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1^ DEMOCRACY UNVEILED, 
 
 OR, 
 
 T T R A N N r 
 
 STRIPPED OF THE 
 GARB OF PATRIOTISM. 
 
 BY CHRISTOPHER CAUSTIC, L. L. D. 
 
 !^c. Sfc. 8fc. 8fc. Sfc. S^c. S^^c. 4'c. S^c. 
 
 d?.0 (J. ^P 
 
 CcBcum domus scelus ornne retexit. 
 
 You rogues ! you rof^ues ! you're al! found out 
 And, " We the People," I've no doubt. 
 Will put a period to your dashing,. 
 And Iwnest mm will come in fashion. 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. I. 
 
 THIRD EDITION, WITH LARGE ADDITIONS. 
 
 NEW-YORK: 
 
 PRINTED FOR I. RILEY, 4- CO. 
 
 180G. Wr 
 
*^ §rf §SiRE IT,|^EMEMBERED, That on the Fifth 
 
 ^■^|;^i3|8fe^cU4:ot-1^ in the Thirtieth year of 
 
 tii^S653ePli^ice of the United States of America, 
 Thomas Green Fessenden, of the said district, hath 
 deposited in this office tlie title of a book, the right 
 whereof he claims as proprietor, in the words and figures 
 following, to wit, 
 
 " Democracy Unveiled, or Tyranny Stripped 
 ** of the Garb of Patriotism. 
 
 " By Christopher Caustic, L. L. D. &c. &c. &c. 
 &c. &c. &c. &c. &c. &c. 
 
 " Ccecmn domus scdus omne retexit. J 
 
 '* You rogues ! you rogues ! you're all found out . L** 
 *' And ** We, the People," I've no doubt, .^(L I^O A 
 " Will put a period to your dashing, \ "^ \y 
 
 " And honest men will come in fasliion. OT*^ 
 
 " In Two Volumes, Vol. I. Third Edition, with la 
 
 ** Additions. ' -^^ 
 
 In Conformity to the Act of Congress of the Uni-^\ 
 ted States, entitled " An Act for the encouragement of 
 Learning, by securing the Copies of Maps, Charts and 
 Books to the authors and proprietors of such copies during 
 the times therein mentioned," ap.d also to an act, entitled 
 " An Act, Supplementary to an Act, entitled *' An Act 
 for the encouragement of Learning, by securing tlic co- 
 pies of Maps, Charts and Books to the Authors and P o- 
 prietors of such copies during the times therein mention- 
 ed ; and extending the benefit thereof to the Arts, De- 
 signing, Engraving, and etching Historical Prints." 
 
 EDWARD DUNSCOMB, 
 Clerk of the District of New York. 
 
 irge \^V - 
 
preface* 
 
 ■W. 
 
 ITH a solicitude to conliibute to the amount 
 of what my exertions can eiTect, for the welfare of my 
 country, I have ventured to appear before tlie Tribunal 
 of the Ajnerican Public, in the character of an author. 
 1 hope I shall receive credit for the assertion, when I as- 
 sure my countrymen, that my motives arise from a deep 
 conviction, that our civil and political rights — all that 
 can stamp a value on Society — are menaced by bad men 
 now dominant, and bad principles, inculcated by the de- 
 magogues and philosophists of the day. 
 
 I am fully aware, that this publication will make rae 
 not a few inveterate personal enemies ; but a wish to be 
 serviceable to my country, is paramount to every other 
 consideration. 
 
 I have indeed shown but little lenity to those men 
 whom I have thought deserving of the lash. But I have 
 been careful to bring forward "no " railing accusation" 
 against any man ; and I am confident thalpHiese voluin€<s 
 
iv PREFACE. 
 
 contain nothing which is calculated to convey incorrect 
 ideas of our public men aod public measures. 
 
 In our Government, time was not allowed for the con- 
 solidation of its parts, nor was the value of the '* machine" 
 fairly tested by being put completely in motion, befor« 
 our Gallatins began to clog " its wheels," and our Kan* 
 dolphs and Nicholsons now threaten to pull it <o pieces, 
 and to throw us into a state of society bordering on that 
 of the savage. An exposition of their arts is absolutely 
 incumbent on every man who possesses the means of in- 
 formation, and who holds the pen of a writer. 
 
 The people cannot be materially injured in their inter- 
 est, unless they are deceived, and they cannot long be 
 deceived, if as great efforts are made to enlighten thera 
 by their true friends, as by their pretended friends to keep 
 them in ignorance. It would be, indeed, a most infamous 
 aspersion on the People of the United States, to insinuate, 
 that if theTj had known, that many men who now fill the 
 highest offices in government, were destitute of common 
 honesty, they would liave hoBoured them with their suf- 
 frages. Yet it is a fact, that the characters of many of 
 them are stained with crimes of the dee]iest dies, and in- 
 stead of being placed at the head of government, they 
 deserve to be arraigned at the bar of justice. 
 
 With respect to the maainer in which I hare executed 
 this Poem, 1 am sensible i shall not escape the shafts of 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 the small critics, and doubtless, my faults will deserve the 
 animadversion of those who are qualified suo«essors of 
 Louginus.* 
 
 " But do I then, (abjuring every aim) 
 All censure slight, and all applause disclaim? 
 Not so : where Judgment holds the rod, I boMT 
 My humble neck, aw^i by her angry brow." 
 
 GiFFORD. 
 
 I have divided the poetry, although of the Hudibrastic 
 kind, i«to four-line stanzas. For this singularity I am not 
 positive I can justify myself. The division appeared to 
 me to give the work an apophtliegmatica! appearance, 
 and to facilitate the reading, and by (if I may be allowed 
 an Americanism) locating each line with more precision 
 than would otuei wi'^e be done, to assist the memory ot 
 the reader. 
 
 * Gentlemen or' ihis (inscription should not, however, 
 pronounce a vr: ;;r^ without .* proper aliention to the 
 merits of tiie c.:'' e. A Reviewer, m that respectable 
 puoiication, th>' B.»?:on Monthly Anthology, trips a. little, 
 in supposing thdf wo have stumbled cm an Anachronism. 
 
 " In the n-xt Canto, Mobocracy," he tells us, ** is an 
 Anachronism •)! • 'iUle u;-e that perhaps the author, so 
 fai i'io;n -ntc <;.r.; '^oclerivt^ advantage from if, in the 
 hniry 'jf C'M^ •■'■•:.. (.I'rl not observe it. The rebellion 
 of J7S6is (. j; ; . ■. :' one of the consequences of that 
 spirit, exciiec '.r • utionary proceedingsin France."' 
 
 ii. 2 If; 
 
M PREFACE. 
 
 I am likevrise aware, that I shall be accused of puns, 
 alliteralions, iterations, and other deviations from the 
 precise path in which their reverences, the Critics, would 
 fain have me walk. 
 
 " With these grave fops, who, (bless their brains) 
 Most cruel to themselves, take pains 
 For wretchedness, and would be thought 
 Much wiser than a wise man ought 
 For bis own happiness to be, — 
 Who what they hear, and what they see, 
 And what they smell, and taste, and feel. 
 Distrust, ** till Reason sets the sea!." — 
 
 If the gentleman will examine that Canto more min- 
 utely, he will perceive that the spirit of the 'rebellion of 
 1786 is represented ^% preparing the way for the introduc- 
 tion of French revoliationary principles. It is true that 
 the events alluded to in the Poem are not set down in 
 chronological order, for that was not possible without des- 
 troying the connection of the Poem. The following lines 
 will furnish him with a clue to the labyrinth of which he 
 complains : 
 
 *' Now, certain causes, most untoward. 
 Prepared the people to be fro ward," &c. 
 
 [P. 59, lst& 2d edition. 
 
 After stating, among those causes, the half extinguish- 
 ed fire of rebellion in Massachusetts, the Poem proceeds: 
 
 " The smouldering flame in secret burn'd. 
 When Jefferson from France return'd," &c. 
 
 [P. C4, 1st & 2d edition. 
 
PREFACE. vii 
 
 With whom 
 " Not one idea is allowM 
 To pass unquestion'd in the crowd, 
 But ere it can obtain a place 
 Of holding in the brain a place 
 Before the Chief in congregation, 
 Must stand a strict examination,"^ 
 
 I shall not attempt to reason, but quietly await their 
 sentence. 
 
 + Churchill. 
 
fntroliuctiort 
 
 TO 
 
 THE THIRD EDITION. 
 
 >'.>• 
 
 JL HE foregoing prefatory remarks were writtcB 
 for the first edition of the following Poem. The addi- 
 tions made to this impression, having doubled the size 
 of the work, seem to require additional observations of an 
 introductory nature. Some strictures, remarks, and hints 
 for the improvement of this Poem, which were proffered 
 on the appearance of the first edition, present, likewise, 
 claims to attention, which I now respectfully beg leave t» 
 acknowledge, and will attempt to cancel. 
 
 I hate been accused of undue severity in the applica* 
 tion of my satirical scourge ; and some have afilirmed 
 that I appear disposed rather to scarify than to chastise in 
 areasonable manner those culprits, who are so unfortunate 
 as to come under my lash. To such a charge I would 
 reply in the language of Mr. Giflford, in his description 
 of Anthony Pasquin, that some of the subjects of th« 
 following satire are *'so lost to every sense of decency and 
 
INTRODUCTION. ix 
 
 shajne, as to he fitter objects for the headle than the 
 muse." Emollients, palliatives and even gentle caustics 
 avail nothing when a gangrene has taken place ; but 
 when less powerful escharotics prove ineffectual, perhaps 
 the clue application of Lapis InfernalU may preserve a 
 defective limb from amputation. 
 
 To those whom I have thought myself in justice bound 
 to expose on the Gibbet, I have no other apology to make 
 for the treatment they have experienced than is contained 
 in the following couplets: 
 
 •" Enfin ton impudence 
 
 Temeraire Vieilard ? aura sa recompeiiGe."* 
 
 *' Miscreant, the scourge which you to day endure. 
 Cuts to the bone — but then it cuts to cure."f 
 
 Those men, who hare *' set the country and constitu- 
 tion in a blaze"§ have no right to expect any thing emin- 
 ently civil in return for such a favour. The Dunnes, the 
 Cheelhams, and ihe Pasquins of our distracted country 
 are as little entitled to that civility which regulates the 
 intercourse of gentkjiicn, as are a band of night-prowling 
 banditti to the courtesy of chivalry. f[ 
 
 ■* Boiltau. f Gijford. § Hon Fiaher Ames. 
 
 % " In a state of refinen^.ejit an avoidance in company, 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 It has likewise been urged that I have displayed but 
 little of the " spirit of poetr}'"§ in this production ; have 
 »ot poured from my 
 
 -" Big breast's piolific rone. 
 
 A proud poetic fervour, only known 
 To souls like theirs.*' 
 
 a look of contempt, a silent glance cf Indiginalion may 
 prove a sufficient restraint to a person susceptible of the 
 nicer feelings"*; but a horde of Calmucks, or a gang of 
 Democrats must be disciplined with more severity. 
 
 * Chipman's '* Principles cf GoTernment." 
 
 § So says a writer in the Baltimore Evening Post of July 
 24th, 1805, My excuse lor takini^ notice of such a com- 
 pound of malice and stupidity may be found in page 7th 
 note 1 1th of the following work. An English Satirist, in 
 apologizing for having stooped to attack a malignant 
 scribbler, declared, in substance, that it was not consistent 
 with the true interests of literature that ignorant and ma- 
 licious blockheads of that description should be forgot- 
 ten — that they ought to be gibbelted for the scorn of the 
 wise and the terror of fools. 
 
 I shou'd not, however, have been induced by i\\e folly 
 merely of this Baltimore Evening Post man to expose 
 him, but his .v/'eer A-^flrerz/, demands the lash. A wit- 
 ling, who will niisquGte Irom iin autlior, in order to find 
 fault with absurdities which did not originally exist, but 
 were manufactured by the critic for the occasion, would 
 not hesitate to comn it any other species of forgery, could 
 fee hope to dt> it with impunity. 
 
 After a quantum sufficit of prefatory nonsense, in which, 
 among other things, he hugs himself for his sagacity in 
 
INTRODUCTION. xi 
 
 Or, in other words, have exhibited no signs of that mad- 
 ness, whicli half-'*vita rulslake for poetic inspiration. To 
 
 not calling *•' quotations" ** criticisrmV' he vaults upon 
 his Pegasus. 
 
 That limps along, so heavy moulded. 
 
 That Sttrnhold's self seems out-Sternholded, 
 
 Here they go ! 
 
 ** Other folks shall sound his fame 
 Who have or have not heard his name, 
 Ages unborn shall chaunt his praise. 
 And Butler's self begin the lays." 
 
 He next accuses the author of Democracy Unveiled of 
 tautology ,hec2Lu^e theorised and theorising both occur in 
 the same Canto ! 
 
 This man would, no doubt, have proved Pope a most 
 egregious tautologist, for he says, 
 
 ♦< Where wigs \\\ih ivigs, with sword-knots sword-knots 
 
 strive. 
 Beaux banish beaux, and coaches coaches drive." 
 
 '* Of various habit and of "carious die," &c. 
 
 This forni'dable Critic j)roceed> to pass sentence of con- 
 demnation upon the rhymes, which happen not to suit his 
 fancy. This is a specimen of iiis carping: 
 
 " Philosophists Illuminati, 
 Beings of whom at any rate I." 
 
 <Mf you sound (says he) the *a'in * illuminati' as iij 
 * far' you will be sure not to make a rhyme." 
 
 In justificati -n of this rhyme 1 shall not rely on the li- 
 cence allowed in Hudibrastic verse, but shall give exam- 
 ples of greater liberties taken by the best architect of 
 rhymes among tiie English Poets. 
 
 " Of man, what see we but his station here. 
 From \ihich to reason or to which refer-*' 
 
Xli 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 sucli I would beg again to reply in the words of Mr. 
 Gifford: 
 
 — 0. " My lays 
 
 That wake no envy, and invite no praise. 
 Half creeping, and half flying, yet suffice 
 To stagger iinpudence ami ruffle vice." 
 
 •" Pleas'dtothelast he crops the flowery /oorf, 
 And licks the hand just ra.^'d to shed his blood-" 
 " O biindne«^s to the future ! kindly given, 
 That each may fill the circle mark'd by heaven ." 
 
 *' Oh thou ! whatever title please ihine ear. 
 Dean, Drapier, Buckersiaff, or Gullircr!" 
 
 Kow will this mole-eyed scribbler pretend that Pope did 
 not understand rhyming; or would he iiave us believe 
 that the rhvmes must be more exact in Hudibrastic poe- 
 try, than inEiigli-h Hexameter. 
 
 Again he informs us that *' n'^w how" and " pow 
 wow," manage ill, and *'ansel," ''sedulity" and " cre- 
 du'ity," " Louisiana" atul " rainy," "Calcutta" and " a- 
 bout'a," "nation" and *' oppugnation," "treaty" and 
 «' yet he," are bad rhymes. 
 
 But we find such 1icenc>"s can be justified by the 
 authority of authors of ucknowledged merit, who have 
 written the same s-pecies of poetry. 
 
 In Hudibras we have die fallowing: 
 
 " When pul})it, drum ecclesiastic 
 Was beat with fist instead of a stick." 
 
INTRODUCTION. xi 
 
 Or, if my own language will be acceptable, I will repeat 
 what I once before observed, when engaged in hunting 
 
 Although my rambling muse, so airy, 
 
 Is wild as Oberon the fairy. 
 
 Her ladyship is forc'd to stoop, 
 
 To hit the Jacobinic group, 
 
 Must dig, and delve or take her aim 
 
 A thousand leagues above her game. 
 
 " Quarrel with mincM pies and cYisparcige 
 Their best and dearest friend, plumb porridge.^* 
 
 " Thus was he giftf^d and d-ccoutred. 
 We mean on th inside not the outivard.'' 
 
 ** It doth behove us to say something 
 
 Of that which bore our viiWunt bumpkin.'^ 
 
 *'The bear is safe and out of peril, 
 
 Though lugg'd indeed and wounded very ill.''* 
 
 " They count a vile ahomwation. 
 But not to slaughter a whole nation,^^ 
 
 Instances of similar licences niay be produced from 
 Prior, Swift and Huddesford ; but'l forbear to enlarge; 
 and should not have troubled the reader with these re- 
 marks had I not heard such objections urged by critics of 
 more respectability than this Baltiniore dabbler^ But the 
 malignity discovered by the inisquotations shows that in 
 him the heart of a jacobin is united with the head of a 
 sciolist. 
 
 In the first editions of Democracy Unveiled the fol- 
 lowing couplet occurs : 
 
 B 
 
xiv INTRODUCTION, 
 
 I have preferred rhyme as a vehicle of my sentiments, 
 chiefly, because I could express more, and impress certain, 
 axioms, with more energy in the same number of words in 
 rhyme than in prose. But tlights of fancy were out of 
 the question in wading through the disgusting details of 
 individual enormity, which an attention to my subject 
 rendered necessary. For the abundant use which I have 
 made of notes, I have the example of some of the best 
 English satirists, and njay, perhaps, be allowed theapolo* 
 
 Is it not true, he left no stones 
 Unturn'd for Gabriel Jones. 
 
 The horizontal stroke, was intended to supply the place 
 of a word descriptive of Jefferson's conduct in his transac- 
 tion with Mr. Jones. But this honest critic has misqunted 
 the couplet by leaving out the stroke, and declared that 
 the defect was in the poem as it originally stood ! 
 
 Again he misquotes the following couplet : 
 
 *' A single Jacobin, or scarce one 
 
 More mischievous than this said parson," 
 
 the last word of which he has altered io ''person,^* in 
 order to find fault with the rhyme. 
 
 He next states what is not true about theEnglishKeviews 
 of "Terrible Tractoration," which he says '* the English 
 lleviewers mention in very vague terms indeed." The 
 testimonies subjoined to this work will show thefalsehood 
 of that assertion. But I wash my hands of this 
 
 " Unfinish'd thing, one knows not what to call. 
 His generation's so equivoc«/ ;"* 
 
 and if his folly is not superior to his malignity, he will 
 keep out of my path in future. 
 
 * Pope's Essay on Criticism. 
 
INTRODUCTION. xv 
 
 gy of the author of the " Pursuits of Literatures'^ who, 
 speaking of satire, says, '^ as it is a view of life, designed 
 to.be presented to other times, as well as those in which 
 it is written, the necessity of an author's furnishing notes 
 to his own composition is evident, to clear up such diffi- 
 culties as the lapse of time would unavoidably create." 
 
 I have been not a little amused by the suggestions of 
 my friends respecting wliat might and ought to have been 
 done for rendering this poem more complete. Some 
 would have had me fabricate a production in the mock 
 heroic stile, and fashioning a hero after the model of Don 
 Quixotte, send iiim a tilting and tournamenting thro' the 
 world, assailing the windmills, giants and dragons of de- 
 Kiocracy in the true stile of chivalry. Others would have 
 me sit. down and in sober sadness attempt to imitate the 
 ''Pursuits of Literature." But with becoming deference to 
 the opinion of such sage advisers, an author must be al- 
 lowed the privilege of consulting his own genius, for ^'no 
 man." says Swift, '* ever made an ill figure, who under- 
 stood his own talents, nor a good one who mistook them." 
 
 It has been objected to this poem, that the connection 
 of its different parts is not sufficiently obvious: But in 
 embracing a field so extensive as I have chosen, it would 
 be found extremely difficult to proceed step by step like 
 a mathematical demonstration. I am sure that the great- 
 er part of what I have written will be found to tend di' 
 rectly or indirectly to the main object of the poem, t« 
 
xTi INTRODUCTION. 
 
 strip the mask from democracy, and expose in their true 
 colours the men, who are either ignorantly or maliciously 
 busied in prostrating the pillars of social order, and whose 
 disorganizing efforts threaten to deliver America, bound 
 hand and foot, to domestic usurpers or foreign tyrants.* 
 
 I have followed no model in the construction of this 
 poem, excepting so far as to observe the general rules of 
 composition for HudiUrastic poetry. In my rhymes, I 
 think I have been as exact as the best English authors, 
 w ho have written poetry of this description. Indeed I hope 
 the work, with all its faults, will serve as a sort of coiri- 
 pendiinn of Federal principles, a key to facts,3nd a concise 
 exposition of the arts of demagogues, and may enable 
 some honest federalists to give a reason for the political 
 faith which they profess. 
 
 I have, probab'y, been indebted for some of my ideas, 
 aiid,possibly,some of my expressions, to au-.horsto whom 
 I may have omitted to give credit for their performan- 
 ces.f No man, however, has a more thorough contempt 
 
 *'*'rhere may be much diversity in tlie process, but the 
 result is nearly the same; the chief difference is, that 
 small states, generally, call in a master from abroad, and 
 great nations make a master for themselves." 
 
 Governor Stroni^'s Speech. 
 
 f An acknowledgment to theRev SethParson, for some 
 passages extracted from his tract, entitled *' Proofs of the 
 
INTRODUCTION. xvii 
 
 for a plagiarist than myself ; but in the hurry of com- 
 position, I may have, inadvertently, stumbled on the 
 sentiments of others, without being able to distinguish 
 them from my own conceptions. 
 
 Repetitions of ideas and of words, in the following 
 poem, frequently occur, and will, perhaps, subject me to- 
 the censure of critics. I thought, however, that it might be 
 useful in some instances '' to give line upon line." If 
 I am wrong, in this particular, it is not owing to careless^ 
 ness, but defect in judgment. 
 
 Many passages in the following pages will, perhaps, be 
 thought of too trifling import to be allowed a place in a 
 work which treats of some of the most important topics 
 which can interest humanity. But for this I shall borrow 
 an apology from Horace : 
 
 '* Ego si risi quod inepLus Pastillos Rufillus olet, lividus- 
 et mordax videar ?"]: 
 
 existence and dangerous tendency of lUuminism," was, 
 through accident, omitted in this edition. 
 
 i If I smile because the stupid Rufillus is scented with 
 perfumes, must I be stigmatized as a man of an envious 
 and malicious disposition, 
 
 B2 
 
XYiii INTRODUCTION. 
 
 - I believe there is no law in the code of legitimate criti- 
 cism, which prohibits a poet from an occasional traffic ia 
 trifles. Besides the powers of serious argument and in- 
 vective against our political back-sliders have been long 
 since exhausted by the essayists of the day. Kidicule 
 seems to be the only weapon which has not fallen blunt- 
 ed from the brazen buckler of Democracy, like the dart 
 of Priamfrom the bosses of Pyrrlius. 
 
 I am sensible that I have presented to view some fright- 
 ful pictures of political and moral depravity ; but as tiiey 
 are drawn from the life, I cannot be implicated in their 
 disgusting appearance. To those, who are inclined to 
 suppose any part of the following publication libellous, 
 I would observe that I, have not written with a 
 view ** to create animosities and disturb the public 
 peace."* It is time that the community were well and 
 tiuly informed of the characters of the principal per- 
 formers on our political theatre ; and if wc cannot draw 
 llie curtain without the appearance of a ** Castle Spectre*' 
 let us in earnest set about exorcising the land of the de- 
 mons which infest us. 
 
 Every man, who has any thing at stake in society, is 
 equally concerned with myself in the topics wliich are 
 
 ♦ Blacksiones Com, B, 4. Ch. II. 
 
INTRODUCTION. xix 
 
 brouglit into view in the following procluclion. Men of 
 property, and men wliose talents and industry aiford 
 tliem a reasonable prospect of its acquisition, are inter- 
 ested to the amount of their possessions and prospects/ in 
 a regular, efficient and just government. If our politi- 
 cal rights are undefined and insecure, our civil rights y 
 among which is the right of property, will not long be 
 respected. If the fountain head be contaminated, the 
 streams cannot remain pure ; and if our public atfairs are 
 badly conducted, individual distress will be the conse- 
 quence. The anxiety which some of our luke-warm led- 
 eraiists show for the acquisition of property, while those 
 institutions, .which alone can protect them in its enjoy- 
 ment, are crumbling to pieces about them, is not unlike 
 the sagacity of a profound gentleman, who, when his 
 house was burning, was very active in placing for security 
 his valuable effects in a closet which made a part of the edi- 
 fice on fire. Professional men,men of education,all who pos- 
 sess talents or acquirements which entilie them to distinc- 
 tion in society, are called on to put a stop to tiie work of 
 destruction commenced by the party now in povv'er, and 
 progressing under the auspices of our Randolphs, Nich- 
 oisons and Duancs. 
 
 1 he theme which I have chosen in the following work, 
 has been not a little hacknied. The subject of American 
 politics has commanded the attention of the philosophers 
 and literati of all nations. It cannot, therefore, be ex- 
 
XX 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 pected that I have either exhausted the subject, or that 
 my labours have produced any thing which can lay claim 
 to the merit of novelty. My book contains but an ab- 
 stract of what might be said, it is merely a sort of a horn- 
 book of Federal politics, but I hope, so far as it goes, 
 it is correct and will be useful. It has been the result of 
 much investigation. 1 have taken great pains to ascertain 
 facts, and 1 believe my allusions and assertions are always 
 supported by them. I have not drawn my bow at ran- 
 dom, but if I know my own heart, I have had a single eye 
 to the public good, even in those attacks which are most 
 personal. If I have offended one really good man it will 
 be to me a subject of lasting regret, and 1 will make any 
 reparation in my power. (.But bad men are fairgame\ and 
 " I will not be intimidated by the war whoop of Jacobins 
 and Democratic writers, or tiie feeble shrieks of witlings 
 and poetasters,"! from attacking those who are foes to ra- 
 tional freedom and to my country. 
 
 I v/ould have printed the additions which I have made 
 to tills impression separately, had It been consistent with 
 the general plan of this work. But a poetical appendix 
 would be truly an auk ward appendage to a poem. 
 — When I published the last edition, 1 did not contem- 
 plate making, ijmnediatehjy any additions to the work as 
 
 p Pursuits of Literature. 
 
INTRODUCTION. xxi 
 
 it llien stood. But finding in New-York sources of in- 
 formation of whicii I could not so conveniently avail my- 
 self in my former situation, and conceiving that I had,but 
 glanced at many subjects, which required more mature 
 consideration, I was induced to proceed without delay in 
 the prosecution of the plan, which I had at first in view, 
 provided the poem met with the patronage of the public. 
 
 In the second Canto, entitled Illuminism, I iiave at- 
 tempted merely a sketch of those principles, which have 
 given the democracy of our own times that dreadful and 
 STjstcmatic malignancy, which distinguishes it from the re- 
 volutionizing efforts of former ages. 1 have likewise op- 
 posed, with the liltle powers 1 possess the torrent of iiifi- 
 delily, wliich threatens to overwhelm the moral world. I 
 cariuot but flatter myself that this part of my labours will 
 meet with the approbation of those whose duly it is to 
 warn their fellow-men against the '* coid aiid flippant 
 scepticism which damps our hopes, removes tjie sanctions 
 of morality, chills domestic happiness, destroys the obli- 
 gations of social order, and builds up the p!)ilosophy of 
 vanity on the subversion of the altars of Cod."§ 
 
 " Literature, we!l or ill conducted,"(says that con- 
 summate writer, the author of the Piu-suits of Literature) 
 
 § tJenry Ynrke, Esq. quoted from the oration of Mr. 
 Lewis, pronounced before the Connecticut Society ofCin- 
 cinuuni, July 4, \ldd. 
 
xxii INTRODUCTION. 
 
 " is the great engine, by which I am fully persuaded all 
 civilized States must ultimately be suppoited or over- 
 thrown." The word Literature ought to be taken in its 
 most comprehensive sense, including whatsoever is pre- 
 sented to the world through the medium of the press. It 
 was by the agency of prostituted presses that our dema- 
 gogues have obtained their ruinous ascendency. It was 
 by the means of the press that the impious tenets of the 
 French philosophists p4pared the way for those desolat- 
 ing scenes of anarchy, which cannot be paralleled in his- 
 tory. It was the interposition of the press ; — the pat- 
 riotic exertions of such writers as Edmund Burke, and 
 the author of the "Pursuits of Literature," aided by the 
 timely efforts of a few individuals, which prevented simi- 
 lar scenes in Great Britain. It is only by a servile press 
 (hat tyrants and demagogues can, in the present state 
 of society, support themselves in power. I repeat it, 
 no people can be enslaved unless they are deceived. 
 — How great then ought to be the force of public in- 
 dignation against those men, wko prostitute literan tal- 
 ents to the purposes of a party. An Editor of a party pa- 
 per, who, knowingly, gives currency to falsehoods, ought 
 to be shunned as a monster of crime; for, if we are to 
 estimate the enormity of a criminal from the consequences ' 
 •which his crimes produce in society, one such editor with 
 the kind of abilities which even Democrats ascribe to 
 their friend Duane, is more to be dreaded than a zv'hole 
 colony of convicts. The people ought immediately to 
 put it out of the power of such wretches to injure society,^ 
 
INTRODUCTION. xxiii 
 
 by withdrawing from them their confidence, and refusing 
 io pay for their vehicles of falseiiood. If the voice of 
 public opinion should not pronounce a sentence of out- 
 laivry against such enormous culprits, we shall soon find 
 ourselves "fooled out of our security, fooled out of our 
 happiness; and when we have lost every blessing Z?<?j/ond 
 recoveryy we shall look round at each other in a stupid 
 despair, clashing our chains and unable to shake them off, 
 and ask, "How has all this been brought about ?"* 
 
 The pillars which secure the fabric of society in Ame- 
 rica are placed on a less solid foundation than in older 
 countries. In England, in a particular manner, there are 
 certain estahlished principles, which are considered astlie 
 basis of their government ; not written article by article 
 like a Bill of Rights, but their evidences rest in writing, 
 sanctioned by the practice of ages, understood and re- 
 spected, and no Randolph or Nicholson dare infringe on 
 them. In America public opinion must, in a great mea- 
 sure, supply the place of long established precedents, and 
 form the chain which binds together society. It is, there- 
 fore, all-important, that the public mind should be cor- 
 rectly informed, and any attempt to misinform, and by 
 that means mislead the public, should be considered as a 
 blow aimed at the vitals of society, and the propagators 
 of such falsehoods ought to be esteemed as foes to their 
 country, to freedom and to mankind. 
 
 Pursuits of Literature. 
 
xxiv INTRODUCTION. 
 
 I consider myself as having brought a set of culprits to 
 trial before the tribunal of public opinion. Their guilt is 
 clear beyond all dispute, for I come armed with proofs 
 and documents, which must mak^ it manifest to every 
 capacity. If there is not virtue and independence enough 
 in the court to condemn them, the country is ripe for 
 that despotisnj, which will not fail to await us, preluded 
 by anarchy, and accompanied by all the horrors, which 
 attend a revolutionary slate of society. 
 
^9 ^ 
 
 % 
 
 CANTO I 
 
 Mb ARGUMENT. 
 
 The wight, who led the Royal College 
 To furious fight, whicn'kll acknowledge 
 Exceeded, nineteen times to one, 
 *^ All battles else beneath the sun. 
 
 Commences war with certain brats. 
 Who style themselves good Democrats, 
 Although in ten there's more than niiiCj ^ 
 
 Just nine times worsg than Cataline ! 
 And first begins, sans any coaxing, 'w* 
 To sound his rmn-I)oding tocsin ; 
 W An awful prel^e to the battle. 
 
 He means to wage with such vile cattle. 
 
 ^ Devoid of influence or fear, ^^ 
 
 flrace Democracy's career, 
 Mid paint the vices of \he times, 
 Whiffe bad men |rem]:)le at my rhymes ; 
 
2 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 And I'll unmask the Democrat, 
 
 Your sometimes this thingj^om^fmes that,^ 
 
 Whose life is one dishonest shuffle, 
 
 Lest he j^rchance the mol)' should ruffle ; 
 
 ^ Your sometimes this thing, sometimes that. 
 
 I here have reference to the different appearances* 
 ■\vhich our Aptifederalists, alias Democrats, alias Re- 
 publicans, alias " genuine" ditto (for the man who 
 manages the Aurora makes two divisions of these 
 self denominated friends to the people) have as- 
 sumed in the evanescent stages of their political ex- 
 istence. But more of this hereafter. 
 
 5 Lest he perchance the mo* should ruffle. 
 
 1 would make a distinction, which I think of the 
 highest importance, between the ^leople^ and the 
 moby or fiopulace* By the latter, I would designate 
 certain of the lowest class in the community, who 
 are alike destitute of property and of principle, and 
 may be emphatically stiled the rabble. These, in 
 America, consist principally of imported despera- 
 does, who have made this country an " asylum," 
 and having nothing to lose, arc wishing 
 
 <• To turn the world up- 
 Side down to put themselves a top." 
 
 ^ 'TrumbulWs Mc Fim^al. 
 
 ^ 
 
THE TOCSIN. 3 
 
 And who by public good, intends 
 Whatever subserves his private ends, 
 And bawls for freedotti, in his high rant, 
 The better to cgnceal the tyrant^ 
 
 ^. These are the kind of beitVgs to whom the Mantuan 
 jpard alluded in the following naost exquisite simile s 
 
 Ac veltiti magno in populo cunt scepe coorta est, 
 Seditio, Sccvitque anhnis ignobile vulgtis\' • '* 
 
 ya^nque faces et saxa volant ; fwor anna ministrat. ^^ 
 
 As when in tumults rise th' ignoble cVowd, 
 Mad are their motions, and their tongues are loud : 
 And stones and brands in rattling volleys fly, 
 And all the rustic amis which fury can supply; 
 
 Dryden. 
 
 By the people, I mean the great body of Ameri- 
 can farmei's, merchants, mechanics,, Sec. who, pos- 
 sessing habits of industry ,"" and our primitive New- 
 England manners, may be considered as the stamina 
 of republicanism. 
 
 ^The better to conceal the tyrant. 
 
 In characterising the now prevailing party, 1 
 would not affirm that they are at heart all tyrants, 
 bdt that their leaders are, generally speaking, haugh- 
 ty and imperious demagogues. Like the genuine^ 
 rcpublican-slave-driving-nabobs of Virginia, who 
 
4 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 Determin'd I'll do what I can do, 
 And pray what more can mortal man do ? 
 » For w&l and welfare of our nation, *" 
 *a Aifid this backsliding generation. 
 
 * m 
 
 I'll blow my shrewdTsatiric horn, 
 The taunting finger point of scorn 
 ^t vice and folly iH^f^fils and knaves / 
 It nuist be (i^7ie or zve be, slaves. 
 ^ , ' - . . '' - [terqr, 
 
 ; InTomPaine's '^Rightsof Man" nosmafc 
 ' '!^^e j^eople's /r/^7i n?,-but nS't their batterer ; 
 111 not eIcction«i^' laor job, 
 Adore sage Mammotliy n^ king mob, 
 
 would fain conceal their designs of domination )^ 
 n«ath the mask of liberty, and & /ti^ended zeal for 
 the rights of Ihe people. ^ 
 
 ^•At vicff) 9<T\^ folly ^foolsy and knaves, 
 
 ** Satire never can have effect without a personal 
 application. It must corae home to the bosoms, 
 and often to the offences of particular men.'* 
 
 Pursuits of Literature, 
 
 ^ In Tom Paine's " Rights of Man," no smatterer. 
 Nothing ever yetp^rif^en, can be more directly 
 
THE TOCSIN. 5 
 
 For Chronicle abuse I care not ;^ 
 
 But I will cry aloud and spare not, 
 
 The tyrant Democrat unveil, 
 
 Though damn'd for such a damning tale.' 
 
 calculated for sapping the foundations of society, 
 than the productibns of this demoralizing scribbler. 
 He has indeed mixed some truth with his falsehood, 
 and now and then correct reasoning with his school-boy 
 sophistry. But hi^ writings, in general, are much 
 better calculated for dissolving, than for cementing 
 the social compact. 
 
 * For Chronicle abuse I care not. 
 
 The author has been honoured somewhat liberally 
 with the abuse of the Chronicle scribblers. They 
 have, among other lies^ affirmed that he was '♦ im- 
 ported," under *' British influence,'* Sec. 
 
 ^ Though damn'd for such a damning tale. 
 
 I would not use the epithet damn'd, in a profane 
 sense, but in the sense it is ustecVwhen we speak of 
 temporal evils only, or in the sense of Mr. Gifford, 
 who speaking of the productions of illiterate scrib- 
 blers, says, they are '^' 
 
 V Works damn*d, or to be damu'd.'* 
 
6 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 Those who assume, at Faction's call, * 
 
 A T^ght V infringe on rights of all,* 
 Who swear all honesty a hum, 
 Who rise because the'y are the scum.^® 
 
 May hide their heads, for I' determine, 
 Th set 7711/ foot upon the vermin^ 
 
 ® A right t' infringe on rights of all. ^ . 
 
 See a Charge delivejsed lo the Grarid Jury in Penn- 
 sylvania, by the Honourable Alexander A'ddison, in 
 which the distinction between liberty and licentious- 
 ness, the dangers to be apprehended from the tyranny 
 of the MANy,ever m(»edreadful thaii'thatof theFEw, 
 are pointed out in a perspicuous and masterly man- 
 ner, 
 
 .'> 
 
 ^ Who swear all honesty a hunu ^ -£, *^ ^^, ^ 
 
 Declarations to this effect, I have repeatedly Kearijl;^^ 
 Sliade by those who stiled themselves good Dejnor 
 
 jr. ' ' -'■ ;f "' 
 
 «rra^i|5''^friends to the people, res^l patriots, 8cc. Sect 
 That there is no ^uch "thing SisJioneaty in politics; that 
 in the scramble for power, b^ mco^ were justifiable 
 to obtain the good end in view, to Aiv^it, , the aggran- 
 dizement of tlie ptrty jjiaking use of such means ; 
 that they have ever acted in conformity to these 
 tenets, an impartial history of the pafty will amply* 
 Sestify- 
 
THE TOCSIN; 
 
 Except some creeping knaves exempt, 
 Who have not risen to contempt I" 
 
 A mortal foe to fools and rogues, 
 Your Democrats and demagogues, 
 Who've sworn they will not leave usabrick. 
 Of freedom's blood xemented fabric. 
 
 '<* Who rise because they are the scum. 
 
 " When the political pot boils, the scum rises." 
 
 -^1 Who have not risen to contempt! 
 
 Such little things, forihstattte, as ^nthony Has-^ 
 well, editor of a newspaper at Bennington, Vermont, 
 parson Griswold, the Walpole Observatory-man, 
 upon whom I could wish never to be under the dis- 
 agreeable necessity of wasting a line. I may, how- 
 ever, be compelled to bestow some share of my at- 
 tention on these and other animalculse of the fry of 
 sedition. An asp is an animal apparently quite in?, 
 significant, but its bite may be as fatal af the paw of 
 a lion. Perhaps Federalists have carried their con- 
 tempt of these grub worms of faction too far. 
 There are many, among both our great and little 
 vulgar-, who cannot comprehend a sentence of correct 
 English, if it chance to contain an idea ; but are 
 tjuite " up to any thing," which may be drivelled 
 from .the noddle df Tony Haswell, or Do* Pasquin* 
 
^v# 
 
 9 ";;;#r?^* the tocsin. 
 
 ^!^11 search in Democratic annals, 
 Elicit truth from dirty channels, 
 Describe lozv knaves in high condition, 
 Though speaking truth « is deem'd sedi- 
 
 [tion. 
 
 The attempting to hew blocks with razors, is a 
 Yery foolish affair. The more ^nowz72^ Democrats, 
 who lead by the nose the simpletons of the party, 
 are sensible of it. They therefore work upon their 
 thick-headed supporters, with such sorry tools as 
 the pair of Tonies aforesaid, parson Griswold, &c« 
 
 n Though s/ieaking truth is deem'd sedition. 
 
 It is indeed wonderful, (if any thingjn the annals 
 of Democracy can be so) that Democrats should, ' 
 without a blush, affirm that the Sedition Law was 
 " Law against Constitution.'* Yet they have not 
 only frequently asserted this among other lies, 
 but have represented it as a most horrible engine 
 f^ tyranny, fabricated by the Federalists, for no 
 other purpose but to oppress the people I And this 
 wasoncj among many other still more atrocious false- 
 hoods, which has formed the basis of their political 
 consequence. The fact is, that this law not only 
 mitigated the rigour of Common Law on that sub- 
 ject, but guarantied to the American Citizen an im- 
 portant riprht, which, under the drmination of the 
 now ruling party, he is not permitted to exercise* 
 
 U 
 
«Jl« 
 
 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 I would not, willingly, omit 
 One scoy.ndrel, high enough to hit, 
 But should I chance to make omission, 
 I'll put h^n in my hqts^ edition. 
 
 'a ^■ 
 
 But still with caution will i:efrain ^ 
 
 F|;om giving honest people pain *; 
 And only private vice unmask, 
 y^htXQ,xpublic good require&jthe task. 
 
 I would not wantonly annoy.... 
 ij^o good man's happiness destroy ; 
 None lives, I say, with honest pride, who 
 Despises slander more thaft I do. *'' 
 
 But when vile cojmicts make pretence 
 To power and public confidence, 
 The indignant Muse of satire urges 
 ^he honest bard to ply her sfeo urges. 
 
 ♦*» 
 
 ? 
 
 '^*^ 
 
 A prosecution has been instituted against Harry 
 Croswelli for a libel, but' our Democratic liberty 
 and equality gentlemen in office, would not permit 
 the defendant to prove the truth of the matter al- 
 ledged to be libellous I ! 
 
 
 
 ^•' 
 
 
 
 ^"^m 
 
 > 
 
 
 
 1 e^ 
 
 W%* 
 
 
10 tHE Tocsm. 
 
 And therefore be it known to all, 
 That though the risk I run's not small,*^ 
 I'll lash each knave that's now in vogue, 
 Merely because he is a rogue j-^* ^ 
 
 And hope at least to pull the pride down, 
 Of those, who our best men have lied 
 
 That though the risk I run's not small. 
 
 The person who in these times dares to rend the 
 veil of Democracy, and disclose the demon in his 
 naked deformity, must expect that the worshippers 
 of that infern al idol, will vow vengeance on his de- 
 voted head. The sword of the duellist, it is to be 
 feared, may Arely precede the dagger of the assas- 
 sin. But it is the duty of every real Republican, to be 
 ready, like the Roman Curtius, to plunge into the 
 gulf, and sacrifice himself to save his country. 
 
 '^ Merely because he is a rogue, 
 
 I am no farther a foe to any of the characters who 
 are the subjects of the following Satirical Strictures 
 than as they are foes to good order, morality, and to 
 my native country. Personal animosity is not among 
 the motives which produced this Poem. 
 
 •^' 
 
 *• Of those "who our J)est men have lied down. 
 
■ THE TOCSIN. U 
 
 /Vnd have contriv'd, the rogues, to rise 
 By arts, which honest men despise. 
 
 tJnite your force then, Chronicleers, 
 With those who have, or have not. .•..ears..., 
 Fhe uEgis-man, and both the Tonies, ^ 
 May join with half a dozen Honees. 
 
 Reader, I will here present thee with one among 
 nany specimens, of the adroitness of our self-styl- 
 ed friends to the people, in the art and mystery of 
 political* lying. 
 
 At the time that our Envoys to France, Messrs. 
 ^/Iarshall, Pinckney and Gerry, were insulted by 
 hose infamous propositions, from the French Di- 
 'ectory, made through the medium of X. Y. and Z. 
 .vhich justly excited the indignation, not only of 
 America, but of all Europe, it was promulgated by 
 ^ood Democrats among their ignorant supporters, 
 ihat the dispatches from our Plenipotentiaries, were 
 forged by Federalists at Philadelphia, for the pur- 
 pose of throwing an odium on our great and mag- 
 [lanimous sister republic ! I This impudent false- 
 hood answered good democratic purposes. A full 
 bloode'd Jacobin was sent to Congress, in retaliation 
 Df the aforesaid Federal forgery ! I 
 
 This however is only one in a million. A long 
 life devoted to the express purpose of detecting 
 the falsehoods of the deceitful demagogues, who 
 
 ^ 
 
•^^ 
 
 12 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 Come, Cheetham, Duane, Smith and Pas- 
 
 «* '» - * [^,^ % -^ ♦[quin, 
 
 In presidential favour basking ; 
 With all your scoundrel gang affords, 
 Who straddle poles, or wear wood swords ; 
 
 m^ 
 
 Imported patriots, ^iphose fit station 0- 
 
 # Should be that kind oj elevation, 
 * Which happens oft to rogues, less callous, 
 
 ^hen they're exalted on the gallows ; 
 
 ^ hope your knaveships won't refuse, 
 ^ To honor me with your abuse m 
 
 But let not these, my modest lays, ^ ^ 
 l^ Be blasted by a scoundrel's praise ;.... 
 
 m ""' For since my country's good demands 
 Thig piece of justice froisjkmjir l^nds, 
 I'll string you up, sans ceremoni^, 
 From Duari^lovv;^ to dir^ Tonij. ^ 
 
 «i ^^ # 
 
 Mr fVff^^^^ crowded themselves into consequence, woulc 
 *^ be too short a period for that purpose ; but 
 
 " Hulf the tale must be uwtold. '* 
 
 17 From Duane down to dirf^r Tctuj, 
 These pure patriots sHrU receive, with those men- 
 
THE TOCSIN. 13 
 
 No threats, nor growling, shall prohibit 
 My hanging you on satire^a gibbet ; 
 Expos'd in dolorous condition, 
 Like flies impall'd by old Domitian.^^ 
 
 Now, since ye are a ruffian crew 
 As honest Jack Ketch ever knew ; 
 Have chang'd your names, as well as courses, 
 Like folks who trade.... in stealing horses ; 
 
 I'll take each Demo, and expose his 
 Form in his each metempsychosis, 
 Though he assumes as many shapes 
 As Jove for managing his rapes. 
 
 As Tories many of you vex'd us ;" 
 As Antifederals then perplex 'd us ; 
 
 tioned in the preceding lines, the homage of our at- 
 tention in the 5th Canto of this our Poem ! 
 
 18 Like flies impale'd by old Domitian. 
 
 We are informed by historians, that this Emperor 
 amused his leisure hours, by impaling flies on the 
 point of a needle. 
 
 ^* As tories many of you vex'd us. 
 c 
 

 14 THE TOCSIN. 
 
 And, ever bent upon confusion, 
 Oppos'd the Federal Constitution ; 
 
 And then, camelion like, vi-le brats I 
 You call'd yourselves good Democrats ; 
 And next to drive deception's game, 
 Self-styl'd Republicans.... i^or shame! 
 
 And when by dint of different phases, 
 You crowd into your betters' places : 
 Republicans, by process curious, 
 Are split to '' genuine" and *^ spurious.'* 
 
 But after all these shifts.... you rogues ! 
 You're nothing more than demagogues, 
 And bawl for freedom, in your high rant, 
 The better to conceal the tyrant \^^ 
 
 Nothing can exceed in impudence the Democratic 
 false hood, sooften repeated, that the Federalists were 
 Tories under British influence Sec. ; when the truth 
 is, that the Federalists were, most generally, active 
 supporters of American Independence, while Jef- 
 ferson was hiding himself in the cave of the moun- 
 tain, and Tench Coxe was piloting the British 
 jirmy into Philadelphia. 
 
 20 The better to conceal the lyrapt \ 
 
THE TOCSIN. \5 
 
 But my design and hope, and trust is, 
 To bring your leading knaves to justice ; 
 Expos'd on satire's gibbet high. 
 To frighten others of the fry. 
 
 Thus, when our prudent flirmers find 
 Your Democrats of feather'd kind, 
 Crows, blackbirds, and rapacious jays, 
 Disposed to plunder fields of maize ; 
 
 If haply they destroy a* few * 
 
 Of such a lawless, plundering crew, 
 They hang them in conspicuous place, 
 To terrify the pilfering race. 
 
 This couplet has before occurred, but our pre- 
 decessors, Homer and Virgil, were much a.ddicted 
 to iterations of this kind. The reader may please 
 to consider it as the 
 
 Incite Mixnalios mecum mca tibia versus of this 
 Poem. 
 
CANTO 11. 
 
 fllummfein.' 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 We now the erigiii will trace 
 
 Of that dire pest to human race, 
 
 Th^it freedom, with which Fraace was cur»t,22 
 
 Ere R(vnapart, the bubble burst : 
 
 The fiend exorcise from our land, 
 
 Who erst, with desolating hand, 
 
 Bade Democrats, a horrid train, 
 
 Half Europe " heap with hiih of slain,'* 
 
 There was a gaunt Gen€\an pricst^^^ 
 Mad as our New Lights are at least,** 
 Much learning had, hut no pretence 
 To wisdom, or to common sense. 
 
 21 ILLU3IIA''ISM. 
 
 No doubt every hound in the Democratic pack, 
 V. ill open upon me, for introducing in this place what 
 C 2 
 
ih ILLUMINISM. 
 
 This crazy wight, by some mischance, 
 Had rights to prosecute in France ; 
 
 they would call the phantom of Illurnijii&jn. Bui> 
 scrijitte litera mancnt. There are certain damning 
 facts, which, with^all their shuffling ingenuity, and 
 sneaking evasions, will ever stare them in the face. 
 They never have been able to prove, that either the 
 Abbe Barruel, oi^Professor Robison, (who with a 
 great number of other credible witnesses have testi- 
 fied to the existence of Illuminism and its damning 
 tendency) were weak or wicked men, were deceived 
 themselves, or entertained a wish to deceive others. 
 Besides, the documents which have been adduced, 
 and the multitude of corroborating circumstances, 
 which go to prove that this mystery of iniquity has 
 a real existence, cannot fail to enforce conviction on 
 the minds of the most -credulous. How far the 
 developement of the plans of the Illuminati by 
 Professor Robison and others may have induced them 
 to defer the execution of their nefarious projects, it 
 is impossible to determine. They may, perhaps, 
 be resting on their oars, ar»d watching, till the po- 
 pular current, shall set m their favour. It certainly 
 behoves those who wish well to society, who prefer 
 the social to the mvug€ state^ and who would not 
 wish that America should realize all the horrors of 
 the most bloody revolutions recorded in history, to 
 keep a watchful eye over the molioRs of this most 
 infernal of all' juntos. 
 
ILLUMINISiM. 19 
 
 By legal subterfuge was cheated, 
 By pettifogging knaves, mal-treated ; 
 
 I know there are many of our politicians, w ho 
 seem determined not to believe that lUuminism to 
 any dangerous extent has ever existed in America, 
 and that its influence in Europe has been much 
 less than has by many been apprehended. I wish 
 for the honor of human nature that there was less 
 proof of the existence of such a combination. As 
 the fact of the existence, or at least of the per- 
 nicious tendency of Illuminism, is by our demo- 
 crats generally denied, I shall confine myself in 
 this note to the establishment of the credibility of one 
 of the principal witnesses in convicting this nefarious 
 gang of their diabolical conspiracy. 
 
 " As Dr. Robison is a principal evidence in the 
 cause now pending, it will be necessary to enquire, 
 whether we have a just view of the man. The result 
 of this inquiry, will serve to give the public some idea 
 of the means which have been made use of to dis- 
 credit Illuminism, and how benevolently disposed 
 some among us are, to prevent their countrymen 
 from being misled by what are called, the ridicul- 
 ous reveries of Robison. The reader's patience, 
 it is feared, will be exhausted by the detail of cre- 
 dentials which the tffrontery of his accusers have 
 rendered necessary ; but the character of a witness 
 is of the first importance. The following sketch 
 of the principal evtnts of the life of Dr. RobisQUjj 
 
20 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Found foppish Frenchmen as they were 
 Delineated by Voltaire ;^* 
 
 was drawn up from authentic documents, received 
 directly from Edinburgh, through a respectable 
 channel."* 
 
 *' The father of the Professor, a respectable 
 country gentleman, intended him for the church, 
 and gave him eight years of an University educa- 
 tion at Glasgow. Prefering a different profession, 
 he accepted an offer of going into the Navy, with 
 very flatering prospects. He was appointed 
 Mathematical Instructor to his Royal Highness 
 the Duke of York. In that office, he accordingly 
 entered the Navy in February, 1759, being that 
 day twenty years old. He was present at the siege 
 of Quebeck. With the late Admiral Knowles, he 
 was particularly connected, and his son, afterwards 
 captain Knowles, one of the most promising young- 
 officers in the British Navy, was committed to his 
 charge. 
 
 "In 1761, he was sent by the board of Admi- 
 ralty, to make trial of Harrison's Watch at Jamaica. 
 At the peace of 1763, he returned to College. In 
 1764, he was again appointed by the Admiralty to 
 
 * Concerning the facts contained in this historical 
 sketch, which were communicated to Dr. Erskine, he 
 writes thus ; " The most important facts in it I have had 
 access to know, being first settled at Kirkintillock, the 
 neighbouring parish to Boderoch, where lay the estate of 
 his worthy father. For the few facts of which I knov/ 
 Jess, full and unexceptionable vouchers can be produced." 
 
ILLUMINISM. 21 
 
 Polish'd their manners, yet insidious, 
 Professing friendship, still perfidious. 
 
 make trial of Harrison's improved Watch at Bar- 
 badoes ; but his patron, Lord Anson, being dead, 
 and the conditions not such as pleased him, he de- 
 clined the employment, returned again to College, 
 and took under his care the only remaining son of 
 his friend, Sir Charles Knowles. This son is the 
 present Admiral Sir Charles Knowles. 
 
 In 1770, Sir Charles was invited by the Empress 
 of Russia to take charge of her Navy. He took 
 Mr. Robison with him as his Secretary. In 1772, 
 Mr. Robison was appointed superintendant of the 
 education in the Marine Caslet Corps, where he 
 had under his direction about 500 youth, 350 of 
 whom were sons of noblemen and gentlemen, and 
 26 masters in the different studies. The Academy 
 being burnt, Mr. Robison, with his pupils, re- 
 moved to an ancient palace of Peter the Great at 
 Constradt, a most miserable, desolate island, where, 
 findin g no agreeable society, he availed himself of 
 the first opportunity, of quitting so unpleasant a 
 fiituation, and accepted an invitation from the Ma- 
 gistrates of Edinburgh, to the Professorship of 
 Natural Philosophy in the University in that city, 
 which ranks among the first Universities in the 
 world. To this very honorable office he acceded 
 in August, 1774, and from that time continued his 
 lectures, without interruption, till !7y2, when ill- 
 Bess obliged him to ask for an assistant. To enabla 
 
22 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 But since they were, by reputation, 
 A most polite and gallant nation, 
 
 him to ^ive such a salary to his assistant, as would 
 make the place worth the acceptance of a man of 
 talents, the King was pleased to give him a pension 
 of lOOl. a year. After five years confinement, by a 
 painful disorder, he resumed his chair, in 1797. 
 
 " In 1796, he was elected a member of the Philo- 
 sophical Society at Philadelphia, of which Mr. Jef- 
 ferson is President ; and in 1797, a member of the 
 Royal Society of Manchester. In .1799, after the 
 publication of his book, the University of Glasgow, 
 where -he received his education, conferred on him, 
 unsolicitedj the honor of a Doctor's degree in 
 Law, m which, contrary to the usual custom in 
 these cases, is given a very particular and flattering 
 account of his nine years studies in that University. 
 This peculiar evidence of esteem and respect was 
 given in this way, in order that his Diploma might 
 have all the civil consequences which long standing 
 could give. When he published his book, in 1797, 
 he was Secretary of the Royal Society of Edinburgh. 
 In April, 1800, without solicitation of a single friend, 
 he was unanimously elected a Foreign Member 
 (there are but six) of the Imperial Academy of 
 Sciences, at St. Petersburg, which, in point of re- 
 putation, is esteemed the third on the continent of 
 Europe in the room of the much lamented and 
 highly celebrated Dr. Black. To prepare for the 
 press and superintend the publication of the Che- 
 
ILLUMINISM. 23 
 
 -«. 
 And since the fickle, fluttering elves, 
 Were almost wcrshipp'd....by themselves; 
 
 mical writings of this great man, required tlie ablest 
 Chemist in Great Britain. This distinguished hon- 
 our has been conferred on Professor Robison, who 
 has undertaken this important work. This appoint- 
 ment, for which no man perhaps is more competent, 
 together with the numerous, learned, and copious 
 articles which he has furnished for the Encyclopedia 
 Britanica, fully evince that in reputation and solid 
 learning, he ranks among the first literary charac- 
 ters in Europe. Add to all this, he susiaiiis a moral 
 character^ so fair and unblemished^ that any man may 
 safely be challenged to lay any thing to his charge of 
 "Which an honest man need be ashamed,** 
 
 " The following account of Professer Robison, is 
 from a work entitled " Literary Memoirs of Living 
 Authors of Greet Britain," 8cc. in two volumes, 8vo, 
 published in London, 1798, for R. Faulder : 
 
 " John Robison, Esq. M. A. Secretary of the 
 Royal Society at Edinburgh, and Professor of Natu- 
 ral Philosophy, in the University. Professor Robi- 
 son is distinguished for his accurate and extensive 
 knowledge, especially on subjects of science. He 
 contributed to the Encyclopedia Britanica the valua- 
 ble articles. Physics Pneumatics, Precession of the 
 Equinoxes, Projectiles, Pumps, Resistance of Flu- 
 ids, River, Roof, Rope-making, Rotation, Seaman- 
 ship, Signals, Sound, Specific Gravity, Statics, 
 3team, S-team-Engine, Strength of Materials, Tel- 
 
U ILLUMINISM. 
 
 'Tvvas thence concluded, by Rosseau, 
 That all refinement did but go 
 
 escope, Tide, Articulating-Trumpet, Variation of 
 Compass, and Water-works, also Philosophy, in as- 
 sociation with Dr. Gleig. 
 
 " In the autumn of the year 1797, Professor Rob^ 
 son published an octavo volume, entitled ** Proofs*^ 
 of a Conspiracy," &c. This volume has been 
 favourably received, and althoug*h too hasty a per- 
 formance for a work of so much consequence, is 
 well entitled, both from its subject and its authenti- 
 city, to the serious attention of every reader. It ar- 
 rives at the same remarkable conclusion as the cele- 
 brated Memoirs of the Abbe Barruel, illustrating 
 the history of Jacobinis r., though the authors were 
 perfectly unconnected with each other, and pursued 
 their enquiries in very different ways. It has raised 
 (we are sorry for such an appearance) a considerable 
 clamour and enmity against the Professor ; though 
 It was written, we are fully convinced from the best 
 of motives. We cannot conclude this article with- 
 out observing that the principles, and honest zeal 
 which Professor Robison has displayed upon this 
 occasion, are highly creditable to him, and merit the 
 warmest acknowledgments from society in general.'* 
 
ILLUMINISM. 25 
 
 To alter nature's simple plan. 
 
 And scoundrelize the creature man.,.. 
 
 ^ That freedom v)itk which France ivas curst, 
 
 I shall in the additional notes at the end of the 
 # volume endeavour to point out the connection be- 
 tween Illuminism and those causes which produced 
 the French revolution, and the present establish- 
 ment of tyranny in France. 
 
 ^ There was a gaunt Genevan priest, 
 
 Jean Jaques Rousseau, the father of modern De- 
 mocracy. For some further account of the levelling 
 tenets of this profligate wretch, see Abbe Barruel's 
 History of Jacobinism, vol. 2. chap. iii. and " Ros- 
 seau's confessions." 
 
 ^* Mad as our New Lights are at least. 
 
 By New Lights, I mean not merely the particu- 
 lar sect or denomination of fanatics, who are known 
 exclusively by that appellation ; but all your itiner- 
 ant, ignorant, bawling, field and barn preachers, 
 whatever may be their professed tenets, who go 
 about " creeping into men's houses, leading cap- 
 tive silly women," exerting themselves to destroy 
 regular and established societies, alienating the 
 minds of the people from their established pastors, 
 and indeed from all clergy iri.en ngidurhj included 
 D 
 
26 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 From whence lie madly theoriz'd, 
 That man were best uncivilized^ 
 
 to their sacred office. These wretches are gene- 
 rally demagogues, and the characters of most of 
 them stained with vices. 
 
 Fanatics have ever been, like Cromwell and his 
 faction, fomenters of that spirit of turbulence and 
 insurrection which leads to anarchy, and invariably 
 terminates in despotism. 
 
 Most of the <5aw//w,§\Itinerants who have fallen 
 within the sphere of our observation, are perfectly 
 French in their politics. They have been correctly- 
 described in the following lines : 
 
 Most true it is, though passing odd. 
 
 That this oui' godly band, 
 Have join'd. the men without a co». 
 
 And imps of Talleyrand. 
 
 But we have- another pill for them in our 5th 
 Canto. 
 
 ** Delineated by Voltaire. 
 
 Voltaire, in some of his writings, has affirmed in 
 substance, that his countrymen were a strange com- 
 pound of the subiilty of the Monkey and the fero- 
 city of the Tiger. That in his time, they were 
 amusing themselves and others by . their apish 
 airs, but that he foresaw the time in which they 
 would fiut off the Monkey and put on the Tiger, 
 
ILLUMINISM. 27 
 
 Like those philosophers, who prate> 
 Of Innocence in savage state. ^^' 
 
 to the infinite annoyance of mankind. Here it 
 seems that " Saul was among the prophets 1" 
 
 2<* Of Innocence in savage state. 
 
 I cannot resist the temptation of transcrib- 
 ing, from " Guthrie's Tour through the Taurida, 
 or Crimea, the ancient kingdom of Bosphorus," 
 &c. the following remarks, relative to this savage 
 sort of innocence, with which the founder^ of De- 
 mocracy in Europe, and our American Jacobins, 
 seem so highly enamoured. 
 
 -*' We saw nothing in passing lliis extensive stept 
 or plain, but an immense extent of pasturage, well 
 adapted for the wide range of these Nomades, 
 (savage inhabitants) with their flying camps and 
 numerous herds. But it is by no jmeans with a 
 mind at case, that one passes through the country 
 of a people, who have kept the surrounding na- 
 tions, for ages, in continual alarms by their pre- 
 datory excursions. 
 
 *' It is imposible, in a tour through tlie wilds of 
 Scythia, not to smile at the ideas which speculating 
 philosophers, from their cabinets, have spread 
 abroad on the innocence and happiness of the pas- 
 toral state ; probably by confounding men \vho fol- 
 low the^ccupation of shepherds in civil society, 
 
^8 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 E'en took it in his crazy noddle, 
 A savage was perfection'' s model ; 
 
 with the shepherds of Holy Writ, and the pastoral 
 Tartars or Arabs, who have, at different periods, 
 drenched the world in blood, and put whole nations 
 to the sword. This ridiculous ignorance is of a 
 piece with the eulogintps of the same speculatists 
 on man in a state of nature, whorn we are sorry to 
 acknowledge, after the new light thrown on the sub- 
 ject by our late circumnavigators, joined with other 
 circumstances, to be the most savage and dai ger- 
 ous aniinal in nature, often feeding on his vanquish- 
 ed enemies. We find however^ ihat he is always 
 mild, humane, and rational, in pr(^iorti<in to his ad- 
 vancement to civHizatio7i ; although even that seems 
 to have its limits, after which he again becomes a sav- 
 ags: Of this \vk have a'RKc?:NT instance i^ 
 
 THE MOST HIGHLY POLISHED NATION*!^ EUROPE, 
 DESTROyiNG ALL HUMAN AND DIVINE INSTITU- 
 TIONS." 
 
 The state of society which is here described, is 
 preriaely that which Democracy let loose, would intro- 
 duce into this country. But our most refined Demo- 
 crats appear to*ave a wish to save the intermediate 
 stages which The French have passed ; and, by 
 " Destroying all" human and divine institutions,'* 
 step into a state of nature at once. 
 
ILLUMINISM. 29 
 
 And nature without cultivation, 
 The 7ie plus ultra of creation. 
 
 Anticipated, happy dealings, 
 
 When mankind riil^d by social feelings ^^'^ 
 
 ^^ When mankind, ruVd b"y social feeiings. 
 
 See Rousseau's Emiiius, Godwin's Political Jus- 
 tice, and other writings of the canting philosophists 
 of the same school. It is one of the inconsistencies 
 of these black-hearted, and wrong-headed ^enthusi- 
 asts, to be ever prating about maintaining society 
 without law or subordination, by the social feelings^ 
 while they are busily employing themselves to ,ftn- 
 nihilate those feelings. But I cannot better ex- 
 press my ideas on thiS' subject, than in the foiiow- 
 ing words of Professor Robison : 
 
 " Indeed of all the consequences of Illumination, 
 the most melancholy, is the revolution which it 
 seems to operate in the^heart of man. The f )rcible 
 sacrifice of every affection of the l\eart to an ideal 
 divinity, a mere creature of the imagination. It 
 seems a pi'odigy, yet it is a matter of experic-nce, 
 that the farther \ye advance, or vaiifTy suppose that 
 we do advance in the knowledge Of our mental 
 powers, the more are our moral feelings flattened 
 and done away. I remember reading, long ago, 
 a Dissertation on the Nursing of Infants by a 
 French Academician, Lc Cointrc, of Versailles. 
 D 2 
 
30 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Would be perfected, sans a flaw^ 
 Without the Tyranny of Law. 
 
 From such sagacious theorizing, 
 Was form'd a plan of his devising, 
 By which society destroy 'd 
 Perfection might be unalloy'd. 
 
 Indeed this arch illuminator 
 Seem'd fitted by the hand of Nature 
 To change the tone of public mind. 
 And revolutionize mankind. 
 
 He indelicately supports his theories, by the case 
 of his own son, a weak, puny infant, whom his 
 mother was obliged to keep continually applied to 
 her bosom, so that she rarely c.puld get two hours 
 of sleep during the time of suckling him. M. Le 
 Cointre says, that she contracted for this infant, 
 ime pardaliti tout d-falt deraisonable. Plato, So- 
 crates, or Cicero, wquld probably have explained 
 this by the habitual exercise of pily, a very en- 
 dearing emptibn. But our Academician, better 
 illuminated, solves it by stimuli, on the papillae, 
 and on the nerves of the skin, and by the meet- 
 ing of the humifying aura, 8cc. and does not seem 
 to think that young Le Cointre was much in- 
 debted to his mother.*' 
 
ILLUMINISM. 31 
 
 Good reader we'll attempt to etch 
 A short characteristic sketch 
 Of this strange compound of a man. 
 Prime mover of the illumin'd clan. 
 
 But will not represent the elf, 
 Worse than he has pourtra} 'd himself. 
 What time he utter'd his concessions, 
 His Edmund Randolph-like *' Confes- 
 
 [sions."^' 
 
 *' His Edmund Randolph-like <' Confessions." 
 
 Rousseau wrote a book, with the title of " The 
 Confessions of J. J. Rousseau," and a very fire- 
 cious legacy is therein bequeathed to mankind. The 
 outlines of our short sketch of his character are 
 taken chiefly from these memoirs. A writer in the 
 Encyclopaedia Britannica has the following remarks 
 on that performance. 
 
 *' In the preface to these memoirs, which abound 
 with characters well drawn, and written with 
 warmth, with energy, and sometimes with ele- 
 gance, he presumes (says M. Palissot) like a 
 peevish misanthrope, who boldly introduces him- 
 self on the ruins of the world, to declare to man- 
 kind, whom he supposes assembled upon these 
 ruins, that in that innumerable multitude, none 
 couJd dare to say I am better than that man. This 
 
32 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 He was, by 's own account, at once 
 An artful, and a stupid dunce, 
 Fickle and sullen, airy, grave, 
 A fool, philosopher, and knave. ^* 
 
 affectation of seeing himself alone in the imivcpscj 
 and of continually directing every thing to himself, 
 may appear to some morose minds a fanaticism of 
 pride of which we have no examples, at least since 
 the time of Cardan. But this is not the only 
 blame which may be attached to the author of the 
 Confessions. With uneasiness we see him, under 
 the pretext of sincerity dishonour the character of 
 his benefactress, lady Warrens, 8cc. Again the same 
 writer remarks. " It is certain that if Rousseau 
 has given a faithful delineation of some persons, 
 he has viewed others through a cloud, which form- 
 ed in his mind perpetual suspicions. He imagined 
 he thought and spoke truly ; but the simplest thing 
 in nature-, says M. Servant, if distilled through his 
 violent and sus/iicious hand^ might beco7ne fioison.'* 
 
 A very proper person truly to write political es- 
 says, *' Social compacts," Sec. to which mankind 
 are to have recourse for standards in forming a 
 government, and political societies. 
 
 29 A Fool, Philosopher, and knave. 
 
 The odd mixture of heterogeneous qualities, which 
 distinguished this singular character is thus describ- 
 
ILLUMINISM. 33 
 
 A mixture odd of jarring qualities 
 Still tofis'd about by strange fatalities, 
 
 cd by himself. Speaking of an InteTview \iith a 
 patron, who designed to promote him if found wor- 
 thy of promotion, he thus describes his own beha- 
 viour and that of his friend. 
 
 '* He took an excellent method of making me 
 chatter, spoke freely with me, put me under as 
 little restraint as possible, talked to me of trifles 
 and on all sorts of subjects ; all without seeming 
 f to observe me, without the least affectation, and as 
 if pleased v/ith me, he would converse without re- 
 straint. I was delighted with him. The result of 
 his observations was, that, whatever my exterior 
 and ray animated physiognomy might promise, I 
 was if not absolutely a fool, at least a boy of very 
 little sense, without ideas, almost without acquire- 
 ments ; in a word, a very shallow fellow in all re- 
 spects, and that the honor of becoming the parson 
 of a village, was the greatest fortune I ought to 
 aspire to. This was the second or third time I 
 was thus judged, it was not the last." 
 
 He explains this stupidity in the following man- 
 ner : 
 
 " Two things almost inalHable, unite in me, 
 without my being able to perceive the manner. 
 A constitution extremely violent, impetuous and 
 lively passions, and ideas slowly produced, confus- 
 ed, and which never offer till after the proper 
 time. Yon would think my heart and mind do not 
 
54 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Was now all lead, was now a bubble, 
 But ever happiest, when in trouble.^ 
 
 belong to the same individual. Sentiment, quicker 
 than light fills my soul, but instead of enlightening, 
 fires and dazzles me. I feel every thing and see 
 nothing. I am transported but stupid ; I must be 
 cool to think. What astonishes is that I have my 
 feeling pretty sure, penetration, and even delicate 
 wit, provided they'll wait for me : I can make an 
 excellent impromptu, at leisure, but in an instant 
 I never wrote or said any thing clever. 
 
 *' Thence comes the extreme difficulty I find in 
 v/riting. My manuscripts scratched, blotted, mix- 
 ed, not legible, attest the trouble they cost me. 
 Not one, but I was obliged to transcribe four or 
 five times before it went to the press. I never 
 could do any thing, the pen in hand, opposite a 
 table and paper : 'twas in my walks, amidst rocks 
 and woods ; 'twas in the night, during my slum- 
 bers I wrote in my brain, you may judge how 
 slowly, particularly to a man deprived of verbal 
 memory, and who in his life never could retain six 
 verses by heart. Some of my periods have been 
 turned and winded five or six nights in my bead be- 
 fore they were in a state for going on paper. 
 
 " I am not only troubled to render my ideas, but 
 also in receiving them. I have studied mankind, 
 and think myself a tolerable good observator : ne- 
 vertheless I cannot see any thing in that 1 perceive. 
 I see clearly that only which I recollect, and I have 
 
 M 
 
ILLUMINISM. 35 
 
 Never the sajne two hours together 
 In passion'sAurricane a feather, 
 
 # 
 no knowledge but in my recollections. '^ &c. Thus 
 it appears this philosopher's wits were always a 
 wool gathering. He possessed undoubtedly what- 
 Dr. Darwin would style the temperament of genius, 
 which might qualify him for a smooth and pretty 
 writer of " Reveries," but that best boon of heaven 
 common sense is never the lot of such a genius. 
 
 I may perhaps seem unjustifiably harsh in ap- 
 plying the epithet knave to this great modern phi- 
 losopher. But if the reader will please to consult 
 his confessions he will find a sorry story, which he 
 tells of himself, which is sufficient to justify me in 
 bestowing on him appellations still more severe. 
 He will there find that our great philosopher stole a 
 ribband, and attributed the theft to a servant girl, 
 by which she was ruined. Ingratitude is likewise a 
 trait in his character etitirely consistent with his 
 sublime sentiments and perfect philosophism. 
 
 30 
 
 But ever happiest, when in trouble. 
 
 In this he was not quite alone in the world, there 
 appears to be an order of beings, whom nothing but 
 the stimulus of being in distress can give ener- 
 gy. Some of the English poets were of that des- 
 cription of character. Thomson proposed to write a 
 poem on the man ivho loved to be in diatresa^ and if 
 ive are to judge of the character by the conduct of 
 
 X 
 
56 . ILLUMINISM. 
 
 The lightest football now of folly, 
 Now sunk in morbid melancholy/* 
 
 many of his tuneful brethren, they courted, rather 
 than shunned misfortune, perhaps that they might 
 enjoy the luxury of being pitied. Pope, Addison, 
 Swift, and many others, however, were willing 
 enough to be exempted from the iron hand of the 
 relentless power yclep'd adversity, to whom Gray 
 has addressed one of the finest odes in the English 
 language. But to return to Rosseau, he gives this ac- 
 count of his circumstances, while a vagrant in France. 
 " Being reduced to pass my nights in the street, 
 may certainly be called suffering, and this was seve- 
 ral times the case at Lyons, having preferred buying 
 bread with the few pence I had remaining, to be- 
 stowing them on a lodging ; as I was convinced there 
 was less danger of dying for want of sleep than of 
 hunger. What is astonishing, while in this unhap- 
 py situation, I took no care for the future, wasncither 
 uneasy or melancholy, but patiently waited an an- 
 swer to Madamoiselle du Chatelet's letter, and lay- 
 ing in the open aii*, stretched on the earth, or on a 
 bench, slept as soundly as if reposing on a bed of 
 roses. I remember particularly to have past a most 
 delightful night at some distance from the city, in a 
 road which had the Rhone, or Saone, I can't recol- 
 lect which, on one side, and a range of raised gar- 
 dens, with terraces on the other. It had been a 
 very hot day, the evening was delightful, the dew 
 moistened the fading grass, no wind was stirring, 
 
ILLUMINISM. 37 
 
 His heacl a wilderness of schemes, 
 A magazine of madman's dreams/* 
 
 the air was fresh without chiJIness, the setting sun 
 had tinged the clouds with a beautiful crimson, 
 which was again reflected by the water, and the 
 trees that bordered the terrace were filled with 
 nightingales who were continually answering each 
 other's songs. I walked along in a kind of extacy, 
 giving up my heart and senses to the enjoyment of 
 so many delights, and sighing only fiom a regret 
 of enjoying them alone. Absorbed in this pleasing 
 reverie, I lengthened my walk tilj it grew very late, 
 without perceiving I was tired ; ai length, however, 
 1 discovered it, and threw myself on the step of a 
 kind of niche, or false door, in the terrace wall. 
 How charming was the couch i the trees formed a 
 stately canopy, a nightingale sat directly over me,, 
 and with his soft notes lulled me to rest : how pleas- 
 ing my repose, my awaking more so. It was broad 
 day ; on opening my eyes I saw the water, the ver- 
 dure, an admirable landscape before me, I arose> 
 shook off the remains of drowsiness, and finding 
 I was hungry, retook the way to the city, resolving, 
 with inexpressible gaiety, to spend the two pieces 
 of six blarxs I had yet remaining in a good break- 
 fast. 1 found myself so chearful that I went all the 
 way singing ; I even remember I sang a cantata of 
 Baptistin's called the Baths of Thojnerij^ which I 
 ^new by heart." 
 
38 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Was stuff'd with many a paradox^ 
 Like plagues in Dame Pandora's box^ 
 
 But still his eloquence was winning 
 As his, who tempted Eve to sinning, 
 And us'd too oft the self same way 
 To lead the human race astray. 
 
 And oft his Jack-o-lantern head 
 Its owner many a goose chase led, 
 
 ^^ Now sunk in morbid melancholy. 
 
 Thomson has given us no bad picture of Rous- 
 seau and some other pretended philosophers of the 
 visionary cast in his personification of Hypochon- 
 dria. 
 
 «^ And moping here did Hypochondria sit 
 
 ** Mother of spleen, in robes of various dye, 
 
 •• Who vexed was full oft with ugly fit, (a wt. 
 
 ♦* And feme her frantic deem'd, and some her deem* d 
 
 Madness is frequently mistaken for insfiiration^ 
 and want of common senses is often thought a proof 
 of I krow not what &ubli?ne sense. Thus the ravings 
 of Delia Crusca and the moon struck tribe of son- 
 neteers in the same school, have been thought to 
 be the perfection of poetry. Indeed Delia Crusca's 
 poetry and Rosseau's politics are different diagnos- 
 
ILLUMINISM. 3'9 
 
 Stretch'd on the tenters of anxiety 
 By blunder crime or impropriety. 
 
 So wild a scheme in politics 
 Seen never was on this side Styx, 
 As his rude harum scaruni plan 
 Of his new social savage man." 
 
 tics of the same disease, and the poor creatore^ who 
 are aftected with these symptoniii are absolutely 
 •mad ! 
 
 " A Magazine of madman's dreams, 
 
 Some of these lay scatter*d here and tl^.cre in his 
 " Confessions." It appears that this geat man, 
 first ran away from his father, then from his pat- 
 roness and mistress Madame de Warrens, and that 
 he was ever and anon .eloping from his benefactors^ 
 in pursuit of some chimerical project. 
 
 ^' Of his new social savage man, 
 
 Rousseau's Emilius and Social Contract are proofs 
 in point of our assertion. A regular critique upon 
 tlvese publisations would exceed our limits. A word 
 or two, however, upon the latter may not be useless, 
 especially as this is the fountain from whence Pain 
 and other Sciolists of the new school appear to have 
 derived their political principles. 
 
 " Man" (say Rousseau) " is born free and yet 
 
49 ILLUMINISM> 
 
 Like other Democratic sages 
 
 He spurn'd the wisdom of all ages 
 
 we see him every where in chains." Social Con- 
 tract. Book I. Chap. 1. Again in the same Chap- 
 ter he observes, 
 
 " If I were only to consider iforce, and the effects 
 of it I should say that, when a nation is constrain- 
 ed to obey and does obey it does well ; but when- 
 ever it can throw of the yoke, and does throw it off 
 it does better." 
 
 Now this profound philosopher does not attempt 
 to tell us what he means by the term yoke, but he 
 says that woM is every ivhere in chains^ and we are 
 led to conclude that those nations who mean to '' do 
 better" than *' well" will immediately set them- 
 selves about overlurnin.uj their governments. 
 
 Aft^r a great number of paradoxical observations, 
 the substance of which ht<d been before made by 
 Monle-'(]uicu, aiicl lutvt since bctn enlarged upon by 
 Tom Pi in and his disciples, we are presented with 
 paradox of paradoxes, as follows, 
 
 " Where shall we find a fo m of association which 
 *' will dtfend and protect with the whole aggregate 
 " force the person and the property of each individ- 
 " ual and by which eve-i'v person, while united with 
 *' ALL, shall obey only himshlf. and remain as free 
 " as before the union ? Book 1 Chap. 6 
 
 Hie labor, hoc opus e>st. 1 have my doubts whether 
 all thi? Avill ever be found Rosseaii however says, 
 
 " Every malefactor whO; by attacking the social 
 
ILLUMINISM. 41 
 
 And foniicl perfection had beginning 
 In systems of his own dtar spinnii\:^ 
 
 right becomes a rebel aod a traitor to his country 
 ceises by th u act to be a party in willing the laws' 
 and makes war, in fact, with himself." Book's. 
 ■Chap. .5. 
 
 Here we learn that the criminal who is condemn- 
 ed by the laws of his country, has signed his own 
 actof condemnation by -consenting to become a mera- 
 of the society from which he is cut ofP as an ex- 
 -crescence, and if he is executed for crimes com mit- 
 ed against the society of which he is a member, he 
 is guilty of a felo de se, in having consented to be- 
 come a member of such society. 
 
 We likewise in Book 2. Chap. 3. are.informed that 
 the general will cannot err, fvojc pofiuii, vox dei) 
 and that it tends invariably to the public advantage. 
 Yet we are toltJ almost in the same breath that the 
 people, a majority of whose suffrages compose this 
 infallible general will are often deceived. That is 
 that the expressions of the will of a fallihle body 
 are always infallible. 
 
 The French revolutionary jargon about liberty 
 and equality is borrowed from this production. 
 
 But we 6hall not fatigue our readers by a detail of 
 of all the absurdities, and contradictions, with 
 which this treatise is teeming. The author appears 
 to think that a nation is a kind of machine, and may 
 be governed by mechanical principles, but has no 
 cfcar idea of the wonderful mechanism which he 
 E 3 
 
42 ILLUMINISIVT. 
 
 That whatsoever 2s\ is wrong 
 Was still the btyrtiieii of his song, 
 
 attempts to expl;\in. Hence we are every where 
 lost in a jargon of words without meaning, and per- 
 plexed by distinctions Avithout difference. He was 
 certainly correct in complaining that his ideas were 
 confused. But it is really astonishing that the vain 
 fihiloso/ihy o^ this and similar writers, should have 
 the effect of exciting the mad million to overturn 
 all existing systems, without any distinct idea of 
 what they were to substitute in the place -of what 
 they destroyed. They would demolish a palace be- 
 fore they had provided materials for erecting even a 
 hovel on its site. 
 
 The auihor of the Pursuits of Literature has 
 the following remarks on this writer, *' Rousseau, 
 ^* by the unjustifiable, arbitrary and cruel proceed- 
 *' ings against him, his writings and person in 
 *^' France, where he was a stranger and to whose 
 *' tribunals he was not amenable, was stimulated to 
 ** pursue his researches into the origin and expedi- 
 " ence of such government, and of such qppression, 
 '* which, ot'herwist;, he probably never would have 
 <* discussed ; till he reasoned himself into the des- 
 *' perate doctrine of Political equality, and gave to 
 •' the world his fatal present the " Social Contract." 
 " Of this work the French since the revolution have 
 ** never lost sight. With them it is first, and last, 
 " and middle, and witho\it end in all their thoughts 
 "** and public actions. Rousseau is, I believe the only 
 
ILLUMINISM. 43 
 
 Trom whence his inference seem'd to be 
 Whatever is must cease to be :^ 
 
 And therefore Throne and Principality, 
 In gulph of Jacobin equality, 
 
 *' man to whom they have paid an implicit and unde- 
 " deviating- reverence ; and without a figure have 
 " worshipped in the Pantheon of their new idolatry, 
 "** like a new Chemos, the obscure dread of Gallia's 
 " sons. 
 
 '^'* Whatever is must cease to be. 
 
 Let us grant to our revolutionists that all the 
 flowers which be were originally founded on oppres- 
 sioTj, and that by tracing the titles, we shall find 
 some defect which in the opinion of casuists like 
 Rousseau, ought to weaken their xiaims. Yet they 
 «iu St allow there ought to be l>oyvcr someivhere in 
 ■society, which shall be sufficient to coerce, restrain 
 4ind punish the turbulent and vicious ; and those 
 who are solicitous to pull down and destroy such 
 power, ough surely to be able to establish a better' 
 claim in those who are to succeed in its possession 
 Besides power is more frequently abused by an up- 
 start, who has intrigued, forced and perhaps assasi- 
 nated his way into office, than by one who enjoys it 
 "by more justifiable means. The head of a man not 
 accustomed to elevation is apt to be giddy if he is 
 exalted, and the little finger of a Buonaparte is gen- 
 'Orally heavier than the loins of a Louis. 
 
44 ILLUMINISM. , 
 
 Must topsy turvy, down be tumbled i 
 
 And all the powers which be — be humbled. ; 
 
 Of modesty he loos'd the zone 
 And made the female world his own, I 
 
 By Chesterfieldian-like civility ; 
 
 And softening /w^'^ to seusibility .^' 
 
 ■^ And softening lust to sensibility. 
 
 The following beautiful lines are from " Jacobin' 
 2«m," a poem printed in England i 801. 
 
 «« Witk subtlest passion to inflame the heart 
 
 The ^wiss magician wakes his wondrous art. 
 
 How throbs the unpractised bosom, warm and frail, I 
 
 O'er Eloisa's soft seductive tale ! | 
 
 Soft as the music of the vocal grove, ' 
 
 JIc pours the thrilling strains ©f lawless love ; 
 
 Soft as enamour'd virgin's melting lay. 
 
 Or Zephyr panting on the lap of May." 
 
 To this quotation we are tempted to add one from 
 Coleman's Broad Grins^ which although expressed 
 'in a very different stile, is not less to the purpose: 
 than the preceding. 
 
 *' Were I a pastor of a boarding school, j 
 
 <« I'd quash such books in toto; — if Icould'nt, \ 
 
 •' Let me but catch one Miis that broke my rule* i 
 
 •♦I'd flog her soundly ; dam me if I would'nt." f 
 
iLLUMrNISM. 45 
 
 And set the head upon the whirl 
 Of many a vain, and ^ddy girl, 
 Who weds her father's coachman sinct 
 She can't so well command a prince. 
 
 A gang of Sophists him succeed, 
 French Democrats, detested breed, 
 Encyclopedists, justly dreaded,^^ 
 Steely nerv'd, and cobweb-headed. 
 
 ^* Encyclopedists, justly dreaded. 
 
 The arts of which the FrencTi Encyclopedists 
 made use, for disseminating the poison of their 
 principles, are detailed at large by the AtDbe Barruel, 
 vol. 1. chap. iv. to which we must refer the reader 
 who wishes for more ample information on this sub- 
 ject. Some of the tricks, however, of these Illumi- 
 nees, were «o pevfectly similar to those of the shuf- 
 fling- Jacobins of the present period, who mutilate, 
 garble, and n»isquote Adams' Defence of the Ame- 
 can Constitution, in order to show that the author of 
 a treatise, written in defence of a Republican form 
 of government, is at heart a monarchist, that we 
 thi'ik it cannot be malapropos, lo exhibit a few of 
 their mischievous devices. 
 
 *' Look for the article God, (Genevan edition) and 
 you win find very sound notions, together with the 
 direct, physical and metaphysical demonstration of 
 his existence ; and indeed, under such an article, it 
 
46 ILLUMINISM^ 
 
 With these unite a German swarm, 
 Of devils, guis'd in human form, 
 
 ^^ould have been too manifest, to have broached 
 any thing bordering on Atheism, Spinonism, or Epi- 
 curism ; but the reader is referred tt) the article 
 Demonstration, and there all the physical and 
 metaphysical cogent arguments for the existence of 
 a God disappear. We are there taught, that all 
 direct demonstrations suppose the idea of injinitude, 
 and that such an idea cannot be of the clearest^ either 
 for the naturalisty or the metaphysician. This, in a 
 word, destroys all confidence the reader had in the 
 proofs adduced of the existence of God. There 
 again, they are pleased to tell you, that a single in- 
 ject, in the eyes of a philosopher, more farciblf 
 proves the existence of a God, than all the metaphy" 
 sical arguments whatever ; (ibid.) but you are then 
 referred to Corruption, ^vhere you learn how 
 inuch yQU are to beware of asserting, in a positive 
 manner, that corruption can never beget animated 
 bodies ; and that such a production of animated 
 bodies by corruption seems to be countenanced by dai- 
 ly experiments ; and it is from these experiments pre- 
 cisely, that the Atheists conclude that the existence of 
 God is unnecessary, either for the creation of man or 
 animals. Prepossessed by these references against the 
 existence of God, led the leader turn to the articles 
 of Encyclopaedia, and Epicurism. In theformerj 
 he will be told. That there is no being in nature that 
 
ILLUMINISM. 4r 
 
 Cold-blooded and zvrong-headed wights, 
 Weishaupt's detested proselytes ; 
 
 can be called the first or last^ and that a machine^ 
 infinite in every nvay^ must be the Deity, In the latter, 
 the atom is to be the Deity. It will be the primary 
 cause of all things, by whom, and of whom, every 
 thing is active essentially of itself, Mone Unalteradtcy 
 Alone Eternal, Alone Immutable ; and thus the rea- 
 ilcr will be insensibly led from the God of the gos- 
 pel, to the Heathenish fiction of an Epicurus, op 
 of a Spinosa. 
 
 The same cunning is to be found in the article of 
 the Soul. Where the sophisters treat directly of 
 its essence, they give the ordinary proofs of its sfiir* 
 ituality^ and of its immortality* They will even add 
 to the article Brute, that the soul cannot be sup- 
 posed material nor can the brute be reduced to the 
 quality of a mere machine^ without running the hazard 
 of making man an automato. And under Natural 
 Law, we read. That if the determinations of man, 
 or even his oscillations arise from any thing material 
 extraneous to his soui^ there will be neither good nor 
 evil, neither just nor unjust^ neither obligation nor 
 right. Then referred to the article Locke, in order 
 to do away all this consequence, we are told. That 
 it is of no importance whether matter thinks or not, 
 for what is that to justice or injustice, to the immor- 
 tality cf the soul, and to all the truth of the system, 
 whefher political or religious. The reader, enjoying 
 the liberty and equality of his reason, is left to doubt 
 
48 ILLUMINISIV^, 
 
 Philosophists, Illuniinati, 
 Beings, of whom at any rate, I 
 
 with regard to the spirituality, and no longer know* 
 whether he should not think hit»self a// matter. 
 
 But he will decide, when under the article Ani- 
 mal, he finds, That life and animation are only fihysic- 
 al firofierties of matter ; and lest he should think him- 
 self debased by his resembling a plant or an anima!, 
 ta console him in his fall, they will tell him, article 
 Encyclopedia and Animal, TViat the only differ* 
 ence between certain vegetables^ and animals such as uSf 
 iSfthat they slee/i, and chat we wake^that we are animals 
 that feel^ and that they are animals that feel not ; and ji 
 still further in article Animal That the sole differ- <, 
 ence between a stock and a man, is, that the one '; 
 never falls, while the other never falls after the same ^j 
 manner. J I 
 
 After perusing these articles bonafde^ the reader 
 must be insensibly drawn into the vortex of mate^ 
 riallsm. ■ 
 
 In treating of Liberty or Free Agency, we find the | 
 same artifice. When they treat it directly, they will ' 
 say, *' Take away liberty, all human nature is over- 
 thrown, and there will be no trace of order in so; 
 ciety. Recompense will be ridiculous, and chastise- ! 
 ment unjust, The ruin of liberty carries with it that 
 of all order of police, and legitimates tUe most mon- j 
 strous crimes ; so monstrous a doctrine is not to b& \ 
 debated in the schools, but punished by the magis- j 
 tratcs," 8cc. Then follows a poj'tlon of Demoeratiq 
 
IlLUMINISM. 49 
 
 May well affirm a viler set, 
 Ne'er this side Pandemonium met. 
 
 rant : « Oh, liberty," they exclaim, « Oh, libertyj 
 gift of Heaven I Oh, liberty of action ! Oh, liberty 
 of thought ! thou alone art capable of great things !" 
 (See article Authority, and the Preliminary 
 Discourse.) But at the article Chance, (fortuit) 
 all this liberty of action and of thought, is only a 
 flower that cannot be exercised, that cannot be known 
 by actual exercise ; and Diderot, at the article Evi- 
 dence, pretending to support Liberty, will very pro- 
 perly say, *' This concatenation of causes and ef- 
 fects, supposed by the philosophers, in order to form 
 ideas representing the mechanism of the universe, 
 is as fabulous as the Tritons and the Naiads.'' But, 
 both he and D' Alembert, descant again on that con- 
 catenation, and returning to Chance (fortuit) tell 
 us, '' That though it is imperceptible it is not less 
 real; that it connects aU things in nature, that all 
 evens depend on it ; just as the wheels of a watch, 
 as to the motion, depend on each other : that from 
 the first ^moment of our existence, we are by no 
 means masters of our .motions ; that were there a 
 thousand worlds similar to this, and simultaneously 
 existing, governed by the same laws, every thing in 
 them would be done in the same way ; and that 
 man, in virtue of these same latvs would perform^ at 
 the r.ame time, the same actions, in eacli one of these 
 worlds." This will naturally convince the unin- 
 formed reader, of tne chimara of such liberty or 
 F 
 
so ILLUMINISM. ^ 
 
 Though scores of volumes would not hold. 
 What might of them with truth be told ; 
 Though setting forth this horrid tale, 
 May make New England men turn pale ;.... 
 
 Some of their tenets we will trace, 
 Which one would think could ne'er have 
 This side the Democratic club, [place 
 
 Whose President is Beelzebub. 
 
 free agency, which cannot be exercised. Not con- 
 lent with this, Diderot, at the article Fatality, af- 
 ter a long dissertation on this concatenation ofcauses, 
 ends, by saying. That it cannot be contested either 
 in the physical ivorld, or in the moral and intellectual 
 world. Hence, what becomes of that liberty, with- 
 out which there no longer exists Just or unjust obli- 
 gation or right?" 
 
 These examples will suffice to convince the rea- 
 der of the truth of what we have asserted, as to the 
 artful policy with which the Encyclopedia had been 
 digested ; they will show with what cunning its 
 authors sought to spread the principles of Athe- 
 ism, Materialism and Fatalism ; in fine, every error 
 incompatible with that religion, for which they pro- 
 fessed so great a reverence at their outset. 
 
 37 Weishaupt's detested proselytes. 
 
 The character of this abominable wretch, who 
 
ILLUMINISM. 51 
 
 With other things, which mark the ,iiend^ 
 That means are sanction'd by the end ; ^* 
 And if some good end we would further. 
 No matter if the means are murther ! 
 
 That in this philosophic aera, 
 
 A God is found a mere chimaera, ^^ 
 
 debauched his wife's sister, and attempted to murder 
 her, together with the fruits of their illicit commerce, 
 is but a type of that of many leading jacobins in this 
 country. His intimate friends a»d disciples, v/ere 
 all monsters of iniquity. See Robison's Proofs, 
 p. 114. and 130. 
 
 3* That means are sanction'd by the end. 
 
 " Nothing was so frequently discoursed of (in 
 the German Lodges) *' as the propriety of employ- 
 ing for a good purpose, the means which the wick- 
 ed employed for evil purposes." 
 
 Robison's Proofs^ 
 
 This abominable tenet of the Illuminati, appears 
 to have been the principal rule of action of the 
 monster, Roberspierre, who made France an acel- 
 dama. for the purpose of introducing his fancied 
 perfection. 
 
 '* A God is found a mere chimaera. 
 
52 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 By priests created but for wildering 
 Fools, ignoramusses and children ; 
 
 Freret, whose writings were recommended by 
 the Illuminati, tells us expressly, " The universal 
 cause, that God of the Philosophers, of Jews, and 
 of Christians, is but a chimsera, and a phantom." 
 The same author continues, " Imagination daily 
 creates fresh chimeras, which raises in them that 
 impulse of fear, and such is the phantom of the 
 Deity." 
 
 To the opinion of these philosophists, might be 
 opposed that of a host of real philosophers. But the 
 fallowing observations of Professor Robison, are so 
 apposite, that we think they supercede our own re- 
 marks. 
 
 *' Our immortal Newton, to whom the philoso- 
 phers of Europe look up as the honor of our species, 
 whom even Mr. Bailly, the president of the Na- 
 tional Assembly of France, and mayor of Paris, 
 cannot find words sufuciently energetic to praise ; 
 this patient, sagacious and successful observer of 
 nature, after having exhibited to the wondering 
 world, the characteristic property of that principle 
 of material nature, by which all the bodies of the 
 Solar system are made to form a connected and per- 
 manent universe ; and after having shewn that this 
 law of action alone was adapted to this end, and that 
 if gravity had deviated but one thousaiwlth part 
 from the inverse duplicate ratio of the distances, 
 the system must, in the course of » rery few revo- 
 
ILLUMINISIM. 53 
 
 That worlds of mirid may be explored, 
 By lights, which matter can afford, 
 
 lutions, have gone into confusion and rijin ; sits 
 down, and views the goodly scene ; and then closes 
 his principles of natural philosophy with this re- 
 flection, (his scholium generale,) 
 
 ** This most elegant frame of things could not 
 have arisen, unless by the contrivance and the di- 
 rection of a wise and powerful being ; and if the 
 fixed stars are the centres of systems these systems 
 * must be similar ; and all these constructed according 
 to the same plan, are subject to the government of 
 one Being. All these he governs, not as the soul of the 
 ■world, but as the Lord of all ; therefore, on account 
 of his government he is called the Lord God*.M 
 II»»Toyf<«To^ ; for God is a relative term, and refers 
 to his subjects. Deity is God's government, not of 
 his own body, as those think who consider him as 
 the soul of the world, but of his servants. The Su- 
 preme God, is a being, eternal, infinite, absolutely 
 perfecjl;. But a being, however perfect without go- 
 ▼ernment, is not God ; for we say, my God, your 
 God, the God of Israel. We cannot say my eter- 
 nal, my infinite. We may have some notions in- 
 deed of his attributes, but we can have none of his 
 nature. With respect to bodies, we see only shapes 
 and colour ; hear only sounds ; touch only surfaces. 
 These are attributes of bodies ; but of their essence 
 we ki'ow nothing. As a blind man can form no 
 notion of colours, we can form none of the manner 
 
 F 2 
 
54 ILLlTMlNISM. 
 
 And Power Omnipotent must bend, 
 To what a zvorm can comprehend. '^^ 
 
 in which God perceives, and understands, and in- 
 fluences every thing. 
 
 *' Therefore we know God only by his attributes. 
 What are these ? The wise and excellent structure, 
 and final aim of all things. In these, his perfec- 
 tions, we admire him and we wonder. In his direc- 
 tions or govern pent, we venerate and worship him ; 
 we worship him as his servants ; and God, with- 
 out dominion, without providence, and final aims, is 
 Fate ; not the object either of reverence, of hope, or 
 of fear." 
 
 These are the sentiments of a rea/ philosopher, not 
 a Tom Pain, a Godwin, or a Voltaire. 
 
 ^^ To what a wor?n can comprehend. 
 
 It has ever appeared to us as the essence of folly, 
 for those who pretend to be philosophers, to deny 
 the being of a God, because they cannot compre- 
 hend how he exists. As well might they deny the 
 existence of the atmosphere, because it is invisible. 
 Will these presumptuous mortals affirm that the 
 magnetic needle does not point towards the pole, be- 
 cause they cannot develope the cause of the mag- 
 netic influence I Then may they affirm, that because 
 they cannot 
 
 Trace the secret mystic links which bind 
 The viorld of matter to the viorld of mind^ 
 
ILLUMINISM. 55 
 
 That by some accidental clatter, 
 Of pristine, crude, chaotic matter, 
 (But how, an Atheist only knows) 
 This beauteous universe arose. *^ 
 
 That there is nothing like reality, 
 In future life and immortality ;** 
 
 that there is no God and no mind in the universe. 
 
 *^ This beauteous universe arose. 
 
 " The author of Good Sense, vi^hich D'Alembert 
 vrishes to see abridged, in order to sell it for five 
 pence to the poor and ignorant, says, That the phe- 
 nomena of nature, only prove the existence of God, 
 to a few prepossessed men ; that the wonders of 
 nature, so far from speaking a God, are but the ne- 
 cessary efforts of matter, infinitely diversified." 
 
 Barruel. 
 
 « In future life and immortality. 
 
 Boulanger tells us, " That the immortality of the 
 soul, so far from stimulating men to the practice of 
 virtue, is nothing but a barbarous^ desperate and fatal 
 tenet, and contrary to all legislation." *' In the lodg- 
 es, (of the Illuminati) death was declared to be ah 
 eternal sleep," 
 
 Roeison's Proofs^ 
 
56 ILLUMINISxM. 
 
 When death our thread of fate shall sever, 
 We go to rest, and sleep forever. 
 
 That actions are, or are not virtuous, 
 As they conduce most good or hurt to us,*^ 
 The agent judging their propriety. 
 And operation in society. 
 
 And maxims hammer'd out for steeling 
 The mind against each social feeling, 
 To gain attainable perfection, 
 Would root out natural affection.'** 
 
 <3 As they conduce most good or hurt to us. 
 
 Helvetius saysj " That the only rule by which 
 virtuous actions are distinguished from vicious ones, 
 is the law of princes, and public utility. That vir- 
 tue^ that honesty^ with regard to individuals, is no 
 more than the habit of actions fiersonally advantage- 
 ous, and that self interest is the scale by which the 
 actions of those can be measured.** 
 
 ^ Would root out natural affection. 
 
 " The commandment of loving father and mother, 
 16 more the ^vork of education^ than of nature." 
 
 He LVETIUS. 
 
ILLUMINISM. 5r 
 
 Maintain'd that fathers, children, brothers, 
 No nearer are to us than others ; 
 And as for that frail being, zvoman^ 
 They held^ she should be held m common ;^* 
 
 ^ They hcldy she should be held in common. 
 
 *' By a decree of the French National Convention 
 (June 6, 1794) it is declared that there is nothing 
 criminal in the promiscuous commerce of the sexesi 
 and therefore nothing that derogates from the fe- 
 male character, when \yoman forgets that she is the 
 depositary of all domestic satisfaction, that her honor 
 is the sacred bond of social life — that on her mo- 
 desty and delicacy depend all the respect and con- 
 fidence that will make a man attach himself to soci- 
 ety, free her from labour, share with her the fruits 
 of all his own exertions, and work with willingness 
 and delight that she may appear on all occasions his 
 equal, and the ornament of all his acquisitions. In 
 the very argument, which this selected body of 
 senators has given for the propriety of this decree, 
 it has degraded women below all estimation. " It 
 is to prevent her from murdering the fruit of unlaw- 
 ful love, by removing her shame, and by relieving 
 her from the fear of want.*' The senators say, " the 
 Republic wants citizens, and therefore must not on- 
 ly remove this temptation of shame, but must take 
 care of the mother while she nurses the child. It 
 ■is the property of the nation and must not be lost." 
 
.r 
 
 58 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 That vice, in all the horrid shapes 
 Of murder, perjury^ theft and rapes, 
 lb right in those, who can invent, 
 A mode t' escape from punishment 
 
 . 45 
 
 That man should have no more remorse 
 For evil actions than his horse, 
 Because what vulgar folks call conscience, 
 Is nothing more than vulgar nonsense; 
 
 That modesty is all a trick 
 And chastity a fiddlestick, 
 
 The woman all the while is considered only as the^ 
 SHE ANIMAL, the breeder of Sans cullottes. This » 
 the^'w*^ morality of Illumination." 
 
 RoBi son's Proofs, p. 374-5. 
 These degrading ideas of the female sex are pre - 
 cisely the same, which were taught in the German 
 Iwodgcs, and furnish proof of the connection be- 
 tween Illuminism, and the causes which excited 
 the French Revolution. 
 
 ^ A mode t' escape from punishment. 
 
 " The man who is above the law, can commit 
 vnthout remorse the dishonest act, which serves his 
 purpose." 
 
 Helvetius. 
 
ILLUMINISM. 59 
 
 A vile, old fashion'd sort of trimming 
 Meant to set off your pretty women ;*' 
 
 Like sly finesse in fille dejoj/e; 
 Who pleases more by being coy 
 Than if she came with air voluptuous 
 Sans ceremonie 'dancing up to us ; 
 
 Thatthronesand powers must be demolished 
 And all things sacred be abolish'd, 
 Each man be all, and every thing, 
 A Subject, Magistrate and King ; ^* 
 
 ^ '•^ Meant to set off your pretty women. 
 
 *' Modesty is only the invention of refined vo- 
 luptuousness."....HELVETius. The French women 
 have, however, pretty well divested themselves of 
 this appendage. Madam Tallien, accompanied 
 by other beautiful women, laying aside all modesty, 
 came into the public theatre, presented themselves 
 
 to public view, with bared limbs a la sauvage as the 
 alluring objects of desire. 
 
 Rob I son's Proofs, p. 197. 
 
 *^ A Subject, Magistrate and King. 
 
 The object of the Illuminati, as appears from Bar- 
 ruel and Robison, was not only anti-christian, and 
 
- ^ 
 
 60 '-^ ILI.UMINISM. 
 
 Such principles as here are stated 
 By phiiosophs are propagated, 
 Sans intermission, or fatigue, 
 By open force, and dark intrigue. 
 
 The monsters made it still there aim 
 So fit for deeds^without a name 
 Their pupils, train'd with wondrous art 
 To play the fell assassin's part. 
 
 The ties of nature disregarding 
 
 'Tvvas still there aim the heart to harden, ■ 
 
 And make a irairdercr of man'*' 
 
 To propagate perfection's plan. 
 
 anti-monarchical, but anti-sociaU They wished to 
 annihilate every thing which went to strengthen 
 the bands of society, and reduce man to a state of 
 nature. The candidate for the degree of ejiopt^ or " 
 priest, was informed by his sufierior^ that " These* 
 ^necret schools of /ihilosophuf shall one day retrieve the 
 fall of human nature, and /princes and nations shall 
 disafifiear from the face of the earth ; and that ivith 
 out violence. Reason shall be the only book of le^wsy' 
 the sole code of man." 
 
 *^ And make a murderer of man. 
 
 " A candidate for reception into one of the iiigh- 
 
 i 
 
 i^ 
 
^^ -' IlLUMINISM. ^^^ ^61 
 
 No kind of care nor pains were stinted 
 To poison every thing that's printed, 
 
 est orders, after having heard many threatenings 
 ^denounced against ^U who should betray the secrets 
 of the order, was conducted to a place where he 
 saw the dead bodies of several who were said to 
 have suffered for their treachery. He then saw his 
 own brother tied hand and foot begging his mercy 
 and intercession. He was informed that the per,- 
 son was aljout to suffer the punishment dije to^this 
 offence, and that it was reserved for him (the can- 
 didate) to be the instrument of this just vengeanccj 
 and that this gave him an opportunity of manifest- 
 •ing that he was completely devoted to the Order. 
 It being observed that his countenance gave signs 
 of J^ward horror (the person in bonds imploding his 
 mercy all the while) he was lold that in order to spare 
 his feeling^s a bandage should be put over his eyes, j^ 
 dagger was then put into ^s right hand, and being 
 hoodwinked, his left hand was laid on the palpitat- 
 ing heart of the criminal, and he was then ordered 
 to strike. He instantly obeyed ; and when the ban- 
 dage was taken from his eyes he saw that it was a 
 lamb that he had stabbed. Surely such a trial and 
 M^uch wanton crue^y are only fit for training conspi- 
 ^r^fers," 
 
 W*^ ' , Robison's Proo/^9, p. 299. 
 
 No wonder that people tramed to blood in this 
 manner should have been guilty of the most horrid 
 
^"^ ^ , idlUMINISM. '^- ♦ ^ 
 
 By modes, which other men would scorn. 
 From folio, down^to book of horn.*** 
 
 ■■'in 
 
 excesses. Nothing m the annals of liistory can 
 equal the cruelties committed by llliiminees 
 and. Philosopbists. Well might the Abbe Bar- 
 
 ' Tucl affirm, " It was the principles of^ the sect 
 tnat made Barnave, at the siirht of heads carried on 
 pikes, ferociously smile and exclaim, ^^tvas that blood 
 then so pure that one might not eve?i spill one drop of^ 
 it ? \^% it was those principles that made Chap- 
 pellier, Mirabeau, and Gregoire, when they beheld 
 the brigands surrounding the Palace of Versailles 
 in sanguinary rage, thirsting after murder, and par- 
 ticularly after the blood of the Queen, exclaim the 
 people must have victims. It was these principles 
 that even smothered the affection of brothe^^or 
 brother* when the adept Chenier, seeing his own 
 
 .W^jrother delivered over to the hands of ,|he public 
 executioner, coolly said,,-//* my brother be not in the 
 true sense of the revolution^ let him be sacrijiced. ...thzt 
 eradicated the feelings of the ch^ for his parents, 
 when the adept Philip brggght in triumph to the club 
 of Jacobins the head of hisfatlier and mother 1 1 This 
 insatiable sect calls out by the mouth of the bloody 
 Marat for two h'jn<Jre{L|nd seventy thousand heads,iii3i*^ 
 declarini^ that before lonr^ it will count only by mil- 
 lions. '1 hey knew well that^eir systems and last 
 mysteries of equpli^^can only ^e accomplished in 
 their full extent by depopulating^ the world ; and by 
 the mouth of Le Bo, it answers the inhabitants of 
 
 K 
 
ILLJMINISM, 6:3 
 
 Among these human Demons were 
 
 Condorcet, Diderrot, Voltaire, '' 
 
 ■^■ 
 
 Montauban, tenitied with the want of provisions, 
 *' Fear no't ; Fiance has a SKifficiency for twelve mil- 
 lions of iiiHabitants. All the rest (that is the other 
 j wf- lve millions) must be put to death, and then 
 i^ 1 tnere will be no scarcity of bread." 
 
 " • - Barruel, vol. IV. p. 271. 
 
 We are likewise told by the historians of that dis- 
 astrous period that new words were inventecFto 
 denote the butciieries which took place. Whole 
 hecatouibs of victims were shot en inasse, and this 
 was stiled Fiisi Hades ; hecatombs were also drown- 
 ed, and this species of murder was called JVoyacks, 
 
 One of their own -waters, a republican, gives the 
 following description of^the cruelties practised by 
 these adepts in iniquity. 
 
 " Under the name of a revolutionary governmentj,' 
 all the public functions were united in the commit- 
 tee of public safety, where Robespierre had for a 
 lonij time dominated. Then it was that this com- 
 mittee became dictatorial, ,|mrried into the depart- 
 ments thatKhorde of ferocious pro-consuls, whom 
 we have seen betrayini^ and slaughtering the peo- 
 ^^ple, whose servants they were, and to whom they 
 owed their political existence ; sometimes carrying 
 with them in their murderous circuits, the f^uillo^ 
 fine^ at others declaring it jiermanent, which was 
 aaying in other words, that the executioner was not 
 to have a moment's rest. These monsters in mis- 
 
 I 
 
1» 
 
 64 ^^. ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Andl5then»shrewd, self-boasting sages, 
 4^Whoi^|^ames shall not disgrace our pages. 
 
 ^ ,.sion, these Colossusses of crime, these phcenomena 
 of cruelty, hunted men as a German baron hunts 
 wild boars. The, despotic Turk, when he makes 
 
 ^ h^s equal e'^pire under the bastinado of a Pacha or 
 by the chord of the mutes, dbes not say to his 
 x'icUm, thou art free, ^^"^^ jst 
 
 " We have already said that all tyrannies resemble 
 each other; all tyrants have, like our decemvirs, 
 
 *- employed the arm of terror; and it is not in this 
 
 *^ point of view that the history of the epoch of our 
 revolution is new ; but what has never yet been 
 seen, and what probably will never be seen again, 
 is a great and enlightened people, who during six -- 
 months were mutilated, decimated, shot, drowned, 
 and guillotined by their representatives ; it is the 
 extreme ferocity of so many public functionaries 
 butchering those from whom they received their 
 commissions. Rome had a series of tyrants in suc- 
 cessioi), or at least at short intervals ; but France 
 had at one and the same iji^tant a host of Caligulas. 
 Tacitus himself would have broken his pencil with 
 regret at not being able to paint all the crimes which 
 sprung from the monstrous junctioUjOf the ferocious 
 Robespierre with the sanguinary Couthon ; of the 
 barbarous Billaud with the gloomy Amar ; of the 
 tiger Collot, with the, tiger Carrier ; of the cut- 
 
 ' throat Dumas with the cut- throat Coffinhall ; and a 
 thousand subalterns submissive to their orders. 
 
 Ik 
 
ILLUMIxNISM. £5 
 
 Now they appear in varied guise. 
 Like their great prototype of lies, 
 
 Mirabeau undoubtedly foresaw a part of these hor- 
 rors, when he said, liberty slein oiilij on maitrasse-8 
 of dead carcases.'* 
 
 " What a picture ! the vi^aves of the ocean swel- 
 led by the mangled bodies, which were secretly com- 
 mitted to the bosom of the Loire ; Blood flowing in 
 torrents down the streets of every town ; the dun- 
 geons of a hundred thousand bastiles groaning un- 
 der the weight of the victims with which they were 
 incumbered ; the threshold of every door stained 
 with gore 4 and as the height of insult, the word 
 humanity engraven on every tomb, and associated 
 to death f such was the lamentable aspect which 
 France presented ! On every frontispiecei'^^ere to 
 he seen the contradictory words of Liberty, Frater- 
 nity, or Oeath. Alas 1 the last was the only one 
 which was realized." Page's French revolution^ 
 
 vol. II. p. 166, 7, 8. 
 
 Here we have the faint outlines of a picture of the 
 horrors of the French revolution, drawn by a 
 Frenchman and a democrat. This is the kind of 
 liberty and equality wjiich illuminated philosophers 
 prepare for mankindo 
 
 ** From folio dawn to book of horn. 
 
 **^ln{id^y is now served up in every shape that 
 is likely to allure, surprise, or beguile the imagiaa- 
 
 " g2 '' ^ 
 
66 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Who^rst adroitly to deceive 
 Ki^ serpent's form accosted Eve, 
 
 In Paris many a ^piocrat 
 In dark, inferncdponcrave sat, 
 Brooded on eggs of curs'd confusion, 
 And hatch'd the Gallic revolution." 
 
 4^ 
 
 ■Si' 
 
 tion ; in a fable, a tale, a novel, a poem, in inter- 
 spei'^Sed and broken hints ; remote and oblique sur- 
 mises ; in books of travels ; of philosophy ; of na- 
 tural history ; in a word, in any form rather than 
 that of a professed and regular disquisition." 
 
 4^ ^ Palet. 
 
 '^ Aim hatch'd the Gallic revolatioHr 
 
 I do not pretend to affirm thafthe French revo- 
 lution was altogether the imjnediate and direct effect 
 of the operations of the Illuminati. But I believe 
 that the principles inculcated in the lodges of these 
 terrene infernals, and which were circulated by 
 them, and by those who were connected with them, 
 paved the way to those enormities, which rendered 
 the French revolution by far the most Woody re- 
 corded in "histolj^. There were no doubt many, 
 who without ever fierceiving it themselves were under 
 the influence of principles taught in these lodges. 
 There was a great differpce between the syste- 
 matical ferocity of the leaders in the French revo- 
 
ILLUMINISM. er 
 
 Anon their black atrocious band *' ^ 
 
 Skulk in disguise though every land, ^ 
 
 Rebellion propagate, by stealth 
 Through City, Kingdom, Commonwealth* 
 
 lution, and the desultory eiForts of the common Jack 
 Cades and Wat Tylers of rebellion. Many of them 
 had thoroughly reasoned themselves into a belief 
 that their massacres were laudable, and would even- 
 tually redound to their own honor and the great . 
 good of the human species. 
 
 The following anecdote will, I think, corroborate 
 my assertion. 
 
 " To give an idea of the temper of the people at 
 Paris, it is proper to remark, that at the same in- 
 stant when the multitude with bloody fury were 
 massacring the menial servants in the palace, (on 
 the memorable 10th of August 1792) and could 
 scarcely be restrained from offering violence to the 
 Swiss who were made prisoners, they would suffer no^» 
 acts of pillage to go unpunished. Several attempts 
 of this kind were accordingly followed by the in- 
 stant death of the criminals. The plate, the jewels, 
 and money found in the Thuilleries were brought to 
 the national assembly, and thrown down in the hall. 
 One man, whose dress and appearance bespoke ex- 
 treme poverty, cast upon the table an hat full of 
 gold....But the minds of these men were elevated 
 by enthusiasm ; and they considered themselves as 
 at this moment the champions of freedom, and ob- 
 jects of terror to the kings of the earth.'* 
 
4 
 
 63 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Thus the fell fiend of yellow-fever, 
 Hurls viewless arrows frbm his quiver, 
 Hovers in darkness dire, and flings 
 Distruction from mephitick wings. 
 
 Nor were their efforts bent alone 
 Against the altar and the throne, 
 But were intended for prostration 
 Of order, law, and civ'lization* 
 
 They fought as bold as Bonaparts* 
 
 To level science and the arts ; 
 
 Bid mankind list beneath the scrub ^ 
 
 Of strongest arm, and largest club* 
 
 And swore to have the pure reality. 
 Essence of Jacobin equality, 
 That freedom, which no more nor less is. 
 Than wolves enjoy in wildernesses.** 
 
 <* Than wolves enjoy -in wildernesses. 
 
 The following extract from an address -to the 
 French people by the adepts Drouet, Babieuf, and 
 Longelat, exhibits a correct specimen of jacobin 
 equality. 
 
 " JVe are all equaL.^ThdX principle is incontesta- 
 ble... .very well ! We mean in future to live and die 
 
ILLUMINISM. 69 
 
 ^ Their leading tenets tally nicely, 
 Jn many things the same precisely 
 
 as we are born. We will have real equality or 
 death. «.T hat is what we want, and we will have 
 that real equality, cost what it will. Woe be to those 
 ivhom ive shall meet between it and us ! Woe to the 
 man who shall dare oppose so positive a determina- 
 tion ! The French revolution is but the forerunner 
 
 Sbf a revolution greater by far and much more so- 
 lemn ; and which will be the last. 
 
 *' What do we ask more than the equality of rights ? 
 Why, we will not only have that equality trans- 
 cribed in the declaration of the rights of man, and 
 of the citizen ; we will have it in the midst of us, 
 under the roofs of our houses. We consent to 
 every thing for the acquisition of it, even to clear 
 decksy that we may possess it alone ; perish the 
 arts, if requisite, provided we do but preserve a real 
 equality ! 
 
 " Legislators and governors, proprietors, rich and 
 
 fbowelless, in vain do you attempt to paralyze our 
 sacred enterprfze, by saying we are only re-pro- 
 ducing the Agrarian law that has been so often 
 asked for before. 
 
 '^'' " Calumniators I hold your peace in ybiir turn, and 
 
 •^in the silence of confusion hearken to our preten- 
 sions dictated by nature and grounded on justice. 
 
 " The Agrarian law, or equal partition of lands, 
 was the momentary wish of a few soldiers without 
 principles, of a few clans, actuated rather by instinct 
 
^« 
 
 70 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Unfolded by that fish of odd fin, 
 The Jacobinic William ©odvvin." 
 
 than by reason. We aim at something more sub- 
 lime, far more equitable, goods in common, or the ^ 
 COMMUNITY OF ESTATES I JVo viorc individual faro- 
 perties in land-, for the earth belongs to nobody, Wc m 
 demand and will enjoy the goods of the earth in 
 common. The fruits belong to all. Disafifiear \ 
 novj^ ye disgusting disiinctioris of rich and jioor^ ^^fH^ 
 higher and loiue^r, of master and servants of GOvsflfl^- 
 ING AND GOVERNED ] for uo Other distinctions smS^l 
 exist among mankind than those of age arliti sex,** ^ ^^^J 
 
 '^ The Jacobinic William Godwin. 
 
 Were it not true that our American jacobins arc 
 very great admirers of this disorganizing^ philoso- 
 phist, I would not v/aste a syllable on his productions. , 
 His Political Justice is held in utter abhorrence by all 
 men of sense and erudition on either side cf the At- 
 lantic. But as it is unfortunately the case that some ,. 
 men, who are neither men of sensenor erudition, are 
 very aspiring characters, the said William Godwin 
 is toasted in democratic clubs, and many of the 
 y men now in power, shape their conduct according 
 to the models of this principal pedlar of French 
 manufactured morality. 
 
 I would premise, iiowever, that I shall not at- 
 tempt to trace the sorry sophist through all his la- 
 byrinths of " desolating nonsense." A concise- 
 
^ ILLUMTNISM. n 
 
 Who held society, j^as needing 
 'a little salutary bleeding, 
 
 sketch of some of the most prominent fallacies 
 \vhich we have observed in his Political Justice, 
 must suffice. 
 
 He commences his theory of political justice, 
 with a description of the " evils existing in politi- 
 cal society,'* then attempts to prove that these 
 devils are to be ascribed to public institutions/' 
 antl next proposes to inform us, how such evils are 
 to be removed ! 
 
 c'p.der the head of evils existing in society, we 
 Ire presented with much conMion place declama- 
 tion, about fraud, robbery, wars, &c. To these 
 succeed several arid chapters, relative to innate 
 principles, antenatal innpressions, instincts, &:c. all 
 of which is either very trite, or very nonsensical. 
 •We are next informed that our voluntary actions 
 are invariably the result of reanon. That passion 
 and appetite cannot cotmteract its mandates. ...that 
 " truth is omnipotent"....that when a rational being 
 knonvs what is right, he will invariably act according 
 to his kncwlfMlge. - ? "^ ^' 
 
 Hence^ we have nothing further|pdo in perform- 
 imr the process of perfi^ing man, than merely to 
 ilTliminate him .vith SMjit of flRTc^sopher Godwin's 
 lucid di?j^]:iys of triiih. a3*^xhibl(p, for instance, in 
 his, ■gol it j'-al Justice, a:i#;he will \it so perfect^ that 
 o>v '• neccasarg eviV^ of government msiy be anni- 
 led. 
 
 % 
 
72 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 To kill one half mankind were best, ^ 
 
 And then philosophize the rest. 
 
 Here, however, soD,ie slight diffieulties in our 
 progress to perfection intervene. But these cannot 
 long retard Philosopher Godwin. He acknowledgeB 
 xiSat there are some soils in which the plant, fier-n 
 fectibility., will not flourish. The influences of lux- 
 ury, of climate, Sec. oppose something like obst^ 
 qles. But these vanish before plenipotent philoso- 
 pher Godwin. " For," quoth he, " if truth, when 
 properly displayed be omnipotent, then neither cli- 
 mate nor luxiyy jire invincible obstacles." No, our 
 philosopher is'not ro be put down by trifles. He 
 will contrive " moral causes," to overpower all 
 physical impediments. The shrivelled Eskimaux, 
 or the parched African, are alike capable of per- 
 fection, and of consequence, of dispensing with the 
 formality of gc^siiinent. ^ 
 
 We are next presented with a curious chapter on - 
 <* Justice." In tb.-s we are informed that the <' dis- 
 tribution of justice snould be measured by th^ ca- 
 pacity of its subject." That is, that in measuring 
 such juscice, we a^fe not to consult the claims o^ 
 the persons to Whom it is due., but the good of the 
 mass of mankind, al?3tractedly considered. Whence 
 it follows, that if I-'owe a sum of money to A. but 
 B. to whom I aiTiUbt indebted, would, in my opinion^ 
 make a better use of that money than A.^JL^m 
 bound, in justice, to pay it to the former. It aeems 
 to be the object of this singular bein^ to consider 
 
 J 
 
ILLUMINISM. 73 
 
 Some say one might say with propriety 
 «* They were like our St. Tarn. Society ;^^ 
 
 justice as a sort of abstract quality, an iindefinable 
 somethings due to the " system of nature," and to 
 ^ distributed where ^it will contribute most to the 
 mass of enjoyment now existing, or which "^may 
 hereafter exist in the universe, 
 •if ence it appears that Mr. Godwin's Justice is not 
 
 1^ unlike ©i'. Darwin's .^j|pnirersal philanthropy," 
 which is consoled for the loss of thousands of 
 human beings, by the reflection that the matter of 
 which they wer&>f rganizedf qmic^ht be profitably em- 
 ployed in the manufacture of myriads of insects, 
 t-he sum of vvliose happiness might be etjual to that 
 of th^ slaughtered armies, to whose destruction 
 these flying and creeping things owed; their exist- 
 ence. ' PTiytol^ia, 
 
 But to return to Mr. Godwin. In proving all 
 these fine things, however, ^ur won<lerfuIly pro- 
 'ound philosopher, as might be expected, \iiot un- 
 frequently contradicts himself. Truth is sometimes 
 represented as " Omnipotent," and sometimes as 
 totally imbecile, although by its agency ?ili his per- 
 fection is to be brought abolit. For we are inform- 
 ed, that " Self deception is of all things the m.ost 
 easy. Whoever ardentlv, Avishes to find a propo- 
 sition true, may ^be expected insensibly to veer 
 towards the opinion that flWits his inclination. It 
 
 i#fcannot be wondered at, by him who considers the 
 subtilty of the liuman mind, that belief should 
 
74 I'LLUMINISM. 
 
 But, as I know not whom I may hit, 
 Of course I shan't presume to say it. 
 
 scarcely ever rest upon the mere basis of evidence, 
 and that arguments are always viewed through a 
 delusive medium, magnifying them into Alps, or 
 diminishing them to nothing. '* 
 
 We are afterwards told of conscientious assassins 
 and persecutors, who are to be governed by this 
 ** Omnipotent Tr\ith," but how all this will be 
 brought about, no body but a philosophist can de- 
 termine. 
 
 Mr. Godwin now proceeds to explode rights, and 
 unshackle his unlimited morality,! till at length we 
 are presented with a new set of " Principles of Gov- 
 ernment," in which " Omnipotent Truth," sanc- 
 tioned by justice iviihout coercion^ is to regulate so- 
 ciety according to a 7ie'iv order of things^ and intro- 
 duce a political millcnium. When this happy jera 
 commences, every man in every action, will consult 
 at once his own happiness, the happiness of his 
 neighbours, of the world of mankind, and the pre- 
 sent and future good of the universe. Here our 
 modern philosopher is placed in a situation a miliion 
 times as puzzling as that of the schoolman's ass be- 
 tween two equally attractive staciis of hay ; for if 
 he moves but his little finger in any way not con- 
 ducive to the introduction of universal felicity, the 
 whole of Mr. GodwinlP^fine fabric is annihilated* 
 
 * Book II. chap. iv. p. 133, \ Book IL chap. v. 
 
 
ILLUMINISM. 7j 
 
 Vile propagands in every city 
 
 Make smooth the path of French banditti, 
 
 The next thing worthy of notice in the course of 
 this gentleman's destructive career, is an attack 
 upon the Obligation of Promises.* In this he 
 would have a philosopher be the opposite to the 
 just man, described by Dr. Watts, who, 
 
 •' ThcBgh to his own hurt he swears. 
 Still he performs his word ;'* 
 
 And because it is lawful to take, in some cases, 
 what is not our own, to satisfy hunger, he argues 
 thus ; 
 
 '' The adherence to promises, therefore, as well 
 as their employment, in the first instance, must be 
 decided by the general criterion, and maintained 
 only so Jar as u/ion a comfire/iensive view it shall be 
 found productive of a balance of kapjiiness.'' 
 
 Here it is to be observed, that the firomissor is to 
 be the Judge, in his own case, how far the observ- 
 ance of his promise may be " Productive of a bal- 
 ance of happiness." And with regard to the facility 
 with which an honest man, making a promise, may 
 deceive himself respecting this ^'balance of happi- 
 ness," we would refer our reader to the passage al- 
 ready quoted from book II. chap. iv. p. 133. 
 
 Our scheming politician is not contented with 
 
 having i^tiade an end of promises, but in his second 
 
 volume, Oaths of Office, are declared not only 
 
 useless, but execrable. But I fear I shall trespass 
 
 • Book II. chap. iji. 
 
rs ILLUMINISM. 
 
 And jacobin illiimin'd savages 
 Prelude fell French fraternal ravages. 
 
 on the patience of my reader, by pursuing this 
 visionary writer through the mazes of his " vain 
 philosophy." I shall therefore take leave of Mr. 
 Godwin, with a quotation or two; and, 1st, from 
 his own book, exemplifying the means by which 
 Mr. Godwin would be m illing to obtain his fierfec- 
 tion ; and, 2ndly, from the " Pursuira of Literature,'* 
 expressing the apprehensions which that great 
 writer, in common with all men of science and re- 
 flection, have felt from the effects of such poison- 
 ous principles. 
 
 " Perhaps no important revolution was ever blood- 
 less. It may be useful in this place to recollect in 
 what the^nischief of shedding blood consists. The 
 abuses which at present exist in all political socie- 
 ties, are so enormous, the oppressions which are 
 exercised so Intolerable, the ignorance and vice 
 ihey entail so dreadful, that possibly a dispassionate 
 enquirer might decide, that, if their annihilation 
 could be purchased by an instant sweeping of every 
 human being now arrived at years of maturity, from 
 the face of the earth, the purchase would not be too 
 dear. It is not because human life is of so conside- 
 rable value, that we ought to recoil from the shed- 
 ding of blood. Death is in itself among the slight- 
 est of human evils. An earthquake, which should 
 swallow up a hundred thousand individuals at once, 
 would chiefly be to be regretted for the anguish it 
 
ILLUMINISM. 7T 
 
 Kings, nobles, priests, besotted elves 
 Stiaiii^eiy combin'd against themselves, " 
 
 entailed upon survivois ; in a fair estimate of those 
 it had destroyed, it would often be comparatively a 
 trivial event.'* 
 
 In this sentence we have Illuminism completely 
 unmasked. This was the principle, which actuated 
 the blood-thirsty tygcrs of the French revolution. 
 
 I cannot better conclude my remarks on this work, 
 than by quoting from the Pursuits of Literature, a 
 passage, which evinces the apprehensions which 
 the author of that poem entertained from the pre- 
 valence of these and similar tenets of modern phi- 
 losophy. 
 
 '* My conviction and my fears on this most awful 
 subject (while it may yet avail us to consider) some- 
 times overpower me, till I absolutely si#k under 
 them.'* 
 
 I have heard it asserted that Godwin has retracted 
 some of the tenets advanced in this horrid produc- 
 tion. But the recantation, if such exists, has not 
 been made sufficiently public to s^rve as an antidote 
 to the poison contained in the principles, and our 
 American democrats still pretend to admire the 
 destructive sophisms with which that work abounds. 
 
 ** They were like our St. Tam. Society. 
 
 There is a society established in New- York, call- 
 ed the St. Tammany Society, who personate tne 
 aboriginal savages very successiuliy in our opinion, 
 u 2 
 
78 ILI.UIVIINISM. 
 
 Oppos'd with blind infuriate zeal 
 There own as well as publick weal. 
 
 But scarce the bard, in half a century, 
 Could mark the progress of this gentry, 
 Nor trace illuminated guilt ^ 
 Through seas of blood by madmen spilt. 
 
 But well the reader knows, I fancy, 
 How freedom ala??iode de Francois 
 Was f orc'dto choose for her protector 
 The Corsic despot to perfect her ; 
 
 Surrendered all her harlot charms 
 To murderer Buonaparte's arms, 
 And now is doubtless safe enough, in 
 The cl^jLches of that ragamuffin. *® 
 
 ** Strangely combin'd against themselves. 
 
 Among the sovereigns who were wheedled into 
 the plans of the conspirators, were Joseph II. Em- 
 peror of Germany, Caiherine II. Empress of Rus- 
 sia, Christiern VII. King of Denmark, Gustavus III. 
 King of Sweden, and Poniatowskj, King of Poland, 
 together with princes and princesses too numerous 
 in tliis place to mention. 
 
 56 The clutches of that ragamuffin. 
 
 . Among the many astonishing instances of tht 
 
ILLUMINISIM. 1<J 
 
 When first the boding storm began 
 To threaten civil, social man, 
 
 wilful, or stupid blindness of the party, who arro- 
 gate to themselves the appellation of republicans, 
 may be included their persevering eulogies of Bona- 
 parte, long after the mask of republicanism was 
 thrown off by that usurper. Notwith^itanding well 
 authenticated accounts were received in America, 
 of the infernal means by which he was accomplish- 
 ing the end of enslaving that country, still he re- 
 mained the subject of democratic demi- adoration. 
 But our limits will not allow us, in this place, to 
 give a full length portrait of the refmblicaii Emperor 
 of the Gauls. A few sentences from an English 
 publication* the conductors of which, we know, 
 will not give currency to a falsehood, shall sijiffice. 
 " Trace this man of blood, from his first entrance 
 on his revolutionary career, to the present moment, 
 (July, 1803.) Behold him, after contributing to 
 the murder of that sovereign, to whose liberality 
 he had been indebted for his education and support, 
 acting a conspicuous part with his friend, the late 
 minister of police, Fouche, as an agent of the Na- 
 tional Convention at Toulon, where, after its evacu- 
 ation by the English, he superintended the massacre 
 of the loyalists ; then follow him to Paris, see him 
 placed by Biirras, at the head of the conventional 
 army, and murdering seven thousand of the citizens 
 of the metropolis, for daring to exercise a consti- 
 tutional right, by the election of their own repre- 
 
t» ILLUMINISM. 
 
 When vials of Illumination 
 
 Were pour'd abroad on every nation. 
 
 sentatives ; next observe him, accepting;, as a re- 
 ward for this sanguinary act, from the contempla- 
 tion of which every honest mind revolts with hor- 
 ror, the hand of the mistress oi Barras, with the 
 command of a banditti, destined to overrun the fer- 
 tile plains of Lombardy ; view him in his destruc- 
 tive progress, dealing death and desolation around, 
 and involving, in one mass of complicated ruin, the 
 prince and the peasant, the young and the old, the 
 woman and the child ; mark his conduct during his 
 progress at the village of Tenasco, where one of 
 his soldiery, instigated by brutal lust, (in the un- 
 restrained gratification of which his troops were, 
 and;^iill are^ systematically indulged) entered 
 the cottage of a peasant, and attempted to violate 
 his daughter, scarcely arrived to years of maturity, 
 the resentment of which by the father, produced a 
 scuffle, which ended in the death of the military 
 
 ruffian see Bonaparte, whose head-quarters were 
 
 near by, revenge this deed of justiccy by ordering 
 the whole village of Tenasco to be reduced to 
 ashes, and its innocent, unprotected inhabitants, 
 to be put to death without distinction of age or sex, 
 an order, which was instantaneously and most mer- 
 cilessly obeyed pursue this monster in human 
 
 shape to the shores of Egypt ; there hear him public- 
 ly renounce his Redeemer, reject the proffered sal- 
 vation of his God, order the wanton massacre of 
 
ILLUMINISjVL «i 
 
 Great Britain felt the fated shock, 
 But Pitt was her salvation's rock, 
 
 thousands of the helpless people of Alexandria, 
 merely to strike terror into their countrymefi..., 
 then trace him to Jaffa, to the cold-blooded mur- 
 der of 3,800 captured Turks ; follow him in his 
 disgraceful retreat, -when driven by British valour 
 from the walls of Acre, and observe , him calmly 
 directing the poisoned bowl to be administered to 
 five hundred and eighty of his sick soldiers," kc. 
 
 Hence we see a short sketch of the character of 
 the man, whom our democrats have ever idolized ; 
 and to similar scenes would unrestrained democracy 
 lead, in this or any other country. It is in vain for 
 the favourers of Frenchmen and French measures, 
 in this country, to deny the existence of the facts 
 here disclosed. They have been repeatedly pub- 
 lished, both in England and America, and never 
 contradicted by the friends and admirers of the 
 gemdn e-repubWcani who is now king of the Gauls. 
 
 Since writing the above I have perused a tract 
 entitled Bonaparte and the French people, written 
 with considerable ability by a German, resident in 
 France. This work contains many proofs of the 
 despicable despotism to which the French nation 
 is now reduced under the domineration of the Cor- 
 sican usurper. Splendor without magnificence, luxu- 
 ry withouttaste, caprice, suspicion and cruelty beyon^ 
 example, characterize the court of the mimic emperor. 
 A cotemporary wiiterj says the author has well ob- 
 
82 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 Like Calpe's mound amid the waves 
 He stems the tide, his country saves. *^ 
 
 He sees the aims, and thwarts the plans 
 Of democratic partizans, 
 Breaks down nefarious coalitions 
 Of self-created politicians. 
 
 Novv^ every man of sense agrees 
 That democrats, Illuminees, 
 
 served : " Thus every thing has returned, after an 
 unfortunate round-about way, to the very point from 
 which it set out ; yet with this difference, that in 
 former times an opposition of the independent 
 states and bodies, might be shewn to the royal plea- 
 sure." 
 
 ^'' He stems the tide, his country saves. 
 
 Mr. Pitt in early life was somewhat led astray, 
 as young men most frequently are, by the illusory 
 phantoms of democratic liberty and equality. Time 
 and experience, however, corrected his error, and 
 perhaps it was owing chiefly to his exertions, that 
 the revolutionary phrenzy did not take effect in Eng- 
 land, and lead to enormities, similar to those, which, 
 in "France, surpassed every thing heretofore record- 
 ed in history. 
 
ILLUMINISM. 83 
 
 Are birds obscene, and of a feather, 
 Should therefore all be ciass'd together. 
 
 They all object to the propriety 
 OF law and order in society, 
 Tfiink reason will supply restraints, 
 And make mankind a set of saints." 
 
 ** And make mankind a set of saints. 
 
 Such is the sla7ig of the faction from felon Bur- 
 roughs to philosopher The former of 
 
 these democrats, who appears as highly to appreci- 
 ate, and as fully to understand the true principles 
 of fieedom as the latter, speakin.:^ of the cruelty of 
 establishing jails in a free country^ says : '■ How is 
 this, says I to myself, that a country, which has 
 stood foremost in asserting the cause of liberty, 
 that those who have tasted in some measure, the 
 bitter cup of slavery, should, so soon after obtain- 
 ing that blessing themselves, deprive others of it? 
 p. 126. Again, speaking of another democratic gentle- 
 man^ imprisoned for theft, he informs us that, 
 " This man, by mistake having taken some cattle 
 not his own, and appropriated them to his own use, 
 sonie people were so itnjiolite as to charge him witl) 
 theft.'' p. 130. Assisting another to break jail, he 
 observes, *' Truly, said I, this conduct has been 
 guided by the firinciples of fihihsofihy;' p. 131, 
 When confined at the castle in Boston harbour, he 
 
S4 ILLUMINISM. 
 
 These principles excite to action 
 The restless Pennsylvania faction, 
 While tertium quids oppose in vain, 
 The daring demagogue Duane.** 
 
 reselved to rise on the garrison, and blow up the 
 magazine, he remarks, '* Such were the outlines of 
 my plan ; I determined to make one powerful effort 
 to carry it into execution ; either to lose my life in 
 the cause oS. liberty^ or else gain a glorious freedom." 
 Here is genuine republicanism of the true Aurora 
 Istamp. Duane himself could go but little farther 
 in the theory and practice of his wild-Irish sort of 
 liberty. 
 
 *9 The daring demagogue Duane. 
 
 The " lamentable comedy," acting on the politi- 
 cal theatre of Pennsylvania, although at present it 
 seems replete with "marvellous pleasant mirth," willj 
 it is to be feared, terminate with a most tragical 
 catastrophe. Were it otherwise, it would be not 
 a little amusing to be a looker on the struggle be- 
 tween the Duanites and the Dallasites, alias the 
 ^^ genuine rctiuhlicans^'^ Rnd the tertiu7n quids. These 
 things would be comical enough, were it not that j 
 the foundations of society are thereby shaken to ' 
 their centre, and were it not probable that this 
 earthquake of faction will ingnlph our blood-bought 
 liberties, and inhume every tiiing which can render 
 society of any value. 
 
ILLUMINISM. 85 
 
 Such principles, alas, will flood 
 Columbia's *' happy land'* with blood, 
 Unless kind Providence restrain 
 These demons of the hurricane. 
 
CANTO III. 
 
 iMobGcracp. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 I sing French freedom wafted o*cr 
 From frantic Gallia's blood-stain'd shore, 
 And how th' accursed wild-fire found 
 •• Asylum" in Columbian ground ; 
 How honest yeomen, bold and rough. 
 For lack of lit)erty enough, 
 Se duc'd by bold, ambitious bad men, 
 Behav'd, Im loth to toy, like mad men ; 
 And form'd democracy'sinflections. 
 In Shays' and whiskey-insurrections.... 
 With other matters you'll discover. 
 Good reader, when you've read them over. 
 
 When democrats, from public papers, 
 Learn'd how the French were cutting capers, 
 The}^ lost the little wits they had, 
 And were, poo?^ things^ completely mad ; 
 
 -Good reader, though it may embarrass one, 
 We'll conjure up some bright comparison, 
 Somewhat to liken to the revels 
 Of democratic demi-devils : 
 
88 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Such as were held in celebration 
 Of crimes of our good sister nation, 
 To gratulate vile sans cullottes 
 On cutting one anothers throats. 
 
 Pray, Sir, dids't ever stop and stare 
 At showman with a dancing bear, 
 Whipping dull bruin round a stake, or 
 Dids't ever see a shaking quaker ? 
 
 Or New lights dancing pious jigs, 
 Spinning like tops, their dismal rigs, 
 On one heel whirling, spirit-driven, 
 A precious way to go to heaven ? 
 
 Dids't ever hear a story which is 
 Most horrible! about the witches! 
 Bedevil'd ! (so they say) in Salem,®* 
 And what the devil else could ail 'era? 
 
 •® Bedevil'd (so they say) in Salem. 
 
 We do not wish to be satirical in our remarks 
 on the once famous Salem witchcrafts. Hutchin- 
 son says that " The great noise, which the New- 
 England witchcraft made throughout the English 
 flominions proceeded more from the general panick, 
 
MOBOCRACY. «» 
 
 Dids't ever hear of heathen gods, 
 Who, drunk with nectar, fell at odds, 
 Broke a crown's worth of good glass bottles. 
 And would have cut each others throttles. 
 
 Had not the good old blacksmith Vulcan 
 Appcas'd the riot with a full can, 
 Made them shake hands both whig and tory 
 As Gaffer Homer tells the story ? 
 
 Hast read in Ovid's Metamorphoses 
 What a most sorry scrape was Orpheus's 
 
 with which all sorts of persons were seized, and an 
 expectation that the contagion would spread to all 
 parts of the country, than from the number of per- 
 sons who were executed ; more having been put to 
 death in a single county in England, in a short 
 space of time, than have suffered in all New-Eng- 
 land." Hutch. His. Massachusetts^ vol. ii. p. 15. 
 
 But the allusion is opposite to our subject in a 
 philosophical as well as poetical point of view. It 
 shews how liable mankind are to be seized with men- 
 tal efiidemicks and to ru7i mad in concert. The crus- 
 ade mania, the witchcraft mania, but worst of all 
 the Gallic-democratic-Tom-Pain mania have been 
 terrible diseases, and the last mtrntioned in particu- 
 lar much more destructive in its consequences thuii 
 the yellow fever or even the plague itself. 
 i2 
 
90 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 When tipsey hags, with other matters 
 Tore the old fiddler all to tatters ?" 
 
 Dost know how Hercules once behav'd, 
 Ranted and rended, roar'd and rav'd,®* 
 What time his wife, a jealous flirt, 
 Sent him her sweet-heart's brimstone shirt ? 
 
 61 Tore the old fidler all to tatters. 
 
 The conduct of the female Bacchantes, who de^ 
 molished the Thracian band (see Ovid's Metamor- 
 phoses, Lib. xi- Fab. i.) has been far exceeded by 
 the French Revolutionary female fiends at Paris. 
 Mad with jacobmic fury, the beautiful, the tender 
 sex v/ith the most savage fury actually gnawed the 
 amputated limbs of their wretched countrymen, 
 whom the mob had butchered in the cause of li- 
 berty and equality. Such is the spirit of democ- 
 racy. Even the fair sex without the restraints of 
 religion and government, become more ferocious 
 than tigers, and man the most savage animal in ex- 
 istence. 
 
 « Ranted and rended, roar'd and rav'd. 
 
 Dum fiotuit solita geirdtuin virtute refircssit^ 
 Victa malis postquam patientia refiul't aras y 
 Im/ileviique suis nemerosum vocibus Oete7i, 
 
 Ovid, Met, Lib, ix. Fab, 5. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 91 
 
 What riot erst had been in hell 
 About the time that Adam fell, 
 If democrats, (so Milton makes 
 It plain) had not been turn'd to snakes?®^ 
 
 *3 had not been turn'd to snakes. 
 
 The reception which the arch democrat met with 
 ©n his return from that expedition which brought 
 " death into the world," and his Metempsychosis 
 on that occasion are thus described by the first of 
 poets. 
 
 " So having said, a while he stood expecting 
 
 " Their universal shout, and high applause, 
 
 " To fill his ear, when contrary he hears 
 
 " On all sides from innumerable tongues, 
 
 " A dismal universal hiss, the sound 
 
 ♦' Of public scorn ; he wonder'd, but not long 
 
 " Had leisure, wondering at himself now more ; 
 
 " His vissage drawn he felt to sharp and spare, 
 
 " His arms clung to his* ribs, his legs intwining 
 
 " Each other till supplanted down he fell 
 
 " A monstrous serpent, on his belly prone, 
 
 ** Reluctant, but in vain, a greater power 
 
 " Now rul'd him, punish'd in the shape he sinn'd, 
 
 •' According to his doom : he would have spoke 
 
 " But hiss for hiss return'd with forked tongue 
 
 " To forked tongue, for now were all transform'd 
 
 " Alike to serpents, all as accessaries 
 
 *' To this bold riot. 
 
»2 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Dids't ever know on fourth of July 
 With many a " d....n your eyes /" and 
 Vile Irishmen, in bloody fray [_''you lie /'' 
 Honor our Independence day ?** 
 
 That these serpents were democrats is plain, first 
 from the testimony of Butler, who says, 
 
 *' The devil was the first of the name 
 From whom the race of rebels came, 
 Who was the first bold undertaker 
 Of bearing arms against his maker." 
 
 Butler's, Misc, Thoughts. 
 
 Secondly, we have the declaration of democrats 
 vs. democrats, to be found in a semi-weekly election- 
 eering handbill printed in New-York, entitled "The 
 Corrector," in which the Burrites, good democrats^ 
 have drawn the Clintonians, likewise 5-000? democra.s, 
 as large as life and hung them up in what they 
 very properly called '^ The Pandemonian Galle- 
 ry." Some however, have very plausibly maintain* 
 ed that, although these paintings may be correct 
 cofiies of the originals who appear to have sat for 
 their pictures, yet in comparing them to the devils 
 of Milton, tliey have caricatured the latter beyond 
 all comparison. 
 
 •* Honor our Independence day. 
 
 The 4th of July J 805, was celebrated in a " gen- 
 
MOBOCRACY. gs 
 
 All these thou knows't, but not a scrape 
 Among them all, in any shape, 
 Could equal ox-head celebration 
 In honor of the frantic nation.** 
 
 nine refiublican^^ stile by a number of the jolly sons 
 of St. Patrick, collected for that purpose on the 
 Battery in New- York. These brawny democrats 
 undertook, by fiugilistical demonstration to make it 
 evident that fresh imported Irishmen were the only 
 real American soldiers^ and ^^ genuine'* patriots of 
 seventy-six. Those who had the hardihood to dis- 
 sent from this doctrine were sure to be knocked 
 down in a very convincing manner. These Hiber- 
 nian logicians, finding however that there were tnoo 
 sides to the question even as they argued it, were 
 at length obliged to yield to the more impressive 
 reasons of their opponents assisted by the ultima 
 ratio of the city police. On this great occasion the 
 Declaration of Independence was with singular pro- 
 priety read by an Irishman who had been lately 
 imported. 
 
 ^^ In honor of the frantic nation. 
 
 The following account of a fete of the Boston de- 
 mocratic party, we extract from " Remarks on the 
 Jacobiniad," an extremely well written publication, 
 which appeared in Boston at the time that Americans 
 were running into some of the French revolutionary 
 excesses. 
 
94 MOBOCRACY 
 
 Now demos gave their feelings vent 
 In all parts of the continent, 
 
 "Though the adventures of the ox's head are 
 well known in this metropolis, a short account of 
 them may not prove unacceptable to such as have 
 not the happiness of being our fellow citizens. 
 We beg leave then to inform them, that on the re- 
 treat of the Duke of Brunswick, and the successes 
 of our Gallic friends under Dumourier, a Civic 
 Feast was given in honor of these illustrious events. 
 The subscription was liberal ; a handsome enter- 
 tainment was provided for the lovers of equality, in 
 Faneuil Hall, whilst their " Majesties the Mob," 
 were regaled with an ox roasted whole in the street. 
 The supposition, that more than 3000 persons of all 
 ages, sexes and descriptions, would quietly set down 
 and wait till they were helped, was benevolent in 
 the extreme : but their majesties very uncivilly 
 disappointed the expectations of their patrons ; for, 
 unrestrained by the ties of gratitude, for the money 
 expended for their amusement, they destroyed the 
 benches provided for their accommodation, tore the 
 poor ox piece-meal, broke the plates, and scattered 
 the mingled fragments of beef and earthern ware in 
 every direction, to the destruction of the neighbour- 
 ing windows, and to the great annoyance of dogs, 
 women, children, selectmen, Sec who were inactive 
 spectators of this very interesting scene. The head 
 of the animal was then fixed, in grinning majesty, 
 on the pole of Liberty, and consecrated to that 
 
MOBOCRACY. S5 
 
 And were as ** brisk as bottled ale" 
 Or dog with shingle tied to's tail. 
 
 But time would fail to set forth now how 
 Full many a democratic pow wow. 
 Was held in bawling exultation 
 For crimes of our dear sister nation. 
 
 Nothing would suit the rogues beside 
 Your madcap freedom Frenchified, 
 
 goddess, amidst the thunder of a tremendous swi^ 
 vei. In this state it remained until the fate of the 
 unfortunate Louis was announced, when it was seen 
 in mourning for that melancholy event. This was 
 conceived very dangerous to the French cause by 
 some political fanatics, and the head was in con- 
 sequence, ignominiously stripped of its " suit of 
 solemn black." In revenge for this insult, those 
 who had furriished the t ourning, levelled the sa- 
 cred tree of Liberty to the ground, and with it fell 
 the innocent cause of the contest. The pole was 
 put up and down. ...and up again.. ..to the no small 
 amusement of all unconcerned ; whilst the head, 
 if we are rightly informed, being found, on examin- 
 ation of Jacobinical strength and capaciousness, was 
 converted into a punch -bowl, (the two horns serving 
 admirably for handles) and is now used as the re- 
 ceptacle of grog and flip, by the Democratic Soci- 
 ety, in this our enlightened metropolis." 
 
96 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Of which they vow'd t' import a cargo, 
 Though Washington had laid embargo. 
 
 And though 'twas shrewdly urg'd by some 
 That we had liberty at home, 
 Which like our Chief's religious stuff, 
 If not the best was '' good enough, "^^ 
 
 Still demo's swore to have the frantic 
 Kind manufactur'd o'er the Atlantic, 
 Such as our secretary well knows 
 Suits whiskey-insurrection fellows.*^ 
 
 Thus nothing pleases bo7i ton ladies, 
 AVhich is their native country made is 
 
 *^ If not the best, was " good enough." 
 
 " Religion is well supported/' (to wit, in Pennsyl- 
 vania and New-York) " of various kinds indeed, but 
 all good enough." 
 
 Motes on Virginia, p. 221. Bost. edit. 18mo. 
 
 ^^ Suits whiskey-insurrection fellows. 
 
 One among the many wonders which democracy 
 has achieved in favour of the liberties of the people, 
 has been, to elevate to high and responsible situa- 
 
xMOBOCRACY. 97 
 
 But let a thing be e'er so frightlul, 
 
 Dear bought and farfttch'd, His delightful. 
 
 Next we were punish'd for our sins 
 With ckibs of crazy jacobins, 
 Who, with pure freedom to content us, 
 Tliemsdves appoint to represent us/^ 
 
 Now certain causes most untoward 
 Prepared the people to be froward, 
 
 tions, certain convicts, most generally foreigners. 
 The part which Mr. Gallatin took in the Pittsburgh 
 insurrection, which cost the United States a million 
 of dollars, is well known, and it is probable that his 
 present elevation, is a reward for his patriotic ser- 
 vices on that occasion. But more of this gentle- 
 man hereafter. 
 
 6« Themselves appoint to represent us. 
 
 It is impossible to imagine a greater burlesque 
 on the idea of a representative republic than the 
 farcical conduct of our democratic societies, who 
 by virtue of no authority whatever^ except that of 
 their own good will and pleasure, seated themselves 
 in the magisterial chair, assumed tlie appellation of 
 " We the fieojilc,'' and had the impudence to dictate 
 and control the atlairs of our national govern menr. 
 
98 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 FormVl many plausible excuses 
 For mobocratlcal abuses. 
 
 But should I make in metre gi'igle 
 Those causes operant all and single, 
 Which rais'd 'gainst government a few setts 
 Of Pittsburgh rogues, and Massachusetts, 
 
 The reader might compare with mine 
 Old Biackmoore's everlasting line,*' 
 I'll therefore hint and glance along 
 Nor call a muse to aid my song. 
 
 But I'll purloin a little.... why not? 
 From classic history of Minot, 
 For theft can need no other plea 
 Than this, Our governmeiit is free ! 
 
 Our demo's steal each others trash, 
 While Coleman plies in vain the lash,'^ 
 
 o» Old Biackmoore's everlasting line. 
 
 And Edwin eke out Biackmoore's endless line. 
 
 70 While Coleman plies in vain the lash. 
 
 We allude here to the practice of our good de- 
 mocratic managers of newspapers, who by virtue 
 
MOBOCRACY. 99 
 
 And prithee, therefore, why can I not 
 Steal my Mobocracy from Minot ? 
 
 Fas est ab hosle el doceri. 
 
 If that be true why then 'tis clear I.... 
 
 But gentle, reader, have you read it ! 
 
 *' Yes". ...then 1*11 give my author credit.^^ 
 
 of what Cheetham calls, '• the arts of able editors/' 
 publish matter as original which they have stolen 
 from some other paper. This trick has been ex- 
 posed by the editor of the New-York Evening Post, 
 whose exertions in bringing to light the scoundrcl- 
 ism of the faction, entitle him to the gratitude of 
 every friend to the prosperity of his country. 
 
 ^^ Then I'll give my author credit. 
 
 The nature and operation of the causes, which 
 led to the rebellion ia Massachusetts, are explaineJ 
 in a lucid and masterly manner, in the history of 
 George Richards Minot ; the style of which might 
 rank its author as the Sallust of America. Accord- 
 ing to that writer, the commonwealth of Massachu- 
 setts was in debt, upwards of 1,350,000/. private state 
 debt, exclusive of the federal debt, which amounted 
 to above one million and an half of the same mo- 
 ney. And in addition to that, every town was em- 
 barrassed by advances they had made to comply 
 with repeated requisitions for men and supplies t« 
 
loa MOBOCRACY. 
 
 And then proceed in rhyme and prosing, 
 Nor mind if you're awake or dosing, 
 
 support the army, and which had been done upon 
 their own particular credit. The people, he informs 
 us, " had been laudably employed, during the nine 
 years in which this debt had been accumulating, in 
 the defence of their liberties ; but though their con- 
 test had instructed them in the nobler science of 
 .the rights of mankind yet it gave them no propor- 
 tionable insight into the mazes of finance. Their 
 honest prejudices were averse to duties of impost 
 and excise, which were at thai time supposed to be 
 anti-republican, by many judicious and influential 
 characters. 
 
 '' The consequences of the public debt did not at 
 first appear among the citizens at large. The bulk 
 of mankind are too much engaged in private concerns^ 
 to aniidfiate the operation of national causes. The 
 men of landed interest, soon began to speak plainly 
 against trade, as the source of luxury, and the cause 
 of losing the circulating medium/' &c. 
 
 " Commercial men, on the other hand, defended 
 themselves by insisting that the fault was only in 
 the regulations which the trade happened to be un- 
 der" Sec. 
 
 The writer then proceeds to point out other 
 causes wliich contributed to lead the people astray ; 
 and his history exhibits abundant proof, that the 
 people at large are not always correct j?jdges of 
 what political measures may best subserye their 
 own prosperity. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 101 
 
 111 -i^-nr^le, hinesTiri, '.nanner shewing 
 Wiiac set Mubocracy a going. 
 
 W len our wig champions fain would hit o» 
 Succe^ibful modes for thwarting Britain, 
 Our leaders thought that they were right in 
 Whatever kindled ire for fighting. 
 
 T > paint the ills, which povvci- attend 
 Oar men of mind their talents lend, 
 But overlook the great propriety 
 Oi power IQ guaranty society .^^ 
 
 7« Oi flower to guaranty society. 
 
 The jealousy of republicans against dclcg-ating 
 power, has most generally been the cause of their 
 destruction. No community can long subsist with- 
 out authority to coerce and punish ; but such au- 
 thority ought to be marked by legal and well defin- 
 ed boundaries, and entrusted to such men only as 
 have their characters established for mCegrity as 
 well as abilities. The only method which can be 
 devised to prevent the assumfitiQtii by unprincipled 
 men, of that fioiver, which is tyranny in effect, what- 
 ever may be its name ©r disguise, is to delegate 
 legal flower without too much jealousy or reserve, 
 o men, who will be a *' terror to evil doers." 
 K 2 
 
102 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Hence, brave men who our battles fought, 
 Did not distingaish as they ought 
 The odds existing in a high sense 
 ^Twixt Liberty and boundless license. 
 
 And when they found our chiefs intent 
 On building up a government, 
 And that one of its consequences 
 Would be some national expenses/^ 
 
 ^^ Would be some national expenses. 
 
 There is nothing in which our democratic politi- 
 cians are more profoundly absurd, than in their esti- 
 mates of national economy. The penny-saving max- 
 ims of Dr. Franklin, injudiciously applied to aifairs 
 of national magnitude, are of very mischievous ten- 
 dency. Money paid for public purposes, which is 
 expended among the inhabitants of a country, does 
 not impoverish such inhabitants. It is paid by the 
 people to the government, and by the government 
 distributed among the people. If it be so distri- 
 buted as to be a reward to merit, and give a pro- 
 per tone to industry, there is little danger of being 
 too lavish. The whole body politic becomes invig- 
 orated by its circulation ; the farmer and the me- 
 chanic finding a ready sale for their commodities, 
 are stimulated to that industry which constitutes 
 the real wealth of a nation. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 103 
 
 Our honest clever country folks 
 Did not well relish such dry jokes, 
 But many a moody murmur mutter'd, 
 And words to this effect were utter'd : 
 
 ** We thought that when the war was over 
 *^ Americans would live in clover, 
 ** That nothing then would vex and harass us, 
 *' No debts nor taxes to embarrass us. 
 
 ** We've fought a long and bloody war, 
 ** But what have we been fighting for, [ing 
 ** If king George thrown off, we are load- 
 ** Our backs with weight of one king Bow- 
 doin, 
 
 ** What, shall we sell our hoes and axes, 
 *' For paying arbitrary taxes? 
 ** No.. ..and for rulers, we don't need 'em 
 " In this good land of perfect freedom. 
 
 " With all our toil, and all our blood, 
 ** One tyrant makes another good, 
 ** Our boasted freedom is a sham, 
 '* Not worth a single whisky dram. 
 
 Such sentiments had long been brewing, 
 And boded nothing less than ruin 
 
104 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 To our still weak confederation, 
 Too novel for consolidation. 
 
 Thus stifF-neck'd Israelites of old 
 Were fro ward, insolent and bold, 
 With other jacobin procedures 
 Full oft rebell'd against their leaders. 
 
 Now fann'd by Gallatins and Shayses, 
 The fire of civil discord blazes, 
 And breaks out in a vile rebellion, 
 Yea, two or three, which I might tell ye on. 
 
 But scampering off from Petersham 
 Without their wonted morningdram, [der'd, 
 Their courage cool'd....the rogues surren- 
 On easy terms, in mercy tender 'd. 
 
 Though rebels, under Shays and Gallatin, 
 Received from government a malleting, 
 And social harmony seem'd ratified, 
 Too many still remained dissatisfied. 
 
 The mouldering flame in secret burn'd, 
 When Jefferson from France returned, 
 
MOBOCRACY. 105 
 
 To aid the Factions' frantic schemes, 
 With fresh illuminated dreams.^^ 
 
 ^'* With fresh illuminated dreams. 
 
 We have it from good authority that Mr. Jeffer- 
 son actually became initiated, while in Paris, into 
 the mysteries of Illuminism, and his writings and 
 conduct, since his embassy to France, display ** in- 
 ternal evidence" of his being infected with the poi- 
 son of illuminated principles. '' Condorcet, like- 
 wise (a well known Illuminatus) was a particular 
 friend of our American philosopher."* His advo- 
 cates, who would maintain that he imbibed no new 
 principlesin France, which smack of Illuminism, 
 must be under the necessity of affirming, that hones- 
 ty never was the policy of a certain great man.... that 
 he never did scruple about the means^ provided the 
 end could be obtained. His advice to Congress, re- 
 specting the transfer of the debt due to France, to a 
 company of Hollanders, is a proof in point. In 
 staling this, I shall have recourse to the pamphlet 
 of Mr. Smith, referred to above. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson, says that writer, after mentioning 
 an offer which had been made by a company of Hol- 
 landers, for the purchase of the debt, concludes 
 with these extraordinary expressions : 
 
 " If there is a danger of the public payments not 
 
 * See a pamfihlet^ written by William Sm-'/h -Esq. 
 9f South Carolina^ with the signature of' Phocion. 
 
106 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 In Weishaupt's school his lesson learn'd 
 He with pernicious ardour burn'd, 
 
 being punctual, I submit, whether it may not be 
 belter, that the discontents which would then arise, 
 should be transferred from a court, of whose good 
 will TJe have so much need, to the breasts of a firi- 
 vate company,'' 
 
 " This letter was the subject of a report from the 
 Board of Treasury, in February, i787. The board 
 treated the idea of transfer, proposed, as both un- 
 just and IMPOLITIC ; unjust, because the nation 
 would contract an engagement, which there was no 
 well grounded prospect of fulfilling ; hnfiolitic, be- 
 cause a failure in the payment of interest on this 
 debt transferred (which was inevitable) would justly 
 blast all hopes of credit with the citizens of the 
 United Netherlands, in future pressing exigencies 
 of the union ; and the Board gave it as their opin- 
 ion, that it would be advisable for Congress, with- 
 out delay, to instruct their minister at the court of 
 France, to forbear giving his sanction to any. such 
 transfer. 
 
 " Congress, agreeing in the ideas of the Board, 
 caused an instruction to that effect to be sent to Mr. 
 Jefferson. Here there was a solemn act of govern- 
 ment, condetnning the firincifile as unjust and imfiolitic. 
 ** If the sentiment contained in the extract which 
 has been recited, can be vindicated from political 
 profligacy, then is it necessary to unlearn all the an- 
 cient notions of justice, and to substitute some new 
 fashioned scheme of morality in their stead. 
 
MOBOCRACY. iGr 
 
 To introduce his tvhims kali lies, 
 And make them in our land realities. 
 
 *' Here is no complicated problem, which aofihis- 
 try may entangle or obscure ; liere is a plain ques- 
 tion of moral feeling* A government is encourag- 
 ed on the express condition of not having a firospect of 
 m vking a due provision for a debt which it owes \ 
 to concur in a transfer of ihat debt from a nation^ nvell 
 abie to bear the inconveniences of a failure or de- 
 lay, to the individuals^ whose total ruin might have 
 been the consequence of it ; and that, upon the in- 
 terested consideration of having need of the good 
 will of the creditor nation, and with the dishonor- 
 uble motive, as is clearly implied of having more to 
 apprehend from the discontents of that nation, than 
 from those of disappointed and betrayed individuals ? 
 Let every honest and impartial mind- consuitmg its 
 own spontaneous emotions, pronounce for itself 
 upon the rectitude of such a suggestion. 
 
 '* An effort, scarcely plausible, has been hereto- 
 fore made by the partizans of Mr. Jefferson, to ex- 
 pl in away the turpitude of this advice.* I' was re- 
 presented, that " A company of adventu'ing specu- 
 lators, had offered to purchase the debt at a discount, 
 foreseeing the delay of payment, calculating the 
 probable loss, and willing to encounter the hazard." 
 But the terms employed by Mr. Jeffeison, refute 
 
 * See Jefferson's attempted vindication^ in Dun- 
 fap'a Daily' Advertiser y of October y 1792. 
 
108 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Nature ne'er made a fitter man 
 To give effect to such a plan,^* 
 
 this species of apology. His words are, " If there 
 *' is a danger of the public payments not being fiunc- 
 " tual^ I submit, whether it may not be better y that 
 " tlie discontents nvhich would then arise, should be 
 " transjerred from a court, of whose good will ive 
 " have so much need, to the breasts of a firivate com- 
 " fiany," ^ 
 
 He plainly takes it for granted, that discontents 
 would arise, from the want of ah adequate provi- 
 sion, and proposes that they should be transferred 
 to the breasts of individuals. This he could not 
 have taken for granted, if, in his conception, the 
 purchasers had calculated on delay and loss. 
 
 Here Ave have the full eifulgence of Godwinism 
 bursting upon us ! It was an attempt to implicate 
 the government of America, in a sale of bad securi- 
 ties, the venders knowing them to be such. The 
 " transfer," of " discontents," which Mr, Jefferson 
 foresaw would arise from the French court, to the 
 poor Hollanders, to the probable ruin of the latter, 
 is somewhat similar in kind, \.oX\\q justice which the 
 author of Hudibras attributes to the first settlers of 
 New-England. 
 
 " Our brethren of New England use 
 Choice nialcfaciors to excuse, 
 And hang: the j^uiltless in their steady 
 Of whom the churches have less need ; 
 
MOBOCRACY. 109 
 
 Nor do I think, with ten years pother, 
 That she could hit out such another. 
 
 As lately 't happen'd : in a town 
 There liv'd a cobler, and but one, 
 That out of doctrine could cut use, 
 And mend men's lives as well as shoes, 
 This precious brother having slain 
 In time of peace an Indian, 
 (Not out of malice, but mere zeal, 
 Because he was an infidel) 
 The mighty Tottipottymoy, 
 Sent to our elders an envoy, 
 Complaining sorely of the breach 
 Of league held forth by brother Patch 
 Against the articles in force, 
 Between both churches, his and ours ; 
 For which he crav'd the saints to render 
 Into his hands or hang the offender ; 
 But they maturely having weigh'd. 
 They had no more but him o' th' trade, 
 A man that serv'd them in a double 
 Capacity, to teach and cobble, 
 Resolv'd to spare him ; yet, to do 
 The Indian Hoghan Moghan too 
 Impartial justice, in his stead, did 
 Hang an old weaver that was bed-rid !'* 
 
 :T« To give effect to such a plan. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson's pretensions to the station he 
 lolds, have been frequently scanned by men, 
 ^hose talents and opportunities have given them 
 
110 
 
 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Phlegmatic, cunning, and wrong headed 
 To visionary tenets wedded, 
 
 peculiar advantages for the hivestigaticn. The re- 
 sult has appeared to be somewhat unfavourable, un- 
 less for the purposes of the party now predomin- 
 ant, he should be thought better than a better man. 
 But the principal traits in his character, are so 
 well exhibited in the pamphlet of Mr. Smith, that 
 we are tempted again to quote, from his produc- 
 tion, the following summary of the wonderful qual- 
 ifications of our chief magistrate. 
 
 " We shall now take leave of Mr. Jefferson and 
 his pretensions, as a fihilosofiher and politician. 
 The candid and unprejudiced, who have read with 
 attention the foregoing comments on his philoso- 
 phical and political works, and on his public con- 
 duct, must now be convinced, however they may 
 hitherto have been deceived by a filausible appear- 
 ance and sfiecious talents, or misled by artful par- 
 tizans, that the reputation he has acquired is not 
 bottomed on solid m<?rzV....that his abilities have been 
 more directed to the acquirement of literary fame, 
 than to the substantial good of his country....that 
 his philosophical opinions have been capricious and 
 wavering, often warped by the most frivolous cir- 
 cumstances.. ..that in his political conduct he has 
 been timid, inconsistent, and unsteady, generally 
 favouring measures of a factious and disorganizing 
 tendency, always leaning to those which would 
 establish his popularity, however destructive of our 
 
MOBOCRACY. lU 
 
 A writer, plausible, sophistical, 
 Nev€r profound, but always mystical. 
 
 peace and tranquility.. ..that his i^litical principles 
 are sometimes whimsical and visionary, at others, 
 subversive of all ixigular and stable government.-.. 
 that his writings have betrayed a disrespect for re- 
 iigion, and his partiality for the impious Painc^ an 
 «nmity to christia7iity,,„\.'h?i.x his advice respecting 
 the Dutch company, and his open countenance of 
 an incendiary printer, and of the views of a faction, 
 manifest a want of due regard for national faith and 
 fiublic crediC.AhziX. his abhorrence of one foreign na- 
 tion, and en husiastic devotion to another .^ have ex- 
 tinguished in him every germ of real national cha- 
 racter ; and, in short, that his elevation to the pre- 
 sidency, must eventuate either in the clebaaement of 
 the American name, by a whimsical, inconsistent 
 and feeble administration, or in the prostration of 
 the United States at the feet of France^ the subver- 
 sion of our excellent constitutioii^ and the consequent 
 destruction of our present prosperity *" 
 
 Such is the character, who now presides in Amer- 
 ica, as drawn by a gentleman, who has held some of 
 the most importaiit offices in our government, and 
 such the predictions, which we fear are beginning to 
 be fulfilled in this country. The prostration of 
 the Judiciary, and the sacrifice of the greater part 
 of our navy, ar^ alarming forerunners of the fulfil- 
 ment of the prophecy. 
 
112 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Possessed of that mysterious air, 
 Which makes the gaping vulgar stare, 
 And gives the weakest men dominion, 
 Founded on popular opinion. 
 
 His native cunning to enhance, 
 He adds the dark finesse of France, 
 Reduc'd to system, by the rules 
 Of jacobin-iilumin'd schools. 
 
 Supported by the factious heads 
 
 Of ever restless anti-feds. 
 
 Rogues to true liberty a pest, 
 
 Who make her seat an hornet's nest.^' 
 
 ^6 Who make her seat an hornet's nest. 
 
 We commenced the manufacture of this our po- 
 etical production, with a dctfrininatioii, which we 
 tliink all candid critics will pronouiice not a litde 
 laudable, to deduce, so far as convenient, our poet- 
 ical and rhetorical flourishes from CV5-x\tlantic sour- 
 ces. And h^re we think that our reviewers will 
 do us the justice to acknowledge, that no poet's 
 " eye in a fine frenzy rolling" ever glanced at a 
 prettier comparison than this of a nest of those 
 irascible insects with a commonwealth infested by 
 turbulent demagogues. 
 
MOBOCRACY. li( 
 
 He begs the boon with vast humility 
 To introduce perfectibility. 
 For man, he's sure, unless we manage ill. 
 Will rise one link above the angel. 
 
 {This quack perfection still we find 
 Among the vilest of mankind 
 A favorite doctrine, sure the elves 
 Can't judge of others by themselves.) 
 
 And now the wicked faction joinM 
 
 To tamper with the public mind. 
 
 Of liberty kept such a bawling 
 
 It seem'd the rogues would take us all in. 
 
 But honest people soon behold 
 That all which glitters is not gold. 
 Discern in sticklers of mobocracy 
 A deal of scandalous hypocrisy- 
 
 That were not justice in arrears [ears,^' 
 These New school folks would lack their 
 
 ^^ These New school folks would lack their ears. 
 
 It is a truth, wTiich we think even democrats 
 themselves will not have the effrontery to deny, 
 that the leaders of their party are men whose moral 
 I. 2 
 
114 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Of course don't much admire their plan 
 For perfecting the creature man. 
 
 Our demos then with great propriety, 
 Are hooted at throughout society, 
 And many a rascally curmudgeon, 
 Is nicely bang'd with satire's bludgeon ; 
 
 Yes, many a chief whom now they boast. 
 Was tied to satire's whipping-post, 
 
 characters will not bear examination. Is it not 
 then astonishing, that Americans should trust tlieir 
 all important political interests, upon which depends 
 the enjoyment of their lives, liberty, and property, 
 to men with whom they would have no dealings in 
 their private capacity ? It is not too much to say, 
 that many men who have the management of our 
 public concerns, or are patronized and pensioned 
 editors of newspapers, are known to be alike des- 
 titute of honour and honesty. The infamous charac- 
 ter of Pasquin the right hand Chronicle man, is almost 
 proverbial in England. The political career of a 
 certain honorable duellist, has been remarkable for 
 ****, but as this gentleman is an excellent shot, and 
 in constant practice it may not be prudent to offend 
 him. We wish, however, that our readers would can- 
 didly andcoolly compare the qualifications of the fed- 
 eralists, with those of the democrats, and not give 
 
MOBOCRACY. 115 
 
 Their foremost partizans now dashing, 
 Had their deserts in many a lashing.^* 
 
 The fed-wits serv'd the scoundrel fry as 
 Of old Apollo serv'd Marsyas, 
 What time his Godship did contrive 
 To skin the whistling chap alive. 
 
 But still determin'd not to yield, 
 Though trodden down, they kept the field. 
 
 the preference to the latter, merely because they 
 ttyle themselves republicans. 
 
 ^' Had their deserts in many a lashing. 
 
 It is notorious that the family of wit have ever 
 been federalists. Most of the " half formed wit- 
 lings," who have occasionally dashed in democratic 
 newspapers, like your Cheethams and your Pas- 
 quins, are beings beneath notice in a literary point 
 of view. 
 
 Apollo views, with honest pride 
 His favourites all on federal side. 
 
 Hence these poor creatures have generally pas- 
 sively submitted to the Federal lash, and pretehded 
 to dt spi'^e their opponants like a blustering bully? 
 who brags though he is beaten. 
 
1 16 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Displayed of feeling less the powers 
 
 Than rogues, who have been hung for hours." 
 
 When haply hit off to a tittle, 
 At first it nettled them a little, 
 But careless apathy now boastings 
 They quietly submit to roasting. 
 
 Thus Jack Ketch, having noos'd a paddy, 
 (" Perhaps, O Sylph ! "....'twas Duane's 
 
 daddy ir 
 
 ^ Than rogues who have been hung for hours. 
 
 You will find, gentle reader, by turning to " Ter- 
 rible Tractoration," p. 64, New-York edition, a 
 tiotable instance of sensibility^ expressed by a felon 
 who had been executed for murder, who being 
 somewhat " oppugnatcd" by a meddling philoso- 
 pher, with his Galvanic st4mulants, clenched kis right 
 hands and exhibited other menacing symptoms of 
 his being alive to the affront. But our democrats, 
 though spitted with the arrows of satire, by the 
 merciless wits of the age, and roasted before the 
 slow fire of public indignation, appear to possess as 
 little feeling as the '* passive ox," that graced the 
 democratic fete in Boston, held in honor of the 
 French revoluiion. 
 
 *** (" Perhaps, O Sylph !"....'twas Duane's daddy !) 
 
 This petty piece of an apostorphe we hereby ac- 
 
MOBOCRACY. 117 
 
 Who made more growling than was fit, 
 And did not love to swing one bit ;.... 
 
 A fellow sufferer by his side 
 
 A crum of comfort thus applied, 
 
 ** Your blubbering, Pat, has no excuse to't, 
 
 ^' Toil knotv, you Irish dogs are us^d toH /" 
 
 Nothing did demos any good 
 But syllogisms made of wood," 
 
 knowledc^e to have taken verbatim et literatim from 
 one of Moore's songs. We consider this Confes- 
 sion as a very proper proceeding on our part ; for 
 having in our last edition inadvertently hit on one 
 of Butler's rhymes, a democratic scribbler in ihe 
 Baltimore Evening Post the tertium quid paper of 
 that place has raised a hue and cry against us, for- 
 sooth for filagiarism. As well might the booby 
 affirm that we had stolen our poetry from Ci- 
 cero's Orations, because we make use of the 
 Roman alphabet. This would-be critic has an 
 undoubted right in a free government^ to be a fool-) 
 bul if he has set up/o?- a wzV, his best way, as Swift 
 has it, is to set down again. 
 
 81 But syllogisms made of wood. 
 
 The f.\mous splitting affray, and the eonscv'iuent 
 cudgelling in Congress hall, where 
 
J 18 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 But these applied with proper force, 
 Confounded jacobins of course. 
 
 They found the basis of their grandeur^ 
 Must be deceit, and lies, and slander, 
 The only possible foundation 
 Of democratic reputation. 
 
 Their crafty chief, with other fetches. 
 Hires a vile gang of foreign wretches, 
 
 " With many a lusty thwack and bang, 
 " Hard crab-tree and old iron rang," 
 
 are well known to every body. An afifieal to the 
 right of the strongest^ became in that instance jus- 
 tijiable, if not unavoidable^ in consequence of the ob- 
 stinacy of the party whose political sentiments 
 agreed with the gentleman, who in that rencounter 
 had the honor to be the cudgellee. It is to be fear- 
 ed, however, that the most forcible arguments of 
 this kind, will not always be sufficiently powerful 
 to make a lasting imfiression on the headstrong de- 
 magogues of this faction. Some political partizans, 
 have shown themselves to be so wilfully blind, ob- 
 stinate, and ignorant, that the means which we have 
 mentioned in ** Terrible Tractoration," 
 
 Of making sky lights to the mind, 
 5y boring a bole through the body. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 119 
 
 To lie down evtry man of merit,'^ 
 Of honesty and public spirit. 
 
 His sovereign friends the mob caresses 
 From twenty different hireling presses, 
 Who spread vile lies, with vast sedulity, 
 T' impose on honest men's credulity. 
 
 seem to be the only practicable mode by which 
 they can be enlightened. But this method will not 
 be adopted by the federalists. The more violent 
 demagogues of the now ruling party, it is to be 
 feared, will be the first to sacrifice dieir leaders, 
 while the latter, like Fayette in France, and like 
 M'Kean in America, strive in vain to hush the hur- 
 ricane of their own exciting. 
 
 «* To lie down every man of merit. 
 
 The falsehoods, which Callendev and others have 
 been fiaid for propagating, the toi-:ents of abuse 
 which have been poured upon WasHngton and 
 other patriots, are now, happily for the public, pretty 
 generally traced to their filthy sources. T\\e cha- 
 racters of the men who have been vilified by the 
 
 scoundrel-gang of Mr. J n's hirelings, are found 
 
 to be such as do honor to our country. But their 
 calumniators.... who are they ? Cheethams, Pasquins, 
 Duanes....men who (to talk like an Irishman) had 
 they lived in iheir native country till this time would 
 have been hungy years ago. 
 
120 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Gives foreigners our loaves 4nd fishes*' 
 To bend our counsels to his wishes, 
 
 83 Gives foreigners our Ip^ves and fishes. 
 / 
 
 It is a truth which the political history of Ame- 
 rica makes abundant!/ manifest, that the principal 
 disturbances which have convulsed the United 
 States, have originated in the intrigues of " im- 
 ported patriots." /This is a circumstance, which is 
 by no means remarkable, when we consider the 
 habits, attachments, and situations of such foreign- 
 ers in their native country. Few men are disposed 
 to migrate from the land of their nativity, who are 
 not thereto induced by misconduct^ or a turbulent 
 and aspiring disposition. Tbt principle which is 
 denominated fiacriotis7n^ }t)odern philosophers not- 
 withstanding, is implanterd in man by the hand of 
 nature, and he who hAs divested himself of that 
 principle, either hy, /f^Uosophizing, or by any other 
 still less justifial/f/ means, must have rooted out 
 those moral fe<^lings which are the best security of 
 society. Besides, foreigners who leave their native 
 countries,/^ith a determination to settle in America, 
 are, generally, men who have been accustomed to 
 be g(>verned themselves, and to the amount of their 
 poy^ers, to govern others with a strong arm.... 
 have either themselves been h:ird pressed by the 
 heavy hand of government, or have been, as mem- 
 bers of such government, active in imposing a heavy 
 hand on others. They have, generally, no definite 
 
MOBOCRACY. 12: 
 
 And guillotine the reputation 
 Of every good man in the nation. 
 
 Fellows, who sped away betimes 
 To seek *^ asykim" from their crimes, 
 In annals of Old Bailey noted, l 
 
 Are in '^ Freedonia''' promoted." 
 
 ideas of that temperate liberty, which is as remote 
 from licentiousness as it is from despotism. 
 
 All nations, except the American, have found it ne- 
 cessary to lay aliens under certain restrictions, disad- 
 vantages and liabilities, which, though they may 
 appear to operate as an hardship on the individuals 
 subjected thereto, arc imperiously demanded for the 
 purpose of securing the best interests of the com- 
 munities in which such aliens reside. If such re- 
 gulations are necessary in other nations, they will 
 be found pre-eminently requisite in that of Ame- 
 rica, where, such is the want of power in our rulers, 
 and so delicate is the mechanism of the govern- 
 ment, that a single Gallatin may impede, if not stop 
 its wheels. But this subject has been ably dis- 
 cussed in Congress, in the debates respecting the 
 repeal of the ivlien Law. 
 
 »4 Are, in " Fresdonia^'" promoted. 
 
 Freedonia is a cant phrase> which certain small 
 
122 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Vile renegades of every nation 
 Are sure to gain an elevation, 
 But honesty and reputation 
 Are passports to a private station. 
 
 These wretches now announce hostility 
 To talents, virtue and civility" 
 
 poets or prosaic scribblers, we forget which, would 
 have us adopt as an appellative to designate the 
 United States of America. At a time like this, 
 when misrule and licentiousness are the order of 
 the day, there can be but little propriety in coining 
 new phrases to enrich the vocabulary of sedition. 
 
 •* To" talents, virtue, and civility. 
 
 There always is something " rotten in the state 
 of Denmark," if men of the first abilities are de- 
 cried by demagogues, and pointed out as proper 
 objects for the jealousy of the people. That the 
 principal talents in America are now in disgrace 
 becausethey are federalists, nonebut themostbrazen 
 fact d partizans will deny. If by talents ,however, 
 we are to understand 
 
 *< That low cunning, which in fools supplies, 
 *< And amply too, the place of being wi^e ;" 
 
 Churchill, 
 
 we must allow the dominant party are far from be- 
 
MOBOCRACY. 123 
 
 Direct their vandalizing ravages 
 
 To make men like themselves, mere savages. 
 
 By creeping cunning overbalance 
 The weight of wisdom, and of talents. 
 Like Absalom, with wicked arts. 
 Contrive to steal the people's hearts. 
 
 The leading demos have their tools, 
 
 A mongrel set, 'twixt knaves and fools, ^® 
 
 ing deficient. But wisdom and cunning are very 
 distinct attributes, although by many absurdly 
 blended. The former qualifies its possessors to ag- 
 grandize society, at the same time that it promotes 
 the interests of all its individuals. The latter is of 
 no consequence to any person but its possessor, 
 and is by him usually employed to exalt himself at 
 the expense of society, or of individuals. Wisdom 
 was well exemplified in Washington, cunning in 
 J n. 
 
 •6 A monc^rel set, 'twixt knaves and fools. 
 
 Your halfwits are, by nature, formed for Democ- 
 racy. Leaden pated gentlemen, who vainly aspire 
 to eminence in the learned professions, quack-doc- 
 tors illiterate clergymen, and blundering lawyers, 
 are the Democracy of nature, and their opposite* 
 are, sometimes, styled the Aristrocracy of nature. 
 
124 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 But I've not patience to examine a 
 Crew that's so destitute of stamina. 
 
 These, by arch demagogues are led on. 
 And futile promises are fed on, 
 Enjoying, by anticipation 
 Some post of profit in the nation."' 
 
 Between these two sorts of candidates for eminence, 
 there will always exist a covert or an open war. 
 Those who belong to that class in society, which 
 nature intended should move in a subordinate and 
 limited sphere, are rarely contented with their con- 
 dition, but by means of the little arts of little minds, 
 elevate themselves to an artificial consequence, 
 which terminates in their disgrace and the public 
 detriment. 
 
 *^ Some post of profit in the nation. 
 
 The impossibility of realizing all these anticipa- 
 tions, must create divisions and subdivisions among 
 the now triumphant demagogues. Those who have 
 been honestly led astray, it is to be hoped, will unite 
 heart and hand with those who have constantly 
 trod the path of Federal rectitude, and form a un- 
 ion of upright and intelligent men, who may yet 
 preserve the nation from the " abhorred gulf" of 
 Democratic tyranny. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 12^ 
 
 / And now to make the people jealous, 
 The scoundrels undertake to tell us, 
 They are themselves the chosen band, 
 
 i ** Exclusive patriots" of the land. 
 
 Thus, vi^hen a swindler means to cheat you, 
 With vast civility he'll treat you, 
 In all his intercourse pretends 
 To be your very best of friends. 
 
 Such friendship Joab erst employ 'd, 
 When his friend Abner he decoy 'd, 
 And Judas such a friend as this, 
 Betray 'd his master with a kiss. 
 
 Now these Pat- Ryots join as one'® 
 To thwart the plans of Washington, 
 And puff th* immaculate Taoaias Jefferson 
 As Freedom's only great and clever son. 
 
 " Now Ihese Pat-Ryots join as one. 
 
 Dean Swift, in some of his writings, Informs us, 
 thjit the word Patriot, originated from one Pat-Ry- 
 ot, a turbulent Irishman who was hung for rebel- 
 lion, and as we are particularly fond of etymologi- 
 cal deduction we have here rcitored the word to 
 its original oxtliography. 
 
 m2 
 
.io MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Yes.... Washington our pride and glory, 
 Vile denies dubb'd a British tory,** 
 Amt Duane undertook to blast him, 
 And prove no Nero e'er surpass'd hini ! 
 
 With bug-bear phantoms to alarm us 
 They conjure up huge standing armies, 
 With which, and Washington to lead 'em, 
 The feds would bayonet our freedom.^*^ 
 
 *^ Vile demos clubb'd a British tory. 
 
 It is fresh in the recollection of every person, who 
 is in the smallest degree acquainted with the po- 
 litical history of the United States, that Washing- 
 ton did not escape the abuse of the faction now irv 
 power. He was said to have been partial to Bri- 
 tish interests, and reviled in the most unqualified 
 terms, by the Aurora patriots. 
 
 *° The feds would bayonet our freedom. 
 
 No measure of the federal administration, has 
 called forth more abuse from their political op- 
 ponents, than the raising of a fJtanding army. 
 But many who reprobate that step, and sup- 
 pose that it led to that step in deep designs of domi- 
 nation, may, perhaps, be convinced that the motives 
 from which it originated were pure, when they per- 
 use the following IcUer from our beloved and im-. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 127 
 
 Adams they styPd a hoary traitor," 
 Pickering a public defalcator, 
 
 mortal chief, by which he signified his acceptance 
 of the command of this army, which, say the De- 
 mocrats, was destined to destroy our liberties. 
 
 Mount-Vernouy July 13, 1798. 
 
 " DEAR SIR, 
 
 " I had the honor, on the evening: of the 1 1th in- 
 stant, to receive from the hand of the secretary of 
 war, your favour of the 7th, announcing that you 
 had, with the advice and consent of the Senate, ap- 
 pointed me ^' Lieutenant-General, and Commander 
 in Chief of all the armies raised, or to be raised, 
 for the service of the United States." 
 
 " 1 cannot express how greatly affected I am at 
 this new proof of public confidence, and the highly 
 flattering manner in which you have been pleased 
 to make the communication. K\ the same time, I 
 must not conceal from you my earnest wish that 
 the choice had fallen on a man, less declined in 
 years, and better qualified to encounter the usual 
 vicissitudes of war. 
 
 " You know, sir, what calculation I had made, 
 relative to the probable course of events, on my re- 
 tiring from office, and the determiination I had con- 
 soled myself with, of closing the remnant of my 
 days in my present peaceful abode ; you will there- 
 fore be at no loss to conceive and appieciate the sen- 
 sation I must have experienced, to bring myself to 
 
I2g MOBOCRACY. 
 
 And that with other mischief done, he 
 Had stolen all our public money. 
 
 any conclusion that would pledge me, at so late a 
 period of my life, to leave scenes I sincerely love, to 
 enter upon the boundless field of action, incessant 
 trouble, and high responsibility. 
 
 " It is not possible for me to remain ignorant of, 
 or indifferent to recent transactions. 
 
 '* The conduct of the directory of France towards 
 our country ; their insidious hostility to its govern^ 
 ment ; their various practices to ivithdraiv the ajfec- 
 Hons of the p.eople from it ; the evident tendency of 
 their actSy and those of their agentSy to countenance 
 and invigorate opfiosition ; their disregard of solemn 
 treaties and laws of nations ; their war upon our de- 
 fenceless commerce ; their treatment of our ministers 
 of peace i and their demands, amounting to tribute, 
 could not fail to excite in me corresponding senti- 
 ments with those my countrymen have so generally 
 expressed in their affectionate addresses to you. 
 Believe me, sir, no one can more cordially approve 
 of the wise and prudent measures of your administra- 
 tion. They ought to inspire universal confidence ; 
 and will no doubt, combined with, the state of 
 things, call from Congress such laws and means, 
 as will enable you to meet the full extent of the 
 crisis. 
 
 « Satisfied therefore that you have sincerely wisjied 
 and endeavoured to avert war, and exhausted to the 
 last dropf the cup of reconciliation^ we can with 
 
MOBOCRACY. 129 
 
 We might proceed through reams on reams 
 To set forth democratic schemes, 
 
 pure hearts appeal tb Heaven for the justice of 
 our cause, and may confidently trust the final re- 
 sult to that kind Providence, who has heretofore, 
 and so often, signally favoured the people of the 
 United States. 
 
 " Thinking in this manner, and feeling how in- 
 cumbent it is upon every person, of every descrip- 
 tion, to contribute at all times to his country's wel- 
 fare, especially in a moment like the present^ nvhen 
 every thing ive hold clear and sacred, is so seriously 
 threaten&d ; I have finally determined to accept the 
 commission of Commander in Chief of the armies 
 of the United States, with this reserve only, that I 
 shall not be called into the field until the army 
 is in a situation to require my presence, or it be- 
 comes indispensible by the urgency of circuiti- 
 stancfcs. 
 
 " In making this reservation, I beg it may be 
 understood, that I do not mean to withhold any as- 
 sistance to arrange and organize the army, which 
 you think I can afford. I take the liberty also to 
 mention, that I must decline having my acceptance 
 considered as drawing after it any immediate charge 
 upoii the public ; or that I can receive any emolu- 
 ments annexed to the appointment, before enter- 
 ing into a situation to incur expense. 
 
 " The Secretary of War being anxious to return 
 
*30 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Their midnight caucusses declare, 
 
 To shew what precious rogues they are. 
 
 ' *o the seat of government, I have detained him 
 no longer than vi^as necessary to a full commu- 
 nication upon the several points he had in charge. 
 " With great respect and consideration, 
 I have the honor to be, dear sir, 
 your most obedient humble servant, 
 GEORGE WASHINGTON.*' 
 
 " Adams they styl'd a hoary traitor. 
 
 The infamous Callender, a tool and hireling of 
 -X Mr. Jefferson, thus expresses himself in '' The 
 Prospect Before Us :" 
 
 " This hoary-headed incendiary (^dama) bawls 
 
 out, to arms !'* *' Alas, he is not an object of envy, 
 
 ! but of compassion and... .of horror /'* Again, ^' John 
 
 Adams. ...that scourge, that scorn, that outcast of 
 
 Jmerica.*' 
 
 " We have been governed by pne of the most 
 J execrable of all scoundrels. He is, in private 
 life, one of the most egregious fools on the conti- 
 nent." 
 
 " He (the future historian) will inquire by what 
 
 _i species of madness, America submitted to accept 
 
 as her President, a person iviihout abilities, and 
 
 nvithoiu virtue ; being alike incapable of attaching 
 
 either tenderness or esteem/' &;c. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 131 
 
 Our pithy poem might enamel 
 By telling how they brib'd one Campbell, 
 (Which tale, O Gallatin, would pleasure*ye) 
 To steal the books from public Treasury. 
 
 How Duane, Gallatin, and Smilie, 
 And other rogues in Co. went slily. 
 And drudg'd all night to ruin Pickering 
 And furnish documents for bickering. 
 
 But since our poem is a peg. 
 On which to hang our notes,^ we beg, 
 This midnight matter to disclose 
 Without a trope, in simple prose.^^ 
 
 s' But since our poem is a peg, 
 On which to hang our notes 
 
 Democrats have so declared, but as the author 
 of the Pursuits of Literature and some other writers 
 of eminence arc involved in a similar charge, we 
 shall not attest to refute the accusation, but plead 
 the custom of authors in the Court of Criticism in 
 our own justification. 
 
 &» Without a trope, in simple prose. 
 
 Among other malicious manceuvres of the fac- 
 tion, who have supplanted the friends and followers 
 of Washington, may 43e numbered the mean attempt 
 
 <►* 
 
132 , MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Although in any foreign land, 
 
 Such folks as these are hung off hand, 
 
 to stigmatize Col. Pickering, by corrupting a clerk 
 in one of the public offices. Anthony Campbell, 
 the tool of the party on this occasion, was in 1800 
 a recording clerk in the office of the Auditor of 
 the Treasury, all accounts having been previous- 
 ly audited and examinedhy the principal clerk, were 
 registered in the books then entrusted to Campbell. 
 The monies dca^rn by the Secretary of State vv^ere 
 charged to him in those books, but the credits for 
 the application not entered till vouchers were 
 produced of the manner in which the sums 
 were disbursed. Months and sometimes years ne- 
 cessarily expired before vouchers and receipts rela- 
 tive to the expenditures of money destined to the 
 payment of our Ambassadors, and other public pur- 
 poses in Europe, could be procured from the per- 
 sons to whom they were transmitted. 
 
 Campbell informed some of the deefi ones among 
 the democrats, that the books of h^ department 
 exhibited a large unexpended balai^^in the hands 
 of Mr. Pickering. Campbell, together with one 
 Gardner,was prevailed upon tobecomean instrunv^n: 
 in the hands of the faction, and give Colooel Pick- 
 ering's political opponents a view of the books: For 
 this purpose under the pretext of personal accom- 
 modation he obtained leave".to sleep iift'l^e office. 
 A meeting of pure patriots was hel^^ at J^rael Is- 
 rael's, corner of Third and Cliesnut sti'e^, Phila- 
 
MOBOCRACY. . 133 
 
 Yet we, a free and happy nation, 
 Reward the rogues with public station. 
 
 delphia, among whom were Gallatin, Smilie, Duane, 
 and some others amounting to eight or ten. The 
 books of the Treasury were taken by night to Is- 
 rael's, the accounts afterwards published in the Au- 
 rora transcribed by these scriveners, and the books 
 returned before day light. 
 
 The remarks which appeared in the Washington 
 Federalist of April 21, 1802, accompanying a de- 
 velopement of this dark transaction, are so pertinent 
 to the subject that we cannot resist the temptation 
 of transcribing them, 
 
 " Can it be supposed that Gallatin, and man}' 
 others, when they examined these accounts did not 
 know their unsettled state, and the imperfect view 
 which they gave of the disbursem<jnt of the publig 
 money ? And when Mr. Wolcott in his letter dated 
 23d day of June 1800, in answer to the charge in the 
 Aurora, explained the nature of these accounts, 
 could any one have doubted a moment that the 
 statements s#^ublished were imperfect ? And yet 
 we find the Aurora with matchless impudence re- 
 peating those charges. Towards Campbell we feel 
 pity ai\d contempt, that he should so far forget 
 his duty as to violate the most sacred obligations 
 of honor and perjure hiniself to become the tool of 
 a party. But what emotions does the conduct of 
 those excite v/ho instigated him to such infamous 
 practices,* who could not only resort to means so 
 
134 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Now Hamilton is represented 
 Assaying wicked schemes invented, 
 
 base to obtain those documents, but likewise employ 
 them in the manner they did, knowing them to be 
 imperfect. If they were convinced that the charges 
 were just, why did they not at once bring forward 
 an impeachment against Mr. Pickering, or anpoint 
 a committee to examine into his accounts ? Be- 
 cause they knew the result would be what every 
 subsequent investigation has been, a fair and hon- 
 orable acquittal They knew what an effect a bold 
 
 publication of it would have on the honest and un- 
 suspecting yeomanry ; men brought up in the sim- 
 ple manners of the country, unpractised in intrigue 
 and unacquainted with the depravity of human na- 
 ture." 
 
 Gardner the accomplice of Campbell in this un- 
 derhanded transaction, was rewarded by being ap- 
 pointed consul to Demarara. Campbell attempted 
 to take advantage of his treachery, but Gallatin 
 was too cunning for him, and he received nothing, 
 till threatening a disclosure of the "^t)le affair, an 
 ensigncy at length slopped his mouth. 
 
 A committee of the House*^ of Representatives 
 was afterwards appointed for the purpose of exam- 
 ing the account of the late secretaries ; consisting 
 of Messrs. Nicholas, Nicholson, Stone, Otis, Gris- 
 wold. Wain, and Craik, the three first of whom 
 were democrats. 
 This committee, after a k-ibo! ious scrutiny, by tlieir 
 
MOBOCRACY. 135 
 
 By dint of which, with sudden start he 
 Would make himself a Buonaparte. 
 
 report entirely exculpated Mr. Pickering ; and Gal- 
 latin himself acknowledged that " the whole of the 
 money received by Mr. Pickering, had been applied 
 to public purposes. It likewise appeared that Mr. 
 Pickering not only had not embezzled one single 
 dollar of the public money, but that he had saved 
 to the United States 14,588 dollars, by a purchase 
 of bills of exchange on London, which, with the nevj 
 ^r/i&oAconscience, he might very conveniently have 
 appropriated to his own use. 
 
 Notwithstanding such was the purity of Picker- 
 ing, the venal Aurora, whose unprincipled editor 
 has done much, very much towards clamouring 
 down every man of merit in the community, pub- 
 lished a number of articles, with the title of "Pub- 
 lic Plunder," which contributed not a little to 
 the election of Mr. Jefferson and the establishment 
 of Duane's importance as an editor. In one of these, 
 Duane asserted, that on the 18th of April 1800, Mr. 
 Pickering had drawn upon the treasury for fifty 
 thousand dollars ; and that at the time when he 
 drew Tot. this sum#he had in his hands three hun- 
 dred thousand dollars unac count ed for.. Duane like- 
 wise declared that Mr. Pickering held in his hand?, 
 nearly double the an^ount of both these sums, in- 
 limating that he then was delinquent in the enor- 
 mous sum of seven hundred thousand dollars. 
 
 This is one instance, amono: ^^i" 7iiany which 
 
136 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Not even the shelter of the grave 
 From democratic spite could save 
 This man, most worthy admiration, 
 An honor to his age and nation/^ 
 
 iiiight be adduced, proving the base means to 
 which certain men have resorted, for the purpose of 
 tarnishing the reputation of those heroes and 
 statesmen to whose exertions we are chiefly indebt- 
 ed for our national prosperity. The falsehoods by 
 which democrats have achieved the purpose of ele- 
 vating themselves, and disgracing the nation, are 
 thrown aside as soon as by their instrumentality 
 these precious objects are attained. Thus it was 
 said that the war office buildings were purposely 
 .^ on fire by Mr. Wolcott. Thus Hamilton and 
 M'li«nry, with a number of other federal patriots, 
 have been accused of peculation and other crimes, 
 by their political adversaries, but not a single iiroof 
 of improper conduct in office, has ever been ad- 
 duced. The effect of these falsehoods, however, 
 has been to stigmatize their characters in the opin- 
 ion of many of .their fellow-citizens, and to put a 
 period to their political existence. If such are to be 
 the rewards of fiatriotism in AmSlca^ it is to be fear- 
 ed) it will soon be a plant of rare growth, 
 
 ^^ An honor to his age and nation. 
 
 The untimely fall of Gen. Hamilton excites emo- 
 tions, which we shall not attempt in this place to 
 express. Few writers are equal to the task of pour- 
 
MOBOCRACY. J37 
 
 The blustering old doinlnion frets' 
 Because she has to pay her debts, 
 
 Graying in. just colours, the character of that great 
 man, and we cannot forbear enteringour critical caveat 
 against the style and manner of some of the eulo- 
 gies which we have seen in commemoration of his 
 untimely deeease. In many of these productions 
 we have observed a strained elevation, a redundancy 
 of rhetorical flourishes, which appear rather to 
 emanate from an ambition to display the talents 
 of the orator, than from feelings of affection for 
 the deceased, or a wish to commemorate his virtues. 
 The expressions of grief are simply pathetic. The 
 fancy never makes wild excursions, when the heart 
 is wrung with anguish. Tiie eulogies, howevoi', of 
 Messrs. Morris, Otis, and some few others, are pure 
 and correct; the effusions of genius, chastened by 
 jagdmeiit and taste. From thelatter of these perform- 
 ances, I am happy to present the following extract, 
 as it is happily illustrative of ib.at magnaniinity and 
 greatness of soul, whic:! distin.uii'iht.-s the real /uro, 
 ivnm the bold and aspiiing demtio"opue. 
 
 ''■ The prind|aes professed* by the first leaders of 
 that (the Freiich) revolution, were so congenial to 
 those of the American people ; their pretences of 
 itiniing merely at the reformation of abuses were 
 so plausible ; t!ie spectacle of a great people strug- 
 gling tu recover their " long-lost liberties" was so 
 imposing aiid august ; while that of a combination 
 of tyrants to conquer, and subjcgate, vras so revolt- 
 
158 MGBOCRACY. 
 
 Her Nabobs join in grand committee, 
 To "- kick to hell the British treaty.'*®' 
 
 ing ; the services received from one of the belliger- 
 ent povrers, and the injuries inflicted by the other, 
 •were so recent in our minds, that the sensibility of 
 the nation was excited to the most exquisite pitch. 
 To this disposition, so favourable to the wishes of 
 France, every appeal was made, which intrigue, 
 corruption, flattery, and threats could dictate. At 
 this dangerous and dazzling crisis, there were but 
 ttw men entirely exempt from the general delirium. 
 Among the few was Hamilton. His penetrating 
 eye discerned, and his prophetic voice foretold, the 
 tendency and consequence of the first revolutionary 
 movements. He was assured that every people 
 which should espouse the cause of France would 
 pa^ under her yoke, and that the people of France, 
 like every nation which surrenders its reason to the 
 mercy of demagogues, would be driven by ,the 
 storms of anarchy upon the shores of despotism. 
 All this he knew was conformable to the invariable 
 law of nature and experience of mankind. From 
 the reach of this desolation he was^nsTious to save 
 his country, and in the pursuit o^ffis purpose, he 
 -breasted the assaults of calumny and prejudice. 
 ** The torrent roared, and he did bufi'et it." Ap- 
 preciating the advantages of a neutral position,, he 
 co-operated with Washington, Adajvis, and the 
 other patriots of that day, in the means best adapt- 
 ed to maintain it. The rights and duties of neu- 
 
II^OBOCRACY. 139 
 
 The funding system, tax on land, 
 Were first propos'd by Giles's band,^ 
 
 trality proclaimed by the president, were explained 
 and enforced by. Hamilton in the character of 
 Pacificus. The attempts to corrupt and intimidate 
 were resisted. The British treaty was justified 
 and defended as an honorable compact with our 
 natural friends, and pregnant with advantages, 
 which have since been realized and acknowledged 
 by its opponents. 
 
 " By this" pacific and vigorous policy, hi the 
 whole course of which the genius and activity of 
 Hamilton were^fconspicuous, time and information 
 were afforded to the American nation, and correct 
 views were acquired of our situation and interestSr 
 We beheld'the republics of Europe, march in pro- 
 cession to the funeral of their own liberties by 
 the lusid light of the revolutionary torch. The 
 tumult of the passions subsided, the wisdom of the 
 administration was perceived, and America now 
 remains a solitary monument in the desolated plains 
 of liberty. ^ 
 
 *' Having remained a|||he head of the treasury 
 several years, and filled its coffers ; having deve- 
 loped the sources of ample revenue, and tested the 
 advantages of his own system by his own experience; 
 I and leaving expended his private fortune; he found it 
 necessary to retire* from public employment, and to 
 devote his attention to the claims of a large and dear 
 fapnily. What brighter instance of disinterested honor 
 
140 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Who swore that duties rais'd from commerce 
 But slih' filch \l cjr money from us. 
 
 has ever been exhibited to an admiring world I That 
 a man, upon whom devolved the task of orii^inaiing 
 a system of revenue for a nation ; of devising the 
 checks in his own department ; to provide for the 
 collections of sums, the amount of which was con- 
 jectural ; tl>at a man, who anticipated the effects of 
 a funding system, yet a secret in his own bosom, 
 and who was thus enabled to have secured a prince- 
 ly fortune, consistently with principles esteemed 
 fair by the world ; tV.at such a man by no means ad- 
 dicted to an expensive or extravagant style of liv- 
 ing, should have retired from an ofSce destitute of 
 means adequate to the wants of mediocrity- and have 
 resorted to professional labour for the means of de- 
 cent support, are facts which must instruct anci as- 
 tonish those, whos in countries habituated to cor- 
 ruption and venality are more attentive to the gains 
 
 than to the duties of an official station Yet Ham- i 
 
 ILTON was that man. It was a fact always known 
 to his friends, and it is now evident from his testa- 
 ment, made under a deep^presentiment of his ap- 
 proaching fate. Blush then, ministers and warriors 
 of imperial France, who have deluded your nation 
 by pretensions to a disinterested rega'^d foi- its lib- 
 erties and rights 1 Disgorge the riciies ektorted 
 from your fellow-citizens, and the spoils amassed 
 from confiscation and blood I Restore to the impov- 
 erished nation the price paid by them for the privi* 
 
MOBOCRACY. 141 
 
 The funds created, taxes laid, 
 
 The measures by the imps are made 
 
 lege of slavery, and now appropriated to the refine- 
 ment of luxury ! Approach the tomb of Hamil- 
 ton, and compare the insignificance of your gor- 
 geous palaces with the awful majesty of this tene- 
 ment of clay I 
 
 " We again accompany our friend in the walks of 
 private life, and in the assiduous pursuit of his pro- 
 fession, until the aggressions of France compelled 
 the nation to assume the attitude of defence. He 
 was now invited by the great and enlightened states- 
 man who had succeeded to the presidency, and at 
 the express request of the Commander in Chief, 
 to accept of the second rank in the army. Though 
 no man had manifested a greater desire to avoid 
 war, yet it is freely confessed that when war ap- 
 peared to be inevitable, his heart exulted in " the 
 tented field," and he loved the life and occupation 
 of a soldier. His early habits were formed amid 
 the fascinations of the camp. And though llie pa- 
 cific policy of Adams once more rescued us from 
 war, and shortened the existence of the army estab- 
 lishment, yet its dui»^ion was sufficient to secure 
 to him the love and confidence of officers and men, 
 to enable him lo display the talents and qualities 
 of a great general, and to justify the most favour^ 
 able prognostics of his prowess in the field. 
 
 " Once more this excellent man unloosed the 
 lielniet from his brow, and returned to the duties- of 
 
142 MOBOCRACV 
 
 A handle, plausible no douV>t, 
 To turn the AVashingtonians out. 
 
 the forum. From this lime he persristed in a firm 
 resolution to decline all civil honors and promo- 
 tion, and to live a private citizen, unless again sum- 
 moned to the defence of his country. He became 
 more than ever assiduous in his practice at the bar, 
 and intent upon his plans of domestic happiness, 
 until a nice and mistaken estimate of the claims of 
 honor, impelled him to the fatal act which ter- 
 minated his life." 
 
 Since quoting the above 1 have perused the ora- 
 tion of J. M. Mason, D. D. commemorative of the 
 virtues and talents of this illustrious m.an. It is a 
 splendid effort of genius whicti would have done cre- 
 dit to the pen of a Burke, and appears to have been 
 inspired by a spirit akin to that of the hero itxele- 
 brates. We should think the style of the eulogy 
 somewhat too highly encomiastic, were not the sub- 
 ject a Hamilton ; but it is scarcely possible to em- 
 ploy too bold a pencil in giving characteristic 
 scketches of such a man. 
 
 Some trails of General Hamilton, published in the 
 Boston Repertory, and said to Ifeve been drawn up by 
 the Hon. Fisher Ames, are eminently beautiful. The 
 pencil of S. Cullen Carpenter^ editor of the Charles- 
 ton Courier, whose literary productions have acquir- 
 ed him a highly deserved celebriiy» has pourtrayed, 
 in letters of light, the principal features in this most 
 distinguished character ; indeed the portrait 
 
MOBOCRACY. 14t5 
 
 And now the lying varlets tell us 
 Wolcott and Dexter were such fellows, 
 
 Hamilton, as drawn by the hands of the writers we 
 have mentioned, ought to be in the possession of 
 every. American of taste and sensibility.* 
 
 The incessant torrents of calumny, which have 
 been poured on that truly i^reat man, since the fa- 
 tal rencontre which terminated his txistence, ex- 
 hibits a lamentable proof of democratic depravity. 
 The coaduct of a Chronicle scribbler in Boston in 
 particular (said to be the late candidate for governor, 
 Mr. Sullivan) has often called to our recollection 
 the following lines from Churchill : 
 
 " Should love of faine, in every noble mind 
 A brave disease, with love of virtue join'd. 
 Spur thee to deeds of pilh, where coura^.^c try'd 
 In reason's couri is amply justified ; 
 Or fond of knowledge, and averr^e to strife, 
 Shauldst thou prefer the calmer v. f'lks of life ; 
 Shouldst thou by pale and sickly study led, 
 Pursue coy science to thv'^ fountain iiead ; 
 Virtue thy guide, and public good thy end, 
 Should every thou.^hc to oar improvement tend, 
 To curb the pa .siohs, to enlarge the mind. 
 Purge the sick weal and liumani/-e mankind j 
 Rage in her eye and malice in her breast, 
 Redoubled horror grinning on her crest, 
 
 * We would refer our readers to " ji Collsction of. 
 Facts and'l^Qcumcntfi relative to th" death of Gen, ''■ 
 'ffa?nilto7iy" by the editor of the Evening Post, 
 
144 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 To carry peculation's farce on 
 
 They 'd crown 'd their robberies with arson.*^ 
 
 Fiercer each snake, and sharper every dart, 
 Quick from her cell shall madening envy start : 
 Then shalt thou find, but find, alas ! too late, 
 How vain is worth ! how short is glory's date ! 
 Then shalt thou find, when friends with foes con- 
 To give more proof than virtue would desire, (spire 
 Thy danger chiefly lies in acting well ; 
 No crime's so great as daring to excell.'^ 
 
 95 To ** kick to hell the British tieaty." 
 
 We have 6ere adorned our poetry with a very 
 judicious rhetorical flourish, quoted from the decla- 
 rations of the dashing nabobs of the south, who 
 first signalized themselves by their opposition to 
 that instrument. The virulent, and unqualified 
 abuse, which has been heaped upon General Wash- 
 ington, Mr. Jay, and the whole federal party for 
 having given origin to a treaty, which in all proba- 
 bility prevented our participating in the crimes and 
 horrors of the French revolution, is scarcely to be 
 paralleled in the annals of political contests. Noth- 
 ing short of the prudence of a Washington could 
 have stemmed the tide of democratic depravity on 
 this occasion. None, however, of the evils antici- 
 pated from this deprecated treaty have taken place, 
 and it is abundantly manifest on investigating the 
 causes of Virginian virulence that self interest was 
 the real motive of the deluders in exciting this alarm. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 145 
 
 Now swells each Jacobinic throat *' 
 
 With dreadful, boding, screech-owl note, 
 
 It appears that the claims of British creditors 
 against Virginia^ only as exhibited by their com- 
 missioners, appointed under the 6th article of Mr. 
 Jay's treaty, amounted to 8,500,000 dollars, but 
 those against the whole of the New-England states 
 were but a little rising of 100,000 dollars. These 
 claims, although not positive evidences of debts due 
 to their whole amount, yet furnish a clue for a pro- 
 portional estimate of the debts due from Virginia, 
 and from the New-England states. 
 
 No doubt the easiest way for Virginia to pay 
 this debt was, to use the expressions of some of 
 their leaders to '* kick the treaty to h....ll.'* This 
 they might do, in tfH course of their proceedings 
 without going" out of their way. 
 
 It ought not, however, to be forgotten that this 
 obnoxious treaty^ and the hostilities committed by 
 England on our coinmerce in the year 1793, %icre the 
 vonsequeiice of Virginia delinquency and aggression. 
 The legislature of Virginia, in October 1783, passed 
 an act to absolve British debtors from the payinent of 
 money, even after their debts had been ascertained 
 by judgments in coorts of law. On the other 
 hand the British refused to relinquish the possession 
 of the northern posts. In December 1787, in con- 
 sequence of an earnest requisition of congress the 
 assembly of Virginia passed an act apparently to 
 repeal all such acts of that state as had prevented, 
 
146 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 And democrats are choak'd with sobbings, 
 Because the British hung one Bobbins.^ * 
 
 or might prevent the recovery of debts due to 
 British subjects, according to the true intent of the 
 treaty. But took care in a proviso to this act to 
 susfiend the refieal^ and thereby render it entirely 
 null, under the pretence of infraciions on the part 
 of the British, thus arrogating to themselves power, 
 which of right belonged to the general government, 
 and making a mere farce of their own proceedings. 
 
 The English, however, not being disposed to re- 
 lish this kind of treatment, appealed to their ultiam 
 ratio, commenced a war on our commerce, and thus 
 collected their demands by virtue of the authority 
 of their cannon. The immense losses which of 
 consequence fell upon the merchants of the eastern 
 and middle states in the year 1793, by British cap- 
 tures, will not soon be forgotten. 
 
 But this was not all. Mr. King in pursuance of 
 instructions of the federal administration, negoci- 
 ated for the payment, at the treasury of the United 
 States, of 600,000/. sterling, nearly three millions 
 of dollars, for losses sustained by British subjects, 
 by legal impediments to prevent the collection of 
 their demands chiefly against these Virginia debtors. 
 
 Thus Virginian delinquency cost the United States 
 nearly 3,000,000 dollars, subjected us to those de- 
 predations on our commerce in 1793, by which the 
 country sustained immense losses, and laid the foun- 
 dation for Mr. Jay's treaty, which has excited so 
 
MOBOCRACY. U7 
 
 To haag a murderer and a pirate 
 Was tyraiiizing at a high rate, 
 
 much clamour among our precious patriots against 
 the federal administration; 
 
 ^® Were first propos'd by Giles's band. 
 
 The standing army, the funding system, and 
 the land tax have each furnished most fruitful topics 
 of democratic declamation, and the party in power 
 by^tfully attaching to the federalists the odium, 
 which the mere mention of these bug-bear mea- 
 sures, has never failed to excite, have succeeded in 
 accomplishing their political destruction. We have 
 already shown on what occasion the army was rais- 
 ed. The funding system, the theme of never ceas- 
 ing clamour, from those who have uniformly op- 
 posed every public measure, vi^hich had a tendency 
 to promote the honor and happiness of our country, 
 met the unequivocal approbation of one of the great- 
 est giants of the dominant faction. Gallatin in his 
 treatise on the fii)ances of the United States, after 
 finding all the fault he decently could with the mea- 
 sures of the federal administration, has the follow- 
 ing remarks. 
 
 '* Let it not be supposed that any of those reflec- 
 tions are intended to convey any censure on that 
 part of the funding system, which provided for the 
 payment of the interest of the proper debt of the 
 United States. They are designed merely to .<■ ha«.v 
 
148 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Alarmed the gallows- dreading clan, 
 
 In love with Tom Pain's " Rights of Man." 
 
 that the propriety of that measure must depend 
 solely on its justice. Whether the debt had been 
 funded on the plan of discrimination in favour of 
 the original holders, or those who had performed 
 the services, or, as has been the case in favour of 
 the purchasers of certificates, the general effects 
 would have been nearly the same ; and unless the 
 American government had chosen to forfeit every 
 claim to common honesty it must necessarily pro- 
 vide for discharging the principal, or paying the 
 interest to one or the other of two descriptions of 
 persons."* 
 
 It is likewise a fact that the land tax " was a 
 measure to which the federalists had been urged 
 for years by their political opponents because they 
 foresaw in it the ruin of their power." See Bay- 
 ard's speech on the Judiciary Bill. 
 
 " They'd crown'd their robberies with arson. 
 
 It cannot be forgotten that such was the ciy of 
 
 * Here is displayed a little of this gentleman's 
 sort of cunning. In the name of common sense hoit} 
 •was it possible for the government to establish a fund 
 in favour of some individuals^ ivho might hold these 
 securities to the prejudice of ether individuals^ ivho 
 might held the same sort of securities. Shall a pro- 
 
MOBOCRACY. 149 
 
 Poor Carleton was most sadly frighted, 
 Felt all his sympathies excited.... 
 
 the demagogue papers from one end of the United 
 States to the other. A committee, however, being 
 appointed to enquire ii^4o the causes of the fires, 
 these gentlemen were honorably exculpated, and 
 democrats were under the necessity of inventing 
 new falsehoods to answer the purposes of the party. 
 It happened very providentially, that all the papers 
 which were necessary to show the perfect integrity, 
 not only of Mr. Wolcott, but of the whole Federui 
 administration in fiscal conce rns, were saved. 
 
 9* Because the British hung one Robbins. 
 
 The lie about Robbins the British pirate, so often 
 affirmed by democrats to have been an American 
 citizen, and born in Danbury in Connecticut, has 
 been repeated times without number by the demo- 
 cratic newspapers. 
 
 This tale was propagated with an intention to 
 throw odium on Mr. Adams for having directed the 
 criminal to be surrendered to justice. It appears 
 that his letter to Judge Bee, and which has been 
 the ground of all the clamour of Robbins' symfia' 
 
 missory vote fiayahle to A. or bearer^ and purchased 
 by B. not be collected by the latter^ because he paid 
 less tlian its nominal value^ and run the risk of the 
 failure of the draivcr ? 
 
150 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Was very properly perplext 
 
 Lest his own turn might be the next. 
 
 In grade of crimes but one step higher 
 Had brought the vile recorded liar,'* 
 
 thizing friends, merely directed him to be delivered 
 up if proved to be a British subject and a pirate 
 and a murderer. The man previous to his execu- 
 tion acknowledged himself to be a British subject, 
 and owned that the sentence by which he suffered 
 'Was just. But Mr. Carleton would not agree to this. 
 This tender hearted gentleman, editor of the Salem 
 Register, and his brethren in iniquity, declared that 
 Robbins was a good man, and an American citizen, 
 and Adams a tyrant, who had been instrumental in 
 his destruction. Indeed it is not very marvellous 
 that a good democrat should feel an interest in ihe 
 sufferings of one whose life and conversation de- 
 dared him to be a member of their fraternity. 
 
 " Never did trusty squire with knight 
 
 Or knight with squire e*er jump more right," 
 
 HUDIBRAS, 
 
 *9 Had brought the vile recorded liar. 
 
 Carleton has been indicted, found guilty, and 
 jpunished with fine and imprisonment for publish- 
 ing a false and malicious libel on Mr. Pickering, 
 
MOBOCRACY. 151 
 
 (Were justice done in such a case) 
 To Robbins, alias Nash's place. 
 
 Thus theives are rarely known to toast 
 Their enemy the whipping post, 
 And felons commonly exhibit 
 No little spleen against a gibbet. 
 
 Hence, in these democratic times, 
 This hanging people for their crimes 
 Is thought a most obnoxious thing. 
 By those who know they ought to swing, 
 
 I Now common decency defying, 
 I They ply their dirty trade of lying, 
 / Hold out such falsehoods, ^/^ lerrorem, 
 { That no good man can stand before 'em. 
 
 And many a patriot's forc'd to doff his 
 Old fashioned honesty for office. 
 Become a supple, and time serving 
 Rasoal, to keep himself from starving. 
 
 Each lie they tell, though ne'er so horrid a 
 Vile gang repeats from Maine to Florida, 
 And when found out and people hiss it 
 In sneaking silence they dismiss it» 
 
IS* MOBOCRACY. 
 
 No cur can wag his tail or yelp 
 But what puts in his mickle help, 
 For every puppy in the pack 
 Is taught his proper scent and track. 
 
 In short they lied, through thick and thin, 
 Till Jefferson at last came in, 
 And made fair promises in plenty. 
 Provided he'd kept one in twenty. 
 
 Yes.. ..we wereraptur'd when he said 
 We're all republicans and fed- 
 Ral, fellow countrymen, Americans, [canes. 
 And hop'd we'd done with Factions hurri- 
 
 With such professions all were suited 
 But soon his conduct all refuted, 
 What time his highness made a shift 
 To send our staunchest men adrift. 
 
 The veteran chiefs of seventy-six, 
 If by sad chance their politicks 
 Displeas'd the Carter Mountain hero, 
 \JIe persecuted like a Nero ;"* 
 
 ^^ He persecuted like a Nero. 
 I do not mean to assert that Mr. Jefferson hung, 
 
MOBOCRACY. 153 
 
 Humphrey and Putman, Fish, and others, 
 Whom Washington esteemed as brothers, 
 Displaced to please the vilest set 
 That ever plagu'd a nation yet. 
 
 burnt, or guillotined his opponents. But perhaps 
 the means by which the federalists have been " op- 
 pugnated," have been but little less destructive to 
 the sufferers, and but little more honorable on the 
 part of those who have adopted such means. Starv- 
 ing a nian and his family, is doubtless, an effectual 
 method of dispatching him. 
 
 Most of the federalists, who held offices under 
 the Washington and Adams administrations, had > 
 devoted much time and expense to qualify them- 
 selves for such offices, and in many instances had 
 relinquished lucrative professions and branches of 
 business, that they might the better perform the 
 duties of those offices. These have been displaced 
 for young and ignorant persons, and in many in- 
 stances foreigners, whose sole recommendation has 
 been their Jeffersonian politics, while the war-worn 
 veteran who had fought the battles of our Inde- ( 
 pendence, and grown, not only old, but fioor, in ac- / 
 live services for his country, is prohibited from/ 
 lasting the fruits of his labours, by the faction, 
 which is now dominant, and seems willing " to owe 
 their greatness to their country's ruin." 
 
 To give a catalogue of all the worthies, who have 
 adorned Mr. Jefferson's Proscription list, would be 
 to name almost every honest man who held an)c^ 
 
154 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 But as I had from natal hour 
 Respect for great men, ivhile hi power ^ 
 I mean right merrily to chaunt o- 
 Ver his praise in my next canto. 
 
 office under government, at the time Mr. Jefferson 
 was elected. 
 
 The following is a list of a few, who were remov- 
 ed from office, for no other reason than their being 
 obnoxious on account of tfeeir political opinions : 
 
 John Wilkes Kittera, Attorney for the Eastern 
 District, Pennsylvania ; John Hall, Marshal of the 
 same District ; Samuel Hogdon, Superintendant of 
 Public Stores at Philadelphia ; John Harris, Store 
 Keeper at the same place ; Henry Miller, Super- 
 visor of the Revenue of the District of Pennsylva- 
 nia ; J. M. Lingan, Attorney for the District of 
 Columbia ; Thomas Iwan, Attorney ; John Pierce, 
 Commissioner of Loans for the State of Nevvhamp- 
 shire ; Thomas Martin, Collector of the District 
 of Portsmouth, in the same state ; Jacob Sheaffe, 
 Navy Agent at Portsmouth ; Richard Harrison, 
 Attorney for the District of New-York ; Aquila 
 Giles, Marshal of the same District ; James Wat- 
 son, Navy Agent for New- York ; Joshua Sands, 
 Collector of the Port of New-York ; Nicholas Fisli, 
 Supervisor of the District of New-York ; William 
 Smith, Minister Plenipotentiary to the Court of 
 Portugal ; William Vans Murray, Minister Resi- 
 dent to the Batavian Republic ; David Humphreys, 
 Minister Pleoipotentiarjr to the Court of Madrid j 
 
MOBOCRACY. 155 
 
 Good reader these are merely sketches 
 Of democratic feats and fetches, 
 Their tricks, to which no honest man 
 Has ever stoop'd nor ever can. 
 
 EHzur Goodrich, Collector of New-Haven, John 
 Chester, Supervisor of the District of Connecti- 
 cut ; Ray Greene, Judge of Rhode-Island District ; 
 Winthrop Sargeant, Governor of the Missisippi 
 Territory ; David Hopkins, Marshal of the District 
 of Maryland ; Andrew Bell, Collector of the Port of 
 Amboy ; Aaron Dunham, Supervisor of the Dis- 
 trict of New-Jersey ; James Dole, Marshal of the 
 District of Albany ; Robert Hamilton, Marshal of 
 the District of Delaware ; Harrison G. Otis, At- 
 torney for the District of Massachusetts ; Chauncey 
 Whittlesey, Collector of Middletown, Connecticut; 
 Amos Marsh, Attorney for the District of Ver- 
 mont J Jabez Fitch, Marshal for the same District ; 
 Samuel Bradford, Marshal of the District of Mas- 
 sachusetts ; Thomas Perkins, Commissioner of 
 Loans for the State of Massachusetts ; cuin multis 
 aUis^ all good men and true ; and we believe that 
 their successors in office have been men, whose 
 talents, reputation, or pretensions to public patron- 
 age, could in no way entitle them to take the pre- 
 cedence of the gentlemen who were displaced, had 
 not the spirit of party turned the " world upside 
 down." 
 
 Well might Mr. Bayard observe of such manage- 
 ment by the party in power *• It is in this path we 
 
156 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Thus Weishaupt erst had made no pother 
 His brat to poison, and its mother, 
 Lest crimes reveal'd should cause a schism 
 With founders of Illuminism. . 
 
 'Twould cost whole Mexic gulphs of rhyme, 
 (To deal in Crusca'strue sublime,) 
 Their deeds of darkness to display 
 And drag these Cacusses to day.'*** 
 
 see the real victims of stern, uncharitable, unrc- 
 lentinj^ power. It is here, we see the soldier 
 
 WHO FOUGHT THE BATTLES OF THE REVOLUTION ; 
 
 ivho sfiilt his bloody and wasted his strength to estab- 
 lish the Indefiendence of His coun'ry ; defirived of the 
 reward of Jus services^ a?2d left to fane in penury and 
 toretchedness. It is along this path that yozi may. see 
 helpless children crying for breads and gray hairs 
 sinking i?i sorrow to the graive ! It is here that no 
 innocence^ no merits no truths no services can save the 
 unhappy sectary, who does ?iot believe in the creed oj 
 those in power." 
 
 wi And drag these Cacusses to day. 
 
 In order to please, if possible, those of our readers 
 who are fond of the *' mazes of metaphorical con- 
 fusion" we have here jumbled together narrative 
 and metaphor in a delightful manner. The Cacus 
 to -whom we allude was a sturdy democrat wh» 
 
MOBOCRACY nr 
 
 Although, as has before been seen. 
 The federal hands were ever clean. 
 Our public money has i!s charms 
 To tickle democratic palms. 
 
 Good democrats can't Jive on brouse and 
 Take therefore now and then a thousand 
 Of public cash, and make amends 
 By being « We the People's'' friends. 
 
 A hundred thousand, it is said 
 Was pocketed by dashing Ned,io^ 
 
 stole some cattle and hid tlieni in a cave, (very like Mr 
 
 Jefferson's.) He was fouiul out however and destroyed 
 
 by Hercules, and 
 
 Panditur extemplo foribns domus atra revulsis ; 
 
 Abstractasque boves, abjurataequc raping 
 
 Coelo ostenduntur; pedibusque informe cadaver— 
 
 Protrahitur.— . , 
 
 YEneid Lib. viii. L. 262, &c. 
 
 102 Was pocketed by dashing Ned. 
 
 Mr. Harrison was displaced from the office of District 
 Attorney for having, like Washington, Adams and other 
 Antijacobins. been guilty of the heinous crime of fede- 
 ralism, and Ned Livingstone appointed by virtue of his 
 P 
 
158 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 And patriot Randolph had before 
 With fifty thousand run a shore. ^03 
 
 Had these been Federal men no doubt 
 There'd been a most confounded rout, 
 IV Aurora fraught with Duane\s thunder 
 Had quick aveng'd such "public plujnder." 
 
 mighty merits as a democrat. Mr. Harrison, the obnoxi- 
 ous federalist discharged the duties of his office, as his poli- 
 tical opponents acknowledge, with ability and fidelity, 
 and was never even suspected of having applied to his 
 own use the people's money. But Mr. Ned took the li- 
 berty to appropriate to his own private purposes the trif- 
 ling sum of one hundred thovrsand dollars as appears by 
 a judgment obtained against him in the District Court of 
 the United States, and is now liWng on the people's mo- 
 ney, in a stile of genuine extravagance at New-Orleans. 
 If one feels a disposition to be a rogue, what a fine affair 
 it is to be a good democrat ! 
 
 103 With fifty thousand run ashore. 
 
 It is very remarkable that with all the clamour against 
 Messrs. Pickering and Wolcott for pretended defalcations, 
 misappropriations and other malconduct in office, that 
 our goad democratic cominittees, &c. should be so care^ 
 ful to forget to mention the deficiency of Mr. patriot 
 Randolph, former Secretary of State. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 1^9 
 
 But every democrat intends 
 To use some freedom with his friends. 
 And if contented with their purse 
 Let them be thankful 'tis no worae. 
 
 But still it seems there's something hard in 't. 
 When federal men, with zeal most ardent, 
 Have serv'd their country, every gander 
 Should hiss, and spatter them with slander. 
 
 Behold the play wrigbt Barney Bid well, ^^o 
 (And democrats declare he hid well) 
 
 UO Behold the play Wright Barney Bid well. 
 
 Mr. Senator Bid well the subject of the present eulogi- 
 um, exhibited the germ of those talents, which have since 
 budded, and blossomed and bloomed in the rankest lux- 
 uriance of democracy, in a juvenile production of most 
 ' astonishing ingenuity, **inlitled and called the merce- 
 nary MATCH." From some specimens of that perform- 
 ance with which we have been favoured by the Editor of 
 the Boston Repertory, we are led to suppose that the good 
 goddess of dullness could never boast of a more hopeful 
 pupil. A small calf may make a large bullock, and a 
 stupid and cquceited boy is often matured to a very know- 
 ing demagogue. 
 
IdO MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Has twisted into one oration, ^*i 
 Falsehoods enough to d — n a natio». 
 
 But this man lies to such degree I 
 (Forc'd, ex necessitate rei,) 
 With due civility, will strip him. 
 Then take and tie him up, and whip him. 
 
 And I will teach this Mr. Barney 
 To cheat the people with his blarney. 
 And I will teach him to be plying 
 The dirty trade of party-lying, 
 
 And first he tells us, our Great Nation 
 Was born slap dash, by Declaration 
 
 14 1. Has twisted into one oration. 
 
 We ought, perhaps, to apologise to our readers for 
 troubling them with remarks on such an insipid thing as 
 t}ie harangue in question. But as this production of Mr. 
 Bidwell may serve as a specimen of the general tenor of 
 the democratic Fourth of July speeches which have fallen 
 ■within our notice, we hope that our remarks may be ©f 
 service to such of our young gentlemen of the New School 
 as may be called hereafter to exhibit oratorical talents on 
 any similar occasion. 
 
MOBOCRACV. 161 
 
 Of Independence, in the day time. 
 Most vile economy ! — in hay time /i^s 
 
 What next evinces that his knowledge is 
 Enough to enter some neiv Colleges, 
 
 142. Mojt vile economy !— f« hay thne ! 
 
 " By the Dedaration of Independence, which has ju&t 
 Ipeen read, a Nation was politically born in a day." 
 
 The story of our Nation's being born on the Fourth of 
 July, 1776, has been told us in prose and in poetry, times 
 without number. Mr. Bidwdl has added an important 
 appendage of drcumstances ; and we have taken the li- 
 berty to enlarge further on the phenomena attending this 
 birth. In the first place, we learn by Mr. B. that our na- 
 tion was born very suddenly. Secondly, ti)at in this 
 wonderful birth, the Declaration of Independence acted 
 z.^ accoucheur. Thirdly, that this was -d political h\Y\.h , 
 Fourthly, that ail this was done in a day. Fifthly, that this 
 important instrument, or agent, or accoucheur, hadjiist 
 been read. Sixthly, we have taken the liberty to add, that 
 in such a busy season of the year, genuine republican 
 economy should have directed all these operations to 
 have been performed in the night, which, besides a sav- 
 ing of time, would have superadded the advantages of all 
 the silence and solemnity of a Virginian caucus, 
 t2 
 
162 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 We find him most precisely showing 
 How long the late war was a gomg.^'^^ 
 
 He tells us even to a minute 
 What time the British did begin it ; 
 And likewise, what some don't remember. 
 We made a peace once, in November. 
 
 After this flight, which most immense is. 
 Before you find your scattered senses. 
 Behold our orator still rising. 
 To matter more and more surprising. 
 
 For that in his sublime opinion, 
 
 George Washington ivas a Virginian! ^^^ 
 
 143. How long the late war was a going. 
 
 " The revolutionary war," quoth Mr. Bid well, " occupi- 
 ed a little more than seven years and a half, from the bat 
 tie of Lexington, on the 19th of April 1775, to the sign- 
 ing provincial articles of peace on the 30th of November, 
 1782. Highly important ! 
 
 144 George Washington was a Virginia^. 
 
 *' The British troops commtncsd actual hostilitie* ia 
 
MOBOCRACY. US 
 
 Which, since 'tis down in black and white, 
 '' I'll bet a beaver hat" he's right. 
 
 One thing, by accident he rniss'd 
 To state he was a federahst. 
 Possessed antipathy, niost hearty 
 To Barney Bidwell's precious party J^^ 
 
 April, 1775. An army was raised for defence, and 
 George VVash^^ngton, of Virginia was appointed 
 commander in chief." Surprising intelligence ! 
 
 145 To Barney Bidwell's precious party. 
 
 The following extract of a letter from General Wash- 
 ington to Cliarles Carrol o^" Maryland, dated Mount 
 Vernon, August 2, 1798, several months after passing 
 all those laws, wi^ich seem so obnoxious to the party 
 BOW in power, will show what right they have to claim 
 any advantage from the popularity of his name. 
 
 ** Although," says Gen. Washington '^1 highly approve 
 of the measures taken by government, to place this 
 country in a posture of defence, and even wish they had 
 been more energetic, and shall be ready to obey its call 
 under the reservations I have made, whenever it is made : 
 yet I am not without hope, mad and intoxicated as the 
 French are, that they will pause, before they take the 
 liast step. That they have been deceived ki their calct- 
 
164 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Then full of patriotic choler, 
 He yells out syllables of dolour 
 Against your British rogues^ who would 
 Have hungoiir best whigs-if they could, i'*^ 
 
 But carefully forgets to say- 
 How Jefferson had run away ; 
 
 lations on the division of the people and the powerful 
 support they expect from their party is reduced to a cer- 
 tainty, though it is somewhat equivocal still, whether 
 THAT PARTY, who have been the curse of this 
 COUNTRY, and the source of the expences we 
 HAVE TO encounter, may not be able to continue 
 THEIR DELUSION. What pity it is the experKe could 
 not be taxed upon them." 
 
 146 Have hung our best whigs— if they could. 
 
 '' With halters about their necks, the signers of the 
 Declaration of Independence set their names to an in- 
 strument, which in case of failure, they knew must be 
 their death warrant. Yes, my friend, had the revolu- 
 tion been crushed, they would have been distinguished 
 from common rebels, and signally executed, or exiled." 
 Very true Mr. Bidwell, bat wc shall see presently w'her« 
 your party will land with this kind of reasoning. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 16S 
 
 How many more, in whom he glories 
 Had sav*d their necks by being tories.^*^ 
 
 He next proceeds like ignoramus. 
 Or artful rogue as you could name us. 
 To state the motives and intendments. 
 In constitutional amendments, i^* 
 
 U7 Had sav'd their necks by being tories. 
 
 I would not be understood as intending io satirize the 
 
 tories as such. There were, undoubtedly, many to- 
 ries, who were honest men and true friends to their 
 country, but who supposed that opposition to Great- 
 Rritain was, wrong in principle, and impossible in prac- 
 tice. But since our democrats are stigmatizing the fede- 
 ralists, with this among other unpopular epithets, it be- 
 comes necessary to repel the charge as often as it is made 
 or insinuated. I believe it will be found difficult to find 
 any among the native Americans, who took an active 
 part during the revolutionary war against their country, 
 who have not since been induced, by the same kind of 
 time-serving policy, and want of principle to become 
 democrats, and who, like Talleyrand, or the Vicar of 
 Bray are not willing to become any thing and every thing, 
 which interest dictates. See note 19, p. 12. 
 
 148 Of constitutional amendments. 
 
 Mr. Bid well affirms that the amendment of the consti- 
 tution, which declaretl a state not suable by a private 
 
160 MaBOCRACY. 
 
 Through labyrinths of nonsense trudges, 
 To fib about the federal judges,^ ^^ 
 
 citizen, and that which made it necessary to designate 
 by electoral votes the distinct candidates for President 
 and Vice President were republican. If Mr. Bidwell 
 will give the same meaning to the term republican that 
 Buonaparte has ever done, we shall ijot dispute with 
 him. The republicanism of the latter is but despotism in 
 disguise, and that of the former with a proper analysis 
 will be found to be substantially the same. 
 
 The legislature of the stale of Georgia, under shelter 
 of its inviolability has been guilty of a flagrant breach of 
 contract — hiis burnt its records and shaken the pillars of 
 society by striking at the right of property. Similar cases 
 may again happen, and according to Mr. Bid well's re- 
 publican amendment, there can no responsibility attach 
 to the violation of a principle, which forms the basis of 
 civilized society. The other republican amendment opens 
 a wide door for intrigue and corruption, takes away a pow- 
 erful check which the smaller states possessed over the 
 larger, and flies directly in the face of the constitution 
 as it originally stood. 
 
 The reasoning of Mr. Tracy respecting this amend- 
 vient, (falsely so called) one would suppose was irresisti- 
 ble ; and indeed we do not pretend to so much charity as 
 not to be induced to impeach the motives of those State 
 cobblers, who by this and other similar proceedings, have 
 frittered away our Constitution, and broken down those 
 barriers which, by the wisdom of its framers, were de- 
 ftigneU to give stability to society. 
 
MOBOCRACY. Uf 
 
 Proceeds, adroitly to abridp^e 
 The subtle speech of Breckcii ridge. 
 
 The following extract, quoted from Mr. Tracy'a 
 speech ill the Senate of the United Stales upon this sub- 
 ject, contains arguments and facts, which ought to have 
 been conclusive against this mischievou-. innovation. 
 
 ♦^ The constitution, is nicely balanced with the Federa- 
 tive and the popular principles ; the Senate are the guard- 
 ians of the former, and any pretence to destroy this ba- 
 lance, under whatever specious names or pretences they 
 may be mentioned should be watched with a jealous eye. 
 Perhaps a fair definition of the constitutional power of 
 amending is that you may, upon experiment, so modify 
 the constitution, in its practice and operation as to give it 
 in its oxvn principles a more complete effect- But this is 
 an attack upon a fundamental principle, established after 
 long deliberation, and by material concession : a princi^ 
 pie of essential importance to the instrument itself, and an 
 attempt to wrest from the small states a vested right ; 
 and by it to increase the power and influence of the large 
 States." 
 
 ** Nothing can be more obvious than the intention of 
 the plan, adopted by our constitution for choosing a Pre- 
 sident. The Electors are to nominate two persons, of 
 whom they cannot know which will be the President, 
 This circumstance not only induces them to select both 
 from the best men ; but gives a direct advantage into the 
 hands of the small state--, even in the Electoral choice; 
 for they can always elect from the two candidates, set up 
 by the Electors of large states, by throwing their votes 
 
168 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Then prates about each federal tax. 
 And dealing out his thumps and thwacks, 
 Hits Madison, a clever jwke,i'^o [stroke 1 
 Right o*er the sconce, a knock down 
 
 upon their favorite ; and of course giving hira a majorityi 
 or if the Electors of the large stales should preveni this ef- 
 fect they can scatter their votes for one candidate, then the 
 Electors of the small states would have it in their power 
 to elect a Vice President. So fiiat in any event the small 
 states v'iil have a considerable agency in the eleciion. 
 But if the discriminating or designating principle is car- 
 ried, as contained in this resolution, the whole agency of 
 the small states, in the Electoral choice of Chief Magis- 
 trate is destroyed, and their chance of obtaining a federa- 
 tive choice, by states, if not destroyed is very much di- 
 tiiinished.'* 
 
 JC9 To fib about the federal judgei^ 
 
 Among the sophisms and misrepresentations with 
 which this harrangue is teeming, those respecting our 
 federal judges are not the least mischievous. Mr. Bid- 
 well informs us that ** the office of an English judge is 
 and always has been repealable by an act of the Legisla. 
 ture." To this we shall oppose the conclusive reasoning 
 of General Hamilton, taken from his " Examination of 
 the President's Message ab the opening of Co'-gress De* 
 cember 7. 1801. than which a more able political tract 
 never fcil from the pen of a statesman. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 169 
 
 The stamp act rails at, as a horrid 
 Thing with the beast's mark in its forehead, 
 
 ** One more defence of this formidable claim^* (to 
 wit, of abolishing the ofifices of the Federal Judges) " is at. 
 tempted to be drawn from the example of the Judiciary 
 establishment of Great Britain. It is observed, that this 
 establishment, the theme of copious eulogy on account of 
 the Independence of the Judges, places these officers on 
 a footing far less firm than will be that of the Judges of 
 the United States, even admitting the right of Congress 
 to abolish their offices, by abolishing the Courts of which 
 they are members: and as one p;oof of the assertion, it is 
 mentioned that the English Judges are removable by the 
 King, on the address of the two houses of Parliament. 
 
 ** All this might be very true, and yet would prove noth- 
 ing as to what is, or ought to be the construction of our 
 Constitution on this point. It is plain from the provision 
 respecting compensation that the framers of that Consti- 
 tution intended to |)rop the independence of t])e Judges 
 beyond the precautions which have been adopted in 
 England in respect to the Judges of that country ; and 
 the intention apparent in this particular, is an argument, 
 that the same spirit may have governed other provisions. 
 Cogent reasons have been assigned, applicable to our sys- 
 tem, and not applicable to the British system, for setij,- 
 ring the independence of our Judges against the Legisla- 
 ture, as well as against the Executive power. 
 
 *' It is alleged that the statute of Great Britain of the 13 
 of W illiam III. was the model from which the franiers of 
 Q 
 
170 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Although *tis known to all but asses. 
 It did not touch the lower classes. ^"^ 
 
 our constitution copied the provisions for the independ- 
 ence of the Judiciary. It is certainly true, that the idea 
 of the tenure of office during good behaviour, found in 
 several of our constitutions, is borrowed from that source. 
 But it is evident that the framers of our federal system 
 did not mean to confine themselves to that model. — Hence 
 the restraint of the legislative discretion, as to compensa- 
 tion ; hence the omission of the provision for the removal 
 of the judges by the executive, on the application of the 
 two branches of the legislature ; a provision, which has 
 been imitated in some of the state governments." See 
 No. 17 of aseries of essays with the signature of Lucius 
 Crassus, originally published in the Evening Post, and 
 afterwards printed in a pamphlet. 
 
 Again, says the learned orator Bidvvell, " The very act 
 erecting the circuit courts expressly abolished pre-existing 
 courts.* Yet it was afterwards contended that the courts 
 created by that act could not be constitutionally abolish- 
 ed." 
 
 Thetruth, however, is, that that act did not abolish pre- 
 existing courts in such a way as to affect the dignity or 
 
 * '' The act now under consideration is a legislative 
 construction of this clause in the constitution, that can- 
 gress may abolish as zvell as create these judicial officers ; 
 because it does expressly, in the Sith section, abolish 
 the then existing courts for the purpose of making waff 
 i'or thepiese7)t.'' — Breckenridge's speech. 
 
MOBOCRACY. 171 
 
 Then heaps upon the honest head« 
 Of independent upright Feds, 
 
 emoluments of the judges wlio held offices under the first es- 
 tablishment. The number of the judgesof the supreme 
 court was to have been reduced from six to five, and the ac- 
 reduction was deferred to the happening of a vacancy. 
 But an extract from Mr. Morris' speech will exhibit the 
 fallacy of Mr. Bidwell's reasoning in a point of vie\f 
 ■which cannot but be conclusive against him. 
 
 " Jt is said, that by this law, the district judges in 
 Tennessee and Kentucky are removed from office, by 
 making them circuit judges. And again, that you have 
 by 'law appointed two new offices, those of tb.e circuit 
 judges, and filled them by law, instead of pursuing the 
 modes of ai)pointment prescribed by the constitution. 
 It does indeed put down the district courts, but is so far 
 from destroying the o^ces of district judges, that it de- 
 clares the persons filling those offices shall perform the 
 dwiy oi \\o\(\\w^ circuit courts ; and so far is it from ap- 
 pointing circuit judges y that it declares the circuit courts 
 shall be held by the district judges." 
 
 Mr. Bidwell in the next place is pleased to inform us 
 that judges are annually elected in Connecticut. But he 
 does not say that such annual election is brought about 
 by violating the constitution ; neither does he say that an 
 ijidependent judiciary would not be a desideratum in that 
 state. 
 
 170 Hits Maddison, a clever joke. 
 
 Mr. Bidwell rails at the federalists for levying dire<;t 
 taxes, complains of the permanent olfices {contingent he 
 
;172 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Whatever measure could be found. 
 With something dreadful in its sound. 
 
 should say) thereby created ; and among others, the land 
 tax is an object of his particular animadversion. The act, 
 liowever, wliich imposed this terrible tax, was not altoge- 
 ther of federal origin ; and if there is any odium to be at- 
 tached to that measure, (which I deny) our democrats 
 ought, in due degree, to suffer. This will appear from 
 the following statement, every word of which can bt 
 abundantly proved from public documents : 
 
 *' A ccnimittee of wajs and means, consisting of one 
 member of each state, were appointed for the purpose of 
 dt vising t]ie best method of raising a tax. The democratic 
 gentlemen, with Mr, Maddison at their head, proposed, 
 and (this liaxing become the opinion of the majoiity) 
 reported in favour of a land tax, and in consequence Mr. 
 Wolcott was directed to frame a report for that purpose, 
 and present it at the next session of congress, when are- 
 port was accepted in favour of the land tax. Mr. Maddi- 
 son, whose measure it was considered to be, was the man 
 who particularly appeared on the floor as its defender and 
 supporter. Jt islikewii^e a fact, that Mr. Gallatin, in his 
 book of finances, has expressly recommended a land tax 
 to tl'.e admihi-tiation." Aciv-York Eienitig Pest, July 
 \b. 1S03. 
 
 17 1 It did not touch the poorer classes. 
 
 Nothing can prove more effectually the influence of 
 names, abstracted from tJie things which they represent, 
 than the circumstance of the federal stamp act having 
 
MOBOCRACY. 173 
 
 At length winds up with such a series 
 Of wicked and deceptive qaerie s 
 
 .172 
 
 been obnoxious to the middling, and lower classes of the 
 American people. Farmers and meclianics, who perhaps 
 would not be liable to pay a cent a year, were prevailed 
 upon by demagogues to be very much alarmed at the 
 idea of this tax being something dreadful in its nature 
 and tettdency, — something like the old British stamp act, 
 in which, not the tax itself, but the right to impose it was 
 the object of di>pute. 'loo many well meaning men 
 were prodigiously frighted at the idea of the stamp act 
 being the harbinger of Federal Monarchy, or some other 
 sort of incomprehensible tyranny. They therefore op- 
 posed this tenible measure, and were i.xdulged with 
 taxes on brown suii;ar, salt and bohea lea, in its stead, by 
 which a revenue is derived altogether from the middling 
 and lower classes. This looks as if it might be possible 
 for the people to be '* their own worst enemies." 
 
 172 Of wicked and di^ceptive queries. 
 
 We shall not fatigue our readers, with a repetition of 
 those queries. They are in suostance merely inquiries 
 whether the people of the United States would be pleased 
 witii the re-adoption of the same measures which former- 
 ly charactet ised the federal administration? Whether a 
 land tax, excise law, a standing army, &c. &c. would be 
 again submitted to by the citizens of the United States? 
 
 To this we might answer in a word : Similar circum- 
 stances miglit render similar measures not only advisable,. 
 (^2 
 
ir4 MOBOCRACY, 
 
 That all must own this son of slander 
 Well fitted for his party's pander. 
 
 Honestus joins in dismal tone,n3 
 And howls about a dreadful loan, 
 In which the Fed'ral Government 
 Gave no less sum than eight per cent.^'^'* 
 
 but indispensable to preserve our independence as a na- 
 tion. If a Gallatin should organize an insurrection ; if* 
 Gallo- American faction should form a league with Buona- 
 parte, or a French ambassador, aided by wrong-headed 
 and treacherous Americans, should attempt to prostrate 
 our country at the foot of France ; if Great-Britain or 
 France should find leisure from their own disputes to com- 
 mit depredations on our commerce, we shall be under 
 the necessity of again recurring to federal men, and fede- 
 ral measures, or resign our honour, our respectability, 
 and probably, our independence as a nation. 
 
 173. Honestus joins in dismal tone. 
 
 One of the proprietors, and the principal writer in the 
 Bostpn Chronicle, assumes the signature of Honestus. 
 
 174. Gave no less sum than eight per cent. 
 
 This loan which has occasioned so much clamour 
 among our demagogues, was rendered necessary by the 
 
MOBOCRACY. IfS 
 
 Though well the said Honestus knows 
 From what necessity it rose. 
 And had foundation, in reality. 
 From his dear party's own rascality. 
 
 He knows peculiar exigencies 
 Led to great national expences. 
 And that this loan at its creation 
 Received our best men*s approbation. 
 
 He knows that Washington declared 
 Those great expences should be shared 
 Among such fellows as Honestus 
 And others like him, who infest us.^'^^ 
 
 dangers wiiich threatened us from France, and from the 
 expences of Gallatin's insurrection. A committee of con- 
 gress, who were, no doubt, nearly 2ls, competent to judge 
 oftliis business as Mr. Honestus, with the concurrence of 
 Mr. Nicholson, and otiicr democrats, unanimously re- 
 ported that they saw " no reason to doubt that these loans 
 were negociated on the best terms which could be procur- 
 ed, and with a laudable view to the public interest." 
 
 175. And others hke him, who infest us. 
 
 In proof of this assertion, we would refer to General 
 Washington's letter to Mr. Carrol. Seepage 1G3' 
 
176 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 Yet still this creature's always carping. 
 The self sarna tune for ever harping 
 And has a deal of mischief done. 
 As drops perpetual wear a stone. 
 
 Thus have our Fed*ral men been branded 
 By artful modes, and underhanded. 
 And slander'd in a way surpassing 
 The cruelty of an assassin. — 
 
 By vile imported convicts goaded, 
 
 Harrass'd, with ignominy loaded. 
 
 By imputation, oftentimes 
 
 With weight of their opponent's crimes. ^"^^^ 
 
 176 With weight of their opponents crimes. 
 
 Pre-eminently hard is the fate of federalism, and sad is 
 the destiny of the followers of Washington, in being stig. 
 matized with the crimes of their opponents, and criminat- 
 ed tor the misfortunes and expenses which were the ne- 
 cessary result ofllie conduct of their political adversaries, 
 Virginian delinquency caused great depredations on our 
 commerce, and this was imputed to federalism. Demo- 
 crats organized a whiskey insurrection, which caused great 
 national expenses, these too were said to be the conse- 
 quence of federalism. The domineering views of France, 
 
MOBOCRACY. i77 
 
 But look at evVy Federal measure 
 Which has incurred such high displeasure. 
 And there's not one which you can men- 
 But pleads at least a good intention, [tion. 
 
 Have they their private interests furthered 
 That now their reputation's murther'd ? 
 And have they not 'iiiid party-war 
 Made public good their polar star ? 
 
 It must be own*d that their political 
 Career was not a little critical ; 
 Such times our land would overwhelm. 
 If democrats had been at helm. 
 
 It mus; be own'd wbateVr they've done 
 Was sanction'd by our Washington, 
 
 aided by the French faclioii in tliis country, in the opinion 
 of Wasiiin^lon, Adams, and the oiiier sages and ^atrioti 
 who at that time directed our councils, rendered a provi- 
 sional army necessary. This too was the sin of federalism. 
 But 
 
 "Troy yet may wake, atone avenging blow. 
 Crush the dire authors of their country's woe." 
 
178 MOBOCRACY. 
 
 And be allow'd as no less trno 
 He had no private ends in view. 
 
 Though many a rogue belonguig unto 
 The liireling JetTersonian junto. 
 Mils boldly said, but saying lied, 
 Oljr Washington was on their side ! — 
 
 Yet he abhorr'd them, and what worse is, 
 DonouncM them as our nation's curses, 
 But gave his strongest approbation 
 To Adams's administration. 
 
 And each and all the accusations 
 or Federal crimes and peculations. 
 Their adversaries knew full well 
 Were lies malicious, liilse as h-ll. 
 
 If such must be the modes that our 
 Great men must zcrig^lc into pow'r, 
 Our government will prove a curse 
 Than that of Algiers ten times worse : — 
 
 Until a tyrant of a king, 
 
 An emperor, or some such thing, 
 
MOBOCRACY. 179 
 
 And he the essence of the devil 
 Become a necessary evil.^'^"^ 
 
 177 Become a necessary evil. 
 
 It is well known that the faction, whicli lias built ilscU' 
 up on the ruins of the Washington and Adams' adminis- 
 trations, have been clamorous in their complaints against 
 the fedoralisls, for iheir pretended preililection to monar- 
 chy. Treatises written expressly in favour of the Ameri- 
 can government, and of the republican constitutions of the 
 several stales have been tortured into meanings finite 
 foreign from the ideas of their authors, in order to suit the 
 nefarious purposes of unprincipled parti/ans. Private 
 conversation, uttered in moments of conviviality, lias been 
 reported and misrepresented, with all Ihu artifice of llie 
 nn)st malicious ingenuity. Still we ar(r not informed of 
 any thing more having escaped the lips of any of tiie lead- 
 ing federal characters than general expressions of appre- 
 Iwnalon, lest this government should degenerate through 
 anarchy to despotism; and the hon. Fislier Ames, who 
 staiub among the most prominent of these pretended 
 monarchy-loving men, has declared in substance, that (/* 
 mniiarchj .should ctcr he estahlidicd in thia count ry, it 
 will be the work of the jacobins. 
 
 KNi> OF THE I'IKST VOLUME. 
 
ay 
 
 DEMOCRACY UNVEILED, 
 
 OR, 
 
 TYRANNY 
 
 STRIPPED OF THE 
 GARB OF PATRIOTISM. 
 
 BY CHRIS rOPHER CAUSTIC, L. L. D. 
 
 i>;c. Sfc. S^c. S;c. 8^c. S^x. ^c. SfC. SfC. 
 
 — ■ ' Citcum domus scelus ornne rdtxit. 
 
 You rogues ! you rogues ! you're all found out 
 And, ** We the People," I've no doubt. 
 Will put a period to your dashing, 
 And honest men will come in fashion. 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. II, 
 
 THIRD EDITION, WITH LARGE ADDITIONS. 
 
 NEIF-YORIC: 
 
 PRINTED FOR I. RILEY, 4^ CO, 
 
 180«. 
 
€ANTO IV. 
 
 €Se leffer^ottiat. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 With deference due, and huge humlfitj^ 
 Approaching Don Perfectibility, 
 We laud the man, by Demo's reckon'd 
 A sort of Jupiter the second, 1 
 Whose most correct administration 
 In annals of Illumination, 
 Will ever shine superbly splendid, 
 A long ti?ne after time is ended. 
 
 With awe, scarce short of adoration. 
 Before the glory of our nation. 
 With scrape submissive, cap in hand. 
 We, Doctor Caustic trembling stand > 
 
 1 A sort of Jupiter the second. 
 
 A very judicious encomiast on the " greatest man in 
 America," in an cZegawifpzi^, published, and republished 
 ia almost every democratic Newspaper in the United 
 
4 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 And offer with all veneration 
 Due to his Highnesses high station. 
 Our services to daub and gloss over 
 A philanthropical philosopher. 
 
 The mighty Chief of Carter's Mountain, 
 Of democratic power the fountain, 
 We would extol, his favour buying 
 By most profound and solid lying.^ 
 
 States, has amoug other daslmig matters, drawn a fla- 
 ming comparison between Messrs. JeffersoH and Jupiter. 
 Ihese two deities seem to share the universe betweea 
 them, and to hurl about their thunder and lightning at 
 an astonishing rate. Perhaps there never was a compa- 
 rison, which, as rhetoricians express themselves, went 
 more completely on all fours, than this to which we al- 
 lude. We think, however, that our Mr. Jupiter jun. 
 whenever he condescends to put on the terrible, is muck, 
 the most august of these two personages. 
 
 2 By most profound and solid 'yi ng. 
 
 Hutler, speaking, doubtless of a demagogue, says that 
 he was, 
 
 ■ ■■ ■.■■ « ■ for profound 
 
 And solid lying much renown'd. 
 A man may lie not only with impunity but with ap? 
 plause, provided his falshoods have a tendency to further 
 
 I 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 5 
 
 Sure never lucky man of rhyme 
 Was blest with subject more sublime. 
 And ere his virtues weVe reported. 
 We shall or ought to be — transportedl 
 
 Touched by our pencil, every fault 
 Shall fade away like mount of salt. 
 Which late, 'tis said, in weather rainy,. 
 Was melted in Louisiana.^ 
 
 Posterity shall puff the Statesman, 
 Whom we will prove is our first rate's man. 
 Nor Gaffer Time shall dare to tarnish 
 The character we mean to varnish. 
 
 But shall we not, as poets use 
 First set about to seek a muse, 
 
 the views of the hypocritical demagogues of the day. 
 See note 12, p. 8. vol. 1. 
 
 3 Was melted in Louisiana. 
 
 Although we liave not yet received official intelligence 
 
 of this most extraordinary phenomenon, yet, the silence 
 
 •which Mr. Jefferson has of late observed on the subject of 
 
 this stupendous curiosity, warrants the conclusion which . 
 
 we here take the liberty to draw, of its absolute fusion. 
 a2 
 
6 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 One of Apollo's fiddling lasses. 
 
 Who runs to grass on Mount Parnassus ? 
 
 Dost think we had not better choose 
 Some mad cap Delia Cruscan Muse, 
 To teach us featly to combine 
 A world of nonsense in a line ? 
 
 Or call on some frail worldly wench. 
 As did the revolutionary French, [knees on 
 When th' impious monkies bent their 
 Before their strumpet-goddess Reason ?'* 
 
 Or shall we undertake to hire 
 Some democratic muse, a liar. 
 Who would, for pelf, in lays most civil. 
 Sing Hallelujahs to the devil ? 
 
 4 Before their Strumpet-Goddess Reason ? 
 
 It is a fact well known to every one in the least con- 
 versant in the history of the French Revolution, that re- 
 ligious homage, with a great number of blasphemous cer- 
 emonies was rendered by the chief actors in that scene of 
 desolation to a common harlot. The object of their ado- 
 ration was tricked out with characteristic tawdriness, and 
 "personated Reason at that time the idol of those atro- 
 cious infidels. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. r 
 
 Or seek in dark and dirty alley 
 
 A Mr. Jefferson's Miss Sally, 
 
 In our Fj^ec Govtrnment no matter 
 
 Whether coal black, or swart mulatto ? 
 
 No— but with Gallatin's best whisky 
 OuRSELF will get a little frisky, 
 Then, either foot a poet's stilt on. 
 We'll strut away sublime as Milton. 
 
 Some say our chief regards religion 
 No more than wild goose, or a pigeon. 
 But I'll maintain, what seems an oddity^ 
 He's overstock'd with that commodity. 
 
 The man must have religion plenty 
 To soar from " no god" up to " twenty^'* 
 No doubt of common folks the odds 
 As no God is to twenty Gods.^ 
 
 5 As no God is to twenty Gods. 
 
 "We have ever greatly admired the wonderful political 
 pliancy of some of our clerical characters, in supporting 
 with so much ardour, a man wiio has ever been 
 hostile to the christian religion. But these gentle- 
 men no doubt suppose, that the reports of xMr. Jefferson's 
 
8 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Though his high mightiness was skittish. 
 When menaced by the bullying British 
 
 infidelity are all federal lies. We will however furnish 
 them with a few facts and arguments with which the 
 federalists fortify their assertions, not doubting in the least 
 that these candid and learned divines will contrive to 
 muster arguments to prove, that Mr. Jefferson is a very 
 pious and orthodox sort of a man ; and though perhaps 
 they would not go so far as to assert with a certain itine- 
 rant holder-forth in Massachusetts, that Mr. Jefferson is 
 the sixth angel mentioned in the revelation, yet, they will 
 probably maintain, that he has as much political piety as 
 Oliver Cromwell, oi genuine republican memory. 
 
 Mr, Jefferson's invitation to Tom Paine, has somewhat 
 the appearance of no great regard to religion. But doubt- 
 less it was supposed, that the claims of the latter as a po- 
 litician were such, as to entitle him to the very extraor- 
 dinary attention of the former, especially, as Paine liad 
 written a letter against General Washington, an oppo- 
 nent to Mr. Jefferson's party, which teemed with the 
 most unqualified abuse. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson says, in his Notes on Virgiiiia, " It does 
 me no injury for my neighbour to say, there are twenty 
 Gods, or wo God; it'neitber picks my pocket, nor breaks 
 my leg ; if it be said, his testimony in a court of justice 
 cannot bcrelied on, reject it then, and be the stigma on 
 him ;" and speaking of the state of religion in Pennsylva- 
 nia and New- York, he says, ** religion there is well sup- 
 ported, of different kinds indeed, hut all good enough ; 
 Sill sufficient to preserve peace and order." 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 9 
 
 The Feds are wrong to make a clatter 
 About the Carter-Mountain matter.^ 
 
 Now, although federal clergymen might be induced to 
 adopt the language of Mr. Smith, and exclaim, " which 
 ought we to be most shocked at, the levity or impiety of 
 these remarks r" yet, democratic clergy men. will, if they 
 \vould be consistent, declare all this to be a federal lie, and 
 that those passages in the Notes on Virginia which we 
 have quoted, are federal interpolations, intended to tra- 
 duce the fair fame of the " greatest man in America." 
 
 But there is an astonishing charge lately made by a 
 writer in the United States Gazette, that demands a 
 refutation, which we, although the professed eulogist 
 of Mr. Jefferson, are sorry to confess, are unable to fur- 
 nish ; but we hope our fellow-labourers in the vineyard of 
 democracy will supply us weapons, wherewith to knock 
 down this impudent adversary of our immortal chieftain* 
 
 '*Tiiemost gentle temper," says this anti-JdTersonian 
 scribbler, " may be urged until it becomes impatient, and 
 this, I confess, was the case with m}self, when on the 
 road between Baltimore and Philadelphia, 1 heard a min- 
 ister of ^he gospel declare, that the repoit of Mr. Jefftr- 
 son's infidelity was " a Federal lie. '^ To counteract an im- 
 putation so ungenerous and unjust, and for the informa- 
 tion of those, who are not so entirely hoodwinked as not 
 to see anything, however obvious and palpable it may 
 appear, 1 have thougiit proper to subjoin the following 
 statement, and if Mr. Jefferson will deny its truth, heshall 
 be immediately informed of the name of the person wh^ 
 made it. 
 
10 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 'Twas better far to make excursion. 
 By way of something like diversion, 
 
 *' B. Hawkins Esq. (don*t start Mr. Jefferson) once a 
 member of congress, and now high in trust and presiden- 
 tial favour, wrote a pamphlet in vindication of the doc- 
 trines of thellluminati, and among others, of the doctrines 
 o^ chance and materialism. He sent one copy of tliis pam- 
 phlet, yet in manuscript, to Mr. Jefiferson, and anothei 
 copy to Mr. Macon, speaker of the house of representa- 
 tives. I say he sent those copies, and I ask Mr. Jefferson 
 to deny it. 
 
 *' Mr. Jefferson, in order to elude the curiosity of the 
 Post-Office, sent him an answer in latin, in which he 
 has- recourse to that unintelligible slang which marks his 
 public messages, but in which he does unequivocally ex- 
 press his approbation of every sentiment contained in the 
 work, and does request Mr. Hawkins to cause it to be 
 published, in order to enlighten tlw minds of the people of 
 America. I say he did send this letter, and I beseech 
 the President to deny it. The answer of Mr. Macon was 
 not in latin ; Mr. Macon does not write latin." 
 
 This impudent federalist, who thus slanders the chief 
 magistrate of a christian country, certainly deserves to be 
 indicted, and not allowed to give the truth in evidence. 
 
 6. About the Carter Mountain matter. 
 
 Some of our good democrats, as it behoveth tliem^ 
 have strenuously denied the fact of Mr. Jefferson's master- 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 11 
 
 Than like w/e-philosophic hot-head 
 To run the risk of being shot dead. 
 
 ly retreat from Charlottesvilleto Carter's Mountain. Now, 
 altliough we propose to proceed at least to the end of the 
 Canto, stating "false facts" in favour of the sub- 
 ject of our present eulogy, yet we propose to lie with 
 somewhat more caution than Mr. Jefferson's advocates 
 have generally done. We therefore will state what some 
 of the wicked federalists have asserted, and leave it to 
 some of our fellow-labourers in the vineyard of democracy, 
 to lie doxvn such opposition. 
 
 Mr. Smith of South Carolina, in his impudent pam- 
 phlet, to which we have referred before (see pages 105 and 
 110, vol. 1.) has the following allegations against Mr. 
 •Jefferson : 
 
 " Mr. Jefferson has generally sacrificed the civil rights 
 of his countrymen to his own personal safety. We are 
 told in a public address, by Mr. Charles Simms, of Vir- 
 ginia, who must have been well acquainted with the cir- 
 cumstances, " that Mr. Jefferson, when governor of Vir- 
 ginia, abandoned the trust with which he was charged, 
 at the moment of an invasion by the enemy, by which, 
 great confusion, loss and distress, accrued to the state, 
 in the destruction of public records and vouchers for ge- 
 neral expenditures,* 
 
 ^ Mr. Leven Pozvell, ofFirginia, also states, in his pub- 
 lic address, ** That when Tarleton, with a few lighthorte, 
 pursued the assembly to Charlottesville, Mr. Jefferson 
 discovered such a want of firmness, as shewed he was twt 
 
12 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Such saving prudence mark'd a sage 
 A great man of a former age, — 
 
 ♦• Now, here was a period of public danger, when Mr. 
 Jefferson's attachment to the civil rights of his country- 
 men, might have shone very conspicuously, by facing and 
 averting the danger; here would have been a fine oppor- 
 tunity for him to have displayed his public spirit, in brave- 
 ly rallying round the standard of liberty and civil rights ; 
 but, though in times of safety, he could rcZ/y round the 
 standard of his friend, Tom Paine, yet, when real/ianger 
 appeared, i\\Q governor of the ancient do?ninion dwindled 
 into the poor, timid philosopher ; and instead of rallying 
 his brave countrymen, he lied for safety from a few light- 
 horsemen, and shamefully abandoned his trust. t 
 
 fit to fill the first executive office ; for, instead of using hit 
 
 talents, in directing the necessary operations of defence, 
 
 lie quitted his government by resigning his office; 
 
 this too, at a tittle zvhich tried tneti's souls; at atiitie ivlien 
 
 the affairs of America stood in doubtful suspense, and re- 
 
 <|trired the exertions of all." Tlie Goiernor of P'irginia, 
 
 dunng the invasion of the state, by a small British force, 
 
 instead of defending the cottmionxvealth at that alarming 
 
 juncture, voluntarily and suddenly surrendered his office, 
 
 and at that crisis, his country teas required to choose ano- 
 
 tlier Governor ! Is there any security he ivould not act 
 
 in like manner again, in like circumstances ? 
 
 t This charge has been attetnpted to be got rid of, by 
 producing a vote of the atsetnbly of Virginia, after an in- 
 
THE JEFFERSONUD. U 
 
 One FalstafF, famous as our head man. 
 Thought hojiour nothing in a dead man. 
 
 There is likewise one Thomas Turner, Esq. of Virginia, 
 a gentleman of very respectable character, &c. &c. but 
 ■we are somewhat apprehensive that he is a federalist, and 
 as such, in our capacity of Eulogist to Mr. Jefferson, we 
 shall most assuredly take the liberty to be very severe upon 
 him, for stating the following most abominable truths 
 (for, « the greater the truth, the greater the liber) against 
 Mr. Jefferson. 
 
 '' At the time Petersburgh was occupied by the British 
 troops, under command of Generals Philips and Arnold, 
 Mr. Jefferson, who was then governor of the state, did 
 participate in the partial consternation excited by the 
 situation of the British army, and did abandon the scat 
 oi government, at a period, and with an awkward pre . 
 clpitation, indicative of timidity, unwarranted by any 
 
 quiry into his conduct, acknowledging his ability and in- 
 tegrity, are altogether silent on his want of firmness, which 
 had been the cause ofhisjlight. 
 
 " It was natural for his friends in the assembly to var- 
 nish over this business- asivellas they could; and the dan- 
 ger being past, there being no prospect of his being again 
 exposed in that station, and his Jiight proceeding not 
 from any criminality, but from a constitutional weakness 
 of nerves, it was no difficult matter to get such a vote 
 fromthe assembly ; more especially, as the character of 
 the state was no less implicated in the business than that 
 of the governor.*' 
 
 B 
 
14 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 But being Governor of the State, 
 (Some carping folks presume to say't,) 
 He ought t' have stood some little fray. 
 Smelt powder ere he ran away. 
 
 immediate movement of the enemy, and forbidden by a 
 jegard to those duties, which belong to the station he 
 held. This fact is well recollected, and can be prov- 
 ed by many of the oldest and most respectable inhabi- 
 tants of the city of Richmond, and I bf^licve would not 
 be denied by the candid supporters of Mr. Jetferson him- 
 self. 
 
 " The sequel of his conduct, after the assembly re- 
 turned to Charlottesville, and on the approach of Colonel 
 Tarleton, to that place, stands attested by thousands of 
 witnesses, and can never be forgotten by those of his 
 countrymen, who respect the character of a firm and vir- 
 tuous public officer, and wlio abhor that of the dastardly 
 traitor to the trust reposed in him. His retreat, or rather 
 hhjiight from Monticello, on the information that Tarle- 
 ton had penetrated the country, and was advancing to 
 Charlottesville, was ctfecied with such hurried abruptness, 
 as to produce a fall from his horse, and a dislocation of the 
 shoulder. In this situation he proceeded about sixty 
 miles souths to th€ county of Bedford, whence he for- 
 "warded his resignation to the assembly (who had in the 
 niean time removed to Staunton, and) who theretfpon 
 elected General Nelson governor. The circumstances 
 are substantidly and literally true ; nay, the abdicatioa 
 of the government must be a matter of record.'* 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 15 
 
 Modern philosophers know better 
 Than their most nobie minds to fetter,-— 
 Their new-school principles disparage 
 With honour y hontsty and courage. 
 
 Besides, His said by other some 
 That charity begins at home^ 
 That each man should take care of one. 
 Nor fight when there is room to run. 
 
 It is moreover my desire 
 That Turner be esteemed a liar, 
 Convict, by Duane's Declaration, 
 And hung for theft and defamation.'^ 
 
 7 And hung for ihefi and defamation. 
 
 The very respectable editor of the Aurora, a=> well a«? 
 Ids coinpcers; Mr. Eichie o^ the Richmond Enquirer, 
 Mr. Paine and other democratic writers, have sliown won- 
 derful adroitness in parrying the thrusts which have been 
 made at Mr. Jefferson's character. Some have said tliat 
 theaccu-ations, provided they were all ir^e, amounted to 
 nothing. Others have undertaken to prove the whole a 
 parcel of federal lies. But the Aurora-man has attacked 
 the character of Mr. Turner, in order to invalidate his testi- 
 mony with so much vigour, that the same Mr. Turner will 
 never be able to show his head among honest men. Pie has 
 
16 THE JEFFERSONIAD, 
 
 And I'JI make plain as College Thesis, 
 Our Chief as bold as Hercules is. 
 By proofs which must confound at once. 
 Each carping, scurrilous Federal dunce. 
 
 A Chief who stands not shilly shally. 
 But is notorious for — a Sally^ 
 
 told a cdlnical, and, xvhat is wonderful, in part, a true 
 story, how one Tom Turner stole a cloak from a member 
 of congress from Virginia. But the editor of the Evening 
 Post has spoiled the whole, by the following explanation : 
 '* The truth is, the cloak in question belonged to Mr. 
 William Hillhouse, member of congress from Connecti- 
 cut, and it was taken from him by one Mr. Thomas Tur- 
 ner, or as Duane has it, Tom Turner ; but Tom Turner, 
 instead of the respectable Virginia planter, who wrote the 
 letter to Dr. Park, was a man of the same name, who 
 belonged to the Philosophical Society of Philadelphia, of 
 which Mr. Jefferson was President; and what is more, he 
 was like pillory-Nichols, of Boston, and Callender, one of 
 Mr. Jefferson's confidential correspondents." 
 
 8 And is notorious for — a Sally. 
 
 This line contains, we think, what Edmund Burke 
 would call " Tiigh naatter." Indeed, we are far from being 
 positive, that wc are not in this place somewhat heyondour 
 own comprehension ; an error of which, we are the more 
 apprehensive, as we have observed it to be a common 
 fault among those writers who advocate democratic poll- 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 17 
 
 Might Mars defy, in war's dire tug. 
 Or Satan to an Indian hug. 
 
 Therefore ye Feds, if ye should now hard 
 Things mutter of a nerveless coward, 
 'Twill prove your characters, ye quizzes. 
 Black as an Empress's black phiz is. 
 
 'Tis true some wicked wags there are. 
 Who laugh about this dark affair. 
 But I can tell this shameles faction 
 They ought t' admire the same transaction ; 
 
 And did they rightly comprehend 
 How means are sanction'd by the end^ 
 They'd change their grumbling tones sar- 
 To eulogies encomiastic. [castic 
 
 'Tis our right- worshipful belief. 
 This fine example of our Chief, 
 
 tics. We think, therefore, that it will be most judicious 
 
 for us to leave it to our commentators to decide, whether, 
 
 by the terin Sally, we mean an attack upon an enemy, or 
 
 dalliance with ^friend. 
 
 B 2 
 
18 THE JEFFE RSONIAD. 
 
 Of commerce join*d to manufactures 
 Makes in his character no fractures : 
 
 And we will prove, sans disputation. 
 Our Chief has wondrous calculation ; 
 In politics nine times as able 
 As Mazarine or Machiavel. 
 
 For Where's a readier resource 
 For that sweet " social intercourse,'* 
 Which at a grand inauguration 
 Was promis'd this our happy nation ? 
 
 And if, by his example, he goes 
 To recommend the raising negroes. 
 The chance is surely in his favour 
 Of being President forever. 
 
 A southern negro is you see, man , 
 Already three-fifths of a freeman. 
 And when Virginia gets the staff. 
 He'll be a freeman and a half.^ 
 
 9 He'll be a freeman and a half. 
 
 .4 
 
 The preponderance which Virginia has already ob- 
 tained in the scale of representation, will enable her to 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 19 
 
 Great men can never lack supporters. 
 Who manufacture their own voters ; 
 Besides 'tis plain as yonder steeple. 
 They will he fathers to the people. 
 
 And 'tis a decent, clever, comical, 
 Nfew mode of being economical ; 
 For when, a black is rais'd, it follows 
 It saves a duty of ten dollars, i® 
 
 proceed to increase the privileges of her black popula- 
 tion. Ill this she will be governed by the strict rules of 
 Tepublican propriety, which always consults the greatest 
 good of the greatest number. 
 
 10 It saves a duty often dollars. 
 
 This is a duty, which has been proposed, and probably 
 will at some future period, be adopted in the southern 
 states, to prevent the importation of slaves. It is surpris- 
 ing, that, among- all the calculations which have distin- 
 guished our penny-saving administration, this pleasant 
 scheme has not been adopted more generally. But a word 
 to the wise will not be thrown away. Our southern na- 
 bobs will improve on this hint: sable nabobbesses will 
 be all the rage ; and establishments for the manufacturing 
 of slaves, will be as common as those for gin or whiskey. 
 
20 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Besides, sir opposition-prater. 
 That foul reproach to human nature. 
 The most nefarious guinea trade 
 Ma}^ fall by presidential aid. 
 
 And he's a wayward blockhead, who says 
 This making negroes or pappooses 
 Is not accordant with the plan 
 OfTomPaine's precious "Rights of Man." 
 
 Therefore, your best and and wisest course 
 With Antifeds to join your forces, [is 
 
 And all combine to daub and gloss over 
 Our philanthropical Philosopher. 
 
 I know it has been urged by some. 
 That he who has a wife at home 
 Flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone. 
 Might let mulatto girls alone. 
 
 But they who say it must be fools 
 In doctrines of th' illumin'd sciiools^ 
 Not one can cobble human nature. 
 Or make a modern Legislator : — 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 2i 
 
 Indeed, they show in this respect 
 So small a reach of intellect, [ing 
 
 Thej^ must have shallow pates, command- 
 Scarce one inch depth of understanding. 
 
 One whose philanthropy's embrace 
 Incloses all the human race ; 
 Is forced full many schemes to try, 
 Where more is meant than meets the eye. 
 
 All kinds of cattle, 'tis agreed. 
 Improve whene'er you cross the breed. 
 With sheep and hogs it is the case. 
 And eke the Jacobinic race. 
 
 We therefore' think it best to tether 
 Your blacks and democrats together ; 
 For in thiy pleasant way 'tis said 
 The lustiest patriots may be bred. 
 
 And we've no doubt this making brats 
 Between your blacks and Democrats^, 
 Will serve like varnish or japan 
 For perfecting the race of man. 
 
2J& THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Fine scheme ! the more we turn it over,. 
 The more its beauties we discover ; 
 This intercourse of blacks and whites 
 Will set the wicked world to rights. 
 
 Behold the Hartford Mercurj^-maiT 
 Adopts with ardour this new plan,** 
 Will doubtless aid us in his station, 
 To bring it into operation. 
 
 1 1 Adopt with ardour this new plan. 
 
 In the Mercury, a democratic newspaper, was re-pub 
 lished from the National Intelligencer, a paper, under the 
 immediate patronage of Mr. Jefferson, a precious para- 
 graph, piettily prefaced as follows: 
 
 "THOUGHTS ON THE TRUE PATH TO NATIONAL 
 GLORY." 
 
 ** The course of events will likewise inevitably lead to 
 a niixlure of the iildtts and blacks ; and as the former are 
 about five times as numerous as the latter, the blacks wil] 
 ultimatel}' be merged in the whites. This, indeed, ap- 
 j;cars to be the great provison made by nature, and, view- 
 ing the subject in its political aspects, we cannot feel too 
 much satisfaction at there being an ultimate issue, how- 
 ever remote, independent of the exertions of statesmen, 
 which, notivithstanding its repugnance to our 7'eason, as 
 well as prejudice, will arrive," 
 
 No doubt, Mr. Mercury-man ! — a most happy expe- 
 dient truly ! — '^notwithstanding its repugnance to our 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. S2 
 
 And other ministerial prints, 
 
 (No doubt from Presidential hints) 
 
 Are all alive upon this topic. 
 
 So pleasant, and so philanthropic. 
 
 The more the thing we look at, true 'tis. 
 The more we see its myriad beauties. 
 For this most precious plan discovers 
 A new and charming field for lovers. 
 
 reason' ! — And what mortal can sufficiently admire thy 
 wonderful magnanimity, O thou! the great man, 
 "whom we are humbly attempting to eulogize, in the being 
 -one of the first to put in practice this philanthropic plan; 
 by virtue of which, " the blacks will ultimately be merged 
 in the whites. " ! 
 
 What say you, O ye fair daughters of Columbia ! (we 
 mean the white ones) will ye be pleased with a hymeneal 
 jottery, for the purposes aforesaid, in which every fifth 
 lady-adventurer shall draw the delectable prize of ablac/c 
 paramour? 
 
 But as this notable scheme is of democratic origin, it 
 would be the heighth of impudence for your old-fashion^ 
 edy 2f?2-philosopI;ical federalists, to interfere in tiie least. 
 Ko — ihe benefits which may result from ths motley mix. 
 ture, and scheme aforesaid, ought to be shared exclu- 
 sively among genuine democrats. Those alone will be 
 found worthy to walk in 
 
24' THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Each flaxen-headed swain will trill his 
 JLove song to vvoollen-pated Phillis ! 
 And pining Corydons will bilk 
 Their Mistresses of buttermilk ! 
 
 Each flaunting buckish tippy bobby. 
 Will take a black wench for hi« hobby, 
 And Belles keep fashionable honeys, 
 Crow-colour'd loves, like Desdemona's. 
 
 And none but fools and arrant asses 
 Will care for " pale un ripened" lasses. 
 Who can succeed to storm the trenches 
 Of blooming beautiful black wenches ! i 
 
 And when in billing kisses sweet 
 Pasteboard and blubber lips shall meet, 
 'Twill be allowed such love surpasses 
 E*en nectar sweetened with molasses I 
 
 Besides our daughters and our zvives. 
 If happily this project thrives. 
 Will strengthen Jefferson's resource* 
 By Sambo's social intercourses. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 25 
 
 And pray friend Babcock send your wife, 
 (Now while your theory is rife) 
 Or bid your daughter sans a fee, go 
 And practice on it with a negro. 
 
 The uglier monster too the better. 
 But should you hesitate to let her, 
 'Twill prove the scandalous hypocrisy. 
 Of your pretensions to democracy. 
 
 All hail Columbia's transmutation 
 To one great grand mulatto nation i 
 And may success attend each dally. 
 Of Mr. Jefferson and Sally [ 
 
 But left this subject so adorable. 
 
 To future bards who may be more able ; 
 
 In lays supernal and amazing. 
 
 To set it absolutely blazing. 
 
 We will pass on and fmd out whether, "" 
 We cannot find another feather. 
 Or sprig of laurel, which may hap 
 To fit his Mightinesses cap. 
 
2$ THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Our noble Chieftain is, I wist. 
 The most renovvn'd philanthropist^, 
 That ever yet has hatch'd a plan 
 That went to meliorating man : 
 
 Has formed a scheme, which we delight in. 
 To stop the horrid trade of fighting -, ^^ 
 
 12 To stop the horrid trade of fighting ! 
 
 To prove what a prodigiously benevolent sort of a gen- 
 tleman we have taken the Hberty to eulogize ; and to fur- 
 nish our readers with a most delightful specimen of close, 
 accurate and invincible logic, we will oblige them with 
 some extracts of a letter from Mr. Jefferson to Sir John 
 Sinclair, President of the Board of Agriculture at Lon- 
 don, dated'March 23, 17S8, but lately republished in the 
 democratic papeis, by way of applauding the passive 
 obedience and non-resistance measures of our creeping 
 
 ndminis*:ration. 
 
 *' 1 am fixed with awe (says our Chieftair,) at tiie 
 mighty conflict, in which two great nations are c:dvanc- 
 ing, and recoil with horror at the ferociousness of man.* 
 
 * fffe cannot but observe, that Mr. Jefferson's being so 
 terribly terrified at the thoughts of shedding human blood, 
 even in a " mighty conflict," is a total departure from the 
 principles of his sect of philosophers. The illuminati in 
 (reneral, and Mr. Godivin in particular, Juive no scruples 
 af that sort. See Note 53. p. 16. Vol. I. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 27 
 
 Bid England cease from war*s alarms. 
 And Buonaparte lay down his arms. 
 
 Will nations never devise a more rational umpire of dif- 
 lerencesthan that of force ? Are there no means of coerc- 
 ing injustice, more gratifying to our nature, than a waste 
 of the blood of thousands, and the labour of millions of our 
 felloW'Creatures ? We see numerous societies of men (the 
 aboriginals of this country) living together without the 
 acknowledgment of either laws or magistracy, yet they 
 live in peace among themselves, and acts of violence and 
 injury are as rare in their societies as in nations which 
 keep the sword of the law in perpetual activity. Public 
 reproach, a refusal of common offices, interdiction of the 
 commerce and comforts of society are found as essential 
 as the coarser instrument of force. Nations like these in- 
 dividuals stand towards each other only in the relations of 
 natural right. Might they not like them he peaceabli/ 
 punished for violence and wrong ? &c. Sfc. 
 
 Now let us look at, and of course, as in duty bound, 
 admire this stream of humanity issuing from the fountain 
 of philanthropy. What a sublime idea is that of provi- 
 ding a " rational umpire of differences" between warring 
 nations who shall ** coerce injustice" by " means grati- 
 fying to our nature," and teach them to 
 
 feel " the halter draw. 
 
 With good opinion of the law." 
 
 And because a parcel of American savages, sparsely 
 scattered over immense wilds, "live without tiie acknow- 
 ledgment of either laws or magisti'acy, in peace among 
 
28 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 That is to pacify all nations. 
 By fine palavering proclamations. 
 Stating in lieu of cannon's thunder, 
 'Tis unpolite to rob and plunder. 
 
 themselves," &c. how very logically follows the ergo {he 
 populous/ambitious,[ancl powerful nations of the old v^-orld 
 may be ruled by Mr. Jeiferson's notions of " the relations 
 ofrigUy* and warring empires, as well as hostile indivi- 
 duals be peaceably punished by ** public reproach, a re- 
 fusal of common offices," &:c.* 
 
 Now were we not absolutely and bona fide determined 
 to be Mr. Jeiferson's advocate, we should first pick a quar- 
 rel with his premises, and then proceed to knock down 
 his conclusions. We should say that the aboriginals of 
 this country have their Chiefs, who have the authority of 
 7nagisirates ', that they are far from always living at 
 peace among themselves, but murder is among others, a 
 common crime, and sometimes a whole tribe is extin- 
 guished in cold blooded revenge of accidental homicide ; 
 that their wars are as bloody as those of civilized nations, 
 and that they generally torture and put their prisoners to 
 death, with fiend-like malice and ingenuity. 
 
 * This mode of subduing (he refractory was probably 
 invented by Mr. Gallatin, uho in his zvhiskey insurrec-* 
 Hon concern, tuas chairman of a eommitiee of insurgents y 
 •who resolved to have no intercourse nor dealings uiih the 
 officers of government, " ivithdraw from them every as* 
 sistancet and withhold all the comforts of life f' 8fc. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 29 
 
 The only obstacle I see to't. 
 Is, that some rascals won't agree to*t ; 
 For spite of all our Chief can say. 
 They will go on and fight away i 
 
 But then he sbows the good he would do. 
 Provided, what he would he could do ; 
 And when a man's a good intention. 
 He ought said good intent to mention. 
 
 And I'd rely with all my heart. 
 
 On his persuading Buonapart' 
 
 To give us liberty, as much 
 
 As France has done the Swiss and Dutch. 
 
 All this indeed might be said by Mr. Jefferson's oppo- 
 nents. But li-e would by no means be guilty of such an 
 ill-advised attack on such fine practical philosophy, and 
 recommend to this great philanthropist, and his sagaci- 
 ous adherents to rely altogether on the perfectibility of hu- 
 man nature, and the probability of nations submitting to 
 he peaceably punhhcd without any force, in some way 
 gratifying to our nature. And therefore we would have 
 tjaeni set about destroying the remains of our navy, army, 
 forts, arsenals, &c. &c. so that it may not be possible for 
 us to engage in any of those " mighty conflicts," which 
 cause Mr. Jefftrson such excess of trepidation. 
 
30 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Then don't let fed'ralists provoke him, 
 And Mr. Jefferson will stroke him. 
 Till he will condescend, I trow, 
 Our commonwealth to take in tow. 
 
 No doubt our bright affairs ^ith Spain, 
 Are in their present happy train. 
 In consequence of our sweet temper. 
 And President eadem semper. 
 
 But should we chance to think that our 
 Security consists in poiver, 
 Neffociate with our arms in hand. 
 The Lord knows only where we'll land. 
 
 Most of our democrats know fully. 
 That lying down disarms a bully ^ 
 That nothing ever is a stranger 
 To every thing that looks like danger. 
 
 And doubtless French and Algerines, 
 Will be persuaded by such means, 
 'Tis best to let alone our commerce. 
 Not take our hard-earn'd money from us. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 31 
 
 Therefore I say, and will maintain. 
 The man must be a rogue in grain. 
 Who won't acknowledge our good Presi- 
 dent, 
 The greatest man on this earth resident. 
 
 m 
 
 Though Gossip Fame has been a talker, 
 Of some attempts at Mrs. Walker ^^^ 
 
 13 Of some attempts on Mrs. Walker. 
 
 Here we shall be obliged, once more, to be severeon the 
 before-mentioned Thomas Turner, £^q. for having the 
 temerity to tattle slander against the man, whom good de- 
 mocrats delight to honour. 
 
 " The father of Colonel John Walker (says this man, 
 who thinks he can " tell truth and shame the devil") was 
 the guardian of Mr. Jefferson, and advanced a part of 
 those funds, which were applied to the education of the 
 latter; an education affjrding those talents, which have 
 been so strangely perverted, which have been insidiously 
 e mfilo yed in the conception of schemes, foul, ungrateful,, 
 homble. At a very early period of their lives. Colonel 
 Walker and Mr. Jefferson contracted an attachment which 
 grew up with their years aiid ripened into the closest in- 
 timacy. — Their professions were mutual ; their confidence 
 unbounded. While things were in this situation, Mr. 
 Jefferson was meditating the unnatural purpose of seducing 
 the wife of his best friend, and to this end (taking advaii- 
 
32 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Yet this is silly, slanderous stuff. 
 Or if 'twere true 'tis right enough. 
 
 tage of the confidience of Colonel Walker, and availing 
 himself of the timidity of the lady, whose affection for her 
 husband preventeil the disclosure of a transaction, which 
 might lead to an exposure of his life]fi^evoted himself for 
 ten years, repeatedly and assiduously making attempts, 
 ■which were as repeatedly, and with horror repelled. For 
 ten years was this purpose pursued, and at last abandon- 
 ed (a» he himself acknowledges) from the inflexible 
 virtue of the lady, and followed (as .he also acknow- 
 ledges) by the deepest and most heart-wounding re- 
 morse."* 
 
 All this I HAVE SEEN : NOT in newspapers ; not in ex- 
 tracts; not in copies of letters. — I have seen it in the 
 
 ORIGINAL correspondence BETWEEN MeSSRS. 
 
 Walker and Jefferson, every letter of whicn bears 
 the signature of the writer, or has been since acknowled- 
 ged by him, under his own hand. In this correspondence 
 Mr. Jefferson repeatedly and fervently confesses that the 
 guilt is all his own ; the innocence all Mrs. Walker's ; and 
 that he shall never cease to revere, and attest the purity 
 of her character, and deprecate his unpardonable ar^JNin. 
 successful artempt to destroy her. His contrition, his mi- 
 sery, are asserted in the warmest terms, and his acquittal 
 of Mrs. Walker pronounced in the strongest language of 
 
 * The reader zvill please to observe, that this remorse 
 of Mr. Jefferson^ so unworthy a philosophist, took place be- 
 fore his illumiaatioa. C. C. 
 
 1 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. S5 
 
 Your pure professors of perfection. 
 In morals can have no defection -, 
 
 his pen. Among other concessions he owns, that in order 
 to cover the real cause of the separation between Colonel 
 Walker and himself, he did fabricate a note respect- 
 ing an unsettled aceount which he said had produced the 
 schism, and which he expressly acknowledges had no 
 FOUNDATION IN TRUTH. Let it uot be forgottcn that 
 the attempts against the honour of Mrs. Walker were car- 
 ried on DURING THE LIFE TIME OF MrS. JeFFER- 
 
 soN, than whom a better woman and better wife never 
 existed." 
 
 And must the head of a great nation, the idol of zfrec 
 people, and the patron of Tom Paine, be lacerated and 
 scarified in this manner? Surely not whh impunity, for 
 lo, Tom Paine hath taken up the gauntlet in his def<;nce I 
 and now it behoveth all who would not choose to be bu- 
 ried alive in the filth of obloquy, to sneak out of the 
 scrape of opposition to Mr. Jefferson, with al! possible 
 celerity. 7 he letter of Mr. Turner, says the author of 
 the Age of Reason, and the enemy of Washinton, 
 and the friend of Mr. Jefferson, is a " putrid pj-oduc- 
 tion" but " having nothing e!se to do" he has "thrown, 
 away an hcur or two," in *' examining its component 
 parts." Mr. Turner and Mr. Ilurlburt, (the latter is 
 the gentleman, v/ho distinguished himself by a famous 
 speech in the Legislature of Massachusetts, in the lauda- 
 ble attack made by the minority of that body on the liber- 
 ty tof the press) he politely stiles " two skunks ivho 
 stink in concert.'' This is succeeded by other arguments 
 at least as convincing, and as delicately expressed, but 
 somev/Iiat too " lengthy'^ for insertion. 
 
34 THE JEFFKRSONIAD. 
 
 Like upright people, so particular. 
 They stand up more than perpendicular. 
 
 Now I've no doubt but what this scandal. 
 Is nothing but a federal handle. 
 To blast our Emperor's fame, who's not 
 Than Scipio or Joseph spotless. [less 
 
 But protest enter'd first I may. 
 Just mention what some people say. 
 Who ought to suffer bastinading. 
 For crime of President-degrading. 
 
 Some say 'twas vile ingratitude, 
 In Mr. Jefferson, so rude. 
 To attack his benefactor's wife. 
 The pride, the solace of his life ; — 
 
 The virtuous woman to annoy. 
 By siege as long as that of Troy, 
 And bring bad principles to aid i^ 
 His systematical blockade. 
 
 14 And bring bad principles to aid. 
 We have heard it reported by some vilitier of Mx. Jet- 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 35 
 
 But I'll maintain he is consistent. 
 His conduct has n't a single twist in't i 
 If having twenty Godsy he drives 
 To have at least as many wives. 
 
 Among your new-school rights and duties 
 There's no monopoly of beauties, ^=> 
 And he's a churl, who will not lend 
 His pretty wife t' oblige a friend. 
 
 No man, \vho is not old and frigid. 
 Be most unconscionably rigid. 
 Will e'er " oppugnate" this morality 
 Of such a pretty genteel quality^ 
 
 And were all true which is related 
 About a note once fabricated, 
 
 ferson, that he endeavoured to induce Mrs. Walker to 
 compliance with his wishes, by putting in hef way cei- 
 tain sentimental i^Q2X\%QS, said to be proper on such oc- 
 casions. 
 
 15 There's no monopoly of beauties. 
 
 . For some further illustration of tliis delectable doctrine, 
 ^se would refa- our reader to p. 57, Note 45. Vol. I. 
 
56 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 By which his highness did intend 
 To ruin one he cali'd his friend -, 
 
 'Twas right to set himself a brewing 
 This cross-grain*d lady's husband's ruin. 
 Who, had he been polite, had chuckled 
 At chance to be a great man's cuckold. 
 
 From such examples husbands may chance 
 To learn a little French complaisance. 
 And married prudes to put no cross over 
 The wishes of a great philosopher. 
 
 Though he imported Thomas Paine, 
 (For Chronicleers have lied in vain,)'^ 
 
 16 (For Chronicleers have lied in vain.) 
 
 The Boston Chronicle, and we believe many other de. 
 mocratic papers, delclared that the report of Mr. Jeffer- 
 son's having invited Paine to return to this country, was 
 a falsehood of federal fabrication, invented on purpose (o 
 slander Mr. Jefferson. But, when Paine published tiie 
 letter, with that accommodating versatility, which is no 
 doubt absolutely necessary for the support of their party, 
 they applauded the President for that very measure. The 
 letter itself is couched in terms so highly respectful, and 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 37 
 
 T' oppose with acrimonious vanity. 
 Law, order, morals, and Christianity. 
 
 Twas right, for aught I can discover. 
 To send and fetch the fellow over. 
 For Freedom, by his aid may chance 
 With us to flourish as in France.i^ 
 
 is highly lionorary to both parties in the correspondence. 
 The following arc extracts: 
 
 "Dear Sir, 
 
 " Your letters of Oct. 1st, 4lh, 6lh, 16th, camedi>i . 
 iy to hand, and the papers which they covered were, ac- 
 cording to your permission, published in the newspapers, 
 and under your own name. These papers contain precise- 
 ly our principles, and 1 hope they will be generally recog- 
 nised here. 
 
 " You expressed a wish to get a passage to this coun- 
 try in a public vessel. Mr. Dawson is charged with or- 
 ders to the captain of the Maryland to receive and accom- 
 modate you back, if you can be ready to depart at such 
 a short warning. 
 
 " That you may long live to continue your useful la' 
 bours, and to reap the reward in the thankfulness of na- 
 tions, is my sincere prayer. Accept assurances of my high 
 esteem and affectionate attachment." 
 
 16 With us to flourish as in France. 
 \ 
 
 Taine has given us a specimen, in one of his letters to 
 
 the citizens of the United States, of the success of his 
 Vol. II. D 
 
38 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 The man who has such service done. 
 By neat abuse of Washington, ^"7 
 
 labours in the cause of liberty in that genuine republican 
 coi'.iilrj. Robespierre seized him, together with many 
 otlier oninent patriots, and imprisoned him eleven 
 months, proposed to requite his revolutionary services 
 with the guillotine. The downfaloi" the tyrant, however, 
 prevented this termination to Paine's political labour 
 and the arch Infidel has come, not to infect this country 
 with the poison of his seditious and blasphemous publica- 
 tion, but, as Mr Jefferson says, to *' continue his useful 
 labours among us." 
 
 But it somehow unfortunately happens, that Tom 
 Paine's merits are not fully appreciated by certain of Mr. 
 Jefferson's admirers. In a newspaper entitled the Free- 
 man's Journal, established under the auspices of Governor 
 M'Kean & Co. at Philadelphia, we find Mr. Tom Paine's 
 quondam friends attacking him in a most merciless man- 
 ner. We will give a short paragraph as a specimen of the 
 unmerited abuse which is lavished on tins almost a mar- 
 tyr, in the cause of licentiousness and infidelity. 
 
 ** Had this polluted monster remained in France, he 
 would have conferred a particular favour on this country. 
 Infamous and execrated, he might have " gone to his 
 own place," unheeded and unregarded, like any other 
 outcast from society. But, as if the measure of his iniqui- 
 ty was not yet full, this foe to God and man has come 
 hiiher to plague us." 
 
-+ 
 
 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 39 
 
 Deserves theiiighest approbation 
 From our great tip-end of the nation. 
 
 But let Mr, Tom Paine never seem to mind a little quid 
 abuse, for !ie lias received " assurances of" Mr. Jefferson'* 
 '* high esteem and affectionate attachment." 
 
 17 3y neat abuse of Washington. 
 
 A specimen or two of delicate invective, taken from 
 Pal ne's letter to George Washington, President of the 
 United States, dated Paris, July 30th, 1796, and printed 
 by Benjamin Franklin Bache, the worthy predecessor of 
 William Duane, the present editor of the Aurora, will 
 doubtk^ss very much oblige our good democratic readers 
 and show what a well qualified champion Mr. Jefferson 
 has enlisted in his defence. 
 
 " I declare myself opposed to almost the whole of your 
 administration; fori know it to be deceitful, if not even 
 perfidious." 
 
 " Injustice was acted under pretence of faith ; and the 
 Chief of the army became the patron of the fraud." 
 
 " Meanness and ingratitude have nothing equivocal in 
 their character. There is not a trait in them that renders 
 them doubtful. They are so original vices, that tiiey are 
 generated in the dung of other vices, and crawl into exist- 
 ence with the filth upon their back. The fugitives have 
 found protection in you, and the levee room is the place 
 of their rendezvous." 
 
40 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Moreover 'tis a proper season 
 To burnish up the " Age of Reason," 
 Lest, peradventure, too much piety 
 Sap the foundations of society. 
 
 And we moreover understand, he 
 Supports the state — by drinking brandy^ 
 And if he hves, will free the nation 
 From debt, without direct taxation. 
 
 But though our Chief to all intents is 
 A paragon of excellencies. 
 The w icked Feds are always prating 
 Mattejr the most calumniating. 
 
 • 
 Fcr I've heard many a crabbed Fed, 
 
 While things like these he muttering said, 
 
 " The chaiacter which Mr. Washington has attempted 
 L to 2ct in the world, is a sort of non-describable, camelioji 
 coloured thing, chWtd prudence." 
 
 *' As to you. Sir, treacherous in private friendship, and 
 
 ) a hypocrite in public life, the world jMill the puzzled to dc- 
 
 \ cide whether you are an apostate, or an impostor; "whe* 
 
 / ther you have abandone^jlJ^g'ood principles, or %\hether 
 
 vou ever bad z^Kkc. fcc. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. , 41 
 
 Though I stood tortiir'd all the while in 
 A state which set my blood a boiling : 
 
 A fine man he to head our nation> 
 The very soul of fluctuation ; 
 *Twould take the stamina of two men 
 Like him, to make out one old woman. 
 
 What though the democratic host 
 
 His wisdom and his talents boast. 
 
 For pelf or office, I would lay all 
 
 I'm worth, the rogues would worship Baal : 
 
 But they may white-wash all they can. 
 They cannot quite disguise their man. 
 For something of his native hue. 
 With all their daubing, will peep through. 
 
 Wisdom, in him descends to cunning ; 
 Talents — a knack at danger shunning; 
 Morality — to be complete in [ing. 
 
 What some old-fashioned folks call cheat-^ 
 
 In literature, his reputation 
 A fabric is, without foundation. 
 
 D2 
 
42 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 What serves to please his party, some say 
 Is quite exuberant and clumsy. 
 
 What though he writes with some facility 
 What fascinates our wise mobility. 
 Who ever find out something grand in 
 Whate'er is past all understanding ; 
 
 With all his sophimore's rotundity. 
 With all his semblance of profundity. 
 Pore pages over, you'll scarce see a 
 Novel, or well-express*d idea. 
 
 His stile is tinsel, glare and whimsey. 
 No lady's novel half so flimsey ; 
 As full of glaring contradictions 
 As Ovid's works are full of fictions.** 
 
 18 As Oviii's \vork6 are full of £ctions. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson's writings, both poruical and philosophi- 
 cal, have been so often the subject of the very just enco- 
 miums of his party, and have on the contrary been so of- 
 ten bandied to and fro as the footballs of federal raillery, 
 that it would be difficult to excite public attention to a 
 efitical canvass of their merits. Hi« pretensioBS to merito- 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4J 
 
 And what, indeed, we might expect. 
 His morals are as incorrect 
 
 rious authorship appear to be founded, principally on his 
 " Notes on Virginia," a work which few village school- 
 masters could not have executed better. We will how- 
 ever compare some of his tenets as displayed in that 
 work, with some later productions of the distinguished 
 author, for the purpose of showing his consistency as a 
 politician. 
 
 /Speaking of the population of An>erica, Mr. Jefferson 
 remarks, that "the present desire of America is to pro- 
 duce rapid population, by as great importation of foreign- 
 ers as possible. But is this founded in good policy? Arc 
 there no inconveniences to be thrown into the scale against 
 the advantage to be expected from a multiplication of 
 numbers, by the importation of foreigners? It is for the 
 happiness of those united in society to harmonize as much 
 as possible in matters which they must of necessity trans- 
 act together. Civil government being the sole object of 
 forming societies, its administration must be conducted 
 by common consent. Every species of government has 
 its specific principles : Ours, perhaps, are more peculiar 
 than those of any other in the universe. It is a composi- 
 tion of the first pFinciples of the English Constitution with 
 others, derived from natural right and reason. To these 
 nothing can be more opposed than the maxims of absolute 
 f monarchies. Yet from such we are to expect the greatest 
 i Bumber of emigrants. They will bring with them the 
 ^ principles of the government they leave, imbibed in their 
 
44 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 As are his writings — froth and flummery 
 Express them both hi manner summary. 
 
 early youth ; or if able to throw them off, it will be an ex- 
 change for an unbounded licentiousness, passing as usual 
 from one extreme to another. It would be a miracle were 
 they to stop precisely at the point of temperate liberty. 
 Their principles with their language they will transmit to 
 their children. In proportion to their numbers, they will 
 share with us in the legislation. They will infuse into it 
 their spirit, warp and bias its direction, and render it a iie- 
 terogeneous, incoherent, distracted mass, I may appeal 
 to experience, during the present contest, for a verification 
 of these conjectures; but if they be not certain in the event, 
 are they not possible, are they not probable? Is it not safer 
 to wait with patience for the attainment of any degree of 
 population desired or expected ? May not our govern- 
 ment be more homogeneous, more peaceable, more dura- 
 ble? Suppose twenty millions of republican Americans, 
 thrown all of a sudden into France, what would be the con- 
 dition of that kingdom ? If it would be more turbulent, 
 less happy, less strong; we may believe that the addition 
 of half a million of fv)reigners, to our present number, 
 would produce a similar effect here." 
 
 Now for the display of that convenient versatility, 
 which is one of the most essential characteristics of a great 
 statesman. In the President's message of December, 1801, 
 we are told that " a denial of citizenship under a residence 
 of 14 years, is a denial to a great proportion of those who 
 ask it, and controls a policy pursued from the first settle- 
 ment, by many of these state:, and still believed of conse- 
 
THE JEFFERSON I AEK 45 
 
 With great pretence to Mathematics, 
 I'd ask, is his report on Staticks, 
 
 quenc€ to their prosperity. And shall we refuse to the un- 
 happy fugiiives from distress that hospitality, which the 
 savages of the wilderness extended to our fathers arriving 
 in this land r Shall oppressed humanity find no assylum 
 on this globe ? Might not the general character and ca- 
 pubilities of a citizen be safely communicated to every 
 Ont manifesting a bona fide purpose of embarking his life 
 and fortune permanently with us?" 
 
 In the Notes on Virginia we also learn, " That the po- 
 litical economists of Europe have established it as a princi- 
 ple, that every slate should manufacture for itself : and the 
 principle like many others we transfer to America, with- 
 out calculating the different circumstances, which should 
 often produce a different result. In Europe, the lands 
 are either cultivated, or locked up against the cultivation. 
 Manufacture must, therefore, be resorted to of necessity, 
 not of ch<aice, to support the surplus of their people. But 
 we have an immensity of land, courting the industry of 
 the husbandman. Is it best, then, that all our citizens 
 should be employed in its improvement, o.-, that one half 
 should be called off from that, to exercise manufacture 
 and handicrafts for the other ? Those who labour in the ^ 
 earth are the chosen people of God, if ever he had a cho- ? 
 sen people ; whose breasts he has made the peculiar de- 
 posit for substantial and genuine virtue.— It is the/focus 
 in which he keeps alive that sacred fire, which otherwise 
 might escape from the earth. Corruption of morals in the \ 
 mass of cultivators is a phenomenon of which no age nor 
 
46 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 And Standard Measures worth a fig ?i^ 
 No ; 'twould disgrace the learned pig. 
 
 nation has furnished an example. It is the mark set on 
 those viho, not looking up to heaven, to their own soil and 
 to industry, as does the husbandman, for their subsist- 
 ence, depend for it on the casualties and caprice of cus- 
 tomers. Dependence begets subservience and venality ; 
 suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the 
 designs of ambition. This, the natural progress and con- 
 sequence of the arts has sometimes perhaps been retard- 
 ed by accidental circumstances: but generally speaking, 
 the proportion which the aggregate of the other classes of 
 the citizens bears, in any state, to that of its husbandmen, 
 is the proportion of its unsound to its healthy parts, and 
 is a good enough barometer, whereby to measure its de- 
 gree of corruption. While we i)ave land to labour let us 
 never wish to see our citizens occupied at a work-bench 
 or twirling a distaff. Carpenters and smiths are wanting 
 in husbandry t but for the general operation of manufac- 
 ture, let our workshops remain in Europe. It is better to 
 carry provisions and materials to workmen there, than 
 biing them to the provisions and materials, and with them 
 their manners and principles. The loss, by the transpor- 
 tation of commodities across the atlantic will be made up 
 in happiness and permanence of government. TJie mobs 
 I [ of great cities add just so much to the support of pure go- 
 '; vernment, as sores do to the strength of the human body." 
 The above was written in 1782. In the year 1793, Mr. 
 Jeffersjon, then Secretary of State, haying occasion to fall 
 out with Great Britain, in a report relative to com- 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4,7 
 
 Some borrozved things are well enoiigli,20 
 But all his ozvji is stupid stuff, 
 
 iTjercial restrictions of other nations, and the measures 
 which the United States ought to pursue to cuiinteract 
 tliem, recommends the imposition of heavy duties, or 
 excluding such foreign manufactures as we take in 'Great- 
 est quantities, for ** Such duties (he observe?) having the 
 effect of indirect encouragement to domestic manufac- 
 tures of the same kind may, induce the manufacturer io 
 come himself into these States ; and here it would be in 
 the power of the State governments to cooperate essen- 
 tially, by opening the resources of encouragement which 
 are under tlieircontrcul, extending them Hberally to ar- 
 tists in those particular branches of manufactures for 
 wliich their soil, climate, population, and otlier circuni- 
 stances have matured them, and fostering the precious 
 efforts and progress of houseiiold manufacture, by some 
 patronage suited to the nature of its objects, guided by 
 the local information they possess, and guarded against 
 abuse by their presence and attention. The oppressions 
 on our agriculture in foreign parts vs'ould thus be made the 
 occasion of relieving it from a dependence on the coun- 
 cils and conduct of others, zmX promoting arts, inanufac' 
 tures 3.1x6 population at liome." 
 
 Mr. Jefferson's Message contained the first proposition 
 for an attack on the judiciary, and he is well known to 
 have gone hand in hand with his estimable party, in the 
 courageous and successful inroad made on the aristocratic 
 constitution of the United States, by putting down the 
 
48 THE JEFFERSONIA]^ 
 
 And goes with fifty proofs beside 
 To prove his head and heart alllied»2i 
 
 federal judges by the dozen. That in this respect he has 
 made great improvements in the theory of liberty, since 
 writing his Notes on Virginia, will abundantly appear 
 from the following quotation from that work, so highly 
 celebrated by the admirers of genuine freedom. 
 
 Speaking of the government of Virginia, he remarks, 
 that *' All the powers of government, legislative, execu- 
 tive and judiciary, result to the legislative body. The 
 concentrating these in the same hands is precisely the de- 
 finition of despotic government. It will be no alleviation 
 that these powets will be exercised by a plurality of hands, 
 and not by a single one. One hundred and twenty-three 
 despots would surely be as oppressive as one. Let those 
 who doubt it turn their eyes to the republic of Vejiice. 
 As little will it avail us that they are chosen by ourselves. 
 An elective despotism was not the government we fought 
 for ; but one which should not only be founded on free 
 principles, but in which the powers of government should 
 be so divided and balanced among several bodies of ma- 
 gistracy, as that no one should transcend their legal limits 
 without being eifectually checked and restrained by the 
 others. For this reason, that convention which passed the 
 ordinance of government, laid its foundation on this basis, 
 tiiat the legislative, executive and judiciary departments 
 siiould be separate and distinct, so that no person should 
 exercise the powers of more than one of them at the sar»e 
 time. But no barrier was provided between these several 
 powers. The judiciary and executive members wera 
 
 ii 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4t 
 
 Who's vile enough to be defender 
 Of his base paper money tender, 
 
 left dependent on the legislative for their subsistence in 
 office, and some of them for their continuance in it. If 
 therefore, the legislature assumes executive and judiciary- 
 powers, no opposition is likely to be made, nor if made, 
 can be effectual ; because in that case they may put their 
 proceedings into the form of an act of assembly, which will 
 render them obligatory on the other branches. They have 
 accordingly, in many instances, decided rights which 
 should have been left to judiciary controversy ; and the 
 direction of the executive, during the whole time of their 
 session, is becoming habitual and familiar." See Notes on 
 Virginia, Query xii. 
 
 One more specimen of Mr. Jefferson's openness to con- 
 viction, and the facility with which he relinquishes an 
 error of opinion the momeiiL he discovers it, we shall fur- 
 nish from his philosophical disquisition on the colour and 
 other properties of negroes. Our philosopher, after stat- 
 ing certain modes by which the evil of slavery in Virginia 
 might be annihilated, such as that the black slaves 
 " should continue with their parents to a certain age, then 
 be brought up, at the public expense, to tillage, arts or 
 sciences, according to their geniusses, till the females 
 ■should be eighteen, and the males twenty-one years of age, 
 when they should be colonized to such place, as the 
 circumstances of the time should render mosfc proper 
 sending vessels at the same time to the other parts of the 
 world for an equal number of white inhabitants,'* proceeds 
 
 with the following profound observation: "It will pro- 
 E 
 
50 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 In which he would defraud, forsooth, 
 The friend and patron of his youth. 
 
 bubly be asked, why not retain and incorporate the blacks 
 in this state ? I answer, deep-rooted prejudices entertain- 
 ed by the whites, ten thousand recollections by the blacks 
 ©f the injuries they have sustained, new provocations, the 
 real distinction which nature has made, and many other 
 circumstances, will divide us into parties, and produce 
 conrulsions, which will never end but in the extermina- 
 tion of the 0)ie or the other race. To these objections, 
 which are political, may be added others, which arephysi. 
 cal and moral. The first difference which strikes us, is 
 that of colour ; whether the black of the negro resides in 
 the reticular membrane, between the skin and the scarf- 
 skin, or in the skin itself; whether it proceeds from the 
 colour of the blood, or the colour of the bile, or from 
 that of some other secretion, tite dijerence is fixed in na- 
 lure, and is as real as if its seat and cause were better 
 known to us. And is this difference of no importance ? 
 Is it not the foundation of a greater or less share of beauty 
 in the two races? Are not the fine mixture of red and 
 ■white, the expressions of every passion, by the greater or 
 less suffusion of colour in theone, preferable tothe eternal 
 monotony, which reigns in the countenances of the other 
 race?^Add to these, flowing hair, a more elegant symmetry 
 of form, their own judgment in favour of the whites, de- 
 clared by their preference of them, as uniformly as is the 
 preference of the ourang-outang for the black women over 
 those of his own species. Besides those of colour, figure, 
 ;indUiiij-, titer? are other physical distinctions proving a 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. ' 5i 
 
 Ingratitude, of crimes the worst. 
 In none but serpent-bosoms nurst, 
 
 different race ; they have less hair on the face and body ; 
 they secrete less by the kidnies, and more by the glands 
 of the skin, which gives them a very strong and disagree- 
 able odour." 
 
 " They are in reason much inferior to the whites. It is 
 not against experience to suppose, that different species of 
 the same genus, or varieties of the same species may pos- 
 sess different qualifications. Will not a lover of natural 
 history, then, one who views the gradations in all the 
 races of animals, with the eye of philosophy, excuse an 
 effort to k00j^ose in the department of man as distinct 
 as nature ^^/^-fned them." 
 
 He a%£/ ^^ observes, " that the improvement of the 
 blacks itfimy and mind, in the first instance of their 
 mixture with the whites, is observed by every one, and 
 proves that their inferiority is not the effect merely of 
 their condition in life. Among the Romans, their slaves 
 were often their rarest artists; they excelled too in sci- 
 ence, insomuch as to be employed as tutors to their mas- 
 ters' children. Epictetu^ Terence and Phoedrus, were 
 slaves ; but they were of the race of whites. It is not their 
 condition, then, hut nature, which has produced the 
 distinction," 
 
 Mr. Jefferson doubtless wrote these observations previ- 
 ous to his having obtained an intimate acquaintance with 
 the good qualities of tlie blacks. But some subsequent in- 
 vestigations, could not but lead a man of his penetration, 
 to reject any pre-conceived opinion, unfavorable to this 
 
52 THE JEFFERSONIAD* 
 
 It seems but qualifies a man 
 To head the democrat ick clan. 
 
 " race ofanimah»^ And instead of keeping those in the 
 department of man as distinct as possible, he now not only 
 maintains, that the *' true path to national glorij" leads 
 to a mixture of the tvhitea and blacks, (See note 1 1 , p, 22, 
 Vol, II,) but has condescended to add example to pre* 
 cept, to teach us by his own experiments the soundjie«s 
 of his philosophy. 
 
 It is probable that the new light, which he obtained 
 by the only true mode of philosophising, led him to the 
 candid confessions contained in a congratulatory letter to 
 his worthy and learned brother, Benjamin Banneker, said 
 LO be, the author of an almanack, &c. In this last produc- 
 tion, he declared in the teeth of his former theory, that 
 " he rejoiced to find that Nature had given to his black 
 brethren talents equal to those pf other colours. 3n^ *|~-* 
 *i,c appearance o( z want of them, was owing jnerely to 
 the degraded condition of their existence, both in Africa 
 and America." 
 
 There is a philosopher of pliability for you! none of 
 your rigid personages who will remain obstinate in ejror, 
 against the light of reason, and his own and other men's 
 experiments. This whirling to the left about> in conse- 
 quence of the wonderful phenomenon of a Negro Alma_ 
 nack, (probably enough made by a white man) was as mas* 
 terly a manoeuvre, in a political, as the retreat to Carter's 
 mountain, in a military point of view. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAB. S3 
 
 Was it not scandalous hypocrisy. 
 To please the looking-on mobocracy, 
 
 19 And standard measures worth a fig ? 
 
 Mr. Jefferson's report on weights and measures has^ 
 been highly celebrated by his party, but the mischief 
 making Federalists have made many unmercifuj stric- 
 tures on its defects. To show with what kind of logick Mr. 
 Jefferson, has been assailed we shall again have recourse 
 to the pamphlet of Mr. Smith, in which Mr. Jefferson 
 and liis pretensions are so roughly handled. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson was required *• to report to the House a 
 proper plan for establishing uniformity in the currency 
 of weights and measures of the United States." 
 
 " The object of a plain, sensible man, more anxious to 
 render solid services to the country, than to acquire re- 
 putation by Tupedantick display of science, would natural- 
 ly have been, to ascertain the existing currency, weights 
 and measures in the United States, and to establish such 
 2l standard, as would be most conformable to the general 
 use, and attended with the least innovation and distress. 
 
 '* In respect to uniformity in measures, nothing more 
 would have been requisite than to have proposed that 
 some determined standard should be made and lodged 
 in some public depository, to which access might be liad, 
 wben necessary. 
 
 ** Instead of this, Mr. Jefferson proposes a system, which 
 professes extreme minuteness, precision and accuracyy 
 and yet, when examined, is found to leave every tJilng ta, 
 E2 
 
54 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 For him to sob, and sigh and groan 
 0*er the green grave of Washington .2* 
 
 the skill and accuracy 9f a Watchmaker ;* a system, de- 
 pending on criteria, which he considered as important , 
 and yet, which are not defined in such manner as to 
 admit of an application of them. 
 
 ** He begins the report with observing, *' that there 
 exists not in nature a single subject, or species of sub- 
 ject accessible to man, which permits one constant 
 and uniform dimension." The causes of this variation 
 of dimension are stated to be expansion and contraction^ 
 occasioned by change of temperature. Iron is stated to 
 be the least expansible of metals, and the degree of ex- 
 pansion of a pendulum of 58. 7, inches is said to be 
 from 200 to 300 parts of an inch, 
 
 Mr. Jefferson, however, says, "that the globe of the 
 earth might be considered a< invariable in all its dimen- 
 sions, and that its circumference would furnish an inva- 
 riable measure** But if a small portion of the least ex- 
 pansible metal, iron, is so affected by temperature, how 
 can it be true,, that the globe would furnish an invariable 
 measure ? Is not the whole earth, composed as it is of 
 various elements, all more expansible than iron, liable t» 
 be affected by changes of temperature? Are not differ- 
 
 " * Report, p. 3. *' In order to avoid the uncertainties 
 "ivhich respect the centre of oscillation, it has been proposed 
 by Mr. Leslie, an ingenious artist of Philadelphia, to 
 substitute for the penduluin, an uniform cylindrical rod, 
 XDithout a hob.*' 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 55 
 
 When this same gentleman had paid 
 One who set up the lying trade, 
 
 cnt sides of the earth presented to the sun, at different 
 Seasons of the year? Is not the whole globe nearer to the 
 sun in some parts of its orbit, than at others? Is it not, 
 of course, more susceptible of heat, and more affected 
 by attraction, both of which operate to affect the dimen- 
 sions of our globe? Is it likely that earth, water, and 
 other elements, are so equally distributed through our 
 globe, as that the degrees of expansion and contraction, 
 occasioned by changes of seasons, exactly counter- 
 balance each other ? Was it not known to Mr. Jefferson, 
 that no two of the great circles of our globe are of equal 
 circumference, and that this rendered his position, at 
 least doubtful ? 
 
 " Mr. Jetferson says, " that no one circle of the globe 
 is accessible to admeasurement in all its parts, and that 
 tile trials to measure portions have been of such various 
 result, as to shew that there is no dependence on that ope- 
 ration for certainty. If this be true, what were the i/afa 
 upon which it was asserted, that the whole circumference. 
 would furnish an invariable measure ? The Frencli phi- 
 losophers now say the conirary, and they have lately ac- 
 tually taken a section of the earth for their standard. Who 
 is to decide between these doctors, or are they all aiming 
 to puzzle plain -people, by an afectaiion of accuracy, 
 which is unattainable ? 
 
 " Mr. Jeiferson's standard is " a uniform cylindrical rod 
 of iron, of such length, as in latitude 45 degrees, in the 
 level of the ocean, and in a cellar or other place, the tem- 
 perature of wliich does not vary throughout the year, shall 
 
55 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 A scoundrel from a foreign nation 
 To stab that hero's reputation ?23 
 
 perform its vibrations, in small aiid equal arcs, in one se- 
 cond of mean time." 
 
 " The degree of 45 degrees is assumed, because it was 
 proposed by France, and because it was the northern 
 boundary of the United States. He says, "let the 
 completion of the 45 degrees then give the standard for 
 our union, with the hope, he facetiously adds, that it 
 may become a line of union , with the rest of the world;" 
 a pleasant conceit ! it was kind in this profound philoso- 
 pher to emerge from the depth of his experimental cel- 
 lar, to enliven this scientific and abstruse subject with a 
 pun. 
 
 '* But our philosopher's hope of a line of union with the 
 rest of the world is already defeated; the French, have, 
 since his report, taken a section of a meridional line for 
 their standard*. Their pendulum for ^5 degrees is to 
 
 * Notivithstamling this friendly hope, the French haic 
 treated our philosopher very cavalierly, by altogether dis- 
 regarding, in their late system, his learned labors. 
 Though he tvas so ready to adopt whatever they proposed, 
 they have not even condescended to take the leant notice of 
 his report. Even Fauchet, in his, letter to the secretary 
 of state, communicating the French standard of weights 
 and measures, seems not to have even heard of the secre- 
 tary's report ; for he says, " France was the first to place 
 those researches among the cares of government. Ameri^ 
 ca, if ImistoJce not, has since followed the example, far 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 57 
 
 What think you of his double shuffle. 
 When he and Genet had a scuffle/^ 
 
 vibrate 100,000 seconds, while Mr. Jefferson's is vibrating 
 86,400. 
 
 " I'he French have outdone even Mr. Jefferson in in- 
 novation ; thus illusory lias the expectation proved, that 
 the hobby-horse of one philosopher will be respected by 
 another. 
 
 '* But why this attempt at absolute accuracy? He ad- 
 mits that the pendulum of 45 degrees differs from the 
 pendulum of 31 degrees, only 1-679 part of its whole 
 length, and that this difference is so minute that it might 
 be neglected, as insensible for the common purposes of 
 life. There was some reason for the attempt beyond a 
 display of learning, or there was not ; if perfect exact-' 
 ness was desirable, why where the following causes of 
 uncertainty and error unnoticed ? 
 
 *' 1st. The experinient, he says, must be made in 
 the level of the ocean, to prevent that increment to the 
 radius of the earth and consequent diminution of the 
 length of the pendulum, which a higher situation would 
 produce : what is the level of the ocean ? the tide rises iti 
 45 degrees about fifteen feet, and there are levels of the 
 ecean at high-water, low-water, and 2Li all points between 
 
 [think I have heard that the present government were en- 
 imaging in the same changes, and even waited the result of 
 the operation made in France on this subject, for the pur- 
 pose of commencing their return." 
 
^ THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Did it become one in his station 
 To show so much prevarication ? 
 
 these extremes. Perfect exactness required that the ex- 
 pression, level of the ocean, should have been defined : 
 this omission has since been rectified in a bill which 
 passed the House of Representatives last session.* 
 
 " 2c]. The experiment, says the report, must be made 
 in a cellar or other place, the temperature of which does 
 not vary throughout tlie year. This is important, or it is 
 not: if important, why x^ot defne the temperature, that 
 it might be ascertained by a thermometer. There arc 
 few or no natural caves or cellars, in which the tempera- 
 ture does not vary : variations are frequently noticed in 
 the deepest caves and mines: various causes may affect 
 the temperature: Mr. Jefferson admits this, in his Notes, 
 p. 21, where he allows that " chymical agents may pro- 
 tluce in subterraneous cavities, 2. factitious heat ;" and 
 these may more or less, affect the temperature inmost 
 caves or cellars. 
 
 '^"Yhependulumh, however, admitted by Mr. Jeffer- 
 son, to be liable to uncertainties, for which he offers no 
 
 * That hill directs, that " the experiments shall he 
 made in the latitude of Philadelphia, at anyplace between 
 the rivers Delaware and Schuylkill, at a known height 
 above the level of cominon high water in the Delaware, 
 and in a known temperature of the atmospliere, according^ 
 to Farenheii's tlhermometer. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. s9 
 
 Will any democrat declare 
 That was a very pious prayer, 
 
 rejuedies : how does it appear that these uncertainties are 
 not more important than the causes of error, to which his 
 attention has been directed ? 
 
 *' 3d. Machinery (says the report, page S,) and a 
 power are necessary, which may exert a small but con. 
 slant effort to renew the waste of motion, but so that they 
 shall neitlier retard nor accelerate the vibrations." 
 
 " But it adds, in the next page, " to estimate and ob- 
 viate this difficulty is the artist's province." "What is this, 
 but to say, that the standard of the United States shall be 
 the pendulum of some clock, made by Mr. Leslie, or 
 some other artist, thus discarding at once all reliance 
 upon the principles before advanced. The difficulty of 
 ascertainingthe centre of oscillation, (which he admits 
 to be impossible, unless in a rod, of which the diameter 
 is *' infinitely s)nall,*') he thinks however can be obtiat- 
 edby Mr. Leslie, the watchmaker. 
 
 ♦' Mr. Jefferson then proceeds to apply his standard, 
 
 " 1st. To measures cf capacity. These he proposes 
 should he four-sided, with rectangular sides and bottom, 
 for which he gives the following reasons : *' cylindrical 
 measures have the advantage of superior strength ; but 
 square ones have the greater advantage of enabling every 
 one, who has a rule in his pocket, to verify their contents, 
 by measuring them." Did it not occur to this profound 
 mathematician, that a man with a rule in his pocket, 
 could a* easily measure the diameter and depth of a cy- 
 
60 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Which he for Adams, whom he hated. 
 So solemnly ejaculated P^^ 
 
 lindrical half bushel as the sides and depth of a square 
 
 1)0X? 
 
 '* 2d. To weights. The standard of weights is pro- 
 posed to be a definite portion of lain water, weighed 
 always in the scnne temperature. " It will be necessary, 
 says he, to refer tliese weights to a determinate mass of 
 substance, the specifick gravity of which is invariable ; 
 rain water is such a substance, and may be referred to 
 every where, and through all time/' But the tempera- 
 ture is not defined ; rain water is varied by several causes ; 
 dust, insects, &c. will create a difference in its weight. 
 The French, in their late plan, have outdone Mr. Jeffer- 
 son ; their standard is distilled water, ascertained by a 
 defined temperature." 
 
 Such is the cruel manner in which the federal rogues 
 cut up a genuine philosopher. 
 
 20 Some borrowed things are well enough. 
 
 A part of Mr. Jeflferson's report on weights and mea- 
 sures, was founded on ideas taken from a volume of the 
 society of Arts and Agriculture, published in Europe, 
 The fluxional calculations are the work of a Professor in 
 Columbia College. Seethe Minerva, a newspaper printed 
 in New-York, of July, 1796. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. u 
 
 Hds he paid nothing to maintain 
 Tiie press of demagogue Duane, 
 
 2 1 To prove his head and h^art allied. 
 
 There is a great affinity between that obliquity of in- 
 tellect, which It-ads a man to M?//^ incorrectly, and that 
 depravity of heart, wliich tends to immoral conduct. A 
 i^rong-tKaded enthusiast, who is addicted to an incorrect 
 and whimsical mode of reasoning and thinking, may easi- 
 I;- »..;ay the qualms of conscience by the opiate of sophism, 
 and even become what Godwin calls an '* honest assas- 
 si?i.'* Perhaps there have been but few crimes of magni- 
 tude committed, in which the perpetrators have not been 
 able to' persuade themselves, that they were justiliable, if 
 not commendable. Religious, political and philosophi- 
 cal enthusiasm have, each in their turn, impelled man- 
 kind to deeds of horror, from which the most abandoned 
 would revolt with abhorrence, if they did not believe 
 that they were actuated by motives which are praise- 
 worthy. 
 
 Thedexterity with which our knight-errants in sedition 
 reconcile their conduct to the dictates of their reason, is 
 well exemplified by Butler, in the character of Hudibras, 
 who thus justifies the breaking of his oath : 
 
 " He that imposes an oath makes it. 
 
 Not he that for convenience takes it ; 
 
 Then how can any man "be said 
 
 To break an oath he never made." 
 
 Butthese being grave old-school reflections, it would 
 F 
 
62 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Teeming with foulest defamation 
 Of Washington's administration.*^ 
 
 be very improper toindulgetliem in acanto, set apart like 
 this, ("or celebrating an illuminalus. 
 
 22 O'er the green grave of Washington. 
 
 It is well known that Mr. Jefferson made a very pretty 
 and suitable parade of grief at the tomb of General Wash- 
 ington. And as remarked by a poet in the Utica Patriot, 
 
 "A genuine tear from a genuine chief 
 Is a genuine proof of a genuine grief !'* 
 
 The federal editor of the New- York Erening Post,, 
 in his aristocratical way thus remarks upon this subject : 
 
 " Will the reader once accompany us to the saddened 
 groves of Mount-Vernon. Behold this same Thomas Jef- 
 ferson at the tomb of Washington ! See him approach 
 the hallowed spot, surrounded by spectators ! — he kneels 
 before the sacred dust ! — he weeps outright at the irre- 
 parable loss of this greatest, best, and most beloved of 
 men ! — sobs choak his utterance ! he clasps his hands in 
 token of pious resignation to the will of heaven, and re- 
 tires in silence amidst the blessings of those whose sym- 
 pathy he had beguiled by " presenting his profession of 
 sorraw." 
 
 23 To stab thsit hero's reputation ? 
 
 Though the circumstance of Mr. Jefferson's having 
 pai«l Calleader foe his services iu abuse of the Federal 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 63 
 
 Pray plaster over, if you can, sir. 
 The ibolish and sophistic answer 
 
 Constitution, fFashington, Adams, and many others of 
 our revolutionary patriots, is proved by letters written with 
 his own hand, yet democrats, with that laudable pertina- 
 city, which is the soul of their party, would never believe 
 a word about the matter. 
 
 " Convince some men against their will. 
 They're of the same opinion still." 
 
 The intelligent and indefatigable editor of the Boston 
 Repertory, makes the following plaint on the occasion : 
 
 '*How often have we been stigmatised as infamous 
 slanderers, for asserting that Mr. Jetferson patronised Cal- 
 lender in his virulent abuse of the Federal Constitution, 
 Washington and A<;|ams. It was a federal lie, and «o de- 
 mocrat would yield credit to a circumstance, which, if 
 true, would exhibit Mr. Jefferson in the blackest colours 
 of political hypocrisy, and allied to that demon of slan- 
 der, for the purpose of lyijig down his betters. We now 
 offer irresistible proof— Mr. Jeifersou's letters to Callen- 
 der, in his own hand writing. One democrat, and 
 one only, has called to satisfy himself!" 
 
 Now this is as it should be. Stick to your party, genu- 
 ine republicans ! right or wrong. 
 
 Our good democrats, with the greatest propriety, as it 
 adds to their popularity, are always fond of uniting th* 
 names of Washington and Jeiferson. That M r. Jeffer- 
 son was friendly to General Washington, and his adminis- 
 tration, will appear from the following elegant extracts, 
 
64 THE JEFFERSONIAD, 
 
 "Which his sublimity did dish up 
 About th'appointment of old Bishop. 
 
 taken from the ** Prospect before Us," at that time patron- 
 ised and its specimen sheets inspected by Mr Jefferson t 
 
 Speaking of General Washington, Mr. Jeiferson's edi- 
 
 // tor says, *' He could not have committed a more pure 
 
 and net violation of his oath to preserve the constitution^ 
 
 and of his official trust ; or a grosser personal insult on 
 
 the representatives." 
 
 ** By his own account, Mr, Washington was twice a 
 ^ TRAITOR. He first renounced the king of England, and 
 thereafter the old confederation. His farewell paper con- 
 tains a variety of miscliievous sentiments." 
 
 "Under the old confederation matters never were 
 t nor could hare been conducted so wretchedly, as they ac- 
 • tually are under the successive monarchs o{ Braiutrec and 
 Mount Ftrnon." 
 
 " Mr. Adams has only completed the scene of ignomi- 
 ny, which Mr. Washington had begun." 
 
 " The republicans were extremely well satisfied at the 
 demise of the general. They felt and feared hi* weight ia 
 the scale of aristocracy ; but they found it necessary to save 
 appearances with tiie multitude by presenting a profession 
 of sorrow. It is a real farce to see the manner in which 
 the citizens at large were treated, in this instance, by both 
 parties. The second burial ! But it i.i impossible to proceed 
 with gravity ; or to comprehend by what means Adams- 
 and congress kept jrom laughing in each other's faces, 
 when they past their unanimous resolution to recom- 
 mend the delivery of suitable orations, discourses and 
 public prayers." 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 65 
 
 Have not his partisans so senseless [less P^t 
 Stripped our great nation quite defence- 
 
 Callender having thus handsomely handled Gen. Wash- 
 ington, attacks Mr. Adams in a manner equally masterly. 
 But by further quotations we may perhaps, by the tueight 
 of our notes, break the peg of our poetry, and fall into 
 the merciless fangs of the criticks. Good democrats, 
 liowever, with their usual ingenuity, have attempted to 
 wipe away every stain from Mr. Jefferson's immaculate 
 character. 
 
 In the first place they contended that the report of 
 Mr, Jefferson's having been concerned in the Prospect 
 before us was a " federal lie." Mr. Jefferson's letters 
 however put them down on that point. 
 
 They then affirmed that Mr. Jefferson paid Callender 
 one hundred dollars after having read the specimen sheets 
 of " the Prospect" out of charity. Finding this ground 
 untenable they pretend that Mr. Jefferson knew nothing 
 of the contents. But it appeared that Mr. Jefferson paid 
 Callender fifty dollars, in part, after Callender had been 
 convicted of sedition for publishing ♦' the Prospect," and 
 of course Mr. Jefferson must have been acquainted with 
 the contents of the work, and that Mr. Jefferson more- 
 over remitted Callendcr's fine of 200 dollars, when the 
 contents of the Prospect had long been known. 
 
 The editor of the Boston Repertory declared that he 
 was possessed of a paragraph in Mr. Jefferson's hand- 
 writing, which was incorporated with Mr. Jefferson's 
 
66 THE JEFFERSONIAIJ. 
 
 VJhile Europe rings with war's alarms^ 
 And half the world is up in arms ? 
 
 own slander in the body of the Prospect " without marks 
 of qaotation." The Enquirer (a man liired to vindicate 
 Mr. J(ffferson) admits that Mr. Jeffersotj wrote a short 
 and harmless paragraph and hut one, in fhe v/hole book. 
 Unfortunately, however, for Mr. Jefferson's advocate the 
 paragraph which he acknowledges was written by Mr. 
 Jefferson is totally different from that mentioned by tlie 
 editor of the Repertory. But this Enquirer-m^n is doubt- 
 less well versed in what Cheethini calls the ** arts of 
 able editors. '^ 
 
 24 When he and Genet had a scuf!!e. 
 
 Genet was /)r/rflie.^y encouraged by Mr. Jefferson u*. 
 his projects to prostrate America at the feet of France, 
 but opposed officially in his capacity of Secretary of State. 
 Genet complained that Mr. Jefferson had treacherously 
 become the instrument of his recall, after having per- 
 suaded him that he was his friend, and initiated him into 
 the mysteries of state. And declared " if I have shown 
 my firmness (in opposing the President,) it is because it 
 is not in my character to speak as many people do in one 
 way and act in another, to have an official language and 
 a language confidsntial." 
 
 25 So solemnly ejaculated ? 
 
 When Mr. Jetf^rson entered on the daties of his ofiace 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 67 
 
 Oar native rigour paralysed. 
 That now our character's despised, 
 
 as Vice-President he eulogised Mr. Adams, then Presi- 
 dent, in the following terms, *•' No man more sincereiy 
 prays that no accident may call me to the higher and 
 more important functions ; (the presidency) they have 
 been justly confided to the eminent character, which has 
 preceded me here, whose talents and integrity have been 
 known and revered by me through a long course of 
 years, and I devoutly pray he rnixy be long preserved for 
 the government, the happiness, and the prosperity of our 
 common country.' ^ 
 
 This was a masterly stroke of policy, more especially, 
 when it ii considered that Mr. Jeiferson, at the time of 
 uttering this solemn petition was employing his purse, 
 pen and influence, in ruining the reputation, and destroy 
 ing the influence of Mr. Adams. 
 
 26 Of Washington's administration. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson is one of the principal patrons of the 
 Aurora, and was the institutor and patron of the Na- 
 tional Gazette, which abounded with abuse against the 
 federal administration, with Washington at it» head. 
 
 27 Stripp'd our great nation quite defenceless? 
 
 Of thirty-four armed ships, our administration havesa" 
 crifjced, at the shrine of economy (sold for one-fourth 
 
68 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 And sunk in foreign estimation 
 To lowest point of degradation ? 
 
 Plundered by every rascal pirate. 
 Who thinks us mark enough to fire at. 
 And forced to suffer with humihty 
 Insults from Spanish imbecility .*8 
 
 Though democratick impudences. 
 To merit making false pretences. 
 Proclaim us prosperous and happy. 
 Like Stingo with his jug of nappy. 
 
 part of their cost) all but thirteen, and some of those 
 -which remain are rotting in philosophical dry docks. 
 But economy is tlie order oi the day, and a wasteful econo- 
 my, is a contradiction in terms. 
 
 28 Insults from Spanish imbecility. 
 
 Depredations on our commerce are committed daily, 
 by the Spaniards and other nations of Europe (Sept. 
 1805.) Mr. Jefferson however, has said, that ** history 
 bears witness to the fact, that a just nation is trusted at 
 its bare word, when recourse is had to armaments and 
 wars to bridle others." It is to be lamented that these 
 •depredators should spoil the president's/rtc theory. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 69 
 
 Yet this prosperity they boast. 
 The theme of many a July toast. 
 Is all the fruit of Federal toils, 
 Though Demo's riot in their spoils. 
 
 What though they boast their knack at sav- 
 'Gainst Federal waste forever raving, [ing. 
 Still decency should keep them dumb, 
 For what they say is all a hum. 
 
 .In Africk, lo, what triumphs won 
 Have told the world what might be done, 
 Did not a weak administration 
 Contrive to paralyse the nation ! 
 
 The /e'fl^e'?Yi/ navy overawes 
 Fell h-^rdes of murderous Bashaws, 
 From whence each democrat assumes 
 To deck his sconce with borrovv'd plumes/-^ 
 
 30 To deck his sconce with borrow'd p'unies. 
 
 Mareat cnrnicula visum 
 Fuvtivis nudata coloribus, II o R , 
 
 •' Stripped of their borrow'd plumes, these crows forloni 
 Shall stand the laughter of the public scorn." 
 
ro THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Thus Duane's Turner cut a figure, 
 And felt, no doubt, as big, or bigger 
 In cloak he'd stolen, as if the same 
 Had been his own by rightful claim. 
 
 Why don't our Carter-hill commander. 
 Who's so beset with Federal slander. 
 Pursue the rogues who " dare devise" 
 Against his Majesty such liesi^^ 
 
 The federalists are accused by their political oppo- 
 nents of having been sparing of their eulogies on the he- 
 roes who distinguished themselves at Tripoli. This, if 
 true, evinces the folly and stupidly of that party ; for 
 those men, who have been most distinguished by their 
 exploits against those pirates, were /rt/fra//^^5, and most 
 of them commissioned by Washington and Adams. 
 
 50 Against his Majesty such lies ; 
 
 To show to what an amount the impudence of some 
 federal newspaper editors will carry them, we will make 
 one or two extracts from remarks of the editor of the New- 
 York Evening Post, on Mr. Jefferson's inaugural specck 
 No. 2. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson, having reference to some tough libellou$ 
 
 trutJis, which have appeared in the federal newspapers 
 
 agauist him, observed in his speech, that " the artillery 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. ri 
 
 Because in spite of his renown 
 
 He knows the truth would put him down, 
 
 of the press has been levelled against us, charged with 
 whatsoever its licentiousness could devise or dare," and 
 that "he who has time, renders a service to public mo- 
 rals and public tranquillity, in reforming these abuses by 
 the salutary coercions of law." Coleman, supposing, no 
 doubt, that nobody could ever find *' time" for attend- 
 ing to these "salutary coercions," makes perhaps very 
 tr ue, but very libellous remarks. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson in his speech had observed, " I fear not 
 that motives of interest may lead me astray ; I am sensi-^ 
 ble of no passion which could seduce me knowingly from 
 the path of justice." Mr. Coleman comments as follows : : 
 " He, who with the bribery of office has corrupted the | 
 integrity of the nation, has demoralized the American ■ 
 people for the purpose of personal aggrandizement, now ) 
 boasts that no motives of interest can lead him astray. / 
 He, who in a publick address to the senate of the United 
 States, solemnly declared that Mr. John Adams was an 
 eminent character, whose talents and integrity had been 
 long known and revered by him (Mr, Jeiferson) through 
 a long courie of years, and had been the foundation of 
 a cordial and uninterrupted friendship between them j 
 and concluded with " devoutly (his own word) devout- 
 ly praying," that the same Mr. Adams " might be long 
 preserved for the government, the happiness, and pros- 
 perity of our common country," went away and hired a 
 
7« THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Nor has he hardihood to sport 
 His rotten character in court. 
 
 mercenary rascal 1« make it his business to traduce thl* 
 very Mr. AdanisTTn the most violent language that his 
 invention could supply. Yes, he feasted his eyes with 
 the perusal of the manuscript, in which the man vith 
 •whom he had so long, as he told the senate, " maintain- 
 ed a cordial and uninterrupted friendship," was spoken 
 of as the lowest of wretches, where he was denominated 
 the most execrable of scoundrels, the scourge, the 
 scorn, the outcast of America, without abilities, and 
 without virtue, and then returncd'it with the most un- 
 qualified approbation, saying, that " such papers could 
 not fail to produce the best effect,^* and as a part recom- 
 pence, sent him an order for fifty dollars on account of 
 previous vork. Need any thing mure be added ? yes, 
 one tale shall be added, and in v«ry explicit language, so 
 that if the Attorney General of the United States caa 
 ** find time," and Mr. Jefferson should still remain of 
 opinion, after seeing the article, (and I know he honours 
 the Evening Post with his pt^rusai) that it will be render- 
 ing a ** service to pubiick morals and publick tranquilli- 
 ty," to resort to tlie *' salutary coercion of law," and 
 prosecute the editor for a libel, Ridtter may not be want- 
 ing on which to found the indictment. I only stipulate 
 for the pritilege of giving the truth in evidence. Then 
 be it known, that he who now holds himself up to the 
 / \Torld as a man incapable of being seduced by passion 
 \from the path of rectitude, stole to the chamber of his 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 73 
 
 Thus spake this mattering son of slander. 
 And made it plain to each bye-stander 
 
 absent friend by night, and attempted to violate his 
 
 bed. * •* * 
 
 " As it generally happens, that when once tlie devil 
 gets hold of a man he seldom lets him go with a single 
 crime on his head, so this man, to the baseness of his first 
 attempt, added a second. As a cover to the abrupt discon- 
 nection of intercourse that followed the disclosure of the 
 secret to the husband, he told abase and slanderous lie, 
 and said, that his intimacy with Mr. Walker had been 
 broken off by Mr. Walker's unhandsome conduct in the 
 settlement of an estate, which he had in charge ; all 
 which now stands on record, being very handsomely en- 
 grossed with his omi hand. Now let Mr. Jefferson, if 
 he pleases, call this a " false and defamatory publica- 
 tion," and recommend a prosecution accordingly." 
 
 What a daring fellow this, but nobody can " find 
 time" to prosecute him. Moreover, Mr. Jelferson's vin- 
 dicator in the '* Richmond Enquirer," has made this ap- 
 pear to be a very trivial aifair, for he says, 
 
 If THE TALE OF M RS. WaL KER W AS REHEARS- 
 ED TO A NATION OF Anchorites, they would 
 
 SMILE AT its ABSURDITY ; THAT AN INDIVIDUAL 
 SHOULD BE ABUSED, CENSUREL, AND THREATEN- 
 ED WITH EXPOSURE IN THE PUSLICK PRINTS, TOR 
 HAVING, FORTY YEARS SINCE, FELT AN IMPRO- 
 PER PASSION: AT A TIME WHEN YOUTH, EXEMP- 
 TION FROM MATRIMONIAL OBLIGATIONS, AND 
 THEFORCEOFFEELINGMIGHT BE PLEADED WITH 
 JUSTICE ! I ! 
 
 G 
 
74, THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 He was a rogue belonging unto 
 The most nefarious Essex junto.^' 
 
 But should r ever hear again 
 A scoundrel mutter such a strain, 
 I'll teach the knave by dint of banging, 
 A prettier method of haranguing. 
 
 For know ye stubborn Feds, that I 
 Am very nearly six feet high. 
 Stout in proportion, own a cudgel 
 For those of Jefferson who judge ill. 
 
 31 The most nefarious Essex Junto, 
 
 The Essex Junto is one of the bugbears, with which 
 the Boston Chronicle scribblers frighten the babes and 
 old women of democracy. But this, like many other 
 gun-powder plots against the peace and dignity of the 
 sovereign people, is a phantom which they have conjured 
 up for the purpose of deception. The men whom they 
 would designate as an Essex Junto, are as much inter- 
 ested in the preservation of a;Republican government, as 
 any men in the community, and would, by the intro. 
 duction of a Monarchical government, dig a pit for their 
 0wn destruction. 
 
 So say the Federalists, but they are Monarchy-men 
 notwithstanding, and wish to make John Adams king. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. rS 
 
 With plenipotent paw a club in, 
 I'll give each Fed'rai rogue a drubbing 
 Who wont humillime succumb. 
 At beat of our poetick drum. 
 
 And kneel before the mighty man. 
 Who leads the democratick van. 
 The glorious Chief of Carter's mountain 
 Of democratick power the fountain -, — 
 
 The theme of demi-adoration. 
 The very right-hand of our nation. 
 Compared with whom, all heroes must rate 
 As gun-boat liken'd to a first-rate, 2* 
 
 32 As gun-boat liken'd to a first rate. 
 
 The curious system of Mr. Jefferson, for creating a 
 naval force adequate to the defence of our commerce, by 
 gun-boats, No's. 1, 2, &c. up, perhaps, to 5 or 6, is 
 thus described in the New Year's Message, from the 
 carriers of the Boston Palladium. Although gun-boat 
 number one, as there exhibited, may appear to be some- 
 what too consequential to be introduced by way of com- 
 ment on om political text, yet, as it appears to have som e 
 connection with our simile, we give it a place. 
 
76 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 And though I shan't have much to say t'ye, 
 You'il find my arguments are weighty. 
 
 Have not our wise adnVmistration 
 Done certain wonders for the nation ? 
 O yes— they've built us more than one boat. 
 In modern jargon caliM a Gun Boat. 
 Yes ; — they have built us — let me see. 
 Enough to make out nearly Three, 
 But one of those, O what a rare go, 
 March'd to a cornfield for a scare-crow ! 
 Which show'd Miss Gun-Boafs calculation, 
 And that she knew her pi'opcr station ! 
 
 did her masters but know theirs, 
 
 L — d, how 'twould brighten our affairs. 
 Our Gun-Boats ! themes of adiiiiration 
 
 1 o every seaman in the nation, 
 Tiie very essence, in reality, 
 Of vast philosophis^cality ! 
 
 One round half dozen, I've a notion. 
 Would carry terror through the ocean, 
 Andeight or ten, in my opinion, 
 Would give us Neptune's whole dominion ! 
 
 Should Britain come, with ali i;er shipping, 
 Good I. — ^d, we'd give her such a whipping. 
 She'd wish the navy of lier island 
 Had been just nineteen leagues on dry land 
 Before she'd impudence to enter 
 On such a perilous adventure ; 
 For Number One will sink her navy, 
 In half a second, to old Davy, 
 
 1 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 7 
 
 Withal, so manfully propounded. 
 
 If not convinced, you'll be confounded. 
 
 Then, as we wish her nothing but ill. 
 Her petty, paltry isle we'll scuttle. 
 And since 'tis time th' Old Nick had got 'em, 
 Send the whole nation to the bottom ! 
 
 What mighty matters might be done, 
 For instance, Gun-Boat Number One, 
 From Washington descends in might. 
 With head and tail " chock full of fight !'* 
 
 Abash'd, potowmack hides his head ; 
 Neptune, half petrifi'd with dread. 
 And awe, and admiration rapt in. 
 Resigns his chariot to the Captain. 
 
 Great Captain Buckskin ; please to ride in't, 
 Terrific Sir, and here^s my trident ! 
 You cut a dash so big and mighty, 
 You've sadly frighten'd Amphitrite ! 
 My sea-nymphs sure have lost their wits, 
 There's Thetis in hysteritk fits ! 
 Take my dominions, every foot, 
 O L—d ! O L— d ! but pray donU shoot ! 
 
 Now gallant Number One, by chance. 
 
 Meets England's fleet combin'd with France, 
 
 Is soon prepared at bolh her ends, 
 
 Stand clear all rogues, except our Friends ! 
 
 Now comes the fleet in line of battle. 
 
 The heaven's rebellowing cannons rattle, 
 G2 
 
78 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 By knocking down each Federal prater, 
 I'll e'en surpass our Legislature, 
 In bold display of sheer authority, 
 In dumb and digiiifi'd majority .^^ 
 
 Each smoke envelop'd grand first-rater, 
 Lojks like the mouth of .'Etna's crater.— 
 Pop ! goes our gun, like Pluto's mortar. 
 Splash \— there they are — all under water I ! ! 
 Not quicker, struck by Jove's own thunder, 
 Did earth-born Titans erst knock under. 
 Than these when liit by their superiors. 
 From Gun-Boat, Number One's posteriors. 
 
 But were it true, as has heen said. 
 By many a wicked muttering Fed, 
 That every Gun -Boat is a wherry. 
 Which migiit disgrace old Charon's ferry ; 
 
 Still, when Sir Johnny Randolph's taught her, 
 
 She'll keep the peace in shalloiv watery 
 
 Strike rampant porpoises with awe. 
 
 And govern mackerel by law ; 
 
 Dog-fishes, dolphins, if they've wit, 
 « To our Sea-Mammoth will submit. 
 
 No grampus dare to stand a scratch. 
 
 And even a shark would find his match ! 
 
 33 la dumb and dignified majority. 
 The wisdom of our democralick members of Congress 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. 79 
 
 But now my modest little Muse, 
 Who drips with Hybla's honey dews. 
 Her court'sy makes to curry favour. 
 With Federal gentlefolks, who waver. 
 
 Good Messrs. almost Democrats, 
 If you were not as blind as bats. 
 Before our Chief, your trembling knees on. 
 You'd deprecate his wrath in season. 
 
 No more at Jefferson be railing, 
 Nor scout the party now prevailing, 
 
 was never more abundantly manifested, than in the affair 
 of their condescending to remain silent, when they had 
 nothing to say for themselves. There is, unquestionably, 
 no small share of prudence and self-denial necessary, for 
 an individual to curb that unruly member, the tongue. 
 How great then ravist have been the prudence and reso- 
 lution of our good deinocrats, in congress assembled, who, 
 for the sake of expediting publick business, could sit mute, 
 and endure to be pelted by arguments which they could 
 not answer. 
 
 Mr. Dana's eulogy* upon the "dumb legislature," 
 will remain a monumentum cevi of the wonderful wisdom 
 w hich tvas manifested by the majority on that occasion. 
 
 * See debate* of congress, 1802. 
 
80 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 Although the tail " has got the upper 
 Hand of the head, for want of crupper. ''^-^ 
 
 The character of this our nation, 
 'Tis time to place on some foundation. 
 Which may without deceit declare 
 To all mankind just what we are. 
 
 And IF Americans are jockies. 
 If public virtue but a mock is. 
 Then—" Hail Columbia ! happy land I" 
 ""^ Where scoundrels have the upper hand ! 
 
 34 " Hand of the head, for want of crupper." 
 
 This beautiful simile we have borrowed from Butler. 
 That author applies it as descriptive of the democracy of 
 the body natural of his hero, Hudibras ; but we think it 
 happily illustrative of the present organization of the body 
 politick of our country. If the reader, however, better 
 likes the following simile, from the same author, Butler, 
 it is much at his service. 
 
 I 
 
 For as a fly that goes to bed, 
 Sleeps with his tail above his head. 
 So in this mongrel state of ours. 
 The rabble are the supreme powers. 
 
THE JEFFERSONIAD. Bt 
 
 JBut let Columbia be contented, 
 As she's at present represented, 
 Nor at our democrats be vext, 
 Lest their great prototype come next. 
 
 Now I'm a man, who would not keep ill 
 Terms, with my sovereign friends, the 
 
 people, 
 Have therefore strove v/ith main and might 
 To wash their Ethiopian white. 
 
 That I might suit them to a tittle. 
 Have stretch'd the truth— and lied a little. 
 For which, my complaisance, I beg. 
 They'll hoist my bardship up a peg 
 
 Or two or so, for I've a notion 
 That none can better bear promotion. 
 And I'll accept of any thing 
 From petty juryman to king. 
 
 Besides, I fancy that his highness 
 Wont treat his eulogist with shyness, 
 But compliment me with a pension. 
 And fine things which I need not mention ; 
 
82 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 
 
 For Canto Fourth, of this my poem. 
 Read by his Mightiness, will show him. 
 He has a friend expert enough in 
 The democratick art of pufFmg. 
 
 But please his Righness-ship, I wont 
 Be Deputy to Mr. Hunt — ^5 
 No, were it offered 'twould be vain, he 
 Wont catch me in Louisiana. 
 
 35 Be Deputy to Mr. Hunt. 
 
 The appointment of a Mr. Hunt to be governor of a 
 district in Louisiana, exinbits wonderfal proof of Mr. 
 Jelferson's solicitude to reward merit, and lon% tried and 
 faithful services. It is true, that this gentleman is yet a 
 boy in ye.irs, to say nothing of his intellect ; but his ex- 
 ertions iu favor of Mr. Jefferson, have been to the full 
 amount of his abilities. Only those who are best ac- 
 quainted with his excellency, governor Hunt, can appre- 
 ciate the stupendous degree of discernment, which Mr. 
 Jeiferson has displayed in his appointment. 
 
CANTO V. 
 
 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Bard proceeds in an ungrateful 
 Task, which is, hangman-like, and hateful, 
 A gang of hypocrites t'expose. 
 And deeds ot intamy disclose; 
 And on the rack of satire, stretches 
 A set of weak and wicked wretches, 
 Whose inauspicious domination 
 Portends destruction to the nation. 
 
 Ye Tories, Demos, Antifeds, 
 Of hollow hearts, and wooden heads. 
 In Washington's own estimation. 
 The curses of our Age and Nation.^e 
 
 36 The curses of our Age and Nation. 
 
 General Washington expressed this idea in his letter to 
 Mr. Carrol, See note 145, p. 168, Vol. I. 
 
S4 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Who and v/hat are ye. Patriots stout. 
 For Freedom, who make such a rout ? 
 Ye are, or should be, men, I'm sure, [pure* 
 Whose hands are clean, whose hearts are 
 
 O yes ! your purity so nice is. 
 The best among you have their prices ;37 
 Flour-Merchants, public defalcators,^^ 
 Horse- Jockies, swindling Speculators. — 
 
 37 The best among you have iheir prices. 
 
 Citizen Fauchet of glorious memory, in his intercepted 
 letter, (which caused the dismission of citizen Randolph, 
 also of glorious memory, the virtuous author of " Pre- 
 cious Confessions") has the following passage : " Mr. 
 Randolph came to see me with an air of great eagerness, 
 and made the overtures of which 1 gave you an account 
 in my No. 6. — ^Thus, with some thousands of dollars, 
 the Republic of France could have decided on civil 
 WAR, or on peace! Thus the consciences of the pre- 
 tended patriots of America, have already their prices ! 
 What will be the old age of this government, if it is thus 
 early decrepid !" See Phocion's Pamphlet. 
 
 38 Flour-Merchants, public defalcators. 
 
 The " Precious Confessions/' of Pscudo- Patriot "Rail- 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 85 
 
 The scum — the scandal of the age, 
 A blot on human nature's page 5 
 In these two epithets mcluded. 
 Deluding knaves, and fools deluded. 
 
 Step forward now, and '' hear affrighted. 
 The crimes of which ye stand indicted s" — 
 Now elevate your culprit paws. 
 While " We the People,'* try your cause. 
 
 dolpli, are too we\l known to require any elucidation in 
 tJiis place. Mr. Randolpli, however, is not the only pre- 
 tended good republican, who has been a public defal- 
 cator. 
 
 39 Deluding knaves, and fools deluded. 
 
 We speak of the leaders of the Faction. There arc, 
 undoubtedly, a great number of honest Democrats, who 
 have been led away by tlie Faction, to whom this line is 
 not applicable. If a man has no better means of politi- 
 cal information, than the Jacobin Newspapers through- 
 out the union, he can be no other than a Democrat, al- 
 though he may be deficient neither in integrity nor dis- 
 ceniment. 
 
 H 
 
86 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 
 
 Step forth, Honestus, lank and lean,4o 
 With lantern jaws and haggard mien, 
 A wight, Lavater would decide. 
 Was Envy's self personified. 
 
 Sir, ha\'e you any thing to say 
 Of scrape fraternal with Genet ? 
 And did you, if the truth were told^ 
 E'er pocket any of his gold r 
 
 Does the arch Democrat inherit 
 
 A greater spleen against true merit P^^ 
 
 40 Step forth, Honestus, lank and lean. 
 
 This Honestus is a well known scribbler in the Boston 
 Chronicle, one of the most mischievous and malignant 
 democratic Newspapers in the United Slates. "We should 
 say nothing of the man's phiz, did we not believe it to be 
 indicative of the qualities of his mind. 
 
 41 A greater spleen against true merit ? 
 
 % adverting to Mr. Honeslus's writings, with the sig- 
 nature of ** Old South," &CC. we shall perceive that 
 his demagogue-ship has spirted his venom at many of the 
 most distinguished characters in the union. He has at- 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. tl 
 
 And though Democracy he founded/ 
 Is he by viler gangs surrounded ? 42 
 
 tacked the clergy in a most insidious manner, and some 
 oF iiis essays are better calculated to da mischief with- a 
 certain class in society, than if they were Oeiier written; 
 as tiiey are addressed to ih^ prejudices and ivea/messcs oi 
 the loivest classeG in tlie community. . 
 
 He is constantly criminating the clergy i..-; ii>;t..;uiiig 
 in politics. Tiie '' People (lie says, p. '21%, ofhls voiiinie 
 of Chronicle Essays) are willing lo \\t^x gositl truths^ 
 though, tliey n)ay be displeased with political heresy.** 
 And pray what is this political heresy? Opposing the 
 man with */ no God or twenty Gods.*' Again, p. 220 of the 
 same volume : " Jf (he apostles had acted as some of our 
 modern clergy do, tliey ivould Imve ruined, in the Jir.^i 
 outset, the whok system ofrevcLdton /'' Mr. Jefferson has 
 liere an advocate worthy of himself! 
 
 1 think lean in no way express tijo reasons why the 
 clergy ought to exert themselves in opposition to Mr. 
 Jefferson, more forcibly than by presenting my readers 
 with the following extract from remarks on tlxcThanks- 
 givir.g Sermon of xMr. Parish, by tlie Editor of the Bos- 
 ton Repertory. 
 
 " it is true, tlie President of the United States, 'and 
 the clergy of our country are at variance; but. the con- 
 troversy is not on subjects of politics, on forms of gov- 
 ernment, or measures of administration. Tlie clergy 
 have not "quit their proper character, to asuime wha 
 docs wui belong to them." It is th( ir inislbrtune to live 
 
88 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Hast tlToii supported thy life long, 
 One measure not precisely wrong, 
 
 in an age, when a man is promoted to the chief magibtra* 
 tyof tlie nation^ who has wantonly assaulted the religion 
 of our fathers, and treated tiiose doGtrines with contempt, 
 -which Christianity teaches us are essential to human feli- 
 city. It is Mr. Jefferson -who has left the character of the 
 civilian, who has sported with the principles of our reli- 
 gion, and no alternative is left for the watchmen of the 
 christian faith, but to retreat before hi» baleful influence, 
 and apostatize from the injunctions of tiieir divine teach- 
 er, or to step forth like faithful soldiers, and repel the 
 scoffs, the sneers, and sophistry of tlie assailant The 
 elevated station of Mr. Jefferson, so far from imposing aa 
 obligation of silence, calls on the clergy for a more zeal- 
 ous exertion of their powers in defence of reiigicn, in 
 proportion as his writings are like to possess greater weight 
 from his political ascendance.'* 
 
 4-2 Is he by viler g2ng«> surrounded ? 
 
 We do not pretend to gh'e a history of Hone's private 
 Jockey-club, buflice it to say, that the nefarious rene- 
 gade, Pasquin, is one of his privy counsellors, and he 
 alone is a gang. 
 
 Since writing the above, Pasquin has relinquisjied the 
 service of tiic Boston Chronicle, in which he and Hones- 
 tusv ere Co-editors. [Oct. 1805] 
 
 4 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. «9 
 
 One single thing, when you your best dicl^ 
 Whose usefulness by i hue is tested ?'^^ 
 
 When did the tyrant Bonaparte, 
 E'er find an advocate more hearty ? 
 Or one more ready to advance 
 The wildest whims of frantick France ?^^ 
 
 43 Whose usefulness by twie is tested* 
 
 This observation does not apply, exdusively, to the de- 
 magogue now under consideration. Is'one of tliose mea- 
 sures, of which democrats have been such strenuous ad- 
 vocates, have been found of practical utility ; and since 
 they have been in power, they have copied (he example 
 of the federalists, except in certain measures, which are 
 calculated to oppress the poorer people ; such as repealing 
 taxes on carriages, loaf-sugar, and oUier luxuries, and in- 
 creasing them on salt, and other necessaries of life. 
 
 44 The v/ildest whinvi of frantick France? 
 
 A review of tJie scrawl of tliis, an-i other Ciironicle pa- 
 triots, on the subject of the French revolution, ever rccaliS; 
 to memory, the following lines from Cowper:. 
 
 " Yon roaring.boy.s, who rave and fight. ,: 
 
 On t'other side tlvAtlaniick, 
 I always thought were in the riglit, 
 
 But iVJGstso, when most frantick."' 
 H2 
 
90 THE GIBBET OF SATI KE. 
 
 Are you the Jacobin of spirit, 
 
 Who first found out your own great merits 
 
 And in political careering, 
 
 First practis'd self-electioneering ?^^ 
 
 How came you, modest Sir, to hit on 
 This horrid practice of Great Britain, 
 When you, as every body knows. 
 Are one of her determin'd foes ? 
 
 Are you indeed the very man. 
 
 Who seenCd t* oppose the Funding Plan, 
 
 An hypocritical pretence 
 
 To pocket its emoluments r*^ 
 
 45 First practis'd self-electioneering ? 
 
 We believe Honestus is the personage vfho introduced 
 iu Massaciiusetts that appendage of British corruption, 
 self-electioneering. He first mounted the hustings, West- 
 minster-like, and told all the world zvluit nobody kneiv be- 
 fore, that he was himself a very proper candidate for of- 
 fice, a friend to the people, &c. 
 
 46 To pocket its emoluments ? 
 
 Honestus was once a very strenuous opponenttothe fund- 
 ing system. Now, forsooth, as Commissioner of LoanSj 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. di 
 
 Has it not been your constant aim, 
 The passions of the mob t' inflame ; 
 Their jealousy and pride exciting 
 By flattery, falsehood, and backbiting?^.? 
 
 he is pocketing the people's money, in consequence of 
 holding an office, which isan appendage of the same owe 
 obnoxious system. What a pure patriot ! ! 
 
 47 By tlattcry, falsehood, and backbiting ? 
 
 We have but one simple apology to make for taking 
 notice of " Old South,*' alias " Honeslus." In this 
 apology we beg leave to repeat a sentiment wliiqh we have 
 before expressed, that the bite of an asp may be as fatal 
 as ihe pazv of a lion. Old South's writings would be es- 
 teemed by us as too insipid for animadversion, were they 
 not calculated, by virtue of that same insipidity, to be 
 very miscliievous. He never soars above tiie level of the 
 undejstanding of the lowest class of the community, and 
 like a fanatical preacher, his essays are always addressed 
 to the passions and the feelings of those men, whose pas- 
 sions and feelings are strong] but whose intellects are 
 iveak,^nd who are tiie soul of ail these violent revolutions, 
 v^hich leave society worse than they found it. 
 
 *' Old South'* is ever harping on the subject of the 
 
 " BENEVOLENCE AND THE DIGNITY OF THE PEG- 
 
 1>LE." It would be very well to recommend those vir- 
 tues, and to suppose that they do exist in a high degree 
 in America, as this supposition may do something tn- 
 
92 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Pray Sir, if one may be so bold. 
 How many lies may you have told, 
 
 wards forming aNATiONAL character among Ameri- 
 cans, and lead to a high sense of honor and honesty, 
 without which there can be no real freedom, or long con- 
 tinued national prosperity. But what conclusions does 
 Mr. Old South draw fromhis premises under that head ? 
 That if the people were left destitute of restraints, by en- 
 ioying liberty without law, all would be "BENtvo- 
 LEN'CEand DIGNITY-" But thc experience of all ages 
 !5 against him. A purely democratick government would 
 soon ha^i savage state* 
 
 . <' Old South," in a long essay/ on the subject 
 of " the benevolence and dignity of the people," produ- 
 ces one extraordinary instance of democratick insanity, 
 in proof of his assertions : " As soon," says he, *' as 
 peace was proclaimed between the two nations, (France 
 and England) the people exercised their natural benevG- 
 Icnce, and rushed forth like a torrent, to receive with open 
 arms, the messenger of this joyful intelligence ; the city 
 of London resounded with *' long live Bonaparte ! long* 
 ■live the French nation ! the horses were dismissed from 
 the carriages, as beiiig too slow in their progress, and the 
 people became the promulgators of the glad tidings, by 
 conducting tlie herald to the metropolis." 
 
 Here is Bone's specimen of " benevolence and 
 .DIGNITY." These hlped coach-horses of Mr. Lauriston, 
 
 •* Sec nf>leQ9.p, 2\, Fcl L 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 93 
 
 Since you, and certain other knowing 
 Knaves, set the Chronicle a going ? 
 
 Now, ere too Jate, begin repentance. 
 Before the people pass their sentence, 
 That they no longer will be bit 
 By such a shallow hypocrite/^ 
 
 exhibited much democraikk d'l^^hliy In their silly manceu- 
 vre of dragging this ** herald of peace/' to St, Janie/s- 
 pabce. But what said those who knew something of tbis 
 subject ? That the peace was hollow, insincere on tlie 
 side of Bonaparte, and that England must arm, and be on 
 the alert, or submit to the doiniuatiaa of that anprinci. 
 pled usurper. 
 
 I'iiis is an instance among a thousand, of Hod6*s incon- 
 sistencies. The man is wrong-headed ; he has furnished 
 his noddle with a jumble of facts and principles, but has 
 not sufficient strength of intellect to digest, zx\<\ draw pro- 
 per conclusions from the thingv which come within the 
 sphere of his knowK^dge. A ** little /earmng,'^ with a 
 great dtficit of common sense, makes a man very mis- 
 chie\ous in society. 
 
 4S By such a siiaiiow hypocrite. 
 
 V/e are not fond of calling names, but it somelimes be- 
 eomes necessary fsjr a right uiulerstanding of thmgs. 
 That Mr. Honcslus has endeavoured to make his palriot- 
 
94 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 For though you stride, without remorse. 
 Fell faction^s hobbling hobby horse, 
 
 i5m a stepping-stone to power, is evident from his con- 
 duct, which has not hccn quite so equivocal as his pro- 
 fessions. 
 
 Mr. Honestus pretends to rank himself with tiie patri- 
 ots of 1775, and anathematizes all those who will not pro- 
 nounce his Shibboleth, as old tories. Bat unless we are 
 wrongly informed, thii gentleman, during our revolution- 
 n: }■ w'ar, although perhaps not iii a cave, sought an asy- 
 lum in obscurity. He began, however, to fish in the 
 troubled waters, which succeeded the revolution, about 
 the time of Shays' insurrection, and has been ever since 
 constant in his efforts to arm the passions against the in- 
 tellect of the community, and set the physical, in battle 
 array against the intellectual powers of society. 
 
 The motives of Honestus in such proceedings, are 
 ]?;-jb ably, similar to those of all other demagogues. Pride 
 and ambition impel him to strive to be a great man. 
 But nature having been somewliat niggardly with regard 
 to those endowments, which, in regular governments, are 
 thought necessary to qualify a man for office, Honestus 
 has no other way of gratifying his- leading propensity, 
 than to excite confusion, in order to rise in the tumult. 
 But, notwithstanding all .his canting about his fri-endbhip 
 to the people, we have never heard of his hesitating to 
 pocket their money, even for services in those offices 
 which he had stigmatised as burthensonie and expensive. 
 A ng for such a friend to the people ! 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 95 
 
 The jade may toss, by sudden flirt. 
 Your demagogue-ship in the dirt.-*^ 
 
 For freedom you may make a pother. 
 But 'twill be known, one time or other. 
 How oft the People's good is lost in 
 The greater good of Mr. ^uJfCCn^ 
 
 Step forward, "simple" Tony Pasquin,^^ 
 In Presidential favour basking,5i 
 
 49 Your demagogue-ship in the dirt. 
 
 " So have I seen with armed heel, 
 A wiglit bestride a common-weal. 
 While still the'mofejje kick'd and spurr'd. 
 The less the sullen jade has stirr'd." 
 
 HuDiBRAs, Canto I. 
 
 jO Step forward, "simple" Tony Pasquin. 
 
 This reptile, who is the right hand Chronicle-mart, 
 has been so pre-eminently infamous, that it appears there 
 was put one step which the creature could take io com* ' 
 pletethe degradation of his character, to the lowest pitch 
 of which human nature is capable. This step he has 
 taken, by enlisting into the Chronicle service, and ex- 
 erting himself to diffuse the poison of his principles among 
 
96 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 A very proper sort of crony. 
 For such a wight as Mr. Hone 
 
 the poor deluded beings, ^ho are so simple as to reap 
 the effusions of his " jobbernowl." 
 ' We shall n©t here attempt, what we once intended, a 
 sketch of his biography, but merply state a few particu- 
 lars, which will beevinciveof theJkindof talents, which 
 are necessary to qualify a man for the eminent station of 
 Editor of a democratic Newspaper. 
 
 In Tony's celebrated law-suit against Faulder and 
 others, which has been published in the Repertory in this 
 town, and which we remember to have seen in England, 
 there appears such adevelopement of the infamy of this 
 most detestable of all wretches, that one would not 
 think it possible, that a human being, who possessed the 
 least pretensions to respectability in society would be his 
 associate. 
 
 I will not trouble the reader with' any minute strictures 
 on the character of this pitiful vagrant, but merely con- 
 clude this note with the concluding remark of Mr. Gar- 
 row, in the trial to which I have above referred, together 
 with a statement of the result of the trial, in which this 
 pure-hearted patriot sought recompense for having been 
 calumniated. 
 
 " I see by your countenances, gentlemen, tiiat it is 
 unnecessary to proceed any further with tiiis man's infa- 
 mous and abominable productions. I will not, therefore, 
 harrass your feelings; let them rest for the present — but 
 I will appeal to your sense of propriety, to that of all 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Sr 
 
 I'm free to own, that I'm amaz'd. 
 Your heart deprav'd, your noddle craz'd/^ 
 That even our leaders of sedition. 
 Should use you for a politician. 
 
 who hear me, and ask, whetlicr this common libeller, 
 this vile traducer of honour and integrity, this hireling 
 blaster of youth and innocence, should be suffered to 
 coiiie into this court, and ask satisfaction for being des- 
 cribed under the cliaracter he has voluntarily and osten- 
 tatiously assumed ? Should he, who has been proved be- 
 fore you to be the author of works, of which every line 
 is calumny, sue for your protection, under the pretence 
 that he is calumniated? Shall he say to you, gentlemen, 
 I have been, from my youth up, earning a scandalous 
 subsistence by vilifying my sovereign, insulting his au- 
 gust family, belying his ministers, traducing his courts of 
 justice and subjects, from the highest to the lowest; give 
 tt^erefore, ample dariiages, because this dirty occupation 
 is not sufficiently proiitable? 
 
 *♦ Shall he say, 1 have violated the ear of modesty in my 
 writings, 1 have ridiculed the ordinances op 
 
 OUR HOLY RELIGION, I HAVE BLASPHEMED '* 
 
 Here some of the juri/gotup, and Lord Kenyon desir- 
 ed Mr. Garrozu to stop, that more was evidently unne- 
 cessary. 
 
 He then said, that it was tlieir duly to consider whether 
 the author of such works aj Ihey he:ii\I read and describ- 
 -cd, Iiad a right to call for damages. 
 L 
 
98 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Our Yankey-Statesmen put to school. 
 To such a sorry sort of tool, 
 
 " With what face (ccmtinued his lordship) can this fel- 
 low find fault with the publication of the defendant, when 
 it appears that the passage here libelled, attaches to him 
 merely as Anthony Pasquin, a name which he has pre- 
 fixed to writings of the most infamous nature ?* It ap- 
 pears to me that the author of the Baviad, has acted a 
 very meritorious part in exposing this man ; and I most 
 earnestly wish and hope that some method will, ere long, 
 be fallen upon to prevent all such unprincipled and me)'- 
 cenary ivretches from going about, unbridled in society 
 to the great annoyance and disquietude of the public." 
 
 The jury, without a moment's hesitation, nonsuited 
 the plaintiif, and the audience •* hissed Jiim out of 
 Court." 
 
 52 In Presidential favour basking. 
 
 We have good authority for asserting, that this ^;jc 
 •ivriter, received a very handsome douceur from Mr. J(-f- 
 ferson, for his services in puffing the Notes on Virginia. 
 
 * Among other stupid productions of Tony , uhich Here 
 read on this occasion, was his Pin-Basket for the Children 
 ofThespis. In this he thus speaks of the celebrated Ed- 
 mund Burke -. 
 
 " And— MuN, with his mouthful of Christ!. J" 
 
 Horrid wretch ! 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 99 
 
 Who CHii't write English if he dies,^^ 
 Will, doubtless, turn out wondrous wise 1 
 
 With such a dirty wretch as Tony, 
 Who but Honestus would be crony ? 
 And what vile renegade but Tony, 
 Would be the intimate of Hone ? 
 
 53 Your heart deprav'd, your noddle craz'd. 
 
 We have seen sundry specimens of Tony's '* admir- 
 ed performances," as he calls them, which were so stu- 
 pidly wild, unmeaning, and unintelligible, that we have 
 thought with Mr. Gilford, in a similar case, that nothing 
 could match them short of a *' transcript from the dark- \ 
 ened walls of Bedlam." ' 
 
 54 Who can't write English if he dies. 
 
 Mr. Garrow has justly said of Tony, that his English 
 was as incorrect as his conduct. 
 
 This paltry scribbler, since the above was written, has 
 quitted the Chronicle service, after grumbling a few ana- 
 thema respecting the small encouragement afforded him 
 in his labours in the cause of republicanism. What we 
 have written, however, will serve to show what sort of be- 
 ings constitute the bestof democratick newspaper editor?^ 
 
too THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Your friends, the Feds, are much delighted 
 To see such noble souls united. 
 And when death threatens squally weather 
 Theyhope e'en then you'll, hang together t 
 
 Come forward, spitting Mathew Lyon, 
 Thy flaming wooden sword pray tie on,^^ 
 
 and stand as a monument of infamy sgainst the party 
 in whose service such a rotable advocate was retained ; 
 and in v.hose service lie would, probably, have continued 
 his meritojious exertions, had not the voice of puhlick 
 contempt fairly hooted liini from the scene of acti( 
 
 tiou. 
 
 54 Thy fliniing wooden sword pray lleon. 
 
 A wooden sword is said to have been presented to this 
 ■warrior, who is ahke renowned in the cabinet and in the 
 fieid, as ?i tribute of respect iov hzv'mg prudently retreated 
 from a post, where it is not impossible he might have 
 been killed or taken by the enemy, had he remained. 
 General Gates, however, like an old aristocrat, ordered 
 our Irish Fabius to be drummed out of camp for cow- 
 ardice. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 101 
 
 Hold up thy head, man, don't be frighted, 
 A bolder warrior ne'er was knighted. 
 
 Great Hero of Ticonderogue, 
 
 So long as valour is in vogue. 
 
 Thy name and merits shall be shouted,^^ 
 
 Nor once by infamy be scouted. 
 
 Thou shalt be held in more repute 
 Than fam'd Calig'la's Consul brute ; 
 
 55 Thy name and merits shall be shouted. 
 
 We are extremely solicitous to eulogise this vvondtrful 
 warrior, and have even gone so far as to hammei out a song, 
 in the prettiest stile imaginable, for no other purpose than 
 to celebrate, and, if possible, to perpetuate the achieve- 
 ments of our Hibernian hero. Although we are not ad- 
 ilicted to be very vociferous on the theme of our own 
 praises, still we must beg leave to observe, that in our 
 opinion, the following song has more delicacy, sweetness,, 
 sense, sensibility, &c. &c. than all the sonnets of Miss 
 Charlotte Smith put together, and we recommend it to 
 be sung by way of catch, glee, sonata, &c. &c. at all 
 the meetings of good democrats, assembled in self-creat- 
 ed constitutional societies, or midnight eleclioaecring cau- 
 Gusses, ox-roasting junkets, &c. &c. &c. 
 
 1.2 
 
10% THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Or mighty Mammoth, prairte dog, 
 Or the best educated hog. 
 
 THE DAGON OF DEMOCRACT, 
 A BRAN NEW SONG. 
 
 jTuNK— .*• O Cupid ForecerJ^I 
 
 O COME let us praise 
 In beautiful lays, 
 
 A wonderful idol of party, 
 And each Democrat, 
 Shall laud Mister Pat, 
 
 The Wooden Sword hero so hearty. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 O then ye are lucky. 
 Good men of Kentucky, 
 
 To choose spitting Matt, for your idol ; 
 Come frolic and caper. 
 By the blaze of his taper,* 
 
 And sing, fol de rol,, diddled! dol. 
 
 No Commandment you break, 
 Though an Idol you make. 
 
 Of the ugly, old Democrat, seeing 
 
 * * Thereby hangs a tale.* 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 103 
 
 Diiane and tbou at loggerhead s,5<> 
 Make fine amusement for the Feds, 
 
 That nothing at all, Sirs, 
 Flies, walks, swims or crawls. Sirs, 
 In the likeness of such an odd being, 
 O then ye are lucky, &c. 
 
 How one pair of stags. 
 
 Erst paid for his passage from Europe; 
 But the price of a score. 
 Would scarce send hint o'er. 
 
 And pay for his hangman a new rope !* 
 O then ye are lucky, &:c. 
 
 When our Independence 
 He strove to defeiid once. 
 
 Great Britain look'd blue at his wrath, S5rs ' 
 But Gun-powder's smell. 
 Didn't suit him so well. 
 
 So he*s knight of the dagger of Lath, Sirs. 
 O then ye are lucky, &c. 
 
 * IVe mention this circumstance to shexv that the price 
 ttf the beast has risen. If hen he first landed in this coun- 
 try, he toas sold to a Mr. Hugh Hanna, of Litchfield:, 
 in Connecticut f for a pair of steers. 
 
104. THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 And all good men are overjoyed. 
 To see such patriots thus employ'd. 
 
 When once he was bor^d, 
 'Bout his line wooden sword. 
 
 He show'd what resentment is fitting. 
 For the sturdy old Pat, 
 Like a rampant ram-cat, 
 
 Even vented his venom by spitting ! 
 O tJien ye are Uicky, &c. 
 
 To be sure he does right. 
 Is very polite. 
 
 Whenever affronted, to drive a 
 Great quid of tobacco. 
 In folk's faces, whack-o, 
 
 And porringers full of saliva ! 
 O then ye are lucky, &c. 
 
 Though he did not budge ill. 
 To 'scape from the cudgel. 
 
 What time a fell Yankey beset hiia ^ 
 No doubt with the tongs. 
 He'd righted his wrongs 
 
 Provided the \ ankey had let him ! 
 O then ye are lucky, &c. 
 
 Although it be true, 
 That setirchthe world through 
 No uglier beast can be fgufld; Sirs I 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 105 
 
 And thou hast well contrived to win. 
 The heart of Goodman Gallatin, 
 
 Good L— d, what of that ? 
 lie's a fine Democrat ; 
 And healtli to the brute shall go round, Sirs ! 
 And O ye are lucky. 
 Good men of Kentucky, 
 
 To choose such a brute for your idol ^ 
 Come froliek and caper. 
 By the blaze of his taper. 
 
 And sing, fol de rol, diddle di dol. 
 
 56 Duane and thou at loggerheads. 
 
 TJiis pair of paddies have lately attacked each other 
 ^ith no small degree of virulence. Lyon, (the less fero- 
 cious beast of tlie two) by turning Stages* evi- 
 dence., has brought out iiis friend Duane, and given some 
 characteristick sketches of himself and party, which can- 
 not fail to amuse all those who can contemplate the 
 backside of human nature with complacency. Had not 
 the tail of the body politick in Ameiica, got the up- 
 perhand, and as Butler says, "sergeant bum invaded 
 shoulders," we would turn with disgust from such exhibi- 
 tions of enormity as are presented to view by the falling- 
 out of these rogues among themselves. But as they have 
 a more intimate acquaintance with each other's projects 
 tlian honest men can have, it may not be bad policy ta 
 
106 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 And IVe no doubt, but he would pleasure 
 With all the money in the treasury. ^"^ [ye, 
 
 attend to their criminations, set a thief to take a thief, and 
 pardon a few who will be active in convicting the rest. 
 
 Lyon has lately addressed a letter to Duane, which 
 perfectly bewrays the character of both these turbulent 
 demagogues ; and if Americans will hereafter be duped by 
 such unprincipled wretches, they will deserve to be doom- 
 ed to slavery. A short extract or two from Lyon's letter, 
 will show what soit of a tool Duane is supposed to be, 
 by his own party, and what honest means those in power 
 have employed, in order to aggrandize themselves at the 
 expense of the country. 
 
 After comparing Duane to a ** skunk " and declaring 
 him to be a ** ivould-be tyrant ^^^ he proceeds as follows : 
 
 ** A wretch (to wit, Duane) hunted tor his crimes, from 
 Asia to Africa, from Africa to Europe, from Europe to 
 America, landed on the Atiantick shore of the United 
 States, seven or eight years ago, incapable of earning 
 his bread, by common honest laborious industry, poor 
 and pennyless, driven for his petulence from the station 
 which first offered him subsistence in America, when a 
 ragged vagabond, with a downcast guilty look HkeCain, 
 expecting every man's hand to be raised against him ; 
 bemired with filth, and shunned as a spectre ; with no 
 other distingnishing property than that of ability to 
 write with severity ; to give falsehood and lies somesem- 
 hlance of truth, and to give truth the appearance of false' 
 hood. The democrats of this country were taken in by 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. lor 
 
 'Tis said by some, O far faiii'd Matt, 
 Although a noted Democrat, 
 
 him ; by their countenance and indulgence, he became 
 the conductor of a press, wliich had been distinguished 
 for its correct course : they enabled him to put on a clean 
 shirt, to fill his belly, to look a little sleek and hold up 
 his head. * * * 
 
 *' 1 told the members (of Congress) to give the man 
 money, all you can atford — let us support him through 
 the crisis, and if our party succeeds in obtaining the reinS 
 •of the government, the paper will support itself; if we 
 fall, it must fall." 
 
 *' I foresaw, his charges would be made up, something 
 Jike those made for printing for the house of representa- 
 tives of the United States, which the committee of that 
 house, with all their vigilance, have not been able tore 
 duce, nearer than 30 per cent, to what other pe( pie will 
 now do it for, when the lowest bidder has the woik." 
 
 " I often told my republican friends, in those days, 
 that the lies of this man would injure our cause, if 
 the conflict lasted long enough to have them exposed. A 
 thousand times has he brought a blush on the face of the 
 honest men of our party, when they read his unfounded at- 
 tacks against their opponents ; with regret, the most dis- 
 cerning foresaw, that themselves would be subject to the 
 same insults and indignities, whenever they happened 
 to displease this unprincipled scaramouch of their own 
 architecture." 
 
108 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 
 
 Thou dost design to turn about. 
 And join the fallen Federal rout. 
 
 " This person is suspected by some, to be at this 
 time favourable to the views of a foreign potentate, 
 [Buonaparte] wlio wishes to see democracy and republi- 
 cams?n;' (very distinct things by the way) *' wrote 
 down and brought into disgrace in this country, &c. &c.'* 
 Thus spake the valorous knight of the wooden sword ; 
 but he still remains tiie very good friend of this '* unprin- 
 4;ipled scaramouch" and,tells Duane ** although a provok- 
 ed monitor, still your old friend is not your enemy,** 
 That ** his republican friends think highly of Duai>e's 
 services." &c. 
 
 One would suppose, that if Lyon had the least symp- 
 -toms of returning honesty, lie would not continue to sup- 
 port a man, whom he declares to " be a wretch hunted 
 for his crimes from Europe to Africa," &c. and whose 
 claims for patronage, consist altogether " in ability to 
 write with severity ; to give falsehood and lies sonic 
 semblance of truth, and to give truth the appearance of 
 falsehood,^ one that he suspects to be ** favourable to 
 the views of a foreign potentate," &c. &c. And that Iiis 
 party would not feel proud in having employed, and 
 continuing to employ, an *' unprincipled wretch, whose 
 LIES, they were told, would injure their cause." But 
 like masters like man. They are all democrats, thev 
 are all shuflSing demagogues. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 10 
 
 And wouldst thou condescend, my hearty^ 
 To head the tertium-quid third party P^s 
 
 57 With all the money in the treasury; 
 
 The Genevan evinced his partiality ^to the paddy/ a$ 
 follows : 
 
 The Knight of the Wooden Sword, was, in 1803, agent 
 to the United States, for furnishing supplies to the army. 
 He drew a bill on the treasury of the United States, for 
 money which would not be due for a number of months. 
 The bill, however, was presented, and immediately paid. 
 
 Mr. Steele, late secretary for the Missisippi territory, 
 drew on the treasury of the United States, for money 
 which was then due to him, under an act of congress, 
 for services performed in collecting the direct tax. The 
 ■ bill was presented, and Gallatin acknowledged it to be 
 due, but would not pay it until a!l the returns under the 
 direct tax had come in, and the accounts were settled. 
 The bill remained unpaid fourteen months, till the ac- 
 counts were settled, when the holder called again on Mr. 
 Gallatin. But the cunning Genevan would not then pay 
 the bill, because all the money due for these services was 
 -not dra-Au for at the same time. 
 
 The Washington Federalist makes the following re- 
 *marks on this scandalous procedure : 
 
 "The baseness of this transaction is only to be fully 
 ^•nderslood, by comparing it with the one first detailed. Ih 
 K 
 
110 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Demo's and Feds would all be merry, 
 Fell Discord's tomahawk to bury. 
 
 the first, we see a man despised by every person of char- 
 acter in the United States, made the agent of Govern- 
 ment, and such anxiety shown to render him services, 
 and to honour his drafts, that they are paid many months 
 before they are due. On the other hand, we see a faithful 
 and good officer, universally respected and esteemed, 
 draw'ing upon the treasury for money acknowledged to 
 be due to him. The secretary, instead of paying it, 
 puts it off on frivolous pretexts, for more than a year, 
 and then subjects the drawer to very great expense, 
 trouble, and delay, which might have been avoided, by 
 stating the objections at first. The damages occasioned 
 by the protest, are regulated by the different states. In 
 few are they less, and some more than 1 5 per centu ni 
 on the whole amount, besides interest, cost, and charges. 
 A pretty little sum for an American to pay, for the whina 
 or caprice of an insolent foreigner ! 
 
 58 To head the tertiuvi-quid third party ? 
 
 Many of our formerly violent democrats, have be- 
 come disgusted with their party, and have learned in 
 the dear school of experience, what was foreseen by the 
 federalists trom the time in which our government was 
 first organized, that the kind of liberty and equality, for 
 which they have been contentious, would not be practi- 
 cable in society. These gentlemen talk about forming 
 
- THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Ill 
 
 Thy dagger, formed of toughest lath. 
 Would quell the rage of party wrath ; 
 And, wav'd by thee like conjurer's wand. 
 Chase Discord's demon from the land. 
 
 Next on our list is Tony Haswell, 
 But he's so small a thing, that as well 
 Might giant bold assail musquitce. 
 As we attack the puny creature. 
 
 a third party, of what they are pleased to call true Ame- 
 ricans, which is to comprise all the moderates of both 
 parties. This may be well enough, but these true Ame- 
 ricans, must become in effect Federalists, whatever they 
 may be pleased to denominate themselves, if they pur- 
 pose to pursue the real interests of their country. But if 
 their intention is to introduce a new order of things, a 
 system of measures different in principle from those of 
 the Washington and Adams administration, their leaders 
 should be chosen from among the Democrats who distin- 
 guished themselves by thwarting the views of those 
 men who laid the foundation for whatsoever of national 
 prosperity we now enjoy. Among these we can think of 
 no person whose courage and conduct so well entitle him 
 to that superb station, as the Knight of the wooden 
 Sword. 
 
tl2 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 
 
 Still as bis party set him high. 
 For once, we'll condescend to try. 
 If we, by any possibility. 
 Can hit this essence of niliility. 
 
 But lest the reader think the trpic 
 On which we treat, too microscopic. 
 We'll merely undertake to show. 
 Our gnat-ling in a note below. ^^ 
 
 50 Our gnat-ling in a note below. 
 
 This^ petty dealer in sedition, has, a number of years 
 past, edited a Newspaper, printed at Bennington, Ver- 
 mont, \v!/ich has been as virulent and mischievous, as 
 the limited talents of ihe particle, which conducted it, 
 would permit. 
 
 Wc once ef.dcavourcd to give the public an idea of 
 the thing, and its Newsp.ipcr, in the foi lowing lines : 
 
 At Bennington, a set of fellows. 
 Of Tony made a [xiirof bellows, 
 , Then plied their tool, with skill amazing. 
 
 To set sedition's coals a blazing ; 
 And hope by dint of pei'severance. 
 To make all smoke within a year hence. 
 In other words, the crooked set, 
 Hir'd him to print a dull Gazette ; 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 113 
 
 The next great man that I can think on. 
 Is no less man than Lawyer L — — n. 
 With whom compared, your Mansfields, * 
 Are but a set of asses* colts. [Holts^. 
 
 A viler and a dirtier thing, 
 
 Ne*er caus'd its editor to swing. 
 
 His papers, take them as they rise. 
 
 Have fewer paragraphs than lies; 
 
 E'en Virgil's Fame, with all her tongues. 
 
 And many a hundred pair of lungs. 
 
 And who with ease, as Poet's say, 
 
 Can forge ten-thousand lies a day, 
 
 Has brok'n her brazen trump, and sighing;, 
 
 To Tony yields the palm of lying I 
 
 +- 
 
 But quoth the reader, tell me why 
 You thus would cannonade a fly ! 
 Would not a warrior simple be. 
 At tilt and tourn'ment with a flea ! 
 We own our error, gentle reader. 
 And stand rebuk'd for our procedure. 
 1 hen, Tony, thou may'st creep along, 
 Unnotic'd in our future sofig. 
 From satire's arrows still exempt, 
 B«;cause thou art beneath contempt f 
 
 Tony, however, continuing to swell like the frog i a 
 theiabie, we were under the disagreeable necessity of mak- 
 
 K2 
 
114 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Lord how my Muse and I should glory 
 To paint his matchless oratory, 
 , For benefit of future times, 
 '111 i€Vi-monumentiim rhj^mes. 
 
 ing a second attempt to liit him, and in our/g^inion, 
 «nade a very good shot, in the following sketch-cf^ 
 
 The origin and FORMATION 
 
 0f the Soul of a noted little Democrat. 
 
 . CERTAIN sages, learn'd and tvAsticcdl 
 By reasoning not one whit sophistical. 
 Have prov'd what's wonderful, to wit. 
 The smallest atom may be split. 
 Then split again, ad infinitum, 
 And diagrams, which much delight 'ra. 
 By Mr. Martin, make it out. 
 Beyond the shadow of a doubt. 
 
 Matter thus splittable, I ween. 
 With half an eye it may be seen. 
 That spirit, being much diviner, 
 May be proportionably finer, 
 Nor is this merely postulatian, 
 ^ris prov'd by facts, and thus we state 'cm. 
 
 Dame Nature, once. In mood of merriment, 
 jT Pcrform'd the following droll experiment. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 115 
 
 But poets, critics, each a million. 
 And each a Homer or Quintillian, 
 With each a pen can't set forth tuWy, 
 The merits of our modern Tully.^*^ 
 
 She took a most diminish'd sprite. 
 Smaller than microsopic mite. 
 An hundred thousand such might lie, 
 Wedg'd in a cambric needle's eye ;— 
 And then by dint of her divinity. 
 Divided it one ivhok Infinity, 
 Next cuU'd the very smallest particle^. 
 And shaped the Democratic article. 
 That little, d-l-sh, dirty dole, 
 Whicli serves for Tony Haswell's soul ! 
 
 But, mirahile dictu ! notwithstanding we thus impaled 
 this insect on the poiiit of the needle of Satire, the puny, 
 cat-lived animalcule is still in existence, and dashes m 
 the character of a leading Democrat in Vermont. 
 
 GO Tlie merits of our modern Tully. 
 
 The idea expressed in this stanza, we have borrowed, 
 with some little alteration, from The Battle of the Kcg&. 
 
 *' A hundred men, with each a pen, 
 
 Or mure, upon my v;oid, Sir, 
 It is most true, would be too few, 
 Their valor to record. Sir." 
 
If 6 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Not e*en the facund Mr. Bangs^i 
 Can equal his sublime harangues. 
 When all his eloquence unmuzzling. 
 He untwists Jury cause so puzzling. 
 
 By help of statute, tome and code, 
 A pretty decent waggon load. 
 When Sugar Cause he had in hand, he 
 Had almost made it sugar candy. ^^ 
 
 61 Not e*en the facund Mr. Bangs, 
 
 A notorious Counsellor at Law, who displayed much of 
 the art of turning and twisting, in the Legislature, in the 
 famous case of Young and Minns, alias the Common-. 
 v?euLh of MaasachubCUs, vs. Mr. Jeiferson. 
 
 62 Had almost made it sugar candy. 
 
 Perhaps some of our readers would prefer to have the 
 «tory of this famous cause told in prose, and as we are so- 
 licitous to gratify the palates of all those who expect en- 
 tertainment from our Parnassian Restaurateur, we beg 
 leave to present them, tog<'tncr with the flummery of our 
 poetry, a relish of roast beef fcoiu the Fxedcrickstown 
 Hei aid, of September 29, 1804. 
 
 'i'he editor of that excellent Newspaper, thus expres- 
 ses iiiiu-rlf of the personai-e wlw»e case ii> ik)W uudef . 
 conijideriUiunj 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 117 
 
 With Common ^ud j//?-Common Law, 
 In which no maa could pick a fiavv, 
 
 " In the National Intelligence • of the 19th inst. the 
 folIo\vii)gconip;inient is paid lo Mr. lincoln, by a writer 
 under the signature of Curtius, ■ The short period 
 during \v!iic!i he held his seal [in Congress] had not ad- 
 mitted of a devdopanent of las tai'^nis, but he cnlered 
 the body with the reputation of emineit taients." — We 
 should be glad to know with what reputation he Ifft it? 
 The truth is, that he entered the body witii the reputa- 
 tion of being one of the vvr ters of a "Worcester paper 
 called the iEgis, and was supposed to be one of the au- 
 thors of a series of essaySy (if a mass of slander, person- 
 al, vindictive and unjust, deserves I lie name) called the 
 "Farmer's Letters;" this was tiie only evidence 
 ■which tlie public had received of his talents, and with 
 this reputation he entered the house, and with this repu- 
 tation only- he left it. It is true, tliat a farther " devdopc 
 inent of his talents'' did not take place during his stay in 
 Congress ; but it is not true that it was owing to "the 
 short period" to which it was confined. He remained 
 sufficiently long to have developed his talents on tlie 
 many important and interesting topics which were each 
 day the subject of discussion. Awed by the splendor 
 which surrounded him, he dared not expose his prate to 
 the keen animadversion of his contemporary opponents. 
 Having just sense enough to practise tlie ir.?x;mof " vlr 
 sapit qui pauca loquitur ,' he shieldvd himself in a stu- 
 
118 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 He did so learnedly begin, 
 
 'Twas thought his head was Lincoln's Inn. 
 
 pid silence, and sat scowling at the eminence which he 
 had not the power to resist. lie therefore went out of 
 Congress as he came in, with the reputation of being a 
 veak spoke iu the wheel of government, 
 
 ** Mr. Lincoln was now appointed Attorney General of 
 the United States, and during the long period in which 
 he has held, we will not say discharged, that office, he has 
 permitted a farther developement of his talents, by making 
 one speech and an half in the Supreme Court. 
 
 ** The first speech was a sufficient developement of his 
 talents, to induce Administration to believe that in any 
 future developement, it might be necessary for the inter- 
 ests of the country, that he should be assisted by other 
 counsel, and therefore, in the celebrated case of the Sugar 
 Refiners, Mr. Dallas was employed, at the expense of 
 several hundred dollars, to render this assistance. Th^ 
 cause was tried at the capitol, in Washington, during 
 llie sitting of Congress, before chief Justice Marshal,^ 
 and Judges Chase and Washington. The hall of the 
 court was crouded with spectators, among whom were 
 observed many foreigners of distinction, and members 
 of Congress. The honourable Levi Lincoln arose — one 
 liand was rested on a large pile of law books, which it 
 "would seem he intended to Use, the other contained a roll 
 of manuscript notes of the case, to which it would seem 
 ke intended to refer. He neither used the one nor referred 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 110 
 
 First he advanced with hems ! and hahs ! 
 '' May't please your honours, inthis cause, 
 " With your good leave, I say, as how, 
 *' My point the first, I'll cpen now : 
 
 to the other. He was on the floor about ten minutes, 
 when having concluded his prefatory remarks, he said, 
 ** I will now inform tiiis honourable Court, of the first 
 point which I have taken in this case."— He paused, " 1 
 say, may it please your honours," (continued he, after a 
 Jittle hesitation) and paused again. — The Court listened 
 with the utmost attention ; the spectators who were at a 
 little distance^rom the bar, anxious to witness the event 
 which t/his illustrious instance of the " montes parturU 
 unt" seemed to promise, closed up in a semicircle 
 around the balustrade of the forum. ** And I was say- 
 ing, (said Mr. Lincoln) I have made a point.*' — He had 
 so. He had reached one which he could not surmount. 
 He told the Court that he begged their kind indulgence; 
 that he felt Exceedingly embarrassed, and wished a few 
 minutes for recollection. The Court bowed assent, and 
 Mr. Lincoln sat down. 
 
 " After a pause of fifteen minutes, during which there 
 •was the most solemn stillness, Mr. Lincoln rose again. 
 He continued to speak about ten minutes more. His 
 manner was wild, incoherent, and unargumentative, 
 and seemed to be an unconnected, promiscuous, and 
 irregular assemblage of words, without the smallest at- 
 tention to an ordo verborum. " I have now come, (said 
 
120 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 *' May*t please the Gonrt---I would say- 
 hem, 
 
 " Fore Gad I'm in a fine dilemm' ! — 
 
 *' May't please the Court— your honours 
 please, 
 
 *' My arguments are 6*/;w/?/j/ these : 
 
 «^ Let my opponents do their worst, 
 " Still my first point is — point the first — 
 " Which f'llly proves my case, because 
 ^' All stritiite laws are — statute laws ! ! ! 
 
 he) may it please your honours, to the second point pro- 
 posed — I say — 'tiie second point which I have taken is 
 this — I have got (said he) to the second point." — He, 
 however, was never able to get any farther, and the 
 Court remain yet to be informed what tiiat second point 
 was. Mr. 'Lincoln was obliged once more to apologize 
 to the Court for being unable to proceed. He said, he 
 felt an embarrassment which he could not cdnquer, and 
 that Mr. Dallas would go on with the cftuse. A confused 
 murmur was heard throughout the hall ; it was the hum 
 of vexation, disappointment, and keen remark. Some 
 bf the auditory felt chagrined at this debaisement of our 
 national dignity ; some felt disappointed and astonished 
 that this exertion of forensic eloquence, should have ter- 
 minated in such a \x\Qi\^W\iig devdopement of the talents 
 of the Attorney General ; and others laughed at tue im- 
 ^ot^r.cy which they had predicted — wixilst the poor Mr. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 1«| 
 
 ^ That is to say — the matter's here, 
 ^' Since I have made this point so clear, 
 '* In favour of my cause and client, 
 ^* Then our side's right, you may rely on't. 
 
 " I think this argument is pat 
 " In point, it therefore follows — that — ; 
 "' Good Lord, I wish I were a mile hence!'* 
 Quoth Lincoln— but quoth Sheriff— "si- 
 lence!'* 
 
 Our Lawyer having found, I trow. 
 That point the first would hardly go. 
 Now stopp'd to cogitate a little. 
 To hit point second to a tittle. 
 
 Point first delivered, as you see, hi$ 
 Head was not pregnant with ideas. 
 Therefore to put things in a train, 
 lie sat down to conceive again. 
 
 Lincoln sat do^yn at the bar, and covered liis face wItK 
 his hands. It would be vain to deny the truth of this 
 5l.itement; the hundreds who were present can testify to 
 its truth. 
 
 L 
 
i22 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 For our great elocution's model. 
 Having discharged his loaded noddle. 
 Found that he must, let who would scoff, 
 E*en load again or not go off: 
 
 Now having chargM, he rose and fix'd — 
 A word or two, which all admir'd. 
 Then for truce put in petition. 
 As he was out of amunition. 
 
 And after many a tug, he found 
 That point the second kept his ground. 
 With most provoking*^ oppugnation^^ 
 To our great Lawyer's grand oration. 
 
 But tho he suffered sad defeat. 
 Friend Dallas cover'd his retreat. 
 And, luckily, by his assistance. 
 The enemy was kept at distance. 
 
 But I by no means would pronounce ill. 
 Of our great man, as chamber counsel. 
 Although some say he did not shine 
 In Callender's remitted fine.^^ 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 125 
 
 Siill his opinion's always good. 
 Provided this be understood, 
 
 63 In Callendei's rerniUed fine. 
 
 The following account of the leadhig features of the 
 case to wliich we here allude, is extracted from the New- 
 York Evening Post ; 
 
 " On the 28th of May, 1800. James Thompson Cal- 
 Jender, was legally convicted of a misdemeanor, and 
 sentenced to pay a fine of two hundred dollars, to be im- 
 prisoned nine months, and find security for his good be- 
 haviour for a certain term, *< beyond the expiration of 
 his imprisonment." Shortly after Callender had paid 
 (he fine into the hands of the Marshal, and after the term 
 of his imprisonment had expired, a general pardon of 
 {he misdemeanor, remitting and releasing all penalties 
 incurred, or to be incurred, 1)y reason thereof, was 
 granted, and sent to the Marshal. Doubts were sug- 
 gested, whether, having once received the money from 
 Callender, the officer could legally pay it back to him. 
 These doubts were communicated to the acting Secretary 
 of State; [to wit, the Hon. L. L. Esqjire] who, altera 
 tlelay of nearly a month, replied, that the question had 
 been considered, and that ** before a fine is paid into ihs 
 Treasury, a pardon remits and restoces it to the party ; 
 concluding with a direction to ** restore the money t« 
 Mr. Callender," which was accordingly done." 
 
 The arguments which are adduced in the able discwr>' 
 sion of the subject, a part of which we have here quole<4 
 
124 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 That when you have it stated, nicely^ 
 'Tis what it should not be, precisely. ^^ 
 
 In fine, I think his honour*s law-miil. 
 Should go by water, like a saw-mill. 
 For that his only chance, I trust, is 
 To chance to do his clients justice. 
 
 But surely never man shone brighter,^ 
 Than our said lawyer as a writer, 
 
 proving that when a fine is paid, it becomes property 
 vested, and that a charter of pardon does not imply rese 
 titution, are too long to be heie inserted. 
 
 €i *Tis what \ishould not be, precisely, 
 
 I hare often thought Pope's sentiment, expressed in 
 the following lines, peculiarly applicable to the profession 
 of law. 
 
 " A little learning is a dangerous thing. 
 Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring; 
 For shallow draughts intoxicate the brain 
 But drinking largely, sobers us again." 
 
 A man who lias but a smattering of law knowledge, it- 
 sure to steer wide of justice and common sense, and at- 
 tempt to make mischeivous di^inctions between law and 
 
 rl^ht. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 125 
 
 Not even Honestus can write better 
 Than I've seen many a " Farmer's" let- 
 
 ^ [ter.<5i> 
 
 S5 Than I've se^n many a " Farmer's'' letter. 
 
 The acute, sagacious and subtle essays, which are suppo- 
 seJ to have been written by our American Junius, with 
 the title of " A Farmer's Letter to the Peo- 
 FLE," will ever remain a suipendous monunient of the 
 astute, penetrating and profound genius of Democracy's 
 " DemosthenesV* Such ductility of fancy, ^uch mal- 
 leability and intertexture of oi:j.t;le nonsense, into com- 
 plicated and unintelligible r'rapsody, was never, perhaps, 
 exceeded by the mad cap French revolutionary declaim- 
 crs OH liberty and equality. We did intend to have fa- 
 voured our readers with our critical remarks on these won. 
 clerful productions, pointing out some of those passages 
 which seem possessed of Colossean merit. But as\yeda 
 Dot wish to inundate our readers with a flood oi verbiage, 
 whhout so much as a tinkling rill o( mcaninf^, we carinot 
 do ourselves the iiigh honour of making copious quota- 
 tions. We will, however, mention two sentences from 
 L^^tter No. X. the one a little involved, and the other not 
 quite true. 
 
 I - - - ' ■ - ■ ■ ■ I - H I ■ 
 
 * The ■merit of t las figure, we conftjs, consi'its entirthj 
 in its appiication,forive borrowed it from one rfthc Fur" 
 liter's Lttters (xie forget zihich) ivherein the pj-ophei /lU" 
 bakkuk is styled ** Prophecy's Demosthenes." 
 L2 
 
125 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 'Tis true, he has not much pretence 
 To grammar, reason, common sense; 
 
 *'If there is no senseof decency remaining, none incul- 
 cated by public teachers; if no beauties are seen in pro- 
 priety or consistency of couduct ; if principles of enmity 
 to public authority are disseminated and nurtured; if 
 the precepts of the wisest, and the experience of the 
 greatest men of ancient and niodern times, are held in 
 contempt and rejected, because they are embraced by 
 the officers of government ; if their unexamined, and un- 
 tried measures should continue to be rudely, suddenly, 
 prematurely and wickedly anathematised by vulgar rash- 
 ness and sacerdotal prejudice, merely because they are 
 theirs ; vain will be our retrospect on past exertions, or 
 revolutionary acquisitions; delusive our hopes of the fu- 
 ture, and miserable the condition of the present and af- 
 ter generations." 
 
 ** If a body meet a body" — &c. or to rise to the 
 *' pinnacle of the foundation" of this subject, 
 
 Ijf a man be like a man, who 
 
 " Sometimes to sense, sometimes to nonsense leaning, 
 " Is always blundering round about his meaning." 
 
 pray who else is he like ? 
 
 The next paragraph which we shall select for our rea- 
 ders "negative instruction," is an absolute falsehood. 
 
 Speaking of a Note addressed to the public by the Edi- 
 tors of the AJercury, proposing to enlarge its size, and 
 •ntitle it the Kew-iLngland Palladium, our author says;^ 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, lit 
 
 What then ? his language is sonorous. 
 And," We the People," forms the chorus. 
 
 What though he flirts about and flounces^ 
 From falsehood into nonsense bounces. 
 He works for our good like a dray horsq. 
 Or satan journeying through Chaos. 
 
 Sure such an Ovid in a Murray, 
 W^ont be forgotten in a hurry ,6^ 
 
 that *' for kss, infinitely ]es«, was Lyon convicted, CallcB- 
 tier and Cooper punished." To those who have read the 
 note and the libels to which it was compared, any corap- 
 Bicnts on this round assertion, would be perfectly frivo- 
 lous. 
 
 €6 Wont be forgotten in a hurry. 
 
 " How sweet an Ovid in a Murray lost," 
 
 said the Poet; but had he been so fortunate as to havfc 
 heard the Sugar Cause argued, and have j)erused the 
 *< Farmer's Letters," he would have ejaculated something 
 very like the above happy couplet, on perceiving the fine* 
 writer, and profound lawyer, happily blended in the per- 
 son of the Attorney General. 
 
128 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Whose every word contains an adage. 
 Meant to reform a bold and bad age. 
 
 We next will stretch on satire's rack, 
 A callous wretch in faded black, 
 A nuisance in our " happy land," 
 A sort of junior Talleyrand. 
 
 Democracy has not a rogue. 
 Amongst her dashers now in vogue, 
 A single Jacobin, or scarce one 
 More mischievous than this said Parson. 
 
 'Twere well had he been hung, before he 
 Began to print th' Observatory,^ 
 
 67 Began to print th' Observatory. 
 
 I1ie following sketch, from the Boston Gazette of July, 
 1804, is somewhat declarative of the demerits of this re- 
 negado Parson : 
 
 *' The Walpole Observatory is understood to be edited 
 
 by a broken Parson, who, we are told, was drummed out 
 
 of a p^ish in Connecticut. There is no want of candor 
 
 in remarking, and we leave it to others, to apply the re- 
 
 ■ mark, if they think it applicable, that there is no wors< 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 12» 
 
 Which would have sav'd an inundation 
 Of lies, which overspread the nation. 
 
 man in society than he who is a renegade from his own 
 profession. When a black coat is too tight for a man's 
 linabs he seldom gets any decent one that will fit them. 
 When the virulence of a man's politics or temper, or the 
 high bribes tliat a party offers for his profligacy, have 
 induced a person to strip off the clergyman, he is gene* 
 rally found to be more deeply corrupt than if he had ne- 
 ver endured the restraints of a good character. Tirtd of 
 being a hypocrite, he spits, like Matthew Lyon, in the 
 "world's face, and says. Shame, I defy you — r'aclion pay 
 me and I will lie for you. 
 
 "In the most Federal part of Newhampsliire, there 
 was, and still is, a verv respectable and useful Newspa- 
 per,. called the Farmer's Museum. The old revolution- 
 ary patriot, so well known, Isaiah Thomas, whom Mr. 
 Jefferson has dismissed for his good services from the 
 Post office, is the principal j)roprietor. To attack Fede- 
 ralism in its strong holds, and to carry the party war into 
 the enemy's country, like Scipio when he invaded Africa, 
 this Parson, who had nevej: seen a Printer's type, was sent 
 every one will believe, by the Administration, to print 
 an Opposition Paper, at Walpole, where it was not wan- 
 ted for information, as there was an excellent paper prin- 
 ted there before. There must be something found to ei:- 
 courage this poor Parson to set up a press, where it is 
 wianifest there was so little room for his business. W hsl 
 
l:0 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 For this same Jacobin high flyer. 
 Is such a Satan oi^ a liar, 
 
 could be done for hiin belter tlian resort to the Adminis- 
 tratioij for a good fat offering, that this Priest of Jacobin- 
 ism might live upon it, till he could revolutionize the 
 slate of New-Hampshire, and bring in Mr. Langdon to 
 be governor. For that end no doubt he was sent , and to 
 cover up from the eyes of the people the intermeddling 
 of our rulers in the politics of the state, this new comer 
 was a]>pointed Printer of the Laws of the United states. 
 But the office, it is understood, was erected for the man, 
 and for the occasion; for the Laws were printed before in 
 Portsmouth, and one printer to a State is as much as has 
 been heretofore deemed necessary, especially when wc 
 consider that New- Hampshire is a small state. 
 
 *' A needy tool for our great men, -\vas, however, wan- 
 ted, and must be providsd for, and in sucli a way as to 
 hide or seem to hide the business— for in truth, saving 
 appearances was all that was regarded. 
 
 " Now we beg to know, how iriuch is allowed to the 
 •Observatory for printing the Laws of the United Statesl 
 Enougli, we believe, to support a Jacobin press. If we 
 are right in this conjecture, then the people's money is 
 taken by the friends of reform and economy, and squan- 
 deicd on a worthless tool of office, a profligate minion, 
 in reward for deceiving and inflaming the people of New- 
 Hampshire. We hope the accounts of the Department 
 •«f State for publishing the Laws, will be scrutinized, and 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 131 
 
 He lies through habit, strange to tell,4» 
 Even when the truth would do as well : 
 
 though the Federal inembers cannot hinder the work of 
 corruption, they may be able publicly to expose it. In- 
 stead of the press being free to combat error, as a great 
 raan chooses to say we make no doubt the Jacobin press 
 is supported by the people's Rioney, to deceive them. 
 It is a servile, base, wicked tool of a Jacobin faction. It 
 is a bell that never ceased ringing for fire, when there was 
 none; and now the Brissotiness and Robespierrists are ia 
 power, and have set the country and constitution in a 
 blaze, at the four corners, the bell is muffled. 
 
 ** No sooner did this man come into New-Hampshire, 
 than he began to know more than any body else about 
 the affairs of the state ; and very busily spread jealousies 
 and suspicions about the honesty and correctness of the 
 State Treasurer's accounts. In this he followed the ex- 
 ample of the Committee of Caluntnies in Congress, who 
 reported agaiust Wolcot, Pickering and Mc. 
 Henry, a number of charges, thnt even a Democratic 
 majority in congress did not dare to support. In like 
 mnnner there was a Democratic majority in the New- 
 Hampshire legislature ; but they, more candid than the 
 Nicholson and Randolphs, did examine the charges and 
 ibond them false. 
 
 *' The same Observatory man has stated in his paper, 
 that the votes for Governor Oilman were a minority. In 
 this he has been solidly confuted ; still, however, a lie 
 "Well stood lo, he thinks, as good as the trulli, and he standu 
 
132 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 JTis every paragraph's invented 
 To. make the people discontented, 
 
 to it. He stands to it, that Mr. Jefferson is chaste — 
 no poacher in Mr. Walker's family — is a brave man — 
 never hid from Tarltou — is a good christian — as good as 
 Condorcet or Pain — and breaks out into the most out- 
 rageous exclamations against the Federal slanderers, wlio 
 can dare to publish that such a Joseph for virtue, such a 
 Joseph Surface for talking about it — such a Solomon in 
 council — such a Sampson in combat — who so abhors to 
 shed blood, and so delights to shed ink — such an Old 
 Testament saint, as his Notes on Virginia attest, can be 
 nothing less than an American Bonaparte, a Dieu dou'- 
 tik — heaven sent to be our Consul for life, and our Em- 
 peror by inheritance — \^ith renjainder over to Mr. Eppes 
 and his issue. 
 
 "A good salary for printing the laws, requires, that 
 tough stories by Col. Walker, or Callender, or any body 
 else, should be resolutely brow beaten. A thousand dol- 
 lars a year will greatly assist a man to stand strong in his 
 faith. This reverend Vicar of Bray will not believe, nor 
 allow the people of New-Hampshire to believe a word 
 to the prejudice of his patron, as long as he holds his 
 cffice. 
 
 " The post riders make their contracts with the Post- 
 Master General, and it is easy to see that Jacobin zealots 
 wilt be preferred. See then how completely the press is 
 'made subject to the new administration ; how \\iq Obser- 
 ▼atory can be almost forced upon readei'van^ I'ow the 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 13i 
 
 To raise the restless mob, and shove 'cm. 
 To pull down all that seems above 'em. 
 
 Museum can be obstructed. The French is not more 
 subject to his Imperial Majesty, the Citizen Consul, than 
 Ihe Jacobin press to Mr. Jeiferson. 
 
 " We are told that for weeks before election in this 
 
 -^ state, the Federal papers did not circulate in some parts 
 
 of the district of Maine. Every one can conjecture why 
 
 it happened, though no one can precisely unravel the 
 
 tircumstances, and tell how. 
 
 " Is it the opinion of the Administi-ation, that the peo- 
 ple of New-Hampshire are more easily deluded than 
 those of Connecticut? This Observatory man was known 
 In Connecticut,^and there he had no influence. Was it 
 necessary to send him away from home, to enable him to 
 do mlsclnef; or is New-Hampshire thought to be stupid 
 enough to give success to a baffled and disgraced Con- 
 necticut. Jacobin ? For our parts, we believe better things 
 of the Citizens of New-Hampshire; and as the attempt 
 to influence them is barei"ace, and truely insulting to their 
 independence, they will, we trust, evince at the next e- 
 lection, that they are as Federal as Connecticut." 
 
 68 He lies through haliit strange to tell. 
 
 This stupid fib-teller hammered out half si doaen false, 
 hbods about a single toast, drank on the 4th of July, 1804. 
 What made the thing the more ridiculous, and would 
 
 M 
 
134 THE GIBBET OF SATIRK. 
 
 And he has been at work to plaster 
 His grand illuminated master/^ 
 But time would fail to set forth how well 
 He daubs it on, as with a trowel. 
 
 At length the rogue has drawn a prize, 
 An office^ earn'd by peddling lies, "^^^ 
 But this said office is at most. 
 An exile to a western post. 
 
 hare silenced him for ever, had he not been a Democrat, 
 and ergo, a friend to tlie people, was, the circumstance 
 of there being a number of respectable persons in the 
 neighbourhood, ivho were witnesses to his falsehoods oa 
 that occasion. 
 
 69 His grand illuminated master. 
 
 This man, with matchless effrontery, has repeatedly 
 affirmed in his lying vehicle, in substance, that a purer 
 and more spotless character than that of Mr. Jefferso* 
 »ever was enjoyed by any mere man ; aad even goes so 
 far in his blaspheriious impudence, as to compare this 
 man, with " twenty Gods, or no God,'^ with our Saviour !! 1 
 
 70 An Office, earn'd by peddUng lies. 
 
 Mr. G. is appointed Secretary to his Excellency Gen. 
 H«ll, who is also appointed Governor of MichigaH. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. ISS 
 
 We have the honor next to pin 
 On Satire's Gibbet, Gallatin, 
 (Our Gibbet not his only one. 
 If Justice always had been done.)'i 
 
 71 If Justice alwavs had been clone. 
 
 That Mr. Gallatin was active in tiie Pittsburgh insur- 
 rection, will not, we presume, be disputed by Democrats, 
 if we present them with vouchers, extracted from a News- 
 paper under the direction of their own party. 
 
 In Bachc's paper of Sept. 1, 1792, appeared the fol- 
 lowing account of the proceedings of the insurgents, at 
 the commencement of an insurrection, wliicii cost the 
 United States above a million of dollars : 
 
 At a meeting of sundry inhabitants of the Western 
 Counties of Pennsylvania, at Pittsburgh, on the 21st day 
 ©f August, 1792 : 
 
 Col. Jolrn Gannon was placed in the chair. 
 Albert Gallatin, appointed C/erAr. 
 
 The Excise Law of Congress being taken into consid- 
 eration, a committee was appointed to prepare a draught 
 of resolutions, expressing the sense of the meeting on the 
 subject of said law. 
 
 Adjourned to 10 o'clock to-morrow. 
 
 The committee appointed yesterday, made reyojt, 
 which being ftwce read, was unanimously adopted: 
 
 •' And wliereas ^ome men be found amongst us so far 
 
13ft THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 
 
 For that th* imported Financier, 
 Deserves such destiny, is clear ; 
 Nor shall the rogue, by any fetch. 
 Escape us, as he did Jack Ketch. 
 
 lost to every sense of virtue and feeling for the distresses 
 of this country as to accept offices for the collection of the 
 duty; 
 
 " Resolved therefore. That in future vre will consider 
 such persons as unworthy of our friendship: Havenoin" 
 ier course or dealings xviih them, withdraw from 
 
 THEM EVERY ASSISTANCE, and WITHHOLD ALL 
 
 THE COMFORTS OF Li^E, which depend upon tliosc 
 duties, that as men and fellow-citizens, we owe to eack 
 other, and upon all occasions treat them with that con- 
 tempt they deserve, and that it be, and it is humbly, and 
 most earnestly reconimended t» the people at large, to 
 follow the same kind of conduct towards them." 
 
 (Signed) Jokn Cannon, Chairman. 
 
 ALBERT GALLATIN, Clerk. 
 
 Mr. Gallatin, afterwards, perceiving the insurrec^ 
 tion would fail, sought and obtained pardon of General 
 Washington. But that he retained his political rancour, 
 is evident from the dismission of General Miller from the 
 «ffice of Supervisor, immediately after Mr. Gallatia*g 
 coming to the Tr^sury, whose offence consiited in his 
 Jbaving commanded a body of troops wlio were actite in 
 •jueUing Mr. GaUatia's insurrection. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 13/ 
 
 But no ! our moderate Feds say " tut ! 
 *^ The man deserves some notice — but 
 " The truthy though quoted from the Bible, 
 ^^ Against such great men, is a libeW^"^^ 
 
 You, Gentlemen, may think, perhaps, 
 That you are mighty prudent chaps. 
 But know, good Sirs, as these times are. 
 The heighth of prudence, is — to dare. 
 
 Go, timid Lilliputian souls, ■^' 
 
 Whom such a vile old saw controuls, 
 Go, hide your carcases in caves. 
 Or sit ye down, contented slaves. 
 
 73 " Against such great meii; is a likel." 
 
 We find many of our moderate Federalists some'#hat 
 squeamish in this particular. They urge, that the exposi- 
 tion of the crimes of great men chosen into office by tiie 
 people, is a disgrace to our national character. But thete 
 so very candid gentlemen should inform us, whether our 
 national character would not be more disgraced by suffer- 
 ing such characters and such conduct as enter into the 
 composition of our men and measures to pass without ani-: 
 madversion ? 
 
 M2 
 
138 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 But I'll make, with your worship's leave, » 
 Slap at this great man from Geneva, 
 Who wormed his way to elevation. 
 And holds the purse-strings of the nation I 
 
 'Tis true, this gaunt Genevan, whilome. 
 Found this our land, a rogue's " asylum,*^ 
 Since which, in public matters, his chief 
 Delight has been in making mischief. 
 
 Was soon an imp of insurrection, 
 A veiy Jack Cade to perfection. 
 And seized the horns of Mercy's altar. 
 To save his gullet from a halter ! 
 
 In faction's cause alert and brisk, he 
 Was once a champion in the whiskey 
 Rebellion.... therefore was amoi^g 
 The rogues whom Justice might have 
 hung. 
 
 And had her Ladyship foreseen 
 His future management, I ween. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 139 
 
 la her strong noose she*d made his neck 
 
 fast. 
 As cheerfully as eat'n her breakfast. 
 
 By Washington, this rebel, pardon 'd. 
 In wickedness grew still more hardened. 
 His industry and cunning bent 
 To overturn the government. 
 
 To Congress sent, in evil hour, 
 To head the party now in power j 
 When mischief was a-foot, 'twas certain 
 This arch rogue was behind the curtain. 
 
 And oft he would the Feds surprise. 
 By artful, well, digested lies, 
 Wire-drawn, thro' many along harangue, 
 W ith all the art of all the gang. 
 
 But, whereas, in these happy times, 
 A wretch is qualified by crimes 
 And scoundrel cunning for high station. 
 He holds the purse-strings of the 
 
 KATION ! ! ! 
 
140 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Well, if no sages of our own 
 
 Can give our Government a tone. 
 
 Let us submissively receive a 
 
 Set, fresli from Ireland, France, Geneva. 
 
 - Let us in Congress hear with patience. 
 The worthless scum of foreign nations. 
 Threaten in vile outlandish squeal. 
 To stop of Government *' de vtel /" 
 
 Though many a foolish Demo, fancies,. 
 This man's the soul of our finances ^ 
 That we have not a single native 
 Can rival this imported caitiff. 
 
 Pray, tell me, what the wight has done 
 ', But simply copy Hamilton ^ 
 Such plodding imitative work 
 Might be performed by any Clerk. 
 
 Thus a poor wretch, with scarcely brains 
 Enough to walk in when it rafins. 
 May whirl an organ handle round. 
 And make it all so sweetly sound. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 141 
 
 But should the lubber of a Vandal 
 Pretend he had the skill of Handel, 
 The very mob would find hhn out,. 
 And hoot him for a lying lout-'^ 
 
 But let us grant, in mere civility. 
 That Gallatin has vast abilit\' 
 And in finance, yields not a whit. 
 To Sully, Hamilton, or Pitt, 
 
 'Tis neither politic nor just, 
 A foreign runaway to trust, 
 A treacherous and intriguing pest 
 As keeper of the public chest. 
 
 Indeed I'll bet you ten to one, he, 
 
 (His fortune made with Yankies* money) 
 
 72 Arid hoot him for a lying lout. 
 
 The idea pourtrayed in this sin^ile we borrowed from 
 the " Balance," an excellent federal paper, printed at 
 Hudson, (see an editorial article of Jan. 1st, 1805 ) Mr. 
 Crosvvell will be good enough to help himself to an equiv- 
 alent from any of our best rhetorical flourishes, and accept 
 •four acknowledgments into the bargain. 
 
142 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 
 
 Without a drawback, will reship^ 
 And give his silly gulls the slip. 
 
 Then, should we sink in Anarch*s sea, 
 AVould this Genevan care ? Not he. 
 Provided he can save himself. 
 Together with his ill got pelf. 
 
 Step forward. Demagogue Duane, 
 Than whom, a viler rogue in grain 
 Ne'er, fortified by mob alliance. 
 Durst bid the powers which be, defiance J3 
 
 Law, Order, Talents, and Civility, 
 To thy right worshipful mobility [man. 
 Must bow, whilst thou, their knowing 
 Lead'st by the nose, thy kindred clan.''^ 
 
 73 Durst bid the powers wliicli be, defiance. 
 
 Tliis vile renegado, by virtue of his influence with the 
 mob, is one of the most powerful personages in the United 
 States. He is said to have remarked, that Mr, J——— a 
 dare as well be d— d as afTro-wt hijn. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 143 
 
 Thou art, indeed, a rogue as sly. 
 As ever coin'd the ready he,^^ 
 
 74 Lead'st by the nose, thy kindred clan* 
 
 The efforts of Duane, and of his designing and wrong* 
 headed scribblers who labour for the Aurora, are ever di- 
 rected to the purpose of destroying all kinds of distinc-* 
 tion in society, except merely such as a cunning man may 
 establish as leader of a mob. The learned professions ar« 
 the constant objects of his abuse, and that of the advo- 
 cates for levelling systems who dash in the Aurora. Should 
 his plans succeed, brutal strength, and savage cunnings 
 will be the only foundation for eminence. Indeed he has 
 laid the axe at the root of civilization, and unless graat 
 exertions are made to counteract the influence •f that vile 
 Yehicle of poison, which he publishes, its deleterious ef- 
 fects will, for ages, be felt in America. 
 
 75 As ever coin'd the ready lie. 
 
 The man who cannot otherwise be convinced of thf 
 turpitude of this and certain other artful Pseudo-Patriots, 
 is requested to peruse certain statements raade by a Mr. 
 John Wood, a foreigner, printed at New- York, 1802, re- 
 lative to a history which he had undertaken to write o^ 
 the *' Administration of John Adams." This history was 
 compiled, as the author states, Irom materials collected 
 
lU THE GIBBET OF SATIREo 
 
 And, on emergence, art not loth 
 Thy lies to sanction with an oath.'^^ 
 
 from the Aurora, Duane's private letters, and Callender's 
 works, and was suppressed by the influence of Col. Burr, 
 
 Mr. Wood's statement bears many marks of veracity 
 and candor, and if we may believe him, the Jacobins who 
 furnished hini with materials for his history, are the most 
 deceitful of mortals. 
 
 " Mr. Duane, (he says) sent me occasionally, informa- 
 tion as to characters and events, sometimes couched in the 
 form of history, leaving it to my discretion, whether te 
 alter the language or not. Notwithstanding the active 
 part v/hich Mr. Duane had in the compilation of this his- 
 tory, he is pleased to assert in the Aurora of the 12th of 
 July, (1802) that it contains neither veracity nor dignity. 
 Such an observation would certainly have proceeded with 
 more propriety from any critic than Mr. Duane, for the 
 facts furnished by him, are well known to be the most 
 false and libellous in the whole book." p. 7. 
 
 Again, " All the circumstances furnished by Mr. 
 Duane, in his letters to me, proved afterwards to be the 
 grossest falsehoods, most probably fabricated by himself.** 
 p. 26. 
 
 1f6 Thy lies to sanction with an oath. 
 
 JBy turning to the Freeman's Journal, of July, t805> 
 iiublished by Duane's former patrons and admirers, we. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. US 
 
 Few good or great men can be nam'd 
 Thy scoundrelship has not defamed. 
 And scarce a rogue, who ought to hang. 
 But may be numbered in thy gang. 
 
 With impudence the most consummate. 
 You publish all that you can come at. 
 To make, for discord's sake, a handle 
 Of private anecdote and scandal.?? 
 
 shall perceive, among other proofs of the want of princi- 
 ple of this flagitious wretch, that he made oath to a false- 
 hood about his having been a long time a citizen of the 
 United States. 
 
 77 Of private anecdote and scandal. 
 
 In the pamphlet of Wood, above quoted, we find the 
 following remark : « A man, (to wit, Duane) who has 
 partly the means of ransacking, in a clandestine manner> 
 the books of a public office, who did not hesitate to pub- 
 lish to the world the contents of letters, evidently intend- 
 ed for the post-office—who glories in being the discloser 
 of secrets and the unfolder of private caucusses, ought to 
 veil himself from society.'' p 82. 
 
 N 
 
146 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Your rogue-ship*s object seems to be 
 On " Liberty's tempestuous sea/* 
 To set our Commonwealth afloat, 
 Sans rudder, in an open boat. 
 
 'Twould ask some folios to unfold 
 The various lies which thou hast told. 
 Published with matchless impudence. 
 In face of thine own documents. 78 
 
 Here we have Jacobin against Jacobin, and it is to be 
 Loped that those who reject Federal testimony, will not 
 tefuse credence to their own party. 
 
 •78 In face of thine own documents. 
 
 This wretch continued to publish slanderous lies about 
 the alledged defalcations of Mr, Pickering, while Secre- 
 tary of the Treasury, long after a committee, composed 
 of Gallatin and others,had acquitted Mr.Pickering of any 
 malconduct in his office. After as minute an investiga- 
 tion as could be made by the eagle eye of party, these 
 democrats themselves testified to his innocence (see Vol* 
 I, Note 53, page 135) still this factious cur kept yelping 
 against Mr. Pickering with as much virulence as ever ! ! 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Uf 
 
 Among the Catalines of faction, 
 None call more energies in action, 
 And, if not clieck'd in thy career, 
 Thou*lt make a second Roberspierre."'^ 
 
 79 Thou'lt make a second Roberspierre. 
 
 In the Aurora, of March 2 1st, 1805, are the following 
 expressions, which shew what are the views of this would- 
 he tyrant : — 
 
 " They will petition loudly for a repreive— they 
 
 Mill stir up every interest in their power to procure their 
 pardon — they will writhe,and twist,andtum — they know 
 
 THEY ARE ON THE ROAD TO THE SCAFFOLD AND 
 
 MUST MEET THEIR FATE; bu\. that FATE they will 
 endeavour to procrastinate — Republicans, be not n^oveil 
 by their intreaties. 
 
 " Tiiey look'd at the tree, they travers'd the cart, 
 
 ** They handled the rope, but seem'd loth to depart." 
 
 These expressions; say the editors of the Freeman's Jour- 
 nal, are " diabolical." They most truly are so, but they 
 present nothing new to the Federalists. The Federalisfcs 
 knew from the beginning, where Duane and the faction 
 of which these gentry composed a part would lead us. 
 But Duane, M'Kean and Co. were theaall Democrats, all 
 Republicans* 
 
148 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 And thou, audacious renegadoe. 
 With many a libellous bravadoe, 
 Assairdst Columbia's Godlike son. 
 The great, th' immortal Washington !8» 
 
 so The Great, th' Immortal Washington ! 
 
 We shall trouble our readers with an extract from one 
 of these libels. Although it has frequently appeared in 
 fugitive publications, by way of testimony against the dar* 
 ing demagogue, by whom it was first penned, it ought to 
 be again and again presented to those who pretend that 
 Ihe supporters of the present administration were the 
 friends of Washington. 
 
 In the Aurora cf March 6th, 1797, this favorite of Mr. 
 Jefferson thus expresses himself: — 
 
 " Lord, now lettest thou ihy servant depart in peace^ 
 for mine eyes have seen thy salvation/' was tlie pious 
 ejaculation of a man, who beheld a flood of happiness 
 rushing in upon mankind — if ever there was a time, which 
 would licence the reiteration of the exclamation, that 
 time is now arrived ; for the man, who is the source of all 
 the misfortunes of our country, is this day reduced to a 
 level with his fellow-citizens, aud is no longer possessed of 
 power to multiply evils upon the United States. If ever 
 
}C 
 
 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. U^ 
 
 Through patriotism's specious mask, all 
 Your own gang could discern the rascal. 
 But tertium quids, quoth spitting Matt, 
 Esteemed you none the less for that. si 
 
 there was a period for rejoicing, this is the moment-*- 
 every heart in unison with the freedom and happiness of 
 the people, ought to beat with high exultation that the 
 ««we of Washington from tiiis day, ceases to give a 
 currency to political iniquity, and to legalize corruption-* 
 a new aera is now opening upon us, a new aera, which 
 promises much to the people ; for public measures musfc 
 HOW stand upon their own merits, and nefarious projects 
 can no longer be supported by a name. — When a retro- 
 spect is taken of the Washington administration for eight 
 years past, it is a subject of the greatest astonishment* 
 that a single individual should have cancelled the princi- 
 ples of Republicanism in an enlightened people, just 
 emerged from thegulf of despotism, and should have car- 
 ried his designs against the public liberty so far, as to have 
 put in jeopardy its very existence: — such, however, are 
 the facts, and with these staring us in the face, this day 
 V^ ought to be a Jubilee in the United States" 
 
 81 Esteem'd you none the less for that. 
 
 At least were willing to encourage him, and " give him. 
 money, all they could afford." See vol. ii. note 5€.. 
 page 108. 
 
 N2 
 
ISO THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Thus the Arch Fiend, the prince of liea. 
 Assumes, at will, an Angel's guise. 
 But with a Seraph's borrowed mien 
 The cloven-foot is always seen. 
 
 Though hunted through so many cHmes, 
 A very prodigy of crimes, 
 Yourfriends, the quids, still love you dearly. 
 And spittiiLg Matt is yours sincerely. ^3 
 
 Dost thou remember much about a 
 Droll scrape of thine once, at Calcutta, 
 What time, invited to a breakfast. 
 In noose thou nigh hadst got thy neck fast. 
 
 [88 
 S2 And spitting Matt is yours sincerely. 
 
 See the conclusion of Matt. Lyon's letter to Duane, hi« 
 *' old friend," &c. 
 
 83 In noose thou nigh had got thy neck fast. 
 
 Duane is said to have set up the trade of a Patriot at 
 Calcutta, and commenced his useful labours as Editor to 
 a Newspaper, by exerting himself t« foment a quarrel be- 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Ul 
 
 Sir John, however, on the whole. 
 Was wrong to set thee 07i a pole. 
 For such a patriot onght to ride 
 Suspended from the under side. 
 
 We next beg liberty to handle. 
 Another vile, imported Vandal, 
 A Hatter, who, by intuitioUy 
 Is a most ivondWous politician !84 
 
 tween the civil and military departments. Sir John 
 Shore,* the English commander, paid so little regard to 
 the rights of man, that he merely rewarded him with a 
 fend of wooden-horsical promotion, which is not thought 
 to confer very great honour on those who are the subjects 
 of that kind of elevation. He then sent him to England, 
 from whence he vidiS imported, to teach Americans liberty 
 and equality, under the auspices of Emperor Jefferson. 
 Duane says, that he was kidnapped by Sir John, having 
 been invited to breakfast. But the man is so given to ly- 
 ing, that we wish our readers to place no dependence on 
 that part of the story. 
 
 S4 Is a m ost tvond'roits politician ! 
 
 We mean no reflection upon mechanics. But a man 
 to be an editor of a news-paper, in a large city like New- 
 
 * This Gentleman, if I mistake not, is now Lord 
 Teignmguth, and author of ''Memoirs of the Life^ 
 Writivgs and Correspondence of Sir H^iliiam Joiiet." 
 
152 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 
 
 But highly merits being hung 
 For murdering — the EngHsh tongue,85 
 Though that's among the smallest sins 
 Committed by our Jacobias. 
 
 York, of a paper too, which boasts the patronage of gov* 
 ernment, ought, together with natural powers, to have 
 possesed the means of information, and to have superad- 
 ded culture to native luxuriance of genius. Even a " nee- 
 dy knife grinder," must serve some apprenticeship before 
 he can set up for himself. But in our land of Liberty 
 ignorance may be so qualified by impudence and scurrility 
 as to entitle its happy possessors to the patronage of our 
 irst characters \n the capacity of News-paper editors^ 
 and thus to occupy the most important and least respon- 
 nhle situations in our government* 
 
 85 For murdering — the English Tongue, 
 
 Had we nothing of more importance to command our 
 attention, we might point out hundreds of instances, in 
 vrhichthis Mr. '' Daggerman," has absolutely o^ta*- 
 sinated the English Language, Sometimes Mr. Jeffet^ 
 son's dress is " Terse," sometimes he is not " empopu- 
 lar," sometimes we are told "Mr. Denniston, another 
 gentleman and me called on him at his house." — ^^But 
 really we wish to get the creature oif our hands as 
 quick as possible, and shall not therefore enlarge upoa 
 these minor faults. 
 
i 
 
 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 153 
 
 To honesty he's no more claim 
 Than Satan to a Christian name ; 
 Is no more bound in honour s fetters. 
 Than it' he stole and opend lettersM 
 
 5ff Than if hesti)Ie and opsnM letters, 
 
 Somebody once stole two letters, w'littcn at the Gily of 
 Washington, one on the 6th and the other on the7lh of 
 -December, 1801, by Richard Teters, Jun. Esq. both scal- 
 ed and directed to E. Bronson, Esq. editor of the United 
 States Gazette. These letters were on political topics, 
 and were afterwards published in iiie Aurora. 
 
 Mr. Bronson states a number of circumstances which 
 seemed to implicate one James Chketh am, an English- 
 man, a hatter by trade, and editor of a paper called the 
 American Citizen . 
 
 I'he editor of the New-York Evening Post, after attend- 
 ing to the evidence which appeared against this man, 
 declares that ** he either stole the letters himself, or that 
 he received them from another, knowing them to be sto- 
 len. In the eye of the law both are equally guilty." He 
 afterwards invites this immaculate patriot to either sit 
 down ** infamous and contented," with the reputation of 
 being a Thief or to appeal to the laws of the land for 
 redress. Patriot Jim. was best pleased with the former 
 alternative. 
 
154 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 '>■>. 
 Sometimes quite demon-like he swaggers^ 
 
 And threatens sleeepmg men — with dag- 
 gers 1«7 
 The vevy next breath, to be sure, 
 No man has principles so pure. 
 
 And this is renegadoe Jim, 
 A patriot of the Godwin trim, 
 A useful tool in party strife, 
 A wicked, faction's butcher knife. 
 
 .^This man, tjie tale might well surprise one,, 
 
 jbeals but aefeily dose of poison, 
 
 d 
 
 87 And threaten j/ccpzVig- ?7/en— with daggers ! 
 
 This true imported, *' genuine republican," in an un- 
 guarded moment fairly ihrevv off the maak, and told the 
 world what kind of treatment his political opponents may 
 expect, if he and his gang should ever obtain their medi- 
 tated ascendency. He declared in the Citizen that th« 
 anti-revolutionists deserved to be assassinated " in the 
 unsuspecting moments of sleep." Can it be possible 
 that such a ruffian is sutfered not only to go at large, but 
 that he and other incfendiaries, of similar views, are pat- 
 ronized by some of our most prominent political charac- 
 ttrs. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 155 
 
 Most deJeterlous, and designed 
 To operate on the public mind. 
 
 The drivel of his dirty brains, 
 (And Demo's pay him for his pains) 
 Spins from his jobbernowl, and then 
 Displays it in the " Citizen." 
 
 For that is what he calls the paper, 
 / Where he and faction huff and vapour. 
 But 'tis a sink of defamation, 
 A slaughter-house of reputatioji. 
 
 If it should suit his matter's " gestion," 
 We'll put Sir Daggerman a question 
 Or two, that he may shew How fair 
 A character, some folks should bear. 
 
 Pray Jim. didst ever know a man 
 Who join'd a certain wicked clan. 
 That in their revels, every night. 
 Against the bible, aim'd their spite ? 
 
 And as that fellow, it appears. 
 Still keeps possession of his ears. 
 
156 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Pray Sir, did Justice merely loan 'em 
 Or does he absolutely own them f 
 
 And, prithee give me leave to ask it, 
 Was't in a dirty, old clothes* basket, 
 (Come ! come ! no quibbling, what a' ye 
 
 Traid of) 
 Like Sir John FalstafF, that he made off ? 
 
 Sorpe say 'twas in a hatter's chest. 
 But I'm assur'd thatj/ow knoxo hesty 
 If that's the case, man, no denial. 
 Let's have the i^hole truth on this trial. 
 
 Did my informant tell me fibs. 
 
 Of Constables, and broken ribs ? 
 
 A man knock'd down, who strove to quiet 
 
 A certain scoundrel in the riot. 
 
 Supposing half these things were true 
 Of some " imported rogue," like you. 
 Should not the vilest partizan 
 Be quite ashamed of such a man ? 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. iSY 
 
 And can it be, this side the Atlantic 
 A faction now exists, so frantic. 
 They hire a wretch to print their papers. 
 Who is notorious for such capers ? 
 
 Go, get your bread some honest way. 
 You can make decent hats, they say, 
 Go, and thank God you yet abide 
 Your former domicile*s outside,^^ 
 
 Pray, reader, how dost like this show. 
 Of three exotics in a row, 
 Duane,and Gallatin, andCheetham, 
 Dost think a score of fiends could beat 
 
 'em ? 
 
 O ! what a dirty, dirty faction ! 
 What dirty tools they keep in action ! 
 
 SS Your former domicile's outside. 
 
 Patriot Jim was furnished with lodgings at the expence 
 ©f the Government of Great Britain, as a token of rtrgard 
 for his prowess exhibited in the nocturnal adventure,\vhic(i 
 terminated in the demolition of the unfortunate Coaita- 
 ble's ribs. 
 
 o 
 
^8 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 
 
 Worse than the rogues they offer daily 
 At shrine of Justice at Old Baily ! 
 
 Let each Columbian hide his face. 
 And blush to own his native place. 
 If such a vile imported band 
 Must govern our degraded land. 
 
 But now the Muse of Satire bids 
 Us glance at certain Tertium Quids, 
 Who've run their skiff almost aground. 
 But lately tackM for coming round. 
 
 Pray, how goes on your caterwaulling 
 With certain gemman of your Galling,^^ 
 With whomy'embark*d, in wondrous glee. 
 On *' Liberty's tempestuous sea" ? 
 
 89 With certain gemman of your calling. 
 
 The Third Party gentry of Pennsylvania, a spawn froni 
 the same litter with the New- York Burriies, have made 
 violent news-paper attacks on must of their quondam 
 friends and associates, with whom they were formerly 
 ynited in sapping the foundations of the Federal Govern- 
 ment. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. tS^ 
 
 Indeed, good Messrs. Quids ^ I think. 
 Unless you ply your pumps, you'll sink. 
 And, though I*m very loth to say*t. 
 You almost merit such a fate. 
 
 But may you only almost drown. 
 
 Or, if you*YQ hung, be soon cut down. 
 
 And never feel afflictions' rod 
 
 With greater force than Doctor Dodd.^^ 
 
 'Twas you, who first afforded aid 
 To Duane in his lying trade. 
 But now he strives to take you all in. 
 You thwart him in his civil calling ! — 
 
 Had principle enough to hire. 
 Him, for an ex officio liar^ 
 
 90 With greater force than Doctor Dodd. 
 
 It has been said that tlus divine whose guilf, con- 
 trition and punishment have excited so much attention, 
 after having suffered the penalty inflicted in England 
 for the crime of forgery, was resuscitated^ and lived In pri- 
 vacy a number of years. 
 
160 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Knowing, for so old Matthew tells. 
 The man was good for nothing else. 
 
 Now, since you are the sine qua non 
 Of all the evils you complain on. 
 It would be Justice to a tittle. 
 To let such patriots swing — a little^ 
 
 But as you have some claims to merit, 
 Have fought the Demagogue with spirit. 
 For that, and sure no other reason, 
 I*d cut your honours down in season. 
 
 Adversity's the best of schools. 
 For teaching vain men. Wisdom's rules. 
 And when you've suffered most severelvi 
 You'll see your former folly clearly. 
 
 ThusNeb'chadnezzar was an ass 
 Until they turn'd him out to grass, 
 And Trumbull's Mack, in air suspended. 
 Found that his intellect was mended. ^^ 
 
THE piBBET OF SATIRE. ICT 
 
 Dear Democrats, now tell me, pray do. 
 How many a Tory renegadoe,^^ 
 YouVe raia'd, by crooked politics. 
 Above the Whiors of seventv-six« 
 
 O if 
 
 SI Found that his intellect was mended, 
 
 " As Socrates of old at first did 
 
 To aid Philosophy get hoisted. 
 
 And found his thoughts flow strangely clear. 
 
 Swung in a basket in mid ail ; 
 
 Our culprit thus in purer sky. 
 
 With like advantage rais'd his eye ; 
 
 And looking forth in prospect wide 
 
 His Tory errors clearly spied." 
 
 M 'Fin GAL, Canto iii; 
 
 92 How many a Tory renegadoe. 
 
 Among the numerous instances of the unblushing ef- 
 frontery of the dominant party, may be included their 
 charging the Federalists with having been enemies to 
 their country during the revolutionary war. This con- 
 duct evinces that hardihood in guilt, which distinguishes 
 the veteran offender from the mere Tyro in iniquity. It 
 is an attempt to fasten the dead weight of Jacobin enor- 
 mity about the neck of the Federalists, and to sink the 
 followers of Washington in the tempestuous sea of Jeffer- 
 sonian liberty. See vol. 1, note 147, page 165. 
 2 
 
162 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Yet, inconsistent, lying prigs. 
 You call yourselves exclusive Whigs, 
 And Qft, with other vicious stories. 
 Proclaim the Federalists old Tories) 
 
 First comes, the should-be hung, Tench 
 A Jeffersonian orthodox, [Coxe^ 
 
 Who gained immensity of glory 
 In the capacity of Tory. 
 
 Although, my fine sir, it was thy lot 
 To be the British army's pilot. 
 And lead Howe's myrmidons of thunder. 
 Your Countrymen to rob and plunder ; 
 
 Since Jefferson began his reign. 
 The Democratic smoothing-plane. 
 In spite of all your Tory tricks, sir. 
 Has chang'd you to a seventy-sixer.^^ 
 
 93 Has chang'd you to a seventy-sixer. 
 
 Seventy-sixer, a cant word adopted by some of our 
 mushroom patriots, to designate the men wlio fii"st assert- 
 ed American Independence in the year 1776. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 165 
 
 Although for treason erst attainted,9i 
 Thou'rt now politically sainted -, 
 Become a very proper man. 
 For Emperor Jeff' a partizan. 
 
 Good Democrats reward you now 
 For services you rendered Howe, 
 And feast you with the daintiest dishes 
 Of Governmental loaves and fishes. 
 
 Three thousand dollars, every year ; 
 Three thousand precious dollars clear ! 
 The rogues from labour's hard hand 
 
 wrench. 
 To fill the purse of Tory Tench I 
 
 Next on our list is tory Danie!,95 
 
 And though I would not treat the man ill, 
 
 04 Although for treason erst attainted. 
 
 Tliis tory of the first water, who is moreover a most 
 charming Democrat, was attainted of treason, by th« 
 Legislature of Pennsylvania. 
 
164 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 In name of Justice, common sense. 
 To office, what is his pretence ? 
 
 How dare the fellow have the face 
 Toe rowd himself in Watson's place. 
 To batten thus on merit's spoils,^ 
 And reap the fruit of glory's toils ? 
 
 O ! he's a thrifty sort of save-ally 
 Has woad'rous skill in matters naval. 
 Writes letters too, which would not sulLy 
 The reputation of old Tully.se 
 
 95 Next on our list is Tory Daniel. 
 
 This man was appointed Navy Agent in the place of 
 Mr James Watson. The latter was an officer in the Con- 
 necticut line, in the revolutionary war. 
 
 96 The reputation of old TuUy. 
 
 We shall trouble our readers with but a brief specimen 
 of this gentleman's elegant epistolary stile. 
 
 In an official letter to " Gen, Samuel Smith, Esq." dated 
 New-York, May 13, ISai, occurs th« following highly 
 polished paragraph. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 155 
 
 And there's a Mister Consul Ervino- 97 
 Who is so wondrous well deserving, 
 That sure his present elevation 
 Reflects high honour on the nation. 
 
 He kindled to our great man's glory. 
 That brilh'ant blaze of oratory. 
 Which gave him nineteen times the odds 
 Of Homer's stoutest heathen Gods.^s 
 
 ** I had the honour of writing to you yesterday, to 
 which beg your reference. The hasty result of my ob- 
 servations respecting a navy yard are as follows. The 
 situation combined has, undoubtedly, advantages for tha 
 purposes intended— one disadvantage most striking to me 
 is the exposure to an enemy landing in the rear, the dan- 
 gers of which 25 not so great on reflection, and more in 
 sound than in reality." 
 
 Tiie " result are'' that, in the appointment of sucli an 
 ignoramus, in the " situation combined'' there is ''one 
 disadvantage" which although " most striking" *' the 
 dangers is very great on reflection" 1 1 
 
 *)7 And there's a Mister Consul Erving. 
 
 This Gentleman has tasted of i\Ir. Jefferson's bounty 
 in an aj)pointment to a Consulship in London. 
 
166 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 And dealt in thunder and in lightening, 
 And cut a dash so very fright'ning, 
 And did the horrible such credit. 
 That our teeth chattered when we read it I 
 
 He is, indeed, a pretty chip 
 From Tory block, a kindred slip 
 A cion from a certain famous 
 Old Tory Counsellor Mandamus.?' 
 
 A Mister Mansfield takes the place 
 Of General Putnam, in disgrace, 
 A warrior whig, O what a scandal 1 
 Supplanted by a tory Vandal, loo 
 
 58 Of llomei's stoutest Heathen Gods. 
 
 We have before hadtlie honour to allude to a subii«ie 
 specimen of tliis young man's eloquence in vo', 2; note 
 I, p. 3, 
 
 139 Old Tory Counsellov Mandamus. 
 
 The fafiier of this sprig of Deniocracy was one of Go. 
 vernor liulciiiiisoii's Mandamus Counsellors, 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 167 
 
 And one old Edgar stands confest^oi 
 A Democrat among the best ; 
 What fits him nicely for such rank, he'a 
 Accessory to scalping Yankies. 
 
 100 Supplanted by a Tory VandaJ. 
 
 The cloven-foot of the vile faction was never more 
 completely displayed than in this infamous transaction. 
 
 Gen. Rufus Putnam served under Washington during 
 the revolutionary war. He had grown poor in his coun- 
 try's service, and was obliged, in the decline of life, to 
 migrate into the wilds bordering on the Ohio, and en- 
 deavour to provide for a rising family, by submitting ta 
 the hardships of a first settler in a dreary wilderness. 
 
 Gen. Washington, in order to smooth the path of his 
 life's declivity, appointed him Surveyor General, with a 
 handsome salary. 
 
 He was, however, marked as a victim to the relentless 
 tyrants now in power, and the war-worn veteran was dis- 
 placed to make room for Jared Mansfield, a zvorth'ess old 
 Tori/,hu^ Sigood Democrat. Yes, this same Mansfield was 
 not only a notorious British partizan, but was active in the 
 destruction of some books, in New-Haven College Libra- 
 ry, which were supposed to be favourable to liberty. 
 
 Thus does Mr. Jefferson fulfil his promise of ** injuring 
 the best men least," and placing the hand of power on 
 '* anti-revolutionary adherence to our enemies." 
 
168 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 This fine old fellow found the Savages 
 With implements for making ravages. 
 Guns, Tomahawks, and Scalping Knives, 
 For us, our Children, and our Wives. 
 
 Not only these, but well I wist, 
 Thousands might help to ^well the list 
 Of vile old tories, fierce and flaming, 
 Now democratic honors claiming. 
 
 I might •include with other lumber. 
 Judge Stevens, Wilson, and a number 
 Of such as Harrison and Warner, ^^- 
 For faith they svvarm in every corner. 
 
 101 And one old Edgar stands confest. 
 
 This gentleman, tory, democrat,and tomahawk vender, 
 has been repeatedly honored with the confidence. of the 
 Kcw-York genuine republicans, &c. He has been chosen 
 to represent that party in the legislature; is one of the di- 
 rectors of the Manhattan Bank and is in high repute, no 
 doubt, for revohitionary services. 
 
 102 Of such as Harrison and Warner. 
 
 William Stevens of G-orgia, was appointed Judge of 
 the District Court by Mr. JefiTerson. The amount of his 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 169 
 
 Alight swell our catalogue with various 
 Like idiotic Arcularius, 
 But cannot stoop in our progression. 
 To pick up every dirty Hessian, 103 
 
 But though democracy now glories 
 In such a wondrous gang of tories, 
 
 claims for that station consist, we believe, in liis be- 
 ing a good democrat ; in his having been Chief Jus- 
 tice of the State of Georgia, and Lieutenant-Colonel 
 of the Chatham county militia, in our revolutionary 
 ■war, and while holding those offices of trust and con- 
 fidence, deserting from the American service ; receiving 
 a British commission ; being attainted for treason by the 
 Legislature of the State of Georgia. Such are the men 
 whom our pretended Republicans '* delight to honour." 
 Wilson is a tory Democrat, of Worcester, Massachusetts, 
 advanced to office by the present administration. Har- 
 rison is in office by virtue of an appointment by the 
 New- York tory hating democratic corporation, as a re- 
 ward for his services as a midshipman on board one of 
 his Britannic Majesty's ships, during the revolutionarv 
 war. This gentleman supplanted Mr. Jeremy Marshal, 
 dismissed from office, for having been, as Governor Clin- 
 ton (then General Clinton) affirmed of him, one of the 
 most useful men in the American army. These are only 
 afcwof the many instances, which might be adduced to 
 
170 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 With many fools, its knaves contrive. 
 To pass for wbigs of seventy-five. 
 
 prove that our good Democrats have been, and still are, 
 hostile to those who were found faithful in times whick 
 " tried men's souls."* 
 
 103 To pickup every dirty Hessian. 
 
 Philip Arcularius was appointed, by the New-York 
 Corporation, Superiutendant of the Aims-House. He 
 is a Hessian by birth, and, during the revolutionary war, 
 kept a sutler's shop for the supply of his countrymen in 
 the British army. We cannot, in this place, give a de- 
 tail of the particular services which recommended this 
 man to our Democrats. To complete the story, it is to 
 be added, that he supplanted Mr. Richard Furman, an 
 American, who had served his country, both by sea and 
 land, during the whole war, and was several limes wound- 
 ed. This gentleman had been frequently employed by 
 his fellow citizens in offices of trust and confidence, and 
 had ever approved himself a faithful public servant and 
 •^•orthy man. He had been extremely useful in the office 
 
 — ■ '—4 
 
 * For a more particular account of the proceediiigs 
 g/ tfie New-York corporation, the reader will please to 
 consult th'i Neto-York Evening Post of June ^oth, in which 
 the able and indefatigable editor iias exhibited in its Just 
 light, the management of this i m maculate 7 wi/o <?/ genu- 
 ine Jejersonians and redoubtable seventy-sixers. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 171 
 
 They pile their own abominations. 
 Enough to damn a dozen nations. 
 All on the simple harmless heads 
 Of passive inoffensive Feds, 
 
 Deprive them first of bread to eat. 
 And then their conquest to com}>lete ; 
 They hire the scum of foreign nations. 
 To blast their victims* reputations. 
 
 Tho* Burnet ** fought in freedom's cause/' 
 
 He*s doom'd to Chectham's Harpy 
 claws,^04 
 
 of Superintendant of the Alms-House ; but, as he was 
 noUhcr a Tory nor a Democrat, he was obliged to give 
 place to the fellow who has the honor of a peg on our 
 
 Gibbet. 
 
 l04 He's doom'd to Cheetham's Harpy claws. 
 
 Captain Burnet, another of our revolutionary ofiftcefs, 
 and one of the oldest post- masters in the United Slates, 
 has been turned out of employment by Mr. Jefferson.— 
 Here again we perceive the sincerity of Mr. Jefferson's 
 declaration, that removals from office should be thrown 
 as much as possible on ** anti-revolutionary adherence t© 
 cur enemies." 
 
i72 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 And Spencer, having put down Foot, 
 Murders his character to boot.^^^ 
 
 'Tis thus some canibals, 'tis said. 
 Still spite their enemies, though dead ; 
 And worse, if possible than Cheetham, 
 Can't be contented till they eat thetn I 
 
 As soon as he was displaced, patriot Cheetham began 
 to open upon him for misconduct in having been in the 
 habit of "stopping and destroying Republican paper?." 
 Indeed, in every instance -where the mushroom tyrant 
 Granger, has exerted his ^' brief authority," by a remo- 
 val from office, we have seen the paltry prints of his 
 party replete with lying statements, designed to destroy 
 the character of those they had oifered at the shrine of 
 the Democratic Moloch. 
 
 105 Murders his character to boot. 
 
 Mr. Foote was another revolutionary patriot who has 
 been displaced by the intolerant demagogues who are 
 now dominant. Foote had the misfortune to tliink with 
 Washington on political subjects, and was, of conse- 
 quence, deprived of office, and his reputation after- 
 wards attacked, by way of palliating such an iniquitous 
 proceeding. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 17J 
 
 Here reader, is a pretty sample 
 Of rogues for " negative example J^^^^ 
 Cuird from among some score of dozens 
 You'd think th* arch Democrats fir&t 
 cousins. 
 
 To this vile crew there might be added 
 Full many a hollow heart and bad head, 
 And some for infamy as famous. 
 As any history can name us. 
 
 Among the rest, fanatic preachers. 
 
 Your self-inspir'd, and self-taught teachers, 
 
 106 Of rogues, for ** negative example,^ 
 
 ** We do not give you to posterity, as a pattern to 
 i mitate, but as an example to deter — We mean to make 
 you a negative Instruction to your successors for ever." 
 Junius to the Duke of Grafton. 
 
 107 Among the rest, fanatic preachers. 
 
 We always ix)sse5sed a violent antipathy to your bawl- 
 ing, itinerant, field and barn preachers; and having pro- 
 mised them a dose, (P. 20. N. 24) we now proceed to 
 
 P2 
 
iH THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 Whose piety, so dark and mystical. 
 
 Is Godvvard zealous, manward — tzoistical. 
 
 [108 
 
 administer a little of the nitrous acid of Satire, which we 
 hope may etfect a radical cure of their disorder. Our 
 medicine is as follows : 
 
 FANATICISM. 
 
 I HATE your hypocrltic race. 
 Who prate about pretended grace ; 
 
 With tabernacle phizzes ; 
 Who think Omnipotence to charm. 
 By faces longer than my arm ! 
 
 O what a set of quizzes ! 
 
 I hate your wretches, wild and sad. 
 Like gloomy wights in Bedlam mad. 
 
 Or vile Old Baily culprits ; 
 Who with a sacrilegious zeal. 
 Death and damnation dare to deal, 
 
 From barn-erected pulpits. 
 
 I hate that hangman's aspect bluff. 
 In him, whose disposition rough. 
 
 The porcupine surpasses ; 
 Who thinks that heaven is in his power, 
 Because his sullen looks might sour 
 
 A barrel of molasses. 
 
 I 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 175 
 
 Creatures, who creep into your houses 
 Just to regenerate your spouses, i®^ 
 
 A stupid wretch, who cannot read, 
 (A very Jikely thing indeed) 
 
 Receives from Heaven a calling ; 
 He leaves his plough, he drops his hoe. 
 Gets on his meeting clothes, and lo. 
 
 Sets up the trade of bawling. 
 
 With lenglhen'd visage, woe bedight. 
 An outward%\^n of inward light. 
 
 He howls in dismal tone;-— 
 ** I say, as how, you must be d — d. 
 For Satan an't so easy shamm'd. 
 
 And you're the devil's own 1" 
 
 Fools, and old women, blubbering round. 
 With sobs, and sighs, and grief profound. 
 
 His every tone respond, Sir, 
 O could I catch the whining cur. 
 The deuce a bit would I demur. 
 
 To duck him in a pond, Sir, 
 
 If any of the canting race. 
 
 Are sent to visit any place, 
 
 A dieu to all decorum ; 
 
176 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 With whom the spirit's operation. 
 Tends to a carnal termination. 
 
 To every virtue, now adieu ; 
 Morality, religion true, 
 Are blasted all before 'em. 
 
 A good old woman has the spleen. 
 And sees what is not to be seen. 
 
 Or dreams of things uitcommon ; 
 Yea, ten times more than tongue can tell. 
 Strange things in heaven, and eke in h — H, 
 
 O, what a nice old woman ! 
 
 Straight by the sect 'tis blazM about. 
 That she's inspir'd beyond a doubt. 
 
 And has her sins forgiven ; 
 How tan the wretches hope for bliss. 
 Who palm such foolish stuff as this. 
 
 Upon the God of Heaven ! 
 
 Such doers of the devil's works. 
 Are sure than renegado Turks, 
 
 Worse foes to real piety ; 
 And though we would not persecute, 
 By dint of ridicule, we'll hoot. 
 
 The wretches from society. 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 177 
 
 Your New- York Democratic chickens. 
 Might make us most delightful pickings, 
 A very pretty little brood I 
 For Satire's muse most charming food ! 
 
 We may, perhaps, hereafter hint on 
 
 The management of D. W. C n 
 
 And, though the populace may stare. 
 May gibbet an intriguing Mayor. 
 
 If he and party must have pimps 
 
 From Palmer's and from Tom Pain's imps, 
 
 108 Is Godward, zealoua, manward, — twuticaL 
 
 Twistical is a Yankeyism, which we liave introduced, 
 by virtue of our authority as a poet (Poetica Liccntia.) 
 ']"he idea is borrowed from an anecdote related of a coun- 
 tryman, who made use of similar terms, in giving a 
 character to a fanatic of his acquaintance. 
 
 109 Just to rcf^enerate your spouses. 
 
 We have particular reference to certain notable Demo- 
 crats of our acquaintance, who make extraordinary piety 
 a pretence for '* leading captive silly women." 
 
178 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 'Twill prove they're base birds of a feather, 
 Whose necks should ail be stretched to- 
 gether. 
 
 Wemio'ht allude to money made 
 By virtue of a Governor's trade. 
 Might tell the world what kind of barter 
 Sometimes obtaln*d a grant or charter. 
 
 Might cut down bankers, rank and f]Ie,and 
 Hang rogues by hundreds in Rhode-Island, 
 Your patriotic Guinea-men— or^'o 
 Folks always drunk like G — r F — r.^^^ 
 
 1 10 Your patriotic Guinea men — or 
 
 Some of the most fiery Rhode-Island republicans 
 out of their superabuijdaiit regard to the '* rights of 
 Mail" are concerned in the slave trade. One Collins 
 a violent Jacobin, and of consecjuence appointed a Col- 
 lector for Newport, is a patriot of that description. 
 
 1 k 1 Folks ahvay s drunk like G r F r. 
 
 We are told that a gentleman who complained of the 
 impropriety of which a friend had been guilty, by in 
 
THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 179 
 
 But worlds of folios were too few 
 1 o set forth half the crazy crew. 
 Of sharping knaves, and simple flats. 
 Who constitute good Democrats. 
 
 Besides, for credit of our nation. 
 We cease a while our " oppugnatioUy^ 
 With these few gibbeted, 'tis best, 
 Perhaps to respite all the rest. 
 
 Some Democrats we meant to tickle, 
 (And still preserve a rod in pickle,) 
 May yet escape, upon condition 
 Of quick repentance, and contrition. 
 
 But those most hardened we'll exhibit. 
 On this, or something like this, gibbet ^^ i* 
 Hope yet to hang them every one, 
 A thing which ought, and shall be done. 
 
 troducing him to his E y while he was in a state of 
 
 intoxication, was silenced by a reply, that it could not be 
 o herwise, for his E— — — y, when ^wake, was nevGr 
 tobcr. 
 
180 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 
 
 1 12 On this, or something like this, gibbet. 
 
 We propose, " till time shall wear us out of action" to 
 continue our strictures on certain flagitious demagogues, 
 who have hitherto escaped our notice. We shall, 
 however, probably publisji them in such form that 
 they may serve as a continuation to this work without 
 their being blended with what we now place before the 
 public. 
 
CANTO VI 
 
 MONITION. 
 
 ARGUMENT, 
 
 WE now, with due submission, tenture. 
 To make ourself the People's Mentor, 
 And boldly take the lead of those, 
 JVhofain would lead them by the nose ; 
 And, if their grand Omnipotences, 
 Have not entirely lost their senses. 
 By us forewarned, they'll shun the slavery, 
 IVhich waits on Democratic knavery. 
 
 AlTHO' not biess'd with second sight. 
 
 Divine inflation, or new light. 
 
 Have ne'er, in supernatural trance. 
 
 Seen through a mill-stone at a glance ; 
 Q 
 
182 MONIIION. 
 
 Ne'er danced with sprites at midnight revel. 
 Had never dealings with the devil, 
 Nor carried matters to such pitches, 
 As did the vi'icked Salem witches ; — 
 
 Hav*nt made w^ith t'other world so free, as 
 To go to H — 11, like one yCneas,ii3 
 By virtue of divine commission. 
 For prospects bright in fields E!3^ssian , — 
 
 Cannot divine like Richard Brothers, 
 Aliss Polly Davis, and some others,ii4. 
 Who, in the world of spirits, spied 
 A gross of wonders — or they lied ; — 
 
 1 13 To go (o H — II, like one ^Eneas. 
 
 For a particular account of this journey, See Book VL 
 of the .Eneid. 
 
 114 Miss Polly Davis, and some othcfs. 
 
 Richard Brothers and Polly Davis, \\^\\ known person- 
 ages, whose missions and voyages, to the world of spirits, 
 have caused much speculation among some very knowing 
 •cclesiastics, whom one would suppose were rather of the 
 lyin^t than the standing order. 
 
 % 
 
MONITION. 188" 
 
 Can't prophesy, as well as gingle, 
 Like 'Squire Coliinabus, or iMcFingal,^^^ 
 And don't see quite so many glories. 
 As could be widb'd, now flash before us ; 
 
 Though nothing more than mortal elf. 
 Good reader, \'cry like yourself. 
 And therefore shan't, by any trope. 
 Presume to make ourself a Pope j 
 
 Yet ne'er was conjuror acuteK, 
 
 In prying into matters future ; — 
 
 No old Silenus, though in liquor, [er. 
 
 Could tell you what would happen quick- 
 
 We'll therefore venture to assume, a 
 Tone of authority, likeNumas^^^ 
 
 1 15 Like 'Squire Colunibu>, Or McFingal. 
 
 See Barlo.v's " Vision of Columbus," and "TrumbuU's 
 McFingal," in which Uie heroes of the poems respectively, 
 after the manner of the ancients, take a peep into fu' 
 
 turity 
 
184 MONITION. 
 
 And give such wondrous counsel, no man 
 Shall say, we fall beneath the Roman. 
 
 Good folks, of each degree and station, 
 AVhich goes to constitute our nation. 
 In social fabric who take place. 
 Or at the pinnacle or base. 
 
 With diligence, I pray, attend 
 To counsels of a i^eal friend. 
 Who tells the truth, when he assures 
 You, that his interest is yours s^^'' 
 
 115 Tone of nut!:oritv, Ukc Nunia. 
 
 Nur.ia i'oijipilius wasaKin.a; of \.\\q. Ivnvirn';, who pre- 
 tended to intimacy witii a female spirit, whom he named 
 Egeria, and whose monitions were piobabl} as pioplielic 
 as those ol* our invisible lady, 
 
 J 17 You, that his interest is yours. 
 
 We have before observed, Vol. I. p, 10, that we iiave 
 no private nor party views to subserve in this poem. We 
 have no interest distinct from the good of our ccuntry^and 
 no patron but the public. 
 
MONITION. 185 
 
 Who hopes, that when you*re plainly 
 
 show'd 
 Your Democratic, downhill road. 
 Is dire destruction's dismal route. 
 You'll condescend to turn about. 
 
 Why should you hardily advance. 
 The highway, lately trod by France ; 
 Nor take example, ere too late. 
 To shun the same disastrous fate. 
 
 (O, could I hope my rush-light taper 
 Might penetrate the Stygian vapour. 
 That you might see, and seeing miss. 
 The Democratic precipice.) 
 
 But now, methinksj you cry as one. 
 What shall be done ! What shall be done I 
 What method hit on for defending. 
 Against such destiny impending ? 
 
 Imprimis, cry down every rogue 
 Democracy has now in vogue. 
 
186 MONITION. 
 
 Who thinks, by dint of wicked lies. 
 To cast a mist before your eyes. 
 
 Give power to none but honest men. 
 Long tried, and faithful found, and then 
 You will not flounder in the dark. 
 Still wide from real freedom's mark, 
 
 Distrust those wretches, every one, 
 Curses denounc'd by Vv'ashington ; 
 Who have of late been busy, brewing 
 Their c:r7/, and other people's ruin.^** 
 
 O had we built on that foundation. 
 Laid by our late Administration,! iJ^ 
 
 1 18 Their ou'rt, and other people's ruin. 
 
 Our lending Dcmngogues, are quite as likely to be of- 
 fered as victims at the shrine of Democracy as the Fede- 
 ralists. Governor McKean, uho was active in bringing 
 about a Democratic order of things in Pennsylvania, 
 staiidson very slippery ground, and is in danger of being 
 denounced by the Aurora-raan, who is the Vvat Tyler of 
 the Feiiusylvania Democrats. 
 
MONITION. ia7 
 
 The fabric of our Nation's Glory 
 Had never been surpassed in story. 
 
 But ever sedulous in brewing 
 Their own, and other people's ruin, 
 
 119 Laid by our late Administration. 
 
 To enumerate the most prominent measures of tlie 
 Federal Administration, and the beneills wiiich have re- 
 lulteil to the nation from the Federal system, would re- 
 t|uire volumes. We sliall sliglitly advert to a few particu- 
 lars, by way of elucidating this fact. 
 
 The Federalists found the country without permanent 
 revenue, and without money in the Treasury sufficient ta 
 defray the necessary expences of Government ; upwards 
 of seventy-six millions in debt ; the securities of Govern- 
 ment selling at two shillings on the pound; the nation 
 distracted at home and deBpised abroad — 
 
 Like *' some wreck'd vessel, all in shatters," 
 Scarce " held up by surrounding waters."* 
 
 Such was the state of things when they commencetj 
 theii operations. 
 
 They liquidated the public funds for the extinction, of 
 the national debt; punctually paid the interest and part of 
 the principal. 
 
 They fortified our harbours. 
 
 I . ■ m ' -TW-wi 1 111"! 
 
 * McFingal, 
 
188 MONITION. 
 
 Our Democrats ha^^e been at work 
 To lay all level, with a jerk. 
 
 Not Satan, breaking into Eden, 
 Could show more malice in proceeding. 
 Or tell more false, malicious stories. 
 Than these saidJacobin-French Tories. ^20 
 
 They sought for and obtained indemnity for British and 
 French spoliations. 
 
 They suppressed insurrections. 
 
 They built and purchased a Navy of thirty-six armed- 
 ships. 
 
 They secured peace abroad. 
 
 They established a Government at home. 
 
 They exalted our national character : under their au- 
 spices Agriculture flourished, Commerce was protected, a 
 R-venue created without burthening the people, and Two 
 Millions and an Half Dollars left in the Public Treasury. 
 
 120 Than these said Jacobin-French Tories. 
 
 If any of our readers are not yet fully acquainted with 
 the despicable means by whkh our Jsobins attained the 
 great end of destroying the Federal Administration, they 
 are referred to Mr. Bayard's speech on the Judiciary Bill, 
 spoken February 19, 1802. We should be happy to in- 
 
MONITION. 189 
 
 Sometimes the rogues w^re picking flaws 
 Vv'ith Alien and Sedition Laws, 121 
 
 sert that part of it which relates to a vindication of the 
 measures of the Federal Administration, did not its length 
 exceed our limits. One sentence, however, relative to the 
 clamour, which the Antifederalists have raised against 
 direct taxation, the abolition of which, according to Mr. 
 Jefferson's late speech, (March, 1803) is one of the mea- 
 sures so highly commendable in the gentlemen now at 
 the head of our affairs, we cannot forbear to quote. 
 
 ** Will gentlemen say that the direct tax was laid in 
 order to enlarge thfe bounds of patronage ? If^ill they deny 
 that this ivas a measure to zvhich we had been urged for 
 years, by our adversaries, because they saw in it the ruin 
 of the Federal power?" 
 
 This is the way they have managed — cunningly cla- 
 moured the Federal Administration iuto measures, whicii 
 they fore-jaw njight be rendered obnoxious to the people, 
 and then took advantage of the odium which such mea- 
 sures had excited! bee Vol. I. P. 171-2. M. 170. 
 
 121 With Alien and Sedition Laws. 
 
 These laws were among the measures of the late Admi- 
 nistration, which were obnoxious to the tyrants in power, 
 merely because they were favourable to the rights of the 
 citizen. The Alien law provided for the deportation* 
 
190 MONITION. 
 
 The Constitution next attacking. 
 
 They sent the Federal Judges packing. 122 
 
 With empt}' boasts of their surprising 
 Attention to economizing, 
 Thousands were thrown away, to sh':w 
 How they could decorate the Berceau.123 
 
 under certain circumstances, of turbulent and seditious 
 foreigners; thu latter gave our citizens a right to publisli 
 the tjtith concerning the measures of government. See 
 Vol. I. N. 12. P. 8. , 
 
 122 They sent the Federal Judges packing. 
 
 No man whose head Is not very weak, or hh heart very 
 wi.-krd^ can rontemplati^ without emotions loo vlvicl to 
 be expressed, the conduct of the Faction in their destruc- 
 tion of the Judiciary. The sound arguments on tlie one 
 sidcj and the llims:y sophi>ms on tlie other side of thai 
 great national question, when contrt-isted, must convince 
 every person, tlial those men who laid their sacrileguius 
 J)ands on ih.e ark of our safety, were predttermined not 
 to be convinced, but to slick to tiieir party, right or 
 vixjng. See Vol. I. P. J 63. N, ICD. 
 
 123 Plow they could decorate the Eerceau. 
 
 More than tliirty-two thousand dollars were expended 
 in repairing the French Corvette Berccau. The Ganges, 
 
MONITION. 191 
 
 And public money was such trash, 
 Two million dollars, at a dash, 
 Without descending to excuses. 
 Their honours vote for private usesJ3<. 
 
 The Feds chac'd down, the snarling dves. 
 At loggerheads among themselves, ^-^^ 
 
 an American ship of war of 26 guns, and all her stores, 
 were sold by administration for only 21,000 dollars, and 
 most of the other ships of the Federal navy, we believe, 
 in the same proportion. 
 
 124 Their honours vote for private uses. 
 
 See a resolve of Congress of November, 1803, that a 
 sum of two millions of dollars in addition to the provi- 
 sion heretofore made, should be granted to the purposes 
 «f intercourse between us and foreign nations. 
 
 125 At loggerheads among themselves. 
 
 Every body knows that Master Johnny Randolph has 
 ©f late been attempting to put ojf the monkey, m-\d put on 
 ihe tigci^, and to bully ihe nonconformists of his party into 
 genuine Republicanism. But his essays in the terrible, 
 hare terminated in the ludicrous, for even Miss Nancy 
 
192 MONITION. 
 
 E*eQ cut and thrust, like gladiators. 
 For our amusement as spectators. 
 
 Resolv'd to prove the nation's curses. 
 They go from bad to what still worse is. 
 As females frail, by regular steps. 
 Are prostitutes from demireps. 
 
 Each wicked measure merely leading, 
 To more flagitious step succeeding. 
 Of late, their frantic innovations. 
 Have shook society's foundations. 
 
 Hot-headed Randolph's resolution 
 For cutting up the Constitution, 
 And that of Nicholson disclose. 
 The rancour of its deadly foes.i26 
 
 Dawson declares that she will not be frightened out of her 
 independence, by this whipper-in of the puppies of the 
 party. 
 
 126 The rancour of its deadly foes. 
 
 it is well known that the Democratic party were for- 
 merly most violent opponents of the Federal Constitution. 
 
 
MONITION. 193 
 
 That " plague to G — d and man/' Tom. 
 
 Paine, 
 Is at his dirty work again,i27 
 The Devil's special legate sent. 
 And patronizVl by Government ! 
 
 Mr. Jefferson declared that lie " disliked, and greatly 
 disliked" many parts of it. We could, therefore, expec* 
 nothing better from the enemies of the Constitution, than 
 that they would endeavour to destroy it. Someof tiie oat- 
 works are already demolished, and the citadel is to be at- 
 tacked the next session, (Nov. 1S05.) It is to be hoped 
 that those Democrats, who are not rendered quite frantic 
 by the spirit of party, will be taught, from the endeavours 
 of our Randolphs and Nicholsons, the impolicy of placing 
 the enemies of the Constitution of the United States in 
 situations where they can, vvitli impunity, aim their blows 
 at its vitals. Would any man of a sound mind suffer his 
 -house to be tenanted by persons, who, after having vainly 
 opposed its erection, had declared that its corner stones 
 ought to be subtracted from the building, and its princi- 
 pal pillars be laid prostrate ? Yet such is the part which 
 Vie have acted in trusting the administratioa of the Fede- 
 ral Government in the hands of men who were inimical 
 to that government at its establishment, and who, even 
 BOW, neglect no opportunity for the display of their hoir 
 tiiity to the constitution by which it is aduiinistered. 
 R 
 
194 MONITION. 
 
 But now, methinks, you cry as one, 
 What must be done ! What must be done ! 
 These growing evils to curtail. 
 And make our Demo's shorten sail ? 
 
 Sirs, (our opinion to be blunt in) 
 The first step must be, " scoundrel hunt- 
 ing !'*128 
 
 127 Is at his dirty work again. 
 
 To wit, scribbling newspaper essays for the Snyderitcs 
 at Pennsylvania. 
 
 128 The first step must be " scoundrel hunting !" 
 
 This may seem very harsh doctrine. The sense in 
 which I use the phrase quoted y^ this place, may, how- 
 ever, be explained, by referring to Vol. I. N. 4. P. 4. 
 
 I would not wish to hunt bad men with mobs, nor with 
 mastiffs, but I would hold them out to society in true 
 colours, and if the voice of the public does not consign 
 them to infamy, Americans will pass from the ** tempes- 
 tuous sea" of licentiousness, to the " dead calm of des' 
 pntism," with the embittering reflection that they have 
 merited their destiny. Thus, in France, after the des- 
 truction of Fayette and others of their leaderss, who wert: 
 solicitous to reform the abuses of the old government, and 
 ■who were mostly well-meaning men, a succession of ly 
 gers, in human shape, afflicted tlie nation, till the most 
 ferocious monster the kingdom afforded, was at lengtlt 
 made Emperor. 
 
MONITION. 195 
 
 Tlie minions of a wicked faction. 
 
 Hiss ! hoot quite off the stage of action ! 
 
 Next, every man throughout the nation. 
 Must be contented in his station,^ 29 
 
 1C9 Must be contented in his station. 
 
 There is, perhaps, no pride more preposterous than 
 tliat which impels so many, in the middle and lower 
 classes in society, lo ixert themselves to confer a collegiate 
 education on their children, not only minerva invita, but 
 when ti\e?TJ angusta domus opposes insurmountable im- 
 pediments to their progress. *« What good end (says an 
 English writer) can it answer in these times, when every 
 genteel profession is overstocked, to rob our agriculture 
 or our manufactures of- so many useful hands, by encou- 
 raging every substantial farmer, mechanic, or tradesman, 
 to breed his son to the church ;" and he might have add- 
 ed, or any other learned profession. " If now and then 
 a very uncommon genius in those walks of life discovers 
 itself, there are seldom wanting gentlemen in the neigii- 
 bourhood, who are proud of calling forth, and \(neccssa' 
 rij, of supporting, by a subscription, such extraordinary 
 talents." 
 
 1 he multiplying of Academies, and poorly endoived 
 Caiieg'3, where that " dangerousthing." *' a little learn- 
 in.i.',/' mav be acquired, and fre(iuently to the detriment of 
 
196 MONITION. 
 
 Nor think to cut a figure greater. 
 Than was designed for him by Nature. 
 
 common Schools, in which tliat kind of knowledge is 
 tauglit wliich is absolutely necessary for farmers, mechan- 
 ics, occ. is, in our opinion, a great and a growing evil in 
 America. Happy would it be fjr us if the number of 
 that useful class of citizen?, who form the basis of socie- 
 ty, was greater in propoition to the population of the 
 country. 
 
 J With all the freedom you can boast, 
 
 "T You cannot all be uppermost : 
 
 And where subordination ends, tyranny heginx; at first 
 the ''tyranny of all" which soon becomes the tyranny 
 of the few, or the despotism of one. See Vol. I. P. 6. 
 
 N. 8. 
 
 In the general scramble for political distinction, which 
 takes place in America, in consequence of the door of 
 office being open to every pretender, .the basest means are 
 resorted to, and the morals cf the people are corrupted 
 by the example of t]it)se who are aspiring to take the 
 lead in the community. This evil might, in a great de- 
 gree, be remedied by lessening the number of competi- 
 tors for offices. Let every man have a right to aspire to 
 the highest stations, but let the pre-requisite qualifications, 
 respecting age, education, talents, citizensliip, bCit abore 
 
MONITION, 197 
 
 No tinker bold with brazen pate. 
 Should set himself to patch the State,^30 
 
 all morals, be such, that the number of competitors would 
 be comparatively few. 
 
 Eegulalions of that kinfj would be perfectly consistent 
 with freedom, the ascendancy of virtue and talents and 
 the experience of ages. 
 
 These remarks apply, not only to the candidates for 
 oflices or emoluments under government, but to those who 
 are crowding themselves into the learned professions, 
 without those qualifications which ought to be considered 
 as indispensable. 
 
 1 know that Duane and the Jacobins of his school, 
 maintain, that the learned professions, particularly that 
 of Law, ought to be annihilated ; and they may as well 
 be annihilated, as to be crowded with witlings and un- 
 qualified professors. But it is to be hoped the good sense 
 of Americans will resist the innovations of these God- 
 wiuian schemers. 
 
 Duane and his faction, may as well declare against 
 watch-makers, tailors, or any other mechanics, as law- 
 yers, or gentlemen of the other learned professions. — 
 They are each subservient to the happiness or conveni- 
 ence of all, and altogether constitute a civilized nation. 
 But if wiiat we have advanced in our exposition of the 
 principles of Mr. Godwin, in Canta II. relative to the 
 tendincv of these and similar levelling tenets, sliould: 
 K2 
 
198 MONITION. 
 
 No cobbler leave, at Faction^s call. 
 His last, and thereby lose his alL 
 
 No brawny blacksmith, brave and stout. 
 Our Constitution hammer out, 
 For if he's wise, he'll not desire 
 Too many irons in the fire ; — - 
 
 And though a master of his trade. 
 With politics on anvil laid. 
 He may take many a heat, and yet he 
 Can't tveld a bye-law or a treaty. 
 
 No tailor, than his goose more silly. 
 Should cut the State a garment, till he 
 Is sure he has the measure right. 
 Lest it ^fit awkward, loose or tight, 
 
 make no impression on tlie reader, we must turn him over 
 to the demagogues of the day. 
 
 330 Should set himself to patch the state. 
 
 *' When tinkers bawl'd aloud to settle 
 Church discipline, for patching kettle," &c. 
 
 HuDiBRAs, Parti. Canto If, 
 
MONITION. 199 
 
 No farmer, had he Ceres' skill, 
 The commonwealth should think to ////, 
 For many soils in human nature, 
 Would mock his art as cultivator. 
 
 The greatest number's greatest good. 
 Should, doubtless, ever be pursu'd ; 
 But that consists, sans disputation. 
 In order and subordination. 
 
 Nature imposes her commands. 
 
 There must be heads, as well as hands y^^^ 
 
 131 There must be heads , as well as hands. 
 
 If our New School politicians are not too fastidious to 
 peruse with patience, even the Apocryphal part of the 
 Bible, we would beg leave to illustrate our ideas on this 
 subject, by a quotation from Ecclesiasticus, Chapter 
 XXXVIII. V. 24, to the end of the chapter. 
 
 ** The wisdom of a learned man cometh by opportuni- 
 ty of leisure : and he that hath little business shall be- 
 come wise. 
 
 *' How can he get wisdom that holdeth the plough? 
 and that glorieth in the goad; that driveth oxen, anel is 
 occupied in their labours, and whose talk is of bullocks ? 
 
200 MONITION. 
 
 The man of body, *^ son of soul," 
 The former happiest on the whole : — ^32 
 
 " He giveth his mind to make furrows ; and is diligent 
 to give the kine fodder. 
 
 *' So every carpenter and workmaster that laboureth 
 night and day -. and they that cut and grave seals, and 
 are diligent to nsake great yariety, and give themselves to 
 counterfeit imagery, and watch to finish a work : 
 
 " The smith also sitting by the anvil, and considering 
 the iron work, the rapour of the fire wastcth his flesh, 
 and he fighteth with the heat of the furnace: the noise 
 of the hammer and the anvil is ever in his cars, and his 
 eyes look still upon the pattern of the thing that hemak- 
 eth ; he setteth his mind to finish his work, and watcheth 
 to polish it perfectly : 
 
 ** So doth the potter sitting at his work, and turning 
 the wheel about with his feet, who is always carefully set 
 at his work : and maketh all his work by number ; 
 
 " He fashioneth the clay with his arm, and bow- 
 €th down his strength before his feet, he applieth him- 
 self to lead it over ; and he is diligent to make clean tiie 
 furnace : 
 
 " All these trust to their hands : and every one is wise 
 in his Avork. 
 
 " Without these cannot a city be inhabited : and they 
 shall not dwell vhere they will, nor go up and down : 
 They shall nol be sought for in public cou..sel, nor sit 
 
MONITION. 201 
 
 For toil of body still we find. 
 Is Jighter far thau toil of mind, 
 
 high in the congregration : Ihey shall not sit on the 
 judges' seat, nor understand the sentence of judgment :* 
 they cannot declare jusiice and judgment, and they shall 
 not be found where parables are spoken. 
 
 •' But they will maintain the state of the world, and 
 [all] their desire is in the v/ork of the craft." 
 
 It is impossible for any person who is truly a pliilan* 
 thropist not to feel his indignation excited against the per- 
 verse philosophists of the day, who, instead of inculcat- 
 ing patience and tranquillity among mankind, are con- 
 tinually exciting that restive and turbulent spirit, which 
 is the bane of civilized society. It is owing to their ef- 
 forts tiiat the hearts of the lower clisscs in the connnuni- 
 ty are so frequently " Cankered with discontent, tliat 
 they consider themselves as condemned to labour for the 
 luxury of the rich, and look up with stupid malevolence 
 towards those who are placed above them.''* 
 
 132 The former happiest on the whole : — 
 
 He who has been in early life accustomed to laborious 
 occupations, can rarely conform to sedentary pursuits: 
 accustomed to the stimulus of violent corporeal exercise, 
 
 * Johnson* s Jtasselas, Prince of Ahysinnia. 
 
202 MONITION. 
 
 And nought, perhaps, but tooth-ach pain?. 
 Can equal " wear and tear of brains.'* 
 
 Blest is the man with wooden head, 
 J Wlio labours for his daily bread, 
 T More happy he, if truth were known, 
 
 Than Buonapart' upon his throne : — 
 
 Yes, his advantage most immense is. 
 In all enjoyments of the senses. 
 If health and strength in him are joined. 
 With heaven's best boon, a tranquil mind. 
 
 Then think not Providence disgrac'd you^ 
 If in some lower rank it plac'd you 3 
 Think poverty no punishment. 
 And be with competence content 3 
 
 his frame will be disordered, from its discontinuance. 
 Listlessness, apathy, hypochondriacal complaints, and 
 not unfrcquently madness, swell the catalogue of disorders 
 which await a transition of that kind. Hence the im- 
 practicability of civilizing tiie aborigines of America, who 
 have, in early life, Lccn inured to the toil of the huntes 
 slate. 
 
-^ 
 
 M ONITION. 203 
 
 Do not assume of State the reins. 
 If you're but so so, as to brains. 
 Because you make yourselves vexation. 
 And but disgrace us as a nation. 
 
 Had Johnny Randolph known his place, 
 "He had not hunted Mr. Chase,133 
 Nor had the pubhc known him to be 
 A blundering and malicious booby. 
 
 133 He Iiad not hunted Mr. Chase, 
 
 The failure of this poor little '< ghost of a monkey," 
 in his impeachment of Mr. Chase, cannot but afford 
 high satisfaction to every friend to his country. We have 
 reason to believe that had Mr. Chase fallen, it was the 
 intention of the stripling tyrant, and his confederate 
 mamelukes, to have destroyed all the Federal Judges, at 
 ** one fell swoop." 
 
 It was happily so ordered, that he made his attack on 
 one every way able to defend himself against the mali- 
 cious and vindictive assaults of the Faction, and who has 
 not only repelled the shafts of their calumny, but by his 
 masterly vindication of his conduct, has done honour t» 
 Federalism and to his country. 
 
201. MONITION. 
 
 Had Lawyer L n staid at home, 
 
 His honour might have pass'd, with some. 
 For quite a decent country Squire, 
 And no bad Jury — argufier. 
 
 And had our Governor that would be, 
 But been contented where he should be. 
 His Honour had not been the mark 
 So often hit by D— r P— k J34 
 
 Had somebody but known his station, 
 
 Perhaps his blasted reputation, 
 
 \Z^ So often hit by D— r P—k. 
 
 The charges to which we here allude, nre already be- 
 fore the public. We offer no comments, but merely ob- 
 serve, that the man, who, after having witnessed the de- 
 velopement of the character of this candidate for the 
 Gubernatorial chair will give him his suffrage, has not 
 xiTtuc enough to qualify him to be the citizen of a fret 
 government ; and if a majority of the citizens of Massa. 
 chusetts are base enough to prefer this man to Governor 
 Strong, national freedom is at its last gasp, and the cha- 
 racter of the State is fast sinking to the lowest point of 
 degradation. 
 
MONITION. 29$ 
 
 Stain'd by a multitude of sins. 
 
 Had 'scap'd the shafts ofYoung and Minns, 
 
 So much for wiseacres, desiring 
 
 To show their folly by aspiring. 
 
 We turn to those who know their places. 
 
 And form our social fabric's basis. 
 
 I need not tell you. Sirs, how true 'tis. 
 That you have rights^ as well as duties. 
 Have much at stake in preservation 
 Of Law and order in the nation. 
 
 155 Had Vap'd the shafts of Young and Minns. 
 
 We allude here to the well known publication in the 
 New-England Palladium, entitled, " The monarchy of 
 Federalism," which gives in short hand, a correct idea of 
 the man whom our Democrats " delight to honour " Tht 
 pamphlet, entitled, " The Defence of Young and Minns," 
 which contains copies of the docimients, and statements 
 of the facts alluded to in that publication, ought to be in 
 the hands of every American freeman who is not disposed 
 to rush blindfold into the jaws of destruction. 
 
 s 
 
206 'MONITION. 
 
 But heed you not the bawling clan. 
 Who prate about the^' rights of man," 
 Although hke Thomas Pain, and Firm, 
 They fix no meaning to the term.i^e 
 
 See Elliot sick 6f the proceduresi37 
 Of our good Democratic leaders, 
 
 15^ They fix no meaning to the term. 
 
 Kothing can be more preposterous than the declama- 
 lory nonsense of the demagogues of the day, who clamour 
 about the '* rights of man." If these gentlemen wish to 
 mix a little knowledge with their zeal on this subject, they 
 will diligently con Judge Blackstone's Commentaries, par- 
 ticularly the first Chapter of the first Book, which treate 
 •f the ** Rights of Persons." 
 
 137 See Elliot sick of the procedures, 
 
 Mr. Elliot's letters to his constituents display very con- 
 siderable candor, and certain aproximations to rectitude, 
 for which he ought to receive a due degree of credit. 
 
 This gentleman, together with many others, much hi* 
 inferiors in abilities and integrity, was elected to Congress 
 by a party who were opposed to the Washington and 
 Adams administrajtion ; but perceiving that the views of 
 
 J 
 
MONITION. 20r 
 
 Is half resolved on coming round. 
 And occupying Federal ground. 
 
 the leaders of that party were destructive to the Consti- 
 tution, Laws and Liberty of the Union, he appears now 
 to halt between two opinions. He will, by no means, 
 acknowledge himself to be aFederalist,although his politi- 
 cal tenets appear ?20!y to be very nearly the same with those 
 always held by the P'ederal party. Perhaps, however, he 
 may hereafter observe of some other political subjects what 
 he has already remarked relative to a certain amendment 
 of the Constitution, that he ** had never contemplated 
 the subject with a suitable degree of cool reflection and 
 deep investigation."* No doubt a proper attention to con; 
 templationsof that kind might induce him to become «/- 
 together a Federalist I 
 
 We cannot, however, forbear to notice a slight incon- 
 sistency which appears in his ** political creed," as ex- 
 pressed in his llth letter to his constituents. Mr. Elliot 
 says, «' I believe that Washington was the greatest warrior 
 and probably the most correct statesman in our country, 
 I believe Adams to be a man of integrity and talents, but 
 the general system of his Admiflistration was wrong." 
 Now a <' correct statesman" is not apt to give hissanctioa 
 to wrong measures, but Washington did highly approve 
 x)f Mr. Adams' Administration, as appears by his letter 
 to Mr. Carrol. See Vol. I. N. 145. P. 163. 
 
 See Mr. Elliofs 3d Letter to his Constituents, 
 
4- 
 
 30» MONITION. 
 
 And others feel a foolish terror 
 'Gainst owning they have been in error. 
 And though convinced, are not so manly 
 As Butler, Elliot, and Stanley. i38 
 
 Be not of good men over jealous. 
 Nor lightly trust the clamorous fellows. 
 Who 'gainst your true friends set their faces. 
 Merely to crowd into their places. 
 
 There must be limits put to suiFrage,^^* 
 Although the step excite enough rage, 
 
 138 As Butler, Elliot, and Stanley. 
 
 These gentlemen have all been of the Democratic par- 
 ty, but had honesty and independence enough to oppose 
 the machinations of the Virginian junto. 
 
 139 't'here must be limits put to suffrage. 
 
 It cannot be necessary in this place, to repeat what 
 has been so often urged on the subject of " Universal 
 Suffrage." borne qudlifications as respects pioperty, re- 
 sidenc-e, and cilizensnip, ever have, and ever vcill be 
 fvuiid iic'cesaary in a civilized state of society, in ordur to 
 
MONITION. 209 
 
 Lest men devoid of information 
 And honesty should rule the nation. 
 
 Your multiplying institutions. 
 Checks, balances andconstitutionSji^o 
 Which rogues can break down with im- 
 punity, 
 Will serve no purpose in community. 
 
 entitle a man by his rote, to dispose of the property of 
 others. What should we say of one, who assumed a 
 right to direct the operations, and tax the shares of a 
 private company of merchants, who held no stock be* 
 Jonging to the company ? 
 
 UO Checks, balances and constitutions. 
 
 In that invaluable digest df the principles of our go- 
 vernment entitled ** The Federalist" we find the following 
 apprehensions expressed on this subject. 
 
 " Experience assures us that the efficacy of parch- 
 ment barriers has been greatly over-rated, and that some 
 more adeqiuite defence is indispensably necessary, for the 
 more feeble against the more powerful members of the- 
 government. The Legislative department is every where- 
 S3- 
 
210 MONITION. 
 
 Thus Despotism France controuls. 
 In spite of Sieyes' pigeon holes. 
 And Revolutions every Moon, 
 Could not secure her Freedom's boon. 
 
 Let honesty and reputation. 
 
 Be passports to your approbation, 
 
 And ne*er support, with zeal most hearty, 
 
 A knave because he*s of your party. 
 
 Remember, mid your party strife, 
 Whoso*s a rogue in private li/e,^^^ 
 
 extending the sphere of its activity, and drawing all 
 power into its impetuous vortex*"* 
 
 If this ** more adequate defence' should not be found 
 in public opinion, our Constitution will fall,, our political 
 and civil rigiits wilt soon share its fate, and despotism in 
 America, as in France, will at length prove our only 
 asylum from the horrors of anarchy. 
 
 J 4 1 W hoso'^s a rogue in private life. 
 
 One of the most dangerous errors of those among our dc- 
 mocrats,who are rather the deluded than ihedeludei'sM an 
 
 * The remarks of the eloquent Mallet Du Pan, on the 
 fate of Switzerland, corroborate these observations. 
 
MONITION 2a 
 
 If once he gets you at his beck 
 Will set his foot upon your neck. 
 
 Thus Mr. Burr, for aye intriguing. 
 With this sideband with that side leaguing. 
 Has late contrived a scheme quite handy. 
 To make himself, for life, a grandee. ^^2 
 
 opinion that our attention to the affairs of government 
 ought to be directed altogether to measures without ad- 
 verting iomen. But 2ii\€vil ^rec cannot produce gooG?yrM?V, 
 aeither can ignorant wrongheaded and wicked men give 
 •rigin and support to measures which are beneficial tothe 
 public. Yet how often da we trust those in public station 
 in whom we could place no confidence in private life,. 
 and how many democrats like Matthew Lyon give 
 countenance to your Duanes and Cheethams, knowing 
 them such as Lyon has described his ** old friend," thafc 
 is entirely destitute of common honesty. Such men de- 
 serve to be n)ade '* hewers oi wood and drawers of water," 
 as a punishment for their stupidity. Jack of political 
 honesty, and public spirit. 
 
 142 To make himself, for life, a grandee, 
 
 Mr. Burr's attempt to obtain the privilege of franking 
 letters is an indication of the kind of freedom with vrhieh 
 
U12 MONITION. 
 
 You next some method must be trying. 
 To stop the rage of party lying. 
 Which may be quickly done, provided 
 You will be honest and decided, 
 
 "When printers are to lies addicted. 
 And have most fairly been convicted ; 
 For instance, men like Chronicleers, 
 Who should be thankful — for their ears. 
 
 From pillory though they are exempt. 
 You ought to blast them with contempt^ 
 But now they find, by Faction's aid^ 
 Lying a profitable trade. 
 
 But you can stop our Demo's dashing^ 
 Bring honesty again in fashion. 
 Bring scoundrelism to disgrace. 
 Bid modest merit show its face. 
 
 be and his party would favour the simpletons, who are ca* 
 pable of being lulled to repose by the syren song of Li- 
 berty and Equality. 
 
MONITION. 213 
 
 Instead of sinking in despair. 
 Be as with Washington you tverCy 
 Revive the measures he approved. 
 Restore to power the men he lov'd ! i*3 
 
 143 Restore to power the men he lov'd. 
 
 Those men who were honoured with the confidence of 
 their fellow- citizens and appointed to office under Wash- 
 ington and Adams' Administration, were selected from 
 among their ieliow-citizens, because they were known to 
 be ♦* honest and faithful." Now the inquiry, as Mr, 
 
 J n's answer to the New-Haven remonstrance implies, 
 
 is altogether whether the candidate is of the right politi- 
 cal sect. The demon of party brought forward the De- 
 mocrats, not any intrinsic merits of their own. The 
 same evil spirit which gave France her Marals, her Bo- 
 berspieres, and her Buonaparte, has given Ameiica the 
 tyrants who have put a period to the political t-xistence 
 of the Fcdtichsts, and who, as Duane has iniimated, 
 would lead them to ilie scaffold if ihey dared. If we 
 have not virtue enough to retrace our steps and return to 
 primitive men and mt^aburcs, we may fure:,ec in the fall of 
 Frr.nce what rausl be the icrmmation of our st.u^gies fox 
 Liberty. 
 
itr liONlttON. 
 
 Then may you rationally hope 
 That Libert}^, without a trope. 
 And all the virtues of hef train. 
 Will deign to visit us again. ^^4 
 
 U4 "Will deign to visit us again. 
 
 Many of our luke-warm Ftederalists, seem disposed ta 
 slide down the steep of Democracy, without an effort to 
 save themselves and country, frem ihe unlimited misery 
 "which awaits such a career. They say, that Americans 
 have not virtue enough to support a Republican Govern' 
 naent, and that we had belter remain contented ui'der the 
 present state of our affairs, than by exertions whicii must 
 prove fruitless, to hazar.l the introduction of a stiil wors« 
 order of things. But this is very foolish reasoning. As 
 veil migiit a physician determine to give no medicine to 
 allay the rage of a fever, because the disorder xiill have 
 hs crisis. If (he efforts of tlie FederaUsts should be un- 
 remitted, they will be, at least, able to muzzle the Mam- 
 moth of Democracy, and evade much ol' the evil which 
 ivould inevitably ensue, should the monster be suffered to 
 roam perfectly unrestrained. But we cannot better con- 
 clude this note, than with the remarks of the Editor of 
 the Utica Patriot, an excellent Federal Newspaper. 
 
 " The cause of Federalism, we trust, lias passed its 
 most gloomy period. The ebb tide has arrived to its ut- 
 most point, and will shortly be succeeded by a flood. 
 
MONITION. 2U 
 
 But, my good sovereign friends, I now 
 Must make, alas, my parting bow. 
 Still humbly hoping, with submission. 
 That you'll attend to my Monition. 
 
 Take my advice, which not pursuing. 
 You're surely in the " road to ruin," 
 For ruFd by men, and not by law. 
 Your rights will not be worth a straw. 
 
 which will overwhelm its enemies in one prodigious ruin. 
 The government again in the hands of the Federalists, 
 the wounds which have been inflicted on the constitution, 
 would be shortly healed, tlie government would conva- 
 lesce from its preseat weakness, to perfect health and vi- 
 gour, and the blessings of rational liberty would again be 
 enjoyed in their pristine purity. Then let Federalists, 
 knowing the justice of their cause, and its importance to 
 the salvation of their country, be animated to exertion ; 
 and let each good man and true patriot adopt for him- 
 self, the language of the Poet : 
 
 Here I take my stand. 
 
 ^f 
 
 Here on the brink, the very verge of liberty : 
 Although contention rise upon the clouds. 
 Mix heaven with earth, and roll the ruin onwards. 
 Here will I fix, and breast me to the shock. 
 Till I or Denmark fali.." 
 
 FINIS. 
 
^TRACTS FROM REVIEWS 
 
 OF 
 AND 
 
 ©THER PUBLICATIONS OF THE SAME AUTHOR. 
 
 ** WHOEVER reads Democracy Unveiled 
 with candour, even if his muscles be distorted 
 with anguish by the castigation so liberally be- 
 stowed on the rulers of the most numerous 
 party in this country, will readily credit the 
 assertion of the author, that " personal ani- 
 mosity is not among the motives, ^rhich pro- 
 duced this poem." Though the smart of the 
 culprit, under the beadle's lash, be little allevi- 
 ated by the knowledge that his demerits have 
 long required this exertion of Justice ; yet the 
 public will remember, that the punishment is 
 not inflicted through wantonness, nor aggra*- 
 vated by malice. 
 
 The Poet, in his commencement, says, 
 
 I M^ould not wantonly annoy, — 
 Would no one's happiness destroy ; 
 !>Jone lives, I say, with honest pride, who 
 Despises slander more than I do. 
 
 And next assigns the reason of his satke, 
 T 
 
218 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 
 
 ni lash each knave that's now in vogue. 
 Merely because he is a rogue. 
 
 "Democracy Unveiled should be read by eve- 
 ry person in the community, especially by the 
 middling classes of citizens, for whom it seems 
 chiefly intended." 
 
 The Monthly Anthology, and Boston 
 Review, for July, 1805. 
 
 I 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM ENGLISH REVIEWS OF FOR- 
 MER PUBLICATIONS BY THg AUTHOR OF DE- 
 MOCRACY UNVEILED. 
 
 ** Terrible Tractoration, a poetical petition 
 against Galvanising Trumpery, and the Per- 
 kinistic Institution," &c....lst edition. 
 
 *' These Hudibrastic lines have afforded us 
 amusement. It is not too much to say, that 
 the author is a legitimate branch of the Hudi- 
 bras family, and possesses a vein of humour 
 which will not be easily exhausted." 
 
 Literary Journal, for September, I 803. 
 
 After stating how far inferior to Hudibras are 
 the generality of modern imitators, the Re- 
 viewers proceed, ** To a charge of this nature 
 the author of the present poem pleads not 
 guilty. With the mantle of Butler he has like- 
 wise something of his inspiration, and has imi- 
 tated him no less in his versification than in 
 the spirit which supports it." 
 
 Monthly Register Review, for May, 1803. 
 
EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 219 
 
 " The author deals his blows around with 
 such causticity, sparing neither friend nor foe, 
 from the ** indelible ink" of Dr. Lettsom, and 
 the kindred ** jangle of Matilda's lyre" to Dr. 
 Darwin, tracing organised molecules from 
 slaughtered armies to tribes of insects, and 
 thence again to nobler animals, through the 
 profoundest parts of the bathos, and the sub- 
 limest of the hiipsos, tliat his real object can-, 
 not be always ascertained. We think him, 
 however, the friend of the Tractors, and pe- 
 culiarly severe on Dr. Haygarth and Dr. Lett- 
 som. Our author's knowledge seems to be ex- 
 tensive ; and he is by no means sparing of his 
 communications. His descriptions are ani- 
 mated and poetical." 
 
 Critical Review, for Nove?nber, 1803. 
 
 '* We must acknowledge that this poem has 
 a considerable share of Hudibrastic drollery. 
 The author is particularly happy in his ludi- 
 crous compounded rhymes, and has many 
 other qualities to ensure no trifling success in 
 doggrei verse." After a quotation from the 
 work, the Reviewers again mention its ** in- 
 genious burlesque," and *' humorous notes.'* 
 British Critic, for May, 1803. 
 
 *^ These four Cantos of Hudibrastic rerse, 
 and the copious notes, contain much pointed 
 satire and sarcastic animadversion, in the form 
 and guise of ironical compliments, on th« 
 medical opposers of the Metallic Tractors." 
 
f fO EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 
 
 After a quotation from the work, they con- 
 tinue...." The attack on some of the cruel and 
 indecent experiments of certain modern natur- 
 alists, which seem limited to the gratification 
 of a licentious curiosity, having for their ob- 
 ject the production of no one possible practi- 
 cal good, is just and commendable : and in- 
 deed the author has not merely rhyme but fre- 
 quently reason on his side." 
 
 Anti-Jacobin Reviexv, for April, 1803. 
 
 " In the first Canto, the author, in an inimit- 
 able strain of irony, ridicules those pretended 
 discoveries and inventions of certain pseudo- 
 philosophers, both of the natural and moral 
 class, which have no tendency to meliorate the 
 condition of man." After many extracts from 
 t\\& work, and similar encomiums on each of 
 the four Cantos, the Reviewers conclude.... 
 " Whatever may be the merits of the Metal- 
 lic Tractors, or the demerits of their oppon- 
 ents, we have no hesitation to pronounce this 
 performance to be far superior to the epheme- 
 ral productions of ordinary dealers in rhymes. 
 The notes, which constitute more than half 
 the book, are not behind the verse in spirit. 
 Who the author can be, we have not the least 
 conception, but from the intimate acquaintance 
 he discovers with the different branches of 
 medical science, we should imagine him to be 
 some jolly son of Galen, who not choosing to 
 bestow all his art upon his patients, has hu- 
 manely applied a few escharotics for the 
 benefit of his brethren." 
 
 QtntUmani Magazine for January t 1804. 
 
EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 231 
 
 The followi7ig are extracted from such JReviews 
 ef the second London edition of Terrible 
 Tractoration as have fallen within our notice. 
 
 " For a general character of this ingenious 
 and tr«ly humorous poem, we must refer our 
 reader to Vol. xiv. of our Review. The pre- 
 sent edition is not merely a re-print of the 
 former, but contains more than double the 
 quantity of matter ; and to its increased bulk 
 its value bears a due proportion," 
 
 *' The ludicrous animadversion on the gossa- 
 mery theories of the philosophistic Darwin ,> 
 now forming a part of the third Canto, is en- 
 titled to praise ; and though the extract is^ 
 somewhat longer than we could wish, we are 
 confident that our readers will derive much 
 gratification from perusing it." The Review- 
 ers conclude this article by a quotation of seve- 
 ral pages from the third canto of the poem. 
 
 Anti- Jacobin Revleiv, for August, 1804, 
 
 " In the second edition of this work the ob- 
 ject of the author is more conspicuous : in- 
 deed it blazes with a lustre which leaves not 
 the smallest foundation for doubt ; and not 
 confining himself to the Tractors, he aims his. 
 blows at many absurdities in the philosophy 
 of medicine. Such, in fact, there are, and 
 ridicule is, perhaps, the only weapon witli 
 which they can be attacked. Our author applies 
 his flagellation with no sparing hand.'' 
 
 Critical Review, Jor January , 1804. 
 T2 
 
222 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM AMERICAN REVIEWS OF TlRltl- 
 BLE TRACTORATION. 
 
 " The satire and irony of the burlesque part 
 (of Terrible 1 ractoration) are not employed 
 solely against the enemies of the Perkinistic 
 Institution, which it is his principal object to de- 
 fend. In his excursive flight of poetry, and in 
 the well written and amusing notes to his mer- 
 ry cantos, he has very successfully ridicul- 
 ed many of the disciples of the new school^ who, 
 either by jacobin politics, or atheistical philoso- 
 phy, or perverted literature, have attempted to 
 disturb the peace, and deface the ftlicity of 
 mankind. The author, whom we know to be 
 a disciple of the Old School, and who has al- 
 ways proved himself an anti-gallican, anti-jaco- 
 binical and anti-fanatical partizan, has acquitted 
 himself with great ability in that part of his 
 work which is occupied in satirising the upstart 
 innovators of the time." " We hope that the 
 well pi incipled wit, who has so severely lashed 
 the foolish and the flagitious in the Old World, 
 will brandish his scourge against the culprits of 
 the New." 
 
 The Port Folio, for Ait^ust 18, 1804. 
 
 " This Is a humorous poem, in which the stile 
 of Hudibras is most happily imitated. Those 
 who delight to laugh at the philosophic follies of 
 the day, will be much gratified by the perusal of 
 *' Terrible Tractoration." In every age the 
 half-learned are offering their wild theories, and 
 
EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 225 
 
 exhibiting their minute discoverieg to the world, 
 for which they claim high seats in the Temple 
 of Science, and demand ever-green honours. 
 Such always find gazers to look up and admire, 
 whilst flattery decorates them with laurels. It 
 is the part of satire to assign them their proper 
 rank, and to strip from their brows the unmerit- 
 ed wreaths, which encompass them. To a cer- 
 tain portion of the philosophists and empyrics 
 of the day, Christopher Caustic has performed 
 this office. 
 
 Montfdy j4nthologij and Boston 
 Review, Jar February, 1805. 
 
 *' In commending Christopher Caustic, 
 we are only subscribing to the opinions express- 
 ed by the people of another country. To be 
 behind that country, in our appreciation, of his 
 merits, were a stigma ; it is very pardonable to 
 go beyond it. National vanity may be a folly, 
 but national ingratitude is a crime. Terrible 
 Tractoration was successful on its first appear- 
 ance in England, and as yet seems to have lost 
 none of its popularity. It belongs to that class 
 ©f productions, which have the good fortune ta 
 escape what Johnson angrily, but too justly, 
 denominates the general conspiracy of human 
 nature against cotemporary merit." 
 
 "The Monthly Anihalogy., for April, 1805,. 
 
224 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM ENGLISH REVIEWS OF " ORIGI- 
 NAL POEMS, BY THE AUTHOR OF ** DEMO- 
 CRACY UNVEILED.'* 
 
 " A vein of pleasantry and sportive humour 
 is manifested by this American writer, which 
 cannot fail to amuse and conciliate the reader, 
 when he is disposed to quit his serious studies 
 and welcome a playful guest.'' ''Whenever an 
 opportunity occurs, the author takes care to in- 
 culcate in the minds of his countrymen a spirit 
 of manly independence, and a rational love of 
 liberty." The Reviewers then make a quota- 
 tion from the work, and conclude as follows : 
 
 *' We recommend these patriotic lines to the 
 attention of our own countrymen, as worthy of 
 a great and independent nation. In the mean- 
 time, we are happy to observe that this author 
 expresses his wishes to preserve and perpetuate 
 harmony between his country and England. 
 We trust and hope that such a disposition is 
 cordially cherished by the freeborn inhabitants 
 of both states." 
 
 Monthly 'Reviexv, 
 
 " We were amused with the burlesque poem 
 ealled '< Terrible Tractoration." That Mr. F. 
 possesses a singular genius for burlesque poetry 
 is undeniable, and is rendered still more evident 
 by the present volume. 
 
 " But there is another circumstance which 
 strongly recommends these poems to notice. 
 They present a new literary phenomenon j a 
 
EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 225 
 
 poetical miscellany written bj^ an American au- 
 thor; and what is still more pleasing to us, an 
 American friendly to England and to genuine 
 liberty." 
 
 " Of the author's humour, we might produce 
 as specimens, his burlesque Sapphics, in the stile 
 of the famous " Needy Knife Grinder."-^ 
 The Vermont Pastoral is in a new stile, and 
 very illustrative of local manners ; the allusions 
 to which give an air of novelty to every part of 
 the volume. Mr. Fessenden is seldom more 
 successful than when he is satirizing the profli- 
 gate democrats of America. His poems have 
 afforded us much gratification.'' 
 
 British Criiie. 
 
 " AVe presume this writer to be an American \ 
 and, considering the state of literature in that 
 country, his productions are quite as good as 
 could be expected from one of its natives. His 
 serious productions are, upon the whole, the 
 best ; still he is, by no means, destitute of hu- 
 mour." 
 
 Critical Review* 
 
 " In a well written preface to this volume of 
 poems, Mr. Fessenden makes some judicious 
 remarks on the growing importance of Ameri- 
 ca, in the scale of nations. 
 
 ** The major part of these poems are humor- 
 ous, and are principally worthy of attention flpjr 
 
226 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 
 
 their accurate delineation of rustic manners in 
 New-England. The patriotic ode, at the be- 
 ginning of the volume has much merit ; and 
 the serious pieces that arc inserted, afford 
 a favourable specimen of the author's poetical 
 talents, as well as of his political and moral 
 principlei." 
 
 jinti- Jacobin BevieUf. 
 
Errata, 
 
 IN THE FIRST VOLUME. 
 
 Page 25, lines 5 and 6 from the top, for ^* additional 
 notes at the end of ihe volume" read following notes in 
 this volume. 
 
 Page 35, line 6 from the bottom, before " 'whom^' !»• 
 sert to. 
 
 Page 53, line 15 from the bottom, Greek word, for 
 " Pantogratory" read Pantokrator. 
 
 Page 98, line 3 from the bottom, for " Edwin" read 
 EiLsden. 
 
 Page 104, line 3 from the bottom, for ** mouldering" 
 read smouldering. 
 
 Page 122, line 2 from thebottom, dele "Churchill." 
 
 Pas^e 12<5, line 4 from the bottom, for '* led to that 
 step" read was laid. 
 
 Page 159, line 10 from the top, for ** hid" read did. 
 
 IN THE SECOND VOLUME. 
 
 Page 19, line 5 from the top, for "comica" read 
 eomical. 
 
 Page 68, line 4 from the bottom, for " Mareat" read 
 moveat* 
 
fnUtjc 
 
 pF PERSONS MENTIONED IN DEMOCRACY 
 UNVEILED. 
 
 N. B. The Jirst figures denote the Folumes and the ffh 
 loxving the pages. 
 
 A 
 
 Adams, i. 45, 127, 130, 149.— 11. eo, 67,71, 
 
 [143, 144, 145 
 
 Absalom, . . . * . . I. 123 
 
 Abner, I. 125 
 
 JEgis-man, I. 11 
 
 JEneas, II. 182 
 
 Addison, , . . . . . I. ® 
 
 Amar, ... . , . I. 64 
 
 Ames, I. 179 
 
 Arcularius, . . . - , II. 169, 170 
 
 B 
 
 Babcock, . . • -* 4 . IL Sf, 35 
 
 U 
 
230 INDEX. 
 
 Babieuf, I. 6S 
 
 Bailly, I. 52 
 
 Banneker, II. 52 
 
 Bangs, II. 11« 
 
 Barnave, ...... I. 62 
 
 Bayard, II. 188, 189 
 
 Bidwell, I. liiS to 174 
 
 Billaud, I. 64 
 
 Blackmore, ...... I. 98 
 
 Bowdoin, I. 103 
 
 Breckenridge, I. 170 
 
 Bronson, 11. 153 
 
 Buonaparte, . . I. 78 to 8i2— II. 2%, 29, 202 
 
 Burnet, II. 171, 172 
 
 Butler, See Hudibras 
 
 Burr, II. 211 
 
 Burroughs, I. 83 
 
 Cataline, ; . . , . I. 1 
 
 Cheetham, ... I. 12—11. 151 to 172 
 
 Gallender, ? . I. 119—11. 62 to 66, 123, 132 
 
 Chappe'.lier, I. 62 
 
 Croswell, .... I. 9— II. 141 
 
 Coxe, ... .1. 14—11. 162, 163 
 
 Cromwell, I. 26 
 
 Coleman, . I. 91, 99—11. 62, 71, 72, 73 
 
INDEX. 2S1 
 
 Colman; I. 44 
 
 Chenier, , I. 62 
 
 Couthon, . . . . . . I. 64 
 
 Collot, ibid 
 
 Carrier, , , . . . • ibid 
 
 Coffinliall, ....:. ibid 
 
 Catherine ir, I. 78 
 
 Christiern VII, ibid 
 
 Condorcet, . . . . I. 105 
 
 Campbell, . . . . I. 131 
 
 Craik, ... . . I. 134 
 
 Carpenter, . . . . I. 142 
 
 Churchill, . . . , I. 143 
 
 Carleton, . . ; 1. 149, 150 
 
 Carrol, . . . . I. 163 
 
 Cowper, . . . i II. 89 
 
 Cannon, . . . . II. 135, 136 
 
 C n, . . i .11. 177 
 
 CointreLe, . . ... I. 29 
 
 Curtius, . . , . I. 10 
 
 Dryden, . • . . I. 3 
 
 Diiane, I. 12, 84, 126, 135—11. 103, 105 to 109, 
 
 [142 to 147, 197 
 Domitian, , . . . I. 13 
 
 Darwin, . » , . L 35 
 
9S% INDEX. 
 
 Diderot, .... I. 49 
 
 D'Alembert, .... ibid 
 
 Dumas, . . . . I. 6i 
 
 Drouet, . . • . I. 68 
 
 Dexter, . . . . . I. 143 
 
 Dana, .... II. 79 
 
 Dallas, ... II. 118, 120, 122 
 
 Davis, . . . . II. 182 
 
 DawsoDy . . . . II. 192 
 
 Dodd, .... II. 159 
 
 E 
 
 I. 9$ 
 
 II. 132 
 
 EUSDEN, » • • • 
 
 Eppes, . . • • 
 
 £rving, . , • "■ 165, 16« 
 
 Edgar, ... ". 167> ^68 
 
 Elliot, ... n- 206, 207, 208 
 
 F 
 
 II. 178, 179 
 
 II. 84 
 
 II. 96 
 
 II. 172 
 
 I. 102 
 
 I. If 
 
IN»EX. 233 
 
 GRiswoLD, Stanley, . I. T— 11. 128 to 135 
 
 Gerry, . . , . - I. 1 1 
 
 Guthrie, . . . . I. 27 
 
 Godwin, . . I. 54, 70 to 7 8—11. 197 
 
 Gustavus III, ... I. 78 
 
 Gallatin, I. 121, 131—11. 105, 109, 135 to 142 
 
 Griswold, Roger, Esq. . . I. 134 
 
 Gardner, .... ibid 
 
 Giles, .►».!. 139, 14? 
 
 Genet, . . . ^ * II. 57, 66 
 
 Garrow, » . . II. 96 to 99 
 
 Gates, .... II. 100 
 
 Gil man, * . . . II. 13t 
 
 Gregoire, .... 1. 62 
 
 H 
 
 Haswell, . . ► I. Ill to 115 
 
 Helvetius, . . , I. 56, 58, 59 
 
 Hutchinson, ... I. 88, 89 
 
 Hudibras, .. I. 108, 109—11. 80, 95, 198 
 
 Hamilton, . . I. 134 to 144— II. 141 
 
 Humphreys, . . . . I. 153 
 
 Harrison, Esq. . . . L 157 
 
 Harrison a Tory, . . U. 168, 169 
 
 U ?. 
 
«34 INDEX. 
 
 Hawkins, . . . , II. 10 
 
 Hurlburt, . . . . II. 33 
 
 Hone>tus, ... II. 86 to 95 
 
 Hunt, .... II. 82 
 
 Hanna, ... .II. 103 
 
 Hijll, II. 134 
 
 Howe, , . . . II. 162 
 
 Hillhouse, • . . . II. 16 
 
 Joseph 
 
 II, 
 
 . 
 
 . 
 
 I. 78 
 
 Jefferson » 
 
 . 
 
 I. 104 to 111- 
 
 -II 
 
 . 3 to 83 
 
 Joab, 
 
 . 
 
 . 
 
 , 
 
 I. 125 
 
 Judas, 
 
 . 
 
 • * 
 
 
 ibid 
 
 Junius, 
 
 , 
 
 . 
 
 
 II. 173 
 
 Jay, 
 
 . 
 
 . 
 
 , 
 
 I. 14 i 
 
 Johnson, 
 
 . 
 
 . . 
 
 
 II. 301 
 
 K 
 
 Kins, . , . . I. 14S 
 
 l^§an,Mc. . . I. 119—11. 147, 186 
 
 Louis, . , . . I. 55 
 
 Livingston, . . . L 157, 158 
 
INDEX. 2S* 
 
 Leslie, - - - - II. 54, 59 
 
 Lauriston, - - - - II. 92 
 
 Lyon, - . - - n. 100 to 111 
 
 Lincoln, - - II. 113 to 128,204 
 
 Langdon, - - - - H. 1^0 
 
 Ludlow, - - - II. 163 to 165 
 
 LeBo . - . - L 62 
 
 Longeiat - - - - I. 6l 
 
 M 
 
 Mallet BU Pan-, - - ^- 11.210 
 
 Marshall, Jeremy, - - - 11. 163 
 
 McFingal - - I. 2—II. 160, 161 
 
 Marshall, Envoy to France, - - I. 1 1 
 
 Mirabeau, . . - I. 62, 65 
 
 Milton, - - - - I. 91, 92 
 
 Minot,' ^ ' - - - - I. 98 to 101 
 
 Morris, - - - - I. 137, 171 
 
 Maddison, - ' - - L 168, 171 
 
 Macon, - - - - II. 10 
 
 Mazarine - - - - II. 18 
 
 Machiavel, - - - - ibid 
 
 Mercury-man, - - - 11. 22 
 
 McKean, - - I. Uf— U. 147, 186 
 
 Mansfield, - - - - II. 16« 
 
23« INDEX. 
 
 N 
 
 Newton, - - - I. 51 to 54 
 
 Nicholson, - - - - L 134 
 
 Nicholas, - - - . jbij 
 
 Nelson, - - - • II. 14 
 
 Nichols, - . - - II. 16 
 
 Numa, - - . . 11. 184 
 
 o 
 
 Orpheus, 
 
 I. g9 
 
 Otis, 
 
 I. 134 to 142—11. 134 
 
 
 % 
 
 
 P 
 
 Pain, I. 4, 
 
 54, 89, 148—11. 33, 37 to 40, 177, 193, 20G 
 
 Pasquin, 
 
 I. 12—11. 95 to 100 
 
 Pinckney, 
 
 1. 11 
 
 Page, 
 
 I. 63 
 
 Paley, 
 
 I. 65, 65 
 
 Poniatowski, 
 
 I. 78 
 
 Pitt, 
 
 I. SI— 11. 141 
 
 Fickering, 
 
 I. 127, 131, 134, 135, 158 
 
 Putnam, 
 
 L 153—11. 166, 167 
 
 Powell. 
 
 II. U 
 
 Park, 
 
 II. 63, 65, 66, 87, 88, 204 
 
 Parish, 
 
 11. 87 
 
 Palmer, 
 
 . . - . II. 177 
 
INDEX. «$7 
 
 RoussEA¥, - - - I. 17 to 45 
 
 Robison, - - I. 18 to 25, 29, 50 to 55 
 
 Kandolph, Edmund, - I. 157, 158—11. 8i 
 
 Roberspierre, - - - I. 51, 64 
 
 Robins, - - - - I. H^ 
 
 Richie, - - - - - II. 15 
 
 Randolph, John, - - II. 191, 193, 203 
 
 StKVENS, - - - II. IflS, 169 
 
 Spencer, - - - - II. 172 
 
 Shore, Sir John, - - . IL 151 
 
 Strong, • - . . 11^ 20'J. 
 
 Smith, Editor, - - . - I. 12 
 
 Silenus, - - . . II. 183 
 
 Sf^ays, j^ 10^ 
 
 Stanley, • - - - II. 208 
 
 Smith, William, Esq. I. 105—11. 9 to 15,. 53 to 60 
 
 Sjeyes. - - - . II. 21« 
 
 Smilie, - - . . j. 131 
 
 Stone, . - - . I, ]34 
 
 Sally, - - . - II. 16, «5, 141 
 
 Sinclair, - - - - II. 2€ 
 
 ^"lly» • - • - II. 141 
 
m INDEX. 
 
 Talleyrand, 
 
 • 
 
 - 
 
 I. 26 
 
 Thomson, 
 
 - 
 
 -' 
 
 I. 38 
 
 Tallien, Madam, ^ 
 
 - 
 
 - 
 
 I. 59 
 
 Tracy, 
 
 - 
 
 I. 
 
 166 to 168 
 
 Tarleton, 
 
 - 
 
 . 
 
 II. 14 
 
 Turner, 
 
 - 
 
 II. 13, 
 
 15, 31, 33 
 
 Teignmouth, Lord, 
 
 - 
 
 - 
 
 II. 151 
 
 Tyler Wat, 
 
 V 
 
 - • 
 
 11. 1S6 
 
 Virgil, 
 
 - 
 
 . 
 
 I. 3 
 
 Voltaire, 
 
 . 
 
 I. : 
 
 26, 54, 13'6 
 
 w 
 
 Warrens, Lady, - - - I. 32 
 
 Weishaupt, - - - I. 47, 50, 106 
 
 Washington. IL 126to 130—11. 39, 40, 83, 139, 186,213 
 
 Wolcott, 
 
 L 133, 136, 143, 149, 158 
 
 Walker, Mrs. 
 
 IL 3i 
 
 Walker, Col. 
 
 IL 31, 73, 132 
 
 Wood, 
 
 IL 143 to 146 
 
 Watson, 
 
 IL 164 
 
 W^ilson, 
 
 IL 168, 160 
 
 Warner, 
 
 - - IL 168 
 
 
 Y 
 
 Young and Minns, 
 
 IL 116, 215 
 
In some few espies tJie follomng ERRATA, 2*71 the Pre- 
 face and Introduction, escaped notice. 
 
 Page vi, line 21 from the top, for " ins," read com' 
 plains. 
 
 Pageviii, line 17 from the top, for "scourge," read 
 lash* 
 
•^ 
 
 
 ^ 13 89"^ 
 

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