635 KEY & COMIC DRAMA Too Little Vagrants THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS OR BEWARE OF TRAMPS A FARCE IN ONE ACT / FRANK DUMONT AUTHOR OF "FALSE COLORS," "THE LADY BARBER," "THE CAKE WALK," ETC. TWO COPTES-RtCEIVED CHICAGO The dramatic publishing company As performed by Dumont's minstrels. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Farmer Wax Harry C. Shunck. Lucy Wax, his daughter Merrill Rudolph. fc- (The two tramps %&%!»"*■ Plays twenty minutes. Copyright, 1897, by the Dramatic Publishing Company, Chicago. Notice. — The professional acting rights of this play are re- served by the publishers from whom written permission must b© obtained before performance. All persons giving unauthorized productions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This notice does not apply to amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. PROPERTIES. A box for " scare-crow " to stand upon so he will be entirely visible over top of fence. A packing case or pig pen. Gun, sure fire. Revolver. Long stuffed snake, eight feet in length, with snap hook in its mouth. Pail with lumps of bread. Some flour in the pig pen. A dummy counterpart of Rags. A funny dummy scare-crow held upright by a stick stuck into the box. It has straw protruding from legs, arms and mask. A large carving knife. A plain upright pump to be solid until carried off by Tramp. 'TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." Scene : Farm yard. Landscape. Set House L. 2 E. Fence across stage at back with a scarecrow center seen above the fences. Pigsty e R. 2 E. Dummy behind it to ascend by string at cue. Pump c. Enter Farmer Wax with Lucy W&xfrom house.] Farmer. Don't talk back to me ! You'll marry a farmer and no one else. These city chaps are no good and a daughter of mine will marry the man I pick out for her. Lucy. Haven't I got the privilege of marrying the man I love ? Farmer. No. I won't have a dude for a son-in-law. What good would he be around this farm ? He Couldn't keep the tramps away and that is just what I need most. Tramps have stolen every chicken I had on the farm. They've stolen the horse — the hog — the cow — and even carried off the haystack. Lucy. Edgar would protect you from tramps. Farmer. Don't talk to me about a bicycle-faced dude like him. He'd better keep away from here or I'll put a load of buck- shot into him. We have but one pig left on the farm — and I don't know how long it will be before tramps come along and steal him too. Lucy. But Edgar could watch for them, I'm sure. Farmer. Stop talking about Edgar — You'll marry a farmer or you'll never marry anybody. Go into the house and finish your ironing. Go ahead ! Don't talk to me about that chicken- breasted dude again. Lucy. I'll die an old maid. Farmer. I don't care if you die a widow — get in, I say ! [They exit into house, Rags enters R. 1 E. and his churn, Tatters, follows slowly. They are ragged and footsore tramps,] 5 "TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." Come along— here's a place. I don't hear any dogs and fguess we've struck luck. [Tatters goes up stage and suddenly sees the scarecrow — utters a yell of fright.} Tatters. Oh ! cheese it ! There's the farmer. {Dashes out R. i E.J Rags. {Calls after him.'] Here ! Come back ! Tatters ! Come back — It's only a scarecrow ! [Coaxes Tatters back who timidly peers in from r. i e.] Tatters. Sure it ain't alive ? Rags. Certainly not. Come along. We'll rob the place. Tatters. I'll take anything I can get my hands on. Oh ! A pump ! I'll swipe that. [Tugs at the pump and lifting it up, runs away with it, R. I E. Rags laughs.] Rags. Now that he has stolen the pump, he'd ought to steal a bar of soap and take a bath. Tatters. [Returning R. i E.J Well I've got the pump. They can't offer me any water. They've got to give me some milk. Rags. Come on. We'll rob the house. Tatters. Let's rob the kitchen first. I'm so hungry and empty that the first mouthful I get, I'll bet I can hear it drop down into my shoes. Rags. Cheese it. Here comes somebody, hide. Tatters. Where ? where ? Rags. Take the place of the scarecrow. I'll jump into the pigpen. [Jimips into sty. Tatters hurries over fence, re- moves scarecrow and stands in its place.] Tatters. Lookout! Be a pig ! I'm a scarecrow ! [Enter Lucy, crosses with pailfro?n house.] Lucy. Father is so afraid of tramps and yet he won't allow any one to come here and protect him. Tatters. Hey ! Little girl ! [Lucy looks off v..] Rags. [From pen.] Hey ! Ah there ! She looks offR.] Lucy. I wonder who is calling me ? Perhaps it is Edgar. [Tramps call to her again and she comes close to scarecrow — gazes at it — Tatters strikes different attitudes when ever she looks away from him.] Ugh ! That horrid scarecrow — I'm so afraid of it. Oh my ! but it is ugly — and frightful ! We have just one pig left. I hope that hasn't been stolen. [Rags in pig pen imitates a pig and squeals.] Oh ! It is still there and I guess I'll feed it. Tatters. Feed the scarecrow first ! [She turns.] Lucy. I thought I heard some one say feed the scare crow first. [Laughs.] How foolish. Now I'll feed the pig. [She "TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." 7 is standing near scarecrow and Tatters reaches down and takes large bits of bread out of her pail and devours it — filling his mouth. She goes over to pen and turns. Tatters hides bread behi?id him leaving big lump in his mouth.] Lucy. What a funny looking scarecrow. But I think the pig must be hungry by this time. Is poor piggy hungry ? [Rags squeals loudly.'] Yes, it is very hungry. [Tatters imi- tates a pig.] Tatters. Piggy over here is hungry too ! Lucy. [Turns quick.] Oh dear me ! I thought I saw that scarecrow move. I thought I saw it winking at me. I'll go in and tell father. [Enters house.] Rag's. {Peers over pen.] There! You've spoilt everything. We've got to get out of this. [ Just as he is climbing out of pen, and Tatters is about to descend from his pedestal, as the scare- crow, the Farmer is heard speaking and approaching.] Parmer. I'll see about this! [Tramps resume their posi- tions. Farmer enters from house with a gun. Tramps show terror.] Tatters. Oh, look at the gun ! Look at the gun ! Farmer. That girl's head is completely turned, by that con- founded Dude and I believe she's going crazy. [Looks at scare- crow. Catching Tatters in an awkward attitude.] By graci- ous, that scarecrow is nearly falling over. What a good target it would make, for me to practice on. I never thought of it before. [Levels gun at it. Tatters trembles.] Incase tramps did come around here, I could be a dead shot. I think I could put a bullet right into its eye ! Tatters. [Groaning.'] Oh ! oh ! He's going to shoot my eye out. [Rags is peering over top of pen laughing at Tatters and bidding him be quiet.] Farmer. Now there's a knot-hole in that pig-stye. [Turns, andJl&gs dodges down.] I'll just aim at that ! Tatters. [Delighted.] That's right — shoot the pig ! Farmer. That's a good shot if I make it — the knot hole. [Aims gun, Rags squeals and makes noise in the pig-pen and exclaims " don't kill piggie," at intervals.] One would almost imagine that the pig can talk. Well, I won't shoot at that knot- hole. That scarecrow. [Turns gun towards it, and Tatters almost drops from terror.] Nobody would miss it. I'll blow the top of it's head off ! Tatters. Oh ! dear ! oh dear ! I'm a gone tramp ! Farmer. I know what I'll do. I'll shoot a clay pipe from it's mouth. [Goes up and puts pipe in Tatter's mouth who grinu S "TOO LITTLE VAGRANTS." *ct$. and holds it. He is afraid to drop it, as Farmer backs away keeping his eyes upon him.] That's a bully shot. If I I don't hit that pipe, I'll plug the scarecrow, so what difference dx>es it make. [Aims, and is about to fire, when he lowers the gun.] Oh ! I forgot something. I started out here to fool tramps ! [Produces a large carving knife.] They won't steal any more live stock from me. I'm going to kill the pig! [Rags dodges down squeals ad lib. Tatters laughs at his predic- ament, and Farmer sharpens knife on his shoe.] Tatters. Oh ! he's going to cut the pig's throat. I'm glad I ain't a pig ! [Farmer goes to stye and Rags becomes very frightened, and trying to get out unseen by Farmer. Tatters laughs at Rags. Suddenly the Farmer turns and almost catches Tatters dancing for joy. Tatters has to hold one leg up in act of dancing, and stand in awkward attitude, until Farmer looks away from him.] Tatters. Gosh ! He near had me that time. Farmer. Now to kill the pig, and cut him up for smoked bacon. Ra^S. Here goes to save my bacon ! [As Farmer leans over and grabs Rags by the ear, Rags throws flour into Farmer's face, Tatters jumps down from his pedestal, and seeks to es- cape r. i e. Bumps into Farmer and knocks him down c. Tatters escapes R. i E. Farmer produces a revolver and just as Rag3 is climbing out of pig-pen he fires at him. "Rags falls back into the pig-pen out of sight. Farmer quickly gets his gun which he had laid upon the ground C, and fires at the pig-pen. A dummy counterpart of Rags is pulled up by wire or string out of pig-pen, at same moment Tatters rushes in from R. i E. with a big snake {dummy) about eight feet long hitched by snap-hook to ring sewed to seat of Tatter's pants. Lucy has entered from house and stands before door-way screaming for " help " etc. Have action of climax work rapidly soon as gun is fired, the dummy is pulled up out of pen, and Tatters rushes in with snake attached to him— Yelling " Take it off, Take it off. Snakes ! Snakes ! " Farmer trying to get a shot at him. CURTAIN. the pbamatio publishing compahk'8 catalogue i897==i8o8. New Ethiopian Dramas. Price, 15 cents each. The following plays are all by the well known minstrel man Frank Dnmont. Each one has been successful on the professional stage bat now for the first time is presented in printed form. Fall and minute stage directions accom- pany each book of the play, and Mr. Dumont has made them very complete in every respect. Several of these plays may be played white face. Cake Walk. Farce in one scene by Frank Dumont. Fourteen characters, half of them in female dress. Plays fifteen minutes. The Cake Walk is one of the most character- istic darkey entertainments and this farce presents all of its ludicrous situations. The plain interior scene can be easily arranged and the properties are as simple. The "cake," "the bad coon," and the fat wench's antics are all side splittingly funny. False Colors. A black sketch in two scenes by Frank Dumont. Three male characters. Plays twenty minutes. A street and an interior scenes. One character appears in mili- tary dress with pistols and sword in belt, the remaining two characters are typical tramps at first and then disguise them- selves in outlandish military uniforms. The fun is slow and dry but bursts into uproarious burlesque at the end. HOW to Get a Divorce. Farce in one act by Frank Dumont. Eight male, three female characters, beside " a jury and other bits of judicial brie a brae." Plays fifteen minutes. This is a farce which is very funny played with white faces although originally written for minstrels. The scene is a court room and Judge Alimony separates three happy couples, before Mrs. Alimony breaks up the court proceedings. Jack Sheppard and Joe Blueskin, or Amateur Road Agents. Melodramatic burlesque in on« act, by Frank Dumont. Six characters. Plays twenty minutei. landscape scene. This is done for minstrels. The two des- peradoes, Jack and Joe are very funny and the piece acted with spirit is a sure hit. The dialogue gives opportunity for any amount of business and is full of genuine darkey humor. THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY'S CATALOGUE NEW ETHIOPIAN DRAMAS.—Continued. The Lady Barber. Sketch in one scene by Frank Du- mont. Four characters, two of them appear in female dress. Plays twenty minutes. Scene — a, barber shop. This is one of Mr. Dumont's strongest plays. The fun begins immediately when the proprietor induces the white-wash man to assume the dress of a lady and take charge of the customers and in- creases until the shop is cleared out in a fast and furiously funny manner. Other People's Troubles. An eccentricity in one scene by Frank Dumont. Three male, two female characters. Interior scene. Plays fifteen minutes. This sketch may be played white or black face and has been successful on the pro- fessional stage, Iyew Dockstader making a fine Zack. The play is a * 'screamer," full of smart sayings and funny situa- tions. The end is a rattling climax of merriment. The Serenade Party; or, The Miser's Troubles. A black sketch in one act, by Frank Dumont. Four characters, one in female dress. Plays twenty minutes. Interior scene. A popular professional sketch. The miser and his servant's efforts to deceive one another and their guests are uproariously funny. Here is great opportunity for fine business and full directions are given by the author in every book of the play. Too Little Vagrants; or, Beware of Tramps. Farce in one act by Frank Dumont. Three male, one female characters. Plays twenty minutes. One exterior scene. May be produced white or black face. This play introduces two of the most comical of tramp characters. The position of one of them forced to stand as a scare crow is very funny. There is nothing offensive in the bright and rapid dialogue. The Undertaker's Daughter. Farce in one act, by Frank Dumont. Three male, one female characters. Plays twenty-five minutes. Plain chamber scene. This play may be given white or black face, and has been successful each way on the professional stage. The motive, dialogue and action all very original, bring screams of laughter from all audiences. Full stage directions accompany the book of the play. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 215 095 9 4 PLAYS. BEING the largest theatrical booksellers in the United States, we keep in stock the most complete and best assorted lines of plays and entertainment books to be found in this country. We can supply any play or book pub- lished. We have issued a 120-page catalogue of the best 1500 plays and entertainment books published in the U. S. and England. It con- tains a full description of each play, giving number of characters, time of playing, scenery, costumes, etc. This catalogue will be sent free on application. The plays described are suitable for am- ateurs and professionals, and nearly all of them may be performed free of royalty. Persons in- terested in dramatic books should examine our catalogue before ordering elsewhere. The Dramatic Publishing Company, CHICAGO.