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Given in memory of 
 
 MARGIT H. MEYER 
 
 by her father 
 
 Dr. E. R. Meyer 
 
 Rochester, New York 
 
% 
 
 K /- 
 
TIM BOBBIN'S 
 LANCASHIRE DIALECT; 
 
 POEMS. 
 
 fiJ$*f */(?£, 
 
 asiiidfr— 
 
 PLATES BY G. CRUIKSHANK. 
 
 RENDERED INTELLIGIBLE TO GENERAL READERS BY A LITERAL 
 
 INTERPRETATION, AND THE OBSOLETE WORDS EXPLAINED 
 
 BY QUOTATIONS FROM THE MOST EARLY OF 
 
 THE ENGLISH AUTHORS. 
 
 LONDON : 
 HURST, CHANCE, AND CO. 
 
 65, st. Paul's churchyard. 
 1828. 
 
 \ 
 
 \ 
 
PK 33^/9 
 
 . M-/m*r 
 
 L O N D O 
 
 pi^inVed by c. i?oworth;hii&\l yard, 
 
 MAY E ^ L « B 1984 
 
 
 * 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 The two County Palatines of Lancaster 
 and Chester being, from a remote period, 
 separate jurisdictions from the remaining 
 counties, as " Principalities in them- 
 selves," a pride of such distinction has 
 induced the inhabitants to keep, also, 
 within themselves ; not even mixing in 
 marriage with those of other districts ; as 
 the old Cheshire adage evinces, " it is better 
 to marry over the mixen (within their own 
 immediate precincts) than over the moor/' 
 — that is, your neighbour's daughter ra- 
 ther than a stranger : so that the manners, 
 
 V> 
 
 
IV INTRODUCTION. 
 
 customs, and old English language in these 
 counties, have experienced less changes 
 and innovations than in most other parts 
 of England. 
 
 Having had occasion, in the course 
 of interpreting the following pages, to 
 refer to the ancient English composi- 
 tions, such as Chaucer, Wicliffe, other 
 poets, historians, &c, I have been led 
 almost to conclude that the present 
 " Lancashire Dialect" was the univer- 
 sal language of the earliest days of Eng- 
 land ; and has induced me to select in- 
 stances from such authors, (to confirm, in 
 some measure, that opinion,) down to the 
 days of Dryden ; preserving an alphabet- 
 ical arrangement, by the way of reference 
 to the passages in the Dialect, wherever 
 an authority could be obtained. 
 
INTRODUCTION. V 
 
 To those who could understand the 
 idiom of this composition, its genuine 
 humour and drollery have afforded much 
 amusement ; and many have regretted 
 they could not enter into the spirit of the 
 work for want of such " humble know- 
 ledge ;" — to supply this the present work is 
 undertaken. But even this translation, like 
 all others, must fall far short of the ori- 
 ginal ; yet, if the " march of intellect" 
 keeps its pace, the present work may 
 prove an useful document to perpetuate 
 the genuine English Provincial Dialect. 
 
( vii ) 
 
 In Aikin's History of Manchester a short Biogra- 
 phical Sketch is given of the Author of this work ; 
 but neither when he was born, nor when he died, 
 and leaving doubtful the place of his birth — War- 
 rington and Mottram, in Lancashire, contending 
 for that distinction : but in referring to an edition 
 of his works and correspondence, published at 
 Rochdale, in 1819, I find he was born Decem- 
 ber, 16, 1708. 
 
 His father, Mr. Collier, being a clergyman, 
 gave him an education which enabled him to 
 leave the loom, with which he was disgusted, and 
 follow the profession of a schoolmaster, in a small 
 establishment at Rochdale, in his own County. 
 Mr. John Collier, alias Tim Bobbin, by which 
 appellation he is much better known, possessed a 
 versatility of talent which seldom centres in one 
 individual, being a humourous poet, an excellent 
 caricaturist, both of which his publications show, 
 a painter, a scientific musician, and his pencil, 
 his brush, and his pen, made his name and fame 
 
( viii ) 
 
 resound at home and through the adjoining dis- 
 tricts of York and Chester. We are given to 
 understand he died at the advanced age of near 
 eighty years, July, 14, 1786 ; and his mental 
 powers, conviviality, and humour, for which he 
 was much esteemed, were his good companions to 
 the last. 
 
LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
VILLAGE EVENTS. 
 
 SCENE L 
 First coming into Life. 
 
 Enter Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Turn. Odds me, Meary ! whooa the dickons 
 wou'd o thowt o' leeting o thee here so soyne this 
 morning ? Where has to bin ? Theaw'rt aw on 
 a swat, I think ; for theaw looks primely. 
 
 Mea. Beleemy Tummus, I welly lost my wynt; 
 for I've had sitch o'traunce this morning as eh 
 neer had e'meh live : for I went to Jone's o'Harry's 
 o'lung Jone's, for't borrow their thible, to stur th' 
 furmetry weh, an his wife had lent it to Bet o'my 
 gronny's: so I skeawrt eend-wey, an' when eh 
 coom there, hoo'd lent it Kester o'Dick's, an the 
 dule steawnd 'im for a brindl't cur, he'd mede it 
 int' shoon pegs ! Neaw wou'd naw sitch o moon- 
 shine traunce potter any body's plucks ? 
 
VILLAGE EVENTS. 
 
 SCENE L 
 First coming into Life. 
 
 Enter Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Tho. Bless me! Mary, who the deuce would 
 have thought of finding thee here so soon this 
 morning? where hast thou been? — thou art all in 
 a sweat I think, for thou looks primely. 
 
 Mary. Believe me, Thomas, I have nearly lost 
 my wind ; for I have had such a run this morning, as 
 I never had in my life : for I went to John Harris, 
 at Long Jones's, for to borrow their staff, to stir 
 the furmety with, and his wife had lent it to Bet at 
 my grandmother's : so I went straight forward, and 
 when I came there, she had lent it to Dick the 
 Cobler ; and the devil take him for an ill-natured 
 cur, he had made it into shoe-pegs ! Now, would 
 not such a moonshine tramp bother any body's wits? 
 
 b2 
 
* THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Mark whot e tell the Meary ; for I think 
 lunger ot fok liv'n an'th' moor mischoances they 
 han. 
 
 Mea. Not awlus o goddil. — But whot meys o't 
 'sowgh, on seem so dane-kest ? For I con tell o' 
 I'd fene see o'wick an hearty. 
 
 Turn. Whick an hearty too ! oddzo, but I con 
 tell the whot, its moor in bargin ot Im oather wick 
 or hearty, for 'twur seign peawnd t'a tuppunny 
 jannock, I'd bin os deeod os o dur nele be this 
 awer ; for th' last oandurth boh one me measter 
 had lik't o killt meh: on just neaw, os shure os 
 thee and me ar stonning here, I'm actilly running 
 meh country. 
 
 Meet. Why, whot's bin th' matter, hanney fawn 
 eawt withur measter? 
 
 Turn. Whot ! there's bin moort' do in a gonnort 
 muck, I'll uphowd tey! — For whot dust think? 
 bo'th' tother day boh yusterday, huz lads moot'n 
 ha' o bit on o hallidey, (becose it wurth' Circum- 
 cision onner Ledey I believe,) yet we munt do some 
 odds-on-eends ; on I munt oather breeod mowdy- 
 warp-holes or gut' Ratchdaw weh o keaw on o 
 why-kawve— neaw, loothy Meary, I'r lither; on 
 had o mind on o jawnt: so I donn'd meh sundey 
 jump o top o meh singlet, on wou'd goa with keaw 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 5 
 
 Tho. Mark what I tell thee, Mary; for I think 
 the longer that folks live, the more mischances 
 they have. 
 
 Mary. Not always, God willing. — But what 
 makes thee sigh so, and seem so downcast? For 
 I can tell you, I would fain see you alive and 
 hearty too. 
 
 Tho. Alive and hearty too! oddzooks, but I 
 can tell thee what, it's more than the bargain I am 
 either alive or hearty, for it was seven pound to a 
 two-penny loaf, I'd been as dead as a door nail by 
 this hour ; for the last evening but one, my master 
 had like to have killed me; and just now, as thou 
 art standing there, I'm actually running my country ! 
 
 Mary. What's been the matter, hast thou fallen 
 out with thy master? 
 
 Tho. What ! why there's been more to do in a 
 gander's dung, I'll assure thee! For what dost 
 think? — but the other day but yesterday, we lads 
 might have a bit of a holyday, (because it was the 
 Circumcision of our Lady, I believe,) yet we must 
 do some odds-and-ends; and I must either spread 
 in the fields mole-hillocks, or go to Rochdale with 
 a cow and a sucking calf — now, lookye, Mary, I 
 was idle and I had a mind of a jaunt: so I put 
 my Sunday coat over my woollen waistcoat, and 
 
O THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 on th' kawve; and the dule tey aw bad luck far 
 me, far eawer bitch Nip went wimmey, on that 
 mede ill wurr. 
 
 Mea. I connaw gawm heaw that coud mey ill 
 luck, Tummus. 
 
 Turn. Now, nor no mon elze till they known ; 
 boh here's a fine droy canking pleck under this 
 thurn, let's keawer us deawn oth yeoarth o bit, on 
 I'll tell the aw heaw't wur. 
 
 Mea. Weh aw meh heart, for meh deme's gon 
 fro whoam, on hoo'll naw cum ogen till bagging- 
 time. 
 
 Turn. Whau, os X'r telling the, I'd gut' Ratch- 
 daw: So I geet up be strike o dey, on seet eawt; 
 on went ogreath tilly welly coom within a mile oth 
 teawn; when os the dule woud height, o tit wur 
 stonning ot an eleheawse dur ; on me kawve (the 
 dule bore eawt it een for meh) took th' tit for it 
 mother, on would need seawk her: on I believe 
 th' foolish tooad of a tit took th' kawve far hur 
 cowt, hoo whinnit so when hoo saigh it; boh wen 
 hoo feld it seawke, hoo up with 'ur hough on kilt 
 meh kawve os deeod os o nit ! 
 
 Mea. E Lord ; — whot o trick wur that ! 
 
 Turn. Trick ! odds flesh, sitch o trick wur newer 
 plede eh Englondshiar. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 7 
 
 would go with the cow and the calf; and the 
 deuce take all bad luck for me, for our bitch, Nip, 
 went with me, and that made ill worse. 
 
 Mary. I cannot guess how that could make ill 
 luck, Thomas. 
 
 Tho. No, nor any man else, 'till they know- 
 but here's a fine dry resting-place under this thorn; 
 let us sit down on the earth a bit, and I'll tell thee 
 all about it. 
 
 Mary. With all my heart ; for my mistress is 
 gone from home, and she'll not come again 'till 
 baiting time. 
 
 Tho. Well, as I was telling thee, I'd go to 
 Rochdale: so I got up by strike of day, and set 
 out ; and went well till I came within a mile of the 
 town ; when, as if the devil would have it, a mare 
 was standing at the ale-house door; and my calf 
 (the devil bore out its eyes for me) took the mare 
 for its mother, and would needs suck her ! and I 
 believe the foolish toad of a tit, took the calf for 
 her colt, she neighed so when she saw it; but 
 when she felt it suck, she up with her hoof, and 
 killed my calf as dead as a nit ! 
 
 Mary. Ey Lord ; — what a trick was that ! 
 
 Tho. Trick! oddsflesh, such a trick was never 
 played in Englandshire ! 
 
8 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. Why hark ye, Tummus, whot cudney doo 
 weet ? yoad'n be quite broken ! 
 
 Turn. Doo ! what cou'd eh do ? 'sflesh in't had 
 bin kilt greadly, twou'd ha bin os good veeol os 
 e'er deed on a thwittle ; for me measter mood ha 
 had seignteen shillings on susepence fort th' yean- 
 durth ofore. 
 
 Mea. On didney leeof it ith' lone ? 
 
 Tom. Ne Meary; I'r naw sitch a gawby os tat 
 coom too noather: for as luck wou'd height, o 
 butcher wur ith' elehouse, on he coom eawt when 
 he heard meh kawve bah. Boh estid o being 
 sooary, when he saigh it sprawling oth yeorth, th' 
 fly 'ring karron seet up o gurd o leawghing, on 
 cou'd for shawm tell meh he'd berry it meh for a 
 pint o ele. 
 
 Mea. Whau, that wur pratty cheap ; for Dicky 
 o'Will's o'Jone's o'Sam's towd me, at he berrit 
 o chilt tother dey ot Ratchdaw, on he pede Jo. 
 Green o groat for a greave no bigger in o phip- 
 punny trunk. 
 
 Tom. Whau, that moot be : but I'd naw geet 
 im: for I borrot a shoo orv wou'd berrit meh seln; 
 I'r thrunk shoaving it in when a thowt coom int' 
 meh noddle, ot th' hoyde cou'd be no war; so I'd 
 flee it; but the dule o thwittle wurt' be leet on 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. V 
 
 Mary. Why hark ye, Thomas, what could you 
 do with it? you'd be quite broken! 
 
 Tho. Do! what could I do? 'sflesh ! had it been 
 killed kindly, twould have been as good veal as 
 ever died under a butcher's knife ; for my master 
 might have had seventeen shillings and sixpence 
 for it the morning before. 
 
 Mary. And did you leave it in the lane ? 
 
 Tho. No Mary; I am not such a fool as that 
 comes to neither: for as luck would have it, a 
 butcher was in the alehouse, and he came out 
 when he heard my calf bleat. But instead of be- 
 ing sorry, when he saw it sprawling on the earth, 
 the fleering fellow set up a burst of laughing, 
 and could for shame tell me he'd bury it for a pint 
 of ale. 
 
 Mary. Why, that was pretty cheap ; for Dicky 
 o'Will's o'Jone's o'Sam's told me, that he buried 
 a child the other day at Rochdale, and he paid 
 Joe Green, (the sexton,) a groat for a grave no 
 bigger than a fivepenny trunk. 
 
 Tho. Well, that might be : but I'd not give it 
 him : for I borrowed a shovel and would bury it 
 myself; I was just shoving it in, when a thought 
 came into my noddle, that the hide could be no 
 worse, so I'd flee it ; but the deuce a knife could 
 
10 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 bo'th' butcher's, on the spoytfoo tike wou'd naw 
 leeond it me: neaw, Meary, what cou'd onny 
 mon doo? 
 
 Mea. Doo ! I'st o gon stark woode. 
 
 Turn. I believe ot wou'd, or onney mon elze; 
 boh that wou'd doo nowt eh my kese : so I bargint 
 with th' rascot; he'ur to tyth' hoyde grooing toth' 
 carcuss, on geh meh throtteen pence : so I geet th' 
 brass, on went endway with keaw. 
 
 Mea. Neaw meh mind misgives meh ot yooar'n 
 gooing a sleeveless arnt; on at felly wou'd naw 
 tak'th kah bateth' kawve. 
 
 Turn. Uddzo, Meary ! theaw geawses within two 
 tumbles of a leawse ; for it wur lung, on lunger, 
 ofore eh wou'd : boh when I towd him heawt wur 
 knock oth sow with a tit coak'n os he coom, on 
 that he moot order weh meh Measter obeawt it, 
 he took her ot lunglength : then I went .on bowt 
 two peawnd o sawt, on on eawnce of black pepper 
 for eawr fok, on went toart whoam ogen. 
 
 Mea. With o fearfoo heyvy heart I'll up- 
 howd'o. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, eigh, that's true— boh whottle to 
 sey when ot eh tell the he ne'er berrit kawve ! boh 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 1 1 
 
 be lighted on but the butcher's, and the spiteful 
 tike would nt lend it me ! now, Mary, what could 
 any man do? 
 
 Mary. Do! I'd have gone stark mad. 
 
 Tho. (solemnly.) I believe you would, or any 
 man else ; but that would do nothing in my case : 
 so I bargained with the rascal; he was to take the 
 hide growing to the carcase, and give me thirteen- 
 pence : so I got the brass, and went away with 
 the cow. 
 
 Mary. Now my mind misgives me that you're 
 going a sleeveless errand; and that the fellow 
 would not take the cow without the calf. 
 
 Tho. Adzooks, Mary, thou guesses within two 
 tumbles of a louse ; for it was long and longer be- 
 fore he would : but w r hen I told him how it was 
 knocked in the head with a tit's shoe as I came, 
 and that he might order with my master about it, 
 he took her at long-length : then I went and bought 
 two pounds of salt and an ounce of black pepper 
 for our folks, and went towards home again. 
 
 Mary. With a fearful heavy heart I'll uphold 
 you. 
 
 Tho. Aye, aye, that's true — but what will you 
 say when I tell you he never buried the calf! but 
 
12 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 sowd it et Owdum that oandurth, for two pence 
 haw penny o peawnd ! 
 
 Mea. Sey ! why be meh troth it wur fere cheeot- 
 ing; but it's meet like their rascotly tricks; for 
 there's not an honest booan ith' hoyde o newer o 
 greasy tyke on urn aw. 
 
 Turn. Indeed Meary, I'm eh thy mind ; for it 
 wur reet rank ; boh I think eh meh guts ot rascots 
 ith' ward ar os thick as wasps in o hummo-bee- 
 neest. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 13 
 
 sold her at Oldham that morning, for twopence 
 halfpenny a pound ! 
 
 Mary. Say! why by my troth it was fair cheat- 
 ing; but it's just like their rascally tricks; for 
 there's not an honest bone in the hide of never a 
 greasy tike in 'em all. 
 
 Tko. Indeed Mary, I am of thy mind ; for it 
 was right wrong; but I think in my guts, that 
 rascals in the world are as thick as wasps in a 
 humble-bee's nest. 
 
( 14 ) 
 
 SCENE II. 
 How to catch an Owl. 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Mea. Its not tell, buh I'st marvil straungely an 
 yo leet on a wur kneave in this. 
 
 Turn. Alack o dey ! theaw knows boh little oth 
 matter, boh theawst hear : I'd naw gett'n fomid, 
 back ogen, oboon a mile or so, ofore eh saigh o 
 parcel o lads on hobbletyhoys, as thrunk as 
 Thrap-wife: when ot he geet too um, I coud 
 naw gawm what tearn obeawt ; for two on um 
 carrit o steeigh o ther shilders, onother had o rid- 
 dle in his hont, on Hal o'NaUs ith' Midge lone 
 had his knockus lapt in his barmskin : awth' rest 
 on um had hoyts, or lung kibhoes, like swinging 
 sticks or raddlings. 
 
 Mea. Ith' neme o Katty, whot wur'n the for ? 
 
 Turn. Nowt ots awt, theaw mey be sure, if 
 that hawmpoing tyke Hal wus weh um: neaw 
 theaw r mun know, ot one neet last shearing-time, 
 
( is ) 
 
 SCENE II. 
 How to catch an OwL 
 
 Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Mary. I cannot tell, but I marvel strangely 
 that you'll meet with a worse knave than this. 
 
 Tlw. Alack-a-day ! thou knows but little of the 
 matter, but thou'lst hear: I had gotten forward 
 above a mile or so, before I saw a parcel of lads, 
 or hobbledehoys, as thick as " Thrap's wife;" when 
 that I got to them, I could not guess what they 
 were about, for two of them carried a ladder on 
 their shoulders, another had a riddle in his hand, 
 and Hal at Nab's in the Midge Lane had his 
 hands lapt in his apron ; all the rest of 'em had 
 sticks or long poles, like swinging sticks or rods. 
 
 Mary. In the name of Katty, what were that 
 for? 
 
 TJw. Nought that's good, thou may'st be sure, 
 if that hampering lad Hal was with 'em. Now 
 thou must know, that one night last sheering time, 
 
16 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 when Jone's d Harry s geete thear churn, this 
 seme scap-gallows wur tean eh ther pleawmtree ; 
 on wur en sitch o flunter eh getting deawn ogen, 
 ot he fell, on broke th' collar-boan on his leg. 
 
 Mea. O wrang joyrthongim: I know him weel 
 enough, for th' last great snow he'ur for honging 
 o hare e some hure gillers ; on throttle eaw'r poor 
 Teawzer in o clewkin-grin. 
 
 Turn. The varra seme ; so I asht him what team 
 far ? Why, sed he, ween meet neaw seen on ewl 
 fly thro' yon leawp-hoyl into th' leath, on we'er 
 gooing tey hur : come Turn, sed he, egad, iftle 
 geaw with us, theawst see sitch gam os tha newer 
 saigh eh the live : beside theawst howd th' riddle. 
 — Sed I, I know naw whot to meeons be howd- 
 ingth' riddle, boh I'll geaw we aw meh heart intle 
 teytch meh. — I con show the in a crack, sed he. 
 — So owey we went, on begun o cromming oth 
 leawp-hoyles, on th' slifters ith leath woughs full 
 o awts ; then we reeart th' steeigh sawfly ogen th' 
 wough under th' eawl hoyle. Neaw lads, sed 
 Hal, mind yer hits: I'll lap meh honds eh meh 
 barmskin ot hoo cannow scrat meh when ot eh 
 tak' ur ith' hoyle : Turn o William's mun clime 
 th' steeigh, thrutch'd th' strey eawt oth' leawp 
 hoyle, on howd the riddle cloyse on't. Awth' 
 
THE INTERPRETATION/ 17 
 
 when John at Harry's got their churn, this same 
 scape-gallows was taken in their plumb-tree, and 
 was in such a fluster in getting down again, that 
 he fell, and broke the collar-bone of his leg ! 
 
 Mary. A wrong joint, hang him: I know him 
 well enough, for the last great snow he was for 
 hanging a hare in some hair-gillers, and throttled 
 our poor Towzer in a worsted gin, 
 
 Tho. The very same ; so I asked him what they 
 were about ? Why, said he, we've just now seen 
 an owl fly through the loophole into the barn, and 
 we are going to take her: come Tom, said he, 
 egad, if thou'lt go with us, thou'lt see such fun as 
 thou never saw in thy life : besides, thou'lt hold 
 the riddle. — Said I, I know not what thou means 
 by "holding the riddle," but I'll go with thee with 
 all my heart, if thou'lt teach me. — I can show 
 thee in a crack, said he. So away we went, and 
 began a cramming of the loopholes and crevices 
 in the barn full of straw ; then we reared the lad- 
 der softly against the wall, under the owl-hole. 
 Now lads, said Hal, mind your hits: I'll wrap 
 my hands in my apron, that she cannot scratch 
 me, when that I take her in the hole : Tom Wil- 
 liams must climb the ladder, and push the straw 
 out of the loophole, and hold the riddle close upon 
 
 c 
 
18 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 rest mun be powlerers, on flay hur into't. — So 
 owey they seete into th' leath, on toynt dur ; on 
 I— 
 
 Mea. Why neaw, I'll be far, if I'd naw rether 
 ha seent in o puppy-show. 
 
 Turn. Good lorjus, Meary ! theawrt so heasty ; 
 so I clum th' steeigh in o snift, shoavt th' awts 
 eawt, on smakt me riddle oth' hoyle : I'd no 
 soyner done sooa, but I heard one on um sey — 
 see o, see o, hoos teear ! Shu, sed one ; shu, sed 
 another.- — Then they aw begun o hallowing on 
 whooping like hey-go-mad. I thowt it wer rear'st 
 spooart ot ewer mortal mon saigh: so I gran, 
 on I thrutcht, till meh arms wartcht ogen; still 
 they kept shuing, on powlering ith leath ; on then 
 I thowt I felt summot nudge th' steeigh — I lookt 
 deawn, an there were an owd soo bizzy scratting 
 
 hur o one o'th' strines.— 'Sflesh, thinks 1 1' 
 
 meh seln, hool ha me deawn eend neaw: — just 
 then I thowt I heard th' eawl come into the hoyle ; 
 on presently summot come with a greyt flusk thro' 
 th' riddle. 
 
 Mea. Odds mine ! on didney let hur gooa, or 
 yo took'n hur ? 
 
 Turn. Took'n hur ! ney Meary ; on eawl's naw 
 so sooyne tean : boh I con heardly tell the, I'm 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 19 
 
 it. All the rest must be pollerers, and frighten 
 her into it. — So away they set into the barn; and 
 shut the door, and I — 
 
 Mary. Why now, I'll be far enough, if I'd not 
 rather have seen it than a puppet-show! 
 
 Tko. Good gracious, Mary ! thou'rt so hasty : 
 so I climbed the ladder in a moment, and smacked 
 the riddle on the hole : I'd no sooner done so, but 
 I heard one of them say — see her, see her, she's 
 there! Hush! said one; shu! said another. — - 
 Then they all began a hallooing and whooping, 
 like all going mad. I thought it was the rarest 
 sport that ever mortal man saw : so I grinned, and 
 I pushed till my arms ached again; still they kept 
 shouting and pollering in the barn; and then I 
 thought I felt something push at the ladder — I 
 looked down, and there was an old sow busy 
 scratching herself against one of the sides. 'Sflesh! 
 thinks I to myself, she'll have me down e'en now : 
 — just then, I thought I heard the owl come into 
 the hole; and presently something came with a 
 great rush through the riddle. 
 
 Mary. Dear me! and did you let her go, or 
 you took her? 
 
 Tho. Took her! nay, Mary, an owl is not so 
 soon taken : but I can hardly tell thee, I'm so 
 
 c2 
 
20 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 so waughish — for I'm ready 't cowk'n with th' 
 thowts ont ; — there wur non t' tey, Meary. 
 
 Mea. What, no eawl ? 
 
 Turn. Now, now — not teear ; it wus nowt oth' 
 warld o God boh arron owd lant ot teyd'n mede 
 war weh loasing ther breeches in't : on that 
 hodge-podge coom eh me fease w r eh sitch o bor, 
 ot o sumheaw it mede meh meazy, on I feel off 
 th' steeigh: boh moor be choance thin onney 
 good luck, I leet disactly oth' soo wey sitch o 
 soltch, ot I think eh meh guts ot hoor booath wur 
 flay'd on hurt in I wur. 
 
 Mea. E lord ! whot o wofoo faw had'n yo ! 
 
 Turn. Eigh, faw eigh; for I thowt I'd brok'n 
 
 th' crupper-booan o meh , boh it wur better 
 
 in lickly; for I'd naw hurt boh th' tone theawm 
 stunnisht, on th' skin bruzz'd off th' whirlbooan 
 o meh knee, ot mede meh t'hawmpoo o bit. 
 
 Mea. Awt upon um, whot unmannerly powse- 
 ments ! I'st o bin stark-giddy at um, on ha raddlt 
 ther booans. 
 
 Turn. I'r os woode os teaw cou'd be, or onny 
 mon elze, boh theaw knows ev'ry mon's not a 
 witch : heaweer I hawmpo't rawnd th' leath fort' 
 snap some oth' bulloking basturts ; boh none 
 cou'd eh leet on, for they'rn aw cropp'n into th' 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 21 
 
 faintish — for I'm ready to be sick with the 
 thoughts of it — there were none to take, Mary ! 
 
 Mary. What ! no owl ? 
 
 Tko. No ! no ! not there; it was nothing in the 
 world of God but arrant old lant, which they had 
 made warm with opening their breeches into it, 
 and that hodge-podge came in my face with such 
 a force, that somehow it made me mazy, and I 
 fell off the ladder : but, more by chance than any 
 good luck, I lighted exactly on the sow, with such 
 a thwack, that I think in my guts she was worse 
 frightened and hurt than I was. 
 
 Mary. Eh Lord ! what a woeful fall had you ! 
 
 Tko. Ay! fall! ay! for I thought I'd broken 
 the crupper-bone of my bottom ; but it was better 
 than I expected, for I'd no hurt but one thumb 
 sprained and the skin bruised of the round bone 
 of my knee, that made me limp a bit. 
 
 Mary. Out upon them ! what unmannerly 
 rubbish! I should have been stark mad at 
 them, and have thrashed their bones. 
 
 Tko. I was as mad as thou could be, or any 
 man else, but thou knows every man is not a 
 witch : but however I limped round the barn, for 
 to catch some of the blackguard bastards; but 
 none could I fall on, for they were all crept into the 
 
22 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 leath ; on th' durs os sefe os Beesfn castle : boh 
 they med'n me't hear um efeath ; far thear'n aw 
 wherrying on leawghing, whooping on sheawting, 
 like maddlocks ot ther new tean eawl, os teh 
 cawd'n meh : wuns, Meary ! in I'd had foyar I'st 
 o set th' how leath on o haliblash in I'd deed for't; 
 boh then th' soo kept sitch o skrikeing reeking 
 din, os if hur back wur eteaw eh two spots, ot I 
 durst stey no lunger for fear o sumbody cumming, 
 on meying me necessary too hur deeoth : so I 
 scamspoot owey as hard os eh cou'd pinn, on ran 
 o mile eh that pickle ofore eh ga one glent be- 
 hund meh : then I leep o'er o ryz'n hedge, on os 
 
 rindle o wetur wur wheem, I washt aw meh 
 clooas, till it coom to meh hure : on aw little 
 enough too ; for I think eh meh guts I'st stink like 
 a foomurt while meh neme's Turn. 
 
 Mea. Neaw een be meh troath! I thowt ye 
 savort'n feearfoo strung on o yarb : boh when aw's 
 done, Tummus, this killing o'th kawve, on eawl- 
 catching, wur non awlung o Nip. 
 
 Turn. Odds heart, howd teh tung, Meary; far 
 
 1 oather angurt some he witch, or the dule threw 
 his club o'er meh that morning when eh geete up : 
 far misfartins coom on me os thick os leet. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 23 
 
 barn, and the door as fast as "Beeston castle:"* but 
 they made me hear 'em i'faith, for they were all re- 
 joicing and laughing; whooping and shouting like 
 mad folks, at their new-taken owl, as they called 
 me! — Zounds, Mary, had I had fire, I'd have set 
 the barn in a blaze, if I'd died for it; but then the 
 sow kept such a shrieking, squealing noise, as if 
 her back was in two pieces, that I durst stay no 
 longer, for fear of somebody coming, and making 
 me accessary to her death; so I scampered away, 
 as hard as I could run, a mile in that pickle before 
 I got one look behind me ; then I leaped over a 
 rising hedge, and as a gutter of water was near, I 
 washed all my clothes, till it came to my hair; and 
 all little enough too, for I think in my heart I shall 
 stink like a polecat whilst my name's Tom ! 
 
 Mary. Now, even by my troth! I thought thou 
 savoured fearful strong ot an herb : but when all's 
 done, Thomas, this killing of the calf and owl- 
 catching was not all along of Nip ? 
 
 Tho. Dear heart, hold thy tongue, Mary ; fori 
 had vexed either some he-witch, or the devil threw 
 his club over me that morning when I got up, for 
 misfortunes came on me as thick as lightning. 
 
 * On an elevated rock near Chester. 
 
( 24 ) 
 
 SCENE III. 
 
 April FooL 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Mea. Uddzlud ! non thro' Nip, o Goddil ! 
 
 Turn. Thro' Nip, yigh thro' Nip : on I wud hur 
 neek had bin brock'n eh neen spots, wheen hoo'r 
 whelpt far mee, (God fargi' meh ; th' deawmp 
 cretur does no hurt, noather,) far I'd naw greadly 
 washt on fettl't meh, on lipp'n into th' lone ogen, 
 boh I met a fattish dowing felly in o blackish 
 wigg; on he stoode on glooart ot Nip: ko he, 
 onnest mon, wilt sell the dog ? Sed I, meh dog's 
 o bitch, on so's ne'er o dog ith' teawn : for be meh 
 troath, Meary, I'r os cross os of — t. 
 
 Mea. Odd, boh yoarn bobbersome, on awnsurt 
 him awvishly too-to. 
 
 Turn. Well, boh dog or bitch, sedt' felly, if 
 I'd known on hur three deys sin, I'd o gen the 
 twenty shilling far hur, for I see hoos o reet 
 stawnch bandy hewit; on there's o gentlemon ot 
 
( 25 ) 
 
 SCENE III. 
 The First of April. 
 
 Thomas and Mary, 
 
 Mary. Odsblood ! not through Nip, egad ! 
 
 Tho. Through Nip ! — ay, through Nip : and I 
 would her neck had been broken in nine places 
 when she was whelped for me, (God forgive me, 
 the dumb creature does not hurt neither,) for I 
 had not decently washed and dressed, and limped 
 into the lane again, but I met a fattish-looking 
 fellow in a blackish wig ; and he stood and stared 
 at Nip : quoth he, honest man, wilt thou sell thy 
 dog ? Said I, my dog's a bitch, and so is never a 
 dog in the town : for by my troth, Mary, I was as 
 cross as two sticks. 
 
 Mary. Egad, but you were bobbersome, and 
 answered roughly too much. 
 
 Tho. But dog or bitch, said the fellow, if I 
 had known of her three days since, I'd have got 
 thee twenty shillings for her, for I see she's a right 
 
26 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 wooans abeawt three mile off, ot wants one meet 
 neaw. Neaw, Meary, to tell the true, I'd o mind 
 t' cheeot (God forgi' meh) on sell im meh sheep- 
 cur for o bandyhewit; tho, I no moor knew in th' 
 mon ith moon whot a bandyhewit wur. # Whaw, 
 sed I, hoose primely bred; for hur moother coom 
 fro Lunnun, tho' hoor whelpt ot meh master's ; on 
 tho' hoos os good os onny eh Englandshiar, I'll 
 sell hur if meh price come. 
 
 Mea. Well done Tummus! whot sed eh then? 
 
 Turn. Wau, ko he, whot dust ax for hur? Hoos 
 worth a ginny on o hawve o gowd, sed I ; boh o 
 ginny I'll ha far hur: ko he, I gen o ginny far 
 mine, on I'd rether ha thine be o creawn ; boh iftle 
 gooa to justice — justice hum — le me see. — But I 
 freat'n heaw he het (boh o greyte matter on im, 
 far I think he's piece on o rascot, as weel ost rest) 
 he'll be fene o'th' bargin. 
 
 Mea. That wur clever, too-to; wur it naw? 
 
 Turn. Yigh, meeterly. Then I asht im whot 
 wey he munt gooa? On he towd meh: on o wey 
 I seete, weh meh heart as leet os o bit on o flaight; 
 
 * A pass-name for a dog, when sport is to be made with 
 his master on April-fools-day, &c. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 27 
 
 staunch bandyhewit, and there's a gentleman that 
 lives about three miles off, that wants one just now. 
 Now Mary, to tell the truth, I'd a mind to cheat 
 (God forgive me !) and sell him my sheep-cur for 
 a bandyhewit; though I no more knew than the 
 man in the moon what a bandyhewit was. # Why, 
 said I, she's primely bred, for her mother came 
 from London, though she was whelpt at my mas- 
 ter's ; and though she's as good as any in England- 
 shire, I'll sell her if my price comes. 
 
 Mary. Well done Thomas! what said he then? 
 
 Tho. Why, quoth he, what dost ask for her ? 
 She's worth a guinea and a half in gold, said I; 
 but a guinea I'll have for her : quoth he, I gave a 
 guinea for mine, but I would rather have thine by 
 a crown ; but if thoul't go to the justice — justice 
 hum — let me see. — But I forget how he's named 
 (but a great matter on him, for I think he's a piece 
 of a rascal as well as the rest) he'll be glad of the 
 bargain. 
 
 Mary. That was clever indeed; was it not? 
 
 Tho. Ay, middling. Then I asked him what 
 way I must go? And he told me; and away I set 
 with my heart as light as a feather ; and carried Nip 
 
 * A name given to any dog in Lancashire, when persons 
 intend *to make sport with his master, vide Glossary. 
 
28 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 
 
 on carrit Nip under meh arm; for neaw theaw 
 mun understand I'r feear o loysing hur; ne'er 
 deawting I cou'd be roytch enough t' pay meh 
 master for th' kawve, an ha summot t' spere. 
 
 Mea. Odds-fish! boh that wur breve; yoarn 
 eh no ill kele neaw, Tummus. 
 
 Turn. Whau, boh theawst hear : it wur o dree 
 wey too-to ; heawe'er I geete there by three o'clock ; 
 on ofore eh opp'nt dur, I covert Nip with th* 
 cleawt ot eh droy me nese weh, t' let him see heaw 
 I stooart hur. Then I opp'nt dur; on who te 
 dule dust think, boh three little tyney bandyhewits, 
 os I thowt then, coom weawghing os if th' little 
 rott'ns wou'd ha worrit meh, on after that swollut 
 meh whick. Then there coom o fine freshcullert 
 wommon ot keckt as stiff as if hood swallut a 
 poker, on I took hur for o hoor justice, hoor so 
 meety fine : for I heard Rotchet o' Jack's o 9 Yems 
 tell meh measter, that th' hoo justices awlus did 
 mooast o'th' wark. Heawe'er, I axt hur if Mr. 
 Justice wur o whoam ; hoo cou'd naw opp'n hur 
 meawth t' sey eigh, or now; boh simpurt on sed 
 iss, (the dickons iss'ur, on him too.) Sed I, I 
 wudidd'n tell him I'd fene speyk too 'im. 
 
 Mea. Odd, boh yoar'n bowd; I'st o bin tim- 
 mersome: — but let's know heaw ye went'n on. 
 
W~ c^^ £4 * 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 29 
 
 under my arm; for now thou must understand I 
 was afraid of losing her, ne'er doubting but I 
 should be rich enough to pay my master for the 
 calf, and have somewhat to spare. 
 
 Mary. Odds-fish! but that was brave ; you are 
 in no ill luck now Thomas. 
 
 Tho. But thou'lst hear: it was a weary way to 
 it; however I got there by three o'clock; and 
 before I opened the door I covered Nip with the 
 rag I dry my nose with, to let him see how I stored 
 her. Then I opened the door, and what the deuce 
 do'st think, but three little tiny bandyhewits, as I 
 thought them, came barking as if the little stinkers 
 would have worried me, and after that swallowed 
 me alive. Then there came a fine fresh-coloured 
 woman as stood as stiff as if she'd swallowed a 
 poker, and I took her for the she-justice, she was 
 so mighty fine ; for I heard Roger Jackson tell my 
 master, that the she-justices always did most of 
 the work. However, I ask'd her if Mr. Justice 
 was at home ; she could not open her mouth to 
 say aye or no, but simpered and said, Yes! (the 
 dickens yes her, and him too.) Said I, I would 
 you to tell him I would fain speak to him. 
 
 Mary. Egad, but you was bold ; I should have 
 been timorous; but let's know how you went on. 
 
30 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Whau, weell enough, for theaw mey nip 
 on cheeot os ill os one other clarks, on they'n naw 
 meddle with the ; boh theaw munnaw frump, nor 
 teeos urn, for they hat'n to be vext. 
 
 Mea. Boh heaw went'n ye on? Wurth' justice 
 o whoam? 
 
 Turn. Eigh, on coom snap, on axt meh whot he 
 wantut? Whau, sed I, I've o varra fine bandy - 
 hewit t'sell, on I hear yo want'n one, sur: humph 
 sed he — a bandyhewit — prethee let's look at. — 
 Yigh, said I ; on I pood th' cleawt fro off on hur, 
 stroakt hur deawn th' back, on sed, hoos os fine o 
 bandyhewit os ewer run ofore o tele. 
 
 Mea. Well done Tummus! yo cud'n naw mend 
 tat, in eh had'n it t' doo ogen : boh yo're fit t' gooa 
 eawt efeath. 
 
 Turn. Hoos a fine on, indeed, sed th' justice; 
 on its o theawson pities boh I'd known on hur 
 yusterday: for o felly coom, on I bowt one naw 
 so good os this by hoave o ginny ; on I'll uphowd- 
 tey theaw'U tey o ginny for this. On that I'll 
 hav' in eh cou'd leet on a chapmon, sed I. Hoos 
 roytchly worth it, sed he, on I think I con tell 
 thee whear theaw map part with hur, if he be not 
 fittut awready. 
 
 Mea. Odds-like, boh that wur o good neatert 
 justice, wur he naw? 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 31 
 
 Tho. Why well enough, for they may nip and 
 cheat as bad as any other clerks, and they'll not 
 meddle with thee ; but thou must not cross nor 
 teize them, for they ar'nt to be vexed. 
 
 Mary. But how went you on? Was the justice 
 at home ? 
 
 Tho. Aye, and came slap, and asked me what I 
 wanted? Why, said I, I've a very fine bandy- 
 hewit to sell, and I hear you want one, sir; humph, 
 said he — a bandyhewit — prithee let's look at it. 
 Aye, said I, and I pulled the handkerchief from 
 off her, stroked her down the back, and said, she's 
 as fine a bandyhewit as ever ran before a tail. 
 
 Mary. Well done, Thomas, you could not have 
 mended that, if you had it to do again; but you're 
 fit to go out in faith. 
 
 Tho. She's a fine one indeed, said the justice ; 
 and it's a thousand pities but I'd known of her 
 yesterday; for a fellow came, and I bought one 
 not so good as this by half-a-guinea ; and I'll up- 
 hold you, you'll take a guinea for this. And that 
 I'll have, if I could light of a chapman, said I. 
 She's richly worth it, said he, and I think I can tell 
 thee where thou may part with her, if he is not 
 fitted already. 
 
 Mary. Dear me, but that was a good-natured 
 justice, was he not? 
 
32 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. E, Meary, theaw tawks like o seely ninny- 
 hommer: for tey mey wort fort, nowt ot's owt con 
 come on't, when o mon deeols weh rascotly fok: 
 boh as I'r telling thee, he neamt a felley ot wooant 
 obeawt two mile off on him (boh the dule forget 
 him os I done) so I munt gooa back ogen thro' 
 Ratchdaw. So I geet Nip under meh arm ogen, 
 mede o scroap weh meh hough, on bid th' justice 
 good neet, weh o heyvy heart thew meh be shure : 
 on boh os eh thowt he cou'd ashelt sell hur eh this 
 tother pleck, it wou'd sartinly ha brock'n. 
 
 Mea. Lord bless us! it wur lik't trouble o 
 meetily ! 
 
 Turn. Boh theawst hear, I'd naw gon o'er oboon 
 a feelt or two, boh I coom to o greyt bruck, weh 
 o feaw narrow sappling brig o'er it. As it had 
 reint th' neet afore, os th' welk in wou'd ha op- 
 p'nt, th' wetur wur bonkful ; tho' it wur feggur o 
 deeol i'th mourning; on o someheaw, when I'r 
 obeawt hoave o'er, meh shough slipt, on deawn 
 coom I, arsyversy, weh Nip eh me arm i'th wetur, 
 Nip I leet fend for hur sell'n, on flaskert int' eh 
 geete how'd on o sawgh, on so charr'd meh sell'n ; 
 or elze nother theaw, nor no mon elze had newer 
 see Turn ogen : for be meh troth I'r welly werk'nt. 
 
&fJwJi**kvM> 
 
THE INTERPRETATION, 33 
 
 Tho. Aye, Mary, thou talkst like a silly dunce : 
 for take my word for it, nothing that's good for any 
 thing can come of it, when a man deals, with ras- 
 cally folk: but as I was telling thee, he named a 
 fellow that lived about two miles off him (but the 
 devil forget him as I do) ; so I must go back again 
 to Rochdale. So I got Nip under my arm again, 
 and made a scrape with my foot, and bid the jus- 
 tice good night, with a heavy heart thou mayst be 
 sure : and, but as I thought I could as well sell her 
 in this other place, it would certainly have broken. 
 
 Mary. Lord bless us ! it was like to trouble you 
 mightily ! 
 
 Tho. But thou'lt hear, I had not gone over 
 above a field or two, but I came to a great brook, 
 with a narrow plank bridge over it. As it had 
 rained the night before, as if the sky would have 
 opened, the water was bank-full, tho' it was fairer 
 a deal in the morning; and somehow, when I 
 was about half over, my shoe slipped, and down 
 came I, topsy-turvy, with Nip in my arm in the 
 water; Nip I let fend for herself, and flaskered 
 until I got hold of the willows, and so took care of 
 myself; or else neither thee nor any man else had 
 never seen Tom again, for by my troth I had very 
 near work of it. 
 
34 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. Good lorjus deys! th' like wur never! 
 this had lik't to shad awth'tother! on yet yo 
 coom'n farrantly off marry, for it wur a greyt 
 marcy ye wur'n naw dreawnt. 
 
 Turn. I know naw whether't wur or naw, noa- 
 ther: boh theaw meh be shure I'r primely boyrnt, 
 on os weet os ewer eh could sye : beside I'd no com 
 to keem meh hure, so ot I lookt licker o dreawnt 
 meawse in o mon. 
 
 Mea. Beside, yoad'n be as cowd as iccles. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, theaw may geawse I'r non mough'n : 
 boh theawst hear. Id naw gone oboon o stone's 
 thrut, efore eh wundurt whot teh pleague wur th' 
 matter wimmey, for I begun t' smart os if five hun- 
 durt pissmotes wur eh me breechus: I loast um 
 deawn, boh cou'd see nowt ot wur whick : on yet 
 I lookt as rey os o fleed meawse ; (for were seln 
 beawt th' scrat at my measter's) 'sflesh, I'r ready 
 t' gooa woode, on knew neaw whot eh eelt: — on 
 then I unbethowt meh o me sawt. 
 
 Mea. Ewea's me I'd freat'n that too ! I deawt 
 it wou'd quite mar o'? 
 
 Turn. Now, now, Meary, I'r naw quite marr'd : 
 its true I went wigglety-wagglety, for an eawer or 
 so, ofore I'r ogreath ogen: on when he geet reet, 
 on coom t' groap eh meh singlet pocket for meh 
 
THE INTERPRETATION 35 
 
 Mary. Good gracious days! the like was never! 
 this had like to have overdone all the others ! yet 
 you came pretty well off marry, for it was a great 
 mercy you was not drowned. 
 
 Tho. I don't know whether it was or not, nei- 
 ther : but thou mayst be sure, I was primely washed, 
 and as wet as a sieve, besides I'd no comb to comb 
 my hair, so that I looked liker a drowned mouse 
 than a man. 
 
 Mary. Besides, thou'dst be as cold as icicles. 
 
 Tho. Aye, thou mayst guess I was in no sweat : 
 but thou'lt hear. I'd not gone above a stone's 
 throw, afore I wondered what the plague was the 
 matter with me, for I began to smart as if five 
 hundred pismires (ants) were in my breeches: I 
 loosed them down, but saw nothing that was alive, 
 yet I looked as red as a flay'd mouse, (but we are 
 seldom without the itch at my master's,) 'sflesh I 
 was ready to go mad, and knew not what I ailed: 
 and then — I bethought me of the salt ! 
 
 Mary. Ah woe's me ! I'd forgotten that too ! I 
 doubt it would quite spoil you? 
 
 Tho. No, no, Mary, I'm not quite spoiled: it's 
 true I went wigglety-wagglety (limping) for an hour 
 or so before I was right again : and when I got 
 right, and came to feel in my waistcoat pocket for 
 
 d2 
 
36 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 sawt, the dule o bit a sawt wurthur, for it wur aw 
 run owey — on new it jumpt into meh mind ot I 
 saigh two rott'n pyenots (hongum) ot tis seme brig 
 os eh coom. 
 
 Mea. Did ever! that wur o sign o bad fartin: 
 far I heard my gronny sey, hoode os leef o seen 
 two owd Harries os two pyenots. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, so seys meh noant Margit, on o 
 meeny o fok: on I know pyenots ar os cunning 
 eawls os wawk'n oth' yeorth. Boh as Fr telling 
 thee Meary, whot with smart, on one thing on on- 
 other, I're so stract woode, ot I cou'd ha fund eh 
 meh heart ta puncht th' bitches guts eawt: on 
 then I thowt ogen, Nip's eh no fawt! for be meh 
 troth I'r welly off at side. 
 
 Mea. Indeed, Tummus, I believe o; boh o lack 
 o dey! purring th' bitch wou'd ha bin reet rank. 
 
 Turn. That's true ; boh theaw knows one cun 
 boh doo whot tey cun doo. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 37 
 
 my salt, the devil a bit of salt was there, for it was 
 all run away — and now it jumpt into my mind that 
 I saw two rotten pyenots (magpies) hang 'em! at 
 this same bridge as I came. 
 
 Mary. Did ever ! that was a sign of bad for- 
 tune : for I heard my granny say, she'd as soon see 
 two old Harrys as two pyenots. 
 
 Tho. Aye, so says my Aunt Margit, and a many 
 folks : and I know pyenots are as cunning owls as 
 walk on the earth. But I was telling thee, Mary, 
 what with smart, and one thing or another, I was 
 so stark mad, that I could have found in my heart 
 to have punched the bitch's guts out; and then I 
 thought again, Nip's in no fault ! for by my troth 
 I was nearly beside myself. 
 
 Mary. Indeed, Thomas, I believe you; but 
 alack-a-day, punching the bitch would have been 
 right wrong. 
 
 Tho. That's true ; but thou knowst one can but 
 do what we can do. 
 
( 38 ) 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 Worse frightened than hurt. 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Mea. Reet ; boh heaw didney doo with'r weet 
 clooas; wur'ney naw whelly parisht? 
 
 Turn. Yigh, be me troth ; I dithert ot meh teeth 
 hackt eh meh heeod ogen: boh that wur naw aw; 
 it begun t' be dark, on I'r beawt scoance in a 
 strawnge country, five o suse mile fro whoam; so 
 that I maundert ith' fields oboon two eawers, on 
 cou'd naw gawm where eh wur; for I moot os weel 
 o bin in o noon: on in I'd howd'n up meh hont I 
 cou'd no moor ha seen't in he con see o fleigh o 
 thee neaw ! On here it wur I geet into a gete : 
 for I thowt I heard summot coming, an if truth 
 mun be spok'n, I'r so feerfully breed, at meh hure 
 stood on eend, for theaw knows I noather knew 
 whooa, nor whot it moot be ! 
 
 Mea. True, Tummus, no marvil ot o wur so 
 flay'd ; it wur so fearfoo dark ! 
 
( 39 ) 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 Worse frightened than hurt. 
 
 Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Mary. But how did you do with your clothes, 
 wasn't you nearly perished? 
 
 Tho. Aye, by my troth ; I quaked that my teeth 
 knocked in my head again ; but that was not all ; 
 it began to be dark and I without a lanthorn in a 
 strange country, five or six miles from home : so 
 that I wandered in the fields about two hours, and 
 could not guess where I was, for I might as well 
 have been in an oven, and if I'd held up my hand 
 I could no more have seen it than I can see a flea 
 upon thee now! And here it was I got into a 
 fright, for I thought I heard something coming, 
 and if truth must be spoken, I was so fearfully 
 frightened that my hair stood on end, for thou 
 knows I neither knew who, nor what it might be ! 
 
 Mary. True, Thomas, no wonder you was so 
 frightened : it was so fearful dark ! 
 
40 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Heawe'er, I resolv't meyth' best on't, an 
 up speek I — Wooas tat? A lad's voice answert 
 in a crying din, " Elaw, dunnaw tey meh, dunnaw 
 tey meh!" Now, sed I, I'll naw tey the, beleady: 
 whooas lad art to? Whau, sed he, I'm Jone's 
 o'Lall's o'Simmy's, o'Marriom's o'Dick's o'Ne- 
 thon's, o'Lall's o'Simmy's ith' Hooms, an I'm goo- 
 ink whoam. Odd, thinks Ft meh sell, theaw's a 
 dree-er neme in me : an here, Meary, I cou'd naw 
 boh think whot lung nemes sum on us han; for 
 thine and mine ar meeterly ; boh this lad's wur so 
 mitch dree-er, ot I thowt it dockt mine tone hawve. 
 Mea. Preo na, tell meh ha theese lung nemes 
 leet'n? 
 
 Turn. Urn — m — mn, le meh see — I connaw tell 
 the greadly, boh I think its to tell fok by. 
 Mea. Well, an ha didneh gooa on with him? 
 Turn. Then (as I thowt he tawkt so awkertly) 
 I'd ash him for th' wonst whot uncoth's he heard 
 sturrink. — I here none, but ot Jack o'Ned's towd 
 meh, ot Sam's o' Jack's o'Yed's Marler, has wed 
 Mall o'Nan's o'Sall's o'Peg's, ot gus obeawt o beg- 
 gink churn-milk with pitcher, with lid on. Then 
 I asht him where Jack o'Ned's wooant? Seys 
 he, he's 'prentice weh Isaac o'Tim's o'Nick's oth' 
 Hough-lone ; an he'd bin ot Jammy's o'George's 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 41 
 
 Tho. However, I was resolved to make the best 
 of it, and up spoke I — Who's that? A lad's voice 
 answered in a crying din, — " Aye, lawk! do not 
 take me! do not take me!" No, said I, I'll not take 
 thee, by our Lady, whose lad art thou? Why, said 
 he, I am John's o'Lall's o'Simmy's, o'Marriom's 
 o'Dick's o'Nethon's, o'Lall's o'Simmy's in the lanes, 
 and I am going home. Odds, thinks I to myself, 
 thou'st along name in thee : and here, Mary, I could 
 not but think what long names some of us have, for 
 thine and mine are moderate ; but this lad's was so 
 much longer, that I thought it cut mine into one half. 
 
 Mary. Prithee now, tell me how these long 
 names happen? 
 
 Tho. Um — m — n, let me see! I cannot tell 
 well, but I suppose it is to know folks by. 
 
 Mary. Well and did you go on with him? 
 
 Tho. Then (as I thought he talked so awk- 
 wardly) I'd ask him for the once what news he 
 heard stirring. I hear none, he said, but Sam 
 Marler has married Moll Pegs, and goes about 
 begging butter-milk with a pitcher with a lid on. — 
 Then I asked him where Jack at Ned's lived? 
 Says he, he's 'prentice with Isaac o'Tim's o'Nick's 
 of the Hough-lane, and he'd been at Jemmy's 
 o'George's o'Peter's in the Dingles for half a pound 
 
4$ THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 o'Peter's ith' Dingles for hoave a peawnd o treacle 
 t' seaws'n a beest-puddink weh, on his feather and 
 moother wooan at JRossendow, boh his gronney's 
 alive an wooans weh his noant Margery a Grinfilt, 
 at pleck where his nown moother coom fro. Good 
 lad, sed I, boh heew far's tis Littlebrough off; for 
 I aimt' see it to neet if he con hit. Seys t' lad, 
 it's obeawt a mile, on yo mun keep streight forrud 
 o yer lift hont, on yoan happ'n do. So a thiss'n 
 we partit; but I mawkint, an lost me gete ogen 
 snap. So I powlert o'er yetes on steels, hedges 
 on doytches, til eh coom to this Littlebrough; on 
 there I'r ill breed ogen, for I thowt I'd seen a bog- 
 gart ; boh it prooft o mon weh o piece-woo, resting 
 im on o stoop ith' lone. As soon os eh cou'd speyk 
 for whackering, I asht him where ther wur an ele- 
 heawse? on he shoud meh: I went in on fund two 
 fat troddy fok, wun'nt teer: on theyd'n some oth' 
 warst fratchingst cumpany, ot e'er e saigh, for 
 theyr'n warrying, banning, on cawing on another 
 leawsy eawls, os thick os leet: heawe'er I pood o 
 cricket, on keaw'rt meh deawn ith' nook, o side 
 oth' hob : I'd no soyner done so, boh a feaw seawr 
 lookt felley, with o wythen kibbo he had in his 
 hont, slapt o sort of o wither meazzilt feas't mon, 
 sitch o thwang oth' scawp, ot aw varra reetcht ogen 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 43 
 
 of treacle to season a beest-pudding with, and his 
 father and mother live at Rossendow, but his 
 granny's alive and lives with his aunt Margery at 
 Greenfield, the place where his own mother came 
 from. Good lad, said I, but how far is Littlebo- 
 rough off, for I must see it to-night if I can hit it. 
 Says the lad, it's about a mile, and you must keep 
 straight forward on your left hand, and you'll find 
 it. So in this way we parted; but I was stupid, 
 and lost my way again soon. So I scrambled over 
 gates and styles, hedges and ditches, till I came to 
 this Littleborough ; and there I was worse fright- 
 ened again, for I thought I had seen an apparition ! 
 but it proved a man with a quantity of wool to 
 make a piece of cloth, resting himself on a stump 
 in the lane. As soon as I could speak for trem- 
 bling, I asked him where there was an alehouse? 
 and he showed me : I went in and found two fat- 
 bellied folks were there, and they'd some of the most 
 quarrelsome company I ever saw, for they were 
 cursing and swearing, and calling one another 
 lousy owls as thick as thee could meet with: how- 
 ever I pulled a stool, and stooped nie down in the 
 corner aside of the grate : I'd no sooner done so 
 than a foul sour-looking fellow, with a willow stick 
 in his hand, slapt a sort of a lusty rough-faced 
 
44 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 with; on deawn he coom oth' harstone, on his 
 heeod ith' esshole : his scrunt wig feel off, on o 
 hontle o whot couks feel into't, on brunt, on frizzlt 
 it so, ot when he ost don it, on unlucky karron gen 
 it o poo, on it slipt o'er his sow, on lee like o 
 hawmbark on his shilders. I glendurt like a stickt 
 tup, for fear on o dust meh seln : on crope fur into 
 th' chimney. Oytch body thowt ot mezzil fease 
 wou'd mey a flittink on't, on dee in a crack; so 
 sum on um cryd'n eawt, " a doctor a doctor" while 
 others mead'n th' landlort go saddle th' tit to fotch 
 one. While this wur e dooink, some on um had 
 leet on a kin on a doctor ot wooant o bit off, an 
 shew'd im th' mon oth' harstone. He leyd how'd 
 on his arm to feel his pulse I geawse, an pood os 
 if he'd sin death pooink at th' tother arm, an wur 
 resolv't o'er-poo him : after lookink dawkingly-wise 
 a bit, he geete fro his whirly booans, and sed to 
 um aw, " While his heart beeots an his blood sar- 
 clates there's hopes, boh when that stops its whooup 
 with him efeath." Mezzil fease hearink summon 
 o' whooup, startit to his feet, flote none, boh gran 
 like a foomurt-dog; on seete ot black swarffy tyke 
 weh booath neaves, on wawtit him o'er into th' 
 galkeer, ful o new drink wortching : he begun o 
 possing, on peyling him int' so, ot aw wur blendit 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 45 
 
 fellow, such a bang of the chops that he fairly 
 reeled again with: and down he came on the 
 hearthstone, with his head in the ash-hole: his 
 besom wig fell off, and a handful of hot coals fell 
 into it, and burnt and frizzled it so, that when he 
 tried to put it on, an unlucky chap gave it a pull 
 and it slipt over his head, and lay like a horse's 
 collar on his shoulders : I stared like a stuck tup, 
 for fear of a dust myself: and crept further into 
 the chimney. Each body thought the rough-faced 
 fellow would have made a departure of it, and die 
 in a crack; so some of them cried out, " a doctor! 
 a doctor!" whilst others made the landlord go sad- 
 dle the tit to fetch one. While this was a-doing 
 some of them found a hind of a doctor that lived 
 a bit off, and showed him the man on the hearth- 
 stone. He laid hold of his arm, to feel his pulse 
 I guess, and pulled as if he'd seen death pulling 
 at the other arm, and was resolved to over-pull him : 
 after looking foolishly wise a while, he got from his 
 knees and said to them all, " While his heart beats 
 and his blood circulates there's hope, but when 
 that stops it's all up with him in faith." Fiery- 
 pimple-facp, hearing somewhat of " all up," started 
 to his feet, stopt none, but ran like a ferret dog ; and 
 set at the black swarthy chap with both fists, and 
 
46 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 t'gether snap. 'Sflesh, Meary ! theaw'd o bepiss't 
 teh, 'ta' seen heaw'th gobbin wur awtert, when ot 
 tey pood'n him eawt; and whot o hobthrust eh 
 lookt weh aw that berm obeawt im. He kept 
 droying his een: boh he moot as weel ha sowt urn 
 in his a — e, tin th' lonledy had mede an eaw'rs 
 labbor on 'im ot pump : when he coom in ogen, 
 he glooart awvishly ot mezzil fease; on mezzil 
 fease glendurt os wrythenly ot im ogen ; boh noa- 
 ther warrit nor thrapt: so they seete urn deawn, 
 on then the londledy coom in, on wou'd mey um't 
 pay far th' lumber ot teyd'n done ur. " Meh 
 drink's war be o creawn," sed hoo ; " beside, there's 
 two tumblers, three quifting pots, on four pipes 
 masht, on o how papper o bacca shed :" this mede 
 'umt glendor ot tone tother ogen ; but black tyke's 
 passion wur coolt at't pump, on th' wythen kibbo 
 had quiet'nt tother; so ot teh camm'd little or 
 none, boh agreed t'pey aw meeon, then seet'n um 
 deawn, on wur friends ogen in o sniff. 
 
 Mea. This wur mad gawmbling wark; on welly 
 os ill os th' teying th' eawl. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 47 
 
 overturned him into the tub in which the drink 
 was working : he began a knocking and thumping 
 him into it so, that all blended together quickly. 
 Sflesh, Mary! thou'd have watered to have seen 
 how the gaby was altered when that they pulled 
 him out ; and what an apparition he looked, with 
 all the yeast and froth of the drink about him. 
 He kept drying his eyes ; but he might as well 
 have sought them in his bottom, until the landlady 
 had made an hour's labour upon him at the pump : 
 when he came in again he looked queerly at pim- 
 pled-face, and pimpled-face looked as illnaturedly 
 at him again; but neither swore nor blackguarded: 
 so they set 'em down, and then the landlady came 
 in and would make them pay for the mischief they 
 had done her. " My drink's worse by a crown," 
 said she; " besides, there's two tumblers, three 
 half-gills, and four pipes smashed, and a whole 
 paper of tobacco shed :" this made them stare at 
 each other again; but the black chap's passion 
 was cooled at the pump, and the willow stick had 
 quieted the other, so they grumbled little or none, 
 but agreed to pay all between them, then sat them 
 down, and were good friends again in a whiff. 
 
 Mary. This was mad rambling work ; and 
 nearly as bad as the taking of the owl. 
 
48 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Ney, naw quite noather, Meary ; for 
 berm's o howsome smell : heawe'er, when aw wur 
 sattFt, I crope nar th' foyar ogen; for I wantot o 
 whawm fearfully, for I'r booath cowd on weet, os 
 well as hongry on droy. 
 
 Mea. Beleemy, Tummus, yo mootn weell ; boh 
 yoarn in o good kele too to, ot idd'n money eh 
 yer pocket. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, I thowt I'd. money enough; boh 
 theawst hear moor o that een na. So I cawd for 
 summot t'eat, on o pint o ele ; on hoo browt me 
 some hog-mutt'n on special turmits ; on as prime 
 veeol on pestil os ned be toucht: I creemt Nip 
 neaw on then o lunshun, boh Turn took care oth' 
 tother, steawp on reawp ; for I eet like o Yorshar- 
 mon 9 en cleeart th' stoo. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 49 
 
 Tho. No, not quite, for yeast has a wholesom 
 smell : however, when all was settled, I crept near 
 to the fire again, for I wanted a warm sadly, — for 
 I was both cold and wet, as well as hungry and 
 dry. 
 
 Mary. Believe me, Thomas, you might well be 
 so ; but you're in a good place too, and you had 
 money in your pocket. 
 
 Tko. Ay, I thought I had money enough ; but 
 thoult hear more of that just now. So I called 
 for something to eat, and a pint of ale ; and she 
 brought me some pork and raw turnips, and as 
 fine veal and ham as need to be touched : I 
 crammed Nip now and then with a luncheon, but 
 Tom took care of the other, every bit ; for I eat 
 like a Yorkshire-man, and cleared the table. 
 
( 50 ) 
 
 SCENE V. 
 Nought to Pay 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Mea. Well done, Tummus ! yoad'n sure need 
 no ree supper, for yo shadd'n wrynot, on slanst th' 
 charges frowt, I hear. 
 
 Turn. True ; so I seete on restut meh, on drank 
 me pint o ele; boh as I'r naw greadly sleckt, I 
 cawd for another, on bezzilt tat too, for I'r os 
 droy as soot ; on as't wur t' lete t'gooa anny whi- 
 ther weh meh bitch, I askt th' londledey in eh 
 cou'd staw aw neet; hoo towd meh I moot in eh 
 wou'd. Sed I, I'll geaw neaw, innin geaw wim- 
 mey. I geaw with thee, ko hoo? whot ar to 
 feeard o boggarts, or theaw'rt naw weynt yet, on 
 connaw sleep beawt o pap ? 'Sflesh, sed I, whot 
 are ye tawking on? I want gut' bed. Ho, ho, 
 if that be aw, sed hoo, Margits't show thee. So 
 
( 51 ) 
 
 SCENE V. 
 Shot, and no Money* 
 
 Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Mary. Well done, Thomas ! you'd sure need 
 no second supper, for you eat so much that 
 you took the profits from it, I hear. 
 
 Tho. True ; so I sat and rested myself, and 
 drank my pint of ale; but as I had not well 
 quenched my thirst, I called for another, and 
 took that in too, for I was as dry as soot; and as 
 it was too late to go any where with my bitch, 
 poor Nip, I asked the landlady if she could let me 
 rest all night ; she told me I might, if I would. 
 Said I, I'll go now, if you'll go with me. I go 
 with thee, say you? what, art thou afraid of 
 ghosts, or thou'rt not weaned yet, and cannot 
 sleep without the breast? 'Sflesh, said I, what 
 art thou talking of? I want to go to bed. Ho, 
 
 e2 
 
52 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Margit leet o condle, on shewd meh o wistey 
 reawm, on o bed weh curtnurs forsuth ! I thowt 
 Margit pottert on fettlt lung i'th choamber ofore 
 ho laft it, on I mistrust it ot hoor 'meawlt for o bit 
 o tussling on teawing ; boh o someheaw I'r so 
 toyart on healo, ot I'r eh no fettle for catterweaw- 
 ing, so I sed nowt too 'ur ; boh I forthowt sin, for 
 hoor no daggletele I'll uphowdtey, boh os snug o 
 loss os Seroh o'Rutchots eary bit. 
 
 Mea. Marry kem eawt! like enough, why not? 
 Is Seroh o'Rutchots so honsome ? 
 
 Turn. Eigh, hoos meeterly. Heawe'er, when 
 hoor gon, I doft meh donk shoon on hoyse, on 
 me doage clooas, on geet in; on eh truth, Meary, 
 I newer lee eh sitch bed sin eh wur kersunt. 
 
 Mea. E dear Tummus, I cou'd ha lik't o bin 
 with o ; I warrant yoad'n sleep seawndly ? 
 
 Turn. Ney, I connaw sey ot he did, for I'r 
 meetily troublt abeawt me kawve : besides, I'r 
 feeard o eawer fok seeching meh, on meh measter 
 beasting meh when he geet whooam ; its true meh 
 carkuss wur pratty yeasy, boh meh mind moot os 
 weel o line on o pissmotehoyle, or in o rook o hoi- 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 53 
 
 ho, if that be all, said she, Marg'ret will show 
 thee. So Marg'ret lighted a candle, and showed 
 me a large room, and a bed with curtains forsooth ! 
 I thought Marg'ret was confused and lingered 
 long in the chamber before she left it, and I sus- 
 pected that she longed for a bit of pulling and 
 hauling ; but somehow I was so tired and bashful 
 that I was in no humour for caterwauling, so I 
 said nothing to her ; but I have forethought my- 
 self since, for she was no dirty one, I'll assure thee, 
 but as nice a lass as Sarah at Richard's, every bit. 
 
 Mary. Marry come up ! like enough, why not? 
 Is Sarah at Richard's so handsome ? 
 
 Tho. Ay, she's moderately. However, when 
 she was gone, I took off my wet shoes and hose, 
 and my wet clothes, and got in; and in truth, 
 Mary, I never lay in such a bed since I was 
 christened. 
 
 Mary. O dear Thomas, I should have liked to 
 have been with you ; I warrant you'd sleep soundly ? 
 
 Tho. Nay, I cannot say that I did, for I was 
 much troubled about my calf: besides, I was 
 afraid of our folk seeking me, and my master beat- 
 ing me when I got home; it's true, my carcass 
 was pretty easy, but my mind might as well have 
 lain in an ant's hole, or on a heap of holly or 
 
54 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 
 
 lins or gorses, for it wur one o'clock ofore eh cou'd 
 toyn me een. 
 
 Mea. Well, on heaw went'n ye on ith' mourning 
 when eh wack'nt? 
 
 Turn. Whau, as I'r donning meh thwooanish 
 clooas, I thowt I'll know heaw meh shot stons 
 ofore I'll wear moor o meh brass o meh brekfust : 
 so I cawd, on th' londledey coom, on kest it up 
 to throtteen-pence ! So, thowt I t' meh seln, o 
 weawnded deeol ! whot strushon hav I mede here ! 
 I cou'd ha fund meh seln o how wick weh hus for 
 that money. I'st naw hav one boadle t' sphere o 
 meh " ohyde silver :" on neaw I'r in os ill o kele 
 meetshad, wur eh naw ? 
 
 Mea. Now marry! naw yo: in idd'n mede 
 strusshion, on bezzilt owey moor brass inney 
 hadd'n, yo met'n ha tawkt. 
 
 Turn. I find teaw con tell true to a hure, into 
 ■will, Meary; boh, byth' miss! when ot eh coom't 
 grope eh meh slop t' pey 'ur, I'r weawndedly 
 glopp'nt, for the dule o hawpunny had eh! on 
 whether eh lost it ith' bruck, or weh scrawming 
 o'er th' doytch-backs, I no moor know in th' mon 
 ith' moon, boh gon it wur ! I steart like o wil-cat, 
 on wur welly gawmless : on ot last I towd hur I'd 
 lost meh money. Sed hoo, whot dunneh meeon 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 55 
 
 gorse, for it was one o'clock before I could close 
 my eyes. 
 
 Mary. Well, and how got you on in the morn- 
 ing, when you wakened ? 
 
 2720. Why, as I was putting on my wettish 
 clothes, I thought I'll know how my shot stands 
 before I'll spend more of my brass at my break- 
 fast : so I called, and the landlady came, and cast 
 it up to thirteen-pence ! So, thought I to myself, 
 it's a plaguy deal ; what destruction have I made 
 here ! I could have found myself a whole week 
 with us for that money. I shall not have one 
 farthing to spare of my " Hide silver:" and now 
 I was in as bad a case as could be, wasn't I now? 
 
 Mary. No, marry ! not you : if you had made 
 away with more money than you had, you might 
 have talked. 
 
 Tom. I find thou can'st tell true to a hair, if 
 thou wilt, Mary ; but, by the mass ! when I came 
 to grope in the bottom of my pocket to pay her, I 
 was woundily frightened, for the devil a ha'penny 
 had I ! and whether I had lost it in the brook or 
 with scrambling over the ditch banks, I no more 
 knew than the man in the moon, but gone it was ! 
 I stared like a wild cat and was nearly motionless : 
 at last I told her I had lost my money! Said she, 
 
56 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 rnon ; yoast naw put Yorshar o me ? that tele 
 winnaw fit meh ; for yoar liket' pey o sumheaw. 
 Sed I, boh its true, on yo mey grope eh meh 
 breeches in he win. Theaw'rt some mismanert 
 jackonapes I'll uphowd tey, sey hoo: ney, ney, I'st 
 naw grope eh the breeches, not I. Whau, sed I, 
 yoar lik't ha nowt, beawt yean tey meh woollen 
 mittins, and meh sawt cleawt. Thoos'n naw doo, 
 sed hoo, they're naw booath worth aboon two 
 groats. I nowt elze, sed I, beawt yean ha meh 
 sneeze hum, on I'm loath t' part weet, becose 
 Seroh o'Rutchots gaight me th' last kersmuss. 
 Let's see um, sed hoo, for theow'rt some arron 
 rascot I'll uphowd teh. So I gen um her; on still 
 this broddling fussock lookt feaw os tunor when 
 I'd done. 
 
 Meet. Good-lorjus-o-me ! I think idd'n th' warst 
 luck ot ewer kersun soul had. 
 
 Turn. Theaw'll say so eend neaw! Well, I'r 
 toyart o that pleck, on crope owey witheawt bit or 
 sope, or cup o sneeze ; for I gawmbl't on leet tat 
 gooa too. I soyn sperr'd this gentlemon's hoah 
 eawt ; on when eh geete tear, I gan o glent into 
 th' shipp'n, on seed o mon stonning ith' groop. 
 Sed I, is yer measter o' whoam, prey o? Eigh, 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 
 
 57 
 
 what do you mean man? you are now putting 
 Yorkshire on me, that tale will not suit me, for 
 you are like to pay it somehow. Said I, but it's 
 true, and you may feel in my breeches if you will. 
 Thou art some mismannered jackanapes, I'll up- 
 hold thee, said she: nay, nay, I'll not feel in thy 
 breeches, not I. Well, said I, you are like to have 
 nought, without you'll take my woollen gloves, and 
 my clout, I had carried the salt in. Those will 
 not do, said she, they are not both worth above 
 two groats. I have nought else, said I, without 
 you'll have my snuff horn, and I'm loth to part 
 with it, because Sarah at Richards's gave it me 
 last Christmas. Let's see them, said she, for thou 
 art some arrant rascal I'll uphold thee. So I gave 
 them to her ; and still this fat fussock of a woman 
 looked as black as thunder when I'd done. 
 
 Mary. Good gracious ! I think you'd the worst 
 luck that ever christian soul had. 
 
 Tko. Thou'lt say so just now! Well, I was tired 
 of the place, and^crept away without bite or sup, 
 or pinch of snuff; for I played the fool and let 
 that go too. I soon spied the gentleman's hall 
 out; and when I got there, I gave a look into the 
 cow-house, and saw a man standing in the cow's 
 stall. Said I, is your master at home pray? 
 
58 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 sed he, I wou'd idd'n tell him I'd fene speyk at 
 him, sed I. Yigh, sed he, that I'll doo. So he'r 
 no soyner gooan, boh a fine, fattish, throbby gen- 
 tlemon, coom in a trice, on axt meh whot he 
 wantut? Sed I, I understond yo want'n o good 
 bandyhewit, sur, on I've a pure on t* sell here. 
 Let's see th' shap on hur, sed he; so I stroakt 
 hur deawn th' back, on croobb'd hur oth' greawnd. 
 Hoos th' fin'st ot ew'ry saigh, sed he ; boh I deawt 
 things'n leet unluckily for the ; for I geete two this 
 last week, on they mey'dn up meh keawnt. — Neaw 
 Meary, I'r ready t' cruttle deawn, for theaw moot 
 o knockt meh o'er with a pey. — Boh whot's teh 
 price, sed he ? I connaw thwooal hur t' meh nown 
 broother under o ginny, sed I. Hoos cheeop o 
 that, sed he ; on no deawt boh theaw mey sell hur. 
 
 Mea. Odds like ! yoarn lung eh finding o chap- 
 men ; oytchbody'r awlus fittut so. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, fittut eigh; far they ned'n none no 
 moor in I need wetur eh meh shoon, not tey : but 
 theaw'st hear. Then sed he, there's an old cratch- 
 enly gentlemon, ot wooans ot yon heawse, omung 
 yon trees, meet anent us ; ot I believe '11 gi thee 
 the price : if not, justice sitch o one's o likely chap, 
 iftle goo thither. Sed I, I'r there last oandurth, 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 59 
 
 Ay, said he. I would you would tell I would 
 feign speak to him, said I. Ay, said he, that 
 I'll do. So he was no sooner gone, but a 
 fine fattish bulky gentleman came in a trice, and 
 asked me what I wanted ? Said I, I under- 
 stand you want a good bandyhewit, and I've a 
 rare one to sell here. Let me see the shape of 
 her, said he : so I stroked her down the back, and 
 gently put her on the ground. She's the finest 
 I ever saw, said he, but I doubt things fall un- 
 luckily for thee, for I got two this last week, and 
 they made up my count. Now, Mary, I was ready 
 to sink down, and thou might have knocked me 
 over with a pea. But what is the price said he? 
 I cannot afford her to my own brother under a 
 guinea, said I. She's cheap at that, said he ; and 
 no doubt but thou may sell her. 
 
 Mary. It's not like, for you're long in finding a 
 chapman, each body's always supplied so. 
 
 Tho. Ay, supplied ay, for they wanted none, 
 no more than I did water in my shoes, not they : 
 but thou'lt hear. Then, said he, there is an old 
 feeble gentleman that lives at yonder house among 
 those trees, just opposite to us; that I believe will 
 give thee thy price: if not, justice such-a-one is a 
 likely chap if thou'lt go thither. Said I, I was 
 
60 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 on he'd leet o oneth yeandurth ofore. That leet 
 feawly for the, sed he. Eigh, sed I, so it e'en did ; 
 for I mede o peaw'r o labber obeawt it I'm shure. 
 Well boh this owd gentlemon's lik'ly'st of onny I 
 know. So I mede 'im meh manners, on seete eawt 
 for this tother pleck. 
 
 Mea. I hope in ha' better luck, egodsnum. 
 
 Turn. Whau, I thowt eh cou'd too: for neaw it 
 popt int' mind, ot Nip did naw howd her tele 
 heeigh enough, on ot fok wou'd naw buy her be- 
 cose o' that. On int' has naw freeat'n, I bowt two 
 eawnce o' pepper when id meh sawt; on tho' 'twur 
 os thodd'n os o thar-cake, I'd rub her a — se weet : 
 for I had seen Oamfrey o'Mathos pley that tutch 
 be his crewparst-mare, that dey ot Yem oth' Red- 
 bonk coom't buy hur. So meet ofore eh geet teear, 
 I took Nip, on rubb'd hur primely efeath ; een till 
 o' yeawlt ogen. I'r ot heawse in o crack, on leet 
 oth' owd mon ith' fowd, ossing t' geet o tit back. 
 Sed I too him, is yoarn neme Mr. Scar? Sed he, 
 theaw'r oather greeof, or greeof-by ; but I gex I'm 
 him ot to meeons: what wants to wimmey? I'm 
 infarmed, sed I, ot yo want'n o bandyhewit, on 
 I've o tiptop on eh meh arms here os onny's eh 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 61 
 
 there last evening, and he had lighted of one the 
 morning before. That fell badly for thee, said he. 
 Aye, said I, so it even did ! for I made a deal of 
 talk about it I'm sure. Well, but this old gentle- 
 man is the likeliest of any I know. So I made him 
 my manners (by bowing) and set out for this other 
 place. 
 
 Mary. I hope you'll have better luck, in God's 
 name. 
 
 Tho. Why, I thought I could too, for now it 
 came into my mind, that Nip did not hold her tail 
 high enough, and that folk would not buy her on 
 account of that; and if thou hast not forgotten, I 
 I bought two ounces of pepper when I'd my salt; 
 and although it was as sodden as an oaten cake, 
 I'd rub her with it; for I'd seen Humphrey at 
 Mathews's play that trick by his bay-breeched 
 mare that day that Jem of the Red Bank came to 
 buy her. So just before I got there, I rubbed her 
 primely in faith; even till she yelled again. I was 
 at the house in a crack, and found the old man in 
 the yard, beginning to get on horseback. Said I 
 to him, is your name Mr. 8car ? . Said he, thou'rt 
 either right or very near it, but I guess I am he 
 that thou means ; what wants thou with me ? I am 
 informed, said I, you want a bandyhewit, and I've 
 
62 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Englandshiar. That's a greyt breeod, sed he; 
 but prethe let's hondle hur o bit, for in eh tutch 
 hur, I con tell whether hoo's reet bred or naw. 
 
 Mea. Odd, but that wur o meety fawse owd 
 felly, too-to. 
 
 Turn. 'Sflesh, Meary! I think eh meh guts ot 
 he'r th' bigg'st rascot on um aw : boh I leet im 
 hondle'r, on he'r so seely, on his honds wackert so 
 despratly, ot he cou'd naw stick too hur, on hoo 
 leep deawn. Neaw fort, thowt I, Nip ; cock the 
 tele on show the sell ; boh estid ot that, hoo seet 
 up o yeawll, clapt th' tele between hur legs, on 
 crope into o hoyle ith' horse-stone ! 
 
 Mea. Fye onn'r, I'st ha bin os mad attur os o 
 pottert-wasp. 
 
 Turn. Whau, I'r os mad os teaw cou'd be, ot 
 hoode shawmt hur so wofully ; heaw'eer I sed to 
 th' owd mon, munneh tak' ur ogen for yoan find 
 hoose no foogoad on a bitch! Now, now, sed he, 
 I feel os fat os o snig, on os smoot os o mowde- 
 warp : on I find os plene os o pike-staff, be hur 
 lennock yeears, ot hoose reet bread : on I'd a had 
 'ur if hoode cost meh o moider, but ot o friend has 
 sent meh one eawto Yorshar, on I need no moor: 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 63 
 
 a tiptop one in my arms as any in England. That's 
 a great breed, said he, but prithee let's feel her a 
 bit, for if I touch her, I can tell whither she is a 
 right breed or not, 
 
 Mary. Egad, but that was a mighty false old 
 fellow to be sure. 
 
 Tho. 'Sflesh, Mary, I think in my guts he was 
 the biggest rascal of them all : but I let him exa- 
 mine her, and he was so weakly, and his hands 
 shook so desperately, that he could not stick to 
 her, and she jumpt down. Now for it, thought I, 
 Nip, cock thy tail and show thyself: but instead 
 of that, she set up a yell, clapt the tail between her 
 two legs, and crept into the hole under the horse- 
 block. 
 
 Mary. Fye upon her, I should have been as 
 mad at her as a vexed wasp. 
 
 Tho. Why, I was as mad as thou couldst be, that 
 she had showed herself so shamefully; however I 
 said to the old man, must I take her again, for 
 you'll find she's no lap-dog! No, no, said he, I 
 feel she's as fat as a snig, and as smooth as a mole : 
 and I find as plain as a pikestaff, by her pliant 
 slender ears that she's of the right breed: and I'd 
 have had her, if she had cost me a moidore, but 
 that a friend has sent me one out of Yorkshire, 
 
64 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 boh I'll swop with the into will. Now, sed I, I'll 
 swop none : for I'll oather have a ginny for hur, 
 or hoost newer gooa while meh heeod stons o meh 
 shilders. Then I con chaffer none with the, sed 
 he; boh hast' bin ot yon fine bigging anentus? 
 Eigh, sed I, boh he's onoo on urn. Well but 
 they're os scant neaw os ewer the wur eh this warld, 
 sed he ; on there's one Muslin eh Ratchdaw, ot's 
 o meety lover on um. Whau, sed I, I'st go see. 
 On neaw Meary, I begun t' mistrust ot tearn'n 
 meying ofoo on meh! 
 
 Mea. The firrups tak' um, boh tey ne'er wur be 
 aw o like. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 65 
 
 and I need no more, but I'll change with thee if 
 thou wilt. No, said I, I'll swop none, for I'll either 
 have a guinea for her, or she never goes while 
 my head stands on my shoulders. Then I can 
 bargain none with thee, says he; but hast thou 
 been at that big house opposite? Aye, said I, 
 (snappishly) but he's enough of them. Well but 
 they are as scarce now as ever they were in the 
 world, said he; and there's one Muslin at Roch- 
 dale, that is a mighty lover of them. Well, said 
 I, I'll go and see. And now Mary, I began to 
 mistrust they were making a fool of me! 
 
 Mary. The device take them, but they never 
 could be all alike. 
 
( 66 ) 
 
 SCENE VI. 
 More thumps than aw pence. 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Turn. Whau, boh howd tey tung o bit, on 
 theawst hear ; for I thought I'd try this tother fel- 
 ley, on if he'r gett'n fittut too, I'd try no moor: for 
 then it wou'd be os plene os Blackstonehedge ot 
 team meying oh arron gawby on meh. So I went 
 t' Ratchdaiv, on sperr'd 'tis mon eawt. I found 
 im o back oth' shopboort, weh o little dog ot side 
 on 'im: thowt I t'meh seln I would teaw'a choak't 
 this felley '11 be fittut too, I deawt. Well, sed he, 
 onnist mon whot done yo pleeost' hav? I want 
 nowt ot he han, sed I, for I'm come'n t' sell ye o 
 bandyhewit. Neaw, Meary, this rascot os weel 
 ost' rest, roost meh bitch to the varra welkin ; but 
 ot tat time — he did naw want one! 
 
(67 ) 
 
 SCENE VI. 
 More blows than looked for. 
 
 Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Tho. Well, but hold thy tongue a bit and 
 thou It hear; for I thought I'd try this other fellow, 
 and if he has got fixed too, I would try no more ; 
 for then it would be as plain as Blackstone Hedge* 
 that they were making an arrant jack-ass of me. 
 So I went to Rochdale, and looked this man out. 
 I found him at the back of the shopboard, with a 
 little dog aside of him: thought I to myself I would 
 thou was choked, this fellow will be fixed too, I 
 doubt. Well, said he, honest man, what do you 
 please to have? I want nothing that you have, 
 said I, for I am come to sell you a bandyhewit. 
 Now, Mary, this rascal, as well as the rest, praised 
 my bitch to the skies ; but at that time — he did 
 not want one! 
 
 * An extensive hill near Rochdale. 
 
68 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. E wea's me, Tummus! I deawt team 
 meying o parfit neatril on o ! 
 
 Turn. O, neatril! eigh, th' big'st ot ewer wur 
 mede sin Kene kilt Ebil! on neaw I'r so strackt 
 woode I'r arronly moydert, on cou'd ha fund eh 
 meh heart't a jowd aw ther sows together. I'r no 
 soyner areawt, boh o threave o rabblement wer 
 watching on meh at t' dur. One on um sed, this 
 is im; onother, he's here; on one basturtly-gullion 
 asht mey if I'd sowd meh bandy hewit? By th' 
 miss, Meary, I'r so augurt ot tat, ot I up weh meh 
 gripp'n neave, on hit im o good wherrit oth' yeear, 
 on then weh meh hough puncht him into th' rig- 
 got; on ill grim'd on deet th' lad wur for shure: 
 then they aw seete ogen meh, on ofore I'd gon o 
 rood, ih' lad's moother coom, on crope sawfly be- 
 hunt meh, on geete meh by th' hewer, on deawn 
 coom Nip on me ith' rindle, on th' hoor ot top on 
 meh : while th' tuffle lastit, hur lad (on the basturts 
 ot took his part) kept griming, on deeting meh 
 weh sink durt, ot I thowt meh een would newer 
 ha done good ogen; for I moot os weel ha bin 
 o'er the heeod in o midding spuce, or ot teying o 
 two eawls. 
 
 Mea. E walla dey, whot obunnanze o misfartins 
 yo had'n. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 69 
 
 Mary. Eh! dear me, Thomas! I doubt they 
 were making a perfect natural of thee ! 
 
 Tho. A natural! aye, the biggest that ever was 
 made since Cain killed Abel ! and now I was so 
 stark-mad, I was downright bothered, and could 
 have found in my heart to have jolted all their 
 heads together. I was no sooner out of doors but 
 a posse of rabble were w r aiting for me at the door. 
 One of them said, this is him ; another, he's here ; 
 and one bastardly bastard asked if I had sold my 
 bandyhewit? By the mass, Mary, I was so an- 
 gered at that, that I up with my griffined fists and 
 hit him a good thump on the head, and then with 
 my foot kicked him into the channel ; and all be- 
 mired with dirt the lad was for sure : then they all 
 set against me, and before I had gone a rood, the 
 lad's mother came, and crept softly behind me, and 
 got me by the hair, and down came Nip with me 
 
 into the channel, and the at top of me : while 
 
 the struggle lasted, her lad (and the bastards who 
 took his part) kept besmearing me with street dirt, 
 and I thought my eyes would never have done 
 good again; for I might as well have been over 
 head in a horse wash or at the taking of tivo owls. 
 Mary. Ah! well-a-day! what abundance of mis- 
 fortunes you had. 
 
70 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn, Eigh, for if Owd Nick owt me a spite, he 
 pede me whoam weh use : for while the skirmidge 
 lastut, owth teawn wur cluttert obeawt us : I sheamt 
 os if I'd stown summut, on skampurt owey weh o 
 fleigh eh me yeear, on up th' broo into th' church- 
 yort : there I'd o mind t' see if onney body follut 
 meh, I turn'd meh, on who te dule dust think? 
 boh I'd los Nip. 
 
 Me a. Whot senneh ! 
 
 Turn. It's true, Meary ; so I cawd, on I whewtit, 
 boh no Nip wur t' be fund, hee nor low : on far 
 aw I knew meh measter seete sitch stoar on hur, 
 becose o fotchink th' beaoss on sheep, I durst os 
 tite o tean o bear by th' tooth ostta os seech hur 
 ith' teawn. So I took eendwey, for it wur welly 
 neet ; on I'd had noather bit nor sope, nor cup o 
 sneeze of aw that dey. 
 
 Mea. Why, yoad'n be os gaunt os grewnt; on 
 welly fammisht. 
 
 Turn. I tell the, Meary, Fr welly moydart: then 
 I thowt meh heart wou'd ha sunk int' meh shoon ; 
 for it feld os heavy os o mustert boah, on I stanck 
 so, it mede meh os waughish os owt, on I'd two 
 or three wetur tawms : beside aw this, meh belly 
 warcht; on eh this fettle I munt daddle whoam, 
 on fease meh measter! 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 71 
 
 Tho. Aye, for if Old Nick owed me a spite, he 
 paid me home with use: for while the skirmish 
 lasted, all the town was gathered about us : I was 
 shamed as if I'd stolen something, and scampered 
 away with a flea in my ear, and up the hill into the 
 churchyard: there I'd a mind to see if any body 
 followed me. I turned me, and what the devil 
 dost think? but I had lost Nip. 
 
 Mary. What say you ! 
 
 Tho. It's true, Mary ! so I called and I whistled, 
 but no Nip was to be found, high or low : and for 
 all I knew my master set such store on her, be- 
 cause of fetching the beast and sheep, I durst as 
 soon have taken a bear by the tooth, as to attempt 
 to seek her in the town. So I took the straight- 
 way, for it was nearly night ; and I'd neither had 
 bit or sup, or pinch of snuff, all that day. 
 
 Mary. Why, you'd be as empty as the ground, 
 and nearly famished. 
 
 Tho. I'll tell thee, Mary, I was nearly non-plused ; 
 then I thought my heart would have sunk in my 
 shoes, for it felt as heavy as a mustard ball, and I 
 stunk so ! that it made me as faintish as any thing, 
 and I had two or three water vomits : besides all 
 this my belly ached ; and in this state I must dan- 
 dle home, and face my master! 
 
72 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. E dear! whot o kin of o beawt had'n ye 
 well him? 
 
 Turn. Whau, I'st tell the moor o that eend 
 neaw : b'o furst theaw mun know, that os I'r goo- 
 ink toart whom os denawnheartit on mallancholy 
 os a methodist ot thinks he's in pig of Owd Harry, 
 o mon o'ertook meh riding o tit back on leeoding 
 onother : thinks I t' meh sell, this is some Yorshar 
 horse jockey ; I wou'd he'd le meh ride ; for theaw 
 mun know I'r wofoo weak on waughish. This 
 thought had hardly glentit thro' meh nob before 
 ot felly sed, " Come, honesty, theaw looks os if to 
 wur ill toy art, theawst ride o bit, into will." That's 
 whot eh want, sed I, in ye pleeas'n, for I'm welly 
 done. So loothe Meary I geet on; on I thought 
 eh neer rid yeasier sin eh cou'd geet o hump- 
 stridd'n o tit back. 
 
 Mea. A good deed, Tummus; that wur no ill 
 felly ; yoad'n ha no ill luck ot tis beawt e goddil. 
 
 Turn. E, Meary, theaws een gext rank monny 
 on mony o time, on neaw theaw p — sses by the 
 bowogen; for I wou'd i'd ridden eawr Billy's 
 hobby horse a howdey together estid o getting o 
 this tit : for hark the meh, we'd naw ridd'n oboon 
 five rood but felly asht meh heaw far I'r gooink 
 that wey? Seys I, obeawt a mile on o hoave. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 73 
 
 Mary. Eh dear! what a sort of a bout had you 
 with him? 
 
 Tho. Why, I'll tell you more of that just now: 
 but first thou must know, that as I was going 
 towards home as downhearted and melancholy as 
 a methodist, who thinks he's in pig of Old Harry, a 
 man overtook me riding on horseback and leading 
 another ; thinks I to myself, this is some Yorkshire 
 horse jockey; I would he'd let me ride: for thou 
 must know I was sadly weak and faintish. This 
 thought had hardly struck into my head before the 
 fellow said, " Come honesty, thou looks as if thou 
 was badly tired, thou may ride a bit if thou hast a 
 mind." That's what I want, said I, if you please, 
 for I am nearly done. So, look you, Mary, I got 
 on; and I thought I never rid so easily since I 
 could get a cross-stride a horseback. 
 
 Mary. A good deed, Thomas ; that was no ill 
 fellow; you'd have no ill luck at this turn however. 
 
 Tho. Aye, Mary, thou'st even guessed wrong 
 many and many a time, and now thou passes by the 
 right again; for I would I had ridden our Billy's 
 hobby horse a whole day together, instead of 
 getting on this tit: for harkee me, we'd not rode 
 above five roods but the fellow asked me how far 
 I was going that way? Says I, about a mile and 
 
74 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 That's reet, seys he; there's on eleheawse just 
 there obeawt; I'll ride ofore, on theaw mun come 
 sawfly after , on I'll stey for the there. So he seet 
 off like hey go mad ; boh I kept o foot's peese : 
 for me tit swat on semm'd os toyart os I wur. 
 Neaw loothe, Meary, after this I'd naw ridden 
 mitch o boon hawfe o mile, boh I heard some fcok 
 cummink after meh o gallop, o gallop, os if the 
 deel had had halliday. Theyd'n hardly o'er ta'en 
 meh, boh one on urn sweer by th' mass, this is my 
 tit, on I'll heyt too, if Owd Nick ston not ith' gap. 
 With that o lusty wither tyke pood eawt o think 
 like o piece on o bassoon, on slapping meh oth' 
 shilders weet, sed, " friend I'm o cunstoble, an 
 yore my prisner." " The deel tey yer friendship, 
 on constableship too," sed I ; " whot dunneh meeon 
 mon? what mun I be prisner for?" " Yoan stown 
 that tit," sed he, " on yoast good back wimmy be- 
 fore o justice." " I stown nont ont'," sed I, " for 
 I boh meet neaw gett'n ont, on o mon ots gallopt 
 ofore, on whooa I took for th' owner, ga'meh leeof ; 
 so whot bishan oather yo or th' justice weh meh! 
 Stuff, stuff, meer balderdash, sed the cunstable. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 75 
 
 a half. That's right, says he ; there's an alehouse 
 just thereabouts; I'll ride on and thou must come 
 softly after, and I will stay for thee there. So he 
 set off like " hey go mad/' but I kept a footpace: 
 for my tit sweat and seemed as tired as I was. 
 Now look you, Mary, after this I hadn't rode above 
 half a mile, but I heard some folks coming after 
 me on the gallop o gallop, as if the devil had had 
 holiday. They had hardly overtaken me, but one 
 of them swore, by the mass, this is my horse, and 
 I'll have her too, if Old Nick stands not in the 
 gap. With that a lusty strong chap pulled out a 
 thing like a piece of a bassoon, and clapping me 
 on the shoulders with it, said, " friend I'm a con- 
 stable, and you are my prisoner." The devil take 
 your friendship and constableship, said I, what do 
 you mean man, what must I be a prisoner for? 
 " You have stolen that tit," said he, " and you 
 must go back with me before the justice." I stole 
 none of it, said 1, for I but just now light on it, 
 and the man that is gallopped before, and who I 
 took for the owner, gave me leave, therefore what 
 business has either you or the justice with me?* 
 
 * It is an extraordinary fact, that a similar trick with two 
 bullocks was practised on a young man, near London, in the 
 latter end of 1827, of the name of Gill, who was tried and 
 
76 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Wi' that I leep off th' tit in a greyt hig, on sed, 
 int be yoars tak't o, to the deel o ; for I know nowt 
 ont, nor yo noather, not I. 
 
 Mea. Weel actit Tummus ; that wur monfully 
 sed, on done to, think I. 
 
 Turn. Boh husht Meary, on theawst hear fur: 
 " Cum, cum/' sed th' constable ; " that wiffo whaffo 
 stuff winnow doo for me : for gooa yo boath mun 
 on shan, oather be hook or crook." On wi' that 
 he pood eawt some ir'n trinkums, ot rick t' like 
 o parsil o cheeons. Weawns, thinks* I t' me sell, 
 whot ar theese ? [n the bin shackils, J v ' o rere 
 scroap indeed; I'm wur off neaw in e'er eh wur: 
 Fst be hong'd, or some devilement ot tis very time. 
 Fo be meh troth, Meary, I heated th' jingling of 
 his thingumbobs os ill os if theaw or ony mon elze 
 had bin ringing my passing bell. 
 
 Mea. Good lorjus deys ! its not to tell heaw 
 camm'd things con happ'n ! 
 
 Turn. Heawe'er I mustert up my curridge, on 
 sed, " Hark o', yo cunstable, put up thoose things 
 ot rick'n so ; on inneh mun gooa, I will gooa, on 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 77 
 
 " Stuff, stuff, mere balderdash," said the constable. 
 With that I leaped off the tit in a great passion, 
 and said, " If it be yours take it you, to the devil 
 if you will; for I know nought about it, nor ye nei- 
 ther, not I." 
 
 Mary. Well acted, Thomas; that was man- 
 fully said and done too, I think. 
 
 Tho. But hush, Mary, and thou'lt hear further. 
 " Come, come," said the constable, " that shilly- 
 shally stuff will not do for me ; for go you both must 
 and shall, either by hook or by crook." And with 
 that he pulled out some trinkums, that rattled like 
 a parcel o** chains. Zounds, thinks I to myself, 
 what are i* If they are shackles, I'm in a 
 rare scrape indeed ; I'm worse off now than I ever 
 was ; I shall be hanged, or some devilment, at this 
 very time. For by my troth, Mary, I hated the 
 very jingling of his thingembobs, as ill as if thou 
 or any man else had been ringing my passing bell. 
 
 Mary. Good Lord a days ! its not to tell how 
 crooked things can happen ! 
 
 Tho. However, I mustered up my courage, and 
 said, " Hark ye, you constable, put up those 
 things that rattle so ; and if I must go, I will go, 
 
 condemned, but afterwards, upon a strong representation, 
 reprieved. 
 
78 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 quietly too; for theaw knows ot force is meds'n 
 for o mad-dog. 
 
 Mea. Whoo-who., whoo-who, whoo ! why, 
 TummuSj its meet neaw buzz'd into meh heeod 
 ot tis seme horse-jockey had stown th' tit, on for 
 fear o bene o'ertene geet yo t' ride t' seve his own 
 beak'n, on so put Yorshar on ye o thiss'n. 
 
 Turn. Why I think theaw guexes too o hure ; 
 for he slipt th' rope fro obeawt his own neck on 
 don'd it o mine, that's sarten. Heawe'r it mede 
 pittifoo wark indeed, to be guardit be two men 
 on o cunstable back ogen thro' Rachdaw, where 
 I'd so letely lost meh bitch, on bin so very maw- 
 kinly rowlt ith riggot ! Heaweer, theese cunstable 
 fok wur meety meeverly on modest too to, on as 
 mute os modywarps, for we geet thro' th' teawn 
 weh very little glooaring on less pumping, on wur 
 ot justices in a crack. 
 
 Me a. E deer, Tummus, did naw a hawter run 
 strawngely eh yer heeod ? for summot runs eh 
 mine os int wur full o ropes on pully-beawls. 
 
 Turn* Why loothe, Meary, I thought so pleaguy 
 hard, ot I cou'd think o nothing at aw ; for se 
 the meh, I'r freetn't aw macks o weys. Still, I'd 
 one cumfort awlus popt up it heeod ; for thinks 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. <V 
 
 and quietly too ; for thou know'st that force is 
 medicine for a mad dog." 
 
 Mary. Oh dear ! oh dear, dear ! why, Thomas, 
 it's just now come into my head that this same 
 horse-jockey had stolen the tit, and, for fear of 
 being overtaken, got you to ride to save his own 
 bacon, and so put Yorkshire on you in this man- 
 ner. 
 
 Tho. Why I think thou guesses to a hair ; for 
 he slipped the rope from about his own neck and 
 put it on mine, that's certain. However, it made 
 pitiful work indeed, to be guarded by two men 
 and a constable back again through Rochdale, 
 where I had so lately lost my bitch and been 
 so very dirtily rolled in the gutter! However, 
 these constable folks were mighty genteel and 
 modest too, and as mute as moles, for w r e got 
 through the town, with very little staring, and less 
 pumping, and were at the justice's in a crack. 
 
 Mary. O dear, Thomas ! did not a halter run 
 strangely in your head? for something runs in 
 mine, as if it was full of ropes and pully-halls. 
 
 Tho. Why look ye, Mary, I thought so plaguy 
 hard that I could think of nothing at all ; for see 
 thee me, I was frightened all sorts of ways. Still, 
 I'd one comfort always popped in my head ; for 
 
80 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 I t'meh sell, I stown no horse, not I; on theaw 
 knows ot truth on honesty gooink " hont eh 
 hont," howd'n one onother's backs primely, on 
 ston os stiff os o gablock. 
 
 Mea. True, Tummus, theyre prime props at o 
 pinch, that's sartin. Boh I yammer t' hear heaw 
 things turn'd eawt ot eend of aw. 
 
 Turn. Theaws no peshunce, Meary; boh howd 
 te tung on theawst hear in o snift : for theaw mun 
 know, ot tis some cunstable wur os preawd ot id 
 tean poor Turn prisner, or if theaw'd tean o hare 
 on had hur eh the appern meet neaw; boh th' 
 gobbin ne'er considert o' honging would naw be 
 cawd good spooart be ony body eh ther senses, 
 on wer enough fort' edge o finer mon's teeth in 
 mine. Heawe'er he knock os bowdly ot justice's 
 dur, os if id ha dung it deawn. This fotcht o 
 preaw'd gruff felly eawt, whooa put us int' a pleck 
 we as money books an papers os a cart wou'd 
 howd. To this mon (whooa I soon perceiv't wur 
 th' dark) th' cunstable tow'd meh wofoo kese; 
 an eh truth, Meary, Fr os gawmless os o goose, 
 on began o whackering os if I'd stown o how 
 draight o horses. Then this felly went eawt o 
 bit, on with him coom the justice, whooa I glen- 
 durt sooar, an thowt he favort owd John o' Dobs, 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 81 
 
 thinks I to myself, I've stolen no horse, not I ; and 
 thou know'st, that truth and honesty, going " hand 
 in hand," hold up one another's backs primely, 
 and stand as stiff as an iron bar. 
 
 Mary. True, Thomas, they're prime props at 
 a pinch, that's certain. But I am anxious to hear 
 how things turned out at the end of all. 
 
 Tho. Thou'st no patience, Mary ; but hold thy 
 tongue and thou'lt hear in a minute : for thou 
 must know this same constable was as proud that 
 he had taken poor Tom prisoner, as if thou'd 
 taken a hare and had it in thy apron just now; 
 but the blockhead never considered that hanging 
 would not be called good sport by any body in 
 their senses, and was enough for to edge a finer 
 man's teeth than mine. However, he knocked as 
 boldly at the justice's door as if he would have 
 knocked it down. This fetched a proud, gruff 
 fellow out, who put us into a place with as many 
 books and papers as a cart would hold. To this 
 man (who I soon perceived was the clerk) the con- 
 stable told my woful case ; and in truth, Mary, I 
 was as stupid as a goose, and began a-trembling 
 as if I had stolen a whole draught of horses. Then 
 this fellow went out a bit, and with him came the 
 justice, whom I stared at sorely, and thought he 
 
82 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 whooa theaw knows awlus wears a breawnish 
 white wig, ot hongs on his shilders like keaw-teals. 
 " Well, Mr. Cunstable," sed justice, " whot han 
 ye brought me neaw ?" " Why, pleeos yer wor- 
 ship, ween meet neaw tean o horse-steyler, whooa 
 wur meying off with titos hard os he cou'd." Od, 
 thought I't meh seln, " neaw or never" Turn! 
 speyke for the sell, or theawrt throttlt ot tis very 
 beawt; so I speek up, an sed, " that's naw true, 
 Mr. Justice : for I'r boh gooink ofoot's pese." 
 " Umph," sed th' justice, " there's naw mitch dif- 
 ference as to that point. Heawe'er, howd teaw 
 the tung, yung mon, and speyk when the'rt spokk'n 
 too. Well, theaw mon ith breawn cooat, theaw !" 
 sed th' justice, " whot has theaw to sey ogen this 
 felly here ? Is this tit thy tit, seys to ?" " It is, 
 sur." " Here dark, bring's that book, on lets 
 swear him." Here th' justice sed o nominy to 'im, 
 on towd 'im he munt tey kere o whot eh sed, or he 
 moot as helt be foresworn, or hong that yeawth 
 there. " Well, on theaw seys ot tis tit's thy tit, 
 is it?" " It is, pleeos yer worship." " On where 
 had teaw him, seys to ?" " I bred im, sur." " E 
 whot country?" " Cown-edge, sur." " On when 
 wur he stown, seys to?" " Last dey boh yuster- 
 day, abeawt three o' clock ith oandurth : for eawr 
 
THE INTERPRETATION, 83 
 
 favoured old John at Dobb's, who thou know'st 
 always wears a brownish white wig, that hangs on 
 his shoulders like cow-tails. " Well, Mr. Con- 
 stable," said the justice, " what have you brought 
 me now?" " Why, please your worship, we've 
 just now taken a horse-stealer, who was making 
 off with a tit as hard as he could." Odd, thought 
 I to myself, " now or never" Tom ! speak for thy- 
 self, or thou It be throttled at this very bout ; so I 
 spake up, and said, " That's not true, Mr. Jus- 
 tice ; for I was but going at a foot's pace." 
 " Humph," said the justice, " there's not much 
 difference as to that point. However, hold thee 
 thy tongue, young man, and speak when thou'rt 
 spoken to. Well, thou man in the brown coat, 
 thou!" said the justice, " what hast thou to say 
 against this fellow here ? Is this tit thy tit, say'st 
 thou ?" " It is, sir." " Here clerk, bring us that 
 book, and let us swear him." Here the justice 
 said a rigmarole to him, and told him he must take 
 care what he said or he might as likely be for- 
 sworn, and hang that youth there. " Well, and 
 thou say'st that this tit is thy tit, is it?" " It is, 
 I please your worship." " And where hadst thou 
 ft him, say'st thou?" " I bred him, sir." " In what 
 ^country?" " Coin-edge, sir." " And when was 
 
 m g2 
 
84 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Yem saigh 'im abeawt two, on we mist 'im obeawt 
 four o'clock." " On fro Cown-edge, theaw seys?" 
 " Yus, sur." Then the justice turn'd im to me, 
 on sed, " Is aw tis true ot this man seys, hears to 
 meh? " It is," sed I, part on't; on part on't is 
 naw: for I did naw steyl this tit: nor ist oboon 
 two eawrs sin furst time ot eh brad meh e'n on im." 
 " Heaw coom theaw't be riding owey wi' im then, 
 if theaw did naw steyl im?" " Why, o good deed, 
 sur; os I'r goink toart whom to dey, o felly weh o 
 little reawnd hat, on o scrunt wig, cullur o yoars, 
 welly, boh shorter, o'ertook meh ; he wur riding o 
 one tit on lad another. Neaw this mon seeink I'r 
 toyart, becose I went wigglety-wagglety ith' lone, 
 he offer't meh his lad tit t' ride on. I'r fene oth' 
 proffer, beleemy, on geet on: boh he rid off, whip 
 on spur, tho he cou'd hardly mey th' tit keawnter, 
 on wou'd stey on meh ot on eleheawse ith' road. 
 Naw, measter justice, I'd naw gon three-quarters 
 on o mile boh theese fok o'ertean meh; towd meh 
 I'd stown th' tit, on neaw han brought meh hither, 
 os in I'r o ( Yorshar horse-steyler.' On this is 
 aw true, master justice, or mey I ne'er gut' on ill 
 pleck when eh dee." 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 85 
 
 he stolen, sayest thou?" " Last day but yester- 
 day, about three o'clock in the afternoon; for our 
 Jem saw him about two, and we miss'd him about 
 four o'clock." " And from Coln-edge # thou says?" 
 " Yes, sir." Then the justice turned him to me 
 and said, " Is all this true that this man says, hears 
 thou me?" " It is," said I, " part of it, and part 
 of it is not: for I did not steal the tit; nor is it 
 above two hours since the first time I ever clapped 
 my eyes on it." " How came thou to be riding 
 away with him then, if thou did not steal him?" 
 " Why ! in good deed, sir, as I was going towards 
 home to-day, a fellow with a little round hat, and 
 a besom wig, the colour of yours, nearly, but 
 shorter, overtook me; he was riding on one tit 
 and led another. Now this man seeing I was 
 tired, because I went ' wigglety-wagglety' in the 
 lane, he offered me his led tit to ride on. I was 
 glad of the offer, believe me, and got on : but he 
 rode off ' whip and spur,' though he could hardly 
 make the tit canter, and said he would stay for me 
 at an alehouse on the road. Now, master justice, 
 I had not gone three-quarters of a mile, but these 
 folks overtook me ; told me I had stolen the tit, and 
 now have brought me hither as if I was a ' York- 
 shire horse-stealer.' And this is all true, master 
 * Near Pendle-hill, Lancashire. 
 
86 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. Primely spok'n efeath, Tummus! yomeet 
 " shad'n Wrynot" eh tellink this tele, think I; 
 whot sed th' justice then? 
 
 Turn. Whau, he sed, " hears to me ogen, theaw 
 yungster ; tell meh where theaw wur t' tother dey 
 boh yusterday, especially ith' oandurth, will to?" 
 " Whau," sed I, " I seet eawt fro whoam soon ith' 
 yoandurth wi' o keaw on a kawve for Ratchdaw ; 
 meh kawve wur kilt ith' lone, with o tit coak'n os 
 he coom ; on ith' oandurth Fr aw up on deawn eh 
 this neighbourhood, dooink meh best t' sell meh 
 bitch ot fok caw'dn o bandyhewit, t' see if he cou'd 
 mey th' kawve-money up for me measter: but waes 
 jme, e'ery-body wur gett'n fittut with um ! So I'r 
 kest into th' dark, on force 't stey ot Littlebrough 
 aw neet." " On where wur to yusterday/' sed 
 justice? "Wheau," sed I, " I maundert up on 
 deawn hereobeawt ogen, oth' seme sleeveless arnt, 
 on wur forc't harbour awth' last neet in o barn 
 where boggarts swarm'n (Lord bless us) on breed'n, 
 I believe ; for oytch body seys its never beawt um ; 
 on to dey os I'r gooink whom I leet o this felly ot 
 I took for a horse-jockey, on so wur tean up be 
 theese fok for a tit-steyler." " Boh hark the meh, 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 87 
 
 justice, or may I never go to an ill place when I 
 die." 
 
 Mary. Primely spoken in faith, Thomas, you 
 might " out shadow Wrynot" # in telling this tale, 
 think; but what said the justice then? 
 
 Tko. Why, he said, " hear thou me again, thou 
 youngster ! tell me where thou was the other day 
 but yesterday, especially in the afternoon, wilt 
 thou?" "Why," said I, "I set out from home 
 soon after morning with a cow and a calf for Roch- 
 dale ; my calf was killed in the lane with a tit's 
 kicking, as I came ; in the afternoon I was up and 
 down in this neighbourhood, doing my best to sell 
 my bitch that the folks called a bandykewit, to see 
 if I could make the calf money up for my master : 
 but woe's me, every body had got supplied with 
 them ! Sol was cast in the dark, and forced to 
 stay at Littleborough all night." " And where 
 was thou yesterday," said the justice? " Why," 
 said I, " I wandered up and down here again on 
 the same sleeveless errand, and was forced to 
 shelter all last night in a barn where ghosts swarm 
 (Lord bless us) and breed too, I believe, for each 
 body says its never without them ; and to-day as 
 I was going home I lighted on this fellow, that I 
 took for a horse jockey, and so was taken up by 
 * A vulgar, cant term. Vide Glossary. 
 
88 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 theaw prisoner," sed th' justice, " wur naw theaw 
 here tother dey boh yusterday wi' the dog, pre- 
 thee?" " I wur, sur ; boh yoad'n naw buy hur, for 
 yoarn fittut too." " Whot time oth' dey moot it 
 be, thinks to?" " Between three on four o'clock," 
 sed I. " Beleemy mon, I think theaw'rt oather 
 greeave or greeaveby," sed he. " Here, yo master 
 cunstable, follow me." Neaw, Meary, whot dust 
 think? boh while theese two wur eawt o bit, this 
 teastril, this tyke of o dark, caw'd me aside an 
 proffert bring meh clear off for have o ginney. 
 Seys I, " mon, if I knew a hawter munt mey meh 
 neck os lung os o gonner neck to morn, I cou'd 
 naw rease hoave a ginney! for hong'd or naw 
 hong'd I ha' naw one hawp'ney t' seve meh neck 
 wi." " Boh," seys he, " wilt gi' the note for't?" 
 " I'll gi' no notes, not I; for I'd os good t' be 
 hong'd for this job, ost steyl on be hong'd for 
 that; on I no other wey t' rease it boh steyling ot 
 I know on." 
 
 Mea. Good Lord o marcy! moor rogues on 
 moor! neaw awt upo' aw sitch teastrils for ever on 
 o dey lunger, sey I. 
 
 Turn. Hustt, hustt, Meary; for neaw th' justice 
 an th' cunstable coom in. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 89 
 
 these folks for a tit stealer." " But, harkye me, 
 thou prisoner!" said the justice, " was not thou 
 here the other day but yesterday with thy dog, 
 prithee?" " I was, sir, but you would not buy 
 her, for you was fitted too." " What time of the 
 day do you think it might be, think you?" " Be- 
 tween three and four o'clock," said I. " Believe 
 me man I think thou rt there or thereabout," said 
 he. " Here you master constable, follow me." 
 Now, Mary, what do you think? but while those 
 two were out a bit, this cunning rogue, this tyke 
 of a clerk, called me on one side, and proffered 
 to bring me clear off for half a guinea. Says I, 
 " man, if I knew a halter must make my neck as 
 long as a gander's neck to-morrow morning, I 
 could not raise half a guinea ! for hanged or not 
 hanged I have not one halfpenny to save my neck 
 with." " But," says he, " will you give your note 
 for it?" " I'll give no note, not I; for I'd as good 
 be hanged for this job, as steal to be hanged for 
 that, and I have no other way of raising it but 
 stealing as I know of." 
 
 Mary. Good lord have mercy! more rogues 
 and more ; now out upon all such cunning chaps 
 for ever and a day longer, say I. 
 
 Tho. Husht! husht! Mary, for now the consta- 
 ble and justice came in. 
 
90 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. E law, I'll be hong'd meh seln if he dun- 
 naw dither for fear: boh go forrud, Tummus* 
 
 Turn. Why, th' justice after rubbing his broo 
 on droying his fease deawn, sed, " here, yo measter 
 cunstable, on yo fellow ot owns this tit, I mun tell 
 ye, that yore booath ith' rang box, an han gett'n 
 th' rang soo by th' yeer; for this youngster here 
 cou'd naw steyl this tit th* last oandurth boh one, 
 for between three on four o'clock that dey I seed 
 him here me sell, on yo sen this tit wur stown 
 fro' Cown-edge obeawt that time ; neaw he cou'd 
 naw bee eh two plecks ot one time, yo known. So 
 hears to meh, yung mon, I mun quit thee as to this 
 job; so go the wey whoam, on be onnest." " I 
 will," sed I, u on thonks, measter justice, for yoan 
 pood truth eawt on o durty pleck ot lunglength." 
 So I mede im o low bow, on a greyt scroap weh 
 meh shoough, on coom mey wey. 
 
 Mea. Brevely cumn off Turn! eigh, on merrily 
 too, I'll uphowd o\ Neaw een God bless aw 
 honest justices, sey I. 
 
 Turn. Eigh, eigh; on so sey I too: for I'd good 
 luck ot heel of aw, or Turn had naw bin here t'a 
 towd teh this tele. Boh yet, Meary, I think eh 
 meh guts ot teers meawse-neezes omung some on 
 um, os weel os omung other fok ; or why shou'd tis 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 91 
 
 Mary. Eh law ! I'll be hanged myself if I do 
 not quake for fear; but go forward Thomas. 
 
 Tko. Why, the justice, after rubbing his brow 
 and drawing his face down, said, " Hear, you mas- 
 ter constable, and you fellow that owns this tit, 
 I must tell you, you're both in the wrong box, and 
 have got the wrong sow by the ear ; for this young- 
 ster here could not steal this tit the last afternoon 
 but one ; for between three and four o'clock that 
 day I saw him here myself, and you say this horse 
 was stolen from Coin-edge about that time ; now 
 he could not be at two places at one time, you 
 know. So harkye me, young man, I must acquit 
 thee as to this job; so go thy ways home, and be 
 honest." " I will/' said I, " and thanks master 
 justice, for you've pulled truth out of a dirty place 
 at long-length." So I made him a low bow, and 
 a great scrape with my shoe, and came away. 
 
 Mary. Bravely come off, Tom, aye, and merrily 
 too, I'll uphold you. Now e'en God bless all 
 honest justices, say I. 
 
 Tho. Aye, aye, and so say I too, for I had good 
 luck at the heel of all, or Tom had not been here 
 to have told this tale. But yet, Mary, I think in 
 my guts, there's mouses' nests, or knavish tricks 
 among some of them, as well as other folk ; or why 
 
92 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 
 
 seme dark o his, when he perceiv't I'r innocent, 
 proffert bring meh off for hawve o ginney? Had 
 naw this o strung savor of fere cheeoting; ne 
 deawn-reet nipping o poor fok ? On does teaw 
 think ot tees justices do naw know, when these 
 tykes plene o hundurt wur tricks thin this in o 
 yeer? Beside, Meary, I hard that fawse felly 
 Dick o' Yems o owd Harry s sey, ot he kneaw 
 some on um ot went snips wi theese catterpillars 
 their clarks : on if so, shou'd they naw be hugg'd 
 oth' seme back, on scutcht with' seme rod wi'ther 
 clarks, hears to me? 
 
 Mea, Now, now, not tey marry; for if sitch 
 things munt be done greadly, on os teh aught to 
 bee, th' bigger rascot shou'd ha' th' bigger smacks, 
 on moor on um, yo known, Tummus. Boh greyt 
 fok oft dun who te win wi' littleons, reet or rank, 
 whot kere'n they. So let's leeof sitch to mend 
 when the con hit on't: on neaw tell meh heaw ye 
 went'n on wither measter? 
 
 Turn. Eigh by th' miss, Meary, I'd freeot'n that ! 
 Why then theaw mun know, eh sitch o kese os tat 
 I'd no skuse to mey, for I towd im heawth' kawve 
 wur kilt ith' lone : on ot I'd sowd the hoyde for 
 throtteen-pence. On then, I cou'd tell im no 
 moor, for he nipt up the deashon, ot stoode oth' 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 93 
 
 should this same clerk of his, when he perceived I 
 was innocent, proffer to bring me off for half a 
 guinea? Had not this a strong savour of fair 
 cheating; nay, downright biting of poor folk? 
 And dost thou think that justices do not know 
 when these tykes play a hundred worse tricks than 
 this in the year? Besides, Mary, I heard that 
 false fellow Dick o 'Jem's at old Harry's say, that 
 he knew some of them that went snacks with these 
 caterpillars, their clerks: and if so, should they 
 not be horsed on the same back and whipt with 
 the same rod as their clerks ; hears thou me? 
 
 Mary. No, no, not they marry: for if such 
 things must be done correctly, and as they ought 
 to be, the bigger rogues should have the heavier 
 smacks and more of them, ye know, Thomas. But 
 great folks often do what they will, with little ones, 
 right or wrong, what care they. So let's leave 
 such to mend when they can hit upon it: and now 
 tell me, how you went on with your master? 
 
 Tho. Aye, by the mass, Mary, I'd forgotten 
 that! Why then thou must know, in such a case 
 as that I had no excuse to make, so I told him 
 how the calf was killed in the lane; and that I 
 had sold the hide for thirteenpence, and then I 
 could tell him no more ; for he snatched up the 
 
94 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 harstone, on whirld it at meh: boll estid o hitting 
 me, it hit th' reeam-mug ot stoode oth' hob; on 
 keyvt awth reeam into th' foyar : then th' battril 
 coom, on whether it lawmt th' barn ot wur ith' 
 keather I know naw, for I laft it rooaring on bell- 
 ing; so os I'r scamp'ring awey, eaw'r Seroh asht 
 meh " where e wou'd gooa?" I towd'r " ot 
 Nicko oth' farmer's greyt leath wur next, an I'd 
 go thither." 
 
 Mea. Of awth' spots ith' ward, there wou'd not 
 I ha com'n for a yepsintle a ginneys. 
 
 Turn. I geawse theaw meeons beeose fok sen 
 boggarts awlus hawntit it: boh theaw knows I'r 
 wickitly knockt up, and force is meds'n for a mad 
 dog, os I tt)wd te afore. 
 
 Mea. It matters naw; it wou'd never ha sunk'n 
 into me ta harbort there. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 95 
 
 poker that stood on the hearth stone, and whirled 
 it at me : but instead of hitting me it hit the cream- 
 mug that stood on the hob of the grate, and turned 
 all the cream into the fire : then the batting staff 
 came, and whether it lamed the child that was in 
 the cradle I know not, for I left it roaring and bel- 
 lowing; so as I was scampering away Sarah asked 
 me, "where I would go?" I told her " that old 
 Nick's, in the farmer's great barn was the next 
 place, and I would go thither." 
 
 Mary. Of all the spots in the world, there would 
 not I have gone, not for two heaped handfuls of 
 guineas ! 
 
 Tho. I guess thou means because folks say 
 ghosts always haunt it: but thou knows I was 
 wickedly knocked up, and force is medicine for a 
 mad dog, as I told thee before. 
 
 Mary. It matters not; it would never have sunk 
 into me to have harboured there. 
 
( 96 ) 
 
 SCENE VII. 
 Td as leeven be kilt, asjreefnd to deeoth ! 
 
 Tummus and Meary. 
 
 Turn. Well, but I went; an just as I'r gett'n 
 to th' leath dur, whooa shou'd e meet boh Yed 
 o' Jeremy's, their new mon. 
 
 Mea. That leet weel ; for Yed's as greadly o 
 lad as needs t' knep oth' hem of a keke. 
 
 Turn. True ; so I towd im meh kese e shtxrt, an 
 sooary he lookt too-to. " I wish e durst let te lye 
 we me," sed he; " but as I boh coom to wun 
 here this dey sennit, I dare naw venter : but I'll 
 shew thee a prime mough o hey, an theaw mey do 
 meeterly frowt I know." " Thattle doo," sed I, 
 66 shew it me, for I'm stark an ill done." So while 
 he'ur shewing it me with scoance, he sed, " I sum- 
 mot tell the Turn, boh I'm loath!" " Theaw 
 meeons obeawt boggarts," sed I, u but I'm lik't 
 
( 97 ) 
 
 SCENE VII. 
 
 I'd as soon be killed, as frightened to death/ 
 
 Thomas and Mary. 
 
 Tho. Well, but I went; and just as I was 
 getting into the barn door, who should I meet but 
 Ned at Jeremy's, their new man ! 
 
 Mary. That lighted well ; for Ned's as hand- 
 some a lad as needs to bite at the edge of a wed- 
 ding cake. 
 
 Tho. True; so I told him my case in short, 
 and sorry he looked to know it. "I wish I durst 
 let thee lay with me," said he; " but as I but 
 come to live here this day se'night, I dare not ven- 
 ture : but I'll show thee a prime mow of hay, and 
 thou may'st do worse for ought I know." " That 
 will do," said I, " show it me, for I'm stiff and 
 badly tired." So while he was showing it me 
 with the lanthorn, he said, " I've somewhat to tell 
 thee, Tom, but I'm loath !" " Thou mean'st about 
 
 H 
 
98 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 venter." " Theaws meet hit it," sed he; " an I 
 con tell the, I cou'd like meh pleck primely but 
 for that : heawe'er as th' tits mun eawt very yarly, 
 I mun provon um o beawt one o'clock, an I'll 
 eawt, see heaw tha goes on." " 'Sblid," sed I, 
 " if theaw mun eawt so yarly, I'll fodder an pro- 
 ven the tits for the, an theaw mey sleep, intle ley 
 th' proven ready." Then he shew'd me heaw th' 
 mough wur cut with a hey-knife, hawve wey 
 deawn like a great step, on that I moot come off 
 yeasily o that side : so we bid t'one t'other good 
 neet. I'r boh meet sattlt when eh heard summot 
 ith' leath. Good-lorjus, Meary, meh flesh crept 
 o meh booans, on meh yeears crackt ogen weh 
 hark'ning ! Presently I heard somebody caw 
 sawfly, " Tummus ! Tummus ! Tummus!" I 
 knew th' voice, an sed, " Whooas tat tee Seroh?" 
 " Eigh," sed hoo, " an I stown a lyte wetur- 
 podditch, an some thrutchings, and a treacle- 
 butter-keke, if eh con eyght um." " Fear me 
 not," sed I, " for I'm as hongry as a rott'n." 
 " Whau mitch-go-deet o with um," sed hoo ; " an 
 yo mey come on begin, for they need'n no keel- 
 ing." Neaw I'r e sitch o flunter e getting to th' 
 wark, ot I'd freeat'n th' spot ot Yet towd me on ; 
 so I feell deawn off th' heest side oth' mough, and 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 99 
 
 ghosts," said I, " but I'm like to venture." 
 " Thou'st just hit it/' said he; " and I can tell 
 thee I could like my place primely but for that : 
 however, as the horses must be out very early, 
 I must provender them about one o'clock, and I'll 
 call and see how thou goes on." " 'Sblood," says 
 I, " if thou must out so early, I'll fodder and pro- 
 vender the tits for thee, and thou may'st sleep, if 
 thou'lt lay the provender ready." Then he 
 showed me how the mow was cut by a hay-knife, 
 half-way down like a great step, and that I might 
 come off easily on that side : so we bid one another 
 " good night." I'd but just settled myself, when 
 I heard something in the barn ! Good gracious, 
 Mary, my flesh crept on my bones, my ears 
 cracked again with hearkening! Presently I 
 heard somebody call softly, " Thomas! Thomas! 
 Thomas !" I knew the voice, and said, " Who's 
 that ? thee Sarah?" " Ay," said she ; " and I've 
 stolen a light water-porridge, and some whey 
 custard, and a treacle butter-cake, if thou can'st 
 eat them." " Fear me not," said I, " for I'm as 
 hungry as a rat." " Why much good may do you 
 with them," said she ; " and you may come and 
 begin, for they need no cooling." Now I was in 
 such a fluster to get to the work, that I'd forgotten 
 
 h2 
 
100 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 sitch a floose o hey follut me, ot it driv meh shiar 
 deawn, an Seroh with meyt inner hont, o top o me, 
 an quite hill'd us booath. 
 
 Mea. Cotsflesh, this wur a nice trick oth' bookth 
 on't, wur it naw ? 
 
 Turn. Eigh, sot' wur; boh it leet weell atth' 
 podditch wur naw scawding ; for when we'd n 
 mede shift to heyve an creep fro underth' hey, 
 some oth podditch I fund had dawbt' up tone o 
 meh neen ; thrutchings wur'n shed oth weastbant 
 o meh breeches, an th' treacle butter-keke stickt 
 to Seroh's brat. Heawe'er, weh scrawming abeawt 
 ith dark, we geete up whot we cou'd, an I eet it 
 snap ; for beleemy, Meary, Fr so keen bitt'n I mede 
 tio bawks at o heyseed. So while Fr busy cadg- 
 ing mey wem, hoo tow'd me hoo lipp'nt hur fea- 
 ther wur turn'd strackling, an if I went whom 
 agen Fst be e dawnger o being breant : that me 
 deme wou'd ha me t' run, for I shou'd be lose ot 
 Feersuns-een, on it matter't naw mitch. I thowt 
 this wur good keawsil, so I geet Seroh t' fotch me 
 meh tother sark : hoo did so, an I thankt 'ur, bid 
 farewell, an so we partit. I soon sattlt meh sell 
 ith mough under a floose o hey, an slept so weel 
 

 THE INTERPRETATION. 101 
 
 the spot that Ned told me of; so I fell down on 
 the east side of the mow, and such a wisp of hay 
 followed me, that it drove me straight down on 
 Sarah with the meat in her hand, on the top of 
 me, and fairly covered us both. 
 
 Mary. 'Sflesh, but this was a nice trick in the 
 bulk of the hay, wasn't it ? 
 
 Tho. Ay, so it was ; but it happened well that 
 the porridge wasn't scalding ; for when we'd made 
 shift to heave and creep from under the hay, some 
 of the porridge I found had daubed up to my 
 eyes, the whey was shed over my breeches, and 
 the treacle butter-cake stuck to Sarah's brat. 
 However, with scrambling about in the dark, we 
 got up what we could, and I eat it quickly; for 
 believe me, Mary, I was so sharp set I made no 
 hesitation at a hay-seed. So whilst I was busy 
 stuffing my guts, she told me how she expected 
 her father was turned mad, and if I went home 
 again I should be in danger of being burnt ; that 
 my mistress would have me to run, for that I 
 should have served my time out at Shrovetide, and 
 that it mattered not much. I thought this was 
 good counsel, so I got Sarah to fetch me my other 
 shirt : she did so, and I thanked her, bid farewell, 
 and so we parted. I soon settled myself in the 
 
102 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 ot when e wack'nt I'r feerd ot I'd o'er sleept me 
 sell, on cou'd naw provon th' tits e' time. 
 
 Mea. It wur weel for yo ot e cou'd'n sleep at 
 aw, for I'st ne'er ha lede meh een t'gether I'm 
 shure. 
 
 Turn, Whau, but I startit up to go to th' tits, 
 and slurr'd deawn to th' lower part oth mough ; 
 and by the maskins-lord, whot dust to think ? — 
 boh I leet hump stridd'n up o summot ot feld 
 meety hewry, an it startit up weh me on its back, 
 (Meary much freetertd here,) deawn th' lower 
 part oth' heymugh it jumpt ; crost t'leath ; eawt 
 oth dur wimmy it took ; an into th' watering-poo, 
 as if the deel o hell had driv'n it ! there it threw 
 me in, or I feel off, I connaw tell whether for th' 
 life on meh. 
 
 Mea. Whoo-who, whoo-who, whoo ! whot ith' 
 name o God winneh sey ! 
 
 Turn. Sey! — why I sey, true as t' gospil ; an I'r 
 so freetn't, I wur war set to get eawt (if possible) 
 in e wur when Nip an me fell off th' bridge. 
 
 Mea. I never heard sitch teles sin meh neme 
 wur Mall, nor no mon elze, think I ! 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 103 
 
 mow under a shock of hay, and slept so well, that 
 when I awakened I was afraid I had overslept 
 myself, and could not provender the beasts in 
 time. 
 
 Mary. It was well for you, you could sleep at 
 all, for I should never have laid my eyes together, 
 I'm sure. 
 
 Tho. Well, but I started up to go to the tits, 
 and slided down to the lower part of the mow ; 
 and by the mass, what dost thou think ? — but I 
 fell astride with my legs on something that felt 
 mighty hairy, and it started up with me on its 
 back, (Mary much agitated here>) down the lower 
 part of the hay-mow it jumped; cross the barn; 
 out of the door with me it took ; and into the 
 watering pool it took me, as if the devil in h — had 
 driven it ! there it threw me in, or I fell off, I can- 
 not tell which for the life of me. 
 
 Mary. Oh 1 oh ! oh ! oh ! what in the name of 
 goodness will you say ! 
 
 Tho. Say ! — why I say, it's true as the Gospel ; 
 and I was so frightened that I was worse puzzled 
 to get out (if possible) than I was when Nip and 
 me fell off the bridge. 
 
 Mary. I never heard such tales since my name 
 was Mary, nor no one else, think I ! 
 
104 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Teles ! — udds bud, tak um awt gether an 
 theyd'n welly mey a mont ston oth' wrang eend. 
 
 Mea. Well ! but wur it Owd Nick, think'n eh, 
 or it wur naw ? 
 
 Turn. I bete to tawk on't, wilt howd te tung? 
 but if it wur naw Owd Nick, he wur th' orderer 
 on't to be shure ! 
 
 Mea. Why, Tummus, pre'o' whot wur it ? 
 
 Turn. Blees meh, Meary! theawrt so yearnstful 
 ot teaw'U naw let meh tell meh tele. Why, I did 
 naw know me sell whot it wur of an eawr, if eh 
 know yet ! 
 
 Mea. Well, boh heaw went'n yo on then? 
 
 Turn. Whau, weh mitch powlering I geete eawt 
 oth' poo ; an be meh troth, lieve meh as to list, I 
 cou'd naw tell whether I'r in a sleawm or wak'n, 
 till eh groapt at meh neen : an us I'r resolv'd to 
 come no moor ith' leath, I crope under a wough, 
 and stbode like a gawmbling, or a perfect neatril, 
 till welly dey; an just then Ned coom. 
 
 Mea. That wur passing weel, considering th' 
 kese or yoar'n in. 
 
 Turn. True, lass ; for I think Fr never feaner 
 t' see nobody sin I'r kersunt. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 105 
 
 Tho. Tales! — odds bobs! take 'em altogether 
 and they would nearly make a man stand on the 
 wrong end. 
 
 Mary. Well ! but was it Old Nick, think you, 
 or was it not ? 
 
 Tho. I hate to talk of it; wilt thou hold thy 
 tongue ? But if it was not Old Nick, he had the 
 ordering of it to be sure ! 
 
 Mary. Why, Thomas, prithee what was it ? 
 
 Tho. Bless me, Mary, thou'rt so anxious that 
 thou'lt not let me tell my tale. Why I did not 
 know myself what it was for an hour, if I know 
 yet! 
 
 Mary. Well, but how went you on then ? 
 
 Tho. Well, with much struggling I got out of 
 the pool ; and by my troth, believe me as you like, 
 I could not tell whether I was in a dream or 
 awake, till I felt at my eyes : and as I was re- 
 solved to go no more into the barn, I crept under 
 the wall and stood like a trembling fool, or a per- 
 fect natural, till near day ; and just then Ned 
 came. 
 
 Mary. That was passing well, considering the 
 case that you were in. 
 
 Tho. True, lass ; for I think I had never more 
 pleasure in seeing anybody since I was christened. 
 
106 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Mea. WhotsedYed? 
 
 Turn. Why, he heeve up his honds, an he 
 blest, an he prey'd, an mede sitch marlocks, that 
 if I'd naw bin eh that wofo pickle, I'st a bross'n 
 weh leawghing. Then he asht meh heaw I coom 
 t' be so weet ? and why e stoode teer ? an sitch 
 like. I towd him I cou'd gi no okeawnt o meh 
 sell ; boh that Fr carrit eawt oth' leath be Owd 
 Nick, as I thowt ! 
 
 Mea. I'd awlus a notion whot it wou'd prove 
 ith' heel of aw ! 
 
 Turn. Pre'the howd te hung a bit, — theaw puts 
 me eawt. I towd im I thowt it wur Owd Nick; 
 for it wur vast strung, very hewry, and meety 
 swift ! 
 
 Mea. E, what a greyt marcy it is yore where 
 ye ar, Tummus ! 
 
 Turn. Eigh, Meary, so't is ; for it's moor in I 
 expectit. Boh theawst hear. Yed wur so flay'd 
 weh that bit at I'd towd im, ot he geete meh by 
 th' hont an sed, " Come, Tummus ! let's flit fro 
 this pleck ; for my part I'll naw stey one minnit 
 lenger." Sed I, " Iftle fotch me sark eawt oth* 
 leath, I'll geaw with the." " Ney !" sed he, " that 
 I'll never do, while my nemes Yed !" " Whau,' 
 sed I, " then I'm like to goa beawt it!" " Dun- 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 107 
 
 Mary. What said Ned ? 
 
 Tho. Why, he hove up his hands, and he blest 
 himself, and he prayed, and he made such antics, 
 that if I had not been in that woful pickle, I 
 should have burst with laughing. Then he asked 
 how I came to be so wet ? and why I stood there ? 
 and such like. I told him I could give no account 
 of myself; but that I was carried out of the barn 
 by Old Nick, as I thought ! 
 
 Mary. I had always a notion it would prove so, 
 in the end of all ! 
 
 Tho. Prithee hold thy tongue a bit, — thou puts 
 me out. I told him I thought it was Old Nick ; 
 for it was vastly strong, very hairy, and mighty 
 swift ! 
 
 Mary. What a great mercy it is you are where 
 you are, Thomas ! 
 
 Tho. Ay, Mary, so it is ; for its more than I 
 expected. But thou'lt hear. Ned was so cut up 
 with that bit that I told him, that he got me by 
 the hand, and said, " Come, Thomas ! let's fly 
 from this place; for my part I'll not stay one 
 minute longer." Said I, " If you'll fetch my shirt 
 out of the barn, I'll go with thee." " Nay!" said 
 he, " that I'll never do, while my name's Ned!" 
 " Well," said I, " then I'm like to go without it!"' 
 
108 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 naw trouble the nob abeawt tat ; I two o whoam, 
 an I'll gi' the th' tone ; come, let's get off," sed 
 he. So were'n marching awey ; but, before wed'n 
 gon five rood, I seed summut an seete up a greyt 
 reeok, (for I thowt I'd seen Nick agen, Lord 
 bless us!) Seys Yed, " Whot ar to breed we 
 neaw, Tummus?" I pointit th' finger, an sed, 
 "Isnawtattedule?" " Which ?" sed he. "That, 
 under th' hedge," sed I. " Now, now, naw hit ; 
 that's eawer yung cowt ot lies reawt," sed Yed. 
 " The dickons it is !" sed I; " boh I think e meh 
 guts ot that carrit me eawt oth leath!" Then 
 Yed axt meh if th' dur wur opp'n ; I towd im I 
 thought it wur. " But I'm shure I toynt it," sed 
 Yed. " That moot be," sed I ; " for after theaw 
 laft me, eawr Seroh browt me meh supper an hoo 
 moot leeave it opp'n." " By th' miss!" sed Yed, 
 " if so, Turn, this very cowt'ill prove th' boggart ! 
 Let's into the leath an see, for it's naw so dark 
 as't wur." " With aw meh heart," sed I; " boh 
 let's stick toth' tone tother's hond then." A 
 thiss'n we went into th' leath ; and by meh truth, 
 Meary, I know naw whot think; there wur a yep- 
 sintle a cowt tooarts upoth' lower part oth' hey- 
 mough, an th' pleck where it had lyen, as plene as 
 a pike-staff. But still, ift' wur hit ot carrit meh, 
 
FT V " 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 109 
 
 " Do not trouble thy head about that; I've two 
 at home, and I'll give thee one ; come, let us be 
 off," said he. So we were marching away, but, 
 before we had got five roods, I saw something, 
 and set up a great shriek, (for I thought I had 
 seen Old Nick again, Lord bless us !) Says Ned, 
 " What art thou in egg with now, Thomas?" I 
 pointed my finger, and said, " Is not that the 
 devil?" " Which?" said he. " That, under the 
 hedge," said I. " No, no, not it; that's our young 
 colt, that lays out," said Ned. " The deuce it 
 is !" said I ; " but I think in my guts, it was that 
 which carried me out of the barn." Then Ned 
 asked me if the door was open; I told him I 
 thought it was. " But I'm sure I closed it," 
 said Ned. " That might be," said I ; " for 
 after thou left me, our Sarah brought me my 
 supper, and she might leave it open." " By 
 the mass !" said Ned, " if so, Tom, this very colt 
 will prove to be the ghost ! Let's into the barn 
 and see, for it's not so dark as it was." " With 
 all my heart," said I. On this we went into the 
 barn ; and by my troth, Mary, I know not what to 
 think ; there was two handfulls of colt's dung upon 
 the lower part of the hay-mow, and the place 
 where it had laid as plain as a pike-staff. But still, 
 if it was it that carried me, I marvel how I could 
 
110 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 I marvil heaw I cou'd stick on so lung, it wur eh 
 sitch a hurry to get awey ! 
 
 Mea. Whot te firrups! it signifies nowt, for 
 whether ye stickt on, or feel off, I find that eawr 
 Owd Nick wur th' cowt at lies reawt. 
 
 Turn. Whau, I connaw sey a deeol abeawt it, 
 it looks likely, as teaw seys : but if this wur not a 
 boggart, I think there never wur none, if teyd'n 
 bin reetly sifted into. 
 
 Mea. Marry, I'm mitch eh yore mind, 4 — but 
 hark ye, did neh leet o' yer sark? 
 
 Turn. Eigh, eigh ; I height eh meh pocket, se 
 the, for its boh meet neaw at eh took me leave 
 o Yed, on neaw theaw sees I'm running meh 
 country. 
 
 Mea. On whot dunneh think t' doo? 
 
 Turn. I think t' be an ostler; for I con mex'n, 
 keem, on fettle tits, os weel os onny one on um 
 aw, tho' theaw mey think its gawstring. 
 
 Mea. Ney, I con believe o' E law, whot o 
 
 cank han we had ! I mennaw eem t' stey onney 
 lunger. God be with o ; for I mun owey. 
 
 Turn. Howd: — Ney, Meary, le meh ha one 
 smeawtch ot parting, for theaw'rt none sich o feaw 
 whean nother. 
 
 Mea. Ney,— neaw, — so, Tummus, — go teaw on 
 slaver Seroh o'Ratchot's in ye bin so kipper. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. Ill 
 
 stick on so long, it was in such a hurry to get 
 away ! 
 
 Mary. What the deuce! it signifies nought, 
 for whether you stuck on, or fell off, I find that 
 our Old Nick was the colt that lies out. 
 
 Tho. Why I cannot say a deal about it; it does 
 look likely, as thou says: but if this was not a 
 sprite, I think there never was none, if they had 
 been rightly sifted into. 
 
 Mary. Marry, I'm much of your mind, but 
 hark ye, did you not light of your shirt? 
 
 Tho. Ay, Ay; I have it in my pocket, look 
 thee, for it's but just now I took my leave of Ned, 
 and now thou sees I'm running my country. 
 
 Mary. And what do you think to do? 
 
 Tho. I think to be an ostler, for I can mixen, 
 comb and dress horses, as well as any of them all, 
 although thou may think it's boasting. 
 
 Mary. Nay, I can believe you — Eh law, what 
 a talk we have had, I have not time to stay any 
 longer. God be with you ; for I must away. 
 
 Tho. Hold! Pray, Mary, let me have one kiss 
 at parting, for thou'rt not such an ugly one nei- 
 ther. 
 
 Mary. Nay, — now, — so Thomas, go away and 
 slobber Sarah at Ratchot's, if you are so fond. 
 
112 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Why neaw, heaw spytfoo theaw art? 
 Whot in o body doo like Seroh? there's no body 
 boh the lik'n somebody. 
 
 Mea. Eigh, true Tummus ; boh then sometimes 
 somebody likes somebody elze ! 
 
 Turn. I geawse whot te meons : for theawrt 
 glenting ot tat flopper meawth't gob-sloteh Bill 
 o' Owd Katty's: becose ot fok sen Seroh hankers 
 after im. I marvil whot te dule hoo con see in 
 him : I'm mad at hur ! 
 
 Mea. Like enough; for its o feaw life t' luff 
 thoose ot lufF'n other fok: boh yoar o ninyhom- 
 mer t' heed 'ur; for there's none sitch farrantly 
 tawk abeawt'r! 
 
 Turn. Why, whot done they say? 
 
 Mea. I mennaw tell: beside yoan happly tey't 
 non so weel in o body shou'd. 
 
 Turn. Whaw, I connaw be angurt ot tee, chez 
 whot tey seys, os lung os to boh harms after other 
 fok. 
 
 Mea. Why then, they sen, ot hoos o mawkinly 
 dagg'd a — st, wisktel't whean ; on — on — 
 
 Turn. On whot Meary ? Speyk eawt. 
 
 Mea. Why to be plene with o; tey sen ot hur 
 moother took Bill o Owd Katty's on hur eh bed 
 t'gether, last Sunday morning. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 113 
 
 Tho. Why now how spiteful thou art? What 
 can a body do, if he likes Sarah? there's nobody 
 but likes somebody. 
 
 Mary. Ay, true Thomas ; but then sometimes 
 somebody likes somebody else ! 
 
 Tho. I guess what thou means ; for thou'rt look- 
 ing after that blubber -lip'd blockhead Bill at old 
 Katty's: because that folks say Sarah hankers 
 after him. I marvel what the devil she can see in 
 him : I'm mad at her. 
 
 Mary. Like enough; for it's a weary life to 
 love those that love other people : but you are a 
 silly fellow to heed her ; for there's none such de- 
 cent talk abo^t her! 
 
 Tho. Why, what do they say? 
 
 Mary. I mustn't tell: perhaps you might hap- 
 pen to take it none so well if a body should. 
 
 Tho. Why, I cannot be angry at thee, chuse 
 what thou says, as long a& thou but speaks after 
 other folk. 
 
 Mary. Why then, they say, she's a dirty drag- 
 gle-tailed quean; and — and — 
 
 Tho. And what, Mary? Speak out. 
 
 Mary. Why, to be plain with you; they say 
 her mother took this Bill in bed with her last 
 Sunday morning. 
 
114 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. E — the dev — (good Lord bless us) is tat 
 true? 
 
 Mea. True ! heaw should it be otherways, for 
 hur moother wur crying on soughing to me deme 
 last Munday yeandurth obeawt it. 
 
 Turn. 'Sflesh, Meary! I'm fit cruttle deawn in- 
 to th' yeoarth : I'd leefer o tean forty eawls ! 
 
 Mea. Why luck it neaw ; I'm een sooary for't : 
 God help it, will it topple o'er? munneh howd it 
 heeod while it heart brasts o bit? 
 
 Turn. E, Meary; theaw little gawms heaw it 
 thrutches me plucks! for if t' did, theaw'd naw 
 mey sitch o hobbil on meh. 
 
 Mea. Neaw eh meh good troth, I con heardly 
 howd meh unlaight, t' see heaw fast yore en luff's 
 clutches ! Boh I thowt I'd try o. 
 
 Turn. Meary, whot dus to meeon? 
 
 Mea. Why I towd o parcil o thumping lies o 
 purpose to pump o. 
 
 Turn. The dickons tey the, Meary — whot on 
 awkert whean ar teaw ! whot teh plague did t' flay 
 meh o thiss'n far! theawrt o wheant lass — I'd 
 leefer o gon the arnt forty mile. 
 
 Mea. Eigh, o hundurt, rether than o had it o 
 bin true: but I thowt I'd try o. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 115 
 
 Tho. The dev — , (good Lord bless us !) is that 
 true? 
 
 Mary. True ! how should it be otherwise, for 
 her mother was crying and sobbing to my mistress 
 last Monday afternoon about it. 
 
 Tho. 'Sflesh, Mary! I'm ready to sink down 
 into the earth : I'd rather have taken forty owls ! 
 
 Mary. Why look ye now; I'm even sorry for 
 it: God help it, will it tumble o'er? must I hold 
 its head whilst its heart breaks a bit? 
 
 Tho. Ah, Mary ; thou little knows how it hurts 
 my feelings ! for if thou did, thou'd not make a 
 fool of me. 
 
 Mary. Now in my good truth, I can hardly 
 keep from laughing, to see how fast thou art in 
 love's clutches ! but I thought I'd try you. 
 
 Tho. Mary, what dost thou mean? 
 
 Mary. Why, I told a parcel of thumping lies 
 on purpose to pump you. 
 
 Tho. The deuce take thee, Mary — what an 
 awkward wench art thou ! what the plague didst 
 thou flee me alive this way for! thou art a comical 
 lass — I'd rather have gone the errant forty miles. 
 
 Mary. Ay, a hundred, rather than had it been 
 true ; but I thought I'd try thee. 
 
 i2 
 
116 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 
 
 Turn. Well; on if I dunnaw try thee, titter or 
 latter, ittle be o marvel ! 
 
 Mea. It's o greyt marcy yo connow doot neaw 
 for cruttling deawn. — Boh I mun owey: for if 
 meh deme be cumn whoam there'll be ricking. — 
 Well, think on ot yoad'n rether ha tene forty 
 eawls! (laughing, J 
 
 Turn. I's think on ot teaw looks o bit whisky, 
 chez whot Seroh o Rutchots is. 
 
 Mea. I heard um sey ot gexing's o kint lying, 
 on ot proof oth' pudding's ith' eyghting.— So fere 
 weel, Tummus. 
 
 Turn. Meary, fere the well heartily; on gi' meh 
 luff to Seroh, let't leet heawt will. 
 
 Mea. Winneh forgi' meh then? 
 Turn. By th' Miss well eh, Meary, froth' bothum 
 o me crop. 
 
THE INTERPRETATION. 117 
 
 Tho. Well; and if I do not try thee sooner or 
 later it will be a marvel ! 
 
 Mary. It's a great mercy you can't do it now 
 without stooping down. — But I must away: for if 
 my dame be come home there'll be scolding. — 
 Well, think on that, thou'd rather have taken forty 
 owls! (laughing.) 
 
 Tho. I think that thou looks a bit waggish, 
 chuse whatever Sarah at Ratchot's is. 
 
 Mary. I heard 'em say that guessings a kin to 
 lying, and that proof of the pudding is in the eat- 
 ing. — So farewell Thomas. 
 
 Tho. Mary, fare thee well heartily; and give 
 my love to Sarah, let it happen how it will. 
 
 Mary. Will you forgive me then? 
 
 Tho. By the Mass, will I, Mary, from the bot- 
 tom of my heart! 
 
OBSERVATIONS, 
 
 WHICH MAY BE USEFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE 
 STRANGERS TO THE LANCASHIRE PRONUNCIA- 
 TION. 
 
 In some places in Lancashire we sound a instead 
 of o, and o instead of a. For example, we say 
 far, instead of for ; shart, instead of short ; and 
 again, we say hort, instead of heart ; and port, 
 instead oipart ; hont, instead of hand, &c *" 
 
 Al and all are generally sounded broad; as, 
 aw (or 6) for all; haw (or ho) for hall; Awmeety, 
 for Almighty ; awlus, for always, &c. 
 
 In some places we sound k, instead of g ; as, 
 think, instead of thing; wooink, for wooing, &c. 
 
 The letter d at the end of words, and the ter- 
 mination ed, are often changed into t ; as, behint, 
 for behind; wynt, for wind; awkert, for awk- 
 ward; awtert, for altered, &c. 
 
 In some parts it is common to sound ou and ow 
 as a ; as, tha, for thou ; ka (or ca) for cow. In 
 
( 120 ) 
 
 other places we sound the ou and ow as eu; as, 
 theaw, for thou; keaw, for cow; heawse, for 
 house; meawse, for mouse. 
 
 The Saxon termination en is generally re- 
 tained, but mute ; as, hafn, lotfn, desir'n, thinlcn, 
 boughtfn, &c. 
 
 In general we speak quick and short ; and cut 
 off a great many letters, and even words, by apos- 
 trophes ; and sometimes sound two, three, or more 
 words as one. For instance, we say Til got" (or 
 Til gut\) for Til go to ; runt\ for run to ; hoost, 
 for she shall; intle (or infll) for if thou will; I 
 woudidd'n, for I wish you would, &c. 
 
 But as trade in a general way has now flou- 
 rished for near a century, the inhabitants not only 
 travel, but encourage all sorts of useful learning ; 
 so that among hills, and places formerly unfre- 
 quented by strangers, the people begin, within the 
 few years of the author's observations, to speak 
 much better English, if it can properly be called 
 so. 
 
 1755. JOHN COLLIER. 
 
GLOSSARY 
 
 OF THE 
 
 OBSOLETE WORDS 
 
 IN THE 
 
 LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 
 
 ILLUSTRATED BY QUOTATIONS 
 
 FROM THE EARLIEST ENGLISH WRITERS. 
 
 Agate, agoing, from gait. 
 
 I pray you, memory, set him agate again. — Shakespeare* 
 Agog, anxiously, begun. 
 
 On which the saints are all agog, 
 
 And all this for a bear and dog. — Hudibras. 
 An, if, and. 
 
 He will, an he live to be a man. — Shakespeare. 
 Anent, or aneenst, opposite. 
 
 An right anenst him a dog snarling-er. — B. Jonson. 
 Anon, coming. 
 
 Th' anon, Sir, doth obey the call. — Shakespeare. 
 Another -gates, another sort. 
 
 And his bringing up another-gates marriage than such a 
 minion. — Lilly's Mother Bombie. 
 Ark, a chest or coffer. 
 
 Then first of all came Sir Satyrane, 
 
 Bearing that precious relic in an ark 
 
 Of gold, that bad eyes might not it profane. 
 
 Spenser's Faery Queene. 
 
122 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Arrant, bad in a high degree. 
 
 Country folks, who hallooed and hooted after me, as at the 
 arrantest coward that ever shewed his shoulder to the 
 enemy. — Sidney. 
 
 Astound, to astonish, confound with fear and wonder. 
 These thoughts may startle well, but not astound 
 The virtuous mind. — Milton. 
 
 Awf, or oaf, sl foolish child, or fairy changling. 
 
 Says that the fairy left this awf 
 
 And took away the other. — Drayton. 
 
 Balderdash, to mix or adulterate any liquor. 
 When monarchy began to bleed, 
 
 And treason had a fine new name ; 
 When Thames was balder dasti d with Tweed, 
 And pulpits did like beacons flame. 
 
 The Geneva Ballad, 1674. 
 Ban, a curse or interdiction. 
 
 Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, 
 With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected. — Hamlet. 
 Bang, a blow, a thump. 
 
 With many a stiff thwack, many a bang, 
 Hard crabtree and old iron rang. — Hudibras. 
 
 Barn, that is things born, a child. 
 
 On St. John's evyn the Baptist, 
 The best barn was under Christ. 
 
 Gwaine and Gawin, Ritson's Met. Romances. 
 Bate, to lessen or lower any thing, except. 
 Nor envious at the sight will I forbear 
 My plenteous bowl, nor bate my plenteous cheer. — Donne. 
 Bate me some, and I will pay you some. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Batter, a mixture of which pancakes, &c. are made. 
 
 Turkey poults fresh from the egg in batter fried. 
 Beclcn, to call with the fingers. 
 
 Alexander beckoned with the hand, &c. — Acts. 
 
GLOSSARY. 123 
 
 Beest, undigested milk, first given by the cow after 
 calving. 
 
 And twice besides her beestings never fail 
 
 To store the dairy with a brimming pail. — Dryden. 
 Belling or bellowing, loud noise, roaring. 
 
 The beasts that haunt those springs 
 
 From whom I hear those dreadful bell'ings 
 
 Brown s Pastorals, 
 Bench, or stool, or seat. 
 
 The seats and benches shone of Ivory. — Spenser, 
 Blain, a little boil or pustule, 
 
 Botches and Mains must all his flesh imboss 
 
 And all his people. — Milton. 
 Blend, or blent, to mingle together. 
 
 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white 
 
 Nature's own sweet and cunning hand has laid on. — Shak. 
 
 Blinkart, blind of one eye, or bad eyes. 
 
 Brainless blinkarts that blow at the Cole. — Shelton's Poems. 
 
 Blur, a blot, to stain, to sully. 
 
 Sarcasms may eclipse thine own 
 
 But cannot blur my lost renown. — Hudibras, i. 3. 
 
 Bode, did abide, also to foretel. 
 
 This bodes some strange eruption to our state. — Shakespeare, 
 
 Boggle, to be afraid, Boggart an appartion 
 
 Yon boggle shrewdly, every feather starts you.— Ibid. 
 
 Brabble, brablement, a squabble or falling out. 
 This is not a place 
 To brabble in: Calianax join hands. — Beaumont and Fletcher, 
 
 Braggot, or braket, new ale spiced with sugar. 
 
 Her mouth was sweet as braket, or the nieth or hord of ap- 
 ples, laid in hay or heth. — Chaucer. 
 Brast, burst, broken. 
 
 But dreadful furies which their chains have brast. — Spenser. 
 Brat, 8l child, also a coarse apron. 
 
 The brat is none of mine! — Shakespeare. 
 
124 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Brindlt or brindled, a mixture of colours in animals. 
 
 Thrice the brindled cat hath mewed. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Britchel or brittle, apt to break. 
 
 A wit quick without brightness, sharp without brittleness. — 
 
 R. Ascham's S. Mr. 
 Bruit, to report, a rumour. 
 
 A thousand things besides, she bruits and tells. 
 
 Mirrour for Magistrates. 
 Burly, thick, heavy, clumsy. 
 
 'Twixt their burly sacks and full stocked barns they stand. 
 
 Drayton's Pol. 
 
 Canker, cankered, corrosion, virulence, ill-natured. 
 As with age his body uglier grows, 
 So his mind with cankers. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Cark, to be careful and diligent. 
 
 Hark, my husband ! he's singing and hooting 
 
 And I'm fain to cark and care, and all little enough. 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 Carl or clown. 
 
 The carle beheld and saw his guest. — Spenser. 
 
 Cartings, pease boiled on Coare Sunday, i. e. the Sun- 
 day before Palm Sunday. 
 
 There be all the lads and all the lasses, 
 
 Set down in the midst of the Ha', 
 With sybows, (onions,) and rifarts, (radishes,) and carlings, 
 That are both sodden (boiled) and raw. — Old Scottish Song. 
 Carron or currion, a term of reproach. 
 
 Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mrs. Quickly, to him? 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 Catter wauling, catterwaw, by Chaucer, rambling in the 
 night after the manner of cats. 
 
 What a catterwauling do you keep here? — Shakespeare. 
 
 Char, a small job of work, also to stop. 
 
 His hand to woll, and arras worke, and women's chares he 
 laid. — Warner's Alb. Eng. 
 
GLOSSARY. 125 
 
 Chargers, platters, dishes. 
 
 Give me here John Baptist's head in a charger. — St. Matthew. 
 Chary, careful, nicely cautious. 
 
 Xor am I chary of my beauty's hue, 
 
 But that I am troubled with the tooth-ache sore. 
 
 George a Greene, 0. P. 
 Chieve, to prosper, to succeed. 
 
 You have used a doctor fame-worn, and therefore look for ill 
 chieving. — Ulysses upon Ajax. 
 Churn- getting, or Churn-supper. 
 
 Because at harvest home, from immemorial time, it was cus- 
 tomary to produce in a churn at supper, a great quantity of 
 cream, and to circulate it in cups to each of the rustic com- 
 pany, to be eaten with bread. — Brand's Pop. Ant. vol. i. 
 p. 449. 
 Clammer, to climb, also a noise. 
 
 Methinkes they might beware by other's harmes, 
 And eke eschue to clammer up so hye. — Mirr.for Magis. 
 Clammy, glutinous, adhesive, ropy. 
 
 Cold sweats in clammy drops his limbs o'erspread. — Dry den. 
 Clemmed, famished, starved. 
 
 Hard is the choice, when the valiant must eat their arms, or 
 clem. — Ben Jonson. 
 Clough, a wood or valley between two hills. 
 The other Clym of the Clough 
 An archer good enough. — Ballad of Adam Bell. 
 Clutter, all on heaps. 
 
 He saw what a clutter there was with huge overgrown pots, 
 pans, and spits. — UEstrange. 
 
 Cockers and Trashes, old stockings without feet, worn 
 as spatterdashes over the shoes; some years back 
 known as Welsh boots. 
 
 Nowe doth he inly scorne his Kendall greene, 
 And his patch'd cockers now despised beene. 
 
 Bp. HalVs Satires. 
 Cochet, brisk, pert, or saucy. 
 To wax cocket. — Sherwood. 
 
126 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Coil, a great stir ; also, a lump on the head by a blow. 
 You will not believe what a coil I had the other day to com- 
 pound a business between a Kattern pear-woman and him, 
 about snatching. — Ben Jonson. 
 
 Crackling, or cracknels, a thin wheaten cake. 
 
 Take with thee ten loaves and cracknels. — 1 Kings, xiv. 3. 
 
 Cratch, a rack for hay in a stable. 
 
 She leyde him in a cratch. — Wicliffe ; Luke, ii. 
 
 Crevisi or crevice, a hole or crack. 
 
 I pried me through the crevice of a wall. — Titus And. 
 Crib, a place to hold calves or oxen. 
 
 Where no oxen are the crib is clean. — Proverbs, xiv. 4. 
 
 Cricks and howds, pains and strains. 
 
 'Tis nothing, she'll tell you, but a crick she has got in her 
 back. — Quevedo's Visions. 
 Cricket, a small stool ; also, a house insect. 
 
 Far from all resort of mirth, 
 
 Save the cricket on the hearth. — Milton, II Pen. 
 
 Crinkle, to rumple a thing ; also, to bend under a 
 weight. 
 
 Comely crinkled, 
 
 Wondrously wrinkled. — Skelton. 
 
 Crony, an old acquaintance or companion. 
 
 So when the Scots, your constant cronies, 
 
 Th' espousers of your cause and monies. — Hudibras. 
 
 Dab, being active at any thing. 
 
 The third is a dab at an index ! — Goldsmith, 
 
 Daggled-tale, bemired ; a dirty slut. 
 
 To see the dung'd folds of dag-taiVd sheep. — HalVs Satire. 
 
 Dickons, an interjection, much the same with " the 
 devil!" 
 
 I cannot tell what the dickons his name is ! — Shakespeare. 
 
GLOSSARY, 127 
 
 Din, a constant, tiresome noise. 
 
 While the cock with lively din. — Milton. 
 
 Ding, to bluster, to bounce, to huff. 
 
 He huffs and dings. — Arbuthnot. 
 Doff, to put off dress, or hat. 
 
 Doff those tinks. 
 
 Nature, in awe to him, 
 
 Had doff'd her gaudy trim. — Milton. 
 Draff, grains or sediments of ale. 
 
 No, give them grains their fill, 
 
 Husks, draff, to drink and swill. — Ben Jonson. 
 
 Elder, one of Cromwell's Justices of the Peace.* A 
 cow's udder. 
 
 Flea-bitten Synod, an assembly brew'd 
 
 Of clerks and elder's ana ; like the rude 
 
 Chaos of Presbytery, where laymen ride 
 
 With the tame woolpack clergy by their side. — Cleveland. 
 
 Fag-end, the tail end ; a remnant. 
 
 At the world's fag-end 
 
 A land — doth lie. — Fanshaw. 
 
 Famish, to starve by famine. 
 
 What, did he marry me to famish me? — Shakespeare. 
 
 Farrenhly, fair and clean ; handsome. 
 
 Afarrenkly looking body. — Anon. 
 
 Farrow, to bring forth pigs. 
 
 The thirty pigs at one large litter farrow' d. — Dryden. 
 
 Fettle, to put in order or condition. 
 
 Nor list he now go whistling to the car, 
 But sells his team, dLiidfettleth to the war. 
 
 Bishop Hall's Satire. 
 
 * Collier. 
 
128 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Fey, to remove the earth. 
 
 By j eying and casting that mud upon heaps, 
 
 Commodities many the husbandman reaps. — Tusser, 
 Flet, skimmed milk. 
 
 The drink flet milk, which they just warm. — Mortimer, 
 Flick, a flitch of bacon. 
 
 Another brought a splycke 
 
 Of a bacon flicke. — Tusser. 
 Flit, to remove from a house, &c. 
 
 at last it flitted is, 
 
 Whither the souls of men do fly that live amiss. — Spenser, 
 
 Fob, a pocket. 
 
 Who pick'd a. fob at holding- forth. — Hudibras, 
 Fog, young, strong, or latter-grass, after mowing. 
 
 The thick and well-grown /og doth mat my smoother slades. 
 
 Drayton's Pol, xiii. 294. 
 Foist, stinking, fusty, or mouldy. 
 
 The old moth-eaten, leaden legend, and the foisty and 
 finowed festival. — Favour, Antiq. fyc. 1619, p. 334. 
 Foo~goad, a plaything, or a trifling person. 
 
 Didst thou ever see such &foo-goad felly? — L, D. 
 Foomart, polecat or fitchat. 
 
 Foxes and foumarts, with all other vermine. 
 
 Ascham, Toxoph, 
 
 Foir-new, fine ; very new, or span new. 
 
 A man of fire-new words, Fashion's own knight. 
 
 Shakespeare, 
 Frap, to crack, or fall into a passion. 
 
 Whose heart was frapp' d with such surprising woe. 
 
 Palace of Pleasure, vol. ii. 
 Frim, rich, thriving. 
 
 Through the frim pastures, freely at his leisures. — Drayton, 
 Frump, a mock or jeer. 
 
 Pray leave these frumps, sir, and receive this letter. 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher, 
 
GLOSSARY. 129 
 
 FussocJc, a term of reproach for fat idle women. 
 
 Afussock of a woman, sir, she was. — Anon, 
 
 Gad, to run about, as cows in hot weather. 
 
 Give the water no passage, neither a wicked woman liberty 
 to gad abroad. — Eccles. xxv. 25. 
 
 Gam, gammon, fine sport, diversion ; also game. 
 
 The same definition in Hit son's Glossary to Metrical Romances. 
 
 Gan, began to ; gane, go or gone. 
 Dore ne window was thar nane, 
 Whar he myght oway gane. — Ritson's Met. Rom. i. 34. 
 
 Gar, to make, or fence. 
 
 Tell me, good Hobind, what gars thee greet (weep) 1 . 
 
 "What ! has some wolf thy tender lambs y torn 1 
 
 Or is thy bagpipe broke, that sounds so sweet r 
 
 Or art thou of thy loved lass forlorn ? — Spenser's Shep. Cal. 
 
 Garth, & hoop for tubs, a girdle, an enclosure, &c. 
 Vide Johnson's Dictionary, by Todd. 
 
 Gash, a large cut or wound. 
 
 and from the gash 
 
 A stream of nectareous humour issuing flow'd. 
 
 Milton's Paradise Lost. 
 
 Gate-away, gone forward, or on his way. 
 He runne fast on his gate, 
 Tyl he cam to the castel yate. 
 
 Gaunt, lean, empty, meagre, &c. 
 
 Gawby, or gawky, stupid, awkward, ungainly, &c. 
 
 Refer to Brande's Popular Antiquities, where he denominates 
 gawby, or cuckoo, as a name of contempt ; as, " April 
 gtiwks." 
 
130 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Gawm, understand or comprehend ; also, unhandsomely 
 looking. — Todd's Johnson. 
 
 Gawpe, galp, or gape, to stare with open mouth. 
 The king gaped and gazed upon her with open mouth. 
 
 1 Esdras, iv. 31. 
 
 Gawster, an expressive word for to boast ; gawstring, 
 hectoring, bragging. 
 
 Gibberidge, or gibberish, stammering, or imperfect 
 speech ; fustian language. — Vide Todd's Johnson. 
 What, methynke ye be clerkyshe, 
 Tor ye speak good gibberish. — Interlude of Youth, 1557. 
 
 Giggle, to laugh wantonly. 
 
 The giggler is a milk-maid. — Herbert. 
 
 Glead, a kind of hawk or kite. 
 
 Ye shall not eat the glead, the kite, or the vulture. — Deut. 
 
 Glimmer, to shine a little. 
 
 The west yet glimmers with some streaks of day. — Milton. 
 
 Glister, to shine or sparkle. 
 
 The helmets glister brightest in the fairest sunshine. 
 
 Spenser. 
 Gloppnt, frightened, astonished. 
 
 Gob, a large piece of meat, a mouthful. 
 Such a gob of money. — 1/ 'Estrange. 
 
 Gobbet, as much as can be swallowed at once. 
 
 Full of great lumps of flesh and gobbets raw. — Spenser. 
 
 Gog, agog, haste, desire to go. 
 
 You have put me in such a gog of going, I would not stay 
 for all the world. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 
GLOSSARY. 131 
 
 Gorse, furze, a prickly shrub. 
 
 And for fair corn-ground are our fields surcloy'd with worth- 
 less gorse. — Kyd, an. 1594. 
 
 Greadly, gray tidy, well, right handsomely. 
 
 Ritson's Met. Rom. 
 
 Grip, or grippen, clenched hand or fist ; strength. 
 Submit to those who are of grip or might. — Drayton. 
 
 Grits, sand ; or groats, oats husked, sauce to goose. 
 
 Plague him ! give him goose without groats! — Anon. 
 
 Grope, to feel awkwardly, in the dark. 
 
 We grope for the wall like the blind, and we grope as if we 
 had no eyes. — Isaiah, lix. 10. 
 
 Groin, a swine's snout. 
 
 Solomon likeneth a fair woman, that is a fool of hire body, 
 to a ring of gold that is worne in the groine of a sowe. 
 
 Chaucer. 
 
 Gry, an easy ague-fit, or a small measure. — Todd's 
 Johnson. 
 
 Gurd (burst) of laughter.— Ibid. 
 
 Gutt\ an abbreviation for " Go to !" frequently found 
 in Shakespeare, 8$c. 
 
 Guzzett, a four-square piece of cloth, whereby the arm- 
 pit of a shirt is widened. — Cotgrave's Dictionary. 
 
 HacJct, or haclc'd, to cut bunglingly. 
 
 Fll fight till from my bones my flesh be hack'd. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Had-loonH-rean, the gutter or space between the head- 
 lands and others. 
 
 Haft, or heft, the handle of a knife ; heft, is also life. 
 
 But yet ne fond I nought the haft, 
 
 Which might unto the blade accord. — Gower. 
 
 k2 
 
132 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Hag, or haggus, the belly. 
 
 A word of Scottish immortality, by a well-known delicate 
 dish — haggis, 
 
 Haigs, or hawes, the whitethorn berry, or hawthorn. 
 
 Store of haws and hips portend cold winter. — Bacon, 
 
 Hal o' Nabs, Henry of Abrahams. 
 
 Son of, as Ap, Be, or Fitz, 
 
 Halliblash, (blaze,) a great light. 
 
 As Hallimas means All-souls, and Hallidom, Holy-dame, so 
 may this mean, Holy-light, 
 
 Halloo, to shout. 
 
 If I fly, Marchis, 
 
 Halloo me like a hare. — Shakespeare, 
 
 Hammil, a hamlet, or village. 
 
 Hanker, to long for, to covet. 
 
 And felt such bowel hankerings, 
 
 To see an empire all of Kings ! — Hudibras, 
 
 Hap, to cover ; also, to pat or encourage a dog. 
 
 He should not be the better hapt, or covered from cold. 
 
 More's Utopia, 1551. 
 Haply, perhaps, it may be. 
 
 This love of theirs myself have often seen, 
 
 Haply when they have judged me fast asleep. — Shakespeare, 
 
 Harbour, to entertain, to shelter. 
 
 My lady bids me tell you, that though she harbours you as 
 her uncle, she's nothing allied to your disorders. 
 
 Shakespeare, 
 
 Harr, to snarl like an angry dog ; a storm proceeding 
 from the sea. — Todd's Johnson, 
 
 Harry, to hurry, to tease, to vex. 
 I repent me much 
 That I so harry' d him. — Shakespeare. 
 
GLOSSARY. 133 
 
 Haver, oats ; as, haver -bread, for, oaten-bread. 
 
 When you would anneal, take a blue stone, such as they 
 make haver, or oat-cakes, upon, and lay it upon the cross 
 bars of iron. — Peacham. 
 Haust, a cough or cold. — Todd's Johnson, 
 Hawmes, the collar by which a horse draws. 
 Hey-go-mad, like mad ; to do anything to excess. 
 
 Todd's Johnson, 
 Hilling, a bed hilling, a coverlet. 
 
 Cease then, all you that aim at the hilling-\iip of fatal gold. 
 
 Hewyt, 
 
 Hobbling, limping, awkward gait ; also, stammering. 
 The friar was hobbling the same way too. — Dryden, 
 
 Hob-nob, rashly ; a term in drinking, proceeding from 
 beer, in old times, being on the hob, or stones at 
 either end of the fire, to warm ; and cold beer on a 
 round table, or what is called a nob; by which is 
 meant, " Will you have cold or warm drink?" 
 Hobgoblin, an apparition, fairy, or spirit. 
 
 Crier hobgoblin, make the fairy O yes ! — Shakespeare, 
 Hose, stockings. 
 
 He being in love, could not see to garter his hose, 
 
 Shakespeare, 
 Hough, a foot, or more properly, the leg or hock. 
 
 Thou shalt hough their horses. — Joshua, xi. 6. 
 Huckster, a seller of herbs, roots, or small ware. 
 
 A merchant shall hardly keep himself from doing wrong, and 
 an huckster shall not be freed from sin. — Ecclus, xxvi. 29. 
 Hugger-mugger, peevish, uncomfortable, cross-grained. 
 The patrimony which a few 
 Now hold in hugger-mugger in their hand, 
 And all the rest do rot of goods and land. — Spenser, 
 
 Hummobee, the large round, or stingless, bee. 
 
 The honey-bags steal from the humble-bees, — Shakespeare, 
 
134 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Hurley -hurley ', tumult, commotion, bustle. 
 
 When the hurley -hurley's done, 
 
 When the battle's lost and won. — Shakespeare, 
 
 Inkling, a hint ; a tendency or liking to any thing. 
 
 He had lytle inklinge that it was a speciall friend of his who 
 kyll'd the deer. — Archb. Cranmer's Answer to Gardner. 
 
 Jackanapes, a term of derision, from Jack and ape. 
 
 He played Jackeanapes, swearynge, by his ten bones (his fin- 
 gers or toes). — Bale, 
 Jingum-bobs, playthings, nick-nacks. 
 He rifled all his pokes and fobs, 
 Of gimcracks, whims, and j in gum-bobs, — Hudibras, 
 
 Kackle, or cackle, the noise of a hen after laying. 
 
 Johnson, 
 Kee, or kye, cows, or kine. 
 
 A lass, that Cicely hight, had won his heart, 
 Cicely, the western lass, that tends the kee, — Spenser, 
 
 Keen, keen-bitten, sharp or well-edged. 
 
 Here is my keen-edged sword. — Shakespeare, 
 
 Kemb, a comb ; perhaps more proper. — Johnson, 
 Yet are there men more loose than they, 
 More kemb'd and bath'd, and rubb'd and trimm'd, 
 More sleek. — Ben Jonson, 
 
 Kest, cast ; still used in Scotland. 
 
 The rosie mark, which she remembred well, 
 
 That little infant had, which forth she kest. — Spenser, 
 
 Kibe, a chap in the heel, caused by cold. 
 
 If 'twere a kibe, 'twould put me to my slipper. — Shakespeare, 
 Kin, kind, sort ; relations. 
 
 Some kin affray, 
 
 Envie or pride, passion or offence. — Chaucer, 
 
GLOSSARY. 135 
 
 Kindly, a kindly cow, or kindly tree. 
 
 The kindly fruits of the earth. — Litany. 
 Kinh-haust, or chink-cough, sl violent cold. 
 
 Todd's Johnson. 
 
 Lamm, to beat. 
 
 Lamm'd you shall be ere we leave you, — you shall be beaten 
 sober.- — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 
 Lant, urine. 
 
 Your frequent drinking country ale with lant in't. 
 
 Glassthorne' s Wit in a Constable, 1639. 
 Lap, to wrap over. 
 
 Lap me in soft Lydian airs.— -Milton. 
 Largess, much ; a present, a bounty. 
 
 And liberal largess are grown somewhat light. — Shakespeare. 
 Latched, infecting, catching. 
 
 From bough to bough he leaped light, 
 
 And oft the pumies latctid. — Spenser. 
 
 Leawp-holes, or loop-hole, to give air in barns, or a light 
 in passages. 
 
 From her cabin'd loop-hole peep. — Milton. 
 Leeof, (leef,) I'd as leef, I would as soon. 
 
 All were the lief or loth. — Spenser. 
 Lick, a blow; rough usage. 
 
 And gave me a lick across the face. — Dryden. 
 Ling, a kind of long heath. 
 
 Heath, and ling, and sedges. — Bacon's Nat. Hist. 
 Loathe, unwilling. 
 
 Egyptians shall loathe to drink the waters. — Exodus. 
 Loft, a chamber, or upper room. 
 
 Eutychus fell down from the third loft. — Acts. 
 Lopperd millc, curdled milk. — Ainsworth. 
 Lug, to pull by the hair. 
 
 With hair in character and lugs in text. — Cleveland. 
 
136 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Lurdin, or Lord Dane, an idle lubberly fellow. 
 
 Lourdains or clowns attired in their ordinary working-day 
 clothe s . — Florio . 
 
 Mar, to spoil a child, &c, or injure. 
 
 Take care to mar not, when thou think'st to mend. — Fairfax. 
 Masht, broke to pieces. 
 
 They would even mash themselves, and all things else, to 
 pieces. — More. 
 
 Maskin, a sort of petty oath. 
 
 By the maskin, methought they were so indeed.— Chapman. 
 Maukin, & bundle of rags to sweep an oven, a dirty 
 woman. 
 
 A crooked carcass, a maukin, a witch, &c. — Burton. 
 Maunder, to grumble, or walking stupidly. 
 
 Maundering as if I had done him a discourtesy. — Wiseman. 
 Maw, a stomach, or inclination. 
 
 I have no maw to marriage. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 Mes'n, or mixen, heap of dung or cleaning of a stable. 
 
 The sunne that shineth on the mixene. — Chaucer. 
 Midding, or midden, heap of muck. 
 
 A very miaaen, or mucke heape, of all the grossest errors and 
 heresies of the Romish Church. — Favour, 1619. 
 Molder, to confound, to distract. — Todd's Johnson. 
 
 Mowdywarp, or moldwarp, a mole. 
 
 And like a moldwarp, make him lose his eyes. 
 
 Harrington's Ar. 
 Mullock, dirt, rubbish. 
 
 The mullock on an hepe ysweped was. — Chaucer. 
 Murth, of corn, plenty of grain. — Ainsworth. 
 
 Nesh, tender, a weak subject; used by Chaucer. 
 
 Of cheese — he says, it is too hard — he says, it is too nesh. 
 
 Choise of Change, 1585. 
 
GLOSSARY. 137 
 
 Nice, neat, comical, fastidious, &c. 
 
 Think not I shall be nice. — Milton, 
 
 Nifle, a nice bit, also trifling. 
 
 He served them with nifies and with fables. — Chaucer, 
 
 Over-bodit, a new upper part to the skirts of an old 
 garment. — Coles. 
 
 Pee, is to squint queerly. 
 
 He pees, he looks with one eye. — Ray. 
 
 Pumping, asking of questions. 
 
 The ones the learned knight seek out, 
 
 And pump them what they come about. — Hudibras. 
 
 Punch' d 9 kicked, beat, &c. 
 
 By thee was punch'd full of deadly holes. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Quandary, at a loss, in a brown study. 
 
 I leave you to judge in what a quandary Pericles was 
 brought. — Greene, 1583. 
 
 Quean, a strumpet, a female reproach. 
 
 This well they understand like cunning queans, — Dryden, 
 
 Rabblement, the crowd, or mob. 
 
 Such wondrous rabblement of rhymsters new. 
 
 Bp. Hall's Satires. 
 
 Rack, a neck of mutton, also a frame to hold fodder 
 (hay) for cattle. 
 
 A chicken, a rabbit, rib of a rack of mutton, &c. — Burton. 
 
 Raddle or Radling- sticks, a raddle-hedge is a hedge of 
 pleached or twisted sticks and boughs. — H. Tooke. 
 
 Rank, wrong, gross, coarse. 
 
 Deserves a name as rank as any flax wench. — Shakespeare. 
 
138 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Rap and rend, do all they possibly can. 
 
 All they could rap and rend and pilfer. — Hudibras. 
 Reast, or Reasty, the outside of bacon. 
 
 Much bacon is reasty, — Tusser. 
 Reek, or Reech, smoke, steam, &c. 
 
 'Tis as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. — Shakespeare, 
 Rick, a stack of corn. 
 
 In the north they make small ricks of them in the field. 
 
 Mortimer's Hush, 
 Riddle, a coarse sieve. 
 
 Horse beans and tares, sown together, are easily parted with 
 a riddle, — Ibid, 
 
 Ripe, common, prevailing, abounding. 
 
 The plague was then ripe in Hungary. — Herbert, 
 Riff-raff, lumber, low people, the refuse. 
 
 Thwick- thwack and riff-raff roars he out aloud. 
 
 Bp. Hall's Satires, 
 
 Rift, to belch or break wind. — Todd's Johnson, 
 
 Rive, to split, to divide. 
 
 His heart asunder riveth, — Chaucer, 
 Roost, a rest for poultry. 
 
 A fox spied out a cock at roost upon a tree. — U Estrange, 
 Rut, the paths of wheels. 
 
 From hills huge waters headlong fall, 
 
 Shall allwayes eat huge ruts, — Chapman, 
 
 Sark, a shirt. 
 
 Haunting beaus gang with their breasts open, and their sarks 
 over their waistcoats. — Arb, 
 Scampo, or Scamper, to run away. 
 
 A fox seized a fawn and fairly scampered away with him. 
 
 IS Estrange. 
 
 Scant, very scarce, rare. 
 
 like the ant, 
 
 In plenty hoard for time of scant, — Carew, 
 
GLOSSARY. 139 
 
 Scar, a steep, bare, and rocky place on a hill side. 
 
 And eke full oft a little scar 
 Upon a bank. — Gower, 
 
 Seely, weak, trifling, empty-headed. 
 If thou lust to holden chat 
 With seely shepheard's swain. — Spenser. 
 
 Shaftman, length of a fist with the thumb standing up. 
 
 Ray and Lye's Dictionary. 
 
 Shift, a contrivance, a device, a woman's garment. 
 
 Know ye not Ulyssese shifts? — Denham. 
 Schippen, a cowhouse* 
 
 Schepenes and dairies. — Chaucer. 
 Shoo, or Shough, a term to frighten poultry. 
 
 Shough ! shough ! up to your coop pea -hen. 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 Sib, related to, akin. 
 
 (He) was sibbe to Arthour of Bretaigne. — Cliaucer. 
 
 Sift, examine scrupulously. 
 
 We have sifted your objections. — Hooker. 
 
 Sike, a gutter or water-furrow. — Todd's Johnson. 
 
 Sleeveless-arnt, a going to no purpose. 
 One morning, timely, he took in hande, 
 To make to my house a sleeveless-errande. — Heywood, 1566. 
 
 Slotch, or Slouch, a greedy clown. 
 
 A foul, great, stooping slouch with heavy eyes. 
 
 Move's Life of the Lord. 
 Slough, a deep dirty place, skin of an adder, &c. 
 
 The ways being foul, twenty to one, 
 
 He's here stuck in a slough and overthrown. — Milton. 
 
 Sneap, to check, to reprimand. 
 
 My lord, I will not undergoe this sneap without reply. 
 
 Shakespeare, 
 Sneck, the latch or bolt of a door. — Prompt Paro. 
 
140 GLOSSARY. 
 
 Snig, an eel, to catch, to snare. 
 
 Yes, Sir, I have sniggled him. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 Suite, to blow the nose. 
 
 Nor would any one be able to snite his nose. — Grew's Cosmed. 
 
 Sops, toast, placed hot in ale or wine, or in the pan of 
 roasting meat. 
 
 Sops in wine, quantity for quantity, inebriate more than wine 
 of itself. — Bacon. 
 Sperr'd, inquired ; also, to be sperred, is to be published 
 in the Church ; used by Chaucer. 
 Whych openeth and no man spereth. 
 
 God's Promise, Old Play. 
 
 Span-new, or Bran-new, never worn, 
 
 This tale was all span-newe to begin. — Chaucer. 
 
 This is a spell against the spick-and -span-new. — B. Jonson. 
 Stannyel, a hawk. 
 
 With what wing the stannyel sets at it. — Shakespeare. 
 Starke, very stiff. 
 
 Whom when the good Sir Guyon did beholde 
 
 His hart gan waxe as starke as marble stone. — Spenser. 
 
 Stark giddy, or mad, in the highest degree. 
 He is stark mad, who ever says 
 That he hath beene in love an hour. — Donne. 
 
 Stickle, to stand stiffly to a thing. 
 
 There had been bloodshed had I not stickled. 
 
 The Ordinary, Old Play. 
 Stingy, sneaking, mean. 
 
 A stingy narrow-hearted fellow. — L'Estrange. 
 
 Stint, to set bounds to. 
 
 Our stint of woe is common. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Strike, or Stroke, two pecks, or bushel. 
 
 What dowry has she ? Some two hundred bottles (bundles 
 
 of straw) 
 And twenty strike of oats.— Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 
GLOSSARY. 141 
 
 Suds, a lather of soap, or to be taken in a scrape. 
 
 Will you forsake me now and leave me i' the suds. — Ibid, 
 Swad, a bean or pea husk. 
 
 Take pulse out of the swads. — Coigreave. 
 
 Swaith, or Srvath, a row of grass cut by a mower. 
 With tossing and raking, and setting in cox, 
 Grass lately in swaths is meat for an ox. — Tusser. 
 
 Sweat, to kindle, to blaze, to burn. 
 
 Men swaliden with greete heete. — Wicliffe, Revelations, xvi. 
 
 Swinging, great, huge, heavy, a swinging-stick for beat- 
 ing or opening wool. 
 
 The countryman seeing the lion disarmed, with a swinging 
 cudgel broke off the match. — L' Estrange. 
 
 Swither, to burn fiercely, or move hastily. 
 
 They sighen Marye, that sche roos swithe (hastily), and went 
 out. — Wicliffe, St. John, xi. 31. 
 
 Swop, to exchange one thing for another. 
 
 I would have swopped youth for old age. — Dry den. 
 
 Talented' s father, the author of Telleamed or the Indian 
 
 Philosopher. 
 Teathy, or teachy, cross, like a peevish child. 
 Tetchy and wayward was thy infancy. 
 
 Shakespeare's Richard III. 
 Teawse, or towse, to pull, to tear, to haul. 
 What sheepe that is full of wooll 
 Upon his back they tose and pull. — Gower. 
 
 Teem, to pour, a Scottish word; Johnson observes, a 
 low word which Swift uses. 
 
 Teem out the remainder of the ale into the tankard. — Swift. 
 
 Teen, or teeny, fretful ; also, very little. 
 Religion's reverence doth burial teene, 
 Which whoso wants, wants so much of his rest.— Spenser. 
 
142 GLOSSARY. 
 
 TKarcahe, hearth-cake, from being baked on the hearth. 
 Twitter, to fret, to laugh secretly ; within a twitter, is 
 within a little. 
 
 And cut whole giants into fritters, 
 
 To put them into amorous twitters, — Hudibras, 
 
 Tyny, very little. 
 
 He that has a little tyny wit, 
 
 Must make content with his fortunes fit.— Shakespeare, 
 
 Uncoth, or unkert, strange. 
 
 All cleane dismay'd to see so uncoth sight. — Spenser. 
 
 Uphold, to maintain, to warrant a thing. 
 While life upholds this arm, 
 This arm upholds the House of Lancaster. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Urchin, or urchen, a hedge-hog. 
 
 Urchins shall, for that vast of night that they may work, 
 All exercise on thee. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Waddle, or waggle, to shake in walking, to go like 
 ducks. 
 
 She could have run and waddled all about. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Waker, easy to be awakened. 
 
 Late watchers are no early lookers. — Ben Jonson. 
 
 Wag, to move to and fro ; also, an arch person. 
 
 All that hiss and wag their heads at thee. — Samuel, xi. 15. 
 Was not my lord the verier wag o'th' two ? — Shakespeare. 
 
 Wamble, the stomach ; to roll with nausea or sickness. 
 When your cold sallads, without salt or vinegar, 
 Be wambling in your stomachs. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 
 War and war, worse and worse. 
 
 They sayne the world is much war than it wont. — Spenser. 
 
 Wattles, the lowest part of a cock's comb. 
 
 The cock's comb and whattels are an ornament becoming his 
 martial spirit. — More. 
 
GLOSSARY. 143 
 
 Wax, to grow, to become bigger. 
 
 They wax and wane 
 
 'Twixt thrift and penury. — Carew. 
 
 Welkin, the sky. 
 
 Ne in all the welkin was no cloud. — Chaucer. 
 Wheeze, to make a noise in breathing. 
 
 The contraction of the trachaea straitens the passage of 
 the air, and produces the wheezing in the asthma. — Floyer. 
 
 Wherrit, a box on the ear ; also, did laugh. 
 
 How meekly 
 
 This other fellow here receives his werrit. 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher. 
 Whinnit, horse neighing. 
 
 The horse while he is winneying. — More's Im. of Soul, xi. 13. 
 Whirl-boan, the round bone of the knee, the Patella. 
 
 Ainsrvorth. 
 Whish-telt, (tailed) light of carriage, a courtezan. 
 He whisk'd his party-coloured wings 
 And down to earth he comes. — Raleigh. 
 Whiz, to hiss as a flying bullet. 
 
 Turn him about, 
 
 I know him, I know him ; he'll but whiz and then go out. 
 
 Dry den. 
 Whoo-up, shouting when all's over; word spoke to a 
 horse to stop ! which they soon learn to obey in those 
 counties. 
 
 With that the shepherd whoop' d for joy. — Mayhoh. 
 
 Whoo-whoo, an interjection of great surprize. 
 
 Howl ye, wo worth the day. — Ezekiel, xxx. 2. 
 Wishet, a basket. — Ainsrvorth. 
 
 Woode, or vjode, almost mad with anger. 
 
 Calm the tempest of his passion woode. — Spenser. 
 Wort, a word; also, new ale in fermentation. 
 
 If in the wort of beer. — Bacon. 
 
144? GLOSSARY. 
 
 Wry not, a surname, a cant term. 
 
 He shad (shaded) wrynot, and wrynot shad the devil. 
 
 Yean, you will, a sheep is said to yean when she brings 
 forth. 
 
 I love thee better than the careful ewe the new-yean'd lamb. 
 
 Fletcher's Faith, Shep, 
 Yawl, or Yelp, like a dog when hurt. 
 
 To yaulpe and bark like a dog or a fox. — Barret Alv. 1580. 
 
 Yule-tide or Yulegams, Christmas time, or Lammas. 
 Masks, singing, dancing, yule-gdmes. —Burton's Anat. 
 
THE 
 
 BATTLE 
 
 OF THE 
 
 FLYING DRAGON 
 
 AND THE 
 
 MAN OF HEATON. 
 
 Speetatum admissi visum teneatis 1 — Hor. Ars Poet. Yer. 5. 
 
TO THE READER. 
 
 I have very little to say to thee, O my 
 Friend ! only, I hope by the following short 
 Poem thou wilt see that I wish Englishmen 
 would be content to be Englishmen, both in 
 dress and politics. 
 
 Farewell! 
 
 l2 
 
THE ARGUMENT. 
 
 
 A Lancashire beau being at London, fell in love with the 
 large pig-tails and ear-locks, and consequently brought the 
 French toys with him to Lancaster : business calling him to 
 Sunderland, on that coast, and the day being uncommonly 
 boisterous, he mounts his courser, dressed in the pig-tail, ear- 
 locks, &c. a-la-mode Francois. The toy rolled on his shoulders, 
 till the blasts blew away both that and the ear-locks, they being 
 fastened to the tail with black ribbons. 
 
 A countryman coming that way, and seeing them blowing 
 about in the lane, takes the French medley for a flying-dragon, 
 and, after mature deliberation, resolved to kill it. This pro- 
 duced three battles ; at the latter end of which (the wind ceas- 
 ing, and the pig-tail lying still) he thought he had manfully 
 performed. Elated with the exploit, he twists his stick in the 
 ear-locks, and carries all before him aloft in the air, as boys 
 commonly do adders; till meeting the Rector of Heysham, 
 he was, with much ado, convinced ; and then in great con- 
 fusion sneaked away, leaving his reverence in possession of 
 the monster, who still keeps it at Heysham, and often shows it 
 with much diversion to his friends. 
 
THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 MAN OF HEATON. 
 
 PART I, 
 
 What man alive, tho' e'er so wise, 
 
 With spaniel's nose and eagle's eyes, 
 
 Can tell this hour what th' next will fling us, 
 
 Or whether joy or sorrow bring us. 
 
 That no dispute there needs of this, 
 
 The man of Heaton witness is ; 
 
 A man he was and very stout, 
 
 But whether quite so wise, some doubt ; 
 
 And as my muse dare not decide, 
 
 The foll'wing facts must be our guide ; 
 
 So leaving him in doubtful mood, 
 
 Let's hint at one more understood. 
 
 Our other hero, for we've two, 
 Hight Mijnheer Skyppo Vanderloo, 
 Was late arriv'd from that fam'd city, 
 Half French, half English — ah, what pity! 
 
150 THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 Where courtiers, pensioners, and placemen, 
 By frequent ins and outs disgrace men: 
 Where doughty squires to knights are vamp'd ; 
 Where half-thick lords to earls are stamp'd ; 
 Where all the arts of jockeyship, 
 Are us'd as at the turf and whip ; 
 Where one throws out his dearest brother, 
 And statesmen jostle one another; 
 Who lay their meagrim brains together 
 To make our feet find their own leather; 
 Our eyes must see, sans sun or candle, 
 And in the day mope — dingle dangle ; 
 Where bribery's the chiefest trade, 
 And laws against our interest made ; 
 Where Britain's fate is — hum — decided, 
 
 And all 'mongst w s and r s divided. 
 
 But stay — should I their actions paint, 
 Our heads would ach, our hearts wou'd faint; 
 So leaving them, and their grand squabble, 
 My muse of better things shall babble. 
 
 This man I say was just come down, 
 From that French pig-tail foppish town, 
 As gay as daw, in borrowed plumes, 
 And all the airs of fop assumes. 
 
 His ramille, secundum artem, 
 Was toss'd up — bless me, — ah — ad ! 
 
AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 151 
 
 His earlocks too! — near eyebrows plac'd, 
 His countenance genteelly grac'd; 
 
 A pig-tail dangling to his . 
 
 (O truth, 'tis thou that shames my verse!) 
 Being tagg'd with curious shining hair, 
 In various colours did appear; 
 With powder dusted, smooth'd by tonsure, 
 He look'd as grand as monkey monsure ! 
 His nag high-mettl'd shin'd like raven, 
 Both sire and dam, of blood in craven : 
 He mounted — hem'd — fill'd cheeks with wind ; 
 Spurr'd nag — (who answered from behind) — 
 Away he flew — now boisterous Boreas, 
 Vext to see man so vainly glorious, 
 Resolv'd this champion's pride to humble, 
 And make his furious courser stumble ; 
 But finding soon this scheme to fail, 
 He aimed his force at the pig-tail, 
 And whisk'd it round both back and shoulder, 
 Still he rode on — and still look'd bolder! 
 Boreas chagrin'd and gall'd with pain, 
 At ear-locks blew with might and main, 
 Not dreaming of their being ally'd, 
 And to the tail so closely ty'd. 
 All Skyppo's head attire so gay, 
 The blast had nearly blown away, 
 
152 THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 When fortune raising ruffl'd hand, 
 Kept wig and beaver on their stand ; 
 But pig-tail, with the ear-locks new, 
 Away with Boreas waving flew. 
 
 Our hero spruce ne'er miss'd the toy, 
 But rode for Sunderland with joy; 
 Thinking to show the fashion new, 
 Which sight would make one laugh — or 
 
 PART II. 
 
 But who comes next! — the man of Heaton, 
 
 Whose very name old time hath eaten. 
 
 For authors in this point do vary, 
 
 Some call him Roaf, some Will, some Harry; 
 
 But I incline, for private reason, 
 
 To call him Oamfrey, at this season; 
 
 And sometimes Noamp, perhaps may fit, 
 
 As suits my rhime, or helps my wit. 
 
 But on he comes ; and fame rehearses 
 
 His nose two feet before his is ; 
 
 A trusty knob-stick fill'd his hand, 
 
 And thought no power could him withstand. 
 
 When lo ! his lifted eyes assail 
 
 A long black thing, with wings and tail ; 
 
AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 153 
 
 The wings quick moving with the wind, 
 The tail in curls, turn'd up behind. 
 
 So Oamfrey stops his sauntering course, 
 And unto musing had recourse ; 
 Then stamp'd his knob-stick on the ground, 
 And crying in amaze profound : 
 " I'th neme o'mercy, say — whot' art; 
 That two black tungs fro meawth con dart? 
 Whooas twisted body's like the hurn 
 O' that fem'd beeost the unicorn ! 
 I say, whot art? Ith' neme o — — ! 
 My stick shall — howd — I've heard a rod 
 Of willow will demolish soon 
 The direst snake below the moon." 
 
 With that, stout Noamp his thwittle drew, 
 And on the edge three times he blew; 
 Then from the hedge he in a crack 
 Brings a tough willow with him back ; 
 But whilst the leaves he from it strips, 
 Across the lane the Dragon skips ! 
 Quoth he — " I see theaw'rt marching off, 
 Boh howd o bit; this willow tough 
 Shall, if strength fail not, stop thy flight." 
 So strikes the pig-tail with his might, 
 And cries out, " Boh!" then quick returns, 
 Then gives a stroke — then backward runs. 
 
154 THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 The monstrous animal up flew, 
 And Oamfrey starting, quick withdrew: 
 His eyes oth' stare, his face grew pale, 
 With open mouth he view'd the tail, 
 Which briskly wanton'd in the wind ; 
 Then swore, "It's of the Dragon kind!" 
 
 On deep reflection he grew tardy, 
 And thought it sin to be fool-hardy. 
 " If I con seve meh-sell," quoth he, 
 " Whot's flying Dragons unto me? 
 There con no wisdom be, I trow, 
 In feighting things we dunnaw know ; 
 For should it chonce fly e meh fece, 
 I'm deeo'd os tripe — witheawt God's grece." 
 So Oamfrey he the wand threw down, 
 Took up his stick, and march'd for town. 
 
 PART III. 
 
 Two roods he had not gone, before 
 A blast of wind the monster bore 
 Within two yards of Oamfrey s stick, 
 Which vex'd our hero to the quick. 
 Quoth Noamp, " Be this I plenely see 
 It mun be oather thee or me : 
 
AND THE MAN OF HEATON, 155 
 
 And sin 'tis so, I'll never run, 
 Boh kill or dee before eh done." 
 
 Then, in a passion, from his hand 
 He threw his stick, and fetch'd the wand ; 
 And poor pig-tail with courage fresh, 
 And all his might began to thresh ; 
 But still the Dragon kept the field, 
 Cock'd up his tail, and scorn'd to yield. 
 
 This furious combat, by report, 
 Did last till Oamfreys stick grew short, 
 And a cessation, as fame reckons, 
 Continued till he got fresh weapons. 
 But Oamfrey, having luck to find 
 A weapon to his murdering mind, 
 Says softly thus unto himself: 
 " Theaw feights for honour, not for pelf; 
 And if theaw gets this direfoo beawt, 
 Thy feme will bleze, on ne'er gooa out." 
 
 Then hemming twice— spits on his hand, 
 And snatches up the magic wand, 
 Resolved to do a feat to brag on, 
 So strikes with all his might the Dragon : 
 And thus the battle was renew'd, 
 And both sides to their tackle stood. 
 
 Again fierce Oamfreys stick did dwindle 
 Into the length of common spindle : 
 
156 THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 But thinking now the battle gain'd, 
 Because he with no blood was stain'd, 
 Resolved to fetch another switch, 
 To kill outright this Dragon-witch. 
 
 Now while this third great duel lasted, 
 Fierce Oamfreys strength was almost wasted. 
 The Dragon, too, now wanting breath, 
 Had symptoms of approaching death ; 
 And ev'ry member seem'd to fail, 
 He hardly stirring wing or tail, 
 For Boreas likewise, tired at length, 
 Had quite exhausted all his strength, 
 And all was hush : so fortune gave 
 The field and battle to the brave ! 
 And pig-tail lies as still as stone, 
 As tho' to live it ne'er had known. 
 And thus the Dragon here was slain, 
 Whilst Oamfrey lives to fight again. 
 
AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 157 
 
 PART IV. 
 
 Our hero's courage none can doubt ; 
 Nor love of fame was he without ; 
 For when this glorious feat was done, 
 And such a vict'ry fairly won, 
 Ambitious Oamfrey in a crack, 
 Put kersey coat on sweating back ; 
 And then with cautious stare he view'd 
 The Dragon, which he'd hack'd and hew'd ; 
 But still it proved above his ken, 
 As it might do to wiser men. 
 
 Here Oamfrey musters all his senses, 
 And pride threw down all meek pretences ; 
 So he resolved he'd boldly bear 
 In triumph, all the spoils of war. 
 With this intent, his ample foot 
 Held down the pig-tail, whilst he put 
 His stick within the frizzled hair, 
 And thus before him did it bear. 
 
 Ten furlongs he'd triumphing past, 
 But met no mortal man or beast : 
 When, lo ! he met, with heart full gleesome, 
 The reverend rector, styled of Heysham. 
 The parson stared, whilst Oamfrey held 
 The Dragon, which he'd lately kill'd ; 
 
158 THE FLYING DRAGON 
 
 And after clearing up his weasand, 
 He query 'd thus, to know the reason : 
 
 " Why Odmfrey, man ! what have you got 
 Upon your stick ?" " That I know not." 
 " Where did you find the tawdry thing?" 
 " Tawdry!" quoth Noamp, " why't has a sting!" 
 u A sting, man ! — nay, no more than you." 
 " Byth' mass ! good parson, that's nay true : 
 Look at its tungs ; its sting's ith tele, 
 Or else I'm sure my senses fail !" 
 " True," quoth his rev'rence, " that may be, 
 And in that point we both agree ; 
 But if my eyes, like thine, don't fail, 
 It is, tho' large, a French pig-tail." 
 " A pigtele, pars'n! that's good fun! 
 No moor thin bacco-pipe's a gun. 
 Why 'twas alive ten minutes since, 
 An that I'll swear be king or prince ! 
 Nay, more thin that, it flew abeawt, 
 An that no swine-tele, or his sneawt, 
 Could ever do sin Noah's flood, 
 An this I will maintene for good." 
 
 The rector laugh'd, and Noamp look'd sour, 
 For to convince he wanted pow'r ; 
 Nor could Noamp to his thoughts give vent, 
 As anger cork'd up argument. 
 
AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 159 
 
 His rev'rence then began again 
 To reason, thus : " Why, look ye, man, 
 This is black silk, and this is hair ; 
 Feel, and believe — you need not stare !" 
 " Not stare ? Why, pars'n, did naw you 
 Affirm just neaw o thing naw true, — 
 Did naw yo sey it wur a pig-tele ? 
 Which 'tis no moor thin 'tis a snig-tele." 
 " Why, man ! but so they call the thing ; 
 You see't has neither head nor sting ; 
 These ribbands are to tie it on, 
 As you shall see I'll do anon." 
 
 His rev'rence then his wig took off, 
 And Noamp began to hem and cough ; 
 His doubts he found to disappear, 
 And that he'd got wrong sow by th' ear : 
 For as the parson was adjusting, 
 Things grew the more and more disgusting. 
 But when he put o'er all his wig — 
 " The d— 1 ta' yer tele o' pig ! 
 What sense is there e tele so black 
 That's teed toth' heeod, an rows o'th back ? 
 If they'd ha things weh netur jump, 
 The tele should awlus ston o'th rump ; 
 That fok moot know oytch foolish brat 
 For munkey greyt, or meawntin cat ; 
 
160 THE FLYING DRAGON. 
 
 Boh gawbies neaw gin kers'n nemes, 
 To things naw hardly fit for flames/' 
 So Oamfrey grumbling, budged away, 
 But neither bade good night or day. 
 
 The rector laugh'd, and laugh'd again, 
 At Oamfrey s notions thro' the scene ; 
 And took the pig-tail with him home, 
 For sport to friends in time to come ; 
 And keeps it to this very day 
 At Heysham, as my authors say. 
 
THE 
 
 BLAC K-BIR D. 
 
 A POEM. 
 
 M 
 
THE 
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 TO 
 
 THE MOST HIGH AND MIGHTY 
 
 STERN-VISAG'D PLUTO, 
 
 PRINCE OF STYGIAN DARKNESS, CHIEF ENGINEER OF NOCTURNAL 
 
 THUNDER, AND GENERALISSIMO OF ALL THE DEPARTED 
 
 GHOSTS IN THE INFERNAL REGIONS, &C. &C. 
 
 Sulphurous and dread Prince! 
 
 I am very sensible 'tis the highest presump- 
 tion in me imaginable to address the following 
 Poem to your grisly majesty: but I humbly con- 
 ceive I have not done it without strong induce- 
 ments; for where could the Whistling Ousel have 
 found an asylum, to screen her from the British 
 Minos (her austere and implacable enemy) but in 
 your swarthy dominions? Though at the same 
 time she flies to you for protection, she's possessed 
 with an ominous fear, that when her adversary 
 makes his exit out of these terrestrial regions, 
 
 m 2 
 
164 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 you'll immediately degrade sEacus, advance him 
 to the Bench, and assign to his profound and 
 equitable care all the European provinces ; or at 
 least constitute him itinerant judge in your shady 
 jurisdictions. 
 
 But to leave this to your profounded wisdom, 
 I must presume to tell you, most awful monarch, 
 that 'tis my humble opinion, that every carping 
 Momus, and snarling critic, will acquiesce with 
 me in my second motive for electing you my ad- 
 vocate, since 'tis the d — 1 of a Poem, on a black 
 subject, written by a Collier, in an obscure style, 
 and therefore none so proper for its patron para- 
 mount, as your gloomy majesty. 
 
 Another reason is, because I don't remember 
 that any of the ancient or modern higlers in rhime 
 ever dedicated any of their productions to your 
 dusky godship: though they have not failed to 
 celebrate your tremendous name, extol your su- 
 preme power, and (if I may so speak) have given 
 us the cosmography of your ample dominions. 
 
 While you are thus slighted, there are not 
 wanting those who are busy making puny gods 
 and goddesses of mere terrestrial lump; and the 
 press has given us a modern proof of a thresher, 
 who has thrown down his unwieldy flail, and taken 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 165 
 
 up the pliant nimble pen, to make one, who has 
 lately passed through your sooty territories, as 
 powerful, and more indulgent to us, than the god- 
 dess Cybele was to the ancients. 
 
 Since the clumsy flail has presumed to address 
 a terrene queen, accept, great Prince of Dark- 
 ness, of the first fruits of the swift-paced shuttle ; 
 which was a scion that blossomed, and whose fruit 
 came to maturity this keen benumbing storm, 
 when looms were more terrible to cringing, thin- 
 bellied weavers, than ever the pillory was to those 
 obsequious and loyal subjects of yours, Pryn and 
 Bastick. 
 
 And now, methinks, I have almost beaten that 
 modish and much-frequented path of dedication 
 enough ; though I neither have nor can con- 
 descend to that nauseous and servile flattery which 
 is so redundant in addresses of this kind ; and I 
 hope you'll not reject the patronage. If I could 
 have found a more powerful protector than your 
 great self, you had never heard of the Whistling- 
 Ouzel: neither would I have you think that I 
 have played the timid Indian, and offered the 
 Black-bird to your Ghastliness as a propitiation 
 for some enormous crime committed against your 
 Majesty; no, 'twas not this, but your ability to 
 
166 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 defend, that prompted me, and entirely banished 
 that modesty which otherwise would never have 
 permitted me to have sent the Black-bird, on her 
 well-balanced sable pinions, to your Sootiness for 
 protection — the which I hope you will grant her ; 
 and that you will permit her to flutter at your feet, 
 and perch and nestle about your awful throne : if 
 your dreadful Majesty will do this, Sir Minos 
 may do that which he would not suffer her to do, 
 i. e. go whistle. I am, 
 
 Tremendous Sir ! 
 
 Now and ever will be, 
 
 Timothy Bobbin. 
 
 From the Chimney-corner, 
 Jan. 15, 1739. 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 THE INVOCATION. 
 
 Tliou who with ale or vile liquors. 
 Didst inspire Withers, Pryn, and Vicars 
 And force them, tho ? it was in spite 
 Of nature and their stars, to write; 
 Assist me but this once, I implore, 
 And I shall trouble thee no more. — Hud. 
 
 When bright Apollo's flaming car had run 
 
 The southern course, and in our climes begun 
 
 To perfect blossoms, and the budding flow'rs 
 
 To paint the fields and form the shady bow'rs, 
 
 The distant prospects all around were seen 
 
 To wear a curious eye-delighting green ; 
 
 And school-boys stood, while Sloth put on the reins, 
 
 And with cramm'd satchels saunt'red in the lanes : 
 
 The younger sort would stroll about to get 
 
 The daisy, primrose, and the violet; 
 
 While Tom and Will, with eager eyes would view 
 
 Each bush and tree, from whence a linnet flew; 
 
 And every hedge did pry into, to find 
 
 The downy structure of the feather'd kind. 
 
168 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 Such were the days when Minos would be drest 
 To look more awful on a day of rest ; 
 His sapient head he deck'd in perriwig 
 Of three-tails dangling, to look quorum big; 
 His beaver cock'd, plain-dealing-wise he pull'd 
 So low, his forehead in it seem'd involv'd; 
 But this was done his visage more to grace, 
 And coup'd a third part from his pouting face : 
 Being cloak'd and booted, they who knew him not 
 Thought Hudibras o'er gloomy Styx had got: 
 And as that knight, so he'd a 'squire to wait, 
 Whene'er he sally'd forth thro' creaking gate. 
 This for his outward-man ; but I must strain 
 For to dissect his wonder-working brain ; 
 Unless I can get Cibhers fawning muse, 
 To bathe my skull in crowning laurel-juice! 
 But since I've ventur'd the outside to scan, 
 111 slightly touch upon his inward man. 
 (But know, my angry muse reflects not on 
 This tinkling cymbal for its jarring tone; 
 But for affecting those celestial airs, 
 By which the organ charms the list'ning ears.) 
 
 If speech be the true index of the mind, 
 And doth denote with what the head is lin'd, 
 We may conclude, that since his speech is clipp'd, 
 His moving garret is but half equipp'd ; 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 169 
 
 But lest a pun won't please the woiid-be-wise, 
 His wit wants ballast, and his judgment eyes; 
 For nature made him without care or art, 
 And left unfinish'd much the better part : 
 Or else in forming, tir'd with too much pain, 
 She nodded o'er him, and so spoil'd his brain. 
 
 If any wonder why as judge he's plac'd, 
 Or how the bench comes with his worship grac'd, 
 That thought's submerged in this, to think that we 
 Are sway'd by fools, much greater knaves than he. 
 We grant, he seems a genuine chip of those 
 Convention-wits, who lead us by the nose; 
 "Tis true, we go like Bruin to the stake, 
 Who knows his task, and fain his bonds would break, 
 But forced on, he shakes his shaggy fur, 
 And looks with fury on each bridl'd cur ; 
 Craftsman* the bearward, doth promulgate law, 
 And threatens wounds from deep Panonian jaw; 
 Asserting ne'er a collar'd-whelp doth play 
 The game that's fair, but runs a thievish way; 
 And thinks with justice, in this dire contest, 
 Each cur should run with fawning tail the first ; 
 Or, if you please, smooth-chins should rule the roast, 
 And hairy-ruffi'ns kick'd from ev'ry post. 
 
 * Vide Gent. Mag. for Jan. 1740, page 20. 
 
170 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 Which scheme, before all others I prefer, 
 
 If my old grannum may be Treasurer, 
 
 For I'm her only fav'rite, and must taste with her. 
 
 But, lest some critic thinks my OuzeVs flown, 
 And from a Black-bird, 'tis a Bear-bait grown, 
 I'll to his worship once again repair, 
 That's going now to snuff the country air. 
 
 After a turn or two, within the room, 
 A hem breaks forth — and then he calls his groom 
 Here Jack! where' s Jack? I'm here, his man re- 
 plies ; 
 Bring out my horse: and straitway John complies. 
 He being gone, the knight must see the glass, 
 To fix some upright airs in oblong face : 
 His hand adorn'd with ruffl'd shirt, he drew 
 Unto his head, and set his wig askew; 
 Then gently strok'd his manly beard, and then 
 Adjusted three-tail'd peruke once again. 
 The bob before he'd often toss behind, 
 As pleas'd his curious self-admiring mind ; 
 He lower'd his eye-brows, made a furrow'd brow, 
 Pull'd in his chin, more majesty to show: 
 Pleas'd with the sight, he set aside the man, 
 Bow'd low, and this soliloquy began : 
 " I'll say't, thou'rt graceful; — very graceful — and 
 Thy very look will reverence command ! 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 171 
 
 Thy dress is handsome, — very genteel: — still 
 Not the least foppish, if I've any skill: 
 Besides, 'tis known this head can penetrate 
 Into dark things, and solve each hard debate; 
 Or, as the proverb says, can see as far 
 Into a millstone" — here the gate did jar; 
 For John had done according to command. 
 And waiting stood with nag, and cap in hand. 
 The steed was sleek, and bore a lofty crest, 
 And worth a troop of Hudibras's beast; 
 Nor ever was Don Quixotte's dapple fit, 
 For speed, and beauty, to be nam'd with it; 
 So this, you'll say, was fit to bear a pack 
 Of precious ware, as they, upon his back. 
 And all agree his worship's teeming full 
 Of just such wit, as they bore in the skull. 
 This bonny nag, Sir Minos did bestride, 
 And thro' the town with solemn pace did ride ; 
 About ten furlongs they had pass'd, before 
 The knight and 'squire, of silence broke the door. 
 And then it was the justice came t'himself, 
 From contemplating on his wit and pelf: 
 With lisping accent, and emphatic voice 
 (While pate, and bum, on thigh kept equal poise,) 
 He put these queries to his cunning 'squire, 
 And then sly John to knight rode something nigher. 
 
172 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 " Jack, thou must tell me true what now I ask, 
 
 Since 'tis no wicked or ungodly task." 
 
 " Sir, there's no doubt," says John. " Then tell 
 
 me, pray,— 
 What says the world that now I bear such sway ?" 
 " Why, sir, they speak exceeding well of you, 
 As wise and good — to king and country true." 
 " Thou answer'st well; and glad I am to know, 
 The world such thoughts so justly do bestow." 
 Here Jack, with wry mouth, turns his eyes askew, 
 As he came on. " But hark thee, Jack — tell true — 
 When I appear, don't wicked rascals quake ?" 
 " Yes, that they do — and like an aspin shake." 
 " What do they think, when I'm upon the bench?" 
 " You knock down sin, and burning lust do quench." 
 " Whose judgment is't a knotty matter clears?" 
 " Sir, yours alone sinks twice as deep as theirs." 
 Jack bites his lip ; that while the knight goes on, — 
 " Thy words are good ; I'll mend thy wages, John." 
 " I thank you, sir, — I'm much obliged to you." 
 Now th' Ouzel whistles, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 
 
 whee'u ; 
 And so went on, like a shrill flute, to play 
 That gleesome tune, the Twenty-ninth of May. 
 " Hold, Jack! stand still; I hear a whistling noise 
 Within that house ; 'tis sure some atheist's voice ! 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 173 
 
 Tho' Catholics, I've heard my father say, 
 
 Would whistle, dance, and sing o'th' Sabbath-day. 
 
 But who can this be ?" Says John, " I cannot tell ; 
 
 But, man or maid, it whistles very well." 
 
 " Some Papist, Jack !" " In that I 'gree to you." 
 
 Then comes the prelude, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 
 
 wheeu. 
 Both list'ned, while the tune was whistling o'er : 
 The knight, more vex'd than e'er he was before, 
 Turn'd short his horse, and in a furious mood, 
 Said, " I'll commit him, — he's the serpent's brood: 
 He sees me stand, and yet he whistles on 
 This Sabbath-day: — was such a thing e'er known? 
 'Tis Papist-like to whistle against me, 
 Or, what's the same, against his Majesty ! 
 No doubt he knows I represent the King, 
 And that we both are but the self-same thing." 
 <c Sir," says the 'squire, " this thing I know't be 
 
 true." 
 Now comes the flourish, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 
 
 whee'u, 
 And so proceeds with the old tune again. 
 The knight cries out, " O monstrous and profane ! 
 Was ever antichristian impudence 
 So base, to give both God and man offence ! 
 
174 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 'Tis most seditious ! Jack, light off thy horse, 
 And bring the rascal, else use all thy force ; 
 For I this moment will commit him safe, 
 Where he'll not whistle, dance, or sing, or laugh." 
 Scarce sooner spoke than John was in, but made 
 Such queer demands, they knew not what he said. 
 But he repeats, " The whistling man must go 
 Before a justice, for he'd have it so." 
 The man replies, " The whistler's good and true, 
 And serves me well ; but what's all this to you ? 
 He takes no bribes, he asks for nought but meat, 
 Fawns on no king, nor doth his country cheat : 
 He's not encumber'd with perplexing cares, 
 Nor meddles with mysterious state-affairs ; 
 He'll whistle on, altho' a justice stand 
 Within the room, and slight his stern command." 
 
 Jack hearing this, began to smell a rat ; 
 Howe'er he goes and tells the justice flat, 
 The whistler would not come ; he fear'd no law, 
 Or king or justice valued not a straw. 
 But when the knight heard this, he raved and tore, 
 And several times thus by Astrea swore : 
 " I'll make him like a beacon on a hill, 
 An everlasting monument of ill ; 
 A sad example of seditious tools, 
 Of pagan knaves, and antichristian fools." 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 175 
 
 And with these words he nimbly quits his horse, 
 Raging with passion,— never fury worse ! 
 And in he flies, with " Where's this profane wretch 
 That slights the law, whom I myself must fetch ? 
 Where is this whistling Turk — this stinking he- Jew?" 
 And now the bird sings, wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 
 
 whee'u ; 
 And then the Twenty-ninth of May begun. 
 " What !" quoth the knight, " was such a thing e'er 
 
 known !" 
 And, puppet-like, he whisks himself about, 
 To see if he could find the whistler out. 
 
 The tune went bravely on, whilst he, amazed, 
 Sought ev'ry corner, and about him gazed ; 
 But still this whistler was not to be seen, 
 Which filled the justice with tempestuous spleen : 
 He stamped with foot, and lift his eyes above, 
 As tho' he called on thunder-ruling Jove, 
 And then burst out in this emphatic strain : 
 " Ungodly! wicked! heath'nish and profane! 
 To break the sabbath ! whistle against heav'n, 
 The king, and me ! 'twill never be forgiven ! 
 A disaffected tune too!— shameless man, 
 Notorious rogue! — he's of the Jesuits' clan!" 
 And then once more tow'rds heav'n his eyes he sent, 
 And saw the Black-bird in a wire-cage pent, 
 
176 THE BLACK-BIRD. 
 
 Most sweetly whistling the concluding strain ; 
 Which stunn'd the knight, as tho' with lightning 
 
 slain. 
 He motionless as old Lot's wife did stand, 
 And still stretch'd out his sense-directing hand ; 
 But at the last he wheels himself about, 
 His mouth he open'd, and his thoughts flew out. 
 
 " Is this the whistler? Nay, I scarce believe 
 But both my eyes and ears do me deceive ! 
 I'll say't, 'tis strange, surpassing strange ! a bird 
 To whistle tunes ! — the like was never heard ! 
 I thought it was not possible for art 
 To teach birds music — nor th' easiest part ! 
 Sure this is some Italian ouzel, brought 
 O'er seas, and was by wicked Jesuits taught ! 
 Why poz, # I ne'er was so deceived in all 
 My life before, — and with a thing so small ! 
 I'll say't, I took it for some Jacobite 
 That whistled thus, — but who is always right? 
 A Solomon may play some foolish tricks, 
 And British CATof err in politics." 
 Then beck'ning finger, makes the man draw near, 
 And in soft tone, thus whispers in his ear : 
 
 * A favourite word of the knight's for positively. 
 f Walpole. 
 
THE BLACK-BIRD. 177 
 
 " Here, honest man, I'll give thee half-a-crown, 
 To promise me this thing must not be known ; 
 For should the wicked ever hear this thing, 
 'Twould shame both me and our most gracious 
 
 king." 
 The fellow took the piece, and made a bow ; 
 But, wiseman-like, in promising was slow. 
 And knight perceiving that the bird was put 
 In close confinement, and in limbo shut, 
 Old Oliverian and fanatic zeal 
 Grew cold, and did to crusted ice congeal ; 
 And calm as midnight took his leave, — but said, 
 " Be sure this thing be never public made." 
 
 Thus Minos left the Black-bird closely pent, 
 And, mounting steed, on new adventures went. 
 
LANCASHIRE HOB 
 
 AND 
 
 THE QUACK DOCTOR. 
 
 A TALE. 1762. 
 
-^••'iCnuluW^- 1 "'^ 
 
 " 
 
( 181 ) 
 
 LANCASHIRE HOB 
 
 AND 
 
 THE QUACK DOCTOR. 
 
 A TALE. 1762. 
 
 A thrifty carl was tired of lonely cot. 
 
 Because the tooth-ache he so often got. 
 
 Six teeth were all he had to chew his food ; 
 
 All gave him pain, but none could do him good. 
 
 Hob hearing Rochdale town did then contain 
 
 A famous quack, that drew teeth without pain : 
 
 To him he flies, and in a voice as loud 
 
 As Stentors, thus bespoke him thro' the crowd, 
 
 " Ho — onist mon, whot munneh gi ye to drea 
 
 A tush ot pleagues me awmust neet on dea ?" 
 
 u Sixpence," the quack replies. — Hob spoke again, 
 
 " On conneh dot me, thhikneh, beawt mitch pein?" 
 
 " Ho, weel enough." — Quoth Hob, " Suppose I two, 
 
 Yoan do for neenpunceV" " That I will not do." 
 
182 LANCASHIRE HOB AND 
 
 " Heaw monny then for twelvepunce winnehpoo?" 
 " All that thou hast."— Quoth Hob, " They re just 
 enoo" 
 
 The doctor took this for a country joke, 
 'Till he saw Hob hard pressing thro 5 the folk, 
 And mount the stage. — Quack now some mirth in- 
 tends, 
 And silly for a pair of pincers sends ; 
 Thinking he'd met one of those puny fools 
 Would run away from such inhuman tools. 
 Hob takes the pincers : " Vara weel" said he, 
 " If they n fit yo, Tm shure they win fit me" 
 
 Hob now aloft is seated in a chair, 
 With open mouth, in which the quack did stare ; 
 Who laughing said, " You have but six, I find, 
 And they're so loose, they'll wag with ev'ry wind." 
 " Better for yo, yo known; do yo yer job" 
 " Yes, yes, and quickly too, my honest Hob: 
 Hold up your head — Oh! — here is one you see ; 
 Come, hold again ; here's two— would you have 
 
 three ?" 
 " / think ot mon's afoo; we bargint plene, 
 Poo theese aw eaivt, or set thoose in ogen" 
 " If that be th' case, hold up again, my friend, 
 Come, open wide, and soon the work we'll end." 
 
THE QUACK DOCTOR. ibo 
 
 Hob now extends his spacious jaws so wide, 
 There's room for pincers, and good light beside. 
 Cries quack, " Here's three, — here's four:" — Hob 
 
 bawls out, " Oh!" 
 " Hold, hold," says quack, " there's something more 
 
 to do: 
 Come, gape again; — here's five, — here's six, — and 
 
 th' last, 
 And now I'm sure thy tooth-ache pains are past." 
 " That's reel" quoth Hob, " gi me meh teeth, on 
 
 then 
 Til pey os freely os som roycher men" 
 The quack complies, and Hob his twelve-pence paid; 
 Then, in dismounting, to the mob thus said, 
 " They're arronfoos ot sixpence pern for one, 
 While for o shilling I ha six jobs done. 
 Bat still they re bigger foos that live e pein, 
 When good seawnd teeth may choance to come 
 
 ogen" 
 The doctor stares — and hastily replies, 
 " They come again! not till the dead shall rise. 
 One single tooth no more thy jaws shall boast, 
 I hold a crown thou ev'ry tooth hast lost." 
 " 'Tis done," quoth Hob: — and stakes a Charles's 
 
 crown ; 
 The quack as nimbly throws five shillings down. 
 
184 LANCASHIRE HOB, &C. 
 
 Hob takes up all, and in a neighbour's hand 
 Secures the total: then makes his demand. 
 " Measter yo know eawr bet is, that I've lost 
 My teeth; and that I have not none to boast" 
 The quack replies, " ? Tis true; and what by that?" 
 " Why ', see I've six neaw o eh meh owd scull-hat. 
 Ne, sur, if yoan geaw wimmy whoam, I'll shew 
 Yo e'ry tooth, ot e meh meawth did groo" 
 
 The quack ill-vex'd he such a bite should meet, 
 Turn'd on his heel, while Hob said, " Sur — good 
 neet" 
 
 London : Printed by C. Roworth, 
 Bell-yard, Temple-bar. 
 
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