Price 25 Cento PAINE'S MONOLOGUES Susan Gets Ready For Church Mac KENZIE PAINE PUBLISHING CO. DAYTON, OHIO NO PLAYS EXCHANGED School Classic Series JUST THE BOOKS you want for Supplementary Reading and Study — Fables and Myths, Nature Stories, and Stories of Geography, History and the Industries, as well as selections from leading authors and poets. Each book contains about thirty-two pages of Choice Literature carefully graded. THE LIST CLASSIFIED AND GRADED FIRST GRADE History an* Biography- Fables and Myths 36 Story of Columbus ' —' ' - • 23 Story or LongteUow 24 Story of Old Virgima 25 Story of Independence — 1 (Beginning of tke Revolution) 26 Story of Independence — II - (War in Middle Colonies) 27 Story of Independence — III (War in Southern Coloniei) 28 The Boston Tea Party I Old Fables— Aesop 2 Stories from Andeiseo — I 3 Nursery Tales Nature— 4 Animal Stories History Stories— 5 Boyhood Stories — I V Columbus, Washington) Geography— 6 Children of Many Lands — 1 (A Queer Little Elskimo) SECOND GRADE Fables and Myths— 7 Stories from Andersen — II 6 Grimm's Fairy Tales 1 Adventures of a Brownie 1 2 Jack and the Beanstalk I S Robinson Crusoe 29 Little Red Riding Hood 33 Story of Hiawatha Wature 9 Bird Stories— 1 (The Robin and Bluebird) Geography 1 1 Children of Many Lanc*"^II (Ten Litde Indians) History and Biography 1 4 Story of the Pilgrims 15 Boyhood Stories — II (Franklin, Webster, Garfield)] THIRD OKi\D£ Stories and Myths 16 Indian Myths 1 7 Greek Myths 18 Stories from Andeficn^II Nature— 19 Bird Stories— II (The Sparrow Fan^ily) 20 From Seed to Fruif (Studies of Plant LifeJ Geography— 21 Children of Many Unds-III (Keniiro, the Japanese Boy) FOURTH GRADE Legends— 22 Norse Gods and Heroes 3 1 Leseads of the Rhine Nature— 32 Bird Stories— III (The Woodpecker Family) Geography- 34 Stories of Coal and Iron 35 Story of Cotton 37 Animals of the Hot Belt 38 Animals of the Cold Belt 44 Children of Many Lands~IV (Karl and Katherine in Holland) History and Biography— 39 Story of Washington 40 Story of Lincoln 41 Great Inventors — 1 (Watt, Stephcns«n, Fulton) 43 St«ry of Daniel Boone FIFTH GRADK Gtography— 45 Children of Many Unds— V (Fu Chen, a Little Chinese Girl) 49 Story of Silk History and Biography-^ 50 Great Inventors— II (Morse, Fid^, Edison) Price 6c Each, 72c per Doz«n. 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PAINE PUBLISHING CO., Dayton, Ohio Literature— 46 The Golden Touch (Hawthorne) 55 The Kins o( ihe River (Ruskin) SIXTH GRADE History and BioRraphy— 42 Great Naval Command«n (Jones, Perry, Farragut) 51 Great Statesmen (Clay, Webstw, Calhoun) 47 Story of Canada Literature— 48 The Snow Imago (Hawthorne) 64 Rip Van Winkle (Irvin.) 65 Legend of Sleepy Hollow (Irving) 79 Rab and His Friendi 59 Thanaloptis (Bryant) 66 Pied Piper of Hameli^ (Browning) SEVENTH CRADC Literature— 30 The Man Without a CouB' try (Hale) 69 Courtship of Miles Sttndiui (Longfellow) 70 Evangeline (Longfellow) 7 1 The Great Stone Face (Hawthorne) 72 Snowbound (Whitlier) EIGHTH GRAVK Literature— 73 The Downed Village , (Goldsmith) 74 9toriet of King Arthur 75 Enoch Arden (Tennytoo) 76 Vision oi Sir Launfal (Lowell) 77 The Cotter's Saturday Night (Burns) 76 Speeches of Lincoln Susan Gets Readj For Church A Monologue BY EDNA L MAC KENZIE Author of "As Our Washwoman Sees It,'* *The Country Cousin Spca}?s Her Mind,'' ''Thai Awful Letter,' *'A Double Tragedy, Almost." Copyright 1920, by PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANl DAYTON, OHIO ©CI.D 54606 MM 2^ 1920 » I • SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH Character — An ordinary girl in an ordinary house on a Sunday morning. Susan — Rushes in, sits down at a table and looks dis- gustedly at her breakfast. Mother, what in the world did you let me oversleep for anyway? This toast is all dried up, (Takes top off egg) and just look at that egg; it's as hard as a rock and if there's anything I detest, it's a hard-boiled — (In surprise) You did call me? Oh, of course, but that was ages ago and you know I always take another nap after the first — Am I going to church? (With sarcasm) Well, what do you think I am ! A lightning change artist, to be able to get ready in about five seconds! (takes a bite of toast). I know it's just a quarter after ten but I simply couldn't get dressed in less than an hour and church begins at eleven. Besides I havenH had my breakfast yet. (Takes a drink and makes a wry face). Goodness, but this coffee is awfully strong. It tastes as though it had been boiling for hours. It's enough to poison — (pause). Oh, a returned missionary is going to speak? Then I'm glad I'm not going, for if there's anything I hate to have to listen to, it's a missionary sermon. They have generally forgotten how to speak the English language and keep saying A-a-h-uh until they get the word they're after. I counted 3 SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. two hundred and fifty-three A-a-h-uh's in that address that man from China — (indignantly) I don't see why I should be ashamed of myself. I had to do something to keep awake. And they're always begging for money, too. The heathen don't need it nearly as badly as I do. Why, I had to pay ten dollars for my new hat alone, while they can clothe themselves on that many cents. Their costumes are so simple, you know, just a frill around — (in surprise) , Madge got her new hat home last night! And she told me the milliner couldn't possibly have it ready for to-day. To think she'd lie to her best friend like that! (jumps up hurriedly) , That settles it ; I'll simply have to go to church now, mis- sionary or no missionary, (pause,). You don't see what Madge's hat has to do with my go- ing to church ? Why, mother, the very idea, when you know I've had mine for two whole days. I wouldn't let her get ahead of me for the -- (pause). No, I haven't time for another bite. It's all cold anyway. Here Jimmie, (stoops and takes off shoes) give these shoes a shine and I'll give you a nickel. (Indignantly) Your conscience won't let you do it for less than ten cents because it's Sunday! Whoever heard of the like ! First time I knew you had a conscience. 4 SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. Well, I guess Til have to give it to you then, but it will have to come out of my collection, so remember, it's the church you're robbing, not — (Puts hand up to hair,) Oh, I forgot, my hair isn't done yet, I must run up and do it; I'll never get ready in time. (Takes down hair, brushes and puts it up, talking con- tinuously.) Say, I'd like to know who's been swiping my "hair-pins! I just bought a box last week and now there's only four — (calls) Bess— ie! Have you taken my hair-pins? (Pause,) Well, you needn't snap my head off. I saw you slitting the pages of your book with one, I know. Come and hunt me up some of mother's, then. Hurry, or I'll be late. (Pause.) You can find only one ? Thanks, now run down and take a couple out of mother's hair, she won't mind. Be quick. Jim— ie! Have you got those shoes shined yet? (Pause,) Well, hurry up. (Pau^e,) She says her hair will come down? Well, tell her to bundle it under a boudoir cap. (Pause,) Oh, Bessie, you're a dear. Now get my dress for m.e ; it's hanging on the nail behind the closet door. (Pause.). No, not that one, that color wouldn't go with my new hat at— (Pause,) You can't find it? Oh, dear, I guess I'll have to hunt for it myself. (Takes a few steps and searches frantically,) SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. There, (slipping it over her head) it was just exactly where I told you it was — hanging behind the door, under my suit skirt, that dress and my georgette crepe waist. It was there all the time, but some people are so afraid of looking for anything for fear they might find it. Now fasten it up for me. (Calls.) Jim— mie, hurr — (Jumps.) Ouch! You're stick- ing a pin in me. Do be more careful. (Calls as she fixes her dress.) Mother, get my collection ready for me, please. I can just give a nickel since Jim — (Pause.) Oh, my purse is in one of my boxes in the side. (Pause.) There are five boxes? I don't know which one it's in ; look in them all. (Pause.) Not in any of them? Oh, I know now. I left it in my coat pocket. It's hanging on the hall-rack. There goes the first bell, FU never get — Nothing in it less than a dollar bill? Well, Til not give that, that's one thing certain. Lend me a nickel to tide me over — (Calls) Jim— mie, aren't those shoes shined yet? (Pause.) Mother you shouldn't let him use such words, they're not — Oh, Bessie, run and get me a handkerchief out of my box. (Pause.) None there? Then get me one of yours. (Pause.) Yes, mother, I'm coming down. Oh, dear, where's my hymn-book? I left it on top of SUSAN. GETS. READY FOR CHURCH. those books last Sunday. I guess it's fallen behind, {Pulls cut books.) No, it isn't here. Where — Oh, Bessie, will you hunt up my gloves? (Pause.) No, I hciven't the least idea where they are. Look in that drawer. (Pause.) Not there? Then look in the writing — Oh, I re- member, I left them over to Edith's. I simply can't go to church without them, so run and get them. ITurry, I'm late iiow. ( Calls) Jimmie, aren't those shoes done yet? ilqther, do make him hurr}'. Til nev — I suppose I might be putting en m.}^ liat while I'm wait- ing. (Puts it oil carefully.) ^Mother, which v/a}^ do you like it best? This Avay, {Jcvhs it to the left.) or this?' (J cries it to tlic rigJit.) You like it best en straight ?" But mother, it must have a dip or it won't be in style. There, {Jerks to the left and examines critically.) I like it that way best. The way that curl pokes out is too cute for — Where's my fancy hat-pins gone ? You can't keep anything around this place, ril have to take Bessie's. (Calls.) Oh, Tim— mie, do get a move on! (Severely.) Don't get into such a temper. TIow did I know you were coming. ' hodness, hut that's some shine you've got. (Puts them 071.^ Y-:u*d think — oh, oh. look at my hands : they're all over shoe polish. I'll have to wash them aq'ain. SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. I'll never, never get to church. (Indignantly) Jimmy Sm_ith, the idea of saying it's my own fault. I couldn't waken if nobody called me, could I? You ought to be so thankful that you have a sister VN^ho's anxious to go to church that you'd do anything to help her get ready. Has any one found my liymn-book yet? Never mind, I'll get one at the door as I go — Jimmie, run and see if — Oh, here you are, Bessie. I thought you were never coming. (Takes ^^^lovcs cud starts to put one on.) These aren't my gloves ; they're Edith's, and she takes a half size smaller than I do. No, you haven't time to go back and get mine so TH have to wear them., but they'll be a j)retty tight fit. (Pause.) WtW, just look at that ! Split right down the middle. They must be' awfully poor kid. I didn't think she'd buy such cheap things. I'll have to hide the tear with my handker-- Oh, there goes the last bell. I'll be most awfully late, likely they'll be finishing the first bymn. I think you people might have helped me more. One good thing, :\Iadge can't m.iss seeing me. Oh, I'm going off without my handkerchief. Run and get it for me, Jimmie. Mother, are you sure my hat's on straight? Wouldn't it be awful if -Madge weren't out after all! CURTAIN. 8 FAMOUS FIVE CENT DISL0GUE9 DOCTOR AND PATIENT. By John M. Drake. 2 nial^ characters. Very funny. DOLL DIALOGUE. This is a very instructive dialogue for 4 little girls. GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE. A dialogue by Mrs. Hunt. For 1 male and 3 feimale char.acters. LOST DOG, THE. An excellent comic dialogue with following cast: Mr. Taylor, owner of the dog; Mrs. Taylor; Billy, their son; Chinaman, Dutchman, Irishman, and Mr. Smith. NO PEDDLERS WANTED. For 4 boys. A funny dialogue that satisfies. OUR TRAMPS. A humorous dialogue for two boys and three girls. Two of the larger pupils should be dressed to represent grandfather and granimother. A small boy and two small girls for tramps, to be dressed in old clothes bejlonging to grown-up people. PEARL'S CHRISTMAS. Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. PETERTOWN PROPOSAL, THE. A dialogue for two small chil- dren, a boy and a girl. PICNIC, A. A realistic and humorous dialogue for six boys and ten REVIEWING FOR EXAMINATION. By Chas. McClintic. 1 male, 2 female characters. SILENT INTRUDER, THE. By Eugene Harold. A comic dialogue for two male characters. You should see the clerk placed under the -^^pnotic spell. SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING, A. A comic dialogue for a deaf lady and fa tramp. Three copies for ten cents. UNCLE PETER^S VISIT TO THE SCHOOL, A comic dialogue for 2 male and 3 female characters. 10 minutes. UNGROUNDED SUSPICIONS. For three boys. Shows how people are often unjustly accused. Three copies, ten cents. THE WAY TO WYNDHAM. A comic dialogue for 2 male characters. 10 minutes. An excellent dialogue. THE WEDDING NOTICE. A comic Irish dialogue that is rich and rare and racy. ETIiVIOUS TEN CENT DIALOGUES ARABELLA'S POOR RELATION. A very popular dialogue, with the following characters : Arabella, a very proud city girl ; Mary Taylor, her poor cousin ; Joshua Hopkins, a typical down-east farmer from Ver- mont, one of the poor (?) relations; Robert Clarewden in search of a wife. Four copies, thirty cents. AUNT SALLIE'S DOCTOR. A Christian Science dialogue for two male and two female characters. Some fun and some truth in the dialogue. AUNT VINEGAR'S MONEY. This is a dialogue for five female char- acters, by Mrs. A. Hunt. Some fun and truth in the dialogue. DEACON'S DILEMMA, THE. A comic dialogue, for one male, one female and a little girl. The deacon and the lady think that matrimony is the thing for them, but after many amusing differences, change their minds. DEAF UNCLE ZED. A comic dialogue in two scenes, for four male land three female characters. Uncle Zed has lots of cash, and can hear all right when he wants to. DOIG'S EXCELLENT DIALOGUES. By Agnes M. Doig. Con- tains four very pleasing short dialogues for little people, as follows: Keeping Store, Guessing, Playing School, and Christmas Eve. All good. POOR RELATION, THE. A comic dialogue in two parts, for five male characters. This dialogue shows that promises do not amount to much. It is what one does that counts. SCHOOL AFFAIRS IN RIVERHEAD DISTRICT. Characters: Teacher, children, and Board of Education. In four scenes. SCHOpL GIRL'S STRATEGY, A. A humorous dialogue for one male and eight female characters, and as many more school girls as con- venient. Three interior scenes, one representing a school-room. One girl who has been writing essays for the other erirls, on this occasion writes tham all alike^ l^ot of fun. Eight copies for fifty cents. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS NewE By These songs can beu 0014211 993 6 # he music is easy, and both music anu wuius ax^^ capcwx«nj T^at^u^. ^»uldren like them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price 85 cents each. Five copies, $1.00. WE HOPE YOU'VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG. A welcome song that will at once put the audience in a joyous frame of mind and create a happy impression that will mean half the success of your entire program. Words, bright and inspiring. Music, catchy. WE'LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE. This beautiful song has snap and go that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just the song to send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion. WE'VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN. This song will bring memories to the listeners of their own bashful school days. Words, unusually clever. Music, decidedly melodious. A capital welcome song, or it may be sung at any time on the program with assured success. MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE THEE. A song that will bring a thrill of patriotism to the heart of every one who hears it. The chil- dren and grown-up€ just can't resist the catchy music. It makes a cap- ital marching song, COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE. A merry welcome song and a jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately curious about the Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise the listeners with the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful. ^ LULLABY LANE. The music and words blend so beautifully that people will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether simg by the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little girls with dolls. JOLLY PICKANINNIES. Words by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Music by Edna R. Worrell. This spicy coon song will bring down the house, especially if you use the directions for the motions which accompany the music. The black faces and shining eyes of the pickaninnies will guar- antee a hit. The words are great and the music just right. THE LITTLE BIRD'S SECRET. Here is just the song for those two little folks to sing together. They won't have to be coaxed* to sing it, especially when they find that the whole school is to whistle the chorus. This is a decided novelty, and will prove a rare treat to your audience. A GARDEN ROMANCE. This is a dainty little song telling of the romance and wedding of Marigold and Sweet William. It is just the song for dainty little girls to sing. COME TO THE NURSERY RHYME GARDEN AND PLAY. Here is something different for the little folks to sing. The Nursery Rhyme Folk are so familiar to children, it will be no trick for them to remember the words. The music has a most captivating swing. Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio