c «c «£_ ^ ** ^ c <3 ml c cCC «P S c <3CX. < < ( c c cc cr c cc ccc CCCC *C;c-Ct. C« 7- ~ "fir'' . s?~s r ^^r „ H Y P*-~ Y* Donee labantes consilio patres* Firmaret auctor nunquam alias dato, Interque mcerentes amicos, Egregius properaret exul. Hon. Lib. 3. v. 5. 1. Dear P y, I am sick at heart, / fear we've play'd a foolish part ; J I'm vex'd beyond expression ; / lik'd my station monstrous well : / hate, as i" do flames of h — 11, My forcible egression. \ * Senatores. f My forcible egression.] The epithet forcible is extremely natural for a Law Lord to adopt, and surely it is equally correct B THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 2. J little thought, when I approv'd * The bill which H k lately mov'd, I should so shortly rue it. J vow /would, had /suspected That we should all be thus ejected, Rather be d -d than do it.* to talk of a forcible egression as a forcible entry ; for an explana- tion of which, vide Jac. Law. Diet Black. Com. — Vin. Ab. — Co. Inst.— Hal. P. C.-— Hawk. P. C. &c. &c. ; that is, if you ean understand what authors these vulgar contractions are meant to express. * 1 little thought, when I approvd, &c] We imagine his Lordship only wishes to be understood, that he so far approved the measure, as to have promised not to oppose it in the House of L — ds, and no farther ; this is the only way we can reconcile the sentence with his public declarations. t I vow I would, had I suspected That we should all be thus ejected. Rather be d d than do it. The learned Lord is here guilty of some trifling confusion of moods and tenses, but the sublimity with which it enables him to conclude the stanza is more than a sufficient excuse for any gram- matical error. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. Seated on the Bench so high, In the K-— g's Court of C y, / seeni'd a very god ; * While half-staiVd lawyers gaping round, Waited with reverence most profound, The sanction of my nod. 4. The station was too high for Ego :.$ My head was seiz'd with a vertigo; Like Phaeton / fell: Or Satan, who was headlong thrown, As Milton has most clearly shown, From Heav n to burning H— II. * I seerrid a very God.] Credo equidem, nee vana fides, genus esse deorum. ViRG. f The station was too high for Ego.] How. modest of his Lordship, when speaking of himself, (which he never does but upon very important occasions) to prefer his old and humble ap- pellation, Ego, to all the high-sounding titles he has since ob- tained. 4 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 5. 7, with the self same meekness blest \sjird-* the fallen angel's breast. Like him will kiss the rod: I'm void of passion, void of pride ; < A G -r they'll ne'er provide So good as 7, by G— d!f * As fir d the fallen Angel's breast.] We have hitherto been accustomed to consider meekness rather of a frigid than a fiery nature ; but perhaps his Lordship may allude to a species pecu- liar to himself and — Lucifer! + I'm void of passion, void of pride, Ji Q ■ r they'll neer provide So good as I, ly G — d ! Those who are unacquainted with the excessive modesty of the ex C r, would hardly believe it possible for so great a personage to be wholly without pride or passion, had not his Lordship incontestably proved the truth of his declarations by the beautiful example which immediately follows them. Certainly no C — -r (whose time was so amazingly occu* pied ly dinners, halls, and routs) ever paid more attention to the duties of his exalted office than Lord E e ; if any one doubt the truth of this assertion, let him listen to the following ?ak, and blu^b at his iicredulitv : .. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 6. Ah ! little thought /, on that day, When stocking-less * / took my way From Edinburgh to town, That / should ever rise so high* And therefore could not think that / Should come so rudely down. It is necessary to premise that the L— d G > r is, ex officio, the guardian of all lunatics : impressed with the import- ance of this charge, Lord E was recently taking the air, when he beheld a parcel of unfeeling wretches persecuting a poor unfortunate puppy, whom they reported to be mad. — " Stand out of the way," exclaimed his Lordship, " if the dog be insane, it is my duty to protect him ;" thus having said, he caught th« animal in his aims, and bore Tiim in triumph to Liucoln's-tnn- Fields. It must be a vast consolation to Lord E. that his dis- missal from office will not wholly prevent his exertions in favor of lunatics, particularly as it is more than probable that some of his Lordship's nearest political connexions will, ere long, require his humane assistance. N. B. We have just heard that some very alarming symptoms of hydrophobia have already appeared among the ex-ministers,, and that his Lordship's friends are fall tng off very fast. * Wlien stockinglesSy &c] According to Mingay, this epithet is peculiarly correct. " The story is somewhat musty," but we TAE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, 7, My P — y, how we shook our heels, In rigadoons and Scottish reels, At Sh -n's* election ; While all the world agreed a jig Display'd the Ch r's great wig To Wonderful perfection. must beg to relate it, by way of illustration : — Counsellor E, was retained by a certain bucklemaker against a tradesman, for an encroachment on his patent. " Gentlemen," said he, addressing the jury, "it is to the encouragement of these ingenious inven- tions that we owe their present perfection ; how surprised would niy ancestors be, if they could look out of their graves, and be- hold the modern elegance of my buckles, shoes, and stockings/' , « True," replied Mr. Mingay, who was for the defendant, " your ancestors would be surprised— that you had either buckles, shoes y or stockings to your feet." * At Sheridan s election.'] Lord E alludes to Mr. S — V election to the office of T r of the N— y, or else to his re- election to the borough of St — ff— d, when he vacated his seat by accepting that appointment. Our readers will recollect that a grand ball fas given on that joyful occasion, at which both his, Lordship and the late Ch r of the Ex — -r particularly distinguished tiiem-selves—oii the light fantastic toe* THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 8. Alas ! poor wig ! both you and / Too soon are laid neglected by f Our dancing days are o^er ; Alike, dear jasey, all shall view The fall of me, and fate of you, And both alike deplore. 9. P y, / r m sure that you'll agree To pardon this apostrophe ; My img I still revere ; With consequence-bestoiving grace, It deck'd my long, lean, withered face, A day, a month, a year.* * A day, a month, a year.] His Lordship was in office exactly one year, one month, and one day, and it is an honorable proof of his great economy, that one wig sufficed him for the wiioje period. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 10. But hark * / hear Ambition cry, « Fie, T- y E- — e,* fie ! O fie ! Why this inglorious strain ? Cease to lament thy fallen lot, And struggle, like a trae bred Scot 5 To raise thyself again ! 3> Mr Rous'd at her call, my bosom glows, My blood once more impetuous flpws Thro 3 every throbbing vein ; * Fit, T — y E , &c."] Nothing could have excused the familiarity of this address to so great a man, but the intimacy that has so long existed between the Speaker and his kordship. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, * • .:■•■•■■, s= - ssac: With plans immense my mind grovvs big 3 And fancy gives myself and wig Our dignities again. * * Myself and wig, &c] Here we cannot help remarking, that however exuberant his Lordship's modesty may be, he never for- gets the dignity of his exalted station ; and that whenever he ha^ occasion to mention himself and his wig in the same sen- tence, he always gives himself due precedency: thus, in his pathetic apostrophe to this faithful servant {vide Stanza 8th) h? ftientjons Jij^ own fall previous to the others fate. EPISTLE It THE RIGHT HON. L, 1> G -IXE TO THE RIGHT HON. E— - *-L S R, -Nihil est audacins illis Deprensis; iram atque animos a crimine summit. Juv. Sato On, thou ! alas ! how chang'd, how falPn*, who wast, But art no more a secretary — huri'd Headlong, like myself, impetuous down ; As once in council, so in ruin now The opening of this Epistle very strongly resembles Satan's address to his colleague Beelzebub.— Milton, Book I. * Mas ! how chart gd, howfaH'n.] Hie mihi qualis erat, quantum mutatus ab iilo. Virg. We, in common with Lord G — > , most ^lacerelv lament 12 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, Are we united firm : — besbrew my beart ! But we will not with empty wailings mourn Our dire disgrace. Though reft of place and pow'r, Our talents and unconquerable pride, The study of revenge,* and how tQ wage the metamorphcs'd state of this once exalted character ; there was a time when he fought side by side with the immortal Wil- liam Pitt against the daemon Anarchy, opposing, with dauntless front and vigorous counsel, the united attacks of foreign cut- throats and domestic traitors ; — there was a time when, at the head of the A—— — y, he planned the victories of a Howe, a Duncan, a Jervis, and a Nelson, but an evil planet came between him and the glorious sun that hitherto had warmed him to vigor, and fatally eclipsed the brightness of his fame. A tacit acquiescence in all the visionary projects of a madman is now, alas ! the sole distinction of Lord S— -r. Let us hope that he will soon emerge from his present obscurity, and once more become a lucid and benignant star in the hemisphere of politics. His form hath not yet lost All its original brightness, nor appears Less than Archangel ruined. Milton, * The study of revenge,] A downright plagiarism from Milton ; —for shame, my Lord ! THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 1 Eternal and successful* war against The fell uscrpersf of those envied seats, Which our broad bottoms recently impressed, Are left us still. By T— mple's J meek-ey'd wisdom. By the humility of all the G lies, By E — -e's modesty, by W — dh — m*s faith, By P — y*s consequence, by Wh — b— d's brains, By Br- — nsl—y's honesty, and H-w k's wit!-' S- r, I swear this thought distils a balm Which sovereign comfort to my soul imparts. Hah ! did I speak of comfort ? Oh', my friend, * And successful war .] Evidently written before the un- fortunate failure of Lord Stafford's and Messrs. Brand and Lyttle- ton's motions. t The fell usurpers, &c] A very improper expression, for John- son defines an usurper to be " one who possesses that to which he has no right. X By Temple's meek-ey'd wisdom, &c] Some profound critic bas well observed, that nothing contributes so much to the solem- nity of an oath, as obscurity. How wonderfully has Lord Q- He profited by this remark ! 14 THE GKOANS OF THE TALENTS. Though Pd conceal the anguish of my heart From the impertinent and idle gaze Of vulgar eyes, why should I feign to thee? Know, then, my agonies can feel no comfort ; The wounds of pride are ill dispos'd to heal. I will to thee in confidence unfold My real griefs. Think not I mourn the failure Of the great cause which B~ m'sf fair wife, * Of the great cause which B m's fair wife, &c] The Marchioness of B m, daughter to the late Earl N — g — nt, of Ireland. Her Ladyship is at once the most rigid catholick in the united kingdom, and mother of that stupendous statesman Lord T le. The latter proud distinction has procured her the grateful thanks of Messrs. Herbert and Thistlethwaite, mem- bers for Hampshire, and the former the more honorable acknow- ledgements of her — fishmonger.* We have heard it reported that during her Ladyship's pregnancy with Lord T — , there happened such a dearth of fish, that she was unable to procure sufficient for a Friday's dinner ; and that, in consequence of this severe disappointment the noble Lord was marked with— a cod's head and shoulders ! ! I * As a Catholic, her Ladyship is under the necessity of footing upoa fish nearly one fifth of the year, THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 15 With soft persuasion, urg'd us to espouse. No — that was her's and th' Irish Papists loss, Not mine, nor England's.* When myself and H—k Found that our M — n — rch would not be cajoPd, Did we not truckle ? Yea, a G lief truckled, And turn'd and twisted, like a hunted hare, Doubling, with backward step, his former path To shun impending danger. Plighted faith, The prayers of P— ns — b— s, F— tzh t's groans, + * Not mine nor England 's.J We heartily concur in his Lord- ship's private opinion on this subject. f Yea y a G lie truckled.] Impossible! his Lordship must be mistaken. X The prayer of P—ns — nb—s, F—-tzh — rl — t's sighs, &c] Of the P — ns — nb — s we have only to observe, that one of them married Lord H- k, and that they are all staunch friends to catholic emancipation. Of Mrs. F— tzh — rb — rt — <{ Eloquar an sileam ?" We sit as critics, and as critics we must speak our senti- ments. This Lady has so many virtues, however, that we must of necessity omit a very considerable portion, not only because they are too numerous to be contained within the limits of a note, but also Jest we should be suspected of partiality, a crime of \ \6 THE GROANS OF THE TALExVTS. m , . = — And gentle Buck— ngh—m's imploring sighs, Were disregarded ; not to please our K — g, But to preserve our seats. Oh, vain endeavour - Our fall was destin'd -and the Talents fell : Nor fell alone, but humbled and expos'd We fell unpitied, or by few lamented** which we should deeply lament even the suspicion: we shall, therefore, content ourselves with briefly stating, that Mrs. F ■ t is chaste as Diana, ceautiful as Venus, and youthful as Hebe. That her nose is long, that her teeth were white, and that the symmetry of her form is prodigious. Still, however, we are sorry to observe — " Nee piieris jucunda manet nee cara puellis. Catul. Car. Epith. As to her moral and religious excellencies, the first subject in the land can bear witness that they are matchless — as her chastity and beauty ; for s in the goodness of her heart, she has endeavored to inculcate all her virtuous principles in his r -i bosom : how far she may have succeeded, perhaps, the noble writer of the Epistle before us, can more accurately determine than ourselves. * We fell unpitied, &c] How flatly his Lordship here contra- dicts the assertions of his sagacious friend, the Editor of the THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 17 Oh ! my S r, think of thy G lie's pangs, Who having bent his stubborn knee — that knee Which lust of pow'r alone could ever bend,* Was spurn 'd, repulsed, his seat of honor\ wounded, And turn'd with all his colleagues rudely forth. The racking thought is madness ! Was't for this / Morning Chronicle, who has repeatedly assured his readers that the whole nation lamented the fall of " The Talents'' with the profoundest sorrow. Speaking and feeling as individuals consti- tuting a part of the whole nation, we must declare ourselves to be of opinion, that Lord G * is entitled to more credit than Mt.P— rry. * That knee Which lust ofpowr alone could ever lend.] Has the M s of B. never persuaded his Lordship to kneel before , a cr — c — f — x ? t Seat of honor wounded.] Fide Mr. Gillray's admirable cari- cature on this interesting subject, which will point out to our readers whereabouts the seat of honor lies in broad- bottoms. IS THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. I leagued with F~x*\ whose very name I loath'd Whose principles I execrated still ? Was it for this I struggled to forget That Add — ngt-n-j* and I were ever foes, And deign'd to grant* him a distinguish niche ^ JVlinse very name I loath'd, &c] We always considered his Lordship's professions of friendship for Mr. F to be merely political, and are happy to find our opinion confirmed. t That Add — g — ton and I were ever foes.] " Nothing appears to me less probable than to see Pitt and me at any near period (I believe I may say at no period of our lives) reconciled to, and disposed to establish with Addington relations of confidence and friendship. — Vide Lord Grenville's Letter to the Marquis of Wel- lesley, in the intercepted letters found on board the Admiral Alpin East-Indiaman, page 24. X And deigned to grant him a distinguished niche.'] Who could with more propriety fill a niche in the broad-hottom* d fabric than this noble Lord, whom Mr. S -n (most unjustly, by the bye) compared to the sitting part ? It must, nevertheless, be allowed that Lord S — — - — th possesses a degree of inflexible honesty and loyalty, which must have been found extremely inconvenient to 4he JVhig branch of the late Administration. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. JQ In our broad-bottom' d fabric ? S'death ! my S — -r* When I reilect what offerings I have made At cursM Ambition's shrine — and made in vain, Prometheus' * pangs were ecstasy to mine, And Caucasus a Paradise to Dr pm re.f Prometheus' pangs, &c] This unhappy fellow having stolen a few hot coals from Jupiter's fire-place, for the purpose of animat- ing a pretty little image of his own manufacture, was most un- mercifully sentenced to be chained to Mount Caucasus, and fur- nish food for a voracious vulture, who continually preyed upon his immortal liver. Aristotle sends the poor devil to experience similar torture in hell. — Vide Arist. Poet. cap. 17. t Br — pm — re.] A noble mansion in the county of Bucks, to which Lord G. often retires from the Fumum et opes strepitumque Romse, EPISTLE III. FROM THE RIGHT HON. R. B. S RIGHT HON. L D H •Humor et in genas Furtim labitur, arguens Quam lentis penitus macerer ignibus, Uror, seu mihi rulricas Turparunt fades immodicae mero Rixae. - ■ ■ . Hor. L. i. o. 13. Alas ! I can not write nor speak,* The tears run hissing down my cheek, "f* * Alas! I can not write, &c] There is more novelty than sense in beginning an Epistle with a declaration of inability to write- but Mr. S. is of Irish extraction. f The tears run hissing down my cheek.] How admirably does this beautiful metaphor express the intense fervidity of Mr. S ■ n's right honour alle cheek. 22 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. My burning bosom vomits sighs, Like fumes which from Vesuvius rise.* Boil'd by the flames of face and nose, My brain as melted lava glows, And, like two meteors in the skies, When Northern lights disastrous rise,-)- Glare in their fiery sphere, mine eyes, J * Like fumes which from Vesuvius rise.] We venture to assert, that the beauty, vigor, and propriety of this and the two follow- ing images are not .surpassed by any thing in the English lan T guage. f When Northern Lights disasterous rise.] The aurora borealis, or northern lights, are considered by the vulgar to forbode war and bloodshed : had this line been omitted, the beauty of the simile would have been destroyed. Mr. S« — - — n's looking-glass most probably furnished him with this luminous idea. X Glare in their fiery sphere mine eyes.] An imitation of Oculis micat acribus ignis. Mir. TIrgil THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 23 H k, as I'm cm honest man^ It was thy inconsiderate plan Which kindled this destructive fire, And fllPd me with combustions dire, I wish old Nick had cut your throats, Ere, influenced by petticoats,-^ You, and your colleagues rail'd about Those cursed claims which turn'd us out. Zounds ! it was not enough for all Your heads to run against a wall, But, like a pack of thoughtless fools, You built up walls to crack your skulls, $ * As I'm an honest man.] What an asseveration ! ! ! t Ere influenced iy petticoats.] We apprehend Mr. S. figura- tively alludes to the fair Catholics mentioned in Lord G ■ — He's Epistle, which see. X You uuilt up walls to crack your sculls.] This is merely a poeti- cal repetition of Mr. S- n's observation to a fellow- sufferer (i. e, one of his creditors) ; but there is little danger that the 24 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. '.,,' . ,' ■"• ■■ :■ ■ • , 'i. ... ;. :, , " = First, W dh— m's act, 'bout Volunteers " PulPd an old house about our ears"* Then, by a vile negociation,*|* F-x vilified Administration : And when we had got over that, Sir Home was brought to trial For what? crania of The Talents will literally meet with such a serious misfortune ; for the wall to produce such a fracture must absolutely be, as Horace, expresses it, cere perennius, * Pull'd an old house about our ears. - ] A good old proverb, and very apposite. fThen by a vile negotiation, &c] Good heavens! are these Mr. S — — — — n's private sentiments ? — Can any man in his sober senses apply the epithet " vile" to anegociation which was planned by the Friend of the People, the intimate of Talleyrand, the beloved of Bonaparte, and the most immaculate of modern whigs 1 which was conducted by a would-be Governor of our Eastern Empire, and which only failed because it was—unsuccessful, THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 25 Because he did too much, I trow, Or perhaps St. V-nc — t will'd it so.* Butj for whatever cause, .'tis plain, That he was brought to trial— in vain; For he was only reprimanded, Whilst Ministers were justly branded With such contempt and public hate, That few lament their present fate. H k, misguided, thoughtless youth, \ Start not to hear me% speak the truth, * Because he did too much y I trow, Or perhaps St. V 1 will'd it so.] Doubtless very sufficient reasons for bringing this gallant officered a court martial, particularly when his parliamentary conduct is considered . •f- Thoughtless youth.] A pretty youth, truly ! X Start not to hear me speak the truth.] A most unreasonable demand ! Surprise always occasions an involuntary concussion either of mind or body, and all extraordinary novelties excite ^ S6 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. Since among friends* there's no occasion For the bold lie, or nice evasion. Have I not cause to deprecate Measures which brought me to this state: Which left me /oaf less, jishless — worse- Left scarce a guinea in my purse : Left all my duns, a clam'rous throng, Hopeless— — who liv'd on Hope so long ; \ surprise ; it therefore follows, that the Right Hon. S — cr — i — ry' cpuld not do otherwise than start at the novel and unexpected circumstance mentioned by Mr. S< n. * Since among friends, &c] Mr. S *n has thought other- wise ; but then it was only among those to whom he was bound by the strictest lands — of law as well as friendship. We have heard one of these gentlemen declare, that no man understood the Sinonian art (vide Virg. JE. 2. v. 69 to 195) better than Mr. S- -. Atque ita mentitur sic veris falsa remiscet, Frimo ne medium, medio ne discrepet imum. HoK. t Hopeless — who livdon hope so long .] We will thank Mr. -S— — n to tell us the precise quantity of hope that is necessary THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. T[ And left that little humbug* P 11 To sneer and glory at my fall. to keep a hungry creditor in tolerable good condition : his own stock evidently improved by the additional supply they received subsequent to his coming into office, and if Lord Sommerville, at his late cattle-shew, had offered a reward for the best hope-fed creditor, we are confident that Mr. S — — n would have teen the successful candidate. Happy must be that dun, ■ Cui spes Cui sit conditio dulcis sine pulvere. Hor. Ep. 1. v. 150. Our readers will pardon us for relating the following old story (a la Doyle) which we think somewhat apropos. A certain experimental farmer once took it into his head, that by gradually reducing the food of bis cattle, he should ultimately teach them to live upon nothing. He mentioned his having made this extraordinary trial to a friend, who naturally enough en- quired how it succeeded. " Ecod !" replied the farmer, I had not an opportunity of judging, for just before I had accomplished my object, owing to some d — d unlucky cause, the beasts all died* * Humbug P . ■ //.] We do really think this appellation, though certainly not very elegant, extremely applicable, both to this despicable little demagogue, and his colleagues, Sir F. B. and Messrs. H — — ne T- -ke and C~-bb~t 28 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. What shall I do ?* my cash is gone, And credit — I, alas ! have none. My wits may furnish me again With Burgundy f and rich Champaigne, * What shall I do} Quid jam misero mihi denique restat. Virgil, t My wits may furnish me again With Burgundy, &c] We imagine that this alludes to a little piece of ingenuity prac- tised not long ago oa a certain innkeeper of Richmond. Boni- face boasted that he had some of the best Burgundy in England, and Mr. wished to ascertain if he boasted justly, he there- fore ordered two dozen to be sent him by way of trial. The wine arrived, and, all things considered,' the price was moderate, not more than eight pounds per dozen t but this was not at all material to Mr. who admired the tlavor so much,, that he resolved to have the remainder ; but the owner most un- reasonably refused to send it him until the first was paid for. In vain did the disappointed statesman exclaim with Horace, O cives ! cives ! quserejjda pecunh primum est Virtus post numrnos. Boniface understood him literally, and Mr was obliged THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 29 to leave Richmond without the Burgundy ; he, however, had the consolation of getting the first two dozen at the cheapest rate. Some months afterwards the clamorous innkeeper called in G e street, and insisted that his bill should be paid : Mr. — » appeared very glad to see him, promised instantly to comply with his request, and enquired if the remainder of the wine were sold ; being answered in the negative, he immediately quitted the room, for the purpose of giving honest Boniface a chech, but perceiving his carriage at the door he inadvertently got into it, and never even thought of giving the coachman a check till he arrived at Richmond. Mrs. Boniface, when she beheld Mr. alight, exclaimed, " Lard bless me sir, how unlucky ! my husband is gone to town on purpose to wait on your honor, and you have unfortunately miss'd one another/' ■ " I have seen your hus- band," replied Mr. , " and every thing is settled. I have moreover purchased the remainder of that Burgundy, and you must order it to be instantly packed behind my carriage, for I have a large party to dine with me, and cannot wait for the usual conveyance." The good woman, elated by what she heard, gave the necessary orders, and the wine and Mr. were' driven back to London. Soon after, Boniface returned, and his wife flew to congratulate him on the success of his journey.—" Suc- cess !" exclaimed he most furiously. " Yes, have not you seen Mr. V " Seen him ! yes, but he gave me the slip, and be d— — d to him !" A mutual eciaircisment now took place : the husband rav'd, the wife storm'd, and both of them swore Mr, ■ was the d—dest s— «~-r in Christendom, 30 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, But, driven out of Place and Court, Ah ! where shall Sherry look for Port ? * Mr. Sh — 1 — r, wine merchant, was also duped in a somewhat similar manner, cum multis aliis, sed — — — Crimine ab uno Disce ornnes, Virgil. * Ah ! where shall Sherry look for Port.] Hen quae nunc telius, inquit, quae me cequora possunt Accipere ! ■ ■ ■■ Virgil. We have only to add that the Thames is sufficiently deep and extremely handy for Mr. S n's reception : we, however, advise him to wash his face with cold water previous to immer- sion, lest the intense heat thereof should occasion an explosion fatal to divers erections on the banks of the river. EPISTLE IV FROM THE RIGHT HON. W. W— — M TO HIS FRIEND T. W. C KE, ESQ. With the discharge of passions so opprest, Disturl'd in brain, and pensive in Jiis breast, Full of those thoughts which make th' unhappy sad, And by Imagination half grown mad. Otway, Dear C ke, the wind has chang'd again ; I know not how to steer; Whether with old friends still to sail 3 Or after new ones veer. 32 ¥HE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. c 2. Variety delights my soul,* And Novelty's my bliss; I like to dash at every thing, And care not, hit or miss. Ye Gods ! what schemes we had in view f To benefit the nation, Had we not been, unluckily, Sent from Administration. * Variety delights my sou?, &c] Vixit intequalis clavum ut mutaret in horas. Hofc. t Ye Gvds what schemes ive had in view, &c] Mr. W— d— m probably alludes to those prodigious conceptions which L — d G lie assured us the late Administration had in petto, and prodigious they must have been to render their birth so tedious. (vide L— d G He's speech on the M— -s of St — ff— rd's un- fortunate motion) probably, among other great designs, it was the intention of the late Administration to send Sir S, Achmuty a further supply of two days ammunition. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 33 4. I had prepaid a glorious bill, This sweeping clause containing, That bull dogs,* bulls, and fighting cocks Should all be put in training. 5. These roaring, barking, crowing corps Were all to have been taught, A grand and novel kind of drill By men with science fraught. * Bull-dogs, lulls, and fighting cocJis, &c. ] There is more impartiality than consistency of friendship in the late Right Hon. S — cr — ry's intention of not even exempting his dearest con- nections from the operation of his purposed bill. Our readers must recollect that Mr. W — il — m, upon a former occasion, as manfully maintained the Rights of bull-dogs, bulls, and fight- ing cocks, as Mr. G — y once did the Rights and Liberty of the Press * But Mr. G — y has since endeavoured to shackle the one, * See the Devil and the Patriot, a moral tale, which we have annexed to these intercepted epistles. 34 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. The bull corps* should have been my ozcm, The cock corps chicken T — yl— r's; And H — w— k should have taught the dogs To fight like British sailors. and Mr. W — & — m would have subjected the others to all the inconveniences of military discipline. " Ah ! ^hat is friendship but a name f Goldsmith. * The Bull corps, &c] Should the present ministers conde- scend to carry Mr. W — d — m's scheme intp execution, we sincere- ly hope they will so far forget alj party prejudices as to gratify that Right Hon. Gentleman with the command he sighs for, unless indeed Sir J N— — t should be thought more practised in the art of lull training. Nor ought they, in our opinion, to alter the arrangements with respect toT — d H — y P — y and Mr. W — tb — d for we apprehend that geese and donkeys will most readily attain perfection in the military art, when instructed by officers— sui eneris. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 7. If P — y 5 prattling, pliant boy, For a command had sigh'd, The geese should have been ballotted, Rather than he denied. 8. Of such a corps he'd surely prove A very fit commander ; For geese would willingly be drill'd By such an able gander. 9. S — m W — t — — d too, who of my friends Among the foremost classes, Should soon have been appointed to A regiment of asses.* * 4 regiment of asses ] Had Mr. W— d— is and his colleagues continued in office, they would have found a whole army of these D 2 3'0 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 10. Just such a corps he headed once Against a noble peer, Then fiercely foamM his fury forth, Like froth of table beer* passive animals extremely convenient. Such troops would en- dure four months confinement in narrow transports without a murmur, and patiently remain either in Falmouth harbour or elsewhere, till the Colonial Secretary had determined where to send them, or till their gallant Commander had secured his par- liamentary seat at a general election; added to this, they would as soon be commanded by a brewer or Lt. Col. Cr — f-rd, as by the most experienced general in his Majesty's service. The im- patience of action and thirst of victory which distinguishes our present military forces, must have proved extremely embarrassing to the cautious and deliberate projections of the late Administra- tion. * Like froth from table beer.] It is to be observed, that Mr, W m carefully avoids comparing the foam of Mr. W d's indignant jaws, to the froth of that honorable gentleman's own un- polluted beer, probably lest an'action should be commenced against him had he ventured to assimilate such deleterious matter, and the THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 11. Though justice fought on M — Iv — lie's side, And S — mmy was defeated, Who can forget how masterly The man of grains* retreated ? immaculate spume of that most wholesome beverage. A caution which appears by no means unnecessary, when it is considered that Mr. G — rr — w, during last term, moved the Court of K. B. for a criminal information against the editors of certain newspa- pers, for having presum'd to assert, that divers poison- ous drugs were intermingled with the porter of Messrs. W d and Co. We understand, however, that all these prosecutions will be most prudently dropt — possibly from an apprehension that certain druggists would not give such evidence as would ensure conviction. * The man of grains, &c] In the original it is written u The man of trains, &c ; but this must have been an unintentional error, for Mr. W -- «-— m could not be guilty of such a gro?s misnomer ! 38 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 12. ! For you, my C — Ice,* I had designed A turkey cock brigade ; Then Norfolk men of Gallic foes Had never been afraid. 13, But, oh ! it little matters now To tell what I intended ; For all my hopes| are overthrown, And all my glories ended. * For you, my C ke, &c] How wonderfully anxious the Right Hon. Gentleman was to provide all his friends with suitalh commands : but for the late unfortunate change, of ministers, not a man of them would have been neglected, from Mr. C~ke down to Lieut. Colonel Cr — f— rd. f For all mij hopes are overthrown?^ Occidit, occidit Spes omnis et fortuna. Hor„ L. 4. O. 6. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 39 Farewell to plans, to which my heart So fondly was attached ; Plans, upon which I sat so long, And had so nearly hatch* d J* \$, Not Norfolk lost,! so griev'd my soul. When you and I were ousted, As thus to be expelled the nest, Where I so snugly roosted. * And had so nearly hatch'd.] We apprehend, from the long time these wonderful projects were hatching, that Mr. W rn's eggs must have been addled ; a circumstance x Inch, owing to vast anxiety of mind, might not occur to him. t Norfolk lost.] It is impossible for us to suppress our sorrow at the sad recollection of this unfortunate catastrophe. Oh ! wo- man ! woman ! " fair defect of nature !" 'twas you who robb'd us of Paradise, and you who drove Messrs. C-ke and WV-d-rti 40 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 16. \ But cease, my goose quill, cease awhile This melancholy strain ; To speak of sorrows such as these Is to renew their pain.* from the representation of the county of Norfolk. The story is thus related : Two ladies of the first respectability drove about the county to canvass for Col. W dh se, and as they were universally respected, their success was proportionably great. Messrs. C-ke and W— dh -m were much chagrined at this cir- cumstance ; at length, however, the latter gentleman's inventive genius devised a plan by which he hoped to turn it to their own advantage. Having procured two naughty loves, somewhat re- sembling these " fair petitioners," whom they were destined to personate, he arrayed them in similar apparel, and having pro- cured a carriage which formerly belonged to one of these ladies, they canvassed another part of the county in favor of Messrs. C. and W. the trick, however, was discovered, and so indig- nant were Col. W\s fair friends, that they instigated their hus- bands and friends to petition Parliament against the Sheriffs return: thus did the means by which Mr. W. hoped to defeat Col. W. contribute to the overthrow of himself and friend. — Neque lex est justior ulla Quam necis artifices arte perire sua. Ovid. * Is to renew their pain.] Infandum renovare dolores. Virgil. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 41 17- Adieu, my friend, and since we can No longer dupe the nation, May Heav'n, and Earth, and H — 11 perplex The New Administration.* t May heaven, and earth, and hell, &c. A very charitable and truly patriotic wish ! ■ EPISTLE V. FROM SIR J—HN N- T, AN IRISH EX-MINISTER IN ENGLAND, TO THE D— OF B D, AN EN- GLISH EX-MINISTER IN IRELAND. Qui dedit hoc hodie, eras si volet auferet, ut si fasces indigno detrahet idem. Hoi$. Dear B—df — d, by Jasus ! it grieves me to send Such terrible news — but our reign's at an end. Och ! curse on the Catholic claims ! — I must own j wish in my shoul we had let them alone. But who cou'd imagine such, ills would arise prom measures which Gr— -nv— -He and H — w — k* thought wise ? * Which G lie and H k thought wise.] We are at a loss to comprehend whether Sir J-hn means to insinuate that 44 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. I'll state the case clearly — but cannot spake plain* The thing has so cursedly bodtherd my brain, You must therefore excuse a little confusion, Altho' / begin with a sort of conclusion. only these two noble lords felt convinced of the wisdom of the proposed measure, or if he merely expresses himself synecdochu cally, intending that a part should be taken for the whole of the then Administration. Now bodies universally follow their heads; nor is it absolutely necessary that heads should be gifted with superior understanding, or even with the smallest particle of Irains to produce this general tendency: as for example, where- ever the beast of Balaam turned his head, thither also did his body direct its way, and it is an established fact, that to whatever point of the compass the Irainless head of a ship be directed, the hull, i. e. the body thereof, always pursues a similar course : it therefore should appear, that Sir J-hn, by mentioning the two heads of the late Adm~n~str— t~on, L — ds G. and H. could not mean otherwise than that the whole body of Ministers im- plicitly followed their way of thinking, and that " It was their duty to proceed Wherever they might choose to lead." And yet how are we to reconcile this construction with a subse- quent part of this epistle, where it is hinted that two Members of the C~ b— n— t were troubled with certain qualms of conscience qi\ the subject But Sir J^hn was lorn in Ireland ! THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 43 A twelvemonth ago, that big friend of the people,* Who now serves the state-under Westminster steeple, * That big friend of the people.] The Right Hon. Baronet evidently alludes to his deceased friend Mr. F--x, and when the whole of that great mans conduct is considered, the title appears peculiarly just. When first he came into office under the auspices of Lord North, he marked his friendship for the people at large by his particular anxiety to relieve the Electors of Middlesex from the unnecessary trouble of choosing their own representative. Soon after, finding that his powers were somewhat more limited than he wished, he threatened to resign his seat at the Treasury Board, unless they and his salary were encreased ; a threat which the following intimation from Lord North prevented his carrying into execution. " Sir, His Majesty has been pleased to make out a new list of Lords- of the Treasury, among whom I do not see your name? Thus deprived of the opportunity of manifesting his friendship for the people by deeds, he supported their rights by the most violent philippics against the Minister, whom he de- clared to be " a man so void of integrity that he should even be afraid to trust himself alone in his company." And yet he after- wards coalesced with this abominable character, doubtless for the sole purpose of serving the -people more effectually as a Minister : in which capacity lie signally manifested his attention to their in- terests by the introduction of his celebrated East India Bill, which would have enabled him to provide for numerous individuals, had 46 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. Persuaded the House to a new resolution ,* Which shook to the centre our fam'd Constitution. not himself and his bill been thrown out together* His friend^ ship for the people has also been remarkably displayed by the em- bassy on which he sent Mr. R 1 Ad r to the late Empress of Russia— -by his anxiety to introduce the blessings of the French Revolution— by his late coalition with Lord Gr — nv-lle — by his judicious distribution of places, pensions, and honors — by his con- senting to come again into office, and most particularly by his con- senting to go out of the world ! Extinctus amabitur idem. Hon, f Persuaded the House to a new resolution, &c] We cannot take upon ourselves to determine if Sir J-lm alludes to the Bill permitting L-d G lie to be at once first Lord of the T y and Auditor of the Exch— q — r, or to the circumstance of giving L — d E gh a seat in the Cabinet. The first was certainly a very wise measure, and is another striking proof of Mr. F-x's friendship for the people. It is of the utmost consequence to the nation that the Treasury accounts should be correctly stated, and faithfully audited, and who could be so well qualified for this important office as the person through whose hands all the money is supposed to pass ? With regard to the second, we are decidedly of opinion that the principle of giving the Chief Justice a seat in THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 47 And Ministers thought, sure enough, if the Nation Cou'd tolerate that, it must love toleration. They, therefore, intending ail parties to please. And make their broad-bottoms feel seated at ease, Determin'd to win the poor Papists affections, And gain their support* at all future elections, the Cabinet, and tlms making him, in all state prosecutions, both judge and advocate, is constitutionally excellent; but we apprehend it has been found extremely inconvenient in practice, for we have great reason to suspect that Lord E. was one of those who dis- approved of the Catholic clauses in the late unfortunate Mutiny Bill ; Nay, we have heard that his Lordship opposed them with the same unpardonable warmth that he has frequently manifested against traitors, swindlers, gamblers, and other equally respectable personages, to their great discouragement and discomfiture. Alas! that evil should spring out of good. * And gain their support, &c] We heard a fastidious critic observe that this line was nonsense, because Papists are not entitled to vote, and therefore could not be of any service to Ministers at a General Election ; but we, on the contrary, assert it to be as ml lligible English as if it had been written by a native of Mid- dlesex, for although Papists have no power of voting themselves, 3 48 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. G — y (H — vv — k I mean) brought forward a motion To give them command both on shore and on ocean, Which he manag'd so well, and wrapt up so neatly, We hop'd to deceive the good K — g most completely, And cause him to swallow this Catholic Pill, Made up in the form of a Mutiny Bill. The Cabinet Council approv'd of the plan, \ And thought our friend H — w — k a wonderful man; Although, when the thing was discussed, it is said, 4 Two Members* some scruples of conscience betray 'd. it is very evident that they have considerable influence over the minds of persons who are not so disqualified, and Quifacit per alium facit per se. Besides Sir J— hn might have ascertained that the indulgences granted in the Mutiny Bill were to have been succeeded by com- plete emancipation. * Two Members some scruples of conscience betray'd.] We ap- prehend Lords S th and E r, because we never understood that the other members of the cabinet had any con- sciences at all. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 49 By Jasus ! 'twas strange the spalpeens* cou'd not see How much 'twas their int'rest that all shou'd agree ; I wish to St. Patrick they both had been me. Howe'er, lest their scruples shou'd cause much delay? They wisely resolv'd to keep out of the way: And all seem'd proceeding as Ministers wish'd, When lo ! on a sudden, we found ourselves dish'd.f Sp — nc — r P— re— v— 1 first, devil burn him ! began, With cursed palaver, to bother our plan : Och i his speeche to be sure was brimful of reason, To shew that our bill was a species of treason ; * Spalpeens.] We have searched in vain Johnson's, Bailey's, Sheridan's, and the dictionary of the vulgar tongue, for an expla- nation of this word. Perhaps Sir J. will favour us with the meaning thereof. t Dish'd.'] Here we were more fortunate ; for in the dictionary last mentioned in the preceding note, we find the word completely ruin d," &fc,**-Alas, poor* souls! we pity them. E 50 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. But we car'd not for that the worth of a shilling, ' Well knowing our friends were both ready and willing To vote (right or wrong) in support of our wishes, While we kept the keys of the loaves and thejishes : And therefore it matter'd not what he might say, * Or C — nn— ng, his friend, or my L— d C— stl— gh, l£ we cou'd have persuaded the K — g to compound The oath which he took at the time he was crowned; But somehow or other they open'd his eyes, -j* And prov'd we had told him a parcel of I— s. J * Had Sir J-hn been an Englishman, we should have objected to the rhymes " say" and C — stl — r — gh" and also to " ocean" and " motion" in a preceding couplet ; but, as he was born in Ireland, we think he may be allowed the use of Irish rhymes. f They operid his eyes" Turn vero manifesta fides Danaumq. patescunt Insidiae. Virg. JE. II. v. 305. | And provd we had told him a parcel of lies.] This is consi- derably at variance with the statement of two Noble Lords, in THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 51 His M— j— sty then made a big botheration, And bade us all walk out of Administration. On my conscience this blow was quite unexpected ; For, although our Catholic Bill was rejected, No man among all of us harbour'd a doubt, That the bringing it in wou'd bring us all out. If Nature had not on the whole of our class Most kindly bestowed a profusion of brass, We'd feel quite asham'd to exhibit our faces, Now turn'd with bad characters out of good places ; their parliamentary defence; and we are at a loss whether to believe Sir J-hn's confidential communication, or their Lordship's exculpatory assertions. The public must decide, if it be more probable that a late Minister should relate facts in a private or public situation. Since writing the above, Lord S th, by his manly and elo- quent speech on the Marquis of Stafford's motion, has opened our eyes, 52 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. For people declare, since they've witness'd our fall, " All the Talents" * display'd No talents AT ALL. * All THE TALENTS display'd no Talents at all.] This appa- rent Irishism may be easily explained ; for, when it is considered how the late Administration was formed, it does not appear im- probable that all the Talents of the different component parts should have completely neutralized each other, and thus have rendered them collectively— a caput mortuum ! EPISTLE VI. FROM THE RIGHT HON. L~ D H Y P Y, THE LATE LITTLE C R OF THE EX R, TO LORD T LE, THE LATE STUPENDOUS P— M— R OF THE F S. Haec trementi questus ore constitit, Insignibus raptis, puer. Hor. Epod, 0.5, 1. My sorrows, dear T — mp— le, to thee I cannot forbear to impart ; For silence, in wretches like me, Would fracture the overfraught heart * Would fracture the over-fraught heart.] The grief that does not speak Whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break. Shakespear, 54 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, ,'--■'■■' ■■ ■ - . ■ ■ ~ mj ■ ■■■ ■ " ■ i . ■ — When robb'd of its rattle or teat, The baby such agony feels As I, only not quite so great, Now reft of my office and seals. Cut, cut, is the thread of my hope, My fall is more bitter than aloes ; When Jack Ketch dissever'd the rope, Thus Plolloway* fell from the gallows. # T/wa Holloway, &c] One of the unfortunate gentlemen, whose elevation before the Debtors' Door, Newgate, occasioned such serious disasters: he fell for the good of his Country, and so did Lord H — y P — y, the comparison therefore is extremely just, THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 55 4. I once as a monkey was gay, In ball-rooms was constantly skipping ; And e'en in the senate, like G — -y,* I have been full often found tripping. 5. I now like a donkey am dull, Dejected I hang down my head ; And all the concave of my skull Appears to be loaded with lead.f *Like G y.] Evidently a slap in the face for the Right Hon. Lord H — k, who, when recently dancing to the old tune of The Catholics Fancy, or Lord Fingal's Delight, most awkwardly tript up, not only his own, but also his partners' heels. t appears to le loaded with lead.] Plautus, speaking of such great men as little Lord P — y, says, Si quid peccatum est plumleas iras gerunt. Which most satisfactorily explains the cause of his Lordship's leaden malady. 56 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 6. My poor little bosom begins To hate all assemblies and routs ; Such pleasures belong to the inns ; But grief is the lot of the outs. 7. To witness my air in the dance Has often delighted the fair ; And something forbodes they may chance To witness — my dance in the air. \ t To witness my dance in the air."] We don't exactly compre- hend the nature of his Lordships alarms : probably he may be apprehensive that a time will come when he must cease to play the Merry Andrew in the Senate, and be driven, by dire necessity, to exhibit on the tight rope either at Astley's, Sadler's Wells, or in the neighbourhood of St. Bartholomew Fair. We are anxious to know if Messrs. Sh n, W m, and F — tzp k are troubled with similar forebodings ? — As to his Lordship, we are clearly of opinion that his fears are vain ; for we consider THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 57 8. Bad company* taught me to sin ? Bad company still is my bane ; But if I could once more get in, I ne'er would be naughty again, f 9. F~x, Sh~ n, Wh— — d, and G— y, So flatter'd the pride of my youth, That I was deluded avvav From 1 ty, duty, and truth. him so eminently qualified for the part he now sustains, that no- thing will prevent his exhibitions in the House of C — mm— ns, unless some fatal accident should send him to the House of * Bad Company, &c] The old story—Vide Newgate Calendar, and divers dying speeches. t / ne'er will he naughty again.] We sincerely hope his Lord* ship will never again be led into temptation* 58 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. ■ ■ ■ . ■ «■ ■ — — — ~- 10. F--x swore that the glories of Pitt Would soon be eclipsed by my fame ; D— k S n swore I had wit, S--m Wh d and G — y vow'd the same, 11. In Pitt's robe of office array 'd, I hop'd for a lion to pass ; But, ah ! in the senate I bray'd, And shew'd 1 was only an ass* 12. How sudden, how lofty my flight, My fall how tremendously quick ; The rise of the rocket was bright ; It fell an unluminous stick. * I was only an ass.] A pretty allegory— but not quite new. ■THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. SO 13. What steps shall we take to regain The seats where we recently shone ? I fear we shall labor in vain, While rectitude governs the throne. 14. But industry still perseveres,* Let's rally and labor like bees ; t We'll buz round the Minister's ears ; Though sting less, we know how to teize. * But industry still perseveres.] His Lordship may probably think with Virgil, that " Labor omnia vincit improbus." — Now there are two ways of construing the adjective " improbus : in one sense " improbus labor signifies hard labor, but in the other, dishonest or disgraceful labor. Which of these constructions is most applicable in the present instance, the public must deter- mine. 9 f Like bees,] Vide the Landsdown motto and crest. 60 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 15, Dear T--mp— e, our conduct defend, And think Labor ipse voluptas ; First try re? ho nest as, my friend, Ft tunc (as in Hampshire) corruptas.* * Et tunc (as in Hampshire) corruptas.) We wish his Lordship would write English ; it is really a melancholy task for poor critics to be continually referring to Ainsworth's Dictionary, and that not unfrequently without obtaining a satisfactory explanation ; as, in the present instance, we found " corruptas, a, urn" to be an adjective, signifying corrupt, rotten, wicked, whereas his Lord- ship has used it as a substantive; but we imagine res, i, e. things, may be understood by Lord T e, Mr. H — rb — rt, and Mr. Th — stl — w — te. If our readers do not exactly comprehend this note, we T>eg to refer them to the Baton Grammar made easy. The following Epistle and Tale, although not of the same nature as the before-going, may, we think, be admitted into our little volume without impro- priety. They were both written before the late lamentable fall of The TALENTS; the latter nearly two years back, when Mr. G — y moved the House to have the Editor of the Oracle taken into custody for an alleged breach of privilege, he having ventured, most spiritedly, to express his detestation of Mr. Wh — b — d's conduct towards Lord M— lv— le. N. B. The said Mr. G— y was once a Member of the L — nd— n C — rr — sp — nd — ng Society, and a great stickler for the Liberty of the Press. He now is L — d H — w — k. AN EPISTLE, TO A FATHER-IN-LAW AT S T H E, FROM HIS SON-IN-LAW IN NEWGATE. Infelix gener et dignus Sh ne parente. While in a dismal dungeon's dampness I Swear unregarded, unsupported lie, You, at your ease, with all the pomp of place, With players, Perry, Homan, or his Grace, Display the blushing honors of your face, And live on those whose speculative skill Is hasty credit and a distant bill, 64 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. By privilege from debts and bailiffs free, Nor cast a thought on misery and me. Yet by those joys she gave in early life, She whom you made a mother — not a wife ; Let her who boasts a natural* daughter's name Urge to a father's heart her husband's claim ; Her whom you gave me without paltry pelf, Like you, sweet soul ! a fortune in herself, Let her your bowels of compassion thaw, And spare, in pity spare your son-in-law. \ If in the C— mm-n's H — se no mercy dwell, My last resourse is S n or Hell. Heaven knows the wisest men sometimes mistake, E'en you, my father, you have err'd like Drake. None can remember — Yes ! I know all must, How to 0'C--nn--r and his merits just, * Genus huic de patre superbum sed de matre ijothum. f Flectere si nequeo superos, Acherouta movebo. — ViRG= THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 65 — ■ ; ' ■ . ■ " ~ When at the bar we saw the culprit stand, And, horror-struck, hold up his trait'rous hand, When Sc--tt, all eloquent, the charges prest, And brought conviction home to every breast ; E'en Pi— m-T shrunk unequal from the" strife, And Treason trembled for her Votary's life. You in that hour a guardian daemon # came, And prov'd your friendship not an empty name, You with your lips the sacred volume prest, And bade the God of Truth your truth attest; " So help me God ! I solemnly declare, Truth, the whole truth, and noughl but truth I swear; I know him well, so great his merits deem, He has my friendship, confidence, esteem; Without reserve, incapable of art, He told me every secret of his heart, * Daemon.] " A good or evil angel ;" in this iastaiio e, of course, good, F 66 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. « - ■ fassssaft ■ — *=»■ To me his views, his principles are known, Whig Views, Whig Principles, and all my own. I swear (and let my oath's sure pledge have weight) Like me, he's well affected to the state; Like me, of French fraternity afraid, He shudders at the thought of foreign aid." What did I swear P I swore, alas ! 'tis true ? That you had private dealings with a Jew ; * Had urgd P— U's friends his int'rest to betray, And tamper'd with them —in an honest way. This, this was all I said, or swore, or meant, This " of my guilt's the frout and full extent." Grim Gr--y, with verjuic'd visage, cried, hear! hear! Storm'd the loud Taylor, foarnd the Man of Beer, j Freedom's Asylum, with one honest No ! Doom'd me to Newgate, slav'ry, want, and woe. * j] 1 — -, an old clothesman, voted for S. f The C— mm— ns house — the nursery of freedom, the asylum of liberty, &c.-~ See Mr. Romiley's speech on Lord M— lv— He's trial. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, 67 ■>* " . ■ ' We both have errd, but here the likeness ends : A different fate the same offence attends ; The N — y's T ! — y 5 * a glorious prize, Is your's ; my recompence in Newgate lies. But let your daughter's tears and pray rs prevail, And save me from the horrors of a gaol : Think of the poet's memorable line, " To err is human, to forgive divine." * Ille crucem pretium sceleris tulit, hie diadems. THE DEVIL AND THE PATRIOT, A TALE. Insequar et vultus ossea forma tuos Me vigilans cemes : tacitis ego noctis in umbris Excutiam somnos, A'isus adesse, tuos. Ovid, 1. The torrents roar'd, the north blast howl'd, The lightning flash'd, the thunder growl'd, Mud choak'd th' o'erflowing drains ; Th' affrighted moon withdrew her light, The watch cried — " Twelve o'clock at night!" And d d the pelting rains. 70 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 3. When giant, ghastly, growling G^-y, As snoring on his back he lay, Beheld, with fearful eyes, A goblin grim approach his bed, And through the curtains thrust his head, Crying— Ch s G- — y arise I 3. The statesman shriek'd — a clammy sweat Burst from his brow, and made it wet, As if with water spatter'd ; Long time to speak in vain he tried 2 Yet, tho' by fear his. tongue was tied* His teeth most loudly chatter 'd. THE -GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 71 At length, he feebly said, " Dear sprite, Say how have I provok'd your spite ? Why that revengeful grin ? Have I done ought that does displease you ? If so — speak — how can I appease you ? How expiate my sin ?" The goblin answer'd with a howl, Like the hoarse screechings of an owl, Or Tom-cat's am'rous note : " Behold !" he cried, {l thou cruel man. This meagre frame, this visage wan, This long, lean 3 withered throat 72 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. Then ask for mercy, if you dare, For, wretch, you must be well aware 'Twas you cau'd all my evil : 'Twas you who stoppd my mortal breath ; No wonder I 'm &jiend in death, Who died — a Printer s Dcvih 7. How dard'st thou, shameless man, profess, To be the guardian of the Press, Its best and firmest friend ? And yet, with frantic eloquence, Upon a recent mean pretence, Against its Rights contend ? THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 73 8. Do modern patriots act like you ? Alas 'tis clearly proved they do ! There needs no proof that's stronger — You re all the Press's fastest friends, Just while it suits your private ends, But not a moment longer. 9. 'Tis true, you did no other harm Than causing a profound alarm To my poor timrous master; Who having printed ev ry week The Cibels which he heard you speak. Dreaded some dire disaster, 74 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, 10. He therefore swore, altho' your friend^ Such conduct he'd no more defend, And turn'd off all his devils ; From which misjudged resolve arose, As you may very well suppose, My complicated evils. 11. For I could find nor work nor meal, And devils that have nought to eat In th' upper world, must die ; ( But devils of the shades beneath Nothing can starve or put to death, Such devil now am I. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 75 But you, false Statesman, still shall find Pevils of ev'ry place and kind, Not dev'lish kind to you ; And since you once prov'd so uncivil To me, who was a Printer's devil, The Devil [shall have his due ! 13, I'll pound your hated bones to nought I" And then his arm, as Ch — s G — y thought, He lifted to attempt it ; But at the first imagined stroke, Th' affrighted statesman screaming woke, And found he only dreamt it. FINIS. Pinned b) J. D. DeVick,' Alders&ale-slreet. BOOKS Published by TIPPER and RICHARDS. LEADENH ALL-STREET. £. s. d. Elegant Extracts, from the best Writers, in Prose, in 1 vol. large 8vo. hoards* 18 — from the best Writers in Verse, 8vo. hoards 18 • 1 containing Letters of the most celebrated Men in Antient and Modern Times, 8vo. hoards O 14 O Brookes's General Gazetteer, 8vo. hound.. . O iO 6 Johnson's English Dictionary, 2 vol. 4to hound 4 4 O 8vo. ditto . .0 10 6 _> abridged in a neat Pocket Volume, ditto 3 Boyer's French and English Dictionary, 4to ditto i 2 2 _ _- 8vo. ditto 12 O Edgar ; or, Caledonian Feuds, a Tragedy. By George Manners, Esq 2 6 An Admonitory Letter to His Royal High- ness the Prince of Wales, on the late delicate Enquiry 2 Strictures on Mr. Cobbett's unmanly Ob- servations on that Subject, and a Reply to the Answer to the Admoniiory Letter. By the same Author. 2 () Luxmoore's Observations on the Prevention and Cure of Ruptures 2 Q A Medical Catalogue (delivered Gratis), comprising a List of the m st valuable Works on Medicine, Surgery, Pharmacy, and Chemistry, which are sold by Tipper and Richards. This Day is Published, tn 1 vol. 8vo. Price Qs. in Boards. NAPOLEON, AND THE FRENCH PEOPLE UNDER HIS EMPIRE. ■By the Author of Bonaparte and the French People under his Consulate, TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN. Messrs. Tipper and Richards respectfully announce the publication of the above. The translator has executed his part with exemplary ability; he has availed himself of the advantages of a long and literary residence in Germany, to enrich the volume with many original observations and interesting facts, derived from high and unquestionable sources. In his preface, he has in- troduced a more accurate and authentic detail of the circumstances, which led to the catastrophe of Palm, than has yet appeared, and his additions to the appendix are numerous and important. The public have been already apprised, that this galling me j morial of the mad and malignant excesses of Napoleon, is the pro- duction of a nobleman, who stands high on the list of continental diplomatists. His name, were Messrs. T. and R. at liberty to disclose it, would secure to his work a proud and permament cele- brity ; but the usurper of the throne of the Bourbons never forgives^ and they do not feel themselves justified in consigning, from inter- ested motives, an individual " whose desert speaks loud'* to the vindictive pursuit of the merciless Corsican. Experience has proved, that the weapons of ordinary warfare are powerless, when opposed to the artful intrigues, and lavish bribes, •f the emissaries of Buonaparte. To realise anew the universal empire of Charlemagne, is the avowed, or ill-concealed, object of his ambition. His military establishments, his new-created nobility, his legionaries of honour, are feebly aped from the heroic chivalry ©f the illustrious grandson of Charles Martel. To his unprincipled machinations but one effectual barrier can be opposed; public opinion, expressed and fostered by its only legitimate organ — a free press. On the continent, the original of the present work has been sup- pressed, but the British press is still free from the controul, still unshackled by the stipulations of its declared and desperate enemy, and through its pure and fearless medium, the author now makes his energetic appeal to the hearts and heads of Englishmen. A few remaining copies may be had, price 7s. in boards, of the second edition Of Bonaparte and the French People under his Consulate, crc_ 4£ C C «3~ 4 ^<^ C Cf * .^£r - K, c c c C^S ^^ s=- C' j C