SHE ORGANIZED A CLUB. A FARCE In Two Acts and a Prologue. H. REA WOODMAN, >j Author of "The Noahs Afloat" and "The Heart and the Grown." Copyright, 1903, by H. REA WOODMAN. PUBLISHED BY ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRANKLIN, OHIO \ To the Margaret Fuller Club of Des Moines, Iowa, for whose pleasure the fortunes of Mrs. Hillman were written. PROLOGUE Mrs. Hillman Springs the Idea. Sitting Room of the Hillman Home one Saturday night in February, 1900. "I am, my dear. I am very, very much in earnest about 'this fool club.' " ACT I Mrs. Hillman Executes thel dca. The Parlor of the Home of Mrs. Kirk- bride-Symonds, Wednesday afternoon at 3 o'clock. *'I guess it is started now. I have organ- ized a Club." ACT II Mr. Hillman Suffers the Results of the Idea. The Library of the Hillman Home one Monday morning in June, 1904. *'John vs^ill be glad. He approves of Mothers' Clubs. He said so once." CHARACTEES. Mrs. John Hillman, the Woman Who Did, Whose ambitions transcend domestic limitations. Mr. John Hillman, Only her Husband, Not an extraordinary man in any way. Mrs. William Harrison Leeborn, her Guest, A member of the Wimodausis, Washington, D. C. Miss Genevra Marie Johnston, her closest Friend, Who favors a purely literary club. Miss Elinor Hillman, her husband's Sister, Who thinks women's clubs a menace to home life. Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds, Social Promotor. Who thinks it will be 'perfectly lovely ! Dr. Elizabeth Winter, her Professional Friend. Mrs. L. Mary Gables, an Old Stager. Miss Sara Coffin Perkins, Nobody in Particular. Harriet, maid to Mrs. Hillman. PROLOGUE. * (Sitting room of the Hillman home. Mr. Hillman absorbed in the paper. Mrs. Hillman darning little stockings. The room, exquisitely neat in its appoint- ments^ its order and arrangement.) She: [after a minute'* s silent, meditative darning) They aren't so bad as last week. Totty is the hardest child on his stockings I ever saw! (darns away absently) But it's slow work, anyway; a woman's work never get's anywhere. Always the same ways, always the same things ! (pauses, needle suspended in mid-air; looks at him covertly) I guess I'd better tell him tonight. Yes, I will. Lots of women do. It isn't so awful. John! (silence) John \ He : (mildly, not looking up) My dear? She : Stop and listen to me. I — I want to tell you some- thing. He : In just a minute, my dear. Here is a most remark- able case, a most remarkable case. Listen, (reads from paper) *'In Scran ton, Vermont, a young wo- man named Sarah Adkins has been lying in a pro- found sleep — " She : What do I care? She is lucky to be able to sleep ; most women haven't time! (she darns rapidly). He : (continuing to read) "in a profound sleep for sixteen days. Her respiration is — " She : John, for pity sakes ! If you must read to me, read something I care about ! He: (resignedly) Well, what do you care about? Di- vorces? We've a new one on tap this evening. Murders? Oh, fashions! She: Fashions! That's all men think we care about! I certainly do not care about young women up in Vermont who fall into strange sleeps! Sixteen days, — she's just pretending, anyway. (5) He : (absorbed, not having heard) Here is a man who has just had a new stomach put in. Think of that ! A new stomach ! She: (sarcastically) Where does he live, — in Africa? He : The operation took just fifty-seven minutes and ten seconds and the man is as good as new. Well, that beats the Germans ! (reads) ''Yesterday, in St. Luke's hospital, one of the most creditable and re- markable operations was performed. It — " She: Don't read me extracts ! If there is anything I hate it is having people sit around and read ex- tracts ! I want you to put down that old paper and listen to me. He: Aren't you interested in the progress of science? She: I don't call that science, getting a new stomach ! I want to talk to you, I said. He: (argumentatively) But that certainly is science. Medicine is science and the advance of the science of medicine is — She: (conclusively) But 1 do not need a new stomach, so you see it is of no consequence. I want to tell you — you aren't listening! He : Go on, my dear. I am listening. She : Put down that paper ! I am not going to com- pete with the Tribune ! He : (p2Us the paper flat on the floor) Fire away ! (leans back in his chair) . She : I think, I think (impressively) I shall organize a club. He: (vaguely) K cImW She: (very flrmly) A club. He : A club. Indian club, base ball club, health club, suicide club— (6) She: A woman's club, you know. Don't be stupid. He : My dear, it is too late to make me over. You are going to organize a woman's club? "What do my ears deceive me?" as they say at the matinees? She : I am going to organize a club. He : Then my ears do not deceive me ; my acoustic properties are intact. Go on, divulge your plan. If I grasp it in driblets I may survive. She: I think I need some outside interests; something essentially intellectual. A woman gets so — sonar- row, you know, shut up in the home. Marriage is the graveyard of a woman's mentality, (she sits erect and looks determined). He: Who said that? Please repeat, — "Repeat softly." She: Marriage is the grave of a woman's mentality. He: Where did you get it? She: Get it? He: Who said it first? She : 1 have ideas of my own. I said it — first. He : No, you didn't. Some short-haired woman with tracts said it first. She: [with dignity) WomQia. do not have to have short hair to — to say things first. He : Well, that isn't here nor there. Who said that? She: (hesitatingly) Well, Mrs. Leeborn said it, then. He : I knew it ! It looks like her back hair. Well, go on. She: John, aren't you ashamed? And she is such a clever woman and your guest, too ! He : I am speaking of her in her professional capacity, you know. But go on ; why do you yearn to found a club? (7) She: A club gives one opportunity for culture, makes one's life broader — He : (ala) Mrs. Leeborn again ! I am sick and tired of that word 'culture' ! She : O yes, of course you are ! You want to keep us housed up like the greasy old Turks do ! He: The Turks aren't so slow. They have solved *The Woman Question' ! She : Solved it? Locking women up in cages, — muffling 'em in veils ! You call that a solution ! {looks un- speakable things) Anyway, I shall organize a club. He: (taking oj^ his eye-glasses) Now, let us look at this matter reasonably. First, you want 'intellect- ual culture', — is that the technical term? Thank you. Now the house is full of books, but I'll buy a publishing house — She: Oh, books! What are just books? What I want is contact with people of brains — experience. One must come in contact with intelligent and progres- sive women — He: * 'Progressive women !" A lot of gad-abouts who neglect their homes and wear be-drabbled skirts ! (she darns in silence). Aren't there any women's clubs in town? She: Yes, eight. He : (with finality, picking up the paper) Seven too many now. Join six of them, why don't you? Why create more trouble? Shel: have a better plan in mind than any of them, that's why! He : Oh, I see. You pine for some new variety, some boundless contiguity of club shade, as it were. Is it something unique in the annals of club venture ? (8) She: It is easy to ridicule. Anybody can do that! He : I am not ridiculing. I am trying to understand, with my poor, weak man's mind- She : Don't be sarcastic! You can't imagine how ugly your mouth looks! He: I don't care. It is my mouth. She: It certainly is ! Only a cannibal would own it! I wouldn't get mad if I were you ! He : I am not mad. That is always a woman's stock argument ! She: And a man's stock argument is sarcasm! Don't rustle your paper so ! It makes me nervous ! He : {large-mindedly) I beg your pardon. Drive on with your cultivator, my dear. She: (^meekly) Well, dear, you see we women are in the house so much that we lose all sense of proportion. We become little and — and hard. Only contact with the great world can give us breadth and sym- pathy. We must get out. He: Get out, — get out? As if you didn't ! The streets are impassable for women now ! She: (severely) It is all very well for you to tell us to stay in and attend to the house, but how would you like it? Shut in four walls, day and night? You would go crazy! {he opens his mouth to speah, then shuts it determedly) . I do get so tired of the house ! Just always doing the same old things ! Sorting soiled clothes, putting away clean ones, making desserts, replacing broken dishes, wrang- ling with the cook, — just the same things over! And darning stockings ! Sometimes I get so tired of stockings I never want to see a s-stocking again. He: {looking at her anxiously) Organize ten clubs if it will make you any happier! I didn't know you (9) were so miserable. She '. I am not miserable. I never said I was. Only I want variety. He: Why, your life is a vaudeville, a continuous per- formance I Talk about variety, — what do you cal3 five cooks in two months? She; You're making fun of my ideas. I call that awfully mean! He ; No I'm not. I only mean your life is a Wild West show compared to mine. You women don't know your advantages, clamoring for variety. Well, we'll buy an elephant or tiger ; I'll do anything, — any- thing. But (soothingly) you are tired tonight, my dear. She : I am not tired I Whenever I show a mind of my own, you say I am tired and pet me. You want us to be babies or — or p-puppets ! He; {with sudden light) Where have you been to-day, you women? She: {wearily) Oh, everywhere. We went to two re- ceptions; horrid affairs, all crowded and stuffy! I just believe Mrs. Leeborn got her headache at Mrs. Merrill's. It was such a crush ! He : Is that all? She : And we did some shopping, — just a little. He: {patiently) Is that all? She : Yes, or no, no. Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds gave a morning musicale. We dropped in there for an hour. He: Your nerves are fringed. I thought so. Talk about getting out; there hasn't a business man in town covered that much ground today. Where did you lunch? She : At Green's. (10) He : {sloivly) What did you have? She: Why? He: A woman lunches on all sorts of fluffy gim cracks and by eight o'clock she has— tantrums. 8he : (straightens up) Tantrums ! He : Well, she sees visions and dreams dreams. She : The idea of a club has been in my mind for weeks ; luncheon hadn't anything to do with it. He: It aggravated the trouble, no doubt. It is all a matter of nerves. You haven't time for a club. Attend to your house. She : Oh yes, that is the way to keep women from com- petition ! Pen 'em up in the houses ! He : My dear, that is a compliment to your sex. She : We don't want compliments ; we want our natural rights. He: (with a low long whistle) ''Natural rights" ! By the Cocked Hat of George Washington! Your natural rights! Madam President, I rise for in- formation. What are the Natural Eights of Women? She : To breathe fresh air the same as you men, of course. Anyway, I shall organize a club. Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds is very enthusiastic. He: You bet she is. Her enthusiasm is always on tap. She: {folding stockings) And so is Mrs. Gables. He : So Mary Ann Gabbles is enlisted in the good cause ! Then it'll go like an automobile — until it blows up ! Dear Sister Gabbles, she is a very paragon of an agitator! (a silence \ she folds stockings^ he drums idly on the table) Say, you aren't in earnest about this fool club, are you? She : {slowly^ patiently ^ definitely) I am, my dear. I (11) am very, very much in earnest about 'this fool club'. He: (miserably) So it has come at last. I am to have a wife like other men have. Heretofore, my love, you have been unique. Where shall we board? She: Board? We,-— board? He : The house cannot run itself, you know, and I am no cook. She: [rising and beginning to set things Ho rights^) I guess I can run a club and a house, too. Hundreds of women do. He: (grinning sadly) Oh jes, run 'em, but whereto? And what's to become of the children, poor little kids? She : (fluffing up sofa cushions) I shall not cease to love my children because I begin to use my head. He : And I shall not cease to be cheerful although I see my finish ! When is the — the first breaking of home ties? She: I don't know what you mean. He: The temporary-chairman, provisional-committee fracas? She : Oh, next Wednesday ; next Wednesday at three o'clock. He: Then, ''Farewell, happy fields, Where joy forever dwells! Hail horrors, hail. Infernal world ! And thou, prof oundest Hell — " She: John! He: (raving about) " — And thou profoundest hell. Receive thy new possessor ! One who brings A mind not to be changed by place or time. The mind is— " She : (severely) John, what is the matter with you? (12) He : That's only Milton, my dear. He was an exam- plary husband and father, though they do say his first wife clubbed him. It's Satan's farewell to Heaven. I consider it very appropiate. She: {moving towards the door) I don't see it myself. I'm going up stairs. When you are done raving about, turn out the lights. Harriet has gone to bed. And be careful of Mrs. Leeborn's trunk; you have fallen over it every night since she came. He: (crossly) Well, it oughtn't to be in the hall! She : (firmly) It is in the hall and you must get used to it. (she goes, carrying stockings) He : (solus, hunting a match) Rum old address, that farewell of Satan's. I know how he felt. '* — One who brings A mind not to be changed by place or time. The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." (he lights a cigar.) *'What matter where, if — if — what matter where, if—" She : (from above) John, when you come up, bring my manicure scissors, — the little curved ones. And is my side-comb anywhere? I dropped ifr; be care- ful how you step. The scissors are on the table, I guess, — or on the mantel. You find 'em. He : (grimly, looking around, but standing still) The time WILL come when we cannot find the table. (very loud) Yes, my dear ! (13) ACT 1. Mrs. Leeborn Mrs. Hillman; Mrs. Leeborn : Mrs. Hillman : Hostess : Mrs. Hillman Hostess Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Leeborn; Mrs. Hillman (Mrs. Kirkhride-Symonds'' parlor, Wed- nesday afternoon at three o^clock. Room quietly ^^swelV in its appointments. Mrs. Kirkhride-Symonds, Mrs. Hillman and Mrs Leeborn) (with importance but resignation) Yes, there is a great deal of the formal organ- ization to be gone through with, do the best one can, you know. Couldn't we have a club without consti- tutions and by-laws and things? They scare me awfully! (solemnly) No, my dear, most certainly not. That is, if you want a permanent organization. If you don't— (hastily) Oh, of course it must be perma- nent. Yes, of course it must be permanent and and we'll have to have a charter — A — a charter? Yes, a charter from the state, you know* (quite scared) The state! Oh gracious, I did not know that! I thought just corpor- ations had to have charters and — and street cars ! I can't get any, — I don't know how. You do not have to get it; the club will attend to that. Can't we do anything today without one? Why didn't you tell me about the — the charter? (reproachfully to Mrs. Leeborn) John could have got one for me ; men know all about these things. Why didn't you tell me, Caroline? (14) Mrs. Leeborn Mrs. Hillman Hostess Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Leeborn Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Leeborn Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins We have to organize first. We do not need it to-day. (relaxing) Oh, well then, it doesn't mat- ter to-day. No, not now, but we must get one later. This club must become a permanent fea- ture, you know, — a force in our intellec- tual life. Your name will be famous, Mrs. Hillman. (a bell rings) There are some recruits! (leaves the room). (ill at ease) But I don't see why we must do the same old things. For a literary club, a club which has no distinctly soci- alistic aims — It is quite the same, quite the same. You must organize thoroughly. Everything depends upon the organization. Why, ^*« the Wimodausis — m Mrs. Hillman (meekly but hopefully) But the Wimodau- sis has such entirely different aims, my dear. (largely) The Wimodausis, my dear, is the only club that — (Enter the Hostess loith Miss Perkins.) (rising) Well, I'm glad you came, very glad. I've been wondering if you would forget. Forget ! I guess not. I am very anxious to have a really literary clab in this town, a club that will do some work. There isn't a single club that works, actually works. I think this is a splendid idea! (Highly gratified) I am glad you feel so, I am sure. (15) Miss Perkins : Mrs, Leeborn : Miss Perkins : Hostess : Mrs. Hillman: Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman Hostess : Mrs. Leeborn : Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins : Hostess : Miss Perkins Yes, and there are others. It will take like wild-fire ! That's what I told her, Miss Perkins. It will be a very popular movement. And she said if you would help — Oh, I'm glad to help you out. Of course Miss Perkins will help you out. And she is the very one. I'll need helping out, I'm sure of that. I positively feel faint- Now, for pity sakes, don't get nervous. We will all help you. It really isn't a hard thing to do, you know, — ^just organize. (weakly) No, of course not — just organ- ize. No, it isn't hard, only tedious. That's what I've been telling her, that it really isn't anything. I've had to keep her braced up all week. Oh Caroline, don't! (making a dive for a cushion on an oppo- site couch) What a lovely cushion? So unique ! May I copy it ! It is so hard to get anything new in pillows! Who would have thought of that? Nobody but Mrs.Kirkbride-Symonds. She always thinks of the most lovely things ! (examining cushion closely) Is it hard to do? It IS lovely, I declare! It is very easy and very simple, you see. Just a simple cat-stitch, very, very fine. But it is rather effective, I think. Very effective, very ! (16) Mrs. Leeborn Mrs. Hillman: Miss Perkins: Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins; Mrs. Hillman: Hostess ; Miss Perkins Hostess : Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins Mrs. Leeborn; Miss Perkins Hostess : Miss Perkins Mrs. Leeborn : So effective! And the work looks very elaborate. Doesn't it? I've been making some new ones of handkerchiefs. Yes, they're very sensible. After all, give me something that will wash. Where do you get the handkerchiefs? At Norton's. Lovely ones for ten cents. Ten cents! That's awfully cheap. Are they cotton? No, — or yes, silkaleen, you know. In all shades. The most lovely shades ! You can get them at the Hub for eight cents. The same kind? Yes, they're the same, but the Hub is al- ways so crowded. And such cheap people go there. I would rather pay ten cents at Norton's any day. So would I. I shall certainly get some. I don't get much time, what with clubs and Orphan's Homes and things, I keep on the Jump. But there are odd moments, you know. Yes, I've heard of odd moments but I've never seen any. Who was that woman who made bread and rocked the cradle and read deep books, all at once? Nobody ever did. That's a campaign story. It was Lucretia — Lucretia What's Her Name, — that pretty Quakeress, oh, you (17) Miss Perkins Mrs. Hillman : Miss Perkins Mrs. Leeborn Misa Perkins Mrs. Hillman Hostess : Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman ; Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Perkins : Mrs. Leeborn Miss Perkins ; Hostess : Mrs. Hillman all know. Mott,tIrat's it. Lucretia Mott^ of Philadelphia. She must have been a wonderful woman ;; Barnum could have made two fortune© with her. Did he know her? She was born before his day, wasn't she ? Hard lines for Barnum ! husband? Did she have a Yes, I think so. O yes, he was a preacher. [with decision) That accounts for her having to do six things at once! (a clock somewhere strikes four) Why, is that four o'clock? {starting) It is four o'clock ! Oughtn't we to commence? That clock is fast. We keep it for Alger- non to go to school by. {each one consults her watch), I have twelve minutes to four. It is a quarter to four. And we were to meet at three! {looks dignified disapproval.) {dropping cushion she has been studying at intervals) Let^s commence? I think we had better. There is a good deal to do. And it must be done to-day. I am crazy to get the club started. Let's wait until four o'clock. {a hell- rings clamorously) There are the girls, {she goes) {shifting the loose papers and hooks on her lap uneasily) Oh, I am so nervous! (18) Mrs. Leeborn: * Mrs. Hillman : Miss Perkins: Mrs. Hillman: Miss Hillman: Hostess : Miss Hillman: Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman: Miss Hillman : Hostess : Mrs. Hillman: Miss Hillman : Miss Perkins : Miss Johnston ; Hostess : Mrs. Hillman : [with spacious assurance) You needn't be. These things run themselves. [with a little gasp) Oh, I wish to goodness they did! Well, keep your head ! {Enter Miss Hillman^ Miss Johnston and th^ Hostess). Why, Elinor, we didnH expect you! How do you do, Marie? (grimly) It's my duty, I suppose, to know what's going on in the family. Besides, I've never seen a club — manufactured. "Manufactured" is good. Concocted, then. Why not created? Made out of nothing, you know. It's nice of you to come, anyway. I ap- preciate it. Oh, it's being in the family, you know, made a difference. I think we've never had a club in our family. (gracefully) Then your making history. How very interesting ! (almost in tears) You're making fun of me! No I'm not, but it is a departure, you know. Speaking of departure, let's begin. (who has been talking the Mrs. Leeborn) Let's! (to Mrs. Hillman) Shall we begin? (arranging papers nervously) Y-e-s, — yes indeed, (a moment of expectant silence) (19) Yes, let's begin. (Mrs. Hillman rise& stiffly and stands behind her chair) LadieSy you all know — that is, we have talked over — or decided to have (she drops '•Rob- erf s Rules\ which Miss Johnston recov- ers) Oh, thane: you! We have met to- gether for the purpose — Miss John&ton : Sounds like a wedding; 'Dearly beloved^ we are assembled together — ' Hush, Marie ! Go on, Mrs. Hillman. (with an effort) We are here for — to — to decide upon — (cutting in luith decision) We all know what we are here for. What's the use? That's what I say. There's no questioB what we're here for. We all know. We've talked of nothing else for two weeks 1 Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman ; Miss Perkins : Miss Johnston Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Johnston ; Mrs. Leeborn: Hostess I Miss Johnston ; Miss Perkins : Miss Johnston Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman r Hostess : Mrs. Hillman: It is the accepted form. Who cares for forms? I hate 'em! But if we are going to effect an organiza- tion, we must proceed in a— a legal man- ner. (rising) I move that Miss Perkins act a© temporary chairman. I second the motion. I do not think I am — Oh yes, you are. You're just the one, I don't think that — Oh PLEASE do ! (to Mrs, Hillman) You put the motion. You have heard the movement. All in favor signify by saying I, (20) Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman: Miss Johnston : Hostess : Miss Perkins : Hostess : Miss Perkins : Miss Johnston : Mrs. Hillman : Miss Johnston : Mrs. Hillman ; All; Mrs. Hillman ; Miss Johnston Mrs. Hillman Hostess : Miss Perkins : Miss Perkins : ' Mrs. Hillman: Aren't you going to give time for re- marks? (vaguely) Remarks? Nobody has any remarks to make. Ques- tion ! (smiling on Miss Perkins) I call for the question ! (rising) Madam Chairman,! wish to say — (still smiling archly)! call for the question ! I do not feel that I am — I call for the question! Question! (very much frightened) All in the favor of the — the movement — of Miss Perkins being president — (very gently) Chairman. Of Miss Perkins being — I mean acting as chairman, signify by saying I. (in cresendo) I! I! I! (shutting ^Boherfs Bules^) It is carried. Miss Perkins, you are — ■ Temporary chairman. Miss Perkins, you are It. (with official exactness) Miss Perkins is elected Temporary Chairman. (playfully) Speech! Speech! (everybody applauds) (rising gravely) Ladies, what is your further pleasure? (silence) (more gravely) What is the business be- fore us, ladies.? (desperately) Oughtn't we to have a — a secretary, don't you think? (21) Miss Johnston : Hostess : Miss Hillman : Miss Johnston : Mrs. Hillman : Miss Hillman : Mrs. Leeborn Miss Hillman : Miss Johnston : Miss Perkins : All Miss Johnston Miss Hillman Miss Johnston Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Hillman : Miss Perkins: Mies Hillman Yes, let's have a corresponding — Of course. I move Miss Hillman — Oh no, please excuse me ! [agreeably) Lady doesn't want to be moved. [imploringly) O yes, Elinor, do — please! It'll be so nice to have you ! I don't — I do not, I mean, I do not want — Oh yes, my dear, you will. I second the nomination. (struggling to her feet, Miss Johnston holding her down) Really, ladies, I have never begin — been, I mean — Question ! Question ! All in favor of Miss Hillman acting as Secretary, signify — (Jubilantly) I ! I! There, now will you be good? Oh dear me, I am elected ! I have never been elected before. Isn't it queer! I haven't any pencil or paper. (Mrs. Hill- man supplies both) Do I need a table? (looks helplessly around), (rising) Tsike my chair, (drops her furs) . (rises, dropping gloves aiid pochetbooh) No, take this chair. (sinks into chair nearest the table) Oh, thank you ! (picks up Miss Johnston'' s furs) I am ready, I guess, (prepares to write) What is it that I am to put down? Everything that we do. Do? (22) Miss Perkins : Miss Hillman : Miss Johnston : Hostess : Miss Johnston : Mies Hillman : Miss Johnston : Miss Hillman : Miss Johnston: Miss Hillman : Mrs. Leeborn: Miss Johnston : Miss Hillman Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Johnston : Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Johnston I mean all that we say. I am not a phonograph ! (bell rings) There's the bell, Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds ! I hope that is Mrs. Gables. She promised to come, (goes out with much rustling) Now, let's proceed to name the club. That'll be fun! (looking super -naturally attentive) Do I put that down? What? What you said? What did I say? O, no you needn't put that down. Just important things. (anxiously) How am I to tell what is im- portant? Just the necessary, — the vital things you know. You can tell. It's easy. Only motions and things like that. Oh, thank you ! The next thing is the appointment of a committee for — Do we have to have that old committee tape in this club? (turns to Mrs. Hill- man) I am dead tired of that sort of thing. Why, of course committees are necessary, aren't they, Mrs. Leeborn? (with large patience) My dear Miss John- ston, the club idea — (recklessly) Who cares for the 'club idea' ! Let's have a new one , — I adore new ideas ! (23) Miss Hillman (^0 Miss Hillman, who is writing very fast) You needn't put any of this down. (sinks back) Oh, thank you. (SJnter Mrs. Gables, Dr. Winter and the Hostess). Mrs. Gables : [affably ^nodding and ducking about) Well, fellow-conspirators, how far you got? Not very far. You are late. Yes, we're awfully late. I had to stop at the hospital. Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter Miss Hillman and Miss Johnston Dr. Winter : Mrs. Gables Miss Johnston : Miss Hillman Miss Perkins : Dr. Winter Mrs. Gables: Miss Perkins : Mrs. Leeborn : Hostess ; > Who's sick? Only an accident ; man fell off a telegraph pole. Broke all the bones he had, — positively! Horrors ! And he has a wife and eleven children, I suppose ! Such men are al- ways falling off high places. They shouldn't let such men go up telegraph poles ! (chewing her pencil absently) Of course he will die? (stiffly) Ladies, let us have order ! Oh I BEG your pardon. You have com- menced. Excuse me ! Let the ball proceed ! (more graciously) The next thing is the appointment of a committee to draft a constitution. (rising) Madam Chairman, I think the next thing is a name for the club. Yes, let's select a name now. I move- (24) Miss Johnston: Mrs. Gables : Mrs. Leeborn: Miss Jolinston : Dr. Winter: Mrs. Hillman : Miss Johnston : Hostess : Mrs. Gables: Mts. Leeborn : Miss Perkins : Mrs. Hillman : Mrs. Gables Miss Perkins Mrs. Gables Miss Perkins Miss Johnston Let's! I think The Classic Study would be a nice name. But it is not decided that we'll study the classics! Madasn Chairman, the matter of a name is better handled by a committee. In the Wimodausis — (promptly veering) I move a constitution committee be appointed. The name of the club will be in the constitution. Let the committee decide. The name of the club is of minor import- ance. Let us — I don't think the committee ought to de- cide everything ! The committee report to us, you know. We really decide. [rising quickly) I object to the commit- tee's deciding! So do 1 ! I move that we proceed to se- lect a name for the club. Madam Chairman, I second the motion. There is a motion before the house. No, there isn't. {rising in haste and dropping her gloves and stole) There is no motion before the house. Have I the floor? There is a motion before the house. (grimly) Whose? Miss Johnston moved — (looking up from memoranda she is writ- ing) Yes, Madam Chairman, I sure did but there wasn't any second. (25) Dr. Winter : Mrs. Gables : Miss Perkins : Hostess : Miss Perkins : Mrs. Gables : Miss Perkins : Mrs. Gables Miss Johnston Mrs. Gables Hostess Miss Perkins Dr. Winter Miss Perkins Miss Hillman I move as a substitute motion — (still standing) Madam Chairman, have I the floor? Mrs. Kirkbride-^ymonds has a motion. No, I haven't. I didn't make it. I was only going to. All right. Ladies, you have heard the motion ; all in favor — (with much coldness) Madam Chairman, have I the floor? (sitting down) You seem to have, Mrs Gables. Proceed. I wish to make a few remarks on my mo- tion. The matter of a name can not be left in the hands of a constitution com- mittee. It ought to be done by itself; the name is a very important thing. I think a naming committee should be ap- pointed to report at this meeting. And any one who desires can hand the com- mittee the names they would like to sug- gest. It will take all day to decide on a — Your motion did not say a committee. Well, I meant a committee, anyway. I call for the motion. (rising) All in favor of the motion — What is the motion? The Secretary will please read the motion. (starting) I beg your pardon. I forgot I was Secretary. I haven't the motion. Miss Perkins: (coldly) You must get the motions, Miss Hillman. Fortunately, I remember the motion. It has been moved and carried, (26) Mrs. Leeborn: Mrs. Hiilman : Mrs. Leeborn: Miss Johnston Mrs. Leeborn : Dr. Winter Miss Johnston : Dr. Winter: Miss Johnston : Miss Hiilman : Mrs. Leeborn : Dr. Winter : Mrs. Gables Miss Johnston Miss Perkins Miss Hiilman moved and seconded, I should say, that we now proceed to select a name for the club. Are there any remarks? (rises very formally) It will take less time, Madam Chairman , to select a name by this method. What method? To name it now. (sharply) Name what, the club or the committee? To name the committee now. Madam Chairman, I think if we all had some say in selecting the name, it would be more democratic. If there is anything kills interest, it is having committees do everything. Right you are, Doc. Your head's level. But what can you do? Do? What do you mean? Everybody wants it done by a committee ; what can you do? : But it takes time ! : (maj ester tally) Of course it takes time to to organize a club. Rome wasn't built in a day. : I move as a substitute motion — : Motion before the house ! Question! : Question ! Question ! : Ladies, are you ready for the motion? : (aside to 3Irs. Kirkbride-Symonds) I think The Leisure Club would be a pretty name. (27) Miss Johnston Mrs. Gables: Miss Hillman : Dr. Winter Miss Perkins Mrs. Hillman Miss Perkins : Mrs. Gables : Mrs. Leeborn : Miss Johnston Mrs. Gables: Miss Perkins : Mrs. Gables : Miss Johnston : Mrs. Gables : Dr. Winter : Miss Perkins : {aside to Mrs. Hillman) Wouldn't The Classic Study Club be pretty? I do not know which I like best. But Classic Study sounds sort of distinguished, don't you think } It is very important that we have a name of some dignity. * 'Leisure Hour" doesn't seem like work. It isn't strenuous enough for Mrs. Gables ! {consulting watch) I call for the question ! Yes, ladies, let us have order. All in favor of selecting the name — When? Today? All in favor of selecting a name immedi- ately- — {a maid appears at the door and beckons Mrs. Kirkhride-Symonds out) Ladies, your attention ! All in favor of selecting a name immediately — That is not the way the motion reads. I thought Mrs. Gables meant appoint a committee. It's near enough. Go on, Miss President. {rising wrathfully) That wasn't my idea at all ! {changing her position wearily) What wasn't? To select a name in the way you mean. Question ! Question ! My motion meant — {winking at Miss Johnston) Question! {hastily) All in favor signify by saying I. (28) (Mrs, Gables sits toith a thud, disgusted.) All: (in varying degrees of enthusiasm) II I! Dr. Winter : (springing to her feet) I move a commit- tee be appointed to select a list of names and report to us immediately. A com- mittee of two. Mrs. Hillman: (helplessly) When? Now? Miss Perkins : (pounding on the table) Let the lady ex- plain her motion. Dr. Winter : I am waiting for a second, Madam Chair- man. Miss Johnston : If she means report at the next meeting I second the motion. Dr. Winter: (^ar%) I don't mean that. I said what I meant. Miss Johnston : Then I don't. I make a motion— -(Mrs. KirTcbride-Symonds comes rustling in, whispers to Mrs. Gables who tip-toes out with broadcast apologies) I make a mo- tion — Mrs. Leeborn : I second the motion, Madam Chairman. Miss Johnston : There isn't time to-day. Miss Hillman : Why, how can we decide to-day? I haven't an idea what I want. Hostess : Neither have I. I move we wait. Dr. Winter: (rising) Then let somebody who has an idea talk! (Mrs, Kirkbride-Symonds glares) There are people who know what they want. If we are going to get any- where — Mrs. Hillman: (in surprise) Why, I think we are getting along very nicely ! (29) Mrs. Leeborn : It is no light task to organize a club. (speaks to Mrs. Eillman aside) Hostess: (sarcastically) Of course, so long as there are people who haven't any ideas — Miss Perkins: (pounding hard on the table) Ladies, will you pay attention to the business? It has been moved — Miss Johnston : Oh my goodness, it's five o'clock ! I've got a dinner date! Miss Hillman : So that's it ! I wondered what your rush was, Marie. Miss Johnston : I've got to go and I move a substitute motion that we — I mean the Chair — ap- point a committee of three to draft a con- stitution. Dr. Winter : You can't make a substitute motion about something different ! Miss Johnston : can, too. I can move whatever I want to! Mrs. Leeborn: (to Mrs. Hillman) The motion wasn't seconded anyway. Dr. Winter: She can't! I appeal to the Chair. Miss Johnston : I just can move a substitute motion ! Madam President — Dr. Winter: I appeal to the Chair! Miss Perkins : I rule the substitute out. Miss Johnston : The very idea ! I appeal from the decis- ion of the Chair, so there ! (General consternation. Murmurs of *'0 my goodnessp'' and ^^How meanp^ and ^^Well, did you ever!^^) Miss Perkins: (calmly) The Chair is unable to decide and will ask Mrs. Leeborn. (80) Mrs. Leeborn : I'm sure I don't know, — don't ask me ! I t think she can't, though. Miss Perkins: {with much gravity) The Chair rules she can't. We will now vote on the question. Miss Johnston : {putting on her gloves) Vote it down ! Vote it down ! Miss Perkins : All in favor of a committee to draft a constitution — Dr. Winter: That's not the motion. That is the substi- tute ruled out. Miss Perkins : {with dignity) The Chair stands corrected. All in favor of a committee to select a name say I. All: I! No! No! No! Miss Perkins : The motion is lost. {Re-enter Mrs, Gables with elaborate effort to be quiet,) Mrs. Gables : Where are you at? Miss Johnston : Where you left us. Now, my motion, — about the constitution, you know. Mrs. Gables: What was your motion, Maria? Miss Hillman : It is too late to discuss that. Miss Johnston: Don't discuss it, then. Second it. Mrs. Leeborn: I second the motion, {to Mrs. Hillman) We might as well rush it through. Mrs. Hillman: {to Mrs. Leeborn) We ought to have all the committees appointed, oughtn't we? So they can get to work right away? Miss Perkins : Ladies, it is getting late. Let us pay at- tention to business. All in favor say I. Mrs. Gables: Madam Chairman, what is the motion? (31) Miss Johnston : It's all right, Mrs. Gables, vote yes. Question ! Miss Perkins : All in favor — Miss Johnston : I! I! Miss Perkins : (rapping smartly with pencil) Let us have a full vote, please. All in favor say 1. All: {in splendid chorus) I! Miss Perkins : (smiling approval) How shall the com- V mittee be appointed? Miss Johnston : (looking at her watch) You. Dr. Winter : By the Chair. Miss Perkins: (sizing them up rapidly) I appoint Mrs. Leeborn — Mrs. Leeborn : No, as I do not live here, I think — Miss Hillman : Yes, do. You are such a help ! Miss Johnston : (guilessly) You have had so much exper- ience in the Wimodausis, you know. Miss Perkins : I appoint Mrs. Leeborn, Miss Hillman and Mrs. Gables. (Miss Hillman rises hut is pulled down by Mrs. Gables), Mrs. Gables: (triumphantly) Drive on, Miss Hillman will serve, (a murmur rises, everybody talking to her neighbor. The Hostess puts up two window shades and opens a reg- ister). Miss Perkins : Is there anything further, ladies? Hostess: I move that when we adjourn we adjourn to meet next Wednesday afternoon at 4 o'clock. Dr. Winter : Make it 3 o'clock. Hostess: All right, at 3 o'clock; to meet at 3 o'- clock. Madam Chairman. (32) ^rs. Gables: Hostess : Miss Hillman : Hostess : Mrs. Gables: Mrs. Hillman: Mrs. Leeborn : Hostess Miss Johnston : Mrs. Gables : Dr. Winter: Miss Hillman ; Hostess ; Mrs. Hillman: Hostess : Mrs. Hillman; Miss Johnston ; Wednesday? Why, that is the day of Mrs. Edmondson's reception. I want to go. So it is. I had forgotten, I'm booked for the dining room. Yes, I want to go. I wouldn't miss it for anything. They say her new rugs are magnificent. Oh, they are,— perfectly beautiful! They are all in reds and browns, you know, the richest shades ! I haven't been there since the house was remodeled. Everyone is talking about the woodwork. Let's meet before the reception. That wouldn't give us time. The next meeting is very important. Oh no, one feels so mussy to sit around in one's reception gown. And I can't transact business in my best gown. I get all mixed. Nor I. I keep looking for refreshments. {affably) Law of association, I presume. You feel hungry in your dinner gown. Let's meet after the reception. I can't. I'm going to dinner at Mrs, Mitchell's. There won't be time. You're going, aren't you, Mrs. Hillman? Yes, I was, but I am anxious to meet. You can meet without me. No we can't. The idea! Not much we can't. (33) Mrs. Gables Hostess : Mrs. Gables: Miss Johnston : Mrs. Gables Miss Johnston : Mrs. Leeborn : Dr. Winter : You are the heart of the enterprise, my Brutus ! Then how would it do to meet in the morning? Cut the Wednesday Club for once. I will. T can't cut. I'm on the program. What are you going to do, — Current Events? No, a paper on "The Problem of Child Labor as related to Juvenile Crime." (with a short, curt whistle) Well, I guess we'll excuse you from any further effort! (candidly) That is a very large subject, is it not? The Wednesday Ciub deals with tremen- dous questions. That's comparatively light for them. But where shall we meet next? I have to go. Miss Perkins: (pou7iding on the table) Let us have order. We can never fix a time to suit everybody. You have all heard the motion, — Ladies, please give us your attention ! Hostess ; Miss Perkins Miss Johnston Miss Perkins : Miss Johnston Miss Perkins I change the motion to Wednesday morn- ing at 10 o'clock. All in favor — At my house. It's central. (Talks aside to Mrs. Hillman) . (shrilly) All in favor, signify — (to Mrs. Gables) You can come late, you know. That's why I suggest my house. Ladies, the meeting is not yet adjourned. Let us finish the business. It is getting (34) late and soni« of the ladies have to go. All in favor say I. (in straggling chorus)ll Yes! Where shall we meet? V You can meet with me. If there is no objections — are no objection — -we will meet with Miss Johnston, 12 — ■ what is your number, Miss Johnston? (no answer. Miss Johnston is talking to Mrs. Gables) Miss Johnston, what is your number? Miss Johnston: (standing, adjusting her wraps) I thought everybody knew. 1128 Forest Avenue, 1128. All: Mrs. Hillman : Dr. Winter: and Miss Johnston : Miss Perkins: Miss Perkins Miss Hillman: Then it is understood, (puts on her furs) (looking up from paper) Do T keep these — these Minutes? Miss Johnston: (starting to go) You all know the house, 1128 Forest Avenue, the first street west of Chestnut, you know. All of you come,— I'll make some fudge. So long. I have just fifteen minutes to dress, (goes) (rising) Move we adjourn! (The Hostess goes into the hall) Second. I thought we were adjourned. There was a motion. Mrs, Gables ; Miss Hillman Mrs. Hillman: Miss Perkins Mrs. Leeborn: (putting on her gloves) That was when we adiourn. All in favor — (to Mrs, Hillman) You did beautifully, my dear, beautifully. (35) Dr. Winter: (to Mrs. Hillman) Congratulations, It's started O. K. Good bye, everybody. Come on, Miss Perkins, if yon're going my way, (they go out together), Mrs. Gables: (to Mrs. Hillman) Yes, one would think you had organized lots of clubs. Mrs. Hillman: (flushed loith success) No, this is my first. I was really awfully frightened. I hope it will be a success. Mrs. Gabl«s : It canH help but be, such a brilliant start. Oh, has Doctor gone? I wanted to see her. (she hurries out) Miss Hillman: You did very well. It is hard, isn't? (Me-enter Mrs. Kirkhride-Symonds) Hostess : A perfect success, my dear, a perfect success. Everything went off beautifully \ Mrs. Leeborn: Yes, bidn't it? Mrs. Hillman : (sinking into a big cushiony chair) I guess it is started now. I have organized a club I ;a6) ACT II. Harriet : Mrs. Hillman : Harriet Mrs. Hillman: Harriet ; Mrs. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman (The Library of the Hillman home one Monday morning in June, 190^. The room in confusion\ a child^s garment hanging downward from a chair. Mrs, Hillman in untidy tvrapper writing at her littered desk.) (Enter Harriet.) (with great timidity) Mrs. Hillman? (without looking up) Well? Lady to see you in the parlor. (not looking up) Who is it? Mrs. Gables. She wants to see you just a minute. Yes, I know what she wants. How do I look? Bring her up. (Harriet goes,) She'll have to come up, I suppose. Good heavens, this room ! (She springs up, snatches the child^s garment and folds it hastily) If I go down she'll stay a year. But this room is perfectly awful ! Well, it's Monday morning and she'll un- derstand, (picks up things discriminatety) Besides, hers looks as bad if not worse. (attempts to smooth her hair.) (Harriet opens the door for Mrs. Gables.) Good morning, Mrs. Gables, I'm glad to see you. Won't you sit down? No, I thank you, I really can't stay. (sits comfortably) I'm awfully busy this morning, selling tickets to fehe Orphans' Home Concert. Have you bought yours? Yes, somebody sold John four. He says (37) he wishes he were an orphan, 'em out. he'd board Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables; Mrs. Hillman ; Mrs. Gables: Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables: Mrs. Hillman ; Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman ; Mrs. Gables: Men do not understand these things. So far as they are concerned, the orphans and widows might die on the mountains, — Greenland's icy ones, at that. That's so, but it is a lot of work for you ladies. It is. I've worked like a Turk all Spring. Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds is selling the boxes, you know. Is she? Then it'll be a success. She is a marvel and she does it all so easily. She has a positive talent for getting on with people. Yes, she has. What would this town do without her? By the way, I came to ask about — Yes, I know you did. I haven't done it. (leaning hack) The report ought to be in to-morrow. (anxiously) To-morrow? Does the commit- tee meet then? I thought it was Friday. Friday? Why, all the plans will be com- plete by Friday. What are you thinking about? It's tomorrow, — Tuesday. First they wanted it Wednesday, but Mrs. Mil- lar has a reception on Wednesday and she couldn't. (starting) Mrs. Millar? What has she to do with it? She? Why, woman, she's president. No, she isn't. Mrs. Mitchell is president. (gently hut very Jirmly) Mrs. Millar, Mrs. (38) Mrs. Hillman Mrs, Gables Mrs, Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables J. Thompson Millar is President of the City Federation. Oh yes, of the City Federation. I'm talk- ing of the Monday club. (graciously) Oh, Mrs. Mitchell is Presi- dent of the Monday Club. What has that to do with your report? You don't report to the Monday club ; you report to the City Federation. I do? Oh, gracious, I am always so scared to report to the Federation! And then anything but a report. They are always so stupid. Yes, but a report is a report ; nobody ex- pects them to be very brillant. And then nobody ever listens. Miss Perkins always does and she pounces on you like a hawk the very minute you stop reading. But I didn't know it was to be ready for to-morrow. (nodding with energy) To-morrow, at my house. Well, I can't get it ready. Why, there are pages and pages of Minutes ! And several long-winded speeches. I can't; you'll have to. I can't read your notes, my dear. No- body can read anybody's else notes. They must be ready, though. What you got to do? A hundred things ! The joint committee meets this afternoon. That'll be a long seige. They have no idea of business. Women never have. But what'U they have to do? I thought it was all to be (39) Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables; Mrs. Hillman ; Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman : Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables done by separate committees. That's a fool way, a joint committee ! A joint com- mittee is as awkward as a calf ! Yes, but all the clubs have to be repre- sented. It takes three meetings of a joint commit- tee to get anywhere and then they're in the wrong pew ! You'd better write your report to-night, then. I've got something on for to-night ; the — the — oh, the Utility Club has an open meeting. Professor Matford is to talk on Asteroids. (lifting her hands) Asteroids! Heaven preserve us ! What does the Utility care about Asteroids? Nothing, but we'll have a good supper afterwards. And the men'U be bored to a frazzle, — ■' you have the men? {wearily) Of course, husbands and guests. I hate guest evenings ! Umph, I can see 'em wilt! Asteroids! And Matford is such an ®ld stick. An awfully disagreeable man. Who wanted him? (more wearily) Nobody, but he offered and we couldn't refuse; there sat his wife. You know she never misses. Yes, he offers and she sits around so peo- ple can't refuse. That's the way they work it. Then she talks about her hus- band's popularity. They ought both to be caged. He hasn't brain enough to run a peanut stand. And she thinks she is so (40) Mrs. Hillman : Mrs. Gables: Voice : Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables; Dr. Winter Mrs. Hillman Mrs. Gables Mrs. Hillman intellectual! Of course she'll wear that everlasting old purple silk dress and her real lace tie. It's queer she doesn't get a new dress— if she always must be every- where. [retrospectwely)She'' 8 good to have around, though, when you want to borrow things. Even Mrs. Spangler admires her cut glass. (leaning back more comfortably) They say they have money. He never made it teaching, sure. Nobody ever made any money teaching. Mrs. Mallory says that she had money from her grandfather's estate. He was — (A voice from below stairs cuts in.) My dear, I'm coming right up. (starting f grabs her '■back hair") That's Dr. Winter! (calls) All right, Elizabeth, come on. I must be going, anyway. (Dr, Winter comes in hastily) Morning, Mrs. Gables. (to Mrs. Hill- man) No, I can't sit down. I came to ask you (sits on the very edge of a straight- hack chair) if you would lead the P. E. O. Society in Browning three, no, four meetings? The P. E. O. I'd like to, but I think I can't. You re getting quite a "rep" as a Brown- ing student, Mrs. Hillman. They all want you, (modestly) Oh no, only I'm fond of Brown- ing. (41) Dr. Winter Mrs. Gables Dr. Winter Mrs. Gables Dr. Winter : Mrs. Gables : Dr. Winter : Mrs. Hillman : Mrs. Gables Dr. Winter Mrs. Gables Well, yon will have to do this. We voted to have you. (rising slowly) Well I must go. (makes remote preparations) I didn't intend to stay a minute. Don't let me drive you away, Mrs. Gables. I haven't but a second myself. I really must go. You know it is the last day of the ticket sale, (she starts ^ then turns) By the way, did you know, Doctor, that you are on the Banquet Committee? You are chairman. (vaguely) Banquet,- — banquet committee? Oh, the banquet tendered by The Profes- sional Woman's League? Yes, and we want your committee to con- fer with ours. You mean with The Scientific Kesearch Club? I don't think we are^ — (telephone hell rings) are authorized to confer — Excuse me. (goes to ^phone) Don't hurry away, Mrs. Gables, (she takes down the receiver) Hello, who is this? No, John, I haven't seen them. On the desk? Wait a minute, (goes to hus- band^ s desk and rummages while the ladies talk) Well, I'll see about it, but I understood that it was to be done by the two commit- tees. It would be better if the Research Club had charge of it. Perhaps. It would save time and trouble, anyway. Who is president of the Re- search now? (her hand on the door curtain) I am. (42) Br. Winter Mrs. Gables Dr. Winter: Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter: Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter Oil, you are. I didn't know that. I am a moss-back when it comes to clubs. I'll phone you to-morrow; no, Wednesday. Will that do? Yes, but don't forget. We must know as soon as possible. Well, Maid of Athens, i^waviU'g her hand to 3£rs. Hillman) I am gone, as Byron feelingly observes. So long! (goes,) [absently) So long! Fll 'phone you Wed- nesday, [takes out a note hook and is in- stantly absorbed) [straightens up from her search and steps to the ''phone) Hello Hello, is this John? I can't find them Are you sure they are there? Well, not in your desk ; I've looked and looked No, not anywhere Well, come get them then if you think they're there! Right away? Well, yes., may- be. ... , .Well, good bye. [she returns to her guest) Mrs. Gables should not have gone. It's just John; he's coming up for his old papers. How can I keep track of his papers? He's always losing them. [looking up from her note book) Say now, look here, are you taken for Feb. 7th, Feb. 21st, March 7th and March 21st? What are they,— Saturdays? Yes, the first and third Saturdays in Feb- ruary and in March. Can you help us out ? I don't know. Let me get my Browning Year Book, [goes to desk) Is Saturday your Browning Club? I was afraid so. (43) Mrs : Hillman Dr. Winter Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter : Mrs. Hillman Dr. Winter Mrs. Hillman {consulting hook) No, our Browning dates are Feb. 7th, Feb. 21st, March 7th, — why^ they're the very dates you want! But I am not sure about these dates. {plunges into hand hag) I can't find my memoranda. It may be Feb. 14th, and 28th and March 14th and 28thl How stu- pid of me not to know ! Let me think. {she taps her forehead idly with lead pen- cil) Are you taken for the 14th? The 14th of what? February. I think so, but there's a mistake here. I'll have to consult Mrs. Freeman. There's a mistake in these dates, — they're all mix- ed up. But we've got to know immediately. I can't see her until tomorrow. {looking around vaguely) Haven't the Freemans a 'phone? You see I must know to-day. Yes, certainly they have. Where is my head? {goes to ^ phone) 1193, please 1193, I said Yes, 1193 Is this Mrs. Freeman? Freeman, Mrs. Free- man, is she home? Isn't in the city? Oh, not at home? When will she be? 10 o'clock?. .... .Oh, I see {laughing) I see Oh, isn't that love- ly? Well, I am very glad. .... .To- morrow? Oh thank, you, thank you ,No, I thank you Good bye Yes, {laughing) Goodbye, {returns to her chair) Can't get her until 1 o'clock. The girl says her sister is to be married at her house to-morrow. (44) Dr. Winter Mrs. HLUman Dr. Winter : Mrs. Hillman : Dr. Winter : Mrs. Hillman : Dr. Winter: Mrs. Hillman : Dr. Winter : Mrs. Hillman: Dr. Winter: Mrs. Hillman : Dr. Winter Whose sister? Mrs. Freeman's. The little girl with the plump hands, you know. No, I don't know. I do not notice people's hands unless they get them cut or burned or something. (stooping to pick up one of her hair pins) Well, I'll tell you later. And I can't tell whether it is Feb. 7th, Feb. 21st, March 7th, March 21st or Feb. 14th and 28th and March 14th and 28th. I'll call you up at 8 o'clock. I won't be in at 8. Then at 6, — that's your dinner hour, though, (rises) {rising) That doesn't matter. I'll be here at 6. Now you're to tell me, — but you under- tand. Yes, I think I do. Feb. 7th, 21st,— Or Feb. 14th and 28th. You see I don't know. I see, but it doesn't matter. Either I can or I can't and that'll settle it. I'd like to; I know nothing about the P. E. Oes. But my dates will settle it, of course. Of course. I can't think what became of the paper I had the memoranda on. C phone rings) Well, good bye. Don't come down ; I guess I know this house. {'phone rings) I'll phone you at 6, — did you say 6? Too bad to interrupt your din- ner, but business is business. C phone rings and rings) Good bye. (goes, Mrs. (45) Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman Mrs. Hillman Mr. Hillman : Hillman hurries to ^phone) (at ^phone) Hello! Hello Who is this talking? Oh, Mrs. Sherman, pardon me (laughing) I didn't know you ! Oh, haven't you? Well, you are very kind I must have the program Middlemarch, Books VII and VIII Yes, I guess so No, I am not the leader. I come on March the third * 'Silas Marner" That's all right That's all right. Don't mention it! Thank you (laughing) Oh, thank you ! No I think it is too difficult. The course is too difficult The course is too hard (very slowly) The course is too hard ...... I say I think the course is too hard The course, — have you got that? Is too hard, too hard, — hard Yes, yes indeed ! Shakespeare? Yes, like the Browning club: (Enter Mr. Hillman, hat in hand. She motions him to be still. He tip-toes to his desk.) I didn't understand $2.50, I call that a good deal No, not regularly Well, send me a program to-day Oh, thank you (laughing) You are very kind Yes, certainly. Good bye. (hangs up receiver.) Hello, John. (rummaging through his desk) My papers aren't here, though everything else seems to be. (he throws out of the desk a child* s straw haty then a bean bag.) (at her desk, not looking up) Can't you find them? I told you they weren't there. Oh yes, of course you did. Well, for once (46) Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman ; Mrs. Hillman Mr. Hillman Mrs. Hillman Mr. Hillman Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman: Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman: Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman: you were right! But what shall I do? They are lost. [writing) They can't be lost. Have you looked in the desk upstairs? That desk is full of doll clothes. (intent on writing) They can't be lost. (calmly) They are, though. (sorting papers) They must be some- where. (irritably) Everything is somewhere, even in this house! (He tackles the desk again; throws a doll baby across the room.) Well, I'll have to have some more made out. Cost, $20.00, but we have money to incinerate, —at least we incinerate it! Can you come down and look at that carpet? What carpet? Oh, for the hall? I can't. The hall looks like the deuce. Come on; it's got to be done. I must stay right here at this desk until I get out this report. Come this afternoon, then. All right. At 4 o'clock. That'll give us time to look at those curtains I told you about. We've needed curtains for one year. All right, I'll drive down with the child- ren. Oh, no, I can't. Can't? Can't come? No, I forgot. I — I have to go somewhere. (looking at her fixedly) A club? (with much hesitation) Yes, a — a club. (47) Mr. Hillman Mrs. Hillman Mr. Hillman Mrs. Hillman; Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman : Mr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman Mr. Hillman (slams the top of (he desk dotvn) Clubs ! Every day it's a club! If I want you to go to the theater, can't. Club. If I want you to go down town with me and buy some- thing for the house, can't. Club. If I need anything, can't. Club. If I do get you out driving, we've got to stop at a dozen houses to see where some committee meets. CLUBS ! A man might as well be married to the Secretary of State ! Look at this room ! Look at this room ! I met Totty in the lower hall looking like a beggar. What's Totty doing in the low- er hall? (scorchingly) What were you doing in the lower hall? {ditto) I was afraid the upper hall was full of women passing resolutions. It's come to a pretty pass when a man can't come in at his own front door ! I am so- damn tired of clubs ! (with dignity) You need hardly swear about it. Be thankful I confine myself to swearing. The house upside down, meals late, child- ren neglected, (sits heavily) Clubs ! (very patiently) Are you quite through ranting, dear? No, the subject is inexhaustable. Look at this room ! Where are those papers in this '*wreck of matter and crash of worlds?" (soothingly) This is Monday morning, my dear. Then it's been Monday morning ever since the Flood! (the ''phone rings) The (48) Mrs. Hillman house is a scandal, that's what it is! (the 'phone rings ; he goes to it) Hello ! 1103 yes, . . . .1103, yes, . . . .Yes, Mrs. Hillman is here, {he turns to her) Here's another of those d — (springs up) John, be careful! You'd bet- ter go! (she snatches the receiver) Oh, is it you, Mrs. Kirkbride-Symonds? (he lifts his hat as if it were a funeral and stands with bared, bowed head) No, I don't know where— oh, you mean they won't meet? Not at all, not at all Who did you say? Who said so? She runs it, anyway. She thinks it's her club Yes, good bye What? At 3:30? When was the hour changed? No, I can't to-day I can't to-day Yes, I'm sorry Good bye Good bye. (hangs up re- ceiver and sits down exhausted,) Mr. Hillman: (putting on his hat) Was that Mrs. Kirk- bride-Symonds? I trust she is well. She is such a thoroughly capable woman! (he goes to the door, head high) I won't be home for luncheon. Why, you said last night — Last night? I said last night? Why, that was years ago! I have lived ages since then. But there was a time when I did remember remarks in my own house. There was a time when I had opinions ; I even remember a time when I used to laugh in my own house and be able to find things. But that was before the children were heathen ; that was before I was an outcast and a wanderer; that was before the parlor was filled with women pound- (49) Mrs. Hillman : Hr. Hillman : Mrs. Hillman: Harriet Mrs. Hillman Harriet Mrs. Hillman Harriet Mrs. Hillman : Harriet Mrs. Hillman ing the furniture and shouting ' 'Order!" That (with a sweeping wave of the hand) that was before you went in for "culture." (he mashes his hat down tight) If the house is here — and empty — I will come in for dinner, (he stalks out) (solus) John does get so mad! What is the use? Men have no patience. (she sighs, rises, walks to her desk, sits down and begins again, wearily) Now, I hope I'll have some peace. Some women make so much of nothing. Who cares what Mrs. Fuller does? Everybody knows her, (reads from paper) "On motion of Miss Perkins, it was carried to dispense — " that's the Utility, (takes up another) "The Treasurer's report for the quarter was read — " (takes up another) "After an interesting discussion, Miss Hillman moved-—" there's where I was. (writes.) - (Enter Harriet) Mrs. Hillman, I can't find — (writing) I can't see anyone. I just want to get — ■ (luriting) Say I'm busy — or dead. It isn't anybody. I can't find any clean stockings for Totty. (looks up) Clean stockings for Totty? What does Totty want with clean stock- ings? Has he fallen into something? No, Ma'am, he aint fallen nowhere. (resuming her writing) Then let him go as he is. Harriet: He can't go down town looking so. (50) Mrs. Hillman t Harriet Mrs. Hillman Harriet : Mrs. Hillman; Harriet Mrs. Hillman Harriet Mrs. Hillman : Harriet : Mrs. Hillman; Harriet Mrs. Hillman Harriet ; Mrs. Hillman Certainly not, but he isn't g )ing down town. But Mr. Hillman said to dress the children. (squaring about) What? Mr. Hillman said to dress the children? Mr, Hillman won't be home to luncheon. It doesn't matter; leave the children as they are. [meekly) No Ma'am, he said he wouldn't be home for lunch, but he ordered the carriage and told me to send the children down — Down? Down town for— for lunch, I guess. He said he'd see the children clean for one day if he had to keep them at the office. He said what? Are you crazy? [scared hut standing by her guns) He said he'd see the children clean for one day — that's what he said, and to dress them up and send them down by Kobert. Mr. Hillman said that? [gravely) Yessum. I — I think he was mad. [coldly) You do? What business have you to think anything about it? Go dress the children. But I can't find all their clothes and Tot- ty hasn't any best shoes and — [rising with dignity and decision) Where are the children? [grinning) In the bath tub, playing fishes. Well, go bathe them. I'll get the things. Get out Margery's blue dress. [Harriet (51) goes) And hurry up ; it's almost noon, (^i^^e sinks into a chair aud sits perfectly still a moment, staring straight ahead. Then the tears begin to get the mastery) Oh, this is dreadful ! John must be awful- ly mad, taking the children away ! Wants to see them c-clean for once. He just hates his home — maybe — maybe he h-hates me ! [rises and goes to the heaped-up work basket) I'll have to d-darn some, poor lit- tle fellow ! (she kisses a little stocking and wipes her eyes on it) It's too bad. They're the prettiest children in town, — every- body says so. John is so proud of them. (pauses, thinking) I know what I'll do. I know! I'll join the Mothers' Club. They are very domestic. They darn stockings and copy recipes and discuss all sorts of home topics, (searches for needle) They know all about houses and children and such things. I will; it's just what I need. John will be glad. He approves of the Mothers' Club. He said so once, (^^e dries her eyes on a limp little petticoat) Besides, Harriet: (from up stairs) I can't find Margery's best shoes. Mrs. Hillman (gathering up an armful of stockings which fall and trail after her as she walks) All right, I'm coming, (goes dropping spools and scissors.) CURTAIN. (52)