Glass_£SlL5':=! T D BookJi: y. i€^i^ cv A'^^rr-^ '-n. fX^^^ NoTK. — This autograph may be relied on as authentic, as it was written by i>ne of Mr. Squibob's most intimate friends. '^ n PHCENIXIANA; OB, SKETCHES AND BURLESQUES, BY JOHN PHCENIX. "In the name of the Prophet — Fies." SEVENTH EDITION. NEW YOKK: D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 846 A; 348 BROADWAY. 1856. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by D. APPLETON & COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States fur th« Southern District of New York. By Tmneftr 0. "rb-c Library JUN 7 1938 r TO DR. CHARLES K HITCHCOCK, OF SAN FRANCISCO, MY EARLIEST, KINDEST, AND MOST CONSTANT FRIEND, ABE AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED BV THE AUTHOR. PREFACE. This book is merely a collection of sundry sketches, recently published in the newspapers and magazines of California. They were received with approval, sep- arately, and it is to be hoped they may meet with it on their appearance in a collected form. When first published, the Author supposed he had seen and heard the last of them, but circumstances entirely beyond his control have led to their republication. The Author does not flatter himself that he has made any very great addition to the literature of the age, by this performance ; but if his book turns out to be a very bad one, he will be consoled by the reflec- tion that it is by no means the first, and probably will not be the last of that kind, that has been given to the Public. Meanwhile, this is, by the blessing of 6 PREFACE. Divine Providence, and throngli the exertions of the Immortal Washington, a free country ; and no man can be compelled to read any thing against his inclina- tion. With unbounded respect for every body, The Author remains, JOHN PHCENIX. San Feanoisoo, July 15, 1855. 4 A WORD TO THE READER. It is proper to state, that while the following pages are collected with the permission of the Author, and thus pre- sented in a book-form, he has yet himself not been consulted in any manner in relation to the order of arrangement of its contents ; and it is quite probable, that his severer taste and better judgment might have operated to exclude some things which are here embraced. The Editor can only say, that preparing the volume hastily for the press, he has done the best he could in the premises ; and only begs that the sin of omission or of commission that may be observable in these pages, should not be visited upon the head of the Author. J. J. A. San Dibgo, Cal., October, 1855. \ } CONTENTS. »-•-• ■ PAoa Official Report of Professor John Phcenix, A. M 13 Of a Military Survey and Keconnoissance of the Route from San Fran- cisco to the Mission of Dolores, made with a view to ascertain the practicability of connecting those points by a Eailroad. A New System of English Grammar, 32 Musical Review Extraordinary, 42 Theatrical Criticism — The Performance of Tarbox's " Ode Symphonic," " The Plains," at the San Diego Odeon. Lectures on Astronomy, 61 Introductory— Chapter I. The Sun. Chapter II. Mercury, Venus, the Earth, the Moon. Pistol Shooting — A Counter Challenge, 67 Antidote for Fleas, 71 Phcknix at the Mission Dolores, 73 Squibob in Benicia, 78 Squibob in Sonoma, 85 10 CONTENTS. Squibob in San Fkancisco, PncBNix Installed Editor of the San Diego Herald, 96 His Salutatory — ^Mr. Kerren and the Chaplain — The Squire's Story — ^Ad- vertises for a Library — The Comedy of Errors — Interview between Governor Bigler and Judge Ames — ^The San Diego Boys run forty- eight hours — Phoenix advertises for a Servant — An apt Quotation — Charley Poole's "Water — " Many a Slip 'tween the Cup and the Lip " — ^Discourses on Matters Political— -Receives a Communication from *'Leonidas" — Comments thereon — An incident of the Election— A Game of Poker — Courageous Attack on a Spaniard — A Syllogism — Eetarn of the Editor — Phoenix's Valedictory — Defends his erratic Ed- itorial course, and finally turns Democrat — Interview between the ^ Editor and Phoenix — Desperate Personal Encounter, in which both parties get badly beaten — The matter amicably settled " without pre- judice to the honor of either party." Illustrated Newspapers, ■. 116 Phoenix issues an Illustrated edition of the Herald — Magnificent and costly engravings, including the celebrated first interview between Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe and the Duchess of Sutherland — Landseer's View of a San Diego Eanch. SANDTAGO — ^A SOLOQUY, 124 Fourth of July Celebration in San Diego, 126 Procession — Oration — Dinner, &c. Melancholy Accident, 129 Death of a Toung Man — Mr. Mudge's Durge on the Deth of the Same^^ Also an Epitaff. Second, Third and Fourth Editions of the Pictorial Herald, 133 A Full Account of the Formation of the San Francisco An- tiquarian Society, and California Academy of Arts and Sciences, 138 i CONTENTS. 11 The Ladies' Relief Soceity, 146 Extraordinary Proceedings— Strong-minded Women — Phoenix horror- Btrickyn at finding his wife among them — He swoons — Is discovered and is unceremoniously kicked out of the Room. Inauguration of the New Collector of Customs, in San Fran- ciscx). Tremendous Excitement ! 151 Squibob "Down on" Street Introductions..., 161 Squibob at the Play, 166 "What he saw and heard there — Another Squibob in the Field— The origi- nal is killed by the Evening Journal — An instructive Fable. The Literary Contribution Box, 172 Lines to Lola Hon tea. A Very Mournful Chapter, 176 Giving the particulars of Squibob's Death— A Spiritual Medium ex- perimenting with the Corpse — Judge Edmonds thrown completely in the shade— Startling Manifestations — Squibob Eesurrectedl — His Last "Words — He expires for the last time " positively without re- serve." Return of the Collector from Stockton, 181 Thrilling and Frantic Excitement among Office-Seckers — Procession and Speech. Phcenix Takes an Affectionate Leave of San Francisco,. 188 Ph(enix is on the Sea, 194 The Steamer Northerner — Capt. Isham — Dick Whiting, the n6 plus ul- tra of Steamboat Captains— The Downfall of a brace of *' Snobs "— Curses, loud and deep— Arrival at San Diego. tM CONTENTS. TA99 Phosnix in San Diego, 201 Description of the Plaza^Predictioa as to its Future Importance— Old Town — "Who he met there, and what he thought of tbem, &c, &c. Camp Reminiscences, , 209 Dennis Mulligan and the Owl— A Dinner ; choice of Dishes— Col. 8 at Church, thinking aloud— Col. Magrudor's Serenade Party : " My name is Jake Keyser." John Phcenix TO the "Pioneer," 216 Pulaski Jacks— Call and Tuttle— The Washington Ladies' Depository. Review of New Books, 220 Life and fimes of Joseph Brower the elder. Ph I ver muche thank you for you civilite on la vapor which we come ici, juntos. The peoples here do say to me, you si pued give to me the littel offices in you customs house. I wish if si usted gustan you me shall make to be Inspectors de cigarritos Je T entends muy bien. Come to me see. Coanteas de Mister Jos6 Jones he say wish to be entree clerky. You mucho me oblige by make him do it. 168 INAUGURATION OF THE NEW COLLECTOR. NO. IV. The following was evidently dictated by some belligerent old Democrat to an amanuensis, who appears not to have got precisely the ideas intended : Sir: — I have been a dimocrat of the Jackson School thank Grod for twenty years. If you sir had been erected to an orifice by the pusillanimous sufferings of the people as I was oust I would have no clam but sir you are appointed by Pierce for whom I voted and King who is dead as Julia's sister and I expectorate the office for which my friends will ask you sir I am a plane man and wont the orifice of Prover and taster of Brandy and wish you write to me at the Nian- tic where I sick three days and have to write by a young gentleman or come to see me before eleven o'clock when I generally get sick Yours P. S. My young man mr. Peter Stokes I request may be made inspector of pipes ^O. V. Mr. Colected H . Detor Elizer Muggins fore dosen peaces $12 . . , Receat pament. INAUGURATION OP THE NEW COLLECTOR. 159 Mister Colected My husban Mikel Muggins will wish me write you no matur for abuv if you make him inspector in yore custom hous, he always vote for Jackson and Scott and all the Dimocrats and he vote for Bugler and go for ex- tension the waser works which I like very much. You will much oblige by call and settel this one way or other. ELIZIR MUGGINS. Mike wants Mr. Timothy flaherty, who was sergent in Pirces regiment and held Pirces boss when he rared and throwed him to be a inspector too hes verry good man. E. M. NO. VI. Sir : — I have held for the last four years the appointment of Surveyor of Shellfish in the Custom House, and have done my duty and understand it. I have been a Whig, but never interfered in politics, and should have voted for Pierce — it was my intention — but a friend by mistake gave me a wrong ballot, and I accidentally put it in, having been drinking a little. Dear sir, I hope you will not dismiss me ; no man in this city understands a clam as I do, and I shall be very much indebted to you to keep my ofi&ce for the present though have much finer ofi'ers but don't wish at present to accept. Very respectfully, 160 INAUGURATION OF THE NEW COLLECTOR. P. S. — My friend Mr. Thomas Styles wishes to keep his office. Dear sir, he is Inspector of Raccoon Oysters ; he is an excellent gentleman, and though they call him a Whig I think dear sir, there is great doubt. I hope you'll keep us both ; it's very hard to get good Inspectors who understand shell-fish. So much for to-day. If any gentleman incited by a laud- able curiosity wishes to peruse more of these productions, let him proceed to Telegraph Hill, and on the summit of the tower at the extremity of the starboard yard-arm, in the dis- charge of his duty will be found, always ready, attentive, courteous and obliging, SQUIBOB. SQUIBOB ABHORS STREET INTRODUC- TIONS. No matter of local interest having occurred, worthy the pen of history, since the return of the " Congressional Rifles " from their target excursion at San Mateo, I propose to devote a few moments to the reprobation of an uncom- fortable custom prevalent in this city, to an alarming extent, and which if persisted in, strikes me as calculated to destroy public confidence, and, to use an architectural metaphor, shake the framework of society to its very piles. I allude to the pernicious habit which every body seems to have adopted, of making general, indiscriminate and public introductions. You meet Brown on Montgomery street : " Good morning, Brown ; " " How are you. Smith ? " " Let me introduce ; ou to Mr. Jones " — and you forthwith shake hands with a seedy individual, who has been boring Brown for the previous hour, for a small loan probably — an individual you never saw be- 162 SQUIBOB ABHORS STREET INTRODUCTIONS. fore, never had the slightest desire to see, and never wish to see again. Being naturally of an arid disposition, and per- haps requiring irrigation at that particular moment, you unguardedly invite Brown, and your new friend Jones of course, to step over to Parry and Batten's, and imbibe. What is the consequence ? The miscreant Jones introduces you to fifteen more equally desirable acquaintances, and in two minutes from the first introduction there you are, with seventeen newly formed friends, all of whom " take sugar in their 'n," at your expense. This is invading a man's quarters with a vengeance. But this is not the worst of it. Each gentleman to whom you have been introduced, wherever you may meet thereafter, in billiard room, tenpin alley, hot house or church, introduces you to somebody else, and so the list increases in geometrical progression, like the sum of money, which Colman in his arithmetic informs us the gentleman paid for the horse, with such a number of nails in his shoes — a story which in early childhood I remember to have implicitly believed. In this manner you form a crowd of acquaintances, of the majority of whom you recollect neither names nor faces, but being con- tinually assailed by bows and smiles on all sides, from un- known gentlemen, you are forced, to avoid the appearance of rudeness, to go bowing and smirking down the street, like a distinguished character in a public procession, or one of those graven images at Tobin & Duncan's, which are eternally wagging their heads with no definite object in view. This custom is peculiarly embarrassing in other respects. If you SQUIBOB ABHORS STREET INTRODUCTIONS. 163 are so unfortunate as to possess an indifferent memory for names, and a decided idiosyncrasy for forgetting faces, you are continually in trouble as to the amount of familiarity with which to receive the salutation of some unknown indi- vidual to whom you have been introduced, and who persists in remembering all about you, though you have utterly for- gotten him. Only the other day, at the Oriental Hotel, I met an elderly gentleman, who bowed to me in the most pleasant manner as I entered the bar-room. I wasn't quite sure, but I thought I had been introduced to him at Pat Hunt's ; so, walking up, I seized him familiarly by one hand, and slapping him on the shoulder with the other, exclaimed, " How are you old cock ? " I shall not soon forget his suspicious glance, as muttering, "Old Cock, sir! " he turned indignantly away; nor* my confusion at learning shortly after, that I had thus irreverently addressed the Rev. Aminadab Sleek, Chairman of the " Society for Propagating the Heathen in California," to whom I had brought a letter of introduction from Mrs. Harriet Bitcher Stowe. On the same day I met and ad- dressed, with a degree of distant respect almost amounting to veneration, an individual whom I afterwards ascertained to be the husband of my washerwoman — a discovery which I did not make until I had inquired most respectfully after his family, and promised to call at an early day to see them. There are very few gentlemen in San Francisco, to whom I should dislike to be introduced, but it is not to gentlemen alone, unhappily, to whom this introduction mania is confined. 164 SQUIBOB ABHORS STREET INTRODUCTIONS. Everybody introduces everybody else; your tailor, your barber, and your shoemaker, deem it their duty to introduce you to all their numerous and by no means select circle of acquaintance. An unfortunate friend of mine, T — hf — 1 J g_^ tells me that, stopping near the Union Hotel the other day to have his boots blacked by a Frenchman, he was introduced by that exile, during the operation, to thirty-eight of his compatriots, owing to which piece of civility he is now suffering with a cutaneous disorder, and has been vi donc-ed, icid, and g d ever since, to that degree that he hates the sight of a French roll, and damns the memory of the great Napoleon. My own circle of acquaintance is not large ; but if I had a dollar for every introduction I have received during the last six weeks I should be able to back up the Baron in one of his magnificent schemes, or purchase the entire establish- ment of the Herald office. But I have said quite enough to prove the absurdity of indiscriminate introductions. Hoping, therefore, that you will excuse my introduction of the subject, and that Winn won't make an advertisement out of this article, I remain, as ever, yours faithfully. SQUIBOB AT THE PLAY. ANOTHER SQUIBOB IN THE FIELD. San Fkancisco, June 10, 1858. The sympathies of the community have been strongly ex- cited within the last few days in favor of an unfortunate gentleman of the Hebrew persuasion, on whom the officers of the Golden Gate perpetrated a most inhuman atrocity, during her late trip from Panama. I gather from informa- tion of indignant passengers, and by contemplation of an affecting appeal to the public, posted in the form of a hand- bill at the corners of the streets, that this gentleman was forced, by threats and entreaties, to do violence to his feel- ings and constitution, by eating his way through a barrel (not a half barrel, as has been stated by interested individuals, anxious to palliate the atrocious deed) of clear pork ! The hand-bill alluded to is headed by a graphic and well-exe- cuted sketch by Solomon Ben David, a distinguished artist of this city, and represents the unhappy sufferer as he 166 SQUIBOB AT THE PLAY. emerged from the barrel after his oleaginous repast, in the act of asking, very naturally, for a drink of water. The offence alleged, I find from a hasty perusal of the resolu- tions contained in the hand-bill, was simply that this gen- tleman, whose name appears to have been Oliver, was heard inquiring for Colonel Moore, our well known and respected Ex-Postmaster. My friend Saul Isaacs, who keeps the " any- thing on this table for a quarter " stand, tells me that on " doffing his cask," the miserable Oliver was found com- pletely bunged up, and that he is now engaged in compos- ing a pathetic ode, describing his sufferings, to be called " The Barrel," with a few staves of which he favored me on the spot. It was truly touching. But it is needless to ring the chimes farther on this subject. But one side of the story has yet been heard, and as the officers promise a full and com- plete explanation, it is to be hoped that public opinion may be suspended for a few months, till they can be heard from. I attended the American Theatre last evening, and had the pleasure of seeing several admirable pieces capitally per- formed, by the largest and finest assemblage of dramatic talent ever collected on one stage in San Francisco. The occasion was the benefit of the Hebrew Benevolent Society, a very worthy and respectable charity, and the house was absolutely crammed from pit to dome. The aisles and lob- bies were thronged with gentlemen who were unable to obtain seats, and who could obtain but hasty and imperfect glimpses of the stage from their uncomfortable positions. Through the kindness of the box-keeper I was furnished with a chair, SQUIBOB AT THE PLAY. 1^7 from which, planted in the middle aisle of the parquette, I had an admirable view of the audience and the drop-curtain. The dress circle was crowded with the fair daughters of Zion and other localities, with silken hair darker than the driven charcoal, " and bright eyes that flashed on eyes that shone again." Above the second circle appeared a dense forest of black whiskers, and curvilinear proboscis; while from the gallery, that paradise of miners and minors, rang as from a dragoon stable the never-ceasing cry of hay! The curtain rose on San Francisco's Pet — the accomplished Caroline Chapman — who appeared in one of her favorite pieces, a pretty little burletta, called the " Actress of All "Work," in which she sustained, it is needless to say, most admirably, five distinct characters. She was greeted on her first entrance with tremendous and long-continued applause, which followed her throughout the piece, at the conclusion of which she was called before the curtain, when with one of her sweet smiles she sufficiently rewarded the audience for their just apprecia- tion of her talent, and her legion of admirers for the beau- tiful bouquets which fell around her. To say that she was the " bright particular star " of the evening's entertainment, would perhaps appear invidious ; but for pure, fresh, natural acting, ever-graceful, sparkling, and all-pretty as she appeared, she certainly could not be excelled, in her peculiar line of character — and she wasn't. The audience admired thee, Caroline ! and the humble hat of Squibob is at thy disposal for ever ! Miss Chapman was assisted by Mr. Hamilton, a veteran and most worthy actor, who did himself much credit, 168 SQUIBOB AT THE PLAY. as he always does in any part he undertakes. Then came Miska Hauser, who with his violin " went up higher, and came down lower," and performed variations to that extent you couldn't distinguish the original tune more bewilderingly, and made it to squeal, and to bray, and to groan, and to whistle, and to grunt, and looked fiercer at the audience while he was doing it, than any concentrated number of musicians ever collected by that regal lover of harmony, the convivial Cole, could possibly have effected. He was received with roars of applause by the audience, who made him do it all over again ; but as I am somewhat like a corn-field, with plenty of ears but no particular idea of music, I was not perhaps as ecstati- cally delighted as I ought to have been. Then Madame la Comtesse de Landsfeldt appeared in the second act of the pantomime of Yelva, in which she delighted the audience with her artistic delineations of the character of an artless and affectionate dumb girl, and was most enthusiastically received and applauded. After which a comic song was given and encored by W. B. Chapman, well known as a comic actor of great celebrity, who enjoys a reputation in his style of per- formances only inferior to Burton and Placide. After this Mr. and Mrs. Baker acted very admirably, a very singular piece, neither farce or comedy, but rather suggestive of a school dialogue, which though not deficient in wit, and abound- ing in sparkling repartee, lacks adaptation to the stage, and would perhaps have seemed tiresome, had it not been for the talent of the performers. Mr, and Mrs. Baker were received with a tempest of applause, and on being called before the 5?QUIB0B AT THE PLAY. 1C9 curtain at the conclusion of the dialogue, a large bouquet, or small conservatory of flowers, was thrown upon the stage, as a tribute of admiration and regard. The performance closed with the dance of " Le Olle " by the bewitching Lola, which she performed with inimitable grace and elasticity and very much to the satisfaction of the audience, if I may judge by the roars that rent the air as she appeared before the curtain in response to their call. Thus finished the entertainment of the evening, with which I, murmuring a kind ajew^ retired to my virtuous bed, perfectly satisfied, as I presume did the Hebrew Benevolent Society generally, as their receipts must have been between three and four thousand dollars, with which I hope they will do as much good as I should, if I had it. As I walked up the street on my return home, I noticed a lady who passed me in happy unconsciousness of a small placard adhering to what a sailor would call the afterpart of her shawl, on which, in capital letters, appeared the significant word — TAKEN. As she walked between two gentlemen, holding an arm of each, the notice was not altogether inappropriate. She had evidently sat upon one of the little placards so liberally dis- tributed every night over the front seats at the American, and it had adhered to her dress. Who is the witty individual that has adopted my time- honored signature in the Evening Journal. Funny beggar ! He certainly, he! he! he! does get oflf, ha! ha! ha! the drollest things, ho ! ho ! ho ! that I ever, ever heard. I was taking my dinner at the Oriental when that capital hit at the 170 SQUIBOB AT THE PLAY. Japan Expedition met my eye, and was borne from the room by two strong waiters, choking with half a glass of water imbibed the wrong way, kicking violently in the air with con- vulsions of laughter and delight, and exclaiming, oh ! d ^n it ; thus losing my repast, and forfeiting for ever the esteem of a grave and elderly gentleman with green spectacles, who sits opposite me, and has made strenuous efforts for my conver- sion, with great hope of ultimate success. Adopt another name, funny man, and do not continue to enhance thus unde- servedly, the literary reputation of SQUIBOB. Editor of tho THE PARABLE OF THE FOX AND ASS. San Fkaxoisoo, Jane 13. I would respectfully call the attention of the Evening Journal to the following fable, to be found in Esop's collec- tion, page 194 : " THE FOX AND THE ASS." " An ass, finding a Lion's skin, disguised himself therein, and ranged about in the forest. After he had diverted him- self for some time, he met a Fox, and being desirous to astonish him, he leaped at him with some fierceness, and endeavored to imitate the roaring of a Lion. * Your humble servant, sir,' said the Fox, ' if you had held your tongue, I might have taken you for a Lion, as others did, but now you bray, / hncyw who you are? 8QUIBOB AT THE PLAY. 171 " MOBAL : " We perceive from this fable how proper it is for those to hold their tongues who would not discover the shallowness of their understandings." I rather think it would be "painting the lily" to attempt any improvement on this beautiful and instructive parable, by any crude remarks of my own. SQUIBOB. THE LITEKAKY CONTKIBUTION BOX. LINES TO LOLA MONTES. San Feanoisco, June 13th, 1353. On assuming the responsible position of poetical critic for the Heraldj I applied to my friend Mr. Parry for permission to place in one corner of his San Francisco renowned establish- ment, a cigar-box, with a perforated sliding cover, for the reception of poetical contributions, a request which that gentleman most urbanely granted. Knowing that " Parry's" was the favorite resort of the wits, literati and savans of the city, I hoped and believed that this enterprise would be crowned with the success that it merited; but either our city poets are unable to find quarters in that establishment, or there is dearth of that description of talent at present ; for with the exception of two or three contributions of " old soldiers " and a half-dollar deposited by an inebriated mem- THE LITERARY CONTRIBUTION BOX. 173 ber of tlie last Legislature, on the representation of his friends that the box was placed there for the relief of dis- tressed Chinese women, nothing has come of it. Diurnallj, after imbibing my morning glass of bimbo (a temperance drink, composed of " three parts of root beer and two of water-gruel, thickened with a little soft squash, and strained through a cane-bottomed chair)," have I gazed mournfully into that aching void, and have turned away to meet the sympathetic glance of Batten, who, being a literary man himself, feels for my disappointment, and shakes his head sadly as in reply to my mute inquiry, he utters the significant monosyllable " Nix." But this morn- ing my exertions were rewarded : " I had a bite." In my box I found the following contribution, and feeling de- lighted at my success, and to encourage others who may dread criticism, I shall publish it without remark or an- notation, merely premising that I know nothing whatever of M. W., but that he appears to be a worthy and impulsive young fellow, who, having become possessed of five dollars, invested it very properly in the purchase of a ticket at the American Theatre, where he incontinently fell in love with Mrs. Heald (as possibly others may have done before him), and where he hastily "threw off"" the following lines, written doubtless on the back of a playbill, immediately after the conclusion of the Spider Dance, when he probably found himself in a sweet state, compounded of love, excitement and perspiration, caused by a great physical exertion, in pso- ducing the encore. Here it is : 174 THE LITERARY CONTRIBUTION BOX. "TOLOLAMONTES. "Fair Lola! " I cannot believe, as I gaze on thy face, And into thy soul-speaking eye, There rests in thy bosom one lingering trace Of a spirit the world should decry. No, Lola, no! I read in those eyes, and on that clear brow, A Spirit — a Will — it is true ; I trace there a Soul — ^kind, loving, e'en now; But it is not a wanton I view; No, Lola, No! I will not believe thee cold, heartless and vain I Man's victim thou ever hast been ! With thee rests the sorrow, on tfiee hangs the ch^ I Then on thee should the world cast the sin ? No, Lola, no. M. W." Now isn't this but I promised not to criticise. Try it again, M. W. — ^you'll do ! Winn, who is looking over my shoulder, and is a connoisseur in this description of poetry, says it is very fair— but he will persist in inquiring " what chain is alluded to in the last line but one ? " He thinks " there is a link wanting there to complete the connection." But never mind this, M. W. ; he would be glad enough to reward you liberally for a similar article laudatory of buckwheat cakes and golden syrup. Don't be dis- THE LITERARY CONTRIBUTION BOX. 175 heartened! Just you go on and fill the cigar box, con- fident of deserving the <' smiles " of Parry, the " cheer " of Batten, and the appreciation, with a " first-rate notice," of your admiring SQUIBOB. •v> A VERY MOURNFUL CHAPTER. DEATH AND SPIRIT RESURRECTION OF SQUIBOB. [Rqxyrted hy hit frigid STcewhaU.'] San Fbanoisoo, June 16th, 1858. Editor Herald — It becomes my melancholy duty to in- form you of the decease, under most painful circumstances, of your friend and contributor, the unfortunate " Sqdibob." It has been evident to the public for some days past that his faculties were becoming much impaired, and his friends had noticed, with regret, growing evidences of imbecility, evinced by a disposition to make unnecessary and inappropriate puns, and a tendency to ridicule the Board of Aldermen, the code of duelling, and other equally serious subjects and sacred institutions. Hopes were still entertained of his rallying, and many believed that he would yet be spared to us ; but, on the 13th instant, he was seized with a violent attack of the Evening Journal — a species of intermittent epidemic, which made its appearance regularly at four o'clock each A VERY MOURNFUL CHAPTER. 177 afternoon, and under the influence of which he rapidly sunk. He sent for me late yesterday evening, and I had the mournful satisfaction of being with him in his last moments, and of closing one of his eyes. I say one of his eyes, for the other persisted in remaining partly open, and his inter- esting countenance, even in death, preserves that ineffable wink of intelligence which so eminently characterized him while among the living. I found him suffering much from physical and mental prostration, but evidently well aware of his approaching end, and calm and resigned in the con- templation of that event. Some idea may be formed of his condition " from a remark that he made : " "I sent to the cook for a hroUed pork chop," he feebly articulated, " and he sent me a, fried one. It is satisfactory, in one's last moments thus to receive the consolations of religion from a San Fran- ciscan Friar. ^^ I could not resist an expression of horror at this sad evidence of the alarmingly low state to which he had been brought. He smiled sadly, and said, with ineffable sweetness, " Never mind — it's better so. My friends have all advised me to die, and it is my safest course. If I had continued in the papers, some bellicose individual would have * called me owf,' and the Herald would have been ' rifled of its sweets.' " He was here seized with an alarming paroxysm, during which his hands were extended in a right line from the tip of his nose, the fingers separated and " twiddling " (if I may be allowed the expression) in a convulsive manner. On recovering, his eye fell on a copy of the Evening Jour- nal. He shuddered, and muttering, in an incoherent manner, 178 A VERY MOURNFUL CHAPTER. " I am done Brown," turned away. I tlien gave him a glass of " Bimbo," which appeared to arouse his energies, and he requested that his daguerreotype of " Greene," in his great character of Sir Harcourt Courtly, might be shown him. As I held before him the representation of that artist, a barrel organ in the street below struck up his favorite tune, " The Low-Backed Car." As the well-known sound struck on his ear, a light spread over his countenance. Sitting up in bed, he seized the miniature and clasped it to his breast. "Where is M. W. ?" he screamed. "Give it me quick I quick ! ! " I hastily handed him yesterday's Herald. His eye fell on the lines. Gazing alternately on them and the miniature, and eagerly listening to the organ — " Poetry ! Music ! and the Drama ! " he exclaimed — " Farewell ! fare- well, for ever ! " The light passed from his visage, his eye glazed, and falling back upon his pillow, his gentle spirit passed away without a struggle^. I had left the room to give directions to the weeping Nancy, with reference to the disposal of the body, when re- turning, judge of my surprise at finding him sitting up in bed. " Look here, old fellow," said he, " By George ! I quite forgot my last words — " This is the last of earth ! — / still live ! ! — I WISH the constitution to be preserved ! ! ! — HERE'S LUCK ! ! ! f " Then lying down, and closing one eye, with a wink, the intense meaning of which beggars all • A VERY MOURNFUL CHAPTER. 179 description, lie expired — this time "positively without re- serve." P. S. — The funeral ceremonies will take place to-morrow, at 11 o'clock, at " Patty and Barren's," when the public gene- rally are invited to attend (with rifles). The " Tangarees " (of which association the deceased was a member), and the " Moral Reform Society," will form around the hier {lager) j and accompany the body to its last resting place. Winn is now busily engaged in the melancholy duty of modelling his features in soft gingerbread. A copy of the bust in candy he promises shall be sent to the offices of the Herald and the Evening Journal. A Spiritual Medium (one of the tipping ones) has just been experimenting in the room with the remains. The following questions were put, eliciting the following an- swers — Question. — " Is the spirit of Squibob present ? " Answer. — " Slightually." Question. — " Are you happy ? " Answer. — " Rather." The Spirit here asked, through the Medium, the follow- ing question — " Are the public generally glad I am dead ? " A regard for veracity compelled every person in the room to reply : " Yery ! " — when the table on which the experi- ments were being conducted was violently capsized, and the remains, sitting up in bed, threw a boot at the Medium, which broke up the meeting — the Medium very properly 180 A VERY MOURNFUL CHAPTER. remarking, that " it would be bootless to prosecute tbe in- quiry farther." Should any thing further of interest transpire, I will take much pleasure in informing you. Yours respectfully, SKEWBALL. KETUKN OF THE COLLECTOR. THRILLING AND FRANTIC EXCITEMENT AMONG OFFICE- SEEKERS. PROCESSION AND SPEECH. Intelligence having reached the city yesterday morning that the new Collector might be expected by the Sophie from Stockton, at an early hour in the afternoon the crowd of office-seekers began to assemble, and by eight o'clock last evening, every avenue of approach to Long Wharf was entirely closed, and the wharf itself so densely packed with human beings, that the merchants and others compelled to resort thither, were obliged to step from the corner of Mont- gomery and Commercial streets upon the heads of the crowd, and proceed to their places of business over a living pavement. Much suffering having been caused by the pas- sage of loaded drays and other carriages over the shoulders of the crowd, and many serious accidents having occurred to individuals — among which we can only notice the unfor- 182 RETURN OF THE COLLECTOR. tunate case of a plethoric elderly gentleman, who, slipping on a glazed hat, fell down and broke himself somewhere — our worthy Mayor, ever alive to the calls of humanity, throwing aside all political prejudice, caused plank to be laid over the heads of the assembly from Sansome street to the extremity of the wharf, which in a great measure allevi- ated their suffering. '• There was no fighting or disorder among the crowd, for so closely were they packed that no man could move a finger ; one unfortunate individual who at an early stage of the proceedings had inadvertently raised his arm above his head, remained with it immutably fixed in that position. Like an East Indian Fakir, who had taken a vow to point for ever toward heaven, that melancholy hand was seen for hours directed towards the nearest bonded warehouse. Some idea of the amiable feeling existing among the mul- titude may be gathered from the statement of Capt. J. B , familiarly known as " Truthful James." He informs me that early this morning the keeper of a restaurant on the wharf picked up no less than seven hundred and eighty- four ears and three peck baskets full of mutilated fragments ! To use the words of James, as with horror-stricken counte- nance he made me this communication, " they had been chawed sir ! actilly chawed off ! " Such horrible barbarity makes humanity shudder ! But I forbear comment, the business of your reporter is to state facts, not to indulge in sentiment. At half-past nine o'clock an electric shock ran through RETURN OP THE COLLECTOR. 183 the vast assemblage at the well-known sound of the Sophie's bell. All the agony and suffering of 'the past few hours was forgotten: for an instant Long Wharf quivered like an aspen 2eaf, and then rose to heaven a mighty shout, which shogk every building in the city to its foundations. The Sophie approached the wharf, the Collector and her other passen- gers disembarked, and in a few moments a procession was formed and proceeded in the following order to the Oriental. THE NEW COLLECTOR, In a carriage drawn by two horses, lashed to their utmost speed, tearing along Battery street towards the Hotel. All the male inhabitants of Stockton (except one reck- less and despairing old Whig, who, knowing he had no chance, and being confined to his bed by sickness, remained behind to take charge of the city) running eight abreast, at the top of their speed. THE POLICE OF SAN FRANCISCO, On a dead run^ and much blown. Candidates for office in the Custom House who had known the Collector in his early youth, ten abreast, bearing a ban- ner with the following motto : " Don't you remember the path where we met, long, long ago ? " A fire company, who had inadvertently turned into 184 RETURN OF THE COLLECTOR. Battery street, were driven furiously along with the proces- sion, and were wondering how the d — 1 they were ever to get out of it. Candidates for office who had lately become acquainted with the Collector, twelve abreast. Banner — "We saw him but a moment, but methinks weVe got him now." Candidates who fervently wished to the Lord they could get acquainted with him. Candidates who had frequently heard of him — ^forty-five abreast. THE U. S. ARMY, Consisting of a discharged sergeant of the 9th infantry slightly inebriated, one abreast, desiring the Deputy Col- lectorship, or the Porterage, or that the Collector would give him four bits — didn't care a d — ^n which. MUSIC, By an unhappy dog, trodden under foot by the crowd and giving vent to the most unearthly yells. All the members of the Democratic party in California who did not wish for an office in the Custom House, consist- ing of a fortunate miner who had made his pile and was going home on the first of the month. Grentlemen who had the promise of appointments from influential friends, and were sure of getting them, walking RETURN OP THH COLLECTOR. 185 arm in arm with gentlemen without distinction of party, who were confident of drawing the Diamond watch in Reeve's Lottery. This part of the procession was four hours in passing a given point. ^ M. L. WINN, Bearing in his right hand a pole from which floated a Bill of Fare three hundred and twenty-six feet in length, and in his left, a buckwheat cake glittering with golden syrup. MR. BRANCH, Supporting the other extremity of the Bill of Fare. CITIZENS GENERALLT, The procession having moved with great rapidity, soon arrived at the Oriental, but not as soon as the Collector, who rushing hastily into his room, locked and barricaded the door, having previously instructed the Landlord to in- form all persons who might inquire for him, that he was dead. Meanwhile the multitude had completely surrounded the hotel, and signified their impatience and disgust at find- ing the doors, closed by angry roars, uttered at half-second intervals. Findinor their cries disrecjarded, a sudden move- ment took place among them, and for a few moments I feared the hotel was to be carried by storm, when a window on Bush street opened, and a gentleman, whom the darkness 186 RETURN OP THE COLLECTOR. of the evening prevented my completely identifying, but who, I religiously believe to have been the Collector, appeared, and amid the most profound silence, made the following beautiful and touching address : " Grentlemen — I wish to God you would all go to bed ; you have worried and annoyed me beyond endurance. I am not to be caught by you as was General Scott, for I actually have no time to remove any portion of my clothing. I do not love brogue ; I be- seech you, therefore, to retire and allow me a little repose." The address here concluded with some allusion to the Deity and a reference to the eyes of the crowd, which being pro- nounced indistinctly, your reporter was not able entirely to comprehend, and with a sudden slam the window closed. The scene without now beggared description: roars, yells, frantic cries for " ladders 1 " " ladders ! " rent the air. Within the hotel all was alarm and confusion — ^the ladies screamed, children cried, the alarmed proprietor spoke of sending for the Mary Ann Rifles, when — ^the scene suddenly changed. Upon the piazza of the house appeared a gentle- man, walking slowly with his hands in the pockets of a shawl dressing-gown ; he wore a brown wig, and an enormous pair of false whiskers framed his well-rouged cheeks. In a word, he was dressed in the character of Sir Harcourt Courtly. Turning slowly towards the crowd, he withdrew one hand from the pocket of the shawl dressing-gown, and slowly and awkwardly extending it, said : — " Cool ! " It was sufficient. For an instant, a shudder ran through the mob — ^then, with cries of " Ifs him ! tfs Greene / " they broke and dispersed RETUEN OP THE COLLECTOR. 187 in every direction — ^up Bush and down Battery, through Stockton street and over the sand-hills, they fled like fright- ened deer. The earth seemed to have opened and swallowed them up, so sudden and complete was the dispersion. In one moment, where stood a mob of fifteen thousand, re- mained but two individuals. Above, with a sidelong bow and melancholy smile, slowly retired Sir Harcourt, and on the earth below, with open mouth and distended eyes, his admiring gaze fixed upon that extraordinary man with reverential awe, stood PHCENIX. SATtTKDAT MOKStlSQ. P. S. " Truthful James " has just rushed up in a frantic state to inform me that the Collector did not arrive last night after all. When I made my report, I did not know whether he had or not, but I am inclined now to think he might have done so. I don't know that it makes any differ- ence. If he did arrive, my report is all true now — if he did not, why, when he does arrive, it will be all true then ; and those who read it this morning, and find it false, will have the pleasure of reading it again, when it becomes the history of an actual occurrence. Of course you won't publish this. PHCENIX. PHCENIX TAKES AN AFFECTIONATE LEAVE OF SAN FKANCISCO. San Diego, Aug. 10, 1853. It was about 7| A. M., on the first day of this present month of August, that I awaked from a very pleasant dream in the great city of San Francisco^ to the very unpleasant conviction that it was a damp and disagreeable morning, and that my presence was particularly required in the small city of San Diego. So, having shaken hands with Frink, taken an affec- tionate leave of the chaimbermaid, and, lastly, devoured a beefsteak at the Branch of Alden, which viand, in perfect keeping with the weather, was both cold and raw, I shoul- dered my cane with a carpet bag suspended at each end, " a la Chinois," and left the Tehama House without " one linger- ing hope or fond regret." When a man is going down, every body lends him a kick, an aphorism which I came very near realizing in my own proper person, for as I went on my way down Long Wharf, I accidentally grazed a mule, who being in LEAVING OF SAN FRANCISCO. 189 an evil frame of mind and harnessed to a dray might be con- sidered as passionately attached to that conveyance. This in- teresting animal, fancying from my appearance that I was " going down," " lent me a kick," which, had his legs been two inches longer, would have put a stop to my correspond- ence for ever. As it was I escaped, and hurried on down the wharf, thinking with a shudder on the mysterious prophecy of my friend little Miss B., who had told me I was " sure to be kicked " before I left San Francisco, and wondering if she was really " among the prophets." The Northerner, like the steamboat runners, was lying at the end of the wharf, blow- ing off steam, and as usual when a steamer is about to leave for Panama, a great crowd surrounded her. What made them all get up so early ? Out of the three or four hundred people on the end of that wharf I don't believe fifty had friends that were about to sail. No ! they love to look upon a steamer leaving. It brings to their minds recollections of the dear ones at hdine to whom she is speeding with fond tidings, and they love to gaze and wish to Heaven they were going in her. The usual mob of noisy fruit venders encom- passed the gangway plank ; green pears they sold to green- er purchasers ; apples, also, whereof, every thing but the shape of an apple had long since departed, and oranges, the recollection of one of which, doth to this day abide by me and set my teeth on edge ; but high above their din, the roar of the steamer and the murmuring of the crowd, rang the shrill cry of the newsboy in his unknown tongue. Here's the AltervldnigunUmes Heujp ! I stepped across the plank and 190 LEAVING OP SAN FRANCISCO. found myself in the presence of three fine bullocks. How fat and sleek they looked ; uneasy though, as if they smelled mis- chief in the wind. A tall gaunt specimen of Pike County humanity stood re- garding them approvingly, his head thrown slightly back, to get their points to better advantage. It was the tomb gaz- ing on its victim. As I paused for a moment to look on the picture. Pike yawned fearfully, his head opening like the top of an old-fashioned fall-back chaise. The nearest bullock, turning, caught his eye. I thought the unhappy animal shud- dered and nudged his companion, as who should say, " Ye liv- ing, come and view the grave where you shall shortly lie." It was quite a touching little scene. On deck all was bustle and excitement. The sailors, apparently in the last extremity of physical suffering, judging by their agonized cries, were heaving away at mysterious ropes. The mate, Mr. Dall, was engaged in busy, not tender dalliance with the breast lines, while Burns the Purser exhibited an activity and good na- ture only to be accounted for by the supposition that he had eaten two boxes of Russia salve (which is good for Burns — see your advertising columns) for his breakfast. As the last line fell from the dock, and our noble steamer with a mighty throb and deep sigh, at bidding adieu to San Francisco, swung slowly round, the passengers crowded to the side to exchange a farewell salutation with their friends and acquaintances. " Grood bye, Jones," " Grood bye. Brown," " God bless you old fellow, take care of yourself! " they shouted. Not seeing any one that I knew, and fearing the LEAVING or SAN FRANCISCO. 191 passengers might think I had no friends, I shouted " Good bye, Muggins," and had the satisfaction of having a shabby man much inebriated, reply as he swung his rimless hat, " Good bye, my brother." Not particularly elated at this recogni- tion, I tried it again, with, " Good bye. Colonel," whereat thirty-four respectable gentlemen took off their hats, and I got down from the position that I had occupied on a camp stool, with much dignity, inwardly wondering whether my friends were all aids to Bigler, in which case their elevated rank and affection for me would both be satisfactorily ac- counted for. Away we sped down the bay, the captain standing on the wheel-house directing our course. " Port, Port a little. Port," he shouted. " What's he a calling for ? " inquired a youth of good-natured but unmistakable verdancy of appearance, of me. " Port wine," said I, " and the storekeeper don't hear him ,• you'd better take him up some." " I will," said Innocence ; " Iv'e got a bottle of first rate in my state room." And he did, but soon returned with a particularly crest-fallen and sheepish appearance. " Well, what did he say to you," inquired I. " Pointed at the notice on that tin," said the poor fellow. " Passengers not allowed on the wheel-house." " He is, though, ain't he ? " added my friend with a faint attempt at a smile, as the captain in an awful voice shouted, " Starboard ! '* " Is what ? " said I, " Loud on the wheel house ! " Good God ! I went below. At 9 o'clock in the evening we arrived at Monterey, where our modest salute was answered by the thundering 192 LEAVING OF SAN FRANCISCO. response of a 24-pounder from the fort. This useful defen- sive work, which mounts some twenty heavy guns and con- tains quarters for a regiment, was built in 1848, by Halleck, Peachy & Billings. It is now used as a hermitage by a lone- ly officer of the U. S. Army. The people of Monterey have a wild legend concerning this desolate recluse. I was told that he passes the whole of his time in sleep, never by any chance getting out of bed until he hears the gun of a steamer, when he rushes forth in his shirt, fires off a 24-pounder, sponges and reloads it, takes a drink and turns in again. They never have seen him ; it's only by his semi-monthly reports they know of his existence. " Well," said I to my informant, a bustling little fellow named Bootjacks, who came off on board of us, " suppose, some day a steamer should arrive and he should not return her gun ? " " Well sir," re- plied Bootjacks, with a quaint smile, " we should conclude that he was either dead, or out of powder^ Logical deduc- tion this, and a rather curious story, altogether; how I should like to see him ! Bootjacks kindly presented me with the following state of the markets, &c. in Monterey, which will give you a better idea of the large business and commercial prosperity of that flourishing city, than any thing that I can write on those subjects. MONTEREY MARKETS. The arrival of a stranger by the Maj. Tompkins from San Francisco, during the past week, with specie to the amount of $4 87^, most of which has been put in circulation, has produced LEAVING OF SAN FRANCISCO. 193 an unprecedented activity among our business men. Confidence is in a great measure restored, and our merchants have had no reason to complain of want of occupation. The following is the state of our market, for the principal articles of domestic con- sumption : Flour — Twenty-five pounds, imported by Boston, & Co. per Major Tompkins, still in first hands ; flour in small quantities is jobbing readily at 15 @ 18 cents '^ lb. We notice sales of 10 lb by Boston, & Co., to Judge Merritt, on private terras. Pork — The half bbl. imported by Col. Russell, in March last, is nearly aU in the hands of jobbers ; sales of 4 ib at $1, half cash ; remainder in note at 4 months. A half bbl. expected by Boot- jack & Co., early in September, will overstock the market. Candy — Sales of 6 sticks by Boston & Co. to purser of Maj. Tompkins, on private terms ; the market has a downward ten- dency ; candy is jobbing in sticks at 6 @ 8 cents. * Potatoes — "We notice arrival of 10 ib from the Santa Cri^ , no sales. Dry Goods — Sales of two cotton pocket hdkfs. by Me Kinley & Co. at 62^ @ 75 cents ; indorsed note at 6 months. Lively place this. Thank Heaven my lot is not cast there — it was once, but the people sold it for taxes. Having taken on board the U. S. mail, containing one letter (which I believe must have been the resignation of the Collector), our noble steamer bore away to the Southward. Four bells tinkled from the little bell aft ; four bells chimed from its deep-toned brother forward, and being of a retiriDg disposition, I retired. 9 PHCENIX IS ON THE SEA. Bright and beautiful rose the sun, from out the calm blue sea, its early rays gleaming on the snow-white decks of the Northerner^ and " gilding refined gold " as they pene- trated the state-room "A," and lingering, played among the tresses of the slumbering McAuburn. It was a lovely morn- ing, " the winds were all hushed, and the waters at rest," and no sound was heard but the throbbing of the engine and the splash of the paddle wheels as the gallant old Northerner sped on her way, " tracking the trackless sea." Two sailors engaged in their morning devotions with the holy stones near my room, amused me not a little. One of them, either acci- dentally or with " malice prepense," threw a bucket of water against the bulwark, which ricocheting^ struck the other on his dorsal extremity, as he leaned to his work, making that portion of his frame exceedingly damp and him exceedingly angry. " You just try that again, your soul," exclaimed the offended one, " and I'll slap your chops for you." " Oh, PHCENIX IS ON THE SEA. 195 yes you will," sarcastically rejoined he of the water bucket ; " I've heerd of you afore ! You^re old chop-slapper'' s son, aint you? Father went round slapping peopWs chops, didnH he ? " Then followed a short fight, in which, as might have been expected, " Old chop-slapper's son " got rather the worst of it. There was no excuse for being sick that morning, so our passengers, still pale, but with cheerful hope depicted in their countenances, soon began to throng the deck, segars were again brought into requisition, and we had an opportunity of ascertaining "whether there was any Bourbon among us." A capital set of fellows they were. There was Moore, and Parker, and Bowers (one of Joe Bowers' boys), and Sarsa- parilla Meade, and Freeman, which last mentioned gentle- men, so amusing were they, appeared to be travelling expressly to entertain us. And there were no ladies, which to me was a blessed dispensation. " Oh, woman I in our hours of ease Uncertain, coy, and hard to please ; When pain and anguish "wring the hrow, A ministering angel thou." Certainly : but at sea. Woman, you are decidedly disa- greeable. In the first place, you generally bring babies with you, which are a crying evil, and then you have to have the best state-room and the first seat at the table, and monopolize the captain's attention and his room, and you make remarks to one another about us, and our segars and profanity, and 196 PHOENIX IS ON THE SEA. accuse us of singing rowdy songs, nights ; and you generally wind up by doing some scandalous tiling yourself, when half of us take your part and the other half don't, and we get air together by the ears, and a pretty state of affairs ensues. No, woman ! you are agreeable enough on shore, if taken homeopathically, but on a steamer, you are a decided nuisance. We had a glorious day aboard the old Northerner ; we played whist, and sang songs, and told stories, many of which were coeval with our ancient school-lessons, and like them came very easy, gojng over the second time, and many drank strong waters, and becoming mopsed thereon, toasted " the girls we'd left behind us," whereat one, who, being a tem- perance man, had guzzled soda-water until his eyes seemed about to 'po'p from his head, pondered deeply, sighed, and said nothing. And so we laughed, and sang, and played, and whiskied, and soda-watered through the day. And fast the old Northerner rolled on. And at night the Captain gave us a grand game supper in his room, at which game we played not, but went at it in sober earnest ; and then there were more songs (the same ones, though, and the same stories too, over again), and some speechifying, and much fun, until at eight bells we separated, some shouting, some laughing, some crying (but not with sorrow), but all extremely happy, and so we turned in. But before I sought state-room A that night, I executed a small scheme, for insuring undisturbed repose, which I had revolved in my mind during the day, and which met with the most brilliant success, as you shall hear. You remember the two snobs that every night, in the PHCENIX IS ON THE SEA. 197 pursuit of exercise under difficulties, walk up and down on the deck, arm in arm, riglit over your state-room. You remember how, when just as you are getting into your first doze, they commence, tramp ! tramp ! tramp ! right over your head ; then you " hear them fainter, fainter still ; " you listen in horrible dread of their return, nourishing the while a feeble-minded hope that they may have gone below — when, horror ! here they come, louder, louder, till tramp ! tramp ! tramp ! they go over your head again, and with rage in your heart, at the conviction that sleep is impossible, you sit up in bed and despairingly light an unnecessary segar. They were on board the Northerner^ and the night before had aroused my indignation to that strong pitch that I had determined on their downfall. So, before retiring, I proceeded to the upper deck, and there did I quietly attach a small cord to the stanchions, which stretching across, about six inches from the planking, formed what in maritime matters is known as a " booby trap." This done, I repaired to my room, turned in and calmly awaited the result. In ten minutes they came, I heard them laughing together as they mounted the ladder. Then commenced the exercise, louder, louder, tramp ! tramp ! — thump ! (a double-barrelled thump) down they came together, " Oh, what a fall was there my countrymen." Two deep groans were elicited, and then followed what, if published, would make two closely printed royal octavo pages of pro- fanity. I heard them d — ^n the soul of the man that did it. It was my soul that they alluded to, but I cared not, I lay there chuckling ; " they called, but I answered not again," 198 PHCENIX IS ON THE SEA. and when at length they limped away, their loud profanity, suhdued to a blasphemous growl, I turned over in a sweet frame of mind and, falling instantaneously asleep, dreamed a dream, a happy dream of " home and thee " — Susan Ann Jane ! The next morning bright and early, the Coronados hove in sight, and at 10 o'clock we rounded Point Loma and ran alongside the coal hulk Clarissa Andrews, at the Playa of San Diego — just forty-nine hours from San Francisco. The captain (he is the crew also) of the Clarissa Andrews, the gallant Bogart, stood on her rail ready to catch our flying line, and in a few moments we were secured alongside, our engine motionless and my journey ended. It was with no small regret that I bade adieu to our merry passengers and our glorious captain. Noble fellow ! I don't wonder enthusiastic passengers get up subscriptions and make speeches and present plate and trumpets, and what not to such men. It's very natural. A good captain is sure to have a good ship ; a voyage with him becomes an agreeable matter ; he makes his passen- gers happy and they very naturally fall in love with him, and seek some method of displaying their attachment and " trum- peting his praise abroad." Our captain was one of this sort ; kind, courteous and obliging, and " every inch a sailor," he is as much beloved and respected by his passengers as Dick Whiting of the California (who to my mind is the ne plus ultra of steamboat men), and when I say that the first letter PHGENIX IS ON THE SEA. 199 of his name is Isham, I'm sure every body that ever travelled with him, will agree with me. The Northerner, too, is a splendid and most comfortable ship, as which of the Pacific Mail boats are not ? however. And this subject brings to my mind a little circumstance which took place the day before I left San Francisco. A shabby-genteel individual, with a pale face, in the cen- tre of which shone a purple nose that couldn't be beat (though it resembled the vegetable of that name), called on me, and drawing from his coat-tail pocket, with an air of mystery, a voluminous manuscript, spread it solemnly before me and requested my signature. It was a petition to Con- gress, or Mr. Pierce, or John Bigler, or somebody, to trans- fer the contract for carrying the mails, from the " Pacific Company" to " Vanderbilt's Line," and was signed by Brown & Co., Jones & Co., Smith & Brothers, Noakes, Stiles & Thompson, and ever so many more responsible firms, whereof I recognized but one, which deals in candy nightly at the cor- ner of Commercial and Montgomery streets, and pays no taxes, and whose correspondence with the Eastern States I suspect is not large. I love to sign my name. It is a weakness that most modest men have. I love to write it, and cut it, and scratch it in steeples, and monuments, and other places of public resort. Most men do. It looks pretty, passes away the time, perpetuates their memory among posterity, and costs nothing. I frequently buy something that I don't want at all, just for the pleasure of signing my name to a check — (I bought a ridiculous buggy the other day for no other reason 200 PHOENIX IS ON THE SEA. that I can imagine.) But I had no inclination to append my autograph to that petition, and I declined, positively and per- emptorily — declined. My friend with the nose rolled up his eyes and rolled up his paper, pocketed it, and was about to withdraw. " Stop ! " said I, as a vivid recollection flashed across my mind ; " what are you going about with that paper for ? Didn't I see you a few months ago marching down the street at the head of a long procession, bearing a big banner with " Vanderbilt's Death Line ! " in great letters thereon, and giving vent to all sorts of scurrility against the Nica- ragua route ? " The red nose grew redder, as he muttered something about " a man's being obliged to get a living," and he retired. I saw him go and get his boots blacked by a Frenchman right opposite, give him a quarter, and get him to sign his name, which that exile did and thought it was a receipt for the money, and I laughed heartily. But it is no laughing matter. Having taken leave of all on board the dear old North- erner ^ and shaken hands twice all round, during which process the mate sang out, " Bare a hand there," and I mechanically took off my glove, McAuburn and I were transported to the shore, where, while waiting for a wagon to take us to the old town of San Diego, we stopped at the little public house of the Playa, kept by a civil fellow named Donahoo, whom the Spaniards here, judging from his name {DonH know who)^ believe to be the son of old " Quien sabe " himself What befell us there and thereafter I will shortly inform you. PHOENIX m SAN DIEGO. The Bay of San Diego is shaped like a boot, the leg forming the entrance from the sea, and the toe extending some twelve miles inland at right angles to it, as a matter of course, points southward to the latter end of Mexico, from which it is distant at present, precisely three miles ! The three villages then, which go to make up the great city of San Diego, are the " Playa," " Old Town," and " New Town," or " Davis's Folly." At the " Playa " there are but few buildings at present, and these not remarkable for size or architectural beauty of design. A long, low, one-storied tenement, near the base of the hills, once occupied by rol- licking Captain Magruder, and the officers under his com- mand, is now the place where Judge Witherby, like Matthew, patiently " sits at the receipt of customs." But few customers appear, for with the exception of the mail steamers once a fortnight, and the Goliah and Ohio, two little coasting Bteamers that wheeze in and out once or twice a month, the 9* 202 PHCENIX IN SAN DIEGO. calm waters of San Diego Bay remain unruffled by keel or cutwater from one year's end to another. Such a thing as a foreign bottom has never made its appearance to gladden the Collector's heart ; in this respect, the harbor has indeed proved bottomless. Two crazy old hulks riding at anchor, and the barque Clarissa Andrews (filled with coal for P. M. S. S. Co.), wherein dwells Captain Bogart, like a second Bobinson Crusoe, with a man Friday, who is mate, cook, steward and all hands, make up the amount of shipping at the "Playa." Then there is the "Ocean House" (that's Donahoe's), and a store marked Grardiner & Bleeker, than the inside of which nothing could be bleaker, for " there's nothing in it," and an odd-looking little building on stilts out in the water, where a savan named Sabot, in the employ of the U. S. Engineers, makes mysterious observations on the tide ; and these with three other small buildings, unoccupied, a fence and a grave-yard, constitute all the " improvements" that have been made at the " Playa." The ruins of two old hide-houses, immortalized by Dana in his " Two Years before the Mast," are still standing, one bearing the weather-beaten name of Tasso. We examined these and got well bitten by fleas for our trouble. We also examined the other great curiosity of the Playa — a natural one — being a cleft in the adjacent hills, some hundred feet in depth, with a smooth, hard floor of white sand, and its walls of indurated clay, per- forated with cavities, wherein dwell countless numbers of great white owls, from which circumstance. Captain Bogart calls it " Owldom " PH(ENIX IN SAN DIEGO. 203 Throusli this cleft we marched into the bowels of the land without impediment, for nearly half a mile, when being brought to a stand still by a high, smooth wall, McAuburn did proceed to carve thereon a name. But as he laid out his work on too extensive a scale, the letters being about three feet in length — though he worked with amazing energy — ^he got no farther than this — JO, when his knife broke and the inscription remained incomplete. Whether, therefore, it was intended to perpetuate to posterity the memory of the great Joseph Bowers, or one of his girls, we may never know, as Mac showed no disposition to be communicative, and indeed requested me to " dry up," when I questioned him on the subject. From present appearances, one would be little dis- posed to imagine that the " Playa " in five or six years might become a city of the size of Louisville, with brick buildings, paved streets, gas lights, theatres, gambling houses, and so forth. It is not at all improbable, however, should the great Pacific Railroad terminate at San Diego, an event within the range of probability, the " Playa" must be the depot, and as such will become a point of great importance. The land- holders about here are well aware of this fact, and conse- quently affix already incredible prices to very unprepossessing pieces of land. Lots of one hundred and fifty feet front, not situated in particularly eligible places either, have been sold within the last few weeks for five hundred dollars apiece. " De gusiihus,''^ &c. At present I confess I should prefer the money to the real estate. While at the Playa, I had the pleasure of forming an acquaintance with the Pilot, Captain 204 PHCENIX IN SAN DIEGO. Wm. G. Oliver, as noble a specimen of a sailor as you would wish to see. He was a lieutenant in the Texas navy, under the celebrated Moore, and told me many yarns concerning that gallant commander. Great injustice, I think, has been done in not giving to these officers the rank to which they are entitled in our service. Captain Oliver would do honor to any navy in the world, for beside being a thorough seaman^ he is an accomplished and agreeable gentleman. Leaving the Playa in a wagon drawn by two wild mules, driven at the top of their speed, by the intrepid Donaho, Mac and I were whirled over a hard road, smooth and even as a ball-room floor^ on our way to "Old Town." Five miles from the "Playa" we passed the estate of the Hon. John Hays, County Judge of San Diego, an old Texian, and a most amiable gentleman. The judge has a fine farm of eighty or one hundred acres, under high cultivation, and what few gen- tlemen in California can boast of — a private fish pond ! He has enclosed some twenty acres of the fiats near his residence, having a small outlet, with a net attached, from which he daily makes a haul almost equalling the miraculous draught on the Lake Gennesaret. The old town of San Diego is pleasantly situated on the left bank of the little river that bears its name. It contains, perhaps, a hundred houses, some of wood, but mostly of the " Adoban " or " Gresan " order of architecture. A small Plaza forms the centre of the town, one side of which is occu- pied by a little adobe building used as a court room, the " Colorado House," a wooden structure, whereof the second PIKE NIX IN SAN DIEGO. 205 story is occupied by the San Diego Herald^ as a vast sign bearing that legend informed us, and the Exchange, a hos- telry, at which wc stopped. This establishment is kept by Hoof (familiarly known as Johnny, but whom I once chris- tened Cloven)^ and Tibbctts, who is also called Two hitts, in honorable distinction from an unworthy partner he once had, who obtained unenviable notoriety as " Picayune Smitlt.^^ On entering, we found ourselves in a large bar and billiard room fitted up with customary pictures and mirrors. Here I saw Lieut. Derby, of the Topograpical Engineers, an elderly ^^"^'^^ gentleman of emaciated appearance, and serious cast of features. Constant study and unremitting attention to his laborious duties have reduced him almost to a skeleton, but there are not wanting those who say that an unrequited attachment in his earlier days, is the cause of his care-worn appearance. He was sent out from Washington some months since, '■''to dam the San Diego River," and he informed me with a deep sigh and melancholy smile, that he had done it (mentally) several times since his arrival. Here, also, I made the ac- quaintance of Squire Moon, a jovial, middle-aged gentleman from the State of Georgia, who replied to my inquiries con- cerning his health, that he was " as fine as silk, but not half so well beliked by the ladies." After partaking of supper, which meal was served up in the rear of the billiard room, alfresco^ from a clothless table, upon an earthen floor, I fell in conversation with Judge Ames, the talented, good-hearted but eccentric editor of the San Diego Herald, of whom the 206 PHCENIX IN SAN DIEGO. poot Andrews, iu his immortal work, " Tho Cocopa Maid," onco profanely sang as follows : "There was a man whose name was Ames, Ilisi aims were aims of mystery ; His story odd, I think by Would make a famous history." I found " the Judge" exceedingly agreeable, urbane and well informed, and obtained from him much valuable informa- tion regarding San Diego and its statistics. San Diego con- tains at present about seven hundred inhabitants, two-thirds of whom are " native and to the manor born," the remainder, a mixture of American, English, German, Hebrew and Pike County. There are seven stores or shops in the village, where any thing may be obtained from a fine-tooth comb to a horse rako, two public houses, a Catholic church which meets in a private residence, and a Protestant ditto, to which the Rev. Dr. Reynolds, chaplain of the military post six miles distant, communicates religious intelligence every Sunday afternoon. San Diego is the residence of Don Juan Bandini, whose mansion fronts on one side of the Plaza. He is well known to the early settlers of California as a gentleman of distin guished politeness and hospitality-. His wife and daughters are among the most beautiful and accomplished ladies of our State. One of the latter is married to Mr. Stearns, a very wealthy and distinguished resident of Los Angelos, another to Col. Couts, late a Lieutenant in the first regiment of U. S. dragoons, and another to Mr. Charles Johnson, who for a PHCENTX IN SAN DIEGO. 207 long time was the agent of the P. M. S. S. Company at this place. The whole family is highly connected and universally respected. Having smoked the pipe of contemplation, and played a game of billiards with a young gentleman who remarked, " he could give me fifty and beat me," which he certainly did, with a celerity that led me to conclude " he couldn't do any thing else," I retired for the night, but not to sleep, as I fondly imagined. Fleas ? rather ! I say nothing at present ; my feelings of indignation against those wretched insects are too deep for utterance. On another occasion, when in a milder mood, I intend to write a letter concerning and condemnatory of them, and publish it. Yes, by Heaven, if I have to pay for it as an advertisement ! The next morning, bright and early, I parted with my young military friend McAuburn, who was about to join his company at the Gila River. " Good bye. Phoenix," says he, " God bless you, old fellow ! And look here, if you go to San Francisco, tell her — no, by George ! you always make fun of every thing. Good bye." So he wrung my hand and galloped away, and I stood looking after him till his prancing horse and graceful figure were hid by the projecting hills of the old Presidio. " Blessings go with you my boy ! " said I, "for a fine, honest, noble-hearted young chap, you haven't many superiors in the U. S. Army ; and happy, in my opinion, is the woman who gets you." How I went to a Baile, and visited " New Town," and rode forth to the Mission, and attended a Fiesta, and the ex- 208 PHCENIX IN SAN DIEGO. traordinary adventures that befell me there, shall form the subject of a future epistle ; at present my time is too much occupied, for lo, / am, an editor I Hasn't Ames gone to San Francisco (with this very letter in his pocket), leaving a notice in his last edition, " that during his absence an able literary friend will assume his position as editor of the Herald," and am I not that able literary friend? (Heaven save the mark.) " You'd better believe it." I've been writing a " leader " and Tinny anecdotes all day (which will account for the dryness of this production), and such a " leader," and such anecdotes. I'll send you the paper next week, and if you don't allow that there's been no such publication, weekly or serial, since the days of the " Bunkum Flagstaff," I'll craw fish^ and take to reading Johnson's Dictionary. Fraternally — ahem ! Yours. CAMP EEMINISCENCES. Pkrhaps, you will not object to a few short military yarns which I have hastily twined for your edification. And if the interesting, fair-haired, blue-eyed (or otherwise) son of the reader, now sitting on his knee, on hearing them, should look confidingly into his parent's face, and inquire — " Is that true, Papa ? " reply, oh reader, unhesitatingly — " My son, it is." Many years since, during the height of the Florida war, a company of the Second Infantry made their camp for the night, after a rainy day's march, by the bank of a muddy stream that sluggishly meandered through a dense and un- wholesome everglade. Dennis Mulligan, the red-haired Irish servant of the commanding officer, having seen his master's tent comfortably pitched, lit a small fire beneath a huge palmetto, and having cut several slices of fat pork from the daily ration, proceeded to fry that edible for the nightly repast. 210 CAMP REMINISCENCES. In the deep gloom of the evening, silence reigned un- broken but by the crackling of Dennis's small fire and the frizzling of the pork as it crisped and curled in the mighty mess-pan, when suddenly, with a tremendous " whoosh," the leaves of the palmetto were disturbed and a great barred owl, five feet from tip to tip, settled in the foliage. Dennis was superstitious, most Irishmen are, and startled by the disturbance, he suspended for an instant his culinary opera- tions, and frying-pan in hand, gazed slowly and fearfully about him. Persuading himself that the noise was but the effect of imagination, he again addressed himself to his task, when the owl set up his fearful hoot, which sounded to the horrified ears of Dennis, like, " Who — cooks — -for you — all ? Again he suspended operations, again gazed fearfully forth into the night, again persuaded himself that his imagination was at fault, and was about to return to his task, when accidentally glancing upward he beheld the awful countenance and glaring eyes of the owl turned downward upon him, and from that cavernous throat in hollow tones, again issued the question, " Who — who — cooks— for you — all ? " " God bless your honor," said poor Dennis, while the mess-pan shook in his quivering grasp, and the unheeded pork poured forth a molten stream, which, falling upon the flames, caused a burst of illu- mination that added to the terrors of the scene, " God bless your honor, I cooks for Captain Eaton, but I don't know sir, who cooks for the rest of the gintlemen." A burst of fiendish lauffhter followed — ^from those who had witnessed the in- CAMP REMINISCENCES. 211 cident unseen, and " Dennis's Devil " became a favorite yarn in the Second Infantry from that time forth. In New Mexico, at some time during the last two years, Capt. A. B. of the First Dragoons, commanding Company, had been stationed about forty miles from a small post commanded by Lieut. 0. B. of the Infantry. One day Capt. B. concluded to ride over and give his neighbor a call ; so throwing himself athwart a noble horse, he started, and after a hard gallop — forty miles is a respectable ride you know — he arrived at 0. B.'s tent just as the drummer was performing that popular air, " Oh, the roast beef of Old England." Reining in his horse and shaking hands with 0. B., who came forth to greet him, " on hospitable thought intent," he said, " Well, Lawrence, been to dinner ? " " No, I haven't," was the reply, " just going, come in, come in ; " " Devilish glad of it," said Capt. B. dismounting, " never was so hungry in all my life." " Well, come in," said 0. B., and they went in accordingly, and took seats at a small uncovered pine table, on which a servant shortly placed a large tin pan full of boiled rice, and a broken bottle half full of mustard. The Captain looked despairingly around — there was nothing else. " Abe," said 0. B., as he drew the tin pan towards him, "are you fond of boiled rice ? " " Well, no," said Abe, somewhat hesitatingly, " I can't say that I am — very — Lawrence." " Ah," replied Lawrence, coolly, " well just help yourself to the mustard ! " " He was from South Carolina," said B., 212 CAMP REMINISCENCES. when he told this story, " and they eat rice down there some- what." For the following, Lieut. W. of the Engineers is re- sponsible. He told it to me in 1852, at the Cafe of Do- minico, in Havana. Old Col. Tom S. of the Infantry, a very large, burly, red- faced gentleman, with a snow-white head and a voice like a bass trombone, has an unfortunate habit of thinking out loud. While stationed temporarily in Washington, the old gentle- man one Sunday morning, took it into his head to go to church, where he took a seat in a pew beneath the pulpit, and, prayer-book in hand, attentively followed the clergyman through the service. It happened to be the 17th day of the month ; but in giving out the Psalms for the day, the Rev. Mr. P. made a mistake and announced — '' The 16th day of the month, morning prayer, beginning at the 79th Psalm." When to the astonishment of the congregation. Old Col. Tom in the pew below, in a deep bass voice thought aloud — " The nth day of the month, hy Jupiter ! " The clergyman im- mediately corrected himself — " Ah ! the 17th day of the month, morning prayer, beginning at the 86th Psalm." When the propriety of the assembly was immediately dis- turbed by another thought from Old Tom, who in the same deep tone remarked, " Had him there ! " He had, certainly, and the congregation also. Two years ago, when the gallant Col. Magruder, of con- vivial memory, commanded the U. S. forces at the Mission of San Diego, it entered into that officer's head to execute a CAMP REMINISCENCES. 213 serenade for the behoof of certain fair ladies then honoring New Town with their presence. Accordingly all the ofl&cers of the mess who could sing, play, or beat time, were pressed into the service, and one night about 12 o'clock, a jolly crowd loft the Mission for New Town, in a large wagon plentifully furnished with guitars, flutes, and other arangements of a musical nature. Among the rest, a jovial young surgeon, attached to the command, had installed himself on the back seat, with his instrument ; which happened on this occasion to be a bottle of whiskey, and on which he played during the ride with such effect as to have raised his spirits on the ar- rival at New Town, considerably above the fifth ledger line. You may remember a Bowery song, rather popular in those days, the chorus of which ran — " Oh my name is Jake Keyser, I was born in Spring Garden, To make me a preacher, my father did try ; But it's no nse a blowing, for I am a hard one, And I am bound to be a butcher, by Heavens, or die." This unfortunate song had somehow or other occurred to the Doctor, he couldn't get rid of it, he couldn't help singing it ; and accordingly when the whole party were duly ranged beneath the window and with flutes and voices upraised, were solemnly bleating forth " Oft in the stilly night," the entertainments were disagreeably varied ; for far louder 214 CAMP REMINISCENCES. than the " stilly night," rang the wild medical chant, only varied by an occasional hie, " Oh my name is Jake Keyser," &c. This was not to be borne ; so turning fiercely on the de- linquent Esculapius, Col. Magruder commanded him to desist from the interruption, and to " thenceforth hold his peace." With admirable strategy the Doctor backed up against an adjacent fence, where he could deliver himself safely and to advantage, and with most intense dignity replied — " Col. Magrudger, I'm rofficer of the arry, when I'm ath' Mission, I'm under your orrers ; consider se'f so — and — obey 'im ; But^ when I'm down here sir ! serrerading — " Oh, Tm. hound to he a huicher^ hy Heavens^, or die ! whoop ! " and after per- forming an extempore dance, of a frantic description, during which he fell to the earth, the Doctor was borne by main force to the wagon, where he slept at intervals during the re- mainder of the serenade, occasionally waking as some flourish of extra shrillness or power occurred, to mutter incoherently, that his " name was Jake Keyser." My last sheet of paper is exhausted, so I presume is your patience. I have glanced hastily over my work to see if there is any thing that Miss Pecksniff may object to ; I see nothing. A little blank swearing, to be sure, but I grieve to say that it is difficult to relate stories without, for since the days of Uncle Toby and the Flanders campaign CAMP REMINISCENCES. 215 there is no question but what the army have sworn terribly ; but I really believe that " they don't mean any thing by it, it's just a way they've got," which is a remark made by an affectionate father, when told that his seven children had all been seized with the measles in one night. — Adieu. " Wheii other lips and other hearts," &c. Yours respectively. JONN PHCENIX TO THE PIONEEK. San Diego, Cal., April 20th, 1S54. On receiving my long-promised file of The Pioneer , accom- panied by your affecting entreaty to " Come over into Mace- donia and help us," deeply impressed with the importance of the crisis, I rushed about this village as wildly as a fowl de- capitated, but with purpose more intent. Hastily collecting our Improvisator!, including "the Squire," " his Reverence," and the funny " Scheherazade," I besought them in the name of humanity, and by the mem- ory of Miller, to tell me quickly their choicest anecdotes, their raciest puns, and newest conundrums, that I might collate them for your benefit, and San Diego assume its prop- er literary position at (not under) your editorial table. My success was encouraging, and I herewith present you a choice selection of the anecdotes accumulated, which have at least the merit claimed by the late Ben Jonson for an original piece of blank verse ; for " Poetry or not poetry, they're true by JOHN PIKE NIX TO THE PIONEER. 217 Heavens." In the course of my researches, I collected many quite new and particularly shocking sayings of blasphemous little children ; but I shall not tell you these, for with all due deference to the taste of those who have rendered this style of literature fashionable of late, I cannot refrain from ex- pressing the opinion that the subject has been rather " insert- ed in the earth ; " and if that wicked old Clark, of the Knickerbocker^ don't roast hereafter for starting it, we're go- ing to have a much easier time in the next world than my knowledge of the Scriptures gives reason to believe. " De gustibus non est disputandum," as the old lady remarked with an affectionate simper, when she kissed her cow. Here are the stories — mira. In 1849, " Jacks & Woodruff" kept on Clay street, just above Kearney, one of the largest jewelry establishments in San Francisco. Jacks (who, by the way, is one of the fun- niest men that ever lived), being well-known and universally popular, in order to let new arrivals among his home ac- quaintances know that he was round, had his name, Pulaski Jacks, painted in big capitals on a sheet of tin, and nailed up beside the door. One day a tall, yellow-haired, sun-burned Pike, in the butternut-colored hat, coat and so forths " of the period," entered and accosted Woodruff, who was behind the counter, with, " Say, stranger, I want to take a look of them new-fangled things of yourn." " What things, sir ? " " Why them Pulaski Jacks ! " " Why that," said Woodruff, laughing, " is my partner's name. Jacks & Woodruff; name's Pulaski— Pulaski Jacks— see ? " '* No ! " said Pike, " is it ! " 10 218 JOHN PHCENIX TO THE PIONEER. Well, looks like ; darned if I knowed it though ; I swar I didn't know as they was hooi-jacks or jack-asses ; ho ! ho ! " And taking another good long look at the object of his curios- ity, he travelled. Jacks took that tin thing down. — Sug- gestive, this is, of a story told us not long since by Maj. E. of the army, which we are not aware ever appeared before in print ; " least-ways," we never saw it. A solemn-looking fel- low, with a certain air of dry humor about the corners of his rather sanctimonious mouth, stepped quietly one day, into the tailoring establishment of " Call & Tuttle," Boston, Mass., and quietly remarked to the clerk in attendance, " I want to tuttle.^^ " What do you mean, sir ? " inquired the astonished official. " Well," rejoined he, " I want to tuttle — noticed your invitation over the door, so I called, and now I should like to tuttle ! " He was ordered to leave the establishment, which he did, with a look of angry wonder, grumbling, soUo voce, that it seemed devilish hard he couldn't be allowed to tuttle after an express invitation. — And this again reminds us of a facetious performance of the late J. P. Squibob, who, " once on a time," while walking down Pennsylvania Avenue, was sorely mysti- fied by a modest little sign, standing in the window of a neat little shop on the left-hand side as you go down. The sign bore, ingayly painted letters, the legend, " Washington Ladies' Depository." Flattening his nose against the window, Squi- bob descried two ladies, whom he describes as of exceeding beauty, neatly dressed and busily engaged in sewing, behind a little counter. The fore-ground was filled with lace caps, babies' stockings, compresses for the waist, capes, collars and JOHN FHGENIX TO THE PIONEER. 219 other articles of stUl life. Hat in hand. Squibob reverently entered, and with intense politeness, addressed one of the ladies as follows : " Madam, I perceive by your sign that this is the depository for Washington ladies ; I am going to the North for a few days, and should be pleased to leave my wife in your charge — But I don't know, if by your rules you could receive her, as she is a Baltimore woman ! " " One of the ladies," says Squibob, " a pretty little girl in a blue dress^ sewing on a thing that looked like a pillow-case with arm- holes, turned very red, and holding down her head, made the remark ^ tehe P But the elder of the twain, after making as if she would laugh, but by a strong-minded effort holding in, replied, * Sir, you have made a mistake ; this is the place where the society of Washington ladies deposit their work, to be sold for the benefit of the distressed natives of the Island of Fernando de Noronha,' or words to that effect." Gravely did the wicked Squibob bow, all solemnly begged her pardon, and putting on his hat, walked off, followed by a sound from that depository, as of an autumnal brook, gurgling and babbling gayly 'over its pebbly bed in a New England forest. My stock is my no means exhausted, but " Demasiado de una cosa buena es demasiado,'*^ as Don Juan remarked when he took twenty-four Brandreth's pills and his wife earnestly solicited him to swallow the box. Next month, Deo volente, you shall hear from me again ; till then adieu. KEVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. PREPARED BY JOHN PHGENIX. Life and Times of Joseph Bowers the Elder. Collated from Unpublished Papers of the Late John P. Squihoh. By J. Bowers, Jr. V'allecitos : Hyde & Seekim, 1854. Many of your readers will doubtless remember to have been occasionally mystified, when, struck by the remarkable beauty of some passing female stranger, or by the flashes of wit sparkling from the lips of some gentlemanly unknown, on making the inquiry, " Who is that ? " the reply has been given, ' Oh that is one of old Joe Bowers' girls," or boys, as the case may have been ; and they will also remember that when about to propound the naturally succeeding question, " Who is Old Joe Bowers ? " they have been deterred from so doing, by a peculiar smile, and an indefinable glance of the eye, ap- proximating to what is vulgarly termed a wink, on the part of their informant. REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. 221 Such persons, and indeed ail wlio seek to improve their minds bj indulging a wholesome curiosity as to the private history of the good and great of earth, will be glad to hear that this question of " Who is Joseph Bowers? " is about to be definitely answered. Through the kindness of Messrs. Hyde and Seekim of Val- lecitos, we have been permitted to glance over the proof-sheets of their forthcoming work, the title of which is given above, and to make therefrom such selections as we may deem suf- ficient to interest the public in promoting the filial design of the younger Bowers, to transmit the name and virtues of his honored sire to posterity. Joseph Bowers the elder (or as he is familiarly known, " Old Joe Bowers "), we learn from this history, was born in Ypsilanti, "Washtenaw county, Michigan, on the first day of April, 1776, of " poor but honest parents." His father, during the troubles of the revolutionary struggle, was en- gaged in business as a malefactor in western New York, from which part of the country he was compelled to emigrate, by the prejudio^s and annoyances of the bigoted settlers among whom he had for many years conducted his operations. Emi- grating suddenly, in fact " with such precipitation," says the narrator, " that my grandfather took nothing with him of his large property, but a single shirt, which he happened to have about him at the time he formed his resolution," he found himself after a journey of several days, of vicissitude and suf- fering, upon the summit of a hill overlooking a beautiful val- ley in the fertile Stats of Michigan. Struck by the beauty 222 REVIEW OP NEW BOOKS. of the surrounding scenery, lie leaped from the ground in his enthusiasm, and cracking his heels twice together while in the air (" by which " says the narrator, with much naivete^ " my grandfather didn't mean anything, it was just a way he'd got "), he uttered the stirring cry of " Yip ! — silanti ! " from which memorable circumstance the place thereafter took its name. Here he finally settled, and marrying afterward a young lady whom the author somewhat obscurely speaks of as " one of 'em," had issue, the subject of this narrative, and finally ended his career of usefulness, by falling from a cart in which he had been standing, addressing a numerous audi- ence, and in which fall he unfortunately broke his neck. Our limits will not permit us at present to do more than glance hastily over the stirring incidents in the life of the elder Bowers. He appears to have been connected in some way with almost every prominent event of the times in which he lived. We find him a servant and afterwards a confiden- tial friend and adviser of Gren. Cass ; consulted on matters of religion by G-en. Jackson ; an admirer of one of Col. Dick Johnson's daughters (by the way it was Bowers who slew Tecumseh !), an ardent admirer and intimate friend of Mr. Tyler ; Gen. Pillow's military adviser ; special messenger from Mr. Polk to Santa Anna ; professional adviser of Mr. Corwin in the matter of the Gardner Claim ; the first to nominate Mr. Pierce for the Presidency, and after his arri- val in California, the agent of Limantour ; friend and Secre- tary of Pio Pico ; adviser of Walker ; amanuensis for Peck ; owner of a great part of the extended Water Front of San REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. 223 Francisco, and a partner in a celebrated Candy Manufactory on Long Wharf, with a Branch in Washington street. His literary labors and success have been great ; few of your readers but have seen his signature (Anon.) in Newspapers, Magazines, the New Reader and First Class Books ; he has edited several of our City papers, and we add it in a whis- per, is The author of Idealina. We may hereafter revert to these incidents in his event- ful life ; at present, as we before remarked, our limits forbid our enlarging upon them, as we wish to make room for a few extracts from the work, which, exhibiting the great man's manner of thought and expression, will do more toward giv- ing our readers an insight into his character, than would pages of his biography, — ^we quote from p. 45, vol. 1 : " My father had been much annoyed by reading certain let- ters from New York to the AUa California^ signed 'W.' The plagiarisms and egotistic remarks of which they were made up disgusted him. They remind me, he said — expectorating upon the carpet, a habit he had when much offended — of the back of a lady's dress ; they are all hooks and I's. I ventured to ask him, why he did not reply to them ? Sir, said he, making a beautiful adaptation that I have never heard equalled, ' Where impudence ia wit, His folly to reply .'"' Comment is unnecessary ; let us proceed, p. 47, vol. 1. " On arriving at Nevada, we unsaddled and turned out our horses, and taking our saddles and blankets beneath our arms, re- 224 REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. paired to the Inn. My fother was exceedingly fatigued by the journey, and hastened to throw himself into the first chair that offered. As he did so, I thoughtlessly drew the chair from under him, and much to my sorrow and chagrin he fell with great vio- lence upon the floor. The shock with which he came down dis- composed him not a little, and a paper of pump tacks which had fallen from the table and scattered over the floor exactly where he Avas seated, materially increased his uneasiness. " I shall not soon forget his indignant reproof. ' Joseph, my son,' said he, ' never, never again attempt a practical joke ; it is a false, unfeeling, traitorous amusement. Remember, sir,' said he, as he painfully rose, and reached to the table for a small claw hammer to draw the tacks, ' remember the fate of the first prac- tical joker and profit thereby;' I ventured humbly to ask him who this was ; ' Jadas Iscariot,' he replied with bitterness, ' he sold his master, and you know well what came of it.' I was overpowered with remorse." This is very affecting. On p. 49, we find the following : " We were much disturbed during the night by the hoarse braying of a donkey in the stable-yard. I remarked to my father that he (the donkey) was suffering with a bronchial complaint; and on his inquiring why, replied, that he had an ass-ma, subse- quently explaining the intended play upon the word asthma. Upon comprehending with some difficulty my meaning, my father immediately rose, and taking his blanket, in indignant silence left the room and the house, passing the night, as I afterwards learned,, in angry meditation beneath a tree in the Plaza." Very properly we think. The following is rather amusing, p. 108, vol. 1 : " After his second interview with Senator Peck, I endeav-^^^d to learn from my father the result of his proposal. ' Peck talks REVJET'.V OF NEW BOOKS. 225 a great deal,' said lie, ' but it is very diflficult to tell Avliat he is going to do ; or to what side he belongs. In fact I begin to be- lieve he is all talk and no cider/ ^ " Precisely the opinion expressed by a number of others. Turning back to page 82, vol. 1 , we find the following : " I turned to my father and asked him why it was that women were so frequently robbed by pick-pockets, in public carriages ; 'they must,' I observed, 'be conscious that the rogues are feeling about them.' 'Yes,' he replied, 'but ' a fellow feeling makes thetn Avondrous kind.' ' I was struck by the force of this re- mark," Probably. Thus much for young Joe. On taking up the second volume, we find it mainly filled with incidents in the life of the elder Bowers, from the pen of the lamented J. P. Squibob, who, it appears, during his life, contemplated getting up, himself, the work which young Bowers has completed. We make a ♦3W 'xtracts in which the style of the lamented S. will be readily recognized, " ' JTo man,' said Bowers, sententiously, ' should indulge in more than one bad habit at a time. If I am a drunkard, it is no reason why I should ruin my character by gambling or licentious- ness ; or, if I love the ladies inordinately,' and here the old fel- low looked indescribably waggish, 'why should I add to the enormity by indulging also in cards and liquor ? No,' added he, ' one bad habit is enough for any man to indulge in.' " "'An- J v/hy, Mr. Bowers,' said Jones, 'have you given up smoking ? ' " ' Because I cheicSy replied the old fellow, with a quiet chuckle, ' and therein I carry out my principle." 10* 226 REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. ''Jones pondered a minute, but lie couldn't ' see it,' and shak- ing his head musingly, he slowly dispersed." — p. 19. Mr. Bowers mentioned to me as deserving the commisera- tion of the charitable and benevolent^ the distressing case of a journeyman shoemaker who had lost his Utile awl. — ^p. 31, vol. 2. The following smacks, to us, slightly of " Jeems : " " It was on a lovely morning in the sweet spring time, when * two horsemen might have been seen ' slowly descending one of the gentle acclivities that environ the picturesque village of San Diego. It was a bright and a sunny day, and the shrubbery and trees around were alive with the harmonious warbliog of the feathered songsters of the grove. ' And oh ! ' sighed the younger of the twain, ' would that my existence might be like that of these fair birds — one constant, unwearying dream of love.' ' Aye,' responded the elder, a man of years and of experience, known to the readers of this history as Joseph Bowers the elder, ' Aye, my brave youth, they are indeed a happy raoo, and the spring is to them their happiest season, for they are now engaged in pairing.' '"And where, my father,' inquired the curious youth, 'do they go to pair ? ' " ' Up into the pear-trees^ probably^'' rejoined old Joe, with a quaint smile. "The son, with the air of one who has acquired a curious and useful piece of information, rode quietly on, and the silence that ensued was unbroken, but by his asking his parent for the tobacco, until they arrived at the village." — ^p. 47. Young Bowers was reading to the author of his existence, some passages from Lickspittle's life of Greneral Pierce, of whom (the general, not the author) old Joe is a great admire *. REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. 227 On arriving at that affecting anecdote of the liberality of the General in bestowing a cent upon a forlorn boy to enable him to purchase candy like his playmates, Bowers commanded his offspring to pause. Young Joe reverently obeyed. " 'The General,' said Joseph dogmatically, ' should never have mentioned that circumstance, never." " ' And why, my father? ' asked his son. " ' Because,' replied the philosopher, ' Silence gives a eent, or I've read my Bible to very little purpose.' • *' And acknowledging the application of Scripture by a con- curring nod, young Joe resumed his literary labors, and his father the pipe, which he had withdrawn for the enunciation of his sentiments." — p. 81, vol. 2. With the following exquisite morgeau from the pen of old Joe Bowers himself, it being the commencement of a tale, which concludes the book, we must conclude our extracts. The tale is entitled " The Dun Filly of Arkansas, or Thereby Hangs a Tail." " Many a long year ago, when the ' Child's Own Book' was all true — when fairies peopled every moonlit glen, and animals enjoyed the power of conversation, in a sequestered dell, beneath the shadow of a mighty oak, upon a carpet of the springiest and most verdant moss, disported a noble horse of Arabian blood, and his snow- whit 3 bride,' The Lily of the Prairie.' " ' And oh ! ray noble lover,' said the Lily, as in playful ten- derness she seized and shook between her teeth, a lock of his coal- black mane, ' may I indeed believe thy vows ? Hast thou forgot- ten for aye, the dun filly of Arkansas ? And wilt thou ever, ever be faithless to me again ?' " ' Nay, dearest,' he replied. " And she neighed." 228 REVIEW OF NEW BOOKS. From these extracts, the reader will get an idea of the nature of the forthcoming work, which we trust will find a place on their centre-tables, in their libraries and reading- rooms. We subjoin a few notices from the southern press, handed us by Mr. Bowers ; the marks in the margin of each having been made with a pencil, probably by himself : " The most elegant book of the season — with greater attrac- tions for the eje of taste and the enlightened mind than any other." — Vallecitos Sentinel. $1,25, pd. " These volumes will have a permanent and increasing value, and will adorn the libraries and centre-tables of American fami- lies as long as American literature continues to be read." — San Isabel Vaquero. $3 pd.foj' two insertions., and another notice for tioo bottles of tcMsJce^y — J. B. " This superb and elegant affair is the book of the season un- questionably. — Penasquitas Plcaron. 4s. two drinks, and invited him to dinner.^'' — J. B. " The typograpliy of these volumes is all that could be . de- sired. Nothing superior to it has been issued from the American Press. Bowers will be among American classics, what Goldsmith is among those of Fatherland. It is an elegant edition of tl e works of our foremost writer in the belles lettres department of literature." — Soledad Filibuster. $5, drin\ string of fisJi^ and half-pig when I Mil. — J. B. PHCENIX AT BENICIA. Benicia, Cal., 10th June, 1865. I OBSERVED your pathetic inquiry as to my whereabouts. I'm all right, sir. I have been vegetating for two or three weeks in this sweet (scented) place, enjoying myself, after a manner, in " a tranquil cot, in a pleasant spot, with a distant view of the changing sea." Howbeit, Benicia is not a Paradise. In- deed, I am inclined to think that had Adam and Eve been originally placed here, the human race would never have been propagated. It is my impression that the heat, and the wind, and some other little Benician accidents, would have been too much for them. It would have puzzled them, moreover, to disobey their instructions ; for there is no Tree of Knowledge, or any other kind in Benicia ; but if they had managed this, what, in the absence of fig-leaves, would they have done for clothing ? Maybe tul6 would have answered the purpose — there's plenty of that. I remarked to my old friend. Miss Wiggins, the other day, in a conversation on Benicia, its ad- vantages and its drawbacks, that there was not much society 230 PHOENIX AT BENICIA. here. " Wal," replied the old lady, " thar's two^ the Meth- odists and Mr. Woodbridge's, but I don't belong to nuther." "I don't either," said I, and the conversation terminated. I hardly know what to write to you ; I remind myself of the old Methodist Elder, way down on the French Broad, in Tennessee, who was unexpectedly called upon to address a Camp-Meeting. He slowly rose and ejaculated, " Brutherin," — here an idea struck him — " Brutherin," said he, " the term Brutherin arose from an old custom of the Apostles, who used to go up to the tabernacle and breathe therein ! Hence the term, Brutherin. But my brutherin," he went on, " I'm not a going to take my text from any particular part of the Bible to-night. I'll tell you," said he, with a pleasant smile, as he warmed to his work, " I'll tell you all about old brother Paul — who went down to Corinth and got into an all-fired scrape — and was knocked down — and drug out^ and left thar for dead — all of which is written by Hellicar- nassus, up the Archij^elago— 7bless-ed be the Lord ! " Now, like this " ancient worthy," who by the way went on and made a very effective speech of it, I'm not going to take my text from any thing in particular, but I will commence this rambling epistle by an anecdote of "old Brother" Tush- maker, which I think extremely probable has never yet been published. Dr. Tushmaker was never regularly bred as a physician, or surgeon, but he possessed naturally a strong mechanical genius and a fine appetite ; and finding his teeth of great ser- vice in gratifying the latter propensity, he concluded that he PHCENIX AT BENICIA. 231 could do more good in the world and create more real happi- ness therein by putting the teeth of its inhabitants in good order, than in any other way ; so Tushmaker became a den- tist. He was the man that first invented the method of placing small cog-wheels in the back teeth for the more per- fect mastication of food, and he claimed to be the original discoverer of that method of filling cavities with a kind of putty, which, becoming hard directly, causes the tooth to ache so grievously that it has to be pulled, thereby giving the dentist two successive fees for the same job. Tushmaker was one day seated in his office, in the city of Boston, Mas- sachusetts, when a stout old fellow named Byles presented him- self to have a back tooth drawn. The dentist seated his patient in the chair of torture, and opening his mouth, dis- covered there an enormous tooth, on the right-hand side, about as large, as he afterwards expressed it, " as a small Polyglot Bible." I shall have trouble with this tooth, thought Tushmaker, but he clapped on his heaviest forceps, and pulled. It didn't come. Then he tried the turn-screw, exerting his utmost strength, but the tooth wouldn't stir. " Grt away from here," said Tushmaker to Byles, " and return in a week, and I'll draw that tooth for you, or know the rea- son why." Byles got up, clapped a handkerchief to his jaw, and put forth. Then the dentist went to work, and in three days he invented an instrument which he was confident would pull any thing. It was a combination of the lever, pulley, wheel and axle, inclined plane, wedge and screw. The cast- ings were made, and the machine put up in the office, over an 232 PHCENIX AT BENICIA. iron chair, rendered perfectly stationary by iron rods going down into tlie foundations of the granite building. In a week old Byles returned ; he was clamped into the iron chair, the forceps connected with the machine attached firmly to the tooth, and Tushmaker stationing himself in the rear, took hold of a lever four feet in length. He turned it slightly Old Byles gave a groan, and lifted his right leg. Another turn ; another groan, and up went the leg again. " What do you raise your leg for ? " asked the doctor. " I can't help it," said the patient. " "Well," rejoined Tushmaker, " that tooth is bound to come now." He turned the lever clear round, with a sudden jerk, and snapped old Byles' head clean and clear from his shoulders, leaving a space of four inches between the severed parts ! They had a post mortem exam- ination — the roots of the tooth were found extending down the right side, through the right leg, and turning up in two prongs under the sole of the right foot ! " No wonder," said Tushmaker, " he raised his right leg." The jury thought so too, but they found the roots much decayed, and five surgeons swearing that mortification would have ensued in a few months, Tushmaker was cleared on a verdict of "justifiable homicide." He was a little shy of that instrument for some time afterward ; but one day an old lady, feeble and flaccid, came in to have a tooth drawn, and thinking it would come out very easy, Tushmaker concluded, just by way of variety, to try the machine. He did so, and at the first turn drew the old lady's skeleton completely and entirely from her body, leaving her a mass af quivering jelly in her chair ! Tush- PHCENIX AT BENICIA. 233 maker took her home in a pillow-case. She lived seven years after that, and they called her the " India-Rubber Woman/' She had suffered terribly with the rheumatism, but after this occurrence never had a pain in her bones. The dentist kept them in a glass case. After this, the machine was sold to the contractor of the Boston Custom-Housc, and it was found that a child of three years of age could, by a single turn of tlie screw, raise a stone weighing twenty-three tons. Smaller ones were made, on the same principle, and sold to the keepers of hotels and restaurants. They were used for boning tur- keys. There is no moral to this story whatever, and it is possible that the circumstances may have become slightly exao-o-erated. Of course, there can be no doubt of the truth of the main incidents. The following maritime anecdote was related to me by a small man in a pea-jacket and sou'-wester hat, who had salt standing in crusts all over his face. When I asked him if it were true, he replied, " The jib-sheet's a rope, and the helm's a tiller." I guess it's all right. Many years ago, on a stormy and inclement evening, " in the bleak December," old Miss Tarbox, accompanied by her niece, Mary Ann Stackpole, sailed from Holmes's Hole to Cotuit, in the topsail schooner Two Susans, Captain Black- ler. " The rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon " that schooner, and great was the tossing and pitching thereof; while Captain Blackler, and his hardy crew, " kept her to it," and old Miss Tarbox and her niece rolled about in their uncomfortable bunks, wishing 234 PHCENIX AT BENICIA. themselves back in Holmes's Hole, or any other hole, on the dry land. The shouts of Captain Bladder as he trod the deck, conveying orders for " tacking ship," were distinctly audible to the afflicted females below ; and " Oh ! " groaned old Miss Tarbox, during a tranquil interval of her internal economy, as for the fifteenth time the schooner " went in stays," " what a drefful time them pore creeturs of sailors is a having on't. Just listen to Jim Blackler, Mary Ann, and hear how he is ordering about that pore fellow, Hardy Lee. I've heerd that creetur hollered for twenty times this blessed night, if I have onst." " Yes," replied the wretched Mary Ann, as she gave a fearful retch to starboard, " but he ain't no worse off than poor Tav/psle Sail — he seems to ketch it as bad as Hardy." " I wonder who they be," mused old Miss Tarbox ; " I knowed a Miss Hall, that lived at Seekonk Pint oncet — ^mebbe it's her son." A tremendous sea taking the " Two Susans " on her quarter at this instant, put a stop to the old lady's cogitations ; but they had an awful night of it — and still above the roaring of the wind, the whistling and clashing of the shrouds, the dash of the sea, and the tramp of the sailors, was heard the voice of stout Captain Blackler, as he shouted, " Stations ! Hard a lee ! Top'sle haul ! Let go and haul," — and the " Two Susans " went about. And, as old Miss Tarbox remarked years afterward, when she and Mary Ann had discovered their mistake, and laughed thereat, *' Anybody that's never been to sea, won't see no pint to this story." Circumstances over which I have no control, will soon PHOSNIX AT BENICIA. 235 call me to a residence in Washington Territory, a beautiful and fertile field of usefulness, named for the " Father of his Country," who, I am led to understand, was " first in peace, first in war, and first in the hearts of his countrymen." As the Kentuckian remarked, " I may be heered on again, but I stand about as much chance as a bar going to the in- fernal regions (not to put too fine a point on it) without any claws." Before I go, however, I will endeavor to give you a little history of the rise, progress and decline of " My San Diego Lawsuit,'''' which I think you and your readers will find curious, if not amusing. Adieu. P. S. — You think this a stupid letter, perhaps ? Think of my surroundings, young man ! 'Tis not often you get a good thing out of Nazareth. Oh, Benicia, Benicia, " don't you cry for me," for I positively assure you, the feeling will not be reciprocated. LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. CORRESPONDENCE. San Feancisco, Oct. 10, 1854. To Pkofessok John Phcbnix, Esq., San Diego Observatory. Dear Sir : — Perceiving by perusal of your interesting article on Astro- nomy, that you have an organ which it is presumed you would like to dis- pose of, I am instructed by the vestry of the meeting-house on street, to enter into a negotiation with you for its purchase. Please state by re- turn of mail, whether or no the organ is for sale ; if so, the price, and if it is in good repair, and plays serious tunes. Very truly yours, A. Sleek Stiggins, Rulins: Elder and Agent for the sale of Stiggins' Elder Blow Tea. oo Prof. Phcenix has tlie honor to acknowledge the receipt of Mr. Stiggins' polite communication, and regrets to in- form him that the organ alluded to has been disposed of to a member of the Turn-verein Association. Owing to some ^^ fatuity or crookedness of mind,^^ on the part of the manu- facturer, the organ never could be made to play but one LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 237 tune, " The Low Backed Car," which Prof. Phainix con- siders a most sad and plaintive melody, calculated to fill the mind with serious and melancholy emotions. Prof. P. takes occasion to inform Mr. S., that he has a bass trombone in his possession, which, with a double convex lens fitted in the mouth-piece, he has used in his observations on the stars. This instrument will be for sale at the conclusion of this course of lectures, and if adapted to Mr. Stiggins' purpose, is very much at his service. LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY— PART U. MARS. This planet may be easily recognized by its bright, ruddy appearance, and its steady light. It resembles in size and color the stars Arcturus, in Bootes, and Antares, in Scorpio ; but, as it is not like them, continually winking, we may con- sider it, in some respects, a body of superior gravity. Our readers will be pleased to learn that Mars is an oblate spheroid, with a diameter of 4,222 miles. It is seven times smaller than the Earth ; its day is forty-four minutes longer than ours, and its year is equal to twenty-two and a half Oi our months. It receives from the sun only one half as much light and heat as the Earth, and has no moon ; which, in some respects, may be considered a blessing, as the poets of Mars cannot be eternally writing sonnets on that subject. 238 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. Mars takes its name from the God of War, who was con- sidered the patron of soldiers, usually termed sons of Mars, though it was well remarked by some philosopher, that they are generally sons of pa's also. Macauley, however, in his severe review of " Hanson's Life of the Rev Eleazer Wil- liams," remarks with great originality, that " It is a wise child that knows its own father." Mars is also the tutelary divinity of Fillibusters, and we are informed by several of the late troops of the late Presi- dent William Walker, that this planet was of great use in guiding that potentate during his late nocturnal rambles through the late Republic of Sonora. The ruddy appearance of Mars is not attributed to his former bad habits, but to the great height of his atmosphere, which must be very favorable to the aeronauts of that region, where, doubtless, ballooning is the principal method of locomotion. Upon the whole, Mars is but a cold and ill-conditioned planet, and if, as some persons believe, the souls of deceased soldiers are sent thither, there can be little inducement to die in service, un- less, indeed, larger supplies of commissary whiskey and to- bacco are to be found there than the present telescopic ob- servations would lead us to believe. JUPITER. This magnificent planet is the largest body, excepting the Sun, in the Solar System. " It may be readily dis- tinguished from the fixed stars by its peculiar splendor and magnitude, appearing to the unclothed eye, almost as re- LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 239 splendent as Venus, although it is more than seven times her distance from the Sun." Its day is but nine hours, fifty- five minutes and fifty seconds ; but it has rather a lengthy year, equivalent to nearly twelve years of our time. It is about thirteen hundred times larger than the Earth. In consequence of the rapid movement of Jupiter upon his axis, his form is that of an oblate spheroid, very consider- ably flattened at its poles, and the immense centrifugal force resulting from this movement (26,554 miles per hour), would, undoubtedly, have long since caused him to fly asunder, were it not for a wise provision of nature, which has caused enormous belts or hoops, to encircle his entire surface. These hoops, usually termed belts, are plainly visible through the telescope. They are eight in number, and are supposed to be made of gutta percha, with an outer edge of No. 1 boiler iron. Owing to the great distance of Jupiter from the Sun, he receives but one twenty-seventh part of the light and heat that we do from that body. To preserve the great balance of Nature, it is therefore probable, that the whales of Jupiter are twenty-seven times larger than ours, and that twenty-seven times as much cord-wood is cut on that planet as on the Earth. The axis of Jupiter is perpendicular to the plane of its orbit ; hence its climate has no variation of seasons in the same latitude. It has four moons, three of which may be readily discerned with an ordinary spy-glass. By observa- tion on the eclipses of these satellites, the velocity of light 240 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. has been measured, and we find that light is precisely eight minutes and thirteen seconds in coming to us from the Sun. According to the poet, " the light of other days " has a con- siderably slow motion. Jupiter, in the Heathen Mythology, was the King of the Gods. As there can be no doubt that, with the progress of time, advancement in liberal ideas, and a knowledge of the immortal principles of democracy, has obtained among these divinities, it is probable that he has long since been deposed, and his kingdom converted into a republic, over whose destinies, according to the well-known principles of availability, some one-eyed Cyclops, unknown to fame, has probably been elected to preside. His repre- sentative will, however, always remain King of the Planets, while such things as kings exist ; after which he will become their undisputed president. Jupiter is the patron of Mon- archs, Presidents and Senators. It is doubtful, however, whether he pays much attention to State Senators, or even continues his patronage to him of the Congressional body who fails to be re-elected, although bent on being notorious, he may continue to vociferate that he " knows a hawk from a hand-saw," and was "not educated at West Pint." SATURN. Whoever, during the present year, has had his attention attracted by that beautiful group, the Pleiades, or Seven Stars, may have noticed near them, in the constellation Taurus, a star apparently of the first magnitude, shining with a peculiarly white light, and beaming down with a gentle, LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 241 steady radiance upon the Earth. This is the beautiful planet Saturn, which, moving slowly at the rate of two minutes daily among the stars, may be readily traced from one constellation to another. Saturn is nearly nine hundred millions of miles from the Sun. His volume is eleven hundred times that of the Earth ; and while his year is equivalent to twenty-nine and a half of ours, his day is shorter by more than one-half. Receiving but one-nineteenth part of the light from the Sun that we do, it follows that the inhabitants of Saturn are not equally enlightened with us ; and supposing them to be phys- ically constituted as we are, stoves and cooking ranges un- doubtedly go off at a ready sale and pretty high figure among them. Saturn differs from all the other planets, in being surrounded by three rings, consecutive to each other, which shine by reflection from the Sun, with superior brilliancy to the planet itself. It is also attended by eight satellites* Many theories have been started to account for the rings of Saturn, but none of them are satisfactory. Our own opinion is that this planet was originally diversified, like the Earth, with continents of land and vast oceans of water. By the rapid motion of the planet upon its axis, the oceans were col- lected near the equatorial regions, whence by the immense centrifugal force, they were subsequently thrown clear from the surface, and remained revolving about the denser body, at that distance where the centrifugal force and the attraction of gravitation, from the other planets, were in equilibrio. The ships floating on the surface of the waters at the time of this great convulsion, of course, went with them, and it is 11 242 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. a most painful: reflection to the humane mind, that their crews have undoubtedly long since perished, after maintaining for a while their miserably isolated existence on a precarious supply offish. It is a curious and interesting fact, much dwelt on in popular treatises on Astronomy, that were a cannon ball fired from the Earth to Saturn, it would be one hundred and eighty years in getting there. The only useful deduction that we are able to make from this fact, however, is, that the inhabitants of Saturn, if warned of their danger by the sight of the flash or the sound of the explosion, would have ample opportunity in the course of the one hundred and eighty years, to dodge the shot ! Saturn was the father of all the Heathen Divinities, and we regret to say, was a most disreputable character. It will hardly be credited that he had a revolting habit of devouring his children shortly after their birth, and it was only by a pious deception of his wife, who furnished him with dogs, sheep, buffalo, and the like, on these occasions, with assur- ances that they were his offspring, that Jupiter and his brothers were preserved from their impending fate. A per- son of such a disposition could never be tolerated in a civi- lized community, and there is little doubt that if Saturn were a resident of the Earth at the present time, and should per- sist in his unpleasant practices, he would speedily be arrested and held to bail in a large amount. LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 243 BEBSCHEL. We know little of this planet, except that with its six moons, it was discovered by Dr. Herschel, a native of the island of England (situated oh the north-west coast of Europe), in 1781. It was named by him the " Georgium Sidus," as a tribute of respect to a miserable, blind, old lunatic, who at that time happened to be king of the Island. Overlooking the sycophancy of the man, in their admiration for the services of the Astronomer, his philosophical contem- poraries re-named the planet, Herschel, by which title it is still known. An attempt made by the courtiers of the Eng- lish king to call it Uranus (a Latin expression, meaning " You reign over us"), happily failed to succeed. Herschel is supposed to be about eighty times larger than the Earth, and to have a period of revolution of about eighty-four years, but its diurnal motion has not yet been discovered. KEPTUNE Was discovered by a French gentleman, named Le Yer- rier, in 1846. It is supposed to be about forty thousand miles in diameter, and to have a period of one hundred and sixty- four years. But of this planet, and another still more re- mote from the Sun, lately discovered (to which the literati and savans of Europe propose to give the name of Squiboh, a Hebrew word signifying, " There you go with your eye out "), we know little from actual observation. That they exist, there can be no doubt, and it is possible, to use the ex- 244 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. pressive language of a modern plailosoplier, " There are a few more of the same sort left " beyond them. Neptune is the Grod of the Sea, an unpleasant element, full of disagreeable fish, horrible sea-lions, and equivocal ser- pents, the reflection on which, or some other reasons, gener- ally makes every one sick who ventures upon it. He mar- ried a Miss Amphitrite, who, unlike sailors' wives in general, usually accompanies her husband on all his voyages. Nep- tune is the tutelar deity of seamen, who generally allude to him as " Davy Jones," and speak of the ocean as his " lock- er " (a locker indeed, in which untold thousands of their worn-out bones are bleaching), and on crossing the Equinoc- tial line, it was formerly the custom among them to perform ' certain rites in his honor, which pagan ceremonial has gradu- ally passed out of date. THE ASTEROIDS. These are ten small planets, revolving about the Sun in different orbits, situated between those of Mars and Jupiter. They can seldom be seen without a powerful telescope ; and are of no great importance when you see them. Our friend, Dr. Olbers, who paid much attention to these little bodies, is of the opinion that they are fragments of a large celestial sphere, which formerly revolved between Mars and Jupiter, and which, by some mighty internal convulsion, burst into pieces. With this opinion we coincide. What caused the explosion, how many lives were lost, and whether blame could be attached to any one on account of it, are circum- LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 245 stances that we shall probably remain in as profound igno- rance of as the unfortunate inhabitants of the planet found themselves after the occurrence. What purpose the Aster- oids now serve in the great economy of the Universe, it is impossible to ascertain; it may be that they are reserved as receptacles for the departed souls of ruined merchants and broken brokers. As the Spaniard profoundly remarks, ''QuienSahe?'' CHAPTER II. OF THE FIXED STARS. For convenience of description, Astronomers have di- vided the entire surface of the Heavens into numerous small tracts, called constellations, to which have been given names, resulting from some real or fancied resemblance in the ar- rangement of the stars composing them, to the objects in- dicated. This resemblance is seldom very striking, but nomenclature is arbitrary, and it is perhaps quite as well to call a collection of stars that don't look at all like a scorpion, " The Scorpion," as to name an insignificant village, with two or three hundred inhabitants, a tavern, no church, and twenty-seven grog shops, Rome, or Carthage. We once knew a couple of honest people, who named their eldest child (a singularly pug-nosed little girl), Madonna, Ma- donna Smith — and that infant grew up and did well, and was lately married to a highly respectable young butcher. A zone 16^ in breadth, extending quite around the Heavens, 8° on each side of the Ecliptic, is called Zodiac. 1. Aries . 2. Taurus 3. Gemini , ~ 4. Cancer , 5. Leo 6. Yirgo 7. Libra . . 8. Scorpio , 9. Sagittarius . 10. Capri cornus . 11. Aquarius 12. Pisces 246 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. This zone is divided into twelve equal parts or constella- tions, which are sometimes called the Signs of the Zodiac. The following are the names of these constellations, in their regu- lar order, and the number of visible stars contained in each • Tlie Hydraulic Bam, . . ... 66 The Irish Bull, 141 The Siamese Twins 85 TJie Soft Shelled Crab, 83 The Dandy Lion, 95 The Virago, 110 The Eay Scales 51 Tlie K Y. Herald ...... 44 The Sparrow, 69 The Bishop, 51 The Decanter, 108 The Sardines, 73 To discover the position of these several constellations it is merely nesessary to have a starting point. On looking at the Heavens during the month of April, and considering the stars therein intently, the observer will at length find six bright stars arranged exactly in the form of a sickle. A very bright star is at the extremity of the handle. This is the star Regulus in the constellation Leo. Then some 30° further to the east, he will observe a very brilliant star, with no visible stars near it. This is Spica in the Virgin. Still further east, rises Libra, distinguished by two rather bright stars forming a parallelogram, with two rather dim ones, followed by Scorpio, whose stars resemble in their ar- rangement a kite, with a tail to it, and in which a brilliant red star, named Antares, forms the centre. Then Sagit- LECTURES ON ASTrLONOMY. 247 tarius and Capricornus separately span 30° ; when rises Aquarius, in which the most careless observer will notice four stars, forming very plainly, the letter Y. Pisces, a loose straggling succession of stars, intervenes between this sign and that of Aries, which may be distinguished by two bright stars, about 4° apart, the brightest, to the N. E. of the other. Taurus cannot be mistaken — it contains two re- markable clusters, the Pleiades and the Hyades ; the latter forijaing a well-marked letter V. with the bright red star Aldebaran at the upper left-hand comer. Gemini contains two remarkably bright stars. Castor and Pollux ; — the for- mer much the most brilliant and the more northerly of the pair; they are but 5"^ apart. Then follows 30° including Cancer, which contains no remarkably brilliant stars, and we return to our starting point. In the month of September, we would select as a starting point the star Antares, giving us the position of the Scorpion. Antares is of a remarkably red appearance, situated between, and equi-distant from, two other less brilliant stars with which it forms a curved line, which, extended by other stars, curve around at its ex- tremity like the tail of a flying kite, or if you please, like the tail of a scorpion. The fixed stars are classed according to their magnitude, first, second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. ; the stars of the fifth magnitude being the smallest that can be seen by the un- assisted eye. It is by no means our intention, in this course of lectures, to convey a complete, and thorough knowledge of Uranography (we assure you, madam, that this word is 248 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. in tlie Dictionary) ; towever great our ability or inclination, the limits prescribed us will not permit of it we shall, there- fore, confine ourselves to a brief description of the principal constellations, trusting that the interest awakened in the minds of our numerous readers on the subject, by our re- marks, may lead them to make it a study hereafter. For this purpose we would recommend as a suitable preparation a light course of reading, such, for instance, as " Church's Deferential and Integral Calculus," to be followed by " Bartlett's Optics,' and Gummer's Elements of Astro- nomy." After this, by close and unremitting study of La Place, and other eminent writers, for twenty or thirty years, the reader, if of good natural ability, may acquire a super- ficial knowledge of the science. " The Great Bear " (which is spelled — Bear — and has no reference whatever to Powers' Greek Slave) is one of the most remarkable constellations in the Heavens. We cannot imagine why it received its name, unless indeed, because it has not the slightest resemblance to a great Bear, or any other animal. It may be distinguished by means of a clus- ter of seven brilliant stars, arranged in the form of a dipper (not a duchj but a tin dipper). Of these, the two, forming the side of the dipper, furthest from the handle, are named, the lower Merak, the upper Duhhe, and are called the Pointers^ from the fact, that in whatever position the con- stellation is observed, a line passing through these two stars and continued in the direction of Duhhe for 2%° passes through Gynosura, the North or pole star. To this re- LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 249 markable star — it was discovered some years since — a mag- netic needle will constantly point, a discovery which has done more for commerce, made more sailors and caused more fatigue to the legs of the author, than any other under heaven, Colt's pistols not excepted. It must not be under- stood that the needle points to the pole star, because the star possesses any particular attraction for it. Currents of electricity passing constantly from W. to E. about the earth, cause the needle to point N. and S., and it is merely in con- sequence of the star Cynosura lying exactly in the N., that it appears directed toward it. Immediately opposite to the Great Bear, beyond Cynosura, we observe the constellation Cassiopeia, which, instead of representing as it should, a re- spectable looking old woman sitting on a throne, takes the appearance of a chair, which, constantly revolving about the North star, is thrown into as many different positions as the chair used by the celebrated " India-rubber man," in his wonderful feats of dexterity. Near Cassiopeia, but further to the E., we find Andro- meda, which constellation, representing a young lady, chained to a rock, without a particle of clothing, we shall not attempt to point out more definitely. Perseus, near Andromeda, holds in his hand the head of Medusa, a glance from whose eyes turned the gazer into stone, which accounts for the ori- gin of the Stones, a numerous and highly respectable family in the United States. If we prolong the handle of the dip- per some 25°, we observe a brilliant star of the first magni- tude, of a ruddy appearance, called Arcturus ; which many 250 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. years since, a person named Job, was asked if he could guide, and he acknowledged he couldn't do it. The star is in the knee of the Bootes (which is pronounced Bootees ; he was the inventor and wearer of those articles), who, with two greyhounds, Asterion and Chara, is apparently driving the Bear forever around the pole. A beautiful star 30^ E. of Arcturus, named Lyra, distinguished by two small stars with which it makes an equilateral triangle, points out the position of the Harp ; immediately beneath which is seen the Swan, distinguished by five stars forming a large and regular cross, the foot of which being turned up, prevents its being noticed, unless closely examined. The bright star in the head of the cross is Deneb Cygni. Twenty degrees S. E. of Lyra, we observe the brilliant star Altair in the Eagle, equidistant from two other small stars, making with it a slight curve. The beautiful constellation Orion (which takes its name from the founder of the celebrated Irish family of O'Ryan) may be easily distinguished by its belt, three bright stars, forming a right line about 3^ in length ; with three smaller stars immediately below (forming an angle with it), which distinguish the handle of the sword. The brilliant star of the first magnitude, in the left shoulder of Orion, is called Betelguese, that in the right shoulder, Bellatrix ; the star in the right knee, is Saiph, that in the left foot, Bigel. Some 20^ N. E. of the seven stars, the brilliant star Capella, in the Wagoner, may be recognized by three small stars, form- ing an acute-angled triangle, immediately below it. A very beautiful star, of peculiarly whitish lustre, named Formal- LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 251 haut, forins the eye of the Southern Fish ; it is about 30° S. E. of the Y in Aquarius and cannot be mistaken, as it is the only brilliant star in that part of the Heavens. We have now mentioned most of the principal constellations, but we suspect that the ardent curiosity and love of research of our readers will hardly allow them to rest contented with the meagre information thus conveyed, but that they will hasten to seek in the writings of standard authors, such a knowledge of this interesting subject, as the scope of these lectures will not permit us to attempt imparting. They will thus find the truth of Hamlet's statement, " that more things exist in Heaven and Earth, than are dreamed of" in their philosophy. Dragons, Hydras, Serpents and Centaurs, Big Dogs and Lit- tle Dogs, Doves, Coons and Ladies' Hair, will be exhibited to their admiring gaze, and they will also have their atten- tion directed to the remarkable constellation Phojnix (named for an ancestor of the present Johannes, but not in the least resembling him, or the family portraits), to which the modesty of the author has merely permitted him to make this brief allusion. On the subject of Comets, we should have desired to make a lengthy dissertation ; but Professor Silliman in his late efforts to throw light upon it, has decided that these bodies are nothing but GtAS ; which sets the matter at rest forever, and renders discussion useless. The lecture now closes, with an exhibition of the " PhcCn- tasmagoria^^ (which is the scientific name of a tin Magic Lantern), showing the various Heavenly Bodies tranquilly revolving round the Sun, perfectly undisturbed by the ex- 252 LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. travagant motions of these rampant comets, continually cross- ing their paths in orbits of impossible eccentricity, while the organ, slowly turned by the Professor with one hand (the other imparting motion to the planets), emits in plaintive tones that touching melody the " Low Backed Car," giving an excruciating and probably correct idea of the " Music of the Spheres," which nobody ever heard, and, therefore, the correctness of the imitation cannot be disputed. This por- tion of the entertainment should be continued as long as pos- sible, as the author has observed, it never fails to give great satisfaction to the audience; any exhibition requiring a darkened room, being a "sure card" of attraction in a com- munity where there are many young people, which accounts for the wonderful success of Banvard's Panorama. S-hould the Professor's arm become wearied before the audience are entirely satisfied, it is easy to disperse them, by the simple process of shutting down the slide, stopping the organ, and inducing a small boy, by a trifling pecuniary compensation, to holla Fire! in the viciaity of the lecture room. The author acknowledges the receipt of " An Astronomi- cal Poem " from a " Young Observer," commencing " Oh, if I had a telescope with fourteen slides," with the modest request that he would "introduce" it in his second lecture ; but the detestable attempt of the " Young Observer" to make " slides" rhyme with " Pleiades " in the second line, and the fearful pun in the thirty-seventh verse, t)n " the Meteor by moonlight alone," compel him to decline LECTURES ON ASTRONOMY. 253 the introduction. The manuscript will be returned to the author, on making known his real name, and engaging to destroy it immediately. A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. CHAPTER I. It was evening at the Tehama. The apothecary, whose shop formed the south-eastern corner of that edifice, had lighted his lamps, which, shining through those large glass bottles in the window, filled with red and blue liquors, once supposed by this author, when young and innocent, to be medicine of the most potent description, lit up the faces of the passers-by with an unearthly glare, and exaggerated the general redness and blueness of their noses. Within the office the hands of the octagonal clock, which looked as though it had been thrown against the wall in a moist state and stuck there, pointed to the hour of eight. The apartment was nearly deserted. Frink, " the courteous and gentlemanly manager," and the Major, had gone to the Theatre; having season tick- ets, they felt themselves forced to attend, and never missed a performance. The coal fire in the office stove glowed with a hospitable warmth, emitting a gentle murmur of welcome to # A LEGEND OP THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 255 the expected wayfarers by the Sacramento boats, interrupted only by an occasional deprecatory hiss, when insulted by a stream of tobacco juice. Overcoats hung about the walls, still moist with recent showers ; umbrellas reclined lazily in corners ; spittoons stood about the floor, the whole diffusing that name- less odor so fascinating to the married man, who, cigar in mouth and hot whiskey punch at elbow, sits nightly until twelve o'clock in the enjoyment of it, while the wife of his bosom in their comfortable home on Powell street, wonders at his absence, and unjustly curses the Know Nothings or the Free and Accepted Masonic Fraternity. Behind the office desk, perched on a high, three-legged stool, his head supported by both hands, the youthful but lit- erary John Duncan was deeply engaged in the exciting peru- sal of the last yellow-covered novel, " Blood for Blood, or the Infatuated Dog." He knew that, in a few moments, eighty- four gentlemen " in hot haste," would call to inquire whether the Member of Congress had returned, and was anxious to find out what the " Robber Chieftain " did with the " Lady Maude Alleyne " before the arrival of the Sacramento boat. The only other occupant of the office, was a short, fleshy gen- tleman with a white hat, dark green coat with brass buttons, drab pantaloons, short punchy little boots and gaiters. These circumstances might be noted as he stood with his back to the door, gazing intently upon one of those elaborate works of art with which the spirited proprietor has lately seen fit to adorn the walls of the Tehama. It represented a lady in a ball dress, seated on the back of a large dray-horse (at 256 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. least eighteen hands high), and holding a parrot on her right forefinger, while at her horse's feet kneeled a man in the stage dress of Mercutio, doing something with five or six other parrots. The piece was called " Hawking," had a fine gilt frame and glass, and in certain lights, answered the pur- pose of a mirror, and was therefore a very pretty object to gaze upon. In fact, the short, stout gentleman was adjusting his shirt collar, which was of prodigious height, and had a per- verse inclination to turn down on one side, by its reflection. As he turned from this employment, he exhibited one of the most curious faces it is possible to conceive. Unlike most fat men, whose little eyes, round, red cheeks, wart-like noses and double chins, convey but little meaning or expression, this gentleman's face was all expression. He wore a con- stant look of the most intense curiosity. Inquisitiveness sat upon every lineament of his countenance. His small, green eyes protruding from his head, surmounted by thin but well- defined and very curvilinear eyebrows, looked like two notes of interrogation ; his nose, though small, was sharp at the end like a gimlet, and his little round mouth was constantly pursed up into an expression of inquiring wonder, as though the most natural sound that could fall from it, should be, " 0-0-0-0 ! come now, do tell." In fact he was one of those beings created by a wise but inscrutable Providence, for no other purpose apparently but " to meddle with other peo- ple's business," and ask questions. His name was Bogle, and vi^ith Mrs. Bogle, whom he had married two years before, because, having exhausted all other A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 257 subjects of inquiry in conversation with her, he had finally asked her if she would have him, and a little Bogle, who had made its appearance some three months since, and already " took notice " with an inquiring air painful to contemplate, he occupied, for the present, "Room No, 31." Bogle would have made a fortune in no time, if he had lived in the blessed era when the promise " Ask and ye shall receive " was fulfilled ; and so well was his disposition under- stood by the frequenters of the Tehama, that they invariably left the vicinity when he looked askant at them ; his presence cleared the room as quickly as a stream from a fire engine, or a mad dog could have done it. Brushing some remains of snuff from his snow white vest — Bogle took snuff inordinately — ^he said it sharpened up his faculties — he turned upon the hapless Duncan — who had just got the " Lady Maude " into the cave, where the skeleton hand dripped blood from the ceiling — " John, what time is it ? " John looked at the clock with a slight groan, " Five minutes past eight, Mr. Bogle." " What time will the boat be in ? " " In a few moments, Mr. Bogle." " "Will the General come down to-night ? " " I don't know, Mr. Bogle." " How old a man do you take him to be now ? " " Fontaine she screamed ! — that is, I don't know, Mr Bogle." " How much does he weigh ? " " The skeleton ! — indeed, I don't know, sir." 258 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. The conversation was here suspended by the sudden arri* val of a stranger. He was a large man, of stern and forbid- ding aspect, exceedingly dark complexion, with long, black hair hanging in unkempt tangles about his shoulders, and with a fierce and uncompromising moustache and beard, blacker than the driven charcoal, completely concealing the lower part of his face. His dress was singular ; a brown hat, brown coat, brown vest, brown neck cloth, brown pantaloons, brown gaiter boots. In his hand he carried a brown carpet bag, and beneath his arm a brown silk umbrella. Hastily he inscribed his name upon the Eegister, " General Tecumseh Brown, Brownsville," and, for an instant, seemed to fall into a brown study. Bogle was on the qui vive ; he looked over the General's shoulder. " From Sacramento, sir ? " said he. The General gazed at Bogle, sternly, for a moment, and replied, " I am, sir." " I see, sir," said Bogle with a cordial smile, " you live in Brownsville; may I inquire if you are in business there?" The General gazed at Bogle more sternly than before, and shortly answered, " You may, sir." " Well," said Bogle, " are you ? " " Yes, sir," replied General Brown in a stentoriori voice, at the same time advancing a step toward his fat little in- quisitor, " I have lately made a fortune there." " Oh !" said Bogle, nimbly jumping back as the General advanced, " How ? " " By ^ninding my oivn business, sir / " thundered the A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 259 General, and turning to Duncan, who had forgotten the "Lady Maude" in the charms of this conversation, said, " Give me my key, sir, and the moment a young man calls here to inquire for me, send him up to my room." So saying, and grasping the key extended to him, General Brown turned away, and, casting a look of fierce malignity at little Bogle, who tried to conceal his confusion by taking a pinch of snufi", retired, taking with him as he went, the only brown japanned candlestick that stood among the numerous array of those articles, provided for the Tehama's guests." " Well," said Bogle, " of all the Brown — where did you put him, John?" " No. 32," replied that individual, returning to " the cave." " Thirty-two ! " exclaimed Bogle, " Goodness ! Gracious ! why that joins my room, and the partition is as thin as a wafer." CHAPTER II. Up stairs went Bogle, two steps at a time. The door of thirty-two slammed, as he reached the door of his apartment ; it slammed on a brown coat-tail, about half a yard of which remained on the outside ; there was a muttered ejaculation, then a deep growl, and — rip ! went the coat-tail, the frag- ment remaining in the door. " Gracious ! Goodness ! " said Bogle, " what a passionate man ! he's torn it off ! he's like Halley's comet ; no ! that V 260 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. never had a tail ! he's like that fox," — and Bogle entered hia apartment. Here sat his interesting wife, rocking their offspring, and instilling into its infant mind the first lesson of practical economy, by singing that popular nursery refrain, " Buy low, Baby ; buy low, buy low.** " Hush ! " said Bogle, as he entered on tip-toe, and, care- fully closing the door of thirty-one, held up a warning finger to the partner of his joys and sorrows. The lullaby ceased. It is said that all women become like their husbands after a certain time, both in appearance and disposition. Mrs. Bogle, who had been a Miss Artemesia Stackpole before mar- riage (Bogle said she was named for an elder sister, Mesia, who died, and she was called Arter-mesia), certainly did not at all resemble her husband in appearance. She was of the thread-paper order ; one of those gaunt, bony females of no particular age, who always have two false eye-teeth, and wear brown merino dresses and muslin night-caps with a cotton lace border, in the morning. But in disposition she was his very counterpart. Curious, meddling, inquisitive, fond of gossip and indefatigable in " the pursuit of knowledge under difficulties," she was an invaluable coadjutor to Bogle, whom she had materially assisted many times in obtaining informa- tion, that even his prying nature had failed to accomplish. Eagerly she listened to his tale about the mysterious Brown and his tail, and, like a gcod and dutiful wife, all quietly she A LEGExND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 261 nursed the olive branch, while Bogle, seated in close prox- imity to the partition, listened with eager ear, intent, to the motions of their neighbor. Three times in as many quarters of an hour did that mysterious General ring the bell ; three times came up the waiter ; three times he replied to the Greneral's anxious question, " that no one had called for him," and three times he went down again. After each interview with the waiter, Bogle listening at the partition, heard the General mutter to himself a large word, a scriptural word, but not adapted to common conversation ; it began with a capital D and ended with a small n. Each time that he heard it. Bogle said '' Gracious ! Goodness ! " At length his patient exertions were rewarded. As the clock struck ten, a step was heard upon the stairs; nearer and nearer it came. Bogle's heart beat heavily ; it stopped in front of " thirty- two ; " — ^he held his breath ; — a knock ; — ^Ihe General's voice, " Come in ; " — he heard the door open, and the stranger commence with " Good evening. General," but before he could say " Brown," that gentleman exclaimed, " Charles, have you seen Fanny ? " Bogle, his ear glued to the wall, turned his eye toward his wife and beckoned. Artemesia approached, and seating herself on his knee, the infant clasped to her breast, listened with her husband. The stranger slowly replied, " I have." " And who was she with ? " " That Frenchman, as you supposed." " Good God ! " exclaimed the stricken Brown, as in agony 262 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. he paced the room with fearful strides. There was a mo- ment's silence. " Did yon take her from him ? " " Yes, I persuaded her to accompany me to my room at 'The Union.'" " Why did you not bring her to me at once ? " " I knew your passionate nature, Greneral, and I feared you would kill her." " I will ! " growled the G-eneral, " By Heaven, I will ! — but not so — not as you think ; I'll poison her ! " Bogle, his face pallid with apprehension, his teeth chat- tering with fear, looked at Artemesia ; " — she met his horror- stricken gaze, and with a subdued shriek, clasped the baby ; — ^it awoke. The Greneral, in a low, deep voice of concentrated pas- sion, continued ; — " I'll poison her, Charles ! " " Oh ! " he exclaimed with deep emotion, " how I have loved that—" Here the infant Bogle, who had been drawing in his breath for a cry, broke forth ; — " At once there rose so wild a yell." Human nature could not stand it longer. " Smother that little villain ! " said Bogle in a fierce whisper; " I can't hear a word." Artemesia, with the look of Lucretia Borgia, withdrew with the child to the adjoining room, (No. 31, Tehama, contains two rooms, a small parlor and a bed-chamber), and administered a punishment that must have astonished it — A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 263 it was certainly struck ahacJc. If babies remember any thing, tbat youthful Bogle has not forgotten that bastinado — applied a little higher up than is customary among the Turks — to this day. " At length the tumult dwindled to a calm," and again Bogle clapped his ear to the wall. He heard but the concluding words of the murderous General — " Bring her up with you at ten o'clock to-morrow evening, and a sack; after it is over, we will put her body in it, and carry her to Meiggs' wharf, where there are plenty of brick ; we can fill the sack with them and throw her off." " Well, sir," replied the stranger, " if you are determined to do it, I will ; but poor Fanny ! " — ^here emotion choked his utterance. " You do as I tell you, sir ;" growled the General, "there's no weakness about me ! " Here the door opened and closed. Bogle rose from his knees, the perspiration was running down his fat face in streams. — " No weakness," said he, " Goodness Gracious ! I should say not ; — what an awful affair; — coming so close, too, upon the Meiggs' forgeries, and the loss of the Yankee Blade ; — how providential that I happened to overhear it all ! Gracious Goodness ! " That night, in a whispered consultation with his Arte- mesia. Bogle's plan of action was decided upon. But long after this, and long after the horror-stricken pair had sunk into a perturbed slumber, the footsteps of the intended mur- derer might have been heard, as hour after hour he paced the floor of his solitary chamber, and his deep voice might 264 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. have been heard also, occasionally giving vent to his fell determination — " Yes, sir! I'U-mur-der ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I!!—! CHAPTER III. The next morning a great change might have been ob- served in our friend Bogle. He appeared unusually quiet and reserved — pallid and nervous ; — starting when any one approached him, he stood alone near the door of the Tehama ; he sought no companionship — he asked no questions. Men marvelled thereat. " What has come over Bogle ? " said the Judge to the Major. " I haven't heard him ask a question to-day." " Well," was the unfeeling reply, '' he's been asking ques- tions for the last thirty years, and I reckon he has asked all there are." But Bogle knew what he was about. At three P.M. precisely. General Brown came majestically down stairs ; he passed Bogle so nearly that he could have touched him ; but he noticed not the latter's shuddering withdrawal ; he looked neither to the right or left, but, gloomy and foreboding, like an avenging genius, he passed into the apothecary's on the corner. " Give me an ounce bottle of strychnine," said he. "For rats, sir?" said the polite attendant. The General started ; he gave a fearful scowl. " Yes," he said, with a demoniac laugh, " for rats ! ha ! ha ! oh yes — for — rats ! " A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 265 Bogle heard this ; — he heard no more ; he started for the Police Office. Who was Fanny ?— ?? ? ???! ? ?? ??? That evening about ten o'clock, Bogle sat alone, or alone save his Artemesia, in No. 31. The baby had been put to bed; and silent and solemn in that dark apartment, for the lamp had been extinguished, sat listening that shuddering pair. A step was heard on the stairs, and closer drew the Bogles together, listening to that step, as it sounded fearfully distinct, from the beating of their own agitated hearts. As it drew near, it was evident that two persons were approaching ; for, accompanying the first distinct tread, was a light footfall like that of a young and tender female. " Poor thing ! " said Artemesia, with a suppressed gasp. The heavy tread of General Brown could be heard distinctly in No. 32. The parties stopped at his door; — a knock, and they were silently admitted. The voice of the G-eneral broke the silence — " Oh ! Fanny," he exclaimed in bitter anguish, how could you desert me ! " There was no articulate reply, but the Bogles heard from the unhappy female an expression of grief, which almost broke their hearts. "Fanny," continued the General, "you have been faith- less to me — fickle and false as your sex invariably are ! I 12 266 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. loved you, Fanny — I love you still ! — but my heart can no more be made the sport of falsehood ! You must die ! Take this!" " Hold — ^wretch ! " shouted Bogle. " Let me go, Arte- mesia;" and throwing off his coat, the heroic little fellow threw open his own door, kicked down the door of thirty- two, and stood in the presence of the murderer and his victim — ^pistol in hand! At the same instant the bell of thirty-one was violently rung, the doors on each side opened, and the gallery was filled with men. But what caused Bogle to falter ? Why did he not rush forward to snatch the vic- tim from her destroyer ? Near the centre-table, on which was burning an astral lamp, stood a remarkably fine looking young man, who gazed on Bogle's short, punchy figure with an inquiring smile. On the other side of the table, but nearer the door, his brow blacker than a thunder-cloud, sat G-eneral Brown in one hand he held a small piece of meat, the other retained between his knees a small but exceedingly stanch- looking dog, of the true bull-terrier breed. Both the Gen- eral and the dog showed their teeth ; — both were epitomes of ferocity, but the snarl of the dog was as nothing to the snarl of the Greneral, as, half-rising from his seat, but still holding the dog down by the collar, he shouted — " How's this, sir ? " Bogle staggered back — dashing back from his brow the perspiration, he dropped the pistol and leaning against the door, gasped rather than articulated — " It's a dog ! " A LEGEND OP THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 267 "Yes, sir!" roared the infuriated General, rising from his chair — ^^and a she dog at that! what have you got to say about it ? " Bogle, almost fainting, stammered painfully forth, " Is her — ^name — Fanny ? " " D n you sir," screamed the General, " I'll let you know ! Sta-boy ! bite him, Fan ! " Like an arrow from a bow, like lightning from the cloud, like shot off a shovel, like any thing that goes quick, sprang the female bull-terrier on the unhappy Bogle. " Man is but mortal," and Bogle turned to flee. " It was too late ! " Why did he take off his coat ? — ah ! why wear such tight pantaloons ? Shrieking like a demon, the ferocious beast clinging to one extremity, his hair on end with fright, and horror at the other. Bogle rushed frantically down the passage, overturning in his mad career police officers, chambermaids, housekeeper and boarders, who, alarmed at his outcries, thronged tumul- tuously into the hall. The first flight of stairs he took at a jump ; — the second he rolled down from top to bottom, the bull-terrier clinging to him like a steel trap — first the dog on top, then Bogle ; — arrived at the bottom, he sprang forth into Sansome street, and reckless of Frink's alarmed cry — " Stop that man — he hasn't paid his bill ! " away he went on the wings of the wind. It was an awful sight to see that lit- tle figure, as, wild with horror, he ran adown the street, the stanch dog swinging from side to side, as he fled. It was a fearful race ! Never did a short pair of legs get 268 A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. over an equal space in an equal time, than on that trying oc- casion. At length a sailor on Commercial street, taking the dog for a portmanteau, with which he supposed Bogle was making off, stretched out a friendly leg and tripped him up. But his troubles were not ended. When a hull-terrier takes a hold — a fair hold — to get it off, one of two alternatives must obtain ; — either the animal's teeth must be drawn, or the piece must come out. They hadn't time to draw Fanny's teeth— ! They brought Bogle home in a hand-cart, and put him to bed. He hasn't sat down since. As they took him up stairs to his room, surrounded by a clamorous throng, the door of No. 10, at the foot of the first flight of stairs, opened, and a gentleman of exceeding dignity, made his appearance in a dressing gown of beautifully embroidered pattern. " John," he said to Mr. Duncan, who, with an extensive grin on his countenance, and " Blood for Blood " (somewhat dilapidated in the scuffle) in his hand, was bringing up the rear of the procession with a candle, " what's all this row about ? " John briefly explained. " I thought it a fire," said the gentleman, " but, ' Pariu- riunt monies^ nascetur — ' " " A ridiculous muss," said the classic John Duncan. The gentleman retired ; so did the chambermaid ; so did the boarders generally ; so did General Brown, with his dog under his arm, swearing he would not part with her for five hundred dollars ; so did the policemen, somewhat scandalized that nobody was murdered after all. A LEGEND OF THE TEHAMA HOUSE. 269 Bogle left the house next day in a baby-jumper, swung to a pole between two Chinamen, Artemesia and the infant followed. I hear that he has lately increased his business, taken a partner, and attends to the examination of wills, marriage settlements, and other papers belonging entirely to other people's business. Sneak is the name of the partner ; he or Bogle may be seen daily at the " Hall of Records," from ten until two o'clock, overhauling something or other, that is no concern of theirs. They furnish all sorts of information gratis. It is like the wine you get where they advertise " All sorts of liquors at 12^ cents a glass." General Brown has settled in Grass Yalley, Nevada County, and would have appointed every white male inhabi- tant of California a member of his staff with the rank of Lieutenant-colonel, had he not been anticipated. Fanny killed forty-four rats in thirty seconds, only last week — so Tom says. The Tehama House is still there. INTEKESTING COKEESPONDENCE. [We have received for publication the following correspondence, which is'more than rich ; it is positively luscious.] Washington, January 14, 1854. Lieut. , C7".- 8. A.J San Diego ^ Gal, Sir : — An effort having been made by me in connection with otherS) to obtain an act of Congress during its present ses- sion, by which army officers will receive the same allowances whilst they served in California and Oregon, as were grant- ed to Navy officers, I beg to call your attention thereto, and especially ask your approval of the contemplated attempt. You are aware that Congress, at its last session, granted in the Naval Appropriation bill, extra pay ($2 per diem), to the officers, and double pay to sailors and others, serving in the Pacific during the Mexican war, and up to the 28th of September, 1850. This allowance was based upon the sup- position that the officers of the army serving in California had received the same allowance, by previous acts of Con- gress, when in fact this extra pay had only been granted them from the 1st July, 1850. There are a large number of army officers justly entitled to an additional allowance, INTERESTING CORRESPONDENCE. 27 1 and for precisely the same reasons which has induced Con- gress to grant it to the Navy, and especially those who served there subsequent to the 1st January, 1 848 ; when they were compelled to pay the most exorbitant prices for the necessaries of life, having no other alternative, and no means of leaving the country like the officers of the Pacific squadron, who could have left the coast of California and gone to a cheaper station. I have been requested by a number of officers stationed in Texas, to solicit your co-operation in carrying out this desirable object, by contributing, in the event of success, the proportionable per centum, agreed upon by them, namely : five or ten per cent, on the amount that may accrue, to you, as a remuneration for services rendered. Your concurrence is therefore requested, and it is understood that if there should be a failure, which, however, is not anticipated, no charge of any kind shall be made. Soliciting your immediate attention, and early reply, I remain very respectfully. Your ob'dt servant, CHARLES D . San Diego, 20th March, 1854. My dear Charles : — I have received your modest request of the 4th of January, that I will give you five or ten per cent, of any sum that Congress may hereafter, in its infinite 272 INTERESTING CORRESPONDENCE. beneficence, appropriate to my relief; a request wHch yon state you make to me at the instance of " a number of offi- cers stationed in Texas." For the benefit of those gentlemen, as well as yourself, I have asked Mr. Ames to print your letter, and my answer, in the world-renowned San Diego Herald — the only method I see of communicating with your advisers; as a letter directed to " a number of officers stationed in Texas," might possibly never reach them, through the ordinary channels. Upon mature reflection, of nearly five minutes, I have come to the conclusion to decline acceding to your propo- sal. This decision has resulted from several cons-iderations. In the first place, I don't know you, Charles. I never heard of you before, in all my life. To be sure, I see by your card, which you so kindly enclosed, and which my wife has just stuck up in the corner of the cracked looking-glass that adorns our humble chamber, that you are a Greneral Agent (which may be a new military rank for all I know created with the Lieutenant-generalcy, and if it is, I beg your pardon and touch my hat, for X have a great respect for rank), and a Notary Public, and that you live on Seventh street, opposite the Odd Fellows' Hall, (why not move across the street ?) But all this does not amount to friendship, intimacy, or even common acquaintance; and I declare ^ Charles, I do not even know now whether you may not be some designing person, who, seeing that a bill is likely to pass for the relief of certain distressed officers, seeks to levy a little black mail, say five or even ten per cent., on the INTERESTING CORRESPONDENCE. 273 scanty pittance, under tho pretext of having influenced Congress in its humane decision; a thing that I believe all the G-eneral Agents, Notary Publics, U. S. Commission- ers, and Commissioners of Deeds, that ever lived opposite or in Odd Fellows' Hall, would fail to accomplish, had not Congress made up its benevolent mind to do it without con- sulting them. 2dly. Why should I promise to give you ten per cent, of that allowance ? (Oh, donH you wish you might get it — I hope I shall.) You say you have made an effort to get it for us. Ah, Charles, I love and honor you for doing so, if you have ; but how, when, and where — tell me where, did you make that effort. But if you did do so, what of it ? Perhaps you made an effort, too, to get me the pay I now receive. Perhaps — startling thought 1 — you will be writing to me for "five or ten per cent."' of that humble income ! Don't try it, Charles ; you wouldn't get it, I assure you. As to your making an effort, that's all nonsense. Every body makes efforts now-a-days. Every body that ever I read of, except Mrs. Dombey, made an effort ; and if my grandmother were to die and leave me a thousand dollars, you might, with equal propriety, inform me that you made an effort for that venerable person's decease, and claim " five or ten per cent." of that amount of property, as to humbug me with your making efforts to influence Congress, who, as I said before, I solemnly believe is independent of all the ef- forts of all the Notary Publics in all Washington. From these two considerations, I conclude that you have 274 TJNTERE6TING CORRESPONDENCE. no claim or shadow of a claim on me, but that your proposal is merely a request for charity, to the amount of " five or ten per cent." on the small sum that you, living in Washing- ton, and watching the signs of the times, begin to believe Congress is going to allow me. This charity I shall decline bestowing, for three good and suf&cient reasons : 1st. I am very poor myself. 2d. I have a family to support on $89 83 a month, which isn't such a tremendous income, in a country where flour is $30 per barrel. 3d. I'll see you first, giving you full permission to fill the blank with any kind aspiration for your future well- fare and happiness, that may occur to you, and that you may deem appropriate. Farewell, Charles — remember me kindly to " a number of officers stationed in Texas," when you write. 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In its conception the plan is certainly original. {From the IT. E. Farmer.) The unfolding of the plot, and the delineation of the characters, evince talents of a high order ; and it is evident that the authoress possesses a good degree of skill, if not experience in this department of literature. We think her work will rank above the common run of novels. {From the Ifeto Haven Palladium.) This is one of the most fascinating books of the season, and will doubtless find many admirers. It is a story of American life, and most of the scenes are laid In Boston and New York. The characters are painted in vivid colors; the proud and stately heroine, to whom no more fitting name than Juno could have been applied ; her adopted son, Little Sunbeam and Grace Atherton will not soon be forgotten. The style is beautiful and the in- terest quite absorbing. {From Vie True Flag.) The conceptions of character in "Juno Clifford" are almost unequalled by any American woman, and the plot has a strjiiglitforward intensity and directness rarely found in a woman's book. The death cenes are inimitable, and the love passages are no sickly sentimontalism, but the utterance of that holy jiassion which outlives time and death. LIGHT AND DARKNESS OR TUE Shadow of Fate. A STOKY OF FASHIONABLE LIFE, BY A LADY. 1 vol. 12mo., cloth, 75 cts. {From the N. Y. Dispatch.) This is a pleajsant and giaphic story, the scenes of whicli are laid in the city of New York. The light and dark, or the good and bad. of fashionable life are vividly intermin- gled, and described by a fertile and glowing pen, with much talent and skill. {From the Philadelphia City Item.) The whole work is so complete, finished and artistic, that we cannot bnt anticipate a brilliant and successful career for the writer, if she will devote herself faithfully to the high and influential department of art in which she has made so triumphant a debiit. {From Godey's Lady''s Bool-.) • Her creations are all life-like; her scenes natural: her personages such as one meet. • every day in the haunts of fashion or domestic life. We read her stor)' helievingly, and re iiicinber llie characters afterwards as old acquaintances. To produce such an effect ipou ourscif is to give assurance of an accomplished artist. May this author live to write many stories not only of fashionable, but of all sons of life, and liiay we have them to read. D. APPLETON & go: 8 PUBLICATIONS. Songs and Ballads of the American Revolution. LOYAL AND WHIG, WITH NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS. - BY FRANK MOORE. " More solid things do not sliow the complexion of the times as well as Ballads and Libels. ' ' — Selden. 1 vol. 12mo.j with two illustrations by Darley. Price ^1. (Extract frotn Editor'^s Preface^ This volume presents a selection from the numerous productions, in verse, which ap- peared during the war of the American Eevolution. Many of them are taken from the newspapers and periodical issues of the time, others from original ballad, sheet, and broad- sides; while some have been received from the recollections of a few surviving soldiers, who heard and sang them amid the trials of the camp and the lield. Nearly every company had its "smart one," a poet who beguiled the weariness of the march, or the encampment, by his minsti-elsy, grave or gay, and the imperfect fragments which survive to us, provoke our regret that so few of them have been preserved. {From the Boston Ecening Transeript.) It is a curiosity of literature, a patriotic treasury of quaint, yet honest verse, an antiqua- rian gem, a native and primitive fruit — in short, a delectable book for the curious in litera- ture, and the lovers of the native muse, in her rude infancy. The notes indicate patient research, and give historical value to the v/ork. * * * Xhe verses to the memory of Hale are mournfully graphic ; and, as we take up the book, fresh from Irving's page, it seems to transport us to hamlet and bivouac, and reproduce the life of the people, when the events of the Eevolution were gradually unfolding. {Froin the Albany Morning Express.) The real life of a people may be found in its songs and ballads. The prosaic pen of the historian gives only an outline of the picture ; the true color and complexion of the times are preserved in those traditionary legends and songs, which conceived on the impulse of the moment, inspired by the time and the occasion, and the absorbing scenes of heroic action, are handed down from father to son, and cling to the very heart of the people. Mr. Moore's collection has been long needed, and is a valuable contribution to our national literature. (From the Criterion.) Mr. Moore has done a real service to the country, not only in a literary, but a historical point of vew; and no library or private collection, of any pretension or value, can be without this volume of poetical history. Moore's collections of the Ballads and Songs OF THE Eevolution must fill the same place in the literature of this country that is filled in Great Britain by Scott's Minstkelsy of the Scottish Bokdek. (From the Transcript and Eclectic^ The work fills a void in our national and historical literature; and also addresses iteclf especially to the tastes and comprehension of the masses of the people. (From, Correspondent of Boston Post.) I regard this volume as an exceedingly valuable contribution to our historic literature. * * *" With the rude effusions here first collected, was born American liberty ; and the harp of Homer or Milton could not have been tuned to a nobler resolve than that which called them forth . (From Via N. Y. Entr' Acte.) Mr. Moore has done for his country what Herder did for the Jewish nation — what Goethe and Schiller labored to perform for Germany, early in the last century — namelj', to give ti> the land of his birth a ballad literature; not, indeed, created by his own genius, but collected from among those emanations which were called forth Avhen the forefathers (if (iiir country were upon the battle-field, in defence of human rights, and with arms in Tlicir hands. The fruits of iiis labors will be received with enthusia,'^tic delight. His work bi<'a hi s of Bunker Hill, of Concord, and Lexington. Its poetic productions are associated with tliat struggle, which is among the nio.st noble in history — American Independence. And every American will read it. L. APFLETON \ ^ Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 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