.C3A1 
 

 » f 
 
 \ ^21 THE 
 
 C-tH^*- 
 
 A.CTOR OF £LL WORK 
 
 OR, 
 THE FIRST AND SECOND FLOOR. 
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 IN ONE ACT. 
 
 With the Comic Song of 
 
 The Picture of A London TLAr-JiousE^ 
 
 as introduced by 
 
 MR. MATHEWS, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 XElf-YORK THEATRE. 
 
 NEW-YORK: 
 
 PUBLISHED BY E. WE. MURDEN, 
 
 Circulating Library and Dramatic Repository^ 
 
 KO. 4 CHAMBER-STREET. 
 
 1822. 
 
 - - ~- f 
 

 m 
 
DRAMATIS FEBSONJEi 
 
 Multiple, a Strolling Actor, Mr. Mathews, 
 Mathe w St ufiy, a Prompter, Ma the ws, 
 
 French Tragedian, Mathews, 
 
 Robin Scrawkr, J a ^humbri- > ^ r 
 
 J ' } fl/i Apprentice, \ JiATtIEl ^> 
 
 !a Scotch i 
 PawnbroA Mathews, 
 ken ) 
 
 Mrs. M'Sillergrip, wife to Andrew, Mathews, 
 Dmnken Coachman^ Mathews. 
 
3 
 
 % 
 
THE 
 
 ACTOR OF ALL WORK, 
 
 Enter Multiple, in front of the drop curtain, 
 reading a Utter. 
 
 Mul. <l Dear Sir, — it will be impossible for me 
 to comply with your request for an engagement 
 at my Theatre, as I have doubts whether yoij 
 possess sufficient versatility of genius to be use- 
 ful in my corps. 
 
 " Yours, to command, 
 
 " Timothy VelenspeckP 
 
 Very pretty, upon my word ; so here I'm re- 
 fus'd an engagement — rejected— and scorned ;— 
 tieated with contempt, on 'he score of usefulness, 
 too, and by whom ? — by the manager of a paltry 
 country play house, uot much bigger than a pig- 
 stye.— I that have been received with applause 
 in theatres royal — play'd the hero in the trage- 
 dy — low comedy in the farce — sung between the 
 acts, and dauc'd a hornpipe between the pieces. 
 Me to be refused an engagement ! Confusion !— 
 Death to my hopes 1 " Down, busy devil, 
 down ! v Thou, " King of shreds and patches," 
 I'll have reveuse. I have it ! I'll be even with 
 )rim, however. I'll go to him in different cha- 
 
 a3 
 
6 ACTOR Gtf ALL WOKE!. 
 
 racters. He'll not know me under the varioES? 
 disguises I'll assume. I have a tolerable ward- 
 robe, and a friend, who lives next door to him, 
 will allow me to make u&a of his home (which 
 is so situated ihni 1 can easily slip from it into 
 the manager's room) for that purpose. I will thus 
 force an engagement, and then lairgffc at him. — - 
 What, ho?. Alexander f — Alexander, I say I 
 
 Enter Alexander, (a. little boy,) with a bundle 
 
 of clothes. 
 
 J lex. Here. T am, si*. 
 
 Mul. Now, Alexander, Emperor of the Greeks 
 and Romans, attend to me. Alexander, my boy, 
 (laying his hand on his hmd) you are now too 
 bi«r to act Cora's child, and therefore J have made 
 you my man-servant. But Alexander, my hero, 
 depend upon it, that when I get an engagement 
 for myself, 1 will look after one for yeu<, 
 
 Alex. Thank you, sir. 
 
 Mul. You shali play the parts of Cupids,. Sliani- 
 pausas, and Imps. 
 
 J lex. Thank you, sir. 
 
 Mul. " Give me the man that is not passionV 
 slave, and I will wear him in \v,y heart of hearts z 
 yea, in my heart's core, Horatio!" Shall I, 
 who keep a man -servant, be refused an engage- 
 ment by a •. Go, Alexander, bundle off 
 
 with my bundle to my friend Gypsum, next door 
 to Velenspeck'a ; — run— vanish — go I 
 
 Alex. I am gone, sir ; J Oy. [ExiL 
 
 Mul. Now for imposing on Manager Vel. — 
 Ci Limbs do your office, and support me well; 
 be;u me to hint, then fail me if you can." But 
 should I fail? J'il try, however. Oh ! thut, 
 fire no pleasures like Mmse pf a play house ; and 
 (here's no living triltiiu oif v; U'beut one., [sings* 
 
ACTOK OF ALL WORK. 
 
 ISoXGi—Piclure of a Play-house.] 
 
 Of a playhouse, in a playhouse, a plavhonse I sing 
 'lis my subject, my pride, and my )ud»e ; 
 
 For -bavin* exhausted each theme you can bring, 
 ISow to laugh at ourselves we don't grudge. 
 
 b ,uu 6« 
 
 Well suppose you arriv'd at the box or pit entry, 
 
 Ten hands are thrust into your coach ; 
 After the jostle's so great between the police and s-v 
 
 THTfj 
 
 'Tis a cestpry before you approach, 
 
 [ c poken, in different voices.] Choice fruit or a bif! 
 of the play.— Buy a bill of a poor b-, v , sir, fr ou 'u 
 \\ant one when you get ioto the bouse.— Where a*e 
 you squeezing to ?— Take care of this 1 itfy, will you > 
 — Lm sure I can't help it, while they keep crowding 
 behind.— Bless me, sir, how sharp your elbows are •— 
 Excuse me, ma'am, but it's you're so very fat that's 
 the reason.— Box tickets for six shillings ; taketwo in 
 the pit, and save a shilling.— ]. say, you Bill, where 
 have you got to ?— Oh ! I'm under this here fat gentle- 
 man's legs, papa.— Gal le.y tickets foreMij.cn p-nce* 
 if you have more tickets than you want, sir, I'll buy 
 them of you.— Sare, you will hav de goodness to in- 
 fo.ui me ii dis is Drury Lane, or de Garden Common 
 
 — This is Covent Garden, sir, Drury Lane is moved 
 into Bridges-street : Drury Lane u>ed 10 be in the 
 Strand.— I remember Drury Lane in the Haymarket 
 — Ha, ha! there's a bull !— A bull ! bless me, where * 
 
 — What a shame to let those mad creatures run about 
 the street.— Come, come along, Alary : where are you ? 
 —I've lost my shoes! — Shoo, shoo! never mind that ■ 
 push on, there's plenty of room— Where >— In my 
 pockets, for you've got both your hands there.— How 
 dreadful hot it is!— Hack, back there ! the pit's full 
 —Ah! that's always the case at this house : they fill 
 the pit before the doors are opened.— Well then 
 where are you driving to ? — Oh, 
 
 I'm going to the play, 
 Where, with spirits so gay, 
 Wit, iwnsic, and harmony mingle* 
 
i ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 
 
 Ire the boxes arc fiU'd. in the lobbies you meet, 
 U here e'en ladies themselves bear the brunt? 
 
 \ nd squeezing thro' numbers, to Ret a good seat, 
 Aro crowded all round to the front. 
 
 The pit parties ramble all over the place, 
 Till they're seated at ease, great and small, 
 
 While the gallery guests fill the benches apace, 
 And with discord for harmony bawl. 
 
 [Spoken.] Halloo! you catgut scrapers ! strike up,, 
 there, v. ill you ? — Rule Britannia ! — Moll in the Wad! 
 — Down, down ! — Hats olF ! — Silence ! — Down in 
 front! — That fellow, now, bawling out silence, makes 
 more noUe than all the rest of them. — Apples, pears, 
 oranges, nuts, cakes, bill of the performances, hook of 
 the songs. — Come, get up, there, sir, that's my seat. — 
 1 say it's not your scat. — Yes, it is; I was sitting next 
 to that there lady with the brandy-bottle ; I've only 
 been out to get a drop of aniseed. — Any seat? I 
 tell you there's not any seat here. — Sir, I'll be very 
 much obliged to you, if you'll let my little girl stand 
 up — she never was at a play before : — there, my dear, 
 take care you don't tumble over into the pit. — Law! 
 mamma, is it full of water? — Pretty dear! what an 
 innocent remark ! — Mrs. Filla^ree's places ; five young 
 ladies, and their mamma ! — Dear me, ma", if there an't 
 two gentlemen got our seats ! — Well, 1 declare, that's 
 va>tly ungenteel, after I came all the way myself, 
 yesterday, to take places. — Permit me, ma'am, to 
 • p ( 'ak to them ? — I'm sure, sir, you're vastly polite. — 
 Come out of that, then, will you ! — What do you mean, 
 sir ? — Come out of this, then ! — Out of this, and out of 
 that ! I don't understand you ! — Och ! then, I must be 
 after making a ta\ lor of my list, and taking measure 
 of you for a black eve. — I'm keeping this seat for a 
 gentleman, and I iha'nt give it up — First act over ! — 
 There, sir, the first act's over ; you can't keep seats 
 any longer ; you must give it up. — Must I ? — ^ et, vou 
 mu»t. — Then, like some other people, I'll resign when 
 I'm obliged to turn out. — Move that shawl ! — I shal t 
 not. — Take away that TIPPST, — I II TIP it to you, if 
 you do. — These are puns, 1 Mippone : — a man that 
 would make a pun, would pick a pocket: what do 
 
ACtOR OF ALL WORK. 9 
 
 you think ?— Why, sir, I don't know what to think, 
 Cm taken exeeediugly ill, 1 should like to get out.— 
 What did you pay for coming in ?— Seven shillings, 
 sir,— Offer them half a guinea, 1 dare say they'll let 
 
 you out Shut that box-door. — I can't come iu, and 
 
 I'm sure 1 shan't go out.— Box-keeper, shut that dotir, 
 iake away this man, anil brin^ me a gentleman :— m hy 
 don't you do as 1 ordered you ? bring me a gentle- 
 man.— sir, I've been all round the lobby, urn! L can't 
 find one. — What vulgarity ! 1 remember Mr«Gtt«rick .: 
 in his time, there was some oudkii in the house !— Sir. 
 if vou were to ask the managers, you'd 8ud they had 
 orders enough in the house now. — What's the play ? 
 Jilue Devils, *ir. — Oh, we have plenty of them at home 
 
 — Devil among the taylors.— i-ir, that's a personal re- 
 jection. — Sir.how should I know you were a tay lor? — 
 Sir, there's my card : com<»,n6 shuffling ; Chalk Farm! 
 
 — Chalk faces ?— Leave off that noise, will you ? it's 
 very odd that some people will talk, and disturb other 
 peon!**, who came to heal- what the people say upon 
 the stage.— What did you come for ?— Come for ?~ 
 
 why, 
 
 I cam? to see the play. 
 Where, with spirits so gay, 
 Wit, music, and harmony mingle 
 
 J'lie performance done, with smiles and With laughter, 
 
 Each countenance is strre to be lit up ; 
 For if haply the tir=t piece is tragic, the after 
 
 Is sure to change grief to a ik-up. 
 
 And now, one by one, all our lights cease to bnrn. 
 
 While the company they go out too ; 
 Vet, like stars, we must hope, they go out to return, 
 
 For to us, there are no stars like you. 
 
 [Spoken.] Coach to the City.— Coach unhired — 
 Four shillings to Hyde Park Corner —Three and six- 
 pence to Tottenham Court Road.— Want a coach* your 
 honour ?— Yes.— What number ?— One, to be sure; 
 that's enough at once.— Coach to St. Mary Axb.— Are 
 you hired ?— Ax about.— lake that fellow's number ; 
 take his number; he is the most impertinent fellow 
 under all the P—n's.— Take my number ! you may 
 
10 ACTOR OF ALT. WORK. 
 
 take my name, too, if you like ; I'm Saucy Dick — used 
 to drive the lung Islewoith, Remember tiie poor link- 
 boy, your grace. — Out of the way, you graceless dog ! 
 
 — Pray my, lord duke! — There's two-pence for you. — 
 You a duke ? you're a rum duke, t lie!) ! — Drive to 
 j)u kk's Place. — Well, Thomas, have you got a coach ? 
 
 — No, sir : I've been all down the Strand, and up to 
 Charing Cross, and can't get one. — Bless me ! 1 shall 
 ratch my death of cold, only got thin shoes, and no 
 bhawll — Well, well, it's your own fault; all prid<: 
 ought to dress for the weather. — I'm very sorry to say, 
 my. lady, your carriage is broke, the pannels drove in, 
 
 ami your arms Oh, dear! my arms destroyed, my 
 
 lord; think of that !: — Never mind, make use of mine, 
 my lady. — Well, ma'am, bow have you been entertain- 
 ed l — Very well, sir, thank you; and my little girl 
 has been quite pleased ; never was at a playhouse be- 
 fore ! — Did you like it, my love ? — Oh. >cs, sir, very 
 much indeed : she'll have it all oft" to-morrow morning, 
 t^uite perfect, every word. — And what did you see, my 
 dear ? — Oh, sir, there was a gentleman sung a song so 
 Lad, they made him sing it all over again. — Infantine 
 simplicity ! what a pretty remark ! — And, pray, which 
 did you like best ? Oh, sir, the song. — 
 
 What, the song about the play, 
 Where, with spirits so gay, 
 Wit, music, and harmony mingle ? [Exit, 
 
 ( Curtain rises and discovers Vclenspeck sealed at 
 a table with a letter in liis hand. The scene is 
 ao constructed as to exhibit an upper roo?n, with 
 a toilet-table, dressing -glass, &c &c. ; two prac- 
 ticable doors lead to different stair cases. Ve» 
 knspeck is seated in the lower room. J 
 
 Vel. Here I am, in a pretty pickle ! Bills 
 stuck up all over the town, and not a performer 
 ready. Let me read over Penny less', the Trea- 
 surer's letter, once more : (reads. J 
 
 • Dear Sir, — I write to give you Information 
 
ACTOR OP ALL WORK. J J 
 
 respecting tbc actors you bad engageti. The 
 gentleman who was to do the fops, has been put 
 under three month's arrest. " The child of na- 
 ture" is in the straw, and the walking gentleman 
 lias u alked away. Your first tragedian has been 
 lapp'd on the shoulder, and your harlequin tappM 
 for the dropsy. Lady Towuley is keeping a 
 chandlers shop, and your country boy is superan- 
 nuated. You will please send me money enough 
 * to pay for an outside place on the coach. 
 
 11 Yours, &c. 
 
 " Peter Pennyless." 
 Walk t» • (A knock at the door. 
 
 Enter Multiple, as Mathew Stuffy. 
 
 Pray, Sir, who are you, and what do yon 
 
 want ? 
 
 Stuff. I came here, Sir, to— (sneezes most 
 violently.) 
 
 VeL You came here to what, sir ? 
 
 Stuff, I wait to get (sneezes J al elgagemelt. 
 
 VeL A what ? 
 
 Stuff. Al employmelt as a— (sneezes) as a 
 player. 
 
 VeL Oh I as a player; why what is your 
 name, pray ? 
 
 Stuff My lame is (sneezes) Mathew (sneezes) 
 Stuffy. (I see he does uot suspect me.) (Aside) 
 I klew the immortal (sneeses) Mr. Garrick, dead 
 aid deceased, lolg ago. 
 
 VeL Why, Mr. Stuffy, you seem to have a bad 
 cold. 
 
 Stuff. Yes ; (sneezes) I catch'd it before I was 
 
 borl (sneezes) 
 
12 ACTOH OK ALL WORK. 
 
 Vel. Indeed ! that was early in life to have you* 
 calamities bc^in ; how did it happen ? 
 
 Stit*F. Why, niv mother catchM cold (sneezes) 
 sroilg to see the immorlai Mr. Garrick, dead aid 
 « leceased, pi ay — [sneezes) 
 
 Vet. Well, I wish you would enter upon the case 
 at once, and open your business, lor I'm in a hurry. 
 
 Sluffl (Opening hi* snuff-box.) There I have 
 opeled my (sneezes) box — aid it will clear my 
 head — 
 
 Vet. Of stupidity I hope ; — I believe snuff is 
 sometimes of service that way. 
 
 Stuff'. Yes ; will you take some ? (offering his 
 box,) it may do you a deal of — (sneezes) good.— 
 The immortal Mr. Garrick sometimes (sneezes) 
 
 Vcl. Damn the fellow ; tell me at once, what; 
 line of characters you wish to engage for — trage- 
 dy ? 
 
 Stuff. Lo ; I could do (sneezes) tragedy, but 
 whel I attempt to raise my voice, (sneezes) squeak 
 so I caPt {sneezes) be heard. 
 
 Vet. Can vou sin"- ? 
 
 Stuff. Yes, very well, oily lor two thiJgs. 
 
 Vet. Well pray, what are they ? 
 
 Stuff. Walt of ear and wait of voice, (sneezes) 
 
 Vel. Why to be sure, they are formidable ob- 
 jections ; then how is it for comedy ? Harlequin 
 and opera dancing is out of the question. 
 
 Stiff. (Sneezes.) Why, comedy 1 despise, aid 
 buflfoolry is beleath my lotice. (Sneezes.) 
 
 Vel. Wliat the Devil would you engage for, 
 then, if neither tragedy, comedy, nor opera suits 
 you ? 
 
 Stuff. Why, as a (sneeze*) prompter* 
 
 Vcl. A prompter ! 
 
ACTOR OF ALL WORK^ 13 
 
 Stuff. Yes, Sir, lature has fitted me for a 
 promoter, (sneeses. ) 
 
 Vci. Nature fitted you for a prompter ! how, 
 pray ? 
 
 Stuff. Why <!oi*t you see how I squiit. 
 
 Vit. Sqriift ! ha, ha, 1 ace you squint enough, 
 ill aii ambience ; but pray what has that tu iio ^ 
 wit Si prompting ? 
 
 Stuff* Ah! 1 see the art has heel lost ever 
 slice li.e immortal Mr. Gat rick, dead aid deceas- 
 64, is pole ; why, pray, ulless a mal squilts, how 
 cai lie Keep ole eye ol the hook aid the other d 
 the players ? 
 
 Yd. Ha ! ha .' upon my word, I never thought 
 ©f that, ha ! ha 1 but pray Mr. Stuffy, have )ou 
 any other extraordinary qualification with which 
 «Lme nature has furnishM yon ? 
 
 Stuff. Yes, 1 (meizes) have a mouth. 
 
 ) iL A mouth ! why how could a prompter 
 possibly do without a mouth to speak with ? what 
 ctthei organ of communication can there possibly 
 he hetwecu the prompter and the player? 
 
 Sli'jj. Wh, there is lo use for a prompter to 
 (snc(Zis) bawl ami squall so (hat the audielce ca! 
 hear. The immortal Mr. Garritk. dead a!d de- 
 ceased, hv< r would let a prompter [sneezes) speak. 
 
 iel. No ! why, pray, how did he manage, then P 
 
 Stiff. Why wbel 1 was prompter (ttnetsse-s) 
 ulder the immortal Mr. Garrjck, dead aid de- 
 ceased, I did it all hv (snetzes^. moliol. 
 
 Vel. I3y motion ! 
 
 Stiff' Yes, Sir, (tntiteses) by motiols, thus - ; * Low 
 is the witchilg time ol" ji^lu" [sneeSes) 
 
 iel. Oh, aye, vi Now is the witching time of 
 
1 ACTOR 07 ALL WORK. 
 
 r.ight, when church-yards yawn, and goblin's 
 idamn the si«>ht." 
 
 Stuff*, Very well, {sneezes) very well, u<lee<1 ; 
 
 but low, (sneezes) low suppose (he actor (,sn4eseft) 
 waited the word yawl, thel I would (yawns) 
 [sneezes) that does better thai bawling out yawJ I 
 (sneezes) 
 
 Vel. Hal ha! ha! If yawning would rmsTrcr. 
 I am afraid most audiences would frequently sup- 
 ply the place of prompter. 
 
 Stuff. You see 1 have talelts that are — (swrezrs) 
 
 Vet. Not to be sneezed at, you mean to say. 
 
 Stuff. Well Sir, you had beiUr slap me up. 
 {sneezes) 
 
 Vel. Snap you up', I suppose you mem ? 
 
 Sti'ff I said so; I said slap me up. [sneezes'. 
 
 Vel. Well, well, call in upon me to-morroe,', 
 and 1 will oive you an answer. 
 
 SUtj'. Well, (going) but (sneezes) you had bel- 
 ter siap me up low, (at the deer) (yncezes) you 
 had better slap mc up low, you will fever see 
 my like agaii. 
 
 I el. No. that I never shall, I'll fee bound. [&si($i 
 Call to-morrow, call to-morrow. 
 
 Steffi. You had better slap me up low ; (sivcizcs 
 the immortal Mr. Garrick— [Kcit, twang. 
 
 Vel. Well, I do not know that I ran do betfc i 
 than engine this Malhew Stuffy ; he seems U» 
 hjvea high veneration for the £reat Garrick. 
 
 Enter Multiple, as French Tragedian. (WaUca 
 round Ike stage, while Vehnspeck stands ?« the, 
 front corner staring at him, who ah last mcvts 
 no as to meet .Frenchman.) 
 
 French. (Making a low bow.) Serviteur, mon- 
 sieur. 
 
ACTOR ORAI/L WORK. ^° 
 
 Vel Good day, sir ; what is your pleasure ? 
 
 Frtnch. Sare, 1 want Monsieur le Dnecteur 
 de theatre ; are you she ? 
 
 r«l fi?w - r Oh, yes, 1 am indeed literally di- 
 rector of the theatre, having nothing else but the 
 walls and scenery to direct ; lor 1 have no per- 
 formers. „ ' , . . ,, 
 
 trench. N'mporte. [Here Multiple* as {lit 
 Frenchman, informs the manager that he is a tra- 
 gedian, and will enable him to roll iU silver and 
 
 gold.] 
 
 Vel. Indeed ! how, pray ? 
 French. [By violent gesticulation, mimics 
 various musical instruments, and advises the man- 
 ager to give concerts gratis. J 
 
 Vel. Give concerts gratis ! and how will tint 
 make me roil in silver and gold ? • 
 
 French. [Intimates that he Will give recita- 
 tions, for which the audience will pay, and have 
 the concert for nothing ] 
 
 Vet 01), 1 understand ;— a good idea : so you 
 mean that, under the idea of attending a concert 
 gratis, an audience will be induced to pay lor 
 lieario" vou recite, and then we are logo snacks : 
 
 French* Snakfs ! I do not understand uat 
 snakes:— what you mean by snakes ? 
 
 y ( l Why that we shall divide the money. 
 
 French. A ha! me understand ;— you mean 
 so hnwris) so Lsal have two snakes and ) on one 
 
 snakes, ha t 
 
 Vel Exactly ; is) this country, talents are en- 
 roura-ed; distinguished foreigners are certain 
 of meeting with support; hire, it is the artist 
 that is looked at, not his country ;— but sir, will 
 you Please to give me some specimens oi your 
 
16 ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 
 
 talmas ; — some example of your manner in reci- 
 tal ions. 
 
 French. (Appears with difficulty to compre- 
 hend the man ajrer's meaning ; at length he prc- 
 tpnds to understand, and agrees to recite a 
 Speech.] 
 
 Vel. What pl?y will you select a speech from ? 
 
 French. Hamla. 
 
 Vel. Hamla ! you mean Hamlet, Hamlet. 
 
 French. No:i ; Hamla, it is. 
 
 Vel. Why, 1 should know ; we have the play} 
 it was written by my great countryman Shak- 
 pcare. 
 
 French. Non, non; he did take it from Ducis. 
 Ducis did write it. 
 
 Vet. Well, hare it your own way. 
 
 French. I will give you one speech from Du- 
 cis' Hamla. 
 
 Vel. Hamlet. 
 
 French. Nou ; Hamlet for you — Hamla for 
 me. 
 
 Vet. Weil, well ; go on. 
 
 French. [Informs the manaa^v that after he 
 has recited he shall abruptly leave him, and call 
 again ; he then askos the manager if he has an 
 urn. The manager brings on a tea-urn. j 
 
 French. O sacra ! mon Dieu ! what is that ? 
 yon make breakfast ? 
 
 Vet. Did yon not ask me for an urn ? {throws 
 a piece of crape over it.) 
 
 French Hon. [([limitation of Talma.gives afew 
 lines from Hamlet, the purport of which is ' Sombre 
 and dismal urn, which contains the ashrs of my 
 father ! Oh heaven \ how mv heart bleeds ! — 
 Jiut it inspires me with vengeance^' &c. [Exit. 
 
ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 1 7 
 
 Enter Multiple, as Scrawky, running in as 
 
 jmrsucd, with a bundle under his arm. Thro 7 
 
 the whole of this scene Scrawky speaks with a 
 
 strong Northumbrian dialect, which displays 
 
 wndcrful powers of imitation, speaking as if 
 
 he had a burr in his throat, and very quick. 
 
 Scratv. {Almost out of breath, with an awk" 
 v&rd bow.) Are yees llie manager of the play- 
 house ? 
 
 Vel. Yes, sir, I am, and who are you ? 
 
 bcraw. I am a young nion with a strong pro- 
 »f easily, (looking round anxiously,) — I hope (hey 
 won't catch me — a great ideer for tiie stage ; I 
 plat the lovely Monimia — 
 
 Vel. Ila, ha, you look very like the lovely 
 Mommia, indeed ! but who are you, and what do 
 jott want ? 
 
 Seraw. I come fra Northumberland, and I 
 Iceve with mv mother's brother ? 
 
 Vet. And who is he, pray r 
 
 £craiv. He is my uuckle. 
 
 Vel. Indeed ! why, I should have guessed as 
 much ; but what is your name, and what is his 
 r.nnie ? 
 
 Scram. My name h Robin Scrawky, and my 
 itiTtrklc is Andrew M'Sillergrip, and is a vera 
 ::\ eel nif i 'chant, and deeis in a vareety of articles ; 
 —watchefe and clothes, rings ami books, images 
 and wigs-, sword? and plate dishes, and evera thing 
 Tees can meentshua and think of, and he gees a 
 i :t of money Ml tha folks comes and takes em 
 in — and he Jeeves at the three baits — 
 
 Vel. Oh ! what, he is a pawnbroker ? 
 
 Scr/rai, Ees, and he tak me preutis till him to 
 kei'i: his art and mecsterv, but I want, to be a 
 
 b2 
 
IS ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 
 
 play actor ; I plsyM Octavian once, to the great 
 delect of tire audience, but not of my unckle, wbti 
 threeten'd to persecute the manager. "Ob! 
 Fiowanthe, Flowauthe P 
 
 Vel. Well- but what (\o you want with ore ? 
 
 Scratv. I wush yees to hide ma from ma unck- 
 le ; if he comes after ma tn seek ma. Oh dear, 
 Oh dew, I hope he will noWiml me. 
 
 Vel. Well, you can go up stairs, you will find 
 a back staircase also, by which you can make 
 your escape if necessary. Bat how am I to 
 know your uncle ? 
 
 Scratv. If uuckle comes, yees will easily know 
 him by his strong, braid, abomVneeble Scotch ac- 
 cent ; he has not ta'en truble to polish hfesel 
 like ma, having no tateeuts for the-stage. V Oh, 
 Flowauthe, Flowauthe."* [Exit with his bun? 
 die up stairs, when directly he is scot cntei ing Ike 
 room above, where he changes his dress to repre- 
 sent his uncle, but before he brains, he says in 
 his natural voice, as Multiple, Now I'll iii?«uise 
 myself and go before him in the dtararter of my 
 uncle; but while I change my dress, I'd deceive 
 him by spouting, (loud) Ob ! Fiow'anihe I'lo- 
 wanthe, &&. (spduting from Octavicui, whik 
 changing dress. Meanwhile Veicuspeck below, 
 after listening some time, sits down. 
 
 Vet. I do not hear any body coming, I may a r 
 well answer PennyJess' loiter. (Scraivkie stitt 
 spouting above) He seems to have forgot hi- 
 fright and is rehearsing Octavian in the Men:: 
 taineers. 
 
 {Scrawky above, " Out bauble, let me kiss 
 time, sweet Flowanthe !' ; 
 
 VeL Curse the bwbv f what a Boise ke makes 
 
 » * * 
 
ACTOR OF ALL WORK. ]0 
 
 up there, I cannot write lor him, — [Scnrnft ext| 
 from above. 
 
 Enter bchiv, Multiple as M'Sillergrip, 
 in a great pa.sxicn. 
 
 Sil. I have come after a silly Leon of a fallow 
 that has e?capeet fin me a preeutis, am! 1 am 
 judging I've just cam to the reecht place to fin 
 him ; far hees just wud to ack heer in thir show 
 of yours; but I weel ha him oot of sic lik paw- 
 keries— 
 
 Yet. Sir, I am not answerable for the young 
 Riaii's taste- 
 s'. Taste ! Hoot awa, mou, \\V yer taste. 1 
 'am a greet Merrhan and leeves just at ihe conn r 
 ol" ae street, and just lets people bay siiler in 
 rher nfied, by leaving some of ther warldly geer 
 villi me, and am the cheiTs unckel forbye — 
 IV/, Oh i i see; you area pawn-brokfr. 
 Sit. And ye are a jvionagff.r, as ye ca' jerc- 
 gel ; and is not a pmvu-brokerjust as good, and a 
 ween bit Letter, til a RKvnageer, wha wants to keep 
 a decent mon fra his lawful apreentis? I wud haav 
 re to ken that] am-dfcended Era an anceent fami- 
 ly , \\ ha for generations bolt — 
 
 Yd, Stop, sir, stop ; I do not want to hear 
 your pedigree, for it would take loo lenj: for a 
 Scotch wasuej' woman to trace her pedigree; ha! 
 la ! 
 
 Sil. Thru, Fir, I weuhl.jnst inftll intil ye that 
 i could buy and seel ye ou.i ; sic a moungeer ! 
 f «./. Sir, I would have you know — 
 Sil. Hool awa, hoot awa, with yer gibberish, 
 er attempt to scrawn yer gibberish on me, 
 •/. Gibberish; sir? 
 
20 ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 
 
 Sil- Yes, gibberish ; just gibberish — so give 
 me my apprcentis. 
 
 Vel. I am not accountable for your apprentice; 
 but why did you not take care that he did uot es- 
 cape ? 
 
 Sil. I was just on the point of sending him to 
 Holland, for the benefeet of the saut water, for 
 he"s just wud red mad. I catchet him t'other 
 day booing to the images, aud caaing 'em right 
 
 reverent Seniors, and approvut glide masters 
 
 then he was gritting aboot his father's ghaist— 
 
 Vel. Oh, then he was Hamlet, I suppose. 
 
 Sil. Homlct ! I never heard of that chiel be* 
 fore — but my nevew wad, na doot. 
 
 Vel. Well, but I am afraid you have not taken 
 proper meaus with him, and treated him with pa- 
 ternal kindness. 
 
 Sil. I' have done every thing for him, and treat- 
 ed him with marks of affection ; — why when he 
 has beet! oot on his cantrips, I have locket him 
 oot of the hoos, and gard him bide in the street 
 allneecht. — I have gard him sleep on the bare 
 boords all neecht.— I have flogg'd him within the 
 inch of his life. — I have — 
 
 Vel. Why that was a striking way of showing 
 him mark'd attention, indeed — 
 
 Sil. Yes, yes ; well if you will not gi him up, 
 Mrs. M'Sillergrip will be here. 
 
 Vel. And what the devil do I care for Mrs. 
 M'Sillergrip? 
 
 Sil. Car for her ! She'll gar ye car for her ; 
 he has been watchet into this hoos, and when 
 she comes, she'll give you siccan a dirll wi' he: 
 tongue she'll gar the vera hair to start fra ycr 
 
ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 21 
 
 heed; she'll talk to you; she's gat slccan a 
 tongue — 
 
 Vel. That 1 suppose you had rather she had 
 ran away instead of your apprentice ; but step 
 tip stairs and you will find such a one as you.de- 
 scribe. 
 
 Sit. I'll find him I warrant me. [Exit. 
 
 (In a moment voices are heard as on the stairs* 
 from M'Sillcrgrip and Scran ky, alternately 
 and quick.) 
 
 Scraw. Oh ! my prophetic Bawl, my unckle. 
 
 Sit. [healing him.) I'll teach you to spout, 
 you rascal. 
 
 Scraw. Oh Unckle. Unckle, don't wallop me^ 
 don't, wallop me; Oh ! Oh ! [great confusion.) 
 
 Vel. He has found him, I hear, and giving him 
 pome more striking marks of his paternal affec- 
 tion. 
 
 Enter Multiple as Mns. M'Sitj.ergrip. 
 
 Vel. Mercy on me, who have we here ? 
 
 Airs: S. (In a shrill voice) Oh yon abomina- 
 ble man ! I know yon. Ah! Oh! \h (squeals) 
 
 Vel. Let me assure you madam, I — J [advanc- 
 ij}sc towards her.) 
 
 Mrs. S. [Screams.) Keep oflf, keep off; no 
 man shall touch uif ; I know von, I know yon ; 
 where is Mr. M'SHlergrip ? I shall faint, {Vel. 
 advancing) keep olf, keep off* ; I can faint without 
 your help. 
 
 Veh The person you arc enquiring for — (ap- 
 proaching her) 
 
 Mrs. S. (Screams violently.) Ah ! Oh ! Iceep 
 off, keep off; [striking him with her fan) I know 
 
22 ACTOR OF ALL WORK. 
 
 you, you ought to be lash'd thro' the town. Oh ! 
 Ah 1 {screaming) t 
 
 Vel. In the room up stairs, madam, you will 
 find the objects of your search. 
 
 Mrs. S. It will be well for you if I do— keep 
 off, keep off; I alwajs carry my point- 
 
 Vel (Rubbing his face.) Yes, 1 know you 
 do ; but, my dear madam, (advancing) \ 
 
 Mrs. S. Keep off; no female is safe in your 
 company ; keep oi r , keep off, I know you. 
 
 [Exit as up stairs. 
 
 The voices of all three are now heard, almost 
 speaking together, in altercation, till they die 
 rradualhj away. When immediately enter a 
 
 Multiple as a Drunken Coachman. 
 
 Coach. I say mis, mis, mister, where's the 
 Scotch folks as* I dr, dr, drove from Dover I / 
 
 Vel. 1 know nothing about them, pray what d(v 
 vou want with 'em ? 
 
 Coach. V;v I be the job that drove them to 
 ihis here pi," pi place, do you see ; and if so be 
 they arnt here, vy I can't t, t, take them back— 
 but I set them down here, so I look to you for 
 n ,y nay — so I'll go and get a glass and be back 
 
 directly. 
 
 Vel. You look like a job that is pretty near J 
 
 done ; vou have had a £lass too much already. 
 
 Coach. Yes,I be a Glass Coachman,and I have 
 
 a li'ghi l0 tu ' ie as man y K iasses as * P ieaso - 
 
 Vel. Well, the persons you seek are up stairs, 
 
 and I will go and brims them. 
 
 Coach. Do, I'll just sit me down till they come. 
 [Exit Vel. and returns immedmiefy. 
 
ACTOR OP ALL 'MOMS* 1 2J 
 
 ^o 
 
 ra. They are not there ; they must have gene 
 cut of the hack floor. 
 
 Coach. Then you must pay me. 
 
 Vet. I pay you ! what claim have you upon 
 me for payment ? I knew nothing about them ; 
 they have departed very suddenly. 
 
 Coach. Then I suppose you would like to see 
 them, wou'd you not ? 
 
 Vel, Why yes, I must confess 1 should. 
 
 Coach, Why then you shall (throws off' his 
 great coal and large hat, miperccived h\j Vel. and 
 appear* as Mrs. M' SiUergrip.) 
 
 Mrs. S. Keep oft', keep cF, {squeaking^) I 
 know you. Oh ! Oh ! 
 
 Vel. Mrs. M'SSilergtfp i ! in propria persona, 
 as 1 live ! 
 
 (Multiple then throws off the long cloak am! cap, 
 
 Ac of Mrs*. M 7 Sil. and appears as Mr. M'bil* 
 
 ler grift.) 
 
 Si I Now, sir, do you menu to give up my ne- 
 phew or rot, si;-, do yon ken me ? 
 
 Vet. What ! you Mrs. M'SHteirgrip and Mr, 
 M'Sitfergrip ?•— why I suppose you ate Robin 
 Scrawky, and the Frenchman, and — 
 
 Mid. Yps sir, and Mat hew Stuffy too ; (here 
 throws off the disguise of Mr. M'SiUergrip and 
 
 appears as Scratvlv.") 
 f i 
 Scraw. i nave a strong prepenseefy for the 
 
 Ftase, <; Oh Flowanriie, Flowanthe," S:c. &c. 
 
 (He they quickly change* (o French Tragedian 
 
 French, N'mporte : Hamlet for you, llamla 
 for nx.v 
 
24 
 
 y 
 
 ACTOlTOF all -wonifc. 
 
 (Changes to Malhew Stuffy.) 
 
 Stuff. Do you lot see how I squilt, I klevv the 
 immortal Mr. Garnet, dead aid deceased, you 
 had better slap me up. 
 
 Vel. Amazement! But who t3ie Devil are you, 
 in reality ? 
 
 Mul. (changing to his proper character.) Do 
 you remember this letter, sir ; (showing a Utter) 
 
 Vd. Yes, sir. 
 
 Mat Did you write that letter? 
 
 Vet, I did, sir, I confess. 
 
 Mul. And I am Mr. Multiple to whom that 
 letter is addressed — Will you ensajre me nuw ? 
 
 Vel. Yes. my fiieud, and on your own terms. 
 
 (Shakes hands _ 
 
 Mul. I have taken this method to have y«sw 
 and tliis audience's opinion (hinting to the a: 
 ence) whether I am or not 
 
 ' AX ACTOR OF ALL WORK, 
 
 and shall always he happy to receive such 
 ward as they think I merit. 
 
 Fi 
 
 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 014 434 665 8 # 
 
\ 
 
 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 014 434 665 8