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Boston, Mass* J r—^wJ k s - IFW^ 9 Who Kissed Barbara? A Farce in One Act By FRANZ and LILLIAN RICKABY NOTICE This play is published for free performance by amateurs only. Professional companies are forbidden the use of it in any form or under any title, without the consent of the author, who may be addressed in care of the publishers. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER COMPANY 1 92 1 *$& & ^ 1fl Who Kissed Barbara? CHARACTERS (In the order of their appearance.} Barbara Nicols, the bridesmaid. (Petite, lithe, impulsive, and distractingly pretty. Would much rather win a bet than lose it.) Katherine Blake, the bride. (Paul's sister. Slightly older than Barbara, but not too much ; also slightly taller. Ordinarily a very sane and sensible person, but hardly to be held responsible under present conditions. ) James, the butler. (Not quite so pompous as we usually ntake but- lers, but plenty at that! He does not have side-burns, though for the sake of the argument he does wear a dress suit. He has been with the B lakes so long that he can express himself rather freely, but also so long; that he takes a great deal from them, es- pecially the young fry.) Paul Blake, the best man. (Katherine s brother. Blonde, boyish, susceptible ; keen for a joke, always enthusiastic over that which impresses him ; witty at times, though frequently not so until some time after the opportunity to be so has gone ; distinctly eligible. He appears in a dress suit. He is also cultivating a modest little mustache, so tiny and light in color that it might easily escape detection altogether, ) Horace Gregory, the groom. (Practical, efficient, but deeply in love just the same. He is to Paul what Katherine is to Barbara. He also appears in a dress suit, and it so happens that he, Paul, and James could wear the same dress suit, though of course they don I.) Copyright, 1921, by Walter H. Baker Company. JUL 2771 ©CI.Q '5825 Who Kissed Barbara? SCENE. — The drawing-room in a wealthy suburban home. It is spring. Some time after dinner, the evening before the wedding. {The curtain rises on the drawing-room of the Blake home, in darkness except for the semi-glow of the coals in a large fireplace at l., and such light as enters from a heavily curtained door on r., evidently from another room. Before the fireplace one can see the outlines of a large and comfortable daven- port and a tall floor-lamp hovering over it from behind. On the other side of the room, outlined in the same way, are a large library table and a deep leather-upholstered chair. Fidl light would reveal another large chair near the table on the farther side, another curtained door at the back and numer- ous bookcases, chairs, pictures, etc. There is invit- ing comfort in every detail.) Barbara {outside, r.). Katherine, have you seen that piece of paper I had before dinner — the one Horace and I were laughing at ? I can't find it anywhere. Katherine {also outside, but evidently in a different room). No, dear, I haven't seen anything of it. — But come here a minute and tell me which of these negligees to keep. Barb, {evidently moving about): In a moment. But I've got to find that paper first. Kath. Why is it so important? Have you looked in the drawing-room? You were in there just before din- ner. 4 WHO KISSED BARBARA t Barb. I'll bet that's where it is. (We see Barbara enter through the lighted doorway and grope her zvay carefully across the room tozvard the floor-lamp. Suddenly the figure of a man is dimly outlined in the doorway at the rear. He silently overtakes the girl on her way to the lamp. There is the sound of a boisterous kiss. The girl screams. The man exclaims "Damn!" and escapes through the rear door. By the light of the lamp, which Barbara flashes on as soon as she can reach it, she sees only the flying coat-tails of a dress-suited man. Barbara rushes to the rear door and looks down the hall in the direction taken by the assailant, then turns back into the room, dabs at her lips with her handkerchief, glares back at the door as though it were in part responsible, then stamps to the daven- port and throws herself down on it, burying her head in the pillows, registering all the while the anger derived largely from its own helplessness.) Kath. {entering from r.). For heaven's sake, Bar- bara, what made you scream like that? You frightened me to (Sees Barbara and goes anxiously to her.) Why, Bob, dear, what has happened? Are you crying? Barb, (sitting up suddenly and dabbing at her eyes). Yes, I — No, I'm not ! (Stands up and flounces across the room.) I'm perfectly furious. I never was so mad in my life. It's simply outrageous. And he did it on purpose (Throws herself into the easy chair and wails) just so I'd lose my bet! I hate him! And if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be bridesmaid at his d-darned old wedding. Kath. (aghast, goes toward Barbara). Barbara, what are you talking about? (Gives her a little shake.) What has happened ? And what do you mean about my wedding? Barb, (looking up). Katherine, I think Horace Gregory is a nasty, horrid thing; and I don't think you ought to marry him. He's not to be trusted. Katit. (anxiously). Barbara, please, please tell me WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 5 what has happened. You worry me to death. What makes you talk so? Why don't you like Horace? Barb. I tell you he is not to be trusted — in anything. Kath. {strangely close to tears). But why? Why? What has he done? {More angrily.) Barbara, you've got to tell me what happened. Barb, {rises and crosses back to the davenport, rather nervously, perhaps). I don't know how. Kath. {drops into the chair that Barbara has just left). Don't know how? Barbara Nicols, you're the most exasperating woman I ever knew. Why can't you tell me ? Barb. Well — I — I just can't. I — I — they — some- body — Horace (Breaks off and buries her head in the pillows, kicking viciously against the davenport with a free foot.) Kath. Well, I — they — somebody — Horace did what ? Barb, {raises her head to wail). Kissed me ! (And buries her head again.) Kath. {vaguely, hardly knowing whether to be re- lieved or not). Kissed you? Kissed you! Are you — are you sure it was Horace? {Puzzled.) How did it happen ? Barb, {rises again from her pillows). He did it just to make me lose my wager, and I think it's the meanest, dirtiest, most ungentlemanly thing I ever heard of. Especially since I made the wager with him! {Petu- lantly.) He's a tight- wad, a cheat, and I hate him ! Kath. {has come over and sat down beside Barbara). Bob, I simply insist on an explanation, right from the beginning. And first of all, what is the wager you're talking about ? Barb. Well, if you must know. First of all, I was silly enough to tell Horace Gregory that I had never been kissed Kath. {politely surprised). Never been kissed! Why, what do you mean ? Barb. Just what I say. In all my life, — that is, after 6 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? I was old enough to have anything to say about it and up until about ten minutes ago, no man had ever kissed me. (Begins to lose what calmness she has regained.) Kath. Well, go on. Do be sensible now. What has that to do with the wager? Barb. When I was talking to Horace this afternoon, I told him about it, and about the vow too that I made on my sixteenth birthday Kath. {whose eagerness, seemingly well in hand, steps ahead of her). What was that? Barb, {coolly). Now Katherine, dear, I can talk only so fast. — The vow was that I would never, never let a man kiss me, except the man I was to marry; and of course, any one can see that if he happened to be a — that sort of a man, there'd be no preventing it in that case. {A slight pause, each girl with her own thoughts.) Kath. {slowly). And the wager, I suppose, was that you Barb. No use supposing. That's just what it was. When I told Horace all this, he shrieked and howled and thought that my aversion to kissing was quite the most humorous thing he had ever heard. At first he wouldn't believe me, but after I had convinced him Kath. {uneasily). Convinced him? Barb. He wanted to make a wager with me that I would be kissed before he was a married man. I told him, not unless I got engaged too. I felt so absolutely sure of winning that I made him write it down. {Turns and faces Katherine directly.) Why, I knew he'd be a married man in twenty-four hours, and I didn't see how any one could possibly appear, get himself in love with me, and me with him, and kiss me, all in twenty-four hours. And now — and now — {Evidences of rising tem- perature, and the handkerchief suggests tears) the wager's lost, and my vow broken. {Angrily.) I never thought he'd cheat ! I didn't have him specify my — my fiance on the paper. I wish I had. — Where is it, any- way? {Rises and looks for the paper, on the mantel and around the davenport. Katherine sits looking thought- fully into the fire. Barbara finds the paper on the WHO KISSED BARBARA ? J table.) Oh, here it is. (Returns quickly to Katherine holding it out to her.) Here it is. Look. Kath. (takes the wager, looks at the signatures first, as is her prerogative, but says only). Foolishness! (As she apparently begins reading it.) Barb. Read it aloud, Katherine. I haven't any idea how things like that sound. (Struck by a happy thought.) There may be an error in it somewhere too ! Kath. (reads). " Here followeth a wager between Horace Gregory, party of the first part, and Barbara Nicols, party of the second part. The party of the first part wagereth that the party of the second part will be kissed by a man before the party of the first part will have entered the ancient and honorable state of matri- mony, that bourne from which no sensible man returneth. Which wager the party of the second part doth duly accept. The losing party to this wager shall furnish forth a dinner for twelve at Le Blanc's, the winning party to set the time, appoint the menu, and choose the guests. Horace Gregory — Barbara Nicols." Barb, (slowly). I don't see any flaws in it — any legal ones, that is. If I had only made him write " By her fiance " instead of " by a man " ! That was the spirit of it anyway, and he's taken a mean advantage, that's what he has. The very idea of his kissing me himself rather than lose the wager ! Kath. (defending her stronghold bravely). But Bar- bara, dear, are you sure it was Horace ? It certainly doesn't sound like him. I don't believe he'd do a thing like that. He isn't that sort. I think I know him much better than you do, and cheating or otherwise taking advantage of any one is utterly beneath him. — He's the man I'm going to marry to-morrow morning, and my faith in him is not easily shaken. Barb, (significantly). I'm glad it isn't. Kath. Barbara, darling, can't you take my word for it that he didn't do this — this Barb, (mischievously). Dastardly deed? Will that do? 8 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? (Barbara quite naturally can hardly help feasting her- self on Katherine's uneasiness, which grows in the face of a most stubborn resistance.) Kath. (convincing herself). I just know you're — there's been a mistake in it somewhere. What makes you so sure it was he ? Barb. Who else could it be? Kath. But didn't you see him? The light? Barb. Yes, I did get the light on finally. But the room was dark when he — when it happened. Kath. (relieved). Then, silly, how do you know it was Horace? Barb, (exasperated). Katherine, who else could it possibly have been? Consider: (Business of pointing out each element of the demonstration very definitely.) There's the wager ; here am I, temptation : to yield means winning the wager; to withstand means losing it He yielded, as you or I or any one else might have done. That's all there is to it. — Besides, if it wasn't Horace, who could it possibly have been ? Kath. (quietly). James. Barb. ( terror-stricken) . James ! James ! ! James ! ! ! A butler — kiss me? (Dazed at the possibility.) Why, Katherine, I'd rather think it was Horace ! Kath. You flatter Horace, dear. And anyway, re- member, Bob, that our chief obligation is to find out who's guilty, not to consult your preference. Barb, (thoroughly frightened). Oh, Katherine ! Kath. And why not James? There in the dark he might easily have mistaken you for one of the maids and simply stolen a kiss in passing. Such a thing is entirely possible, it seems to me. Barb. Oh, no, Katherine ! How perfectly terrible ! (Slight pause. Barbara unconsciously rubs her lips with her handkerchief.) Kath. (relents somezvhat. Having solved the enigma to her ozvn satisfaction, she is at perfect ease, and in this position is disposed to pity Barbara). Was there any- WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 9 thing about him, dear, that made you think it was Horace especially ? Barb, {very meek, all assurance gone). I couldn't get the light on soon enough, Katherine. I didn't get any- thing but a glimpse of him as he flew out the hall door there. He was in full dress, and that's why I thought it was Horace. I never thought — I forgot that James (Dangerously near tears.) Kath. A dress suit, Bob ? Well, that's something to start on — even if it doesn't get us anywhere. Wasn't there anything else ? Barb. No-o. — Oh, Katherine, there was too! His breath smelled terribly of peppermint. He had just been eating opera sticks, I'm sure. And {hopefully) James wouldn't likely be making away with them so soon after dinner, would he? Kath. {feels the dart of this possibility, but stops the wound). You don't know James like I do, Bob. — But is peppermint all ? Didn't he say anything? Barb. He didn't have a chance to {Startled pause.) Katherine, he did too! When I screamed, he said " Damn ! " Kath. {shocked). Barbara, are you sure? Barb. Absolutely. Kath. {quickly). But Horace's voice — you know it. Was it his ? Barb, {trying to recall). The voice? Oh, Katherine, if I could only remember! It wasn't a voice at all; it was just an exclamation of — of — anger, or surprise, or something. Kath. {victorious again, but not vaunting). But Barbara, why would Horace be surprised or angry if he had intentionally waylaid you to win his wager? Barb, {innocently) . Why, he wouldn't be, would he? And — and James would, wouldn't he, Katherine! (Rises and crosses nervously to the easy chair.) Kath. Well, that doesn't give us a great deal, does it? But it's better than nothing at all. Let's see, dress 10 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? suit, peppermint, and — and " Damn ! " (More to herself than to Barbara.) I'm sure Horace never swears. Barb, (assertively). But, Katherine, I'll not have it so. Everything in reason points to Horace: the wager and all. James' making that mistake at this particular time would have to be an almost unheard-of coincidence, now, wouldn't it? Kath. (thoughtfully). Yes, it would. I think we ought to see who's at the bottom of this. Barb, (vanquished by her own thought). But, Kath- erine, if it should turn out to be James ! It would be perfectly awful ! Do let's let it go. I'll pay the wager and show old Horace Gregory Kath. But Bob Barb, (determined). — that I'm a real sport anyway. Kath. (also determined). No, my dear. There's a principle involved. It's not so much the fact that he — that some one kissed you, though that is quite enough; but you see, I've got to justify my faith in Horace and his sportsmanship. — Dear, whatever it costs, we've just got to find out who kissed you. Barb, (wildly). But think how I'd feel if it were James ! Kath. (archly). And I if it were Horace. (Then as though throwing off the burden in the name of friend- ship.) But cheer up, dear; it may be the man of your early vow. You never can Barb. But how could it be? What men are there around here now except Horace and — James? Your father's in the city, and your brother hasn't come yet — {hopefully) has he? Kath. No, he hasn't. He's always late too. And I'm so afraid he'll be late to-morrow. Wouldn't that be awful? Paul's never on time anywhere or for any- thing. I don't think he ever made a train in his life. — But you'll like him, Bob. He's a dear. I do hope he gets here in time to-morrow for you to meet him before we go to the church. It would be like him to come tearing down the aisle just before the benediction. — But we aren't solving this mystery. How shall we go about it ? WHO KISSED BARBARA? II Barb. I don't care much how we go about it. But oh, if it isn't Horace Kath. But dear, I feel — I know that it wasn't. Barb, (decisively) . Well, let's just send for him and not let him suspect anything, but just let things happen, and I'll wager — no, I won't. I always lose. But I'm sure we'll find that he was the man. Kath. (firmly). And I'm just as sure, dear James (appears at the c. entrance). Beg pardon, Miss Katherine, but Mr. Paul has just arrived and asks me to tell you that he will be down immediately. Kath. (as both girls rise hastily). Paul! How re- markable ! But tell Mr. Gregory, will you, James ? You will find him in the garden, I think. James. Yes, Miss Katherine. [Exit James. (Katherine sits at the right end of the davenport Barbara sits at her feet on a heavy hassock or foot- stool which she drags from beneath the davenport, and leans her arms and head in Katherine's lap.) Kath. I'm so relieved, Bob dear. How fine of him to come to-night. And I do hope you'll like him. But there, I know you will. Barb, (uncertainly). Yes, I know I shall. But I wish he had come sooner. Things might have been dif- ferent then — mightn't they? Kath. (pensively, stroking Barbara's hair). Yes, Bob, they might. Paul (enters c, in evening dress). Hello, Sis! Am I early enough this time ? Kath. (rises and goes to him. They meet c. stage). You're a dear. How did you ever (Kisses him. As she does so, she is apparently startled by something. Draws back, her hands still on his shoulders; then leans closer again. Exclaims.) Peppermint! (Barbara starts, and grasps the davenport, to the left end of which she has withdrawn. Slight pause. Katherine collects herself first, and smiling confidently at Barbara, speaks.) Oh, Paul, I want you to meet Barbara — Barbara Nicols, you remember, my bridesmaid. (Paul starts smilingly 12 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? and energetically toward Barbara, who has risen. He prepares to extend his hand to her as he rounds the right end of the davenport, but, with his eyes fixed on Bar- bara, he does not see the footstool, over which he stumbles and falls headlong at the girl's feet. As he sprawls, the girls both hear, low but unmistakable, "Damn!" He is on his feet in an instant, but inex- pressibly embarrassed, he sinks weakly into the daven- port at the far right end. At the sound of the magic word, both Catherine and Barbara start and look at each other, Katherine somewhat triumphant again, Barbara plainly confused.) Paul ! ! (Barbara gazes at him a moment as though fascinated, then collapses to the davenport at the extreme right end.) Horace {enters briskly, r. entrance. Goes to Paul). Well, well, old boy, but I'm glad to see you! (Paul rises weakly to shake hands, then subsides again.) Fve been having visions all day of a best-man-less wedding to-morrow. Fd be sure to lose the ring, or {looking at Barbara) put it on the wrong girl. Kath. {with a little grimace at this sally, comes be- hind the davenport, well toward Barbara). But Paul, how on earth do you happen to be here at this hour? I thought the Van Lynn theatre party was to-night. Paul {looks straight ahead and talks dazedly). It was, but I left right after dinner. When the others went to the theatre they dropped me at the station. That's why I've got on my " soup-and-fish. ,, {Indicates his dress-suit.) I vowed Fd be on time once in my life, and make that " once " your wedding. {Doggedly.) Might have been better if Fd been a little late instead, I guess. (Horace meanwhile takes out his cigarette case and removes a cigarette. Turns to go over to the easy chair, tapping the cigarette on the closed case. Bar- bara draws Katherine's attention, indicating by vigorous sign language that Horace must not be allowed to smoke a scent-destroying cigarette. WHO KISSED BARBARA f 13 Katherine catches on, and overtaking Horace, takes gentle hold of the cigarette, removing it from his hand.) Kath. {coaxingly). Horace — are you that nervous? Horace (a little surprised). Why, dear, I haven't smoked since dinner. And really, you know, I'm not a bit nervous; not a particle. (Katherine hangs on his arm, sniffing every time she finds an opportunity, or can make one.) I think you're the nervous one. Kath. I nervous? Not a bit. {Leads him to the easy chair.) Gome on; you sit down here and calm yourself. {Pushes him into the chair. During this Bar- bara and Paul sit at their respective ends of the daven- port, stealing curious glances at each other occasionally, one or two of which collide. Barbara finally turns away and begins drumming the end of the davenport with the fingers of one hand. Paul, still incapacitated by his re- cent experience, fusses with his collar, vest, etc. As Katherine pushes Horace into the easy chair she gives a big sniff and exclaims tragically. ) Peppermint ! ! (Barbara springs to her feet with an I-told-you-so expression. ) Paul {grimly). Those were her remarks about me too, old man. Kath. {in confusion, sinking into a chair). Well Barb, {with finality). Well. Paul {interrogatively) . Well? Horace {impatiently). Well — I don't see — I told you I hadn't smoked since dinner, and the last thing I ate was an opera stick. It seems to have been a peppermint one. Now what's remarkable about that? Kath. {dazed; more enthralled by the phenomenon itself than by the explanation of it). But — and Paul Paul {with a slight shrug of his shoulders, as though there weren't enough foolishness in the world already). Those infernal Van Lynns are always up to something funny. To-night they had onions fixed up to look like those frozen rose things, and we all ate a lot before it 14 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? dawned on us what was the matter. I didn't want to come here smelling like a Yiddish bakery, so I ate about a package of life-savers on the way here. They must have been peppermint ones, though I didn't notice at the time. Horace {exasperated). Well, if peppermint affects beautiful women this way, let's have James bring in the rest of the opera sticks, and we'll all eat a clove one. {He rings for James as he speaks. James appears at the c. entrance.) Bring in the dish of opera sticks that were left from supper, James. James {turning). Yes, sir. Kath. And James James. Yes, Miss Katherine? Kath. Will you bring some iced grape juice too, please ? James. Yes, Miss Katherine. [Exit. (Katherine very coolly ignores Horace. Barbara ignores both men. The air is clearly charged with something icy already. Horace, trying to appear unconcerned, takes out a cigarette again, and carries the opened case to Paul, who nervously takes one. They both start to light up when Horace catches sight of Katherine's face and remembers.) Horace {penitentially). Oh, Katherine — I forgot. I'm sorry. {Puts cigarette back in the case, as he goes toward the table. Paul is about to light his when he suspects that perhaps he too ought not to smoke just now. After some pantomime of uncertainty, he gives up and lays the cigarette carefidly on the arm of the davenport. Horace, at the table.) I guess I am a little nervous — or something. {Straightens shoulders.) Oh, well, I guess if there's any time in a fellow's life that he has a right to get nervous, to-night's that time. Kath. {very cool). Indeed! And what about the woman? {Significantly.) She has a great deal more at stake ; and you see, / am not nervous in the least. (She sits very straight and stiff to prove the fact. WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 15 Nervous? Of course she isn't; no one ever saw a nervous iceberg! To her assertion both men reply together, very ingratiatingly.) Paul. ) Of course ,5 Horace, j Certainly not. Paul {alone). — not. Kath. (witheringly) . Now you needn't both be idiots ! Horace. ) Of course Paul. ) Certainly not. Horace (alone). — not. (Katherine is plainly disgusted. Barbara conceals her momentary amusement only with difficulty. The men rage inwardly at their helplessness. James enters, c, with a tray holding a decanter of grape juice, glasses with ice, and a dish of opera sticks. He stops c. stage, as Katherine rises and goes to- ward him to take the opera sticks. She suddenly looks closely as though at something in one of the glasses. Barbara rises also and comes around the rear of the davenport to where Katherine and James stand.) Kath. (severely). James, what is that? James (is distinctly startled. He gives a quick em- barrassed little cough which he dutifully averts with one hand which he disengages from the tray, and leans over the tray anxiously). Where, Miss Katherine? (But the little cough, diverted from the tray and Katherine, unfortunately reaches Barbara, who starts back in horror and dismay, then runs to Katherine.) Barb. Oh, Catherine ! Peppermint ! ! (She buries her head on Katherine's shoulder. Paul and Horace look at each other in blank despair.) James (a very fountain of apologetic sympathy) . Yes, Miss Katherine, I'm sorry, but I believe they are all pep- l6 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? permint flavor. I'll be glad to send out and get some of the others for Miss Barbara if Kath. {thoroughly angry for Barbara's sake). James ! ! Jajvies {recoils a step, and by every criterion silently declares himself guilty of something or other). Y-yes, Miss Kath Kath. (Barbara stands apart, her face hidden in her hands). How dare you take such liberties in the house of your employer? We expect servants to take a good deal that isn't theirs; but that kind of theft will not be tolerated. James {abjectly). But Miss Katherine, I was all through in the dining-room, and just happened to be passing the Kath. You were, at all events, distinctly out of your place. My father shall hear of this unmentionable action of yours immediately. James. But Miss Katherine, I thought you were Kath. {inexpressibly haughty). Unfortunately, it was not I. James. I — I took only one, Miss Katherine. Any of the others might have taken (Barbara sobs visibly and audibly. Katherine turns from James in supreme disgust.) Kath. I think that will be all. Put the tray on the table, please. Jajmes {does as he is told. Turns and goes toward c. door. In the door he turns with something of contempt, to say). Beg pardon, Miss Katherine, but I think this is pretty much of a stir to make over — over one opera stick. [Exit. (There is an eloquent pause. Barbara turns as though suddenly saved from the jaws of death.) Paul {dryly). I feel a little that way about it myself, Sis. Kath. {sitting). If that were only all! WHO KISSED BARBARA? 1 7 (Barbara remains standing, silently miserable.) Horace (after a pause). Well, inasmuch as we have the grape juice, we might as well use it. (Rising.) And I seem to be the only one around here sane enough to pour it — or do anything else, for that matter, — without smelling peppermint. " (He pours out a glass. Takes it to Katherine who receives it without any recognition, and sits holding it absently. Returning to the table he pours another, for Barbara. He indicates that it is for her, and hands it tozvard her without turning, at the same time beginning to pour a third glass with his left hand. Barbara steps over toward him, slightly behind him, so that the offered glass is almost over his left shoulder. As he thinks Barbara has the glass, he lets go. Barbara does not have hold of it, and the juice is spilled on Horace's arm and shoulder.) Damn! (The word brings the girls sharply back to their problem.) Kath. (rises and goes quickly to the fireplace where she places her glass on the mantel). Oh! Horace! How could you ! And I trusted you so ! (Horace is plainly embarrassed, but angry as well; makes no reply.) Barb. Oh, Horace, I'm so sorry! (Turns toward Katherine.) Really, Katherine, it was all my fault. I should have been more careful. Kath. (freezes up). I'll have no double standard of morals in my home, if you please. Horace (stopping suddenly in his brushing). Double standard of morals ! Why, bless your souls, I'd not have it either. Morals! Why, dear, I've only acted as any man would act in such a circumstance, and as any woman might act for all I'd care. Kath. It's quite bad enough to have done the thing, Mr. Gregory, without boasting about it. Barb, (in her womanly concern over the spilled grape juice she has forgotten for a moment the issue of the l8 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? evening. Horace's and Katherine's last speeches re- call it. She becomes indignant at the thought of the wager). I suppose I should be concerned about the morals of it too; but what makes me furious is the bad sportsmanship, the actual cowardice of any one who would Horace. Would what? Kath. {firing). That's it. You would glorify your weakness by hearing its echo on the lips of one of its victims, I suppose? Barb. Modesty does not repeat such things. ( Horace falls into the easy chair in despair, head in hands. Barbara steps toward Paul. ) And do you think, Mr. — Mr. Blake, that you could undertake to drink a little grape juice without incriminating yourself? Paul (jumps to his feet, beaming). Thank the good Lord ! I thought you were never going to speak to me. I haven't had any kind of a chance to tell you how glad I am to meet you. (Puts out his hand, into which Barbara lays hers de- . murely. Paul, holding Barbara's hand, suddenly looks back at the footstool and kicks it viciously under the davenport. Releases her hand.) Barb, (pleasantly). I'm glad to meet you too, Mr. — Blake. I finally speak to you, I think, largely because you seem to be the only man present whose immediate past is clear, and in whose care the innocent are safe. Paul (bows elaborately). Many thanks, fair lady. Remember, however, that the dependability of the really honest man in such matters is assured by others more often than admitted by himself. Barb, (sweetly). Oh, do you mean that? Paul. I certainly do. I may even now be guilty of the deepest crimson crime Barb, (hastily, touching his sleeve lightly). Oh, no! Not the deepest one. You arrived too late for that. Paul (laughing). Too late? Has my cursed habit blessed me for once? And I thought I was early this, time! — Can't we be seated? WHO KISSED BARBARA? 19 Barb. Of course. {They sit on the davenport, close together.) I want to ask you a question, — Mr. Blake. Paul. All right, just so it isn't one I can answer. I hate responsibility. — But first, since you and I are going to officiate at the (indicates Horace and Kath- erine) obsequies to-morrow — be sort of chief mourners, you know — don't you think we might use each other's first names to some advantage ? I'm Katherine's brother, and know, and you know her very well. And besides, the only reason we haven't known each other for years is that — we — just didn't come together that long ago. Barb, (much amused by his argument) . Your reason- ing is quite remarkable. Paul. Thanks, ever so much. Furthermore, I think Barbara is a beautiful name, far too beautiful to be made to wait on ceremony and conventionality; and as for Paul, — well, it's more quickly said than " Mr. Blake," and in this age of high speed and quick delivery, that is something. Barb. Yes; and I think too that people in affairs of this kind — weddings, I mean — somehow become ac- quainted more quickly than ordinarily, sometimes before they have really had an opportunity. Don't you think so? Paul (worshipfully) . I haven't the least doubt of it. Horace (raising his head from his hands). Especially true in the case of the bride and groom ! (At this pointed remark, Katherine leaves her place at the mantel, where she has been doing her best to look straight through Horace, and crosses wearily to the chair back of the table. As she does so, Horace rises and goes solicitously toward her.) Katherine dear, I think you should go to bed. You're all tired out. Kath. How dare you attempt to send me to bed, Horace Gregory! Oh, I have been so deluded. I wouldn't have believed it. Horace. What are you talking about? — My dear, you're simply a nervous wreck. Please go get some rest. (Sentimentally.) Remember, Sweetheart, to-morrow Kath. (angrily). Remember? Remember! I wish 20 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? it wouldn't come. If only you would own up, confess, explain, apologize, be sorry, something Horace (quietly). But dear, why confess something we both know I'm guilty of in the Kath. (brokenly). So you did do it after all? Horace (still quietly). Of course I did, Sweetheart. Why deny it? Even if I could convince you otherwise, there is still Barbara, who is especially concerned. But why on earth has everything taken on such tragic im- portance to-night ? James with his opera stick, I and my meaningless little oath Kath. (coldly quiet). Not the oath so much as what it stands for. Horace. What it (Throws out his arms in despair, and drops again into the easy chair, his back toward Katherine.) Paul (confidentially). Something seems to be ter- ribly wrong here. (Turning to Katherine.) I say, Sis, aren't you being a little rough on some one? Barb, (tartly). Now if you are wise, you'll not waste any sympathy on Horace. Paul. Well, I'll say the Middle Ages had nothing on you two when it came to holding a man guilty until he was proved guilty — and then giving him no chance to prove anything. Tell me (indicating Horace with a backward nod of the head) what's he done? Barb. I'll never tell you. Though he probably will and you'll both laugh over it, as soon as you're alone. Paul. Laugh over it ! Over a funeral like this ? (Katherine, after her last speech, began fumbling with her engagement ring, finally slipping it off her finger. During Barbara's and Paul's last words she evidently dropped it to the floor.) Kath. (quietly, almost unconcernedly). Horace, ring for James, please. (All three turn inquiringly. Horace does as he is told. Only Paul speaks.) WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 21 Paul. Poor James may be across the state line by this time. (Katherine withers him with a look just as James appears, very haughty, at the C. entrance.) Kath. James, I have dropped something. (Barbara and Paul rise hastily and start toward Katherine, who is searching busily about her chair.) Paul. Dropped something? Horace. What was it ? Barb. Was it anything valuable, Katherine? Kath. No — yes — I don't know ; but I didn't want to lose it — just this way. James, will you help find it, please ? James (coming forward). Yes, Miss Katherine. What shall I look for? Kath. (nervously). It was a Never mind; you'll know when you see it. (Business of general search.) It was very small, and it might have bounced almost anywhere — though it ought to be around this chair. — Horace, you please look over around the table there ; and Paul, you over there by the davenport. Bar- bara and James and I will look here. (Horace and Paul exchange looks and go to their respective places, Horace moving the easy chair and looking eagerly under the table, Paul rubbering about under and around the davenport, both men on hands and knees.) Paul (after a moment). For goodness' sake, Sis, you might tell us what it is. I may have found it and thrown it away three or four times by now. Horace (with finality). Well, whatever it was, it's quit being around here. (He rises, brushes himself, and sits down in his chair.) Paul (continuing the search). There's nothing here 22 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? either, but Fm going on; that may be what she lost, for- all I know. She's given us such a vivid description of it ! (James is on his hands and knees to the left of Kath- erine's chair, feeling every inch of the carpet under and around it. Barbara, searching just as faithfully in front of it, steps squarely on one of James' groping fingers.) James {straightening up on his knees, and grasping the injured member tightly in his other hand). Damn! Barb, (as though stabbed with the telltale word). Oh! (Leans weakly against the back of the davenport, regard- ing Jakes with horror. Katherine goes quickly and kneels beside Horace's chair and draws him over to her. He puts his arm around her. Paul ceases his search, but remains on his knees as though fascinated by Bar- bara's terror.) James! What — what did you say? James. I'm most sorry, Miss Barbara; but the pain, you know. I forgot myself. I am very sorry. (He turns to leave, very ill at ease, still nursing his mashed finger. Barbara follows him with horror- stricken gaze.) Kath. (softly). Oh, Horace, how could I have doubted you ? James (turning in the doorway). Pardon me, Miss Katherine, but shall I send a maid in to look for the — er — the lost article ? Kath. (suddenly remembers the loss, and stands ex- citedly). Why, yes, of course — I mean, no. I — I do not think it is lost any longer. James (meaningly, with a curt bow). That is my opinion also, Miss Katherine. [Exit. Barb, (wailing). How awful! Oh, how terrible! James ! James, a butler ! (She stands near the right end of the davenport, a forlorn picture.) Paul (gets to his feet near the left end of the daven- WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 23 port). Why, little bridesmaid, you make me feel wretched. If a mere butler swearing has made such an effect on you, think how I feel when I remember that that was the first word I ever said to you, here at your feet. Barb, {suddenly lifts her head, as though struggling with a thought. Then the light breaks). Why — you did say — that too, didn't you ? And so did you, Horace ! Katherine ! Do you realize what has happened ? Kath. {absent-mindedly, looking furtively around the floor). Yes, dear. Barb. Katherine, wake up ! Don't you know that they all smelled of peppermint, and all said — that? Where have we gotten to? Kath. {wearily coming back to Horace's side). No- where, Bob ; and worse than nowhere. Horace {noting the weariness in her voice takes her hand). How, dear? Kath. Nowhere because what was at first a mystery is still a mystery ; and worse than nowhere because — I've lost something that I (Her voice trembles and she does not go on.) Barb, {all sympathy). Oh, Katherine! Horace {rising). Sweetheart, I want to help you, but it's all mystery. Everything this night has been mysteri- ous Paul {looking steadily at Barbara). Mystery's no name for it. Barb. But Katherine, let's look again, real carefully. Paul {planting himself firmly in front of the fireplace, hands behind him). I look for nothing more until I can at least call it by name. Barb, {turns full upon him and smiles). It might be under the davenport — Paul. {Whereupon Paul succumbs and renews his hunt, much to Horace's amusement.) Kath. It's no use. I'm certain now that James told 24 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? the truth when he said it was his opinion that the article was not lost any longer. (Paul rises and stands again at the fireplace.) Horace. But you said so yourself, dear. Kath. I did, because I was sure — he found it, just as I am that he has it now. Paul. Poor Jim ! Pie's in bad again. (A look from Barbara puts Paul in his proper place.) Kath. Horace, dear, HI have to tell you what it was, for we must get it back. It was my — our diamond — our engagement ring. Barb. Your ring, Katherine ! Paul. Why, Sis ! (Horace takes Katherine, seats her gently in the easy chair, and stands at her left, holding her hand.) [ Kath. (tearfxdly) . I was toying with it, and dropped it. It must have rolled a little bit, for I couldn't see it. — I didn't want you — and Paul — to know. I — I — oh, Horace, what shall we do? Paul {stirring himself valiantly). Til go out and hale him into court, Sis. I thought there was something crooked looking about that fellow the first time I saw him. [Exit, c, in haste. (Barbara, not knowing what else to do, looks about on the floor.) Kath. (pleading). Be angry with me, Horace. No matter what happened, I had no right to lose our — our ring. Horace (gently), I could never be angry with you, my own. Did it mean so much, then ? Kath. (looking at her hand in his). It is so awful to be without it, Horace ! And to have lost it so childishly, so uselessly Horace (stealing the ring back on the third finger of the hand he holds). Yours again, Sweetheart. WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 25 Kath. Horace! The ring? Why — how — where Look, Bob! James hasn't it after all! (With a deep sigh.) Oh, Horace dear, I'm so glad! Horace. You were right, dearie. It did bounce and roll. I found it here by the table-leg. (Teasingly.) But, of course, not knowing what you had lost. Paul (enters hastily, heavily under the influence of excitement, his hat and coat half on). He's not in the house ! The fellow's gone ! Said he'd stepped out to get some opera sticks. — C'mon, Harry, stir yourself. — Bar- bara, you 'phone the station. We'll go down the street. He can't have gone far ! Barb, (takes Paul gently by the arm, as though to soothe him, and leads him to the davenport and pushes him into it, where he sits foolishly). No, not far, Paul. And he'll be back in a moment. You wait for him there. (She stands behind him.) Paul (looks about dazedly, sees the tranquillity over in the easy chair, and notes the diamond flashing on Katherine's hand. He collapses). Oh Lord! This place is haunted. Barb. Especially when the lights are out. (Paul glances quickly at her.) Kath. (suddenly, taking Horace's hand in both of hers). But it wasn't you, was it, Horace? Horace. What wasn't me, dear? Let's have the mystery. Kath. Well, it is a mystery, Horace, and we've been Sherlock Holmsing to — to Barb, (slowly, pointedly, looking straight at Horace). — to find what kind of a villain it is that cheats, that resorts to the infamous ways of darkness We were searching for a criminal that I loathe ! (Stamps her foot.) Paul. I'm glad you're not looking at me now! Barb. Silly ! I might have been looking at you, but 26 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? (sweetly) you were too late. (Then haughtily, to Horace.) However, I shall insist on paying my forfeit, and I shall insist that you invite my — your best man for me. Horace. But Barbara Paul (eagerly, to Barbara). Invite me I don't know what to, but 1*11 risk it. Do you mean it ? Barb. Here's my hand on it. (Paul takes her ex- tended hand, then, with his left hand on his breast, and a mock-heroic bow, leans over and kisses it, much longer than was at all necessary. — Suddenly the coquettish smile leaves Barbara's face. She is puzzled; tries to remem- ber. She pulls her hand away, and Paul straightens up. Barbara'^ face suddenly lightens.) Oh, Katherine, it wasn't Horace! It wasn't James! (Turns accusingly on Paul, pointing at him.) It was you! Kath. Why, Bob, how could it be Barb, (almost dancing). I don't care whether it could or not, or how it could. There were cyclones of pepper- mint, and torrents of " damns," but there was only one — mustache ! Paul Blake, it was you ! Paul (meekly). Yes; I was it. (Looking dozmt.) I can explain. (He walks over in front of the fireplace.) Horace (to Paul). So it was you, eh? Still a mys- tery. Now if somebody will kindly explain these occult consignments of peppermint and calamity, the day will be won. Horace. One at a time, please. (Paul stands watching Barbara, waiting to know his fate.) Barb. It's all on account of our wager, Horace. I thought you did it so I'd have to pay for the dinner. Horace. The wager? What Oh, our wager. Well ? Barb, (looks down). Well, you see — I've lost it. Horace. You lost — (He grows more and more boister- ous in his amusement as the light breaks) the wager? WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 27 And Paul here — ho ! ho ! ho ! — did he ? And inside of twenty-four hours! Ha! ha! ha! That's too good to keep. Kath. She insisted that it was you, Horace; but I couldn't believe you'd do such a thing. Would you? I thought it was James. Horace. James ? Ye gods ! That's worse yet. (Goes into a paroxysm of delight.) Paul (puzzled). Wager? What's the wager? Horace (eagerly). Why, Barbara here has — I mean had never been Barb, (tartly). Never you mind, smarty. I can tell it. And under the circumstances I'll pay the forfeit gladly. (Paul is elated, though he doesn't know ex- actly why.) Anybody but James! (Paul is crestfallen. Barbara watches him slyly.) Paul (seriously, looking up). But let me explain, Miss — (At a look from her) Barbara. As you know, I cut the theatre party and got here on the first train out, which explains my getting here so much earlier than you and Katherine thought I would. I came in quietly, merely telling James that I was going to surprise every- body. When I got in the hall I heard voices, and so looked in here. I saw a girlish figure which I mistook for Katherine. I didn't know it wasn't she until — until you shrieked in my ear. That flabbergasted me so com- pletely that I vanished just as fast as I could, to sort of compose myself. Then I had James announce me, just to establish my innocence. — (Mischievously.) It was a most thrilling experience. And I hope I'm forgiven, a little bit? (Holds out his hand.) Barb, (putting her hand in his). Yes, a little bit; because if it was you, it couldn't be James. I would rather it were anybody than James. (Horace and Katherine hold a whispered consulta- tion during this speech.) 28 WHO KISSED BARBARA ? Paul (retaining the hand). You can't burn me up, little bridesmaid ; so don't waste time trying it. James (comes to the c. entrance. He has a small white bandage on his injured finger). Beg pardon, Miss Katherine, but I have gotten some more opera sticks, if Miss Barbara would care for any now. Barb, (in a tone of voice that indicates willingness to fall on his neck). Oh, that was so kind of you, James. Thank you, awfully. Kath. (infinitely gracious). But we're just stepping out for a stroll in the garden, James. Might we have some hot chocolate in the library in half an hour, and (smiling) your opera sticks? James (with his usual slight bozv). Yes, Miss Kath- erifle. (Turns to leave.) Barb, (uncertainly). Oh, — James. James. Yes, Miss Barbara? Barb. I just wanted to say that — that — you have just helped us run to earth a very wicked villain. James (slight bow). I am glad to have been of the least service to you, Miss Barbara. (Again turns to leave.) Kath. And James James (turns back patiently). Yes, Miss Katherine? Kath. I feel that I should tell you that the article for which we were hunting a few minutes ago has been found. I thought it might — relieve you — to know. James (slight bow). Thank you, Miss Katherine. I knew it would be safe. I saw Mr. Gregory pick it up. [Exit, with the victory Paul (after a pause). Well, I guess nobody around here is much of a hero ! Horace (laughingly, as he rises). Except you. (Barbara silently seconds him.) But let's go out for a look at our patron saint, the old moon. He's waiting for us. Paul. You'll see, though, there'll be peppermint on his breath; and if he says a word, it'll be (Barbara claps her hand over his mouth.) WHO KISSED BARBARA ? 29 Barb, (in mock severity). No more villains, please! Horace (as he and Katherine walk, arm-in-arm, toward the c. entrance). No odds, let him say it. Some villains are lucky. [Exeunt. Paul (suddenly stopping). But Barbara, what was the question? Barb, (puzzled). The question? What question? Paul (sternly). As we sat on that davenport those ages ago, and I persuaded you that first names were best, you said you wanted to ask me a question. Barb, (remembering). Oh, yes! (Laughs.) But I really wouldn't need to ask it now. Paul (disappointed). Not? Barb. No. (Seriously.) I'll tell you. I was going to ask you why you wore a mustache — like that. (Deep sigh of extreme relief. ) But I'm glad now you had it ! Paul. Yes. (Feels his mustache tenderly with the fingers of his left hand.) Fm very proud of it. (Bar- bara has gone toward the floor-lamp, and reaches for the switch.) And I wore it, if for no other reason, that it might be known (the light goes out) who kissed Barbara. (The room is in the same semi-light as at first. Paul takes Barbara's hand and draws her arm through his, and together they walk toward the c. entrance, very much absorbed in each other, and certainly happy.) SLOW CURTAIN OLD DAYS IN DIXIE A Comedy-Drama in Three Acts By Walter Ben Hare Five males, eight females. Scene, a single interior. Costumes of the period. Plays two hours and a quarter. Beverly Bonfoey, a high type of Southern gentleman, loves Azalea, his mother's ward, but Raoul Chaudet, a Canadian adventurer, to whom he has given the hospitality of Bonfoey, steals her love. Forced to leave suddenly because of crooked money transactions, he persuades her to elope, but this is prevented by a wonderfully dramatic device. Beverly then challenges Raoul, who shows the white feather and runs away, and Beverly, to save the family honor, assumes the consequences of his swindling transactions. The untying of this knot is the plot of a strong play with a genuine Southern atmosphere written wholly from the Southern point of view. Royalty, $ I o.oo for the first and $5.00 for subsequent performances by the same cast. Price, 33 cents CHARACTERS The Prologue, the Goddess of the South. Madame Bonfoey, mistress of the plantation. Azalea, her ward. Nancy, Azalea s sister. Cousin Sallie Sellers, from a neighboring estate. Phoebe, a little coquette. Mary Rose, Phoebe s sister. Mam' Dicey, the house mammy. Beverly Bonfoey, the young heir. 4udge Pennymint, his uncle. Laoul Chaudet, a visitor from Quebec. Cameo Cl.emm, from the city. Unker Shad, a bit of old mahogany . Beaux and Belles of Dixie. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Act I. The drawing-room of the Bonfoey Plantation in 1849. The letter. * Act II. The dinner party. The duel. Act III. An April morning, three years later. The return. THE ORIGINAL TWO BITS A Farce in Two Acts By Hazel M. Robinson iVrilten for and presented by The Invaders Club of the United Baptist Church of Lewis ton, Maine Seven females. Scene, an interior. Plays twenty minutes. The girls in camp receive a visit from a neighbor and have to borrow the neighbor's own dinner in order to feed them. They almost get away with it — not quite. Irish comedy character, eccentric aunt, rest straight. Price, 23 cents Hat ton Hall School. CAMP FIDELITY GIRLS A Comedy in Four Acts By Edith Lowell Dramatized by permission from the well-known story by Annie Hamilton Don tie 11 One male, eleven females. Scenery, two interiors. Plays two hours. A jolly party of girls occupy an old farmhouse for the summer and there discover a secret that makes for the happiness and prosperity of a poor little cripple. A very " human " piece full of brightness and cheer and with a great variety of good parts. Price, 33 cents CHARACTERS Barbara Wetherell ) Judy Wetherell, her sister . , 4 . JESSICA THAYEft vjt^L Mary Shepherd, otherwise Plain Mary Edna Hull Mrs. Tucker, a next-door neighbor, Johnnie Tucker, known as Johnnie-Son. Barnaby Campbell, a big child. Jennie Brett, a country girl. Cousin Salome. Aunt Elizabeth. Uncle Jeff. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Act I. Room at Hatton Hall School. Act II. Scene I. Camp Fidelity. Afternoon. Scene II. The next morning. Act III. Scene L Same. Two weeks later. Scene II. Midnight. Act IV. Scene I. Same. Six weens later. Scene II. A half hour later. MARRYING MONEY A Play in One Act By Alice L. Tildesley Four females. Scene, an interior. Plays half an hour. The girls seek a job with the millionaire's mother and one of them gets one for life with the millionaire. One eccentric character and three straight. Price, 25 cents THE OVER-ALLS CLUB A Farce in One Act By Helen Sherman Griffith Ten females. Scene, an interior. Plays half an hour. The " Over- Alls Club" meets for the first time in its denim costume with enthusiasm for economy that only lasts until young Dr. Ellery is announced. Finishes in pretty gowns. Price, 23 cents r t^t •«**■• tAk- -m^t tAt A A A 3*m Jfc •»»- ^b A aim ■»■ -d^ jrfW' -JOKJW fc LJt fl li ail caOm Plays for Junior High Schools Salty Luna Mr. Bob The Man from Brandos A Box of Monkeys A Rice Pudding Class Day Chums An Easy Mark Pa's New Housekeeper Not On the Program The Cool Collegians The Elopement o! Ellen Tommy's Wife Johnny's New Suit Thirty Minutes for Refreshment? 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