PS 
 
Class 
 
 3SU 
 
 %^. 
 
 
 COPYRlGirr DEPOSIT. 
 
THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 
 
The Strange Adventures 
 of Captain Runnelstoke 
 
 BY 
 
 Alfred James Fritchey 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 THE COSMOPOLITAN PRESS 
 
 1912 
 
T5 3^)1 
 
 i^^a. 
 
 Copyright, 1912, by 
 Alfred James Fritchby 
 
 ^ CI. A 31203 
 
When I see how poets wrangle 
 O'er the Muse they almost strangle. 
 I have laughed until my sides 
 Ached, at such poetic hides. 
 There's one way to woo the Muse, 
 Let her come to whom she choose, 
 Where she will and when she will, 
 Then you'll write, and not until. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 I. The Origin of Titles, or the Ethics 
 
 OF Coxcombry, 9 
 
 II. The Measure of Eliteness, Being 
 Some Jauntings Among the Amber- 
 gris-Eaters, 23 
 
 III. The Seat of Authority, or Butter- 
 
 flies Will Fly and Fishes Will 
 Swim, 38 
 
 IV. The Isle of Dinosaurs, or the Anti- 
 
 quity OF Cowry, 51 
 
The Strange Adventures of 
 Captain Runnelstoke 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 THE ORIGIN or TITLES 
 
 OR 
 
 THE ETHICS OF COXCOMBRY 
 
 Now of Eunnelstoke I sing, 
 Runnelstoke, the wayfaring, 
 Runnelstoke, the wily one, 
 Who the wondrous deeds hath done. 
 
 In the very year before 
 Freedom swept Havana's shore, 
 Weigh'd with rum, a thousand tuns, 
 For the Gold Coast thirsty ones. 
 Sailed a ship by Morro Castle, — 
 Cuba then to Spain was vassal, — 
 As the flying fishes scatter, 
 As the sun, a golden platter, 
 Twinkled on the Cuban blue. 
 With a Solic wink or two. 
 Runnelstoke is on the bridge. 
 
10 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 NoAv the lights a-studded gleam 
 On the far receding shore. 
 
 Like the harbour of a dream. 
 Maybe, too, some witching eyes, 
 
 Latent with Castilian fire, 
 Waken palm-girt memories. 
 
 That wonld dare to home aspire 
 In the heart of Runnelstoke, 
 That no sailor's oath could choke. 
 
 Seven bells, — and in the sea 
 Of Sargasso now are we; 
 Seaweed here, seaweed there, 
 Seaweed floating everywhere; 
 Miles of it and piles of it, 
 
 In luxuriance indeed, 
 And wherever flits the eye, 
 
 Back it lights on more seaweed. 
 
 Some there are, can still be found. 
 
 Who of this same sea avow 
 Ships go sailing round and round. 
 
 With a figurehead a-prow: 
 Happiness that form, I'm told, 
 And her cargo's lined with gold; 
 Tho' her sailing long hath gone. 
 
 And her spars are split and bent, 
 Yet she sails forever on, 
 
 And arrives — from where she went. 
 Fair winds and the schooner bore 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKB 11 
 
 Off the coast of Afrie's shore, 
 When a mighty storm appeai-s, 
 And a whirlwind adds its fears, 
 Like the Indian Sea's monsoon 
 Came a-wooing here in June. 
 Kolling, monster surges cast 
 Whitened spra}^ o'er deck and mast. 
 Over jib-boom spar and o'er 
 Hatch and poop with mighty roar; 
 Cinnamon was all the sky. 
 
 And the hurricane's wild mood 
 Rode on billows mountain high, 
 And was speeding now too nigh 
 
 For the schooner to elude. 
 (Funnel-shaped, 'twill be allowed. 
 Is the regulation cloud.) 
 
 Runnelstoke was pacing after, 
 When he heard loud shrieks of lauglitei- 
 Coming from the cargo's cover 
 And his ire bubbled over. 
 For he deemed that mirth had come 
 Somehow from his casks of rum. 
 So, with rage beyond control, 
 Down the ladder quick he stole: 
 Maudlin, I am 'shamed to say 
 
 Was the crew, and worse tban swine 
 Acted noble intellects 
 
 That have oft been called divine. 
 Runnelstoke. in dire distress 
 
12 THE STEANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 At his sober loneliness, 
 
 Took a spike and beat tattoo 
 
 On the skulls of one or two; 
 
 But no beating can restore 
 
 Brains where drink hath been before; 
 
 So with benedictions he. 
 
 Of a large variety. 
 
 Dowered them for parting strain 
 
 As he sought the deck again. 
 
 Then the storm in fury broke 
 Over crewless Eunnelstoke, 
 With a curious twisting turn, 
 Splitting ship from bow to stern; 
 Went, and in its foamy train 
 Left the sun that shone again. 
 And on Eunnelstoke alone 
 Of that cutthroat crew it shone; 
 All the rest to maudlin graves 
 Sank beneath the thirsty waves. 
 And that very rum that gave 
 
 Death to some — how Fate will joke !- 
 Destined now was it to save 
 
 From a like fate Eunnelstoke. 
 For the day the storm arose, 
 
 (Very hour mem'ry fails) 
 Eunnelstoke hid on his coat 
 
 Hammer and a pack of nails. 
 With intent to secretly 
 Build a strong box none might see. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 13 
 
 So, recurring this to him, 
 On a plank he strove to swim 
 Where the casks their noses poke, 
 And soon there was Runnelstoke. 
 Nailing planking on the rum, 
 Quite a raft he built therefrom. 
 Then on one of them he spies 
 X of an enormous size. 
 Which his mem'ry tells doth hide 
 Biscuits that he placed inside. 
 So a hole in each he cut. 
 Which with corks of wood he shut; 
 No fine dainty ever shared 
 Sweetness with those biscuits snared. 
 As from sponge in liquor sank 
 His delirious palate drank. 
 
 Thus he lived until October, 
 Alternately drunk and sober; 
 This is (tho' somewhat late season) 
 Not beyond the bar of Reason. 
 For whoever scans Religion, 
 
 Will have seen how few things are 
 Like a humming-bird bred pigeon, 
 
 Just beyond our Reason's bar. 
 
 On the fourteenth, loomed the strand 
 Of a palm-fringed tropic land, 
 Opportunely high and dry, 
 Where the huge flamingos fly, 
 
14 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Him a tidal wave now stranded; 
 Rum and biscuits with him landed. 
 Runnelstoke^ with pleasure great, 
 Saw he was the guest of Fate; 
 For on trees with fruit that teemed, 
 Mangoes and bananas gleamed; 
 Cocoanuts, with playful whim, 
 Dropped a nut or two on him; 
 And on shore, full frolicksome, 
 
 Crabs and turtles gamboled sweet; 
 And om- hero lay a-dreaming 
 
 Of the meal he soon would eat. 
 
 But to get that one desire 
 Runnelstoke must have a fire; 
 Not a quenchless flame like reigns 
 In the lovelorn hearts of swains. 
 But a flame to stomachs soothsome 
 That can make a dinner toothsome. 
 Casually he looked around 
 To explore what might be found. 
 And upon a pile of rocks 
 He discovered mica-blocks. 
 On the thin-split mica, he 
 
 Scooped a jelly-fish entire, 
 And that magnifying-glass 
 
 Gave him soon a roaring fire. 
 Then a meal he roast and basted 
 As Lucullus never tasted. 
 Then within a friendly cave 
 
OF CAPTAIN iiUNNELSTOKE 15 
 
 Which a lire-brand explores, 
 On a pile of leaves he gave 
 
 Praise to IMorpheus in snores. 
 Wakened was he by a chorus, — 
 
 Overhead the buzzing sounded. — 
 And he deemed (as soil is porous) 
 
 'Twas an apiary grounded. 
 And his tongue with longing wavered 
 For his biscuits honey flavored. 
 So for honey and to see them 
 
 Carefully he dug a pass; 
 And for fear that he might free them. 
 
 He inserted mica glass. 
 
 It was day, and all the workers 
 
 Forth had gone, for none were seen. 
 And the drones, who are the shirkers. 
 
 Staid attendance on their Queen. 
 Beautiful and iridescent 
 She, and foppishly arrayed 
 Were the drones who bowed obeisance 
 
 To the majesty she played. 
 Then it flashed upon our hero 
 
 Why in idleness they ease, 
 For the drones, whose toil is zero. 
 
 Are the nobles of the bees. 
 And the titles they endure 
 Are as follows, I am sure: 
 Holder of the Golden Anklets; 
 Looper of the Diaphanous Bodice; 
 
16 THE STKANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Fixer of the Ro3^al Garter; 
 Duster of the Queenly Feet; 
 Wiper of the Princely Mouth; 
 Trainer of the Inimitable Coiffure; 
 Designer of the Wasp-like Figure, 
 And many other sycophants 
 Crawled for honors queenship grants. 
 
 Some say men should study bees, 
 For a moral will impress; 
 
 Not for me the bitter lees 
 Of a fair queen's fickleness. 
 
 Tho' a drone I fain would be, 
 
 I prefer my queen for me. 
 
 One day thro' the jungle walking 
 
 Over leafage rank and vast. 
 Him a lion came a-stalking 
 
 For a civilized repast. 
 As he heard his heart-beats pound, 
 Came a snapping, flapping sound ; 
 In a Yenus-fly-trap lying, 
 Was the writhing monarch dying. 
 'Twixt our aim and our achievement, 
 
 What a chasm lies between us ! 
 For a many roaring lion 
 
 Still is caught by lovely Venus. 
 
 Gaudy were the birds that floated 
 O'er the tropic flowered canon; 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 17 
 
 As he caught the silver-throated 
 
 Singing from a leafy banyan. 
 Suddenly he felt a stinging 
 
 Blow: unconsciousness came o'er him, 
 x\nd he wakened to the swinging 
 
 Of three anthropoids that bore him. 
 Bore him where he was discerning 
 
 Bright huts in the sunset glancing; 
 At the cry of their returning, 
 
 Came a troop of damsels dancing. 
 Damsels, ah, so fair, entrancing! 
 
 How could fathers e'er be sponsors 
 To a marriage right a-granting 
 
 Such ourang-outang-ish monsters. 
 
 Here he learned in a fortnightal 
 
 From these first heraldic hewers, 
 That they bore the tribal title 
 
 Of the "Mighty Earth-Subduers." 
 And that formerly more ape-liko 
 In a chimpanzeeic shape-like 
 
 Were they; but thro' intermarriage 
 With the ever title-seeking 
 Auriprendians, with good reeking, 
 
 Now, more manlike was their carriage 
 And in phases of inanity 
 They now surpass humanity. 
 Of the titles maidens drew, 
 I'll enumerate a few. 
 Here were: 
 
18 THE STJiANGE ADVENTUEES 
 
 Baron-the-Eirst-Tree-Climber ; 
 
 Lord-Chaser-of-the-Parrots-and 
 
 Plucker-of-their-Golden-Feathers; 
 
 DiLke-Lover-of-the-Daneing-Squirrels 
 
 And Waster-of-the-Paternal- Acorns ; 
 
 And the Marquis-Flim-Flamingo-Chaser. 
 
 Here were also the renowned 
 
 General-Killer-of-the-Baby-Elephants; 
 
 Major-Disperser-of-the-Buzzing-Gnats; 
 
 Colonel-Decimater-of-the-Sleeping-Penguins 
 
 And Captain- Annihilator-of-the-Conics. 
 
 Came a damsel named Tubaska 
 Something, to his hut. to ask a 
 Kight before the door a-waiting, 
 Blushing, bowing, hesitating, — 
 Came to ask him, — don't disparage, — 
 Ask him for his beard in marriage! 
 Then he learned it was the fashion 
 
 (Fashion to all climes has flitted) 
 To insert a bunch of whiskers 
 
 In the bride's heel that they slitted. 
 And the toe-walk got that way 
 Is the height of style to-day. 
 He declined to, as appeared, 
 Make a foot-mat of his beard. 
 
 One day Runnelstoke went fishing. 
 
 As he entered the canoe, 
 Suddenly it went a-swishing 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKE 19 
 
 And a-down the river flew. 
 Bent to find why thus lie hastened, 
 
 Did his eyes the water scour; 
 In a wicker-hasket fastened. 
 
 Fishes were his motive power. 
 And they brought him with a splatter, 
 Where he heard a giant clatter; 
 But this feminine-like tension 
 Was a parrot-age convention. 
 
 First, one bellowed like a calf, 
 Then the whole concourse would laugh 
 As another, bowing gravely, said: 
 '^'Your Highness." 
 Then another, on a log. 
 Went a-grunting like a hog. 
 
 And the concourse, nodding gravely, said: 
 "Your Lordship." 
 Then another, standing by. 
 With a green and glassy eye, 
 Great solemnity did deign 
 As he uttered oaths profane; 
 
 Mimicking, the concourse gravely said : 
 "Your Worship." 
 Then another strutted dowdy. 
 In demeanor of a rowdy, 
 Said all gravely as before : 
 "Youi- Excellency." 
 
 Xow there came a trumpet's blare 
 And the ones thev mimed were there. 
 
20 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Squawking loud the parrots flee, 
 Barely time to climb a tree 
 Had our breathless hero, when 
 Hove in sight the Peacock-men. 
 Blare of trumpets — gilt of kings — 
 All the vultureship that brings — 
 Thousands cheered with lucr'd glee 
 For the rogues of royalty. 
 Then Who-Did-He-E'er-Make-Happy ? 
 
 King, with kingly vanity 
 Touched a kneeling figure 
 
 And improved on God's humanity. 
 ^'Sir Knight, I dub you 
 Prince of the Red Eyes." 
 And to another: "Sir Knight, I dub you 
 Duke of the Royal Paunch." 
 And to another: "Sir Knight, I dub you 
 Lord of the Improvident." 
 And to the last: "Sir Knight, I dub you 
 Peer of the Noble Dearth." 
 
 Then a deep-toned yelping veering 
 From a pack of wolves a-nearing, 
 Helter-skelter o'er the ground. 
 Nobles, princes, dukes were found, 
 In a frenzied mad endeavor 
 From all knighthood to dissever; 
 And the very first who ran 
 Was that peerless Peacock-man. 
 Majesty? Heaven, hark us! 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 21 
 
 How it ran to save its carcass ! 
 Runnelstoke, when all had fled. 
 Quickly down the tree-trunk sped, 
 And as promptly sought protection 
 In the opposite direction. 
 
 Thus he wandered on, nowhere, 
 
 Till a fragrance filled the air; 
 
 Till 'mid herbs and briar-tree 
 
 Came he on a heronry. 
 
 Egrets scattered far and wide 
 
 In their chastest plumy pride, 
 
 Like a white lace fairy-land, — 
 
 Countless numbers without end. 
 
 And they had the wondrous power, 
 
 Breeding, hatching, every hour; 
 
 But tho' thus they fret and race. 
 
 They can never keep the pace 
 
 Of the stern decrees of style; 
 
 For the savages beguile 
 
 Them, and for their white plumes bled them, 
 
 As the egrets wept to shed them. 
 
 And with stylish figure bent there 
 Was a missionary sent there, — 
 Sent there to convert the savages 
 From their fashionable ravages. 
 Like a harmless caged canary 
 Is a foreign missionary; 
 Missionary to, indeed, 
 
23 THE STRANGE ADA^ENTURES 
 
 Where their brains have gone to seed, 
 Where the greatest goodness shown 
 Is in leaving them alone. 
 But some folks from sin will win them 
 If they have to shoot it in them. 
 
 Runnelstoke, now somewhat lanker. 
 Hailed with joy a ship at anchor, 
 And her name and home-port station 
 Was our hero's destination. 
 So I chronicle full pleasant 
 Ko disasters for the present. 
 
OF CAPTAIN KUNNELSTOKE 23 
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 THE MKASUKE OF ELITENESS 
 
 BEING 
 
 SOME JAUNTINGS 
 
 AMONG THE 
 
 AMBERGRIS-EAT EKS. 
 
 Fog- of the feathciy flake! 
 
 Bridge of bridges nearing I 
 j\Iinarets that make 
 
 Dimmer shadows, peering 
 Over the billowy sea, — 
 
 Sea of the iinest down, — 
 And home again are Ave, 
 
 Home in New York town ! 
 
 Now, in the earliest white, 
 
 Straight in the harbor steaming. 
 Maybe in sleep's delight 
 
 Some one, of ns is dreaming ; 
 Maybe, too, some we loved 
 
 Won't be there to greet, 
 ]\raybe to-night, those lights so bright. 
 
 Won't shine for iis so sweet. 
 
U THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Maybe, too, ships that sail 
 
 In the uncertain flashing, 
 Out in the howling gale, 
 
 Out in the billows lashing; 
 Think, too, of ships at home, 
 
 All anchored, free from strain, 
 And maybe they pray that they, too, ma} 
 
 Come safely home again. 
 
 Silently up the bay. 
 
 Never a whistle blowing. 
 As if on this Christmas day 
 
 We are a part of the snowing; 
 For 'tis the daAl^m we love. 
 
 And now the plank is down, — 
 Yes, on the pier is some one dear,— 
 
 "Home in New York town !" 
 
 Runnelstoke again was home. 
 
 But his ship will come no more. 
 Strewn was she in flotsam chunks 
 
 On the Dahomean shore. 
 Prom the city's throngs that toss, 
 
 IJp the winding steps he hies. 
 To report the utter loss 
 
 Of his Gold Coast enterprise. 
 Malgazar, his chief, was there 
 
 And a stranger one beside; 
 With grey beard and snowy hair, 
 
 Wisdom he personified. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 26 
 
 Maps whose colors were a babel 
 
 Covered every nook and table. 
 
 On the wall, the Frost-King's palace, — 
 
 The aurora borealis, — 
 
 Twinkled on the berged hills 
 
 With a green that brought the chills ; 
 
 But his greeting was full hearty, 
 
 When recalling this same party 
 
 Left a fortune (hist'r}- teaches) 
 
 On a dozen different beaches. 
 
 "Eunnelstroke, you devil daring, 
 
 Shake hands with Professor Herring, 
 
 Who a captain bold is wanting 
 
 For a pleasant Polar jaunting.'' 
 
 Often afterwards, when came 
 
 Days that terror-racked his frame, 
 
 Wished he that he ne'er had met 
 
 Herring dried or Herring wet. 
 
 Now, howe'er, he took the proffered 
 
 Hand, and just as hearty offered. 
 
 But evinced he no elation 
 
 At this Herring's destination; 
 
 For the Pole is no fit topic 
 
 For a man just from the tropic. 
 
 But the plea that fame adds lustre 
 
 To a name imperishable. 
 Wakened hopes that would not muster 
 
 To aught else, how cherishable. 
 
26 THE STBANGE ADVENTUKES 
 
 "Tell me/' said oiir Kunnelstoke, 
 
 "And I want a fair expounder. 
 What escape would fame evoke 
 
 If the 'darned' old ship should founder?" 
 Then they had a laughing-storm, 
 
 As they led him to a corner, 
 Pointed to a curious form, 
 
 "That," said they, "is our rejoinder." 
 Like a diving-suit in show. 
 
 Only twice as large it was ; 
 Herring touched a spring, and lo, 
 
 From it came a curious huzz. 
 Huge as mail of Luna's duke, 
 
 Gutta-percha or caoutchouc, 
 In which Runnelstoke took station 
 To the others' admiration. 
 Touched a spring, shown by the two. 
 And the helmet onward flew; 
 Then another, was he dreaming? — - 
 Now he toasted, now was steaming. 
 Eunnelstoke again unsealing, 
 Herring all his joy revealing. 
 Said : "Of suits a few will do, 
 One for me ancl one for you; 
 If the ship should sink at sea, 
 Safe and dry we two would be." 
 Eunnelstoke due homage paid. 
 
 In his language not quite Sapphic-, 
 And the bargain then he made 
 
 We will simply say was graphic. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 2r 
 
 Six months later and wo view 
 Eunnelstoke, and Herring, too. 
 On the "Viking" restlessly 
 Gazing on frigidity 
 Liquified, and on for aye; 
 Far behind was Baffin Bay. 
 
 Then the sun in beauty shone 
 
 On that sea of icy green, — 
 Eegion of the vast unknown, — 
 
 For far to the north was seen 
 In a rough and broken stack, 
 Glaciers of the Polar pack, 
 Whitened in their crystal bed 
 By the snows that centuries shed. 
 
 Then there came an icy wearing, 
 Like a l)erg submerged were tearing 
 Thro' her keel and thro' her rudder, 
 And the ship gave one great shudder. 
 Barely time to touch tlie spring- 
 That his head was helmeting 
 Had our hero, Runnelstoke, 
 (For he, by a lucky stroke. 
 Had his new suit in position, 
 By a curious premonition) 
 When he felt the Polar sea 
 Merge around him icily; 
 Saw a horror-stricken face 
 Of the crew, then not a trace. 
 
28 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Anguish eases much in sharing, 
 So our hero looked for Herring. 
 
 Then he felt a heavy shot 
 
 On his head where it was not, — 
 
 On his helmet, I should say, — 
 
 Like an arquebus display. 
 
 Turned to see whence came the gunning, 
 
 Whether friend or an oppressor, 
 Like a porpoise on a sunning 
 
 Up and down bobbed the Professor, 
 Who had thrown the leaden tether 
 That the two might be together. 
 Then they touched the jars caloric, 
 And they dozed in warmth soporic 
 Thro' the day and thro' the night, — 
 Paroxysm of delight, — 
 Till they almost cursed the breaking 
 Of the day that brought awaking, 
 And that shoreward safely cast them 
 Prom the wreckage that swept past them 
 
 There they saw a snowy mound. 
 Like a cabin underground. 
 With the hopes that hardships merit, 
 Like a gopher or a ferret, 
 In the snow they dug a gash. 
 Where they found an Arctic cache; 
 Rifles of an antique pattern, 
 Powder of an ample measure, 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKE 29 
 
 Books that even Zeus or Saturn 
 
 Would liave loved to read with pleasure, 
 
 Blankets white and warm and woolly, 
 Bacon, flour, naught neglected, — 
 
 Ah, the cache could not more fully 
 Have been planned had they selected. 
 
 Only in the quick unpacking 
 
 Noticed bullets they were lacking; 
 
 But their joy showed no transition 
 
 At this trifling great omission. 
 
 Then did Eunnelstoke, our hero, 
 
 With the weather under zero, 
 
 Make the crisp air grow emphatic 
 
 With the odor aromatic 
 
 Of the sizzling bacon, then 
 
 Fit for gods and fit for men; 
 
 Which with flour cakes, hot grated. 
 
 Soon the castaways were sated. 
 
 When the dawn was just a-peeping, 
 Eunnelstoke, in soft wool sleeping, 
 Heard his name, amid commotion, 
 Called by Herring from the ocean. 
 Quickly dressing, out he went. 
 Greeted by astonishment. 
 Tiny, laughing jets of flame 
 From a massive iceberg came, 
 Sparkling on the Arctic sea 
 With a wondrous brilliancy. 
 "Diamonds ! — from a deep-sea station !** 
 
30 THE STEANGE ADVENTUEES 
 
 Herring cried with admiration. 
 Then with chisels holes they drilled, 
 And the holes with powder filled ; 
 With a cap and fuse of string, 
 And a giant thundering, 
 Shoreward came a chunlv that drew 
 Diamonds to a peck or two; 
 But the berg was seaward bloAvn, 
 Where in splendor long it slione. 
 
 Somewhat later to the north 
 Both our heroes ventured forth 
 On a hunting expedition, 
 With some nails for ammunition. 
 In a hole, a walrus sleeping, 
 Bravely came our hunters creeping, 
 And before he gave a sniffy 
 They dispatched him in a jiffy. 
 Then upon the face of Herring 
 
 Wonderment was plainly told, 
 Which our Eunnelstoke was sharing,— 
 
 For the tusk and teeth were gold ! 
 But with professorial merit. 
 Doubting it was eighteen caret. 
 Broke a tooth to find its rating. 
 And the gold was but a plating. 
 Then, while Herring fell to musing, 
 Eunnelstoke. with joy enthusing. 
 Of a golden inint was dreaming 
 And to o-et it soon was seheuiing. 
 
OF CAPTAIN KUNNELSTOKE 31 
 
 Herring, then, with due decorum, 
 (Wisdom likes not Laughter's formn) 
 Said : ''Somewhere within this cold 
 Is a lake of liquid gold, 
 Warm to a degree and minute, 
 And the fauna wallow in it." 
 
 So upon this exploration 
 
 Went they with some trepidation. 
 
 When a barking loud they heeded 
 
 Just beyond a peak upraising. 
 From whose summit where they speeded 
 
 Was a spectacle amazing. 
 Walruses, sea-lions, too. 
 And of seals a countless few. 
 Bobbed and dove and swam and rolled 
 In a lake of purest gold. 
 And there was the intimation 
 That they had a hint of station, 
 For the animals disporting, 
 In their golden wave cavorting. 
 Showed as greatest they were rating 
 Whose tusks had the most gold plating. 
 So, a narwhal glittering, 
 Of aristocrats was king; 
 And the power that he sways 
 
 No kind fortune gave as due him. 
 But by tusk and tusking ways. 
 
 More gold naturally clung to him. 
 
32 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 But the Carboniferae 
 
 That Time's clock was backward winding, 
 Were a joy to our Professor 
 
 Greater than the Pole's first finding; 
 And while notes he made of flora 
 
 For his colleagues in Podunks, 
 Kunnelstoke swam in and bore a 
 
 Ton of gold ashore in chunks. 
 Tho' in gold and diamond treasure 
 
 No king was so rich a type, 
 They'd have given golden measure 
 
 For tobacco and a pipe; 
 And, as Herring drily told it, 
 
 As he bore the gold home, grunting. 
 That in bullets they could mold it. 
 
 And would have a golden hunting. 
 
 One day in a deep ravine 
 Hunting, a musk-ox was seen; 
 And with wile that caution got him, 
 Runnelstoke soon stalk'd and shot him. 
 Then our hero almost fainted, 
 For the beast's breath bore the sainted 
 Delicate fine jasmine smell 
 That our hero loved so well. 
 And if Herring had not hissed it 
 I'm afraid he would have kissed it. 
 Then our unimpressed Professor 
 Took a knife and made a pass 
 Thro' the ox, and from his stomach 
 
OF CAPTAIN KUNNELSTOKE 33 
 
 Took a pinkish soft white mass; 
 Murmuring: "As I expected"; 
 Jasmine plainly was detected. 
 Said our Eunnelstoke a-swearing, 
 "As much wisdom now I'm sharing 
 As before you slashed the ox. 
 Tell me what this mass unlocks? 
 What and where, indeed, is tliis?" 
 Answered Herring: "Ambergris, 
 And it comes from fossils grand. 
 
 Long extinct, and sweet perfumed 
 
 By the flora, ages doomed, 
 Somewhere in this cold, cold land. 
 And the fauna feed upon it, 
 And the odor, thus they don it." 
 Eager for a quick solution 
 
 ilystery a-seeking spurned them. 
 And they showed no diminution 
 
 Of the science-love that burned them. 
 Then they came upon a spot 
 On a hill they ne'er forgot. 
 Vast extending pinkish beds, 
 
 Balmy clime, some Esquimau 
 ^Yondrous floral growth that sheds 
 
 Perfume on the beds below. 
 And the people live on this 
 Various scented ambergris. 
 Then in converse, held by signs. 
 
 With the various tribes they found 
 That the odor borne defines 
 
34 THE STEANGE ADVENTUEES 
 
 The eliteness here around. 
 The skunk-cabbage ambergris, 
 
 Fetid to our nose, I fear, 
 To the eaters gave the bliss 
 
 Of the fashion-setters here. 
 And the grade down, they were told. 
 In the social scale, behold : 
 
 The Woxm-wooders ; 
 
 The Snake-rooters; 
 
 The Thistle-downers; 
 
 The Cockle-burers. 
 
 And lower down in caste: 
 
 The For-get-me-not-ers ; 
 
 The Meadow-rue-ers ; 
 
 The Night-shade-ers. 
 
 And last: 
 
 The Jasminers. 
 
 But the Jasmine, sweetest one 
 
 Of the flowers here bespoken, 
 Was the odor that they shun. 
 
 And of outcasts was the token. 
 Eunnelstoke, all unaware. 
 Rubbed some on his beard and hair. 
 And he learned his caste selection 
 By his manner of ejection. 
 Herring, one remark terse made he. 
 Bearing on a chorus-lady. 
 For a long six weeks or more. 
 Out their cozy cabin door 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKE 35 
 
 Never once they dared to peep. 
 For the snow was falling deep; 
 But, alarmed by feeling motion 
 Like the rocking of the ocean, 
 With a shovel one bright day 
 Thro' the snow they dug their way. 
 Then our heroes almost swooned, 
 For they found they were marooned 
 On a huge berg icily 
 Floating on the open sea. 
 
 Then there came a vicious growling, 
 From an Arctic monster prowling, 
 And they turned around to find 
 A large Polar bear behind. 
 Eunnelstoke, to get his rifle 
 Ran, for 'twas no time to trifle. 
 Bullets missing, no spare time, and 
 For a bullet rammed a diamond. 
 Then, returning in a hurry, 
 For his partner in a worry. 
 The Professor fleet he spies, 
 "Winner of the Arctic prize 
 For the fastest foot-race spanned 
 Over bleak and barren land. 
 But the bear, as Fortune willed, 
 Eunnelstoke now shot and killed; 
 And the skin could well be handsome 
 That had cost a kingly ransom. 
 
36 THE STEANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 The flesh, too, was palatable, 
 Tho' some was umnalletable. 
 
 In a warmer current shifting, 
 
 Daily southward they were drifting; 
 
 Daily appetites grew taller, 
 
 Daily, too, their food grew smaller; 
 
 And — what they could not help thinking — 
 
 Daily, too, their berg was shrinking. 
 
 Then came many curious things; 
 
 Fish with rare and golden wings, 
 
 Horned turtles, pearly shells, 
 
 Crabs of which no hist'ry tells. 
 
 From the ice where they had got 
 
 In an era old and shellish; 
 Which, when toasted in a pot, 
 
 Were a rare and dainty relish. 
 
 Then a tiny speck appears 
 
 On the dim horizon's sky 
 And they fired wood in tiers 
 
 To attract the passerby. 
 E'en their coats they took and waved them 
 On long poles, — and that's what saved them, 
 For the steamer stopped and rounded, 
 And their joy by naught was bounded 
 When a boat from off the "Nord" 
 Came and took them both aboard. 
 Oh, that hour was divine, 
 Banqueting and drinking wine; 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 
 
 Then our Runnelstoke was frantic 
 For his coat and diamonds, too. 
 Were adrift on the Atlantic 
 
 On a derelict of blue. 
 And disconsolate was Herring, 
 For his precious notes, all bearing 
 On the trip, were now a joke 
 With the coat of Runnelstoke. 
 
38 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 THE SEAT OF AUTHORITY 
 OR 
 BUTTERFLIES WILL FLY 
 AISTD 
 
 FISHES WILL SWIM 
 
 The ripples play o'er the sunlit bay, 
 
 But they do not play for me; 
 The white gull screams o'er a land of dreams 
 
 But the dreams I never see. 
 The ships go by with their sails that fly, 
 
 For their docks they leave the sea; 
 And some heart-beat waits there to greet, 
 
 But there's no heart-beat for me. 
 
 Alone on steeps where the gi-eat tide sweeps 
 
 Out of the Golden Gate, 
 I see ships sail in the evening gale 
 
 From the fairest land of Fate : 
 And some sail out that ne'er return. 
 
 And would I, too, were one 
 That sailed away from that golden bay 
 
 Out in the setting sun. 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNEIiSTOKE 39 
 
 Now again was Runnelstoke 
 
 Weary of life, people, shore, all ; 
 
 For he heard the waves that broke 
 On some far Pacific's coral, 
 
 And he felt the keen salt air 
 
 In his nose and in his hair. 
 
 Then, too, read he of Samoa 
 
 In a land of floral glory. 
 Of the maids that longed to show a 
 
 Fondness (so beguiled the story) 
 For some daring rough old sinner 
 That would dare to be the winner. 
 And he pictured himself swaying 
 
 In a hammock in the sun 
 While a maiden was displaying 
 
 Ankles, arms, convention none. 
 In a set of subtile dances 
 To his loving, burning glances. 
 And of work, thought Runnelstoke. 
 Xever would he do a stroke; 
 For the maiden that would woo him 
 All of that and more would do him. 
 
 So he bought the bark desired 
 And a cut-throat crew he hired; 
 While he pictured to each daring 
 Candidate what luck was sharing 
 In some fair divinity 
 Of dusky femininity. 
 
40 THE STEANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Three months later, — many miles, — 
 Sailing in the South Sea isles, 
 After yellow snakes and red 
 Many times they saw and fled. 
 One night, ere the gull could fly 
 That was perching, masted high, 
 Came a tidal wave stupendous. 
 Like a giant hand tremendous. 
 And upon a mountain's dent 
 Left them high and dry, and went. 
 
 Now again when morning broke 
 Forth went dauntless Eunnelstoke, 
 Giving orders on his trip 
 That his men stand by the ship; 
 For if maidens there were many, 
 He should have first choice of any. 
 
 O'er the mount he went not far 
 Ere he heard the sound of war ; 
 Saw a cohort that could swerve a 
 Cannon-ball or e'en Minerva: 
 Lovely damsels marching, partial 
 To the garb of kilties martial, 
 And with epaulets, I wager 
 None of lesser rank than major,— 
 And above their martial things 
 Each had butterflying wings. 
 
 Now before our Eunnelstoke 
 From astonishment awoke, 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 41 
 
 He, a prisoner to their charms, 
 Was put under guard and arms. 
 Then they led him by a trail 
 Winding over hill and dale, 
 In and out and up and down. 
 Till they came to a gi-eat town, 
 Where they saw a palace splendid 
 Which a fount its beauty lended; 
 Where they entered by a portal, 
 Runnelstoke, his guard, in short, all. 
 
 Shone a marble hall, while blared 
 
 Trumpets, and the snare-drums snared ; 
 
 From each nook of damask dowry 
 
 Came a laughing, dancing houri, 
 
 Who showed quite an animation 
 
 In their eager admiration: 
 
 For they had an intuition 
 
 Runnelstoke was the fruition 
 
 Of what they had dreamed and waited, 
 
 Though they often shammed they hated — 
 
 Man! 
 Men were (learned he with surprise) 
 Never in this paradise : 
 But where fickle men ne'er fooled them, 
 There a queen of fashion ruled them : 
 That Titha3a was the name 
 Of the present ruling dame. 
 And she ruled there like a Solon 
 In her feminine dominion; 
 
42 THE STRATSTGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Still, if one could keep a poll on 
 
 Her fair colleagues' sweet opinion, 
 They would oft have heard it hinted 
 That her virtue was half minted. 
 
 Ah! All virtue is a thing 
 Of a dim and snowy wing, 
 Hovering round the owner's head, 
 Seen by her alone, 'tis said ; 
 For all others note with culture 
 That our virtue is a vulture. 
 
 NoAv when they had long debated — 
 Round the compass, back to zero — 
 
 Who should have the antiquated 
 Still unmated, grinning hero. 
 
 They determined to the queen. 
 
 That her wisdom might be seen. 
 
 When the queen was on her throne, 
 
 Then a thousand mirrors shone ; 
 
 And each lady in her hand 
 
 Held a curious magic wand, 
 
 Studded and all gemmy hued 
 
 That made true each wish and mood. 
 
 Then their dresses change and blend 
 
 Over silks that never end. 
 
 In the fret of flowers fragile 
 
 And the run of colors agile : 
 
 Yellow moons and argent stars. 
 
OP CAPTAIN RUKNELSTOKE 43 
 
 And the tiger's splendid bars, 
 With each brilliant stone and shell 
 Whereon Fancy loves to dwell. 
 For a lady's mood to change 
 Here is not considered strange, 
 But 'tis calumny to name 
 One that ever is the same. 
 
 Said Tithsea: "Who are you? 
 
 Of what race and with what guile 
 Come you o'er the ocean blue 
 
 To debauch our happy isle?" 
 Then our hero to the queen, 
 Kno'wang she had never seen 
 Man, said : "I am come from Mars 
 And I visit many stars; 
 For I have a strange invention 
 Which is not for me to mention." 
 Here he seized the damsels nigh 
 Ere the twinkling of an eye, 
 And he juggled kilties bright 
 Till the air was plaided quite; 
 Till the queen believed the fellow 
 Was a sly old Martian dweller, 
 While the tales he told fictitious 
 Like a salad, were delicious 
 To the ears that listened sedulous 
 To a world of naught incredulous. 
 
 "Come," said she, "and shout and sing, 
 Let us make the stranger king; 
 
44 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Let the nuptial gold-bell peal 
 
 For my happy hymeneal. 
 
 Every one shall share the pleasure 
 
 Of observing love is nihil; 
 For each kingly cherished measure 
 
 Shall be bended but to my will." 
 So it was acclaimed, and all 
 Started for the wedding ball. 
 How their feet on gold stairs tinkled ! 
 Down and down, wliile round them twinkled 
 Stars that sprinkled columns Doric 
 In a shower meteoric; 
 Down, while sparkled ocean vista, 
 
 Down, where deep-sea life is centered, 
 To a mighty amethyst, a 
 
 Ball-room now, in which they entered. 
 
 Then a train of faery misses 
 Brought a thousand frothing blisses : 
 Pears from whitened powder peeping; 
 Plums in precious liquor steeping; 
 Desserts creamy, dainty berried; 
 Kisses crumbly, saucy cherried; 
 And of things whose scents and tints 
 He caught but the faintest hints. 
 So they taste of viands spicy, 
 And they sip of liquors icy, — 
 But of nothing to satiety, 
 
 But turning, ever turning; 
 For the essence of propriety 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 45 
 
 Is to provoke a yearning, — 
 
 To maintain a subtile yearning. 
 
 Then when music's lavish charms 
 Fell like dew on lips and arms, 
 And the chandelier imprints 
 Everywhere its lilac tints, 
 Often as the dancers glide. 
 Flashing by the pane outside, 
 Were the glaring eyes and gape 
 Of each thing of deep-sea shape, — 
 Red and yellow, green and blue, — 
 With an octopus or two. 
 
 Here were: 
 Star-Fish, 
 Gar-Fish, 
 
 Mullet and flounders, 
 Sword-Fish, 
 Lord-Fish, 
 
 Perch, twenty pounders. 
 
 Dog-Fish 
 Hog-Fish, 
 
 Sturgeon and Trappers, 
 Lion-Fish, 
 Flyin'-Fish, 
 
 Anchovy and Snappers. 
 
 Pipe-Fish, 
 Stripe-Fish, 
 
46 THE STEANGE ADVENTUEES 
 
 Porcupine and strange Eels, 
 Babbit-Fish, 
 Nab-it-Fish, 
 
 Jew-Fish and Angels. 
 
 Some fish swim because their fin 
 Wiggles out and wiggles in; 
 Others swim because their nose 
 Pokes a hole where'er it goes; 
 Others still because their tail 
 Pushes so, they cannot fail. 
 
 With a glorious grand finale 
 Now is gone the ball-room's folly; 
 All sat staring thro' the pane 
 
 With burning wish on wish : 
 But butterflies are butterflies, 
 
 And fish are always fish. 
 
 Next day heard he from a scribe 
 
 How their wisdom they imbibe; 
 
 For he saw a wondrous school. 
 
 With for every maid a stool 
 
 (And Dame Gossip was the title 
 
 Of this school where they learned quite all). 
 
 With their caps and with their gowns, 
 
 And a thousand pretty frowns. 
 
 Titters and grotesque gyration 
 
 With excessive exclamation, 
 
 Why the inmost secret knowledge 
 
 Was unfathomed in this college. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 47 
 
 A^othing here is ever stable, 
 
 Joy to last is never able; 
 
 Spires that gleam and glow and glisten ; 
 
 Bells that ring and never listen; 
 
 Birds that coo and woo and wliistle ; 
 
 Flowers that sigh and cry and thistle; 
 
 Trees that brim with tears and laughter; 
 
 Butterflies that hurry after 
 
 Some illusive fair phantasm, — 
 
 Bubbles floating o'er a chasm; 
 
 And on leaf and sweet bud wrinkled 
 
 Is a yellow pollen sprinkled. 
 
 Like a gold volcano must 
 
 Have thrown over all her dust. 
 
 Some time after, when was seen 
 With what happiness the queen 
 And the king bore wedlock's fiat. 
 There were others that would try it. 
 And with justly indignation 
 To her came a delegation, 
 Telling how she used to flout it 
 When they had to do without it. 
 
 Said a butterfly : "We've heard 
 Of the blessings men conferred 
 On our down-trod sex, before 
 Reason opened Freedom's door: 
 That a single hour uxorious 
 
48 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Is worth a life laborious 
 
 Spent with sages, daft and dafter, 
 
 On the here and the hereafter. 
 
 On the morrow let us ply 
 
 To the turquoise isle near by, 
 
 Where the fountains spout champagne 
 
 And in revelry men reign, 
 
 And by force of moral suasion 
 
 End their frightful dissipation ; 
 
 Thus obtain a man for each. 
 
 That our doctrines we may preach." 
 
 But TithfEa showed no pique 
 'Cause the butterflies should seek 
 Such a potion; having drunk it, 
 She decided on the junket. 
 
 Next day bright and early beams 
 On a hundred gay triremes, 
 With gold chain and silver hawser 
 (Such as Croesus never saw, sir) 
 And with splendid silks and satin. 
 With a Persian rug or mat in; 
 While at every oar a maid 
 All her loveliness displayed, — 
 For they all had costly dresses 
 And the least were baronesses; 
 While beside their Name-Creator 
 Every title was far greater. 
 So they row and so they smile 
 Till tliey reach the turquoise isle. 
 
OF CAPTAIN KUNNELSTOKE 49 
 
 Then the Moon of Venus rose 
 Like the blush a maiden shows 
 When the wasp of Love's within. 
 And her face is one pink grin. 
 Over hill and valley then. 
 Where the butterflying men 
 Lay at rest, shone Venus' moon 
 And a gale arose eftsoon. 
 
 Maids of sere and yellow leaf 
 Went pursuing, like a thief. 
 Cowering wretches that lay hid 
 'Neath each leafy pyramid. 
 And tho' oft aloft they fly, 
 They cannot escape the eye 
 Of the maidens, chasing clamorous, 
 For their sweet concessions amorous. 
 
 Big men, little men, rude men and courtly, 
 Sly men, shy men, thin men and portly, 
 Naive men, grave men, stolid men and 
 
 fretters. 
 Cheerful men, tearful men, bad men and 
 
 betters, 
 All of whom the women seized 
 And quickly put in fetters; 
 And when to the queen they led. 
 Fair Tithgea gently said : 
 
50 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 "Who is man that should protest? 
 When we know we know what's best 
 To make him the happiest." 
 
 Here the maidens, as they giggled, 
 Bore the men, who chafed and wriggled, 
 To their boats, — each precious burden, — 
 For 'twas Love that ever spurred on. 
 
 Now, when all of this occurred 
 
 And they just had left the shore, 
 Why, there came a giant bird 
 
 Such as ne'er was seen before, — 
 Such as with a couple flaps 
 Could have spanned a mile, perhaps, 
 And in colors of a tropic 
 Blend of hues kaleidoscopic. 
 Which (said Runnelstoke between us) 
 Must have surely come from Venus ; 
 And with warning not a note 
 Seized him by the nape of coat. 
 And before our hero found 
 
 Whether waking or had seen a 
 Phantom bright, he was a-ground, 
 
 On the Isle of Catalina. 
 
 "Now," said Runnelstoke, "I wonder 
 If the mates I left down yonder 
 On that isle, since I came from it. 
 If thev ever crossed the summit." 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKE 51 
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 THE ISLE OF DINOSAURS, 
 
 OR 
 
 THE ANTIQUITY OF COWRY 
 
 Beside the sea, the marauding sea, 
 Oh, the sea of a thousand moods ! 
 
 I watch the pour of the waves that roar 
 From the ocean's solitudes. 
 
 Where the wave hath swept, I have mourned 
 and wept, 
 
 And laughed and sung and glowed; 
 For my love or hate was small or great 
 
 As the huge tide ebhed or flowed. 
 
 Birth, life, death, after. — all are deep, 
 As deep as the soundless sea; 
 
 So may I rest on the ocean's breast 
 When the last tide ebbs for me. 
 
 One day came to Runnelstoke 
 An astronomer who spoke 
 Of some meteors that fell, 
 Made of purest platinum, 
 
52 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 So the spectroscope did tell; 
 
 And their value was a sum 
 Which made Runnelstoke so dizzy 
 That he wondered whither is he. 
 And by dint of mental frolic. 
 
 The astronomer explained, 
 With their angles parabolic 
 
 And the spot from which they rained ; 
 Where they fell he quickly reckoned 
 To the fraction of a second. 
 
 Now for money, as was fit, 
 
 Runnelstoke cared not a bit; 
 
 Still, when he had weighed and thought 
 
 Of the good that might be bought 
 
 With the money that was fretting 
 
 For our hero to be getting, — 
 
 Such as giving books instead 
 
 To the poor who wanted bread, 
 
 Or of building a fine college 
 
 For who never wanted knowledge, — 
 
 (As if all the lore of schools 
 
 Could make fools aught else but fools) 
 
 He determined he was in it 
 
 And was ready in a minute. 
 
 So one morning rose the sun 
 On the mighty Amazon, 
 And shone on the schooner, too, 
 Of our Runnelstoke and crew. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNBLSTOKE 58 
 
 In the land of sudden thunders, 
 And the land of winged wonders. 
 
 Dainty floating butterflies 
 In the deepest of blue skies; 
 Snowflake wings in silver barred, 
 Azure tipt and slender flow'red, 
 All the brilliant greens and reds 
 That the tropic splendor sheds, 
 Deep magenta, orange spotted, 
 Moons of pink, all jet-black dotted, 
 Crescents of a pale light green 
 With a bronze-green star between, 
 Crimson circles on pale grey. 
 Dull brown blots on blue so gay. 
 Tortoise-shell streaked, olive blotched. 
 Marble blue-veined, silver notched, 
 One surprise upon surprise, — 
 With a million dragon-flies. 
 
 While the beautiful blue toucan, 
 Hoarser in his cry than you can 
 E'er imagine, weirdly mellow. 
 But with beak all scythed and yellow, 
 Flew o'er ibis, pink and black, 
 Wandering in their countless track. 
 Splendid birds of gaudy plumes 
 Richer far than Persia's looms. 
 Flitted here and flitted there, — 
 Drops of color everywhere. 
 
54 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Then the vines that hang and fall 
 From the trees, and over all 
 Twining, shining seem to be 
 Dark-green water serpentry. 
 While at two-hour intervals, 
 Thro' the quiet night there falls 
 Tolling time, the hoceos' shrill 
 From his peacock-hooded bill. 
 
 Now by careful computation, 
 
 The astronomer decided 
 They were near the very station 
 
 Where the meteors collided 
 With the earth; when with a jar 
 Even's sun fell like a star. 
 Then upon the quiet river 
 Broken only by the quiver 
 Of the fireflies, or far light 
 From the bright Brazilian starlight. 
 Came a feeling deep and awesome, — 
 As to mortal comes that saw some 
 Phantom, — for the ship was moving 
 When she lay at anchor; proving 
 Some occult cause was the reason, — 
 Either that or there was treason. 
 
 Up and down and in and out, 
 Runnelstoke ran with a shout ; 
 In and out, up, down, I guess; 
 Learned no more or learned no less. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 55 
 
 For the ship went on careering. 
 As if some unknown were steering, 
 Never port or never starboar' 
 Straight into an island harbonr. 
 
 Here in bondage soon were led men 
 And our hero by the redmen. 
 Who lived here as cowry dealers — 
 Nature's noblemen of stealers, — 
 Here in idleness a-sunning. 
 Often showing human cunning : 
 Petting monke3^s,, eating parrots. 
 Which they swallowed down like carrots, 
 Or in liunting porpoise-whales 
 With round heads and with square tails, 
 Twenty times a porpoise longer, 
 Eighty times a porpoise stronger, 
 Somewhat species-cousin linked 
 To the late sea-cow extinct. 
 This they deem the greatest booty. 
 And they catch by stout ropes juty, 
 One of which had caught the schooner 
 In its sucker, and far sooner 
 Than a porpoise in a drag-net 
 Drew her in the capstan's magnet. 
 
 Now these savages atrocious 
 Did delight in deeds ferocious: 
 Such as maiming multitudes 
 In their wars and petty feuds 
 
56 THE STRANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 (For the way their clubs were knocking 
 Modern science would say shocking), 
 While from what they trapped and baited 
 They would feast for days unsated, 
 Missing, in their uncooked cutting, 
 All the luxury of glutting. 
 And that they in health might stay, 
 Tho' they knew no illness, they 
 Dug for roots, and climbed for shoots, 
 And dove deep for green sea-fruits, 
 Which they swallowed with distress 
 And enjoyed in siclcnesses. 
 
 But their measure of earth's pleasure 
 Was this cowry that they treasure. 
 Cowry shells in cowry sacks, — 
 How they strive to gain huge stacks ! 
 How they jumble! How they tumble! 
 Giving knocks and taking whacks! 
 If an earthquake should deep earth it, 
 Wliat in all the world were worth it? 
 For this cowry is the shekel 
 Of a world from which they reck all : 
 Drinking hell in fiery waters, 
 Buying wives and selling daughters, 
 Burning up life's two-point tallow 
 For the charms of vice they hallow, 
 E'en the number of death's bells 
 Being but a one of shells. 
 Cringing, begging, lying, stealing, 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 57 
 
 Coveting and double dealing. 
 All to win the paltry dowry 
 Of a couple hundred cowry. 
 
 Nothing here is what it seems, 
 
 Visional}'-, all but dreams. 
 
 Truth is only theoretic, 
 
 Everything is antithetic. 
 
 While the sport they like immensely 
 
 Is to love or hate intensely: 
 
 That is, if to hate one's brother, 
 
 Or to love the wife another 
 
 Has, is joy; as if the earth 
 
 Here apologized it gave some birth. 
 
 Every act they did was bent 
 By a king called Precedent. 
 Somewhere in a lonely woodland, 
 Rules he bad and rules he good land. 
 From the cradle to the grave 
 What a tribute him they gave ! 
 True, no one had ever seen him, 
 For the dinosaur! screen him ; 
 But let rise one daring fellow, 
 How the dinosauri bellow ! 
 
 Then did Runnelstoke, the savior 
 
 Of his chief's son (Fate will lead 'em 
 
 Who are worth her fine behavior), 
 Gain for every man his freedom ; 
 
58 THE STRANGE ADVENTUEES 
 
 And the astral man comi5uted 
 In a manner not refuted, 
 That the meteors had slided 
 Where the dinosaurs resided. 
 So upon that dread ascent — 
 And the platinum — they went. 
 
 Then they came upon a wood 
 Where the beasts in conclave stood. 
 And behind some bushes hid 
 They observed all that they did. 
 Said the Lion: "Let us ape 
 Man and let us play man's shape." 
 
 Said the Rabbit: "I am Right 
 And in justice I delight; 
 Peaceful am I in my manners, 
 Deprecating evil-planners." 
 
 Said the Jackal: "I am Law 
 
 And I have a hungry maw. 
 
 Right should always sweet Law follow." 
 
 Here he gobbled with a swallow 
 
 Up the Rabbit, in a thrice, 
 
 While the beasts winked once or twice. 
 
 Said the Jaguar: "I'm Wealth 
 And I have a golden health, 
 Even tho' I am black-spotted 
 By the evil deeds I've plotted." 
 
OF CAPTAIN EUNNELSTOKE 59 
 
 Here he swallowed up the Jackal 
 Furry hide, nose, tail, legs, back, all; 
 While the Lion laughed with glee 
 At the other's revelry. 
 
 Said the Lion: "I am Might 
 And I love Wealth, Law and Eight." 
 Here he ate the Jaguar, 
 Tho' his yelling sounded far, 
 Then the Lion with a gallop 
 Went, for he had eaten all up. 
 
 Xow our hero with great humor 
 Cared he not a bit for rumor. 
 Always if you seek what's prior 
 Eumor is a fickle liar, 
 Adding to each later trial 
 Till it is its own denial. 
 So had rumor heard deep growling 
 From some dinosauri prowling. 
 For no matter how directed. 
 To the mount, one was detected 
 By some hideous and gory 
 Furious, growling dinosauri. 
 
 Thus went forth this force courageous, — 
 Bravery is oft contagious, — 
 And our hero's fearless bearing 
 All his company was sharing. 
 So all day they talked, full sated, 
 
60 THE STKANGE ADVENTURES 
 
 Of the greeting that awaited 
 
 Monsters ; when they heard a patter 
 
 On the leaves^, how they did scatter ! 
 
 Here and there, and helter-skelter, 
 
 Some ran e'en a mile for shelter. 
 
 Eunnelstoke alone showed glory, — 
 
 And of course he tells the story. 
 
 'Twas a rabbit from them scaring. 
 
 Which when learned restored their daring. 
 
 Then when dark they heard the nightly 
 
 Roaring of some monster mighty, 
 
 Till to scatter was a habit 
 
 At each noise of dove or rabbit. 
 
 And a panic so unmanned 'em 
 
 That they found the mount at random, 
 
 Where they learned with quaking knees 
 
 Monsters are all effigies. 
 
 There each entrance facing forth, 
 West and east and south and north. 
 And between each to and from pass 
 Like the figures on a compass. 
 Were two rampant dinosauri, 
 Relics of an era hoary ; 
 Carved of agate leoparded, 
 But of green the spines and head, 
 With a gleaming crimson gem 
 In the eyes of each of them. 
 While upon each marble column 
 Perching, silver-white and solemn. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOEE 61 
 
 Was the aeronaut earth lacked, till 
 Came the winged pterodactyl. 
 
 Lo ! The king in gold and ermine 
 
 Slumbering 'neath a sweet narcotic. 
 As where seeds of death will germ in. 
 
 Flaunts an orchid's rich exotic, — 
 Sitting on a bright pink throne 
 
 Jeweled and all fluor-sparred. 
 On a dais whither shone 
 
 Snowy crystal, silver-starred. 
 
 Then they saw in palace kitchen 
 
 Many dainties it was rich in; 
 
 Pots of wine of vintage rare, 
 
 That would sparkle in the air 
 
 Like the lustre that is shed 
 
 Thro' a goblet garneted; 
 
 Pots of spices; pots of honey; 
 
 Pots of curious golden money 
 
 That would tinkle in its fall 
 
 To the marble pedestal ; 
 
 Pots of jams that showed the tint 
 
 Of their precious berries' mint ; 
 
 And of fruits that bloomed their span 
 
 Ere earth's histories began. 
 
 But the only sound they found 
 Was the sound of owl that hooted, 
 
62 THE STEANGE ADVENTUKES 
 
 And the bittern's travail suited 
 
 To those who think that life lore-ward 
 
 Should be in the past, not forward. 
 
 But upon a tablet near 
 
 Was the earth's five-thousandth year, 
 
 Graven in a mystery 
 
 That a sage of tongues to see 
 
 Would have given gold high stack-ward, 
 
 For the text was reading backward. 
 
 Still in palace nooks and dells 
 Everywhere were cowry shells; 
 In gold boxes and fair vases. 
 Cowry shells in all odd places, 
 As if cowry were the worth 
 Of the greatest pearl on earth. 
 
 But the platinum they found. 
 
 Fully forty feet around, 
 
 Which the}^ hammered, sawed and melted, 
 
 Till each man a fortune belted 
 
 In his pouch; then sly back sneaking, 
 
 When they showed the redmen lazy, 
 Such a laugh they gave, loud shrieking. 
 
 That each thought the other crazy. 
 
 Then embarking all their treasure 
 Home they sailed with greatest pleasure, 
 And had nearly reached the bright house 
 Of our Sandv Hook's own lighthouse. 
 
OF CAPTAIN RUNNELSTOKE 63 
 
 When the ship struck and went under 
 In a sudden squall of thunder. 
 Eunnelstoke alone was saved; 
 How our hero stormed and raved 
 As he thought how Fortune's potion 
 Had been swallowed by the ocean. 
 
 Xow of Eunnelstoke I end, 
 Eunnelstoke, my bosom friend, 
 Eunnelstoke, the crafty ranger 
 Who has tasted every danger; 
 And if any deed or word 
 Done, or read about, or heard, 
 Is impossible, — a joke, — 
 My reply is, — Eunnelstoke. 
 
MAR 20*1912 
 
riilSin.l,?'' CONGRESS 
 
 I iillilillllllil 
 
 015 873 432 1