ZB i '■'";■ g-iss P 5 h 3 5" Rook .7 3 W3-13 Gopyiight^l? COPYRIGHT DEPOSED Class Book Copyright^ . COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. ilS ^s ^ %) m w 7£%i n. 9^K art of her letters. Ross [Turning back delightedly.] Her letter! Then it is from a girl friend. Betty. Most assuredly. Do you suppose I would be reading his letter before the public? [Auto-horn is heard.] Pa [Enters with toothpick in mouth and wiping his hands on his handkerchief.] Betty, whose swell machine is that turning in our gate? Looks like a fresh batch of company. Lucky I left one of those apple pies. Betty. I do believe it's the Turners' auto. They have come out from the city with some of their friends. Ross, you must stay to tea and help me entertain them,. They are a jolly bunch. Won't you please bring out some more chairs? [EXIT Ross. Pa. Don't mix me up with the batch, Betty. I'll just stretch out in the hammock and let on I'm takin' a nap. Now, mind you don't notice me. I sha'n't move nor say a word and they won't know whether I'm a mummy or the hired man takin' his noonin'. [Turns out a glass of lemonade and drinks.] ENTER Ross with chairs. Betty. All right, Pa. Come, Ross, let's go and meet the machine, [EXEUNT Betty and Ross l. Pa. That Burton fellow needs a stroke o' liajhtnin' or somethin' to wake him up. [Sips lemonade until laughter and chatter is heard approaching, when he sets down glass and hastens to hammock.] If I had $ boy like that I'd PA'S PICNIC. 7 set him to thinnin' turnips or raisin' punkins. [Lies down in hammock.] ENTER Max and Amy Turner, Gertrude and Bob, Mamie, Betty and Ross laughing and chatting. Hammock breaks down and Pa's voice is heard above all the chatter. Racket behind scene to aid the com- motion. Pa. Holy smoke ! Who tied that rotten rope ? I'll tan somebody's hide for this. Come and help me up, some of you gillies. I won't be able to ride my horse for a week now. Oh my! Oh my! [Group laughs gleefully] Max. Who's the guy in the tumbling act? Ross. It must be the hired man taking his noonin\ He has peculiar ways of his own. Better not meddle with him. Amy. Poor old man ! What has happened ? Betty. Never mind, friends; it is only Pa taking his noon nap. He is probably having bad dreams. [Aside to Ross.] Help him up, for goodness' sake. You tied that rope. Ross. I beg your pardon; you mean I did not tie the rope. Betty. Of course you didn't, or he wouldn't have fallen. Help him up at once. [She turns to seat visitors who have been whispering together] Ross [Hauling up Pa.] Lively old mummy you make ! Guess we're even now. Pa [Rubbing his bruises.] So you're the fellow I've got to lick, are you ? [Betty introduces friends to her father.] Betty [Placing her arm about her father's neck.] Now, Pa, you owe us all a treat for giving us such a fright, doesn't he, people? Amy. Why, I was frightened half out of my senses, weren't you, Gertrude ? Gertrude. Yes, I thought something terrible had hap- pened. Pa. Well, maybe I was a leetle too strenurus in my presentation speech, but I'm willin' to make amends for the scare I gave you. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give 8 PA'S PICNIC. you a picnic ; the finest one ever sprung on this fertile sile. You all take off your bunnits and I reckon Ma can find corners enuff to chuck you into till to-morrow. Then we'll have the grandest picnic this country ever saw. Chorus. Won't that be lovely ? Oh, how nice ! That's all right ! Gertrude. Betty, your father is a dear. Pa. I'll go and tell Ma to make ready and get Bill to kill a dozen or two spring chickens. We've had picnics here before, but they wasn't managed properly. They'd fuss for a week to get ready and now I'll show you how to get up a picnic on short notice. We'll start promptly at 10 o'clock to-morrow morning, so you must all be ready here on the porch. That's all you've got to do. Betty. Where will you go, Pa? And who will see to making the ice cream and coffee. Pa. Leave all that to me, daughter; don't fret about nothin' and I'll show you how to get up a picnic and have it pass off without any friction or hard work for anybody. It needs just a little plannin' and figgerin' and I guess I'm equal to that. I'll just go and see to things so we can get a good early start. | EXIT. Betty. I have my doubts about the success of Pa's pic- nic, but never mind, the sacrifice may not be so terrible after all. But I have a plan which I think would be lots of fun. I want you all to come here for a house-party. Couldn't we have a jolly time? Chorus. Oh, how perfectly lovely ! Bob. You bet we'll come. Just the thing. Betty. Eoss seems to be the only one who does not ex- actly approve. Max. I can see through his objection easy enough. He wants to be the whole cheese on this ranch. You'll have to divvy up, old fellow. Bob can give us that new stunt of his for entertainment and we'll wake up things around here with our college songs and yells. Mamie. Bob, what is your new stunt? Give it to us now ; we may not be able to carry out the plan for a house- party. Gertrude. Yes, do give it now, Bob, VA'S PICNIC. 9 Bob. All right, I'll try it if Max and the rest of you will give stunts. Max. I can't do anything but bawl in a chorus. Betty. When Bob has done his stunt we'll all sing. Go ahead, Bob. Do you need any stage properties? Bob. Just a couple of chairs. These will do. [Places two chairs at front of stage and goes through the stunt of working a stubborn automobile and is finally thrown head first the length of the machine. Group applauds. Any other stunt may be introduced] Mamie. Get your mandolin, Betty, and let's have some college songs. Ross. I'll get it. I know where it is. [EXIT r. Betty. What shall we sing: Solomon Levi? ENTER Ross with mandolin, which he hands to Betty. She plays and all sing one or more college songs. Solos may be added. Max. I heard a good story the other day, do you want to hear it? Betty. Yes, do tell it while I pass the lemonade. [Passes drink] Max tells funny story. Add others if desired. ENTER Pa, carries field-glass. Pa. I've got everything arranged for now. Times ain't much like they used to be when we had to hitch up and go to town to see about every little dinky fool thing. Now I can just step into the telerphone and do up all my errands in short order. Since we got a telerphone, rural delivery and the new-fangled machinery, farmin's nothin' but child's play. We can even set on our own porch and see what our neighbor is doing a mile away. [Holds up field- glass. ~] This is the thing that tells the tale sometimes. Girls [Jump up.] It's a field-glass! Oh, let us look through the glass, Mr. Preston. Isn't it a fine one ! Pa. [Hands glass to Amy.] Look over yonder to my neighbor Burton's place a mile away and see what's goin' on. " They are probably dragging the cistern in their search for that missin' son of theirs. 10 PA'S PICNIC. Amy [Adjusts glass.] Oh, I see — some kind of a little animal running in the harn-yard. Why, it's a lamb — no, it's a pig, and there's another. Oh, there's a whole flock of little pigs ! Ross. Flock of pigs, that's a good one, ha, ha ! Amy. Well, what would you say? Ross. A litter of pigs, of course. Pa. Smart chap. I tell you what he don't know about farmin' Betty. Go on, Amy, what else do you see? Amy. There's a big pig now. All the little pigs are running to the big pig. Don't they look cute ! Like a lot of tiny ants. [Holds out glass.] Do look at them, Gertrude. Gertrude [Looks through glass.] Oh, how distinctly you can see everything. I can see Mr. [Name man in audience who has a new baby.] He looks worn out, as if he had lost a great deal of sleep. Max. What do you see, Gertrude; anything beside pigs? Gertrude. [Add local color.] I see a girl with a pail going down to the barnyard. [Boys jump up to look.] Ross. That's only Katie, the Irish maid, so you fellows needn't be in such a hurry to see. Gertrude. There's a man jumping over the fence. Guess he is going to help her milk. No, he is — Why, the brute's trying to kiss her ! Bob. Run, Burton, and put a stop to the shameful pro- ceeding. Ross. Good gracious! I wouldn't dare kiss a girl within six miles of this farm for fear that glass was being leveled at me. Pa. Good resolve, my boy, stick to it! Gertrude [Offers glass to Mamie.] Do look at them, Mamie. Mamie. How much of interest there is in farm life! What a good time we will have at our house-party. I can scarcely wait for it. [Looks through glass.] ENTER Bill. Bill. I reckon you'll have to get me your gun, Mr. PA'S PICNIC. 11 i Preston, to shoot them chickens. I've chased all over this blasted farm and never ketched but one of 'em, and that's an old rooster tough as his own gizzard. Pa. Bill Rice, don't you know no better'n to break into perlite society with your chicken gizzards ? Clear out, and don't you show yourself again this side the barn-yard gate. Bill. All right, sir. That lets me out of mowin' the lawn to-day. Reckon I'll go fishin' ! [Takes out French harp and plays on it as he departs.'] Pa. That fool boy o' mine don't know enough to pound sand into a rat hole. Guess I'll have to go and thrash some sense into him [EXIT Pa. Betty. Poor Bill gets thrashed in father's mind about six times a day. Ah, here comes Ma. I want you all to meet her. ENTER Ma Preston. Ma, this is Miss Turner and her brother, of whom you have heard me speak. Ma. Yes, I ain't heard much else since you come from school. She's run on about the Turners till I felt as if I'd like to Turn 'er over my knee. Betty. We'll fine you for that pun, Ma. This is my friend Gertrude, and this is Mamie. Ma [Shakes hands with each.] I'm right glad to see you, girls. [Girls offer seat.] No, I can't set down. I've got my d'rections to carry out for that picnic that's comin' off to-morrow. Guess I'll have to set up all night to make all the goodies Pa's ordered. Betty. You must shake hands with Mr. White also; He's Bob, you know. Ma. Law, I've known Bob Whites and heard 'em screech on rail fences ever since I was old enough to try and put salt on their tails. Max. This Bob can screech all right I know, but I never have happened to catch him trying it on a rail fence. Ma. Well, he'll have to get up early in the mornin' to keep up with the other Bob Whites. I just came out to tell you your rooms are ready. Pa says you are to stay all night so as to get an early start. [Laughs.] I can see 12 PA'S PICNIC. him startin' early, but then I always try to humor him. I must go and fry those chickens now. Betty, you can show them their rooms and make everybody comfortable. Betty [Jumps up, all follow.] Come on, everybody; you can try the rooms and decide whether you will care to stay for a house-party. Mamie. Oh, I think it will be lovely to have a house- party. Gertrude. So do I, I can scarcely wait. [EXEUNT all. ACT II. Scene I. — Scene in woods, following day. Whistle back of stage represents birds and cry of crow. ENTER Betty and Ross carrying an umbrella, baskets and rain-coats. Betty [Looking around.] This will do very well. It is far prettier than any place we have seen this morning — or afternoon, I had better say, for it must be long after twelve. Oh dear, what a terrible time we have had getting started ! I hope the rest of the day will be pleasant enough to make up for all the trouble we have had. Ross. Your father didn't get started as promptly as he expected, did he? [Puts up hammock.] Betty. Oh dear, no ! He spent about three hours going from one farm to another trying to get the kind of wagon he thought proper for picnicking. When he came home at eleven without any I proposed using the old hay wagon, so he filled it with hay and hitched on the two teams which took nearly another hour. Then it looked so like rain we waited fifteen minutes to see what it was going to do; but to think of his taking us to that grove where those horrid old snakes are ! If he had only hinted where he was going we would have vetoed it at once, for every woman within fifteen miles knows that grove is alive with snakes. Ross. I wouldn't have minded the snakes. Good sport killing them, but that other place where he wanted to PAS PICNIC. 13 stop I did object to, for I am afraid to drink water out of any old ditch. Betty. I know this place and I remember there is a nice clear spring over that way. [Points l.] But there used to be hornets near there, and we'll have to be careful. You aren't afraid of them, are you? Ross. Oh no, I'm not afraid of anything. Betty. Then go and call to the people to hurry on. I'll be laying the cloth for everybody will be famished. [Spreads cloth c] Ross [Goes to R. and calls.'] Hello, come on, we've found a place. [Beclcons to come.] They are coming. [Walks back to Betty.] How did that tight wad of a Miss Blake happen to get an invite? Old friend of the family? Betty. She doesn't need an invitation ; she always goes to every picnic, invite or no invite. You have not been home summers long enough to know the queer customs of some of our country people. There is Mrs. Jenkins and her son Willie. They always go to picnics also. She came in just before we started to ask if there was room for Willie. Said she had baked some cookies and he could take a dozen of them if we would allow him to go along. Of course I said "Let him come," and both she and Willie were on hand with their little bag of cookies. Poor Willie ! He has never been allowed a day of freedom, although he must be twenty years old. I was hoping we could give him a real lark to-day, but his mother has him tied too tight to her apron strings. Ross. S'pose we bust the apron strings and let the kid loose for once. [Gathers sticks and lays fire.] ENTER Mrs. Jenkins, followed by Willie. Mrs. J. [Panting arid holding out bag of cookies.] I was scairt o' bein' too late to get my cookies here in time. My, I'm clean out o' breath. Willie, take off your hat and hang it up high on a tree. Where be a'goin' to set ? Here, Willie, you keep a'holt o' this cushion all day and be sure to set on it every time you set down. There is liable to be some dampness in the ground all summer. Where did you say to set, Miss Betty? 14 PAS PICNIC. Betty. There's no hurry, Mrs. Jenkins. You see the others haven't come yet. Where is Pa ? This is his picnic and he ought to be on hand to run things. Mrs. J. I guess things are runnin' him pretty lively down in the pasture. He tried to put his horses out to feed and some gentlemen cows took after him. I stayed long enough to see that he was going to make the barb wire fence and was safe; then we hurried along to help with the dinner. Ain't there somethin' I can be cuttin' or spreadin' ? Betty. No, this is all that can be done until the other baskets come. Here they are at last. ENTER Pa in torn clothing with baskets and rugs, followed by Mrs. Preston and Miss Blake. Pa. Great Caesar ! This is harder work than thrashin'. Like to tore all the clothes off 'n me on that confounded barb wire fence. [Drops his load and looks around.] Say, this is all right. It's just the place I had in mind. Ma. It took you long enough to discover it I think, but we'll have to make up for lost time now. Where are the sandwiches, Pa ? Pa. They are in one of them baskets you had. Ma. No, they hain't ; they must be in one of yours. Pa. No, there's only the coffee-pot, cups and canned stuff in this basket, and pies and doughnuts in that basket. Ma. Pa Preston, you've gone and left that basket of sandwiches and fried chicken to home. I'll bet a dough- nut. Pa [Takes off hat and wipes forehead nervously.] You mean you've left it at home. I set it out on the side porch where you'd be sure, to see it, and now you've gone and left it. Ma. Nobody went near the side porch except you. I s'pose that basket is still settin' there. Good gracious! think of having a picnic without sandwiches. What in creation are we goin' to do? Mrs. J. [Holding out the bag.] Never mind, Mrs. Preston, here's my cookies to fall back on. PA'S PICNIC. 15 Ma [Takes rookies.] Well, I'd just as lief lose my life one way as another. Pa. We got some coffee and pie anyhow ; I saw to get- tin' them here. I'll go for some water and you fellows start a fire. [Cry of crow.] Darn that crow. [Goes off L,.] Betty. We have the water on heating for coffee, but we'll need more. % Look out for hornets, Pa. Pa. Hornets will be just a pastime after the skirmish I've had with them bulls. Come on, one of you fellows that ain't afraid of hornets. [Ross jumps up and follows.] Ross. I'm not afraid of all the hornets going. Betty. What's become of our guests? They haven't lost the way, I hope. Ma. I reckon they fainted on the way from hunger. They began to look pale an hour ago. Ah, here they come. [Enter guests in state of collapse. Girls drop with ex- haustion and boys show in various ways that they are suffering from weakness and hunger.] Cheer up, friends, we'll have something to put some starch into you before long. I hope you will all remember this is Pa's picnic and not the way Betty and I run things. Here, Mis' Jenkins, pass your cookies to the company; they may keep 'em alive till something else is ready. [Betty offers water and tries to cheer up guests.] Mrs. J. [Hesitates.] Why, it ain't time yet to pass the cookies, is it? Ma. It's the only chance they'll ever have of bein' et, so pass 'em round. Mrs. J. [Unwillingly passes cookies. Peeps into bag and counts after each one is taken.] . Guess I'll leave a couple for Willie. He ain't used to goin' so long without his vittles. Come here, Willie, and set down by me and I'll give you a cookey. Better put on your hat; it's gettin' a little breezy. Bring your cushion. Willie [Gets up, puts on hat, carries cushion over near his mother.] Ain't I goin' to get nothin' but your ever- lastin' cookies? I wouldn't a come if I knowed I had to eat them. I've et them blamed cookies every day of my life for nineteen years. 16 PA'S PICNIC. Mrs. J. Why, Willie Jenkins ! What makes you talk so disrespectful! [Howls of pain from outside.'] Betty and Others. Hornets ! Ma. Sounds more like Pa Preston. Getting acquainted with the pests, I reckon. Come on, Willie, we'll have to go and plaster 'em up with mud. Nothin' like mud to take down the swelling [Willie jumps up to follow.] Mrs. J. No, no, Willie, don't go. You'll git stung, sure. Ma. Never you mind, now, Mis' Jenkins, let him go and have a little fun for once in his life. It will liven him up a little if he does get stung. You jest give Willie a little more rope and he'll be better off. Set down your- self on your old cushion and keep it hot till he gets back. Willie. Bully for you, Mis' Preston. I'll bet the hornets ain't any hotter than that old cushion. [EXEUNT Mrs. P. and Willie. Mrs. J. Oh, dear ! I wish't I hadn't a come. My cookies is all gone and Willie in mortal danger and no signs of any dinner yet. Betty. Never mind, Mrs. Jenkins, the coffee is ready and we'll sit down and drink some to keep us from fainting away. Come, friends, and sit down. [Guests hasten to cloth spread on ground. All sorts of accidents occur while they eat.] Mrs. J. Don't anybody set down here. I want to save this place for Willie. Poor boy, I expect he's all bet up by this time. Ain't we goin' to have any ice-cream ? Betty. I presume Pa has some somewhere, but I don't know where. Here they come. I'll ask him. ENTER Pa, Eoss and Willie all bandaged up in mud plasters, groaning and complaining , followed by Ma.] Ma. Never mind, Pa, you know a sting is the best cure for rheumatiz ; it may do you a world of good. Willie. It ain't doin' me no good as I see. Ma. Well, it gave you a chance to shake your cushion for a time. Mrs. J. Here, Willie, I'm savin' things for you. PA*& PICNIC. 17 [Shows a plate piled high and pats cushion at her side.] Poor boy, did you get stung? Willie [Kicks cushion to a distance; takes plate and sits down beside a pretty girl guest.'] Stung! you bet. [Cry of