NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. i ^'? ^s © ^ "5 > PRICE] Z^Ki^^ [15 CENTS, y THE AMATEUR STAGE. No. 56. MY PETER! NEW YORK! f^APPY WouRS Company, Publishers, No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET, A Catalogue of Plays, giving the number of acts and characters, costumes and scenery required, and time of representation of each, will be sent free, to any address. Hot We ManapJ Oor Private Tieatricals. In which will be found plain ilirections for the construction and arrangement of the Stage, painting the Scenery, getting up the Costumes, making the Properties and Accessories, Hints on Stagi; Effects, full and complete instructions for making Calcium Lights, etc., etc., with numerous illustrations and diagrams. To which is added "Penelope Anne," a roaring farce for liomc performance. Prepared for the use of schools, private families, and dramatic clubs. Price 25 Cents. Tie Actor's Art. Its TIequisites and how to obtain them, its Defects and how to remove them. Containing clear and full directions in every branch of the Art; with complete and valuable instructions for beginners, relative to rehearsals, entrances and exits, gen- eral hints o'\ action, qualities of voice, etc. , etc. In short, an indispensable book to the amateur. Price 15 Cents. Parlor TaWeaiii ; or, Animatei Pictures. For the use of Families, Schools and Public Exhibitions. Containing about eighty popular subjects, with plain and explicit directions for arranging the stage, dress- ing-room, lights, full descriptions of costumes, duties of stage manager, piDperties and scenery required, and uU tlie necessary directions for getting them up, so that any one can act in them. Everything is stated in a plain, simple manner, so that it will be easily understood ; everything like style or unnecessary show has ben avoid- ed, in order that all may readily grasp at the author's meaning. For public or private entertainment, there is nothing which is so interesting and instructive as the tableaux. Price 25 Cents. Slaflof PaitoiDies; or, Harlepii ii we Slafle. How to get them up and liow to act in them ; with full and concise instructions and numerous Illustrations. Also full and complete descriptions of properties and costumes. It has been the aim of the author to provide harmless home amusement for old and young, excluding everything objectionable to sound morality and good home training. By Tony Denier, Pantomimist, author of "Tony Denier's Parlor Pantomimes," " Amateur's Guide," etc. Price 25 Cents. Tie Stomp Speaker. Being a collection of Comic Speeches and Kecitations, Burlesque Orations, Stump Speeches, Laugliable Scenes, Humorous Lectures, Button-Bursting ^\'itticism8, Ri- diculous Drolleries, Funny Stories, etc., etc., translated into the four modern lan- guages — Yankee, Dutcli, Irish, and Ethiopian — for the convenience of the public at large. Pric<* IS Cents. Ventrilopsin MaJe Easy, M The Secoiid-SigM Mystery, As practiced by Robert Heller and others, fully explained. In this little volume we place all the wondtrs of VKfiTlULOCiDiSM at the command ot our young friends. Price 25 Cents. Either of the above will be sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt of the price, by HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. I Chambers St., New York. THE -AMA.TEUR ST^^^OE. ''MY PETER!" A COMEDIETTA., IN ONE ACT, 7,q By ANDRE ARNOLD. WITH THE CAST OP CHARACTEBf3, COSTUMES, SIDES OF ENTRANCES AND EXIT, RELATIVE POSITIONS OP THE DRAMATIS PERSONJE, TIME OP REPRESENTATION, ETC., ETC. NEW YOBK : HAPPY HOURS COMPA No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET. -fi,l,-i^ "MY P E T E E ! " /l7^=' DRAMATIS PEESONiE. Peter Lambktn. Geoboe Balmeb. Mes. Alcestis Lambkin. Mas. DoBA Balmeb. Mas. Flowebdale. Lucy, A Servant. Time, — Pbesent. Time of Bepresentatbn. — Foil t;-Jive Mimdes. COSTUMES. -MODERN. PROPERTIES. Cavpet covering stage. Curtains to French window, c. A screen, opened, on the b. A round table, c. Vases, books and flowers on it. Footstool B.C. A small table between the doors l. Newspaper on table. A pack of cards in drawer of l. table. Two easy chairs K. and ly. Sofa u.e.l. Embroidery on frame for Mrs. Balmeb. Two cigars. Eau de cologne. Bouquet for Mes. Flowebdalk Short pipe in case and match box for Pete. Fullers earth (wet) for mud. A battered hat. Two lighted caudles. Copyrighted 1877. "MY PETER!" Scene. — A Ikindsomely Famished Drawing-Room in a Villa al Brighton. IVench windoio c, through lohich may he seen the Es- planade and sea beyond. Door t.e.l. Door s.e.l. Door s.e.k. Sofa u.E.ii. Screen u.e.r. Table c, on tchich are vases and flowers. Table between the two doors l. Clock on it. Tioo easy chairs B. and L. Other chairs on the scene. ' Mbs. Balmeb and Mits. Lambkin discovered. .Mrs. L. (Reading in easy chair, E.) Ridiciilous ! How man could write — or woman could utter such demoralizing sentiments is incredible. Just listen, Dora. (Reads.) "Julia laid her bead on her husband's bosom, and looking with the confidence of a cLild in his lace, said, 'I am yours— yours, dearest Charles; my whole being seems absorbed in that sweet consciousness. Guide, sustain, and cherish me, for I have neither will, thought, nor desire that is not yours." (Rising and flinging the book away angrily on l. table.) There ! Such detestable principles would subvert domestic govern- ment, and destroy the independence which a woman should never surrender to a conjugal tyrant. Mrs. B. (Seated in easy chair, t., embroidering and laughing.) I know your system of matrimonial discipline does not agree with those doctrines of passive obedience to one's ' lord and master. ' Mrs, L. "Which, iu spite of my advice to the contrary, you have adopted and practise towards your husband. It is treason to the rights of woman to humble yourself aa you do to a man, who, 4 " jiy rKTiin!'' like all his egotistical sex, is ouly too ready to believe that womeu were sent iuto the world to serve and obey their proud 'masters.' (Laughs satirically, and sits as before. 3frs. B. That is a fault with which you caunot reproach yourself, Alcestis. Ah ! my dear! you rule poor Mr. Lamblciu Mrs. L. (Quickly interrupting. ) As a woman who respects her rightful position in the matrimonial scale should rule cue of the creatures. From the day we were married I have kept a tight rein upon "?ny Peter;" and although a little restiff and stubborn at first, I gradually subdued the little fellow, brought down his spirit, tamed his temper, till now — yes — I can lead him like a lap-dog in a silken thread. Mrs. B. Which you do without consulting his will. Mrs. L. His will ? Ha, ha, ha ! What a simpleton you must be to imagine "my Peter" has any will but mine. No! no! that little tiflf we had on our wedding-day settled the entire question. Peter wanted to smoke a cigar after dinner, but I didn't, that was enough. I forbade the vulgar indulgence ; he remonstrated ; I re- mained calm, but firm, firm ! At last he succumbed, and the cigar was flung out of the window. That was Vne first lesson I taught him. Ah ! he has never forgotten it ! Mrs. B. (Aside.) It is not likely he should. (liises — aloud.) But all men have faults, and my husband, I know, has his share. 3frs. L. (Rises.) That's good. I'm glad you admit your idol to have some defects. For instance, he has a horrid temper. Mrs. B. A little hasty sometimes, but then his ill-humor don't last long. Mrs. L. He won't bear contradiction, Mrs. B. For which reason I never contradict him. Mrs. L. He is scarcely ever at home. Mrs. B. Perhaps he is happier abroad. I am no advocate for a man to be condemned to perpetual domestic imprisonment with his wife. Ever shadowing her very footsteps and perpetually tying himself to her apron strings. Mrs. L. (Whispering quietly io her.) I protest, Dora, you're the most provoking creature in existence. What would you say now, if your husband did shadow some woman's footsteps and pre- ferred the society of another rather than his own wife? Mrs. B. (Starts up.) Another I (With an effort.) He should hear no reproach from my lips. (Sits again. Mrs. L. Oh, this is too much ! You'll have the finger of scorn pointed at j'ou child, while your humility will be cited as a frightful example to the whole wedded world ; matrimonial reformers will be questioning the divine rights of woman, and then advocating equality iu the married state. Shocking — shocking principles! Horrid! (Silss, Mrs. B. I shall trust to them, nevertheless, to correct my hus- band's faults : — of his moral truth I caunot entertain a doubt. "MY Pl-TliK !" Mrs. L. (Lawjlis henrlVy.) It's a pity to disturb such a sweet, confiiliug dream, lest it be converted iuto a nightmare, but I've ob- served Mr. Bahner for the last mouth — ever since we came to live together in this charming marine villa. Mrs. B. (Sighs.) 1 thought we shoukl be so happy together. Mrs. L. So we are, my dear, perfectly happy : at least, I speak for myself and "my Peter," upon whom I constantly keep an eye — iico eyes ! I can see him at this moment playing at duck and drake ou the beach. Mrs. B. Ah ! innocent pleasures for innocent minds. But yon were going to say something about George, my George. Mrs. L. True, my dear, your George. You must not be hurt by " my candor, but everybody perceives that Mr. Balmer pays particular attention to that Mrs. Flowerdale. Mrs. B. Well, I do not desire to monopolize my husband's atten- tion. Mrs. L. That is very kind of you, I'm sure, especiallj' as Mrs. Flowerdide thinks, — and I dare say Mr. Balmer also thinks — slie is irresistible. ]\lrs. B. I admit she is young, handsome, wittj' Mrs. L. And a widow — atid a widow, my dear, don't forget that. Ah ! ( Slutkes Iter liead ominoushj. Mrs. B. I cannot forget she is my friend. Mrs. L. The greater the danger, my dear ! "Where women nre concerned, Rhow me a friend and I'll sliow you a monster ! I don't mean to say that Sirs. Flowerdale meditates the conquest of your husband, but nature made her a wonif.n, accident made her a widow, and art has made her a coquette ; her instincts and her education compel her to angle for, hook and laud every victim that comes in her way. Mrs. B. Still I have confidence in my husband's moral principles, and in the efficacy of my own system. Mrs. L. An abominable system- which would render poor mar- ried women slaves to the will of their despotic 'Zoj-ds.' (IaukjUs.) Stay, are you willing to test the merits of our respective modes of treatment — your sedatives against my tonics. Mrs. B. Yes ! my syrups against your bitters ! Ha ! ha ! Yes, I am quite ready to do so, and to wager a dozen pairs of gloves upon the issue. But how do you propose to make the trial? Mrs. L. You know tliat I have arranged to go to London this evening, to my mother's ; now nothing would be easier than fur you to make some excuse to accompany me and return with me to-mor- row. Your liusband won't object you may be certain. Mrs. B. Perhaps not. But I don't see clearly the object of this journey. j\[rs". L. A feint, my dear ! We'll play foxy — remain here in ambush and pounce upon the lambs ! So, while our spouses iuia- b "air petee!" giiie us chatting cosily at St. John's "Wood, we will be watching their little proceedings at home. (Laughs. Mrs. B. (Laughs.) Capital! I agree to the stratagem— for I know my George will remain heart whole, and come out ot the trial like gold from the furnace. (Rises. Mrs. L. (Rises.) And "imj Peter'" like steel from the anvil. (Looks through loiudoio, c, off l. ) Hush! I see my precious little partner returning from the beach. Jl//\s. B. And mine sauntering this way from his evening stroll. (Looks out c, off'T,. Mks. Lambkin resumes her seat, b. E)iter Peteb Lambkin, through c. ic'mdoio, from l. Peler. Ah, lovey ! I hope I have not out-stayed my liberty. Mrs. Balmer, how d'ye do ? Mrs. L. (Looking at her icatch.) Five minutes past the time I allowed you, Mr. Lambkin. Peter. (B.C.) I'm so sorry my love, but duck and drake is such an exciting pastime that Mrs, L. That you forgot j'our wife's commands, sir. Peter. No, really. Your commands are always implicitly obeyed by me — but— a — (whispers her aside) — forgive me this time and I promise never to traugress again. (Mes. Lambkin turns awayfi-om, Jiiin. Enter George Balmee, through c. XDhidow, from k., smokbig a cigar. George. What a splendid evening for a cigar. ( Comes down Ij.c. Perceiving Mrs. Lambkin. ) Oh I I beg pardon, Mrs. Lambkin, you don't like smoking. (Flings his cigar out of tlie window. ) I forgot. There ! Mrs. L. 'Tis a practice I detest, ]\Ir. Balmer. I have forbidden " my Peter" ever to smoke. Peter. Yes, it's a dreadful bad habit. ( Aside to G^onGTZ.) I had a weed on the sly after dinner. George. What a number of fine girls were promenading this even- ing. Peter. Delicious ! (Mas. L.vmbkin looks astonished — Peter re- collects Idmself. ) Hem! That is — i don't know ; I never notice fine "gals." (Mrs. Balmer takes her husband's hat, and offers to kiss him; he kisses her carelessly on the cheek. George. There, get away, you little noodle. Mrs. B. How your hat wants brushing. (She goes up the stage, l., smoothing his hat wilh her handker- chief, Peter. (Aside.) Mrs. Lambkin never smooths my hat. She pre- fers rumpling my hair. Mrs. L. Place that footstool for me, Peter. "MY peter!" 7 Pe/er. (Placing a footstool for Mrs. Lambkin. ) There ! Put your dear little tootsicums there, my love. What a i^retty pair they are. Hah ! the artist who makes those delicious little boots ought to bless his lucky stars. (Aside to George.) There was a lovely piuk pair ou the esplauade this afternoon, but Mrs. Lambkiu was wih me, so I could only steal a glance at the lambs. (George takes u vewspaper from l. table, throws libnsef into e«sv chair i.., and qlances over it listlessly. Mrs. L. '(Calls.) Peter! Peter. (Pnns to Iter. ) Yes, lovey. JLs. L. Fetch my eau-de-Cologne from my dressing-table. (Peter rtois off s.E.i,. Georrje. (Yawns.) Nothing stirring ; general stagnation. Opera closed ; clubs empty ; Rotten-row a desert, and Margate as a water- ing-place has degenerated into a mob. I think I must take a few days' cruising round the coast. Mrs. L. With Mrs. Balmer, of course ? H-hem ! George. (Looking irresolidehj at his xvife, %cho comes down c. ) With — hem I — Dora? I— a — well, I did not think — a Mrs. B. No.no! I'm a ■wretched sailor. George will enjoy him- self much better without me. George. (Rising.) Oh, I shall do very well, and j'ou can amuse yourself with your friends and the German baud on the esplanade. Nothing like a German band to raise a woman's spirits. (Aside. ) It gives me the collywobbles! (Aloud — vexed.) We shall be very happy apart. (Aside.) She lets me do just as I like. Why the deuce will she never oppose me ! 3Ls. B. (Aside.) I adore the sea, and with him it would have been delightful, (sighs) but he has no desire for my societj'. No matter, I can be patient, the time will come— it must come, when my love will conquer his indifference. ( Retires to loindoio again. Re-enter Peter Lambkin, l., xcilh eau-de-Cologne. Peter. Here, my dear, is your eau-de-Cologne. (Gives the hollle to Mrs. Lambkin. George takes his h(d and is about to quit the apartment.) Where are you going, Balmer? Can't we have a quiet game of whist, hey ? You shall have Alcestis for your partner, she holds tremendous cards — the majority trumps and knows how to play them, too. She generally gets all the honors, and knows how to make the odd trick ! A wonderful woman ! George. I am Teiy sorry, my dear fellow, I must relinquish eo powerful a baud. (Turns' to Mrs. Lambkin.) The fact is, I am engaged to play a match at billiards, this evening, so that I cannot possibly Elder Lucy, t.e.u Lucy. Mi<. Flowerdiile. ma'iim. Mrs. B. Oh ! show her in, Lucy. 8 " JIY PUTER !" George. (PaUlur/ dnou his liat, and aside.) Mrs. Flowerdale! hem! (Aloud.) 1 was going to say I atn in uo particular liun-y, iny dear ; I can wait, if it is to oblige you, (lookiinj at his watch) for another hour. Mrs. L. Oh, pray don't think of sacrificing yourself to our stupid rubber, Mr. lialaier. You have another game to plaij. (Aside.) Hu-u-m 1 George. ( Embarrassed. ) Not the slightest sacrifice, iny dear madam, I am an enthusiast in whist. Enter Mrs. Flowehdale, t.e.l. Mrs. L. (Looking significantly at j\Ius. Floweudale — Aside.) When the Queen of Hearts turns up. Ptter. f Aside to Mrs. Lambkin. ) The Queen of Hearts, my dear? Wliere? Let me have a look. ( Looks round. Mrs. L. (Pulls Idm back — aside to him.) Look this way, if you please, sir. Mrs. B. I'm delighted to see you, dear Louisa, though the plea- sure must be brief. I am going to London by the next train and sha'u't return till to-morrow. (George and Peter express suriyrise. Peter ] Ce -ae \ C ^^fi'^'^'f'" «'if^ P^^^sed. j Going to Loudon ! Mrs. B. "With Mrs. Lambkin, dear George. I have to order a dress at my milliner's, and we have arranged to sleep at her mother's to-night. Peter, (r.c, sudde)d\j iideresled.) Hey ! Jly Alcestis going for the night ! Hoor (Mrs. Lambkin surprised, looks at Peter, v)ho suddeidy cliecks himself, then in a melancli.oly tone. ) Aah ! Then oar game of whist cannot come ofi", unless Balmer and I play double dummy. George. Like double donkeys ! Mrs. B (I.., to George.) If you have anj' objection to ni}' going, Georgy, why George. Objection, my popsy wopsy, none in the world — go, by all means. Go, and hear the German band, 'twill do you good. (Turning