LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 117 896 2 HoUinger Corp. pH 83 « MAKE-UP " BOOK— HOW TO "MAKE-UP." A practical guid<> for Amateurs, with Twenty-three Cokred Illustrations. Price, 50 cents. PS 2198 .L32 C5 1894 Copy 1 No. CCCLVIIL iENCH'S MINOR DRAMA Ei)t acting 3Et»ition, THE GHOfipiS OF PSIC Farce in One let and One Scene ALEX. H. LAIDLAW, Jr. ■ Music hath charms to gootlie tlie eavage broast ' Copyright, 1891, by ALEX. II. LAIDLAW, Jr. New York T. H. PKENCH SUCCESSOR TO SAMUEL FRENCH & SON publisher 28 West 23d Street London SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 89 r RAND m:a.ke-tjp» box. R,!?«nH Pnf^ ^Tr^r^F""^^^ Powder, Whitin- Mongolian, Ruddy Ronge, Violet Pov^•d. PRmpTw.S^.n^r™?J^'V^'T?"''"^ ^°''^' P^"C''« for the eyelids, Spitft Gum, India In, PCriSff. « J^"' "^'/t' ^°^*' W"o^' C-'^Pe^^ Ha^^ ^oW Cream, Joining Paste, Mi: Rn^^! *4 rS^ ^^'f^"''^*m^ ^.^^'^'^S ^'<^«*^ ' packed neatly in Strong Fancy Card-b(«r Boxes, $4.00 ; Elegant Tin Cases, $.5.00. THE ABOVE ARTICLES TO BE HAD SEPARATELY. For Prices, see r^ fEENCHS DESCRIPTIVE LIST. SCENERY. With a view to obviate the great difficulty experienced by Amateurs (particularly in country houses) in obtaining Scenery, &.C., to fix in a Drawing Room, and then only by considerable outlay for hire and great damage caused to walls, we have decided to keep a series of Scenes, &c., colored on strong paper, which can be joined together or pasted on canvas or wood, according to requirement. Full directions, with dia- grams showing exact size of Back Scenes, Borders, and Wings, can be had free on •pplication. The following four ecenes consist each of thirty sheets of paper. GARDEN. The above Is an illustration of this scene. It Is kept in two sizes. The size of the back scene of the smaller one is 10 feet long and 6}^ feet high, and extends, with the wings and border, to 15 feet long and 8 feet high. The back scene of the large one is 13 feet long and 9 feet high, and extends, with the wings and border, to 20 feet long and 11>^ feet high. It is not necessaiy to have the scene the height of the room, as blue paper to represent sky is usually hung at the top. Small Bize, with Wings and Border complete, §7.50 ; large size, do., $10.00. "WOOD. This Is similar in style to the above, only a wood scene is introduced in the centre. It is kept in two sizes, as the previous scene, and blue paper can be introduced as be* fore indicated. Small size, with Wings and Borders complete, $7.50 ; larce size, do., $10.00. FOLIAGS, — This la a sheet of paper on ■which foliage is drawn, which can be repeated and cut in any shape required. Small size, 30 in. by 20 in,, 25 cts. per sheet ; large size, 40 in. by 30 in., 35 cts. per sheet. TRBB TRUNK.— This is to be used with the foliage sheets and placed at th« bottom of the scene. — Price and size same as foliage. DRAWING ROOM. This scene is only kept in the large size. The back scene is 13 feet long and 9 feet high, and extends, with the winps and borders, to 20 feet long and 11^ feet high. In the centre is a French window, leading down to the ground, which could be made practicable if required. On the left wing is a fireplace with mirror above, and on the right wing is an oil painting. The whole scene is tastefully ornamented and beauti- fully colored, forming a most elpgant picture. Should a box scene be required extra wings can be had, consisting of doors each side, which could be made praeticabla. Price, with Border and one set of Wings, $10.00 ; with Border and two seta of Wing^ to form box scene, $12.50. COTTAGE INTERIOR. This is also kept in the large size only. In the centre is a door leading outside. Oa the left centre is a rustic fireplace, and the right centre is a window. On the wings ar« painted shelves, &c., to complete the scene. A box scene can be made by purchasing extra wings, as before described, and forming doors on each side. Price, with Border and one set of Wings, $10.00 ; with Border and two sets of Wings, to form box scene, $12.50. The above Scenes, mounted, can be seen at 28 West 23d St, New York. Full directions accompany each Scene. / The Charms of Music 'g^xcz in 0)rxje g^ct anxX ©rue Mcznz ALEX. H. LAIDLAW, Jr, Music Uatn cUarms to sootlie the savage breast " Copyright, 1S91, by ALEX. H. LAIDLAW. JR. NEW YORK LONDON T. H. FRENCH SATHUEL FRENCH Successor to Samuel French & Son PUBLISHED PUBLISHEH 28 West 23d Street 89 Strand •0/ ^^^% .i-*i^^ CHARACTERS. N'* " The Charms of Music " was first produced at the Madison Square Theatre, New York City, on the afternoon of April 20, 1892, with the following professional cast : Walter Thokne, M"r. Henry J. Bagge. Violet Thoene, Miss Grace Huntington. Eva Thokne, Bliss Lillian Leach. RicHAED Douglas, Mr. Robert Edeson. John {now Elizabeth), .... Mr. W. Baker. Hamilton Hiksute Hamilton, . Mr. Claude H. Brooke. Next produced on the afternoon of April 10, 1894, at the Empire Theatre, New York City, by Nelson Wheatcroft's Empire Theatre Dramatic School, with the following cast : Walter Thoene, Mr. J. H Bradshaw. Violet Thoene, Miss Jessie Far a. Eva Thoene, Miss Augusta Durgin. Richaed Douglas, Mr. Charles Halm. Elizabeth, Miss Alice G. Cleather. Hamilton Hirsute Hamilton, . Air. M. Harlem. (Note. — It is not necessary for Hamilton to be a musi- cian. The less life knows about music the better, as a/ew random chords or discords will heighten the effect of his scenes.) New York Herald, April 21, 1892.— '"The Charms of Music ' was received with enthusiasm." New York Herald, April 24, 1892.—" ' The Charms of Music' went well enough to justify any stock manager of comedy to purchase it." New York Evening Sun, April 21, 1892.—'' ' The Charms of '^Iusk>' \jias i^'^Qtad. with roai's £)£.lan.ghter. The climax wa!?,'\VQl]*'\^D?,kM'iipftHd i*eceive9.»i»(3urKls of applause." NeiifY(f)'k''Ikenfifg'W'(frld,^A\H^% 1892.— "The lines clever." ' Amusing Neio York Sun, April 21, 18^2.— " Decidedly comic climax." New York Press, April 21, 1892. — " Very amusing." Jersey City Tempest, April 23, 1892.— ''Made a hit." Jersey City Evening Journal, April 21, 1892. — " The farce was well received and caused much laughter and applause." New York Dramatic News, April 30, 1892.—" A cleverly written farce." THE CHARMS OF MUSIC, Scene. — Breakfast-room in the Thornes' country-house. Early morning. Door l. c. and loindow k. c, through which can he seen a country landscape. A door n. 1 e. leading tnio a hall. A door e. 2 e. , leading into a kitchen. Betmeen the doors is a piano, the top of which is covered with sheet and MS. music. A writing-desk Jj.,- covered with papers, hooks, pens, ink, etc. A table, E. g., partially set for hreakfast, and a cuphoard containing dishes in the corner. At least five chairs are placed about the room. A sun-bonnet is on the desk. Elizabeth is setting a few dishes on the table. Enter Waltee Thoene, e. 1 e., hurriedly. He sees Eliza- beth a7id stops. Mr. T. How do yon like the place, Elizabeth ? Eliz. I have been in better ones. Mr. T. You don't say so ! Do we suit you ? Eltz. Yes. in some respects. Mr. T. Indeed ! Thank you ! , Eliz. You're welcome, Hm ! To-morrow's my birth- day. Me. T. {Absently.) Yes? Eliz. They gave me ten dollars in my last place on my birthday. Me. T. Yes? If you get ten cents here you may con- sider yourself lucky. Eliz. That's what I thought. Me. T. Will you hasten with the breakfast ? Eliz. If I have time ; but, Mr. Thorne, if you keej) Mr. Hamilton here much longer,-you and I must meet as stran- gers. Me. T. Elizabeth, you are paid to obey commauds, not to give them. Eliz, Do you intend to insult me ? Me. T. If you choose, (Elizabeth drop)s a plade and goes out, r. 2 e., in a rage.) Damn the servants ! THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. Enter Eichard Douglas, e. 1 e. R. D. Goocl-morning, Walter ! Mr. T. Ab, Dick, good-morning ! R. D. I want to speak to you about a Mr. T. What's up? K. D. I must go home to-day. Mr. T. Home ? You came here intending to stay for the summer, and now III. D. I must go. Mr. T. I don't see why. R. D. To tell the truth, I cannot remain in the same house with Hamilton a day longer. Since I arrived I have been compelled to listen to his comic oj)era twice daily Mr. T. Hirsute is a friend of mine, Dick, and I am convinced that he- is a genius, whether anybody else thinks so or not. As my guest, he will remain here for the sum- mer. R. D. For the summer? Poor BS^a ! Poor Violet! Poor Elizabeth ! Mr. T. And if you consider it necessary to go R. D. It is necessary, highly necessary. Mr. T. Then I will not detain you. R. D. But, Walter ! Mr. T. Hm ? R. D. If your sister answers affirmatively to a proposal of marriage to be brought before her notice by me to-day, what will you do ? Mr. T. Do? Why, Dick, I will congratulate you. [They shake hands.) R. D. You will? Thanks, old fellow! You don't know how haj^py Enter Violet Thoene, r. 1 e. Violet. Good-morning ! R. D. j Good-morning, Vi ! Mr. T. \ Good-morning, dear ! Violet. I see that Elizabeth has moved the piano, and I am so glad. It must not be put back in the parlor again until the fall. Mr. T. Why not ? Violet. Because, when the summer is gone, Mr. Ham- ilton will be ditto. THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 5 Mk. T. You adore music, Violet, and yet when I give you an opj)ortunity to listen to a genius, you Violet. I do like music. Mr. T. That's as much as to say that you do not like Hirsute's playing — I mean music. Violet. I confess that I do not. Even company don't stop Mm. The country parson called here yesterday after- noon. To my utter astonishment and to the badly con- cealed horror of the country parson, Mr. Hamilton Hir- sute Hamilton walked serenely into the i^arlor, sat down at the piano, and played and sang his would-be comic opera, seemingly oblivious of our presence. The parson left shortly after the performance began, and I don't blame him. I was terribly mortified. Me. T. Don't be hard on Hirsute. He is a first-rate fellow. Violet. He is a first-rate nuisance. It is a poor com- poser who imagines his compositions to be superior to any- thing else on earth, and that is Mr. Hamilton Hirsute Hamilton's case exactly. Mr. T. You never think of his genius. K. D. (Ironically.) The like of his opera has never been heard, Violet. I agree with you. His opera does not lack originality, if it does lack sense. ( Going to piano and tak- ing up MS.) Here it is. Let me read you a portion of it. {Reading.) "It is night. Enter Diana with kerosene lamp. She looks around but does not move. Hurried music. Diana gives a shriek — and— and — bursts ! ! " K. D. Bursts! Enter Elizabeth, r. 2 e,, to finish setting the table. Me. T. Heavens ! Bursts ! Violet. {Nodding her head in assent and readi7ig MS.) O — I see — "bursts — into song." Me. T. {Relieved.) Oh ! Violet. {Laying doimi MS.) The man's insane. R. D. Those stage directions are very complete. How is it that he has not come down to practise yet ? Violet. I don't know, I'm sure. Mr. T. Elizabeth, have you seen Mr. Hamilton this morning ? Eliz. I have been waiting for some one to ask me that' question. Have I seen him ? I have — in the well. The Others. {Horrified.) In the well? Mr. T. {Hastening out door l. c.) In the well ! 6 THE CHAKMS OF MUSIC. Violet. [Eagerly.) Elizabeth, was his life extinct? Eiiiz. No, ma'am, it was distinct. I went to get some water this morning, and when I drew the bucket np that musical gymnast was hanging onto it. He'd been in the tvell all night, Mr. T. {Bushing in , Ij. c.) He isn't in the well. E. D. Too bad. Violet. {Resignedly.) Maybe he's sunk. Eliz. He's gone to his room. {Exit Me. T., e. 1 e.) R. D. Why didn't you let him down again, Elizabeth ? Violet. Yes, why didn't you ? Eliz. There's nothing I'd rather do. Violet. You had better go and inquire how he is, Dick. R. D. {Going, l, c, and lighting cigar .) Me? He's no friend of mine. Why don't you go ? Violet. I ? He's no friend of mine, either. Yqu can't smoke in here. E. D. Then I'll go out. Violet. Don't stay long. Breakfast will be ready in a few moments, and you must have some curiosity to see Mr. Hamilton after his recent performance. E. D. I confess I have, even though I am not a woman ; but, unlike a woman, I can wait. {Exit E. D., l. c.) Violet. You had better go, after that delightful speech. ( 7b Elizabeth. ) Elizabeth, what are you going to give us for breakfast ? Eliz. {Curtly.) As usual. Violet. For my breakfast, you may put a dropped egg on toast. Do you understand ? Eliz. Oh, yes — a dropx^ed egg on toast. Mrs. Thorne, I am going out this afternoon. If my cousin calls, tell him that I will be back to tea. You are not going to have much for lunch, so you can easily prepare it yourself. Violet. Elizabeth, I have stood this sort of thing long enough. Eliz. So have I. I mailed you my resignation yester- day. Did you get it ? Violet. I did not. When you leave this morning to do your — er — shopping, you need not return. Eliz. Very well. {Going, e. 2 e.) I wash my hands of you. [Exit Eliz., k. 2 e.) Violet. {Excitedly.) If only W^alter were hereto swear for me ! Once we get a servant out here in the country, we are obliged to put up with all sorts of impudence in order to make it convenient for them to stay. (Violet turns suddenly and faces Me. T. who enters r. 1 e.) Walter, THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. < won't yon please ask Mr. Hamilton to return to the city ? Elizabeth goes to-day. He might as well go at the same time, I can't stand either of them for another day. Mk. T. I will certainly not send him away. I have dis- covered that he is a distant relative of mine. Violet. I am not at all surprised to hear it ; but, if I were you, I wouldn't search for any more of my distant relatives. You might fi7id tliem. Mk. T. Violet, you need not cast any slurs at my rela- tives. You might just as well say that you wish I had never been born, and I will not stand that sort of language. Where's Dick ? Violet. Out. Mr. T. Eemember what I have said. {Exit Mb. T., l. c.) Violet. [Tearfully.) Walter ! Walter ! (She turns and smiles icily on Mr. H. H. Hamilton, who sloidy enters, e. 1 E.) Good-morning, Mr. Hamilton ! Have you quite re- covered from your — er — chill? H. H. H. Oh, yes— yes ! Violet. I understand that you passed a somewhat rest- less night. Mr. H. Mrs. Thorne, you were not misinformed, lims restless — quite restless. Violet. Did you not find it difficult to get into the well? Mr. H. Not very. I was composing. My imagination had lifted my brains above the clouds, w^hile my feet re- mained upon earth and wandered helter-skelter at their own sweet will. Mrs. Thorne, where is the— [Sees jyiano.) Why, here is the piano ! I have been hunting for it every- where. Violet. I had it brought in here this morning. You see, Mr. Hamilton, it is very kind of you to amuse my com- panv, but it is not absolutely necessary. Mr. H. Amuse them ? Mrs. Thorne, it is a pleasure for me to educate both you and your friends in the art of music. Violet. But it is hardly worth while for you to put your- self out, and it is such a waste of time. Mr. H. It don't put me out in the least. Violet. [Aside.) I wish you were put out. Mr. H. What's that? Violet. I said that you are not easily put out while you are playing. Mr. H. Ah! [Going to piano.) Shall I run over my latest composition ? 8 THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. Violet. If you don't run too far. (Mk. H. plays a few chords.) That is beautiful ! (Violet puts her hands over her ears, and hurries outu. 1 e. slamming the door after her.) Me. H. {Stops playing and opens the door.) It is so difficult to educate a refractory person. She must hear me, anyway. (H. sits at piano again. Violet returns and once more closes the door. Mr. H. sighs, stops playing and examines the music on the piano. Enter Elizabeth, e. 2 e., with a pile of plates. Me. H. drums some notes on the piano. As he touches each note, Elizabeth drops a pjlate upon the table.) Elizabeth, stop that ! Eliz. Am I worrying you ? Mr. H. You are. (Pause.) How would you like to be educated, Elizabeth, so that you could think noble thoughts ? Eliz. Are you educated ? Me. H. I am. Eliz. Then I don't think I would like it. You would have more room for thoughts if someone would run a lawn- mower over your head. [Exit Eliz. e. 2 e.) Me. H. Elizabeth— I— I Enter Eva, e. 1 e. Eva. Good-morning, Mr. Hamilton ! What was that lovely, lovely piece you were jDlaying ? Was it by Wag- ner? Mr. H, No, Miss Thorne, it was by myself. Eva, [Innocently.) I u"o??iZerec/ what was the matter with it. It seemed rather pretty ! Don't you play anything of Wagner's ? Me. H. No ! Eva. Then you have some sense, haven't you ? Mr. H. I am his rival. Eva. Keally ! Are you composing ? Mr. H. No, Miss Thorne, I am trying to compose. Eva. Then pardon me for coming in. Interruptions will happen in the best regulated families. Mr. H. I was going to say that myself in a minute. Eva. I am sorry I took the words out of your mouth. Mr. H. It does not matter. We were two minds with but a single thought. Eva. Now, Mr. Hamilton, I thought your mind con- tained more than a single thought — mine does. Mr. H. Miss Thorne, would you object to changing the subject ? THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 9 Eva. Certainly not. Won't yoii play that little gem of yours — the one I like so much ? Mr. H. I thought you liked them all. Eva. Oh, no — that is, I don't like them all as well as this particular one — you know it Mr. H. No— I Eva. It goes like this. (Eva hums a few notes.) Mr. H. I play nothing as bad as that. Eva. [Innocently.) I am suie you do. Me. H. It may be the music which I have had pub- lished. Would you like to have a copy? [He takes a piece of music from the piano and hands it to her.) Eva. Yes, I might as well. And you have my name on it, too. Thank you, [Reading.) " With comj^laints — no — compliments of the composer V " Is it pretty ? Mr. H. Very. Eva. I think I shall learn to play it. Me. H. You must. I give you this copy on condition that you play nothing else until you have mastered it ; then, when you play for any one, always play this. It is the kind of music that everybody will like, and, should any of your friends wish to buy copies, tell them that they can only get it from me, as the stores refuse to sell it. Eva. They do ? What is the matter with it ? Mr. H. I— I Eva. And of course you advertise it by giving them all away like this. Me. H. I don't give them all away. Eva. No ? Me. H. No. (Eva sits at piano and begins to play a very slow loaltz.) Eva. Then how do you get rid of them? Mr. H. I sell them. Eva. Sell them ? Who do you think would buy it ? Mr. H. Well — I — [Aside) It's a wise composer that knows his own music when it is played by some i^eople. [Aloiid.) Miss Thorne, that is not a funeral march — it is a waltz. Eva. a icaltz ? Why, so it is. I did think it was some- thing else. Mr. H. I thought you did. You must not play it like that again. Eva. I won't. Mr. H. I hope so, Eva. Eva. Sir ! I am Miss Thorne to you. Me. H. I know it. Listen to me ! Eva. I am listening to you. 10 THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. Mr. H. So you are — sorry to trouble you, but— er — er — some one is coming ! Enter R. D., l. c. Eva. I'm glad of it. R. D. What— the ghost of Mr. Hamilton ! Glad to meet you. Mr. H. Mr. Douglas, your little joke is not at all witty. Up to last accounts I was alive and well. R*! D. Then it is really you, Hamilton ? My dear fel- low, how is your opera this morning ? Mr. H. Very well, thanks. How's your tooth-ache ? R. D. It's better since the music stoj^ped. Enter Eliz. , r. 2 e. R. D. and Eva converse and go to tlieir seats at the table. Enter Violet, e, 1 e. Violet. Mr. Hamilton, that last sonata of yours was lovely. Your music sounds so low when I am upon the top floor, Mk. H. Does it? Violet. Yes, you must admit that distance lends en- chantment in some cases. {Going to her seat at the tahk.) Elizabeth, you may serve breakfast. [Exit Eliz., r. 2 e.) Eva. Come, Mr. Hamilton, your breakfast will get cold. Mr. H. I am going to be self-sacrificing and play while you eat. Eva. Please don't. R. D. Don't ! By unanimous request. Eva. We would a great deal rather have you come and eat your breakfast in a peaceable manner. Violet. It is impossible for me to even think of eating when you are playing, Mr. Hamilton. Your technique elevates my thoughts above digestibility, and I would starve. Mr. H. (Ooing to his seat.) I succumb. 1 Table. 1 5 I i 1. Mr. T. 2. H. H. H. 3. Violet, -i. Eva. 5. R. I). The Others. {Relieved.) Thank you, Mr. Hamilton. Eva. Where's Walter ? THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 11 Mii. T. {Entermg l. c. and going to his ^eat.) Here I am, R. D. Pass the biscuits, Violet ! Violet. [Passing plate to V\>. J). ) With pleasure. Mr. T. Cau I trouble you for the biscuits, Eva? Eva. {Passes (fish to Me. H., who takes biscuit and passes remainder to Mii. T ) Yes, sir, you may trouble me. Violet. [Passing another dish.) I made these dough- nuts myself. Will vou have one, Walter? Mk. T. No, please. Violet. Mr. Hamilton ? Mr. H. I never eat them. Violet. Eva ? Eva. No thank you, Violet dear. Violet. Dick ? E. D. I cannot allow them to go begging. I will try one. (R. D. takes a doughnvt.) Mr. T. May you live long afterward. Violet. That's mean of you, Walter. They are very nice. Take another, Dick. I can't eat them all. R. D. No, I think that one v\'ill be sufficient. Violet. You are not at all complimentary. Eva. Are you helping Mr. Hamilton elown there, Wal- ter ? Don't let him starve ! Mr. T. [As Mr. H. takes another biscuit.) Hirsute is helping himself. Enter Eliz. with meat on plates luhich she places before each one. Violet. Have some coffee-beans, Dick ? R. D. Anything to oblige. Violet. That's the nearest we can come to coffee this morning, tlianks to Mr. Hamilton's falling into the well. Mr. H. You're welcome. Encore the biscuits. Eva. (.^.sMr. Hk^iilto^ takes another biscuit.) Another biscuit, Mr. Hamilton? Y'our food is not so ethereal as I had imagined. Mr. T. This is a model breakfast — coffee-beans and doughnuts to begin with. What next ? Hash, I'll war- rant. Violet. Wrong, as usual. It's steak. Mr. T. Mrs. Thorne, we have indulged in steak for breakfast every day for the last two months. Violet. You may have the egg that I ordered for my- self. Mr. T. I see you, too, want to get away from the steak, 12 THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. Violet. Why, you told me that you adored steak. Me. T. That was when we were married, three years ago, and you must remember that I have had a steady diet of it since then, and you ought to know yourself that "Familiar- ity breeds contempt." Violet. But there was a large steak in the larder this morning, and there was no use in letting it go to waste. Mr. T. That's no excuse for letting it go to my waist. Violet. What will you have, Dick — cider ? R. D. If you please. Eva. There is none, Violet. We finished it last night. R. D. Then I do not wish any. Give me the demijohn after breakfast, and Eva and I will walk down to Muggins's and have it filled. Eliz. {To R. D.) Which will you have, a^Dple, lemon, or cocoanut ? R. D. Pie ? Eliz. Yes. R. D. Ai^ple. I see that when in New England, you do as the New Englanders do. Pie and doughnuts for break- fast, and all that sort of thing. Eliz. ( Tb Eva and Violet.) Which will you have, ap- ple, lemon, or cocoanut ? Eva and Violet. Pie ? Eliz. Yes. Eva. Lemon. Violet. Where is that dropped ecg on toast, Eliza- beth ? Eliz. I dropped the qq^% according to your orders, but the devil himself couldn't scoop it up onto a bit of toast. Violet. {In amazement.) Elizabeth! {The others laugh.) Mr. T. Ask the hen to lay another. Please pass the pepper. Eva. How do you want it — verbally ? Eliz. ( To Mr. T. and Mr. H. ) Which will you have, ajDple, lemon, or cocoanut ? Mr. T. and Me. H. Pie? Eliz. Yes. Mr. T. and Mr. H. Cocoanut. {Exit Eliz., r. 2 e.) Violet. Elizabeth has discharged me. She leaves at noon to-day. Eva. It is time that she did something. {A noise r. ) Violet. There's more Chinese music in that kitchen. That girl has broken more dishes than she is worth, and her excuses are always the same — ' ' The wind blew it off the shelf," or "It just came apart in my hands." (Enter Eliz., E. 2 e.) What did you break this time, Elizabeth ? THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 13 Eliz. Me ? I broke nothing. I picked u]) a dish and it just came apart. Violet. I thought so. (Mk. H. i-ises and hurries to the piano.) Me. T. What's the matter, Hirsute ? Me. H. I have an idea. E. D. Don't murder it. Eva. Let the poor thing go. Me. T. It seems to me that there are two kinds of steak for breakfast — the kind you get and the kind I don't get. Violet. There is your steak on your plate, Walter ! Me. T. That spot ! Elizabeth, if it is absolutely neces- sary that I should eat steak, you ought to know by this time that I like it rare but not scarce. [Exit Eliz., e. 2 e., unth Me. T.'s plate. Violet begins to grow hysterical,) Eva. Don't exercise your incompatibility of temi:>er, Walter. That's what x)eople get a divorce with. Violet. How do you find your steak, Dick? Me. T. Tell her you don't know how to find it. Violet. Walter, a little of some things goes a great way. Me. T. And this breakfast has gone far enough — dropped eggs — minute steak — coffee-beans — pie — (Vio- let rises, lorings her hands and sobs.) If my mother were only here she'd cook meals that would be meals. Violet. And if my mother were here (Me. T. rises.) Me. T. Your mother ? No, thanks ! [Exit Violet, e. 1 e.) Eva. Don't be a crank, Walter ! Don't you see how you have made Violet cry ? (Eva ajid R. D. rise.) Me. T. I'm not a crank. Eva. Cranks never think that they are. Me. T. I'll take my meals out in the future. Eva. With the other pigs ? Eyiter Elizabeth, e. 2 e. Seeing no one at the table she be- gins to clear it, putting some dishes in the cupboard and taking some out, E. 2 e. Me. H. p/m/s the piano softly. Me. T. stands before piano lost in thought, while R. D. and Eva converse at the opposite side of the room. R. D. Eva, we have known each other for — how many years has it been ? Eva. (Starting.) Hm ! Several! R. D. Yes, for many, many years. Eva. Oh, not as long as that. 14 THE CIIAIIMS OF MUSIC. E. D. {Indicating Mk. H.) I am going away to-day on account of that. Eva. I "wish I could go too, for the same reason. R. D. Will you go with me ? to be my wife '? Eva. [Frightened.) Oh, Walter ! Me. T. Hm ? Eva. Nothing. Never mind. I thought — I saw— a mouse. E. D. /can kill a mouse. Don't call Walter for a little thing like that, Mr. T. has been growing impntient, and casting a look of disgust at Mr. H., turns from, the piano. Mr. T. Come along, Dick. Hij'sute wants to play to Eva. Eva. No, he doesn't. Me. T. I have something to tell you E. D. But you forget. {Exit Elizabeth, e. 2 e.) Mr. T. I forget nothing. R. D. {Aside to Eva.) Au revoir, darling ! We will continue in our next. {Exeunt Mr. T. and R. T>. protesting, e. 1 e.) Eva. To be continued! I hope it will be concluded. He loves me — I am going to be married. Mr. H. {Leaving piano and going over to Eva.) Miss Thome, you remember this morning I said "Eva" to you, and you said " Sir ! " and I said " Listen to me ! " and you said you were listening, and I said, " So jou are — someone is coming?" Well, somebody did come as you saw for yourself, but no one is near us now. {He seizes her.) Eva. Let me go, Mr. Hamilton ! Mr. H. I know T am too good for you. Eva. You are not. I hate you. Me. H. I mean you are too good for me. Eva. I knov/ it. Dick ! Dick ! (Me. H. releases her and slinks to the piano, where he plays loudly. E. D. enters, E. 1 E., iDith a demijohn in one hand and a hat in the other, both of which he holds throughont the following scene.) I am so glad that you have come. E. D. Are you really ? Has the time seemed long with- out me ? Eva. Mr. Hamilton, w^ll you be kind enough to leave the room ? I cannot hear what my cousin is trying to tell me. (Me. H. looks angrily at E. D. and goes out, e. 1 e.) Go on, Dick ! E. i). Eva, I loved you when we played together as children — I love you still. You have my whole heart. THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 15 Eva. / have your heart ? How can you live without it ? R. D. Because have I not yours in return ? Don't leave me heartless by saving no. You do not speak ! Does silence give consent? (R. D. attempts to embrace Eva, who jmshea him away.) I thought I was accepted by the way you threw yourself at me when I came in, Eva. I was only getting away from Mr. Hamilton. He was trying to propose to me. R. D. Is Hirsute my rival ? Answer me ! Did you give him any encouragement ? Eva. {Laugldng.) To him? R. D. Did you give him as much encouragement as you are giving me at present ? Eva. What are you jealous of him foi- ? R. D. Haven't I a right to be jealous of my rival ? Eva. Not when your rival has such a poor chance of succeeding as Mr. Hamilton has, R. D. Do you mean it ? Eva, my darling ! (R, D, leans forward and kisses Eva, ivho, noticing his hands full, takes his hat away, enabling him to embrace her.) Will you be my wife ? Eva. Of course I will. Enter Mr, H., r. 1 e. R. D. Congratulate us, Hamilton — /am going to marry Miss Thorne. (Mr. H. staggers.) Eva. [Patting Dick's liat on his head, and taking sunbon- net from irriting-des'lc.) You will write us a wedding- march, won't you ? R. D. Yes, one of this kind will do. {E.xeunt Eva and R. D., L. c, singing JMendelssohi's " Wedding 3farch.^') Mr. H. Jilted. I knew I'd be rejected. It was my thir- teenth proposal. [Starting.) Ah, I have an idea for Act Ten. (H. hums a tune, and, going to piano, picks up some MS. and loaves his arms as though conducting an orchestra.) En.ter Violet, r. 1 e., with hat on and red parasol in her hand. Violet. [Looking at Mr. H. in alarm.) He has a fit. [She rushes to the table, gets a pitcher, and is about to dash the contents over Mr. H. when he turns and sees her. Both jump mi(i Violet screams.) I hoi3e you are feeling better. Do you have them often ? Mr. H. Ideas ? Yes. This one is from Act Ten. Violet. Act Ten ? How fascinating Act Ten must be ! 16 THE CHAEMS OF MUSIC. Mr. H. It is. Violet. Mr. Hamilton, I wish to speak to you for two minutes — no longer. Will you be kind enough to tell my husband that you have driven me away from the protection of his roof? He will doubtless be pleased to hear it. Your heathenish music has exasperated me to such an extent that I could strangle you. [She moves toward him. Me. H. screams and hastens out, e. 1 e.) He is gone. I must go too or I shall go crazy. Walter wants my mother- in-law here as cook, /want Walter's mother-in-law. The demand for mothers-in-law exceeds the supply. [Siitivg af writing-desk.) Where's the j)aper? {Picks uj) book.) What's this? "How to be Happy though Married." [Opens it eagerly.) Walter must have bought it. What is this written inside? "A wife, to be truly happy, should not only love her husband, but she should obey him, amuse him, comfort him, cheer him, assist him, teach him, guide him, entertain him, forbear with him, read to him, write to him " [She closes hook quickly and gazes at the floor as though dazed.) If that is an extract from this book, the au- thor is a man, and he ought to be burned alive. The idea of putting that in a book with the title of ' ' How to be Happy though Married." [Taking a sheet of note-paj^er from the desk, and sobbing to hersef, she begins to icrite, involuntarily uttering some of the words aloud.) Dear Sir — conduct — genius — bodily — telegram — curdled — grave — [Folding the letter, she inds it in an envelope, seals and addresses it, and lays it on the table.) I may never see Walter again ! I can- not go and yet I cannot stay. Farewell — Walter — Eva — and so forth ! ( Taking her parasol, she goes out, l. c. , passing window, E. c. A moment later Eva and'B,. D. enter, l. c. ,from the left. R. D. carries the demijohn and Eva stands in the doorway, looking e.) Eva. Good riddance to Elizabeth. I saw her going across the field, and Violet has just gone out, too. Walter treated her shamefully this morning. E-, D. It wasn't a nice example to set us, was it ? Eva. I'd like to box his ears. R. D. [Setting demijohn on table.) I'll put this con- founded cider here for the present. Eva. All right. (Eva shakes her hand with outstretched fingers before R. D.'s face.) How will folks know that I am engaged ? R. D. Oh, ho — you want a ring. Wait a day and you shall have one. THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. 17 Enter Mr. T. , e. 1 e. Eva. Walter, who do you think is going to be married ? Mr. T. You are. Eva. How do you know ? Mb. T. Come, little sister, let me congratulate you. Dick told me all about it this morning. May you both live long and be happy ever afterward. Eva. [Taking Violet's letter from table and reading the address.) "Walter Thome, Esquire — Present." Here's a present for you, Walter ! Mr. T. [Takes letter.) A present? Violet's handwrit- ing ! What can it be ? (He opens letter, reads it, and starts.) Eva. What is it, Walter ? Is anything wrong? Mr. T. Yes, something is wrong. My wife has left me — on account of — Hirsute ! K. D. That's too bad, old boy. She seemed to dislike him so, too. Eva. To think of Violet eloping with Hamilton ! I don't believe it ! Mr. T. Eloped ! She has eloped with no one but her- self. {Aside.) What a brute Hirsute must have been ! Eva. Let me go after her. She cannot have gone far. Mr. T. No — I can stand it if she can. I will be b—b— brave. [Reads letter.) "Mr. Thorne— Dear Sir— I am going for a short walk, never to return. Your fright- ful conduct in harboring a musical genius between your walls has driven me away bodily to my mother. If he ever goes, send me a telegram, and, if wanted, I will re- turn. I cannot remain where my blood is curdled daily by selections from a would-be comic opera, and where your mother's beefsteak is constantly held before my eyes and ringing in my ears. If I should die before we meet again, I trust that you will have bleeding-hearts i:)lanted on my grave, and I should also like to have a monument representing a broken column with the simple inscription — ' Violet Thorne — aged 25 years. The Good die young.' [Enter Mr. H., r. 1 e.) Hoping that you will not marry again, I remain what Hamilton Hirsute Hamilton has left of what was once your wife." Mr. H. Your wife writes very well. Has she been get- ting out a novel ? Mr. T. You are here, Hirsute ! Come nearer — I won't hurt you. For a long time I have been trying to cultivate your talents against the wishes of my warmest friends, and 18 THE CHARMS OF MUSIC. my attempt has proved entirely unsuccessful. You have not improved a particle. If anything, you are worse than ever. My wife has danced, or rather ivalked out of this house to your music. My wife ! — do you hear me ? — my iDife ! I Yon have driven her out — now drive yourself out and be thankful you escape so easily. Me. H. So this is my reward for letting your ears feast upon my masterpieces — this is my payment. I am turned out. I will not go. Mk. T. You will either go in peace or in pieces. You are of age and can take your choice. Pack up your genius, and take it where it belongs. (Mk. H. takes mime from top of piano.) Mr. H. Miss Thorne, you have witnessed this sad scene. Haven't you anything to say to me ? Eva. [JVithout looking at Me. H.) Yes, good-by ! Don't forget the wedding-march. Mr. H. Ah, I see — you are engaged in another direc- tion. R. D. Exactly ! Ta-Ta— Hamilton ! {E»-it Mr. H., e. 1 E.) Eva. Let me go after Violet, Walter ! Come, Dick, you and I will find her. (Violet passes unndow at back.) Mr. T. No, when she returns, it must be of her own accord. Eva. It is really your fault. Mr. T. My fault ! It is Hirsute's ! Violet appears at door, l. c. Her hat is out of shape and her parasol and dress are torn and mud-stained. In one hand she carries a large bunch of weeds. Violet. Walter — Eva — I — I {She staggers in and sinks on the floor.) The Others. Violet ! Violet. I have come back to die or to haunt you — I don't know which. It is hard to die while I am so young. Mr. T. The good die young. Violet, Have pity on me — pity ! Had it not been for Mr. Hamilton and the beefsteak I might now be alive and well. Eva. Your dress is torn, Violet. Where have you been? Violet. Where have I been ? Listen ! When I left, the sun was shining, and I put up my red i)arasol. There was more of it then than there is now. I started to walk across the field, and was about half-way over when I no- THE CIIAKMS OF MUSIC. 19 ticecl that Jo Smith's l)uli was also walking in the field. It is i3robal)le that my parasol shook, for I trembled all over as the result of my final chat with Mr. Hamilton ; — at any rate, the bull became attracted by me and began to walk toward me. I walked the other way— the bull walked the other way — I mean my way. /walked more rapidly — the hull w^ilked more rapidly. I ran — the hull ran. I reached the fence — the hull reached the fence. I got over the fence— the bull did not get over the fence — and I was saved — saved ! Me. T. My darling ! Violet. Then I fainted. When I came to, Elizabeth was bending over me with my purse in her hand. She said that, after the manner in which she had been treated by me, nothing short of the contents of my purse would satisfy her. Then she disappeared — and I managed to drag myself back. Mr. T. Has Hamilton gone? Me. H. [Entering, e. 1 e., with hat, hags, and bundles.) No, Mr. Thorne, but he is going, thanks to your kind inter- ference. I am much obliged for the board and lodging Me. T. Don't mention it. Me. H. But do you not intend giving me some compen- sation in return for the musical education I have given you ? Me. T. Well, we did not intend giving you anything ; but, since you seem to expect it, here are two dollars — go and take a music lesson. [Offers him money.) Me. H. [Taking iJte money.) If you mean this as an insult I will pocket it. Thank you. Au revoir f [Aside.) I will go and get a hair cut. [Exit Me. H., l. c.) Violet. He has gone. May I stay, Walter? Me. T. You cannot go. Let us make amends. Violet. Lock the piano and give me the key. Me. T. On one condition— that you do not bring beef- steak into this house oftener than once a month. Violet. {Pouting.) Ah— well— I agree. Eva, when you are married, never let your husband bring a genius home. Eva. I promise. (Eva walks to icindow, e. c.) Me. T. Dick, never allow Eva to give you beefsteak every day for two consecutive months. Eva. "[Calling the others.) There goes Mr. Hamilton across the field. The bull is after him. [All rush to the windoiv.) [From here action must be hnrried.) Me. T. The bull is speeding the parting guest. E. D. Hamilton never ran so quickly before. Eva. The bull is gaining. 20 THE CHARMS OF MURIC. Violet. They're both gaining. Me. T. Who"^ cares ! If the bull gets him, three cheers for the bull ! K. D. He's got to the fence. Eva, Who ? E. D. The bull ! Mr T. "Where's Hirsute ? E. D. Up in the air. Eva. No. Mr. Hamilton is safe on the other side of the fence. That bundle in the air is— is Violet. {Wildly.) Let me see — it is All. ( Wildly excited and throwing np their arms ) Eliza- beth ! QUICK CURTAIN. FEENCHS DESCEIPTIVE LIST. PROSCENIUM AND DROP SCENE. Z'Zl.OiSOlES^J'XTTiZWX.— A most effective Proscenium can be formed by utilizing the paper made for this purpose. Three pieces oi wood are merely required, shaped according to this design, and covered with the paper ; the proscenium having the appearance of light blue puffed satin panels, In gold frames, with Shake- speare medallion in the centre. Puffed satin paper, Light Blue, size 20 inches by 30 inches, per sheet, 25 cts. Imitation Gold Bordering, per sheet, 25c., making 14 leet. Shakespearian Medallion, 18 inches In diameter, 50 cts. I>n.OI* SO!E3Nr3E3.— The picture shoT^^^ bf Is an Illustwu lion of this scene. It comprises four sheets of paper w hich ar* to be pasted in th© oentre of any sized canvas that may be requisit« for the drop curtain. Size 6^ feet by 5 feet. Price $2.50. 3!3^3C^XUS. — These comprise thret gneets of paper each, and can b« had either for drawing-room or cottage purposes. Size, 7 feet by 3 feet. Price, com- plete, $1.25 each. ".—This Is a parlor window formed with two sheets of paper, and could be made practicable to slide up and down. The introduction of curtains each side would make It very effective^ Size, 8 feet by 4)^ feet. Price, $1.00, complete. I"m32MOIE3C XTIT'UXriDO^T^.— Consisting of four sheets of paper, representing a window containing four lar^e ornamental frosted glass panes with colored glass around. Size 6>^ feet high by 5; t. Price $1.50. •fg*TT^ Tra 'lg» T'B /^ € 1 l«a, — This is also mAtt« with two sheetsrf paper. '''he fire Is lighted, but should this not be required a fire-paper can be hung over it It He found most useful in many farces wherein a character has to climb up a chim- ' many plays where a fireplacM is indispensable. By purchasing a door, win- ^place an ordinary room scene could easily be constructed with the addi- ^1-paper. Sisse, 3 feet by 4}^ feet. Price, complete, $1.25. FRENCH'S ACTING EDITIONS, ■PRICE, l^Ci LIBRARY OF CONGRESS ISTEW X= April Folly At Sixes and Sevens Ba^rbara Baron's Wager Betsy ] Bow Bells I Breach of Promise Breaking the Ice Brothers (The) Bubbles By Special Bequest Case for Eviction Chalk and Cheese Charity Circumstances Alter Cases Confederate Spy Compromising Case Ci'azed Crossed Love Danicheffs Dimity's Dilemma Dreams Duchess of Bayswator k Co Duty Engaged . 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