635 9 K39 py 1 NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 5niiCR'5 Edition or Play,5 The Emigrants' Party Price, 25 Cents COPYRIGHT. 1889. BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO. M. U). Pinero's Plays Price, 50 Cents eacD TOU A 1\/I A 7 AMQ ^arce in Three Acts. Seven males, five fe- lllL AluALvliiij males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not difficulto Plays a full evening. THE CABINET MINISTER Si, Znl'7er.itt: S tumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening- HAMnV nir'y Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- UAViU I UlvIV. males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two inte- riors. Plays two hours and a half. TUr r* AV I non AUrY comedy in Four Acts. Four males, InCi UAl LUIvl/ ViU£iA ten females. Costumes, modern; Bcenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. UIC lIATTCr IW ADnri? comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, life nliUOEi 111 17I\LFE.IV four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. TUI7 UADQV UAPQC Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, l5lEi nV/DDI nUA.iJJu five females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. inTO Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, llVliJ modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. I AnV RniTNTIFTII Play in Four Acts. Eight m^les, seven Li\l/I DU U 11 lirUl*. females. Costumes, modern; scen- ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. I FTTV I^^'ama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five LiLil 1 I females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. Plays a full evening. TH17 MAr'IQTRATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, in£i iVlRulO 1 IViA 1 £< four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Walttx ^. Pafeer $c Companp No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts The Emigrants' Party An Entertainment Introducing Folk Songs and Dances By JESSIE A. KELLEY tuthor of ''The Village Post Office,'' ^'Taking the Census in Bingvilk;' " Tramps' Convention," ^'Peddlers' Parade," ''Suffragettes' Con- vention," etc., etc. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO, 1914 The Emigrants' Party CHARACTERS Franz Pierrot, French. Hans Grimm | Gretchen, his wife \ Germans* Elsa, their daughter, ten years Robert Campbell ] - <\v Donald MacGregor \ Scotch, V James MacDougal Patrick Flannigan Mrs. Flannigan Michael Murphy Bridget Sullivan Algernon Heaton Edward Raleigh Lee Sing, Chinese. Remus Strong Dinah, his wife J. Negroes, Chloe, a child three years PlETRO Mazetti ] Rosa Mazetti \ n r Antonio Levaggi ] ^^^'^^«- Fritz Schneider ) ^^ , Katrina Schneider, his wife \ ^^^'^' Abraham Goldstein Rebecca, his wife Max, a son oftzvelve Isaac Rubenstein Jacob Rusacow Ferdinando C01.OMBO,' Spaniard. Susanne Smythe, a society lady. Captain, Doctor, Inspector, Policeman, Stowaway. More women and children of all nationalities may be added, preferably in costume, and they may take part in the concert. Other people, presumably from among first class passengers, may also come in at the time of the concert and take part. A group of Japanese maidens in kimonos might give a fan drill. Jews, Copyright, 191 3, by Walter H. Baker & Co. ©OLD 35267 STAGE SETTING The stage should be fixed to resemble the deck of a ship, and it may be as simple or as elaborate as desired. Life-buoys made from air-cushions covered with white and having a ship's name painted in black letters may be hung around. Water pails, camp stools, life-preservers, flags, pennants, sails reefed to masts with flags and lights suspended from rigging may all be used to advantage. Numerous ideas that may be easily carried out will suggest themselves to make the scene a realistic one. COSTUMES Inspector and Doctor wear dark blue uniforms with brass buttons, caps with appropriate lettering. Policemen and Captain in uniform. Patrick and Michael wear coarse laborer's attire, Michael with red wig ; Bridget, very showy, cheap attire with enormous hat having straight feather standing upright ; Mrs. Flannigan, calico dress, shawl and bonnet. Dinah any bright costume with red bandanna on head; Chloe, bright yellow or blue ; Remus, old clothes with buttons off, holes, general shiftless appearance, but with tall hat and gloves. Scotchmen in plaid, kilt and cap. Chinaman in regulation Chinese costume with queue. Sweep very dirty and ragged, smutty face. Antonio and Pietro in ordinary shabby clothes with soft black felt hats ; Rosa black velvet with red trimmings, scarf over head. Katrina, Gretchen, Elsa, full bright colored skirts, tight bodices with kerchiefs, stiffly starched, flaring white caps; Hans and Fritz, blue suits with big puffy trousers. Others, any appropriate make-up, some with beards, wigs, old style hats, etc. All have large cards pinned or tied on dress or coat. These the inspector examines and compares with his list for identi- fication. All have numerous bundles tied up in quilts, news- papers, etc., the more grotesque the better, also old-fashioned bags of all sorts. PROGRAM FOR CONCERT A program is given in the text as a guide, but it may be varied or a totally different one given. The songs suggested are old familiar ones and may be found in almost any collection of songs. The recitations suggested are in *' Werner's Read- ings and Recitations, No. 38. Dialect " (35c.), with the ex- ception of **John Chinaman's Protest" and ''Sockery's Kadacut Kat," which may be found in " Soper's Dialect Readings" (25c.). Folk songs and dances are found in **Folk Dances and Games" by Caroline Crawford (;^i.5o), and ''The Folk Dance Book" by C. W. Crampton (;^i.25). These books may all be obtained of Walter H. Baker & Co. Newer, popular airs of the day may be used, if desired, also chorus, quartette and duet work. A band or Victrola might be used, also accordion, harmonica, or cornet. The whole entertainment may be varied, less of the text used, women take the parts assigned to men in some instances, parts doubled and various other changes to suit the needs of the society giving the entertainment. Other songs are suggested below : — Songs for England J^oas/ Beef of Old England. Rule Britannia. God Save the King. The Country Pedler, Germany The Watch on the Rhine. A Mighty Fortress is Our God. The Angelus, France The Marseillaise. Annie Laurie. Auld Lang Syne. Scotch Lassie Jean. Scotland Blue Bells of Scotland, Highland Laddie, Robin Adair. Campbells are Coming. Spain Ave Maria. 4 Spanish Cavalier. NOTES 5 Ireland Kathleen Mavourneen. Come Back to Erin. Low Backed Car, Wearing of the Green. Negro Old Black Joe. Nellie Gray. Dixie Lafid. My Old Kentucky Home. Massa's in the Cold, Cold Grou?id. Other dialect recitations may be found in *' Dick's Dutch, French and Yankee Recitations" (30c.), " Baker's Comic and Dialect Speaker" (25c.), and ** Baker's Humorous Speaker" (25c.). NOTES Be careful to speak very slowly and distinctly, as dialect is rather hard to understand. Practice the story telling. A story is spoiled or made in the telling. Repeat the jokes, and give the audience time to get the points, also make the jokes local wherever possible. A good deal of fun may be made with a lunch feature ; the Germans with sausages and pretzels, Irish with potatoes, Italians with macaroni, Frenchman with frog, etc. The detection of smugglers, bringing in local hits, is another good feature. Men and women may be talking in groups, children playing, some half asleep nodding in chairs, others lying down. Put all the action possible into it, but be careful that there is no noise or confusion to prevent the audi- ence from hearing what is said. The Emigrants' Party Franz Pierrot {walkmg hnpatiently back and forth). Zee time eet ees so long teel we get to zee land ! We see zee land long time, but eet no come near. Zee long, long time ! Hans Grimm. Der captain he shoost say it vos two hours, he dink, till ve vos in der harbor. Fritz Schneider. Och, mein koodness ! I vant to dold you dot I vos tired of der poat beesness. Patrick Flannigan. Shure an' yez ought to be afther be- ing thankful that yez are in where ye're not say-sick. Oi wuz turrible sick comin' over, but nary a bit wuz I sick going back. Katrina Schneider. For vy vos dot ? Pat. Shure, I niver wint back yit. Rosa Mazetti. I gotta thanka thata sharka did notta eata me whena I falla overboarda. Robert Campbell. I dinna ken wha' the shark didna eet th' lass. Algernon Heaton. Why, the shark did not heat the woman. The Scotch were halvvays a thick-'eaded people. Of course hit was because 'e was a man-heating shark. How could 'e heat a woman ? Michael Murphy. Shure, if Oi knew the toime and place uv me death Oi'd be as fur from that place as possible. Isaac Rubenstein. Shoost give me a tollar und I vill dell you how to lif forefer. Mich. Begorra, Oi'll do it. {Gives him money,') Isaac {pocketing money). Nefer die, mein frient ; dot ish der secret. {Laughter.) , Bridget Sullivan. Och, but it's orful the number of paypil what's buried aloive. Faith, if Oi'm living whin Oi'm dead Oi hope they won't be afther burying me aloive. Pat. Whin Oi die, Oi want ter be buried in yer lot, Abraham. 8 THE emigrants' PARTY Abraham Goldstein. For vy ? Pat. Becuz the divil wud niver think uv luking for an Oirishman in a Jew's graveyard. Rob. (Jo Donald MacGregor). Why are you sa quiet, mon ? Are you afeerd you are going to dee ? Don. Tut, tut, mon, I ha* same false teeth^ dinna ye ken, an' I'm afeerd o' wearin' thim oout if I talk ower mooch. Ferdinando Colombo. You lika a mana I knowa. Too meana to getta haira cutta, wait tilla colda weather, den he wetta his haira i^goes through motions), wenta outa doora tilla haira froza harda, den he breaka his haira off. Save da mona. Edward Raleigh {very bald headed). Hi come hover hin the steerage to save the money, but Hi'll not do hit hagain. Hi hexpected to find some bugs, but when Hi find them has large has this Hi don't hintend to sleep with them. {Holds up very large toy bug.) Abra. My votch stopped last night. Antonio Levaggi. Whatta da matta ? Abra. A bedbug got between de ticks. (Ed. scratches head furiously.) Fritz {to Ed.). Vy don't you chase dem out in de open ? You can't catch dem der. Mich. Phwat are yez doin' annyway ? Picking thim out ? Ed. No, Hi ham not picking them hout, Hi ham taking them has they come. Brid. Oi'd loike to be axin' yez wan question, Mister Raleigh. Ed. What his hit ? Brid. Oi'd loike to be axin' yez if yez hev to toie a sthring around yer head to be afther knowin' how hoigh up to wash yer face? Ed. This his what comes hof coming hover hin this beastly place. Hi'll not stand hit. Hit's devilish. Kat. How vos you dare to swear pefore me ? Ed. Hexcuse me. Hi didn't know you wanted to swear first, Dutch y. James MacDougal. Dinna ye ken, mon, the everlastin' bliss that cooms to a' those wha' swair not at a' — everlastin' bliss, mon. Pat. An' begorra, it's everlasting blister to those who do swear, everlastin' blister, man aloive. THE EMIGRANTS PARTY 9 Franz. Zay, Pat, deed you hear zee news ? Pat. No, Frenchy. Phwat wuz it ? Franz. Ze devil, he die last night. Pat. {taking penny from pocket). Is thot so? Here thin is sum money fur yez. Me fayther tould me niver to pass an orphan in distriss. Franz. By zee looks of zee face I theenk you had bettaire save zee money. Pat. Phwat's the matter wid me face? Shure, a man can't choose his face, nor his hair, nor his oiyes. He's lucky if his woife will let him pick his teeth. Ferd. Signor Flannigan is — what you calla eet ? Patriotic. He wear de color of the country he go to. Pat. How is thot ? Ferd. (^pointing). You hava de redda nosa, de whita tie, an' de bluea eyea. Pat. Shure Oi can't be hilping me red nose aiyther. Jacob Rusacow. I dell you how you vos cure dot nose of peing red. Pat. How ? Jacob. Shoost keeb on drinkin' dill it vill grow burple. Pat. Did anny of yez iver see me wid more than Oi cud carry ? Mrs. Flannigan. Shure, Oi've often seen yer wid a load you should hev made siveral trips afther. {Laughter.) Mich. Oi say, Pat, phwat's the difference betwane you an* the moon ? Pat. Oi dunno. Mich. The moon is full wanst a munth an' yez are full ivery noight. Say, Pat {laying hand on Pat.'s shoulder), Oi was radin' jist the other day how a man was so full uv alcohol that whin he wint to blow out a candle his breath tuk foire an' he wuz blown to paces. Pat. Hear me say it, Moike, hear me say it ! His breath tuk foir ! Shure Oi'U niver doie that death annyhow. Listen to me, b'ys. Oi, Patrick Flannigan, knowin' me grate wake- ness, dapely sinsible of me past sins, an' the grate danger Oi've bin in, hereby take me solemn oath that so long as Oi loive, under no circumstances phwativer will Oi, listen, b'ys, blow out a candle agin. {Laughter.) 10 THE EMIGRANTS PARTY Hans. Keeb still. Der docther ees comin' ub. Gretchen {very seasick). Vill you dell me vot don't come ub on dis poat. Enter Doctor. Doc. {to Gret.). What's the matter ? Weak stomach ? Gret. Vot for you dink I haf weak stomach? Vosn't I throwing it as hard as anypody ? Fritz. Dat vas one queer ting ! All de passengers vas heaving an' if dot vosn't enough de captain gave de order for de ship to heave too. Doc. (/^Rebecca). How do you feel to-day? Reb. 1 don't feel preddy veil. I haf a horse in my throat. (ffaftd at throat.^ Abra. Dot ish not right. She mean she haf a colt in her head. Doc. {laughing). She must be a horse jockey. A horse in her throat and a colt in her head. {Goes to Pat.) You're not looking very well. Pat. Bejabbers, no, Oi hed sich a headache in the noight thet begorra Oi couldn't lift me head from the piller till Oi hed got up and walked around the room a bit. Doc. Do you ever wash your eyes out ? Pat. Shure, an' Oi do ivery marning. Mich. Howly Moses, how do yez iver git thim in agin ? (Isaac edges up to Doc.) Doc. {to Isaac). What do you want ? Isaac. Vould you gif me anodder eye? Doc. Give you another eye ? Where do you want it ? In the back of your head so you can see the money faster ? Isaac. No, no, I hear der vas one great game in America call dey pasepall but it costs a toUar ter see dey game. Doc. Well, how would another eye help you ? Isaac {holding tip middle finger). I vould like it right on de end of dis finger den I could shoost shove it through the knot-hole in dey fence und see der game for noddings. Doc. Why don't you spend a dollar ? What are you saving your money for, anyway? Isaac. Mine little nephew here he haf a birthday next week und I vant to puy him a present. THE EMIGRANTS PAIiTY II Doc. What are you going to get him — a tricycle? Isaac. How much dey cost? Doc. About twenty dollars. Isaac. Too much money. Doc. Buy him a bicycle then. Isaac. How much dey cost ? Doc. Oh, about fifteen dollars. Isaac. Too much, too much. I tink I vait till de winter and get him an icicle. Reb. Veil, perhaps ve vill wash de windows und let him look out to celebrate. De poor poy ish not very well, doctor. Doc. (examhmig tongue). 1 think he has worms. Abra. Veil, now, Rebecca, you always say, '< Vy ish it ven you go fishing you take Max und not Ikey ? " Reb. Veil, vy ish it ? Abra. Didn't you hear de docther say Max had de vorms, and don't you vant de vorms when you go fishin' ? Alg. Noah couldn't 'ave fished much when 'e was in the hark. Franz. Why ees zat ? Alg. 'E 'ad honly two worms, 'adn't 'e ? Antonio {to Doc). You tola me to putta de musta plasta on my chesta. I have no chesta so 1 putta heem on my trunka. Is data alia righta ? Doc. What was the matter with you ? Antonio. I hava de haya fever. Doc. Hay fever ! Where did you get that ? Antonio. I danca with grassa widow. Doc. Well, when you get ashore you better go to a bath house and buy some bath tickets. You can get ten tickets for a dollar and then you can have ten baths. Antonio. I do notta wanta tenna teeckits. Tenna teeckits lasta tenna year. Perhaps I notta liva tenna year. Jacob. I vent to a bath vonst. Ven I cum home I say to mine vife, ''I haf lost mine vest." '' How did you do so? " she say. '' I don't know, it vas lost in der bath. Ven I dress mineself I could not find it." De next year I go to the bath. I cum home und say to mine vife, ** Vot you dink? I haf found mine vest." "Vere did you find him?" she say. **Unter mine shirt," I tell her, und it vas lost von year und I neffer know ver it vas. Doc. {to Franz). How are you, Franz? Franz. Zee pills you left me, doctaire, I puts zem in zee 12 THE EMIGRANTS PARTY pocket and in zee night I put zee hand in zee pocket and swal- low seex of them so queeck before I find out zay was zee collar-buttons instead of zee pills. Zat is bad. What shall I do, doctaire? Doc. That's all right. You've swallowed the collar-buttons, now just swallow a handful of button-holes and it will fix it. (To Reb,) You seem to be coughing a good deal. (^Thumps her chest a little.') I'm afraid you have pneumonia. A BRA. (wrifigifig hands). You are the most oxtravagant woman I effer see. Vy couldn't you get a less oxpensive dis- ease? Oxtravagant family, her brudder just like her. Isaac. Where is her brudder now ? Abra. He vas deat. Isaac. Vot for he die ? Abra. He vos sick an* ve didn't know vot vas dey truble an' de doctor gife him an examination an' he say he got **a pen on the seatus " und dey got to put him in de hospital und make an operation on him, so dey took him to de hospital und cut him from de stumick to dey back and he didn't find "a pen on the seatus " at all. All dey found vas an absince, und dey sewed him up again mit cord und he die. Den dey put him in a box mit de sign " Opened by mistake " on de out- side. Doc. {to Mich.). Did you take the medicine I told you to? Mich. Shure Oi did, an' Oi thought Oi wuz kilt entoirely. Doc. Did you take just the amount I told you to — ^just what you could put on a dime ? Mich. Oi didn't have a doime — Oi used two nickels histid. Doc. Are you crazy, man? I wonder it didn't kill you. Mich. Shure, Oi thought if Oi wasn't living this marnin' Oi'd be ded. Doc. Weren't you afraid to meet your maker? Mich. No, indade, docther ; it wuz the other gintleman Oi wuz afrade to mate. Gret. {taking Elsa to Doc). I dink mein fraulein look seeck. Doc. {examining Elsa). Looks like measles or mumps. Gret. Vat is de diff'rence between de measle und de mump? Doc. In the mumps you shut up and in the measles you breakout. (Brid. squir7ns about as if in great pain.) Well, well, some one else sick. What is the matter with you ? THE emigrants' PARTY I3 Brid. Shure, docther, Oi swallered a puitaler bug an' Oi luk some parres grane to kill the craytluir but he's still raisin' mischafe insoide of me. Doc. {to Don.). What are you looking so blue about? Don. Rabert here tauld me last nicht tha' I couldna' swaller ae aig withoot braiking the shell. Doc. Did you do it ? Don. I did, an' noow if I jump aboot dirna ye ken I'll braik the shell an' cut me stomach wi' the pieces and if I stay quiait the thing'll hatch cot and I'll have a Shanghai rooster clawing me insides. Doc. I think I'll leave. Too many new diseases for me. [Exit. Antonio (Jo Pat.). I betta youa I coulda swallow youa. Pat. Swaller me ! Bejabbers Oi'd loike to see yez thry it. Antonio. Alia righta. You laya downa on seata, take offa boota. (Pat. does so. Antonio bites Pat.'s toe.) Pat. Och, howly Moses, ye're bolting me. Antonio. Wella, you olda foola, deed you thinka I goa swallow you whola ? I maka youa another betta. I betta I maka youa geet outa chaira before I aska you tvvica. Pat. Oi'U bet yez can't. (Sits in chair.) Antonio. Alia righta. Geeta uppa. Pat. Oi'U not. Antonio. Wella, staya thera till I aska you againa. {Goes off. Laughter.) Remus Strong {to Dinah, who has mirror in hand and is putting stuff on face). Fo de Lo'd ! What you doin' with mah shoe-blackin', Dinah? Dinah. Dis ain't yoah shoe-blackin', you fool niggah. Dis mah massage cream. Chloe. Dah Lo'd shoe-polished me real good 'fore he sent me to yo', didn't he, mammy? Dinah. Doan yo' care, mah honey. Yo's white inside and yo' jest as smart as dat po' white trash. You just show these people how smart you be an' I'll give you something powerful good. Chloe. Will you give me some bread an' 'lasses ? 14- THE EMIGRANTS PARTY Dinah. Yo' mustn't say 'lasses. Yo' must say mo'lasses. Chloe. How's I gwine to say mo'lasses when I ain't had none yet ? Dinah. Tell dese white trash de four seasons an' I'll give you some 'lasses. Chloe {finger in mouth). Pepper, mustard, salt and vinegar. Mrs. F. Shure, she's a dear little craythur. She makes me thoink of me little Annie. Shure, she's the tinder-hearted little gurrl. She'd knock yer brains out wid a lump uv a stone if she saw you just hurtin' a fly. Abra. (Jo Max). Now, Max, you shoost show them how mooch you know. How many vas twice two ? Max. Tervice two ish six. Abra. No, no, six vas too mooch. Max. Don't I know dot, fadder, already some time ago. I shoost said six so dot you could peat me down to four. Jacob. Dot poy vill be a pizness success. Abra. Yes, ven you zell a coat to a man vat vants a coat, dot's noddings, but ven you zell a coat to a man vot don't vant a coat, dot's pizness. You tell him dot coat cost you elefen tollars and you zell it for three. He ask you vy you afford to zell it for three, und you say, " Mine friend t, I zell so many, zat's where I make," and he take the coat. Jacob. I go in the clothing peezness, but I don't know how to make the prices on the bapers vot you put on the clothes. PiETRO Mazetti. Dat maka no diff rence. Maka one dotta lika dis {making dot on paper) for one dolla, two dotta for two dolla and lika thata. I do thata waya. One daya whena I ees awaya from the stora a whila I missa a coata an' I say to my mana, ♦' Whera ees da coata watta hanga on dees hooka?" " Eet is solda," he saya. <*How much mona yougetta?" " Twenty dolla." " No, no, I say dat coata was marka four dolla." "No," he say, **eet was marka twenty dolla." *' Getta tagga," I say. He getta tagga, I looka at it, I smila an' I saya, '' Blessa dat little flya. He maka dos other dotta." Abra. Von day a man shoost prought back a suit of clothes and say dot der buttons come off the first time he vore it. '* Yes," I say, "so many peoples admire dot coat dat you swell mit pride and bust dose buttons off." Den I call to mine vife, " Rebecca, don't let Rachel come out ; dis shentleman looks too enticing in dot new suit of clothes." Den I say, " I THE EMIGRANTS PARTY I5 change it if you vos like " ; but he would not part mit it for noddings. Isaac. It ish hard to blease some beoples. I zell a man a coat for tree tollars. He bring it back and say it was full of moth. I ask him what he oxpect for tree tollars — humming birds ? Jacob. Vot you say if a customer ask you if dos vool clothes will shrink ? Abra. If dey are too beeg for him they vill shrink, if they vos not too beeg they vill not shrink one mite. Isaac. I don't know vat I do mit mineself ven I get to der land. Jacob. 1 know a rich girl vat vants ter get married. Get a path, clean yourself ub und she'll marry you in a minute. Isaac. Y-a-a-s — but subbose I clean mineself ub und she von't marry me. Too beeg a risk, I tink. Mich. Oi'm going to jine the union. Pat. The union ! An' phwat is thet ? Mich. Shure, yez pay so much a wake an' if you don't like yer job yez just quit yer wurrk an' all the others will stop out of sympathy wid yez. Pat. How do yez git their sympathy so aisy ? Mich. That's aisily done. We ax a phrenologist phwat part av the head has the bump of sympathy an' thin we jist go at thim wid clubs an' make the bump very big. Mrs. F. a foine way an' it must be a foine counthry. Phwat koind of wurrk do yez be doin', Moike? Mich. Oi wurrk on the strate. Shure there's lots of folks thet loive in foine houses thot dig in the strates loike mesilf and they're afther bein' so proud uv it thot they put their name on a board forninst their house with M. D. after it. At first I couldn't understand phwat it meant, so I in- quired uv a gintleman an' he smoiled like every tiling an', says he, M. D., mud-digger of course, so bejabbers Oi jist went home an' put me name on a board with M. D. afther it and put it out forninst me house. Ain't I jist as good a mud- digger as anny wan of thim ? Antonio. I stucka in de mudda onca. Mich. How fur in wuz yez ? Antonio. Uppa to mya knee. Mich. Why didn't yez v/alk out ? Antonio. No, no, I canna walka out. I wronga enda uppa. 1 6 THE EMIGRANTS* PARTY Mich. Oi fell into a deep hole onct. The boss called down, ''Arrah, Moike, are yez kilt entoirely ? If ye* re dead, spake." *'No," says Oi, ''Oi'm not dead, but Oi'm spach- less." '' Who'll we sind to brake the news gradual to your paypil?" says he. ''Sind Hooligan, he'll do it gradual," says Oi. " Do ye moind how he stutters ? " James. How mooch do ye airn the day ? Mich. Three dollars. James. How mooch the week ? Mich. Three dollars. James. I thooght ye ha' three dollars the day? Mich. Shure Oi did. Wan day a wake is enough to wurk. Don. Dinna ye ken, mon, thot ye aight to puit the dillers in the bank ? Mich. If Oi put my money in the bank whin cud Oi draw it out agin ? Fritz. If you pud it in to-day you vos can get it to-morrow by giving a fordnight's notice. Abra. Ven I get married I gife mein vife a bank and I say, '* Efery time I kiss you, Rebecca, I vill gife you a toUar, so efery time 1 kiss her I pud a dollar in her bank. When we open de bank I find two dollar and four fife dollar bills, und I say, "Rebecca, how ees dis? I only gif you a tollar at a time." " Yes, but odder beoples are not so stingy like you vos," she dell me. Pat. Oi hev a paper. Oi think Oi'U be seeing if anny- body is looking fur me to wurrk for them. (^Reads from paper.) " Oi hev two noice airy bedrooms for gintlemen twenty-two fate long an* ten fate wide." Begorra, they must be giants in this counthry we're a-comin' to. {Reads.) " Wanted, a bright smart young man to be partly outside the store and partly behind the counter." Mrs. F. Shure, Oi'm thoinkin' it's a quare counthry. Partly outsoide the store and partly behind the counter. Don't yez go to thot place, Pat; they moight be cutting yez in two paces. Pat. (reading). Widdy in very comfortable circumstances wishes to marry at onct two sons. Franz. Eet ees zee Mormon. Pat. Here's a chance for yez, Bridget. (Reads.) A farmer wants a woman to wash, iron and milk two cows. Brid. Shure, an' Oi'll not take that job. Oi'm willin' to THE EMIGRANTS PARTY I7 milk the craytheis but Oi'm not willin' to wash an' iron thim. It's strange notions they do be havin' in this counthry. Pat. How would yez loike this? {Reads.^ A woman for light house work. Brid. Ain't a lighthouse wan of thim staples on a rock? Oi'd be afrade Oi couldn't git ashore fur me Thursdays. Pat. Here's a job fur yez, Frenchy. {Reads.) Man wanted to bite the wings off of flies and sell them for currants. Thot would be a foine job. Franz. Yes, eet ees good. Pat. Here is a job for yez, Heaton. Alg. What his hit? Pat. {reading). Wanted, a kitchen oculist. Alg. What his that ? A kitchen oculist ? Pat. Bejabbers, it must be wan thot digs the oiyes out uv purtaters. {Reads.) Wanted, a man with a wooden leg to mash purtaters. Raieigh, you kin take thot and kape Heaton company in the kitchen. {Reads.) Wanted, a barber who will shave wan soide fur five cents. Fritz. Von side ? Vich side ? Pat. The outsoide, uv course. Fritz. I vos goin' to make de sausage in Ameriky. Rob. You canna maik sausage a dog would eat, mon. Fritz. De sausage it all right. Noddings matter mit sausage only dog von't eat dog, see? Kat. Be sure to kill your dogs first, Fritz. You remember dot time you machine it squeak and groan and squeal an' dey policeman come in and dell you, '' Hey, Fritz, dos sausage vill 1)6 shoost so goot eef you vill kill de dogs before you vos grind them." Mrs. F. Shure, Oi'm hoping to git some washin' to take in. Do yez know, Moike, where Mrs. Finnegan who used to i'live in Tipperary is loiving now? She wrote me she'd be aflher gitting me some washing. Mich. Mrs. Finnegan, the wash woman ? Mrs. F. The same wan. Mich. I don't know where she loives but she hangs out on Water Street. Pat. We'll hev to be foinding a pig first thing an' Oi'll hev to get some boards an' build a pigstye under de parlor window. Franz. Zat ees one quaire place to build zee pigstye. Why do you put eet zair ? l8 THE EMIGRANTS* PARTY Pat. To kape the pig in, uv course. Abra. Shoost save de money, mine friendt, don't puild dot pigstye. Pat. Phwat will Oi do ? Abra. Shoost tie a knot in de pig's tail and dot vill be a pig's tie, von't it? Pat. Begorry, Oi'll do it. The Jews are wan smart people. They know how to save the money. Abra. I dells you anodder way to save de money. Pat. Phwat's thot ? Abra. Shoost get a house near de railroad track, go out efery day und make faces like dot. {Makes up face.) Dat engineer he get mad, throw coal at you. You go pick it up, you don't haf to puy coal to burn. Pat. That's a foine idee but Oi niver could make up such a face as that. {Makes up numerous faces.) Oi'm afrade Oi can't wurrk thot. Remus. Mah cousin said he'd get mah a job as a diamond cutter. Hans. You vouldn't know how vos to cut diamonts. Remus. I sure does. Doan I know how to cut grass ? Hans. Grass vas not diamonts. Remus. But they's grass on a baseball diamond, ain't they, so doan I cut da diamond ? Brid. Begorra, Oi wisht Oi hed a place. Julia, me cousin, tells me uv so miny quare doin's uv her mistriss thot me heart is in me mouth entoirely. She ses as how her mistriss is thot fond of rading thet she ivin cooks out uv a book. She tould her wan day to cook the mate in the spider an' the poor gurrl spint a whole hour down in the cellar among the cobwebs before she cud foind wan big enough, an' she jist got to her wurrk whin thot mistriss called an' axed her would she bring in a cricket so out she wint and hunted and hunted but nary a wan could she foind so she wint in an' axed if anny other boog would do ; she cud get a grasshopper aisy. An' phwat do yez think it wuz she wanted all the toime? Jist a little stool. Such hay- then ish names. And the spider, would yez belave it, was a kittle. Mrs. F. Och, Bridget, Oi'm afrade we'll be sorry we lift ould Ireland. You'll be missing yer fine beaus. Brid. Julia says whiniver I git lonesome fur gintlemin's society, to pour plinty of coffee grounds down the sink poipes an' it will sthop up the poipes. THE emigrants' partv 19 Kat, Vot for you do dot ? Brid. Shure, she says, thin the niistriss has to send for a plumber an' a carpenter an' ye're shure of gintlemin's company fur the nixt few days. Gret. Vos de black ants make trouble in Ameriky ? Brid. No, but 1 hear the white uncles do. Oh, the mis- trisses do be foinding a lot uv fault. Julia said she made some foine lukin' poies wid a pretty mark all round the edge and the loidy say, '♦ Where did you git thet pretty design thot you mark the pies wid, Julia? " " Indade, ma'am, Oi jist done it wid me tathe," an' would you belave it the mistriss wuz thot mad she ordered her to remove it from the table at wanst and they had a table full uv company, too. Thin she says to Julia, <♦ You may bring in the nuts if you have cracked them." " Yis, ma'am," says Julia, rale peaceful loike, " Oi've cracked all but thim big walnuts an' it'll take stronger jaws than mine to manage thim, but Oi got the others cracked wid me tathe all right," and thin she was mad agin. Thin she's always axin' Julia if they's nails in her shoes, till Julia says wan morn- ing, '' If you plaze, ma'am, there is nails in me shoes." " What kind of nails?" ses she. ''Toe-nails," ses Julia. Whist! here's the captain wid wan uv thim swell loidies now. Enter Captain and Susanne Smythe. Capt. This is the quarter-deck. Sus. Oh, indeed, have you no fifty cent deck ? What a shame! {Grabs Capt.'s arm.) Oh, didn't the boat strike something then ? Will we go down ? Capt. Can't say as to that, ma'am. Depends on the kind of a life you've led. Jacob. Mine koodness ! Ish de ship going to sink ? Abra. Veil, let it sink. Vot do we care? Ve don't own it. After all life is bud a dream. Isaac. Nod much id aind. In efery dream I efer had I vas gettin' more money den I could spend. Capt. (Jo Sus.). You never saw a clock like this before. It will run three months without winding. Ferd. Christo-Colombo, I vonder how long de clocka would runna if itta was wounda uppa. Capt. And this picture is a work of art ; it cost five hun- dred dollars. Sus. How lovely ! Abra. Imbossible ! Dat picture no more den ten inches 20 THE EMIGRANTS PARTY vide and I got mine whole store front bainted for four toUars und a haf. Fkanz. Why do zee captaine take zee long, long step ? James. To save his shoes, rnon ! Reb. {with Max by hand going to Capt.). Vot time de train leave for Kansas ? Capt. Five o'clock. (Reb. and Max sit down.) Pat. (to Capt.). How fur is it to Truro? Capt. Twenty miles. Pat. Faith, we'll niver be able to walk there the day. Mrs. F. Och, Pat, shure thot's not much. Twinty moiles; that's only tin apiece ; we kin do thot aisy. (Reb. and Max agaifi go up to Capt.) Reb. Vot time de train leave for Kansas ? Capt. I told you five o'clock. (Reb. and Max sit down again.) Did you people hear the thunder in the night? Mich. Did it railly thunder ? Pat. It thundered as if hivin an* airth would come to- gether. Mich. Why didn't ye wake me thin for you know Oi can't slape a wink whin it thunders. (Reb. and Max again go to Capt.) Reb. Vot time de train leave for Kansas ? Capt. {angrily). That's the third time you've bothered me asking the same question. Now, don't bother me again. Reb. I vouldn't pother you so much, but leetle Max here he say you move your mouth so funny he like to hear you say it. Dinah {with envelope and stamp in hand). Do Ah put this stamp on maself ? Capt. No, you'd better put it on the envelope. Alg. His the train to Burlington halways behind time ? Capt. No, it is usually behind the engine. Sus. I've been invited to go sailing this summer and I'm going to buy a lot of starboard and port tacks to take with me. They seem to use so many of that kind of tacks on yachts. \_Exeunt Capt. and Sus. Franz. Zee time ees so long, I zay let us have one concert THE EMIGRANTS PARTY 21 to make zee time to fly. Let us seeng, let us dance, let us speak zee piece. Fkitz. Dot vos one goot idee. Pat. Bejabbers, jist the thing ! Ed. You be master hof ceremonies, Frenchy. Franz. Zee maistaire of zee ceremony. What ees zat ? Ed. Hask the folks to speak, to sing, to dance. Franz. I will do zat with pleasaire. (Franz asks differefit ones to si/ig, dance, etc. Emigrants clap performej's, make remarks between selections, etc. The following program is simply a suggestion and may be varied or changed e?itirely. Other suggestions are to be found in the front part of the book.') Program for Concert Irish Song. The Harp That Once Through Tara's Halls. Spanish Recitation. Christo Colombo. Darky Banjo Song. Way Down Upo?t De Swanee River. Dance. Highland Fling, or Scottish Folk Da7ice. Irish Recitation. Mr. Dooley on the Grip. Violin Solo. Hebrew. Italian Recitation. {^Man with haiid organ, girl with tam- bourine.') Da Strit Fianna. Dance. Irish Jig, or Irish Folk Dance. Darky Lullaby. {Colored wofnan with baby.) IVaitin* for the Moon. Irish Recitation. {Woman.) Bridget Mc Fine, Spanish Song. A Spanish Cavalier. Japanese Fan Drill. Scotch Song. Annie Laurie. German Folk Dance. Dutch Recitation. Sockerfs Kadacut Kat. French Song. The Marseillaise. Darky Cake Walk. English Song. Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes. Hans {looking out of windo7v). Here ve vos in dot harbor at last. Och, mein cracious, look at dot beeg puilding. I vish I own dot puilding. Fritz. If you did, vould you gif me haf ? Hans. No, I vould not ; you can make your own vishes. 12 THE emigrants' PARTY Pat. Look at the litters on it. I. O. O. F. Phwat does thim litters mane ? Mich. I. O. O. F. Shure, it must be the height of the building. loo fate. Pat. Uv course. {Excitedly.') Bejabbers, will yez look at thot thing ? Mich. They do be callin' thot an electric car. Pat. Wid no horses to pull it ! Bejabbers, the Ould Nick himsilf must be pullin' it wid a stroing. Franz. And what ees zat zing ? Mich. They call thim things automobiles. Shure an' yez want ter look out sharp for thim too. I wuz standin' near the car track wan day whin I saw wan of thim bastely things comin' up the strate, so I stipped to wan soide, out uv the way, and the front of it wint by me all right, but the back of it swung round and knocked me down. Now, phwat do yez thoink of thot ? Whin yez stand in front uv thim they run over yez an' whin yez git out of the way to let thim pass, they turn around an' kick yez. PiETRO. I fraida to goa on dat landa. Mich. Onct I wuz in wan of thim wid the boss whin it run over a man an' a strame uv blue cum runnin' out of him. "Oh, begorra," says Oi, "it'll go harrud wid us. We've killed wan of thim blue-blooded Yankees." We jumped out quick and found he wasn't hurt at all, at all, had only broke a bottle of blueing he hed in his pocket ; but bejabbers it give me wan turrible froight, I wuz that afraid it wuz his blue blood. Enter Capt., Doc, Inspector, Policemen. (Inspector has large sheets of paper ^ examines tag on each ifnmigrant and compares with his paper. Doc. goes around loo ki fig at eyes, skin, etc., for symptoms of dis- ease. Capt. and Doc. sign the Inspector's large paper. Immigrants crowd up with their numerous bundles. Policemen drive them back repeatedly. Stowaway, a London chimney sweep, appears, also Chinaman who tries to keep out of sight.) Capt. {to Stow.). Where did you come from, you young rascal ? Stow. Hi was behind the pork barrel 'iding. Capt. What am I going to do with you ? Take you back with me ? THE EMIGRANTS PARTY 23 Stow. Please, Mister Captain, don't take me back. Mrs. F. The poor crayther is wake from hunger. Here {giving boy a chunk of bread) take this, me bye, an' Oi'ni thinkin' the koind-hearted captain will let yez land wid the rist uv us. Inspector (Jo Hans). Name ? Hans. Hans Grimm. Inspector. Married ? Hans. Yes. Inspector. Any children? Hans. Elefen. Ten lifing und von married. Inspector (writing). Let me see, this is the thirtieth ? Hans (who has Elsa by hand). No, no, I shoost dell you I haf elefen children. Dis is der elefenth one. Inspector. I meant the thirtieth of the month. (Inspector runs over paper quickly saying, " light hair, blue eyes, five feet ten inches,'" etc., co7isulting tag which they have on and cot7iparing for idetitification.') Doc. (to Dinah). Open your mouth and let me see your throat. (Dinah opens mouth very wide.) You needn't open it so wide. I intend to stay outside. You're all right. (Passes on to others.) Inspector (to Abra.). Name ? Abra. Abraham Goldstein. Inspector. This your wife ? Abra. Yes, dot ish mine vife. Inspector. She's not very beautiful. Abra. Mine vife ish not beautiful weezout, but she ish beautiful weezin. Antonio. Why notta turna her insida outa thena ? Abra. Beauty ish only skin deep. Franz. You might skeen her zen. Inspector. What is your boy's name? Abra. Max. Inspector. Why do you call him Max? Abra. Veil, because dot ish his name. Inspector. He's a bright looking boy. (fTo Max.) You may be president of this country some day. Every boy here has an equal chance. You have your chance. Max. Mister, I vill sell you mine chance for a quarter. 24 THE EMIGRANTS PARTY Inspector. What, wouldn't you like to be president ? Max. I vould radder pe der secretary of de treasury. (Policeman /w/i" arm around 'Qkid.') Inspector {to Brid.). Why do you let that policeman put his arm around you ? Brid. Shure, it's aginst the law to resist an officer, ain't it? Inspector {to Franz). Married ? Franz. I am goeeng to meet zee bride in zis country. Inspector. Been married before ? Franz. Seex times. Inspector. Six times ! That's a good many times. Franz. Yes, if zee Lord will take zem I will furnish zem. Inspector. I think you act crazy. Franz. No, no, not crazy. Zee trouble ees my last wife make me sleep under zee crazy quilt. Inspector (reading). Condition of health. Have you any disease ? Franz. I walk in zee sleep. Policeman. Begorry, Oi wisht me brother could. He'd be on the force now. Inspector (to Fritz who has on very short pants). Guess there's been a death in your family. Fritz. No, der vos not. Inspector. What are you wearing your pants at half mast for tlien ? You must be going to college. What is your occu- pation ? Fritz. Sailor. Inspector. Sailor? I don't believe you were ever on a ship. Fritz. Vot for you tink I valk over from Germany? Inspector (consulting paper). I see you have been in jail. What for? Fritz. Veil, it was shoost like dis. The pig took upon him to sleep in mine garden for three nights und I shoost took him for room rent. Inspector. Would it hurt your feelings if I should tell you that you lie? Fritz. It vould not hurt mine feelings but it might hurt mine knuckles. Doc. (to Fritz). Your clothes need washing. Fritz. I haf a suit of clothes for efery day in the year. Doc. Where ? THE emigrants' PARTY I5 Fritz. Dis is it I haf on. Doc. {examirmig nose). Your nose is frozen. I don't know as I can let you land. Fritz. Och, mine koodness ! I haf carry dot nose fordy year unt he nefer freeze hisself before. I no understand dis thing. Inspector {toMxoi.). Married? Mich. Yis, but Oi've lift the ould woman in the ould counthry. Inspector. You'll miss her very much, won't you? Mich. Oi'm going to buy a bulldog and he'll growl all the toime so it will same jist like havin' the ould woman. Inspector {consiiliing paper'). Red hair. You ought to make a good soldier. Mich. Why would Oi make a good soldier ? Inspector. Because you're *'Reddy." {Looks at Mich.'s eye.) Mich. Phwat are yez lookin' at ? Inspector. Nothing. Mich. Thin ye' 11 foind it in the jug where the whiskey was. Inspector. What is your eye in mourning for ? Mich. For Kiley. Inspector. Is he dead ? Mich. Shure, he will be the nixt time Oi git a chance at him. He's the wan thot give me the black oiye. Inspector {to Brid.). That's a fine hat you have on, but it's so high I can hardly see the top of the ship. Brid. Shure, if yez see the bill thot come wid it. It's so hoigh yez couldn't see the skoie. Inspector (reading from paper). Complexion, hair, eyes, bust Brid. Bust ! What bust ? Shure Oi dunno. Oi didn't hear annything bust. Inspector. This evidence shows that you threw a stone at a policeman. Brid. Begorra, it shows more than thot. It shows Oi hit him. Mrs. F. Shure, an' that policeman wuz a brick. Brid. Then bejabbers Oi wuz a bricklayer. I knocked him flat. Inspector. Where are you going ? Brid. {wi?iking at others). Oi'm goin' to git married. 26 THE EMlGRAN'i'S PAR./ Inspector. Where is the man you are to marry going to meet you ? Brid. {aside to others). Jist watch me fool him. (7)? In- spector.) At the praste's. Inspector. Where does he live? Do you know hovv to find his house ? J^KiD. Me Cousin Julia tould me jist hovv to git to it. She sed you walk up the strate til you cum to a strame, over the broidge until yez cum to a road that woinds around a store but not to take that strate, thin go on till Oi cum to a pig-pen shingled wid sthraw, thin turn the strate round the falde and go on till I cum to a big house, where a road runs into the woods and don't take that strate, thin go on till Oi meet a hay- stack and the next is a barn. He don't loive there but go a little further an' Oi'd see a house on top of a hill about two miles away and if Oi go in thot house an' ask the ould woman that loives there she could till me better than she could. So Oi'U foind him aisy. Inspector. All right. Pass on. (7^? Mrs. F.) How old are you ? Mrs. F. How ould am Oi ? It's none uv yez business how ould Oi am. Oi suppose ye'd like ter ax if Oi have false tathe, if me husband bates me, if Oi droink, whot size shoes Oi ware, if Oi'm wan uv thim millionyaires and a lot uv other fool ques- tions. Inspector {to Doc). How old should you say she was? Doc. To her face or behind her back ? Inspector {to Pat., who has a pipe in his mouth). You're not allowed to smoke here. Pat. Oi'm not smoking. Inspector. You have a pipe in your mouth. Pat. Shure Oi have fate in me shoes, but Oi'm not walkin'. Inspector. How many children ? Pat. Fifteen. They are cumin' over in the nixt boat. Inspector. You have a pretty big family to support ? Pat. Oi hov thot; an' if they didn't all airn their own livin' Oi couldn't support thim at all, at all. Begorry, there's wan thing Oi'd loike to see before Oi lave this boat. Oi'd loikc to see the man thot swings thot pick. Inspector. What pick do you mean ? Pat. Thot pick over forninst. Inspector. That's the anchor. THE EMIGRANTS PARTY 27 Pat. Och, begorry, Oi thought it wuz a pick. Inspector {to Pat., who is loaded with bundles'). Why don't you buy a trunk ? Pat. Phwat should Oi buy a trunk fur ? Inspector. To put your clothes in. Pat. To put me clothes in ? An' go naked ? Niver a bit uv it will Oi do at all, at all. Inspector {spying Chinaman). Here, you Chinaman, you'll have to go back. No Chinaman allowed in this coun- try. Mrs. F. The Chinese are haythens. Shure, Oi do be rading thot they lit the gurrl babies loive six wakes, thin they take thim down to the river and fade thim to the lobsters. Alg. They do woise than that hin this country. Here they let them grow up hand then give them to the lobsters. (Chinaman recites ^^John Chinaman' s Protest " while In- spector and Doc. are looking over the rest of the passen- gers.') Capt. All ready to land. {Girl dressed as Columbia, redy white and blue costume with gold crotun^ appears. Stands in centre of stage while all unite in singing ^^ Star Spa?igled Banner.^') Pass out this way. (Policemen keep people in li?ie as they pass out of door over which is draped an Atnerican flag. The men all remove their hats as they pass under the flag.) CURTAIN DEC 6 1913 New Publications PIECES PEOPLE LIKE Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic and Dramatic Selections in Prose and Poetry for Reading and Recitation One hundred selections in prose and verse by Chauncey M. Depew, Col. John Hay, Hezekiah Butterworth, James Russell Lowell, John Boyle O'Reilly, Robert G. Ingersoll, Bill Nye, James Whitcomb Riley, T. W. Higginson, W. H. Seward, Clement Scott, Joaquin Miller, E. C. Stedman, Brander Matthews, John G. Saxe, Joel Benton, Charles FoUen Adams and others. 214 pages. Price y 2^ cents BAKER'S COMIC AND DIALECT SPEAKER Readings and Recitations for School or Platform in Negro and Irish Dialect One hundred and forty-three selections in prose and verse by Irwin Russell, Joel Chandler Harris, M. Quad, Mark Twain, Detroit Free Press, Texas Siftings, R. H. Stoddard, Samuel Lover, " Life," Joaquin Miller, Capt. Marryat, Cormac O'Leary, W. W. Fink, Margaret Ey tinge, Wm. B. Fowle, Mark Melville, T. N. Cook, Lizzie N. Champney and others. 262 pages. Price i 25 cents CLUB AND LODGE-ROOM ENTER- TAINMENTS For Floor or Platform Use Comprising ; " A Ribbon Race," any number, males and females ; " A Variety Contest," any number, males and females ; " The Shamrock Min- strels," four males, three females; "Apollo's Oracle," any number, males and females; " Plantation Bitters," nine males, eight females ; " Gulliver and the Lilliputians Up To Date," ten males ; " Dame History's Peep- Show," any number ; " The Broom Drill," sixteen characters, male or female or both. 160 pages. Pricey 2$ cents Sent post-paid on receipt of price by Walter H. Baker & Co., 5 Hamilton PlaCflJ BOSTON. MASS. New Plays THE VILLAGE SCHOOL MA'AM A Play in Three Acts By Arthur Lewis Tubbs Author of ** Valley Farm,'' ''Willowdale,'' ''The Country Minister^ « The Penalty of Pride y' ''Miss Buzbfs Boarders," etc. Six males, five females. Costumes modern ; scenes an interior and an exterior, or can be played in two interiors. Plays two hours or more. An excellent comedy-diama, combining a strongly sympathetic dramatic interest with an unusual abundance of genuine and unforced comedy. The parts are unusually equal in point of interest and opportunity, are genuine types of rural character, truly and vigorously drawn and easily actable. No dialect parts, but plenty of variety in the comedy roles and lots of amusing incident. An exceptionally entertaining piece, full of move- ment and action, and without a dull moment Can be strongly recommended. Price 2^ cents CHARACTERS Richard Elliot, storekeeper and postmaster, James B. Graham, a commercial traveller. Rev. Mr. Flick, the village parson. Hosea Clegg, who belongs to the G. A. R. Sam Alcott, tvho has a more than better half, TA.T),just a boy. Sylvia Lennox, the village school-ma'' am. Ida May Alcott, who has had advantages. Mrs. ki.COTT , her proud mamma — somewhat forgetful, Elvira Pratt, a dressmaker. PosiE, who was born tired. SYNOPSIS Act I. — In front of the store and post-office on a morning in August. Act II. — Same as Act I, the middle of the same afternoon. If more convenient, these two acts may be played as an interior scene with very few changes of " business " and dialogue, the stage being set in that case IS the inside of the store, with counter, post-office boxes, etc. Act III. — The home of the Alcotts, three days later. THE SUBSTANCE OF AMBITION A Drama in One Act By Mariejosephine Warren Three males, one female. Scene, an interior ; costumes modern. Playt twenty minutes. A sketch of compelling dramatic interest by the author of "The Elopement of Ellen." A serious piece of high clgss that can »-- -«^r,mfl3iended. Price ij cents. New Plays THE COLONEL'S MAID A Comedy in Three Acts By C. Leona Dalrymple Author of<*The Time of His Life;' *^The Land of Night;' etc. Six males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. An exceptionally bright and amusing comedy, full of action ; all the parts good. Capital Chinese low comedy part ; two first-class old men. This is a very exceptional piece and can be strongly recommended. Pricey 2j cents CHARACTERS Colonel Robert Rudd, a widower of ) North Carolina \ ,, Colonel Richard Byrd, a widower \ mortally antagonistic. of South Carolina J Marjorie Byrd ) Bob Rudd f ^^^ ^^ antagonistic as their respective fathers. Mrs. J. John Carroll, a widow, and Colonel Rudd's sister^ in-law. TuLiA Carroll, her daughter. Ned Graydon, a youn^ gentletnan of exceedingly faulty memory. Mr. James Baskom, Colonel Rudd' s lawyer. Ching-ah-ling, the Chinese cook, a bit impertinent but by far the. most important individual in the cast. SYNOPSIS Act I.— Early morning in the kitchen of the Rudd bachelor establishment. Act II.— The Rudd hbrary, five days later. Act III. — The same. Evening of the same day. BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT A Farce in One Act By W. C. Parker Two males, one female. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays twenty minutes. A quick playing little piece suitable for vaudeville use. Very bright and snappy and strongly recommended. PricCy 75 cents A PAPER MATCH A Farce in One Act By E. W. Burt, M. D. Two males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays thirty-five minutes. Four rustic characters, all good. The heroine ad- vertises for a husband and gets her aunt's old beau to their mutual horror, Very funny, easy and effective Price^ ij; cents New Plays THE TWIG OF THORN An Irish Fairy Play in Two Acts By Marie Josephine Warren Author of ** The Elopement of Ellen,'' ''Tonwiys Wife*' '^Endymion^" etc. Six males, seven females. Costumes, Irish peasant ; scene, an interior. Plays an hour and a half. A little play of strong dramatic interest and quite exceptional charm of style and imaginative power, ideally suited for school performance. A close and accurate study of Irish folk-lore in the manner of Yeats, closely rivaling him in truth of atmosphere and in poetic Quality. Highly recommended both as drama and as literature. Price, in cloth binding, 50 cents THE SENTIMENTAL SARAHl^i A Farce-Comedy in Three Acts By Harold Hale Author of "The Best Man,'' '*A Tax on Bachelors," **The Plundering Mr. Brown," " The People's Money," etc. Five males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scene, a sir gle interior. Plays one hour and forty minutes. A bright and amusing play vi^ith a very even cast of characters. Lots of incident and plenty of action. The lead- ing parts are \.vjq sentimental old maids, but their adventurer are merely funny and never mavy^kish. Professional stage rights reserved but free for amateur performance. Pricey 25 cents A ROW AT THE RUGGLES A Comedy in One Act By Harold Hale Tvjro males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an eat.y W>t(*v^or. Plays thirty minutes. A very vivacious and entertaining little piece telling a story of life during the honeymoon period, full of laughs and human ii* terest. Easy, bright, up to date and generally to be recommended. Price, IS cents UP AGAINST IT A Farce in One Act By Innis Gardner Osborn Five males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy interior. Plays twenty-five minutes. A rapid and laughable complication of the vaudeville order with a cast of very even opportunity. An admirable colored character part, a " tough " young man and a burlesque old maid ; Other parts straight. Easy and effective ; can be recommended. Price f i^ cents B. UJ. Pmero's Plays Price, 50 Cents €acb Min THANNFl Pl-iy in Four Acts. Six males, five females. lUlLr-VlIrliiliLiLi Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two and a half hours. THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH ^^r'^^.Z males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening. THF PRflFTirATF Playln Four Acts. Seven males, five * "^ * IWl LilVJrt 1 Li females. Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THf QrHfini MIQTDFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, iriEi i3\^nWULilTIIDlIV£ii3i3 seven females. Costumes, mod- ern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY ^lirl^^JiXi females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. ^WFFT ! AVFlSinFR Comedv in Three Acts. Seven males, OllLiLil Lit\y LiiMJLiR. four females. Scene, a single interior, costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF THITWriFPRniT Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, iriEi inUilLF£.I\DULil nine females. Scenery, three interi- ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF TIMF^ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. *nCi 1 llTlLiO Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. mWFAKTR QFY comedy in" Three Acts. Eight males. fV £ix\lv£ilv iJ£