LIBRARY OF CONGRESS DODDSDT^fibA • * *rsr v V ^ * •£ * „* ^0 ♦ « - «b &' * «b£ & 0* kJF(!//^> » > - o *p^ ■a AUTO -BIOGRAPHY OF SAM SIMPLE, GIVING AN ACCOUNT OF THE ADMINISTRATION OF THE AFFAIRS OF THE SlMPLE FAMILY FROM THE YEAR 1829 TO 1837, BY HIS AUNT DEBORAH CRABSTICK, TOGETHER "WITH A HISTORY OF SOME NEW AND IMPORTANT EXPERIMENTS IN GOVERNMENT NEVER BEFORE TRIED; EEING A ME- THOD OF REDUCING IT TO A "SIMPLE MACHINE," WITH AN ACCOUNT OF THE SUCCESS WHICH ATTENDED THIS NOTABLE AND PATRIOTIC UNDERTAKING. & political SUfegors* When folly rules and passion triumphs too, Let satire scourge what reason can't subdue. •ID- BOSTON: O. BREWER, PRINTER, 14 CONGRESS STREET, 1837. Copy-fight Secured. \ Es AUTO-BIOGRAPHY OF SAM SIMPLE, EXEMPLIFYING THE CHARACTER AND HISTORY OF HIS AUNT DEBORAH CRABSTICK. My father was possessed of a large estate which he had acquired by hard labor. To establish his ti- tle he had incurred a heavy debt: but the prudent management of my mother had put things in such a train that the debt was rapidly diminishing and a family of twenty-four children were looking forward to days of happiness and prosperity. Our dairy v. as of the first order; and the old brindled cow, famil- iarly known by the name of Grant Brindle, in token of her usefulness, poured forth the nutritious streams of the healthy aliment which she yielded us in such abundance, that the supply was more than sufficient for the demand of our thriving family; and she and her progeny had become celebrated for their good qualities among our neighbors. In short, plenty smiled upon us from all quarters, and my father, who was a little too fond of his ease, ceased to trouble himself about our affairs, but committed the man- agement of them to his worthy spouse, not doubting that under her care all would come out well. But we were doomed to disappointment, for at this period my mother suddenly died and left us to the mercy of a kind but negligent parent, whose very virtues ren- dered him an easy prey to the ambitious and design- ing. Nor were we long left in doubt into whose hands our destinies had fallen; for one who had been a sort of hanger-on in the family, aspired to, anil soon acquired the absolute control of all our affairs; this was none other than Jiunt Deborah Crubstick Avhose character I will not attempt to describe, but leave the reader to form his own opinion of it from this narrative. Yet there is one trait in it, which I cannot entirely pass over without noticing, as it is so interwoven with, and runs through the whole of her history, of which it forms so distinguishing a feature, that the reader may as well be made^ ac- quainted with it at once; and when it is known it wiU 5 serve to explain a great many things which other- wise would seem inexplicable; what I allude to is, an unyielding obstinacy which never corrected an error or acknowledged a fault, however apparent. — She had such a lofty sense of her own infallibility, that any impeachment of it, even by implication, was a crime and misdemeanor never to be forgiven, and perseverance in any measure even when palpably wrong, was mistaken by her for decision and ener- gy, and considered one of the brightest points in her character. How she came to succeed to the station which had been so well fdled by my mother it is not now necessary to enquire; we all used to impute it to the easy carelessness of my father, and some of the older boys were not backward in predicting the most unhappy consequences from the rule of our new gov- erness, whose character was not unknown to us. — Dick in particular was not backward in reading the signs of the times, nor was he very scrupulous as to the manner of expressing his opinion in regard to them. He was a fellow that would not quail before all the old maids in the universe. Aunt Deborah Crabstick had no sooner become installed as manager of the household, than she be- gan to show her teeth. She took a female oath to correct the abuses of her predecessor, which she af- 6 firmed were numerous and must be reformed. She meant to " ask for nothing but what was right and submit to nothing that was wrong," but she forgot or perhaps she did not know, that this question of right and wrong is the very thing that mankind have been quarreling about ever since the deluge; and that in all the wars and fightings which have taken place, both parties have ever claimed to be in the right. But as Aunt Deborah Crabstick was never mistaken, it was easy to see how the line of right and wrong would be run where she was a party. Nor was she slack in performing what she set herself about, and as she knew my father's weakness, she began by complaining to him that the children were not well fed, although we were lusty boys of our age and could flog any of our size within our reach; but she insisted we had been abused, and she must take our case in hand,' and correct the evil. She next said our food had not been properly prepared, and without any more ado, she began to overturn the kitchen establishment, turning out the old faithful servants and putting in new ones to suit her own taste. As she wanted tools as well as cooks she fil- led that department with hungry dependants without regard to qualifications for their ostensible duties, although they usually had some acquaintance with the science of gammoning, could twirl the head case, and dance round the hickory pole, when the wand of the stern enchantress summoned them to the task. As she boasted of being of Irish extraction she took especial care to have some of the Hibernian breed about her culinary regiment. For this was in truth her life guard, and it has earned its own immortali- ty — a fame which envy will never touch. Reformers seldom stop at the point they first aim at, and so it turned out with Aunt Deborah Crab- stick; for she had scarcely revolutionized the kitch- en, and got that under her own control before she undertook to reform the edibles; which at first she had only thought bad, but now from her continual habit of fault-finding she had pursuaded herself was absolutely intolerable: moreover Grant Brindle, the prolific granary of our establishment, had unwitting- ly given her offence, and that was a transgression always followed by condemnation, and man nor beast never provoked her wrath in vain. Her rule in ethics was to "reward her friends and punish her ene- mies, "fas cad nefas — who can withstand the intoler- ance of an old crone. It chanced that our faithful foster mother Grant Brindle happened one day to cross the patli of Aunt Deborah Crabstick, and more in sorrow than in an- ger, perhaps at the remembrance of her former mis- tress, rolled up her bio; blue eye at her ladyship, 8 which inoffensive act was interpreted "you are a hag" by the conscience stricken matron. This sealed the fate of the quadruped, and Aunt Debo- rah promptly declared her to be a pernicious and dangerous animal, that we should be poisoned with her milk or gored to death by her ferocity, our safe- ty was the mantle with which she veiled her malign- ity, and she forthwith determined to "take the re- sponsibility" of having her driven from the pre- cincts, notwithstanding the clamors of the whole fam- ily. Aunt Deborah never did, like an animal whose name forms a part of her patronymic, go backwards: and all our reasoning; with her was in vain. When told we could not live without the nutriment which Grant Brindle supplied us with, she replied she would give us better food, and that if we would send her off, she would procure a large number of goats, whose milk was richer and far better, and that in- stead of Brindle 's insipid water gruel and johnny cakes, we should have pure cream and cream bis- cuits for our breakfast. She averred that Grant Brindle was actually diseased and if she was not disposed of, we should be diseased too; and that it was for our sakes alone, that she wished to make the exchange, for it was now known that a cow is a very dangerous animal, and she could not suffer one to remain with us any longer, more espec- ially as she had found out a substitute which would prevent any inconvenience, and answer all the purposes for which kine had been introduced much better. That goats were noble creatures, perfectly harmless and just fitted to our wants, and that at all events she was determined to try the Ex- periment. Dick fought valiantly againt this innovation. — Grant Brindle he contended had been twenty years in the family, and had proved useful to us. That the symptoms of disease were more apparent in those who had conjured up such crack-brained notions, than in the selected subject of them; that all the ac- cusations were false and the proposed remedies pre- posterous and delusive, as time would show; and that the only danger to be apprehended, was from stupid experiments, directed by an obstinacy which never heeded the light of experience. As to the cream and the biscuits, he did not believe such pro- mises would be fulfilled. The cream, if there was any, would be monopolized in the kitchen, and the biscuit would never get out of the oven: and he had no wish to change his present fare for goat skim and hominy dumplings. But the more he reasoned, the more Aunt Deborah raved, till at last in a tit of des- paration she seized the animal by the horns, and vi 10 et armis pitched her into the highway. Sure enough we had plenty of goats to supply the place of Grant Brindle, and Dick's prophecy was more than half fulfilled, the kitchen folks got all the cream, but the boys had plenty of the skim, and what was lacking in quality was made up in quantity, ei- ther by natural or artificial means. The new ali- ment had a wonderful effect upon the boys, for al- though they lost their healthy hue and rubicund countenance, it puffed and swelled them up as if their skins had been inflated with gas, which made them look to a careless eye as if they were in good case, but it was all shadfow without substance — puff without consistency — symptoms more of disease than. health. Dick endeavored to remonstrate with my father upon this state of things, and urged him to rouse ud and check the evils that were coming so thick upon us; but Aunt' Deborah Crabstick, de- clared that we looked so plump and hale that our ap- pearance gave the lie to all his declarations. She averred that we were nevermore prosperous, and that if we would only let her manage the affairs in her own way, all would be right; and that the great trouble was, she was continually opposed in all her contem- plated improvements, which was the chief cause of all our difficulties, if indeed, any existed. She made these assertions so often, that they ac- 11 quired by repetition the weight of truth, with those at least who are not very nice in their discrimina- tions between assertion and argument. They had worn such a channel in the minds of some, that Dick's logic could not avail much. Aunt Deborah thought by this kind of artifice to bring every body into her views. This was her fort, and she practised it too successfully with my good natured parent. When any thing went wrong, she was sure to lay the blame upon some of us. If the dinner was spoiled or the crockery broken, she was always ready to shield the cooks from blame at the expense of some other member of the family, and the more glaring was the fact of their culpability, the more boisterous she would be in asserting their innocence. Aunt Deborah Crabstick had her troubles as well as the rest of us; for her temperament was such, that she was happy only when the elements of strife were in motion. She liked a troubled sea better than a quiet lake — a thunder-cloud and a whirlwind better than blue sky and a gentle breeze — and, had she ever seen a volcano or witnessed a hurricane, she would not have rested easy till earthquakes and tor- nadoes had become acclimated among us. As it was, her imagination made up what was wanting in reality, and what she did not see with her eyes open, she would discover when they were shut. 12 It was in one of these magnetized visions that she thought she saw our old friend Grant Brindle array- ed in all the frightful imagery of a demon. With fie- ry tongue and burning eyeballs, griffin claws and a dragon's tail, with which she fetched Aunt Deborah such a wipe, as she imagined, that she thinks she feels it to this day, and boasts of the wounds she re- ceived in the conflict with the monster. This was one of her greatest exploits. Poor Grant Brindle little thought of the harm her image was working in the brain of her renowned enemy; but somehow or oth- er Aunt Deborah fancied, and the character of the beast was confirmed by this dreamy incident, that Brindle was trying to get her place and wanted to rule the family and my father too. It was a laugh- able conceit, that the harmless quadruped was as- piring to such a state. But when the idea had once got inside of Aunt Deborah's caput, there was no process in mental surgery that could extract it. She therefore sent out some of her kitchen troops to hunt up Brindle, with strict charge to kick and cuff her with all their might and main; and she ordered the boys to pelt the animal wherever they found her, with all the filth they could lay their hands on. But they generally preferred to let her do her own business with her own tools. The manner in which Grant Brindle had been ex- 13 pellcd excited our indignation. Aunt Deborah Crab- stick had clearly exceeded her authority. It was an event which we thought ought not to be permit- ted to pass unnoticed, and some of the boys, more mischievous than the rest, had determined upon the modus operandi. At the entrance of our enclosure stood two majestic stone posts, like the pillars of Hercules at the mouth of the Mediteranean, or Ja- chin and Boaz in Solomon's temple. They had for- merly served to protect us from violence, being the abutments of a rampart that shielded us from law- less force, but had lately become useless as they were undermined and tottering. On one of these it was resolved to place a memento of the act we deplored and condemned. At a proper elevation, one more agile than the rest, ascended and drew a representation of the act, not forgetting the peculiar features of Aunt Deborah, who was drawn in such a striking manner, both as to attitude and action, that the subject was easily understood without an in- terpreter. Nothing is so cutting as truth, when it comes in an unwelcome dress. The deed was hard- ly done before the news of it flew to Aunt Deborah, for none could mistake its design and application, and raised a storm that seemed to threaten us with dissolution. The kitchen was in an uproar, not merely to punish the aggressor, but to efface the hi- 2 14 eroglyphic record; for although Aunt Deborah had gloried in the act itself, she did not like the monu- ment which had been erected to its memory, as its execution was not in keeping with her taste, and was a little too faithful in its delineations of the outrage, to inspire any other sentiment than that of disappro- bation. In truth it was a bold figure, coarse but expressive, and told the whole story at a touch: and held the subject of it up to the alternate censure and ridicule of all who saw it. Aunt Deborah Crabstick did not stop long to deliberate, but prompt- ly declared it must be expunged: and the kitch- en coterie went to work with soap suds, aqua fortis, turpentine, and other approved oil cleansing liquids, but the more they rubbed it the plainer it became, and the remedies applied had only the ef- fect to sink it deeper into the granite tablet. Aunt Deborah could only rave and cry out Expunge! Ex- punge!! — but the imperturbable block, would not re- linquish the impression that had been put upon it; but seemed to exult in standing in avowed opposi- tion to the Crabstick party. Aunt Deborah had almost concluded as a last resort to level it with the ground; and would have done so had she not feared such an act would have rous- ed my father from his lethargy; when a lucky expe- dient was hit upon by one of her most uproarious 15 servants. It was this: — black lines were to be drawn around the offensive article, by way of ornament we supposed, that the pillar might be ta- ken and deemed not to be defaced; and lest some persons hereafter might make the original applica- tion, underneath was to be written, to prevent any mistake on this point, " This aint Deborah Crabstick." The plan was approved of, and immediately consu- mated in all its parts. Aunt Deborah's feelings were soothed, and the ingenious inventor of this de- vice had the immortal honor of carrying it into ex- ecution, and of erecting a monument to the fame of Aunt Deborah as durable as brass or at least as in- destructable as stone. He performed the act with much solemnity, and gave the brush used as the in- strument of expurgation to Aunt Deborah to be pla- ced among the archives of the Crabstick family. — She still values it as a treasure which has rescued the name from disgrace, not doubting the inscrip- tion it recorded will be read by coming generations without questioning its veracity: although others are of opinion that it will only excite inquiry and perpetuate the truth. In our neighborhood was a fanciful gentleman na- med Francisco, of most facetious manners and po- lite carriage, he was always merry, yet never laugh- ed; a complete personification of good nature with- 16 out those turbulent out-breakings of mirth which distinguish merriment from cheerfulness; he was continually spinning pirouettes and it is asserted that he had spent as many hours of his life in the air; that is, in whizzing above the surface of the earth, as he had spent on solid terra firma. This man had formerly been a great friend to my father, and helped him in time of his distresses, and stood by him when he was feeble and unable to fight his way alone through the world. But reverses had some times happened to him, and in some of his disputes with others, he had trespassed upon the rights and property of my father; but such was the good feel- ing between them, that although the latter had made out his bill of damages, yet he never pressed the payment of it very hard, for to tell the truth my father was but a sorry hand at dunning; besides Francisco had not been in a condition to pay up, and so from the politeness of the one, and the good nature of the other, the thing was suffered to lie by for a more convenient season. But it happened that Aunt Deborah in brushing away the cobwebs in the attic story, found the score chalked down against Francisco, and immediately set herself about it to have the thing squared up, and the score rubbed out, for she said she loved to see clean walls. The de- mand was made out and presented to our neighbor, 17 who as usual received it with a bow. But it would not do this time, for the messenger was instructed to get something more substantial; however, he put him off for a ltttle while, but Aunt Deborah would not be easy; and every time she could get sight of of him, she so clapper-clawed and belabored him, that he was compelled to come to terms, and at last he told her if she would send over to him one of her kitchen fellows, he would look over the account with him and see how it stood, and make arrange- ments to settle it, for he said he was glad to get rid of the "tarn b-tch," at any rate. Aunt Deborah Crabstick sent over her runner without delay, and he being a pretty shrewd sort of a chap, was determined to keep in with both par- ties; so he and Francisco were not long in finding out how the account stood, and when they had done so, they agreed upon the sum that should be paid in full of all claims, which was about ten cents on the dollar, and the thing seemed to be coming to an ami- cable conclusion: when Aunt Deborah's messenger, thinking to magnify his services, hurried home and told how he had cheated Francisco, and made him agree to pay much more than he owed. This made a great deal of sport in the kitchen, and Aunt Deborah was so much pleased she could not help tel- ling every body of it; and Francisco heard of it also, 2* 18 which somewhat disturbed our polite neighbor, whd did not like to be told he had been over-reached in the bargain; especially by one who had made great professions of being guided by 'honest policy;' which by the way is a very ambiguous expression, and the man who uses it, should always be suspected, for it more frequently means selfishness than patriotism. He said that a fellow who could play double in this way was one villain, and he'd look into the matter again be- fore he paid the account. But Aunt Deborah con- tended that "all's fair in politics," and declared she would be revenged if the debt was not immedi- ately paid; and she wanted my father to supply her with money that she might furnish the boys with squirt guns to shoot at Francisco every time he passed; but he could not gratify her in this, and she could do nothing but wag her tongue at him and threaten him with vengeance; at last Francisco find- ing there was no use in quarreling with such a char- acter, made up his mind to settle the claim; but just at this moment a new idea had got into Aunt Debo- rah's cranium, deep and immoveable, which caused no little embarrassment. She had come to the con- clusion that nothing possessed any real intrinsic val- ue but new laid Eggs ,and she stoutly declared nothing else should be allowed in the family. It was an Ex- periment which was to bring health and contentment 9 to all. Francisco was not prepared for this new dif- ficulty, but as he had made up his mind not to quar- rel, he stripped all the roosts in his territory and paid the whole demand in Eggs — the real sub- stantial Crabstick currency, which never changes, never depreciates, and is the only article of food which ought to be encouraged in well regulated families. They were soon transferred to the kitch- en, put under double lock and key and were con- sidered by Aunt Deborah and her flatterers as the principal if not the only treasure in the family. The Egg system was not without its inconvenien- ces, for eggs were a stapie article in all our little dealings with our neighbors. Aunt Deborah's plan of hoarding up all that she could procure, derang- ed our calculations and took from us one of the prin- cipal means of payment. Dick exposed the absur- dity of this new experiment and predicted its unhap- py consequences. The goat's milk plan had turned out pretty much as he said it would, and Aunt Deb- orah, who could never carry but one idea in her head at a time, was begining to be tired of it; but as she never retracted an error or acknowledged a fault, she determined to persevere till the Egg system had supplanted it; which she as a matter of course, was certain it would do, so soon as we all of us began to understand the excellency of the material upon which in future we were to subsist. 20 Dick as usual opposed this Utopian project. He contended that however excellent and nutritious eggs might be, they never could constitute our sole diet for a sufficient quantity could not be procured to supply our wants, nor were they always best adapt- ted to our convenience or our appetites. That va- riety in food, or a mixed diet consisting of healthy aliments, was more congenial to our desires as well as our health. And as to losses by deterioration, there was nothing gained, for if milk was sometimes sour, eggs were sometimes rotten; on the whole, it was force against nature, a usurpation upon the rights of digestion, an encroachment on the privileges that belong to man by nature — aristocratic in its charac- ter and unjust in its application — the experiment would cause trouble and discontent and finally be abandoned as impracticable and useless. That the best way would be to correct past errors and not run into new follies — to abandon experiments and re- ly upon experience — we were not wiser than others who have gone before us, and our new discover- ies turned out to be exploded theories which had had their day before our existence; had risen and burst like soap bubbles, with every new impostor and rar- ified politician whose interests required him to raise them. Aunt Deborah Crabstick was not to be driven from 21 her position by such arguments. Her plan was a good one and must be tried — Eggs were a good and sub- stantial kind of food. A sufficient quantity could be procured for our purposes, because they possessed more solid nutriment than any other article; conse- quently a smaller amount would be required, and we must adapt our appetites to the supply, and not the supply to our appetites. So far from being aristocratic it was the very op- posite of it, for the true democratic principle is, not only that "all men are born equal" but that they should live and die equal. And with what propri- ety can it be said "all men are equal" when one in- dividual is puffed up like a balloon and another is as gaunt as a haypole. Whereas if all eat the same kind of food and consume the same quantity, they would all be of the same specific gravity being composed of the same amount of alimentary material. And their faculties would be the same, as the coporeal ac- tion on the mental principle would be alike, conse- quently they would be in all respects equal. This is the grand desideratum, which all true philanthropists and reformers are trying to bring about, and which this Experiment will accomplish. And what species of food that nature has furnished us with, or injrcn- uity devised, is better calculated for equal distribu- tion than Eggs. They can be delivered numerically 22 without weight or measure, and each can get his share without deception. So that equality is the basis of the system, and the greedy monopolizers will have to bring their stomachs down to the lawful standard. And she further said, as all her measures had been taken for our good, we ought to leave things to her judgment, and submit to her require- ments without murmuring. If we would onlygive the Experiment full play, we should soon have abundance as she meant to establish a number of Egg manu- factories that would supply all our wants; in the meantime we must be careful not to let our neigh- bors get any of our Eggs from us, as that was what they were trying to do, but they did not know whom they had to deal with. Those who opposed the Egg system only wanted to get Grant Brindle back again, which was a wicked thing, which they should not accomplish so long as her name was Deborah Crabstick. This was a theme which soon dethron- ed her reason. At the name of Brindle, her hair rose erect like a disciplined band of soldiers when their arms are brought to a shoulder, her eyes flashed with a maniac glare, her limbs shook with frenzy, and her eloquence was mute. It was the peroration of all her speeches ever since her battle with the Monster, over whom she claimed a triumph, although her feelings betrayed a belief that she had 23 hardly obtained a victory, for a fear seemed to haunt her like a shadow, that the animal would one day again return to dwell in peace and honor among us. It is said that an "old Roman" one of the Empe- rors, once wished that his people had but one neck, that he might strike it off at a blow. And Aunt Deborah Crabstick actuated by the same liberal views, wished to make our family a "simple ma- chine" that by the turning of a crank, all its multi- plied operations might be performed in the twinkling of an eye and with the precision of a steam engine. She of course was to direct this democratic loco- motive instrument, and it was the object of her ex- periments to bring this labor saving invention into operation. She had so organized the elements of society among us, that she was in part successful. Her party was moved by a turn of the crank, as easy as a fly wheel is set in motion by the power of steam; and although the power she used was some- what different in its mechanical properties, from what is commonly applied to inert masses of mat- ter, she did not despair of being finally able to sub- due the will of her subjects, and move mind with as much facility as others did material substances; and thus establish a little republic such as the world never saw before, whose consolidated power is cen- 24 tered in a single chief; who rules by machinery over a people whose uniform dimensions are the result of the strict principles of equality, introduced and maintained by regulating the economy of food; re- straining its consumption beyond the lawful standard and enforcing it where any deficiency required its compulsory aid; thereby suppressing corpulency and giving to the lean and haggard their just weight and measure. This is the true principle by which all men can be made equal, and strange as it may seem it has been overlooked by all the sages of other times, all the advocates of pure republicanism every where, and its discovery seems to have been re- served only to give additional splendor to the illus- trious name of Crabstick. Since we lost Grant Brindle we had been sadly perplexed to square our accounts with our neigh- bors, for none of them would have anything to do with goat's milk, especially after it had been through the kitchen process of skimming and dilution. — The consequence was that our long scores remain- ed unpaid, and now that the Eggs were seized too, we had nothing left which we could turn into the ac- count. Aunt Deborah was so rigid she would not suffer an egg to go towards the old score, but locked up all she could lay her hands on. She forgot her maxim " to ask for nothing but what was right." 25 She had got off from that scent. And now her aim was to get all the eggs she could, and prevent any body else from getting them right or wrong. Thus the question of right was varied with the question of policy, and her caprice was the only standard by which they both were measured. Our old neighbor Johnny Bullion, a sort of hab- erdasher by profession had supplied us with jim- cracks and such kind of notions, 'till he had got a considerable balance against us. He was a jovial fellow, a good friend but a tough enemy. He would drive a bargain, fight a battle or drink ale with any one that came in his way, just as the humor hap- pened to take him. Of portly dimensions and lofty carriage, he made some pretensions to dignity. — Yet he was courteous and affable where his inter- est required it, or sociability was to be promoted. — He did not trouble his debtors much who kept on the right side of him so long as he had his roast beef and egg pudding, but the policy of Aunt Deb- orah touched him in a tender part, his gastric pro- pensities and rendered him restless: yet he did not lose altogether his good humor, for his pride was mortified to find he had been circumvented in an essential article of diet, and he rather preferred to conceal his chagrin, than acknowledge the success of his opponent. But as eating was a favorite 3 26 amusement with him, he did not like the loss of his pudding, it was one of the condiments which had become a necessity from habitual use. He strove hard to get hold of the eggs, which Aunt Deborah clenched tighter than ever,but Bullion swore he would have his share, and in the strife we were left with- out a single one to subsist upon; and as troubles never come singly but in battalions, just in the heighth of the contest, when the pressure was most onerous, all the Goats took it into their heads to scam- per off at once, kicking and plunging, and throwing up their heels at us, as if the spirit of evil was dri- ving them on to destruction. Thus our chief support was taken away from us, and starvation with his hollow eyes stood looking in our faces. One of Aunt Deborah's Experiments had thus fairly explo- ded, and the other was soon to share the same fate: for the noise and consternation of all, aroused my father from his inactivity, and as the only resource he unlocked the depositories of Aunt Deborah, but to his mortification and her discomfiture it was found the kitchen craft had been feasting upon her treas- ures, and much of what had escaped their voracity had become rotten and useless, and of the remain- der, 'squire Bullion, who was very conscientious about keeping his oath, succeeded in grabbing so large a lot, that in spite of all opposition he carried off the largest share of the ''spoils. " 35 so called, in opposition to a standing resolution of Congress passed in 1816 and the recently expressed will of one of the branches of it. It required the land agents of the government to exact Specie in payment of public land. And the tendency of this measure was to hoard up specie in the West, and withdraw it from the Atlantic cities, where the cur- rent of trade naturally carried it. Its effect on the commercial community was terrible, and involved the country in almost universal bankruptcy. The public funds, about forty millions, had furnished the State Banks with the means of extending their cir- culation, which facilitated wild and hazardous spec- ulations, importations increased, and a large foreign debt principally with Great Britain (page 25)had ac- cumulated. The withdrawal of the specie basis of the circulating medium to the fastnesses of the West; consummated the disasters of this ruinous system of mismanagement. Commercial distress and inuividu- al embarrassment were so great that in May 1S37 a suspension of Specie payments by all the Banks in the country took place (page 26) and the golden dreams of a metalic currency vanished into thin air and left a wreck behind. A sound paper circula- tion whose basis was coin, was thus changed, by our modern illuminated financiers, into one, whose pre- carious value was based only on credit. The suspension of specie payments by the Banks caused a rise in the value of specie, the effect of which was to draw it from the west to the commercial cities Exportation for the payment of the foreign debt commenced, and our foreign creditors received the immediate benefit of our sufferings, (page 26.) The Specie Circular thus repealed itself. Congress had attempted to do so before their adjournment, but at so late a period of the session, that the President 36 was not obliged to resort to his legislative trunch- eon to defeat the measure. Ten days is the Con- stitutional term allotted to the Executive for his de- cision on bills presented for his signature. But be- fore the time expired, that body had adjourned. — And he quietly put their repealing law into his pock- et, and left his cherished ''specie circular" in full force. Thus in all the prominent measures, which have brought about the present embarrassed state of the country, the President has acted on his own responsibility and in opposition to the wishes of Congress. The destruction of the United States Bank, the removal of the public deposites, and the specie Circular, are purely I Executive measures, and as such we have treated them. Whether the sequel of the story we have related will correspond with historical record remains among the hidden things of futurity; but if patriotism be permitted to take the place of selfishness and party pride, what we have imagined in closing our little volume, may yet become a reality. It has been said by his partizans, that in his po- litical course, General Jackson was actuated by an honesty of purpose. But never was honesty more dishonest. For it beheld our substance plundered without remorse, and looked upon our ruin without dismay. It was deaf to the supplications of distress and indignant at the voice of remonstrance. It set reason and experience at defiance, and mocked at the anguish and sufferings of the oppressed. But the lion is roused from his lair, and now the causes are known and their effects so keenly felt, may we not hope that the crisis is indeed past, and that a bright day of gladness and prosperity is before us. 89 I r. * ,CT 4 ^ t * ^V * o N o ° .<6 T V >o * ' Vf /°- '-^mi J***. 'Wis?'? ^ o * 0° "oV 1 XJVV ■A? \lii v WERTBOOKBIN'DIN^^'-V ■^ ** Gramvji.o, fa < ^ ^ Or -0 ■&K'- ' -aWa'<