PS 2698 
 .R33 S4 
 Copy 1 
 
 A Scrap of grown Paper, 
 
 SEMO-COMIC DRAMA 
 
 IN FOUR ACTS 
 
 BY 
 
 )). A. REYNOLDS, 
 
 AUTHOR OK 
 
 faolveiton, or The Modern Arena," "At Heaven's Window 
 -Tangled Live*," "Political Intrigue -etc. 
 
 D. A. Reynolds & Co., Publishers, 
 Lansing, Mich. 
 
{ 
 
 Scrap of grown Paper, 
 
 SEEIO-COMIO DEAI1 
 
 IN FOUR ACTS 
 
 BY 
 
 D. A. REYNOLDS 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 Wolverton, or The Modern Arena," 11 "At Heaven ? s Window.- 1 
 "Tangled Lives, 1 ' etc. 
 
 1892 
 I). A. Reynolds & Co., Publishers. 
 Lansing, Mich. 
 

 'A? 
 
 4? 
 
 ■ 
 
 ^<ty> 
 
 V 
 
 NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT. 
 Tbis Drama is fully protected by copyright in the United States, and for- 
 eign application tiled. Notice of copyright has also been filed under the 
 titles of "A Bit of Brown Paper," "A Piece of Brown Paper." etc.. beside 
 copyrighting a large portion of the advertising matter. All violations of 
 said copyrights will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. The Drama 
 was written under a conditional lease for five years, but may be produced 
 upon royalty through the mutual consent of leasee and the author. 
 
 D. A. Reynolds. 
 
SYNOPSIS OF ACTS. 
 
 ACT I.— Calling to supper— A hot day— Letter from Tom— A 
 mishap— Goin' t<» York— Doing the churning— Setting the Ham- 
 burgs— A "misfit" Scene 2— Streets of New York— Dempsy 
 discovers an heiress— Lillian's dream— Andy's prescription— Andy 
 becomes musical— A lover's quarrel— Passion's slave— Kate Field's 
 shivery. Scene 3— Mrs. Gibbon's parlor— Lillian's betrothal- 
 Mary Ann expects company — A faithful spy— A seasoned kiss— 
 "Ye'vebin kalsomining yer face, Mary Ann"- Abduction of the 
 heiress, Lillian Fairehild. 
 
 ACT II— Near Union Depot— Mr. and Mrs. Weed reach New 
 York—Mrs. Weed discovers a real dude— Flirting under difficulties 
 
 — Jack Dempsy 's new plot— An unwilling tool— Automatic broom 
 factory— u Hoi gh livin' is it?"— Timothy Weed on "Kingsbury" 
 rules— A u Galavanting old duffer." Scene 2— A lover's anguish 
 —Andy's new master- -"Lit me spit on me- chip"— A hint of Lil- 
 lian's captor— Dempsy 's rage— "This thing talks widout spakin'" 
 Timothy Weed's "store clos' "—A bountiful harvest— Stub on pat- 
 ent leather— Off for the search. Scene 8 — Lillian's captivity— 
 The haunted chamber — Bread and water -Lillian's anguish — Kate 
 Field's confessh n— Dempsy's rage— Lillian's defiance— One hope — 
 A scrap of brown paper. 
 
 ACT III.— Trapping a Yankee- -"Guess I'll take beer"— 
 How to treat a lady — A new visitor— Bill Skinner's boy — Drugging 
 the wine — Better than new milk — A scrap of brown paper — The 
 deed of Weed's Hollar— "Shoot Burgoyne, yer gun aint loaded." 
 
 je 2— A musical dude— Andy's contempt— A bad cold in the 
 head— The dude in a shower- Mary Ann's jealousy— An impromp- 
 tu duel — A good umbrella— Finding a scrap of brown paper. 
 Hcene a— Dempsy "s determination— Kate Field's defiance and 
 resolution— Dempsy *s oath of vengence— "Strike, coward, if you 
 dare!"— A frightened dude— "Only rlirtin' a little me darlint"— 
 Song: "Oi will an' Oi wont."— An alarm of fire— Lillian in the 
 llames Tom Weed to the rescue— Arson and murder. 
 
 ACT I V.— Tom Weed's home— Mary Ann's soliloquy— Andy 
 returns— "Scare me agin"— "Yer chicken is burnin' me darlint."— 
 After the wish-bone— Home from church— The husband's welcome 
 
 — Timothy Weed's proposal — The Dude and Kate Field as home 
 missionaries— Andy's courage and long knife— The "Funny Musk" 
 — Jack Dempsy's vengence— Dempsy in the toils— A scrap of brown 
 paper. 
 
 PROPERTIES. 
 Extra large dinner horn, rake, whip, wash-dish, bench, baking 
 dish, churn, headless barrel, table, chairs and sewing machine. 
 
OAST OF CHABx\CTERS. 
 
 iAiAAAK FAI&CHIL.D, A sewing girl- Heiress. 
 
 TOU WEED, A rising young New York business man. 
 Timothy Weed, A wealthy Vermont farmer, 
 Jack Dempsy, An unscrupulous attorney. 
 Andy Magin, A Happy Irishman. 
 
 * James Dorsey, An Irish farm hand. 
 Augustus Stebbins, A musical New York dude. 
 Stub, A news boy. 
 
 Mariah Weed, Wile of Timothy Weed. 
 Kate Field. A fallen woman. 
 Mary Ann. A domestic. 
 "Mrs. Gibbons, A matron. 
 
 Officers and Servants. 
 
 * Doubles. 
 
 fX)STU MES: 
 Lillian Fairchild, Act 1, 2 and 3, Sewing girl; 4 Bridal Robes, 
 Tom Weed, 1, 2 and 3. Business Suit; 4, Full Dress. 
 Timothy Weed, LI Scene 1, Act III Scene 1 and Act IV, Kxtrav" 
 igantly dressed in u loud store close i: ' that are too short and small 
 high stand-up collar, etc. All other scenes, attired in loose fitting 
 farmers habit. 
 
 Mariar Weed, Act I, As farmers wife; All other scenes, extrav- 
 igantly dressed in loud collars. 
 
 Augustus Stebbins dude outfit, including cane and umbrella 
 Other costumes immaterial. 
 
 ACTS AND SCENES. 
 Act 1 Scene 1, Full Stage, farm; 2, ^ Stage, Street; 3, Full, parlor. 
 Act II Scene 1, Full Stage, Street; 3, % Stage, Street: 3, Full, dungeon. 
 Act III, Scene 1, Full Stage, Saloon; 2, J Stage, Street; 3, Full St. 
 Act IV Scene 1, Full Stage. Tom Weed's home. 
 
A Scrap- of Brown Paper. 
 
 Scene "i. — Yard in rear of farm house — Full stage, house P. 
 Enters Mrs. Weed from house P, with large dinner horn, attired in 
 kitchen habit. 
 
 Mrs. W. [Looking L 3) I swan to goodness if that man hant 
 started yet! It's gittin' so I have ter pull his nose oft' to get him 
 to come to his meals and his ears off to get him away. I never 
 seed such a man! I've Mowed and bio wed on this old horn 'till I 
 can't only squeak. I've drained the taters, sot the table and had 
 the tea a bilin' for morn an hour and he hant turned up yet. I'll 
 call him once more and then if he don't come he can eat a cold 
 supper, that's what. [Puts horn to mouth and blows- horn gives fine, 
 shrill noise— tries other end; horn squeaks.) Oh yes you'll work that 
 way! Drive a man away from home, I'll be bound! I'd like to 
 have that tin-peddler by the ears once, I'd make him toot. [Places 
 horn under arm, places hands to mouth and calls.) Tim-o-thie! [waits) 
 Tim o-thie! Oh dear, how that, takes my wind! [Answer w thout) 
 Well now, you'd better whoo-pee; I've stood this tarnal fooling 
 long enough. [Fixes ((round, stage, fills wa*h-dish part full of water 
 and sits it on wash-bench and Ex. P) 
 
 [Enters Timothy Weed with whip and rake.) 
 Tim. [Laughing.)! "11 be tetotally consarned if this aint one of 
 the scorer. ers. [Setting down whip and rake at gate and tossing ha! 
 toward be?ich— letter falls out.) There, I swan there T s that letter 
 from Tom; guess I'll look it over here in the shade. [Laughs, picks 
 up letter and deliberately tears off end ichile he reads:) Timothy 
 Weed, Esquire, Weed's Hollar, Bennington County, Vermont, 
 New York 3,30 p. m., ninety-nine— that is blotted sost I can't read 
 it. Return after ten days— That's all proper, sost post masters 
 wont keep and read 'em. (Gradually backs around to wash-bench and 
 sits down in wash-dish.) 
 
 Enters Mrs. Weed door E with tin of biscuits. 
 Mrs. II'. Oh! [Sees Weed, screams, (hrows^ip hands, letting tin 
 fall.) Timothy Weed, you're always doing things wrong end to! 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN I'APEB. 
 
 Now see what you've done! 
 
 Tim. (Wringing water from pants.) How can I see, Mariar, I 
 havn't eyes in my back. 
 
 Mrs. W. I should think you could feel! 
 
 Tim. Come now, Mariar, don't scold, taint you'se got to suffer. 
 Its better'n sost I had my store clos' on. Git a rag and help a 
 fellow out. 
 
 Mrs. W. How in the world did you ever come to do it, Timothy? 
 (Using apron in drying process.) are you blind? 
 
 Tim. Why, just as I drove out the lane, who shouU come along- 
 down the hollar but Zib Cummings with that new roan o 1 hisu 
 that he traded them three-year-old steers with Bill Skinner fer, 
 an' handed me this letter from Tom — howbeit I reckon its from 
 Tom from the postmaster's mark on't. 
 
 Mrs. W. I swan to goodness! A letter from Tom. Let me see 
 it. {Snatches at envelope) 
 
 Tim. Hold on, now, Mariar Giving her envelope and keeping 
 letter.) Them biscuits wont be very warm I reckon. 
 
 Mrs. W. That's always your way, Tim Weed! You never let 
 me see anything! I always have to come in like the fifth calf and 
 take what's left, an them biscuits, too, ihey've stood in the oven 
 for two hours watin' your motions and the taters are gittin' cold 
 and the chores hant done and no wood split and no water brought 
 and the cows aint milked and 
 
 Tim. Oh, come, Mariar, give us *a rest, (reads) ''Sweetest girl 
 in New York." I'll betetotally consarned, Mariar, (demonstrative) 
 Tom's goin' ter git married and wants us to come to the weddin. 
 
 Mrs. W. No! Your fooling! He aint, is he? (Leaning over his 
 shoulder.) Shure as I live and to a young woman at that! (Polish- 
 ing and adjusting spectacles, reads.) "Just twenty one on the day 
 she will be my wife.'^ Why, Timothy, that was just my age when 
 we were married. 
 
 Tim. (Relinquishing letter.) Yes, and Tom's about my age. I 
 hope he'll git as good a piece o' land as the hollar by the time he's 
 my age. Ha, ha! Tom's a russler; he'll do. 
 
 Mrs. W. And 1 hope she'll be as prudent and savin' as I've been. 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 
 
 wiZTnT W r W ° Ut With a aP °° n more "* a man ea » b»«g in 
 wrtb a «hove r ,,„ ess weeds hollar wouldn't a been much if it 
 
 »u^if T l h d-rt„Tr again ' MUriar; a ' WayS har P ln ' on sa vin'. 
 mone^ ^ """^ Shim "' S ° Ut °' the cheese 
 
 Mrs. W Yes, but didn't you take the egg money to pay Bill 
 Skmner for that patent ehurno' hisn? P * " 
 
 Tim Sposin 1 did what then, wont you git the good of it? But 
 Tom^ i ^ UPOnthiSPreaChi "' a " d,et ' 8talk «- ■*• to 
 
 Jfr». IF. What! CJo clear way off to New York? What would 
 1 um say? 
 
 Km. Well 1 guess it haiut no further from here to New York 
 than from New York here. I'm a goiu' that's what! 
 
 Ms, W. Now see here. Timothy Weed, you don't go to New 
 York alone. I bant going to have you galavanting 'round the city 
 unpertected. When you spect to go? 
 
 Tim. I'm goin' tonight, I've alars had a hankerin to take in 
 the stockyards and now is a good time, (laughs) Git on your Sun- 
 
 M? wT t y ' We '" l6aVe the C " 0res for the hir «° m». (Ex. 
 
 k **-*"?^** , "«*"»«^-) Egad! wont Tom be stunned 
 when he sees his mother and me in our store clos'! I wonder 
 wbe.e that boy is! (edits) J ia) mie! (laughs). What'H the neighbors 
 ^"f tbeyflndmeandMariargone to New York! (ioofe 
 <# tf3) Carnsarn that boy why don't he come; (calls) Jim' Uw- 
 «wr ^ttot,/.. Come here, you rascal, didn't you hear me cali you? 
 Enters J<mics Dorsey. 
 
 Jas. Sure, sor, I tho't you was snoring. 
 
 Tim. Thought I was snorin' did you? ha, ha! yqar a comical 
 rascal. What was you doing out there? 
 
 Jas. Sure, sor, I was sortin' the small paraties from the banes 
 for the chicken's breakfast in the morniu\ 
 
 Tim. Ha, ha! Thats good. Did you git them done? 
 
I A SCKAT OF BKOWN PA^PEli. 
 
 Jas. No sor, I was a watin'. 
 
 7Vm. Watin-", what was you watin' for? 
 
 Jas. For that raise you was after givin 1 roe gist before hay in' 
 set in. 
 
 Tim. Oh, never mind the raise — 
 
 Jas. (aside) I'm not. 
 
 Tim. I'll see to that. 
 
 Jas. [aside) I'M like to see it. 
 
 Tim. How would you like to be foreman, Jim? 
 
 Jas. Would I be after gittin' ope at thra in the mornin' an' 
 buildin ■ the fairs? 
 
 Tim. No, say half past. 
 
 Jas. An 1 milkin' siven cows and feedin" the calves before 
 breakfast? 
 
 Tim. No, Briget could feed the calves. 
 
 Jas. An' drive the kickiu' mare? 
 
 Tim. No, turn her out to grass. 
 
 Jas. Air do all the shores after dark? 
 
 Tim. Why, y-e-a-s, there's not many to do. 
 
 Jas. (aside) I should say not; (aloud) and ye'll raise me to eight 
 dollars a month? 
 
 Tim. Oh, come Jimmie, [Tapping him on tjhe shoulder:) you'r 
 gettiu' too hard on the old man. Listen, old boy; me and Mariar's 
 goin' down to York to see Tom married an' I'm goin' to make you 
 foreman while I'm gone, ha, ha! See old boy? 
 
 Jas. (aside) Yis, foreman and hindman. (aloud) I'll sai to the 
 woruk. An' so Tom's goin' ter be married is he indade? I'll 
 warrant she's a foin lady wid plinty or mqnay- a regular jerist. 
 
 Tim. You mean an heiress, Jimmie. 
 
 Jas. Divil a bit would I care, I'd marry one or thim as quick as 
 the other if they ounly had plinty or money. 
 
 Tim. That's right, Jimmie, (Slapping him on th shoulder) Its 
 money makes the mare go. Tom's a chip o' the .old block ivery 
 time. You wont catch Tom Weed marryin' a woman lest she's 
 some bottom to her— No highfliers on his plate. 
 Enters Mrs. Weed, prtially ready. 
 
A SCRAP OK l'.UOWN i'Al'EK 
 
 Mrs. W. Timothy Weed, why on nrtll aint you gittin' y&aoy V 
 
 Here I am almost ready an' you hant begun. That's just the way 
 with a man, you have to fuss and work with them a nour after 
 your all ready. An' 1 don't bleve you've thought o' them Ham- 
 burg» since you got the eggs. 
 
 Tim. That's what, M ariar, an' the old yaller's been cluckin' 
 'round fer three days. Get the sittiir an 1 111 go right out an' set'er. 
 [Ex Mrs. IV. L.] Egad, I most forgot that— wouldn't had them eggs 
 spilt for twenty shillin's 
 
 Enters Mrs. Weed with basket of eggs, 
 Tim. {Counting eggs.) Thirteen; that's right. (Ex L.3. railing 
 back.)Get ready, now, Mariai! 
 
 Mrs. W. I swan to goodness if that aint the worst man I ever 
 did see! 1 believe he'd hurry me if he was going to be hung. (To 
 James.) Here, Jimmie, do this churning for me, want you? [Ex B 1 
 Jus. «0, >eas Oi,ll dew the shurning, Oi Will! Oi loike to sphla- 
 der the erame all over me Sunday britches! Oilook loik it, Oi do! 
 Enters Mrs. Weed with churn and apron. 
 Mrs. W. (Sitting chum B.) Come, now, Jimmie, your a good 
 fellow, and see Til put this apron on you to protect your cloths. 
 ( Puts apron on Jam es . ) 
 
 Jas. (aJde.) O yis, O'im a good fellow, Oi am. Bejabers Oi be-' 
 laive they,d coax a fellow into slapping his grand-mother. (Takes 
 chair B and begins churning energetically) Oi'm a loin dairy maul 
 Oi am! [Ex Mrs. W.} (Takes cream from dasher with fore finger and 
 lickes it off.) Its coming. ( Churns and repeats as before.) 
 
 Tim. (From without. ) M ariar— M ariar— I say Mai iar— can't you 
 
 come and help a feller out? 
 
 Enters Timothy Weed L 3 wedged into barrel- falls on 
 stage and rolls toward front, Enters Mrs Weed B 1 doing up hair. 
 
 Mrs. W. Timothy Weed, what on arth you been doiiv! (Mrs. W. 
 and James rush to his assistance.) 
 
 Tim. That tarnal old yeller picked at me when I went to 
 
 set "er! 
 
 Jas. Ye've got a misfit this toim, sure! Oi should think the yel- 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 
 
 lar had set you. (Mrs. W. takes hold of Timothy, James tries to 
 pull off barrel.) 
 
 Tim. Oh! Nails. 
 
 Mrs. W. Grin an 1 bear it Timothy. 
 
 Jas. What goes in must come out. 
 
 SoeneS — Front third— Streets of New York. Enters Stub R 
 selling papers. 
 
 Stub (Papers under arm.) All about the Coney Island murder. 
 Herald — Times— World — 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy L. 
 Papers Sir? All about the races! 
 
 Demp. I don't care a flip about your races! 
 
 Stub Markets, Sir? Wheat gone up live points! 
 
 Demp. Here, give me a World. (Tosses penny in street.) 
 
 Stub (Scampering after penny and going L. Looks over shoulder 
 defiantly aside.) I'll bet your a scamp, I do! [Ex L. 
 
 Demp. (reading.) " Joseph Fairchild a former Wall street opera- 
 tor who recently died in Australia, leaves his entire fortune to his 
 brother s child, who left her New England home about three years 
 since to earn her living in one of our eastern cities as a sewing 
 girl. Fairehild is said to have struck a rich tind on the big island.'" 
 Fairchild— Fairchild— that name sounds familiar. Where have I 
 heard it? Oh, I know; that's the young lady Tom Weed's going to 
 marry, I wager a beaver. I think I'll look into this. [Ex R 
 
 Enters Tom Weed L. 
 
 Tom. (Looking at watch.) I declare its time that mail was deliv- 
 ered and I expected a letter from father. 
 
 Enters Stub with papers. L. 
 
 Stub Papers, papers, all about the— 
 
 Tom. Here, my boy, do you want to turn an honest penny? 
 (Gives him coin.) Run down to my office and bring my mail over to 
 me at the Exchange. Hustle now! 
 
 Stub ( Lifting hat.) Yes sir. [Ex L. 
 
 Enters Lillian Fairchild B. 
 
A SQKAl' OF BKOWN I'ACEI!. 
 
 Tom. [Going to meet her.) Why Lillian! 
 
 Lit. Oh Thomas, I >tm so glad to Hud you. [Taking both hands.) 
 I -I was afraid you was sick or— or something" 
 
 Tom. [Laughing.) Why, darling, what should have put that into 
 your head? {Affectionately.) What in this world could happen to me? 
 
 Lil. [Embarrassed.) I--I dont know, but I couldn't help think- 
 ing. I had such a horrid dream last night. 
 
 Tom. [Laughin.) A dream! well, I declare! What was it, lit- 
 tle one? 
 
 Lil. And you wont laugh at me? 
 
 Tom. [Laughing.) Laugh at you? Why bless me? the idea that 
 you should dream of me is enough to tickle me clear through. 
 
 Lil. [Seriously.) But Tom, I'm sure something is going to hap- 
 pen. I thought I was in a big, dark ijoom and a big, dark, ugly man 
 was standing over me with a sword in his hand; then I thought 
 the house was on tire where you room and they wouldn't let me 
 come to you. Oh, it was awful! [Covering face with handkerchief.) 
 
 Tom. There, there, \j\]\v&iv,[Taking her hands.) Don't worry about 
 it now. It would take more than fire t«; separate us, and if any 
 big, dark, ugly man molests'you, he he'll hear from me. 
 Andy Appeal's 11. 
 
 Lil. [Recovering.) But Tom, don't you believe something in 
 dreams? 
 
 Andy Praps ye've bin aitin' suthin' an 1 it didn't agra wid ye. 
 If ye'll try catnip a bit, it'll help ut. Me maither alus gave it to 
 us childers. • [Ex Lillian L. embarrassed. 
 
 Tom. That you, Andy? I thoughtyou were taking a law course in 
 Dempsy's office. 
 
 Andy {Aside.) A course at the divil's woruk. [Aloud.) Sure, sor, 
 Oi'm too dacent a mon fer thot. 
 
 Tom. How's that, Andy, I thought lawyers were the pink of the 
 professions. 
 
 Andy lndade the lawyers are not tha painks of mything. 
 Sharp wons, are»thricky, tha young wons are nippy, tha dull wons 
 are no good at all; tha short wons are puffy ,'tha tall wons are 
 
A SCKAP OF ULiOW N I'Al'EU. 
 
 bluffy, an' the ould wons will gobble it all. 
 
 'Tom. You'll do, Andy, I see you have a good idea of the first 
 principals of the profession {Going R.) 
 
 Andy I say, Mishter Wade, woulu ye be after telling ma tha 
 name of thot fair leddy as was after warming yer hands gist now? 
 
 Tom. (Hesitatingly.) Oh! that was a lady friend of mine whom 
 I happened to meet on the street. That was all. Yun should not 
 be so observing. [Ex. R. 
 
 Andy Sure an' its a moighty foin girl one don't mate on «the 
 strates ivery day. Oi thank Oi'll drame of her ivery noight for a 
 wake. (Looking both diretcions.) Sure Oi thot tha mast her was 
 comio'. He told me Oi should ba here prezacly at half post foive 
 and here it is pretty near toim fer the shops ter lit out. Niver 
 rnoin, Oi'll sing a song fer company loik. an' whin the pretty 
 girruls come along. Oi'll take a sly ptep at thim, so Oi will. (Sings. 
 Enters Mary Ann R. with wcrk basket. Coming slyly up behind 
 Andy and hits him slightly on the ribs. Catches instinctively, breaking 
 off in middle oj last verse.) Och! muither! Oi've got it! (Swings round 
 frantxcly, catches Mary Ann in his arms and givts her a kiss — gets a 
 slap in the face.) Och, darlint, ye've narley schart the loif out o' 
 me. Sure Oi thot Oi was kilt. 
 
 M. A. An' so ye'd be a ft her kissin' the sword what kilt ye, would 
 ye? Ah, Andy Magin, Oi know yer. 
 
 Andy. Sine, now, and whin did ye get yer introduction? (Aside.) 
 Be gad Oi'm geittin' so I hardly know meself. (Rubbing his face.) 
 
 M. A. Did'nt Oi say ye winkin' at the pretty girruls this morn 
 in'? 
 
 A7idy Sure, Mary Ann Oi thot twas you. 
 
 M. A. Ah, to grass wid yer blarney! Did yer sai anything 
 green in me eye? (Pins finger to eye.) 
 
 Andy (Advances, looks into her eye, jumped back dramatically. ) 
 Och, darlint its me own swate self thot Oi sai all the whoile! 
 ( Catches her in /ws arms, ) 
 
 Enters Tom Weed L. 
 
 \Ex. Mary Ann R. 
 Andy, (Confused.) Will Oi guess Oi'll not wait fer thermashter 
 
A SCRAP OK BROWN PAPER. 
 
 maybe he's got losht. ( Qomg R, 
 Tom. I say, Andy! who was that young lady you met just bow? 
 Andy. Niveryoumoin about that now. Its gist about a harse 
 apace. [Aside.) He'll be aftherthrading secrets wid me y it. [jfc R 
 Tom ( La^Wngr. ) What a queer world, where every man hides 
 from his brother the noblest impulses of his nature, and blushes 
 to acknowledge the divine spark that kindles passion, and sets the 
 Me blood coursing through his veins with renewed vigor. 
 Jack Dempsy appear* L— dodges back-. 
 Show me the man who ne're was passion's slave 
 And I ■Will cite, an idot or a knave. [Ex R. 
 
 Enters Jack Dew pay L. 
 Demp. Just in time. Of all men 1 know. Tom Weed is the 
 man I had rather not meet. Lucky fellow-going to marry an 
 heiress and don't know it. If-iLaughs jtcornfully^he don't miss it 
 (Savagely) No sir! Tom Weed! [Shaking fist of R.) while I live, you 
 shall never marry Lillian Fairchild! 
 
 Knters Kate Field R. 
 Kate. [Timidly coming forward.) You here. Jack, I did not 
 mean to keep you waiting. 
 Demp. (Grossly.) That's always your plea-you never "mean 
 )• " If you were going to be hung you wouldn't 4 *mean to." 
 Kate. Don't scold me, Jack! see, I have only just returned from 
 that young man's room you so cruelly led away last night. It was 
 his first glass of wine, and now— 
 
 Demp. Oh shut up that preaching! The young fool ought to 
 have known better. Did you get the money? 
 Kate. Yes, but— 
 
 Demp. Was he getting over his spree when you left him? 
 Kate. Oh Jack; how cruel you can be! If you could only have 
 seen those flushed features, those blood-shot eyes and hear him 
 calling the name of mother, I know it would have touched you. 
 Demp. Oh shut up. Flow much did you get? 
 Kate. This. (Giving money.) 
 Demp. Was this all he had? | Counting it.) 
 Kate. N-no, I left part- he looked so sick and bad — 
 
 to 
 
10 A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 
 
 Demp. You'r a nice one, you are! You'r getting mighty chick- 
 en- heai ted of late. 
 
 Kate, (Pleadingly.) Jack, don't scold. L can't stand it. This 
 life is killing me. I've went through everything for you. and it 
 seems to get worse and worse all the while. 1 shall have to quit. 
 
 Demp. (Affectionately.] Oh, come, Kate, you are down-hearted 
 to-night. That baby from way-back has made you timid. Only 
 one more venture, little girl, and we'll call quits. L've struck the 
 richest lead yet. 
 
 Kate. (Dispairingly.) Another scheme? 
 
 Demp. Oh don't be so tragic! This little scheme will only be a 
 passtime for you, listen and I will tell you. 
 
 Kate. (Resignedly.) Go on. 
 
 Demp. I've just, learned that Lillian Fairchild, the sewing girl, 
 is old Joe Fail-child's heirej-s. Fairchild has just died in Austra- 
 lia, worth half a million, and it all comes* to this girl. 
 
 Kate. (Interestedly.) Does she know of this good fortune? 
 
 Demp. No, but that's not all. She is about to be married to a 
 hustling young business man of Park Place who thinks she is 
 made of gold. 
 
 Kate. (Suspiciously.) And you propose to get her away from 
 him and marry her yourself? 
 
 Demp. Nonsense, Kate, what are you thinking about! Noth- 
 ing of the kind. The thing to do is to get this girl away and hide 
 her until a reward is offered. The lover will go frantic, the pa- 
 pers will get hold of it, everybody will know she is the heiress, and 
 we'll pocket the reward. 
 
 Kate. Where does she live? Have you learned all about her? 
 
 Demp: Yes, she lives with an old lady in one of the flats down 
 near central depot, and I have arranged to have every thing in 
 re adiness to carry out our plans at ten o'clock to night. 
 Enters Andy H. 
 
 Andy. Bejabers it's not safe to walk along tha streets iny more 
 fer fair ye'll run over a couple of doves billing and cooing gist as if all 
 the rist of the woruld were blind as a beetle. (Turns to go.) Oi 
 guissOi'll go and foind me darlint and have a little flirtation of me 
 own. \Ex. Kate X. 
 
A SCRAP OF BUOWN PAPER. 11 
 
 Demp. Hol«l on there Andy, L want to speak with you. 
 
 Andy. ( Ai side.) some more divil try I'll bit. [Aloud.) Is it after 
 spaking wid me that ye'r savin? Indeed ye'll not foind a truer 
 Irishmun if ye'd go the whole city over. 
 
 Demp. One of the real, simon pure kind, eh? 
 
 Andy. Will I should say yis; ine father was an Irishmun, me 
 mother was an Irishmun, all me brothers and sisters were Irish- 
 man and myselt was boruned in the country Tipperarie. 
 
 Demp. That's an exelent pedagree you have, Andy, and now 
 I want you to do me a favor. [Tossing him money.) Do you ever 
 take anything, Andy? 
 
 Andy. (Looking at coin.) Not very much on that, do ye mind. 
 
 Demp. Don't be extravigant, Andy; ( Confidentilly .) You just keep 
 an eye on Tom Weed tonight, and 1*11 double it next time. You 
 understand? [Ex R. 
 
 Andy Yis, Oi'll kape an eye on 'im; and if the divil don't claim 
 his own, I take it that some one'll kape an eye on yersilf. [Ex L. 
 [Draws off to full stage] 
 Scene 3.— Full stage— Mrs. Gibbon's parlor. Table R. sofa L . 
 sewing machine rear. Discovers Mrs. Gibbons and Lillian seated, sew- 
 ing at table E. 
 
 Mrs. G. So we are to lose you, are we Lillian? After the two 
 years you have been with us, it seems like parting with my own 
 daughter. 
 
 Lit. Yes, auntie, 1 think my days as a sewing girl are over. 
 Thomas has bought us a neat little cottage, where we shall be as 
 comfortable and happy as two little bugs in a basket. 
 
 Mrs. G. t sincerely congratulate you, Lillian, and rejoice with 
 you in your bright picture of happiness. I think Mi. Weed pos- 
 sesses those sterling qualities of manhood that women admire, in a 
 husband. 
 
 Lit. Is it not strange that he should have chosen a pour sewing 
 girl for a wife when he could have married in the wealthy circles 
 of his business acquaintance? 
 
 Mrs. G. Mr. Weed has chosen the better part. He evidently 
 desires a home where he can find rest from the exacting cares of 
 his busy life, and a wife that will live for him rather than society. 
 
12 A SC'UAi' OP "ULIOWN FAKEOtt. 
 
 Lil. And he shall have it if love and devotion on my part can 
 secure it. 
 
 Enters Mary Ann extravigantly dressed and highly powdered. 
 M. A. [Swinging into room and cutting circles.) 
 Me lover is coming this avening,— 
 
 He's a toin, jolly fellow Oi'm sure; 
 Oi'll listen so sw»te to his blarney 
 And kiss him good-bye at the dour. 
 Mrs. G. [Rising.) Mercy on me Mary Ann, where are you go- 
 ing togged out like that? 
 
 M. A. Going is it? Sure Oi'm going to have company for me- 
 self. Did ye think Miss Lillian was going to have all the good 
 things of this woruld? 
 
 Lil. [Rising and shaking out garment.) You do not envy me 
 my happiness Mary Ann? 
 
 M. A. Divil a whit, me darlin, [Corning up to Lillian.) Mishter 
 Wade is a foin young man. Oi think if he was only an Irishman, 
 Oi'd be after setting my own cap for him, meself. 
 
 Lil. [Laughing.) I think your cap is pretty well filled already. 
 You must be careful not to have too many strings to your bow. 
 
 M. A. Niver ye fear me darlint, it's b >ws to me string Oi'm 
 afther gittin'. When one gets bent a bit, ye can take another, do 
 ye moind? [Knock at door.) Sure, Oi'll bit me darlint's come 
 aldready. [Going to door.) [Ex. Mrs. G.R. 
 
 Enters Tom Weed. rear. 
 M. A. [As if to embrace him, then backs off .) Sure Oi thot 'twas 
 — twas — 
 
 Tom. Andy? 
 
 M. J. [Backing off.) Sure, and it moight have bin a worus wan. 
 (Going L front, turning back, covering face with hands and slyly 
 peaking over right shoulder.) 
 
 Lil. [Greeting affectionately.) Oh, Tom I am so glad you have 
 come. We were just talking about you. 
 
 Tom . [ Taking both hands and leading her R front. ) Talking abou t; 
 me? Now that's nice; I hope it was not of my bad qualities. 
 Lil. Oh, indeed it was not. 
 
A SCRAP OK BROWN I'Al'ER. 13 
 
 Tom. [Joyously.) [ thought as much from your bright and 
 laughing eyes. But I have some g«od news for you Lillian; I just 
 received a telegram from father tonight saying that he and mother 
 would, attend our nuptuals. 
 
 Lil. [In estacy.) Won't that be delightful! Those dear old 
 people! How much I have wondered what they were like. 
 
 Tom. [Laughing.) Yon will find them very primitive, but pos- 
 sessing kind hearts. 
 
 Lil. Oh. I know that; they could not be other than kind and 
 generous, and be your parents. [Knock at door, rear —Tom and 
 Lil. rise) 
 
 Enter Andy, closing door and knocking on inside. 
 
 Andy. Sure Oi thot Oi*d come in and knock out. (Coming for- 
 ward to Weed and addressing him— Mary Ann L front evincing great 
 delight.) Sure sor, Ofm glad Oi"ve found ye. 
 
 Tom. Found me? What in the world can you want with me? 
 [Laughing.) You did not think I was lost 1 hope? 
 
 Andy. Naw, indade, ye're a great way from being losht wid 
 two such pretty girruls wid ye. [Glancing and winking at M. A. 
 
 Tom. Am I wanted for anything? 
 
 Andy. Sure ye're wanted to kape out uf the hands o- the villian 
 as is hirin' me to watch ye. 
 
 Tom. Hiring you to watch me? (Laughing.) Does some one 
 think I am going to run away? 
 
 Lil. [Evincing great fear.) Oh. Tom! what does this mean? 
 [Covering face with hands. ) Oh, my dream, my dream! 
 
 Andy. Niver ye fear, me swate young lady, as long as Andy 
 Mngin is the fellow what's doiir the watchin'! Divil a hair of his 
 head shall lie harum while me name is Andy Magin. 
 
 Lil. Oh, thank you, thank you! But why should anyone watch 
 him? Who is it that is plotting against us? 
 
 Andy. Indade its one of the divil's own. He gave me a quar- 
 ther to watch ye's and Oi've aldready worrud out a good pair of 
 shoes trapesing around afther ye. 
 
 Tom. (Lauhging.) Never mind, Andy, this will make up for 
 what you have lost. [Gives money.) 
 
 Andy. God bliss the loikes of ye, and protect yer swate )Oimg 
 
H A SCRAP OF BROWN TAPER. 
 
 lady from the harum of the bloody spalpeen. {Edging off toward L 
 front — Tom and Lillian regain their seats.) Mary Anip— Mary Aim 
 I say! [Jumps to kiss her; Mary Ann turns suddenly around — Spit- 
 ting and wiping his mouth]) Ah, Mary Ann, ye've been calsoming 
 yer face. 
 
 M. A. {Stamping her foot.) No, Oi've not! That's some of the 
 powther Oi bought at the sthore. That's Rose in Bloom. 
 
 Andy. Sure Oi thot "twas tha lasht rose of summer. [Looking 
 at her proudly .) Och, Mary Ann how swate ye'r lookiir this aven- 
 ing. [Holds arms out to her.) 
 
 M. A. [Hesitates, and then rushts into his arms.) Och Andy, 
 how kin ye tempt me so! (Puts up face for a kiss.) 
 
 Andy. [Turning face away— aside.) One bite o' that's enough. 
 [Aloud.) Did.jer. know, Mary Ann. Oi'm goin' to be a'great mil- 
 lie mairV 
 
 M. A. [Very much interested.) Naw, indade, Andy, [Taking his 
 hands.) Where d yer git yer money V 
 
 Andy. [Laughing.) Money is it, me darlint> Is it not the 
 wealth of yer swate self Oi'm gtttin'? 
 
 M. A. [Seating themselves on sofa.) Ah, there ye go wid yer 
 blarney agin. Sure ye've sold ine i'er enough aldready to bny a 
 nate house on the avenue 
 
 Lil. Oh, Tom, do promise me to be careful of that bad, bad 
 man. You know not at what hour he may work your ruin. 
 
 Tom. [Rising. ) Never fear, little one, forewarned is forearmed. 
 I am not afraid of the villian, and I hope you will dismiss all this 
 w« rry fr m your mind. [Taking both her hands affectionately.) Re- 
 member, Lillian, this is the last time I shall call on Lillian Fair- 
 child.— Tomorrow, darling, you shall be my wife. [Ex. rear. 
 
 Lil. [Going to door and looking out after him.) How happy I 
 should be if it was not for this sad presentiment! He is so joyous 
 in the anticipation of our union, and yet my heart tells me that he 
 shall be taken from me. [To Mary Ann.) Mary Ann, will you 
 please bring me a glass of water? 
 
 M. A. [Rising.) Yis mum. 
 
 Andy. [Rising,) Oi'll take cider if yer plaze. 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN' TAPER. U 
 
 M. A. [Going.) Ye will, wid ye? 
 
 Andy. [Calling her back.) Niver moiu the cider me darlint; 
 Oi II take necter this toim, (Kissing her.) and be kapin 1 watch 
 o 1 the masater. [Ex. rear 
 
 M. A. Ah, the blagard, ha'll tase the loif out o' me, ontii Oi 
 hive to say ••yis'' to be rid of him. [Ex. E 
 
 Lil. Oh, deal-, 1 am so weary. [Seating herself at table R and 
 leaning head on hand.) I wish the moirow was here and this ter- 
 lible presentiment at an end. 
 
 Enter Kale Field and Jack Dempsey half masked door rear. 
 Creeping up behind Lillian, she places sponge to her nose. Lillian 
 jumps, screaniSf and falls senseless into the arms of Jack Dempsy . 
 QUICK CURTAIN 
 
 ACT II. 
 Scene 1.— Full btage. Street near Union Depot. Enters 
 Tin.othy Weed with Mrs. Weed on his armL2. Both extravigant- 
 lij dressed, carrying hand satchel, band box and umbrella — awkiva? d. 
 
 Tim. [Looking up.) Ill be tetotaly consarned Mariar if ther' 
 aiijt a buildin' higher'n the peak o' my yellar barn, down in the 
 back lot. 
 
 Mrs. W. And do see there, Timothy, someone's put their clock 
 away up stairs in the winder, sost people'd know they had on'. I 
 call that slingiu 1 on stjle with a vengence. 
 
 Tim. Well, I spose it'd be kinder handy when a feller's workin' 
 < ui in the back yard, but I shouldn't want ter climb up ther 
 every night to do ther windin\ 
 
 Enters Stub R 2. selling papers. 
 
 Stub. Papers, papers! All about the stolen heiress! Papers? 
 
 Mrs, W. Say, bub. who lives in the big house over there, with 
 their clock up stairs V 
 
 Stub. Oh, kum off th' roof! 
 
1G A 6CKAF OF BROW \N PAl'EB. 
 
 (Mr. and Mrs. Weed jump and. look where they were standing.) 
 
 Tim. Say, bub, what de ye ask for them papers? 
 
 Stub, cent, cent and a half an 4 two cents. 
 
 Tim. Ye haiut got the Scrub Town Digger have ye? (To Mrs. W. 
 Kinder like to know what the folks think o' our comiu 1 ter York. 
 
 Stub. Oh' yer -too soon! 
 
 Tim. Well I guess we're sooner'n you are. 
 
 Stub. Go git the hay-seed out'n yer hair. 
 
 Mrs. W. (Brushing locks.) There Timothy Weed ye' forgot to comb 
 yer har, d idii't yer! 
 
 Stub. Where d ye git tLat hat? 
 
 Mrs. W. (Taking hat off' and wipping trimming with corner oj 
 shawl.) See here, young feller, i sold eggs and bide that hat, and if 
 ye don't like it, ye needn't give me more o' yer sass. 
 
 Stub. Oh, Rats! 
 
 Mrs. W. (Jumps and looks around.) Oh, Timothy! 
 
 Tim. Hant no rats here, Mariar; say, bub, d' ye live fer about 
 here? 
 
 Stub. Oh come off! Ye haint in it! [Ex. L 
 
 Mrs. W. He is too! (Catches coat and jerking it together; it pops 
 open full length of back.) 
 
 Tim. There, Mariar, 1 told ye them store close warnt no 'count. 
 
 Mis. W. Well I swan to goodness! (Take j pins a?td begins fas- 
 tening coat.) 
 
 Enters Dude L 2. 
 
 Dude. (Adjusting eyeglass and cautiously approaching and watch- 
 ing operations.) Aw, I declawi; dose awful taylors— so prowokin'! 
 
 Mrs. W. (Turns head and seen dade— screams.) Oh! Timothy, 
 look ! ( Tries to scare him. ) 
 
 Tim. (Jumping.) Oh lord, Mariar, you've stuck that pin into 
 me mor'ii a rod! (Tries to find pin in his back.)' 
 
 Mrs. W. (Flirting skirts at dude.) S-h-h-h, s-h h-h! Shoo! (Dude 
 acts timid.) Here, Timothy, you hold this baif-box an 1 111 drive 
 the critter off. (Gives box to Weed and spreads umbrella. Dude 
 spreads his umbrella, but continues to backoff L 1. Finally turns and 
 runs per sued by Mrs. W.) 
 
A SCRAJf OF BROWN l'Ai'iat. 17 
 
 Tim. Go it, old woman, you'll tree the critter if yef wind holds 
 out! ( Laughing^ 
 
 Enters Kale Field, U 2. 
 [Bowing and scrapin extraviantly . Sets down grip and upproacii- 
 es Kate.) How are ye, little one! Fine day! J)' yer live fer about 
 here? [Extending hand to shake — Kate passes him by unnoticed and 
 exit L 2 followed, to screen by Weed, looking L 2.) .I'll be tetotally 
 contained ef that girl haint deaf and damn, and prettyer'n all 
 git out! [Backsto R hooking L 2, falls over grip and mashes bandbox.) 
 Enters Mrs. Weed L 1. 
 
 Mrs. W. Timothy Weed ' what on arth have you bin doin'! [Bela- 
 l)les him with umbrella.) 
 
 Tim. Nothin' Mariar,— I— I— I'm hurt. (LooklnL 2 .) 
 
 Mrs. W. [Gathering Up remnents in apron a ml taking Weed by ear.) 
 Hurt are you? I'll hurt ye ef yer don't mind what yar doin". (Leads 
 him B. 1.) I'll jist stop this galavantin', you bet. 
 
 Tim. Don't, Mariar! What'll people say? [Ex R 1 . 
 
 lit -enters Kate Field L 2. 
 
 Kate. Oh dear, why don't he come! He said he would meet me 
 here at nine o'clock sharp [Looking at clock in tower.) and here it 
 is a quarter past. I almost wish he would never come; he is so 
 changed. How affectionate and considerate he used to be; but now 
 it is plotting, plotting, plotting. It almost seems to me at times 
 that he has lost all love for me in his wild race to ruin. Ah. here 
 he comes. 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy I. .'/. 
 
 Demp. [Affectionately.) Ah, Kittie, have I kept you waiting? 
 I declare, I had almost forgotten our appointment. 
 
 Kate. L wish you had. 
 
 Demp. Wish I had? Ha, ha! Why what would you have done if 
 I had left you walking the streets in Search of me while 1 was 
 enjoying myself over a glass of wine? 
 
 Kale. I should have gone home and passed another night with- 
 out added to the weight of sin now upon my soul. 
 
 Demp. O fudge! You've been attending the Salvation Army 
 meetings and got salvation. 'Twont last Kate: better throw it off 
 
18 A SCKAP OF BROWN PAl J ER. 
 
 like you would the spring fever and go in for something more tang- 
 able. By the way, Kate, how is our wild heiress? 
 
 Kate. She will die of grief. She will not eat and cannot sleep. 
 She walks her room and moans continually. 
 
 Demp. That's good; she will be an easy subject to manage after 
 she ha-* come Tanner on it for a month or two. 
 
 Kate. Oh, Jack! 
 
 Demp. Shut up, baby; I did not ask you to come here to plead 
 for her; I have another place where I want to use you. 
 
 Kate. Yes, use me. That is all you care for me. If you can 
 use me to carry out some of your base plots, I am all right. ( Ooes LI.) 
 
 Demp. Oh, come, Kate, the thing I have on now is a little 
 amusement for you. You see there is a rich old duffer in the city 
 from Vermont who is taking in the sights of the metropolis with his 
 old lady in great style. Now what I'm on, is to invite this old crony 
 out ;toa wine supper and show him some of the ways of thebigcity. 
 
 Kate. And me, what am I to do? 
 
 Demp. Oh come off, Kate; you know your part better than I 
 can tell you. Just as if the old duffer could stand the magDetism 
 of those eyes! Ha, ha; little sirene, you shall wear diamonds yet 
 if you only follow me. Tra la, little one! [Ex. R 2. 
 
 Kate. I should sooner think it would be a set of bracelets; how- 
 ever, I suppose there is no turning back. 
 Enters Dude L 1. 
 
 Dude. [With great affectation.) Aw, ma dwear wyoung lady, 
 mawy aw have the gwate pleasure aw making you dwear awquain- 
 tance awe. 
 
 Kate. [Severely.) A wart on society! 
 
 Dude. [Examining hand critically.) Aw wawt, she said, on ma 
 soul, did I evar! The dwear chile is in erwor. [Ooes to Kate, is 
 about to kneel, brushes floor, blows dust off floor, lays doivn handker- 
 chief and kneels.) [Kate backs off and Ex.R. 
 Enters Andy L 2. 
 
 Andy. [ Catches Dude by feet and gives him a somersault. Dude 
 regains feet and pulls out long whisk broorn from back of coat and be- 
 gins dusting himself.) Sure Oi thot 'twas a dummy and its only a 
 
A SCRAP OF liUOWX I'APKK. If) 
 
 jumpin' jack. Sai th' pacock dusting his fithers. {Takes whisk 
 away and returns L. Dude takes out another smaller broom and con- 
 tinues durting.) Sure this is a foin prisent fer me Mary Ann— the 
 handle ish so schmall. (Sees dude and lakes away second broom. Re- 
 peats several times, brooms growing smaller. Finally makes examina- 
 tion of dude, and finding no more brooms, tumbles him off stage R 1 . 
 Gathering tip brooms.) Sure its tha firsht genuine automatic broom 
 factory Oi ever did sai. (Sticking brooms all over himself and pranc- 
 ing up and down stage.) What koind of a jude would Oi make? 
 Enters Mary Ann R 2. 
 
 M. A. (Watching Andy in estacy .) Ouh, ouh, ouh! 
 
 Andy. (Imitating dude.) Sure me darlint would ye be after 
 taking the loiks of me? 
 
 M. A. (Taking him by the ear and raising him.) None o' that 
 now, me bie; Oi'll have no jude winkhr at me loik that now. Its 
 a full grown mon Oi'll be after havin' or its meself Oi'll be 'till the 
 wind blows me away. 
 
 Andy. (Laughing and chucking her under the chin.) Faith, me 
 darlint, Oi belave ye'd reform the Church of Rome wid yer swate 
 smoile. 
 
 M. A. And why was ye not calling after me the whole day 
 long, whilst Oi've been looking the eyes out o' me? 
 
 Andy. Shure, Mary Ann, Oi have to take time to ate a bit! 
 
 M. A. And do ye tell ma now that yer livin' at the Grand Oin- 
 tral? 
 
 Andy. (Embarrassed.) Indade, Oi— Oi— 
 
 M. A. Out wid it me bie; dount be ashimed of yer hoigh livin\ 
 
 Andy. Hoigh livin', is it me darlint, whin Oi take me nickle o* 
 soup in the basement around the corner and coume up here to pick 
 me teath? 
 
 M. A. And is that the way yer desavin'? 
 
 Andy. Sure, its the way all the bies are doin' and meself is only 
 kapin' in the stoile. Gist wait 'till Oi git rich, and Oi'll be livin ' 
 on toads legs, so Oi will. 
 
 M. A. Is it rich yer telling me that ye'll be? D' yer main yer 
 goin' to be an heiress. Andy? 
 
2U A SCIiAP OK BKOWX PAPER. 
 
 Andy. [Tapping head with finger.) In me rnoind me daiiint. 
 
 M. A. Ah, me bie, yer nairely bankrupt aldready ef ye did but 
 know it. But why don't yer ax me to promenade wid ye? Haint 
 Oi been waitin' ttii.s long time to be axed? 
 
 Andy. Sure, an' Oi've bin dyin' to ax ye all th 1 whoile. {Tries 
 to take her arm'uihile she tries to take his — Confusion ensues, both talk- 
 ing. Puts arm around waist.) Oi'm always willin' to compreinoise, 
 me darlint; we'll not quarrel about that now. 
 
 M. A. [Giving up with a show of greal pleasure.) That's gist the 
 way wid the min, they always have the lasht worud. 
 
 [Ex. L 1. 
 Enters Timothy Weed R 2. 
 
 Tim. [Setting down grip.) I'll be tetotally con same d ef that 
 aint just like they do up in the Hollar. I'd heard tell as how they 
 had some new tangled ways down to York, but I guess its the 
 same old (story, i kjpem grip and takes out large red bandana. Wipes 
 face.) By scratch I walked mor'n four miles to mail that letter 
 and couldn't see the post master at that. Bet he w r on't know 
 where its goin 1 ! 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy 11 2. 
 
 Demp. [Kicking grip — cloths, apples, popcorn, potatoes, ears of 
 corn, etc., fall out.) What have I found? [Laughing.) 
 Andy appears L I, Dude R 1. 
 
 Tim. [ Grabbing Dempsy by collor and mopping stage with him. )By 
 scratch I'll show ye what we call it down in Vermont. [Dempsy 
 tries to get away. Weed holds him. out with right hand and. cuff's him 
 with his old hat in the other.) We call it rlailin' down in Vermont. 
 
 Andy. [Advancing and patting Weed on back.) Give it to 'im old 
 man with the roight fist, an' O'll stand at yer back. [Gets a cuff 
 of the hat in his face, Stagering off L 1.) Och, Oi'm bloind! the 
 ould machine is loaded at both inds. [Ex L 1. 
 
 Dude. Aduancing and pocking umbrella ; into grip.) Aw! Aw de- 
 cl^ware! Quite wustic Aw must say! Fishes out old sun-bonnet and 
 puts it up aginst him with strings around him like apron.) Aw! New 
 style! wery unique, wery! 
 
 Tim. By scratch! Guess these folks don't know me! [Reaches over 
 for dude, doubles him up and sits down on , him. — To Dempsy.) Say, 
 
A SCKAL J OF HHOWN ['Al'EK. 21 
 
 mister, just pick them things up inside of three jerks of a lamb's 
 tail or there'll be a nuther wind storm around here. {Dempsy hes- 
 itates.) Hurry up, I feel it a comin'. {Dempsy hustles things into 
 grip and rushes off R 2. Releases dude, turns him around. looks him 
 over and points R 2.) Git! [Ex Dude R 2. 
 
 By scratch! hant had so much fun fer a week. {Looking around.) 
 Wonder if anybody else wants to try King-berry rules. 
 
 Enters Kate Field L 2. 
 Ah! There that deef girl agin. {Closing grip and bowing extrava- 
 gantly.) My pretty dear, do ye live fer about here? 
 
 Kate. {Simperingly.) Yes sir. 
 
 Tim. {Aside.) 1*11 be tetotally consarned if that gal can't talk! 
 {Aloud.) Little) girl, how's yer ma? 
 
 Kate. I have no mother or father. 
 
 Tim. {Affectedly— blowing his nose. Aside.) By scratch I feel as 
 though I could be a father to that gal. Aloud.) I)' ye like candy 
 little girl? 
 
 Kate. Oh, indeed, I'm very fond of it. 
 
 Tim. {Aside.) Guess I'll be her father yet. [Aloud.) Hold yer 
 hat then— I'm alers kind to the widers and orphans. 
 
 Kate. {Gathering up drapery.) Oh how kind you are. Please 
 put it in my lap. 
 
 Tim. {Putting candy in lap.) That's right, little girl. Always 
 was kind hearted. D'ye like peanuts? {Emptying pocket after 
 pocket.) 
 
 Kate. Oh, yes; and you'll come and see me sometime, wont 
 you? 
 
 Tim. You bet J will. [Aside.) If lean get away from Mariar. 
 {Aloud.) IV ye like bananas? 
 
 Kate. Oh, yes, yes; but you are too kind. 
 
 Tim. {Piling up fruit.) Don't say a word about it. And here 
 is some ginger snaps I had left; and here is some apples I brought 
 all the way from Vermont, and here— 
 
 Kate. Oh, please don't. My lap is running over now. 
 
 Tim. {Taking large potato from pocket.) There is that seed po- 
 tater, now. Thought I'd lost it. 
 
 Enters Mrs. Weed L 2. . 
 
A SCRAP Ob BROWN 1'APEU 
 
 Mrs. W . [Angrially.) There Timothy Weed, that's just what I 
 expected. ( Takes him by the ear and addresses Kat>-.) Young lady, 
 I guess yer mother wants ye and tlr sooner you go the better! 
 [Kate Ex tt %.] (ToWotd.) You old galavaraer, I'll keep my eye 
 on you after this, see ef L don't. Y.ou'r a party one to be flirtiu 1 
 at your time o' life. [Leads him off L 2.) 
 
 [Draws off to scene 2. Front third. 
 
 Scene 2, Front third.— Enters Tom Weed If. 
 
 Tom. [Looking up Jrom reading paper.) Lillian "Fair/child, an 
 heiress and abducted! Great God! To-day she was to have been 
 my wife! [Heads.) "In the hands of her abductor— possible mur- 
 der!" My God. what awful head-lines! What can be done- what 
 shall be done! Ha! I read herdream and will follow its direction. 
 She is mine, dead or alive, and I swear by this strong arm that I 
 will not sleep or rest while she remains in peril! [Goes L and runs 
 over Andy who is just entering L.) 
 
 Andy. [Hobbling about stage.) Och, me came?, me tsarnes! 
 [Holding up arm in imitation of Weed.) Oi swear by the strong aim 
 of me, that Gill lick iny mon thattrods on me toes, so I will! 
 
 Tom. Why, Andy, my man, excuse me. I am in awful pain 
 [Placing hand to heart.) 
 
 Andy. [Holding up one foot.) Sure, and maybe ye don't think 
 Orm in pain wid a corn on me toe as big as a murphy. 
 
 Torn.. Andy, do you know that Lillian has been abducted? 
 
 Andy. [Excitedly.) Conducted is it! [Spits on hands.) Show 
 me the bloody spalpeen that conducted her. 
 
 Tom. [Beaching out paper.) Have you seen that? 
 
 Andy. Sure that's the Wourld; ye didn't think Oi wanted the 
 airth did ye? 
 
 Tom. [Affectedly.) Read it, read it; and tell me what heartless 
 villian could have done this terrible deed. 
 
 Andy. [Pushing back paper.) Read it did yer say? Sure the 
 bloody blarguard would be half the way to Yourup before Oi got 
 the first loin spilt out. But Oi kin rade the moon, Mishter Wade. 
 
 Tom. Read the moon? What do you mean Andy? Tell me 
 quick, my man. 
 
A SURA I' OF BliOWX 1'APKl!. iNi 
 
 Andy. Whoy, didn't ye know Oi was a clara voyantV 
 
 Tom. Clairvoyant? No, indeed. 
 
 Andy. [Shutting his eye#an4 extending his harid.) Sure Oi am 
 toot. Gist tickle me hand and sai how quick the vision will come 
 to ma, (Weed puts money in hand.) Ouch, how that tickles' 
 ( Takes a sly peep and sticks it into pocket.) Sure yet enough ta make 
 the angles lau^h. 
 
 Tom. Hut lets have the vision. 
 
 Andy. [Aside.) Bejabers Oi almost forgot it. > Aloud.) Sure 
 and if the divil was after ye, wouldn't he be afther takiir the bist 
 holf of ye hi>ht? 
 
 Tom. Do you mean Jack Dempty? He could not have known 
 Lillian. 
 
 Andy. Oi sir! niver a worud about Diinpsy, but the divil always 
 takes care of his own. 
 
 Tom. Andy, you are a bright fellow and ought to serve a better 
 master, Let me entreat you to leave this unscrupulous villian 
 and assist me in the search for my lost darling. 
 
 Andy. {Jingling money in pocket.) Yer a foin mon, Mishter Wade 
 and the swate young lady is the frind of me ouen darlint. 
 
 Tom. [Excitedly.) And you will help me Andy V 
 
 Andy. Wait a bit till Oi spit on me chip. (Picks up chip and 
 spits on it ) Droy Oi win, wit you lose. ( Tjsses up chip and catches 
 it in hand.) Lroy be jabers! Oi'll go ye one if Oi lose. (Makes 
 motion as if to toss chip toward avdience. changes mind and throws it 
 
 offR.) 
 
 Tom. [Holding up hand.) Swear it, Andy. 
 
 Andy. Oi swear it boy the great corn on me shmall toe, that 
 Oi'll niver lave ye so long as ye've got a dollar in yer pocket. 
 
 Tom. (Gives money and a revolver.) This is for you, and this is 
 for our enemies. [Ex. L. 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy L. 
 
 Demp. (Angrially.) S.> you have turned traitor, have you? 
 How much do you get from your new master? 
 
 Andy. Half as much a gin wid me board throwed in; divide it 
 in the middle and Oi'll take moin strait. 
 
 Demp. (Sneeringly.) You've become wonderfully cunning 
 
A SCRAP <>i BKOWN 1'Al'KU. 
 
 since you've changed masters. Hope beMl profit by your treach- 
 ery. 
 
 Andy. Divil a whit would he profit out o' the loiks of yez; fer 
 the ould Nic has ye bought up body and sould. 
 
 Demi). (Advancing with raised cain.) A 1 one of your impudence 
 you Irish rascal or Til thrash you on the spot. 
 
 Andy. {Presenting revolver.) H ould a bit! (Dempsy backs off' 
 followed by Andy.) Git, wonst; git, twist; its acomiir - three toimes 
 Oi sal— (Qernpsy turns and runs off' 11. Examining revolver.) Shore 
 that's a foiii thing that talks widout spakiif {Revolver goes of in 
 h and.) 
 
 Dude appears L. 
 Ouch, tbe.diyil! itspakes widout talkin! [Dude comes close to Andy 
 who picks up revolver carefully and frightens dude off" L. Tosses re- 
 volver after him.) Its a t'oin thing to drive off the varmint, but 
 Oi'll niver make me swate heart a widdy by the loiks of it. 
 Enters Mr. and Mrs. Weed R. 
 
 Tirn. Well, 111 be tetotally consumed if this aint the longest 
 street I ever went anywhere! Bin walkin' and warkiu' foifr hours 
 an" hant got to the end on it yit. [Sits down grip.) 
 
 Mrs. W. Yes, and you will persist in going with then ol' duds 
 on -you do make me so shame! 
 
 Tim, Good Lord, Mariar, ye dont spect me ter wear my store 
 clos' every day, do yeV {To Andy.) say, mister, do yer know where 
 a fellow could swop some right good land fer some o' these houses 
 think I'd like ter live in York, fer a fact. 
 
 Andy. {Laughing.) Is itlivin' in New Yorukyed be after doiiv, 
 sure they'd bavin' ye ope at the museum for an ould Puritan. 
 Enters Tom Weed. L. 
 
 Tom. [Bushing forward.) Father, Mother! {takes hand of each.) 
 
 Andy. {Going L.) Sure Oi gis the master's found sothin'; Oi'll 
 be after lookin' the ither way. [Ex L. 
 
 Tim. {Advancing.) By scratch if there aint Tom! 
 
 Mrs. W. {Advancing and taking other hand,.) Sure as I live, an 7 
 all dressed up as if he's goin' somewhere. {To Tom.) Bin, gone or 
 goin' some 'ere? 
 
 Tom. I was going to the depot to meet you and father. {Looking 
 
A SI.KAI' OK BKOWS PAPER. 
 
 at watch.) Is the train in so Boon? 
 
 Tim. (Laughing heartily.) Me an* mother's bin in town more"n 
 a day. Come down a little a head, sost we could see sothin*. 
 (Critically looking Tom over.) By scratch, Tom, ye must be makiir 
 lots o" money to go togged out like that every day; [Examining 
 cloths.) that suit never cost less'n fifteen dollars. 
 
 Tim. (Smiling.) Yes, it cost all of that father, but you haven't 
 told me how things are doing at home, down on the farm. 
 
 Tim. Fust rate, Torn; never had a better year since we lived in 
 the hollar. Hay good, corn bully, an old whoppin" crop o" buck- 
 wheat; and taters,--lord bless me! (Feels around in pocket finds 
 potato and exhibits it.) had the biggest crop you ever did see! What 
 d' ye think o* that fer a sample? Per a fact, Tom, believe a lot of 
 "em VI weigh ten pound. 
 
 Tom. ( Taking potato.) I should not think it would take a very 
 great lot of these to weigh ten pounds. I am heartily glad to hear 
 that matters are doing so nicely, and to see you and mother look- 
 so well. 
 
 Mrs. W. Land sakes! Don'd think he looks well with them old 
 duds on, do ye? But it ain't sost he didn't have a brand new suit 
 o" store clos' he bought a year ago last fall in flax pullin' time. 
 He's savin" 'em fer the wediir. 
 
 Tom. (Sorrowfully.) Alas I fear he will never wear them. 
 
 Mrs. W. (Anxiously.) The gal h ant gone back an ye, has she Tom? 
 These town girls — 
 
 Tom. (Appealingly.) Don't, mother, you do not know Lillian • 
 Fairchild, or you would honor all women for her sake. She is 
 noble, generous and a queen among women. For two years she 
 has been the guiding star of my ambition and the magnet of my 
 success. Today she was to have been my bride; but cruel fate has 
 robbed me of all I hold dear in life. She has been stolen away, 
 possibly murdered; and 1 have not the slightest clue. 
 
 Tim. (Excitedly.) By scratch! This is gettin' interestin"! (Wip- 
 ing his face.) I'll be tetotally consarned if I aintglad I come down 
 —help the boy out. Nothin' like an old head on young shoulders 
 fer this kind o" work. 
 
2G A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 
 
 Tom. But what can we do, father? The authorities are search- 
 ing everywhere — - 
 
 Tim. The 'thorities to grass! Spose I'm goin' ter wait fer them 
 constables ter look 'er up? Not much! Tote yer mother off where 
 she cau be sort o' easy, and we'll strike out in dead 'arnest. {Shov^ 
 ing Tom and Mrs. Weed off L.) 
 
 Enters Dude R. 
 
 Dude. Aw! t^uite wustic! Aw must say! How decidedly owig- 
 inal! Such a hat! {Brushes own) Mus' be loin way back! 
 Enters Stub L. 
 
 Stub* Papers, papers! Papers sir? 
 
 Dude . { Disda in fully . ) N aw ! 
 
 Stub. [Spitting on his shoes and passing It.) Naw! 
 
 Dude. {Jumping and wiping patent leather with handkerchief and 
 looking angrily at Stub.) Uow prowokin! weally absurd! Never 
 saw any ling like it in all my born days! 
 
 (Stub crosses L., pretends to spit upon Dude's feet who tries to get 
 out of his way. He-crosses to It Driving dude off It trying to keep his 
 feet behiridhim.) 
 
 Stub. Oh, dear! No luck today. Guess I'll sing a song and see 
 if it wont come back. {Sings.) 
 
 All foot-sore and weary, I tramp through the street 
 To offer my papers to each one I meet; 
 And the pennies I earn buys the dinner .1 eat, 
 For I'm spreading the news of the day. 
 
 Chorus:— 
 
 Papers! Papers! 
 Oh I hustle through sun-shine, I hustle through storm, 
 1 hustle at night and 1 hustle at morn; 
 Though I'm not quite in fashion, and not always warm, 
 Yet I hustle for mother and me. 
 
 I dodge the big bullies, fling off on the "rats, 1 ' 
 I'm sweet on the fat girl that lives in the flat; 
 She's got a big brother but who cares for that! 
 For I'm spreading the news of the day. 
 
 Chorus: — 
 
A Si: Li A l' OF BROWS PAPEK 
 
 Sometime 1*11 be "in it 7 * as the newspapers say. 
 With plenty of money and nothing to pay: 
 Then I'll give all the news-boys a naif-holiday, 
 Who are spending the news or the d..\. 
 
 Chorus: [Ex. Li 
 
 [Draw* off to Scene 3.] 
 
 Scene 3,— Full stage — Darkened room — Table center ^ lounge 
 
 rear — caudle burned low — Lillian discovered with head bowed on 
 table. 
 
 Lit. [Looking up wildly.) Where am I— I must have fallen 
 a-sleep! [Looks around her and presses hands to temples.) Oh, I re- 
 uiembtr' How cold, how dreary, how terrible! \Bising\ pacing 
 floor, looking through iron shutters, etc.) Alone, no friends, they 
 have rust me away in this dark, dismal dungeon with not even 
 the free light of heaven to cheer my aching heart. Am I a leper, 
 thai i hey should tear me away from those I love and place me 
 where not even the sound of human voice shall cheer me! Am L 
 an outcast whose very presence should pollute the pure atmos- 
 phere of the beautiful outer-world, lading it with the baneful 
 scourge of unchastity, that they entomb me in this phantom dun- 
 geon without the whisper of hope or a kind message from those 
 who love me! Am 1 a criminal, in whose frail hands should rest 
 the bane of public virtue and private sanctity, that they should 
 bind me within these dark walls with nothing but a blai k eternity 
 to cheer my bleeding heart! [The shadow of a hideous picture is re- 
 flected upon wall, rear.) Ami mad, that they should turn these 
 burning eye-balls in upon a parched and withering brain, that 
 paints the fantastic form- of countless demons upon yonder wall, 
 whose very image chills my blood and lays the icy hand of 
 death upon my heart! Strickeu by an unknown hand, turn from the 
 very aims of one who loves me, my bridal robes are laid aside for 
 these sombre garments of dispair whose every fold excludes each 
 ray of hope nor bids me live to see the light of heaven. {Kneeling.) 
 Oh, God of a bright and glorious universe, whose loving kindness 
 
US A SO UAt' O V ii bt< > VV N 1 'A I'E K . 
 
 I was taught to lisp at my angel mother's knee, help me to bear 
 this crushing anguish and to feel that the ever triumphant m irch 
 of the base and wicked is not of thy will, but from the perverted 
 laws of thy generosity! Oh, Humanity, with all thy boast and 
 pride; with all thy vlgilence and courage; with all thy honor and 
 philanthropy; why willst thou permit the stong to triumph in evil 
 and the weak to suffer! How can it be, that beneath the very 
 shadow of thy temples, bleeding hearts are daily and hourly send- 
 ing up their petitions for deliverance, onU to p iss like the wind 
 while you go on, on, in your revel, nor heed the base mockery of 
 your pretentions! Wilt thou, Oh, Humanity, pause in your wild 
 revel, long enough to register my; petition and call forth the blind 
 Goddess ,;f Justice to deliver me from this maddening throldom! 
 [Noise rear— door slightly opens] bread and water passed in— Lillian 
 rises and stands pleading.) Angel or demon, come into my solitude 
 and break this horrible silence that is turning the honey of my 
 soul into the vinegar of blasphema! Come with the light of mercy 
 in your eyes that bids me hope, or with the hellish grin of a spirit 
 damned to mock my brain into solitude of delirium! Any presence 
 however hidious, will banish this murky atmosphere that is slow- 
 ly, but surely stifling my cries and bearing me onward toward 
 the boundless shores of insanity! 
 
 (Enters Kate Field rear, cautiously, fastening door behind her. 
 Lillian goes to Kate as if to embrace her, who retreats as if fearful of 
 her madness. Lilliad falls upon her knees.) Oh my sister, have 
 you not come to banish the gloom of captivity and break the bars 
 that exclude the light of heaven! Have you brought with you one 
 ray of hope that shall banish this endless night! I see the light of 
 pity in your eyes, while your lip quivers with the kind words that 
 rise from your heart and demand a hearing! Speak, speak; my 
 hungry ears beat wildly for the sound of human voice and my 
 heart is bleeding for one grain of sympathy! Tell me, you who 
 bears the form of my angel mother, that your»heartis not made of 
 stone, or that God has bereft you of speech as he has me of happi- 
 ness! 
 
 Kate. (Taking water and bread Jrom floor upon a scrap of brown 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 29 
 
 paper, setting them on table center.) Miss Fairehild, your pleadings 
 touch my heart, but I am utterly powerless to aid you. I am no 
 less a prisioner than yourself, while the walls that bind me have 
 all the blackness of sin and poluion. You must bury your heart- 
 aches as I have mine, and sustain life with the meager food I am 
 permitted to bring you. 
 
 Lit. ( Rising and 'taking her hands.) God bless yon, my sister, 
 for those words of sympathy. They c^me to me like a voice out of 
 the darkness and bids me hope. But tell me what! have done that 
 should banish me from all I love and place me in this dismal cell. 
 
 Kate. [Leading Lillian to table and arranging Jood.) The fault 
 •is not yours, Miss Fairehild; but the dire necessity of a wicked 
 world. Let me entreat you to be calm and sustain your sinking 
 nature by partaking of a little food. 
 
 Lil. To my famishing heart you offer me only the food that 
 will prolong its suffering! Tell me, tell me something of your 
 bond 'gfi, th it by the bonds of misery I may extend to you that 
 sympathy which my heart so much craves! 
 
 Kate. I cannot tell you, for* the very depth of your pure nature 
 would not let you understand. How can you, in all your innocence, 
 syrnp ithize with me, chained as I am by the galling links of love, 
 to a man whose noblest impulse is deceit, whose pride is cunning 
 and whose ambition, plunder. Urged on by a wicked ambition and 
 finding my love a means within his reach, he has pushed me before 
 him down the plain of infamy, until today, that Love is sharing its 
 throne with Fear, an abject slave to his tyrant hand. 
 
 Lil. And do you love him yet? 
 
 Kate. Love him! His very name sends a thrill through my 
 being, while the light of his eye causes my blood to rush in tor- 
 rents through my veins. The very thought that another may win 
 him, sets my brain on tire, blinds me to all purity and goodness 
 and renders me tit for the most hellish work it is possible for his 
 dark mind to conceive. 
 
 Lit. Knowing him to be bad, would you marry him and thus 
 perpetuate your slavery? 
 
 Kate. Marry him! Lives there a woman who would not marry 
 Jai-k Dempsy. with all his faults? 
 
30 A SCRAP OF 1JUOWN I'AFER. 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy, rear. 
 {Lillian and Kate start suddenly as if surprised.) 
 
 Demp. {Angrilly.) Jack Dempsy with all his faults is amply 
 able to take careot* himself. {To Kate.) Is this the way you obey my 
 orders? Go to your room this minute and stay there until I come. 
 I can settle my .own business with this young lady without your 
 intercession. (Kate starts for door rear and Lillian tries to inter- 
 cept her.) 
 
 Idl. Oh please don't go and leave me alone with this bad, wick 
 ed man! 
 
 Demp. {Forcing her back.) Back to your place you wild- 
 cat! I'm master here. [Kate hesitates and finally Ex. rear.' 
 You will learn alter a while that I am in complete authority here 
 and that all the opposition you can offer but adds to your discom- 
 fort. 
 
 Lit. {Defiantly.) Is it possible that one so utterly bereft of 
 manhood as to offer violence to a woman can claim even the sem- 
 blance of authority? Tell me, rather, that in your despotic mad- 
 ness you have violated every law of God and humanity to wreak 
 vengence upon one who has never injured you! 
 
 Demy. Y »ur insolence wins for you the frankness you shall re- 
 ceive, and I will begin by telling you tt at you are as powerless to 
 e cape as if you were in the innermost cell of the tombs. This is 
 my little kingdom where none dare question my authority, and 
 where I am gracious only to those whom I will. 
 
 Lil. But what have I done to brin^ the power of your wrath 
 down upon me? 
 
 Demp. {Smiling sneeringly.) Inadvertantly, Fate has allowed 
 the lines of our fortunes to cross, and in some way they have be- 
 come wonderfnly tangled. I have come to you to offer a solution 
 which I hope you will carefully consider. I will not insult your 
 good tas-te by a declaration of love at this inopportune moment, 
 but will frankly confess that a union of our destinies appears in- 
 evitable. {IAllian starts, but sustains herself by chair.) Sometime? 
 after the present emergency has passed, I may be able to convince 
 you of the absorbing devotion that has prompted me to take this 
 extreme measure. 
 
A SCltAI' OF BliOWN* I'Af'EK. 31 
 
 Lil. And this is the ransome your base, scheming heart has 
 placed upon my deliverance! After snatching me from the arms of 
 him, who, thank God, has a right to protect me, and subjecting me 
 to every discourtesy and torture it is in your wicked heart to de- 
 vise, y^u come to me, the promised wife of one of God's noblemen, 
 and dare to in ult me by offering me a position by the side of which 
 a mid-house would be a paradise! Go to her you have but just 
 banished from your presence, and consecrate to her what little 
 heart- what little manhood you have left. She, blinded by the love 
 of what you might be, may be able to rekindle the spark of fidelity 
 yet within you, and sive you from your accused and profitless life. 
 
 Demp. (Stepping forward.) Do you dare refuse my offer and cast 
 back upon me the ravings of a simpering fool? Do you realize 
 your position? 
 
 Lil. Yes, and dare you to do your worst! Though seemingly 
 within your power, I am hs much above you as the heavens are 
 above the earth! Your brusk bravado, calculated to intimidate 
 helpless clippies and defenceless women, has* no terror for me! 
 Yo ir cringing soul dare not tempt you to violence, and I defy your 
 lying tongue to do me injury! 
 
 Demp. (Stepping forward with clinched fist— Lillian raises chair 
 Dempsy backs.) Curse you, women! 1 will grind you to the earth! 
 You have dared defy me within the veiy walls where I reign su- 
 preme, and L swear by the God of destiny that you shall drain the 
 dregs of sorrow and dee-pair to the last drop. Till then, I leave 
 you in your mad folly to cry for pitty to these haunted walls! [Ex, 
 
 Lil. (Rushing to the door and, tries to make her escape. Rushes 
 from door to window, tries to raise sash, fails, breaks glass out of win- 
 dow with hand and tries shatters.) My God! My God! What shall 
 I do! What new torment is in store for me! Is there no hope 
 —Oh, what can I do! (Sees paper on table, snatches it up, bread jails 
 onf>or.) One ray of hope— One chance for liberty! (Burns match 
 a ,'d writes on paper. Coal wears off chars etc. Reads as she tvrites:) 
 I'M IN AWFUL PERIL! IN GODS NAME HELP ME! LIL- 
 LI AN F A I RC H I LI). ( Rushes to window, tucks paper through shutters 
 —retu ms toward table. ) Oh deai , how d ark, how— ( Swoons and falls 
 on floor. Dempsy appears window rear— waves scrap of brown paper. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
32 A SC Li A V O K B RO W N I J A 1'E li . 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 Scene!.- Full stage, private parlor in fashionable saloon > 
 .STate .Fi'eM discovered at table center, reading. 
 
 Kate. [Laying down paper.) Oh, clear, I wonder why that old 
 duffer don't come! Every moment seems like an hour, so crowded 
 is my vision wjlh the phantoms of the past. I feel at times as if 
 armies of angles and demons were contending for she possession 
 of my soul, while I am boa-re on k id, the, victim of a bli id destiny. 
 {Noise rear.) Hark! I hear him coming! [Rising and yoiny to door 
 rear.) 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy rear. 
 You Jack, I thought this whs to have b« en a private affaiiV 
 
 Demp. Oh, that is all right; only you have been so chicken-heart- 
 ed of late that I thought I would call early and give you a little 
 cheering up befo-e the old fellow showed up. You mu.^t renu m 
 ber that we are playing for desperate stakes tonight. 
 
 Kate. What do you expect to make out of this old coutrymanV 
 I warrant he has not a dozen shillings in his old rags. 
 
 Demp. Oh yes he has; his pockets are Pined with bank notes, 
 besides, a whole valley up in Vermont to say nothing of a liberal 
 bank account. [Exhibiting legal paper.) You see 1 have not been 
 idle all this time, and am only waiting to get the old fellow mellow- 
 ed up a little to make a good haul. By the way, I almost forgot to 
 give you that medicine. [Givirg pajoer.) Use it sparingly, as we 
 don't want the old fellow to go off on our h nids. 
 
 Kate. Oh Jack! Why will you lead such a lite when you might- — 
 Dtmp. There go ag.tin with your baby act! [Knocking at door 
 lear.) Ah, there is )o"r company. I will step in here and watch 
 through the key- hole to see how well you carry out the program. 
 
 Ex L. 2. 
 Enters Timothy Weed, Hear, in ''store clos." 
 Tim. I'll be tetotally consarned ef this don't look like home! 
 D' ye live here right along, or kinder stay here an' take yer meals 
 out on the street somewhere? 
 
 • Kate. [Setting chair left oj table for guest and seating hcrselj right.) 
 Oh, I live further up town but came here to meet my friends. 
 
A SCRAP OF BKOWN PAPER. 33 
 
 Tim. [Taking chair.) Well now that's real nice; how much d' 
 they charge fer a room like this? 
 
 Kate. Oh, they make no charge for the room; that all comes in 
 with the refreshments. 
 
 Tim. Well I'll be tetotally consarned if I don't go an 1 engage 
 rooms fer me an 1 Mariar at the same price! [Examining call bell.) 
 What's this new fangled sheep-bell dohr on the table here? [Bell 
 rings and servant appears L. 1. — Weed looks up, sees servant and 
 jumps up.) What in thunder do you want in here? 
 
 Servant. [Bowing.) Orders, sir, orders? 
 
 Tim. [Threateningly.) Orders, you black raskal! By scratch, I'll 
 give ye orders. [Begins to take off coat.) I'll show ye that ye don't 
 com->, in here snoopin' around when I'm entertain' a young lady! 
 
 Kate. [Trying to pacify him.) Why dear Mr Weed, the man 
 wants to know what you want in the way of refreshments. 
 {Helping him on 'with his coat and seating him.) You rung the bell 
 and lie has only come to see what you want. 
 
 Tim. Well I want ye ter get out o' here in three jerks of a lamb's 
 tail or I'll take my number nine from ye too quick! 
 
 Kate. But, my dear Mr. Weed, are you not going to order some 
 refreshments? I would like a bottle of wine. 
 
 Tim. Oh well, ef ye have a hankerin' arter anything have him 
 bring it a long. 
 
 Kate. But you have not given your order yet. 
 
 Tim,, Oh, well I guess I'll take beer ef you've got some 'at*s good. 
 [Ex servant.] Gosh all hemlocks! I'd a had that feller licked in 
 about a minit ef you hadn't set in. 
 
 Kate. You seem to be quite a stranger in the city! 
 Re-enters servant L 1. Bringing server, bottles, glasses, card oj fares. 
 
 Tim. [Picking up ticket.) Gosh all hemlock! Six dollars for 
 them two bottles? Can buy more'n a whole case o' beer in Scrub 
 Town for that, young man! H ant ye got a smaller size fer. less 
 mout- y ? ( Servant shakes head. ) 
 
 Kate. Why my dear Mr. Weed, I think that is very reasonable. 
 
 Tim. All right, let 'er go! Guess it wont break the bank. {Is 
 
34 A SCRAP OF J5UOVVN PAPER. 
 
 about to pay servant, is stopped by Kate who motions him to put his 
 
 money into his pocket. Grabs bottle, shakes it and is about to pull 
 
 cork Kate and servant fearful of explosion — Cork comes out and 
 
 strikes servant in face who retires in confusion L 1.) I'll be tetotally 
 
 consarned ef the blamed think wan't loaded! {Kate puts powder in 
 
 Weed's ylass, and fills her own with wine and begins sipping it. — 
 
 Weed is about to pour in glass when discovers powder.) How tarnal 
 
 slack these boardin' house woman are! Bet that glass hant been 
 
 washed fer more'n a month! [Empties powder from glass, wipes it 
 
 out with coat tail, and drinks from bottle. Makes up awful face.) 
 
 Well now, ef they c ill that good down here. I'd like to have 'em 
 
 get a swig of the stuf we have up in the hollar. 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy L. 2. 
 
 Both rise, Weed eyeing the intruder with suspicion 
 
 T)emp. {Enthusiastically.) Why if here isn't my old friend Weed 
 from Vermont! How do you get along Uncle Timothy! [Taking 
 hand and shaking it.) Why when did you come down— Saw your 
 name in the city papers, but didn't know just where to look you 
 up! 
 
 Tim. [Appering to Jail into the game.) That's so, son of my old 
 friend Bill Skinner who used to live over in skinner's Hollar, sure 
 as I live! Why, Sam, how are ye! [Shaking hands withavengence 
 — Dempsy winches and, tries to pull away. Continues shaking.) 1*11 
 be tetotally consarned ef I aiiit glad to see ye lookin' so well! 
 
 Demp. [ Getting his hand away and drawing up a chair to the 
 table, all seating.) Never felt better in the world, Uncle Timothy; 
 making money hand over fist! [Rings bell violently.) Lets have 
 some more wine— han't had a drop today. 
 
 Tim. Hem! yes, guess we had better. You buy this one -comes 
 a little high! 
 
 Enters Servant L R. ■ 
 
 Demp. Best Burgunda and glasses for three. [Ex Servant. To 
 
 Weed.) By the way, Uncle Tim., have you struck anything rich 
 since you come to the city? You used to know pretty near where 
 all the loose dollars lay around Scrub Town, you remember. 
 [Enters servant L 1 with order setsit down and retires L 1.) Guess I'll 
 have to take you around and show you the city a little. [Pours 
 
A 8CKAP OK BKOWN PAPER. 35 
 
 out wine in three glasses, slipping powder into one. Hits beer bcttle 
 with elbow and knockes it off table. Dempsy and Kate both stoop to 
 get it— Weed reaches over, changes glasses and holds wine up to light.) 
 Oh, that's the genuine article, Uncle Tim., been here before! {All 
 touch glasses.) Here's success, and that we may long live, love and 
 be happy! [All drink.) 
 
 Tim. {Smacking his moutM) By scratch that's fine! Guess I'll 
 have another glass! {Pours out more wine, drinks it off and smacks 
 his lip.)^ Gosh all hemlock! Han't had anything so good as that 
 since the cows come in. ( Takes up bottle, holds it toward light, shakes 
 it and drinks what is lejt, Dempsy shows signs of unconscioi sness . 
 Kate watching Weed, Weed rising.) Say, young lady, aint it about 
 time ye was agoin' hum? Maybe yer ma wouldn't like ter have ye 
 out late ef she knowed where ye was. Taint no place fer a young 
 gal and its time ye was agoin". My young friend here has got 
 drunker'n a fool an' I'll gest step ter the door and have one o'them 
 blue coated constables come and carry him out. {Kate hesitates.) 
 Come now, mosy right out, or maybe they'll want ter take ye along 
 t* r identify 'im. ( Takes Kate by shoulder and gently pushes her out 
 rear.) 1'Jl be tetotally consarned ef things don't change around 
 here quicker'n the weather in hayin' time. Guess I'll look this 
 feller over'n see if he's got anything 'at might hurt 'im. {Finds 
 revolver, extract* balls and puts them, in his mouth.) Bill Skinner' d 
 never let his boy carry shootin' irons around like that, and L know 
 it. (Puts revolver back and searches pockets; finds scrap oj brown pa- 
 per. Holds it to the light and tries to read.) Durned poor writin, I 
 call it, but maybe's the best he could do. {Reads.) "I'm in awful 
 peril; in God's name help me. Lillian Faikchild." I'll 
 be tetotally consarned ef I don't b'live Tom'd like to see that. 
 (Sticks it into pocket -Dempsy shows signs of returning consciousness.) 
 Took kinder a short nap after all, but 1 reckon it'll do 'im good. 
 
 Demp. Where am IV (Rubbing his eyes and head.) Have I been 
 asleep? Heavens! How T my head aches! 
 
 Tim. Guess that wine was a little to much for ye; er maybe ye 
 got hold of the wrong glass. I feel bully! (Holds up bottle and 
 tries to get the last drop.) 
 
iJti A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 
 
 Demp. (Jumping up.) By heavens, I've been drugged! (Places 
 hand to pocket, draws out legal paper with one hand and revolver with 
 the other. Throws paper upon table and points revolver at Weed.) 
 Sign that paper this minute or you are a dead man! 
 
 Tim. (Deliberately unfolding paper and looking it over. Looking 
 up.) Why, Gosh all hemlock, that's a warrantee deed o' Weed's 
 Hollar! Why that farm's worth a heap o' money young teller! 
 
 Demp. Will you sign that paper or die? 
 
 Tim. Can't do it, young feller; don't want ter sell the hollar 
 no how. 
 
 Dtmp. Sign that paper, or when I say three, you die! One— 
 Two- 
 
 Tini. [Leardng buck and folding his arms.) Shoot, Burgoyne, 
 yer gun aint loaded ! 
 
 Tim. Three! (Fires; Weed takes ball from mouth an I tossss 
 back at him. Repeat rix times. Dempsy turns and rushes off d >or 
 near.) 
 
 Tim. Gosh all hemlock! How that pistol must a kicked! (Laughs 
 immoderately.) 
 
 \ Draws of to scene 2.] , 
 
 Scene 2— Front third— Street. Enters Dude L. adjusting 
 eyeglass, swinging umbrella. Qoes R. turnes, passes back and forth 
 across stage. 
 
 Dude. How butufully butuful! Quite th' poppar ring Aw de- 
 clawr! Wonderful pomenade! Aw wagor thai',* mor'nforty putty 
 gwirls lookiif at me this wery minute! Aw how wery propper. Aw 
 only had a little muzb! Aw declawr Aw could sing. (Music starts 
 up; Sings.) 
 
 Aw'oi quite aw catch so people saway, 
 For Aw win thwar hawts wi' ma takin' way; 
 But mi tailowr bills, Aw never pway— 
 Thewr sent to ma p f iw in Brooklyn. 
 
 Chorus:— Aw walk th' stweets wr ma little feet, 
 
 Aund fix ma eye on all Aw meet; (Adjusting glass.) 
 
 But th' way thway stawr when Aw chance to speak 
 Is tewrribly awfully awful. 
 
Chorus: 
 
 Chorus: 
 
 Chorus: 
 
 A SCRAF Ob BROWN TAl'JDR. <i « 
 
 Aw'm weally one o' th' uppor qwost— 
 Aw spwort ma cain wi' an awful wush — 
 But wot would Aw do if ma paw should bust. 
 Fwor Aw live wi' ma maw in Brooklyn. 
 
 Ma gloves ar' of th' pwopper shade, 
 Th' latwest stwile is all th' wage; (Spreads pantaloons .) 
 Au' thwat twerrible bill thwat the twalor made 
 Was paid b' ma paw in Brooklyn. 
 
 B'hind th' scenes Aw'm quite a wake— 
 Aw pay all the bills thwat th' dwear ones make; 
 An' ma sweet mustach is an awful twake 
 Wi' th' dwear sweet gwirls in Brooklyn. 
 
 Enters Andy R. 
 
 'Andy. ( Taking off dude's little hat and placing it upon his own 
 head, own hat under arm — Dude looks in constarnation while Andy 
 passes L and R.) Ouch, its tirribly orfully orful! 
 
 Dude. How twerible; Aw do dweclar! Quite absurd. 
 
 Andy. (Placing his own hat upon the dude's head.) Sai how ye'd 
 look wid a mon's hat on yer head! (Laughing extravigantly. Sure, 
 it'd take more'n a mon's hat ter make a mon of yez! Ye'd have 
 ter be milted op and run over agin before ye iver come to that! 
 
 Enters Stub L, makes motion as if to spit upon Dude's feet — 
 Dude jumps— Stub Ex R. 
 
 Andy. Ouch, Oi belaive thot hat is givin' ma a big could in ma 
 hid. (Changes hats and sneezes.— Dude jumps violently. Repeats 
 sneezing until dude is driven over foot-lights corner stage R. Dude 
 spreds umbrella and couches und.tr it as if in a storm. Peaks over 
 umbrella.) 
 
 Enters Mary Ann L. 
 (Going to meet her.) Ouch, me darlint, Oi was gist thankin' of yer 
 own swate self this very minute. 
 
 M. A. (Doubtfully.) Was it of meself yer was thankin' and 
 narely breakin' yer neck noddin' to the pretty girruls over there in 
 tha corner? 
 
 Andy. Sure, me darlint, Oi got somethin' fast betwixt me eyes. 
 
88 A SCKAP OF BUOWN PAPER. 
 
 an' Oi was sneezin' it loost. 
 
 M. A. [Sticking fist between eyes— Andy jumps back.) Washt it 
 loik that? 
 
 Audy. Ouch, M ary Ann, ye've thrown a whold* handful of stars 
 in me eyes. Oi'll niver snaze agin asht long as Oi live! But Mary 
 Ann! 
 
 M. A. [Looking other way.) What shall oi say, me bie? 
 
 Andy. Hident ye bather kape yer sthrength for palin preaties? 
 
 M. A. Niver ye moind about that, me bie! Oi kin pale more 
 than preaties wid me fisht. But say, Andy, where is Mishter 
 Wade? 
 
 Andy. [Examining nose.) Gone. 
 
 M. A. Gonewhire? 
 
 Andy. [Rubbing nose violently .) Crazy. 
 
 M. A. And hisen't he found the misthriss yit? 
 
 Andy. Niver a worud has he heard at all, a' tall; but ha's after 
 the bloody blarguard thot conducted her. 
 
 M. A. ^abstracted her ye mane, Andy? 
 
 Andy. Divil a whit" do Oi care how she wint, sha's not been 
 found yit ouyhow. 
 
 M. A. And what are ye doin' here, Andy, that yer not halpin' 
 the mashter? 
 
 Andy. Sure Oi'm feastin' me eyes on yer own swate face, so Oi 
 am. 
 
 M. A. [Rushes off L.) Niver a whit o' yer blarney will Oi haive 
 agin 'till ye foind the mishtress. Go be a mon, Andy, and niver 
 slape till ye've run down the spalpeen that stold her aw r ey. 
 
 Andy. [ Watching he?' off" L.) Sure, me darlint, It's a big job 
 ye've been givin' me, but Oi'll tackle it like a mon. [Bushes off R 
 sneezing at dude in passing. 
 
 [Dude cautiously creeps back on stage with umbrella partly 
 spread, looking around him jor danger. Dempsy appeal s R , Tom 
 Weed appears L. Both draw revolvers. Dude rushes R then L very 
 much frightened. Finally drops upon knees center and raises um- 
 brella. Dempsy and, Weed fire simultaneously.) 
 Enters Mr. and Mrs Weed R. 
 
 {D%de rushes back to hiding place. Mrs. Weed takes after Dempsy 
 
A SCRAP OF BROWN PAPER. 89 
 
 and drives him off R. with umbrella — Mr. Weed takes weapon Jrom 
 Tom and sticks it into his own pocket. ) 
 
 Tim. I'll be tetotally consarned ef this ain't as good as goin' 
 ter see the cow-boy show down to Scrub Town last summer! Is, 
 ferafact! Hadn't orter fool with them shootin' irons, my boy; 
 knowd a man that got hurt wonst. 
 
 Mrs. W. (Coming up excitedly.) Why Tom, ye mount o' hit 'iin, 
 and then what'd ye say? 
 
 Tom. I should say I had rid the world of a base, heartless vil- 
 lian. 
 
 Tim. Guess that's all right, Tom; but ye'd better do it at 
 gov'ment expense. 
 
 [Dude examines umbrella and wipes it off with handkerchief. Ap" 
 pr<> aches Mrs. Weed who turnes on him and scares off R. 
 
 T>m. I believe that man to be the abductor of Lillian Fairchild. 
 
 Tim. I'll be tetotally consan.ed ef I don't guess yer aboi.t level 
 on that, Tom! [To Mrs. Weed.) lleie, Mariar, hold yer apron and 
 see ef I've lost that paper. (Unloads all his pockets and finds scrap 
 of paper.) There, by scratch, I knewed I hadn't lost it. (Handing 
 paper to Tom and re-loading pockets.) 
 
 Tom. (Reading.) "I'M in awful peril! In God's name 
 help we!" Great God, this is from Lillian! [Rushes off L. 
 
 Tim. (Following.) Hold on, Tom; an' me and yer mother'll 
 go aloDg! [Both Ex L 
 
 [Draws off to full stage scene.] 
 
 Scene 3.— Full stage. Converging from L. rear and R, rear. 
 Enters Jack Dempsy R 2. 
 Demp. (Pacing to and fro and looking L. 2.) Not here yet, and 
 she is uasually so prompt. I don't krow what has taken posession 
 ot that girl lately; she seems to block my wheels in every way I 
 am a mind to turn. Zounds! I half believe at times she's jealous! 
 11 i, ha! well, I don't know but she has a right to be; half a million 
 dollars aiut picked up every day, to say nothing of a sprightly young 
 wild cat thrown in. First Ithought I'd keep the girl till she'd give 
 
Ul A SCRAP OK 'BROWN PAPER. 
 
 in. and then offer to settle with her for half, but the more I've 
 thought it over, the more I've changed my mind, and I guess 
 I'll marry her, fortune and all. Wonder what Tom Reed would 
 say to that! [Looking at match.) Confound that girl, I wonder 
 what's keeping her! It seems that everything goes against me 
 of late! Ah, here she comes now. 
 
 Enters Kate Field L 2. 
 Hello, what kept you so? 
 
 Kate. I could not come before. 
 
 Demp. Why? Anybody there ? 
 
 Kate. No one but Miss Fairchild. 
 
 Demp. So you've been talking with her again, have you? Didn't 
 1 tell you to keep away from her? 
 
 Kate. What if you did? 
 
 Demp. What if I did! Haven't I a right to talk to her if I 
 want to? 
 
 Kate. No sir; not for the purpose you have in view. 
 
 Demp. Who is it that dare challenge my right to talk to her 
 when, where and how I choose? 
 
 Kate. She, the man that she has promised to wed, God and 
 
 Justice. 
 
 Demp. And you— haven't you something to say about it? 
 
 Kate. No! There was a time when I claimed your promise 
 that I prized as the highest gift of my inheritance; and when even 
 the thought of your inconstancy would have driven me to madness. 
 But that is past, and I have come here to tell you that I no longer 
 love or fear you. You came to me in my purity, and taught me to 
 love you. I believed you to be what you pretended— the soul of hon- 
 or. You took all and gave me nothing in return. You lured mc 
 from home and friends, and filled my life with shame until I could 
 no longer claim a place in their hearts. You have dragged me 
 down, down into the sloughs of crime, and now you cast me off 
 for your new victim. But Jack Dempsy, Lillian Fairchild will 
 never succomb to you tyranny, or link her life to one so utterly 
 deprived of everything that goes to make up manhood. 
 
 Demp. {Advancing with clinched jfist.) Shut up this hellish jeal- 
 ousy or 1 will choke the words down your throat. What do vou 
 
A SCHAF OF BKOWS I'Al'EIi. 41 
 
 suppose a man in my position wants of a woman of your standing 
 in society! What lady of position would open her doors to 
 Kate Field, the street woman; and what pride I would take in in- 
 troducing such a w«-man as my wife! Bosh! If you ever had such 
 a idea in your head, abandon it at once. As for Lillian Fair- 
 rhiM, that is my business, and the half a million at stake only 
 mal e* the game more interesting. So far as her consent, there's 
 many a woman prefers marriage to something worse. 
 
 Kate. Is there nothing that will disuade you in your hellish de- 
 termination V 
 
 I temp. Nothing! Rather than see Lillian Fairchild the wife of 
 another, I would mingle our life-currents in a crimson stream and 
 laugh defiance to God and man! Before she shall ever leave yon- 
 der dungeon other than my wife, her bones shall mingle with the 
 dust of ruins, while the crimson tongue of the fiery demon shall 
 feast upon all that is mortal of Lillian Fairchild. 
 
 Kate. Listen then. Lillian Fail chill shall never be your wife! Call 
 it jealously, call it madness, call it what you will, but I warn )OU 
 that within this hour I will turn you over to the authorities, the 
 twice-ten-times criminal that you are! (Dempsy advances, placing 
 hand in vest.) Strike, coward, if you dare! It will only add one 
 more blood stain to your blackened soul, while it may spare me a 
 few heartachs and a life of sorrow and degredation! [Kate tkrous 
 up her arm, baring her heart for his blow -Dempsy draws knife and 
 is about to strike when Dude rushes in L 2, knocks the knife out of hii 
 hand with his umbrella, kicks it off stage R and belablcs Dempsy with 
 umbrella driving him off R 2. During time, Kate Ex L 2. Dude 
 becomes suddenly scart, faints and falls upon stage center.) 
 Enters Mary Ann R 1. 
 
 M. A. (Going to dude,, sees that he has only fainted and brings him 
 to consciousness.) Sure OiVe found a dead mon-Naw, he^s only 
 losht his wind! No wather, no salts, no nothin' to bring him out. 
 Wait a bit and Oi'll fich him out of it. ( Takes pin and sticks it into 
 dude— jumping back.) 
 
 Dude. (Recovering rising a id looking around as if in fear.) Aw! 
 Aw thot aw was hurt! 
 M. A. (Going L -aside.) Sure Qi thot twasa man all the while. 
 
42 A SCJRAP OF BKOWN PATJSR. 
 
 Dude. [Seeing Mary Ann, begins desperate flirtation which pleases 
 her.) Aw! Ma 3 wear young ladaw! 
 
 Andy appears B 1. 
 {Flirtation continued— Andy catches Dude by shoulders, shakes him 
 thoroughly, hits him with knee, Dude dances and tries to get away— 
 Andy runs him off L 3. 
 
 Andy. Sure, Oi have a moind to shake the britches off of 'im! 
 (Sees Mary Ann L but goes It— pouting and looking over lejt shoulder.) 
 
 M. A. ( Coming for ward,) Andy — Andy— Andy me bie! Did ye 
 know that yer svvate-heart was calling ye? (Andy acts mad and 
 won't look around— touches him on the arm.) Andy, me darlint, was 
 ye mad at yer own Mary Ann? 
 
 Andy. (Jerking his shoulders.) Go darlint the jnde! Oi*m net 
 yer darlint, Orm goin' to marry Biddy McFliggin, so Oi am! 
 
 M. A. Sure, Andy, me darlin, ye should not be angry wid yer 
 own Mary Ann gist becase she was havin' a bit o* fun wid a jude. 
 Sure it was but a wee bit of a flirtation. (Touching his ribs.) 
 
 Andy. (Jumping and laughing.) O-ouch, Mary Ann, how can ye 
 make me laugh whin me heart is breakin' for the loiks of ye! 
 
 M. A. Sure Oi knowd that ye'd not be angry all the whoile! Now 
 Indent ye bather ax me pardin' and make all up over again? (Put- 
 ting up cheek to be kissed.) 
 
 Andy. (Throwing arm around waist and drawing her to hi?n.) 
 Sure, me darlint, makin' ope is for all the woruld loik sparkin' all 
 over agin. (Takes handkerchief, ivipes a place on her cheek and kiss- 
 es her.) What say ye? Shall we have a bit of a song fer company 
 loik? 
 
 M. A. Aid roit, me darlint, and Oi'll help ye out a bit. 
 
 (Sings.) 
 
 Andy. If iver Oi marry, me darlint shall be 
 The swatest of women that iver ye sai, 
 Oi'il hug her and kiss her and love her so will 
 That she'll niver repiut it— Oi will, so Oi will. 
 Both dance < Tratal de ral li da, tra tal de ral a 
 and sing. \ Tra tal de ral li da, tra tal de ral e. 
 (He) Oi'll hug her and kiss her and love her so will 
 That she niver 1 ]! repiut it — Oi will, so Oi will. 
 
A SCKAL' OK BUOWX TAPER. 4cJ 
 
 M. A. If iver Oi marry, me darlint shall be ■ 
 
 A true Insli bie from the isle o'er thn sai; 
 And if he should squaze me, indade Oi'll not jump 
 Nor call for me mammy— Oi won't; no, Oi won't. 
 Both sing ( Tra tol de ral li da, tra tal de ral a; 
 and dance. \ Tra tol de ral li da, tra tal de ral e, 
 
 (She) And if he should squaze me, indade Oi'll not jump 
 Nor call for me mammy — Oi won't; no, Oi won't. 
 
 Both. Thin whin we are married so happy we'll be 
 
 In our nate little cot— gist me drtiiint and me. 
 He. Oi'Jl save all me earnings to put in the till 
 
 And stay home iveiy livening— Oi will, so Oi will. 
 She in ) Oi niver will blame him— me d.irluil, me trump 
 concert. ) Nor scold him for sm<»kiu'— Oi won't; no, Oi won't, 
 v Tra tal de ral li da, tra tal de ral a; 
 Both. ) Tra tal de ral li da, tra tal de ral e. 
 
 {Both repeat their separate lines in concert.) 
 * Fire-bell rings offR 3. 
 Andy. Sure, Mary Ann, there's goin' to be a fire, lets go to it! 
 ( Glow red light is seen off R 3.) [Both rush off R 2. 
 
 Enters Dempsy R 3. 
 Demp. {Looking back at fire.) Ha, ha! Thwart my plans, will 
 they! Ere this, Lillian Fairchild is beyond the reach of human 
 assistance! [Rushes off L 1. 
 
 Enters Tom Weed L 2. 
 Tom. My God! The tenament is on fire! [Rushes off R 3. 
 
 Enters Kate Field L 3. 
 Kate. {Sees fire, throws up hands — Fire grows brighter.) Great 
 heavens! The dugeon is on fire! Lillian, Oh, Lillian! God de- 
 liver her from that wicked man! (Starts off R 3, looks, throws up 
 hands.) Thank God, she's saved! 
 
 Enters Tom Weed R 3, bearing Lillian unconscious in his arms. 
 
 Enters Jack Dempsy L i, with drawn poniard. 
 Demp. {TakincfWeed by throat and swinging knife above his head.) 
 Death to everyone that crosses my path! ( Weed tries to stay his 
 hand.) 
 
 Enters Timothy Weed R. 2— rushing toward Dempsy and catches arm. 
 QUICK CURTAIN. 
 
 Suggestion.— King fire-bell in covered box or barrel to give distance. 
 
•11 A SCBA'f OK BKOWN I'Ai'EK. 
 
 ACT IV. 
 
 S CENii ).— Tom Weed's new home. Mary Ann discovered with 
 a duster in hand setting things to rigid— Singing. 
 
 M. A. Sure Oive dusted ivery room in the whole house, paled 
 the preaties, set the bread to brewin' and got iverything ready for 
 Miss Lillian and Mashter Wade's return from the schurch. Sure 
 their's a foin pair as iver jumpped over the broom-stick and 
 Oi hope that bloody Dempsy'll let them alone' so Oi do. He's a 
 durthy blarguard as disarves hangin' an Oi hope the palace will 
 git him yit, Oi shouldn't wander if hed be killin'some of us before 
 they catch the loiks of him. Ah, here comes me darlint. (Vtry 
 busy with brush and does not took up.) 
 
 Enters Andy R 1. 
 
 Andy. [Throws kisses at Mary Ann, vAnks and tries to attract her 
 attention. Finally jumps and catches her.) Ouch, me darlint who's 
 got ye now? 
 
 M. A. (Screams.) Och! for the loife of me, who is it that's skeer- 
 in' me out o' me wits! (Leans heavily in his arms.) 
 
 Andy, f Straightening her up.) Sure and the mashter said Oi should 
 come ope and help yez about gitin' the dinner ready whoilst the} 
 wint for the parson. 
 
 M. A. Och, and is it dinner yer afther helpin' me wid! Sure 
 the dinner is narely riddy aid ready. (Begins dusting again.) 
 
 Andy. (Sniffiing.) Sure Oi smil the chicken is burnin. (Starts 
 toward door rear. ) 
 
 M. A. (Looking up.) Oi say Andy! 
 
 Andy. What is it me darlint? 
 
 M. A. Was ye goin' out agin? 
 
 Andy. Gist to fix the faier, me swate-hart. 
 
 M. A. Thin when ye come back, gist scare me agin. (Ex Andy 
 rear.) Sure that bie will tease the loife out of me. 
 Re-enters Andy rear, tvith chicken leg. 
 
 Andy. (Eating.) Oi say. Mary Ann; Yer chicken is a little too 
 fresh. 
 
A SOKAf OF BKOWN PAl'ELl. 45 
 
 M. A. {Taking ajterhim chasing him around stage wiU duster.) Its 
 no fresher than the loiks of ye, who'll be snoopiu' in the pot for the 
 bisht piece. 
 
 Andy. Sure, and Oi was only afther the wish-bone! Tbemashtfr 
 would not care about th >t, now. {Looks off' R. 2.) Sure Mary Ann, 
 the mashter is coming. {Goes left and hides behind Mary Ann, pick- 
 ing bone rapidly.) 
 
 Enters Tom. and Lillian in bridal robe, Mr. and Mrs. Weed, Kate 
 and the dude R. 1. 
 
 Tom. {Takir.g her hands.) Lillian, iry wife, a tbeward times 
 welcome to our little home; none the less sacred for the terrible 
 hours of torture— days that seemed an eternity of sorrow. It shall 
 be a haven of rest and safety, where, sin rounded by faithful and lov- 
 ing friends, my life shall be devoted to blotting out the memory of 
 the terrible anguish my love has caused you. 
 
 Lil. Not your love, Tom; but the misfortune of being rich with- 
 out knowi rg it. But I do not feel safe, even in this be antiful re- 
 treat as long as that wicked man is at liberty. Who knows but 
 this very moment he might rush in upon us and carry out his awful 
 threat. 
 
 Andy. ( Wiping h i 's mouth on Mary Ann's apron, comes out of his 
 hiding place and draws long knife from neck with difficulty and 
 strikes defensive attitude.) Let him come! Oi repate it sor. lit him 
 come! ( Walks R. andL. across stage at "present arms.'' 1 — Stops at 
 Mary Ann's side L. 
 
 Tom. There is no danger of that, Lillian, the officers are in hot 
 persuit and he cannot long eacape them. However I wish you 
 were the poor girl I wooed and won, beyond the reach of evil this 
 great wealth may throw around you. 
 
 Tim. I -11 be tetotally consarned ef I dont think that boy's goin' 
 crazy. {Coming up and taking hold of Tom's arm.) Don't be atferd 
 of the money, Tom; it won't hurt ye a bit. Can find more'n forty 
 men up in Vermont that'd take care of it fer ye, and not charge 
 ye a cent. {Aside.) Don't know but I could help the boy out a 
 little myself on a pinch. 
 
 Lit. {Laughing.) Oh, I don't doubt but we shall be able to find 
 
46 A SCRAP OF BROWN i'APER. 
 
 a way to take care of it, and make it a great blessing in caring for 
 these friends who have befriended us in our hour of peril. [Andy 
 shakes money in pocket and looks wise.) 
 
 Mrs. W. (To Lillian.) Yes, an" in buvin' dishes and things ter 
 keep house with, an 1 close, an' so on— howsorhever I ve gut a lot 
 o' Tom's or close as aint entirely weard out yit, 'at 'ud do with a 
 little darning now an* then. 
 
 Lil. Oh, thank you, mother, I am sure we shall do very nicely. 
 
 Tim. 1 say, Tom. ef yer goin' ter have dead loads o' money, yer 
 mint all come u;> and -pend a week at the Hollar. Yer ma an 1 me 
 lows ter take this young gal out ter live with us in the Hollar, and 
 the rest o" ye can gist as well go along. 
 
 Lil. Oh, no, no: father! 1 cannot consent to that just yet. 
 Miss Field must remain with me until she overcomes this despon- 
 dency and then we will talk about a trip to the country. Mary 
 Am) must stay and help me about keeping the house, and I am 
 sure we will get along very nicely. 
 
 .! ' ; y. And plase. mum, ye'll warnt ma to dhrive the chickens 
 to wather? 
 
 L'J. 01- yoia will have to stay and watch Mary Ann. 
 
 I>u>le. [Who has been standing near entrance It 1, biting end of 
 umbrella.) Aw do declawr! Quite left out Aw must sway. 
 
 Kate. Nut entirely, Mr. Stibbins; you and I will go into the 
 lit n t mission a) y work, both having a most excellent subject: and 
 pei h.ips through our own short-comings we may learn to be more 
 charitable to others. [Dude makes very low bow, takes her hand and 
 touches it to his lips.) 
 
 Tim. I'll be tetotally codsarned ef this aint gettirf jolly! Feel 
 just as if I could dance a jig! Choose yer paitners for the funny 
 musk! [Music starts up.) All join hands and circle to the left! 
 
 Positions. 
 
 Mks. Weed. Mr. Weed, Lillian. Tom, 
 
 B. Kate. Dude, Mary Ann, Andy, L. 
 
 F i hu k e : Circle left — Chassez to sides —forward all — forward 
 
 and pass through— Ladies change— half promenade— half right and 
 
 left - chassez by couples — forward all— forward and pass though — 
 
A SCLiAP OK BKOWN PAPBK. 47 
 
 ladies change- half promenade— half right and left — ehassez by cou- 
 ple-forward all—forward again, form half circle and forward all 
 — recede. 
 
 Gun is fired without— music ceases - Dempsy rushes in R 1. 
 with drawn poniard, rushes to Lillian— Tom steps between, Mr. Weed 
 fells Dempsy >vith left hand— Andy couches behind Mary Ann and 
 begins to draw out long knife. 
 Tim. That's one I had left. 
 
 Enters officers with revolvers in hand and captures Dempsy. 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 "Tangled Lives." 
 
 The dramatization of Barrett Sylvester's novel of same name by 
 the author of -A Scrap of Buown Papek/ is an Emotional 
 Domestic Drama of great force. English costumes. 
 
S?* RY 0F CONGRESS 
 
 016 165 765 7 %