^^^^^^SHpr ICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS ^ z/ WHAT HAPPENED ®f TO BRAGGS BY B- L. C. GRIFFITH THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA SHOEMAKER'S BEST SELECTIONS For Redwdings and Recitdwtions Nos. I to 27 Now Issued Paper Binding, each number, - • • 30 cents Cloth *• ** " - - • 50 cents Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who have had occasion to use books of this kind, concede this to be the best series of speakers published. The different numbers are compiled by leading elocution- ists of the country, who have exceptional facilities for securing selections, and whose judgment as to their merits is invaluable. No trouble or expense is spared to obtain the very best readings and recitations, and much material is used by special arrangement with other publishers, thus securing the best selections from siich American authors as Longfellow, Holmes, Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and Phcebe Gary, Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost Eng- lish authors are also represented, as well as the leading French and German writers. This series was formerly called "The Elocution- ist's Annual," the first seventeen numbers being pub- lished under that title. While the primary purpose of these books is to supply the wants of the public reader and elocution- ist, nowhere else can be found such an attractive col- lection of interesting short stories for home reading. Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed upon receipt of price. The Pent! Publishing Company 923 Arch Street, Philadelphia What Happened to Braggs A Farce Comedy in Three Acts BY B. L. C. GRIFFITH Author of "BETWEEN THE ACTS.' "THE RECKONING," etc. PHILADELPHIA THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 1911 ^ast life. Dig out all the old tales and lies and color them higiily. Tom. By Jove 1 I'll do it. But the primaries come off in a week. Arthur. Then something decisive must be done at once. You say there is to be a reception for him to-night? Tom. Yes. Arthur. And I suppose the papers will be full of it to- morrow. You must have something to offset what may be said in his favor. Tom. But what ? Arthur. Ah, that is for you to find. {^Enter Dan, dow?i l. Carries Braggs' coat and trousers.^ Dan {to Tom). 'Sense me, sah, but Miss Murphy says will you kindly take dese here t'ings to de tailor's. Tom. But 1 haven't time now Dan. Dey am de Colonel's, sah, an' dey am mighty dirty. Tom. I am very busy. Dan. Yas, sah — but dey certainly do need attention, sah. Miss Murphy says dat Tom. Oh, all right, all right — don't bother. Dan. No, sah. {Puts them on chair and goes up c.) Tom. Dan ! Dan. Yes, sah 1 Tom. Did Mr. Cutter, the costumer, call for that wig and other things he lent me for the theatricals? Dan. No, sah I Tom. Dear me, I promised to return them yesterday. {Exit Dan, c.) You always had a great head, old fellow. You haven't changed a bit. (J^ises.) Arthur. Think not? Tom. Not a bit. The same old dare-devil. You talk the same, act the same, and look^I don't know though — now I think of it — you don't look altogether natural. What is it? Arthur. Nothing, I guess. 27 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Tom. You never did wear a moustache, so it isn't that. Nose, hair, moutli {Picks up album quickly and opaiing, examines a photograph.) Wliy, of course, it's the hair. I should have renciembered. How did you do it? Arthur. Do what ? Tom. Why, in our senior year your hair was so thin the fellows called you Garibaldi— and now — whose restorer do you use ? {Slarts toward him to exaviine.') Arthur. 1 never used any. Tom. Ah, come, don't be selfish. My hair is getting thin on top, and if you know what's good — let me look Arthur. What's the use? Tom. VVhy, it's as thick as a hay field. Don't be so fool- ish. {2'hey struggle and Tom pulls toupee from Ar- thur's head.) By Jove ! I'm sorry, old man. 1 didn't mean to scalp you like this. Arthur. Well, I'd like to know what nerve food you use. {Rises.) Now you see the kind of hair restorer I've had, 1 hope you're satisfied. Tom. Great Scott ! .A.KTHUR. What is it ? Tom. The Colonel ! (Arthur looks around ; Tom runs to table and snatches up photo ^Braggs.) You look enough like him to be his son. Arthur. Ah, hold on — that's not very flattering. Tom. But it's true. Look at yourself in the glass. If your hair were gray Arthur. My hair ? Tom. I mean on the sides of your head — and a few heavy wrinkles here and there, you would be his perfect image. Arthur {looki?ig in mirror). The deuce ! I never dreainpt I was as ugly as that. Tom. Why, you could pass for him anywhere. Arthur ! Let's try it. Arthur. Nonsense. Tom. Yes, yes. Just for sport. I can make you up beautifully. Arthur. But what's the use? What would I do? Tom. Why, impersonate the Colonel, of course. Some place where he's not likely to be. At one of the town stores, or the post-office — l have it — the Military Ball. 28 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Arthur. When ? loM. To-night. Arthur. Ah, no, that's too big a contract. Tom. Not for you. Why, this is the very chance I've been looking for. Think of it ! The Colonel goes to Smiths' reception and gels back here at midnight when every one is asleep. He'll be the last to leave, you know, since the affair is given for him. Well, just as soon as he returns, you siart for the ball. There you dance, flirt, go the pace. Go as far as you like, but get home before breakfast. I'll be up to let you in. And the next morning in the paper will be half a column about the Colonel at the reception and a column and a half about the Colonel at the ball. Arthur. A column and a half without a word of truth in it ! Tom. The more reasons for it being belie\^ed. I shall simply report how Colonel Braggs behaved — or rather misbehaved. 1 am not supposed to know that the real Colonel Braggs was not at the ball at all. Arthur. It sounds very easy. But it can't be done. Tom. Why? Arthur. 1 could never act the part. Tom. You don't have to act. Arthur. Well, you want me to play the fool Tom! Yes — ^just be natural. Arthur. Eh ? Tom. I don't mean that. But you see, I'll make you up so that tlie Colonel himself would think he was looking in a mirror. All you'll have to do is to enjoy yourself. Arthur. What ! Looking like the Colonel? Tom. Won't you help me? Arthur. Well, if 1 do 'J om. I knew you would — Arthur. You may be sorry. Tom. 1 couldn't be that. Arthur. I'll push the thing for all there's in it. Tom. That's right. Oh, what sport ! You wait a min- ute. {Exit, L.) Arthur. Well, of all the dangerous sprees ! It promises 29 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS well, though. {Looks at photo.) - Am I really as ugly as ihat ? (^Enter Kitty, l. Arthur snatches shawl from table afid puts it over head.) Kitty {seeing him). Oh 1 (^ With dignity.) I — I merely came to — lo Arthur. Oh, no apologies necessary. Kitty. Wliy, daddy's clothes haven't gone to the tailor's yet. Arthur. No. {Hides toupee at right end of sofa under pillow.) You see Tom was so greatly occupied Kitty. You ought to be ashamed of yourself — you and your beast. Arthur. Oh, come now, you shouldn't call Grip a beast. Kitty. Yes, I should. Arthur. And it wasn't my fault that your father proved attractive, Kitty. Yes, it was. Arthur. Oh — no Kitty. I say it was — it was. Arthur. Oh, well, just as you say. I am anxious to be agreeable. And really 1 am very sorry for what hap- pened. Particularly sorry, now that 1 know the Colonel is your father. {Pause.) Won't you forgive me, and try to like me? Kitty. Well, how can anybody like a man who looks that way? Arthur. What way ? Kitty {laughing). You look so silly ! Arthur. Eh ? {Remembers shawl over head.) Oh ! By Jove 1 Kitty {laughing). So luny. Arthur. Well, you see — I — there is such a draught here— and my constitution is so sensitive. I have felt chilly ever since you treated me so icily when we were intro- duced. Kitty. Really ? Arthur. Really. (Kitty laus^hs and turns up r. c. Arthur snatches off shazvl aiid quickly takes cap from table ; puts it on as Kitty turns.) 1 feel warmer now. Kitty. Take your cap off, sir. {Comes down r. c.) Arthur. I'm very sorry, but 30 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Kitty. How dare you wear it in the presence of a lady ? Arthur. 1 daren't — I never do Kitty [insulted^. Do you mean ? Arthur. Really, if you only knew' Kitty. I know that you are no gentleman Arthur. Don't say that Kitty {by sofa, dow7i r.). I mean it. {Stamps foot.') Take off your cap at once. Arthur {approaching R.). I would if I could, but Kitty. You can — you must. Do you hear ? At once. Very well, then. I shall wait until you do. {Sits viiddle of sofa.) And don't dare say a word to me. {Takes pilloiv from right eiid of sofa and puts it behind her ^ exposing toupee. Arthur sits down quickly ofi toupee. Kitty moves left end of sofa. Arthur cautiously moves toupee from under him and drops it over end of searing side-ivhiskers, a wig, Braggs' clothes, etc.) Are you hurt ? Arthur. I haven't had time to examine. Tom. What in the thunder kept you so long ? Arthur. Well, I took a lady home who lives a long way out — a widow, I believe — lost my way, and Tom (interrupting). All right. Tell me another time. Hurry and take off that disguise. Some one will be coming in a minute. 35 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS {^Helps Arthur off with his coat and vest and side-whiskers and wig.') Arthur. I never had so much sport in all my life. Ouch ! {Puts his hand to his mouth.) Tom. What's the matter ? Arthur. A piece of glass. Oh, you cucumber beds ! Tom {carrying coat, vest, etc., to table L. c). Judging from the crash, you must have collected enough glass to make you transparent. Arthur (r. ). I slipped, you know. Tom. 1 didn't suppose you jumped into the cucumber bed intentionally. (/f about to place Arthur's disguise upon the table l. c. Enter Dan, down l., hurriedly. Tom quickly hides the disguise under the table, the cloth of which comes to the floor. Arthur catches a shawl from the back of the sofa and wraps it around his legs and sits on the sofa doivn r.) Dan. Oh, sah ! 'Scuse me, but — but am he injured ? Tom {feigning not to understand). Injured? Who? What are you talking about? Dan. I seen him from de window — Colonel Braggs, sah. He precipitated into de glass beds and den Tom {interrupting). Sh ! Some one might hear you. Colonel Braggs was out very late last night — but proba- bly he would prefer it kept secret. Mr. St. John and I heard the crash also and hurried down. Arthur. Yes, I didn't have time to clothe myself decently. Dan (c, grinning). Ain't you got no raiment on your legs, sah? Arthur. None to speak of. (Dan laughs and turns up c.) Tom. Dan, you had better say nothing about this adven- ture of the Colonel's. Dan. Oh, I'll keep it perfectly obscure, sah. But de way he precipitated into dat glass bed {Bursts into laughter.) {Exit Dan, down l.) 36 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Arthur. Yes, it's awfully funny — till you've tried it. That was the only unenjoyable feature of a very enjoya- ble evening. Tom. Did you do everything as I directed ? Arthur. Everything (//t//^ «j/^/^), and a great deal more. [Folds the shawl and puts it on the sofa.) Tom. I wrote a column and a half for the " Independent." Wait until you see this morning's paper. Arthur. Rather hard on the Colonel, don't you think? Tom {sitting on sofa r.). No, a man has no right to enter politics if he doesn't expect to run the gauntlet of pub- lic opinion. Arthur. But there won't be a word of truth in your article. Tom. Oh, yes, there will. I have simply reported how Colonel Braggs behaved himself at the Military Ball, and I am not supposed to know that the real Colonel Braggs was not there at all. By the way, I roasted him for not appearing in evening dress. Arthur. But don't you think he will be able to prove an alibi? Tom. Certainly not. He was the last to leave Smiths* re- ception — it was given for him, you know — and when he got back here at twelve o'clock, every one was asleep. Now, since you didn't go to the ball until after he left Smiths', how is he going to prove that he came home ? Arthur. That's so. Besides, my make-up was so good that every one at the ball took me for the Colonel, and when I was wandering around this morning trying to find ray way, I met a little man who said he had met me at the reception and insisted upon showing me home. Tom. Wonder who that was? But by Jove! Arthur, we oughtn't to sit here. (Arthur rises. Tom points out L.) Go through the library and up the back stairs. Arthur. How about the Colonel's clothes? Tom {taking the clothing from tinder tabW). You had better take them with you Arthur. All right, Tom. and when he comes down to breakfast, I'll slip across to his room and put the things where we found 37 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGG8 them. (Exif Arthur, dowfi l.) It's very fortunate that Arthur enjoys a joke. {Sits left of table.') Per- haps it is a little rough on the Colonel, especially as he is Aunt Martha's guest, but I would give anything to defeat him for the judgeship. He is so pompous and so sure of being elected. My article in the " Inde- pendent " will create a great sensation. By Jingo! I shall be able to ask Blight if I can marry Lilian. But suppose my conspiracy should fail? 1 don't like to think of the consequences. (^Enter Martha, c.) Good-morning, Aunt Martlia. Martha (^looking around roof?i). Hasn't he — hasn't he come down yet ? Tom. No; Arthur didn't sleep well, and he Martha {interrupting). I — I mean Cousin Alexander. Tom. Oh, the Colonel. No, I haven't seen him. Prob- ably he feels exhausted after last night's dissipation. Martha. Dissipation ! {Severely, to Tom.) Cousin Alex- ander is a model of tem))erance and moderation. Tom. Oh, yes, of course. That is what all his constituents say. Martha {as if to herself). He is so noble ! so good I Tom {aside). So conceited and egotistical ! Martha. Always so courteous and even-tempered ! Braggs {out L., angrily). Get out of my way, you black, cocoanut-headed monkey ! Martha. His voice ! Tom {aside). Judging from its tones, his temper is not in its normal state this morning. {Enter Braggs, doivn L.) Braggs. These impudent servants are a confounded nui- sance ! Martha. Why, Cousin Alexander ! What has happened? Braggs {shortly). Nothing. Nothing whatever. Tom. Didn't you have a restful night? Braggs. Didn't sleep an hour. Tom. Oh, you must Braggs {interrupting). Not a half hour. Martha. I am so sorry. Tom. Perhaps you were out too late. Braggs. Not aher midnight. Tom. Drank too much coffee, then. 38 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Braggs. Coffee? Rubbish! 'lOM. You prefer tea ? Braggs {suspiciously). Eh ! {Aside,) I wonder if he means that for impudence. {Sits right of table l. c.) {Enter Dan, down L., with newspaper s.) Dan {going to table). De mornin* papers, sah. Martha. Is breakfast ready, Dan ? Dan. It am very imminent, ma'am. {Exit Martha, c. d.) Tom {aside). By Jove ! I wonder how he will enjoy my article. (Dan gives Braggs papers, and then bursts into suppressed laughter.) {Exit Dan /// l. Braggs takes up a newspaper and is about to read. Sifiging heard out L. Enter Kitty, c. , singing and skipping.) Kitty {curtseying to Tom). The top o' the mornin' to yez. {Runs up behind Braggs, and putting her hands over his eyes, kisses his bald head.) Braggs {severely). Kate ! Kitty. Right. Good guess. {Tickles the crown of his head.) Braggs {throwing down the newspaper upon the table). Katherine ! How often have 1 told you never to touch that spot ? Kitty {gaily). Oh, a couple of million times, but it's so tempting. Braggs. You are very disobedient. Kitty {sitting on the arm of Braggs' chair and putting her ami around his neck). Ah, was my old Daddy Longlegs in a temper? Braggs. Let me go. (Kitty rises and tickles Braggs on the crown of his head. Braggs springs to his feet.) I'll- — - {Exit Kitty, 71 p l., laughing. Bkaggs, aside.) She is becoming yjerfectly unmanageable. Tom. You have a charming daughter, Colonel. 39 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG8 Braggs {shortly). Think so? Tom. Undoubtedly. One would never imagine you to be her father. Braggs {sharply). Eh ! Tom. I — I mean You are so different, you know — that is to say Braggs {interrupting). You had better say nothing, young man. Tom {aside). There seems to be no use in trying to ex- plain. I'll go and see if Arthur has returned that suit of clothes. {Exit, down l.) Braggs {sitting by table l. c). Yes; Kate is certainly spoilt. The best thing for her will be a governess. After the election, when I am firmly established as county judge, I'll have plenty of time to look for a sensible woman. (Thoughtfully.) Perhaps some day — but no ; I fear Martha would never consent. If she had not refused me twenty years ago — {sighing) but she did, and perhaps her reasons were good. But why should a man be strictly temperate? It would be im- possible in politics. One must be sociable and reply to toasts — especially when votes depend upon it. Cham- pagne doesn't agree with me, though. It never did. I knew last night that I'd have a headache this morn- ing {Enter Dan, 7/p l.) Dan. 'Scuse me, sah. (Braggs pays no attention.^ Colonel ! Braggs {indifferently). Eh ! Dan. 'Scuse me, Colonel, but ^^AGGS {interrupting). Well, what is it ? What is it? Dan. Breakfast, sah. Braggs. Why didn't you say so before? Dan. I was preparin' to, sah, but Braggs {ifiterrupting and rising). You're an impudent rascal. Dan. Yas, sah. {Goes tip l.) Braggs. By the way, did you move a suit of clothes from a chair in my room ? Dan. I'd never transport nothin' without your instructions, Colonel. 40 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAG 08 Braggs (aside), Perhaps I didn't unpack it, after all. Dan. VVas it de clothes you wore last night, sah? Braggs. No ; of course not. Dan. I was considerin' that they were probably tore, sah. Braggs. Torn ! What do you mean ? Dan. When you scrambled across the garden wall and precipitated into the glass bed, you must have Braggs {astonished). Eh ! Dan {chuckling). 1 observed you, Colonel, but I'll keep de information entirely confidential, although de situa- tion was miglity rediclus. Braggs {angrily). Why, you insulting blackhead ! Dan. Yas, sah ; but 'scuse me Braggs {interrupting furiously). I'll punch your con- founded head ! Dan. But, Colonel, you don't understand. Braggs. I'll make you understand. {Exit Dan, up l., hurriedly.) I'hat man's insolence is unendurable. Such insulting language is beyond the bounds of all patience. {Breakfast bell rings.) Can it be that I took enough of anything last night to But no; impossible. I have taken the greatest care of my- self ever since the last presidential campaign. {Exit, up I..) {Enter Tom and Arthur, doivn l.) Tom. He's as cross as a bear this morning. Arthur. He'll be as mad as a hornet when he finds the condition his trousers are in. Tom. No doubt. I wish you had not fallen off that wall. Arthur. So do I. Tom. But the Colonel will never suspect. Arthur. 1 hope not. {Enter Dan, ?// l.) Dan. Breakfast, sah. Tom. All right, Dan. By the way, you didn't say any- thing to Colonel Braggs about {Hesitates.) Dan. 'Bout last night's 'speriences, sah? Tom. Yes. Dan. I just briefly mentioned de incident wid de glass bed, sah, an' 'peared as if he was mighty cut up 'bout it. 41 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG8 Arthur. Well — it was enough to cut up any man. Dan. Reckon it must have been. Tom {winkifig at Arthur). Perhaps the Colonel had been drinking. Dan {chuckling). He had one drop too many, dat's sure. (Bell rings.) Dere's de door-bell. (^Goes up c.) lOM. Dan, don't say anything to my aunt about the Colonel's frolic. Dan. Not a syllable, sah. {Bell rings agaiti.) Comin' ! Some one's in a preposterous hurry. {Exit, c.) Arthur. Perhaps it's fortunate that Dan saw me climbing over the wall. Tom. Yes — for he will be another witness against the Colonel. {Exeunt Tom and Arthur up l.) {Enter Mrs. B. iz;/^ Dan, c.) Mrs. B. Oh, I wouldn't disturb them for the world. I was passing and thought I would just stop a moment to see — see Miss Murphy. Dan. I — I'm sure she'll be mighty happy to see you, Mrs. Bird. Please be seated. Mrs. B. Will she be long? Dan. Not unreasonably so, ma'am. Just occupy a chair and I'll inform her dat you'se present. (Mrs. B. sits r. c. Dan goes up c.) Mrs. B. Oh— Dan ! Dan {stopping). Yas, ma'am. Mrs. B. {hesitatingly). Did — a — has — a — that is to say, is — a — is Colonel Braggs still visiting here ? Dan {chuckling). Y-yas, ma'am. Mrs. B. What are you laughing at ? Dan {chuckling). N-nothing, ma'am. {Bursts into laughter, which he tries to suppress. Exit, C.) Mrs. B. Why — what is the matter with the man ? Surely — surely he intends nothing personal. Can he have heard of the Colonel's attention to me last night at the 42 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Military Ball ? But no — who would tell him ? What a dear, delightful man the Colonel is ! And such an exquisite dancer ! Why, he never appeared to tire. I wonder — 1 wonder if he really meant everything he said while escorting me home. If Mr. Bliglit should hear of it, he would be awfully jealous. But then a widow has a perfect right to accept the attentions of any one. In fact, it is what is expected of widowhood. {^Enter Martha, l. Mrs. B. rises and goes to vieet Martha.) My dear Martha, how sweet of you to leave your breakfast just for me. {^Kisses her.^ Martha. Oh, I had quite finished. Mrs. B. I was passing, you know, and I couldn't resist the temptation to call as usual. How is — -the Colonel this morning ? Martha {surprised). You know him? Mrs. B. {siitifig). Intimately. Martha. Indeed ! Mrs. B. I met him last night. Martha. Oh ! (Siis.) Mrs. B. He is such an affinble, merry man, that after one has known him an hour or two, it seems almost as if he were a lifelong friend. Martha. I had always imagined it rather difficult to be- come acquainted with him. Mrs. B. Difficult ! Why, my dear Martha, it is the per- sonification of ease. He has such a wealth of jokes. Martha. Jokes ! Mrs. B. Oh, perfectly proper ones — except perhaps one or two, and they were excusable, considering the quantity of champagne he consumed. Martha. Did he drink champagne? Mrs. B. Of course. What else would he do with it, my love? Martha (aside). And I thought he had reformed for my sake. Mrs. B. I've been wondering just how old a man the Colonel might be — he looks fully fifty. Martha (7vith dignity). I am not at liberty ■ Mrs. B. {interrupting). Oh, I didn't ask, you know. But he behaves in such a boyish manner (^Enter Braggs and Tom, l.) 43 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGG8 Braggs {to Tom). Yes, sir; I won my rank through hero- ism during the war. Mrs. B. {rising and goifig toivard Braggs with hand ex- tended^. Good-morning, Colonel. {Shakes hands vig- orously.) 1 hope you are rested after last night's ex- ertions. Braggs {of course not recognizing her). Oh, yes, quite rested, thank you, Miss — a Mrs. B. Oh, Colonel— Mrs. Braggs. Oh, yes, yes — of course — Mrs. — Mrs. — I have such a poor memory for names, you know. Tom {prompting hiniy aside). Mrs. Bird. Braggs. Mrs. Bird. Mrs. B. I knew you'd remember your Birdie — eh, Colonel ? {Laughs merrily and tur?is to Martha.) Braggs {aside). Never saw her in my life. {To Tom.) Who the deuce is she ? Tom {aside to Braggs). An intimate friend of aunt's. Prob- ably you met her last evening. Braggs {half aside). Probably at the reception. {Enter Kitty a?id Arthur, l.) Kitty. Pll bet you a dozen pairs of gloves he will be elected. Arthur. I'll take you. {Sees Mrs. B.) Why, how are you? I didn't expect to have the extreme pleasure of (Tom punches him.) Eh? — Oh — -I — I— beg your pardon. 1 — I'm not supposed to — I — I mean 1 mistook you for — for a friend. Martha. This is Mr. St. John, Mrs. Bird. And this is Miss Braggs. Mrs. B. Tiie Colonel's daughter? Is it possible? Sweet child. We shall become very dear friends, I'm sure. (Braggs, Mrs. B., Kitty ^«// Martha talk aside.) Tom {aside to Arthur). Don't make any more blunders, or you will ruin everything. Arthur. I'll be careful, old man ; but considering the sweet confidences Birdie and I exchanged only a few hours since, it seems rather peculiar not to recognize 44 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG S one another. Why, she actually gave me a piece of her hair. Mrs. B. {lcadi?ig Braggs aaide). Colonel — tell me, what did you do witli that curl ? Braggs \jeeUng his hair). Curl, madam ? Mrs. B. The one your Birdie gave you. Braggs. My Birdie? {Aside.^ This female is — is de- mented. Mrs. B. Oh, you naughty boy. (Braggs retreats toward k.^ and Mrs. B./o//o7i>s, shakijig her finger and talking in pantomii7ie. He backs into a chair — then into Martha, who is talking to Kitty.) (iS'jr// Braggs, •R.yfollozued by Mrs. B.) Kitty. Why, what is the matter with daddy? Martha. I really cannot imagine. It's extraordinary ! (Kitty a7id Martha go to r. ajid look out.) (^Exeunt Martha and Kitty, r.) Tom {to Arthur). By the way, where did you put the Colonel's trousers? Arthur. In the closet. Tom. Oh, you should have left them on a chair, where they would be found. There's nothing like circum- stantial evidence in such matters. I'll go do it now. {Exit, down L.) Arthur (sitting by the table). I never enjoyed myself so much in all my life. I'm afraid the Colonel will have reason to remember his visit, though. It seems rather unkind to play such a joke upon him, for she — she is such a jolly sort of a girl. Kitty ! Pretty name. Kitty Braggs. That doesn't sound so well. Kitty — Kitty St. John. By Jove ! That's beautiful. If she would — but nonsense ! I've known her only a few hours. (Takes tfp paper from table.) The morning "Echo." I wonder if it contains any. echoes from last night's ball. But Tom is on the ''Independent." (Lays paper on right side of table. Takes up another paper from table.) Ah, this is it ! The " In- 45 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGG8 dependent" — William Blight — editor and By Jingo ! That was the name of the little man who escorted me home last night, or rather this morning. (^Enter Kitty, r. Arthur rises.) Ah, Miss Braggs, have you returned to renew our discussion ? Kitty. No — 1 bet you a dozen pairs of gloves that daddy would be elected Arthur. And I said I would take you. KiTTV. Take me ? Arthur. For better, for worse No, no, I don't mean that. Yes, I do ; I do. That is, you know, if I take you and you take me, why then we — we both take each other. Ha, ha, ha ! {Aside.) What in the deuce am I talking about ? Kitty. Daddy is received with enthusiasm everywhere. Arthur {aside'). Especially at balls. Kitty. Committees of leading citizens welcome him in every town with brass bands. {Marches up and down.) Boom, boom, boom -boom-boom, hurrah ! Is there anything in the paper about last night's reception ? Let me see. Arthur. Oh, no, no — nothing here at all. But the ''Echo" has a long account. {Picks up paper from right side of table and gives it to her. Aside.) The account in the "Independent" would break her heart. Kitty {sitting by table and reading paper). Oh, this is simply fine! Splendid! {Reads.) "Miss Braggs, the Colonel's attractive and accomplished daughter, looked charming in a gown of ." Isn't that too nice for anything ! My dress was only white muslin. {Reads to herself.) " Miss Braggs, the Colonel's at- tractive " {Enter Blight, c.) Arthur. Why, good-morning, Mr. Blight. {Goes up stage.) Blight. I — I don't remember your face, sir. Arthur. No? You were kind enough to {Aside.) By Jove ! I keep forgetting that I am no longer the Colonel. {To Blight.) I — I had the pleasure of meeting you some time ago at — at 46 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Blight. Oh — yes — where did you say? Arthur. At — {inumbluig) Mr. St. John. Blight. At Mr. St. John's? Arthur. No, no. St. John is my name. Blight. Oh, yes, yes; of course. Stupid in me not to remember you. {Shakes hands with hivi.') Glad to meet you again, sir, very. (Fearfully.) Is Colonel Braggs anywhere about? Arthur. He's in the garden. Kitty {who ts still reading paper). Oh, this is grand. Arthur. I'hat's the Colonel's daughter. I'll introduce you. {To Kitty.) Miss Braggs. Blight. His daughter ! No, no ! (Kitty turns, a?id Blight hides behind a chair.) Kitty. Well ? Arthur. I — I merely wanted to — to ask if you were enjoy- ing yourself. Kitty. Immensely. I must show this to daddy; he will be so pleased. You had better buy those gloves. {Exit, R.) Arthur. She's gone, sir. Have you any particular an- tipathy to the fair sex? Blight {coming from behind chair). No, no — not at all. I — I preferred to avoid an introduction at present, be- cause I Well, you see — for two reasons, first because I Arthur. I understand. Being the editor and proprietor of the "Independent" Blight {interrupting). That's it precisely. {Draws a copy of the ''Independent'' from his pocket.) Miss Braggs seemed rather pleased with the account of the Colonel's merrymaking. Arthur. She was reading the *'Echo." Blight. Oh ! A miserable sheet, sir. Miserable. A per- verter of truth. Always behind the times. Con- stantly in trouble over libel cases. An editor — I say it boldly — who was born to carry a hod — yes, sir, a hod. But the '* Independent " ? {Looks fearfully R.) Has the Colonel read this morning's issue? Arthur. I think not. 47 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Blight. Ah! Were you at the ball last night? Arthur. 1? Oh, I'm a stranger here, you know. Blight. Then you do not know of Colonel Braggs' shame- ful behavior? Arthur. I saw something about it in the " Independent." Blight. A true account. (Raps paper he holds in his hand.) By one of our most reliable reporters. After reading of the Colonel's disgraceful conduct, what do you think of him as a candidate for county judge? Arthur. It is an insult upon the community. Blight. Of course it is. I tell you, sir — and I say it boldly — there are two reasons why the Colonel should be defeated. First, because he is an insult to the com- munity, and second You — you said the Colonel was in the garden ? Arthur. Yes. Blight. The — the other end ? Arthur. I imagine so. Blight [speaking defiantly and loudly). Then, sir, as I was remarking — I escorted the Colonel home early this morning in a horrible condition. Arthur. Oh, no ! Lilian {without). I must see her, Dan. Dan (ivithout). Yas'm. Lilian. Immediately. Dan. Yas'm. (^Enter Lilian and Dan, c. Lilian stops embarrassed^ Dan exits down l.) Blight. Why, Lilian ! Arthur (aside). Great Scott ! My other victim. Lilian. I — I did not know I — I thought I would call to see Miss Murphy. Blight. This is my daughter, Mr. St. John. Arthur. Charmed, I'm sure. Lilian. I think we have met before. Arthur. Eh? No, oh, no — I think not. Lilian. Perhaps not. The name is unfamiliar, but there is something about your figure — or voice — yes, I think it must be the voice. Arthur (^talking in a deep voice). Oh, you must be mis- taken. {Enter Tom, down L.) 48 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAG OS Tom. Why, Lilian. Good-morning, Mr. Blight. Blight. Let me congratulate you, Tom. Your article was excellent, sir, — excellent. {Shakes his hand.') Tom. Thank you, sir. Blight. It has created a great stir throughout the town, I may say, the county. It does you credit, sir, — and we'll talk over that matter of the editorship at the office to-day. Tom. You are very kind, sir. Blight. I have come, thinking it would be well to inter- view the Colonel, and see what he has to say in de- fense Tom. He is in the garden, sir. Blight. Yes, I — I know — but you — you had better see him, I think. You wrote the article, you know. Tom. Very well, sir. Lilian {aside to Tom). I must speak with you alone. Tom {aside to Lilian). I shall be delighted. Lilian {aside to Tom). At once. Tom {to Blight). Mr. Blight, since you must go so Blight {interrupting'). I am in no hurry. Tom. Perhaps — perhaps you would like to see Aunt Martha and Mrs. Bird. Blight {eagerly). Mrs. Bird? Arthur. They are in the garden. Blight. Oh ! Well, I — I am sorry, but Arthur. I will tell them that you are here. Blight. Oh, no, no. Don't trouble yourself. I — I must be going. I've a little errand down the street. Per- haps I shall return when Mrs. Bird is leaving, and es- cort her home. {Exit, c.) Tom {aside to Arthur). Arthur, Miss Braggs is in the garden also, you know. Arthur. Eh? Oh, I understand. Three is a crowd. {Exit, r.) Lilian. Tom, I have been insulted— grossly insulted. You must fight him. Tom. Certainly ! I'll kill him. Who is the scoundrel? Lilian. Colonel Braggs. 49 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Tom. What ! Were you at the reception ? Lilian. No, it was at the Military Ball. Tom. By thunder ! Lilian. We were dancing together, and he proposed Tom. Proposed ? Lilian. Yes; proposed that we should go out upon the balcony. Tom. Oh ! Lilian. He seemed so — so entertaining that I consented, and we — we went out and leaned over the railing to- gether — you know the place. Tom. Yes, yes. Where we have so often gazed at the moon together. Lilian. Moon ! I hate the moon. {Begins to cry.) Tom. Why, Lilian ! Lilian. He — he asked me to look at the — the man in it, and when I raised my head he — he — he — the Colonel — kissed me. Tom. What ! I'll break Arthur's head. Lilian. Arthur? Tom. Yes — that is — no — no — I — I mean for not telling me that he — that the Colonel was so attentive. Arthur was at the ball. {Aside.) Confound his impudence. Lilian. But why didn't you interfere? You must have noticed Tom. Oh, I wasn't there. Lilian. Not there ? Then how did you write the account for the *< Independent " ? Tom. Eh? Oh — I — 1 mean I wasn't there — at the time — when the Colonel was so attentive, i — I didn't see him with you. Lilian. You didn't come near me. Tom. I was busy, you know. Very busy, taking notes of the ladies' dresses and — and things. I'll thrash him. Lilian. I knew you would defend me. Tom. Of course I will. Lilian (putting her arins about his neck). I felt sure that you loved me. Tom. With all my heart. {Enter Braggs, v.., paper in hand.) Braggs {looking out r.). That crazy woman won't give me a moment's peace. {Turns arid sees Tom and Lilian 50 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS in each other's an?is.') How very interesting. Ahem ! (Tom and Lilian separate hastily.^ 1 didn't intend to interrupt. Lilian (l.). How dare you! You nasty, horrid, mean, contemptible Tom (c). Why, Lilian ! Lilian. Challenge him. Tom. Eh ? Oh, but I Lilian. Challenge him. Braggs. Is the young lady addressing her remarks to me? Lilian (to Braggs). Oh, you insulting old villain ! You reprobate ! Braggs. Eh ? Tom. Don't mind her, sir. She's excited. Lilian. Not mind me ? He must ! He shall 1 (^To Tom.) Do you refuse to challenge him ? Tom. I — I can't. Lilian. Can't 1 Tom. You see Lilian {interrupting). Oh, yes, I see. Coward ! Hypo- crite ! You don't care for me, you know you don't. Deceiver ! Tom. Lilian ! Lilian (Jo Braggs). Scoundrel ! ( Goes up, followed by TOM.) Tom. But Lilian Lilian. I won't listen. You don't care for me. (^jc^//;// Lilian andTou, c.,the latter vigorously protesting.) Braggs {throwing himself into chair by table). Whew 1 ( Takes out handkerchief and ivipes his face. ) She m ust be the crazy woman's daughter. Villain ! Rej^robate ! Scoundrel ! I never experienced such an ordeal in all my life. But what does it all mean ? {Reads paper. Enter Mrs. B., r. Tiptoes up behind him arid puts her hands over his eyes.) Kitty ! Stop that I Mrs. B. {aside). He calls me Kitty. Braggs. If you don't remove your hands immediately, I'll — I'll slap you. Mrs. B. Oh, Colonel ! 51 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Braggs {sprijigin^ to his feet ajid dropping paper). Great heavens ! (^Retreats left of table.) Mrs. B. How can you speak so to your Birdie ? Braggs. Madam, I — I mistook tlie hands. {Takes up the ^^ Independent'^ from left side of table and begins to read.) Mrs. B. Oh, why are you so cold? So distant? What has caused such a change in you since last night? Braggs. Madam, you are talking nonsense — perfect non- sense. Mrs. B. Oh, Colonel ! You were not with me last night? Braggs. Most certainly not. I was busily occupied at the reception until Mrs. B. But the Military Ball ? Braggs. I was not there. (^Re ads paper.) Mrs. B. Oh, Colonel ! Braggs (reading). What's this? What's all this mean ? Mrs. B. You mean to tell me that you didn't waltz with me? Braggs (springing to his feet, referring to paper). Wiiy, it's scandalous. (Reads.) Mrs. B. You didn't escort me home? Braggs (ivalking up and down). Outrageous ! (Strikes paper with hatid.) Mrs. B. You did. You know you did. You said my hair was like gold, ray eyes like stars, my teeth like pearls. You praised my appearance, my voice, my manner. (Enter Arthur, r.) Braggs. I deny everything. Mrs. B. You can't. You shan't. Braggs. It's a base libel. Mrs. B. It's the truth. Why, you actually held my hand. Braggs. It's a lie ! Mrs. B. Ah ! (Enter Martha and Kitty, r.) Martha. Something has broken the glass cucumber frame by the garden wall. What can it have been. Colonel ? 52 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Braggs {excitedly'). Oh, rats ! Martha. Not ruts. Braggs. Cats, bats — what in thunder do I care ! Arthur. No doubt the Colonel could inform us if Braggs {interrupting). What do you insinuate, sir? Arthur. That pride sometimes has a fall. Braggs. You mean Arthur. That you fell. KriTV. Not into the frame ? Arthur. Yes. Returning from the Military Ball. Braggs. It's false, sir ! Absolutely false 1 {Enter Dan, l., carrying pair of trousers.) Dan. 'Scuse me, sah. But what'll I do with these pants? Dey am full of glass„ Braggs {astounded, then enraged). Why, why — it's a plot, that's what it is — a plot. I'll find that editor, and have it out with him ! It's a vile plot. {Rushes out l.) Martha {folloiving). Oh, Cousin Alexander I {Exit, L.) Kitty. It's a plot to prevent father's election. Mrs. B. He can't explain it that way. There are too many witnesses against him. Your father is a scoundrel, miss. He shall pay for his actions. He — shall — pay I {Exit, c.) Kitty. You hateful old thing ! {Bursts into tears.) Oh, it's not true. It's not true. {Exit, L.) Arthur {aside). Whew ! The fat's in the fire now, for sure. I'm rather sorry 1 did it. (Braggs and Tom heard off L., talking loudly. Dan stands c, holding trousers.) Dan, where's Mr. Scott? Dan {confidentially, pointing l.). He's in dere, sah, quar- relin'. Arthur. Quarreling? With whom? {Angry voices heard off -L.) Ah ! with the Colonel. Dan. He has a mighty powerful temper, sure 'nough, sah. 53 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGQS [Enter Tom, dow7i l. He is evidently in a tejnper.) Tom {not noticifig the others). Well, if he refuses to be interviewed, it's not my fault. (6' piness that the thought of marriage agitates me. Le^ive me, dear cousin, and when you return 1 shall give my reply. Braggs. But Martha Martha. Yes, yes — I beg of you. I must collect my scat- tered thoughts. Braggs. Ah, yes — of course. {Exit, down L.) Martha {kissing her hand after him). All the pent up devotion of my life is centered in that man. But it would not be modest or — or maidenly for me to yield to him too easily. Dan {without). Yas'm. I thinks Miss Murphy's at home. {Enter Dan, Mrs. B. a/z^ Lilian, c.) Am you visible to comp'ny, ma'am? Mrs. B. Martha, my love, I am so glad you are in. I wish your sympathy. Lilian. So do L Mrs. B. (r. c, laying her head on Martha's shoulder and beginning to cry). I — I need your advice. Lilian (l. c.,followi?ig Mrs. B.'s example). So — so do L Martha {7&ith an arm around each). VVhy, what is the matter ? Lilian. I — I've been insulted. Mrs. B. So have L Lilian. He — he — he kissed me. Mrs. B. He — he called me a — a liar. 56 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Martha. Oh, how terrible. (^Endeavors to restraiji her emotiofis.) Really, you — you quite overcome me. {Bursts into tears. All three cry and Dan, up r, c, ivho has been makim::; faces for some time, gets out his handkerchief and howls loudly. Exit Dan, up l. Martha dries her eyes.) There, there; don't cry. Tell me all about it. {Sits.) Who is this — this mon- ster that so insulted you ? Mrs. B. Colonel Braggs. {Enter Arthur and Kitty, r., and stop up r. Arthur restrains Kiity from interrupting during the conver- sation.) Martha {spriiiging to her feet). What ! Lilian. Yes ; Colonel Braggs. Martha. Impossible ! Mrs. B. He is a base deceiver. Lilian. A villain. Martha. 1 cannot believe it. You shall not speak so. Mrs. B. But it is true. He paid me the greatest attention at the Military Ball, and spent the entire evening at my side. Lilian. Except while he was with me. Mus. B. He danced almost every number with me. Lilian. And took me to supper. And to-day he acts as though I were a perfect stranger. Mrs. B. Vows that he has never seen me before, and hopes never to see me again. Imagine ! Martha. But — but — he asserts that he was not at the ball. Mrs. B. It's false. Lilian. Every one there saw him, and the newspapers are full of it. For some reason of his own he was not in evening dress, but he was there all right. The old scoundrel ! {Exeunt Arthur and Kitty, r.) Martha. But— I — I thought it must be some mistake. He said so. Mrs. B. Of course he did. To save his reputation. Martha. And did he take — anything — more than would give him a little headache ? 57 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAQGS Lilian. Gallons. Mrs. B. Barrels. Martha. Oh, how cruelly I have been deceived 1 Lilian, j (^Enier Braggs, down l. /// the following scene he turns protestmgly to each lady as she speaks. ) Lilian {to Braggs). Here he is. {They gather around him. Martha and Lilian, r. c, Mrs. B., l.) To think that such an ugly moulh kisseti — ugh ! Mrs. B. To think that such a hideous hand held — ugh ! Martha. To think that I listened to words from such a deceitful tongue — oh ! Braggs. Martha ! Martha. It should be plucked out by the roots. Lilian. Your lips should be burnt with a hot iron. Mrs. B. Your hand should be dismembered. Lilian {beginning to cry). You have insulted me. You old villain ! Mrs. B. {begifming to cry). You have insulted me. Monster ! Martha {beginning to cry). You have broken my heart. Braggs. But Martha Martha {interrupting). I won't listen to you. {Moves l.) Braggs {folloiving her), I can explain all. Martha. You have broken my heart. {Exit Martha, slamming door in Braggs' /(^^^.) Braggs. Martha ! Martha ! {Exit.) Mrs. B. We must have revenge. Lilian. Yes, yes. But how ? {E titer Blight, c.) deal 58 Mrs. B. Ah, Mr. Bhght— dear Mr. Blight Lilian. Father WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG S (Mrs. B. and Lilian, as though struck with the same idea^ make a rush for Blight and lead him down stage, talking to him excitedly all the time.) Mrs. B. You will be my champion. Lilian. You will defend your daughter. (^Lead him to sofa, dotvn R., and forcing him down^ sit one on either side.) Mrs. B. You heard the vile epithet he applied to me. Lilian. And I have told you of his outrageous behavior. {Reenter Tom, c. Lilian sees Tom.) Tom ! Mrs. B. My dear Mr. Scott ! (Mrs. B. and Lilian make another rush up stage a?id lead him down — repeating former business.) Lilian. You will not allow me to be insulted. Mrs. B. You will protect a friend. {Forces hifn upo?i sofa.) Lilian {sitting beside Tom). Won't you be my vindi- cator ? {They talk in pantomime.) Mrs. B. {sitting beside Blight). You will challenge him to mortal combat ? Blight. Who? Colonel Braggs? Mrs. B. Yes. Blight. But my dear Mrs. Bird Mrs. B. Wipe out this black stain from my character. Blight. I — 1 am not an ink eraser, you know. {They talk in paniomiine.) Tom. But Lilian, if you understood matters, you would see that there is really nothing to challenge him for. Lilian. Nothing? When he has insulted me? Oh, Tom ! Mrs. B. {to Blight). He speaks of you with the greatest contempt. Blight. How dare he ? {Looks about as though fearful of Braggs' presence.) I repeat — and I say it boldly — how dare he ? Mrs. B. You will fight him ? Blight {hesitating). Well — I can't say that I will exactly fight him. 59 WHA2' HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Mrs. B. You are surely not afraid? Blight. Afraid! Madam, would you insult me? (Hifs his chest.') Gaze upon that chest. Beneath it beats a heart. Afraid ! Never ! Mrs. B. Valiantly spoken. Come ; send the Colonel your card ; let us await him in the garden. (^Exeunt Mrs. B. and Blight, r.) Lilian {sprifiging to her feet). You do not love me. 'i'OM {rising). But Lilian • Lilian. You have never loved me. Tom. Yes, yes; I have. You know it. I will do any- thing to please you. Lilian. Then challenge the Colonel. Tom. All right. Lilian {throwing her arms around his neck). My true knight ! Tom {to Lilian). Let's adjourn to the garden, where we can talk about this quietly. {Exeunt Tom and Lilian, r.) {Door-hell rings. Enter Dan, down L., hurriedly.) Dan. 'Pears as if just as soon as I leave de door, de bell rings. {Bell rings again.) Yas, I'se comin'. {Exity c. A pause.) Aaron Cutter {without). Not in? Sure? Dan. Yas, sah. {Enter Cutter and Dan, c. Cutter speaks in a theatrical manner throughout.) Mister Tom didn't say where he was goin', sah. Cutter. I'll await his return. Dan. Yas, sah. Just occupy a chair, sah. {Aside.) What a splendiferous gen'leman that Mr. Cutter am ! {Exit, up h.) Cutter {sitting upon sofa, r. ). Dear, dear; twelve o'clock. 1 hope he won't detain me long. But I must get that old man's make-up, or those amateur theatricals this evening will prove a failure. Young Scott promised to return it early this morning. (Enter Braggs, down l., holding Blight's card in his hand.) 60 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAOQS Braggs {angrily). So you have come, have you? Cutter (^siariuig up). Eh ! (^Thinks it is Tom /;/ dis- guise.) Why — why (^Laughs heartily .) Excel- lent — excellent. Such a disguise ! 1 would never have known you. Bkaggs. What do you mean, you insolent puppy? Cutter. Capital ! You are a born actor. Braggs. How dare you ! {^Approaches him furiously and Cutter retreats behind the so/a.) How dare you in- sult me, sir — me— Colonel A-lexander Braggs ! (^Chases him around the sofa.) Cutter. Eh ! (^Retreats to table l. c). Oh ! Beg par- don — all a mistake — a thousand pardons. I thought that it was Mr. Scott in Braggs {interrupting). Ah, he told you to come. Cutter. Oh, no. He promised to bring the things him- self. Must have forgotten it, 1 suppose. Do you know anything about it ? Braggs ^furiously). I know far more about it than you do, sir. 1 know that every one of your statements this morning is a malicious falsehood. Cutter. Oh, draw it mild — draw it mild. Braggs {intermpting ; slowly advancing upon Cutter, who retreats fro?n table to sofa). 1, Col. Alexander Braggs, have vowed that when 1 should meet William Blight face to face, I would challenge him to fight a duel. Cutter. A duel? {Aside.) Oh, ho, he takes me for Blight, and wants to fight me. {To Braggs.) A duel, eh? Braggs. I require satisfaction. Cutter. Quite so. I admire your spirit. {Rubs hands together.) And so you wish to fight a duel, eh ? Braggs. To the death. Cutter. Exactly. Fun for you, but death to the frogs, eh ? Hah-hah-hah ! I think I can be of service to you. {Draws a card from his pocket.) One of my business cards. {Holds out card.) Braggs. I have one too many already, sir. {Waves Cutter's card aside.) Cutter. Indeed ! Yet I am well known. Now, I have a 6i WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS bullet-proof vest which is worn directly beneath the coat — my own invention. 1 shall be pleat>ed to have you give it a trial. Braggs. Why, you insulting Cutter. The cost is but nominal, and it is well known that William Blight is a dead shot. Braggs. Plumph ! A dead shot sure enough when I finish with you. How dare you taunt me? Cutter. Oh, pardon me. No offense. Braggs. Enough of this. Meet me at the foot of the garden. Cutter. Certainly. What hour? Braggs. Five o'clock. Cutter. 1 shall be on hand. Braggs. What shall be the weapons? Cutter. Pistols are quite in order. I'll bring mine. You'll find my vest all I claim. Good-morning, Colonel. Very pleased to have met you. Foot of the garden, you say ? Five o'clock. I'll meet you by the little gate at four- thirty. (£xi^, c.) Braggs. The brazen newsmonger 1 Bullet-proof vest, in- deed ! I'll fill his insolent carcass full of holes. But suppose he should shoot first? Some men are unprin- cipled enough to take such an advantage. I cannot ajfford to run any risks. I owe my life to my county. Besides, if the community should learn that I was mixed up in a duel, — why — it would ruin my chances. What's to be done? (Si^s at table.) {Enter Blight and Mrs. B., r. Mrs. B. is shoving Blight. Braggs does not see them.') Mrs. B. There he is. Challenge him. Blight. Sh ! He will hear you. Mrs. B. I want him to hear me. (Ti? Braggs.) Sir! Braggs {looking up — aside). Oh, the tigress again. ( Writes and pays no attention.) Mrs. B. {to Blight). What did I tell you ? He heaps insult upon me. Speak to him. {Shoves him forward. ) 62 WffAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Blight (hesitating, clearing his throat, and at last speak- ing hoarsely). My dear sir. {To Mrs. B.) You — you have no — no cough lozenges, have you ? I think 1 have taken a very severe cold. Mrs. B. Speak boldly. Remember who you are. Blight. Oh, yes; so lam. 1 had forgotten. (Zi^BRAGGS, with an attempt to be fierce.) Sir I Mrs. B. (Jo Blight). Bravo ! Blight. I repeat — sir ! Braggs (wheeling quickly). Well, sir? Blight (Jiesitating, meekly). 1 — I merely wished to say that you shouldn't — that is, do you think it was exactly the proper thing? Now, really Braggs. What do you mean, sir? Blight (Jo Mrs. B.). Oh, what do I mean? Mrs. B. That you wish to fight him. Braggs. Fight me ? And pray for what cause, madam ? 1 do not know this — gentleman. Mrs. B. {ifidigna?itly). For what cause, indeed ! Blight {interrupting). You see we can't fight; he doesn't know me. You can't expect him to fight a stranger. Mrs. B. But I say you shall fight. Challenge him. Blight. Really, you know, I Mrs. B. Challenge him. Braggs. This gentleman has nothing against me, and I decline to meet him. Blight. That's fair enough. Braggs (Jurning to table). You must excuse me; I am busy and wish to be alone. Mrs. B. Coward 1 Braggs (ivith his back toivard her). Madam ! Mrs. B. Here 1 Throw the cushion at him. (Blight hesitates and Mrs. B. throws cushion. Braggs turjis and finds Blight in foreground as tf he had thrown it.) Braggs (^furiously). How dare you ! Blight (retreating). I — I Braggs. You are afraid to meet a man face to face ; but you creep up behind him like a — an Indian — I repeat, sir, an Indian, and strike in the back. You wish to fight me, sir ? 63 WHAT JIAPPENED TO BRAGGS Blight. No, oh, no — I — I am very forgiving. Bkaggs. Bat you must — 1 say you must. I don't know you, but I'll kill you as I would a — a dog. Meet me at the lower end of the garden at five. Want to chal- lenge me, do you ? I'll kill you, sir, I'll kill you I (^Exii, R. Blight sinks upon the sofa with a groan and covers his face with his hands, Mrs. B. not tioticing his depression.^ (^Enter Martha, l.) Mrs. B. Oh, Martha, have you heard? But of course you haven't. Mr. Blight and Colonel Braggs are going to Blight. Don't tell her. Mrs. B. Why not? But she might interfere. Blight. Eh ? Perhaps she ought to know. Mus. B. Of course not. I was simply going to say that Mr. Blight and the Colonel have had a little misunder- standing. Martha. Yes, I know about that unfortunate newspaper article. It is to be greatly regretted. (^Enter Cutter, c. Martha, to Blight.) You do net know his good qualities. Blight. Yes, I do. Just as well as I know yours. He's a pigheaded fool. Martha. You would learn to love him. Blight. Love him? Why, he's a perfect ass. We don't agree on a single point. Martha. He is so misunderstood. (Cutter coughs.) Cutter. Excuse me — this is really very embarrassing. I didn't mean to interrupt. Very interesting, though. Highly dramatic. (Martha holds her handkerchief to her eyes. Exit Martha, l.) Make a capital stage scene. An anti-climax. The wife begs and entreats, but in vain ; and breaking into hysterical sobs, exits L. The husband is left alone with the adventuress, and Mrs. B. Sir ! Cutter. Oh, beg pardon. Nothing personal intended, I assure you. The dramatic instinct, madam. 1 might 64 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS add that in my time I have graced the stage in many parts. Mrs. B. {^slifly). What is your business, sir? Cutter. Costumer, wig-maker and stage manager, for amateurs. Have a card. (Holds out his card.) Mrs. B. I mean your business here. Cutter. Well, candidly, I suppose you might say I have no business here, especially during such a scene as that I just witnessed. But Mr. Blight always had a way with the women. {To Blight.) I wish to see you a moment, sir. They told me you were here. Blight. Me ? What about ? Cutter. Privately, sir. Blight. But this lady Mrs. B. {interruptingy haughtily). I'm sure I have no wish to remain. {Walks L.) 1 have no need for wigs, even though you may have. {Exit, L. Cutter laughs.) Blight. What are you laughing at ? Why do you come here and make a fool of me ? Cutter. Oh, my dear sir, there's no cause for me to do that. I don't wish to take your time, — but — a — I assure you it is a delicate topic — 1 understand that Colonel Braggs and you Blight. Colonel Braggs and 1 1 {Looks around as though /earing Braggs to be near.) Cutter. I beg your pardon — you and Colonel Braggs, of course. Well, you and Colonel Braggs have had a little — how shall 1 put it? — a little — fracas — that's it — fracas, and he has called you out — beg pardon — you have called him out ; am I right? Blight. I am not quite sure who did the calling. But I don't think there'll be any fight. Cutter. No fight? Oh, too bad ! What a great disap- pointment it must be to you ! Of course, he apolo- gized for all the hard things he said about you ? Strange, though, that he should consent to do so. Why, when I met him here a few minutes ago, he im- pressed me as being a regular fire-eater. He ranted around here and swore that he would make you eat sawdust for all the lies you had printed 65 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Blight. What I Cutter (aside). Looks as though there might be a fight after all. Blight. I'll kill him ! Cutter. So you wish to fight? Blight. Of course. This afternoon at five. I am going to kill him. Cutter. Of course; but they say the Colonel's a dead shot. Blight. Is he? I notice he does a great deal of blowing about it. {After a pause.) Perhaps it would be — more genteel to fight with swords. Cutter. Oh, he had the reputation of being the best swordsman in the army. He'd stick you right through as he would a — a Blight (siv a /lowing). Yes, I know. A dog. Cutter. 1 have patented a bullet-proof vest which is worn out of sight, under the coat, and with it on, one is absolutely safe. Blight. And would you — do you mean that you will be so kind Cutter. Why, certainly. I would do anything for a friend. Of course, there will be a slight cost, just to cover wear and tear, but Blight. I won't object to paying for the wear, but I Cutter (interrupting). Don't want any tear, eh? Very clever ! Blight. All right. If your vest is any good I'll probably find it out. Meet me at the end of the garden at five o'clock. And meanwhile (Holds up finger.) Cutter. Oh, not a word, sir, not one word. That's business ! (Exit, c.) Blight (going c). I'll just make sure he gets out without seeing any one. {Enter Mrs. B., l.) Mrs. B. Mr. Blight, are you running away? Blight. Running away? From what? Mrs. B. From Colonel Braggs. Blight. Certainly not. 66 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAQGS Mrs. B. Then from me ? First you sent me out of the room Blight. Oh, Mrs. Bird ! Mrs. B. Yes, you did. You were glad to get rid of me. You know you were. Blight. Oh, no. Mks. B. 1 say you were. Blight (asiWe). And 1 am going to fight for that woman. Mks. B. You needn't try to deceive me. But 1 must say that a gentleman would not allow himself ■ (Cries heard out r. Enter Lilian, r.) Lilian. Tom ! Tom ! She'll kill me ! Where's Tom ? Mrs. B. What's the matter? Lilian. That Braggs girl ! She's the nastiest, horridest girl I ever saw. 1 told her that father and Tom were going to fight the Colonel, and that 1 hoped they would kill him one after the other, and she slapped my face. Mrs. B. Oh ! Kitty {angrily, out r.). You had no business to hold me. Arthur {without). But I couldn't allow you to murder her. (Enter Kitty and Arthur, r. Kitty is armed with a big stick.) Kitty. I hate her! And if I ever catch her, I'll {Sees Lilian.) Oh, there you are. {Makes a rush at her. Mrs. B. and Lilian run l., screaming. Kitty swings the long stick, s7veepifig it along the floor ; and Blight, who cannot cross to l. quickly enough, is hit upon the heels. Kitty szvifigs the stick from right to left. Mrs. B., Lilian and Blight run R. Enter Tom, c, and is hit by the stick. Exit Mrs. B., Lilian and Blight, r.) It serves you right, and I'm not a bit sorry. You have no right to say such things about my father. You're a hateful, spiteful thing. Arthur. Oh, Miss Brnggs ! Kitty. I've had a perfectly horrid time ever since I came, and I'm not going to stay any longer. Tom. But your father ? Kitty. I'll make him leave. 67 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Arthur. Oh, please don't go. Kitty. I shall. So there 1 (^Exity L.) Arthur. Now you've done it. Tom. It isn't my fault. Arthur. Not your fault? You were the originator of the whole deception. Tom. Certainly. You would never have had the brains to think of such a scheme. If you hadn't acted so out- rageously at the ball Arthur. You told me to play a part. Tom. Yes, and you played the fool. Arthur. Well, I am sick and tired of the whole business. 1 think it a shame to treat Miss Braggs' father this way, and— — - Tom. And I think it's an outrage the way you have stirred up discord. You will have blood on your hands, first thing you know. Arthur. What do you mean ? Tom. That some one is going to be killed. That's all. As a result of your behavior, the Colonel has two duels to fight — Mr. Blight and myself. (^Enter Kitty dragging Braggs, l. She has put on street clothes hurriedly, as though taking flight.') Kitty {helping him on with his coat). Here, put your coat on. We have only a few minutes to catch the train. Braggs. But our trunks? Kitty. They can follow later. We must go. Tom. You're not going ? Braggs. Oh, no. Kitty. Oh, yes. Braggs. But I have a — a — an engagement this afternoon. Tom. Yes, with me. {Enter Blight, Mrs. B., ^«^ Lilian, r.) Braggs. No, sir; not with you. Tom. But I repeat Braggs. And I say no. My engagement is with that in- fernal scoundrel Blight. Mrs. B. How dare you speak so? Blight {meekly). Yes, how dare you? 62> WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGQ8 Braggs (angrily). What is it to you, sir? I'll attend to you afterward — you puppy. Mrs. B. You will be sorry you ever talked so of Mr. Blight. Braggs. Blight? Blight? He's an imbecilic ass ; but I was speaking of X\ns— (^pointing to Blight) this All. That is Mr. Blight. Braggs. What 1 You ! Blight (k., badly frightened). H-how dare you? Braggs (c). You ! I'll kill you right hereon the spot. {Lifts a cliair above his head and brandishes it tiireateningly. The others interfere. ) Tom {coming doiun "L.^ pulls doivn chair that ^^ik^q.Q's, has If ted). No you won't ! Braggs {turning furiously on Tom). I will. I'll kill you, too ! Kitty {screaming). Oh, stop them ! Will nobody stop them ? Arthur. Yes, I will. Watch me. {Comes dozvn between Braggs and'You.) That will do. (Tl? Blight.) At what time were you engaged to meet this gentleman ? Blight [nervously). At five o'clock. But Arthur. Can you conveniently wait till then? Blight. Why — er {Looks at Mrs. B.) Certainly. Arthur {to Braggs). You are a man of your word, Colonel. Keep your engagement at five. Braggs {furiously, to Arthur). This is none of your affair, sir ! Arthur. Ah, isn't it? I rather thought it was. {To Tom a7td Blight.) Let me settle this. Mrs. B. {rushing down to Blight). My hero ! {Draws him up r., talking iti pantomime.) Lilian {rushing doivn to Tom). Oh, Tom ! {Draws him up L., talking in pantomime.) {Exeufit yiRS. B., Blight, Lilian, Tom, c.) Braggs {to Arthur). Sir, you shall answer to me for this ! Arthur {wearily). All right. At five o'clock. {Exit Braggs, l. Kitty cojfies down c.) 69 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGG8 Kitty. Oh, Mr. St. John, father mustn't kill anybody, and nobody shall kill him ! You said you'd stop it. Arthur. Would it please you to have it all stopped ? Kitty. Oh, yes. Arthur. Then it shall be, if I can do it. Kitty. When ? Arthur. At five o'clock ! {Takes her hand,) curtain 70 ACT III SCENE.— ^^>^/ of garden. Time— 4 P. M. (Kitty discovered seated upon bench up R. She is reading paper. ) Kitty. The horrid, mean things, to publish such a lot of stories about papa, when he wasn't at the ball at all ! But I don't understand it. And now how is it going to end ? What is Mr. St. John going to do ? ( Thought- fully.^ I wonder — I wonder — but every one ought to know papa (^Enter Arthur, up l.) Arthur. Oh, there you are, Miss Braggs. I've been look- ing for you everywhere. Kitty. Have you got things all fixed ? Is it all cleared up ? Is papa Arthur. Now, Miss Braggs, you know I said Kitty {interrupting). Are you going to stop them from fighting ? Arthur. Yes ; don't worry. I will protect him. (JSits on arm of bench.) Kitty {haughtily). Protect him ! He will protect himself. Arthur. But you don't want him to fight ? Kitty. I don't want him to lose his honor ! Arthur. My, but you are cross. Kitty. I'm not cross. Arthur. You're not? Just a trifle abrupt, then. Kitty {snappishly'). I'm not. Arthur {jumping up). By Jove ! You frightened me. You know, Miss Braggs, I think it's a pity you and I are not better friends. I enjoy talking with you so much. {Earnestly.) From the very first time I saw you I — that is to say I — {hesitating) oh, hang it, you know what I mean. {Sits doivn beside her.) You know, I can't say how sorry I am that I — that your father has kicked up such a dust. 71 WHAT HAPPENED TO BEAGGS Kitty. Papa never kicked up a dust. Arthur. Well, perhaps dust isn't exactly the word, since he certainly wasn't very dry. Kitty (insulted). Do you mean to say Arthur. No, no — of course not. You misunderstood me. Kitty. Then you don't believe that papa was at the ball ? Arthur {cautiously). Well KiTTV. Neither do I. Do you know what I think? Some- body else must have been mistaken for him. Arthur. Eh? Oh, no. Kitty. Why not? Arthur. VVell — you see— in the first place, it would be very difficult for any one to disguise himself Kitty. 1 don't mean that. Arthur {suddenly struck ivith ivhat he was saying). By Jingo ! {Rises.) Kitty. But some one might have done even that — though no gentleman Arthur. Oh, I say- Kitty. Only some disreputable coward. Arthur. No, no — not that. Kitty. Yes, just that — a coward. And I would tell him so, too. Arthur. Maybe you won't have the chance. But really, it might have been your father. You know Dan saw him fall off the garden wall. Kitty. But he couldn't have seen him. {Enter Dan, /// R.) Dan. Pardon, Miss Braggs, but dey am lookin' for you up at the house. Arthur. Ah, Dan, you are just in time. Miss Braggs doesn't believe that you saw the Colonel fall from the wall this morning. Dan. Certainly I sawed him. Right into de cucumber bed. Why, you sawed him you'self, sab. Arthur. I ? Oh, no. Dan. But Mr. Tom tole me you did. An' you said you was dah, sah. Arthur. Well, I may have been there, but Kitty. You mean you were in the garden when papa — • when some one fell from the wall ? How is it you were there so early in the morning ? 72 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Arthur. Well, you see — I was late, you know — that is to say Dan. It was just this way, mam. I heard de crash an' I looked out my room winder quick. An* dar 1 sawed de Colonel Kitty. It was not he. Dan. It looked characteristically like him, mam, sure. He was scrambling out of de cucumber beds like as tlioiigli it wasn't restful. Well, soon as I sawed him, I hurried right down, an' I found Mr. Tom and Mr. Arthur in tlie library; didn't I, sah ? Arthur. Yes ; you see we had heard the crash also. Dan. An' you didn't have no gahments on your legs, had you, sah ? Arthur. That has nothing to do with it, Dan. Dan. No, sah. Den you know 1 found dem trousers in his room. Kitty. I'hey couldn't have been his. Arthur. Why not? He wears them. Dan. They certainly didn't belong to Mr. Tom — nor to Miss Martha. 1 found somethin' else, too. Looked like a false wig an' Arthur. Eh? How very funny. (^Laughs extravagantly.) But we must go to the house. {2^o Kitty.) They will wonder where you are, won't they? Kitty {to Dan). Did you say you found a wig in papa's room ? Dan. Yas, miss. It is just de color he wears, but I didn't like to say anything Arthur. No, of course you didn't. (^Laughs again. Aside, to Dan.) Shut up, you fool ! {To Kitty.) What a lovely afternoon it is, aren't it? I mean amn't it? {Aside, to Dan.) If you bring that wig here, I'll give you five dollars. {To Kitty.) Did you say rain ? No, I think not. These misty mornings seldom mean wet afternoons. {Aside, to Dan.) Hurry ! Quick ! Dan. Yas, sah. {Exit, up v..) Kitty. Why, how strangely you are acting ! Arthur. Oh, no — you see it's just my interest in this — • that is to say {Hesitates.') 73 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Kitty. You mean your anxiety on papa's account? Arthur. Yes, precisely. Kitty. Oh, thank you. I depend on you to help me learn the truth about this ball. Arthur. Eh ? Why — why Kitty {Jioldins^ out her hand). Thank you, again — so much. Now we must go. [Exit, up R. ) Arthur. If she looks at me that way again, I'll confess everything. (^Exit, up R.) {Efiter Cutter, up l., followed by Tom. Cutter has package under his arm.) Cutter. But I tell you, Mr. Scott, I need that make-up to-night. Tom. I'll have it there in lots of time. I have been too busy. I don't see why you had to come after it. Cutter. Anxiety, sir, anxiety. Natural — hereditary from a great aunt. But I may have had another reason for coming this afternoon. I don't suppose you have hap- pened to see Colonel Braggs anywhere, eh ? Tom. No. Cutter. I thought not. A little early perhaps, — I mean for him to be going to the train. Tom (eagerly). He might be going. That path goes to the gate by the road. If you wish to see hi in Cutter. Thanks. I'll just saunter that way (aside), and back again. (Exit, L.) Tom. I wonder what he's prowling around for. It will never do for him to be here while the duel is in prog- ress. We don't wish a scandal. (Enter Arthur, up r.) Arthur. Have you seen Dan ? Tom. No, not since he went on an errand for Aunt Martha at eleven o'clock this morning. Arthur. I have. He found the wig and the other things. Tom. Where are they ? 74 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Arthur. I offered him five dollars to bring them here at once. Tom. Good. Probably five dollars more will close his mouth. Arthur. By Jingo ! I'll be glad when this affair's over. 1 would like to wash my hands of the whole matter. Tom. Of course you would. And leave mine dirty. But you can't do it. You've got blood on your hands. Arthur. Oh ! Tom. Or you will have. Arthur. You don't mean that there's really going to be a fight ? Tom. Don't I? Here comes one of the principals now. (^E titer Blight, timidly, led by Mrs. B. ajid Lilian, up l.) Mrs. B. This is the spot. Blight {seeins^ Tom and Arthur — Tom pointing at hini). Hold on ! Don't shoot ! Oh ! It's only you. Lilian. Father, be brave ! Blight. I am brave. Who says I'm not brave ? But it isn't fair for any one to shoot me in the back — now, is it ? {Sees Arthur atid dodges.) Mrs. B. You should wear a bold front, at any rate. Blight {ha // aside). I'm going to. That is, if he brings it in time. {To Lilian.) You said it was only four o'clock, didn't you? Arthur. Half- past four, I think. Blight. No, only four. It can't be later. Arthur. Look for yourself. {Points off R.) You can see the church clock through the trees. Blight. Then it's time he was here. I — I won't fight if he doesn't come in a few minutes. Mus. B. But the meeting was not to be until five. Blight. 1 don't care. I'm here. He can't expect me to wait all afternoon. I shan't wait, either. Tom. I'm afraid the meeting won't have a quorum present unless you do. Blight. Why don't you fight — if you're so anxious for some one to wait ? Lilian. Oh, he's going to. Blight. When ? Tom. After you. Blight. After me ? 75 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG8 Mrs. B. {to Blight). He gives you the preference, of course. Think of tlie honor of killing such a man. Blight. Yes. {To Tom.) And after I've killed him, you I say, sui)pose 1 resign the honor in your favor. Tom. Oh, I couldn't think of depriving you. Mrs. B. Be brave ! The man 1 marry must be a hero, Arthur {aside ^ to Tom). The man who marries her will be a hero. Mrs. B. What a lovely secluded spot ! I hope no one will interrupt. Of course, Tom, your aunt knows nothing of this ? Tom. Oh, no. She has such a high-strung nature, we thought it best to keep this secret from her. Of course, you ladies can't remain. Mrs. B. {sighing). No, I suppose not. (7"^ Blight.) I would so love to see you shot, my dear — I — I mean shoot. Keep up a brave heart, my lion. Remember that you are dying for me. Farewell. {Kisses his brow.') Lilian {sadly). Good-bye — dear, dear father. Blight {gulping). Good-bye. Lilian. If I never see you again — if I never see you again {Bursts 07/t cryifig.) Tom. Don't cry, Lilian. Don't cry. {Exeunt Lilian, Mrs. B. and Tom, vp r.) Blight. That's a nice, bracing adieu to give a man who needs a steady hand. Arthur. They seem very deeply moved. Blight. They ought to be. I'd never have been in this mess if it hadn't been for them. It's manslaughter, that's what it is. It's worse than manslaughter — it's premeditated murder. Arthur. No, no — don't say that. If any accident should happen, we would all end in jail. Blight. Jail ? Say, can't you manage to lock me up for two or three days? I'll assault you, if you think it will do any good. Arthur. No, I don't think it will. Blight. It's not that I object to fighting, you know — only 76 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGG S — well, it's been so long, that I'm a little rusty. If I could wear— 1 mean Arthur. A bold front ? Blight. Precisely. Do you know if a package has been left for nie at the house? Arthur. I haven't heard of it. Blight. I'll go see. If I can wear — a bold front — I think I will rather enjoy fighting. (£xt/, up R.) Arthur. This is awful — simply awful. To think of that poor man being shot, and all because — oh, it's all my fault. And suppose he should kill the Colonel, or even wound him only — she would never forgive me. Yes, she would hate me. How can 1 prevent this duel? If only I could fight in her father's place (^E titer Braggs, up L.) Braggs. It's five o'clock. He's not here, so I shan't wait. {Sees Arthur.) Oh ! It is five, isn't it? Arthur. Not yet, sir. {Looks at clock.') Braggs. He ought to be here, at any rate. Arthur. Mr. Blight was here a few minutes ago, sir, and went away again. Braggs. Eh? Went away? {With contempt.) Of course he did, the coward I 1 knew he wouldn't fight. Arthur. Oh, he will return in a few minutes, sir. Braggs. But he has no right to do that. Why — why — it's a breach of the code for a man to come and go at all hours. I would have a perfect right to refuse to fight with such a — such a jack-in-the-box. Arthur. But if he comes Braggs. Eh? {Disappointedly.') Yes— yes— of course. Well, if I have to fight— I By the way, did you see anything of a package addressed to me? Arthur. No, sir. It's terrible to think of your standing up to be shot without any protection. Braggs. Protection? I don't desire protection, sir. {Aside.) Who was that man who offered me the vest ? Will he bring it? {To Arthur.) By the way, has any one been asking for me ? Arthur. Not during the past few minutes. Braggs {aside). He said he would come at 4 : 30. Let's 77 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS see. He told me he would meet me at the little back garden gate. {Aloud.') I think I'll saunter around a little — ^just to — ^just to pass away the time. (^Exiiy L.) Arthur. Dear litde Kitty ! To think that her father is going to be murdered. Horrible ! Oh, it must be prevented. But how — how ? If I could only \Struck with an idea.) By Jove ! I shall ! {Enter Dan, up L.) You brought them? Dan. Yas, sah. Here it am. {Holds out wig.) Arthur. Good. But where are the whiskers? {Takes wig.) Dan. You didn't ask for dem, sah. How did you know dere was any whiskers ? Arthur. Eh ? Why — why, whiskers always go with wigs, of course. Dan. Does dey, sah ? Arthur. Certainly. And wigs with whiskers. But hurry ! I must wear them. I — 1 mean, I wish them. Dan {not going). Yas, sah. Arthur. Why don't you go? Dan. You remarked dat as a slight reward you would give me- Arthur. Oh, you want the five dollars. {Takes out money.) If you keep your mouth shut, I'll make it five more. {Hands Dan money.) Dan. Can't I talk, sah? Arthur. Not about finding these things. Dan. Oh, no, sah. I won't say an epithet, sah. Not an epithet. Arthur. Very well. There you are. Now, hurry. But I'll go with you. Come on ! Come on ! {Enter Tom and Lilian, up r.) Tom. Where are you going? Arthur {hesitating). To change my clothes. {Exeunt Arthur and Dan, up l.) Tom. At last, Lilian, we are alone. Come, sit down here. I am so glad that you are no longer provoked with me. {They sit on bench up ^.) 78 WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAGGS Lilian. I could not be, now that you have confessed. Tom {frightened). Confessed! W-what have 1 said ? Lilian. Of course, now that you have told me that out of respect for papa, you could not fight the Colonel — until after he had, 1 honor your restraint. It was very brave in you, Tom, to thus control yourself when you were so anxious to fight. Tom. I fear your father does not appreciate my seeming hesitancy. Lilian. That is only generosity on papa's part. He would like you to be shot at, too. You know he has always been very fond of you, Tom. But if he should once suspect {Siops.) Lilian. What ? Tom {hesitating). My — my fondness for his daughter. Lilian. 1 think he knows. Tom. He does ? And he is not angry ? Lilian. Why should he be? You have never done any- thing to be ashamed of. Tom. Eh? No — no. {Quickly.) But if he should once find out — that is — if 1 ever should do something Lilian. You couldn't. Tom. But if he should hear of something — ^just for fun, you know — let's pretend — would you still believe in me? Lilian. Always. Tom. But suppose it were true? Lilian. Then I would forgive you. Tom. And continue to care for me? Lilian. I couldn't help myself. Tom {throwing his arms about her). You angel ! Lilian {rising). Oh, Tom ! Not here ! {Leaves shawl and parasol on the bench.) Tom. Then let's go to our secluded spot by the garden gate. I want to talk all about the future. (Takes her hand and draws her l.) (Enter Braggs rtJw.y Cutter, doivn l.) Cutter. Ah ! (Tom and Lilian separate.) Oh, don't let us interrupt. Lilian. Ugh ! 79 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS (^Exii L., hurriedly i followed by Tom, ivalking with great digfiity.') Cutter (laughing). They seem to be slightly enamored. Sorry to disturb them, but glad they left us alone. {Looks at watch.') Great Caesar! You will have to move quickly to have your chest protector on by the time the game is called. (^Undoes package which he puts on ground I..) Off with your coat. Colonel. Braggs. Eh? Cutter. My vest goes right on over yours, you know. {^Holds out vest.) How is that for a life saver? See my card — right here on the belt? ** Cutter's bullet- proof vest is known as the best." Hurry off with that coat. It's ten minutes of five. Braggs {hurrying off with coat). I didn't imagine it was so late. Your watch must be fast. Cutter. No, sir. Slow, if anything. It's old, and the springs are dry. {Tries to put vest on Braggs, but finds it too small^half -aside.) Great Jupiter 1 I have the wrong one. Braggs. Eh? VVhat's the matter? Cutter {edging toward package). Nothing, nothing — ex- cept that you are too large. Braggs {anxiously). Do you mean that it won't fit me? Cutter. Not as it is. It will have to be changed first. {Still edges toward package, but sees that Braggs is watching.) Braggs. What shall we do ? Tell me ! Quick ! It must be almost the hour. Cutter. Well — I — I need a — a little string. Braggs. String? {Makes piovement toward package.) Here ! Use this. Cutter {reaching package first). Yes, of course. But this won't be enough. Suppose you get some. Braggs. I ? Cutter. Yes, while I let out a few reefs. {Carries pack- age to bench r. Sits down and takes out knife.) Hurry ! Braggs. I'll return at once. Cutter. Yes, if not sooner. The church clock will strike in a few minutes. 80 WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGQ8 Braggs {aside). I won't fight now. It's too late. Cutter. Hurry ! Hurry ! {Pushes Braggs l.) Braggs. 1 — I'll return immediately. {Exit up L.) Cutter {as Braggs exits). Large bodies certainly do move slowly. {Rises and takes the proper vest from package.) That was a very stupid blunder of mine. It is fortunate Mr. Blight is late. I wouldn't wish them to meet until after they were properly dressed. But great punk ! I mustn't waste time. I can probably find that other mighty warrior before the Colonel returns. {Takes small vest from package and hides package behind the bench up R.) If the mountain won't come this way, Mohammed will have to Signifies that he is going to grab Blight. Exit up R.) {Enter Arthur /// l., disguised as Braggs.) Arthur. By Jove ! That was a narrow escape. I dodged back of that tree just in time. If the Colonel's daugh- ter hadn't stopped him, he would have seen me sure. {Looks out up L.) I wonder what they are arguing about. {Turns r.) Fortunately no one suspects as yet. If Dan will only earn that extra ten dollars by telling the Colonel the police have been informed re- garding the proposed fight, that will keep my double out of the way. {Sees parasol and shawl on bench.) Hello! Some one has a poor memory. Parasol, shawl {picking them up and in stooping sees package behind bench), and package. {Unwraps package.) What in the world—? Looks like a life belt. What's this? {Reads on back.) "Cutter's bullet-proof vest is known as the best." {Sits on parasol and shaivt on bench, completely hiding them with package, etc.) Why, I believe that old codger— or does this be- long to my friend, the editor ? No, I should say it was much too large. Anyway, it comes in handy. {Enter Tom and Lilian, l. Arthur sees them.) By JJngoJ Lilian {not seeing Arthur). I don't know where I could have left them. {Sees Arthur.) Oh ! Arthur. Are you looking for 8i WHAT HAPPENED TO BBAGGS Tom. Mind your own business, sir. (7 pages Cloth, Leather Back, $1.25 This work is the outgrowth of actual class-room experience, and is a practical, common-sense treat- ment of the whole subject. It is clear and concise, yet comprehen- sive, and is absolutely free from the entangling technicalities that are so frequently found in books of this class. Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocu- tion, is regarded as embracing all the germs of speech and action. Prominent attention is therefore given to the cultivation of this the most common form of human expression. General principles and practical processes are pre- sented for the cultivation of strength, purity, and flexibility of Voice, for the improvement of distinct- ness and correctness in Articulation, and for the development of Soul power in delivery. The work includes a systematic treatment of Ges- ture in its several departments of position, facial expression, and bodily movement, a brief system of Gymnastics bearing upon vocal development and grace of movement, and also a chapter on Methods ent, prepaid, upon re- One copy del. to Cat. Div. j^^ Company street, Philadelphia LIBRARY OF CONGRESS ■HI Do you want to be an ^_®-.®2i 929 8 05 5 % Do you want to be a Teacher ^K of Elocution ^P Do you want to be a Public Readef Do you want to improve your conversation Do you want training in Physi- cal Culture Do you w^ant to increase your power in any direction A CATALOGUE GIVING FULL INFORMA- MATION AS TO HOW ANY OF THESE AC- COMPLISHMENTS MAY BE ATTAINED WILL BE SENT FREE ON REQUEST The National School of Elocution and Oratory Temple Building Philadelphia