r PS 635 .Z9 M562 Copy b 3 r riJfflOD DICK, A ROAD-A(IENT ! A DRA^MA OF THIS GOLD MINES. BY EDWARD L. WHEELER. Eiitei-fd according to Act of Congress, in tlit^ year 1880, by EDWARD L. WIIFJEI.ER. In the Office oftlie Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. All rights reserved- I AVOGA, N. Y., PUBLISHER. \ . « ♦ - . WARXING: — Any parties producing before the public, or Managers allowing to be i)roduced, the above play, or any of its contents, will be prooecntcd to the full extent of the law, regarding copyrights. \ -^ ..P92-oo-r5'^-' f%^ ^^^'^^'^ CHARACTERS : ])KAn\VO<)r) IH'MC, •,< ro;id .i-.'ut i C\r,.i ^U^Y' -l V^V:, t il.rl-.;> ' -t • COL. YASlv Y17IM,ii Yt.nk z^' >\vu y.llr^. N'.VNCIO riJKAvH Vin.'.-irtr OOVHIlNOll CVS i'l.RTOX, ikhclic: FLKTCHFJl F VliLlCV. u htnivy vil! (iliAVEYAlU) (tL:0!1(:JE, a Ix^vlKm- EIMIEL CASTLfOrON, tii- lion-^s-^. EUWIN J50OT1I SNOWKA n;K. ^. . PATSY :.ni!.Ll(zAX, -I l>;if-KvUrr. rUETZKL PETE, iiruviric^oi- ..f tli. FKEI> OASTJ^ETON', :i ii)i'u; ovvtiei' JU1)CtEL\N(H, a.Slicriir. CAP, CUri'miOAT, ;t r.>l)i)nr. LIEUT. BUEE/.E. Jim .Mish.^r, Old l?av,!r\v')0:if:, 0\'\ Avalaiiiihi', r^:tin Stumper, Judc R:in2;s, Tim..thv8.;ra-.^^:>n.l -lohii il.'lty. GENERAL COSTUMES :~F I UST : For tlie Opoiuiig Soon.e each man shall bo atri;-.-.:! v.\ half-misk, slouch plumed hat, pimietl up at loft side, top !)r).)ts.ti.ai;hiiig to or aDove knee, (lurk coat, vesi; and >)ants, cii.'Lisfc i^i bio:; le.ijs, belt around waist ooataiiiiug knifo u.id revolver.s, large size. SECOND : The other scenes to be costumed i;i charactoi", . with red end ; large sized eye-glasses ; Dutch cap. Patsy Mulligan:— Trisli shiilalfli; old suit; battered plug hnt; whiskers under chin ; Irish wig. E. B. Snowuaniv:— Burlesfj^ue song and dance slioes witli long boot le;;s attached; 'tight' striped trowsers; yellow vest witli belt con- taining knife; swallow-tail coat buttoned tight round waist; lialf of a rarged duster divided through back; immense stantlup col- hu-; old plug liaL minus the crowji. JJanjo slung to his !):ick; camp stool hung to his hip, Ethel Castleton:— Short walking skirt, stockings and slippers, sliawl, jaunty hat, etc. Judge Lynch:— Common suit, top boots, weapons, sandy wig. mustache and goatee; sloucli hat; handcuffs. LiEiT. BreKze:— (See first gen'l costumes) mustache, black. Fia:i) Castleton:— " " " " light, :ind im- perial and gr;iy beard. AD. LIB. CUAHAUTEUS. In addition to lirst general costumes, must have rough suits.sloga boots, old hats, full beards, etc. XoricE: — Eich performer must have a trunk of suiricient size to :arry ;ill hi.s c)wu wardrobe and properties, as there will be no prop- rty box, owing to groat similarity of elfects. MANiLGEU. STAGi3 DIRECTIONS. Perfanjier supijosed to be facing the footlights. 1 K. E., rirst Right Entrance. I 1 L. E., First Left Entrance. 2 K. E., Second " '* | 2 L. E., Second " 3 K. E., Third " " j 3 l. e.. Third " R. c. E., Right of Centre " | l. c. e., Left of Centre " C. E.,. .. .Centre Entrance. DRAMA OF DEADWOOD DICK. r ACT I.— "Dsadwood Gulch.* Scene I: — Curtain Rises, disclosing the gulch; road-agents engaged in dancing. Lieut. Breeze stawling off by I l e looking on; road- agents dance 5 minutes; Breeze throws up left hand. BuEEZE. Hold! Enough of your revels, till tho c:ipt:iiii comes. T heard his voice but a moaient ago in the mountains, and lie will soon be Itero. Ah! I told 3'ou so; listen — his voice — and he is sing- iiig', too. D. Dick (heard in the distajice) Dashinj? along tnrongii the valley aufi vale. From the early ilawu till tke day grows pale; Into the pockets strewn witk flowers, Into the woodland's shady hewers; .Stopping anon by the bahhliug streams. Then darting on into rocky seaiHs; Free as the eagle in its fligfet. Cheerful in darkness, liapi-y in light: Hail to the life of the seout"gay and free. Such is the life that is suiting "to me. Chorus, by the 110 ad-agents : Away! away! o'er the raountains gay. From the early dawn, till the close of day; A hand of lawless brethren free, A jolly band of pilgrims, we. CALA5IITV (heard singing second verse, in distance.) Oft in the thickest of the fight. Racing the gauntlet in the night; Taming with spur the buckin cayuse. Profiting well by the storm's abuse; Paying one's way — taking no slack, Jiiting cold lead and sending it back; Free from care, constraint and woe, Ever alert to grapple foe; Ilail to the life of the ranger free. Such is the life ihat is suiting to me. Chorus by co. While singing koad-agents /or;» to either side of stage, face each other, folding left arm across breast and raising their hats. I 4 DEADWOOD I>1CK Ehiter Deadwood Dick 3 l. e., arul Calamity 3 k. e. Pick takes Calamity by lumd, then doffs hat to his men. Bkekzk (slandhiy off 1 i.. E.; Now, boys, givo him u welccnut . Throe cheiTs fur our linive and foirloss lenihr—hip! hip! Ijurniht KoAD-AOENTSjom ill thf ihcer^ D. Dick (standiny back c, with Cai-amity) Thanks, my gallnnt followors.for this thf .--aiue «)Ul \vt'l<-ouu' that gre«ts nif, on my every nturn. You may scfk y^ur (.avi rn. now. for two of your compan- ions have letuninl with :»s hanil^omc a pair cf hui ks as the mount- ains atibnl. You. loo, may go. Jjieuteiiant. to nturn in a few mo- ments, vvh( n I linvc something to inft»rm you of. Exit BuKEZE imd 1U)AD- AGENTS K. and L. E. l)icK (leadiny C ai.amvt\ fonvard to a rocky scat, near 1 u. e j And, m»w, my pretty Miss (Jal.amity. may I ask wluit brings you hire to my eagle's nest— you, wliom the peopU- of Deadwood will miss, jis a departeil ray of sunshine. Calamity. No djmg( r of that, Deadwood Di(k. Hat Iia! ha! I 11 bel lljere's mor«' as tries t(» miss me than tlu-re is what don't. I tell you I'm gettin' to be a had \ ill fer ftwis ter .swaller. Dick (xnMiny her on the shoulder) liut, nevertheless, a l)rave girl, CalaniilN . liuitid. it lias always been a matte)- of wonder to me, how you suiret'd in living there in that cursed town of Deadwood, and lighting oil' thr swarm ul human sharks who ev> r prey ui)on the Weak ami uiiproUrU'il. Cal. (Risiit'j (ind fid- in;/ hhn by thi: ann) (quizzlngly) So it puz- zles you dots il? It togs you to know iiow a liltie piece of iiumanity kteps out of a iifc ol disgr.-icc and temptation, Vause she ain't got no l)ig l)rotli(r to back hcr!^ Well — well- tiiey do talk about me, Dick, and say tilings that would make :i niulr biush— tlicm wliat liain't got any resp« ct fi i" nolHMh . Hut it don't hurt mc Oli! no! I s'peet they talk bec.iuse wiien 1 struck I)cadwood il was in breeches I saifed in to l)ecome a citiz- n. an' tiiar's them'll acknowledge I got thar, too. I hoi)c you tiont li'iievc I'm IkuI, l)ecause I ilress like a boy, Dick. Dick f/K'tr^i/?/; All! no. C.il.-imity— far from it From our first meeting I liave always bclicve«l you a brave uoble girl, pure even in your wild, reckless existence. Cal. (intensely) Heeaus(> you knew not u\\ past life. Siiall I tell you? Aye! I am in a mood iov confidence. You, 1 can trust, who lias ever been as a l)rother to me. It isn't a long story either, but ( I DEADWOOD DICK 5 oh! bitterness rises with its narration. Put it in a few In-icf cliap- ters. First: A young girl becomes fascinated witit a tourist, and is courted and aslved to marry. She seeks iier parent's (-(nisent — tliey refuse. Secoirl: A secret marriage follows then deserticjn by tlie tourist — discovery tiiat tiie marriage is a sham, botli by tlie victim and her parents. Tiiird: Tlie victim is (h-iven fi-om hi-r homi' onto the world, followed by a parental cufse. rihe adopts a male cos- tume, and wanders into tlie wiM lif ■ of the mines, in searcli of her betrayer. That is the history of Calamiiy -Jane in a nutsiiell. I have grown wild and untamed, since tiifn, hut (iod helping me, I have preserved what honor my destroyer leit me. You womler how I protect myself, then. I can easy eX; lain 1 lirst sla') the one in the moutii, wlio insults or slanders me^rh n, if that don't have the desired ettect of mending i.is ways, I tirr.w ;i revolver, and pop away at liim till lie's got enougli. One dose is g'Mier.illy enough to etiect a cure. Dick. Yes, my brave girl; especially wlien tlie dose is adminis- tered by a liand as steady as 3'onrs. But \'ou have not told me yet what brings you here — here in this mountain traj). which the Deac"- wood autiiorities would pay a handsome sum to discover? Cal. What should bring me here to be s u- >, 'xcf^pt a desire and a will to warn vou of impending danger. l)k-,x (iiiiprcs.iivih/) they are growing strong against yt)U. down in the tt>\vn. i'lieiu ;is pur- tends to boss the j)lace are swearin' bl.aek an' lilu ■ at you. because you toll tlie stages, and yet evade them. Dick (laughing Iwirsely) Let 'em swear. They must long ere this have discovered that no fear exists in the heart of Deadwo hI Dick for them, nor even a sliadow of respect. I uwj tiie people of Dead- wood notiiing Calamity, except a just spirit of eiMuity. Over two years ago, I came to this country, a peaceful miner. I staked out my claim, but they drove me from it, because I was alone and un- protected. Not despairing, f Ijought nie another claim but they also drove me from tliat. i'hen, smarting under tiie injustice done me, I registered an oath tiiat tlie golden guKhes that iiad known me as a peaceful weak-hanileil miner, siiould know me as a pt)vverful adversary — tiiat tlie pecjple wlio reaped tlie proiits from the claims that were legally mine, shoul; pay me a r.venue. 1 rallied aroUuu me a few sympathizing fellows a.s brave as lions and true as steel, and organized tlie band that subsequently l)ee;iiiie notorious as Deadwood Dick's road-agenls. We matle it our business to toil tlie treasure-box and.pocket-books of every stage that left Deadwood Gulch, bearing awav my rightful gold. Of i-ourse the people rose against us, and liunled us, but to no avail. Capture i.s they couid not. We were invincible, so far as safety was cone, rned I finally grew tired of the life, and posted placards throughout the mining country, offering to suspend Iiostillties if my claims be restored to 6 DEADWOOD DICK me. and my freedom nnd right be established as a citizt'ii again. You probably have hoard the result. They sent out a tlag of truce, and accepted my terms, on condition that we march into town, and throw down our arms. We did so, when we were instantly sur- rounded and an attempt wms made to mnke us prisoners. After a desperate resistance wc succeed" d in figliting them off, and made our escape— a mere h:indful only, full half of our i.umber having died in defense of their rights Since tlien, we have kept pretty closely to our retreat, in dctiance of tlie determined efforts that have been made to secure our ciiplure. We are no longer road-agents, for I have given ordci-s llnit no stage or stager be inole.«ted. In our niountiiin home, here we have struck i)ayiiig dirt, and if we are not molested, our notorii ty will be a thing oi the past. If however they still persist in l)iting a"t us, lliey c.-m but .-easonably expect that we shall bite back. C.\L. {cnthstastically shippini/ kin on shoulder) Bully fer you.Doiuiwooil Dick— bully (or yoi.. Oh! tli:it I was a in:in, so I could sail right iii and lick blazes out of every sa'^'^t \\ ht> votes agaiust you. You just l)et your ducats I'd make 'em thi .k old (Gabriel had arrived. But I hiiven't told you yet, why I came Ikto, to-d.iy. A new pilgrim has just sailed hiter Dead'wood — "an old galoot, uiiu'' yo'i, with white hair and mustache an' side whiskers, an' he's ilresseil up like a nabob, too. DICK. Ah I some eastt^ru speculator, probably ? CAL. {shainy her heal) Nixy. Jest you chalk it dowu he's a shark, an' ye want to look out for him for he's after you. DICK, {in surprise). After me, say you y CAL. Bet yer nuggets he is. He just waltzed right into tlic Bung- hole saloon, to-d,iy, a;' stuck up a paper ottering !ive huiulred dollars for the capture of of Deuifwood Dick, dead or alive — that's what he did. DICK, (grimly). Aha! So ther's another foe in the field, eh? Well, ■well, let 'em «oine —let 'em come. They'll all keep fooling around, until there'H be u demand for more lots in the Deadwood cemetry. I've about made my mind tliiit it's time lor me to turn pedagogue, and teach 'em thai even though outlawed and cursed and hunted by my fellowmen, I can yet add to my notoriety !>y learning my enemies a deadly lesson — a chapter as it were in their existence — printed in blood. Forbearance they say is a virtue, but to be houiuled to the death, does not merit forbear- ance. Tell me Calamity, who is this stranger, who puts a price again up- on the head of Deadwood Dick 'i CAL. He chalked down his name on the hotel register, as Governor Ira Castleton, of New York? DICK, {thoughtfully). Castleton? Castleton? I do not think I know him. Y'et, 'tis strange he should desire my capture! if a total stranger. I must investigate this matter, at once {calls) Lieut. I f DEADWOOD DICK 7 (J5:«/cr BREEZE 21.. E.) BREEZE, {doffing hut) Yes, Osiptuiii — at your coininaml. DICK. Breeze, yon may order my horse douljly fed, for I liiive an- other ride to make soon. Also, order the men to brush up their weapons, and stand ready for orders at any hour. Go, now, and on your way, or- der the eook to prepare meals for two. {Exit BREEZE) Now, then, {turning to CALAMITY) my friend, you must dine with me, ere you. re- turn to town : and, by tlie way, it may be the last time, for I am going down to Deadwood, to teaeh the dogs a lesson, who would bite at the heels of a hurricane. CAL. {_anxiously'] Oh 1 Dick, do not go ! Tiiey are a whole populace to your one, and they will kill you. DICK. [_bitterly'\ Let them kill. Better to die in battle, than to forever endure the misery of being hunted at, every tarii. Come. [Exit both, 1 L. E. Ehter SNOVf BANK 1 K. E.] SNOWBANK, [pausing, looking first at auJience ; then off 1 L. E ] "Well, now, jes' you'bress (.Ms yar chile's perhivial systematic daphragm, an' convert 'em into a box of rubber chewin' gum, ef he knows w'ich way he's a gwine. Hello! wonder who's (k-ui ar" [)eople a gwineoif yon- der. Hope me nebber see de top of dis yar chile's r icoanut, if dar aint two humans — de bery first humans vvirl Uv; K\-- d it ilis nigger's seen fo' a hull week, suah ! 'opect (.lat's some lov.- struck Julio an' Komiet, out a star gazin'. Yas, wonder whar I is ? ^V.)nder if I get to nowhar if I'se keep right on trampin' [walks around and. inspects things]. 'Spect dis yar orphant might as well gib it up as a bad jui). Seventeen hull hours hab dis noble disciple of Shakespeare bin wanderiu' froo dese yar dismal soli- tudes, widout food or lagei, in quest Gi> de town ob Deadwood, but no such a town appeareth on de equinox\ ul horizon. Ail on account of dat Yankee Doodle Y'uba, too. But I'se wouldn't be dat Yankee Doodle Y'uba, if de hull universe was ter ofler me de late presidency. Jes' you orter see [lookiiig off to audience, from footlights] dat Nance Yuba electri- fy dat old better half of her'n, de Cunei. Why bress you chile, dat old Nance, she jest skin de wool all off de Cunel's head till it looks like an Alabamer full moon out seranadin', suah. Den she gib him a dressin' wid de buUwhip, an' told him to go buy himself a caliker dress, an' make a woman ob hisself. Why, br"ss you, dat all comes ob jinin' de church. Jes as soon as Yankee Doodle Yuba, ob Yuba Dam, wentajined de church an' got religyum, he jes' calmed right done dawn, jes' like a clipped tailed hen-turkey. Golly ! I'se wouldn't jine de churcii and be a minister fur nuffin', I wouldn't, no sah ! Fust you Know you hab all de sisters a hug- gin' you, an' a squeezin' you hand as if dey was trvin' to squeeze spirit- ual consolation out ob it, an' bress jou, sah, if you'jes' done gone squeeze back agin dey call you a Henry Ward Beecher, so' a fact. No, sah! I wouldn't be a minister,like dat yar Yankee Doodle Yuba, fo' nuffin' . Besides, 'tis said dat de people ob de stage can't git to Canaan, no how, so I 'spect dis yar disciple ob de iuimortal boards of Shakes- peare, is done gone shut out. But aha! what's de difference while de clam crop is large. Edwin Booth Snowbank (strikes an attitude) am I ; de gi'eatest livin' tragedian of de lyric stage — de bossest ob 8 DEADWOOD DICK de Hamlet's — de only original enterpretter oli all ob Shakespeare's sublime successes, cum west on a Pullman handcar, after oberwhel- mining metrc-opolitan triumphs— in a New York gas-works — to paralyze de denizens ob dis yar picture-sque continental lattytoad. las! i'se goin' to catch 'em clar oft" their base. I'se got one ob de sulilimcst tragedies otde age, hyar. (takes I'oll of mcmuscfijit from pocket) Its title was suggested by ray eminent namesake Edwin JSoolii, and is "lioarin' Rhiiioscn-iuus, the Superannuated Molongian Masher of the Calapultian iMounls." Yas! dat's de title. Now, wid de kind pernussion ob de audience, I will proceed to rehearse dis yar briney talc, but before launching forth, I would respectfully suggest dat dose pussons aiHiuted wid ninety-nine cent oi^er-a/i glasses, will not level dem dis way, as de inextinguishable brilliancy radiating from dis yar masterpiece of monumental Sliakespeare, comin' in contact wid de magiufying power ob de aper-a/i glasses, will propogate a consiicnticus cylindrical 'centration of fourcusses, an' de result will be a terrible kersplosion. Now, den, attentio.i, an' youse agwine tcr iiave de powers, fo suali. (Strikes an attitude, looking skyward, loith left hand on breast and right poised a la elocu- tion) (speaking tragically) De shades of evenin' war enwelopin' dis yai hemispherical conglomeration ob sand an' rock, in a mantle ol) Stygian cclipsiousiicss, when [irccipitously descending de peroendic- uhirist pillar ob de (.'atai)ully.iii range, waltzed de lloarin' Rhino- serious, wid a hs'ipolc (II ills shoulder. For devil-tishes, white whales an' green cleiiuilicunis luid dis noble bard been slinging his angle-worms, until de t-ountcnrmces ob de iieavculy bodies l>ecaine double-d3M'd wid scowls ob displeasure, and claps of electric liglit and da.slu's ot mi-gatlurian tiiiinder illununed de autumnal landscape Den, bethinking inmself ol) de serioustiness— ness — ness ob iiis situ- ation, dis 3'ar firey niazi'ppji tempered Koarin' Khiuoserious, peri- griiiati d his pedal promuigalcrs toward de mansion ob his girl, in- tent upon dissii)ating de I'l'mnining hours ol) de not-turnal period, in feeding her conversation lozcngcrs, an' whispering (juotations ob elysium attection into h r roseate tinted tympanum. On arriving in de grounds adjacent lo de domicile ob his ducky dear, dis noble knight oi) de fishpoie iiistantant'ously glued his eyes upon a scene dat summarily transformed his l)lood into de state ob Cincinnati ice cream. (Enter CAr.CuTXinioAT 2 k. e. ; j)auses, gazing at Sxowi'.axk ivith clc7ichcdjist.i.) Around the gilis ol> de Itoarin" Rhinoserious tliere spread a miihnght tinge, and from his eyes darted sparks of rage larger than a Syracuse l)asel)ali. .\nil wliyfore.'^ Simple the answer— aye! simple and yet so strange. For there, anatomically deposited upon chairs in am arijor. wliere the woodl)ine twineth, an" de whang doodh; niounttii for his first born, were the betrotiied of tiie Roarin' Rliinoserious, and a newspaper reporter by de name of Eurasticus Animosticus, engaged in si). ping the errervescem-iousnc ss from sundry sehoom-rs oi wei.^s beer. Struck dumb witii paralytic ness,tlie Roarin'Riiinosericais gazed for seblKrul iiours at theterril)le I I DEADWOOD DICK 9 scene; den dniwing a toothpick from de pocket ob his vest — some- thini^ like this, (draws immciise knife from bootleg, and waves it tragically, while speaking) lie waved it on Iiigii, like a Bowery tlior- oughl)re(l on a fourth o' July hurrah, and gluing his optical organs on dc frowning ampitheater above, critHl.tiiusly: (contifiuing to wave knife) Oh! Neptune, most mighty ruler ob de sea, cast down thy light on til}' injured innocent Behold a noble bard bereft of his damsel, througli tiie malicious machinate ob a simple newspaper reporter. Hear me den oh! Neptune — hear me swear tiiat thy ser- vant shall hab reveng(M revenge, I say, ten liundred billion times, revenge! Blood, will I hab— blood! gore! coagulated crhnson! It shall Ije spilt! (CvTTnuoxT: coiner foric trd ami j')resents a revolver at the darky) It shall dye thi se iiills and valleys— it shall run in mighty rivers until the world s'lall be engulfed in an antediluvian • leluge. Aye! blood! gore! (feds ^iistol pressiiig ag linst his eheek, and wheels aroiDid) ouch! de dcbltil. On! oh! oh' I beg — 'deed I do! Oil! oil! yes — yes— yes I I heir., 'de^d I do, Marsar — I beg! nebber do it again— nebber do it again, fo' suah! {drops on knees in attitude of ptrayer) CvTTiiKOXT (laiijhi)ig ho'irsely) Waal! waal! now you needn't git skeart, nigger. AH' I want o" you is to jest turn your nose to- ward the west, yonder, and sk)pe! D'ye beer? get out as fast as yer It^gs can carry 30U. Snowbank (^rising and goin] off\ l. e. backio trds) Yes— yes — yes— I'se goin' xVlarse Robber — i'se goin', right away off jes' as fas' as I can trabble {looking off audit/ice) Oh! my gollv. jes' s] osin' dat yar canin n had vomickeil, when it was alongside dis yar nig's liead? Whar'd I bin, now— oh! brcss you. Jes' sposin' de case. Wliat a 'oss de Shakisperian sta^e would hab abstained, had I gone up among de Clurrybums. H^w l.,avvreiKe Barrett an' John Mc- Oullough would hab diffused tearlets ol) grief on hearin' ob deir brudder tragedian's demise. Yms, you believe me, honey. Gib a $ to know wlitir Abu'se Yankee Doodle Yuba is. Last dis yar chile seed ob him, he was a skinniii' out o' Sand City.wid old Nance Yuba at his heels, j(>s'a lamin'it to him wid deole buUvvliip. (Cutthroat strides nearer. Snow throws uj) hands and backs off) Yes — yes — I'se agvvine, now, iMru'se Robber; I"se agwine riglit straight otf — 'deed I is, done gwine fo' suaii. Exit Snowbank 1 l. e. Cutthroat (watching him off 1 l. e.) There! cu.-se my boots if I didn't scare away the infernal black and tan, wliich leaves tlie way open for me to escape. Ela! ha! it is better that I go at once, for 'tis said these quiu'ters are not healthy for christian people after dark, much less for me, once a member of Dead wood Dick's band, who turned traitor for a bag of gold. Curse me, but I wouldn't like to meet the valiant captain of the road-agents, who has sworn to kill me at sight — oh! no, not I. NVhen it comes to slitting the wizzand 10 DEADWOOD DICK or pcrfomting the lieart of a pilgrim like the minor whom 1 just starled on his waj- to the happy hunting grounds, l>;uk yonder in shanty — Fred Castlctoii, the husband, or Flcteh Farley, the lover! Ila! ha! aihniratit)n fur a pretty piece of caiieo, they say, will battle with an army, an' I rci-kon it'll drihc in on tliem as stands in the way sometimes. Leasthuw, Fred (Jastleton stood in the way of me and thet pretty wife o' hisn, to say nothin' about the Red Roek' mine, and as a result, his eareass lies ovir yondt r in the guleh, fer the erows to i)ii-k, ef some pbilanthropieally disposed cuss don't come along and plant him. While I — why I go back to town, and in due time marry the widder— il not I)y prrsuasion. l)y force — and eventually become a popular citizen, the owner of the Red Rock mine, an' a regular bloaleil aristocrat. Ma! ha! methinks I almost can touch it even now— the pretty. })retty picture. Ila! ha! ha! (Laughs villainously and exit. End of scene 1.) Act 2.— "Deadwood City." ScEXK I: Exterior of cabin, icashtnb by door— or 3 L. E.— and Ethel Castlp:ton engaged in wniihing. Ethel (looking front) How lonesome it seems here since my poor husband's deatli. I have not the energy to do anything Ijut mourn and weep. I am constantly in a state of nervous excitement, as if expecting some dark, lurking evil, yet cannot imagine from what source it will coiue. Everybody seems very friendly to me, liere in Deadwood, and I do not think 1 have an enemy, unless it is tlie dark gambler, Fletcher Farley. I have always feared liim, as a bold bad man, for on several occasions lie has insulted me with an oli'ering of wliat he called love. Farley (entering, 2 it. e.) And wliat he meant love, (doffing fiat) my pretty Airs. Ktiiel. Indeed, he's a poor stick as could fail to pass your slirine witliout worshiinng at it. Ethel (stepping back) Sir! your intrusion here is unwarrantable. Fakley (mockingly) Oh, no; not when one comes in the role of a consoler. Be not angry with me, INIrs. Castleton, for on hearing of the late demise of your estimable husband, I hastened hither to ten- der you my heartfelt sympatiiy in your ailliction. I DEAD^YOOD DICK U Ethel (coldly) Your S3'mpathy, sir? I have heard men say your heart was too black to possess even a spark of tender feeling — and certainly your reputation is (lark and evil. No, sir, Mr. Fletcher Farley, I do not care to accept even your sympathy. iFAKLEY (grating his teeth, clenching hands and steppmg forward') Oho! so that's your layout is it, my little lady. Well, well! we shall see. But layin^- aside joking, Ethel Castleton, T have come here on business— anil to talk on business. In fact, I mean business in eve/y sense of the word. Ethel. Begone, sir. I will rot listen to you. Take yourself from my presence, or I will call fur assiitaiice. Faui.ey {laughing) Ha! ha! that's prettv good of you, when it's well known to both of us that there are no miners within earsliot. Nor would I go until I had had my say, wci'e there a hundred at your call. Therefore, you will tiiid it your best and only motion to give me an audience. Ethel (^sternly; folding her arnii) Go on, sir. I will hear you out — theL,if you do not take your departure, I will know the reason why. Do not think I am a coward, Fletciici- Farley, becau.se I am a woman, (shaking Jist at him) for I'm far frcjm it. I was born and bred here in this wild, hali-civiliz'd country, and I've a temper.too, tiiat sometimes gets tlie best of me. Farley (mockingly— aside) .\!i! v<'s, aiu! I'll cursed soon break it into submission, wlien I get you, my dear. (To Ethel) Uudoubt- edlv you have, fair Ethel— a woiuini witliont a ttMuper is a literal squash. But what I was going to ,<;!y, nr\ dear .Mrs. Castleton, you liave known for some months tint I wis siuillen with your cliarms, and desirous ss ;i jewe! as you are in your cliarniing self. 01 course 1 could ilI^eK"! tly :i|)pris(^ you of the fact, but while Freil Castleton lived, modesty and personal esteem for 1dm, forbade me m.iking lurther advances. IVat, now, since lie is dead, I deem it not out of taste to co iie forward in a manly way, tell you that I love you. and ask you honorably to become tny wife. Nay! do not say no, f >r you little know the kind of a man I am. When humored in my wishes. I am akin to a saint, they say, who know me. But when crossed in a purpose, it is then all the devil in my nature crops out, and I let notliing balk me in my designs. I liave set my figures upon marrying you and the Red Rock mine. You will find it to your advantage to wed me and thereljy secure a gootl husband, a staunch defender, and a thorough manager of your business. 12 DEADWOOD DICK Ethel (cxcitoW^) No! no— a tlwiusancl times no. I shall never niavry again, sir, and were I to marry a ImiKhed times, you would never stand the faintest smoU of a show— jici'cr/ There! you have L- heard me, now I)ei;one with you. (Jo, I say— it is better to have a I man of your elass, as a foe th.au as a friencl. | Fxiu.r.Y (crcqiin^j nearer) U\s, (A\? YouM rather have me a,s a \ foe? Well, uiv beautiful young widow, you shall have your eh(»iep. I will he yourYoe, and ;jet your hu>;I)and. Ila' ha! wait till I get vou in my power. :uv\ iheu I'll learn you h.-w we l)reaU the temper of wild JKU-ses down in tlie Southwest. 11, i! iia! I fanev I see you in meek sul)ieetion. already, sniveling .and erying whenever I walk heavily. for ie.ir I am going to cut your heart (mt Hut I'll postpone the openin*' eeremonies for tiie present, letting ycm olf witli a kiss — .■I sweet, soft lingering sm uk! il;i: h.i! eoiiie, now.pony up. and no kicking. {Ajqiroaches her) Etiikl {sUiqnriiJ l(irh) P.a( k. vilhiin! monster- don't dare to lay a iiand oti me, or i will s, ream lor help! FAitM.Y (.■^2^ruig.s fonr i.rd and caMhcs her in his embrace, she struycjlinr) dcypcratdy (o csfdjn) Ha! ha! seream my pretty catbird, il it will relieve vou, imi I'lU l)onnd to seal our betrothal here, ami :it oiK'c. {Kisses her sever iJ tirw^, she eallinfj for lielit, rcpealedUj .) En'er V\\.\ynT\ qnickhj -sei'ics FAiti.KV. hurls him off, an I levels a pair nf revolvers at hiin. C.\L. {coollij—deliberalely) There! you ugly, IW.aek son of a sea (ook, just you stand o.-f. D'ye iie.ir me.*^ stand oil', or by the holy smoke I'll till your aiiatomyso full of compressed plumbago, that you'll answer f(.»r a sodderin' iiloek —an' th.at's jest as sure as my "nanie is Calamity Jane, Es(iuire .i free citizen of Deadwood. Oh! you're a [un-ly spei-imen of ni-udiood. .-lint you, :i-tryin' t( r kiss a ui.lder whi> ain't got over monniii;' fer ht r husband, yet? You'd do to hang up in a di'Ug stoi't^ to cut pukes oil 'm. Y\\i\.YS {standlnj aihatj-hoarselij) Oho! so it's 50U is it. yoii_, young she wildcat. Well, well! tliis makes another one I owe you.'' I've already got a big .-iceount agin you to settle But, curse \\w, you're a puzzle, girl. One would scarcely e.xpect that the passionate Clalamity, wiiose heart is in the keeping of Dc^adwood Dick, tiie famous outlaw, woulUL he knows better than to come foolin' around me. Go, now, and look out for yourself. ETHEL, {warmly) Oh ! Miss Calamity, how can I ever repay you for your brave interference in my behall [steps for oua-rd, but CALAMITY mo- tioas her back.) GAL. Don't mention it ma'am, I crave neither thanks, gold or grati- tude for such little things. Take my advice, and seek your shanty at once. ETHEL. I will do as you say, ever kindly remembering your brave- ness and unselfishness. Though a scrangjr to me, I have often heard of you and now believe the reports that you are dauntless. CAL. {pacing off toward 1. R. E. with bowed head.) Ah! then it is true these stories that 1 have a rival in her who has just left me — it must be true when even the ruffian Farley twitted me of the fact. Even old Pret- zel's told me that Deadwood Dick used to be a regular visitor at Castle- ton's shanty, ere Fred Castletoii was rtlurdered —and of course it was the pretty faced woman that was the lodi.'» iiiu t-asf, iml'z;ui;ii,> . \jii : lue ueserier, the base unfiiithfnl wretch — oh ! the son-of-a-Kun. Jest wait — my times comin' afore long, an' ef I don't make liim dance ye can call me aliar. I aiu't a verv perlite (dd gal, luit Tin hefty on my muscle, an' don' ye fergit it. I've got a record too, fcv hiyiiT out sixteen men, in one day. inchul- in' the parson, all fer synipathiziiV \vi" Yank Yidni, when I was givin' him a dressin' out. Tiiiit's tlie kind of a hair-pin I am. and the sort*o' folk they have down tew Yuha Dam. But, ef Yuba ain't heer, why, I've got to search for him, elsewhere, for lind that old reiirobate I will, ef it takes til Marv eonies honi. an' when I do tind him — oh I Zamiel ! how I will blister li"ini. Not a reason on 'arth lied that confounded skunk fcr skinnin' an desartin' me, hi> true an' faithful wife. To be sure 1 usier tan his je!ket reg'lar, Tuesday an' Saturday with a buUwhip, but I hatl ter do it in order to keep hiiu sal)nii-i.sive to my will — I had ter do it, I tull ye. If ye wanter keep yer husbands under yer thumb, ladies. I tell yr thar's no way o' doin' it 'eep' ye stamp on 'em, hosswhip 'em, an' let 'em know ynre boss o' the sheiiang! That's what's the matter with Ilanner. I've alius ruled my roost, an' lived in peace an' happiness, until Y'ank Yul):i, eoiisiini lii-s pieter. iuk it inter his head that lie'd got religion, an' up aif desarts me, the dcs.i.eifil wretc-h. Oh! jest wait till I keteii hini— jest wait! I'll make liim tliink he's in a kingdom of saints. <>r sometiiin else. I'm after him, liotiin' hoav}-, on a reglar old Butfalo Hill warpatii. I trailed liiai over ter Sand City, hut he slii)peil away hecause iiis legs war the longest. But Ml keteh him yet, yes I will, an' then yeow jest bet all your spare eash thar's goin ter be a luneral. I'lraiiniliiiate — I'll smash him. Me needn't purtend religion ter me. No-sir-ee, bobtail Iioss. It won't g(; down. I ean see thru it jest as eas}' as 1 ean manage a masli. It's a reglar old Beecdier dodii'e ter git among ther female sex — that's what's the rip! He never durst east a peeper at another woman, while he sailed under my flag, an' jest let me keteli Iiim lookin' eross-eyed at one on em. an' I'll bei he'll never look at anuthi-r. Ill skin him! I'll mas- saerehim! I'll disloeate every joint in his carcass. Oh! Yank! Yank! you inlernal old blister plaster, I'm a-comin' fer you, witli blood in' my eye! {Cnicks whip and exits, 1 L. E. — Immediatehj alter Snowbank, 1 u. e.) Snowbank it7-agcdy attitude) Ah! blood! gore! coagulated crimson! To be or n might ie detectives/ Farley (wMstleing) Waal, now, old man, thet's rather a hard problem to solve, fer the moral city of Deadwood is a queer place fer queer people. What's the lay? Tracked, are ye? Castleton {in low tone) Yes! There are detectives searching the country for me, but I think I have eluded them, and at the same time hit a bonanza in coming to this rough place. Tell me, what are you doing here? Farley {uyith hoarse laugh) Well, I put in my time somewhat variously, as of old— turning my hand over to whatever job offers the biggest installments of cash and whisky. Ha! ha! Scruples, you remember, never prevented my getting rich, but luck went tother way, curse it. Castleton {walking off 1 r. e.) Then, come with me, and we will compare notes. I have money — you have a disposition for villainous work. Perhaps we can make a bargain. Farley (hoarse laugh) Well, now, old man, I'll guarantee that, if you've got enough gold to balance the heft of my morality.— {Exit both, 1 R. E., Castleton leading). {Scene clmnges to chanther in hotel. Enter Castleton and Farley, and hecome seated on either side of a taUe). Castleton — Now, then, we are alone, and can talk freely, I allow. First, tell me, what have you been boing, of late — by the way, since you had to slope from Boston, on account of a little stabbing affray? Farley [drumming on table) Well, my dutiful dad, since you put it to me so pointedly. 111 give you a square answer. I have mo- nopolized the gi'eater share of my time in playing five cent poker, drinking bad whisky, robbing lone mountain wayfarers, and occasionally mining a little. As a result, I have accumulated, and now carry in my pocket, the enormous fortune of — three old coppers. Spent my last five bits for old benzeen, an hour since, and was meditating just before I met you, where the next drink was to come fi*om. Castleton — Outrageous, sir, outrageous^but no worse a con- DEAD WOOD DICK. ditiou than I expected to see you in. But 1 scarcely need brag, for I've seen rough times iny.self, and have not as clear a con- scienc^e as once 1 had. 1 got into a quarrel over cards in the oast, recently, and liad to ski]) out, for killing luy opponent.' Curse it. 1 should now l)e the President of a street railway, but for that. There was reward innuediately oll'ered for my arrest, and nothing was left forme to do but pack my valise, and pull for thisdevilisli country, to be a hunt«d villain aiuong villains. But how long 1 will escape the law is a matter of uncertainty to me, for 1 under- stand the detectives reached 'Shian just after I left. Farley — Pshaw ! you've nothin to fear. You have inonej^ you say, and mark you, money is what makes the mare go, here in the mines. What's the reward on your top-not? Cas'I'IvETOw — A thousand dollars— enough to set all the sleuths in Christendom on my trail. But perhaps 1 am safe here, in my disguise. If so, 'tis a lucky wind that blew me liither, for two fortunes^stare me most temptingly in the face. Fahlkv {irlth lnHirse rlmclde) Two devils you mean. Castleton — No, two fortunes; neither of which are to be dis- pised. And the best of it is 1 am going pronqitly to work to secure them. But, first, 1 want to take in a partner to do the dirty work. Yon will answer the i)urpose. If 1 am successful, you get a thousand dollars. If I am not successful, you don't get a copper. How like you the picture ? Farley — Your munificence threatens to bankruj)t you, even- tually. 1 ain't so hard up as to work, oven for you. my beloved pap, for nothing and board myself —oh! no. if you want to do the planning, and have me do the execution of your plans, just one half will tickle me. Otherwise, when the detectives arrive in search of you, it 7iuiy not be diflicuit for them to find you. Castleton {smiting the taUe) Curse you ! so that's your game, is it. Well, I supjjose it's better to humor a balky horse than to try to force him. Consecjuently, if you will swear to work for and under me, and me alone, I'll give you half of the net profits accruing fi-om our little plans. Farley {rmnrj an cxterulhuj hnml) Karect, old man; it's a go. I swear to do it, by th<' Eternal. So grasp my paw on it. Castleton (fihriidin'j (i.inii/) No! 1 do not care to shake the hand of a gi-eater rascal tlian myself. Be seated. Farley (oheyliuj) Waal, now, you needn't be afeared of my flipper. It hasn't been stained so many times as your'n, I'll wager. Go ahead— it's a bargain. Give mo your schemes, and I'll enter intf) 'em fer half. If the half fails to come, ill take my hunting knife and slit your windi)ipe; and tliat's the sort of a hairpin 1 am, Castleton -All right. If I fail in my part, you can do as you have threatened. Now, then, ojjen your ears and I'll unfold some revelations (eMei' Deadwood Dick, denthily 3 l. E.; paiisea with haiuh in pod-^'i). To begin with, you will remember that for my DEAD WOOD DICK. second wife I married one Mary Castletown, a Chicago seamstress who had a son out here in the mines. Of course my second \vife died, shortly after my marriage, leaving me again a widower. Wliatslie died of it does not matter. Suffice it to say, she is un- der the sod. Now, her son, Fred Castleton, is, or was, yet a minor, in regard to age, and on arriving here 1 found him mar- ried, and the owner of one of the richest mines in this section. Quickly foreseeing a chance for speculation, I figured around, and finally lured Fred Castleton into the mountains, and {lowest tone) murdered Mm. 'Sh ! breathe not a word of this, outside, at your peril ! It was a ghastly crime, but I was forced to do it, for sake of gain. And now, the Red Rock Mine is our — do you see ? — ours ! I will wait upon Mrs. Ethel Castleton, and explain that I being Fred's appointed guardian, have come to take charge of his af- fairs. 1 will also propose to marry her, and thereby get full con- trol. See ? Then perhaps she will refxise, .and try to gainsay my right to control the mine. I Avill then adopt harsher measures, 1 will have a story that she was married l>efore she married Fred, and warn her that 1 am ready to produce her first husband — this makes a bigamist of her, antl entitles her to no share of the pro- perty, whicli then falls to me, the next nearest of Idn. That will settle that. If she requires, I will produce some rough to swear that he is her hvisband, and enougk witnesses to prove it ; all of which, money will secure. I will then warn her that she is under suspicion of murdering Fred Castleton, and that if she does not marry me, I will have her arrested and hung for the crime. Ha ! ha ! that will fetch her, and the game is ours. How do you like it ? {Deadwood Dick steals forirard, awl eeatu himself in their rear, with heels on another chair; lights a cigar). Farley, {^Dith a grim laugh) A very good plot; fit for a yellow covered novel, any day. But there are a few points a little off — one in particular, concerning marrying the widow. She's em- phatically my meat. CASTiiETorr, {driking tnl)le), Emphatically she is not, sh*. Don't dare to argue — I won't have it. I'm the mastitt', you're the puppy, and must take a back seat. I'm going to marry the girl, and you are not. If I tire of her, you may have her. Farley — Well, cuss my boots if you ain't got gall enough for a patent medicine shop. But go ahead with your ark. I guess 1 can content myself on half of the proceeds of the Red Rock mine. By the way, don't you think you have made a little mistake in one thing? Castleton — Certainly not, sir. I never made mistakes. Farley— You don't V Well, I rather opine ye do. Castleton, {excitaily). But, see here — 1 Icnow better. What mistake have I made 'i Farley— Oh ! a very trifling one. I believe you stated that you were the author of Fred Castletous sudden demise. Castleton-— Exactly, sir. DEADWOOD DICK. Farlky — Well, then, thare's whare you got a little off your elovateil rail road, for 1 had the individual honor of causing the chap to pass in his chips, myself. Ila! ha I ha! Pretty good joke on you, old man ; but I" 11 foi'give you for stealing my thun- der, since your'e such a royal old dad. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Castleton, {in confumm). Well, well, youv'e caught me fairly ; but I care not. Lies are cheap, now-a-days ,you know. But lay- ing aside joking, what do you think of the scheme ? Farlky — It is good. Now, what about the other? Casti-eton — Ah ! That, too. is a matter of inheritance. Do you i-ememl)er that 1 once told you of a fortune in the east, that was ponding a death ? Farlky — 1 have some faint recollection of something of the kind, but cannot i*ecall the exact substance of what you told me, • just now. Castleton — Well, you see there was an old relative who died rich. His only living heirs were myself and a third cousin of mine, whose name is Edward Han-is. Not wishing to spUt the fortune, he made a request that the fortune should go to which- ever lived the longest. Harris, at tlie time, was anil at the pres- ent is an outlaw, under the notorious title of Dead wood Dick. Of course, I have a natural desire that he may peg out before I, so I (!an get hold of the fortui>e ; teerefore, on arriving here, Iput out a ]ioster, offering a reward for liis capture. If captured, his fate will be lynch-law, as he has no friends, but many foes. If he he is not captured, wo must contrive to put him out of the way. D.Dick, {levcUiuj a 2'ah- of rewlven at them, qieaking coolly), And if I were allowed to remark, I should say there is no time like the present to balance the account, while we are all here. {Farley ami Castleton spring to tJwir feet in comte?'nation). Castleton, {reaching toimnls his vmeriiocket), The devil I it's him! D. Dick, {cooUy, keeping ttieni cmerai). Oh ! no— not quite the devil, for you see I lack the tail and horns. I am Dead wood Dick, at your service — the road-agent you offer $500 reward for. I just dropped in to learn if any one had yet etirned the price of my valuable head 'i Take care ! don't pull out any tools on me, or I shall have to doctor your eye for you, a trick I am quite handy at. Be seated, pray. I would not disturb your little chat, if you are not through. Castleton — Cui-se you, man — we are through. What would you have here. D. Dick — Oh ! nothing particularly, only I just called in to learn of what value I was to you, that I should be advertised for. But while enjoying a cigar, you have, unconscious of my ijres- ence, given me a very clear explanation, for which I am greatly obliged. Btit I'd advise you not to attempt any of your meditat- ed schemes, Mr. Castleton. If you are long in the llills, you will proba])ly have heard thatl am not a pei*son of the most lamb-like I)ersuasion, and those who buck against me generally get a full DEADWOOD DICK. hand, if not a prize chance iu the local cemetery. And as for your companion, here, who was once a member of my band, he'd bet- ter keep quiet, as his day of doom is decided on, and when that day arrives he will be taken into the mountains and shot — at least I hear that such is the Avord among my agents. His crime of beti*aying a portion of his comrades into the hands of the regu- lators shall receive its rewai'd. Farley {fiercely), Bah ! I defy you all ! D. Dick— Brave words, when you think your enemies are not present ; but you will take them all back, in due time. And as for you, Mr. Castleton, if you wait to get possession of this pro- perty you have been telling about, 'til I am planted, in all prob- ability you'll have a good long wait. Take my advice, and go back east ; or, at least, if you remain here, it will be to your ad- vantage to behave yourself, for if you do not, I'll venture to agi-ee that you'll find the climate most detrimental to your personal health. Don't mistake me, for I mean business. If you do not crowd upon me, or upon those who are doing you no harm, I shall offer you no molestation ; but if yoa do try any of your villain- ous schemes, I shall make it my business to baltle you at every point, and bring you to the gallows you so justly merit. {Uisvuj, hacking toicards 2 L,. e). I am going now, temporarily. ' Ta ! ta ! I shall not be far off, however, and ready to take a trump hand in any game you may originate. Bye-bye, my dear cousin three times ; take care of yourself and that precious offspring of yours. (Exit 2 L. E). Castleton, {sjmnging forward) Stop him ! stop him I Curse the fellow ! [Farley steps Jyefore him). Farley— Hold up ! don't attempt that, for that chap is a dead shot, and you'd be a dead man were you to try to stop him. I've seen Mm drop five pilgi-ims in succession, and then escape ! Castleton— But are we to let the bold devil have his own way, and be defeated V By no means, sir. He already knows what I told you, and will use every effort to bailie us. He must die, sir ; he must die, I tell you ! {Stamps cane on floor). Farley— Exactly, but if we hope to accoiiipliBh that result we must work a surprise on him, or take him at a big odds. No two mortals ever yet lived on these hills who cared so little for their lives that they would stand up and face Dead'w^ood Dick and at- tempt to take him. alive. Come! we will go to the Casino, and play a social game of poker, while we discuss plans, you putting up a five dollar note against my reputation, just to make the game entertaining. Ha ! ha ! come along ! {Exit hoth. 1 R. E., Farley leading. Ghse of Scene). Scene III.— The Street op Deadwood Again. {Enter Dead- wood Dick, hnrri&lly; wrapt in cloak; 1 L. E. Same time enter Calavi- ity, 1 R, E.) * DEADVVOOl) DICK. D. Dick, (stwrtin^jhack ondincovering Jier) Ha! is it you, Calamity? I fii-st thought it was — Calamity, {iiiterruptvig him, aa/rcasticaUy), Ethel Castleton, eh? But you see it isn't. D. Dick — What do you mean. Calamity? Why do you speak of Mi-s. Castleton so ) utterly ? lias she ever injured you ? CAiiAMiTY, (frui'nJhj), Oh! no- of coxirso not. 1 should have sciatehed her eyes out, if she had, you bet. 1 didn't know but coiiiiiilj: from her presence in a sort of dreamy stiite, you mistook me foi- her— or her gold mine. Ha ! ha ! ha ! {laugfiH swrccmticaUy). Good day! {Attemjisto pass, hut /lepHta out his hand and xhe atopa). D. ])iCK.— Hold on. Calamity ; hold on ; not so favSt, my pretty. I must have a little explanation of this. You are mad at me. Ca- lamity ; your words are sarcastic, stinging ! Tell me why it is so, my little promised wife {^nits arm about her waist). CaLiAmity, (fireaUiuj ho.sr) Stoj) ! you forget we ai*e on the street, and you . ire in most eniiiienv peril. Go! escape, before AVe are discovered together, and whil(^ there is time for you to escape. D.Dick — Ha! ha ! you cannot get rid of me so easily, Calamity. I'm bound to have an explanation, you see. There is no one coming this way at present ; and even were there a round dozen, I'd not run. I've ceased running. Calamity. I've quit dodging, to escape those who would hunt and hang me. Hereafter, will I boldly stand my grounds, here, a citizen among citizens, and meet them as they choose. If they crave my enmity, my weapons never fail me. If they ci-ave my friendshij). tliey shall have a full measure of it. I can l)e a powerful and faithful friend, or I can be a deadly foe. But 1 will not burden you with my troubles, for I want to know what's troubling you. Calamity. Come, now (put^'i ar)n uhout her), that's a dear! Tell me what you're mad at. Calamity, (2mttin{ily), I didn't say I was mad. D. Dick — But your words betrayed that much. There was in them bitterness, .jealousy. You cannot deny that? Calaiviity, (povtuKily, toyin'j icith hvi chak, face averted) Well — well — well — D. Dick — Well ! how many wells make a river ? I am a little ashamed of you. I thought you loved me. Calamity ; loved me with all the passionate fervor of your wild hai)py nature. Instead of that, 1 find you laboring in jealousy — without cause. Calamity, (gazimjatjinflr), I do love you, Dead wood Dick; al- ways have loved you, since I first met you, with all the love a woman can bear — for you were a friend to me, the only friend I had, after I was cruelly driven forth on the world, to redeem my- self or go headlong down to destruction, as I chose. But for your brotherly kindness. Dead wood Dick (speaL<eatH the act Hetcrul times, enter iiuj ami retreating. Finally armes fonoard. Coi,. Yuba, {jicerituj almut) Gosh! 1 guess she ain't hyar, arter all, and i'ni all-fired glad ont. Hain't seen anything of her, hev yeou, stranger ? D. Dick — Well, my friend, I could scarcely venture a correct reply, until I know to whom you refer. Col. Yuba, (cfiewiiuj and 'ijiitting aiul peeri/yj dliout), Couldn't eh ? 'Spose not. Nance Yul)a's who I meant — Nance Yuba, o' Yuba Dam. \l\\n\\i\\\ (sjiittiiKj) spect I've give ther tarnal critter the slip, agin. Ain't mucli sorry, nuther. Sure ye ain't seen an old gal a perrigi'iuatin' around heer, like a mad bulller bull, a pa win' an' tearin' o' the 'arth, an' snappin' a whip like's ef she war anx- ious to tair sum one's jacket ? D. Dick, {laughing). Well, no, I haven't seen anyone to answer that description, uncle. Yuba, {with a great sigh of rdief), Waal, cuss my boots ef I ain't tarnel glad of it. 'Spect she ain't arriv yet. You'll heer from her, tho, Avhen she gits within forty miles, fer she's got a voice like? a lokermotive whisth?, and a step like an elerfants. Hain't seen anytliin' ov a nigger about, nuther, I s'jjose ? D. Dick — Indeed, no. That's a type of character hard to find in the liills. By the way, old man, who is the female you appear so much concerned about ? Yuba, {mnstantly peering and fid/] etting about ami chemng ami sjdtting) Slie? Waal, neou, stranger, ef ye'd ever been down nigh outer Yuba Dam, yeou needn't ask. Every leetle dorg an' dorgess, frum ther long tailed ter ther short tailed, knows Nance Yuba. Cuss my boots, yes, an' you would, tew, stranger, ef she'd, 'a raked yer hide over as many times as she has mine. Stranger, beliold in me. Colonel Yankee Doodle Yuba, of Yuba Dam, an average specimen uv ther henpecked husband of tew day. (iaze at me — am I not enough tew bring tearlets tew they perceivei-s uv an ed- dicated jack mule ? Noteth thou the fact tiiat my raiment no longer fitteth mine anatomy, and that the expression of mine mouth is no longer of dazzling sweetness ! Ah ! such is fate. 1 am the husband, kind stranger, of that tai-nel old porkupineal targer, Nancy Lida Marier Yuba. For five an' forty years 1 stood it hke a lamb, sir ; I never flinched, tho' she pounded, jammed, scratched an' bit me, an' subject^jd me tew every misery the flesh is heir tew. First along, I had some spirit, but she smashed it tew flinders, an' uster lam it tew me reg'larly from once tew fifty times a day. She broke me, stranger ; thar's no tarnel use o' edgin' around that. But, a few weeks since, I 'came inspired with divine thought, and burst forth upon the world a minister. I DEADWOOD DICK. grew happy. Flesh begun tew sprout out once more upon luy shins, and I gained three pounds a day, cussed ef I didn't Re- hgion had I got, stranger, and I got it strong. No longer did I mind being cuffed about by Nance, my worser half, fer my spirit was roamin' in infinity. She could tan my jacket fer an hour, but I never know'd it, sir ; my thoughts divine ameliorated what pain she produced. Oh ! stranger, its a cussed fine thing tew lie a preacher. Its such a consolation tew inform ther purty sistern thet ther golden gate is open fer 'em, an' receive their thankful smiles and hugs, tew say nothin' about sponge cake an' terbaccer. Verily, I wouldn't turn from the golden trail now, ef ye was ter offer me ther best farm at Yuba Dam. D. Dick — Well, uncle, you seem to be very pious, for a fact. 1 suppose you have converted hosts to the holy cause ? Yuba— Verily, stranger, 1 have ; full three score and ten of tlie Yuba Dam-ed did my eloquence bring in i^enitence tew their knees— regardless o' Sunday-go-tew-meetin' frocks an' briche- loons, mind yeu — an' 1 should hev peppered ther hull town, like- ly, only, jest then Nancy Marier Yuba hove in sight on the hori- zon, carryin' a short gun, an' 1 hed tew git. Twasn't no use, stran- ger — / hed ttnc git, you iet, or she'd a cleaned me out. So 1 mean- dered off at a speed o' ten laps tew the mile. An' heer I am, tew do the heathen of this country good. Truly, stranger, thou art a pert looking man, and thy companion will soon be, when hirsute vegetation sprouts upon his mug. Before thee both lies a long life, with a path strewn with temptation an' allurements, an' I'll swar et ain't one out o' every hundred kin squeeze thru, safe an' sound, thout he jines the church o' Israel. Therefore, my young stranger, let me indooce ye ter jine, at once, an' ferever hev yer salva,tion assured. I have heer {takes hooh awl pencil from pocket) a leetle register fer names of them as jines. Neow it don't cost much, stranger— cussed little, I'll swar, compared wi' ther benefit derived. Fer one little ten dollar bill I will inscribe yer name in this holy register — fer another X I will annoint yer as a member of the church, which gives yer all the privileges, and so-forth and so-forth. Jest think uv it— only twenty dollars. Your name is — D. Dick. — Is Deadwood Dick, but you needn't put it down. I am not a very pious fellow, and besides, it's not improbable i shall have a hand in a funeral before I get through with these people of Deadwood. Yuba, {quickly) Ila! a funeral— a funeral, sir'? Where? — when? — which ? — why ?— tell us ? D. Dick, {laiujhiruj) Oh ! I don't know of any, at present, but twixt you and me, there's liable to be several, if I'm not let alone. Yuba.— Good! excellent! bully! I must be around an' have the job of the sermon ! Yes ! yes !— only ten dollars for a half hour's sfermon ; oiily ten. Yes! yes I dog cheap! Just think of it, {Dick and CalamUy turn tc go) But, hold on, hold on ! don't be 10 J^EADWOOD DICK. ill a hurry, pardner. Ef ye don't want religion, why, I've got siinithin' olso. Look ee heer. (tahesi hottle from pochct.) I have a wonderful i)rej)aration, composed of roots an' yarbs, for the cure of corns, bunions, colds, coughs, hardening of the chcf'k, soften- ing of the brain, mumps, quinzy, a]>i)lepli'\y, licart disease, small pox, red nose, liver complaint, eyervsiplas, still' neck, enlarged gall, watcrmelanchoUy, tits, fever, ague, chicken pox, cancers, voracious app(?tite, bites, burns, scalds, salt rheumatism, itch, and bad temper. Cures in fifteen minutes by the sun, I'll war- rant The reg'lar price is ten dollars; but business is dull, an' I'll make it nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one dol- lar only — just think of it — a paltry dollar for a cure for all the ills that flesh is heir to ? {Dirk aliakes hmd). What! wont give me a dollar for the elixir of life ? Then make an oiler — seventy-five, sixty cents, four shillings, now! — a quarter, a dime, five cents— a penny — for heavings sake, will yon give me a penny ? Calamity, (la>/ I itt'uyj hottle hack m pocket, grimly) You're evidently not sick, my son. But, now I have something to tickle you (fate a mrej'roin hix pocket). The lightning strikes in these wild regions frecfuently, endangering human life. I have here a patent, dou- ble-twisted, complex action, lightning conductor, warranted sure protection against accidents. Let me illustrate to you its won- derful efficacy {sticks wire ihimi through hat m that one end jn'otrwlea above, arul the other touches his cheek). There ! see ? That's the way we wear them. Very simple. ans, sir, as not having swept since morning I cannot guar- antee that you will not get tlie knees of your pantaloons dirty. As to your oiler, 1 am not at all obliged. When 1 wish to njarry a puppy, there are plenty running in the street to choose from. CASTiiKTON, {ill a jiasaion) What? what V How dare you, wom- an, call use a p\ii)py ? , E'l'HKii, {mmi:;tlcaUtj) In the words of your Imll-dog companion, liere, sir, {liuUcMiiuj Ge-n'f/e) hermi^e I dare; because you can't come it ; because you are a trio of scheming villains, a gang of sneaks, whom 1 loathe, despi.-e, abhor, and ilefij! There! i)ut that in your pipe and smoke it ; if you don't happen to have a pipe, use a cigar-holder ! Castlkto.v. {grimly) So you defy me, eh? Well, 1 am prepared for that. 1 expected you would, and came armed. Listen. Yon refuse to nuirry me , let me tell you that you are not even an heir to this property. 1 am prepared to prove that you had a husband before you married Fred Castleton, and consequently, as the first husband is yet living, you are a bigamist, and not the heiress to any of Fred' Castleton's moziey, which reverts to me, the next nearest of kin. Look ! there is your dutiful husband, {poi.nt'i nwcHmjhjai George.) fexUKL, darting ha-ck ami jnittmg vj) her Imruls in horror ; HjienHnfj tragically) What? Are you mad— that man my husband— that imnhHter / Castlktox, (tHumphantly) That man is your husband ; your own legal husband. Ethkl,, {rai4ng hand m high) Before Almighty God, 1 say it is a base, an infamous lie you utter. Oh ! heaven help me ! (2M(ts haml- kerchicf to face and weejis, right rating on chair ha,ch.) George, {hiaracly) No,"et ain't no lie, woman, an' ye know it. Because I'm jiretty, an' liigli toned, an' all that sort o' thing, ye ain't a goin' ter" shake me oil' no longer, by a long shot. I'm yourn, an' yu're mine, an' whom Jim Shakes, o' Porkespine Flats, jined tergether, let no cuss put asunder, ef he don't want me ter plant liim — you bet yer boots on't, too. Castleton, {nwcUngly) My dear lady, you see how matters stand. Proof of the wedding will be volunteered by Farley, here, wliich com i)letes the case. You a bigamist go forth in disgrace to be pointed and scolTed at by the people, and undt-r sus[)icion of being tluMiiurderess of Fred Castleton. 'i'his suspicion 1 will augment with a triple testimony of parties who saw you connnit the crime, and so as a summary of the matter, the gallows stare vou in the face. How like you the prospectus? J)EADW0()1) DiCK. 15 Ethkl, [gmpiibgly, horrified) Villain! monster! Your evil scliem- mg is without parallel. Castltcton. — l>f course. As Ion;? as one is going to plot, he may as well make a speciaity of th(^ l)usiness. (jome, now, you have heard me. It is salvaiioa the; one way; death the other. Take your choice. Marry me, now, witli your husband's consent, here, and all will be well, and your lover, the frisky road-agent, shall be aided to escape. Refuvse, and I will advertise you as a bigamist and a murderer, and promise you you shall hang ere another sunset. What is your answer, yes, or no ? Ethel, {sereamtmj} No '. God help me--a hundred times No ! Castleto^'^ — Then, curse you, your doom is sealed. Before another sunset 1 swear that your neck shall wear Judge Lynch's collar ! (E)iter Dick, quichly, taHng fitand heai/ie Ethel, ami leveling revoh'exsat, CaHtletori). Dick— And why not add another trick, you devils, to make the game entertaining ? A double neck-tie party would be quite a novelty, {ths three viUaim njmrig to their feet, ami staml at hay.) Take care ; don't try so pull any pop-guns, my hearties, for I've got the drop on you, and the first one who goes to hostilities is a- going to shuiiie oti' liis earthly anchorage, in less time tlian it talies a Iamb to wri;2:gle his caudle appendage ; and don't you forget it. Oastleton" - -Curses on you. Lower those weapons and sur- render, for we have come to arrest you in the name of the law. Dick, (rooUy) i presume so, and when you spill yourself upon me, a half a dozen at a time, r!l endeavor to illustrate to you what regard I have for that august body. Come along, I say, if you want me to bore Suez tunnels through your systems in a lioly second. Farley, {griinly) Youd better give up, Cap— we're three to your one, and l;ound to iiave you. Dick— Then, come right up and get me ; I'm right here ; see, 1 fold my arjijs. Nov,% then, if you want to win a prize, just walk in. I'm open for business, Ua! ha! ha! afraid, eh ? {enter Calamity,! n. K.,aml glide hehiml Dirk, hold imj a jmtol leveled at hix head] Well, I daiesay. (laughs grimly). I believe it has been said by prophets that no single iiilgrnn ever walked the streets of the town who could take Dead wood Dick alive ! Cak AMITY, [sarcoHtically) But tliose prophets failed to mention women, did they not. Ha ! ha ! Dead wood Dick, ijoii. ai-e my pris- oner now. Dick, {hohing arouml in Hurpri'ie, Ethel clinging to his wrm) What! yov., Calamity V Calamity, {uithamnkamlamd) Yeou just bet your boots — /, Calamity. Dick, (laughing) Ha ! ha ! I see, you are fooling. Calamity, {cMolly) Not worth a cent. You are my game, and DKADWOOl) DICK. if you budfjje a hair's brea him, 2>itGt»i--eil in mnte ■*, HU2>2ili,(Mti)ii ami face idteou-i. Spealiny iialhetirully) : Calamity — Oh! Dick! Dick! forgive me — pray God to forgive nie for what 1 have done to you. Dick, QyenMng on one knee ami ki-ismj Jter forehead) You are fully an^l freely forgiven. Calamity, for yours was a move in the dark. Cheer up, now, and help my sister to l)e bravt^. (Turn'i to Farley.) Lead on, sir traitor, 1 am ready. {EHt Farley ami Oarveyard Gc/rae 2 L. E., leaxlimj Dick beticeen tliem. Calamity nther drink). Ven a feller stood up mit himself und dells you he vos your brisoner, und it vos your privilege do ash you blease, it shows dot he vos a hero — von prave noble son off a gun vot would lick dunder und plitzen right oud off you ven you put him on equal footing. Castlbton, {amjrily) Look here, you Dutch blunderbuss, d'ye suppose we"re going to take your views ? Not by a devilish sight. Go ahead and condemn that prisoner, sir, or I'll borrow a revol- ver and send a bullet through your thick craniuju. Pete — Vas ? You vil put von pullet through mine sgranicum, you say ? {produce;^ a sJwt-gun arui aims it at Castleton). Vel, now, I pet you yoost life dollars und a three cent bostage stamper dot you vos shoking, eh ? vot you say ! Castleton, {tc> the crmcd) Curse it, gentlemen, will you see such work as this ? Draw your weapons and blow that idiot's brains out (aU draw reiwhem). Pete, {in alarm, putting la^k gun) Shtop ! shtop ! I sey ! I takes it all pack. I vos yoost fooUng, dots all. I vill do der square dings mit you — yaw, dot ish so. I herepy sentence dot criminal at der bar to pe hanged py der neck undil he vas deader ash a door nail, at ten o'clock ter-morrow noon ; and may der duyfel haff mercy on my soul and poddy, und increase der sales off mine saloon. Dot's all ; der court ish done ; adjourn to der bung-hole saloon for ice cold lager ! (leaps down in front of desk and exit 3 L. E.) Castleton— Ha ! ha ! that's the ticket, boys. Three cheers DEADWOOD DICK. 19 now— then off goes our famous outlaw to his prison cell. Hip ! hip — hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! {all jviii in, then all ea:it, with Iwots, yells, dc. Close of scene. ) ACT IV. Thk Dkadwood Jail. [Dead wood Dick half reclining on floor near stool on wliieh a candle burns, gazing at the floor.] Dick, {sUndy and grimly) Well, 1 aui here at last, in a pi-ison cell, with the death of a dog staring me in the face. My poor sis- ter has been to bid me a last good-bye ; no one else will come. My comrades, away in their mountain aerie, j^i-obably will hear nothing of my capture until it is too late to save me ; and Ca- lamity — Calamity, she will not come. Something tells me that she will not come. My brave little heroine of the Hills, the only one of her sex who ever looked kindly upon my outlawed head, except my darling, faithful sister. And she, too, in peril — may Grod in heaven watch over and protect her. (boios Jm head in hands ami is silent a few seconds.) 1 would that 1 could gain my liberty but a single hour, that I might battle with the devilish schemer Cas- tleton. Then I would be content to die. A fellow cannot live forever— the grim hand touches every pilgi-im, sooner or later, and he is a coward who whines when if hovers over him. Ha ! ha ! they think to see me treinble when 1 meet face to face the merciless noose that is to hang me. Let them wait, and learn that Deadwood Dick has too long faced death to fear to meet it. True, there are stains upon my soul, but God helping me, not a villainous nor a cowardly stain. True it is, that men have met me and fallen, but they were wretches and ruffians who held no love or even respect for man, woman, babe— or God. Perhaps I shall have to answer for their deaths, but it shall be bravely, in the reflection that I liave done humanity an everlasting service Ha ! {Enter George heariny a loaf of bread, which he tosses u^Mn floor in front of Dick.) George, {lioarsely) Thar's a present fer ye, ye infernal road- agent, ef ye're hungry. I opine ye'd better chaw on it, fer ye won't git no better in this howtel while I'm landlord. Dick, {gazing at floor)Yery well ; if 1 grow hungry, I will eat it. Do you feel disposed to name the giver ? George, {thrusts chew of toha^cv intlai'es candle on floor, sits on stool, then hreahs thehaf in twain, and finds parhtgein side.) Ila ! 1 was not wrong in my sus- picion. {pulU package out of haf, and umrra^is it dlHcoterin{j a revolver.) And here is the contents. A weapon with which to shoot my jailor and then make my escape. Ah ! I can no longer doubt that Calamity still believes in me, and is keeping away for a pur- pose. But, alas, her jjains are of no avail. 1 have been taken, tried, and condemned to die, and I shrill pay the forfeit. Were a hundred chances open for escape, I would not take advantage of them. 1 will hang and pay the debt I owe justice ; then, God helping me, I will arise, Phenix like, a free, unfettered man, whom no law in this land can molest. Something tells me I will win. If I fail — then, may God have mercy upon me — and that one who holds the knowledge that will save me ! {rises, folds arms ami gases heavenward, as if in frayer. Close of scene. ScENK III.— THE Plaza or Park. [Enter Col. Yuba, peering about, 1 R. e; with prolonged whistle, looking otf audience, hands in breeches pockets.] Col. Yuba— Waal, cuss my clerical boots ef I ain't eluded her agin. Gosh ! but its bin nip and tuck atween us, whether she ordered or I passed, an' as fate would hev it, I got in the most laps to the mile, and heer I am, still alive, (lauglis) 'Spect her along every minnit. (peers arowml nervously while speaking/.) She's on a reg'lar war-path, after scallaps, an' don't yer fergit it. But she can't git much more wool from my plantation {raises Jiat and re- veals hold head) no sir-ee bob-tail hoss. She's harvested my crop spvnriel times already, an' owing to phrenological reasons, thar DEADWOOD DICK. 21 ain't no more left. Verily, young men, ye behold in me an ave- rage specimen uv ther henpecked husband ! My constertoochin is shattered, my speerit kerlapsed, an' my hair gone ! Nothin's left but skin an' bones. Don't take me for a lone comparison, but gaze around ye at the bald headed Congi'essmen j^resent, who hev bin thru ther masheen. Take my advice, don't git married —don't. It's all nice enutT first along, while yer pocket book an' ther candy shop holds out, an sai'cuses dispense wash-tub lemon- aide — but arter that look out fer squalls — especially arter the first year. How Nancy Lida Marier Yuba would larrup 'im ef she was ter sail in jest now. {I'wks arouiul ami discovers roye hanging down fromjiies.) Hello ! what's this ? {goes and peers around it, curioudy.) Bet a chaw of Christyun terbacker thet's whar they're goin' ter lynch ther road-agent, Deadwood Dick. Phew ! ef I ain't struck a gold mine, jest kick me fer a mule. I'll jest stay erround hyar, an' git the job of preechin' ther funeral sermon. Ther galoot as combines bizness with jjleasure is ther one Avho eventually gits ther presidency — of an assylum. {irrocures a high I)oxoiitof2L,.E., ami perches himself on it, R. c.) Thar ! patience on a dry goods box will answer as well as patience on a monument. Now, let me cogitate. What fer sermon will be appropriate fer tliis solem- cholly occasion. Ah ! I have it — Reverlations, an' a verse from the tifty-oneth slam. Hello ! here they come now. (Clavwr of voices heard app-oaching . Enter Sheriff, George ami Farley, leading BicTc ; Castleton, 8nowhanh, Miners, Jiegulators, &c. G, and F. lead Dich beneath noose ami stand off several paces ; Slieriff" stands near him ; other^i distributed R. and L. c.) Sheriff, (glancing at watch) Edward Harris, alias Deadwood Dick, the hour set for your execution is at hand, and the unpleas- ant job of hanging you has been left to nie, the Sheriff of this district. I am sorry, therefore, because it is a duty I hate and despise, yet cannot shirk. It is not for me to say whether you deserve hanging, or not ; it is only for me to accept the verdict of the people, and perform the distasteful task imposed uj)on me. If you have any prayers to offer or any requests to make, I will give you a few moments resjjite. Yuba, (rising on his perch ami waving hat) Hold on ! hold on ! I want that job ! I want that job ! Ef ye want a fust class, reg'ler old snortin' prayer what'll do ye more good'n a dose o' salts, I'm ther man fer yer bizness — ther Reverend Colonel Yankee Doodle Yuba, at yer service, an' ther bossiest old preecher in these hills, you bet. Jest give me the cue, now, how ye want it did, young feller, an' at ther same time modestly slip a ten dollar William inter my reverend hand, an' cuss ]uy boots ef I don't give ye one oHerin' that'll send ye inter Caanan like slippin' off'n a greased log. [hwl war-iclwop outside; Yuha looks tcild) Oh! gosh! all fish hooks, ef thar don't cum Nancy Lida Marier Yuba, now, like a roarin' buffler bull ! I must vamoose agin', {hastily leaps from hox, J)EADW()()D DICK. fdlh, I'ise'i, stiini/jleii, faUi, rUea, rum aicbank, erit 2 L. K.) Sn(.)WBA1\ k, {ridn(j aiul li?njnn(/ about, climbs upon box, Htrik&H attitude) lUood! Gove I Coagulated crimson ! i)iCK, {after pauHe) V have no prayers to offer, more than I have [)rt'viously" ori'ered— no requests to make, sir SheritT ; nor do 1 blame you, wliose duty 1 full Avell understand. Go ahead, sir, and do your duty. 1 fear and love my Master, but I do not fear to die. Castlktox, {aside) Curse me, bttt he is calm. I expected to see him on his knees, {to Judge Lynch) Go ahead, Sheriff ; don't stand on ceremony, but string the ruffian up ! Dick, {to 'Ca4leton, sternly) You need not be unduly fast, my friend, you Avill soon have the pleasure of seeing Deadwood Dick dangling by the neck in mid-air, and knowing that your rival in fortune is forever stilled. But mind you, Ira Castleton, and hear me swear it, that even after death shall have silenced my strug- gles, and 1 shall have canceled my account with justice — then will 1 come back to hound you down to your grave. Sheriff, I am ready ! Proceed with the pic-nic ! Calamity, {quickly entering, 2 K. E., sternly) Stop ! in the name of the law, stop ! Lyxch — Well, girl, what's wrong? What do you want? Calamity— I'll tell ye what 1 want, old ueck-streteher; I'll tell ye what 1 want! 1 want the pj'ivilege o' puttin' the noose about Deadwood Dicks throat, so it'll do the job, an' not have no half way business about it. Ckowd, {all stepping a pace toward her) What, you hang Deadwood Dick ? Calamity, {grimly) Aye I /want to hang Deadwood Dick Is there anything surprising in that ? 1 caused his arrest, didn't I ? but that ain't enough, lie deceived me, lied to me, and 1 told him 1 would have revenge. 1 want it now ; I want to fix that .rope so well around his gidlet that he'll never open his eyes after I say he ! oh ! heave ! And that's the kind of a hair-pin I am. Crowd, {in c1ii>run) Hurrah / hip ! hip ! huri-ah ! Parley, {steppvuj forward) Kick me fer a mule, boyees, ef the gal ain't right, and 1 say let her do the biz. The cursed road- agent fooled around with her until she lost several good chances to marry, includin' myself, fer instance, an' I'm uv ther opiuyun that she orter hev revenge. Snowbank, {waving his big knife and cleaver cvcitedly) Aye ! re- venge, cried the noble Koarin' iihinoserious, in a voice of thun- der-claps— y^^iye .' blood! GORE! COAGULATED CRIMSON! Calamity — Come ! ye galoots — what's the word ! Am I to have the pleasure of giving the prisoner a starter, or am I not? DEADWOOD DICK. 23 Castleton— Well, if you are particularly desirous of the job, go ahead, eh, boys ? All in favor of standing off an' lettin' Ca- lamity Jane hang the road-agent, please make it manifest by saying I. Crowd— I! I! I! I! I! SxoWBANK, {spealing through hands) We ! us ! heer, fo' suah 1 Lyxch— Very well, young woman, the job is yours. 1 having no hand in it, will retire, as I have no desire to witness the scene . {Exit 2 L. B. Calamity ap2Jroaches Dick. SymyJwny music hy orchestra.) Calamity, {shno, measured tones) Deadwood Dick, your time has come to die. Have you anything to say, before I send you to that haven of departed spirits, where there is no death, no treachery and deceit, no sinfulness and sorrow ? Dick — I have nothing to say. Calamity, {turning to Farley and George) Then several of you be ready to pull, after 1 noose him, and give the word.— [Seizes noose end of rope and proceeds to fasten it around Dick's neck. Gfeorge, Farley and others seize loose end of rope, walk back c, ready to pull.' Calamity finishes noosing, and wraps a shawl around Dick's head, face and shoulders ; then kneels in front of him, with head bowed on knees, pause as in prayer, low sym- phony music. Finally raises face and eyes aloft, with clasped hand ; speaks in pathetic, choked voice] Dick, I have prayed for you as woman never prayed before ; I have plead for you, and now— now good-bye, and may God in heaven have mercy on your soul. Are you ready, Dick 'i Dick, {slowly) Calamity, I am ready to die. Calamity, {Hsing and reeling off, 2 R. E.) Then, when the negro couirts one, two, tlu-ee, let the rope be pulled, and fastened, and this spot left in sacred silence to the dead. Oh! Dick! Dick! Dick ! {exit 2 R. E., sobbing) Farley, {grimly) Give us the word, nigger ; we're ready to give him the boost. Snowbajjk, {wildly) Oh ! lordy massy sabe dis yar chile ! One, two, free times ! Whoop 'em up ! {Men pull Did into mid-air. Snoicbanh fings, others joining . Dich struggles, finally ceases. Men, aU hut Snowbank, file off of stage at finish of first cJionis.) -^•^ SONG: AIR— "JOHN brown's boby. "—{SrmcbanJc.) Oh ! we'll hang Dick Deadwood to a black walnut tree, To a black walnut tree, to a a black walnut tree. Oh ! we'll hang Dick Deadwood to a black walnut tree, As his soul goes marching along. {Choi'us, hy crowd. Snowbank leading, ming Tmifefor baton) ^l DEADWOOD DICK. Glory ! glory halleluge^-a?^ / Cxlory ! glory halleluger-a/ft/ Glory I glory halleluger-ff/w/ As his soul goes inarching on. (Crowd fie out while sinking. Snoicbank continues, not noticing their exit, his eyen vjn-aised.) Oh ! he was a scaly customer when he roamed upon de earf , When he roamed upon de earf, when he roamed upon de earf; So we had to noose his neck, you see, an' boost him from de turf. And his soul goes marchin' on ! Glory! glory! hallelujer-a?».' Glory! glory! hallelujer-a/tt.' Glory I glory I hallelujer (D'o/iiH aroioul find (JiHcoverx himself ah>ne tcioh the corpue) de debbil ! Oh ! de Lor' haJ) mercy on dis yar chile, (leaps from ho.v,falU dmcn, scrajiMcH ahout denperatdy—cJiaiwefor '■'■hn-nne^n,'''' and ejcit 2 L. E. Close of Act.) ACT v.— The Bung-Hole Salook. Scene I — Tlie Bar-room oftlie "Bang-lwle"' — Bar axross covner L. C. Barkeeper engaii///i]i/iiiiii/: t/ic/i (Uilundty hIiujs xmnj. After she fi/mhe-s xoDg) Hhhu- nn'ny gracious, uinl mine vife Katerina'! Dot vos der burtiest song vot I netter hearel before. Id yoost dakes der rag right mit- oud der bush off. Calamity — Well, now, wasn't it, tho' V Spect it would make a mule smile. 1 sa?, s'posin' some o' you pilgrims take up a col- lection for the widders and orphans, wliile Peter tlie Great war- bles. {Snoicbank oheys, pnttin/j money In iiocket.) Go ahead. Peter, give us a lager beer operah I Pktk, [doh-fnlly] You von't snieker at me, Galamity ? Calamity— Oh I no — 1 won't even pucker my mouth, Pete— so go on. Pe'J'K— Veil den I sings ; put oft' you sees mine fron Katerina coomin' yoost dells apoud it, for she gift' me der duyfel ven she cosches me singin' ojierah ! (Syviphony; then Pretzel xiiigs, alljoimng in chontf,.) CoMK Tickle Mk. 1 ish von jolly Deitcher mans, « Und Peter vos mine name, I keejjs dot heer J-Jung-llole saloons. Und fast vas gainin' fame. But sdill I vas in droubles, mooch, All on der 'coundt, you see, Apoud dem leedle purdty gals Who say, "Coome tickle me." (^^joA:e«) Yaw, dot vas vot dey dells me, ell'ery dimes dey meed me mit der street oud, und ven mine vife she hears apoud it, she proomsticker 'em oud mit der vront door oud ; und yoost den von off dem mashers she stuck her headt in der |)erhindt der door tind speaks to me like dis : DEADWOOD DICK. Chorus— Come dickle me, come dickle me, Vy dond you coom und dickle me ? I like id very mooch, you see. So yoost coome along und dickle me. ( Lungha ami holds his sides tpJiile orchestra plays symphony,) I dond know vot to dinks of id, I,d seems so verry strange, Vor all der beeple vink ad me Like ulT I haff no prains. Und den der pe der sausage mans Who keebs der catter-ee, 1 W say ven he presents his pill, "Yoost coome und dickle me." (S'poken) An' dof s yoost how id goes. Pirsdt id vas der vimmins, ■ ley vants me to dickle 'em, den id vas der men, und efen der leedle dogs mit der street dey viggie der tails yoost like as if dey vant me der dickle em, t6o. But der vorses off all dish pizness, I vas goin' up der sdreet der odder night, und Ispiedadrim graceful vimmins cummin' along mit a face wid a vail ofer, und says I, I haff foon mit her all de vile. So I yust steps up mit her, und bunches her mit my finger in der rib to spare, und says "Coonie dickle me, coome dickle me," ven, mein Gott in Heimel, she hauled off und knocked me down dot flatter ash a pancookie —so help me gi-acious ! Und ven I got up she knock me down agin' — und ven I get up swi dimes, i find id pe mine vife Kate- rina ! Shimminy gi-acious how she did dickle me den mit der toe oft" her stocking. 1 neffer vas so dickled in all my life. Und ven 1 go oud on der bromenade now, you pet your sweed life I dond vas visper any more : Chorus— Coome dickle me, coome dickle me, Vy dond you vas coome und dickle me ? I like id very much, you see. So yoost cooms along und dickle me. Calamity, [when he Jinuhes) Bully fer you, Peter. You'll make a good Singer if the world lasts long enough (even if you don't make a Wheeler). Now, then, {turning Ui Snotcbanlc) most noble colored Congressman, we should be pleased to hear you agitate the aged instrument you carry upon your shoulder blade. Sno\vba>'K, {mming foncard wUh chair ami banjo) Want dis yar chile to heab out a few bars ? Guess so— yes, yes ; I'll sing you a little psalm tew eddifycate yer intoolectooal systematic anatom- myies. {Tunes hanjo ami sin^s comic song. Enter Col. Tuba while he is singing, in a dilapidated comlitvon — toi'ii clothes, one eye hlacJced, and other band- agetl, leg bandaged, left arm- in sling, hat all gone but Hm ; icalHng mith hnrrible limps. dV. I 28 DEADWOOl) DirK. Yuba, (UHtkin^ at andisn-ee) Alas! she found me. (Uiii/i.-ial>'*>t/,. ) (Stunrhani- Jinuhea hin nomj.) Cai.amity — Hurrah ! Now, then, let me take up a collection, a^ain— this tor the news-boys, bully boot-blacks and Half Dime novel readers of the town, (jimfies (iraKiui /lat and renioex a feir pen- nies.) Well, [couidinij them) 1 ^oi ten cents fat, by f^'olly. Oh I Je- rusalem ! what a flush crowd. (ImliJuib ontxide, imnmn'n 'inng forward with labeled jmtoh, ditto Siiowlanh) I the name of the law, 1. Colonel Yank Yuba, Government spy and de- tective, arrest you, and also your comrades, for a string of bloody- handed crimes as long as you arm. Resistance is useless, and the quicker you surrender, the longer you'll have to pray before you dance on the tight-rope, {all draw weapons aiul cover the three villains.) Sno\vba>'K— i'as. dem's de solid facs ob de sittywation, fo' suah, sab. Wes de law — me an' Marse Yuba — an' wes goin' tew boot elibery sinner cl'ar out ob Jerusalem, sure's dar's har on a pole-possum's eye teeth, {leaves knife.) Blood ! Gore ! ! Coagulat- ed Crimson ! ! I Castleton r— This is infamovis. It is a gi'oss outi-age upon hon- orable citizens. 1 shall demand redress — satisfaction for the in- sult. Calamity, (taJci?ig Pete amle) Now, Dutchy, look out for a time, ril show you a trick with a hole in it. {goes tqi to Castleton and sluikes fist at him'} And so you want redress, do you — you, a coward and a craven. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Why, you miserable low-lived skunk, if you was ottered a chance to light for your liberty you wouldn't (.lurst accept. *•• Casti^eton, {fercely) You lie, girl, you lie ! I fear to fight no man. Were even 'the famous tiger, IJeadwood Dick to comedown from his eternal lair, I'd be only to glad to meet him in a duel to the death. {Enter Dick ha/'k centre E., witJk folded arms.) Dick, (coolly) Then, sir, you can be very happy if you choose, for Deadwood Dick's on deck ! Crowd, {all starting hack ami 'pointing at him, in cliorus) Deadwood Dick, the outlaw ! Yuba, {steppiing fanmrd) No! not Deadwood Dick the outlaw. A man who comes to life after hanging, has paid the penalty of his crimes, and is a free man whom no law of the continent can molest. Deadwood Dick was hanged, cut down, and thrust into a rough box for burial. I chanced along, found he was still alive, and carrying him from the portals of death, with the aid of Ca- lamity Jane, brought him back to life, a free man ! Dick — For which I owe a deeper debt of gratitude to you. Col- onel Yuba, and you. Calamity, than the debt of hatred the law ever owed me. {Goes forward and shakes haiuls inith Calamity and Yuha, also with EtJiel, Fred, Pete, Snotrhank, d-c.) And as for you, "Govern- or"' Castleton, as you call yourself, my debt to you is not cancel- ed. You said vou were not afraid to meet me. and vou shall :!0 DKADWOOl) DK'K. havi' the (•luiiu-e. You luivf been Ji litV-lmif;' villuin ami tut* to my family, and 1 am a man as stiuavc with foes as i am true to friends. If you wi.sh to settle a mutual tiTiiilt^«. I ^iio ready to do it in a fair way. (si/nijihoni/ innxic /n/orr/ifstra) (xot the dice cup from yonder barkeeper, and come to this table, (.s^//^ totuhlfl n. K.i Sliake them well, and leaii off. If you win, 1 will told my arms and you can draw your revolver and shoot me throufjch the heart. If 1 win. 1 am to have the same privilef^e, iMark you, 1 never had a dice cup iu my hand in my life, while you are an old pro- fessional ^rambler. Still. 1 am 'ready to accept the chances, to pay a debt. Castletox, ((joiiuj to Jxir) 1 \vill take you on that. If I win ?— Yuba—/, on my own responsibility, will pcive you two hours to t»et out of the town and escape. Ca.stlktox. {nimiiKj t'orirard irith r up) That suits me. Revenji'c and e.scape now li(^ ix'fore me. [ijiwh to tafAc, J)lch on r!f/fd'xi.th\ hcon left. croir(lh(t(l,-.) Here, my foe. take the cup, and lead— if you dare. 'Dick. (shokiiKj dlrr) i never accept a dare. There, sir. (.s^/iW///.'/ illrc) count them ! UAST!>it:T()X, (xti'pjji/tg bad) Curses on your luck ! Pktk— Py shinniuny f?i'acious. und mine vife Katerina I Fife aces vid von flop, yoost so quicker ash dunder I CASTiiETOx — Your luck is good, and 1 will give you one horse ; but not the next, {shakes cup savagely, throws ilks three thnes). 11a! ha ! five sixes there are, you see ! Dick, {shaUmj) And five aces there^l hav*^ to be to beat tlieiu. ithrmrt) And there they are ! Castl-ETOX, (stag(jen/yj lack) Cui'ses on my. soul — I have lost I Goon, man, goon. Do your worst (overs face with ?m huiufs) at once. Dick — Not so, Ira Castleton. Although I won, 1 do not care to loose my citizen's rights again, by killing you. Instead. I sunvn- der you to Col. Yoba, who will act as your escort to Yankton, where sentence will be passed upon you. SuiTender, sir, to the Colonel. (Tuhahinds their Imiuh ami pushes them out 2 h. K., tJi^eiire- turnji.) Yuba — And, now, pilgrims, in celebration of the down fall of villainy, and the conversion by hanging, of a road-agent to a free and loyal brother, whose honor never shone brighter than now, 1 propose that we all indulge in flinging our heel. Calamity — Hurrah ! a dance. Come, Pretzels. {Music, all (lance hut Dick, who staiuts leanincj against 1 L. E., icith doft'edhat. Enter Nance nuth war-whoops; spies Yuha: priors him; cur- tain goes dawn, with her standing on top of him cracking whip and whooping . Snowiank waving knife ami yellin/j ^'(rore !" Cf-o/.-d in, chor>i.-< singing— mill at Kmnr time dancing— ^' We n-on'f go home till morning.") i « B15 793 B88 6 I