PS 1299 C155 :) LIBRARY OF CONGRESS D0QD2Tb577A • Q ,4q *? °^. .«<&> £3U>% HUSBAND os. WIFE; Nobody to Blame. w HUSBAND " WIFE W D \. il ITH ESIGNS BY . , OPPIN (IUustraior of "Nothing 10 Wear."; N Y N EW- 1 ORK : " UDD & *• ARLETON, 3IO ROADWAY M.DCCC.LVIII. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S57, by EUDD & CAIILETOX, in tbe Clerk's Oflice of tbe District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York. R. Craighead, C. A. Alvord, I£Irctrotyprr. printer. ROLOGUE. :o: BEL McADAM— may his tribe increafe ! — Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, And faw, within the gaf- light of his room, A female fpirit (dreffed up h la Rloom- Er), writing fomething in a book of gold. Exceeding drink had made McAdam bold, And to the prefence in the room he faid, w ' What writeft, dear ?" The fpirit raifed its head. Prologue. And with a voice like that of cooing dove, Murmured : " The names of men whom icomen lover " And is mine one ?" afked Abel. " No, lir-ee,'' Replied the fpirit. Abel roared with glee, Then coolly laid : " Sweet fprite, write me as one Who ne'er finds fault with what a woman's done." The Bloomer wrote and vanilhed ; but the next night It came again with a great wakening light, And fhowed the names by love of woman bleifed. When, lo! MeAdamh- name led all tlie rest ! Canto First. gS^pC^ V HUSBAND vs. WIFE Apropos of tli( bis wife findeth fault, W¥°¥^^ KAY whose is the fault," inquired Pi SilA Si Iittle Dolt ' u sli £ SR Of Ma'am Dorothy Ditto, as she passe JOS- him the salt, "Pray whose is the fault, That nothing whatever comes on to this cloth, From a canvass-back duck to a basin of broth, But it's spoiled in the cooking? To scold I am loth, And in fact, as you know, ma'am, I never get wroth, (Oil, confound that salt, I've taken too much,) 9 Husband vs. Wife. But you'll find, Mrs. Dolt, You reckon too much On my patience, if these things are long to continue, For it's hard, after straining each nerve and each sinew- To raise money enough to make both the ends meet, To find one end is bone, and the other not sweet, While, though lack, dear, of spice is by no means your fault, I'm e'en put on allowance of pepper and salt." Madam Dolt to slack np biiifl her husband whose back up she says lie's e'er getting auu forever fretting about nothing whatever and threatening to sever the tie that forever should bidd them together In all sorU of weather 10 Husband m Wife, " Now, Doolittle, pray do shut up : We never to dine or to sup, Or to have a good chat in the evening sit down. But your face, once so handsome, is spoiled by a frown, While your back it goes up, and your foot it goes down, And at once you proceed to get up a great row, Sir, (Don't say that you don't, for you're doing it now, sir,) And to scold till you're hoarse, And e'en threaten divorce, When you know that you took me for better or worse/' (Yes, and got much the worst of it, but that is of course "And unless, Mr. Dolt, You stop finding fault, I'll but no matter, please hand back the salt." 11 Husband vs. Wife. Mr. Dolt asks permission t>> speak but derision alone he encounters so be falters and flounders and instead of a blessing receives agood drcss- " With pleasure, Ma'am Dolt, And now pray permit me — ' " Not a word, sir, unless Of blame you acquit me, And give up, (why, bless me, you've used all the salt,) This ridiculous business of e'er finding fault. " But allow me, good madam, 12 Husband vs. Wife. Ever since those two fussy Frenen servants we've had 'em, Everything in this house lias — " "Dear sir, you are a mad man, And I pray you at once just to bridle your tongue, Or at least to stop singing that dolorous sonecause (although how should the owners e'er know it, Or in case that they did know, how foolish to blow it), N T <>t a pump on her deck could the captain make go, And so The ship she went down, as the best ships will do, With two thirds of her passengers and most of her crew. 84- Husband vs. Wife. How Mrs. r> : hat it's plain that ii" holdfaull famed when his s Now, Ma'am Dolt, when this story her husband he read it her With the comments of the very belligerent editor, Made an awful ado, Just because he insisted (and you'd do it, too), That a certain wise person, and he could tell who, Could and would certify in the owner's own name. That say what the world might, there was no one to blame. "No one to blame,' 1 cried she, "that's of course, 35 Husband vs. Wife. Because you arc the owner ; but whether is worse, Mr. Doolittle Dolt, For me, sir, to say On some unlucky clay, When there's not enough salt In the soup, < )r the stoop Is not clean, or your shirt has a button oil", < h the dog has just carried a nice shoulder of mutton off, That there's no one to blame, Or for you to say the same, Now a ship with her crew to the bottom has sunk, Because furnished much worse than a Chinese junk, (Which at least has pumps, Though her masts are stumps,) 36 Husband «& Wife. When, to say it, I'm bold, sir, If fitted and rigged as she ought to have been, It's as certain as life, that no water had been Very long in her hold, sir, While the furious tempest she then might have weathered, Easy and tree, And round their dear homesteads that crew had been gathered Now drowned in the sea." Phe apostrophizes the men at this crisis and growing quite humdrum propounds a conundrum or riddle or what not and asks if we ought not to solve it before complaints any more we lay at her door. 37 Husband vs. Wife. " O you men ! you men I who are always so cruel. To us women to whom you preach up what a jewel Consistency is, Pray unriddle me this, How is it you still declaim 'Gainst your wives and your daughters the weary day long And our sex defame, As if woman were guilty for all that goes wrong (E'en your own eccentricities ; For vexed men's bliss it is To lay upon us, just as though we were Atlases, The fault of their blunders, their sins, and rascalities,) How is it our shame You still will proclaim While the dreary old strain you forever prolong, 08 Husband vs. Wife, That with you naught is wrong, But that for all the disasters and follies and crimes That dishonor your sex in these much boasted times Of Reform and what not, There's no one to blame, One tittle or jot, No one to blame." Mr. Dolt here admits (for ho has candid fits) that Ids wife has the best of it an^ saya many a test of it he give but he don't or else won't and insists that when men fight their wives, it is plain they always pay dear and get a flea in their ear. Didn't I tell you," said Dolt, "that my wife had the best of it 39 Husband vs. Wife. In every quarrel I ] might furnish you many another good test of it, Nay, what's more I'll Engage (for it's clear that the women all fool ye), That my case is in no way whatever peculiar, But that in all this metropolis. Among gentry or populace. There's never a man with his wife tries his wits r But he's ever the first in the end to cry quits." True, men rarely give up, Vet that night when at sup, (They had their evening confection late) Says Dolt, in a tone affectionate : i'.My dear angel, 1 think it most clear that to-night 40 Husband vs. Wife. We both have been wrong, yes, and both have been right. And if you who good sense have so often exhibited, Will admit—" But she kissed him right there and admitted it, And the subject at once they both cheerfully quitted it, They hoped once for all, And then wound up a quarrel by good manners prohibited, With the following: Moral : That as nearly all men, not to stretch it, are mortal, And nearly all women, beg pardon, the same, And we are more or less likely, it seems, to be caught all, In doing things justly entitled to blame, It follows that each, at his matins and vespers, is 41 Husband m Wife. Bound to acknowledge not your but his trespasses, And that e'en in the matter of Dolt vs. Dolt, It's their own private business, sir, Whose is the fault. 4-2 Epilogue. F#" F the wed reader thinks I'm wed, Or if the pecked think I am pecked, SjH^^gji: They know not well the ftf^ff f^ffff^lfl iubtle head That fliuns the rock where they are wrecked. Single or not to me is near, Hymen and low men are the same, The vanifhed loves to me appear, And one to me are maid and dame. 43' Epilog ue. They reckon ill who feek me out ; When me they court, I take my wings, I am the flirter and the flirt, And I the fong that Ccelebs lings. The old maids pine for my abode, And pine in vain the facred Three ; But thou, meek lover of the good, Read this, and give thy heart to me. 44 RECENT PUBLICATIONS RUDD & CARLETON 310 Broadway, New York. DOCTOR ANTONIO, A Tale of Italy. 12mo. elegantly boun. elegantly bound in cloth and Illustrated. Price, $1.25. From the Boston Transcript. "Terse and emphatic as Charles Read's best stories, the characters at logttes are given with a dramatic emphasis and point, that insensibly wins." EROS AND ANTEROS ; or the Bachelor's Ward. 12mo. handsomely bound in cloth. Price, $1.00. From the Inquirer. 1 A story of strong interest, in which the element of affection is prominent. Like D'l^rat-l evading love, forms the centre of me story, round which livi aerials which fill out the picture." THE SFUYTENDUYVIL CHRONICLE, A Satire. 12mo. elegantly bound in cloth. Price, 75 cts. 7ViWe of Contents. " It exhibiteth the illustrious Knickerbocker family of the Spuytenduyvils in various colors. The saying.-: and doinss of onr trusty friend old Hyson the Huiulmggy, and his daughter, the vivacious ii. id fascinating Fanny. Saratoga and Newport Flirtations. Camellias and Dia- monds et • , etc., etc." NOTHING- TO WEAR, (From Harpers 1 Weekly). 12mo. bound in cloth. Price, 50 cts. frofnsely and elegantly illustrated on tinted paper, from designs by HOP IN (the first humorous artist in America). IN PRESS A FRESH BOOK OF TRAVELS. ROUMANIA.— The Border Land of the Christian and the Turk By James O. Notes, M.D. (Surgeon in the Turkish army). Profusely illustrated •with full page engravings. ITALIAN LITERATURE BEATRICE CENCL— A historical novel by GUKRAZZI. Translated from the Italian, by Lr/ioi Montl Of Harvard University. Copies of any of these books will be sent by mail pomtil ge paid to any piirt of the U. S., on receipt of the price. ITALIAN LITERATURE. JUST PUBLISHED! BEATRICE CENCL An Hiltorical Novel of the Fifteenth Century, By GUERRAZZI. Tranflated from the Original Italian By LUIGI MONTI, of Harvard University. 12mo. Elegantly bound in cloth. 2 vols. With a Steel Engraving, after the celebrated Portrait by Guido JReni. Price $2 00. From Morris & Willis's Home Journal. •' We learn that Sig. Luigi Monti, of Harvard College, has translated Gukerazzi's famous historical novel of Beatrice Cenci, and that it is now in cour.se of publication. There will undoubtedly be a great desire felt to see this volume — Guerrazzi is probably the most distinguished of living [ Italian) authors, ami we are glad to know that the modern literature of Italy — with which we are but little acquainted — will be inaugurated by so brilliant a specimen of novel writing as this is. The life of Beatrice has been generally, indeed we may say entirely, misunderstood : but Guerrazzi has shown us in his very powerful work, completed after careful labor, what is probably the correct exposition of this sad history. Everyone has read Shelley's tragedy of the 'Cenct,' and those fortunate enough to have extended their travels as far as Italy, remember as one of the loveliest spe- cimens of art. the ever admired and copied portrait of Beatrice by Guide, now in the gallery of the Barberini Palace. 1 ' Guerrazzi in his Preface to this work says, addressing the unfortunate shade of Beatrice: "Inasmuch as I have been able to comprehend thee, implore for me sufficient power to narrate worthily thy history to these dear Italian maid- ens, who love thee as a sister just departed, though the shadow of two centuries and a half is spread over thy sepulchre. Verily thine is a history of sad crimes; but the maidens of my country will read it. It will pierce their gentle souls like a sword; but they Mill read it. When the youth whom they love is approaching, they will hasten, blushing, to hide it; but they will read it. and will offer thee the only gift that can be given to the betrayed — tears." The effect of this powerful work upon the impassionate and vehement Italian reader is such, that certain of the governments have interdicted its publication, and it is now rarely seen in Italy. Sold by all Booksellers throughout the U. S and Canadas. The Publishers will send copies of this book by mail, postage paid, to any part of the U. S. on receipt of the price — Two Dollars. RUDD & CARLETON, Publifhers and Booksellers, 310 Broadway, New York. " Your book is perfectly alive, hearty and Belf-susinining. Nobody can fail to recognise Hit enii-rpi'isnii wide awake traveller in every line of il."— Extract from plicate Utter, bu Dr. Oivtr Wendell Holme*. JUST OUT, The handsomest American ILLUSTRATED BOOK OF TRAVELS Ever published! R O U M A N I A : THE BORDER LAND OF THE CHRISTIAN AND THE TURK, Comprising Adventures of Travel in EASTERN EUROPE AND WESTERN ASIA. By JAMES O. NOTES, M.D.. (surgeon in the ottoman army ) Large 12mo. Pp.520. Elegantly bound in Cloth. Price $1 50. A long continued residence in AUSTRIA, HUNGARY, SERVIA, THE DANUBIAN PRINCIPALITIES AND TURKEY, and a fami- liarity with several European languages, have enabled the author of this volume to become so intimately acquainted -with the inhabitants of the above countries, that no more capable individual, perhaps, could be found to relate truly, and in so interesting a manner, the customs and charac- teristics of a people, together with such historical sketches and personal adventures as would form A Capital Book of Travel. His object has been to give a truthful picture of the everyday life of the people among whom he travelled, especially the poetical nations of the Lower Danube, whose names are scarcely known to Amercan readers What relates to humanity concerns all, and to know the beliefs and senti- ments of our fellow-beings, to learn with what songs, traditions. ;md pastimes they amuse each other, interests us more than the dry details of governments, or the mere imp essions of the passing traveller. In order to make this work as attractive as possible it has been pro- fusely embellished with Full Page Engravings, from original designs, upon wood, illustrative of objects of historical interest, together with such pictures of the life and manners at the present day as will make for the reader altogether the Handsomest Book of Travel ever published in this country. Sold by all Booksellers in the United States. Copies of this book will be sent by mail, postage paid, to any part of the United States, on receipt of the price, $1 50. Rudd & Carleton, Publishers and Booksellers, 310 Broadicay, N. Y. C 32 89 -*U 1 * a^ - /. W 4«fe %^ ''life: V* > . . * A <, 0^\ 4^ ^' ^ \s *