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A 
 
 BACHELOR'S ELOPEMENT 
 
 B ComcO^ fn XTbrce Bets 
 
 BY 
 
 WILLIAM AND JOSEPHINE GILES 
 
 Authors of Uncle Si's Predicament, Hoosier School, Etc. 
 
 COPTRIGHT, 1913, BY DiCK & FiTZGERALD 
 
 NEW YORK 
 DICK & FITZGERALD 
 
 18 Ann Street 
 

 I.D' 32264 
 
Note: — The professional acting rights of this play are ex- 
 pressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical managers 
 who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur representation 
 may be made without such application and without charge. 
 
 A Bachelor^s Elopement. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Billy Nash, Nan's lover Lead 
 
 Tom. Green, a man of wealth Bachelor 
 
 Squire Evans, Nazi's father Old man 
 
 Debs, Evans' servant Comedy 
 
 Miss Nancy Evans, Squire's sister Old maid 
 
 Miss Nancy Evans, Nan, the Squire's daughter Lead 
 
 Time. — The present. Locality. — A country town. 
 
 Time of Playing. — Two hours. 
 
 SYNOPSIS 
 
 Act I. — Drawing room at the Squire's home. Morning of a 
 day in June. Nan. Evans, the only child of Squire Evans, re- 
 turns home from boarding school, informs her father that she 
 is engaged to the brother of a school chum, Billy Nash, and asks 
 his consent, which is refused on the ground that she is already 
 engaged to a wealthy bachelor friend of the Squire's, Thomas 
 Green. Billy writes Nan. that he is coming, addressing the letter 
 Miss Nancy Evans. An old maid aunt of Nan's for whom 
 Nan. is named, receives the letter, thinking it is for her. 
 Billy comes, meets the spinster, thinks she is crazy and by a 
 clever ruse he escapes. Billy returns, by mistake meets Green, 
 thinking he is Nan's father, asks for Nancy. Green thinks he 
 wants the old maid, and thinking he is doing the Squire a good 
 turn gives her away. Nan. enters and Billy takes her in his 
 arms telling her he has her father's consent, when in walks the 
 Squire, who starts in to tell Billy what he thinks of his conduct. 
 Billy, thinking he is the old bachelor Nan's father wants her 
 to marry, promptly throws him out of his own house. 
 
 3 
 
A . A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Act II. — Exterior at the Squire's home. Noon of the same 
 day. The Squire, who is very much incensed over the way 
 things have gone, plans to have revenge on Billy. Squire and 
 Green plan for Green to make himself up like Billy and get 
 Nan. to elope. Billy writes Nan. asking her to elope, this let- 
 ter is again delivered to the spinster who proceeds to get ready. 
 Billy comes, the Squire compliments him on his make-up. 
 Green comes. Squire thinks it is Billy, kicks him out. Nan. 
 and Billy meet and make their plans. Nan. goes to get ready, 
 Billy goes for a carriage. Green appears, old maid comes out 
 heavily veiled, Green thinking it is Nan. urges her to come with 
 him. She thinking it is Billy willingly goes. Nan. appears, 
 sees them, thinks Billy has deserted her, runs into house crying. 
 Billy appears, thinks Nan. has deserted him, leaves, cussing his 
 luck. Squire appears, laughing heartily at the success he and 
 Green have had in carrying out their plan. 
 
 Act III. Drawing room at the Squire's Home. Evening of 
 the same day. Billy returns to bid Nan. good bye. Nan. ac- 
 cuses him of marrying her Aunt. Billy tells Nan. she is mar- 
 ried to Green, they quarrel, Nan. exits crying. Enter Squire, 
 sees Billy, thinks Green has returned, congratulates him, tells 
 him he aught to go on the stage. Billy gets the impression that 
 the Squire thinks the same as Nan. that he is married to the 
 old maid. Enter Green and Nancy, enter Nan. All see the 
 mistakes which have been made. Squire Evans acknowledging 
 his defeat gives Nan. to Billy. 
 
 COSTUMES 
 
 Modern, and appropriate to the characters portrayed. 
 
 INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 
 
 Act I. — Post card, letter, tray and visiting card for Debs. 
 Gloves and parasol for Nan. Visiting card for Bill. 
 
 Act II. — Little dog, curling iron, letter, gun, can, rope, rubber 
 hose, and go-cart for Debs. Money for Billy and Green. 
 
 Act III. — Large metal kettle for Squire. Two tennis rackets 
 for Debs. 
 
 STAGE DIRECTIONS 
 
 As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, R. 
 means right hand; l., left hand; c, center of stage; d. l., left 
 door; d. r., right door; d. c, center door in rear flat. Up means 
 toward back of stage; Down toward footlights. 
 
A Bachelor^s Elopement. 
 
 Scene. A drawing room at Squire Evans' home. Morning of 
 a day in June. Doors R. l. and c. Davenport l., stand and 
 chair r., chairs up r. and l., rugs, carpet, etc. 
 
 ENTER Squire Evans d. r. 
 
 Squire {with coat on arm and hat in hand). Well, I suppose 
 things will begin to hum to-day; Nan's coming home from 
 boarding school. I won't be allowed to call my soul my own 
 after she comes. I'll have to cut out smoking in the parlor, take 
 my overshoes off at the back door, and then I will have to tell 
 her of her approaching marriage with my old friend Green ; of 
 course Tom. is a little old, but he's got the money. {Puts foot 
 on chair at stand and ties his shoe string. Up to d. c.) And I 
 tell you that's what counts nowadays. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. with post card in hand, looking at card. 
 
 Debs {bowing to Squire".? hack). Good morning Miss Nancy — 
 
 Squire {jumps, brushes chair off with hat, looks around). 
 Miss Nancy, Miss Nancy, why I don't see Miss Nancy, Debs. 
 
 Debs {laughing, aside). Oh, she just went out, sir. 
 
 Squire. That's strange, I didn't see her, but was there any 
 mail Debs? 
 
 Debs {looking at card). Oh yes, sir, a post card from Nan. 
 saying that she will be home to-day. 
 
 Squire {takes post card). Well, pretty nice ain't it, I don't 
 have to read my mail any more. Look here, you young scamp, 
 how dare you read my mail? 
 
 Debs. I didn't read it, sir. 
 
 Squire. Didn't read it! then how in the devil did you know 
 what was on it, if you didn't read it? 
 
 Debs. I just guessed at it. Squire. 
 
 5 
 
6 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Squire. I want you to quit guessing at my business ; if there 
 is any guessing to be done I'll do it myself ; I don't like people to 
 guess at things anyhow, and besides, I'll do as I please around 
 this house and it ain't anybody's business and — 
 
 Debs. But Nan. sir. 
 
 Squire. Don't speak again. Debs, if you do I'll fire you. 
 
 Debs. I'll remember sir. 
 
 ENTER Nancy d. l. 
 
 Nancy. Good morning, Samuel, I suppose you haven't for- 
 gotten that Nan. is coming home to-day? 
 
 Squire. No, no, my dear, I haven't forgotten. Oh, I am so 
 glad she is coming. 
 
 Nancy. Was there any mail for me. Debs? 
 
 Debs (takes letter from pocket and hands it to Nancy). Oh, 
 yes, Miss, here is a letter. I have been looking for you to give 
 it to you. 
 
 Nancy (takes letter from him). You may go Debs. 
 
 Debs (bows). Yes, Miss. (Aside) I wonder if that letter is 
 from a man, poor man. [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Nancy (looking at letter). Now I wonder who can be writing 
 to me, why it looks like a gentleman's handwriting. 
 
 Squire (Jumps up, surprised). A gentleman? 
 
 Nancy. Now be seated, Samuel, don't hurt yourself. I suppose 
 it is from one of my admirers. 
 
 Squire (staggers back, falling on davenport). Admirers. 
 
 Nancy (opens and reads letter). Why this is strange, I don't 
 ever remember meeting the gentleman. 
 
 Squire (jumps up, surprised). Then it is from a man. 
 
 Nancy. New Samuel don't bother yourself. 
 
 Squire. I hope it's from a man and he wants to marry her. 
 
 Nancy. Oh, how lovely, it seems as though I can see his face, 
 his grand and noble face as he penned these lines. (Squire looks 
 over her shoulder to see) Samuel Evans, this is my letter. 
 
 Squire. Oh, yes — yes, certainly it is, but I wanted to see his 
 face. (Aside) Huh, I would like to see his face when he sees 
 her. 
 
 Nancy. I suppose he has seen me somewhere. 
 
 Squire (aside). Oh, no he hasn't or he wouldn't have written 
 that letter. 
 
 Nancy. And he has fallen in love with me ! 
 
 Squire (aside). Poor fellow, he must have been looking for a 
 soft place to fall, but Lord be praised, maybe she will get a man. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement y 
 
 Nancy. Oh, how my heart thrills at the words of undying af- 
 fection. He says he cannot live without me. 
 
 Squire (aside). If I were he I would die then. , 
 
 Nancy. And he says that life will be a barren waste if it is 
 not shared with me. 
 
 Squire (groans). That fellow ain't right. 
 
 Nancy (clasps hands). Oh, it has come at last. 
 
 Squire (aside). Yes, and it will go the same way. 
 
 Nancy. I always knew there was a soul waiting somewhere in 
 this great wide beautiful world for me. 
 
 Squire (aside). Huh, she means a fool. 
 
 Nancy (looks at letter). He says all that stands between us is 
 the consent of — of — that word is blotted, but of course he means 
 brother. 
 
 Squire (aside). Brother — ^brother, consent of her brother, 
 huh, I'll start him up in business if he takes her. 
 
 Nancy. Oh, Samuel, I know you will not stand between me 
 and the man whom I love and who loves me so dearly ! 
 
 Squire (aside). 1 should say not, but here is where I am up 
 against it — what will I say so she won't know that I want to get 
 rid of her? (Aloud) Well now you see, my dear, of course you 
 know I never like to do or say anything but what is right, and 
 this is you know, my dear sister, a rather hard thing to say when I 
 have never seen the man or heard of him in all my life, and I 
 think too much of my sister to see her deceived ; but by the way. 
 who is this man? What is he? Where is he? and — 
 
 Nancy. Oh, Samuel, your questions I cannot answer but I 
 know that he is the man for whom I have waited these long 
 years, my soul-mate, my affinity, oh Samuel, can't you understand, 
 can't you see how he loves me ? Don't withhold your consent. 
 
 Squire (aside). No, that is one thing to which I would cheer- 
 fully give my consent. (Aloud) Well, my dear sister, when is 
 this young gentleman to call upon me? 
 
 Nancy. Oh, Samuel, he says he will be here at once, to-day, 
 oh, I'm so happy. 
 
 Squire (aside). And so am I. 
 
 Nancy. I shall have to retire to my room to think it all over, 
 in order to realize that I have found my soul-mate at last. 
 
 Squire (aside). I am afraid that I shall have to retire also, 
 for I am so overjoyed. 
 
 Nancy. If he should call, Samuel, without my knowledge let 
 me know at once. 
 
 Squire. Yes, my dear, I will call you. (Aside) Well, won't I, 
 everything inside of two miles will hear me. 
 
8 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Nancy. Thank you, Samuel, you are so kind. 
 
 Squire. That's all right, my dear, that's all right. 
 
 Nancy. Oh, my darling, oh, my darling. [EXIT d. r. 
 
 Squire (looking after her). Huh, what do you think of that? 
 I don't understand what this is all about, but it is all right with 
 me. (Door bell rings off c. d.) Now I wonder who that is! 
 May be another soul-mate. 
 
 Nan. (heard off stage). You men just take those trunks to 
 my room. 
 
 Squire, (jumps around). Wow-wow-wow — it's Nan. It's 
 Nan. 
 
 Nan. (heard off stage). Debs, Debs, take these suitcases and 
 show the men up to my room with those trunks. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. Squire and Debs run into each other's 
 arms. Squire hugs and kisses him thinking it's Nan. 
 
 Squire. Oh, Nan., Nan, my dear — (Sees it is Debs, throws 
 him off) Oh, oh, is it you. Debs? I thought it was Nan. 
 
 Debs. Yes, Squire. But I just came to tell you that Miss Nan. 
 has come. 
 
 Squire (grabs and kisses him). Oh, I am so glad that my 
 child has come home. I don't know what to do. 
 
 Debs. Huh, I have been working here for two years and this 
 is the first time that the squire has ever kissed me. 
 
 Nan. (heard off d. c. coming). Oh, papa, papa. 
 
 Squire. Sh, there she comes. (Looking off l. from d. c.) 
 
 ENTER Nan. d. c, laughing. Wears hat, and carries gloves and 
 
 parasol. 
 
 Nan. (runs, and throws her arms around her father's neck). 
 Oh, papa, papa, how glad I am to get home ! Oh, dear, I thought 
 the train would never get here. (Takes off hat, and with gloves 
 and parasol places them on stand) But papa I was very much 
 surprised that you were not at the station to meet me. 
 
 Squire. Well — well, my dear, it was this way, I sat up last 
 night with a sick friend and overslept this morning. I am very 
 much put out about it, really my dear, I am very sorry, but I 
 shall never let it happen again. 
 
 Nan. I know you won't for I am not going away any more, 
 papa. 
 
 Squire. Yes, that is it my dear, that is what I meant, you are 
 not going away any more, for I am not going to part with my 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement ^ 
 
 little girl again. It seems as though you have been away for two 
 years. 
 
 Debs. Huh, I guess she ain't going to kis5 me, so I might as 
 well go. [EXIT D. c. 
 
 Nan. (aside). Oh, I wonder what papa will say when I tell 
 him about Billy. I hardly know how to tell him. {Aloud) 
 Papa. 
 
 Squire. Yes, yes, my dear, what is it? 
 
 Nan. Well, well, I wanted to tell you that— that— 
 
 Squire. Yes, that, that, what? 
 
 Nan. That it was very dusty on the train. 
 
 Squire. Is that so? 
 
 Nan. Oh, yes, papa, it was. (Aside) Oh, how shall I tell 
 him? Oh, if papa could only understand without me telling him. 
 
 Squire. Well, that is strange, I never knew that. 
 
 Nan. But papa — why, why I have something to tell you. 
 
 Squire. All right my dear, what is it? 
 
 Nan. Well, I have a secret. 
 
 Squire (looks around). Is that so, did you bring it with you? 
 
 Nan. Oh, papa, you don't understand. 
 
 Squire. Oh, yes, I understand now, you have a secret, well, 
 out with it, you wouldn't be a woman if you kept it. 
 
 Nan. But papa you see — you — see — 
 
 Squire. Oh, yes, my dear, I can see a little yet, I can see as 
 far as from me to you any how. 
 
 Nan. But papa you remember, you remember last summer. 
 
 Squire. Well, yes, I think I can remember that far back any 
 how. (Aside) Huh, another soul-mate. 
 
 Nan. Well, you remember that I spent my vacation with a 
 schoolmate. 
 
 Squire (aside). Oh, it's a schoolmate. (Aloud) Oh yes, my 
 dear, I believe you did. 
 
 Nan. Well, papa, you see she has a big brother. 
 
 Squire. The devil she has. 
 
 Nan. Papa ! 
 
 Squire. Er — re you say she has. 
 
 Nan. Yes, a big brother. (Clasps her hands) Oh, papa you 
 just ought to see him. 
 
 Squire. Oh, I see a good-for-nothing scalliwag, a ladies* man, 
 one of these candy kids they call them, a thing that wears a gold 
 thing around his eye, carries a cane, imagines all the girls are 
 stuck on him, oh no, my d-.?r, don't talk to me about that 
 scamp. 
 
 Nan. (stamps her fo-T). '" ' 
 
j>j A Backelor's Elopement 
 
 Squire (jumps). Huh. 
 
 Nan. How dare you talk that way about Billy and say he is 
 good for nothing when you have never seen him. Why, papa, 
 he can play lawn tennis beautifully. 
 
 Squire (laughing). Plays lawn tennis? Wow — wow — wow — . 
 
 Nan. (in surprise). What is the matter with papa. 
 
 Squire. Say Nan., don't spring another one like that. Plays 
 lawn tennis, plays lawn tennis. 
 
 Nan. (pouting). It isn't every one that can play lawn tennis. 
 
 Squire. What if they can't, that won't get you anything. Look 
 at me, I never played a game in my life, and I dare say I am bet- 
 ter off than if I had. No, no, my dear, I have other plans for you; 
 I mean that my daughter shall marry a man. 
 
 Nan. I suppose you have selected the lucky individual, pray 
 may I inquire who he is? 
 
 Squire. Yes, my dear, you may. He is my life long friend, 
 Mr. Thomas Green, a very wealthy and respectable gentleman. I 
 believe you know him. 
 
 Nan. (angrily). Know him, well I guess I do and you want 
 me to marry that old red-faced, timbled-nose, bald-headed old 
 bachelor? Why papa, did you think for a moment that I would 
 do it? I should say not, besides I love Billy and that settles it. 
 
 Squire. Yes, it is going to settle Billy all right, but you are 
 going to marry Mr. Green and forget Billy. (Nan. angrily 
 stamps her foot, Squire jumps) Huh. 
 
 Nan. How can you have the courage to tell me you want me 
 to marry that old reprobate. Why, I wouldn't marry him if he 
 was the last man on earth, strung with diamonds from one end to 
 the other. I love Billy and if I can't marry him I won't marry 
 anybody, and that settles it. [EXIT crying d. r. 
 
 Squire (drops into chair and takes a long breath). Well, I 
 am glad that much is done. (Laughs) So Billy can play lawn 
 tennis. I wonder if his ma knows he is after the girls? (Door 
 bell rings) I wonder who that is? 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. 
 
 Debs (bowing). Mr. Green, sir. 
 
 Squire. Show him in. Debs, show him in. (Debs bows and 
 EXITS D. c.) My old friend Green, how fortunate, I want to 
 have a talk with him. 
 
 ENTER Green d. c. 
 
 Green. Ah, good morning, Squire. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement jl 
 
 Squire (takes his hand). Good morning, my dear Green, I am 
 so glad you came. I suppose you know that my daughter has 
 arrived? 
 
 Green. Ah, yes, my dear squire, you see I made it my business 
 to find out. Have you told her of our plans yet? 
 
 Squire. Yes, yes, I told her all right. 
 
 Green (grabs his arm). What did she say, speak quickly, 
 squire, don't keep me in suspense, let me know my fate. 
 
 Squire. Calm yourself man, don't get excited. You didn't ex- 
 pect her to fall into your arms as soon as she was told what was 
 expected of her, did you? If you did, you don't know a woman 
 as well as I do. 
 
 Green. Oh, but, my dear squire, doesn't my money tempt her? 
 
 Squire. No, nothing that we could say or do would tempt 
 her. You see, my dear Green, there is another man in the case. 
 
 Green (starts). Another man? What do you mean, squire? 
 
 Squire. Be calm. Green, everything will come out all right; 
 but, by the way, can you play lawn tennis? 
 
 Green. I can only play checkers. 
 
 Squire. You are too slow. 
 
 Green. What do you mean? 
 
 Squire. Just what I have told you. 
 
 Green. Do you mean that she loves another? 
 
 Squire. She thinks she does, which amounts to about the same 
 thing. 
 
 Green. What do you propose to do, let her marry him and 
 throw me out of it ? 
 
 Squire. Don't talk that way, Tom. I haven't had time to 
 figure out yet what is best, but one thing is certain, I won't let 
 her marry that fellow who plays lawn tennis. (Laughs) 
 
 Green. You can make her do what you want to, can't you, 
 ain't you her father? 
 
 Squire. Well, I think I am; at least I have let myself believe 
 I was for a long time. Friend Green, I will do all I can, but 
 come and let us go into the library and talk it all over. I am 
 afraid some one might come in on us here. 
 
 [EXIT Squire and Green d. l. 
 
 ENTER Nan. d. r. 
 Nan. Debs, Debs, ah Debs. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. running. 
 Debs. Yes, Miss Evans, I am here. 
 
j2 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Nan. Have you fed Carlo and given him his bath yet? 
 
 Debs. No, Miss, you see, I have been so busy getting your 
 trunks up to your room and " 
 
 Nan. (stamps her foot). Debs. 
 
 Debs {jumps). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Do you mean to say you have not fed that poor little 
 doggie yet ? 
 
 Debs. Well, Miss, you see 
 
 Nan. Go at once and attend to him. 
 
 Debs (starts). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Debs ! 
 
 Dei;s (stops). Yes, Miss 
 
 Nan. Will you v^^ait until I get through giving you my orders? 
 
 Debs (bows). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Feed him, give him a bath and then take him out for a 
 long walk. 
 
 Debs (aside). Take him out for a walk, now what do you think 
 of that! 
 
 Nan. Did you hear me, Debs? 
 
 Debs (bows). Yes, Miss. (Starts to go) 
 
 Nan. And Debs! 
 
 Debs (comes back). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Take good care of puppy, don't let him get hurt, do you 
 understand ? 
 
 Debs (starts to go). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Debs ! 
 
 Debs (comes back). Yes, Miss. 
 
 Nan. Was there any mail for me this morning? 
 
 Debs. No, Miss, only a letter for your father and one for your 
 aunty. 
 
 Nan. Was there any one here? 
 
 Debs. Only Mr. Green, that guy with a looking glass in the 
 top of his head. 
 
 Nan. So Mr. Green has been here, has he? The old reprobate. 
 I bet I make him tired of his job. You may go Debs, but remem- 
 ber what I've told you. 
 
 Debs (bows). Yes, Miss. ( Aside) Gee, I've got promoted, 
 nurse girl and puppies maid. [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Nan. I don't understand. When I last talked to Billy, which 
 was two days ago, he promised he would write so there would be a 
 letter waiting for me when I got home, and that he would arrive 
 the same day to ask papa's consent to our marriage. I can't 
 imagine what is the matter anyhow. 
 
 ENTER Nancy d. c. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement I^ 
 
 Nancy. Oh, my dear child, I didn't know that you had ar- 
 rived yet. 
 
 Nan. (they embrace). Oh, yes, you see I have come, aunty, 
 are you not glad to see me? 
 
 Nancy. Oh, yes, dear, I am so glad, for I have something to 
 tell you. Come sit down while I tell you. (Both sit on sofa) 
 
 Nan. (clasping her hands) Oh, do hurry up and tell me, 
 aunty, I am just dying to know what it is. 
 
 Nancy. Well, I am going to be married my dear. 
 
 Nan. Zlarried ! 
 
 Nancy. Yes, dear, I have found my soul-mate at last. 
 
 Nan. Found your soul-mate ! 
 
 Nancy. Yes, dear, ain't it too good. 
 
 Nan. But aunty, who is he, and where is he? 
 
 Nancy. Oh, I don't know, but he's coming, he expects to be 
 here today, to ask Samuel's consent. 
 
 Nan. (aside.) Papa's consent. I think papa's doing a big 
 matrimonial business. (Aloud) But aunty, what is his name? 
 
 Nancy. Why — why Billy Nash. 
 
 Nan. (jumps up in surprise). Billy Nash? 
 
 Nancy. Why Nan. what is the matter? Do you know him? 
 
 Nan. Why — why— er— er— well— I — I — know a man by that 
 name, or I mean that I have heard about him some place, but I 
 can't just remember. 
 
 Nancy. Yes, it seems to me that I have heard his name 
 some time. I think it is just a beautiful name. 
 
 Nan. Yes, I think so, too. (Aside) Billy Nash, can it be 
 possible! Oh, what am I thinking, it's not Billy, my Billy. 
 (Thinks) Oh, I have it. It's Billy's grandfather, for I have 
 heard Billy say" he was named for his grandfather, and won't he 
 be surprised to meet his grandfather down here. I wonder how 
 he ever come to know aunty. Why, that will make aunty my 
 grandmother. Oh, dear, I do wish Billy would come. I know 
 when papa sees him he will give his consent for Billy is so 
 handsome. (Aloud) But, aunty, I haven't quite finished un- 
 packing my trunks yet, you'll excuse me now, and we'll have a 
 long talk this afternoon and then you can tell me everything. 
 (Bashfully) And — and — aunty, I have something to tell you, too. 
 
 [EXIT laughing d. r. 
 
 Nancy. Now I wonder if Nan. has fallen in love with some 
 horrid man. 
 
 ENTER Debs with card on tray d. c. 
 
 Debs (hands card to Nancy). A gentleman at the door, he 
 wants to see Miss Nancy Evans at once. 
 
lA A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Nancy (takes card and reads). Oh, it is he, it is he! My 
 darling, my darling has come at last! Show him in. Debs, show 
 him in at once. 
 
 Debs (bows). Yes, Miss. (Aside) Poor man. [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Nancy (holds her hands over her heart). Oh, how my heart 
 flutters. Oh, dear, I feel all puffed up. I can scarcely get my 
 breath, I am so excited. 
 
 ENTER Debs with Billy d. c. 
 
 Nancy (business arranging herself on sofa). Oh, how 
 handsome ! My soul-mate, my ideal, my hero ! 
 
 Debs (to Billy), Don't get scared, sir, she ain't dangerous. 
 
 [EXIT D. c. 
 
 Billy (going to Nancy). Good morning, madam, I called to 
 see Miss Nancy Evans. 
 
 Nancy (bashfully). Yes sir! 
 
 Billy (looks at her in surprise). Why — why — I called to see 
 Miss Nancy Evans. 
 
 Nancy (aside). He doesn't know me! (Aloud) Yes sir, 
 What is4t? 
 
 Billy. What is it? That is what I am trying to find out. 
 
 Nancy. Oh, don't you know me, don't you recognize in me 
 the woman you have vowed to love always, did you jiot say 
 you could not live without me? 
 
 Billy (aside). There is something wrong here. 
 
 Nancy. Oh, you don't know how I have longed for your 
 coming, how I have sat thinking of the time when you would 
 come and take me in your arms. 
 
 Billy (aside). Why, she is crazy. Nan. never told me there 
 were crazy people in her family, but there must be, and I sup- 
 pose I will have to humor her to get away. (Aloud) Oh, yes 
 I am glad you have been expecting me. 
 
 Nancy (embracing Billy). And dear, everything is just as 
 we would have it. Samuel says he will not withhold his con- 
 sent. 
 
 Billy. Why, isn't that kind of Samuel. (Aside) Who in the 
 devil is Samuel? Oh, I hate crazy people. 
 
 Nancy. And I know we will be so happy together. 
 
 Billy. Yes, my dear, no doubt we will, but come sit down and 
 let us talk it all over. (Leads Nancy to a chair, and stands at 
 her back) You see, my dear, we have just met. 
 
 Nancy. No, no my dear, our souls have been united for ages ; 
 at night in the land of dreams our spirts have wandered hand 
 in hand in that beautiful garden of love. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement le 
 
 Billy (aside). How daffy crazy people can be. This thing is 
 getting to be too much for me, I guess I had better skidoo. 
 (Goes softly to d. c.) 
 
 Nancy. You have clasped your hand in mine dear, and I 
 have felt your arms around me. 
 
 Billy (aside). Good-bye, dear old lady, wander on in your 
 dreams, this good old every-day world is good enough for me. 
 
 [EXIT D. c. 
 
 Nancy (thinking he is still at her side). Haven't you felt my 
 head upon your noble breast, have you not heard my voice 
 whispering sweet words of love? And dear — (Looks up, sees 
 he is gone) Why, merciful heaven he is gone! (Runs to d. c. 
 just as Debs ENTERS. Thinking it is Billy, she embraces and 
 kisses him) Dear, I thought you had gone and left me. But I 
 knew you wouldn't do that. 
 
 Debs (aside). Gee, ain't aunty loving? 
 
 Nancy. Oh, my darling — (Sees her mistake, throws Debs 
 aside) Oh, how dare you, [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Debs. Huh, it seems as if the whole family had taken a fancy 
 to me. 
 
 ENTER Squire and Green d. l. 
 
 Debs (aside). Gee, the squire. 
 
 Squire. Now Tom. since I have apprised you of the fact that 
 you have a rival who plays lawn tennis, you will have to dig up 
 and do something out of the ordinary. 
 
 Green. I'll kill the son of a gun. 
 
 Squire. That would be all right with me, but it's too common, 
 my dear Green, you will have to do something out of the ordinary. 
 (Sees Debs) Why Debs, what are you doing here? 
 
 Debs. I — I — just wanted to tell Miss Nan. that puppy had 
 gone to sleep. 
 
 Squire. That's all right. Debs, I'll tell her, you had better 
 go and watch him, he might get the nightmare. 
 
 Debs (jumps). Oh, I hear him now. [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Squire. Now you just sit down here Tom., and I will bring 
 her in here, and we'll see if we can come to some agreement. 
 
 [EXIT D. r. 
 
 Green (sits on sofa). I do hope we can get her in the notion 
 of marrying me, and — (Debs heard off d. c.) 
 
 Debs. Go right on in, sir, the squire is in there. I must take 
 this infernal puppy out for a walk. 
 
 Green. I wonder who that can be? 
 
j5 a Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 ENTER Billy d. c. 
 
 Billy (stops at d. c, looks around room. Aside). I guess 
 she is gone, but there is the old gent, now is my chance. 
 {Aloud) Good morning Mr. Evans? 
 
 Green (rising). Why, good morning, sir. 
 
 Billy. I hope you won't think me forward sir, in addressing 
 you in this manner, but I have heard you praised so much by 
 my dear Nancy that I feel that I already know you. 
 
 Green (bowing). Thank you. (Aside) He takes me for 
 Miss Nancy's father, rather young looking to be an admirer of 
 her's. Maybe he will want to marry her, if he does I will just 
 help the squire out by giving away his dear loving sister. 
 (Aloud) Shake hands, my boy, glad to meet you, although I am 
 in the dark as to whom I am addressing. 
 
 Billy. Oh, pardon me, I should have introduced myself. 
 (Hands Green a card) Here is my card, perhaps Miss Nancy has 
 spoken of me. 
 
 Green (fakes card). No — I don't remember that she has but 
 I am glad to meet you, Mr. Nash. Sit down. (Both sit down) 
 For, of course, Nancy's friends are my friends too. 
 
 Billy (aside). This is easier than I expected, why, he is a 
 dandy old fellow, if he were Nan. I'd kiss him. (Aloud) 
 Thank you Mr. Evans, thank you, I suppose Miss Nancy arrived 
 home safely? 
 
 Green (aside). I didn't know she had been away. (Aloud) 
 I didn't — Oh, yes, she got home all right. 
 
 Billy. I suppose you were awfully lonely while she was away. 
 
 Green (aside). There it goes again, if I don't watch I will 
 get in bad. (Aloud) It wasn't the same place, it was so lonesome. 
 
 Billy (aside). Oh, there's the rub, he won't want to give her 
 up. (Aloud) A — hem — er — by the way, Mr. Evans, you know 
 you will have to give her up sometime, sooner or later. 
 
 Green (zuifh sorrowful expression). Yes I have often thought 
 of that, still if the right man comes along, and I think he is 
 worthy of her, and she loves him, I shall not stand between her 
 and happiness (Aside) I should say not. 
 
 Billy (aside). Here is where I have to prove to the^ old 
 gent that I am the right one. (Aloud) Well— er— er— Mr. 
 Evans, that is the object of my visit here to-day, to try to con- 
 vince you that I am the right man for Miss Nancy. She and I 
 love each other, sir, we cannot live apart any longer, she is every- 
 thing to me and I to her. Life will be a blank to each of us, 
 if you withhold your consent to our marriage. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 1 7 
 
 Green (rises and places handkerchief to his eyes). I hardly 
 know what to say; this is so sudden. (Takes Billy's hand) But 
 I believe you are the right man, and although it breaks my heart 
 to do it, I reluctantly give her to you. 
 
 Billy (embracing Green). Oh, my dear sir, you don't know 
 how happy you have made me. I shall never cease to be grate- 
 ful to you for the priceless treasure you have given me. (Aside) 
 That was easier than I expected. If Nan. were only here now. 
 I wonder vhen I will see her. 
 
 Green (aside). I guess I will make him a little jealous while 
 I am at it, it will make him more anxious to marry her. (Aloud) 
 But my dear boy you will have to watch out, there is an old 
 geeser living here who wants to marry her. He has a lot of 
 money, and in fact I thought at one time he might get her. She 
 seemed to like him pretty well, but I suppose after she met you she 
 changed her mind. Women are very changeable ; you can never 
 tell just what they are going to do, so I would advise you to 
 marry her at once. 
 
 Billy. Nothing would suit me better, I would marry her this 
 minute if it were possible. But where is Nancy? I must see her 
 at once and tell her the good news. How happy we shall be ! 
 
 ENTER Nan. d. r. 
 
 Nan. (sees Billy). Oh, Billy, you have come. (They em- 
 brace) Is it really you, I can hardly believe my own eyes. 
 
 Green (staggering). What in the tarnation does this mean? 
 
 Billy. Yes it is me all right but I feel like a different person, 
 I came here a few moments ago expecting to get kicked out, but 
 met with a very agreeable surprise. I have secured your father's 
 consent to our marriage. (Kisses Nan.) 
 
 Green (aside). This is too much for one man, I wish the 
 squire would come. 
 
 Nan. Then papa has given in, has he? I was afraid he 
 wouldn't for he told me only a few moments ago that he never 
 would give his consent. I wonder what could have changed his 
 mind. 
 
 Green (aside). I always knew I was free hearted but I never 
 thought I would give away the girl I wanted myself. 
 
 Billy. I don't know, dear, unless it was the great spiel I put 
 up to him. But what were his objections? 
 
 Nan. Oh, he wanted me to marry an old bachelor friend of 
 his, said it was a settled thing, and I would have to give you up, 
 but I knew he would fall in love with you when he saw you, dear. 
 
 Green (aside). And I have to listen to all this. 
 
jg A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Billy. Yes, he told me an old fool wanted to marry you. 
 
 Green (groans). Listen to that, but it's true. 
 
 Nan. Did he tell you that? 
 
 Billy. Yes, and he advised me to marry you at once. 
 
 Green (aside). I wonder how I can get out of here. 
 
 Nan. (delighted). Oh, Billy isn't that just grand. 
 
 Green (aside). I believe I am getting light headed, maybe I 
 am going to faint. 
 
 Nan. What did you say to him, dear? I want you to tell me 
 all about it. 
 
 Billy. Well, to tell the truth, from the way he acted, I think 
 he took a liking to me at once. I don't like to flatter myself but I 
 think I made a clean sweep with him. 
 
 Green (aside"). He's making a clean sweep now. 
 
 Nan. Oh, how delightful, I can hardly believe it. 
 
 Green (aside). Just wait till the squire comes. 
 
 ENTER Squire d. r. 
 
 Squire (looks up, sees Nan. and Billy). Here — here — what 
 does this mean, how dare you come here right in my own house, 
 and make love to my gal without my consent. (Shakes his Hst 
 at Billy) Get out of here just as fast as you can, or you won't 
 be able to get out when I get through with you, you young 
 rascal. Get out I say and never show your face around here 
 again. 
 
 BiLLy (angrily). What do you mean, you old reprobate by 
 talking to me that way, hasn't her father given her to me ! I 
 suppose you are that old hypocrite who wants to marry her, but 
 I'll show you a thing or two, and right here is where I begin. 
 
 Nan. (screams). Oh, Billy — Billy — what are you going to do? 
 
 Squire. Dare you dispute my claim to my own girl? 
 
 Billy. Claim ! I'll show you where your claim comes in. 
 Don't think you can run your bluff on me. (Grabs the Squire hy 
 the hack of the neck and seat of pants and puts him out d. c. 
 Green falls on davenport with a hopeless look on his face) 
 
 Nan. (running to Billy). Oh, Billy, Billy, what have you 
 done with papa? 
 
 Billy. I haven't harmed your papa at all, my dear, there sits 
 your papa. (Points to Green on davenport) 
 
 Green (with a groan slides off of davenport on to stage). 
 Papa ! 
 
 Curtain, 
 
A Bachelor's £lopeinent ig 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene. Exterior at Squire Evans' home. Afternoon of the same 
 day. Set house r., rustic seat l. Fence up stage with gate c. 
 Dog heard yelping off r. 
 
 ENTER Debs r. with little white pet dog in his arms, and a 
 curling iron in his hand. 
 
 Debs. I don't know what people take me for anyhow, heie 
 I've been out there for two hours trying to curl this blamed pup's 
 tail, but every time I touch him with these curlers he yells. I 
 don't know why he does it, but I can't even point them at him 
 but what he yells. Girls don't do that. 
 
 ENTER Nan. running from house. 
 
 Nan. Why Debs, what in the name of Heaven are you doing to 
 Carlo? (Catches the dog in her arms) 
 
 Debs. I was just trying to curl his tail with these curlers, but 
 he wouldn't hold still long enough. 
 
 Nan. Why Debs, how could you do it? 
 
 Debs. I couldn't, puppy wouldn't let me. 
 
 Nan. Oh, you good-for-nothing idiot, I don't see what papa 
 keeps you for anyhow. Poor little Carlo, did that bad boy hurt 
 you? 
 
 Debs (draws a long breath). Oh! 
 
 Nan. Never mind, I intend to tell papa what you have done. 
 
 Debs (aside). Now that's the thanks I get for working two 
 hours on that blamed pup's tail. 
 
 Nan. Poor little Carlo, I'll take care of you now myself. Oh, 
 Debs, you have burned the hair all off of puppy's tail. 
 
 [EXIT crying^ into house. 
 
 Debs. Huh, I thought I smelt something burning, I suppose 
 Nan. will have me running all over town trying to get a wig for 
 puppy's tail now. (Laughs) We can't tell puppy from the old 
 bachelor now; bald headed bachelor, and a bald tailed dog. 
 
 ENTER Nancy from house. 
 
 Nancy. Any mail for me. Debs? 
 
 Debs. I don't know. Miss, but I will go and see. [EXIT R, 
 
20 -^ Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Nancy (sits on rustic seat). I have been trying to figure out 
 what has become of Mr. Nash, but I know it must have been some- 
 thing dreadful that called him from me so suddenly this morn- 
 ing. 
 
 ENTER Debs r. with letter in his hand. 
 
 Debs (looking at letter). Here is a letter for Miss Nancy 
 Evans, it's a drop letter and the same hand-writing as the one 
 that came this morning. 
 
 Nancy (grabs letter). You impudent boy, how dare you 
 scrutinize my mail, don't you ever do that again, you may go 
 now. 
 
 Debs. I don't know what she means but I will try and not do 
 it again [EXIT into house. 
 
 Nancy (opening letter). Yes, it's from him, it's from him, I 
 knew he would not desert me, now that we have met and plighted 
 our troth, oh, I am so happy. (Opens letter and reads) My 
 goodness, Samuel must have refused his consent to our marriage, 
 for he wants me to elope with him at once. He says he cannot 
 live another hour without me, that I must not refuse him, but 
 come at once. He will be waiting for me at the old stone gate, 
 and for me to wear that gray travelling dress he likes so well, and 
 also wear a heavy veil. I'll do it, for I cannot refuse him, I'll 
 show Sam. that I will do just as I please. I'll make all possible 
 haste, for I must not keep him waiting. 
 
 [EXIT, running into house. 
 
 ENTER Squire and Green l. 
 
 Squire. Say Tom. that was a good one on both of us this 
 morning, wasn't it? 
 
 Green (sitting down). Don't mention it, squire, I am trying 
 to forget it myself. 
 
 Squire. I could not forget it Tom. if I lived a thousand years. 
 Just think of it Tom., disowned and put out of my own house by 
 a fellow that can only play lawn tennis. (Paces stage) It's al- 
 most more than I can stand, but say Tom. were you there when 
 he threw me out? 
 
 Green, Was I? Well I should say I was. 
 
 Squire. Why didn't you help me out a little. 
 
 Green. I thought he was putting you out fast enough. 
 
 Squire (angrily). What's that? 
 
 Green (very much excited). Well — er — er — , to tell the truth 
 I didn't like to butt in, I was afraid of making Nan. angry with 
 me. Of course I could have kept him down, but you know how I 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 21 
 
 am fixed in this case, it's up to me to keep on the good side of 
 Nan., if I ever wish to claim her for my wife. 
 
 Squire (cooling down). Yes, you are right Tom., we must 
 keep on the good side of Nan., but ain't there something we can 
 do to even this thing up a little? 
 
 Green. I don't know, Sam. It's too deep for me. 
 
 Squire. Look here Tom., you are not going to sit around with 
 your head down and let that young rascal run away with Nan., 
 are you? 
 
 Green. What can I do? I can't make her marry me, can I? 
 
 Squire (scratches his head). Say, Tom., I have an idea if you 
 have the sand to carry it out. 
 
 Green. Why squire, I am willing to do anything. I would even 
 learn to play lawn tennis if it would help matters any. 
 
 Squire. Don't mention lawn tennis, but listen to what I have to 
 say to you. (Sits beside Green) I want you to help me get 
 back on that young scamp, you have to do something if you ever 
 expect to be a son-in-law of mine. 
 
 Green. Well squire, that is what I would like to be all right, 
 but let me hear your plans, state your case. 
 
 Squire. Well sir, you get a suit, hat, tie, shoes, and a wig the 
 color of his. 
 
 Green. What? Is he also bald headed? 
 
 Squire. No — no — I mean a wig the color of his hair, and make 
 yourself up to look like him, do you understand? And I want 
 you to get Nan. to elope with you, she will think it is Billy and 
 will go. Take her to the parsonage and marry her, what do you 
 say, Tom.? I'll help you do it. 
 
 Green. Say Sam., do you think I am a show troup? I never 
 made up in my life. Why, she would know me if I was covered 
 with wigs. 
 
 Squire. Now look here. Green, I want you to do as I tell you. 
 I'll see that the plot carries all right. With my help you'll get 
 through without any trouble. If you want to gain my life-long 
 gratitude you do this. 
 
 Green. I don't care anything about the gratitude, what I want 
 is Nan., so I'll do it. 
 
 Squire (slaps him on the back). That's right, my boy, that's 
 right. " Faint heart never won fair lady." (Both rise) 
 
 Green. I suppose not. 
 
 Squire. Tom, think of the glorious revenge we will have on 
 that young scamp' who plays lawn tennis. 
 
 ENTERS Debs r., stands back and listens. 
 
22 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Squire (laughing heartily). Oh, Tom., I want to see his face 
 when we tell him you are married. 
 
 Debs (aside). Huh, the squire seems to be pretty happy even 
 if he was thrown out of his own house. 
 
 Green. I could find some pleasure in that myself. 
 
 Debs (aside). I would like to have seen the squire's face when 
 he was thrown out. 
 
 Squire. Oh, Tom., it will be the happiest moment of my life 
 when I have the pleasure of telling him you are married. I do 
 wonder what he will say, I can just imagine what he will think, 
 and how he will look. Oh — Tom. — Tom. — that will put the finish- 
 ing touch on everything, and then my revenge will be complete. 
 But come Tom., hurry up and get your togs on, and present your- 
 self here for inspection before you try to cut the caper, and then 
 we will proceed to show that smart aleck something. 
 
 Debs. I wonder what is doing. I never saw the squire in such 
 glee before, I wonder what's up. 
 
 Green. Very well, squire, I will try to do this stunt. But if I 
 fail don't be too hard on me, for this will be the first time that 
 I ever attempted to do anything like this. I tell you, squire, this 
 is out of my line of business. 
 
 Squire. But there is no such word as fail, go ahead and do as 
 I tell you. Why, a man with as slick a head as you have could 
 never fail. 
 
 Green. Please don't mention my slick head Sam., I can't help 
 it. 
 
 Debs (aside). He's got a head on him like the puppy's tail. 
 
 Squire (pushing Green toward l.). That's all right — that's 
 all right — we haven't time to fool with your bald head now. Get 
 a hustle on, think only of the prize to be won. 
 
 Green. The prize is all right, squire, but this is a sort of a 
 lottery, and I never was lucky at gambling. I am not going to 
 count on the prize until I have it nailed. 
 
 Squire. Go on, you haven't time to do any nailing now, don't 
 stop to talk about it, that won't get you anything. (Pushes 
 Green off l.) Thank Heaven I have him started at last. (Sees 
 Debs, starts back in surprise) Why Debs, what are you doing 
 here? 
 
 Debs. I just come in, sir, you see, I thought Miss Nan. was 
 here. 
 
 Squire. What do you want with Nan? 
 
 Debs. I just wanted to tell her that puppy had gone to sleep. 
 
 Squire. Well do tell, now isn't that nice, but you need not 
 mind. Debs, I'll tell her when she comes. Deb, has puppy learned 
 to play lawn tennis yet? 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 23 
 
 Debs. Oh, yes he can play all right, sometimes we get into a 
 scrap and I throw him out. 
 
 Squire (jumps, holds seat of pants). Wow — wow — wow 
 
 Debs (grabs Squire). Why squire, what is the matter? 
 
 Squire. Oh, oh, nothing, I was just thinking. 
 
 Debs. Thinking! Why squire, were you thrown out? 
 
 Squire (starts). No — no — you see — er — er — did you see it? 
 
 Debs. See what? 
 
 Squire. I mean did you see that young man who plays lawn 
 tennis put me out — er — er — I mean try to put me out of my own 
 house ? 
 
 Debs. No squire, I didn't have the pleasure. 
 
 Squire (angrily). Pleasure! 
 
 Debs (starts). I mean sir, I had the pleasure of taking the 
 puppy out for a walk just at that time, but I heard an awful jar, 
 of course I didn't know it was you 
 
 Squire (angrily). What! 
 
 Debs. No sir, er — er — I didn't see it, but you didn't let him 
 put you out did you? 
 
 Squire. No — oh — no indeed, but Debs don't you think it is 
 rather hot to-day? 
 
 Debs. That's what the puppy thought. 
 
 Squire. But Debs, I am going to do something to that young 
 scamp and I want you to help me. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, I'm your man. 
 
 Squire. Debs, I want you to get the shot gun and oil it up 
 well, I'm going to shoot him. 
 
 Debs (aside). That guy doesn't need to be afraid, the old 
 squire couldn't hit a barn if he was inside of it. (Aloud) Any- 
 thing else squire? 
 
 Squire. Get the hose 
 
 Debs. Whose, aunties? 
 
 Squire. No — no, I mean rubber hose. 
 
 Debs. Oh, no, squire, you'll have to get another janitor. 
 
 Squire. Debs. I mean hose that you water the lawn with. 
 
 Debs. Oh, yes sir, I understand now. 
 
 Squire. You see, Debs, I am going to drown him. (Squire 
 paces UP and down stage, with Debs following him) 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, I see. 
 Squire, And Debs. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir. (Aside) It looks like a big night to-night. 
 
 Squire. Get a can of dynamite, I am going to blow him up. 
 Debs. Yes sir. (Aside) I wish he would put a can of 
 dynamite under my salary 
 
24 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Squire. Get a rope, I am going to hang him. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, {Aside) I wonder how many lives that guy 
 has? 
 
 Squire {stops suddenly). And Debs! 
 
 Debs {runs into Squire). Huh! 
 
 Squire. Don't breathe a word of this to Nan., if you do I'll 
 fire you. 
 
 Debs. If I understand, you'll fire me. 
 
 Squire. No — no — I mean if you tell Nan. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, I see. {Aside) What would the poor puppy do 
 if the squire fired me. 
 
 Squire. Now, Debs, I guess that is all. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir. {Starts to leave) 
 
 Squire. And Debs — — 
 
 Debs {returns). Yes sir. 
 
 Squire. Why don't you hurry up? 
 
 Debs. Yes sir. [EXIT into house. 
 
 Squire. I do hope Green will hurry. 
 
 ENTER Billy r. 
 
 Squire. Ah, there you are now. 
 
 Billy {starts). I suppose this is where I get kicked out. 
 
 Squire {taking Billy's hand). Lord bless my soul ! If I didn't 
 know it was you I would swear it was that Billy Nash. 
 
 Billy {aside). I wonder who he takes me for, but I am mighty 
 glad he doesn't know me. 
 
 Squire. Why, my boy, you couldn't beat it. 
 
 Billy {aside). No, I don't think I could beat this situation. 
 
 Squire. Now don't lose your nerve old man and you can't fail. 
 
 Billy. No, I don't think I will lose my nerve, squire. {Aside) 
 The desire to see Nan. will keep me from doing that. 
 
 Squire. Now you want to walk right up to her when she comes 
 out, so she will think you are he. Just take her hand 
 
 Billy {aside). I'll take more than her hand, I'll take all of 
 her if I get the chance. 
 
 Squire. Tell her what you want her to do, take her in your 
 arms and tell her that you love her. 
 
 Billy. Oh, I'll do that all right, squire. 
 
 Squire. Tell her you couldn't live without her, kiss her, play 
 the part of a lover as you have never done before. 
 
 Billy {punches Squire in the ribs with his thumb). You seem 
 to know all about it, squire. {Aside) He must have been there 
 all right. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 2K 
 
 Squire. Never mind me, but if she says anything about her dad, 
 tell her you fixed that old guy all right, just mention about throw- 
 ing him out of his own house, that will make her believe it's you, 
 and tell her you can play lawn tennis, she likes the game so well, 
 Billy, the lawn tennis player. (Laughs heartily) 
 
 Billy. Oh, I'll do everything you tell me to. (Aside) I am 
 afraid there is something the matter with the squire. Strange 
 Nan. did not tell me about her father and aunt. 
 
 Squire. Why, old man, if I didn't know it were you, I'd be 
 running you all over the place with a shot gun. 
 
 Billy. Well, my dear squire, I am very glad that you know 
 me. (Aside) Or he thinks he does. 
 
 Squire. Why sir, there isn't a professional living that could 
 beat that make up. 
 
 Billy (starts, feels his face. Aside). Make up! Why I 
 wonder what he means. (Aloud) Well I should say not. 
 
 Squire. Why, my boy, you should go on the stage. You would 
 make a hit. 
 
 Billy. Thank you, thank you, squire. (Aside) I seem to be 
 making a sort of a hit now. 
 
 Squire. Keep up your courage, my boy, for I am going in 
 to send her out here. I will tell her you want to see her. 
 
 Billy. I can never repay your kindness, squire ! 
 
 Squire. No need to talk about that now. 
 
 Billy (aside). Say, this is getting interesting, but isn't the old 
 gent kind. 
 
 ENTER Green l. made up as Billy Nash. 
 
 Squire (looks up, sees Green and thinks it is Nash). Oh,. 
 there you are, you brazen faced scamp, just wait till I get hold 
 of you. 
 
 Green (starts in surprise). Why, squire, don't you know me? 
 
 Squire. Yes, I know you, and you will know me when I get 
 through with you. (Shakes his Ust at Green) Hey there, Debs, 
 bring me that gun, bring me that can of dynamite, bring me the 
 rope, bring me the hose. 
 
 Green. I must have overdone it ! 
 
 ENTER Debs from house running with gun, can, rope and hose. 
 
 Squire (grabs gun). Come on, Debs, we'll fix him. 
 Green. This is no place for me. (Runs around stage followed 
 by Squire and Debs) 
 
26 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Squire. Hurry up, Debs, don't let him get away, this may be 
 our last chance, I'll bet I'll attend to him when I get him, I'll 
 teach him how to play more games than lawn tennis, hurry up, 
 Debs. (Stubs his toe and falls down. Debs falls over Squire) 
 
 [EXIT Green l. 
 
 Debs (rising). There he goes, squire, hurry up or he will 
 get away. 
 
 Squire (rising). Come on, you fool, why did you fall down, 
 we nearly had him. [EXIT Squire and Debs l. 
 
 Billy. This must be a lunatic asylum, but I must make my stay 
 short or it might get a little too lively for me. If the squire finds 
 out who I am there will be something doing for me, and that's 
 no dream. I wonder where Nan. is ! If I could only see her I 
 might induce her to elope with me at once, and then I wouldn't care 
 what the old gent said or did. (Looks off l.) Heavens, here he 
 comes back ! I wonder if he has discovered his mistake. I'll 
 stay and see and if he hasn't, may be I can run the bluff a little 
 longer. 
 
 ENTER Squire l. 
 
 Squire (wiping forehead with handkerchief) . May be I didn't 
 give that fellow a good chase; if that good-for-nothing Debs 
 hadn't fallen down, we would have caught him. (Calls off l. to 
 Debs) You just keep a good lookout for him, Debs, and if you 
 see him you let him have what is in that gun, that will fix him. 
 (To Billy) May be I didn't lose my temper when I saw that 
 young scamp walking in here so brazen, just as if he had a right 
 to, why, I was so mad that i forgot everything. 
 
 Billy. I don't blame you, squire, I only wish you had caught 
 him. (Aside) Isn't that the truth? What if Nan. should take 
 him for me. Oh, I don't like to think about it; say that guy 
 would be better out of the way. I wonder if I can help the 
 squire any, I wouldn't mind taking a shot myself. 
 
 Squire. I tell you, if I had caught that fellow he never would 
 have been able to play lawn tennis again. 
 
 Billy. Seems as if the old man likes lawn tennis,, but I 
 wonder who that fellow is. (Aloud) I say, squire, who was 
 that chap anyhow? 
 
 Squire. Why, didn't you know him? He was the fellow who 
 wants to marry Nan. Don't you remember what he did to me? 
 You were there and saw it all right. 
 
 Billy (laughing, aside). That was the worst mistake I ever 
 made. The old gent will always hold that up against me. 
 (Aloud) Do you know, squire, you should have shot him. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopenlent 27 
 
 Squire. You just wait, I'll get him yet. He won't get off 
 so easy the next time. You just watch what I do to him 
 when I do get him. 
 
 Billy (aside). The old man is desperate; I see where I have 
 got to watch out. (Aloud) You are right, squire, I don't blame 
 you one bit. 
 
 Squire. Of course I am right, I am always right. I never make 
 a mistake in anything I do. I would like to see the young 
 chap that can get the better of me. I am going to send Nan. 
 out here now, and I want you to keep your nerve. Don't make a 
 blunder and spoil everything now when I have got the plot 
 working so well, it would be just like you though. 
 
 Billy. You can depend on me, squire, there is too much at 
 stake for me to lose my head. Send Nan. out at once by all 
 means for I am anxious to see her; of course you know how 
 I feel. 
 
 Squire (punches Billy in the side with his thumb). Sure I 
 do, I was in love myself once or twice. That's the way I like 
 to hear you talk, it sounds like a lover, all right, you old scamp. 
 
 [EXIT Squire laughing into house. 
 
 Billy. Now if Nan. will only hurry we can get away at once, 
 for somehow I don't feel as comfortable here as I would some 
 place else. I know I don't feel at home and you can never tell 
 just what is going to happen. 
 
 ENTER Squire from house with Nan., leads her to Billy. 
 
 Squire. Here she is Billy. Nan, I have at last given my 
 consent for you to marry Billy. (Nan. and Billy embrace) 
 
 Nan. Oh, Billy, I thought I would never see you again. Oh, 
 I am so happy. 
 
 Billy. Say Nan, this is better than I expected. (Aside) 
 What has happened to change your father so in the last few 
 hours ? 
 
 Squire (aside). I'll be giggered if my plan isn't working 
 better than I expected. 
 
 Nan. I don't know, but isn't he just grand, I suppose he saw 
 where he was wrong. 
 
 Billy. Don't build any air castles Nan., you can never tell 
 from one minute to the next what is going to happen in this 
 house. 
 
 Squire (aside). Nan. can't tell the difference, thinks it's Billy 
 all right. I tell you Green is putting it on some, I would like to 
 see that young scamp's face if he should happen to walk in here 
 
28 -A- Bachelor^s Elopement 
 
 now. (Aloud) You see, Nan., my dear, I have forgiven Billy. 
 I didn't understand at first how much you cared for each other, 
 but I am sorry now for what I did and said. Billy did just right 
 when he threw me out. (Makes wry face aside) I wish I could 
 forget it. (Aloud) I got just what I deserved for butting in. 
 (Aside to Billy) Tell her you play lawn tennis. (Aloud) Yes 
 — yes — you see, my child, after I saw how much you loved this 
 man I just had to give in, and now I freely and fully give my 
 consent for you to marry him at once, the sooner the better. 
 You can go right over to the parsonage and have it over with. 
 I am delighted that you have selected such an honest, upright, 
 intelligent, young man, and I know you will be happy. (Aside) 
 Will the Lord ever forgive me? 
 
 Nan. Oh, papa, you have made me so happy, for Billy'and I 
 do love each other dearly. 
 
 Billy (kissing Nan.). You bet we do Nan., and I intend to' 
 do everything in my power to make you happy. 
 
 Squire (laughs, aside). Now just listen, Billy — Billy, Green is 
 certainly going some. 
 
 Billy, Nan,, my darling you know we could never live apart, 
 we were meant for each other, and if your dear father had not 
 given his consent, we should have run away and married anyhow, 
 wouldn't we, dear? 
 
 Squire (slaps Billy on the back, aside). Good boy, you are 
 a dandy. (Aloud) That's all right my boy, you are right in 
 everything you say, I can see now where I was in the wrong. 
 (Aside) What if he should lose his wig, I know I would 
 collapse. I must hurry this thing along before something does 
 happen, I'd hate to lose now after getting things along thus far. 
 (Aloud) Ahem, now my dear children, don't you think you 
 might as well get this over with, well I mean er — er 
 
 Billy. You are right, papa. 
 
 Squire (laughs heartily. Aside). Papa, papa, oh, that son-of- 
 a-gun. 
 
 Billy, I can hardly realize Nan., that you belong to me at 
 last. (Kisses Nan.) 
 
 Squire. Oh, look at that now, (To Billy) Say Billy, don't 
 say papa any more till I kind of get used to it, that was too much 
 for me. (Laughs) 
 
 Billy. All right, papa (Billy and Nan. laugh) 
 
 Nan, (embracing Billy). Oh, Billy what has happened to 
 change papa's mind so suddenly? Why only this morning he 
 said he would disown me if I ever spoke to you again, you 
 don't think that papa is losing his mind do you? 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 2Q 
 
 Billy. No — no my dear I don't think that. (Aside) I know 
 it. 
 
 Nan. But he acts so strangely, one minute he wants to kill 
 you and the next he wants me to marry you immediately. I never 
 saw any one act as he does. 
 
 Billy. Oh, he is just changeable, my dear, don't pay attention 
 to him ; he is not right 
 
 Nan. (stamps her foot angrily). What! Papa not right. 
 
 Billy (jumps). Er — er — I mean he is not right when he 
 objects to our marriage, now don't misunderstand me dear, it 
 makes me nervous. 
 
 Nan. (putting her arm around Billy's neck). Oh, Billy I am 
 sorry I spoke so harshly to you, forgive me, dear, and I will 
 never do it again. 
 
 Billy (kissing Nan.). That's all right, dear, just a little mis- 
 understanding on your part. Don't you think we had better take 
 your father at his word while he is in a good humor, and get 
 married at once. I suppose you received my letter? 
 
 Nan. (in surprise). Why no, Billy, did you write me a 
 letter ? 
 
 Billy. Sure, I wrote you a letter. It's strange you didn't 
 receive it. (Aside) This is the worst place I ever got into. 
 
 Nan. Oh, may be papa got it Oh, my goodness I wonder if 
 he did. 
 
 Billy (starts). Do you think that possible? 
 
 Nan. I don't know, but if he did, it didn't hurt him any. 
 At least I don't think it did. 
 
 Billy. No, it didn't hurt him to all appearances, but it might 
 hurt me, especially if he should change his mind. Say Nan. you 
 go and get ready while I get a carriage, and we'll have that 
 knot tied so tight that he can't break it even if he does change 
 his mind. 
 
 Nan. Do you really mean for us to go at once, this very 
 afternoon? Why, I haven't any wedding dress. 
 
 Billy. Never mind the dress, you suit me all right just as 
 you are, it doesn't make any difference to me what you have on. 
 
 Nan. Why, Billy, you might think enough about me to want 
 me to look decent. 
 
 Billy. I spoke the truth Nan., you would be the same sweet 
 girl to me even if you were clothed in rags. I am not marrying 
 your clothes, for you are always beautiful to me, no matter 
 what you have on. 
 
 Nan. (embracing Billy). Dear old Billy, you surely are the 
 limit when it comes to flattery. 
 
^Q A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Billy. I never do that Nan., I always speak the truth. But if 
 you really want me to make a suggestion in regard to your dress, 
 I will say wear that gray traveling dress that you wore last 
 summer when you came home with sister. 
 
 Nan. Oh< Billy I am so sorry, but I gave that dress to aunty, 
 she liked it so well and then I was getting tired of it. If you 
 really want me to wear it I can borrow it of her. 
 
 Billy. Suit yourself, my dear, but above all things hurry 
 and let us get away before your father changes his mind. 
 (Embraces her) 
 
 Nan. All right, dear, I will hurry just as fast as I can, you 
 get the carriage and I will be back here before you can think 
 twice. 
 
 Billy (kissing Nan.). All right dear, now don't disappoint 
 me or let anybody talk you out of going, for if anything else 
 happens I am going to get a shot gun and blow somebody's' 
 head off. 
 
 Nan. Oh, don't talk that way, dear, for there isn't anything, 
 or anybody on earth that can keep me from becoming your wife. 
 [EXIT running into house; turns at door and throws a kiss to 
 Billy. 
 
 Billy (admiringly). Now isn't she the candy, there is nothing 
 wrong with Nan. But the rest of the family, why, they are 
 beyond anything I ever battled up against. 
 
 ENTER Green from l., looks around cautiously. 
 
 Billy (aside). There's the chap again that the squire took for 
 me. He has his nerve all right to come back here after what 
 happened to him before. Oh, Lord, do I look like that? 
 
 Green (to Billy). Say, what are you doing here? 
 
 Billy. Pardon me, but I was just going to ask you the same 
 question. 
 
 Green. I have business here. 
 
 Billy. So have I, and important business too. 
 
 Green. May I enquire what your business is? 
 
 Billy. You may sir, I am here to marry Miss Nancy Evans. 
 
 Green. I am very glad to inform you, sir, that I am here for 
 the same purpose. 
 
 Billy (aside). He means the old maid. 
 
 Green (aside). He is going to marry the old maid, poor fellow. 
 
 Billy (taking Green by the hand). Allow me to congratulate 
 you sir ! 
 
 Green. Thank you, sir, the same to you. I hope you will be 
 happy. (Aside) There's no chance. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement -jj 
 
 Billy. Nancy is everything a man could desire in a wife, and I 
 know I shall be perfectly happy. 
 
 Green (aside). Yes, when he's dead. (Aloud) Would you 
 mind telling me how soon the wedding is to be? 
 
 Billy. At once sir, we love each other so dearly that we 
 cannot live apart any longer, I am waiting for her now. 
 
 Green. That's funny, I am waiting for her too. 
 
 ENTER Debs c. from l. 
 
 Billy (approaching Green). I wish you would be kind enough 
 to tell me who you are? 
 
 Green, Ah pardon me, if I must introduce myself, why, I am 
 Billy Nash. Don't you know me, but who are you? 
 
 Billy. There is some mistake here for I am Billy Nash. 
 
 Green. Oh, no you're not, I'm that guy all right. Didn't you 
 see the old man give me a chase a while ago, wasn't that proof 
 enough who I am? 
 
 Billy (impatiently) . Oh, I know all about that, but that doesn't 
 tell me anything, for the squire is liable to chase anything that 
 comes along. But say, if I am not Billy Nash then who in the 
 devil am I? 
 
 Green. How do I know, it keeps me busy keeping track of 
 myself. 
 
 Billy. Say fellow, when you find out who you are, I wish 
 you would try and find out who I am, I would like to know. 
 (To Debs) Come here, Debs, I want you to solve a problem for 
 me. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, I was always pretty good in arithmetic at 
 school, give me your figures. 
 
 Billy (pointing to Green). Say, Debs, who is that guy? 
 
 Debs (sizes up Green). I don't know, sir, but the squire says 
 it's Billy Nash. 
 
 Billy. Yes, the squire says he's Billy Nash, and he says he's 
 Billy Nash. Well, if he is Billy Nash then who in the name of the 
 great horn spoon am I? 
 
 Debs. I don't know, sir, it's too deep for me, I'll call the squire. 
 (Starts towards c. Billy and Green both catch him and pull him 
 hack) 
 
 Green. Please let well enough alone, I am satisfied as it is. 
 
 Billy. No, Debs, don't disturb the squire, things are bad 
 enough as they are. (Aside) Here's a dollar. (Gives Debs 
 money) 
 
 Green. You see, Debs, the problem that is worrying that fel- 
 
^2 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 low doesn't bother me one bit, so you don't need to call the 
 assistance of the squire. (Aside) Here's a dollar. (Gives 
 Debs money) 
 
 Debs. Gee, you fellers are gentlemen. 
 
 Billy. We've got to be in this case. 
 
 Green. Well, you see it doesn't hurt to be a little liberal some 
 times, in fact in this case it's manners to be. 
 
 Billy (aside). I hope Nan. doesn't take me for that fellow, or 
 take him for me. That would be the hardest blow of all. I hate 
 to think about it. 
 
 Green (aside). I wish I knew how to get rid of that fellow, 
 he has no business here anyhow, may be if he was out of the way 
 I would have better luck. 
 
 Billy (aside). I don't like to leave that fellow here while 
 I go for the carriage, but what am I going to do? (Thinks) Oh, 
 I have it. Say Debs, I will give you ten dollars if you get that' 
 guy out of here. 
 
 Green (aside). How am I going to get that guy out of here? 
 (Thinks) Oh, I have it. Say Debs, come here. (Aside to Debs) 
 I will give you ten dollars if you will get that guy out of here. 
 (Gives Debs money) 
 
 Debs (taking money ^ aside to Green). I'm the guy that can 
 do it, watch me. 
 
 Billy. Come here, Debs. (Aside to Debs) Are you going to 
 take me up on the offer I made you? 
 
 Debs. Sure, I am great at that kind of work, watch me. 
 
 Billy. Show me. (Gives Debs money) 
 
 Debs (aside). Gee, twenty dollars! But how in the devil am 
 I going to work this thing? (Thinks, scratches his head) Oh, 
 I have it! (Goes to door of house and listens. Aloud) Say 
 fellows, the squire is coming. (Billy and Green both start) 
 
 Green. I guess I'll take a little stroll. 
 
 [EXIT L from c. gate, running. 
 
 Billy. Er— er — may be I had better go for the carriage. If I 
 don't get out of here I might need one. [EXIT R. at c. gate. 
 
 Debs (looking at money. Laughing). Just like finding it. 
 Gee, I can take a vacation now. (Looks r. and l.) Thank you 
 gentlemen, I hope we all meet again when I get short. 
 
 [EXIT into house laughing. 
 
 ENTER Green l. 
 
 Green (looking around cautiously). That was pretty clever of 
 Debs, I'll always remember him for that. Now if Nan. would 
 only come I think I could get her to go right along with me. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 23 
 
 ENTER Squire from house. 
 
 Green (starts. Aside). I suppose Fm in for it now. 
 
 Squire. Ah, there you are, my boy, waiting for her I sup- 
 pose? 
 
 Green. Oh, yes, I'm waiting. 
 
 Squire (takes Green's hand). Say Green, you're a wonder, I 
 didn't think you had so much talent. Why, man, you are a born 
 actor. That Httle scene between you and Nan. was the cleverest 
 thing I ever saw. 
 
 Green (aside). I wonder if the squire has been drinking! 
 (Aloud) I am glad you liked it, squire. 
 
 Squire (laughing heartily). And when you called me papa, 
 wow — wow — wow — that was almost too much for me. 
 
 Green (aside). I wonder if insanity runs in the squire's family. 
 I never heard of it, and I have known the family all my life, 
 but he acts so blame funny. (Aloud) Well squire, you see I 
 wanted you to get used to it. (Laughs) 
 
 Squire. Oh, you scamp. I tell you. Green, I am proud of 
 you, proud to call you my son. Say, old fellow if she never 
 kisses you again she did it enough then to last awhile. 
 
 Gb-een (aside) . What? Kissed me ! Why she never kissed me 
 in her life. I'm afraid I missed something. 
 
 Squire. She's up in her room getting ready, I tell you she is 
 making things fly up there. She'll be down here before you can 
 say scat, and when she comes don't hesitate. Grab her and make 
 a bee line for the parson's, and have the knot tied. I am going 
 into the house now, for I don't want her to see us talking to- 
 gether ; she might become a little suspicious, but you keep right on 
 and everything will turn out fine. (Laughs, starts to EXIT) 
 
 Green. Oh, you can count on me squire. (Aside) I know 
 what he says, but I'll be hanged if I know what he means. 
 
 Squire (coming back to Green). Oh, I say, Green, don't call 
 me papa, oh, you papa. [EXIT into house, laughing. 
 
 Green (looking after squire). Say that fellow ain't right; call 
 him papa, well I should say not. I wonder how long it will take 
 Nan. to get ready? Squire said that she was making things 
 hum up stairs. He must have made everything right. I wish she 
 would get down here, for I want to get this thing over. The thing 
 is going my v.'ay now, but you can't tell how long it will last. 
 I'll just step aside here and wait for her. (Steps aside r.) 
 
 ENTER N.\ncy from house, clothed in gray traveling dress, heavy 
 veil over her face. 
 
'JA A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Green. Ah ha, that's Nan., all right. 
 
 Nancy. He said he would be waiting for me. 
 
 Green {aside). I wonder if she means me, but of course she 
 does. 
 
 Nancy. I hope he won't desert me. (Squire puts his head out 
 of door and listens) 
 
 Green (running to Nancy), No, my dear, never that, when I 
 have longed for you all these years. (Aside) I wonder if that 
 sounds like Billy. 
 
 Nancy. Just as I have waited for you, dear. 
 
 Green. Your loving words fill me with joy. 
 
 Squire (aside). Hear him, hear him, why, he is a regular 
 Romeo. Nan. can't resist that, if he keeps it up she will be dead 
 in love with him. 
 
 Green. Come, my dear, and let us make all possible haste to 
 get away before your fathir comes, for he may yet change his 
 mind, Nancy. 
 
 Nancy (aside). He thinks Samuel is my father but that doesn't 
 make any difference. (Aloud) Yes, dear, we must hurry for he 
 may come at any moment and there is no telling what he may do. 
 
 Green (embracing Nancy). Do you know, dear, this is the 
 happiest day of my life. If your father could only see us now. 
 
 Squire (aside). It's a wonder he didn't say papa, if he had 
 I would have fallen out this door. 
 
 Nancy. Dearest, I cannot express in words how happy I am. 
 I know everything will be all right in the end, but of course you 
 know that true love never does run smooth. 
 
 Green. That is entirely true, my love, but keep up your courage 
 and all our troubles will soon be over. 
 
 [EXIT L. Nancy and Green, through gate. 
 
 Squire (coming down c). Now if that Green doesn't surprise 
 me. Why, he just went through that little love scene as if he had 
 practiced it for years, and got away with Nan. without a bit of 
 trouble. Oh, you lawn tennis player, just wait until you hear 
 how we have done you up. Why, Nan. ought to consider herself 
 lucky to get a man like Tom. I am going into the kitchen and 
 give orders for the biggest supper we have ever had. (Stops, 
 scratches his head) Come to think about it, the cook left this 
 morning. (Brightens up) Oh, well. Debs and I will get the 
 supper. I used to cook some in the army, so here goes. We're 
 going to have one of the swellest times in our lives. No expense is 
 to be spared. But I can't forget that rascal Green calling me 
 papa, papa, oh, you papa — wow — wow — wow — — 
 
 [EXIT into house, laughing. 
 
I 
 
 A Bachelor's Elopement oq 
 
 ENTER Nan. from around house c. 
 
 Nan. I am so sorry aunty went somewhere this afternoon 
 and wore that dress Billy wanted me to wear, so I had to wear 
 this one. I suppose Billy will be disappointed but I just cannot 
 help it. (Looks off l. Starts back) Why, who is that going 
 down the walk ! Why it's Billy with aunty ! What does he mean, 
 I can hardly believe my own eyes! (Looks again) But is it 
 Billy? Yes, it is he, and to think how I have trusted him. 
 I understand it all now, he never wanted me at all, it was aunty 
 he v»^anted and he just sent me in the house to get rid of me. 
 Oh, oh,, oh, I can't stand it, my heart is broken, I know I shall 
 never get over this for my heart is broken. 
 
 [EXIT into house, crying. 
 
 ENTER Billy at c. gate, from r. 
 
 Billy. I wonder if Nan. is ready ! (Looks off l. Starts back) 
 Why, there she goes. What does it mean? Can it be possible 
 that Nan. is not true to me? Yes, it is true, it is she, for she 
 has on that very dress I told her to wear. Nan., Nan., fair but 
 false, with your kisses still warm on my lips, to be compelled to 
 see you turn me down for another. I suppose it's that old 
 bachelor her father wanted her to marry, and they have persuaded 
 her to do it. Curse my luck anyhow. Why didn't I take her when 
 I had her. I will kill him and get her yet. [EXIT R. 
 
 ENTER Squire from house. 
 
 Squire. I wonder how things are progressing. (Looks off l.) 
 Ah, there they go, the dream of my life is soon to be realized. 
 When Nan. is married to Green and his millions, when I get 
 the chance to tell Billy Nash she is married, my revenge will be 
 complete. Oh, you lawn tennis player. [EXIT into house. 
 
 ENTER Debs r. with puppy in a go-cart, crosses stage, and 
 EXITS L. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
36 
 
 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 Scene. Same as Act I. Evening the same day. 
 
 ENTER Squire d. c, rubbing his hands. 
 
 Squire (laughing). Well, well, everything is going just fine, 
 I have everything in the kitchen ' working, and we will have a 
 supper fit for a king. (Looks at zvatch) They will be here now 
 in a few minutes, I suppose Nan. will be a little huffy at first 
 but I'll soon induce her to see where she has done right by marry- 
 ing Green. I wonder where Debs— Debs — oh— Debs, where are 
 you, you rascal. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, yes sir, I am here, sir. 
 
 Squire. Well you seemed a long time about coming, did you 
 give puppy his bath yet? 
 
 Debs. Oh yes sir, I gave him six to-day. (Aside) Oh, Lord, 
 the old squire has the pup craze too. 
 
 Squire. That's all right Debs, that's all right my boy, give him 
 two more if you think he needs them. You see, Debs, we must 
 take good care of puppy while Nan. is away. 
 
 Debs (in surprise). While Nan. is away! 
 
 Squire. Why yes, but I forgot you didn't know, but she will 
 be back right away. 
 
 Debs. Nan. ain't away, sir! 
 
 Squire. Oh, yes she is Debs, that is why I am so anxious 
 about puppy you see. 
 
 Debs. Why, sir, I was talking to her just now. 
 
 Squire. Now Debs, don't try to tell me Nan. is here when I 
 know what I am talking about. I tell you she is not here. 
 You see it is a little secret. You'll be surprised when you hear 
 what it is, no — no — my boy you were not talking to Nan., that is 
 impossible, for Nan. isn't here. 
 
 Debs. But I tell you I was talking to her, sir. 
 
 Squire (sternly). Now look here. Debs, I don't want any of 
 your sass, for I know positively you were not, so that settles it. 
 I reckon I know what I am talking about, don't I? And I'm not 
 going to be sassed by a young scamp like you. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement ^7 
 
 Debs. Have it your way, squire. (Aside) There's something 
 wrong with him. 
 
 Squire. Say, Debs, I don't mind telHng you the secret. You 
 see Nan. is away getting married. She will be Mrs. Thomas 
 Green when she returns. 
 
 Debs (starts). Sir! What are you saying? 
 
 Squire. It's a fact, my boy. It's a fact. I knew it would 
 surprise you, but it's all right. It was the proper thing for her 
 to do. 
 
 Debs. Yes sir, it's all right if you say so. (Aside) I know 
 he's got 'em now. 
 
 Squire. And we are going to have a big blow-out to-night. 
 
 Debs (tapping his own head. Aside). There must be some- 
 thing wrong up here. 
 
 Squire. I am going to show that lawn tennis player that there 
 are other games I can play besides lawn tennis, and beat him to a 
 frazzle. 
 
 Debs. You are all right, squire, and if there is anything I 
 can do to help you just let me know. (Aside) I'm afraid it's a 
 bad case, poor old squire, he must be lawn tennis crazy. 
 
 Squire. Sure,^ there is something you can do right now. Help 
 me to arrange it so we can get that Billy Nash in here when Nan. 
 and Green come back. I want to see his face when I tell him she 
 is married to Green. Oh, you lawn tennis player. 
 
 Debs. Say squire, don't you think you ought to have some- 
 thing to quiet your nerves? 
 
 Squire (looking at Debs in surprise). Something to quiet my 
 nerves. What's the matter with you, my nerves are all right. I 
 am just a little excited over the way things are going, every- 
 thing going my way. (Hits Debs on the back, Debs jumps) Don't 
 you see, my boy, don't you see, why I am so overjoyed, there is 
 nothing the matter with me at all, nothing at all. 
 
 Debs. Oh yes, squire, I see. (Aside) There is something the 
 matter with him, he shows it. 
 
 Squire. I'm afraid there is something wrong with you, Debs, 
 you look scared. Has anything happened to you lately? 
 
 Debs. It's not me, sir, it's you. 
 
 Squire (in surprise). Me, me? Why, I never felt better in my 
 life. Why, I just feel like a yearling colt. (Does a little dance) 
 
 Debs (aside, frightened). I believe I had better get out 
 of here, you can never tell what a crazy man is going to do. 
 (Aloud) Why, sir, I believe I hear puppy crying for me. 
 
 Squire. Go to him. Debs, go to him by all means, may be he 
 wants a bath, my boy, take him for a walk, take him for a ride. 
 
^g A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 buy him an ice cream cone, do anything for him, but above 
 everything take good care of him till Nan. gets back, now don't 
 forget. Debs. 
 
 Debs. I'll remember sir. (Aside) Gee, he's gettin' worse! 
 
 [EXIT D. c. 
 
 Squire. I suppose Nan. will make things hum around here for 
 a while when she first finds out how we have fooled her, but she 
 will soon learn it was for the best. She will see where her old 
 dad did her a good turn. Of course she can't see it right at first, 
 she is so wrapped up in that Billy Nash, the young scamp. Why, 
 he never could have made a living for her by playing lawn 
 tennis, whereas Tom has all kinds of money, and will make her' 
 a good husband. What if he is a little old, that doesn't matter. 
 I disliked to go to the measures I did to accomplish this marriage, 
 but it was the only way I knew, and it was worth all the trouble 
 it took to get even with that Billy Nash. I guess I had better 
 get busy down in the kitchen, for Nan. and Tom. will soon be 
 here. I must find some way to get that lawn tennis player 
 here, too. Oh, you Billy my time is coming. [EXIT laughing d. c. 
 
 ENTER Nan. d. l. 
 
 Nan. I wonder what they are making such a fuss down in the 
 kitchen for. If I didn't feel so badly I would go down and see, 
 but I suppose it's on account of aunty's wedding. Oh, Billy, I 
 never dreamed you would treat me the way you have, I never 
 dreamed that you could be so false, but now it is all over and I 
 hope you will be happy. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. 
 
 Debs. Squire — squire — I say squire. (Sees Nan. Starts) Oh, 
 I thought your father was in here. 
 
 Nan. What do you want with papa. Debs? 
 
 Debs. You see I wanted to tell him that puppy had gone to 
 sleep. 
 
 Nan. Is that all? 
 
 Debs. That is all I'm supposed to know just now, but I will 
 tell you the truth, if you will forgive me. 
 
 Nan. Why, what is the matter with you. Debs, what do you 
 mean? 
 
 Debs. Well — er — you see I just wanted to know if your father 
 was here or not, I have a note for you and I don't want him to 
 know it. 
 
 Nan. a note for me? 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 29 
 
 Debs, Yes, Miss Nan., but is it really you I am talking to? 
 
 Nan. Why, of course it is, Debs. What is the matter with you 
 anyhow ? 
 
 Debs. Well, you see Miss Nan., your father told me you had 
 gone away. Don't you think your father is a little — er — er — well 
 do you think there is anything wrong with him? 
 
 Nan. {impatiently). Oh, I don't know Debs, still I can't see why 
 he said that I had gone away. You must have misunderstood him, 
 Debs. But what about that note? 
 
 Debs. Gee, I very near forgot that, you see there is a young 
 fellow down at the gate who said he would give me a dollar if I 
 would take this note to you. I told him I would take it to you all 
 right. (Hands note to Nan.) 
 
 Nan. (takes note and opens it. Starts). Why, it's from Billy. 
 
 Debs. Billy? Is he the fellow that plays lawn tennis? 
 
 Nan. (impatiently). Oh, I don't know. 
 
 Debs. I just wanted to find out, I thought may be I could get 
 him to play your father, he has the lawn tennis craze so badly. 
 
 Nan. (reading letter). He says he is going away and wants to 
 see me before he goes. I suppose he and aunty are going on their 
 honey-moon. Oh, I could pull her hair all out. 
 
 Debs. That wouldn't be much of a job. 
 
 Nan. If I only had that dress, I would tear it to pieces. She 
 would never have the pleasure of wearing it again. 
 
 Debs. Make puppy a dress out of it. Ma used to cut pa's pants 
 down for me. 
 
 Nan. Oh, what shall I do, what shall I do? To think he 
 should treat me in this shameful way, oh Billy, Billy. 
 
 Debs. Oh, she's got 'em to ! There's something the matter with 
 this whole dam family. 
 
 Nan. Debs what shall I do, he wants to come and see me? 
 
 Debs. Well, why don't you let him come. He's a fine looking 
 chap all right. 
 
 Nan. But, Debs, he's married. 
 
 Debs. The devil he is ! 
 
 Nan. (sadly). Yes, he's married to aunty. 
 
 Debs (whistles). Married to aunty, poor fellow! Say Miss 
 Nan., let him come. 
 
 Nan. (angrily). The brute, how dare he ask to see me, after 
 what he has done. How can he have the courage to come here 
 and face me. I don't understand him, but I will let him come and 
 I will make it lively enough for him while he is here. He will 
 wish he had stayed away when I get through with him. You may 
 bring him up here, Debs. 
 
40 
 
 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Debs. All right, Miss Nan. I'll bring him up all right, for I 
 want that dollar. (Aside) Huh, the pot opened this morning 
 with a dollar, and I got twenty, may be this will mean another 
 twenty. [EXIT d. c. 
 
 Nan. I wonder what he will say to me, what excuse will he 
 make for treating me the way he has ; but why does he wish to see 
 me? Oh, how can I stand it. The knowledge that he is married 
 to another breaks my heart. How he used to take me in his arms 
 and tell me he loved me ; and then go and marry another. I can't 
 understand it. Oh Billy, Billy, my heart is broken. (Sits on sofa 
 and covers her face with her hands) 
 
 ENTER Debs with Billy d. c. 
 
 Billy (gives Debs money). Here you are. Debs. 
 
 Debs (taking money). Thank you, thank you, you're all right. 
 Just let me know when you need me again. [EXIT D. c. 
 
 Billy (aside). There she is as beautiful as ever. Oh, Nan., 
 'Nan., how could you ever do it, how could you turn me down 
 like this and marry that old guy? Money would never tempt me 
 to give you up. (Goes to Nan.) Nan. 
 
 Nan. (rising). Miss Evans please. 
 
 Billy. No, you are not that now. Oh, if you only were. 
 
 Nan. What do you mean, sir? 
 
 Billy. Need you ask? 
 
 Nan. Oh, I understand. You are sorry for what you have done 
 and it is right you should be. 
 
 Billy (in surprise). Sorry for what I have done? 
 
 Nan. Yes, what have you to say for yourself? What excuse 
 can you make after telling me you loved me and you could not 
 live without me, and then go and act the way you have. (Starts 
 to cry) 
 
 Billy (aside). Now what do you think of that. (Aloud) 
 Why, my dear girl, you are mistaken. It was yourself who did 
 it. Didn't I get the carriage and come back just in time to see 
 you going away with another man. I presume it was that old 
 bachelor. 
 
 Nan. (stamps her foot). How dare you accuse me of any- 
 thing like that? You know very well that you ran away and 
 married aunty. Where is aunty? Why did you not bring her 
 with you? 
 
 Billy (staggers back, falls in chair). Ye Gods, married 
 aunty, now what do you think of that ! Nan's got them too. 
 
 Nan. It's no use for you to try to deny it either, for I saw 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement 4I 
 
 you getting in the carriage together. And you are trying to tell 
 me that you got the carriage for me, when you know it was 
 for aunty. It was aunty you wanted all the time. Oh, what a 
 fool I was to listen to you. 
 
 Billy. Nan., I knew there was something wrong with your 
 father and aunt, but I did think you were all right. Still, how 
 could you go and marry that old fool, a man old enough to be 
 your grandfather, just because your father wanted you to. 
 
 Nan. Billy Nash, are you crazy? 
 
 Billy. No, I don't think I am, but I will be if I stay here 
 long enough. 
 
 Nan. I think you are. now. Poor aunty, I feel sorry for her 
 after all, married to a lunatic. 
 
 Billy (aside). That's just the way with all crazy people, 
 they think everybody is crazy but themselves. Green has my 
 sympathy after all. (Aloud) Thank you very much for the 
 compliment you just paid me. 
 
 Nan. Well, Mr. Nash, I hope you and aunty will be happy 
 together. She's a capable housekeeper, she has kept house for 
 papa for about forty years. 
 
 Billy. I don't doubt that, but I see that I am a very poor 
 judge of ages, why I took you to be only about 
 
 Nan. (rather flustered). Oh — er — I mean she has kept house 
 for papa ever since I was born, but I think she will make you a 
 good mother, and I think you need some one to look after you. 
 
 Billy. Thank you, and I think Green will make a splendid 
 papa, he has such a fine head of hair. 
 
 Nan. (hits Billy on the arm). Don't aggravate me so, 
 haven't you ' done enough already ? 
 
 Billy (brushing off coat sleeve with hand). Now I want you 
 to cut that out, you might muss up my coat. 
 
 Nan. (weeping). I wish you would stop your continual 
 harping on Mr. Green, can't you see you have made me 
 miserable enough. 
 
 Billy. I am sorry Nan., er — I mean Mrs. Green, I meant no 
 disrespect to your husband. 
 
 Nan. (stamps her foot, picks up book from stand). Stop, 
 Billy Nash, or I will throw this book at you. 
 
 Billy. Very well — then I'll not say any more, not that I am 
 afraid you will hit me, but you might break something over in 
 the other corner. 
 
 Nan, (seated on sofa). Oh, this is too much, it is more than 
 I can bear. After proving himself false by marrying aunty, he 
 tries to say that I am married to that bald headed old Green. 
 
A2 A Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Oh, this is too much, I can't stay here and listen to his taunting 
 insults. (Rising, to Billy) Uncle Billy I am tired of your 
 nonsense, I congratulate you on your marriage with aunty, and 
 wish you good evening. [EXIT d. l. 
 
 Billy (starts). Ye Gods, Uncle Billy, say that's the limit, 
 that's too much, I must get away from here or I will be crazy 
 myself. I believe my brain is turning now. Uncle Billy — Uncle 
 Billy [EXIT D. c. 
 
 ENTER Squire d. r. with large kettle under arm. 
 
 Squire. Well, I've supper about ready. I tell you there are 
 not many who can cook like me. That supper is going to be a 
 dandy even if I did forget to singe the chicken and let the 
 potatoes burn. I forgot to put the milk in the cellar this 
 morning and it soured, but that won't make any difference, they 
 won't notice it. I let Debs make the salad, he said he knew how. 
 I don't believe him but I let him do it anyhow. (Moistens his 
 thumb and then scratches bottom of kettle with it and then 
 wipes it out with his handkerchief) That was the dirtiest cook 
 we had, I'm glad she left, may be we will get a clean bite now. 
 
 ENTER Billy d. c. 
 
 Billy (hesitating. Aside). I wonder if it will be safe for 
 me to go in! (Squire looks up, sees Billy, lets kettle fall) 
 Why, here's papa. 
 
 Squire (delighted). Yes, it's papa, oh, you scamp. (Billy 
 and Squire link arms and pace stage saying papa. Both come 
 UP c. and stop. Squire out of breath) Oh, you papa! 
 
 Billy (aside). He has another spell. 
 
 Squire (shakes hands ivith Billy). Oh, you got back. 
 
 Billy. Oh, yes, I got back all right. 
 
 Squire. I didn't expect you quite so soon, but where is Nan.? 
 
 Billy, She has gone to her room I think. 
 
 Squire. Does she know anything yet? 
 
 Billy. From the way she acts I don't think she does. 
 (Aside) He must know himself they are crazy. 
 
 Squire. Well now, that's all right, my boy, that's all right. 
 You did just fine, why, I couldn't have done better myself. 
 
 Billy. Thank you, squire. (Aside) There he goes again. 
 
 Squire. Why, my boy, if I didn't know the difference I 
 would swear you were that Billy Nash, you just look like him 
 to a T. 
 
 Billy. Do you think so, squire? (Aside) Who in the devil 
 am I? I'd like to know. 
 
A Bachelor's Klopement a^ 
 
 Squire. Come sit down, old man, and tell me all about it. 
 
 Billy. About what? 
 
 Squire. Why, about the wedding. 
 
 Billy. Oh, yes, I forget but to tell the truth I don't know 
 very much. 
 
 Squire (angrily). What! 
 
 Billy, Well, you see I was so excited that I don't know 
 very much about it. 
 
 Squire. Brace up, old man, brace up, it's all over now. 
 
 Billy. Yes, I know it's all over. (Sadly) 
 
 Squire (slapping Billy o?i the back). Married at last to 
 Miss Nancy Evans. How does that sound to you? (Laughs 
 heartily) How does it strike you? 
 
 Billy. It sounds all right. (Aside) I don't like crazy people, 
 I wish I was out of here. 
 
 Squire (patting Billy on the head). Good head, my boy, 
 good head. 
 
 Billy (aside). He's taken a fancy to my head. I'll begin to 
 believe I am married to that old maid if I don't get out of 
 here. 
 
 Squire. I wish' that young scamp would happen along now. 
 I would give ten dollars to have the pleasure of telling him 
 you are married. 
 
 Billy (aside). I'd like to have the ten, but it might cost me 
 more than that if I tell him who I am. ■ 
 
 Squire. Well now, old man, you might as well take off your 
 disguise. But I must say it's the work, your face is made up 
 perfectly. 
 
 Billy (feels his face. Aside). I wonder what is the matter 
 with my face now. 
 
 Squire. And that wig, where did you get it? 
 
 Billy. Wig. (Aside) I wish I was out of here. 
 
 Squire. Say, old man, I want that wig. I want to keep it. 
 
 Billy (aside). Want my wig! I wonder if he is going to 
 scalp me ? 
 
 Squire. Nancy's all right, old man, she's worth all the 
 trouble you took to get her. 
 
 Billy. Gee, I'm getting light headed, I wonder if I've got the 
 nightmare, it seems real enough though. 
 
 Squire. I want you to be good to her, my boy, she might 
 be a little frisky at first but she will get over that. 
 
 Billy. Oh yes, squire, I think everything will be all right. 
 (Aside) I wonder if he thinks he has sold me a horse. 
 
 Squire. That's right, old man, everything will be all right in 
 
A A A Bachelor's Elopement . 
 
 the end. There was another thing I was just thinking about, 
 you might learn to play lawn tennis. {Punches Billy in the 
 side, laughs) 
 
 Billy. Yes, oh yes, I'll do that all right, papa. 
 
 Squire (falls back on sofa. Laughs). Wow — wow — wow — 
 papa — papa — papa. 
 
 Billy (laughing. Aside). The squire must like to hear that. 
 
 Squire. Don't say that when that young scamp is in here, 
 if you do I can't see his face when I tell him you're married. 
 
 Billy. All right papa, I'll try not. 
 
 Squire (laughing). Oh, oh, don't say that any more, you old 
 rascal. 
 
 Billy (aside). I wonder how long this is going to last. 
 
 Squire. But why don't you take off your disguise, old man, 
 you don't need it now, and I want to see you as yourself again. 
 
 Billy. My goodness, he takes these spells often. 
 
 Squire. Take that wig off I say for I want it. It belongs to 
 me. (Grabs Billy's hair and pulls) 
 
 Billy (trying to get away). Here — here — let go, you're 
 taking the top of my head off. 
 
 Squire. I don't want the top of your head I want that wig. 
 (Pulls again) 
 
 Billy (hollers, holds head). Help — help. (Squire lets go. 
 Aside) I think I'll be needing a wig pretty soon. 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. 
 
 Squire. Here Debs, you are just in time, take hold of Green 
 there and pull, I want to get that wig off his head. 
 Debs (grabs Billy). All right, squire, I am your man. 
 Squire (grabs Billy's hair). Hold fast, Debs, it's loosening. 
 Billy. Stop that, you fools, I believe it is, let loose I say. 
 
 ENTER Nan. d. c. 
 
 Nan. (in surprise). Why papa, what are you doing? What 
 is the matter? 
 
 Squire. Why, I am trying to get this wig off. 
 
 Nan. Papa, Billy doesn't wear a wig. 
 
 Squire (aside, laughing). Now what do you think of that, 
 she doesn't know the difference yet. (To Billy) Say Green, 
 take that wig off and let her know who you are. Don't keep 
 her thinking it is Billy, take it off and let her know the truth. 
 (Turns to Nan.) You see, my dear we are going to tell you 
 the truth about it. 
 
A Bachelor's Elopement ac 
 
 Nan. (surprised). The truth! 
 
 Squire. Now don't get excited my dear, it is all for the best ; 
 you will see that after a little while. 
 
 Billy (to Nan.). I told you your father wasn't right. 
 
 Squire. You see, my dear, Green will make you a good 
 husband. 
 
 Nan. (in surprise). Good husband! 
 
 Billy. Now what have you got to say, thought I didn't know 
 about it, didn't you? 
 
 Nan. (aside). Oh, dear, have they all lost their minds. 
 
 Squire. My dear, calm yourself. He will make you happy. 
 That young scamp who plays lawn tennis wasn't good enough 
 for you. 
 
 Billy (aside). It seems as if the old squire doesn't like me. 
 
 Nan. (aside). Oh, what can be the matter with papa anyhow. 
 
 Squire (to Billy). Why don't you take her in your arms 
 and kiss her? you are no lover at all, you need not mind me, 
 I'll turn my back to the wall. (Billy and Nan. stai't, and look 
 at each other) 
 
 Billy (to Nan.). Don't you think you ought to get some- 
 one to take care of your father? 
 
 Squire (to Nan.). Now Nan., my dear, I want you to kiss 
 Mr. Green. 
 
 Nan. (angrily). Kiss him! Oh, papa, are you mad? 
 
 Billy. I know I'm green but I don't like to have it thrown 
 in my face. 
 
 Squire (to Billy). Go and kiss her, take her in your arms. 
 Nan. was always backward, you know how women are any- 
 how. Just do what I tell you it will be all right with her, all 
 she wants is to have you show a little nerve, go ahead and kiss 
 her. 
 
 Billy (aside). Oh, how I wish I could. 
 
 Squire. Why, you are losing your courage old man, come take 
 that wig off, and tell her the truth. I'll take it off then. 
 (Grabs Billy's hair and begins pulling) 
 
 Nan. (screams and tries to pull Squire away). .Oh, papa — 
 papa — don't. 
 
 ENTER Green and Nancy d. c. 
 
 Green (coming up c. with Nancy on his arm). Ah, ha, con- 
 gratulate us, my dear papa, we are married at last. (Takes off 
 wig. Nan., Billy and Squire staft and look at each other in 
 surprise) 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. 
 
46 -^ Bachelor's Elopement 
 
 Debs. Be sure and look at his face, squire. [EXIT D. L. 
 
 Squire. Great Heavens man, what does this mean? 
 
 Green (looks at Nan.). Oh, Lord, who in the devil have I 
 married ? 
 
 Nancy (throwing off veil). Why, Miss Nancy Evans. 
 
 Squire. Wow — wow — wow — my sister Nancy. (Green and 
 Squire fall into each other's arms. Nancy sits on chair) 
 
 Billy, Oh Nan., I see it all now. They have been caught in 
 their own trap. 
 
 Nan. And it wasn't you Billy that married aunty? 
 
 Billy. I should say not, or you that married Green. (Billy 
 and Nan. embrace) 
 
 Nancy (takes a long breath). Ah, well, I might have done 
 
 ENTER Debs d. c. with two tennis rackets, gives one to Green 
 and one to Squire. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
NEW PLAYS 
 
 ROYAL CINCH^ a. 2S cents. A farce comedy in 3 acts, by Frank 
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 HOOSIER SCHOOL, The* is cents, a farcical sketch in i act, by 
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 SCRUBTOWN SEWING CIRCLE'S THANKSGIVING, The. 
 
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 DOLLY'S DOUBLE* l S cents, a musical vaudeville sketch in i act, 
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 JOHN'S EMMY, l S cents. A vaudeville sketch in one act, by Charles 
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 TOM COBB ; or Fortune's Toy. 1 5 cents. Farcical comedy in 3 
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 DELEGATES FROM DENVER, The. 2s cents, a farcical 
 
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 RAINBOW KIMON A, The. 2S cents. A cemedy for girls in 2 acts, 
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NEW PLAYS 
 
 IRISH EDEN, An. 25 cents. An Irish comedy drama in 3 acts, by 
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 UNCLE SrS PREDICAMENT. 25 cents, a drama in 3 acts, by 
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 GYPSY, The* 25 cents, a drama in 3 acts, by Anthony E. Wtlls. 7 
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 FROZEN TRAIL, The. 25 cents, a drama in 4 acts, by George 
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 TOO MANY HUSBANDS. 25 cents, a farce in 2 acts by Anthony 
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 UPSETTING OF JABEZ STRONG, The. 25 cents, a comedy 
 
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 FIGHT AGAINST FATE, A. 25 cents, a drama in 4 acts, by 
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 MILITARY PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 M. 
 
 BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours lO 
 
 EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 214 hours [ lo 
 
 PRISON"ER OF ANDERSON VILI^E. 4 Acts; 214 hours.. 10 
 
 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1}4 hours 9 
 
 ISABEL, THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 
 
 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 
 
 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 
 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 
 
 RURAL PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 
 
 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours 8 
 
 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 
 
 GREAT ^VINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 
 
 SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 214 hours 5 
 
 WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Act8;2hour8 4 
 
 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 
 
 LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 
 
 ENTERTAINMENTS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 
 
 BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 
 
 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 
 
 .JAPANESE IVEODING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 
 
 MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 
 
 OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; li.' hours 4 4 
 
 YE VILLAGE SKEAVL OF LONG AGv\ 1 Scene. 13 12 
 
 FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 
 
 JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 
 
 CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 
 
 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 
 
 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; li^ hours 1 13 
 
 OVER THE GARDEN ^VALL. (15 cents) 11 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 
 
fl 1( 
 
 LIBRftRY OF ^^^^^^^ 
 
 comed.es and illlll. 
 
 25 CENTS EACl " »»« «" "" ' 
 
 M. p. 
 
 BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours 6 3 
 
 BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 11 6 
 
 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 
 
 COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 4 
 
 DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 8 6 
 
 DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 
 
 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Act8;2hours 6 5 
 
 EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 
 
 ESCAPED FROM THE LATV. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 
 
 GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 3 
 
 GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours 5 3 
 
 IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 4 6 
 
 JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 3 
 
 .JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 
 
 MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2V^ hours 9 6 
 
 MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 13 4 
 
 NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2hours 5 4 
 
 PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 
 
 REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 
 
 ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts; 2 hours 5 3 
 
 SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 4 
 
 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 
 
 WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^ hours 7 4 
 
 WHITE LIE. 4Act8; 2^hours 4 3 
 
 WESTERN PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 ROCKY FORD. 4Act8;2hours 8 
 
 GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 11 
 
 RED ROSETTE. SActs; 2 hours 6 
 
 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 21^ hours... 5 
 
 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 
 
 CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 214 hours. 9 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y