-^- '*-^^^^^^^^^^^r AN ORIGINAL COMEDY. liittle^issiJohnstone FRANK E. DUMM. UPPER SANDUSKY, 1887. TT» ^<< » 1 v% 't V <* f w ^ V 19 ii>o/ AN ORIGINAL COMEDY. kittle ®iss ilohnstone, sBYs FRANK E. DUMM. UPPER SANDUSKY, 0, 1887. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1887, By frank E. DUMM, in the oflSce of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. Jonathan J. Johnstone, "Little Miss Johnstone's" father. Robert B. Bolter, His friend "Bobbie." Frederick Schane, A young German. Felix Bolter, A rare genius of New Yorker. Mr. Wicks, An advertising agent for "J. J. J." Nannie Johnstone, Known as "Little Miss Johnstone.^" Aunt Betsy Trip way, A consistent woman. Miss Flossy Titters, A society girl. / f .^b"'.'- (^'^ \ A(2T I PLACE— Five Forks, Ohio. TIME — May-time AND dinner waiting. SCENE — Set house "R" between 1 and 8. Picket fence, GATE "C/' BETWEEN "R 3 E" AND "L 3 E." OlD FASHIONED WELL, WITH WINDLASS, (L 2 E.J TaBLE WITH CLOTH AND DISHES, THREE CHAIRS, NEAR SET HOUSE. BeNCH, (L 1 E.) WoOD WINGS AND FLAT. AT RISE OF CURTAIN— Aunt Betsy arranging dishes up- on TABLE Betsy. f WONDER where she is? (call- ing) Nan-uie! N-a-n-nie! N-a-u- ii-i-e! Well, shell get it when she does come. Crosses to table, picks up gad, the strength of which she tries upon her knee and other- wise. Oh, but won't she. Here's her gadding and a gallivanting and me cooking and wearing my fingers to the very bone, and she not even coming to meals, {tries gad) Get it; well, I should say she would. Enter Mr. Wicks "L 3 E." Looks cautiously about him; seeing Betsy, makes a grimace and produces a memorandum in which he writes rapidly. This is the house, and that the fe- male. Hem ! Bet {fuming) Mercy heavens! Wic {advancing) Don't be star- tled, madam. I pray you, don't. If I startled you. I beg vour pardon. Bet Well, if you" don't call that startling a body, what do you call it? Wic I don't know; I will look it up in my memorandum. By the by, are you using this well? Bet What on earth would we have it here for if we wasn't? Wic Madam, you don't under- stand me. However, nobody does. He produces hammer and tacks and com- mences to tack placard upon well. Wic {At gate C reading from hook ) Cottage, yellow—green blinds — picket-fence. Ditto. Just so. Old lady — lace cap — freckled — curls. Ditto. Just so. Old well — rustic bench— no dogs. Ditto. Just so. Bet What are you doing there? THE placard: J. J. J. FOR CORN'S. Wic {tacking placard) Wicks, is my name — used to call me Wicky at school — quite a joke — yes. Nice placard — -ornameut — quite so — pay me to do this in most places, but it being you. Miss Betsy — Bet (aside) Well, there's im- pertinence for you. [aloud) Who told you my name was Betsy? Wic {aside) Her name is Betsy. {aloud and turning pages of book) How did I know your name was Betsy? Page 5. Betsy Tripway. Bet That's my name; what of it? Wic {reads) Residence, Five Forks, cottage third door south of mill, left-hand side. Bet Well, that's none of your business. Wic Get ofE at the junction, ride five miles, walk two and in- quire at the P. 0. Ditto. Just so. Bet Just so? It's nothing of the sort. Wic Page 6. Tall female, gar- ulous temperament; otherwise Bet {aside) He's escaped from somewhere. Wic Otherwise, kindly disposed. \^He crosses, Betsy makes a motion to go in set house.^ Don't go; I am de- lighted to make your acquaintance. I pray you, don t go. I am not through with you. Please sit down. Bet aside Did you ever! Wic Sit down. Bet I won't sit down. Wic Won't sit down? No? I will. Sit3 upon bench "L" Bet Nobody asked you, sir. Wic Don't apologize. Bet Well! Wic Did you say well? Bet That s what I said. Wic Well? Oh, certainly, I see the well. Drink? No. I am not thirsty. Page 7. You are the sister-in-law of J. J. Johnstone, Esq, aged 59 years, 8 months and 16 days ? Bet aside He's the assessor. aloud What did you come here for; you seem to know about every- thing? Wic Page 8. J. J. J. is an im- mortal man. Bet Fm not surprised. He left here 16 years ago and hasn't been heard of since. Should tbiuk he ought to be. When did he die? Wic That is not in my memo- randum. Page 9. You have in your charge a daughter of J. J's; who's wife and sister of Betsy Trip- way, died Oct. 5th, 1864; 15 years, 3 months and 5 days before the greatest discovery of the 19th cen- tury — J. J. J. For Corns. Bet Well, what's that to you? Wic Page 10. Bet You'll please stop paging me, or you'll wish you had. Wic This child was left in your charge to siipport, educate, &c., &c., etcetera. Why? Page 11. J. J. was a miserable wretch, penniless &c. &c. etcetera. Bet Supposing I did; and it's no fault of his if she isn't dead and buried and frozed and starved and pitch-forked in the bargain. The miserable trickster. Wic J. J. a trickster? Bet Trickster. That's what I said. Wic Calm yourself. Page 11. Is the child still alive? Bet Guess you'd think so if you had to live with her. Wic Healthy? Bet She ought to be; she eats enough. Wic Educated? Bet Is when she wants to be. Wic Page 12. Beautiful? Bet That's noue of jour busi- ness. Wic {closes book, rises) Much obliged. Take a card. Sorry I can't stay for dinner. But don't worry, I'll be back for supper. Yours respectfully, Wicks. Good morning. Exit "R 3 B" Betsy following him to gate C. Bet Heavens to Betsy, he's a queer one. The queerest assessor that ever come doAvn these parts. I wonder how he came to know me and my brother-in-law? 'Spose it was the folks at the store. Um! For gossiping, lies and snake stories, they do rear ahead of anything. Frederick singing outside "L3 E." That's Frederick. I never could tolerate that boy; and I wish he'd keep out of my lot. He bothers the life out of me. Crosses to table and commences angrily to arrange dishes. Frederick enters "R 3 B," at gate "C ' stops singing. Frd Hello, Aunt Betsy. How you vas? Nice morning? Vat do you say? Bet I didn't say anything. Frd aside Veil, Fm glad she didn't, {motions Nannie back ivho is in "L 3 E.") I say. Aunt Betsy, vat makes you look so grim? Any- thing gone wrong? Bet Gone wrong! How's ev- erything always a going here? {picks up gad) But she'll get it. Frd {motions Nannie back) It looks dot vay. • Bet What are you doing! Frd {furniiuj quick) Nothing. Bet Well, don t do it again. I thought she was with you; she's al- ways with you. Where is she ? Frd How do I know. May be she's got caught in the vater veel, and may be she's fallen in the dam. and may be she ain't; and may be she's been stolen by Gypsies. Nan [outside] Frederick! Frd aside Vat de d — 1 she vant to call now for! Bet l^tri/in;/ gad] That's her. Frd \ es, dot's her. aside And I shouldn't vonder she visli is vasn't her. Bet Oh, but won't she get it. She tries gad and hides behind well. Fred, crosses to table. Bet Don't you tell her where I am. Frd No, I von't. Enter Little Miss Johnstone "L 3 E" stops at gate -'C" laughs and exclaims "O gee!" She has a basket in her hands and crosses to Fred. Nan Didn't I tell you, Freder- ick, you wouldn't find anybody at home. Where's Aunt Betsy ? Betsy motions gad at Frdderiek. Frd Look out for the veil. Nan The well? Well, what about it? Frd Look out for the veil. Nan Say, you havn't gone crazy have you? Oh, may be Aunt Bet- sy has fallen in the well. Wouldn't that be fun. Ding, dong, dell, Aunt Betsy's in the well. Frd Say nothing, and look out for the veil. Aunt Betsy brings her gad down upon the stage with tremendous crash. Nannie and Frederick separate. Nan, "R." Fred "LI" Betsy coming down "C." Nan Aunt Betsy! Frd Dot struck somewhere. Nan Oh, it's you. I thought it was somebody else. Frd aside I bet she vish it vas somebody else. During above Betsy tries her gad. Bet \_fo Nannie] Come here! Nan \_yohui to her sUIeirat/s^ Yes ma'am. Fed a.sirfe Now she's going to get it. Bet l^fcdt's Xamiie rouc/hh/ htj Hlioulder, sivitn/s Jier around upon Iter left^ You little imp, you! You galivanting, no-account tom-boy, you; I'm going to scorch you with- in an inch of your life. Nan Yes, ma'am. Fed ctside Now she will get it. Bet Yes, ma'am? What do you mean by yes, ma'am! Arn't you afraid of me! Nan Yes, ma'am. Bet Well, you'd better be. You'd better be frightened half out your wits. Betsy brings her gad down with a tremen- dous crash. Nan . and Fred. jump. Nan I am — yes, ma'am. Bet Hold out your hand! Fed aside Now she is going to get it. Nan But, Aunt Betsy? Bet Hold out your hand ! Nan. advances slowly and school-girl fashion to Betsy, who prepares to punish her. Fed [hides face in his hands} Veil, I can't stand this. Betsy makes a great flourish with the gad and then lets it fall gently into|Nannie'8 hand. Bet Put the gad on the table and then come here. Fed aside Veil, I vouldn't be- lieved dot if I didn't see it. Nannie crosses and lays gad on table and, on returning winks at Frederick. Bet Come here. Nan Yes, ma'am. Bet Fm going to box your ears for you. Say. who unfastened the ribbon in yoii^^iniir? Betsj^commences to tie ribbon and. accident- ally pulls her hair. Nan Oh, Aunt Betsy! Bet You good-for-nothing, you ; stand still, [same j^/a//] Now, kiss me. And if ever you're late for dinner again, you know what you'll get. [jjushes her c/enfli/ toward ta- ble} Frederick, go home. Fed You want me to go home? Eh! Oh, all right, I vill go. Crosses to gate "C." Bet Where are you going! Fed Fm going home. Bet ['puUs out chair ""R" of ta- ble and pats on seat of same} Come back and sit right down here; and Nannie, you sit here. [Nan. ^^L."] If either of you are ever the father of a family, I trust you will have sense enough to take a lesson from what you have just seen. Consis- tancy first and the gad immediately afterwards. That's my motto, and it's a good one. I'm going after the tea; both of you keep your seats. If you don't, you know what you'll get. Betsy exits '*D" in house. Nannie laughs. Fed Vat you laughing at? Nan The idea of me being the father of a family. Fed Dot would be funny. Nan But Aunt Betsy's a good soul, she is. She scolds; oh, don't she, though. But it's a habit she's caught from me, and she can't help it. Pass the bread. He hands her the loaf. Nan Well, cut it. Fed Why didn't you say so. Cuts piece from loaf and hands her the loaf. Nan Oh, I don't want a piece like that. Fed You don't. How is dot? Is her small piece. Nan What makes you so ab- sent-minded, Frederick ? Fed I don't know, but I guess I vas thinking about something else — something we vas talking about down yonder. Nan Was you, now. I'd for- gotten all about it. I— I~I say, pass the bread. Fed You have the bread. Nan So I have. And you was thinking of what we was talking about down yonder. Oh, dear! Fed Yes. Your Aunt Betsy vas in a good humor. Nan Yes, I think she is. Fed Don't you think Fd better say something to her about vat we vas talking about down yonder. Nan I don't know, Frederick; you know Aunt Betsy ? Oh ! Pass the bread! Enter Betsy from "D" In house. Frederick sweeps the loaf through the dishes to Nannie, Betsy crosses, with tea-pot, to head of table. Bet What are you trying to do! Now, what were you talking about ? Nan Nothing. Bet Um! It must have been en- tertaining. Didn't I hear my name mentioned when I came out? She sets tea-pot on Frederick's hand. Fed Ocht, gott! Bet Keep your hand in your pocket. Nannie, didn't I hear my name mentioned when I came out? Nan I only told him to pass the bread. Bet lijouring out tea^ Well, don't talk so much: you'll get in the habit of it. You'll soon be as bad as old Luce Tompkins across the creek, and she's a disgraceful gos- siping old Tartar. She ought to be drummed out of the village. And there's old Deacon Rubberpeal, he's worse than Luce Tompkins. The old reprobate. If he ever says any- thing about me he knows what he'U get. That's the trouble with this vil- lage, everybody in it talks too much, except me. I think. That's the way to do. Think more, and don't talk so much. Will you have sugar in your tea, Frederick ? Fed If you please. Nan So will I, Aunt Betsy. Bet Do you think I've been feeding you for sixteen years and don't know how you take your tea! Do you think I'm an idiot! Speak when you're spoken to; that's my motto, and it's a good one. Betsy commences to put sugar in tea. Fred- erick goes through pantomime, asking Nan- nie if he should speak to Betsy about their little affair. Betsy looks up in time to catch them at it. you you Bet What on earth are making faces about! Don't like the dinner! Fed Yes, we like the diniier^ — Bet Then what don't you like? Nannie pantomimes Frederick to proceed. Fed Vell—vell, I don't know — Bet Then don't disfigure your self. Betsy commences measuring out a cup of tea, but watching Frederick closely. Nannie takes advantage of this fact and reaches un- der the table to step upon Frederick's toe as a cue to continue, but lands upon Betsy's, who drops the cup and starts up. Bet Heavens to Betsy! [to Frederick^ What did you do that for! Fed (bewildered) Do vat for! Nannie stuffs the ends of the table cloth in her mouth to keep from laughing. Bet Do what for! Step on my toe! Fed Step on your toe! Why, I vould just as leave be caught in the vater veel as to be caught doing dot. Bet May be I imagined it? Nan That's it, ^nit Betsy, you imaerined it. 6 Bet Hold your tongue, and go in the house and — go to bed. Nan But, Aunt Betsy, Fni not sleepy. Bet Go into the house! Do you hear what I say! Nan {Xhuf to house) But Aunt Betsy? Bet Come back here and finish your dinner, and if I hear another word out of you, you know what you'll get. Betsy commences to cut slice of bread across loaf. Nannie motions Frederick to proceed. Fed Aunt Betsy Bet [^hands him piece of bread ^ Take it. He takes it. Nan \^aside to Fred.] Lookout for the tea-pot. Frd Veil, I vas going to say, i^unt Betsy — I vas going to say-- — ( Na7i. points at tea-pot ) Eh ! Oh, yes; I vill look out for the tea-pot. Nannie laughs. Bet {buttering 'bread) What's the matter with you fools? Nan {behind Betsy's chair) Well, you see. Aunt Betsy, my dear, sweet Aunt Betsy; only Aunt Betsy Fve got — {euihraces her lavishly) Arn't you Aunt Betsy? Frd aside She knows how to vork her. Bet What's all this about — want anything? Nan No, but Frederick and I were down by the dam this morn- ing, and Bet Well, who said you wasn't! Frd Nobody says we vasn't. But we vas down by the dam, and Nannie she vas saying to me, and I vas saying to Nannie — vasn't we? Nan Yes, we was, Aunt Betsy. Bet Well, you both ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Nan Yes, and he said a lots o£ things to me, dear Aunt Betsy, about that little house down yon- der, with the picket fence in front and the flower beds all around it. Bei Want to sell it to you! Nan No, he didn't want to sell it to me; he wanted to give it to me, or — that is half of it. Bet Why didn't you take it! Nan Why, we didn't know, Aunt Betsy, if it would just suit you. Bet Suit me! What are you fools talking about? Fed ( rises and X's to settee "L" ) Come over here and sit down and we tell you all about it. Bet ril do nothing of the sort. Nan Come on. Aunt Betsy. Bet Well, who said I wouldn't. {X's to bench) Come over here both of you, and sit down beside me. No, Frederick, get on the oth- er side. I hear better on this side, and it doesn't make any difEerence if I hear Nannie or not. Well? Frd Aunt Betsy, if you don't mind, I vill tell you something. I think a great deal of leddle Miss Johnstone. Bet You do! Nan And, Aunt Betsy, if you don't mind, I will tell you some- thing. I think a great deal of Frederick. Bet You do! Nan, Frd And we think a great deal of each other. They reach across Betsy's lap and embrace. Bet What do you mean by that! Arn't you ashamed of yourselves! Nan No, 'cause I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. If people love each other, wh}^, don't they kiss each other? Bet But you don't love each other. Frd Veil, I vonldn't know dot if you didn't tell me. NAif Yes, we do. Bet Then why don't you set up house-keeping? Nan (rises) Do you mean it, Aunt Betsy! Frd {rises) Do you! Bet You'd be two nice fools married, now, wouldn't you. And I would be a bigger fool to let you. Nan {fell Is upon "L" of bench) Well, I don't care. Frd {same play) Neither do I. Bet What do you know about liouse-keeping ? You couldn't cook an egg without basting it. And what do you know about supporting a family? It's all you can do to support your mother. Married! Pshaw! I'd like to see you try it, you know what you'll get. Nan {embraces her from one i?kle) But, Aunt Betsy. Frd [same plaij^ Come on. Do. Betsy turns and kisses Nannie. Frederick kisses Aunt Betsy, who turns quickly and g'lares at him. Bet You must get married next fall. If you don't you know what you'll get. Nan You good, lovely Aunt Betsy. Frd I think more of you than anybody dot lives — except my mud- der and leddle Miss Johnstone. Nan And when we get married, you've got to come and live with us. And 3^ou'll be so good to us, won't you; and we'll be so good to you. Won't we. Frederick? Frd We vill, or we know vat we vill get. Nan And we will all be so very, very happy. [.so/>.s'] Bet \_coHsolui;j her^ Well Nan- nie don't cry about it. Don't make a fool of yourself. If there's any- thing I hate it's to see people making fools of themselves, [soi^^] Frd No, this no time to cry. Dot is vat my fadder said when our cow died. "Don't you cry, my boy; he says, "It might have been your mudder." Nan [son(/—To-morroic 's Our Wedding Day, ] Aunt Betsy don't you cry, Wipe the tear-drops from your eye. For our wedding day is coming on the morrow. The girls will all be there, Apple-blossoms in their hair— And our wedding day that's coming on the morrow. All the boys will be there, you know. All the girls will be there, high O! There'll be singing and dancings There'll be dancing and singing; All the boys will be there, you know, All the girls will be there, high O! Won't we have a jolly time, for to-mor- row 's our wedding day. During chorus Nannie and Frederick waltz about stag-e. Betsy watches them a moment, catches the fever and goes in reg-ardless. Af- ter song, Betsy X's quickly to table and com- mences to arrange dishes, as if she had not participated in the waltz. Nannie staggers exhausted to the bench. Frederick leans ov- er well. Nan I'm all out of breath. Bet {who is out of breath) You ought to be. If there is anything I despise in this world it's dancing. Nannie, come here and hel]) me clear off the table. Nan Yes, ma'am. Enter Wicks, "L 3 E," followed by J. J. Johnstone and Robert B. Bolter. Wig {motions dam) Gentlemen, lady — ^lace cap — - Ditto. Just so. with memoran-' this way. Old dinner waitins'. Wicks stands at gate "C" for J. and B. to pass. Frederick Xs and sits upon bench with Nanuik. Bets> braces herself against the ta' ble and stares at the intruders. NOTE— J. J. J. Is a portly, weak-minded old fellow, clad in duck-linen, and a great deal of showy jewelry, and carries besides a great jrrany airs wfiioh are wot natural with him. Bolter, a portly gentleman, in similar duck- linen, with less jewelry, and decidedly up to the tricks of the worid. He assumes the pom- posity of J. J. J. and echos his sentin»ent&. Jo Wicks, after nie. Rob. And me, Mr. Wicfes. Bet Well, gentlemen? Jo [howing loiu^ Good woman, good day. Rob Good day, good woman. Wic Page 15. We have met. Jo Wicks, get out of the lot, Rob Out of the lot, sir. Wicks retires to gate "C." During remain- der of scene he can decoi-ate fence with pla- cards, but must be careful that be does not interrupt scene. Bet What do you fools want ? Jo Fools t Rob Fools I Jo She certainly said fools. Rob She certainly did. Jo. She don't know us. Rob No, she don't know us. Jo Have you ever seen me be^ fore? Bet I hope not. Jo Ha — I'm Jonathan, your brother-in-law. Rob Yes, this is Jonathan. Bet Well, what of it? Rob What of it I Eh I Tell her again, Johnny; I don't think she understood you. Jo Bobbie, I know her. It won't work. Sister-in-law, it has been, ha — sixteen years since we parted. Bet Well, I guess I know that almost as well as you do. Rob But my dear, madam. Jo Don't, Bobbie, it won't work. No doubt, sister-in-law; no douljt. Emily is dead. The past is dead. There is nothing living now but — ha — the present. Let us live in the present. Bet You can live where you please for all I care. Jo Yes. Sister-in-Taw, T have come for my daughter. Bet Then I advise you to go- back to where yoai come from with- out her. Jo {ntbs his hrtyws net'voush/ 'witli kerchief) We will see, sister- in-law. Ell, Bobbie? Rob Riglit, Johnny,- right. Nan {aside to Fred.} I guess; that's ray pa. FEr> aside YeWj I vouldn't know dot if you didn't tell me' Jo {Xs to Nannie} Is this young lady my daughter? Nan No, she isn't. Jo Sister-in-law Frd Diiln't you hear rat she said! Jo Sister-in-law, is tliis young lady my daughter? Bet She used to be. Jo Nannie, ha — I believe your name is Nannie? Nan If you're my pa you ought to know my name. Jo I ought. Yes. But, ha — it has been such a long time. And so many changes. I have not always been as I am now. I was poor once, wasn't I, Bobbie? Rob And in del)t. Jo But I, ha — never forgot. I always intended to come after you. Didn't I always say so, Bobbie? Rob Certainly. I remember your saying the night before you made the grand discovery; "To- morrow, Bobbie, I shall go for my daughter. Jo You hear. Won't you shake hands with me? Nan Well, I don't mind shaking hands, Jo Ha — won't you kiss me? Nan No, I wont. Jo Why? Nan ' 'Cause I don't know you. 9 Fed aside Don't know her own f adder; veil, I vouldn't have be- lieved dot. Jo Didn't sister-in-law ever tell you about me ? Nan Yes, but never in a way that made me anxious to see 3^ou. Jo No doubt, no doubt, {aside to R) Just as you said, Bobbie. Rob Just as I said. Jo Nannie, I have come to take you back with me — back to the city. I am rich now, and getting richer. I waited a long time for something to turn up, but it came after many years, and here I am to take you back to the city. Bet aside I'd like to see him! Fed Veil, I don't know if you vill or not. Jo Who is this German? Nan Frederick. Jo. Your friend? Nan He's more than that. Jo Not, not Fed Yes, he is. It's all settled. Jo We came just in time, Bob- bie. Rob We certainly did. Jo Nannie, you will, ha — go back with me to the city. You shall have everything you want. Shall she not, Bobbie? Rob Everything. Nan {taking Frederick's hand) I'm much obliged, sir; but I have everything I want. Fed aside Dot's me. Jo The cottage is small. The town is dull, and when you are in the city, with the lights, ha — and the music, ha — you will see a great many things you want. Nan \_looking at Frederich~\ Then I might not. That's the rea- son I don't want to go* Jo But you shall have them all. Shan't she Bobbie? Rob She shall, Johnny. Jo You see I am growing old. I am much older than Bobbie, not in years, but here and here, (touch- head and chest) I want some one to amuse me in my old age. Some one to sit at my right hand, and share the honors of my grand re- ceptions. Think of it, my child; at my right hand, at my grand recep- tions. And you shall have admirers, and silks, and jewels, and laces, and every thing you want. Rob aside If that don't move her, she's inhuman. Nan Can I have my Aunt Betsv? Jo"' Eh, Bobbie? Rob Certainly. Nan And — Frederick ? Bolter nods his head negatively. Jo You forget who I am. You would want him now, but not next month, not next year, after the grand reception; and you at my right hand, and admirers by scores — not after that. Young man, you wouldn't stand in her way? You wouldn't; not if you love her — not if you love her. Fed Why, vouldn't I! If she loves me and I love her, we vould stand in nobody's vay. I can't give her grand receptions; but she can sit at my left hand or my right hand, just as she pleases. When you say I stand in her vay, I don't un- derstand you. Jo You certainly do, young man. She is rich. You are poor, or that is she will be some day. You can't give her the advantages that, ha — I can; that I have neglected to give her in days gone hj. Fed Dot's so. I can't give her very much. All I've got is my mudder, and myself, and dot leddle 10 house; but Avhat I have got, she is velcome to it. Jo Speak, Nannie. Why are you so silent? Is it the gay life in the city, and the grand receptions, and the scores of admirers! Would you not have all these Frd Or dot leddle house! .Jo And the laces, and the silks, and the jewels Frd Or dot leddle house! Nan (running info Frederick's arms) That little house! Betsy, table "R." Bolter, well "rt." Fred, and Nan. "C." PICTURE. Jo. CURTAIN. AGT II TIME — One year Later. A June afternoon PLACE— New York. SCENE — Drawing room in J. J. J's house, 5th Avenue. Door "C" IN FLAT, DOOR ""R" AND "L." TaBLE, CHAIRS AND DESK '^R.'\ Sofa AND CHAIRS ^'L." Bric-a-brac. Elaborately furnished. AT RISE OF CURTAIN— J. J. J. seated near tablr, feet on foot-rest, head back and covered with 'kerchief. Wicks up- on SOFA AND READING FROM MEMORANDUM. Wic (reading) Pagp 45. Ad- vertised in the City Hall. Arrested and paid damages. Jo The d— 1 with that. Wic Thed—1 with page 45? Jo Yes. What about the young German ? Wic Page 52. The German. Jo That s the idea; the German. Wic Page 52. German disap- peared — called at house — no house — derrick — light and fuel— inquir- ies — German sold — whereabouts un- known. Jo German sold! Wic Page 53. Farm — gas. Jo Gas! Wic Gusher. Jo Blowed up! (ijawning) I am glad of it. Wic Page 53 or 4? Jo Hold your tongue. Wic I will look it up in my memorandum. He commences to leaf his book. Enter R. Bolter, "D C." Rob Ho, ho, ha, ha! Trying to take a nap? Your pardon for coming up unannounced. Jo Eh! Is that you, Bobbie! (rises and shake hands) Delighted! Delighted! Sit down. Rob Certainly. He Xs and sits upon sofa, which Wlcks has vacated, looTcs about apartment, tests wall with hammer, and during the following tacks up a placard. Rob I dropped in, Johnny, to see how our daughter is coming around. 11 Jo (ruhVing his hands) All tsmiles and contentment, Bobbie; all smiles and contentment. Will be a picture aft«r the first grand reception — a picture. Rob To be sure. Ah, has she discovered the trick? Jo Trick, Bobbie! Rob Subterfuge? Jo Subterfwgei Rob No, no; th<* plain fact of the case. That she should have her Oerman, in time, Johnny, Trick? No. Subterfuge? No. "Fact? Cer- tainly, (seeing Wicks t I'm not your sister-in-law; I would be ashamed of myself if I was. You're a bundle of inconsistencies— ^a med- dling, tattling, rampagious bundle of inconsistencies! Leave the room, both of you! Johnstone and Bolter stare at each other. Jo Come Bobbie. Rob Come Johnny. They lock arms and cross to '"DC" Nan Hurrah, for us! {comiiui (hjirn) Come here you and hug your Aunt Bet both of Betsy! Frederick and Nannie embrace Betsy. Johnstone turns at "D C " and is so ovei> come by the sight he faints and is supported by Bolter. PI'^TXTRE. CURTAIN. AQT III TIME — The Grand Receptiox, SCENE— Same as Act II. AT RISE OF CURTAIN— Quadrille MUSIC within. Enter J. J.Johnstone, "D. C." mopping his brows. justs his sjjecks] Eh, demme, Wicks! [(Kplacard is tacked upon the fat., irhich he destroys and scat' tersj Jo Demme, and at my grand reception, [laughing u-itJiinJ There he goes again. That Gernian will be the death of me — he dances a regular country break-down, [^ui'th- in, "Su-ing!" ] Takes my daugh- ter in his arms and swings her about like the governor on an en- gine, [laughing u-itJiiuJ I'll fur- nish laughter for all the clubs in the citv. Hello, what's this. [ad- Enter "D. C." quickly Bolter excited. Rob Johnny, is there anything ridiculous about me? I just passed Mrs. Johnieby, and she exclaimed, ''Dear me," and giggled. Dear me, and giggles, that means 20 Johnstonefns'pects Bolter, Hhdsa placard, "J. J. J.''' and hands it to him. Rob One. JohnstoHC hands him another. Rob Two. Still another. Rob Tliree. Jo [produces No. 4] Wicks-. Rob Wicks, again. Jo He's got tliera dangling from the coat-tails of all the gentlemen and trailing after tlie trains of the ladies. Wliat's to be done? Rob We will discharge him. Jo Immediately. Rob [fakes J's arm] Fi-om a second-story window. Jo From the cnpixlo. Aboot to exit, B. & J, "1>.C., enter Felix,"D.L." Rob Well, my son? Fel Gov'nor, could I se e you a Moment ? Rob Excuse me, Johnny. Cer- tainly, my son. Bolter X'8 down "C." Johnstone remains at "D C." looking- out. Fel Gov'^nor, she won't dance with nie. Rob No? Fel By jore, she won't dance with anybody but the German. Fact. Rob Felix, you're an ass. Fel Y-a-a-s, Gov'nor. Rob [turning to J.] Johnny, my son brings me some sad intelli- gence. Jo Ha— I trust noif. Rob [using he rchief freely] He is completely Ijroken up. And, no wonder; my old aunt, the one with the yellow mole on her face and the odd millions in the National, has been prostrated with a fever. Jo You have my sympathy. Rob I can stand it, Johnny; but my son., (aside to Kelfx) Out with your 'kerchief, you idiot, aloud Johnny let me rest in solitude. Age finds a Irnlm in solitude, but not sO' with youth. Youth craves sympa- thy, (aside to Felix} Use your Tcerchief. edoud Your daughter, Johnny, is a sympathetic soul. She will sympathize with him. {jjusji- F. tMrards J) Take him to her — take him to her. Jo Certainly, Robbie. Come, ray boy; my daughter will sympa- thize with you. She has quite a sym- pathetic way about her — quite. My boy, come. Bobbie, I will return. Exit •^I> C" Johnstone and Felix. Rob (at "D C") That boy is certainly the most unprecedented, genius of "it" that ever wore the name of Bolter. Where are they going? Oh, yes, straight for Miss Nannie, If he don't marry that girl, I'll murder him. There's Wicks tacking another placard up- on the back of an elderly gentle- man in gold specks and lavender trusers. Wicks ought to be ham- strung. And there's Miss Betsy buzzing the Rev. Shouter. (turning and coming down ""C'J Fine wo- man, Bets}^; will get a snug little sum when J. J. shuffles off — and he has trouble with his heart now. Nannie looks in "D C." Rob Betsy is a deucedly fine woman. A little acid at times, but not a bad dose if well sugared. Why didn't I think of that before — she's just the idea for Mrs. Bolter, No. 2. Enter, waltzinpr In "D. C." Nannie. Nan Isn't that a lovely waltz. Rob Delightful, aside I won- der how she eluded Felix. Nan First couple lead to the right. All swing. Oh Gee! 21 ShcKoea through the figure with Bolter which brings him "L.." and she near table, "R." Rob My dear, I thought I saw you with Felix? Nan So you did. Rob Fm sure I did. Nan Yes, but Miss Titters took him away from me. Rob aside Dem that Miss Tit- ters! Nan Mr. Bolter, Felix is a nice young man? Rob It isn't for me to say — Fm his father. Nan Where was he brought up ? Rob Here in the city, my dear; that's why he's so polished. Nan Well, if he belonged to me I would put him out on pasture. Rob Pasture? I don't under- stand. Nan Don't you ? Then I won't explain; forFm all out of breath. Nannie Xs to sofa. Rob Would you like an ice? Nan No. aside I wish he would go. Laughs. Rob What are you laughing at, my dear? Nan (nufsterioushj) You're a sly one. • Rob Fm a what? Nan Oh, don't look innocent. Rob (tunting around) Is there another placard on my back? Nan (Jaughimi) No, no. Rob Thev why are you laugh- ing? Nan Now, don't try to crawl out of it. Rob Crawl out of it! aside I wonder what she's driving at? Nan I saw you; you were making eyes at my Aunt Betsy. Rob Eyf^s ! Nan Yes, but then she rather likes it. I heard her say so this afternoon. Rob aside What a blind old idiot I have been, aloud My dear, now what did she say? Nan She said you were an awful- ly nice man. Rob Did she, my dear? Nan aside I think he'll go prettv soon. aJoud And, and Rob Well, well! Nan That if she ever thought of getting married, you'd be just the sort of a man she'd fancy. Rob aside I didn't think the woman had such good taste, aloud You don't say so, my child? Nan No, she said so. Rob Miss Betsy? Nan Aunt Betsy. Rob aside How blind I have been. Nan She's in the conservatory. Rob In the conservatory? Nan All alone. Rob aside Here's an opportu- nity, aloud Excuse me, my dear; the atmosphere in this room is op- pressive, I think I shall cultivate the varanda for a little fresh air. Enter Wicks, "D. C," with server and Ices. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Rob Wicks, again! Bolter and Wicks exit "D. C."— crash outside of falling server and glasses. Nan (crossing to "D C." ) Poor Wicks. Anyway, I'm glad Mr. Bolter 's gone. What an old libber he is. He's going to the conserva- tory. Well, if Aunt Betsy 's there, and he tells her what I told him. G-e-e, won't he get it! {niusic with- in ) Isn' that a delightful waltz ! {waltzes about stage to sofa) And ain't I delightfully tired. Enter "D. C." Frederick. 22 Frd (Waltzing) Och gott, r/a.s 1st ous get zei(jnet\ {stops in front of Nannie) Hello, leddle Miss Johnstone! Did you ever hear such valtzes ? Nan Not half as lively as we used to have at the Forks. Frd Veil, I should say not; but then it's good enough for New York. You ought to see those peo- ple dance in yonder. All swing with the tips of their fingers, and alamand-left like dot. (bus) Veil, they can't come any thing like dot on me. Come, leddle Miss Johnstone, or we vill forget how it is done down at the Forks. First couple lead to the right! Balance all! Everybody swing! {bus) Dot's the vay we do it at the Forks. SPECIALTY— In which case. Miss Titters en- ters immediately afterwards, Frd Leddle Miss Johnstone, you look so tired? Nan Well, I am. Frd Do you van't anything? Nan No. Frq {takes her fan) Ice cream? Nan No. Frd Lemonade ? Nan No. They get their heads very close together, and a fan between them and audience. Frd Don't van't nothing? Nan Yes. Enter Miss Titters— Nan and Fred smack their lips behind fan. "Fls Oh, deah! Frd {sees Miss Titters) Och gott! Yes, dot last valtz vas lovely. Nan Who said anything about {sees Miss Titters) Yes, that last waltz was lovely. Fls Mr. Schane! Frd Oh, how you vas; T vouldn't know you vas here if T didn't see you. Fls Deah me ; do I disturb a tete- a-tete? Frd Why don't you ask him ? Fls Fm suah I do. Frd Veil, you know as much about dot as I do. Fls {looks at dancing card) I must be a silly little thing^ — — Nan aside Fm glad she knows it. Fls No, I haven't made a mis- take, you are on my card for this dance. Frd T vas on your card? Fls Y-a-a-s, I put you down for one; kind of me, wasn't it? Frd Veil, I don't know. Nan \^aside to Fred] Why don't you go with her! She's got you down. Frd Got me down! I vouldnt know dot if you didn't tole me. Fls Don t think me wude for weminding you, because Fm such a silly little thing. Frd Yes. Fls The set 's forming. Frd Veil, Fm glad to know dot. Fls aside The man is possi- tively wude. aloud Come, or, oh. deah; we will be too late. Frd You vant me to dance with you? Fls Why, oli, deah, of course I do. Frd Veil, why didn't you say so. Good bye, leddle Miss John- stone. Exit "D C," Frederick, with Miss Titters hang- ing upon his arm. Nan [folloiring them to"D ('."] Look at her, hanging on his arm. The silly thing! She's taking a fancy to him; and her taking a fancy to anybody isn't the most comfortable thing imaginable^ con- sidering the manner she follows about after Mr. Felix. T wonder if 23 anybody is coming to ask me to dance. \_Iooks at her card^ One, two. three, four. Wliy, T had Fred- erick down for this daace, and he's dancing with her. [throirs herself ujx)n sqfa^ Well, I don't care. I wish this old grand reception wii-s in kingdom-come! Enter "D R," hurriedly. Aunt Betsy. Bet I wonder where that child is. Oh, there you are. Now. what on earth are you doing sprawled out there ? Nan Meditating. Bet Stop it, and come here and look me over. Do you see anything wrong with my dress? Nannie discovers several placards and hands them to her. Nan That's all. Bet All! No wonder every body was laughing at me. I'll mui*- der Wicks when 1 catch him. Enter "D C," Wicks. Wig Page 75. Ice in there. Bet [^iHctkes a rush for Jiini^ Say, do you see these placards! Exit Wicks, and crash outside. Bet \^t]ir<)iring placards out "D. C." ] Take that for your imperti- nence! Nan Poor Wicks! Bet Poor fiddle-de-de ; I'll have him discharged in the morning. Why are you not dancing y Nan Nobody asked me. Bet Where's Frederick? Nan Dancing with Miss Titters. Bet With that abominable Miss Titters! Well, I must say I admire his taste. It's necessary, I see, for me to continually remain in sight to have 3^ou proper!}- eared for. Now, the very next young man who passes this way, will dance with you — he will, or he'll wish he had. Nan Aunt Betsy, that wouldn't be etiquette. Bet We'll see whether it is or not. Nan aside That would be just awful. I must get away from her, \^Xirt() to (fud leaning over her chair} Aunt Betsy Bet Well! Nan What do you think- Bet I don't thi]ik anything. Nan Mr. Bolter was in here a- few moments ago. Bet Mr. Bolter is here, or some other place most of his time. Nan What do you think he said? Bet Something ridiculous. Nan He said you was a deuced- ly line woman. Bet What! Nan Yes, he did. Bet Well, he's a fool. Nan And he .said — and he dropped upon his knees in front of the sofa, like this-^ (she crosses and kneels in front of sofa) He took you for the sofa, you know. Bet He took me for a sofa! I would like to see him do it again! Nan And he said my lovely Aunt Betsy. Bet He never said anything of the sort: he knows what he'd get if he did. Nan No, he said it to the sofa. He took you for the sofa, don't you understand. He said, "Betsy. I love vou better than the birds that £}■." Bet The birds that fly! Nan "And the moon that glim- mers." Bet Old Bob Bolter said that! Nan Yes. old Bob Bolter. And he reached over and got the cushion and hugged it. and said, "Betsy, we will get married in October." 24 Bet Old Bob Bolter said that! Nan" Hope I may live if he didn't. Bet Where is he! Nan" He'^s looking for you in the ball room. Bet {crossing fo"D C") Well, he will find me I And he took me for a sofa, and said we would get married in October? Nan Yes. Bet He will find me I Exit Betsy "D C ." Nan There is going to he a fuss in this house. Nannie throws herself upon sofa — enter from conserratory, "D L," Felix. Fel Ah, there you are; Fve been looking for you everywhere. Where have you been? Nan I have been looking for you. Fel By jove, quite a coincident. Nan Yes. Fel {after an embarrassinr/ pause) Do you know Nan No'. Fel We missed the last set- Nan How odd. Fel Y-a-a-s. Can I sit down ? Nan {making a place deside her on the sofa) Here? Fel Y-a-a-s, if you don't Nan Oh, I don't. Felix drops into the seat beside her. Bolter enters from "D L." Rob aside Demme, the boy 's getting on. aloud Hem! I jjeg your pardon. Miss Betsy was not in the conservatory. Nan I think she is in the library. Rob Then I will find her. Nan Yes, she said you would. Enter "D C," Wicks. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Rob Wicks, again! Exit Bolter and Wicks— saroe play. Fel How wampageous the gov^- nor is ? Nan Yes. Fel Y-a-a-s. {getting nearer her) By jove, the atmosphere in this room is becoming rather op- pressive. ,Nan Yes, it has become rather oppressive since you came in. Fel Oh, don't say that. Enter "D R," Aunt Betsy. Bet He wasn't in the ball room. Nan Wasn't he; oh, of course he wasn't. I just saw him going toward the conservatory. Bet Well, I will find him! Exit "D L," Aunt Bjtsy. Nan aside There is going to be an explosion in this house, and I know it. Fel aside I will have to pro- pose to her. Oh lud, or the gov'nor would tear me in threads if I didn't. Nan aside What good com- pany he is. aloud Ah! Fel What did you say? Nan Did you speak? Fel Y-a-a-s. aside I'll have to do it. aloud Miss Nannie, I have been thinking a great deal of you lately. I have, by jove. Nan Have you? I didn't know you could do anything like that. Fel {cmhraci)ig her) Y-a-a-s. Nan Say, where have you got your arm! Fel Don't mind a little thing- like that. Nan I don't. They stare at each other and look away from each other. Enter "D C," Frederick and Miss Titter. Fel aside Lud, what shall 1 say next? If she was like Miss Titters; but she isn't — she's a dif- ferent kind of ])ird altog-eher. Zo Frd {fo Miss Titters) Veil, I vouldn't have believed dot! Fls And, oh deah, my Felix! Frederick partly removes his coat, Fls (dra icing him out "D C") Don't; oh deah, don't let us have a scene! Fm such a silly little thing, Fm suali I couldn't endure it. You can shoot him to-morrow just as well. Oh, do come away! E.Ylt Frederick and Miss Titters. Nan {taking Felix 's arm a urn/) Don't you think you have had your arm here long enough? Fel Y-a-a-s, but don't you know Nax No. I don't. Fel But don't you see- Nan [rising] I see you are trying to be very foolish. Fel But you won't listen to me. Nan You haven't said anything. [crosses to "D B" FeJix foUowing] You will oblige me, sir, if you do not follow me. Fel Ah— Nan Good evening. Exit "D. R.," Nannie Fel [at "D R" ] I told the gov'- nor how it would be. How can a fellah make love to a girl when he doesn't love her"? The girl won't srand it. she won't — and, by jove, it is erabarassing for the fellah. I must try it again, though; I believe the gov'nor would murder me if I didn t. Exit "D.K.," Felix— Enter D. C. Frederick and Miss Titters. Frederick has his coat off. Frd Don't talk to me; I could not go back to the Forks and look my friends in the face if I didn't do it. Fls But it wasn't his fault. Poor, deah Felix. Frd Whose fault vas it! Nan- nie's? Don't you say it vas Nan- nie's! Me and her vas brought up together. There vere heaps of fel- lows who vas better looking than me; fellows as had nicer clothes than me, and had more money than me. But dot vas nothing. She say, Frederick, clas ist nix. Fls But, oh deah, she's changed. The city has spoilt her. It spoils everybody. She's always looking at him — I'm a silly little thing, but I have noticed it — and he's always looking at her. Frd You don't say so! Fls I dare say, this is not the first time, nor the twenty-first. Frd Is dot so! Fls Nor the one hundred and first time, and it isn't Felix's fault. Frd Leddle Miss Johnstone al- lowed dot one hundred and one times! \^drops ivpon sofa^ I never vould have believe(^ dot if you didn't tole me. Fls No, nor would anybody. Enter from "D R," Bolter. Rob Have you seen Miss Betsy ? Frd No, but I have seen other things dot vas worse. Rob I've been looking every- where.' Frd Then I don't wonder you didn't find her. Enter "D C," Wicks. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Rob Wicks, again ! Same play— Exit Wicks and Bolter. Fls Mr. Schane, what shall we do? Frd Veil, I'm going back to the Forks, and the rest of them can go to the d — 1 for all I care. I vish I vas gone there myself. Enter from "D L," Aunt Betsy. 26 Bet Have you seen old Bob Bolter! Fed Yes, he just vent out dot vay. IBet [Xing to "D C"— aside} He took me for a sofa, did he ! He will wish he hadn't! Eater "D C." Wicks. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Bet Wicks, look here! Same play— exit Wicks and Betsy. Fed There she goes again. [rising'] Miss Titters, I think I vill go back to my hotel. Fls [Xing to him] Don't, oh, deah; it would look just as if he had sit you out. Frd Set me out? Fls That is figuratively speak- ing. Frd What vould dot be in Ger- man}' ? Fls I don't know; but do not go to the hotel. "We must think of some mannah of revenge. Fed All I vant you to do is to hold my coat ven I see him. Fls [leaning her Jiead upon his shoulder] We have both been wronged. Oh, deah! And even if I am a silly little little thing, I feel for myself and you also. Deah me, now shall we ever endure it. Frederick looks at MissTitters, surprised. En- ter trom "D K," Nannie and ffelix. Fed It vas kind of you to say so. Fls Come, we will go into the conservatory; we will be alone there. Fed One hundred and vun times! Veil, I vill never see her again ! Fls And I will scratch Felix. Frd Good bye, leddle Miss John- stone ! Exit 'D L," Frederick and Miss Titters. Nitn- X's and looks out "D L." Fel By jove, I didn't think that of Miss Titters. Nan Was that Frederick ! Fel Y-a-a-s. Nan ''Good bye, little Miss Johnstone." I wonder what he meant by that? Fel By jove, I didn't think the city would ruin him so soon. Nan Do you think he meant it? Fel Of course. Nan If he did, he'll wish he hadn't. 'Cause why? 'Cause I will listen to what you were telling me. Fel That would please the gov' nor. Nan Come, we'll follow them. Good bye, little Miss Johnstone! Well, well, we will see! Exit "D L:, Nannie. Fel Only a German! By jove, I wouldn't have thought that of Flossy ! Exit 'D L," Felix, Enter "D C," Betsy. Bet I might as well try to catch a Jack-o-lantern as old Bob Bolter. Enter "D C," Wicks. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Rob [tvifhi)i] You scoundrel! Wicks makes hurried exit. Bet That's Bolter. [Xs and sits near table "R."] Now, I will see what he has to say for himself. Enter "D. C." Bolter. Rob [at "D C," hoicinij loir] Miss Betsy. Bet [aside and not looking up] He took me for a sofa. I mnsit not forget that. Rob [coming down "C."] She 27 don't see me; or, that is she does see rae, and don't let on — which is so much like Miss Betsy. Hem! No perceptible motion. What girlish- ness. Bet aside I will see how far he'll go. The old idiot! Rob aside I wonder if I had better propose to her standing or upon my knees, I wish I knew which slie preferred, aloud Hem! aside No motion. I think I shall do it on my knees. \^walks softly to and returns from "D C."~\ Bet aside I wonder what he's up to now? Rob aside The coast is clear. [^kyieels at Betsy's side'] Delight- ful female! Bet aside The old reprobate! aloud Why don't you call me a sofa? Rob If you prefer it. aside I am getting on. aloud Delightful sofa. Bet . aside So he did call me a sofa! Well, he'll get it! Rob Lovely girl, let me take your hand. Bet aside He will get more of my hand than he wants! Rob May I, delightful Sofa? Bet aside Sofa, again! Rob Intakes her hand — aside] t was sure she would prefer my knees, aloud Sweet Sofa, may I take it for granted, that all this girl- ishness on your part; all this sweet simplicity, all these maiden-blushes, implies — oh, can I! Bet You love me better than the birds that fly? Rob Sweet songstress! Bet You love me better than the moon that glimmers? Rob Oh, glimmering moon ! Bet And you will marry me in October? Bob Lovely girl! Bolter is making preparation to embrace ber. She rises, X's, and stares at him. Bet Bolter, you're a fool! Rob Angel ! Bet How dare you say you will marry me in October, or May, or any other time! Rob Demme, what's this! Bet And talk about me behind my back, and call me a bird, or a moon, or any other freak of nature! You monster, Til sue you for breech of promise ! Rob Oh, lord! Bet And I'm a sofa, am I ! Something you can sit down on; something you can wheel around; something you can stow away in the garret when its springs" are broken! I am a sofa, am I; with all my springs broken! I'll show you! I'll have you ousted out of the house! Rob Oh, lord! Bet Yes, and I'll Enter "D C," Wicks. Wic Page 75. Ice in there! Bet Now, Wicks, I'll attend to you! Same play. Exit "D C," Wicks and Betsy, Bolter rises, staggers to and falls heavily up- on sofa. Rob Oh lord, oh lord, oh lord ! I made a mistake; I should have proposed standing up! Oh lord! Bolter comu^ences to fan himself with the ends of his coat tails. Talking within. Rob Somebody 's coming. Oh, lord, I don't want them to see me. He stae-gers to, and draws chair behind sofn, falls upon it, and covers his face with bis 'kerchief— enter from 'D. L." Frederick and Nannie. Nan I saw you ! Frd Veil, I saw you! 28 Nan And I don't want to see you again. Frd And I never vant to see you again. I'm going back to the Forks, or to the d — 1; I don't care which. One hundred and vun times! Think of dot! I vould have believed dot of anybody but you! Nan And I didn't think it of you. You were never that way at the Forks, and you wouldn't bp that way now but your money and the city have spoilt you. Frd Spoilt me? You say dot to me, after fooling me vun hundred and vun times? [falling upon so/a] Och gott, I vish I vas dead! Nan [falling npmi chair near tahle^ I wish I was too! Bob bejflns to listen— Enter from "D. L." Felix followed by Miss Titters. Fls Deah me, I don't know why I don't, but I ought to scratch your pyes out. Fel By jove, don't talk. Don't call names. Miss Titters, I assuah you, I am not blind. Felix X'8 to Nannie. Fls Don't be wude to me, sir. Look at me. Look at my eyes. See what you've done. Frd [rising and removing his coat] Yes, look vat you've done; and ril make you wish you hadn't! Fls Oh, deah! Nan [getting hetiveen Frederick and Felix] Don't Frederick! Frd 'Cause why! Nan 'Cause why.' Fm going to show you what it is to tell fibs.' 'Cause why.' 'Cause I'm going to marry him.' [she tales Felix's hand] Fls Catch me.' Miss Titters faints in Frederick's arms, (com- edy faint,) Bolter waves his 'kerchief behind sofa. Betsy leads Wicks in "D. C," by the ear— Johnstone following-, and showering- placards over him. PI'~!TURE. CURTAIN. 29 AGT IV TIME— 9:30, p. m. PLACE — Westminister Hotel, New York. SCENE— Room 305. Door in flat, closed door "B," into Room 306. Boor ^'L," INTO sleeping apartment. Large screen 'L" NEAR flat. Fire-place, table, burning lamp upon table, two chairs, "L." Sofa with large sofa-cover, large easy chair, "L." Otherwise, comfortably furnished. AT RISE OF CURTAIN- "i?" PACKING VALISE. -Frederick discovered at table Frd Say, why don't yon go in? {fri/s to force a jxii)' of shoes info the valise) You von't? Veil, then you can stay out. {throws them upon the stage) I vunder what time it is. {looks at icatcJi) Almost 10 o'clock. And leddle Miss Jshn stone vas to be married at nine. Veil, I don't care, {savageli/ forces jyackage into valise) I don't see why I should care? I don't? I'm going back to the Forks, and I'm going to stay there. I thought I vould take led- dle Miss Johnstone back with me, and we vould climb up and down the old hills together, like we used to; and now she's gone and got mar- ried. Veil, why should I care? I don't care? I don't know Avhat she could see in dot Felix? Seems to me, I have taken an awful dislike to dot Felix. I believe if I could kill him two or three times I vould feel better, {takes up guitar and meas- ures it irith ralise) You von't go in, vill you? If I know dot, I vouldn't buy him. {to the guitar) Do you know dot leddle Miss John- stone she vas married? {seats hint- self '"L" of table) Yes, she vas married. But I don't see why we should care? If anybody vants to care let them care. We don't? {he commences to finger the guitar) I von't have nobody to talk to now but you, and you can't talk half as fast as leddle Miss Johnstone. {sings) Where is Leddle Miss Johnstone, dot 's what the hills vill say? Where is Leddle Miss Johnstone, who vas with you alway? Didn't you hear she vas married? Didn't you hear dot before? Up in the old hills, Nannie, we vill von- der together no more. Knock at "D" in flat. Frd I vonder who dot is ? Frederick commences to sing. Knock at *'D" in flat. Fed Veil, we ain't at home. Nannie looks in "D" in flat. [Note. —Nannie is in her bridal gown. A wreath of flowers in one hand, and a bridal veil in the other.] Frd {plogiug) They are coming in anyvay. Nan {crossing slowly to Fred- erick) Frederick ? Frd (same play) Dot's leddle Miss Johnston.' 30 Nan aside He doesn't hear me. Fed aside I vonder if she thinks I'm going to speak ? Nan (going closer) Frederick! Fed aside I vonder if I hadn't better say something? Nan (throwing the wreath at Frederick) Say, why don''t yon look around! Fed (rising) Oh, it's you! Nan {embarrassed) Yes, it's me. Fed Veil, I didn't know, aside She's got on her wedding gown. Veil, I don't care. Nan Arn't you going to say anything? Fed aside She vants me to congratulate her. Why shouldn't I? aJoud, I vish you may live long and die happy. Nan I don't want to live long and I don't think I shall die happy. Fed All right, you can do just as you please. Nan (pouting) If I had known you were going to treat me like this, I wouldn't have come. Fed It vas real kind of you. I suppose you come to say good bye. Veil, good bye. Some how or oth- er we became bad friends. We vill forget dot, and part good friends. Good bye. You might have brought the rest of the family with you. I vould say the same to him. Nan Him ? Fed I said him. The man you married. Nan But I havn't married any man. Fed Dot's so, I vouldn't call him a man either. Nan But I havn't married any- body. Fed Eh! (looking at his watch) It is after 10, and you vas to be married to Felix at 9 ? Nan But I changed my mind just a quarter of 9. Fed What! Nan Yes, Frederick, when pa came up and told me the parson had arrived, and I must get ready, I ran to the glass to primp a little. I looked so unhappy, and I thought may be you'd be unhappy too. So I threw on my cloak, and here I "am. Fed But I don't understand. Nan There is nothing to un- derstand about it. It is just this The wedding has been postponed. Fed Oh, your pa postponed it? Nan No, he didn't. I postponed it myself. Fed Leddle Miss Johnstone, I think I am beginning to under- stand. Ocli gott, let us be sociable! Frederick takes her hands. Nan I think it's about time. Fed You've come back to me, and we are going home to the Forks together ? Nan Well, I guess we are. Fed Back to dot leddle house? Nan Back to that little house. They embrace. Fed Och gott ! Come over here, and sit down and tell me all about it. I never vas so happy in all my life. Frederick draws her towards the sofa. Nan Neither was I. You see, Frederick, I never did intend to mar- ry him. But you made me so aw- fully angry. Don't you know, Fred- erick, when a girl loves a fellow, and she catches him with his arm around another girl, it makes her awfully angry ? Fed I vouldn't have known dot if you didn't tole me. Leddle Miss Johnstone, do you know when a fel- low loves a girl, and he catches her 31 witli another fellow^'s arm around her vun hundred and vun times, it makes him awfully angry? Nan I shouldn't wonder. We are somewhat alike, arn't we? Frd Yes, we are somewhat alike. But we vill forget dot. Nan Yes, and that is why I post- poned the wedding. I suppose it will be a great surprise to piu Loud knock at '"D" in flat. Jo {outside) Bobbie, are you sure this is the room ? Rob {ir/t/ii)i) 305. Of course it is. Nan That's pa! Frd Yes, dot's pa! Nan It won't do to have him find me here. Frd Follow me. Knock at "D" in flat. Frederick crosses to Room, "306," "D R,.' followed by Nannie, and knocks. Frd Hello, you! Noise in Room, 306, as if in crossing room, he fell over parts of his furniture. Knock at •»D." in flat. Room 306 What the d — 1 you want! Who's there! Frd Us. R. 306 Who in thunder 's us! Frd Who in thunder is us? Oh, yes. Me and my little sister. R. 306 Little sister! That's ex- cellent! -{laugJis) Has your papa cornered you! Get away from that door, Fm in bed! Jo {outside) Bobbie, break the door in! Bolter commences to try the door. Nan What shall we do ! Frd Follow me. After Frederick turning down light upon ta- ble, "R,' he and Nannie tip-toe to and g'et behind screen. Euter Bolter and Johnstone. Rob {at ''D" in fat) I am sure I heard some one talking in here. Jo {staff f/eriuf/ to and falling ujjon sofa) Bobbie, turn up the light. Rob {turns ujj lamp and dis-- covers unpacked valise) Hello, this looks as if there had been a scuffle here. Jo Oh, Bobbie, think of the dis- grace! My daughter, oh, my daugh- ter! Rob {falls upon chair near ta-- hie) And my son, oh, my son! Think of his lacerated feelings, Johnny. If he doesn't suicide, I shall be disappointed. Or, rather, I would not be surprised. My son. oh, my son! Jo It was the German. Rob He deserves tar and feath- ers. Jo He should be ham-strung! Frd Incomes from behing screen removing his coat'] Don't you think I had better throw them out ! Nan [draws him back] No. no! Jo Bobbie, look about the room and see if you can find him. Oh. my daughter! Rob Oh, my son! Woe be to that German, if I ever lay hands upon him ! ^ Frd [same jJlay] VpII, I guess I'll throw them out! Nan [same play] No, don't! Rob If he is in the room, John- ny, I will find him. [rises and glances about room] He isn't here. Ho, another door. May be, he is in there. If he is, Johnny, murder will be too good for him. Bolter crosses to "D" of Room "306," andlooks in key hole. Jo^ Too good, by far. [jyrodu- ces Nannie's note] Here is the in- strument that killed me. Nan [looking out from behind 22 scree)i'\ Poor pa, I knew it would surprise him. Jo [rm(fs] "My dear pa: Don't feel bad. TBe wedding is postponed. Your's, as ever, Nan." To tlie d— 1 with the German ! Fed \^same jiJoi/J I think I vill throw him out I Nan [^sameplayj No, don^tf Johnstone mops his brow with bis 'kerchief, rumples the note, throws it upon the stage, and grinds it under his boot heel. Bolter knocks at 308. Rob [at "D B."] Hello, you in R. 306 What the d— 1 you want! Johnstone X's to Room 306. Rob Is that you, Frederick? Jo What does he say? Crash inside as if 306 was getting up and fal- ling over his furniture, Frederick and Nan. Die tip toe to and exit "D L. R. 306 Who's there! Rob Me. R. 306 Who in thunder 's me! Is your little sister with you! Rob [loohiug at Johnstone^ Is my little sister with me! Jo No, his little sister is not with him. R. 306 Who in the d — 1 are you ! Jo I am — another fellow. R, 306 What in consternation do you want! Rob We are looking for a Ger- man by the name of Schane. R. 306 Schane! You'll find him at the morgue! Fed [at^'DU''] How's dot! Rob At the morgue ! R. 306 [tauf/hsy Yes, he killed himself last night — cut his throat. Jo Cut his throat! Rob Cut his throat ! They look at each other. Fed aside Veil, I vouldn''t have known dot if I didn't hear it.. R. 306 I wouldn' sleep in that room for a farm in Texas, [laughs J In fact, you, and you other fellow, you've gatten into the wrong room. If you are caught in there, you'll be hauled up in the morning to tes- tify. Rob Testify! Jo Testify! R. 306 Anyway, if you have the nerve to sleep in there, keep quiet, or I'll commence shooting through the pannels. Bye, bye, little sister! Frederick clo?ca "D L." Rob Oh, lord! Jo Oh, lord! • Rob We must get out of this! Jo Immediately ! They lock arms, walk rapidly to "D," in flat. Bolter is about to open door, when there is a knock from outside. They start back look at each other, and then tip-toe down 'C. Jo The officers. Rob Come to search the room. Jo What shall we do? Think for me. Knock at '"D" in flat. Bob More knocking! Hist! Here's another door. [tJiei/ tip-toe "DL"^ Locked! Jo Locked! There's a screen. Rob The first place they would look. Knock at "D" In flat. Jo Oh, lord! Rob I will get under the table. Jo But where will I get! Rob I never thought of that. [looks about] I have it. Sit down here. Bolter refers to large chair near sofa, and picks up sofa cover. Rob I'll throw this over you. 33 Johnstone sits down, and when Bolter is about to cuver him, rises quickly. Jo Oh, lord they might sit on me! Knock at "D" in flat, KoB If they do, don't say any- thing. Knock at -'D" in flat. Bolter throws the sola cover over Johnstone; X's quickly to table, turns down the light and crawls under the table. Frederick and Nannie look out "D L '' Nan Look at pa! Fbd Now's our time. Frederick followed by Nannie start towards '•D" in flat. Knock at "D." They tip-toe back to "D L." Rob aside They will surely catch Johnstone. Jo aside I hope nobody will sit on me. Door in flat opens slowly and Felix looks In. Fel The light is down, my deah; I'm afraid he's out. Jo aside Demme, I wish I was out. Rob aside That voice sounds familiar. Fls Go in, deah boy; we will wait until he comes. Enter Felix and Miss Titters. Fls Turn up the light. Fel Yes, deah girl. Felix turns up the light and places a chair for Miss » itters "R" of table. Fel Sit down here. Jo aside I wonder if he means on me! Miss T. sits "R," Felix "L" of table. Bolter looks earnestly at .Miss Titter's foot. Rob aside I think I know that foot. Fls I must be a silly little thing, for I'm all in a fluttah. It was all so unexpected. Believe me, deah boy, I thought Fd lost you. Felix lights a cigarette. Nannie and Freder- ick peep out "D L." Fel It was a narrow escape, by jove. But Miss J. had more sense than I gave her the credit of possessing. Nan [aside to Fred] I like that. Fls And you nevah loved her, deah boy,^ Fel Now, Flossy, how can you ask such wediculous questions. She was weally obnoxious to me— so coarse and vulgah, you know. Nan [irithJarge pilloa-] Don't you think I had better throw this at him! Frd No, don't; you might hit your pa. Fls Deah me, I don't undei- stand the affair at all. Rob aside The more I look at that foot, the more familiar it be- comes. Fel [pufing cif/areftej You see. Flossy, the gov'nor 's been working that silly old greeney of a Johnstone. Jo [uncorering] Did he say Johnstone ! Rob aside Johnstone! Fls Well, deah boy? Fel Well, he wanted to sacrifice me, you know, (ptiff'^) Nan {same piay) I guess I will throw it at him ! Frederick same play. Fel Sacrifice me, y-a-as. Weally, it was a brutal thing to do. But that greeny, old Johnstone, you know, has money, and the gov'nor insisted I should be sacrificed. Bru- tal wasn't it? Fls Brutal? It was barbarous! Jo aside Thed— I! Rob aside That's my son. If Johnstone heard him, I'm ruined ! S4 Fls How did you endure it, deah boy? Fel Flossy, I thought I should die. I don't mind if the gov'nor works people — it's perfectly proper, and just the fashion. Everybody 's working" the Johnstones, you know. Nan (same plaij) I think I will throw it at him! Frederick same play, Fls Gro on, deah boy. Fel Y-a-a-s. I don't mind, as I said, if the gov'nor works the John- stones, but it's weally embarrassing when he uses me for a sort of cat's- paw, you know. And so when I heard that Miss J. had flown, I thought I would come up heah and make it all wight with the German. Fls Why did you want to make it up with him, deah boy? Fel By jove, he threatened to shoot me the other day, and I wouldn't care about that, you know. Fls But if your father would find Miss Johnstone, and bring her back, what then, deah boy ? Fel By jove, I would snap my fingers under the gov'nor's nose, and expose him to the Johnstones, And Bolter reaches out from table and pinches Felix's leg-, who Jumps up and backs away from table. Fel Ah.' Fls [rises] What, deah boy? Fel [crosses to Miss T:J Hist.' There's a thing, or something, under the table! Exit Frederick and Nannie. Johnstone cov- ers up. Fls How perfectly awful ! Did it bite you? Fel Fm afraid it did. Oh, don't be frightened. I think we had bet- tah get out of heah. Fls Oh, deah, y-a-a-s. They cross to "D" in flat, are about to open it when there is a knock without. Fel By jove, what's that ! Fls {catches JwJd of Felix) Oh, deah! Another knock, Fls Felix, T wouldn't for the world be found here alone with you![ Fel Lud, what shall we do! They look helplessly at each other, Rob aside Tlie officers. If they catch Felix, I hope they will quar- ter him. Jo aside Oh, lord, I feel just as if somebody was about to sit on me. Another knock. Fel (crossing to room 306) Ah, heah 's a door! (knocls) ^ R. 306 What the d— 1 you want there! Get away from that door, or I'll shoot through the pan- nels ! Bet [at "D" in flat] Are you coming to the door! [pounds up- on door] Fel By jove, here's a screen, let us get behind that, Fls Anywhere, deah boy! They hurry to and conceal themselves behind screen. "D" in flat ttys open and Betsy looks in. Bet Wicks, come her! Wicks,' Jo It's Betsy,' Rob I wouldn't have that crea- ture find me in this position for fifty worlds,' Enter Aunt Betsy. Bet I would like to find those two old fools, and those two other idiots. Enter Wicks. Bet Wicks, turn the light up higher. "Wicks crosses to table and turns up the light 35 Bet Frederick / He's here, somewhere; I know his tricks. Find Frederick, and you have found Nan- nie. That's what I told brother-in- law. I would like to rinj^ old Bol- ter's neck for him, and that other idiotic imbecile he call his son. And I will, if I ever catch hold of them. Frederick! So, he isn't here. Well, we will wait until he comes, (she sits"B" of fable) This is a fine way to have a wedding. Here I am in my best gown and my side- curls and my what not, and here we have been bundling about in hacks and being shot up in eleva- tors ever since trying to find the bride. Wicks! Wicks has been tackine: a placard upon the screen to the discoraforture of Felix and Miss Titters. Frederick and Nannie peep out "DL." Wic Yes, ma'am. Bet Come here and sit down. Wic {2}oinfs to chair in which Johnstone is seated) Here? Frd aside Now, he's going to sit on him. Bet No, there. Wicks seats himself opposite Betsy. Bet Mr. Wicks we are going to have a wedding to-night. Wicks produces his memorandum. Johnstone uncovers. Wic Page 1111. The most fashionable affair of the season. Betsy reaches across the table, takes memo- randum and throws it back of her strikint? Johnstone, who covers quickly. Nan aside Poor pa! Bet I'm tired of your paging me. If I ever see you with that book again you know what you'll get. Wic Yes, ma am. Bet Mr. Wicks, I said there was going to be a wedding. Did you hear me? Wic Yes, ma'am — but if you will please let me get my memoran- dum ? Bet You dare to get that book; you just dare! I said, Mr. Wicks, we are going to have a wedding. Wic Yas, ma'am. Bet And if nobody else will get married, Mr. Wicks, you and I will. Rob aside Demme, she's going to propose to him ! Wic Let me look at my memo- randum? Page 99, matrimony. Bet Yes, matrimony. You're a man I think I can govern. And when I tell you to do a thing, you'll do it, or you'll wish you had. Nan aside How I pity Wicks. Frd aside He has my sympa- thy. Wic But my dear lady ? Bet My dear lady, Mr. Wicks! Now, don't come any of your senti- ment on me. Old Bob Bolter tried it once, but it didn't work. Rob aside I wonder if John- stone heard that! Bet Yes, and he called me a bird. Mr. Wicks, do I look like a bird ? Wic No, ma'am. Bet I dare say, you and I will get along nicely together. I would not marry you under any circum- stances, but I'm fixed for a wedding and there's got to be a wedding be- fore I take these things off. We will get married in the morning. Wic {dejectedly aside) The ex- ecution Avill take place at 10 p. m. Frederick and Nannie have started on tip- toes to "D ' In flat. Frd {to Nannie) Now 's our time. They make a noise opening- door. Betsy turns quickly and discovers them. Bet Well! 36 Betsy rises, crosses softly and takes them by the ears. Nan Frd Oh, g-e-e! Aunt Betsv! She leads them down "C" and looks them over. Frd Hello! Nan How 'd ye do, Aunt Betsy ! Jo divide My daughter! Bet You're a pretty pair! Where have you been. Nan We were looking for you. Bet Um! Where have you been ! Frd We vas just coming in. Bet Stuff and nonsense ! Why did you run away ! Why didn't you stay at home and get married ! Nan Changed my mind. Bet I wish I had my gad here. Fd show you a change or two, Where's your pa? Nan I don't know. Bet Where's your pa! Nan He's here. Bet Where do you mean by here ! Nan Anywhere. Bet What! Frd She means here in the ho- tel. Bet What part of the hotel! Frd Veil, I don't know. May be he vas at the bar, and may be he vas in the office, and may be he is where he vishes he vasn't. Bet We will see about that. Betsy crosses to and locks -'D" in flat. Dur- ing the above Wicks has been decorating. Frd {aside to Nannie) It look as if we were going to have a fami- ly reunion. Nan (aside to Frederick) Yes, it looks somewhat like that. Bet Now, both of you sit down. Frederick and Nannie sit together upon sofa. er. Frederick, you. sit there, and Nannie, you sit here. Betsy places Nannie upon chair occupied by Johnr-tone. Nan I don't want to sit here. Aunt Betsy. Bet You sit where I tell you. Nannie sits upon edge of chair. Betsy crosses and looks in ''D L." Frd Nannie, do you vant me to come and sit with you? Nan No, I don't think pa could stand it. Bet {to Wicks, ivho is adver- tising) Wicks stop that and come here. Get on the other side of that screen, and if anything runs out, catch it. Frd Nannie, do you think any- thing vill run out! Nan Some people might call it something, but I wouldn't. Wickb and Betsy advance slowly on either side of screen and discover Felix and Miss Tit- ters. Wicks captures Miss Titters, Aunt Betsv captures Felix. They lead them down to table. Folix ' L." Miss Titters "R..' Bet What were you doing back of that screen! Fel By jove, I was so nervous I didn't have time to find out. Fls (to Wicks) Oh, deah, Fm so fluttahed, I don't understand. Let me go, good man! Deah me, what will my friends say! Frederick and Nannie laugh. Bft Stop your laughing. Felix you sit here. Miss Titters, you sit over there. Nannie! Frederick! Stop your laughing.' Whfit on earth are you sitting on the edge of that chair for? Betsy crosses to aud picks Nannie up and drops her upon Johnstone, which removes the cover from his feet. Bet Don't 3^ou sit there togeth- Nan aside Poor pa! 37 Bet (to Fred.) Stop your laugh- ing! What ails that chair? Betsy commences to examine the chair, while Wicks takes part of Bolter for one end of the table and tries to tack a placard upon It. The end moves. Bet Those are curious feet for a chair, (she steps upon JoJin- stone's toes — they move) The man that built this chair ought to get a patent on it. (she sounds John- stone's head) Hardly solid wahiut. Nannie, have you a pin? Jo ( rising and landing Nannie upon her feet) Demme, sister-in- law, don't stick! Betsy starts back. Nan" Why, if it ain't pa! Frd Veil, I vouldn't have be- lieved dot if I didn't see him. Johnstone teels himself over. Nannie crosses to and scats herself beside Frederick. Bet You're a pretty looking spectacle ! Jo Sister-in-law, don't, I am too overcome to defend myself. Bet Why did you cover your- self up in that ridiculous fashion? Jo I don't know. I can't tell. {falling upon chair) Demme, I'm, ha — all muddled! Bet Where's the other one? Jo I don't know. Only, he's miserable too. He's a wretch — a miserable wretch! Johnstone leans back in his chair and covers his face with his 'kerchief. Betsy crosses to Wicks, who is still trying- to tuck a pla- card upon the queer end of the table to the discomforturo of Bolter. Bet T came here to straighten things out and I'm going to do it. Nan Well, I shouldn't wonder if she would. Frd It looks dot way. Bet Mr. Wicks, have you dis- covered anything? Wic Yes, ma'am. I was adver- tising upon this end of the table and it moved. BaT Where? Wic (point i}ig at Bolter's boots) Do you see anything there? Bet Boots! Wic Very much like boots. Bet They are boots. Fls (rising) Oh, deah, be careful! It bit Felix! Fel (rising) Y-a-a-s, by jove! Bet Mr. Wicks, kick under the table! Rob {coming quicklg from un- der table) Demme, don't kick! Betsy and Wicks start back. Miss T. X's to Felix. Bolter looks himself over. Freder- icks laugh heartily. Johnstone peeps out from under his kerchief. Bet It's old Bob Bolter! Rob I — yes — Bolter. Bet The less you say, the bet- ter for you. Now I want to know what all this nonsense means! Rob Ask Johnny. Jo {rising angrily) Never call me Johnny again ! Let him tell you what his son said about me. Rob aside He heard Felix! Jo Tell it, sir! Let his son tell you how he slandered my daughter! Bolter, Bolter, perfidious Bolter, never call me Johnny again ! Rob aside Fm ruined! Bet Felix, tell what you know. Johnstone reseats himself. Nannie crosses to her father. Nan Now, pa, don't let's have a fuss. Frd No, let us all live long and die happy. Nan Pa, I heard it all. We have all been in the wrong some- what, and if you will let me be a moment, I think I can patch up matters a little. Bet {seats herself ''' L" of table. Bolter "7?.") If anybody inter- rupts you, they know what they'll get. Mr. Wicks, take a seat. Wicks seats himself upo« chair near flat, and takes notes of the following in his mem- orandum, which he has recovered. 38 Nan Pa, when you brought the Forks into New York, you should have known they wouldn't work to- gether. That's where you were wrong. People who do unto others as they wish to be done by, can't ex- ist upon six o'clock dinners and lit- tle blue etiquettes. I didn't love Fe- lix and Felix didn't love me. He loves Miss Titters. It's an old say- ing, pa, ''Birds of a feather flock together." And I think Felix and Miss Titters being similar birds, should flock according. to the old saw. Bet And they shall flock. Rob I would like to see them. Bet Bolter, they will get mar- ried in the morning. And you are not invited to the wedding. I will give them away myself. Rob We will see, madam. Bet Nannie, go on. Nan Pa, I heard Felix say Mr. Bolter was working you. Jo Ha — think of it .' Working me.' Me.' The best friend he ev- er had. Rob I trust that I may Nan Don't deny it, Mr. Bolter, 'cause I heard him. He said you was working pa, and I think you was. But he didn't work yon, pa, and therefore, I don't think there is anything to be angry about. Why, don't you remember, pa, when you were both poor? He wasn't working you then. So, if I were you I would shake hands with him. Rob {rising) Eh, Johnny? Jo (rising) Eh, Bobbie. Rob (crossing and meeting John- stone down "C"' and taking his hand ) Certainly. Jo (same play) Of course. Fed Gro on, Liddle Miss John- stone. Nan And now, pa, I want to tell you, that Frederick and I have talked it over and made it all up be- tween us, and we are going, if you don't mind, back to Frd Dot leddle house. Nan Back to that little house. They embrace. Jo Bobbie, she might have done worse. \^crosses to Nannie and Fredereck^ My children, I, ah — trust you will find the little house cosy. Bet Am I to be left out of these general announcements? Mr. W. come here! Wic \_coming doum ^'C" to Bet.'\ Yes, ma'am. Bet I will soon be Mrs. Wicks; it's an outlandish name, but if any- body makes fun of it, they know what they'll get. \^Bolter langJis^ Bolter, do you remember the time you took me for a sofa? Wicks, take my hand and look happy. Frd Yes, let us all join hands and look happy. Wic [taking Betsy's hand and throwing memorandum upon staged The end.' Nan [taking her father's and Frederick's hand — sings ] In happiness we blend, For oui- story's at an end, And our wedding day is coming on the morrow. We trust we've pleased you quite, So we wish you all "good night," And dreams about our wedding day to- morrow. All join in the chorus, waltzing about stage. Frederick with Nannie. Wicks and Betsy. Felix and Flos- sy. Johnstone and Bolter. CHORUS. 39 CHORUS. All the boys vvill be there, you know! All the girls will be there, high O! There '11 be singing and dancing, There '11 be dancing and singing. All the boys will be there, you know! All the girls will be there, high O! There '11 be singing and dancing, There '11 be dancing and singing. Won't we have a jolly time, for to-mor- row 's our wedding day. SLOW CURTAIN. FINIS.