A MERE MAN BY EDITH PALMER PAINTON PRICE 15 CENTS Eldridge Entertainment House Franklin, Ohio TWO PLAYS FOR BOYS By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. Mr. Tibbals has been unusually successful in fur- nishkig boys' plays that introduce characters true to life. ' While the plays are strong and forceful in the lessons they teach, clean comedy predominates and the boys like them. **The Millionaire Janitor*' A comedy in two acts. Here is a rollicking play for eight or more boys with plenty of action. Just the thing for a Boys' Class or Junior Y. M. C. A. Easily staged and costumed. Opportunity for intro- duction of musical numbers and recitations. By in- troducing such features the play may be used for ing's entertainment. Price 25 Cents "Up Caesar's Creek" A splendid play for any number of boys. The characters are real boys and the play deals with their experiences while camping up Caesar's Creek the per- formance closing with a minstrel show in camp. Cos- tumes and scenery are not elaborate and the play may be produced on any stage. Price 25 Cents These comedies are protected by copyright, but permission for amateur production is granted with the purchase of the book. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINIVIMT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio A MERE MAN A Study in Feminine Color By EDITH PALMER PAINTON. Copyright, 1915, Eldridge Entertainment House PUBLISHED BY Eldridge Entertainment House, FRANKLIN. OHIO CHARACTERS Mrs. Green, A Widbw. Mrs. Bessie Brown» A Bride, Her Daughter. Grace Green, Her Youngest Daughter. Elizabeth White, A School Teacher. Mrs. Pamela Black, A Divorcee.. Dr. Gray. ir^CI.D 4259a DEC 20 hJi:) A MERE MAN {Scene: A Parlor. Lounge at back, two or three easy chairs. A desk, stand or table at Left. ) (Mrs. Green sits at desk, writing many notes. Bes- sie, wearing wraps, sits on lounge, looking very dis- consolate. Grace sits in chair, tvith embroidery work, listening very intently, while Mrs. Green talks between her writing, a constant string of impatience. Must show her annoyance in every word she writes, in the energy with which she folds notes and stuffs them in envelopes, seals, etc. Desk faces girls so she looks at them tvhenever making a point. ) Mrs Green It's certainly too bad, Bessie, and Fm sorry, of course, that it has had to turn out this way so soon ; but— (Pauses, sighs, resumes writing) Bessie {p)rotesting) Mamma! Mrs Green You know you just would get married. Wouldn't she, Grace? {Grace nods) Nothing that I, nor your Aunt Elizabeth, nor your Cousin Pamela, nor —nor— any other woman of experience, could say about the darkness and difficulties of a matrimonial career would have the slightest effect upon you. Am I not speaking the truth, Bessie? (Bessie sobs aloud) Bessie, I insist that you answer me. Bessie {faintly) Yes, Mamma.' Mrs Green We had educated you, hadn't wel {Bes- sie nods sadly) We had given you the benefit of our experience, had we not, over and over again? {Pause. Bessie sobs. Mrs Green, writing rapidly, with lips compressed. She pauses, looks up, and speaks sternly) Answer me, Bessie. Had we not? Bessie Yes — {sob) — Mamma ? Mrs Green (complacently) Then I can't feel that I am in any way to blame, can I, Bessie? (Pause. Bessie sobs) Bessie, why don't you speak? You put me all out of patience. Can I? 4 A Mere Man Bessie (in choked voice) No, mamma. Mrs Green iivith satisfaction) That's what I thought about it; but, of course, a mother can never be sure how her daughter is going to think about it. She may bring her up, teach her, train, tell her every step of the way she should go; then, when she gets able to walk alone, as she thinks— {Pauses tcith elo- quent gesture) Grace (giggles) Away she'll go I Mrs Green Grace, such a remark is altogether un- called for from you. Here is your poor sister, strug- gling with her tears, wounded by the cruelties and densities of a mere man, and you— who, I hope, are taking a good clear warning from this pitiful living example before your eyes,— what do you do? Why, you sit and make jokes. You laugh. Shame on you I {resumes ivriting) Grace But mammal {no ansiver) Mamma! {no answer) Wonder if she wants me to cry, too! {Bes- sie tosses head, but Mrs Green does not look u]}) I do wish you would get through with that writing some time. Mamma! Mrs Green Well— {looks up impatiently) What is ' it? These invitations are important. They must, go out tonight. What did you want to say? Grace What I want to know is, what has Dick done? Mrs Green If you are speaking of Richard Brown, Grace, the unprincipled young apology for a man, who has so grossly deceived and mistreated the wo- man he married and swore to love, honor and protect — {Bessie rises, paces floor o.t hack sadly) Grace Yes, yes. Mamma— don't waste any more breath. I was speaking of Dick. Mrs Green Richard sounds more becoming, {try- ing to turite) Grace {giggles) Same old Dick. Mrs Green {still trying to ivrite) Richard sounds better I say. A Mere Man 5 Grace I prefer Dick myself. Mrs Green (looks up and gestures tuith pen impa- tiently) I insist upon Richard, do you understand? (looks fixedly at her a moment, and resumes ivork) Bessie (stops behind Grace^s chair and leans over it) Grace! Grace! what does it matter? Do let Mamma have her own way. G^^ace (giggles) Let her?--Humph! Bessie Grace, don't! Grace Don't let her? Well wasn't that what I was trying? But pshaw! Could anybody on earth keep her from it? Bessie But you know, Grace— Grace (looks up roguishly) Did anybody ever? Bessie Why— why — not as I know of. Grace (giggles) Nor anybody else. (Mrs Green looks up at the laugh) What I want to know, Mamma is this, as I said before, or tried to — what has Richard done? (Bessie resumes ivalk, hands clasped behind back, looking down) Mrs Green Done? Done? You can ask that? When you see her here in tears, the bride of only a month, her eyes red and unsightly from weeping, her cheeks robbed of their beauty, her lips bereft of their bloom, do I need to ask what he has done? Have I not eyes? Can I not see? (resumes writing) Bessie (pauses by Grace again) Honest, Grace, do I look as bad as that? Grace I should worry. Bessie Why, I must be a regular fright. G^'ace (teasingly) It's a wonder that Dick — Mrs Green (looking up suddenly) Richard! G^^ace (in confusion) Yes, I mean Richard. Bessie What were you going say about Dick? (Mrs Gh'-een looks at her sternly, she pauses, bites lip, and corrects herself) Richard? 6 A Mere Man Grace I— I— {catching Mrs Green'' s eye and hesita- ting) Why, I forgot. Nothing much. Mrs Green There's nothing much that can be said about him. {resumes work) Bessie {lualks protestingly to front of desk, speaks pleadingly) But, Mamma— Mrs Green {ivrites busily for a moment, then looks up) Or, for that matter, about any other mere man. But my skirts are clear. I told you so. I can only hope, Grace, that you, at least will be able to profit by this heart-rending example of a young husband's depravity. Bessie {luincing at the ivord) Depravity! Oh! {turns to Grace) Grace Depravity! Ah! Mrs Green Depravity's the word, first, last, and all the time for a mere man. Your father wasn't exactly what might be called the very worst man in the world, I don't suppose; but if he was within a thousand miles of the best, Heaven save us from the rest! {resumes luriting) Bessie Why, Mamma! Grace Isn't it awful? Mrs Gh^een {after busy pause) Of course he's dead now, poor man. And I know what it is to go through the fiery furnace, and not— not— well, not be burned entirely to ashes. But I feel there's still the smell of fire on my garments, and that there always will be. If I had only lived up to my ambitions, and been an out-and-out old maid like your Aunt Elizabeth. But— Grace Where would we have been, Mamma? Mrs Green {sternly) Grace! Such questions are anything but becoming in a girl of your age. Bessie But — Mamma! Mrs Green At any rate, your poor sister here would not have been the victim of a male creature's depravity. Grace Depravity's a big word. A Mere Man 7 Mrs Green It just fits Richard Brown— and every other of his sex. Dear me! When I stop to look back over our family history, it just seems to me that the Green's have had more than their share of trouble in the matrimonial line. Poor Pamela Black was a Green, you know, and so was Elizabeth White's mother. And see what they both had to undergo, poor things. Why their stories would fill six volume novels, and be the sensation of the year. But thank goodness! Elizabeth herself is wise enough to steer clear of any- thing and everything in the shape of a mere man, just as poor Pamela wishes she had. {resumes writing) Bessie Aren't you nearly through with those notes, Mamma? (lualks to desk) Mrs Green {writing rapidly, ivithoiit looking up) Why, I don't know. Why? Anything special? Bessie No— only — Mrs Green {after busy pause, looking up) Only what? Bessie {retreats to lounge and sits heavily) I don't know what to do, that's all. Mrs Green Do? Why stay right where you are, that's all. Grace On that lounge? Mrs Green What else is there for you to do but to stay with the mother who brought you up? Do you think I'd let you go back to such a creature? What is he anyway, but— All A mere man! {Pamela Black enters right) Pamela Nobody home? Oh, here you are! All Pamela Black! {Mrs Gi^een and Grace rise to greet her) Pamela Sure enough. How are you all? Why, Bessie Brown, what are you doing here? {goes to her, greeting her heartily) Grace {giggles) Crying. 8 A Mere Man Pamela Crying? (takes Bessie's face bettueen hands) Why, so she has been, bless her poor dear little soul. I might have guessed it, though. Hasn't she been married a whole month? What else could you expect? (throivs arms around Mrs Green as she rises from Bessie) How are you, dear Cousin Lucinda? Mrs Green (tvith her hands on Pamela'' s shotdders) In excellent health of body, Pamela— excellent! But ever since that poor child came home, and I saw in her eyes the sorrow that was threatening to overwhelm her, I must admit that my health of mind has not been of the best. I expected it, of course— Pamela Didn't we all? didn't we all? I hope this will be a good warning to you, Grace. Grace It certainly ought to be, the way everybody hammers it in, but I can't find out what has happened. Pamela Happened? What difference can it possibly make what has happened? The main thing is that the inevitable "It" has happened. It's enough for us to behold the results. (Sits sofa, gushingly) Poor Bessie! Poor little woman who just simply had t® learn her lesson for herself. Bessie But, Pamela, you see— Pamela Yes, dear, I see — what I wish I didn't see. Mrs Green (sits near lounge) But I can't see that there is anything or anybody to blame but herself, Pamela. We all warned her Pamela Indeed w^e did! And we all gave her the whole history of our own terrible mistakes and fail- ures, to keep her from making a worse one- Mrs Green Indeed we did! Pamela What will Elizabeth say? Grace Why, she'll say, just like all the rest of the family, '1 told you so!" Mrs Green (rejwovingly) Grace! Grace! Grace (insistently) Won't she? Mrs Gh^een Why — er — er — probably, but — Gi^ace (luisely) I told you so! • A Mere Man 9 Pamela Where is Elizabeth, anyway? Isn't she boarding with you now? Grace Of course. We couldn't keep house with- out Aunt Elizabeth's advice! But her school doesn't close, you see, until three-thirty, and she usually has a lot of visiting to do with the rest of the school- teachers, and then there's always bushels of papers for her to look over, and her lessons to look up for the next day. Bessie She's a very busy woman. Mrs Green A very useful woman. She's just the kind I always wanted Bessie to be. Bessie {mournfully) I wasn't meant for it. Mam- ma. Pamela (caressing her) What were you meant for child? (touches eyes) This? Bessie I— I— I — I suppose so. Mrs Green Anyhow, you can see for yourself that it's what she has got. Pamela Poor child. If I had that Richard Brown by the neck, rd-I'd-I'd— Gh^ace (giggles) Squeeze him? Mrs Green Grace! Pamela I'd twist it for him. I'd certainly put him out of business for one while. Mrs Gi^een It doesn't take much to put a mere man out of business. Grace But, Pamela do you know a thing about what poor Richard has done? Mrs Green ) (with tuithering emphasis) Poor Pamela ) Richard! Grace Well, rich Richard, bad Richard, wicked Richard, naughty, naughty, naughty Richard— any kind of Richard you like him to be, if you please, if you'll only some of you tell me something about what terrible, awfully unpardonable sin he^has committed to make Bessie take on like this? 10 A Mere Man • M7^s Green The idea! Pamela Can't you see? Grace Nothing but Bessie's crying— none of the whys and wherefores thereof! I'm only an ignorant young girl, you know, Mamma, and i— I— I might follow in my sister's foot-steps if you didn't instruct me better. And wouldn't that be awful to relate? Pamela Grace, if you dare! Grace I don't dare! That's why I am asking these things of you who know! What — has — Richard done? Pamela Never mind, Grace, what Richard has done! I don't know, myself, and I don't want to know. It's enough for me to see your poor sister in the condition she is in without going into any of the "behind the scene" rehearsals! I see results — effects! Why bother about causes? Grace Because causes can sometimes be removed! Pamela Then remove Richard! Grace {In pretended horror) Kill him? Pamela Why, no, not exactly. Do as I did with Henry Black! Divorce him! Grace {Greatly relieved) Oh! Bessie But divorce proceedings are so horrible, Pamela! Pamela Matrimonial proceedings are worse! Girls, listen to me! {Grace and Bessie sit by her on sofa- she betiveen them) You go back to your writing, Lucinda — I know you're dying to. {Mrs. Green re- turns to desk) I want to talk to these girls like a Dutch uncle. Now, Bessie, I am quite sure that you will be able to understand everything I say. As for Grace, — well, you must just take it all on trust, dearie, and may Heaven send that you may never know by experience what I have had to learn that bitter way. Never get married, my child, — never, if you live to be a hundred years old. -Live your own life in your A Mere Man 11 own way, and never, never, never give one thought to any mere man! Grace But, Pamela Pamela Yes! Grace Would you have me an old maid? Pamela I would have you — just that! Grace Like Aunt Elizabeth? Pamela Why not? Grace She's— she's— I don't know! Bessie Just what everybody else says about her! Mrs. Green {Looking iiiJ from her loriting) She's a brave, strong, noble, independent woman, that's what she is! And if you girls only turn out as well — I mean you, of course, Grace, for Bessie is already besond all hope Bessie Poor me! Mrs. Gi''een I shall certainly be proud of you. Bessie But go on with your story, Pamela. I'm very much interested. Grace Me, too! I'm hoping I may find out some- thing about what Dick— I mean Richard— has been doing! Mrs. Green Grace! Grace Never said it, Mamma! Never even thought it. Bessie Do hurry on, Pamela. Pamela yes, my story! I mean, rather, my lesson — for that's what I trust it will be to you. Well, girls, once — not more than fifty years ago, though I declare it seems a hundred! — I was a young and happy girl, as ignorant and innocent, and folks said, as pretty and graceful as either of you! Girls my! {Protesting tone) Bessie As if you weren't perfectly lovely all the time! Pamela I hoped to be an actress, or an opera singer, or a — a — a— something like that — 12 A Mere Man Grace (Enthusiastically) A chorus girl? Pamela Well, no, not that, of course, but some- thing before the public, you know, in the way of singing or speaking. I never expected to be crushed and fairly ground beneath the heel of a mere nianl Mrs. Green {Looking up from writing) I should hope not! Neither did any of us expect it of you! Pamela But it happened — even to me. I lost my beauty — Ch^ace Never! Pamela yes, I did. Bessie Did you advertise? Pamela What? Bessie I — I — I beg your pardon, Pamela. I guess — I — wasn^t noticing just what you said. You lost something, you said. Pamela I certainly did, I lost also my energy and ambition, I lost all my charm, I lost even hope. Be- hold me now, a mere wreck of what "might once have been a happy woman, (weeps) . Bessie don't cry, Pamela. Don't cry. You'll soil your pretty dress. Besides, you are free now, and — Pamela (Jumps up impetuously) Yes, free! free! free! And if every girl would take my advice, every woman would be forever free from the toils of any mere man. (walks up and down .in excitement) Bessie But how do you live, Pamela? You don't teach you don't preach— you have to have money. How do you — Pamela (Pauses to ivave hand grandly) Alimony, my dear girl. Alimony. It's the only way in the world to get even with the wretches. A hundred- and-twenty-five a month, and the home for mine. That isn't so bad, you see. Grace But, Pamela, would you— even you— actual- ly condescend to accept money for your support from a mere man. A Mere Man 13 Pamela Why not? He owes it to me. It doesn't half begin to pay for my wounded feelings, my broken heart, my blasted hopes, my ruined dreams, and my wasted life, (drops to sofa weeping). Mrs. Green (Rising) the cruelties and brutal- ities to be laid at the door of — All (Rising indignantly) A mere man. (Elizabeth White enters right. Pamela sinks upon sofa again. The others advance to greet Elizabeth) Elizabeth (Removing hat, jacket, gloves, etc) Now, what's the matter with Pamela? Grace Same old story. Elizabeth (In surprise, over shoulder, hanging wraps on hook) What? Does she have to have it, too? Mrs. Green Have what? Elizabeth (Coming back to group)) Vaccination. All (In consternation) Vaccination? Elizabeth Yes. It's one of the things that made me late tonight. First, I sent Johnnie Jones to the post office with a letter, and he got lost in some of the halls, and couldn't find the right door out, and we had no end of trouble over that. Grace Were the electric lights on? Elizabeth Don't mention them. The school-teachers turned out in a body to find him. Well, then the board had a meeting and decided that no teacher could hold their place any longer unless she was im- mediately vaccinated. I phoned to Dr. Russell. He was out of town, the office girl said, and wouldn't be home for three weeks. He had left a stranger — a Dr. Grey — in charge of his affairs. Dear me. What could I do? (sinks ivearily into chair). Mrs. Green Hideous. Grace Horrible. Pamela Of course it was. Bessie What did you do. Aunt Elizabeth? 14 A Mere Man Elizabeth Why, hello, Bessie. You here, too? I was so excited, I declare I hadn't noticed you. What's gone wrong? Bessie {Coyifiised) n-n-nothing. All {Emphatically) Nothing? Bessie well,— nothing much. Elizabeth {Eying her insistently) But what? Bessie Just— er— Dick. Elizabeth {Sniffs) Humph! Same as nothing. Pamela Of course. Elizabeth But— I told you so. Grace {Triumphantly to others) I told you so. Elizabeth Every mere man can be absolutely de- pended upon . to go wrong sooner or later. Usually sooner. All Sure. Grace But I don't know what he's done. Elizabeth Neither do I. What does that matter? He's bound to go wrong, whatever he does. It's the nature of a mere man. Bessie But do go on with your story, Aunt Eliza- beth. , Elizabeth yes, my story. Well, of course, there was nothing else for me to do. I had to call for this Dr. Gray. Pamela {Eagerly) What was he like? Grace Is he old or young? Mrs. Green Married or single? Elizabeth Don't ask me. He wasn't in. Besides, how was I concerned about the outside or the inside of any mere man. Mrs. Green Where was he? Elizabeth He had a case in the country, and wouldn't be in for an hour. Bessie What did you do? Elizabeth Why, the next best thing, of course. I A Mere Man 15 left my name and address, with instructions for him to call here at once upon his return. All (Each fixing belt, ribbons, hair, etc.) Here? Elizabeth Of course. Where else? It's very humil- iating, I am sure, to have to be under obligations of any kind to a mere man, but if one must — why just get it over with in the quickest and easiest way pos- sible. All Of course. Pamela (Examining face in hand-mirror, powders nose, arranges hair, etc.) How soon do you think he will be here, Elizabeth? Elizabeth I'm sure I don't know. It's time for him now, but one can never depend for one minute upon any move of a mere man. Ch^ace (Looking over Pam's shoulder into the mir- ror, straightening hair, etc.) I wonder if he has an automobile. Elizabeth Trust the creature to look out for his own comfort— if he runs over the rest of the town. Mrs. Green (Has been making frantic ejforts to see over Pam's shoulder, ivithout success. Gets nervous) Do let me take that glass a minute, Pamela. (Primps before it) I wonder how old he is. Bessie (Smiling at the eagerness of the others with a do7i't-care air of one ivho is ' 'settled^ ^ in life) I wonder if he's going to be here permanently. Pamela I wonder if he is married. Grace Or wants to be. Elizabeth (Rising) Well, all I wonder is, whether or not he knows his business. It would be the big- gest wonder of all if he did. The man of it. Dear me. (Looks around to see if the glass is in use. Sees Mi's. Green still occupied luith it, and feels hair ner- vously) I w^onder how my hair looks? Mrs. Green Fine. Elizabeth ( Whirling around for inspection) Would you change your dress? 16 A Mere Man Pamela No. Bessie You look lovely, Aunt Elizabeth. Fm sure he'll be captivated. Elizabeth Humph! No mere man for Elizabeth White. Bessie I did not say that you would be captivated, Auntie. I know you are altogether too superior to those things. But he— how could the hardest, very strongest kind of a mere man be proof against your womanly fascinations. Not this Dr. Gray, Pll war- rant. Elizabeth (Flattered) Nonsense, child. You talk like a baby. [sits. ) 1 amela More like a bride. Mrs. Green Don't tease her, girls. She can't help it now. We warned her all we could before she got into the matrimonial harness. There's nothing left for us to do now, but help her make the most of a bad bargain. If she had only been such a woman as you, Elizabeth. All Yes. Grace But what has Richard been doing to her, that's what I want to know. All {Shaking ivarning finger at Grace) Hush. Elizabeth What's this doctor going to do to me, that's what I want to know. dear, to think I would have to submit to having one of the creatures near me, after all these years. Mrs. Green Where are you going to have it done? Elizabeth {innocently) Why, right here in the house, of course. {Rising) Mrs. Green No, no! On what part of your body? Elizabeth dear. I hadn't thought of that. {turns hand over, hesitating, in great ernbarrassment) Would my wrist do, I wonder? Pamela mercy, no. Away up on your arm. Elizabeth {Shocked, rii'ns hand np arm) my. Must I? I never can. I'll faint. I'll scream. I'll A Mere Man 17 blush away down to my toe-nails! I'll never get over it. ril never dare look anybody in the face again. It's awful! awful! (Sinks to §ofa, overcome with emotion). Pamela Cheer up, Elizabeth, the worst is yet to come. Mrs, Green Don't let him know you care. Re- member, after all, he's just — All (Scornfully) A mere man. (Dr. Gray enters L. All rise in surprise) Dr. Gray ( Uncertainly) The maid told me that I was expected. M?^s. Greeji Expected. Dr. Gn^ay Yes, and that I should come right in. Mrs. Green There must be some mistake, madam. I expected no one — that is no lady. You must have the wrong house. Dr. Gray No, I am sure I am right. A lady— a school-teacher, I believe— -'phoned for me to come here. Pamela You, Elizabeth? Why, what — Dr. Gray (Consults note book) A case of vaccina- tion, I think. All (In disappointed surprise) Ah! Elizabeth Then you are— Dr. Gray Dr. Gray. All Dr. Gray. Dr Gray (bowing low) At your service, ladies. Grace You must excuse us, doctor. We were sur- prised to see you. We thought you were— or would be— I mean— . All A man! Dr Gray I see. Mrs Green Won't you sit down? Dr Gray Are you Miss White? 18 A Mere Man Mrs Green No, I am Mrs. Green, {shakes hands, presents Bessie) And this is my daughter, Bessie. Dr Gray {offer» hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss Green. Bessie No, my name is Brown, {presents Grace) And this is my sister, Grace. Dr Gray {offers hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss Brown. Grace No, my name is Green— just like Mamma's. {presents Pamela) And this is my cousin, Pamela. Dr Gray {offers hand) Pleased to meet you, Miss Green. Pamela No, I am Mrs. Black. And this is my cousin, Elizabeth. Dr Gh^ay {offers hand) Glad to know you, too, Miss Black. Elizabeth No, I am Miss White, your patient. Dr Gray I see, I see. Quite a study in color. Elizabeth {offers chair) Do sit down I Dr Gray {sits) I hope you are not too much dis- appointed that I am not a man. All {in vigorous protest) nol Dr Gray I am Dr. Russell's niece, you see, and when he was called away, he sent for me to take care of his practice while he was out of town. I am sorry if— Mrs Green You needn't be. Dr. Gray. We have no use whatever for mere men in this establishment. I, fortunately, am a widow; my sister here. Miss White, whom you have called to— to— to operate on, is a— a— a— well, a spinster,— from choice, you un- derstand, quite altogether from choice. Grace {aside to Bessie) Whose choice, I wonder? Mrs Green My cousin, Mrs. Black, is a— a— a— well, a separated woman,— a legal widow as you might say, and my daughter, Mrs. Brown ought to be. So you see, we are more than delighted to learn that A Mere Man 19 we have not called upon the assistance of any mem- ber of the despised sex. Dr Gray Well, that's fortunate for me, Fm sure. I find so many objecting to my practice of my profes- sion because of my petticoats, that I am certainly glad to find some supporters. Now if you'll just turn on the electric lights — (jnses, looking around for light^ Bessie Don't mention them! Dr Gray Well, perhaps we had better keep it dark. I'll get busy. But tell me first why you all have such a decided aversion for men. Pamela {as Dr Gray looks at her) My life is ruined, {weeps) Mrs Green {as Dr Gray turns to her) And mine came close to the very brink of despair before I was left to this present glorious state of freedom. Elizabeth {as Dr Gray turns to her) I have al- ways steered clear of the masculine sex. They have no attractions for me. I have no attractions for them. Dr Gray {looking her over significantly, smiling wisely) I see. {turns to Grace) And why don't you like the men? Grace Because Mamma won't let me. Mrs Gh^een {arm around Bessie leads her drooping to Dr Qi^ay) And now, even today, to complete my misery, my daughter— my first one, you know, only a month married, mind you; — has come home to me in tears. Abuse and neglect of that peculiar kind known only to males, has driven her back to the shelter of her childhood's home, and back to the comforting tenderness of the maternal bosom, {draivs Bessie's head to her shoidder, Bessie weeps) Dr Gray What had happened? Grace That's what I'd Hke to know. {Mrs Green leads Bessie to sofa) Dr Gray {looking from one to another) Can it not be straightened ? 20 A Mere Man Pamela Who can ever straighten out matrimonial tangles? i)r Gray (crosses to Bessie at sofa) My poor little lady, I am indeed sorry for you. Maybe I can pre- scribe for that broken heart, too. You are too young, both in years and in experience, to be so unhappy. Won't you tell me what is wrong? Perhaps I have some medicine somewhere about me that will cure you. Bessie Why, I don't mind telling you. Are you married? Dr Gray Yes— several years. All What? Bessie And yet you don't hate the men? Dr Gray Certainly not. Why should I? My hus- band and I are the best of comrades. I took up the study of medicine so that we could work together, you know, and w^e are on the same staff at the Pres- byterian hospital. Just believe me, little woman I know all about married life. Fve seen every phase and form of it. You can trust me. Bessie Well, this morning, at breakfast, — (hesi- tates)— did you see the morning papers^ Dr Q)^ay Certainly. Bessie did you? And did you read all those wonderful bargains at Jones? Dr Gray (smiling) I don't remember. I'm not much interested in bargains, myself. All You aren't? Dr Gray No, indeed. I never want to get any- thing cheap — not even a husband. But go on. Bessie Well, at breakfast this morning, Dick— he's my husband, you know— (Z)?' Gray ?io3s)— well, he was reading the paper at breakfast this morning, and I could read all about those bargains on the back of his sheet, and— and — Dr Gray Yes. A Mere Mem 21 Bessie Well, of course I was iust wild to get hold of it. Grace Of course. Bessie Of course, I didn't say a word. But I- 1 — J just kept looking and waiting for him to lay it down. They were perfectly fascinating— some of the things they advertised— handkerchiefs, shirt waists, silk stockings, and— and — other things, you know. Dr Gray Yes, yes. Go on. Bessie Well, after he finished breakfast, he just folded that paper right up, mind you and put it in his overcoat pocket. All (shocked) Oh! Bessie And took it down town with him, advertis- ing page and all. Pamela The heartless wretch. Elizabeth Brute. Mrs Green Unfeeling creature. Bessie I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried. And then I just made up my mind to come straight home to Mamma. She never hid the papers away from me. She never carried them away from the house all folded up in her pocket. She never — Mrs Green (throiuing arm around her) Of course not. When she wanted to read the papers, she could just read the papers, so she could. Pamela Bless her heart. Dr Gray {puzzled) But is that all? All {astonished that she could ask for more) All? Dr Gray Yes. Just this? Is there no other com- plaint? Bessie no. He's always been just perfectly lovely to me, every other way. Dr Gray Then, my dear, if I were you, I certainly would forgive him, and go right straight home. All Home? 22 A Mere Man Dr Gh^ay Certainly. Bessie Back to Dick? Dr Ch''ay Yes. And I'd hurry, too, so to have supper all ready for him before he gets there. All (stepping forward) But— (Dr Gray stops them, with wave of hand) Dr Gray Listen. How could he know that you would care to read the old dry stuff— er—er — I mean, of course, the charming advertisements— unless you told him? Bessie (thoughtfully) Why, that's so. But I'd let him read it anyway, whether he wanted to or not. Dr Gh^ay But men are a little different from women in some things. Elizabeth Should say so. Pamela (iiodding at Elizabeth) I found it so. Mrs Green And, true enough, what could you ex- pect from — All A mere man. Grace (in disappointed voice) Are you sure that this was all that happened, Bessie? Bessie Wasn't that enough? Grace Fudge. Wasn't there even a quarrel, or a swear-word, or a fuss of any kind? (Bessie shakes head) From the way everybody acted, I supposed you had been dragged around the room by the hair of your head, and beaten black and blue. Pamela (sentimentally shaking head) There are wounds to the soul far more cruel than an injury to the mere flesh. Elizabeth Why didn't you ask him for the paper, Bessie? Mrs Green Or else take it away from him? Bessie I — I — I was afraid. Pamela (sharply) Of what, pray? Bessie He might laugh. Pamela Bosh ! A Mere Man 23 Elizabeth It was certainly foolish of you, Bessie, to say the least. If I were ever to be married — which may Heaven and my good sense forbid — I would still have my own way. I would be bossed and overpow- ered by no mere man. Bessie But I — I Pm different. I — I— I guess Fd better go home, (looks at each in turn, much fright- ened, scarcely daring to speak) Dr'Gray {arm around her) ^ That's splendid, Mrs. Brown. I think so, too. {others look at one another, shrugging shoulders and raising eyebrows, shaking heads) Grace And so do I, Bessie, if that's all the sense you've got. And as for me, this "tempest" has been really "much ado about nothing" and I've made up my mind that I shall certainly marry when I find the right fellow, — All {shocked) Grace! Grace Even if I do have to be the wife of — All (holding up hands in horror) A mere man! CURTAIN. WE ARE SPECIAUSTS IN Amateur Entertainments It is not a side line with us, but we devote our entire time to that b«siness Realizing that many people have grown weary of searching through catalogs and read- ing entertainments only to discard them as unavailable we appreciate the fact that our cus- tomers have often spoken of us as **the house that helps." We have had practical exper- ience in selecting and producing amateur en- tertainments and we feel that we know what will please the public, and what can be pro- duced under certain conditions. Our experience is at your disposal. Write us, giving full particulars of your special need in the way of an enter- tainment, and we will select a play, an oper- etta, a drill or even an entire program for you. But always enclose a stamp for the reply. Remember, that in addition to our entertain- ments we carry a large line of publications of other dealers. If in doubt as to the entertain- ment you desire, send particulars and we will suggest something to fit. Vv'^e are at your service. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio A HIT ON YOUR NEXT PROGRAM ! Something Out of The Ordinary In High-Glass Humorous Songs. MUSICAL SKETCHES FOR YOUNG LADIES By Harry C. Eldridge These fill an urgent need in supplying musical numbers with action, for any secular program, for girls or ladies of any age. Clever words and singable music combined to make novel numbers for your entertainment. THE HAT OF OTHER DAYS. Everyone knows how ridiculous the changing styles make out-of- date hats appear. The song is based on this fact, and the appearance of these *'hats of other days'* will cause loads of merriment. "1 CAN'T 00 A THtNG WITH MY HAIR SINCE IT'S WASHED." Did you ever hear the above expression ? They all say it. This song is for a merry group of girls who have trouble in keeping their hair in bounds. A jolly song. REDUCED TO $1.99. The figures in a dry goods show window are indignant at having to par- ticipate in so many "reduction sales,'' and, revolting, walk off the stage after telling their troubles in song. The eccentric motions of these figures make a very laughable number. THE WfNNINa WAYS OF BRANDMA'S DAYS. Sung in costume, this portrays the many welcome and pleasing* costumes of ''ye olden times.'' Di- rections for minuet included. Very enjoyable. Any one of the above sent postpaid on receipt of 25 cents. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HERE Al..»i!-"""»" • SOME OF OOR VERY NEW TITLES It is always a satisfaction to be the first to get hold of new and novel entertainments, and here is YOUR chance: PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS Aunt Deborah's First Luncheon 25c When Shakespeare Struck The Town 25c Ye Tea Party of Ye Olden Time ., 25c TWO CLEVER MUSICAL PLAYS FOR CHILDREN Under The Sugar Piuni Tree — ^..40c In Little Folks Town ~4Dc TWO NEW MOCK TRIALS Father Time's Christmas Trial 15c Will Soakum's fiiatrimonial 8ureau 25c THREE SPLENDID BOOKS Dramatic Stories, Myths and Legends-.-. | Paper 35c; Boards 50e For Children— The Stage or School Room I Good Stunts for Commencement Week 50c Novelties That Will Enliven This FesUve Occasion What to Say For Closing Day 30c Good Dialogs. Exercises. Etc. for Closing Day. SEND ORDERS TO ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE Franklin, Ohio