privilege to have thus been permitted and 
 enabled to throw in my mite of services here; as it has 
 convinced some who doubted the propriety of my leav- 
 ing the navy, that 1 could not so effectually have served 
 my old companions by continuing in their immediate 
 ranks, as I have been enabled to do since I quitted them. 
 Undoubtedly, the time I passed at sea gave me habits 
 and experience suited to the every-day wear and tear of 
 real life, which I could not have acquired in a college 
 — and. on the other hand, what 1 have passed through 
 since I left the sea has imparted certain advantages not 
 to be acquired afloat : so that in the retrospect I see 
 abundant cause to thank and praise the Lord for both 
 these dispensations of his providence — for thus leading 
 me by ways I once knew not — by such, as once, I 
 never thought of being directed in. 
 
 Connected very closely with the above subject of 
 praise and thanksgiving is another, equally unexpected 
 by me, for many years of my life, and at every recollec- 
 tion of which I feel unabated surprise, namely, that I 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 247 
 
 should ever become the author of several little volumes, 
 and that any thing I could write should interest the 
 public in general, and prove useful to various readers in 
 particular. For some time after I was in holy orders, 
 nothing could be further from my thoughts than this. 
 Here, however, as in the circumstance of embarking in 
 the ministerial office, the providences of God took the 
 lead ; in both I now can see the way by which he led 
 me, so as to lay a kind of necessity on me to write. 
 When I began this new and unexpected occupation, if I 
 may so term it, in drawing up the first paper of the 
 Retrospect on one second of February evening,* I had 
 no intention of proceeding to a second number, nor any 
 object in view but that of gratifying a very few intimate 
 friends, and particularly my kind and beloved vicar, 
 whose father-like regards led him to take a deep interest 
 in all my past wanderings and pursuits. The public 
 and the critics were alike out of my thoughts, and out 
 of my hopes and fears, even after I had increased my 
 papers to several numbers. The fact is, I wrote to 
 gratify a few dear friends ; these friends were pleased 
 and amused, and in pleasing them I gratified myself; 
 never dreaming that others would at all enter into their 
 feelings. Thus I actually began my authorship, with- 
 out an intention and scarcely a thought of what was 
 taking place. And now, I again repeat it, that when- 
 ever I reflect on this circumstance, and remember all 
 the way by which the Lord my God hath led me in 
 this once so unexpected a department, I am almost lost 
 
 * See Chapter II. 
 
248 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 in astonishment, that such a thing should ever have 
 come to pass, and more so, that my poor productions 
 should have proved so acceptable as they have done; 
 and that the Lord should have smiled upon them so as, 
 through their medium, to seal instruction to the souls of 
 men ! Were it necessary to multiply instances in illus- 
 tration of that motto, " Cast thy bread upon the waters; 
 for thou shalt find it after many days :" I could add 
 many from this source, especially from what a gracious 
 God has been pleased to do by the instrumentality of 
 this little volume. I will name, however, but one in- 
 stance ; and may the recollection of this one, even if 
 there were no others to reflect on, make me humble and 
 thankful, as I ought to be. 
 
 The scene of this tale was H y, in Berkshire. 
 
 The subject of it a young man, a naval lieutenant on 
 halfpay, and the informant was my friend, the then 
 pious minister of that place, but now of one of the new 
 churches in London. What the general course of this 
 young man's life had formerly been I know not; but 
 certainly he did not profess the principles of infidelity, 
 properly so called, for he rather prided himself on being 
 a church-man, as he called himself, and was greatly 
 disposed to build his hopes of heaven on the supposed 
 goodness of his own heart. One thing, however, was 
 very clear, that he had passed his days in great igno- 
 rance of the doctrines of Christianity, as distinguished 
 from heathen morality, and that he attached much of a 
 popish idea of absolution from sin, to the receiving the 
 ordinance of the sacrament of our Lord's Supper, an 
 error by no means uncommon among tens of thousands 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 249 
 
 in this land ! Being in the last stage of a consumption, 
 Lieutenant B. sent an authoritative kind of message for 
 the minister to come and administer to him that ordi- 
 nance of which he knew so little, but from which he 
 expected so much. Happily for him, he had not to do 
 with a blind leader of the blind on such an occasion. 
 On entering the room, my friend soon learnt that he had 
 to deal with a haughty, self-righteous, and uncourteous 
 man ; and in the mildest way possible gave him to un- 
 derstand, that it would be more profitable were they to 
 hold a few conversations on the nature of this ordinance, 
 and the state of mind most acceptable to God in those 
 who participate of it. To this very timely and reason- 
 able proposition Lieutenant B. replied, " Ah, I expected 
 something of this kind. I suppose I am not saint enough 
 in your opinion." As he then appeared incapable of 
 being softened down, this interview closed with mutual 
 dissatisfaction on both sides ; indeed, it was a very un- 
 pleasant visit to my friend, as were several of those he 
 afterwards paid, for the poor sick man still kept up his 
 forbidding, self righteous, haughty carriage; neither 
 bowing to the arguments of the minister, nor to the au- 
 thority of the word of God. At length, almost in de- 
 spair, and perplexed as to what step next to take, my 
 friend thought of the Retrospect, and determined on 
 ofl^ering it for his perusal. The book was, accordingly, 
 taken, and having been received in his usually cold and 
 ungracious manner, it was, for the present, thrown aside. 
 My friend now, purposely, staid away for several days, 
 without making one call; during which interval, as it 
 afterwards appeared, Lieutenant B. was induced to look 
 
250 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 into the book, from feelings of mere curiosity, to learn 
 what a person, once in his own profession, had to say 
 on religious subjects. He then began to read ; and as 
 he proceeded, the narrative engaged his attention, until, 
 by and by, discovering that he himself had a personal 
 acquaintance with some of the events alluded to, he be- 
 came considerably interested, and in a good temper with 
 the book. This paved the way for a favourable consid- 
 eration of the instructions and admonitions interwoven 
 with the tales ; and he read it over again, and again, 
 until it pleased God to bless it to the enlightening of his 
 dark understanding, and to the humbling of his proud 
 heart; so that he now beheld himself what the word of 
 God declares man to be, — a polluted, helpless, undone, 
 and lost sinner, by nature and practice, who must for 
 ever perish far from the presence of the Lord, and from 
 the glory of his power, unless the blood of Christ Jesus 
 cleanses from all sin, and the Holy Ghost renews the 
 heart. In this state of itiind he began to pray, and read 
 the Scriptures; and the Lord most graciously enabled 
 him to believe, and to find peace in believing; so that 
 when my friend next visited him, he found him "in 
 Christ Jesus, and a new creature," in whom, it might 
 be said, " old things had indeed passed away, and all 
 things had really become new." The stern and frown- 
 ing features of his once haughty countenance were now 
 changed for placidity and gentleness; his once rough 
 arid self-confident manner had given place to kindness 
 and humility. It was a change visible in his counte- 
 nance on the first entrance into his room, as well as in 
 the tone of his voice, and the whole cast of his man- 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 251 
 
 ners ; and it continued to prove itself the genuine work 
 of the Spirit, by the fruits which it increasingly bore 
 during the brief continuance of his earthly course ; so 
 that my friend had now as much pleasure and comfort 
 in his society, as once he had pain and distress. The 
 Lieutenant's partiality for the Retrospect led him to 
 form the resolution of sending a copy to each of his old 
 naval companions, whom he had left in a similar state 
 of spiritual ignorance and unconcern with himself; 
 fondly hoping that the work might prove as useful to 
 them as it had been to himself It was well that such 
 a purpose was in his heart ; but the Lord saw good not 
 to permit the execution of it. The days of his servant 
 were about to be numbered ; his strength was rapidly 
 brought down by the way ; and after a little more of 
 bodily weakness, the soul was removed hence, not to a 
 w^orld of unfulfilled purposes or unsatisfied desires, but 
 to a kingdom where the inhabitants are filled with all 
 the fulness of God. 
 
 Here I must bring my retrospect of later days to a 
 close ; thankful and happy if any thing I have related 
 of myself should exhibit the grace and goodness of my 
 heavenly Father, and be the means of encouraging but 
 one of my readers to active exertions for the benefit of 
 others. We all know that vanity and self conceit are 
 qualities which not only bring on us the merited con- 
 tempt of our fellow men, but the solemn displeasure of 
 our God. Hence, as we would honestly desire the 
 good opinion of the one, and stand in awe of the power 
 of the other, we should watch against these temptations. 
 But at the very time we are guarding against these, 
 
252 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 we have need to be equally on our guard, lest we 
 are tempted to hide our little tali nt in the napkin of self- 
 indulgence, love of ease, or fear of man. What I have 
 done, so far as abilities for the work are required, thou- 
 sands of others might do likewise, whenever placed in 
 correspondent circumstances. Most ignorant should I 
 be of myself, were I not sure, that I possess no extraor- 
 dinary powers of mind or body, but many infirmities of 
 both; no eminent talents, either literary, scientific, or 
 practical. What I have I would bhss and praise the 
 Lord for; while, with the most unfeigned humility, I 
 would confess my want of due improvement of them. 
 Only let my readers pray each for himself from the 
 heart, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do ? and they 
 may rest assured, that whatever be their respective sta- 
 tions in life, or their talents for working, the Lord will 
 open a suitable field to their view, and be with, and bless 
 their endeavours to serve him in it. 
 
 And now, christian reader, farewell! Behold, the 
 time is short, it therefore behoves me to arise, and go 
 forth with all my might to do, myself, what I have en- 
 joined on thee. The down-hill of life is before me, and 
 in the valley lies that grave wherein no man can work. 
 How smooth, or how rugged the declivity may be is 
 known only to Him who has promised " to be with his 
 people even unto the end ; and never to leave or forsake 
 them." 
 
 Many a christian stranger, and not a few of my be- 
 loved christian friends, who once amused themselves by 
 reading the former editions of this little book, will never 
 peruse this. For they have entered that house appointed 
 
THK RETROSPECT. 5263 
 
 for all living ; they are gathered unto their fathers, and 
 have seen corruption. This is the inseparable conse- 
 quence of the flight of time. And he who, like myself, 
 takes a retrospective glance through twenty years of his 
 life of manhood, will find himself alone in many a place 
 where once some dear friend or relative was present to 
 hail his approach. " For man cometh up, and is cut 
 down like a flower ; he fleeth as it were a shadow, and 
 never continueth in one stay." From this painful retro- 
 spect let us, my christian reader, look forward to that 
 rest which remains for the people of God. Let us look 
 forward to that world where already there is such " a 
 great multitude of them arrived as no man can number — 
 let us often contemplate them as standing before the 
 throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, 
 and palms in their hands. For they are before the 
 throne of God, and serve him day and night in his tem- 
 ple : and He that sitteth on the throne dwells among 
 them." On earth they had their various trials, but 
 henceforth " They shall hunger no more, neither thirst 
 any more: neither shall the sun light on them, nor any 
 heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne 
 shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living foun- 
 tains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears 
 from their eyes." O, happy world ! and happy people 
 who possess it ! 
 
 " Some of the shining number, once I knew, 
 
 And travelled with them here ; 
 Nay, some (my elder brethren now) 
 Sat later out for heav'n ; my junior saints below ; 
 Long after me they heard the call of grace, 
 
 Which wftk'd them into righteouaness. 
 
254 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 How have they got beyond ! 
 Converted last, yet first with glory crown'd; 
 
 Little, once, I thought that these 
 
 ^Vould first the summit gain, 
 And leave me, far behind, slow journeying thro' the plaint 
 Lov'J while on earth ; nor less belov'd tho' gone : 
 Think not I envy you your crown ; 
 No, if I could. I would not call you down. 
 
 Though slower is my pace, 
 
 To you I'll follow on, 
 
 Leaning on Jesus all the way, 
 
 Who, now and then, lets fall a ray 
 
 Of comfort from his throne." 
 
 ToPLADT. 
 
 Yes, and this shall urge me forward ; and every day as 
 I hasten on I would remember all the way by which 
 the Lord my God hath led me. And in all my ways I 
 would, day by day, acknowlege him, who hath promised 
 to direct all my paths. I have had, as thou, my chris- 
 tian reader, art now aware of, some experience of his 
 presence with me in past years, and trials, and dangers; 
 and still relying on him I shall be in safe hands for the 
 future. Often hath this gracious Lord disappointed all 
 my fears ; and often hath he interposed his shield of 
 power and love for my defence. " He can bear me 
 through every future event, and lift me above all the tur- 
 moils and disquietudes, all the sorrows and sufferings 
 connected with the remainder of my short journey in 
 the wilderness ; and when I come to its very margin, he 
 can carry me through the stream of the river, and 
 through the shadow of the dark valley, in such a man- 
 ner as that 1 shall fear no evil." May it be so, O ihou 
 God of all grace and consolation, for thy beloved Sons 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 256 
 
 sake, even until I awake up m thy likeness, and am for 
 ever satisfied with it. 
 
 " O glorious hour ! O blest abode ! 
 Thus to be near and like my God ! 
 Where flesh and sin no more controul 
 The sacred pleasures of the soul." 
 
 CND.