TSDENISON & COMPANY PUBIISHERJ CHICAGO DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lar^e Catalogue Free. Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. DRAMAS. COMEDIES, ENTER- TAIISMENTS, Etc. M. F. After the Game, 2 acts, 1]4. hrs (25c) 1 9 All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 5 5 American Hustler, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 7 4 Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs... 4 5 Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2%. hrs.- (25c) 7 3 Brother Tosiah, 3 acts, 2 h.(25c) 7 4 Busy Liar, 3 acts, 21^ hrs. (25c) 7 4 Caste, 3 acta, 2i/2 hra 5 3 Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 Cricket an the Hearth, '3 acts, n4 hrs 7 8 Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 2i4 hrs (25c) 6 4 Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2J^ hrs. (25c) , 8 4 East Lynne, 5 acts, 2^ hrs.... 8 7 Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c)10 Elma, 1 M hrs (25c) Optnl. Enchanted Wood, l^h.(SSc) Optnl. Eulalia, 1^ hrs (25c) Optnl. Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 4 4 From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 acts, 2iX hrs .• (r^c) 6 2 Fun on the Podunk Limited, iVz hrs (25c) 9 14 Uandy Andy (Irish) , 2 acts, 1 ^ h. 8 2 Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 8 4 High School Freshman, 3 acts, 2 h (25c) 12 Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 13 4 Iron "Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. .(25c) 5 4 It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 acts, IH hrs (25c) 4 3 Jayville Junction, 1 '/^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 2y2 hrs (25c) 7 5 Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 acts, 214 hrs ..(25c) 6 12 Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2yi hrs. (25c) 7 4 Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 Lonely ville Social Club, 3 acts, P/4 hrs (25c) 10 M. F. Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 Alan from Borneo. 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 5 2 Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 9 5 Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 3 acts, 2 hrs ■. . . 5 3 Odds with the Enemj', 4 acts, 1 H hrs ; 7 4 Old Maid's Club, 15^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 114 hrs (25c) 12 9 Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1%. hrs. 5 .2 On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 2j^ hrs .(25c) 10 4 Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1 34 hrs. . 6 5 Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 J-:i hrs. 7 3 Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2^/2 h. 8 3 j Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 1^ hrs.. -7 2 Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min...; 2 2 Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 acts, 2 hrs 7 4 Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 6 4 Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs 8 3 Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2}4 hrs (25c) 7 4 Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. .(25c) 6 4 Trip to Storyland, lH hrs. (25c) 17 23 Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2i^ hrs (25c) 7 3 Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 FARCES. COMEDIETTAS. Etc. April Fools,* 30 min 3 Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 35 min 11 Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 Borrowing Trouble. 20 min.... 3 5 Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 Cabman No, 93, 40 min 2 2 Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 Country Justice. 15 min 8 Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago BUSINESS IS BUSINESS A COMEDY BY HARRY L. NEWTON h AUTHOR OF 'Breakfast Food for Two," "A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy,'' "The Coming: Champion," "The Coontown Thirteen Club," "The Corner Drug Store," "The Counterfeit Bills," "A Dutch Cocktail," " Five Minutes from Yell College," "The Heiress of Hoetown," "The Little Red School House,^^ "Laughlatid, Via the Ha Ha Route," "Marriage and After," " Oshkosh Next Week," " The Pooh Bah of Peacetown," "The Rest Cure," "Si and I," "A Sunny Son of Italy," " The Troubles of Rozinski," " Two Jay Detectives," "Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville" and "When the Circus Came to Town." CHICAGO T. S. DENISON & COMPANY Publishers -.^ BUSINESS IS BUSINESS ^ "a^^ f.^.' CHARACTERS. Jacob Lowenstein A Cloak Merchant JiMMiE Brooks His Bookkeeper Madge Clay His Stenographer The action of the play transpires in Lowenstein's office during baseball season. Place — Nciv York. Time — Early Afternoon, this Summer. Time of Playing — Thirty Minutes. Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. COPYRIGHT_, 1912, BY EBEN II. NORRIS. TMPS6-GC7C32 ©GID 3019B BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 3 CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. Jacob Lowenstein is not a burlesque on the Hebrew race. He is an Americanized Jew, speaking with a sHght accent. He should appear to be about 40 years of age, is smoothly shaven, with nose built up prominently ; wears a wig of dark curly hair and a neat business suit. He is proud of the name Lowenstein and of his cloak business and must show it above everything. Jimmy is a youth of about 20, chock full of vim and dash. He is madly in love with Madge and baseball. Dresses in a light suit and straw hat. Madge is young and pretty. Wears a neat shirt waist and ankle length skirt. Should be lively but not "flip" and in the proposal scene with Lowenstein shows that she feels for him but that her heart belongs to Jimmy. PROPERTIES. Desk, telephone, ink, pens, pencils, letters, one or two account books and other articles generally found on an oflice desk. Typewriter, paper, pad, pencil, etc., for Madge's desk. Cigarettes and newspaper with colored sporting page for Jimmie. Hand mirror and powder chamois for Madge. Cigar for Lowenstein. Oflice clock on flat R. C. STAGE SETTING. — I Door I Clock *- \ Coat Tree _L Chair Door ^®°'' Typewriter's! 1 Desk I ' O Chair Desk I ] o Chair | [ Table STAGE DIRECTIONS. R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- ter; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; 1 E., first entrance ; U . E., upper entrance, etc. ; D. F., door in flat or scene running across the back of the stage ; 1 C, first grooves, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. BUSINESS IS BUSINESS Scene: Jacob Lovvenstein's private office. Box set in 3. Doors C. R. and L. Doors R and L. backed with inte- riors. Stenographer's desk zvith typezvriter, L. C, opposite L. door. Library table with books and papers, C. Flat- topped desk with swivel chair, ^esk phone and extra chair. Coat tree R. of C. door. Oifice clock on flat R. C. See Scene Plot for stage setting. Curtain rises to ringing of tele-phone bell, which subsides after two or three full rings. Enter Jimmy_, door C, zvith hands in coat pockets, hat pulled savagely over his eyes and cigarette in mouth. Removes hat and conceals cigarette be- hind his back, implying that he is taking an unwonted lib- erty. After a cautious glance around the room which seems to satisfy him that he is alone, he replaces hat and puffs cigarette vigorously, exhaling disgruntled cloud of smoke. Goes down to table C, straddling one corner; picks tip early edition of afternoon nezvspaper, turns hurriedly oz'cr to the sporting pages, reads for a moment and slams it down in disgust. As an aftertJwught but zvith evident ill feeling he picks up the paper and folds it carefully. Rises, jabs his hands down deep into trouser pockets and zvalks tozvard door, L. His zvJiole attitude must convey a grouch. Door, C, opens and Madge enters. She looks at the dejected Jimmy apparently in no hurry to speak to him and zvalks dozvn to hat tree, R. C. Business of removing hat and coat. She crosses over to her desk^ L. C, opens drawer, takes out hand mirror and pozvder chamois. Turning tozvard audience with business of pozvdering face. She replaces the outfit-, shuts drazver decisively and says cheerily : Madge. Well, ]\Ir. Grouch, what's the trouble? (Jimmy turns to face her and removes hat.) And on such a beau- tiful day, too. 4 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 5 Jimmy. Yes, that's just the trouble. (Crosses back to table.) This weather is for ball playing, not keeping books. (Picks up paper.) Do you know who pitches today? Madge (innocently). Certainly. (Names prominent base- ball manager.) Jimmy. No. (Names some famous pitcher.) In jim- dandy form, too, and I've got to slave over those darn books. I tell you, it's a shame. Madge. Why don't you get off, then? Jimmy. I did have my nerve up to ask Lowenstein, but of course (zvaving hand at desk, R. C.) he's out. Now when he comes in I won't dare. (Disgustedly.) All he knows about sport is auction pinochle ! Madge. Business is business with him. Jimmy. I should say it was. Lowenstein! Could you imagine of anything but business with a name like that ! Madge. Oh, cheer up, Jimmy. (Sitting down at desk and putting copy paper in machine.) Besides I've got loads of letters and Mr. Lowenstein won't like it if Lm behind in my work. Jimmy. Say, Madge, you're mighty anxious to please Lowenstein, aren't you? I wish you had as much regard for me. (Grandly.) You know you can't keep me jumping through hoops forever. Madge (looking at clock). You'd better run along like a good boy. He'll be back from lunch any minute now. Jimmy. Well, what if he will? What do I care? It's you, Madge, first, last and always with me. Who cares for him ? Lowenstein ! Lowenstein (off stage). Don't ship those goods till I tell you. I think he owes a balance yet from last year. Wait until I look him up. At sound of Lowenstein's 7'oice Jimmy does comedy sneak through door, L. Madge operates machine vigor- ously. Then enter Lowenstein door, C, briskly. He comes down to hat tree, R. C. During speech he removes hat and changes coat for oifice coat. Lowenstein. I will never go out to lunch with Morris 6 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS again. We shake for the kmch — I lose. After lunch we shake for the cigars — Morris wins. When it comes to gam- bling I'm a lobster. {To IMadge.) Anybody been in? Madge {absent mindedly). Yes — Jimmy. LowENSTEiN {surprised). What? Madge {confusedly). Oh, no; nobody, sir. LowENSTEiN {sitting down at desk and picking up scat- tered letters). Any telegrams? Madge. No, sir. LowENSTEiN. Any telephones? Madge. No, sir. LowENSTEiN. Any word from Wolf? Madge. No, sir; not as yet. {Resumes typewriting.) LowENSTEiN {meditatively). Um — m — m! I vonder if Morris was kiddin' me when he said he was going to land Wolf's order? IMorris maybe can skin me with dice, but he can't do it when it comes to business. Let's see ; $4,000 worth of cloaks ; that's $2,000 profit, at least. {Slowly, and figuring zvith pencil on paper.) I don't believe it that ^lorris will get it away from me, either. {To Madge, suddenly.) You was certain there was nothing from Wolf, eh? Madge {startled). No, nothing at all, sir. {Pounds on machine.) LowENSTEiN {scratching hand with pencil, reflectively) .. Um — m — m ! I bet you I gotta take that feller out to lunch yet before I clinch that order. That's more clean profit gone. {Telephone bell rings. Lowenstein reaches for it eagerly.) Aha! That's the sucker now. {Receiver to ear, calls:) Yes, yes; sure. This is Lowenstein! No, no; Low- enstein, I said. {Spells it.) L-o-w-e-n-s-t-e-i-n. What? O'Brien? Say, you got it the wrong number. {Hangs up receiver, disgustedly. ) O'Brien ! (Picks up cigar, takes a couple of puffs and stares fixedly at Madge the while. Aside.) A fine girl that — and a fine worker. For a long time now I've been watchin' her and I pretty near come to the conclusions I am going to ask her to be my wife. She should make a good wife. {Looks all about to see if he is observed.) I am goin' to find out if I love her and she BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 7 oves me. {Lays down cigar, then calls suddenly.) Miss ]^lay, take a letter, please. (Madge rises, picks up pencil nd pad, crosses to his desk and sits down ready for dic- ation. LowENSTEiN, dictating). Rosenheimer, Stern, saacs, Lewinson, Meyers & Co., Chicago. Gentlemen : Gazes longingly at Madge's right hand. Abstractedly.) Vhat a nice white hand you got. Madge {indignantly). Sir! LowENSTEiN. Oh, I mean short hand. (Smiles, proud of is slyness.) Madge (appeased). Yes, sir. LowENSTEiN (dictating). Gentlemen: I am sending to- lay your order F. O. B. How is business? Everything I rust will, be O. K. Is business good? You will find the arments O. K. in every respect, except that some are lightly moth-eaten, a few are shop-worn and the other alf is damaged by water. Otherwise they are as guaran- eed — perfect. I trust that business is good with you. business is good with me. Yours for business. Jacob ^owenstein. Madge. Is that all? LOWENSTEIN (nervously). Yes — no; there is something Ise yet. (Toying with pencil, ill at ease.) Umm m! low is business in the store yet? Jimmy (ojf stage, sings:) "Baseball, baseball, hear verybody rooting for their nine." (Then stops suddenly nd e.vclaiins disgustedly.) Oh, rats! (Then noise of a ?dger being slammed upon desk.) LOWENSTEIN {looking in direction of noise). What the -what's the matter? Madge (half laughingly). Oh, that's only Jimmy. You now he's a fan, Mr. Lowenstein. LOWENSTEIN. A fan? What is it, a fan? Madge. A fan, so Jimmy says, is a person who is per- ectly willing at any and all times to exchange his meal icket for a rain check. Lowenstein (puzzled). A rain check? Madge (resignedly explaining). Yes. You see Jimmy 5 just crazy over baseball — 8 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS LowENSTEiN (sprijigiug to Jiis feet). What! Baseball in business hours? Madge (startled). Yes, sir — but Jimmy thinks the other way, sir. He says it is business in baseball hours. Besides, he — he wants very much to go to the — the game today. LowENSTEiN (dropping back in his chair and staring at her in amazement). Jimmy — what? He wants to go to the — (stops, overcome.) Madge (half crying). I'm — I'm sorry, sir. LowENSTEiN. I shall have to talk to him. He's a loafer ! Madge (half rising). Is that all, sir? LowENSTEiN. Yes — that's all; no, wait. (Tenderly.) I think there is something else, too. (Madge sinks into her chair again, ivondcringly, and he continues'.) Miss Clay, I have been watching you for a long time yet now — and I have been thinking about you when I got home at night. (She attempts to interrupt, hut he silences her zvith a ges- ture and continues.) Madge, whenever I see a new style cloak I see you in it. Whenever I write a check I see your face in the figures. Now, I ain't no love maker maybe — I'm a business man, so you must excuse me if I don't take up too much time in business hours with something outside of business. Now, I have decided, after deliberate conclusions, to make you my wife. (Proudly.) Mrs. Lowenstein. (Smiles and rubs his hands together.) Madge (rising slowly and backing away from him, sur- prise shozving in her face and manner). Why, Mr. Lowen- stein. This is — Lowenstein (interrupting). A surprise? Sure, I sup- pose so. Everybody thinks I am business, all busmess, noth- ing else but business. Morris thinks so, too ; but Morris don't know what lays here. (Puts one hand on his heart.) I'm — I'm tired of being alone. Alone all the time — alone ! I want a partner. (With deep feeling.) I want you, Madge. I want you to be Mrs. Lowenstein. (Repeats name proudly.) Mrs. Lowenstein! (Then with sudden recovery as though ashamed of sentiment he reaches in a business like manner for the letters on his desk.) Well, what is it? Yes or no? Business is business ! BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 9 Madge (trying to spare his feelings and sparring for delay.) Mr. Lowenstein, this is so sudden, you know. A little time — Lowenstein (quickly). Sure. Thirty days. Five off for cash. (Noticing Jiis mistake adds quickly). No, no; I mean think it over. (Slowly and tenderly.) And think it over — right ! (Telephone rings, Lowenstein reaches for it, appar- ently forgetting Madge, who stands with head bozved, hardly knowing whether or not to go.) Lowenstein (with receiver to ear, calls:) Hello! hello! Yes. What? Oh, that shipment for Weber, Goldman & Company? Yes, sure. I shall be right down. (Puts up re- ceiver, rises, goes to door, R., and upon reaching it he turns, gases fondly at Madge, sighs and exclaims rapturously.) Mrs. Lowenstein! (Exit.) Madge (looking after him an instant before speaking). And I never knew it was in him before, either! (Giz'es a little shiver.) Goodness! Mrs. Lowenstein! How could I ever be that! (Sighs.) What am I ever to do now? I sup- pose he will make my life miserable until I do consent to be — (shivers again) Mrs. Lowenstein. (Half laughing and crying.) Oh, I wonder what Jimmy would say if he knew. (Crosses to typewriting desk.) Door, L., opens cautiously and Jimmy puts head in. Jimmy. Hist! Boss gone? Madge (nodding head vigorously). Uh — huh! He's gone, but he'll be back — to see you about baseball. Jimmy (coming dozvn and seating himself in a lazy atti- tude on her desk). Oh, I ain't afraid of him. But believe me, between you and baseball, I sure can't do a lick of work. Madge (innocently). Me? Jimmy. Yes — you know what I mean, Madge. How often do I have to tell you that I love you and want you to pick out a janitor right awav quick, eh? 10 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS Madge (shyly). Oh, Jimmy! You musn't. Jimmy. Mustn't I? Well, I will say it. I love you, I love you, I love you ! ! ! There ! Three times I said it — real, loud. Madge (earnestly). But are you real sure you mean it, Jimmy? Jimmy. You know it. Madge (looking about in mysterious manner). Jimmy, there's something happened today — (suddenly). Jimmy, would you be willing to do anything for me — anything? (JVith deep conTiction.) The man I marry must! Jimmy (quickly). Sure I would. Madge. Anything in the whole wide world without ask- ing questions? Jimmy. You bet! Madge (rising and taking him by one arm and speaking very earnestly). Then listen, Jimmy. Jimmy. With both ears! Madge. (As she delivers the following speech Jimmy follozvs her closely, repeating eagerly after her the last zvords of each point. For instance, "Door zvill open," 'Sealed package," "Diamond snake ring," "Blindfold you," etc.) Then listen again, Jimmy. You are to take the elevator to the seventeenth floor of the Flatiron building, go to room 3760, the door will open, a man's hand will hold out a sealed package, notice if there is a diamond snake ring on his third finger ; go to the corner of Broadway and Twen- ty-second Street, wait for a man dressed entirely in black in a black automobile, look for a diamond snake ring on his third finger ; get in the auto ; he'll blindfold you. At exactly 3 :17 in Chase Woods on the outskirts you will be met by three masked men all with revolvers ; if they wear diamond snake rings, get out of the auto, give the tallest man the sealed package ; you will then be bound and gagged and thrown into a deep well — into icy cold water. Now will you do that for me, Jimmy? Jimmy. Will I? Well, just watch me. (Starts hurriedly for center door, but Madge stops him zvith her speech.) Madge. Never mind, Jimmy. (Laughs heartily.) I was only testing you. BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 11 Jimmy (at door, turns in surprise). Testing? Madge (laughingly). Yes, Jimmy. I read that nonsense in a book once, and I wanted to see if you could be a hero — for me. Jimmy (coming back with pleased disgust). Well, if that isn't just like a woman. (Jimmy takes her hand; she strug- gles very faintly as — ) Enter Lowenstein, door R. LowENSTEiN (on entering). Any telegrams? Any tele- phones? Any word from — (stops abruptly as he sees their position.) Say, what does this mean, eh? (Jimmy drops her hand and takes a step tozvard door, L.) Madge (nervously) . Air. Lowenstein, Jimmy and I — LowENSTEiN (endeavoring to control his emotion). So! So it is Jimmy, is it? (Madge hangs head abashed, while Jimmy is uneasy. Lowenstein sits heavily in chair at his desk, picks up a letter which he looks at very carefully as though trying to decide just what to do. Aside.) And I made love to her — all for nothin'. Madge (agitatedly). Mr. Lowenstein, I hope — Lowenstein (sharply). Miss Clay, you have took up enough time already yet in business hours. Go to your work. (To Jimmy.) Come here once, Jimmy. (Madge goes slozvly to her desk, Jimmy moves slozvly to Low- enstein's desk and stands zvith downcast head.) From the looks of things, generally speaking, you have been making love to Miss Clay. Jimmy (sullenly). Well? And if I have? Lowenstein. Let me talk, please. You are gettin' from me $18 every Saturday, ain't you? Jimmy (sullenly). Yes. Lowenstein. From the looks of things, generally speakin', you are spending every cent on your back, ain't it ? Jimmy. Well, I earn every cent of it and it's my money, isn't it? Lowenstein. Sure. (Nods head vigorously.) Jimmy. I spend my money as I like. I don't ask you how you spend yours — 12 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS Madge (raising a protesting hand). Jimmy — don't! LowENSTEiN {to JiMMv). Doii't get cxercited ; don't get exercited. ( To Madge.) Do you — do you think pretty much of Jimmy? {Watching her face and anxiously waiting her reply.) Madge {with downcast eyes). Yes, sir. LowENSTEiN {to JiMMY, cliokingly) . Do you — do you love her? Jimmy {defiantly). You bet I do? Madge. Oh, yes, sir; he really does. (Proudly.) I've tested him. LowENSTEiN (glancing slowly from one to the other and nervously fijigering a letter). ]\iiss Clay, you will please oblige me by going into the other room for a minute. I should like to talk with Jimmy. (Madge rises slowly, looks appealingly at Lowenstein, goes to door, R., and looks over her shoulder with an expression of entreaty as she exits. To Jimmy.) Jimmy, the point I am tryin' to em- bezzle into your head is this : You are makin' and spendin' eighteen a week on yourself. What do you expect to do with a wife? heh? Jimmy. That's all right. She will be my wife and I will look out for her. Lowenstein. Yes, maybe — but how? (Jimmy starts to speak, but Lowenstein checks him zvith a gesture.) Wait! I ain't through yet. I myself have some regard for the — the young lady in questions. More regard for her than you think, Jimmy, and I don't want her to — to get a bum steer. Y'understand ? Jimmy (half angrily). Mr. Lowenstein, if you hadn't been almost like a father to me, Fd — (drazvs back as if to strike). Lowenstein (pacifying). There, there, Jimmy; don't forget yourself. I wasn't goin' to say nothin' about what I have done for you, but since you say it yourself, all right. Jimmy, I took you off the street when you were peddlin' papers, brought you in here, gave you a good edumanca- tion, good job and now — now what do you do? (Rising BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 13 and speaking brokenly). You steal from me — you steal from me ! Jimmy (angrily) You — you lie! I never stole a penny from you in all my life — LowENSTEiN {holding up one hand) Wait, Jimmy! It ain't money I am speakin' of — it's something- else Miss Clay — Madge. {Sits heavily in chair, bozvs head on hands.) Jimmy {astounded). What! You mean — mean to — to say that you — LowENSTEiN {interrupting). Sure. A little while ago I asked Miss Clay to be {proudly) Mrs. Lowenstein ! Jimmy {looks at him a moment in astonishment, then bursts into a mocking laugh). Oh, come now, Mr. Lowen- stein — Lowenstein, That's why I say you **stole" from me, Jimmy. She turned me down, and then later I understood why. Now, then, I am askin' you, is it gratitude from you that I get after what I've done for you? Is it or ain't it? Jimmy {hanging head and speaking slozuly). Well, not exactly — but it isn't my fault. {Raises head and looks Low- enstein squarely in the face. Speaking rapidly.) But you needn't think I have to stay here and get ''called'' from you. I've done nothing that I am ashamed of. It is true you picked me up off the street and gave me a job, but believe me I 've earned every cent you ever paid me — and you know it. {Turns slozvly away. Speaking more slozvly.) And now — now I suppose it's all ofif with me ; Lm the "g-oat." {Defiantly.) All right, ]\Ir. Lowenstein — I guess you'd better get a new boy. Enter Madge, door R., in time to overhear his last zvords. Stands back and zvith finger on lips motions Jimmy to con- trol himself. Lowenstein {drumming on desk zvith tips of fingers. Thoughtfully for an instant before replying). Don't get exercised, Jimmy. I got to think this out, yet. For eighteen dollars a week I couldn't get such a good men as you, Jimmy. And eighteen dollars a week ain't so much to sup- port a wife on, Jimmv. Y'see, T got to look at this from both sides of the story. Besides, if you marry my stenographer, 14 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS I got it to get a new one again, and maybe I don't get as good one as the one I got. Jimmy (in the mcantinie lias been shifting uneasily on his feet and glancing nervously from Madge to Lowen- stein). Well? LowENSTEiN. Jimmy, I think you'd better go — Madge (stepping forward and facing Lowenstein, im- peratively). Sir. Lowenstein, this is unworthy of you. You have no right to discharge Jimmy for — Jimmy (interrupting) . Oh, never mind, !Madge. I don't want to work any more for him — there's no use haggling. JMadge. You're right, Jimmy. I have felt for a long time that we were both foolish for staying here. I know I can get more wages, and I feel positive that any other cloak firm in the city would be glad to have you with them on account of the trade you control — personally. (Smiles tri- umphantly at Lowenstein.) Lowexsteix (aside). By golly; I forgot that. I pretty near put my foot in it. (To Jimmy.) Say, did I say any- thin' about dischargin' you? Jimmy. Yes, you said I had better go. Low^ENSTEix (sickly laugh). It's a misunderstandin', Jimmy. I said you'd better go, but I mean to the ball game — see? By golly, pretty near I made a mistake! (Laughs again, this time more heartily.) ]\Iadge. Then — then he isn't fired? (Jimmy stares fix- edly at him.) Lowenstein (rubbing his hands together). Sure not. I never thought of such a thing for a minute. (Turns his head and winks slyly aside.) Jimmy (impidsively puts out his hand to Lowenstein). ]\Ir. Lowenstein, I want to thank you. Lowenstein (grasping the hand). That's all right, Jimmy. Now you run along to the ball game. You got a half holiday comin' on the firm. "Madge. Mr. Lowenstein, T always said you were a brick. I want to thank you, too. (Puts out her hand) Lowenstein (showing deep agitation now as he looks first from her face, then to Jimmy's, aiid slowly takes her BUSINESS IS BUSINESS IS hand in a firm clasp). It's all right, and I — I congratulate you — with all my heart. (Turns away, sinks heavily into his chair and pretends to busy himself with the scattered letters.) Jimmy (going to hat rack and getting hat). Mr. Lowen- stein, I want awfully to see the game this afternoon, but if you need me here, I'll — (stopping suddenly and glancing at Madge). Oh, gee, I forgot. It wouldn't be exactly right to duck and leave you — LowENSTEiN. Miss Clay also gets a half holiday, Jimmy ; get a move on you. (Madge is about to speak to Lowen- STEiN^ but changes her mind and instead runs for her hat, puts it on, then goes to her desk, takes out bag, etc., and for a moment is busy getting ready for street exit.) Madge (as she is ready to go, steps to Lowenstein's desk). Good-bye, Mr. Lowenstein — and thank you again. Lowenstein (gruffly and not looking up from his let- ters). So long. Jimmy (stepping briskly forward). Thank you again, sir. I'll work all the harder to make up for this. Lowenstein (restraining Jimmy as he is about to de- part). Wait, Jimmy. I said a little while ago that you couldn't keep a wife on eighteen a week. Thinkin' it over since, generally speakin', to myself, I have come to the conclusion that twenty-five a week might do it better. Be here at eight sharp in the mornin', Jimmy — business is business, y'know. Jimmy and Madge (in concert). What! Twenty-five dol- lars a week? Lowenstein. Say, shut up ; you are takin' up my time. Get a move on. Madge and Jimmy (clasp each other about the ivaist, dance zvith joy and rush through door, L., singing as they exit:) Twenly-five dollars a week, a week, twenty-five dollars a week, a week. Lowenstein (notes their joy and smiles. Immediately after their exit his expression changes to sadness and zvith an audible sigh he lets his head fall doivn upon his arms. He raises his head and speaks slozvly). Love? Love ain't no 16 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS business nohow. Love? Love is a — (pauses a moment, then speaks quickly.) I wonder how I can get that order from Wolf? {Telephone rings and he grabs receiver eagerly.) Hello! Hello! Who is it? Oh, Wolf? {Smiles broadly.) How-de-do, Mr. Wolf ? How's business ? That's good. Oh, them goods? Sure, I got 'em. How much for cash? Five off, sure. All right, I'll ship them tomorrow, Wolf — with- out fail. Good-bye. {Hangs up receiver, then speaks slowly and with deep meaning.) No, love is not a business. Father was right. The cloak business is the business for me. {He picks up a pencil and begins to write rapidly, to—) Curtain. DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. Price 13 Ceiks Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. M. F. Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 30 min 6 10 Great Doughnut Corporation, 30 min 3 5 Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 f^reat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 Happy Pair, 25 inin 1 1 I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 rnin. 3 2 Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 Men Not Wanted, 30 rnin 8 Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 min. 3 IklAT Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 1^ Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 My Turn Next, 45 min 4 My Wi'fe's Relations, 1 hr 4 Not a Man in the House, 40 m. Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min . . . 6 2 Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 min ; • • 3 Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 z Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 Wanted a Hero, 20 min . . 1 1 Which Will He Marry? 20 mm. 2 8 Who Is Who? 40 min ..3 2 Wide Enough for Two, 45 mm. 5 2 Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. R'-ON- OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. M. F. Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 Five Minutes from Yell College, 15 min • 2 For Reform, 20 min..^.". 4 Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 Glickman, the Glazier, 25 mm.. 1 1 Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 Home Run, 15 min 1 1 Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 min 1 Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 mm. 2 2 Prof. Blank's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 Si and I, 15 min 1 Special Sale, 15 min 2 Stage Struck Darky, 10 mm... 2 1 Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 Time Table, 20 min 1 1 Tramp and the Actress, 20 mm. 1 1 Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 Uncle Bill at the Vaudewlle, 15 min I Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 Who Gits de Reward? 30 mm.. 5 1 A ^reat number of Standard and Amateur Plays not found here are listed in Denison's Catalogue. POPUIAR ENTERTAIN Price, Illustrated Paper Covers ill! o i«v LIBRARY OF CONGRESS i umifim wmmiis tSDENISON&COMPANY' PUBLISHERS _=CHlG\GOa ¥N this Series are found books touching every feature in the enter- tainment field. Finely made, grood paper, clear print and each book has an attractive individual cov- er design. DIALOGUES All Sorts of Dfaloiiues. Selected, fine for older pupils. Catchy Comic Dialofiues. New, clever; for young people. Children's Comic Dlaloiiues. From six to eleven years of age. Dialogues from Dickens. Thirteen selections. The Friday Afternoon Dialoitues. 50,000 copies sold. From Tots to Teens. Dialogues and recitations. Lively Dialogues. For all ages; mostly humorous. When the Lessons are Over. Dialogues, drills, plays. Wide Awake Dialogues. Brand new, original, successful. SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES Choice Pieces for Little People. A child's speaker. The Comic Entertainer. Recitations.monologues.dialoguea. Dialect Readiniis. Irish, Dutch, Negrc, Scotch, etc. The Favorite Speaker. Choice prose and poetry. The Friday Afternoon Speaker. For pupils of all ages. Humorous Monologues. Particularly for ladies. Monologues for Yound Folks. Clever, humorous, original. The Patriotic Speaker. Master thoughts of masterminds. The Poetical Entertainer. For reading or speaking. Pomes ov the Peepul. Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. Scrao'Book Recitations. Choice collections, pathetic, hu- morous, descriptive, prose, poe- try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 015 910 051 0^^ The Besi urill Book. Very ponular drills and marches. The Favorite Book of Drills. Drills that sparkle with originality. Little Plays With Drills. For children from 6 to 11 years. The Surprise Drill Book. Fresh, novel, drills and marches. SPECIALTIES The Boys* Entertainer. Monologues, dialogues, drills. Children's Party Book. Plans, invitations, decorations. games. The Days We Celebrate. Entertainments for all the holidays. Good Things for Christmas. Recitations, dialogues, drills. The Little Folks, or Work and Play. A gem of a book. Little Folks' Bud|{et. Easy pieces to speak, songs. One Hundred Entertainments. New parlor diversions, socials. Patriotic Celebrations. Great variety of material. Prauks and Pastimes. Parlor games for children. Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades, and how to prepare. Tableaux and Scenic Readincfs. New and novel; for all ages. Twinkling Finders and Swaying Figures. For little tots. Yuletide Entertainments. A choice Christmas collection. HAND BOOKS The Debater's Handbook. Bound only in cloth, 50c. Everybody's Letter Writer. A handy manual. Good Manners. Etiquette in brief form. Private Theatricals. How to put on plays. Social Card Games. Complete in brief form. MINSTRELS, JOKES Black American Joker. Minstrels' and end men's gags. A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. Monologues, stump speeches.etc. Lau^hland, via the Ha-Ha Route. A merry trip for fun tourists. Ne^ro Minstrels. All about the business. The New Jolly Jester. Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. Larf^e Hlustrated CataloiJue Free* T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. Publishers, 15* W. Randolph St., Chicago z^y