635 
 517 
 
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 PRICE THIRTY -FIVE CENTS 
 
 S*' 
 
 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 BY 
 
 GUY L. CLEMENTS 
 
 ATCHISON, KANSAS 
 
 J. R. HELLENER & CO. 
 
Successful Rural Plays 
 
 A Strong List From Which to Select Your 
 Next Play 
 
 FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
 .lewis Tubbs. For five male and six female characters. Time 
 of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two 
 easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a 
 farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New 
 Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, 
 and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. 
 Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by 
 intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry 
 Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip 
 learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple 
 plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience 
 alternately to tears and to laughter. 
 
 HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
 Lewis Tubbs. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two 
 hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four 
 acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs 
 has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter 
 Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son 
 of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth "Winn. 
 She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. 
 When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave 
 Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- 
 covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then 
 he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. 
 
 THE OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New 
 
 England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven 
 males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, 
 modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich 
 in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of 
 the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- 
 terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- 
 uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play 
 everybody understands and likes. 
 
 THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy 
 in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four 
 females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- 
 terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money 
 from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's 
 niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the 
 wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting 
 and novel. 
 
 A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in 
 Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four 
 females, and three supers. < Time, two hours and twenty minutes. 
 One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a 
 country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which 
 results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker 
 in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- 
 mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girL 
 
A Deal in Ducks 
 
 A Play in Three Acts 
 
 By 
 GUY L. CLEMENTS 
 
 ± 
 
 Atchison, Kansas 
 
 J. R. HELLENER AND CO, 
 
 192 i 
 

 Copyright 192 i by J. R. Hellener and Co. 
 
 A Deal in Ducks 
 
 m 1/ i92i©ao 57130 
 
 TMP92-008854 
 
A Deal in Ducks 
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS 
 
 Jack Gillmore . Editor of the " Sandburn Echo " 
 
 Robert White Jack's college chum 
 
 John Hardnock . . . Capitalist and land owner 
 
 Mike McConey The printer's devil 
 
 Ruth Hardnock Jack's fiancee 
 
 Betty Hart Jack's assistant 
 
 Time:— Soon after the United States entered the 
 World War. 
 
 Place. — Small middle-western town. 
 Time of Playing: — About two hours. 
 
 STORY OF THE PLAY 
 
 The play opens soon after the United States entered 
 the World War. Jack Gillmore is a young newspaper 
 editor in a small country town of western Nebraska. 
 Jack is in love with Ruth Hardnock, the daughter of a 
 retired rancher and capitalist. Mr. Hardnock objects 
 to their marriage because Jack is not rich. Jack enlists 
 in the army and rather than close down his paper he 
 leaves it in charge of Robert White, who has had no 
 experience but is full of confidence. Jack's assistants, 
 Betty Hart and Mike McConey, agree to stay and 
 help edit the paper. To assist Jack in his love affair 
 the new editorial staff plot to swindle Mr. Hardnock 
 out of a sum of money in order to win his consent to 
 Ruth's marriage. Their plans are greatly assisted by 
 the Government's announcement of the discovery of 
 
4 STORY OF THE PLAY 
 
 potash in that vicinity. They use Jack's money to 
 make the first payment on a lake they buy from Mr. 
 Hardnock and soon get into difficulties through 
 their mistakes and inability to meet their bills. Jack, 
 becoming suspicious, returns home on a furlough and 
 very nearly spoils their plans. They finally succeed in 
 re-selling Mr. Hardnock his lake for fifty thousand 
 dollars. They turn the money over to Jack and he uses 
 it to win Mr. Hardnock's consent to his marriage. 
 Jack then returns the money to Mr. Hardnock but 
 holds back enough to build the house that Mr. Hard- 
 nock had promised them. Hardnock is so impressed 
 with Bob's clever work that he hires him to take charge 
 of his affairs. Ruth and Jack win a home; Bob a 
 housekeeper and Betty a rug beater, all on account of 
 a little " business ingenuity." 
 
 Act I. Office of the Sandburn Echo. 
 
 Act II. Same as Act I. 
 
 Act III. Same as Act II. 
 
A Deal in Ducks 
 
 ACT I 
 
 SCENE. — Office of a typical, small, country news- 
 paper. Desk for Jack and desk with a typewriter 
 for Betty. Sale bills and calendars on the walls. 
 Waste paper baskets, newspapers, advertisements 
 and so forth scattered about the room to give it the 
 appearance of a country town newspaper. Betty is 
 discovered at her desk busily engaged in writing 
 copy. 
 
 (Mike enters at c. d. As he talks with Betty he re- 
 moves his hat and coat and hangs them on the peg 
 from which he takes an apron. He puts on the 
 apron and lights a short, stubby pipe.) 
 
 Betty (stops working and looks up). Good-morn- 
 ing, Mike. 
 
 Mike. Top of the marnin' to yez, Miss Betty. 
 
 Betty. You are a little late to work this morning, 
 Mike. 
 
 Mike. Couldn't help it this marnin\ Sure and we 
 are having lots of excitement down at our house. 
 
 Betty. What's the matter? Are some of the chil- 
 dren sick again ? 
 
 Mike. No, a burgular broke into our house about 
 three o'clock this marnin'. 
 
 Betty. A burgular ! Mercy, did he get anything ? 
 
 Mike. Did he get anything? Begora, ye ought to 
 see his eye. Sure and me wife thought it was me. 
 
 Betty. You shouldn't stay out so late nights, Mike. 
 I'm afraid you don't appreciate your wife as you 
 should. 
 
 5 
 
O A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Mike. Oh, I appreciate Maggie all right. She went 
 to Sunday School the other Sunday and learned all 
 about heaping on coals of fire. 
 
 Betty. Isn't that splendid? And now I suppose 
 she's trying it on you. 
 
 Mike. Yes, she's trying it on me, all right. Only 
 she's got the thing mixed up a bit and begora she's 
 using hot water. 
 
 Betty. Now, Mike, I know better than that. 
 Maggie is a good wife and you will go a long way be- 
 fore you find another one like her. 
 
 Mike. Sure an' you're right, Miss Betty. Maggie 
 is the best little pal in the world. I was late this 
 marnin' hunting me pipe. The kids had it out in the 
 back yard blowing bubbles with it. Has Jack been 
 down this marnin' ? 
 
 Betty. Yes. He went to the post-office for the 
 mail. Jack is very anxious to see his mail every day 
 now as he hopes to hear from the War Department in 
 regard to his enlistment in the army. 
 
 Mike. An' phwat wad become of the paper an* us, 
 if his appleekashun shud be accepted? 
 
 Betty. If he goes to war he intends to sell the 
 paper and invest the money in Liberty Bonds. It will 
 mean quite a sacrifice for Jack. He has worked hard 
 to get this paper up to a point where it is a paying 
 proposition and now, just as it is at the place where he 
 could reap the benefits of his labors, he is going to 
 leave it. 
 
 Mike. Begora, I don't blame him a bit. If it 
 wasn't for Maggie and the kids I'd be there meself. 
 It's hard to stay home when the other fellows are all 
 going. 
 
 Betty. I feel sorry for Jack on account of the 
 financial sacrifice he must make, but, oh, how I envy 
 him the privilege of going out like a man and taking a 
 man's part in this struggle for civilization. As I read 
 and hear of the butchery and destruction in Belgium ; 
 the shooting and killing of children and harmless citi- 
 zens ; it makes my blood fairly boil. Oh, that I were 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 7 
 
 a man that I could do something. It seems to me 
 like looking on at a murder or watching a bulldog kill- 
 ing a kitten and doing nothing. I can't understand 
 how any man who is half a man can be content to be 
 out of it. 
 
 {Enter Jack c. d. Hears last of Betty's speech.) 
 
 Jack. That's fine, Betty. Fine. If the United 
 States Government doesn't put you in charge of a re- 
 cruiting station, it ought to, that's all. Don't you think 
 so, Mike? 
 
 Mike. Begora, and you're right, Jack. Sure, and 
 I've been growing smaller and smaller, standing here 
 feeling like I been letting the bulldog eat up the cats 
 right before me very eyes. 
 
 Betty. No, Mike. I do not refer to men like you. 
 We all know that Maggie and the little Mikes need you 
 at home. But I do believe that every man ought to 
 either be in training or helping in some way at home. 
 They say it takes eight men behind the lines for every 
 man in the trenches so there should be a job for every- 
 one. 
 
 Jack. Well, Betty, I hope soon to be one of those 
 in the trenches. {Takes letter from his pocket.) I 
 received my summons this morning and I am to report 
 at the Court House at Munford within twenty-four 
 hours. That means that I must start to pack my grip 
 at once. 
 
 Betty. But Jack! You can't possibly leave so 
 soon. What will become of your business ? 
 
 Jack. It isn't a question of can or can't. It's 
 " Must." 
 
 Betty. But just think of the sacrifice that it will 
 mean. 
 
 Jack. I supposed that I would have plenty of time 
 to dispose of my business after hearing from my ap- 
 plication but it seems that the Government is in urgent 
 need of men. However, there is no use to worry about 
 what can't be helped. I should have thought of that 
 before. 
 
8 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Mike. Misther Jackson has been wantin' the paper 
 fer some toime. Can't yez sell it to 'im ? 
 
 Jack. No. I stopped in to see him on my way 
 from the office. In some manner he has found out 
 that I must leave at once and has withdrawn his offer 
 of two thousand dollars for the paper. He said he was 
 afraid the war would injure the newspaper business 
 and that he could not afford to pay more than nine 
 hundred dollars for it. 
 
 Betty. Well, of all the ungrateful impudence ! I 
 must say that I like his nerve. I wish I were a man, 
 I'd tell him something. 
 
 Mike. Ye're not goin' to let 'im have it, be yez? 
 
 Jack. No, I will close the place up first. Jackson 
 thinks he has me in a pinch and that I will have to sell. 
 Well, he has another " think " coming. It's hard to 
 keep up your patriotism sometimes, when you see the 
 ungratefulness of a few of these unprincipled money 
 grabbers. They seem to forget that it is their property 
 and their homes that we are going out to fight for as 
 well as our own. There's one redeeming feature and 
 that is that the great mass of the American people are 
 behind the boys and will back them up to the last 
 ditch. What worries me most is, what will become of 
 you who have been so faithful to me, in case I am 
 obliged to close up the shop. 
 
 Mike. Don't yez be worryin' about me. If the 
 worst comes I can go like the other bhoys and Uncle 
 Sam will take care of Maggie and the kids. I'm not 
 much of a shot but begora, I can throw bricks in case 
 they run out of bullets. 
 
 Betty. Never mind us, Jack. We'll get along all 
 right. Before this war .is over we may all be fighting 
 in one way or another. 
 
 {Enter Mr. Hardnock and Ruth, c. d.) 
 
 Ruth (goes to Jack and he places arm about her 
 waist). Jack, we just heard the news. Must you go 
 so soon? 
 
 Jack. Yes, Ruth. I must report at Munford within 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS Q 
 
 twenty- four hours. I just received the notice and was 
 coming up to tell you of it. It is rather a surprise, as I 
 expected that I would have plenty of time to settle up 
 my affairs before leaving. 
 
 Hardnock. There, I told you so. I warned you 
 all the time and advised against this enlistment busi- 
 ness. There was no call for it as I could see. This 
 is not our scrap, anyway. 
 
 Betty. Well, it most certainly is our scrap. And 
 anyone but a blind man could see it, unless he had 
 certain reasons of his own for not wanting to see it. 
 If Germany should win this war now, it would be the 
 last of the United States of America. 
 
 Hardnock. Oh, fiddlesticks and fish-bones! You 
 alarmists make me tired. We are too far away to be in 
 any danger. Suppose they should, somehow or other, 
 scramble over here with a few hundred thousand men. 
 Then we would all turn out and take a shot at them. 
 
 Ruth. But we have no rifles. 
 
 Hardnock. We have shotguns. 
 
 Jack. Yes, and Mike here has some bricks and the 
 girls have hat pins. That is just the danger. You may 
 be the bravest people on earth, but if you have neither 
 the arms nor the training while the other chaps have 
 both, you are just like sheep ready for the slaughter. 
 
 Hardnock (goes towards c. d.). All right! All 
 right ! I wash my hands of the whole affair. Nobody 
 can ever blame John Hardnock for shouting this na- 
 tion into war. 
 
 Betty. Well, I should say not. And no one can 
 ever give him any credit for winning it, either. 
 
 Hardnock. And as for you, Jack, no one who is 
 foolish enough to mix up in this fuss and throw away 
 a chance like this to make money will ever have a 
 chance to spend any of mine. And if my daughter 
 still chooses to marry that kind of a man she can make 
 up her mind to live on that kind of an income. Good- 
 day! 
 
 (Exit c. d.) 
 
 Betty. Of all the nerve! Nobody wants any of 
 
10 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 your stingy old money anyway. I beg your pardon, 
 Ruth, but your father makes me warm under the col- 
 lar, sometimes. 
 
 Ruth. Oh, never mind father. He had fried fish 
 for breakfast and they never do agree with him. Jack 
 knows that father's objections will make no difference 
 with me. 
 
 Jack. Thank you, Ruth, for saying so, but your 
 father is right to a certain extent. A girl, accustomed 
 as you have been to the luxuries of life, should be 
 pretty sure that she has the right man before throwing 
 away a life of ease and comfort for a life of toil and 
 hardship with a man without money. 
 
 Betty. Oh, shucks ! I wouldn't give two cents for 
 a girl who didn't have enough confidence in the man 
 she was going to marry to believe that he would soon 
 be a millionaire, at least. 
 
 Jack. I must go to the house now and break the 
 news to mother. Would you care to walk along, Ruth ? 
 We can talk over our plans on the way. 
 
 Ruth. Certainly, Jack. I will go with you and per- 
 haps I may be of some help to your mother in getting 
 your things ready. 
 
 Jack. We'll be right back, Betty. Meanwhile you 
 might as well let Mike set up a little type. It will do 
 him good. 
 
 (Exit Ruth and Jack c. d.) 
 
 Betty (handing paper to Mike). All right. Here's 
 some copy, Mike. Set up this prohibition notice. It 
 will make you forget your other troubles. 
 
 Mike (takes copy and starts off stage). First 'twas 
 war and now 'tis prohibition. Begora, I wonder what 
 the next great calamity'll be. 
 
 (Exits into press room.) 
 
 (Betty sits at typewriter and writes. Enter Bob c. d. 
 Does not notice Betty at first. Betty stops writing 
 and watches Bob.) 
 
 Bob (looks around office). So I have found the den 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS II 
 
 of the sly old fox at last. Who would ever have 
 thought that that old college hero, Home Run Jack, 
 would ever settle down in a little burg like this, and 
 run a little dinky, once a week, newspaper. He has a 
 nifty little place here, though, but how he ever came to 
 squat down and live in a place like this is more than I 
 can see. Not even a pie- throwing picture show to 
 relieve the monotony of life. (Betty looks up and 
 watches Bob.) I've been in them before. The girls 
 all flirt, chew gum, sing in the choir and meet the train 
 on Sunday night. Of all the girls in the world give me 
 
 anything but a small country town, gum chewing 
 
 {Notices Betty watching him.) Ah, excuse me! 
 {Takes off hat and bows.) How do you do? That 
 
 is It's a nice day, isn't it? {Aside.) Well, what 
 
 do you know about that? 
 
 Betty {coming forward). Good-morning. Is there 
 something I can do for you this morning? 
 
 Bob. No — yes — that is as I was saying 
 
 {Wipes face with handkerchief.) It's rather warm, 
 isn't it? 
 
 Betty. It does seem a little suffocating. Sort of 
 takes a person's breath. 
 
 Bob. Yes, you did take my breath for a minute. 
 Rather unexpected, you know. Were you raised 
 here? 
 
 Betty. Do you wish something? If not, I am 
 rather busy this morning. 
 
 Bob. It seems to be getting a trifle cooler. 
 
 Betty. Perhaps, but that will not prevent some- 
 body from getting roasted if he persists in this fool- 
 ishness. If you have some business, all right. If not, 
 I must ask you to excuse me. 
 
 Bob. Why, yes — that is — I thought I would like to 
 buy some newspapers or something. Let me see some 
 of the very latest styles you have in newspapers. 
 
 Betty {hands Bob paper). Here's the last copy of 
 the Sandburn Echo. Edited by Jack Gillmore. The 
 very latest thing in newspapers and designed especially 
 for the numerous fresh guys that come here. 
 
12 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Bob. Say, that's good. Now I know you were not 
 raised here. {Hands Betty card.) Here's one of my 
 cards. Mr. Robert White. Retired capitalist and all 
 around good fellow. A bachelor whose tender heart 
 is still unscratched by the claws of matrimony. What 
 did I understand you to say your name is? 
 
 Betty. I hardly think you understood me to say. 
 
 Bob. I guess that's right, come to think of it. But 
 don't you think that we could get along lots faster in 
 our business relations if we were better acquainted? 
 You know it's hard for me to do business with strang- 
 ers, especially when they have such bright, interesting 
 eyes. 
 
 Betty. My eyes are neither bright nor interesting. 
 In fact they are almost as dull and uninteresting as 
 some of our customers. 
 
 Bob. Oh, I see. In that case I might as well be 
 going. (Writes note.) I will leave a note for 
 Jack — I mean the editor — and will call again a little 
 later. (Hands Betty note.) I wish to look around 
 the town a little. I would like to get into the manu- 
 facturing business in this town, if possible. 
 
 Betty (interested). So? May I inquire what kind 
 of goods you wish to make ? 
 
 Bob. Certainly. If I could only get a certain party 
 for a partner I should like to make a few dates. 
 
 Betty. If you refer to me, I must decline with 
 thanks. I prefer the newspaper business. 
 
 Bob. Sure, that's all right. Everyone to his own 
 liking. I bid thee farewell. I only hope you will like 
 me more as you know me better. 
 
 (Exit c. d.) 
 
 Betty. Well, of all the nerve that was ever 
 wrapped up in one little bit of a piece of humanity, he's 
 it. (Glances at note.) I wonder what can be in this 
 note. Business, I suppose. Still he didn't talk like a 
 business man. (Looks at note.) Why, Betty Hart! 
 What in the world is the matter with you ? That note 
 can be of no possible interest to you. Still, if it's busi- 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 1 3 
 
 ness it may be something that I can attend to. He 
 didn't say it was personal. I wonder if it would be 
 right for me to read it. I have a notion to take a little 
 peep, just for fun. Nobody ever need to know. 
 (Glances about room, unfolds note and reads.) " Dear 
 old Jack." (Aside.) Why, he must be a friend of 
 Jack's. " Am off to war and just dropped in to say 
 good-bye." (Aside.) That makes a difference. 
 (Reads.) " I want to tell you what a sweet, dear little 
 stenographer you have." (Aside.) This is getting 
 interesting. (Reads.) "1 lost my heart to her on 
 sight." (Aside.) At least he shows good judgment. 
 (Reads.) " If she should read this and will meet me 
 this evening on that cozy little bridge in the park I 
 will tell her all about it." (Angrily.) Oh, the mean, 
 old, horrid thing! (Tears up note.) That note was 
 just a trap. (Stamps her foot.) I hate him! I hate 
 him! I hate him! (Meditates.) And yet — and yet — 
 what wonderful eyes. (Smiles.) 
 
 (Voices heard off stage. Betty hurriedly picks up 
 pieces of note, leaving one and taking some copy 
 from desk exits r. d.) 
 
 (Enter Jack and Hardnock.) 
 
 Jack. Is your answer absolutely final, Mr. Hard- 
 nock? 
 
 Hardnock. Absolutely. I would not be doing my 
 duty to Ruth if I were to consent to this marriage. 
 A girl accustomed to every luxury of life, such as 
 Ruth has been, could never be happy on the income of 
 a man like you. If you had money, things would be 
 different. I will never consent to my daughter's mar- 
 riage to any man who has not at least fifty thousand 
 dollars to his credit in the bank. 
 
 (Bob enters, listens a moment, then steps behind desk.) 
 
 Jack. Money isn't everything in this world. I love 
 Ruth and I believe that she loves me well enough to 
 be happy on the income that I can supply her with. 
 
14 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Hardnock. Perhaps, for a while, but it would not 
 last. 
 
 Jack. But it is impossible for any man, within a 
 few years, to save fifty thousand dollars and make it 
 honestly. 
 
 Hardnock. It is easy if you go about it in the 
 right way. The big fortunes of to-day are not made 
 by hard work. One good investment is worth a life- 
 time of labor. And then there are other ways. Not 
 approved of, perhaps, by your Sunday School teacher, 
 but at the same time they bring in the money. 
 
 Jack. I would rather be poor all my life and lie 
 in a pauper's grave than to go about the country cheat- 
 ing the people out of their hard-earned savings by dis- 
 honest methods. I would rather be able to look my 
 fellow man in the face with a clear conscience and a 
 clean hand than to have all the gold in the world. 
 
 Hardnock. That is splendid sentiment but very 
 poor judgment. Young man, don't you know that one- 
 half the population of this globe is simply giving its 
 money away to the other half every day by the stock 
 and investment route? I don't exactly like that word 
 " cheating " you used. I prefer to call it " business 
 ingenuity/' If you ever expect to make big money you 
 absolutely must have a certain amount of shrewd, 
 cunning, business ingenuity. I'm willing to admit that 
 that's the way I made my money. I must leave you 
 now, but think it over, and when you can come to me 
 with a bank book, showing a deposit to your credit for 
 fifty thousand dollars, I will not only consent to your 
 marriage to my daughter but I will throw in an extra 
 ten thousand myself for a little nest to live in. Think 
 it over. 
 
 (Exit Hardnock.) 
 
 Bob (stepping out). Excuse me, Jack. But I got in 
 and couldn't very well get out so I just stayed and 
 heard the lecture on high finance. 
 
 Jack (shakes hands). Well, Bob! I sure am glad 
 to see you. Where in the world did you drop from? 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 1 5 
 
 You are always turning up just when I am most in 
 need of a friend. What are you doing way down here ? 
 
 Bob. I have just completed a course of training at 
 an Officers' Training Camp and am waiting for Uncle 
 Sam to say " Come." But what's all the rumpus 
 about ? You look as though you were in trouble. 
 
 Jack. Yes, I am in trouble, Bob. I'm right up 
 against it. I just received notice from the War De- 
 partment to report for duty at once and here I am 
 with all this business on my hands and the father of 
 the only girl in the world refuses to consider me as a 
 suitable son-in-law. 
 
 Bob. Do you mean to say that that crazy old fish 
 objects to you as a son-in-law? Well, I most cer- 
 tainly would object to him as a father-in-law. But 
 never mind, Jack. If the girl is really worth while, 
 you should worry, whether he objects or not. 
 
 Jack. It will make no difference to Ruth, in the 
 way you mean. She is the best little girl in the world, 
 but it would not be fair for me to ask her to give up 
 her position and wealth, at least not until I can offer 
 her something more than I can at present. Even this 
 little newspaper business, that I have worked so hard 
 to make a success of, seems to be headed for the rocks. 
 
 Bob. Jack, I have an idea. You know I always 
 was long on ideas and short on cash. 
 
 Jack. Yes, I remember. What particular wheel 
 has started to buzzing now ? 
 
 Bob. Simply this. I may not be called to the army 
 for some time. Why not let me take charge of things 
 here and help run the paper or at least try to sell the 
 business for something like a fair price. 
 
 Jack. But you have never had any experience, have 
 you? 
 
 Bob. No, of course not. But then I am chuck full 
 of ambition, confidence and self-appreciation. I guess 
 that ought to make it go, hadn't it? You know my 
 reputation for tackling everything. 
 
 Jack. Yes, and of succeeding at nothing. You are 
 a fine boy, Bobbie, but as a printer I am afraid you 
 
l6 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 will be one grand mistake. Well, there's one consola- 
 tion, you certainly can't make things any worse. Try it 
 if you wish. If Betty would stay on the job I would 
 have more faith in your success. 
 
 Bob. Oh, sure. She'll stay all right when she finds 
 out that I am going to be here. 
 
 {Picks up piece of note left by Betty and looks at it.) 
 
 Jack. You seem to have found something inter- 
 esting. 
 
 Bob. No, nothing but a little piece of a note some- 
 body has torn up. It belongs to me, I guess. At least 
 it has my name on it. I'll just keep it for future refer- 
 ence. (Puts paper in pocket. ) By the way, Jack, your 
 stenographer didn't seem very sociably inclined this 
 morning. 
 
 Jack. No, I suppose not, if you went about getting 
 acquainted the way you usually do. Betty is the finest 
 little girl in the world but she has no use for the boys, 
 especially the trifling kind. 
 
 Bob. But I'm not trifling. I'm serious. Somehow 
 when I gaze into her eyes she seems different from the 
 rest. 
 
 Jack. Yes, most of them are different, especially 
 when you gaze into their eyes. 
 
 Bob. She's not engaged or anything like that, is 
 she? 
 
 Jack. No. Her heart is still free for the man who 
 is lucky enough to win it. However, I can give you 
 very little encouragement along that line. Betty is all 
 business and has no time for tomfoolery. 
 
 Bob. I should worry about Tom. Wait till I get 
 in some of my work. 
 
 (Enter Betty l. d. Sees men and starts to exit.) 
 
 Jack. Betty ! Just a moment ! (Betty comes for- 
 ward.) I want you to meet an old college chum of 
 mine, Robert White. Bob, this is my assistant, Miss 
 Hart. The best printer in the state. 
 
 Betty (shaking hands). How do you do, Mr. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 17 
 
 White? I beg your pardon for seeming so rude this 
 morning but I did not know you were a friend of 
 Jack's. 
 
 Bob. I am surely delighted to know you, Miss Hart. 
 Don't mention that little incident this morning. I had 
 it all coming to me and then some. Yes, I claim to be 
 one of Jack's many friends, but you must not hold that 
 against me. 
 
 Betty. I'm sure no friend of Jack's could be so 
 very bad. 
 
 Jack. I'm not so sure about that, Betty. While in 
 school Bob had the reputation of being a thief. You 
 had better be on your guard while he is around. 
 
 Betty. Indeed, and what does he steal ? 
 
 Jack. Girls' hearts, mostly. 
 
 Betty. Oh, I see. 
 
 Bob. Oh, come on now, Jack. That's not fair. I 
 swear that I never flirted with a college girl in my 
 life. 
 
 Betty. Oh, of course not. Nor with a newspaper 
 girl either, I suppose. 
 
 Jack. Oh, so that was the trouble, was it? You 
 know Bob was just complaining to me about your not 
 being very sociable this morning. 
 
 Bob. Let's talk about something else. Jack, you 
 tell her about the new editor of the Sandburn Echo. 
 
 Betty. You haven't sold out, have you, Jack ? 
 
 Jack. No, not yet. I have just been thinking of 
 letting Bob stick around here while you run the paper. 
 We will make him think he is managing things, but 
 that is only on condition that you will stay on the job 
 and see that things go right. 
 
 Betty. I'll be glad to stay, Jack, and do what I 
 can to help. With Mike to help us I think we can get 
 along nicely, especially if you will keep us supplied 
 with news from the front. But where is Ruth ? 
 
 Jack. I left her with' mother to help pack up a 
 few things I wish to take with me. I guess she is 
 coming now. 
 
 {Enter Ruth with traveling case.) 
 
1 8 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Ruth. Here you are, Jack. {Hands Jack travel- 
 ing case.) Everything all packed and ready. 
 
 Jack. Thank you, Ruth. How did mother seem 
 when you left ? 
 
 Ruth. Nobody will ever know just how your 
 mother does feel, Jack. She is braver than all the 
 rest and is determined to send her boy away with a 
 smile. 
 
 Jack. Dear little mother. It's hard to leave her. 
 She will be lonesome and you must keep her company, 
 Ruth. I will try to make her proud of me when I re- 
 turn. 
 
 Ruth. We are proud of you now, Jack, and know 
 you will do the best you can. The things you are tak- 
 ing seem so little. Won't you take an extra blanket 
 or something along? 
 
 Jack. No, I would only be bothered with sending 
 it back. Uncle Sam will see to all that when we reach 
 camp. By the way, Ruth, I want you to meet my old 
 friend, Bobbie. I guess you have heard me tell about 
 him enough to know who he is. 
 
 (Ruth and Bob shake hands.) 
 
 Bob. I am glad to meet you, Miss Hardnock. I 
 certainly would have known you anywhere just from 
 Jack's wonderful descriptions of you. 
 
 Ruth. How do you do, Mr. White. I have heard 
 a great deal about you from Jack and I am very glad 
 to know you. 
 
 Bob. Yes, Jack and I have had some fine times to- 
 gether in the good old days gone by. Say, Jack, do 
 you remember those nifty Ramsey girls ? 
 
 (Jack tries to motion for Bob to keep still, Ruth 
 turns and sees him and Jack acts as if he is scratch- 
 ing his head.) 
 
 Ruth. Why, Jack ! You never told me about those 
 girls. Mr. White, I think I will have to have a little 
 talk with you, in private, about Jack's early career. 
 
 Jack. Oh, you mean those fat, homely Ramsey 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 19 
 
 girls. Honestly, Ruth, I had forgotten to mention 
 them to you. Some of Bobbie's friends. By the way, 
 Bobbie, I want to see you alone for a few minutes be- 
 fore I leave. And, Ruth, we haven't told you yet that 
 Bob and Betty are going to take charge of the paper 
 and run it for a while or try to sell for a fair price. 
 
 Ruth. Oh, I am so glad. I was afraid you would 
 have to shut it up and lose everything. I wonder if 
 they would take me on the reporting staff. I can get 
 all the Aid Society news each week. How about it, 
 Betty ? Could you use me a little ? 
 
 Betty. Surely, Ruth. We will be very glad for 
 your help. I don't know how we will make it go but 
 we will do the very best we can. 
 
 Bob. That we will, and while Jack is over there 
 dodging German bullets we will be over here dodging 
 American bill collectors. 
 
 Jack. That reminds me of something I was going 
 to mention. How are your finances ? I am afraid that 
 my salary as a soldier will hardly be sufficient to allow 
 me to pay very big wages. 
 
 Bob. Now you just forget all about that part of it. 
 I'm broke, as usual, but will get along, as usual. I'll go 
 out and collect a few advertising bills and back sub- 
 scriptions. 
 
 Betty. I have a little money, Jack, and you are 
 welcome to it, but right now it is tied up in a Liberty 
 Bond subscription. 
 
 Jack. I thank you, Betty. But I hardly think that 
 will be necessary. I have a little cash on hand and I 
 will place a hundred dollars subject to check in the 
 bank, for running expenses, until you can do a little 
 collecting. 
 
 Bob. All right, Jack, but we will not use the money 
 unless we find it necessary. 
 
 Betty (putting on her hat). If you folks will ex- 
 cuse me I will go to the post-office for some postage 
 stamps. 
 
 Jack. Certainly, Betty. I'll see you again before I 
 leave. 
 
20 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Bob (starting for door). May I go with you, Miss 
 Hart? I may be able to help you carry your stamps 
 or something. 
 
 Betty. How thoughtful of you ! 
 
 (Exit Betty and Bob.) 
 
 Ruth. They seem to be getting acquainted pretty 
 fast. 
 
 Jack. Yes, leave that to Bob. Bobbie is a mighty 
 fine fellow but I am afraid he will not pay as much 
 attention to the newspaper as he will to the editor. 
 But then I can't blame him. Betty is a fine girl and 
 Bob has a great big heart and will make some girl a 
 good husband. 
 
 Ruth. Did you talk to father again, Jack? 
 
 Jack. Yes, I had another talk with him but he is 
 determined and absolutely refuses to give his consent 
 to our marriage. He seems to have no other objec- 
 tion than that he wants you to marry a man with 
 money. 
 
 Ruth. Why should we let that make any differ- 
 ence, Jack? I love father and would hate to do any- 
 thing that would displease him, but at the same time 
 we must not let him spoil both of our lives. 
 
 Jack. I am glad to hear you talk like that, Ruth. 
 It simply proves to me what a treasure I am getting, 
 but I cannot allow you to make this sacrifice now while 
 I have nothing in return to offer you. 
 
 Ruth. Yes, Jack, you have. You have love and 
 happiness to offer, and what more is there in this life 
 that is worth having? But we can wait, Jack, and 
 when you return from the army, no matter what hap- 
 pens, I will be waiting for you. 
 
 Jack. I know you will, little sweetheart, and the 
 thought will help to make of me a better man and a 
 better soldier, for I shall work from day to day with 
 a determination to come home again and with a record 
 that you will not be ashamed of. 
 
 Ruth. And while you are gone I shall be making 
 my wedding dress. You see, I am already learning 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 21 
 
 how to do useful things. ( Unwraps package and gives 
 Jack military sweater.) This is my first attempt at 
 knitting and if you laugh I will cry. 
 
 Jack {examines sweater). Thank you, Ruth. I 
 appreciate it more than you can know. You are some 
 little knitter. But there are no sleeves in it. (Holding 
 it up.) Surely you don't expect me to get both arms 
 shot off, do you? 
 
 Ruth. Oh, Jack, don't joke about it like that. No- 
 body knows what might happen, but my prayer is that 
 whether wounded or not that God will "bring you back 
 to me. Inside of the sweater, where it will come right 
 over your heart and nobody will ever know it is there, 
 I have embroidered a little poem and when the winds 
 sound loud and cold in the winter time or soft and 
 lonesome at night you can read it, Jack, and know that 
 they are bringing you a message from me. 
 
 Jack (turns sweater wrong side out and reads). 
 
 My prayers are on the singing winds, 
 
 That sing about at night ; 
 That flap the canvas on the tent 
 
 And flick the candle-light. 
 
 My prayers are on the singing winds, 
 
 That sing at break of day, 
 That waken mighty armies up 
 
 And send the night away. 
 
 My prayers are on the singing winds, 
 
 That whistle loud and shrill, 
 Across the raging battle-field, 
 
 Or whisper soft and still. 
 
 My prayers are on the singing winds, 
 
 That cross the mighty sea. 
 This is my prayer on all the winds : 
 
 " God, bring him back to me." 
 
 Jack. Why, Ruth, you are a regular little poet as 
 well as a seamstress and I am sure that with a prayer 
 
22 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 like that next to my heart nothing can happen. It will 
 be a comfort to me when things go wrong, and when I 
 return from the army you can make our living by tak- 
 ing in sewing and writing poetry. 
 
 {Takes her in his arms a moment.) 
 
 {Enter Bob and Betty.) 
 
 Bob. All aboard, Jack. The car is waiting out- 
 side. There's quite a bunch of the boys out there to 
 see you off. 
 
 {Enter Mike from press room.) 
 
 Jack. All right, Bob. I'll be there in a minute. 
 {Hands sweater to Ruth.) Will you please put this 
 in the suit-case, Ruth? {Takes hat and coat, shakes 
 hands with Mike.) Well, Mike, old boy, £ood-bye. 
 Don't give up the ship. You have a good crew to 
 work with and I think you will get along all right. 
 
 Mike. Good-bye, Jack, and the luck of the Irish 
 go wid yez. Don't yez be worryin' about us. Begora, 
 we'll double yer shubscription list before yez get back. 
 {Exit Ruth, Jack, Betty and Bob, c. d. Mike goes 
 to door and watches them. Outside Jack is heard to 
 bid good-bye, answered by a crowd as auto horn sounds 
 and car starts.) Begora, if all Americans were like 
 Jack this war wouldn't last two minutes. Oi'd hate to 
 be th' Heinie phwat mates 'im whin he goes over the 
 top. 
 
 '{Exit Mike into press room.) 
 {Enter Ruth, Betty and Bob.) 
 
 Bob. Well, here we are. All alone with a news- 
 paper. The whole force is here. Editors, reporters, 
 devils, typesetters and all. What do we do first? 
 
 Betty. About the first thing to do is to get some 
 copy written, some type set and some papers printed 
 by to-morrow night. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 2$ 
 
 Ruth. Yes, the paper is supposed to come out to- 
 morrow. 
 
 Bob. All right, that sounds easy. Ruth can get 
 busy and do some reporting, you can write some copy 
 and Mike can set the type. 
 
 Betty. And what will you do ? 
 
 Bob. Oh, I'll just sort of take charge of the office, 
 wait on customers, write poetry and overlook things. 
 
 Betty. Yes, I imagine you will overlook quite a 
 few things. By the way, here is a letter for you from 
 Omaha. It came with Jack's mail this morning. 
 
 (Betty hands Bob letter. He examines envelope.) 
 
 Ruth. I'll bet it's from his city girl. Is it ad- 
 dressed in a lady's handwrite, Betty ? 
 
 Betty. No, it's typewritten and isn't even per- 
 fumed. 
 
 Bob. From my gun club. (Looks at letter.) Mow 
 
 I wonder what they are after ? 
 
 Ruth. A good way to find out, Bob, is to read it. 
 
 (Bob opens letter.) 
 
 Betty. It's a dun for your back dues, probably. 
 
 Ruth. Or a notice of expulsion for being such a 
 poor shot. , N 
 
 Bob. Just listen to this, will you? (Reads) 
 " Dear Bob. While you are out in the wild and woolly 
 west will you please look over the country and see if 
 you can secure a hunting reserve with a good-sized 
 lake upon it that can be fixed up for duck hunting for 
 the club. Price not much of a consideration if you can 
 get the right kind of a place. Draw on us for the 
 amount if you find something satisfactory. Very 
 truly yours, Frank Linn, Secretary, Wild Goose Gun 
 Club " Well what do vou know about that? Is there 
 any such a place around here, Betty? You don't mind 
 my calling you " Betty," do you? You see we are go- 
 ing to be^so busy around here running this paper and 
 4 it takes such a long time to say " Miss Hart. It s 
 just so much time wasted in extra words. 
 
24 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Betty. No, I don't mind — Bob. \He starts 
 towards her.) That is just during business hours. 
 Why, yes, there are several good lakes around here 
 where Jack says the duck hunting is good during the 
 season. 
 
 Ruth. There is a large lake on one of my father's 
 farms. I am sure he would be glad to sell it, as I have 
 often heard him say that it was waste land and brought 
 in no returns. 
 
 Bob. Ah, at last I have an idea. You know I have 
 just sort of felt ideas floating around in the air all 
 morning but I couldn't seem to get next to one. But 
 when Ruth spoke about her father it set me to going. 
 Why, say, do you know that old pill, excuse me, Ruth, 
 for calling your father an old pill but he is one, ac- 
 tually tried to persuade Jack that it was perfectly O. 
 K. if he could put something across and make a lot of 
 money. He tried to make him believe it was all right 
 to get the best of the other fellow when possible. He 
 called it shrewd, cunning business ingenuity and 
 claimed that one-half the world were giving their 
 money away to the other half every day, and that a 
 fellow was entitled to all he could get no matter how 
 he got it. 
 
 Betty. But what does he mean by this " business 
 ingenuity " ? 
 
 Bob. Well, I don't know exactly, but I might ex- 
 plain it something like this. When Jack and I were 
 in school together I was usually broke and Jack was 
 always helping me out. I couldn't attend the base- 
 ball games because I couldn't make the team and I 
 didn't have the price of a ticket. Jack was on the 
 team and the only member they had who could bat 
 the ball over the fence. I was always out there by a 
 certain little tree and during the practice before the 
 game Jack would manage to boost one over. I would 
 get it and they would let me in free for returning the 
 ball. Now that's what you might call ingenuity. 
 
 Ruth. I would call it plain graft. 
 
 Bob. What was the harm? The club wouldn't 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 2$ 
 
 have had any of my money, anyway, because I didn't 
 have any. And I saw the game from the bleachers 
 instead of from the top of one of the trees outside. I've 
 always wanted to pay Jack back for the things he did 
 for me while in school, and if I can help him out now 
 I'll do the best I can. 
 
 Betty. But what has all this to do with your big 
 idea ? 
 
 Bob. Simply this. We will try a little of this in- 
 genuity stuff on Mr. Hardnock and see how he likes it. 
 Show him where it is wrong and if possible win his 
 consent to the marriage of Ruth and Jack. 
 
 Ruth. That all sounds very well but how will we 
 do it? 
 
 Bob. Well, in the first place we must organize a 
 company. When any real crooked work is to be pulled 
 off there is always a company to lay the blame on. 
 I think a real estate company would be best suited 
 for our purpose. Suppose we organize the R. B. 
 Skinem Real Estate Company. R. will stand for Ruth, 
 B. for Betty and Skinem for me. 
 
 Ruth. I think that is a good name for a real es- 
 tate company. 
 
 Betty. Yes, and it sounds so businesslike. 
 
 Bob. All right, then. That's settled. The R. B. 
 Skinem Real Estate Company is now organized and 
 ready for business. Ruth can be president, Betty sec- 
 retary and I will be general manager and local repre- 
 sentative. We must keep the personnel of the com- 
 pany a secret and I will act as its agent. Now my 
 idea, just for a starter, is this. We will let the com- 
 pany buy a lake from Mr. Hardnock for as small a 
 sum as possible and then sell the lake to the Wild 
 Goose Gun Club for as large a sum as possible. Then 
 we will let the information leak out to Mr. Hardnock 
 that the lake was resold for a fabulous sum and watch 
 him rave about it. 
 
 (Hardnock heard speaking off stage.) 
 
 Ruth. There comes father, now. 
 
26 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Bob. I'll just slip in and tell Mike what we are go- 
 ing to do. Perhaps he can help us. I'll come back 
 when your father gets here and you folks can take your 
 cue from me. 
 
 (Exit Bob to press room.) 
 
 Betty. I'm afraid Bob will get us into deep water. 
 I commence to feel like a thief already. 
 
 Ruth. Don't worry. I only hope we can get the 
 best of father for once. It will do him good. 
 
 (Enter Hardnock c. d.) 
 
 Hardnock. Oh, so here you are, eh? Here I've 
 been running my legs off all over town looking for 
 you. I had just about decided that you had gone away 
 with your soldier hero. Come, get your hat on and 
 we'll be going home. 
 
 Ruth. I will not be home till evening, father. I 
 have accepted a position as reporter for the Sandburn 
 Echo and my new duties require my presence here. 
 
 Hardnock. You've done what? Great jumping 
 grasshoppers, Ruth, have you lost your senses ? 
 
 Ruth. No, I've just found them. 
 
 Hardnock. You have, eh? Well, we'll see about 
 that. Perhaps it's just as well, though, to let you get 
 a little taste of what will happen if you insist upon 
 marrying your pauper sweetheart and are obliged to 
 earn your own living. 
 
 Ruth. I shall remain here, at least for the present. 
 As for Jack, all I ask is that you hold no grudge against 
 him that will prevent your consenting to our marriage 
 should he come to you again with money. 
 
 Hardnock. He has my promise and I will offer 
 no objections to the marriage when he can show me a 
 deposit to his credit of fifty thousand dollars. But 
 you will die of old age if you wait for him. Jack is 
 too honest to make money. He does not have that 
 sense of shrewd, business ingenuity that I possess. 
 
 Ruth. I would rather have Jack, poor and just as 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 2J 
 
 he is, than to have some heartless, scheming rascal with 
 all the money in the world. 
 
 Hardnock. You may think so now, but you have 
 never tasted the bitterness of poverty as I have. I 
 can see nothing wrong in getting the best of the other 
 fellow if you can. That's business. It's being done 
 to-day and every other day. I say let the best man 
 win. Anybody is certainly welcome to anything they 
 can get out of me. 
 
 {Enter Bob from press room.) 
 
 Bob {looks around then goes to Betty's desk). 
 How do you do? Is the editor in? 
 
 Betty. I am the person in charge at present. 
 What can I do for you ? 
 
 Bob. My name is White. Bob White for long. 
 Bob for short. A bachelor who is short but I hope not 
 for long. 
 
 Betty. You mean you hope you will not be short, 
 long. Is that it ? 
 
 Bob. Exactly, and since meeting you I also hope I 
 may not be a bachelor long, either. 
 
 Betty. Sir! How dare you, a stranger, talk to 
 me like that? 
 
 Bob. Excuse me. I beg your pardon. I represent 
 the R. B. Skinem Real Estate Company. (Mr. Hard- 
 nock becomes interested.) We skin 'em either dead 
 or alive. Our company has a contract with a bunch 
 of rich ducks in the east to buy a lake in this neck of 
 the woods for a duck hunting reserve. 
 
 Betty. But there are no woods around here. It's 
 all sand. 
 
 Bob. That makes no difference. Ducks don't light 
 in trees anyway. I simply wish to insert an ad in 
 your paper to the effect that I am in the market for a 
 good first-class lake with water in it. 
 
 Betty. All right. {Hands him pad and pencil.) 
 Just write your ad here, please. Ten cents a line. 
 Cash in advance. {Bob twites.) Do you know of any 
 lakes for sale around here, Ruth ? 
 
28 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Ruth. Why, yes, there are plenty of places for sale, 
 but what's the use of paying money for a place to 
 hunt ducks on? There are plenty of places to hunt 
 around here without paying for it. 
 
 Hardnock. Ahem. Excuse me, young man, but 
 did I understand you to say that you were in the 
 market for a lake around here ? My name is Hardnock 
 and I usually knock 'em hard. 
 
 (Bob and Hardnock shake hands.) 
 
 Bob. And I represent the R. B. Skinem Company 
 and we usually skin 'em hard. I am out here to skin 
 somebody out of a lake. 
 
 Hardnock. I think I have just the place you want. 
 It's a lovely lake just a short distance from town. 
 Its beautiful shores are lined with mother earth and 
 during the hunting season its tranquil surface is fairly 
 obliterated by the great mass of ducks resting upon its 
 smiling bosom. 
 
 Bob. You are sure there are plenty of ducks, then? 
 
 Hardnock. Ducks, millions of them. Why, man, 
 it's absolutely dangerous to be standing around that 
 lake in the evening when there is a big flight on. You 
 are in danger of being knocked down and rolled into 
 the lake. The churches of the town have closed their 
 evening services during the season on account of the 
 noise of cackling geese and ducks. They make such a 
 noise the people can't hear the preacher. I remember 
 one fall a few years ago when all of a sudden one night 
 it turned very cold and froze the legs of every wild 
 fowl that was on the lake, in the ice. Well, the next 
 morning a few of us went down to get some fries and 
 the whole bunch just naturally up and flew away with 
 the lake. That's the reason why it isn't as large now 
 as it was. It hasn't entirely filled up yet. 
 
 Bob. I think the location will be satisfactory if it 
 is as you represent it. How much do you ask for the 
 property ? 
 
 Hardnock. Well, I hardly know. It depends 
 somewhat on circumstances. For instance, how much 
 have you got ? 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 2<) 
 
 Bob. My resources are such, Mr. Hardnock, that 
 they cause me no worry. However, I claim to be a 
 shrewd business man with lots of ingenuity, so if you 
 make a deal with me it must be at a bargain. Now 
 what is the very lowest price that you would consider ? 
 
 Hardnock. I always try to get the other fellow to 
 name his figure and then I raise it a little. However, 
 I have rather taken a liking to you and so I will make 
 you a very low price of one thousand dollars. I have 
 always held that lake at fifteen hundred. 
 
 Bob. You are a little high, Mr. Hardnock. You 
 see I always try to get the other fellow to name his 
 figure and then lower it a little. It's good business, 
 you know. Now I figure that nine hundred dollars 
 would be about right for the place. 
 
 Hardnock. Nothing doing! Not one cent less 
 than a thousand can I take. Can't even consider it. 
 
 Bob. Very well, you know your own business. 
 Then I must look elsewhere. (Turns to Betty.) By 
 the way, who owns that fine large lake I saw from 
 the train as I came into town? 
 
 Betty. Mr. J. H. Robinson. I understand that he 
 holds that at eight hundred dollars. 
 
 Bob. The deuce he does. Say, boy, he is just the 
 man I want to see. (Puts on hat and starts for door.) 
 Never mind about printing that ad. I'll see you all 
 later. 
 
 Hardnock. Just a minute, young man. (Bob 
 stops.) Upon second consideration I don't know but 
 what I might as well meet his price on that lake. It's 
 worth more money than that, but I really don't need the 
 place and guess I might as well let it go. 
 
 Bob. Well, a lake is a lake as far as I am concerned 
 and if you are willing to take the seven hundred, 
 why 
 
 Hardnock. You mean the eight hundred. 
 
 Bob. No, I mean the seven hundred. Didn't I say 
 seven hundred, girls? 
 
 Ruth. That's the way I understood it. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, you understood it wrong. You 
 
3° 
 
 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 don't want to buy a lake. You want somebody to give 
 you one. I can't even consider your proposition. I 
 will take eight hundred but not a cent less. 
 
 (Enter Mike.) 
 
 Mike ( has sheet of paper in his hand) . Miss Betty, 
 do yez want to have this ad run another week ? 
 
 Betty. What ad is that, Mike? 
 
 Mike. This ad of Mr. Brown's say in' he wants to 
 sell his lake fer six hoondred dollars. 
 
 Betty. Oh, yes, to be sure. I had forgotten about 
 that. Yes, Mike, run it another week. 
 
 Bob. Say, let me see that ad a minute. {Takes 
 paper from Mike and looks at it.) Why, here is a 
 lake advertised for sale at six hundred dollars. Is it a 
 good lake to hunt on? 
 
 Mike. It is one of the best duck lakes around 
 here. Are yez in th' market fer a lake, sor ? 
 
 Bob. Well I should say I am. Do you know where 
 I can get in touch with this man Brown? 
 
 Mike. No, but there's a Misther Hardy who lives 
 a coupla miles beyant th' town, who has a foine lake 
 fer sale. I heard him say he'd take five hoondred and 
 fifty dollars fer it. 
 
 Bob. He is the bird I want to see. (Hands Mike 
 paper.) Thanks. Sorry that we cannot come to 
 terms, Mr. Hardnock, but I must do business where 
 I can do the best. A fellow must look out for himself 
 nowadays or somebody is apt to get the best of him. 
 
 (Starts off.) 
 
 Hardnock. Hold on, hold on. Those fellows can't 
 underbid me like that and get away with it. We'll see 
 who's selling lakes around here. I'll meet Harding's 
 price. It's simply giving the thing away, but they can't 
 put one over on me like that. 
 
 Bob. Well, I don't know but what I ought to look 
 at this Harding lake first, but if you are willing to let 
 yours go for five hundred dollars I guess we might 
 as well close the deal. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 3 1 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, for goodness' sakes, yes. Take it 
 quick before you get any lower. The first thing I 
 know you will be wanting me to pay you something for 
 taking it off of my hands. Get a contract drawn and 
 we will sign up. I believe in having things done in a 
 businesslike way, especially when you are dealing with 
 such a slippery eel. 
 
 Bob. All right. Thanks. I'll go right down to the 
 lawyers and have a contract drawn up and return it 
 here for you to sign. One hundred dollars cash down 
 and four hundred on final settlement in say four weeks' 
 time. So long. 
 
 (Exit Bob c. d.) 
 
 Hardnock. Mike, why in thunder did you come 
 blundering in just as you did and spoil things? I was 
 just about to land him for eight hundred dollars when 
 you came in and spilled the beans. That little speel 
 of yours cost me just three hundred dollars. 
 
 Ruth. Don't blame Mike, father. How could he 
 know that you were on a deal ? 
 
 Hardnock. No, I suppose not, but it looks mighty 
 suspicious just the same. Oh, I got more than it is 
 worth, anyway. The water in that lake is so impure 
 that even the cattle won't drink it. I call that putting 
 it over in pretty good shape. I guess I'll walk down 
 to the office and get the mail while I am waiting for 
 the contract. 
 
 (Exit Hardnock c. d.) 
 
 Mike. Begora, Oi belave he thinks Oi did it on 
 purpose. 
 
 Betty. And I'm afraid you did, Mike. You are 
 in bad now for sure. 
 
 Ruth. You were pretty clever at it just the same. 
 I think the Skinem Real Estate Company will have to 
 give you some of the commission. 
 
 Betty. Do you think that we are treating your 
 father just exactly right, Ruth ? 
 
 Ruth. I don't care whether we are or not. Father 
 
XI A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 had no business talking to Jack as he did, ancl I would 
 like to be one to help teach him a lesson. 
 
 (Enter Bob, very excited. Has newspaper in hand.) 
 
 Bob. Listen, folks! What do you think of this? 
 (Reads.) "Potash discovered in Lakes of Western 
 Nebraska." The morning papers are full of the re- 
 ports. (Bob spreads paper out on desk. Ruth> 
 Betty and Mike crowd around trying to read. Bob 
 reads.) "After months of secret tests and experi- 
 ments the Government announces that the waters of 
 many of the lakes of Western Nebraska, especially 
 around Alliance and Sandburn, contain enormous de- 
 posits of potash. The war has boosted the price of 
 potash tremendously and ranchers wake up in the 
 morning to find themselves millionaires. Milling com- 
 panies have already leased many of the lakes. Farmers 
 are advised to have the water on their farms analyzed 
 before entering into contracts with strangers." (Turns 
 pages of paper.) Everything in the paper seems to be 
 about potash. 
 
 Betty. That will mean a big boom for this coun- 
 try. Who would have thought that they would ever 
 discover anything in these sand piles? 
 
 Ruth. What if there should be potash in father's 
 lake? 
 
 Bob. By George, that's right. Say, where is he, 
 anyway? If he gets wind of this he will never sign 
 up that contract. 
 
 Ruth. He just went down-town for the mail. 
 
 Bob. We must head him off somehow. If he ever 
 gets his mail and gets a squint at the paper it will be 
 good-night for us. 
 
 Betty. Mike, you hurry down the back way and 
 beat Mr. Hardnock to the post-office if you can. Get 
 his mail and bring it up here. 
 
 Mike (puts on hat and hurries out c. d.). Begora, 
 if I get pinched fer this job yez all will have to go 
 me bail. 
 
 (Exit.) 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 33 
 
 Ruth. I will go down the front way. Perhaps I 
 can overtake father and persuade him to come back. 
 At least I can keep him from talking to other people. 
 
 (Exit Ruth c. d.) 
 
 Betty. Gee, this is getting exciting. And we 
 don't know whether there is anything to get excited 
 about yet or not. 
 
 Bob. Possibly not, still I feel that there is a chance. 
 
 Betty. So do I. Especially as Mr. Hardnock 
 made a remark about the water being so polluted that 
 the cattle don't like it. Do cattle like potash? 
 
 Bob. I don't know. I never heard of any one 
 feeding it to them. What worries me is how are we 
 going to get this contract signed up before the gentle- 
 man with business ingenuity gets next to what's up? 
 
 Betty. We're regular crooks, aren't we? 
 
 Bob. This is the first time I ever took part in a 
 genuine swindle, but I rather like it. Especially with 
 such a peach for an accomplice. 
 
 Betty. Never mind your pretty speeches during 
 office hours. Better be figuring on a way to pay for 
 this lake. 
 
 Bob. By golly ! That's right. I suppose we'll have 
 to pay for it, won't we ? 
 
 Betty. Yes, I suppose we will. 
 
 Bob. Funny, but I never thought of that. How in 
 the dickens will we do it? 
 
 Betty. I haven't the least idea. This is your deal, 
 you know. 
 
 Bob. Oh, yes, I know all right and I have just 
 exactly ninety-eight cents, a collar button and two 
 shingle nails. 
 
 Betty. Rather small capital to start a real estate 
 business on, isn't it? 
 
 Bob. Yes. It's what you might call "mixed col- 
 lateral." I have it. 
 
 Betty. What, the money ? 
 
 Bob. No, a scheme. I will use their letter and 
 draw on the Gun Club for the money. 
 
34 
 
 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Betty. And that will give the Gun Club a claim 
 on the lake if it should prove to be valuable. 
 
 Bob. That's so. Well, then, we will have to use the 
 hundred dollars that Jack left to pay the running ex- 
 penses of the paper with. 
 
 Betty. And what about the paper ? 
 
 Bob. It may run us a little close but we will man- 
 age somehow. 
 
 Betty. And how about the other four hundred dol- 
 lars we are to pay in four weeks? 
 
 Bob. I don't know exactly, but there's no use to 
 worry about that for four weeks. I guess we can 
 raise the money somehow. Just leave things to me 
 and don't worry. 
 
 {Enter Ruth and Hardnock. She has him by the 
 arm and is urging him in. ) 
 
 Ruth. Here is father, Mr. White. I was for- 
 tunate in overtaking him before he had gone very far. 
 
 Hardnock. What's the all-fired rush ? You'd think 
 it was a case of life and death to get this contract 
 signed up. There I was, almost down to the post- 
 office, but nothing would do but that I must hurry 
 right back. Now I will have to go clear back again 
 for the mail and here I haven't even seen a morning 
 paper. 
 
 Betty. Never mind, Mr. Hardnock, Mike is going 
 to the office and I will have him bring your mail here. 
 
 Hardnock (sees paper on desk). Ah, there's a 
 paper now. 
 
 (Hardnock and Betty reach paper at same time. 
 Ruth screams, Betty lets go of paper. All ex- 
 cited. ) 
 
 Betty. Oh, excuse me. 
 
 Hardnock. Molly Jones, Ruth, what's the matter? 
 Ruth. Why, I — I — hardly know. I guess I saw a 
 mouse or something. 
 Betty. Mouse ! 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 35 
 
 (Screams and both Betty and Ruth get on chairs.) 
 
 Hardnock. Well, there's no use in making such a 
 fuss about it. (Starts to unfold paper.) 
 
 Bob. Keep still, folks. I see the little rascal. 
 (Advances towards Hardnock.) Don't anybody 
 move or you will scare it away. Let me have the 
 paper a minute, Mr. Hardnock, and I will kill it. 
 (Takes paper and makes plunge as if for mouse. Up- 
 sets waste paper basket and emerges with newspaper 
 rolled up holding each end. ) Ah, I have the little thief 
 inside this paper. Here is where you depart this 
 troublesome life. 
 
 (Pretends to step on paper.) 
 
 Ruth. Oh, don't kill the poor little thing. Throw 
 it out of the window. 
 
 Bob. Although I am naturally hard hearted I can- 
 not refuse your tender pleadings. (Goes to window ) 
 There you go, you little robber. (Throws paper out 
 of window.) Good-bye and good luck. 
 
 Hardnock. Thunderation ! .There goes the paper 
 and I haven't seen a headline this morning. 
 
 Bob. Excuse me. I forgot you hadn't seen the 
 paper. Mike will soon be here now with your mail 
 Meanwhile we might as well get the contract signed 
 up (Takes contract from his pocket. Places it on 
 desk.) Here it is, all in proper form and only needing 
 your signature to close the deal. 
 
 Hardnock (sits at desk and takes pen). Where do 
 I sign ? On this line ? 
 
 Bob. Yes, right here. Your full name, please. 
 
 Hardnock (about to sign, then lays down pen and 
 takes out spectacles). Guess I'll have to get out my 
 other eyes. I can't see as well as I could once. 
 
 (As he is about to sign Mike enters c. d. with paper 
 and few letters which he places on desk in front 
 of Hardnock.) 
 
36 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Mike. Here's yer mail, Misther Hardnock. I was 
 down to the office so I brot ut along with me. 
 
 Hardnock. Thanks, Mike; I was just wanting it. 
 
 (Starts to look at mail. Bob takes paper.) 
 
 Bob. If you don't mind I will look over the head- 
 lines while you are signing the contract. 
 
 Hardnock. Sure, help yourself. (Picks up letter 
 and looks at it.) Here's a letter from the National 
 Potash Company. I wonder what they can want with 
 me. 
 
 (Starts to open letter.) 
 
 Ruth. Better sign the contract, father, and then 
 take your time to look over your mail. 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, yes. (Signs contract and hands 
 it to Bob.) There you are. A contract for the sale 
 of the lake. One hundred dollars now and four hun- 
 dred more on final settlement. 
 
 Bob. Thanks, and here's a check for the hundred. 
 (Hands him check.) And here's your paper. 
 
 (Hands him newspaper.) 
 
 Hardnock (glances at paper). What's this? 
 (Reads.) " Potash discovery in lakes near Sandburn 
 worth millions." Where's that letter? (Hurriedly 
 opens letter and reads.) "Mr. John Hardnock. 
 Dear Sir: We understand you own a lake near Sand- 
 burn. Our man is on his way to see you. Do not 
 lease your lake until you see him. Yours truly, Na- 
 tional Potash Company." (Hardnock rubs hands, 
 pleased.) Ah, fine, fine. At last I am about to make 
 a killing that is worth while. 
 
 Bob. Excuse me, Hardnock, but you mean that the 
 R. B. Skinem Real Estate Company are about to make 
 a killing. (Holds up contract.) You forget that 
 they own the lake. 
 
 Hardnock. So that is your little game, is it? I 
 see through it all now. I have been robbed. You are 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 37 
 
 all in this deal together. You are all a bunch of crooks 
 and I'll have the whole gang arrested. 
 
 Bob. Allow me to make another correction, please. 
 We are not crooks but we simply use a large amount 
 of keen, shrewd business ingenuity. 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
ACT II 
 
 SCENE. — Same as Act I. Four weeks later. Dis- 
 covered, Betty writing copy on typewriter, Ruth 
 writing with pencil, Bob seated at desk operating 
 typewriter. He stops writing, stares crt the wall for 
 a time, frowns, and taking the paper from the ma- 
 chine he wads it up and throws it on the floor. The 
 floor is covered with balls of paper. 
 
 Ruth. Oh, dear me. I've tried to think until my 
 head is in a whirl. How are you getting along, Bob? 
 
 Bob. Don't ask me. I haven't a thing yet but a 
 lot ol wadded up paper balls. But I will not give up 
 as long as the paper holds out. 
 
 {Takes out another sheet and throws it away.) 
 
 Ruth. The paper comes out to-morrow, you know. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I know. And we haven't enough copy 
 to half fill the blamed thing in spite of the full page 
 free advertisements we are running. Do you see that 
 crack on the wall? 
 
 Ruth. Yes, I have been watching it for some 
 time. 
 
 Bob. Well, that crack has busted up several good 
 thoughts for me. Just as my brain gets to working 
 well I find myself watching that crack and the first 
 thing I know I am wondering how far it runs behind 
 that desk. Then I am clear off the track again. 
 
 (Enter Mike from press room, apron on and printer's 
 stick in hand.) 
 
 Mike. Have yez anny more copy ready? 
 Bob. Just a minute, Mike. (Looks through pile 
 of papers on desk.) Don't be in such a hurry, Mike. 
 
 38 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 39 
 
 You make me nervous, bobbing in here every little 
 while and calling for more copy. 
 
 Mike. Begora th' paper comes out th' morn. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I know. I have been reminded of it 
 several times already this morning, and besides I knew 
 it myself. Don't worry, Mike. Just leave it to me. 
 
 Mike. Begora, we left it to yez. That's phwat 
 I'm a-worryin' about. 
 
 Bob {takes paper from pile and hands it to Mike). 
 There is an item. It will keep you busy for a little 
 while. Better read it over and see how it sounds. 
 
 Mike {reads). " Whit Upton's pigs broke out last 
 week and rooted up a fine patch of garden truck." 
 Hard luck, Whit. Begora, that's excitin' news. We 
 ought t' git out an extry on thot. 
 
 Bob. All right, laugh at it if you want to but go 
 ahead and set it up. And, Mike, if you finish before 
 noon you might go to the office and bring the mail. 
 
 {Exit Mike to press room.) 
 
 Betty {stops writing and takes paper from ma- 
 chine). There, I have finished that elopement case 
 and it will help out considerably. 
 
 {Telephone rings,) 
 
 Bob. There goes that blame telephone again. I 
 wonder who has a kick coming now. You answer it, 
 Ruth. I'm afraid it is Mrs. Brown. 
 
 Ruth. Not I. I am not over the last calling down 
 I received for some of your mistakes. You got those 
 headlines mixed up yourself and now you will have 
 to get out of it the best way you can. 
 
 {Telephone rings emphatically.) 
 
 Bob, Yes, yes. Ring on, merry bells. I'm coming. 
 
 {Places receiver to ear.) Hello yes, this is the 
 
 Echo office. . , . . .Oh, yes, Mrs. Brown, how do you 
 do? Nice day, isn't it? {Aside.) That's who it is, 
 all right. {Talks in telephone.) What's that? 
 
40 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 You say you want to talk to the manager ? Yes 
 
 — no — that is — the manager is not in just at present. 
 
 No, you see he went fishing this morning 
 
 Oh, yes, in regard to the heading on your wedding- 
 write-up Yes, it was the fault of our typesetter. 
 
 Yes, you see he got a prohibition meeting head- 
 line mixed up with your wedding write-up. That's 
 how he came to get " The Fight is On " at the head of 
 
 your wedding write-up Sure, we will fire him 
 
 right away Certainly, but don't talk like that 
 
 over the telephone. It's against the law, you know. 
 Good-day. (Hangs up receiver.) You just ought to 
 hear that woman rave. I'll bet the fight is on most of 
 the time at her ranch. 
 
 Ruth. I don't know that I blame her much. Be- 
 sides it was your fault and not Mike's for getting 
 those headlines mixed up. 
 
 Bob. No, it was Mike's fault. He got behind with 
 his work and I was only trying to help him out. 
 
 Betty. Yes, he got behind while waiting for us to 
 write copy. How much have you in that pile on your 
 desk that will do to print ? 
 
 Bob. Well, I hardly know. I have just about run 
 dry. I never knew before how hard it is to get news 
 items in a dead town where nothing ever happens. 
 
 Betty. Why, things are lively now compared with 
 what they were when Jack was here. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I know. Jack could fill up half the 
 paper lamenting on the dull times but I can't. Here 
 is one item that I think might do. I tried out a great 
 scheme and it works fine. I describe everything in 
 full. In as many words as I can think up. It helps 
 fill up a lot and besides gives the public lots more 
 information than they usually get. Here is the item. 
 (Reads.) "The large and handsome, fawn-colored, 
 two year and one-half year old Jersey cow belonging to 
 Frederick Ribshaw Jones, Esquire, our popular and 
 well dressed fellow citizen " 
 
 Ruth. Yes, Rib is a swell dresser all right. 
 
 Bob. " Citizen, can be daily seen wandering from 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 41 
 
 the far end of his pasture lot to the other far end 
 of it." 
 
 Betty. His! His pasture lot? The Jersey's? 
 
 Bob. No, Rib's. 
 
 Betty. That's thrilling information. I can see the 
 crowd now surrounding the newsboys, throwing the 
 money at them and demanding a copy of the paper. 
 But we'll use it, only don't read any more, please. I 
 feel weaker than I did and I wasn't very strong before. 
 
 Bob. I'd like to see what you think of this poetry. 
 It seems pretty good to me, but a man is never the 
 best judge of his own poetry. {Picks up paper.) I 
 haven't made up any name for it yet. (Reads.) 
 
 " Oh, the orphan boy stood on the hill, 
 The wind blew cold and very chill, 
 But there he saw the little rill," 
 
 ©o you notice how she swings? Somehow it doesn't 
 sound as good as when I was writing it. 
 
 ". . . little rill, 
 That curved and splattered round the hill." 
 
 It's hard to get out of those Hill, chill, ill rhymes 
 once you strike 'em. 
 
 " And the orphan boy stood there until, 
 The wind and all gave him a chill, 
 And he sickened " 
 
 Betty. Oh, stop, stop. Don't read the finish or I 
 can never stand it. 
 
 (Enter Mike. Has bundle of letters and papers.) 
 
 Ruth. Oh, here is the mail. Have you a letter 
 for me, Mike? 
 
 Mike (lays mail on Bob's desk. Holds one letter 
 behind his back). Oi'm afeard not. Sure and Oi'm 
 a-thinkin' he has anither gurl be this time. 
 
 Ruth (looking over mail). I wonder what is the 
 
42 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 matter. Jack never misses sending me at least a card. 
 Are you sure there was no letter, Mike ? 
 
 Mike. Nary a letther, onless p'r'aps 'tis this. 
 
 {Holds up letter.) 
 
 Ruth. There, I thought so. {Grabs for letter. 
 Mike jumps back.) Let me have it, Mike. Please! 
 
 (Mike holds it high and Ruth jumps to get it. Exit 
 Mike to press room.) 
 
 Bob. Hurry up and read it, Ruth, and see if Jack 
 has any report to make on our potash proposition. 
 (Ruth opens and reads letter. Bob opens and reads 
 letter.) Here are a lot of letters. I hope some of 
 them contain some checks. {Telephone rings. Bob 
 
 answers it.) Sandburn Echo Hello yes 
 
 you say our bank account is overdrawn? 
 
 Surely that must be a mistake Are you sure we 
 
 are overdrawn? All right I'll be down with 
 
 some checks and make a deposit All right, 
 
 good-bye. {Hangs up receiver.) There's no use of 
 that bank getting so huffy about a little overdraft. 
 I might decide to take my account over to the other 
 bank. 
 
 Betty. And they might be glad to get rid of it, 
 especially as there is never any money there. 
 
 Bob (holding up letter). Here's a big fat letter from 
 the Indian Patent Medicine Company. I hope there 
 is another check in it for more advertising. {Opens 
 letter and reads. ) " In regard to our advertisement 
 of last week we wish to say that you had the thing so 
 mixed up that it was of no value. Besides having our 
 name upside down the ad was a slam on our medi- 
 cine. Refund our money at once or we will start 
 suit for damages." What nerve. I know that ad 
 was all right because I fixed it myself. 
 
 Betty. Yes, you fixed it all right. Instead of 
 reading, " It makes you well," you had it reading, " It 
 makes you swell." 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 43 
 
 Bob. Well, that's nothing to get peeved about. 
 Let them start suit if they want to and see if I care. 
 (Opens another letter.) Here's a letter from the 
 State Journal Company. I wonder what they want? 
 Betty. Money, most likely. We owe for last 
 week's ready prints yet. 
 
 Bob. Yes, that's it. Here is what they say. 
 (Reads.) ''Gentlemen: Not having received remit- 
 tance for past due account we are shipping weekly 
 supply of ready prints C. O. D. until back accounts are 
 paid in full." 
 
 Bob. They are not at all backward about asking 
 for money. If they are not a little more careful we 
 may have to buy our ready prints somewhere else. 
 I guess you might as well send them a check, Betty. 
 Betty. You forget our account is overdrawn. We 
 have been overdrawn ever since you drew out that 
 hundred dollars for the purchase of that lake. You 
 said we would get along somehow. 
 
 Bob. And haven't we been getting along, some- 
 how? It will take a check several days to get back 
 to the bank and meanwhile we may make a raise on 
 this potash deal. 
 
 Betty. It seems to me you are risking a good deal 
 on this potash proposition. Suppose the lake should 
 prove to be of no value ? 
 
 Bob. Don't worry about that. It will be all right. 
 I tell you that lake is full of potash and the price is 
 going up every day. Just leave it to me. 
 
 Betty. I'll leave it to you to write that check, all 
 right. I'm getting in deep enough now without getting 
 into trouble for writing worthless checks. 
 
 Bob. All right, then. We won't send them any 
 check. They don't need the money as much as we 
 do anyway. (Opens letter.) Here's our last chance 
 for a check to-day. (Unfolds letter and shakes it to 
 see if check falls out. Reads.) "Gentlemen: Re- 
 ferring to the error in our advertisement of last week 
 
 we " (Bob throws letter down.) You read it, 
 
 Betty. The public doesn't seem to appreciate what 
 
44 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 I am trying to do for it. (Gets up.) Has Jack had 
 a report on our sample of potash yet, Ruth? (Ruth 
 continues to read.) I say, Ruth. (She reads.) Hey, 
 Ruth! (Bob talks louder each time.) 
 
 Ruth. Oh, excuse me. Were you speaking? 
 
 Bob. No, but I was yelling. Your letter must be 
 interesting. What does Jack have to say about our 
 potash proposition? 
 
 Ruth. What do you think, folks? Jack has been 
 transferred on account of his college preparation in 
 chemistry and is doing special work for the Govern- 
 ment relating to the production and refining of potash. 
 Here is what he says. (Reads.) " In regard to the 
 sample of water from your father's lake which you 
 sent me we have tested it thoroughly and find that it is 
 
 not " (Ruth hunts through her letter for the next 
 
 page.) Now what did I do with that other page? I 
 have it all mixed up. 
 
 Bob. For goodness' sakes, hurry up and read the 
 rest. Why did he ever start a new page at such an 
 interesting place ? That word " not " makes me nerv- 
 ous. 
 
 Ruth. Oh, here it is. Right on the back of the 
 same page. (Reads.) " It is not a question of plenty 
 of potash but a question of how soon he can erect a 
 mill and start production. The sample proves to be 
 one of the finest we have yet tested and with the price 
 of potash reaching the sky your father should make 
 a million. I expect to be home in a few days on a 
 short furlough and I may be able to give him some 
 advice and be of some assistance." 
 
 Bob. Hurrah! See there. What did I tell you? 
 I knew it would be all right. But say, we mustn't let 
 Jack know that we are in on this or he would never in 
 the world let us go through with it. Not a single 
 word to him who the Skinem Company really is until 
 we hand him the money and then he can do as he 
 likes. By the way, this is the day set for final settle- 
 ment. 
 
 Ruth. Yes, but have we the four hundred dollars ? 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 45 
 
 Bob. No, we haven't four hundred cents. But 
 don't worry. I'll get an extension to the contract wr 
 raise something somehow. I'm good at raising things. 
 
 Betty. Yes, especially at raising the dickens. 
 
 (Enter Hardnock c. d.) 
 
 Ruth. Good-morning, father. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, Ruth, I see you are still deter- 
 mined about that fool idea of earning your own living. 
 
 Ruth. I have found no reason for changing my 
 mind yet. 
 
 Hardnock. Whenever you get tired of this non- 
 sense you can return home and get something fit to eat. 
 
 Ruth. I have not been so very hungry yet. In 
 fact I think I have done pretty well in a business way 
 so far. 
 
 Hardnock. In a business way. If you call letting 
 a fortune slip through your fingers doing pretty well I 
 don't see how you figure it. If you care no more for 
 money than to marry a man like Jack I shall take 
 pains to see that you are never bothered with any of 
 mine. 
 
 Ruth. I believe you said that once before. 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, and I'll say it again if necessary. 
 But I did not come here for an argument. I came 
 here to see that thief of a White about the final settle- 
 ment for the lake. 
 
 Bob. Here he is. Thanks for the compliment, old 
 top. Have you the deed with you? 
 
 Hardnock (takes deed from pocket). I have it 
 here. I suppose there is no way to call the deal off. 
 
 Bob. Perhaps there might be. In fact since you 
 mention it, Mr. Hardnock, I am wondering if it would 
 not be to the advantage of both of us for you to buy 
 the lake back. For a consideration I think the R. B. 
 Skinem Company which I represent might be induced 
 to return the contract. 
 
 Hardnock. How much do you want? 
 
 Bob. Well, I hardly know. That depends upon 
 
46 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 circumstances, Mr. Hardnock; for instance, how much 
 have you got? 
 
 Hardnock. That has nothing to do with it. I will 
 give you one thousand dollars to return the contract 
 and not one cent more. 
 
 Bob. I'm sorry but we couldn't consider it. You 
 see I always try to get the other fellow to make his 
 price and then I raise it a little. Give us fifty thousand 
 dollars and we will waive all rights to the property. 
 
 Hardnock. Fifty thousand grasshoppers ! What 
 do you think I am ? Here is the deed to your dirty old 
 lake. Now let's have the four hundred dollars. 
 
 (Holds deed in hand.) 
 
 Bob. Why, yes, — that is — to be sure, Betty, just 
 hand Mr. Hardnock the four hundred and charge it 
 to my account. 
 
 Betty. Ruth handles all the finances and she has 
 what money we have on hand. Ruth, pay your father 
 four hundred dollars and charge it to Mr. White's 
 account. 
 
 Ruth. It just happens that I turned the money on 
 hand over to Bob this morning to put in the bank. 
 
 Bob. Yes, that's right. You see we always bank 
 early in the morning, Mr. Hardnock, in order to cover 
 our over — I mean so we will not have so much money 
 lying around the office. I'll just write you a check. 
 
 Hardnock. You'll do no such thing. I sold that 
 lake for cash and not for checks. I believe you are a 
 fake and a fraud. I don't believe you have four 
 hundred dollars. 
 
 Bob. You couldn't see your way clear to give us an 
 extension to the contract, for say thirty days, could 
 you? 
 
 Hardnock. No, sir. Not one day. The contract 
 calls for settlement to-day and I will give you till six 
 o'clock to raise the money. If it is not forthcoming 
 by then I will call the deal off and keep your hundred 
 dollars for my trouble. You really had me worried 
 for a minute, Mr. White, but I feel better now. I 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 47 
 
 will go now and see what I can do to keep you from 
 raising the money. Good-day. 
 
 (Exit Hardnock c. d.) 
 
 Bob. And the cold, bleak, wintry wind blew down 
 the avenue. Gone but not forgotten. 
 
 Betty. He didn't seem much inclined to extend the 
 time any, did he? 
 
 Ruth. We can't afford to fail now, Bob. Can't 
 you think of some way out ? 
 
 Bob. I can think of lots of ways in but none out. 
 We might rob a bank or something. 
 
 Betty. If we fail now what will we say to Jack 
 about his hundred dollars? 
 
 Bob. In my vast vocabulary there is no such word 
 as fail. I'll go down town now and see what I can 
 scare up. We have until six o'clock, you know, and 
 lots of things can happen by then. I'll drop into the 
 bank again and try them once more. Whistle a little 
 and keep up your courage. I won't be gone long. 
 Just leave it to me and don't worry. 
 
 (Exit Bob c. d.) 
 
 Ruth. Poor Bobbie! He is getting us all in a 
 tangle. 
 
 Betty. It doesn't appear to worry him any. Did 
 you ever, in all your life, see any one so unconcerned 
 about things? Honestly, I believe if he were to be 
 shot at sunrise he would say " Don't worry, something 
 will turn up, even if it is my toes." 
 
 Ruth. Has he ever really and truly proposed, 
 Betty? 
 
 Betty. Yes, of course. He proposes regularly 
 every night at ten o'clock. And what worries me is 
 that he doesn't seem more worried. You see, I told 
 him I was thinking of entering a convent. Don't you 
 think that ought to worry him a little? 
 
 Ruth. Then you do care for him? 
 
 Betty. Sure I do. I made up my mind to marry 
 
48 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 him the day he arrived. Bobbie needs someone to 
 worry for him. 
 
 Ruth. I am glad of it, Betty. You and Bob will 
 make a fine couple. And when Jack comes home we 
 will have grand times together. I wonder how soon 
 he will be home. (Telephone rings and Ruth an- 
 swers.) Hello yes, this is Ruth Hardnock 
 
 A telegram for me ? yes, read it please yes, 
 
 all right, thank you. (Hangs up receiver.) Oh, 
 Betty ! It's a telegram from Jack. He's at Junction 
 City now and will be home on Number Five. 
 
 Betty. The telegram must have been delayed. 
 It's nearly train time now. 
 
 Ruth. Yes, oh, I'm so excited. Will you go with 
 me and meet him at the train? 
 
 Betty. Surely, if you care to have me. (They 
 hurriedly put on hats, powder faces and fix hair.) 
 But we must hurry. 
 
 Ruth. Can you see any powder? I know I look 
 a perfect fright. 
 
 Betty. Oh, come on. You look all right. Jack 
 will be so glad to see you he will never notice how 
 you look. Men never do, anyway. Hurry, or we will 
 be too late. 
 
 (Exit c. D.) 
 
 Mike (sticks head in from press room). More copy. 
 (Enters and looks around.) May the Saints presarve 
 us if they haven't all gone and quit. Th' Printers' 
 Onion must have called a shtrike. Nobody on th' job 
 and the paper comes out th' morn. (Looks over pile 
 of copy on Bob's desk.) Sure, an' if Jack ever sees 
 one of these papers he'll die of morteefykashun an' 
 th' Germans won't have the throuble of killin' him at 
 all, at all. 
 
 (Enter Jack c. d. Wears soldier's uniform and carries 
 small grip.) 
 
 Jack. Hello, Mike ! Who is that the Germans are 
 going to kill ? 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 49 
 
 Mike. Well, fer th' love of Moike, St. Pether, St. 
 Paul and St. Louis. {Shakes hands.) Where in th' 
 world did ye drop from, Jack? 
 
 Jack. I received a short furlough rather unex- 
 pectedly and so I started for home at once. I sent 
 Ruth a telegram from Junction City saying that I 
 would be in on Number Five, but later received an 
 invitation to come across country in an automobile and 
 here I am. I suppose the girls are at the station now; 
 to meet me. Well, how is everything going? 
 
 Mike. Why, from just medium to fairly middlin\ 
 Bob's out now try in' to scare up something to fill up th' 
 paper with for th' morn. Nothin' much to write about 
 except the potash craze and ye can't fill up a whole 
 paper on potash. 
 
 Jack. Oh, I don't know. Few people realize what 
 that potash discovery will mean to this country. By 
 the way, Mike, I haven't seen a copy of the Sandburn 
 Echo since I left. It seems rather strange, but not a 
 single copy ever reached me. 
 
 Mike. Yis, 'tis shtrange, seem' as how none was 
 ever sent. Ye see, Bob said he thought ye would 
 make a betther soldier if ye didn't see one. To tell th' 
 exact truth about the matter the paper hasn't been 
 anythin' t' brag about since ye left. 
 
 Jack. I see! Poor Bob! He must be having 
 rather a hard time of it. (Picks up paper and puts it 
 in coat pocket.) Here's one of last week's papers. 
 I'll take it along and look it over before lunch. 
 
 Mike. Betther have loonch first an' then look over 
 th' paper. Tis li'ble t' shpoil yer appetite. 
 
 (Enter Bob c. d. writing in note-book. He sits at 
 desk and continues to write without seeing Jack 
 and Mike.) 
 
 Jack (slaps Bob on back). Hello, Bob! 
 
 Bob (jumps and nearly falls over backwards). 
 Holy smoke, Jack! Hello! (Shakes hands.) Well, 
 this surely is a surprise. Where in the world did you 
 spring from? 
 
50 "A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Jack. Home on furlough. We were here when you 
 came in but you were so engrossed in your story that 
 you did not notice us. It must be something very 
 interesting. 
 
 Bob. Interesting! I should say it is interesting. 
 Honestly, Jack, outside of the discovery of potash, it 
 is the first exciting thing that has happened since you 
 went away. Rib Jones' old cow. the one that has 
 been wandering from one end of the pasture lot to the 
 other end for the last ten years, has broken out and 
 strayed away. Just think of the tragedy of it. Half 
 the population of this town depend upon that cow for 
 their milk and butter. Just think of the suffering and 
 hunger that will result if she is not found. Think of 
 the poor hungry children crying for a glass of milk. 
 Think of all the hungry little kittens and pups that will 
 have to go without their supper. "Why, man, just think 
 of all the — but what's the use of thinking? It's just 
 the story we need to fill up the last half of this week's 
 paper. {Tears out large number of pages from note- 
 book and gives them to Mike.) There, I guess that 
 will keep you quiet for a little while. Set that up and 
 then go to press. If we can get the paper out before 
 they find the cow it will be a great scoop. 
 
 Mike. Foine, sure an' yer improvin'. Begora, the 
 old cow will make an editor out of ye yet. 
 
 {Exit to press room.) 
 
 Jack. I see you are getting the idea all right, Bob. 
 But what I want to talk to you about is this potash 
 proposition. That is the real reason I came home. I 
 heard over at Junction City that a bunch of grafters, 
 calling themselves the R. B. Skinem Real Estate Com- 
 pany, have swindled Mr. Hardnock out of his lake. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I believe there is a rumor to that effect. 
 
 Jack. Now see here, Bob, on the quiet, just be- 
 tween you and me, that lake is worth a million. It is 
 absolutely the finest grade of potash that we have 
 located. We must dig that bunch out and beat them 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 5 1 
 
 to it some way. Mr. Hardnock must not lose this 
 property if there is any way to prevent it. 
 
 Bob. I'm afraid it will be pretty hard to " beat 
 them to it " now. 
 
 Jack. Then we will beat them up, that's all. I've 
 found out, since I've been in the army, what it means 
 to be " hard boiled." I understand the gang is repre- 
 sented out here by some young scamp from the east. 
 Well, I'm going to get hard boiled with him, all rightj 
 and when we meet I'm going to give him the licking 
 of his life. 
 
 Bob. I wouldn't be too hard on him, Jack. He 
 may not be such a bad fellow after all. 
 
 Jack. Bad fellow ! As if robbing an old man of 
 a million dollars is not bad enough. No, sir! I tell 
 you, it makes me warm under the collar and I'm going 
 to make that fellow see stars. I've developed some 
 new upper cuts since I've been in training and I'm 
 going to try out some of them on his nose. 
 
 Bob. Surely you will give him a chance to explain 
 or something. 
 
 Jack. No, sir. There is nothing to explain. That 
 deal needs no explanation. Now show him to me and 
 I will do the rest. 
 
 Bob. But Jack, he might even be some friend of 
 yours. 
 
 Jack. He is no friend of mine, or at least if he 
 ever was one he is one no longer. We will ride that 
 fellow out of town on a rail. 
 
 Bob. Are you just naturally going to jump right 
 on him, the minute you see him, no matter w T ho he is ? 
 
 Jack. What's the matter with you ? I actually be- 
 lieve you are trying to shield the fellow. 
 
 Bob. Oh, no ! Not at all. Only don't hit him too 
 hard on the nose. It might spoil his face. 
 
 Jack. That scamp must be some friend of yours. 
 Very well, if you won't tell me who he is I will see 
 Mr. Hardnock and find out from him. They say all 
 he has so far is a contract and I intend to see that 
 that's all he ever gets. {Telephone rings. Bob 
 
52 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 reaches for it but Jack gets it first.) I will answer it, 
 
 Bob. It may be Ruth calling. {Talks.) Hello 
 
 yes, this is the Echo office The American Express 
 
 Company ? Oh, yes, what is it ? what's 
 
 that you say our ready prints from the State 
 
 Journal Company are there C. O. D Well, that's 
 
 funny All right, I'll attend to the matter right 
 
 away Good-bye ! {Hangs up receiver.) Say, 
 
 Bob, the agent at the express office says your ready 
 prints from the State Journal Company are there 
 C. O. D. What's the idea? 
 
 Bob. We got into a little mix-up with their account 
 and they got peeved because Betty failed to mail them 
 a check exactly on time. They're an awfully particular 
 bunch up there. 
 
 Jack. That's strange, they were always very liberal 
 with me. 
 
 Bob. I guess they don't like our way of doing busi- 
 ness. By the way, Jack, could you loan me four hun- 
 dred dollars for a few days? 
 
 Jack. I haven't the money right now, Bob, but I 
 think I could get it for you by the first of the month. 
 
 Bob. I would like very much to have it to-day if 
 possible. 
 
 Jack. I am sorry, but my surplus funds are all tied 
 up where I can't get at them. What do you want with 
 the money? 
 
 Bob. It's a secret, Jack, and I would rather you 
 did not ask me. But I am not going to spend it 
 foolishly. 
 
 Jack. I know you wouldn't, Bob. {Takes out 
 pocketbook.) I have fifty dollars here with me that I 
 can let you have if it will help you out. But won't 
 you tell me what you are going to do with it ? 
 
 Bob {takes money). Thanks for the lift, Jack. It 
 will help some. Yes, I will tell you. I have a little 
 deal on in potash myself. I am on the inside and 
 know where I can make some money. 
 
 Jack. Be careful what you do, Bob, and don't let 
 some strangers bunco you out of it. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 53 
 
 Bob. No danger of that. I am personally ac- 
 quainted with all the fellows in this deal and it is a 
 money-making proposition. 
 
 Jack. Have you had a report by some competent 
 person as to the quality of the potash ? 
 
 Bob. Yes, a friend of mine who is very competent 
 and trustworthy has given a very favorable report on 
 the proposition. Thanks again for the loan. I hope 
 to be able to repay you in a few days. 
 
 Jack. Don't mention it, old fellow, here's wishing 
 you luck. I think I'll walk down towards the station 
 and meet the girls. They may be on their way back 
 by now. I'll see you later. 
 
 (Exit c. d.) 
 
 Bob (counting his money). Fifty dollars ! That's 
 a long way from four hundred but still it's a start. 
 Hardnock beat me to the bank and fixed it so I couldn't 
 borrow a cent. I'll buy that bank some day and fire 
 the whole bunch. I'm sorry Jack came home just 
 now. He's liable to queer the whole deal. I hope he 
 won't carry out his threat and try out some of his 
 upper cuts on my nose. I wonder where I will get 
 that other three hundred and fifty. Hardnock will 
 never let the deal go through if he really thinks I 
 have the money. By George! I have it. I'll go to 
 the bank and get this fifty changed into forty one 
 dollar bills, put a ten on top and run the bluff. Rather 
 risky, but it's worth trying. (Puis money in pocket 
 and starts for c. d. Laughter heard outside.) Here 
 they come. Hardnock and all. Me for the back door. 
 
 (Exit press room.) 
 
 (Enter Ruth, Jack, Betty, Hardnock.) 
 
 Ruth. Your telegram certainly was a surprise. 
 We didn't expect you for several days. 
 Jack. I was rather surprised myself. We received 
 
54 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 sudden orders to leave for an eastern camp and I was 
 granted a furlough sooner than I expected. You may 
 be sure I lost no time in starting for home. 
 
 Betty. What do you. think of army life by this 
 time ? 
 
 Jack. Oh, it's great if you like it. It's a little 
 rough at first, perhaps, on a rookie, but after running 
 errands all over camp for a while trying to borrow a 
 piece of skirmish line or some such stunt he soon gets 
 wise and then it isn't half bad. 
 
 Betty. You look so strong and grand in your new 
 uniform I could just hug you. 
 
 Jack. That will be perfectly satisfactory with me, 
 I am sure. 
 
 Ruth. Never mind, Betty, I will attend to all the 
 details myself. You see I have been learning some 
 army commands since Jack left. Now just listen to 
 this. (To Jack.) Attention! Extend arms. (Jack 
 extends his arms at the side. Ruth goes to him and 
 puts her arms about his neck.) Fold arms! (Jack 
 folds arms about her. ) Rest. 
 
 (Ruth lays her head on Jack's shoulder.) 
 
 Hardnock {coughs). Ahem! Ruth, I am ashamed 
 of you. Come here ! 
 
 Ruth. Oh, Jack doesn't care, father. 
 
 Jack. No, I don't care, father. 
 
 Hardnock. Father! {Louder.) Father! Don't 
 you " father " me, young man. You seem to forget 
 that I have forbidden this marriage. 
 
 Ruth. Oh, no, father, he hasn't forgotten it; he 
 just ignores it. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, one thing sure, neither of you 
 will ever have the chance to ignore any of my money. 
 
 Jack. Let's not discuss that just now, Mr. Hard- 
 nock. {Goes toward Hardnock.) My principal 
 object in coming home at this time was to consult 
 with you and see if I could assist you with your potash 
 proposition. 
 
 Hardnock. I don't want to consult with anybody. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 55 
 
 Besides, thanks to some of your very special friends, 
 I am not even sure that I have a potash proposition to 
 consult about. 
 
 Jack. I heard at Junction City that a bunch of 
 grafters had swindled you out of your lake. 
 
 Hardnock. Swindled! (Angrily.) Swindled! 
 Why, man, they simply stole it from me in broad day- 
 light. And it wouldn't surprise me a bit to find out 
 that you had a hand in the deal yourself. 
 
 Betty. Oh, no, Mr. Hardnock, Jack had nothing 
 to do with it. He didn't even know that we — that is — 
 I mean that you had sold your lake. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, the deal isn't closed yet and I 
 don't think it ever will be. All they have so far is a 
 contract and that is all they ever will get if I can 
 help it. 
 
 Jack. Then the deal isn't closed? 
 
 Hardnock. No. They have a contract calling for 
 final settlement to-day upon payment of four hundred 
 dollars. They have not been able to raise the money 
 so far and I have been at the bank and fixed it so 
 they can't borrow a cent there. 
 
 Jack. Four hundred dollars ! Why, that property 
 is worth a million. I understand that Skinem Com- 
 pany is represented out here by some young fellow 
 from the east and you insinuated that some of my 
 friends were connected with the swindle. Who is this 
 man and who are the friends you refer to? 
 
 Betty. Let's not talk business now. That can wait 
 until after supper, when you men are by yourselves. 
 Tell us some more about your army life, Jack. 
 
 Hardnock. No, we will talk business now and if 
 there is anybody here who doesn't care to listen they 
 are at liberty to leave. (To Jack.) And now, sir, 
 since you pretend to be so innocent as to who this 
 young scoundrel is, I take great pleasure in announc- 
 ing that it is your slippery, good-for-nothing Bolshe- 
 viki friend, Mr. White. 
 
 Jack. What, Bob? Impossible. I will never be- 
 lieve it, 
 
56 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Hardnock. And I might also add that your trusted 
 assistant, Miss Hart, has become so infatuated with 
 him that she is assisting him in his dirty work. 
 
 Jack. Betty, do you know anything about this 
 transaction ? 
 
 Betty. Yes, I have heard a little about it. 
 
 Jack. Is this report about Bob true ? 
 
 Betty. If you mean the report that Bob represents 
 the R. B. Skinem Real Estate Company I will say 
 " yes." But there was no swindle that I know of. 
 Their transaction with Mr. Hardnock was a simple 
 out-and-out business proposition. He named his price 
 and Bob paid it. Isn't that all right ? 
 
 Jack. It would be right, perhaps, under certain 
 conditions, but it is not right when he knew that the 
 property he was buying was worth many times what 
 he was paying for it. 
 
 Betty. It looks to me like a very shrewd business 
 transaction. 
 
 Jack. And so you defend him in it. I suppose you 
 also expect a share of the booty. Is that the idea ? 
 
 Ruth. Jack ! You have no right to talk like that 
 to Betty. Perhaps Bob did not know the value of the 
 lake at the time he bought it. 
 
 Jack. No one would come way out here and buy a 
 lot of dirty water unless they had something in mind. 
 Besides if he did not know the value of the property 
 before he bought it and wants to be on the square, why 
 doesn't he make it right with Mr. Hardnock and return 
 the contract? 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, that's the idea. Why doesn't he 
 return the contract? 
 
 {Telephone rings. Jack answers.) 
 
 Jack. Hello this is the Sandbnrn Echo ...... 
 
 Oh, yes, Mr. Stanton, what is it ? You say our 
 
 bank account is overdrawn? That's strange 
 
 I see by the way, who signed that hundred dollar 
 
 check you mentioned ? I see all right, I 
 
 will cover it right away Good-bye. {Hangs up 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 57 
 
 receiver.) Mr. Stanton says that our account is over- 
 drawn at the bank. It seems that Bob has been mak- 
 ing good use of his time. He checked out that hun- 
 dred dollars I left to pay current expenses with before 
 I was hardly out of town. By the way, Betty, did 
 you get that error with the State Journal Company 
 corrected ? 
 
 Betty. I didn't know there was an error. 
 
 Jack. I didn't suppose you did. The ready prints 
 are at the express office now. Came C. O. D. Bob 
 said it was because you had made an error in their 
 account. That's the second lie I have caught him in 
 since I came home and still you claim he is on the 
 square. 
 
 Ruth. Jack, you ought to be ashamed of yourself 
 to lose faith in your best friends the way you have, 
 without something more tangible than the complaints 
 of a man who has received the worst end of a bar- 
 gain. Why don't you see Bob and ask him for an 
 explanation ? 
 
 Hardnock. There is nothing to explain. Didn't 
 they swipe his money? Didn't they run his paper in 
 debt? Isn't their account overdrawn at the bank and 
 are not their supplies coming in C. O. D. ; to say noth- 
 ing of trying to rob me of a million dollars? What 
 better evidence do you want than facts? You can't 
 explain facts. 
 
 Jack. I want to hear no more about it. Bob has 
 been a great disappointment to me, and it hurts me 
 more to think that Betty should defend him in it. As 
 for my money, I shall drop the matter and charge it 
 up to profit and loss, but I can never allow them to 
 get away with Mr. Hardnock's property, if I can pre- 
 vent it. You say final settlement is to be made to-day ? 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, but I don't think that he can raise 
 the money. Still I am not very comfortable about it. 
 He is such a shrewd slicker that you can never tell 
 what he will do next. 
 
 Jack. He is after the money all right. I loaned 
 him fifty dollars of it myself. 
 
58 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Hardnock. The dickens you did. What in thun- 
 der did you do that for ? 
 
 Jack. I had no reason to suspect anything wrong. 
 Have you tried to buy him off ? 
 
 Hardnock. Yes, and he will surrender the con- 
 tract for the small sum of fifty thousand dollars. 
 
 Jack. Fifty thousand! He doesn't want much, 
 does he? 
 
 Hardnock. Simply a small compensation to reim- 
 burse him somewhat for his trouble and loss of time. 
 
 Jack. At the same time the property is worth the 
 money and if you see that the deal is going through 
 you can't afford to lose it for a hundred thousand. 
 
 Betty. Oh, I think fifty thousand will be plenty, 
 thank you. 
 
 Jack. By the way, Mr. Hardnock, how did a 
 shrewd, cunning business man like you ever come to 
 let a greenhorn like Bob put a deal like that over 
 on you? 
 
 Hardnock. Ahem — that is — well, you see, how was 
 I to know the darn lake was full of potash ? 
 
 Betty. No, he was trying to be on the square by 
 skinning Bob out of about five hundred dollars of good 
 hard-earned money, by selling him a lake for several 
 times what he thought it was worth. 
 
 (Enter Bob c. d.) 
 
 Bob (greeting them heartily). Hello, everybody I 
 Fine day if it don't rain. (Nobody answers and he 
 looks around inquiringly. Betty busily turns the 
 pages of a ledger. Ruth reads a paper. Jack turns 
 his back and Hardnock gazes at the ceiling with his 
 nose in the air.) Why so glum, everybody? Who's 
 dead? (Nobody anszuers.) Is that so? I hadn't 
 heard about it. When is the funeral? (Nobody an- 
 swers.) You don't say so. (Bob goes to Hardnock 
 and tries to see what he is looking at.) What's the 
 matter, old boy? Do you see an air ship or has your 
 gout settled in your neck? (No answer.) Don't every- 
 body talk at once like that ; it makes me nervous. (Bob 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 59 
 
 goes to Betty.) You seem to be very busy to-day, 
 Betty. 
 
 Betty. Don't disturb me, Mr. White. (Sarcastic- 
 ally.) I am looking for that error with the State 
 Journal you were telling Jack about. 
 
 Bob (whistles). Oh, I see! How did he come to 
 tell you about that ? 
 
 Jack (turning to Bob). Bob, you don't know how 
 surprised and grieved I am to find that you, who I 
 would have trusted with my very last penny, have 
 turned against me and pulled off a deal like this. 
 
 Bob. Oh, that's all right, Jack. You don't under- 
 stand, that's all. And I can't explain very well right 
 now, either. But it's all right. Just leave everything 
 to me and don't worry. 
 
 Hardnock. Leave everything to you ! Young man, 
 it seems to me that you have already taken most of it. 
 
 Bob. Yes, and I'm going to take fifty thousand 
 more in a few minutes. And that brings me to the 
 point. I am ready now to make final settlement on 
 that contract. If you want the property back, now is 
 the time to get it. If not, I have the money ready 
 and we will close the deal at once. 
 
 Hardnock. You can't run a bluff like that on me. 
 (Takes paper from coat pocket.) Here's your deed. 
 Now let's see the money. 
 
 Bob. Very well, just as you say. I was simply 
 giving you one more chance, that's all. (Takes roll of 
 bills from his pocket consisting of thirty-nine one dol- 
 lar bills, with a ten dollar bill on top. ) There you are. 
 Just take a squint at that. Isn't that a sight for sore 
 eyes? Notice that little ten spot there. (Flips bills 
 with finger and thumb.) And there are exactly thirty- 
 nine more of Uncle Sam's due bills of the same size 
 underneath. You thought you had it fixed so I couldn't 
 raise the money, didn't you ? Well, it was rather hard 
 at first but Jack, here, started the subscription with 
 fifty dollars and the rest was easy. 
 
 Jack. Bob, can't I persuade you to abandon this 
 scheme to rob Mr. Hardnock? You can't afford to 
 
60 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 sell your reputation and your character for twice the 
 amount you are asking. Consider what it will mean 
 before it is too late. 
 
 Bob. No, Jack, I have gone too far to stop now. 
 Besides the rest of the company might sue me for 
 damages. But it's all right. You don't know half 
 what's been going on while you were away. 
 
 Jack. I seem to be finding out pretty fast. 
 
 Hardnock. I don't believe he has got the money. 
 (Holds hand out for money.) Here, let me count it. 
 
 Bob. All right, but let's do the thing in a business- 
 like manner. (Bob steps to print room entrance and 
 calls Mike.) Oh, Mike! 
 
 Mike (off stage). Yis, sor! 
 
 Bob. Come here a moment, will you? (Enter Mike 
 from print room.) Just count those bills. (Bob 
 hands him the money.) I am going to hand them to 
 Mr. Hardnock and I want you to see that he doesn't 
 slip out some on me. Do you find them correct ? 
 
 Mike. Yis, sor, begora they're all there. 
 
 (Hands money to Bob.) 
 
 Bob (to Mike). Very well, now please notice that 
 they are all United States Gold Certificates and are 
 legal tender for all obligations anywhere in the United 
 States. I owe this money to Mr. Hardnock in settle- 
 ment of a certain contract. If he accepts this money 
 when I offer it to him I want you for a witness, as 
 that will close the deal and the property is mine. If 
 he refuses to take it, then I will have made him a legal 
 tender and the contract will be fulfilled the same as if 
 he had accepted it. Do you understand ? 
 
 Mike. Yis, sor. If he takes it you get it and if he 
 don't take it you get it anyway. Begora, he had 
 better take it. 
 
 Hardnock. Hold on a minute, gosh darn it, you're 
 getting too technical. I'll give you twenty-five thou- 
 sand to let me off. 
 
 Bob. I am very sorry, but I can't consider any- 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 6 1 
 
 thing less than my first offer. Give me a check for 
 fifty thousand and we will call it square. 
 
 Hardnock. Not by a long shot. You can't rob 
 me like that. What do you say, Jack, shall I offer him 
 forty thousand? 
 
 Jack. I hate to see you do it, Mr. Hardnock, but 
 if the sample I tested for them is a fair specimen you 
 can't afford to let it go for twice that amount. 
 
 Hardnock. Well then, darn it all, I'll give you 
 forty thousand but not one cent more. 
 
 Bob. Very well, then the deal is off and here is 
 your money. (Starts to hand money to Hardnock.) 
 
 Hardnock. Hold on a minute; don't get so 
 bloomin' fast. I'll give you your price but it's a plain 
 robbery, that's what it is. Give me a check book. 
 
 Bob. Certainly. (Takes check from pocket.) 
 Here is one already made out. Just sign on the 
 dotted line, please. 
 
 Hardnock (signs check). It seems to me you were 
 all-fired sure you were going to make a bargain. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I thought you would come across, all 
 right. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, there's your check. Now give 
 me the contract and then get out of my sight. 
 
 (Hands Bob check.) 
 
 Bob. Thanks fifty thousand times, Mr. Hardnock. 
 (Takes contract from pocket.) And now before turn- 
 ing over this contract I wish you would just call up 
 the bank and tell Mr. Stanton that you have given me 
 this check and that it is all O. K. 
 
 Hardnock. That is not necessary. He knows my 
 signature. 
 
 Bob. Perhaps it is not necessary, but I am getting 
 awfully darn suspicious lately. (Calls bank on the 
 
 telephone.) Give me the Sandburn Bank, please 
 
 Hello, is this the bank? Mr. Stanton talking? 
 
 Hold the 'phone, please, here is a party that wishes to 
 speak with you. (To Hardnock.) Here you are, 
 Mr. Hardnock. He is on the line. 
 
62 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 (Hands 'phone to Hardnock.) 
 
 Hardnock (talks in 'phone). Hello Stan- 
 ton ? This is John Hardnock, yes I 
 
 have just given Mr. Robert White a check for fifty 
 
 thousand dollars Yes, the check is all right and 
 
 you will please handle it for him All right, good- 
 bye. (Hangs up receiver.) 
 
 Bob. Thank you, and here is your contract. (Hands 
 him paper. ) I wish you success in your undertaking, 
 but it is a pretty high price to pay for a lake. 
 
 Hardnock. Now get out of my sight, you thief, 
 you robber, you grafter. 
 
 Bob. Why say, you old fox, if you weren't the 
 father of the sweetheart of a special friend of mine 
 
 I'd That's not robbery according to your 
 
 standards. That's just a sample of your brand of 
 shrewd, cunning business ingenuity. I take great 
 pleasure in leaving you at this time. Betty, do you 
 care to walk to the bank with me to cash this check ? 
 
 Betty. Certainly, Bob. Perhaps you will buy me 
 a diamond or something. 
 
 Bob. By the way, Jack, there is that fifty you 
 loaned me. (Hands Jack the roll of bills.) I don't 
 need it any longer. Thanks. I had it changed into 
 one dollar bills just for looks. (Starts for door. Turns 
 and speaks to Hardnock.) By the way, Mr. Hard- 
 nock, I wouldn't bother about building a mill on that 
 property. It will hardly pay you. You see I only had 
 a few loads of potash dumped in along the shore in 
 order to get a good test. So long, everybody. 
 
 (Exit Bob and Betty, c. d.) 
 
 Hardnock. Buncoed, by gosh ! 
 
 Jack. One dollar bills and he only had fifty dollars 
 all the time. 
 
 Hardnock. Thunder! Mike, confound you, I 
 thought you counted those bills. 
 
 Mike. Sure and I did. I said they were all there, 
 didn't I? And begora, they were all the same size, 
 too. 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 63 
 
 Jack. You have the contract in your possession. 
 Telephone the bank and stop payment on the check. 
 
 Ruth (grabbing telephone). That would not be 
 fair. You must not do it. 
 
 Jack. Fair! Have they been fair? Quick, Mr. 
 Hardnock, the telephone. 
 
 Ruth (as Hardnock starts for 'phone). No, I 
 say. It is not right. 
 
 Hardnock. Ruth, I am surprised at you. Give me 
 that telephone at once. (Takes telephone from Ruth.) 
 
 Hello, hello central, give me the Sandburn Bank 
 
 yes, hurry Hello, is this Mr. Stanton? (Mike 
 
 cuts the wires leading to the telephone with a big pair 
 of printer's shears.) This is John Hardnock. I want 
 you to stop payment on that hello ! (Shakes re- 
 ceiver hook.) Hello central, hello central, some- 
 thing's wrong. We're cut off. 
 
 Mike. Begora, me shears shlipped and cut the 
 wire. 
 
 Jack. Mike, what do you mean by cutting those 
 wires ? 
 
 Mike. Begora, I'm a member of the gang, meself. 
 
 Hardnock. Well, you can't come one over me like 
 that. I'll go to the bank myself. (He rushes to the 
 door c. d. and shakes it furiously.) Confound it, they 
 have locked us in. I'll try the back door. 
 
 (He rushes out of the door leading to press room. In 
 his hurry he upsets a chair and pushes Mike out of 
 his way against another chair over which Mike 
 falls.) 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
ACT HI 
 
 SCENE. — Same as Act I. Discovered Jack and 
 Ruth. Jack sits at his desk, thinking and tapping 
 the desk with his fingers. A deep frown is on his 
 face and he appears very angry. Ruth sits on top 
 of the other desk reading a newspaper which she 
 holds upside down. From time to time she glances 
 over the paper, smiling at Jack, and quickly ducks 
 her head as he moves. 
 
 Ruth. Jack! {No answer.) Oh, Jack! Are you 
 still mad? 
 
 Jack {angrily). Ruth, what's the matter with 
 everybody around here? Has the whole bunch gone 
 crazy ? 
 
 Ruth. Well, yes, you might say so, in a way. You 
 see Bob's crazy about Betty and she's simply wild 
 about him. And then, of course, I'm daffy about 
 you, Mike's raving all the time for more copy and 
 even Dad is mad because he bought a gold brick. 
 
 Jack. It seems to me that your actions call for 
 some kind of an explanation. 
 
 Ruth. Explaining is such a hard matter. I just 
 hate to explain things, and besides I promised Bob 
 that I would let him attend to that himself. 
 
 Jack. Bob and I are through as far as I am con- 
 cerned. He has turned traitor to me and I can't see 
 why you uphold him in his actions. I feel sorry for 
 your father and I hate to think that it was one of my 
 friends who swindled him. 
 
 Ruth. ^ I don't pity him in the least. He brought 
 it upon himself and he deserves just exactly what he 
 got. Hasn't he always preached business shrewdness 
 in place of honesty? Hasn't he always bragged about 
 how he could put it over on somebody? And didn't 
 
 6 4 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 65 
 
 he even advise you to do a little crooked work yourself 
 in order to make money? He has just swallowed a 
 dose of his own medicine and he doesn't like it very 
 well, either. 
 
 Jack. I still have hopes that he will get to the 
 bank in time to stop the check. 
 
 Ruth. No danger of that. Believe me, Bob will 
 waste no time in getting that check cashed. He has 
 use for the money. 
 
 (Enter Hardnock. He is out of breath, has a black 
 eye and his clothing is in a disheveled condition.) 
 
 Hardnock (limping and holding his head). Oh, 
 my eye! Oh, my nose! 
 
 Ruth. Father! (Goes to him.) What is the 
 matter ? 
 
 Jack. Are you hurt? 
 
 Hardnock. Am I hurt? No, young man. I've 
 just been making up for a masquerade ball. 
 
 Ruth. What happened, father ? 
 
 Hardnock. I was in such a confounded hurry to 
 get to the bank that I got all tangled up with a lady, a 
 dog and a baby carriage. We all went sprawling on 
 the sidewalk together with the dog on the bottom and 
 me next to the dog. 
 
 Ruth. I hope it is nothing serious. 
 
 Hardnock. Oh, no ! Nothing serious. Just a few 
 hundred minor injuries, to say nothing of a few broken 
 ribs and noses. 
 
 Ruth. Not noses, father. Just nose. 
 
 Jack. Did you reach the bank in time to stop the 
 check ? 
 
 Hardnock. No, confound it. By the time I got 
 untangled from that mass of squirming dogs and 
 women, the villains were just coming out of the door 
 and they actually had the nerve to stand there and 
 laugh at me. 
 
 Ruth. You do look rather funny, father. 
 
 Hardnock. And you side in with them. Here I 
 am, half killed and swindled out of my money until 
 
66 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 I haven't enough left to pay the doctor's bill and still 
 you stand there and laugh. 
 
 Ruth. It's too bad, father. I really and truly feel 
 sorry for you. Perhaps you can borrow some money 
 from Bob. 
 
 Hardnock. Bob ! Never mention that name to me 
 again, I tell you. I never want to hear of him again. 
 
 (Enter Bob and Betty.) 
 
 Bob. Hello, Mr. Harnock, were you asking for 
 me? 
 
 Hardnock. No, I wasn't asking for you. I 
 thought I told you to get out and stay out. 
 
 Bob. Yes, I know, but I came in to ask your 
 pardon. I really owe you an apology, Mr. Hardnock, 
 for laughing at you the way I did and I am very, very 
 sorry, but you did look so funny and when that dog 
 began to — — (Bob bursts out laughing.) Ha-ha-ha — 
 
 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha When that dog began to 
 
 w ig Ha-ha-ha-ha — Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha 
 
 Hardnock (picks up chair and threatens Bob). See 
 here, young man, you may be able to beat me in a 
 bargain but you can't stand there and laugh at me 
 like that. 
 
 Bob. Certainly not, Mr. Hardnock. I am ashamed 
 of myself, and I'll try and not do so again. Just put 
 that chair down and sit in it. You'll look more com- 
 fortable and I'll feel more comfortable. You see I 
 really came here to see Jack. (Turns to Jack.) 
 Jack, I am sorry we had to make you lose faith in the 
 whole bunch around here and in order to win back 
 your good will the R. B. Skinem Real Estate Company 
 presents you with this bank book. (Takes small book 
 from his pocket and gives it to Jack.) It contains a 
 small deposit, subject to your check, which we hope 
 you will accept and use it as you may see fit. 
 
 Jack (looking at book). A bank book. I don't 
 understand. (Glances at deposit entry.) Fifty thou- 
 sand dollars in my name. What does this mean? 
 
 Ruth. It means that you have been misjudging 
 
A DEAL IN DUCKS 67 
 
 your best friends and that they have really been 
 working all this while for our interests. 
 
 Jack. For our interests ? 
 
 Ruth (pulls at button on Jack's coat). Yes, don't 
 you remember father promised that we could get 
 married when you had fifty thousand dollars in the 
 bank? 
 
 Jack. Yes. I believe he did make that promise. 
 
 Ruth. Well, now you've got it and you are not 
 going back on your bargain, are you ? 
 
 Jack. Well, I should say not. ( Gives Ruth a hug 
 and then goes and shakes Bob's hand. ) Bob, old boy, 
 forgive me. I almost doubted you for a minute, but 
 you must admit I had reason. 
 
 Bob. That's all right, Jack. I'll admit it did look 
 a little suspicious. 
 
 Jack. And what do you say about it, Mr. Hard- 
 nock? 
 
 Hardnock. It's all right. It's all right. I saw 
 through it all the time, only I just didn't let on, that's 
 all. As for you and Ruth, I intended that you should 
 get married all the time. In fact I w r ould much prefer 
 that she did not marry a man who had fifty thousand 
 dollars. It might spoil her. 
 
 Jack. I see, especially when that fifty thousand is 
 your money. Well, under those conditions I'll just 
 hand you back a check for forty thousand dollars in 
 order to overcome that objection. 
 
 Hardnock. Thanks. I shall feel easier now over 
 her future that I know she will not be spoiled with 
 too much money right at first. (Coughs.) Ahem! 
 In regard to the other ten thousand? 
 
 Jack. I think I shall keep that just for the present 
 and build that little nest you promised us when we 
 had the fifty raised. We will build a cozy little house 
 with a big old-fashioned room in it for you when you 
 retire. 
 
 Hardnock. And I am going to retire right now if 
 I can get that young rogue there (indicating Bob) to 
 take over the management of my affairs. 
 
68 A DEAL IN DUCKS 
 
 Bob. If you can get me? You've got me ! What's 
 the salary? 
 
 Hardnock. Salary left to you, my boy. Any- 
 body who is able to sell John Hardnock a bowl of 
 dirty water for fifty thousand dollars the way you did 
 can name his own salary. You are just slick enough 
 to suit me. 
 
 Bob. All right, it's a bargain, but Jack will have to 
 find a new assistant. Betty has just promised to stop 
 pounding the typewriter and take a new job pounding 
 beefsteak for me. 
 
 Betty. And Bob has promised to stop beating peo- 
 ple and take a new job beating rugs. 
 
 Ruth. Isn't that fine ? And we'll build a house, a 
 great big house. One side will be for Jack and me; 
 the other side will be for Bob and Betty, and we will 
 put father's room in the middle to keep us from quar- 
 reling. 
 
 Betty. And in the evening we'll sit on the porch of 
 our house by the side of the road and watch the cows 
 and the pigs go by. 
 
 {Enter Mike.) 
 
 Jack. And here comes Mike. Mike, is there time 
 to get a couple of wedding announcements in this 
 week's paper? 
 
 Mike. No, sor, yer too late. The forms are all 
 made up and we're ready to go. 
 
 Bob. All right, Mike. We'll soon be with you. 
 And now if the good people will excuse us we will go 
 to press. 
 
 (Ruth and Jack and Bob and Betty embrace.) 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
Successful Plays for All Girls 
 
 In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 
 
 YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts. 
 by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
 plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time m 
 playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- 
 ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
 young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 
 sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
 When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
 the physician is a' female practitioner. 
 
 SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
 Dumont. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
 fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
 of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
 Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
 and they institute a similar organization. 
 
 A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
 tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- - 
 acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, o»*e 
 hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy . interiors and one stre£ et 
 scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, M>*ss 
 Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding positioM-" 
 Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work £ >r >d 
 school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. 
 
 HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
 in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters.^ 
 Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
 Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
 deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
 the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
 ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
 Maude sees. Mabel has a secret, she coaxes' and Mabel tells her. 
 But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
 friend and so the secret travels. 
 
 THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
 by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
 characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
 iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
 play is located at a summer resort Alice Graham, in order to 
 chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
 her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
 of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
 Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many, obstacles, furnish 
 an evening of rare enjoyment. 
 
\nmmmm 0HGRESS ■ 
 
 016 102 687 6 
 
 Unusually Good Entertainments 
 
 Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
 Your Next Program 
 
 A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKXEY'S. An En- 
 
 tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and 
 seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- 
 out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By the 
 author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill 
 School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have 
 planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently, 
 graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs,: 
 conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises* 
 the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. 
 
 JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 
 jEdward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with 
 supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the 
 parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple 
 interior ; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. 
 Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel 
 features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every 
 
 chapter has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are 
 
 many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. 
 
 ?HE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in On« 
 Act, py Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or 
 roay je all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so 
 that pur persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. 
 Simp>e street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent 
 •f *V sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the 
 roacliine. - A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous 
 ch£ rac ters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- 
 /■'.iig-gun stream of rollicking repartee. 
 
 THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original 
 Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eighteen males 
 and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. 
 Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played 
 in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is 
 nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily 
 produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost 
 any number of good parts. 
 
 THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter- 
 tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen 
 females and one male. The male part may be played by a 
 female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or 
 more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery 
 nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Can 
 easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. 
 
 BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 
 Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
 and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
 ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations 
 which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire 
 fun from start to finish.