PR 333 <\ 
 18 2-<T 
 
H«ll 
 
 inorfr I .C 
 
Chr ononhoton thologos : 
 
 i ^> C » THE MOST 
 
 TRAGICAL TRAGEDY 
 
 THAT 
 
 EVER WAS TRAGEDIZED 
 
 BY ANY 
 
 i 
 
 COMPANY OF TRAGEDIANS. 
 
 BY H. CAREY. 
 
 FIRST PUBLISHED IN 1T34, 
 
 BALTIMORE: 
 
 PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY J. ROBINSON, 
 
 Circulating Library and Dramatic Repository. 
 
 1829. 
 
It 
 
 f^S 
 
 
 
 c/>;v 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS, 
 
 Chrononhotonthologos, king of Queerummania. 
 
 Bombardinian. his general. 
 
 Aldiborontiphoscophornio, ") rm/rfiprtf 
 
 Ringdum Funnidos. J Lourtiers ' 
 
 Captain of the guards. 
 
 Herald. 
 
 Cook. 
 
 Doctor. 
 
 King of the fidlers. 
 
 King of the Antipodes* 
 
 Fadladinida, gueen of Queerummania. 
 Tatlanthe, her favourite. 
 Two ladies of the court. 
 Two ladies of pleasure, 
 Venus. 
 Cupid. 
 " Guards and attendants, &c. 
 
 SCENE— Queerummania. 
 
 /{y???> 
 
CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 
 
 Scene.— An anti-chamber in the Palace. 
 Enter Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldiboro^tiphos- 
 
 COPHORNIO. 
 
 Rig, Aldiborontifihoscofihornio ! 
 Where left you Chrononhotonthologos ? 
 
 Aldi. Fatigu'd with the tremendous toils of war, 
 Within his tent, on downy couch succumbent, 
 Himself be unfatigues with gentle slumbers: 
 LulPd by the cheerful trumpet's gladsome clangor, 
 The noise of drums, and thunder of artillery, 
 He sleeps supine amidst the din of war: 
 And yet 'tis not definitively sleep ; 
 Bather a kind of doze, a waking slumber, 
 That sheds a stupefaction o'er his senses; 
 For now he nods and snores; anon he starts^ 
 Then nods and snores again : if this be sleep 
 Tell me, ye gods ! what mortal man's awake! 
 What says my friend to this? 
 
 Rig, Say r 1 say he sleeps dog-sleep : 
 
 What a plague wou'd you have me say ? 
 
 Aldi. O impious thought ! O curs'd insinuation! 
 As if great Chrononhotonthologos 
 To animals detestable and vile 
 Had ought the least similitude ! 
 
 Rig. My dear friend ! you entirely misapprehend 
 me : I did not call the king dog by craft ; 1 was only 
 going to tell you that the soldiers have just now re- 
 ceived their pay, and are all as drunk as so many 
 swabbers. 
 
4 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 Aldi. Give orders instantly that no more money- 
 Be issued to the troops: meantime, my friend, 
 Let the baths be filFd with seas of coffee, 
 To stupify their souls into sobriety. 
 
 Rig-. I fancy you had better banish the sutlers, 
 And blow the Geneva casks to the devil. 
 
 Aidi. Thou counsel'st well, my Rigdum-Funnidos, 
 And reason seems to father thy advice : 
 
 But soft! the king in pensive contemplation 
 
 Seems to resolve on some important doubt ; 
 
 His soul, too copious for his earthly fabric, 
 
 Starts forth, spontaneous in soliloquy, 
 
 And makes his tongue the midwife of his mind. 
 
 Let us retire, lest we disturb his solitude, \they tetire 
 
 Enter King. 
 
 King. This god of sleep is watchful to torment me, 
 And rest is grown a stranger to my eyes: 
 Sport not with Chrononhotonthologos, 
 Thou idle slumb'rer, thou detested Somnus: 
 For, if thou dost, by all the waking pow'rs 
 I'll tear thine eye-balls from their leaden sockets, 
 And force thee to out-stare eternity, [exit in a huff % 
 
 Re-enter Rigdum and Aldiboronti. 
 
 Rig. The king is in a most cursed passion .' 
 
 pray who the devil is this Mr. Somnus he's so angry 
 withal ? 
 
 Aidi. The son of Chaos and of Erebus, 
 Incestuous pair ! brother of Mars relentless, 
 Whose speckled robe, and wings of blackest hue, 
 Astonish all mankind with hideous glare; 
 Himself with sable plumes, to men benevolent, 
 Brings downy slumbers and refreshing sleep. 
 
 Rig. This gentleman may come of a very good fa 
 milv, for ought I know; but 1 would not be in his 
 place for the world. 
 
 Aldi But lo! the king his footsteps this way bending, 
 His cogitative faculties immcrs'd 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 7 
 
 So much for dancing ; now let's rest awhile. 
 Bring in the tea things— does the kettle boil ? 
 
 Tat. The water bubbles, and the tea- cups skip, 
 
 Through eager hope to kiss your royal lip. 
 
 {tea brought in. 
 
 Queen. Come, ladies, will you please to choose 
 
 your *ea ; 
 Or green imperial, or Pekoe bohea ? 
 
 1st Lady. Never, no, never sure en earth was 
 
 seen, 
 So gracious, sweet, and affable a queen. 
 
 2d Lady. She is an angel. 
 
 1st Lady. She's a goddess rather. 
 
 Tat. She's angel, queen, and goddess, altogether. 
 Queen. — Away ! you flatter me. 
 
 1st Lady, We don't indeed; 
 
 Your merit does our praise by far exceed 
 
 Queen. You make me blush: pray help me to 
 
 a fan. 
 
 1st Lady That blush becomes you 
 
 lat. Wou'd I were a man. 
 
 Queen. I'll hear no more of these fantastic airs. 
 
 {Bell rings.) 
 The bell rings in: come, ladies, let's to prav'rs, 
 
 ( They dance off.) 
 
 Scene — An anti- chamber. 
 Enter Rigdum Funnidos and Aldiborontiphos- 
 
 COPHORNIO. 
 
 Rig. 'Egad we're in the wrong box! who the de- 
 vil wou'd have thought that Chrononrotonthologos 
 should beat that mortal sight of Tippodeans? why, 
 there's not a mother's child of them to be seen; 'egad, 
 they footed it away as fast as their hands cou'd carry 
 'em ; but they have left their king behind 'em. We 
 have him safe, that's one comfort. 
 
 Jldi. Wou'd he were still at amplest liberty ! 
 
 For, oh ! my dearest Rigdum- Funnidos , 
 
3 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 I have a riddle to unriddle to thee, 
 
 Shall make thee stare thyself into a statue. 
 
 Our queen's in love with this Antifiodean. 
 
 Rig. The devil she is ? well, I see mischief is going 
 forward with a vengeance. 
 
 Aldi, But lo ! the conq'ror comes all crown'd with 
 conquest ! 
 A solemn triumph graces his return. 
 Let's grasp the forelock, of this apt occasion, 
 To greet the victor, in his flow of glory. 
 
 A Grand Triumph. 
 
 Enter Chrononhotonthologos, guards and atten- 
 dants, l$c met by Ri^dum-Fumnidos and Aldi- 
 
 BORONTIPHOSCOPHORNIO. 
 
 Aldi. All hail Chrononhotonthologos ! 
 
 Thrice trebly welcome to your loyal subjects. 
 Myself and faithful Ridgum Funnidos, 
 Lost in a labyrinth of love and loyalty, 
 Intreat you to inspect our inmost souls, 
 And read in them what tongue can never utter. 
 
 Chro % AldiborontifihoscofihorniOy 
 
 To thee, and gentle Rigdum Funnidos, 
 Our gratulations flow in streams unbounded : 
 Our bounty's debtor to your loyalty, 
 Which shall with int'rest be repaid e're long, 
 But where's our quee; ! where's Fadladinida ! 
 She should be foremost in this gladsome train, 
 To grace our triumph ; but I see she slights me. 
 This haughty queen shall be no longer mine, 
 I'll have a sweet and gentle concubine. 
 
 Rig. Now, my dear. little Phoscohhorny % for a 
 
 swinging lye to bring the queen off, and I'll ruu with 
 it to her this minute, that we may be all in a story. 
 Say she has got the thorough-go-nimble. 
 
 (whisfiers and steals off) 
 
 Aldi. Speak not, great Chrononhoton- 
 thologos , 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 5 
 
 In cogibundity of cogitation : 
 Let silence close our folding-doors of speech, 
 Till apt attention tell our heart the purport 
 Of this profound profundity of thought. 
 
 Re-enter King, Nobles, and Attendants, 8cc. 
 
 King. It is resolv'd now, Somnus, I defy 
 
 thee, 
 And from mankind ampute thy curs'd dominion. 
 Tht se royal eyes thou never more shalt close. 
 Henceforth let no man sleep, on pain of death. 
 Instead of sleep, let pompous pageantry 
 Keep all mankind eternally awake. 
 Bid Harlequino decorate the stage 
 With all magnificence of decoration : 
 Giants and giantesses, dwarfs and pigmies, 
 Songs, dances, music, in its amplest order, 
 Mimes, pantomimes, and all the magic motion 
 Of scene deceptiovisive and sublime. 
 
 \the flat scene draws. 
 
 The King is seated, and a grand pantomime enter- 
 tainment is performed ; in the midst of which enters 
 a captain of the guard. 
 
 Capt. To arms, to arms ! great Chrononhoton- 
 t ho logos ! 
 The antipodean pow'rs, from realms below, 
 Have burst the solid entrails of the earth; 
 i Gushing such cataracts of forces forth. 
 This world is too incopious to contain 'em : 
 I Armies on armies march in form stupendous; 
 I Not like our earthly regions, rank by rank, 
 JBut tier o'er tier, high pil'd from earth to Heaven ; 
 A blazing bullet, bigger than the sun, 
 Shot from a huge and monstrous culverin, 
 Has laid your royal citadel in ashes. 
 
 King. Peace, coward ! were they wedg'dlike gold- 
 en ingots, 
 'Or pent so close, as to admit no vacuum ; 
 
 1* 
 
6 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 One look from Chrononhotonthologos 
 
 Shall scare th°m into nothing. Rigdum-Funnidos 
 
 Bid Bombardinian draw his legions forth, 
 
 And meet us in the plains of Queerummania. 
 
 This very now ourselves shall there conjoin him : 
 
 Meantime, bid all the priests prepare their temples 
 
 For rites of triumph : let the singing singers, 
 
 With vocal voices, most vociferous, 
 
 In sweet vociferation, out vociferize 
 
 Ev'n sound itself. So be it as we have order'd. 
 
 [Exeunt omnes. 
 
 Scene — A magnificent Afiartment. 
 Enter Queen, Tatlanthe, and two Ladies. 
 
 Queen, Day's curtain's drawn, the morn begins to 
 rise, 
 And waking nature rubs her sleepy eyes: 
 The pretty little fleecy bleating flocks 
 In baa's harmonious warble through the rocks : 
 Night gathers up her shades in sable shrouds, 
 And whisp'ring oziers tattle to the clouds. 
 What think you, ladies, if an hour we kill, 
 At basset, ombre, picquet, or quadrille? 
 
 Tat. Your majesty was pleas'd to order tea. 
 
 Queen. My mind is alte»-'d ; bring some ratifia, 
 
 [They are serv\l round with a dram. 
 I have a famous fidler sent from France; 
 Bid him come in. What think ye of a dance? 
 
 Enter Fidler. 
 
 Fid. Thus to your majesty, says the suppliant 
 
 muse, 
 Wou'd you a solo or sonata choose ; 
 Or bold concerto, or soft sicilinia, 
 Alia Francese overo in Gusto Romano ? 
 When you command, 'tis done as soon as. spoke. 
 
 Queen. A civil fellow ! play us the Black Joak. 
 
 [music plays. 
 Queen and Ladies dance the Black Joak. 
 
Jarey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. $ 
 
 [n accents so injuriously severe 
 
 3f Fadladinida^ your faithful queen: 
 
 By me she sends an embassy of love, 
 
 Sweet blandishments and kind congratulations, 
 
 (But cannot, oh! she cannot, come herself. 
 
 Chro.— — -Our rage is turn'd to fear: what 
 
 ails the queen? 
 Aldi. A sudden diarrhoea's rapid force 
 ; So stimulates the peristaltic motion, 
 That she by far out does her late out-doing, 
 And all conclude her royal life in danger. 
 
 Chro. Bid the physicians of the world assemble 
 In consultation, solemn and sedate ; 
 More, to corroborate their sage resolves, 
 /Call from their graves the learned men of old: 
 Galen Hippocrates, and Paracelsus; 
 IDoctors, apothecaries, surgeons, chymists, 
 All! all! attend; and see they bring their med'cines, 
 Whole magazines of galli-potted nostrums, 
 Materialized in pharmaceutic order. 
 The man that cures our queen shall have our empire, 
 
 [Exeunt omnes. 
 
 Scene — A Garden, 
 
 Enter Tatlanthe and Queen. 
 
 Queen. Heigh ho ! my heart ! 
 Tat What ails my gracious queen? 
 Queen. O would to Venus I had never seen 
 Ta> Seen what, my royal mistress ? 
 
 Queen. Too, too much ! 
 
 Tat Did it afright you ? 
 
 Queen. No, tis nothing such; 
 
 Tg t. What was it, madam ? 
 
 Queen. Really, I dont know. 
 
 Tat. It must be something! 
 
 Queen. — No ! 
 
 Tat. Or nothing! 
 
10 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey p 
 
 Queen. No. 
 
 Tat. Then I conclude of course, since it was nei- 
 ther, 
 Nothing, and something, jumbled well together. 
 Queen. Oh, my Tatlanthe, have you never seen ! 
 Tat. Can I guess what, unless you tell, my queen ? 
 Queen. The king I mean. 
 7 at. — Just now r^turn'd from war : 
 He rides like Mars in his triumphal car, 
 Conquest precedes with laurels in his hand ; 
 Behind him Fame does on her tripos stand ; 4 
 
 Her golden trump shrill through the air she sounds, 
 Which rends the earth, and thence to heaven re- 
 bounds. 
 Trophies and spoils innumerable grace 
 This triumph, which all triumphs does deface : 
 Haste then, great queen ! your hero then to meet, 
 Who longs to lay his laurels at your feet. 
 
 Queen, Art mad, Tatlanthe? I meant no such 
 
 thing. 
 Your talk's distasteful. 
 
 Tat. - Didn't you name the king? 
 
 Queen. I did, Tatlanthe, but it was not thine ; 
 The charming king I mean, is onlv mine. 
 
 Tat. Who else, who else, but such a charming fair, 
 In Chrononhotonthotogos should share } 
 The queen of beauty, and the god of arms, 
 In him and you united blend their charms. 
 Oh ! had you seen him how he dealt out death. 
 And at one stroke robb'd thousands of their breath: 
 While on the slaughter'd heaps himself did rise, 
 In pyramids of conquest to the skies: 
 The gods all hail'd, and fain would have him stay, 
 But your bright charms have call'd him thence away. 
 
 Queen. This does my utmost indignation raise: 
 You are too pertly lavish in his praise. 
 Leave me for ever (Tatlanthe kneeling) 
 
 Tat. Oh ! what shall I say ? 
 
 Do not, great queen, your anger thus display ! 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 11 
 
 ,0 frown me dead ! let me not live to hear 
 )My gracious queen and mistress so severe ! 
 I've made some horrible mistake, no doubt; 
 Oh, tell me what it is! 
 
 Queen. No, find it out. 
 
 Tat. No, I will never leave you; here I will grow 
 Till you some token of forgiveness show : 
 Ob, all ye powers above, come down, come down! 
 And from her brow dispel that angry frown. 
 
 Queen Tatlanthe, rise, you have prevail'd at last ; 
 Offend no more, and I'll excuse what's past. 
 
 ( Tatlanthe aside, rising) 
 Tat, Why, what a fool was I, not to perceive her 
 passion for the topsy-turvy king, the gentleman that 
 [carries his head where his heels should be? but I 
 must tack about I see. (To the Queen) 
 
 lExcuse me, gracious madam ! if my heart 
 Bears sympathy with you in every part ; 
 With you alike I sorrow and rejoice, 
 Approve your passion, and commend your choice; 
 
 The captive king 
 
 Queen, That's he ! that's he ! that's he! 
 
 , I'd die ten thousand deaths to set him free : 
 Oh, my Tatlanthe ! have you seen his face, 
 His air. his shape, his mein, his every grace, 
 In what a charming attitude he stands, 
 i- How prettily he foots it with his hands! 
 Well, to his arms, no, to his legs I fly, 
 I For I must have him, if I live or die. [Exeunt 
 
 Sckne — 4 bed chamber, Chrononhotonthologos 
 asleefi. Rough music, viz. Salt boxes and rolling- 
 pins, gridirons and tongs ; soiv-gelders' horns, mar- 
 row-bones and cleavers, £3*c. fcfc. {he wakes, 
 
 Chro. What heavenly sounds are these that charm 
 my ears! 
 Sure 'tis the music of the tuneful spheres. 
 
12 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 Enter Captain of the Guards, 
 
 Cap,. A messpnger from general Bombardinian 
 Craves instant audience of your majesty. 
 Chro. Give him admittance. 
 
 Entre Herald. 
 
 Her. Long life to Chrononhotonthologos ! 
 Your faithful general Bombardinian 
 Sends you his tongue transplanted in my mouth, 
 To pour his soul out in your royal ears. 
 
 Chro. Then use thy master's tongue with rever- 1 
 ence, 
 Nor waste it in thine own loquacity, 
 But briefly and at large declare thy message. 
 
 Her Suspend a while, great Chrononhotonthologos, 
 The fate of empires, and the toils of war; 
 And in mv tent let's quaff phalernian wine, 
 Till our souls mount, and emulate the gods. 
 Two captive females, beauteous as the morn, 
 Submissive to your wishes, court vour option. 
 Haste then great king, to bless us with your presence. 
 Our scouts already watch the wish'd approach, 
 Which bhall be welcom'd by the drum's dread rattle, 
 The cannon's thunder, and the trumpet's blast; 
 While I, in front of mighty myrmidons, 
 Re ceive mv king in all the pomp of war. 
 
 Chro. Tell him I come ; my flying steed prepare ; 
 Ere thou art half on horse-back, I'll be there. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 Scene — A prison. 
 
 The king of the Antipodes discovered sleeping on a 
 
 couch. 
 
 Enter Queen. 
 
 Queen. Is this a place, oh, all ye gods above! 
 ^his a reception for the man I love ? 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. IS 
 
 See in what sweet.tranquillity he sleeps, 
 While nature's self at his confinement weeps. 
 Rise, lovely monarch ! see your friend appear, 
 No Chrononhotonthotogos is here ; 
 Command vour freedom, by this sacred ring; 
 Then command me: what sa\s my charming king? 
 ( She fiuts the ring in his mouth, he bends the sea- 
 crab, and makes a roaring noise, J 
 Queen. What can this rneani he lays his feet at 
 mine, 
 Is this of love or hate his country's sign ? 
 Ah. wretched queen ! how hapless is thy lot, 
 To love a man that understands thee not ! 
 Oh, lovelv Venus, goddess all divine ; 
 And gentle Cupid, that sweet son of thine, 
 Assist, assist me, with your sacre^ art, 
 And teach me to obtain this stranger's heart. 
 
 Venus descends in her chariot, and sings. 
 
 AIR. 
 
 Yen. See Venus does attend thee, 
 
 My dilding, ray dolding. 
 Love's goddess will befriend thee, 
 
 Lily bright and shinee. 
 \Yith pity and compassion, 
 
 My dilding, my dolding, 
 She sees thy tender passion, 
 
 Lily, &c. Da Capo. 
 
 AIR changes. 
 
 To thee I yield my pow'r divine, 
 
 Dance over the lady lee, 
 Demand whate'er thou wilt, tis thine, 
 
 My gay lady. 
 Take this magic wand in hand, 
 
 Dance, &c 
 All the world's at thy commaud, 
 
 My gay, &c. Da Capo. 
 
 2 
 
14 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 Cupid descends, and sings. 
 A R. 
 
 Are you a widow, or are you a wife ? 
 
 Gilly flower, gentle rosemary, 
 Or are you a maiden, so fair and so bright.'' 
 As the dew that flies over the mulberry -tree. 
 Queen, Would I were a widow, as 1 am a wife, 
 
 Gilly flower, &c 
 But I'm to my sorro v, a maiden as bright, 
 
 As the dew, &c. 
 Cupid, You shall be a widow before it is night, 
 
 Gilly flower, &c. 
 No longer a maiden so fair and so bright, 
 
 As the dew, &c. 
 Twojolly young husbands your person shall share, 
 
 Gilly flower, &c. 
 And twenty fine babies, all lovely and fair, 
 
 As the dew, &c. 
 Queen. O thanks, Mr. Cupid ! for this your good news, 
 
 Gillyflower, &c. 
 What woman alive would such favours refuse, 
 
 While the dew, &c. 
 
 (Venus and Cupid re - ascend ; the Queen goes off, 
 and the king of the Antipodes follows, walking 
 on his hands — scene closes. ) 
 
 Scene — Bombardinian's tent. 
 
 King and Bombardinian, at a table, with two la- 
 dies. 
 
 Bomb. This honour, royal sir! so royalizes 
 The royalty of vour most royal actions, 
 The dumb can only utter forth your praise ; 
 For we, who speak, want words to tell our meaning, 
 Here! fill the goblet with phalernian wine, 
 And, while our monarch drinks, bid the shrill trum- 
 pet 
 Tell all the gods that we propine their healths. 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 15 
 
 Chro. Hold, Bombardinian> I esteem it fit, 
 W, ith so much wine to eat a little bit. 
 
 Bomb. See that the table instantly be spread, 
 With all that art and nature ean product. 
 Traverse from pole to pole ; sail round the globe, 
 Bring every eatable that can be eat ; 
 The king shall eat, though all mankind be starv'd. 
 
 Cook, i am afraid his majesty will be starved, be- 
 fore 1 can run round the world for a dinner — besides, 
 where's the money ? 
 
 Chro. Ha! dost thou prattle, contumacious slave? 
 Guards, seize the villain! broil him, fry him, stew 
 
 him ; 
 Ourselves shall eat him out of mere revenge. 
 
 Cook O pray your majesty, spare my life ; there's 
 some nice cold pork in the pantry; I'll hash it for 
 your majesty in a minute. 
 
 Chro, Be thou first hash'd in hell, audacious slave. 
 (Kills him, and turns to Bombardinian. 
 Hash'd pork ■ shall Chi oncnhotonthologos 
 Be fed with swine's flesh, and at second-hand! 
 Kow, by the gods! thou dost insult us, general! 
 
 Bomb. The gods can witness, that I little thought 
 Your majesty to other flesh than this 
 Had anght the least propensity. 
 
 [Pointing to the ladies. 
 
 Chro. Is this a dinner for a hungry monarch? 
 
 Bomb. Monarchs, as great as Chrononhotontholo- 
 
 K<*\ • - 
 Have made a very hearty meal of worse. 
 
 Chro. Ha! traitor! dost thou brave me to my 
 
 teeth? 
 
 Take this reward, and learn to mock thy master. 
 
 [Strikes him. 
 
 Bomb A blow ! shall Bombardinian take a blow ! 
 
 Blush ! blush, thou sun ! start back, thou rapid 
 
 ocean ! 
 
 Hills! vales! seasj mountains! all commixing 
 
 crumble, 
 
16 CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. [Carey 
 
 And into chaos pulverize the world ; 
 For Bombardinian has receiv'd a blow, 
 And Chrononhotonthologos shall die. (Draws.) ' 
 ( The women run off, crying help, I murder ', b*c. 
 Chro. What means the traitor! 
 
 Bomb. Traitor, in thy teeth, 
 
 Thus I defy thee ! 
 
 [They fight he kills the King. 
 
 ——Ha! what h^ve I done? 
 Go, call a coach, and let a coach be call'd ; 
 And let the man that calls it be the caller : 
 And in his calling, let him nothing call, 
 But coach ! coach! coach ! oh ' for a coach, ye gods! 
 
 [Exit raving. 
 Returns with a doctor. 
 
 Bomb. How far*s your majesty ? 
 
 Doct. — My lord, he's dead. 
 
 Bomb. Ha! dead! impossible! it cannot be ! 
 I'd not believe him, though himself should swear it. 
 Go join his body to his soul again, 
 Or, by this light, thy soul shall quit thy body. 
 
 Doct. My lord, he's far beyond the power of physic, 
 His soul has left his body and this world. 
 
 Bomb. Then go to t'other world and fetch it back. 
 
 [kills him. 
 And if I find thou triflest with me there, 
 I'll chase thy shade through myriads of orbs, 
 And drive thee far beyond the verge of nature. 
 
 Ha ! Call'st thou, Chrononhotonthologos? 
 
 I come ' your faithful Bombardinian comes ! 
 He comes in worlds unknown to make new wars, 
 And gain thee empires numerous as the stars, 
 
 [he kills himself 
 
 Enter Queen, and others. 
 
 Aldi. O horrid ! horrible, and horridest horror! 
 Our king ! our general ! our cook ! our dor.tor ! 
 All dead ' stone dead ! irrevocably dead ! 
 O — h ! ■■ ■ [all groan a tragedy groan 
 
Carey] CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 17 
 
 Queen. My husband dead! ye gods! what is't you 
 mean, 
 To make a widow of a virgin queen ? 
 For, to my great misfortune, he, poor king, 
 Has left me so; isn't that a wretched thing? 
 
 Tat. Why then, dear madam ! make no farther 
 pother, 
 Were I your majesty, I'd try another. 
 
 Queen. I think 'tis best to follow thy advice. 
 
 Tat. I'll fit you with a husband in a trice . 
 
 f Here's Rigdum- Funnidos, a proper man; 
 ' If any one can please a queen, he can. 
 Rig. Ay, that I can, and please your majesty. 
 So, ceremonies apart, let's proceed to business. 
 
 Queen. Oh, but the mourning takes up all my care, 
 I'm at a loss what kind of weeds to wear. 
 Rig. Never talk of mourning, madam, 
 One ounce of mirth, is worth a pound of sorrow, 
 Let's bed to night, and then we'll wed to-morrow. 
 I'll make thee a great man, my little Phoscofihorny. 
 
 [to Aldi , aside. 
 Aldi. I scorn your bounty, I'll be king, or nothing. 
 Draw, miscreant ! draw ! 
 
 Rig. No, sir, I'll take the law. 
 
 [runs behind the Queen. 
 Queen. Well, gentlemen, to make the matter easy, 
 I'll have you both; and that, I hope, will please ye. 
 And now, Tatlantht^ thou art all my care ; 
 Where shall I find thee such another pair ? 
 Pity that you, who've served so long, so well, 
 Should die a virgin, and lead apes in Hell. 
 Choose for yourself, dear girl, our empire round, 
 Your portion is twelve hundred thousand pound. 
 Aldi. Here ! take these dead and bloody corpse 
 away ; 
 Make preparation for our wedding-day. 
 Instead of sad solemnity, and black, 
 Our hearts should swim in claret, and in sack. 
 
 END OF CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 
 014 151 237 7 
 
 PROLOGUE. 
 
 TO night our comic muse the buskin wears, 
 
 And gives herself no small romantic airs ; 
 
 Struts in heroics, and in pompous verse 
 
 Do s the minutest incidents rehearse; 
 
 In Ridicule's strict retrospect displays 
 
 The poetasters of these modern days; 
 
 Who with big bellowing bom bast rend our ears, 
 
 Which, stript of sound, quite void of sense appears ; 
 
 Or else tneir fiddle-faddle numbers flow, 
 
 Serenely dull, elaborately low ; 
 
 Either extreme when vain pretenders take, 
 
 The actor suffers for the author'* sake, 
 
 The quite tir'd audience lose whole hours; yet pay 
 
 To go un~pleas'd and un-improv'd away. 
 
 This being our scheme, we hope you will excuse 
 
 The wild excursion of the wanton muse; 
 
 Who out of frolic wears a mimic mask, 
 
 And sets herself so whimsical a task ; 
 
 Tis meant to please; but, if it should offend, 
 
 It's very short, and soon will have an end. 
 
 ! 
 
 V, 
 
\ 
 
 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 1