19203 No. S4 1 Gold Bricks Dialog for 8 male and 2 female characters No plays exchanged Ist Edition ANTIGO PUBLISHING CO. Antigo, Wis. Copyright 1920 by Antigo Publishing Co. No. 54 Gold Bricks Dialog for 3 male and 2 female characters No plays exchanged 1st Edition ANTIGO PUBLISHIXG CO. Antigo, Wis. Copyright 1920 by Antigo Publishing Co. GOLD BRICKS' ^^jp.0^ Cast of Characters: Geo. Gary, supposed lord of the house. Mrs. Gary, real lord of the house. eTohn Gary, a never-do-good of the house. Gertie Gary, a young lady of the house an- ticipating a rich cousin. Fred Hamp, the greatest fraud in the world. Scene:- Room at Gary's, chairs, an old rocker, a wornout valise, filled with old nails and other sounding rubbish, bills which re- semble Greenbacks (money). Provide for Fred Hamp an old pipe and a new suit. Geo. Gary carries a cigar in his vest pocket. Mrs. Gary darns an old stocking, Geo. Gary and Fred Hamp should be of the same size and build. MAR 19 1921; ©GI.D 571 7^5 GOLD BRICKS (Rather happy familj^ gathering at Gary's. Ga- ry reads newspaper. Mrs. Gary darns wool- en stocking. John lounges in rocker.) Gary (looking up from paper, reprimanding John.) How are you sitting in that rocker, John? Where did you acquire those man- ners? S'pose you came home late last night? John (soothingly). Last night? It was this morning, dear pa. Mrs. Gary. Shame on you, John. I am afraid you will be a never-do-good and will bring disgrace on your mother's head. Gertie (enters, gaily). Did you hear the news? Emil House came home last night, quite un- expectedly, too. Gary. What, that young deadbeat and dare- devil? Mrs. Gary, Hasn't he been in Alaska for a while? Gertie. To be sure, and brought back a whole bag fall of gold bricks. John (awakening to agility). Now that's just like Emil, running away from home and re- turning with gold bricks. I must go over 4 and welcome him home. Maybe he'll give me a brick or two. Gary. How big is the value? . Gertie. They say twenty thousand dollars. Oooof ! Just think of that for a while. Yes, 'tis just as I've been saying times and again, some parents reap joy and happiness of their crop of children. My crop has been a source of worry and vexation to me. John. There. Now we are getting it again. Mrs. Gary. Be still, every one of you. Don't start a row while I am in here . . I only do wish we had a relative who would come to us laden with gold bricks. Everybody seems to have an uncle or an aunt with a fortune who leaves them money, only we haven't. Gary. What are you talking about. We'*have got a rich relative. John. Who is it, pa? Gary. It is my cousin Fred Hamp the ragga- muffin and good-for-nothing scamp. He al- ways hated to do honest work but would idle time away in saloons and other places with loose morals until his credit was gone. Sud- denly he vanished from sight — just at the time when gold was discovered in Alaska and everybody got wild over it. It was said he had went there. Nothing^ was ever heard of him since. John. Hurrah! I wish. he'd come back as a mil- lionaire and make me his heir. I'd buy a Pierce- Arrow car the next day and take life easy. Gertie. Now, John, to hear you talk like that! So far you've done nothing' but to take life easy. John. Easy, Gertie. You're getting jealous of my riches, that's all. But I'll give you a ride in my Pierce- Arrow. Gertie. Think I'd rid^ with you ? You musn't believe that everybody falls in love with you at first sight as you're doing with yourself. eTohn. Silly goose that you are, Gertie, Have you ever seen me standing before the mirror for two hours frizzling my frizzles? Mrs. Gary. Silence! I want no biting or back- biting in this house. Shame on you two who are always snapping at each other like dog and cat. Give us a rest, will you (doorbell sounds) .... There, somebody is at the door. Go, look and see. Gary (goes to door and beholds Fred Hamp, dressed almost in rags, holding a wornout valise in his hand). What do you want here? We never give anything to beggars. Hurry away this instant or ... . 6 Fred (has entered and extends hand towards Gary, very light-heartedly). How are you, cousin Gary ? Don't you know me any more ? And to think how many good drinks we used to have together at the Owls-Nest saloon years ago. Have you forgotten the happy meetings at the old hangout? I am Fred Hamp, you must know. Gary (embarrassedly). Well, how in the world . . . You cousin Fred ? . . . Yes, you are, I see it now. Well, you do not seem to have struck it rich in Alaska, have you ? (closes door). Fred. Haw! Haw! That's very good, indeed. Gary. Well, what's your object now? Fred. I thought I might stay with you people for a while, while I am finding a suitable par- ty to take me in. Gary. I should say not. Do you expect me to take in every tramp that happens along? Gertie. John, I thought you wanted to be heir to this man's riches. You better provide for him. John. Silly goose, get out. Gary. No, Fred I am real sorry, but we have no room for you. Sorry to turn you out, old pal. Fred. Well, that much I'll admit, you're not taking kindly to your cousin. Nobody has offered a hand of welcome to me and that 3^oung crop of yours passing remarks on me . . . Well, if you don't care for your cousin, he must try his luck at some other place. But I s'pose I can leave my valise here for a while, it's so awful heavy. Mrs. Gary. You may put it outside. Fred (drops valise, thereby causing nails and rubbish to clink and clatter). Garry Aaah! Mrs. Gary John Gertie Mrs. Gary (very polite and accommodatingly). As 1 said before, dear cousin Fred, our home is not very roomy, but Gertie will be pleased to turn her room over to you for a while. Gertie (very polite). I certainly will. Gary (anxious to please). What are you still standing at the door for, cousin Fred? John, get up and let cousin Fred have the rocker. John (rising). Sure, here it is, cousin Fred. Be seated and feel comfortable. Gertie (whispering loudly). Ma, don't you think our cousin looks very distinguished — very much like a captain of industry or some- thing similar. Fred (sitting in rocker). What a handsome girl you're having, Gary. Come here, Gertie, and give me your glad hand. Gertie (extending hand). Cousin Fred, I am so glad to meet you. Hope you'll enjoy your stay with us. Mrs. Gary (eiideavoring to make up for rude behavior). We were so much surprised when you came in, cousin Fred, but now I bid you a" cordial welcome (extends hand) and hope you will make it a long stay with us. Make yourself perfectly at home, cousin Fred. Fred (putting feet on chair). Thank you, I'll do so at once. Gertie. Oh, how original! Fred (draws old pipe from pocket). Have you got some tobacker, Gary? Mrs. Gary. Now, Mr. Gary, you forgot to of- fer your cousin a cigar. Gary. Pardon me, cousin, for neglecting you. I have not yet fully recovered from my sur- prise (draws cigar from vest pocket). Here, smoke a cigar (draws match from vest pocket and strikes it). Here's a light. . . . Now let us hear how you struck it in Alaska. Hard work, 1 guess, eh? Fred. Hard work all right enough, but one 9 doesn't mind it if one gets something- for it in return (kicks valise and sets it rattling.) Gary John I ^^'^^- (startle and move up QqyUq closer to valise, John. Did you meet a friend of mine over there, cousin ? Fred. That may be. How's his name? John. Eniil House is his name. Only last night he returned from over there. Fred. Emil House? Sure I know him. We both dug together for a while. Mrs. Gary. I suppose he struck it rich, too? Fred. Ah — pah! I was told he left with only twenty thousand in his possession. That's nothing. There are others who have better luck (kicks valise). Gary Aaah! (move closer to valise) Mrs. Gary John Gertie Gary (enthusedly). Let me tell you something, cousin Fred: — Make yourself ready for a long stay with us, for we won't let you go so soon. Fred (meditatively). Well, I don't know . . . I've got so much business to attend to ... . 10 and I am ashamed to sit here with my old clothes on. But in leaving- over there I had to rush for the boat or sit there for two months more with nothing on my hands to do; so didn't find time to buy a new suit of clothes for the journey. And at this time the shops here are all closed, I fear. And tomorrow is Sunday. Really I don't know what to do. Mrs. Gary. If it is only that, we can fix you out, cousin Fred. Mr. Gary got his new suit just this forenoon and he will be more than glad to let you have it. Both of you are of the same build, I think it will fit you. Gary. Most certainly, cousin Fred, not only my new suit, my entire house is also at your disposition. Fred. Thank you, Gary, you're very accom- modating, I see. I'll surely make things right with you some day (kicks valise). All others (as before.) Ah! Mrs. Gary, Now that reminds me — Gertie, go and look after the fire in the stove. Cousin Fred hasn't been offered a morsel to eat, I am ashamed to admit. Gertie (exit). Fred. A peach of. a girl you're having- there, Gary .... good to look at. n Mrs. Gary. Yes, that's what others have been saying about her. But her outer appearance counts for nothing if her character were fail- ing. Gertie is mild-mannered, soft-hearted, industrious, economic, modest, and has re- ceived a very good education, even tho I, her mother, am sayingr it. He whoever gets Ger- tie for a wife gets a real gem, I assure you. Fred. And a gem ought to be set in gold (kicks valise). All others (as before). Ah! Fred. Well, Gary, I think I shall be bold enough to accept your kind permission and change my clothes. Where is your new suit? Gary. Just walk right into this room, you'll find everything on the bed and bodywear you'll find in the drawer of the chiffonaire. Fred (rises and takes valise). John (jumping up). Shall 1 help you carry it, uncle? It appears to be quite heavy. Gary. Let me help you, cousin, you may sprain your shoulder. Fred. Very much obliged to you both, you are very kind, I'm sare, but I'll take care of it myself (exit with valise). John (rubbing hands). Hurrah. Now we too got a rich uncle to leave us a fortune when 12 he dies. I am well off now. What a nice fellow he is! I wonder if it wouldn't be out of the way to ask him for a loan right away. Gary. Don't you dare. I have got the first chance to ask him for a loan. Mrs. Gary. Go slow, Gary. Don't make him think you are after his fortune. And he surely likes Gertie, the lucky girl. Gary. I have noticed that, too. Mrs. Gary. And he'll surely marry her, mark what I sa'y, Gertie will be his wife. I won- der what Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Green will say when they hear this. Most likely they'll split of envy. Gary. Sssh! Not so loud. .. . Wonder how big his fortune is. Mrs. Gary. Didn't you hear him tell us that Emil House's twenty thousand weren't a big pile of money? I think he has got at least hundred thousand. Now I must get a new hat, I can't wait any longer. I think I'll buy one next Monday. Gary' All right, go and buy it.... And to think that we were at the point of almost kicking him out. . . . with his gold bricks in his old valise! How foolish we acted! Mrs. Gary. Well, luckily, I was the one who had sense enough to invite him to stay. Now 13 we've got him and I'm b«nind to keep him .... I am afraid the rest of our" relation will lay their traps to catch him, when they hear about his gold bricks. For their love of money will make 'em do any sort of mischief. So we must look out for them . . . Let us bind him onto us by the bonds of love and polite- ness. Always be good to him and give him anything he may want. Always make him feel comfortable and call him dear cousin, or dear uncle. And now I'll make a nice supper for him for the way to the heart leads thru the stomach, they say. If we feed him well he'll like us for it and will probably make us a nice present when he marries our dear Ger- tie (exit). Gary. That reminds me. He always was fond of Swiss cheese when we chummed together. 1 guess I'll walk over to the store and get some. He may love me for it. You stay here, John, and do everything he tells you when he returns. Don't forget to be civil and accommodative (exit). John. I'll attend to that part of the game, don't be afraid. Fred (puts head thru door). John . . . John, listen. John. Yes, uncle, what is it? 14 Fred. I can't open the lock on my valise . It must have got a bump in the car and seems to be closed for good. I wonder if there is a locksmith in this town. John. There certainly is.. I'll go and get one right away for you (rises). Fred. Never mind, John. I see I must go up town myself and buy certain things that I need badly, and will find one to do the job. But the trouble is IVe got all my cash locked up in that valise and can't get at it now. John. If that's all your trouble, I can easily help you out, dear uncle. Happily my wa- ges were paid to me this afternoon (draws greenbacks from pocket). Here are twenty- five dollars (hands money thru door). Fred (taking money). Thanks, John, you are a goodhearted fellow and I'll remember you. Yes, this will help me out until I get that valise opened. John. There. I hear my mother calling me. Pardon me for just a moment, uncle, I must see what she wants (exit). Gary (enters right while Fred enters left at the same time. Fred in new suit). What, dressed up already? And how well you look in that new suit. Fred. Still I'm very unhappy, cousin Gary. Had bad luck. 15 Gary. Bad luck? You don't say so. What is it? Fred. Can't open that valise of mine where I got the remainder of my cash money in — can't get to the money, which, on account of the rush in leaving Alaska, I borrowed of a friend of mine just nine hundred dol- lars to pay my fare from Nome to this place and promised to send him a check for the amount as soon as I arrived here. I sup- pose there is a mail train leaving this place to-night. And the bank is closed and will be closed tomorrow also on account of Sunday. And now I can't open that fool of a lock. A nice predicament I am in, to be sure. Gary (soothingly). But my dear cousin, why so many words about a very plausible thing, which has oftentimes happened to me and I always found a friend to help me out (draws bankbook from inner coat pocket and hands forward greenbacks). Here is the money. Everything I own to my name is yours for the asking. Fred (taking and pocketing money). I declare you are a peach of a cousin, Gary, and I shall remember this kindness of yours presently. Gary. Don't mention it. .. . Ah, I hear Mrs. Gary calling me. Just a moment, cousin 16 (goes to door, meets Gertie entering). Ah, here is Gertie and you won't be without com- pany until I come back (exit). Gertie. Why, uncle Fred, you are looking- good in that new suit. You've got such a gentle- manly appearance and will surely be the lion in society. Indeed, you look well. Fred. Glad to hear it, Gertie, but just right now I am not feeling very good about some- thing. When in there I wanted to take out some presents for you and found I couldn't open my valise, the lock is jammed or bumped or who knows what. Well, the presents may wait until I have it opened by a locksmith, but I must go up town and buy some duds I need, and all my surplus money is in that measly valise. That is what makes me feel bad about it. Gertie. Oh ... . that's nothing to feel bad about. Luckily I have just ten dollars to my name (draws loose money from pocket). Here they are. Wish I had more of it so I could lend it all to you. Fred. Ah, you are very kind, Gertie. Thank you, this will help me out until I get that valise open. And mind you, I surely will remember your kindness. Mrs. Gary (enters.) Oh, Gertie, excuse me. n dearie, but you are needed in the dining room (exit Gertie). Well, I declare, cousin Fred, you look like a prince in that suit of yours. Fred. I wish I could feel like a prince, but trouble follows me wherever I go. My valise is locked, lock won't open, got all my money in it, must buy something I need badly, and can't do it on account of that confounded val- ise. See how I am in it? Mrs. Gary (laughingly). Why, that's nothing (draws pocketbook from pocket). Here, take my purse and buy all you need. I only wish I could do more for you, Fred. Thank you, you are very kind. This will do me until I get that valise opened. Now I'll go and buy the things I need at once. Mrs. Gary. Goodby, cousin, but you must be back after thirty minutes. By that time supper will be ready (Fred exit). (Enter Gary, John, Gertie). Gary. Where is cousin Fred'^ Mrs. Gary. Just left for town. He will be back in thirty minutes. Gary (enthused). A human gold brick with a satchel full of gold bricks — eh? Mrs. Gary. I wish I could find out how much he's got. Now that he is gone. ... Gary. I'll get it (goes into adjoining room and 18 returns with valise). Here it is. But my, it is heavy (puts valise in center of stage, all group about it). He told me that the lock had jammed, but I think I can break it open with my pen-knife (draws pen-knife). Gertie. It always had such a gay tinkle when he kicked it (kicks valise). Ah! All others. Aaaah! Mrs. Gary (kicks valise). The goose that lays the golden eggs .... ah ! All others. Aaaah! John (kicks valise). Let me hear that tinkle . . ah! All others. Aaaah! Gary (prying lock open with knife). In spite of its ugly appearance I could kiss this old she-bang. Most likely nothing but gold eagles in it (valise falls apart, shows nails and iron rubbish to the audience.) All. What's this? nnils? Gary (aghast). Nails, nails, rail pins,screws and others - rubbish! Mrs. Gary. Oh dear, I am fainting. Somebody hold me (leans against wall) Gertie. Now, that infamous swindler! John. Nails? And to this man I gave all my cash! Gary. I too. Now I begin to see something . .. 19 We thought we were smart, but he was a good deal smarter. Gertie. And he took my last ten dollars with him. Mrs. Gary. And my last twenty-five. Gary. And this fool (hits his chest with fists) gave him hundreds of dollars. Mrs. Gary. And your new suit is gone, too I feel as tTiough all these beastly nails are pricking me in the head — John Well, anyhow, he knew how to nail us, every blessed one of us. Gary, Mrs. Gary, Gertie, John (all screaming, in mixup). Call the police! — To the police! — Before he can leave town — Set all the blood- hounds after him — Alarm the fire depart- ment — let everybody run after and catch the dog (^3ell-mell, while curtain drops). □a LIBRARY OF CONGRESS iilliliiiitllliillillilii 016 212 163 7