PS 3529 .M6 06 1913 Copy 1 THE OPINION SHOP OWSLEY f' II II 'l"^' ill THE OPINION SHOP HILDRIC DAVENPORT OWSLEY THE OPINION SHOP BY HILDRIC DAVENPORT OWSLEY WITH SUNDRY DECORATIONS 3Y PENRHYN STANLAWS NEW YORK BARSE & HOPKINS PUBLISHERS 75 3^M \1 3 Copyright, 1913, bt BARSE & HOPKINS ©CI.A347690 Hop and skip to Fancy's Fiddle, Hands across and down the middle. Life's about the only riddle That we shrink from giving up. Sir William Gilbert. THE OPINION SHOP Honour: — That quality which prompts a man to revenge attacks on his own women — and fails to restrain him from making attacks on other men's women. Why expect others to achieve good- ness when we ourselves can only attempt it? Had we a realization of our own ca- pacity for evil, we would have but sym- pathy for every frailty possible to hu- manity. Only those women within the confines of conventionality have freedom. The Great American Work of Fic- tion: — ''Who's Who in America." [9] The Opinion Shop A man marries a domestic woman — and is pained by her social limitations. He bestows himself upon a coquette — and is distressed by her flirtatious pro- pensities. He takes to himself a blue- stocking — and is saddened by her inabil- ity to cook. Pre-nuptial attractions are post-nuptial distractions. Talkers sow, listeners reap. Fortune: — A dilatory deity — after we are toothless she gives us nuts. Faith and Love are seven-league boots that hurry us on to Achievement. The prize candidates for what is piously designated the Holy State of Matrimony are snapped up by the rakes of both genders — they know the opposite sex. [10] The Opinion Shop Every human is encumbered with a load of vanity sufficient to crush the life out of a mastodon. Pegasus eludes most of us, but there is one steed that can't side-step us — the un- dertaker's horse. Don't look to butterflies for honey. Among demoralizing teachings the eye-for-an-eye theory of life is the most culpable — to it we are indebted for hu- manity's ignoblest conduct. Everybody loves more than anybody else. A real gratification must be very de- licious and very satisfying, yet it must leave one hungry. [II] The Opinion Shop Idyllic Garden of Eden! No neigh- bours to hoodwink; no friends to eclipse; no ''in-laws" to evade; no scandal to spread; no affinities! Picture the deadly ennui! Do you blame Eve? Sincerity is never admitted to life's dress-circle. Strange it is that the more a woman loves a man the more she resents a sim- ilar tendency on the part of any other woman! When jealousy flies in justice flies out. The Ideal Husband: — The chimerical defrayer signing cheques for the House- hold Across the Way. To refrain from doing Is often a greater task than to do. [12] ONLY THOSE WOMEN WITHIN THE CONFINES OF CONVENTIONALITY HAVE FREEDOM The Opinion Shop Is there any altruism at all in the world? One forgives one's enemies for one's own sake — hate and resentment are so very unbecoming. The Modern Courts of Love: — The divorce courts. Every man seeks his ideal woman, but heaven only knows when he finds her — he never does. The most baffling of man's tormentors are his desires. Who can tell where they come from ? Eve ate the apple because she read in the correspondence column that all fruit juices are good for the complexion. Give away your secret, and with it goes your freedom. [13] The Opinion Shop More often by his choice of lies than by truth a man reveals himself. What a fine large contempt for Society is born of an unsuccessful pursuit of it! Happiness is not meted out to the sel- fish ones who pursue it as a chief end; it is lavishly given to those who work to give it to others. Destiny: — A perverse stepmother who stuffs her fat children and starves her lean ones. Though you can satisfactorily explain yourself to yourself, it does not necessa- rily follow that you can to anyone else. A Bachelor: — The pet of many wom- en. A Husband: — The plague of one. [14] The Opinion Shop All things are within the grasp of the man of purpose. A fool's only teacher arrives too late. Her name is Consequences. All the saints have uttered beautiful platitudes on matrimony. It would be more entertaining to hear what Mephisto has to say — he has so often been a third party in the Holy State. It Is folly to resent subsequent sus- picion in an individual who has once caught you red-handed. The World's Unhappiest Citizens: — The unoccupied. Why do thorns outnumber roses? The only beings to whom we are truly related are our counterparts. Those [15] The Opinion Shop whom God hath put asunder cannot be joined together by family ties of blood, nor by legal ones of marriage. Who chases two butterflies catches neither. All men have follies. Those of the wise man are known only to himself; those of the fool to all but himself. The one certain slayer of love is all- destructive time. The key to the head is speech. The key to the heart is action. Things of which too much is not enough — money and love. Success is awarded to those who have a definite systematized scheme of work. Failure is accorded to those who seek they know not what. [i6] The Opinion Shop One half our time we spend in antici- pation — the other in regret. Latter-day taste runs to amour sou flee rather than to the pot-luck rechauffee of matrimony. Verily this is the day of rapid transit along amatory lines! The age is ram- pant for Love, Love, Love! There is never a waif in a breadline as cock-eyed for the whole wheat as are the passion- hungered for sentimental sop. When we have outlived life we all know how to live. Courtship: — The exciting curtain- raiser. Wedlock: — The exhausting play. [17] The Opinion Shop Since the ancient establishment of the useful precedent, every Adam has faith- fully availed himself of an Eve upon whom to hang the blame. Fine books, though silent, are eloquent with intellectual activity; though inani- mate, they radiate spiritual force. Matrimony is really very precarious — all women do not live to become widows. Sympathy: — Pity for others — always evoked by an appeal from our own past. Love is the oasis in the Sahara of Life. Hand-in-hand two pilgrims set out on the great journey, but as they approach their Mecca retreats — in just such meas- ure as they hasten their Paradise recedes. Love is Life's most beautiful optical illusion — its most witching chimera 1 [i8] .^% LZLq. YOUTH COMES ONLY ONCE— TO A WOMAN The Opinion Shop Experience: — The sum total of our follies. By the bewilderment of choosing from multifarious things of no value rich peo- ple overlook the real treasures of life. If you are a blue-stocking, wear an over-stocking. All revile the miser famishing while in possession of his treasure, yet how few of us grasp life now! Charity: — Giving away what you don't want. Ho for the lure of what is withheld! Our gods, our laws, our conventions say "You shan't," and a perverse and wilful humanity replies " I shall." When up the roadway of infancy tod- dles the father of the man he diligently I19] The Opinion Shop seeks the enticing mud-puddle that he may step therein with both feet. This youthful propensity does not desert him as he sets out upon the unretraceable highway of manhood. Overwhelming are the fascinations of prohibited objects; overpowering are the charms of doing all those things which he ought not to do. Locked doors, danger marks, chalk-lines, forbidden fruits, neighbours' wives, fools' paradises, and all spots where angels fear to tread are so many compelling attrac- tions beckoning his willing feet into in- eradicable mire. And because he has so often side- stepped the slipper-heel of his doting parent, he flatters himself he can elude the firm barrel-stave of implacable fate. On the heels of the red imp Sin creeps the black fury Nemesis. He is a blind man who steps between. [20] The Opinion Shop Courtship: — The appetizer. Honeymoon: — The feast. Wedlock: — The stupor. One must always laugh at one's mis- takes, otherwise one could not endure them. It is astonishing how slightly civiliza- tion has modified man's primitive pro- pensity to eat his captive! Poor human blue-bottles! We light upon the axle-tree of the chariot-wheel of Fate, strenuously beat our impotent wings — and complacently remark what a dust we raise! Take no thought as to whom you shall marry. Marry whom you please, and you shall discover you have somebody else! [21] The Opinion Shop Illusions: — The title given by cynics to the realities of life. Culture's greatest office is to deaden a man's conceit of himself and of his coun- try. Birds of a feather flock together — after they find it impossible to fly with those of more luxuriant plumage. Our Moral Hero: — Not the apathetic anamic, devoid of desire — he is our pas- sionate pilgrim red-bloodedly lustful, who covets his neighbour s ivife, and burns to transgress every law in the Deca- logue — and does not. Sin's most alluring disguise: — Love. The modern style in Double Harness is loose fitting indeed — it often accommo- dates three abreast. [22] The Opinion Shop Man's existence is an unconscious con- cealing of himself beneath the crust of conventional speech and action; and often most unknown to those who live closest to him is his silent mysterious soul with its miraculous capacity for good and evil. It is commanded that she forgive her enemies, but it is too much to expect a woman to forgive her in-laws. The envious poor have an erroneous idea of ownership. The rich realize that a man does not own his possessions — his possessions own him. How few grow their wing feathers be- fore starting out on a high flight! The only certainty in the world — un- certainty. [23] The Opinion Shop The old graceful art of leisure has passed on, and in its place we have a spirit of universal unrest possessing the souls and bodies of disturbed moderns. Leisure is hasty. Indolence is restless. We work at play in order to crowd our few spare moments. The very atmosphere throbs with ten- sion. Relaxation is antedated. This is the age of bare nerves. None know how to be idly indolent, quietly contempla- tive. There are no longer any dreamers in the sun. Those who sip many loves drink none. Pessimism induces a hunger for non- existent evils. The most conclusive proof that heaven is heaven consists in the Scripture's sol- emn assurance that there is no marrying or giving in marriage therein. [24] The Opinion Shop Men reign, women rule. As with the garden variety, so with Life's fruits. How exquisite they are be- neath red netting beyond glass windows! How green in the hand! The Eleventh Commandment: — Do it now. No man has ever been free from some phase of vanity. Lincoln's was his home- liness — as proven when he told the artist to paint him with his moles on. Love: — The peep-hole in this prison world through which we glimpse Para- dise. The whip of Discontent has raised larger welts on the back of Indolence than has any other force. [25] The Opinion Shop When lovely woman stoops to folly, Mrs. Grundy shoves her in. Hunger is humanity's dominant attri- bute. Everyday hunger necessitates food; money hunger compels work; mental hunger demands education; spiritual hunger requires religion; and the hunger of the heart claims love. The One Obsession of Masculine Man: — Himself. Most men commune with men; some with nature; a few with God; but none with themselves. The woman who believes her lover to be unlike other men understands neither the man nor the sex. Doubtless there was no Fifth Avenue in the naive age when the Ancients es- teemed beauty "the flowering of Virtue." [26] The Opinion Shop In their search for the fruit of the tree of pure love, how many have stumbled on the roots of the tree of knowledge! Religion: — A matter of geography. Think of the heavenly refreshment of having voluntary decencies instead of conventional shams! In love affairs her very constancy ulti- mately frustrates the good woman be- cause of a man's utter inability to prize a sure thing. The inconstancy of the less good woman keeps her lover in the only condition in which he can be kept indefi- nitely — guessing. Flattery: — False coin pauperizing those who accept it. Pink-shaded candle-rays illumine the wooing-time — the fierce white light that [27] The Opinion Shop beats upon thrones is not a circumstance to the after-marriage calcium glare. Thanks be to our ego we all discover sufficient inferiority in our fellows with which to keep up our personal satisfac- tion. Platonic Love: — Passion on ice. What a similitude there is between the realities of Manhood and the fancies of Childhood! In the tiny playhouse are enacted replicas of the tragedies of the Great Afterward. Who shall say that the loss of Santa Claus is not more bitter than the loss of God? The final collapse of the Toys of the Child is not more grievous than the in- evitable destruction of the Playthings of the Man. [28] WHEN LOVELY WOMAN STOOPS TO FOLLY The Opinion Shop And as for Dolls, be they Grown-ups' or Children's, they all require such a little pinprick, when lo! Slowly, surely, inexorably, the sawdust exudes — Life's Treasures are Make-Believes. Epicures taste kisses slowly. Every individual is an instrument which responds and gives forth music only to the skilled hand that understands how to play upon it. The Flirt's Purgatory: — Matrimony. Like a plant that is reared in a sunless place, duteous love is sickly. Given away that they may be returned — compliments and kisses. In the most sere and hardened hearts there are green unfading places that only the Grim Reaper can wither. [29] The Opinion Shop The Latter-day Trinity of Feminine Supplicants: — Men. money, and style. If admission were charged to view the weird and awful grandeur of a storm, to see the gloriously beautiful fireworks of nature, to hear the thrilling booming of the orchestra of the skies — who could be induced to miss it? Those who can't are always inclined. No one dare speak, much less write as he feels. Verity is nakedness of thought, and in this day of sham modesty and hypocritical decency, even thought must not be nude. Love's quicksand is deception. Things about which people talk, they don't do. Things about which they don't talk, they do. I30] The Opinion Shop Love! What is committed in that name! Sin masquerades in its habili- ments — Lust is its twin — Coquetry is its nearest of kindred — a hundred counter- feits pass current. There are two classes of men — those who have been found out and those who have not. How few mortals touch even the hem of Love's garment! It is difficult to enjoy even one's fa- vourite bonne bouche at every meal. It is hard for wives to be as appetizing as sweethearts. Uneven roads make expert drivers. Every man is equipped with conscience plus — his neighbour with conscience minus. [31] The Opinion Shop Recipe for a Kiss: — Love, to make it sacred; passion, to make it sweet; long enough to satisfy one, yet short enough to leave one hungry. A man does not pretend to be what he is. Open confession is good for the soul — but bad for the reputation. That impelling and compelling some- thing which we call energy is the one human attribute more than all others that determines individual achievement, and, more than anything else, differentiates men. As is the measure of energy so is the measure of attainment. Egotism: — A one-man census. Rather than to regret the sin, the duty of repentance is to reject the recurrence. [32] I THE MODERN WOMAN IS A SOCIAL PROBLEM The Opinion Shop Women love — men make love. Castles in Spain are the only ones from which we cannot be ejected. Eve lived too soon. She had not a fair chance. "Thou shalt not be found out" (the most impressive warning in the Decalogue) is a strictly modern inter- polation. Reputation :—r/2fl/ which does not come until it is gone. Our spirit-life is inarticulate — all the syllables of Babel are unavailing for its expression. Soul calls unto soul in music, painting, and sculpture. There are only two crimes for women — fat and age. [33] The Opinion Shop The strength of the love of a married man — yet how seldom his wife suspects it! Because she is analogous to femininity the exquisite peach is the rightful co- quette of the fruits — her warm reds and pinky yellows are voluptuous colouring, and her sensuous lusciousness is amorous- tasting. If we could only begin at the end mat- rimony would soon be a lost art. Optimists are grown-up children who cling to their naive belief in the beautiful possibility of putting salt on the tail of an uncatchable thing. Music: — All the passions articulate. Even if the Mayflower is denied a few of us, we may all claim descent from the nautical sports in the Ark. [34] The Opinion Shop Prejudice is the logic of Bigotry. Sorrows are but little black clouds in- tensifying the blue in our heaven of hap- piness. Counting the Cost: — The tragic sum in arithmetic set us by Fate. In Life's other games all players must play fair or quit. Why not in matri- mony? Your body must remain in this prison world, but your soul may dwell in Ely- sium. These are atheistic days — we have fallen upon impious times! The modern pagan is a firm and devout believer whose only unshakeable belief is in him- self. He is the gloriously splendid prod- uct of development, and when he bends [35] The Opinion Shop the knee to the god that is in him, his obeisance is the sanest homage the ages have known. Amours : — Me^i's trivialities — wom- en's tragedies. What signifies a few " crow's feet " about the eyes as long as the mind and heart remain unwrinkled ? There is a good deal laid at Cupid's door that is really the work of Bacchus. How few individualistic individuals there are in the world! The average being is somebody else. His religion is that of his family; his beliefs are those of his country; his opinions are those of his favourite authors; his words are those of his great mentor, Conventionality. His whole existence is an imitation. [36] The Opinion Shop After-a-While is a luring road leading to Not-at-All. To attain our lover's ideal of us is a greater incentive to self-betterment than any religious or ethical code. Why is it that he of the weak head is always headstrong? Women must always pretend to be un- willing — men must always pretend to be unaware of that fact. It seems such a pity that once we pos- sess things we can't keep on longing for them ! True faith follows on the heels of sin- cere scepticism. A few there be who suffer through being misunderstood. A many there be [37] The Opinion Shop who suffer much more through being understood. Though we resent illness, how seldom we relish health! A stitch in time saves a contretemps. A sense of humour is man's true pal- liator. It leavens his daily bread. It flavours the tasteless dishes with which Fate gorges him. It is armour from which the blows of antagonists glance off unheeded; and when it is clothed by wit, it is a missile with which the pos- sessor may commit more certain depre- dation than can the deft manipulator of two-edged Damascus blades. The Latter-day Book of Revelations: — The divorce records. [38] The Opinion Shop To plausibly account for our lethargy regarding fashionable foibles and im- moralities we have hit on an exceedingly euphonious excuse — Breadth of View. The cucumber is rainy-tasting, remind- ing one of breathing soft summer show- ers; it has the curious flavour of atmos- phere. Pleasure divided is pleasure multi- plied. To truly cultivate is to enable one's mind to use its own force rather than to stuff it with the achievements of others. After-Wit: — The brilliant retorts al- leged to have been made at the time. Hymen and Cupid are an ill-assorted pair. They seldom travel in double har- ness. [39] The Opinion Shop Life is comprehensible if one sees the poverty of the rich and the richness of the poor. After the honeymoon four is company — two is none. Virtue's Safeguard: — Happiness. We are not so often judged by what we have as by what we haven't. Afifection kisses with the lips; Love with the mouth. Man's treasure-house is hidden so deep in his mystic soul that none venture down but timid Love and none see but the Blind God. Snobbishness: — Recency of blood. [40] The Opinion Shop By indulging in our propensity to fraternize with our own particular kind, we remain in a softly lit nook into which never penetrates the illuminating view- point of the world's great " other half." The pity of trafficking at hymeneal quick sales counters! Humans to be picked up hurriedly and cheaply are neither all wool nor a yard wide. Temptations are easier evaded than re- sisted. Why weep at the feet of Heraclitus when you might as easily cavort about in the wake of Democritus ? Love is omnipotent. Money is only potent. Who tries his friends has none. [41] The Opinion Shop Why do we labour in this world? No- body wants the Attainable — nobody can have the Unattainable. Marriage: — Life's most speculative scheme; its most hazardous game of chance; its riskiest lottery; its daringest venture into unlit night — despite all of ivhich egotistical humans fearlessly and even complacently continue to engage in it! A shocking gourmand is passion — al- ways self-slain by gluttony. Most human hearts can no more en- compass love than a garden fountain can encircle Niagara. When powerful Circumstances con- front us in our advancement in life, the army of men divides. A small battalion of vigorous and valiant souls, heedless of [42] The Opinion Shop all detaining voices, eager to battle with Fortune, pushes on, wages victorious warfare on every obstacle, gains strength with each triumph, and finally emerges upon the glorious mountain-top of Suc- cess. The large body of vacillating weak- lings, heedful of restraining whispers, fearful to grapple with Destiny, slinks back, is overcome by every difficulty, loses vigour with each defeat, and ulti- mately retreats into the obscure valley of Mediocrity. Thus it is that Folly mistakes Limita- tion for Fate. Is the night before worth the morning after ? God makes the virgins; man, the widows; the devil, the divorcees. [43] The Opinion Shop There is nothing like the clutch of Conventionality for squeezing the breath out of Individuality. The count and the countess, of course — but the governor and the governess! What an excellent discovery that Columbus has made who finds there is a limit to the interest his personal affairs hold for his fellows ! Silence is our best medium for hy- pocrisy, deceit, and lies. With thoughts as with coins — the lit- tlest travel the most. The man of genius is a prototype who has steadfastly built himself in strict con- formity to the plan of the Great De- signer. Of necessity he must have been sufficiently strong to rise above public [44] The Opinion Shop opinion, and sufficiently brave to trans- gress all laws which mediocrity has obligingly laid down. Very sugary wines are cloying — so are overly sweet humans. A wise man will not argue though he can ; a fool cannot though he will. Small wonder that Orpheus is so re- nowned! He went to Hades to seek his wife — to be reunited to theirs, few men could be lured into heaven itself! Life's most beautiful thoughts are con- veyed to us without words. An ingredient that the recipe for genius does not demand — common sense. Courtship fastens our blinders on — wedlock snatches them off. [45] The Opinion Shop How they are to be envied whose pride is centred in a bank account; whose con- science is given over to a clergyman ; whose credulity is satisfied by tradition! Their days are the same from the passing of one sun to another — theirs is the peaceful routine of content. Policy is the best honesty. A man may rise superior to his actions but not to his principles. Sweethearts never tire of a tete-a-tete — they talk only of themselves. Novices love well ; knowers wisely. Having glimpsed nature only on can- vases, the urban gazer becomes deeply impressed with the truth and beauty of pastoral pipe-dreams as exploited in pic- ture-galleries. [46] The Opinion Shop Since we may not have what we want, we might as well want what we have. To unhorse Cupid summon Hymen. There is the time in the life of every man when he thanks God that Death is no will-o'-the-wisp. MorsLlity:— IF hat I do. Immorality: — What others do. A good reputation is the rascal's most valuable stock-in-trade. He invariably acquires it. To make his game exciting Cupid dips his dart in Stygian pools, and inoculates his victims with devilry. Otherwise, think of the deadly cloying sweetness of the sentimental business! The little god would die of ennui in a week. [47] The Opinion Shop To know the real luxury of leisure one must have laboured. The Ideal Wife: — The bit of chimer- ical imagery presiding over the Other Man's cojfee-pot. Like a creeping rose vine, Love thrives only while it clasps a support. Since you are incomprehensible to yourself, why expect to understand others ? An optimist is the victorious captive of his autocratic eye which persists in recognizing beauty everywhere — even where beauty is not. Love, the transmuter, makes a musi- cian of every lover. It sets a bird to singing in his soul. [48] The Opinion Shop Worriers squander their strength con- tending with windmills. An animal attacks its own reflection — so would man could he see his real image — but, mercifully, egotism has blinded him. 'Twould take an uncommonly brave individual to look into a mirror which he knew would faithfully portray his mind, heart and soul. Jealousy is the cruellest of all self-tor- turers. Where is the lavender in which the love-afifairs of our grandmothers lay for fifty years or so? If you would have a thing well done, get a specialist to do it for you. Ambition often springs from an ig- noble intention to outstrip others. [49J The Opinion Shop The same crime makes a criminal of a poor man and a financier of a rich one. All deserve happiness but he who thinks he does. " The honeymoon," so called because, in contrast with what follows, how sweet it was! Half a loaf is better than no leisure. All our hurts can be soothed save the cruellest ones — those caused by words. The clever woman is always just suffi- ciently clever to appreciate a man's su- perior cleverness. Even though she in- dulge in mentality to an extent to enable her to outdo him, the wise woman will not allow her lover to remotely suspect such a possibility. [50] The Opinion Shop There is a deal of tragedy in life for unfortunates who feel. Love, like murder, will out. Marriage eliminates the real fascina- tion of the game of love — uncertainty. The greatest palaverer extant — self- conceit. " Heaven help the liars " unctuously murmur the cheats. Take note of the large deed known as the Holy State! Observe the omnium gatherum! The sheep cheek by jowl with the goats! Hand-in-hand with the tired philanderer enters the curious in- genue — beside innocence stalks infamy — with youth totters age — the knower with the novice — the roue with the debutante — grave with gay — lively with severe — [51] The Opinion Shop intellectuality with illiteracy — the van- dal with the dilettante — plebeian with patrician! Despite which hands continue to be upraised at the prevalency of Divorce. Riches equip themselves with wings. Poverty is unable to afford any acceler- ating apparatus. How sadly informing it would be if humanity went about in its real self with its meannesses and weaknesses worn ex- ternally. The wise conventions be thanked that such harrowing exposure is not permitted. Illusions, like soap-bubbles, the greater and more opalescent they are, the sooner destroyed. Deserve love, and you demand it. [52] The Opinion Shop Ordinarily a woman is less dependable than a man because the school of life teaches her nothing of obligation. It is curious that well-fed men claim approval when they refrain from gorg- ing. No woman is a beauty to her maid. The conventional, orthodox, and con- servative are so because of moral leth- argy and mental indolence. They it is who strengthen the bonds of traditional superstition; chain the limbs of free liv- ing men in the fetters of a dead past; shut out the light of progress from the dark places of ignorance; deny to dry lips the cup of truth. And all because it is easier to remain in a comfortable rut than to climb the steep hill-side of inves- tigation. [53] The Opinion Shop Folly: — Wisdom's wellspring. Of all maladies love is the most in- sidious — it diseases simultaneously the mind, heart, soul, and body. A Flatterer: — A self-appointed scratcher of the itches of his fellows. First Love: — The everlasting and sa- cred flower of the heart's memory. All love affairs are unequal. The one who loves most is always controlled by the one who loves least. Conciliate enmity and gain sham es- teem. We rate ability curiously. Our own we estimate from our attempts — that of others from their achievements. [54] The Opinion Shop A woman wins men because of her beauty; women, in spite of it. To the impure all things are impure. Life: — A vaudeville introducing in quick turn short skits in tragedy, comedy, and melodrama. Embroidering ladies stitch with the priceless strands of vanishing Time. For his every desire man barters with the counterfeit coinage known as words. How seldom Love passes a life sen- tence! Confidence shattered can never be made sound. With knowledge in the head one speaks wisely. Not until it is in the blood does one act wisely. [55] The Opinion Shop An Easy Pleasant Occupation: — That of the 771 an Tiext door. A taste for reading ensures pleasurable gratification for all the listless unoccu- pied hours of life. Great souls cannot teach. Only by contact with them can lesser souls ex- pand. Our reason for being — the source of our desires — our greatest motive power — our virtue and our vice — our redeemer and destroyer — our heaven and hell — Love. Conscience: — Your oum private an- athe7natizer of the sins of others. Love is more difficult to reanimate than to create. [56] The Opinion Shop How much more appreciative they would be if husbands were only wives for a while! There are two kinds of minds, the plain and the variegated. One of the rare latter variety is sufficient to lift the curse from several generations of the former. Existence is somnambulism until love awakens us to life. The modern woman is a social prob- lem. She is intelligent, accomplished, brilliant — better equipped for a career than for matrimony. Her emancipation has made for an unrest, a vagabondage. It has crowded out the maternal instinct, and unfitted her for the use for which woman is said to have been created — to breed for and to minister to man. [57] The Opinion Shop Art is long — artists " short." The most important part of man — all but his body — has been navigating aer- ially since the beginning of time — and scant notice taken of it ! Sacrifice and service are the gifts of Love. Long-anticipated favours are dearly earned. Who is threatened is forewarned and forearmed. Turn our mental and moral inside out- side — what an indecent exposure 'twould be! Temptation masquerades as opportu- nity, and opportunity is temptation. Dif- ferentiation is possible — when it is too late, The Opinion Shop A fool is a wise man as long as he keeps silence. One happens on a Providence incar- nate a dozen times a day. With God- like complacency he sits in judgment, lays down laws, and enterprisingly goes about regulating and manipulating his fellows. A fool and his money are dearly loved. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have had a lover at all. How happy are the artless dreamers who form the joyous cult of May-Be and Might-Have-Been, and utterly ignore the false gods, What-Is and What- Was I The nightingale sings many seasons; the rose blooms but one. Youth comes only once — to a woman. [59] The Opinion Shop Wealth masks a man's virtues and ex- poses his vices. When we discover Life's gems to be paste jewels, why blame the baubles in- stead of our eyesight? Youth: — A guess; Manhood: — A promise; Old Age: — A disappointment. Death is but a couch for weary way- farers. Apology: — A ruse of the detected one to reinstate himself. By far tlie most ignominious failures are those of the poseurs who play to the galleries. Spare the rod and spoil the guiled. [60] The Opinion Shop When a good man's love fails to raise a bad woman to his level, it drags him down to hers. In order to be very broad, one must be very shallow — in spots. All hope for life, but few live. He who is a failure always blames con- ditions — even as the man who swore that if he were a hatter men would have no heads. The response a beautiful woman re- ceives from her sex — envy, hatred, mal- ice, and all uncharitableness. There is no loss but regret makes it. The greatest good to the greatest num- ber is an acceptable maxim, since, nat- urally, the greatest number is " number one." [6i] The Opinion Shop He labours who would have a beauti- ful Garden. So must he who would have a beautiful Life. Man's God-like powers and possibil- ities, and those wonderful illimitable treasures — Soul, Mind and Heart — con- stitute fertile growing-plots that are without confines or bounds. From the sturdy stem of Endeavour, in all the perfection of their glorious beauty, luminous Life-Flowers are gath- ered by the Tireless Gardener. Love, like the wind, bloweth where it listeth, and no man can tell whence it Cometh or whither it goeth. Duty: — The obligations of others. Mephisto's superior intelligence is no- where more clearly shown than by his [62] life's treasures are make-believes The Opinion Shop elaborate care in screening Conse- quences. Those who are satisfied with little knowledge have none. The pity of the conscious self-decep- tion of the heart! Desperately clinging to a vanishing love, it deliberately de- ceives itself by giving ready credence to promises that it knows to be false. The Classics: — Books to be com- mended in public and avoided in private. Amorous love exists only while unsat- isfied. As well may blind men buy pictures as old men marry young wives. Persistence in being oneself makes for commendable individuality and con- ies] The Opinion Shop demnable egotism. These two go hand- in-hand. While might is seldom right, it is sel- domer left. Of the ocean, however vast, a mouse can drink only its full — of the great eter- nity, a man can have only his little share. Excessive breadth of view is always due to optical illusion. Temperament and talent are the mas- terful man's possessions. In proportion as he controls one and cultivates the other is he great or mediocre. If one could but stand on the corner and watch oneself go by! Happiness is perched at the top of a very high ladder up which we climb one rung and fall back two. [64] The Opinion ShoD Her Face Value: — The amount a woman pays the beauty shops. What adepts in the fine art of conver- sation we should be! The world is a huge conversazione in which are daily expressed the thoughts, opinions, and be- liefs of all sorts and conditions of men. What adepts in the fine art of living we should be! The world is a huge am- phitheatre in which are daily enacted the successes, failures, the tragedies, dramas, and comedies of the lives of the entire human race. The fact that we are blunderers signi- fies that the ears that hear not and the eyes that see not flourish now as always. How a man would enjoy matrimony if it were only a sin ! The Opinion ^^^^ kjiivyj^ The evil characteristics of even your enemy cannot make his good ones any less good. For your thought spectre attendant upon you in eternity's morning after, which do you choose — regret for oppor- tunities let slip, or remorse for those grasped ? To the Fates what sight so mirth-pro- voking as the spectacle of a proud man I Confidence is the source of love's con- tent. Friendship: — Any acquaintanceship in the pursuance of which we see profit. He who has no time to care for his health is like the engineer who has no time to care for his machinery. [66] The Opinion Shop Willingly undertaken, a task is no task. Retrospection: — To the fool, pleasur- able dwelling on fancied successes. To the wise, sad lessons from acknowledged failures. Plain men are jealous of their wives; handsome men, of other men's wives. When an indulgence becomes accessi- ble it ceases to be one. If one may be permitted to judge by the frequency of human caricatures, the Great Designer has an eye for the ridic- ulous. A kindergarten of good books well as- similated is the best preparation for the school of life. [67] The Opinion Shop How easy it would be for a man to re- main in love with his wife if he had only married somebody else! Though Folly can teach Wisdom, Wisdom cannot teach Folly. As a mechanician Man has his limita- tions — his own internal running-gear continues to manipulate him. That a philanderer is ready to " settle down " is a euphemism indicating the fact that he is depleted physically and morally, and is unfitted to continue as a disciple of the popular trinity — the world, the flesh, and the devil. In con- sequence he is prepared to bestow upon some very pure woman the privilege of ministering to his debilities. The Work of the Rich and the Play of the Poor: — Self-gratification. [68] The Opinion Shop A Philosopher: — One who accepts Fate's throws with civility, and records them with complacency. The creative wizardry of a pure love can fashion a new chastity from corrup- tion itself. Envy is but the rage of inferiority. Anticipation of remote heavens here- after is scarcely fair exchange for a real- ization of the joys of living now. Respectability is a doubtful asset ac- quired at a cost out of all proportion to its value. Not until we try to uproot it do we realize how deep is our love. The Woman a Man thoroughly En- joys: — She who sits at his feet, eyes up- [69] The Opinion Shop lifted and eloquent with the expression of a fortunate cat who may actually look at a King — Who accepts his philosophies with veneration — Who receives his near- witticisms with delight — Who assents to his opinions as to those of a Daniel-come- to-judgment — Who commends his ac- tions as those of omnisciency itself. More than any other human fear your- self. Who is over-keen on his own rights is no judge of others' rights. Pleasures in profusion cease to be pleasures. He is a doomed man who presumes to traffic with his destiny. There is not a ward heeler but knows he could out-Lincoln Lincoln had he that statesman's peculiar opportunities. [70] The Opinion Shop All that signifies unchangeably is what you are. What you have been and what you have done are not now condemna- tory. As polished brass has more lustre than unpolished gold, so showy accomplish- ment outshines modest wisdom. The only irreparable poverty is that of the soul. An Autumn Rite: — The solemn laying away, amid incantations regarding econ- omy, of a man's straw hats that they may be resurrected in the Spring — and throivn away. Charm by appearing charmed. Since man must eat of the tree of the knowledge of evil, can there be any sin in an experiment? [71] The Opinion Shop There is not even a family likeness, so pity cannot be a kin to love — more likely it is merely an in-law. Pessimism notes the cost of things worthless. Optimism observes the gra- tuitousness of things priceless. Cupid makes rank perjurers of even the most truthful. By divine right of the Elysian gamey- ness of his flavour, the mushroom is the sovereign of the vegetable kingdom. His is the most distinctly distinct of the seven definite savours calculated to tickle the cultivated palate. Afternoon Teas: — Mrs. Grundy's de- vice for the propagation of scandal. It is decreed that Man may eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good [72] HOW FEW TOUCH EVEN THE HEM OF LOVIC'S GARMENT The Opinion Shop and Evil. It is a curious fact that only the latter variety successfully tempts his palate. Continual tasting and sipping, politely called experimentation, induce appetite for his own especial gratifica- tions. And though, when he enters the Garden of Pleasure, a man is an Epicure, when he leaves he is a Gourmand. Conscientious truth-tellers do vastly more harm than forbearing and generous liars. Man clamours for, creates, controls the Magdalen — and then condemns her. 'Tis true that experience pays us a vast profit — but is that fair exchange for lost illusions ? To Impossibility is due the preserva- tion of much honour. [73] The Opinion Shop The ancient and time-honoured custom of reserving the best till the last orig- inated in the Garden of Eden, when the First Giver bestowed last upon the first man His best gift — Woman. Books and paintings are very Com- panionable Immortals. Man's greatest prodigality is of his most precious possession — Time. In so-called love affairs the standards of the sexes are at widest variance. Or- dinarily a man's conduct is guided by ethics; a woman's, by a consideration of what course will give her the greatest personal satisfaction. Her condonation of any wrong he may commit is in striking contrast to his con- tention that she must embody the true, the good, the beautiful. He, though it torture him, will cast [74] The Opinion Shop aside the erring woman whom he loves. She, though it affront her vanity, and in- jure her self-esteem, will cherish her guilty lover, because of her pleasurable gratification in him. Woman idealizes love, man idealizes woman. Small talk is a ruse to hide mental de- ficiency. The great glory of our life is the poten- tiality of all desirable things. Only to-day is mine; to-morrow is Fate's. Twas a shocking expose of the rascal- ity in fruit when the first apple ruined the first pair ! To-morrow: — The day upon which we overtake happiness, meet a truthful hu- [75] The Opinion Shop man, find a faithful friend; the day when the lazy labourer and the fools reflect. Considering that faces are bulletin boards, it is astonishing how often we are misread. Love at first sight is minus second sight. Speaking of wives — though a man must perforce take unto himself a gen- eral utility nag, it does not follow that he ceases to appreciate the points, or to covet the possession of speeders and high- steppers. Duty dissuades inclination only when inclination is slight. Subtle humans are like crabs. Who knows whether they are coming or going? [76] The Opinion Shop The bold manipulator of a small brain is judged to be more learned than the modest possessor of a large one. The Heart's Religion: — Love. Some rare beauties have a quality of expression that may be called linguistic. Its loveliness is so easily translated, and its spirituality so universally recognized, that it ravishes the eyes of people of every country, class, and condition. Ah, the brief and unctuous self-confi- dence of the few who have not yet been found out! Many a gratification is to be had by utilizing a bad reputation. Too many broths spoil the cook. Over Man's head are the occupiers of the world's upstairs — The Powers that [77] The Opinion Shop Be. Whether these Deities are fates or furies, angels or demons, gods or devils, we are quite unaware. However, that they in their Omnipotency may snuff us out over-night, we are quite well aware. Despite this observe us! We prance with cock-sure strut; we lift up our voices raucously; we flaunt ourselves generally! Mark you, we are but vainglorious Ban- tams deliberately tempting Hawks. Love tastes, Lust devours. Wit: — The illuminating shaft of light- ning that flashes from the sky of wisdom. Human aptitude was not long in show- ing itself — our first parents were not slow in finding the apple. We get what we want if we want it enough. [78] The Opinion Shop Hobby-horses unseat us more disas- trously than does the animate species. The Essence of Love: — Passion. The fool is made by nature, the bore by himself, the philanderer by women. By the extent of his belief in the uni- versality of stupidity a man's own stu- pidity can best be judged. Hymen: — The large severe god so often mistaken for the little lively one. If we could only lift up the lid in peo- ple's heads and watch the wheels go round! Disgraced persons are those who are indiscreet in the management of their foibles. [79] The Opinion Shop A woman does not relinquish one man until she secures another. Strip a man of the conventional dom- ino in which he masquerades through life, and he will be as unrecognizable to himself as to his friends. Until a lover possesses he is a slave; after, he is a despot. Repentance: — A loud, eloquent prayer that we side-step justice. The iniquity peculiar to two is always expiated by one — the woman. What a gratifying process it is to turn our magnifying glasses on the frailties of our neighbour! Our firmness is shown as his obstinacy; our justice, his revenge; our caution, his cowardice; our self-re- spect, his pride; our economy, his parsi- [80] The Opinion Shop mony; our wit, his malice; our fancies, his falsehoods; our suggestions, his sus- picions. Strange metamorphosis — our virtues are his vices! Leap before you look or you won't dare leap at all. Flattery, so often accepted as the ver- dict of discernment, is more frequently the conversational refuge of dullness. Unrepentant man has three equally joyous periods of his gratification — an- ticipation, realization, and retrospection. If you lack appreciation of the garden variety of humans, try to love an exotic. The experiment will make you wiser, also sadder. It is very curious that vice is affected by so many poseurs. [8i] The Opinion Shop The fine art of the gourmet has created a vast and mighty horde of devout dis- ciples of gastronomy. To them a per- fectly appointed table is alluring indoor scenery which appeals more loudly and is accorded more response than is the most exquisitely aesthetic bit of nature. It is odd that we refer to it as the virgin forest when it harbours so many fallen trees. Ants have nothing to fear from hawks. Why not look at your life-mate as at any other bargain in which you have foolishly indulged yourself? Try to keep your attention riveted upon any slight good qualities, and in this way you may overlook the flaws. No runner can win unless he tries, no matter how swift he may be. [82] The Opinion Shop The antecedents of the artists were Phoebus the colourist, and Luna the sculptor moon-goddess. Phoebus, from his magic palette, gilds ruddy day with fleeting tints alike befit- ting the wing of the butterfly and the Venetian sunset. Luna, with her fairy chisel, creates night's mystic forms, and with her wan moonbeams bathes the world in lights and shadows alike enhancing the loveli- ness of the rose and the majesty of the mountain. The true perception of these wondrous beauty-miracles exists only in the soul of artistic genius. Vanity: — A strong weakling which everything injures and nothing kills. The less one knows how the better one loves. [83] The Opinion Shop How few people have an inner holy of holies, or, having one, ever enter in! Even the fool is important three times in his life — when he is born, when he marries, and when he dies. A man must not be held guiltless be- cause he has resisted temptations which have no lure for him. He is to be com- mended only after he has been tempted numerously and variously by those par- ticular evils that make direct appeal to his peculiar weaknesses. Heaven on Earth: — Reciprocal love. The monied fool has a flatteringly long waiting list of friends. Faith, honour, love, and all life's precious treasures are Humpty Dumptys — once they have a great fall, all the [84] The Opinion Shop King's horses and all the King's men can- not put them together again. Who can take a truthful inventory of himself? Youth, like the angels, we entertain unawares; after it is gone we know we have had it. Kisses: — Duty's are time-saving, the light butterfly variety. Passions are time-obliterating, leisurely, long-drawn- out, they only begin and end with the lips. More to escape intimacy with himself than for the love of his fellows a man seeks companionship. When Mephisto's records begin to lack spice, he orders some beautiful women to be created. [85] The Opinion Shop Love's Nutriment: — Abstinence. The ecstatic Springtide incites an amazingly vital emotional response in us. We feel it where we live. It gets into our blood. It is a race-memory which always intoxicates us. The first Spring and the first Man! He knew nothing of the seasons, nor of what horror might follow on the heels of his first dark, dismaying Winter. The sun grew cold, the night long. The earth was stricken barren, and all vegetation passed away. Then, unexpected, the primordial April dawned ! The air grew warm; the daylight lingered. Sap ran in the dry trees; grass sprang green, and flowers budded. The remembrance of that primitive human rejoicing and that sublime first festival of Nature shall always live in the soul of man. [86] The Opinion Shop There is a tomb in each man's being in which he lays away his dead — his hopes and illusions, and, saddest of all, his youth. Logic enables men to theorize about things. Intuition enables women to know about things. The grub who fancies himself a butter- fly exploits his limitations at the first flight. Women's Fates: — Men. Women's Misfortunes: — Other Men. Not until life's cashing-in time comes does man regret or cease the prodigality with which he ventures his chips. For growth trees must have space, and souls must have seclusion. [87] The Opinion Shop How foolish we all seem to one an- other ! The men to the women; the women to the men ; the old to the young; the young to the old; the children to the grown-ups — and, most of all, the grown- ups to the children ! Human experience tells us that the Great Highway of Life is a cul-de-sac; Hope optimistically differs and insinu- ates that there is a tiny opening, just suf- ficiently large for man's soul to escape into the Beyond. But human experience knows nothing of a Beyond — all that it recognizes as real and concrete is the Great Highway and the Great Highway- man — Death. So, then, is it not the part of wisdom to empty your coffers into your life, in- dulge yourself, ease the inevitable tra- vail, and filch the joys of living with the [88] The Opinion Shop greater zest because they are snatched from the irresistible Assassin? Eat, drink, and be merry — Apres mot, le deluge! Coquetry is the caricature of love. On the site of the Delectable Isle of To-morrow, Hope builds our Chateaux en Espagne. Blessed be Hope — she makes us all Utopians. In the game of hide and seek known as Love, the proper procedure is seek be- fore marriage, and hide after. Temptation is the pleasurable antici- pation that is proverbially greater than the realization. Indiscriminate truth-tellers are shock- ingly lacking in imagination. Marry at leisure and repent in haste. [89I The Opinion Shop We have tender sympathy for distorted bodies, but for minds and hearts marred in the making we display an inhuman antipathy. Our Clergy's Favourite Game of Chance : — Marriage. After a decade or two of nimble hop, skip, and jump to Fate's Fiddle, we Marionettes are inclined to question the theory of Self Government. A good man is not necessarily a Good Fellow. The Twin Attendants of Success: — Intuition and Attention. Love is a germ of the germs destruc- tive. Its Metchnikoff is Matrimony. Pearls are the souls of dead Fairies. [90] The Opinion Shop We are no more born into the world with balanced interiors than with bal- anced exteriors. Symmetrical souls are as rare as Grecian noses. Among women imitation is the sin- cerest form of envy. The Constant Lovers there be! The constantly loving rather than the loving constantly variety — once out of love they must needs fall in ! The astonishing prevalency of these Deuterogamists proves the persistency of the triumph of Hope over Experience. In obstreperous youth one beats one's head against stout walls. In acquiescent Middle Age one is a Necessitarian. The sodden desperation of a dull mar- riage ! Two Micawbers heavily waiting for something — or somebody — to turn up. [91] The Opinion Shop Now-a-days Marriage is a reasonably sure stepping-stone to divorce. Close the door to non-essentials — otherwise essentials cannot enter. All ye who are heavy laden pray to your especial Joss for the large sense of humour that induces you to laugh at the momentarily tragical phases in the far- cical play we call Life. The rank and file of humanity belong to the Ancient Order of Put-It-Off. They are utterly ousted by a small su- perior known as Do-It-Now. Love and marriage are obviously two very dififerent things — yet the credulous are constantly confusing them. Women who fascinate men are invari- ably looked on with suspicion by women who fail to fascinate men. [92] The Opinion Shop Huckleberry Finn has great vogue now-a-days. His simple cult teaches how delightful it is comfortably to sin with the uncertainty of being damned, and how futile it is to miserably remain virtuous with the certainty of suffering. A woman never truly adores until she gives all — a man never truly adores after. Think of the glorious Inexhaustibility of the greatest thing in the world — Hap- piness ! The more you give the more you have. It is quite as well that we are misun- derstood. It saves us the necessity of in- venting excuses. The real danger of discussion is not the probability of convincing your opponent — it is the possibility of convincing your- self. [93] The Opinion Shop This decade has brought us many catchwords — true signs of the times. We have Soul-Mates, Affinities, Alienators, Co-respondents. We are regarded with the normality of abnormality, and the abnormality of normality. Tempera- ment is a threat — when not a promise. We have the over-sexed and the under- sexed, the erotic and the neurotic. All Types pro Tem. — yet no latter day amorous chronicle would be complete without them. To save yourself from your punish- ment is not to save yourself from your sin. Our desires are premonitions of our tendencies. We all have faculties and powers; Mediocrity neglects them. Superiority tends them. [94] JUH \2 1813 iLS,?"^ °^ CONGRESS 018 378 016 5