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3 UNCLE SI'S 
 ? PREDICAMENT 
 
 A Drama in Three Acts 
 
 By 
 
 WILLIAM AND JOSEPHINE GILES 
 
 AUTHORS OF a THE HOOSIER SCHOOL" 
 
 Copyright, 1911, by Dick & Fitzgerald 
 
 NEW YORK 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers 
 
 18 ANN STREET 
 
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 D 23877 
 
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Note. — The professional rights of this Play are expressly- 
 reserved by the Publishers, to whom Theatrical Managers 
 who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur representation 
 may be made without such application and without charge. 
 
 Uncle Si's Predicament. 
 
 CHARACTERS. 
 
 Jack Grandt, A man of force Lead 
 
 Si. Crofford, "Uncle Si," A man with money . Old man 
 
 Harold Crofford, Si's adopted son Heavy 
 
 Gabe Watson, A gentleman of color .... Comedy 
 
 Tramp Character 
 
 Millie Van Cliff, An orphan ....... Lead 
 
 Eunice Crofford, Si's niece Character 
 
 Miss Simpkins, A deaf old maid Landlady 
 
 Eliza Watson, Gabe's wife Black-face 
 
 Time. — The present. 
 
 Locality. — A mining town. 
 
 Time of Representation. — About two hours. 
 
 Costumes. — Modern. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I. — Eliza and Gabe go for the clothes. Jack's offer 
 to Millie and her answer. Crofford's villainy and what he 
 wants the tramp to do. Uncle Si. and Eunice arrive. Uncle 
 Si.'s unintended proposal. Crofford shamefully traduces Mil- 
 lie, but she is ably defended by Jack. 
 
 Act II. — Crofford and Millie at the old mine. Crofford's 
 base insinuations. Millie thrown into the mine. Jack to 
 the rescue. Millie saved. 
 
 Act III. — Gabe's demand of Crofford. Crofford's anxiety 
 for an immediate marriage. Uncle Si.'s attempt to order the 
 wedding supper. Millie's story. Encounter between Jack 
 and Crofford. Crofford's end. 
 
4. Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 PROPERTIES. 
 
 Lantern, rope, spectacles and revolver for Gabe. Clothes- 
 basket for Eliza. Duster for Miss Simpkins. Card, pencil, 
 money and revolver for Jack. Paper, pencil and coin for Si. 
 Watch, revolver, document representing marriage certificate 
 and money for Crofford. 
 
 STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
 
 As viewed by a performer on the stage facing the audience, 
 r. means right hand of stage; l., left hand; c, centre of stage; 
 d., door; c. d., door in centre of rear flat; up, toward rear of 
 stage; down, toward the footlights. 
 
 R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene. — Parlor in Miss Simpkins' boarding house, neatly and 
 comfortably furnished. Table and two chairs r. c. Sofa l. 
 Singing at rise of curtain. A Southern melody. 
 
 ENTER Gabe and Eliza at c. Gabe with lantern, Eliza 
 with clothes-basket. 
 
 Gabe (looking around). Lawze, Liza, we am all done in 
 the wrong place. I'se all done told you not to come up heah, 
 for people don't keep dar dirty close in de parlor. 
 
 Eliza. Oh! Come on Gabe, what does you know about a 
 hotel, why you neber was in one or seen one before. Huh, if 
 it wasn't for me you would have all done broke your fool neck 
 long ago rubbering around in places you don't know nothin' 
 a"bout. 
 
 Gabe. Now look here, Liza, you have all done been trying 
 to quarrel with me all day. You all done know very well dat 
 when I was travelling, I'se all done stopped at de very best hotels 
 in New York and other big towns, and — I tell you, Liza, you 
 can't fool Gabe. 
 
 Eliza. Yes, you stopped at de door and looked in and then 
 went on and hunted up a free lunch counter, or went around 
 to some back door and got a hand-out, that's what you done, 
 and I knows it. Oh, you can't talk to me for I knows you all 
 right, you good for nothing nigger. 
 
 Gabe (takes her by the arm) . Oh, Liza, lets make up and quit 
 all dis quar'ling. You know I love you and dis quar'ling am 
 just killing me, for I love you so. (Puts hand to eyes) Why, 
 I would die for you, Liza, without being killed. Now, Liza, 
 can't you see how I love you? 
 
 Eliza. Yes, you say dat to me and tell me all of this kind 
 
 5 
 
6 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 of things, but how about dat ole Cinda Jones and dat big old 
 black-face Myra Green, the old dough faces dat dey am. Yo 
 forgets how I caught yo talkin' in your sleep one night bout 
 dem. Oh, you can't fool dis chicken. 
 
 Gabe. Chicken — chicken — who said chicken, Liza? (Starts, 
 looks around) I don't see any chicken. 
 
 Eliza. Oh, you don't need to try and change de subject 
 now, you all done know what I said about de chicken. I'se all 
 done hit de nail on de head. 
 
 Gabe. Now, Liza, you majine all dis. Why, I wouldn't 
 look at dem old things. Why, Liza, lawse, dar ain't one of 
 dem half as good looking as you am. I done think you am de 
 purtiest gal I eber seed. 
 
 Eliza. Now, Gabe, am you telling me de truff? 
 
 Gabe. Why, course I am, Liza. Now let's cut out all dis 
 foolishness and jolly up; it's foolish foh you to talk dat way; 
 come on, let's have a little fun and forget all about it. Why, 
 I wouldn't look at any other woman but you; come on, Liza, 
 forget it. 
 
 Eliza. Why, Gabe, what does you want me to do? 
 
 Gabe. Liza, I want you to sing a little song, and dance. 
 Why, Liza, you all done know I dearly love to heah your sweet 
 voice. 
 
 Eliza. Oh! I can't sing or dance, Gabe, and you all done 
 know I can't. 
 
 Gabe. Why, Liza, if I was as big and ugly as you am, I 
 tell you I would sing and dance both. 
 
 Eliza. Now, Gabe, don't flatter me. 
 
 Gabe. I'se not flattering you, Liza. (Eliza and Gabe 
 sing. Gabe pats for Eliza to dance, but becoming tired, starts 
 to leave l. Eliza keeps on dancing) Come on, Liza, dat will 
 do. (Eliza continues to dance) Come on, Liza, dat will do. 
 (Eliza keeps on dancing; Gabe takes her by the arm) Come, 
 Liza, let's get de washing. (Picks up basket and pulls her off 
 stage at l. d., dancing.) 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins, r. d., dusting. 
 
 Miss Simpkins. Land sakes! I never did see the like! It 
 'pears as though some people don't know what's good for them. 
 Now there's Miss Millie Van Cliff, the young lady who teaches 
 school here, why, she could marry the finest young man I ever 
 seen and she won't have anything to do with him, and he is 
 just dead gone on her. I can't find out what the trouble is, 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 7 
 
 but I would like to know. I used to kinder think her and 
 that Harold Crofford might get married, but there seems ter 
 be something wrong between them now, and I can't find out 
 what it is, but I would like to know. I guess he's going to 
 marry his cousin; I heard he had been going with her a long 
 time, and then their uncle says as how he won't leave his money 
 to either one of them unless they get married. Some people 
 have been saying powerful slighty things about Miss Millie 
 and Harold Crofford, but I don't believe a word of it. But I 
 have seen some funny actions between them myself, and then 
 Miss Millie seems so powerful down-hearted all the time; I 
 can't understand it, but I would like to know. Land sakes, 
 here it is getting so late and that Liza Watson has never come 
 for the washing yet; I wonder if she intends doing it to-day, 
 I would like to know. 
 
 ENTER Jack Grandt, c. d. Speaks loudly all through this 
 
 scene. 
 
 Jack. Good morning, Miss Simpkins. 
 
 Miss S. (jumps). Oh! Why, good morning, Mr. Grandt. 
 You frightened me, you see I am so nervous, and I am so easily 
 startled. But that was a fine rain we had this morning, and 
 we surely needed it. 
 
 Jack. Yes indeed, it certainly was a fine rain. By the 
 way, Miss Simpkins, I would like to speak to Miss Van Cliff. 
 Do you know where she is? 
 
 Miss S. Land sakes, yes, she is in her room. She is in her 
 room nearly all the time, indeed, I never saw the like, she 
 just acts like she hadn't a friend in the world and she knows 
 well enough there ain't a man, woman or child in the whole 
 town that wouldn't do anything they could for her. But to 
 tell the truth, Mr. Grandt, I believe Millie has some secret 
 trouble and I just can't find out what it is, but I would like 
 to know. 
 
 Jack {aside). No doubt. (Aloud) Do you suppose she 
 could see me this morning, Miss Simpkins? 
 
 Miss S. Indeed, Mr. Grandt, I don't know, but I will go 
 and tell her that you wish to see her. 
 
 Jack. If you please, Miss Simpkins. I will be very grateful 
 to you for such a favor. 
 
 Miss S. Oh, Mr. Grandt, don't mention it. (Aside) I do 
 believe there is something going on here that I don't know 
 anything about, but I would like to know. [EXIT r. d. 
 
8 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 Jack. Now the time has come that I must speak. Will she 
 listen to me. or will she turn from me with scorn? But I must 
 tell her, let her answer be what it will, for I cannot bear this 
 suspense any longer. I must see her at all risk and compel 
 her to listen to my plea, to look into my eyes and read there 
 the love that fills my soul. 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins, r. d. 
 
 Miss S. For the land sakes, Mr. Grandt, I had an awful 
 time getting her to come, but finally I did get her coaxed up 
 to see you. I told her you was going away and wanted to 
 bid her good-bye before you went. I did hear you was going 
 away, is it so, Mr. Grandt? I would like to know. 
 
 Jack. Yes, Miss Simpkins, it is; I was just going to tell 
 you. But I wish to retain my room as I expect to return in 
 a few weeks. 
 
 Miss S. Oh, all right, Mr. Gr*andt, of course I shall keep 
 your room for you. But I hear Miss Millie coming down the 
 stairs. (Looks off r.) Yes, here she comes, she just looks 
 like some pale delicate flower. I tell you, Mr. Grandt, there 
 is something wrong with Miss Millie; what it is I certainly 
 would like to know. 
 
 ENTER Millie, r. d. 
 
 Millie. Good morning, Jack. 
 
 Jack. Good morning, Millie. 
 
 Miss S. Maybe I had better leave ; maybe they have some- 
 thing to say they don't want anybody to hear. I don't believe 
 in eavesdropping, but I would like to know. [EXIT r. d. 
 
 Jack. You look so ill, perhaps I should not have sent for 
 you. 
 
 Millie. Why did you? What made you think your going 
 could interest me? 
 
 Jack. I have something to say to you. I have attempted 
 to tell you before, but you have evaded me on every occasion, 
 but I cannot remain silent any longer. I had begun to feel 
 that you would never see me again, you seem so heartless and 
 cruel, you never give me a chance. 
 
 Millie. Chance for what? 
 
 Jack. Of speaking to you alone. 
 
 Millie. But why do you wish to speak to me alone? We 
 can have nothing to say that the whole world might not hear. 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament g 
 
 Jack. How cold and unkind you are, Millie. But I have 
 something to whisper in your ear alone, if you will only listen 
 favorably. Then if you will give me the answer I long for, 
 I do not care how soon it may be proclaimed upon the house 
 tops. 
 
 Millie (in agony). Do not say it. Oh, do not say it. 
 
 Jack {takes her hand). But I must, and you must listen 
 
 Millie (drawing away). I cannot, I cannot. 
 
 Jack. But you must hear me out, Millie. I know you never 
 encouraged me into believing that you cared for me, yet some- 
 how I always hoped you did. Sometimes when your eyes 
 rested upon me, I seemed to see in their depths something 
 that I have been vain enough to believe was a feeling more than 
 friendship. Millie, I love you. No sacrifice would be too 
 great for me to make for you. If you turn me away without some 
 word of encouragement I would not care to live. I would 
 leave nothing undone that would add to your happiness, if 
 you would only say that some day you would be my wife. 
 
 Millie (turns to him). Believe me, Jack, I am so sorry 
 that this should have happened. If it had been in my power 
 I would have spared you this, but we can never be anything 
 to each other, not even friends, for something stands between 
 us that will not even permit that. (Turns away.) 
 
 Jack (turns to her). Oh, Millie, don't say that; why, I 
 would move heaven and earth to sweep away anything that 
 stands between us. Life is nothing to me without you; what 
 does the future hold if I cannot look into it and see you by my 
 side. 
 
 Millie. It is beyond your power, Jack. A great mistake 
 has been made. 
 
 Jack. Is it that you love another? If it is, don't be afraid 
 to tell me. I could even stand that if he is worthy of you. 
 Even though I love you beyond reason, if it was for your happi- 
 ness, I could give you up. 
 
 Millie. No, no, it is not that. Can't you see, Jack, it is 
 not that. If I could only tell you, but I can't, I can't. A 
 barrier stands between us that only God himself can sweep 
 away. Only Heaven can right the wrong that has been done. 
 
 Jack (clasping her hand excitedly). Do you mean by that, 
 Millie, that you could care for me if this dark object was re- 
 moved? If God should lift this shadow from your life, that 
 you would give yourself to me? 
 
 Millie. Yes, but leave me. For my sake, leave me; for 
 the sake of the love you bear me, Jack; leave me and forget 
 
io Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 that we ever met, for only a miracle, only the cost of a life can 
 clear the way for us to love or be together. Oh, Jack, go and 
 forget me. 
 
 Jack. Millie, I could never do that. I can leave you, but 
 forget you, never. I will follow you to the end of life, and 
 whenever you need a friend, I will be there to protect you. 
 In time, my love will triumph over all and I will claim you for 
 my own. But tell me, Millie, before we part, if the time ever 
 comes that I can claim you, even though age has stamped its 
 mark upon us, you will send for me. To spend the eventime 
 of our lives together would be better than never to be together. 
 Though the years of waiting will be long, hope, a glorious hope 
 for the future will sustain me. 
 
 Millie. Oh, Jack, Jack, don't torture me so! If you only 
 knew, you would not ask me this! 
 
 Jack. But as sure as there is a heaven above us, this thing 
 shall be blotted out, shall be removed. I was called to the South 
 to-day on business, but I am coming back in a short time. I had 
 expected a parting different from this ; I had hoped that I might 
 carry away with me your promise that when I returned — but I 
 see this subject is painful to you, Millie, so I shall not continue. 
 However, Millie, if you should ever need a friend, promise me 
 that you will not hesitate to call upon me? 
 
 Millie (turns to him). Yes, Jack, I will promise you this, 
 and I do not want you to think that this parting does not 
 grieve me too. Yes, it is better thus, it would be far better 
 if we never meet again. 
 
 Jack. Don't say that, Millie, for as sure as we stand here 
 to-day, we will be together soon again, and maybe then a 
 brighter future will open before us; but now good-bye, and 
 may God keep you safe till I return. 
 
 Millie. Good-bye, Jack. (Turns away. Aside) Forever. 
 (EXIT Jack, c. d.) Oh God! Is it not- enough that I am 
 wedded to a man whose love has grown cold! Why should 
 fate be so cruel as to offer me the love of one who is the soul 
 of honor, to hold out to me a happiness that would make my 
 life complete? Oh, Jack, Jack, why did you not come into 
 my life when I was free, when I could have listened to you 
 without committing a sin? Dare I say it even to myself — I 
 love you! (Goes and looks after him) Oh, Jack, it is indeed 
 good-bye, our last farewell. What a grand, noble man you 
 are! You could never stoop to wrong a woman as I have been 
 wronged. (Goes, sits at table with head on arm.) 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament n 
 
 ENTER Harold Crofford, c. d. 
 
 Crofford (looking sneeringly at Millie; comes up l.) As 
 usual, I never come into your presence but what I find you 
 sniffling, or a face on a yard long. I tell you, I am getting 
 tired of it and you have got to stop it! Do you hear? Put 
 a stop to all this nonsense and try to be like other women. 
 It seems as though some women were never satisfied. 
 
 Millie {rising). Oh, Harold! How can you say such 
 things to me, when you know the cause of my grief, know 
 how my heart is almost breaking! When just a few words 
 from you, just a public announcement of our marriage would 
 lift me from this depth of despair and gain for me once more 
 the respect and love of those who clung to me so tenderly when 
 you came into my life and tempted me, a mere child, to commit 
 an act I shall regret as long as I live. 
 
 Crofford. You are not the only one who regrets it. In 
 fact, I curse the day I ever laid eyes on you. I don't know 
 what could have been the matter with me. (Comes close to 
 her) But things have got to remain as they are; no public 
 announcement for me. Do you think I am mad to give up 
 my claim on the old man's money by telling him I am married 
 to you? (Goes l.) If you do, dismiss it from your mind, for 
 I don't intend to do anything of the kind — so that is the end 
 of it. 
 
 Millie. Oh, Harold, don't say that, don't say that! What 
 is all the wealth in the world compared to a broken heart and 
 a ruined life? All I ask is for you to clear my name of the doubt 
 cast upon it. Let the world know that I am innocent of any 
 wrong and then I will go away somewhere, anywhere, and I 
 will never cross your path again, for I know you have grown 
 tired of me. I realize only too late, I never possessed your 
 love. 
 
 Crofford. This is the limit, Millie. I told you when we 
 were married that we must keep it from the old man or he 
 would cut me off without a penny, for he has plans for my 
 future that my marriage with you would ruin. I tell you I 
 can't afford to destroy my dear uncle's confidence in me, his 
 favorite nephew. Ha, ha! 
 
 Millie. If you should lose his wealth, Harold, you could 
 work and make an honest living for yourself, and I could help 
 you. I could teach, and between us we could establish a little 
 home and be just as happy as if we had all the wealth in the 
 world. 
 
12 Uncle Si's .Predicament 
 
 Crofford (scornfully). Thanks, love in a cottage is not my 
 style, especially when love is minus and a fellow has to work 
 to maintain the cottage. What is the matter with you any- 
 how, you must be losing your mind. Give up teaching and I 
 will provide for you. I'll see that you will never want for 
 anything; that's more than lots of men do; any woman ought 
 to be satisfied with that. 
 
 Millie. Do you think I would accept one penny of your 
 money, living as we are? No! What would the world say? 
 Hasn't it said enough already? Dear old friends whom I have 
 known from childhood now pass me by with scarcely a nod of 
 recognition, yet I cannot find it in my heart to blame them, 
 for to all appearances, haven't I betrayed their trust in me? 
 This is the last time I shall ever ask you to have our marriage 
 made public. I shall announce it myself at once! 
 
 Crofford. You? 
 
 Millie. Yes. What is there to prevent me? 
 
 Crofford (going to her). Do you mean to say that you are 
 not afraid to cross me, to rob me of a fortune that I have counted 
 as mine for so many years. Why, I would kill you, woman, 
 before I would allow you to do such a thing. Kill you, do 
 you hear? 
 
 Millie (turns to him). Kill me if you will, I am not afraid 
 to die, but I haven't the courage to live as I am. 
 
 Crofford (angrily). Then you do not fear me? 
 
 Millie. No. 
 
 Crofford (starts as if to strike her, then turns away; aside). 
 Curse her! (Turns to her) Oh, come, Millie, this is all non- 
 sense. We can never come to any agreement by quarreling. 
 I'll tell you what we will do; let's take a little stroll this even- 
 ing and talk things over. This is no place to talk, everybody 
 in the house will know of our troubles, and perhaps we will both 
 be in a better humor this evening and can fix matters up sat- 
 isfactorily. (Takes money from pocket and offers it to her) 
 Here, if you are in need of anything take this money, get what- 
 ever you want. 
 
 Millie. No! 
 
 Crofford (putting money back in pocket). Oh, you don't 
 want it then? 
 
 Millie. Do you think I would touch one cent of your money? 
 No, surely I am disgraced and humiliated enough, innocent 
 though I am of any wrong. Only as your acknowledged wife 
 can I accept anything from you. 
 
 Crofford (turns away; aside). Oh, the devil! (Aloud) 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 13 
 
 Well, we'll try and come to some kind of a settlement this 
 evening. I see there is no reason in you now. 
 
 Millie. How can you say I am unreasonable when all I 
 ask of you is what any woman asks of the man she marries, 
 his name. (Turns wearily toward r.) As you say, maybe we 
 can arrange matters this evening, but I will be satisfied with 
 only one thing, the public announcement of our marriage. 
 
 [EXIT r. d. 
 
 Crofford (looks after her). I am very much afraid, my 
 young lady, that you will never be satisfied then. (Coming 
 up, c.) God! What a fool a man can make of himself any- 
 how! I wonder what has become of that tramp; he promised 
 to meet me here this morning. 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins, c. d. 
 
 Miss S. A gentleman at the door wishes to see you, Mr. 
 Crofford. 
 
 Crofford. Show him in, Miss Simpkins. I suppose it is 
 somebody wanting a job. Good it just happens I am in need 
 of a man immediately. 
 
 Miss S. (aside). For the land sakes! What does he need a 
 man for, I would like to know. (Aloud) All right, Mr. Crof- 
 ford, I will bring him in. [EXIT c. d 8 
 
 Crofford. I hope he took my advice as well as my money 
 and cleaned himself up a little. 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins with Tramp, c. d. 
 
 Crofford. Good morning, sir, I suppose you are looking 
 for a job in the mine? 
 
 Tramp (starts). What! Work? 
 
 Crofford (nods his head for Tramp to say yes). Yes, you 
 are just the man I am looking for as I am very badly in need 
 of a man to go to work at once. I will tell you what I want 
 you to do. 
 
 Miss S. (holding her nose). My goodness, there seems to be 
 a bad smell around here. I don't know what it is, but I would 
 like to know. [EXIT, c. d., holding her nose. 
 
 Crofford. Didn't I tell you to get shaved and cleaned up 
 a little? 
 
 Tramp. Well, you see it was this way, boss, — I got pinched 
 for loafing right after I left you last night and they made me 
 take a bath this morning, and I thought that was a close enough 
 
14 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 shave. Gee, I got wet all over! It makes me shiver every 
 time I think of it! Why, boss, I am bare in some places; I 
 feel like an oyster that has just come out of the shell. 
 
 Crofford. You don't mean to say the water got through? 
 
 Tramp. Yes, the shell leaked and the water just poured 
 in on me. 
 
 Crofford. Oh, you'll get over it all right. I suppose you 
 are here for the business, are you? 
 
 Tramp. Well, I am here, or what is left of me, and if there 
 is anything in this deal, I am your man. But I don't go in 
 for small amounts, nothing less than a few thousand satisfies 
 my curiosity, and I thought as I had a few minutes to spare, 
 I might as well stop in and talk things over with you. 
 
 Crofford (angrily). Look here, stop this fooling and come 
 down to business. You know what you are here for. Didn't 
 I give you an idea last night of what would be expected of you 
 if we entered into an agreement? 
 
 Tramp. Well, I'm here, ain't I? What do you want? 
 State the case, boss, I'm your man all right, all right, when the 
 long green backs the thing up! Ha, ha, that was a neat little 
 job we done last night! Who would think Harold Crofford, 
 the society leader and 
 
 Crofford (grabs him by the arm). Hush! Walls have ears. 
 (Looks off at c. d.) 
 
 Tramp (looking around room). Huh, I don't see any 
 ears. 
 
 Crofford (comes back to tramp). Look here, tramp, can I 
 trust you? Can I rest assured that you will do what I want you 
 to do without exposing me? 
 
 Tramp. Why sure you can, if you arrange it so I'll be safe. 
 I tell you, boss, this kind of work is not new to me. I've been 
 up against it all my life and I am following in the footsteps 
 of my father. (Laughs) 
 
 Crofford. I'll promise you will be safe enough If you 
 will leave as soon as the job is done, I will see that you will 
 have plenty to go on. 
 
 Tramp. All right then, boss, I'm your man. What's de 
 game? 
 
 Crofford. There is someone in my way. Do you under- 
 stand? 
 
 Tramp (starts). Ha, ha, I see! Man or woman? 
 
 Crofford. The latter. 
 
 Tramp. Ladder! Huh, you don't need to hire someone to 
 take a ladder out of your way, do you? 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament T«5 
 
 Crofford (angrily). Oh, you don't understand me. I 
 mean a woman. 
 
 Tramp. Oh, a woman! Huh, I understand. But I tell you, 
 boss, they're pretty hard to get out of the way, and I tell you, 
 boss, it is pretty hard to get out of their way too, for they 
 have landed me over the head with skillets, rolling pins, dish 
 pans and other kitchen articles that were presented to me at 
 the back door — and to tell the truth, I don't like the job. 
 
 Crofford. Afraid? 
 
 Tramp. No, I'm not afraid, but (hesitates) I never likes to 
 hurt a woman. 
 
 Crofford. Then get out. I'll get someone else; there are 
 plenty who will jump at the chance to make money so easily. 
 
 Tramp. That's all right, boss, they kin have the job. I tell 
 you I know I am down and out and I have done lots of mean 
 things, but I never laid my hands on a woman and I will not 
 do it now, and if that's what you want me to do, we're quits. 
 But you had better pay me for what I have already done be- 
 fore you turn me down. 
 
 Crofford. I don't owe you anything. 
 
 Tramp. Don't owe me anything? 
 
 Crofford. No. Didn't I give you money last night? 
 What do you think I am? A bank? 
 
 Tramp. No, not perzackly; but you have a key that fits — ■ 
 
 Crofford (grabs him by the shoulder). Hush! (Looks off 
 c. d., then goes back to tramp) What did I tell you a moment 
 ago! What if someone should hear you! (Turns, goes l.) 
 But who would believe a low tramp like you. Get out of here. 
 I'm through with you, and I never want to see your face again. 
 
 Tramp. Huh, gettin' rather independent, ain't yer? Ain't 
 afraid if I do blow. Ye think I can't do you any harm ; don't 
 be too sure of that, you high flyin' cheat. You had better 
 come down a peg an' produce de coin or — 
 
 Crofford. Stop, not so fast! What if I should tell the 
 police who you are? Any of them would be glad to earn the 
 reward that your capture would bring. (Tramp starts) Do you 
 think, even if you did blow, anybody would believe you? I 
 hardly think they would. You had better come to terms. 
 Do what I want you to do; kill this woman, then leave the 
 country. 
 
 Tramp. Never! You can give me up, tell the police who 
 I am, send me back to that hell on earth, do your worst, but 
 I will never stain my hands with the blood of a woman. 
 
 Crofford (aside), Curse him! I'll have to use a little 
 
1 6 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 persuasion. (Aloud) Oh, come now, Ike, what's the use of 
 us quarreling. I'll give you time to think it over, but let me 
 warn you, don't you try to explode any of your knowledge in 
 regard to my affairs, if you value your liberty. Now go. 
 
 Tramp. That's all right, boss, you got the upper hand of 
 me now. But give me some money; I'm hungry, that's on 
 de level; I ain't had a bite to eat to-day. 
 
 Crofford. No, don't ask anything of me until you come 
 to my terms. Now go. 
 
 Tramp (goes to c. d. and turns to Crofford). All right, boss, 
 I'll go, but never mind, old boy, your time is coming. You 
 refuse me money, you try to scare me, but the worm will turn 
 some day. [EXIT CD. 
 
 Crofford. Curse him! He would never dare even to hint 
 at anything, he values his liberty too much for that. But the 
 question is — how to get him working. I could do the work 
 myself, but it would be so easy to throw the blame on him if 
 we should happen to get caught, robbery, the motive. I think 
 if I let him get pretty hungry he will be glad to do the work. 
 In the meantime I must do something to appease the wrath of 
 my venerable uncle. I'll go to my office and write him a letter 
 and as soon as I get this stumbling block out of my way I'll 
 marry the girl he wishes me to. Married people don't have to 
 see much of each other nowadays anyhow. What do I care, 
 so that I get the old man's money. [EXIT L. d. 
 
 ENTER Si. Crofford and Eunice Crofford, c. d. 
 
 Si. (looking all around). Wal, now, this does 'pear a little 
 bit like a hotel, blamed if it don't. 
 
 Eunice. It seems very quiet for a public place like a hotel, 
 perhaps it is a private boarding house. You just sit down, 
 uncle, and I will go and see if I can find someone. 
 
 Si. (sits on chair). Wal, that will be all right, my gal. But 
 while we are alone I have something to tell ye. Perhaps you 
 thought it strange that I brought you with me down here, 
 didn't ye? 
 
 Eunice. Yes, uncle, I confess I did, but as you have al- 
 ways taught me never to question your motive in what you do, 
 I refrained from asking you. 
 
 Si. Very good, little gal, very good, but I am going to tell 
 ye why I brought ye down here to-day. Come and sit down. 
 (Eunice sits opposite Si.) You know I have always ex- 
 pected you and Harold to marry some day so that I can divide 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 17 
 
 my wealth between you, and the one that refuses to carry 
 out my wish I will disinherit. Wal, I want to see my wish 
 carried out at once. I am getting old and want to have the 
 thing settled up before the time comes for me to go. 
 
 Eunice {lays hand on his arm). Don't talk like that, uncle. 
 I hope you have many, many years to remain with us. I 
 don't want to hear you talk that way for you have always been 
 both father and mother to me. I cannot .bear to think of the 
 time when I cannot go to you with all my joys and sorrows. 
 
 Si. Tut, tut, gal. Harold will soon take my place in regard 
 to that, but we're getting away from the point. Harold has 
 got to marry you at once. 
 
 Eunice (starts to her feet). But, uncle, what if Harold does 
 not want to marry me? I could never consent to marry a 
 man who does not love me for myself alone. 
 
 Si. {slaps himself on the knee). Gosh hang it! That's jist 
 what I want ter know. If he don't care enough for ye to marry 
 ye, why I want him to say so; then I'll will all my money ter 
 ye, little gal, and he can shift for himself. 
 
 Eunice. But, uncle, would that be doing right? You 
 adopted Harold and brought him up as your own boy. 
 
 Si. As my own boy he should obey me. If he was my own 
 flesh and blood I would treat him the same way. 
 
 ENTER Millie l. d. 
 
 Millie {starts hack). Oh, I beg your pardon. 
 
 Si. (rising). That's all right, Miss, that's all right. I'm 
 mighty glad ye come, perhaps ye can tell us if this is a hotel 
 or not? 
 
 Millie. Yes, this is Miss Simpkins's boarding house. She 
 has just gone to the market but will be home presently. 
 
 Si. Thank ye, Miss, but could you answer me one more 
 question? Is this where Harold Crofford boards? 
 
 Millie (starts, catches chair for support). Are — are — you — 
 his uncle? 
 
 Si. Wal, I'll be gol-durn! Has he been telling you about 
 me? 
 
 Millie (falters). Yes — no — I — I once heard him speak of 
 you. We have both boarded here for months and I over- 
 heard him telling a friend about you once at the table. 
 
 Si. Wal, wal, the boy does think of his old uncle after all. 
 Did you hear what this young lady jist told me, Eunice? 
 
 Eunice (aside). What a sad, beautiful face. (Aloud) Then > 
 
ig Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 we have found the right place; this is where Mr. Crofford 
 boards? 
 
 Millie. Yes. 
 
 Si. Wal, to tell the truth, I'm mighty glad. But my gal 
 here is about tired out after our trip. Do you know if there is 
 a room anywhere about where she could go and rest a spell? 
 
 Millie. No, I don't, Mr. Crofford, but she is welcome to 
 mine until Miss Simpkins returns. 
 
 Si. That's all right, little gal; I'm sure we'll be mighty 
 obliged to ye. I kin rest right here for a spell myself. 
 
 Eunice. I don't want to inconvenience you any. I could 
 wait here with uncle. 
 
 Millie. On the contrary ; I would be very glad to have you. 
 Come and let me prove it to you. 
 
 Eunice (goes to Millie). You are very kind indeed, and I 
 am very grateful to you, for I must confess I am very tired. 
 As soon as I am rested, uncle, I will meet you here. 
 
 Si. That's all right, run along, gals, old Si. '11 get along all 
 right, by gum. 
 
 Millie. Yes, come and rest awhile; maybe by that time 
 Miss Simpkins will have returned. 
 
 [Millie and Eunice EXIT l. d. 
 
 Si. (slaps his knee). Well, I'll be gol-ding! (Sits on sofa, 
 bounces, and slides off on floor, gets up, puts hands in pockets, 
 looks at sofa, then crosses and sits.) Huh, I never liked to sit 
 on one of them things anyhow! Wal, sir, what I was about 
 to say — if they ain't two fine looking gals. Now it does pear 
 mighty queer to me that Harold puts off marrying a gal like 
 Eunice. Just think, why I have almost coaxed him to marry 
 her! Huh, I tell ye they wouldn't have to coax me! But gol- 
 darn it all, I am not going to ask him but once more, and he's 
 got to say yes or no, and I'll do it right away; that's jist the 
 way I feel about it. 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins r. d. 
 
 Miss S. (throws up hands). Why, for the land sakes, if there 
 ain't a man! I wonder who he is; dear me, I would like to 
 know. (Comes up to him.) 
 
 Si. (jumps up, grabs her by the hand and shakes it). Why 
 hello, comrade, are you the landlady here? 
 
 Miss S. (loud, shrill voice) . What did you say? 
 
 Si. I say, is this where Harold Crofford boards? 
 
 Miss S. Want board? Why, how long do you want to stay? 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 19 
 
 Si. (looks at her, then at audience and then back at her). I say, 
 does Harold Crofford stop here? 
 
 Miss S. About a year? 
 
 Si. (aside). She's got them all right. (Aloud) Say- 
 Miss S. What did you say? 
 
 Si. Now will ye wait until I say it? I say, does Harold 
 Crofford stay here, or do ye know where he is at? 
 
 Miss S. Cat! Law me, yes, I have six. 
 
 Si. (impatiently scratches head, turns to her). Wal, I'm all 
 tuckered out trying ter make ye understand. I'll be goldurned 
 if you don't remind me of my Aunt Mary. 
 
 Miss S. What? Do I want to get married? Why, this is 
 so suddent! You must give me more time to think about it, 
 for I never thought of such a thing before in all my life. 
 
 Si. Oh yes, yes, I'll give ye time, by gum. 
 
 Miss S. Young, young? Oh yes, indeed I am, why, I 
 hardly know my own mind; but I will think it over and let 
 you know. I won't keep you waiting long. (Gets closer to him.) 
 
 Si. Now, wouldn't that freeze your brother's wind pipe! 
 I see I'll have ter write it down, or by hinkey, I'll get into 
 trouble here. I see that now. (Writes and hands her paper.) 
 
 Miss S. (takes paper, puts it in her bosom). Oh, your card! 
 But you didn't need to write it down, dear, you could have 
 just told me your name. 
 
 Si. (excitedly). Wal, I'll be gol-durned! What am I going 
 ter do? She won't read it, and she can't hear! (Points to 
 paper) Read it, read it. 
 
 Miss S. (sweetly) . Oh yes, dear, I'll keep it. Why, I wouldn't 
 part with it for the world! (Si in despair throws himself on 
 chair and buries face in his hands. Miss Simpkins throws her 
 arms around his neck) Oh dear, what is the matter with you? 
 Are you sick? 
 
 Si. (jumps up, paces stage, followed by Miss Simpkins). Oh 
 yes, I'm sick! Gee-whilikins, I'm sick! How am I going ter 
 get out of this! She'll marry me in spite of myself! Gee- 
 whilikins, what can I do to get out of this! (Turns suddenly 
 at c. Miss Simpkins rushes towards him and throws her arms 
 around his neck. Attitude of a close embrace.) 
 
 ENTER Gabe l. d. 
 
 Gabe (coming up c, looks up and sees Si. and Miss Simpkins; 
 throws up hands). O — o — golly! (Starts to run off L. d., falls 
 over chair. Si. breaks away, runs off c. d.) 
 
20 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 Miss S. {after Si. She grabs Gabe, who is trying to get up, 
 thinking it is Si. and throws her arms around his neck). Oh, 
 my darling! How happy we will be together! (Sees her mis- 
 take, breaks away, and runs off c. d. Gabe runs off l. d.) 
 
 ENTER Harold Crofford, r. d. 
 
 Crofford. Well, I have written to the old man and I hope 
 that it will silence him for a while. I don't see what he has to 
 complain of anyhow; the books of the mine and bank both 
 make a good showing. His profits during the past year have 
 been large and, as far as he or anybody else knows, I have 
 attended strictly to business and spent very little money. 
 
 ENTER Eunice, l. d. 
 
 Eunice (advancing to Crofford with outstretched hand). 
 Why, Harold! 
 
 Crofford (starts). Eunice! You here? 
 
 Eunice. Why yes, Harold, are you not glad to see me? 
 Uncle and I just arrived an hour ago. You see we planned to 
 surprise you. 
 
 Crofford (takes her hand) . I must admit you have succeeded, 
 for you are the last people I expected to meet to-day. 
 
 Eunice (turning away). Are you not glad to see me? 
 
 Crofford. Of course I am. But you haven't given me 
 time to express my feelings. Why, I can hardly realize that 
 such happiness as having you here with me is mine. 
 
 Eunice. Forgive me, Harold, I am tired and cross after 
 our journey. 
 
 Crofford (takes her hands). There is nothing to forgive. 
 Perhaps I did seem a little cool, taken by surprise as I was. 
 Did you say uncle is here too? 
 
 Eunice. Yes, I left him here a few moments ago. Perhaps 
 he has gone to look for you. 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins r. d. 
 
 Miss S. If you will come with me, Miss, I will show you to 
 your room. 
 
 Crofford. Yes, go to your room, Eunice, and I will try 
 to find uncle; you look tired. After you have rested we can 
 have a long talk. (Leads her to r. d.) 
 
 Miss S. (aside). Land sakes, ain't she a nice looking girl! 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 21 
 
 I wonder what she is to Mr. Crofford, I would like to 
 know. 
 
 [EXIT r. d. 
 
 Eunice. You are right, Harold, I am in no shape to talk 
 to anyone at present. Oh, yes, I want to tell you — I met the 
 sweetest girl here at the boarding house I believe I have ever 
 seen, Miss Van Cliff, do you know her? 
 
 Crofford {starts, aside). Ye Gods! 
 
 Eunice. Miss Simpkins wasn't at home when we came and 
 she took me to her room and treated me so kindly that I shall 
 never forget her. 
 
 Crofford {draws Eunice to l.). Don't have anything to 
 do with that girl, Eunice, don't have anything to do with her 
 at all. She is not fit company for you. Later when I have 
 the opportunity I will explain to you; go to your room and 
 stay there until I send for you. 
 
 Eunice. Why, Harold, you surprise me! 
 
 Crofford. Never mind, do as I tell you. I will make things 
 clear to you later. 
 
 Eunice. Of course you know best, Harold, but I am so 
 sorry — she seemed to be such a sweet girl. Please try and 
 find uncle, good-bye. 
 
 Crofford. Good-bye, and don't forget what I have told 
 you. (Eunice EXIT r. d. Crofford goes up c.) Great 
 Heavens! Who would have thought that things would have 
 turned out this way! I see I have no time to lose. 
 
 ENTER Si. c. d. 
 
 Si. Why, hello, Harold my boy. {Shakes his hand) I've 
 been looking all over for you. 
 
 Crofford. Is that so? I was just starting out to look for 
 you. Eunice just left me and told me you were here. Why, 
 this is quite a surprise to me. 
 
 Si. Huh, talkin' about surprises, I got one myself a while 
 ago. I come put-nigh getting my finish. Say, Harold, she 
 hasn't been out very long, has she? 
 
 Crofford. Why who, uncle? 
 
 Si. That old maid that runs this yer joint, Miss Simple, I 
 think her name is. 
 
 Crofford. Oh, you mean Miss Simpkins, the landlady. 
 Why, uncle, I never saw anything wrong with the woman. 
 
 Si. Wal, sir, by hinkers, I haven't been thinkin' nothin' 
 about gettin' married, but she's got it into her head somehow 
 
2% Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 or another that I asked her to marry me. Now what do you 
 think of that, Harold? 
 
 Crofford. Why, you must have said something to her 
 that made her think you did. 
 
 Si. No, sir, Harold, I never said one word to her. Do you 
 think for one minute that I would ask that old maid to marry 
 me? No sir-ee! 
 
 Crofford. Why not, uncle, she is a good cook and good 
 housekeeper, and you are getting old yourself, and after Eunice 
 and I are married you will need someone to look after you. 
 
 Si. Yes, yes, that is just what I came down here to see you 
 about, Harold. When are you and Eunice going ter have that 
 knot tied? 
 
 Crofford. Oh, I don't know, uncle. There is no great 
 hurry as Eunice and I are both young. 
 
 Si. Yes, but I am not. One week from to-day I will be 
 sixty-five years old, and on that day I have made up my mind 
 that you and Eunice shall be married, and the one that refuses 
 shall be cut off without a penny of my money. Now, Harold, 
 my boy, what are you going to do? 
 
 Crofford. Why, marry her of course. I always did intend 
 to carry out your wishes in this matter, and we would have 
 been married before this if you had not sent me down here to 
 look after your interests in these coal mines. This is no place 
 for Eunice to live, why, it would be so lonely down here for 
 her. 
 
 Si. Now look here, my boy, there's where you think wrong. 
 She should be right here with you ter keep you company. 
 Now you had better make up your mind to carry out my plans. 
 What do you say? 
 
 Crofford. All right, uncle, if you are so anxious; I have 
 no objections whatever. But as I have some business to at- 
 tend to now, I will see you at supper, and then we will talk 
 it all over. (Starts to leave at c. d.) 
 
 Si. (grabs him by the shoulder). That's all right, Harold, 
 but I wish you would hurry, for I don't like the idea of stayin' 
 here by myself. Ye see I'm j is a little bit juberous about that 
 old maid. 
 
 Crofford. Oh, you need not be afraid, she won't hurt you. 
 I'll be back directly; just sit down and make yourself at home. 
 
 Si. All right, Harold, I'll try it. But who is that fine look- 
 ing little gal that boards here? 
 
 Crofford (starts; aside). Great Heavens! What's next! I 
 must queer him on her too. (Aloud) Don't mention her name, 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 23 
 
 uncle; she's not the right stripe. Don't speak about her to 
 anyone here; I will explain when I return. 
 
 Si. Wal now, that's too bad. I never thought that. But 
 I wish you would hurry up, for I might be on the roof when 
 you get back and I might want you to help me off. 
 
 Crofford. All right, uncle. [EXIT c. d. 
 
 Si. (goes to a). Great Jehosphat! What in the tarnation 
 would I do if that old maid would jist turn in and marry me 
 anyhow! Oh wal, I have one consolation, I'm getting old 
 and I ain't got long to live anyhow. Blamed if a fellow could 
 live long married to such a woman as that! 
 
 ENTER Jack Grandt, c. d. 
 
 Jack. Why, hello, Mr. Crofford! I am surprised to find 
 you here! 
 
 Si. (takes Jack's hand). Wal now, goldarn it all! I'm kinder 
 taken back to see you here. What be you doing here anyhow? 
 
 Jack. I came about a year ago, right after I left your place, 
 and began prospecting for oil. You see, I leased a lot of land 
 and put down some wells, and to my gratification, found a 
 good field of oil. 
 
 Si. Wal, I never! Then you are the great oil king I've 
 been readin' about in all the papers! (Shakes hands again) 
 Let me congratulate you, young man. By hinkers, you're 
 jist the right sort, and they can't keep you down. Oh yes, 
 Eunice is with me. Have you seen her yet? She used to 
 think a powerful lot of you. 
 
 Jack. No. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her yet. 
 
 Si. Wal now, that's too bad. You jist wait right here and 
 I will find her and bring her to meet you. I'll be back in three 
 shakes of a lamb's tail. 
 
 Jack. All right, Mr. Crofford, I will be very glad to meet 
 Miss Eunice and renew our acquaintance. (EXIT Si. r. d. 
 Jack goes up c.) Well, I should have been miles away from 
 here by this time but I could not overcome that longing to 
 see Millie once again, and possibly I can wring from her lips 
 the secret she guards so closely. Alone in the world as she is, 
 why will she not give me the right to protect and shield her as 
 ehe should be, in this troublesome world of ours. 
 
 ENTER Si. and Eunice, r. d. 
 
 Si. (leads Eunice to Jack). Here we are, my boy. 
 
24 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 Jack {takes her hand). This is a yery pleasant surprise, 
 Miss Eunice. I had no idea I was destined to meet two very 
 dear old friends to-day. 
 
 Eunice. Why, I could hardly believe uncle when he told 
 me you were here, Jack. Harold never spoke of you in any 
 of his letters. 
 
 Jack. That is very easily explained. When we consider 
 of what the letters to one's sweetheart are composed, such a 
 commonplace subject as myself could scarcely hope to find a 
 place in them. 
 
 Si. Ha, ha, ha! Wal, I'll be gol-ding, Jack, that jist sounds 
 like ye. It pears ter me that you must have been in love 
 yerself once, yer seem ter know a whole lot about it. 
 
 Jack. Oh, now come, Mr. Crofford. You know I am only 
 speaking from observation. 
 
 ENTER Tramp, c. d. 
 
 Tramp (looking all around, staggers, catches chair for support, 
 takes hat off, boivs). Beggin' your pardon, ladies and gentle- 
 men, I didn't know there was anybody here. I come to see 
 a fellow that boards at this place. 
 
 Jack (goes to him). Why, man, there seems to be something 
 the matter with you! Sit down. 
 
 Tramp (sits down) . Thank you, sir, yours is the first friendly 
 voice I have heard to-day. 
 
 Eunice. Perhaps the poor fellow is sick. Can we do any- 
 thing for you? 
 
 Tramp. Miss, I hates to tell you, but I am starving. 
 
 Jack. What! You don't mean to say that you're hungry? 
 That seems strange in this land of plenty. 
 
 Tramp. Mister, to tell the truth, I haven't had a bite to 
 eat since yesterday. 
 
 Jack (takes money from pocket and hands it to him). Great 
 Heavens, man, this is awful! Here take this money, and 
 wait — (Takes card from pocket and writes on it and hands it to 
 him) Take this down and give it to the landlady. She will 
 see that you will get all you want to eat; never mind the cost, 
 I'll settle the bill. 
 
 Tramp (rising). Thank you, sir, I'll never forget you, and 
 maybe the day will come when I can do something for you. 
 
 Jack (laughing). Never mind that, my friend. I won't let 
 a dog go hungry, much less a human being. (Tramp starts to 
 leave c. d.) 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 25 
 
 Si. Here, hold on there. (Takes some change from his 
 pocket and hands Tramp a coin.) I just feel the same way that 
 gentleman does, by hinkers. I wouldn't let a man go hungry, 
 no sir-ee, here's a nickel; now go and get all you can 
 eat. 
 
 Tramp. Thank you, sir, thank you all. [EXIT c. d. 
 
 Eunice. What a funny fellow! Are there many like him 
 around here? 
 
 Jack. Only a few, and although appearances are against 
 them, poor fellows, we don't know what their history tells or 
 what our future may be. 
 
 Si. Now that sounds purty sensible, young man, blamed 
 if it don't. 
 
 ENTER Harold Crofford, c. d. 
 
 Crofford. Can it be possible, uncle, that you gave that 
 tramp money? 
 
 (Tramp appears at c. d.) 
 
 Si. Wal, I guess I did. By Jingo, he looked like he needed 
 it. 
 
 Crofford. Yes, he looked it all right, but that is one of his 
 tricks. Why, only a few hours ago I gave him money. 
 
 Si. Wal, now that does 'pear strange! Ton my soul, that 
 fellow did look hungry and I gave him a nickel. I jist couldn't 
 help it. But, Harold, my boy, if you say so, I won't do it any 
 more. 
 
 Crofford. Never give him another cent! 
 
 Si. All right, my boy, I won't. (Tramp disappears.) 
 
 ENTER Millie, r. d. 
 
 Jack. Why, how fortunate that you should come among 
 us as you have, Miss Van Cliff. I have just discovered some 
 friends who arrived to-day and whom I want you to meet. 
 Eunice, Miss Crofford, have you met Miss Van Cliff? (Eunice 
 turns away, goes up r.) 
 
 Si. A-hem, no, I don't like for my gal to associate with 
 everybody hereabouts. (Takes Jack by the arm, draws him 
 aside) I was told that this gal was not the right stripe and I 
 can't think of little Eunice havin' anything to do with her. 
 
 Jack (starts). What, man! What are you talking about? 
 
26 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 Si. Now, Jack, my boy, I am very sorry to think the little 
 gal is that kind of a gal — 
 
 Jack {angrily). Stop, man! Who told you that infernal 
 lie? (Millie starts.) 
 
 Si. Wal, sir, by hinkies, my — 
 
 Crofford (starts, breaks in on him). Now, my good people, 
 it is not necessary to have all this trouble. Uncle, you should 
 be more discreet. 
 
 Jack. Stand back, Harold Crofford, and let the old man 
 tell the name of the lying cur who dares to utter such a false- 
 hood against a defenseless woman. Speak, man, and tell me 
 who told you this woman was not fit company for your niece 
 or any other woman! Tell me his name and I will make him 
 take back such a foul lie, or I will kill him. (Crofford shakes 
 head to Si. not to tell.) 
 
 Si. Tut, tut, I can't tell you now, my boy. But there is 
 no need of such a fuss as this, I — 
 
 Jack. There is the most urgent need of it. Do you think 
 I can stand by and let the vile tongue of scandal blight the 
 life of a woman who is as pure as snow? Whom, among all 
 that have uttered false lies against her, has she ever harmed? 
 Who among the many she has befriended in the past, have 
 lifted their voices in her defense? If I could find the one, 
 no matter who it is, who started these vile lies against her, be 
 it man or woman, I would compel him to kneel at her feet 
 and sue for pardon. Then I would publish him to the world 
 as a liar and a coward. It seems the tongue of scandal is ever 
 on the alert to blacken a name, and the fairer the name and 
 the more innocent and helpless the victim, the more delight 
 it takes in its infamous work. She is not guilty, and God will 
 protect her. Some day the world will know that she is innocent. 
 
 Millie (goes to Jack). You have indeed a true heart, Jack 
 Grandt. You have defended my honor bravely. Would to 
 God that I could explain everything to you, my friend. But 
 whatsoever coldness there may have seemed in my manner to- 
 day, remember when you think of it hereafter, that there was 
 nothing that answered to it in my heart. But you cannot 
 help me. There is nothing but loneliness and coldness and 
 cruelty in all the world for me. I can see nothing but sorrow 
 even beyond the end. 
 
 Crofford (aside). Ye Gods! What next? 
 
 Jack. No, no, Millie, to mortals no sorrow is immortal. 
 The storm will spend itself and calm will come. It matters 
 not to whomsoever else you may have given your heart, you 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 27 
 
 are still the one for whom I am most glad either to live or die. 
 My arm, my life belong first of all to your defense. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene. — A shaft of an old mine surrounded by trees, desolate 
 and lonely. Time, night. 
 
 ENTER Harold Crofford, l. 
 
 Crofford. Well, I must settle this matter with Millie to- 
 night. It is getting warm for me, and the way things went 
 to-day, I see I have to do something at once. She must either 
 promise to leave here and relinquish all claim on me, or I will 
 put her where it will be impossible for her to do anything. 
 If the old man and Eunice had stayed at home where they 
 belong, and that cussed Jack Grandt would attend to his own 
 business, I could get out of this very easily. Curse him! I 
 could crush him into the earth! If Millie remains here he will 
 without a doubt keep on with his devilish probing until he gets 
 next to everything, and then he will make it hot for me. But 
 still, his professed love for Millie only gives me more opportunity 
 to compel her to leave here. She was to meet me here to- 
 night. (Looks at watch) She should be here now. (Looks off 
 L.) She is coming at last. 
 
 ENTER Millie from l. 
 
 Crofford (sneeringly) . You are late, you must have had 
 an engagement previous to this one. 
 
 Millie. It was almost impossible for me to get away at 
 all without some one seeing me. I came as soon as I could. 
 
 Crofford. Very likely, perhaps you had Jack Grandt in 
 your room again. 
 
 Millie. What do you mean? 
 
 Crofford (laughs). Miss Innocence! I am surprised that 
 one as clever as you, could have been so reckless in carrying 
 on an amour so incautiously. 
 
 Millie. I have done nothing to merit this. What do you 
 mean? 
 
28 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 Crofford. I mean this. What right had you to admit a 
 man into the sacred precinct of your room? You, who call 
 yourself a wife? 
 
 Millie (starts). Into my room? 
 
 Crofford. Do not feign ignorance. I saw him come from 
 your window. What happened in your room I can only 
 
 Millie. Stop! How dare you say such a thing, you mis- 
 erable coward, you know you are lying. Take it back! Take 
 back every word that you have said! 
 
 Crofford. Bah! This is nonsense! He was in your room; 
 you were in his arms. It is useless for you to deny it. You 
 need not look so horrified. Your secret is safe with me. I 
 met you here to-night to make terms with you. 
 
 Millie. Oh, you — you wretched coward! What a dog you 
 are! And to think that I once believed I loved you! You — 
 you — cur! You know you are not speaking the truth. Why 
 do you say such things to me? What have I ever done to you? 
 
 Crofford. Oh, it has been a pretty game of love between 
 you and Jack Grandt. You thought you were deceiving me! 
 Ha, ha! What fools love makes of us poor mortals! You 
 love him, and I am glad of it, and I brought you here to-night 
 to tell you this. Go with him and relinquish all claim you 
 have on me, and I will be silent. If you don't, the world shall 
 know of your escapade with your lover. 
 
 Millie. What kind of a man are you? How could I go 
 with Jack Grandt even if I did love him while I am the wife 
 of another? 
 
 Crofford. Wife? Wife of another? Oh no, you are not 
 a wife. 
 
 Millie (starts). Oh Heavens! What do you mean? 
 
 Crofford. I mean this; that you have never been my 
 wife. Our marriage was false. 
 
 Millie. My God! Take it back; take it back; every word 
 of that lie! You know I am your wife. How can you stand 
 there and so coolly say such awful things to me? 
 
 Crofford. Bah, this is childish! You ought to have known 
 this for months. Would I treat a wife as I have treated you? 
 Come, my fine lady, give me your promise. It's a good bargain 
 for both. 
 
 Millie. Never! I am your wife, and you shall acknowledge 
 me before the world. You have only said these things to me 
 to try to force me into submitting to your demand, so that I 
 would allow you to break another heart and ruin another life. 
 I am going to your uncle and to the girl whom you are about to 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 29 
 
 wed, and tell them what you have done. Do you think your 
 uncle would still allow that innocent girl to become your wife? 
 No, he would sooner see her dead. I will give my life to save 
 her from you, and 
 
 Crofford. Stop! Do you think that I would stand idly by 
 and let you attempt such a thing? No. What do you take 
 me for anyhow? 
 
 Millie. For what you are; a coward and a villain. And 
 while I know that you would stoop to do anything, I do not 
 fear you. You have done against me all that man can do against 
 woman; you have disgraced me before the world; you seek 
 to impress upon me that I am disgraced in deed and word as 
 well as appearances, but I know you lie. Our marriage was 
 legal and I do not fear you. 
 
 Crofford. Look here, Millie, you would only disgrace your- 
 self by going to my uncle 
 
 Millie. Yes, but I would save an innocent girl from the 
 hands of a villain. 
 
 Crofford. You would ruin my life. 
 
 Millie. What have you done with mine? 
 
 Crofford (angrily). Millie, you shall not do this; I will 
 not let you. 
 
 Millie. How can you prevent it? 
 
 Crofford (stares at her with a look of anger and contempt). 
 How can I prevent it? I will show you. (Grasps her by the 
 throat and throws her in the mine shaft) Ha, ha, the dead tell 
 no tales, neither does the mine. (Looks off r., starts) What! 
 Some one is coming! I must not be seen here. (Runs off at 
 L. An envelope drops from his coat-pocket) 
 
 ENTER Eliza r., looking for Gabe. 
 
 Eliza (looks off at l.). Now heah it am all done away late 
 again, and dat Gabe Watson not home yet. I'se all done 
 gettin' tired ob dis foolishness, and I'se gwine ter put a stop 
 to it. I'se all done wonder what I kin do, I'se done tired thinkin' 
 what ter do. I'se tried ebberthing dat I could think ob, but 
 breakin' his good for nothin' head. He am de worst nigger 
 I ebber seen and I seen a good many, but dey don't all look 
 alike to me when he am in de crowd. But let me see what I 
 can do to get de best ob dat coon. (Thinks) Oh, I hab it 
 now! He am de scariest nigger dat I ebber saw. Why, he am 
 scared ob his shadder! Why, jist de other night we heard a 
 noise out in de hen house and he was all done afraid. He 
 
30 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 made me go ahead and carry de lantern, him a follerin* along 
 behind wid de shot-gun, and jist as we got to de door ob de 
 coop, dat ole domineck rooster flopped his wings and let one 
 of dem crows out ob him, and dat darn fool nigger fell right 
 back into a tub ob soft soap dat I'se jist made dat day, and de 
 gun sploded and blowed de lantern all to pieces. Oh, I tell 
 yoh, he am a brave nigger, dair ain't none like him. But I'se 
 gwine ter stop dis goin' ter town ebbery night and stayin' till 
 midnight and leavin' me all alone, jist see if I don't. I'se all 
 done know what I'se gwine ter do. (Looks off l.) Dar he am 
 comin' now. (Shakes fist at him) Never yo mind, old man, 
 yoh am gettin' gay, but yoh am all done gwine ter come down 
 de notch and yoh ole woman heah am de one dat am gwine ter 
 bring yoh down. I'se gwine ter make you make a home run 
 to-night, Gabe Watson. (Hides in mine) 
 
 ENTER Gabe, l., singing and looking bach 
 
 Gabe. Now I wonder what dat Crofford am up to! Now, 
 I don't like dat man, and if I miss anything around my house, 
 I'se all done know who took it. I just passed him down the 
 hill dar. He thought I didn't know him, but I knowed him 
 all right, and dat feller am up ter sometnin , and I knows it. 
 (Looks off r.) Oh, Lordy! I wonder if de ole woman am 
 lookin' for me? I'se all done see a light in de windoe. Gee! 
 I wish she wouldn't waste so much oil. (Starts) Oh Lord! 
 dis ole nigger sure am goin' to catch it to-night. I see her at 
 de window now. (Waves hand) How do, honey! Oh, it's de 
 cat. 
 
 Eliza, (aside; shakes fist at him) . Oh, yoh nigger! 
 
 Gabe. Liza don't like for me to trabble dis road alone after 
 dark. (Looks around) Huh, but what am dar to be scared ob? 
 I'se not scared ob nothin'. Why, I'se been all over dese hills 
 alone night after night, and dis ole nigger hab seen all kinds ob 
 curious sights. But what am dar to be afraid ob. Why, I 
 could whip de ole debble himself, and — (Low moan from Millie 
 in the mine. Gabe jumps, looks around, then smiles) Oh 
 golly! I thought Liza was sneakin' up on me, don't yoh know, 
 (Millie moans, Gabe trembles all over.) 
 
 Eliza (gets scared). Oh, Lord! I was goin' to make Gabe 
 make a home run, but I will do the runnin' and he can stay heah 
 and bark, for heah's where Liza am gone. (Runs off r.) 
 
 Gabe. Oh, Lordy! What am dat? (Millie moans) O 
 Lord, sabe me! (Runs r. and l.) Oh, which way will I go? 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 31 
 
 What am dat makin' dat racket? (Millie moans) Oh, sabe 
 me, sabe me ! (Falls on knees, attitude of prayer.) 
 
 ENTER Jack Grandt l., hurriedly and excitedly. He grabs 
 Gabe by the shoulder. 
 
 Gabe. Oh, Oh, it's got me! I knowed it would catch me! 
 Good-bye, Liza, Gabe is all done gone. 
 
 Jack (shakes Gabe). What's the matter with you, Gabe? 
 
 Gabe (rolls his eyes around, sees Jack, draws a long breath). 
 Oh! Oh! 
 
 Jack. What's the matter with you, Gabe? What are you 
 doing down there? 
 
 Gabe. Oh! What — why I'se down? Oh yes, why, why, 
 you see Marse Grandt, I — I — lost a nickel — and — and — I'se all 
 done trying to find it. 
 
 Jack (helps Gabe to arise). Did you pass anybody, or see 
 anybody as you were coming up the hill just now? 
 
 Gabe. No, yes, golly! Marse Grandt, I don't Know, let's 
 see, (Thinks) Oh yes, I'se all done met dat Harold Crofford 
 goin' down de hill, dat's de only one 1 seed. 
 
 Jack. Did you see a woman with him, or was he alone? 
 
 Gabe. He was all by himself, and goin' like de debble was 
 after him, and — (Millie moans. Gabe jumps) Oh Lordy! 
 Dar it am again! Oh, Marse Grandt! What am dat makin' dat 
 racket? 
 
 Jack (starts). Why, man, have you heard that before, don't 
 you know from where it comes? Listen! (Both listen. Millie 
 moans again. Jack goes and looks down in mine) My God! 
 Gabe! It is someone in this old mine, who can it be? (Millie 
 moans) Can't you tell, Gabe? It is someone in distress. Have 
 you been listening to that and not known what it is? Someone 
 is in this old mine and we have to get them out. We must rescue 
 them, and how is it to be done? It will be impossible to climb 
 down these walls for the timber has all decayed away, and even 
 if we did get down there, we could not get back. Think, Gabe, 
 are there any ways you can think of that we might be able to 
 rescue them? If I only had a rope! 
 
 Gabe. I hab it, Marse Grandt! I hab it! I'll all done go 
 and get a rope and Liza and we'll done get them out all right. 
 Jist wait here, I'll hurry and I tell yoh we'll get them out. 
 
 [EXIT r., running. 
 
 Jack. Great Heavens! What can be the meaning of this? 
 I saw Millie Van Cliff leave the boarding house and come toward 
 
32 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 the old mine; later I saw Harold Crofford returning alone to 
 the village. Can it be that they met here by appointment and 
 there has been foul play? {Looking down into mine) Millie, 
 Millie, are you down there? If you are, cannot you answer 
 me? (Low moans) Oh, God! If I only knew! This is mad- 
 dening, almost beyond endurance. Something seems to tell 
 me she is there. Some awful fear seems to clutch at my heart. 
 But why should he wish to destroy her? How can she possibly 
 be in his way! (Sees paper on the ground, picks it up, strikes a 
 match and reads it, starts) My God! Millie Van Cliff and 
 Harold Crofford 's marriage certificate! Great Heavens! Has 
 he tried to murder her to get her out of the way that he may 
 marry another! Oh, Millie, Millie, I realize now what you have 
 suffered at this wretch's hands. I understand who it was that 
 tried to tarnish your fair name to-day, who it was that tried to 
 turn those good folks against you. (Low moan. Jack looks 
 down in mine) Oh, if my eyes could only pierce the darkness, 
 if I could only see your sweet face, but I must save you. The 
 knowledge that you belong to another does not lessen my great 
 love for you. I must save you and together we will bring that 
 villain to justice. I must get her out of here, or I shall go mad. 
 Oh, Gabe, hurry, every minute seems an age. 
 Gabe (off stage). Fse comin,' Marse Grandt, Fse comin\ 
 
 ENTER Gabe and Eliza at r., with rope and lantern, Jack 
 grabs rope and with Gabe's help ties it around himself. 
 
 Gabe. Now, Liza, don't you go hangin' back. I'se done 
 told you dat we had to hurry, dat somebody was down in de 
 ole mine, and dat we had to get dem out. 
 
 Eliza (aside). Now ain't dat a brave nigger? 
 
 Jack. We must hurry, there is no time to lose. I am going 
 down in the mine and I want you two to help me and the one 
 in the mine back to the top again. Take the end of this rope 
 and when I tell you all right, pull. Do you understand? Now 
 don't get excited; keep your heads, and we will not have any 
 trouble, (Goes down in mine) 
 
 Gabe. Now, Liza, don't get excited. We must save these 
 people. (Gabe pulling rope around, catches Eliza's feet in it 
 and throws her down) Oh, Liza, we must save dem persons 
 down dar, you know we must. Liza, come help me, Liza, don't 
 stand dar lookin' at me dat way. 
 
 Eliza. Standin', huh, funny way standin'. If you wouldn't 
 talk so much and do more work, yoh ole wind bag yoh — (Gets up.) 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 33 
 
 Gabe. Oh, listen, Liza! (Looks down in mine) Hello, 
 what is dat? What did you say, pull? Oh, all right, be care- 
 ful now, he said pull. (Gabe and Eliza pull on rope) 
 
 Liza. I'se can't do it all. 
 
 Gabe. Oh, pull, Liza, and don't talk. What did I'se bring 
 yoh down heah for? 
 
 Liza. Haint I'se pullin'? Yoh must think I'se strong nuf 
 to pull de whole mine up, all yoh been doin' is blow. 
 
 Gabe. Oh, Liza, we must save dem persons. Now pull, now 
 all together, dey am comin' all right, pull. 
 
 Liza. Does you want me to pull it all myself? 
 
 Gabe. Oh Lord, Liza, I'se all done believe dar am an ele- 
 phant on de other end. 
 
 Liza. No, sir, de elephant am on dis end. 
 
 Gabe. Oh, pull, Liza, and don't blow so much. Say, Liza, 
 if dat am an elephant we will start out with a circus. 
 
 Liza. Well, Gabe, you all done would make a good baboon. 
 
 Gabe. Oh, Liza, pull. 
 
 Liza. Ain't I'se pullin'? 
 
 Gabe. Pull, Liza, dar dey come. It am a girl! Oh, Liza, 
 Liza! 
 
 Jack (in mine). Be steady, you are doing good work. 
 
 Gabe. Yes, Liza, be steady. Pull now, let's save dem. 
 (Jack pulls himself out on the top of mine with Millie in his arms. 
 Gabe holds lantern up to her face, starts) Why! As sure as 
 I'se alive, it am Miss Millie Van Cliff, and alive! 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 Scene. — Same as Act I. The next morning, 
 
 ENTER Gabe, c. d. 
 
 Gabe. Now heah I'se all done got into trouble again dis 
 mornin'. I'se jist snorin' away up dar in my cabin to beat 
 de hogs and heah comes a kid sayin' dat Miss Simpkins done 
 sent foh me to come down heah and hoe de garden foh her to- 
 day. Huh, by golly, if Liza hadn't been awake and heard de 
 kid, I done told him to run on and dat I didn't have to work. 
 But Liza she said "Gabe" and of course I'se all done knowed 
 
34 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 what dat meant. She says, "Heah, you nigger, get right up 
 heah and get down dar and make a dollar or two." So I'se 
 all done come and I'se heah all right. Huh, I had to, couldn't 
 get out ob it, dat's jist de way I gets it all de time. Liza all 
 done got one ob dem foolish notions in her head dat she am got 
 to hab a new bonnet and a new dress, and where in de debbel 
 am de money to come from to get all dis finery. Now I don't 
 know what Liza means to bother me with all dis foolishness, 
 but I tell you dat she gib me de understandin' dis mornin' dat 
 she all done meant business, and I tell you when she looks at 
 me in dat tone of voice, I'se put-nigh hab to do what she tells 
 me. Liza always did appetite good clothes. I spose de reason 
 dat she wants all dese fine duds, she is figurin' on joinin' one 
 of dem soap clubs. Now I'se all done got to dig up some money 
 pretty quick and I'se been thinkin' bout somethin' I might do, 
 but Marse Grandt said foh me to keep my head shut bout dat 
 little funny business last night. But I believe I'se jist turn a 
 little trick on dat Crofford anyhow; I kin do it all right and get 
 some money and not give Marse Grandt away either. By 
 golly, I believe someone is comin' now. (Looks off R.from c. d. 
 Goes back) Yes, it am him sure nuf! 
 
 ENTER Crofford, c. d. 
 
 Gabe (takes hat off). How do, Marse Crofford, I'se done been 
 waitin' foh you. 
 
 Crofford (starts). Waiting for me? 
 
 Gabe. Yes — yes, sah, yes, sah. 
 
 Crofford (angrily). Well, what do you want? 
 
 Gabe (looks at him surprised). Huh! 
 
 Crofford. Well, state your business; I have no time to 
 fool with you. What do you want? 
 
 Gabe (rather excitedly). Yes, yes, sah. Dat am it. Ise jist 
 wanted to ax yoh to lend me ten dollars till pay day. 
 
 Crofford (angrily). What, nigger, lend you money! What 
 do you take me for anyhow, a fool? 
 
 Gabe. Shure, if you don't let me hab de money. 
 
 Crofford (starts at him). What do you mean, you black 
 scoundrel! Get out of here. 
 
 Gabe. Look heah, Marse Crofford, I may hab a black face, 
 but my heart am white compared to youhs. 
 
 Crofford (starts at him). You nigger! 
 
 Gabe (pulls gun in his face). Hold on heah, Marse Crofford, 
 I'se all done got youh covered with a brand new thirty-two 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 35 
 
 Smith & Wesson hair twigger revolver, and I might punctuate 
 you. 
 
 Crofford. What do you mean? 
 
 Gabe. Only dis, Marse Crofford, I happened to be on my 
 way home last night when I seed a little funny business ob youhs. 
 De ole mine tells no tales, but Gabe Watson can, see! And de 
 price ob my silence am one thousand dollars. Does you heah 
 it? (Looks over spectacles.) 
 
 Crofford (with a frown, angrily). Why, what do you mean? 
 I don't know what you are talking about! 
 
 Gabe (puts gun back in pocket). Oh, yes, yoh do, and yoh had 
 better come to time pretty quick, for dar was a young lady jist 
 heah lookin' for yoh, and if you don't gib me de money, I'se 
 gwine ter blow. 
 
 Crofford (pulls gun in Gabe's face). You will, will you? 
 Then blow! 
 
 Gabe (falls on knees and holds up hands). Oh Lord, sabe 
 me! Oh, Miss Eunice, sabe me! (Looking to r. back of Crof- 
 ford as though Eunice were coming. Crofford drops gun to 
 side and turns at once to see if Eunice is coming. Gabe grabs 
 gun and pulls it in Crofford's face) You will, will you? 
 Now speak quick; what does you say? I hab no time to waste 
 wid yoh. 
 
 Crofford (aside). What a fool I am! (Aloud) But 
 Mr. Watson, I can't get that much money on such short notice. 
 
 Gabe. Marse Crofford, I'se won't be hard on you. You can 
 gib me part ob it now, I'se will trust yoh foh de balance, foh 
 I'se think you will pay me all right. 
 
 Crofford (takes money from pocket and gives it to Gabe). 
 Here are five hundred dollars. You call at my office the first 
 of the week and I will give you the balance. 
 
 Gabe. All right Marse Crofford, I'se not hard on a man that 
 I'se knows is honest. I'se all done trust you foh I know you 
 will pay me. 
 
 Crofford. Now look here, Watson, you promise to keep 
 silent. 
 
 Gabe. Yes, sah, yes, sah, sure I will be silent as long as any 
 money is in it. Sure I'se all done gwine ter keep my head shut. 
 (Aside) Huh, gee, won't Liza smile when she sees all dis money. 
 
 Crofford. Now go, Watson, and let no one know your 
 secret, for if you do — well, you know me. 
 
 Gabe. Sure, Marse Crofford, I'se done know you, good-bye, 
 till we done meet again. [EXIT c. d. 
 
 Crofford. Curse him! It seems that even now with Millie 
 
36 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 at the bottom of the old mine I am not safe. Curse such luck 
 anyhow. I shall insist on the marriage between Eunice and 
 myself being solemnized within the next two hours, delays are 
 dangerous, especially in this case. How did that nigger ever 
 come to see me last night; I don't understand, and yet he has 
 me in his power! 
 
 ENTER Eunice r. d. 
 
 Eunice. Oh, Harold, I have been looking for you. Have 
 they found any trace of Millie Van Cliff yet? 
 
 Crofford {impatiently). Oh, I don't know, Eunice, it seems 
 as though everybody asks me where she is. How should I 
 know? I am not her keeper. 
 
 Eunice (surprised). Why, Harold, what is the matter with 
 you? I didn't think you really knew, I was just asking your 
 opinion. You don't seem very cheerful. 
 
 Crofford. Well, to tell the truth, I am not very well, and 
 I have a lot of business on my hands at present. One of the 
 shafts caved in this morning killing a lot of men, and their 
 families are going to sue for damages. But I am glad to have 
 the opportunity of speaking with you alone. Eunice, I have a 
 proposition to make that may seem strange and unreal to you, 
 but I think what I am about to suggest is for the best. Uncle 
 told me yesterday that his sole purpose for coming down here 
 was to make arrangements for our wedding, a long talked of 
 event, and he wanted it to take place at once. I thought at 
 first there was no need of so much haste, but upon later con- 
 sideration I have concluded that it is a very good plan, the 
 sooner the better. (Goes to Eunice, takes her hands) Do you 
 think you could be ready in order that the ceremony could be 
 performed within two hours? 
 
 Eunice (starts). Why, Harold, what is the meaning of so 
 much haste? 
 
 Crofford. Only this — I have postponed our marriage from 
 time to time solely because I thought it would be lonely for 
 you here in this rough mining town, but uncle thinks I need 
 you, and I have come to the same conclusion. (Aside) For I 
 need the money. (Aloud) So why should our marriage be 
 delayed? Come, Eunice, say you will do this. 
 
 Eunice. Why — why — Harold, I can't understand you. 
 Only yesterday I thought you acted as if our marriage was dis- 
 tasteful to you. Now you don't want to delay a minute. It 
 is all so bewildering, I hardly know what to say. 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 37 
 
 Crofford. Then I will decide for you. I shall notify the 
 pastor and at noon to-day we shall be made man and wife and 
 uncle will be gratified at last. 
 
 Eunice. Oh, no — no — Harold, give me just a few minutes 
 to think it all over. Let me go to my room for a little while and 
 try to comprehend it all. Then I will meet you here and tell 
 you what I have decided is best for us to do; in the meantime 
 you must talk to uncle. 
 
 Crofford. But, Eunice, I can see no cause whatever why 
 this should not be as I have said. It seems it has to be sooner or 
 later, and why not immediately, as I have suggested? 
 
 Eunice. I don't know, I cannot express my feelings in 
 regard to that matter. Your proposal has rather unsettled 
 my nerves, coming, as it has, in the wake of the strange dis- 
 appearance of this young girl. Just give me a few minutes alone 
 and then I will meet you here and we will decide. (Goes to 
 Crofford) Don't be angry with me, Harold, for I cannot 
 help it. I can give no reason for my actions but this : — it's only 
 a woman's way. 
 
 Crofford. Then I hope your answer will be favorable, and 
 let me know as soon as you can as I will be impatiently waiting 
 for you. 
 
 Eunice. I will return within the hour. [EXIT r. d. 
 
 Crofford. I think she will come to my terms all right. 
 Now the next thing is to get the old man on my side. (Crosses 
 to r.) Curse it all! If I could only get hold of the money 
 they could all go to the devil, as far as I am concerned. 
 
 ENTER Si. c. d. 
 
 Si. Howdy, howdy, my boy, glad to see you. I have been 
 all around the mines and find everything in good working order. 
 Things are in fine shape. You are a good manager, Harold, by 
 jingos, if it ain't, everything in good order, jist as good as if I 
 were attending to them myself. 
 
 Crofford. I am glad you are satisfied, uncle. I am sure 
 I have done my best. But, uncle, I have a proposition to make; 
 what do you say to Eunice and me being married at once? 
 
 Si. (sinks into chair). Why — why — Harold, my boy, you 
 plum knocked me off my feet. I calcalated on you gettin' 
 married all right, but not quite so soon. Why, what's got into 
 your head now? 
 
 Crofford. Oh, nothing at all, only I thought as we were 
 going to be married we might as well havejt over with. We 
 
38 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 could be married just as well at noon to-day, as a week or a year 
 from now, and I have come to the conclusion that I need Eunice 
 to help me. She could help me solve many a weighty problem 
 in the affairs of the miners here. Her counsel and judgment 
 will help unravel many a tangled affair, and I want her with me. 
 
 Si. (gets up). Wal now, aint that jist what I have been trying 
 ter tell you? Of course you need her. Why, I tell ye, by 
 hinkies, you wouldn't have to coax me ter marry a fine gal like 
 that! But say, Harold, have they found that Van Cliff girl yet? 
 
 Crofford (starts; aside). Why is it that everybody asks 
 me that? Do they suspect me? (Aloud) Oh, uncle, I don't 
 know anything about it. To my knowledge, they have not 
 found her. 
 
 Si. But say, Harold, that was a pretty funny piece of busi- 
 ness. What do you think happened to her? 
 
 Crofford. I tell you, uncle, I don't know anything about 
 her. Ask Jack Grandt. It's my opinion he knows all about 
 her, for he was in love with her. Of course, I don't like to 
 accuse any one of such an act, but I am satisfied he knows all 
 about her. 
 
 Si. (starts). What! Harold, you don't think Jack Grandt 
 has done anything with the gal? Why, Harold, I could never 
 believe it, not Jack Grandt. 
 
 Crofford. You don't know Jack Grandt as well as I do, 
 but let us not talk about it. What's the use of us wasting time 
 talking about that? What have you to say about this wedding? 
 
 Si. Wal, by gum, it's all right with me, the sooner the better. 
 Go ahead with it and have it over. But we can't have it at 
 noon for we must have more time to get ready. Say we will 
 have it at eight o'clock this evening, that will give us all time. 
 
 Crofford. Time — time — why, we have had too much time 
 now. This should have been over with two months ago; we 
 don't need any more time. We are all ready as far as we need 
 to be, so what's the use of waiting. Come, uncle, let us have 
 it over with. 
 
 Si. Now come, my boy, don't get excited over it. There 
 is no one going to steal Eunice. We need time to do this up 
 right, and I don't care what you say, my boy, it's going to be 
 to-night at eight with a big wedding supper, by jingos. I'm 
 going right down now to tell Miss Simpkins and — (Starts toward 
 c. d., stops, then goes back) Say, Harold, you go and tell her — 
 I forgot, she might get it into her head that it is her and I that 
 are going to get married. 
 
 Crofford. Oh, uncle, we don't need any blow-out at all. 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 39 
 
 Just let us get married quietly and go away on a little wedding 
 trip and come back in a few days to settle down. What is the 
 use of all this fuss? 
 
 Si. Now, looky here, Harold, I've planned for this wedding 
 for a long time and I'm not going to be cheated out of the 
 pleasure of having a good oldfashioned time, seem' this is the 
 only wedding we'll have in our family while I am alive, and — 
 (Sees Miss Simpkins, falls in chair, groans; aside) There it is! 
 
 ENTER Miss Simpkins, c. d. 
 
 Chofford. Well, have it your own way, uncle. But here 
 is Miss Simpkins now. You can make arrangements with her. 
 
 [EXIT c. d. 
 
 Si. (rises. Aside). By hinkers, what do you think of that! 
 But I must do the best I can. (Aloud.) Howdy, Miss Simp- 
 kins. 
 
 Miss S. (bows). Why good morning, Mr. Crofford. I hope 
 you are rested by this time. I dreamed of you all night, Si. 
 (Looks shy.) 
 
 Si. (falls in chair, groans; Aside). Oh Lord! I'm done for! 
 
 Miss S. I hope you thought of me. 
 
 Si. Oh yes, I thought of you, all right. Why, I had the 
 worst nightmare I ever had thinkin' of you. 
 
 Miss S. Oh, Si, how nice of you to think so much of me at 
 first sight. Why, I can hardly believe my own ears. 
 
 Si. (aside). I should say not. (Aloud) Say, Miss Simp- 
 kins, do you think you could get up a good wedding supper 
 by eight o'clock to-night? 
 
 Miss S. (jumps, screams). Oh my goodness, Silas, you're 
 getting in a hurry. Why, I don't understand, but I would like 
 to know. 
 
 Si. I mean that we are goin' ter have a wedding to-night, 
 and I want you to get things ready, for we aint got much time. 
 
 Miss S. Oh yes, Silas, I understand. But it won't take 
 me long to get ready. Of course I know you would take me 
 just as I am, but I want to look just as nice as I can, so I will 
 just go now and order the supper prepared and then I can spend 
 the rest of the day getting ready, for I do want to look my 
 prettiest so you will love me more. So good-bye, dear Silas, I 
 will be ready in time. (Starts to leave c.) 
 
 Si. (runs after her, grabs her dress). Here, here. 
 
 Miss S. (turns to Si.). Oh yes, Silas, I was forgetting some- 
 thing. I am so glad you thought of it — that we kiss before 
 
40 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 we part. (Opens out her arms to Si. and starts toward him) 
 Come on, dear Silas. (Si. runs off stage c. d., hollering; Miss 
 Simpkins after him holding his coat tails.) [EXIT c. d. 
 
 ENTER Jack with Millie leaning on his arm, r. d. 
 
 Jack (placing Millie on sofa). How do you feel, Millie? 
 
 Millie. Oh, I am feeling so much better this morning, Jack. 
 
 Jack. I am very glad of that. Do you feel strong enough 
 to talk matters over with me? If not, I can go, until you do 
 feel strong enough, Millie, but I am very anxious to get to work 
 and have that villain punished. In fact, I can hardly keep 
 my hands off him when I think what he has made you suffer. 
 (Sits on chair) In the first place, Millie, how did you ever 
 come to marry him, a man whose soul is so dead to honor, a 
 man whose only thought is for self? 
 
 Millie (goes and kneels by Jack; Jack lays his arm across 
 her shoulders). Listen to me, Jack, and I will tell you all. I 
 have always known what it is to be poor and be denied almost 
 every pleasure in life. My mother always was an invalid and 
 my father was compelled to work day after day at the hardest 
 labor to make a living for us. I studied hard, and at the age 
 of seventeen was able to become a teacher in a school. About 
 that time my poor father was killed in an accident in the mine 
 where he was working, and the shock killed my patient, suffering 
 mother; so I was left alone. It was about this time that I met 
 Harold Crofford, and I was so lonely and broken-hearted that 
 I would have turned to a dog if he would have shown me any 
 kindness. Harold Crofford professed to love me and persuaded 
 me to enter into a secret marriage, telling me that in a little 
 while, as soon as he could win his uncle over, he would have our 
 marriage published. I did not really love him, but he was kind 
 to me, so I tried to care for him and I felt, as his wife I would 
 have someone to cling to and to care for me ; so we were married. 
 After months had passed, we were seen so much together that 
 people began talking, and I pleaded with him to have our mar- 
 riage made public. But he had grown tired of me, and his 
 answers were always of the most abusive kind, and several 
 times he struck me ; then, as you know, he tried to kill me. 
 
 Jack (springing to his feet, angry and excited). The villain! 
 Curse him! He shall answer to me for the great wrong he has 
 done you. I swear to God that he shall suffer as he has made 
 you suffer, even if it costs me my life to accomplish it. 
 
 Millie (kneels at his feet, grabs his hand). Oh, Jack, don't, 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 4t 
 
 for my sake! Don't do it! If your hands were stained with 
 his life's blood, what would it avail you? Leave his punishment 
 to God. 
 
 Jack (raises her to her feet). You go to your room, Millie, 
 you are hardly able to stand a meeting with him now, and be- 
 sides, I want to be alone to think — to plan — to try and figure 
 out some way to help you. 
 
 Millie. I will leave you under one consideration — that you 
 promise me you will do nothing rash. It would only add to my 
 sorrow, Jack, and do no good. I married him, for better or 
 for worse ; I am his wife, I must fight it out alone. 
 
 Jack. No, even if you are his wife in name, I still have the 
 right to help you. Has he not done enough to shatter the 
 marriage contract? 
 
 Millie. Yes, Jack, in the eyes of the law but not in the eyes 
 of God. Death alone can shatter that. He is as far from me 
 as if the grave loomed between us in our material lives, but the 
 holy tie of God will bind us till death do us part. Promise me, 
 Jack, that you will go away and try to forget me. 
 
 Jack. No, I cannot promise that, Millie, but go to your room ; 
 leave me to think, to plan, to consider all that has passed be- 
 tween us; may be I can come to some conclusion: may be I 
 can plan some means of escape for you, and a way that he, the 
 man who has ruined your life, may be brought to judgment. 
 Go now, Millie, and leave me alone. (Takes her by the hand, 
 leads her r.) 
 
 Millie. Remember, Jack, when he and you meet, what 
 you have promised me. 
 
 Jack. I shall not forget. [EXIT Millie r.d. 
 
 Jack (goes up a). I shall not forget anything when we meet, 
 and the main thing will be that he stands between me and the 
 woman I love. 
 
 ENTER Crofford, c. d. 
 
 Crofford (starts). Oh pardon me. I did not know the 
 room was occupied. I will retire. (Starts to leave.) 
 
 Jack. No. You will remain right here. I have a little 
 matter to discuss with you. 
 
 Crofford (turns to him) . Oh, you take on a tone of command ! 
 What if I refuse to remain? 
 
 Jack. You dare not refuse. If you do, you leave here to 
 enter a prison cell. 
 
 Crofford. Well, you talk as if I had committed a crime. 
 
42 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 I think, Mr. Grandt, you are over-stepping your bounds and 
 I am not the kind of a man to trifle with a love-sick fool. 
 
 Jack. When I tell you what I know of your actions since 
 yesterday evening, you will be quite willing to stay and listen. 
 
 Crofford (starts; aside). What can he know? The fool! 
 (Aloud) My actions have been that of a gentleman, can you 
 say the same? 
 
 Jack. I can ; but I can prove yours to be the reverse. What 
 do you know of Millie Van Cliff's disappearance? (Crofford 
 starts) Do you deny that you have not seen her since we were 
 all here in this room yesterday? Dare you attempt to do such 
 a thing? Do you deny that she is your wife (Crofford starts) 
 and that you threw her in the old mine to rid yourself of her, 
 that you might marry another? Answer me, man! Do you 
 deny all this? If you do, all I have to say is — you he! 
 
 Crofford. How dare you reproach me with such infamous 
 accusations! What right have you or any other man to say 
 I know or had anything to do with the disappearance of Millie 
 Van Cliff? I deny all you have said, and I dare you to prove it! 
 She is nothing to me, but I would be afraid to say what she might 
 be to you. 
 
 Jack (starts at him). You villain! Take that back, or I will 
 kill you! You are not satisfied with trying to take her life, 
 but you must rob her of all else. 
 
 Crofford (draws revolver; Jack starts back). Don't be in a 
 hurry, my young man. You have been bothering yourself 
 quite a great deal about . my affairs lately, and right now is 
 where we come to an understanding. 
 
 (Millie appears at c. d., unseen by Jack and Crofford). 
 
 Jack. Yes, I am perfectly satisfied with that, and also 
 that you are going to make amends to Millie Van Cliff for the 
 wrong you have done her. You are a coward and a dog in 
 every sense of the word, and — 
 
 Crofford. Not so fast, my fine fellow. You see I have the 
 drop on you. Now, sir, may I ask why you take such an interest 
 in Millie Van Cliff? Would a man take the interest in a woman 
 you do in her if she were nothing to you, or you to her? How 
 many times have you been in her room? 
 
 Jack (starts at him). Stop! 
 
 Crofford. Ha, ha, I see it all! Then you try to throw 
 the blame of her disappearance on innocent shoulders! A 
 pretty scheme! 
 
Uncle Si's Predicament 43 
 
 Jack. You coward! You dog! I will kill you for that. 
 (Starts at him.) 
 
 Crofford (points gun at him). Jack Grandt, you're a dead 
 man! 
 
 Millie (springs forward; throws Crofford's arm up, re- 
 volver explodes). Not that! Not that! You shall not kill him. 
 
 ENTER Si., Eunice, Miss Simpkins, Gabe, and Eliza. 
 
 Si. Jee-hosa-phat! What be goin' on in here anyhow? 
 
 Miss S. Well, I would like to know. 
 
 Gabe. What am dat makin' dat racket? 
 
 Crofford (starts). Millie! My wife! The dead come back 
 to life? 
 
 Jack. No, the dead have not come back to life, but the old 
 mine has given up your victim. 
 
 Millie. At last you have lifted the mantel of shame. You 
 have acknowledged me as your wife. 
 
 Crofford (starts; aside). Curse it! What a fool I am to 
 make such a mess of this. I don't know what in the devil 
 made me lose my head. 
 
 Millie (turns to Jack). Oh, Jack, Jack! What if he had 
 murdered you! The very thought of it almost drives me mad! 
 
 Crofford. Oh, you would save your lover's life, and you 
 call yourself a wife. (Laughs) Pretty state of affairs, isn't 
 it? But I'll make you both pay for this, there will be enough 
 scandal in this town to-morrow to start a volcano. (Starts to 
 leave, c. d.) 
 
 Jack (draws revolver on him). Stop! If you move, I'll kill 
 you! 
 
 Millie. I — I don't know what to do; my brain is bursting. 
 To think that the man I trusted, the man to whom I gave my 
 life, should treat me in the way you have! 
 
 Jack. Courage, Millie, courage, he has played his last card. 
 The prison door is yawning for him. He will soon be a prisoner 
 and when he sits alone in an iron cell he will have time to reflect 
 and realize what he has done. 
 
 Millie. But to think how he came into my young life pre- 
 tending to love me, promising to protect and cherish me, only 
 to cast me off when he had grown tired of me, and not only 
 allowing the tongue of scandal to blacken my name, but en- 
 couraging and helping to spread all the vile rumors that have 
 gone broadcast against me in the last few months. And then, 
 Oh God! the thought of last night's crime drives me frantic; 
 
44 Uncle Si's Predicament 
 
 it drives the blood from my heart; my brain is almost turned 
 into madness! 
 
 Jack. Don't talk that way, Millie. Be brave, the storm 
 has spent itself. That man has run his dishonest race; he has 
 played his last card. 
 
 Crofford. No, Jack Grandt, I have one more card to play. 
 The prison doors will never close upon me, neither of you will 
 ever have the satisfaction of looking at me through iron bars. 
 I have one chance of escape. (Shoots himself , falls across stage.) 
 
 Gabe (runs, raises his head, takes off hat). Now dar he am 
 all done gon and killed himself, and he done still owe me dat five 
 hundred. 
 
 Si. (takes Eunice in his arms). Gol sworn it all, Eunice, 
 he wasn't good enough for you, I see that, so we'll go back home 
 and forget him. 
 
 Miss S. Well, I don't know what all this means, but I would 
 like to know. 
 
 Eliza. Gabe, you all done get away from dat dead man. 
 You have no right to be around dat dead man. 
 
 Jack. Millie, my darling, by his own last sinful act he has 
 freed you, and now we can be happy together at last. 
 
 Millie. Oh Jack, dare we dream of such happiness now, at 
 the hour of his death? 
 
 Jack. Why not, my darling, does he merit any respect from 
 you? Did he show you any? (Holds out arms to her) Come, 
 Millie, give yourself into my keeping; let us seek a world of 
 happiness together. (Millie goes to Jack, they embrace.) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
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