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EXTRACTS 
 
 FROM THE 
 
 MEMORANDA 
 
 MARY HAGGER, 
 
 A S H F R D, 
 
 KENTo,, ., 
 
 »0 , ,T > ■» 
 
 " The memory of the just is blessed." — Prov. x. 7. 
 
 "Gather up the fragments that remain that nothing be lost." — John v. li 
 
 LONDON: 
 HARVEY AND DARTON, 
 
 55, GRACECHURCH STREET. 
 
 1841. 
 

 
THE INTKODUCTION, 
 
 When the Christian example of those we love is 
 ■withdrawn, and we are no longer cheered by their 
 conversation, nor instructed by their admonitions, we 
 'recur with satisfaction to those instances of faithful- 
 ness which memory furnishes ; but when assisted by 
 written records of their devout and exercised minds, 
 they become enhanced in value, and we esteem them 
 as precious memorials of departed worth. 
 
 Such we believe will be the feelings of many who 
 have known and loved the subject of this short 
 Memoir, the reader will find for his instruction and 
 encouragement, that in the simplicity and sincerity of 
 her heart, she has unfolded some of her mental exer- 
 cises ; and as they breathe throughout the language 
 of piety and resignation under deep and complicated 
 trials, they will, it is hoped, afford consolation to those 
 in similar circumstances, seeing it was by the grace of 
 God ,she was what she was, and to the sustaining 
 power of His grace, she bore testimony during a 
 long protracted life. 
 
 In the relation of a mother few exceeded her in 
 tenderness, and she endeavoured to attain to Christian 
 a2 
 
4 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 resignation when bereaved of her children, six of 
 whom died at different periods. 
 
 Instructed in the school of adversity, and possessing 
 a sympathetic mind, she was peculiarly qualified to 
 impart consolation to the weary traveller Zionward, 
 and to extend the hand of encouragement to those who 
 had wandered from the true Shepherd — endeavouring 
 to comfort them which were in any trouble, by the 
 comfort wherewith she herself was comforted of God. 
 
 Deeply impressed with gratitude for the blessings 
 with which the evening of her day was crowned, and 
 a mind reconciled to the dispensations of Providence 
 in earlier life, she often dwelt upon the subject in 
 feeling remembrance of the mercies she had expe- 
 rienced, and to almost the latest period, her conver- 
 sation and manners partook of the cheerfulness and 
 pleasantness of her meridian life. When the awful 
 time arrived in which she was permitted to enter her 
 eternal rest, she passed away in sweet serenity, full of 
 days and full of peace, and we humbly believe her 
 redeemed spirit is numbered with those who came out 
 of great tribulations, and have washed their robes, 
 and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 
 
 Ashford, Stk month, 1841. 
 
A TESTIMONY 
 
 From FoLKSTONE Monthly Meeting, concerning 
 Mary Hagger, deceased. 
 
 In preserving a memorial of this our dear friend, we 
 are instructively reminded of her meek and lowly- 
 example ; she was desirous to be found adorning the 
 doctrine of God her Saviour in all things ; that her 
 rejoicing might be this, the testimony of her con- 
 science, that with simplicity and godly sincerity, not 
 with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, she had 
 her conversation in the world. 
 
 She was the daughter of our friends, William and 
 Lettice Knight, and was born at Stone-hall, near Wan- 
 stead, Essex, the 4th of 1st mo., 1758. 
 
 The following selections from her memoranda, serve 
 to show the early pious care of her parents. " I was 
 blessed with tender parents, that watched over them- 
 selves and their family with a religious care, taking 
 us to meetings ; they were very diligent attenders 
 themselves, though residing at a distance of several 
 miles, the weather or business seldom if ever pre- 
 venting." She thus adverts to her religious feelings 
 in early life : " I well remember being in a garden by 
 myself, and knew not what it was that so sweetened and 
 tendered by heart, that for a considerable time, I felt 
 as though I could not leave the spot, and several 
 times afterwards I took opportunities to retire, and 
 had similar feelings." " As I grew I often felt the 
 prevalence of my natural disposition, giving way too 
 much to indifference in things relating to my best 
 
b TESTIMONY. 
 
 interest, so that I often desired something might befall 
 me, to arouse me from such a state of ease and uncon- 
 cernedness ; and after awhile, kind Providence, whose 
 peculiar care is extended while passing the slippery 
 paths of youth, inclined my heart to love Him, and 
 permitted me to have a fever, which in degree awak- 
 ened me/' 
 
 She had to pass through many painful conflicts, 
 often lamenting the want of an entire surrender of 
 heart to the refining hand of Him who was preparing 
 her as a vessel for his service. She was impressed 
 with a belief that it would be required of her to bekr 
 public testimony to the goodness of the Lord ; from 
 this sacrifice, she earnestly desired she might be 
 spared ; and the language of her heart was, " Send 
 by whom thou wilt send, but not by me." She yielded 
 to this religious conviction, by giving up to speak a 
 few words in meetings for discipline when she appre- 
 hended it required of her. On the subject of these 
 meetings, she remarks, " I believe that if the discipline 
 is rightly supported, it must be by the influence of the 
 same power that moves to every duty." 
 
 Whilst having to struggle with severe outward trials, 
 she sought to cherish a tender conscience, and by ad- 
 hering to Christian principle, her conduct became 
 remarkable for strict integrity; and after being brought 
 through her temporal difficulties, by the power of 
 Divine Grace, she was raised up an instrument of 
 usefulness in the church. By abiding in deep watch- 
 fulness and humble dependence on the Lord, to know 
 his putting forth to the solemn work, she became qua- 
 lified to speak a word in season to the weary in Zion, 
 
* TESTIMONY. / 
 
 and at times was strengthened to '^ lift up the banner 
 on the high mountain." Her offerings in the ministry 
 being expressed in few words, and in great diffidence 
 and fear, were impressive, evincing that she sought, 
 not honour from others, but that which comes from 
 the Lord alone. 
 
 In 1831, she visited by certificate the meetings in 
 Bedfordshire and Hertfordshire, as also the fami- 
 lies and Friends in Hertford ; in the following year, 
 she paid a similar visit to the Monthly Meetings in 
 the county of Nottingham, and in 1835, to those com- 
 posing the Quarterly Meeting of Essex : these services 
 proved acceptable to her friends, and afforded peace to 
 her own mind. 
 
 She felt much interested in objects of Christian 
 philanthropy : the poor and the afflicted, more espe- 
 cially, obtained her commiseration. She cherished a 
 deep solicitude for the religious welfare of her near 
 connexions in life ; desiring that they, as well as her- 
 self, might experience a growth in grace, and in the 
 knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ ; 
 thus expressing her feelings on this all-important sub- 
 ject, " I pray for myself and my dear children, that 
 we may be strengthened in an unshaken belief in the 
 efficacy of the blood of the beloved Son of God, our 
 Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; who came down 
 from heaven, and took not upon Him the nature of 
 angels, but the seed of Abraham, was born of the 
 Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilot the cruel 
 and shameful death of the cross, to be a propitiation 
 and atonement for the sins of the whole world, rose 
 again the third day from the dead, and ascended into 
 
TESTIMONY. 
 
 heaven, and is the Advocate and Mediator between 
 God and man, the King, High Priest, and Prophet 
 of his church, the author of salvation to all that obey 
 Him ; — true God and perfect man." 
 
 At the latter end of 1835, our dear friend was visited 
 with severe illness, from which her recovery then 
 appeared very doubtful ; but she was favoured to be 
 restored to usual health, until the close of the following 
 year, when she was seized with another alarming 
 attack which greatly reduced her strength ; yet she so 
 far recovered, as to be able to assemble with her friends 
 at religious meetings, though often under great bodily 
 infirmity. 
 
 During the illness above alluded to, her mind was 
 much clothed with love, and her expressions were often 
 weighty and instructive. After passing a low and 
 deeply depressing season, she said, " Should I be 
 taken now, all will be well ; I have such a full assur- 
 ance there is a mansion prepared for me, and that 
 crowns all." At another time, " It is an awful thing 
 to appear before the Judge of the whole earth, and I 
 am sure I have not a rag nor anything to cover my- 
 self with ; but my whole and entire dependence is on 
 my holy Saviour, who I humbly hope will plead my 
 cause ; I do believe love will cover the judgment-seat; 
 if there are any that slight the offers of a merciful 
 Saviour, how deplorable must be their condition !" 
 " I have felt the Comforter at the threshold of the 
 door, waiting to do his own office." At different 
 times, she expressed as follows, " I feel very low : I 
 want to feel more of my heavenly Father's presence. 
 O ! I do most fervently hope, if there are any sins yet 
 
TESTIMONY. 9 
 
 i^maining, they may be blotted out." O ! how un- 
 worthy ! I feel that I have not a good act of my own 
 that I can plead ; but my dear Saviour died for me ; 
 and I have a hope, that He will receive me, not of 
 works, but of his free grace." To one of her family 
 whom she had not seen for several days, she said, '^ I 
 want to tell thee the bands are broken, and I feel great 
 liberty in the truth, and can sometimes sing high 
 praises." At another time, " O ! that it may please 
 my heavenly Father to say, it is enough, and take his 
 poor, (I am almost afraid to say servant to so high a 
 power,) to Himself." 
 
 Our beloved friend for many years suffered from a 
 violent nervous affection of the head, accompanied with 
 a distressing cough, which greatly exhausted her en- 
 feebled frame, so that from the spring of 1839 to the 
 ensuing autumn, she was almost wholly confined to 
 the house. In the 9th mo. of that year, she received 
 a visit from her only surviving brother, who, after a 
 few days' illness, died at her house. After this sudden 
 and unexpected event, her health rapidly declined, and 
 she suffered much at times from mental depression, 
 yet was favoured to know her heart stayed on the 
 Lord. At one time she said, " O that I may die the 
 death of the righteous, and that my last end may be 
 like theirs ! I have a hope that casteth out fear, I 
 have a hope both sure and stedfast." 
 
 A few days before the final close, when alluding to 
 
 the death of our blessed Saviour, she observed, " I 
 
 must die the death : mine is a natural death, but His 
 
 was for the whole world. He gave up his life freely, 
 
 a3 
 
10 
 
 TESTIMONY. 
 
 and suffered on the cross : He gave his life a willing 
 sacrifice, and we must give up our whole hearts. ' No 
 Cross no Crown/ is a sure testimony, and will be 
 answered in a future day ; if we will not bear the cross, 
 we cannot have the crown." Then addressing her 
 children present, said, " O, my dear children, from 
 my dying bed, I beg it of you, that it may be the 
 constant breathing of your souls, that you may be 
 redeemed from the perishing things of time, and that 
 your affections may be fixed on eternity. — What 
 would it avail now, or at any other time, to have the 
 world, or as much as might be equal to our extrava- 
 gant desires to possess ? I would freely give it up for 
 a happy possession [in heaven.] Oh press after it, do 
 not be satisfied in anything that is sensual or carnal, 
 but oh, that we may press after an inheritance in that 
 which will endure for ever !" Nearly her last expres- 
 sions were, " Oh eternity ! — Oh the length of eter- 
 nity ! — Oh that it may be impressed on every heart, 
 the length of eternity ! there is no end." 
 
 She peacefully expired on the 25th day of the 1st 
 month, 1840, aged about 82 years, and is, we have no 
 doubt, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 
 gathered to the just of all generations, to unite in 
 ascribing salvation to Him that sitteth on the throne, 
 and to the Lamb for ever more. 
 
 Her remains were interred in Friends' burial-ground 
 at Ashford, on the 2nd day of 2nd month, 1840. 
 
 Given forth by Folkstone Monthly Meeting, held at 
 Canterbury, the 12th of the 3rd month, 1840. 
 
EXTRACTS, &c. 
 
 I WAS blessed with tender parents [William and 
 Lettice Knight] who watched over themselves and 
 their families with religious care, endeavouring to 
 keep us out of unsuitable company and to protect us 
 from harm, taking us frequently to meetings; and 
 were themselves very constant attenders, though 
 residing at a distance of several miles, the weather 
 or business seldom, if ever, preventing. My dear 
 mother filled the station of elder : she was an up- 
 right hearted woman, remarkable for her integrity. 
 My father was a minister, a man of an humble and 
 contrite spirit, that feared God and hated covetous- 
 nessj he was a good example to those about him, 
 and much beloved by his friends. 
 
 In my early age, I was sensible of the tendering 
 impressions of divine love. I well remember being 
 in the garden by myself, and knew not what it was 
 that so sweetened and affected my heart, that for a 
 considerable time, I felt as though I could not 
 leave the spot ; and several times afterwards I took 
 opportunities to retire, and had similar feelings. 
 
 As I grew older, I often felt the prevalence of 
 an easy natural disposition, too much, far too much, 
 giving way to indifference in things relating to my 
 
12 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 best interest, so that I often desired something might 
 befall me to arouse me from such a spirit of ease and 
 unconcernedness ; and after a while kind Providence, 
 whose peculiar care is extended over us, whilst pass- 
 ing the slippery path of youth, inclined my heart to 
 love Him, and permitted me to have an illness which 
 continued some weeks, and in degree awakened me. 
 
 About the fifteenth year of my age, I was sent to 
 school, to Martha Winter, (afterwards Kouth) of 
 Nottingham, whom I much esteemed. She was 
 concerned to example her family in the path of 
 humility, and carefully watched over herself, lest any 
 thing like passion should arise when cross occur- 
 rences happened. This striving against natural 
 disposition and temper was a striking example in her, 
 truly worthy of imitation, and caused those under 
 her care to serve her from love rather than fear. 
 
 While (at school) I was beset with temptations to 
 evil, the envier of my comfort, often drew my mind 
 into carelessness and forgetfulness of that precious 
 influence I had been favoured with, which would 
 have gathered and kept me w^ithin the fold, had it 
 been attended to. Tenderness of heart was, in mercy, 
 sometimes granted ; and I often repented in the night 
 of the commissions of the day. Many hours I have 
 been awake, pressed with painful feelings, whilst 
 my companion has been asleep. Dear Martha, who 
 always manifested a Christian care over us, was one 
 evening, after reading, particularly led to supplicate 
 for the preservation of the children of believing 
 parents, in which these words were uttered, '^ Oh ! 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 13 
 
 prepare them to appear before thee, clothed in white, 
 that their parents may have to say, * Here are we 
 with those that thou hast given us ' " — which words 
 sunk deep into my heart, knowing that I had reli- 
 gious parents. I often got alone, and begged for 
 preservation. One day, hearing a boy in the street 
 using grievous expressions and making use of the 
 Sacred Name, I trembled, and breathed to my 
 gracious Protector to preserve me from such hard- 
 ness of heart. 
 
 The prospect of leaving school, which occurred 
 about two years after, was a trial to me, believing 
 that I should be exposed in various ways, some time 
 after which I went to reside with my uncle, John 
 Stanley, at a farm of my father's about three miles 
 distance: he was a solid conscientious man, much 
 given to retirement, often walking alone in solitary 
 places, and justly merited the testimony borne of him 
 at his funeral, *^ An Israelite indeed in whom there 
 is no guile." He died the 22nd of 2nd mo. 1782. 
 During my residence with him, I was much tossed 
 with tempest and not comforted, and tried with 
 temptations which were permitted almost to over- 
 whelm me ; yet being much alone my heart was 
 often poured out in secret to a compassionate Saviour 
 for preservation, and I was at times favoured to 
 partake, in some degree, of those joys with which 
 a stranger cannot intermeddle. My parents fre- 
 quently came and spent a while with us. One 
 day my father was sitting looking into the garden, 
 and called me to him to shew me the bough of an 
 
14 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 apple tree which was bent down by the weight of 
 fruit that was upon it, very instructively remark- 
 ing, that fruit bearing branches must bow to the root 
 of life in themselves. 
 
 About this time, it pleased unerring wisdom to 
 take to himself my dear uncle, who had a tender 
 care over me, we often walked about four miles to 
 meeting together, and he would sometimes- enter 
 into serious conversation by the way; and I believe 
 would have loved me sincerely if I (like himself) 
 had submitted to a self-denying life ; but my spirit 
 wanted much bringing down and humbling. In the 
 day I was much employed ; in the night T often felt 
 sad, and watered my pillow with my tears : belief 
 also fixed on my mind that it would be required of me 
 to tell to others that " the Lord is good," for indeed 
 I felt him so. I had many comforts as well as 
 hidden exercises, which none knew but the Lord 
 alone. The cry of my heart was, ^* Send by whom 
 thou wilt send, send not by me." 
 
 In the year 1782, I married Stephen Hagger of 
 Hertford, I saw difficulty and trouble in my way, 
 and so did my affectionate father for me, yet he with 
 myself believed, if I kept near the Fountain of Life 
 I should be preserved, and I can truly say, that my 
 heart was much humbled by the consideration that 
 I did what I believed was my duty ; and as I was 
 about to leave my father's house outwardly, strong 
 cries were raised, that my heavenly Father might 
 be near, which in adorable mercy I experienced in 
 proportion to my attention to the " still small voice." 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 
 
 15 
 
 It pleased providence to take my dear father, on 
 the 30th of 11th mo. 1787, from a state of much 
 bodily suffering to that of never-ending joy. I spent 
 about six weeks with him during his last illness, 
 which has afforded me many comfortable reflections. 
 He had his servants called in as he found his strength 
 would bear, and gave them advice suitable to their 
 station, pressing upon them to persevere in a steady 
 care, to act honestly, &c. For us, his children, he 
 also felt an earnest solicitude, that we might be 
 careful to live in the fear of the Lord, and be a help 
 and comfort one to another and to our aged mother. 
 He was favoured with a calm and peaceful mind, and 
 had full assurance of eternal happiness, which he 
 expressed in much tenderness to several Friends who 
 came to see him. At one time, he said, he could 
 adopt the language of the apostle, " I have fought 
 a good fight, I have finished my course, I have 
 kept the faith ; henceforth there is laid up for me 
 a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the 
 righteous Judge, shall give me at that day, and not 
 to me only, but unto all them also that love his 
 appearing." 
 
 I felt the loss of my father much; few loved a 
 parent better, and few were blessed with one more 
 worthy. Soon after this, my dear mother began to 
 decline, and died in about two years. She enjoyed a 
 resigned mind, and there was every reason to believe 
 she made a happy close. 
 
 I was now bereaved of both my parents, my family 
 increased, and my trials also : I felt that I had none 
 
16 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 to look to but the Lord alone, no helper like him in 
 times of trouble. The weighty prospect before men- 
 tioned overwhelmed all other concerns, although I 
 had given up to speak a few words in meetings of 
 discipline when Truth required it of me. I believe if 
 the discipline is rightly supported, it must be by the 
 influence of the same Power that moves to every 
 duty; and I have been sorry to observe in some, a dis- 
 position to be active therein, without waiting long 
 enough at Wisdom's gate: these have misled the 
 weak, and hurt the pure cause. In this time of deep 
 exercise, I cried to my gracious Redeemer that the 
 weight might be taken from me, and laid on some one 
 more worthy : I knew myself entirely unfit, and 
 I longed to find an easier way to the kingdom than 
 by the cross, and by appearing and feeling so much a 
 fool before men. Oh ! it is indeed a strait gate and a 
 narrow path, to that part in us that is unmortified, and 
 will not bear the cross ; but the resigned mind finds a 
 precious liberty in the truth, and that there is no joy 
 like the joy of God's salvation. One time when 
 taking a solitary walk, a contriting impression covered 
 me with a sense ef duty: after some time of resistance, 
 hearing the intelligible voice, " Wilt thou neither be 
 faithful in sight nor out of sight ?" I kneeled down 
 in the path, and though I uttered no words, the 
 weight I felt was such, that I believe I should not 
 have risen had any one passed me. For many days 
 after this, my mind enjoyed sweet peace. 
 
 Thus I went on a long time, passing through many 
 hidden baptisms. My dear friend, Mary Prior, of 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 17 
 
 Hertford, was a tender mother to me, she resided 
 near, and was my constant attendant in many diffi- 
 culties. One time when my father was present, she 
 addressed him very encouragingly, and supplicated 
 that a double portion of his spirit might rest upon his 
 daughter. But oh ! my remissness and falling off 
 from duty many ways ! I was one of a sad heart, and 
 very apt to be cast down, and the envier of my peace 
 did not fail to use all his limited power to keep me so, 
 and presented many discouragements to my view, 
 such as that I had many times been unfaithful, and 
 they who were rightly called were willing. This I 
 knew to be a truth, but I did not consider that I was 
 made willing by the power of the cross. Oh ! he is 
 a liar, and ever was ! Mayst thou, my gracious 
 Helper, never suffer my poor tossed soul to become a 
 prey to his cruel malice ! It was about seven years 
 from the first time that the belief had been sealed on 
 my mind, that it would be required of me to expose 
 myself in public, when one morning before I rose 
 from my pillow, the impression fixed with me that 
 next First day morning would be the time to make a 
 total surrender ; and till then, the burden was so 
 heavy upon me, I could hardly set one foot before 
 another in my family, and I craved for strength to 
 Btand in my proper allotment. After the meeting had 
 been gathered awhile, the words presented, Lord, take 
 away my stony heart, and give me a heart of flesh, a 
 heart sincerely devoted to serve thee. The impression 
 was accompanied by a belief that if I did not give up, 
 the temptations that I had been so long at times tried 
 
18 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 with would be permitted to come upon me with double 
 force. I gave up, and after the meeting my mind 
 was favoured with a covering of quietness and love 
 that I cannot express. That day two weeks my soul 
 was humbled in prayer, I felt as if something drew 
 me on my knees : these acts of dedication, small com- 
 pared to many, caused peace and love to flow in my 
 heart to my family and friends. I thought within 
 myself, if I could but continue in this state, and partake 
 of the bitter cup, the wormwood and the gall, no more, 
 I should then have something like a heaven upon 
 earth : but this is not the place of our rest. 
 
 [It appears that she was acknowledged a minister 
 by Hertford Monthly Meeting, in the 4th mo., 1794. 
 In the year 1797, she removed with her husband and 
 family to Enfield highway, within the compass of 
 Tottenham Monthly Meeting. About this time, she 
 felt drawings in her mind to pay a religious visit to 
 Friends in Essex, but through lending an ear to the 
 suggestions of her soul's enemy, she did not resign 
 herself to this apprehension of duty, and thus incurred 
 the displeasure of her heavenly Father, causing herself 
 afterwards (as she has been heard to say with tears) 
 a long wilderness travel of many years, in which 
 troubles and trials outwardly, as well as desertion and 
 distress inwardly, were her sorrowful portion. Their 
 outward circumstances were greatly reduced, and 
 though she exerted herself to the utmost in assisting 
 to support her family, all her attempts appeared unsuc- 
 cessful, and there were times when they were greatly 
 distressed. The enemv of her soul did not fail to make 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 19 
 
 use of these trials, to plunge her discouraged mind 
 still lower, and she resigned her seat in the meeting 
 of ministers and elders in the year 1807. In the year 
 1809, she lost a very promising child; and in 1810, she 
 attended the death bed of her husband, who after much 
 conflict of mind, was favoured to make a peaceful 
 close. But He who waits long to be gracious, and 
 will have mercy on his afflicted children, was pleased 
 in due time to say, it is enough, and to favour her 
 again, both with the lifting up of the light of His 
 blessed countenance, and with a gradual increase of 
 outward substance ; whereby she was enabled to dis- 
 charge all her debts, and many of her husband's also. 
 Yet, although thus favoured, and again permitted to 
 feel the influence of the Divine Spirit, constraining 
 her to testify of the Lord's goodness to others, many 
 still were her discouragements, and frequent work was 
 made for fresh repentance, in the fearful withholding 
 of more than was meet, the retracing of her steps 
 requiring more faith than a simple acting at first had 
 done ; and she thus expresses herself in after life, in 
 reverting to this long time of trial — " I have abundant 
 cause to admire and reverence the Great Name, that 
 His preserving arm has been round about me, and His 
 tender mercies are lengthened out still. When I have 
 been mourning over my own infirmities, I have fully 
 believed, had I been more resigned, the grand enemy 
 could not have caused so long a wilderness ; but he 
 knows I am one of a sad heart, and very apt to take 
 discouragement, and never more so than of late : were 
 it not for the sweet feeling of peace mercifully granted, 
 when ability is afforded to give up to requirings of 
 
20 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 duty (as I apprehend) my little faith, like poor Peter's, 
 would fail, and I should sink under the weight of my 
 frequent unwatchfulness, and want of more firm 
 resolution." 
 
 In reviving these circumstances, which she would 
 often speak of to her intimate friends, with tears of 
 gratitude to Him who had delivered her out of all her 
 afflictions, it is hoped that warning, instruction, and 
 encouragement may be derived by the reader ; at the 
 same time we feel it like rearing a little altar of praise 
 to Him whose compassions fail not, but who enables 
 the upright to hold on their way, fixing their hearts in 
 humble trust on Him alone.] 
 
 My brother, William Knight died the 17th of 2nd 
 mo., 1814, in his 58th year. " Mark the perfect 
 man, and behold the upright ; for the end of that man 
 is peace." He was buried at Chelmsford; a very 
 large and quiet meeting was held on the occasion, 
 which was graciously owned by the presence of Him 
 who visited this my dear brother, and inclined his 
 heart to seek and serve Him during a life of affliction, 
 and through whose mercy he has no doubt entered the 
 kingdom of everlasting rest. 
 
 8th mo. 4th. Dear A. S. was buried at Tottenham : 
 S. G. was at the interment, it was a memorable time, 
 he was much favoured in testimony, and the meeting 
 also with a sweet calm. 
 
 2nd mo. 26th, 1815. Returned from the funeral 
 of Mary Pryor. She might justly be termed '^ a 
 mother in Israel," evidently feeling true love to 
 clothe her heart, and in it endeavouring to cherish 
 the least appearance of good in all. Her general life 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 21 
 
 and conversation was edifying and reaching; her 
 reverent awful waiting in silent meetings was often 
 an excitement to diligence; her ministry, deep and 
 powerful, has often roused a longing of soul in some 
 who were favoured to be intimately acquainted with 
 her, for ability to follow her as she followed Christ 
 the Captain of the saints' victory. 
 
 10th. Poor and low, but not forsaken. When a 
 little feasting has been permitted. Oh ! my soul, be 
 thou willing to fill up thy part of suffering, for His 
 sake who died to purchase everlasting life for thee. 
 
 After about a month's confinement by inflammation 
 of my eyes, they are now restored. Oh ! that this 
 afflicting circumstance may awaken my gloomy mind 
 to more diligence, that the awful sound may never be 
 heard in mine ears, *' The summer is ended, the 
 harvest is past, and thou art not saved !" 
 
 28th. My sister and myself left home to visit our 
 relations in Essex, and were at Chelmsford meeting 
 on fourth day. I felt very poor and forsaken, lament 
 ing my backwardness to duty, and longed for more 
 strength and faith. May I endeavour more and more 
 for ability to adopt the language, " Let others do as 
 they may, as for me and my house, we will serve the 
 Lord." We were out about three weeks, and I 
 returned home better satisfied than I had reason to 
 expect, having renewed cause to admire the tender 
 dealings of a faithful Creator. 
 
 6th mo. 25th. Attended the funeral of F. P. She 
 had been at meeting in usual health, went to bed, and 
 died in her sleep : an awful but [doubtless] a happy 
 change for her. May so striking an event arouse us 
 
22 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 careless ones to more watchfulness, and prove an 
 excitement to make our calling and election sure. 
 
 7tli mo. 9tli. Monthly Meeting — I believed it right 
 for me to bear testimony to the exemplary life of our 
 late dear friend F. P., and was rewarded with peace. 
 
 8th mo. J 26th. My dear daughter Elizabeth was 
 taken ill: little did I think that her illness would 
 prove fatal. After about eleven days' deep suffering, 
 she was, without the shadow of a doubt, happily 
 released on the 4th of 9th mo. Oh ! the anguish and 
 distress I felt, is beyond words to express: her mind 
 was preserved quiet and calm, and her end was 
 blessed. The funeral took place at Tottenham, on the 
 9th, a meeting was held on the occasion. " Blessed 
 are the dead that die in the Lord." Shall we call in 
 question the ways of the Almighty, or hesitate to be- 
 lieve that the Judge of all the earth doeth right? I 
 had previous to this affliction, been advised to try sea 
 air to recover my health, my son and daughter who 
 resided at Ashford, persuaded me to return with them, 
 from whence I went on to Folkstone, where I stayed 
 about a month, and spent it in the bitterness of my soul. 
 Oh ! may the everlasting arm continue to be under- 
 neath in all our afflictions, give us strength to trust in 
 Him, to fear Him, and to take courage. 
 
 [Extract from a letter written to a friend at this 
 time.] 
 
 My dear Friend, 
 
 I hope it will be excusable, if in the bitterness of my 
 heart I unfold a little into thy bosom, whom I have 
 long looked to as a father in experience, and have 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 23 
 
 ere now had much consolation in thy communications ; 
 though in the present conflict, I feel afraid to look or 
 wish for it from any quarter, but the true source of 
 everlasting help ; and that seems withheld or dried 
 up, — it is as a fountain sealed. Oh ! had I strength 
 to believe His mercies are continued, His loving- 
 kindness lengthened out still, then I should have 
 hope. But now I seem overwhelmed, the depression 
 of my mind is heavier than I know how to bear, 
 and temptation follows me ; the envier of my peace is 
 indeed as a roaring lion seeking to devour the good, 
 if any ever prevailed. Oh ! that I could feel my 
 confidence again renewed in that everlasting Helper, 
 whom I have of late believed it my duty to recom- 
 mend to others, more frequently than has been the 
 case some years past, but have felt greater dis- 
 couragement of late than words can express, some- 
 times giving up pretty freely, sometimes holding back 
 a part. 
 
 If I had it in my power I dare not call my dear 
 Elizabeth back again : I know it is a duty to stand 
 resigned to every dispensation of Divine Providence, 
 but I cannot attain it. I wish I could hide myself in 
 a cave of the earth, where I could mourn out my 
 days in sorrow, and see man no morej or that the 
 Almighty would be pleased to support with his life- 
 giving presence, while the waves and the billows pass 
 over. I often desire to have my punishment in this 
 life, if I may but enjoy the enriching presence of 
 Him whom my soul hath loved when these few 
 moments of affliction, of pain and sorrow are over. 
 
24 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 Oh ! that we, dear , may have our rest secured 
 
 where the wicked cease from troubling, and where 
 the weary find rest. I have been afraid to desire 
 help, except from Him who alone knows I feel 
 unable to offer a sigh or a tear, or scarcely to breathe 
 for help ; but may He who cares for the sparrows, 
 in His own time, care for me, and others who are 
 tried as to an hair's breadth. 
 
 Thy affectionate friend, 
 
 M. Hagger. 
 
 10th mo. 29th. Quarterly Meeting, it was large and 
 satisfactory, many little seasonable offerings in the 
 fore part, towards the end, dear B. W. sweetly 
 addressed a hidden, afflicted state, and several times 
 expressed encouragement to such, to hold on their way. 
 After which S. H. concluded the meeting in supplica- 
 tion, which I consider the most solemn worship 
 attainable. 
 
 After a considerable time of hesitation about scoin^^ 
 to Ashford, I left home for that purpose 28th of 1st. 
 mo. 1818. — My mind on the way was so calm and 
 peaceful as caused me to think I was not out of my 
 place. 
 
 6th mo. 1820. At the last Yearly Meeting, many 
 sensibly felt the extendings of Divine regard. S. 
 G. who is lately returned from Russia, and J. A. 
 visited the women's meeting, and had a very in- 
 structive testimony, recommending us to a state of 
 passiveness, as clay in the hands of the potter, and 
 to become passive even as the mire in the streets. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 25 
 
 S. G. left London soon after, and returned to the 
 bosom of his friends. 
 
 10th mo. 21st. How unspeakably awful is the 
 prospect of a never-ending existence, one that cannot 
 change! and how are the branches of our family 
 cut down as on the right hand and on the left ! 
 
 I spent a few days pleasantly with my kind 
 friend E. H. at Hertford : we went to see a friend 
 in declining health, sat a little time together, and were 
 refreshed. We dined with a relation. A few words 
 solemnly impressed me, and though to give up, felt 
 as near as that of parting with a right hand or a right 
 eye, it was sealed on my mind, that if I did not bear 
 the cross, I should not obtain the crown. On my 
 return, I seemed as though I had been sitting under 
 my own vine and under my own fig-tree, where none 
 shall make afraid. After meeting, I returned home. 
 In a little retirement this morning, I was owned with 
 the precious feeling of good which I covet above all 
 things. O Lord, preserve me in the decline of life 
 from a state of gloom and insensibility, and grant a 
 lively hope in thy mercy. 
 
 1st mo. 23rd, 1825. 's child was buried 
 
 at Tottenham. After meeting, my poor unwatchful 
 mind fell into deep distress, through neglect of attend- 
 ing to the still small voice, or inclination to be with 
 them at the grave side. Oh ! the heart-felt pain that 
 followed me. " If thy own heart condemn thee, God 
 is greater." I begged for mercy and strength to rise 
 above the fear of my fellow-creatures. 
 
 24th. I was favoured with a little more calm. 
 
26 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 and opened the Bible on the 42nd Psalm, 11th verse, 
 " Why art thou cast down, O my soul ? and why 
 art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God, 
 for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my 
 countenance and my God.'^ Towards morning my 
 stubborn will gave way a little, and I had a sweet 
 sleep. It is a mercy to know our sins to go before 
 hand to judgment, and to feel the poor tossed mind 
 stayed on a faithful Creator. 
 
 2nd mo. 5th, 1825. Standing by the grave of J. 
 M., I felt a necessity to expose myself. I returned 
 home with the reward of peace, which humbled my 
 mind under a sense of forgiveness for my former 
 withholding. 
 
 10th mo. 11th. Returned from Kent, where I spent 
 about nine weeks pleasantly, and I hope not grown 
 worse in best things. 
 
 11th mo. 2nd. I have had for about a week past 
 a violent attack of nervous head-ache ; my outward 
 prospects on account of health are dull and gloomy. 
 Oh ! may my soul be more firmly established on that 
 Rock that is both sure and stedfast. 
 
 13th. After feeling a pressing necessity I kneeled 
 down by poor afilicted J. M.'s bedside, and 1 hope 
 rightly petitioned for him and myself, that we might 
 not be forsaken in old age and affliction. The reflec- 
 tion of this opportunity afforded me much satisfaction. 
 
 1826, 9th mo. 18th. Returned from Ashford where 
 I had spent six weeks much to my satisfaction, and 
 three weeks at Folkstone — part of the time in illness, 
 which though painful was not unprofitable, — wherein 
 
OF MARY HAGGEB. 27 
 
 I had to admire the tender dealings of the Most High ; 
 I have no reason to regret my visit to this place, I was 
 by myself, which is what I have long wished to be, 
 and I was favoured with some sweet refreshing seasons 
 in my secret retirements. 
 
 1st mo. 26th, 1827. O thou who hast in abun- 
 dant mercy condescended to be the guide of my 
 early age, when under the care of tender parents, 
 I have abundant cause to commemorate thy loving- 
 kindness and Fatherly care over me : if I had been 
 in all things faithful to thy commands, how would 
 my peace have flowed as a river, although I have 
 painfully to reflect on many omissions and com- 
 missions, I have many times experienced that there 
 is mercy with Thee that Thou mayst be feared. 
 And now I pray thee to be the support of my old 
 age. Oh ! cause my mind to be fixed on Thee, 
 Thou everlasting rock of ages. 
 
 4th mo. 4th. Thou who hast all power in thy 
 hand, in heaven and on earth, oh ! that it would please 
 thee so to humble my heart, that I might have no 
 will of my own, but feel perfect resignation to thy 
 holy will in all things. Thou hast promised a blessing 
 to the poor in spirit, forget not one who is as a worm 
 and no man before thee. The distressing pain in my 
 head is very trying to bear, grant patience, and cause 
 it to prove as a refiner's fire and as a fuller's soap. 
 
 7th mo. 16th. This morning the pain in my head 
 
 was very distressing, I was low, thinking the awful 
 
 summons was at hand. I was however favoured to feel 
 
 calm and quiet, and endeavoured to pray for perfect 
 
 B 2 
 
28 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 resignation, and " that I might die the death of the 
 righteous, and that my last end might be like his." 
 
 Perusing the writings of our worthy predecessors 
 often proves instructive. My heart was affected this 
 day in reading some of the life of John Crook, where 
 I found this striking passage, which he copied from 
 the margin of an old Bible, printed about the year 
 1599, " When the mind thinks nothing, when the 
 soul covets nothing, and the body acteth nothing 
 contrary to the will of God, this is perfect sancti- 
 fication." 
 
 To A Friend. 
 
 Ashford, 1827. 
 My dear Friend, 
 
 Thy affectionate lines were truly acceptable, it is in- 
 deed a consolation to believe we are not alone in the 
 tribulated path. Job Scott calls it •* an old beaten 
 path.'' I well remember your kindness to me long 
 since, and when thou feelst an inclination to drop a 
 mite (as thou callst it) do not withhold ; remember 
 the effect of a small instrument formerly, when the 
 command was given to sound the rams' horns, and the 
 people joined in the shout. I believe little offerings 
 are as humiliating to give up to as longer testimonies, 
 and if it is all that is required, the reward is sure. 
 
 [Speaking of her apprehension of duty to appear in 
 meetings, she says,] The awful engagement has been 
 a gradual exercise to me from early life, none knew 
 the pantings of my heart ; I could not let Him go, 
 and my stubborn, disobedient will would not give up 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 29 
 
 to serve Him freely ; if my life had been required, it 
 would have been an easier sacrifice. I have for many 
 months and years gone bowed under these humiliating 
 feelings, begging that the impression might be taken 
 from me, and laid on some one more fit. I have 
 abundant cause to admire and reverence the Great 
 Name, that His preserving arm has been round about, 
 and His tender mercies are lengthened out still. I 
 much desire, my dear friend, to be preserved from a 
 wish to live on the labour of others, but to be resigned 
 to do the work assigned me, and to be strengthened, 
 now in my declining age, and made sensible of for- 
 giveness for many omissions that are passed, (oh ! 
 what a happy state !) and in future to make strait 
 steps to the land of rest. I should like thee to men- 
 tion the subject of my leaving Tottenham to ; I 
 
 have a great opinion of her judgment, and love her 
 much ; she will, I hope, as well as thyself, weigh the 
 matter for me ; it seems no light thing; and if she or 
 thyself have a few words for me, it will be acceptable : 
 if it is reproof, I can bear it, and if encouragement, I 
 hope it will do me good. When thou art favoured 
 with ability for prayer, or panting for preservation, 
 remember thy poor unworthy friend, 
 
 Mary Hagger. 
 
 [This year, 1827, she removed to Ashford, within 
 the compass of Folkstone Monthly Meeting, and was 
 re-acknowledged a member of the Select Meeting in 
 5th mo. 1830.] 
 
 *3rd mo. 19th, I arrived safe at Newington, and found 
 
30 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA. 
 
 my dear children well. Not having been at Tottenham 
 for a considerable time, I felt a renewed regard for 
 many friends whom I had known and loved, many 
 years before I left, I called and took leave of several, 
 in two families a few words arose as a sacrifice called 
 for, and obedience procured the reward. 
 
 Looking towards our little meeting at Ashford, my 
 mind is afiected with weighty reflections, how shall so 
 poor a creature as I go in and out, so as to give no 
 occasion of stumbling to the honest inquirer. Truly 
 the fields appear white unto harvest in many places, 
 may the Great Husbandman be pleased, in the riches 
 of his love to raise up, qualify, and send many faithful 
 labourers into his harvest. Oh ! for a deeper sense of 
 gratitude than I have yet known. Great and mar- 
 vellous are thy works, O Lord, past finding out by 
 thy poor creatures ! 
 
 After my return home, I fell into much poverty of 
 spirit, I seemed to have no strength to feel after what 
 I had so often coveted, and striving to wait in the 
 quiet, these words presented, *^ I am a stranger in the 
 earth, hide not thy commandments from me." " Will 
 the Lord cast off for ever? will he be favourable no 
 more ? Is his mercy clean gone for ever ? Doth His 
 promise fail for ever more ? Hath God forgotten to 
 be gracious ? Hath He in anger shut up his tender 
 mercies?" These words of the Psalmist raised in me 
 similar pantings of heart. Mayst Thou, Lord ! 
 be my shield, and the lifter up of my head. 
 
 8th mo. 1st. We were favoured with a visit from 
 J. H , of Lancashire, who is visiting the county. 
 
OP MARY HAGGER. 31 
 
 Our little company met on sixth day evening, and we 
 were favoured with a heart-tendering season. His 
 appearance and exemplary conduct afforded a striking 
 example of humility and self-denial. The company 
 of dedicated servants thus sent, I consider, as a renewed 
 visitation of Divine Love. 
 
 After this visit, distress and woe again became my 
 bitter cup. I looked back on many circumstances of 
 my chequered life with doubting and fear. Thick 
 darkness covered me. I sought Him whom, in the 
 days of my youth, I loved above all other enjoyments ; 
 but He had hid his face from me. T sought Him by 
 night and by day, but found him not. The God and 
 Father of the faithful (in which number I know I 
 cannot include my disconsolate soul) is not dealing 
 with me according to my deserts, but according to his 
 own loving-kindness and tender mercy. " I will 
 (saith the Lord) bring the blind by a way that they 
 know not, and lead them in paths that they have not 
 known : I will make darkness light before them, 
 and crooked paths straight; these things will I do 
 unto them, and will not forsake them." " I will go 
 before thee and break in pieces the gates of brass, and 
 cut the bars of iron asunder, and will give thee the 
 treasures of darkness, and the hidden riches of secret 
 places." How precious are the Scriptures when opened 
 by their Divine Original ! they are as honey from the 
 rock, yea, sweeter than the honey-comb. 
 
 18th. I have been tried much, for about the last 
 two weeks, by indisposition, which brought me very 
 low ; my bodily strength failed, and my little stock of 
 
32 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEHORANiyA 
 
 faith was tried to an hair's breadth. The volume of 
 the book within and without seemed sealed as with 
 seven seals, that none could open but the Lion of the 
 tribe of Judah, who can quicken the dead, and call 
 the things which are not as though they were. Oh ! 
 that I could come into His presence, and plead with 
 Him, as a man pleadeth with his friend ; for though 
 I see Him not, yet judgment is with Him j therefore, 
 
 my soul, trust thou in Him. 
 
 8th mo. 22nd. I was sitting by myself (in my son's 
 cottage, near Ashford), whether I was dozing or not, 
 
 1 cannot tell. I had sat but a short time, when I saw 
 my dear father as plainly as ever I did when living, 
 dressed in light clothes, such as he used to wear, and 
 a neck-cloth about his neck, without his hat ; he 
 appeared to be about three or four yards from me ; the 
 clear shining light of the place where he was, also the 
 beautiful serenity and composure of his countenance 
 exceeded anything I ever saw, nor can I describe it 
 to another. He looked at me, and very sweetly smiled. 
 The vision was of short duration, but it brought an 
 awe that affected my heart with tenderness and solem- 
 nity. Oh ! that myself and my beloved children may 
 be permitted to go down again and again to the very 
 bottom of Jordan, the river of God's judgment, that 
 we may be cleansed from every defilement, and the 
 precious part in us be prepared to unite with those, who 
 are ah*eady centred in happiness, in a song of praise. 
 
 9th mo. 7th. Attended a preparative meeting, the 
 fore part of which was deeply exercising ; but before 
 we separated, light broke forth and dispersed the 
 
OP MARY HAGGER. 33 
 
 cloud, and enabled us in effect to adopt the language 
 of the woman formerly, " Rejoice with me for I have 
 found the piece that was lost/' 
 
 23rd. Our Quarterly Meeting was held about this 
 time at Maidstone. A solemn quiet prevailed, and I 
 believe the meeting was preciously owned, particularly 
 in the fore part. I came home in the evening poorly 
 in health, and stripped and low in mind, though I 
 felt no condemnation. Surely the tendering love of 
 Him who dwelt in the bush is present every where if 
 sought after. It is so prevalent in our little meetings, 
 where six or seven assemble, that I sometimes long 
 for a meeting day. Oh ! may we, in deep humility, 
 number our blessings, and prize our inestimable 
 privilege of sitting together without interruption, from 
 any form of words. 
 
 29th. My health in the course of this week has 
 been improved; but where has been the return of 
 gratitude to the preserver of men, who bringeth 
 down to the grave and lifteth up ? Like the unstable 
 element whose billows run very high, and wave suc- 
 ceeds to wave, so rest and quiet seem to take their 
 leave of us ; but man did not make himself, neither 
 can he deliver or preserve himself; yet I believe in 
 those seasons of deep distress poor mortals are under 
 the immediate and particular care of the Most High ; 
 and, in the language of one of his favoured servants, 
 we may say, " There are none so near fainting but he 
 putteth his arm under their head." " He marketh our 
 wanderings and knoweth the path we take." 
 
 1st mo. 4th, 1828. Still poorly, hardly able to sit 
 c3 
 
34 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 meeting, or do my share of labour therein. Oh ! 
 that a faithful Creator would see fit to release me 
 from this poor diseased tabernacle, that through the 
 merits of a dear Redeemer the precious part might 
 ascend to him who gave it ! How hast Thou broken 
 in and tendered my heart ! 
 
 10th mo. 21st. I can say thy rod and thy staff 
 they comfort me. Surely Jehovah is good to Israel, 
 graciously regarding the low state of those that seek 
 him, and that think upon his name. He knoweth 
 our frame and remembereth that we are dust. Oh ! 
 through all and every trying exercise, may the 
 seed sown in much debility grow till mortality be 
 swallowed up of life ! 
 
 5th mo. 18th. I left home for Maidstone, and 
 next day reached Tottenham, intending to be at the 
 Yearly Meeting j but was so unwell that most of the 
 time was spent there. Thou, who doest ail things 
 well, canst bring near to the grave, and raise up at 
 thy pleasure. Under every permission of thy pro- 
 vidence, strengthen my heart with increasing faith to 
 trust and not be afraid. I have nothing that I can 
 return unto thee for thy abundant and adorable 
 mercies, nor have I any hope of admission into thy 
 kingdom of rest and peace, but through the inter- 
 cession of thy dear and beloved Son, who taketh away 
 the sins of the world, who was wounded for our trans- 
 gressions, who was bruised for our iniquities, and by 
 whose stripes we are healed. I was, however, 
 favoured to attend three of the sittings of the Yearly 
 Meeting, staid from home till the 10th of 7th mo., 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 35 
 
 and was so far recovered as to be able to return to 
 Asliford. 
 
 7th mo. 15th. Lying on the bed, very low and 
 poorly, I was favoured to look towards the -God 
 of patience and consolation ; my heart was tenderly 
 affected with love for the whole creation, for whom 
 our dear Redeemer suffered, and for my own affec- 
 tionate children with their near connexions in par- 
 ticular. Oh ! may they be blessed with the dew of 
 heaven, may the blessing of the everlasting hills rest 
 upon them ! My mind returned to its own exercise, 
 in which a sweet calm was felt, and I rejoiced, with 
 many tears, in the God of my salvation. 
 
 9th mo. 2nd. In sitting in our little meeting to- 
 day, I thought I never felt my mind more replenished 
 w^ith love to our holy Helper, from whom are all our 
 well-springs ; and also to the few with whom I was 
 gathered. Coming home and speaking to a friend, I 
 got off my guard, which caused leanness and poverty, 
 though not much distress ; which will be the case till 
 every obstruction be removed, and infinite goodness is 
 pleased to take full possession of the heart, and to 
 bind the strong man, spoiling all his goods. 
 
 Two very dull meetings : some desire was felt to 
 wait on the holy Helper, in absolute dependence, in 
 nothingness of self ; but something seemed like a bar 
 in the way : much rubbish is collected, that prevents 
 our getting into the closet and shutting to the door. 
 
 10th mo. 18th. I felt pain of heart for want of 
 more attention to the still small voice, in our after- 
 noon meeting. O Thou who art the Helper of the 
 
B6 EXTRACTS PROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 poor and the needy in their distress, be pleased to 
 cause my heart to be more and more subject to Thy 
 blessed will, that so I may be permitted to partake of 
 Thy internal presence, -which is better than life. 
 "Who is a God like unto Thee, who pardoneth 
 iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the 
 remnant of thine heritage ? Thou retaineth not thine 
 anger for eyer, because thou delighteth in niercy. 
 
 10th mo. 21st. At our little meeting I felt more 
 calm and serene than sometimes. He that allureth 
 into the wilderness can open a door of hope, for ever 
 blessed be his name ! Oh ! that I possessed more of 
 the spirit of Caleb and Joshua, who followed the 
 Lord fully, and through faith and patience inherited 
 the promised land, 
 
 12th mo. 14th. I attended a Quarterly Meeting at 
 Folkstone, and believe many were sensible of feelings 
 resembling the mantle cast over Elisha formerly. 
 What a privilege we enjoy ! May none professing 
 with us forsake [Christ] the fountain of living water, 
 who said ^' If any man thirst let him come unto 
 me and drink," and turn aside to the corrupt 
 channels of carnal reason and creaturely power; for 
 if so, the strong shall be as tow, and the maker of 
 it as a spark, when the Lord shall shake terribly 
 the earth, and exalt his only begotten Son as the 
 refuge of the poor, and the strong-hold of the daughter 
 of Sion. 
 
 23rd. I met at our week day meeting with three 
 besides myself, and much desired that the drawing 
 back of others might not operate to discourage any. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 37 
 
 The blessing is not confined to the multitude, and if 
 we are so favoured as to meet with the beloved of souls, 
 the chief of ten thousand, we may rejoice that we 
 have found the pearl of great price. 
 
 1st mo. 8th, 1829. I heard of the death of J. B. 
 When I consider how many way-marks on our walls 
 are removed, and view with awfulness the shade of 
 dissolution as at the threshold of my door, oh ! that 
 I could possess an unshaken hope that a standard will 
 be raised up against the king of terrors, so that death 
 may be a welcome messenger, as was the case with 
 our dear ancient Friend, who is gathered into the 
 garner of everlasting rest, as a shock of corn in its 
 season ! 
 
 2nd mo. 6th. Commences the seventy-second 
 year of my age. Through unutterable mercy I have 
 numbered many days, compared with the generality 
 of the human race, and yet, on looking back, I am 
 ready to say, few and evil have been the days of 
 the years of my pilgrimage ; I find I have neither 
 storehouse, nor barn, nor a rag to cover my many 
 errors, but all are open and bare to the view of 
 Him with whom we have to do, and who comforted 
 his followers by reminding them, that they were of 
 more value than many sparrows. 
 
 3rd mo. 21st. I went to Dover to the funeral of 
 " who left a sweet babe about nine days old» 
 A watchful providence owned some of our minds 
 with a fresh feeling of his goodness, which is ancient 
 and new, whereby a consoling hope was entertained 
 of the eternal well-being of the deceased, that her 
 
38 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 tears strewed in secret were accepted, and that she 
 now has the blessed enjoyments of that city, where 
 none can say I am sick. But unto such as still go 
 mourning on their way, saying, " Spare thy people, 
 O Lord, and give not thy heritage to reproach," 
 He is giving at times, to experience the oil of joy 
 for mourning, and the garment of praise for the 
 spirit of heaviness ; these are of that number " who 
 did all eat of the same spiritual meat, and did all 
 drink of the same spiritual drink, for they drank of 
 that spiritual Rock that followed them, and that 
 Rock was Christ," 
 
 5th mo. 12th, 1830. Our Monthly Meeting was 
 held at Ashford, a memorable day to me.* May 
 the God of all grace, in his unmerited condescension, 
 so watch over and stay my mind, that I may give no 
 offence, either to Jew or Gentile, or bring dishonour 
 on his church or people ! ^ 
 
 17th, second day. On the first sitting down of 
 the Yearly Meeting, we were favoured with a precious 
 covering, my mind was humbled under a sense of 
 its many deficiencies, of how much I owe, and that I 
 possess nothing that I can offer in return for such 
 unspeakable blessings. 
 
 The meeting ended on the seventh day week by a 
 meeting of ministers and elders in the morning. 
 Reflecting on such dignified stations has often affected 
 my heart. " Watch and pray," has sweetly occurred 
 to my mind, and for this good end, " that ye enter 
 
 * The day in which she was reinstated a Minister by Folkstone 
 Monthly Meeting-. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 
 
 39 
 
 not into temptation ;" by which the vessel may be 
 preserved in sanctification and honour, and the im- 
 mortal birth have its habitation in a purified temple. 
 Then may the new heavens and the new earth break 
 forth into singing, because the Lord comforteth his 
 people, and hath mercy on his afflicted. We re- 
 turned home and attended the Quarterly Meeting at 
 Dover, it was a time of feeding in a good degree, so 
 that many could say, in the disciples' language, that 
 they lacked nothing. 
 
 Thou hast, O gracious Father ! condescended in the 
 days of my youth to visit my soul, and incline it to 
 seek thy tendering presence, [whereby] I have often 
 felt as a worm, and no man before thee — thou hast 
 been (according to my attention to thy inspeaking 
 word) a sure guide, a director, and deliverer in various 
 trials and difficulties ; and now in my declining age, 
 when health and strength fail, I crave thy merciful 
 assistance and protection, that so thy light, that was 
 a light to David's feet and lantern to his path, may' 
 be mine, and prove the joyful theme of my evening 
 song. 
 
 7th mo. 14th. My son and daughter being gone to 
 the Monthly Meeting, I went to our meeting and sat 
 by myself, and had no cause to repent. Desires were 
 felt to be under the influence of that power, which 
 can enable to do or to suffer whatever is best for me ; 
 but this is hard to flesh and blood ; what need we 
 have to seek Him who alone remains to be the helper 
 of the needy ! 
 
 In the beginning of the 7th mo. I received the 
 affecting information of the death of my only sur- 
 
40 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 viving son, which occurred in a foreign country, after 
 an absence of twelve years. Though consoled with 
 the hope that his long affliction had been sanctified to 
 him, and that he had been mercifully removed from 
 the evil to come, I felt this bereavement an addition 
 to tlie tribulations which have befallen me. 
 
 What a comfort to be favoured with an evidence 
 that our election is made sure ! Yet even to those 
 who arrive at this state of being in Him who is the 
 elect, the evidence of it may be withheld, and doubts 
 at times may continue to assail them : nevertheless 
 " the foundation of God standeth sure, having this 
 seal, the Lord knoweth them that are his." 
 
 12th mo. 14th. Our Monthly Meeting : the select 
 meeting, the evening before, was a time of refresh- 
 ment. The words of the Psalmist were brought to 
 my mind, " The Lord preserveth the simple ; I was 
 brought low and He helped me." We were favoured 
 with the company of two devoted travellers in the 
 good cause, whose solid example was strengthening to 
 some of us, whose hands often hang down, and knees 
 smite together. Oh ! for a mind more redeemed from 
 these lower enjoyments, and an entire subjection to the 
 will of ray heavenly Father in all things ? I hope I 
 shall not complain, nor think my sufferings hard. I 
 am mortal, and must decay as to the outward, but I 
 am at times comforted (though at others much dis- 
 couraged) in a hope that the inward man gains a little 
 strength ; more however is necessary to come to a 
 certainty of being prepared for admittance into heaven 
 when the spirit leaves this mortal tabernacle. 
 
 19th. O my soul ! what an awful situation thou 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 
 
 41 
 
 art placed in! Mayst thou be so attentive to the 
 voice of Him that speakest from heaven, that nothing 
 may hinder thy sacred duty to thy God. 
 
 12th mo. 29th. We had the company of— — and 
 
 , who were engaged in visiting part of the families 
 
 of this Monthly Meeting. They seemed low and 
 deeply exercised. How acceptable, in the Lord's 
 time, are the returns of a renewal of strength ; and 
 when in mercy this is vouchsafed, what a consolation 
 doth it afford that, as a father pitieth his children, so 
 doth the Lord pity those who love and serve Him. 
 My mind was depressed, I longed to sit, as Mary did, 
 at the feet of a blessed Redeemer. 
 
 [Extract of a Letter.] 
 To A Friend. 
 Ashford, 2nd mo. \6thy 1831. 
 My Dear Friend, 
 I have been looking at the date of thy affectionate 
 letter ; I remember it raised a feeling in my heart 
 then that did me good, and the same is revived again. 
 But how soon do these tender impressions like a sha- 
 dow pass away ! Eveiy state seems to require steady 
 watchfulness, and how dijficult to keep to. This 
 morning at meeting, I thought we were favoured 
 to feel real refreshment, a little heavenly dew which 
 replenished my feeble mind. I returned better than I 
 went, and it afforded some hope of being fed again in 
 the afternoon. But O, how different ! how has my 
 mind been wandering before I was aware, forgetting 
 the solemn occasion for which we were met. But the 
 
42 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 good remembrancer is ever watching over us for good ; 
 the arm of His tender mercy is stretched out still, to 
 bring such wanderers back through painful returning 
 steps, and to direct safely to His fold of everlasting 
 rest, all those who are devoted faithfully to follow 
 Him, and whose hearts are entirely given up and 
 willing to be counted by all men as fools for His sake. 
 It is this renunciation of every selfish will, a becoming 
 like passive clay, I long to experience ; then I do 
 believe hard things will be made easy, and resig- 
 nation given to follow the Lamb whithersoever he is 
 pleased to lead, though it may be through many 
 tribulations and deep provings. I often feel as though 
 my end was near. I never felt greater need of watch- 
 fulness, and fear lest I fall a prey to a cruel enemy, 
 and be at last taken captive at his will — never more 
 need of the prayers of my friends, than now in my 
 feeble old age, not able to help myself to one good 
 thought. I hope, dear friend, when thou art favoured 
 sensibly to draw near the source of all good, thou 
 wilt not forget thy exercised friend ; and be en- 
 couraged to do what thy hands find to do with all thy 
 might ; remember that whilst health and strength are 
 afforded is the most acceptable time for service. 
 Thy afiectionate friend, 
 
 M. H. 
 
 3rd mo. 4th, 1831. Through unwatchfulness and 
 inattention to that which alone leads safely, I was as 
 one left to myself — one that had no anchor, iiothing 
 to stay myself upon, tossed as with a tempest, 
 
' OF MARY HAGGER 43 
 
 and not comforted : but striving to wait quietly, I 
 felt an impulse to fall on my knees, and mentally pray 
 to Him who seeth in secret, and heareth prayer, that 
 I might know the strong man cast out, and all his 
 goods spoiled. My dear children too were brought 
 near my heart with strong breathings, that He who 
 maketh the clouds his chariot, and walketh upon the 
 wings of the wind, might be pleased to protect and 
 guide them safely to his holy mountain, and make 
 them joyful in his house of prayer. 
 
 6th. We had the Yearly Meetings' Committee at 
 Ashford preparative meeting ; though they were not 
 large in testimony, yet they had a word in season. 
 May it prove as a dew from the Lord, as the showers 
 upon the grass, that tarry not for man, nor wait for 
 the sons of men. 
 
 5th mo. Every dispensation of Divine Providence 
 calls loudly on us to pray always, and in every thing 
 to give thanks ; but how hard is this to attain. 
 
 6th mo. 19th. I attended the funeral of our valued 
 cousin, M. I., at Colne; her illness was long and 
 very suffering; she w^as enabled to bear it with 
 patience and resignation. She dropped some weighty 
 expressions, to the comfort and consolation of her 
 afflicted husband. She said her spirit was sweetly at 
 rest in Jesus, the sting of death was taken away, and 
 the grave would have no victory over her, &c. &c. 
 It was a day to be remembered with hilmble gra- 
 titude ; a very precious covering came over us in the 
 meeting, and particularly at the grave side, where 
 dear William kneeled by his most valued earthly trea- 
 
44 EXTRA.CTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 sure, and reverently acknowledged the support of the 
 everlasting Arm ; he craved that the blessing of resig- 
 nation might still be granted. After tea several tes- 
 timonies were borne. 
 
 The goodness and tender mercies of Israel's Shepherd 
 was enforced, and that the Lord was a strong-hold in 
 the day of trouble. I felt very unworthy to partake 
 with my friends and many relations, of a few crumbs 
 of heavenly bread, at such a time of solemnity. O 
 my soul, bless thou the Lord, and forget not all his 
 benefits; for though he is pleased often to try thee 
 with deep poverty, he seeth the way that thou takest, 
 and as thou trusteth in him, he will prove himself a 
 present helper when vain is the help of man. 
 
 After this I went to Coggeshall, Kelvedon, and 
 Chelmsford, and returned to Ashford the 20th of 7th 
 month, where I found my son and daughter and their 
 child well. All thanks belong to the bountiful Giver 
 of every good. Oh ! that heavenly things may ever 
 be the primary object of my pursuit. 
 
 8th mo. 9th. When I first sat down in our even- 
 ing meeting, the inability and weakness of my poor 
 feeble tabernacle seemed to weigh me down, nor did I 
 strive enough to get to the place of true waiting, for 
 which I felt pain of heart. It is a mercy that the 
 rod is permitted, and we kept on the watch, especially 
 in meetings. We read that when '^ the sons of God 
 presented themselves before the Lord, Satan presented 
 himself also ;" and this is still no doubt known to be 
 the case, by those who are endeavouring to approach 
 the sacred footstool with acceptance ; for there is 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 4^ 
 
 nothing that the enemy of our souls strikes at more, 
 and endeavours to destroy, than the precious life. 
 How needful then to maintain the watch, and resist 
 him, stedfast in the faith, remembering the encouraging 
 promise, *^ Because thou hast kept the word of my 
 patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temp- 
 tation." Happy experience ! cleave close, O my soul ! 
 to thy Saviour, and wait daily upon him for strength 
 to step along safely, through the wilderness of this 
 world, to a house not made with hands, eternal in the 
 heavens. 
 
 18th, We had a very acceptable visit from S. G., 
 and — engaged in a visit to the county. The 
 public meeting here was small, on account of the very 
 short notice, but satisfactory. When thus reached by 
 the renewed visitation of our heavenly Father's love, 
 we feel fervent in desire to be strengthened to follow 
 the Captain of our salvation. But how weak are our 
 resolutions, unless divinely assisted by that faith which 
 Truth inspires ! 
 
 9th mo. 12th. Dover monthly meeting was small 
 but comfortable; it was owned by Him who is the 
 beloved of souls. Whom have we in heaven but 
 Thee? and there is none upon earth that we desire in 
 comparison of Thee ? 
 
 19th. I went to the Quarterly Meeting at Maidstone, 
 where we had the company of C. H., from America, 
 
 and ■" . , and , with certificates — pillars in the 
 
 house of our God, faithful watchmen on the walls of 
 our Sion. 
 
 10th mo. 13th. At Folkstone meeting I was favoured 
 
46 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 to feel a degree of that love that enlargeth the heai't, 
 earnestly desiring ability to give up without reserve 
 to Him who is pleased, at seasons, to give power to 
 the faint, and to those who have no might he in- 
 crease th strength. 
 
 11th mo. 3rd. Monthly Meeting at. Canterbury. 
 At this meeting I believed it my place to inform 
 Friends, that I had felt for many years a concern to 
 pay a religious visit to Friends in Bedfordshire and 
 Hertfordshire, and the families in the compass of 
 Hertford Monthly Meeting. What a prospect for 
 such a poor worm ! The meeting entered into feeling 
 with me, and expressed much sympathy. A certi- 
 ficate was directed to be prepared, which was produced 
 and signed at an adjournment of the meeting held at 
 Dover. 
 
 12th mo. 2nd. I left Ash ford, and was at Hert- 
 ford Monthly Meeting on the 7th. Oh ! that the 
 only safe Director may be with me, keep me little^ 
 low, and in his fear, and preserve me from going 
 before the light of his countenance, or so far loitering 
 behind as to lose a sense of it. 
 
 On fourth day afternoon, I sat with one family, and 
 went to Hodsdon meeting on fifth day, which was 
 small ; but I was sensible of a precious feeling of our 
 heavenly Father's love. Sixth day, returned to Hert- 
 ford. On First day some pantings for life, I believe, 
 were felt by many, Oh ! the want of deeply experienced 
 labourers such as Special West, Mary Pryor, and 
 Samuel Scott, amongst them . The fourth day meeting 
 was a comfortable time. We went that afternoon to 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 47 
 
 Ware, and attended meeting there on j&fth day, which 
 was small and heavy ; how few are willing to leave 
 behind the hindering things of time, and with firm 
 resolution to enlist under the banner of truth, and fight 
 the Lord's battles in his own strength and under his 
 own direction. May he be pleased to raise up amongst 
 us judges as at the first, and counsellors as at the be- 
 ginning ! Sixth day I was at Royston meeting in the 
 evening, it was small, yet He who ever regardeth the 
 poor and simple was near, blessed be his name ! The 
 First day following at Ashwell, where there are only 
 three women members of our Society. A Committee 
 from Hitchin are appointed to attend, three of whom 
 were present ; and I thought we were enabled to labour 
 in some degree, in the vineyard, and received the 
 penny. Second day Hitchin, select meeting in the 
 evening. Quarterly Meeting the next day, the 20th, I 
 hope T felt thankful in the enjoyment of a quiet silence 
 in both these meetings. I was also at their fifth day 
 meeting, and on sixth day was at Luton meeting. Here 
 I had an accident, so that I could not proceed, but 
 went to my daughter's at Tottenham. After resting 
 there about three weeks, I was so far recovered as to 
 be able to go to Albans, about the 18th of 1st mo. 
 1832, where there is no meeting, but a few Friends 
 who seemed pleased to sit down with me, and wait on 
 Him whose tender mercies are over all his works. 
 Next day to Hempstead, the next First day, we were at 
 Ampthill morning and afternoon meetings ; the Great 
 Caretaker owned us; I desire never to forget His 
 adorable condescension and tender love, which is re- 
 
48 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 newed every morning. We were very kindly enter- 
 tained at 's, an agreeable well ordered family, 
 
 and spent the evening in a degree of sweet solemnity. 
 Next day were at Crinfield meeting, and sat with the 
 few friends there. May they be preserved in a humble 
 teachable state, and then they will be fed with a few 
 crumbs, while the rich and the full are sent empty 
 away. 
 
 \yent that evening to Newport Pagnell, and re- 
 turned home with a peaceful mind. To those who are 
 strong, it would seem small, but of great magnitude 
 to me, and very comforting. My spirit exclaims, 
 ** What shall I render to the Lord for all his bene- 
 fits ? " He who made us, knoweth our frame, and re- 
 membereth that we are dust, and have nothing of our 
 own ; and though it was my lot to travail deep before 
 the spring arose, the great I am still manifested his 
 power, and in some degree magnified his own Name. 
 This Name is precious to a few, and those who truly 
 gather thereto find it a place of safety. 
 
 It is however sorrowful to feel lukewarm ness and 
 indifferency prevail amongst a people that have been 
 favoured as this people. When in my late engagement, 
 after sitting in families, I often felt my peace to flow 
 as a river, as I strove to keep inward and quiet. I 
 was instructed by a caution in a dear friend's letter, 
 wherein he said, " Keep thy mind to the exercise of 
 the day, and be not anxious for the morrow ;" and 
 that he thought there was much in that part of our 
 Lord's prayer, as to spirituals, as well as to temporals, 
 " Give us this dav our dailv bread." I trust this 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 49 
 
 advice was a help to me, and I have often wished 
 our dear exercised brethren would not withhold such 
 cautions, how often might they help poor travellers on 
 their way. 
 
 2nd mo., 1832. Gave up my certificate at a Monthly 
 Meeting at Dover, and enjoyed a peaceful mind. 
 
 2nd mo. 15th., 1832. At our little week-day meet- 
 ing, I thought we experienced the precious effects of a 
 joint, heartfelt labour, in seeking the quickening influ- 
 ence of the true Shepherd, to him the porter openeth, 
 and the sheep hear his voice ; he calleth his own sheep 
 by name, and he leadeth them out ; and when he 
 putteth forth, attention to his inspeaking voice would 
 lead us into a watchful state of mind, similar to that 
 of the Prophet, when he said, " I will stand upon my 
 watch, and set me on the tower, and will watch to see 
 what He shall say unto me, and what I shall answer 
 when I am reproved." 
 
 In the days of my youth, I have many times thought, 
 let the poor body suffer whatever it may please Provi- 
 dence to permit, I could bear it, to obtain an unshaken 
 hope of a resting place at last ; but now age and many 
 infirmities are come upon me, I find my resolutions 
 very weak, and that I greatly need best assistance. 
 
 4th mo. 28th. This day I heard of the decease of 
 E. Rickman, wife of our beloved and ancient Friend, 
 W. Rickman. She filled the office of elder many 
 years, the loss of such is affecting at so low a time, 
 when many, as well as the priests — the ministers of 
 the Lord — weep as between the porch and the altar, 
 and say, " Spare thy people, O Lord ! and give not 
 c 
 
50 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 thine heritage to reproach, that the heathen should rule 
 over them. Wherefore should they say among the 
 people, where is their God ? " 
 
 5th mo. 3rd. Reading the journals of our Friends, 
 and considering their close exercises, often tenders my 
 heart, and leads me to pray for my own . preservation 
 and faithfulness, with that of my dear children, who 
 justly claim the first place in my solicitude. My 
 desire is, O Lord ! that thou mayst keep them faith- 
 ful, and in thy fear. Thy wisdom and thy judgments 
 are unsearchable, and thy ways past finding out, and 
 happy are they who move at thy command, and stand 
 stedfast in thy counsel. 
 
 10th. Our Monthly Meeting was held at Ashford, 
 and proved a favoured opportunity. A few of its solid 
 members experienced a little life to circulate from 
 vessel to vessel, it was " never said to Jacob's wrest- 
 ling seed, seek ye my face in vain." 
 
 20th, First day. I was at Tottenham meeting, CO. 
 from America was there, and instructively opened to 
 us the parable of the virgins ; those that had been 
 entrusted with the five talents, and had been careful to 
 improve them, had nothing to spare. I believe many 
 were sensible of a precious covering. I was poorly, and 
 did not go to London till sixth day, when I went to 
 Devonshire House, a large gathering ; and I trust that 
 He who was known to His disciples by the breaking 
 of bread, was near. C. H. and C. O. were there, and 
 both appeared in solemn testimony ; but it is affecting 
 to observe the want of tenderness in us. How needful 
 to know the fallow ground of the heart frequently 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 51 
 
 broken up ! The following First day, at Newington 
 meeting, that faithful servant of the Most High, S. G. 
 laboured fervently. The hoary head is a crown of 
 glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness. 
 * 6th mo. 12th. I left my dear children, and reached 
 Margate to attend our Monthly Meeting, where I hope 
 I endeavoured to do the little faithfully, no time for 
 slothfulness in the vineyard. I went to Dover to the 
 select meeting on second day, and Quarterly Meeting 
 
 next day, at which our Friend attended, who was 
 
 remarkably led to speak of the unfaithfulness of those 
 who drew back, and desired to be excused, several 
 times repeating the words, " I pray thee have me ex- 
 cused." He advised that such should not continue to 
 resist the call, nor the light they were favoured with : 
 he believed they had not a day nor an hour to spare, 
 and that if such a disposition were persisted in, spiritual 
 death would be the end. How the language sunk into 
 my heart ! I longed that we might be humbly waiting 
 to have our strength renewed, obey the gracious call, 
 and unite with those who have come out of great 
 tribulation, and have washed their robes and made 
 them white in the blood of the Lamb, therefore, are 
 they before the throne of God, and serve Him day and 
 night in his temple, 
 
 7th mo. 1st. A digging time this afternoon at 
 meeting. Towards the close, I was repaid with a little 
 water of that river which maketh glad the whole 
 heritage of God. Surely he is good to Israel, to all 
 those who seek him with an upright heart. If we are 
 not carefully on the watch, but suffer our minds to be 
 c2 
 
52 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 agitated, our dependence becomes diverted by little 
 and little, from the true centre and place of safety, 
 where perfect peace is experienced, though the world 
 and all around us speak trouble. Such as have this 
 dependence, will know it to be a truth fulfilled in 
 their experience, that " They that trust in the Lord 
 shall be as mount Sion, which cannot be removed but 
 abideth for ever." 
 
 7th mo. 11th. Was our Monthly Meeting at 
 Dover. I felt it my duty to inform my Friends of 
 an impression of love I had long felt, to visit the 
 meetings of Friends in Nottinghamshire, and a few 
 meetings in going and returning ; and requested them 
 to leave the certificate open to visit families at Not- 
 tingham, if way should open. Friends expressed their 
 feeling, and made an appointment in order for my 
 liberation to pursue my prospect, and, through ado- 
 rable condescension, I felt greatly relieved. I had 
 had a view to this engagement for some years, till 
 it became a burden too heavy to bear. Oh ! how 
 humbling is the retrospect, I long for more perfect 
 reliance on Him who is still saying, '^ not by might, 
 or by power, but by my Spirit " is the work to be 
 accomplished ; that no flesh should glory in His 
 presence. The great Apostle says, He has chosen 
 the foolish things, to confound the wisdom of this 
 world, and things which are not, to bring to nought 
 thino-s which are. How has the accuser of the 
 brethren been permitted to come in as a flood, and 
 cause a close conflict ; but thy mercy, O God ! faileth 
 not : be pleased still to lift up a standard against 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 53 
 
 him, drive him from my dwelling, and spoil all his 
 goods. 
 
 8th mo. 16th. The prospect of leaving home and 
 being so far separated from my near and dear con- 
 nexions, at so perilous a time, (the cholera spreading 
 in London and its neighbourhood) is affecting, but 
 our blessed Redeemer said, " He that loveth father 
 or mother, more than me, is not worthy of me ; he 
 that loveth sons or daughters more than me, is not 
 worthy of me.'' " Lord, thou knowest that I love 
 thee ; " be pleased to increase my love, that so, loving 
 Thee with all my heart, I may love, with a more 
 perfect love, thy whole creation for thy sake. Thou 
 hast bowed my heart this day in a renewed feeling of 
 thy unmerited goodness. Be pleased to bless my 
 dear and tender children, by preserving them in thy 
 holy fear ; cause them to remember thy tender dealings, 
 thy mercy and thy blessings bestowed from day to 
 day, and from year to year, sanctify them all, and 
 give us thankful hearts . 
 
 8th mo. 21st. I left London, and arrived at Dun- 
 stable, the next day at Northampton, and attended 
 their meeting on fifth day. Mourning and sackcloth 
 was my lot. I had lost my beloved, my stay and my 
 staff. I endeavoured to seek him, but I found him 
 not. I hung my harp upon the willow, and wept 
 when I remembered Sion. I longed to feel the sweet- 
 ness of mind, I felt after I had requested the certificate. 
 On First day, in the afternoon, two tender Friends 
 called and sat with me, I began to rise a little by their 
 sympathy, and by an affectionate letter one of them 
 
54 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 put into my hand. I often wish our feeling elders 
 would not withhold little offerings of duty when com- 
 mitted to their charge, it sometimes proves a balm, 
 like oil and wine that heals the wound. I believe this 
 proving dispensation was of infinite service, by shew- 
 ing the necessity of carefully endeavouring to keep to 
 the root the precious seed, the only safe Director. He in 
 tender mercy remembered me, when I had no strength 
 to crave His help, in a strange land. He spared and 
 shewed mercy, and put it into the hearts of two pillars 
 in the church to accompany me in turns to most 
 families, and all that attend meetings. I thought to 
 leave a poor elderly Friend who resided several miles 
 out of town, as no way offered to go, but on looking at 
 it, I believed condemnation would be my painful feel- 
 ing, if I passed without seeing her : we went, and the 
 dear woman was pleased to see her friends in her hum- 
 ble cottage, and we were preciously refreshed' by the 
 tender influences of our heavenly Father's love. Oh ! 
 how is His gathering arm stretched out still. After 
 this, we spent two nights with our kind attendants, an 
 elder worthy of double honour, and his valuable 
 family. Then left them with a peaceful mind, reached 
 Loughborough, and spent the evening agreeably with 
 the only Friend's family in that place. Next day went 
 to Leicester meeting ; it was a poor low time. The 
 First day following, was at Olney meeting, which was 
 small, but owned by the enriching presence of Him 
 whose name is holy. 
 
 16th. Went to Leighton Buzzard, and spent a 
 short time with dear , whom I had known 
 
OF MARY HaGGER. 55 
 
 many years, and was comforted in her company, she 
 being a mother in Israel, an elder worthy of double 
 honour, fresh and green in old age, a beautiful situa- 
 tion. After calling on several other Friends to satis- 
 faction, I returned to Woburn, next day attended 
 Hoystyend meeting, an old house, where many of our 
 zealous ancestors had met, and at which place they 
 were buried. A solemn covering clothed us on our 
 first sitting down, and by abiding under it, we were 
 favoured with a good meeting, and enabled to acknow- 
 ledge the goodness of Him who dwelt in the bush 
 formerly, and it was not consumed. I reached Stoke 
 Newington in the afternoon. My mind was comforted 
 and was clothed with sweet peace. On the 17th of 
 10th mo., I returned my certificate to Folkstone 
 Monthly Meeting, having cause to hope the small 
 dedication of my feeble old age will prove an accept- 
 able evening sacrifice. I feel true satisfaction in reflect- 
 ing on those I have visited, I trust in gospel love. 
 May the Father of the faithful, in his unmerited good- 
 ness, be pleased to lead about and instruct them by 
 the drawing cords of His love, in the high and holy 
 way cast up for his ransomed and redeemed children 
 to walk in. 
 
 11th mo. 28th. At our little meeting I had to 
 lament my own unwatchfulness, suifering my mind to 
 wander from its true centre, and greatly feared hearing 
 the alarming voice, ^* Other vineyards hast thou kept, 
 but thine own hast thou not kept." I was sensible of 
 my error, and oh ! I beg, I pray Thee who alone art 
 the healer of breaches and restorer of paths to walk 
 in, to correct my many backslidings. 
 
56 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 Let not thy hand spare nor thine eye pity, until 
 Thou hast cleansed me from my many propensities to 
 evil, humbled my soul by thy righteous judgments, 
 and made me what thou wouldst have me to be. 
 
 11th mo. 29th. Poor and languid both in mind 
 and body. In the evening, I was comforted in read- 
 ing a few lines in the Annual Monitor. " He hath 
 covered my sins with His mantle." I longed that I 
 might know this greatly favoured state to be mine, 
 and also know, in passing through the wilderness of 
 this world and vale of tears, that there is a rest 
 for the people of God. A blessed privilege ! How 
 lamentable that any should slight it. 
 
 12th mo. 19th. I was informed of the decease of 
 
 — , of , a healthy-looking young man, taken 
 
 from time, after an illness of about two weeks. He 
 appeared to be mercifully preserved, calm, and com- 
 posed, though much humbled by a sense of his awful 
 condition, and said he felt willing to be placed amongst 
 the meanest of the Lord's people, if he might but 
 live in His presence for ever. This makes the fifth 
 funeral from his family within about one year and ten 
 months. How alarmingly solemn is the reflection, 
 that every age is liable to the awful stroke, nothing so 
 uncertain as life, or certain as death. Oh ! that we 
 may be wise, that we may consider our latter end ! 
 
 31st. What progress have I made in the heavenly 
 race? Have I not renewed cause to acknowledge 
 that to me belongs blushing and confusion of face ? 
 Yet, through abundant condescension, I ha-^'been 
 strenorthened to make some sacrifices that have felt as 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 57 
 
 near as that of parting with a right hand or a right 
 eye, and in giving up to these I feel thankful, that 
 through the help of Him who hath his way in the 
 whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the 
 dust of his feet, I can set up my Ebenezer and say, 
 ^' Hitherto hath the Lord helped me." Blessed be his 
 holy name ! 
 
 1st mo. 8th, 1833. A precious meeting this morn- 
 ing. My soul was measurably prostrated before the 
 great I am, under a deep sense of my own un worthi- 
 ness ; and in boundless love, he was pleased to lift up 
 the light of his glorious countenance upon me, a poor 
 worm, and I trust that the two or three also, that were 
 labouring together in His name, were favoured with 
 the same experience. I said in my heart, oh ! that ail 
 the few members in this place would come to a firm 
 resolution, to leave behind the hindering things of 
 time, and dedicate two hours to a week-day meeting ; 
 surely they would be strengthened, and enabled from 
 experience to acknowledge, that one hour in the 
 Lord's presence is better than a thousand elsewhere. 
 
 13th. A sweetly refreshing time at meeting this 
 morning. The parable of the sower represented by 
 our dear Saviour, affected my mind. The seed was 
 sown in four sorts of ground, and but one of these 
 brought forth fruit to perfection. I longed that we 
 might know the operation of the separating hand, to 
 break down and destroy all that offends and obstructs 
 the work going forward. Some of us, at times, rejoice 
 in the evidence that we are not following cunningly 
 devised fables, but the pure, living, eternal substance. 
 c3 
 
58 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 1st mo. 20th. Although I sat down in meeting 
 this morning in a degree of freshness, and strove to 
 wait in the quiet, I seemed to wait in vain. Entering 
 too freely into needless conversation ^ ith a person who 
 came in last evening, was brought to my mind as a 
 charge against me. Oh ! my soul, when wilt thou 
 learn to watch the door of thy lips, that thou sin not 
 with thy tongue, and keep thy mouth as with a bridle ! 
 He who is infinite in holiness, will not accept an 
 unsanctified offering. It is the righteous that shall 
 hold on their way, and those of clean hands grow 
 stronger and stronger. 
 
 2nd mo. 8th. Whilst sitting alone this day, my 
 mind was led to press after heavenly treasure, which 
 alone can truly enrich, and is not subject to decay. 
 Oh ! the excellency of divine love. It transcends even 
 the most refined delights of this world ; ancient, yet 
 ever new. May I dwell under its holy, sweetening, 
 preserving influence ! 
 
 19th. Oh ! how have I desired this day to be pre- 
 served little, low and humble, and to be strengthened 
 to go in and out before this little company, so as to 
 give no cause of offence or stumbling. " Search me, 
 O God ! and know my heai't, prove me and know my 
 thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, 
 and lead me in the way everlasting. Thou compassest 
 my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with 
 all my ways : for there is not a word in my tongue, 
 but thou. Lord, knowest it altogether." 
 
 2nd mo. 24th. The fore part of the meeting this 
 morning was exercising j but striving quietly to wait. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 59 
 
 we were enabled to draw nigh, the cloud dispersed 
 and a little true light gladdened our hearts : all praise 
 to Him who feedeth the hungry, and thirsty souls 
 with food convenient for them. 
 
 25th. On awaking this morning, I was favoured 
 to feel no condemnation, but a sense of gratitude for 
 unmerited mercies. Those who know anything of the 
 operation of true religion on the mind, know that the 
 inward life, which is hid with Christ in God, can only 
 be supported and kept alive by that daily hi'ead which 
 cometh down from heaven ; it is this alone that can 
 nourish the soul on to eternal life. I long to expe- 
 rience this happy state, but it is often my lot to 
 water my pillow with my tears, while I feel similar 
 to the poor publican, who smote upon his breast and 
 said, " God be merciful to me a sinner." 
 
 3rd mo. 17th. A veiy trying meeting this morn- 
 ing, great weakness both of mind and body. Oh that 
 the hand of the dear Redeemer might not spare, nor 
 his eye pity, until the whip of small cords hath done 
 its office, and driven all the buyers and sellers out of 
 the temple of my heart, and made it a fit habitation for 
 Him who is holy, to dwell in. 
 
 20th. As I returned from the Quarterly Meeting 
 at Rochester, I was contemplating, with renewed grati- 
 tude to a bountiful Creator, how tenderly his Spirit 
 had visited my soul in early life. His appearance at 
 first was small, as a grain of mustard seed ; he in- 
 clined my heart to prize it, and, as I grew older, I 
 valued his tender impressions as my chief joy. I have 
 not words to express the thankfulness I have often felt 
 
W EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 that I was made so far sensible of the sweet influences 
 of Divine love— that in middle life, when permitted 
 from various causes to pass through many tribulations 
 and besetments, I often walked by myself and strewed 
 my tears, looking round to see if any one was near to 
 hear my sighs. Oh ! what cause have I to reflect on 
 his boundless goodness to the most unworthy that 
 ever desired to serve him. He has indeed proved 
 himself to be in his holy habitation, a Husband to the 
 widow, and a Father to the fatherless. He has also 
 increased my store inwardly and outwardly, and in 
 my infirm old age, given me to see the greatest 
 privilege I was ever favoured with, that of his in- 
 clining my heart to love him and his appearance, 
 before the days came when I might say, I had no 
 pleasure in them ; giving me to know that I had a 
 stronghold, a never-failing support, whereto I could 
 flee in times of trouble. Oh ! that I could continually 
 rest here till death is swallowed up of victory. 
 
 3rd mo. 24th. A humbling season to those to 
 whom the Holy Name is precious. Those who 
 gather to this Name find a place of safety. 
 
 5th mo. 1st. On our sitting down in meeting, a 
 sweet solemnity covered my mind. In the afternoon, 
 I called to see a neighbour who was ill, and in con- 
 versation I said more than became me ; and when I 
 lay on the pillow at night, reflecting how the day 
 had been spent, confusion and distress became my 
 just portion. I had not watched the door of my 
 lips, but had sinned with my tongue. This scripture 
 seemed fulfilled in my experience, ^' Man's heart is 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 61 
 
 deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked , 
 who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I 
 try the reins." There is mercy with the Lord that 
 He may be feared. I went to my neighbour, and 
 acknowledged my fault. It seemed to her a light 
 matter, but I had peace in yielding, though it was 
 humbling to me. I feel utterly unworthy of the least 
 notice of my Father who is in heaven, and crave for 
 strength to bow at His sacred footstool, that he 
 w^ould renewedly manifest his power, and sit as a 
 refiner and purifier of silver, that so an offering might 
 be made to Him in righteousness. 
 
 27th. I was at Tottenham, in which place, in 
 years that are over and gone, I had to wade through 
 many discouragements. Such reflections too much 
 prevailed this morning; in the afternoon, through 
 unutterable condescension, divine help overcame de- 
 pression, and I left the meeting with a peaceful mind. 
 
 29th. I went to see a relation in declining health, 
 who appeared to be sinking fast as to the body, but 
 I trust she was under the pruning hand of Him who 
 doeth all things well, and that He is preparing her 
 by the workings of His own good Spirit for a place 
 in His kingdom, where no unclean thing can ever 
 enter. 
 
 6th mo. 1st. I attended a sitting of the Select 
 Meeting, and I hope I ivas favoured to feel, in some 
 degree, the very great privilege of collecting with 
 my Friends, and endeavouring to gather a few crumbs 
 that fell from the table. 
 
 4th. I went to Hertford to visit my nephew, and 
 
62 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 was at their meeting to satisfaction. The remem- 
 brance of the many pleasant hours I spent on these 
 premises, with my husband and little family, when I 
 felt the gathering arm of everlasting love tendering my 
 heart, and enabling me to make solemn covenant with 
 the God of my youth, the renewed feeling of this His 
 goodness humbled my mind this day, even to tears ; 
 and fervent breathings of soul were raised within me, 
 that the outstretched arm of tender compassion might 
 be still extended, to draw the wanderers to a true 
 sense of their responsible situation, deeply to ponder 
 their ways, and remember that "it is not in man that 
 walketh to direct his steps," but " a good man's ways 
 are ordered of the Lord.'' 
 
 6th mo. 14th. I returned to Ashford, and felt 
 thankful to sit down in our comfortable little meeting 
 on the 16th. 
 
 17th. I went to Dover, and attended the Select 
 Meeting. I felt poor and stripped ; but after sitting 
 some time. Divine Love was pleased to humble my 
 heart, whereby I was made willing to take my 
 part of the exercise of the day, as conveyed by the 
 answers to the queries ; the consideration of which 
 raised a desire that my own heart might be stirred 
 up, so to labour, so to be rooted and grounded in 
 the love of Truth, and the knowledge of the Gospel 
 of Christ, that no temptation on the one hand or on 
 the other, might shake me in these dreadful shaking 
 and trying times, when the Lord may search Jeru- 
 salem as with candles, which search is for the 
 punishment of those who are settled on their lees. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 63 
 
 18th. I attended the Quarterly Meeting, towards 
 the close of which, the stone seemed rolled from the 
 welFs mouth, whereby the spring was permitted to 
 arise and refresh the seed. It was said by the Angel 
 to Mary, ^' The Lord God shall give unto Him the 
 throne of his father David, and he shall reign over 
 the house of Jacob for ever, and of his kingdom there 
 shall be no' end." 
 
 7th mo. 10th. That beautiful Psalm, the 23rd., 
 was sweetly brought to my mind on first waking, 
 *^ The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want, he 
 maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth 
 me beside the still waters, he restoreth my soul, he 
 leadeth me in paths of righteousness for his name's 
 sake ; yea, though I walk through the valley of the 
 shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art 
 with me ; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 
 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of 
 mine enemies ; thou anointest my head with oil, my 
 cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall 
 follow me ,all the days of my life, and I will dwell in 
 the house of the Lord for ever." This proved to me 
 a memorable and humbling day. I was in ill health, 
 and had thought of giving up going to sit with the 
 few at our little meeting. How many are bowed 
 down in this day of trial, under fear of falling as by 
 the hand of Saul their enemy, yet at times do we 
 not feel strength to acknowledge, " Hitherto has the 
 Lord helped us :" his reward is precious indeed for 
 every little act of obedience. 
 
 7th mo. 15th. My heart was affected on my 
 
64 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 pillow with these words, ''Eye hath not seen, nor 
 ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of 
 man to conceive the good things that God hath in 
 store for them that love Him." What can poor 
 finite man do ? his natural comprehension cannot 
 enter into the mysteries of the things that belong to 
 Christ's kingdom, for they are spiritually discerned. 
 Oh ! that every traveller S ion-ward, with my own 
 soul, may daily witness the everlasting covenant of 
 life and peace, even the sure mercies of David. 
 
 16th. Low and tried with bodily weakness, in the 
 afternoon more lively. How instructive are such 
 changes, Do they not evince that the manna gathered 
 yesterday will not sustain to-day ? it must be laboured 
 for every day : I desire to remember this. 
 
 8th mo. 3rd. On sitting down to my comfortable, 
 yet frugal meal, my heart was tenderly affected with 
 the manner in which that bountiful hand that provides 
 for the sparrows has provided for me all my life long. 
 O my soul, mayst thou live in His fear and love his 
 law ! 
 
 [Extract of a letter.] 
 Ashford, 27th ofSth mo., 1833. 
 My Dear Friend, 
 I think I should be very ungrateful if I did not 
 feel obliged for thy kind sympathy, I believe true 
 faith that worketh by love gradually cleanseth the 
 heart, and causeth a near affection to flow towards 
 those who are often bowed with earnest desire to be 
 brought into a humbling sense of their own inability 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 
 
 65 
 
 even to think a good thought. Who so poor as the 
 Lord's servants, and stript as his messengers — for 
 this reason, because in a religious sense they have 
 nothing of their own, and what is given as appre- 
 hended duty is so small and simple, and they feel so 
 foolish in the exercise, they are ready to start aside 
 like broken bows? Thou knowst, dear friend, that 
 for all these small acts of dedication the reward is 
 sure with Him that cannot err, but is often choosing 
 the weak and simple things of this world to confound 
 the wise, and things that are not to bring to nought 
 things that are, that our dependence may be entirely 
 fixed on our heavenly Father, and centred in his 
 love. This feels a very favoured state, and in it no 
 flesh can gloiy in his presence. I do not know how 
 I came to write on such an important subject, but 
 have been musing by myself, and it is just what 
 came before me. Remember the blessing that is 
 attached to the poor in spirit, and watch against 
 getting too low. This is a day in which we are 
 loudly called upon to watch and pray, that the eye 
 may be opened in us that can discover the assaults 
 of a cruel enemy ; he will, if possible, bring those 
 he cannot raise up into a heavy, depressed, dejected 
 situation of mind, which is very trying to bear, 
 and will not forward our religious growth. In the 
 prophet's days, " Jerusalem was to be searched with 
 candles, which searching was for the punishment of 
 those that were settled on their lees." Is not the 
 present an awakening day? I have desired it might 
 prove so to my poor mind, that has been too much 
 
Ob EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 inclined to ease and indifference. But now surely 
 there is cause to feel and mourn for our desolation. 
 This Quarterly Meeting has its trials, and feels its 
 weakness, that we had need to put on strength, and 
 wait on Him who is alone able to renew it, and 
 by cur example and precept exalt his ever adorable 
 Name. He can speak peace when trouble surrounds 
 us on the right hand and on the left — the promise 
 is to the mourners that they shall be comforted. 
 
 Thy affectionate friend, 
 
 M. H. 
 
 10th mo. 16th. Our valued friend, W. Rickman 
 attended our Particular Meeting, and revived the 
 inquiry, " Is there no balm in Gilead, is there no 
 Physician there ? Why then is not the health of the 
 daughter of my people recovered?" and very in- 
 structively mentioned the visitations of his youth, 
 which from an experienced Friend, who had attained 
 the eighty-eighth year of his age, seemed like a cup 
 of cold water to one who was ready to faint. 
 
 10th mo, 27th. How busy was the tempter this 
 morning, besetting my mind with many wandering 
 thoughts, to draw from the true Source of adoration 
 and worship, surely if the Lord were the chiefest of 
 ten thousand and altogether lovely, my distress would 
 not be so great ; but a death-like insensibility too 
 much prevails over me. Oh ! that in my old age, I 
 might know more than ever the cleansing operation 
 of the Spirit, to purify, not only from the drossa nd 
 the tin, but also from the reprobate silver ; and that 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 67 
 
 thus I might know his rod and his staff to comfort 
 me. 
 
 30th. I long to be more deeply humbled under a 
 sense of my own unworthiness . The valley is sweet 
 to dwell in, but my poor mind is often comparable to 
 the mountains of Gilboa, where there is neither rain, 
 nor dew, nor fields of offering. 
 
 11th mo. 10th. We had the excellent advices of 
 the Yearly Meeting read, I was ready to say in my 
 heart, what can be done that is not done? Our little 
 Society has been from the beginning as a garden en- 
 closed by our wholesome discipline ; but how have 
 we slept whilst the enemy has made great encroach- 
 ments, and broken down our wall in many instances, 
 and caused the living to go heavily on their way. 
 The Spirit of a suffering Lord in the hearts of his 
 people leads to an inward exercise for the salvation of 
 mankind. Thus when we behold a visited people, 
 entangled by the things of this world, and thereby 
 rendered incapable of being faithful examples to others, 
 sorrow and heaviness, is often experienced ; and so, 
 in measure, is filled up that which remains of the 
 sufferings of Christ. Can our hearts endure or our 
 hands be strong, if we desert a cause so precious, if 
 we turn away from a work in which so many have 
 patiently laboured. 
 
 20th. Our week-day meeting was better attended 
 than usual. My bodily infirmities had a powerful 
 effect on my mind, and I had to lament the insensible 
 state I sat in, having little strength to labour. I 
 remembered in the afternoon the dear Redeemer's deep 
 
68 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 suffering, when he prayed thus, Oh ! my Father, if it 
 be possible, let this cup pass from me ; " but in this he 
 centred, " Not my will, but Thine be done." When 
 he returned from prayer, he fouud his disciples sleep- 
 ing, and said, '^ What, could ye not watch with me one 
 hour ? " The consideration affected and humbled my 
 mind. I do not expect it vrl\ be long before the 
 narrow confines of the silent grave will enclose me. 
 Oh ! happy moment, if I may, in unutterable mercy, 
 when freed from the many struggles and conflicts of 
 time, soar above, where nothing can annoy. Re- 
 member then. Oh ! my soul, the necessity of living in 
 the fear and dread of thy Creator, and that thou must 
 be washed, cleansed, and sanctified. 
 
 12th mo. 3rd. I believed duty required me to pay 
 a visit to a young man sinking to the grave in a decline. 
 However simple these requirings appear to those not 
 of our Society, I went much in the cross, but had the 
 evidence of peace in the engagement, and I believe 
 the presence of Zion's King was felt. 
 
 18th. Heard of the death of Mary Alexander of 
 Kelvedon. She had been many years a devoted 
 labourer in the Lord's vineyard. He hath made the 
 depths of the sea, a way for his ransomed to pass over. 
 Her Master whom she served was with her, whereby 
 she was enabled to draw water from the well of 
 salvation, and to partake of those refreshing streams 
 of divine consolation that make glad the whole city of 
 God, and no doubt has triumphantly entered into his 
 courts with praise. 
 
 22nd. Indisposition this day prevented my meeting 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. Oy 
 
 in social worship with my friends. I hope I was not 
 altogether unmindful of my duty, and the various 
 testimonies we are called upon to bear. My mind was 
 tenderly affected by remembering, that our holy and 
 merciful High Priest is touched with a feeling of our 
 infirmities. May He incline my heart more firmly to 
 lean upon, and to trust in him. 
 
 1st mo. 1st, 1834. Every year and eyery day 
 brings me nearer the awful time, when a separation 
 must be made from every near and dear connexion, 
 and the silent grave will enclose this earthly tabernacle. 
 Oh ! for an increase in humility, faithfulness, and 
 obedience to the revealed will. This is what I pray 
 for, for myself and for my dear children, that we may 
 be strengthened in an unshaken belief in the efficacy 
 of the blood of the beloved Son of God, our Lord and 
 Saviour Jesus Christ, who came down from heaven, 
 and took not on him the nature of Angels, but the 
 seed of A^jaham, was born of the Virgin Mary, 
 suffered under Pontius Pilate, the cruel and shameful 
 death of the cross, t^he a propitiation for the sins of 
 the whole world ; rose again the third day from the 
 dead, and ascended into heaven, and is the advocate 
 and mediator between God and man, the King, High 
 Priest, and Prophet of his Church, the only author of 
 salvation unto all them that obey him, true God and 
 perfect man. 
 
 1st mo. 9th. I attended Monthly Meeting at 
 Folkstone, towards the close, a few words im- 
 pressed my mind ; but I was desirous, Gideon like, 
 to try the fleece both wet and dry, and begged to be 
 preserved from [yielding to] a false opening, lest I 
 
70 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 might bring reproach on the best cause, and distress 
 on my own mind. The second sitting was more 
 relieving. The next dar, I called on a few friends, 
 and came home with a thankful heart. I long to 
 become as passive clay in my heavenly Father's hand, 
 moulded and operated upon as he pleaseth ; he only 
 knoweth what is convenient for me. Keep me, O 
 Lord, near to thyself, be with me in that awful 
 moment that is approaching, that Death may never 
 be a King of terrors, but a welcome messenger, that 
 thus he may be swallowed up of victory. Thou art, 
 
 my God, in truth worthy, worthy of adoi'ation and 
 worship ! 
 
 1st mo. 12th. VTe were favoured at meeting this 
 morning with a humbling, quiet waiting, and felt the 
 shadow of the Divine wing sweetly hovering over us. 
 
 1 felt my own weakness, and that I had nothing to 
 return but a fervent breathing in secret to Him who 
 alone can prepare my heart for any impression He 
 may be pleased to stamp upon it ; and may it be that 
 of humility and his fear, during my stay in mutability, 
 and afterwards may I be permitted to join the tri- 
 umphant church in praising the Lord God and the 
 Lamb for ever and ever I 
 
 loth. Ill health prevented my joining my Friends 
 in social worship. The work of the enemy is to 
 prevent our frequent resorting to prayer as being 
 presumptuous in us ; but have we not the greatest 
 encouragement to approach the footstool of divine 
 mercy? yet let us ever remember that if we regard 
 iniquity ip. our hearts the Lord will not hear us. 
 
 20th. On sitting down in meeting this moniing, 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 71 
 
 Martha's salutation to her sister Mary came com- 
 fortably to my mind, '^ The Master is come, and 
 calleth for thee." It raised an earnest desire that we 
 might be more attentive to this awakening call of the 
 dear Redeemer, to his in speaking voice, which, if 
 submitted to and followed, would make " the wilder- 
 ness like Eden, and the desert like the garden of the 
 Lord ; joy and gladness would be found therein, 
 thanksgiving and the voice of melody." 
 
 26th. By the calm feelings of my mind on return- 
 ing from Canterbury, I had reason to conclude I had 
 not done wrong by leaving my own little meeting to 
 sit with Friends in that place, we were drawn by the 
 cords of love into sweet silent waiting, in which we 
 were favoured to feel our covenant renewed. " Where- 
 unto we have already attained, let us walk by the same 
 rule, let us mind the same thing." 
 
 2nd mo. 2nd. This morning was a preciously 
 favoured meeting. Blessed be the only Head of His 
 own church, whether gathered in a large number, or 
 only the two or three. We had cause to acknowledge 
 that His tender regard doth not fail to the workman- 
 ship of His holy hand. 
 
 9th. I have had to pass through some proving 
 seasons, from want of more entire resignation to ap- 
 prehended duty ; nevertheless, I hope I have been 
 favoured to know something of the love of God, and 
 in it to be bound in love with the members of the 
 true church, and to know with them something of the 
 unity of the one Spirit, which makes them as epistles 
 written in one another's hearts, which neither time 
 nor distance can ever erase. 
 
72 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 23rd. When first I sat down in meeting; this 
 morning, the devourer, whom my soul hates, came 
 upon me like a flood ; I felt no strength for war, but 
 endeavouring to divest myself of every thought, and 
 breathing to my ever blessed Helper for patience to 
 suffer, after a time of close labour, the intercession 
 with the Father was pleased to arise for my help, and 
 we were comforted together. O my soul, mayst 
 thou dwell low with his seed that is in bondage, that 
 thou mayst be favoured to arise with him who has 
 done much for thee. 
 
 12th. Attended the Select Meeting at Canterbury, 
 it was a uniting time, several instructive remarks 
 were made by the Quarterly Meeting's Committee. 
 I desired to treasure up my part ; I believe it is with 
 us now, as dear J. Churchman observes, there ar^ 
 some nursing mothers, many forward instructors, but 
 too few fathers in the church. Such are wanting 
 amongst us as are willing to take our beloved young 
 people by the hand, leading them in the way of the 
 blessed cross, endeavouring to protect through dangers 
 and difficulties, that they may be favoured in their 
 tender age to see and feel the beauty, the comfort, 
 and the safety of the leadings of Christ the good 
 Shepherd, who said, '■'' I know my sheep and am 
 known of mine." 
 
 23rd. I believe our meeting was comfortably 
 owned by the good Preserver this morning ; I ear- 
 nestly desired to gather up the fragments that remained 
 of our late favoured visit; and that our little company 
 with whom I so often meet, might labour still more 
 after lowliness of heart, serving the Lord in our gene- 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 73 
 
 ration, and one another in his pure fear ; that so we 
 may know him to be our rest, and his peace our 
 quiet habitation : then will he feed his faithful 
 labourers with heavenly bread, and honour them with 
 his life-giving presence. 
 
 3rd mo. 30th. Our morning meeting was to me 
 very depressing, and almost lifeless. When He the 
 Lord of life is pleased to withdraw himself from us 
 for a season, how weak we are, and subject to be 
 assailed by our unwearied enemy. But at such 
 seasons, let us endeavour to wait in the quiet, for help 
 to buckle on the armour, and maintain the watch ; 
 and oh ! that our covering may be the helmet of salva- 
 tion, the breast-plate of righteousness, and the girdle 
 of truth ; and our weapons the shield of faith and the 
 sword of the Spirit, against which the enemy will 
 never be suffered to prevail. In the afternoon, we 
 had cause to thank God, and take courage, 
 
 4th mo. 6th. I believe some of our minds were 
 favoured this morning to partake in degree of heavenly 
 dew, that tendered and refreshed our hearts. In the 
 afternoon, a little of the same precious life. In 
 passing through the streets on First days, have often 
 observed my neighbours spending their time in a care- 
 less manner, and have felt a secret salutation of love 
 to them, as a seed ungathered. When it shall please 
 the Lord to open their eyes to behold Sion a quiet 
 habitation, I earnestly wish no stumbling-block in us 
 who are making so high a profession, may be suffered 
 to offend beholders, or dim Sion's heavenly beauty. 
 
 20th. Some hunger and thirst experienced after 
 the bread of life. May our heavenly Father, whose 
 
74 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 tender care for his cliildren, far exceeds that of a 
 natural parent, be pleased to administer bread to the 
 hungry, and water to the thirsty souls, that they faint 
 not by the way. 
 
 5th mo. 11th. I enjoyed this evening the privilege 
 of meeting with my Friends in social worship, after 
 having been confined three weeks by illness. I have 
 endeavoured to consider my past life, and to remember 
 the sins of my youth ; and my iniquities have been 
 brought feelingly to my remembrance. The language 
 of my heart has been, *^ Pardon my transgressions, 
 and remember not my sins, for thy mercy's sake, O 
 Lord ! and for my dear Redeemer's sake. I beg that 
 every wrong thing in me may be brought to judgment. 
 Let every high thought and imagination be brought 
 down, and laid in the dust, and thy great and excellent 
 name be more and more exalted. 
 
 16th. In looking over my chequered life from my 
 early years, I have to admire with feelings of reverent 
 gratitude the many preservations, gracious dealings, 
 long-suffering, and tender mercies of a bountiful 
 Creator to myself, who am the most unworthy that 
 ever desired to serve him. The greatest of all his 
 blessings (as I have ever esteemed it, and now in 
 humble thankfulness I acknowledge it to be so) is, 
 that he not only visited, but inclined my heart to 
 cherish his appearances, and made me sensible of the 
 sweet impressions of his tendering love in seasons of 
 retirement, like a canopy to cover my mind. Oh ! 
 my dear children, I entreat you keep close to his 
 precious light that has often tenderly visited your 
 minds ; it will assuredly be a light to your feet and a 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. , 75 
 
 lantern to your path, as it was to David's formerly. 
 Seek him by night and by day ; give not up wrestling 
 till you have obtained the blessing of a quiet and 
 peaceful mind. I have often had cause to believe his 
 holy ear was open to my cry, and in his fatherly com- 
 passion he has not only calmed my distressed mind, 
 but often raised up friends to my humbling admira- 
 tion and comfort ; that I can say by some degree of 
 experience, the Lord is a strong-hold in the day of 
 trouble. Had I not known, unworthy as indeed I 
 am^ this place of safety and rock of defence, I had 
 long ere now been swallowed up by the waves of temp- 
 tation. The devburer was permitted to rage with vio- 
 lence against me ; I know him to be a cruel enemy, my 
 soul hates him, and often craves earnestly for strength 
 to set a double watch on the weak side, that in my 
 feeble old age I may escape his envious baits. Oh ! 
 for my endeared sons and daughters, and tender grand- 
 children ! may that Great Power, who remains to be 
 a God hearing and answering prayer to all those who 
 keep their covenant with him — may He preserve you 
 as in the hollow of his hand — may He condescend in 
 the riches of his boundless goodness, to protect and pre- 
 serve you near to himself, while passing through this 
 thorny wilderness. Wait upon him, dear children, feel 
 after his strengthening influence, so will h6 be to you, 
 as to your tried mother, in many conflicts, a rock sure 
 and stedfast, a never- failing help, if your hearts are 
 stayed on him. I have abundant cause, in the fresh 
 feeling of his tender mercies, to prostrate my soul 
 before him, and according to my small ability praise 
 his ever worthy and great name, and to crave that 
 1)2 
 
76 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 living cries might ascend to him to bring my tender 
 connexions on their way, rejoicing in the footsteps of 
 the flock of the faithful companions of Jesus. 
 
 5th mo. 29th. I went to see a relation in ill 
 health, much reduced. It is according to the gra- 
 cious purposes of our faithful Creator to bring down 
 to the brink of the grave, and in mercy to plead with 
 us, causing us to pass through many baptisms and 
 searchings of heart, setting our sins in order before 
 us. I much desire this may be his case, and my own ; 
 and that the Divine hand may not spare, nor His eye 
 pity, until we are weaned more, far more, from a 
 delight in the things of this world, and inclined to 
 seek more earnestly the kingdom of heaven, with 
 a firm belief that all things needful will be added. 
 
 I hope I feel thankful in having been permitted to 
 attend the greater part of the sittings of this Yearly 
 Meeting, through the tender regard of an ever watch- 
 ful Providence, in restoring my health which had 
 been impaired before I left home. Oh ! how every 
 attack shakes my aged frame, and every day, whether 
 improved or not, brings me nearer and nearer the 
 place appointed for all living — the awful separation 
 must take place, the soul must appear at the bar of 
 Divine justice. I pray that a humbling sense of this 
 solemn truth may continually rest on my mind, and 
 contrite my spirit before Him who gave me a being, 
 and hath been with me all my life. When I am sen- 
 sible of his heart-tendering love, I rejoice in His 
 presence, and am willing to leave all, that I might 
 possess the lowest place in His glorious kingdom. 
 But in times of withdrawing, I greatly fear, and long 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. ' 77 
 
 to feel a more firm reliance on Him who is just and 
 holy ; righteousness was the girdle of His loins, and 
 faithfulness the girdle of His reins— no guile was 
 found in Him, He is himself the truth — His soul was 
 filled with tenderness and flowed with love— He wept 
 over Jerusalem, and over the grave of Lazarus — -His 
 miracles were works of mercy, of compassion, and of 
 power — He was lowly in heart — He came not to be 
 ministered unto but to minister. 
 
 8th mo. 3rd. Close labour at meeting : may the 
 root be kept alive whether any greenness appear or 
 not on the branches. The evening meeting, a tender- 
 ing and contriting season; how consoling is the 
 evidence, that we are through all and every conflict 
 the subjects of protecting care ; and for all who sin- 
 cerely love Him He will care, though He sometimes 
 suffers them, for hidden purposes, to go bowed down 
 with their hands on their loins. 
 
 9th. I am this day informed of the death of my 
 dear friend, M. G., of Tottenham ; a character much 
 hid to the world, but in her, observers may behold the 
 example of a true Christian. 
 
 22nd. I woke this morning in a quiet serene 
 frame of mind, sensible in some degree of the sweet 
 presence of Him who dwelt in the burning bush 
 formerly, and it'' was not consumed : a favour indeed 
 to one so totally unworthy I 
 
 30th. Reading J. B.'s Select Anecdotes, my heart 
 was humbled into prayer for myself, my dear chil- 
 dren, and my affectionate nieces, who are now my 
 companions, that we might individually unite in 
 exercise, to feel after and cherish the workings of th 
 
78 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 Spirit in each of our breasts ; it would bring down 
 every high thought and exalted imagination, soften 
 and contrite our spirits, and often melt us into tears. 
 Hov/ desirable is the state of those who, by close 
 attention to the still small voice, are permitted sweetly 
 to commune with their Creator : they can acknow- 
 ledge " when I am weak then am I strong," 
 
 31st. First day morning, a trying meeting to me, 
 though more largely attended than usual. It is not 
 the number, but living, faithful labourers, striving 
 reverently to wait at the footstool of Jesus, that they 
 may know those times of refreshment that come from 
 His presence, being in some degree acquainted with 
 the efficacy of that secret influence which is not of us, 
 though in us. In the afternoon, he who sleepeth not 
 by day nor slumbereth by night, according to His 
 loving-kindness remembered us, and comforted those 
 that mourned. 
 
 9th mo, 10th. [At meeting.] A dear Friend in a 
 solemn manner said, " the Lord is in his holy temple, 
 let all the earth keep silence before him." Though 1 
 am deprived in great measure from hearing, I thought 
 I enjoyed a full recompence by the solemnizing effect ; 
 and I desired to be brought into true submission to 
 tlie Divine will, that so I might be able to abide the 
 day of His coming, and stand when He appeareth, 
 who is as a refiner's fire ; for so it must be with those 
 that love and fear Him, that they may offer unto the 
 Lord an offering in righteousness. How great is the 
 harvest, and how few are the faithful labourers ! Yet 
 blessed be his name, he has not left himself without a 
 witness, neither is his glory departed. There are those 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 79 
 
 who can at times say, " how goodly are thy tents, 
 O Jacob, and thy tabernacles, O Israel; the Lord 
 our God is with us, and the shout of a king is 
 amongst us." 
 
 25th. My niece went with me to Maidstone, and to 
 London next day : the idea of spending a while with my 
 precious children and sweet grand-children, I view with 
 pleasure, yet with trembling, knowing my own many 
 weaknesses and liability to turn aside from constant 
 watchfulness and preserving fear ; lest, instead of be- 
 coming a way mark to serious inquirers, I should give 
 cause for stumbling and reproach. Lord, preserve me 
 and mine from falling on the right hand or on the left, 
 and be with us in the way that we go ! How closely 
 did our dear Lord and Saviour press the inquiry upon 
 Peter, " Lovest thou me ?" and I think at this season 
 of renewing my covenant, I can reply as Peter did, 
 " Lord thou knowest all things, thou knowest that I 
 love thee." But how many deaths we have to die, 
 before that life reigns in us that gives the victory over 
 the world, the flesh, and the devil ! 
 
 11th mo. 2nd. Before I arose this morning my 
 heart was visited, and tendered by my heavenly 
 Father's love, and a degree of confidence raised, that 
 if I faithfully followed on to know the Lord, his pre- 
 serving care would be with me the few remaining 
 moments of my probationary life. What a mercy to 
 one so totally unworthy, and so near the confines of 
 the silent grave; may a sense of reverent thank- 
 fulness ever rest on my heart, and may a renewed 
 feeling of Christian love increase and enlarge, with 
 near sympathy, not only for my own family and those 
 
80 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 of the same community, but for my fellow-creatures 
 the world over. I believe every true Christian, by 
 the power of the gospel working on his mind, must be 
 libeial minded ; and I regret sometimes to observe 
 those who are called such, very uncharitable to their 
 brethren who differ from them. 'Real Christians, or 
 children of God, and sincere followers of the Re- 
 deemer, are of one heart and of one soul, wherever 
 scattered, and whatever may be their outward form af 
 religion : these of every nation, kindred, tongue, and 
 people, love one another, and have one common Parent, 
 
 29th. I have found it an advantage, as soon as 
 awake in the morning, to endeavour to turn my mind 
 inward, to wait upon God, to feel his good presence, 
 and lift up my heart to him for protection during the 
 day ; and in the evening, to look to him, and consider 
 if my conduct has pleased him ; and if we are sensible 
 our ways have met with his approbation, how sweetly, 
 under these consoling reflections, do we take our rest 
 in sleep ! I was favoured to feel tenderness of heart, 
 tears of contrition flowed freely while reading the first 
 chapter of first Corinthians, " God hath chosen the 
 foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and 
 God hath chosen the weak things of the world to con- 
 found the things that are mighty, that no flesh should 
 glory in his presence." 
 
 10th mo. 17th. I was affected by hearing of the 
 death of J. D. and M. C, both valuable elders of the 
 same Monthly Meeting ; I had the privilege of their 
 acquaintance from early age, and was instructed by 
 their example. They saw the safety of an humble 
 life, took up the cross, and followed a crucifie 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 81 
 
 Saviour. For wise purposes, that we have no right to 
 question, our holy High Priest has seen meet of late, 
 to call many of his labourers from the church 
 militant on earth, to unite to his church triumphant 
 in heaven. Many mourn the stripped state of our 
 Society, few indeed are coming up in their footsteps ; 
 nor can we say of many of our sons as formerly, that 
 they are as plants growing up in their youth, or of 
 our daughters, that they are as corner-stones polished 
 after the similitude of a palace ! 
 
 1835, 1st mo. 2nd. On my pillow the good Re- 
 membrancer, in infinite love, tendered my heart by 
 the consideration, of how swiftly my precious time 
 passes ! How has the last year been spent ? Have I 
 resigned my heart more freely than in former ones, to 
 that Power who justly claims a full surrender ? Oh ! 
 Lord, keep me low, keep me humble, keep me more — 
 far more attentive to thy divine will, and faithful to all 
 thy requirings, wheresoever thou art pleased to lead — 
 search every corner of my heart, that every secret sin 
 may be purged away by the redeeming power of thy 
 Son ; and that I may witness that essentially needful 
 baptism, whereby I can feel a willingness to be 
 accounted a fool for my dear Saviour's sake, who has 
 done so much for me. Good Jacob was humbled, 
 when he acknowledged, ^^ I am not worthy of the least 
 of all thy mercies which thou hast shewed to thy ser- 
 vant, for with my staff I passed over this Jordan, and 
 now I am become two bands.'' 
 
 14th. Through unmerited mercy, I was favoured 
 with a comforting degree of the heavenly presence. 
 Though this suffering frame must moulder and return 
 
82 EXTRACTS FKOM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 to its mother earth, a secret hope is vouchsafed, that 
 the everlasting arm will be underneath ; and I ear- 
 nestly crave it may strengthen my poor drooping mind 
 to press forward, until I arrive at that city that hath 
 no need of the light of the sun or of the moon to en- 
 lighten it, for the Lord God and the Lamb are the 
 light thereof. 
 
 22nd. I very much desire to know, more than 
 ever, the operation of the Father's pruning hand, not 
 only lopping off the superfluous branches, but striking 
 at, and destroying the very root of sin, and to experi- 
 ence his woundings to heal, and killings to make 
 alive. By his fatherly chastisement he bringeth us 
 into the near attachment of sons and daughters ; and 
 by his righteous judgments, he brings his children into 
 a stedfast reliance on himself. He watereth and 
 feedeth his flock, he sheltereth his lambs, and prepareth 
 a banquet for his chosen, and maketh them sweetly to 
 rest as at noon. Oh ! Lord God, thou whose mercies 
 ai'e both ancient and new, I pray thee leave me not 
 nor forsake me, take not thy Holy Spirit from me ; 
 give me a heart more fully resigned to follow thee, and 
 do thy revealed will. Be with me in every conflict, 
 let thy presence go with me and guide me through the 
 wilderness of this world, to a house not made with 
 hands, eteraal in the heavens. Amen. 
 
 24 th. I had an impression to call on a friend re- 
 covering from ill health, and came home rejoicing that 
 our spirits had been humbled together at the footstool 
 of Grace. 
 
 3rd mo. 1st. Dryness and poverty at both meet- 
 ings, and utter inability to keep myself; yet had some 
 
OF MARY HAQGER. 83 
 
 faint desires after good ; may the gracious Protector, 
 by his everlasting arm, be felt near at the close of my 
 day, when the shadows of the evening approach. 
 
 26th. Sitting down in our little week-day meeting, 
 yesterday, I was enabled to feel the inexpressible privi- 
 lege that we as a highly professing people, enjoy beyond 
 any others, when we turn our backs on the things of 
 time, and sit down together silently to wait for Divine 
 help to worship and adore that pure holy Being who 
 seeketh to be worshipped in Spirit and in Truth. Oh ! 
 that such opportunities were more prized by our be- 
 loved young people in particular j and that we might 
 all watch carefully against wandering thoughts, and 
 labour to draw near the Source of all good, that we 
 may be preserved from the snares of the wicked one, 
 who in this day of great excitement, is suiting his 
 baits to our dispositions. 
 
 5th mo. 3rd. " Blessed is the man that trusteth 
 in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is ; he shall 
 be as a tree planted by the water, that spreadeth out 
 her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat 
 Cometh, but her leaf shall be green ; and shall not be 
 careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from 
 yielding fruit." 
 
 8th. In our neighbourhood we have witnessed 
 many loud calls to prepare for our latter end, as Solo- 
 mon said, " the doors shall be shut in the street, when 
 the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up 
 at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of music 
 shall be brought low, also when they shall be afraid 
 of that which is high : and fears shall be in the way, 
 and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper 
 
84 EXTHACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 shall be a burden, and desire shall fail, because man 
 goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about 
 the streets.'" 
 
 13th. At our Monthly Meeting held at Ashford, 
 my mind could scarce sustain its weight of exercise, 
 having for a long time a humiliating view of duty re- 
 quired of me, which has often brought me very low, 
 and in my feeble old age, it has been a close concern 
 to feel true resignation. But endeavouring^ to sink 
 into willingness, I was enabled to cast my burden 
 on my Friends, who feelingly expressed unity, and 
 directed a certificate to be prepared for me to visit 
 the meetings in Essex. I was much relieved, and 
 attended the Yearly Meeting, considering it a renewed 
 mark of my heavenly Father's love, that I could 
 attend many of the sittings ; but I often mused on the 
 important engagement before me, I remembered the 
 stripped tried situation to which David was reduced, 
 and his fearful exclamation, ^' I shall one day perish 
 by the hand of Saul." Oh ! I long that I may 
 more unreservedly obey the voice of the Lord, which 
 is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of 
 rams. I was much strengthened in this journey by 
 the company of Susannah Brown, of Coggershall, 
 whose heart an ever watchful Providence inclined to 
 accompany me through the county. The 20th of 6th 
 mo. I went to Chelmsford, where my dear friend S. B. 
 met me ; the 24th, to Witham Monthly Meeting, held 
 at Maldon. I felt much stripped and low, nothing 
 
 for myself or others, till in a sitting at 's, our 
 
 spirits were replenished by that influence that was 
 tetter than the increase of corn, wine, or oil. Indeed 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 85 
 
 •we were helped to our own admiration, nor have I 
 words to express the tender regard of Him who put- 
 teth forth His own, and goeth before them, and at 
 times is pleased to refresh their spirits by leading them 
 beside the still waters; yea. He is causing them to 
 partake of His inexpressible love. We were very 
 kindly conducted from one meeting to another by 
 exercised Friends, whose company was pleasant and 
 edifying ; and we were often drawn into silence in their 
 families, which proved a strength to our feeble minds. 
 At S. Grover's, widow of our late valuable Friend, 
 W. Grover, we met with Edward Alexander, from 
 Ireland, with whom we went to Walden. After a 
 meeting in the evening, (appointed on his account,) 
 which proved a silent one, we had a favoured oppor- 
 tunity in 's family, dear E. A. was present, my 
 
 heart was bound in near sympathy for this deeply 
 baptised traveller, which I could not keep to myself: 
 after which his spirit was sweetly humbled in suppli- 
 cation to the God and Father of all our sure mercies, 
 or his exercised aged friend, and which I hope to 
 treasure up as a renewed evidence of my heavenly 
 Father's tender love. Having now finished our visits, 
 I parted with my dear companion, and came to 
 Chelmsford. I stayed their meeting on First day, 
 w^here I again met dear E. A., who seemed to me like 
 passive clay in the hands of the Great Potter. I was 
 at Tottenham meeting on the 16th of 7th mo. ; and 
 after very pleasantly spending a time with my dear 
 children, reached home the 24th, and enjoyed a 
 peaceful mind. '^ Return unto thy rest, oh ! my soul, 
 for the Lord has dealt bountifully with thee." 
 
Ob EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 In days that are past this scripture declaration was 
 often quoted as applicable to our Society, " the people 
 shall dwell alone" — it was when Israel was abiding 
 in his tent, separate from the surrounding nations, 
 that the emphatic exclamation was uttered, " How 
 goodly are thy tents, O Jacob, and thy tabernacles, 
 
 Israel! as the valleys are they spread forth, as 
 gardens by the river side, and as cedar trees beside the 
 waters." And of this favoured people, it was declared 
 on the same occasion, " the people shall dwell alone, 
 and shall not be reckoned among the nations." 
 
 8th mo. 14th. At the Monthly Meeting at Folk- 
 stone, I returned my certificate, and enjoyed a 
 peaceful mind. Oh ! my soul, mayst thou ever bow 
 low at the footstool of thy Saviour, and for ever 
 adore and praise his worthy name ! 
 
 About this time, I received a letter from my late 
 dear companion, S. Brown, informing me of the de- 
 cease of her beloved sister, Mary Jesup. It might be 
 justly said, she feared the Lord from her youth : I 
 doubt not that the immortal part has taken its 
 flight, to dwell for ever with Him who is Love. 
 Many weighty expressions dropped from her during 
 her illness. *^ Oh !" said she, " it is so sweet to be 
 quiet, to lie close in the bosom of my Saviour ;" many 
 times expressing the peace and comfort she felt. We 
 cannot but mourn the loss of such, whose life and 
 conversation hold forth the language, " follow me, as 
 
 1 have borne the cross, despised the shame, and fol- 
 lowed Christ!" 
 
 30th. Our morning meeting was to my mind a 
 humbling season, and in the evening similar, for 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 87 
 
 which I desire to be thankful. It is utterly impossible 
 that any thing should bring to the knowledge of the 
 will of God, but the light and spirit of Christ, by an 
 inward manifestation. 
 
 9th mo. 28th. I went to the London Select Quar- 
 terly Meeting, which felt to me a poor, low time. How 
 precious would the quickening influence of the Holy 
 Spirit be, as was formerly experienced, when Truth 
 reigned over all. Quarterly Meeting on third day, a 
 sweet solemnity came over us, by the renewed streams 
 of that river whose source is everlasting Love. 
 
 10th mo. 3rd. Went to Epping ; it felt to me like 
 paying a debt I have owed since I returned from a 
 visit into Essex. I was enabled to return with my 
 penny, after calling on all the Friends' families — Oh ! 
 who would not serve so rich a rewarder for so small 
 an act of obedience ! 
 
 15th. Folkstone Monthly Meeting — I endeavoured 
 to draw^ near the fountain, and returned in possession 
 of a quiet and easy mind — where little is given, little 
 is required, neither do we serve a hard Master. 
 
 25th. First day, morning and afternoon meetings 
 were suffering seasons. I long to be made sensible 
 that I am filling up that part of the sufferings of the 
 dear E,edeemer that is my allotted portion. I had a 
 pleasant, and I hope, a profitable time of retirement 
 in the evening, with a young friend that called in. 
 Such opportunities often afford sweet reflection ; and 
 we are ready to admire that we do not manifest greater 
 interest in the everlasting welfare of our friends at all 
 times, and endeavour more, in the social circle, to 
 edify one another. 
 
88 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 11th mo. 8tli. A day of heavy conflict in both 
 meetings. What small occurrences disturb and per- 
 plex our minds, when Satan, our unwearied enemy, 
 is watching every avenue. Oh ! my Father, who art 
 in heaven, and dwellest in the light, be pleased to 
 remember my low estate, and renew my confidence in 
 thy never-failing power. Though I walk through 
 darkness and see no light, oh ! stay my drooping 
 mind on thee, and strengthen me to maintain the 
 warfare to the end ; for thou remainest to be the 
 strength of the poor, and of the needy in their distress, 
 a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when 
 the blast of the terrible one is as a storm against the 
 wall ! 
 
 12th. I attended our Monthly Meeting at Can- 
 terbury, where we were remarkably addressed under 
 the influence of best Wisdom. Without this anoint- 
 ing no one can preach the gospel — and if such 
 favoured opportunities are not improved, we shall be 
 accountable at that day, when every talent will be 
 called for at our hands, though it may be but one, and 
 that the smallest of all talents. 
 
 In this month, I was visited with illness, which 
 soon brought me very low ; I believed it to be a mark 
 of my heavenly Father's love, and a renewed visitation 
 to my soul. I sensibly felt the dear Redeemer's 
 solemn voice, " Steward, give an account of thy 
 stewardship." The impression was weighty and very 
 humiliating for a considerable time : and though I 
 was favoured to feel my mind, in adorable mercy, 
 quiet and easy, and I hope in degree resigned, I 
 could not get to that sweet assurance I earnestly 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 89 
 
 longed for — and oh ! how was a cruel enemy suffered 
 to buffet me. I strove to wrestle, as Jacob did, 
 through almost a sleepless night, but strength failed 
 me, ray many holdings back, disobediences, and 
 omissions of duty, by too much giving way to the 
 fear of men in days that are long past, were brought 
 to my afflicted mind with deep and painful anxiety. 
 After a time of close exercise, and fervent breathing 
 for help, condescending Goodness was pleased to notice 
 such a poor worm, and in His tender mercy, to help, 
 when vain was the help of man. These words almost 
 constantly rested on my mind for several days, " pray 
 without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks." This 
 hard, though necessary reduction of self ought to be a 
 profitable lesson. I looked on my dear children, who 
 were all with me, and thought I could freely part 
 with them, if it were the will of Him who created us ; 
 for I felt his boundless love as a canopy over us, and 
 that, as they kept close to Him, He would not fail to 
 protect them in every trial. After a time I began to 
 amend, and the prospect of returning as to a thorny 
 wilderness, in which I had experienced many afflicting 
 seasons, at first, was trying to me ; but we cannot 
 rejoice but through suffering, not abound but through 
 previous abasement. It is indeed a great blessing, 
 and well worth every conflict, to be permitted in the 
 centre of our souls to hold communion with our dear 
 Saviour. " How excellent is thy loving-kindness, O 
 God, therefore the children of men put their trust 
 under the shadow of thy wing." May this gracious 
 manifestation of thy love be a lasting benefit to my 
 mind, and according to thy great mercy, take me and 
 
90 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 the tender children thou hast given me ; oh ! take us 
 under thy holy protecting care. Search and prove us, 
 and do away from our hearts every thought that is 
 opposed to thy righteous governrnent ; quicken our 
 resolutions to stand upon our watch, and sit upon the 
 tower, and watch to see what thou wilt say unto us, 
 and what we shall answer when we are reproved. 
 Preserve us, O dearest Father, from all the fiery darts of 
 the wicked one, and give us that faith that is invin- 
 cible ; be thou our refuge and defence while sojourning 
 in the wilderness of time, and passing through Jor- 
 dan's flood, to Canaan's land. Keep us, I beseech 
 thee, in a feeling sense of thy preserving fear, and 
 from a desire to form for ourselves an easier way to 
 thy pure and holy kingdom than that already made 
 by our perfect Pattern, thy beloved Son, who is the 
 Way, the Truth, and the Life. Oh ! Lord my God, 
 enable us, by the workings of thy power, to take up 
 our cross, and serve thee faithfully all the days of our 
 appointed time ; and give us an inheritance in thy holy 
 city, that hath no need of the sun nor of the moon to 
 enlighten it, for thy glory does lighten it, and thy 
 Lamb is the light thereof. Amen, and amen, saith 
 my soul. 
 
 12th mo. 11th. During the above illness, in which 
 her recovery appeared doubtful, the following expres- 
 sions were taken down : — 
 
 " I felt very low and poorly in the night, but I had 
 a comfortable hope (though it did not continue long 
 with me) that all would be well, that I am ready to 
 think the time is nearly come." 
 
 13th. Two friends caUing to see her, she remarked, 
 
OF MA.RY HAGGER. 91 
 
 " I have been dwelling as in a dry and thirsty land, 
 and though I have endeavoured to labour through a 
 long life, I have nothing of my own to boast of; and 
 in the evening, on hearing the 10th verse of the 37th 
 Psalm, " Oh ! I can testify to the truth of that, for 
 when all my friends have seemed to forsake me then 
 hath the Lord taken me up/^ 
 
 I5th. After passing through a low and deeply 
 depressed season, she said, " If I should be taken 
 now, all will be well, I have such a full assur- 
 ance that there is a mansion prepared for me, and 
 that crowns all." To one of her daughters, " Thou 
 must try and give me up, pray for patience and 
 resignation, and look to the Lord for strength, to 
 say, ^ He gave and He can take away, blessed is the 
 name of the Lord.' If thou lookest to Him, thou wilt 
 be preserved, He will never leave thee nor forsake 
 thee.'*' " How tenderly I am dealt with, I am sinking 
 so gradually away.'' To her grandson, " We have 
 always been tenderly united, and have loved each 
 other, thou wilt feel the loss of me, but be a good boy, 
 be kind to thy parents, and regard those tender im- 
 pressions thou hast so often felt ; encourage them, 
 then thou wilt make a good man." 
 
 Being asked the next morning how she felt, she 
 replied, " I want to feel quite resigned ;" — shortly 
 after, on recovering from a violent fit of coughing, 
 by which she was much exhausted, " Now I think I 
 can give you all up freely." She gave much suitable 
 advice to a friend who called to see her, and urging 
 the necessity of obedience to manifested duty, that 
 thus he might become qualified to step into the places 
 
9-2 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANA 
 
 of those further advanced in age, when they should 
 be laid in the silent grave. Referring to herself, 
 " My only confidence is in my Saviour." 
 
 On the 17th, she began to revive, and so far reco- 
 vered as to be able to pay several visits to her friends.] 
 
 12th mo. 31st. The reflecting time is come to part 
 with the past, and enter on the new year : how sweetly 
 consoling, if we have a firm belief, that we have fol- 
 lowed the Lamb faithfully in the discharge of all our 
 religious duties, in the year that is over, and cannot 
 be recalled, then our peace will flow as a river, and 
 encourage us to lift up our prayers to our Almighty 
 Helper, that he will be pleased in future to be our 
 shield, and to cover us with the mantle of his love. 
 
 1836, 1st mo. 5th. I have been several weeks 
 prevented attending our little meeting from indispo- 
 sition, yet I have enjoyed a precious stillness in sitting 
 alone ; and hope I can say in truth, the Lord has 
 been near, and in tender mercy quieted my mind, 
 and raised the language in my heart, " What shall I 
 render unto thee for all thy benefits, for they are new 
 every morning." 
 
 3rd mo. 5th. I have of late experienced many 
 seasons of poverty and want; infirmities of body, and 
 strippedness of mind have been much my companions, 
 and proved my faith and patience, especially at my 
 advanced age, standing as at the brink of the grave. 
 The cry of my heart is, '^ Let not thy hand spare, nor 
 thine eye pity, until my strong will is slain, and 
 brought into subjection, and all within me is made to 
 b ow at thy sacred footstool, and to offer unto thee a 
 living sacrifice, that I might see how good it is to 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 93 
 
 suffer ) had it been otherwise, I might never have en- 
 joyed a feast of fat things. 
 
 5th mo. 22nd. I went to London, and attended five 
 sittings of the Yearly Meeting. I desired that the day 
 might dawn as formerly, when Truth reigned over 
 all. The concluding meeting of ministers and elders 
 was the last that dear Thomas Shillitoe was able to 
 attend. I had the comfort of his company to Totten- 
 ham, and observed he was sinking fast. It may be 
 truly said, his sun went down in brightness. He 
 finished a valuable life on the 5th of 6th month, 
 ^' Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord, yea, saith 
 the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours, and 
 their works do follow them." 
 
 6th mo. 14th. I had a pleasant ride home. After 
 a long dry season, a bountiful Providence was pleased 
 to water the thirsty ground, and cause a fresh and 
 lively verdure to renew its beauty. The little birds 
 were warbling their sweet notes as of joy and praise, 
 which brought to my mind the words, " The winter is 
 over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth, the 
 time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of 
 the turtle is heard in our land." 
 
 7th mo. 1st. and myself went to a Union house 
 
 in our neighbourhood, that was to receive the destitute 
 poor from twenty parishes. The women's side was 
 nearly uninhabited, but a considerable number of aged 
 men were there ; one of them was reading the Holy 
 Scriptures, the others sitting by in a becoming man- 
 ner. We saw their beds and pillows of straw ; their 
 food coarse, but wholesome and clean. Several of 
 them expressed thankfulness for being provided for in 
 
94 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 the decline of life ; many of them more than eighty 
 years of age. I sat a while with them, for my heart 
 was affected with a sense of our dear Saviour's suf- 
 ferings, in giving up his precious life for this part of 
 the creation, who are equally with us, the objects of 
 his tender care. He came to seek and to save those 
 that are lost. I believe there are none, either among 
 the young or the aged, who are not capable of reli- 
 gious impression : but O ! that the manifestation of 
 the light given to every one may not become clouded 
 by their teachers, many of whom seemed to me to be 
 better acquainted with forms and ceremonies, than 
 concerned to lead a self-denying life, and to walk with 
 the meek and lowly Jesus. I came home reflecting 
 on my many blessings, and enjoyed my penny. 
 
 In the 1st mo. last, an apprehension of duty settled 
 on my mind, that it would be required of me to pay a 
 visit to the families of Friends of this Monthly Meeting, 
 and many times it came with considerable clearness 
 and weight. My age and infirmities stood much in 
 my way, not enough considering that the Great 
 Master, whom I desire to serve, and who, I believed 
 required the sacrifice, knows my poor weak frame, 
 and is able to afford strength to perform it. 
 
 7th mo. 12th. Monthly Meeting at Dover. As it 
 approached, I believed the time was come that I 
 should throw my burden on my friends. But O ! for 
 ever adored be the Great Helper, ever mindful of the 
 little fearful ones who feel that they have none to cry 
 to for help, but Him alone, the weight much decreased. 
 Whilst at my friend's, and in the night, the prospect 
 closed. In returning home I felt much, relieved, and 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 95 
 
 bowed in humility and thankfulness. Is there any 
 God like unto our God, who is glorious in holiness, 
 fearful in praises, working wonders ? 
 
 31st. I went to meeting this morning in much 
 weakness and fear, lest I should fall a prey to the 
 devourer. Instead of feeling ability to encourage 
 others, I longed for the help of their spirits, and said 
 in my heart. Give me patience, O Lord, to bear the 
 turnings of thy holy hand upon me. Lead me to 
 the Rock that is higher than I. This, in unutterable 
 condescension, was my joyful experience. Oh ! what 
 shall I render unto the God of my salvation for all 
 his mercies to one so totally unworthy of the least 
 portion of his tender regard ! This renewed abounding 
 of his love rested with sweetness on my mind many 
 days — praised be his adorable and great name, both 
 now and for ever, saith my soul. 
 
 8th mo. 28th. Going to meeting this morning in a 
 degree . of passiven ess, my vessel was replenished with 
 a little wine of the kingdom. In the evening, I was 
 enabled to say from precious experience, " my 
 Redeemer liveth, blessed be his name who is dealing 
 thus bountifully. That he may be pleased to carry 
 on, and perfect his own work, is what my soul craves. 
 
 9th mo. 4th. Relieved my mind of a burden that 
 has long been heavy, on account of a few children 
 being deprived of the privilege of attending week-day 
 meetings ; their parents not enough considering the 
 importance of presenting their tender charge before 
 the Lord on a week-day. We know not when it may 
 please their heavenly Father most powerfully to visit 
 and tender their susceptible minds. But how many 
 
96 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 coverings there are, that sorrowfully dim the bright 
 shining of that precious light within us, that is lighted 
 by the Divine Light and Life himself, and was never 
 intended to be covered by a bushel, but set on a candle- 
 stick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house, 
 not only to our little Society, but those that observe 
 our general conduct through life. If our dear chil- 
 dren's teachers were made acquainted with the cause 
 of their absence from school, it might be a means of 
 brightening the light in them, and of inviting them to 
 come, taste, and see for themselves how good the Lord 
 is, and worthy of adoration, worship, and obedience, 
 now and for ever. 
 
 7th. When we first sat down in meeting,the 
 precious children being with us, a very sweet feeling 
 covered nny mind, wherein I silently mused my hea- 
 venly Father's praise : he is a rich rewarder for every 
 act of obedience ! I said in my heart, Return to the 
 place of thy rest, O my soul, for the Lord thy God 
 hath dealt bountifully with thee. 
 
 [In the 12th month.] This dear invalid was again 
 visited with severe illness, which she was enabled to 
 bear with great patience and resignation, frequently 
 addressing those who attended her with much humility 
 when the following expressions were collected. 
 
 12th mo. 19th, 1836. It is an awful thing to appear 
 before the Judge of the whole earth, I am sure I have 
 not a rag to cover myself with, but my whole and 
 entire dependence is on my holy Saviour, who, I 
 humbly hope will plead my cause : I do believe love 
 will cover the judgment seat. If there are any who 
 slight the offers of a merciful Saviour, how deplorable 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 97 
 
 must be their condition !" '^ I have such sweet sen- 
 tences of scripture brought to my remembrance, that 
 I think are too good to belong to me." '' We have 
 been mercifully dealt with, and blessed in basket and 
 in store ; and I firmly believe, that He who has been 
 with me all my life long, will be near and protect my 
 children." 
 
 22nd. Addressing her children, " I can leave you 
 to the protection of the Shepherd of Israel, who never 
 will forsake you, unless you first draw back and for- 
 sake Him — a father to the fatherless, and a husband 
 to the widow, is God in his holy habitation.'' " I am 
 of the mind of Job Scott, that man cannot pray, man 
 cannot of his own natural abilities, pray as he ought." 
 
 *' I felt so stripped and emptied this afternoon, that 
 I wanted you, my dear children, to come and sit 
 quietly with me, and try to unite our exercise. I have 
 often remembered the positive injunction and promise 
 of our blessed Lord, ' Seek, and ye shall find, (no hesita- 
 tion,) ask, and ye shall receive.' I have felt the Com- 
 forter as at the threshold of the door, waiting to do his 
 own office. May we neither of us suffer our eyes to 
 close until we have lifted up our hearts to thee, O 
 thou most adorable Lord God ! look down upon us at 
 this most awful time, be near and strengthen us, even 
 the very weakest amongst us, with the influences of 
 thy Spirit; send us help from thy sanctuary, and 
 strengthen us out of Zion ! " 
 
 24th. " Oh ! what a poor creature I am, but my 
 heavenly Father can do all for me. I feel quite 
 willing to go, not at all afraid; and when more 
 
yo EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 depressed and low than I know how to bear, the word 
 is, ' I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee/ " 
 
 At another time, *^ I have a hope, a confirming 
 hope, that a mansion is prepared for me ; it is all 
 through the intercession of my dear Redeemer ! He 
 sometimes comes in so sweetly. "When he does, it is 
 all in mercy, not from merit, I am sm^e it is always in 
 love unutterable." 
 
 25th. " When the Divine power and influence is 
 withdrawn, which is often the case, I feel very low, 
 but when it returns, it is so sweet and reviving !" 
 " How awful is eternity ! I am often ready to say, 
 O, eternity, eternity ! how inexpressibly awfnl art 
 thou !" " Oh, how animating is the prospect, to think 
 of joining that innumerable company whom no man 
 can number!" 
 
 28th. When feeling very low, she said, "Oh ! 
 to be clothed with the saints' robe of righteousness !" 
 
 1st mo. 5th, 1837. After reading the Scriptures, 
 and sitting in silence, ** We have had a comfortable 
 little meeting together. We who have leisure, ought 
 to think it our duty to meet more than once a day for 
 this purpose : it seems like an evening sacrifice. 
 Gather up the fragments that nothing be lost." 
 
 To one of her children, she said, " I want to tell 
 thee how comfortable I felt in the night, that all was 
 peace 5 I had an evidence, (if I dare call it so, to such 
 a poor creature,) that all would be well ; and O, those 
 beautiful gates, if we ever enter, it must be in this 
 humble view of ourselves, it must be so to me, a poor 
 creature, a worm and no man. And you, my dear 
 children, in a particular manner, live in love one with 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 99 
 
 another, and live near that humbling Power that will 
 preserve you. I feel so calm, it seems as if I had 
 nothing to do." 
 
 The w^eakness of her almost exhausted frame, was at 
 times very trying, and she often said, " O, that I may 
 be preserved in patience. O, that it may please my 
 heavenly Father to take me to himself. I hope that 
 speaking of my bodily infirmities will not be considered 
 murmuring ; for although I feel more low and languid 
 than I ever have done, my mind is comfortable, I seem 
 to have nothing to do — all appears done for me by 
 a merciful Saviour, by an adorable Redeemer." 
 
 From this illness she so far recovered as to be able 
 to attend meetings generally, till the severity of the 
 season prevented, * yet she still enjoyed the company 
 of her friends. 
 
 1837, 4th mo. 23rd. Musing on my pillow this 
 moining, I could but commemorate the boundless love 
 of a faithful Creator to my poor soul, from early life 
 to the present day; He made me sensible of his 
 goodness, and inclined me to love and fear Him. I 
 was tendered and broken in meetings, and took oppor- 
 tunities to get alone and strew my tears before the 
 Lord, many times thinking. Oh! that I had lived in 
 the day our blessed Saviour was upon the earth, I 
 would have added one to the number of the multitude 
 that followed him closely, I should have seen his 
 miracles, and loved him more. It often came into my 
 
 * On returning, she often remarked the weighty solid deport- 
 ment of a dear friend, during meetings, who is now removed from 
 time to eternity; also his great care in not entering into light con- 
 versation on leaving them. 
 
 i.ef C. 
 
100 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 mind, in days of distress and besetment, *' Seek first 
 the kingdom of heaven, and the righteousness thereof, 
 and all other things needful shall be added." This 
 animating promise has often been a consolation to my 
 drooping spirit In proving seasons when I have 
 been tried as to an hair's breadth, it was sealed upon 
 my mind, that if I strove with all my might, if I 
 kept hold of the anchor, I should be helped through 
 my deepest conflicts, which has been brought to 
 pass in a wonderful manner. A compassionate Pro- 
 tector afforded strength to cry unto Him for help, 
 that he would never leave me, nor forsake me, but • 
 reduce, and humble my soul to this state, Not my 
 will, but thine be done, O Lord. 
 
 5th mo. 3rd. I have been favoured with a com- 
 fortable refreshing meeting. Bow very low, O my 
 soul, and from time to time fully submit under the 
 refinings of God's power. Oh ! with what earnestness 
 do I desire to have my prayers ascend before him, 
 that he would continue to be with, and watch 
 over me now in my feeble old age — protect and 
 preserve me in a state of subjection to his holy law, 
 where pride, anxiety, and woe cannot enter — appoint 
 my dwelling in the low valley, where the grass is 
 green, and the fragrant flowers give a sweet smell. 
 Assured I am, that none that ever seek him ear- 
 nestly in the secret of their minds, but will find him 
 a God nigh at hand, and graciously disposed to 
 replenish and satisfy the hungry soul. 
 
 7th. I was favoured with the privilege of sitting 
 with my friends at meeting, and thankful to partake 
 of a few crumbs, of which I felt very unworthy. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 101 
 
 Lord suffer me never to forget thy favours, and 
 clothe my mind with humility 5 centre me deeper 
 much deeper in it. 
 
 9th. We are looking for our Friends to attend a 
 Monthly Meeting here. My earnest desire this morn- 
 ing is to be preserved in a state of watchfulness, that I 
 sin not with my tongue, or prove a stumbling to any, 
 especially to the tenderly beloved young Friends, whose 
 faces are happily turned Zionward. I feel earnest to be 
 preserved from hurting the work of the Lord in myself, 
 or hindering its growth in others. But Oh! thou 
 God of everlasting love, author of every comfort and 
 consolation, reprove and instruct me by the operation 
 of thy pure Spirit in my soul, enable me to say, *' I 
 live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me !" 
 
 I was rejoiced to see my valued friend, William 
 Rickman, in the 93rd year of his age ; it may be truly 
 said, he is fresh and green in old age; and out of the 
 good treasure of his heart, he was strengthened to bring 
 forth to our comfort: bless the Lord, O my soul, 
 and forget not all His mercies ; for He shall be called 
 the repairer of breaches, the restorer of paths to dwell 
 in. 
 
 Since the 11th mo. last year, I have had but little 
 opportunity or inclination to make memorandums, and 
 have been often prevented attending meetings through 
 indisposition ; but sitting by myself, endeavouring to 
 unite with my Friends who are enjoying the inexpres- 
 sible privilege of social worship, I have often felt poor 
 and stripped of every sensible feeling of good. " By 
 whom shall Jacob arise, for he is small V After long 
 striving to wait quietly, the good Remembrancer has 
 e2 
 
102 EXTEACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 been pleased to prove Himself to be near, and I have 
 found such seasons to be the means of deep humilia- 
 tion to my poor forgetful mind. In these baptizing 
 seasons, the words of a faithful servant of the Lord 
 have often strengthened me, '^ Patience in low times 
 is an excellent anchor, and hope bears up the soul." 
 
 10th mo. 1st, I arose this morning very weak and 
 poorly ; my poor tabernacle is fast declining by age 
 and infirmities. I can reverently acknowledge that 
 goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of 
 my life. Thou, O gracious Helper, hast been with 
 me through many tribulations, many perils within and 
 without ; I pray thee be with me the remaining part of 
 my life, and forsake me not, now health and strength 
 fail : but enable me to live looser from the world, and 
 closer unto thee, O thou Father and Fountain of every 
 comfort and consolation. Permit me, O Lord, reve- 
 rently to covet thy holy protection for myself, my 
 children, and tender grand-children, that they may be 
 preserved strangers to the vanities of the world, pride, 
 and superfluity of every kind. Keep them, I pray 
 thee, from taking their flight as into the air, where 
 the snares of the prince of the power thereof are laid to 
 catch them— keep them from aspiring unto things too 
 high for them — Oh ! most merciful Father, keep us 
 all, I humbly pray thee, little in our own estimation ; 
 for thou art God, with the dear Son of thy love blessed 
 for ever ! 
 
 10th mo. 11th, paid us a very agreeable visit. 
 
 How instructive is a growth in grace ; the path of the 
 just shineth brighter and brighter as they diligently 
 walk in the light j and by every act of obedience they 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 103 
 
 grow stronger and stronger, but negligence in per- 
 forming our duty leaves us more in Satan's power. 
 How needful then is it, to be steadily pressing after 
 the Father's love, which is the spiritual light and life 
 of men, and to be watchful unto prayer, to feel the 
 mind secretly breathing after it. . If this is our engage- 
 ment, and the true hunger and thirst experienced, we 
 shall be fed. 
 
 26th. Sitting up in bed, my mind was very unex- 
 pectedly comforted by these words, '^ The Lord know- 
 eth them that are his," which affected me. I said in 
 my heart, What have I to return for such favours ; 
 surely nothing but shame and confusion of face 1 
 
 Uth mo. 21st. What a favour would it be, if in 
 our daily retirements we were owned by that enriching 
 peace, which the world can neither give nor take away. 
 " Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not 
 to thy own understanding" — " Wait on the Lord, be 
 of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart, 
 wait I say on the Lord." — Oh ! may it please Him to 
 raise up judges as at the first, and counsellors as at 
 the beginning — to hasten that day when truth and 
 righteousness shall cover the earth as the waters cover 
 the sea ! A participation of the love of God by the 
 members of the true church, teaches them to know the 
 communion of saints, and the deep union of the one 
 Spirit, which makes them as epistles written in one 
 another's hearts, which neither time nor distance can 
 ever erase. 
 
 In the 3rd month, I heard of the decease of dear 
 Ann Kansome, of Hitchen. I have not heard of the 
 particulars of her close, but T have known her to be a 
 
104 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 diligent labourer in the Lord's yineyard, and very ser- 
 viceable in the church discipline. The intelligence 
 brought to my mind a fresh call to arise and trim my 
 lamp, that I might not be like the foolish virgins that 
 were excluded from entering in to behold the Bride- 
 groom of souls. 
 
 Oh ! the necessity of not only receiving the seed of 
 the kingdom, but with all readiness to allow its growth. 
 The work of truth in the heart of man is described to 
 be progressive, first the blade, then the ear, then the 
 full corn in the ear. 
 
 There are many publications in this day that have a 
 tendency to corrupt the mind ; if we read the Scrip- 
 tures they will draw us nearer to God than any other 
 volume. In the records of our dear Saviour's life and 
 death, we shall perceive where the Master's feet have 
 trod ; and, in reading his sufferings with attention, the 
 youthful mind is often moved and tendered, and in 
 great humility brought nearer to His pure spirit in the 
 heart. 
 
 O Thou that hast been pleased to lengthen out my 
 days to old age, thou knowest Satan's desire to have 
 me, that he may sift me as wheat. Oh ! suffer me to 
 know an increase of strength by thy power, which only 
 is able to support the mind, when the waves of afflic- 
 tion run high, and threaten to overwhelm : it is the 
 voice of thy omnipotence only that can at such seasons 
 effectually proclaim, Peace be still ! 
 
 6th mo. Sitting up in bed, I feel my strength de- 
 clining. Oh ! for patience and firm confidence in my 
 dear Redeemer, is what I have been striving for, and 
 hope more fully to attain. But Oh ! how poor and 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 105 
 
 forsaken I am, comparable to the state of Mary of old, 
 in her mournful search. " They have taken away my 
 Lord, and I know not where they have laid him." 
 Oh ! grant a continued exercise of soul, until I have 
 found Him whom my soul loveth, because He, first in 
 his adorable goodness and tender mercy, followed me 
 by his heart-reaching calls in the days of my youth, 
 saying, '^ This is the way, walk in it." I desire more 
 than ever to search closely the most secret parts of my 
 own heart. I have to mourn for suffering the fear of 
 man to stay and hinder me, that I have held back 
 when I should have come boldly forward in the Lord's 
 blessed cause. Oh 1 my short comings, my many 
 omissions and commissions have caused me many 
 hour3 of sorrow, and bitter cries to the Creator of the 
 ends of the earth for forgiveness. And I trust in the 
 days of humiliation, I was strengthened again to re- 
 new my covenant similar to Jacob, " If thou wilt be 
 with me in the way I go, give me bread to eat, and 
 raiment to put on. Thou shalt be my God, and I will 
 serve thee ;" and in his adorable goodness, peace, yea, 
 solid peace, has been restored, and my soul enabled to 
 magnify and adore His great and glorious name, who 
 is God over all blessed for ever. Amen. 
 
 8th mo. 18th. First day, my mind sweetly re- 
 freshed by these words, " Give unto the Lord glory 
 and strength ; give unto* the Lord the glory due unto 
 His name." Oh ! be graciously pleased to preserve 
 me, in my weak state, from becoming a prey to the 
 unwearied enemy of my soul. Oh ! grant that the 
 same light that was a light to David's feet, and a 
 lantern to his path, may be permitted to guide my 
 
.106 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA 
 
 poor soul into a mansion prepared for it in Thy king- 
 dom. Oh ! Thou whose tender love and boundless 
 compassion, I cannot express as I feel it this morning. 
 Mayst thou keep me little, low, and in thy fear ! 
 
 10th mo. 30th. I came down stairs weary, and 
 resting on the sofa, the sun shone very pleasantly, a 
 precious sense of my heavenly Father's love refreshed 
 my heart far more than I deserve, but not more than 
 I covet. " Return unto thy rest, O my soul, for the 
 Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee." 
 
 I long, and that with tears, to unite with those who 
 are rightly gathered there (at Meeting) ; the promise 
 still remains unbroken to those that gather into the 
 sacred name, the power of Truth, that can alone give 
 strength to overcome and keep down all wandering 
 thoughts, and so stay and quiet the mind, as to give 
 ability to worship the Father in spirit and in truth, and 
 preserve from presenting their bodies in a lifeless form. 
 
 Just put into a nice warm bed, and partaking of 
 many other comforts. Oh ! most merciful God, per- 
 mit me to meditate in Thy law ; in it there is life, and 
 in it there is joy for evermore ! 
 
 My mind has been sweetly mingling with my dearly 
 beloved Father's spirit in heaven — oh ! that I could 
 keep and abide there for ever with my beloved off- 
 spring ! 
 
 4th mo. 13th, 1839. My poor head is in much 
 pain — oh ! the most earnest desire of my heart is, that 
 my merciful Creator and Preserver may be pleased, in 
 his great love, to keep alive my spiritual senses, 
 though it may please him to lay low and abase every 
 other faculty. 
 
OF MARY HAGGER. 107 
 
 20th. Oh ! the harmony there is in the Lord's 
 family ! " Ephraim shall not envy Judah, nor Judah 
 vex Ephraim" — " they shall not hurt nor destroy in 
 all my holy mountain !" 
 
 From this time she was almost wholly confined to 
 her house, and continued gradually to decline till the 
 9th mo., when she was visited by an only brother, 
 who, after a few days' illness, was removed by death. 
 This unexpected event so forcibly operated upon her, 
 as not only to deprive her of her usual vivacity of 
 mind, but subjected her to much increase of suffering, 
 and the loss of her mental powers, though at times she 
 was favoured with lucid intervals, during which she 
 expressed to the following effect : — 
 
 ^^ Oh ! that I might die the death of the righteous, 
 and that my latter end might be like theirs." 
 
 '^ Oh ! that it may please my heavenly Father to 
 say, ' It is enough !' I have a hope that casteth out 
 fear — I have a hope both sure and stedfast." 
 
 '^ Oh ! it is an awful thing to appear before the 
 Judge of the whole earth, but I do not feel afraid, I 
 have a merciful Saviour. My pain is very great, pray 
 for me, that patience may hold out to the end." 
 
 A few days before her death, she said, " I must die 
 the death, — our blessed Saviour died the death, — mine 
 is a natural death, but his was for the whole world. He 
 gave up his life freely, and suffered on the cross. He 
 gave his life a willing sacrifice, and we must give up 
 our whole hearts — no cross, no crown, is a sure testi- 
 mony j if we will not bear the cross, we cannot have 
 the crown." Then addressing her children, " Oh ! 
 my dear children, may you never rest but in the 
 
108 EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMORANDA, ETC. 
 
 wrestling of tlie soul, until He has fully redeemed 
 you, until He has finished the work He has begun in 
 you. Oh ! from my dying bed, I beg of you, that it 
 may be the earnest breathing of your souls, that you 
 may be redeemed from the perishing things of time, 
 and that your afiections may be fixed upon eternity : 
 upon things that will endure for ever. What would it 
 avail me now (or any at such a time as this) to have 
 the world, or as much as might be equal to our most 
 extravagant desires to possess ? we would freely give it 
 up in exchange for a happy possession! Oh! press 
 after it ; do not be satisfied in any thing that is sen- 
 sual or carnal, but oh ! that we may press after an in- 
 heritance in that which will endure for ever 1" 
 
 "Oh, Eternity ! oh ! the length of eternity ! oh I 
 that it may be impressed on every heart the length of 
 eternity ! Tlm^e is no end !" 
 
 She peacefully expired the 25th of 1st mo., at her 
 house at Ashford in Kent, and was interred in Friends* 
 burial ground there, the 2nd of 2nd mo., 1840. 
 
 " The salvation of the righteous is of the Lord : he 
 is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord 
 shall help them, and deliver them : He shall deliver 
 them from the wicked, and save them, because they 
 trust in him." — Psalm xxxvii. 39, 40. 
 
 Johnston & Barrett, Printers, 13, Mark Lane. 
 
MAR S 1904 
 
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