PN4291 .M625 Glass IP Al^M Book L_ Copyright N" coraraGHT DEPosm DIALOCyiS T-S* DenisonSrCompany Chicago DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. DRAMAS, COMEDIES, ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. M, F. Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 acts, 2% hrs (35c) 8 8 Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 2 hrs (35c) IS After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ hrs (25c) 1 9 All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (35c) 4 4 All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 254 hrs (35c) 6 10 And Home Came Ted, 3 acts, 2^ hrs (£0c) 6 6 Arizona Cowboy, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs (35c) 7 5 Assisted by Sadie, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (50c) 6 6 As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 2y2 hrs (35c) 9 7 At the End of the Rainbow, 3 acts, 214 hrs (35c) 6 14 Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. (25c) 17 Boy Scouts' Good Turn, 3 acts, \Va hrs (25c) 16 2 Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2 54 hrs (25c) 7 3 Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 7 4 Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 7 4 Call of the Colors, 2 acts, 1^ hrs (25c) 4 10 Call of Wohelo, 3 acts, 13/4 hrs (25c) 10 Camouflage of Shirley, 3 acts, 2H hrs (35c) 8 10 Civil Service, 3 acts, 2y^ hrs. (35c) 6 5 College Town, 3 acts, 2^ hrs (35c) 9 8 Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 214 hrs. (35c) 5 5 Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (3Sc) 6 4 Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs (25c) 8 4 Dream That Came True, 3 acts, 21/4 hrs (35c) 6 13 Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 Enchanted Wood, 1^ h.(35c).Optnl, Everyyouth, 3 acts, l^^ h. (25c) 7 6 Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 hrs (2Sc) 4 4 For the Love of Johnny, 3 acts, 214 hrs (50c) 6 3 Fun on the Podunk Limited, 11/2 hrs (30c) 9 14 Gettin' Acquainted, 25 min. (35c) 1 2 Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 arts, 2 hrs (35c) 3 5 M. f. High School Freshman, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 12 Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 Jayville Junction, ly^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 2Va hrs (35c) 10 9 Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs (35c) 6 12 Laughing (Ture, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. (35c) 4 5 Lighthouse Nan, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs (35c) 5 4 Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) • 7 4 Little Clodhopper, 3 acts, 2 hrs (35c) 3 4 Mirandy's Minstrels. , .. (30c) Optnl. Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 acts, 21/4 hrs (35c) 4 7 My Irish Rose, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. (35c) 6 6 Old Maid's Club, 1>4 hrs. (30c) 2 16 Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 8 6 Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 1^ hrs (30c) 12 9 On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 21^ hrs (25c) 10 4 Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 hrs (35c) 4 4 Prairie Rose. 4 acts, 2i4h.(35c) 7 4 Real Thing After All, 3 acts, 2^ hrs (35c) 7 9 Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2i/4 hrs (35c) 10 12 Ruth in a Rush, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs (35c) 5 7 Safety First,, 3 acts, 2^ hrs (35c) 5 5 Southern Cinderella, 3 acts. 2 hrs (30c) 7 Spark of Life, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 4 4 Spell of the Image, 3 acts. 2'/2 hrs (35c) 10 10 Star Bright, 3 acts, 2J4 h. (35c) 6 5 Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 6 4 Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2i/4 hrs (35c) 9 16 Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 7 4 . Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. (35c) 6 18 Trip to Storvland, 1 14 hrs.(25c) 17 23 Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 hrs (35c) 7 10 When Smith Stepped Out, 3 acts, 2 hrs (50c) 4 4 Whose Little Bride Are You? 3 acts, 2^ hrs (50c) 5 5 Winning Widow, 2 acts, 1}4 hrs. (25c) 2 4 T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St.. Chicago DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS FOR ALL AGES BY MARY L. MONAGHAN AUTHOR OF Dialogues for District Schools*' and '* Country School Dialogues** CHICAGO T. S. DENISON & COMPANY Publishers \^''^' '\r /*.. ;^t DIALOGUES FOR RURAL Sj^.{^$' \ .. COPYRIGHT. 1920 BY MARY L. MONAGHAN ©CI.A576204 Kvi^i VVwft t DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS CONTENTS PAGE All's Well That Ends Well (1 M, 5 F.) 27 Appearances Are Deceptive (6 F.) 22 Awkward Emma (2 M., 4 F.) 38 The City Cousin (6 F.) 100 Columbus and the Egg (4 M., 2 F.) ; 44 A Costly Joke (3 M., 4 F.) 11 The Dusky Heiress (6 M, 2 F.) 105 Each to His Trade (4 M., 2 F.) 48 Entertainments (3 M., 7 F.) 56 It's Easy to Cook (3 M., 1 F.) 60 John's Lucky Day (2 M., 2 F.) 67 Little Hypocrites (4 M., 7 F.) 71 Mamma Says (2 M., 4 R) 79 A Needed Lesson (1 M., 3 F.) 18 Once Too Often (2 M., 4 F.) 87 Our Set (2 M., 5 F.) 83 The Rehearsal (3 M., 4 F.) 92 A Slight Mistake (1 M., 3 F.) 5 Surplus Energy (3 M., 4 F.) 113 Their Regretted Agreement (5 M.) 96 Votes for Women (1 M., 7 F.) 116 Who Cut the Swing (6 M,, 1 F.) 124 (M., Male. F., Female) DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS TO THE TEACHER. The custom of closing the rural school with an enter- tainment has long been in vogue, and its popularity- does not seem to be waning. Other occasions, such as Thanksgiving and Washington's Birthday, are now also usually observed by having the pupils present a program. During the war many districts raised their quota of money for the Red Cross and other organi- zations by means of box suppers generally preceded by a few songs, recitations and dialogues from the chil- dren. This method will probably be continued for the purpose of procuring library books and other accesso- ries, as it appeals to both the pupils and parents. But while entertainments are held in high favor, and all concede the pleasure and benefit resulting from them, the teacher realizes the small amount of time which can be given to their preparation and the limitations of the little amateurs. These facts were held constantly in mind during the writing of this book. An effort was made to provide material easily learned and the cos- tumes and properties called for are those found in every home. Frequently boys and girls of the district who are no longer attending school wish to take part in the entertainment. Several dialogues are introduced which may prove suitable for them. The author sincerely trusts that "Dialogues for Rural Schools" will prove helpful to rural school teachers. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS A SLIGHT MISTAKE. CHARACTERS. Mrs. Leeman. Melissie Hopkins. Miss Aggie. Mr. Leeman. Scene : Living room. Discovered, Mrs. Leeman. Enter Miss Aggie. Mrs. Leeman. Well, Aggie, I thought you were going to stand at that telephone all afternoon and me just dying of curiosity. All I could hear was: "How dreadful!" "Isn't it awful!" "It won't be safe for the children!" "I'll be afraid to stir out of the house!" Whatever is the matter? A lion at large? Or another mad dog scare? Miss Aggie. Neither of those, but I don't know if it is not worse. It's a crazy woman at large. Mrs. Leeman. A crazy woman ! Where's she from? Isn't there anyone responsible for her? They ought to shut her up somewhere so she can do no harm. Miss Aggie. They'd be glad to — if they could find her. She broke away from her guards at the Junction. She had been working for the Kempers in Carterville. Mrs. Kemper brought her from the city the last time she was there. No one knows much about her. She began to act strangely and they were taking her to Fulton for observation. She became very violent and jumped from the train. By the time the guards had alighted, she had completely disappeared. They have been warning all the folks in the neighborhood. I'm going to lock the front door, and don't you think you had better call the children in, or at least see if they are in the yard? (Moves toward door.) 6 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mrs. Leeman {rising). Yes, I'll go tell them they must stay right by the house. Miss Aggie {screaming). Oh! Oh! Oh! Mrs. Leeman {hurrying to her side). What is it? Miss Aggie {leaning against Mrs. Leeman). Hold me! I'm going to faint. (Mrs. Leeman looks out of the window and also screams.) Mrs. Leeman. She's coming here ! {Pushes Miss Aggie away.) 1 can't hold you. I'm going to faint myself. {Drops into chair. Loud knock is heard.) Miss Aggie. We'll not let her in. Come with me and we'll lock the front door. Mrs. Leeman {rising). Yes, yes. Hurry or maybe she'll walk right in. {They move toward door. Mrs. Leeman stops and detains Miss Aggie.) No, no. We must let her in or she'll go 'round to the back and the children are there. Oh, hurry. Maybe she's started 'round already. {Much louder knock is heard.) No, she's still there. Oh, I'm frightened. {They open ^^ '^ Enter Melissie. Melissie {depositing suitcase on Hoor and throwing handbag on table, which is at back of stage). When they try to make a monkey out of Melissie Hopkins, they find themselves coming out the little end of the horn. {Takes seat. Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie stand close together behind table.) I couldn't stand them right from the start anyhow — talking about prize fighters and horse racing — no fit conversation for a lady to hear. I gave them a new subject, though. {Laughs loudly.) Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). I'm so glad she seems to be happy about it — if we can only keep her that way. Miss Aggie. But they're so changeable — the next minute she may be violent. Melissie {still laughing) . How they looked ! They never thought I'd do it. Mrs. Leeman. We must humor her. Agree to DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 7 everything she says. John will be home any minute now. Melissie {suddenly). Well, how many children? Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie. How many chil- dren? Melissie. Of course. Don't you know? Mrs. Leeman. Do you mean how many children in the family? Melissie. Sure. Fm not worrying about the neigh- bors. Let them tend to their own business, I say, and I'll tend to mine. Miss Aggie {to Mrs. Leeman). She seems to have adopted us. Mrs. Leeman, For heaven's sake, Aggie, don't try to joke. The situation is serious. {To Melissie.) There are five children in the family. Melissie. Five ? Well, that's all right. I like chil- dren and I'm used to them. Miss Aggie {aside). Gracious! She's going to stay with us. Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). Let's sit down. {They do so hut nervously on edge of chairs.) If we can just keep her talking peaceably. {To Melissie, pleasantly.) How many children were there at your last place? Melissie. Three hundred and sixty-five. (Miss Aggie laughs aloud — tries to pretend she was cough- ing.) Mrs. Leeman {shaking Miss Aggie). Behave your- self. What do you care no matter what she says? Miss Aggie. I couldn't help it. Melissie {coldly). The lady seems to think some- thing's funny. Miss Aggie {quickly). Oh, no! I — I — often have spells like this. Melissie {to Mrs. Leeman). You're the lady of the house, are you ? This other one's got no authority, has she? Miss Aggie {indignantly). I most certainly have. 8 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Melissie. You're the old maid aunt, I reckon. They are a regular nuisance around the house. Miss Aggie {still more indignantly). I'm not an old maid! Melissie {loudly). Eh? What? Mrs. Leeman {terrified, to Miss Aggie). Oh, give in to her, Aggie. What's the difference? {To Melis- sie.) Yes, she's my sister. She lives here with us and she's an old — (Miss Aggie glares at her) she's not married. Melissie. About fifty, I should say. Miss Aggie. I'm not. Mrs. Leeman {giving Miss Aggie a shove). Yes, she's fifty-one. (Miss Aggie very indignant.) Melissib. Now about the one with the fractured hip. (Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie very much as- tonished.) Mrs. Leeman. What! Miss Aggie {vindictively to Mrs. Leeman). I had to be the old maid to satisfy her. Suppose you take a tumble to provide the cripple. {Pushes Mrs. Lee- man slightly.) Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). Oh, Aggie, how can you? What shall we do? She'll get violent the minute she's not humored. Melissie. Well, I'm rested now. I'll go to see the patient and get everything started right. {Firmly.) You might as well understand, though, that I have my own way. I take orders from no one. {Rises and moves quickly toward table. Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie scream and put up hands as if to ward off as- sailant. Door opens.) Enter Mr. Leeman. Mrs. Leeman. Oh, John! John! You're just in time to save our lives. (Melissie is amazed.) Mr. Leeman. What's the matter? I expected to find somebody killed. Such screams! You'll have the neighbors in. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 9 Miss Aggie. John, she's crazy. Pick up a chair or something. Melissie (aside, growing indignant). Are they talking about me? Are they? Mr. Leeman. Were there two of them? Surely not. Mrs. Leeman. John, have they captured one crazy woman? Have we been making a mistake? Miss Aggie. This one is crazy, too. She said I was fifty years old. Mr. Leeman (aside). That's no sign she's crazy. Melissie (truculently). Say, what's all this talk about being crazy? (To Mrs. Leeman.) What makes you think I'm crazy? Mrs. Leeman (meekly). Well, when you first came in, you acted angry and then you laughed. Melissie (laughs). Oh, yes, I was sore at those fellows and then I had to laugh at how cheap they looked when I gave them a Httle instruction on how to behave, and knocked the cigarettes out of their mouths. I said I'd do it and I did it. Miss Aggie. But what fellows? The guards? Melissie (angry). Don't you let me hear you say "guards" again. (Miss Aggie frightened.) I mean those fellows running that auto bus I came up in from the Junction. Mr. Leeman. Oh, Bill Jones and Ed Brown. Say, they needed anything you handed them. Melissie. They wanted to overcharge me. I told them I wouldn't talk till they threw away their cigar- ettes. They got a little sassy then and I had to be firm with them. Mr. Leeman. Good! Good for you! Mrs. Leeman. But the three hundred and sixty- five children? Melissie. Oh, I worked last in an orphan asylum. But I cooked in one day for the poor little kids the supplies that should have lasted a week. I had a dis- pute with the head then and I left. 10 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mr. Leeman {aside). Wish I could have heard that dispute. Miss Aggie. But the fractured hip? Melissie. Well, it looks like you'd know it if you have some one in the house with a fractured hip. When Dr. Leeman engaged me — {turns to Mr. Leeman) Say, you're not the one who hired me at the employ- ment agency this morning. Miss Aggie {laughing). Of course he isn't. You came to the wrong house. This is Mr. Leeman the lawyer, not the doctor. Melissie {pondering). Do you think those fellows played a trick on me? Well, I dunno. Maybe I just said "Leeman's." Didn't think there might be two in the town. They could have asked me, though. Mrs. Leeman. You're going to work for Dr. Lee- man's ? Melissie. Yes. He was in the city this morning and came 'round to the agency and employed me. Miss Aggie {aside). Lizzie Leeman has met her match at last. Melissie. He said I looked as if I wouldn't leave every time his wife or sister-in-law discharged me. He said he had another sister-in-law who had been hurt. Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie and Mr. Leeman). Oh, of course— Isabelle. {To Melissie.) She was hurt in an auto accident. I wonder why we didn't re- alize you had come to the wrong house. Melissie {laughing) . You were too busy thinking I was crazy. Mrs. Leeman. I am so sorry. Melissie. Don't worry. I was beginning to think the same of you all. What did you holler for when I came over to get my handkerchief out of my handbag? {Picks up hag and takes out handkerchief.) Mrs. Leeman. We thought — we thought — Melissie {laughing). Thought I was going to get you, didn't you? DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 11 Mr. Leeman. I have to go past the doctor's. I'll take you up there. And I won't smoke on the way. Melissie. Why, that's real good of you. Mr. Leeman {to Mrs. Leeman). I'll be back in an hour or so. {Exit.) Melissie {picking up suitcase and handbag). Well, goodbye. I dunno 'bout Dr. Leeman's. I imagine the women folks up there are hard to get along with, but I'll try to be firm with them. {Exit.) Miss Aggie. She'll try to be firm with them. Try to! Lizzie Leeman is going to get the surprise of her life. I forgive Melissie for that mistake she made about my age, when I think of how she is going to set- tle those folks. Say, let's clean up the house this after- noon so we can go up there tomorrow to hear what they have to say about their new girl after she has been **firm" with them for a few hours. Curtain. A COSTLY JOKE. characters. Miss Etta. Roy. Miss Frances. Albert. Kate. May. Jerry. Other Pupils to form School. Scene: School room. Miss Etta entering room and glancing around. Miss Etta. I am so glad that everything looks nice and clean. George is really improving in his janitor work. Now, if the children will only be good while Aunt Fanny is here. {Goes L. to hang up hat. Drops hat and screams.) Oh, a mouse! A mouse! Oh, boys! Boys! {Rushes from room.) Enter Albert, Roy, Jerry, Kate and May. Girls stand at edge of stage and appear frightened. Boys, who have sticks, chase mouse {apparently), with ex- 12 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS clamations such as: "There it is!" ''Oh, I missed it!" ''Watch out, it's coming your way!" "Don't let it get out!" Albert (striking). Ah! I got it. (Holds up dead mouse previously placed on stage, then chases girls with it.) Roy. Hold on a minute, Albert. I've got a scheme. (They stop and listen.) Let's put the mouse in the teacher's desk. Jerry. Oh, yes, let's. She'll squeal fit to kill. It will be lots of fun. Kate. Don't do anything of the sort. Ifs mean. May. If you do, I'll tell her. Albert. Oh, it's just for fun. She won't get mad. Jerry. Give me that ribbon, May. I want to deco- rate the mouse. (Seises narrow red ribbon from May and ties it round neck of mouse. Boys laugh. Girls disapprove.) Albert. Now we'll hide it in her desk. Hurry! She'll be in in a minute. Roy. Put it in the chalk box. When she reaches for a piece she'll touch it. (Jerry does so.) Jerry. I'll put this piece of paper kind of over it a little ways, so she won't see it at once. (Does so.) Now, let's call her in. Kate. You boys are horrid. May. It's just a shame! Albert (going to door). Come on in. Miss Etta. We killed the mouse. Miss Etta re-enters. Miss Etta. Oh, did you really get it, boys? I'm so glad. I would have been nervous all day if I thought it were anywhere in the room. I'm not afraid of mice. (Pupils laugh.) I mean — I mean I'm not exactly afraid — but I — I — don't like them. (Looks at clock.) It's time for books now. (Pupils take seats.) Miss Etta rings bell Other pupils enter. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 13 Miss Etta. I am so glad that every pupil is pres- ent. My aunt, Miss Frances Manners, is going to visit the school today. She will be here soon. I had to hurry ahead as I was afraid I would be late. She is a former school teacher and I am going to ask her to hear some of your lessons ; that is, I am going to per- mit her to. She said to me, "I am afraid I won't seem natural to act as a visitor. Don't be surprised if you see me with a piece of chalk in my hand the minute I get in the room, and at the board conducting an arithmetic class." (Albert_, Roy and Jerry look ap- prehensive.) And I am specially glad you boys killed that mouse. Aunt Fanny abhors the ugly little crea- tures even worse than I do. It would spoil her whole day to see one. She is bringing a treat for you, a great big box of candy, I know it isn't necessary for me to remind you that you must thank her nicely. Now we will have our memory gems. {She calls on various pu- pils for quotations. Knock is heard. She goes to door.) May {to Albert, Roy and Jerry). You boys get that mouse out of the chalk box. Albert. How can we? Kate. Well, you do it somehow. Enter Miss Frances. Miss Etta {to pupils, who have risen). Pupils, this is Miss Frances Manners. She has often heard me speak of you and has often wanted to visit our nice little school. You may be seated now. {All take seats.) Aunt Fanny, the pupils were just reciting their memory gems. Miss Frances. So you have memory gems as an opening exercise. How nice ! That was also a custom of mine. It will be a pleasure for me to hear the pupils give their quotations from the great authors. Miss Etta. Albert, let us hear yours now. Albert {rising). Miss Etta, if you don't mind, I'd like to write mine on the board. 14 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Miss Etta. Why, Albert, you have never done that. It is the custom to give the memory gem orally. Roy. He's got a bad cold, Miss Etta. Mebbe it would strain his voice to say it. Better let him write it on the board. Miss Etta. Why, he didn't seem to be hoarse. Albert {in deep voice). Oh, yes, I am, Miss Etta. Roy. I stayed at his house last night and he had the croup. Miss Etta {laughing). A big boy like that with the croup. But I don't want to run the risk of injuring his voice. You may write your quotation, Albert. Albert {aside). You watch me get that mouse out of there. {He approaches desk. Miss Etta picks up piece of chalk from desk and reaches it toward him. He ignores it and reaches toward box.) Miss Etta. Here's a piece of chalk. Albert. Can't I have a whole piece? Miss Etta. Why, Albert, can't you see? This is a whole piece. Albert. Oh, I meant a little piece. The directors said we were wasting too much chalk and I'd like to use the little pieces first. Miss Etta. How economical you're getting! {Still holds out piece of chalk towards him. Albert hesi- tates.) Jerry {to Albert). Take it, you chump! She'll catch on. (Albert takes chalk.) Roy {aside). I'll get that mouse out of there. {To Miss Etta.) Miss Etta, Jerry is sick. Jerry {surprised) . I ain't. Roy {to Jerry). You are. Get them down here and give me a chance. Jerry. I mean — yes, I am. I feel awful bad. {Puts head down on desk and groans.) Miss Etta. Gracious! He's taken suddenly. {To Albert.) Albert, take your seat. {He does so. Miss Etta and Miss Frances approach Jerry's desk. Roy DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 15 slips toward teacher's desk and is reaching for chalk box when Miss Etta turns and sees him.) Miss Etta (sharply). Roy, take your seat. (He does so.) Jerry (raising his head). Did you get it? Miss Etta. Did he get it? Did he get what? (To Miss Frances.) Do you think the child is delirious? Miss Frances (feeling Jerry's head). No, he doesn't seem to have any fever. (To Jerry.) What did you mean? Did he get what? Jerry. I — I — I don't know. Albert. I guess he was talking in his sleep. He always does. Miss Etta. But he was not asleep. I can't under- stand it. (To Miss Frances.) Do you think we ought to send for his mother? Jerry (emphatically) . Oh, no! I'm all right now. That's the way I always am — one minute like to die and the next all right. I feel just as well as ever. Miss Etta. Well, you don't appear to be sick, that is certain. I will wait a while. (Miss Frances and Miss Etta resume seats.) Kate (to Albert, Roy and Jerry). I guess one of us girls will have to get that mouse out of the chalk box before Miss Etta or her aunt sees it. Albert. Go ahead and try. Mebbe you won't find it so easy. Kate. Miss Etta, please may I put the chalk around today ? Miss Etta. But I have always handed the chalk to the pupils as they passed to the board. Why do you wish to change? . Kate. I want — I — I — don't like to see you have to work so hard, Miss Etta. Miss Etta (smiling). It is very hard work to hand out a few pieces of chalk, isn't it? But you may put some around if you wish. (Kate proceeds briskly to desk, hesitates, reaches hand toward box gingerly, withdraws it quickly, repeats this.) 16 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Albert (in stage whisper). Well, for the love of Pete! Roy. She's got a chance and won't take it. Jerry. Wish I was up there. Miss Etta {puzzled). Whatever is the matter with you, Kate? May. She's kind of nervous. Miss Etta. I think she's going to have a spell of — of typhoid — or some- thing. Miss Frances {aside). This is a sickly school. May. Let me put around the chalk, Miss Etta. {She advances toward the desk, then acts as Kate did. Boys half rise from seats and show marked im- patience.) Miss Etta {aside). I never saw the pupils act so strangely. What can be the cause ? Miss Frances. There's something in that box. {Picks up box quickly, removes paper, sees mouse, screams, drops box and mounts chair. Miss Etta also screams and gets upon chair.) Miss Etta. Boys, boys, kill it. {Boys rush toward front of room. Miss Frances gets down from chair and waves them back.) Miss Frances {to boys). Don't trouble yourselves. {To Miss Etta.) Get down, Etta. The mouse is dead. Don't you see the red ribbon on its neck ? Your pupils have played a very, very naughty trick. I shall not stay here to be further insulted. {Exit.) Albert. We didn't mean to play a trick on her. Miss Etta. We didn't know she was coming. We just wanted to hear you squeal a little. Miss Etta. Oh, boys, how could you? I've told Aunt Fanny so often how nice you all were and now to have her visit spoiled like this. Roy. We're sorry. Miss Etta. We tried to get it out. {To Kate and May.) If you girls had only picked up the box when you had a chance you could have thrown the mouse out the window just as easy; DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 17 but no, you had to go this way. {Imitates their ac- tions. ) Kate. That's right. Try to put the blame on us. We told you not to do it. Jerry {aside). She left the candy, anyhow. Miss Frances re-enters. She picks up candy and marches out — chorus of disappointed "Oh's" from smaller pupils.) Miss Etta. Fve told you so often not to play prac- tical jokes. They are always based on the fact that some one is to suffer fright, embarrassment or some other disagreeable emotion. And think of all the sto- ries you told — ^Albert's cold, Jerry's illness and Kate's nervousness. Very often, though, the jokers turn out to be the ones who suffer. Roy. We did this time. Miss Etta. My, that was a big box of candy! Kate. And we lose it through your fault. They ought to buy us another box, oughtn't they. Miss Etta ? May. They have some money they are saving to buy a football. I think we have first claim on it. Miss Etta. Let them think it over and see what decision they come to. Albert. We won't have to think very long, Miss Etta. We know what's good for us. Those girls would never get done talking about that lost box of candy, if we didn't come across. Jerry. Playing jokes ! Well, Fm cured. Roy. So'm I. Albert. Here, too. {He picks up mouse and holds it in view of audience.) This little beast cost us a fine football. Curtain. 18 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS A NEEDED LESSON. characters. Lucille. Isabelle. Alma. Bobby. Scene: Living room. Discovered, Lucille, Alma_, Bobby. They are all reading. Lucille (throwing down hook and yawning). Oh, dear ! I almost wish I had gone to Aunt Mary's with papa and mamma. It's so tiresome spending the even- ing by ourselves. Bobby. Say, that just makes me think of it. Al Kennard and Ed Aikins are coming up after a while. They were at Elmwood's when I passed on my way home from school and they told me, but I forgot all about it. Lucille {rising). Well, Bobby Brown, I wish you'd keep your wits about you. They'll be here any minute now, and look at this old rag of a dress I have on, and my hair not fixed. Why didn't you tell me as soon as you got home? Bobby. Why — why — I was a good piece away from them when they hollered at me, and I couldn't hear very well what they said, and — and — I didn't think. Lucille. No, you never think of anything but hur- rying home, slopping up your work any old way, and then burying your nose in one of those silly story books. You're getting worse every day. Alma. Now, Lucille, don't scold. Boys always for- get. Besides I think it rather cool of Al and Ed just calmly sending that word. How did they know their company would prove agreeable? They should have telephoned and asked permission to call. It would serve them right to be met at the door with a "not at home" message. Lucille. Now, try to be dignified, will you? You DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 19 know the boys of this town don't stand on ceremony. {Looks around room.) Say, this room is a fright. Look at the dust — and everything scattered around. I'm going to make mamma speak to Mary Ann about the way she neglects her work. Alma, you straighten things up a bit while I call up Smith's and order ice cream. It's lucky we have some cake in the house. Bobby, you beat it. Go to bed. Alma. Lucille, don't speak like that. Bobby. Go to bed! I guess not. But say, I'll go down to Smith's for the ice cream, if you want me to. Lucille. Well, maybe that will be better than 'phoning. They don't pay any attention to half their orders lately. Come on and I'll get you some money and tell you the kind. Alma, aren't you going to do anything to this room? Come on, Bobby. Oh, dear! If you had only told me as soon as you got home. {Exeunt Lucille and Bobby.) Alma {putting papers and magazines in order). Just as excited as if she were expecting a visit from the President. Lucille is such a little goose. {Knock is heard.) Well, here are those wonderful boys. {Goes to door, aside at edge of stage.) Oh, it's Isabelle Watson. Now just watch Lucille go up in the air entirely. ^^^^^ Isabelle. Alma {continuing). Isabelle, I'm so glad to see you. It's been ages since you were here. {They take seats.) Isabelle. I know, but it takes me so long every evening to get my lessons. We have such hard studies this year. Where's Lucille? She's at home, isn't she? I want her to play some of her new pieces. Alma. Yes, she's at home and she'll be glad to play for you, I know. {Aside.) That's an awful story. Lucille re-enters. She does not see Isabelle at first, Lucille. I know my hair is a fright. {Sees Isa- belle — aside). Well, of all things! She heard they were coming and had to rush over, but I'll freeze her 20 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS out. (Advances into room and takes chair, picks up book, says ''Good evening" very coldly to Isabelle and starts to read.) Isabelle {aside). She's not very cordial. Wonder what she thinks is the matter with her. Alma {to Lucille). Now, Lucille. (Lucille looks up, makes face at Alma, then resumes reading.) Isabelle {aside). A fine way to treat a guest. Alma {aside). 1 feel like shaking her. {To Lu- cille.) Lucille, Isabelle wants you to play some of your new songs. Lucille {still reading). I don't care to play this evening. Alma {in low voice). Lucille, don't be so hateful. Isabelle. I thought you liked to play, Lucille. Lucille. I do — for my friends. Alma. Lucille ! Isabelle {rising). Well, that's enough. Alma {rising and placing hand on Isabelle's arm). Oh, Isabelle, don't mind her. You know she takes these funny spells. (Isabelle moves toward door.) Don't go, Isabelle. Please don't. Isabelle. Yes, I am going. I won't stay where I'm not wanted. But you must come over soon. Alma. Alma. Yes, I will; but I'm so sorry you won't stay. Isabelle {turning at door). It will be a long time before you see me here again, Lucille Brown. Lucille. You weren't asked this time, if I know anything about it. {Exit Isabelle. Alma resumes seat, looks sternly at Lucille, who laughs. Lucille continuing.) That floored her all right. I got the last word. Alma. I am utterly ashamed of you. Lucille {indifferently). Is that so? Why did she have to come over here just because she heard Ed and Al were to spend the evening with us? Alma. You haven't the slightest grounds for sup- posing that she knew anything about it. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 21 Lucille. Oh, of course she did. She hasn't been over here for months till this evening. Alma. She said she was busy every evening with her lessons. Lucille. Oh, stuff! You don't see me spending much time over those tiresome old books. Alma. That's true, anyhow. Lucille. Besides, she's perfectly silly over Al. Alma. So are you — and over Ed, too, and nearly every boy you know. I've a notion to tell mamma the way you treated Isabelle. You ought to be ashamed. Lucille. Oh, stop your preaching! Listen! There's some one on the porch. (Rises, fixes hair, glances at mirror, etc.) Bobby re-enters. Bobby. They're not coming. Lucille. What I Bobby. Al and Ed are not coming. I met them just down the street and they asked me if Tom was at home, and I said, "No," so they won't be here. Alma {smiling). So Tom was the one they wanted to see? Bobby. Yes, they are trying to get up a baseball nine and wanted to talk to him about it. They said they told me to tell him to stay at home and they were mad 'cause I didn't. But I never heard them say anything about Tom. All I heard was something about being up after supper. Lucille. Well, after this, try to get your messages straight. Bobby. After this I won't take any messages. I don't get anything but fussin' on all sides. Alma. Never mind, Bobby. Come into the din- ing-room and we'll have some ice cream. Bobby. Say, when Al found out I had ice cream, he wanted to come in anyhow, but Ed wouldn't let him. He said it would be all right if they could eat 22 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS five or six dishes and then go, but he knew Lucille would make them stay the whole evening. Lucille. Ed Aikins said that? Bobby. Yes. And then Al said to let him dig out a little with his pocket knife, but I didn't know how you'd like it, and anyhow just then Isabelle Watson came along and I slipped off. (Lucille drops into chadr and puts head on table.) Alma (aside), Isabelle and the boys will put two and two together and make out the fact that Lucille is dreadfully foolish. Well, I hope this will prove a lesson to her. (To Lucille.) Come, Lucille, let*s have the ice cream. (Lucille does not answer.) Bobby (taking Alma's hand). Let's hurry, Alma, before it melts. (They start across stage.) I'm glad those mean old boys didn't come, aren't you? (Exeunt Alma and Bobby.) Lucille (rising and facing audience). Well, they say some people can learn only by experience. I sup- pose I belonged to that class. I've had the experience all right — now to prove that I've learned a lesson — a needed lesson. ^ Curtain. APPEARANCES ARE DECEPTIVE. characters. Della. Stella. Eva. Lena. Laura. Milly. Scene: School room. Discovered, Della, Eva, Laura, Stella. Stella is seated at rear desk, reading. Della. Well, as I was saying, I bet if I am ever a school teacher I won't have so much stealing going on in any school of mine. Eva. I think as much. It's getting so we can't put down a pencil, or it's gone right away, and as for an apple or anything like that — DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 23 Della. And I guess we'll have to take to keeping our lunch boxes in our desks or at noon we'll have nothing to eat. I don't see why Miss Hetty doesn't do something. Laura. But what can she do? Is a pupil going to steal while the teacher is looking on ? Do you think Miss Hetty is a mind reader? She can't be sure un- less she sees, and it's better to let the guilty go unpun- ished than to accuse one who is innocent. Then, too, you know some of the pupils are so careless. They lose their pencils and other articles and then say they have been stolen. Eva. Oh, hear the preacher! You make me tired. Della. I know there is stealing going on in this school and {glancing toward Stella) I have an idea who the thief is. Laura. Oh, Della! Della. Well, what's she always stuck in the school room for? Laura. You know it is because no one will play with her, and it's a shame. What if she does dress queer? I guess she'd wear pretty clothes as quick as anybody if she had them. Eva. It's not only her clothes — she acts so funny. Laura. She's timid, if that's what you mean. But you might be the same your first year in a strange school. Della. Why is it she never eats her lunch with the rest of us? Maybe she has something she doesn't want us to see. Laura. I don't doubt she has, though I'm sure it's not what you think, something taken from the lunch boxes of others. If you had to eat black bread and old fat meat, you wouldn't want it on exhibition. I think the Browns ought to be ashamed — as rich as they are — and the way they treat her. Mamma said it was a whole lot different when their own children were coming to school. They had the best of every- thing, but they don't care how they treat Stella because 24 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS they got her out of an asylum. It's a shame ! People ought to think about the orphans at home, as well as of those in France and Belgium. Enter Lena. Lena. Oh, girls, we are having the best game of ball ! You ought to come out and play. They stopped to get the ball, which went over the fence, and I came in to put away my new tablet and pencil. It's not safe to leave anything around these days. I hide mine way at the bottom of my desk, under all my books. {Looks around room.) Say, I don't see my tablet and pencil. I put them down somewhere in here and went out to the well to get a drink. I thought I'd come right back and hide them, but I got to playing ball — and now they're gone. But I am going to have them. I got my name on the tablet and my initials cut on the pencil, so I'll know them, and I'm going to look in all the desks. Della. You can look in mine, Tm sure. Eva. Mine, too. Laura. You may look in mine also, if you wish, but I don't think it's nice to go through the other pupils' desks when they are not in the room. Why don't you wait? Perhaps some one is playing a joke on you. Lena. Yes, like all the other jokes that are being played around here. Great jokes, only what is gone never turns up. I'm going to search the desks. {Looks hastily through desks.) Della {seating herself at desk and taking out books). Here, Lena, look in mine. {She does so. Eva and Laura follow Bella's example. Lena looks in their desks. The tablet and pencil are not found.) Lena. Then I know where they are. {Advances towards Stella's desk.) The other girls all let me look in their desks, Stella, and I'm going to look through yours. Stella {trying to push Lena away). No, no, you can't look. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 25 Eva {to Laura). Now, what do you think of your great friend? Della. The very idea! She's been taking things right and left all this term. (Lena searches Stella^s desk and finds tablet and pencil like hers,) Lena {holding up tablet and pencil). I knew it! I knew it! Here they are! Stella {starting to cry). They are mine! They are mine ! Lena. Just look here, girls. She's rubbed out my name and written hers over it and she's cut my ini- tials off the pencil. I never saw anything like it. Stella. That's my tablet. I wrote my name on it and it was all crooked and I rubbed it out and wrote it again. Della. Oh, Stella, don't make it worse by telling lies. Lena. And the pencil? I guess you cut your ini- tials crooked and then had to shave them off. Stella. I cut that place on the pencil and was going to write my name in ink and I didn't do it yet. Lena. Well, I just guess you won't get a chance to do it yet. Stella {trying to take tablet and pencil). They are mine. I never stole them. (Lena pushes her away.) Eva. Why, Stella, you know the Browns won't give you money for tablets and pencils. They say you can use a slate. Stella. That agent that was around here selling books gave me a dime. I was driving home the cows along the road and he dropped a note book and a lot of papers fell out and I helped him pick them up and he gave me the dime. When I went to town with Mr. Brown to help him peddle apples I bought the tablet and pencil and hid them in the wagon. When we got home I hid them in the barn and I brought them to school this morning and wrote my name on the tablet with that little piece of pencil you gave me, Laura, and I 26 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS was going to ask you to lend me your pen and ink to write my name on the pencil. I was tired of always having to borrow paper from you or getting it from Miss Hetty. I thought if I'd ever have any money of my own the first thing I would buy would be a tablet and pencil — and now I can't get to keep them. {Puts head on desk and cries.) Laura. Girls, she's telling the truth. Lena. Yes, she is ! You think I'm going to give up my tablet and pencil? Enter Milly with tablet and pencil. MiLLY {holding tablet and pencil toward Lena). Say, Lena, you certainly take good care of your be- longings. I found these out there by the side of the house. Lena. My tablet and pencil! I remember now. I placed them on the window sill and they must have fallen out. {Puts Stella''s tablet and pencil on her desk.) I'm sorry, Stella. {Turns to others.) Oh, girls, I never was so ashamed. Della. I was as bad as you. I thought she took them. Laura {seating herself near Stella and putting her arm around her.) Never mind, Stella. The girls feel a whole lot worse about it than you do. Eva. We certainly do. {Turns to audience.) WeVe learned one good lesson. Curtain. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 27 ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. characters. Aunt Caroline. Harriet. Mrs. Burns. Rose. Mildred. Tom. Scene: Front porch. Discovered, Rose, mending. Enter Mrs. Burns. Mrs. Burns {dropping into chair and wiping face). Land sakes, child, why didn't you go to the picnic with the rest of the folks? Rose. Aunt Caroline wouldn't let me go; that is, she said it would be too crowded in the auto. Mrs. Burns. Who went with them? Rose. No one. There was just Aunt and the two girls — Harriet even wasn't along. She went into the city. Mrs. Burns. She'd have better thought up another excuse than "crowded." Rose. I know, too, that it was only an excuse. But why couldn't she have let me go along? There's noth- ing to be done this afternoon except this mending, and I would have been willing to sit up till midnight to get it finished. Mrs. Burns. That mending's not the reason, honey. {Aside.) Aunt Caroline's takin' no chances. Old Judge Bond's grandson will be at the picnic and she knows he's kind of got his heart set on little Rose here. Rose. Then what can it be? And she's so — so severe with me lately — so much worse than usual. She's always making sarcastic remarks and this morn- ing I'm almost certain she said something about "thief." What could she have meant by that? She knows I never stole anything in my whole life. Oh, 28 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS I can't stand it here much longer. She's not my real Aunt, anyhow, only my father's step-sister. I'll go to the city and be a servant in earnest — that's all I am here. Mrs. Burns. No, no, honey. You just wait a while. Maybe things will take a turn, and about "thief" — why I guess she or some of the girls must have been snoopin' around the other day and heard you say to me you wished you had a little money, and you'd leave, and that you believed you'd steal some. Course you were only funnin' and she knows it. Rose. That must be it. Well, I suppose she will never get done throwing it at me. But I ought to be more careful about what I say. Mrs. Burns. And about who hears you, honey. Rose. Yes, that's true. {Sews a while in silence.) They're having a lovely afternoon for their picnic, aren't they, Mrs. Burns? Mrs. Burns. Yes, indeed, and it's nice that it turned out to be fair as it is young Mr. Welland's last day here, isn't it? Rose. Yes. He told me his father sent word that he would have to cut his vacation short. Mrs. Burns. But he has been here two months. That seems like a good long rest. Rose. I know. But he had been promised the whole summer. He had been working so hard. Just think, Mrs. Burns, manager of that big plant, and he's only twenty-four years old. {Pause.) He thinks he can come back for a week or two later on, or if he can't, he is going to get his sister to come down here. He says he's sure we will like each other at once, and then I must visit his sister. Mrs. Burns. Got it all fixed up, haven't you? Rose. Oh, that's just what he says. It will do a lot of good, won't it? I can see Aunt Caroline letting me go on a visit. Besides, I haven't any nice dresses, and I wouldn't know how to act, anyhow. I never get to go any place to see how people do. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 29 Mrs. Burns. Don't let that worry you. A real lady always knows how to act, and you're one, as were your mother and grandmother. I worked for them long enough before I was married to know. But look ! Isn't that auto coming here ? Why, it's the very lad we were talking about. It's Tom Welland and some other young folks. They've come to get you to go to the picnic after all. How nice ! Rose. But I can't go. Aunt Caroline would never get over it. c ^ -r ^ Enter Tom. Tom. Good afternoon, Rose. How do you do, Mrs. Burns. {They respond.) Rose. Won't you sit down? {Motions to chair.) Tom. No, thanks. I've only a moment. Rose, why didn't you come to the picnic? I understood from your Aunt this morning that you would be there, but when I asked about you on her arrival, she said you didn't care to come. You didn't care to come and it was our only chance to say "goodbye." You know I leave early in the morning. Rose. Yes, I know, but — ^but — Mrs. Burns {aside). I'll take myself out of the way. They'll have one chance for a little talk. {To Rose.) I'm going over to look at those lovely pansies. I want to order some seed. Rose {detaining her). No, no, Mrs. Burns; stay here. {In lower tones.) He will keep on asking me why I didn't go and I can't tell him Aunt Caroline wouldn't let me. Tom. We found out no one had a kodak at the pic- nic and as it's such a fine afternoon for pictures. Bob and Clara said they would go for one. I offered to drive them in grandfather's car. Seeing you and Mrs. Burns on the porch I asked them to wait while I tried to persuade you to join us. You'll come, won't you, Rose? Tell her she has to, Mrs. Burns. Mrs. Burns {aside). I wish the poor child could go, but I'd hate to think what she'd get afterwards. 30 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS {To Tom.) Why, why, I don't know — look, there's another auto at the gate. Why {to Rose), it's your Aunt Caroline and Mildred. I wonder what brought them home. The picnic surely is not breaking up yet. {Aside,) I know what brought them — afraid Tom would have a word with Rose. They suspected he'd stop to ask her why she didn't come, and here they are at his heels — all out of breath. Enter Aunt Caroline and Mildred. Aunt Caroline {dropping into chair and mopping face). It looked so much like rain we thought we'd hurry home. (Mildred seats herself and motions towards a chair for Tom, hut he declines.) Mrs. Burns {aside). Like rain — not a cloud in the sky. The woman has no imagination. {To Aunt Caroline.) Why didn't Violet come home with you? Wasn't she afraid of the rain? Aunt Caroline {directing sour look towards Mrs. Burns, then changing expression and saying sweetly). The dear child was having such a good time she couldn't tear herself away. Mrs. Burns {aside). Huh! They left the dear child to watch that end, in case he didn't stop here. Mildred {to Tom, sarcastically) . I thought it was Clara's kodak you were to get. Rose hasn't any. Tom. Oh, er — er — Aunt Caroline {to Mildred). Hush! Do you want to spoil everything? Mildred {to Aunt Caroline). There's nothing to spoil. Doesn't this prove what I've always told you, that he cares only for little Miss Nobody here? {Rises.) I'm going upstairs to fix my hair. It's all blown to pieces. {Exit.) Aunt Caroline. Just stay and spend the rest of the afternoon and the evening with us, Tom. The picnic will be breaking up soon. Tom {eagerly). Thank you, Mrs. Brant, I'll be de- lighted. I must drive Bob and Clara over to the grounds but I'll return at once. Come with me, Rose, or I'll be DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 31 all by myself coming back. Tm company, you know, and must be entertained. (Rose glances at Aunt Caroline, who looks much flurried.) Aunt Caroline. Why, Rose has some work — I — I mean she's not ' been feeling well and it looks so much like rain — - Mrs. Burns {aside). Still harping on that rain. Aunt Caroline. But Mildred will be very glad to accompany you. Here she comes. Tom {aside). No matter how hard I try, I never can get to talk to Rose for two minutes. I wish — Enter Mildred. Mildred {much excited). Mother, my ruby ring is gone! Aunt Caroline. Your ring gone! Impossible! You must have misplaced it. Mildred. No, I didn't. I remember distinctly plac- ing it in my jewel box just before leaving, because I was afraid I'd lose it at the picnic, and it's not there. Mrs. Burns. Perhaps Harriet or Violet wore it. Mildred. No, they didn't. We never wear one another's jewelry. Besides Violet went down stairs to the machine before I did and Harriet had already gone to the station. I was the last one in the room. I placed the ring carefully in my jewel box before I left and it's gone. Somebody took it. {Glances at Rose.) Rose {aside, distressed). They'll suspect me. What shall I do? Aunt Caroline {to Mildred). Be careful, Mil- dred. If you accuse her and then find the ring was only misplaced, what will he think? Mildred {to Aunt Caroline). I tell you it's not misplaced. I'll show her in her true colors, then he'll think she's a thief. {To Rose.) You were here all the time, weren't you, Rose? Rose. Yes, I've been here on the porch ever since you left. Mildred. The back doors and windows are all se- 32 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS curely fastened. No one could possibly have entered that way. Rose, you — Rose. I was here on the porch all the time, but — but — I wasn't watching all the time. I — I — think some one could have entered without my seeing him. Mildred. Well, if that's not the thinnest! {Ve- hemently.) Rose, you took that ring and you've got to give it back or I'll have you arrested. I'll not sub- mit to losing a five hundred dollar ring. Rose. Oh, Mildred ! Mrs. Burns {aside). She didn't take it — that I know. This looks like a scheme of theirs. Tom {excited and indignant, moving toward Rose). You — ^you mustn't say anything like that. Miss Brant. Aunt Caroline. Be careful, Mildred. Mildred. Careful, nothing! You stay here and watch her. I'm going to search her room. I never did trust these sanctimonious little pieces that look like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. Rose. Oh, Mildred ! Mildred. ''Oh, Mildred!" Yes, and **0h, Mil- dred" some more. That's all you can say. I'm going to have my ring back and prove you took it, if I have to put detectives on the case. Tom. Don't mind her, Rose. {To Mildred.) You mustn't talk like that, Miss Brant. Mildred. I mustn't! What right have you to in- terfere in this? Aunt Caroline {warningly), Mildred! Tom {turning to Mrs. Burns). Oh, if I did have the right! Mrs. Burns {to Tom). Well, ask her for it! Tom. But she doesn't care for me. Mrs. Burns {turning to audience, sighing and shak- ing her head). He's blind as a bat. But then I sup- pose he's so used to being chased that he doesn't un- derstand when a girl is a little reserved. Mildred. I'm going upstairs to her room to look for that ring. (Rose begins to cry.) DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 33 Tom. Oh, Rose, don't cry. No one thinks you took it. No one will believe it no matter where the ring is found. Mildred. Just what do you mean by that, Tom Welland? Are you insinuating that the ring is not really missing? That I am only trying to make it appear she took it? Mrs. Burns {aside). That's what I think, my lady. Tom. Not at all. I simply mean that nothing, noth- ing will ever make me believe that Rose is a — a — I can't say it. The connection of her name with such a word is a deadly insult. You ought to apologize to her immediately. Mildred {sarcastically). Indeed! Aunt Caroline. Now, Mildred, don't get so ex- cited. She doesn't realize how she is speaking to you, Tom, but the ring is a very valuable one and' — Enter Harriet. Harriet. What's all this about a ring? Is Mil- dred having a fit because I wore her old ruby into the city? Aunt Caroline. You wore it I Tom. I knew Rose didn't take it. Mrs. Burns (aside). That settles Mildred. Just notice how she looks. Mildred. But you left before I did and I remem- ber placing the ring in my jewel box the last thing I did. Harriet. I could come back again, couldn't I, goose ? Mildred. Then why did Rose say she didn't see you? Harriet. Because she didn't, I guess. She had her head down crying about something, the little baby. I had forgotten my hand bag and I ran upstairs to get it. I didn't take time to inquire about the tears. Rose. I'm not going to stay here another minute. If the ring had really been lost, I always would have 34 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS been suspected — perhaps arrested. Oh, it's too dread- ful! I can't stand it here any longer. Aunt Caroline. The very idea ! After all I have done for that girl ! I took her in when she was left penniless — why, she would have starved but for me. Mrs. Burns {aside). She earned all she ever got from you. Aunt Caroline {to Rose). And may I ask what you propose doing? Mildred. She'll go into the movies, I suppose, with that wonderful face of hers. Harriet. Or adopt a business career, perhaps. We'll soon hear of her being private secretary to some railroad magnate, or — Rose. I'm going to Mrs. Lawton's. She wants some one to help clean house, and I know how to work. I have you to thank for that much, anyhow, Aunt Caroline. Tom {to Mrs. Burns). But she mustn't be al- lowed to do that — oh, I had planned for — for every- thing to be so different. Mrs. Burns {to Tom). Mrs. Lawton is awful hard on her help. That's why she hasn't got her house cleaned yet. She'll work her to death. Aunt Caroline. It's strange, Mrs. Burns, that you have remarks to make to Tom that we are all not privileged to hear. But you always did interfere be- tween Rose and me. I attribute most of her bad dis- position to you. Mrs. Burns. Is that so? Well, let me tell you, Caroline Brant, that if there is a bad disposition around this house, it doesn't belong to Rose. If I were in her place I wouldn't stay here either. Mildred. We're not begging her to stay, did you happen to notice? Harriet {to Rose). Go on down to Lizzie Law- ton's. You'll be crying to come back before the end of the week. Tom {to Mrs. Burns). Isn't there some way out DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 35 of the difficulty? She can't stay here and be treated like this, and it's dreadful to think of her having to engage in such sordid work. Oh, if there were some- thing I could do! Mrs. Burns {aside). Something he could do! And yet they say he manages a factory ! Well, I'll lend him a helping hand, anyhow. {To Rose.) There's no use being in such a rush going to Lawton's, Rose. Come home with me for a few days. Maybe something will turn up that you'll like better. Rose. Oh, thank you, Mrs. Burns, but you know that seems the only prospect in sight. Mrs. Burns. No, no, it isn't. I know of some- thing much better. Aunt Caroline. How interesting! I didn't know you were running an employment agency, Mrs. Burns. Mrs. Burns. There's lots of things you don't know, Caroline. You are going to hear a piece of news in a day or two that will take the curl out of your hair. Harriet. Such an expression! Mrs. Burns. But say, Tom, don't you think Bob and Clara are wondering what's happened to you? Tom {starting). I forgot all about them. Mrs. Burns. Well, never mind. I guess they haven't worried much about you. But it's time you were all back at the grounds if you want to get any pictures. Rose, as you're staying with me now, I'm going to give you permission to go to the picnic. You and Tom run along. Harriet. The idea! Aunt Caroline. You seem to have overlooked the fact that Mr. Welland has promised to spend the rest of the afternoon and the evening here with us, Mrs. Burns. Tom. But — ^but — that was before — I mean — Harriet. Why, that's quite delightful. I'll call up some of the girls and boys and we'll have a little dance. It's your last evening here, Tom, and we must try to make it pleasant. {Exit.) 36 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mildred. If you have anything to do at home, Mrs. Burns, don't let us keep you. You and your friend (glancing coldly at Rose) may leave whenever you're ready. Aunt Caroline. Yes, we'll have some preparations to make for this evening. We'll expect you back, then, Tom, as soon as you've taken Bob and Clara over to the grounds. Rose. Come, Mrs. Burns, let's not stay here any longer. Tom. You must please excuse me. Tell — tell Har- riet not to call up anyone. Aunt Caroline. Oh, don't think we'll go to too much trouble, Tom. We want you to take away a good impression of our little town. Mildred (aside). Mamma never does give up hope, but I'll help it along just to spite Rose — and Jen Burns. She's entirely too smart. (To Tom.) There, Harriet has gotten Bess and Lil on the phone. They are so jolly, don't you think so? Tom. Yes, but— but— Mrs. Burns (taking Tom by arm and leading him to left of stage). See here, young man, do you care anything for Rose? Tom. Do I ? Why, you know I do. She's the only girl in the world. She's — Mrs. Burns. Well, ask her to ride over with you and tell her all that. Tom. But I am afraid she will return an unfavor- able answer. I don't want to risk everything so soon — if I could only have a little more time to try to gain her regard — Mrs. Burns (turning to audience). Here's the eighth wonder of the world — a young man who is re- ally and truly not conceited. (To Tom.) Well, of course Rose has never said a single word to me, but still I believe maybe there is a little hope for you. I'd risk it if I were in your place. Tom (doubtfully). Well — perhaps. (With deci- DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS ^7 sion.) Yes, I'll do it. (Crosses to Rose.) Rose, won't you come with me? Mrs. Burns. Go on. Rose. (Rose and Tom cross stage. They pause at edge.) Tom. We'll take you home first, Mrs. Burns. (Exeunt Tom and Rose.) Mrs. Burns. Well, I don't hear anyone entreatin' me to prolong my visit, so I may as well be movin' ^* Harriet re-enters. Harriet. Lil and Bess are just delighted at having a little dance. They said they would notify the others — why, where is Tom ? And Rose ? Did she really go ? I thought she was bluffing. Aunt Caroline. Mrs. Burns took it upon herself to force Tom to ask Rose to go for a ride. Mrs. Burns. He didn't need any forcin', just a little encouragin', and I'm willin' to bet just anything that on the way back he'll ask her a very important question, and I'm kind of sure of her answer. Aunt Caroline (disdainfully). I never heard anything so absurd. Mildred. It's what I've been telling you all along, mother. You've been blind. Harriet (slowly). It really looks that way — and I can half way forgive Rose. She's kept some others that I could name from getting him. Mildred. It's just as well to be on good terms with — millions, when you can. Aunt Caroline. Of course — that is I mean to say it would grieve me greatly to have Rose entertain any hard feelings, and she mustn't think of leaving. (Turning to Mrs. Burns.) I don't thank anyone for trying to take her away. (Glances out window.) They haven't started yet. Come, girls, we'll tell Tom to keep Rose at the picnic for a little enjoyment and then to bring her back here to her own home — the dear child. (Exeunt Aunt Caroline, Mildred and Har- riet.) 38 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mrs. Burns. Well, how's that for a quick turn? She'll soon have herself thinking she's always been Rose's fairy god-mother, and Rose will be just easy enough to make up with her. {Pause.) I don't know, though. Bright days are dawning for the little girl and perhaps it's just as sensible for her to think that "All's well that ends well." Curtain. AWKWARD EMMA. characters. Mrs. Lewis. Irene. Aunt Mary. Emma. Uncle John. Lester. Scene: Living room. Discovered, Mrs. Lewis^ Irene, Emma, Lester. Mrs. Lewis. They'll be here any minute now. And Emma, one last word — try to be careful. Don't do anything to spoil Irene's chance. Emma. Oh, mother, you know — Mrs. Lewis. Of course, of course, dear child, I know you wouldn't do anything intentionally. But you are so awkward — you say so many things — Irene. Every time she opens her mouth she puts her foot in it. Mrs. Lewis. Why, Irene, if Aunt Mary — Irene. Oh, don't be afraid I'll say anything like that when Aunt Mary and Uncle John get here. Lester. No, you little hypocrite, you'll be as sweet as pie then. But say, mother. Aunt Mary never said which of the girls she wanted. Mrs. Lewis. No, but I am sure she will select Irene. They are going to Rye Beach. It is a very stylish summer resort. Your two cousins, Anabelle and Marguerite, are already there. You know Irene always seemed to harmonize better with the girls than Emma did. It is a great opportunity for Irene. She DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 39 will meet so many nice young people, and Aunt Mary has almost promised to send her on East with her girls to Miss Blanke's school. It would be grand if she did. Irene, I know you'll do your best to make a good impression on your aunt. Lester. Trust her for that. Mrs. Lewis. Here they are. {Goes to door.) Enter Aunt Mary and Uncle John. Mrs. Lewis {kissing Aunt Mary and shaking hands with Uncle John.) I'm so delighted to see you. These are my little ones, Irene, Emma and Les- ter. You remember the girls, but Lester was away from home when you were here before. Aunt Mary. I remember Irene perfectly. You have gone on getting prettier and prettier, my dear. You will be a regular beauty before long. (Kisses her.) And this is Emma. {Shakes hands with her.) You ought to use something for your complexion and your hair seems to be neglected. Lester. She's got most of the work to do. She can't spend hours fooling with her wig, petting and coaxing each separate hair, as Irene does. ^ Mrs. Lewis. Why, Lester ! You must not mind him, Mary. You know all boys are so — so peculiar. Aunt Mary, {coldly). I don't mind him. Uncle John. He seems to be a fine lad and very observant for his age. Shake hands with your uncle, my boy. {He shakes hands with Lester and the girls.) Aunt Mary. It is so warm today. Mrs. Lewis. Yes, isn't it? Sit down and take off your hat and Emma will bring in some lemonade. She made some thinking it would be agreeable to you on your arrival. (Aunt Mary moves toward chair, stum- bles and falls heavily into another chair.) Mrs. Lewis. Why, my dear Mary, are you faint? Aunt Mary. Faint, nothing! There's a string stretched across here. {Points.) It's a mercy this chair happened in the way or I would have fallen to 40 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS the floor, and perhaps been a cripple for life. I sup- pose Emma or that boy thought to play a trick. Emma. Oh, Aunt Mary, I didn't mean it to trip anyone. (Turns to Mrs. Lewis.) When I kept Mrs. Brown's children this morning while she went shop- ping, nothing would do but I must play circus. That string was to mark off the animals' cages and I forgot to remove it. I'm so sorry. Aunt Mary. I'll be nervous for a week. Irene (aside). Emma has made a good beginning. She ought to have gone over to Clara's or some place for the day. (To Aunt Mary.) Take off your hat, dear Aunt Mary. You will find it so much cooler. Aunt Mary. No, dear, we are going to stay but a few minutes. We drove over to make arrangements about taking you to Rye Beach with us, but we are not going till next week. We wanted to give you time for your preparations. Irene (aside). I knew it would be I. Lester (aside). *'Would be I." Listen to her try to show how much she knows. Mrs. Lewis. It is so kind of you, Mary, to take this interest in Irene. Emma, get the lemonade. (Ex- eunt Emma and Lester.) Aunt Mary. Oh, I'm so delighted to do it. I like my house filled with pretty girls. Of course her cousins can stand the comparison. They are just as attractive in their own style. Uncle John. I thought it wasn't decided which girl we were to ask. Aunt Mary. Oh, yes. I had fully made up my mind from the start. Enter Emma with lemonade and Lester with cake. Lester passes cake to Uncle John. Uncle John. This is mighty nice-looking cake. Lester. Emma made it. She's a dandy cook. (Emma reaches glass of lemonade containing small quantity to Aunt Mary, lets it fall into her lap.) Mrs. Lewis. Oh, Emma, Emma, what will you do DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 41 next? (She and Irene give their handkerchiefs to Aunt Mary to wipe dress.) Aunt Mary. Whatever can be the matter with that child ? Irene. It looks like you could be a little careful, Emma. Emma. I — I was so afraid I would spill it that I — I just went and did it. Mrs. Lewis (sighing). You always are so awk- ward. (Emma offers another glass to Aunt Mary.) Aunt Mary. No, no. I can't drink any now. I'm too nervous. Mrs. Lewis. Take it away, Emma. You have destroyed all our relish for it. Uncle John. Here, hold on! You haven't destroyed my relish for it, by jing. Just put the pitcher down here. (He and Lester indulge in cake and lemonade. Emma takes seat by Irene.) Aunt Mary. Some girls seem to lack poise — they are naturally given to involving themselves in em- barrassing predicaments. I hope it is not a family trait. I wouldn't for the world have Irene subject me to mortification among my friends at Rye Beach. Irene (to Emma). I knew you would get her un- decided about taking me. Mrs. Lewis. Oh, never fear about Irene. She is a model of self-possession. Emma (to Irene). There is a long hair on Aunt Mary's collar. Pick it off. (Irene shakes her head.) Aunt Mary. Truly she appears that way. Can you have her ready by the middle of next week? I have a list of what it will be necessary for^her to have. (Hands paper to Mrs. Lewis, who starts to read.) Emma (to Irene). You ought to pick that hair off. It will make her feel bad if she notices it. She is so correctly dressed and so neat otherwise. (Irene again shakes head. Emma rises.) I wonder who that is passing. (She takes hold of hair. Aunt Mary jumps and screams.) 42 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Aunt Mary. Mercy me ! Well, what in the world I What do you mean, anyhow? Emma. Oh, I'm so sorry, Aunt Mary. There was a hair on your collar and I thought I'd pick it off, but it must — it must — Uncle John {laughing). It must have been hitched on to her head. I guess it was. Mary, I didn't know you were so active. You certainly did jump some. Aunt Mary {rising). Really, I must be going. I am under the care of a specialist for my nerves, and he said I must under no circumstances be excited, but it seems I am not to be allowed a quiet moment here. Emma {distressed) . Oh, please, Aunt Mary, don't go on my account. I can go over to Clara's or up- stairs or somewhere. Do sit down. I'm so sorry. Uncle John. Oh, don't bother, little girl. You didn't do anything. Say, have you any more cake? Emma. Oh, yes, Uncle John, there's plenty more. Uncle John. You might fill up the pitcher again, if you don't mind. (Lester and Emma leave.) Say, you know what — I'm going to take Emma to Rye Beach with me. Aunt Mary. Indeed not. Mrs. Lewis. But Irene has been counting so much on it. Uncle John. I mean both of them. Aunt Mary. My nerves would never stand it. Uncle John. Say, before they found oil on our place you wouldn't have known a nerve if you met one on the street. Emma is one nice little girl and I'm going to give her a trip. Aunt Mary. I haven't yet recovered my poise from being precipitated over that string — so careless of her. Uncle John. You don't consider that she did a mighty kind thing — keeping a lot of troublesome chil- dren while their mother had to be away. Aunt Mary. What if she should drop lemonade or some beverage on a guest, as she did on me? I DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 43 Uncle John. Well, if the guest couldn't get over it, she could beat it for home. No one seemed to no- tice that she brought in some extra good cake with that lemonade, some she made herself. I like a girl that knows how to cook — Aunt Mary. And — Uncle John. And if you're going to say she pulled your hair, why she just meant to act kindly by you. She wanted to see you in perfect trim for your return trip. She's got a good heart. Mrs. Lewis. Oh, yes, but she's so awkward. Uncle John. And whose fault is that? I bet it's mostly yours. You've been telling her that all her life. Don't you know children are just what you make them believe they are? When I was a kid, I couldn't learn as fast as my brother Frank, and all I heard was, "Oh, John doesn't do any good at school," "No, John can't learn," "Frank is doing fine, but John can't seem to get a start," and the result was I didn't learn anything. I know now that I could have done fairly well if I had received the proper encouragement, and Emma wouldn't be awkward if you hadn't always been telling her she was. There ought to be a law passed to prevent parents everlastingly criticising their children, and I've got a blame good notion to introduce a bill to that effect in the legislature. Aunt Mary. John, don't get so excited. I'm sure I'll be glad to take Emma along if you're so deter- mined. Mrs. Lewis. But I can hardly spare her. There is so much work — Uncle John. That's just another point in her fa- vor. The modern girl is generally more of a bother than a help at home. I'll see that you have some one to assist you with the work. Here they come now. I hope Emma will be glad to hear she is going to have a vacation, and one thing I can promise her while she's with me is, that she won't hear the word "awkward." Curtain. 44 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS COLUMBUS AND THE EGG. characters. James. Herman. Ed. Inez. Leo. Clara. Scene: A school room. Discovered, Inez, Clara, Herman, Leo. They are eating their lunch. Leo must have a hard-boiled egg. Enter James and Ed. James. Well, I declare; they are not through eat- ing their lunch yet. Ed. They wasted too much time, I guess. The boys said Leo and Herman would be in here talking to Inez and Clara. Inez. Yes, they were talking to us, but we were discussing a very sensible subject till you came in and interrupted us. Clara. We were speaking of the history lesson we had this morning. James. I bet you were. Herman. We were, too. Leo. Sure we were. I like baseball, Jim, very much, as you know, but occasionally I can manage to say a few words on something besides inshoots, curves, slides, Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, etc. Herman. And we're not like you, Ed. When you're with a girl, all you think about is the hit you imagine you're making with her. Ed. That's not so. Clara. It's partly so, anyhow. While if he only knew it, the girl is not much interested in hearing that he considers her a peach, and such like foolishness. Inez. A girl likes to talk about sensible subjects once in a while. James. How very sensible we're getting! That's the second time the word has been used. Just repeat J DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 45 some of that sensible conversation. It may help Ed and me. Herman. We were talking about Columbus. Ed. Then excuse me! Columbus I We've been hearing about him ever since school started in Sep- tember. The way Miss Harris goes on about him, you'd think he was a wonder. Inez (indignantly). The idea, Ed Marks! Talking about Columbus that way! He was a wonder! Ed. What did he do so great? Got the king of France to give him a lot of ships and — Clara. That shows how much attention you pay in history class. It wasn't the king of France ; it was the queen of Spain. James. Oh, well, it was some of those great Mo- guls over there. He got the ships, anyhow, and then he came over here with them — wonderful man, wasn't he? Inez. You ought to be ashamed to talk like that. I'd just as soon make fun of my own grandfather. Leo. You don't stop to consider how different con- ditions were then. It seems a very simple matter now, but in those days, when the sailors believed the earth to be flat, and were afraid to go very far from home for fear of falling off, it was a more serious matter. Clara. Yes, and they thought there were awful monsters who would devour them when they got a few miles from land. Inez. And in spite of all this Columbus set sail and kept on ever westward till he reached America, only he thought he had gotten to India. Ed. Oh, they all had the traveling bug in those days. He wasn't the only one who set sail and kept on ever westward till he reached America. Doesn't Miss Har- ris make us go to the board and write a whole list of them every day? And I wish there were more Smiths and Joneses in those times, so their names wouldn't be so hard to spell. 46 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS James. Sure. Columbus just happened to be the first, that's all, and then it got to be a regular fad. Any morning after breakfast one of those old hi- dalgos, as he got up from the table and wiped his mus- tache on his velvet sleeve — Clara {interrupts with). How vulgar! James. Would be liable to say : "I'm going to sail and keep on ever westward till I reach America." Inez. You needn't be so smart, Jim Johnson. I guess that's what it says in the history. If I didn't know any more than you and Ed, I'd — I'd — Ed {laughing). What? Go off and die? Don't be too ladylike to say it. (Leo takes egg and tries to make it stand on end. Others watch him.) Herman. Oh, don't let's quarrel. Of course I think Columbus was a great man, but — Ed. He just happened to be the first — ^that's all. What are you trying to do with that tgg, Leo? Leo. I read once about a man who could make an Qgg stand on end. I was wondering if it could be done. Ed. It doesn't look like you're going to succeed. Let me try. {He tries — fails.) Anybody who can make an tgg stand on end must be a wiz. It can't be done. Herman. Let me try. Maybe there is some way of balancing it. {He tries — fails.) Some eggs may stand on end, but not this one. It's drunk. Leo. Do you girls want to try? Or you, Jim? Clara. Inez and I don't, I'm sure. James. You can't do it, Leo. You must be think- ing of some other trick. Leo {holding egg in hand). I can make this e^gg stand on end. Now watch me. {He strikes egg with some force on desk. The lower end is crushed and egg remains stcmding.) Clara. Well, that is a. trick. Inez. Just wait till I catch the folks at home on that. i DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 47 James. Oh, anybody could do that. Leo. I was just hoping you would say that. Yes, anybody can do it after they're shown how. And it was the same way with Columbus — the other naviga- tors were ready enough to sail far out on the ocean when Columbus had proved there were no mysterious dangers to be feared. Herman. Good for you, Leo! Ed and Jim can't say a word now. Clara. You're awfully bright, Leo, to think of that way of making them stop ridiculing Columbus. I might have known of that Qgg trick but I never would have thought of bringing it in now. Leo. Oh, I'm sorry you paid me that compliment, Clara, because now I've got to own up. I read all about it last night in an old history, and who do you think was the first to use the trick? Why, Columbus, himself. They had a big banquet in his honor when he returned from his first voyage and some of the courtiers — I guess they were jealous — were talking just like Jim and Ed. They couldn't see anything wonderful in what he had done, saying anyone could do it, so Columbus asked them if they could make an egg stand on end, and when they tried and failed he showed them. Then of course one remarked, "Oh, that's easy," and Columbus said, "Yes, when the way is pointed out." James. Well, I'll admit he was pretty slick there. Ed. So will I. I will admit anything if you boys will only «ome and play ball. It will be time for books pretty soon. Leo. All right, I feel like a game, too. But don't you boys make fun of Columbus any more. (Exeunt Leo, Herman and Ed.) James. Come on, girls, you can sit in the grand stand and root for Ed's and my side and we'll never say another word about your pet, Mr. Columbus. (Exit.) Inez. Isn't he horrid ? 48 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Clara. I believe he's only trying to tease us. Let's go watch them play ball. Curtain. EACH TO HIS TRADE. characters. Mr. Hopkins. Charlie Dalton. Uncle Charlie. Mrs. Harris. Rube Rankins. Miss Lizzie. Scene: Country store. Discovered, Mr. Hopkins and Uncle Charlie. Uncle Charlie {helping himself to cracker from box). Well, Henry, business doesn't seem to be very brisk today. Mr. Hopkins. No, but it is early, hardly half-past twelve. Folks haven't gotten into town yet. Uncle. Oh, I stopped in at Blank's just before I came up here and they were crowded — all the clerks just rushed to death. Mr. Hopkins. Is that so? Uncle. Yes, but then you know Blank under- stands how to run a store, grew up with the business, he did — not like you, starting in after spending the best part of your life at farming. Well, here comes one customer for you. Enter Rube Rankins. Rube Rankins. Hello, Uncle Charlie. Howdy, Henry. Mr. Hopkins. Good afternoon. Rube. Something for you? Rube. Oh, no. I brought the women folks in to get their spring finery. They are down at Blank's. But it's too crowded to wait around there for them. Thought I'd come up here where I wouldn't get my corns stepped on. {Seats himself and takes cracker from box.) i DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 49" Mr. Hopkins {aside). Who told them those crack- ers were free? I'm going to put them out of their reach. (Steps nearer door.) Wonder what the pros- pects are for a good rain? {Others step to door. Mr. Hopkins pushes cracker box further up on counter.) Uncle {resuming seat). Not a cloud in the sky. Rube. No, and we're needing a good shower. Uncle. Say, Rube, push that cracker box down this way before you sit down. Seems like it moved. (Rube complies and takes seat. Mr. Hopkins is in- dignant.) Well, here comes the Widow Harris. She's bringing you some produce, Henry. Enter Mrs. Harris. Mrs. Harris {placing basket on counter). Well, Henry, I've eight pounds of the nicest fresh butter you ever saw. What are you paying? Mr. Hopkins. Butter is twenty-five cents today, Mrs. Harris. Mrs. Harris. Lawsy me ! That's awful low ! And me a poor widow woman having to make my own liv- ing since Jim has — has gone to a better world. Uncle {aside). I don't doubt it's a better world for him, poor fellow. He's having a little rest now. {To Mr. Hopkins.) Say, Henry, if you buy that but- ter, put it out in the shed, will you? Mrs. Harris {very indignantly). What do you mean ? This butter is fresh, perfectly fresh. I churned it this morning. Uncle. Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Don't get ex- cited, Mrs. Harris. I was just advisin' Henry. In fact, if I was him, I'd put it out in the yard under a tree and, mebbe he'd better tie it with a good stout rope. {Laughs.) Mrs. Harris {indignantly). If that's the way you let your customers be talked to, Henry Hopkins, I'll certainly not patronize you. I'll go down to Blank's where they know how to treat a person. {Seizes bas- ket and marches from store.) Uncle. Well, lawsy me! She certainly did get 50 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS riled. Why, everyone knows she doesn't make good butter. She knows it herself. Mr. Hopkins. I wish you hadn't said that, Uncle Charlie. Now she will never trade with me. Uncle. Why, I did him a favor, didn't I, Rube? He'd have got stuck with those eight pounds of butter and never would have got rid of them, or at least not for twenty-five cents. You'd have lost money, Henry. Why, here comes Miss Lizzie. Wonder what she wants. (Uncle and Rube glance toward door.) Mr. Hopkins (shoving cracker box beyond their reach). I wish he'd let me 'tend to my own business. Enter Miss Lizzie. Miss Lizzie. Good afternoon, gentlemen. {They respond.) Mr. Hopkins, I came to see what you could do for me in the line of candy. I've promised the children a treat — my Sunday School class, you know — and down at Blank's they want thirty cents a pound. Just imagine, thirty cents. Mr. Hopkins. I'm afraid I can't do any better than that, Miss Lizzie. You know everything has gone up. Miss Lizzie. But thirty cents for the ordinary mixed candy? The kind with gum drops in it? Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie, it's thirty cents — that's the cheapest I have. Miss Lizzie. Well, I suppose I'll have to take it. Let's see. I have twenty-five in my class and I want about a fourth of a pound for each — that will make about six pounds, and six times thirty — oh, dear, it will come to almost two dollars. Uncle. Why, Miss Lizzie, you're a rich old m — {she glances at him sternly) I mean — I mean — Mr. Hopkins {aside). I wish he'd go down to Blank's. He'll drive away all my trade. {To Miss Lizzie.) Do you want to take the candy with you. Miss Lizzie? Miss Lizzie. No, I'll send some of the children after it. I Want you to put each child's portion in a DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 51 little paper poke, and each one must contain the same number of pieces. You'll take care, won't you, Mr. Hopkins ? Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie. They'll all be the same. Miss Lizzie. Then good afternoon, Mr. Hopkins. Good afternoon, gentlemen. {They reply. Exit Miss Lizzie.) Uncle. Well, you'll have something to do now, Henry. Get to work at filling your little paper pokes, and whatever you do, don't put four pieces in one and five in another- Mr. Hopkins. I wish you'd be a little careful how you talk to my customers, Uncle Charlie. Uncle. Oh, she didn't hear me start to call her an old maid. {Reaches backward for a cracker.) Seems like that cracker box must have legs. {Goes to box,) Enter Miss Lizzie unseen by Uncle. Uncle {continuing). What's she so particular for, any way? She is an old maid. Why, she and I went to school together. She's fifty or sixty anyhow. {Turns and sees Miss Lizzie, who glares at him. Uncle is much confused.) Oh, er — er — you're back again. Miss Lizzie. Er — er — nice day, isn't it? Mr. Hopkins. Something else today. Miss Lizzie? Miss Lizzie, I must protest at the way you allow your customers to be spoken of, Mr. Hopkins. Uncle. Why, I wasn't talking about you. Miss Lizzie. I was remarking that the Widow Harris and I went to school together. Why, you're not fifty or sixty. Why, you can't be more than forty-five at the most. Miss Lizzie {with dignity). I'll be thirty my next birthday. (Uncle and Rube laugh aloud, then try to look serious.) Mr. Hopkins {in low voice to Miss Lizzie). Don't mind them, Miss Lizzie. They have been act- ing queer ever since they came in this afternoon. I think they — they've had a touch of the sun. ^ DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Miss Lizzie. Well, that's the most charitable con- struction to put on their conduct. What I wanted to see you about this time — it occurred to me that per- haps some of the pieces might be larger than others. Now, when you're filling the little paper pokes, you will try to have the candy all the same size, won't you, Mr. Hopkins? Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie, I'll see to it. Miss Lizzie- That will be all. Good afternoon, Mr. Hopkins. {Ignores the others. Exit.) Uncle. Say, she's not a bit particular about that candy, is she? You'd better get you a tape line, Henry, and measure each piece. Mr. Hopkins {aside). I wish he'd go home. (To Uncle.) It's a wonder she didn't countermand the order — the way she heard you talking about her. Rube. Good thing for you she didn't, Henry. It's all you've sold the whole afternoon. But, then, I guess at that you're as good a storekeeper as the fellow who rented your farm is a farmer. I was out there the first time he tried to hitch up his team, and he was bucklin' the collars of the horses under their necks. (Rube and Uncle laugh.) Uncle. Yes, sir. I heard about that. He's about sick of the country, Mr. Harold Simpson is. He said to me the other day, '*I thought anyone could farm — that it came natural like ; but I've found out." Rube. You bet he's found out. But I think he never would have risked giving up a fine job in the city and come down here if it hadn't been for his wife. She had visited quite a bit in the country, and she seemed to think it was nothing but fried chicken, strawberries and cream, and going to picnics and fish- ing parties. Uncle. She's learned something about chickens, though. My wife was out there last week, and Mrs. Simpson was takin' on because all her little chicks A^ere dying. Jennie asked her about the feed and drinking water and sleeping quarters, and all seemed DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 53 satisfactory, and then she said, "Have you examined their heads?" Mrs. Simpson said, "No, not particu- larly. They seem all right. Why should I examine their heads?" Jennie kind of hated to tell such a fine lady what might be on their heads, but they went out to look at the chicks, and such was the case. My wife told her she'd have to do something right away or they'd all die, and Mrs. Simpson said, "But what can I do ? With so many things to do, how can I find time to comb all their heads?" (All laugh.) Yes, sir, she was sure going to use a fine comb on those chicks. Rube. So that's some consolation, Henry. You were a good farmer, and he was doing fine in the city, but when you tried your hands at something you didn't understand, you fell down. (Looks at watch.) I'd better be moving. Uncle. I'd better be getting along down to Blank's, too, and see if I can't hurry the folks up with their tradin'. Take some crackers, Rube. (He com- plies.) They are not very good, but a fellow likes to have something to pick at. Mr. Hopkins (aside). Wonder how many he'd eat if he liked 'em. Uncle. Well, so long, Henry. Guess I'll be in tomorrow. Rube. I'll drop in again, too, Henry. It must be lonesome in here all day by yourself with nothing to do. Goodbye. Mr. Hopkins. Goodbye. (Exeunt Rube and Un- cle.) It's lonesome enough, I'll admit that, but I wonder if they think they're cheerful company. Well, here comes Charlie Dalton. I'm glad to have some- body with a little sense. Enter Charlie Dalton. Charlie. Well, Henry. How's ever3rthing? Mr. Hopkins. Well, not very good. Charlie, What? Not tired of storekeeping al- ready ? 54 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mr. Hopkins. Say, I hate this — this blame old store so bad that some day — well, for two cents I'd burn it down. Charlie. Well, this makes it easy for me. You see I undertook a commission for Harold Simpson. He wants to know on what terms he can leave your farm. He's going back to the city. Mr. Hopkins. He is? Charlie. Yes, I was over there yesterday. He had just told his wife and she was crying fit to kill. Har- old hated it pretty bad, but he kept on saying that he couldn't help it, he was losing all his money, he didn't know how to farm, couldn't learn, and didn't want to learn; that he despised a horse and never wanted to see a cow again; that he must have been crazy when he left the city, and so forth. His wife came to enough to talk then, and it seems she was crying for joy. I often heard of that, but never saw it before. She's good and sick of the farm, too, but she pestered him so to move down here that she didn't want to be the one to give up first. She was keen to leave on last night's train, but Harold said he'd have to see you. He was afraid you wouldn't like his giving up the farm now, and finally asked me to talk to you. I told him it was my opinion you would not hold him to his bargain. Mr. Hopkins. I guess not. Why, I'd be willing to pay him good money to get my farm back. I'll move out there right away. But say, what about my wife — wonder what she'll think about it? Charlie. I'm pretty sure she'll be just as glad as Mrs. Simpson was, at least my wife said she would be, and she's most generally right. Mr. Hopkins. Say, that's great ! I'll go home and get them started to packing up right away, and then I'll run out to Fred Black's and look at the team he has to sell. I'll have to stir around some, as it's pretty late in the season, and Simpson hasn't put in enough to winter an old hen. But I feel ten years younger DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 55 already, and I'll show you fellows out there some- thing about farming. Come on. Let's go. I want you to go out to Black's with me. Charlie. But look here! What about the store? You can't go off like this and leave it. Mr. Hopkins. That's just what I can do. Hurry up or I'll stick a match to it yet. I'll stop in at Blank's and tell him to take the stock. He's a good fellow and he'll pay me what's right — all except that box of crackers. I'll give what's left to Uncle Charlie. Charlie. Well, I guess you can do that. Yes, that will be the best, and say, Henry, I want to tell you how glad we'll all be to have you back with us. Nothing has seemed the same since you moved to town. Mr. Hopkins. Thanks, Charlie. But you can't be as glad as I am. Why, in here life has been nothing but just dragging along. I couldn't get up any en- thusiasm. No wonder folks didn't patronize me. Why, I wouldn't have bought a — a pair of shoe strings from myself. But back on the farm — back where I really belong — come on, Charlie, you just watch me. {Turns to audience.) I've learned this: A fish out of water has nothing on a farmer off of his farm. Curtain. 56 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS ENTERTAINMENTS. characters. Levi Jones. Emma. Uriah Larkin. May. Samuel Meadows. Mrs. Caxton. Miss Mathews. Mrs. Barton. Laura. Mrs. Keller. Act L Scene: Living room. Discovered, Jones, Larkin and Meadows. Jones. There is one thing that we kinder over- looked, men, when we hired that there teacher. Meadows. What is that, Jones? Jones. Why, we should have shut down on enter- tainments and not have so much of the children's time taken up with them. Larkin. That's so. But there is no danger of an entertainment so early in the term of school. Jones. Yes, there is. Harry says Miss Mathews is getting up an entertainment for Columbus Day, the twelfth of this month. Meadows. Too bad! Too bad! Wasting the time of the children that should be given to readin', writin' and 'rithmetic. Who was Columbus, anyhow? Jones. Why — why, let me see. Oh, yes! He was a great sailor and he sailed around the world. Meadows. Well, what good did that do? Every- body knows the earth is round. Larkin. I learnt in my geography that part of the world is water and part is land. I don't see how he sailed on the land part. Jones. I don't, either ; so we won't waste any time about it. What are we goin' to do *bout that there entertainment? Meadows. Why, Jones, you go see Miss Mathews and tell her to call it off. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 57 Jones. I won't go by myself. Larkin. I don't think you need me. Two mem- bers of the Board is plenty. Jones. It's your duty as member of the Board to help us look after the school. Larkin {reluctantly). Well, when are you goin'? Jones. That's the question. {Pause.) I have it. We'll go Friday afternoon, when visitors are expected. Meadows. All right, Jones. You'll have to do the **"''»S. Curtain. Act II. Scene: School room. Discovered, Miss Mathews, the teacher, seated at desk reading. Enter Laura, Emma and May. Laura. Oh, Miss Mathews, did you hear that we can't have the entertainment on Columbus Day? Miss Mathews. No, Laura, I did not hear of it. Why can't we have our little program as we had planned ? Laura. Why, the Board had a meeting and they said entertainments are a waste of time. Miss Mathews. I am sorry they take that view, but perhaps they will go no further than a mere ex- pression of opinion. May. Yes they will. And they're coming this afternoon. Miss Mathews How did you get your informa- tion? Laura. Harry Jones's father is one of the direc- tors and Harry heard him talking about it and brought the news to school. Miss Mathews. It is to be regretted that we did not know the feelings of the directors before. Emma. Yes, we nearly know our parts now. Di- rectors are a nuisance, aren't they. Miss Mathews? 58 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Miss Mathews (hastily). The hour is nearly up, so perhaps you girls had better retire and be ready to form in line when the bell rings. (Exeunt girls.) Here are our visitors now. Enter Jones, Larkin and Meadows. Jones (after directors have spoken to teacher and have taken seats). We came a little early, Miss Mathews, because we wanted to have a talk with you before books. Miss Mathews. I acknowledge the honor, Mr. Jones. What have you to impart? Jones. We've heard that you intend to have an entertainment for Columbus Day. Is that so? Miss Mathews. Yes. I had intended to honor one of our greatest historical characters and at the same time to give the children an opportunity of train- ing in literary work by having a few exercises on the twelfth. Jones. Well Miss Mathews, the members of the Board think entertainments are a waste of time. Meadows. Yes, I agree with Brother Jones. What did Columbus do except sail around the world ? Every- body knows that the world is round. Larkin. And part of it is water and part is land. I don't see how he got around the land part of it. Miss Mathews. With due respect, I beg leave to say that there is no record of Columbus having sailed around the world. Magellan first and afterward Sir Francis Drake — Enter Mrs. Caxton, Mrs. Barton and Mrs. Kel- ler. Miss Mathews (after ladies have greeted her cor- dially and taken seats). I am very sorry, but as promptitude is one of the essentials of proper train- ing for children, and the hour of recreation is up, I must ring the bell. Jones. Wait a minute. The Board can allow you a little more free time. We would like to hear what DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 59 the ladies have to say on the subject. I am sure they will be on our side. We were talking about the Columbus Day entertainment and we are agin it. Mrs. Caxton. Why don't you want an entertain- ment on Columbus Day, Levi Jones? Jones. These entertainments take up too much of the time of the children from their other studies, such as readin', writin' and 'rithmetic. Mrs. Caxton. And are readin', writin' and 'rith- metic the only studies? How about history? Larkin. I don't see much use in history. What good does it do us to know what people did a hundred or a thousand years ago? What good does it do us to know that Columbus sailed around the world? Mrs. Keller. Excuse me, but did you say that Columbus sailed around the world? Larkin. Brother Jones said he did. Jones. I must have got mixed on the names. It was Sir Francis Magellan I was thinking of. Mrs. Keller. I rather think you are mixed. Now, I want to say that I'm for this entertainment. Mrs. Barton. So am I. My girls have been talk- ing at home of Columbus ever since the entertain- ment was thought of, and I've learned a lot about him. He was a great man who has never received enough honor in the country he discovered. Mrs- Caxton. That's just what I say. And it's been because folks know so little about him. When we went to school we studied readin', writin' and 'rithmetic {with a stern glance at members of the School Board) and not much of anything else. That's why we get mixed on other subjects. Jones. Miss Mathews, mebbe you'd better ring the bell and call the children in for books. Miss Mathews. Am I to conclude, then, that we must give up the Columbus Day entertainment? Mrs. Keller. Certainly not. Miss Mathews. You are to go right ahead. All the ladies of the district are in favor of it. We had a meeting of the sewing 60 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS circle yesterday and I know. (The members of the School Board whisper together for a moment.) Jones. The Board is in favor of the entertainment, Miss Mathews. Larkin. Yes, we believe in being progressive. Meadows. We are not like some directors who think the children should give all their time to nothin' but readin', writin' and 'rithmetic. (The members of the School Board draw themselves up proudly.) Mrs. Barton (laughing). There's nothing like knowing when you're beat. (To Miss Mathews.) I'll tell you a secret. Miss Mathews. We are going to bring baskets and have a little spread after the exer- cises. Miss Mathews. Why, that will be delightful. Larkin. That seems to me a right sensible idea. Meadows. Will you need any help? The Board will come over and fix up the table. Jones. Yes, we'll be on hand any time you say. (Ladies smile.) Mrs. Caxton. Just see how interested they are as soon as they hear the word "baskets." Ring the bell, Miss Mathews, or the first thing you know they will be taking the credit for the idea of the whole entertainment. Curtain. IT'S EASY TO COOK. characters. Mrs. Perkins. Ed. Mr. Perkins. Bill. Scene: Farm kitchen. Enter Mr. Perkins. Mr. Perkins (hobbling across stage and dropping heavily into chair) . Well, today is going to be another scorcher. (Fans himself zvith hat.) Ed and Bill are doing fine work with the corn, though. They are DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 61 good hands and I was certainly lucky to get them, with farm help so scarce and me laid up with this Enter Mrs. Perkins. Mrs. Perkins. Well, Elias! Pve been all over the farm. Where on earth were you? Mr. Perkins. Why, Elviry, I was just roamin' 'round, admirin' the beauties of natcher, as Prof. Collins tells us to do. Mrs. Perkins. Well, after this admire what you can see from your chair on the porch. I was scared to death — thought mebbe you fell in a gully or some- thing. And me traipsin' all over the place with my Sunday dress on — it's most ruint, I guess. Next time you let me know when you take a notion to go out admirin'. Mr. Perkins. Yes, yes, Elviry. But what are you all spruced up for? Mrs. Perkins. I'm going to Elmville. I got a long distance message. Carrie is going to be married this evening. Mr. Perkins. I thought it was next week. Mrs. Perkins. Her man got word he has to go to Chicago to take that job right away, so they had to move the weddin' up — and PU be gone till late to- morrow evenin' an' you no place around so I could tell you about feedin' the chickens, and waterin' the flowers, and takin' care of the bird, and settin' out some cabbage and tomato plants, and gatherin' the strawberries and coopin' up the broody hens and — Mr. Perkins. Oh, help! Help! Say, there's an auto stopped at the gate. Mrs. Perkins. Oh, good gracious me! Are they here already? That's the Brown's, Pm going to the station with them, but I don't see what's their rush. The train doesn't leave for a good hour yet. I can't keep them waiting though. (Puts on bonnet, looks for gloves, hand hag, etc.) You'll have to call up Sairy Johnson and get her to come over to do the 62 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS cookin' and the milkin'. She promised she would but of course she thinks the weddin' won't be till next week. You call her up the first thing you do so she will get here in plenty time to fix dinner. And tell her she'll have to make up the bread. There isn't a scrap in the house. (Oh, I wish they'd quit tootin' that horn. They know I'm comin'.) I could have made the bread and some pies, and have her called up 'neverything if I didn't have to go lookin' for you. (There's that horn again. I'm most crazy.) Now, call her up the first thing. You know she's slow and Ed and Bill are particular 'bout their eatin' and if they quit and go to the city like they're always threat- ening, where will you be with all your work and that foot of yours? {Turns to door.) Oh, I'm comin'. {To Mr. Perkins) Now, don't dilly-dally because there's a picnic out on the Saline and she might take a notion to go and you know there isn't another soul you could get for love or money to do the cookin'. Mr. Perkins. I could do it myself. It's easy to cook. Mrs. Perkins {stamping her foot). Elias Per- kins, don't you dare to start up that tune: "It's easy to cook." What do you know about it? You never as much as fried an tgg in your life. — Oh, just listen to them. Goodbye. {Hurried exit.) Mr. Perkins. Elviry ! Oh, Elviry ! Mrs. Perkins re-entering. Mrs. Perkins. Well, what? They'll go oflF and leave me in a minute. Mr. Perkins. Elviry, aren't you going to leave me a lock of your hair? (Mrs. Perkins leaves without replying. Mr. Per- kins laughs.) Mr. Perkins. I love to tease Elviry. {Picks up paper from table.) Well, let's see what the news is. I haven't read the county paper yet. {Reads — makes following comments.) Well, well, so Sim Leaders has DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS' 63 sold his farm. Wonder what he'll do now. Practice law, mebbe. Ever since he got that copy of "Every Man His Own Lawyer" he hasn't been worth a cent. And Jim Graham has bought an automobile. I'll soon be the only one in this part of the county without one, but I always said I'd wait till there wasn't a cent of debt on my place and that I'll stick to. {Various local items may he introduced here.) Well, Well, I like this! (Reads.) Elias Perkins is on the crippled list as the result of trying to break a fractious colt without assistance. Better remember you're no longer a boy, Elias. (Throws paper aside.) I've a notion to call "The Clarion" up and tell them something about printing such stufif. Everybody knows it was the fault of those joy-riding boys — but I guess I'll get Sairy first and have her start dinner. ( Takes down receiver — if not convenient to have telephone box in- stalled, the audience will very likely he indulgent and he satisfied with the motions.) Oh, of course, the line is busy — and it's Sweetie talking to Freddie. I guess they're good for an hour. (Listens.) He wants to take her to the festival Sunday but nothin' doing. Mamma won't let her go with him. I wish mamma would come in and put her to work so's I could use the line. (Listens.) Oh, she says mamma has gone to town. That's why she's having such a nice long talk with Freddie. Young folks have it easy now. When I was sparkin' Elviry, I had to ride ten miles to have a little conversation with her. I remember one cold Sunday evenin'. My folks told me to stay at home, but of course you couldn't have tied me. I was set on goin' but when I got to Elviry's I was most froze. Yes, sir. I was stiff as a board. The old horse stopped accordin' to custom at the gate and Elviry's dad happened out on the porch to get a stick of stove wood and saw me. Well, he sure raved. He helped me in, though, and thawed me out, but just as I was beginnin' to feel all right again and expectin' Elviry in every minute to tell me what a hero I was to 64 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS brave such weather for her sake, here comes the old man with a patent foot-warmer of his, his old sheep skin coat and a couple of comforts. He takes me out to my buggy, telling me all over again what he thinks of me, tucks me in, and heads me for home. His parting words were something about a "blame young fool" and I kind of think he was referrin' to me. Yes, sir, that was one occasion when I didn't cover myself with glory. {Listens.) Say, they're havin' a quarrel now. This is getting serious — they'll fuss a while and then make up again for half an hour or so, and in the meantime Sairy will go off to that picnic. I'll have to take measures. {Speaks into transmitter in high nasal tones.) Say, Sweetie, excuse me for interruptin' but your ma is right at the gate. {Laughs.) It worked! It worked like a charm. You ought to have heard her squeal and bang up that receiver. Her ma sure doesn't like Freddie. {Rings — no answer — rings again and again.) Hello! Oh, for the land's sakes! I drew Uncle Billy. Hello, Uncle Billy! I want to talk to Sairy. {Pause.) To Sairy — to your sister-in-law — to the Widow Johnson. {Pause.) Do I want to borrow some molasses? Now, who the mischief said anything about molasses? {Loudly.) Uncle Billy, tell Sairy to come to the phone, or — or somebody {in lower tone) who's not as deaf as a concrete fence-post. {Pause.) He's talking about the weather now. Wonder if he thinks I called him up for a little chat. Now he's switched off to the picnic. What! What's that! Well, say, I'm up against it now. He says the whole family, Sairy included, have gone off to that bloomin' picnic. {Hangs up receiver.) Now, who's going to get dinner? I don't know of anyone else I could call on and it's later than I thought, and Ed and Bill will be in for dinner before I know it. What'U I do? {Pause.) What business did Sairy Johnson have goin' on a picnic? Why couldn't she stay where she would be of some use? {Pause.) Wonder if I couldn't fix up a little some- DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 65 thing for the boys and then this afternoon I can make arrangements to go after Sairy. {Pause.) Yes, that's what I'll do. They won't be fussy for one meal and besides I guess I can cook all right. I always get away with anything I try and I've often watched Elviry. I'll fry them some ham — bread and meat are the main — but Elviry said there wasn't any bread — oh, well I'll mix up a few biscuits. They are always glad when they see biscuits on the table. And per- haps I'll make a couple of pies. The boys deserve good board for they are fine fellows. Now, the meat the first thing. {Takes up knife.) Wonder what El- viry did with that ham she cut into for breakfast — oh, there it is under that cloth on the table {a small table at left of stage. Goes to table, turns his back to audience and pretends to cut meat. Suddenly drops knife, utters sharp exclamation, faces audience with thumb wrapped in handkerchief, previously stained with red ink) I've cut my thumb, I've cut my thumb! {Jumps around, hurts sore foot.) I've cut it most off. Look how it bleeds! {Drops into chair.) And Elviry not here to bandage it and I don't know where she keeps the turpentine — I'm liable to take blood poison and — oh, look at the time ! {Rises, ties handkerchief on thumb with a piece of twine.) I've got to hurry up that dinner. {Goes to left of stage and returns with pan of flour.) I guess I'll make the biscuits first and then the pies. Oh, my thumb ! Now, let me think a minute. What does Elviry put in her bis- cuits? Oh, yes, salt, of course, and soda. {Adds lib- eral handful of salt and heaping teaspoonful of soda.) I never noticed how much soda she puts in. {Adds another spoonful.) I guess that ought to be enough but mebbe I ought to add a little more. I'd hate to have them flat. The boys would never get done guy- ing me. {Adds another spoonful.) Now, she mixes them with milk, but I don't know where it is so I guess water will be all right for once. {Adds water and starts to mix.) Say, it's gettin' all stuck to my 66 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS hand. {Pause.) There ain't hardly any left in the pan. {Tries to shake dough off.) It never acts that way for Elviry. {Tries to remove dough with left hand, gets both hopelessly covered.) Well, what the Sam Hill am I goin' to do now? {Holds up hands.) The whole blame dinner is rig'ht here on my hands. Enter Ed and Bill. Bill. Dinner ready? Well, what in the world? Ed. What's the old man up to? Mr. Perkins. The missus went to Carrie's weddin' and Sairy Johnson went on a picnic so I thought I'd get dinner, but the biscuits sort of — sort of stuck on my hands. Bill. Sort of! I think they did. (Ed and Bill laugh.) Mr. Perkins {indignantly). Laugh! Laugh, you two big stiffs! Mebbe you never tried to make bis- cuits — you'd see how funny it is with the bloomin* dough all over your hands — and your thumb cut, and your foot sore. Bill. Say, I'm sorry, boss. {To Ed.) Hush, Ed. He's a pretty good old scout. Ed. Yes, he is. Let's help him. {They take knives and scrape dough from hands.) Now, that's the worst. We'll get you a pan of water and you can wash the rest off. Then you clear out of here and we'll get dinner. {Exeunt Bill and Ed, laugh- ing.) Mr. Perkins. Well, those boys are just all right. They never made near as much fun of me as they could. I kind of think they'll find their wages a little higher than they expected. {Pause.) Never again will I say to Elviry that it's easy to cook. Curtain. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 67 JOHN'S LUCKY DAY. characters. Gladys. Julie. John. Charlie. Scene: Living room. Enter Charlie and John. Charlie. Just take a seat, Mr. Elwood. I'll tell Gladys you're here. John. Thank you, Charlie. (Takes Charlie's hand in his.) Charlie. Oh, thank you, Mr. Elwood. (Turns to audience, holding up coin.) It's fifty cents. (Exit Charlie.) John (standing by table, facing audience). Now that I have made up my mind to ask the momentous question, I find my courage leaving me. I would not venture all so soon only I have to go on that trip and may be gone for months. If she returns an un- favorable answer, my whole future is blighted. Had I not better wait and try still more to advance in her good graces ? (Picks up Gladys' photo from table and gases at it.) So charming! So winsome! So adorable! What can she see in me? And yet some- thing tells me I have met with a little favor. (Pause.) I hear her light foot-step. (Pause.) I am going to adopt a Httle plan I have thought of. I'll hide behind this sofa. (A couple of chairs with cover thrown over will answer for sofa.) And judge from her first exclamation of surprise if she is sufficiently dis- appointed at not seeing me to encourage me to pro- ceed with my original intention. There she is! (Takes hat and hides behind sofa. He is concealed from Gladys but in view of audience.) Enter Gladys. Gladys (Glancing around room, surprised, then as- suming an angry expression.) That little imp! I'll 68 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS teach him to play tricks on me! (John turns sur- prised face toward audience. Gladys goes to door.) Charlie! Charlie, come here. (Turns toward audi- ence.) I thought it strange for John to call on Mon- ^ ^* Charlie re-enters room. Charlie {surprised). Where's John? Gladys {advancing and taking Charlie hy ear). I'll teach you a lesson, my lad. Charlie {squirming). Ouch! You hurt! Gladys. I mean to hurt. If you ever try to be smart again, young man ! Charlie {pulling away) . What you mean? Smart? Gladys {seizing Charlie's arm). Telling me John was here! Charlie. He was here. Gladys. Oh, fudge ! Tried to play a trick and then afraid to own up. Charlie. I was out on the porch when he came. I brought him in here and went right away to tell you. I can't help it if he went off again. Gladys. I ought to tell pa and have him give you a lickin' for telling lies. {Takes Charlie to door and pushes him out. Turns again toward audience.) That little smart Aleck! I'll have to keep him under from now on. I never thought he'd have the nerve to try to play a trick on me. He got that from Jim Brown. He is always fooling Mabel about her fellow. Well, I'll teach Charlie it doesn't pay. {Takes chair near table.) I'm kind of glad it was only Charlie trying to be funny after all. I don't feel like talking to John this evening. A person has to be so particular. He gets shocked as easily as some prim old maid. {Pause.) I don't know, though. Coming on Mon- day, I was pretty sure he would have something spe- cial to say, but then I can get him to propose any time I want to. {More surprise on John's part.) And I guess 111 let him, pretty soon, if only to spite Clara Kerr. She thinks she can beat my time, the goose! DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 69 He's got money, too, and of course that makes up for a lot, but o'h, that mug of his! (John is indignant. Gladys picks up John's photo and gases at it.) He certainly was greedy when ears were passed around. His nose started out to be a Roman and then must have gotten discouraged. I heard that Clara raves over his wonderful eyes — well, maybe they suit her. And if he only knew how to dress — {Glances toward door.) There's dad coming! Well, he's not going to sit in here. I'm going to have one room in this house kept in order. (Goes to door.) You don't need to come in here with that old pipe of yours and your dusty shoes. (Pause.) I don't care if it is hot in the other rooms. Go sit on the porch. (Pause.) Oh, you're getting mighty particular! What if there are a few mosquitoes out there ? I'm not going to have everybody stick in here all the time — that's flat. (Returns to chair. Listens.) Well, if there isn't mamma calling now! I never have a bit of peace. (Goes to door.) Well? (Pause.) Come and wash the dishes? The very idea! (Pause.) You say Lizzie is not feeling well? You ought to know it's pure laziness and noth- ing else. (Pause.) She's gone to bed? Well, she can get up again, I guess. (John is horrified.) I see my- self washing dishes. (Resumes chair.) Paying two dollars a bottle for that new cream for my hands and then putting them in dish water. (Picks up Johns's photo again.) A girl cannot be blamed for taking a fel- low that looks even like this, in order to get away from such drudgery at home. I'll certainly have it understood right at the start that I'll have plenty of ^* Enter Julie. Julie. Gladys, won't you fix up my finger? It hurts. Take off the bandage and see if you can't do something for it. Gladys. Haven't I told you a dozen times, Julie, to keep out of this room? Julie. But won't you fix my finger? 70 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Gladys. Oh, bother your finger. (Starts to polish her finger nails.) Julie. Gladys, won't you look at it? (Gladys pays no attention. Examines her finger nails critically.) The doctor said my finger ought to be fixed every day. Gladys. He didn't say I had to do it, did he? Go to mamma. Julie. She is washing the dishes. There are so many, she said it would take her an hour, (Gladys resumes polishing of nails.) Gladys. This cream is doing my hands absolutely no good. I saw some of a different kind advertised in this evening's paper. I must send for it. Julie (placing her hand on Gladys' shoulder). Gladys, my finger hurts. Gladys (rising impatiently). You're a regular little nuisance! (Seises Julie's arm.) Go on out to the kitchen and wait till mamma gets through. (Rushes Julie from room. Resumes seat.) I wonder if every girl is as much worried with her brothers and sisters as I am. (Picks up John's photo again.) His collar doesn't fit, and that tie! He has the most wretched taste. (Listens.) If there isn't mamma calling again! Was anybody ever imposed on like I am! (Slams photo on table and leaves room.) John (emerging from behind sofa). Oh, what if I hadn't played that trick! This is my lucky day all right. (Hurried exit.) Curtain. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 71 LITTLE HYPOCRITES. Louis. rvxvrvv^ J. i:.xv. a. Veva. Medford. Emma. Roy. Etta. Dan. Fanny, colored. Aunt Carrie. Lily. Mattie :. Scene : Living room. Discovered, Veva and Louis. Louis. Well, I tell you I can't hold in much longer. Did you say she was going home the end of this week? Veva. Hush! Don't talk so loud. I've told you over and over again that she would stay till mamma and papa got home, but they said in their last letter they would be sure to be here Friday at the latest, so that's only two more days and you and the rest of the bunch better behave till then if you know what's good for you. Louis. How you talk ! A person would think you were a regular little angel yourself. Veva. I don't pretend to be an angel, but I've got common sense enough to know if we make a hit with Aunt Carrie, it will be a good thing for us. You know she's almost as good as promised she'll buy us an automobile. She's got all kinds of money and not a soul in the world but us and Uncle John's folks. Louis. And they don't count. She's angry because they treated her so cool when she was there last summer. Veva {laughing). She can't say that about us. I've been so sweet to her all the time she's been here that I'm beginning to feel — sticky. 12 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Louis. So am I. And if she were to be here longer than Friday, I beHeve I'd have to break loose, but maybe I can hold in till then. You'd better give those kids a calling down, though. They're acting pretty fresh lately, and I believe Aunt Carrie is begin- ning to suspect we are not as good as we are trying to appear. Veva. I'll settle them. They are not going to spoil the game this late in the day. Louis. Better make it good and strong. Dan and Etta Brown are coming over and you know how Roy and Medford act when those two kids are here. Veva. And Emma is not a bit better. My, if papa and mamma were only here during Aunt Carrie's visit, we might have some show then. Louis. But she wouldn't have come if they didn't have to go to the city. You know she wrote she was coming to take charge of the **little dears" while they were away. Veva. And of all the directions I got from mamma about behaving — Louis. Papa made his directions to me short — that I'd get the worst licking of my life if Aunt Carrie didn't have a good opinion of us at the end of her visit. He's as keen about that automobile as we are. Veva. And mamma has been talking to her friends as if we already had it. Well, it's only two more days. My, I'll be glad when she's gone — tiresome old busybody. It's a good thing for her she's got money, because nobody'd make much of a fuss over her if she hadn't. Louis. You said something then. Well, let's look up the rest of the kids. I made them go down to the pasture so they wouldn't disturb Aunt Carrie. We'll tell them what's what before Dan and Etta get here. {Exeunt Veva and Louis.) Enter Aunt Carrie. Aunt Carrie. I have had a most refreshing sleep. Louis sent the children to the pasture so they would not DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS n awaken me. He's such a thoughtful lad — but they are all dear children. They are wonderful, simply won- derful, but — (pauses, shakes her head). No, it is a most unworthy suspicion and I know if their own father, my dear brother Charles, had lived I would never entertain it. But this step-father of theirs — could he have prompted them to be so attentive to me and to behave in such a model manner just to gain my good will and so perchance some of my money? And their mother — such a worldly woman — whatever poor Charles saw in her, I can't imagine. He wasn't long in his grave, poor fellow, when she picked up this step-father for her children. (Pause,) Even though he is a step-father, I'd hate to do him an injustice — but these children are too good — it's not natural. I was a child myself once, though many years ago, and I know something about children. (Pause.) If they are really as good as they seem, I wouldn't mind buying the finest automobile on the market for them, but no one is going to get any of Caroline M. Wilson's money under false pretenses. I'll see to that. (Exit Aunt Carrie.) Enter Louis, Veva, Medford, Roy, Emma, Dan and Etta. Veva (to smaller children who are very noisy). For the land of livin'! Didn't I tell you all to be quiet. Sit down and be still. Dan. What for? We came over to play. Veva. I'll play you. Don't talk so loud. Etta. He can talk loud if 'he wants to. It's no fun here. Let's go home, Dan. Veva. I wish you would. Louis. Oh, no. Don't go. Everybody sit down. (All are seated.) We'll play something — some kind of a game that won't make much noise. (To Veva.) Aunt Carrie might see them going so early and ask questions. Medford. We want to play down in the pasture 74 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS where we can make as much noise as we please. Why did you make us come up here? Veva. I'm afraid Aunt Carrie might not Hke it if you children are never in the house during her visit. Emma. I'm just tired of hearing about Aunt Carrie all the time. Roy. So am I. She's nothing but a cranky old maid, anyhow. Veva (placing her hand over Roy's mouth). Roy Wilson, don't you ever dare to say anything like that again as long as you Hve. Roy. I heard you say it yourself yesterday. Veva {astonished). Why, where were you? Did you hear all I said? Roy. Sure. I heard every word. Louis. I told you you'd better be careful how you talked. Listen! There's some one coming down the stairs. It's Aunt Carrie. Now everybody better be- Enter Aunt Carrie. Veva {moving toward Aunt Carrie, who is dressed for the street, and taking her hand). Why, Aunt Carrie, we didn't know you had awakened from your nap. I hope none of us disturbed you. Aunt Carrie. No, indeed. You were all very quiet. Louis. Are you going down town. Aunt Carrie? My, we'll be so lonesome without you all afternoon. Dan {aside). If I talked that way to my aunt, she'd drop dead. Aunt Carrie. No, I'm not going down town — just to the mail box and then I will go over to visit Mrs. Bacon for an hour or two. Veva {aside). Glory be! We can act natural for a little while. {To Aunt Carrie.) I hope you will have the best time. Aunt Carrie. Aunt Carrie. Thank you, my dear. And good- bye to all. There's no need telling you to be good children, for you are never anything else. Be sure DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 75 to stay close at home, so I'll feel safe about you. Goodbye. Children (except Dan and Etta). Goodbye. Aunt Carrie. (Exit Aunt Carrie.) Dan (to Etta). They make me sick. Etta (to Dan). Here, too. They are putting all that on. (Louis and Veva put up their hands for silence and all stand in a listening attitude.) Veva. I heard the gate click. She's really gone. (Children seize hands and dance around room.) Louis (as they stop, wiping his face). I can hardly believe it! The first time she's been away from the house for a minute unless ^e had to tag along with her. Veva. We can act as we please for awhile and not be thinking of that automobile. Dan. Well, let's play something, then. Roy. I say so, too. Emma. Let's play school. I'll be the teacher. Veva. You'll be the teacher! I guess you will! Sit down, all of you. I'll be the teacher myself. Emma (starting to cry). No, I said it first. 1 want to be the teacher. Veva. Sit down, I say. (Seizes Emma's arm, shakes her vigorously and seats her forcibly). I've been giving in to you all the time Aunt Carrie has been here and you're just as spoiled as you can be. Now, I am going to be the teacher and I want you all to walk the chalk line. (Children are seated.) Louis. You can be the teacher, Veva, because you are the oldest, but don't talk so bossy. You know I won't stand for it no matter what the others do. Playing school's no fun, anyhow. I believe I'll go over to Jim's for a little while. She'll never know. Veva. You will not. You don't know what minute she'll be back. Louis (impatiently). I don't see what she had to tell us to stay at home for. Wonder if she thinks we are such babies that we can't take care of ourselves. 76 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Veva. I don't know what she thinks, but you don't have to growl at me that way. Medford. Just Hsten to the way the "little dears" are talking. (Veva and Louis look at him angrily.) Veva. You keep still or I'll box your ears. {Knocking is heard.) Louis {sullenly). Come in. Enter Old Woman. Veva {glancing with surprise at their visitor, who is poorly dressed with face tied up as with toothache, bonnet pulled down to partly conceal features.) Well, what do you want? Old Woman {in feeble voice). My good children, will you let me rest here for a few minutes? Veva. Rest here! Why don't you go home? Etta. The poor old lady! Don't talk to her like that, Veva. Veva. What's it to you? I'll talk as I please. Louis {to Veva). Don't talk like that, Veva. Dan and Etta will spread it all over town. {To Old Woman in gruff tones.) Sit down. You can stay if you want to. Old Woman {seating herself). Thank you, my good little boy. I am glad to see you so kind-hearted to the old. The time will come when you will be old yourself and — Louis {impatiently) . Oh, cut out that line of talk! {Glances out of window.) Well, look who's coming here. {Knock is heard.) Of all the nerve! That little Fanny Smith coming to the front door! Come in. Enter Fanny. Veva. Well, what do you want? The next time you'd better go to the back door. Fanny {frightened). I — I — I did. I knocked and I knocked back dere but you didn't hear me. Veva. I suppose Katie has gone somewhere. It's her afternoon off. Well, what do you want? DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 77 Fanny. I'se done come aftah the money for de wash. My maw says could you let her have a little money, if only fifty cents. She kain't go out to work, 'case my paw is awful sick an' we's ain't got nuffin to eat. Veva (carelessly) . You'll have to wait till mamma comes home. She didn't say for me to pay any bills. I don't know if she owes you anything or not. Fanny. My maw says dat dere's a rich lady at yoh house an' maybe she'll pay hit. We's all jus' as hungry as we can be. Veva. Don't you dare to say anything to Aunt Car- rie about money for the wash. Don't you dare! Go on home before she gets home. Go on. Fanny. I'se scared to go home without no money. Medford. Oh, let's get this black cloud out of here. Come on, kids. (They chase Fanny off stage. Dan and Etta do not take part in this.) Veva. Well, here are two more pests coming! Of all things I Lily and Mattie Clark. Guess Uncle John sent them over so they could get on the good side of Aunt Carrie. I'm going to be very cool to them. (Knock is heard.) Come in. Enter Lily and Mattie. Lily. Good afternoon, everybody. Mattie. My, it's warm! Where's Aunt Carrie? Veva (coldly). She's over at Mrs. Bacon's. Did you come to see her? Lily. Yes, and all the rest of you. Veva. Um — (shrugs her shoulders). Mattie. Didn't you want us to come? Veva. I generally invite those I want. When did you get your invitation? Lily. Well ! Let's go home, Mattie. Mattie. Oh, nobody minds Veva. She's always kind of snippy. (Seats herself.) I want to see Aunt Carrie and I'm going to stay here till she comes back. Sit down, Lily, and don't stand there with your mouth open. (Lily takes chair.) 78 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Louis. If you think you or your folks have any show with Aunt Carrie, you're dead wrong. She's never gotten over the cool way you treated her last summer. Lily. We didn't treat her cool, but maybe we weren't as sweet around her as some people who want to get her money. Medford. It pays to be sweet. We are going to get an automobile. Dan. Say, let's play something. You all don't do anything but talk. Veva. Well, we'll play school like we started. And I'm going to make a dunce cap out of this paper. {She does so.) And I'm going to put it on the head of the pupil who is so duncy that she can't take a hint. {Moves toward Mattie.) Mattie {rising). Don't you think for one minute, Veva Wilson, that you can put that old cap on me. {She pushes Veva away. Lily goes to Mattie's assistance and Louis to Veva's. They struggle, jostle Old Woman, knock her bonnet and bandage off. She stands up, proving to be Aunt Carrie. Surprised silence on part of children.) Aunt Carrie. I never, never would have believed it if I had not seen it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears. Such scheming on the part of mere children! Lily and Mattie, come with me. I am going to your house. (Lily and Mattie move toward her.) You two little children {to Dan and Etta) better run along home. Your mother ought to be more careful with whom she allows you to as- sociate. Dan. Come on, Etta. I'm willing. They never play anything here. {Exeunt Dan and Etta.) Aunt Carrie. I'll send word to your parents to come home at once. You may tell them for me that I hope they'll enjoy the automobile I give them — when they get it. I forgot the card I was to mail and com- ing back for it accidentally overheard enough of your DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 79 conversation to make me suspect that you are regular little hypocrites. I dressed as a poor old woman and — you know the rest. Come, Lily and Mattie. (Exeunt Aunt Carrie, Lily and Mattie. Louis takes seat and buries face in hands. Veva puts head on table and weeps. Roy, Medford and Emma circle round her and call "Cry-baby! Cry-baby T) Veva {starting up). Stop that noise! Get right out of here! {Chases them from stage.) That hateful old maid ! To play a trick on us like that ! Just think of all the attention we've wasted on her! Oh, if I could only tell her something! The tricky old cat! Louis. Oh, hush, Veva ! Can't you see it is our own fault? I often felt mean when we were trying to be so sweet to her. I'm going to be different from now on, just see if I don't. I guess I'll get an awful Hcking from dad but I'm going to try to think 'T deserve this for being such a little hypocrite." {Exit.) Veva. Well, maybe he's right. I guess deceit is wrong — and I've certainly learned that it doesn't pay. Curtain. MAMMA SAYS. characters. Mrs. Hollis. Letty. Mrs. Jackson. Will. Laura. Leslie. Scene : School room. Discovered, Laura, Letty, Will and Leslie. Letty. When I finish this example, I'll have all my arithmetic for tomorrow. Laura. I'm on the last one, too. Why didn't you boys work this noon hour? And then you wouldn't have to take your books home tonight. Will. Aw, I'm not going to work free time and during books, too. Leslie. Maybe I won't come to school tomorrow 80 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS and then it won't make any difference if I have my examples or not. Mamma is going to Unionville and she said if it was a good day I could go along. Laura. I shouldn't think you would want to miss school. I haven't been absent at all so far this term and I'm going to try to come every day. Letty. So'm I. I don't like to stay at home, be- cause I can't understand the lessons the next day. Leslie. Oh, who cares for that? Besides nobody can learn anything with the kind of a teacher we have. Laura. Why, the very idea! Miss Abby is a fine teacher. Leslie. You wouldn't say so if she was always fussin' at you the way she is at some of us. Letty. Why don't you behave, then? Leslie. I'm no worse than any of the others. Laura. Oh, you are, too. Leslie. I am not. And mamma says if Miss Abby doesn't quit pickin' on me, she's coming over and tell her something. Will. She doesn't pick on you, Les. Leslie. I'd like to know what you call it when she keeps me after school nearly every day. Mamma says that's got to stop. And then she made me carry in wood yesterday. I'm not supposed to work around here. Ed Johnson gets paid for that. Letty. Well, you know Ed was sick. It didn't hurt you to carry in a little wood. Any one of the larger boys would have been willing. You were the only one around except those little fellows. Leslie. Well, I don't have to work for her. Laura. I think you're lazy. {Looks out of win- dow.) Oh, I wonder what the excitement is! {They go to the window.) Mrs. Hollis and Mrs. Jackson enter unobserved by children and take seats in rear. Laura. It seems to be a dog fight. Will. That's just what it is. That's Jones' dog DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 81 and Leo's must have followed him to school. They are sure tearing each other up. Laura. Oh, oh! they will kill each other. Letty. Why don't those boys separate them in- stead of dancing around and yelling like Indians ? Will. They know better. Don't you ever try to wade in and stop a dog fight. Oh, there goes Leo with a bucket of water. That'll fix 'em. Yes, that changed their minds all right. (They resume seats, stepping backward and still looking out the window so visitors are unobserved.) Letty. Now I am going to diagram my sentences. Leslie. I think grammar is the silliest stuff. I'm not going to do those old sentences. Laura. If you don't watch out you won't make the seventh grade. Leslie. Who cares? I'm not coming to this old school next year, anyhow. I'm going to Unionville. Will. I'd just as soon come here till I'm ready for high school and then go to town. Leslie. Oh, of course you would. You've got a stand in with Miss Abby. Mamma says she thinks it's awful funny the teacher always has to have pets. Mrs. Hollis {to Mrs. Jackson). Yes, it's a shame. Mrs. Jackson. You can't make me believe Miss Abby has pets. Will. I'm not the teacher's pet. Don't you say that. If you'd behave half way right she'd never say a word to you. (Mrs. Hollis indignant at Will.) Leslie. I'm no worse than the others. Laura. You said that before, but you are. Who put that rubber on the stove this morning? Will. And who's always teasing the little boys ? Letty. And who broke that pane of glass yester- day? (Mrs. Hollis very much astonished.) And you never will clean up under your desk in the evening. Leslie. That's the janitor's work. He gets paid for it. Mamma says — Laura. I don't see why you have to tell your 82 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS mamma every little fiddle de faddle that happens in school. My mamma wouldn't listen to me. She says it's Miss Abby's place to rule the school and she has no more right to interfere than if Miss Abby would try to tell her how to run her house. Mrs. Jackson {to Mrs. Mollis). Just what I say. Leslie. I guess mamma has a right to know how I'm treated. Will. Did you tell her you threw a lot of paper wads on the ceiling yesterday, and when Miss Abby asked who did it, you wouldn't own up? Leslie. I'd be a goose to tell on myself. Why doesn't she watch? It's her place to know what's go- ing on in the room. Laura. She has to turn her back when she writes on the board. Leslie. Oh, well, I don't like her anyhow. I've got a big wad of paper right now and I'm going to land it over her desk. I hope it falls on her head. {Draws hack arm preparatory to throwing. Mrs. Hollis ad- vances silently toward him.) Mamma says — Mrs. Hollis {taking him, by the ear). Mamma says that she just wants to see you throw that paper. Leslie {squirming). Ouch! You've got me by the ear! Mrs. Hollis. I know I've got you by the ear. I'm ashamed of you. I'm glad Mrs. Jackson asked me to visit the school with her today. I never would have been convinced if I had not seen and heard. I'm going to spend the afternoon here and I'll have my eye on you, young man. You give Miss Abby one bit of trouble and when you get home it will be what mamma "does" and not what mamma "says." Curtain. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 83 OUR SET. characters. Mrs. Miller. Zita. Mr. Miller. Tillie. Mrs. Newton. Willie. Henrietta. Scene: Living room. Discovered, Mrs. Miller, reading. Mrs. Miller {looking up from hook and glancing toward window). Well, there are those Carey children coming here again, and Henrietta rushing out to meet them with open arms. It is not my wish to have her become so friendly with them. Mrs. Carey is a new- comer and I haven't decided if I care to admit her to our set. Of course it will be as I say. If / take her up, all the ladies will follow my example. Enter Zita, Tillie, Henrietta and Willie. Tillie. Oh, Mrs. Miller, we are going fishing and we've come for Henrietta to go with us. Mrs. Miller. I am sorry, Tillie, but I have no time to fix her up for visiting. Tillie. She will not need fine clothes to go fishing. Zita. Dad went fishing yesterday and he caught so many. He says Beaver Dam is full of fish. Willie. And an eel that long {measuring with his hands.) It came near pulling dad into the water. Mrs. Miller. And what if an eel would pull Hen- rietta into the water ? I would feel uneasy all the time she was gone. Willie. The eel can't pull Ettie into the water — 'cause dad catched it. Mrs. Miller. Yes, but there are more eels than one in Beaver Dam. Henrietta. Mamma, please let me go. I'll be care- ful not to fall into the water. 84 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Mrs. Miller. Henrietta, I am surprised that you are so thoughtless. Don't you know how worried I would be about you? You should regard my feelings as well as your own. TiLLiE. Well, we must go. Mamma told us not to stay long. {Aside.) She doesn't want Henrietta to go with us. Thinks we're not good enough, I guess. {Exeunt Tatk, Tillie_, Henrietta and Willie.) Mrs. Miller. Henrietta is very much disappointed. But she will realize when she gets older how careful one must be in the selection of friends. I don't know if the Careys have a penny or not. I am going to be very careful as to those with whom I allow Henrietta to associate. Some people seem to think it makes no difference as long as the children are small, but I have seen early friendships very hard to break off. Henrietta re-enters room, crying. Henrietta. Now they are mad at me. Tillie said their mamma thought you didn't want me to play with them, and this was the last time they could ask me. And their cousin is coming next week and they'll have parties, and lots of fun and I'll miss it all. Mrs. Miller. Very likely you'll live over it. You have your own friends. Henrietta. I liked Tillie and Zita better than any girls I ever knew — and now they won't ever have any- thing to do with me again. {Exit Henrietta.) Mrs. Miller. Oh, she'll get over it. If I let her be so thick with those children, I'd have to have Mrs. Carey in our set whether I wanted her or not, and I haven't made up my mind. I've been very cool to her so far — there's plenty of time to take her up later if ^^^ ' Enter Mr. Miller. Mr. Miller. Say, Louise, what's the matter with Henrietta ? She's out there crying like her heart would break. Mrs. Miller. Oh, she's so silly. I wouldn't let her go fishing with those Carey children, and she says DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 85 they're mad at her — as if that would be such a calam- ity. They told her their mother said they couldn't ask her any more if she didn't accept this invitation. She seems smart enough to realize that I am keeping Hen- rietta from becoming too thick with her children. She'll be offended, I suppose, but there'll be plenty of time for her to get over it before I decide whether or not to admit her to our set. Mr. Miller. Oh, heck! Mrs. Miller. John ! What did you say ? Mr. Miller. I said, ''Oh, heckT I didn't say— what you thought I said, but I feel like it. You've made Mrs. Carey sore now, and I was just going to borrow a hundred dollars from her old man. Mrs. Miller. You were going to borrow money from Jim Carey? Mr. Miller. I was. He has lots of it. I can't have the nerve to ask him now, though. And I'm not going to try any of the banks. I don't want them to know I am a little short. There isn't anyone else I can think of either. Oh, well, I don't have to have it. I had a chance to get hold of a fine automobile, though — one that I know is just as good as new. Mrs. Miller. Oh, John ! What kind ? I'm so tired of ours — it's getting shabby. What make? My, I'm delighted. Do you think folks will imagine that it's new? I'd hate to have them say we bought it second- hand. Who are you going to get it from? Mr. Miller. I'm not going to get it at all. I lack a hundred dollars. I could have gotten that much from Jim Carey and been sure he would have kept still about it, but I won't run the risk of borrowing from anyone else, as shaky as business is these days. I wish you hadn't made Mrs. Carey sore. Maybe she will tell Jim, and I need all the friends I can hold on to these days. "Our set" — that's funny talk in a country where all are supposed to be free and equal. Oh, well, you'll miss the automobile more than I will. It was a dandy one, too. (Exit Mr. Miller. Knock is heard. Mrs. Miller goes to door.) 86 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Enter Mrs. Newton. Mrs. Miller. Why, Mrs. Newton, I'm so glad to see you. Sit down. Mrs. Newton. No, I've just a minute to stay, but I wanted to tell you the news. Mrs. Hamilton-Jones is coming here next week. Mrs. Miller. Mrs. Hamilton-Jones! Mrs. Newton. Yes. Just imagine! Such a great club-woman! What an honor for our little town! Mrs. Miller. I never thought she'd accept when we extended her that invitation. She will be my guest, I suppose, as I am president of the local club and have the best — I mean the most room. I'll have a reception for her, of course, and will have to plan other forms of entertainment. I wonder who all to ask. I'll have to have the officers of the club, though some of them are rather — well I can keep them in the background. Mrs. Newton. Wait a minute. You've gotten the wrong idea. She's not coming as the guest of the club. Didn't the secretary tell you she had sent her regrets long ago? Mrs. Miller. Well, then, what's bringing her? Mrs. Newton. She's coming to visit the Careys. Mrs. Miller. To visit the Careys ! Mrs. Newton. Yes. She's Mrs. Carey's cousin. She's coming here because she says it's a nice, quiet little town and she wants a rest, and on account of her little daughter — thinks she will enjoy the fresh air, and so on. But just think all the ideas we can get from her. I'm so delighted. I'm going to the Careys now. I promised Mrs. Carey last week that I would drop in some time to show her that new embroidery stitch. I'm so glad I did. She can't say now that I am getting nice just because of the company she expects. Well, I must run along. I kneW you'd be glad to hear. You are so interested in club affairs. Goodbye. Mrs. Miller. Goodbye. {Exit Mrs. Newton.) I am beginning to realize how foolish I have been. Hen- rietta in tears, John angry and {glancing toward win- DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 87 dow) half a dozen other women coming to tell me about Mrs. Hamilton- Jones. They are just doing it for meanness, too, because they all knew I was cool to Mrs. Carey. {Another glance toward window.) No, they are not coming here at all. They are all trooping in to call on Mrs. Carey — and I thought they'd wait to see whether or not I took her up. I'm not the leader of society in this town that I thought I was, and oh — that auto — auto — mobile ! {Places handkerchief to eyes and leaves stage.) Curtain. ONCE TOO OFTEN. characters. Clara. Gertie. Ruby. Carl. Grace. Roy. Scene: Living room. Discovered, Clara, Ruby, Carl and Roy. Clara. I'm so afraid Gertie and Grace won't get here on time. Roy. I hope they don't. I can't stand them. Ruby. Aren't you ashamed, Roy ? Roy. That makes the twenty-fifth time you've asked me that this evening. Once and for all — no, I'm not. Ruby. You ought to be. Roy. Is that so? {Makes face at Ruby.) Ruby. He's just trying to show off. Boys are hor- rid. (Roy and Carl laugh.) Clara. You needn't be so smart, either, Carl Sum- mers. If mamma were at home you wouldn't be so gay. Ruby. And if our mamma knew how Roy had been acting, she would fix him. I'm not going to tell her because I despise one who tells on another, but it would do me an awful lot of good if she found out some way. Roy. Oh, girls make me sick. I'm getting tired of 88 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS waiting. What do you suppose your Uncle John is going to do for us, Carl ? Carl. I don't know, but you can bet it will be some- thing worth while. I wish it was only for the boys of the class, though. Clara. I never heard anything so selfish. {Knock is heard.) That's Gertie and Grace. Now you boys, do try to behave. They are not used to you like Ruby and I are. {Goes to door.) Enter Gertie and Grace. Gertie anc? Grace. Good evening. {The others re- spond. The Boys speak in an affected tone and how in an exaggerated manner.) Clara {aside). Oh, dear. Those boys are going to be as hateful as ever. I wish mamma would hurry home. Gertie. We were so afraid we would be late. Is your Uncle John going to take us to the circus ? Grace said she was sure it would be that? Clara. We don't know. He just said for me to get the class together if I could — that he had some- thing pleasant in store for us. Grace. Isn't he too kind ? But why don't the others hurry up? Clara. They are going to meet at Jennie's. It is more convenient for them to go there. Ruby. Oh, I can hardly wait. I'd love to go to the circus, or to a good show. They are having fine pic- tures this week, or just any place. Gertie. And it's such a surprise. It's so nice when you're not expecting anything to get — Carl, I thought maybe you would be expecting something — or someone — this evening. Gertie. What do you mean ? Roy. He means that red-headed little beau of yours. Ruby. Oh, hush, Roy. Gertie. I think so, too. Carl. Well, you know he is a red-head. Roy. And he's your beau. The other evening after DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 89 the entertainment he comes up so nice and says (rising and bowing low to Gertie), "May I accompany you home ?" Gertie. He didn't act Hke that, anyhow. Carl. Yes he did. I saw and heard him. Gertie. Well, then, you saw and heard him get turned down good and proper. Ruby. I don't blame you, Gertie. He's another one who thinks he's cute. Carl {to Roy). I wonder if she means that slam for us? Oh, how sad! {Pretends to weep. Wrings tears from handkerchief. Roy laughs. Girls look disgusted.) Clara. Let's play some kind of a game. It's early. I suppose it will be some little time before Uncle John gets here. What shall we play? Roy. Poker is a fine game. Ruby. Oh, don't try to be funny. Carl. Let's shoot craps. Clara. Don't be so silly. {To Girls.) I was over at Hattie's yesterday evening and we played a new game. Grace. Oh, tell us about it. I love to learn new games. Carl. It sure was a hummer of a one. The trick is to say the exact words of the leader and to do just as he does. Clara. Carl, please don't tell it. Carl. I will, too. This is the way it goes. Now watch. The moon is round. {Describes circle in air with finger.) It has two eyes. {Points to them.) A nose. {Curve for nose.) And a mouth. {Line for mouth.) And of course, the boobs who are trying it always forget to say, "Now watch" at the beginning. Oh, it's some game. Clara. We had a lot of fun playing it. I wish I hadn't told you. You spoil everything. Carl. Oh, ho, hum! Roy. Ruby knows a good trick with cards. Ruby. Oh, yes. Got a deck handy, Clara? 90 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Clara. Yes, here's one. (Ruby seats herself at table, facing audience. Roy takes seat near her. The others stand watching.) Ruby (holding deck of cards in front of her). Now notice that I can't see the cards, but as I slip them one by one from the deck, I will tell you whenever a card is a face card. Grace. I don't see how you can. They all feel just alike. Ruby. Oh, I'm a wise person and you'll see. (Slips cards from deck. Tells when the first two face cards appear, then lets one pass without telling. The others are, except Roy_, astonished at her skill in the two in- stances, then cry, "You missed that one,'' when she allows the third face card to pass.) Roy (laughing). Oh, she's the wise person. I didn't tread on her foot that time. That's why she missed it. Grace. Is that the way? Well, it's a pretty good trick. Ruby (indignantly). But of course I might have known Roy wouldn't play it right. Roy. He ! he ! The little girl is getting sore. Ruby. You think you're smart, but you'll get taken down some day, see if you don't. Roy. Is dat so? Clara. And so will Carl. They'll act fresh just once too often. Carl. And is dat so? Clara. Yes, it is. Carl. Say, Fm thirsty. Anybody want a drink? Roy (leaning hack in his chair). No, I had a couple on my way up. Ruby. Doesn't he think he's smart. (Sees hug on tahle.) Oh, see that great big bug. (Springs from chair. Roy pretends he has bug in hand — chases girls — great confusion.) Carl re-enters. Carl. Say, Roy, stop that. (Roy pays no atten- DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 91 tion. Carl seises him by arm and shakes him vigor- ously.) Somebody ought to knock your fat head off. (Roy subsides. Girls drop into chairs, wipe faces, arrange hair, etc.) Roy. What's getting into you? Carl (taking Roy to left of stage). Your mother's in there in the next room. Roy (frightened). What! Carl. She came home with my mother. They've been in there all this time and heard everything we said. Uncle John is going to take the class in auto- mobiles to Freeport and then on an excursion down the river — and they say we can't go. Roy. We can't go? Carl. No, they're awful sore. Clara. Oh, listen ! There's an auto ! That's Uncle John! Come on! Come on! Let's go see what he's planned. (Girls hurry from room.) Roy. Do you think they really mean we can't go ? Carl. Sure. I heard them say so when I was pass- ing in the hall. Roy. Let's go ask them. Carl. It won't do any good for me. What my mother says she sticks to. Roy. And so does mine. Pshaw! Weren't we the chumps ? Carl. I bet it's the last time I tease a bunch of girls. Roy. Here too. Oh, say, I wish I could go on that excursion. (They walk across stage.) I guess it's like Ruby said. We were smart "once too often." Curtain. 92 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS THE REHEARSAL. characters. Lottie. Tom. Allie. George. Effie. Louise. ^d. Scene : School room. Louise (a large girl) is seated at teacher's desk reading. The others are seated in front of room. This dialogue was introduced for the benefit of small pupils who sometimes forget their lines. Knowing that someone is on the stage with them to prompt quickly if necessary, they will have more confidence. Any number of recitations may be included. Louise should have a copy of each placed in the book she .holds. Lottie. Say, let's practice our pieces for the enter- tainment. Allie. Oh, yes, let's. I'm so afraid I won't know mine. Lottie. Maybe Louise will hear them. She can pretend she's the teacher. She's sitting at her desk. Louise. Why certainly. Lottie. They are all in that book you were reading. Effie. Who'll be first? Louise. There's a program here. "Do Your Best" comes first. George. That's mine. DO YOUR best. There was an owl sitting on a tree, And all she could say was "Who!" "Who!" "Who!" But she did the very best she knew how And that's what I've tried so hard to do. Louise. Very good. The next is "A Tragedy." Allie. Oh, does mine come so soon? What is a tragedy, Louise? I always forget to ask the teacher. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 93 Louise. A tragedy is a sad event. Allie. Well, I guess this was sad all right. A TRAGEDY. Yesterday when I got home from school There was a great and loud commotion. Something awful, awful has happened Was my quickly affrighted notion. I hurried at once to ask my ma. At first she could scarcely speak to tell, But later cried with sad tears and sighs, "My jelly boiled all day and will not jell." Lottie. My mamma had some jelly that acted just that way. She got so mad she took the kettle and said to dad: "You go and throw that to the hogs — kettle and all." He did it — and then there sure was some trouble. She said he ought to have known she didn't mean it, and why didn't he just put it down some place outside till she cooled off? Tom. I believe my piece comes next. Louise. Yes. "The Sad Case of Johnny Smith." Tom (recites). the sad case of johnny smith. Johnny Smith is home and sick in bed, He's got a great big hole in his head. How did it happen? I will tell you. It was because of their mule named Sue. Mr. Smith took her in to town one day. When she got home she was fine and gay. With brand new shoes on all her four feet. She seemed to think, "Say, I'm hard to beat." Johnny decided he's see how they fit. Fifty feet away was where he lit. Full three hours later when he came to Ole Doc Brown says, ''Mebbe he will do." He can sit up now and drink some soup, Though he looks like a hen with the roup, 94 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS And he says, "After this I don't care What kind of shoes old Sue has to wear." Ed. He ought to have known better than to go foolin' round a mule. Tom. Oh, that's just a piece. It's not real. Louise. Now comes "My Bad Kitty." Lottie. That's Effie's. Say it nice and loud, Effie. Effie {recites), MY BAD KITTY. Does anybody want a kitty ? I don't like mine any more. See my arm — it's awful sore. I gave her one little pat. Quick as a flash she did — that. {Imitates kitten scratching arm.) George. What did you hit her for? Effie {indignantly). I didn't. It*'s just in my piece. Louise. Of course. We all understand that. Ed. Mine is next. CONTENTMENT. I like the sunny days of spring With all the flowers blowin' ; And hens a cacklin' everywhere. And noisy roosters crowin*. And downy little baby chicks, A toddlin' through the grass. And wimmin folks with bonnets on A plantin' garden sass. And lambs a skippin* in the fields. And calves and colts, and sich — I tell ye what, sech things as that. Somehow makes me feel rich ; And though it may seem foolish like. To speak of sech a thing, I'd rather be a farmer then, Than any prince — or king. WUliams. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 95 Tom. I'd rather be a farmer any time than a prince or king. Louise. Yes, especially these days. Lottie. Well, I'm the only one left. Louise. And your speech finishes the entertain- ment. Lottie (recites). closing address. Our program now is at an end — ^there's but for us to say The mournful word "goodbye" — ^and then we part today. When our term of school began, in sunny autumn weather, We thought it would seem long — ^the time spent here together. But in study and in frolic the days have glided by Till now vacation's joys before us all doth lie. Dear parents, we hope you feel that our time we've well employed And have appreciated all benefits enjoyed. We promise that we'll ne'er forget your loving thought and care Which cheered and urged us on our lessons to prepare. To our teacher now we turn a grateful word to say For the help so cheerfully given us each day. Though at times we seemed but heedless, now we real- ize full well All your patience and your kindness — more than we can ever tell. Comrades, now the term is over — some of us may ne'er return To this little school where our first lessons we did learn. Let us strive to live that all the world may see We remember the tenets taught of truth and honesty. 96 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Let us face the future brightly, striving always to build Upon the foundation of learning here instilled. Let us ever be observers of the golden rule Taught us in our childhood in this little country school. THEIR REGRETTED AGREEMENT. characters. Mr. Moore. Rob. Charles. Don. Everett. Scene: School room. Discovered, Mr. Moore, standing by teacher's desk. Mr. Moore. I am very much distressed at the nev^s I heard, Mr. Edmonds informs me that a valuable cow belonging to him was found dead yesterday even- ing. She had fallen into a gully and neighbors told him that they saw some boys chasing her. He suspects the four members of my eighth grade as they pass that way every evening on their way home from school. I sincerely trust they are not the culprits, as an act like this would mar their otherwise perfect record. If they are already on the grounds,! will call them in and question them. I am sure they will tell me the truth. {Looks out window, then turns to audience, shaking head.) Oh, that looks very suspicious. Charles and Everett saw me at the window and they immediately dodged behind trees. (Turns to window, beckons to Boys.) They should have remained out of sight. They were peeping out and I beckoned to them. They will have to come in now and I will learn if they are impli- cated in this matter. Enter Charles and Everett. Charles. Good morning, Mr. Moore. A nice day, isn't it? Everett. Yes, but it looks like rain. Charles. Oh, no. There isn't a sign of rain. Pa DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 97 says he wishes we would have a shower. The corn needs it. Mr. Moore. Do you boys — Charles (hastily). Mr. Moore, I wish you would come over to our place and — and — tell pa how to raise his corn. Mr. Moore (aside). I'm liable to do just that little thing. I'd hear some more about "book" farmers. (To Boys.) I want to ask you if — Everett. And could you find time to stop in and tell ma how to feed her chickens — Mr. Moore. Did you boys — Everett. And how to make her soap. She's had awful bad luck lately. Everybody says you know so much agriculture. Mr. Moore. Now, enough of this ! You'll be telling me pretty soon your sisters want me to stop in and show them how to crochet lamp mats. What I called you in for was to find out if you know anything about — Everett. Say, Mr. Moore, you're going to teach this school next year, aren't you? Charles. Oh, I hope so. You're the best teacher we ever had. Mr. Moore (seising Everett by arm). Everett, did you chase Mr. Edmonds' cow after school yesterday? (Everett and Charles exchange glances, then Ev- erett replies in low voice.) Everett. Spoons. Mr. Moore (astonished) . What? Everett (louder). Spoons. Charles. Mr. Moore, please may I be excused? I don't feel well. Mr. Moore (aside). What's the matter with these boys, anyhow? (To Charles.) When did you begin to feel bad, Charles ? Charles (in low tone). Fish. Mr. Moore (aside). Have they lost their minds? (Gases steadily at boys.) No. There is no insanity 98 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS in their eyes. They are trying this scheme to avoid my questions about Mr. Edmonds' cow. {Turns to Everett.) Everett, I want a straightforward answer to a direct question : Do you know any of the circum- stances of the killing of Mr. Edmonds' cow? Everett. Spoons. Mr. Moore. Stand aside. (Everett moves away.) Charles, do you? Charles. Fish. (Mr. Moore walks left. Speaks aside.) Mr. Moore. I greatly regret this. I wouldn't have believed they would have been so irresponsible as to chase a cow till she fell into a gully and killed herself, or so silly as to think they could escape owning up by this method of answering questions. Well, I shall have to punish them, or my authority is gone. {Picks up switch and returns to Boys. They appear very much frightened and glance frequently at door.) I'll give you a last chance. Everett, do you intend to re- turn a proper answer to my question ? Everett. Spoons. Mr. Moore. Charles, are you going to adhere to this foolish course you have adopted ? Charles. Fish. Mr. Moore {sternly). Then I'll see that you are taught never again to think you can escape an account- ing for your acts by any such expedient. {Seizes Ev- erett's arm and raises switch.) Enter Don and Rob. Don. Oh, don't Mr. Moore. We'll tell you all about it. Rob {to Boys). We've been here on the school grounds ever since seven o'clock watching for you. (Mr. Moore releases Everett's arm and puts switch on desk.) Don. We were hiding around afraid all the time Mr. Moore would see us and maybe ask us a question and we didn't see you coming. Everett. We were doing the same, watching for DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 99 you, but we weren't as lucky. He saw us and called us in. Rob. That's what some of the little fellows said, so we hurried up here. Charles. You are willing to call it off? Rob. Well, I guess so. Don. If I ever again do anything so crazy — Mr. Moore. Now perhaps you'll kindly tell me just what you are talking about. Charles. Oh, yes. These fellows were all at my house last night, and Rob told a story of a man who was being tried for something. He wanted to appear insane, so to every question he was asked, he repHed, "Spoons" or "Fish." Just for fun we made an agree- ment to answer every question that way. Everett. Only it didn't turn out to be fun. I re- ally got a licking from dad and nearly another from you, Mr. Moore. Don. And my mother cried and wanted to get the doctor. She thought I was crazy. Rob. We came to school early. We wanted to take back that agreement. Never again for me. Mr. Moore. But Mr. Edmonds' cow — Everett. Oh, Mr. Moore, you don't think we had anything to do with that, do you? He was going around saying we did it, but it was some boys from the city who are visiting the Martins. They owned up. Mr. Moore. Well, I'm certainly glad you are not concerned in the matter. Don. We're all here so early we can have a fine game of ball. Come on, Mr. Moore. (They move across stage. Don looks out window.) Here comes my mother. I thought she couldn't stand it at home. She sure thinks I'm crazy. Well, I'm glad I can say something in answer to her questions besides "spoons" and "fish," Curtain. 100 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS THE CITY COUSIN. characters. Edna. Nell. Esther. Janet. Jennie. Bessie. Scene: Living room. Discovered, Edna, Esther and Jennie. Jennie is reading. Edna. Oh, I can hardly wait till they get here. Esther. Neither can I. I am so anxious to see what Bessie's city cousin will be like. {Glances out of window.) There is Nell coming now. {Goes to door.) Enter Nell. Esther {continuing) . Oh, Nell, I was just saying to Edna that I can hardly wait till Bessie gets here with her cousin. (Esther and Nell take seats.) Edna. I am wondering if we will like her. Nell. Bessie doesn't like her. Jennie. Doesn't like her own cousin? How dread- ful! Esther. How do you know? Nell. Bessie talked to me a little while over the phone this morning. She couldn't say very much for fear her cousin would come into the room and hear her, but she doesn't like her. Edna. Why ? Nell. She is sore at the way she was treated while in the city — said she didn't want to invite her cousin to accompany her home on a visit to the country, but couldn't get out of it. Esther. Wasn't Bessie nicely entertained? She was looking forward to that trip so much. Nell. Oh, she was in a way, I suppose. But she said her cousin made so much fun of her. Edna. Made fun of her? Surely not. Nell. She didn't mean any harm, but she was al- DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 101 ways laughing at Bessie because she found the city ways so strange. Once they went to Oiie of the big stores where they have those revolving doors. Bessie was afraid to go through — -said it looked like she'd just keep whirling around and never get out. Janet {that's her cousin) thought that was awful funny. Another time they were on a street car and Janet told her to push the button. Bessie didn't see the button and she was pushing a screw head. She said she thought Janet would die laughing. Esther. It was Bessie's first trip to the city. She couldn't be expected to know everything. Nell. And she said Janet would tell everybody everything she did and always wind up by saying: **She's from the country, you know." She said she got so tired of hearing that — but here they come. Edna. I don't imagine I'm going to like her, and I guess she'll think we're all green. We're from the country, you know. Jennie. Hush! They're right at the door. (Esther goes to door. Other Girls rise.) Enter Bessie and Janet. Bessie. Girls, this Is my cousin, Janet Cummings. Janet, these are some of my best friends : Esther and Edna Mason, Nell Blakely and little Jennie Mason. Jennie {aside). Little Jennie Mason! Esther. We are all ever so glad to meet you, and we hope you'll like the country. Bessie, let me take your bonnet. Now, everybody sit down. {They take chairs.) Janet. I am sure I'll like the country very much, but {turning to Bessie), Bessie, you said you'd ask for that medicine the first thing. Edna. Medicine! Who's sick? Bessie. Oh, no one is sick, but Janet is worried about her hair. Esther. About her hair? Nell. What's the matter with it? Bessie. Well, you know we drove our old Dick 102 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS over and he's losing his hair. We were facing a stiff breeze and I noticed several of Dick's gray hairs on Janet's head. You know how dangerous that is. (Jen- nie tries to speak. Esther restrains her.) Edna. Oh, how awful ! She'll lose all her hair. Nell. That's what happened to my Uncle Charlie. He was driving a horse which was afflicted like your Dick, and now you know how bald he is. Bessie. I wore my bonnet, but I forgot to tell Janet to put something on her head. (Jennie tries again to enlighten Janet,, hut is prevented.) Janet. I don't see how you could have been so thoughtless. Just imagine if all my hair comes out and never comes back. (Starts to cry.) Jennie. Horses shed their — Esther (placing hand over Jennie's mouth). We have some very good medicine, Janet. I think maybe if you use it in time, it will save your hair. I will get it. (Exit.) Janet. But do all your horses have that dreadful disease of the falling out of the hair ? Jennie. It isn't — Edna. Oh, most of them do, but we're used to it and never go without our hats or bonnets. Jennie. They are trying — Nell. Oh, say, I — I — oh, yes, I meant to ask you, Edna, what is the matter with Jim? I notice he is limping. Edna. He ran a fork in his foot — Janet. A fork in his foot ? How did he do that ? Jennie. A pitch fork. He was — Edna. Oh, he is dreadful careless at the table. Mamma is always warning him about how he eats. Janet. But how could he run a fork in his foot? If he stuck his hand I could understand it. Esther re-enters with a bottle of water, Jennie. I think you girls are mean to — Edna. Ah, here is the medicine. Esther. Now, let me pour this on your hair. (She DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 103 does so. Janet rubs it in.) I don't think you need be at all alarmed. Janet. Oh, I hope it will be all right. How soon will I know? Nell. If your hair doesn't all fall out tonight — Jennie. I am going to — - Esther. Oh, Bessie, Tom told me to tell you he un- hitched Dick and turned him here in the yard. Janet. That dreadful horse ! I am going to see if his hair is still flying all around. (Goes to window.) Oh, girls! Girls! Come here. (They crowd around.) Look, there's something else the matter with that horse. He's rolling on the ground — oh, he's turned clear over ! What's the matter? Edna. He's having another fit. Bessie. Yes, I thought he was over them, but it seems not. Janet. Having a fit! What if he got one on the way home? Bessie. Well, it would be all right if he didn't take a notion to reach back in the buggy and bite one of us. Jennie. He's just rolling. All horses — Janet. I won't ride home. I'll walk. Why, it's just one danger after another in the country. Nell. Oh, you can always tell when one is coming on. Bessie. Yes, he always gives us a chance to save ourselves — climb a tree, or something. Jennie. I'm going to tell mamma. (Rises. Esther forces her hack into chair.) Esther. Oh — I — I — was awful busy this morning. We were planting potatoes and I had to cut them. Janet. I never did see anyone plant potatoes — or anything. It must be interesting. Edna. Yes, but kind of tiresome — to peel all those potatoes. Jennie. You don't have to — Esther. And then mamma wants so many mashed. , Janet, Masked? What for? 104 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Edna. Oh, we all like potatoes mashed better than any other way. Janet. And if you mash them when you sow them, is that the way they grow? Nell. Of course, but when it comes to frying — Esther {to Nell). Don't carry it that far, Nell. She'll catch on. Bessie. There's going to be a picnic next week at Cottonwood Point. We're all going, aren't we ? Esther. Oh, yes. We all have such a good time there. Janet {glancing out of the window). Oh, look at that dreadful boy! How he is beating that poor cow! (Girls look toward window.) Edna. That's Willie, my brother. It looks bad, but he is not really cruel. We are going to have straw- berries and whipped cream for supper and of course poor old Rose has to be whipped or where would we get the whipped cream? (Janet rises and moves toward door.) Why, what's the matter? Janet. I'm going home. I think you girls are aw- fully rude and impolite. You've been making fun of me the whole time I've been here. I suspected it when you said you mashed the potatoes before you sowed them, and now I know it, because I read that joke about whipped cream in the paper. I'm going right straight back to the city, Bessie. I don't think you or your friends are one bit nice. Bessie {going to Janet and placing hand on her shoulder.) Now, Janet, don't be angry. You*re just finding out how it feels. Didn't you make all kinds of fun of me for being so green while I was in the city? Janet {surprised) . I never realized how you might feel. Bessie. I tried not to show I was offended, but all the time I was saying, "I'm going to pay her back." Esther. And when we got started we just kept it up. Nell. But it was awful for us. We ought to have remembered you were company. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 105 Janet. No, it served me exactly right. I can see now how impolite I was to Bessie. Edna. We'll all forgive and forget. Let's go and pick some strawberries. Janet. Oh, let's do. And then we'll all take turns whipping Rose so we'll have plenty of whipped cream to go with them. Curtain. THE DUSKY HEIRESS. CHARACTERS. George Jackson. Jeff Jones. Fingers Martin. Les Lankins. Rastus Rankins. Lucindy Perkins. Chick Watson. Annabelle Lucas. Characters all black-face. Scene: A street. Discovered, Rastus Rankins. Enter Fingers Martin. Fingers. Hello, Rastus! When did you perambu- late ovah from — (location of state penitentiary) ? Rastus. What you mean? I ain't been dere. Fingers. Well, mebbe hit was (location of insane asylum), den. Bug-hous or penipetentiary, hits all de same to me. Rastus. Dat's jus' de way. A party cain't be out of town a week or two till dey begin to take his repu- tation away. Fingers. Dey didn't have much of a load to tote when dey done took yohs. (Rastus turns away). Oh, hold on! I got sumpin' to tell you. (Rastus continues toward exit.) Hold on, I tell you! I done found a gole mind and I want you to help me work hit. Rastus (returning). A gole mind? You'se just a kiddin', ain't you? 106 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Fingers. 'Deed I ain't. Hits a regular gole mind, but I kain't work hit. Rastus. Why not ? All you'se needs is a pick and shovel, ain't hit? You too lazy to do a little diggin' when you can git gole out of de ground? Fingers. I doan need no pick and shovel. I need a {checks them on fingers) new suit of close, a pair of tan shoes, a red necktie, and a green hat. You'se got all dem. Borrow 'em to me. Rastus. Lend yoh mah new close ! What yoh want new closes foh to work in a gole mind? You must be crazy! I doan believe you got a gole mind nohow. Fingers. Yes, I has. Now, listen! You lend me yoh new duds and dere'll be sumpin' in it foh you. Rastus. Dere'll suah have to be sumpin' in hit foh me fore I lend mah new suit to anybody. Fingers. All right! I'll make hit right wif you. Ah'll come ovah dis evenin' and git de close. Be suah dey's all ready foh me. So long. (Starts toward exit.) Rastus. Hold on ! Hold on, dere ! Fingers (returning) . Well, what's de mattah? Rastus. You'se suttinly one cool propositionment ! You think you'll git mah new close by jus' sayin' you'll make it right wif me? I'se got a know all 'bout dat gole mind an' I'se got to know just what I git out of hit — fifty-fifty hit has to be. Fingers. Fifty-fifty ! Half a gole mind for a bor- row of yoh old close! I guess not! Rastus. All right den! I ain't axin to borrow 'em to you. Ask somebody else. Or why doan you buy you some? Fingers. Oh, I doan want to buy any. Rastus. You got a good reason for dat, I guess. You got a gole mind, but you ain't got de price of a suit of close. Fingers. Mebbe I ain't now, but you go in wif me an' we'll bof be on Easy Street. Rastus. Tell me all about it, den. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 107 Fingers. Well, I 'spects I gotten But if you give hit away, hit^s goodnight foh you. Rastus. Give away a gole mind when half is mine. Fingers. Half! No, sah! Rastus. Well, den, all negotiationments is off an doan you bodder me no moh. Fingers. Oh, well, den, I guess hits got to be, but say, if you ebber forgits what a hog is like, jus' look in de lookin' glass. Rastus. Huh ! Sore, is you ? Les git down to busi- ness. Fingers. Well, say, you know Lucindy Perkins, doan you ? Rastus. Know Lucindy Perkins? I guess yes. Dat gal is plum crazy 'bout me. Fingers. Plum crazy 'bout you? You'se plum crazy! But dat doan make no difference now. She am de gal I'm gwine to marry. She am de gole mind. Rastus. What you mean? Fingers. Hit's dis way. You know dat ole Mis* Calwell Lucindy's been workin' foh de las' four or five years? Well, she's gone an' died an' left Lucindy five hundred dollahs ! Rastus. Five hundred dollahs! Fingers. Yes, an' I'se gwine marry dat gal an' den I'll hab de five hundred dollahs ! Rastus. Oh, so dat's yoh gole mind, is hit? Dat's why you done want me to borrow you mah new close. No, sah! I'll marry Lucindy mahself. {Takes turn across stage, noting his fine clothes. Takes off hat, admires it, glances at shoes, holds out end of tie, etc. Fingers watches him angrily.) Fingers {suddenly). You go agin me dat way an' you know what I'll do? I'll git mah Aunt Mirandy, de ole witch doctah, to put a hoodoo on you. Dat's what I'll do. Den we'll see how much good yoh fine closes does you. (Rastus is frightened.) Rastus {trembling). De Ian' sakes. Fingers, you take everything foh serious. Think I'se gwine 'gainst 108 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS you? Why, you'se mah bes' frien'. I'll borrow you mah close. Fingers. Well, dat's moh like hit. Rastus. An' I'll help you all I kin. Fingers. Much obliged, Rastus, but once let me git decked out in some fancy close like you got an' mah face'U do the rest. Rastus {aside). Yoh face! Yoh face'd make a cat laugh ! If hit wasn't foh your Aunt Mirandy, I'd show you. {To Fingers.) Shuah, Fingers, I know Lucindy will be proud to take you. Come ovah dis' evenin' an' de close will be ready. {Glances up stage.) But look! Look dere! If dat ain't Lucindy now an' Chick Watson an' Jeff Jones am wif her. Jeff's got her by de arm and Chick's holdin' her parasol ovah her. Dat looks plum suspicious. Fingers. Hit suttinly do, 'case bof dem fellers used to be sparkin' Annabelle Lucas. I guess de news has done got out. Dere comin' dis way. Hurry an' len' me yoh coat an' hat. Dere's no time to be lost. Dere's Annabelle trailin' behind wif dat li'l no 'count George Jackson. Dere's sumpin' up or she wouldn't have to fall back on him. Rastus {holding hack). You'll split even wif me? Fingers {impatiently). Shuah! Hurry! Hurry! {They make hurried exchange of coats and hats. Fin- gers gets Rastus^ tie under his ear.) Enter Lucindy Perkins, Jeff Jones and Chick Watson. Fingers {stepping forward to block the way, Ras- tus at his side). Good aftahnoon, Lucindy. {Bows profoundly.) A lovely day, am it not? I'se been wantin' to see you. May I excort you to de lodge meetin' dis evenin'? (Chick and Jeff glare at him.) Lucindy {coyly). Oh, Mistah Martin, I kain't give you an answer now. Bof dese gen'l'mans has axed me an' I hardly knows what to say. Rastus. Bettah go wif Fingers, Lucindy. Jes' see what a coat an' hat he's got. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 109 Jeff. Yes, an' look at his shoes. {Laughs.) Fingers. Dese ain't mah Sunday shoes. Rastus. No gal bettah not go wif you, Jeff Jones, 'case you're likely to be pinched any minute 'count of dat shootin' scrap. Jeff. I — I — doan know nothin' 'bout no shootin' scrap. Chick. You keep out of dis. What's hit to you who Mis' Perkins goes to de lodge meetin' wif? Rastus. Why, I git half — (Fingers gives him a shove.) Oh, I mean, I mean — well, she bettah not go wif you neither. Ole Cap Larkins said he was goin' to git you, you chicken thief ! Chick. Me a chicken thief! I neber done stole a chicken in mah whole life. {Others laugh.) Fingers. Dey doan call you "Chick" Watson for nothin'. What's dat you got undah yoh coat right now? Chick. Dat's a — dat's a kitten I'se takin' home to mah li'r sistah. Rastus. Let's see dat kitten. (Fingers and Rastus scuffle with Chick.) Enter Annabelle and George. Annabelle. Foh de Ian' sakes ! Foh de Ian' sakes! What's all dis about? {They stop scuffling.) Finger. Chick said he had a kitten undah his coat an' we wanted to see hit. Rastus. Mebbe he's got a kitten but hit's shuah got de queerest fur I eber did see. {Holds up handful of feathers, lets them slowly drop from fingers. All except Chick laugh.) LuciNDY. Oh, I had a lettah an' I must a' dropped it. Oh, there it is! (Chick, Jeff and Fingers jump for it. They hump heads. Chick gets it. He elab- orately wipes it on coat sleeve, blows off imaginary dust and hands it to Lucindy with low bow. Fingers seises it.) Fingers. Chick, I'se plum ashamed of you — wipin' off dat lettah on yoh dirty coat sleeve. {Takes out no DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS handkerchief, which looks like dust cloth, wipes letter and hands it to Lucindy. Jeff seises letter.) Jeff. Mis' Lucindy, doan you touch that lettah. Let me clean hit off foh you. (Reaches in coat pocket for handkerchief, fails to find one. Explores all pock- ets with like result. All laugh but Jeff and Lucindy.) Lucindy (pettishly). Oh, give me de lettah! Annabelle. Dat's what I say. You big gumps! Kain't she dust off her own lettah if she's so particu- lah? Fingers. Doan mind her, Lucindy. She's no lady so she doan know how to talk 'round ladies like you is. Annabelle (advancing). Me no lady? You say dat agin, Fingers Martin, an' see whar you Ian'. George (also advancing). I hope you'se got good teeth. Fingers Martin, 'case you done got to eat dose words. (They stand in threatening attitude.) Rastus (anxiously). If dere's gwine to be any fightin* you'se done got to take off mah coat. Fingers. Hush ! You'll give the whole thing away. ( To George. ) You li'l' runt, you ! Go away clean out of mah sight before I jus' nacherlly smiflicate you. Jeff (taking Lucindy's arm). Les, go, Mis' Per- kins. Dis ain't no fittin' company foh you. (Rastus and Fingers block way.) Annabelle. Somebody's gittin' lots of friends lately. George. Dey's welcome to her. (Rastus moves toward him threateningly.) Come on, Annabelle, we was goin' down to de Confectionmary to git some ice cream. (They start.) Lucindy. Ice cream! Oh, I jus' does think ice cream am de bestest stuff dis hot weather. (Her friends look at one another sheepishly, hastily go through their pockets, some turn them inside out.) George. Dey ain't one of dem got de price of an ice cream soda. (He and Annabelle laugh.) If dat ain't good! £„,,^ Les Lankins. Les. Hello, everybody! (To Annabelle.) Oh, DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 111 say, Annabelle, I done been lookin' foh you all ovah dis town. Jedge Preston says you should go up to his house right away. He wants to tell you 'bout dat five hundred dollahs ole Mis' Calwell done left you. {Others show astonishment.) Fingers. Left it to Annabelle ! You done said she left it to Lucindy. Les. I know. But I done make a mistake. You see I was — I was a listenin' an' I heard de Jedge say somebody was a "lucky culled gal" and de Mis' Jedge she say "Why?" An he say, 'case ole Mis' Calwell done left her five hundred dollahs an' in course I thought hit was Lucindy, 'case Lucindy'd been a-work- in' foh her so long. But today I hear 'em a talkin' agin an' hit's Annabelle, 'case on dat picnic dat time Annabelle she done save ole Mis' great-grandson from gittin' drownded. Annabelle {clapping her hands). Oh, glory! Glory! Five hundred dollahs! Oh, I doan know what to do, I'se so happy! George. Les' go right up to de Jedge's house, An- nabelle, an' find out all about hit. (Chick and Jeff step forward.) Chick. Let me excort you up dere, Miss Anna- belle. Jeff {shoving Chick aside). I'd be proud to have de pleasure of yoh company up de street. Miss Lucas. {Tries to take her arm.) Annabelle {indignantly). You'd bettah keep away. Doan you ebber speak to me agin. {To George.) Come, George. George {stepping in front of Annabelle and mak- ing deep how). Suttinly, wif'de greatest pleasure, An- nabelle. {He takes her arm and escorts her from stage.) Chick. Oh, well, hit's no use worryin*. Come on, Jeff, 'les go down to de house an' cook dis kitten I got undah my coat. Jeff. All right! A piece of fried chicken (I mean kitten) will make me forget any gal dat ebber Hved, 112 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS eben if she has done got five hundred dollahs. (They leave singing some popular song.) Fingers. De next time, Les Lankins, I wish you'd git things straight. You come a-tellin' me dat hit was Lucindy'd git de five hundred dollahs. Les. Well, I thought— Fingers. Oh, you thought — . Take that. (Strikes Les. They struggle.) Rastus (trying to separate them). You stop dat. Fust thing you know my coat will be all ruint. LuciNDY (pulling Les away from others). You leave Les alone. (She brushes his coat.). Rastus (to Fingers). You give me back my coat an' hat an' tie. You an' yoh ole gole mind! (They struggle off the stage.) LuciNDY (straightening Les' tie). Fust time I ebber did notice how terrible good lookin' you am, Mistah Lankins. (She hands him her parasol, takes his arm and says aside as they leave stage.) I'se done jus' obliged dat I'll have somebody to go to dat lodge meetin' wif. Curtain. I DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 113 SURPLUS ENERGY. characters. Mrs. Barnes. Edwin. The Minister. Clara. Harriet. Sadie. Willie. Scene: Parlor. Discovered, the five Children, romping and throw- ing things around. Enter Harriet. Harriet (colored — broom in hand). Why, law^s sakes ! What you chilluns doin' ? Why you tar down de house? Willie. Why, we were only playing. Didn't you never play yourself when you were young? Harriet. I nebber played like dat. I had dis parlor room so nice and clean 'case yoh mamma said dat de ministah is gwine to come today. Clara. Well, fix it up nice and clean again. You ought to be glad that we give you something to do. Harriet. I'se got plenty to do without doin' mah work twice ovah. Edwin. I don't believe you are very fond of work, Harriet. I heard Pete say you would dodge as much of it as you could. Sadie. And he said he was afraid you wouldn't support him as well as he was used to and so he got him another girl. Harriet. Dat sassy nigger ! Jes* wait till I see him I Children (dancing around Harriet). She's get- ting mad! She's getting mad! (Harriet chases them from room.) ^ ^ ,, ^ Enter Mrs. Barnes. Mrs. Barnes. Why, Harriet, how is it you are standing here with the broom in your hand ? Oh, I see, the children — 114 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Harriet {indignantly), I had dis parlor room all fixed up yestiddy an' now look at hit ! Mrs. Barnes. I see. But remember that children are children and must expend their surplus energy in some way. Harriet. I tell you, if dey doan spend dere sum- plus energy some odder way, Fse gwine to leave. Mrs. Barnes. Oh, Harriet, don't talk that way! Just hurry and get everything in order. {Exit.) Harriet {sweeping). "Sumplus energy." "Sum- plus energy." I call hit sumplus mischief, dat an' nuthin' else. Heah's de ministah already. {Exit.) Enter Mrs. Barnes. Mrs. Barnes {going to door as knock is heard). Mr. Jones is making his very first call here. That will cook some of the members of this parish. {Crash is heard outside.) Oh, the children are a trifle noisy. But the minister will realize it is only their surplus energy. {Opens door.) Enter The Minister. Mrs. Barnes {continuing). It is a great honor and pleasure to have you visit us so soon after taking charge of the parish. {She takes his hat and they are seated.) Minister. I assure you that the pleasure is mutual and upon this occasion business and pleasure can be combined, for you have been very highly recommended to me to take charge — {Loud noise outside.) As I was saying, you have been highly recommended to me as a suitable person to — Enter Willie. Willie {boisterously). Mamma, mamma, Harriet hit me with the broom. Mrs. Barnes. Hush, Willie! Run away and tell Harriet I said not to dare to do anything like that again. Willie. She'd better not, the fat old stiff. {Exit.) DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 115 Minister. Rather a fine boy is Willie. He seems to be full of surplus energy. Mrs. Barnes. That's what I tell Harriet, but she has no patience with the dear children. Minister. To resume our conversation — you were highly recommended to me as one eminently fitted to take charge of a class which I wish — (crash outside). Mrs. Barnes. Excuse me one minute, please. I will see what is the matter. Minister. Surplus energy! It*s a good thing if properly controlled, but I fear that Mrs. Barnes has not the capacity to take control of the class which I intend to organize. Having gone thus far in broach- ing the subject to her, though, I don't see very well how I can withdraw. Perhaps another interruption will relieve the situation. Enter Mrs. Barnes. Mrs. Barnes. It was nothing. The children merely overturned the library table and knocked a pic- ture or two off the wall. They are so full of surplus energy. Minister. True, true. But I fear my time will not permit me — Enter Harriet in street costume and with large bun- dle under her arm, Harriet. Fse gwine to leave. 1*11 not stay where chilluns has so much sumplus energy, an' where dey's all time makin' fun ob me. Mrs. Barnes. Why, Harriet ! You know they never make fun of you. That wouldn't be polite and no one can tell me my children are ill-bred. Harriet. Dey does so. Dey make up a piece *bout me an* dey's always a-sayin* hit. Mrs. Barnes. Just a little good-natured sport. Don't be so touchy. Enter the five Children. 116 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Children (standing in line and pointing at Har- riet). Harriet's mad and she's awful sad Because she knows the truth, sir. Big Black Pete's got a new girl sweet And likes old Harriet no more, sir. (Harriet advances threateningly toward Children. They rush around room trying to dodge her, hide he- hind Minister, jostle him. The Minister rises. The Children try to keep him between them and Har- riet.) Mrs. Barnes. Harriet, stop this instant. Don't you dare to hurt one of those children. {Seizes Harriet by arm.) I'll have you arrested — making all this dis- turbance over a little surplus energy. {They all leave stage in great confusion.) Curtain. VOTES FOR WOMEN. characters. Mrs. Ashby. Mrs. Eastman. Mrs. Baker. Arabella. Mrs. Carter. Johnny. Mrs. Durbin. Susie. Scene: Living room. Discovered, the matrons. Mrs. Ashby. Well, I guess all that are coming are here now. Mrs. EUers called up and said she had a kettle of soap on — that it would be a grand thing to vote and all that, but who'd cook her soap ? She told me to notice what Arabella was wearing — said she was going to make over her green brilliantine dress, and being that Arabella was just from the city, maybe she would have the latest styles. Mrs. Baker. I hardly think Arabella pays much attention to fashions. She will very likely tell us her mind is upon higher affairs. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 117 Mrs. Carter. There was a time when she liked to fix up as well as anyone — when she first started to go with Rob Burns. Mrs. Durbin. And a lucky thing for her if she had married him, instead of running all over the coun- try, wearing herself out making silly speeches. Mrs. Eastman. Why, Mrs. Durbin ! That doesn't sound very much as if you are in favor of women voting. Mrs. Durbin. And I'm not. Are you? Mrs. Eastman. Well, my mind is not made up. That's why I came today. We should study both sides of every question. Mrs. Durbin. I'm sure one side of it gives me all I can do. I'm as busy as a bee from morning till night. Besides you don't know Arabella if you think she will give more than one side a showing. Mrs. Ashby. I'm afraid that's so. When she wrote to me to get up this meeting, she filled about ten pages with talk about striking a blow for the freedom of women, breaking their fetters* the Dark Ages — what- ever they are — and a lot more. I had to start supper before I finished the letter, and when I went to look for it I found that Jimmie had used the very pages I hadn't read for a kite. I wrote back and told her we'd be glad to hear her speak and I'd try to get as many together as I could. I'm afraid she'll be disap- pointed that there isn't a crowd. Mrs. Baker. I heard a number of the women say they wished they could come, just to hear what she had to say, but it's such a busy time. Mrs. Carter. It certainly is. I could hardly get ofif. I had an awful washing to do this morn- ing, but seeing that Arabella's folks and I were al- ways such good friends I thought I'd come. I sup- pose she takes after her father. The old judge cer- tainly did like to hear himself talk. Mrs. Durbin. Though when Arabella was here she seemed just like the rest of the girls — jolly and wanting a good time. It's too bad she ever went to 118 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS the city. If she had stayed here she never would have joined that League, or whatever she calls it — and got all those notions in her head. Mrs. Eastman. Here she's coming now. The train got in on time for a wonder. That will give her two hours with us. She's going on to Rockwood on the 4:30. She must be a good speaker to have so many dates to -fill and maybe she will show you ladies where you're wrong. As for me, I'm going to listen with an open mind. Perhaps we ought to vote. One thing I know! I'm as smart as any man in this town — though of course that's not saying much. {Knock is heard. Mrs. Ashby goes to the door. Ladies rise.) Enter Arabella. Arabella (after greeting and shaking hands with each one of the ladies). How nice it seems to be back in the dear little town after being gone so long ! Mrs. Ashby. And we're all glad to see you, Ara- bella. How well you look ! Traveling must agree with you. Arabella. Yes, I suppose it does, but the noble work in which I am engaged has left little time for my thoughts to dwell upon its pleasures. Mrs. Durbin (aside). Sounds like the old judge when he was 'round electioneering. Mrs. Ashby. Well, now, everybody sit down and Arabella will tell us all about it. (All take seats except Arabella, who stands by table.) Arabella. With the greatest of pleasure. When I left here two years ago for the metropolis, where I joined the League and became a student of the most important, the most vital question that ever confronted the people of this or any other age, I resolved that my old and dear friends would be the first to receive the benefit of my acquired knowledge — ^the first to re- ceive a ray of light that would dispel the darkness and gloom that has enshrouded women in the past. Mrs. Ashby. Why, you talk like a regular speaker, I DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 119 Arabella. How nice ! But there's little Johnny Baker running up the walk. I wonder what's the matter. Mrs. Baker {greatly excited). Johnny coming! Something's happened at home! Enter Johnny. Mrs. Baker {continuing, seizing Johnny's arm). What is it, Johnny? Did somebody get hurt? Hurry up ! Don't stand there staring ! Can't you see I'm about crazy? Did the baby swallow something? Or did one of the others fall down in the well? Why don't you — Johnny. Well, maw, give me a chance. There's nothin' the matter, only the chickens got in the gar- den — Mrs. Baker. And you call that nothing, though of course it might be worse. Did you get them all out? Why didn't you watch? You know that gate blows open. Johnny. We were watching. We saw them as soon as they got in, and we all rushed out and paw had the baby and he fell against the clothes prop and that broke the line loose from the post and all your white clothes fell in the mud. Mrs. Baker. What ! I'll never be able to get them clean. Oh, why didn't — Johnny. And paw dropped the baby. She got all muddy, but it didn't hurt her much. Mrs. Baker. Dropped the baby ! Oh, it must have hurt her. Where's my bonnet? {Looks for it.) I must go home. I'll find her dead, I know I will. Mrs. Eastman. Now, don't get excited, Mrs. Baker. She isn't hurt or Jim would have sent word for you to hurry right home. Johnny. No, maw, I tell you she isn't hurt. We were scared at first, though. She was kind of black in the face and paw thought she had mebbe swallowed her rattle. She had it in her mouth when he ran out and we couldn't find it no place, but at last Frank 120 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS saw it over by the fence. It must have flew out of her mouth when paw fell over the clothes prop. Mrs. Baker. Black in the face, you say? {Turns to ladies.) Now, what could have made her turn black in the face? Oh, I must hurry home. I know she's bad hurt. (Starts.) Mrs. Ashby (detaining her). Now, now, Mrs. Baker, it's nothing. I guess the jar made her hold her breath. (To Johnny.) Her face got to looking all right in a minute or two, didn't it, Johnny? Johnny. Yes, ma'am. She cried a little but we took her in and she eat like everything and then got to laughing and cutting up to beat the band. Mrs. Baker. Ate like everything, did she? What did you give her to eat ? Johnny (aside). Oh, shucks! I forgot paw told me not to say we had given her anything to eat. Mrs. Baker. What was it? Crackers? I said if she cried not to give her a thing but a cracker. You know she's been sick. Johnny. Well, we looked for 'the crackers, but we couldn't find them — Mrs. Baker. There wasn't anything cooked in the house. Johnny. There was a big kettle of kraut. Mrs. Baker. And you gave her kraut! Johnny. Yes'm. She liked it. But paw wouldn't give her much — just one saucerful. Mrs. Baker. Well, I must go home. She'll be sick for a month, I suppose, but maybe it serves me right. After this I'll know enough not to bother about votes for women. (To Arabella.) Goodbye, Arabella, and I wish it was so you could come to see us. Next time you must fix it so you can stay a week or more. Arabella. Thank you, Mrs. Baker. I do hope the baby won't be sick. Mrs. Baker. Well, I hope so. (To others.) Good- bye, everybody. Come when you can. (Ladies re- spond.) Come, Johnny. DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 121 Johnny (aside). I kind of hate to face my paw. (Exeunt Mrs. Baker and Johnny.) Mrs. Eastman! Now, that was too bad, but I'm sure the baby will, be none the worse. And go on with your speech, Arabella. My, I'm interested! There's nothing I'd like better than to vote and maybe we could hold office, too. Wouldn't it be lovely to go to Washington like your father did, Arabella? Hurry and tell us all about it. Arabella. To proceed then : Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are the inalienable rights of woman as well as of man, and as long as woman is deprived of the liberty of exercising her right to vote, she is in a condition of slavery. I might go further and say, "Ladies, under present conditions you are slaves!" Yes, I repeat it. "You are slaves!" Mrs. Carter. Oh, Arabella, that's putting it too strong, don't you think? Slaves! If I'm not boss in my own home, then I'd like to know who is ! But, good gracious me ! There's my Susie. I wonder what's happened. Come in and tell me the worst at once. Enter Susie. Mrs. Carter (rising and continuing). What is it, Susie? What's the matter? Susie. Oh, nothing, mom, only Anna said I'd bet- ter come over and ask you if 110 wasn't pretty high for the incubator? Mrs. Carter. 110! Did it get that high? Oh, the eggs are cooked! Did any of you touch the lamp? Susie. I don't know. Mebbe Robbie did. He was in there by himself awhile. Mrs. Ashby. There's the telephone. I must an- swer it. Mrs. Carter. Well, I must go home and see what I can do. But I guess it's too late now. Mrs. Eastman. Oh, maybe not. Take them out and cool them and maybe they will be all right. Mrs. Carter. Well, I'll see. Goodbye, Arabella. Maybe you will learn after awhile that women are not 122 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS slaves, but they have to be at home pretty much all the time if they don't v^ant everything to get topsy- turvy. My, I hate it about those eggs. I sent off for them and would rather have run that incubator right this time than run for President of the United States. Goodbye. I must hurry home. (Others reply. Exit Mrs. Carter.) Enter Mrs. Ashby. Mrs. Ashby. Did Mrs. Carter go home? My, I hope those eggs won't be spoiled. (To Mrs. East- man.) That telephone message was for you, Mrs. Eastman. Your husband said to get home as soon as you could. Your cousin Jennie and the children are there. Mrs. Eastman (delighted). Oh, good! I've been looking for them so long and she wrote last week she was afraid she couldn't come. They'll stay two or three weeks, anyhow, and then I'll go home with them. Tom said I sure must. I haven't been on a trip for nearly two months. (To Arabella.) Arabella, I'm sorry you're not staying longer. I'd love to have you meet Jennie and the children — they are just too dear. I must hurry now. Oh, I'm just too glad for anything. Arabella. But, Mrs. Eastman, I thought you wanted to hear about votes for women. I could tell you in a few words — Mrs. Eastman. Oh, yes, and I'm awfully inter- ested, but any time will do for that. Mrs. Ashby and Mrs. Durbin, you must come over as soon as you can. I must run now to see those darling kids. (Exit.) Mrs. Ashby, Please excuse me for just a minute. I'm so uneasy about my incubator since I heard about Mrs. Carter's that I must run down to the basement to see if it is too high. Mrs. Durbin. Well, Arabella, your audience wasn't very large at first and it's dwindled down to me, and if you'll excuse me, I'm not much interested in "votes for women" talk. No, indeed. Woman's place is in the home — DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 123 Arabella. But every woman hasn't a home. Take myself for instance — Mrs. Durbin. And who's fault is that? You could have had Rob Burns any time you said the word. Arabella. But it's too late now. Mrs. Durbin. Too late? I haven't told you yet why I'm here this afternoon instead of doing my work at home as I should be doing. I came to bring a mes- sage from that poor, faithful — Arabella. Do you mean that Rob is waiting for me yet? Mrs. Durbin. Of course he is. And he's over at my house. It's a good thing the meeting broke up as it did — ^you'll have time for a nice visit with him and he'll talk all those foolish ideas out of your head. We'll just wait to tell Mrs. Ashby goodbye and then we'll hurry home. (Pats Arabella on shoulder.) I'm glad you're coming to your senses, my dear. But you wouldn't be your father's daughter if you didn't have a level head. (To audience.) See how the girl gives up the vote for the voter. Curtain. 124 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS WHO CUT THE SWING. characters. Miss Dorothy. Elmer. Mr. Ames. James. Marvin. Richard. Robert. Other pupils to form classes. Scene: School room. Primary reading class in front. Miss Dorothy. Now, Richard, you may read the next paragraph. (Richard rises and reads. Marvin takes pencil and jabs James in cheek. James shoves him and they start to scuffle. Marvin pushes some books off the desk on James^ side. James starts to pick them up. Marvin becomes absorbed in study.) Miss Dorothy. Stop reading, Richard. There is so much noise I cannot hear you. (To James.) Well, really, James, it seems to me a boy of your size would be a little more careful. Don't keep so many books on the top of your desk after this, then they won't fall off and disturb the whole room. Richard, you may continue your reading. (Richard reads.) James (to Marvin). You're always getting me called down. Marvin. Am I? Why don't you watch sharp? James. I am going to get even with you. Marvin (laughs). You always say that. (Rich- ard finishes paragraph and takes seat.) Miss Dorothy. There seems to be whispering in the room. James, are you talking? James. Yes, Ma'am. Miss Dorothy. Marvin? Marvin (innocently). No, Miss Dorothy. Miss Dorothy. James, it seems to me you are get- ting to be a very troublesome boy. (To Richard.) DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 125 Richard, you must read that paragraph again. I hardly heard you. (Richard rises and reads.) James {to Marvin). I wouldn't tell a lie. Marvin. I didn't. I wasn't talking right then. James. You knew what she meant. Marvin. She ought to say what she means. Miss Dorothy. Well, Richard, you read very nicely, {To Class.) You all knew your lesson today so you may have a new one. And while the next class is reciting, you will, as usual, make a list of the words you cannot pronounce and of those whose meaning you do not know. You may rise. (Class does so.) Pass. {They pass to seats.) We will now hear the class in history. Rise. (Class rises.) Pass. {They pass to front of room and take seats. Marvin sits be- hind James.) We have a very important subject to- day — Greene's campaign in the South. (Marvin keeps pushing James mith pencil. James squirms in seat and pays no attention to teacher — partly turns his head toward Marvin.) This campaign had much to do with the successful conclusion of the war. James, you may tell us what your history says of the tactics of this great general. James {rising, to Elmer). What did she say? Elmer {to James). I dunno. (James makes no reply to teacher and seems embarrassed.) Miss Dorothy. I am afraid you have not prepared your lesson. Indeed, I would be surprised if you did not fail — the way you were wasting your time. But you must have gathered something from your lesson. Give us your own opinion, if you do not know the author's. Do you think the great commander was right? What would you have done under the circum- stances? (James shuffles from one foot to the other, glances appealingly at Elmer^ who shakes his head.) Marvin {to James). Tell her you would have turned the birds loose. Miss Dorothy {sharply). Well, James? Fm wait- ing. 126 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS James. I would have turned the birds loose. Miss Dorothy. James! I don't know what to make of you! There is a time for joking, but not in history class, especially as you are all so far behind what the course of study requires. Elmer {to Marvin). You ought to be ashamed. Marvin {to Elmer). Isn't he a boob? Miss Dorothy {to James). You may be seated, James. You have not been funny at all. (James takes ^^^^'^ Enter Robert. Robert {taking seat and raising hand). Miss Dor- othy! Miss Dorothy! Miss Dorothy. Well, Robert? Robert. Miss Dorothy, the girls better not swing on that grapevine swing of theirs at noon hour. I passed there when I went to the spring for a drink and I noticed someone had cut it nearly in two. It's a good thing I saw it, 'cause if they had started to swing, it would sure have broken and they would have gotten hurt. Miss Dorothy. Certainly they would, and perhaps very seriously. I'm so glad you noticed it, Robert. But who could have done anything like that? This is a very serious matter — not like some of the little tricks played before. Now, I must find out who the culprit is. Elmer. It was all right this morning at recess— and Robert is the only one who has left the room. Robert. Well, I didn't do it. Think I'd do some- thing like that and then come right in and tell on my- self. Besides, I couldn't reach up to where it was cut. I tried. I was going to cut it all the way off. Elmer {aside). Marvin and James came in late after recess. It's one of them. {Loud knock is heard. Miss Dorothy goes to door.) Enter Mr. Ames. Mr. Ames. How de do. Miss Dorothy? (Miss Dorothy places chair for him.) No, thank you. I DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 127 won't sit down. I just came over to tell you about that swing. (Marvin frightened.) My, I hurried! Afraid it would be free time before I could get here and some of the children would get hurt. That new hired hand of mine — the bone-head — saw it being cut, and instead of finishing the job or telling you, he waits till he comes in for dinner and then just hap- pens to mention it to me. Now, Miss Dorothy, you know I never interfered in the school or tried to tell you what to do, like some directors, but I really think that boy {points to Marvin) ought to be punished. Miss Dorothy. I think so, too. He ought to be made to realize that there is a great difference be- tween some harmless trick and a practical joke which might have resulted in loss of life. James, come here. (James rises and slowly approaches teacher's desk.) Did you not realize, James, that the swing would prob- ably break and some of the girls be seriously injured? (James looks at Marvin but does not reply.) Answer my question, James. (A pause.) Marvin (rising). He didn't do it, Miss Dorothy. I did it. Miss Dorothy. You, Marvin! Mr. Ames. Of course he did it. I pointed to him. I was just waiting to see if he would own up. Miss Dorothy. I thought you pointed to James. Mr. Ames. That's because James seems just nat- urally to blunder into trouble while this little scamp (looks at Marvin) is as slick as an eel. I've known these boys all their lives, Miss Dorothy. There isn't a better boy than James or a more mischievous one than Marvin. I was afraid he was getting spoiled. He's on the road all right, but as long as he's honor- able enough not to let another take the blame for a really serious offense, perhaps there's hope for him. You going to amend your ways, young man? Marvin. I sure am, Mr. Ames. And er — er — Mr. Ames. You want me to ask Miss Dorothy to let— 128 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS Marvin. Oh, thank you, Mr. Ames. And thank you, too. Miss Dorothy. You will see that I appreci- ate your kindness. I am going to be very good from now on. Mr. Ames {to Miss Dorothy). Didn't I tell you he was slick? Curtain. FINIS ^c\C- DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS Partial List of Successfui and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. Price 25 Cents Each M. F. All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 Aunt Harriet's Night Out, 35 min 1 2 Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 35 min 11 Billy's Chorus Girl, 30 min. ..23 Borrowed Ltuicheon, 20 min.. 5 Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 Class Ship, 35 min 3 8 Divided Attentions, 35 min... 1 4 Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 Getting Rid of Father, 20 min. '3 1 Goose Creek Line, 1 hr 3 10 Great Pumpkin Case, 35 min.. 12 Hans \'on Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 Honest Peggy, 25 min 8 H-ish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 Just Like a Woman, 35 min... 3 3 Last Rehearsal, 25 min 2 3 Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 ]\Iother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 Mrs. lenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 Paper Wedding, 30 min 1 5 Pat's Matrimonial A'enture, 25 min , 1 2 Patsy O'VVang, 35 min 4 3 Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 Sewing for the Heathen, 40 min 9 Shadows, 35 min 3 4 Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 Teacher Kin I Go Home, 35 min 7 3 Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 min 3 6 Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 Uncle Dick's :Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 Wanted: a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of Spades. 40 min 3 6 ^^^lo^e Truth. 40 min 5 4 Who's the Boss? 30 min . . 3 6 Wide Knough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. Price 15 Cents Each April Fools, 30 min 3 Assessor, The, 15 min 3 2 Baliy Sliow at Pineville, 20 min. 19 Before the Play Begins, 15 min 2 1 Dilly's Mishaps, 20 min 2 3 Country Justice, 1 S min 8 Cow that Kicked Chicago, 25 m. 3 2 Familv Strike, 20 min 3 3 First-Class Hotel. 20 min 4 For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 Lottie Sees It Through, 35 min. 3 4 Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 Please Pass the Cream, 20 min. 1 1 Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 Smith's LTnlucky Day, 20 min.. 1 1 That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 Wanted: A Hero, 20 min 1 1 VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES Price 25 Cents Each Amateur, 15 min 1 1 At Harmony Junction,' 20 min. 4 Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 Hey, Ru])e! 15 min 1 It Might Happen, 20 min 1 1 Little Miss Enemy, 15 min.... 1 1 Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 Marriage and After, 10 min,. 1 One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 Quick Lunch Cabaret, 20 min. . 4 Si and I, 15 min 1 Special Sale, 15 min 2 Street Faker, 15 min 3 Such Ignorance, IS min 2 Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 Time Table, 20 min 1 1 Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min,. 1 Two Jay Detectives, 1 5 min . . 3 Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 Vait a Minute 2 BLACK-FACE PLAYS Price 15 Cents Each Axin' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 Booster Club of Blackville, 25 min 10 Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 Coon Creek Courtship, 15 m... 1 1 Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 Darktown Fire Brigade, 25m.. 10 Good Mornin' Judp^e, 35 min.. 9 2 Hungry, 15 min 2 Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 Memphis Mofc, 25 min 5 1 Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 What Happened to Hannah, 15 min 1 1 A great number of Standard and Amateur Plays not found here are listed in Denison's Catalogue T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Pubiishers,154W. Randolph St., Chicago POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS \ Illustrated Paper Covers. IN this Series are found books touching every feature in the enter- tainment field. Finely made, good paper, clear print and each book has an attractive individual cov- er design. A Partial List DIALOGUES All Sorts of Dialogues. Selected, fine for older pupils. Catchy Comic Dialogues. Very clever;, for young people. Ciiildren's Comic Dialogues. From six to eleven years of age. Country School Dialogues. Brand new, original. Dialogues for District Schools. For country schools. Dialogues from Dickens. Thirteen selections. Friday Afternoon Dialogues. Over 60,000 copies sold. From Tots to Teens. l^ialogues and recitations. Humorous Homespun Dialogues. For older ones. Little People's Plays. From 7 to 13 years of age. Lively Dialogues. For all ages; mostly humorous. Merry Little Dialogues. Thirty-eight original selections. When the Lessons are Over. Dialogues, drills, plays. Wide Awake Dialogues. Original successful. SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES Choice Pieces for Little People. A child's speaker. The Comic Entertainer. Recitations, monologues, dialogues. Dialect Readings. Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. The Favorite Speaker. Choice prose and poetry. The Friday Afternoon Speaker. For pupils of all ages. Humorous IVIonologues. Particularly for ladies. Monologues for Young -Folks. Clever, humorous, original. Monologues Grave and Gay. Dramatic and humorous. Scrap- Book Recitations. Choice collections, pathetic, hu- morous, descriptive, prose, poetry. 15 Nos. DRILLS The Best Drill Book. Very popular drills and marches. The Favorite Book of Drills. Drills that sparkle with originality. Little Plays With Drills. For children from 6 to 11 years. The Surprise Drill Book. Fresh, novel, drills and marches. SPECIALTIES The Boys' Entertainer. Monologues, dialogues, drills. Children's Party Book. Invitations, decorations, games. The Christmas Entertainer. Novel and diversified. The Days We Celebrate. Fntertainments for all the holidays. Good Things for Christmas. Recitations, dialogues, drills. Good Things for Sunday Schools. Dialogues, exercises, recitations. Good Things for Thanksgiving. A gem of a book. Good Things for Washington and Lincoln Birthdays. Little Folks' Budget. Easy pieces to speak, songs. One Hundred Entertainments. New parlor diversions, socials. Patriotic Celebrations. Great variety of material. Pictured Readings and Tableaux. Entirely original features. Pranks and Pastimes. Parlor games for children. Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades, and how to prepare. Tableaux and Scenic Readings. New and novel; for all ages. Twinkling Fingers and Sway- ing Figures. For little tots. Yuletide Entertainments. A choice Christmas collection. MINSTRELS, JOKES The Black-Face Joker; .Minstrels' and end men's gags. A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. - Monologues, stump speeches, etc. Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. A merry trip for fun tourists. Negro Minstrels. All about the business. The New Jolly Jester. Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. Largre illustrated Catalogue Free T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers ,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process Neutralizing agent; Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date: Nov, 2007 PreservationTechnologies A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 111 Thomson Park Drive Cranberry Township, PA 16066 (724)779-2111