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 Classics 
 
 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 BUNYAN 
 
 i n i m i ni M— — m 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE 
 CHIEF OF SINNERS 
 
 OR 
 
 A BRIEF AND FAITHFUL RELATION OF THE EXCEED- 
 ING MERCY OF GOD IN CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT 
 
 tf 
 
 P 
 
 Edited with an Introduction 
 by 
 
 EDWARD CHAUNCEY BALDWIN, Ph.D. 
 
 ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH LITERATURE 
 AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS 
 
 GINN AND COMPANY 
 
 BOSTON • NEW YORK • CHICAGO • LONDON 
 

 Copyright, 1910, by 
 EDWARD CHAUNCEY BALDWIN 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 GINN AND COMPANY • PRO- 
 PRIETORS • BOSTON • U.S.A. 
 
 £CLA25< 
 
PREFACE 
 
 Because Bunyan's Grace Abounding is so complete a rev- 
 elation of the mind of Puritanism, because it is so perfect an 
 example of the subjective autobiography, because of its interest 
 as a narration of a soul-experience, and finally because it fur- 
 nishes such an illuminating commentary upon Pilgrim's Progress, 
 it cannot well be ignored by any student of the literature of the 
 seventeenth century. Despite the undeniable interest and value 
 of the book, however, no cheap and at the same time reliable 
 text has hitherto been available. In the belief that other teachers 
 of English would welcome such a text, but chiefly because the 
 editor has felt the need of one in his own university teaching, 
 he has prepared this edition. The text, used by permission of 
 the publishers, is that of the Clarendon Press. No notes have 
 been admitted, because in so simple and straightforward a nar- 
 rative none seemed necessary. Some questions for the study 
 of the book have, however, been included, but merely by way 
 of suggestion. They are not intended to be even measurably 
 complete, but are meant only to suggest a method of approach. 
 Whether the book be read for its interest as an historical docu- 
 ment, as a literary classic, or for its purely human interest, it 
 
 will repay a thorough and reverent study. 
 
 K. C. B. 
 
 Urbana, Illinois 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 INTRODUCTION vii 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY xvii 
 
 SUGGESTIVE QUESTIONS xix 
 
 GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. . . i 
 A RELATION OF THE IMPRISONMENT OF MR. JOHN 
 
 BUNYAN 117 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 Banyan's Character revealed by His Work. The external facts 
 in the life of Bunyan are relatively unimportant, for they give 
 us little insight into the real nature of the man. The outward 
 events in the lives of most great authors, and in this respect 
 Bunyan is not exceptional, are comparatively unimportant, be- 
 cause such men are not men of action. Theirs were lives, not 
 primarily of action, but of thought. Consequently, we know these 
 men rather through what they have written than through what 
 they have done. We know far more about Shakespeare, for 
 example, from his plays than from the scanty records of his life. 
 In the case of Bunyan, however, our knowledge of what manner 
 of man he was is supplemented, not only from what we are able 
 to infer from the tracts and allegories that he wrote, but from his 
 own account of his inner life as recorded in Grace Abounding 
 to the Chief of Sinners. The book is a spiritual autobiography, 
 like the Confessions of St. Augustine. It is one of the most vivid 
 accounts of spiritual struggle and victory ever penned. From it 
 we are able to see clearly, even though we may not be able to 
 explain them, those qualities of mind and heart which gave him 
 such power to influence, through the written and the spoken 
 word, the lives of other men. We know how he impressed 
 those who knew him. 
 
 Contemporary Estimate. A contemporary of Bunyan has left 
 the following account of Bunyan's character and person, under 
 the title, "A Brief Character of Mr. John Bunyan." 
 
 " He appeared in countenance to be of a stern and rough 
 temper, but in his conversation mild and affable; not given 
 to loquacity or much discourse in company, unless some urgent 
 
viii INTRODUCTION 
 
 occasion required it ; observing never to boast of himself or 
 his parts, but rather seem low in his own eyes, and submit 
 himself to the judgment of others ; abhorring lying and swear- 
 ing, being just in all that lay in his power to his word, not 
 seeming to revenge injuries, loving to reconcile differences 
 and make friendship with all ; he had a sharp quick eye, ac- 
 complished with an excellent discerning of persons, being of 
 good judgment and quick wit. As for his person, he was 
 tall of stature, strong boned, though not corpulent, somewhat 
 of a ruddy face, with sparkling eyes, wearing his hair on his 
 upper lip, after the old British fashion ; his hair reddish, but in 
 his latter days time had sprinkled it with grey; his nose well set, 
 but not declining or bending, and his mouth moderate large, his 
 forehead something high and his habit always plain and modest. 
 And thus we have impartially described the internal and external 
 parts of a person whose death hath been much regretted — a 
 person who had tried the smiles and frowns of time, not puffed 
 up in prosperity nor shaken in adversity, always holding the 
 golden mean. 
 
 In him at once did three great worthies shine — 
 Historian, poet, and a choice divine : 
 Then let him rest in undisturbed dust, 
 Until the resurrection of the just." 
 
 Sincerity. When we read Gi'ace Abounding to the Chief of 
 Sinners, the estimate of his contemporaries is confirmed and 
 supplemented. We are chiefly impressed by Bunyan's sincerity 
 and earnestness, — by the fact that he said what he really 
 'thought, and that he was so intensely serious about it all. 
 The book is exactly what he himself called it, "a relation of 
 the work of God upon my soul, even from the very first till 
 now, wherein you may perceive my castings down and risings 
 up " ; and again he says : " I could also have stepped into a style 
 much higher than this, in which I have here discoursed, and 
 could have adorned all things more than here I have seemed 
 
INTRODUCTION ix 
 
 to do, but I dare not. God did not play in tempting of me ; 
 neither did I play, when I sunk as into the bottomless pit — 
 wherefore I may not play in relating of them, but be plain and 
 simple and lay down the thing as it was." The thing that Bunyan 
 lays down — his experience of sin, sorrow, repentence, and a 
 miraculous pardon — was not unique in the experience of the 
 Puritan of the seventeenth century. Only Bunyan's presenta- 
 tion of that experience was in any way unique. It was so 
 because his equipment for such a presentation was so perfect. 
 Two qualities, plainly evident in Grace Aboitnding to the Chief 
 of Sinners, fitted Bunyan to embody, in what is perhaps the 
 most intensely vivid spiritual record ever written, the inward 
 experience of many a humble Christian of his time. These 
 qualities are a vivid imagination and a marvelous gift of expres- 
 sion. To the former is due his power to see visions and to 
 dream dreams ; to the latter is due his. power to reproduce those 
 mind pictures in the form of concrete images. 
 
 Resemblance to Luther. Though Bunyan was a dreamer, he 
 was not a mystic. He never lost his connection with the world 
 of fact. In this union of interest in the things of the spirit 
 with a shrewd common sense Bunyan reminds us of Luther. 
 Indeed they were kindred spirits. It is not without significance 
 that Bunyan, when he read Luther's commentary on the Gala- 
 tians, " found," he says, " my condition in his experience, so 
 largely and profoundly handled, as if his book had been written 
 out of my heart," and that he preferred that book to any he 
 had ever read> except, of course, the Bible. 
 
 Simplicity. Like Luther, Bunyan remained to the last a simple 
 man. No hint of arrogance appeared in anything that he wrote. 
 Never once does he speak with pride of his eloquence, or of the 
 influence which, after his liberation from prison, he came to 
 exert. His humility was the result of his sensitive conscience 
 and of the fact that he lived always, after his conversion, in the 
 light of eternity. 
 
x INTRODUCTION 
 
 Tolerance. Like Luther, again,' Bunyan was free from bigotry. 
 He never, but in one instance, entered into religious controversy. 
 And his controversy with the Quakers was due, not to his intol- 
 erance, but to his belief that their emphasis upon the value of 
 the " inward light " threatened danger to the supremacy of the 
 Bible as a rule of faith and practice. He certainly did not, like 
 so many of the dissenters of that age, quarrel with others over 
 non-essentials. In an age when, as Butler says, . 
 
 . . . men fell out they knew not why ; 
 When hard words, jealousies and fears, 
 Set folks together by the ears, 
 
 it is interesting to find Bunyan writing, "I never cared to 
 meddle with things that were controverted, and in dispute 
 among the saints, especially of the lowest nature . . . ." Equally 
 refreshing in a time of such theological rancor as that in which 
 he lived, is his other statement, " I would be as I hope I am, a 
 Christian. But for those factious titles of Anabaptist, Inde- 
 pendent, Presbyterian, and the like, I conclude that they come 
 neither from Jerusalem nor from Antioch, but from Hell or 
 from Babylon." Bunyan was too sane a man to be carried off his 
 feet by the trivial disputes of warring sects. To him the single 
 absorbing interest in life was the salvation of men's souls. 
 
 Style. Bunyan's style is merely the natural expression of 
 his character. It is plain and simple, because Bunyan himself 
 was a plain man, describing for plain people a simple, though 
 profound, religious experience. What impresses us most about 
 this religious experience is its objectivity. For Bunyan, to 
 think was to see pictures. He never thought in abstract or in 
 general terms. His thinking was all in terms of the specific and 
 the concrete. As a result of such habits of thought, Bunyan 
 excels every other English writer in his ability to reveal mental 
 states. His power lies in his skill in making these mental states 
 visibly real to the reader. Take, for example, his account of how 
 
INTRODUCTION xi 
 
 he felt when he considered the difference between himself and 
 the Christians of his acquaintance. 1 
 
 " About this time, the state and happiness of these poor people 
 at Bedford was thus, in a kind of vision, presented to me. I 
 saw as if they were on the sunny side of some high mountain, 
 there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun, 
 while I was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with 
 frost, snow, and dark clouds : methought also, betwixt me and 
 them, I saw a wall that did compass about this mountain ; now 
 through this wall my soul did greatly desire to pass ; concluding, 
 that if I could, I would even go into the very midst of them, 
 and there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun." 
 
 Rhetorical Figures. This visualizing power caused Bunyan's 
 constant use of rhetorical figures. With him a figure was not 
 something added as a means of making the style picturesque, 
 it was an essential element of his thought. Speaking of his 
 " temptations," he says : " I often, when these temptations had 
 been with force upon me, did compare myself to the case of 
 such a child, whom some gypsy hath by force took up in her 
 arms, and is carrying from friend and country. Kick sometimes 
 I did, and also shriek and cry ; but yet I was bound in the 
 wings of the temptation, and the wind would carry me away." 
 Such a passage as this throws a great deal of light both upon 
 Bunyan's habits of thought and upon his habitual expression. It 
 helps to explain how he could write such a book as The Pilgrim's 
 Progress. Allegory, the expanded metaphor, is, without doubt, 
 the most artificial form of expression of which either poetry or 
 prose is capable ; yet the use of allegory was with Bunyan not 
 artifice at all. He thought in images. He could grasp truth 
 only when made simple by concrete terms. His constant use of 
 figurative expressions was, then, not a matter of choice but of 
 necessity. 
 
 1 Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, p. 22. The passage is particularly 
 interesting because it seems to contain the germ of The Pilgrim's Progress. 
 
xii INTRODUCTION 
 
 Earnestness. To Bunyan's passionate earnestness, rather than 
 to confusion of thought, must be attributed his occasional mix- 
 ing of figures. Were not the experience he is describing so 
 tragic and so real, there would be something almost ludicrous 
 in the expression in such an instance as that in which he says : 
 " Here again my torrent would flame out and afflict me ; yea it 
 would grind me, as it were to powder, to consider the preserva- 
 tion of God toward others, while I fell into the snare." Yet, 
 while a flaming, grinding torrent may be rhetorically indefen- 
 sible, it is artistically, perhaps, not wholly a blemish, for in the 
 very confusion and incoherency of the expression we get an 
 effect of earnestness, as if Bunyan were too intent upon the 
 idea he is trying to convey to care much about the form. 1 It is 
 Bunyan's earnestness which often leads him to make use of ex- 
 clamation. So frequent is his use of the exclamatory sentence 
 that, were it not for his evident earnestness, he would be open to 
 the charge of rhetorical declamation. Nothing could be further 
 from rhetorical flourishes, however, than these pious ejaculations 
 scattered through Bunyan's account of his religious experiences. 
 Sometimes they sound in their religious fervor like the responses 
 in the litany, as when, in narrating his examination before Justice 
 Keating, he interjects such expressions as "The Lord forgive 
 them !" and a few lines farther on, after quoting a particularly 
 insulting remark of the Justice, " The Lord open his eyes ! " 
 
 Oral Quality. Probably this inattention to form partly ac- 
 counts for the oral quality of Bunyan's style. Nowhere, so much 
 as in Bunyan's writing, do we get the effect of the spoken word. 
 This oral quality is that of hurried and energetic speech. The 
 book gains immensely in its appeal when read aloud, and it is 
 impossible to read some of the passages aloud without reading 
 
 1 The student may in this connection recall how effectively Shakespeare has 
 consciously employed a similar mixture of figures to produce artistically the 
 effect of earnestness and doubtful questioning. The instance is in Hamlet's 
 famous soliloquy, where Shakespeare makes Hamlet speak of taking arms against 
 a sea of troubles. — Hamlet, III, i, 58 ff. 
 
INTRODUCTION xiii 
 
 them rapidly. The effect of breathless haste, as well as that of 
 energetic speech, is apparent even in the Preface, for example, 
 in the passage beginning: "Remember, I say, the word that first 
 laid hold upon you : remember your terrors of conscience, and 
 fear of death and hell ; remember also your tears and prayers 
 to God ; yea, how you sighed under every hedge for mercy. 
 Have you never an hill Mizar to remember ? Have you forgot 
 the close, the milk-house, the stable, the barn, and the like, where 
 God did visit your souls? Remember also the word — the word, 
 I say upon which the Lord hath caused you to -hope. If you 
 have sinned against light ; if you are tempted to blaspheme ; 
 if you are down in despair ; if you think God fights against 
 you ; or if heaven is hid from your eyes, remember it was thus 
 with your father ; but 'out of them all the Lord delivered me.'" 
 Emphasis. One notices in reading this passage the repeti- 
 tions which are a pretty constant feature of Bunyan's style and 
 which contribute not a little to the colloquial effect of it. They 
 appear not only, as here, in the form of repeated structure, but 
 more often in the form of words or phrases repeated for the 
 sake of emphasis. Note the effect of insistent emphasis in the 
 following sentence : " But oh ! 't was hard for me now to have 
 the face to pray to this Christ for mercy, against whom I had 
 thus vilely sinned : 't was hard work, I say, to offer to look him in 
 the face, against whom I had so vilely sinned . . . ." Emphatic, 
 too, are the rhetorical questions which usually occur in groups 
 like those on page 53. These groups of rhetorical questions are, 
 of course, oratorical in their effect. Indeed, they often sound like 
 echoes of some impassioned address, as perhaps they are. Pos- 
 sibly of the same origin, and certainly of similar effect, is the fre- 
 quent oratorical cadence coming usually at the end of a paragraph. 
 Such a case is found on page 88. " But now a word, a word to 
 lean a weary soul upon that it might not sink forever, it was that 
 I hunted for." These mannerisms make it seem as if Bunyan 
 must have composed his sentences while thinking aloud. 
 
xiv INTRODUCTION 
 
 Colloquial Element. This oral quality in Bunyan's style is not 
 wholly unique in the literature of the seventeenth century. Jeremy 
 Taylor's Holy Living and Holy Dying possess it to the same, 
 or perhaps to an even greater, degree. Bunyan's style, however, 
 is not only oral, but, to an extent that would have horrified Bishop 
 Taylor, colloquial as well. He is said to have used words of 
 Anglo-Saxon origin more habitually than any writer since Chau- 
 cer. Though occasionally he employs a word of Latin derivation 
 as a result of his constant reading of Foxe's Book of Martyrs, 
 he usually couples it with some homely English word so that 
 the most unlettered reader is not driven to the dictionary. Thus 
 on page 99, he writes : "To that, therefore, I did stick and 
 adhere." Generally, however, his diction is wholly colloquial, as 
 when speaking of men's good opinion of him he naively adds, 
 " it pleased me mighty well." Colloquial speech of the seven- 
 teenth century retained from Anglo-Saxon poetry a large alliter- 
 ative element. 1 It is not surprising, therefore, to find in Bunyan's 
 style a great deal of alliteration. When we read on page 12, 
 " Thus man, while blind, doth wander, but wearieth himself 
 with vanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God," 
 we see both how colloquial and how alliterative Bunyan's style 
 sometimes became in its resemblance to the style of common 
 speech. 
 
 Influence of the Bible. While Bunyan's style is the style of 
 common speech, it is not uninfluenced by literary models. To an 
 extent that we now find hard to realize, the everyday language 
 of the Puritan of the seventeenth century was the language of 
 the Bible. The Bible formed practically the whole literature that 
 was accessible to ordinary Englishmen. Consequently, the mass 
 of picturesque allusion and illustration that we consciously or 
 
 1 Note how everyday speech still retains something of this alliterative ele- 
 ment, especially in popular proverbs such as " a bird in the hand is worth two in 
 the bush" ; " penny wise and pound foolish" ; " hedges have eyes and little pitchers 
 have ears." All three of these, by the way, have come down to us through 
 Bunyan's writings. 
 
INTRODUCTION XV 
 
 unconsciously borrow from Milton, or Wordsworth, or Tennyson, 
 they were forced to borrow from the Bible. As a result, the 
 English people became the people of a book, and that book 
 the Bible. It exerted, naturally, a remarkable influence upon 
 the diction and structure of ordinary speech. We are told that 
 when Cromwell saw the mists break over the hills just before 
 the battle of Dunbar, he hailed the sight with the cry of the 
 Hebrew poet, " Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered. 
 Like as the sun riseth, so shalt thou drive them away." The 
 wide range of Hebrew literature, and particularly its richness in 
 emotional appeal, fitted it to become the medium of expression 
 for every kind of elemental emotion of which the human heart 
 is capable. It is no wonder, then, that the ideals of the Hebrew 
 prophet became the ideals of the Puritan ; that he, too, dreamed 
 of a theocracy, — a kingdom of God on earth. Nor is it surpris- 
 ing that the very phrases of the Hebrew poets should have found 
 a place in the everyday speech of the Puritan. Now Bunyan 
 was a Puritan of the Puritans. One cannot read ten pages of 
 his autobiography without realizing that Grace Abounding to the 
 Chief of Sinners is a product of Puritanism. Indeed, the Puritan 
 spirit nowhere else, not even in the Puritan epic Paradise Lost, 
 finds such complete expression. Hence it is because Grace 
 Abounding to the Chief of Sinners is a product of the age, that 
 Bunyan's style could be so intensely colloquial and at the same 
 time so intensely biblical in its coloring. It was so because to 
 the Puritan the words of Hebrew prophet, priest, and sage 
 were the language of daily life. 
 
 Bunyan knew the Bible as few have known it. " The Bible," 
 he says, "was precious to me," and " I was never out of the 
 Bible, either by reading or meditation." He lived in the Bible 
 till its words became his own. So completely did it become a 
 part of his life, that one feels its phrases to be the natural and 
 spontaneous expression of his thought. Not only does he con- 
 tinually quote it, — and this from memory, for the quotations 
 
xvi INTRODUCTION 
 
 are often slightly inaccurate, — but he continually adapts its ex- 
 pressions to his use. Such adaptations of figurative Oriental 
 phrasing often gives his style a quaint, exotic look, as when, 
 instead of saying that God gave him a short respite from temp- 
 tation, he tells us " God gave me leave to swallow down my 
 spittle." Though this sentence has been cited by at least one 
 commentator upon Bunyan as an instance of his homely, racy 
 English, it is really borrowed from the words of Job. 1 The 
 phrase is thoroughly Oriental, and is still in use among the 
 Arabs ; yet here Bunyan uses it so naturally as to make it 
 sound entirely English. 
 
 In the history of the development of English prose style 
 Bunyan holds an important place. He represents a tendency 
 directly opposed to that exemplified in the work of such men as 
 Browne and Taylor, whose prose followed the classical tradition. 
 Bunyan, by writing as men talked, established a precedent which 
 Defoe in the next century was to follow, and which, through 
 him, has had a strong influence in shaping modern English 
 prose style. 
 
 1 Job 7. 19. 
 
BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 Brown, John, John Bunyan: his Life, Times, and Work. Third 
 
 edition. Boston, 1888. 
 Froude, J. A., Bunyan, in English Men of Letters Series. London, 
 
 1880. 
 Macaulay, T. B., John Bunyan, in Encyclopaedia Britannica. 
 Southey, R., Cromwell and Bunyan. London, 1861. 
 Taine, H. A., History of English Literature. New York, 1874. 
 Venables, E., Life of John Bunyan, in Great Writers Series. 
 
 London, 1861. John Bunyan, in Dictionary of National Biography. 
 
 The Pilgrim's Progress, Grace Abounding, and A Relation of His 
 
 Imprisonment. Second edition. Oxford, 1900. 
 Woodberry, G. E., Studies in Letters and Life. Boston, 1891. 
 
 A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF BUNYAN'S WORKS, 
 PUBLISHED DURING HIS LIFETIME 
 
 1656. Some Gospel Truths opened. 
 
 1656. A Vindication of " Some Gospel Truths opened." 
 
 1658. A Few Sighs from Hell, or the Groans of a Damned Soul. 
 
 1659. The Doctrine of the Law and Grace unfolded. 
 
 No date. Profitable Meditations fitted to Man's different Conditions. 
 
 1663. I will pray with the Spirit and with the Understanding also. 
 
 1663. Christian Behaviour; being the Fruits of True Christianity. 
 
 Un d a n te Wn ^he Four Last Things; Ebal and Gerizim; Prison Meditations. 
 
 1665. The Holy City. 
 
 1665. The Resurrection of the Dead and Eternal Judgment. 
 
 1 666. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners. 
 
 1672. Defence of the Doctrine of Justification by Faith. 
 1672. Confession of Faith. 
 
xviii BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 1673. Difference of Judgment about Water Baptism no Bar to 
 
 Communion. 
 
 1674. Peaceable Principles and True. 
 
 No date. Reprobation asserted, or Doctrine of Eternal Election pro- 
 miscuously handled. 
 
 1675. Light for them that sit in Darkness. 
 
 1675. Instruction for the Ignorant, or a Salve to heal that great 
 want of knowledge which so much reigns in Old and 
 Young. 
 
 No date. A Catechism for Children. 
 
 1675. Saved by Grace. 
 
 1676. The Strait Gate, or the great Difficulty of going to Heaven. 
 1678. The Pilgrim's Progress. 
 
 1678. Come and welcome to Jesus Christ. 
 
 1679. A Treatise of the Fear of God. 
 
 1680. The Life and Death of Mr. Badman. 
 1682. The Holy War. 
 
 1682. The Barren Fig Tree, or the Doom and Downfall of the 
 
 Fruitless Professors. 
 
 1683. The Greatness of the Soul. 
 
 1683. A Case of Conscience resolved. 
 
 1684. Seasonable Counsel or Advice to Sufferers. 
 1684. A Holy Life the Beauty of Christianity. 
 1864. A Caution to stir up to Watch against Sin. 
 
 1684. The Pilgrim's Progress — Second Part. 
 
 1685. Questions about the Nature and Perpetuity of the Seventh- 
 
 day Sabbath. 
 
 1685. The Pharisee and the Publican. 
 
 1 686. A Book for Boys and Girls, or Country Rhymes for Children. 
 1688. The Jerusalem Sinner saved, or Good News for the Vilest 
 
 of Men. 
 
 1688. The Work of Jesus Christ as an Advocate. 
 
 1688. Discourse of the Building, Nature, Excellency, and Govern- 
 ment of the House of God. 
 
 1688. The Water of Life. 
 
 1688. Solomon's Temple spiritualized, or Gospel-light fetcht out of 
 the Temple at Jerusalem. 
 
BIBLIOGRAPHY XIX 
 
 SUGGESTIVE QUESTIONS FOR THE STUDY OF 
 " GRACE ABOUNDING" 
 
 1. Bunyan, like his father, was by trade a " tinker." What impres- 
 sions of the social rank of the " tinker " in the seventeenth century 
 do you get from the following references to the plays of Shakespeare ? 
 Winter's Tale, IV, iii, 19 and 103; / Henry IV, II, iv, 20; 
 2 Henry VI, III, ii, 277. 
 
 2. Discuss the statement, " No man ever owed more to his limi- 
 tations than Bunyan." 
 
 3. Does he seem to have been chiefly a man of action or a man 
 of thought ? 
 
 4. In his mental life does he seem to have been under the control 
 of his feelings or of his will ? Give reasons for your answer. 
 
 5. What proof of Bunyan's tolerance and dislike of controversy 
 do you find in this book ? 
 
 6. Was Bunyan's dislike for the Quakers unwarranted? 
 
 7. What was his attitude toward the " Ranters," and who 
 were they? 
 
 8. What books besides the Bible had Bunyan read ? 
 
 9. What passages seem to you best to illustrate Bunyan's shrewd- 
 ness and good sense ? his humility ? 
 
 10. What instances do you find of Bunyan's satiric humor? 
 
 11. Do you think that Bunyan was a staunch loyalist or not? 
 What light is thrown on this question by p. 135, 11. 25-28? 
 
 12. Illustrate Bunyan's colloquial manner by p. 37, 1. 28 ff. Com- 
 pare his use of " such " with that in the modern colloquial phrase, 
 " such a one." 
 
 13. Do you find other instances of such a colloquialism as that on 
 p. 109, 1. 7? 
 
 14. In what sense is "should" used on p. 57, 1. 30? Compare 
 * the German sollen. 
 
 15. Explain the colloquial form " a-coming," p. no, 1. 7. 
 
xx BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 16. In what sense is "must" used on p. 91, 1. 4, and p. 92, 1. 10? 
 Compare Milton's Lya'das, 1. 38. 
 
 17. In what sense is " sot " used on p. 21, 1. 14? Compare Shake- 
 speare's Cym&e/ine,V, v, 177. From what language do we get the 
 word ? 
 
 18. Point out cases of alliteration. 
 
 19. Illustrate from the text his use of exclamation, and of repeti- 
 tion for emphasis. 
 
 20. What passages seem best to exemplify Bunyan's use of con- 
 crete imagery to reveal different states of mind ? 
 
 21. Illustrate the effect upon Bunyan's style of his reading of the 
 Bible. See p. 4, 1. 2, and compare Judges xiv. 12-14. What other 
 examples of this influence can you find ? 
 
 22. What is the prevailing form of the sentences — periodic, loose, 
 balanced ? 
 
 23. How does the average length of the sentences compare with 
 that of modern journalistic writing ? 
 
 24. The book may conveniently be divided into four sections, as 
 follows: Section I, §§ 1-36; Section II, §§ 37-252; Section III, 
 §§253-317; Section IV, §§ 318-339. Select appropriate headings 
 for these sections. 
 
 25. What should you say, judging from this book, was the Puritan 
 attitude toward life present and to come ? 
 
 26. What reason is there for calling the book an " epic of the 
 inner life"? 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 TO THE 
 
 CHIEF OF SINNERS: 
 
 OR, 
 
 A BRIEF AND FAITHFUL RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING 
 MERCY OF GOD IN CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT, 
 
 JOHN BUNYAN; 
 
 WHEREIN IS PARTICULARLY SHOWED THE MANNER OF HIS CONVERSION, 
 
 HIS SIGHT AND TROUBLE FOR SIN, HIS DREADFUL TEMPTATIONS, 
 
 ALSO HOW HE DESPAIRED OF GOD'S MERCY, AND HOW THE 
 
 LORD AT LENGTH THROUGH CHRIST DID DELIVER 
 
 HIM FROM ALL THE GUILT AND TERROR THAT 
 
 LAY UPON HIM. 
 
 Whereunto is added a brief relation of his call to the work of the ministry, 
 
 of his temptations therein, as also what he hath met with in prison. 
 
 All which was written by his own hand there, and now 
 
 published for the support of the weak and 
 
 tempted people of God. 
 
 Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he 
 hath done for my soul.'' — Psal. lxvi. 16. 
 
 London : Printed by George Larkin, 1666. 
 [A reproduction of. the title-page of first edition] 
 
A PREFACE, 
 
 OR 
 BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE PUBLISHING THIS WORK, 
 
 Written by the Author thereof, and dedicated to those whom God hath counted 
 him worthy to beget to Faith, by his Ministry in the Word 
 
 Children, grace be ivith you, Amen. I being take?i from you 
 in presence, and so tied up that I ca?inot perform that duty that 
 from God doth lie upo?i me to you-tvard, for your further edifying 
 and building up in faith a?id holiness, &*c, yet that you may see 
 my soul hath fatherly care and desire after your spiritual and 5 
 everlasting welfare, I now once again, as before from the top of 
 Shenir and Hermon, so now from the lions' dens, and from the 
 Mountains of the Leopards, 1 do look yet after you all, greatly 
 longing to see your safe arrival into THE desired haven. 
 
 I thank God upon every Remembrance of you ; and rejoice, even 10 
 while I stick between the Teeth of the Lions in the Wilderness, 
 at the Grace, and Mercy, and Knowledge of Christ our Saviour, 
 which God hath bestowed upo?i you, with abundance of faith 
 a?id love. Your Hungerings and Thirstings also after further 
 Acquaintance with the Father, in his Son; your Tenderness of 15 
 Heart, your Trembling at Sin, your sober and holy Deportme?it 
 also before both God and Men, is great Refreshment to me; For 
 you are my glory and joy. 2 
 
 I have sent you here enclosed a drop of that Honey, that I have 
 taken out of the Carcase of a Lion? L have eaten thereof myself 20 
 also, and am much refreshed thereby. Temptations, when we 
 meet them at first, are as the Lion that roared upo?i Samson ; but 
 
 1 Cant. 4. 8. 2 ! Th. 2. 20. 3 j u dg. 14. 5-9. 
 
 3 
 
4 AUTHOR'S PREFACE 
 
 if we overcome them, the next time we see them, we shall fi?id a 
 Nest of Honey within them. The Philistines understand me not. 
 It is something a Relation of the Work of God upon my own 
 Soul, even from the very first, till now ; wherein you may per- 
 5 ceive my Castings down, and Risings up ; for he woundeth, and 
 his Hands make whole. It is written in the Scripture, The 
 father to the Children shall make known the Truth of God. 1 
 Yea, it was for this Reason I lay so lo?ig at Sinai, to see the Fire, 
 and the Cloud, and the Darkness? that I might fear the Lord 
 
 io all the days of my Life upon Earth, and tell of his wondrous 
 Works to my Children. 3 
 
 Moses writ* of the fourneyings of the Children of Israel, from 
 Egypt to the land of Ca?iaan ; and commanded also, that they 
 did remember their forty Years' Travel in the wilderness. b Thou 
 
 15 shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee 
 these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to 
 prove thee, to know what was in thy heart, whether thou 
 wouldest keep his commandments, or no. Wherefore this I 
 have endeavoured to do ; and not only so, but to publish it also ; 
 
 20 that, if God will, others may be put in remembrance of what he 
 hath done for their Souls, by reading his Work upo?i me. 
 
 It is profitable for Christians to be often calling to mind the 
 very Beginnings of Grace with their Souls. It is a night to 
 be much observed unto the Lord for bringing them out from 
 
 25 the land of Egypt : this is that night of the Lord to be 
 observed of all the children of Israel in their generations. 6 
 My God, saith David, my soul is cast down within me ; 
 therefore will I remember thee from the land of fordan, and 
 of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar? He reme?7ibered also the 
 
 30 Lion and the Bear, when he went to fight with the Giant of Gath. 8 
 
 // was Paul's accustomed maiuier, and that when tried for 
 
 his life, even to open, before his fudges, the manner of his 
 
 1 Is. 38. 19. 3 p s . 78. 3-5. 5 Deut. 8. 2. 5" Ps. 42. 6. 
 
 2 Deut. 4. 10, 11. 4 Numb. 33. 1, 2. 6 Ex. 12. 42. 8 x Sam. 17. 36, 37. 
 
AUTHOR'S PREFACE 5 
 
 Conversion : he would think of that Day, a?id that Hour, in the 
 which he first did meet ivith Grace ; for he found it supported 
 him} When God had brought the children of Israel out of the 
 Red Sea, far into the Wilderness, yet they must turn quite about 
 thither again, to remember the drowning of their Enemies there} 5 
 For though they sang his Praise before, yet they soon forgat his 
 
 Works} 
 
 In this Discourse of mine you may see much; much, I say, of 
 the Grace of God towards me. I tha7ik God I can count it much, 
 for it was above my Sins and Satan's temptations too. I can 10 
 remember my Fears, and Doubts, and sad Months with Comfort ; 
 they are as the head of Goliah in my Hand. There was nothing 
 to David like Goliah 's Sword, even that Sword that should have 
 bee?i sheathed in his Bowels ; for the very sight and remembrance 
 of that did preach forth God's Deliverance to him. Oh, the 15 
 Remembrance of my great Sins, of my great Temptations, and of 
 my great Fears of perishing for ever ! They bring afresh into my 
 mind the Remembrance of my great Help, my great Support from 
 Heaven, and the great grace that God extended to such a wretch 
 as I. 20 
 
 My dear children, call to mind the former days, and Years 
 of ancient Times : remember also your Songs in the Night ; a?id 
 commune with your own Hearts} Yea, look diligently, and leave 
 jio Corner therein unsearched, for there is Treasure hid, even the 
 Treasure of your first and second Experience of the Grace of God 25 
 toward you. Remember^ I say, the word that first laid hold 
 upon, you ; remember your Terrors of Conscience, and Fear of 
 Death and Hell ; remember also your Tears and Prayers to God ; 
 yea, how you sighed under every Hedge for Mercy. Have you 
 never an Hill Mizar to remember ? Have you forgot the Close, 30 
 the Milk-house, the Stable, the Barn, and the like, where God 
 did visit your Souls? Remember also the Word — the Word, I 
 say, upon which the lord hath caused you to Hope. If you have 
 1 Acts 22. Acts 24. 2 Numb. 14. 25. 3 p s . 106. 11-13. 4 Ps. 77. 5-12. 
 
6 AUTHOR'S PREFACE 
 
 sinned against Light; if you are tempted to Blaspheme; if you 
 are down in Despair; if you think God fights against you ; or 
 if Heaven is hid from your Eyes, remember it was thus with 
 your Father ; but out of them all the Lord delivered me. 
 5 I could have enlarged much in this my Discourse, of my 
 Temptations and Troubles for Sin ; as also of the merciful Kind- 
 ness a7id Working of God with my Soul. I could also have 
 stepped into a Style much higher than this in which I have here 
 Discoursed, and could have adorned all things more than here 
 
 10 I have seemed to do ; but I dare not. God did not play in con- 
 vi7icing of me ; the Devil did not play in tempting of me ; neither 
 did I play when I simk as into a bottomless pit, when the pangs 
 of hell caught hold upon me : wherefore I may not play in my 
 relating of them, but be plain and si??iple, and lay down the thing 
 
 15 as it was. He that liketh it, let him receive it; and he that does 
 not, let him p7'oduce a better. Farewell. 
 
 My dear children, the Milk and Honey is beyond this Wilder- 
 ness. God be merciful to you, and grant you be not slothful to 
 go in to possess the land. 
 
 JO. BUNYAN 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 TO THE 
 
 CHIEF OF SINNERS: 
 
 A BRIEF RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING MERCY OF GOD IN 
 CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT, JOHN BUNYAN 
 
 i . In this my Relation of the merciful Working of God upon 
 my Soul, it will not be amiss, if, in the first place, I do, in a few- 
 Words, give you a Hint of my Pedigree, and manner of bring- 
 ing up ; that thereby the Goodness and Bounty of God towards 
 me maybe the more advanced and magnified before the Sons 5 
 of Men. 
 
 2. For my Descent, then, it was, as is well known by many, 
 of a low and inconsiderable Generation ; my Father's House 
 being of that Rank that is meanest and most despised of all 
 the Families in the Land. Wherefore I have not here, as others, 10 
 to boast of noble Blood or of a high-born State according to the 
 Flesh; though, all things considered, I magnify the heavenly 
 Majesty, for that by this door he brought me into this world, to 
 partake of the Grace and Life that is in Christ by the Gospel. 
 
 3. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderable- 15 
 ness of my Parents, it pleased God to put it into their Hearts 
 
 to put me to School, to learn both to read and write ; the which 
 I also attained, according to the Rate of other poor Men's Chil- 
 dren ; though to my shame I confess I did soon lose that little 
 I learnt, even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did 20 
 work his gracious Work of Conversion upon my Soul. 
 
 4. As for my own natural life, for the time that I was with- 
 out God in the world, it was indeed according to the Course of 
 
 7 
 
8 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 this World, and the Spirit that now worketh in the Children of 
 disobedience} It was my delight to be taken captive by the 
 Devil at his will? being filled with all Unrighteousness : the 
 which did also so strongly work and put forth itself, both in 
 5 my Heart and Life, and that from a Child, that I had but few 
 Equals (especially considering my years, which were tender, 
 being few,) both for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming 
 the holy Name of God. 
 
 5. Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these things, that 
 10 they became as a second Nature to me. The which, as I also 
 
 have with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, 
 that even in my Childhood he did scare and affright me with 
 fearful Dreams, and did terrify me with dreadful Visions. For 
 often after I had spent this and the other day in sin I have in 
 15 my Bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehen- 
 sions of Devils and wicked Spirits, who still, as I then thought, 
 laboured to draw me away with them, of which I could never 
 be rid. 
 
 6. Also I should, at these years, be greatly afflicted and 
 20 troubled with the thoughts of the Day of Judgment, and that 
 
 both night and day, and should tremble at the thoughts of the 
 
 fearful Torments of Hell fire ; still fearing that it would be my 
 
 . Lot to be found at last among those Devils and hellish Fiends, 
 
 who are there bound down with the Chains and Bonds of Dark- 
 
 2 5 ness, unto the judgment of the great day. 
 
 7. These things, I say, when I was but a Child, but nine or ten 
 years old, did so distress my Soul, that then in the midst of my 
 many Sports and Childish Vanities, amidst my vain Companions, 
 I was often much cast down and afflicted in my Mind therewith, 
 
 30 yet could I not let go my Sins. Yea, I was also then so over- 
 come with despair of life and heaven, that I should often wish 
 either that there had been no Hell, or that I had been a Devil 
 — supposing they were only Tormentors ; that if it must needs 
 
 1 Eph. 2. 2,3. 2 2 Tim. 2. 26. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 9 
 
 be that I went thither, I might be rather a Tormentor, than be 
 tormented myself. 
 
 8. A while after these terrible dreams did leave me, which 
 also I soon forgot; for my pleasures did quickly cut off the 
 remembrance of them, as if they had never been. Wherefore, 5 
 with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I did 
 still let loose the Reins to my lust, and delighted in all Trans- 
 gression against the Law of God : so that, until I came to the 
 State of Marriage, I was the very Ringleader of all the Youth 
 that kept me company, in all manner of vice and ungodliness. 10 
 
 9. Yea, such prevalency had the Lusts and Fruits of the 
 Flesh in this poor Soul of mine, that, had not a Miracle of 
 precious Grace prevented, I had not only perished by the 
 Stroke of eternal Justice, but had also laid myself open even 
 
 to the Stroke of those Laws, which bring some to Disgrace 15 
 and open Shame before the Face of the World. 
 
 10. In these days, the thoughts of Religion were very griev- 
 ous to me. I could neither endure it myself, nor that any other 
 should. So that when I have seen some read in those Books 
 that concerned Christian Piety it would be as it were a prison 20 
 to me. Then I said unto God, Depart from me, for I desire not 
 the knowledge of thy ways} I was now void of all good Consid- 
 eration ; Heaven and Hell were both out of sight and mind ; 
 and as for Saving and Damning, they were least in my thoughts. 
 
 O Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways were not hid from thee. 25 
 
 1 1 . Yet this I well remember, that though I could myself sin 
 with the greatest Delight and Ease, and also take pleasure in 
 the Vileness of my Companions ; yet, even then, if I have at 
 any time seen wicked things by those who professed goodness, 
 
 it would make my Spirit tremble. As once, above all the rest, 3° 
 when I was in my heighth of Vanity, yet hearing one to sweai 
 that was reckoned for a religious Man, it had so great a stroke 
 upon my Spirit, that it made my heart to ake. 
 
 1 Job 21. 14. 
 
IO GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 12. But God did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, 
 not now with Convictions, but Judgments ; yet such as were 
 mixed with Mercy. For once I fell into a Creek of the Sea, 
 and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat 
 
 5 into Bedford river, but Mercy yet preserved me alive. Besides, 
 another time, being in the Field with one of my Companions, it 
 chanced that an Adder passed over the Highway ; so I, hav- 
 ing a stick in my Hand, struck her over the Back, and having 
 stunned her, I forced open her Mouth with my Stick, and 
 io plucked her Sting out with my Fingers ; by which act, had not 
 God been merciful unto me, I might, by my desperateness, 
 have brought myself to mine End. 
 
 13. This also have I taken notice of with thanksgiving. When I 
 was a Soldier, I, with others, were drawn out to go to such a place 
 
 15 to besiege it ; but when I was just ready to go, one of the Com- 
 pany desired to go in my Room ; to which when I had consented, 
 he took my Place ; and coming to the Siege, as he stood Sentinel, 
 he was shot into the head with a Musket bullet, and died. 
 
 14. Here, as I said, were Judgments and Mercy, but neither 
 20 of them did awaken my Soul to Righteousness ; wherefore I 
 
 sinned still, and grew more and more Rebellious against God, 
 and careless of mine own Salvation. 
 
 15. Presently after this, I changed my Condition into a mar- 
 ried State, and my Mercy was to light upon a Wife whose Father 
 
 25 was counted godly. This Woman and I, though we came to- 
 gether as poor as poor might be (not having so much household 
 stuff as a Dish or Spoon betwixt us both,) yet this she had for 
 her part, The Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven, and The Practice 
 of Piety, which her Father had left her when he died. In these 
 
 30 two Books I should sometimes read with her, wherein I also 
 found some things that were somewhat pleasing to me ; (but all 
 this while I met with no Conviction.) She also would be often 
 telling of me, what a godly Man her Father was, and how he 
 would reprove and correct Vice, both in his House, and amongst 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS II 
 
 his Neighbours ; what a strict and holy life he lived in his Days 
 both in Word and Deed. 
 
 1 6. Wherefore these Books with this relation, though they 
 did not reach my Heart to awaken it about my sad and sinful 
 State, yet they did beget within me some desires to Religion : 5 
 so that, because I knew no better, I fell in very eagerly with 
 the Religion of the times ; to wit, to go to Church twice a day, 
 and that too with the foremost ; and there should very devoutly 
 both say and sing as others did, yet retaining my wicked Life. 
 But withal, I was so overrun with the spirit of superstition, that 10 
 I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things (both the 
 High place, Priest, Clerk, Vestment, Service, and what else) 
 belonging to the Church ; counting all things holy that were 
 therein contained, and especially the Priest and Clerk most 
 happy, and without doubt, greatly blessed, because they were 15 
 the Servants, as I then thought, of God, and were Principal in 
 the holy Temple, to do his Work therein. 
 
 17. This Conceit grew so strong in little time upon my 
 Spirit, that had I but seen a priest (though never so sordid and 
 debauched in his Life) I should find my Spirit fall under him, 20 
 reverence him and knit unto him. Yea, I thought for the Love 
 
 I did bear unto them (supposing they were the Ministers of 
 God,) I could have lain down at their feet, and have been 
 trampled upon by them ; their Name, their Garb, and Work, 
 did so intoxicate and bewitch me. 25 
 
 18. After I had been thus for some considerable time, another 
 Thought came into my mind ; and that was, whether we were 
 of the Israelites, or no ? For finding in the Scriptures that 
 they were once the peculiar People of God, thought I, if I were 
 once of this Race, my Soul must needs be happy. Now again, 30 
 I found within me a great longing to be resolved about this 
 Question, but could not tell how I should. At last I asked my 
 Father of it ; who told me — No, we were not. Wherefore then 
 
 I fell in my Spirit as to the hopes of that and so remained. 
 
12 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 19. But all this while, I was not sensible of the danger and 
 evil of sin. I was kept from considering that sin would damn 
 me, what Religion soever I followed, unless I was found in 
 Christ. Nay, I never thought of him, nor whether there was 
 
 5 one, or no. Thus man, while Wind, doth wander, but wearieth 
 himself with vanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God} 
 
 20. But one day, amongst all the Sermons our Parson made, 
 his Subject was, to treat of the Sabbath-day, and of the Evil of 
 breaking that, either with Labour, Sports, or otherwise. Now I 
 
 10 was, notwithstanding my Religion, one that took much delight 
 in all manner of Vice, and especially that was the day that I did 
 solace myself therewith. Wherefore I fell in my Conscience 
 under his Sermon, thinking and believing that he made that 
 Sermon on purpose to show me my evil doing. And at that 
 
 15 time I felt what guilt was, though never before, that I can 
 remember. But then I was, for the present, greatly loaden 
 therewith, and so went home when the Sermon was ended, with 
 a great burden upon my Spirit. 
 
 21. This, for that instant, did benumb the Sinews of my 
 20 best Delights, and did imbitter my former Pleasures to me. 
 
 But behold, it lasted not, for before I had well dined, the 
 Trouble began to go off my Mind, and my Heart returned to 
 its old Course. But oh ! how glad was I, that this Trouble was 
 gone from me, and that the Fire was put out, that I might sin 
 25 again without control ! Wherefore, when I had satisfied Nature 
 with my Food, I shook the Sermon out of my Mind, and to my 
 old Custom of Sports and Gaming I returned with great Delight. 
 
 22. But the same day, as I was in the midst of a game at 
 Cat, and having struck it one blow from the Hole, just as I 
 
 30 was about to strike it the second time, a Voice did suddenly 
 
 dart from Heaven into my Soul, which said, Wilt thou leave 
 
 thy sins and go to Heaven, or have thy sins and go to Hell 2 At 
 
 this I was put to an exceeding Maze. Wherefore, leaving my 
 
 1 Eccl. 10. 15. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 3 
 
 Cat upon the ground, I looked up to Heaven, and was as if I 
 had, with the Eyes of my understanding, seen the Lord Jesus 
 looking down upon me, as being very hotly displeased with me, 
 and as if he did severely threaten me with some grievous Pun- 
 ishment for these and other my ungodly Practices. 5 
 
 23. I had no sooner thus conceived in my Mind, but sud- 
 denly this conclusion was fastened on my Spirit, (for the former 
 hint did set my sins again before my Face,) that I had been a 
 great and grievous sinner, and that it was now too late for me to 
 look after Heaven ; for Christ would not forgive me, nor pardon 10 
 my transgressions. Then I fell to musing upon this also. And 
 while I was thinking on it and fearing lest it should be so, I 
 felt my Heart sink in despair, concluding it was too late ; and 
 therefore I resolved in my Mind I would go on in sin. For, 
 thought I, if the case be thus, my State is surely miserable. 15 
 Miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow 
 them. I can but be damned, and if I must be so, I had as good 
 be damned for many sins as be damned for few. 
 
 24. Thus I stood in the midst of my Play, before all that 
 then were present ; but yet I told them nothing. But I say, I 20 
 having made this conclusion, I returned desperately to my 
 sport again ; and I well remember, that presently this kind of 
 Despair did so possess my Soul, that I was persuaded, I could 
 never attain to other Comfort than what I should get in sin ; 
 for Heaven was gone already, so that on that I must not 25 
 think. Wherefore I found within me a great desire to take my 
 fill of sin, still studying what sin was yet to be committed, that 
 
 I might taste the sweetness of it. And I made as much haste 
 as I could to fill my Belly with its Delicates, lest I should die 
 before I had my Desire ; for that I feared greatly. In these 30 
 things, / protest before God, I lie not, neither do I feign this 
 sort of Speech. These were really, strongly, and with all my 
 heart, my desires. The good Lord, whose mercy is unsea7-chable, 
 forgive me my transgressions. 
 
14 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 25. And I am very confident, that this Temptation of the 
 Devil is more usual amongst poor Creatures than many are 
 aware of, even to overrun their Spirits with a scurfy and seared 
 frame of Heart, and benumbing of Conscience ; which Frame, 
 
 5 he stilly and slily supplieth with such despair, that though not 
 much guilt attendeth Souls, yet they continually have a secret 
 conclusion within them, that there is no hopes for them ; for 
 they have loved sins, therefore after them they will go} 
 
 26. Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of 
 10 Mind, still grudging that I could not be so satisfied with it as 
 
 I would. This did continue with me about a Month, or more. 
 But one day, as I was standing at a Neighbour's Shop-window, 
 and there cursing and swearing, and playing the Madman, after 
 my wonted manner, there sat within the Woman of the House 
 
 1 5 and heard me ; who, though she was a very loose and ungodly 
 Wretch, yet protested that I swore and cursed at that most 
 fearful Rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me ; and 
 told me further, That I was the ungodliest fellow for swearing 
 that ever she heard in all her Life ; and that I, by thus doing, 
 
 20 was able to spoil all the Youth in a whole Town, if they came 
 but in my Company. 
 
 27. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to secret shame, 
 and that too, as I thought, before the God of Heaven. Where- 
 fore, while I stood there, and hanging down my Head, I wished 
 
 25 with all my Heart that I might be a little child again, that my 
 Father might learn me to speak without this wicked way of 
 swearing ; for, thought I, I am so accustomed to it, that it is 
 in vain for me to think of a reformation ; for I thought it could 
 never be. 
 
 30 28. But, how it came to pass I know not, I did from this 
 time forward so leave my swearing, that it was a great wonder 
 to myself to observe it. And whereas before I knew not how 
 to speak unless I put an Oath before, and another behind, to 
 
 1 Jer. 2. 25 ; iS. 12. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS I 5 
 
 make my words have authority ; now, I could, without it, speak 
 better and with more pleasantness, than ever I could before. 
 All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither did I leave my 
 Sports and Plays. 
 
 29. But quickly after this, I fell in company with one poor 5 
 man that made profession of Religion ; who, as I then thought, 
 did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures, and of the matters of Reli- 
 gion. Wherefore, falling into some love and liking to what he 
 said, I betook me to my Bible, and began to take great pleas- 
 ure in reading ; but especially with the historical part thereof. 10 
 For, as for Raul's epistles, and suchlike Scriptures, I could not 
 away with them, being as yet but ignorant, either of the Cor- 
 ruptions of my Nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus 
 Christ to save me. 
 
 30. Wherefore I fell to some outward Rejormation, both in 15 
 my words and life, and did set the Commandments before mejor 
 my way to Heaven ; which Commandments I also did strive to 
 keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes^ 
 and then I should have comjort ; yet now and then should 
 break one, and so afflict my Conscie?ice ; but then I should 20 
 repent, and say I was sorry for it, and promise God to do 
 better next time, and there get help again, for then I thought 
 
 I pleased God as well as any man in E?igland. 
 
 31. Thus I continued about a year; all which time our 
 Neighbours did take me to be a very godly Man, a new and 25 
 religious man, and did marvel much to see such a great and 
 famous alteration in my Life and Manners. And, indeed, so it 
 was, though yet I knew not Christ, nor Grace, nor Faith, nor 
 Hope. And, truly, as I have well seen since, had I then died, 
 my state had been most fearful. Well, this, I say, continued 30 
 about a twelvemonth or more. 
 
 32. But, I say, my Neighbours were amazed at this my 
 great Conversion from prodigious Profaneness to something 
 like a moral Life. And, truly, so they well might ; for this my 
 
16 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 Conversion was as great, as for Tom of Bethlem to become a 
 sober Man. Now, therefore, they began to praise, to commend, 
 and to speak well of me, both to my face, and behind my back. 
 Now, I was, as they said, become godly ; now, I was become a 
 5 right honest man. But, oh ! when I understood that these were 
 their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For 
 though, as yet, I was nothing but a poor painted Hypocrite, 
 yet I loved to be talked of as one that was truly godly. I was 
 proud of my Godliness, and, indeed, I did all I did, either to be 
 10 seen of, or to be well spoken of, by Man. And thus I contin- 
 ued for about a Twelve Month or more. 
 
 33. Now, you must know, that before this I had taken much 
 delight in Ringing, but my Co?iscience beginning to be tender, 
 I thought such practice was but vain, and therefore forced my- 
 
 15 self to leave it, yet my mind hankered. Wherefore I should go 
 to the Steeple house^ and look on it, though I durst not ring. 
 But I thought this did not become Religion neither, yet I forced 
 myself, and would look on still. But quickly after, I began to 
 think, How, if one of the Bells should fall ? Then I chose to 
 
 20 stand under a main Beam, that lay overthwart the Steeple, 
 from side to side, thinking there I might stand sure. But then 
 I should think again, Should the Bell fall with a swing, it might 
 first hit the wall, and then rebounding upon me, might kill me 
 for all this Beam. This made me stand in the Steeple door ; 
 
 25 and now, thought I, I am safe enough ; for, if a Bell should 
 then fall I can slip out behind these thick Walls, and so be pre- 
 served notwithstanding. 
 
 34. So after this, I would yet go to see them ring, but would 
 not go further than the Steeple-door ; but then it came into my 
 
 30 Head, How, 'if the Steeple itself should fall ? And this thought, 
 It may fall for ought I know, when I stood and looked on did 
 continually so shake my mi?id that I durst not stand at the 
 Steeple-door any longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the 
 Steeple should fall upon my head. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 7 
 
 35. Another thing was my Dancing. I was a full year be- 
 fore I could quite leave that. But all this while, when I thought 
 I kept this or that Commandment, or did, by word or deed, 
 anything that I thought was good, I had great Peace in my 
 Co?iscience; and should think with myself, God cannot choose 5 
 but be now pleased with me ; yea, to relate it in mine own way, 
 
 I thought no man in England could please God better than I. 
 
 36. But poor Wretch as I was, I was all this while ignorant 
 of Jesus Christ, and going about to establish my own Righteous- 
 ness ; and had perished therein, had not God, in mercy, showed 10 
 me more of my State by nature. 
 
 37. But upon a day the good providence of God did cast 
 me to Bedford, to work on my Calling; and in one of the 
 Streets of that Totem, I came where there were three or four 
 poor Women sitting at a door in the Sun, and talking about the 1 5 
 things of "God ; and being now willing to hear them discourse 
 
 I drew near to hear what they said, for I was now a brisk 
 Talker also myself in the matters of Religion. But I may say, 
 / heard, but I understood not ; for they were far above, out of 
 my reach. Their talk was about a new Birth, the work of God 20 
 on their hearts, also how they were convinced of their miserable 
 state by nature. They talked how God had visited their souls 
 with his love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and prom- 
 ises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported against 
 the temptations of the Devil. Moreover they reasoned of the 25 
 Suggestions and Temptations of Satan in particular ; and told 
 to each other by which they had been afflicted, and how they 
 were borne up under his assaults. They also discoursed of 
 their own wretchedness of heart, of their Unbelief; and did 
 contemn, slight, and abhor their own Righteousness, as filthy 30 
 and insufficient to do them any good. 
 
 38. And methought they spake as if Joy did make them 
 speak ; they spake with such pleasantness of Scripture Lan- 
 guage, and with such appearance of grace in all they said, that 
 
18 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 they were to me, as if they had found a new World, as if they 
 were people that dwelt alone, and were not to be reckoned amongst 
 their Neighbours} 
 
 39. At this I felt my own Heart began to shake, and mis- 
 5 trust my Condition to be naught ; for I saw that in all my 
 
 thoughts about Religion and Salvation, the new Birth did never 
 enter into my Mind, neither knew I the Comfort of the Word 
 and Promise, nor the Deceitfulness and Treachery of my own 
 wicked Heart. As for secret Thoughts, I took no notice of 
 10 them ; neither did I understand what Satan's Temptations were, 
 nor how they were to be withstood and resisted, &c. 
 
 40. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and considered what 
 they said, I left them, and went about my employment again, 
 but their Talk and Discourse went with me ; also my heart 
 
 15 would tarry with them, for I was greatly affected with their 
 words, both because by them I was convinced that I wanted 
 the true Tokens of a truly godly Man, and also because by 
 them I was convinced of the happy and blessed Condition of 
 him that was such an one. 
 
 20 41. Therefore I should often make it my business to be 
 going again and again into the Company of these poor People ; 
 for I could not stay away. And the more I went amongst 
 them, the more I did question my Condition ; and as I still do 
 remember, presently I found two things within me at which I 
 
 25 did sometimes marvel (especially considering what a blind, igno- 
 rant, sordid, and ungodly W T retch but just before I was) ; the 
 one was a very great softness and tenderness of Heart, which 
 caused- me to fall under the Conviction of what by Scripture 
 they asserted ; and the other was a great Bending in my Mind 
 
 30 to a continual meditating on them, and on all other good things 
 which at any time I heard or read of. 
 
 42. By these things my Mind was now so turned that it lay 
 like a Horse-leech at the Vein, still crying out, Give, give 2 ; yea, 
 
 1 Numb. 23. 2 Prov. 30. 15. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 19 
 
 it was so fixed on Eternity, and on the things about the King- 
 dom of Heaven (that is, so far as I knew, though as yet, God 
 knows, I knew but little) ; that neither Pleasures, nor Profits, 
 nor Persuasions, nor Threats, could loosen it, or make it let go 
 his Hold. And though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in 5 
 very deed a certain Truth, it would then have been as difficult 
 for me to have taken my mind from Heaven to Earth, as I 
 have found it often since to get it again from Earth to Heaven. 
 
 43. One thing I may not omit. There was a young man in 
 our town, to whom my Heart was knit more than to any other, 10 
 but he being a most wicked Creature for cursing and swearing 
 and whoring, I now shook him off and forsook his Company ; 
 but about a quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him 
 
 in a certain lane, and asked him how he did ; he, after his old 
 swearing and mad way, answered, He was well. But, Harry, 15 
 said I, Why do you swear and curse thus ? What will become 
 of you, if you die in this condition ? He answered me in a great 
 chafe, What would the Devil do for Company, if it we?'e not for 
 such as I am ? 
 
 44. About this time I met with some Ranters' Books, that 20 
 were put forth by some of our Countrymen, which Books were 
 also highly in esteem by several old Professors ; some of these 
 
 I read, but was not able to make a Judgment about them. 
 Wherefore as I read in them, and thought upon them (feeling 
 myself unable to judge), I should betake myself to hearty 25 
 prayer in this manner : O Lord, I am a fool, and not able to 
 know the Truth from Error. Lord, leave me not to my own. 
 Bli?idness, either to approve of, or condemn this Doctrine. Lf it 
 be of God, let me not despise it ; if it be of the Devil, let me not 
 embrace it. Lord, L lay my Soul, in this matter, only at thy foot ; 30 
 let me not.be deceived, L humbly beseech thee. I had one religious 
 intimate Companion all this while, and that was the poor Man 
 that I spoke of before. But about this time he also turned a 
 most devilish Ranter, and gave himself up to all manner of 
 
20 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 filthiness, especially Uncleanness. He would also deny that 
 there was a God, Angel, or Spirit ; and would laugh at all ex- 
 hortations to sobriety. When I laboured to rebuke his wicked- 
 ness, he would laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone 
 5 through all Religions, and could never light on the right till 
 now. He told me also, that in a little time I should see all 
 Professors turn to the ways of the Ranters. Wherefore, abom- 
 inating those cursed Principles, I left his Company forthwith, 
 and became to him as great a Stranger, as I had been before 
 10 a Familiar. 
 
 45. Neither was this man only a temptation to me; but my 
 Calling lying in the country, I happened to light into several 
 People's Company, who, though strict in Religion formerly, yet 
 were also swept away by these Ranters. These would also talk 
 
 1 5 with me of their Ways, and condemn me as legal and dark ; 
 pretending that they only had attained to perfection that could 
 do what they would, and not sin. Oh ! These Temptations 
 were suitable to my Flesh, I being but a young Man, and my 
 Nature in its prime. But God, who had, as I hope, designed 
 
 20 me for better things, kept me in the fear of his name, and did 
 not suffer me to accept of such cursed Principles. And blessed 
 be God, who put it into my heart to cry to him to be kept and 
 directed, still distrusting mine own wisdom ; for I have since 
 seen even the effect of that Prayer, in his preserving me not 
 
 25 only from Ranting errors, but from those also that have sprung 
 up since. The Bible was precious to me in those days. 
 
 46. And now, methought, I began to look into the Bible 
 with new eyes, and read as I never did before ; and especially 
 the Epistles of the Apostle St. Paul were sweet and pleasant 
 
 30 to me ; and, indeed, I was then never out of the Bible, either 
 by reading or meditation ; still crying out to God, that I might 
 know the truth, and way to Heaven and Glory. 
 
 47. And as I went on and read, I lighted on that passage, 
 x To one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom ; to another 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 21 
 
 the word of knowledge by the same Spirit ; and to another faith? 
 &c} And though, as I have since seen, that by this Scripture 
 the Holy Ghost intends, in special, things extraordinary, yet on 
 me it did then fasten with conviction, that I did want things 
 ordinary, even that understanding and wisdom that other Chris- 5 
 tians had. On this word I mused, and could not tell what to 
 do, especially this word Faith put me to it, for I could not 
 help it, but sometimes must question, whether I had any Faith 
 or no. For I feared that it shut me out of all the blessings that 
 other good people had given them of God. But I was loth to 10 
 conclude I had no Faith ; for if I do so, thought I, then I shall 
 count myself a very Cast-away indeed. 
 
 48. No, said I with myself, though I am convinced that I 
 am an ignorant Sot, and that I want those blessed Gifts of 
 Knoivledge and Understanding that other good People have ; 1 5 
 yet, at a venture, I will conclude I am not altogether faithless, 
 though I know not what Faith is. For it was shewed me, and 
 that too (as I have seen since), by Srtan, that those who con- 
 clude themselves in a faith/ess State, have neither rest nor quiet 
 
 in their Souls ; and I was loth to fall quite into despair. 20 
 
 49. Wherefore, by this suggestion, I was for a while made 
 afraid to see my want of Faith. But God would not suffer me 
 thus to undo and destroy my Soul, but did continually, against 
 this my blind and sad Conclusion, create still within me such 
 suppositions, insomuch that I could not rest content, until I 25 
 did now come to some certain Knowledge, whether I had Faith 
 or no ; this always running in my mind, But how if you want 
 faith i?ideed ? But how can you tell you have Faith ? And, 
 besides, I saw for certain, if I had it not, I was sure to perish 
 for ever. 30 
 
 50. So that though I endeavoured at the first to look over ■ 
 the business of Faith, yet in a little time, I better considering 
 the matter, was willing to put myself upon the trial, whether 
 
 1 1 Cor. 12. 8, 9. 
 
22 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 I hao! Faith or no. But, alas, poor wretch, so ignorant and 
 brutish was I, that I knew to this day no more how to do it, 
 than I know how to begin and accomplish that rare and curious 
 piece of Art, which I never yet saw nor considered. 
 5 51. Wherefore, while I was thus considering, and being put 
 to my plunge about it (for you must know, that as yet I had in 
 this matter broken my Mind to no Man, only did hear and con- 
 sider), the Tempter came in with his delusion, That there was 
 710 way for me to know I had faith, but by trying to work some 
 
 10 Miracle ; urging those Scriptw-es that seem to look that way, 
 for the enforcing and strengthening his Temptation. Nay, one 
 day as I was betwixt Elstow and Bedford, the temptation was 
 hot upon me, to try if I had Faith, by doing of some Miracle : 
 which Miracle at that time was this, I must say to the Puddles 
 
 1 s that were in the horse-pads, Be dry ; and to the dry places, Be 
 you the Puddles. And truly, one time I was going to say so 
 indeed ; but just as I was about to speak, this thought came into 
 my mind, But go under yonder Hedge and pray first, that God 
 would make you able. But when I had concluded to pray, this 
 
 20 came hot upon me, That if I prayed, and came again and tried 
 to do it, and yet did nothing notwithstanding, then be sure I had 
 no Faith, but was a Cast-away and lost. Nay, thought I, if it 
 be so, I will never try yet, but will stay a little longer. 
 
 52. So I continued at a great loss; for I thought, if they 
 
 25 only had Faith, which could do so wonderful things, then I con- 
 cluded, that, for the present, I neither had it, nor yet, for time 
 to come, were ever like to have it. Thus I was tossed betwixt 
 the Devil and my own Ignorance, and so perplexed, especially 
 at some times, that I could not tell what to do. 
 
 30 53. About this time, the state and happiness of these poor 
 people at Bedford was thus, in a Dream or Vision, presented to 
 me. I saw, as if they were set on the Sunny side of some high 
 Mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams 
 of the Sun, while I was shivering and shrinking in the Cold, 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 23 
 
 afflicted with Frost, Snow, and dark Clouds. Methought, also, 
 betwixt me and them, I saw a wall that did compass about this 
 mountain ; now, through this wall my soul did greatly desire to 
 pass ; concluding, that if I could, I would go even into the very 
 midst of them, and there also comfort myself with the heat of 5 
 their Sun. 
 
 54. About this wall I thought myself to go again and again, 
 still prying as I went, to see if I could find some way or passage, 
 by which I might enter therein ; but none could I find for some 
 time. At the last, I saw, as it were, a narrow gap, like a little 10 
 doorway in the Wall, through which I attempted to pass ; Now 
 the passage being very strait and narrow, I made many efforts 
 
 to get in, but all in Vain, even until I was well nigh quite beat 
 out, by striving to get in. At last, with great striving, methought 
 I at first did get in my head, and after that, by a sidling striving, 1 5 
 my Shoulders and my whole Body. Then was I exceeding glad, 
 and went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was com- 
 forted with the light and heat of their Sun. 
 
 55. Now, this Mountain and Wall, &c, was thus made out 
 
 to me — the Mountain signified the Church of the living God ; 20 
 the Sun that shone thereon, the comfortable shining of his merci- 
 ful Face on them that were therein ; the Wall, I thought, was 
 the Word, that did make separation between the Christians and 
 the World ; and the Gap which was in this Wall, I thought, was 
 Jesus Christ, who is the way to God the Father 1 . But foras- 25 
 much as the Passage was wonderful narrow, 2 even so narrow, 
 that I could not, but with great difficulty, enter in thereat, it 
 showed me that none could enter into Life, but those that were 
 in downright earnest, and unless also they left this wicked World 
 behind them ; for here was only room for Body and Soul, but 3° 
 not for Body and Soul, and Sin. 
 
 56. This resemblance abode upon my Spirit many days; all 
 which time, I saw myself in a forlorn and sad Condition, but yet 
 
 1 John 14. 6. 2 Matt. 7. 14. 
 
24 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 was provoked to a vehement hunger and desire to be one of that 
 number that did sit in the Sunshine. Now also I should pray 
 wherever I was, whether at home or abroad, in house or field, 
 and should also often, with lifting up of heart, sing that of the 
 5 5 1 st psalm, O Lord, consider my distress ; for as yet I knew not 
 where I was. 
 
 57. Neither as yet could I attain to any comfortable persuasion 
 that I had Faith in Christ ; but instead of having satisfaction, here 
 I began to find my Soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts about 
 
 10 my future happiness ; especially with such as these, Whether I 
 was elected ? But how, if the Day of Grace should now be past 
 and go?ie ? 
 
 58. By these two Temptations I was very much afflicted and 
 disquieted ; sometimes by one, and sometimes by the other of 
 
 15 them. And first, to speak of that about my questioning my Elec- 
 tion, I found at this time that though I was in a flame to find 
 the way to Heaven and Glory, and though nothing could beat 
 me off from this, yet this Question did so offend and discourage 
 me, that I was, especially at some times, as if the very strength 
 
 20 of my body also had been taken away by the force and power 
 thereof. This scripture did also seem to me to trample upon all 
 my desires, It is neither in him that willeth, ?ior in him that run- 
 neth, but in God that sheweth mercy} 
 
 59. With this Scripture I could not tell what to do ; for I evi- 
 25 dently saw that unless the great God, of his infinite Grace and 
 
 Bounty, had voluntarily chosen me to be a Vessel of Mercy, 
 though I should desire and long and labour until my heart did 
 break, no good could come of it. Therefore, this would still stick 
 with me, How can you tell you are Elected? And what if you 
 30 should not ? How then ? 
 
 60. O Lord, thought I, what if I should not, indeed ? It may 
 be you are not, said the Tempter. It may be so, indeed, thought 
 I. Why, then, said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive 
 
 1 Rom. 9. 16. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 25 
 
 no further ; for if, indeed, you should not be elected and chosen 
 of God, there is no talk of your being saved ; For it is neither 
 in him that ivilleth, nor in him that runneth, but in God that 
 sheweth mercy. 
 
 61. By these things I was driven to my Wits' end, not know- 5 
 ing what to say, or how to answer these temptations. (Indeed, 
 
 I little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that rather 
 it was my own Prudence, thus to start the Question ;) for, that 
 the Elect only attained Eternal Life, that I, without scruple, did 
 heartily close withal ; but that myself was one of them, there lay 10 
 all the Question. 
 
 62. Thus, therefore, for several days, I was greatly assaulted 
 and perplexed, and was often, when I have been walking, ready 
 to sink where I went, with faintness in my Mind. But one day, 
 after I had been so many Weeks oppressed and cast down 15 
 therewith, as I was now quite giving up the Ghost of all my 
 hopes of ever attaining Life, that Sentence fell with weight upon 
 my Spirit. Look at the generations of Old and see ; did ever any 
 trust i?i God, a?id were confounded 1 } 
 
 63. At which I was greatly lightened and encouraged in my 20 
 Soul ; for thus, at that very instant, it was expounded to me, Begin 
 
 at the beginning of Genesis, and read to the end of the Revelations, 
 and see if you can find that there was ever any that trusted in the 
 Lord, a?id was confounded. So, coming home I presently went 
 to my Bible to see if I could find that saying, not doubting but to 25 
 find it presently ; for it was so fresh, and with such strength and 
 comfort on my Spirit, that I was as if it talked with me. 
 
 64. Well, I looked, but I found it not ; only it abode upon 
 me. Then I did ask first this good Man, and then another, if 
 they knew where it was, but they knew no such place. At this 30 
 I wondered that such a sentence should so suddenly, and with 
 such comfort and strength, seize and abide upon my heart, and 
 yet that none could find it. For I doubted not but it was in 
 holy Scripture. 
 
26 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 65. Thus I continued above a year, and could not find the 
 place ; but at last, casting my eye into the Apocrypha books, I 
 found it in Ecclesiasticus. 1 This, at the first, did somewhat daunt 
 me ; but because, by this time, I had got more experience of the 
 
 5 love and kindness of God, it troubled me the less ; especially 
 when I considered that though it was not in those Texts that we 
 call Holy and Canonical, yet forasmuch as this sentence was the 
 sum and substance of many of the Promises, it was my duty to 
 take the comfort of it. And I bless God for that word, for it 
 10 was of God to me. That word doth still, at times, shine before 
 my face. 
 
 66. After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon 
 me, But how if the day of Grace should be past and gone ? How 
 if you have overstood the time of Mercy. ? Now, I remember that 
 
 1 5 one day, as I was walking into the Country, I was much in the 
 thoughts of this, But how if the day of Grace be past ? And to 
 aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those 
 good people of Bedford, and suggested thus unto me, That these 
 being converted already, they were all that God would save in 
 
 20 those parts ; and that I came too late for these had got the 
 Blessing before I came. 
 
 67. Now was I in great distress, thinking in very deed that 
 this might well be so. Wherefore I went up and down bemoan- 
 ing my sad condition, counting myself far worse than a thousand 
 
 25 fools, for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in 
 sin as I have done ; still crying out, Oh, that I had turned 
 sooner ; Oh, that I had turned seven years ago ! It made me 
 also angry with myself, to think that I should have no more 
 Wit, but to trifle away my time till my Soul and Heaven were 
 
 30 lost. 
 
 68. But when I had been long vexed with this fear, and was 
 scarce able to take one step more, just about the same place 
 where I received my other encouragement, these words broke in 
 
 1 Ecclus. 2. 10. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 2J 
 
 upon my mind, Compel them to come in, that my House may be 
 filled ; a n d yet there is room} These words, but especially them, 
 And yet there is room, were sweet words to me ; for, truly, I 
 thought that by them I saw there was place enough in Heaven 
 for me ; and, moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these 5 
 words, he then did think of me ; and that he knowing that the 
 time would come that I should be afflicted with fear that there 
 was no place left for me in his Bosom, did before speak this 
 word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby 
 against this vile Temptation. This, I then verily believed. 10 
 
 69. In the light and encouragement of this Word, I went a 
 pretty while ; and the comfort was the more, when I thought 
 that the Lord Jesus should think on me so long ago, and that he 
 should speak them words on purpose for my sake. For I did 
 then think verily that he did on purpose speak them to encourage 1 5 
 me withal. 
 
 70. But I was not without my Temptations to go back again. 
 Temptations, I say, both from Satan, mine own heart, and car- 
 nal acquaintance. But I thank God these were out-weighed by 
 that sound sense of Death and of the Day of Judgment, which 20 
 abode, as it were, continually in my view. I should often also 
 think on Nebuchadnezzar, of whom it is said, He had given him 
 all the Kingdoms of the Earth. 11 Yet, thought I, if this great 
 man had all his portion in this world, one Hour in Hell-fire 
 would make him forget all. Which Consideration was a great 25 
 help to me. 
 
 71. I was almost made, about this time, to see something 
 concerning the beasts that Moses counted clean and unclean. I 
 thought those Beasts were Types of Men ; the clean, types of 
 them that were the people of God ; but the imclean, types of 30 
 such as were the Children of the wicked One. Now, I read that 
 the clean beasts Chewed the cud ; that is, thought I, they show 
 us we must feed upon the Word of God. They also parted the 
 
 1 Luke 14. 22, 23. 2 Dan. 5. 18, 19. 
 
28 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 hoof ; I thought that signified we must part, if we would be 
 saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in further read- 
 ing about them I found, that though we did chew the cud as the 
 Hare, yet if we walked with Claws like a Dog, or if we did part 
 5 the Hoof like the Swifie, yet if we did not chew the cud as the 
 Sheep, we were still, for all that, but unclean ; 1 for I thought the 
 Hare to be a type of those that talk of the Word, yet walk in 
 the ways of sin ; and that the Swine was like him that parteth 
 with his Outward pollutions, but still wanteth the Word of Faith, 
 
 10 without which there could be no way of salvation, let a Man be 
 never so devout. After this I found, by reading the Word, that 
 those that must be glorified with Christ in another World must 
 be called by him here ; called to the partaking of a share in his 
 Word and Righteousness, and to the comforts and first-Fruits of 
 
 1 5 his Spirit, and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things 
 which do indeed fore-fit the Soul for that Rest and House of 
 Glory which is in Heaven above. 
 
 72. Here, again, I was at a very great stand, not knowing 
 what to do, fearing I was not called ; for, thought I, if I be not 
 
 20 called, what then can do me good? None but those who are effec- 
 tually called, inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh ! how I now 
 loved those words that spake of a Christian's calling ! as when 
 the Lord said to one, Follow me ; and to another, Come after me. 
 A?id oh ! thought I, that he would say so to me too, how gladly 
 
 25 would I run after him / 
 
 73. I cannot now express with what longings and breakings 
 in my Soul I cried to Christ to call me. Thus I continued for a 
 time, all on a flame to be converted to Jesus Christ ; and did 
 also see all that day, such glory in a Converted state, that I 
 
 30 could not be contented without a share therein. Gold ! could 
 it have been gotten for Gold, what could I have given for it ! had 
 I had a whole World it had all gone ten thousand times over 
 for this, that my Soul might have been in a converted state. 
 1 Deut. 14. 6, 8. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 29 
 
 74. How lovely now was every one in my Eyes that I thought 
 to be converted Men and Women ! they shone, they walked 
 like people that carried the Broad Seal of Heaven about them. 
 Oh ! I saw the Lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and 
 they had a goodly Heritage. 1 But that which made me sick 5 
 was that of Christ, in Mark, He went up into a mountain and 
 called to him whom he would, and they came unto him? 
 
 75. This Scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire 
 in my Soul. That which made me fear was this, lest Christ should 
 have no liking to me, for he called whom he would. But oh ! the 10 
 glory that I saw in that Condition did still so engage my heart 
 that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call but I pres- 
 ently wished, Would I had been i?i their clothes ; would I had been 
 born Peter ; would I had been born John ; or would I had been 
 by and had heard him when he called them, how would I 15 
 have cried, O Lord, call me also. But oh ! I feared he would not 
 call me. 
 
 76. And truly the Lord let me go thus many Months together 
 and showed me nothing ; either that I was already, or should be 
 called hereafter. But at last, after much time spent, and many 20 
 Groans to God, that I might be made partaker of the Holy and 
 Heavenly calling, that Word came in upon me — I will cleanse 
 their Blood that I have not cleansed, for the Lord dwelleth in Zion* 
 These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still 
 upon God, and signified unto me, that if I were not already, yet 25 
 time might come I might be in truth converted unto Christ. 
 
 77. About this time I began to break my mind to those poor 
 people in Bedford, and to tell them my Condition ; which, when 
 they had heard, they told Mr. Giffordoi me, who himself also took 
 occasion to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded 30 
 of me, though I think but from little grounds. But he invited me 
 
 to his House, where I should hear him confer with others, about 
 the dealings of God with their Souls, from all which I still received 
 
 1 Ps. 16. 6. 2 Mark 3. 13. 3 Joel 3. 21. 
 
30 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 more Conviction, and from that time began to see something 
 of the Vanity and inward Wretchedness of my wicked Heart, 
 for as yet I knew no great matter therein ; but now it began to 
 be discovered unto me, and also to work at that rate for wicked- 
 5 ness as it never did before. Now I evidently found that Lusts 
 and Corruptions would strongly put forth themselves within me, 
 in wicked thoughts and desires, which I did not regard before ; 
 my Desires also for Heaven and Life began to fail. I found 
 also, that whereas before my Soul was full of longing after 
 
 10 God, now my heart began to hanker after every foolish vanity ; 
 yea, my heart would not be moved to mind that that was 
 good ; it began to be careless, both of my Soul and Heaven ; 
 it would now continually hang back, both to, and in every duty ; 
 and was as a Clog on the Leg of a Bird to hinder her from 
 
 15 flying. 
 
 78. Nay, thought I, now I grow worse and worse; now am 
 I farther from Conversion than ever I was before. Wherefore 
 I began to sink greatly in my Soul, and began to entertain such 
 discouragement in my Heart as laid me low as Hell. If now I 
 
 20 should have burned at the Stake, I could not believe that Christ 
 had love for me ; alas, I could neither hear him, nor see him, 
 nor feel him, nor savour any of his things. I was driven as with 
 a Tempest : my Heart would be unclean : the Ca?iaanites would 
 dwell in the land. 
 
 25 79. Sometimes I would tell my Condition to the People of 
 God, which, when they heard, they would pity me, and would 
 tell me of the Promises. But they had as good have told me 
 that I must reach the Sun with my finger as have bidden me 
 receive or rely upon the Promise ; and as soon as I should have 
 
 30 done it, all my Sense and Feeling was against me ; and I saw 
 I had a Heart that would sin, and that lay under a Law that 
 would condemn. 
 
 80. These things have often made me think of the Child 
 which the Father brought to Christ, who, while he was yet a 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 31 
 
 coming to him, was thrown down by the Devil?- and also so rent 
 and torn by him that he lay a7id wallowed, foaming. 2 
 
 81. Further, in these days I should find my heart to shut 
 itself up against the Lord, and against his holy Word. I have 
 found my Unbelief to set, as it were, the shoulder to the door 5 
 to keep him out, and that too even then, when I have with 
 many a bitter sigh cried, Good Lord, break it open ; Lord, break 
 these Gates of Brass, and cut these bars of Iron asunder. 8 Yet 
 that word would sometimes create in my heart a peaceable 
 pause, I girded thee, though thou hast not known me} 10 
 
 82. But all this while as to the act of sinning, I never was 
 more tender than now. I durst not take a pin or a stick, though 
 but so big as a straw, for my conscience now was sore, and 
 would smart at every touch ; I could not now tell how to speak 
 my words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, how gingerly 15 
 did I then go in all I did or said ! I found myself as on a miry 
 Bog that shook if I did but stir ; and was as there left both of 
 God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things. 
 
 83. But, I observe, though I was such a great sinner before 
 conversion, yet God never much charged the guilt of the sins 20 
 of my ignorance upon me ; only he showed me I was lost if 
 
 I had not Christ, because I had been a Sinner. I saw that I 
 wanted a perfect Righteousness to present me without fault 
 before God ; and this Righteousness was nowhere to be found, 
 but in the Person of Jesus Christ. 25 
 
 84. But my original and inward pollution, that, that was my 
 plague and my affliction ; that, I say, at a dreadful rate, always 
 putting forth itself within me ; that I had the guilt of, to amaze- 
 ment ; by reason of that, I was more loathsome in my own Eyes 
 than was a Toad ; and I thought I was so in God's Eyes too. 30 
 Sin and Corruption, I said, would as naturally bubble out of 
 my Heart as Water would bubble out of a Fountain. I thought 
 
 1 Luke 9. 42. 3 p s . 107. 16. 
 
 2 Mark 9. 20. 4 i sa> 45. tj t 
 
32 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 now that every one had a better heart than I had ; and could 
 have changed heart with any body. I thought none but the 
 Devil himself could equalize me for inward wickedness and pol- 
 lution of Mind. I fell, therefore, at the sight of my own vileness, 
 5 deeply into despair ; for I concluded that this condition that I 
 was in could not stand with a state of Grace. Sure, thought I, 
 I am forsaken of God ; sure I am given up to the Devil, and to 
 a reprobate mind. And thus I continued a long while, even for 
 some Years together. 
 
 10 85. While I was thus afflicted with the fears of my own dam- 
 nation, there were two things would make me wonder; the one 
 was, when I saw old People hunting after the things of this 
 life, as if they should live here always ; the other was, when I 
 found Professors much distressed and cast down, when they 
 
 1 5 met with outward losses ; as of Husband, Wife, Child, &c. 
 Lord, thought I, what ado is here about such little things as these / 
 What seeking after carnal things by some, and what grief in 
 others for the loss of the?n ! If they so much labour after, and 
 spend so many tears for the things of this present life, how am I 
 
 20 to be bemoaned, pitied, and prayed for ! My soul is dying, my 
 soul is damning. Were my soul but in a good condition, and 
 were I but sure of it, ah ! how rich should I esteem myself, though 
 blessed with Bread and Water. I should count those but small 
 Afflictions, and should bear them as little Burthens. A wounded 
 
 25 spirit who can bear? 
 
 86. And though I was thus troubled, and tossed, and afflicted, 
 with the sight and sense and terror of my own wickedness, yet 
 I was afraid to let this sight and sense go quite off my mind ; 
 for I found, that unless guilt of Conscience was taken off the 
 
 30 right way, that is, by the Blood of Christ, a man grew rather 
 worse for the loss of his trouble of Mind, than better. Where- 
 fore, if my guilt lay hard upon me, then I should cry that the 
 Blood of Christ might take it off ; and if it was going off without 
 it (for the sense of Sin would be sometimes as if it would die, 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 33 
 
 and go quite away), then I would also strive to fetch it upon my 
 heart again, by bringing the punishment for sin in Hell-fire upon 
 my Spirits ; and should cry, Lord, let it not go off my heart, but 
 the right way, but by the Blood of Christ, and by the application 
 of thy Mercy, through him, to my Soul ; for that Scripture lay 
 much upon me, without shedding of Blood is no remission} And 
 that which made me the more afraid of this was, because I had 
 seen some, who, though when they were under wounds of Con- 
 science, then they would cry and pray ; but they seeking rather 
 present ease from their trouble than pardon for their sin, cared 
 not how they lost their guilt so they got it out of their mind ; 
 and, therefore, having got it off the wrong way, it was not sanc- 
 tified unto them ; but they grew harder and blinder and more 
 wicked after their trouble. This made me afraid, and made me 
 cry to God the more, that it might not be so with me. 
 
 87. And now was I sorry that God had made me a man, for 
 I feared I was a Reprobate. I counted man as unconverted, 
 the most doleful of all the Creatures. Thus being afflicted and 
 tossed about my sad condition, I counted myself alone, and 
 above the most of men unblessed. 
 
 88. Yea, I thought it impossible that ever I should attain to 
 so much goodness of heart, as to thank God that he had made 
 me a man. Man indeed is the most noble by Creation of all 
 creatures in the visible World ; but by sin he had made himself 
 the most ignoble. The beasts, birds, fishes, &c, I blessed their 
 condition, for they had not a sinful nature, they were not ob- 
 noxious to the wrath of God ; they were not to go to Hell-fire 
 after death. I could therefore have rejoiced, had my condition 
 been as any of theirs. 
 
 89. In this condition I went a great while ; but when com- 
 forting time was come, I heard one preach a Sermon upon 
 those words in the Song, Behold thou art fair, my Love ; behold, 
 thou a ;i fair. 2 But at that time he made these two words, My 
 
 1 Heb. 9. 22. 2 Cant. 4. 1. 
 
34 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 Love, his chief and subject matter ; from which, after he had a 
 little opened the Text, he observed these several Conclusions : 
 i. That the Church, and so every saved Soul, is Christ's Love, 
 when loveless. 2. Christ's Love without a cause. 3. Christ's 
 5 Love when hated of the World. 4. Christ's Love when under 
 temptation, and under desertion. 5. Christ's Love from first 
 to last. 
 
 90. But I got nothing by what he said at present, only when 
 he came to the Application of the fourth Particular, this was the 
 
 10 word he said ; If it be so, that the saved soul is Christ's Love when 
 under Temptation and Desertion ; then poor tempted Soul, when 
 thou art assaulted and afflicted with temptation, and the hidings 
 of God's face, yet think on these two words, My Love, still. 
 
 91. So as I was a going home, these words came again into 
 1 5 my thoughts ; and I well remember, as they came in, I said 
 
 thus in my heart, What shall I get by thinking o?i these two 
 words ? This thought had no sooner passed through my heart, 
 but the words began thus to kindle in my spirit, Thou art my 
 Love, thou art my Love, twenty times together ; and still as they 
 
 20 ran thus in my mind, they waxed stronger and warmer, and began 
 to make me look up. But being as yet between hope and fear, 
 I still replied in my heart, But is it t?-ue, but is it true ? At which, 
 that Sentence fell in upon me, He wist not that it was true which 
 was done by the angel} 
 
 25 92. Then I began to give place to the Word, which, with 
 power, did over and over make this joyful sound within my 
 Soul, Thou art my Love, thou art my Love ; and nothi?ig shall 
 separate thee from my Love ; and with that Romans eight, thirty- 
 nine came into my mind. Now was my heart filled full of comfort 
 
 30 and hope, and now I could believe that my sins should be for- 
 given me ; yea, I was now so taken with the love and mercy of 
 God, that I remember I could not tell how to contain till I got 
 Home. I thought I could have spoken of his Love, and of his 
 1 Acts 12. 9. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 35 
 
 Mercy to me, even to the very Crows that sat upon the ploughed 
 Lands before me, had they been capable to have understood 
 me ; wherefore I said in my soul, with much gladness, Well, I 
 would I had a Pen and Ink here, Ituouldivrite this dowfi before 
 I go any further, for surely I will not forget this Forty Years 5 
 hence. But, alas ! within less than Forty Days, I began to ques- 
 tion all again ; which made me begin to question all still. 
 
 93. Yet still at times, I was helped to believe that it was a 
 true manifestation of Grace unto my Soul, though I had lost 
 much of the life and savour of it. Now about a Week or Fort- 10 
 night after this, I was much followed by this Scripture, Simon, 
 Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you. 1 And sometimes it 
 would sound so loud within me, yea, and as it were call so 
 strongly after me, that once above all the rest, I turned my head 
 over my shoulder, thinking verily that some Man had, behind 15 
 me, called to me ; being at a great distance, methought he called 
 
 so loud. It came, as I have thought since, to have stirred me 
 up to prayer, and to watchfulness ; it came to acquaint me 
 that a cloud and a storm was coming down upon me, but I 
 understood it not. 20 
 
 94. Also, as I remember, that time that it called to me so loud, 
 was the last time that it sounded in mine ear ; but methinks 
 I hear still with what a loud voice these words, Simon, Simon, 
 sounded in mine ears. I thought verily, as I have told you, that 
 somebody had called after me, that was half a Mile behind me ; 25 
 and although that was not my Name, yet it made me suddenly 
 look behind me, believing that he that called so loud meant me. 
 
 95. But so foolish was I, and ignorant, that I knew not the 
 reason of this sound ; which, as I did both see and feel soon after, 
 was sent from Heaven as an Alarm, to awaken me to provide 30 
 for what was coming ; only it would make me muse and wonder 
 
 in my mind, to think what should be the reason that this Scrip- 
 ture, and that at this rate, so often and so loud, should still be 
 
 1 Luke 22.31. 
 
36 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 sounding and rattling in mine ears. But, as I said before, I soon 
 after perceived the end of God therein. 
 
 96. For, about the space of a Month after a very great storm 
 came down upon me, which handled me twenty times worse than 
 5 all I had met with before. It came stealing upon me, now by 
 one piece, then by another ; first, all my comfort was taken from 
 me, then darkness seized upon me, after which, whole floods of 
 blasphemies, both against God, Christ, and the Scriptures, were 
 poured upon my spirit, to my great confusion and astonishment. 
 
 10 These blasphemous thoughts were such as also stirred up ques- 
 tions in me, against the very Being of God, and of his only be- 
 loved Son ; as, whether there were, in truth, a God, or Christ, 
 or no ? And whether the holy Scriptures were not rather a 
 Fable, and cunning story, than the holy and pure Word of God ? 
 
 15 97. The tempter would also much assault me with this, How 
 can you tell but that the Turks had as good Scriptures to prove 
 their Mahomet the Saviour, as we have to prove our Jesus is ? 
 And, could I think, that so ma?iy ten thousands, in so many 
 Countries and Kingdoms, should be without the knowledge of the 
 
 20 right way to Heaven ; (if there were indeed a heaven), and that 
 tve only, who live in a corner of the Earth, should alone be blessed 
 therewith ? Every one doth think his own religion lightest, both 
 Jews and Moors, and Pagans ! and how if all our Eaith, and 
 Christ, and Scriptii7'es, should be but a Think-so too ? 
 
 25 98. Sometimes I have endeavoured to argue against these 
 Suggestions, and to set some of the Sentences of blessed Paul 
 against them ; but, alas ! I quickly felt, when I thus did, such 
 arguings as these would return again upon me, Though we 
 made so great a matter of Paul, and of his words, yet how could 
 
 30 I tell but that in very deed, he being a subtle and cunning man, 
 might give himself up to deceive with strong delusions ; and also 
 take that pains and t?'avel to undo and destroy his fellows. 
 
 99. These suggestions, (with many other which at this time 
 I may not, nor dare not utter, neither by word nor pen,) did 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS ^ 
 
 make such a seizure upon my spirit, and did so overweigh my 
 heart, both with their number, continuance, and fiery force, that 
 I felt as if there were nothing else but these from morning to 
 night within me ; and as though, indeed, there could be room 
 for nothing else ; and also concluded, that God had, in very 5 
 wrath to my soul, given me up unto them, to be carried away 
 with them, as with a mighty Whirlwind. 
 
 100. Only by the distaste that they gave unto my spirit, 
 I felt there was something in me, that refused to embrace them. 
 But this consideration I then only had, when God gave me 10 
 leave to swallow my Spittle * ; otherwise the noise, and strength, 
 and force of these temptations, would drown and overflow and 
 as it were, bury all such thoughts or the remembrance of any 
 such thing. While I was in this temptation, I should often 
 find my Mind suddenly put upon it, to curse and swear, or to 15 
 speak some grievous thing against God, or Christ his Son, and 
 of the Scriptures. 
 
 1 o 1 . Now I thought, surely I am possessed of the devil. At 
 other times again, I thought I should be bereft of my wits ; for 
 instead of lauding and magnifying God the Lord with others, 20 
 if I have but heard him spoken of, presently some most horrible 
 blasphemous thought or other, would bolt out of my heart 
 against him. So that whether I did think that God was, or 
 again did think there were no such thing ; no love, nor peace, 
 nor gracious disposition could I feel within me. 25 
 
 102. These things did sink me into very deep despair; for 
 I concluded, that such things could not possibly be found 
 amongst them that loved God. I often, when these temptations 
 have been with force upon me, did compare myself in the case 
 of such a child, whom some Gipsy hath by force took up under 30 
 her Apron, and is carrying from Friend and Country. Kick 
 sometimes I did, and also shriek and cry ; but yet I was as 
 bound in the wings of the temptation, and the wind would carry 
 
 1 Job 7. 19. 
 
38 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 me away. I thought also of Saul, and of the evil spirit that did 
 possess him 1 ; and did greatly fear that my condition was the 
 same with that of his. 
 
 103. In these days, when I have heard others talk of what 
 5 was the sin against the Holy Ghost, then would the Tempter so 
 
 provoke me to desire to sin that sin, that I was as if I could 
 not, must not, neither should be quiet until I had committed 
 that. Now, no sin would serve but that ; if it were to be com- 
 mitted by speaking of such a word, then I have been as if my 
 
 10 Mouth would have spoken that word, whether I would or no ; 
 and in so strong a measure was this temptation upon me, that 
 often I have been ready to clap my hand under my Chin, to 
 hold my Mouth from opening ; and to that end also I have had 
 thoughts at other times, to leap with my head downward, into 
 
 1 5 some Muck-hill hole or other, to keep my Mouth from speaking. 
 
 104. Now I blessed the condition of the Dog and Toad, and 
 counted the estate of everything that God had made far better 
 than this dreadful state of mine, and such as my Companions 
 was ; yea, gladly would I have been in the condition of Dog or 
 
 20 Horse, for I knew they had no soul to perish under the ever- 
 lasting weights of Hell or Sin, as mine was like to do. Nay, and 
 though I saw this, felt this, and was broken to pieces with it, 
 yet that which added to my sorrow was, that I could not find 
 that with all my Soul I did desire deliverance. That scripture 
 
 25 did also tear and rend my soul, in the midst of these distractions, 
 The wicked are like the troubled sea which cantiot rest, whose 
 Waters cast up Mire and Dirt. There is no peace to the wicked, 
 saith my God} 
 
 105. And now my heart was, at times, exceeding hard. If 
 3° I would have given a thousand Pounds for a Tear, I could not 
 
 shed one ; no, nor sometimes scarce desire to shed one. I was 
 much dejected to think that this should be my lot. I saw some 
 could mourn and lament their sin ; and others, again, could 
 
 1 j Sam. 16. 14. 2 Is. 57. 20, 21, 
 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 39 
 
 rejoice, and bless God for Christ ; and others, again, could quietly 
 talk of, and with gladness remember, the Word of God ; while I 
 only was in the storm or tempest. This much sunk me. I thought 
 my condition was alone. I should, therefore, much bewail my 
 hard hap ; but get out of, or get rid of, these things, I could not. 5 
 
 106. While this temptation lasted, which was about a year, 
 I could attend upon none of the Ordinances of God but with 
 sore and great Affliction. Yea, then was I most distressed with 
 blasphemies ; if I have been hearing the Word, then unclean- 
 ness, blasphemies, and despair would hold me a Captive there ; 10 
 if I have been reading, then, sometimes, I had sudden thoughts 
 
 to question all I read ; sometimes, again, my Mind would be so 
 strangely snatched away, and possessed with other things, that 
 I have neither known, nor regarded, nor remembered so much 
 as the sentence that but now I have read. 15 
 
 107. In Prayer, also, I have been greatly troubled at this 
 time. Sometimes I have thought I should see the devil, nay, 
 thought I have felt him, behind me, pull my Clothes. He would 
 be, also, continually at me in the time of Prayer to have done ; 
 Break off, make haste, you have prayed enough, and stay no 20 
 longer ; still drawing my Mind away. Sometimes, also, he would 
 cast in such wicked thoughts as these : that I must pray to him, 
 
 or for him. I have thought sometimes of that — Fall down, or, 
 if thou ivilt fall dozvn and worship me} 
 
 108. Also, when, because I have had wandering thoughts 25 
 in the time of this Duty, I have laboured to compose my Mind 
 and fix it upon God, then, with great force, hath the Tempter 
 laboured to distract me, and confound me, and' to turn away my 
 
 1 Mind, by presenting to my heart and fancy the form of a Bush, 
 a Bull, a Besom, or the like, as if I should pray to those. To 30 
 these he would, also, at some times especially, so hold my Mind 
 that I was as if I could think of nothing else, or pray to nothing 
 else but to these, or such as they. 
 
 1 Matt. 4. 9. 
 
40 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 109. Yet, at times I should have some strong and heart- 
 affecting apprehensions of God, and the reality of the truth of 
 his Gospel. But, oh ! how would my heart, at such times, put 
 forth itself with inexpressible groanings. My whole soul was 
 5 then in every word. I should cry with pangs after God that 
 he would be merciful unto me. But then I should be daunted 
 again with such conceits as these ; I should think that God did 
 mock at these, my prayers, saying, and that in the audience of 
 the holy angels, This poor si)nple wretch doth hanker after me 
 
 10 as if I had nothing to do with my mercy but to bestotu it on such 
 as he. Alas, poor Fool! how art thou deceived! It is not for 
 such as thee to have favour with the Highest. 
 
 no. Then hath the Tempter come upon me, also, with such 
 discouragements as these — You are very hot for mercy, but 1 
 
 15 will cool you ; this frame shall not last always ; Many have been 
 as hot as you for a spurt, but I have quenched their zeal. And 
 with this, such and such who were fallen off would be set before 
 mine Eyes. Then I should be afraid that I should do so too. 
 But, thought I, I am glad this comes into my Mind. Well, J 
 
 20 will watch, and take what heed I can. Though you do, said 
 Satan, I shall be too hard for you ; I will cool you insensibly, by 
 degrees, by little and little. What ca?-e I, saith he, though I be 
 seven years in chillifig your heaii; if I can do it at last 1 Con- 
 tinual rocking will lull a crying Child asleep. I will ply it close, 
 
 25 but I will have my end accomplished. Though you be burning 
 hot at present, yet, if I can pull you from this Fire, I shall have 
 you cold before it be long. 
 
 in. These things brought me into great straits ; for as I 
 at present could not find myself fit for present death, so I 
 
 30 thought to live long would make me yet more unfit ; for time 
 would make me forget all, and wear even the remembrance of 
 the evil of sin, the worth of Heaven, and the need I had of the 
 Blood of Christ to wash me, both out of Mind and Thought. 
 But I thank Christ Jesus these things did not at present make 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 41 
 
 me slack my crying, but rather did put me more upon it, (like 
 her who met with the adulterer 1 ,) in which days that was a good 
 word to me after I had suffered these things a while : / am per- 
 suaded that neither height, nor depth, death nor life, &c, shall 
 separate us from the Love of God, which is in Christ fesus} And 5 
 now I hoped long life should not destroy me, nor make me miss 
 of Heaven. 
 
 112. Yet I had some supports in this temptation, though 
 they were then all questioned by me. That in the third of 
 Jeremiah, at the first, was something to me, and so was the 10 
 consideration of the fifth verse of that Chapter ; that though 
 we have spoken and done as evil things as we could, yet we 
 should cry unto God, My father, thou art the guide of my youth ; z 
 and should return unto him. 
 
 113. I had, also, once a sweet glance from that in the fifth 15 
 of second Corinthians, For he hath niade him to be sin for us, 
 who knew no sin ; that we might be made the Righteousness of 
 God in him. I remember, also, that one day as I was sitting in 
 
 a Neighbour's House, and there very sad at the consideration 
 of my many blasphemies, and as I was saying in my mind, 20 
 What ground have I to think that I, who have been so vile and 
 abominable, should ever inherit Eternal Life ? that word came 
 suddenly upon me, What shall we then say to these things ? If 
 God be for us, who can be against us ? 4 That, also, was an help 
 unto me, Because L live, ye shall live also. 5 But these were but 25 
 hints, touches, and short visits, though very sweet when present ; 
 only they lasted not ; but, like to Peter's Sheet, of a sudden were 
 caught up from me to Heaven again. 6 
 
 114. But afterwards the Lord did more fully and graciously 
 discover himself unto me ; and, indeed, did quite, not only 30 
 deliver me from the guilt that, by these things, was laid upon 
 my Conscience, but also from the very filth thereof; for the 
 
 1 Deut. 22. 27. 3 j er . 3. 4, 5. 5 j h n 14. 19. 
 
 2 Rom. 8. 38, 39. 4 Rom. S. 31. 6 Acts 10. 16. 
 
42 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 temptation was removed, and I was put into my right Mind 
 again, as other Christians were. 
 
 115. I remember that one day, as I was travelling into the 
 Country and musing on the wickedness and blasphemy of my 
 
 5 Heart, and considering of the enmity that was in me to God, 
 that scripture came in my mind, He hath made peace by the 
 Blood of his Cross} By which I was made to see, both 
 again, and again, and again, that day, that God and my 
 soul were Friends by this Blood ; yea, I saw that the Justice 
 10 of God and my sinful Soul could embrace and kiss each other 
 through this Blood. This was a good day to me ; I hope I shall 
 not forget it. 
 
 116. At another time, as I sat by the fire in my House, and 
 musing on my wretchedness, the Lord made that also a precious 
 
 15 word unto me, Forasmuch, then, as the Children are partakers 
 of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same ; 
 that through death he might destroy him that had the power of 
 death, that is, the Devil, and deliver them who, through fear of 
 death, were all their lifetime subject to bondage} I thought that 
 
 20 the glory of these words was then so weighty on me that I was, 
 both once and twice, ready to swoon as I sat ; yet not with 
 grief and trouble, but with solid joy and peace. 
 
 117. At this time, also, I sat under the ministry of holy 
 Mr. Gifford, whose Doctrine, by God's Grace, was much for 
 
 25 my stability. This man made it much his business to deliver 
 the People of God from all those false and unsound rests that, 
 by nature, we are prone to take and make to our souls. He 
 would bid us take special heed that we took not up any truth 
 upon trust, as from this, or that, or any other man or men, but 
 
 30 to cry mightily to God that he would convince us of the reality 
 
 thereof, and set us down therein, by his own Spirit, in the Holy 
 
 Word. For, said he, if you do otherwise when temptations come, 
 
 if strongly, you, not having received them with evidence from 
 
 1 Col. 1. 20. 2 Heb. 2. 14, 15. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 43 
 
 heaven, will find you want that help and strength now to resist 
 as once you thought you had. 
 
 118. This was as seasonable to my Soul as the former and 
 latter Rain in their season ; for I had found, and that by sad 
 experience, the truth of these his words ; for I had felt no man 5 
 can say, especially when tempted by the Devil, that Jesus Christ 
 
 is Lord but by the Holy Ghost. Wherefore I found my Soul, 
 through Grace, very apt to drink in this Doctrine, and to incline 
 to pray to God that, in nothing that pertained to God's glory 
 and my own eternal happiness, he would suffer me to be with- 10 
 out the confirmation thereof from Heaven ; for now I saw 
 clearly there was an exceeding difference betwixt the notions of 
 flesh and blood, and the Revelations of God in Heaven ; also, a 
 great difference between that Faith that is feigned, and accord- 
 ing to Man's Wisdom, and of that which comes by a Man's 15 
 being born thereto of God. 1 
 
 119. But, oh ! now, how was my Soul led from truth to truth 
 by God ! Even from the Birth and Cradle of the Son of God 
 to his Ascension and Second Coming from Heaven to judge 
 the world. 20 
 
 120. Truly, I then found, upon this account, the great God 
 was very good unto me ; for, to my remembrance, there was 
 not anything that I then cried unto God to make known and 
 reveal unto me but he was pleased to do it for me ; I mean 
 not one part of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus, but I was orderly 25 
 led into it. Methought I saw with great evidence, from the re- 
 lation of the four Evangelists, the wonderful work of God, in 
 giving Jesus Christ to save us, from his Conception and Birth 
 even to his Second Coming to Judgment. Methought I was as 
 
 if I had seen him born, as if I had seen him grow up, as if I 30 
 had seen him walk through this World, from the Cradle to his 
 Cross ; to which, also, when he came, I saw how gently he gave 
 himself to be hanged and nailed on it for my sins and wicked 
 
 1 Matt. 16. 15-17 ; 1 John 5. 1. 
 
44 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 doings. Also, as I was musing on this, his progress, that 
 dropped on my spirit, He was ordained for the slaughter} 
 
 121. When I have considered also the truth of his resurrec- 
 tion, and have remembered that word, Touch me not, Mary, 2 
 
 5 &c, I have seen as if he leaped at the Grave's mouth for joy 
 that he was risen again, and had got the conquest over our 
 dreadful foes. I have also, in the Spirit, seen him a Man on 
 the Right Hand of God the Father for me ; and have seen the 
 manner of his coming from Heaven to judge the World with 
 io Glory, and have been confirmed in these things by these Scrip- 
 tures following, Acts i. 9, 10; vii. 56; x. 42. 1 Thessalonians 
 iv. 17, 18. Hebrews vii. 24; viii. 3. Revelations i. 18. 
 
 122. Once I was much troubled to know whether the Lord 
 Jesus was both Man as well as God, and God as well as Man ; 
 
 15 and truly, in those days, let men say what they would, unless 
 I had it with evidence from Heaven, all was as nothing to me, 
 I counted not myself set down in any truth of God. Well, I 
 was much troubled about this point, and could not tell how to 
 be resolved ; at last, that in the fifth of the Revelations came 
 
 20 into my mind, And I beheld, and Io, in the midst of the throne 
 and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the Elders stood a 
 Lamb. In the midst of the Throne, thought I, there is his 
 Godhead : in the midst of the Elders, there is his manhood ; 
 but oh ! methought this did glister ! it was a goodly touch, and 
 
 25 gave me sweet satisfaction. That other scripture also did help 
 me much in this, To us a Child is born, to us a Son is given ; 
 and the Government shall be upon his shoulder : and his Name 
 shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The 
 everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, &c. 3 
 
 30 123. Also, besides these teachings of God in his Word, the 
 Lord made use of two things to confirm me in these things; 
 the one was the errors of the Quakers, and the other was the 
 Guilt of Sin ; for as the Quakers did oppose this Truth, so God 
 
 1 1 Pet. 1. 19, 20. 2 John 20. 17. 3 Isa. 9. 6. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 45 
 
 did the more confirm me in it, by leading me into the Scriptures 
 that did wonderfully maintain it. 
 
 124. The errors that this people then maintained were, 
 
 1. That the holy Scriptures were not the Word of God. 
 
 2. That every man in the world had the Spirit of Christ, 5 
 Grace, Faith, &c. 3. That Christ Jesus, as crucified, and dying 
 1600 years ago, did not satisfy Divine Justice for the sins of 
 His People. 4. That Christ's Flesh and Blood was within the 
 Saints. 5. That the bodies of the Good and Bad that are 
 buried in the Churchyard shall not arise again. 6. That the 10 
 Resurrection is past with good Men already. 7 . That that Man 
 Jesus, that was crucified between two Thieves on Mount Cal- 
 vary, in the land of Canaan, by Jerusalem, was not ascended 
 up above the starry Heavens. 8. That he should not, even the 
 same Jesus that died by the hands of the Jews, come again at 1 5 
 the last day, and as man judge all Nations, &c. 
 
 125. Many more vile and abominable things were in those 
 days fomented by them, by which I was driven to a more 
 narrow search of the Scripture, and was, through their light 
 and testimony, not only enlightened, but greatly confirmed and 20 
 comforted in the truth ; and, as I said, the guilt of sin did help 
 me much, for still as that would come upon me, the Blood of 
 Christ did take it off again, and again, and again, and that too, 
 sweetly, according to the Scriptures. O Friends ! cry to God to 
 reveal Jesus Christ unto you ; there is none teacheth like him. 25 
 
 126. It would be too long here to stay, to tell you in par- 
 ticular how God did set me down in all the things of Christ, 
 and how he did, that he might so do, lead me into his words ; 
 yea, and also how he did open them unto me, make them shine 
 before me, and cause them to dwell with me, talk with me, and 30 
 comfort me over and over, both of his own Being, and the 
 Being of his Son, and Spirit, and Word, and Gospel. 
 
 127. Only this, as I said before I will say unto you again, that 
 in general he was pleased to take this course with me. First, 
 
46 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 to suffer me to be afflicted with temptation concerning them, 
 and then reveal them to me : as sometimes I should lie under 
 great guilt for sin, even crushed to the ground therewith, and 
 then the Lord would show me the death of Christ ; yea, 
 5 and so sprinkle my Conscience with his Blood, that I should 
 find, and that before I was aware, that in that Conscience 
 where but just now did reign and rage the Law, even there 
 would rest and abide the peace and love of God through Christ. 
 
 128. Now had I an evidence, as I thought, of my Salvation 
 10 from Heaven, with many golden Seals thereon, all hanging in 
 
 my sight ; now could I remember this manifestation and the 
 other discovery of Grace, with comfort ; and should often long 
 and desire that the last day were come, that I might for ever 
 be inflamed with the sight, and joy, and communion with him 
 
 1 5 whose Head was crowned with thorns, whose Face was spit on, 
 and Body broken, and Soul made an offering for my sins : for 
 whereas, before, I lay continually trembling at the mouth of 
 Hell, now methought I was got so far therefrom that I could 
 not, when I looked back, scarce discern it ; and, oh ! thought I, 
 
 20 that I were Fourscore Years old now, that I might die quickly, 
 that my Soul might be gone to rest. 
 
 129. But before I had got thus far out of these my Temp- 
 tations, I did greatly long to see some ancient godly Man's 
 experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was 
 
 25 born ; for those who had writ in our days, I thought, (but I 
 desire them now to pardon me,) that they had writ only that 
 which others felt, or else had, through the strength of their Wits 
 and Parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived 
 others were perplexed with, without going down themselves into 
 
 30 the deep. Well, after many such longings in my mind, the God 
 in whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my 
 hand, one day, a Book of Marti?i Luther ; it was his Comment 
 on the Galatians — it also was so old that it was ready to fall 
 piece from piece if I did but turn it over. Now I was pleased 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 47 
 
 much that such an old Book had fallen into my hands ; the 
 which, when I had but a little way perused, I found my condi- 
 tion, in his experience, so largely and profoundly handled, as if 
 his Book had been written out of my heart. This made me 
 marvel ; for thus thought I, This Man could not know anything 5 
 of the state of Christians 7107a, but must needs write and speak 
 the experie?ice of former days. 
 
 130. Besides he doth most gravely also in that Book, debate 
 of the rise of these temptations, namely, Blasphemy, Desperation, 
 and the like ; showing that the Law of Moses as well as the 10 
 Devil, Death, and Hell hath a very great hand therein. The 
 which, at first, was very strange to me ; but considering and 
 watching, I found it so indeed. But of particulars here I intend 
 nothing ; only this, methinks, I must let fall before all men, I do 
 prefer this book of Martin Luther upon the Galatians, (except- 1 5 
 ing the Holy Bible,) before all the Books that ever I have seen, 
 
 as most fit for a wounded Conscience. 
 
 131. And now I found, as I thought, that I loved Christ 
 dearly. Oh ! methought my soul cleaved unto him, my affec- 
 tions cleaved unto him. I felt love to him as hot as Fire ; and 20 
 now, as Job said, I thought I should die in my nest; 1 but I did 
 quickly find that my great Love was but little, and that I, who 
 had, as I thought, such burning love to Jesus Christ, could let 
 him go again for a very trifle. But God can tell how to abase 
 us, and can hide Pride from Man. Quickly after this my love 25 
 was tried to purpose. 
 
 132. For after the Lord had, in this manner, thus graciously 
 delivered me from this great and sore Temptation, and had 
 set me down so sweetly in the Faith of his holy Gospel, and 
 had given me such strong consolation and blessed evidence 30 
 from Heaven touching my interest in his love through Christ ; 
 the Tempter came upon me again, and that with a more 
 grievous and dreadful Temptation than before. 
 
 1 Job 29. 18. 
 
48 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 133. And that was, To sell and part with this most blessed 
 Christ, to exchange him for the things of this life, for anything. 
 The Temptation lay upon me for the space of a year, and did 
 follow me so continually that I was not rid of it one day in a 
 
 5 Month, no, not sometimes one hour in many days together, un- 
 less when I was asleep. 
 
 134. And though, in my judgment, I was persuaded that 
 those who were once effectually in Christ, as I hoped, through 
 his Grace, I had seen myself, could never lose him for ever — 
 
 10 for the land shall not be sold for ever, for the land is mine, 1 saith 
 God, — yet it was a continual vexation to me to think that I 
 should have so much as one such thought within me against a 
 Christ, a Jesus, that had done for me as he had done ; and yet 
 then I had almost none others, but such Blasphemous ones. 
 
 15 135. But it was neither my dislike of the thought, nor yet 
 any desire and endeavour to resist it that in the least did shake 
 or abate the continuation, or force and strength thereof ; for it 
 did always, in almost whatever I thought, intermix itself there- 
 with in such sort that I could neither eat my food, stoop for a 
 
 20 pin, chop a stick, or cast mine eye to look on this or that, but 
 still the temptation would come, Sell Christ for this, or sell 
 Christ for that ; sell him, sell him. 
 
 136. Sometimes it would run in my thoughts, not so little as 
 a hundred times together, Sell him, sell him, sell him ; against 
 
 25 which I may say, for whole hours together, I have been forced 
 to stand as continually leaning and forcing my spirit against it, 
 lest haply, before I were aware, some wicked thought might 
 arise in my heart that might consent thereto ; and sometimes 
 also the Tempter would make me believe I had consented to it, 
 
 30 then should I be as tortured upon a Rack for whole days 
 together. 
 
 137. This Temptation did put me to such scares, lest I 
 should at some times, I say, consent thereto, and be overcome 
 
 1 Lev. 25. 23. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 49 
 
 therewith, that by the very force of my mind, in labouring to 
 gainsay and resist this wickedness, my very body also would be 
 put into action or motion by way of pushing or thrusting with 
 my hands or elbows, still answering as fast as the destroyer 
 said, Sell him ; I will not, 1 will not, I will not, I will not ; no, 5 
 not for thousands, thousands, thousands of Worlds. Thus reckon- 
 ing lest I should, in the midst of these assaults, set too low a 
 value of him, even until I scarce well knew where I was, or 
 how to be composed again. 
 
 138. At these seasons he would not let me eat my food at 10 
 quiet ; but, forsooth, when I was set at the Table at my meat, 
 
 I must go hence to pray ; I must leave my food now, and just 
 now, so counterfeit holy also would this Devil be. When I was 
 thus tempted, I should say in myself, Now I am at my meat, 
 let me make an end. No, said he, you must do it now, or you 1 5 
 will displease God, and despise Christ. Wherefore I was much 
 afflicted with these things ; and because of the sinfulness of my 
 nature, (imagining that these things were impulses from God), 
 I should deny to do it, as if I denied God ; and then should I 
 be as guilty, because I did not obey a temptation of the Devil, 20 
 as if I had broken the Law of God indeed. 
 
 139. But to be brief, one Morning, as I did lie in my bed, 
 I was, as at other times, most fiercely assaulted with this temp- 
 tation, to sell and part with Christ ; the wicked suggestion still 
 running in my mind, Sell him, sell hi?n, sell him, sell him, sell 25 
 him, as fast as a man could speak. Against which also, in my 
 mind, as at other times, I answered, No, no, not for thousands, 
 thousands, thousands, at least twenty times together. But at last, 
 after much striving, even until I was almost out of breath, I felt 
 this thought pass through my heart, Let him go, if he will ! and 30 
 I thought also, that I felt my heart freely consent thereto. Oh, 
 the diligence of Satan ! Oh, the desperateness of man's heart ! 
 
 140. Now was the battle won, and down fell I, as a Bird 
 that is shot from the top of a tree, into great guilt, and fearful 
 
50 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 despair. Thus getting out of my Bed, I went moping into the 
 field ; but God knows, with as heavy a heart as mortal man, I 
 think, could bear ; where, for the space of two hours, I was like 
 a man bereft of life, and as now past all recovery, and bound 
 5 over to eternal punishment. 
 
 141. And withal, that scripture did seize upon my soul, 
 Or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of Meat, sold his 
 birthright ; for ye know, how that afterward, when he would 
 have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for he found no place 
 
 10 of ' repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. 1 
 
 142. Now was I as one bound; I felt myself shut up unto 
 the judgment to come. Nothing now for two years together 
 would abide with me but damnation, and an expectation of 
 damnation. I say, nothing now would abide with me but this, 
 
 1 5 save some few moments for relief, as in the sequel you will see. 
 
 143. These words were to my soul like fetters of brass to 
 my legs, in the continual sound of which I went for several 
 months together. But about ten or eleven o'clock one day, as I 
 was walking under a hedge, (full of sorrow and guilt, God 
 
 20 knows,) and bemoaning myself for this hard hap, that such a 
 thought should arise within me ; suddenly this sentence bolted 
 in upon me, The blood of Ch?ist re?nits all guilt. At this I made 
 a stand in my spirit : with that, this word took hold upon me, 
 The blood of fesus Christ, his Son, cleanseth us front all sin. 2 
 
 25 144. Now I began to conceive peace in my Soul, and 
 methought I saw as if the Tempter did lear and steal away 
 from me, as being ashamed of what he had done. At the same 
 time also I had my sin, and the blood of Christ thus represented 
 to me, that my sin, when compared to the blood of Christ, was 
 
 30 no more to it, than this little clot or stone before me is to this 
 vast and wide field that here I see. This gave me good encour- 
 agement for the space of two or three hours ; in which time 
 also, methought I saw, by faith, the Son of God, as suffering 
 
 1 Heb. 12. 16, 17. 2 1 John 1. 7. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 5 I 
 
 for my sins ; but because it tarried not I therefore sunk in my 
 spirit under exceeding guilt again. 
 
 145. But chiefly by the afore-mentioned scripture, concern- 
 ing Esau's selling of his Birthright; for that Scripture would 
 lie all day long, all the week long, yea, all the year long in my 5 
 mind, and hold me down, so that I could by no means lift up 
 myself. For when I would strive to turn me to this Scripture, 
 
 or that, for relief, still that sentence would be sounding in me, 
 For ye know, how that afterward, when he would have inherited 
 the blessing he found no place of repentance, though he sought it 10 
 carefully with tears. 
 
 146. Sometimes also, I should have a touch from that in 
 I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not ; x but it would not 
 abide upon me ; neither could I indeed, when I considered my . 
 state, find ground to conceive in the least, that there should be 15 
 the root of that Grace within me, having sinned as I had done. 
 Now was I tore and rent in heavy case, for many days together. 
 
 147. Then began I with sad and careful heart, to consider 
 of the nature and largeness of my sin, and to search in the 
 Word of God, if I could in any place espy a word of promise, 20 
 or any encouraging sentence by which I might take relief. 
 Wherefore I began to consider that third of Mark, Alt manner 
 of sins and blasphemies shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, 
 7vherewithsoever they shall blaspheme. 2 Which place, methought, 
 
 at a blush, did contain a large and glorious Promise, for the 25 
 pardon of high offences ; but considering the place more fully, 
 I thought it was rather to be understood as relating more chiefly 
 to those who had, while in a natural estate, committed such 
 things as there are mentioned ; but not to me, who had not only 
 received Light and Mercy, but that had, both after, and also 30 
 contrary to that, so slighted Christ as I had done. 
 
 148. I feared therefore that this wicked sin of mine, might 
 be that sin unpardonable, of which he there thus speaketh. 
 
 1 Luke 22. 32. 2 Mark 3. 28, 29. 
 
52 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 But he that shall blasphe??ie against the Holy Ghost hath never 
 forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation} And I did 
 the rather give credit to this, because of that sentence in the 
 Hebrews, For ye know, how that afterward, when he would 
 5 have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for he found no place 
 of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. And this 
 stuck always with me. 
 
 149. And now was I both a burthen and terror to myself; 
 nor did I ever so know, as now, what it was to be weary of my 
 
 10 life, and yet afraid to die. Oh, how gladly now would I have 
 been anybody but myself ! Anything but a man ! and in any 
 condition but mine own ! for there was nothing did pass more 
 frequently over my mind, than that it was impossible for me 
 to be forgiven my transgression, and to be saved from wrath 
 
 15 to come. 
 
 150. And now began I to labour to call again time that was 
 past ; wishing a thousand times twice told, that the day was yet 
 to come, when I should be tempted to such a sin ! concluding 
 with great indignation, both against my heart, and all assaults, 
 
 20 how I would rather have been torn in pieces, than found a con- 
 senter thereto. But, alas ! these thoughts, and wishings, and 
 resolvings, were now too late to help me ; the thought had passed 
 my heart ; God hath let me go, and I am fallen. Oh ! thought 
 I, that it was with me as in months past, as in the days when 
 
 2 5 God preserved me ! 2 
 
 151. Then again, being loth and unwilling to perish, I began 
 to compare my sin with others, to see if I could find that any of 
 those that were saved had done as I had done. So I considered 
 David's Adultery and Murder, and found them most heinous 
 
 30 crimes ; and those too committed after Light and Grace received. 
 But yet by considering, I perceived that his transgressions were 
 only such as were against the Law of Moses ; from which the 
 Lord Christ could, with the consent of his Word, deliver him. 
 
 1 Mark 3. 29. 2 Job 29. 2. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 53 
 
 But mine was against the Gospel ; yea, against the Mediator 
 thereof ; I had sold my Saviour. 
 
 152. Now again should I be as if racked upon the wheel, 
 when I considered, that, besides the guilt that possessed me, I 
 should be so void of Grace, so bewitched. What, thought I, 5 
 must it be no sin but this ? Must it needs be the great trans- 
 gression ? 1 Must that wicked one touch my soul ? 2 Oh, what 
 stings did I find in all these sentences ! 
 
 153. What, thought I, is there but one sin that is unpardon- 
 able ? But one sin that layeth the soul without the reach of God's 10 
 mercy ; and must I be guilty of that ? Must it needs be that ? 
 
 Is there but one sin among so many millions of sins, for which 
 there is no forgiveness ; and must / commit this ? Oh, unhappy 
 sin ! Oh, unhappy Man ! These things would so break and 
 confound my spirit, that I could not tell what to do ; I thought, 1 5 
 at times, they would have broke my wits ; and still, to aggravate 
 my misery, that would run in my mind, Ye know how that after- 
 ward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected. 
 Oh ! none knows the terrors of those days but myself. 
 
 154. After this I came to consider of Peter's sin, which he 20 
 committed in denying his Master ; and indeed, this came nighest 
 
 to mine of any that I could find ; for he had denied his Saviour, 
 as I, and that after Light and Mercy received ; yea, and that 
 too, after Warning given him. I also considered, that he did it 
 both once and twice ; and that, after time to consider betwixt. 25 
 But though I put all these circumstances together, that, if pos- 
 sible, I might find help, yet I considered again, that his was 
 but a denial of his Master, but mine was a selling of my Saviour. 
 Wherefore I thought with myself, that I came nearer to fudas, 
 than either to David or Peter. 30 
 
 155. Here again my torment would flame out and afflict me ; 
 yea, it would grind me, as it were, to powder, to discern the 
 preservation of God towards others, while I fell into the snare ; 
 
 1 Ps. 19. 13. 2 1 John 5. iS. 
 
54 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 for in my thus considering of other men's sins, and comparing 
 of them with my own, I could evidently see how God preserved 
 them, notwithstanding their wickedness, and would not let them, 
 as he had let me, to become a Son of Perdition. 
 5 156. But oh, how did my Soul, at this time, prize the pres- 
 ervation that God did set about his people ! Ah, how safely 
 did I see them walk, whom God had hedged in ! They were 
 within his Care, Protection, and Special Providence, though they 
 were full as bad as I by Nature ; yet because he loved them, 
 
 10 he would not suffer them to fall without the range of Mercy ; but 
 as for me, I was gone, I had done it ; he would not preserve 
 me, nor keep me ; but suffered me, because I was a Reprobate, 
 to fall as I had done. Now, did those blessed places, that spake 
 of God's keeping his People, shine like the Sun before me, though 
 
 1 5 not to comfort me, but to show me the blessed state and heritage 
 of those whom the Lord had blessed. 
 
 157. Now I saw, that as God had his hand in all providences 
 and dispensations that overtook his Elect, so he had his hand in 
 all the Temptations that they had to sin against him, not to 
 
 20 animate them unto Wickedness, but to choose their Temptations 
 and Troubles for them ; and also to leave them, for a time, to 
 such Sins only as might not destroy, but humble them ; as might 
 not put them beyond, but lay them in the way of the renewing 
 of his Mercy. But oh, what Love, what Care, what Kindness 
 
 25 and Mercy did I now see, mixing itself with the most severe 
 and dreadful of all God's ways to his people ! He would let 
 David, Hezekiah, Solomon, Peter, and others fall, but he would 
 not let them fall into sin unpardonable, nor into Hell for Sin. 
 Oh ! thought I, these be the Men that God hath loved ; these 
 
 30 be the Men that God, though he chastiseth them, keeps them 
 in safety by him, and them whom he makes to abide under the 
 shadow of the Almighty. But all these thoughts added sorrow, 
 grief, and horror to me, as whatever I now thought on, it was 
 killing to me. If I thought how God kept his own, that was 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 55 
 
 killing to me. If I thought of how I was falling myself, that 
 was killing to me. As all things wrought together for the best, 
 and to do good to them that were called, according to his pur- 
 pose ; so I thought that all things wrought for my damage, and 
 for my eternal overthrow. 5 
 
 158. Then, again, I began to compare my sin with the sin 
 of Judas, that, if possible, I might find that mine differed from 
 that which, in truth, is unpardonable. And, oh ! thought I, if it 
 should differ from it, though but the breadth of an hair, what 
 
 a happy condition is my Soul in ! And, by considering, I found 10 
 that Judas did his intentionally, but mine was against my prayer 
 and strivings ; besides, his was committed with much deliberation, 
 but mine in a fearful hurry, on a sudden; all this while I was 
 tossed to and fro, like the Locusts, and driven from trouble to 
 sorrow ; hearing always the sound of Esau's fall in mine ears, 1 5 
 and of the dreadful consequences thereof. 
 
 159. Yet this consideration about Judas, his sin was, for a 
 while, some little relief unto me ; for I saw I had not, as to the 
 circumstances, transgressed so foully as he. But this was quickly 
 gone again, for, I thought with myself, there might be more 20 
 ways than one to commit the unpardonable sin ; also I thought 
 that there might be degrees of that, as well as of other trans- 
 gressions ; wherefore, for ought I yet could perceive, this iniquity 
 
 of mine might be such, as might never be passed by. 
 
 160. I was often now ashamed, that I should be like such 25 
 an ugly man as Judas. I thought, also, how loathsome I should 
 be unto all the saints at the Day of Judgment ; insomuch, that 
 now I could scarce see a good man, that I believed had a good 
 Conscience, but I should feel my heart tremble at him, while 
 
 I was in his presence. Oh ! now I saw a glory in walking 30 
 with God, and what a mercy it was to have a good Conscience 
 before him. 
 
 161. I was much about this time tempted to content myself 
 by receiving some false Opinion ; as that there should be no 
 
56 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 such thing as a Day of Judgment, that we should not rise again, 
 and that Sin was no such grievous thing ; the Tempter suggest- 
 ing thus, For if these things should indeed be true, yet to believe 
 otherwise, would yield you ease for the present. If you must perish, 
 5 never to?'ment yourself so much before hand ; drive the thoughts 
 of damning out of your mind, by possessing your mind with 
 some such conclusions that Atheists and Ranters do use to 
 help themselves withal. 
 
 162. But, oh ! when such thoughts have led through my heart, 
 10 how, as it were, within a step, hath Death and Judgment been 
 
 in my view ! Methought the Judge stood at the door, I was as 
 if it was come already ; so that such things could have no enter- 
 tainment. But, methinks, I see by this, that Satan will use any 
 means to keep the Soul from Christ ; he loveth not an awakened 
 1 5 frame of spirit ; security, blindness, darkness, and error is the 
 very kingdom and habitation of the wicked one. 
 
 163. I found it hard work now to pray to God, because de- 
 spair was swallowing me up ; I thought I was, as with a tempest, 
 driven away from God, for always when I cried to God for 
 
 20 mercy, this would come in, 'Tis too late, I am lost, God hath let 
 me fall ; not to my correction, but conde7nnation ; my sin is unpar- 
 donable ; and I know, concerning Esau, how that, after he had 
 sold his birthright, he would have received the blessing, but was 
 rejected. About this time, I did light on that dreadful story of that 
 
 25 miserable mortal, Francis Spira ; a Book that was to my troubled 
 spirit as salt when rubbed into a 'fresh wound; every sentence 
 in that Book, every groan of that Man, with all the rest of his 
 actions in his dolours, as his tears, his prayers, his gnashing of 
 teeth, his wringing of hands, his twining and twisting, languish- 
 
 30 ing and pining away under that mighty hand of God that was 
 upon him, was as knives and daggers in my soul ; especially that 
 sentence of his was frightful to me, Man knows the beginning 
 of sitt, but who bounds the issues thereof? Then would the former 
 sentence, as the conclusion of all, fall like a hot thunderbolt 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 57 
 
 again upon my conscience; for you know how that afterward, 
 when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for 
 he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully 
 with tears. 
 
 164. Then was I struck into a very great trembling, insomuch 5 
 that at sometimes I could, for whole days together, feel my very 
 body, as well as my mind, to shake and totter under the sense 
 
 of the dreadful judgment of God, that should fall on those that 
 have sinned that most fearful and unpardonable sin. I felt also 
 such a clogging and heat at my stomach, by reason of this my 10 
 terror, that I was, especially at sometimes, as if my breast bone 
 would have split asunder. Then I thought of that concerning 
 fudas, who, by his falling headlong, burst asunder, and all his 
 bowels gushed out. 1 
 
 165. I feared also that this was the mark that the Lord did 15 
 set on Cain, even continual fear and trembling, under the heavy 
 load of guilt that he had charged on him for the blood of his 
 brother Abel. Thus did I wind, and twine, and shrink, under 
 the burthen that was upon me; which burthen also did so op- 
 press me, that I could neither stand, nor go, nor lie, either at 20 
 rest or quiet. 
 
 166. Yet that saying would sometimes come to my mind, He 
 hath received gifts for the rebellious? The rebellious, thought I ; 
 why, surely they are such as once were under subjection to their 
 prince, even those who, after they have sworn subjection to his 25 
 Government, have taken up Arms against him ; and this, thought 
 
 I, is my very condition ; once I loved him, feared him, served him; 
 but now I am a rebel ; I have sold him, I have said, Let him go 
 if he will ; but yet he has gifts for rebels, a?idthen why not forme ? 
 
 167. This sometimes I thought on, and should labour to take 30 
 hold thereof, that some, though small, refreshment might have 
 been conceived by me ; but in this also I missed of my desire, I 
 was driven with force beyond it, I was like a Man that is going 
 
 1 Acts 1. iS. 2 p s> 68. 18. 
 
58 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 to execution, even by that place where he would fain creep in and 
 hide himself, but may not. 
 
 1 68. Again, after I had thus considered the sins of the Saints 
 in particular, and found mine went beyond them, then I began 
 
 5 to think thus with myself : Set the case I should put all theirs 
 together, and mine alone against them, might I not then find some 
 Encouragement ? For if mine, though bigger than any one, yet 
 should but be equal to all, the?i there is hopes ; for that blood that 
 hath virtue enough in it to wash away all theirs, hath also virtue 
 
 io enough in it to do away mine, though this one be full as big, if 
 no bigger, than all theirs. Here, again, I should consider the 
 sin of David, of Solomon, of Manasseh, of Peter, and the rest 
 of the great offenders ; and should also labour, what I might 
 with fairness, to aggravate and heighten their sins by several 
 
 15 circumstances : but, alas ! it was all in vain. 
 
 169. I should think with myself that David shed blood to 
 cover his Adultery, and that by the sword of the children of 
 Ammon ; a work that could not be done but by continuance and 
 deliberate contrivance, which was a great aggravation to his sin. 
 
 20 But then this would turn upon me : Ah ! but these were but sins 
 against the Law, from which there was a Jesus sent to save them ; 
 but yours is a sin against the Saviour, and who shall save you 
 from that ? 
 
 170. Then I thought on Solomon, and how he sinned in loving 
 25 strange Women, in falling away to their Idols, in building them 
 
 Temples, in doing this after light, in his old Age, after great 
 mercy received ; but the same conclusion that cut me off in the 
 former consideration, cut me off as to this ; namely, that all those 
 were but sins against the Law, for which God had provided a 
 30 remedy ; but I had sold my Saviour, and there now remained 
 no more sacrifice for sin. 
 
 171. I would then add to those men's sins, the sins of Ma- 
 nasseh, how that he built Altars for Idols in the House of the 
 Lord ; he also observed times, used enchantment, had to do with 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 59 
 
 Wizards, was a Wizard, had his familiar Spirits, burned his 
 Children in the Fire in Sacrifice to Devils, and made the 
 Streets of Jerusalei7i run down with the blood of Innocents. 
 These, thought I, are great sins, sins of a bloody colour ; yea, 
 it would turn again upon me : They are none of them of the 5 
 nature of yours ; you have parted with fesus, you have sold your 
 Saviour. 
 
 172. This one consideration would always kill my heart, My 
 sin was point blank against my Saviour; and that too, at that 
 height, that I had in my heart said of him, Let him go if he will. 10 
 Oh ! methought, this sin was bigger than the sins of a Country, 
 
 of a Kingdom, or of the whole World, no one pardonable, nor 
 all of them together, was able to equal mine ; mine outwent 
 them every one. 
 
 173. Now I should find my mind to flee from God, as from 15 
 the face of a dreadful judge ; yet this was my torment, I could 
 not escape his hand : It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands 
 of the living God. 1 But blessed be his Grace, that scripture, in 
 these flying sins, would call as running after me, / have blotted 
 out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions ; and, as a cloud, thy sins : 20 
 return unto me, for I have redeemed thee? This, I say, would come 
 
 in upon my mind, when I was fleeing from the face of God ; 
 for I did flee from his face, that is, my mind and spirit fled 
 before him ; by reason of his highness, I could not endure ; then 
 would the text cry, Return unto me ; it would cry aloud with a 25 
 very great voice, Return unto me, for I have redeemed thee. In- 
 deed, this would make me make a little stop, and, as it were, 
 look over my shoulder behind me, to see if I could discern that 
 the God of grace did follow me with a pardon in his hand, but 
 I could no sooner do that, but all would be clouded and darkened 30 
 again by that sentence, For you know how that afterwards, when 
 he would have inherited the blessing, he found 710 place of repent- 
 ance, though he sought it carefully with tears. Wherefore I could 
 
 1 Heb. 10. 31. 2 Isa. 44. 22. 
 
60 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 • 
 not return, but fled, though at sometimes it cried, Return; return, 
 as if it did holloa after me. But I feared to close in therewith, 
 lest it should not come from God ; for that other, as I said, was 
 still sounding in my conscience, For you know how that after- 
 5 wards, when he woidd have inherited the blessing, he was 
 rejected, &°c. 
 
 174. Once as I was walking to and fro in a good man's 
 shop, bemoaning of myself in my sad and doleful state, afflicting 
 myself with self-abhorrence for this wicked and ungodly thought; 
 
 10 lamenting, also, this hard hap of mine, for that I should commit 
 so great a sin, greatly fearing I should not be pardoned ; pray- 
 ing, also, in my heart, that if this sin of mine did differ from 
 that against the Holy Ghost, the Lord would show it me ; and 
 being now ready to sink with fear, suddenly there was, as if there 
 
 15 had rushed in at the Window the Noise of wind upon me, but 
 very pleasant, and as if I heard a voice speaking, Didst ever 
 refuse to be justified by the Blood of Christ ? And, withal my 
 whole life and profession past was, in a moment, opened to me, 
 wherein I was made to see that designedly I had not ; so my 
 
 20 heart answered groaningly, No. Then fell, with power, that 
 Word of God upon me, See that ye refuse not him that speaketh} 
 This made a strange seizure upon my spirit; it brought light 
 with it, and commanded a silence in my heart of all those tumul- 
 tuous thoughts that before did use, like masterless Hell-hounds, 
 
 25 to roar and bellow, and make a hideous noise within me. It 
 showed me, also, that Jesus Christ had yet a word of Grace and 
 Mercy for me, that he had not, as I had feared, quite forsaken 
 and cast off my Soul ; yea, this was a kind of a chide for my 
 proneness to desperation ; a kind of a threatening me if I did 
 
 30 not, notwithstanding my sins and the heinousness of them, 
 
 venture my Salvation upon the Son of God. But as to my 
 
 determining about this strange dispensation, what it was I knew 
 
 not ; or from whence it came I know not. I have not yet, in 
 
 1 Heb. 12. 25. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 6 1 
 
 twenty years' time, been able to make a judgment of it ; I 
 thought then what here I shall be loth to speak. But verily, that 
 sudden rushing wind was as if an Angel had come upon me ; 
 but both it and the Salutation I will leave until the Day of Judg- 
 ment ; only this I say, it commanded a great calm in my Soul ; 5 
 it persuaded me there might be hope ; it showed me, as I 
 thought, what the sin unpardonable was, and that my Soul had 
 yet the blessed privilege to flee to Jesus Christ for Mercy. But, 
 I say, concerning this dispensation, I know not what yet to say 
 unto it ; which was, also, in truth, the cause that, at first, I did 10 
 not speak of it in the Book. I do now, also, leave it to be 
 thought on by men of sound judgment. I lay not the stress of 
 my Salvation thereupon, but upon the Lord Jesus, in the promise ; 
 yet, seeing I am here unfolding of my secret things, I thought 
 it might not be altogether inexpedient to let this also show itself, 1 5 
 though I cannot now relate the matter as there I did experience 
 it. This lasted, in the savour of it, for about three or four days, 
 and then I began to mistrust and to despair again. 
 
 175. Wherefore, still my life hung in doubt before me, not 
 knowing which way I should tip ; only this I found my Soul's 20 
 desire, even to cast itself at the foot of Grace, by Prayer and 
 Supplication. But, oh ! 'T was hard for me now to bear the Face 
 to pray to this Christ for mercy, against whom I had thus most 
 vilely sinned. 'T was hard work, I say, to offer to look him in 
 the face against whom I had so vilely sinned ; and, indeed, I have 25 
 found it as difficult to come to God by prayer, after backsliding 
 from him, as to do any other thing. Oh, the shame that did now 
 attend me ! especially when I thought I am now a-going to pray 
 to him for mercy that I had so lightly esteemed but a while 
 before ! I was ashamed, yea, even confounded, because • this 30 
 villany had been committed by me; but I saw there was but 
 one way with me, I must go to him and humble myself unto 
 him, and beg that he, of his wonderful Mercy, would show pity 
 to me, and have Mercy upon my wretched sinful Soul. 
 
62 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 176. Which, when the Tempter perceived, he strongly sug- 
 gested to me, That I ought not to pray to God ; for prayer was 
 not for any in my case, neither could it do me good, because I had 
 rejected the Mediator, by whom all prayer came with acceptance to 
 
 5 God the Father, and without whom no prayer could come into his 
 presence. Wherefore, now to pray is but to add sin to sin ; yea, 
 now to pray, seeing God has cast you off, is the next way to anger 
 and offend him more than you ever did before. 
 
 177. For God, saith he, hath been weary of you for these sev- 
 10 eral years already, because you are none of his ; your bawlings in 
 
 his ears hath been no pleasant voice to him ; and, therefore, he let 
 you sin this shi, that you might be quite cut off ; and will you 
 pray still ? This the Devil urged, and set forth that, in Numbers} 
 when Moses said to the children of Israel, That because they 
 1 5 would not go up to possess the land when God would have them, 
 therefore, for ever after, God did bar them out from thence, though 
 they prayed, they might with tears. 
 
 178. As it is said in another place, the man that sins presump- 
 tuously shall be taken from God's Altar that he may die; 2 even 
 
 20 as foab was by King Solomon, 3 when he thought to find shelter 
 there, &c. These places did pinch me very sore ; yet, my case 
 being desperate, I thought with myself I can but die ; and if it 
 must be so it shall once be said, that such an one died at the foot 
 of Christ in Prayer. This I did, but with great difficulty, God 
 
 25 doth know ; and that because, together with this, still that saying 
 about Esau would be set at my heart, even like a flaming Sword 
 to keep the way of the Tree of Life, lest I should taste thereof 
 and live. Oh ! who knows how hard a thing I found it to come 
 to God in prayer. 
 
 30 179. I did also desire the prayers of the people of God for 
 
 me, but I feared that God would give them no heart to do it ; 
 
 yea, I trembled in my soul to think that some or other of them 
 
 would shortly tell me, that God had said those words to them 
 
 1 Num. 14. 36, yj, &c. 2 Ex. 21. 14. 3 1 Kings 2. 28. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 63 
 
 that he once did say to the prophet concerning the children of 
 Israel, Pray not thou for this people, for I have rejected them} 
 So, pray not for him, for I have rejected him. Yea, I thought that 
 he had whispered this to some of them already, only they durst 
 not tell me so, neither durst I ask them of it, for fear, if it should 5 
 be so, it would make me quite besides myself. Man knows the 
 begi7ining of sin, said Spira, but who bounds the issues thereof? 
 
 180. About this time I took an opportunity to break my mind 
 to an ancient Christian, and told him all my case. I told him, 
 also, that I was afraid that I had sinned the sin against the 10 
 Holy Ghost ; and he told me He thought so too. Here, therefore, 
 
 I had but cold comfort ; but, talking a little more with him, I 
 found him, though a good man, a stranger to much combat with 
 the Devil. Wherefore, I went to God again, as well as I could, 
 for mercy still. 1 5 
 
 181. Now, also, did the Tempter begin to mock me in my 
 misery, saying, That, seeing I had thus parted with the Lord 
 fesus, and provoked him to displeasure who would have stood 
 between my Soul and the flame of devouring fi?-e, there was now 
 but one way, and that was, To pray that God the Father would 20 
 be the Mediator betwixt his Son and ?ne, that we might be recon- 
 ciled again, and that I might have that blessed benefit in him that 
 his blessed Saints e?ijoyed. 
 
 182. Then did that Scripture seize upon my soul, He is of 
 one mind, and who can turn him ? Oh ! I saw 't was as easy to 25 
 persuade him to make a new World, a new Covenant, or new 
 Bible, besides that we have already, as to pray for such a thing. 
 This was to persuade him that what he had done already was 
 mere folly, and persuade him to alter, yea, to disannul, the whole 
 way of Salvation ; and then would that saying rent my soul 30 
 asunder, Neither is there salvation in any other ; for there is none 
 other name under heaven, given amo?ig men, whereby we must 
 
 be saved. 2 
 
 1 Jer. 11. 14. 2 Acts 4. 12. 
 
64 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 183. Now, the most free and full and gracious words of the 
 Gospel were the greatest torment to me ; yea, nothing so afflicted 
 me as the thoughts of Jesus Christ. The remembrance of a 
 Saviour, because I had cast him off, brought forth the villany 
 
 5 of my sin, and my loss by it to mind. Nothing did twinge my 
 Conscience like this. Every time that I thought of the Lord 
 Jesus, of his Grace, Love, Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, 
 Meekness, Death, Blood, Promises and blessed Exhortations, 
 Comforts and Consolations, it went to my Soul like a Sword ; 
 
 10 for still, unto these my considerations of the Lord Jesus, these 
 thoughts would make place for themselves in my heart ; Aye, 
 this is the Jesus, the loving Saviour, the Son of God, whom thou 
 hast parted with, whom you slighted, despised, and abused. This 
 is the only Saviour, the only Redeemer, the only one that could so 
 
 15 love sinners as to wash them from their sins in his own most pre- 
 cious Blood ; but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus, you have 
 put hmifrom you, you have said in your heart, Let him. go if he 
 will. Nozv, therefore, you are servered from him ; you have servered 
 yourself from him. Behold, then, his Goodjiess, but yourself to be 
 
 20 110 partaker of it. Oh, thought I, what have I lost ! What have 
 I parted with ! What have I disinherited my poor Soul of ! Oh ! 
 it is sad to be destroyed by the Grace and Mercy of God ; to 
 have the Lamb, the Saviour, turn Lion and Destroyer. 1 I also 
 trembled, as I have said, at the sight of the Saints of God, 
 
 25 especially at those that greatly loved him, and that made it their 
 business to walk continually with him in this World ; for they 
 did, both in their words, their carriages, and all their expressions 
 of tenderness and fear to sin against their precious Saviour, con- 
 demn, lay guilt upon, and also add continual affliction and shame 
 
 30 unto my soul. The dread of them was upon me, and I trembled 
 at God's Samuels. 2 
 
 184. Now, also, the Tempter began afresh to mock my Soul 
 another way, saying That Christ, indeed, did pity my case, and 
 
 1 Rev. 6. 16. 2 ! Sam. 16. 4. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 65 
 
 was sorry for my loss ; but forasmuch as I had sinned and trans- 
 gressed, as 1 had done, he could by no means help me, ?ior save 
 me from what I feared ; for my sift was not of the nature of theirs 
 for whom he bled a?id died, neither was it coimted with those that 
 were laid to his charge when he hanged on the Tree. Therefore, 5 
 unless he should come down from heaven and die anew for this sin, 
 though, indeed, he did greatly pity me, yet I could have no befiefit 
 of him. These things may seem ridiculous to others, even as 
 ridiculous as they were in themselves, but to me they were most 
 tormenting cogitations ; every of them augmented my misery, 10 
 that Jesus Christ should have so much love as to pity me when 
 he could not help me ; nor did I think that the reason why 
 he could not help me was because his Merits were weak, or 
 his Grace and Salvation, spent on them already, but because his 
 faithfulness to his threatening would not let him extend his 15 
 mercy to me. Besides, I thought, as I have already hinted, that 
 my sin was not within the bounds of that Pardon that was 
 wrapped up in a Promise ; and if not, then I knew assuredly, 
 that it was more easy for Heaven and Earth to pass away than 
 for me to have Eternal Life. So that the ground of all these 20 
 fears of mine did arise from a steadfast belief that I had of 
 the stability of the holy Word of God, and, also, from my being 
 misinformed of the nature of my sin. 
 
 185. But, oh ! how this would add to my affliction, to conceit 
 that I should be guilty of such a sin for which he did not die. 25 
 These thoughts would so confound me, and imprison me, and 
 tie me up from faith, that I knew not what to do. But, oh ! 
 thought I, that he would come down again ! Oh ! that the work 
 of Man's Redemption was yet to be done by Christ! How 
 would I pray him and entreat him to count and reckon this sin 30 
 amongst the rest for which he died ! But this Scripture would 
 strike me down as dead, Christ being raised fro?n the dead dieth 
 no more; death hath no more domi?iion over hi?n} 
 
 1 Rom. 6. 9. 
 
66 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 1 86. Thus, by the strange and unusual assaults of the 
 Tempter, was my Soul, like a broken Vessel, driven as with 
 the Winds, and tossed sometimes headlong into despair, some- 
 times upon the Covenant of Works, and sometimes to wish 
 5 that the new Covenant, and the conditions thereof, might, so far 
 forth as I thought myself concerned, be turned another way 
 and changed. But in all these I was but as those that jostle 
 against the Rocks ; more broken, scattered, and rent. Oh, the 
 unthought of imaginations, frights, fears, and terrors that are 
 
 io affected by a thorough application of guilt, yielded to desperation ! 
 This is the man that hath his dwelling among the tombs with the 
 dead ; that is always crying out and cutting himself 'with stones} 
 But I say, all in vain. Desperation will not comfort him, the old 
 Covenant will not save him ; nay, Heaven and Earth shall pass 
 
 15 away before one jot or title of the Word and Law of Grace shall 
 fail or be removed. This I saw, this I felt, and under this I 
 groaned ; yet this advantage I got thereby, namely, a further 
 confirmation of the certainty of the way of salvation, and that 
 the Scriptures were the Word of God ! Oh ! I cannot now ex- 
 
 20 press what then I saw and felt of the steadiness of Jesus Christ, 
 the Rock of Man's Salvation ; what was done could not be un- 
 done, added to, nor altered. I saw, indeed, that sin might drive 
 the soul beyond Christ, even the sin which is unpardonable ; but 
 woe to him that was so driven, for the Word would shut him out. 
 
 2 5 187. Thus was I always sinking, whatever I did think or do. 
 So one day I walked to a neighbouring Town, and sat down 
 upon a Settle in the Street, and fell into a very deep pause 
 about the most fearful state my sin had brought me to ; and, 
 after long musing, I lifted up my head, but methought I saw as 
 
 30 if the Sun that shineth in the Heavens did grudge to give light, 
 and as if the very stones in the Street, and tiles upon the Houses, 
 did bend themselves against me ; methought that they all com- 
 bined together to banish me out of the World. I was abhorred 
 
 1 Mark 5. 2-5. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 67 
 
 of them, and unfit to dwell among them, or be partaker of their 
 benefits, because I had sinned against the Saviour. O how 
 happy, now, was every creature over I was. For they stood 
 fast and kept their station, but I was gone and lost. 
 
 188. Then breaking out in the bitterness of my soul, I said 5 
 to myself, with a grievous sigh, How can God comfort such a 
 wretch as I? I had no sooner said it but this returned upon 
 me, as an echo doth answer a voice, This sin is not unto death. 
 At which I was as if I had been raised out of a Grave, and 
 cried out again, Lord, how couldest thou Jind out such a word as 10 
 this ? For I was filled with admiration at the fitness, and, also, 
 
 at the unexpectedness of the sentence. The fitness of the Word, 
 the Tightness of the timing of it, the power, and sweetness, and 
 light, and glory that came with it, also, was marvellous to me to 
 find. I was now, for the time, out of doubt as to that about 15 
 which I so much was in doubt before. My fears before were, 
 that my sin was not pardonable, and so that I had no right to 
 pray, to repent, &c, or that if I did, it would be of no advan- 
 tage or profit to me. But now, thought I, if this sin is not unto 
 death, then it is pardonable ; therefore, from this I have en- 20 
 couragement to come to God, by Christ, for mercy ; to consider 
 the promise of forgiveness as that which stands with open 
 arms to receive me, as well as others. This, therefore, was a great 
 easement to my mind ; to wit, that my sin was pardonable, that 
 it was not the sin unto death. 1 None but those that know what 25 
 my trouble, by their own experience, was, can tell what relief 
 came to my Soul by this consideration. It was a release to me 
 from my former bonds, and a shelter from my former storm. I 
 seemed now to stand upon the same ground with other sinners, 
 and to have as good right to the Word and Prayer as any 30 
 of them. 
 
 189. Now, I say, I was in hopes that my sin was not un- 
 pardonable, but that there might be hopes for me to obtain 
 
 1 1 John 5. 16, 17. 
 
68 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 forgiveness. But, oh, how Satan did now lay about him for to 
 bring me down again ! But he could by' no means do it, neither 
 this day nor the most part of the next, for this sentence stood like 
 a mill-post at my back ; yet, towards the evening of the next day, 
 5 I felt this word begin to leave me and to withdraw its suppor- 
 tation from me, and so I returned to my old fears again, but with 
 a great deal of grudging and peevishness, for I feared the sorrow 
 of despair ; nor could my faith now longer retain this word. 
 
 190. But the next day, at evening, being under many fears, 
 10 I went to seek the Lord ; and as I prayed, I cried, and my Soul 
 
 cried to him in these words, with strong cries : O Lord, I beseech 
 thee, show me that thou hast loved me with everlasting love} I 
 had no sooner said it but, with sweetness, this returned upon me, 
 as an echo or sounding-again, I have loved thee with an everlast- 
 1 s ing love. Now I went to bed at quiet ; also, when I awaked the 
 next morning, it was fresh upon my Soul, and I believed it. 
 
 191. But yet the Tempter left me not ; for it could not be so 
 little as an hundred times that he that day did labour to break 
 my peace. Oh ! the combats and conflicts that I did then meet 
 
 20 with as I strove to hold by this word ; that of Esau would fly 
 in my face like to Lightning. I should be sometimes up and 
 down twenty times in an hour, yet God did bear me up and keep 
 my heart upon this word, from which I had also, for several days 
 together, very much sweetness and comfortable hopes of pardon. 
 
 25 For thus it was made out to me, / loved thee whilst thou wast 
 committing this sin, I loved thee before, Hove thee still, and I will 
 love thee for ever. 
 
 192. Yet I saw my sin most barbarous, and a filthy crime, 
 and could not but conclude, and that with great shame and as- 
 
 30 tonishment, that I had horribly abused the holy Son of God. 
 Wherefore I felt my soul greatly to love and pity him, and my 
 bowels to yearn towards him ; for I saw he was still my Friend, 
 and did reward me good for evil ; yea, the love and affection 
 
 1 Jer. 31. 3. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 69 
 
 that then did burn within to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ 
 did work, at this time, such a strong and hot desire of revenge- 
 ment upon myself for the abuse I had done unto him, that, to 
 speak as then I thought, had I had a thousand gallons of blood 
 within my veins, I could freely then have spilt it all at the com- 5 
 mand and feet of this my Lord and Saviour. 
 
 193. And as I was thus in musing and in my studies, consid- 
 ering how to love the Lord and to express my love to him, that 
 saying came in upon me, If thou, lord, shouldest mark iniquities, 
 
 O lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that 10 
 thou mayest be feared} These were good words to me, especially 
 the latter part thereof ; to wit, that there is forgiveness with the 
 Lord, that he might be feared ; that is, as then I understood 
 it, that he might be loved and had in reverence; for it was thus 
 made out to me, That the great God did set so high an esteem 1 5 
 upon the love of his poor Creatures, that rather than he would 
 go without their love he would pardon their transgressions. 
 
 194. And now was that word fulfilled on me, and I was also 
 refreshed by it, Then shall they be ashamed and confounded, and 
 never open their mouth any more because of their shame, when I 20 
 am pacified toward them for all that they have done, saith the 
 lord God} Thus was my Soul at this time (and, as I then did 
 think, for ever) set at liberty from being again afflicted with my 
 former guilt and amazement. 
 
 195. But before many weeks were over I began to despond 25 
 again, fearing lest, notwithstanding all that I had enjoyed, that 
 yet I might be deceived and destroyed at the last ; for this con- 
 sideration came strong into my mind, That whatever comfort and 
 peace I thought I might have from the Word of the promise of 
 life, yet unless there could be found i?i my refreshment a concur- 30 
 re7ice and agreement in the Scriptures, let me think what I will 
 thereof, and hold it never so fast, I should find no such thing at 
 the end ; for the Scriptures cannot be broken} 
 
 1 Ps. 130. 3, 4. 2 Ezek. 16. 63. 3 John 10. 35. 
 
7<D GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 196. Now began my heart again to ake and fear I might meet 
 with disappointment at the last. Wherefore I began, with all 
 seriousness, to examine my former comfort, and to consider 
 whether one that had sinned as I have done might with confi- 
 5 dence trust upon the faithfulness of God, laid down in those 
 words by which I had been comforted and on which I had leaned 
 myself. But now were brought those sayings to my mind, For 
 it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have 
 tasted of the heavefily gift, and were made partakers of the Holy 
 
 10 Ghost, and have tasted the good Word of God, and the Powers 
 of the World to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again 
 into repetttance} For if we sin wilfully after that we have received- 
 the k?iowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for 
 sins, but a certain fearful looking for of fitdgment and fiery indig- 
 
 15 nation, which shall devour the adversaries} Even as Esau, who 
 for o?ie morsel of meat sold his Birthright ; for ye know how that 
 afterward, when he would have i?iherited the blessing, he was 
 rejected ; for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it 
 carefully with tears? 
 
 20 197. Now was the Word of the Gospel forced from my Soul, 
 so that no promise or encouragement was to be found in the 
 Bible for me. And now would that saying work upon my spirit 
 to afflict me, Rejoice not, O Israel, for joy as other people} For 
 I saw indeed there was cause of rejoicing for those that held to 
 
 25 Jesus ; but as for me, I had cut myself off by my transgressions, 
 and left myself neither foot-hold, nor hand-hold, amongst all the 
 stays and props in the precious Word of Life. 
 
 198. And truly I did now feel myself to sink into a gulf, as 
 an house whose foundation is destroyed. I did liken myself, in 
 
 30 this conditon, unto the case of a child that was fallen into a mill- 
 pit, who, though it could make some shift to scrabble and sprawl 
 in the water, yet because it could find neither hold for hand nor 
 
 1 Heb. 6. 4-6. 3 Heb. 12. 16, 17. 
 
 2 Heb. 10. 26, 27. 4 Hos. 9. 1. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 71 
 
 foot, therefore at last it must die in that condition. So soon as 
 this fresh assault had fastened on my Soul, that scripture came 
 into my heart, This is for many days} And indeed I found it 
 was so ; for I could not be delivered, nor brought to peace again, 
 until well nigh two years and an half were completely finished. 5 
 Wherefore these words, though in themselves they tended to dis- 
 couragement, yet to me, who feared this condition would be 
 eternal, they were at sometimes as an help and refreshment to me. 
 
 199. For, thought I, many days are not, not for ever; many 
 days will have an end ; therefore seeing I was to be afflicted, 10 
 not a few, but many days, yet I was glad it was but for many 
 days. Thus, I say, I could recal myself sometimes, and give 
 myself a help, for as soon as ever the words came into my mind 
 
 at first, I knew my trouble would be long ; yet this would be 
 but sometimes, for I could not always think on this, nor ever be 1 5 
 helped by it, though I did. 
 
 200. Now, while these Scriptures lay before me, and laid sin 
 anew, at my door, that saying in the 18th of Luke, 2 with others, 
 did encourage me to prayer. Then the Tempter again laid at 
 me very sore, suggesting, That neither the Mercy of God, nor 20 
 yet the Blood of Christ, did at all concern me, nor could they help 
 me for my sin ; therefore it was in vain to pray. Yet, thought I, 
 
 / will pray. But, said the Tempter, your sin is unpardonable. 
 Well, said I, I will pray. It is to no boot, said he. Yet, said I, 
 I will pray. So I went to prayer to God ; and while I was at 25 
 prayer, I uttered words to this effect, Lo7'd, Satan tells me that 
 neither thy Mercy, nor Chris fs Blood, is sufficient to save my Soul. 
 Lord, shall I honour thee most, by believing thou wilt and canst ? 
 or him, by believing thou neither wilt nor canst ? Lord, I would 
 fain honour thee, by believing thou wilt and canst. 30 
 
 201. And as I was thus before the Lord, that scripture fas- 
 tened on my heart, O ?nau, great is thy faith, 8 even as if one had 
 clapped me on the back, as I was on my knees before God. Yet 
 
 1 Dan. 10. 14. 2 Lu. iS. 1. 3 Matt. 15. 28. 
 
72 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 I was not able to believe this, that this was a prayer of faith, till 
 almost six months after ; for I could not think that I had faith, 
 or that there should be a word for me to act faith on ; therefore 
 I should still be as sticking in the jaws of desperation, and went 
 5 mourning up and down in a sad condition, crying, Is his mercy 
 clean go?ie ? Is his mercy clean gone for ever ? And I thought 
 sometimes, even when I was groaning in these expressions, they 
 did seem to make a question whether it was or no ; yet I greatly 
 feared it was. 
 
 io 202. There was nothing now that I longed for more than to 
 be put out of doubt, as to this thing in question ; and, as I was 
 vehemently desiring to know if there was indeed hopes for me, 
 these words came rolling into my mind. Will the lord cast off 
 for ever ? And will he be favourable no more ? Is his mercy clean 
 
 i 5 gone for ever ? Doth his promise fail for evermore ? Hath God 
 forgotte?i to be gracious ? Hath he in anger shut up his tender 
 mercies ? 1 And all the while they run in my mind, methought I 
 had this still as the answer, It is a question whether he hath or 
 no ; it may be he hath not. Yea, the interrogatory seemed to me 
 
 20 to carry in it a sure affirmation that indeed he had not, nor 
 would so cast off, but would be favourable ; that his promise 
 doth not fail, and that he had not forgotten to be gracious, nor 
 would in anger shut up tender mercy. Something, also, there 
 was upon my heart at the same time, which I now cannot call 
 
 25 to mind ; which, with this Text, did sweeten my heart, and made 
 me conclude that his mercy might not be quite gone, nor clean 
 gone for ever. 
 
 203. At another time, I remember I was again much under 
 this Question, Whether the Blood of Christ was sufficient to save 
 
 30 my Soul ? In which doubt I continued from morning till about 
 
 seven or eight at night ; and at last, when I was, as it were, 
 
 quite worn out with fear, lest it should not lay hold on me, these 
 
 words did sound suddenly within my heart, He is able. 2 But 
 
 1 Ps. 77. 7-9. 2 Heb. 7. 25. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 73 
 
 methought this word able was spoke so loud unto me ; it showed 
 such a great word, it seemed to be writ in great letters, and gave 
 such a justle to my fear and doubt, (I mean for the time it tarried 
 with me, which was about a day,) as I never had from that all 
 my life, either before or after that. 5 
 
 204. But one morning, when I was again at prayer, and 
 trembling under the fear of this, That no Word of God could 
 help me, that piece' of a sentence darted in upon me, My Grace 
 is sufficie?it. At this methought I felt some stay, as if there 
 might be hopes. But, oh how good a thing it is for God to 10 
 send his Word ! For about a fortnight before I was looking on 
 this very place, and then I thought it could not come near my 
 Soul with comfort, therefore I threw down my Book in a pet. 
 Then I thought it was not large enough for me ; no, not large 
 enough. But now, it was as if it had Arms of Grace so wide that 1 5 
 it could not only enclose me, but many more besides. 
 
 205. By these words I was sustained, yet not without exceed- 
 ing conflicts, for the space of seven or eight weeks ; for my 
 peace would be in and out, sometimes twenty times a day ; Com- 
 fort now, and Trouble presently ; Peace now, and before I could 20 
 go a furlong as full of Fear and Guilt as ever heart could hold ; 
 and this was not only now and then, but my whole seven weeks' 
 experience ; for this about the sufficiency of Grace, and that of 
 Esau's parting with his Birthright, would be like a pair of Scales 
 within my mind, sometimes one end would be uppermost, and 25 
 sometimes again the other; according to which would be my 
 peace or trouble. 
 
 206. Therefore I did still pray to God that he would come in 
 with this Scripture more fully on my heart ; to wit, that he 
 would help me to apply the whole sentence, for as yet I could 30 
 not. That he gave, I gathered ; but further I could not go, 
 for as yet it only helped me to hope there might be mercy for 
 me, My Grace is sufficie?it. And though it came no further, it 
 answered my former question ; to wit, that there was hope ; yet, 
 
74 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 because /w /to was left out, I was not contented, but prayed to 
 God for that also. Wherefore, one day as I was in a meeting 
 of God's People, full of sadness and terror, for my fears again 
 were strong upon me ; and as I was now thinking my Soul was 
 5 never the better, but my case most sad and fearful, these words 
 did, with great power, suddenly break in upon me, My Grace is 
 sufficient for thee, my Grace is sufficient for thee, my Grace is 
 sufficient for thee, three times together ; and, oh ! methought 
 that every word was a mighty word unto me ; as my, and Grace, 
 10 and sufficient, and for thee; they were then, and sometimes are 
 still, far bigger than others be. 
 
 207. At which time my understanding was so enlightened, 
 that I was as though I had seen the Lord Jesus look down from 
 Heaven through the Tiles upon me, and direct these words 
 
 1 5 unto me. This sent me mourning home ; it broke my heart, and 
 filled me full of joy, and laid me low as the dust ; only it stayed 
 not long with me, I mean in this glory and refreshing comfort, 
 yet it continued with me for several weeks, and did encourage me 
 to hope. But so soon as that powerful operation of it was taken 
 
 20 off my heart, that other about Esau returned upon me as before ; 
 so my Soul did hang as in a pair of Scales again, sometimes up 
 and sometimes down, now in peace, and anon again in terror. 
 
 208. Thus I went on for many weeks, sometimes comforted, 
 and sometimes tormented ; and, especially at some times, my 
 
 25 torment would be very sore, for all those scriptures forenamed 
 in the Hebrews would be set before me, as the only Sentences 
 that would keep me out of Heaven. Then, again, I should 
 begin to repent that ever that thought went through me, I 
 should also think thus with myself, Why, how many Scriptures 
 
 30 are there against me ? There are but three or four : and cannot 
 God miss them, and save me for all them ? Sometimes, again, I 
 should think, Oh! if it were not for these three or four words, 
 now how might I be comforted ? And I could hardly forbear, at 
 some times, but to wish them out of the Book. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 75 
 
 209. Then methought I should see as if both Peter, and Paul, 
 and foh?i, and all the Writers, did look with scorn upon me, and 
 hold me in derision ; and as if they said unto me, All our words 
 are truth, one of as much force as another. It is not we that have 
 cut you off, but you have cast away yourself ; there is none of our 5 
 sentefices that you must take hold upon but these, and such as these: 1 
 
 It is impossible ; there remains no more sacrifice for sin. And 
 it had been better for them not to have known the Will of God, 
 than after they have known it to turn from the holy command- 
 ment delivered unto them? Por the Scriptures catinot be broken. 10 
 
 210. These, as the Elders of the City of Refuge, 3 1 saw were 
 to be the Judges both of my case and me, while I stood, with 
 the Avenger of blood at my heels, trembling at their Gate for 
 deliverance ; also with a thousand fears and mistrusts, I doubted 
 that they would shut me out for ever. 1 5 
 
 211. Thus was I confounded, not knowing what to do, nor 
 how to be satisfied in this question, Whether the Scriptures could 
 agree in the salvation of my soul 2 I quaked at the Apostles, I 
 knew their words were true, and that they must stand for ever. 
 
 212. And I remember one day, as I was in diverse frames 20 
 of spirit, and considering that these frames were still according 
 
 to the nature of the several Scriptures that came in upon my 
 mind ; if this of Grace, then was I quiet ; but if that of Esau, 
 then tormented ; Lord, thought I, if both these Scriptures would 
 meet in my heart at once, I wonder which of them would get the 25 
 better of me. So methought I had a longing mind that they 
 might come both together upon me ; yea, I desired of God' 
 they might. 
 
 213. Well, about two or three days after, so they did indeed ; 
 they bolted both upon me at a time, and did work and struggle 30 
 strangely in me for a while ; at last, that about Esau's birthright 
 began to wax weak, and withdraw, and vanish ; and this about 
 the sufficiency of Grace prevailed with peace and joy. And as 
 
 1 Heb. 6. 4. 2 2 Pet. 2 . 21. 3 j Q sh. 20. 3, 4. 
 
y6 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 I was in a muse about this thing, that Scripture came home 
 upon me, Mercy rejoiceth against judgment. 1 
 
 214. This was a wonderment to me ; yet truly I am apt to 
 think it was of God. For the Word of the Law and Wrath must 
 
 5 give place to the Word of Life and Grace ; because, though the 
 Word of Condemnation be glorious, yet the Word of Life and 
 Salvation doth far exceed in glory. 2 Also, that Moses and Elias 
 must both vanish, and leave Christ and his Saints alone. 3 
 
 215. This Scripture did also most sweetly visit my soul, And 
 10 him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out} Oh the comfort 
 
 that I have had from this word, in no wise ! as who should say, 
 by no means, for no thing, whatever he hath done. But Satan 
 would greatly labour to pull this promise from me, telling of me 
 That Christ did not mean 7ne, and such as I, but simiers of a 
 
 1 5 lower rank, that had not done as I had done. But I should answer 
 him again, Satan, here is in this word no such exception; but him 
 that comes ; him, a?iy him; him that cometh to me I will in 110 
 wise cast out. And this I well remember still, that of all the 
 sleights that Satan used to take this scripture from me, yet he 
 
 20 never did so much as put this question, But do you come a7'ight ? 
 And I have thought the reason was, because he thought I knew 
 full well what coming aright was ; for I saw that to come aright 
 was to come as I was, a vile and ungodly sinner, and to cast 
 myself at the feet of Mercy, condemning myself for sin. If ever 
 
 25 Satan and I did strive for any Word of God in all my life, it was 
 for this good word of Christ ; he at one end and I at the other. 
 Oh, what work did we make ! It was for this in John, I say, that 
 we did so tug and strive ; he pulled and I pulled ; but, God be 
 praised, I got the better of him, I got some sweetness from it. 
 
 30 216. But, notwithstanding all these helps and blessed words 
 of grace, yet that of Esau's selling of his Birthright would still 
 at times distress my Conscience ; for though I had been most 
 
 1 James 2. 13. 8 Mark 9. 5,8. 
 
 2 2 Cor. 3. 8-12. * John 6. 27- 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS yj 
 
 sweetly comforted, and that but just before, yet when that came 
 into my mind, it would make me fear again, I could not be quite 
 rid thereof, it would every day be with me. Wherefore now I went 
 another way to work, even to consider the nature of this blas- 
 phemous thought ; I mean, if I should take the words at the 5 
 largest, and give them their own natural force and scope, even 
 every word therein. So when I had thus considered, I found, 
 that if they were fairly taken, they would amount to this, That 
 I had freely left the Lord fesus Christ to his choice, whether he 
 would be my Saviour or no ; for the wicked words were these, 10 
 Let him go if he will. Then that Scripture gave me hope, L will 
 never leave thee nor forsake thee} O Lord, said I, but L have left 
 thee. Then it answered again, But L will not leave thee. For 
 this I thank God also. 
 
 217. Yet I was grievous afraid he should, and found it exceed- 15 
 ing hard to trust him, seeing I had so offended him. I could 
 have been exceeding glad that this thought had never befallen, for 
 then I thought I could, with more ease and freedom abundance, 
 have leaned upon his Grace. I see it was with me, as it was with 
 Josephs brethren ; the guilt of their own wickedness did often 20 
 fill them with fears that their brother would at last despise them. 2 
 
 218. But above all the Scriptures that I yet did meet with, 
 that in the twentieth of Joshua was the greatest comfort to me, 
 which speaks of the slayer that was to flee for refuge. And if 
 the avenger of blood pursue the slayer, then, saith Moses, they that 25 
 are the Elders of the City of Refuge shall not deliver him i?ito his 
 hand, because he smote his Neighbour unwittingly \ and hated him 
 not aforetime? Oh, blessed be God for this word. I was con- 
 vinced that I was the Slayer ; and that the Avenger of Blood 
 pursued me, that I felt with great terror ; only now it remained 30 
 that I inquire whether. I have right to enter the City of Refuge. 
 So I found that he must not, who lay in wait to shed blood. It 
 was not the wilful Murderer, but he who unwittingly did it, he 
 
 1 Heb. 13. 5. 2 Gen. 50. 15-17. 3 Josh. 20. 5. 
 
78 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 who did unawares shed blood ; not of spight, or grudge, or 
 malice, he that shed it unwittingly, even he who did not hate 
 his Neighbour before. Wherefore, 
 
 219. I thought verily I was the man that must enter, because 
 5 I had smitten my Neighbour unwittingly, and hated him not 
 
 aforetime. I hated him not aforetime ; no, I prayed unto him, 
 was tender of sinning against him ; yea, and against this wicked 
 temptation I had strove for a twelvemonth before ; yea, and 
 also when it did pass through my heart, it did it in spight of 
 10 my Teeth. Wherefore I thought I had right to enter this City, 
 and the Elders, which are the Apostles, were not to deliver me 
 up. This, therefore, was great comfort to me, and did give me 
 much ground of hope. 
 
 220. Yet being very critical, for my smart had made me that 
 1 5 I knew not what ground was sure enough to bear me, I had 
 
 one question that my Soul did much desire to be resolved about ; 
 and that was, Whether it be possible for any Soul that hath indeed 
 sinned the unpardonable sin, yet after that to receive though but 
 the least true spiritual comfort from God through Christ? The 
 20 which, after I had much considered, I found the answer was, 
 No, they could not ; and that for these reasons : — 
 
 221. First, Because those that have sinned that sin, they are 
 debarred a share in the Blood of Christ, and being shut out of 
 that, they must needs be void of the least ground of hope, and 
 
 25 so of spiritual comfort ; for to such there remai?is no more sacri- 
 fice for sin. 1 Secondly, Because they are denied a share in the 
 Promise of Life ; they shall never be forgiven, neither i?i this 
 World, neither in that which is to come} Thirdly, The Son of 
 God excludes them also from a share in his blessed Intercession, 
 
 30 being for ever ashamed to own them both before his holy Father, 
 and the blessed Angels in Heaven? 
 
 222. When I had, with much deliberation, considered of this 
 matter, and could not but conclude that the Lord had comforted 
 
 1 Heb. 10. 26. 2 Matt. 12. 32. 3 Mark 8. 38. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 79 
 
 me, and that too after this my wicked sin ; then, methought, I 
 durst venture to come nigh unto those most fearful and terrible 
 Scriptures, with wnich all this while I had been so greatly 
 affrighted, and on which, indeed, before I durst scarce cast mine 
 Eye (yea, had much ado an hundred times to forbear wishing of 5 
 them out of the Bible ; for I thought they would destroy me) ; 
 but now, I say, I began to take some measure of encouragement 
 to come close to them, to read them, and consider them, and to 
 weigh their scope and tendency. 
 
 223. The which, when I began to do, I found their visage 10 
 changed ; for they looked not so grimly on me as before I 
 thought they did. And, first, I came to the sixth of the Hebrews, 
 yet trembling for fear it should strike me ; which when I had 
 considered, I found that the falling there intended was a falling 
 quite away. That is, as I conceived, a falling from, and an 15 
 absolute denial of the Gospel of remission of sins by Christ, 1 for 
 from them the Apostle begins his Argument. Secondly, I found 
 that this falling away must be openly, even in the view of the 
 world, even so as to put Christ to an open shame. Thirdly, I 
 found that those he there intended were for ever shut up of 20 
 God, both in blindness, hardness, and impenitency : It is impos- 
 sible they should be renewed again unto Repentance. By all these 
 particulars, I found, to God's everlasting Praise, my sin was not 
 the sin in this place intended. 
 
 First, I confessed I was fallen, but not fallen away, that is, 25 
 from the profession of Faith in Jesus unto eternal Life. 
 
 Secondly, I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to shame by 
 my sin, but not to open shame. I did not deny him before men, 
 nor condemn him as a fruitless one before the World. 
 
 Thirdly, Nor did I find that God had shut me up, or denied 30 
 me to come (though I found it hard work indeed to come), to 
 him by sorrow and repentance. Blessed be God for unsearch- 
 able grace. 
 
 1 Heb. 6. 1-3. 
 
8o GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 224. Then I considered that in the tenth of the Hebrews, and 
 found that the wilful sin there mentioned is not every wilful sin, 
 but that which doth throw off Christ, and then his Command- 
 ments too. Secondly, That must also be done openly, before two 
 5 or three Witnesses, to answer that of the Law. 1 Thirdly, This 
 sin cannot be committed, but with great despite done to the 
 Spirit of Grace ; despising both the dissuasions from that sin, 
 and the persuasions to the contrary. But the Lord knows, 
 though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not amount to these. 
 
 10 225. And as touching that in the twelfth of the Hebrews, 
 about Esau's selling his Birthright, 2 though this was that which 
 killed me, and stood like a spear against me ; yet now I did 
 consider, First, That his was not a hasty thought against the 
 continual labour of his Mind, but a thought consented to and 
 
 15 put in practice likewise, and that too after some deliberation. 
 Secondly, It was a public and open action, even before his 
 Brother, if not before many more ; this made his sin of a far 
 more heinous nature than otherwise it would have been. Thirdly, 
 He continued to slight his Birthright : He did eat a?id drink, and 
 
 20 went his way ; thus Esau despised his birthright. Yea, twenty 
 years after, he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, I 
 have enough, 7ny Brother ; keep that thou hast unto thyself? 
 
 226. Now as touching this, That Esau sought a place of 
 Repentance; thus I thought, First, This was not for the 
 
 25 Birthright, but for the Blessing ; this is clear from the Apostle, 
 and is distinguished by Esau himself ; he hath taken away my 
 Birthright (that is, formerly) ; and, behold, now he hath taken 
 away my Blessing also} Secondly, Now, this being thus con- 
 sidered, I came again to the Apostle to see what might be the 
 
 30 mind of God, in a New-Testament style and sense, concerning 
 Esau's sin ; and so far as I could conceive, this was the mind of 
 God, That the Birthright signified Regeneration, and the Blessing 
 
 1 Heb. 10. 28. 3 Gen. 33. 9. 
 
 2 Gen. 25. 29-34. 4 Gen. 27. 36. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 8l 
 
 the Eternal Inheritance ; for so the Apostle seems to hint, Lest 
 tJm-e be any profane person^ as Esau, who for one moisel of meat 
 sold his Birthright ; as if he should say, Lest there be any Per- 
 son amongst you, that shall cast off all those blessed beginnings 
 of God that at present are upon him, in order to a new Birth, 5 
 lest they become as Esau, even be rejected afterwards, when 
 they would inherit the Blessing. 
 
 227. For many there are who, in the day of Grace and Mercy, 
 despise those things which are indeed the Birthright to Heaven, 
 who yet, when the deciding day appears, will cry as loud as 10 
 Esau, Lord, Lord, open to us; but then, as Isaac would not 
 repent, no more will God the Father, but will say, I have blessed 
 these, yea, and they shall be blessed ; l but as for you, Depart from 
 me, all ye workers of Iniquity? 
 
 228. When I had thus considered these Scriptures and found 15 
 that thus to understand them was not against, but according to 
 other Scriptures ; this still added further to my encouragement 
 and comfort, and also gave a great blow to that Objection, to 
 wit, that the Scriptures could not agree in the Salvation of my Soul. 
 And now remained only the hinder part of the Tempest, for the 20 
 thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, 
 that now and then would fall upon me ; but because my former 
 frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it did oft 
 befall me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with 
 fire, I thought every voice was Fire, Fire ; every little touch 25 
 would hurt my tender conscience. 
 
 229. But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too 
 with some dashes on my Conscience, fearing lest yet all was not 
 right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, Thy righteous- 
 ness is in Heaven ; and methought withal, I saw, with the Eyes of 30 
 my Soul, Jesus Christ at God's Right Hand. There, I say, was 
 my righteousness ; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was 
 adoing, God could not say of me, He wants my Righteous?iess, 
 
 1 1 Gen. 27.33. 2 Luke 13. 25-27. 
 
82 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 for that was just before him. I also saw, moreover, that it was 
 not my good frame of Heart that made my Righteousness 
 better, nor yet my bad frame that made my Righteousness 
 worse ; for my Righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, the 
 5 same yesterday , and to-day, and for ever} 
 
 230. Now did my Chains fall off my Legs indeed ; I was 
 loosed from my Affliction and Irons ; my Temptations also fled 
 away ; so that, from that time, those dreadful Scriptures of God 
 left off to trouble me ; now went I also home rejoicing, for the 
 
 10 Grace and Love of God. So when I came home, I looked to 
 see if I could find that sentence, Thy Righteousness is in Heaven, 
 but could not find such a saying ; wherefore my Heart began 
 to sink again ; only that was brought to my remembrance, He 
 is made unto us of God Wisdom, and Righteousness, and Sanctifica- 
 
 15 tion, and Redemption ; 2 by this word I saw the other sentence true. 
 
 231. For by this Scripture, I saw that the Man Christ Jesus, 
 as he is distinct from us, as touching his bodily presence, so he 
 is our Righteousness and Sanctification before God. Here, 
 therefore, I lived for some time, very sweetly at peace with 
 
 20 God through Christ. Oh methought, Christ ! Christ ! there was 
 nothing but Christ that was before my Eyes ; I was not now 
 only for looking upon this and the other benefits of Christ apart, 
 as of his Blood, Burial, or Resurrection, but considered him as 
 a whole Christ ; as he in whom all these, and all other his 
 
 25 Virtues, Relations, Offices, and Operations met together, and 
 that, as he sat on the Right Hand of God in Heaven. 
 
 232. 'Twas glorious to me to see his Exaltation, and the 
 Worth and Prevalency of all his Benefits, and that because now 
 I could look from myself to him, and should reckon that all 
 
 30 those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet 
 but like those crack-groats and fourpence-halfpennies that rich 
 men carry in their Purses, when their Gold is in their Trunks 
 at home ! Oh, I saw my Gold was in my Trunk at home ! In 
 
 1 Heb. 13. 8. 2 1 Cor. 1. 30. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 83 
 
 Christ, my Lord and Saviour ! Now Christ was all ; all my 
 Wisdom, all my Righteousness, all my Sanctification, and all 
 my Redemption. 
 
 233. Further, the Lord did also lead me into the Mystery 
 
 of Union with the Son of God ; that I was joined to him, that 5 
 I was flesh of his flesh, and bone of his bone, and now was 
 that a sweet word to me in the thirtieth of the fifth of Ephe- 
 sians. By this also was my Faith in him as my Righteousness 
 the more confirmed to me ; for if he and I were one, then his 
 Righteousness was mine, his Merits mine, his Victory also 10 
 mine. Now could I see myself in "Heaven and Earth at once ; 
 in Heaven by my Christ, by my Head, by my Righteousness 
 and Life, though on Earth by my Body or Person. 
 
 234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked on of God, and 
 should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public 15 
 Person, in whom all the whole body of his Elect are always to 
 be considered and reckoned ; that we fulfilled the Law by him, 
 died by him, rose from the dead by him, got the Victory over Sin, 
 Death, the Devil, and Hell by him ; when he died, we died ; and 
 
 so of his Resurrection. Thy dead me?i shall live, together with my 20 
 dead body shall they arise} saith he. And again, After two days he 
 will revive us : i?i the third day he will raise us up, and we shall 
 live in his sight ;' 2 which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the 
 Son of Man on the Right Hand of the Majesty in the Heavens, 
 according to that to the Ephesians, he hath raised us up together, 25 
 a?id made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus? 
 
 235. Ah, these blessed considerations and Scriptures, with 
 many other of a like nature, were in those days made to spangle 
 in mine Eyes, so that I have cause to say, Praise ye the Lord 
 God in his Sanctuary : praise him in the Firmament of his 30 
 Power. Praise him for his mighty Acts : praise him according 
 
 to his excellent Greatness. 4 
 
 1 
 
 1 Isa. 26. 19. 3 Eph. 2. 6. 
 
 2 HOS. 6. 2. 4 p s . I e 0m 1, 2. 
 
84 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 236. Having thus, in few words, given you a taste of the 
 sorrow and affliction that my Soul went under, by the guilt 
 and terror that this my wicked thought did lay me under ; and 
 having given you also a touch of my deliverance therefrom, 
 
 5 and of the sweet and blessed comfort that I met with after- 
 wards, (which comfort dwelt about a twelvemonth with my 
 Heart, to my unspeakable admiration ; ) I will now, God will- 
 ing, before I proceed any further, give you in a word or two, 
 what, as I conceive, was the cause of this temptation ; and also 
 10 after that, what advantage, at the last, it became unto my Soul. 
 
 237. For the causes, I conceived they were principally two: 
 of which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this 
 trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I 
 was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray 
 
 1 5 to God to keep me from temptations that were to come. For though, 
 as I can say in truth, my Soul was much in Prayer before this 
 trial seized me, yet then I prayed only, or at the most, princi- 
 pally for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh dis- 
 coveries of his love in Christ : which I saw afterwards was not 
 
 20 enough to do. I also should have prayed that the great God 
 would keep me from the evil that was to come. 
 
 238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by the Prayer of 
 holy David, who, when he was under present Mercy, yet prayed 
 that God would hold him back from sin and temptation to come ; 
 
 25 For then, saith he, shall I be upright, and I shall be imwcent 
 from the great tra?isgression} By this very word was I galled 
 and condemned, quite through this long temptation. 
 
 239. That also was another word that did much condemn 
 me for my folly, in the neglect of this Duty, Let us therefore 
 
 30 come boldly wito the throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy, 
 
 and find Grace to help in time of need? This I had not done, 
 
 and therefore was suffered thus to sin and fall, according to 
 
 what is written, Pray that you e7iter not into temptation. 3 ' And 
 
 1 Ps. 19. 13. 2 Heb. 4. 16. 3 Matt. 26. 41. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 85 
 
 truly this very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon 
 me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my 
 knees until I entreat him for help and mercy against the temp- 
 tations that are to come ; and I do beseech thee, Reader, that 
 thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the affliction that 5 
 for this thing I did for days, and months, and years, with sor- 
 row undergo. 
 
 240. Another cause of this temptation was that I had 
 tempted God ; and on this manner did I do it. Upon a time 
 my wife was great with Child, and before her full time was 10 
 come, her pangs, as of a Woman in travail, were fierce and 
 strong upon her, even as if she would have immediately fallen 
 
 in labour, and been delivered of an untimely Birth. Now, at 
 this very time it was that I had been so strongly tempted to 
 question the Being of God; wherefore, as my Wife lay crying 15 
 by me, I said, but with all secrecy imaginable, even thinking in 
 my heart, Lord, if thou wilt ?ww remove this sad affliction from 
 my Wife, and cause that she be troubled no more therewith this 
 night, (and now were her pangs just upon her,) theft I shall 
 know that thou canst discern the most secret thoughts of the 20 
 Heart. 
 
 241. I had no sooner said it in my heart, but her pangs were 
 taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so she 
 continued till Morning. At this I greatly marvelled, not know- 
 ing what to think ; but after I had been awake a good while, 25 
 and heard her cry no more, I fell to sleep also. So when I 
 waked in the Morning it came upon me again, even what I had 
 said in my heart the last Night, and how the Lord had shewed 
 me that he knew my secret Thoughts, which was a great aston- 
 ishment unto me for several weeks after. 30 
 
 242. Well, about a year and a half afterwards, that wicked 
 sinful thought, of which I have spoken before, went through 
 my wicked heart, even this thought, Let Christ go if he will ; 
 so when I was fallen under guilt for this, the remembrance of 
 
86 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 my other thought and of the effect thereof would also come 
 upon me with this retort, which also carried rebuke along with 
 it, Now you may see that God doth know the most secret thoughts 
 of the heart. 
 5 243. And with this, that of the passages that were betwixt 
 the Lord and his servant Gideon fell upon my Spirit ; how 
 because that Gideon tempted God with his fleece, both wet and 
 dry, 1 when he should have believed and ventured upon his word, 
 therefore the Lord did afterwards so try him as to send him 
 
 10 against an innumerable company of Enemies ; and that too, as 
 
 to outward appearance, without any Strength or Help. Thus 
 
 he served me, and that justly, for I should have believed his 
 
 word, and not have put an z/*upon the all-seeingness of God. 
 
 244. And now to shew you something of the advantages 
 
 1 5 that I also gained by this temptation ; and first, By this I was 
 made continually to possess in my soul a very wonderful sense 
 both of the Being and Glory of God, and of his beloved Son. 
 In the temptation that went before my Soul was perplexed with 
 unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the 
 
 20 being of God, Christ, the Truth of the Word, and certainty of 
 the World to come ; I say, then I was greatly assaulted and 
 tormented with Atheism ; but now the case was otherwise, now 
 was God and Christ continually before my Face, though not in 
 a way of comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. 
 
 25 The Glory of the Holiness of God did at this time break me 
 to pieces ; and the Bowels and Compassion of Christ did break 
 me as on the Wheel ; for I could not consider him but as a lost 
 and rejected Christ, the remembrance of which was as the con- 
 tinual breaking of my Bones. 
 
 30 245. The Scriptures now also were wonderful things unto 
 
 me. I saw that the truth and verity of them were the Keys of 
 
 the Kingdom of Heaven ; those that the Scriptures favour, they 
 
 must inherit bliss ; but those that they oppose and condemn must 
 
 1 Judges 6. 36-40. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 87 
 
 perish evermore. Oh this word, For the Scripture cannot be 
 broken, would rend the Caul of my heart ; and so would that 
 other, Whose sins ye remit, they are remitted nnto the??i ; but 
 whose sins ye retain, they are retai?ied. Now I saw the Apostles 
 to be the Elders of the City of Refuge ; those that they were 5 
 to receive in were received to Life ; but those that they shut 
 out were to be slain by the Avenger of Blood. 1 
 
 246. Oh ! one Sentence of the Scripture did more afflict and 
 terrify my mind, I mean those Sentences that stood against 
 me, (as sometimes I thought they every one did,) more I say, 10 
 than an Army of forty thousand men that might have come 
 against me. Woe be to him against whom the Scriptures bend 
 themselves. 
 
 247. By this temptation I was made to see more into the 
 Nature of the Promises than ever I was before ; for I lying 1 5 
 now trembling under the mighty hand of God, continually torn 
 and rent by the thunderings of his Justice ; this made me, with 
 careful Heart and watchful Eye, with great seriousness, to turn 
 over every leaf, and with much diligence, mixed with trembling, 
 
 to consider every Sentence, together with its natural force and 20 
 latitude. 
 
 248. By this temptation, also, I was greatly beaten off my 
 former foolish practice, of putting by the Word of Promise 
 when it came into my mind ; for now, though I could not suck 
 that comfort and sweetness from the Promise as I had done at 25 
 other times, yet, like to a man a-sinking, I should catch at all I 
 saw. Formerly I thought I might not meddle with the Promise 
 unless I felt its comfort, but now it was no time thus to do, 
 the Avenger of Blood too hardly did pursue me. 
 
 249. Now therefore I was glad to catch at that word, which 30 
 yet I feared I had no groumd or right to own ; and even to 
 leap into the bosom of that Promise, that yet I feared did shut 
 its heart against me. Now also I should labour to take the 
 
 1 Josh. 20. 4. 
 
88 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 Word as God hath laid it down, without restraining the natural 
 force of one syllable thereof. O what did I now see in that 
 blessed sixth of John, And him that comes to me, I will in no 
 wise cast out} Now I began to consider with myself, that God 
 5 had a bigger Mouth to speak with than I had Heart to conceive 
 with. I thought also with myself that he spake not his words 
 in haste, or in unadvised heat, but with infinite Wisdom and 
 Judgment, and in very truth and faithfulness. 
 
 250. I should in these days, often in my greatest Agonies, 
 
 10 even flounce towards the Promise, (as the Horses do towards 
 sound Ground that yet stick in the Mire,) concluding, (though 
 as one almost bereft of his wits through fear,) on this I will 
 rest and stay, and leave the fulfilling of it to the God of Heaven 
 that made it. Oh ! many a pull hath my heart had with Satan 
 
 1 5 for that blessed sixth of John. I did not now, as at other times, 
 look principally for comfort, (though, O how welcome would 
 it have been unto me !) But now a word, a word to lean a 
 weary Soul upon, that I might not sink for ever, it was that 
 I hunted for. 
 
 20 251. Yea, often when I have been making to the Promise, 
 I have seen as if the Lord would refuse my Soul for ever. I 
 was often as if I had run upon the Pikes, and as if the Lord 
 had thrust at me to keep.me from him as with a flaming Sword. 
 Then I should think of Esther, who went to petition the King 
 
 25 contrary to the Law. 2 I thought also of Benhadad's servants, 
 who went with ropes upon their Heads to their Enemies for 
 mercy. 3 The woman of Canaan also, that would not be daunted, 
 though called Dog by Christ. 4 And the Man that went to borrow 
 bread at midnight, 5 were great encouragements unto me. 
 
 30 252. I never saw those heights and depths in Grace, and 
 Love, and Mercy, as I saw after this temptation. Great Sins 
 do draw out great Grace ; and where Guilt is most terrible and 
 
 1 John 6. 37. 2 Esther 4. 16. 3 1 Kings 20. 31,32. 
 
 4 Matt. 15. 21-28. 5 Luke n. 5-8. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 89 
 
 fierce there the Mercy of God in Christ, when showed to the 
 Soul, appears most high and mighty. When fob had passed 
 through his Captivity, he had twice as much as he had before. 1 
 Blessed be God for Jesus Christ our Lord. Many other things 
 I might here make observation of, but I would be brief, and 5 
 therefore shall at this time omit them, and do pray God that my 
 harms may make others fear to offend, lest they also be made 
 to bear the Iron Yoke as I did. 
 
 I had two or three times, at or about my deliverance from 
 this temptation, such strange apprehensions of the Grace of 10 
 God, that I could hardly bear up under it, it was so out of 
 measure amazing, when I thought it could reach me, that I 
 do think, if that sense of it had abode long upon me, it would 
 have made me incapable for business. 
 
 253. Now I shall go forward to give you a relation of other 15 
 of the Lord's dealings with me, of his dealings with me at sundry 
 other seasons, and of the temptations I then did meet withal. 
 I shall begin with what I met with when I first did join in 
 fellowship with the people of God in Bedford. After I had pro- 
 pounded to the church that my desire was to walk in the Order 20 
 and Ordinances of Christ with them, and was also admitted by 
 them ; while I thought of that blessed Ordinance of Christ, 
 which was his last Supper with his disciples before his Death, 
 that Scripture, Do this in remembrance of me, 2 was made a very 
 precious word unto me ; for by it the Lord did come down upon 25 
 my Conscience with the discovery of his death for my sins ; 
 and as I then felt, did as if he plunged me in the virtue of the 
 same. But, behold, I had not been long a partaker at that 
 Ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptations did attend me at 
 all times therein, both to blaspheme the Ordinance, and to wish 30 
 some deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof ; that, lest 
 I should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked 
 and fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while 
 
 1 Job 42. 10. 2 Luke 22. 19. 
 
go GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 to pray to God to keep me from such Blasphemies ; and also 
 to cry to God to bless the Bread and Cup to them as it went 
 from mouth to mouth. The reason of this temptation I have 
 thought since was, because I did not, with that reverence as 
 5 became me, at first approach to partake thereof. 
 
 254. Thus I continued for three quarters of a Year, and could 
 never have rest nor ease ; but at last the Lord came in upon 
 my Soul with that same Scripture by which my Soul was 
 visited before ; and after that I have been usually very well 
 
 10 and comfortable in the partaking of that blessed Ordinance, 
 and have, I trust, therein discerned the Lord's Body as broken 
 for my sins, and that his precious Blood hath been shed for 
 my Transgressions. 
 
 255. Upon a time I was somewhat inclining to a Consump- 
 15 tion, wherewith, about the Spring, I was suddenly and violently 
 
 seized with much weakness in my outward man, insomuch 
 that I thought I could not live. Now began I afresh to give 
 myself up to a serious examination after my state and condi- 
 tion for the future, and of my evidences for that blessed World 
 20 to come ; for it hath, I bless the name of God, been my usual 
 course, as always, so especially in the Day of affliction, to en- 
 deavour to keep my interest in the Life to come clear before 
 my eye. 
 
 256. But I had no sooner began to recal to mind my former 
 25 experience of the goodness of God to my Soul, but there came 
 
 flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my Sins and 
 Transgressions, amongst which these were at this time most to 
 my affliction, namely, my Deadness, Dulness, and Coldness in 
 holy duties ; my Wanderings of heart, of my Wearisomeness in 
 30 all good things, my Want of Love to God, his Ways, and People, 
 with -this at the end of all, Are these the fruits of 'Christianity ? 
 are these the tokens of a blessed man ? 
 
 257. At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was 
 doubled upon me ; for now was I sick in my inward man, my 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 91 
 
 Soul was clogged with guilt ; now also was my former experience 
 of God's goodness to me quite taken out of my mind, and hid 
 as if it had never been, nor seen. Now was my soul greatly 
 pinched between these two considerations, Live I must not, Die 
 I dare not. Now I sunk and fell in my spirit, and was giving 5 
 up all for lost ; but as I was walking up and down in the house, 
 as a man in a most woful state, that Word of God took hold of 
 my heart, Ye are justified freely by his Grace, through the Re- 
 demption that is in Christ Jesus} But oh what a turn it made 
 upon me ! 10 
 
 258. Now was I as one awakened out of some troublesome 
 sleep and dream, and listening to this Heavenly Sentence, I 
 was as if I had heard it thus expounded to me : Sinner, thou 
 thinkest that because of thy Sins and Infirmities I cannot save 
 thy Soul : but behold my Soft is by me, a fid tpofi him I look, 1 5 
 and not on thee, a?id will deal with thee according as I am pleased 
 with him. At this I was greatly lightened in my mind, and 
 made to understand that God could justify a sinner at any 
 time ; it was but his looking upon Christ, and imputing of his 
 benefits to us, and the work was forthwith done. 20 
 
 259. And as I was thus in a muse, that Scripture also came 
 with great power upon my Spirit, Not by works of righteousness 
 which we have done, but according to his Mercy he saved us, 2 &c. 
 Now was I got on high ; I saw myself within the Arms of 
 Grace and Mercy; and though I was before afraid to think 25 
 of a dying hour, yet now I cried, Let me die. Now death was 
 lovely and beautiful in my sight ; for I saw we shall never live 
 ifideed till we be gone to the other World. Oh, methought this life 
 
 is but a slumber in comparison of that above ; at this time also 
 I saw more in those words, Heirs of God* than ever I shall be 30 
 able to express while I live in this world. Heirs of God ! God 
 himself is the portion of the Saints. This I saw and wondered 
 at, but cannot tell you what I saw. 
 
 1 Rom. 3. 24. 2 Tit. 3. 5. 2 Tim. 1.9. 3 R om . 8. 17. 
 
92 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 260. Again, as I was at another time very ill and weak, all 
 that time also the Tempter did beset me strongly, (for I find he 
 is much for assaulting the soul when it begins to approach 
 towards the grave, then is his opportunity,) labouring to hide 
 
 5 from me my former experience of God's goodness ; also setting 
 before me the terrors of Death and the Judgment of God, inso- 
 much that at this time, through my fear of miscarrying for ever, 
 (should I now die,) I was as one dead before Death came, and 
 was as if I had felt myself already descending into the Pit ; me- 
 
 10 thought, I said, there was no way but to Hell I must. But 
 behold, just as I was in the midst of those fears, these words 
 of the Angels carrying Lazarus into Abraham's bosom 1 darted 
 in upon me, as who should say, So it shall be with thee when 
 thou dost leave this World. This did sweetly revive my Spirit, 
 
 1 5 and help me to hope in God ; which, when I had with comfort 
 mused on a while, that word fell with great weight upon my 
 mind, O Death where is thy sting? O Grave, where is thy Vic- 
 tory ? 2 At this I became both well in body and mind at once, 
 for my sickness did presently vanish, and I walked comfortably 
 
 20 in my Work for God again. 
 
 261. At another time, though just before I was pretty well 
 and savoury in my Spirit, yet suddenly there fell upon me a 
 great cloud of darkness which did so hide from me the things 
 of God and Christ that I was as if I had never seen or known 
 
 25 them in my life. I was also so overrun in my Soul with a sense- 
 less, heartless frame of spirit, that I could not feel my Soul to 
 move or stir after Grace and Life by Christ. I was as if my loins 
 were broken, or as if my hands and feet had been tied or bound 
 with chains. At this time also I felt some weakness to seize 
 
 30 upon my outward man, which made still the other affliction the 
 more heavy and uncomfortable to me. 
 
 262. After I had been in this condition some three or four 
 days, as I was sitting by the fire, I suddenly felt this word to 
 
 1 Luke 16. 22. 2 1 Cor. 15. 55. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 93 
 
 sound in my heart, I must go to Jesus. At this my former Dark- 
 ness and Atheism fled away and the blessed things of Heaven 
 were set within my view. While I was on this sudden thus over- 
 taken with surprise, Wife, said I, is there ever such a scripture, 
 I must go to Jesus ? She said she could not tell, therefore I sat 5 
 musing still to see if I could remember such a place. I had not 
 sat above two or three minutes but that came bolting in upon 
 me, And to an innumerable Company of Angels, and withal, 
 Hebrews the twelfth, about the mount Sion, 1 was set before 
 mine eyes. 10 
 
 263. Then with joy I told my wife, O now I k?iow, I know ! 
 But that night was a good night to me, I never had but few 
 better. I longed for the company of some of God's People that 
 I might have imparted unto them what God had showed me. 
 Christ was a precious Christ to my Soul that night ; I could 1 5 
 scarce lie in my Bed for Joy, and Peace, and Triumph, through 
 Christ. This great Glory did not continue upon me until Morn- 
 ing, yet that twelfth of the Author to the Hebrews, was a blessed 
 Scripture to me for many days together after this. 
 
 264. The words are these, You are co??ie unto mount Sion, 20 
 to the City of the living God, to the heavenly Jerusalem, and 
 
 to an innumerable company of Angels, to the general Assembly 
 and Church of the firstborn, which are writte?i in Heaven, to God 
 the Judge of all, and to the Spirits of just men made perfect, and 
 to Jesus the Mediator of the netv Testament, and to the blood of 25 
 sprinklmg, that speaketh better things than that of Abel. Through 
 this blessed sentence the Lord led me over and over, first to 
 this Word, and then to that, and showed me wonderful glory in 
 every one of them. These words also have oft since this time 
 been great refreshment to my Spirit. Blessed be God for hav- 30 
 ing mercy on me. 
 
 1 Heb. 12. 22-24. 
 
94 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 A Brief Account of the Author's Call to the Work of the 
 Ministry 
 
 265. And now I am speaking my Experience, I will in this 
 place thrust in a word or two concerning my preaching the 
 Word, and of God's dealing with me in that particular also. 
 For after I had been about five or six years awakened, and 
 
 5 helped myself to see both the want and worth of Jesus Christ 
 our Lord, and also enabled to venture my soul upon him, some 
 of the most able among the Saints with us, I say the most able 
 for Judgment and Holiness of life, as they conceived, did per- 
 ceive that God had counted me worthy to understand something 
 
 10 of his Will in his holy and blessed Word, and had given me 
 utterance, in some measure, to express what I saw to others for 
 edification; therefore they desired me, and that with much 
 earnestness, that I would be willing, at sometimes, to take in 
 hand, in one of the Meetings, to speak a word of Exhortation 
 
 15 unto them. 
 
 266. The which, though at the first it did much dash and 
 abash my Spirit, yet being still by them desired and intreated, 
 I consented to their request, and did twice at two several As- 
 semblies, (but in private,) though with much weakness and in- 
 
 20 firmity, discover my Gift amongst them. At which they not only 
 seemed to be, but did solemnly protest, as in the sight of the 
 great God, they were both affected and comforted, and gave 
 thanks to the Father of Mercies for the grace bestowed on me. 
 
 267. After this, sometimes when some of them did go into 
 25 the Country to teach, they would also that I should go with 
 
 them ; where, though as yet I did not, nor durst not, make use 
 of my Gift in an open way, yet more privately still, as I came 
 amongst the good People in those places, I did sometimes speak 
 a word of Admonition unto them also ; the which they, as the 
 30 other, received with rejoicing at the mercy of God to me-ward, 
 professing their Souls were edified thereby. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 95 
 
 268. Wherefore, to be brief, at last, being still desired by the 
 Church, after some solemn prayer to the Lord with fasting, I 
 was more particularly called forth and appointed to a more 
 ordinary and public Preaching the Word, not only to and 
 amongst them that believed, but also to offer the Gospel to 5 
 those who had not yet received the Faith thereof. About which 
 time I did evidently find in my mind a secret pricking forward 
 thereto ; though I bless God, not for desire of vain Glory, for 
 
 at that time I was most sorely afflicted with the fiery darts of 
 the Devil concerning my Eternal State. 10 
 
 269. But yet I could not be content, unless I was found in 
 the Exercise of my Gift, unto which also I was greatly animated, 
 not only by the continual desires of the Godly, but also by that 
 saying of Paul to the Corinthians, I beseech you, Brethren (ye 
 know the household of Stephanus, that it is the first fruits of 15 
 Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the Ministry of 
 the Saints) that ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every one 
 that helpeth with us, and laboureth. 1 
 
 270. By this text I was made to see that the Holy Ghost 
 never intended that men who have Gifts and Abilities should 20 
 bury them in the earth, but rather did command and stir up 
 such to the Exercise of their Gift, 2 and also did commend those 
 that were apt and ready so to do, They have addicted themselves 
 
 to the ministry of the saints. This Scripture, in these days, did 
 continually run in my mind, to encourage me and strengthen 25 
 me in this my work for God. I have also been encouraged 
 from several other Scriptures and Examples of the Godly, both 
 specified in the Word, and other ancient histories. 
 
 271. Wherefore, though of myself of all the Saints the most 
 unworthy, yet I, but with great fear and trembling at the sight 30 
 of my own weakness, did set upon the work, and did according 
 
 to my Gift, and the proportion of my Faith, preach that blessed 
 
 1 1 Cor. 16. 15, 16. 
 
 2 Acts 8. 4 ; 18. 24, 25. 1 Pet. 4. 10. Rom. 12. 6. Fox, Acts and Monuments. 
 
96 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 Gospel that God had showed me in the Holy Word of Truth ; 
 which, when the Country understood, they came in to hear the 
 Word by hundreds, and that from all parts, though upon sun- 
 dry and divers accounts^ 
 5 272. And I thank God he gave unto me some measure of 
 bowels and pity for their Souls, which also did put me forward 
 to labour with great diligence and earnestness, to find out such 
 a word as might, if God would bless it, lay hold of, and awaken 
 the Conscience ; in which also the good Lord had respect to the 
 10 desire of his Servant. For I had not preached long before some 
 began to be touched, and to be greatly afflicted in their Minds 
 at the apprehension of the greatness of their Sin, and of their 
 need of Jesus Christ. 
 
 273. But I at first could not believe that God should speak 
 15 by me to the heart of any man, still counting myself unworthy ; 
 
 yet those who thus were touched would love me and have a 
 peculiar respect for me ; and though I did put it from me, that 
 they should be awakened by me, still they would confess it, and 
 affirm it before the Saints of God ; they would also bless God 
 20 for me (unworthy Wretch that I am !) and count me God's 
 Instrument that showed to them the way of Salvation. 
 
 274. Wherefore, seeing them in both their words and deeds to 
 be so constant, and also in their Hearts so earnestly pressing after 
 the knowledge of Jesus Christ, rejoicing that ever God did send 
 
 25 me where they were ; then I began to conclude it might be so, 
 that God had owned in his Work such a foolish one as I, and 
 then came that Word of God to my heart with much sweet 
 refreshment, The blessing of them that were ready to perish caine 
 upon me; yea I caused the Widow's heart to sing for joy. 1 
 
 30 2 7 5 . At this therefore I rejoiced ; yea, the tears of those whom 
 
 God did awaken by my Preaching would be both solace and 
 
 encouragement to me ; for I thought on those Sayings, Who 
 
 is he that maketh me glad but the same which is made sorry by 
 
 1 Job 29. 13. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 97 
 
 me ? 1 and again, Though I be not an Apostle to others, yet, doubt- 
 less, I am to you : for the seal of mine Apostleship are ye in the 
 Lord} These things, therefore, were as another argument unto 
 me that God had called me to, and stood by me in this Work. 
 
 276. In my preaching of the Word, I took special notice of 5 
 this one thing, namely, That the Lord did lead me to begin where 
 his Word begins with Sinners ; that is, to condemn all flesh, and 
 
 to open and allege that the Curse of God, by the Law, doth 
 belong to, and lay hold on all men as they come into the World, 
 because of Sin. Now this part of my Work I fulfilled with great 10 
 sense ; for the terrors of the Law, and guilt for my Transgres- 
 sions, lay heavy on my Conscience. I preached what I felt, what 
 I smartingly did feel, even that under which my poor Soul did 
 groan and tremble to astonishment. 
 
 277. Indeed I have been as one sent to them from the dead. 15 
 I went myself in Chains to preach to them in Chains ; and car- 
 ried that Fire in my own Conscience 'that I persuaded them to 
 beware of. I can truly say, and that without dissembling, that 
 when I have been to preach, I have gone full of guilt and terror 
 even to the Pulpit-door, and there it hath been taken off ; I have 20 
 been at liberty in my mind until I have done my work, and then 
 immediately, even before I could get down the Pulpit-stairs, I 
 have been as bad as I was before. Yet God carried me on, but 
 surely with a strong hand, for neither Guilt or Hell could take 
 me off my Work. 25 
 
 278. Thus I went for the space of two years, crying out 
 against men's sins, and their fearful state because of them. After 
 which the Lord came in upon my own soul with some staid peace 
 and comfort through Christ ; for he did give me many sweet 
 discoveries of his blessed Grace through him. Wherefore now 30 
 I altered in my preaching, (for still I preached what I saw and 
 felt ;) now therefore I did much labour to hold forth Jesus Christ 
 
 in all his Offices, Relations, and Benefits unto the World ; and 
 
 1 2 Cor. 2. 2. 2 1 Cor. 9. 2. 
 
98 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 did strive also to discover, to condemn, and remove those false 
 supports and props on which the World doth both lean, and by 
 them fall and perish. On these things also I staid as long as on 
 the other. 
 5 279. After this, God led me into something of the Mystery 
 of the Union with Christ. Wherefore that I discovered and 
 showed to them also. And when I had travelled through these 
 three chief points of the Word of God, about the space of five 
 years or more, I was caught in my present practice and cast into 
 10 Prison, where I have lain above as long again, to confirm the 
 Truth by way of suffering, as I was before in testifying of it 
 according to the Scriptures in a way of Preaching. 
 
 280. When I have been in Preaching, I thank God, my heart 
 hath often, all the time of this and the other exercise, with great 
 
 1 5 earnestness cried to God that he would make the Word effectual 
 to the Salvation of the Soul ; still being grieved lest the Enemy 
 should take the Word away from the Conscience, and so it 
 should become unfruitful. Wherefore I did labour so to speak 
 the Word, as that thereby, if it were possible, the Sin and Person 
 
 20 guilty might »be particularized by it. 
 
 281. Also, when I have done the exercise, it hath gone to my 
 heart to think the Word should now fall as Rain on stony places, 
 still wishing from my heart, O that they who have heard me speak 
 this day did but see as I do what Sin, Death, Hell, and the Curse 
 
 25 of God is ; and also what the Grace, and Love, and Mercy of. 
 God is, through Christ, to men in such a case as they are, who 
 are yet estranged from him. And, indeed, I did often say in my 
 heart before the Lord, That if to be hanged up presently before 
 their Eyes would be a means to awaken them, and cofifrm them 
 
 30 in the 7 ruth, I gladly should be co?ite?ited. 
 
 282. For I have been in my preaching, especially when I have 
 been engaged in the Doctrine of Life by Christ without works, 
 as if an Angel of God had stood by at my back to encourage 
 me. Oh, it hath been with such Power and heavenly Evidence 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 99 
 
 upon my own Soul, while I have been labouring to unfold it, to 
 demonstrate it, and to fasten it upon the Conscience of others, 
 that I could not be contented with saying, I believe, and am sure; 
 methought I was more than sure, (if it be lawful so to express 
 myself,) that those things which then I asserted were true. 5 
 
 283. When I went first to preach the Word abroad, the 
 Doctors and Priests of the Country did open wide against me. 
 But I was persuaded of this, not to render railing for railing, but 
 to see how many of their carnal Professors I could convince of 
 their miserable state by the Law, and of the want and worth of 10 
 Christ ; for, thought I, This shall a?iswerfor me in time to come, 
 when they shall be for my hire before their faces. 
 
 284. I never cared to meddle with things that were contro- 
 verted and in dispute amongst the Saints, especially things of the 
 lowest Nature ; yet it pleased me much to contend with great 1 5 
 earnestness for the Word of Faith and the Remission of Sins 
 by the Death and Sufferings of Jesus ; but I say, as to other 
 things, I should let them alone, because I saw they engendered 
 strife, and because that they neither, in doing nor in leaving un- 
 done, did commend us to God to be his. Besides, I saw my 20 
 Work before me did run in another Channel, even to carry an 
 awakening word ; to that therefore did I stick and adhere. 
 
 285. I never endeavoured to, nor durst make use of other 
 men's lines, 1 (though I condemn not all that do,) for I verily 
 thought, and found by experience, that what was taught me by 25 
 the Word and Spirit of Christ, could be spoken, maintained, and 
 stood to by the soundest and best established Conscience ; and 
 though I will not now speak all that I know in this matter, yet 
 my experience hath more interest in that text of Scripture, Gal. 
 
 i. 11, 12, than many amongst men are aware. 3° 
 
 286. If any of those who were awakened by my Ministry did 
 after that fall back, (as sometimes too many did,) I can truly say 
 their loss hath been more to me than if one of my own Children, 
 
 l Rom. 15. 20. 2 Cor. 10. 16. 
 
IOO GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 begotten of my body, had been going to its Grave. I think, verily, 
 I may speak it without an offence to the Lord, nothing hath 
 gone so near me as that, unless it was the fear of the loss of 
 the Salvation of my own Soul. I have counted as if I had goodly 
 5 Buildings and Lordships in those places where my Children were 
 born ; my heart hath been so wrapped up in the glory of this ex- 
 cellent Work, that I counted myself more blessed and honoured 
 of God by this than if he had made me the Emperor of the Chris- 
 tian World, or the Lord of all the glory of the Earth without it. 
 
 10 O these words, He that converteth a sinner from the error of his 
 way doth save a soul from death} The fruit of the righteous is a 
 Tree of Life ; and he that winneth souls is wise? They that be 
 wise shall shine as the brightness of the Firmament ; and they 
 that turn many to Righteousness as the Stars for ever and ever? 
 
 1 5 For what is our hope, or joy, Or crown of rejoicing 1 Are not even 
 ye in the presence of our Lord fesus Christ at his coming ? For 
 ye are our glory and joy} These, I say, with many others of a 
 like nature, have been great refreshments to me. 
 
 287. I have observed, that where I have had a Work to do 
 
 20 for God, I have had first, as it were, the going of God upon my 
 Spirit to desire I might preach there. I have also observed that 
 such and such Souls in particular have been strongly set upon 
 my heart, and I stirred up to wish for their Salvation ; and that 
 these very Souls have, after this, been given in as the fruits of my 
 
 25 Ministry. I have also observed, that a Word cast in by the by 
 hath done more execution in a Sermon than all that was spoken 
 besides ; sometimes also when I have thought I did no good, 
 then I did the most of all ; and at other times when I thought 
 I should catch them I have fished for nothing. 
 
 30 288. I have also observed, that where there hath been a Work 
 to do upon Sinners, there the Devil hath begun to roar in the 
 hearts, and by the mouths of his Servants. Yea, oftentimes 
 
 1 James 5. 20. 3 Dan. 12. 3. • 
 
 2 Frov. 11. 30. 4 1 Thess. 2. it,, 20. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS IOI 
 
 when the wicked World hath raged most, there hath been souls 
 awakened by the Word. I could instance particulars, but I 
 forbear. 
 
 289. My great desire in my fulfilling my Ministry was to get 
 into the darkest places of the Country, even amongst those peo- 5 
 pie that were furthest off of profession. Yet not because I could 
 not endure the Light, for I feared not to show my Gospel to 
 any, but because I found my spirit leaned most after awakening 
 and converting Work, and the Word that I carried did lead 
 itself most that way also ; yea, so have I strived to preach the 10 
 Gospel, not where Christ was named, lest I should build upon 
 a?iother man's Foundation} 
 
 290. In my preaching I have really been in pain, and have, 
 as it were, travailed to bring forth Children to God ; neither 
 could I be satisfied unless some fruits did appear in my Work. 15 
 If I were fruitless it mattered not who commended me ; but if 
 
 I were fruitful, I cared not who did condemn. I have thought 
 of that, He that ivinneth souls is wise ; 2 and again, Lo, children 
 are an Heritage of the Lo?'d ; and the fruit of the Womb is his 
 reward. As Arrows in the hand of a mighty man, so are Children 20 
 of the Youth. Happy is the man that hath filled his Quiver full 
 of them ; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the 
 E?iemies i?i the Gate. 2, 
 
 291. It pleased me nothing to see People drink in Opinions 
 
 if they seemed ignorant of Jesus Christ, and the worth of their 25 
 own Salvation, sound conviction for Sin, especially for Unbelief, 
 and an heart set on Fire to be saved by Christ, with strong 
 breathing after a truly scanctified Soul. That it was that delighted 
 me ; those were the Souls I counted blessed. 
 
 292. But in this Work, as in all other, I had my temptations 30 
 attending me, and that of diverse kinds ; as sometimes I should 
 be assaulted with great discouragement therein, fearing that I 
 should not.be able to speak the Word at all to edification ; nay, 
 
 1 Rom. 15. 20. 2 Prov. 11. 30. 3 Ps. 127. 3-5. 
 
102 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 that I should not be able to speak sense unto the people ; at 
 which times I should have such a strange faintness and strength- 
 lessness seize upon my body that my legs have scarce been able 
 to carry me to the place of Exercise. 
 5 293. Sometimes, again, when I have been preaching, I have 
 been violently assaulted with thoughts of blasphemy, and strongly 
 tempted to speak the words with my mouth before the Con- 
 gregation. I have also at some times, even when I have begun 
 to speak the Word with much clearness, evidence, and liberty of 
 
 10 speech, yet been before the ending of that Opportunity so blinded, 
 and so estranged from the things I have been speaking, and 
 have also been so straitened in my speech as to utterance before 
 the People, that I have been as if I had not known or remem- 
 bered what I have been about, or as if my head had been in a 
 
 15 bag all the time of the Exercise. 
 
 294. Again, when at sometimes I have been about to preach 
 upon some smart and searching portion of the Word, I have found 
 the Tempter suggest, What ! will you preach this ? this condemns 
 yourself; of this your own Soul is guilty. Wherefore preach not 
 
 20 of it at all ; or if you do, yet so mince it as to make way for your 
 own escape ; lest instead of awakening others, you lay that guilt 
 upon your own Soul, as you will never get from wider. 
 
 295. But, I thank the Lord, I have been kept from consent- 
 ing to these so horrid suggestions, and have rather, as Sampson, 
 
 25 bowed myself with all my might to condemn Sin and Trans- 
 gression wherever I found it ; yea, though therein also I did 
 bring guilt upon my own Conscience ! Let me die, thought I, 
 with the Philistines^- rather than deal corruptly with the blessed 
 Word of God, Thou that teachest another, teachest thou' not thy- 
 
 30 self? 2 It is far better that thou do judge thyself, even by preach- 
 ing plainly to others, than that thou, to save thyself, imprison 
 the Truth in Unrighteousness. Blessed be God for his help also 
 in this. 
 
 1 Judges 16. 29, 30. 2 Rom. 2. 21. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 103 
 
 296. I have also, while found in this blessed Work of Christ, 
 been often tempted to pride and liftings up of Heart ; and 
 though I dare not say I have not been infected with this, yet 
 truly the Lord, of his precious mercy, hath so carried it towards 
 me, that, for the most part, I have had but small joy to give way 5 
 to such a thing. For it hath been my every day's portion to be 
 let into the evil of my own heart, and still made to see such a 
 multitude of Corruptions and Infirmities therein, that it hath 
 caused hanging down of the head under all my Gifts and Attain- 
 ments. I have felt this thorn in the Flesh 1 the very God of mercy 10 
 to me. 
 
 297. I have had also, together with this, some notable place 
 or other of the Word presented before me, which word hath con- 
 tained in it some sharp and piercing Sentence concerning the 
 perishing of the Soul, notwithstanding gifts and parts. As, for 15 
 instance, that hath been of great use unto me, Though I speak 
 with the Tongue of Men and Angels, a?idhave not Charity, I am 
 become as soujiding Brass, and a ti?iklifig Cymbal} 
 
 298. A tinkling Cymbal is an Instrument of Music, with which 
 
 a skilful Player can make such melodious and heart-inflaming 20 
 Musick that all who hear him play can scarcely hold from dan- 
 cing ; and yet behold the Cymbal hath not Life, neither comes the 
 Musick from it, but because of the Art of him that plays there- 
 with ; so then the Instrument at last may come to nought and 
 perish, though, in times past such Musick hath been made upon it. 25 
 
 299. Just thus I saw it was and will be with them who have 
 Gifts, but want saving Grace. They are in the hand of Christ, 
 as the Cymbal in the hand of David ; and as David could, with 
 the Cymbal, make that Mirth in the Service of God, as to elevate 
 the hearts of the Worshippers, so Christ can use these gifted men 30 
 as with them to affect the Souls of his People in his Church ; 
 yet when he hath done all, hang them by as lifeless, though 
 sounding Cymbals. 
 
 1 2 Cor. 12. 7-9. 2 1 Cor. 13. 1, 2. 
 
104 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 300. This consideration, therefore, together with some others, 
 were, for the most part, as a Maul on the head of Pride and 
 desire of Vain-glory. What, thought I, shall I be proud because 
 I am a sounding brass ? Is it so much to be a Fiddle ? Hath ?wt 
 5 the least creature that hath life, more of God in it than these ? 
 Besides, I knew '/ was Love should never die, but these must cease 
 and vanish. So I concluded, a little Grace, a little Love, a little 
 of the true Fear of God, is better than all these Gifts. Yea, and 
 I am fully convinced of it, that it is possible for Souls that can 
 
 10 scarce give a man an answer but with great confusion as to 
 method, I say it is possible for them to have a thousand times 
 more Grace, and so to be more in the love and favour of the 
 Lord, than some who, by virtue of the Gift of Knowledge, can 
 deliver themselves like Angels. 
 
 15 301. Thus, therefore, I came to perceive, that though Gifts 
 in themselves were good to the thing for which they are designed, 
 to wit, the Edification of others ; yet empty and without power 
 to save the soul of him that hath them, if they be alone. Neither 
 are they, as so, any sign of a man's state to be happy, being 
 
 20 only a dispensation of God to some, of whose improvement or 
 non-improvement, they must, when a little love more is over, give 
 an account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead. 
 
 302. This showed me too, that gifts, being alone, were dan- 
 gerous, not in themselves, but because of those evils that attend 
 
 25 them that have them, to wit, Pride, Desire of Vain glory, Self- 
 conceit, &c, all which were easily blown up at the applause and 
 commendation of every unadvised Christian, to the endangering 
 of a poor Creature to fall into the condemnation of the Devil. 
 
 303. I saw therefore that he that hath Gifts had need be let 
 30 into a sight of the nature of them, to wit, that they come short 
 
 of making of him to be in a truly saved condition, lest he rest in 
 them, and so fall short of the grace of God. 
 
 304. He hath also cause to walk humbly with God, and be 
 little in his own Eyes, and to remember withal, that his Gifts are 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 105 
 
 not his own, but the Church's ; and that by them he is made a 
 Servant to the Church ; and he must give at last an account of 
 his Stewardship unto the Lord Jesus ; and to give a good account, 
 will be a blessed thing. 
 
 305. Let all men therefore prize a little with the fear of the 5 
 Lord. Gifts indeed are desirable, but yet great Grace and small 
 Gifts are better than great Gifts and no Grace. It doth not say, 
 the Lord gives Gifts and Glory, but the Lord gives Grace and 
 Glory ; * and blessed is such an one, to whom the Lord gives 
 Grace, true Grace, for that is a certain forerunner of Glory. 10 
 
 306. But when Satan perceived that his thus tempting and 
 assaulting of me would not answer his design, to wit, to over- 
 throw my Ministry, and make it ineffectual, as to the ends 
 thereof ; then he tried another way, which was to stir up the 
 minds of the ignorant and malicious, to load me with slanders 15 
 and reproaches, Now therefore I may say, That what the devil 
 could devise, and his instruments invent, was whirled up and 
 down the Country against me, thinking, as I said, that by that 
 means they should make my Ministry to be abandoned. 
 
 307. It began therefore to be rumoured up and down among 20 
 the people, that I was a Witch, a Jesuit, a Highwayman, and 
 the like. 
 
 308. To all which I shall only say, God knows that I am in- 
 nocent. But as for mine accusers, let them provide themselves 
 
 to meet me before the Tribunal of the Son of God, there to an- 25 
 swer for all these things, with all the rest of their iniquities, un- 
 less God shall give them Repentance for them, for the which I 
 pray with all my heart. 
 
 309. But that which was reported with the boldest confidence, 
 was, that I had my Misses, my Whores, my Bastards, yea, two 30 
 
 Wives ato?ice, and the like. Now these slanders, (with the other), 
 I glory in, because but slanders, foolish, or knavish lies, and 
 falsehoods cast upon me by the Devil and his seed ; and should 
 
 1 Ps. 84. II. 
 
106 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 I not be dealt with thus wickedly by the World, I should want 
 one sign of a Saint, and a Child of God. Blessed are you (said 
 the Lord Jesus) when men shall revile you, and persecute you, 
 and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake ; 
 5 rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in Heave?i; 
 for so persecuted they the Prophets which were before you} 
 
 310. These things therefore, upon mine own account, trouble 
 me not ; no, though they were twenty times more than they are. 
 I have a good Conscience, and whereas they speak evil of me, as an 
 
 10 evil doer, they shall be ashamed that falsely accuse my good Con- 
 versation in Christ?' 
 
 311. So then, what shall I say to those that have thus bespat- 
 tered me ? Shall I threaten them ? Shall I chide them ? Shall I 
 flatter them ? Shall I entreat them to hold their tongues ? No, 
 
 15 not I. Were it not for that these things make them ripe for 
 damnation that are the Authors and Abettors, I would say unto 
 them, Report it, 3 because it will increase my Glory. 
 
 312. Therefore I bind these lies and slanders to me as an or- 
 nament ; it belongs to my Christian Profession to be vilified, 
 
 20 slandered, reproached and reviled ; and since all this is nothing 
 else, as my God and my Conscience do bear me witness, I rejoice 
 in reproaches for Chris fs sake. 
 
 313. I also calling all those fools, or knaves, that have thus 
 made it anything of their business, to affirm any of the things 
 
 25 afore-named of me, namely, that I have been naught with other 
 Women, or the like. When they have used to the utmost of 
 their endeavours, and made the fullest inquiry that they can, to 
 prove against me truly, that there is any Woman in Heaven, or 
 Earth, or Hell, that can say, I have at any time, in any place, 
 
 3° by day or night, so much as attempted to be naught with them. 
 And speak I thus, to beg mine Enemies into a good esteem of 
 me ? No, not I : I will in this beg belief of no man. Believe or 
 disbelieve me in this, all is a case to me. 
 
 1 Matt. 5. n, 12. 2 j pet. 3. 16. 3 Jer. 20. 10. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 107 
 
 314. My foes have missed their mark in this their shooting 
 at me. I am not the man. I wish that they themselves be guilt- 
 less. If all the Fornicators and Adulterers in England were 
 hanged by the neck till they be dead, John Bunyan, the object 
 
 of their Envy, would be still alive and well. I know not whether 5 
 there be such a thing as a Woman breathing under the Copes 
 of the whole Heaven, but by their Apparel, their Children, or by 
 common Fame, except my Wife. 
 
 315. And in this I admire the Wisdom of God, that he made 
 me shy of Women from my first Conversion until now. Those 10 
 know and can also bear me witness, with whom I have been most 
 intimately concerned, that it is a rare thing to see me carry it 
 pleasant towards a Woman. The common salutation of a Woman 
 
 I abhor: 'tis odious to me in whomsoever I see it. Their com- 
 pany alone, I cannot away with. I seldom so much as touch a 15 
 Woman's Hand, for I think these things are not so becoming me. 
 When I have seen good men salute those Women that they have 
 visited or that have visited them, I have at times made my objec- 
 tion against it ; and when they have answered, that it was but a 
 piece of Civility, I have told them, it is not a Comely sight. Some 20 
 indeed have urged the Holy Kiss; but then I have asked why they 
 make baulks ? Why they did salute the most handsome, and let 
 the ill-favoured go ? Thus, how laudable soever such things have 
 been in the Eyes of others, they have been unseemly in my sight. 
 
 316. And now for a wind up in this matter, I calling not only 25 
 Men, but Angels, to prove me guilty of having carnally to do 
 with any Woman save my Wife ; nor am I afraid to do it a sec- 
 ond time, knowing that I cannot offend the Lord in such a case, 
 
 to call God for a Record upon my Soul, that in these things I 
 am innocent. Not that I have been thus kept, because of any 30 
 goodness in me more than any other ; but God has been mer- 
 ciful to me, and has kept me ; to whom I pray that he will keep 
 me still, not only from this, but from every evil way and work, 
 and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom. Amen. 
 
108 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 317. Now as Satan laboured by reproaches and slanders, to 
 make me vile among my Countrymen, that if possible, my 
 Preaching might be made of none effect, so there was added 
 hereto a long and tedious Imprisonment, that thereby I might 
 
 5 be frighted from my Service for Christ, and the World terrified 
 and made afraid to hear me Preach, of which I shall in the next 
 place give you a brief account. 
 
 A Brief Account of the Author's Imprisonment 
 
 318. Having made profession of the Glorious Gospel of Christ 
 a long time, and preached the same about five years, I was ap- 
 
 10 prehended at a Meeting of good People in the Country, (among 
 whom, had they let me alone, I should have preached that day, 
 but they took me away from amongst them,) and had me before 
 a Justice ; who, after I had offered security for my appearing at 
 the next Sessions, yet committed me, because my Sureties would 
 
 15 not consent to be bound that I should preach no more to the 
 People. 
 
 319. At the Sessions after I was indicted for an Upholder and 
 Maintainer of Unlawful Assemblies and Conventicles, and for 
 not conforming to the National Worship of the Church of Eng- 
 
 20 land ; and after some conference there with the Justices, they 
 taking my plain dealing with them for a Confession, as they 
 termed it, of the Indictment, did sentence me to perpetual 
 Banishment, because I refused to conform. So being again de- 
 livered up to the Gaoler's hands, I was had home to Prison 
 
 25 again, and there have lain now complete twelve years, waiting to 
 see what God would suffer these men to do with me. 
 
 320. In which condition I have continued with much content, 
 through Grace, but have met with many turnings and goings 
 upon my Heart, both from the Lord, Satan, and my own Cor- 
 
 30 ruptions ; by all which, (glory be to Jesus Christ,) I have also 
 received among many things, much Conviction, Instruction, and 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 109 
 
 Understanding, of which at large I shall not here discourse ; only 
 give you in a hint or two, a word that may stir up the Godly to 
 bless God, and to pray for me ; and also to take encourage- 
 ment, should the case be their own, not to fear what man can 
 do u7ito them. 5 
 
 321. I never had in all my life so great an inlet into the Word 
 of God as now. Them Scriptures that I saw nothing in before, 
 are made in this place and state to shine upon me. Jesus Christ 
 also was never more real and apparent than now. Here I have 
 seen him and felt him indeed. O that word, We have not 10 
 preached unto you cunningly devised fables ; x and that God raised 
 Christ from the dead, and gave him Glory, that your Faith and 
 Hope might be in God, 2 were blessed words unto me in this my 
 imprisoned Condition. 
 
 322. These three or four scriptures also have been great 15 
 refreshment in this condition to me. John xiv. 1-4. xvi. t>2>- 
 Col. iii. 3, 4. Heb. xii. 22-24. So that sometimes when I have 
 been in the savour of them, I have been able to laugh at des- 
 truction, and to fear neither the horse nor his rider? I have had 
 sweet sights of the Forgiveness of my Sins in this place, and of 20 
 my being with Jesus in another World. O, the mount Sion, the 
 heavenly Jerusalem^ the innumerable company of Angels, and God 
 the fudge of all, a?id the Spirits of fust men made perfect, and 
 Jesus? have been sweet unto me in this place. I have seen that 
 here, that I am persuaded I shall never, while in this world, be 25 
 able to express. I have seen a truth in that Scripture, Whom 
 having not seen, ye love ; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet 
 believing, ye rejoice with joy wispeakable and full of Glory? 
 
 323. I never knew what it was for God to stand by me at all 
 turns, and at every offer of Satan to afflict me, &c., as I have 30 
 found him since I came in hither. For look, how fears have 
 presented themselves so have supports and encouragements ; 
 
 1 2 Pet. 1. 16. 2 1 Pet. 1. 21. 3 Job 39. iS. 
 
 4 Heb. 12. 22-24. 5 1 Pet. 1. S. 
 
IIO GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 yea, when I have started even as it were at nothing else but my 
 shadow, yet God, as being very tender of me, hath not suffered 
 me to be molested, but would with one Scripture and another 
 strengthen me against all ; insomuch that I have often said, 
 5 Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater 
 comfort's sake} 
 
 324. Before I came to Prison, I saw what was a-coming, and 
 had especially two Considerations warm upon my heart. The 
 first was how to be able to endure, should my imprisonment be 
 
 10 long and tedious ; the second was how to be able to encounter 
 death, should that be here my portion. For the first of these, 
 that Scripture was great information to me, namely, to pray to 
 God to be strengthened with all might, according to his glorious 
 power, unto all patience and long-suffering with jojfulness. 2 I 
 
 1 5 could seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned, but not for 
 so little as a year together, this Sentence or sweet petition would, 
 as it were, thrust itself into my mind, and persuade me, that if 
 ever I would go through long-suffering, I must have all patience, 
 especially if I would endure it joyfully. 
 
 20 325. As to the second Consideration, that saying was of great 
 use to me, But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we 
 should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead? 
 By this Scripture I was made to see, that if ever I would suffer 
 rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that 
 
 25 can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, 
 
 my Wife, my Children, my Health, my Enjoyments, and all, as 
 
 dead to me, and myself as dead to them. He that loveth father 
 
 or mother, son or daughter, more than me, is not worthy of me. 4 
 
 326. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible. As 
 
 30 Paul said in another place, the way not to faint, is to look not 
 at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen : 
 for the things which are seen are temporal ; but the things which 
 
 1 Eccles. 7. 14. 2 Cor. 1. 5. 3 2 Cor. 1. 9. 
 
 2 Col. 1. 11. 4 Matt. 10. 37. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS in 
 
 are not .seen are eternal} And thus I reasoned with myself. If 
 I provide only for a Prison, then the Whip comes at unawares ; 
 and so does also the Pillory. Again, if I provide only for these, 
 then I am not fit for Banishment; further, if I conclude that 
 Banishment is the worst, then if Death come I am surprised. 5 
 So that I see the best way to go through sufferings is to trust 
 in God through Christ, as touching the World to come ; and as 
 touching this World, to count the Grave my House, to ?nake my 
 Bed in Darkness, and to say to Corruption, Thou art my Father, 
 and to the Worm, Thou art my Mother and Sister. 2 That is, to 10 
 familiarize these things to me. 
 
 327. But notwithstanding these helps, I found myself a man, 
 and compassed with Infirmities. The parting with my Wife 
 and poor Children hath often been to me in this place as the 
 pulling the Flesh from my Bones ; and that not only because 1 5 
 I am somewhat too fond of these great Mercies, but also be- 
 cause I should have often brought to my mind the many hard- 
 ships, miseries and wants that my poor Family was like to meet 
 with, should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind 
 Child, who lay nearer my heart than all I had besides. O the 20 
 thoughts of the hardship I thought my Blind-one might go un- 
 der, would break my Heart to pieces. 
 
 328. Poor Child, thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have 
 for thy portion in this world! Thou must be beaten, must beg, 
 suffer hunger, cold, naked?iess, and a thousand calamities, though 25 
 / cannot now endure the Wind should blow upon thee. But yet 
 recalling myself, thought I, / must veftture you all with God, 
 though it goeth to the quick to leave you. O, I saw in this condition 
 
 I was as a man who was pulling down his House upon the 
 Head of his Wife and Children ; yet, thought I, I must do it, 30 
 I must do it. And now I thought on those two Milch-kine that 
 were to carry the Ark of God into another Country \ and to leave 
 their Calves behind them? 
 
 1 2 Cor. 4. 18. 2 Job 17. 13-14. 3 1 Sam. 6. 10-12. 
 
112 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 329. But that which helped me in this temptation was divers 
 Considerations, of which three in special here I will name. The 
 first was the consideration of those two Scriptures, Leave thy 
 fatherless children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy widows 
 
 5 trust in me. And again, The Lord said, Verily it shall be well 
 with thy Remna7it ; verily L will cause the Enemy to entreat thee 
 well in the time of evil, 1 &c. 
 
 330. I had also this Consideration, that if I should now 
 venture all for God, I engaged God to take care of my Con- 
 
 10 cernments ; but if I forsook him and his ways, for fear of any 
 trouble that should come to me or mine, then I should not only 
 falsify my Profession, but should count also that my Concern- 
 ments were not so sure, if left at God's feet while I stood to 
 and for his Name, as they would be, if they were under my 
 
 15 own tuition, though with the denial of the way of God. This 
 was a smarting consideration, and was as Spurs unto my Flesh. 
 That Scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon 
 me, where Christ prays against fudas? that God would disap- 
 point him in all his selfish thoughts, which moved him to sell 
 
 20 his Master. Pray read it soberly. 
 
 331. I had also another Consideration, and that was, the 
 dread of the Torments of Hell, which I was sure they must 
 partake of, that for fear of the Cross do shrink from their Pro- 
 fession of Christ, his Words, and Laws, before the Sons of men. 
 
 25 I also thought of the Glory that he had prepared for those that, 
 in Faith, and Love, and Patience, stood to his Ways before them. 
 These things, I say, have helped me, when the thoughts of the 
 misery that both myself and mine, might, for the sake of my 
 Profession, be exposed to, hath lain pinching on my Mind. 
 
 30 332. When I have indeed conceited that I might be ban- 
 ished for my Profession, then I have thought of that Scripture, 
 They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were 
 slain with the sword ; they wandered about in Sheep-skins and 
 
 1 Jer. 49. 11 ; 15. 11. 2 Ps. 109. 6-20. 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 113 
 
 Goat-skins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the World 
 was not worthy?- for all they thought they were too bad to dwell 
 and abide amongst them. I have also thought of that saying, 
 The Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, that Bonds and Afflic- 
 tions abide me. 2 I have verily thought that my soul and it have 5 
 sometimes reasoned about the sore and sad estate of a ban- 
 ished and exiled condition, how they are exposed to Hunger, 
 to Cold, to Perils, to Nakedness, to Enemies, and a thousand 
 Calamities ; and at last, it may be, to die in a Ditch, like a poor 
 forlorn and desolate Sheep. But I thank God, hitherto I have 10 
 not been moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have 
 rather, by them, more approved my heart to God. 
 
 333. I will tell you a pretty business. I was once above all 
 the rest in a very sad and low Condition for many Weeks ; at 
 which time also I being but a young Prisoner and not acquainted 1 5 
 with the Laws, had this lay much upon my Spirit, That my 
 Imprisonment might end at the Gallows for aught that I could 
 tell. Now, therefore, Satan laid hard at me to beat me out of 
 heart, by suggesting thus unto me, But how if when you come 
 indeed to die, you should be in this Conditio?i ; that is, as not to 20 
 savour the things of God, nor to have any evidence upon your 
 Soul for a better state hereafter ? (For indeed at that time all 
 the things of God were hid from my Soul.) 
 
 334. Wherefore, when I at. first began to think of this, it 
 was a great trouble to me ; for I thought with myself, that in 25 
 the Condition I now was in, I was riot fit to die, neither indeed 
 did think I could, if I should be called to it. Besides, I thought 
 with myself, if I should make a scrabbling shift to clamber up 
 the Ladder, yet I should either with quaking, or other symptoms 
 of faintings, give occasion to the Enemy to reproach the Way of 30 
 God and his People, for their timorousness. This therefore lay 
 with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die 
 with a pale Face, and tottering Knees, for such a cause as this. 
 
 1 Heb. 11. 37-38. 2 Acts 20. 23. 
 
114 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 335. Wherefore, I prayed to God that he would comfort me, 
 and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me 
 to. Yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid. I was also 
 at this time so really possessed with the thought of Death, 
 
 5 that oft I was as if I was on the Ladder with a Rope about 
 my Neck ; only this was some encouragement to me, I thought 
 I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words to a 
 Multitude, which I thought would come to see me die ; and, 
 thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one Soul by 
 10 my very last words, I shall not count my Life thrown away, 
 nor lost. 
 
 336. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, 
 and still the Tempter followed me with, But whither must you 
 go when you die ? What will become of you ? Where will you 
 
 1 5 be found in another world ? What evidence have you for Heaven 
 and Glory, and an Inheritance among them that are Sanctifed ? 
 Thus was I tossed for many Weeks, and knew not what to do. 
 At last this Consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was 
 for the Word and way of God, that I was in this Condition, 
 
 20 wherefore I was engaged not to flinch a hair's breadth from it. 
 
 337. I thought also, that God might choose, whether he 
 would give me comfort now or at the hour of Death ; but I 
 might not therefore choose whether I would hold my Profes- 
 sion or no. I was bound, but he was free : yea, 't was my duty 
 
 25 to stand to his Word, whether he would ever look upon me or 
 no, or save me at the last. Wherefore, thought I, the point being 
 thus, I am for going on, and ve?ituring my eternal State with 
 Christ, whether I have comfort here or no. If God doth not come 
 in, thought I, I will leap off the ladder even bli?idfold into 
 
 30 Eternity, sink or swim, come Heaven, come Hell. lord fesus, if 
 thou wilt catch me, do ; if not, Ivill venture for thy Name. 
 
 338. I was no sooner fixed upon this Resolution, but that 
 word dropped upon me, Doth fob serve God for nought ? As 
 if the Accuser had said, Lord, Job is 110 upright Man, he serves 
 
TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 15 
 
 thee for by-respects : hast thou not made a Hedge about him, &c. 
 but put forth thi?ie Hand now, and touch all that he hath, and 
 he will curse thee to thy Face} How now, thought I, is this the 
 sign of an upright Soul, to desire to serve God, when all is taken 
 from him ? Is he a godly Man, that will serve God for nothing 5 
 rather than give out ? Blessed be God, then, I hope I have an up- 
 right Heart, for I am resolved, (God giving me strength,) never 
 to deny my Profession, though I have nothing at all for my Pains ; 
 and as I was thus considering, that Scripture was set before me. 2 
 
 339. Now was my Heart full of Comfort, for I hoped it was 10 
 sincere. I would not have been without this Trial for much. I 
 am comforted every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless 
 God for ever for the teaching I have had by it. Many more of 
 the dealings of God towards me I might relate, but these, out 
 of the spoils wo ft in Battle have I dedicated to maintain the 15 
 house of God? 
 
 The Conclusion 
 
 1. Of all the Temptations that ever I met with in my life, to 
 question the Being of God and Truth of his Gospel is the worst, 
 and the worst to be borne. When this Temptation comes it 
 takes away my Girdle from me and removeth the Foundation 20 
 from under me. O, I have often thought of that word, Have 
 your Loins girt about with Truth ; and of that, When the Foun- 
 dations are destroyed, what can the Righteous do ? 
 
 2. Sometimes, when after sin committed I have looked for 
 sore Chastisement from the Hand of God, the very next that I 25 
 have had from him hath been the discovery of his Grace. Some- 
 times, when I have been comforted, I have called myself a Fool 
 for my so sinking under trouble. And then again when I have 
 been cast down I thought I was not wise, to give such way to 
 comfort. With such strength and weight have both these been 30 
 upon me. 
 
 1 Job 1. 9, 11. 2 Ps. 44. 12-26. 3 1 Chron. 26. 27. 
 
Il6 GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 3. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God 
 doth visit my Soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, 
 yet I have found again, that such hours have attended me after- 
 wards, that I have been in my Spirit so filled with darkness, 
 
 5 that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and 
 that Comfort was with which I have been refreshed. 
 
 4. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I 
 could well tell how to stand under ; and yet at another time the 
 whole Bible hath been to me as dry as a stick ; or rather, my 
 
 10 Heart hath been so dead and dry unto it that I could not conceive 
 the least dram of Refreshment, though I have look it all over. 
 
 5. Of all tears, they are the best that are made by the Blood 
 of Christ ; and of all Joy, that is the sweetest that is mixed with 
 mourning over Christ. Oh ! it is a goodly thing to be on our 
 
 15 knees, with Christ in our Arms, before God. I hope I know 
 something of these things. 
 
 6. I find to this day seven Abominations in my Heart : 
 1. Inclinings to Unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the Love and 
 Mercy that Christ manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the Works of 
 
 20 the Law. 4. Wanderings and coldness in Prayer. 5. To for- 
 get to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt to murmur because I 
 have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can 
 do none of those things which God commands me, but my 
 Corruptions will thrust in themselves. When I would do good, 
 
 25 evil is present ivith me. 
 
 7. These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted 
 and oppressed with ; yet the Wisdom of God doth order them 
 for my good. 1. They make me abhor myself. 2. They keep 
 me from trusting my Heart. 3. They convince me of the In- 
 
 30 sufficiency of all inherent Righteousness. 4. They show me the 
 necessity of fleeing to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray unto 
 God. 6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober. 
 7. And provoke me to look to God, through Christ, to help 
 me, and carry me through this world. Amen. 
 
A RELATION 
 
 IMPRISONMENT OF MR. JOHN BUNYAN, 
 
 Minister of the Gospel at Bedford, in November, 1660. 
 
 HIS EXAMINATION BEFORE THE JUSTICES; 
 
 HIS CONFERENCE WITH THE CLERK OF THE PEACE; WHAT 
 
 PASSED BETWEEN THE JUDGES AND 
 
 HIS WIFE WHEN SHE PRESENTED A PETITION FOR 
 
 HIS DELIVERANCE; ETC. 
 
 Written by himself, and never before Published. 
 
 ' Blessed are ye which are persecuted for righteousness' sake : for yours is the kingdom 
 of heaven. Blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you ; and shall say 
 all manner of evil against you falsely, for my name's sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad : 
 for great is your reward in heaven : for so persecuted they the prophets which were before 
 you.' — Mat. v. 10—12. 
 
 London : Printed for James Buckland, at the Buck, in Paternoster Row. 
 
 MDCCLXV. 
 
 II 7 
 
The Relation of my Imprisonment in the month of November 
 ^660. When, by the good hand of my God, I had for five or six 
 years together, without any great interruption, freely preached the 
 blessed Gospel of our Lord fesus Christ ; and had also, through 
 5 his blessed Grace, some encouragement by his blessing thereupon ; 
 the Devil, that old enemy of mail's salvation, took his opportunity 
 to inflame the hearts of his vassals against me, insomuch that at 
 the last I was laid out for by the warrant of a justice, a?id was 
 taken and committed to prison. The relation thereof is as follow eth : 
 
 10 Upon the 12th of this instant November 1660, I was desired 
 by some of the friends in the country to come to teach at 
 Samsell, by Harlington, in Bedfordshire. To whom I made 
 a promise, if the Lord permitted, to be with them on the time 
 aforesaid. The justice hearing thereof, (whose name is Mr. 
 
 15 Francis Wingate,) forthwith issued out his warrant to take me, 
 and bring me before him, and in the meantime to keep a very 
 strong watch about the house where the meeting should be kept, 
 as if we that was to meet together in that place did intend to do 
 some fearful business, to the destruction of the country ; when, 
 
 20 alas, the constable, when he came in, found us only with our 
 Bibles in our hands, ready to speak and hear the Word of God ; 
 for we was just about to begin our exercise. Nay, we had begun 
 in prayer for the blessing of God upon our opportunity, intend- 
 ing to have preached the Word of the Lord unto them there 
 
 25 present. But the constable coming in prevented us. So that I 
 was taken and forced to depart the room. But had I been 
 minded to have played the coward I could have escaped and 
 kept out of his hands. For when I was come to my friend's 
 house there was whispering that that day I should be taken, for 
 
 30 there was a warrant out to take me ; which when my friend heard, 
 
 118 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 119 
 
 he being somewhat timorous, questioned whether we had best 
 have our meeting or not ; and whether it might not be better 
 for me to depart, lest they should take me and have me before 
 the Justice, and after that send me to prison, (for he knew better 
 than I what spirit they were of, living by them ;) to whom I said, 5 
 No, by no means, I will not stir, neither will I have the meeting 
 dismissed for this. Come be of good cheer, let us not be daimted ; 
 our cause is good, we need not be ashamed of it ; to preach God's 
 Word it is so good a work, that we shall be well rewarded, if zve 
 suffer for that, or to this purpose ; but as for my friend, I think 10 
 he was more afraid of me, than of himself. After this I walked 
 into the close, where, I somewhat seriously considering the mat- 
 ter, this came into my mind, That I had showed myself hearty 
 and courageous in my preaching, and had, blessed be Grace, 
 made it my business to encourage others ; therefore, thought I, 15 
 if I should now run, and make an escape, it will be of a very ill 
 savour in the country. For what will my weak and newly con- 
 verted brethren think of it but that I was not so strong in deed 
 as I was in word ? Also I feared that if I should run, now there 
 was a warrant out for me, I might by so doing make them afraid 20 
 to stand, when great words only should be spoken to them. 
 Besides, I thought, that seeing God of his mercy should choose 
 me to go upon the forlorn hope in this country ; that is, to be 
 the first, that should be opposed, for the gospel ; if I should fly, 
 it might be a discouragement to the whole body that might follow 25 
 after. And further, I thought the world thereby would take occa- 
 sion at my cowardliness to have blasphemed the gospel, and to 
 have had some ground to suspect worse of me and my profession 
 than I deserved. These things with others considered by me, I 
 came in again to the house with a full resolution to keep the 30 
 meeting, and not to go away, though I could have been gone 
 about an hour before the officer apprehended me ; but I would 
 not ; for I was resolved to see the utmost of what they could say 
 or do unto me. For blessed be the Lord, I knew of no evil that 
 
120 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 I had said or done. And so, as aforesaid, I began the meet- 
 ing ; but being prevented by the constable's coming in with 
 his warrant to take me, I could not proceed. But before I went 
 away, I spake some few words of counsel and encouragement 
 5 to the people, declaring to them that they saw we was prevented 
 of our opportunity to speak and hear the Word of God, and was 
 like to suffer for the same : desiring them that they should not 
 be discouraged, for it was a mercy to suffer upon so good account. 
 For we might have been apprehended as thieves or murderers, 
 
 10 or for other wickedness ; but blessed be God it was not so, but 
 we suffer as Christians for well doing : and we had better be the 
 persecuted than the persecutors, &c. But the constable and the 
 justice's man waiting on us would not be at quiet till they had 
 me away, and that we departed the house. But because the 
 
 15 justice was not at home that day, there was a friend of mine 
 engaged for me to bring me to the constable on the morrow 
 morning. Otherwise the constable must have charged a watch 
 with me, or have secured me some other ways, my crime was 
 so great. So on the next morning we went to the constable, and 
 
 20 so to the justice. He asked the constable what we did, where 
 we was met together, and what we had with us ? I trow, he meant 
 whether we had armour or not ; but when the constable told 
 him, that there was only met a few of us together to preach and 
 hear the Word, and no sign of anything else, he could not well 
 
 25 tell what to say : yet because he had sent for me, he did adven- 
 ture to put out a few proposals to me, which was to this effect, 
 namely, What I did there ? and why I did not content myself 
 with following my calling ? for it was against the law, that such 
 as I should be admitted to do as I did. 
 
 30 John JBunyan. To which I answered, that the intent of my 
 coming thither, and to other places, was to instruct, and counsel 
 people to forsake their sins, and close in with Christ, lest they 
 did miserably perish ; and that I could do both these without 
 confusion, (to wit,) follow my calling, and preach the Word also. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 121 
 
 At which words, he was in a chafe, as it appeared ; for he said 
 that he would break the neck of our meetings. 
 
 Bun. I said, it may be so. Then he wished me to get sureties 
 to be bound for me, or else he would send me to the jail. 
 
 My sureties being ready, I called them in, and when the bond 5 
 for my appearance was made, he told them, that they was bound 
 to keep me from preaching ; and that if I did preach, their bonds 
 would be forfeited. To which I answered, that then I should 
 break them ; for I should not leave speaking the Word of God ; 
 even to counsel, comfort, exhort, and teach the people among 10 
 whom I came ; and I thought this to be a work that had no hurt 
 in it : but was rather worthy of commendation than blame. 
 
 Wingate. Whereat he told me, that if they would not be so 
 bound, my mittimus must be made, and I sent to the jail, there 
 to lie to the quarter-sessions. 15 
 
 Now while my mittimus was a making, the justice was with- 
 drawn ; and in comes an old enemy to the truth, Dr. Lindale, 
 who, when he was come in, fell to taunting at me with many 
 reviling terms. 
 
 Bun. To whom I answered, that I did not come thither to 20 
 talk with him, but with the justice. Whereat he supposed that I 
 had nothing to say for myself, and triumphed as if he had got 
 the victory ; charging and condemning me for meddling with that 
 for which I could show no warrant ; and asked me, if I had 
 taken the oaths ? and if I had not, 'twas pity but that I should 25 
 be sent to prison, &c. 
 
 I told him, that if I was minded I could answer to any sober 
 question that he should put to me. He then urged me again, 
 how I could prove it lawful for me to preach, with a great deal 
 of confidence of the victory. 30 
 
 But at last, because he should see that I could answer him if 
 I listed, I cited to him that verse in Peter, which saith, As every 
 man hath received the gift, even so let him minister the same, &C. 1 
 1 1 Pet. 4. 10. 
 
122 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Lind. Aye, saith he, to whom is that spoken ? 
 
 Bun. To whom ? said I, why, to every man that hath received 
 a gift from God. Mark, saith the apostle, As every man that hath 
 received a gift from God, &c. And again, You may all prophesy 
 5 one by one. 1 Whereat the man was a little stopt, and went a 
 softlier pace : but not being willing to lose the day, he began 
 again, and said : 
 
 Lind. Indeed I do remember that I have read of one Alex- 
 ander a Coppersmith, who did much oppose and disturb the 
 10 apostles ; — (aiming, 'tis like, at me, because I was a Tinker.)) 
 
 Bun. To which I answered, that I also had read of very many 
 priests and pharisees that had their hands in the blood of our 
 Lord Jesus Christ. 
 
 Lind. Aye, saith he, and you are one of those scribes and 
 1 5 pharisees : for you, with a pretence, make long prayers to de- 
 vour widows' houses. 
 
 Bun. I answered, that if he had got no more by preaching 
 
 and praying than I had done, he would not be so rich as he now 
 
 was. But that Scripture coming into my mind, Answer not a 
 
 20 fool according to his folly? I was as sparing of my speech as I 
 
 could, without prejudice to truth. 
 
 Now by this time my mittimus was made, and I committed to 
 the constable to be sent to the jail in Bedford, &c. 
 
 But as I was going, two of my brethren met with me by the 
 25 way, and desired the constable to stay, supposing that they should 
 prevail with the justice, through the favour of a pretended friend, 
 to let me go at liberty. So we did stay, while they went to the 
 justice ; and after much discourse with him, it came to this ; 
 that if I would come to him again, and say some certain words 
 30 to him, I should be released. Which when they told me, I said 
 if the words was such that might be said with a good conscience, 
 I should, or, else, I should not. So through their importunity I 
 went back again, but not believing that I should be delivered : for 
 
 1 1 Cor. 14. 31. 2 Prov. 26. 4. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 123 
 
 I feared their spirit was too full of opposition to the truth to 
 let me go, unless I should in something or other dishonour my 
 God, and wound my conscience. Wherefore, as I went, I lift 
 up my heart to God for light and strength to be kept that I 
 might not do anything that might either dishonour him or wrong 5 
 my own soul, or be a grief or discouragement to any that was 
 inclining after the Lord Jesus Christ. 
 
 Well, when I came to the justice again there was Mr. Foster 
 of Bedford, who coming out of another room, and seeing me 
 by the light of the candle, (for it was dark night when I went 10 
 thither,) he said unto me, Who is there ? John Bunyan ? with 
 such seeming affection, as if he would have leaped in my neck 
 and kissed me, which made me somewhat wonder, that such a 
 man as he, with whom I had so little acquaintance, and, besides, 
 that had ever been a close opposer of the ways of God, should 15 
 carry himself so full of love to me. But, afterwards, when I saw 
 what he did, it caused me to remember those sayings, Their 
 to?igues are smoother than oil, but their words are drawn sivords} 
 And again, Beware of men, &c. 2 When I had answered him, that 
 blessed be God I was well, he said, What is the occasion of your 20 
 being here? or to that purpose. To whom I answered, that I 
 was at a meeting of people a little way off, intending to speak a 
 word of exhortation to them ; but the justice hearing thereof, - 
 (said I,) was pleased to send his warrant to fetch me before 
 him, &c. 25 
 
 Foster. So, (said he,) I understand ; but well, if you will 
 promise to call the people no more together, you shall have your 
 liberty to go home ; for my brother is very loth to send you to 
 prison, if you will be but ruled. 
 
 Bun. Sir, (said I,) pray what do you mean by calling the 30 
 people together? My business is not anything among them 
 when they are come together but to exhort them to look after 
 the salvation of their souls, that they may be saved, &c. 
 1 Ps. 55. 21. 2 Matt. 10. 17. 
 
124 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Fost. Saith he, We must not enter into explication or dispute 
 now ; but if you will say you will call the people no more to- 
 gether, you may have your liberty ; if not, you must be sent 
 away to prison. 
 5 Bun. Sir, said I, I shall not force or compel any man to hear 
 me ; but yet, if I come into any place where there is a people 
 met together, I should, according to the best of my skill and 
 wisdom, exhort and counsel them to seek out after the Lord 
 Jesus Christ, for the salvation of their souls. 
 10 Fost. He said, that was none of my work ; I must follow 
 my calling ; and if I would but leave off preaching, and follow 
 my calling, I should have the justice's favour, and be acquitted 
 presently. 
 
 Bun. To whom I said, that I could follow my calling and that 
 1 5 too, namely, preaching the Word ; and I did look upon it as my 
 duty to do them both, as I had an opportunity. 
 
 Fost. He said, to have any such meetings was against the 
 law ; and, therefore, he would have me leave off, and say I would 
 call the people no more together. 
 20 Bun. To whom I said, that I durst not make any further 
 promise ; for my conscience would not suffer me to do it. And 
 again, I did look upon it as my duty to do as much good as I 
 could, not only in my trade, but also in communicating to all 
 people, wheresoever I came, the best knowledge I had in the 
 25 Word. 
 
 Fost. He told -me that I was the nearest the Papists of any ; 
 and that he would convince me of immediately. 
 
 Bun. I asked him wherein ? 
 
 Fost. He said, in that we understood the Scriptures literally. 
 30 Bun. I told him that those that were to be understood liter- 
 ally, we understood them so ; but for those that was to be un- 
 derstood otherwise, we endeavoured so to understand them. 
 
 Fost. He said, which of the Scriptures do you understand lit- 
 erally ? 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 125 
 
 Bun. I said this, He that believeth shall be saved} This was 
 to be understood just as it is spoken ; that whosoever believeth 
 in Christ shall, according to the plain and simple words of the 
 text, be saved. 
 
 Fost. He said that I was ignorant, and did not understand the 5 
 Scriptures ; for how, (said he,) can you understand them when 
 you know not the original Greek ? &c. 
 
 Bun. To whom I said, that if that was his opinion, that 
 none could understand the Scriptures but those that had the 
 original Greek, &c, then but a very few of the poorest sort 10 
 should be saved ; (this is harsh ;) yet the Scripture saith, 
 That God hides his things from the wise and prude?it, that is, 
 from the learned of the world, and reveals them to babes and 
 sucklings. 
 
 Fost. He said there was none that heard me but a company 1 5 
 of foolish people. 
 
 Bun. I told him that there was the wise as well as the foolish 
 that do hear me ; and again, those that are most commonly 
 counted foolish by the world are the wisest before God ; also, 
 that God had rejected the wise, and mighty, and noble, and 20 
 chosen the foolish and the base. 
 
 Fost. He told me that I made people neglect their calling ; 
 and that God had commanded people to work six days, and 
 serve him on the seventh. 
 
 Bun. I told him that it was the duty of people, (both rich and 25 
 poor,) to look out for their souls on them days as well as for 
 their bodies ; and that God would have his people exhort one 
 another daily, while it is called to-day} 
 
 Fost. He said again that there was none but a company of 
 poor, simple, ignorant people that came to hear me. 30 
 
 Bun. I told him that the foolish and ignorant had most need 
 of teaching and information ; and, therefore, it would be profit- 
 able for me to go on in that work. 
 
 1 Mark 16. 16. 2 Heb. 3. 13. 
 
126 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Fost. Well ; said he, to conclude, but will you promise that 
 you will not call the people together any more ? and then you 
 may be released and go home. 
 
 Bun. I told him that I durst say no more than I had said ; 
 5 for I durst not leave off that work which God had called me to. 
 So he withdrew from me, and then came several of the jus- 
 tice's servants to me, and told me that I stood so much upon a 
 nicety. Their master, they said, was willing to let me go ; and 
 if I would but say I would call the people no more together, I 
 io might have my liberty, &c. 
 
 Bun. I told them there were more ways than one in which 
 a man might be said to call the people together. As, for instance, 
 if a man get upon the market place, and there read a book, or the 
 like, though he do not say to the people, Sirs, come hither and 
 1 5 hear ; yet if they come to him because he reads, he, by his very 
 reading, may be said to call them together ; because they would 
 not have been there to hear if he had not been there to read. 
 And seeing this might be termed a calling the people together, 
 I durst not say I would not call them together ; for then, by the 
 20 same argument, my preaching might be said to call them together. 
 Whig, and Fost. Then came the justice and Mr. Foster to me 
 again ; (we had a little more discourse about preaching, but be- 
 cause the method of it is out of my mind, I pass it ;) and when they 
 saw that I was at a point, and would not be moved nor persuaded, 
 25 Mr. Foster told the justice that then he must send me away 
 to prison. And that he would do well, also, if he would present 
 all those that were the cause of my coming among them to 
 meetings. Thus we parted. 
 
 And, verily, as I was going forth of the doors, I had much 
 30 ado to forbear saying to them that I carried the peace of God 
 along with me ; but I held my peace, and, blessed be the Lord, 
 went away to prison, with God's comfort in my poor soul. 
 
 After I had lain in the jail five or six days, the brethren sought 
 means, again, to get me out by bondsmen; (for so run my 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 127 
 
 mittimus, that I should lie there till I could find sureties.) They 
 went to a justice at Elstow, one Mr. Crumpton, to desire him 
 to take bond for my appearing at the quarter-sessions. At the 
 first he told them he would ; but afterwards he made a demur 
 at the business, and desired first to see my mittimus, which run 5 
 to this purpose : That I went about to several conventicles in 
 this county, to the great disparagement of the government of the 
 church of England, &c. When he had seen it, he said that there 
 might be something more against me than was expressed in my 
 mittimus ; and that he was but a young man, and, therefore, he 10 
 durst not do it. This my jailer told me ; whereat I was not at 
 all daunted, but rather glad, and saw evidently that the Lord had 
 heard me ; for before I went down to the justice, I begged of 
 God that if I might do more good by being at liberty than in 
 prison that then I might be set at liberty ; but if not, his will be 1 5 
 done. For I was not altogether without hopes but that my im- 
 prisonment might be an awakening to the Saints in the country, 
 therefore I could not tell well which to choose ; only I, in that 
 manner, did commit the thing to God. And verily, at my return, 
 I did meet my God sweetly in the prison again, comforting of 20 
 me and satisfying of me that it was his will and mind that I 
 should be there. 
 
 When I came back again to prison, as I was musing at the 
 slender answer of the Justice, this word dropped in upon my heart 
 with some life, For he knew that for envy they had delivered him} 25 
 
 Thus have I, in short, declared the manner and occasion of 
 my being in prison ; where I lie waiting the good will of God, 
 to do with me as he pleaseth ; knowing that not one hair of my 
 head can fall to the ground without the will of my Father which 
 is in Heaven. Let the rage and malice of man be never so great, 30 
 they can do no more, nor go no further, than God permits them ; 
 but when they have done their worst, we know that all things 
 work together for good to them that love God. Farewell. 
 1 Matt. 27. 18. 
 
128 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Here is the Sum of my Examinatio?i before fustice Keelin, fustice 
 Chester, fustice Blundale, fustice Beecher, and fustice Snagg, &>c. 
 
 After I had lain in prison above seven weeks, the quarter-ses- 
 sions was to be kept in Bedford, for the county thereof, unto 
 which I was to be brought ; and when my jailer had set me before 
 those justices, there was a bill of indictment preferred against 
 5 me. The extent thereof was as followeth : That fohn Bunyan, 
 of the town of Bedford, labourer, being a person of such and such 
 conditions, he hath, (since such a time,) devilishly and perniciously 
 abstained from coming to church to hear Divine service, and is a 
 common upholder of several unlawful meetings and conve?iticles,to 
 10 the great disticrbance and distractio?i of the good subjects of this 
 kingdom, contrary to the laws of our sovereig?i lord the Ki?ig, 6°<r. 
 The Clerk. When this was read, the clerk of the sessions 
 said unto me, What say you to this ? 
 
 Bun. I said, that as to the first part of it, I was a common 
 15 frequenter of the church of God. And was also, by grace, a 
 member with them people over whom Christ is the Head. 
 
 Keelin. But, saith Justice Keelin, (who was the judge in 
 that court,) Do you come to church, (you know what I mean,) 
 to the parish church, to hear Divine service ? 
 20 Bun. I answered, No, I did not. 
 Keel. He asked me why ? 
 
 Bun. I said, Because I did not find it commanded in the 
 Word of God. 
 
 Keel. He said, We were commanded to pray. 
 25 Bun. I said, But not by the Common Prayer Book. 
 Keel. He said, How then ? 
 
 Bun. I said, With the Spirit. As the apostle saith, / will 
 pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding} 
 
 Keel. He said, We might pray with the Spirit, and with the 
 30 understanding, and with the Common Prayer Book also. 
 
 1 1 Cor. 14. 15 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 129 
 
 Bun. I said that the prayers in the Common Prayer Book 
 was such as was made by other men, and not by the motions of 
 the Holy Ghost, within our Hearts ; and as I said, the apostle 
 saith, he will pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding, 
 not with the Spirit and the Common Prayer Book. 5 
 
 Another Justice. What do you count prayer ? Do you think 
 it is to say a few words over before or among a people ? 
 
 Bun. I said, No, not so ; for men might have many elegant, 
 or excellent words, and yet not pray at all; but when a man 
 prayeth, he doth, through a sense of those things which he wants, 10 
 (which sense is begotten by the Spirit,) pour out his heart before 
 God through Christ ; though his words be not so many and so 
 excellent as others are. 
 
 Justices. They said, That was true. 
 ■ Bun. I said, This might be done without the Common Prayer 15 
 Book. 
 
 Another. One of them said (I think it was Justice Blundale, 
 or Justice Snagg), How should we know that you do not write 
 out your prayers first, and then read them afterwards to the 
 people ? This he spake in a laughing way. 20 
 
 Bun. I said, It is not our use, to take a pen and paper, and 
 write a few words thereon, and then go and read it over to a 
 company of people. 
 
 Another. But how should we know it, said he ? 
 
 Bun. Sir, it is none of our custom, said I. 25 
 
 Keel. But, said Justice Keelin, it is lawful to use Common 
 Prayer, and such like forms : for Christ taught his disciples to 
 pray, as John also taught his disciples. And further, said he, 
 cannot one man teach another to pray ? Faith comes by hear- 
 ing ; and one man may convince another of sin, and therefore 30 
 prayers made by men, and read over, are good to teach, and 
 help men to pray. 
 
 While he was speaking these words, God brought that word 
 into my mind, in the eighth of the Romans, at the 26th verse. 
 
130 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 I say, God brought it, for I thought not on it before : but as he 
 was speaking, it came so fresh into my mind, and was set so 
 evidently before me, as if the Scripture had said, Take me, take 
 me ; so when he was done speaking, 
 5 Bun. I said, Sir, the Scripture saith, that it is the Spirit 
 that helpeth our infirmities ; for we know not what we should 
 pray for as we ought ; but the Spirit itself maketh intercessiojifor 
 us, with sighs and groanings which ca?inot be uttered} Mark, 
 said I, it doth not say the Common Prayer Book teacheth us how 
 
 io to pray, but the Spirit. And it is the Spirit that helpeth oiir 
 infirmities, saith the apostle ; he doth not say it is the Common 
 Prayer Book. 
 
 And as to the Lord's prayer, although it be an easy thing to 
 say, Our Father, &c, with the mouth; yet there is very few that 
 
 15 can, in the Spirit, say the first two words of that prayer ; that 
 is, that can call God their Father, as knowing what it is to be 
 born again and as having experience that they are begotten 
 of the Spirit of God ; which if they do not, all is but bab- 
 bling, &c. 
 
 20 Keel. Justice Keelin said, that that was a truth. 
 
 Bun. And I say further, as to your saying that one man 
 may convince another of sin, and that faith comes by hearing, 
 and that one man may tell another how he should pray, &c, I 
 say men may tell each other of their sins, but it is the Spirit 
 
 25 that must convince them. 
 
 And though it be said that faith comes by hearing, yet it is 
 the Spirit that worketh faith in the heart 2 through hearing, or 
 else they are not profited by hearing. 
 
 And that though one man may tell another how he should 
 
 30 pray ; yet, as I said before, he cannot pray, nor make his con- 
 dition known to God, except the Spirit help. It is not the Com- 
 mon Prayer Book that can do this. It is the Spirit that showeth 
 us our sins, and the Spirit that showeth us a Saviour, and the 
 
 1 Rom. 8. 26. 2 Heb. 4. 12. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 131 
 
 Spirit that stirreth up in our hearts desires to come to God, for 
 such things as we stand in need of, even sighing out our souls 
 unto him for them with groans which cannot be uttered. With 
 other words to the same purpose. At this they were set. 
 
 Keel. But, says Justice Keelin, what have you against the 5 
 Common Prayer Book ? 
 
 Bun. I said, Sir, if you will hear me, I shall lay down my 
 reasons against it. 
 
 Keel. He said, I should have liberty ; but first, said he, let 
 me give you one caution ; take heed of speaking irreverently of 10 
 the Common Prayer Book ; for if you do so, you will bring 
 great damage upon yourself. 
 
 Bun. So I proceeded, and said, My first reason was, because 
 it was not commanded in the Word of God, and therefore I 
 could not do it. 15 
 
 Another. One of them said, Where do you find it commanded 
 in the Scripture, that you should go to Elstow, or Bedford, and 
 yet it is lawful to go to either of them, is it not? 
 
 Bun. I said, To go to Elstow, or Bedford, was a civil thing, 
 and not material, though not commanded, and yet God's Word 20 
 allowed me to go about my calling, and therefore if it lay there, 
 then to go thither, &c. But to pray, was a great part of the 
 Divine worship of God, and therefore it ought to be done ac- 
 cording to the rule of God's Word. 
 
 Another. One of them said, He will do harm ; let him speak 25 
 no further. 
 
 Keel. Justice Keelin said, No, no, never fear him, we are bet- 
 ter established than so ; he can do no harm ; we know the Com- 
 mon Prayer Book hath been ever since the Apostles' time, and 
 is lawful for it to be used in the church. 30 
 
 Bun. I said, Show me a place in the epistles where the Com- 
 mon Prayer Book is written, or one text of Scripture that com- 
 mands me to read it, and I will use it. But yet, notwithstanding, 
 said I, they that have a mind to use it, they have their liberty ; 
 
132 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 that is, I would not keep them from it ; but for our parts, we 
 can pray to God without it. Blessed be his name. 
 
 Another. With that, one of them said, Who is your God ? 
 Beelzebub ? Moreover, they often said that I was possessed 
 5 with the spirit of delusion, and of the Devil. All which savings 
 I passed over ; the Lord forgive them ! And further, I said, 
 Blessed be the Lord for it, we are encouraged to meet together, 
 and to pray, and exhort one another ; for we have had the com- 
 fortable presence of God among us. For ever blessed be his 
 10 holy name ! 
 
 Keel. Justice Keelin called this pedler's French, saving, that 
 I must leave off my canting. The Lord open his eyes ! 
 
 Bun. I said, that we ought to exhort one another daily, while 
 it is called to-day. 
 15 Keel. Justice Keelin said, that I ought not to preach; and 
 asked me where I had my authority ? with other such like 
 words. 
 
 Bun. I said, that I would prove that it was lawful for me, 
 and such as I am, to preach the Word of God. 
 20 Keel. He said unto me. By what Scripture ? 
 
 I said, By that in the first epistle of Peter, the fourth chapter, 
 the tenth verse, and Acts the eighteenth, with other Scriptures, 
 which he would not suffer me to mention. But said. Hold : not 
 so many, which is the first ? 
 25 Bun. I said, this: As every man hath received the gift, even so 
 minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the mani- 
 fold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles 
 of G .:. cK\ 
 
 Keel. He said. Let me a little open that Scripture to you : 
 50 As every man hath received the gift ; that is, said he. as even- 
 one hath received a trade, so let him follow it. If any man have 
 received a gift of tinkering, as thou hast done, let him follow 
 his tinkering. And so other men their trades ; and the divine 
 his calling, &c. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 133 
 
 Bun. Nay, Sir, said I, but it is most clear, that the apostle 
 speaks here of preaching the Word ; if you do but compare both 
 the verses together, the next verse explains this gift what it is. 
 saying. If tiny man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God. 
 So that it is plain, that the Holy Ghost doth not so much in 5 
 this place exhort to civil callings, as to the exercising of those 
 gifts that we have received from God. I would have gone on, 
 but he would not give me leave. 
 
 Keel. He said. We might do it in our families, but not other- 
 ways. 10 
 
 Bun. I said. If it was lawful to do good to some, it was law- 
 ful to do good to more. If it was a good duty to exhort our 
 families, it is good to exhort others ; but if they held it a sin to 
 meet together to seek the face of God, and exhort one another 
 to follow Christ, I should sin still ; for so we should do. 1 5 
 
 Keel. He said he was not so well versed in Scripture as to 
 dispute, or words to that purpose. And said, moreover, that 
 they could not wait upon me any longer ; but said to me, Then 
 you confess the indictment, do you not ? Xow, and not till now. 
 I saw I was indicted. 20 
 
 Bun. I said. This I confess, we have had many meetings to- 
 gether, both to pray to God, and to exhort one another, and 
 that we had the sweet comforting presence of the Lord among 
 us for our encouragement : blessed be his name therefore. I 
 confessed myself guilty no otherwise. 25 
 
 Keel. Then, said he, hear your judgment. You must be had 
 back again to prison, and there lie for three months following ; 
 and at three months' end, if you do not submit to go to church 
 to hear Divine service, and leave your preaching, you must be 
 banished the realm : and if, after such a day as shall be ap- 30 
 pointed you to be gone, you shall be found in this realm. &c, 
 or be found to come over again without special license from the 
 king. &C., you must stretch by the neck for it, I tell you plainly ; 
 and so he bid my jailor have me away. 
 
134 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Bun. I told him, as to this matter, I was at a point with him ; 
 for if I was out of prison to-day I would preach the gospel 
 again to-morrow, by the help of God. 
 
 Another. To which one made me some answer ; but my jailor 
 5 pulling me away to be gone, I could not tell what he said. 
 
 Thus I departed from them ; and I can truly say, I bless the 
 Lord Jesus Christ for it, that my heart was sweetly refreshed in 
 the time of my examination, and also afterwards, at my re- 
 turning to the prison. So that I found Christ's words more than 
 10 bare trifles, where he saith, He will give a mouth and wisdom, 
 even such as all the adversaries shall not gainsay or resist. 1 
 And that his peace no man can take from us. 
 
 Thus have I given you the substance of my examination. 
 The Lord make these profitable to all that shall read or hear 
 15 them. Farewell. 
 
 The Substance oj some Discourse had between the Clerk oj the 
 Peace and myself, when he came to admonish me, accordi?ig to 
 the te?ior oj that Law by which I was in Prison 
 
 When I had lain in prison other twelve weeks, and now not 
 knowing what they intended to do with me, upon the third of 
 April, comes Mr. Cobb unto me, (as he told me, ) being sent 
 by the Justices to admonish me ; and demanded of me submit- 
 20 tance to the Church of England, &c. The extent of our dis- 
 course was as followeth : — 
 
 Cobb. When he was come into the house he sent for me out 
 of my chamber ; who, when I was come unto him, he said, 
 Neighbour Bunyan, how do you do ? 
 25 Bun. I thank you, Sir, said I, very well, blessed be the Lord. 
 Cobb. Saith he, I come to tell you that it is desired you would 
 submit yourself to the laws of the land, or else at the next ses- 
 sions it will go worse with you, even to be sent away out of the 
 nation, or else worse than that. 
 
 1 Luke 21. 1 =; . 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 135 
 
 Bun. I said that I did desire to demean myself in the world, 
 both as becometh a man and a Christian. 
 
 Cobb. But, saith he, you must submit to the laws of the land, 
 and leave off those meetings which you was wont to have ; for 
 the statute law is directly against it ; and I am sent to you by 5 
 the Justices to tell you that they do intend to prosecute the law 
 against you if you submit not. 
 
 Bun. I said, Sir, I conceive that that law by which I am in 
 prison at this time doth not reach or condemn either me or the 
 meetings which I do frequent. That law was made against those 10 
 that being designed to do evil in their meetings, make the exer- 
 cise of religion their pretence to cover their wickedness. It 
 doth not forbid the private meetings of those that plainly and 
 simply make it their only end to worship the Lord, and to exhort 
 one another to edification. My end in meeting with others is 15 
 simply to do as much good as I can, by exhortation and counsel, 
 according to that small measure of light which God hath given 
 me, and not to disturb the peace of the nation. 
 
 Cobb. Every one will say the same, saith he ; you see the late 
 insurrection at Lo?idon, under what glorious pretences they went'; 20 
 and yet, indeed, they intended no less than the ruin of the king- 
 dom and commonwealth. 
 
 Bun. That practice of theirs I abhor, said I ; yet it doth not 
 follow that, because they did so, therefore all others will do so. 
 I look upon it as my duty to behave myself under the King's 25 
 government, both as becomes a man and a Christian, and if an 
 occasion were offered me, I should willingly manifest my loyalty 
 to my Prince, both by word and deed. 
 
 Cobb. Well, said he, I do not profess myself to be a man 
 that can dispute ; but this I say, truly, neighbour Bimyan, I 30 
 would have you consider this matter seriously, and submit your- 
 self ; you may have your liberty to exhort your neighbour in 
 private discourse, so be you do not call together an assembly of 
 people ; and, truly, you may do much good to the church of 
 
136 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Christ if you would go this way ; and this you may do, and the 
 law not abridge you of it. It is your private meetings that the 
 law is against. 
 
 Bun. Sir, said I, if I may do good to one by my discourse, 
 5 why may I not do good to two ? and if to two, why not to four, 
 and so to eight ? &c. 
 
 Cobb. Ay, saith he, and to a hundred, I warrant you. 
 Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, I think I should not be forbid to do 
 as much good as I can. 
 10 Cobb. But, saith he, you may but pretend to do good, and 
 indeed, notwithstanding, do harm, by seducing the people ; you 
 are, therefore, denied your meeting so many together, lest you 
 should do harm. 
 
 Bun. And yet, said I, you say the law tolerates me to dis- 
 
 1 5 course with my neighbour ; surely there is no law tolerates me 
 
 to seduce any one ; therefore, if I may, by the law, discourse with 
 
 one, surely it is to do him good ; and if I, by discoursing, may do 
 
 good to one, surely, by the same law, I may do good to many. 
 
 Cobb. The law, saith he, doth expressly forbid your private 
 
 20 meetings ; therefore they are not to be tolerated. 
 
 Bun. I told him that I would not entertain so much unchar- 
 itableness of that Parliament in the 35 th of Elizabeth, or of 
 the Queen herself, as to think they did, by that law, intend the 
 oppressing of any of God's ordinances, or the interrupting any 
 25 in the way of God ; but men may, in the wresting of it, turn it 
 against the way of God. But take the law in itself, and it only 
 fighteth against those that drive at mischief in their hearts and 
 meetings, making religion only their cloak, colour, or pretence ; 
 for so are the words of the statute : If any meetings, under 
 30 colour or pretence of religion, &c. 
 
 Cobb. Very good ; therefore the King, seeing that pretences are 
 usually in and among people, as to make religion their pretence 
 only, therefore he, and the law before him, doth forbid such pri- 
 vate meetings, and tolerates only public ; you may meet in public. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 137 
 
 Bun. Sir, said I, let me answer you in a similitude. Set the 
 case that, at such a wood corner, there did usually come forth 
 thieves, to do mischief; must there therefore a law be made 
 that every one that cometh out there shall be killed ? May 
 there not come out true men as well as thieves out from 5 
 thence ? Just thus it is in this case ; I do think there may be 
 many that may design the destruction of the commonwealth ; 
 but it does not follow therefore that all private meetings are 
 unlawful ; those that transgress, let them be punished. And if 
 at any time I myself should do any act in my conversation as 10 
 doth not become a man and Christian, let me bear the punish- 
 ment. And as for your saying I may meet in public, if I 
 may be suffered, I would gladly do it. Let me have but meet- 
 ing enough in public, and I shall care the less to have them 
 in private. I do not meet in private because I am afraid to 15 
 have meetings in public. I bless the Lord that my heart is 
 at that point, that if any man can lay anything to my charge, 
 either in doctrine or practice, in this particular, that can be proved 
 error or heresy, I am willing to disown it, even in the very 
 market place ; but if it be truth, then to stand to it to the last 20 
 drop of my blood. And, Sir, said I, you ought to commend me 
 for so doing. To err and to be a heretic are two things. I am 
 no heretic, because I will not stand refractorily to defend any 
 one thing that is contrary to the Word. Prove anything which 
 I hold to be an error, and I will recant it. 25 
 
 Cobb. But, goodman Bunyan, said he, methinks you need 
 not stand so strictly upon this one thing, as to have meetings 
 of such public assemblies. Cannot you submit, and, notwith- 
 standing, do as much good as you can, in a neighbourly way, 
 without having such meetings ? 30 
 
 Bicn. Truly, Sir, said I, I do not desire to commend myself, 
 but to think meanly of myself ; yet when I do most despise 
 myself, taking notice of that small measure of light which God 
 hath given me, also that the people of the Lord, (by their own 
 
138 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 saying,) are edified thereby. Besides, when I see that the Lord, 
 through grace, hath in some measure blessed my labour, I dare 
 not but exercise that gift which God hath given me for the good of 
 the people. And I said further, that I would willingly speak in 
 5 public, if I might. 
 
 Cobb. He said, that I might come to the public assemblies 
 and hear. What though you do not preach ? you may hear. Do 
 not think yourself so well enlightened, and that you have re- 
 ceived a gift so far above others, but that you may hear other 
 10 men preach. Or to that purpose. 
 
 Bu?i. I told him, I was as willing to be taught as to give in- 
 struction, and I looked upon it as my duty to do both ; for, said 
 I, a man that is a teacher, he himself may learn also from another 
 that teacheth, as the Apostle saith : We may all prophesy, one 
 15 by one, that all may learn} That is, every man that hath re- 
 ceived a gift from God, he may dispense it, that others may be 
 comforted ; and when he hath done, he may hear and learn, 
 and be comforted himself of others. 
 
 Cobb. But, said he, what if you should forbear awhile, and sit 
 20 still, till you see further how things will go ? 
 
 Bun. Sir, said I, Wickliffe saith, that he which leaveth off 
 preaching and hearing of the Word of God for fear of ex- 
 communication of men, he is already excommunicated of God, 
 and shall in the day of judgment be counted a traitor to 
 25 Christ. 
 
 Cobb. Ay, saith he, they that do not hear shall be so counted 
 indeed ; do you, therefore, hear. 
 
 Bun. But, Sir, said I, he saith, he that shall leave off either 
 preaching or hearing, &c. That is, if he hath received a gift 
 30 for edification, it is his sin, if he doth not lay it out in a way of 
 exhortation and counsel, according to the proportion of his 
 gift ; as well as to spend his time altogether in hearing others 
 preach. 
 
 1 2 Cor. 14. 31. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 1 39 
 
 Cobb. But, said he, how shall we know that you have re- 
 ceived a gift ? 
 
 Bun. Said I, Let any man hear and search, and prove the 
 doctrine by the Bible. 
 
 Cobb. But will you be willing, said he, that two indifferent 5 
 persons shall determine the case, and will you stand by their 
 judgment ? 
 
 Bun. I said, Are they infallible ? 
 
 Cobb. He said, No. 
 
 Bun. Then, said I, it is possible my judgment may be as good 10 
 as theirs. But yet I will pass by either, and in this matter be 
 judged by the Scriptures. I am sure that is infallible, and can- 
 not err. 
 
 Cobb. But, said he, who shall be judge between you, for you 
 take the Scriptures one way, and they another ? 1 5 
 
 Bun. I said, The Scripture should, and that by comparing 
 one scripture with another ; for that will open itself, if it be 
 rightly compared. As, for instance, if under the different ap- 
 prehensions of the word Mediator, you would know the truth 
 of it, the Scriptures open it, and tells us that he that is a me- 20 
 diator must take up the business between two, and a mediator 
 is not a mediator of one, but God is one, 1 and there is one mediator 
 between God and men, even the man Christ Jesus? So likewise 
 the Scripture calleth Christ a complete, or perfect, or able high 
 priest. That is opened in that he is called man, and also God. 25 
 His blood also is discovered to be effectually efficacious by the 
 same things. So the Scripture, as touching the matter of meet- 
 ing together, &c, doth likewise sufficiently open itself and dis- 
 cover its meaning. 
 
 Cobb. But are you willing, said he, to stand to the judgment 30 
 of the Church ? 
 
 Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, to the approbation of the church of 
 God. The Church's judgment is best expressed in Scripture. 
 
 1 Gal. 3. 20. 2 1 Tim. 2. 5. 
 
140 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 We had much other discourse which I cannot well remember, 
 about the laws of the nation, and submission to governments ; 
 
 to which 1 did tell him, that 1 did look upon myself as bound 
 in conscience to walk according to all righteous laws, and that 
 5 whether there was a King or no ; and if I did anything that 
 was contrary, 1 did hold it my duty to bear patiently the penalty 
 of the law, that was provided against such offenders ; with many 
 more words to the like effect. And said, moreover, that to cut 
 oil all occasions oi suspicion from any, as touching the harm- 
 to lessness oi my doctrine in private, 1 would willingly take the 
 pains to give any one the notes of all my sermons ; for I do sin- 
 cerely desire to live quietly in my country, and to submit to the 
 present authority, 
 
 C(>/'/\ 'Well, neighbour Bun van, said he, but indeed I would 
 15 wish you seriously to consider of these things, between this 
 and the quarter-sessions, and to submit yourself. You may 
 do much good if you continue still in the land ; but alas, what 
 benefit will it be to your friends, or what good can you do to 
 them, if you should be sent away beyond the seas into Spain, 
 20 or c onstantinopU, or some other remote part of the world ? Pray 
 be ruled. 
 
 Jailor. Indeed, Sir. 1 hope he will be ruled. 
 Bun. 1 shall desire, said 1. in all godliness and honesty to 
 behave myself in the nation, whilst I am in it. And if I must 
 25 be so dealt withal, as you say, I hope God will help me to bear 
 what they shall lay upon me. 1 know no evil that 1 have done 
 in this matter, to be so used. I speak as in the presence 
 of God. 
 
 . You know, saith he, that the Scripture saith, the 
 \ t/iat be an- ordained of God} 
 Bun. 1 said. Yes, and that 1 was to submit to the King 
 as supreme, also to the governors, as to them that are sent 
 by him. 
 
 1 Rom. 11. 1. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 141 
 
 Cobb. Well then, said he. the King then commands yon. that 
 you should not have any private meetings ; because it is against 
 his law, and he is ordained oi God. therefore you should not 
 have any. 
 
 Bun. 1 told him that Paul did own the powers that were in 5 
 
 his day, as to he of God : and yet he was often in prison under 
 
 them for all that. And also, though Jesus Christ told Pilate, that 
 
 he had no power against him. but of God. yet he died under 
 
 the same Pilate; and yet. said I. I hope you will not say that 
 
 either Paul, or Christ, was such as did deny magistracy, and so 10 
 
 sinned against God in slighting the ordinance. Sir. said I. the 
 
 law hath provided two ways oi obeying : The one to do that 
 
 which I. in my conscience, do believe that I am bound to do. 
 
 actively ; and where I cannot obey actively, there I am willing 
 
 to lie down, and to suffer what they shall do unto me. At this 15 
 
 he sat still, and said no more : which, when he had done. I did 
 
 thank him for his civil and meek discoursing with me ; and so 
 
 we parted. 
 
 O that we might meet in heaven ! 
 
 Farewell. J. B. 20 
 
 Here followeth a discourse between my Wife ana 'the Judges ', with 
 others, touching my Deliverance at the Assises following ; the 
 which I took from her own Mouth 
 
 After that 1 had received this sentence of banishing, or hang- 
 ing, from them, and after the former admonition, touching the 
 determination of Justices, if I did not recant : just when the time 
 drew nigh, in which I should have abjured, or have done worse. 
 as Mr. Cobb told me,) came the time in which the King was to 25 
 be crowned. Now. at the coronation of Kings, there is usually 
 a releasement of divers prisoners, by virtue of his coronation ; 
 in which privilege also I should have had my share ; but that 
 they took me for a convicted person, and therefore, unless I 
 sued out a pardon, (as they called it,) I could have no benefit 30 
 
142 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 thereby. Notwithstanding, yet, forasmuch as the Coronation 
 Proclamation did give liberty, from the day the King was 
 crowned to that day twelvemonth, to sue them out ; therefore, 
 though they would not let me out of prison, as they let out 
 5 thousands, yet they could not meddle with me, as touching the 
 execution of their sentence ; because of the liberty offered for 
 the suing out of pardons. Whereupon I continued in prison till 
 the next assizes, which are called Midsummer assizes, being then 
 kept in August 1661. 
 
 10 Now, at that assizes, because I would not leave any possible 
 means unattempted that might be lawful, I did, by my wife, 
 present a petition to the Judges three times, that I might be 
 heard, and that they would impartially take my case into consid- 
 eration. 
 
 1 5 The first time my wife went, she presented it to Judge Hales, 
 who very mildly received it at her hand, telling her that he would 
 do her and me the best good he could ; but he feared, he said, 
 he could do none. The next day, again, lest they should, through 
 the multitude of business, forget me, we did throw another pe- 
 
 20 tition into the coach to Judge Twisdon ; who, when he had seen 
 it, snapt her up, and angrily told her that I was a convicted 
 person, and could not be released, unless I would promise to 
 preach no more, &c. 
 
 Well, after this, she yet again presented another to Judge 
 
 25 Hales, as he sat on the bench, who, as it seemed, was willing to 
 give her audience. Only Justice Chester being present stept up 
 and said, that I was convicted in the court, and that I was a hot- 
 spirited fellow, (or words to that purpose,) whereat he waved it, 
 and did not meddle therewith. But yet, my wife being encour- 
 
 30 aged by the High Sheriff, did venture once more into their pres- 
 ence, (as the poor widow did to the unjust Judge, 1 ) to try what 
 she could do with them for my liberty, before they went forth 
 of the town. The place where she went to them was to the Swan 
 
 1 Luke iS. 1-6. 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 143 
 
 Chamber, where the two Judges, and many Justices and Gen- 
 try of the country, was in company together. She then, coming 
 into the chamber with a bashed face, and a trembling heart, be- 
 gan her errand to them in this manner : — 
 
 Woman. My Lord (directing herself to Judge Hales), I make 5 
 bold to come once again to your Lordship, to know what may 
 be done with my husband. 
 
 Judge Hales. To whom he said, Woman, I told thee before, 
 I could do thee no good ; because they have taken that for a 
 conviction which thy husband spoke at the sessions ; and unless 10 
 there be something done to undo that, I can do thee no good. 
 
 Worn. My Lord, said she, he is kept unlawfully in prison ; 
 they clapped him up before there was any proclamation against 
 the meetings ; the indictment also is false. Besides, they never 
 asked him whether he was guilty or no ; neither did he confess 1 5 
 the indictment. 
 
 One of the Justices. Then one of the Justices that stood by, 
 whom she knew not, said, My Lord, he was lawfully convicted. 
 
 Worn. It is false, said she ; for when they said to him, Do 
 you confess the indictment ? he said only this, that he had been 20 
 at several meetings, both where there was preaching the Word, 
 and prayer, and that they had God's presence among them. 
 
 Judge Twisdon. Whereat Judge Twisdon answered very an- 
 grily, saying, What ! you think we can do what we list ; your 
 husband is a breaker of the peace, and is convicted by the law, 25 
 &c. Whereupon Judge Hales called for the Statute Book. 
 
 Worn. But, said she, my Lord, he was not lawfully convicted. 
 
 Chester. Then Justice Chester said, My Lord, he was law- 
 fully convicted. 
 
 Worn. It is false, said she ; it was but a word of discourse 30 
 that they took for a conviction, as you heard before. 
 
 Ches. But it is recorded, woman, it is recorded, said Justice 
 Chester ; as if it must be of necessity true, because it was re- 
 corded. With which words he often endeavoured to stop her 
 
144 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 mouth, having no other argument to convince her, but it is re- 
 corded, it is recorded. 
 
 Worn. My Lord, said she, I was a while since at London, to 
 see if I could get my husband's liberty ; and there I spoke with 
 5 my Lord Bai'kwood, one of the House of Lords, to whom I de- 
 livered a petition, who took it of me and presented it to some 
 of the rest of the House of Lords, for my husband's release- 
 ment ; who, when they had seen it, they said that they could 
 not release him, but had committed his releasement to the Judges, 
 10 at the next assizes. This he told me ; and now I come to you 
 to see if anything may be done in this business, and you give 
 neither releasement nor relief. To which they gave her no an- 
 swer, but made as if they heard her not. 
 
 Ches. Only Justice Chester was often up with this, He is con- 
 15 victed, and It is recorded. 
 
 Worn. If it be, it is false, said she. 
 
 Ches. My Lord, said Justice Chester, he is a pestilent fellow, 
 there is not such a fellow in the country again. 
 
 Twis. What, will your husband leave preaching ? If he will 
 20 do so, then send for him. 
 
 Worn. My Lord, said she, he dares not leave preaching, as 
 long as he can speak. 
 
 Twis. See here, what should we talk any more about such a 
 fellow ? Must he do what he lists ? He is a breaker of the peace. 
 25 Worn. She told him again, that he desired to live peaceably, 
 and to follow his calling, that his family might be maintained ; 
 and, moreover, said, My Lord, I have four small children that 
 cannot help themselves, of which one is blind, and have nothing 
 to live upon, but the charity of good people. 
 30 Hales. Hast thou four children ? said Judge Hales ; thou 
 art but a young woman to have four children. 
 
 Worn. My Lord, said she, I am but mother-in-law to them, 
 having not been married to him yet full two years. Indeed, I 
 was with child when my husband was first apprehended ; but 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 145 
 
 being young, and unaccustomed to such things, said she, I 
 being smayed at the news, fell into labour, and so continued for 
 eight days, and then was delivered, but my child died. 
 
 Hales. Whereat, he looking very soberly on the matter, said, 
 Alas, poor woman ! 
 
 Twis. But Judge Twisdon told her, that she made poverty 
 her cloak ; and said, moreover, that he understood I was main- 
 tained better by running up and down a preaching, than by fol- 
 lowing my calling. 
 
 Hales. What is his calling ? said Judge Hales. 
 
 Answer. Then some of the company that stood by said, A 
 Tinker, my Lord. 
 
 Wo??i. Yes, said she, and because he is a Tinker, and a poor 
 man, therefore he is despised, and cannot have justice. 
 
 Hales. Then Judge Hales answered, very mildly, saying, I 
 tell thee, woman, seeing it is- so, that they have taken what thy 
 husband spake for a conviction ; thou must either apply thyself 
 to the King, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error. 
 
 Ches. But when Justice Chester heard him give her this 
 counsel; and especially, as she supposed, because he spoke of a 
 writ of error, he chafed, and seemed to be very much offended ; 
 saying, My Lord, he will preach and do what he lists. 
 
 Worn. He preacheth nothing but the Word of God, said she. 
 
 Twis. He preach the Word of God ! said Twisdon ; (and 
 withal she thought he would have struck her ;) he runneth up 
 and down, and doth harm. 
 
 Worn. No, my Lord, said she, it is not so ; God hath owned 
 him, and done much good by him. 
 
 Twis. God ! said he ; his doctrine is the doctrine of the Devil. 
 
 Worn. My Lord, said she, when the righteous Judge shall 
 appear, it will be known that his doctrine is not the doctrine of 
 the Devil. 
 
 Twis. My Lord, said he, to Judge Hales, do not mind her, 
 but send her away. 
 
146 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 Hales. Then said Judge Hales, I am sorry, woman, that I 
 
 can do thee no good ; thou must do one of those three things 
 
 aforesaid ; namely, either to apply thyself to the King, or sue 
 
 out his pardon, or get a writ of error ; but a writ of error will 
 
 5 be cheapest. 
 
 Worn. At which Chester again seemed to be in a chafe, and 
 put off his hat, and as she thought, scratched his head for anger. 
 But when I saw, said she, that there was no prevailing to have 
 my husband sent for, though I often desired them that they would 
 
 10 send for him, that he might speak for himself, telling them, 
 that he could give them better satisfaction than I could in what 
 they demanded of him, with several other things, which now I 
 forget ; only this I remember, that though I was somewhat tim- 
 orous at my first entrance into the chamber, yet before I went 
 
 1 5 out, I could not but break forth into tears, not so much because 
 they were so hard-hearted against me and my husband, but to 
 think what a sad account such poor creatures will have to give 
 at the coming of the Lord, when they shall there answer for all 
 things whatsoever they have done in the body, whether it be 
 
 20 good or whether it be bad. 
 
 So, when I departed from them, the Book of Statute was 
 brought, but what they said of it I know nothing at all, neither 
 did I hear any more from them. 
 
 Some Carriages of the Adversaries of God's Truth with me at the 
 next Assizes, which was on the igth of the First Month, 1662 
 I shall pass by what befell between these two assizes, how I 
 
 25 had, by my Jailor, some liberty granted me, more than at the 
 first, and how I followed my wonted course of preaching, tak- 
 ing all occasions that were put into my hand to visit the people 
 of God ; exhorting them to be steadfast in the faith of Jesus 
 Christ, and to take heed that they touched not the Common 
 
 30 Prayer, &c, but to mind the Word of God, which giveth direc- 
 tion to Christians in every point, being able to make the man 
 
RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 147 
 
 of God perfect in all things through faith in Jesus Christ, and 
 thoroughly to furnish him unto all good works. Also, how I, 
 having, I say, somewhat more liberty, did go to see Christians 
 at London ; which my enemies hearing of, were so angry, that 
 they had almost cast my Jailor out of his place, threatening 5 
 to indict him, and to do what they could against him. They 
 charged me also, that I went thither to plot and raise division, 
 and make insurrection, which, God knows, was a slander ; where- 
 upon my liberty was more straitened than it was before : so that 
 I must not look out of the door. Well, when the next sessions 10 
 came, which was about the 10th of the eleventh month, I did 
 expect to have been very roundly dealt withal ; but they passed 
 me by, and would not call me, so that I rested till the assizes, 
 which was the 19 th of the first month following ; and when they 
 came, because I had a desire to come before the judge, I de- 1 5 
 sired my jailor to put my name into the Kalender among the 
 felons, and made friends of the Judge and High Sheriff, who 
 promised that I should be called ; so that I thought what I had 
 done might have been effectual for the obtaining of my desire. 
 But all was in vain ; for when the assizes came, though my name 20 
 was in the Kalender, and also though both the Judge and Sheriff 
 had promised that I should appear before them, yet the Justices 
 and the Clerk of the peace did so work it about, that I, not- 
 withstanding, was deferred, and might not appear ; and although, 
 I say, I do not know of all their carriages towards me, yet this 25 
 I know, that the Clerk of the peace did discover himself to be 
 one of my greatest opposers. For, first, he came to my jailor, 
 and told him that I must not go down before the Judge, and 
 therefore must not be put into the Kalender ; to whom my jailor 
 said, that my name was in already. He bid him put me out 30 
 again ; my jailor told him that he could not, for he had given 
 the Judge a Kalender with my name in it, and also the Sheriff 
 another. At which he was very much displeased, and desired 
 to see that Kalender that was yet in my jailor's hand : who. 
 
148 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 
 
 when he had given it him, he looked on it, and said it was 
 a false Kalender ; he also took the Kalender and blotted out 
 my accusation, as my jailor had writ it. (Which accusation I 
 cannot tell what it was, because it was so blotted out ;) and he 
 5 himself put in words to this purpose : ' That Joh?i Bunyan was 
 committed in prison, being lawfully convicted for upholding of 
 unlawful meetings and conventicles,' &c. But yet, for all this, 
 fearing that what he had done, unless he added thereto, it would 
 not do ; he first run to the Clerk of the assizes, then to the Jus- 
 
 10 tices, and afterwards, because he would not leave any means 
 unattempted to hinder me, he comes again to my jailor, and tells 
 him, that if I did go down before the Judge, and was released, 
 he would make him pay my fees, which, he said, was due to 
 him ; and further told him, that he would complain of him at 
 
 1 5 the next quarter sessions for making of false Kalenders ; though 
 my jailor himself, as I afterwards learned, had put in my accu- 
 sation worse than in itself it was by far. And thus was I hin- 
 dered and prevented, at that time also, from appearing before 
 the Judge, and left in prison. Farewell. 
 
 John Bunyan 
 
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