PR 6023 
 .057 06 
 1901 
 Copy 1 
 
On the Hire Svstem 
 
 A DRAWING-ROOM COMKDV 
 Bv Mrs. Louisa 1-. l-aiu; 
 
On the Hire System 
 
 \ l)RA\VIN(;-ROOM coMF.ny 
 
 Bv Mrs. l.ouisa L. Lant^r 
 
 Copyright, i«,X)i. 
 Bv DoDD. Mead & Comi-ann 
 
TWF L.!3RARY OF 
 CONGRESS, 
 
 Two Cor-lES fttCHtVEO 
 
 OCT. 30 1901 
 
 COPYRIOMT ENTRY 
 
 CLASS C\. XXc. N . 
 COP. J. 
 
 
DRAMATIS PERSON.T:. 
 
 l-(iKi) \\ n.LiAM C:ii:sTi uTox. rich and eccentric l>acliel«»r. 
 Sir Georc.k Marc ii mont, his friciul. 
 
 Miss Sisax Dalvrvmple. friend of Lady (iweii. lUiiiertiel'l 
 Lady Gwexdolf.x Ritthrfield. widow, sister t<> Lord W . 
 
 Chesterton. 
 Mi.s.>^ Bl.AXCllE S(»MFRTt>x. ill lovc w iih Lord W. Chesteron. 
 
 iHiotmen. 
 
 j^i-,.;xi- — l)riiwiiti^-ri)<fiii of Lai>v (Ju knuolkx }irTTi:Ri--ii:i.i>"s 
 Ihnisr iicnr ^H\ir^m7'i--oii-'riiiiiiii\<. 1 1 lonhs out t.K.vrds 
 ri:\'r. with -«//•(/«•// hrti^'rcn. 
 
S( ?>''•: T. — T.Aiiv (Invknt. P.CfTF.RKir.i.h's (Inm'itii^-room, hoii^ 
 nn Thanii's. ncc.r W'ar^ravc. Piiiwing-rooni looks o^ 
 garden. 
 
 Enter L.\i'\' ('i\V);n', (j;;r/ I^Rn W'k.i.iam Ciii:stki<t.)X, talking. 
 
 LADY GWKN. 
 
 So you have Rot 1>nck from Paris again after leaving mo tn 
 face all your dif^ctilties for you. (Sits ou sofa.) I do wish 
 yon WMuid try tn fiiid s(»nie one to settle down with. That de- 
 testable Lady Jessoji f«»ll(>ws mc everywhere, ihrnsiing he: 
 daughter (»n me. and asking me all sorts oi cinharrassinjc 
 cjuestions: and that h<»rrid little widow with the bronze hair 
 and brazen face ilodges about after me till I t'ecl I could 
 Tnnrdtr her. I am a f>erfeet martyr to your matrimonial pro-*- 
 uects. Can you find no nice girl who will pui up with >'>ur 
 eccentricities; for the sake of your fortune: 
 i.oun wii.i-TANr. 
 
 Plenty, oidy I don'i ask them to. The -acrificc would b^ 
 more than I deserve— or desire. 
 
 f.V;7.s' nil arm of cJuiif. 
 
 T.AHV CVVKN*. 
 
 I really think y«iu might have some con>idemiii»n for mc. 
 ( )ne woidd think you must be <lreadfnlly unattractive if yo'.. 
 cannot find one- girl who can really care i*>v }''>iJ. There mii^. 
 be somr tnw who could <1" it. 
 
 I.okii v.'ii.i.iA^r. 
 
 Xo doubt. l)iu 1 <liall never know lier. 
 
 lAPV (.WF.X. 
 
 There is Blanclie Somcrton. 
 
 I ART) WlLLIANf. 
 
 There is. 
 
 I.ADV r.WEN'. 
 
 N<">w. I rcilly lliink she cares for you. 
 
 I.ORn \VIIJ,IA>[, 
 
 Uul I don't cr.re for her. 
 
 I-AHV GW'FN*. 
 
 \'ou might do worse. 
 
 t.ORD WILLI A.M. 
 
 T might do belter — I hope I shall. 
 
 LAliV GWLX. 
 Have yc^n never meia really nice. (li>intere>ted Kirl: 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 ^'e^. but ^jie was ahvays engaged t<.> ■^on1e one eUe. 
 
 3 
 
On I lie I J ire Sys'cin : 
 
 : ADV r.WKX. (Juiiifs vf mul crosses to LoRfi William.'. 
 I poll my \vi»r<l >. »n arc tun atjgrav ;iliiiji-. 1 must ^ll^l.-•.. 
 W'iliiam. tii;.i yon !4:it c'ii.iia.tj:».<l tn MMiH' ofU' if you moan !•• 
 »Vi..ain uiuliT my rod. My ncrvis will >imply hcUl oiil !'.•» 
 ionjicr nndi r \hv strruii of wnnlintr off <lisijrnin.tr U'maie>. Fo*- 
 T leaven's s.-'cr j^rt chk-!^o<1 to -ouk ont-. ovon if it were onl;. 
 -'or a f<)rtTM«;lu. \\>\\ ncc«l noi marry her, liut for Heaven's 
 sake «1<) somethin.n'. 
 
 lORD WII.I.LWl. 
 
 I will go al»roa<l. 
 
 i.AUV r.WK.x. (sliikini; in cluiir). 
 An«l leave me to .c^n al>oul alone I How selfisli :,:cn arc. 
 
 I(>K!I W M.I.I A.M. 
 
 ^fy dear (iwcn.. I don't wanl l«» .uo abroad. I .:ni not li,- 
 lype of I'.nvjlislnnrui who like.-> hillinv; lliinjif-N ne"] 'Uially, an*': 
 riern.'il yaehthivr f)alls: hut yon a^k imi)ossihilitie>. 
 
 [Rises and i<'i\ll:s :.r aiul il<n<i:. 
 
 I..\I»V (;WKN. 
 
 Not at all. J don't a.sk you to marr\, (j\eii. i only ask you 
 to pjet cnga.i^ed. 
 
 I.oui) WJLI l.\.M. 
 
 That leads to niarriavje. 
 
 i..\i)V (.wi;.\". 
 
 By no means. .\t ihe worst yon ean .say tliore i> dclkiuii. 
 tremens in the family. I am >nre yoji are eeeentrie tnongt. 
 for anythin.ir. just liki- my poor father. Xo one knows liov. 
 ei'ceturie //(• was, and so rude — thank gooflness, vvm arcn r 
 that? 
 
 llntey Sui (ii;oK(;i: >r.Mu-iiM<\\'r. 
 
 Ah. hero is .Sir Clc»)rRe. jn-t in time. W*- \ ore di.^cus^lng 
 William'^ fmnri-. He nmst pcvitivcly get engaged. I uUl 
 worn oin wiiii faeing people who wuv.t .lini a.-; a >'t:i-in-Is\^', 
 (ii as a pro\i-ion for their old age. 
 sn^ t;KoR<,L\ 
 And what docs William say? 
 
 I.\li\ <.wi N. 
 
 Willifim keeps out of thi- way, anil wl!..n things; becom<? 
 serious he lia> urgent business in Paris. .\s ihi> is my <ia:" 
 at home I liavc no doubt y<nt will slion^v see some of 
 William's p-eudo-fiancees arrive to elaim iiim. The seeiicr i 
 go th^du,gh. . . . 
 
 Enter Mi.-.s Dai.nvm ri.i:. 
 4 
 
'A Draz^ing-Roo)]i Play. 
 
 r.Miv r.WKX. (r<niiin<r (in-i^'iird). 
 All. MI>.> DalryiiipK , wliat a nlcaMirc to sec yot: again ! I 
 was just pmi^ to show Sir CJcorgo .Marchniont {both bow) 
 my Indian luriMS. Will you anuisc my l)rc»tlicr for a moment : 
 i fntfiHluiini;) My hrotiicr. l^oicl William Chesterton — nh. 
 y<»u kiHiw William. 1 sec. already, i.lsidi'.) They alway- 
 know Willi mi. [(iius to the left with .Sir Georgia. 
 
 I. OKU wiM.iAM {flight centre). 
 Miss l)alryni])le. hy all that's fortunate I What an age 
 since I have seen y«»u? z 
 
 Mi.ss i».\LRVMi'LK (tni'/ically) . 
 Ah, n(3 one ever meets nie now in society. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Why not? Have you run away with some one else's hus- 
 band ? 
 
 MISS liALkVMI'LK. 
 
 My mother has turned >erious. She does not approve of 
 the world. She ,^a\ > it i> hollow. I^) you find it hollow? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 On the contrary. \ find it full of inconvenient complication-'. 
 
 MISS DALRV.MI'Li:. 
 
 .\h. you are lucky. ( Lorh William draws cliair for Iw. 
 and sits bcsidr her.) )'<>ii can do what you like: you need 
 not sit ai iiome and sew scratch}' shirts tt»r Ilonoluhis. wlu:i 
 you arc dying lo amuse yourself. 
 
 LORD W^LLIA^f. 
 
 No, but T -liould like lo. May I come and sew too? 
 
 MISS UALRYMPLE. 
 
 Wc adir.-t r.o one biu missionaries. 
 
 LORII WILLIAM. 
 
 Would y«")u not admit me? 
 
 MISS D.'.LRVMi'Li:. 
 
 No; you are ot the world, worldl> — and nice. 
 
 LORII WILLIAM. 
 
 Vou must 1)C a cheerful lot. You should marry. 
 
 MISS DAI.RVMI'Li:. 
 
 Marry? Cood i^^racinus! I told you 1 wanleil l<» ;imu-' 
 myself. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 You want t<^ amuse yourself. aii<l y».u don't want to marr; 
 — what do you propose to do? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLF. ( drs/'illr'illi^ly) . 
 
 I can't think; but something murt he done, or 1 ,-hall mnr 
 'dcr a missionary. 
 
 s 
 
On the Hire Syston : 
 
 LORD WJLLIAM 
 
 (:\.'alL'S /.'/' inid doivn ro:r,]i). 
 i.lsitit) 'ihis i^ my rliaiu^-. 1 woncl.r l),,u- slic would i:..-.- 
 ii, {Aloud) Sliould you iliiiik nie vory eccentric if 1 propov.x- 
 you should bcome ciijj:agcd in a /':v7"c'f//y jdaionic way lo nic 
 for a in<»ir.h or uvo? 
 
 MISS nAf.RVMiM.r:. 
 Mow can you l>c so ridiculous? 1 thouglit you were goinv 
 to propose a real soltuion of the dithculty. 
 
 I.OKI) WILLIANf. 
 
 So I ani. (Sti>t>s.) My sister has just iieen coinplainiui: 
 that r am not an engaged man. Vou comiilain that you an 
 not amused. Let us anuise ourselves in si)i!e oi our relation-. 
 We will take each (ttlier on the hirr sysieni for a month o- ' 
 two. Vou will ward off designing tV'male-^j I shall not Ik' 
 troul)leNt)me. I am not in the least domestic. 
 
 MI.SS U.M.UY.Ml'Li:. 
 
 It almost sounds feasible. 
 
 LORD WILLI.XM. 
 
 It sounds (iiiitc feasible. 
 
 MISS H.\I-RYMl*Ln. 
 
 Vou are ^iire you w<iuld not think the worse of mc? 
 
 LORD \VILLI.\M. 
 
 The w<.>r>e? I -should worship you. Vou would be my sal- 
 vation. 
 
 MISS D.XLRVMPLK. 
 
 And you would — you wouldn't — you would take no iiica:^ 
 advantages ? 
 
 LORD \VILLI.\M. 
 
 Never, as I am a mortal man. 
 
 MISS U.VLRVMrLC. 
 
 What fun it would be! I almost think I will. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Think it quiie, not almost. 
 
 MISS D.\LRVMPI^E. 
 
 I-_I_,,I,. what fun! I icill! 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 You swear? \f folds out his hand. 
 
 MISS DALRY.MPLE. 
 
 I swear. \Fi(ts Iwrs hi i:. 
 
 LOUD WILLIAM. 
 
 I may have to kiss you now and then ju>i in the way v: 
 business. 
 
 MISS DALRV.Mi'LE (skippiiii; off choir). 
 Never ! 
 
 6 
 
A Drawing'Rornn Play. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 1 i'ear I mrst, unplcasnnt as it may be to us both. 
 
 ^ITSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Never. How — how — Samuel w^ould not like it. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Who Is Samuel? 
 
 ?.riSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 I have to obey Samuel. 
 
 LOKI) \VrLLiA.\r. 
 
 -Vre 3'ou engaged? Capital,' capital! Vou must >(iuari, 
 Samuel, and tell him you've hired me for two months to take 
 his part. Where is Samuel ? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 In India. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Oh ! then I would not disturb Samucrs peace of mind fur 
 .so short a time. Perhaps it will answ^er all purposes if i 
 sometimes pass my arm round your waist. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Certainly not. 
 
 LORD W'lLLTAM. 
 
 There must be a few endearments to make it seem lifelike!'' 
 I must insist on ibis. I shall of course call you darling: 
 Susan darling, it bounds very well. 
 
 ]MTSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Certainly n<»t. Samuel would not like it. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 I must insist that Sanuiel sliall not be flung in my face 
 every time I make a suggestion. Here is my sister — I nmst 
 tell her. 
 
 [Rc-cnicf Lady Gwen. 
 
 :MISS DALRY^[PLE. 
 
 Xonscnsc. (lie iiisisls.) Oli. vcr}' well tlicn. but I n"iu-t 
 go iivst. V'C suFi' yen explain ])ropcriy. (Ti) Lady (tWex- 
 Doi.TXK. ct)iifi:::r(iiy ) I rovt afraid I must go. Lord William 
 will tell v.. 11. 1 ;in! obli-^xd in — 1<> — to Good-bye. 
 
 I.OKli VvlLLi.^M. 
 
 I siiall coiiU' and see y)\\ clit\vii>l;'.irs (asith'), darling. Susan 
 darling. (Aliss l)Ai.Kv:vi n.i: frtirs !hc door Oj^cii. lixcnui. 
 Loud Wiij.ia.m rclnrns and cUkscs door.) Congratulate me 
 — I am eiig<'i;-4<-'d. 
 
 \..\UY OWEX. 
 
 William, what on earth liave \on and Miss Dalrymple been' 
 about? Designing little creatm-e ! I th(jught you were safe 
 for five minutes, I'm sure. 
 
Oil the Hire System : 
 
 LORD WILUA^r. 
 
 !•'..•- i\v(i nioiUlis from this date ?\h\s Dnlrymple .'ind I ^-.ro 
 i.^ni.>-;i.uc(l. 1 :iiii liai*])}', yon arc Iia[>|)y. slic is happy, wo i,rr. 
 all hai)[)\ . You bade nic l)Ccoinc cng'aLiX'd, I am cnc:c:i^c '. 
 Behold mc! 
 
 LADY GWEX. (asidc). 
 Another of William's scrapes. 
 
 [Exemit. 
 
 Scene U.Samc room as before 
 Enter Lord William. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Susan ! Susan ! ! Susan ! ! ! 
 
 MISS UALRYMPLE (ruiiiilng in). 
 I do wisii you would stop howling Susan all over the house 
 in that sensok--: way. How can you he so stupid? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 It makes our engagement puhlic. It can't be too public to 
 please me. Besides, it makes you look nice when you are 
 jLZonfused. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. ^ 
 
 I am sure any one would look" confused who had to do 
 with a lunatic like you. My dear William, every one must 
 l:now \\c :.:-o etigaged from the grooms upwards and dovrn- 
 wards. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Do you think -o? That's capital — and you called me your 
 dear William. You are learning to 1)e a little familiar, that 
 {^ a great improxemcnt, and will make things much easier 
 iind pleasanter. Here's some one coming. Let me adjust my 
 arms round your waist. 
 
 {. Idi'iiiicrs zi'itli Jiis arm Ik position. 
 
 MTSS DALRVMI'LE (skippillf^ aZVOv) . 
 
 I insist on your going to the other side of tlie room and 
 keeping there. Oh, Heavens, what an awful thing it is to 
 have any one on the hire system? You're a thousand time^ 
 worse than Samuel. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Hang Sann.iel ! 
 
 [Steps behind Iwr. 
 
 MI 5.=; DALT^YMPLE. 
 
 Well, you arc unkind when Samuel is your safeguard and 
 
A Drcnciiig-Rooiii Phiy. 
 
 — and — ;in(I — (k'iK)sii. rccci]){. { Lo.'kin;^ )<:nnd — LoRn Wilijam 
 siiokcs !h'r luiir cffiisk-ciy) . Is ib.'jrc ;uiy one c<»!r.iiu>? fiH- 
 'li there isn't y<.u iiiij^-lil taise your hnnd away. Oh. it's Sir 
 
 tinier Sir Gp.ORfiE Marciimont. 
 
 SrR r.EORCE. 
 
 Oh I I l)Cg- \ our pardon — I was looking for Lady Gweii. 
 
 [Pre [Hires til i;o. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLK. 
 
 No, no: don'i i.{i\ (Runs afft-r him and ca'chcs Iiini hy arm). 
 Williani i-^ g"int4-. 
 
 l.'.»kl) WILLI A Au 
 
 Susan, f insist ihaV }ou lake ytuir liand oft Sir Gcorf-:<.V 
 arm. Rernenilier ytni are engaged to me. not Sir George. 
 
 MKSS ]lALKYMrL)-. 
 
 William, you were going. 
 
 LORD WILLTAM. 
 
 I w;is not. 
 
 MISS D.VLRYMrj.i:. 
 
 VViiliain, you will go? 
 
 LOR!) WILL[A3[. 
 
 I will not. 
 
 ^nSS DALRYMPLi:. 
 
 Then / will, with Sir George. Good-hye. dear. 
 
 [Kisses Jwr hand and exit ■:eitli. Sr.v Givoiv.!-'. 
 Lord William follczes. sh^vtiin^ "^>Hsa>:,. 
 
 jinicr Lady Gwex. and Blaxciic Somerton. 
 
 LADY C.WEX. 
 
 William! 
 
 LOLL) WILLIAM. 
 
 ing with S 
 
 LA1»^• CWEX. 
 
 I nutst insist that you don't rush after Su.-an all day lor.:. 
 Even the very servants sniggle ar the ver.v name of Su.-. '' 
 
 LORD WriJTA?.f. 
 
 Why should I not? If I don't keep my eye on her, she 
 flirts with (jeorge Marehnioni. and turns his head when she 
 ought to ])C turning nn'ne. 
 
 LADY (iW)-X. 
 
 I am sure I don't wonder. She n-ust he thankful to get rid 
 of vou for a feAV minutes. 
 
On tiic Hire S\SlCiii 
 
 LORIt WJDJAM. 
 
 vShc has no l)1!^^inoss to wisli to get rid of mo. 
 
 J.Al)^' CWEX. 
 
 Well, at any rate you oan stay here now ami entertain 
 Blanche while 1 ;<o and look after those wearisome Jessops. 
 i.oKu ^VlLl.IA^[ (aside). 
 Yotrrc never going lo leave \^^c alone with Blanche. 
 
 I.AUN' r.WE.V. 
 
 {aside to Louii \\'\\.^^ \\\). 
 Why not? You are an engaged nsan ; it \^ (|nite safe t') 
 leave von with any one now, thank goodness. 
 
 [lixit. 
 
 M\>^ S(i.MF.!-;rox ( tiw^ically). 
 1 n(Aer tlion.ght when \ ]);!rted from }(in last 1 shonld meet 
 you next as an engaged man. 
 
 \Sils 0)1 sofa. 
 
 l.oRii WlLl.I.VAr. 
 
 Why not? hid yni tliinl-; it imvios-inle for any one to love 
 me ? 
 
 {Sits oil anil of so fit, 
 
 MISS SO:\(Kl<ToX. 
 
 _Oh, no, of course n.ot ; hnl 1 tin night you liaied the thoughi 
 of matrimony. 
 
 i.okit WII.I.fA^[. 
 So I. do: at leas; so 1 <hd till I met Sn-an; ihc's hreaking 
 me in. 
 
 .MISS SOMKRTOX. 
 
 It does seem funny. Do you think yon VniII like l)cing mar- 
 ried ? 
 
 I.ORI* WILl.IA?a. 
 
 I should like anything with Susan. 
 
 MISS SOMKKTOX. 
 
 You have be^^n so often reported engaged- I remember 
 you were once >aid to be engaged t»j me 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Was I? (Recoils.) I must tell Susan she nui>t look after 
 me carefully when I am with you. 
 
 MiSS SOMEKTOX. 
 
 Are you so afrai(i >"on will not keep true? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Not in the least; but one is never safe from dc>igiiing per- 
 sons till one is married, and it is non- Susan's duty to see tli.'A 
 I do not fall into their clutches. 
 
A DiavAiig'Roorn Play. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Surely there arc women who wonhl have suited you better 
 and understood you liettcr? 
 
 unu) wii.ijaa[. 
 No : I don't think so. Susan understands me as few do. ' 
 
 \I1SS SOMEUTON. 
 
 She is fornmate, and very clever. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 You sec she knows what I mean. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Does no other woman do so? { lie proacJif idly.] 
 
 LORD \viLLrA:\r. 
 Well, you see they generally think I mean more than I do. 
 Novv Susan doesn't: she thinks I mean less. 
 
 MISS SOMEKTOX. 
 
 I see. She can't care for you much- — 
 
 LORD WILLLVM. 
 
 On the contrary, she tinds me delightful. I mu>t really go 
 and see what she is up to with George. 
 MLSs so:mertox. 
 
 You don't seem to have much confidence in her. Can yoii 
 not be away from her for live minutes? 
 
 LOiri) WILLIAM. 
 
 Not without getting very nervous. 
 
 Re-enter Susax and Sir George. 
 
 Ah. hc'.-c <H' '■-•. making eyes at George as hard as slic can. 
 I must put ;; stop to that. 
 
 MiSS SOMERTON 
 
 (luyin-- Ihiiid o]i Loun William's ami), 
 
 .\\h\ u:i }■>■(! -;iid she loved you. 
 
 l.OKn WTLLTAM. 
 
 On \\v.- '■- n;r;ii-y. I sai<! <lie understood me. Susan! 
 
 •: !SS l).M.ir\-MPLE. 
 
 Good graeiou:-. I liLi-c'^ William again. Thank goodness! 
 lie has anoviic"- v.Dr.ian with him. Well, William dear, I anl 
 glad to see y-n\ so well em[)loyed. 
 
 Lok!) v,'iLLrA:\i (aside). 
 I am not well en.iployed. Miss Somerton has all but pro- 
 posed to me. You jjroniised to protect me: do you call this 
 protecting me? Yo't show me no attention. \ ou must do 
 something marked or she will snap me up in spite of you. 
 
 TT 
 
On the Hire System : 
 
 MLSS DALRYMPLE 
 
 (suddculv Jtiirls herself into Lord William's arms). 
 Will this do? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Pretty well. Couldn't you say something as well? 
 
 MLSS r.Ai.RYiMi'LE iz'cry loud). 
 I did think I could trust you! 
 
 [Miss Somertox shudders visibly. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Hullo! quick here! ]\Iiss Somerton is fainting. 
 
 [Lord Wiliam hurries bae!.. 
 sik c.KokGi: (eoiniug forzcard). 
 Miss Dalrynii)k-, you said your engageniont to William w ;. 
 simply a comed\? 13o you call this a comedy? 
 
 miss DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Distinctly. 
 
 sir GEORGE. 
 
 Do you mean to t-L'11 me that you don't care for Chcstcri:: 
 when you embrace him before my eyes? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Certainly. I only wanted to make an agreeable divcrs!'::i, 
 I have done it. Go and help ]\Iiss Somerton. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Bhe doesn't want me. She has Chesterton. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 My William ! 
 
 SIR GEORGE (turning an'ay). 
 Damn ! 
 
 rvflSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh. you arc mneli w;»rse ihan William. (Pause.) Jvlis'' 
 Somerton seems better. .My William lias restored her. 
 
 [Lord William comes for-zvard supportiHf;, 
 Miss Somerton on his arm. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Wc arc not vranted. evidently. 
 
 ^[l^^ DALRYMPLE. 
 
 I am Very much wanted I think. I must protect Wiiliau:. 
 
 Slii GEORGE. 
 
 Nonsense, he is perfectly happy. Come back to the Den. 
 
 [Tries to lead her aivay. 
 
 LORD willia:.! (dies after.) ^ 
 Susan. Si^san. I will not be left alone again. 
 
 12 
 
A Drawhig'Raoin Play 
 
 MISS DALRYMTLE. 
 
 You seem to be getting on nicely without me. dear. 
 
 [Moves azihiy. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 jNIiss Dalryniple is coming with mc. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 INIiss Dah-ymple is staying with me. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 ^liss Dalrymple prefers to come with me. 
 
 LORD WILLIAMS!. 
 
 Miss Dah'ymple stays with me when I desire it. Susan, 1 
 desire it. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 I think I should prefer to go with Sir George; we wo;- 
 having such a nice talk. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Oh, were you? Well, you can continue it wiih me. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh, you and I have already discussed tlie subjects. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Which subjects? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Love and marriage, dear. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM 
 
 (glar{u<^ at Sir George). 
 May I ask. sir, what business you have to discuss such sul: 
 Jects with my wife? 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 She is not your wife. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 She is going to be. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 May I ask, sir, if that is the case, why I fmd you squeezinss' 
 the hand of another lady? 
 
 LORD WfLLL\>f. 
 
 That was Aiiss Dalrymple's fault: she went avv;:y and 
 flirted with you when she should ha\ e been looking aftc inc. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Miss Dalrymple is incapable of Ih'rting. 
 
 LORD willlvm: (biirsliiii^ out UtU'^iung). 
 Bless my soul I this is anotlier of .Susan's adirJrers. 
 (Aside) And how about vSamucl, my nice young .ady? 
 
 13 
 
0)1 the Hire System : 
 
 (jllond) ]^,liss Dalryniplo onoht to be inc.'ipal)le of flirlint^, 
 for she is cn^i>asicd to mv. Toll Sir (jcorg,c yoii don't care for 
 any one's attentions Intt mine, my love. 
 
 :,nss DALRYMPLE. 
 
 J (lor.'t want the attentions of cither of you. 3*Iiss Somerto:i 
 and 1 are going to have a chat. 
 
 [Goes across ihc room, zvhcrc 'Miss Somek- 
 Tox is arruiigiiig floz^'crs. 
 
 MI.SS SOMERTON. 
 
 Hadn't you better go with Sir George? He seems to war: 
 it so mucii. 
 
 ]\IISS D.\LRYMPLE, 
 
 And leave William with you? I couldn't trust hhii. 
 
 MLSS SOMERTON. 
 
 Surely you cannot have much confidence in him. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh, it is not he of whom I am afraid. 
 
 ^[ISS SOMERTOX. 
 
 Perhaps you had better let vSir George take him away, then 
 there will be no danger of any mischief happening to any onv. 
 
 MISS DALRYMiI.E. 
 
 What a good idea! (Calls) William, neither 3-ou nor Sir 
 George are wanted. You can go. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 I am all obedience, my darling. Come, George, tlie ladies 
 don't want us. (Moz'cs to exit.) After you. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Pray go on. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM, 
 
 I couldn't precede my guest. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. ,' 
 
 T s]i(^uuln't like to leave you here. * 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 I •r.i:,-l bi;! good-bye to Susan. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 I e ;.n !:-.'-d!y go in so miceremonious a manner. 
 ;'ii:-.s i.'.\LKV.ML'LE (stamping her foot). 
 
 Siurjlng Lord William out. Exeunt Sir 
 George and Lord WiLLiAjNt. ]\Iiss Somer- 
 TON zijalks across room to Miss Dalrvm- 
 
 PLE. 
 
 14 
 
A Drawing-Room Play. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 Lord William docs not seem inclined to leave Sir George 
 l)ehind. does he? Surely your engafjement was very unex- 
 pected. I heard nothing of it before I came here. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Well, perhaps it did seem unexpected to those who did not 
 know us very well. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 But is it true? 
 
 :MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 I cannot deny it. 
 
 MiSS SOMERTON. 
 
 Have you known him long, may I ask? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 About six months. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Six months ! / have known him for years. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Then you are in a position to tell me candidly what you 
 think of him as a husband. 
 
 MISS S0:^IERT0N. 
 
 I — I — it can hardly matter what I think of him in that 
 capacity. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 One likes to hear what one can pick up of one's future hus- 
 band, you see. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 I should hardly be bold enough to recommend him as a 
 husband to you. I confess I cannot comprehend either of 
 you. Your engagement seems so little serious. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 So little serious. Ah ! how little you know us both. 
 
 MISS .SOMERTOX, 
 
 Lord William has a heart beneath all his nonsense, but it 
 <loes not seem to me you care to touch it. Do you knov/ 
 (rises and z^'rin^^s Iter hands, zcalkui!^ itj) and dozy.ui room) — 
 do you know anything of him really? Do you know him as 1 
 know him — I who have known him and cared for him for 
 years — I who know him as no one else 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Good Heavens! What have I done. Miss Somerton? Do 
 you really care for Lord William? Does he care for you? 
 
 15 
 
On llic Hire System : 
 
 MISS soMERTON (a^^ifatcd) . 
 What can it matter? Yon are to be his wife; surely it is 
 cruel to ask. It matters nothing to 3'ou whose heart you 
 break to become so. 
 
 MIi-S DALRY.MPLr. 
 
 That is unfair. I never for a moment supposed you^carcd 
 (aside), and I am dreadfully afraid William doesn't care a 
 scrap for her. (Aloud) You seemed to care so much for 
 society, and lie doesn't, \-ou know. Do yon really think- you 
 have so much in common? 
 
 •N[ISii SOMERTOX. 
 
 Apparently not. since he cares for you. 
 
 MI3S D.VLRYMrLE. 
 
 Oh, he d(K'sn"t care for me. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Not care for you? But you are engaged. 
 
 MISS DALRYMTLE. 
 
 V^cs — at i)re^ent. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Don't yon care for him? 
 
 MISS DALRVMPr.h: {starts up). 
 We are divine;- too deeply into the n.iysteries of my engage- 
 ment. 
 
 MISS SOMERTOX. 
 
 If you don't love him, and he does not care for you, docs 
 
 it ever occur to you that yon may 1>e 
 
 [Buries licr head and sobs. 
 
 MISS dalry:\fi'li-: (rushing at her). 
 
 ^liss Somerton ! Good gracious! how awful! What can 
 
 I do with her? Come away, come away, here's some one 
 
 coming. [Draiss hrr out of room. 
 
 [inter Miss Dalrymple aiid Sir (teorge Marciimont by' 
 French iciiidon'-. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 Well, I think you are rather hard on me, Miss Dalrymple. 
 You tell me you' are not going to marry Chesterton, and yet 
 that you cannot tuarry any one else till your engagement with, 
 him is at a:i end. I confess I do n')t understand the arrange- 
 ment with I"iin:i very clearly. 
 
 miss dalrymple. 
 No, it is confusing. But if you like to ask Lord W^illiani 
 'to explain it, he has my permission, 
 
 [>S"t\ii6' herself on sofa-. 
 
.1 Di'aT,'i!i^<;-R()0]ii Play. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 A[ay 1 ask him? [Scats hiiiisclf on arm behind, 
 
 AriSS DALRVMPI.E. 
 
 Certainly; b'.n I don't think he is in the least likely to tell 
 you. 
 
 ."^IR CEORGI-:. 
 
 I shall ]iin him clo\vn sctnichow. 
 
 [Lord William's voice behind. 
 
 LORD \vtlll\:m. 
 Susan ! Susan ! I 
 
 SIR (;eor(;e. 
 There he is. 
 
 lintcr Lord William. 
 
 :\I1SS WALRVMl'LE. 
 
 Oil yes. wherever T. am my eharming lover is sure to be 
 somewhere uiar. Iku erini;- over me. 
 
 I.OKlt \\ fLLIAM. 
 
 I have had such a. luini for yoiL You arc quite forgetting 
 \t»tir du.iic^ lo me. 
 
 .MLSS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 -My dear WiltiauL mayn't I have ten minutes for myself 
 sijmetimes? 
 
 LORD WfLLlA^r. 
 
 ^'i>u aro nut havinj^- \vu minutes Uw yourself, ]\larchmont 
 is having theuL 1'liat is what 1 object to, ^'ou are always 
 giving minutes in him. Come now, George, clear out, ]\Iiss 
 .l)a]r\-m])le is sick of you. 
 
 AflSS DATin'MPLE. 
 
 ()\\ w.K net a hit. Sir ( ieorge was just asking some par- 
 tloular> of i.^'M- engr'^-emrnt, and I said you would furnish 
 
 th:CnL 
 
 LOI'li WTLLTA^r, 
 
 Oh. you did? Will. T >hall tmL (Ieorge is of a prying 
 
 iialrire. lie is a dral io<i inijuisiti\ e. Why does he^vvant to 
 
 know? T r\j.(cl h(" has liecn trying to tamper with your 
 
 aiL'oiio;)^. 
 
 >ilSS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 Well. \o-,i wouldn't nn'nd, would you? 
 
 LORD \VILLL\M. 
 
 Not mi'.pl? Of coi^rse I mind. I want you to come to the 
 smoking r<-.om ru>d look at sonic diamond things that have 
 come from towi:. 
 
 n 
 
()// the Hire Sysicui : 
 
 MISS liALRV-Ml'I.E. 
 
 I (lon'l know aTiyliiir.g aix^nl diamonds. W'liy do you wain 
 vac to see them ? 
 
 l.oiiD WILLIAM. 
 
 They're for y«)ii. An engagement is noihing without (ha- 
 monds. 
 
 [AJ.iss i)A!,Rv:\n'LE rises. Sjr George sauutcrs 
 out of I'rcncJi iciinlo'^'. 
 
 .MISS UALRY.MrLE. 
 
 Or co'irsi' r ean't take diamonds from you. i can't take 
 anything l)ni that ama/ing ring, which i shall return on my 
 retirement from my duties. 
 
 l.ORn WJLLTAAt. 
 
 Xot take tiiem? Of course you nmst take tliem ; even a 
 ravage hangs hi< squaw over with glass heads. Yon nnist 
 liave glass head^ : nn engagement is husiness-likc without. 
 
 AilSS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 vSo nmch the Iteller, for I want to say t^iat th.is stufiid 
 husiness nnist come n> an end. 
 
 LORD ^vn.LTA^r. 
 Come to an end? It lias just liegun. It is doing beautifully, 
 it is the l)est thirig I have <lone for year-. 
 
 ^rjSS IIALRVMPLE. 
 
 Well, it nn.'St come to an end. 
 
 EOKi) \viLLL\M ((i/;.cjr//y'). 
 This is George's doing: hut you won't iind him so accom- 
 modating as I am. He won't go shares with SamueJ. 
 
 MFSS DALRYMTLE. 
 
 Oh. l)other Samuel ! 
 
 LOUD WILLIAM. 
 
 That's what I said, and you snapped my head g!t. Well, 
 George and Sann.iel won't wt)ri<: together :is vSamuel and I 
 have worked, (ieorgc is a jealous chap. I'm not a bit jealous, 
 or I couldn't have stood Samuel. 
 
 VriSS l>ALRVMin.E. 
 
 You have nothing to he jealous of. 
 
 L<.);ii Vv"iLL[.\M. 
 
 iwdiks up and (iou'u mlhrr cWiilrdly) . 
 I mighv he jerd<nv- ni r;er)rge. hut I'm vn't. But I oy.nn\:iy,<'] 
 you nt)t tt^ dance tnm-e tlian twice ihi^ e\'ening witli rior>r^\ . 
 I will not have fal^e hopes eTic<>ur;iged in (jeorc;e 
 
 1 8 
 
. I Dniwiii^^-Ruoiii Flay. 
 
 -Miss KAi.RV.Mp] ;.; 
 (hiyi.ii-^ Jicr liand on Loku William''s arm). 
 
 I ^vlsh >ou to inKlcrslaml that this in.s.'uie arranffcmeni 
 must come to an cud. T lia\c no business to pretend I am 
 engaged to you. Ji !> making o^hrv peo{>k needlessly un- 
 happy. 
 
 LUKi! \\-JLLi vM. 
 
 II is making ii;e <]uiic happy and cnifoilabk'. 
 
 :-riss 1)at.rvm{mj:. 
 Perhaps; bin w .; must consider the feeb'ngs of others. 
 
 j-oRi) wuAJsy.. ((juickiy). 
 \\hosc? lre(>rgc's? 
 
 ^11;;:; ^ALr;Y^[i'l.K. (oui^yUy. siariiu:: away from /lim). 
 P.vcry one's. 
 
 1 ORi» WiM,! \Al. 
 
 ^'nn^ moan Gr..r!:>c':A i ioorgr is!."; n bii Mihcd i-s y.>ii. Ti^. 
 has a beasiiy u-mprr. i wU] n^t give yon np In make (-cdr^ro 
 happ}'. 
 
 MfSS l>Ai.kVMl"j.E. {^.■■jH'iry Hi: ,>,;^l ^|,,.^.:, ,;;; ,.;-//v ) . 
 
 I was not i!^inki-(g of Sir (u-<.rg.'. 
 
 !.01.:i! Wtl.l ! \ M. 
 
 Oh. yon ncL.| not think of Sannnl. He seems accom- 
 modating enough. 
 
 MISS \}.\\ K\^i i'l K. 
 
 I was not: thinking of Sami-ek 
 
 ! OKI I wn.i! \M. 
 T k'ncw il. (icorgc h;is i»ecn wormiiig h.imselt in behiiid 
 iny back. (7.ri?;//;;g /;■/ hark lU sofa ^ma hriuyin^ /;/.c //,/■;;/ 
 ilozini argrtly on it.) J wiil nov have ( ie^rgo' f-.r mv rivak 
 lie is my best friend, and L know lie vvc^uld make a/itea^tlv' 
 husband. You wiii b^ good eiiongh m av^id ( ieorgc in 
 future. He is nol :i incc friend f<>r ymi. 
 
 A;'r-s dau^va; i'j.i:. 
 ^^cli, I liave warned you our arrangcmenL comes to an 
 end to-night. I will kec)) it up vi]! to-nvu-row mornine- anrl 
 I shall leave then. ' ■ 
 
 .To viiit Cco>-r'^ relaiion-. n^ dMub;. 
 
 ll'itii-usly slria'cs <7rr.^«:.^• fiir y. ..■}}< 
 and yalchrs I'rr hy fhr <■:■;'!, 
 
 :-Li~:-> 1'ALKiMrj.i;. (coldiy^. 
 To vi-!i any oih: I T)!ea-e. 
 
 19 
 
On ilic Hire System : 
 
 ].()i-ll) WII.I.IAM 
 
 Halxcs Jut Ihuu! and drain's Iicr lo ccnlrr of rnom). 
 You sliall VA'i. V'lU shall l)oconic engaged in all scriousiu --: 
 to mc. 
 
 ^r;s.~, d.m.rv.mj'ij:. ( ^Ii i'U!^^i:i^ her siiouldcrs) . 
 Oh dear no. yon arc tiiiharrassing enough now, hnL } > ■. 
 would he appalliricr llu-n; hcsidcs, \-ou forget there is Sanir.-.'. 
 
 l.i'KI) W1[.1,1AM. 
 
 Damn Samuel ! 
 
 iMiss i).\),uv:\irLK. {tearing her hand away). 
 Thank you very much. I am g'.'ing. 
 
 L(»ki) wrrLiAM. 
 Oh, go! Go to George I (Stiiiiil\^.) And what ahout tlie 
 glass beads. 
 
 :\iIS.s DALRN'Ml'LK. 
 
 You can gix'c them vo me when I marry George . . . (going 
 out and looking oz-er sJiouhfer) or Sanuiel ! [Exit. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 (Soliloquy. Strolling across the room and sitting on bad: 
 of sofa). 
 After all. getting engaged isn't so nice as I expected. I am 
 falling damnably in love with little Susan, and 1 am on the 
 verge of cjuarrelling with my best friend. Che relic:: hi. 
 fcunnc! It's always the woman. If Susan hadn't suggested 
 that she wanted to get away from home. . . . but of course 1 
 have to take all the rislcs. Poor little Su.san. Yes, I an' 
 really in lo\e with Susan. She's a shocking little llirt, but 
 she suits me, Susan docs, and she doesn't care a twopenny 
 rushlight for me. . . . lieartless little wretch. And then 
 there's Samuel. I ^von(U•r how she means to square .Sanmei 
 after this. I don't care — I don't uant her to square Sanmei. 
 I want her to marry me. (Rising and ':valking abont. head 
 doTcn and iiaiids in his p"ehets.) I am a much better matcl; 
 for her tlian Sanviel. Samuel wouldn't make her a good 
 husband. Samuel ha-< an Indian live)-. He pegs. Samuel 
 orders her about a< if .-lie was a nigger. I won't have my 
 little Susan treated like a nigger. (E.veitedly.) No, she's 
 Samuel's little Su-an. Hang Samuel! He's a bilious beast. 
 He's as yelidu- ;•,> an (irange. Susan shall not marry 
 Samuel, it wi.uld l>e profanitv. My little Susan — my own 
 nice little, dear little Susan. I must cro ^nd l^^ok for Susnn. 
 
A DrQivinU'Room Pla\\ 
 
 Scene III. — Same room. 
 
 Enter Lady Gwendolen. Miss Somerton. and Miss Dal* 
 RYMPLE in full n'riiini!: dress. Mrss Dalrymple carries 
 (ror<reons slnKeer bouqicei. Lady (Gwendolen and Miss 
 ])aerymple cross room io^efher. 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 I am afraid yon will find William's eccentricities rather 
 difficult to endure. Susan, but perhaps you are sufficiently 
 modern to prefer excitement to happiness. 
 
 MISS DALRYAtt'LE. 
 
 At all events. I do n(^t exnect our home life to be dull. 
 Dear \A'illiam is full of deligluful sur[)rises. 
 l.AJ'N' (A.\"i:x. 
 
 His latest surprise i-^ that he is jccdous. (Laughs.) Wil- 
 liam jeah>iis? It is loo fumiy. but it is very good for him. 
 You should keep it up. It may l)e tlie saving of him: he 
 is far too nmch accustomed to have everything he wants. 
 Every one has drooped into his mouth hitherto, hax'cn't 
 they, Blanche? 
 
 AfTSS soMKRTox. {j-ouu'iig froiii iireplace). 
 
 How should I know, dear? I never had anything to do 
 with Lord William's mouth. 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 No. [Smiles meaningly, 
 
 IMISS SOMERTOX. 
 
 Nor do I know how much he can swallow. 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 He has swallowed Susan, for which Heaven be thanked. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Thank you very much, dear lady Gwcn. 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 Oh. you don't know how frightened I have been. At one 
 time 1 was even afraid he would marry a New Woman. 
 
 MLSS DALRVMI'I.E. 
 
 Oh. he wmildn't have a chance with a Nevr Woman — he is 
 not depraved cninigh. He would have no interest for her. 
 
 MLSS SOMERTON. 
 
 Don't yoi; approve of New Women? 
 
 :\JISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Yes, as I approve of north winds and carbolic acid; I think 
 they serve the same Dv.rpose and are equally disagreeable. 
 
 21 
 
On the Hire System : 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 What a heavenly bouquet, dear! William has distinguished 
 himself. 
 
 AtlSS DALRWAIPLE. 
 
 Oh, this is not his — Sir George gave it nic. 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 Did William forget? 
 
 IvIISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 No ; but I liked this one the best. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Lord William will be ver,v angry. 
 
 ?.riSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Well, he will h.avc to recover himself. 
 
 ^[ISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Arc you not afraid of his being angry? 
 
 ^fTSS DAT^KYMI'LE. 
 
 Not a bit. 
 
 MJSS SOMEkTOX. 
 
 I think you like to wound him. 
 
 iT[SS DALRVAtPLE. 
 
 I delight in it, don't you? 
 
 l(/('i\s- across room and adiuircs licrsclf in glass-. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. (follozcing). 
 
 No, I should not like to give him a minute's uneasiness. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh, shouldn't you? I give him hours. 
 
 ^[ISS SOMERTON. 
 
 I should not like to make any one I loved unhappy. 
 
 A,irSS DALRV-Afl'LE. 
 
 Oh, but r don't love him— at least I love him too nuich to 
 spoil his cliaracter by pampering his weaknesses. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 He has none. [Tragically a)id enthusiastically. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE {lutrsts Old htUghillg). 
 
 Ha — lia — ha — lia 1 Xo weak points, ha — ha — ha ! Why, 
 he's all weak points together, that is why he amuses me so, 
 
 [Sits doii'n on sofa. 
 
 :vIISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Amuses you? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Yes, immensely. Doesn't Willam amuse you? 
 
 22 
 
^A Drawing-Room Play. 
 
 MISS SOMERTOX. 
 
 Never. 
 
 :y[iss DALRv:MPLii:. 
 Perhaps you find it difficult to feel amused. Oh. here they 
 .come. [Jiiuifs up. 
 
 Lord \Villia:m: and Sir George enter. 
 
 :\nsp DALRv:\rrLK. 
 Xfr\v you will see (Uic <~tf dear \\'illiaiT!*< weak spots. (Goes 
 (juiekly aeross the nn'ui io Sir (iEOKc.i-:. ) Oh. dear Sir George. 
 Avhat a lovely b<.n(|nei you have sent nie ! I never saw any- 
 thing lovelier. [Sniifs it appreciatingly. 
 
 SIR CEORCE (■leitii pleased smile). 
 I am honoured by your aeeepting it. 
 
 [Goes aeross to ]\iiss Somertox and sits beside her. 
 
 LORD williajM (aiigrilv). 
 Is that George's bouquet? 
 
 miss dalrymple. 
 Yes, dearest. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Did you not receive mine? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Yes, dearest. 
 
 LORD willia:m. 
 Why arc you not wearing it? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Because I liked h.is best, dear Willianu 
 
 LORD willia:m. 
 Would you be good enough to send for mine? 
 
 :\fTsS DALRYMPLE. 
 win-, dearest? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Because }ou are engaged to me, not to Sir George. 
 
 ^nss DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh, T d(»n"i tliiulv our very slight engagement counts in 
 Micli mailer-, and this is such a lovely bouquet. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 So was mine I hope. 
 
 MTS.-S DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Hum — moderately. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 [ 'At any rate I wish you to wear it ; will you send for it ? 
 
Oil the Hire SysIcNi : 
 
 MISS DALRYMPI.E. 
 
 No, dearest. 
 
 LORD WILLIAAI. 
 
 Then I shall. [Cro.y^"r.y room mid rings. 
 
 MISS dalry:mpli:. 
 By all means, my love. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM (rrlnniiiig fi) her side). 
 I am determined }'ou shall wear my l)on(inct to-night; not 
 Marchmont's. 
 
 ^riSS DALRYMrLK. 
 
 Dearest, tl.is is a free country. Have yon ever heard of 
 the [Magna Charta? 
 
 Enter Footman. T.ord William signs to him. 
 
 LORD WILLIAaI. 
 
 (Footman crosses room). 
 Tell Miss Dalrymple's maid to give you the bouquet I sent 
 for her. 
 
 FOOTMAX. 
 
 Yes. my lord. [Exit. 
 
 ,MISS dalrymple. 
 You are quite determined, dearest. 
 
 LORD WILLIA:Nr. 
 
 Quite. 
 
 .MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 No compromise? {Sdence, 
 
 Re-enter Footman i^^itii bouquet exactly matching in ilo'K'crs 
 jMiss Dalrymple's dress. 
 
 MISS dalrymple. 
 Take it, with Lord William's compliments, to Miss Som- 
 erton. 
 
 EOOT.MAX. 
 
 Yes. miss. 
 
 LORD VvJLL[AM. 
 
 Stop. (GraslK<: her hand and takes Sir George's bouquet, 
 dropping it on floor. Talces his oicn from Footman and 
 thrusts' it into .Miss Dalrymple's hand). You sinill we;u- 
 iPiine. 
 
 24 
 
\1 Dni:<'iiif!;'Rnn]}! Play. 
 
 MISS DALRY-MPLE. 
 
 How daro 3-ou ? (Stands liuaiiii^ at Itiin. ilicii crosses ti\ 
 
 Miss Somerton). ^liss Smnertoii, it seems tlic lK>iif|nel Lord 
 
 William intended for yoii came to me by — mistake. 1 am 
 
 so sorry. [Hands it t<> ?^liss Somerton. 
 
 Miss soMEKTOX ichishiuf!; it). 
 
 How lovely! Oh. how niTioh too good of you. Lord 
 William! {.hide) I was sitre he liked me besi really. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE {crossiii'j; rooiii a^aiii and foinfing to thc 
 iJoor). 
 My boiujuct. please. 
 
 LORD WII.LIAAl. 
 
 If you wear it I will break every bone in Marchmont's body. 
 
 ?m'!SS DAI.RY.\n'I.E. 
 
 Pooh! Don't be stupid. 
 
 LORD Wll.MAM. 
 
 And I will make you repent it to the last day of your life. 
 
 :\nSS DALRV^ri'LE. 
 
 How alarming! We are gtjing in t<j dinner now. 
 
 LORD WiLl.IAM. 
 
 You will ilnd you cann(«t play fast and loose with two men 
 at the same lime. 
 
 MISS nALRY.\[I'LE. 
 
 Three, dear: you forget Samuel. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM!. 
 
 Dozens prol)ably. You forget yourself and inr.- 
 
 ^rlSS I»AI.UV.MPLE. 
 
 Oh, William, dear, how naughty you mak'e me I ( (Jii^i^Irs. ) 
 1 am waiting for my bou(|uet. and .Miss Sumerton is waiting 
 to be taken to dinner. 
 
 l.OK!) WIEI.I.VM. 
 
 You shall be sorrv for it, madam. 
 
 \Stalks off to Miss SoMEKTox. Miss Dal- 
 RYMPLE l^icks nl^ bouquet and leallcs oil'. 
 Sir George follo-ics witli Lady Gwen. 
 
 Rc-cnicr Sir George and Lorij \A'il.liam. talkiui^ as they enter. 
 
 EORU V\JLIJAM. 
 
 I should esteem it a favour, Gcin'ge, if you w<.)uld n(M m.-ike 
 love to Miss Dalrymple when she is to be niy wife. 
 
 SIR (,E()R(,K. 
 
 She will not be your wife; .-,he told mo so herself. 
 
On ihc Hire Sysiciii : 
 
 ].OI<n WTIJ.IAM. 
 
 Oh. she did, did she? AV'ell. yon imi>t have niisiakcn her 
 .meaning, for she is engaged to me, 
 
 .^ir>t GRORGK. 
 
 I do nC't helieve it. 
 
 L0K11 ^v^.Lr.\^r. 
 Oh, 1 lie, do I? 
 
 SIR GF.ORGK. 
 
 I think it quite possi])le. 
 
 LORD WILLIAT^l. 
 
 We will arrange that part of it presently: nieanlinio > •'.: 
 would believe the lady's word, I suppose. 
 
 SIR GEORG)'.. 
 
 I would believe IMiss Dalrymple in everything. 
 
 LORD WILLLV.M. 
 
 You would, — she is fortunate. 
 
 SIR GEORGE. 
 
 I would. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Then I shall convinee you easily. Be good enough t. > 
 remain here while I feteh "Miss Dalrymple. 
 
 [LcoTcs the ronin. Sir George gors up /■ 
 mirror and arranges lu's nionslasdir. 
 
 Rc-cnfcr ]\Ii.^.s Dalrvmrle and Lord Willta:m. aTifs 1"^.'.- 
 RVMi'LE crosses room lo Sir George. 
 
 :\IISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Lord William said you wanted me. 
 
 sir GEORGE. 
 
 It v»as Li-rd Wiiiiam'^ \\ ish entirely. I beg >-<tn \vili '.Jv/iiew 
 tliat J. was not guilty of the inipertinonec of .venciing {■■■>" yon. 
 Miss DalrympU'. 
 
 L<iUM WILLI \.\r. 
 
 No; but he v.-lll prvifiv b^' your accidental prese:ice. Sir 
 George seems to be k)])Ouring under a mi>rinder?,:::nding. 
 which I must a-^!-: you U^ remove for hiuL 
 
 >'l-^S D.\LR^■:^^PLE. 
 
 Certainly. [Looks frt)in one lo :■' ■; other. 
 
 LOUD WIf.LIA:M. 
 
 I am sorry to Iiave v.o allude to perfectly privai'^ -liailers. 
 but Sir George insists. Did 3'ou not agree, [ibou: -':r v.ecl;- 
 ago, may T a-k, to become engaged to me? 
 
 ^26 
 
./ Draiciii^i^-Rooin Play. 
 
 Yes. 
 
 :v[[S.S D.VLRVMPLi:. 
 
 i.ORl) \\'ILLIAM. 
 
 Did yun noi swear, avIkh I propost-d ilial you should be- 
 come eiiiiagcd to me. that all otlier claims .-hotild be d;-- 
 rcgarded but mine? 
 
 .\;fSS UALRV.MPLK. 
 
 Yes, but [.li^ihitrd!:. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Stay. {Holds up luaui.) Was not our engagement ma')- 
 independent of your affections and for our nnnual interest--: 
 
 MLSS DALRYMPLK. 
 
 You are putting it unfairly. 
 
 LORD \VILLTA^f. 
 
 I am putting it truthfully. Was it not exactly as I hav' 
 said? 
 
 :.(ISS DALRYMPLK. 
 
 Yes, but you forget 
 
 LORD WILLLWr. 
 
 I forget nothing. It is 30U who have frtrgotten. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLL. 
 
 You have forgotten to say that I never promised to marry 
 you. 
 
 LrjRD WILLLXM. 
 
 Sir George Avill believe that or not as lie pleases. At 
 engagement, an oath, even a lady's is not lightly taken abou 
 a small matter, he will understand. (7-> Sir Gkorck) Ar- 
 you satisfied? 
 
 siK (;f.or(;!:. 
 
 Less th.an ever^ 
 
 L(»R1) WILLIAM!. 
 
 You believe we ;irc bi)th lying, then? In .Mis> Dalrymplc- 
 namo ar.cl iiiy owr. 1 thank you. 
 
 SIR GLORt.K. 
 
 I belie\e you have man.'uuvred Mi-s na]ry:n[)ic into <(.r.-v 
 devilish arrangement to suit ycmr own sclhshness, whieii si;c 
 cannot get out of without l)reaking some stupid sort of oa ji 
 that you have dodged her into. 
 
 1. <-!<!• WII.I.L\M. 
 
 You belie\ e we are Ix'tli lying? ^'«'U dare ic, .■-ay tc '..k- 
 th.at Miss Dalryniijie. mv aihianced wife, is lying? \ • >n 
 t>bstinate devil ! 
 
 [.S7>;7/;_-.s- ,// liiiii. M\<> I).\LRv:\[ !'!.;•: j/r/'.s- /• 
 hci-:.'cr}i ami st!\'ti.-l:rs i>iit her arms . > 
 Loi:i) ^\'^,LI \.N[. 
 
 27 
 
On ilic Hire Sysicm 
 
 Ai iss ;tAl.Rv^ll'I.l■:. 
 Dh. W'ilii.-mi. VN'illiam, {or hcivoirs sake inr my sakcl 
 
 [■*^f^'!^:-.'i^''^'< ''!!(' fells inlo Ins anas. Sii< 
 (iEouci-: s/v!n:j,s foruard. Lok'k Wii.LiA>r 
 wares liini away, and carries licr across 
 the ri>(>n!. 
 
 LORD Wil.l.TAM. 
 
 Stand back. sir. Xo cue tonclK-s Mi<s jyai;-\-in]>Ic 1)iU 
 mvscir. 
 
 vScEXK ]y. — Same ronm. 
 
 lliitcr Ladv Gwkx. (/;/'/ Louit Wiii.iam. 
 
 J.A!)V G\vi:x. 
 ^'es, I liiink tho ball was a great stiecess. livery t)ne must 
 have thouglit ymi a lucky man. iov 1 never saw anything 
 loveHer than Susan. (Generally she has too little colour, but 
 last night she had the loveliest colour 1 ever saw. 
 
 LORD WIIJ.IAN!. 
 
 She migliL well ])lush. She was making (George's head go 
 round and round witli vanity by making love to him openly. 
 
 \..\V>\ CWEX. 
 
 I hope not. I thought her enchanting, and in such spirits. 
 I am glad I thought of having the dance, she seemed to enjoy 
 it so much. 
 
 LORD W[LLI.\.M. 
 
 I have no d'J'^^l't she did. vSo did George. / didn't. It was 
 beastly stell'lsli of George. 
 
 T,AI)V (iWKX. 
 
 It is perfectly delightful to see yoti in earnest at last. 
 (Lauglis.) Jealous! You jealous! Well. Billy, ue nuist 
 allow that you have conscientiously earned your turn of it. 
 
 LORD WILLl.VM. 
 
 What l)ecame of George? I never saw him after supper. 
 
 LADY GVVEX. (sif fillip doWll). 
 
 Oh. George isn't a dancing man. I suppose he retired to the 
 smoking-roouL I am afraid Susan nmst be very tired — I have 
 seen nothing of her this morning. (Enter Footman.) Ask 
 Miss Dalrymple's maid whether Miss Dalrymple is rested, 
 iand whether she will be down at lunch time. 
 F'jirr.MAX. 
 
 Afis? Dalrymple and her maid left this morning, my lady. 
 
A Dniwiiig-Rooiii Play 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 Left this morning? Nonsense. Ask Sir George March- 
 niont 
 
 FOOTMAN. 
 
 Sir George left last night, my lady. 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 Last night? Impossible! William, did you know that 
 Susan and Sir George had left. [Exit Footman. 
 
 LORD WILLTA^E 
 
 (stainis still as if sfruik.) 
 Left? Susan and Sir Creorge? 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 Yes, so it seeuLs. Did you know ? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM {(iully). 
 
 I know nothing. I wasn't likely to know, was L if Susan 
 and Aiarchmont were going away together ? 
 
 LADY GWEN. 
 
 What are you thinking of? Sir George left last night it 
 seems. Did you know he was going? 
 
 LORD WILLTA:.r. 
 
 Am I Sir George's keeper? 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 lie must have Ijeen ill or something. I thought he did not 
 look well when we left the dining-room. Did 3'on Jiotice 
 anything the matter? 
 
 LORD WILLLVM* 
 
 I? Oh, no — nothing. 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 He did not seem ill. 
 
 LORD W1LLL\M. 
 
 He seeined iiiiusiinUy robust and lively. 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 I must go and see about it all. Susan must liave left a 
 message; perhaps her mother vvas ill. [Exit. 
 
 LORD WILLLVM. {I'illffS hcll JlOSfHy) . 
 
 Susan gone — and George. I should like to know what this 
 means. (Rc-ciUcr Footman.) i^id ]\liss l")a1rymi)Ie leave no 
 message for me, John? 
 
 FOOT MAX. 
 
 A letter, my lord. 
 
 LORD WILLlAxM. 
 
 Confound you, then, v/hy don't you gi\e it me, you fool. 
 
 FOOTMAN. 
 
 I put it on yotir study talkie, m}' lord. 
 29 
 
On the Hire Svsie]}i : 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 •Then l)c good enough to fetch it. f7^-«''/ Footm.-v.. 
 
 LOKD WILLIAM! (l^'ClJking 7tp iliu! (!o7i'li). 
 
 So she has so much consideration, ih.c little ilirt. I wont'v 
 .what sIk' h;is to s.'ty lor herself. {Rr-cit!rr \"h>t\\\x T'//.'. 
 letter i'l- saJi'cr). TlKink 3-«n!. yon can ,!,':o. ."^u.vtn's in-t 
 letter to her ^^'iIlirun. I ))c\cr saw liitk- Sn.san's ii.-ind hefo"^ . 
 She writes a nice hand, like hersef, the little \\rv.ic'n. (Kiss;.: 
 the letter ami (^f^ens if. sits and reads:) — 
 
 "After your rudeness before dinner la-t night and yoir* 
 catechisni afterwards for ISir George's beneiit. yon can hardly 
 expect that 1 should keep up any more tictions for tlie pro- 
 tection of yourself or your fortune. I return home to-da} . 
 If we should ever meet again in societ}-, which I hope wc 
 ne%er may, we meet as strangers, 
 
 "SUF-AS D.\LRVMPJ.F.' ' 
 
 No, we don't, Susan — we can'i — -we shan't. I couldr'.'t tio 
 it, little woman, "^'ou shall make me crawl up and down 
 London on all-tViur-^ if vou like, but speak to me you sha':, 
 and love me you must. I swear it, Susari — and my oath is as 
 good as yours any day. I will not be put aside. (Stands u!^ 
 and gases at the letter.) 1 swear / m'/jj. not give you up. 
 
 SeKXE V. — Saine room. 
 
 L.VDv GwEX. sitiiny^ hy tire. Lord William stalkinLi u/y ivid 
 dozen r'.'oni. 
 
 Enter ]\Iis.s Somlrton. /;: ^calkint.^ dress. 
 
 .MISS SO.AiKRTO.X. 
 
 I am glad to inid you ;>t liMnK-. X<»w do teii nie i,i i!ii- 
 delightful new >c;ni(kil. .\nd it liapv)ene«l fn .m your hou-r 
 when we >\ere all I'-ierc. 1 low o'ever lo' ye;: :»i,>tli t'l keejv 
 it so quiet I 
 
 LAi)\' (iWEX. (eoldly ). 
 
 Is there a ?iev> -canda!? 
 
 .M.lsS SU.MIIKTU.V. 
 
 Wiiy, you i,>r,oiit t" l-;n«i\v i.ie-t, .-iiice v: vr.-- fro?}'! tliis i'. ■••.-•/ 
 A.Iiss LValryinnle ran a\^ay. 
 
 30 
 
-/ Dra:ci]ii;-Ro(f}ii Play, 
 
 i.Aftv r;\\r:x. 
 Mis> Dalrymple? W'liy. .^Iv? is cnccn.y-cd tD Willi;; 11,1, 
 
 M!s> soMFirrox. 
 That is jusr what maVcs it so i;iu-rc>ii;ig:. 
 
 I. OKI I \\iLi.).\\r. 
 Pshaw! W'h.o in ilie worh' invcnk-i] sm:h. a cook-aiid-i^ni"' 
 .story about Su^rm.? 
 
 ;m iss soMicktox. 
 I don't think >l\e ever :\'aUy caivd for vt^u. 
 
 ij'ki) WILLIAM (sratiiiij: luiiisclf). 
 T!iat is onitc trne. 1 object to beinrj; h»ve«l. 
 
 M fSS S(>.\: i.KToX. 
 
 How immoral I Of course, a g'irl who can en;.;af4-c Ik'-- 
 for money i^ cav);il)le of anylhiiu;;. 
 
 LORD w'Ji.LiAM ( u ni^'rily) . 
 It was not for my money. It was for my derencc. .mt! .f. 
 get aw\'iy from Jlonolnbti. 
 
 l..\|»^' ..w i.x. 
 My dear A\'i!H:im. d^ p'.-.l! }<'nr>clf together ar.d i\'>n'\ ; .ik 
 nonsense. 
 
 >!!SS SOM':i<ToX. 
 
 From where? 
 
 LON'I) \VILLL\M. 
 
 Honohiln. Sn>a!T raid i understand eacli nther r>erf',\'':i\ . 
 SIic wishes to get away fr-mi Ib.inolnb: sln'ris- I want t i get 
 away from British i)etric(.ai>. (r wa> all .-.iPart. Ii was 
 more. (Proudly) It was ■;)rillian': I 
 
 MISS soMKirrox. 
 But why did -he nin away? 
 
 T.ORI) W! ',1.1 AM. 
 
 She did not rim away. Site can'r rim a\\;i\. Sh.e stands 
 between me and petticoat-, and ' Niand 1»etween her nv.'j 
 scratchy shirts. We :u*e goiniv l<- U rau>\ a s<»c!ely to i»rc ent 
 the trapping of inn<H*em; i^aciielors. We nie;Mi to be ••en 
 witli the designing female. .Susan and 1 ]va\ .- master-minds: 
 we do master-strokes. Our engagenieiit was a master-stroke. 
 If it liad not been for meddling fools we should have under- 
 mined two crying evils — the British matron and the quality 
 of Honolulu shirts — but, of course, inquisitive asses must poke 
 their noses in and scare Susrui. She i.-> (|uiie upset. 1 wil' 
 not have Susan upset. 
 
 MI.s.S SO.lEkTOX. 
 
 Well, this is as good as titc eloj^enieiit. Are yuu rei,!.; g-oing 
 to marry Miss Dalrymple? 
 
 31 
 
On flic Hire Sysfcni : 
 
 l-ORO WILLIAM. 
 
 Of conr.-H'. vShc will protect nic from matrimony. She is 
 ,lo \wird oil pr"niisonons attentions. I am ashamed of your 
 sex — they nKil:e me liins'i. 1 must ])e protected frr>m hlnshini:. 
 
 ATISS SOMERTOX. 
 
 TiK-n yon don't mind her having rnn off with Sir George? 
 
 LOF^n WTLLiA^^r (houndiui:: lit'). 
 Slio never r;in awav witii Sir (icorgc. Go iind sec for your- 
 self. 
 
 M I ss soM frtotn ( vising ) . 
 Oh dear n(». thanic yon. Miss Dalrymplc will not iind many 
 people to call on her now. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 I\Iy sister d<>cs. 
 
 ^ns;.s somertox (coldly). 
 Does she? 
 
 LOUD WILLIAM (augfUy). 
 And all my friends will have to, 
 
 LADY CWEX. (rising and going l(rijards ilicm). 
 Perhaps 3Iiss Somerton will join onr party for Henley 
 next week. She will surely not refuse to sec ]Miss*Dalrympl(^. 
 ■under my roof. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM (funOUSly). 
 
 She will not he asked to do so by mc. 
 
 LADY GWEX. (dsidc). 
 
 She's dying to come. (.Iloud) We shall be delighted if 
 yoti will do so. Miss Somerton, shan't we, William? 
 
 LORD WILLIAM (iisidc) . 
 
 Oh, she's dying to come, is she? Well, I don't know 
 whether S'"^an vrill cprc to meet her. Susan i^ :\-ry par- 
 ticular. 
 
 LADY GWEX. 
 
 William and I will take no refusal. (.4 side') Say sonie- 
 thing civil. 
 
 TsIIS.S SOMERTOX. 
 
 It is most kind of you: I shall he delighted. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM (usid/) . 
 
 I will not. She is a gossiping wretch. (Aloud) It must 
 be imderstood. Mi<s Somerton. that 1 will n..t hear a v^onl 
 against ^di-'s Dalrymplc. 
 
 :.rL>is somi:rto\. 
 Oh, of cour-e it y«Mi rc:dly mean to fori^dve her. it is n.iost 
 wise of vou 
 
 3-' 
 
.i DnKciiig-Room PICij 
 
 It is only honoiira1)le. Mis-^, Dalrymplc needs no sere* iiitiv 
 r>y nio. She is a perfectly iiprlglii woman.. I iiave no doubt 
 the virtue is so rarely praetisetl ihai you have a difficulty in 
 recognisinij; it -(Jjt.V/. ) v>i)ecially as yo)U know uothino- about 
 it personally. (Aside tn his sister) Take mc away — I shall 
 do t'nis woman an injur}-. 
 
 I.AJ'V GWEX. 
 
 Then we shall count on your being of our party. (Aside) 
 ^'ou .choose, she will --ay dei'ilish things of Susan if you aren't 
 ci\"il. 
 
 i.or<n \villia:\i (affably). 
 1 am sure you ought to come, if only to satisfy your curi- 
 (V^ity. (Aside) \ v>ill }iot be civil. 
 
 MISS SOMERTON. 
 
 Oh. as you in-i-l. d<\tr friends 
 
 I.ADY GWEN. 
 
 (jf cc^urse we do. William insists, I insist — don't you, 
 
 William? 
 
 LORD V/ILLI.\^r. 
 
 I insi.-^t. [Emphatically. 
 
 LADY (;VVEN. , 
 
 ^'oll must be sure \o come. Till the 5th, then, good-bye. 
 
 i.oku WILLIAM (aside). 
 OtiVr her a diamond or two. She'll come like a iamb then. 
 {Aloud} Clood-b\e. 1 hope Susan will consent to come noii.'. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 .\Mss soMEKTOX {SoUloquy. . //;,i,'/-/7y paeiug lo door of room). 
 Insolent brute I Well. I shall go. As Lord William^ seems 
 bent on marrying the woman, one may as well recognise her 
 afier a fasliion. (Al'-'id) Well, good-bye, dear Lady Gv.en. 
 M is so wise of vou U) humour Lord William [n the mean- 
 time, and the only way to eh<>ke h.im off nm.rrying her. Of 
 cjiursc. tor yrmr denr b;iy"s sake. il. i-- unj.-t undesira!)le that 
 he ^hnuld marry any one. i^n'l il? [/:.n7: 
 
 T.AUV CWEX. 
 
 (i.-.od-bye. dear Miss Somerton. (SfamhsA (Vo. you liur- 
 rid. gnssip-mongering, -(jualid /'/■.;.' 
 
 LefC. 
 
 .53 
 
<.Jii tlic Hire SyslcfH : 
 
 Sckxp: \'I. — Same room. 
 
 Enter Aliss Dalrymplk. who icalks uf> and down touching 
 tilings affectionately. Jinier Lord William. 
 
 NHSS J)ALRVMPLE. 
 
 How nico it is to lie l)ack again. Here's William. How- 
 do you do. Lord William. (Loud William holds out his 
 hand ■with Irs !:ead turned aieay. ) Oh, I forgot. There was 
 a stipulation ih.u it I came Ixick you were not to speak to 
 nor look ai iiic (.■xoept in i)uhlie. wasn't there? 
 
 [I.ORD William nods and prepares to go out. 
 
 ^rLSS DALRV.Nfl'LE. 
 
 oil ! don't Lxo. I shan't mind you. Couldn't you say "Yes" 
 and "Xo?" Tluu: would connnit neither of us to anything, 
 would it? 
 
 [L(^kD \Vii.LT\M stands sideways and shahes his head. 
 
 . MISS DALUNAU'LL. 
 
 }|ow tire-.omc you are? Perhaps you think you have said 
 enough already. 
 
 [Silence. Vi-<>^ Dalrv.mi'le zealks about and 
 pulls out iier'goien, arranging lace, &c. 
 
 MISS U.VLRVMPLE. 
 
 Oh. by-t'no-1.} e, do you think 1 ought to confess to Samuel? 
 I couldn't make up my mind. 
 
 [Lord William turns aicay. 
 
 MISS DALRVMI'LE. 
 
 . Wei!, you ore a cheerful companion. Perhaps you have 
 more to say to Miss Somerton. Well, go oft' to- her. 
 
 [Lord William prepares to go. Aliss Dal- 
 
 nAMTLE runs after him and lays hand on 
 
 Ills arm. drags him bade. 
 
 ML^S |t\LRVMf'LT:. 
 
 No. don't. T floii'i widi you to go to her. Shedl tcU 
 you all sorts ni horrid tilings that a.ren't true again, and you'll- 
 t>clievc thcTn. 
 
 '.nss !»Ar.inMi'i.E (joyfully). 
 Ycm won't. (/;/. a loud ■I'oice) I wish i had Sir George 
 here. He won.Id he nice to me. 
 
 [Lord A\'illiam shaices her hand off angrily. 
 
 M ISS D.vLKV.MI'LE. 
 
 Sir Ceorgc is so intelligent. Is anything tlie'malter ? Dear 
 
 George 
 
 [Lord William stamps and mores azeay. 
 
A Dnni'iiig-Rooiii Play. 
 
 MISS DALUVMPLE. 
 
 You are not going, are you? You don't inconvenience me 
 a bit — ^\'ou*re so unobtrusive. It is '^o nice never to be con- 
 tradicted, and lo say jnst wbat one likes. (Silriuw Stamps 
 her fo<u.) I wish ymi'd say soiiirflnii}^. even if it were un- 
 pleasant. T hate grumpy people. I do think {/udliji^a: nut 
 liai;({kryrhirf) y(nt might l)e kind to me when you know what 
 trouble T am in. Lady Gwen. said I might depend on your 
 bein;:; nice to nie — do you call this being nice? 
 
 (Lord \Villi.\m s}iiilcs and nods. 
 
 MISS D>VLRYMPLE. 
 
 Oh. you do? By the way, I never gave you back your ring. 
 1 tied it round my neck to remember. (Trirs fn untie rib- 
 h(>)i.) Yon mighi muio it for me. (Holds uf ribbon. Lcru 
 V\"iL!.i.\ '.t rrfmih: end sliakes head.) Well, you arc rude. 
 Here it is. Wni cm give it to Miss Somerton. (Holds it out. 
 \a)U\) Wii.i jam ti'.rns a^'ay.) Won't' you ha\ e it? You could 
 have lM\v'ly studs made oiu ot it, and" you could think of me 
 wlicn yi.u wore them. \ suppose there could be no harm in 
 thinking of me even if ! ■iccre .L;idy }kIarchmont. 
 
 [LoRn WfT.i.FAM turns sh.arp round angrily and stoles. 
 
 T.irss n.SLKYMrLE. 
 
 Or Mrs. Samuel. I don't think Samuel would mind. I 
 am '-ure ho wouldn't feel at all unkindly towards you. He 
 doesn't thirst for people'> blood a bit. 
 
 [Tenders the ring again. Lord Wilua:m 
 takes it and throws it to the other side of 
 the room. 
 
 I.ORI) WILLIAM. 
 
 Damnation ! [Exit. 
 
 MISS DALRYMl'LE. 
 
 iieaits till he is quite gone and looks for ring). 
 V\h:\\ v;>sh'. and wk.it a na.ughty temper. (Finds it and 
 slii^s it on io ribbon again.') \ shall otTcr it him again pres- 
 ently. 
 
 r. liter Mrss Somerton. 
 
 .MISS iiALRYMTLE (ol^'ering hand). 
 Oh, how do you do. Miss Somerton? 
 
 [Miss Somerton takes no notiee-. 
 
 MISS DALRYMl'LE 
 
 ( ralh.er diseoneerted). 
 I did nut know you were slaying here. 
 
 MKs.s SOMERTON'. (z'ery e(ddly). 
 
 The surpri>ie is mutual. 1 never thought you wonM be 
 
 courageous enough to return here. 
 
 35 
 
W'liv not ? 
 
 (7// I lie Hire Sysiciii. . 
 :ai>> i-Ai.uvMi'T.K. (cJiccrfu'lly). 
 
 .MISS SOMI^RTOa. 
 
 1 nndorsiand tliero arc reasons wliy op.c ^\oul(l hardly 
 expect to rind yen received liere. 
 
 MISS nALRV.MPi.F. 
 
 Piccaiise T ]>ro!cc oiT iny engagenienl to \\'illi;uri? 
 
 ?.HSS SOMERTOX. 
 
 I suppose it is ^\ iser lo speak of it so. 
 
 MISS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 I slinnld have tiiotight yoti wouhl have approved of my 
 hreakinc:; off the engas>"eirient. 
 
 :JfSS SOMEKTOX. 
 
 I think all Lord "^X'illiain's friends must be glad that he has 
 e-captil. 
 
 :\MSS ])ALRVMl'Li:. 
 
 I'i^caped? Surely that is not a very kind way to put it? 
 
 ,\irss so:mi-:rton. 
 That is tlic way lii- iViends put it. and that he puts it 
 hin]>eli now that he sees more clearly 
 
 M'SS ])Al,RV.Mr'|.!:. 
 
 Oh. Wiiliam sacs so, does lie? Dear William prattles so 
 artlessly. 
 
 [Silence. 
 
 MISS ilAI.RV.MIM.i:. 
 
 I mu.-t cco and cxa'ninc \\'illiam on this subject. 
 
 MiSS SOMERTOX. 
 
 I do not th.in!: you need trouble. Lady (jwcn. a^ke<i me 
 lo look alter hin.i and amuse him this afternoon. 
 
 MISS DALKYMrLE. 
 
 Let u.s go and look lor !iim togetlier. 
 
 [Miss SoMEUTON stares at her coldly from 
 liead to fo()t, iin):'es n':eay. Miss Dai.- 
 KVMi'i.E follows. 
 MISS DALKVMi'Li: (slagUy leith gesture). 
 Lead on— I follow to the death ! 
 
 [[■.veil lit. 
 
 Lajjv Gwex. c;;;(/ .Miss Somertox sittin;j; at one side of tlie 
 room. Aliss DA(.Rv.\n'i.E alone a^ ilie nfher. 
 
 LADY GWEX. i^risiiig and i^oing across). 
 1 must not let dear Su>an .-it by herself over there. Come 
 over t"» ns. dvdr. 
 
 3^ 
 
.Mj.-^s uAi.i.'.v.Mi'i.i:. (rafhcr bitlrrly). 
 Thank yon. dear Gwo.n. ; but I am not good enough for 
 that lady. I conic oj'f black it I o;o nearer. 
 
 1..MIV CWTIX. 
 
 Whai nonsense! 
 
 .Mil.SS l».M,U\ .\ii'l./:. 
 
 Iler purity is .so spotless I SIk- cannot loucii nie wiih the 
 hem of her garment for fear tiiat her virtue should take to 
 itself wings and disappear, ft niusi l)e dreadful to have so 
 precarious a ;4'ras() of it, nmstn't it, (iwen.? 
 
 T.AOV fiWKX. 
 
 What nonsense I {Bnidiihj; (lnwii) Why. Su.san dearest. 
 you aren't goini^- to let lUanclie yet the better of you. are 
 you ? 
 
 :u!.-s i).\'.Kv\!i'i.):. 
 . Ves. dear. I think so- [fa ilri^rcss^'i! tone. 
 
 \\'\\\\ wlicre'r, your C';ura;j;c? 
 
 Mis.s i).\!.;o:u i i.i:. 
 1 never \vm\ any. I was b(.)r!) a coward, tlianl; gDudnt'.-s. 
 
 \.\V,\ (iWKX. 
 
 Aren't yon <,n>inq: to n;i-bt /or /;;(■;• O'nie. come, brisk- up I 
 Courage I 
 
 [(/('i-.v imck :u-i\!ss rlw r.v.';//. Miss \).\\.- 
 
 •:v.\ri'ij-: fclliKc.^-, ,\ud si!s hcsidi' .Miss 
 
 .SoMt^RTOX. 
 
 .\ji.-.- so.Mijriox (risiu-' and i^i-'ini^ to '.c/z/f/.'-ee ). 
 What a lovely moonlight night I Shall we go out? Do- 
 come, it looks exciiisite. ^'oii don't mind. Lady Gwen. ? 
 
 [Str/^s out of I'rcnch i^'indon,'^ 
 
 \.\\)Y CWKX. 
 
 1 sli<»uid prefer it. 
 
 [lixit Ahss SoMKkTox. Mi.s.s D.m.kvmi'IJ* 
 hasiily turns Iwr Ifurk t.i Ladn' ('iV>'i-:x, 
 and st'JiulK^ !?;/// /'//y. 
 
 MISS ]).\I.UV.M1'L':. 
 
 Well, dear, ihat wasn't nuich of a success. (i'liL'rrfully) 
 We nuist try ay,ain. 
 
 [.Aov liWKX. {angrily). 
 
 .She shall eillier ai)ologise or she shall leave my house, I 
 will go to her, and you nuiy be sure I shall say what I mean. 
 
 Is.ntri- Lord \\"j(.i.iam. suiiids, hcsiiatrs, I'ocs across to Mis;< 
 DALi;v.Mri.r 
 
 V 
 
Oil tlic Hire Sysfciii . 
 
 I-OiU) U"!l.i-l.\.\l. 
 
 Are y..'!' a' ,;.id to go out too. Alis> IX'ilrympIr" 
 
 .MISS DALin^iPlj:. 
 
 A^'cry much : the :^lnln^,nhorc is loo chilly. 
 
 LOi<|) WIL[.iA.\r. 
 
 [t'-. vciiV.y rnr'to wfirni, hut I'll fetch yen ;i w i-ap. 
 
 1 Tin- lis /.' •;('. 
 ^l]ss I) ■,! k>' Mr'i.r, (rises and ^ocs ucross tiw rtwjii). 
 Trt;.; iK'.d not. 1 \\a> alhuling to llu' mental atiiiosiihere. 
 
 l.OKi) \VI1.!.T.\.>!. 
 
 What has BlaTichc 
 
 M IS> ]>A!.kY.M I'l.K. 
 
 \H'-s vSomertou's eitDrts ha-.e heeii crowned will, sncce:-s. 
 I said the atmosphere was chilly. I made a mistake. She is 
 making this hfiuse too liot to hold me. 
 
 J.OKP Wll.l.TAM. 
 
 Has Gwen. 
 
 M ISS ]!AJ.R^"M I'M-:. 
 
 (jwGii. lias l.)ee:i in every \vay rtii>st Icind. 
 
 LORD Wn.I.TAA!. 
 
 Ilrrcc / rri-ed in respect? 
 
 [l'\^l!o':vs lu-r and stands behind her. 
 
 :'.i;s- n.M.RVMPLE. (.s/;a/l-c'.j her head). 
 In no way; but your guests are not so punctilious. 
 
 i.ORn wiJJ.r \.M. 
 In what way? 
 
 MISS DA '.kY mi-it:. 
 
 Oh. they behave tovvards mc as the smanly improper on;.;!'.! 
 to hrhave towards a suspected offender, though Aliss Sotncr- 
 ton is good enougli to say that if a girl is in a good set it is 
 really almost rm respectable for her to run away before her 
 marriage as after. 
 
 LORD WILLf.WI. 
 
 Confound her im{)udence I 
 
 ^ifSS DALRVMIN.!:. 
 
 Vou see her friends solve the dilticulty by not runnin.g 
 away at all. Everything comes in time to iier who has a 
 detachable inisband. {Lauifhiui^ a little.) Well, well — it is 
 a queer world, my dear William — {throics herself on ehair) — 
 it is only the truly virtuous like you and me who are 
 thoroughly uncomfortable. 
 
 LORD wiLLTA>r (sitiin^ on arm of ehair'. 
 
 T am not in the legist unv:omfortable. thank vor- 
 
A Draimig-Room Play. 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE (laitgltill;^ a HHlc). 
 
 Perhaps you arc not truly virtuous. 
 
 LORD WILLTAM, 
 
 Tell mo what I oan do. (Jl'alhs uh and doiyn ilic room.) 
 Do you suppose I do not reproach myself? It it had uot been 
 
 for my beastly tomfoolery 
 
 :>nss DAi.RVMi'ij' iluniin'^ wiili a frozen). 
 
 Xo, do noi Ijlamc yourself, t should have been more 
 careful. ^)v:L I was .w d.ill. . . . and I thought Sanuiel made it 
 all riglu. . . . rcrh;:p. I may mention now that 1 have a 
 brother Sp.muel. ( /.^^^',!;//^^,) It's a horrid name, isn't it? 
 1 couldn't >:h!rry any ..no of the name. 
 
 r.ORH WILLIAM. 
 
 Susan I (Comes liitirkly across and hcnds over Jirr.) 
 Were yon all the linu- talking what young beasts call 
 tommy-rot? 
 
 >.I[SS DALRY.MPLE. 
 
 I'm sorry. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Can you forgive me for putting you in a Iiole? 
 
 MLSS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 I forgave it long ago. 
 
 LORD W'lLLIAM. 
 
 ^'ou darling! You might go a little fartlier. 
 
 MISS dalry:mple. 
 I've gone a little farther. 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Have you? How — how — far have you gone? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 Miss Somerton will tell j-ou. 
 
 [Looks up and begins to laugh a little. 
 
 LORD WILLIAI\[. 
 
 Could you go a little farther still? 
 
 MISS DALRYMPLE. 
 
 How far do you want me to go? 
 
 LORD WILLI A.M. 
 
 I want you to be my wife. 
 
 [lakes her hand and raises her from chair. 
 
 MISS DALKVMI'LE. 
 
 You are infinitely good, but how can I when yom- friends 
 won't receive me? 
 
 LORD WILLI.V:.!. 
 
 Stutt and nonsense! Has Gwen. not received you? 
 
 [Piittitii; arm round her ivaist. 
 
 ^0 
 
On the Hire Syslc^;i: 
 
 MISS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 Yes. 
 
 LORD Wir.I.TAM. 
 
 \\'(j!1, she's the only rehuioti that ir.alUrs. She'.- the only 
 near one I've got — except yon. 
 
 MISS DAT.RVMl'Li:. 
 
 ]\Iy dear William — except who? 
 
 LORD wn.r,iAM. 
 My wife. (Stoops and Icissrs lirr Invr.) Von called me 
 your dear William. 
 
 MISS DALUY?^[PLE. 
 
 Oh. you are going far too quick ! 
 
 LORD WILLIAM. 
 
 Not a bit. 
 
 :\[ISS DALRVMPLE. 
 
 I can't marry you it people won't speak to mc. 
 
 Rc-cnicr Ladv Gwf.x. Miss Dalry:,[ple staris away from 
 Lord Willlvm. 
 
 LADY (;\VEX. 
 
 Why dv'l yon not come out, Susan? It wris lovely. 
 
 LORD WILLL\M. 
 
 She was l>ctter employed. 
 
 [TakiHi^ Mjss Dalrymi'Le's hand ai^ain, 
 
 Rr-ciifrr Mi^s Somertox. 
 
 MISS DALRVMPLE (I'atllCI' COilfliSCd). 
 
 Oh. it was too cold — too hot — too 
 
 LORD WUXIAM. 
 
 The fact was I made her stay, and hereafter Susan liav <:(ii 
 to do all I tell her. 
 
 ],AliY (AVLX. 
 
 {■ninn'ui;j: ^'A (^'^d rinbracing her.) 
 Susan I Oh. you dear girl! Are you going to marr\ him? 
 
 LOUD WILLIAM 
 
 (liirniiiij: to Mfss Somerton). 
 I have to thank you for giving Susan the turn in i'i( righr 
 direciioti, Miss Somerton. [ ;telie\c it was entirely lowing t" 
 your influence that she ha-, -.luck to her resoUui'Ti i.> be m - 
 wife. 
 
 [Takes Miss Dalry:nIPle'6 hand. Ishss SoMER'ntx frowns an: 
 turns aii^ay. 
 
 40 
 
,.a/8' OHT 38 1901 
 
LIBRftRV OF CONGRESS 
 
 Mi 
 
 %