The Beantown Choir Price, 25 Cents WALTER HBAKER&' CO BOSTON fMjJk, X'TCJ^T T^^^Ar-Jdlr^ltr-A ^>. 0k^k r-i^lj-T^i^ Lilkj^A^ ^ r Recent Plays That H ave " Gone Over the Top " I; T i \Iale< Ffwat « Time Pri« Royalty The Adventures of Grandpa 4 5 2 hrs 25c Free ^ The Air Spy 12 4 I>^ " 25c Special !> The American Flag 6 3 2 " 25c Free Captain Cranberry 8 2 " 25c '« i» The College Chap II 7 2 «' 25c « ^ »► The Colonel's Maid 6 3 2 " 25c <« The Country Doctor 6 5 2 " 25c « i» Country Folks 6 5 2 '♦ 250 • u ^ A Couple of Million 6 2 «' 25c ;^ 10.00 Cranberry Corners 6 6 2 " 25c Free ji Daddy 4 4 1/, '. 25c «< ^ The Deacon's Second Wife 6 6 2 " 25c (* The District Attorney lO 6 2 " 25c « 1^ The Dutch Detective 5 5 2 «« 25c *4 )" An Easy Mark 5 2 ^ " 15c «< Elizabeth's Young Man I 3 'A " 25c «« ^ The Elopement of Ellen 4 3 2 25c « ^ Engaged by Wednesday 5 II •>^ " 25c « Freddy Goes to College 4 2 H " 25c «« 1^ i A Full House 3 3 'A " »5c tt )» The Girl From Upper Seven lO II 2 " 25c 1* ^ Grandma Gibbs of the Red Cross 8 9 2 " 25c it ii i Honeymoon Flats 6 8 i;4 " 25c It ^ The Hoodoo 6 12 2 25 c U ij The Hurdy Qurdy Girl 9 9 2 25c (« |» Johnny's New Suit 2 5 1^: " 25c it Local and Long Distance I 6 K " ^5c it ^ Lost — A Chaperon 6 9 2 " 25c t( ^ The Loving Cup 4 9 ;^ " 25c ^5.00 The Man Who Went 7 3 2>4 •' 25c Special -^ Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 4 7 2 " 25c Free ^ Much Ado About Betty lO 12 2 25c « ^ No Trespassing 6 5 2 " 25c <« C Our Wives 7 4 2 " 25c « J( Pa's New Housekeeper 3 2 H " 15c « !» J Professor Pepp 8 8 2K " 25c « c The Rebellion of Mrs. Barclay 3 6 'X " 25c (( i» J A Regiment of Two 6 4 2/2 " 25c <« ^ 4 Sally Lunn 3 4 l;4 «. 25c « The Slacker 2 7 K " 25c u 'f ^ Step Lively 4 lO 2 25c " 1? 3 The Submarine Shell 7 4 2 " 25c Special 4 Teddy, or The Runaways 4 4 2)4 " 25c rVee 3» 2 The Time of His Life 6 3 2/2 " 25c « l^ The Troubling of Bethesda Pool 2 12 ^ " 25c « c Valley Farm 6 6 2/ " 25c <« *f j( The Village SchooLMa'arn 6 5 2 " 25c « J WUIowdale 7 5 2X " 25c <( ^ For " special " royalties, see catalogue descri ptions for - c detailed information. |i llj BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. ► 1 Hyiyjyyyyyyy^^ -v^ ^^v "^^V^V -— :^r« ntt-mp-MTTB \ ^ The Beantown Choir A Farcical Entertainment in Three Acts By WALTER BEN HARE Author of "The Boy Scouis," "Chrts/^nas with the Mulligamr ^nhe Camp Fire Girls r -A Couple of Million, "The Dutch Detective;' " The Hoodoo,'' " The Heiress Hunters, "Isosce- les " "Much Ado About Betty," "A Pageant of History, ** Professor Pepp," "Teddy, or. The Runaways: " The White Christmas," "The Adventures of Grandpa, '< Grandma Gibbs of the Red Cross," "The Scout Master, " " Twelve Old Maids, " " Over Here, ' ' etc. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1919 The Beantown Choir CHARACTERS The Widow Wood, of course she would, all loidows would. Beth Wood, her stepdaughter, a real sweet girl. Hezekiah Doolittle, _;>5/ as full of fnischief as a dog is of fleas. Mrs. Do-ree-mee Scales, the director of the choir, pity her! Belinda Snix, who orter be in grand opera, orsomewheres. Tessie Tooms, who pianns and organs jest lovely. Sallie Etta Pickle, who takes high C jest like a cough-drop. Mandy Hamslinger, her voice was cultivated on the cultivator. Birdie Cackle, a twittering birdie whojings like a lark, ersump'm. Grandmaw Howler, who d be a good singer yet, if her voice had ' a held out. Samantha Sniggins, aged eight, little, but— oh, my I Bashful Bill Boomer, long on bass but short on nerve. Male Quartet, and two Men for Tableau. Jedediah Girls quartet. SYNOPSIS Act I. The choir rehearses. Discord. Act II. The donation party. A forte climax and a crash. Act III. The concert. Harmony. Copyright, 19 19, by Walter Ben Hare Free for amateur performance. Professional stage and jnoving picture rights reserved. ©C!,D ■527L'.. COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS The Widow Wood. — Aged 46. Wrinkle the face with soft lead pencil. Rouge should be plentifully applied high up on the cheek bones. Broaden and blacken the eye- brows. Wear nose-glasses. The role requires a good loud-speaking voice and a commanding carriage. It is the leading part in the play and should be carefully rehearsed. For the first act she wears a house dress and apron, changing to the ludicrous costume described in the play for the latter part of the act. In the second act she wears a wrapper or kimono and has her jaw tied up with red flannel and white bandages. In the third act she wears an elaborate wedding dress, veil, wreath, etc. This role does not require singing ability. Beth. — Aged 20. A sweet, pretty girl who can sing soprano. Simple house dress in Acts I and II. White dress with large white hat in Act III. . Hezekiah. — A gawky country boy of about 18. White socks, large shoes, tan suit much too small for him, red necktie, funny hat. Touseled red or blond wig and eyebrows painted to match. Freckle the face all over with black dots. Draw white lines around the eyes. A great role for a low comedian played similarly to the Fatty Arbuckle roles in the moving pictures. Learn the lines exactly as written and practice all the funny falls, business, etc., at each rehearsal. Speak loud and slow but in a childish voice. This part has been successfully played by a lady on several occasions. Dry front teeth then cover two with hot black grease paint. Mrs, Scales. — The choir directress. Old-fashioned costumes, very elaborate. Change costumes in each act. Should be played by a middle-aged woman if possible. Make-up should not be grotesque. She carries a tuning fork, and marks time for the singers in Acts I and II. Her first name should be pronounced Do-re-me, the first three notes of the scale. 4 COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS Belinda. — A good soprano singer. Old-fashioned cos- tumes, somewhat grotesque. The quarrel scene with Sallie needs careful rehearsing and it can be made very funny, by waving the arms, crying, shouting and clench- ing. For the Jingle Bells tableau she wears a pretty win- ter costume, hat, furs, etc. Tessie. — The pianist. Funny old-fashioned costumes changing for each act. For Act III she wears an elabo- rate evening costume with exaggerated coiffure. Sallie. — Funny old maid. Grotesque costumes, coif- fure and make-up. Side-curls, lace mitts, reticule, striped stockings, mincing walk, high-pitched voice. This is a very funny part and can be made one of the hits of the play if the actress will play it in a broad comedy manner and costume it for comedy effect. Mandy. — Pretty young girl soprano. Old-fashioned costumes. Scotch costume for Annie Laurie tableau. Birdie. — Pretty young girl alto. Old-fashioned cos- tumes. Spanish costume of orange and black lace, man- tilla, yellow rose over ear, high comb, etc., for Juanita costume. Grandmav^. — Old lady in black old-fashioned dress, white apron and cap. Large cane and black megaphone for ear trumpet. Walk bent over, speak in high-pitched old woman's voice. Hands tremble all the time. White hair and large spectacles. Neat gray costume with white lace fichu for Act IlL Samantha. — A pert little girl. Childish costumes somewhat old-fashioned. This part could be played by small woman, if desired. Bill. — Bashful bass singer in old-fashioned costumes. Negro make-up in Act IlL Jedediah Chorus Men. — Full dress coats with buttons covered with tinfoil. Gray trousers. High collars made by turning up a turn-over collar. Ruffled white shirts, black bow ties. Jedediah Girls. — Hoop skirts, pantalettes, bell-crown bonnets tied under chins. Hair down in curls. i 1 The Beantown Choir ACT I SCENE. — Parlor at the Widow Wood's home in Bean- town No scenery required. A plain, old-fashioned room with a piano down l. and mtrances at L. and r. A small platform concealed by chenille curtains is at rear center. Table with chairs dozvn r. Sofa and chairs up R. and l. Use old-fashioned furniture, pic- tures, ornaments, etc. {At the rise of the curtain Beth Wood is seen seated at the piano. She sings the first sianca and chorus of " Love's Old Sweet Song " and is well started on the second stanza when Widow Wood enters from r. and surveys her angrily.) WiD. Is that all you've got to do ? Beth. I was just resting a minute. The cakes are in the oven. Wid. You disturbed me while I was getting my beauty sleep up-stairs. How kin a body sleep when you're squawking down here like a delirious chicken with its head cut off? Are the sandwiches made? (Beth nods.) And the cream friz ? Beth. Hezekiah's freezing it now. Wid. You made the lemonade, didn't you ? Beth. It's in the ice-box. Wid. Dinner dishes washed and put away? (Beth nods.) So you hain't got nothin' to do but to set down to my pianny and play " Love's Old Sweet Song," hay ? Beth. I'm sorry if I disturbed you. Wid. You're allers a-disturbin' me. That's all the thanks I git fer givin' you a good home and everything. Beth, I try to help you all I can. 5 6 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR WiD. Yes, by playin' on my pianny when I need the beauty sleep. I suppose the minister is comin' to the choir rehearsal this afternoon and you're practicing up fer him? Beth. No, he said he wasn't coming. WiD. Is that what he was teUin' you down at the gate last night? I thought he never would go and we'd have him here fer breakfast in the morning. Now you see here, Beth Wood, I ain't goin* to have no sich carry- ings-on at my front gate, even ef he is a minister. You tell him he can't come no more. You ain't old enough to kite around with the men yet, minister er no minister. Betpi. I'm nearly twenty. WiD. I was over forty when I married your paw. Beth, Yes, I know. WiD. (sharply). I don't want no sass outa you, even if you air my stepdaughter. Ain't I got enough to bother about? It took me all morning to write that memorial poem to Brother Botts and even now I ain't got no rhyme to Botts. Beth. Pots. (Crosses to c. e.) WiD. Pots ain't poetical and you know It. Ef he'd 'a' owned any real-estate I could 'a' said sump'm about lots, but he didn't. I ain't got the last verse done yet and the choir's due at two o'clock, and you a-squawkin' love songs and bangin' on my pianny, actually I'm so dis- tracted that I dunno whether I'm standin' feet-up er head-up. (Sinks in chair.) Oh, I'm upsot, I'm all up- sot. What was the minister a-talkin' to you about? Beth. Well, he said (Pauses.) He said WiD. Took him purt' nigh two hours to say it. What was it? Beth. He said he liked my pumpkin pie I took to the social. WiD. Your punkin pie ? Yottr punkin pie ! My pun- kins, wasn't they? My eggs, my lard, my sugar, my spices. All you did was to make it. (Beth touches por- tieres.) You come away from that memorial. Don't you dasst touch it. Beth. All right. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 7 I never see sicli a gal. Lazy, good- for- noth- Mrs. Wood ! Well, what is it? I don't know what to do. I try so hard to please you, but I can't. Everything I. do seems to be wrong. I don't know why it is. Maybe I'd better leave you and see if I can get a job in the city. WiD. Leave me? Leave me! And have every tongue-waggin' gossip in Beantown sayin' that I'm a cruel stepmother. Hush up that snifflin' ! Don't you dasst to cry on my chenille portieres. Get a job in the city, hay? Why, folks 'ud say I treated you like a slave. I ain't ^ a-goin' to have 'em say that, even if I do, which I don't. You do your work and send that minister a-kitin', and stay in at night, and milk the cows, and do the farm chores and you won't hear no complaint from me. Come away from that memorial. You're liable to drag them portieres down, and I ain't goin' to have that picture un- veiled until the unveilin' time comes. Beth {crosses hack to piano). All right. WiD. My brother Botts v.^as the director of the Bean- town choir fer thirty years before he crossed into the River Jerden, and it is befittin' that they be the first to gaze on his picture. It is to be the surprise of the after- noon. Tessie Toops will play " We Shall Meet, But We Shall Miss Him," and we'll all sing it, and at the begin- ning of the second verse I'll pull back the curtains and there he'll be. Beth. They'll be surprised, I'm sure. WiD. Surprised ? Well, I should think they would. It's a life-size crayon portrait and it cost me eight dollars and eighty-five cents, to say nothin' of the easel and the frame. Beth. I am sure it will be a lovely memorial to your brother's memory. WiD. You bet it will. Finer'n anything in Beantown outside the cemetery. I been aimin' to have Brother Bottses tintype enlarged to life-size crayon fer years, and now it's did, and it'll be the sensation of the town. 8 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR Beth. Doesn't any one know anything about it ? WiD. Not a word. I set it up and put them curtains up to cover it till the proper moment arrives fer the un- veilin'. Maybe I'll have your paw enlarged some time, when I git the money from the lower eighty. Some folks'll say I orter did it now, me bein' his widowed wife in mournin' fer nearly two years, but Brother Botts was sich a prominent man, him being the director of the Bean- town choir fer over thirty years — I jist owed a memorial to his musical memory. I know the minister will be im- pressed, him being musical, too. I'm sorry he ain't comin' to the rehearsal. Beth. He said he had to make some calls out in the country. WiD. My, my, how confidential you two must* have got there at my garden gate. And all on account of a punkin pie. Say, hain't we got another one of them pies out in the ice-box? Beth. Yes. WiD. I'm going to send it to him with my compli- ments. And I'm going to tell him it was.iny pie that made the impression on him last night. I'm goin' to send him over a hull pie this minute. (Goes to door at l. and calls loudly. ) Hezekiah ! Hezekiah (outside at l., hazvls). Huh? Whatcha want ? WiD. I want you to go on a errant over to the min- ister's. Hez. (outside). I can't. Vm a-turnin' the ice-cream, and puttin' the dishes away on the buttery shelf. WiD. You come here this minute. Hez. Can't. I got my hands full, I tell ye. Wtd. You drop what you're a-doin' and come here at once when I speak to you. Hez. (yells). What say? WiD. Drop what you're doin' and come here. (Loud crash of breaking dishes heard outside L.) Br:TH. Goodness, the dishes! WiD. My thunder to Betsy, I'll skin that boy alive. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR (Hez. appears at L.) Hez. (grins). I dropped it. WiD. 'what did you break now ? Hez. Soup tureen, soup bowl, butter dish, two cups and three sassers. You says drop 'em, and (makes ges- ture) blooey, they dropped! WiD. (rushes at him, grabs him and shakes him). I'll learn you, I'll learn you ! Hez. You don't have to larn me. I know how al- ready. Droppin' soup tureens and sassers is one of the best tricks I do. WiD. (pushes him to l.). Oh, you heathen! You great, big, awkward, lummoxy, butter-fingered, addle- headed, over-weight gawk! Hez. Gosh ! I didn't know they was so many words in the dictionary. (She jerks him out at L.) Beth (takes letter from pocket and reads it). "My dear Elizabeth, I love you better than anything on earth and feel that you are the only woman in the whole world who could make my happiness complete. True, I have known you but a short time, but who could know you at all without loving you, the dearest, sweetest Httle woman on earth. I want to marry you at once, as life is a dreary aching void without you. May I hope? To- morrow night is the concert given by the choir to cele- brate the close of my second year in Beantown. Why could we not arise after the concert and have Brother Layman, the presiding elder, unite us in the holy bonds of matrimony? I shall return from my country visitations late to-night ; if you consent to my plan put a pot of blooming geraniums on the gate-post and make me the happiest man in the world. Let us keep our plans a se- cret until the ceremony, and believe me, sincerely and de- votedly your own, Richard Manly." (She smiles, gives a deep sigh of joy and kisses the letter.) 10 THE BnANTOWN CHOIR Enter Mrs. Scales, Belinda Snix and Tessie Tooms from R. Belinda. We walked right in just like we owned the place. I guess you didn't hear us knock. Beth {puts letter under hook on piano; embarrassed) . No. (Shakes hands with them.) But we are always glad to see you. How well you are looking, Mrs. Scales. Mrs. vS. Well, e£ I do my feelings belie my looks. I ain't hardly able to be out o' bed, much less direct the final rehearsal of the Beantown choir. But business is busi- ness, and here I am. (Mrs. S. moves to piano, removing bonnet, shawl and lace mitts.) Beth. I'm awfully glad to see you, Miss Snix. Bel. Thank you, Bethy. You're lookin' real sweet to-day. I suppose the widder hain't dressed yet? {Joins Mrs. S., removing wraps.) Beth. Oh, yes. She's out in the kitchen. Bel. {to Mrs. S.). That's a good sign. That means we're goin' to have sump'm to eat. Tess. {shaking hands with Beth at r.). Are we the first ones here? Beth. Yes, and Mrs. Wood will be so glad, for you are her closest friends. Tess. You're looking right well. Beth {laughs). Oh, I'm always well. Come in here, ladies, and take off your things. {Opens door at r.) Bel. {crossing to r. with Mrs. S.). I hope some of the men-folks in the choir will turn up. " Ti:ss. You're always thinking about the men, Be- linda. Bi-.L. Not necessarily. But I dunno how we're goin' to have any part singin', less'n some basses and tenors shovv's up. [Exit, R. Tess. Ain't it the truth ! • [Exit, R. Mrs. S. Well, if they don't show up fer the last re- hearsal the concert is goin' to be a failure. I kin direct a THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 11 choir all right but goodness knows I can't sing tenor and bass, too. I'm strainin' my voice as it is. [Exit, R. Enter Wid. from l., carrying a broom and leading Hez. by the ear. Hez. carries a pumpkin pie on a plate, covered with a napkin. Wid. Now you march straight over to the minister's and tell him the Widder Wood is sendin' him one of her own punkin pies with her compliments, and don't you dasst to fall down and break that pie, and don't you eat none of it. {Suddenly.) Hezekiah Doolittle, you take your thumb out'n that pie er I'll lamm the daylights outa you. Hez. You let go my ear. I can't do nothin' with you a-holdin' my ear. You're a-hurtin' me. My ear's tender, so it is. Wid. I'll tender you ef you break that pie. {Goes to piano; Hez. crosses to r.) Hez. {peeps under the napkin). Gosh, that looks good. Wid. Beth, I want you to sweep off the front porch, and there's a little dirt in here. {Sweeps.) You don't never half do your work. (Hez. sneezes.) Don't you dasst to sneeze in that pie. Hez. {balancing the plate on his finger tips). I can't help sneezi'n', kin I ? Sump'm tickled my nose and I jest had to sneeze er bust. {Sneezes.) Ker-choo. {Nearly drops the pie. Wid. rushes to him and hits him with the broom. ) Wid. There ! Hez. {trips and falls, spilling pie on floor). There! {Sits on floor.) Wid. It's busted, the plate's busted and the pie's busted. {Hits him with broom.) Hez. {rubs his back where she hit him). I'm busted, too. {Eats the pie.) Wid. {angrily). Get up. 12 THE BEANTOWM CHOIR Hkz. (with closed lips meaning '' no "). Um-umph. WiD. You get up ! Hez. Don't you hit me. (Geis up on feet clumsily with his elbows still on floor.) WiD. {hits him with the bfoom, knocking him down again). Spoil my pie, will you? You get right out there in the buttery and git that other pie and if you break that one,,ril wallop you till you warp. {He crawls out on knees at l., she zvhacking him with the broom and he yelling loudly. Mrs. S., Bel. and Tess. appear at r. ) Bel. {sinks in chair at r., almost fainting). Oh, it's a burglar, it's a burglar. I'm faint. Fan me. Help ! Tess. {fans her). No, it hain't. Mrs. S. {at c). What is it? Who was being mur- dered? Was it a tramp or a thief? WiD. It was Hezekiah. Beth, you clean up all that muss. He spilled a pie on the floor. {Shakes hands with the ladies.) I'm so glad to see you. Just set down and make yourselves at home. I've been so upsot in the kitchen that I ain't had time to finish my costume. Ex- cuse me, jest a minute. Beth, you entertain them and then go and sweep off the front stoop. And you'd better look at the cakes in the oven. I hate scorchy cakes. [Exit, R. Beth. Excuse me, while I look after the cakes. [Exit, L. Mrs. S. Ain't she an angel though ? A regular angel fallen right down from the skies. If ever there was a fallen angel it's Bethy Woods. And the widder treats her worse'n pizen. Tess. She makes her a regular slave. It's a wonder the child don't run away. Bel. She works her like a nigger from morning till night, and won't let her go down to the village, er have company, er nothin*. THE BfiANfToWN CHOIR Ij Mrs. S. The preacher took her home from the meet- ing last night. Bel. He did ? Wall, I want to know. Mrs. S. I saw 'em when they passed by my house and I was so surprised that I nearly fell outa the open win- dow. Tess. Beth and the minister! Well, I never thought of that. It would make a lovely match, but what'll Sallie Etta say? Bel. Sallie Etta Pickle will be left again, that's all. She's had her eyes on the minister ever since he set foot in Beantown two years ago. Mrs. S. It would be a blessing if he married Beth. Bel. Hush, she's coming. Enter Beth from l., carrying pie en plate and followed by Hez. Beth. You won't let this one drop, will you, Hezekiah? Hez. Betcher life I won't. I'd do anything fer you, Bethy. Beth. Tell Mr. Manly's housekeeper to tell him that the geranium will be blooming to-morrow night. Hez. Geranium? Whatcha talkin' about? Hain't they bloomin' all the time? Beth. You'll tell her, won't you? Hez. Betcher life. (Mrs. S. crosses to piano.) Mrs. S. Tessie, let's run over Belinda's solo before the others come. (Tess. plays piano, Bel. sings "A Life Lesson" or " There, Little Girl, Don't Cry.") Tess. That's lovely. You're going to make an awful hit to-morrow night, Belinda. Hez. (starts to cry). Oh, oh, oh! Others. What's the matter, Hezekiah? Hez. That song makes me sad, breakin' her doll and her heart and everything. (Cries loudly.) Gosh, it's pa- 14 THE BEANTOWN CKOtR thetical. There, little girl, don't cry. (Sobs.) Never i heerd anything so blamed pathetical in all my born days (Exit at R., carrying pie and crying loudly.) Bel. What's Miss Pickle going to sing, Do-ree-my?^ Mrs. S. She hadn't decided last night, but she said I', she'd let me know to-day. Tess. She orter sing " Men May Come and Men May Go, But I Go On Forever." (Knock at door R. Beth opens the door, admitting Sallie Pickle.) Bel. Well, speaking of angels, you'll smell brimstone every time Sallie. Am -I late? Oh, I'm so sorry. It took me quite a spell to dress. I kinda thought the minister would be here and he always likes this dress so much. And of course a girl like me wants to please her minister. Mrs. S. Girl? Bel. Did you say girl ? Sal. That's what I said. I ain't a day over twenty- five and well you know it, Belinda Snix. (They argue in pantomime.) (Beth opens door at r. and admits Mandy Ham- SLiNGER and Birdie Cackle. They all shake hands and exchange greetings.) Mrs. S. (to Mandy). How's your voice to-day? Got over that cold ? Mandy. I'm a little hoarse. Lemme try it. (Sings scale up and down rapidly. ) How's that ? (Betpi takes wraps, hats, etc., and exits at r.) Mrs. S. I think you flatted a little on the d. Try it again. Birdie. Fm sure she did. Listen at these trills. (Bird, sings trills and Man. sings the scales. After a short time Bel. starts to sing ah-ah-ah exercise. All sing softly at first, hut get louder and louder, and finally Tess. starts to play fast song on piano. This THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 1 5 is good comic business, but it should not be unduly prolonged. ) Mrs. S. Ladies! {Louder.) Ladies! {Yells.) Ladies! {Noise stops.) We can't have such a discord. Take your seats, please. And remember that Do-ree- my Scales is the director of this choir. Tessie, take your place at the piano. Now we'll start off at once. {Specialty introduced. Ladies' quartet or solo and chorus. At the end of the specialty Beth enters, followed by Grandmaw Howler and Samantija Sniggins. Ladies go to Grandmaw and shake hands and excJ^ange greetings. Grandmaw is very " deef " and carries a black megaphone which she uses as an ear-trumpet. ) Grandmaw. Wall, wall, here you all be jest as snug IS a bug in a rug. I thought I wasn't goin' to be able to ^come, 'cause I had an accident. Samantha. Yep, she lost her false teeth. Gran. What you sayin', Samanthy? Sam. I said you lost your teeth. Gran, {puts up ear-trumpet). Hay? Sam. Teeth, teeth, teeth I Gran. Beef? What you talkin' about? We hain't had no beef fer a coon's age. Others {yell). Teeth, teeth, teeth. She said you lost your teeth. Gran. Yes, that's so. I am a little deef, but there hain't no one hardly notices it. Sam. She found 'em again, in the water bucket. I was playin' they was submarines. Sal. {sings scale). Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si, do. {Descends scale. Man. sings scale in another key.) Mrs. S. Here, here, ladies. Ladies ! Keep still. You're out of order. Gran. What say? What say, Doreemy? Mrs. S. I said Sallie Etta Pickle is out of order. Gran, {goes to Sal. and looks her over). Out o' or- 1 6 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 1 der, hay? Well, you do look kinda pindly. You orter use Codliver Purple Pills. Mrs. S. Birdie Cackle, have you decided on your solo ? Bird. No, I haven't. I want something that'll show off my voice. Sal. You orter sing-*' I Cannot Sing the Old Songs." Bird. Is that so ? Well, you orter sing " Forsaken Am I." Mrs. S. I wonder what's keepin' the widder? Beth. She'll be down in a minute. She's writing a poem. All. a poem ? Mrs. S. What about? Beth. A little surprise. Mrs. S. Places all. We'll practice " My Old Ken- tucky Home " and {to audience) I want every one to join in the chorus. Don't be afraid. Maybe if you sing out real good we'll give you a plac-e in the Beantown choir. Ready! All rise. Ready at the piano, Tessie. {Beats time.) Down, left, right, up. Sing!*' {All sing. "My Old Kentucky Home.") Gran. Wasn't that jest lovely? I tell you these here new-flangled songs ain't near as sweet as the songs of the long ago. When Brother Botts used to conduct the Bean- town choir I was the leadin' sopranno and folks 'ud come fer miles around jest to hear me sing " There is a Green Hill." I'd be the head sopranno yet if my voice had 'a' held out. {Sings high note.) There, what do you think of that? All. Perfectly lovely. Sam. Sounded like a chicken to me. {Goes to c. e.) Gran. Samanthy, you come away from them curtains. You're liable to pull 'em down, er sump'm. Ain't you goin' to favor us with a song, Sallie Etta Pickle? You hain't much on carryin' a tune, but your high notes is grand. You take high C jest like a cough-drop. Mrs. S. Yes, Sallie, I got to know what you're going to sing at the concert to-morrow night. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR I7 Enter Hez. from r. Hez. I give her the punkin pie to give him and told her about the geraniums. Beth. Thank you, Hezekiah. Hez. I reckon I'll take a seat and set down and listen to the music. I kin stand it ef you kin. Mrs. S. Are you ready, Sallie ? Sal. {sits at piano). Oh, yes. I've decided on this. (Sings first stanza of " A Life Lesson," somewhat out of tune and ending in a discord. Hez. howls like a dog.) Mrs. S. Hezekiah Doolittle, shet up. Hez. But Mrs. S. {loudly). Shet up. Hez. I'm shet. {Shuts his mouth with his hands.) Bel. But I'm going to sing that song myself. {Starts to sing first verse. Sal. starts second verse at the same time. They sing two lines then stop and glare at each other.) It's my song. Sal. It hain't either. It's my song. It brings out my voice so good. Hez. You don't want nothin' to bring out your voice. You want sump'm to shut it in. Bel. and Sal. {sing together). There, little girl, don't cry. Sal. You hush up. Bel. I won't. I'm goin' to sing it. Keep still and learn how it orter be sung. Bel. and Sal. {sing). There, little girl, don't cry {They stop and glare at each other.) Hez. (sings). There, little girl, don't ciy. Sal. (takes music from piano, comes to front, opens music and starts to sing). There, little girl, don't cry. Bel. (grabs music). That's my music. (They struggle for music. They slap one another and tear at each other's hair.) 1 8 THE BliANIOVVN CHOIR Hez. Hit her in the eye. Sic 'em, Fritz. Give her an upper cut. (Sal. and Bel. continue to fight, screaming, "Give it to me,' " I'll show you," etc. Hez. claps his hands and goads them on. Other ladies are very much ex- cited and try to stop them.) Sam. Hit her hard, hit her hard. We hain't had as much fun since the circus. Mrs. S. Ladies! Ladies! {Pulls Sal. to l., where she sinks in chair.) Tess. Ain't you 'shamed ? (Ptdls Bel. to r., where she sinks in chair.) Sal. (weeping loudly). Oh, such a disgrace! I never was treated so before. Oh, oh ! (Cries loudly.) Hez. (go^s to her and sings very much out of tune). There, Httle girl, don't cry. (She jumps at him and pulls his hair and chases him around the room.) Sal. I'll show you. Hez. You don't have to show me nothin*. Mrs. S. I think you'd better kiss and make up. The idea of you two fighting. Kiss and make up. Will you, Sallie Etta Pickle? Sal. Yes, I will. Hez. Well, I won't. I ain't goin' to 'low no female lady kiss me no time and no place, no siree. Mrs. S. I wasn't referring to you, Hezekiah Doolittle. You get out of here. Hez. (at door, l.). I'm a-goin', 'cause I ain't goin* to let nobody kiss me. ^ Sal. (throws sofa cushion at him). I'd just as leave kiss a snake. Hez. Well, I'd ruther have you kiss a snake. (Sings loudly.) There, little girl, don't cry. [Exit, L. Mrs. S. Now, Belinda, hain't you sorry? Bel. Yes, I am. I haven't nothin' agin Sallie Etta. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR IQ Sal. No, ner I ain't got nothin* agin Belinda. I al- ways did like her. Bel. {crosses to c). She's a better singer than I am anyway. Sal. {meets her at c). No, I hain't. Bel. Yes, you are. Sal, I hain't. Bel. You are ! Sal. {waves arms). You are, you are, you know you are. When I say you are it's so. Bel. {waves arms). I ain't, I ain't, I know I hain't. You've been singin' longer than me. Sal. {speaking rapidly to Bel., who is speaking to her at the same time). Now, Belinda Snix, you're a nice gal and a good singer and I've decided that I don't want to sing '' There, Little Girl, Don't Cry " anyhow. You kin take the low notes better than I kin and you've had more city trainin'. If you want to sing that song you go ahead and sing it. I guess there's plenty of other songs I kin sing. It hain't suited much to my register nohow and I believe I'd ruther sing a funny song, anyhow. Bel. {speaking rapidly to Sal., who is speaking the speech above at same time). Now, Sallie Etta Pickle, I'm goin' to give in to you, 'cause you're older than I am and I ain't sure I want to sing " There, Little Girl, Don't Cry " anyhow. If you want that piece, why take it. Far be it from me from causin' a disturbance right in church and under the preacher's very nose, you might say. If you want to sing the song, go ahead and sing it. You allers like to take high notes so as to show off your ca- denzas and sich, so I won't offer no objections. I'd ruther sing a funny song, anyhow. Sal. So you can sing it if you want to. Bel. I won't. Sal. You will. {Waves arms at her.) Bel. I say I won't. {Same business.) Mrs. S. Order, ladies, order. Sit down. Belinda, you sit down. And likewise you, Sallie Etta. Come to order. We've got to proceed with the proceedings. All stand up and git ready to tackle the Hallelujah Chorus. 20 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR Man. We can't sing that; there aren't any tenors or basses here. Mrs. S. Well, we'll have to have another rehearsal, that's plain. 'The widder has invited us all here to- morrow for a little donation party for the minister and we can have our last rehearsal then. Tell everybody to be here and remember we are to give the concert to-mor- row night. Belinda, have you decided what you want to sing ? Bel. I hain't goin' to sing at all. If Sallie Etta Pickle wants to sing " There, Little Girl, Don't Cry," let her go ahead and sing it. I'll jest join in the choruses. Sal. I'm going to sing " Polly Wolly Doodle," that'll make a bigger hit with the audience. Mrs. S. Well, somebody's got to sing " There, Little Girl." It's printed on the programs. Bel. I won't do it. Sal. Neither will I. Mrs. S. Who will then? Who'll be good enough to volunteer ? Speak up, who will save the day ? (Hez. slides in from r., extends right arm, dramatically poses at c.) Hez. I will! Others. You ! Hez. Yes, I. (Dramatically.) We will fight it out along these lines if it takes all summer. A little music. (Tess. plays introduction to "A Life Lesson.") Here I go. {Sings decidedly out of tune.) There, little girl, don't cry, they have broken your doll I know. {All howl, hiss and give cat imitations.) Ain't that good? Mrs. S. Decidedly not. Hez. Didn't I have the right pitch ? Gran. Hay ? ^ Hez. I had the right pitch. ( Yells. ) I had the right pitch. ^ Gran. Pitch ? Pitch ? It sounded to me like turpen- time. Bird, (at L.). Here comes the widder. (All look to L.) Enter Wid. from l., wearing long trailing dress trimmed THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 2t all around with gaudy artificial flowers and cheap white lace. Large head-dress of feathers. She car- ries a big bouquet of sunflowers, weeds and tree boughs. WiD. Here I be. I hope I didn't keep you a-waitin'. All. Oh, no. Shi., {falsetto voice). Not at all. Hez. {imitates her). Not at all. WiD. I want to make a little speech. {All sit, except WiD.) Ladies {ladies all rise and make curtseys to her) and gentlemen. (Hez. rises and curtseys to her. All ladies sit down as soon as they curtsey.) But I see we have no gentlemen present. Hez. {sinks in seat). Good-night, Hezekiah. WiD. I invited the choir to be present here this after- noon for their rehearsal in order to spring a little surprise. Hez. We're goin' to have ice-cream. WiD. You hush up. To-morrow afternoon I will again entertain in my most lavish fashion with a donation party for the minister. Hez. Hurrah ! WiD. But it is befitten that the choir shall see the sur- prise first of all. Before proceedin' any further with the proceedings I will recite a little original poem that I wrote all my own self, having made it out of my own head. Hez. It's a bird. WiD. I have called it " Lines of Memorials to Brother Botts." He was the Beantown Choir Director fer over thirty years. And now he's gone we'll shed some tears. We'll shed some tears for my dear brother, Who allers was doing something or other. We'll sit and weep and sit and weep and sit and weep some more. For Brother Botts, dear Brother Botts, has went to the other shore. ( Cries. ) Oh, it's so sad. I jest can't go on. Fm so emotional. I jest emote at any little thing. (Weeps.) 21 THE BEAKTOWM CHOIR Hez. (sings). There, little girl, don't cry, they have broken your All. Hezekiah Doolittle, you hush up. Mrs. S. Go on with your reading, Widder. It's lovely. WiD. My Brother Botts was the best of brothers, ^ He never gave no trouble to his father or his mothers, He directed the choir fer thirty years. So, fellow-members, give him your tears. In his memory I have called this meeting here, So that you and me can shed a tear. He was a good man every one knows. And handsome, too, except for the mole on his nose. Three years ago he crossed the river. And all alone we're left to shiver, This meeting to-day is in memory of my brother. Oh, where, oh where, can I find another? (Makes a low bow and sits down. Ladies all applaud.) Mrs. S. Little Samantha Sniggins and Hezekiah Doo- little will now flavor us with a duet entitled " Little Drops of Water." (Funny burlesque infant specialty introduced.) WiD. (rises). Ladies and gentlemen, now has come the time fer the surprise. I have had a memorial made to Brother Botts. It's behind them chenille curtains and consists of a life-size crayon portrait in a frame and easel. Tessie, you play " We Shall Meet But We Shall Miss Him " and everybody sing it, then at the beginning of the second verse, Mrs. Scales, you slowly draw the cur- tains and unveil the memorial. All (sing). THE VACANT CHAIR We shall meet, but we shall miss him, There will be one vacant chair. We shall linger to caress him, While we breathe our evening prayer. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 2^ When a year ago we gathered Joy was in his bright blue eye. But the golden cord is severed, And our hopes in ruin lie. We shall meet, but we shall miss him, There will be one vacant chair, We shall linger to caress him, When we breathe our evening prayer. (WiD. sinks sobbing in seat. Mrs. S. stands by por- tieres.) At our fireside sad and lonely, Often will the bosom swell (Mrs. S. has drazvn the curtains disclosing a skeleton or a grotesque dummy or scarecrow. Let all stand back so audience may see it. The skeleton or dummy raises its hand and points at Wid. This effect is Worked by a concealed string.) Wid. (gives a wild shriek). That ain't him. Aw, aw ! (Sobs wildly.) Hez. (goes to her, pats her hands to restore her and sings loudly). There, little girl, don't cry, don't cry. There, little girl, don't cry. QUICK CURTAIN Second Picture. — Wid. seated at c. spanking Hez., who is turned over her knee, she using a slip- per. Hez. yells and all the ladies laugh and sing loudly, " There, little girl, don't cry; don't cry. There, little girl, don't cry!") CURTAIN ACT II SCENE. — Same as Act I. The next morning. (At the rise of the curtain the Wid. enters from l., crosses to R. and calls.) Wid. Beth! {Louder.) Beth! Beth Wood, you march down here this minute. Beth {outside, at r.). I'm coming. Wid. Well, don't be all day about it. I'm upsot all over and I'm mad clean through. You'd better hurry up, if you know what's good fer you. Enter Beth from r. Beth. What is it? Wid. What I want to know is this — what are you packing your trunk for? Beth. I'm going away. Wid. Oh, you are, are you ? What for ? Beth. Because I'm going to accept another position. I can't live here any longer. I do everything I can to please you, but it isn't any use. I work hard and never have any fun. You won't allow me to go anywhere or see any one, and we can't get along. You don't like me and so — so I'm going away. Wid. Wall, I never ! You want to go and leave a good home and work for strangers. They won't treat you with the loving kindness you git here. There hain't many stepmothers as good as me. You have nice clothes and good things to eat and a nice house — what more do you want ? Beth. There's no use arguing any more about it. I've made up my mind and I'm going to leave. Wid. I dunno as I'll let you. Beth. I'm of age, Mrs. Wood, and I can do as I please. 24 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 2^ WiD. That's right, leave me right in the midst of my trials and tribberlations. Ain't I got enough on my hands now with that creature Hezekiah Doolittle disgracing me before all Beantown? He's packing too and there's all the work to do with the donation party to-day and every- thing. Beth. I'm not leaving until this evening. WiD. Wall, I can't force you to stay, but I'll say this, you hain't treating me right — after all I've did for you. Go in the kitchen and make some lemonade. Beth. Very well. I'll help you all I can to-day. (Crosses to l.) WiD. Then I don't want nothin' more to do with you. You can go if you like, and good riddance. I think I'll go to boardin' and rent out this house. They say there's some perfectly lovely men at the hotel. You answer the door, Beth, if any o*f the choir comes. Tell 'em I'll be down jest as soon as I make my proper preparations. [Exit, R. Enter Hez. from l. Hez. Havin' a scrap with the old lady? Beth. I told her I was going to leave. Hez. She told me I had to leave. Like to walloped the life clean outen me, too. Jest because I wanted to give the Beantown choir a little surprise. I never hurt her old picture none. I jest carried it up in the attic and put old Mr. Bones in its place. (Laughs.) Gosh, wasn't they skeerd? Beth. You shouldn't be such a bad boy, Hezekiah. Hez. It says in the Scriptures that you can't make a silk purse outen a sow's ear, Bethy, so I'm goin' to git me a job in the rollin' mill with the rest of the roUin' stones and marry big fat Hepsy Tiller and let her take in washin* f er me. You know Hepsy, don't you ? I been lovin' that gal nigh onto three years now. Big fat gal lives over to Epsom Saltsville. Weighs purt' nigh three hundred pounds, but she's got a lovin' disposition and eighty dol- lars in the bank. Yep, I think I'll git married to Hepsy, Beth. So you are leaving to-day, are you? :?6 THE BEAKTOWN CHOIR Hez. Yep. Got my valise all packed with my other suit of clothes and a red necktie and I*m ready to face the world. Beth. I wish you well, Hezekiah. Hez. Yep, I know you do. You're a good little gal, Bethy, and ef big fat Hepsy Tiller didn't have eighty dol- lars in the bank I'd marry you. But a feller's got to look out fer himself. You see how it is that I can't marry you, don't you? Beth (smiles). Oh, that's all right, Hezekiah. Hez. You see I been lovin' Hepsy purt' nigh onto three years now and sparkin' her off and on durin' that time. It 'ud kinda hurt Hepsy ef I'd up and marry any one else now. Hepsy weighs three hundred pounds, but she's got feelings jest like any one else. Beth. Then I wouldn't think of depriving her of you, Hezekiah. Hez. Oh, it wouldn't be much depravity, Bethy. Beth. I've got to make the lemonade for the donation party. . [Exit, l. Hez. Lemonade, hay? That's the one thing I like about this house. They're allers havin' things to eat. I'm fired and my trunk is packed and I'm goin' to leave, but — believe me — I'm goin' to eat first. (Sits at piano and takes, music down and reads title of song.) " A Life Lesson." (Opens it.) I wonder ef I could sing that. (Plays in a burlesque fashion and sings three or four lines. ) WiD. (outside at r.). Hezekiah Doolittle, you leave my piano alone. I got the toothache. Hez. Hay? WiD. (outside). You pack up and git out o' my house. I got the toothache. Hez. All right. (Finds letter hidden by Beth in Act I.) I wonder what this is? (Reads laboriously.) " My dear Elizabeth " — Some one's a-writin' to the wid- der. ** I love you better than anything on earth " — well, who'd 'a' thunk it? Stumbling grasshoppers, the wid- der's got a beau ! " You are the only woman in the whole THE BEANTOWN CHOIR I'J world who could make my (spells) h-a-p, hap, p-i, pie, n-e-double-s, ness, happiness, c-o-m, com, p-1-e-t-e, plete, complete." Ain't that mushy? I wonder who writ a love-letter to the widder. (Reads.) " Your own Richard Manly." The preacher. Wall, I wanter know. I thought he was a-makin' eyes at Bethy and now he's writin' to the widder. No, he hain't. This is to Bethy and he calls her by her maiden name Elizabeth. (Laughs.) I thought they wouldn't no one be writin' to the widder like that. Enter Wid. from r., her face tied up. WiD. Hezekiah Doolittle, ain't you ^one yet ? Hez. Yep, I'm gone. I'm about seven miles down the road now hoein' turnips in the punkin patch. Wid. (sinks in chair). You hush up that foolishness and gjt out o' this house. I got the toothache like every- thing and ain't got no time to be bothered with you. What you got there ? Hez. (hides letter behind him). Nothin'. Wid. You have too. Lemme see what's in your hand. Hez. (shows left hand empty). Hain't got nothin'. Wid. Lemme see your other hand. Hez. (puts letter in left hand behind back and shows right hand). See? Wid. Lemme see both hands. It's a letter. Who's it fer? Hez. You. Wid. Why didn't you give it to me ? Hez. He told me you'd gimme a five cent nickel fer it. Wid. He? Who? Hez. The minister, Wid. Did the minister write a lettfer to me ? Hez. Yep, and it's a love-letter, too. Wid. 'Tain't neither. Hez. 'Tis, too. He says he loves you better'n any- thing on earth. Wid. Did you read it ? Hez. Nope, he jest made his mouth go when he was a-writin' it and I sensed what he was puttin' in it. Wid. Give it to me. 28 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR Hez. Gimme that five-cent nickel. WiD. There. {Gives him coin.) Hez. There. {Gives her the letter.) WiD. Now you hurry down to the store and git me twenty-five cents' worth of laudalum fer the toothache. Hez. Gimme the money. WiD. I don't trust you. TeU Hiram Boggs to charge it, and hurry up. {Groans.) This tooth is Hke to pes- terin me to death. Hez. Gimme a string and I'U pull it out fer you. I'd be pleased to do it. WiD. Yes, I suppose you would. But I ain't goin' to let you. Now hurry up and git me ihat laudalum. Hez. I'm goin', ain't I ? WiD. Yes, about as slow as a worm with the rheuma- tism. Hurry up. {Starts to him.) Hez. {rushes out r.) . I'm gone. [Exit, r. WiD. {puts on spectacles and reads the letter). " My dear Elizabeth, I love you better than anything on earth and I feel that you are the only woman in the whr;le world who could make my happiness complete." {Speaks.) The dear boy, and I never dreamed he was smit with my charms at all. {Reads.) "True I li:-ve known you but a short time, but who could know you without loving you, the dearest, sweetest little woman on earth." {Speaks.) He's got real good sense, even if he is a minister. {Reads.) " I want to marry you at once as life is a dreary aching void without you." {Speaks.) That's just the way I feel ! Oh, Richard, Richard, I'm yours. {Reads.) "May I hope? To-morrow night is the concert given by the choir to celebrate the close of my second year in Beantown. Why could we not arise after the concert and have Brother Layman, the presiding elder, unite us in the holy bonds of matrimony ? " {Speaks.) How lovely, how awful lovely. I'll do it. Be still, my little fluttering heart, be still. Oh, Richard, Richard! {Reads.) "I shall, return from my country visitations late to-night ; if you consent to my plan put a pot of blooming geraniums on the gate-post and make me the happiest man in the world." (Speaks. ) It's too late, THE BI-ANTOWN CHOIR 29 it's too late. I, didn't get the letter in time to put tlu flowers on the post. {Looks out.) Why, there they are. Seated on the gate-post just like he says. I suppose Hezekiah put them there. Ain't that fate? I thought I'd lost him, but he's mine — he's mine. (Reads.) " Let us keep our plans a secret until the ceremony, and believe me, sincerely and devotedly your own Richard Manly." Wall, I never. Who'd 'a' thunk it? Him in love with me. And he's selected me to be his bloomin', blushin' bride. Won't Sallie Etta Pickle have a fit when she sees us git married? (Suddenly.) Oh, my tooth, my tooth. Bethy ! Enter Beth from l. Beth. Yes? WiD. I'm sorry I was a little cross to you, Bethy, but I've been so troubled with this tooth that I hardly know what my name is. I'm goin' up-stairs and try to cure it. I dunno as I'll be able to see the ladies at the donation party, but you make my excuses and give them cookies and lemonade. Tell 'em I'm sick with a bad tooth. Beth. Then you're not going to the concert to-night? WiD. Going? You bet I am. I'm going to spring the surprise of the evening at the concert to-night. Oh, my tooth ! It jumps up and down jest like a human being. Tell Hezekiah to bring that laudalum right up to my room. And hurry him up, he's slower'n the seven-year itch. [Exit, R. Enter Sam. from l. Sam. I just came in the back door. Maw sent over a bag of potatoes fer the minister's donation and I dumped 'em down in the kitchen. Beth. That's quite a nice present, Samantha. Sam. Aw, I dunno. We got more'n we kin use er sell and Uncle Jake said to give 'em to the preacher. This has been a big year fer potatoes in Beantown. Ain't the choir going to practice here to-day ? Beth. Yes. They'll be here presently. Sam. Say, Bethy, is the widder goin' to unveil an^ more ghosts fer us this afternoon ? 30 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR Beth. Wasn't one enough ? Sam. It was too much for Grandma w. When that hand moved she hke to had a conniption fit. She told me she thought it was Brother Botts himself come to the choir rehearsal like he used to twenty years ago. Beth. It was only a joke of Hezekiah's. Sam. Hez is an awful bad boy, ain't he, Bethy? Beth. He's rather mischievous, but he has a good heart. Sam. And an awful appetite. He et eleven ham sandwiches and a hull apple pie at the Sunday-school pic- nic. He kin eat more'n any man in town 'ceptin' {Insert the name of some prominent man.) (Knock on door at r. Beth opens it, admitting Bird.) Bird, (who carries a stuffed flour-sack). Where'll I put these potatoes ? It's my donation for the minister. Enter Sal. and Tess. from r., carrying baskets. Sal. Ain't it funny ? Tessie Tooms and I both brung the same thing fer the donation. Potatoes fer the min- ister. I wanted to bring a chocolate cake, him being so fond of cake and such like, but Paw said now was a chance to git rid of some of our potatoes, so I carried 'em along. Tess. And everybody likes potatoes. Enter Gran, from r., followed by Bel. and Mrs. S. Mrs. S. We've all brought the same thing. Potatoes. I took 'em around to the back porch. Sam. Say, don't you think the preacher wants nothin* else to eat except potatoes ? Beth. Just bring your potatoes out here. (Goes out, L., followed by Bird., Sal. and Tess.) Mrs. S. As usual there ain't none of the men here at choir rehearsal. I dunno what's going to happen at the concert to-night. It'll be a failure as sure as my name is Scales. Bel. Listen. I hear some one tunin' up. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR ^^^1 (Male Quartet heard singing off stage. Af end of first verse they enter and sing second verse on the stage. All applaud. Bird., Sal., Tess. and Beth enter from l.) Mrs. S. Mr. Boomer, I don't see your wife here. And she wasn't here yesterday. Bill {one of the quartet). No'm, she hain't here. She had an accident happen to her Monday morning. All. She did? Gran. What say? Bill. I said my wife had an accident happen to her. {Yells.) Accident! Gran. Yes, we got in all our hay jest in time. Tess. What happened to your wife, Bill? Bill. She was openin' a can of corn and she cut her- self right bad. Sal. She did? Where? Bill. What say? Sal. I said where did she cut herself? Bill. In the pantry right close to the bread-box. And she hain't been feelin' real well since. Mrs. S. Sallie, you might try " Polly Wolly Doodle." (Sal. sings "Polly Wolly" song, others joining in chorus. Note: Put plenty of action in this song, singing fast, patting hands, tzmrling around and making ges- tures.) Now, Bill, we want your bass solo. Bill. Aw, I can't sing no bass solo. Mrs. S. Yes, you can, too. Jest as natural as life. Stand up here. Bill. Aw, I'm too bashful. Everybody's lookin' at me. Mrs. S. I guess that hain't goin' to hurt you none. Come on now. Give him the chord, Tessie. {Solo by Bill.) Bel. Say, didn't you men bring nothin' fer the dona- tion party? Bill. Sure, we did. We all jined in together and brung a cart full of potatoes. Ladies. Potatoes ? oit The beantown choir Bill.- We thought nobody else would ever think of potatoes. Beth. Now if you will all walk into the dining-room you'll find a little lunch all ready for you. Sam. And believe me, I'm ready fer the lunch. {Runs out at l.) Gran. What did she say, Belindy ? Bel. (who is seated near Gran.). She said to come in to lunch. (Yells.) Lunch! Gran. Punch ? Who, me ? No, I never drink nothin' stronger'n ice-tea and I'm goin' on eighty-three. (Several people exeunt at l.) Mrs. S. Where's the widder? Beth. She's suffering with the toothache and asked to be excused. Gran. What say? Beth. I said Mrs. Wood was suffering with tooth- ache. (Loudly.) Toothache. Gran. Oh, yes, I like cake. Of course I do. But I'm surprised at your a-havin' punch. Where's the wid- der? Beth. Up-stairs. She's not feeling well. Gran. Yes, I shouldn't wonder ef it would rain a spell. But what I asked you was where is the widder ? Bel. (yells). She's sick. Gran. Don't yell at me. I kin hear jest as good as any one when folks don't mumble their words. Bel. That's nice. Gran. What say ? Bel. I said that was nice. Nice ! Gran, (horrified). She has? Well, hain't that aw-1 f ul ? I wonder where she caught 'em. Tell her she orter rub some turpentime in her head. I allers heerd that was a sure cure. (All go out at l.) Enter Wid. from r. WiD. ^ Oh, oh, this toothache is about to kill me. ' (Sinks in chair and groans.) I wonder what's become of THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 33 Hezekiah. I£ I don't git some relief I'll ache my head off — and I'm to be married to-night at nine o'clock. Married to the minister. Won't I make the old maids in Bcan'LO\yn walk chalk? I'll let 'em know that I'm the boss of the town. Sallie Etta Pickle's been throwin* sheep's eyes at the minister fer nearly two years, but I'll settle her. I got a good notion to tell Bethy. She thinks the minister was after her. {Giggles.) When it was me he wanted all the time. It's a good thing she's goin' to git a position in the city. It'll ease her broken heart when she learns that her stepmaw has caught her beau. Owch ! Oh, my tooth, my tooth ! Enter Hez. from r. Hez. Say, I wasn't sure what you sent me after. Was it Epsom salts, codliver oil er laudalum? WiD. Laudalum. And me most dyin' with the tooth- ache. Hez. Laudalum ? WiD. Yes. Ain't that what they give fer toothache? Didn't you bring it? Hez. Yep. I brung It. (Gives her small phial.) There it is. WiD. Oh, oh ! My tooth's shootin' like sixty. How do you take it ? Hez. How do I know ? I never took none. WiD. Neither did I. Hez. Wall, I suppose you jes' swaller it down. (Wid. swallows some, then gives a loud shriek and falls back in chair.) Sufferin' seeds of punkins, she's committed su- sancide. Wid. (yells). Aw, oh, oh ! (All rush in from, l.) Beth. What is it ? Hez. She's killed. The widder's killed. Beth (runs to her). What is it? (All surround her, fanning her, etc.) WiD. I swallered some toothache medicine. ^4 THE BEANTOVVN CHOIR Mrs. S. What kind? WiD. Laudalum! {Hands her the bottle.) Mrs. S. But you should have rubbed it on your tooth, not taken it internally. WiD. Oh, I took it infernally, I took it infernally. Sal. Not infernally, internally. WiD. What's the difference? Sal. Infernally means the lower regions. WiD. Wall, that's where it's hurtin' me, in the lower regions. Beth. Hezekiah, run for the doctor. Run ! Run ! Hez. {runs /or.). I'll run. Jest like a velocipede. [Exit, R. Mrs. S. You got to keep her moving. If she goes to sleep it's all over. WiD. {sleepily). I want to go to bed. Sal. You can't go to bed. You've got to stay awake. WiD. What for? Sal. If you go to sleep you'll never wake up. {Grabs her.) Get up. WiD. {drozvsily). I can't get up. Mrs. S. {forces her to her feet). You've got to walk it off. Sal. Make her arms go up and down to keep up the circulation. {They zvalk her around the stage, pumping her arms up and down.) WiD. Oh, I can't, I can't. {She sinks dozvn.) Bel. Grab her. Don't let her rest. Hurry. Make her run. {They run her around.) Mrs. S. {to men). Here, you take her. I'm all tuck- ered out. ( Men run Wid. around, she screaming. ) WiD. Lemme alone. Let me die in peace. {Sleepy.) I want to go to bed. Gran. Throw some water on her. Samanthy, git some water; [Sam. exits, L.; THE BEANTOWN CHOIR 35 Bel. Make her arms go up and down. Keep up the circulation. {They obey.) Now trot her around. (They trot her around stage. She finally sinks in a chair. ) Enter Sam. with big dipper of water. Sam. Here's the water. (Throws it all over Wid.) WiD. Oh, I'm dead, Vm dead. You've drownded me. Now I'll never git to marry the minister. QUICK CURTAIN ACT III SCENE,— The same. Enter Tess. and Mrs. S. frojii r., follozved by Beth. Tess. What I can't understand is why the concert is to be given here at your house instead of in the church. Mrs. S. The minister wanted it that way and he sent Hezekiah over to the church to tell all the people to come over here. That's all I know about it. Beth. I have everything arranged for the tableaux (points to the audience) and the folks can sit out there. Tess. There must be some other reason. Beth. There is. I can't keep it secret any longer. As soon as the concert is over we are to have a wedding. Mrs. S. (very much surprised). A wedding? Tess. Who's going to be married? Beth. The minister. Mrs. S. For the land sakes. Who to ? Beth. To me. Tess. {astounded). Well! Mrs. S. For the land sakes ! Tess. (kisses Beth). I'm awfully glad. I wish you all the luck in the world. Mr. Manly is perfectly lovely. Mrs. S. (kisses Beth). Indeed he is. I congratu- late you both and wish you many happy returns of the day. Tess. Many happy returns ? Mrs. S. No, I don't mean that. This news has got me so kerflummixed I dunno what I do mean. Tess. Does the widder know about it? Beth. Not yet. She's still asleep. The doctor says she'll probably sleep all night and will be sick to-morrow morning, but after that she'll be all right. (Hez. and Sam. enter audience from hack and take a seat in the front row.) 36 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR -1 Mrs. S. Ifs time to start the concert. See, most everybody IS here. Tessie, take your place at the piano. {\:>v:ui exits at r. Mrs. S. comes to front and addresses the audience.) Ladies and gentlemen, in behalf of the Society permit me to welcome you. The Bean- town choir will try and entertain you widi some old-time songs and pictures of the long ago. We thank you for your attendance and expect you to applaud right liberally Don t set there like a flock of geese grinnin' your heads oil, but enter into the spirit of the occasion, clap your hands and enjoy yourself. And we're goin' to spring a big surprise on you after the final number. The first number on our program is a piano solo by our gifted and talented musician, Miss Tessie Tooms, who pianns and organs jest lovely. She will play for your edification {Insert the name of the piece.) (Tess. bows lozv to audience and plays a piano solo. :^oniethmg short and popidar. Dvorak's " Hu- nwresque" is recommended. During the playing Mrs. S. leaves the stage. At the end of the piano solo there is a short pause, followed by the '' Jedediah" number without any introduction.) COUSIN JEDEDIAH Comedy Song for Double Quartet Jacob and Obed, tenors. John and Josh, basses. Kitty and Jerusha, sopranos. SuKEY and Mandy, altos. (The^ part of the chorus beginning " OK won't we have a jolly time is played on the piano, repeatinq it as many times ^ as necessary. Jacob and Kitty skip in TroniR. in time to music, meeting Obed and Terusha who have skipped in from l. They join hands and circle four at rear, as John and Sukey skip in from R. meeting Josh and Mandy, who have skipped in 38 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR from L. All ship hi couples once around the stage and then line up facing front in a semicircle. The music continues zvhile Kitty and ]er\jsiia pidl Jacob to the front, the others bending knees on every eighth beat. All point to Jacob as they sing.) Oh, Jacob, git the cows home And put them in the pen — (Jacob nods.) For the cousins all are coming To see us all again. (Form in couples, facing partners, shake forefingers at partners. ) Mandy, peei the taters, Put the turkey on the fire, (Form semicircle, clasp hands and march to front eight abreast.) For we all must get ready For Cousin Jedediah. (Basses close nostrils with thumb and forefinger as they sing.) Cousin Jedediah! ( Tenors count one on fingers. ) There's Hezekiah ! (Altos count tzvo.) And Azariah ! (Sopranos count three.) And Aunt Sophia ! ( Basses count four. ) And Jedediah ! (All throw hands up in horror, shake heads dolefully and sing slowly.) All coming here to tea. (All join hands forming circle, skip around and sing.) Oh, won't we have a jolly time, Oh, won't we have a jolly time! Jerusha, put the kettle on, We'll all take tea. THE BEANTOWN CHOIR -,g (Form semicircle facing front, John and Josii, Jacob ajid Obed, Kitty and Jerusha, Sukey and Mandy. Jacob shoves Obed to front, where he stands acting like a hashfid lirtle boy. Others sing.) Now, Obed, wash your face, boy. And tallow up your shoes, We're goin' to see Aunt Betty And tell her all the news. (Obed pulls And Kitty, slick your hair up, Kitty to front.) Put on your yaller gown. For Cousin Jedediah comes Right from Boston Town. ( John and Josh bend knees and sing. ) Cousin Jedediah ! (Jacob and Obed stand on tiptoes. ) There's Hezekiah ! (SvKEY and Mandy bend knees.) AndAzariah! (Kitty and Jerusha stand on tiptoes. ) And' Aunt Sophia ! (All sing dole f idly. ) All coming here to tea. (They form circle and skip as before.) Oh, won't we have a jolly time. Oh, won't we have a jolly time ! Jerusha, put the kettle on. We'll all take tea. (Mandy leads Sukey down front by the ear, others in line half-zvay back. Mandy sings solo.) Now, Sukey, peel the onions. And scald the ripe tomaters ! (Kitty leads Jerusha dozvn by ear and sings.) Jerusha, git a hitchin' post To beat the mashed potaters. (Jacob leads Obed dozmi by ear and sings.) Now, Obed, smile your prettiest, And don't begin to cry. And all the gals'll kiss you In the sweet by and by. 40 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR (All stand in line at rear facing front, John and Josh move to front and sing.) Cousin Jedediah ! (Bend knees in time to music. ) '{Tenors joint asses There's Hezekiah ! (Men bend knees in in front. ) time to music. ) '(Altos come down AndAzariah! (Bend knees with to men.) others.) (Sopranos come And Aunt Sophia! (Bend knees.) down. ) (Basses.) And Jedediah. (All sing slowly, bending knees as far as possible.) All coming here to tea. (All give a sudden jump high in air, join hands, circle and sing as before.) Oh, won't we have a jolly time, Oh, won't we have a jolly time ! Jerusha, put the kettle on, We'll all take tea. (All skip out ai l., repeating chorus.) Enter Mrs. S. She conies to l. front and announces. Mrs. S. Our next number is that love song of con- stancy and a life's devotion, " When You and I Were Young." (The lights are dimmed or extinguished, the rear curtains open and show Grandmaw and Tenor Singer dressed like an old man. Bright spotlights or auto headlights ore thrown from the sides on the tahleaii. The Old Man takes Grandmaw's hand and sings the three stancas to her with deep feeling. The characters may move during the song. At the conclusion of the number the curtains shielding the small platform at rear are drawn, hiding the platform. The Jedediah boys and girls come in and sit at r. and l., being careftd not to hide the rear platform.) " Juanita," that Spanish love-song of years ago, will recall sweet memories to the old and young alike. The Beantown choir will sing " Juanita." THE BEANTOWN CHOIR ^ I (The choir sings the first stan.za and chorus cf " Juaniia,'* On the words, " Nita, Juanita," the tableau curtain is drazvn, disclosing Birdie posing in Spanish costume. She sings the second stanza as a solo.) Bird. When in my dreaming moons like these shall shine again, And daylight beaming prove my dreams are vain, Will I then, relenting, for my absent lover sigh ? In my heart consenting to a prayer gone by ? {All sing the chorus softly as the curtains fall.) Mrs. S. The choir will now render " The Quilting Party." (Choir sings first stanza of "The Quilting Party." At the beginning of the chorus the tableau of Country Boy and Country Girl in old-time summer cos- tumes is shozvn. He sings the second and third stanzas as a solo, the choir joining in the chorus. The curtains fall.) Mr. Bill Boomer, our celebrated basso-prof undo, will now render a rendition of " Old Black Joe," and everybody here present, man, woman and child, is re- quested and expected to join in the chorus. Don't be bashful, have a good time and sing! (Tableau curtains rise showing Bill dressed as an aged darkey. He sings " Old Black Joe " and all join in the chorus.) The next number on our program is a recitation by little Samantha Sniggins. Little Samantha ain't but seven years old and has never appeared in public before, so you must excuse mistakes. (Samantha comes forward from her seat in the audi- ence, makes a bow and recites. ) Sam. Yesterday I asked ma fer a penny. " You're too big to be asking fer pennies," says she. " Den gimme a quarter," says I, but she turned me down and den she turned me over and said dat she hoped I would see the error of my ways, but all I could see was the pattern on the carpet. She said dat when she whipped me it hurt 42 THE BEANTOWN CHOIR her more dan it did me, but I was ready to bet dat it didn't hurt her in the same place. (Give childish laugh.) Dis mornin' the teacher give us our first lesson in sub- traction. She said : " T'ings can only be subtracted from each other if dey are of the same denomination." She says dat we couldn't take three apples from four pears, ner six bosses from nine dogs. When she was t'rough explainin' I held up my hand and says, " Say, teacher, can't you take four quarts of milk from three cows ? " (Cnildish laugh.) De odder day we had to write a com- position. We couldn't ask our papas or our mammas for help, the teacher said, but just to write what was in us ourselves. I writ, " In me there is me stummick, lungs, liver, heart, two apples, a stick of lemon candy and my dinner. That's all." (Laugh.) My little brother is jest learnin' his A-B-Cs. He got up as fur as the letter G and then he was stuck. " What comes after G, Tommy ? " says the teacher. " Oh, I know," . he says. " G-whizz. Whizz comes after G." (Laughs.) My thidier's got a beau. His name's . (Insert local name.) I asked her if she ever kithed him. She said thertainly not, that thee only kithed her kith and kin. One time I was hidin' under the sofy and I heard him say kin he kith her, and she said that he kin. That makes it kith and kin. Then I heard a smack, jest that-away. (Imitates.) It sounded like a cow drawin' his foot out of a mud-hole, all squshy like that. Dat's all I know. (Bows and takes her place in the audience.) Mrs. S. The choir will now render that old favorite, "Jingle Bells." (Choir sings first verse of "Jingle Bells " and chorus. Curtains are drazvn showing Boy and Girl seated in sleigh. Bells jingle. Snozv falls. He is driving and the sleigh is so arranged that the horses seem to he just outside the curtain. Invisible hands make ,^ the sleigh hack, etc. Choir sings entire song while hoy ^. and girl act out their parts.) Miss Beth Wood will now "' sing "The Last Rose of Summer." (Beth appears on tableau stage in summer dress and hat, carrying large crimson rose. She sings entire song, scattering petals, etc. Curtains fall. ) The choir will now sing the oratoric THE BEANTOWN CHOIR -^.'o selection, " Sound the Loud Timbrel ! '' {Choir comes to front of stage and sings the song. No tableau here.) Miss Mandy Hamslinger, our beautiful and gifted so- pranno, will now favor us with "Annie Laurie." ( Mandy appears on tableau stage in Scotch costume. She sings "Annie Laurie.") The final number of our concert is "Auld Lang Syne," sung by everybody here present. After that the curtains will fall fer a minute, but keep your seats and don't git nervous, fer the best is yet to come. (All sing *'Auld Lang Syne '* and then the front cur- tains fall.) CURTAIN SCENE IL — The curtains rise showing wedding tableau.: Beth and the young minister stand facing the presid- ing elder. Boy and Girl stand with them as at- tendants. Soft music. Elder. I then pronounce you man and wife. Enter Wip. from r. She stares at them. She wears wedding clothes and has red flannel bandage on face. WiD. Stop 'em, stop 'em ! Don't let him marry her. I m the bride, I am. It's my wedding. Beth Wood, you let my minister alone. He's going to marry me. Beth. I'm afraid you are too late, Mrs. Wood. We are already married. WiD. {goes to minister). Oh, you villain, you im- postor, you trifler, you hypocrite ; you writ me a love- letter and I'll sue you fer bigamy and breach of promise, and hbel and arson in the third degree. Hez. {in audience). Set down and keep cool, widder. That letter was fer Bethy all the time. WiD. Fer Bethy? 44 THE BEANTOWK CHOIR Hez. Yep. I jest wanted to pay you back fer whalin' me. WiD. Oh, wait till I lay hands on you, that's all. (Organ plays '' Wedding March." Beth and Min- ister march down, followed by Maid and Man and others, Wid. coining last. They march down through the audience. As Wid. passes Hez. she grabs him, jerks him from his place and leads him out by the ear, Hez. howls.) CURTAIN NOTE Most of the music in this play may be found in " The Golden Book of Favorite Songs/' price 15 cents per copy. The book is published by F. A. Owens Pub- lishing Company, Dansville, Ky., or can be supplied by Walter H. Baker & Co., Boston, Mass. JOLLY PLAYS FOR HOLIDAYS ' A Collection of Christmas Plays for Children By Carolyn Wells COMPRISING The Day Before Christmas. Nine males, eight females. A Substitute for Santa Claus. Five males, two females. Is Santa Claus a Fraud ? Seventeen males, nine females and chorus. The Greatest Day of the Year. Seven males, nineteen females. Christmas Gifts of all NationSc Three males, three females and chorus. The Greatest Gift. Ten males^ eleven females. The plays composing this collection are reprinted from *• The Ladies* Home Journal " of Philadelphia and other popular magazines in answer to a persistent demand for them for actmg purposes. Miss Wells' work requires no introduction to a public already familiar with her wit, her hu- mor and her graceful and abundant fancy, all of which attractive qualities are amply exemplified in the above collection. These plays are intended to be acted by young people at the Christmas season, and give ample sug- gestions for costuming, decoration and other details of stage production. These demands are sufficiently elastic in character, however, to make it possible to shorten and simplify the performance to accommodate almost any stage or circumstances. The music called for is of the simplest and most popular sort, such as is to be found in every household and memory. This collection can be strongly recommended. Price, cloihf post-paid by maily bo cents net CHEERY COMEDIES FOR CHRISTMAS A Collection of Plays, Pantomimes, Tableaux, Readings, Recitations, Illustrated Poems, etc., Suitable for Use at Christmas By Edith M. Burrows^ Gertrude M. Henderson, and others CONTENTS The Awakening of Christmas. A Christmas Operetta for children. Twenty-five boys and thirty-two girls, or may be played by a less number if desired. Scenery and costumes easily arranged ; music selected from popular sources. A Christmas Strike. A very easy entertainment for four boys and three girls. Santa's Surprise. For thirty-three children, or less if desired, and a man to impersonate Santa Claus. The Syndicated Santa Claus. For three males and two females (adults), who speak, and any number of children. Kftos Krlagle*8 Panorama. A collection of tableaux, recitations, etc. FricCf sj cents PIECES PEOPLE ASK FOR Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic, and Dramatic One hundred selections in prose and verse by F. H. Gassaway, 0. Wc Holmes, Henry Ward Beecher, Alice Gary, R. H. Stoddard, Joel Chandler Harris, Charles Dudley Warner, J. M. Bailey, Bill Nye, Phoebe Gary, John Boyle O'Reilly, Irwin Russell, Lucy Larcom, Wendell Phillips, James Russel Lowell, Eugene J. Hall and others. 240 pages. Price, 2_5 cents PIECES PEOPLE LIKE Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic and Dramatic One hundred selections in prose and verse by Chauncey M. Depew, Col. John Hay, Hezekiah Butterworth, James Russell Lowell, John Boyle O'Reilly, Robert G. Ingersoll, Bill Nye, James Whitcomb Riley, T. W. Higginson, W. H. Seward, Clement Scott, Joaquin Miller, E. C. Stedman, Brander Matthews, John G. Saxe, Joel Benton, Charles Follen Adams and others. 214 pages. Price, 2^ cents PIECES PEOPLE PRAISE Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic and Dramatic One hundred selections in prose and verse by Mark Twain, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Robert Buchanan, James Russell Lowell, George WilHam Curtis, Edward Eggleston, Nora Perry, Wendell Phillips, Charles Sumner, Charles Dickens, Henry Clay, John Boyle O'Reilly and the author of " Betsy Bobbitt." Over 200 pages. Price, 23 cents PIECES PEOPLE RECOMMEND Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic and Dramatic One hundred selections in prose and verse by Longfellow, Whittier, T. W. Higginson, Will Carlton, F. H. Gassaway, Tennyson, Bret Harte, Irwin Russell, Arthur Sketchley, Buhver-Lytton, O. W. Holmes, Southey, Samuel Lover, J. M.. Bailey, Theodore Parker, Thackeray, M. Quad, Fitzjames O'Brien, William Cullen Bryant and others. Over 200 pages. Price, 2^ cents ENCORE PIECES And Other Recitations Seventy-three selections in prose and verse by Paul Laurence Dunbar, Carolyn Wells, Ackland Von Boyle, Charles Follen Adams, Hans Breit- mann, F. H. Gassaway, Nora Perry, J. W. Kelley, Belle Marshall Locke, S. A. Frost and others. 210 pages. Price, 2_5 cents THE SLACKER A Patriotic Play in One Act By Jewell Bothwcll Tull Two male, seven female characters. Scene, an interior; costumeSf modern and military. Plays forty minutes. Tlie hero, beyond the draft age, has not enlisted because he deems it to be his widowed mother's wish and his sweetheart's preference, as well as his own duty not to do so. He tries on the uniform of a fiiend who is going, "just to be in it once," and being discovered, finds to his surprise that both his mother and his fiancee have been miserable under the charge that he is a " slacker " and are re- joiced to have him make good. Picturesque, patriotic, dramatic — an ideal play for a Red Cross Entertainment. Strongly recounnended. Price, 2J cents CHARACTERS Grant Moore. Mrs. Smith, his mother. Mrs. Moore, his mother. Ella Brown, his sweetheart. Betty Caldwell, his fiancee. Mrs. Ralph. Benny Smith, a young lieu- Mrs. Elton, tenant. Mrs. Jones. Other ladies and girls of the Marsville Red Cross Society^ A ROMANCE IN PORCELAIN A Comedy in One Act By Rudolph Raphael Three males, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. Plays twenty minutes, Cecilia and Clarence, engaged to marry, resort to Dr, Spencer before the knot is tied to secure a new upper set. Their troub- les in concealing their errand from each other reach a climax when both sets are stolen and the truth has to come out. Very funny and heartily recommended. Price, 2^ cents A PROFESSIONAL VISIT A Comedy in One Act By Rudolph Raphael Two males, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. James Winthrop, impecunious, calls upon his old friend, Dr. Raleigh, also hard up, to discuss the situation, and ends by getting engaged to the Doctor's landlady, a rich widow, who calls to collect the rent. Very swift work. Recommended. Price, 2^ cents THE GO-BETWEEN A Dramatic Comedy Playlet By Harry L. Newton One male, two females. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. Plays twenty minutes. Hezekiah, jilted on the eve of his wedding to Muriel, a heartless adventuress, who has ruined him, is rescued from suicide by Jane, a country sweetheart, in a capital little piece, mingling humor and pat]^ ,A. ,A. ,J^ 015 907 630 1 i < Plays for Colleges and High Schools "*1 4 Males Females Time Pr/f* Royalty D i The Air Spy 12 4 i;4 hrs 25c Special t J Bachelor Hall 8 4 2 " 25c $^00 w < The College Chap II 7 2>^ " 25c Free » M The Colonel's Maid 6 3 «( C 2 Daddy 4 4 1)4 " 2.jC r 4 The Deacon's Second Wife 6 6 2>^ " 25 c <« Q J The District Attorney lO 6 2 " 25c " L J The Dutch Detective 5 .5 2 " 25c " P 4 An Easy Mark 5 2 >^ " ^5c r J The Elopement of Ellen 4 3 2 25c " iL J Engaged by Wednesday 5 II IK " 25c « F ^ The Farmerette 7 2 " 25c (( &» i For One Night Only 5. 4 2 " 15c Special f Free W J Hamilton II 5 2 " 50c 1 Higbee of Harvard 5 4 2 " 15c M Hitty's Service Flag II 1% " 25c ** w 1 The Hoodoo 6 12 2 «« 250 % The Hurdy Qurdy Girl 9 9 2 " 25c w Jj Katy Did 4 8 I>^ " 25c Special IT Free P J Let's Get Married 3 5 2 " 50c ^ London Assurance lO 3 2 " ^5^ J Lost a Chaperon 6 9 2 " 25c R^ 3 The Man from Brandon 3 4 'A " 15c 1 The Man Who Went 7 3 2/2 •• 25c Special K M The Man Without a Coun ry 46 5 i;^ " 25 c Free M 2 Master Pierre Patelln 4 ^/2 " 50c 1^ Me and Otis 5 4 2 iqc " tf^ M The Minute Man 13 i;^ " 25c : ■ 1 ^ Mose II 10 i}4 " ISC K Mr. Bob 3 4 i;^ " •J M Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 4 7 2 " 25c 310.00 ci ¥ree OT 2 Nathan Hale 15 4 2>^ " 50c ^ Nephew or Uncle 8 2 " 25c M Professor Pepp 8 8 2^4 " 25c I 1 3 A Regiment of Two 6 4 2 '« 25c It The Revenge of Shari-Hot-Su 3 4 IK " 15c l|j The Rivals 9 5 2>^ " 15c « Ml JJ The Romancers 3 2 " 25c S The Rose and the Ring 16 5 1^4 " 25c M Sally Lunn 3 4 i;^ " 25c I 1 2 The School for Scandal 12 4 2/2 " ^5c *B She Stoops to Conquer 15 4 2>^ " »5c ^ Step Lively 4 10 2 " 25c « ll 2 The Submarine Shell 7 4 2 '• 25c Special C, 51 The Thirteenth Star 9 I^ " 25c Free R M The Time of His Life 6 3 2/2 " 25c 2 Tommy's Wife 3 5 I>^ " 25c <4 r 2 The Twig of Thorn 6 7 i;^ " 66c « P « For "special" royalties , see catalogue descriptions for t M detailed information. 1 4 BAKER, 5 [iamilton Place, Boston, Mass* tl J .>»^i ^^^^^^^r^^^fr^fF^^^ W^'^F'^F ^|^!a i^^V" ■^r-^^^ •■^Ijftt^r^n ^^^^^1