Sir David 
 
 Wears 
 A Crown 
 
 BY 
 
 STUART WALKER 
 
 
 
 '-'-'■~y\ 
 
 .■'>■;,-/;#.■; 
 
 Stewart Kidd 
 
 MODERN PLAYS 
 
 EDITED BY 
 
 FRANK SHAY 
 
Stewart Kidd Play Series 
 
 The Portmanteau Plays 
 
 By STUART WALKER 
 
 Edited and with an introduction by Edward Hale Bierstadt 
 
 Brooklyn Eagle: "All of the plays in these attractive maroon 
 volumes are literary without being pedantic, and dramatic 
 without being noisy. They are a genuine addition to the 
 steadily growing list of worthwhile plays by American drama- 
 tists. Stewart Kidd are to be congratulated on presenring 
 them to the public in such attractive format." 
 
 Vol. I — Portmanteau Plays 
 
 Introduction 
 
 The Trimplet 
 
 Nevertheless 
 
 Six Who Pass While the Lentils Boil 
 
 Medicine Show 
 
 Vol. 2 — ^More Portmanteau Plays 
 
 Introduction 
 
 The Lady of the Weeping Willow Tree 
 
 The Very Naked Boy 
 
 Jonathan Makes a Wish 
 
 Vol. 3 — Portmanteau Adaptations 
 
 Introduction 
 
 Gammer Gurton's Needle 
 
 The Birthday of the Infanta 
 
 Sir David Wears a Crown 
 
 Nellijumbo 
 
 Each of the above volumes handsomely hound and illus- 
 trated. Per volume net, in Silk Cloth, $2.^0; K Turkey 
 Morocco, $8.$o. 
 
/ STEWART KIDD MODERN PLAYS / 
 Edited by Frank Shay ^ 
 
 SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
Stewart Kidd Play Series 
 
 The Portmanteau Plays 
 
 By STUART WALKER 
 
 Edited and with an introduction by Edward Hale Bierstadt 
 
 Brooklyn F^gle: "All of the plays in these attractive maroon 
 volumes are Uterary without being pedantic, and dramatic 
 without being noisy. They are a genuine addition to the 
 steadily growing list of worthwhile plays by American drama- 
 tists. Stewart Kidd are to be congratulated on presenting 
 them to the public in such attractive format." 
 
 Vol. I — Portmanteau Plays 
 
 Introduction 
 
 The Trimplet 
 
 Nevertheless 
 
 Six Who Pass While the Lentils Boil 
 
 Medicine Show 
 
 Vol. 2 — More Portmanteau Plays 
 
 Introduction 
 
 The Lady of the Weeping Willow Tree 
 
 The Very Naked Boy 
 
 Jonathan Makes a Wish 
 
 Vol. 3 — Portmanteau Adaptations 
 
 Introduction 
 
 Gammer Gurton's Needle 
 
 The Birthday of the Infanta 
 
 Sir David Wears a Crown 
 
 Nellijumbo 
 
 Each of the above volumes handsomely bound and illus- 
 trated. Per volume net, in Silk Cloth, $2.^0; ^ Turkey 
 Morocco, $8.$o. 
 
^SIK DAVID 
 WEARS A CROWN 
 
 BY 
 
 STUART WALKER 
 
 Author of Portmanteau Plays and More Portmanteau Plays 
 and Portmanteau Adaptations 
 
 CINCINNATI 
 
 STEWART KIDD COMPANY 
 
 PUBLISHERS 
 
 L^ 
 

 Copyright, 1922, by 
 STEWART KIDD COMPANY 
 
 y 
 
 All Rights Reserved 
 Copyright in England 
 
 
 This play is fully protected by copyrights. All public 
 performances are forbidden. All dramatic and produc- 
 ing rights are retained by Stuart Walker, who may be 
 addressed at 304 Carnegie Hall, New York City. 
 
 MAR 1 7 1922 
 
 OLD 6 0403 
 
 t^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 ^vvD, i- 
 
MURAT THEATRE, INDIANAPOLIS, JUNE 24, 
 
 1921 
 
 THE FIRST PERFORMANCE OF 
 
 SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 A Play in One Act 
 (A Sequel to Six Who Pass While the Lentils Boil) 
 
 Prologue to the Performance . .Tom Powers 
 
 The Prologue Edwin Noel 
 
 The Device-Bearer James Morgan 
 
 You-in-the-Audience You and Others 
 
 The Population Aldrich Bowker 
 
 The Soldiery John Wray 
 
 The Mime Oscar Davisson 
 
 The Milkmaid Helen Burch 
 
 The Blindman Walter Vonnegut 
 
 The Ballad-Singer Stuart Walker 
 
 The King's Trumpeter Oakley Richey 
 
 His Majesty, The King George Somnes 
 
 The King's Councillor Robert McGroarty 
 
 The King's Great-Aunt Elizabeth Patterson 
 
 The Headsman McKay Morris 
 
 Her Majesty, The Queen Judith Lowry 
 
 Sir David Little-Boy Robert Masters 
 
 His Mother Blanche Yurka 
 
 Scenery designed by Stuart Walker and Oakley Richey. Cos- 
 tumes by Frank j. Zimmerer and Wilmot Heitland. Properties by 
 Frank J. Zimmerer. 
 
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SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 A PLAY IN ONE ACT 
 
 (A Sequel to Six Who Pass While the 
 Lentils Boil) 
 
 An Outline of Six Who Pass While the 
 Lentils Boil 
 
 While the Boy watches boiling lentils for his Mother, 
 six people pass: The condemned ^een, whom he 
 promises to hide until after the hour set for her 
 decapitation; the Mime, who tempts him to leave 
 his duty; the Milkmaid, who tells him of the 
 reward offeredfor the ^een and makes him wish 
 he had not made a promise; the Blindman, who 
 shows him why it is best to keep a promise; the 
 Ballad-Singer, who would rather wander all his 
 life than break a promise; and the dreadful 
 Headsman who, outwitted by the Boy, finds the 
 ^ueen too late. Her Majesty gratefully knights 
 Sir David Little-Boy and takes him in state to 
 the Kings castle. He is free to go, because by 
 this time the lentils have boiled. He has done his 
 duty and he has kept his promise. 
 
CHARACTERS 
 
 The Prologue 
 The Device-Bearer 
 you-in-the-audience 
 
 The Population 
 The Soldiery 
 The Mime 
 The Milkmaid 
 The Blindman 
 The Ballad-Singer 
 The King's Trumpeter 
 His Majesty, the King 
 The King's Councillor 
 Her Highness, the King's Great- 
 Aunt 
 The Headsman 
 Her Majesty, the Queen 
 Sir David Little-Boy 
 His Mother 
 
 The scene is a gateway to the King's Castle. 
 The time ts when you will. 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 {The Prologue and the Device-Bearer enter ^ 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 I am the Prologue. He is the Device-Bearer. 
 I am here to tell you about the play that hides 
 behind these curtains. He serves the simple 
 purpose of balancing me as a decoration. 
 (The Prologue claps his hands and the Device- 
 Bearer sits at the side of the stage and henceforth 
 is nothing more than a small part of the picture^ 
 It is possible that something difficult may creep 
 into this simple play. If there is anything you 
 do not understand I shall be glad to explain it 
 to you. 
 YOU [in audience) 
 
 While the play is going* on? 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Of course. 
 
 YOU 
 
 That will be disturbing. 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Why? If one must talk in the theater every- 
 body ought to be allowed to hear. 
 Now the interesting thing about this play is 
 that it isn't true at all. It is all make-beUeve. 
 Nobody in it ever was^ and, unless you do your 
 part, no one in it ever will be. 
 
 YOU 
 
 What can we do? 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Believe. 
 
 YOU 
 
 I can't believe what isn't real. 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Then make it real. . . . Here are the cur- 
 tains. They divide you and them. . . . You 
 are real, perhaps, and they are make-believe, 
 surely. When these curtains open will you 
 come here, shall they go there, or will you, both 
 you and they, forget everything except the 
 play? 
 
 So, remove your hats, dear ladies, fix your hair 
 once and for all. Clear your throats, you 
 husky men, and cough now, for the play be- 
 gins. Amongst you there are some so young, 
 so eternally young, that they will soon be lost 
 in the story. Do not disturb them if you have 
 forgotten how to play. So, remove your hats, 
 dear ladies, fix your hair for good and all. 
 Clear your throats, you husky men, and cough 
 now. See, the play begins. 
 {He claps his hands and the curtains open^ dis- 
 closing the scene.) 
 
 This play is the story of what happens when 
 one is guilty of a breach of etiquette. 
 
 YOU 
 
 What is etiquette? 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Etiquette? Why, etiquette is living according 
 to rules made by people who have never smiled. 
 
 lO 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 . . . We are now outside the King*s Palace. 
 . . . This is a gate. Through this the King 
 and the King's Great-Aunt will come. The 
 King will sit here, and the King's Great-Aunt 
 will sit here. . . . This is the Headsman's 
 block, and here the lovely Queen is to be be- 
 headed before the clocks strike twelve at mid- 
 day, a half an hour from now. 
 
 YOU 
 
 Where is it.^ 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 Who can tell what country? I wish I knew. 
 . . . Are you ready? . . . Quiet, then. 
 . . . Here comes the Population; and here 
 the Soldiery. 
 
 {The Prologue sits atihe side of the curtains oppo- 
 site the Device-Bearer.) 
 
 (The Population enters from one side of the 
 stage^ the Soldiery from the other; the former 
 carries a bit of bread; the latter a lance and a 
 silken cord.) 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Good-morning, Soldiery. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Good-morning, Population. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I've come to see the beheading. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 You're early. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I brought my lunch. I want to see it all. 
 
 II 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 That's good. Now help me stretch the ropes 
 to keep the Population back. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Why stretch the ropes to keep the Population 
 back? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 It is the law. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Vm the Population, and I promise that Fll 
 stay back. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 The Soldiery has a/ways stretched the ropes to 
 
 hold the Population back. I shan't stop it 
 
 now, whether you number one or thousands. 
 
 Here, take this end and stretch the rope. 
 
 (He sets his lance against the blocks and he and 
 
 the Population stretch the rope^ laying it very 
 
 carefully on the ground in a half-circle.) 
 SOLDIERY {taking up his lance and assuming a 
 
 professional pose y bellows) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 
 death. Do you hear? 
 POPULATION {obsequiously^ kneeling) 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 SOLDIERY {setting down his lance artd assuming a 
 
 human tone) 
 
 Thank you for your help. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 That's all right. 
 
 {He offers the Soldiery a crust of bread, which is 
 
 gratefully accepted,) 
 
 12 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 {Indeed, the Soldiery is a very excellent and 
 human person, and his fierce attitude with the 
 lance and his bellowing are merely official, like a 
 uniform, and as easily removed. But the Sol- 
 diery has associated bellowing with taking up his 
 lance so long that he is wholly automatic now, as 
 he should be.) 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Who are they beheading? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 What did you say? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I said, "Who are they beheading?'* 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Whom? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Yes, who? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 You mustn't say "Who are they beheading?" 
 You must say "Whom are they beheading?" 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Nonsense. You don't say "Whom are you," 
 do you? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Certainly not, but you ought to say "Whom 
 are they beheading?" 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Well, you can — 
 
 SOLDIERY {taking up his lance, bellows) 
 You say "Whom are they beheading!" 
 
 13 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 All right, if you are going to resort to force: 
 Whom are they beheading? 
 
 SOLDIERY {putting his lance down) 
 
 I don't know. That's the Headsman's business. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I heard it was the Queen. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 May^^. I wish it was the King's Great-Aunt. 
 (The Mime and the Milkmaid enter ^ 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Is the King's Great-Aunt very old? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 She's very old and very meddlesome. She's 
 into everything, and she knows every law that's 
 ever passed, and she holds us to them. 
 (The Mime steps forward.) 
 
 MIME 
 
 Is this — 
 SOLDIERY {seeing him and the Milkmaid for the first 
 time^ leaps for his lance and, assuming his pro- 
 fessional pose, bellows) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death! Do you hear? 
 {There is no answer.) 
 {Bellows again) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death! Do you hear? 
 
 {There is no answer. The Soldiery looks appeal- 
 ingly at the Population) 
 Do you hear? 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 {Again no answer^ and again an appeal to the 
 Population) 
 Do you hear? 
 POPULATION {to the Milkmaid) 
 Say "Yes, sir." 
 
 MIME AND MILKMAID 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 SOLDIERY {putting down his lance) 
 
 Why didn't you answer me the first time? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 I didn't know you wanted me to. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Well, I did. 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 But you shouted so loud I thought you weren't 
 talking to anybody in particular. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 It's the law. 
 
 MIME {to the Population) 
 
 Some laws are funny, don't you think? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I don't know. A law's a law, and I'm the Pop- 
 ulation, and a law is for the Population. 
 
 MIME 
 
 And now we know! 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Who are you? 
 
 MIME 
 
 I'm a mime. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 What's a mime? 
 
 15 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 MIME 
 
 A mime's a mime. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 What's a mime? 
 
 MIME 
 
 A mime's a mountebank. 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 And what's a mountebank? 
 
 MIME 
 
 A mountebank's a strolling player. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Are you going to perform for us? 
 
 MIME 
 
 After the decapitation. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 What's your name? 
 MIME {in action) 
 
 Ho, for Jack the Juggler! Would you miss him? 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 We know all the rest of that. 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 You must let him finish. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 What's the use? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Let's have it, Jack. 
 
 MIME 
 
 How can I when you do not let me make my 
 speech? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Go on, we'll let you finish. 
 
 i6 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 MIME 
 
 Oh, no. I'll wait until the crowd is here. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 I'm the crowd. 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Come on ! Come on ! 
 
 MIME 
 
 All right. . . . Ho, for Jack the Juggler! 
 Would you miss him — 
 
 {A cry is heard ^ ''Help the blind! Help the 
 blindr' and on top of it just the refrain ''Old 
 King Cole was a merry old soul'') 
 (The Soldiery is on his guard immediately with 
 his lance as the Blindman and the Ballad-Singer 
 enter.) 
 SOLDIERY {bellowing) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death! Do you hear? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 You'd better say, "Yes, sir," or he'll yell it 
 again. 
 SOLDIERY {begins to bellow again) 
 You can't — 
 
 BALLAD-SINGER AND BLINDMAN 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 SOLDIERY {normally) 
 
 I've got to finish it — {and again starts) come 
 inside — 
 
 MIME 
 
 We know the rest of it. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Don't interfere with the law. {Continues bellow- 
 
 17 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 ing) The ropes on pain of death! Do you 
 
 hear? 
 ALL {eagerly) 
 
 Yes, sir! 
 SOLDIERY {putting down his lance) 
 
 Thank you. . . . What are you doing here? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 I came to see the beheading. 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 And I, that I might tell about it. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 And I, that I might sing to the crowd. 
 
 MIME 
 
 And I, that I might dazzle you. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Everybody's here — except the Queen. Why 
 not begin? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 They can't find the Queen. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Where is she? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 They've offered a reward for her — 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 A reward? 
 
 MIME 
 
 How much? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 A pail of gold and a pair of finger-rings. 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Why don't you find her, Soldiery? 
 
 i8 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 No one told me to. 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 You say the reward is a pail of gold and a pair 
 of finger-rings ? 
 
 SINGER 
 
 That's what she said. I know — 
 SOLDIERY {taking up his lance) 
 What do you know? 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 Nothing. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 Nothing. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 But you said "/ know,'' Is it about the Queen.'* 
 What do you know about the Queen? 
 
 SINGER 
 
 Shall I sing you a ballad? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 Yes, sing a ballad. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 What do you know about the Queen? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Oh, let him sing a ballad. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 I must do my duty. What do you know about 
 
 the Queen ? 
 
 {The Kings Trumpeter enters and stands at the 
 
 center of the gate. He blows a noble blast on his 
 
 trumpet^ 
 
 19 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 TRUMPETER 
 
 His Majesty, the King! 
 
 {All kneel except the Trumpeter as the King 
 enters, followed by his Councillor.) 
 {The Trumpeter blows a lesser blast ^ 
 Her Highness, the King's Great- Aunt. 
 {The Kings Great-Aunt enters.) 
 {She and the King seat themselves ceremoniously^ 
 {The Councillor bows between the King and the 
 Kings Great- Aunt ^ 
 
 {A mechanical chant is the official way of con- 
 ducting cases here, and a man must learn by rote 
 what he must say at trials, be he King or Coun- 
 cillor^ 
 
 COUNCILLOR {in a stiff, mechanical chant) 
 
 Your Majesty, it is our duty to inform you 
 that your wife, the Queen, is to be beheaded, 
 in compHance with the law, while your Majesty's 
 four clocks are striking twelve. 
 
 KING {chanting 
 Who is the aggrieved person? 
 
 COUNCILLOR {chanting) 
 
 The aggrieved sits on your left. 
 
 MILKMAID {whispering) 
 
 Doesn't the King know his wife is to be be- 
 headed ? 
 
 POPULATION {whispering) 
 Of course he does. 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Then why do they tell him here? 
 
 POPULATION 
 
 It is the law. 
 
 20 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 SOLDIERY {bellowing^ after he is quite sure he has 
 
 heard the entire conversation) 
 
 Silence! 
 KING (chanting) 
 
 Then let the aggrieved speak. 
 COUNCILLOR {chanting) 
 
 His Majesty the King bids you speak your 
 
 grievance which is just cause for the Queen's 
 
 beheading. 
 king's great-aunt {chanting) 
 
 Last night we were celebrating the second year 
 
 of peace with the neighboring kingdom. We 
 
 were dancing the minuet after the banquet — 
 MILKMAID {whispering) 
 
 Does the old lady dance? 
 POPULATION {whispering) 
 
 She tries to. 
 SOLDIERY {bellowing) 
 
 Silence! 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 When the Queen — {forgetting to chant) your 
 wife — 
 
 {The Councillor coughs and she chants again) 
 stepped on the ring-toe of the King's Great- 
 Aunt. 
 
 king {chanting) 
 What is your demand? 
 
 king's great-aunt {chanting) 
 
 I demand that the aforesaid Queen be beheaded. 
 
 king 
 
 By what authority? 
 
 21 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 KING S GREAT-AUNT 
 
 According to the law. 
 
 KING 
 
 Is there such a law? 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 There is. 
 
 KING 
 
 Read the law. 
 
 COUNCILLOR {unrolling a parchment ^ reads) 
 
 Whereas, if a Queen step on the ring-toe of the 
 King's Great-Aunt, or any member of her 
 family; Be it resolved, the aforesaid Queen 
 must be beheaded while the King's four clocks 
 are striking twelve at mid-day. 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 I demand the execution of the law. 
 
 king 
 
 We, the King, decree that our wife the Queen 
 be beheaded to-day while our four clocks are 
 striking twelve at mid-day. 
 
 councillor 
 
 The culprit will kneel. 
 
 milkmaid {whispering) 
 Where is the culprit? 
 
 soldiery {bellowing) 
 Silence! 
 {Naturally) She isn't here. 
 
 king {rising) 
 
 It is not in our power to pardon you, oh, guilty 
 Queen. Gracefulness is a royal possession, and 
 when a Queen is no longer graceful she can no 
 longer live. 
 
 22 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 king's great-aunt {naturally) 
 The Queen isn't here. 
 
 KING 
 
 The law will take its course. 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 Where is the Queen ? 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 I've offered a pail of gold and a pair of finger- 
 rings for her apprehension. 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 Two pails of gold if she is found! 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 Is that a promise, your Highness? 
 
 SOLDIERY (bellows) 
 Silence ! 
 
 {Normally) Royalty can't take back any state- 
 ments. 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 I mean — 
 
 KING 
 
 We heard what you said. We shall judge what 
 you meant. 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 It is on the stroke of twelve, your Majesty, and 
 there is no Queen, no culprit. 
 king's great-aunt 
 Are the laws of our country to be held up to 
 ridicule? Find the Queen! Four pails of gold 
 if she be found! 
 
 {The kneeling commoners are excited^ 
 Six pails of gold and six pairs of finger-rings ! 
 {The King's clocks begin to strike, but not in 
 
 23 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 unison. First there is one large one^ then two 
 smaller ones^ and finally a tiny one.) 
 {During the striking of the clocks there is great 
 excitement. The spectators almost forget their 
 manners before royalty. The Councillor buzzes 
 around. The Kings Great-Aunt cries out again 
 and again ^ ''Where is the ^ueen?'' ''Where is 
 the culprit^'' The Soldiery ^ lance in hand^ bel- 
 lows his familiar call, "You cant come inside the 
 ropes'' The Trumpeter blows his trumpet. The 
 King stands up and counts the strokes of the 
 clocks.) 
 KING {at the twelfth stroke of the tiny clock) 
 The Queen is free! I now decree a holiday to 
 all the land. And everybody can go to hunt 
 the Queen. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 And if I find the Queen I shall get six pails of 
 gold and six pairs of finger-rings? 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 That was the promise of the King's Great- 
 Aunt. 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Silence! 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 I said — 
 
 king 
 You said just that. The King's Great-Aunt will 
 give six pails of gold and six pairs of finger- 
 rings to the one who finds the Queen. 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 I refuse — 
 
 24 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 KING 
 
 Royalty cannot refuse to fulfill a promise! 
 And to the offer of my aunt I shall add six 
 more pails of gold. 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 Can they behead the Queen now if they find 
 her? 
 
 KING 
 
 They can not. 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 Then I can find her, your Majesty. 
 
 KING 
 
 Where is she? Come here and tell me. 
 
 {As the Blindman steps forward, the Soldiery 
 
 bellows ''You can't come inside the ropes,'') 
 
 KING 
 
 Come here! 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 He cannot approach your Majesty. ... It 
 is the law. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 I can find the Queen, your Majesty! 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 Ofl^ with their worthless heads! They have 
 aided the escape of the culprit! 
 
 KING 
 
 No, I decree — 
 king's great-aunt 
 The law! The law! 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 Her Highness is right, your Majesty. The law 
 
 25 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 states that anyone guilty of aiding a culprit to 
 escape must be beheaded. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 We did not aid, 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 No, we did not. 
 king's great-aunt 
 The word of a commoner cannot stand. 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 Soldiery, do your duty! 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 Now, we shall have a beheading after all! 
 soldiery {to Singer and Blindman) 
 
 Come on, step up! 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Mercy, have mercy! 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Step up. 
 
 {The Ballad-Singer and the Blindman walk to 
 the side of the block and there the Soldiery binds 
 them together^ all the while they protest their in- 
 nocence.) 
 
 {At this moment the Headsman is heard ^ '^Her 
 Majesty the ^ueen and Sir David Little-Boy, 
 Her Majesty the ^een and Sir David Little- 
 Boyr) 
 
 {The Headsman^ bearing his ax, enters in his 
 own stately way, and with the utmost dignity 
 starts to approach the King, but as he nears the 
 rope, the Soldiery bellows his command, ''You 
 can't come inside the ropes.'' The Headsman 
 stops shorty but slays the Soldiery with a glance.) 
 
 26 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 The King*s Headsman, the Winder of the King's 
 Four Clocks — 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death. Do you hear? 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 Yes, I hear. ( Then he calls with refined dignity) 
 Her Majesty the Queen and Sir David Little- 
 Boy! 
 
 ( The ^een and the Boy enter. The boy suddenly 
 becomes very conscious of being in the presence of 
 the King.) 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 Oh, there you are! 
 
 KING 
 
 My Queen! 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 It is not etiquette, your Majesty. 
 KING {recalling the proper procedure ^ chants) 
 
 Who is this before us? 
 QUEEN {chanting) 
 
 It is your wife, the Queen. 
 
 KING 
 
 And who stands beside our Queen? 
 
 BOY 
 
 Fm— 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Silence! 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 This is Sir David Little-Boy. 
 
 27 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 There is no Sir David Little-Boy in the royal 
 almanac, your Majesty. 
 
 KING 
 
 Who is this Sir David Little-Boy, Sir Heads- 
 man? 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 He helped the Queen to escape. 
 
 B LI NOMA N 
 
 Is that the little boy who gave me the lentils 
 when I was hungry, and who would not break 
 a promise? 
 
 SINGER 
 
 It's the little boy to whom I sang two ballads. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Queen, why are my two friends bound to- 
 gether ? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Sir David, first we must tell them who you are. 
 BOY {stepping forward) 
 I— 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 Address the King. 
 
 BOY 
 
 King— 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 That's not the way. 
 
 BOY 
 
 What do I do? 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 Watch me. {He struts forward and kneels ,^ 
 Your Majesty — see, that way. 
 
 28 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 BOY {imitating the Headsman as only a little boy 
 
 can imitate his elders) 
 
 Your Majesty, I am the little boy who lives in 
 
 the yellow cottage on the short-cut to the 
 
 headsman's block. 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 How does it happen that you are called Sir 
 
 David, upstart? 
 
 BOY 
 
 Fm not an upstart. The Queen called me Sir 
 David Little-Boy. 
 king's great-aunt 
 What right has the Queen to create a knight? 
 Well? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 By the law passed by my great-great-grand- 
 father. 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 There is no such law. 
 queen 
 
 Oh, yes, there is. Aunt. 
 councillor 
 
 I think your Majesty's memory fails. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 It does not fail. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Queen, I won't be Sir David if it will cause you 
 trouble. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 A Queen has one trouble or another, but this 
 will be my last. 
 
 29 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 king's great-aunt 
 Will you permit this insolence, your Majesty? 
 
 KING 
 
 Her Majesty the Queen claims a law. Can she 
 produce the law? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 I can, your Majesty. 
 
 KING 
 
 Where is it? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Here {she takes a scroll from her dress). I found 
 
 it in the room of the King's Great-Aunt. 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 By what right does a Queen steal into my 
 
 apartment? Seize her! 
 
 {The Soldiery starts to take the ^ueen.) 
 king 
 
 Hands off the Queen ! 
 
 {The ^ueen takes a step to cross the ropes,) 
 SOLDIERY {bellows) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 
 death. Do you hear? 
 queen 
 
 But I'm the Queen. 
 SOLDIERY {normally) 
 
 Duty is duty, your Majesty, law is law. {Bel- 
 lowing) You can't come inside the ropes, on 
 
 pain of death. Do you hear? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Yes, I hear. 
 
 30 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 KING 
 
 Sir Headsman, bring me the law. 
 {The Headsman is about to obey.) 
 Soldiery {bellows) 
 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death. Do you hear? 
 
 KING 
 
 Then I shall go to the Queen. 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 Your Majesty, it is not fitting. 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 I am about to die, oh. Queen; let me give the 
 law. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 About to die? 
 
 BOY 
 
 He is my friend! ... If the ropes weren't 
 there could I take the law to the King? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Surely. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Let's take the ropes away. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Alas, it can't be done. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Let's coil the ropes. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 How? 
 
 BOY 
 
 So. {He quickly coils the ropes,) 
 
 31 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 SOLDIERY (bellows) 
 You can't come inside the ropes, on pain of 
 death. Do you hear? 
 
 BOY 
 
 You can't get inside the ropes ! There isn't any- 
 inside. 
 QUEEN {going to the king) 
 
 Here is the law, your Majesty. 
 KING {about to embrace her) 
 
 My Queen! 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 I protest. 
 councillor 
 
 It is not seemly, your Majesty. . . . FU 
 
 take the law. 
 
 KING 
 
 Read the law. 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 It may be better to discuss it first. 
 
 KING 
 
 Read the law! 
 COUNCILLOR {reading) 
 
 Whereas, all relatives have had an upper hand 
 in my kingdom for three generations and have 
 passed laws that make it difficult for our 
 Queens; Be it resolved, that all such laws shall 
 stand, because etiquette and discipline are good 
 for all mankind, but should there ever be a 
 Queen who can escape the punishments devised 
 by relatives she shall be absolute, and there- 
 after her word will be the law, for any woman 
 
 32 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 who can outwit her husband's relatives is 
 worthy to rule a nation. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 I have escaped. I claim the reward of the law. 
 
 KING 
 
 Your word is absolute. Henceforth you are 
 the law. 
 king's great-aunt {feathering her nest) 
 Dearest, mount the throne. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Nay, I shall mount the Headman's block. 
 {She mounts the Headman's blocks and she is 
 very beautiful,) 
 I, the Queen — 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 Your Majesty, it is proper to say "We, the 
 Queen"— 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 I, the Queen, do first hereby reiterate that this 
 brave knight is Sir David Little-Boy. Second, 
 that — 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 You should chant it, your Majesty. 
 QUEEN {sti/l in normal tones) 
 
 Second, that the office of King's Councillor be 
 
 vacant; third, that the King's Great- Aunt give 
 
 up her ring or her ring-toe — 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 Mercy! I am too old to lose my ring! I should 
 
 die without my ring-toe! 
 queen 
 
 Very well, you shall keep your ring and your 
 
 toe; but when we dance the minuet you must 
 
 Z7> 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 sit on your foot, for in future I shall step when 
 
 and where I please. ... Sit on your foot! 
 
 {The Kings Great- Aunt sits on her foot and 
 
 wails.) 
 king's great-aunt 
 
 What is the country coming to! {But she is 
 
 very glad to save her toe,) 
 YOU {in the audience) 
 
 Pshaw! this play is just like every other one. 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 It isn't over yet. You just wait. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Fourth^ the Soldiery must lay down his arms. 
 SOLDIERY {bellows) 
 You can't come — 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Lay down your arms! 
 
 SOLDIERY 
 
 Pardon me, your Majesty, it was habit. {He 
 lays down his lance.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Loose the bonds from the Blindman and the 
 
 Ballad-Singer. 
 
 {The Soldiery does so.) 
 
 Sir David, your hand. 
 
 {The Boy, in a glow of wonder, steps forward.) 
 
 Here are your friends. 
 
 king's GREAT-AUNT 
 
 A noble cannot have friends among the com- 
 moners ! 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Quite true. Quite true. . . . Mime, step 
 
 34 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 forward. . . . Kneel. . . . Arise, Sir 
 Mime. Every Friday afternoon you shall have 
 an hour's sport with Sir David Little-Boy. 
 
 MIME 
 
 Please, your Majesty, I must wander far away 
 in search of farthings from the crowds of all 
 the world. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 You make men happy with your play. We 
 
 give you farthings. You will not want. 
 
 {As she speaks to each of the others^ she makes 
 
 the gesture of knighting him,) 
 
 {They kneel together,) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 To you, sweet Lady Milkmaid, I give a spotted 
 cow; to you. Sir Blindman, a cushion and a 
 canopy at the castle gate; to you. Sir Ballad- 
 Singer, a vermilion cloak. Arise. And now, 
 Sir Little-Boy — {She leans over him) to you who 
 saved my life, to you who kept your promise, 
 for your mother I give a velvet gown, a silken 
 kerchief, and a cloth-of-gold bonnet, and for 
 yourself I give a milk-white palfrey, two pails 
 of gold, two finger-rings, a castle, and a sword. 
 Sir Councillor — 
 
 {The Councillor comes forward and she whispers 
 in his ear,) 
 
 COUNCILLOR 
 
 The little one, your Majesty? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 The best one. Sir Councillor! 
 
 {The Councillor goes into the Castle,) 
 
 35 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Court is dismissed! Your Highness, my hus- 
 band's Great-Aunt, you may go to your room. 
 You have caused us years of anguish; but I 
 forgive you. Trumpeter, lead her Highness 
 away in state. 
 
 {The Trumpeter blows a little blast and exits y 
 shouting ''Make way j or her Highness ^ the Kings 
 Great-Aunt!'') 
 
 {The Kings Great- Aunt rises with difficulty and 
 waddles away in defeat,) 
 king's great-aunt {mumbling) 
 I never thought I'd live to see the day — but 
 times have changed. {Exits into the Castle.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 The Population may go into the gardens. The 
 
 Soldiery may take a holiday. 
 
 {The Population and the Soldiery go out arm in 
 
 arm.) 
 
 Sir Headsman, you may take your ax to the 
 
 museum. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Queen, can he come back and tell me stories? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Whenever you may wish. . . . 
 {The Headsman starts to go) 
 
 BOY 
 
 Sir Headsman — 
 
 HEADSMAN {magnificent to the end) 
 Sir Headsman — 
 
 36 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 BOY 
 
 Sir Headsman— 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 Alas, Sir Headsman, no more. I am now only 
 the Winder of the King's Four Clocks. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Sir Winder of the King's Four Clocks, I — 
 
 HEADSMAN {with the ghost of a smile) 
 
 Sir Winder of the King's Four Clocks ! That 
 is the longest title in the kingdom. There is 
 some consolation in that. . . . Well? 
 
 BOY (looking at the ^eens neck) 
 
 You said your ax was so sharp it would cut a 
 hair in two. 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 I did and it will. 
 
 BOY 
 
 How could it? 
 
 Headsman 
 
 Easily. This way. {He swings it downward 
 with all the grace of achieving his swans song 
 with it.) See? 
 
 BOY 
 
 How do you spell hair? 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 H-A-R-E, of course. How else? 
 
 BOY 
 
 Why, H-A-I-R. 
 
 37 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 HEADSMAN 
 
 I never quibble. 
 
 {He bows to the ^ueen, the crowds and You 
 superbly; and he departs.) 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 He is going to the Museum where other rehcs 
 are; but civihzation will always respect him and 
 remember his ax and keep it sharp. 
 
 (The ^een takes her place where the Kings 
 Great-Aunt had sat.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 And now my friends and friends of Sir David, 
 you may say good-bye. In an hour we shall 
 meet in the banqueting hall for pies and 
 cherry tarts and cakes and things. 
 {The Mime steps forward.) 
 
 MIME 
 
 Sir David Little-Boy, I am your slave. 
 
 {He bows very deeply and lays his hand in the 
 Boy's. When he has gone Sir David finds that 
 he is clasping a golden ball.) 
 {The Milkmaid comes to Sir David.) 
 
 MILKMAID 
 
 Isn't it wonderful! 
 
 {And before he knows it she has thrown her arms 
 
 around his neck and kissed him and passed on.) 
 
 {He doesn't know whether to smile or blush^ but 
 
 he does hang his head.) 
 
 {The Blindman shuffles up to him.) 
 
 38 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 BLINDMAN 
 
 You only have to close your eyes to make 
 things true. {And passes on,) 
 {The Ballads inger comes,) 
 
 SINGER 
 
 Hello! 
 
 BOY 
 
 Sing me a ballad. 
 
 SINGER 
 
 Later — perhaps. 
 
 BOY 
 
 No, now. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Just for us. 
 
 {The Boy sits between her and the King on the 
 step at their feet. The Ballad-Singer sits close 
 beside him,) 
 
 SINGER 
 
 This is the Ballad of the Silver Star and the 
 
 Crescent Moon. 
 
 {Sings to the wondering Boy,) 
 
 Oh, a silver star and a crescent moon 
 Afloat in the sunset sky 
 Can make a smile on a scowling face, 
 Tho' the face be you or I. 
 
 For the silver star and the crescent moon 
 Are like memories afar — 
 We always dream at the guarded gate 
 And pass the gate ajar. 
 
 39 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 There's a moral to my little song, 
 
 For hearts bowed down and hearts in tune — 
 
 The silver star is a distant dream 
 
 And a waxing hope is the crescent moon. 
 
 Good-bye. And don't forget that the King's 
 Great-Aunt owes you six pails of gold. Good- 
 bye. 
 
 {He dashes of.) 
 
 (The Boy sits in wonder a moment and then 
 looks first at the smiling ^ueen^ then at the pleasant 
 King. He takes the knife from his pouch and 
 shows it to the King.) 
 
 BOY 
 
 Have you seen my knife? 
 
 {The King slips down beside him^ which makes 
 the Boy gasp. It isnt everybody who sits beside 
 a King.) 
 
 KING 
 
 We had a little boy like you, and he loved his 
 knife. . . . He was a Prince. . . . How 
 would you like to be a Prince? 
 
 BOY 
 
 I think — Fd like it. 
 
 {He is almost breathless^ talking to a King!) 
 {The Councillor enters and hands something to 
 the ^een.) 
 
 KING 
 
 And would you like to be my son? 
 
 BOY 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 
 40 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROW N 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 And mine ? 
 
 {As she sits beside him. Now they are not like 
 King and ^ueen and a little Knight. They are 
 just three people sitting together.) 
 BOY (to the lovely ^een) 
 
 Next to my mother I like you. 
 
 KING 
 
 If you were our little boy, some day you would 
 be a King. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Oh — I couldn't be a King. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Why not? 
 
 BOY 
 
 I wouldn't know what to do. 
 
 KING 
 
 There are many kings who do not know what 
 to do. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 And think of all the happiness you could make. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Could I do whatever I wanted to do? 
 
 KING 
 
 If you were wise. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Could I give a ring to the Blindman? 
 
 KING 
 
 Oh, yes. 
 
 BOY 
 
 And ask him in? 
 
 41 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Surely. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Then — would I have to have a Great-Aunt? 
 
 KING 
 
 Not now. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Or a Councillor? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 All that is abolished now. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Then — youVe sure I wouldn't have a Great- 
 Aunt? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Quite sure. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Then — Vd like to be a king! 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 All right. Shut your eyes. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Oh, I know — the Blindman told me to shut my 
 eyes to make things come true. 
 (He shuts his eyes very tight. The ^ueen un- 
 wraps the something which the Councillor brought. 
 It is a beautiful crown. She places it on the 
 boy's head.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Open your eyes! 
 
 {He opens his eyes and his hands steal up to the 
 
 crown. He can't believe his touch?) 
 
 BOY 
 
 Oh! 
 
 42 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 How do you feel? 
 BOY {gasping) 
 All right. 
 
 KING 
 
 You are a Prince now. 
 
 {He takes a cape from his shoulder and throws it 
 
 about the Boy's shoulders.) 
 
 Arise, my Son and Prince. 
 
 {The Boy stands up^ and he looks every inch a 
 
 little king in his crown and robe.) 
 
 BOY 
 
 x^m I a real prince? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 As, real as the King or I. 
 
 {The Boy walks a princely step or two, when a 
 voice is heard calling ''David! David!'' It is the 
 sweetest voice in the world, and it is sad and 
 troubled now. The Boy stops short.) 
 
 BOY 
 
 My mother! 
 
 VOICE 
 
 David! 
 
 BOY 
 
 I am here, Mother. 
 
 {The mother enters. She is the most beautiful 
 woman in the world — like your mother and mine, 
 but her eyes are wide with fear,) 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 David! Oh, I thought I had lost you! My 
 boy! my boy! 
 
 43 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 BOY 
 
 Mother, I am a Prince. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 Oh, my Httle dream-boy, you are always my 
 Prince. Why did you run away? 
 
 BOY 
 
 I didn't run away. I came to save the Queen. 
 And now I am a Prince. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 The Queen ^ A Prince ! 
 
 (She sees the King and ^een.) 
 
 Oh, your Majesties! {And hows very low.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 Arise, Lady Little-Boy. We have made your 
 boy our son and heir. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 Does that mean — I must — he must go from — 
 me? 
 
 KING 
 
 When his country calls he must go. 
 
 BOY 
 
 You mean I must leave my mother? 
 
 KING 
 
 Some day you must leave her. 
 BOY {to his mother) 
 
 But don't you need me now? 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 David, if you are meant to be a king, I want 
 you to be a king. 
 
 44 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROW N 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 We'll leave you here together. You can tell 
 
 him what you know. 
 
 (6*^^ understands what ail women understand.) 
 
 KING 
 
 Farewell, my Prince. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 My little boy! 
 
 {They leave the mother and the boy together.) 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 David, isn't it wonderful! 
 
 BOY 
 
 Mother, did they mean I had to leave you? 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 You will be a king. 
 
 BOY 
 
 I can't leave you. 
 
 {He sits disconsolately on the step of the Kings 
 seat.) 
 MOTHER {sitting beside him) 
 
 You are going to grow up to be a great, fine 
 man, my David-Boy, and you will be a king. 
 Some day you would have to leave me anyway 
 — to go out into the world and seek your 
 fortune. 
 
 BOY 
 
 But not so soon. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 I'll be near, and I'll see you every day. You 
 will be a king, my boy! 
 
 45 
 
PORTMANTEAU ADAPTATIONS 
 
 BOY 
 
 You'll be all alone. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 Oh, no, my boy, never alone. For every hour 
 of every day I'll think of you and dream of you. 
 
 BOY 
 
 Who'll help you work? 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 There'll be no work. It will all be play, for 
 my boy is going to be a king. 
 
 BOY {as he leans his head against her shoulder) 
 Oh, Mother, I'm so tired! 
 
 MOTHER {placing her arm about him) 
 
 I know. Do you remember how I used to sing 
 a little lullaby to you when you were tired? 
 
 BOY {his eyes are heavy with sleep) 
 Uh-huh. 
 
 {The mother hums softly as she places her cheek 
 against his heady but the crown interferes some- 
 what.) 
 
 BOY 
 
 Sing it out. I like the words. 
 MOTHER {singing) 
 Sleep, Davie, sleep — 
 
 BOY 
 
 No, I like the old words — the ones when I was 
 a little boy. 
 
 MOTHER 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep — 
 Close your tired eyes; 
 Here's a kiss from father, 
 To make you wealthy; 
 
 46 
 
SIR DAVID WEARS A CROWN 
 
 Here's a kiss from mother, 
 
 To make you healthy; 
 
 And God the Father blows a kiss 
 
 To make you wise. 
 
 Sleep, baby, sleep. 
 
 Close your tired eyes. 
 
 {The Boy snuggles against his mother and then 
 reaches up and takes of the crown. She carefully 
 places it beside her and continues her lullaby as 
 the curtains close.) 
 YOU {in the audience) 
 
 Well, will he be a king or not? 
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 His mother knows. 
 
 {The Prologue and the Device-Bearer bow and 
 disappear.) 
 
 {The ladies may arrange their hair and the gen- 
 tlemen may cough to their throats' content.) 
 
 The Curtains Close 
 
 47 
 
SHORT PLAYS 
 
 By MARY MacMILLAN 
 
 To fill a long-felt want. All have been successfully pre- 
 sented. Suitable for Women's Clubs, Girls' Schools, etc. 
 While elaborate enough for big presentation, they may be 
 given very simply. 
 
 This volume contains ten Plays: 
 
 The Shadowed Star has six women, one boy; may all be taken 
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 The Ring. Costume play. Time, days of Shakespeare. Three 
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 Luck. Four short acts. Time, present. Interior scene. 
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 Entre^ Acte. Costume play. Time, present. Scene, interior. 
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 A Woman s a Woman for A* That. Time, present. Interior 
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 The Futurists. One-act farce, of the first woman's club of the 
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 Handsomely bound and uniform with S. & K. Dramatic Series. 
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 STEWART & KIDD COMPANY 
 
 Publishers Cincinnati, U. S. A. 
 
Stewart Kidd Dramatic Publications 
 
 The Truth About the Theater Anonymous $1.25 
 
 British and American Drama of Today 
 
 Barrett H.Clark 2.50 
 
 European Theories of the Drama Barrett H. Clark 5.00 
 
 ContemporaryFrenchDramatists Barrett H. Clark 2.50 
 
 Four Plays of the Free Theater . . Barrett H. Clark 2.50 
 The Provincetown Plays 
 
 Geo. Cram Cook & Frank Shay, Editors 2.50 
 
 The Two Cromwells Liddell DeLesseline 1.50 
 
 Plays and Players Walter Prichard Eaton 3.00 
 
 The Antigone of Sophocles 
 
 Prof. Jos. Edward Harry 1.25 
 
 The Changing Drama Archibald Henderson 2.50 
 
 European Dramatists Archibald Henderson 3.00 
 
 George Bernard Shaw: His Life and Works 
 
 Archibald Henderson 7.50 
 
 Short Plays Mary MacMillan 2.50 
 
 More Short Plays Mary MacMillan 2.50 
 
 The Gift Margaret Douglas Rogers 1.00 
 
 Comedies of Words and Other Plays 
 
 Arthur Schnitder, Translated by Pierre Loving 2.50 
 Fifty Contemporary One- Act Plays 
 
 Compiled by Frank Shay & Pierre Loving 5.00 
 The Best Short Plays, 1920-1921 
 
 Edited by Frank Shay 2.50 
 
 Ten One- Act Comedies. . . .Edited by Frank Shay 2.50 
 
 Lucky Pehr August Strindberg 2.50 
 
 Translated by Velma Swanslon Howard 
 
 Easter August Strindberg 2.50 
 
 Translated by Velma Swanston Howard 
 
 The Hamlet Problem and its Solution 
 
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 Portmanteau Plays Stuart Walker, net 2.50 
 
 More Portmanteau Plays .... Stuart Walker, net 2.50 
 
 Portmanteau Adaptations. . . .Stuart Walker, net 2.50 
 
 Three Plays Stark Young 1.35 
 
 "Madretta", "At the Shrine", "Addio". 
 
 Stewart Kidd Modern Plays 
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 Mansions Hildegarde Planner .50 
 
 The Shepherd in the Distance. . Holland Hudson .50 
 
 Hearts to Mend H. A. Overstreet .50 
 
 Sham Frank G. Tompkins .50 
 
 Six Who Pass While the Lentils Boil 
 
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 The Emperor Jones Eugene O'Neill .50 
 
 Sweet and Twenty Floyd Dell .50 
 
 Two Slatterns and a King 
 
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 MAY a 1922 
 
Stewart Kidd Dramatic An^ 
 
 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 018 360 476 4 §) 
 
 Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays 
 
 Edited by 
 FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING 
 
 THIS volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS 
 of the MODERN THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of con- 
 temporary writers all over the world and is the second volume in the 
 Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies, the first being European Theories of the 
 Drama, by Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received. 
 
 The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected the 
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 The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the choicest 
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 resentative collection of the world's best short plays. 
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 AUSTRIA 
 
 Schnitzler (Arthur) — Literature 
 BELGIUM 
 
 Maeterlinck (Maurice) — The Intruder 
 BOLIVIA 
 
 More (Federico) — Interlude 
 DENMARK 
 
 Wied (Gustave) — ^Autumn Fires 
 FRANCE 
 
 Ancey (George) — M. Lamblin 
 Porto- Riche (Georges) — Francoise's Luck 
 GERMANY 
 
 Ettinger (Karl) — Altruism 
 
 von Hofmannsthal (Hugo) — Madonna Dia- 
 
 nora 
 Wedekind (Frank)— The Tenor 
 GREAT BRITAIN 
 
 Bennett (Arnold) — A Good Woman 
 Calderon (George)— The Little Stone House 
 Cannan (Gilbert) — Mary's Wedding 
 Dowson (Ernest) — The Pierrot of the Min- 
 ute. 
 Ellis (Mrs. Havelock) — The Subjection 
 
 of Kezia 
 Hankin (St. John) — The Constant Lover 
 INDIA 
 
 Mukerji (Dhan Gopal) — The Judgment of 
 Indra 
 IRELAND 
 
 Gregory (Lady) — ^The Workhouse Ward 
 HOLLAND 
 
 Speenhoff (J. H.) — ^Louise 
 HUNGARY 
 
 Biro (Lajos) — The Grandmother 
 ITALY 
 
 Giocosa (Giuseppe) — The Rights of the Soul 
 RUSSIA 
 
 Andreyev (Leonid) — Love of One's Neigh- 
 bor 
 Tchekoff (Anton)— The Boor 
 
 SPAIN 
 
 Benevente (Jacinto) — His Widow's Hus- 
 band 
 
 Quinteros (Serafina and Joaquin Alverez) 
 — A Sunny Morning 
 
 SWEDEN 
 
 Strindberg (August) — The Creditor 
 
 UNITED STATES 
 
 Beach (Lewis) — Brothers 
 Cowan (Sada) — In the Morgue 
 Crocker (Bosworth) — The Baby Carriage 
 Cronyn (George W.) — A Death in Fever 
 
 Flat 
 Davies (Mary Carolyn) — The Slave with 
 
 Two Faces 
 Day (Frederick L.) — The Slump 
 Flanner (Hildegard) — Mansions 
 Glaspell (Susan)— Trifles 
 Gerstenberg (Alice) — The Pot Boiler 
 Helburn (Theresa) — Enter the Hero 
 Hudson (Holland) — The Shepherd in the 
 
 Kemp (Harry) — Boccaccio's Untold Tale 
 Langner (Lawrence) — Another Way Out 
 MacMillan (Mary) — The Shadowed Star 
 Millay (Edna St. Vincent) — Aria da Capo 
 Moeller (Philip) — Helena's Husband 
 O'Neill (Eugene) — He 
 Stevens (Thomas Wood) — The Nursery 
 
 Maid of Heaven 
 Stevens (Wallace)— Three Travelers Watch 
 
 a Sunrise 
 Tompkins (Frank G.) — Sham 
 Walker (Stuart) — The Medicine Show 
 Wellman (Rita)— For All Time 
 Wilde (Percival) — The Finger of God 
 
 YIDDISH 
 
 Ash (Shplom) — Night 
 
 Pinski (David) — Forgotten Souls 
 
 Large 8vo, s^S pages. Net, $^.oo 
 
 Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue 
 
 STEWART KIDD COMPANY 
 
 PUBLISHERS, - - CINCINNATI. U. S. 
 
 A.