M'^ Qi^ — — — '■•^50; SOCIAL EVIL BY — Ai 1% ST. LOUIS, MO.,.^^ PRICE 25 CENTS. % ^■s^ o»r^£ SOCIAL EVIL, BY ANDREW H. LUOAS. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washing- ton, D. C, by Andrew H. Lucas, in the year 1873. SCENE I. Parlor Table, Blowers, Books. Two young Ladies. One on a lounge, the other in an easy chair reading a newspaper. Laura. I do believe, Julia dear, we shall never have any fun. I am sick of this restraint We are here now three weeks on a visit, and uncle is so particular that he will not let us go with young gentlemen like the young ladies in the city. Why, there's Miss Mary and Miss Nelly, and others that you know, and they go and stay out with their beaux every night until twelve or one o'clock and nobo Jy brings them to order. Julia. Oh ! it must be so nice. We came to town to see some fun, and let us have it Suppose we go board and tell uncle we have gone home ? Laura. That's just it. Let me see if there is any adver- tisement in the paper for boarders. O ! dear, here it is. Wan- ted a few respectable young lady boarders. Sociable young ladies can find elegant accommodations at No. 7th Street. Julia. That's just it. I am sure we are sociable, suppose we go and make arrangements to-morrow, it will only be a little tun and for a few days. Laura. Be it so. Let us go dress, the carriage will be here at four. (exit.) SCENE II. Young gent's room, table, books, &c. Two young genfs smoking. Harry. Well Jim, old lellow, this social evil is a glori- ous institution. You remember under the old law how we were caged. Now it's free and glorious. Jim. (Sanctimoniously.) Yes, but my conscience accuses me it's sinful entraping those innocent birds. Harry. Well, you missed your calling, you ought to be brought up to the church. Console yourself, my drooping wil- low. Did we not meet Mrs D. at Miss Snizles millinery estab- lishment, what took her there, and Miss C. and Miss H. at the ice cream saloon on the avenue, what took them there ? To be sociable, of course, and if they go there, it's not our fault. Why, I was at Miss Snizle's establishment the other day and an old gray-headed man walks in with band box to get his wife's bonnet fixed. He left the band box on the counter and went up stairs to look at a new shape, and would you believe it, the band box was empty, the old sinner was fishing. Jim. Did you ever — ? Harry. Yes I did, but the most important question is, how are we to keep up the financial department. Jim. That's more than I know. I have taken all I could lay hands on, the last was my mother's bracelets, and they are gone up the spout. Harry. That's my fix exactly, the governor's watch and chain are gone in the same direction. Well, we have enough for a short time anyhow, and trust to luck for the future. Jim. That's a melancholy state of affairs, but I suppose we will have to keep under it. Harry. I would advise you to look for a situation as un- dertaker. Come, let us promenade. Wait, let me get my eye- glass. Ah ! here it is. (exit.) SCENE III. Parlor of a social evil boarding house. Madam in rocking-chair reading a book. Bell rings, enter servant. Servant. Two young ladies at the door, ma'm, want to see you. Madam. Bring them in. They are answering the adver- tisement, I expect. (Enter young ladies.) Laura. We saw an advertisement in the paper that you wanted boarders, and as we are in the city for a short time, we thought we should prefer retirement than to go to a hotel. Madam. Oh ! yes, please be seated, my dear young ladies. You will find if you board here for a short time, that it will be — 3 — so pleasant and our company so select, that you'll want to stay all the time. Laura. Can you furnish us with a room on to-morrow ? Madam. Yes, bring your trunks. You'll be just in time, as we are going to have a sociable to-morrow night, and that will be just the thing to make you acquainted. Laura. Well, we will be here od to-morrow, we must. So good morning. (exit.) Madam. Good morning, young ladies. Madam. Well, I expect they are green in letting on to be; anyhow they are good looking and will attract, and if they are green they will soon get sociable enough. (Enter servant.) Servant. Madam, Mr. Bisby wants to see you. Madam. The old sinner ! He has a family and such a good wife, and yet he must come and see me. Well, it must be my good looks or my amiable disposition, that attracts him. Send him in. (Enter Mr, Bisby, an old gent.) Mr. Bisby. Well, my angle, I am delighted to see you looking so fresh this morning. I thought Fd drop in and have a little chat, my Heby. Madam. Now, Mr. Bisby, I am used to all these things, but I do think a man of your years and married to such an amiable wife, should make his home, and his wife especially, happy by his true love and attention, instead of that you are running here after every stray bird that happens to come this way ; you ought to be ashamed. Mr. Bisby. Oh ! my Diana, you are mistaken, it's you are the attractive power, it's your genial disposition and loving smiles that draws me here. (Bell rings.) Madam. Somebody comes. Well, if it is so and you come to see me, you naughty man, I suppose I must flatter myself good looking. Come to my room, these callers want the parlor. (exit.) SCENE 17. In the Park, an iron Park chair. Harry and Jim smoking. Harry. Well, Jim, old fellow, this is charming. Let me sec what time it is. Oh I I forgot my watch. — 4 — Jim. It's in safe keeping. Harry. You're like a Dorth wind, always chilling a fel- low. Why don't you under every financial panic have a cheer- ful disposition like me ? Jim. Because the end is as clear as mud ; I tremble at the consequences. Harry. Well, I don't know what would become of you if I was to give up my guardianship. If you were to see your- self just now, you would make a good picture for a trade mark on some patent ague cure. Well, I don't see what keeps those young ladies, they ought to be here by this time, the moon is nearly up. They said they would give the old folks the slip and meet us here. Well, sit down and let me tell you what happened to the governor last evening. Jim. Some of your rascality, I recon. Harry. Oh no, I just saved him from losing a ten dollar bill and placed in safe keeping for a reserve Well, you see the governor told me to get ready for prayer meeting, and as it was early we took a walk, and as we went by the madam's ice cream saloon, the governor stopped. Come, son, says he, let us go in and have some ice cream. I looked at the gover- nor as if a thunderbolt struck him. Can it be, I thought, that my father has got to visiting here too 1 I thought I'd see if it could be so and I said "all right," and in we went, and the madam — thinking I had brought a wind — fall, showed us up-stairs. Jim. That's to rich ! Harry. O ! you ought to see the social young ladies, dressed to kill, such low necks. The governor took a seat; a star of the first magnitude approached with a smile. Ice cream for two, says the governor. She smiled and wont to fill the order. Don't these young ladies dress rather conspicuous ? says the governor. That's fashion, said I. I could hardly keep in a smile. She came in with her cream and another young lady with water, who kindly took a seat by me, while the other deliberately sat in the governor's lap, put her arm around his neck and kissed him. The governor gave a jump as if lightning had struck him. Oh ! my son, says he, where are we. He rammed his hand in his pocket, took a ten dollar bill, slapped it on the table and bolted, which he no sooner done, than I covered it with the palm of my hand. Calmly I took it and deliberately I folded it, put it in my vest pocket. — 5 — Madam, says I, please be so kind and charge this to my little account. She made a grab at me, but thanks to my paper col- lar, which was all she got. I got off without any scratching. In a moment I was with the governor. Son, says he, what would 1 do if any of the members of the church were to see me coming out of there ? We did not go to church, I to make my toilet, richer by ten dollars, and the governor a wiser man. Ah ! here they come, the dears. (Enter two young ladies.) Miss S. How' do, how^ do ? We are so sorry for keeping you waiting so long. We could not get a chance sooner, just gave mother and aunty the slip, told them we were going with Minnie to the library. Harry. I knew youM come, my love. (Slipping his arm round her waist.) Let us promenade. Jim, you take Miss Y. to the grotto, while we go to the lover's walk and for fear we should not meet again meet me at the gate at ten. (exit.") SCENE Y. A social evil house. Parlor, ladies and gents at card tables, Wines, &c. Mr. Bisby and, madam on lounge. Jim and Harry at card table in front, playing, hnter young ladies, Laura and Julia, dressed for the reception. Marry starts but keeps his seat. Madam. Young ladies, you are rather late, the young gents are waiting to have the pleasure of an introduction to you. Mr. Bisby. (Pulling the madam by the dress.) Please introduce me. Madam. (Takes no notice of Mr. Bisby.) Young ladies, allow me to introduce you to two nice young gents, well known in the higher circles of the city. Mr. Stanson and Mr. Mizles, they move in the best society. (Introduces young ladies to Harry and Jim. Harry takes the young lady and promenades and returns, to front of stage, Jim takes young lady to a seat.) Harry. Miss Florence, did I not have the pleasure of meeting you in Caseville, Ills. ? Laura. It may be so; I reside there. Harry. Is not your father a minister ? Laura. Yes, Sir. — 6 — Harry. And how come you here ? Laura. We have just come to the city on a visit and saw in the paper yesterday this lady's advertisement for boarders, and came and engaged board for a few days. Harry. Do you know where you are, do you know that you are in a social evil house and all the inmates are aban- doned characters ? Laura. Oh ! where shall we fly to ? Harry. Keep quiet; I believe you are innocent and will save you. You are in a trap, tell your sister and get near the door. I will go and get shawls to cover you and when I return and open the door you fly j I will protect you, I am armed. (Harry takes Laura to her sister and then leaves unnoticed.) A fight between two gents at a table, confusion all round, in which Harry returns, opens the door and young ladies escape. Fight continues, Mr, Bisby is knocked down by Jim, Mr. Bisby on the flat of his back. Madam calls watch at a window. A reg- ular rush from the room. Madam. I do wonder where those young ladies are gone to, I must hunt them up. (exit.) SCENE VI. Young gent's room. Harry and Jim smoking. Harry. Now you see, Jim, that I have some redeemable qualities after all. I saved those young ladies from destruc- tion. I think when they get home they shall inform their lady friends about social boarding houses. Jim. Yes, but how many more have you destroyed ? Harry. You are mistaken, they were lost to all self-res- pect before they made my acquaintance. Did I not know so I should rather put a bullet in my brain, than take an advan- tage of them. But let that go. Do you know that our bank i3 broken ; how are we to raise the wind ? Jim. Yes, that's the question. Harry. Now let me tell you, you will have to make Slamer, Hammer, Crash & Co., your employers at the store, pay your expenses. Jim. Why, they pay me regular forty dollars a month, and would not give me a cent more. Harry. Did you not tell me that Slammer, Hammer, -7 — Crash & Co. said you were to go round at night and drum up customers for the store ? Jim. Yes. Harry. Well then, if they expect you to act the gentle- man after night, why, you have to draw on the store. Jim. They will not give me a cent more than they give me. Harry. You are as stupid as an ass; take the money and appropriate for the benefit of the store. Jim. Why, that's stealing ! Harry. It'sjust there you are mistaken. Now you see, il Slammer, Hammer, Crash & Co. expect you to bring custom to the store on forty dollars a month by drumming up custom af- ter night, they must be fools j and again you see, if you take a five or a ten and bring twenty or thirty to the store, the store is benefited by the appropriation. Jim. I see, that's reasonable enough. Harry. Certainly it is. Did not Brown and Blamer, when they engaged me, require the same on fifty dollars a month ? I said ^^all right, gentleman," and from the time I en- tered their store I considered myself a silent partner. You know Flinty, well, his Clerks fight the tiger every night j if they lose the store pays their expenses, if they win the store has the benefit of it, so everything in that concern works har- moniously. Well, we must go, I have promised to take Mrs. Truster to the cave to-night ; her husband is gone to New York to buy goods, and she wants some recreation. (exit.) SCENE YII. Mrs. Bisby's parlor. Mrs. Bishy sitting in a rocking by a table reading a letter. Mrs. Bisby. Well, I do declare, this is enough to make angels weep. (Eeads letter.) Mrs. Bisby. Eespected Madam : Knowing you to be a lady of high tone and one that would not wish to make religion a cloak for rascality, I beg of you to persuade your husband to keep from visiting social evil houses or from church. Last night he came near being killed — 8 — in a broil in one of those places, and the plaster on his nose is a relic of the affair. Eespectfully, Your Friend. (Enter Mr. Bisby with a patch on his nose.) Mr. BisBY. Well, my dear, won't you go to church this evening. It's time you were getting ready, my love. Mrs. Bisby. (Indignantly.) Take a seat, sir, and listen to reason and common sense. Mr. Bisby. Why^ my darling Bisby, what's ruffled your sweet disposition this evening ? Mrs. Bisby. (Furious, raising her dress to show her foot.) Look at that toe protruding, see then, I cannot go out tor want of something decent to put on. Can you not give me some money ? Mr. Bisby. My dear Mrs. Bisby, you don't know how tight money matters are ; I am afraid we are going to have a finan- cial panic. Mrs. Bisby. Now, Mr. Bisby, listen to me, Til panic you. (Bisby trembles.) Look at your pants all worn out from mak- ing long hypocritical prayers in church, so long that the con- gregation thinks the day of judgment is coming before you get through. Mr. Bisby. My love, are you losing what little sense you ever had ? Mrs. Bisby. Oh ! I'll have you listen to this. (Reads letter.) Now, Mr. Bisby, on to-morrow the electric wires shall flash all over the country that a suit for a divorce has com- menced, Bisby vs. Bisby. Mr. Bisby. (Mr. Bisby falls on his knees.) My dear Mrs. ^isby, your own loving Bisby never told you a lie. It's a little weakness that's come over me since they introduced the social evil law, and — (Mrs. Bisby very indignantly leaves the room.) Mr. Bisby. (Opening his eyes.) How frail we are. I must go talk to my Bisby, it will never do for the church to know this little affair. (exit.) — 9 — SCENE Yin. Court Room. Justice sitting at table, books, papers; &c. Sociable young ladies, madam, Mr. Bisby, Jim in the corner speak- ing, Harry with his back to the justice taking a drink out of a bottle with his handkerchief around it, then wipes his eyes. Attorneys, officers, (Sec,