No ^lajjs Sxchanged^ 
 
 1643 ^ ^ 
 
 105 
 1920 
 
 Copy 1 
 
 NXi^i-i^ 
 
 i,-^iw5>-a: 
 
 O'KEEFE'S CIRCUIT 
 
 Price, 35 Cents 
 
 WALTER HBAKER ^CO 
 BOSTON 
 
^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 Recent Plays That Have ** Gone Over the Top '' 
 
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 The Adventures of Qrandpa 
 
 The Air Spy 
 
 The American Flag 
 
 Captain Cranberry 
 
 The College Chap 
 
 The Colonel's Maid 
 
 The Country Doctor 
 
 Country Folks 
 
 A Couple of Million 
 
 Cranberry Corners 
 
 Daddy 
 
 The Deacon's Second Wife 
 
 The District Attorney 
 
 The Dutch Detective 
 
 An Easy Mark 
 
 Elizabeth's Young Mao 
 
 The Elopement of Ellen 
 
 Engaged by Wednesday 
 
 Freddy Qoes to College 
 
 A Full House 
 
 The Girl From Upper Seven 
 
 Grandma Qibbs of the Red Cross 
 
 floneymoon Flats 
 
 The Hoodoo 
 
 The Hurdy Gurdy Girl 
 
 Johnny's New Suit 
 
 lUca) and Long Distance 
 
 Lest — A Chaperon 
 
 Tt i^ovlngCup 
 
 f r.<; Man Who Went 
 
 Mrs. Brlggs of the Poultry Yard 
 
 Much Ado About Betty 
 
 No Trespassing 
 
 Our Wives 
 
 Pa's New Housekeeper 
 
 Professor Pepp 
 
 The Rebellion of Mrs. Barclay 
 
 A Regiment of Two 
 
 Sally Lunn 
 
 The Slacker 
 
 Step Lively 
 
 The Submarine Shell 
 
 Teddy, or The Runaways 
 
 The Time of His Life 
 
 The Troubling of Bethesda Pool 
 
 Valley Farm 
 
 The Village School Ma'am 
 
 WlUowdale 
 
 For " special " royalties, see catalogue descriptions for 
 detailed information. _ 
 
 BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass* 
 
 J 
 
O'Keefe's Circuit 
 
 An Entertainment in One Scene 
 
 By 
 
 CAROLYN DRAPER GILPATRIC 
 
 Author of "Patty Makes Things Hum," etc. 
 
 NOTE 
 
 The professional rights in this play are strictly reserved and 
 application for the right to produce it should be made to the 
 author in care of the publishers. Amateurs may produce it with- 
 out payment of royalty on condition that the name of the author 
 appears on all programmes and advertising issued in connection 
 with such performances. 
 
 BOSTON 
 
 WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
 1920 
 
O'Keefe's Circuit '^^^^^'V" 
 
 
 The scene is a booking-office for talent to be sent out for all 
 sorts of entertainments. To this office different artists (real and 
 burlesque) come, to show what they can do before they are placed 
 upon the books. The various' acts may be changed according to 
 local talent, and many opportunities for local hits are presented in 
 this arrangement. 
 
 THE OFFICE FORCE 
 
 Mr. O'Keefe . . . a pompous, showily-dressed man. 
 
 Maggie Hennessy .... the stylish stenographer. 
 Bill ......... the office boy. 
 
 NOTE : — As O' Keefe is seated at his desk practically 
 all the time, his part maybe read, if preferred. 
 
 PART I 
 
 MosE and Charley (^<7/(?^^rf) song and dance ... 2 males 
 
 Minnehaha, an Indian dancer i female 
 
 Spirituella, a fake spiritualistic medium l female 
 
 An Old-Fashioned Girl, singing old-fashioned songs . i female 
 
 During the intermission old songs may be sung 
 by the audience. 
 
 PART II 
 
 1 2 rnslcs 
 Deacon Small and his wife and Ruth Sandy-Knee • \ female 
 
 A Reading or Monologue 1 female 
 
 Carmencita, who sings in Spanish costume .... i female 
 The Hippity-Hop Twins, man and girl in song and) 1 male 
 
 > ^ dance j i female 
 
 The Blow Brothers, a colored orchestra ^burlesque) . 6 or 8 males 
 
 Copyright, 1920, by Carolyn Draper Git.patric 
 
 Fret, for amateur petfortnance. Professional 
 
 stage-rights reserved. 
 
 'Q^ld 55286 
 
 AW I6f920 
 
O'Keefe's Circuit 
 
 PARTI 
 
 SCENE. — Office setting with big desk littered with 
 papers and a telephone on it; right of stage, small 
 table with typewriter; left of stage, two or three plain 
 chairs. 
 
 (O'Keefe, a showily-dressed man, is seated at desk 
 writing; Maggie, dressed ultra-fashionably, is typing 
 loudly, chewing gum vigorously. Bill, a lazy, 
 comedy character with bright red wig and red socks, 
 is lounging against exit l., reading a newspaper. 
 O'Keefe looks up from his writing, scowls at Bill 
 and bangs his fist on the table. Bill jumps, almost 
 tumbles over, and Maggie looks up languidly, keep- 
 ing on with her typewriting.) 
 
 O 'Keefe. Here, boy ! What in thunder are you do- 
 ing to earn your six a week, I'd like to know? All you 
 do is to read the sporting news. 
 
 Bill. Oh, no, I'm reading "Hints to Young 
 Mothers." 
 
 O'Keefe. I'll mother you, you lazy good-for-nothing ! 
 Put that paper down ! 
 
 Bill (goes to desk). Have a heart, Boss, the Red Sox 
 plays to-day. (Pulls up trousers, shows red socks.) 
 
 O'Keefe. You impudent young puppy ! 
 
 Bill. Have a heart, Boss — lemme off this after? 
 
 O'Keefe. Let you off this afternoon? No! 
 
 Bill. My grandmother 
 
 O'Keefe. You've lost two grandmothers and three 
 aunts since the series began. 
 
 3 
 
4 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 Bill. But honest, Boss 
 
 O'Keefe. Sure, I'm an honest boss, but there's noth- 
 ing doing to-day. (Turns to papers on desk, picks up 
 envelope.) Here — take this out and mail it. That 
 blamed old (insert organisation which presents this 
 sketch — church or club) in (place of production) had 
 some talent out there three months ago, and they haven't 
 paid for it yet. (Hands envelope to boy.) They needn't 
 think they can get by with it. 
 
 Maggie. I got a friend in (place of production) she 
 says (local) people are something fierce about paying 
 their debts. She had a bet on with (local hit) about 
 (something of local interest) and believe me, that guy 
 hasn't paid up yet. 
 
 (Returns to typewriter, chewing wildly.) 
 
 O'Keefe (looks at Maggie; scowls). Miss Hennessy, 
 will you take that spearmint out of your mouth? 
 
 Maggie. Why should you object to an innocent rec- 
 reation like that, Mr. O'Keefe? 
 
 O'Keefe. Innocent recreation ! Here you are chew- 
 ing away like a cow 
 
 Maggie (rising haughtily). Mr. O'Keefe, you insult 
 me! Why, every one chews gum now. Dr. (local 
 dentist) told me to chew gum when I went to him a year 
 ago to have my teeth cleaned. He said all the dentists 
 advised chewing gum ; it saves brushing your teeth, and 
 believe me, with tooth brushes so high 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, I don't care what Dr. (local) says, 
 you cut it out in here. 
 
 Maggie. I refuse to be insulted by you. 
 
 O'Keefe. Sit down ! (Bangs fist on table. Maggie 
 sits hastily. Bill sits suddenly on floor, his mouth wide 
 open; then rises awkwardly and goes to l. exit.) Now 
 look here, Miss Hennessy, this is a high class booking 
 office for the best talent going, and I'm not going to have 
 any classy people like Mrs. (local) and Mrs. (local) com- 
 ing in here to hire talent for their women's clubs 
 
 Bill. Rolling-pins, did you say? 
 
 O'Keefe. Get out! (Bill ducks out l. exit, then 
 
o'keefe's circuit 5 
 
 comes in slyly; stands watching O'Keefe and Maggie.) 
 Well, I'm not going to have such high-toned ladies as that 
 running into any gum-chewing stenographer of mine. Do 
 you get me ? 
 
 Maggie. Yes, I get you, Mr. O'Keefe. If you think 
 I spoil the classy tone of your office {looks around stage 
 sneeringly), you better go look for some one else, 
 
 O'Keefe. There's no need of getting huffy about it, 
 Miss Hennessy. 
 
 Maggie. I don't care, — my friend in {place of produc- 
 tion) says all the ladies in the {church society) chew 
 gum — she's seen 'em. 
 
 O'Keefe. That's all right — I got nothing to say about 
 that, but in here I'm boss, and I put my foot down 
 {stamps foot; Maggie and Bill jump) on chewing gum. 
 Is that perfectly clear? 
 
 Maggie. It is, Mr. O'Keefe. {Returns to typewriter^ 
 takes gum out of mouth, sticks it on table edge huffily.) 
 P'raps Miss {very thin girl) will take my place; I heard 
 her tellin' {local hit) she was lookin' for a job. 
 
 O'Keefe. Very well, I'll try her out. 
 
 Maggie. There's no need of tryin* her out, Mr. 
 O'Keefe, she ain't fat. 
 
 O'Keefe. Humph ! That'll do for you. Miss Hen- 
 nessy. 
 
 Maggie (o thought comes to her; she looks down at 
 her waist). Gee ! I 'd better not be so flip about throwin' 
 up my job. There's this waist ain't all paid for yet, an' I 
 give away my old one to Saidie, and these shoes, an' 
 leather goin' up all the time. Gee — I'd better go slow. 
 {She changes tone; speaks sweetly to O'Keefe.) Ex- 
 cuse me, Mr. O'Keefe — I was only tryin' to be funny. 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, you needn't try, Miss Hennessy; I'm 
 paying you to run that there machine, not to crack jokes. 
 
 Bill. Ha ! ha ! That's one on you, Maggie. Ha ! ha ! 
 
 O'Keefe. What in thunder is the matter with you? 
 Haven't you gone yet? Get out and mail that letter. 
 {Exit Bill hastily.) If I depended upon that cub to 
 mail my bills they'd all be outlawed before he got them 
 in the box. 
 
 Maggie. Ain't it fierce, Mr. O'Keefe? That kid 
 
6 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 ain't got no sense of responsibility. Now with me, my 
 employer's interests always come first. 
 
 (Types away self-righteously.) 
 
 O'Keefe {stares at Maggie). Huh! {Telephone 
 rings. O'Keefe answers 'phone.) Hello. Yes, this is 
 O'iCeefe's circuit. Yes. Sure, we can suit you. We've 
 got the best talent going, — yes, anything from a Cabaret 
 to a Ladies' Missionary meeting. Sure, we try 'em all 
 out before we engage 'em, then we know what we're 
 giving you. Prices? Why, anything from five up plus, 
 to anything you wish to pay. What's the plus? Why, 
 plus car fares, of course. Yes, I know car fares are 
 pretty darned expensive, but as long as we haven't got 
 wings or Flivvers, we've got to pay 'em. What do you 
 want them for? Oh, the Eastern Star. How'd you like 
 a black-face act ? You wouldn't ? Well, we've got some- 
 thing just as good, — a snappy comedy quartette, singing 
 and dancing, you know. They're ladies? Well, what if 
 they are? You think that's a little too — too frivolous? 
 {Makes face.) Well, what do you want? You don't 
 want to pay very much? What? You thought you 
 could get a singer for two-fifty? Good-night! You 
 don't want a singer — you want a dish-washer. 
 
 {Hangs up receiver angrily.) 
 
 Maggie. Some old hen thinkin' this was a bargain 
 counter ? 
 
 O'Keefe. Just about — they make me sick. These 
 people that want high class talent for nothing get my 
 goat. 
 
 Maggie. I got an aunt who belongs to the Eastern 
 Star. 
 
 O'Keefe. She must be a bird. 
 
 Maggie. Well, she ain't no chicken, believe me. Say, 
 Mr. O'Keefe, speakin' of goats — are you a Mason ? 
 
 O'Keefe. A Mason? I wish I was. Look at the 
 money they're getting now. 
 
 Maggie. Oh, I don't mean that kind — I mean a mem- 
 
o'keefe's circuit 7 
 
 ber of the Masonic Lodge — you know — the place where 
 they keep the goats. 
 
 O'Keefe. Nothing doing. 
 
 Maggie. My father's a Mason. I got an uncle who's 
 Worshipful Grand Master in the lodge down in Squee- 
 dunk. 
 
 O'Keefe. What in thunder did you call him ? 
 
 Maggie. Worshipful Grand Master. Gee — you ought 
 to see him with his apron on — he looks just like a Kew- 
 pie! 
 
 (Puts arms out to imitate fat man; laughs.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Does' his wife call him Worshipful Grand 
 Master ? 
 
 Maggie. Not on your life — that's why he joined the 
 Masons. Poor Uncle Pete ! (Laughs.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, now I've got your family history, 
 suppose you do some work. (Maggie types away loudly. 
 Bill enters l. ; stands in doorway. ) What — you back 
 already ? I didn't expect to see you until next week. 
 
 Bill. Say, Boss, there's some dusky-lookin^ guys 
 headed this way. 
 
 O'Keefe. What did they look like ? 
 
 Bill. They look like easy money. 
 
 (Door-bell.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, let's have a look at them. (Bill 
 goes to door, ushers in Mose and Charley.) Hello — 
 come in. Say, Miss Hennessy, you'd better turn on the 
 lights — it's gettin' pretty dark around here. (Laughs.) 
 
 Mose. Is dis yere place O'Keefe's Circus? 
 
 O'Keefe. Circuit — not circus. 
 
 Mose. What's the diffelence. Boss? 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, a circus goes out on the road, and a 
 circuit — a circuit 
 
 Bill. A circuit kicks people out of the road if they're 
 punk. 
 
 O'Keefe. That'll do for you. Now let's see what 
 your specialty is — song and dance? 
 
 Mose. Dat's it. Boss, dat's it. 
 
8 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, shoot 
 
 (MosE and Charley, tzuo male darkey characters in 
 song and dance. Off l., then enter swaggeringly.) 
 
 Charley. Say, Mose — what you-all doin' dese yere 
 days? {Comes c.) 
 
 Mose {following). Doin'? What yo' mean, Charley? 
 Charley. I means — is you-all got a job? 
 Mose. A job? Sure, I'se got a swell job. 
 Charley. What kin' ob a job, Mose? 
 Mose. I'se a sort ob corntractor, Charley. 
 
 {Puts fingers in vest; swaggers r.) 
 
 Charley. A corntractor? Yo' mean dem new- 
 fangled plowin' machines? {Folloivs him r.) 
 
 Mose. New-fangled plowin' machines? No, I don't 
 mean dat. 
 
 Charley. Don' dey call dem tractors? 
 
 Mose. Not corntractors, Charley, — a corntractor's a 
 man what's smart enough to get odder people to work 
 for him, an' he jes' sets back easy-lak an' pulls In de 
 money. 
 
 Charley. Humph ! An' you-all's got dat kin' ob a 
 job, Mose? {Sighs, shakes head mournfully, goes r.) 
 Yo' mus' hab been born under a lucky star, Mose — yo' 
 always falls on yo' feet, 
 
 Mose {looks dotvn at his huge, flat feet). I cain't 
 miss 'em, Charley — I jes' cain't miss 'em. But say — I 
 guess I was born under a lucky star, Charley. 
 
 Charley. What star was yo' born under, Mose? 
 
 Mose. De name ob dat star, Charley, was Beanus. 
 
 Charley. Beanus ? 
 
 Mose. Yes, sir, I was born Saturday night, Charley, 
 an* we always has baked beanus ebbery Saturday night. 
 
 {They laugh, take a fezv steps to the left.) 
 
 Charley. But Mose, — how come yo' got dat job ob 
 corntractor? 
 
 Mose. Why, easies' thing in dis yere world, Charley 
 —I got married! {Pokes Charley in ribs.) 
 
o'keefe*s circuit 9 
 
 Charley. Married ! 
 
 MosE. Yas, Charley, Fse married. (Goes r., then 
 returns.) Yo' 'member dat li'l' Angelina White? 
 
 Charley. Sho' I 'member dat H'l' Angelina White — 
 why, I used to run 'round wid Angelina. 
 
 MosE. Sho', I know dat, Charley, but yo' ain't runnin' 
 round wid her now — not ef I knows it. 
 
 Charley. Why not ? 
 
 MoSE. She's Angelina Johnsing now. 
 
 Charley. What ! Yo'-all means to tell me dat while 
 I was ober in France fightin' de Germans an' de cooties, 
 dat 
 
 MosE. While yo'-all was ober in France fightin' de 
 Germans an' de cooties, I was ober here fightin' wid 
 Angelina ! 
 
 Charley (sadly). Li'l' Angelina White, — say, Mose, 
 do yo' call dat usin' a fellow white to steal away his gal 
 jes' as soon as his back is turned? 
 
 Mose. Wal, Charley, yo' — yo' back was turned so 
 blamed long dat I couldn't see yo' face at all. (Goes l.) 
 
 Charley (mournfully). Li'l' Angelina White! 
 (Sighs; goes r.) Is — is yo'-all happy, Mose — yo' an' 
 Angelina ? 
 
 Mose. Sho', we'se powerful happy. (Chuckles.) 
 
 Charley (comes c). Angelina's a right smart li'l' 
 gal, — I jes' can taste dem corn muffins now she used to 
 make. Yum, yum ! 
 
 Mose. Sho', she's right smart, Angelina is, — too blame 
 smart — dey ain't no use tryin' to fool Angelina. Say, — 
 de odder night I — I was jes' tryin' to skin away an' go to 
 de mobin-picture show, when Angelina puts her haid out 
 ob de window. 
 
 Charley. She put her haid out ob de window? 
 
 Mose. Yas, dat's what she done. You know my 
 Angelina 
 
 Charley. She used to be my Angelina. 
 
 (Sighs; goes l.) 
 
 Mose. Wal, she's my Angelina now — she's makin' 
 corn muffins for me now — didn't I say I was a corn- 
 
10 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 tractor? (Chuckles.) She am dead set against mobin- 
 picture shows, dat Angelina am. She says dere ain't no 
 diffelence twixt mobin-picture shows an' de demon 
 
 rum 
 
 Charley. Huh ! dat's ancient history, Mose, 'bout de 
 demon rum. 
 
 MosE (glares at Charley). — in dere demobilizing de- 
 fec' upon de human cy stern, an' she jes' pokes her haid 
 out ob de window dat night, an' she yells at me lak it 
 was kingdom-come. " Whar yo'-all goin', yo' good-for- 
 nothing nigger ? " " J-J- Jes' out ambulatin, " says I. 
 " Yo' jes' ambulate yo'self into dis yere house, an' walk 
 wid de baby, Mose Johnsing," she yelled, wid de sparks 
 jes' a-bustin' out ob dem big black eyes ob hers, " dat 
 po' li'l' Herpicide's tuk sick wid de cowlick." " Wal, 
 Angelina Johnsin'," spon's I, spunky-lak, " ef dat li'l* 
 shrimp has done tuk sick again wid de cowlick, why don't 
 yo'-all gib her goat's milk ? " 
 
 (They laugh; take few steps to R.) 
 
 Charley. Say, Mose — what yo'-all think about dis 
 yere Immunity Singin'? 
 
 Mose. Lunacy singin', yo' means, Charley ? 
 
 Charley. No, Mose, — Immunity singin'. 
 
 Mose. What about dat, Charley? 
 
 Charley. Yo' see, Mose, when me an' Pershing was 
 ober in France fightin' de Germans an' de cooties 
 
 Mose. An' I was ober here fightin' Angelina, — go on, 
 Charley. 
 
 Charley. Dey been sayin' right along, Mose, dat a 
 singin' army was a winnin' army, so dat singin' am a 
 sort ob serum-lak — it makes de soldiers immune to de- 
 feat. 
 
 Mose (looks dotvn at his feet, thinks, then slaps 
 Charley on shoulder). Now, Charley, I'se been won- 
 derin' and wonderin' all dis yere time why I had flat feet, 
 an' now I knows it's jes' because I nebber could sing in. 
 tune. (Both laugh.) 
 
 Charley. I got a good song, Mose, — ebber hear it ? 
 
 Mose. How's I know, Charley, whedder I'se heard 
 it bef o ', until I hears it ? 
 
o'keEFE's CIRCUIT II 
 
 (They give song and dance, then exit L.) 
 
 {Door-hell. Bill goes to door, reenters, goes to 
 O'Keefe.) 
 
 Bill. There's a lady dancer outside. 
 O'Keefe. A dancer? Bring her in — we haven't had 
 a dancer in here in some time. 
 
 Bill {at door). Come in, Minnehaha. 
 
 {The music appropriate to Indian dance begins, played 
 by piano or victrola and Minnehaha runs in, gives 
 her dance, and runs out afterward.) 
 
 {Telephone rings.) 
 
 O'Keefe {at 'phone). Hello — hello — what? Yes, this 
 is O'Keefe's Circuit, — sure. What's that? Last night? 
 What about it ? I didn't sleep much either. What ! Oh, 
 you say this is the Hither and Yon Club in Arlington? 
 Who? Didn't show up? That's funny — oh, it wasn't 
 funny? Yes, of course — I don't understand it. I've sent 
 {local hit "man") and {local hit "girl") all over the 
 country in their specialty, and they've never gone back 
 on their word before. Sure they understood the date? 
 Humph ! 
 
 Bill {excitedly) . You talkin' about {first name) and 
 {second name) ? 
 
 O'Keefe. Yes, I am. {At 'phone.) I'm sorry — I 
 can't understand 
 
 Bill. Didn't you see in the paper about them? 
 
 O'Keefe. What? 
 
 Bill. They was married yesterday. 
 
 O'Keefe. Married ! Are you sure ? 
 
 Bill {brings paper to desk). Here's the facts — mar- 
 ried yesterday, gone to Montreal on their honeymoon. 
 See their pictures? 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, of all things! {At 'phone.) You 
 don't know how sorry I am, Mrs. — er — Hither and Yon 
 — er — I beg your pardon — I'm very much upset over this 
 — very much indeed. I know — I know they had no right 
 
12 O KEEFE S CIRCUIT 
 
 to get married, but you see they didn't consult me. Of 
 course — I'm sure it will never happen again — humph! 
 (Hangs up receiver.) She rang off, mad as a hornet. 
 Bill. Well, it was her that got stung, (Laughs.) 
 O'Keefe. Oh, these women, these women ! 
 
 (Bell rings. Bill goes out; reenters and goes to 
 O'Keefe.) 
 
 Bill. Say, Boss, there's a lady outside who says she's 
 the missing link. 
 
 O'Keefe. What! We don't want no more monkeys 
 around here. 
 
 Bill. That ain't what she means. 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, what does she mean ? 
 
 Bill. She says she's a sort of link between the dead 
 and the living. 
 
 O'Keefe. Tell her we don't want no dead ones around 
 here. 
 
 Bill. But she's awful classy — sort of spooky-like. 
 
 O'Keefe. Oh — is she a medium ? 
 
 Bill. I don't know whether she's a commedium or not 
 — I'll ask her, (Goes l.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Idiot ! I mean — is she a Spiritualistic 
 Medium ? 
 
 Bill. That's it, boss. I knew it had something to do 
 with Prohibition. Shall I tell her to come in? 
 
 O'Keefe. Sure, show her in. What's her name? 
 
 Bill. Madame Spirituella. (Places chair c.) 
 
 O'Keefe, Well, show Ella in. 
 
 (Bill goes out, returns, whispers.) 
 
 Bill. Say — she wants it darker in here — sort of 
 mysterious. 
 
 O'Keefe. She ought to have been here when Mose 
 and Charley did their stunt — it was dark enough then. 
 
 Maggie. My friend Saidie went to a woman like that 
 once. She paid her two plunks, and all she got out of it 
 was a message from her mother who died three years 
 
O KEEFE S CIRCUIT I3 
 
 ago askin' her had she paid (local hit) the quarter she 
 borrowed from her four years ago. 
 
 (The lights are lowered and Spirituella enters, clad in 
 misty gray draperies, a gray veil floating from her 
 head. She goes slowly to chair c. and sits, sighs, 
 relaxes and goes into trance.) 
 
 Spirituella (mysteriously) . I feel it — it is coming. 
 O'Keefe. What's coming — a thunder-storm? 
 Maggie. Oh, Mr. O'Keefe, an' me scared pink of 
 thunder-storms ! 
 
 Spirituella. It comes ! 
 
 O'Keefe. What? 
 
 Spirituella. My control. 
 
 O'Keefe. You'd better hustle up, or I'll lose mine. 
 
 (Bill snorts.) 
 
 Maggie (in loud whisper). That's just the way the 
 woman did who charged Saidie two plunks for that fool 
 message. Ask her who her control is. 
 
 O'Keefe. Who is your control? 
 
 Spirituella. The spirit of my little Caroletta, who 
 passed into the beautiful beyond a year ago. 
 
 (Sighs heavily.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Who was she — your daughter? y 
 
 Spirituella. No — my little canary. 
 
 (Maggie and Bill snicker.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Humph ! What happened to Caroletta ? 
 
 Bill. I know— she et a germ in her bird seed. 
 
 Spirituella (rises, stretches out arms 'in agony). 
 Come back, come back, my little Caroletta — oh — she goes 
 — she cannot remain where there is levity. 
 
 O'Keefe (to Bill). Get out. Levity — you're an ad- 
 verse influence. (Exit Bill.) Now maybe the pretty 
 birdie will come back. 
 
 Spirituella (clasping her hands joyously and sinking 
 
14 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 back into chair). Ah — she comes ! she comes ! My little 
 Caroletta ! What message do you bear from those in the 
 beautiful beyond? She speaks! Ah! It is a message 
 for (wealthy girl) from her departed Aunt Luella, asking 
 if she always remembers to brush her teeth twice a day. 
 Wait — Aunt Luella has another message. Aunt Luella 
 says do not go to Dr. (local dentist), as she went to him 
 once to have a tooth extracted, and he pulled out the 
 wrong tooth. 
 
 Maggie. They say his prices is something fierce. 
 
 O'Keefe. Cut it out-^you'U scare away little Caro- 
 letta. 
 
 Spirituella. Ah — my little golden winged songster 
 bears another message from the other side of the Earth- 
 Door. Speak, Caroletta ! Ah ! A message for Mrs. 
 (woman with several small children) from her great- 
 aunt Eliza. Speak, Caroletta — what does Great-Aunt 
 Eliza wish to convey to her niece ? Ah ! " You will find 
 the lost rubber belonging to little (name of one of her 
 children) in the bottom of the flour-barrel." 
 
 Maggie. Gee! I'm glad I'm not boardin' at her 
 house. 
 
 O'Keefe. I guess she's glad, too, with your appetite. 
 
 (Maggie sniffs.) 
 
 Spirituella. Ah — I feel another message from the 
 spirit world! It is for (young man) from his great-great 
 grandmother on his mother's side. She wishes this mes- 
 sage conveyed to him, " Do not take that joui'ney which 
 you are contemplating, as danger awaits you at the end 
 of the journey." 
 
 Maggie. I know where he was goin' — I heard him 
 sayin' the other night that he'd been savin' up for the 
 last two months to take (girl) for a street car ride to 
 South Boston. 
 
 Spirituella. I hear the flutter of wings — my little 
 Caroletta brings another message from the Homeland. 
 Yes — what is it? Ah ! It is for (young man just started 
 in business) from his Uncle Ebenezer Hardtack. Yes, 
 Uncle— what did you wish to tell your nephew? Listen: 
 
o'keefe's circuit ic 
 
 " Uncle Ebenezer warns his nephew not to lend that five 
 hundred dollars to Mr. {wealthy and reliable man) as he 
 will never see it again." 
 
 Maggie. He ! he ! 
 
 O'Keefe. Sh I She's got 'em again. 
 
 Spirituella. Once more it comes — once more! 
 
 O'Keefe. What next ? 
 
 Spirituella. Oh! {She raises her arm before her 
 eyes as if to ward off a blow.) Oh— I see a soul in 
 agony ! Speak ! What words do I hear coming from that 
 tortured spirit? Ah ! It is a message for Dr. {prominent 
 physician) from a patient of his who has suffered a 
 Sudden Passing ta the Spirit Sphere. What news from 
 that tempest-tossed soul? Ah! She speaks! {In a 
 wailing tone.) " Doctor, oh, Doctor! Why did you give 
 me Paris Green when you know I never could stand that 
 color?" 
 
 Maggie {in loud whisper). I remember hearin' about 
 that. Dr. {local) lost about all his practice when that 
 woman cashed in. They say he hasn't a thing to do. 
 
 O'Keefe. Sh ! 
 
 Spirituella. Again, again, my little one? Ah, it is 
 a word for Mrs. {local) from her cook, who has de- 
 parted to Higher Realms. 
 
 O'Keefe. Higher wages, you mean. 
 
 Spirituella. Yes, — listen to her message : " Whin 
 yez are willin' to be afther payin' me fifteen dollars a 
 wake I will come ! " 
 
 O'Keefe. Say, my wife wants you to ask her Aunt 
 Sophia Pettingill where she put the gold thimble which 
 was left to her in her will. 
 
 Spirituella. The gold thimble ! Speak, Aunt Sophia, 
 speak to your niece, who awaits your answer! She 
 speaks ! " The gold thimble is in the possession of Mrs. 
 {local), who borrowed it from me at a meeting of the 
 Ladies' Western Missionary Society two weeks before my 
 passing. You will have hard work getting it away from 
 her." 
 
 0'Keb;fe. Thanks, Ella. 
 
 Magg-ie. Say, Spirituella, can you tell me what they're 
 goin' to -have for dinner at home to-night? 
 
i6 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 Spirituella (sniffs delicately). My control informs 
 me that there is floating about in the all-permeating ether 
 the aroma of — corned beef and cabbage. 
 
 Maggie. Thanks for the tip — I guess I '11 go to Childs' ! 
 
 Spirituella (rising). My control is leaving me — 
 even now I hear the departing flutter of her vikings as she 
 takes her way to the Realm of the Central Sun. I go. 
 
 (Goes to exit.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Say, just a minute, Citronella — can't you 
 give us one more? 
 
 Spirituella. One more ? I will try. Come, my little 
 Caroletta — come back for a moment and speak to the 
 Earth-People ! 
 
 (She raises arms imploringly, goes c.) 
 
 O'Keefe. I knew you could bring her back, Spirits of 
 Camphor ! 
 
 Spirituella (haughtily). Spirituella! 
 
 O'Keefe. Excuse me, I'm not very strong on names. 
 Say — couldn't you give me some dope from my Grand- 
 father Skinner? He always had good horse sense. 
 
 Maggie. Horse sense has gone out of style, Mr. 
 O'Keefe, along with horses. 
 
 O Keefe. I'm not asking you for information. Miss 
 Hennessy. 
 
 Maggie. Oh, excuse me ! 
 
 Spirituella. Ah, it comes — it comes — the message 
 from your Grandfather Skinner ! 
 
 O'Keefe. Good girl ! What's on his mind? 
 
 Spirituella. He speaks — he speaks! (She shrinks.) 
 Ah — the warning — beware ! 
 
 O'Keefe. Huh! 
 
 Spirituella. You have an enemy who seeks to des- 
 troy you ! 
 
 O'Keefe (rising excitedly). Who? Me? 
 
 Spirituella. An enemy ! 
 
 O'Keefe (sits hack calmly). Sure, any man who 
 amounts to anything has enemies. You can't scare me. 
 
O KEEFE S CIRCUIT I7 
 
 Spirituella. I tremble for you ! 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, as long as it isn't an earthquake, go 
 ahead. Who is this particular enemy ? 
 
 Spirituella {puts hands over her eyes). I cannot 
 see clearly — my little Caroletta is flying away. Come 
 back — come back and lighten my darkness, my little 
 golden-feathered control! {Lets arms drop slowly.) 
 Ah ! At last I see ! 
 
 O'Keefe. Who is he? 
 
 Spirituella. He seeks your destruction, — slowly, 
 subtly, he is robbing you of your wealth. His deceit 
 knows no bounds — he is merciless in his demands upon 
 you — you cannot escape him — every day he haunts your 
 house — slowly but inevitably you must fall a helpless 
 victim. {Goes slowly to exit.) 
 
 O'Keefe. I know — I know — it's the Grocer! {Exit 
 Spirituella. O'Keefe sighs heavily, picks up paper 
 from desk, fans himself.) That — that Spirits of 
 Camphor 
 
 Maggie. Spirituella. 
 
 {Rises, puts chair hack of stage.) 
 
 O'Keefe. Thanks, Miss Hennessy. That Spirituella 
 critter pretty nearly knocked me out. Say, do you know 
 what I'd like? 
 
 Maggie. I know what you'd like, but you can't get it. 
 
 O'Keefe. I don't mean that — I've had all the Spirits 
 I can stand. I'll tell you what I'd like — I'd like to hear 
 some good old-fashioned songs. 
 
 Maggie. Humph ! Not for me. 
 
 {Hums popular tune; takes step or two; then sits at 
 typewriter. ) 
 
 O'Keefe. It's nothing but ragtime and jazz 'til my 
 brain just about goes on strike. {Sighs.) If I could only 
 hear some of those old things, like "Believe me, if all these 
 endearing young charms " and " Annie Laurie " and — 
 oh, you know the ones I mean — if I could only hear some 
 of them for a change instead of " My jazz baby " and 
 such junk ! 
 
o'keefe'j circuit 
 
 I\Iaggie (with mouth open). Mr. O'Keefe, I never 
 knew you was sentimental before. 
 
 (Bell rings. Bill ushers in a girl in old-fashioned 
 costume, who sings some old-time songs.) 
 
 End of Part I 
 
PART II 
 
 SCENE. — The scene is the same as Act I. O'Keefe is 
 the only one on the stage, and is seated in chair tilted 
 back from desk, snoring loudly. He jumps and sits 
 up startled as Maggie enters noisily, dressed for the 
 street. She stops at exit and talks loudly and gushingly 
 to some one outside. O'Keefe looks disgusted. 
 
 Maggie. Uh, huh. Good-bye, Saidie, had a swell 
 lunch — see you to-night. What you goin* to wear ? You 
 are? I'm gonna wear my new pink taffeta — you know 
 the one I got in the basement last week for sixteen-fifty, 
 — uh-huh. Leap-year pink, they call it, — yeah, awful 
 pretty color. Sam? Sure, he's goin'. Say, you'd 
 oughter heard Pa when he saw that dress on me — he 
 nearly threw a fit. "Where's the rest of it?" he yelled. 
 " Rest of it ? " says I. " What do you mean ? " " Well," 
 says he, "no daughter of mine is goin' to a party with 
 that remnant on." " Remnant ? " says I. " This is a 
 swell dress, I'd have you know — they're all wearin' 
 dresses like this, Pa, — Miss {local) and all the swells." 
 "I don't give a" — {laughs) you know, says Pa, "you 
 put a shawl or somethin' over your collar-bones, or you 
 don't leave this house." Sure, I put a sweater on, an' he 
 never knew but what I kep' it on all evenin*. Ain't men 
 the limit? Well — good-bye, Saidie. 
 
 {She comes c. taking off gloves.) 
 
 O'Keefe {hangs fist on table). What in thunder do 
 you think this is — the society column ? You've been gone 
 two hours! 
 
 Maggie. Have I really, Mr. O'Keefe? I can't be- 
 lieve it. {Looks at wrist zvatch.) Well, ain't that the 
 limit ? My watch has stopped ! No wonder I was late, — 
 what do you knov/ about my watch stoppin' on me ? 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, young lady, your salary will be 
 
 19 
 
20 O'KEEFE's circuit 
 
 Stopped if you don't remember that you have one hour 
 off at noon, not two. Here I've been workin* my head 
 off waitin' for you. 
 
 (Turns angrily to desk; musses up papers.) 
 
 Maggie. Mr. O'Keefe — I'm so sorry. 
 
 {Takes off hat, puts it on chair near desk, goes to 
 mirror, prinks, powders nose, O'Keefe watching her 
 in disgust.) 
 
 O'Keefe (bangs fist on table; Maggie jumps). Say — 
 what do you think this is — a beauty parlor ? (Bill enters 
 whistling popidar tune off key. ) Well — so my office force 
 is all here, and only an hour late. Talk about efficiency ! 
 
 Bill. I wasn't talkin' about efficiency — I was talkin' 
 about the ball game. 
 
 O'Keefe. Humph ! 
 
 Bill. Say, there's a couple of hayseeds headed this 
 way — they come up in the elevator with me. (Looks out 
 exit.) Here they come. 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, let them in — there's lots of money in 
 hay. 
 
 (Deacon Small and his wife enter nervously. Bill 
 goes out. The Deacon is a prim, solemn-faced 
 man with side-whiskers, and his wife is a plump, 
 prim little old lady. They look about nervously as 
 they enter.) 
 
 Deacon. Is this — er — am I mistaken in thinking that 
 this is — er — O'Keefe's Circuit? 
 
 O'Keefe (rising). This is O'Keefe's Circuit. 
 
 Deacon. Am I addressing Mr. O'Keefe? 
 
 O'Keefe. You are. Come in, sir, — you and your 
 wife, — or your lady friend. 
 
 Deacon (shocked). This is my wife, sir. 
 
 O'Keefe. Oh, yes, I might have known it. 
 
 Deacon. May I inquire why, aside from the fact that 
 she is accompanying me, you might have known that 
 Maria was my wife? 
 
 O'Keefe (gallantly). Well — not meaning, of course, 
 
o'keefe's circuit 21 
 
 to offend the lady by my flattery, I would say that only 
 your husband could ever appreciate your true beauty. 
 
 {He smiles at her; she smiles timidly.) 
 
 Deacon. Sir! My name is Deacon Small, and I do 
 not wish any man to flatter my wife. 
 
 Mrs. Small {simpering). Thomas is a very jealous 
 man. 
 
 O'Keefe. Then I'd better look out. Well, Deacon 
 Small — what can I do for you ? 
 
 Deacon. My mission is this: my wife and I have 
 travelled all the way from {small town near by) to ar- 
 range for an entertainment to be given at our church. 
 We have a sociable once a year, and last year some — er — 
 er — entertainers were engaged by Deacon Doolittle 
 (Deacon Small and his wife exchange significant 
 glances), and were paid the exorbitant sum of ten dollars 
 plus their expenses. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Just think of it ! Such extravagance ! 
 
 Deacon {raises hand sternly). Allow me to speak, 
 Maria. {Frowns at her; she wilts.) 
 
 O 'Keefe. Will you be seated ? 
 
 {Places chairs c. for couple.) 
 
 Mrs. Small. Thank you, Mr. Upkeep. {Sits.) 
 
 O'Keefe. O'Keefe, madam. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Oh, yes — I never can remember names, 
 can I, Thomas ? It's so embarrassing at times, especially 
 when you want to introduce people. 
 
 Deacon {sitting). Never mind, Maria— our time is 
 limited. I will proceed. As I said, Deacon Doolittle en- 
 gaged some entertainers at an exorbitant price, and what 
 do you think they sent us? 
 
 Mrs. Small. Wasn't it dreadful? {Sighs.) 
 
 Deacon. They gave a song and dance that was so 
 shocking that Mrs. Doolittle was obliged to leave the 
 church, and for weeks afterwards she was a nervous 
 wreck. 
 
 Mrs. Small. And the dancer — tell him about the 
 dancer, Thomas. 
 
22 0*KEEFE*S CIRCUIT 
 
 Deacon. There was introduced into that scene of 
 revelry a — ^er — dancer, whose — er — proportions were so 
 plainly shown that Sister Dorcas almost fainted away at 
 the sight. She was very ill in consequence, and — er — 
 naturally, as I have the task of providing entertainment 
 for our meeting this year, I wish to be assured that the 
 entertainment will not be — er — offensive to the members 
 of our church. Have I made it clear? 
 
 O'Keefe. Yes, Deacon, I think I get your point. (Sits 
 at desk; thinks.) Now let me see what I have. (Looks 
 over papers.) M'm — there's Miss {local hit; girl who 
 can sing) and Miss {local hit) ; they give a good enter- 
 ment. Miss {very shy girl) sings and Miss {local) 
 reads selections from some of the latest plays — she gives 
 a very good reading from Grace George's latest play, 
 called " The Ruined Lady." 
 
 Deacon. Sir ! 
 
 Mrs. Small. Oh, Thomas! That would never do! 
 
 O'Keefe. Just as you say — snappy title, though — gets 
 across. 
 
 Deacon. Shocking ! 
 
 Mrs. Small. Oh, very! What would Sister Dorcas 
 say? 
 
 (Maggie watches them disgustedly; resumes type- 
 writing. ) 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, let me see. Here's (boy back from 
 France) and {another veteran) with their troop of 
 trained cooties — that's a good act — nice and lively — 
 plenty of go to them — they always get across. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Get a cross? What kind of a cross? 
 A war cross? 
 
 O'Keefe. No ! they get across to the audience — ^make 
 a hit, you know, 
 
 Mrs. Small. Oh — you mean they furnish a pleasur- 
 able evening. 
 
 O'Keefe. Yes, good lively one. 
 
 Deacon. I don't know whether — well — perhaps you 
 have some more suggestions to make. 
 
 O'Keefe. Sure — anything you like, {Bell rings. 
 
o'keefe's circuit 23 
 
 O'Keefe looks around.) Maggie, you go to the door — 
 that darn kid's gone to the ball game, I guess. (Maggie 
 goes to exit, ushers in man dressed in a Turkish costume 
 covered by a cloak or cape, and a woman's wig.) Who's 
 this? 
 
 (Maggie whispers with dancer, then speaks.) 
 
 Maggie. Mademoiselle Ruth Sandy-knee, of the Met- 
 ropolitan Park Commission. 
 
 Ruth. No ! No ! The Metropolitan Grand Opera ! 
 Maggie. Just as you say. 
 
 {Shrugs shoulders, goes to table, types.) 
 
 O'Keefe. You're a dancer, I take it. 
 Ruth. Premiere danseuse. 
 
 (Throws off cloak, tosses it on chair. Deacon Small 
 and his wife rise startled.) 
 
 Mrs. Small. Thomas — this is no place for us ! 
 
 (Takes his arm.) 
 
 Deacon. You are right, Maria — this is no place for 
 us. You go back to the station and wait for me — I — I 
 will witness this — this outrageous — er — affair, and report 
 it to the Watch and Ward Society. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Do you think I will leave you here, 
 Thomas, to the mercies of that — that vampire? No, if 
 you remain, I remain. (Sits stiffly.) 
 
 O'Keefe. What is your price, — er — Miss Sandy- 
 knee? 
 
 Ruth. I will dance twice for one hundred dollars. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Thomas! Did you hear that? 
 
 Deacon. I did. 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, get bu.sy, Ruthy, and let's see what 
 you can do. (Rises.) Here — we'd better put these 
 chairs back further to give you plenty of space for 
 dancing. 
 
 (He puts Deacon's chair back c, then returns for 
 other chair.) 
 
24 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 Mrs. Small (rising). Thomas! Do you think that 
 you — the superintendent of the Sabbath School, and I, a 
 teacher and — a moulder of the morals of the youth of our 
 community— do you think that we ought to remain and 
 apparently condone this — this terrible thing? 
 
 (O'Keefe moves her chair back c. ; motions her to 
 take the chair.) 
 
 O'Keefe. All ready for the performance, folks. Sit 
 down. (Deacon Small and his wife go back c. Mrs. 
 Small sits stiffly, Deacon remains standing, looking at 
 the dancer, takes off his glasses, polishes them with his 
 handkerchief.) Sit down. Grandpa. 
 
 (Deacon Small sits angrily. Ruth Sandy-knee 
 dances an Oriental dance in an exaggerated manner, 
 with sinuous motions and languishing glances at the 
 audience. The Smalls watch her, shocked but 
 fascinated. ) 
 
 Deacon. I wish I had some opera glasses. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Thomas ! 
 
 Deacon {haughtily). I wish to give a — er — a full 
 account to the Watch Your Step Society — er, I mean, 
 Watch and Ward. 
 
 Mrs. Small. Oh! {Looks suspiciously at him.) 
 
 (Ruth finishes dance and stands waiting.) 
 
 Deacon {clapping zvildly). That's great — great, eh, 
 
 what? 
 
 {Slaps Mrs. Small on shoulder jovially, then comes 
 to with a start.) 
 
 Mrs. Small {rising angrily). So that — that vampire 
 has undermined your morals, has she? 
 
 Deacon. Oh, no, Maria, nothing like that. She saved 
 us a hundred dollars ! 
 
 Mrs. Small. A hundred dollars ! 
 
 Deacon. Doesn't she charge people a hundred dollars 
 to see her dance? Well, we've seen her for nothing, by 
 heck. Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
o'keefe's circuit 25 
 
 Mrs. Smali^ (furiously). Thomas! This is too much ! 
 (Looks furiously at Ruth.) And you — you painted 
 creature — I 'II teach you not to flirt with my husband ! 
 
 (She strides to Ruth, pulls wig from his head and he 
 smiles blandly at her; she looks ready to collapse.) 
 
 Ruth. There, Sweetness, I'm sorry I upset you. 
 
 (He tries to embrace her; she runs to Deacon.) 
 
 Mrs. Small. Thomas ! Thomas ! Take me away 
 from this — this den-of iniquity. 
 
 (Exit Deacon and Mrs. Small stiffly, and the dancer, 
 who throws kisses to the audience.) 
 
 Maggie (rocking with laughter). He! he! he! I 
 haven't had so much fun since my little brother said his 
 prayers for the minister. 
 
 O'Keefe. What's that ? 
 
 Maggie. The minister came to call one day, an' Ma, 
 she was tryin' to show Tommy off, an' she tells him to 
 say the Lord's Prayer for the minister. He ! he ! he ! 
 
 O'Keefe. I don't see the joke. 
 
 Maggie. He ! he ! he ! He got along all right till he 
 got to " — and forgive us our debts — " he ! he ! he ! What 
 do you think he said? 
 
 O'Keefe. Search me. 
 
 Maggie. " Forgive us our debts as we forgive our 
 dentists." (Laugh. Bell rings. Maggie goes to door, 
 returns.) Mr. O'Keefe, there's a lady outside who gives 
 monologues. 
 
 O'Keefe. They all do. 
 
 Maggie. But this one gets paid for it. 
 
 O'Keefe (sighs). If it isn't another curtain-lecture, 
 bring her in. (Reader enters.) Well, what is your 
 particular line? 
 
 Reader. I should like to give a (description) entitled 
 (title). 
 
 O'Keefe. Well, as long as this Is a free country, I 
 suppose I can't stop you. (Sighs heavily. Reader gives 
 
26 o'keefe's circuit 
 
 reading or monologue, then goes out. Bill enters let- 
 surely; O'Keefe glares at him. ) Where you been ? 
 
 Bill. I've been out buyin' Ma a birthday present. 
 
 Maggie. What'd ja get 'er? 
 
 Bill {takes small hag out of pocket). I got her a 
 pound of sugar. 
 
 {Bell rings; Bill goes to door.) 
 
 Maggie. Here — I'll look after the sugar for you — give 
 it to me. 
 
 Bill {stuffing hag into pocket). Not on your life — it 
 ain't insured. {Opens door.) Huh? 
 
 Voice {outside). Carmencita, Serior. 
 
 Bill. Well, I seen you first, anyway. What's that 
 you call yourself ? 
 
 Carmencita. Carmencita, 
 
 Bill. Come in and seat her. There's plenty of chairs. 
 
 Carmencita {haughtily). Carmencita — cita means 
 little. 
 
 Bill. Huh! A little bit of carmine. {He looks 
 closely at her cheeks, touches one with his finger, then 
 looks at his finger, takes out hrightly colored handker- 
 chief and rubs finger with it scowling.) Huh ! I should 
 say you'd put about a tube of carmine on your face. A 
 little bit of Heaven, or a little bit of 
 
 Carmencita {stamps foot). Silence, boy! 
 
 (Bill jumps.) 
 
 O'Keefe {rising). What's this? You getting fresh? 
 Beat it ! 
 
 Bill {going to exit). Hurray I Me for the ball game ! 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 O'Keefe {bows to Carmencita). I'm sorry, Miss, — 
 er — what do you do — sing? 
 
 Carmencita. I sing from the Opera Carmen. 
 
 O'Keefe. Carmen? I thought they were all on 
 strike. 
 
 Carmencita. You mistake, Senor. How much you 
 give me for my song? 
 
 O'Keefe. Let's hear you sing first, then we'll talk 
 
O KEEFE S CIRCUIT I'J 
 
 dollars and cents. (Carmencita sings, then runs off.) 
 Some girl ! 
 
 Maggie. Humph ! I didn't think much of her voice. 
 I could sing better than that myself. 
 
 (Bell rings. Maggie goes to door, ushers in the Hip- 
 pity-hop Twins, a man and girl.) 
 
 Man. Is this O'Keefe's Circuit? 
 
 O'Keefe. This is the place. What can I do for you? 
 
 Girl. We'd like to put our names on your list. 
 
 O'Keefe. What's your specialty? 
 
 Man. Song and dance. 
 
 O'Keefe. What's the name of your song? (Girl 
 gives name of popular song.) All right — show us what 
 you can do. You know we never hire talent without 
 hearing them first — we have too much sympathy for the 
 public. 
 
 Girl. So tender-hearted! 
 
 O'Keefe. That's me, all right. Go ahead. (They 
 give song and dance, then run out. Immediately after 
 they have gone, a terrific blast is heard, played on a 
 trombone. O'Keefe jumps up. ) For the love of Pete ! 
 
 Maggie (jumps up). Sounds like a blow-out. 
 
 O'Keefe. I'll bet that darn kid's gone ofif in my 
 Flivver to the ball-game. Come on, Miss Hennessy — 
 let's shut up shop and call it a day. 
 
 (Maggie seises her hat, runs out with O'Keefe; the 
 Blow Brothers, a colored orchestra, enter and play.) 
 
THE SLACKER 
 
 A Patriotic Play in One Act 
 ^ By "Jewell Bothwell lull 
 Two male, seven female characters. Scene, an interior ; costumes, 
 modern and military. Plays forty minutes. The hero, beyond the draft 
 aj^e, has not enlisted because he deems it to be his widowed mother's wish 
 and his su-eellieart's preference, as well as his own duty not to do so. He 
 tries on the uniform of a friend who is going, "just to be in it once," and 
 bcinj; discovered, finds to his surprise that both his mother and his fiancee 
 h.ive been miserable under the charge that he is a " slacker " and are re- 
 joiced to h.ave liim make good. Picturesque, patriotic, dramatic— -an ideal 
 play for a Red Cross Entertainment. Strongly recommended. 
 Price, 2J cents 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 Gkant Moore. Mrs. Smith, kis mother. 
 
 M.\KS. ^\oo\K^, hh mother. Ella Brown, Aw sweetheart. 
 
 Betty Caldwell, his fiancee, Mrs. Ralph, 
 Benny Smith ^ young lieu- Mrs. Elton. 
 tenant. Mrs. Jones. 
 
 Other ladies and girls of the Marsville Red Cross Society. 
 
 A ROMANCE IN PORCELAIN 
 
 A Comedy in One Act 
 By Rudolph Raphael 
 Three males, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. 
 Plays twenty minutes. Cecilia and Clarence, engaged to marry, resort to 
 Dr. Spencer before the knot is tied to secure a new upper set. Their troub- 
 les in concealing their errand from each other reach a climax when both 
 sets are stolen and the truth has to come out. Very funny and heartily 
 recommended. Price, 2^ cents 
 
 A PROFESSIONAL VISIT 
 
 A Comedy in One Act 
 By Rudolph Raphael 
 Two males, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. James 
 Winlhrop, impecunious, calls upon his old friend. Dr. Raleigh, also hard 
 up, to discuss the situation, and ends by getting engaged to the Doctor's 
 landlady, a rich widow, who calls to collect the rent. Very swift work. 
 Recommended. Price, sj cents 
 
 THE GO-BETWEEN 
 
 A Dramatic Comedy Playlet 
 
 By Harry L. Newton 
 
 One male, two females. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. Plays 
 
 twenty minutes. Hezekiah, jilted on the eve of his wedding to Muriel, a 
 
 heartless adventuress, who has ruined him, is rescued from suicide by 
 
 Jane, a country sweetheart, in a capital little piece, mingling humor and 
 
 pathos most adroitly. Strongly recommended. 
 
 Price, 2j cents 
 
THE CONJURER 
 
 A Dramatic Mystery in Three Acts 
 
 By Mansfield Scott 
 
 Author of "The Submarine Shell," "The Air-Spy," etc. 
 
 Eight male, four female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two 
 easy interiors. Plays a full evening. Royalty for amateur performance, 
 $10.00 for the first and 355.00 each for subsequent performances by the 
 same company. Free for school performance. George Clifford, in- 
 capacitated for service at the front, employs his great talents as a conjurer 
 to raise money for the soldiers. He is utilized by Inspector Steele, of the 
 U. S. Secret Service, in a plan to discover certain foreign spies. The plan 
 goes wrong and involves seven persons in suspicion of a serious crime. 
 Clifford's clever unravelling of this tangled skein constitutes the thrilling 
 plot of this play, the interest of which is curiously like that of the popular 
 "Thirteenth Chair." This is not a " war-play " save in a very remote 
 and indirect way, but a clever detective story of absorbing interest. 
 Strongly recommended. 
 
 Price, 2^ cents 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Inspector Malcome Steele. Driscoll Wells. 
 
 George Clifford. Doctor Gordon Peak. 
 
 Captain Frank Drummond Detective White. 
 
 Gleason. Marion Anderson. 
 
 Lieutenant Hamilton War- Edith Anderson. 
 
 WICK. Ellen Gleason. 
 
 Colonel Willard Anderson. Dorothy Elmstrom. 
 
 SYNOPSIS 
 
 Act I. — The home of Colonel Anderson (Friday evening). 
 Act II. — The office of Inspector Steele (Saturday afternoon). 
 Act III. — The same as Act II (Saturday evening). 
 
 THE OTHER VOICE 
 
 A Play in One Act 
 
 By S. vK. Fairbanks 
 Three voices, preferably male, are employed in this little novelty which 
 is intended to be presented upon a dark stage upon which nothing is 
 actually visible save starlight. It was originally produced at Workshop 
 47, Cambridge, where its effective distillation of the essential oil of tragedy 
 was curiously successful. An admirable item for any programme seeking 
 variety of material and effect. Naturally no costumes nor scenery are re- 
 quired, save a drop carrying stars and possibly a city sky-line. Plays ten 
 minutes only; royalty, i5!5.oo. 
 
 Price, 2S cents 
 
THE MAN WHO WENT 
 
 (Originally produced under the title "The Black Feather,") 
 A Play in Four Acts 
 By IV. A. Tremayne 
 Seven males, three females. Scenery, one interior and one exterior, 
 Costumes, modern. Plays a lull evening. Royalty, ^lo.oo for the first 
 and i?s.oo each for other immediately succeeding performances. An ex- 
 ceptionally stirring and effective play of the Great War, produced with 
 great success in Canada as the successor of the popular " The Man Who 
 Stayed at Home." Jack Thornton, a King's Messenger, entrusted with 
 important state papers for delivery in Vienna, is robbed of them through 
 his attachment to a lady in the Austrian secret service, and his career 
 jeopardized ; but by the cleverness and daring of Dick Kent, of the Eng- 
 lish secret service, who is in love with his sister Evelyn, the plot is frus- 
 trated in a series of thrilling scenes, and all ends well. An exceptionally 
 well built drama, full of sensations, ending in a strong last act full of 
 " punch." A good play for any purpose, but ideally suited to thr temper 
 of the present. Plenty of comedy, easy to stage, and confidentl* iiccom- 
 men Jed. Price, 3^ cents 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 Dick Kent, in the English Secret Service. 
 Jack Thornton, a King' s Messenger. 
 Baron Von Arnheim, in the German Secret Service, 
 Sir George Caxton, in the British Foreign Office. 
 HoGUE, a German spy. 
 Barnes, a chauffeur. 
 Patton, a keeper. 
 Evelyn Thornton, Jack's sister. 
 
 Countess Wanda Von Holtzberg, in the Austrian Secre" Service, 
 Lady Venktia Caxton, Sir George's wife. 
 
 The action of the play takes place in the early summer of ^QI4. 
 
 SYNOPSIS 
 
 Act I. Jack Thornton's chambers in Portman Square, I,ondon. 
 Dealing the cards. " Beware of the dog." 
 
 Act II. A retired corner of Sir George Caxton's estate in Kent. 
 Dick takes the first trick. "The son of his father." 
 
 Act III. Jack Thornton's chambers. A bold play. •• Drive 
 like the devil, Barnes — we've got to make Charing Cross by nine." 
 
 Act IV. Jack Thornton's chambers. Dick wins the game. 
 •• Tightening the bonds of Empire," 
 
 OUTWITTED 
 
 A Comedy Dramatic Novelty 
 By Harry L. Newton 
 One male, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. Plays 
 twenty minutes. Sherman, a United States Secret Service man, encoun- 
 ters Sophie, supposed to represent the enemy, and a duel of wits ensues. 
 Very exciting and swift in movement, with an unexpected ending. Good 
 work and well recommended. Price, 2j cents 
 
MUCH ADO ABOUT BETTY 
 
 A Comedy in Three Acts 
 By Walter Ben Hare 
 Ten male, twelve female characters, or seven males and seven females 
 by doubling. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two easy interiors. Plays a 
 full evening. Betty, a moving picture star, going south on a vacation, 
 loses her memory from the shock of a railway accident, and is identihed 
 as a rival, Violet Ostrich, from a hand-bag that she carries. In tliis char- 
 acter she encounters the real Violet, who has just eloped with Ned O'l lare, 
 and mixes things up sadly both for herself and the young couple. An 
 exceptionally bright, clever and effective play that can be highly recom- 
 mended. Good Negro, Irish and eccentric comedy parts. 
 Price, 2J cents 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Lin Leonard, JBe«3/'s o)ie 6es« 6e<. Ethel Kohler, a high-school admirer 
 
 Major Jabtbeb, of Wichita, not only of Belly. 
 
 bent, hut crooked. Violet Ostrich, a film favorite, Ned's 
 
 Ned O' Hare, n jolly young honeymooner. bride. 
 
 .Mr. E. Z. Osvixicis, who has written a "Mas. JC. M. JiiGaims, a guest at the Solel 
 
 wonderful piclure-pUiy. Poinsettia. 
 
 Da. McT^iuTT, solid ivory fromtheneckup. Daffodil Diggins, her daug}iter,"Yes, 
 
 Jim Wii,vs, a high-.ic/tool senior. Mamma.' " 
 
 Archie, a black bell-boy at the Hotel Miss Chizzle, one cf the North Qeorgia 
 
 Poinsettia. Chizzles. 
 
 Officer Riley, lufto always does hisduty. Pearlie Brown, Violet's maid, a wldoio 
 
 Officer Dogan./co/k tlie Emerald Isle, of ebon hue. 
 
 Mr. Ebenezer O'Habb, a sicfcjnan and Violet, Violet Ostrich's little girl aged 
 
 a submerged tenth seve7i. 
 
 Mrs. Ebenezkr O'Hare, "Birdie," the DiAiioiXD, Pearlie' s little girl aged six 
 
 other nine-tenths. and 
 
 Aunt Winnie, Betty's chaperone. Betty, the star of the Movagraph Co. 
 Lizzie Monahan, Betty's maid, with a 
 
 vivid imagination. 
 
 Jartree may double Diigan ; Ned may double Riley ; Jim may double Archie ; 
 Mrs. O'Hare may double Ethel; Aunt Winnie may double Pearlie and Lizzie 
 may double Miss Cliizzle, thus reducing ihe cast to seven males and seven fe- 
 males. The two children have no lines to speak. 
 
 SYNOPSIS 
 
 Act I. Betty's apartments near New York. Married in haste. 
 ACT ir. Parlor D of the Hotel Poinsettia, Palm Beech, Pla. Three days later. 
 Betty loses her memory. 
 Act III. Same scene as Act II. A full honeymoon. 
 
 JUST A LITTLE MISTAKE 
 
 A Comedy in One Act 
 By Elizabeth Gale 
 One male, five female characters, or can be played by all girls. Cos- 
 tjmes, modern; scenery, an easy interior. Plays forty minutes. Mrs. 
 Ball receives a cablegram from her sister Lucy stating that Jerry 
 will arrive that day and begging her to be cordial. Mrs. Ball then goes 
 out to hire a cook, leaving three young friends to receive the unknown 
 guest. The cook, sent down from tlie agency in haste, is greeted and 
 entertained as Jerry and when the real Jerry (Miss Geraldine Take) ar- 
 rives she is sent out to the kitchen. After considerable confusion and ex- 
 citement she is discovered to be tlie " I.itile Miss Take," Strongly rec- 
 onnnended. Price, 2j cents 
 
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 Getting the Range 
 
 
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 Schmerecase in School 
 
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 BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston 
 
 f Mass. 
 
 
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 015 897 229 3 
 
 Plays for Colleges an JiJSi 
 
 Mattt Fe 
 
 The Air Spy 12 
 
 Bachelor Hail 8 
 
 The College Chap il 
 
 The Colonel's Maid 6 
 
 Daddy 
 
 The Deacon's Second Wife 
 
 The District Attorney 
 
 The Dutch Detective 
 
 An Easy Marie 
 
 The Elopement of Elien 
 
 Engaged by Wednesday 
 
 The Farmerette 
 
 For One Night Only 
 
 Hamilton 
 
 Higbee of Harvard 
 
 Kitty's Service Flag 
 
 The Hoodoo 
 
 The Hurdy Ourdy Girl 
 
 Katy Did 
 
 Let's Get Married 
 
 London Assurance 
 
 Lost a Chaperon 
 
 The Man from Brandon 
 
 The Man Who Went 
 
 The Man Without a Coumrjr 
 
 Master Pierre Patella 
 
 Me and Otis 
 
 The Minute Man 
 
 Mose 
 
 Mr. Bob 
 
 Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 
 
 Nathan Haie 
 
 Nephew or Uncle 
 
 Professor Pepp 
 
 A Regiment of Two 
 
 The Revenge of Shari-Hot*Sa 
 
 The Rivals 
 
 The Romancers 
 
 The Rose and the Ring 
 
 Sally Lunn 
 
 The School for Scandal 
 
 She Stoops to Conquer 
 
 Step Lively 
 
 The Submarine Shell 
 
 The Thirteenth Star 
 
 The Time of His Life 
 
 Tommy's Wife 
 
 The Twig of Thorn 
 
 For " special " royalties, see catalogue descriptions for 
 detailed information. 
 
 BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. 
 
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