>v 
 
jhjZMS >ND AdDITIES: 
 
 :FW)<i floating 011 tl\e $ttffade of oui< dttffei\t 
 Litei<attife, 
 
 TOSSED TO DRY LAND BY THE WAVES OF MEMORY. 
 
 GATHERED AND ARRANGED 
 
 M. A. A. D. 
 
 
 N0...7.0.H.H. 
 ^ 1G ~ G 
 
 WASH* 
 
 RUSSELL BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, 
 
 17, 19, 21, 23 KOSE STREET. 
 
 1876. 
 

<r<~? 
 
 S* 
 
 It is related of St. Aloysius Gonzaga that while, at 
 the usual time of recreation, he was engaged in playing 
 chess, question arising among his brother novices as to what 
 each would do were the assurance to come to them that they 
 would die within an hour, St. Aloysius said he should go 
 on witr. his game of chess. 
 
 If our recreations as well as our graver employments 
 are undertaken with a pure intention, we need not reproach 
 ourselves though Sorrow, we need not fear though Death 
 surprise us while engaged in them. 
 
 Addison, JV. T., January, 1876. 
 
INDEX 
 
 Py\RT I. 
 
 CHARADES. 
 
 Nos. 1, 10, 25, 43, 44, 53, 88, 91, 110, 152, 153, 154, 155, 167, 176, 
 177, 182, 183, 192, 193, 201, 217, 279,. 281. 285, 290, 291, 297, 316, 
 331, 332, 333, 345, 350, 354, 357, 368, 371, 372, 374. 
 CONUNDRUMS. 
 
 Nos. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 17, 18, 21, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 46, 47, 
 51, 52. 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61. 62, 63, 92, 93, 94, 95, 97, 98, 106, 108, 
 109, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 
 163, 164, 165, 166, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 184, 185, 186, 
 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 204, 205, 206, 207, 
 208, 209,214,252,253,254,257, 258,259, 260, 261, 262, 263, 264,265, 
 266, 267, 268, 269, 270, 274, 275, 278, 280, 286, 294, 299, 300, 301, 
 303, 318, 319, 320, 321, 322. 323, 325, 326, 327, 329, 330, 359, 360, 361. 
 
 FRENCH AND LATIN RIDDLES. 
 
 Nos. 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 78. 
 
 MATHEMATICAL. 
 
 Nos. 48, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 346, 362, 373. 
 
 NOTABLE NAMES, 
 
 Nos. Ill, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 
 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132,133, 134,135, 136, 137, 
 138, 139, 140, 141, 142. 
 
 POSITIVES AND COMPARATIVES. 
 
 Nos. 218, 219, 220, 221, 222,223,224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 
 231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 336, 337, 338, 339, 340, 341, 
 342, 343, 344. 
 
 POSITIVES, COMPARATIVES AND SUPERLATIVES. 
 Nos. 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246, 247, 248, 249, 250. 
 
"6 
 
 ELLIPSES. 
 
 Nos. 307, 308, 309, 312, 313, 352, 355, 365, 366. 
 NUMERICAL ENIGMA. 
 
 No. 306. 
 No. 304. 
 No. 315. 
 No. 360. 
 Pp. 77, 78. 
 P. 78. 
 
 SQUARE WORD. 
 XM.AS DINNER. 
 
 DINNER PARTY. 
 
 UNANSWERED RIDDLES. 
 
 UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS. 
 
 PARADOXES. 
 P. 79. 
 
 OTHEF^ VARIETIES OF PUZZLES. 
 
 Nos. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 38, 
 39, 40, 41, 42, 45, 49, 50, 54, 55, 64, 65, 75, 76, 79, 80, 81, 89, 90, 96, 
 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 107, 151, 156, 157, 178, 179, 180, 182, 
 194, 195, 202, 203, 210, 211, 212, 213, 215, 216, 251, 255, 256, 271, 
 272, 273, 276, 277, 282, 283, 284, 287, 288, 289, 292, 293, 295, 296, 
 298, 302, 305, 310, 311, 314, 317, 324, 328, 334, 335, 347, 348, 349, 
 351, 353, 354, 358, 363, 364, 367, 369, 370. 
 
 PART II. 
 
 Acrostics : pacjk. 
 
 Adelina Patti, 145 
 
 Emblematic, 131 
 
 Spring, 146 
 
 Alliteration : 
 
 Siege of Belgrade, 144 
 
 Example in French, 145 
 
 Alphabet, The, in One Sentence, .133 
 
PAGE 
 
 Americans, Characteristic Sayings of, 113 
 
 Anagrams, 131, 133 
 
 Ann Hathaway, 140 
 
 An Original Love Story, 126 
 
 Beheaded Words, . , 133 
 
 Books, Fancy Titles of, 83 
 
 Clubs, 85 
 
 Concealed Meanings. 129 
 
 Conceits of Composition: 
 
 When the September eves, 152 
 
 Oh 1 come to-night, 153 
 
 Thweetly murmurth the breethe, 154 
 
 Contribution to an Album, 125 
 
 Dialects : 
 
 Yankee, 116 
 
 London Exquisite's, 116 
 
 Legal, 118 
 
 Wiltshire, 118 
 
 Bneid, The Newly Translated, 122 
 
 Epigram, 129 
 
 Etiquette of Equitation, 88 
 
 Extempore Speaking, 147 
 
 Facetije, 84, 105 
 
 French Song, 139 
 
 Geographical Propriety, 102 
 
 George and his Poppar. 121 
 
 History, 133 
 
 Instructive Fables, 141 
 
 Latin Poem. 139 
 
 Macaronic Poetry: 
 
 Felis et Mures, 137 
 
 Ego numquam audivi, 138 
 
 Tres fratres stolidi, 138 
 
 The Rhine, 138 
 
 Ich Bin Dein, 139 
 
 In questa casa 140 
 
 Macaronic Prose, 136 
 
8 
 Medleys : page. 
 
 I only know, 159 
 
 The curfew tolls, 160 
 
 The moon was shining, 161 
 
 Life, 162 
 
 Names : 
 
 Fantastic, 98 
 
 Ladies', their Sound, 100 
 
 " their Signification, 101 
 
 Ode to Spring . . 121 
 
 Other Worlds, 86 
 
 Our Modern Humorists, 148 
 
 Palindrome, 132 
 
 Parodies : 
 
 Song of the Recent Rebellion, 89 
 
 Come out in the garden, Jane, 91 
 
 Brown has pockets running over, 93 
 
 When I think of him I love so, 94 
 
 Never jumps a sheep that's frightened, 95 
 
 How the water comes down at Lodore, 96 
 
 Tell me, my secret soul, 97 
 
 Printers' Short Hand, 119 
 
 Pronunciation, 142 
 
 Rhyme, 122 
 
 Rhythm, 127 
 
 Secret Correspondence, , 130 
 
 Seeing is Believing, 97 
 
 Sound and Unsound: 
 
 See the fragrant twilight, 151 
 
 Brightly blue the stars, 152 
 
 Sorrows of Werther, 84 
 
 Stanzas from J. F. Crawford's Poems, 128 
 
 Stilts, 87 
 
 St. Anthony's Fish Sermon, 135 
 
 The Capture, 103 
 
 The Nimble Bank Note, 154 
 
 The Question, 144 
 
 The Rationalistic Chicken, 158 
 
 Word Pyramid 132 
 
y 
 
 'ART 
 
 If 
 
 i: 
 
 x_ 
 
 X 
 
Puzzles and Oddities. 
 
 My First the heats of July pack 
 "With rows of milk-pans down the back ; 
 September fills them all with starch, 
 And, though they neither drill nor march, 
 
 Each has a warlike name : 
 October plucks my honors off, 
 And down I'm thrown to floor or trough ; 
 Perchance the mill to powder turns 
 Or smouldering fire to ashes burns 
 
 My rough and useless frame. 
 
 A weaver's loom my Second fills 
 In dozens of tall cotton mills, 
 Before the shuttle, o'er and through, 
 Has thrown the filling straight and true, 
 
 And made each ending fast. 
 My "Whole a house in corners set, 
 Has swung as long as time, and yet 
 A trap for foolish folk shall swing, 
 And lessons to the wiser bring, 
 
 As long as time shall last. 
 
 2. 
 
 What is that which we often return, but never 
 borrow ? 
 
 3. 
 Can you tell me of what parentage Napoleon the 
 First was ? 
 
 4. 
 What was Joan of Are made of f 
 
 5. 
 Why ought stars to be the best Astronomers ? 
 
14 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 6. 
 
 What colors were the winds and the waves in the 
 last violent storm ? 
 
 7. 
 In what color should a secret be kept % 
 
 8. 
 How do trees get at their summer dress without 
 opening their trunks ? 
 
 9. 
 Why am I queerer than you % 
 
 10. 
 
 Mr. Premium took my First, and he wrote to Captain Smith, 
 And said: "Sir, do my Second to my Third, forthwith." 
 Now, Mr. P., you see, though a millionaire he be, 
 Could not, without my Whole, have sent Captain Smith to sea. 
 
 11. 
 
 Two pronouns find, but mind they suit, 
 And then between them "a — t" put: 
 The combination quickly yields 
 What may be seen on Scotland's fields. 
 Now, for the first word, substitute 
 Another pronoun that will "suit; , ' 
 When this is done, 'twill bring to view 
 What every day is seen by you. 
 
 12. 
 
 Me the contented man desires, 
 The poor man has, the rich requires, 
 The miser gives, the spendthrift saves, 
 And all men axvry to their graves. 
 
 13. 
 
 A BUSINESS OSDEE. 
 "J. Gray: 
 
 Pack with my box five dozen quills." 
 What is its peculiarity ? 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 15 
 
 14. 
 Those who have me not, do not wish for me ; those 
 who have me, do not wish to lose me ; and those who 
 gain me, have me no longer. 
 
 15. 
 Although Methusaleh was the oldest man that ever 
 lived, yet he died before his father. 
 
 16. 
 If Moses was by adoption the son of Pharaoh's 
 daughter, was he not, " by the same token,*' the 
 daughter of Pharaoh's son f 
 
 17. 
 What is the best time to study the book of Nature % 
 
 18. 
 What is the religion of Nature in the spring ? 
 
 19. 
 There is an article of common domestic consumption, 
 whose name contains six letters, from which may be 
 formed twenty-two nouns, without using the plurals. 
 What is it ! 
 
 20. 
 What word is that, of two syllables, to which if you 
 prefix one letter, two letters, or two other letters, you 
 form, in each instance, a word of one syllable ? 
 
 21 
 Le favorite 
 spring of 1861 ? 
 
 What was the favorite salad at the South, in the 
 
 22. 
 
 There was a thing, 'twas two days old 
 
 Ere Adam was, of yore ; 
 Before that thing was five weeks old, 
 
 Adam was years four-score. 
 
10 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 23. 
 
 What's that which on four limbs doth move 
 
 When first it sees the light 
 But walks erect on two at noon, 
 
 And creeps on three at night ? 
 
 24. 
 A sailor launched a ship of force, 
 A cargo put therein, of course ; 
 No goods had he he wished to sell ; 
 Each wind did serve his turn as well ; 
 To neither port nor harbor bound, 
 His greatest wish to run aground. 
 
 25. 
 
 A merry maid, whose pleasant name 
 Was my sweet First. Under a tree 
 She sat, and sang my Third, as free 
 As the wild crows, that without dread, 
 My Second called above her head. 
 Anon she turned, (with a last look 
 Above, below.) unto her book — 
 
 My Whole the author. Guess the same. 
 
 26. 
 The tliree most forcible letters in our alphabet 
 
 27. 
 The two which contain nothing ? 
 
 28. 
 The four which express great corpulence % 
 
 29. 
 The four which indicate exalted station ? 
 
 30. 
 The three which excite our tears % 
 
 31. 
 What foreign letter is an English title ? 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 17 
 
 32. 
 What foreign letter is a yard and a half long ? 
 
 33. 
 What letter will unfasten an Irish lock ? 
 
 34. 
 When was B the first letter of the alphabet, while 
 E and O were the only vowels ? 
 
 35. 
 What letter is always more or less heavily taxed % 
 
 36. 
 What letter is entirely out of fashion % 
 
 37. 
 Why is praising people like a certain powerful 
 opiate % 
 
 38. 
 Prove that a man has five feet. 
 
 . 39. 
 WHAT AM I? 
 I was once the harbinger of good to prisoners. 
 I add to the magnitude of a mighty river. 
 I am a small portion of a large ecclesiastical body. 
 I represent a certain form of vegetable growth. 
 A term used by our Lord in speaking to His disciples. 
 A subordinate part of a famous eulogy. 
 I am made useful in connection with the Great 
 Western Eailway. 
 
 40. 
 
 5005 El OOO E, 
 
 5005E1000E. 
 The name of a modern novel. 
 
18 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 41. 
 
 Two words in French are often spoken ; 
 
 Of home and love the fondest token : 
 
 But, strange to say it, one of these 
 
 Is English, from beyond the seas; 
 
 And. though the thing seems quite absurd, 
 
 It means the same as t'other word. 
 
 42. 
 
 You fain would win fair Julia's heart — 
 
 " Have I the power?" you'd ask her, 
 But, .from your lips the words won't part — 
 
 " Tis not an easy task, Sir !" 
 " I know 'tis not, for one so shy." 
 
 " Well, how shall I begin, Sir ?" 
 " Be what you ask her," I reply, 
 
 "And, ten to one, you'll win, Sir!" 
 
 43. 
 My First is company ; my Second shims company ; 
 my Third calls together a company ; and my Whole 
 entertains company. 
 
 44. 
 
 My First is a sound, of tranquillity telling, — 
 
 A cozy and complaisant sound for your dwelling. 
 
 A place which for criminals fittest is reckoned, 
 
 Yet where saints find ineffable peace, is my Second. 
 
 'Or, where niggardly natures, who hunger and thirst 
 
 For the wealth of this world, keep their hearts, is my First ; 
 
 While my Second's a measure you'll know at a glance, 
 
 For 'tis shortest in Flanders, and longest in France. 
 
 Oh ! my Whole is a name widely known, well beloved, 
 A name blessed on earth, and in Heaven approved ; 
 Crowned by Faith and G-ood Works with so holy a light 
 That angels, themselves, thrill with joy at the sight. 
 
 45. 
 Dr. Whewell being asked by a young lady for his 
 name " in cipher," handed her the following lines : 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 19 
 
 You a 0, but I thee — 
 Oil, no 0, but oh, me ; 
 And 0, let my no go, 
 But give 10 you so ! • 
 
 46. 
 Why was the execution of Charles the First volun- 
 tary ou his part 1 
 
 47. 
 How is Poe's "Baven" shown to have been a very 
 dissipated bird ? 
 
 48. 
 Set down four 9's so as to make one hundred. 
 
 49. 
 The cc 4 put 00000000. 
 si 
 
 50. 
 John Doe to Eichard Koe, Dr. 
 
 To 2 bronze boxes $3 00 
 
 1 wooden do 1 50 
 
 1 wood do 1 50 
 
 This bill was canceled by the payment of $1:50. 
 How? 
 
 51. 
 
 When was Cowper in debt ? 
 
 52. 
 What animal comes from the clouds 1 
 
 53. 
 
 My First is one of mystic three, 
 Who go where goes true Liberty ; 
 Sets with the sun, with him to rise, 
 Lives in the flame and with it dies ; 
 Fades with the leaf that earthward flies. 
 
20 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 My Second cleaves the morning air, 
 Floats through the evening still and fair; 
 Now soars beyond the mountain crest, 
 Now nutters downward to its rest. 
 Now broods upon some hidden nest. 
 
 My Whole long since the prairie trod, 
 Now rests beneath the prairie-sod: 
 Yet still upon the river "stands, 
 And calls the stranger to the lands 
 Which Eeminichia's * cliff commands. 
 
 54. 
 I saw a peacock with a fiery tail 
 I saw a bla zing comet pour down hail 
 I saw a cloud all wrapt with ivy 'round 
 I saw a lofty oak creep on the ground 
 I saw a beetle swallow up a whale 
 I saw the foaming sea brimful of ale 
 I saw a pewter cup sixteen feet deep 
 T saw a well full of men's tears, that weep 
 I saw wet eyes in flames of living fire 
 I saw a house as high as the moon and higher 
 I saw the glorious sun at deep midnight 
 I saw the man who saw this wondrous sight ! 
 
 An incredulous friend actually ventured to doubt 
 the above plain statement of facts, but was soon con- 
 vinced of its literal truth. 
 
 55. 
 Charles the First walked and talked half an hour 
 after his head was cut off. 
 
 56. 
 At the time of a frightful accident, what is better 
 than presence of mind ? 
 
 57. 
 
 Why was the year preceding 1871 the same as the 
 year following it ? 
 
 * Reminichia — overhanging the water — the Indian name of a hluff at the 
 entrance of a certain Minnesota city. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 21 
 
 58. 
 
 Why do " birds in their little nests agree f 
 
 59. 
 What did Io die of? 
 
 60. 
 Why did a certain farmer out West name his favor- 
 ite rooster Bobinson ? 
 
 61. 
 How do sailors know there's a man in the moon % 
 
 62. 
 How do sailors know Long Island % 
 
 63. 
 What does a dog wear in warm weather, besides his 
 collar % 
 
 64. 
 
 If you transpose what ladies wear, 
 'Twill plainly show what bad men are : 
 Again, if you transpose the same, 
 You'll see an ancient Hebrew's name : 
 Change it again and it will show, 
 "What all on earth desire to do. 
 
 65. 
 
 Two brothers, wisely kept apart, 
 
 Together ne'er employed ; 
 Though to one purpose we are bent, 
 
 Each takes a different side. 
 
 To us no head nor mouth belongs, 
 
 Yet plain our tongues appear ; 
 With them we never speak a word, 
 
 Without them, useless are. 
 
 In blood and wounds we deal, yet good 
 
 In temper we are proved ; 
 From passion we are always free, 
 
 Though oft with anger moved. 
 
22 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 We travel much, yet prisoners are, 
 
 And close confined, to boot ; 
 Can with the swiftest horse keep pace, 
 
 Yet always go on foot. 
 
 66. 
 Translate : 
 
 Je suis capitaine de vingt-cinq soldats; et, sans inoi, 
 Paris serait pris. 
 
 67. 
 Je suis ce que je suis, et je ne suis pas ce que je suis. 
 Si j'etais ce que je suis, je ne serais pas ce que je suis. 
 
 Mus cucurrit plenum sed 
 Contra meum magnum ad ! 
 
 Mens tuum ego ! 
 
 70. 
 
 The title of a book : Castra tintinnabula Poemata. 
 
 r 
 
 71. 
 Motto on a Chinese box : Tu doces ! 
 
 72. 
 
 AAAAAA 
 
 k 
 
 'tlmi2y 
 
 73. 
 Translate : 
 
 Quis crudus enim lectus, albus, et spiravit ! 
 
 74. 
 Ecrivez : " J'ai grand app^tit," en deux lettres. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 23 
 
 75. 
 
 Monosyllabic I, and a reptile, I trow ; 
 
 But, cut me in twain, I form syllables two. 
 
 I'm English, I'm Latin, the one and the other ; 
 
 And what's Latin for one half, is English for t'other. 
 
 76. 
 
 Ever running on my race, 
 Never staying in one place, 
 Through the world I make my tour 
 Everywhere at the same hour. 
 If you please to spell my name, 
 Backward, forward, 'tis the same. 
 
 77. 
 In my First my Second sat; my Third and 
 Fourth I ate ; and yet I was my Whole. 
 
 78. 
 
 Tonis Adresto Mare. 
 Mare ! Eva si forma?, 
 
 Eormse ure tonitru ; 
 Iambicum as amandum, 
 
 Olet Hymen promptu ! 
 Mihi his vetas annas se, 
 
 As humano erebi ; 
 Olet mecum, mare,- to te, 
 
 Or Eta Beta Pi. 
 
 Alas, piano more meretrix ; 
 
 Mi ardor vel uno, 
 Inferiam ure artis base 
 
 Tolerat me urebo. 
 Ah me ! ve ara scilicet 
 
 To laudu vimin thus : 
 Hiatu as arandum sex — 
 
 Illuc Ionicus ! 
 
 Heu ! sed heu ! vixin, imago, 
 
 Mi missis mare sta ! 
 cantu redit in mihi 
 
 Hibernus arida ? 
 
24 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Everi dafur heri si ; 
 
 Mihi resolves indu ; 
 Totius, olet Hymen cum 
 
 Accepta tonitru ! 
 
 79. 
 
 From these five squares take three 
 
 of the fifteen sides, and leave three squares. 
 
 form parts. 
 
 80. 
 
 Divide this figure into four equal and uni- 
 
 81. 
 
 Four things there are all of a height, 
 One of them crooked, the rest upright. 
 Take three away, and you will find 
 Exactly ten remains behind: 
 But, if you cut the four in twain, 
 You'll find one-balf doth eight retain. 
 
 82. 
 To divide eight gallons of vinegar equally between 
 two i>ersons; using only an eight gallon, a five gallon, 
 and a three gallon measure ? 
 
 83. 
 A certain miller takes " for toll" one tenth of the 
 meal or flour he grinds. What quantity must he grind 
 in order that a customer may have just a bushel of meal 
 after the toll has been taken 1 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 25 
 
 84. 
 
 To prove that two are equal to one : 
 
 Let x — a : Then, x' 2 = ax, 
 x 2 — a 2 = ax — a 2 , 
 (x -f- a) (x — a) — a (x — a), 
 • a; -|- a = a, 
 2a = a, 
 2 = 1. Q. E. D. 
 
 Where is the fallacy % 
 
 85. 
 
 As two Arabs, who had for sole provision, the one 
 five, and the other three loaves of bread, were about 
 to take their noonday meal in company, they were 
 joined by a stranger who proposed to purchase a third 
 part of their food. In payment he gave them, when 
 their repast was finished, eight pieces of silver, and 
 they, unable to agree as to the division of the sum 
 referred the matter to the nearest Oadi, who gave 
 seven pieces to the owner of the five loaves, and but 
 one piece to the owner of the three loaves. And the 
 Oadi was right. 
 
 86. 
 A man went to a store and bought a pair of boots 
 for six dollars. He put down a ten dollar bill, and the 
 merchant having no change, sent for it to a neighbor- 
 ing bank, and gave it to him. Later in the day one of 
 the bank clerks came in to say that the ten dollar bill 
 was a bad one, and insisted that the merchant should 
 make it right, which he did. Now, how much did he 
 lose by the whole transaction ? 
 
 87. 
 A man bought twelve herrings for a shilling ; some 
 were two pence apiece, some a halfpenny, and some a 
 farthing. How many did he buy of each kind f 
 
26 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 My First is the last of me ; 
 My Second is not so much ;' 
 And my Whole is entirely destitute of my First. 
 
 89. 
 
 There is a word of plural number, 
 A foe to peace and tranquil slumber ; 
 Now, any word you chance to take, " 
 Adding an s will plural make ; 
 But if you add an s to this, 
 How strange the metamorphosis ! 
 Plural is plural then no more, 
 And sweet what bitter was before. 
 
 0. 
 
 " Charge, Chester, charge! On, Stanley, on!" 
 
 Were the last words of Marmion. 
 
 Had I been in Stanley's place, 
 
 When Marmion urged him to the chase, 
 
 You then would very soon descry, 
 
 What brings a tear to every eye. 
 
 91. 
 
 My First, if you do, will increase ; 
 
 My Second will keep you from Heaven, 
 My Whole — such is human caprice — 
 
 Is seldom er taken than given. 
 
 92. 
 When may a man reasonably complain of Ms coffee ? 
 
 93. 
 Why does a duck put her head under water ? 
 
 94. 
 Why does she take it out again % 
 
 95. 
 In what terms does Shakespeare allude to the mud- 
 diness of the river on which Liverpool lies % 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 27 
 
 If the K mt put : If the K . putting : 
 
 So said one, but another replied : How can I put : 
 when there is such a-der ? 
 
 97. 
 Why is a man who never bets, as bad as one who 
 bets habitually ? 
 
 98. 
 When is a bonnet not a bonnet ? 
 
 99. 
 
 Twice ten are six of us ; 
 
 Six are but three : 
 Nine are but four of us ; 
 
 What can we be ? 
 "Would you know more of us ? 
 
 I'll tell you more ; 
 Seven are five of us, 
 
 Five are but four ! 
 
 100. 
 
 As I was going to St. Ives' 
 I met seven wives ; 
 
 Each wife had seven sacks, 
 Each sack had seven cats, 
 Each cat had seven kits, — 
 Kits, cats, sacks and wives, 
 How many were going to St. Ives' ? 
 
 101. 
 Helen, after sitting an hour, dressed for a walk, at 
 length set out alone, leaving the following laconic note 
 for the friend who, she had expected, would accompany 
 her: 2 p. 
 
 102. 
 
 Come and commiserate one who was blind, 
 Helpless and desolate, void of a mind ; 
 
28 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Guileless, deceiving ; though unbelieving, 
 
 Free from all sin. 
 
 By mortals adored, still I ignored 
 
 The world I was in. 
 
 King Ptolemy's, Caesar's, and Tiglath Pilezer's 
 
 Birth days are shown ; 
 
 Wise men, astrologers, all are acknowledgers, 
 
 Mine is unknown. 
 
 I never had father or mother 
 
 Alive at my birth. 
 
 Lodged in a palace, taunted by malice, 
 
 I did not inherit by lineage or merit, 
 
 A spot on the earth. 
 
 Nursed among pagans, no one baptized me, 
 
 Sponsor I had, who ne'er catechised me ; 
 
 She gave me the name to her heart that was dearest; 
 
 She gave me the place to her bosom was nearest ; 
 
 But one look of kindness she cast on me never, 
 
 Nor word of my blindness I heard from her ever. 
 
 Encompassed by strangers, naught could alarm me; 
 
 I saved, I destroyed, I blessed, I alloyed; 
 
 Kept a crown for a prince, but had none of my own ; 
 
 Filled the place of a king, but ne'er had a throne ; 
 
 Kescued a warrior, baffled a plot ; 
 
 Was what I seemed not, seemed what I was not ; 
 
 Devoted to slaughter, a price on my head, 
 
 A king's lovely daughter watched by my bed. 
 
 How gently she dressed me, fainting with fear! 
 
 She never caressed me, nor wiped off a tear ; 
 
 Ne'er moistened my lips, though parched and dry, 
 
 What marvel a blight should pursue and defy ? 
 
 'Twas royalty nursed me wretched and poor : 
 
 'Twas royalty cursed me in secret, I'm sure. 
 
 I lived not, I died not, but tell you I must, 
 
 That ages have passed since I first turned to dust. 
 
 This paradox whence ? this squalor, this splendor ? 
 
 Say, was I king, or silly pretender? 
 
 Fathom the mystery, deep injny history — 
 
 Was I a man ? 
 
 An angel supernal, a demon infernal ? 
 
 Solve it who can. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 29 
 
 103. 
 
 A blind beggar had a brother. This blind beggar's 
 brother went to sea and was drowned. But the man 
 that was drowned had no brother. What relation to 
 him, then, was the blind beggar ? 
 
 104. 
 
 Two brothers were walking together down the street, 
 and one of them, stopping at a certain house, knocked 
 at the door, observing : " I have a niece here, who is 
 ill." "Thank Heaven," said the other, "I have no 
 niece!" and he walked away. Now, how could that 
 be? 
 
 105. 
 
 " How is that man related to you V 7 asked one gen- 
 tleman of another. . 
 
 " Brother or sister I have none, 
 But that man's father was my father's son." 
 
 106. 
 Describe a cat's clothing botanically. 
 
 107. 
 What is that which boys and girls have once in a 
 life-time, men and women never have, and Mt. Par- 
 nassus has twice in one place ? 
 
 108. 
 Why is the highest mountain in Wales always white ? 
 
 109. 
 To what two cities of Massachusetts should little 
 boys go with their boats 1 
 
 110. 
 
 There kneels in holy St. Cuthbert's aisles 
 No holier Father than Father Giles : 
 Matins or Vespers, it matters not which, 
 He is ever there like a saint in his niche : 
 
30 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Morning and midnight his Missal he reads, 
 Midnight and morning he tells his beads. 
 
 Wide-spread the fame of that Holy man ! 
 Potent his blessing, and dreaded his ban : 
 Wondrous the marvels his piety works 
 On unbelieving heathen, and infidel Turks, 
 But strangest of all is the power he is given 
 To turn maidens' hearts to the. service of Heaven, 
 
 St. Ursula's Prioress comes to-day, 
 
 At holy St. Cuthbert's shrine to pray, 
 
 She comes with an offering ; she comes with a prayer ; 
 
 For she leads to the altar the Lady Clare. 
 
 Mary Mother ! how fair a maid 
 
 To yield the world for the cloister's shade! 
 
 She yields, to-morrow, her gold and lands 
 For the Church's use, to the Church's hands, 
 Renounces the world, with its pleasures and wiles, 
 And to-day she confesses to Father G-iles : 
 Slight is the penance, 1 ween, may atone 
 For all of sin she hath ever known ! 
 
 " Daughter ! since last thou didst kneel for grace, 
 Hath peace in thy heart found a dwelling-place ? 
 From thy breast hast thou banished each idle thought? 
 Save thy spirit's weal hast thou pined for naught ?" 
 Moist is her kerchief, and drooped her head, 
 But my First is all that poor Clara said. 
 
 " Daughter! thy cheek hath grown pale and thin — 
 
 Is thy spirit pure and chastened within ? 
 
 Gone from thy voice is its ancient mirth ? 
 
 Are thy sighs for Heaven ? Thy tears for earth ?" 
 
 For earth are her sighs, yet poor Clara knows 
 
 My Second no more than the spring's first rose ! 
 
 Why doth he tremble, that holy man, 
 
 At eye so sad, and at cheek so wan ? 
 
 Less burning the tears, less bitter the sighs 
 
 Heaven asks from its willing votaries ! 
 
 And, alas ! when my All weeps as Clara weeps, 
 
 Holy Church gaineth more than she ofttimes keeps ! 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 31 
 
 111. 
 
 NOTABLE NAMES. 
 
 One name that means such fiery things 
 I can't describe their pains and stings. 
 
 112. 
 
 Red as an apple, or black as night : 
 A heavenly sign, or a " perfect fright." 
 
 113. 
 
 Place an edible grain 'twixt an ant and a bee, 
 And the well-beloved name of a poet you'll see. 
 
 114. 
 
 Each human head, in time, 'tis said, 
 Will turn to him, though he is dead. 
 
 115. 
 
 A little more 
 
 Than a sandy shore. 
 
 116. 
 
 The dearest, " sweetest, spot on earth to me," 
 And, just surpassing it, a name you'll see. 
 
 117. 
 A head-dress. 
 
 118. 
 
 Inclining to one of the four parts of the compass. 
 
 119. 
 A mineral and a chain of hills. 
 
 120. 
 A metal, and a worker in metals. 
 
 121. 
 A sound made by an insect ; and a fastening. 
 
 122. 
 A sound made by an animal ; and a fastening. 
 
32 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 123. 
 
 A sound made by an animal, and a measure of 
 length. 
 
 124. 
 
 A Latin noun and a measure of quantity. 
 
 125. 
 A bodily pain. 
 
 126. 
 The value of a word. 
 
 127. 
 A manufactured metal. 
 
 128. 
 To agitate a weapon. 
 
 129. 
 A domestic animal, and what she cannot do. 
 
 130. 
 Which is the greater poet, William Shakespeare or* 
 John Dryden ? 
 
 131. 
 
 A barrier before an edible ; a barrier built of an 
 
 edible. 
 
 132. 
 
 . One-fourth of the earth's surface, and a preposition. 
 
 133. 
 One-fourth of the earth's surface, aud a conjunction. 
 
 134. 
 A song j to follo^ the chase. 
 
 135. 
 A solid fence, a native of Poland. 
 
 136. 
 An incessant pilgrim ; fourteen pounds weight. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 33 
 
 137. 
 
 A quick succession of small sounds. 
 
 138. 
 Obsolete past participle of a verb meaning to illu- 
 minate. 
 
 139. 
 A carriage, a liquid, a narrow passage. 
 
 140. 
 To prosecute, and one who is guarded. 
 
 141. 
 A letter withdraws from a name to make it more 
 
 brilliant. 
 
 142. 
 A letter withdraws from a name and tells you to 
 talk more. 
 
 143. 
 Why is a man who lets houses, likely to have a good 
 many cousins ? 
 
 144. 
 What relation is the door-mat to the door-step ? 
 
 145. 
 What is it that gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays 
 the doctor's bill? 
 
 146. ^/ 
 
 What is brought upon the table, and cut but never 
 eaten ? 
 
 147. 
 What cord is that which is full of knots which no 
 one can untie, and in which no one can tie another % 
 
 148. 
 What requires more philosophy than taking things 
 as they come ? 
 
 149. 
 What goes most against a farmer's grain % 
 
34 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 150. 
 
 Which of Shakespeare's characters killed most poul- 
 try? 
 
 151. 
 
 THE BISHOP OF OXFORD'S RIDDLE. 
 
 I have a large box, 1 two lids, 2 two caps, 3 two musi- 
 cal instruments, 4 and a large number of articles which 
 a carpenter cannot dispense with. 5 I have always 
 about me a couple of good fish, 6 and a great num- 
 ber of small size : 7 two lofty trees, 8 and four branches 
 of trees; 9 some fine flowers, 10 and the fruit of an in. 
 digenous plant. 11 I have two playful animals, 12 and 
 a vast number of smaller ones ; 13 also, a fine stag, 14 and 
 a number of whips without handles. 15 
 
 I have two halls or places of worship, 16 some wea- 
 pons of warfare, 17 and innumerable weather-cocks : 18 
 the steps of a hotel; 19 the House of Commons on the 
 eve of a division; 20 two students or scholars, 21 and 
 ten Spanish gentlemen to wait upon their neighbors. 22 
 
 To these may be added, a rude bed ; a the highest 
 part of a building ; b a roadway over water; leaves of 
 grass ; d a pair of rainbows ; e a boat ; f a stately pillar ;? 
 a part of a buckle ; h several social assemblies j 1 part of 
 the equipments of a saddle-horse ; j a pair of imple- 
 ments matched by another pair of implements much 
 used by blacksmiths ; 3 several means of fastening. 1 * 
 
 152. 
 
 Be thou my First in study or in play, 
 
 Through all the sunny hours which make the day. 
 
 Go to my Second, and do not despise 
 
 Her useful teachings, wonderful and wise: 
 
 Yet, for this purpose, never be my Whole, 
 
 Nor seek to wander from a wise control. 
 
TUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 35 
 
 153. 
 
 Be sure you do my First, whene'er you see 
 My Second iu the garden or the tree ; 
 But set my Whole upon the open plain 
 If you would have a plenteous crop of grain. 
 
 154. 
 
 My First is a house men love to view; 
 
 My Second you do when you fasten your shoe ; 
 
 My Third is one of a loving two ; 
 
 My Whole I fain would be with you. 
 
 155. 
 
 1. A common fish, or an Eastern bay ; 
 
 2. Part of a visage, or self to say ; 
 
 3. The lowest part ol window or door; 
 Whole. The end of a will that was made before. 
 
 156. 
 
 I have a little friend who possesses something very 
 precious. It is a piece of workmanship of exquisite 
 skill, and was said by our Blessed Saviour to be an 
 object of His Father's peculiar care ; yet it does not 
 display the attribute of either benevolence or compas- 
 sion. If its possessor were to lose it, no human inge- 
 nuity could replace it; and yet, speaking generally, it 
 is very abundant. It was first given to Adam in 
 Paradise, along with his beautiful Eve, though he 
 previously had it in his possession. 
 
 It will last as long as the world lasts, and yet it is 
 destroyed every day. It lives in beauty after the 
 grave has closed over mortality. It is to be found in 
 all parts of the earth, while three distinct portions of 
 it exist in the air. It is seen on the field of carnage, 
 yet it is a bond of affection, a token of amity, a pledge 
 of pure love. It was the cause of death to one famed 
 for beauty and ambition. I have only to add that it 
 has been used as a napkin and a crown, and that it 
 appears like silver after long exposure to the air. 
 
36 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 157. 
 
 Wlieii the king found that his money was nearly 
 all gone, and that he really must live more economi- 
 cally, he decided on sending away most of his wise 
 men. There were some hundreds of them — very fine 
 old men, and magnificently dressed in green velvet 
 gowns with gold buttons. If they had a fault, it was 
 that they always contradicted each other when he 
 asked their advice — and they certainly ate and drank 
 enormously. So, on the whole, he was rather glad to 
 get rid of them. But there was an old lay which he 
 did not dare to disobey, which said there must 
 always be : 
 
 " Seven blind of both eyes ; 
 Ten blind of one eye ; 
 Five that see with, both eyes ; 
 Nine that see with one eye." 
 
 Query : How many did he keep! 
 
 158. 
 Why are not Lowell, Holmes, and Saxe the wittiest 
 poets in America ! 
 
 159. 
 Why did they call William Cullen Bryant, Cullen ! 
 
 160. 
 Why do we retain only three hundred and twenty- 
 five days in our year f 
 
 161. 
 What seven letters express actual presence in this 
 place j and, without transposition, actual absence from 
 every place ? 
 
 162.' 
 Is Florence, (Italy,) on the Tiber ? If not, on what 
 river does it lie ? Answer both questions in one word. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 37 
 
 163. 
 
 Is there a word in our language which answers this 
 question, and contains all the vowels ? 
 
 164. 
 What is it that goes up the hill ; and down the hill, 
 and never moves ? 
 
 165. 
 What 'bus has found room for the greatest number 
 of people ? 
 
 166. 
 In describing a chance encounter with your doctor, 
 what kind of a philosopher do you name 1 
 
 167. 
 
 My First is of my Second made, 
 • And holds within its ample bound, 
 The grosser things of human trade, 
 
 From half a ton to half a pound . 
 But mostly from a barren isle, 
 
 Named from the land of Bajazet, 
 Where tropic sunbeams fiercely smile, 
 
 It brings a crystalled muriate. 
 
 But, in the land of Moslem mosque, 
 
 Of cool sherbet, and scimitar, 
 Of harem dark and fair kiosk, 
 
 It hath an office fouler far 
 Than e'en the headsman's sinecure : 
 
 For slighted loves and jealousies 
 It finds a never-failing cure 
 
 Deep in the dark Borysthenes. 
 
 The fleecy flocks on Scotia's hills ; 
 
 The snow-crowned plant on Georgia's soil, 
 The Linum with its pale blue bells, 
 
 My Second yield to human toil. 
 To shelter from the sun and storm, 
 
 It hangs in most unseemly shape 
 Around the beggar's shriveled form ; 
 
 Or tits a dandy, or an ape. 
 3 
 
38 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 The gentle Rizpah, when the ire 
 
 Of Gibeon poured its bloody gall, 
 Did to the courts of Death retire 
 
 To watch the murdered sons of Saul: 
 More truly great was Aiah's child, 
 
 As on my "Whole she sat alone, 
 To fright the wolf and vulture wild, 
 
 Than coward Saul upon his throne. 
 
 And ever — sj^mbol dark of doom, 
 
 A type of deep humility — 
 My Whole speaks of the fearful tomb, 
 
 The coffin, shroud, and cypress tree ; 
 Save in the far-off Orient, 
 
 Where Light's own spotless color 
 Is with the tears of mourners blent, 
 
 And made the type of dolor. 
 
 168. 
 What physician stands at the top of his profession % 
 
 169. 
 Would you rather an elephant killed you, or a 
 gorilla ? 
 
 170. 
 Why is an amiable and charming girl like one letter 
 deep in thought, another on its way toward you 
 another bearing a torch, and another slowly singing 
 psalms ? 
 
 171. 
 Why is Emma, in a sorrowful mood, one of a certain 
 sect of Jews ? 
 
 172. 
 
 "Why is she, always, one of another sect ? 
 
 173. 
 What English writer Avould have been a successful 
 angler % 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 39 
 
 174, 
 
 What is that which you and every living man have 
 seen, but can never see again ? 
 
 175. 
 Which is the strongest day in the week % 
 
 176. 
 
 Come from my First, aye, come ! 
 
 The battle dawn is nigh ; 
 And the screaming trump, and the thundering drum 
 
 Are calling thee to die. 
 Fight as thy fathers fought, 
 
 Fall as thy fathers fell ; 
 Thy task is taught, thy shroud is wrought ; 
 
 So, forward ! and farewell ! 
 
 Toll ye my Second, toll ! 
 
 Fling high the flambeau's light ; 
 And sing the hymn for the parted soul 
 
 Beneath the silent night. 
 The wreath upon his head, 
 
 The cross upon his breast, 
 Let the prayer be said, and the tear be shed, 
 
 So, take him to his rest ! 
 
 Call ye my Whole, aye, call 
 
 The lord of lute and lay ; 
 And let him greet the sable pall 
 
 With a noble song to-day. 
 Go, call him by his name ; 
 
 No fitter hand may crave 
 To light the flame of a soldier's fame 
 
 On the turf of a soldier's grave. 
 
 177. 
 
 Oh, gloomy, gloomy, is my First 
 
 To all who step within ! 
 But doubly gloomy to the one 
 
 Who dwells there for his sin. 
 
40 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Oh, silent, silent, are the tongues 
 Of those who are my Next ! 
 
 Oh, never be unkind to them, 
 Or with their failings vexed. 
 
 Oh, kindly fall sweet pity's words 
 Upon the outcast's heart! 
 
 My Whole will tell how oft they come 
 Their blessing to impart. 
 
 178. 
 
 What a common man often sees ; 
 What a king or emperor seldom sees ; 
 What G-OD never sees ? 
 
 179. 
 
 A shining wit pronounced, of late, 
 That every acting magistrate 
 Is water in a freezing state. 
 
 180. ' 
 
 I'm rough, I'm smooth, I'm wet, I'm dry; 
 My station low, my title high ; 
 The king my lawful master is, — 
 I'm used by all, though only his. 
 
 181. 
 
 My First's a stream in classic land ; 
 My Second all well understand 
 Who traveled much by public aid 
 Ere steam ingenious man obeyed. 
 
 My First, when cut in two again, 
 Has part in shedding light 'mong men ; 
 My Second, though 'tis no disgrace, 
 Writes wrinkles on the human face. 
 
 My Whole is not of recent birth, 
 But something proved of real worth, 
 Whose task is to facilitate 
 The movements of the Ship of State. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 41 
 
 182. 
 
 I am a king ; my palace low, yet rule I with extensive sway ; 
 Great kings had Egypt long ago, but yet I reigned before their day ; 
 To epicures my reign I owe more than to any other thing — 
 Though guillotine I undergo, it keeps me not from being king. 
 With head cut off, T am a king ; with neck cut off and head left on, 
 I will be king : yes ! I'll be king though head and neck should both be 
 
 gone. 
 Tf head and foot I both should lose, a blood relation you'd espy ; 
 For, then, a kin I would disclose : now tell, I pray, what king am I ? 
 
 183. 
 
 My Fikst is in the cornfield seen ; 
 
 My Secoxd in the hedges green ; 
 
 My "Whole from glossy vines you glean. 
 
 184. 
 What is the smallest room in the world % 
 
 185. 
 What is often found where it does not exist ? 
 
 186. 
 What is that which is lengthened by being cut at 
 both ends % 
 
 187. 
 When do your teeth usurp the functions of your 
 tongue % 
 
 188. 
 What word is that to which if you add one syllable, 
 it will be shorter ? 
 
 189. 
 What is that which is lower with a head than with- 
 out one % 
 
 190. 
 What vice is that which people shun if they are 
 ever so bad ? 
 
 191. 
 Which travels at greater speed, heat or cold ? 
 
42 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 192. 
 
 My First hath teeth, yet 'tis no man ; 
 It hath no hands, yet work it can. 
 My Next hath teeth, for 'tis a man, 
 Or 'tis an herb dried on a pan. 
 My Whole hath no teeth : 'tis no man, 
 'Tis eaten oft by all his clan. 
 
 193. 
 
 A maid sat sewing in castle hall, 
 
 Near an arching window in the wall ; 
 
 And again and again her song she rehearsed 
 
 As she placed on her lover's kerchief my First, 
 
 For her lover was coming from foreign land 
 
 To give her his heart, and to claim her hand. 
 
 Ah ! in foreign dungeon her lover lay, 
 "Where stone on stone shut out every ray. 
 He never the hand of the maiden would clasp ; 
 He was held by my Second's iron grasp. 
 
 "With feverish thirst he calls for drink — 
 Ere long he hears the rattle and clink 
 Of the jailer's keys, as he brings the cup, 
 And bids the prisoner drink it up. 
 
 Eagerly, quickly, he slakes his thirst. 
 Heaven pity the maid! In that draught accurst, 
 Is mingled my Whole; and, with failing breath, 
 The doomed man sinks in the arms of death. 
 
 194. 
 
 A word I am of letters seven, 
 A name to noble women given; 
 Take three away, (the last I mean,) 
 And I'm a man fit for a queen ; 
 Eemove one more, and, lo! you'll see 
 That I my former sex will be ; 
 Another drop, and two remain 
 Which tell I am a man again. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 43 
 
 195. 
 
 No rose can boast a lovelier hue 
 Than I can when my birth is new : 
 Of shorter date than e'en that flower, 
 I bloom and fade within an hour. 
 Though some in me their honor place, 
 I bear the stigma of disgrace ; 
 Like Marplot, eager to reveal 
 The secret I would fain conceal. 
 Fools, coxcombs, wits, agree in this, 
 They equally destroy my peace ; 
 Though 'gainst my will to stoop so low, 
 At their command I come and go. 
 
 196. 
 When a blind man drank tea, how did he manage 
 to see? 
 
 197. 
 Why is a mouse like grass % 
 
 198. 
 What is the key-note of good breeding ! 
 
 199. 
 What is the typical " Yankee's " key-note 1 
 
 200. 
 If you were on the second floor of a burning house 
 and the stairs were away, how would you escape % 
 
 201. 
 
 My First is nothing but a name ; 
 
 My Second still more small ; 
 My Whole is of so little fame, 
 
 It has no name at all. 
 
 202. 
 A carpenter made a door and made it too large ; he 
 cut it again and cut it too little ; he cut it again and 
 made it fit. 
 
44 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 203. 
 
 A wagoner, being asked of what his load consisted, 
 made the following (rather indirect) reply : 
 
 Three-fourths of a cross, and a circle complete; 
 An upright, where two semi-circles do meet; 
 A right-angled triangle standing on feet ; 
 Two semi-circles, and a circle complete. 
 
 What is it? 
 204. 
 Why need people never suffer from hunger on such 
 a desert as Sahara ? 
 
 207. 
 How do the arks used for freight on the Mississippi 
 Biver, differ from Noah's Ark % 
 
 208. 
 In what order did Noah leave the Ark ? 
 
 209. 
 What is Majesty deprived of its externals % 
 
 210. 
 
 Dreaming of apples on a wall, 
 
 And dreaming often, dear, 
 I dreamed that if I counted all, 
 
 How many would appear ? 
 
 211. 
 
 What is most like a bee in May ? 
 
 " Well, let me think: perhaps — " you say ; 
 
 Bravo ! you're guessing well to-day. 
 
 212. 
 
 Three sisters at breakfast were feeding the cat; 
 The first gave it sole: Puss was grateful for that; 
 The next gave it salmon, which Puss thought a treat; 
 The third gave it herring, which Puss wouldn't eat. 
 
 (Explain the conduct of the cat.) 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 45 
 
 213. 
 
 John went out ; his dog went with him $ he went not 
 before, behind, or on one side of him $ then where did 
 he go ? 
 
 214. 
 
 If spectacles could speak to their wearers, what 
 ancient writer would they name ? 
 
 215. 
 
 Part of a foot with judgment transpose, 
 
 And the answer you'll find just under your nose. 
 
 216. 
 
 A feeling all persons detest, 
 
 Although nearly by every one felt ; 
 
 By two letters fully expressed, 
 By twice two invariably spelt. 
 
 217. 
 My First implies equality ; my Second is the title 
 of a foreign nobleman ; and my Whole is asked and 
 given a hundred times a day with equal in difference; 
 yet is of so much importance that it has saved the 
 lives of thousands. 
 
 POSITIVES AND COMPARATIVES. 
 218. 
 
 Where runs the land far out into the sea, 
 The children shout and frolic in their glee. 
 
 219. 
 
 Among the singers half a score were found, 
 But not a voice so sweet as his in sound. 
 
 220. 
 
 He vowed he never would forgive, 
 Though twice two years and more he lived. 
 
 221. 
 
 The noble tree spread out its mighty arms, 
 Above the house bedecked in painted charms. 
 3* 
 
46 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 222. 
 
 He planted there his wheat and corn, 
 WJiile birds flew high in early morn. 
 
 223. 
 
 He paid the lawyer when the suit was won, 
 Glad that his dread of sad defeat was done. 
 
 224. 
 
 The timid creature wildly looking 'round, 
 Shrinks back in deadly terror from the sound. 
 
 225. 
 
 He vowed to prosecute, because 
 A neighboring drain unsavory was. 
 
 How would the Teuton manage to exist, 
 If this enchanting beverage he missed ? 
 
 227. 
 
 How delightful 'twould be to recline at your ease, 
 And list to the harp, with its rare melodies ! 
 
 228. 
 
 A gay young man, without ideas, 
 
 Oft wearies where he fain would please. 
 
 229. 
 
 Famed more for genius than good looks ; 
 I went there to procure her books. 
 
 230. 
 
 The broad expanse, denied his waking sight, 
 He saw in visions both by day and night. 
 
 231. 
 
 It brought the miser to his grave ; 
 Even his strong box could not save. 
 
 232. 
 
 1. Because he will not work for one, 
 2. The other he will be. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 47 
 
 233. 
 
 1. The ship came gaily sailing in ; 
 2. Now who so strong as he ? 
 
 234. 
 
 1. If hungry, you may have it all ; 
 2. A funeral pile, you see ; 
 
 235. 
 
 1. Drive home your ball, and come and eat 
 2. The cakes prepared for tea. 
 
 236. 
 
 1. While the poet sang his ; ' Farewell, thou sweet river !" 
 
 2. It roamed in forests near, as wild and free as ever. 
 
 237. 
 
 1. Add sugar, more sugar ! His grimaces see ! 
 
 2. Swift rider, bold robber, fierce savage is he. 
 
 238. 
 
 1. Hand the beverage 'round, adding cream as you go, 
 
 2. From the uppermost, down to the lowermost, row. 
 
 POSITIVES, COMPARATIVES, SUPERLATIVES. 
 239. 
 Pos., A pronoun; Com., A period of time; Sup.. 
 Fermenting froth. 
 
 240. 
 Pos., A knot of ribbon; Com., An animal; Sup.. 
 Self-praise. 
 
 241. 
 
 Pos., A reward; Com., Dread ; Sup., A festival. 
 
 242. 
 Pos., To reward ; Com., A fruit ; Sup., An adhesive 
 mixture. 
 
 243. 
 Pos., A meadow; Com., An unfortunate king; Su 
 The smallest. 
 
48 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 244. 
 
 'Pos., In a regular line ; 
 Com., With an appetite fine ; 
 Sup., 'Twill be done when we dine. 
 
 245. 
 
 Pos., Busy, noisy, and cheerful. 
 
 Com., The thought of it saddening and tearful ; 
 
 Sup., Its roar and its fierce claws are fearful. 
 
 246. 
 
 Pos., The end of all time ; 
 Com., Judge of music and rhyme ; 
 Sup., The Orient clime. 
 
 247. 
 
 Pos., Denotes a bond or tie; 
 
 Com., In the centre it doth lie ; 
 
 Sup., The billows break on it and die. 
 
 248. 
 Pos., An American genius ; Com., To turn out or to 
 flow ; Sup., An office, an express, a place, a piece of 
 
 timber. 
 
 249. 
 
 Pos., To depart ; Com., To wound ; Sup., A visible 
 
 spirit. 
 
 250. 
 
 Pos., Pleasant, dreary, wet or dry ; 
 Com., If 'tis light or heavy, try, 
 
 On your scales, before you buy ; 
 Sup., Don't spend money foolishly ! 
 
 _ 251. 
 
 A gentleman who had sent to a certain city for a car- 
 load of fuel, wrote thus to his nephew residing there : 
 " Dear Nephew 
 
 Uncle John." 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 49 
 
 Presently he received the following reply : 
 " Dear Uncle 
 
 James." 
 252. 
 Why is a man up stairs, stealing, like a perfectly 
 honorable man? 
 
 253. 
 Why is a ship twice as profitable as a hen f 
 
 254. 
 
 Why can you preserve fruit better by canning it, 
 than in any other way 1 
 
 255. 
 
 Twelve kinds of things in fact, not fiction, 
 Behind a veil of contradiction. 
 
 All dressed in silk, with stately grace, 
 
 "We stand with ready ears, 
 And yet the sounds that greet the place 
 
 Not one among us hears. 1 
 We're keen and quick our holes to find 
 
 And run in lively mood, 
 And yet we're footless quite and blind, 
 
 Although our eyes are good. 2 
 Our perfect heads can't give us sense, 
 
 Though we are naught without them ; 3 
 Our useful tongues are mere pretense — 
 
 No talk or taste about them. 4 
 Our locks though fine can ne'er be combed ; 5 
 
 Our teeth can never bite ; 6 
 Our mouths from out our heads have roamed, 
 
 And oft outgrow them quite. 7 
 Our hearts no pity have, or joy, 
 
 Yet they're our richest worth ; 8 
 Our hands ne'er waved at girl or boy, 
 
 Or anything on earth. 9 
 
50 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Alive are we, yet buried quite ; 
 
 Our trust is in our eyes ; 
 They help us out through darkest night, 
 
 Though sight stern fate denies. 10 
 We sally forth when day is done, 
 
 And set the owls a-hooting, 
 And, though we have no bow or gun, 
 
 "We often go a-shooting. 1 1 
 Our souls, alas ! are dull and low, 
 
 Down-trodden, from the start; 
 Yet who shall say, in weal or wo, 
 
 They're not our better part V 2 
 
 256. 
 
 Within this world a creature once did dwell, 
 As sacred writings unto us do tell, 
 Who never shall be doomed to Satan's home, 
 Nor unto G-od's celestial Kingdom come ; 
 Yet in him was a soul that either must 
 Suffer in Hell, or reign among the just. 
 
 257. 
 What best describes, and most impedes, a pilgrim's 
 progress % 
 
 258. 
 Why is a girl not a noun % 
 
 259. 
 What part of their infant tuition have old maids 
 and old bachelors most profited by % 
 
 260. 
 What is that which never asks any questions, and 
 yet requires many answers % 
 
 261. 
 What quadrupeds are admitted to balls, operas, and 
 dinner-parties % 
 
 262. 
 If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what 
 would he want ? 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 51 
 
 263. 
 
 When does truth cease to be truth u ? 
 
 264. 
 How many dog-stars are there ? 
 
 265. 
 What is worse than raining cats and dogs f 
 
 266. 
 Why is O the only vowel that can be heard ? 
 
 267. 
 Why is a man that has no children invisible ? 
 
 268. 
 What is it which has a mouth, and never speaks ; a 
 bed, and never sleeps ? 
 
 269. 
 Which burns longer, a wax or sperm candle ? 
 
 270. 
 Why is a watch like an extremely modest person ! 
 
 271. 
 
 Lord Macatjlat's Last Riddle. 
 Let us look at it quite closely, 
 
 'Tis a very ugly word, 
 And one that makes me shudder 
 
 Whenever it is heard. 
 It mayn't be very wicked ; 
 
 It must be always bad, 
 And speaks of sin and suffering- 
 Enough to make one mad. 
 They say it is a compound word, 
 
 And that is very true ; 
 And, when they decompose it, 
 
 (Which, of course, they're free to do) — 
 If, of the letters they take off 
 
 And sever the first three, 
 
52 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 They leave the nine remaining 
 
 As sad as they can be : 
 For, though it seems to make it less, 
 
 In fact it makes it more, 
 For it takes the brute creation in, 
 
 Which it left out before. 
 Let's try if we can mend it — 
 
 It's possible we may, 
 If only we divide it 
 
 In some new-fashioned way, 
 Instead of three and nine, then, 
 
 Let's make it four and eight ; 
 You'll say it makes no difference, 
 
 At least not very great: 
 But only see the consequence ! 
 
 That's all that needs be done 
 To change this mass of sadness 
 
 To iinmitigated fun. 
 It clears off swords and pistols, 
 
 Revolvers, bowie-knives, 
 And all the horrid weapons 
 
 By which men lose their lives ; 
 It wakens holier feelings — 
 And how joyfully is heard 
 
 The native sound of gladness 
 Compressed into one word ! 
 Yes ! four and eight, my friends ! 
 
 Let that be yours and mine, 
 Though all the hosts of demons 
 
 Rejoice in three and nine. 
 
 272. 
 
 A word by grammarians used in our tongue, 
 Of such a construction is seen, 
 
 That if, from five syllables one is removed, 
 No syllable then will remain. 
 
 273. 
 
 Formed long ago, yet made to-day, 
 I'm most in use when others sleep 
 
 "What few would like to give away, 
 And none would like to keep. 
 
 I 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 53 
 
 274. 
 
 A lady was asked " What is Josh Billings' real 
 name ? What do you think of his writings V How 
 did she answer both questions by one word % 
 
 275. 
 Why is Mr. Jones 7 stock-farm, carried on by his 
 boys, like the focus of a burning-glass ? 
 
 A m - 
 
 n by <. The name of a book, and of its author. 
 
 277. 
 What word in the English language contains the 
 six vowels in alphabetical order I 
 
 278. 
 If the parlor fire needs replenishing, what hero of 
 history could you name in ordering a servant to at- 
 tend to it ? 
 
 27°. 
 My First is an insect, my Second a quadruped, 
 and my Whole has no real existence. 
 
 280. 
 If the roof of the Tower of London should blow off, 
 what two names in English history would the upper- 
 most rooms cry out ? 
 
 281. 
 My First. 
 In the glance of the sun, when the wild birds sing, 
 I start in my beauty to gladden the spring ; 
 I weep at the morning marriage, and smile 
 On the evening tomb, though I die the while. 
 
 My Second. 
 I wander ; I sin ; though a breath may make 
 All my frame an effeminate nature take, 
 And a manly dignity that, as well, 
 Can of mastery and lordship tell. 
 
54 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 My Whole. 
 I have startled the world to jeering and mirth, 
 Since that, earthly, I dared to withdraw from the earth ; 
 But I stay, though cut off in my prime, far more 
 Enlivening and life-full than ever before. 
 
 282. 
 
 One hundred and one by fifty divide, 
 
 Then, if you add naught to the right or left side, 
 
 The result will be one out of nine — have you tried ? 
 
 283. 
 I am composed of five letters. As I stand, I am a 
 river in Virginia, and a fraud. Beheaded, I am one 
 of the sources of light and growth. Beheaded again, 
 I sustain life ; again, and I am a preposition. Omit 
 my third, and I am a domestic animal in French, and 
 the delight of social intercourse in English. Trans- 
 pose my first four, and I become what may attack 
 your head, if it is a weak one, in your efforts to find 
 me out. 
 
 284. 
 
 Unto a certain numeral one letter join — sad fate ! 
 What first was solitary, you now annihilate. 
 
 285. 
 
 My First was heard to " hurtle in the sky, 
 When foes in conflict met in olden time ; 
 
 My Second none can yield without a sigh, 
 Though it has oft been forfeited by crime ; 
 
 My Whole, its ancient uses gone, is found 
 
 On sunny uplands, or in forest ground. 
 
 286. 
 
 Can you tell me why 
 A hypocrite's eye 
 Can better descry 
 Than you can, or I, 
 Upon how many toes 
 A pussy-cat goes ? 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 55 
 
 287. 
 
 "Walked on earth, 
 Talked on earth, 
 
 Boldly rebuked sin ; 
 Never in Heaven, 
 Never in Hell, 
 
 Never can enter in. 
 
 288. 
 There is a certain natural production that is neither 
 animal, vegetable, Dor mineral : it exists from two to 
 six feet from the surface of the earth ; it has neither 
 length, breadth, nor substance; is neither male nor 
 female, though it is found between both ; it is often 
 mentioned in the Old Testament, and strongly recom- 
 mended in the New ; and it answers equally the pur- 
 poses of fidelity and treachery. 
 
 289. 
 
 We are little airy creatures, 
 
 All of different voice and features : 
 
 One of us in glass is set ; 
 
 One of us is found in jet ; 
 
 One of us is set in tin ; 
 
 One a lump of gold within : 
 
 If the last you should pursue, 
 
 It can never fly from you. 
 
 290. 
 
 My First is a point, my Second a span ; 
 
 In my Whole often ends the greatness of man. 
 
 291. 
 
 Wherever English land 
 
 Touches the pebbly shore, 
 My First lies on the sand, 
 
 Changing forevermore. 
 My Second oft, I'm told, 
 
 State secrets will hold fast, 
 But, to a key of gold 
 
 'Tis known to yield at last. 
 
56 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Pond mother, tender wife, 
 
 With agonizing soul, — 
 The exile, sick of life, — 
 
 Have looked and sighed my Whole. 
 
 292. 
 
 I begin with a thousand, I end with a hundred ; 
 
 My middle's a thousand again ; 
 The third of all vowels, the ninth of all letters, 
 
 Take their place in the rest of the train : 
 My Whole is a thing you never should do, — 
 At least, you don't like it, if tried upon you ! 
 
 293. 
 
 A word which always speaks of shame 
 I pray you, reader, now to name : 
 Eleven parts my whole contains, 
 To guess them you must take some pains. 
 
 Three groups there be which stand related ; 
 The first with many a word is mated : 
 The second speaks of favor rare ; 
 The third of plenty everywhere. 
 
 Cut off the first ; and shameful grows 
 As fair as any garden rose ; 
 Cut off the last, and lo ! 'tis plain, 
 The word is full of shame again. 
 
 294. 
 The eldest of four brothers did a sound business ; 
 the second, a smashing business; the third, a light 
 business ; and the youngest, the most wicked business. 
 What were they ? 
 
 295. 
 
 Cut off my head, and singular I am, 
 
 Cut off my tail, and plural I appear ; 
 Cut off both head and tail, wondrous fact ! 
 
 My middle part remains, though naught is there. 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 57 
 
 What is my head cut off ? A sounding sea. 
 
 What is my tail cut off ? A roaring river. 
 Far in the ocean's depths I fearless play ; 
 
 Giver of sweetest sounds, yet mute forever. 
 
 296. 
 
 I'm a creature most active, most useful, most known, 
 Of the thousands who daily perambulate town. 
 Take from me one letter, and still you will see 
 I'm the same as I was ; just the same, to a T. 
 Take two letters from me, take three, or take four, 
 And still I remain just the same as before : 
 Indeed I may tell you, although you take all 
 You cannot destroy me, or change me at all. 
 
 297. 
 
 My First is up at break of day, 
 
 And makes a welcome voice heard, 
 And goes to bed in twilight gray, 
 
 Though neither child nor song-bird. 
 
 My Second's known to tongue and pen ; 
 
 Is fast to all the church walls, 
 Is always seen in nurseries, 
 
 And often when the snow falls. 
 
 In green and yellow always dight, 
 
 Though melancholy never, 
 My Whole shines bright with golden light, 
 
 And emerald, forever. 
 
 298. 
 
 To fifty add nothing, then five, 
 
 Then add the first part of eighteen ; 
 
 A desert would life be without it, 
 But with it, a garden, I ween. 
 
 299. 
 What tree bears the most fruit for the Boston 
 market ? 
 
 300. 
 Why is the end of a dog's tail, like the heart of a 
 tree? 
 
58 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 301. 
 
 Why is a fish-monger not likely to be generous 1 
 
 302. 
 
 Take away my first five, and I am a tree. Take 
 away my last five, and I am a vegetable. Without 
 my last three, I am an ornament. Cut off my first 
 and my last three, and I am a titled gentleman. 
 From his name cut off the last letter, and an organ 
 of sense will remain. Eemove from this the last, and 
 two parts of your head will be left. 
 
 Divide me into halves, and you find a fruit and an 
 instrument of correction. Entire, I can be obtained of 
 any druggist. 
 
 303. 
 
 Why was Elizabeth of England a more marvelous 
 sovereign than Napoleon % 
 
 304. 
 
 A Square-of-E very-Word Puzzle. 
 
 I. 
 
 The desert-king, c 
 
 Whose presence will 
 Each living thing 
 
 With terror fill. 
 
 II. 
 
 Of this word 'tis the mission 
 To be a preposition, 
 Giving you a notion 
 Of onward, inward, motion. 
 
 III. 
 
 This charm to blend, 
 
 The myriad roses of Cashmere you ask 
 
 Their subtle essences to one small flask 
 
 Freely to lend. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 59 
 
 IV. 
 
 The middy, to his labor trained, 
 
 The sun by sextant viewed ; 
 And said that Phoebus had attained 
 
 His greatest altitude. 
 
 305. 
 A prophet exists, whose generation was before Adam ; 
 who was with Noah in the Ark, and was present at 
 the trial of our Lord. The only sermon he preached, 
 was so convincing as to bring tears to the eyes and 
 repentance to the heart of a sinner. He neither lies 
 in a bed nor sits in a chair; his clothing is neither 
 dyed, spun nor woven, but is of finest texture and 
 most brilliant hue. His warning cry ought to call all 
 sluggards from their slumbers : he utters it in every 
 land and every age; and yet he is not the Wandering 
 Jew. 
 
 306. 
 
 I have. but six letters; I'm little, you see; 
 
 Yet millions of people have wondered at me ; 
 
 My 2, 6, 5, 1, you possess, and yet seek; 
 
 My 6, 4, 1, renders the strongest man weak ; 
 
 My 5, 3, 2, 1, is both pronoun and noun, 
 
 And my 5, 1, 2, often have builded a town; 
 
 To my 3, 5, 6, 4, 1, men sometimes have prayed, 
 
 And my 4, 6, 5, 1 , through most forests have strayed ; 
 
 My 6, 3, 5, has been to mystify' j^ou, 
 
 And devout men oft utter my 6, 5, 1, 2. 
 
 307. 
 (Fill the blanks with the names of British Authors.) 
 
 A upon the shore was seen, 
 
 I looked again, and it no was seen. 
 
 308. 
 
 A — — who of riches had great store, 
 Was fain to keep a upon his door. 
 
60 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 309. 
 
 A trod the desert, and , 
 
 And, slow but sure of made good his way. 
 
 310. 
 
 I see with every man a thing 
 
 No man on earth hath ever seen ; 
 Yet calm reflection still would bring 
 
 It face to face with him, I ween ; 
 'Twould be before him plain as day, 
 
 Yet not be what he saw, I say. 
 
 311. 
 
 1. I have wings and I fly, though I'm not called a bird ; 
 
 2. I am part of a hundred, e'en more than a third ; 
 
 3. I am " A No. 1 " with the most of mankind ; 
 
 4. In France and in Germany me you will find ; 
 
 5. My Fifth in your hand you may frequently see ; 
 
 6. And my Whole it is dreary and wretched to be. 
 
 312. 
 
 Blanks to be filled with the names of noted authors. 
 
 A little child, , , and full of grace, 
 
 Threw back her and showed her smiling face; 
 
 Meek as the she by a ribbon led, 
 
 As o'er the in the dawn she sped ; 
 
 Fleet as the when to the the 
 
 Called, and the sportsman not at morn ; 
 
 Against her more than paltry gold, 
 
 I could not my heart, however cold. 
 
 313. 
 
 You need not my inquiring friend, 
 
 If. asking me if I am on the mend, 
 
 You find me still in no frame ; 
 
 Upon an lay all the blame ; 
 
 And though it may not seem to mope, 
 
 I could not my pain to please the . 
 
 314. 
 Than myself in my normal condition , nothing could 
 be lighter or more airy. I am composed of six letters 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 61 
 
 and four syllables. Deprived of iny first two and 
 transposed, I am the haimt of wild beasts ; trans- 
 posed, I am a human being more dangerous than a 
 wild beast ; transposed again, I am part of a fence ; 
 robbed of my last letter, and again transposed, I am a 
 melody ; or I am that noun without which there would 
 be no such adjective as my Whole. 
 
 315. 
 
 CHRISTMAS DIMES. 
 The first course consisted of a linden tree, and some 
 poles. The second, of a red-hot bar of iron, a country 
 in Asia, and an ornament worn by Soman ladies, ac- 
 companied by a vegetable carefully prepared as fol- 
 lows : one-sixth of a carrot, one-fourth of a bean, one- 
 half of a leaf of lettuce, and one-third of a cherry. 
 For dessert, a pudding made of the interment of a 
 tailor's implement ; some points of time, and small 
 cannon-shot from Hamburg. 
 
 316. 
 
 My First can be a useful slave, 
 
 Obedient to your will ; 
 Tet let him once the master be, 
 
 He'll ruin, rage, and kill. 
 To do my Second through the air, , 
 
 Oft men have tried in vain, 
 Yet, if you look, you'll find it there, 
 
 Upon your window-pane. 
 My Whole on summer nights is seen 
 A fairy lamp to light the green. 
 
 317. 
 
 Seen more by day ; heard more by night : 
 I help the old to better sight ; 
 Chameleon-like, my food is air; 
 And dust to me is dainty fare. 
 4 
 
62 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 nuts to ceace:. 
 
 318. 
 
 What . nuts were essential to the safety of ancient 
 cities ? 
 
 319. 
 What nut is a garden vegetable? 
 
 320. 
 Whau nut is a dairy product ? 
 
 321. 
 What nut is dear to bathers % 
 
 322. 
 What nut is used to store away things in % 
 
 323. 
 What nut is a breakfast beverage ? 
 
 POE AMATEUE GAEDEKEES. 
 324. 
 Plant the early dawn, and what flower will appear 1 
 
 325. 
 What spring flowers are found in the track of an 
 avalanche ? 
 
 326. 
 
 What early vegetable most resembles a pain in the 
 back? 
 
 327. 
 
 What flower is most cultivated by bad-tempered 
 
 persons ? 
 
 328. 
 
 If a dandy be planted, what tree will come up 1 
 
 329. 
 Why is a gardener a most fortunate antiquary ? 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 63 
 
 330. 
 What herbs will spoil your brood of chickens 1 
 
 331. 
 
 Man cannot live without my First ; 
 
 By day and night 'tis used, 
 My Second, though disliked by all, 
 
 By none can he refused. 
 My Whole is never seen by day, 
 
 Nor ever seen by night ; 
 Yet shows hi eyes suffused with tears, 
 
 In faces wan and white. 
 
 332. 
 
 First. 
 Something we too early sigh for ; 
 What, through lif e, too hard we try for ; 
 What, alas ! too many die for. 
 
 Second. 
 Upon my Second, in a boat, 
 We lightly toss or idly float ; 
 Or bathe within its wavelets clear, — 
 (The word to Tennyson is dear.) 
 
 The Whole. 
 A lovely vale well known to fame, 
 Of which a fabric bears the name, 
 Well worthy of the proudest dame. 
 
 333. 
 
 My Second went to the side of my First, 
 
 And stayed through the Whole for the air ; 
 
 There were croquet and singing 
 
 And bathing and swinging, 
 
 And chatting with maidens so fair. 
 
 334. 
 
 Two heads I have, and when my voice 
 
 Is heard afar like thunder, 
 The lads and maids arrested stand, 
 
 And watch and wait with wonder. 
 
64 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Quite promptly I'm obeyed, and yet 
 
 'Tis only fair to say 
 My master bangs me right and left, 
 
 And him I must obey. 
 
 335. 
 I am useful on a farm, and on shipboard. Trans- 
 pose me and I am not out of place on your tables, 
 though I am most at home on the other side of the 
 world. Change me to my original form, and remove 
 my middle, and I become a part of your face. 
 
 POSITIVES AHD OOMPAEATIVES. 
 336. 
 
 He brings his bill for service done 
 And straightway mounts his steed. 
 
 337. 
 
 The little rascal plays his pranks, 
 Then runs away with speed. 
 
 338. 
 
 Now see the youth with nimble tread 
 As step by step he mounts ! 
 
 339. 
 
 How well the story he'll relate ! 
 How rapidly he counts ! 
 
 340. 
 
 Then give me but my Arab steed, 
 And well I'll shave his head. 
 
 341. 
 
 Oh ! what a horrid, noisy bell ! 
 The noontide meal is spread. 
 
 342. 
 
 It was myself — mistake me not — 
 Whose wrath was kindled at the thought. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 65 
 
 343. 
 
 The sombre tree grew at the foot of the mountain : 
 Just where the pitcher we filled at the fountain. 
 
 344. 
 
 The debts he's contracted to you and to me, 
 By the silver that's in it, will canceled be. 
 
 345. 
 
 Beside the brook one summer day 
 
 When Nature all was merry, 
 I saw a gypsy maiden stray, 
 
 As brown as any berry. 
 She, with the limpid waters quenched her thirst, 
 And picked a simple salad of my First. 
 
 The woodbine and the eglantine, 
 
 The clematis and mallow, 
 Delight to twine and interwine 
 
 Beside that streamlet shallow; 
 And, kissed by sunlight, and caressed by dews, 
 My Second in the ambient air diffuse. 
 
 The sun went down ; the twilight fell ; 
 
 Out shone the stars unnumbered ; 
 Each flowret closed its honeyed cell, 
 
 And Nature softly slumbered. 
 While, pale and cold, across the heavens stole 
 In modest, maiden majesty, my Whole. 
 
 346. 
 The following puzzle was first published in 1628, 
 and was reprinted in Honds Every-Day Book for 1826 : 
 
 A vessel sailed from a port in the Mediterranean, 
 with thirty passengers, consisting of fifteen Jews and 
 fifteen Christians. During the voyage a heavy storm 
 arose, and it was found necessary to throw overboard 
 one-half the passengers, in order to lighten the ship. 
 After consultation, they agreed to a proposal from the 
 
66 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 captain, that lie should place them all in a circle, and 
 throw overboard every ninth man until only fifteen 
 should be left. The treacherous wretch then arranged 
 them in such a way, that all the Jews were thrown 
 overboard, and all the Christians saved. In what 
 order were they placed % 
 
 347. 
 
 p oi M p 01 
 
 P 1 POL P°L 
 
 ST 
 
 348. 
 A man building a barn, wished to place in it a win- 
 dow 3 ft. high by 3 ft. wide. But, finding there was 
 not room enough, he had it made half the size in- 
 tended, without altering height or width. 
 
 349. 
 
 Persian Reddle. 
 Between a thickset hedge of bones, 
 A small, red dog now barks, now moans. 
 
 350. 
 I contain only two syllables. My First implies 
 plurality ; my Second, sound health. My Whole is 
 the name of a profligate earl who was the third hus- 
 band of a queen noted alike for her beauty and her 
 misfortunes. He died insane and in exile ; and the 
 beautiful queen, after being queen consort in one 
 country, and reigning sovereign in another, spent 
 nineteen years in captivity, and was finally beheaded 
 on the 8th of January, 1587. 
 
 351. 
 A celebrated line from Shakespeare. 
 
 KINL 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 67 
 
 352. 
 
 The blacksmith with hammer of musical 
 
 Forges a chain of a ponderous 
 
 His hands are brawny and black as 
 
 But he loves his work as well 
 
 As his neighbor goldsmith at ease in a 
 
 Twisting line gold to the size of a 
 
 And weaving a trifle light as 
 
 For the delicate ear of a belle. 
 
 353. 
 TKAtfSMUTATICWS. 
 
 1. A letter made crazy by being placed in order. 
 
 2. A letter becomes an island when surrounded by 
 a belt. 
 
 3. A letter is pleased when set on fire. 
 
 4. A letter falls in love when it is beaten. 
 
 5. A letter is hated when it is examined. 
 
 6. A letter becomes a sailor when it leaves the 
 house. 
 
 7. A letter is filled with crystals when it becomes a 
 creditor. 
 
 8. A letter becomes musical when it is made thick. 
 
 9. A letter changes its shape when empty. 
 
 10. A letter is seen when it is spotted. 
 
 11. Another is seen when taken in hand. 
 
 12. When a letter is perforated it draws near the 
 ocean. 
 
 13. It costs money for a letter to be thoughtful. 
 
 14. A letter is always slandered when it becomes 
 noted. 
 
 What letters are they % 
 
 354. 
 
 My First a liquid path is made 
 By something used in foreign trade. 
 My Second pours from out his throat 
 To weary ones a welcome note, 
 
68 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Coming, a sure and pleasant token 
 That winter's icy chain is broken. 
 My "Whole I've found in purple bloom, 
 Or clothed in white 'mid forest gloom, 
 Leaves, petals, sepals, all in threes — 
 A triple triplet, if you please. 
 
 355. 
 
 On muster-day the boys were 
 
 Each nerve to show a splendid 
 
 "When suddenly the cry, 'Tis ' 
 
 Proclaims ill luck begun ; 
 
 Prom fine cockades the beauty 
 
 Adown their uniforms are 
 
 The streams that spoil their fun. 
 Crestfallen, homeward they are — — 
 When lo ! a bright bow over 
 
 Tells that the rain is done. 
 
 356. 
 
 Brilliant with white and golden light 
 
 I blossom in the shade ; 
 Emblem of purity and truth, 
 
 Though of two falsehoods made. 
 
 357. 
 
 The egotist my First employs 
 
 To consummate his bliss, 
 The school-boy finds it in a noise, 
 
 The lover in a kiss. 
 When on the field, in dread array, 
 Opposing legions wait the fray, 
 When trumpets sound and banners wave, 
 The watchword " Victory or the Grave 
 Where'er my Second may be found, 
 The bravest knights will there abound. 
 What though my Third the soldier spurns 
 
 With undisguised disdain, 
 To it the farmer gladly turns 
 
 To cultivate the plain. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 69 
 
 My "Whole a gallant warrior's name, 
 
 The idol of the fair ; 
 A wizard celebrates his fame — 
 
 You'll find my subject there. 
 
 358. 
 
 A Utile word of syllables three, 
 Holds in its heart a mystery. 
 
 I walk, the earth ; I climb the sky ; 
 Pull fierce below, serene on high ; 
 I lead the field, I lead the fold, 
 I call to mind the fleece of gold. 
 
 Four times ten centuries ago, 
 
 "When Abraham's shepherds watched by night, 
 Their flocks upon the fields below, 
 
 Above, the stars' mysterious light, 
 The heavenly host all f ollowed one 
 
 "Whose name proclaimed his mission high, 
 He " went before and led the way," 
 
 "We joined his train submissively. 
 
 At length, as centuries rolled on, 
 His leadership and prestige gone, 
 In turn /led the flocks on high, — 
 As on the earth, so in the sky, 
 
 "When many centuries again 
 
 Had joined the eternal past, 
 I found the fate of all create 
 
 "Was mine — was mine — at last ! 
 And while, my ancient honors lost, 
 
 I yield to my changed destiny, 
 Another chief the starry host 
 
 In stately march precedes on high. 
 
 (To make the enigma more complete, 
 
 If to this word of syllables three, 
 A personal pronoun be prefixed, 
 
 The three reduced to two you'll see : 
 
 4* 
 
70 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 And this new word will just express 
 
 "What everything earthly does in time, 
 Life's bitter sooner than its sweets, — 
 
 So end the riddle and the rhyme.) 
 
 359. 
 What kind of paper is most like a sneeze % 
 
 360. 
 Why did Edward Everett like to write his own 
 Lame? 
 
 361. 
 
 Why would not the same name be a good exercise 
 in writing % 
 
 362. 
 
 A farmer had ten apple trees to plant. He desired 
 to place them in five rows, having four in each row. 
 This he succeeded in doing. How ? 
 
 363. 
 Quotation from Shakespeare : 
 
 M 
 A 
 
 & L 
 
 I 
 
 O 
 
 (o) 
 
 E. 
 
 364. 
 One little boy said to another : " I have an own and 
 only sis'ter, but she has no brother." How was that f 
 
 365. 
 
 If stately Edith give her 
 
 To Reginald, 'twill end my 
 
 For it transcends my utmost 
 
 To make a hero of a 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 7L 
 
 366. 
 
 On grassy upland chirps the 
 
 Sad in the valley roams the 
 
 Thinking of bright hours too soon 
 
 Humming in misery " Non e " 
 
 He thinks not of the west so brightly 
 
 Nor listens to the faint and distant 
 
 But dreams of the false fair to whom is 
 
 The wo which never, never, will take . 
 
 367. 
 Convert the following into a couplet, perfect in 
 rhyme and rhythm, without adding or omitting a 
 single letter : 
 
 " Deborah, Deborah ! wo unto thee 
 For thou art as deaf as a post." 
 
 . 368. 
 One and the same word of two syllables, answers 
 each of the following triplets : 
 
 I. My First springs in the mountains ; 
 
 My Second springs out of the mountains ; 
 
 My Whole comes with a spring over the mountains. 
 
 II. My First runs up the trees ; 
 My Second runs past the trees ; 
 My "Whole spreads over the trees. 
 
 III. My First runs on two feet : 
 My Second runs without feet ; 
 My Whole just glides away. 
 
 IY. To catch my First, men march after it ; 
 To capture my Second, they march over it ; 
 To possess my Whole, they go through a march before it. 
 
 369. 
 
 Said the Moon to the Sun : 
 " Is the daylight begun ?" 
 Said the Sun to the Moon : 
 " Not a moment too soon. 
 
72 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 You're a full Moon," said he ; 
 
 She replied, with a frown, 
 " "Well ! I never did see 
 
 So uncivil a clown !" 
 
 Query : Why was the Moon so angry V 
 
 370. 
 
 It is as high as all the stars, 
 No well was ever sunk so low ; 
 
 It is in age five thousand years, 
 It was not born an hour ago. 
 
 It is as wet as water is ; 
 
 No red-hot iron e'er was drier ; 
 As dark as night, as cold as ice, 
 
 Shines like the sun, and burns like fire. 
 
 No soul, nor body to consume — 
 
 No fox more cunning, dunce more dull ; 
 
 'Tis not on earth, 'tis in this room, 
 Hard as a stone, and soft as wool. 
 
 'Tis of no color, but of snow, 
 Outside and inside black as ink ; 
 
 All red, all yellow, green and blue — 
 This moment you upon it think. 
 
 In every noise, this strikes your ear, 
 'Twill soon expire, 'twill ne'er decay • 
 
 Does always in the light appear, 
 And yet was never seen by day. 
 
 Than the whole earth it larger is, 
 
 Yet, than a small pin's point, 'tis less ; 
 
 I'll tell you ten times what it is, 
 Yet after all, you shall not guess ! 
 
 'Tis in your mouth, 'twas never nigh — 
 "Where'er you look, you see it still ; 
 
 'Twill make you laugh, 'twill make you cry 
 You feel it plain, touch what you will. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 73 
 
 371. 
 
 My First, so faithful, fond and true, 
 "Will ne'er forsake or injure you ; 
 My Second, coming from the street 
 You often trample under feet ; 
 My Third you sleep on every night, 
 Serene and calm, without affright; 
 My Whole is what you should not be 
 When talking with your friends or me. 
 
 372. 
 My First is a little river in England that gave 
 name to a celebrated university ; my Second is al- 
 ways near $ my Third sounds like several large 
 bodies of water 5 and my Whole is the name of a 
 Persian monarch, the neighing of whose horse gave 
 him a kingdom and a crown. % 
 
 373. 
 
 A horse in the midst of a meadow suppose, 
 Made fast to a stake by a line from his nose ; 
 How long must this line be, that, feeding all 'round, 
 Permits Mm to graze just an acre of ground ? 
 
 374. 
 
 First, A house where man and beast 
 
 Find themselves at home ; 
 Second, Greatest have and least 
 
 Wheresoe'er you roam ; 
 Third, A pronoun, meaning many, 
 
 (You must add an L) ; 
 All, The manner of our meeting 
 
 When you ring my bell. 
 
74 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 375. 
 A DINNER PAETY. 
 
 THE GUESTS, 
 
 (Who are chiefly Anachronisms and other Incon- 
 gruities.) 
 
 The First : Escaped his foes by having his horse 
 shod backward. 
 
 Second : Surnanied, The Wizard of the North. 
 
 3d: Dissolved pearls in wine; Cl herself being dis- 
 solved in love. 77 
 
 4th : Was first tutor to Alexander the Great. 
 
 5th : Said " There are no longer Pyrenees." 
 
 6th : The Puritan Poet. 
 
 7th : The Locksmith King. 
 
 8th : The woman " who drank up her husband." 
 
 9th : The Architect of St. Peter's, Borne. 
 
 i Oth : The Miner King. 
 
 11th : Surnamed The King Maker. 
 
 12th : The woman who married the murderer of her 
 husband, and of her husband's father. 
 
 13th : The Architect of St. Paul's, London. 
 
 14th : The man who spoke fifty-eight languages ; 
 whom Byron called " a Walking Polyglot." 
 
 15th : A death-note, and a father's pride. 
 
 16th : The Bard of Ayrshire. 
 
 17th: The Knight "without fear, and without re- 
 proach." 
 
 18th: Eefused, because he dared not accept, the 
 crown of England. 
 
 19th: Whose vile maxim was "every man has his 
 own price." 
 
 20th: The king who had an emperor for his foot- 
 stool. 
 
 21st : The conqueror of the conqueror of Napoleon. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 75 
 
 22d : The inventor of gunpowder. 
 
 23d : The king who entered the enemy's camp, dis- 
 guised as a harper. 
 
 24th : The greatest English navigator of the eight- 
 eenth century. 
 
 25th : The inventor of the art of printing. 
 
 26th : Whom Napoleon called " the bravest of the 
 brave." 
 
 27th : Who first discovered that the earth is round. 
 
 28th : The diplomatic conqueror of Napoleon. 
 
 29th : The inventor of the reflecting telescope. 
 
 30th : The conqueror of Pharsalia. 
 
 31st : The inventor of the safety lamp. 
 
 32d : First introduced tobacco into England. 
 
 33d : Discovered the Antarctic Continent. 
 
 34th : The present poet laureate of England. 
 
 35th : His immediate predecessor. 
 
 36th : The first of the line. 
 
 37th : Surnamed " the Madman of the North." 
 
 38th: The young prince who carried a king captive 
 to England. 
 
 39th : First sailed around the world. 
 
 40th : Said " language was given us to enable us to 
 conceal our thoughts." 
 
 41st : The Father of History. 
 
 DISHES, KELISHES, DESSERT. 
 
 1 : Natural caskets of valuable gems. 
 
 2 : Material and immaterial. 
 
 3 : The possessive case of a pronoun and an orna- 
 ment. 
 
 4: A sign of the zodiac, (pluralized). 
 
 5 : One-third of Cesar's celebrated letter, and the 
 centre of the solar system. 
 
76 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 6 : Where Charles XII. went after the battle of Pul- 
 towa. 
 
 7 : Whose English namesake Pope called " the 
 brightest, wisest, meanest of mankind." 
 
 8 : A celebrated English essayist. 
 
 9 : Formerly a workman's implement. 
 
 10 : The ornamental part of the head. 
 11 : An island in Lake Ontario. 
 
 12 : Timber, and the herald of the morning. 
 13 : A share in a rocky pathway. 
 14 : The unruly member. 
 15 : The earth, and a useful article. 
 * 16 : An iron vessel, and eight ciphers. 
 
 17 : A letter placed before what sufferers long for. 
 
 18 : Like values, and odd ends. 
 
 19 : A preposition, a piece of furniture, and a vowel, 
 (pluralized). 
 
 20 : An insect, followed by a letter, (pluralized). 
 
 21 : The employment of some women, and the dread 
 of all. 
 
 22 : A kind of carriage, and a period of time. 
 
 23: A net for the head, an organ of sense, an 
 emblem of beauty. 
 
 24 : By adding two letters, you'll have an Eastern 
 conqueror. 
 
 25 : Five-sevenths of a name not wholly uncon- 
 nected with Bleak House and Borrioboola Gha. 
 
 26 : An underground room, and a vowel. 
 
 27 : Skill, part of a needle, and to suffocate, (plu- 
 ralized). 
 
 28: Antics. 
 
 29 : An intimation burdens. 
 
 30 : What if it should lose its savor % 
 
 31 : Where you live a contented life ; a hotel, and a 
 vowel. 
 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 77 
 
 32: The staff of life. 
 
 33 : Whafc England will never become. 
 
 34: Scourges. 
 
 35 : Eunning streams. 
 
 36 : A domestic fowl, and the fruit of shrubs. 
 
 37 : Married people. 
 
 38 : A Holland prince serene, (pluralized). 
 
 39 : To waste away, and Eve's temptation, (plural- 
 ized). 
 
 40 : Four-fifths of a month, and a dwelling, (plural- 
 ized). 
 
 41: Busybodies. 
 
 42 : What Jeremiah saw in a vision. 
 
 43 : Very old monkeys. 
 
 44 : Approach convulsions. 
 
 45 : Small blocks for holding bolts. 
 
 UKaUESSED EIDDLES. 
 
 As, on Louis Gay lord's Clarke's authority," no museum 
 is complete without the club that killed Captain Cook " 
 — he had seen it in six — so no collection of riddles can 
 be considered even presentable without the famous 
 enigma so often republished, and always with the 
 promise of " £50 reward for a solution." It was first 
 printed in the Qentlemenh Magazine, London, in March, 
 1757. 
 
 The compiler of this little book has no hope of win- 
 ning the prize, and leaves the lists open to her readers, 
 with a hope that some one of them may succeed in 
 " guessing " not only this, but the next riddle, of whose 
 true answer she has not the faintest idea. 
 
 The noblest object in the works of art; 
 The brightest scenes which Nature can impart ; 
 The well-known signal in the time of peace ; 
 The point essential in a tenant's lease ; 
 
78 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 The farmer's comfort as he drives the plough ; 
 
 A soldier's duty, and a lover's vow ; 
 
 A contract made before the nuptial tie ; 
 
 A blessing riches never can supply ; 
 
 A spot that adds new charms to pretty faces ; 
 
 An engine used in fundamental cases ; 
 
 A planet seen between the earth and sun ; 
 
 A prize that merit never yet has won ; 
 
 A loss which prudence seldom can retrieve ; 
 
 The death of Judas, and the fall of Eve ; 
 
 A part between the ancle and the knee ; 
 
 A Papist's toast, and a physician's fee ; 
 
 A wife's ambition, and a parson's dues ; 
 
 A miser's idol, and the badge of Jews. 
 
 If now, your happy genius can divine 
 
 The corresponding word in every line, 
 
 By the first letter plainly may be found 
 
 An ancient city that is much renowned. 
 
 The other unguessed, if not unguessable, riddle 
 claims to coine from Cambridge, and is as follows : 
 
 A Headless man had a letter to write ; 
 It was read by one who had lost his sight : 
 The Dumb repeated it, word for word ; 
 And he was Deaf who listened and heard. 
 
 (See Key.) 
 
 QUESTIONS NOT TO BE ANSWERED UNTIL TEE WOELD 
 IS WISEE. 
 
 Considering how useful the ocean is to mankind, are 
 poets justified in calling it " a waste of waters v % 
 
 How can we catch soft water when it is raining 
 hard ! 
 
 Where is the chair that " Yerbnm sat" in % 
 
 How does it happen that Fast days are always pro- 
 vokingly slow days ? 
 
 How is it that a storm looks heavy when it keeps 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 79 
 
 lightening % And the darker it grows, the more it 
 lightens ? 
 
 When it is said of a man that u he never forgets 
 himself," are we to understand that his conduct is 
 absolute perfection, or that it is the perfection of self- 
 ishness ? 
 
 PAKADOXES. 
 
 1st. Polus instructed Otesiphon in the art of plead- 
 ing. Teacher and pupil agreed that the tuition-fee 
 should he paid when the latter should win his first 
 case. Some time having gone by, and the young man 
 being still without case or client, Polus, in despair of 
 his fee, brought the matter before the Court, each 
 party pleading his own cause. Polus spoke first, as 
 follows : 
 
 " It is indifferent to me how the Court may decide 
 this case. For, if the decision be in my favor, I 
 recover my fee by virtue of the judgment ; but, if my 
 opponent wins the case, this being his first, I obtain 
 my fee according to the contract." 
 
 Ctesiphon, being called on for his defense, said : 
 
 "The decision of the Court is indifferent to me. 
 For, if in my favor, I am thereby released from my 
 debt to Polus. But, if I lose the case, the fee cannot 
 be demanded, according to our contract." 
 
 2d. A certain king once built a bridge, and de- 
 creed that all persons about to cross it, should be in 
 terrogated as to their destination. If they told the 
 truth they should be permitted to pass unharmed ; but, 
 if they answered falsely, they should be hanged on a 
 gallows erected at the centre of the bridge. One day 
 a man, about to cross, was asked the usual question, 
 and replied : 
 
80 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 " I am going to be hanged on that gallows F 
 Kow, if they hanged him, he had told the truth, and 
 ought to have escaped 5 but, if they did not hang him, 
 he had " answered falsely," and ought to have suffered 
 the penalty of the law. 
 

PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 83 
 
 PAITOY TITLES TOE EOOKS. 
 
 Furnished by Thomas Hood for a blind door in the Library at Chats- 
 worth, for his friend the Duke of Devonshire. 
 
 Percy Yere. In Forty Yolumes. 
 
 Dante's Inferno ; or Descriptions of Van Demon's 
 Land. 
 
 Ye Devyle on Two Styx : (black letter). 
 
 Lamb's Becollections of Suet. 
 
 Lamb on the Death of Wolfe, 
 
 Plurality of Livings : with Begard to the Common 
 Cat. 
 
 Boyle on Steam. 
 
 Blaine on Equestrian Burglary ; or the Breaking-in 
 of Horses. 
 
 John Knox on Death's Door. 
 
 Peel on Bell's System. 
 
 Life of Jack Ketch, with Cuts of his own Execution. 
 
 Cursory Bemarks upon Swearing. 
 
 Cook's Specimens of the Sandwich Tongue. 
 
 Becollections of Banister. By Lord Stair. 
 
 On the Affinity of the Death- Watch and Sheep-Tick. 
 
 Maltkus' Attacks of Infantry. 
 
 McAdam's Yiews of Ehodes. 
 
 The Life of Zimmermann. By Himself. 
 
 Pygmalion. By Lord Bacon. 
 
 Bules of Punctuation. By a Thoroughbred Pointer. 
 
 Chronological Account of the Date Tree. 
 
 Kosciusko on the Bight of the Poles to Stick up for 
 Themselves. 
 
 Prize Poems. In Blank Yerse. 
 
 Shelley's Conchology. 
 
 Chantry on the Sculpture of the Chipaway Indians. 
 
 The Scottish Boccaccio. By D. Cameron. 
 
 Hoyle on the Game Laws. 
 
 Johnson's Contradictkmary. 
 
84 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 When Hood and his family were living at Ostend 
 for economy's sake, and with the same motive Mrs. 
 Hood was doing her own work, as we phrase it, he 
 wrote to a friend in England : " Jane is becoming an 
 excellent cook and housemaid, and I intend to raise 
 her wages. She had nothing a week before, and now 
 I mean to double it." 
 
 It has been estimated that of all possible or impos- 
 sible ways of earning an honest livelihood, the most 
 arduous, and at the same time the way which would 
 secure the greatest good to the greatest number, 
 would be to go around, cold nights, and get into bed 
 for people ! To this might be added, going around 
 cold mornings and getting up for people 5 and, most 
 useful and most onerous of all, going around among 
 undecided people and making up their minds. 
 
 In these days of universal condensation — of condensed 
 milk, condensed meats, condensed news — perhaps no 
 achievement of that kind ought to surprise us ; but it 
 must be acknowledged that Thackeray's condensing 
 feat was the most extraordinary on record. To com- 
 press "The Sorrows of Werther" — that three volumed 
 novel : a book of size — and tears, full of pathos and 
 prettiness, of devotion and desperation — into four 
 stanzas that tell the whole story, was a triumph of 
 art which — which it is very possible Goethe would 
 admire less than we do. 
 
 Werther had a love for Charlotte 
 
 Such as words can never utter. 
 "Would you know how first he met her ? 
 
 She was cutting bread and butter. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 85 
 
 Charlotte was a married lady, 
 
 And a moral man was Werther, 
 And, for all the wealth of Indies, 
 
 Would do nothing for to hurt her. 
 
 So he sighed, and pined, and ogled, 
 
 And his passion boiled and bubbled, 
 Till he blew his silly brains out, 
 
 And no more was by it troubled. 
 
 Charlotte, when she saw his body 
 
 Borne before her on a shutter, 
 Like a well conducted person, 
 
 Went on cutting: bread and butter. 
 
 Theodore Hook was celebrated not more for his 
 marvelous readiness in rhyming than for the quality 
 of the rhymes themselves. In Ms hauds the English 
 language seemed to have no choice : plain prose 
 appeared impossible. Motley was the only wear ; fan- 
 tastic verse the only method of expression. No less 
 does he press into his service phrases from the lan- 
 guages, as in the curious verses which follow, in praise of 
 
 CLUBS. 
 
 If any man loves comfort and 
 
 Has little cash to buy it, he 
 Should get into a crowded club — 
 
 A most select society ! 
 
 While solitude and mutton cutlets 
 
 Serve infelix uxor, he 
 May have his club (like Hercules), 
 
 And revel there in luxury. 
 
 Here's first the Athenaeum club, 
 
 So wise, there's not a man of it 
 That has not sense enough for six; 
 
 (In fact, that is the plan of it). 
 5 
 
86 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 The very waiters answer you 
 With eloquence Socratical, 
 
 And always lay the knives and forks 
 In order mathematical. 
 
 The Union Club is quite superb ; 
 
 Its best apartment daily is 
 The lounge of lawyers, doctors, beaux, 
 
 Merchants, cum multis aliis. 
 
 The Travellers are in Pall Mall, 
 And smoke cigars so cozily, 
 
 And dream they climb the highest Alps, 
 Or rove the plains of Moselai. 
 
 These are the stages which all men 
 Propose to play their parts upon ; 
 
 For clubs are what the Londoners 
 Have clearly set their hearts upon. 
 
 OTHEE WOKLDS. 
 
 Mr. Mortimer Collins indulges in sundry very odd speculations concerning 
 
 them. 
 
 Other worlds ! Those planets evermore 
 
 In their golden orbits swiftly glide on ; 
 From quick Hermes by the solar shore, 
 
 To remote Poseidon. 
 
 Are they like this world ? The glory shed 
 Prom the ruddy dawn's unfading portals? 
 
 Does it fall on regions tenanted 
 By a race of mortals ? 
 
 Are there merry maidens, wicked-eyed, 
 Peeping slyly through the cottage lattice ? 
 
 Have they vintage bearing countries wide ? 
 Have they oyster patties ? 
 
 Does a mighty ocean roar and break 
 
 On dark rocks and sandy shores fantastic ? 
 
 Have they any Darwins there, to make 
 Theories elastic ? 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 87 
 
 Does their weather change? November fog, 
 Weeping April, March with many a raw gust ? 
 
 And do thunder and demented dog 
 Come to them in August ? 
 
 Nineteenth century science should unravel 
 
 All these queries, but has somehow missed 'em. 
 
 When will it be possible to travel 
 Through the solar system ? 
 
 STILTS. 
 
 Behold the mansion reared by daedal Jack, 
 
 See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack, 
 
 In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac. 
 
 Mark how the Kat's felonious fangs invade 
 
 The golden stores in John's pavilion laid. 
 
 Anon, with velvet foot and Tarquin strides, 
 
 Subtle Grimalkin to his quarry glides — 
 
 Grimalkin grim, that slew the fierce rodent, 
 
 Whose tooth insidious Johann's sackcloth rent. 
 
 Lo ! now the deep mouthed canine foe's assault, 
 
 That vexed the avenger of the stolen malt, 
 
 Stored in the hallowed precincts of the hall, 
 
 That rose, complete at Jack's creative call. 
 
 Here stalks the impetuous Cow with crumpled horn, 
 
 Whereon the exacerbating hound was torn, 
 
 Who bayed the feline slaughter beast that slew 
 
 The Rat predacious, whose keen fangs ran through 
 
 The textile fibres that involved the grain, 
 
 That lay in Hans' inviolate domain. 
 
 Here walks forlorn the Damsel crowned with rue, 
 
 Lactiferous spoils from vaccine dugs who drew, 
 
 Of that corniculate beast whose tortuous horn 
 
 Tossed to the clouds, in fierce, vindictive scorn, 
 
 The harrying hound whose braggart bark and stir 
 
 Arched the lithe spine and reared the indignant fur 
 
 Of Puss, that with verminicidal claw, 
 
 Struck the weird Rat, in whose insatiate maw 
 
 Lay reeking malt, that erst in Ivan's courts we saw. 
 
88 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Robed in senescent garb that seems, in sooth, 
 
 Too long a prey to Chronos' iron tooth ; 
 
 Behold the man whose amorous lips incline, 
 
 Full with young Eros' osculative sign, 
 
 To the lorn maiden, whose lac-albic hands 
 
 Drew albu-lactic wealth from lacteal glands 
 
 Of the immortal bovine, by whose horn 
 
 Distort, to realm ethereal was borne 
 
 The beast catulean, vexer of that sly 
 
 Ulysses quadrupedal, who made die 
 
 The old mordacious Rat, that dared devour 
 
 Antecedaneous ale, in John's domestic bower. 
 
 Lo here, with hirsute honors doffed, succinct 
 
 Of saponaceous lock, the Priest, who linked 
 
 In Hymen's golden bands the torn un thrift, 
 
 "Whose means exiguous stared from many a rift, 
 
 Even as he kissed the virgin all forlorn, 
 
 "Who milked the cow with implicated horn, 
 
 "Who in fine wrath the canine torturer skied, 
 
 That dared to vex the insidious muricide, 
 
 "Who let the auroral effluence through the pelt 
 
 Of the sly Rat that robbed the palace Jack had built. 
 
 The loud, cantankerous Shanghai comes at last, 
 
 Whose shouts aroused the shorn ecclesiast, 
 
 "Who sealed the vows of Hymen's sacrament, 
 
 To him who robed in garments indigent, 
 
 Exosculates the damsel lachrymose, 
 
 The emulgator of that horned brute morose, 
 
 That tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that kilt 
 
 The rat, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built. 
 
 The Some Journal having published a set of rather 
 finical rules for the conduct of equestrians in Central 
 Park, a writer in Vanity Fair supplemented and sat- 
 irized them as follows : 
 
 ETIQUETTE 0E EQUITATION. 
 
 "When a gentleman is t© accompany a lady on horseback, 
 1st. There must be two horses. (Pillions are out of fashion, except 
 in some parts of "Wales, Australia and New Jersey.) 
 
PUZZLES AOT ODDITIES. 89 
 
 2d. One horse must have a side saddle. The gentleman will not 
 mount this horse. By bearing this rule in mind he will soon find no 
 difficulty in recognizing his own steed. 
 
 3d. The gentleman will assist the lady to mount and adjust her foot 
 in the stirrup. There being but one stirrup, he will learn upon which 
 side to assist the lady after very little practice. 
 
 4th. He will then mount himself. As there are two stirrups to his 
 saddle, he may mount on either side, but by no means on both ; at 
 least, not at the same time. The former is generally considered the 
 most graceful method of mounting. If he has known Mr. Karey he 
 may mount without the aid of stirrups. If not, he may try, but 
 will probably fail. 
 
 5th The gentleman should always ride on the right side of the lady. 
 According to some authorities, the right side is the left. According 
 to others, the other is the right If the gentleman is left handed, this 
 will of course make a difference. Should he be ambidexter, it will be 
 indifferent. 
 
 6th. If the gentleman and lady meet persons on the road, these will 
 probably be strangers, that is if they are not acquaintances. In either 
 case the gentleman and lady must govern themselves accordingly. 
 Perhaps the latter is the evidence of highest breeding. 
 
 7th. If they be going in different directions, they will not be ex- 
 pected to ride in company, nor must these request those to turn and 
 join the others ; and vice versa. This is indecorous, and indicates a 
 lack of savoir /aire. 
 
 8th. If the gentleman's horse throw him he must not expect him to 
 pick him up, nor the lady ; but otherwise the lady may. This is im- 
 portant to be borne in mind by both. 
 
 9th. On their return, the gentleman will dismount first and assist the 
 lady from her horse, but he must not expect the same courtesy in return^ 
 
 N. B. — These rules apply equally to every species of equitation, as 
 pony riding, donkey riding, rocking horse riding, or " riding on a rail." 
 There will, of course, be modifications required, according to the form 
 and style of the animal. 
 
 SONG OP THE EEOENT KEBELLIOff. 
 
 Air: '■"Lord LovelV 
 Lord Lovell he sat in St. Charles' Hotel, 
 
 In St. Charles' Hotel sat he ; 
 As fine a case of a rebel swell, 
 As ever you'd wish to see, see, see, 
 As ever you'd wish to see I 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Lord Lovell the town had sworn to defend, 
 
 A-waving his sword on high ; 
 He swore that the last ounce of powder he'd 
 spend, 
 And in the last ditch he would die, die, die, 
 And m the last ditch he would die. 
 
 He swore by black and he swore by blue, 
 
 He swore by the stars and bars, 
 That never he'd fly from a Yankee crew 
 
 While he was a son of Mars, Mars, Mars, 
 "While he was a son of Mars. 
 
 He had fifty thousand gal-li-ant men, 
 
 Fifty thousand men had he, 
 Who had all sworn with him they would 
 never surren- 
 Der to any tarnation Yankee, kee, kee, 
 To any tarnation Yankee. 
 
 Sir Farragut came with a mighty fleet ; 
 
 With a mighty fleet came he ; 
 And Lord Lovell instanter began to retreat, 
 
 Before the first boat he could see, see, see, 
 Before the first boat he could see. 
 
 His "fifty thousand gal-li-ant men " 
 Dwindled down to thousands six, 
 Who heard a distant cannon, and then, 
 Commenced a- cutting their sticks, sticks, 
 sticks — 
 Commenced a-cutting their sticks. 
 
 "Oh, tarry, Lord Lovell!" Sir Farragut cried; 
 
 " Oh, tarry, Lord Lovell!" cried he; 
 "I rather think not," Lord Lovell replied, 
 
 "For I'm in a great hurree, ree, ree, 
 For I'm in a great hurree / 
 
 I like the drinks at St. Charles' Hotel, 
 But I never could bear strong Porter, 
 
 Especially when it is served in a shell, 
 Or mixed in an iron mortar ! " 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 91 
 
 "I reckon you're right," Sir Farragut said, 
 
 " I reckon you're right," said he ; 
 "■ For if my Porter should fly to your head, 
 
 A terrible crash there'd be, be," be, 
 A terrible crash there'd be ! " 
 
 Oh, a wonder it was to see them run ! 
 
 A wonderful thing to see — 
 And the Yankees sailed up without shoot- 
 ing a gun, 
 And captured their great citee, tee, tee, 
 And captured their great citee. 
 
 Lord Lovell kept running all day and all night, 
 
 Lord Lovell a-running kept he, 
 For he swore that he couldn't abide the sight 
 
 Of the gun of a live Yankee, kee, kee, 
 Of the gun of a live Yankee. 
 
 When Lord Lovell's life was brought to a close 
 
 By a sharp-shooting Yankee gunner, 
 From his head there sprouted a red, red — nose, 
 
 From his feet a scarlet runner ! 
 
 OTHER PARODIES. 
 
 " Come into the garden, Maud ! " 
 
 Come out in the garden, Jane, 
 For the black bear, night, has run, 
 
 Come out in the garden, Jane, 
 It's time the party was done ; 
 
 And the chickens commence to cackle again, 
 And the cocks crow, one by one. 
 
 For a breeze begins to blow, 
 
 And the planet of Jupiter, he, 
 Grows shaky and pale, as the dawn, you know, 
 
 Comes striding over the sea ; 
 Grows pale, as the dawn keeps coming, you 
 know, 
 
 Grows paler and paler to be. 
 
92 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 All night have the tulips shaked, 
 At the noise of the fiddle and drum, 
 
 All night has the trumpet-vine quivered and 
 quaked, 
 As the sounds of the dancing have come ; 
 
 Till the chickens and cocks in the hen-roost waked, 
 And they stopped the fiddle and drum. 
 
 I said to the tulip, "It's I," says I, 
 
 Whom she likes best of them all ; 
 " When will they let her alone ? " says I, 
 
 " She's tired I know of the ball. 
 Now part of the folks have said good-bye, 
 
 And part are now in the hall ; 
 They'll all be off directly," says I, 
 
 1,1 And then I'm over the wall." 
 
 I said to the pink, "Nigh over, I think, 
 The dancing and glancing and fun : 
 
 youog Lloyd Lever, your hopes will sink 
 When you find the charmer is won ! 
 
 We're one, we're one," I remarked to the pink, 
 "In spirit already one." 
 
 And the red of the pink went into my face, 
 
 As I thought of your sweet "I will; " 
 And long I stood in that slippery place, 
 
 For I heard our waterfall spill, 
 Spill over the rocks and run on in the race, 
 
 The mill-race down by the mill, 
 From the tree where I feebly stated my case, 
 
 To the fence where you answered "I will." 
 
 The drowsy buttercup went to bed 
 
 Nor left a lock of her hair ; 
 The great sunflower he nodded his head 
 
 And the poppy snored in his chair ; 
 But the pink wasn't sleepy at all, she said, 
 
 Wishing my pleasure to share, 
 No tulip or pink of them cared for bed, 
 
 They knew I expected you there. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 93 
 
 Queen pink of the feminine pinks in there, 
 
 Come out in the garden to me, 
 In the velvet basque, silk-lined you wear, 
 
 Queen pink and tulip you be: 
 Bob out little face, running over with hair, 
 
 And let the hollyhocks see. 
 
 Is that the marigold's laugh I hear, 
 
 Or the sound of her foot as 't fell ? 
 She is coming, my duck, my dear ; 
 
 She is coming, my bird, my belle. 
 The blood-pink cries ; " She is near, she is near,'' 
 
 And the pale pink sobs : " Do tell 1 " 
 The snap-dragon says: "D'you see her? D'you 
 
 see her ? " 
 And the tulip, " Yes, there by the well !"' 
 
 She is coming, my joy, my pet, 
 
 Let her trip it, soft as she chose, 
 My pulses would livelier get 
 
 "Were I dying there under the rose ; 
 My blood flow rapider yet 
 
 Were I buried down under the rose, 
 "Would start and trickle out ruby and wet 
 
 And bubble wherever she goes. 
 
 CLEON HATH A MILLION AOKES. 
 
 Brown has pockets running over, 
 
 Ne'er a dime have I ; 
 Brown he has a wife and children, 
 
 Bachelor am I ; 
 Brown he has a dozen servants, 
 
 One of 'em am I ; 
 Yet the poorest of us couple 
 
 's Brown ; I'll tell you why. 
 
 Brown, 'tis true, possesseth dollars, 
 
 All creation I; 
 And the income that it gives me 
 
 Lieth in my eye. 
 
94 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Brown he is a sleepy fellow, 
 
 Wide-awake am I ; 
 He in broad-cloth, I in tow-cloth, 
 
 Handsomest am I. 
 
 Brown has had no education ; 
 
 Mine you couldn't buy ; 
 He don't know we call him " noodle," 
 
 I assert it, I ; 
 Brown, I tell you you're a noodle, 
 
 Noodle you will die ; 
 Who speaks first to change conditions ? 
 
 — I declare — it's I ! 
 
 "WHEN I THINK OF MY BELOVED." 
 
 (Algonquin Song, in " Hiawatha. 11 ) 
 
 When I think of him I love so, 
 Oh lor ! think of him I love so, 
 When I am a- thinking of him — 
 
 Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 
 
 Oh lor! when we left each other 
 
 He presented me a thimble — 
 
 As a pledge, a silver thimble, 
 Ouch! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee! 
 
 "I'll go 'long with you," he whispered, 
 Oh lor ! to the place you come from : 
 " Let me go along," he whispered, — 
 
 Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee I 
 
 " It's awful fur, full fur," I answered, 
 " Fur away it is," I answered, 
 " Oh lor ! yes, the place I come from — " 
 
 Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 
 
 As I looked 'round for to see him, 
 Where I left him for to see him, 
 He was looking for to see me — 
 
 Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 95 
 
 On the log lie was a-sitting, 
 On the hollow log a-sitting, 
 That was chopped down by somebody — 
 
 Ouch! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee! 
 
 When I think of him I love so, 
 
 Oh lor ! think of him I love so, 
 
 When 1 am a- thinking of him — 
 Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 
 
 {From "Mtlkanwatha") 
 
 NEVER STOOPS THE SOAKING VULTURE." 
 
 {Also from "MilJcanwatha") 
 Never jumps a sheep that's frightened, 
 Over any fence whatever, 
 Over wall, or fence, or timber, 
 But a second follows after, 
 And a third, upon the second, 
 And a fourth, and fifth, and so on, 
 First a sheep, and then a. dozen, 
 Till they all, in quick succession, 
 One by one have got clean over. 
 
 So misfortunes almost always, 
 
 Follow after one another, 
 
 Seem to watch each other always ; 
 
 When they see the tail uplifted, 
 
 In the air the tail uplifted, 
 
 As the sorrow leapeth over ; 
 
 Lo ! they follow, thicker, faster, 
 
 Till the air of earth seems darkened 
 
 With the tails of sad misfortunes, 
 
 Till our heart within us, weary, 
 
 Cry out: " Are there more a-coming ? " 
 
 THE PALLS OF LODORE. 
 
 " Rising and leaping, sinking and creeping, 
 Striking and raging, as if a war waging, 
 All around and around, with endless rebound, 
 
 Confounding, astounding, 
 Dizzying and deafening the ear with its sound ! 
 
96 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 " Kecoiling, turmoiliEg, and toiling and boiling, 
 And dashing, and flashing, and splashing and crashing, 
 All at once, and all o'er, with a mighty uproar ; 
 And this way the water comes down at Lodore!" 
 
 A disappointed, u disillusioned," tourist expresses be- 
 low his view of the subject, which slightly differs from 
 Southey's. 
 
 Do you want to he told how it is that the water 
 Comes down at Lodore ? 
 Why then I'm the man 
 Of all others, that can, 
 Or, rather, the man of all others, that ought to 
 Be able to tell you, without any more 
 Fuss ; 
 Thus! 
 Behind a small cavern, 
 Suppose a dark cavern, 
 Or ravine, more correctly, 
 From whose summit directly 
 As from a stone pitcher, 
 Out of the which, a 
 Volume of fluid 
 Enough for a Druid 
 To wade to his knees in, 
 Pours out unceasin'- 
 Gly down, and not up ; 
 Which would be a sup- 
 Position so very 
 To nature contrary, 
 That it couldn't be thought a 
 
 Supposable case, 
 For a cascade of water 
 On any man's place ; 
 Much more, at Lodore, 
 Where the water has always come down, heretofore. 
 Down deep precipices, 
 And awful abysses, 
 Ten feet, or fifteen, 
 The water is seen 
 To drip, skip, trip, slip, dip 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 97 
 
 A gill in a minute, in great agitation ; 
 
 Then goes it again, 
 
 With a very perpen- 
 
 Dicular smash, dash, splash, crash ; 
 A pint, at the least calculation ! 
 
 Making no bones 
 
 Of wetting the stones, 
 
 Which can't get out, 
 
 But wriggle about, 
 A whole quart of the cascade has got 'em ; 
 
 And the way they go 
 
 Down, isn't slow ; 
 Rumble, and jumble, and tumble ; 
 Hip, hop, drop, whop, stopl 
 A gallon has got to the bottom ! 
 
 And the moral of that is, said the Duchess, that 
 tourists shouldn't see Niagara before they visit 
 Lodore. 
 
 "TELL ME, TE WINGED WINDS." 
 
 Tell me, my secret soul, 
 
 Oh, tell me, Hope and Faith, 
 Is there no resting-place 
 
 From women, girls, and death ? 
 Is there no happy spot 
 
 Where bachelors are blessed, 
 Where females never go, 
 
 And men escape that pest ? 
 Faith, Hope, and Love, best boon to mortals given, 
 Waved their bright wings, and whispered, "Yes, in Heaven!" 
 
 SEEING IS BELIEVING : SEEING IS DECEIVING. 
 Here is a row of capital letters, and of figures, of 
 ordinary size and shapes : 
 
 SSSSXXXXZZZZZ33338888 
 They are such as are made up of two parts, of simi- 
 lar form. Look carefully at these, and you will per- 
 ceive that the upper halves of the characters are a 
 
98 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 very little smaller than the lower halves — so little that, 
 at a mere glance, we should declare them to be of 
 equal size. Isow, turn the page upside down, and, 
 without any careful looking, you will see that this 
 difference in size is very much exaggerated — that the 
 real top half of the letter is very much smaller than 
 the other half. It will be seen by this that there is a 
 tendency in the eye to enlarge the upper part of any 
 object upon which it looks. Thus two circles of un- 
 equal size might be drawn and so placed that they 
 would appear exactly alike. 
 
 FANTASTIC NAMES. 
 
 An Ohio lady told me that she knew three young 
 ladies belonging to one family, named severally : 
 
 Eegina, Florida Geneva, and Missouri Iowa. And 
 that an ill-starred child, born about the time of the 
 first Atlantic cable furor, was threatened with the 
 name of Atalanta Telegrapha Cabelletta ! 
 
 The cable collapsed, and the child escaped $ but a 
 young lady of Columbus, born January 1, 1863, was 
 less fortunate. She was named by her parents in 
 honor of the event of that day, Emancipation Procla- 
 mation, and is known by the pet name " Proklio." 
 
 I knew a boy named Chief Justice Marshall ; a young 
 man, (greatness was thrust upon him,) named Commo- 
 dore Perry V r, and have been told of a little girl 
 
 named by her novel-loving mother, Lady Helen Mar. 
 
 Mrs. C, of Western New York, was, in her girlhood, 
 acquainted with a boy who by no means " rejoiced in 
 the name" of John Jerome Jeremiah Ansegus P. S. Brown 
 McB e. 
 
 A colored woman in Dunkirk named her infant son 
 in honor of two lawyers there : Thomas P. Grosvenor 
 WilUam 0. Stevens B s ; and, at an Industrial 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 99 
 
 school in Detroit, there was some years ago a colored 
 boy named Nicholas Evans Esquire Providence United 
 States of America Jefferson Davis B s. 
 
 In Gazenovia there once lived a young lady named 
 Encyclopedia Britannica D y. 
 
 There, too, Messrs. Hyde and Coop lived side by side 
 for several years. Then Mr. Hyde moved out of town, 
 and spoiled that little game. 
 
 It was noted as a coincidence when a Mr. Conlcrite, 
 of Tecum seh, Mich., sold his dwelling-house and lot 
 to Mrs. Cronldte. 
 
 A farmer in Allegany county, K. Y., named his 
 children Wilhelmina Rosalinda, SobrisM Lowanda, 
 Eugertha Emily, Hiram Orlaska, Monterey Maria and 
 Belwin Bacosti. The following are also vouched for 
 as genuine American names : Birexa Polyxany Bodge, 
 Hostalina Hypermnestra Meacham, Keren Habuch Moore 
 and Missouri Arkansas Ward. 
 
 There lived in Greenfield, K Y., a certain Captain 
 Parasol ; and, at Niagara Falls, for a time, a Methodist 
 minister named Alabaster. 
 
 I have lately heard of a Mrs. Achilles, a Mr. and Mrs. 
 Becember, a John January, and a Mr. Greengrass ; and 
 of an Indiana girl, at school in Cincinnati, named 
 Laura Eusebia Bebutts Miranda MKinn Parron Isabella 
 Isadora Virginia Lucretia A p. 
 
 In 1874 one of the young ladies at a certain convent 
 school in West Virginia, was Miss Claudia Beburnabue 
 Bellinger Mary Joseph N" p. 
 
 The following are names of stations on the " E. and 
 IS. A. Eailway," New Brunswick : Quispamsis, Nan- 
 wigewank, Osselceag, Passekeag, Apohaqui, Plumweseep, 
 Penobsquis, Anagance, Petitcodiac, Shediac, Point du 
 Chene ; and we should particularly like to hear a con- 
 ductor sing them. 
 
100 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 LADIES' NAMES. 
 
 Their Sound. 
 
 There is a strange deformity. 
 
 Combined with countless graces, 
 As often in the ladies' names 
 
 As in the ladies' faces. 
 Some names are fit for every age, 
 
 Some only fit for youth ; 
 Some passing sweet and musical, 
 
 Some horribly uncouth ; 
 Some fit for dames of loftiest grades, 
 Some only fit for scullery maids. 
 
 Ann is too plain and common, 
 
 And Nancy sounds but ill ; 
 Yet Anna is endurable, 
 
 And Annie better still. 
 There is a grace in Charlotte, 
 
 In Eleanor a state, 
 An elegance in Isabelle, 
 
 A haughtiness in Kate : 
 And Sara is sedate and neat, 
 And Ellen innocent and sweet. 
 
 Matilda has a sickly sound, 
 
 Fit for a nurse's trade ; 
 Sophia is effeminate, 
 
 And Esther sage and staid; 
 Elizabeth's a matchless name, 
 
 Fit for a queen to wear — 
 In castle, cottage, hut or hall, 
 
 A name beyond compare : 
 And Bess and Bessie follow well, 
 But Betsy is detestable. 
 
 Maria is too forward, 
 
 And Gertrude is too gruff, 
 *)Yet, coupled with a pretty face. 
 Is pretty name enough: 
 
 And Adelaide is fanciful, 
 And Laura is too fine, 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 101 
 
 But Emily is beautiful, 
 And Mary is divine ; 
 Maud only suits a high-born dame, 
 And Fanny is a baby name. 
 
 Eliza is not very choice, 
 
 Jane is too blunt and bold, 
 And Martha somewhat sorrowful, 
 
 And Lucy proud and cold. 
 Amelia is too light and gay, 
 
 Fit only for a flirt, 
 And Caroline is vain and shy, 
 
 And Flora smart and pert; 
 Louisa is too soft and sleek — 
 But Alice, gentle, chaste and meek. 
 
 And Harriet is confiding, 
 
 And Clara grave and mild, 
 And Emma is affectionate, 
 
 And Janet arch and wild ; 
 And Patience is expressive, 
 
 And Grace is old and rare, 
 And Hannah, kind and dutiful, 
 
 And Margaret, frank and fair ; 
 And Faith, and Hope, and Charity 
 Are heavenly names for sisters three. 
 
 LADIES' NAMES. 
 
 THEIR SIGNIFICANCE. 
 
 Frances is frank and free : 
 
 Bertha is purely bright ; 
 Clara is illustrious ; 
 
 Cecilia, dim of sight. 
 Katharine is pure ; 
 
 Barbara, from afar; 
 Mabel is lovable ; 
 
 Lucy is a morning star. 
 
102 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 "Wisdom is Sophia's name ; 
 
 Happiness, Letitia's ; 
 Adelaide a princess is ; 
 
 Beatrice, delicious.* 
 Susan is a lily ; 
 
 Julia has soft hair ; 
 Sara is a lady ; 
 
 Kosalind, as roses fair. 
 
 Constance, firm and resolute ; 
 
 Grace is favor meet ; 
 Emily has energy ; 
 
 Melicent is honey-sweet. 
 Elizabeth and Isabel 
 
 To God are consecrate ; 
 Edith is happiness ; 
 
 Maud has courage great. 
 
 Mary or Maria, 
 
 Star of the sea; 
 Margaret, a pearl ; 
 
 Agnes, chastity. 
 Agatha is truly kind ; 
 
 Eleanor is light ; 
 Esther is good fortune; 
 
 Elvira's soul is white. 
 
 Antoinette, Anne, Anna, 
 
 Grace and favor rare ; 
 Geraldine and Bridget, 
 
 Strong beyond compare. 
 Noble is Eugenia ; 
 
 Flora, queen of flowers ; 
 Virginia is purity ; 
 
 Let her grace be ours 1 
 
 GEOGRAPHICAL PROPERTY. 
 
 The Brewers should to Malta go, 
 The dullards all to Scilly, 
 
 The Quakers to the Friendly Isles, 
 The Furriers to Chili. 
 
 * Full of delights : blessed. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 103 
 
 Spinsters should to the Needles go; 
 
 Wine-bibbers to Burgundy ; 
 Gourmands may lunch at Sandwich Isles, 
 
 Wits sail to Bay of Fundy. 
 
 Cooks, from Spithead, should go to Greece ; 
 
 And, while the Miser waits 
 His passage to the Guinea Coast, 
 
 Spendthrifts are in the Straits, 
 The Babies (bless their little hearts !) 
 
 That break our nightly rest, 
 Might be sent off to Babylon, 
 
 To Lapland, or to Brest. 
 
 Musicians hasten to the Sound; 
 
 Itinerants to Rome ; 
 And let the race of hypocrites 
 
 At Canton find their home. 
 Lovers should fly to Cape Good Hope, 
 
 Or castles build in Spain ; 
 Debtors should go to Oh-I-Owe ; 
 
 Our Sailors to the Maine. 
 
 Bold Bachelors to the United States ; 
 
 Maids to the Isle of Man ; 
 The Gardener should to Botany go ; 
 
 And Shoeblacks to Japan. 
 This all arranged, and misplaced men 
 
 Would then no longer vex us; 
 While any not provided for 
 
 Could go, at once, to Texas ! 
 
 • * 1 HE CAPTURE. 
 
 When, in the tenth century, the Tartars, led by 
 their ruthless chief, invaded Hungary, and drove its 
 king from the disastrous battle-field, despair seized 
 upon all the inhabitants of the land. Many had fallen 
 
104 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 in conflict, many more were butchered by the pitiless 
 foe, some sought escape, others apathetically awaited 
 their fate. Among the last was a nobleman who lived 
 retired on his property, distant from every public road. 
 He possessed fine herds, rich corn fields, and a well 
 stocked house, built but recently for the reception of 
 his wife, who now for two years had been its mistress. 
 
 Disheartening accounts of the general misfortune 
 had reached his secluded shelter, and its peaceful lord 
 was horror-stricken. He trembled at every sound, at 
 every step ; he found his meals less savory ; his sleep 
 was troubled ; he often sighed, and seemed quite lost 
 and wretched. Thus anxiously anticipating the 
 troubles which menaced him, he sat, one day, at his 
 well closed window, when suddenly a Tartar, mounted 
 on a fiery steed, galloped into the court. The Hunga- 
 rian sprang from his seat, ran to meet his guest, and 
 said: 
 
 " Tartar, thou art my lord; I am thy servant; all 
 thou seest is thine. Take what thou fanciest ; I do not 
 oppose thy power. Command; thy servant obeys." 
 
 The Tartar immediately leaped from his horse, en- 
 tered the house, and cast a careless glance on all the 
 precious adornments it contained. His eyes rested 
 upon the brilliant beauty of the lady of the house, 
 who appeared, tastefully attired, to greet him there, 
 no less graciously than her consort. 
 
 The Tartar seized her, with scarcely a moment's hesi- 
 tation, and, unheedful of her shrieks, swung himself 
 upon the saddle, and spurred away, carrying off his 
 lovely booty. 
 
 All this was but an instant's work. The nobleman 
 was thunderstruck, yet he recovered, and hastened to 
 the gate. He could hardly distinguish, in the distance, 
 the figures of the lady and her relentless captor. A 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 105 
 
 length a deep sigh burst from his overcharged heart, 
 and he exclaimed in the bitterness of his bereavement : 
 " Alas ! poor Tartar !" 
 
 Matrimony has been defined An insane desire on the 
 part of a young man to pay a young woman's board. 
 But it might be said, with equal justice, to be An insane 
 desire on the part of a young woman, to secure — a 
 master. 
 
 The First Marriage. — And Adam said : " This 
 is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh : she 
 shall be called woman because she was taken out of 
 man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and 
 mother and cleave unto his wife. They shall be one 
 flesh." 
 
 No cards. 
 
 In a country church-yard is found this epitaph : 
 " Here lie the bodies of James Eobinson and Euth his 
 wife ;" and, underneath, this text: "Their warfare is 
 accomplished." 
 
 A lady having died unmarried at the age of sixty- 
 five, the following epitaph was engraved upon her 
 tombstone : 
 
 " She was fearfully and wonderfully maid." 
 
 " This animal," said a menagerie-man, is exceedingly 
 timid and retired in its habits. It is seldom seen by 
 the human eye — sometimes never ! " 
 
 If it was Talleyrand who described language as a 
 gift bestowed upon man in order to enable him to con- 
 ceal his thoughts, he scarcely made that use of it, 
 when, in reply to some friend who asked his opinion of 
 
106 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 a certain lady, he said : " She has but one fault — she 
 is insufferable ! " 
 
 "What do you want?" demanded an irate house- 
 holder, called to the window at eleven o'clock, by the 
 ringing of the door-bell : 
 
 " Want to stay here all night." 
 
 " Stay there, then ! " Window closed emphatically. 
 
 "I want to go to the Eevere," said a stranger in 
 Boston to a citizen on the street. 
 
 "Well, you may go, if you'll come back pretty 
 soon," was the satisfactory reply. 
 
 " I wish to take you apart for a few moments," one 
 gentleman said to another in a mixed company. 
 
 " Very well," said the person addressed, rising and 
 preparing to follow the first speaker 5 "but I shall 
 insist on being put together again ! " 
 
 Two gentlemen meeting at the door of a street-car 
 in Toledo, and entering together, both faultlessly- 
 dressed for the evening, one of them, glancing at his 
 companion's attire, asked briskly : " Well ! who is to 
 be bored to-night?" "I don't know," said the other, 
 as briskly, " Where are you going f 
 
 This is the way it sounded to the congregation 
 
 " Wawkaw swaw daw aw waw, 
 Thaw saw thaw Law ahwaw, 
 Wawkaw taw thaw rahvawvaw braw 
 . .„ Aw thaw rahjawsaw aw!" 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 107 
 
 this is what the choir undertook to sing : 
 
 " Welcome sweet day of rest, 
 That saw the Lord arise ! 
 Welcome to this reviving breast, 
 And these rejoicing eyes ! " 
 
 Mary Wortley Montague was epigrammatic when 
 she divided mankind into " three classes — men, 
 women, and the Hervey family"; an English writer of 
 the present century, when he summed up Harriet Mar- 
 tineau's creed, in a travesty on the Mohammedan con- 
 fession of faith, " There is no God, and Harriet is his 
 prophet ; v an English critic, who described Forster's 
 Life of Charles Dickens as a "Biography of John 
 Forster, with Eeminiscences of Dickens " ; an Ameri- 
 can, who said of one of his own noted countrymen 
 (and it is equally true of many others), " He is a self- 
 made man, and he worships his Creator;" finally, 
 President Grant, when he exclaimed: " Sumner does^ j 
 not believe the Bible r, I am not surprised 5 he didn't 
 write it ! " 
 
 Charles Francis Adams, in his eloquent eulogy on 
 W. H. Seward, lapses into a mixed metaphor which is, 
 perhaps, all things considered, one of the most remark- 
 able on record. " One single hour," he says, " of the 
 will displayed by General Jackson, at the time when 
 Mr. Calhoun — the most powerful leader secession ever 
 had — was abetting active measures, would have stifled 
 the fire in its cradle." 
 
 This is scarcely excelled even by Sir Eoche Boyle's 
 celebrated trope : "I smell a rat. I see him floating in 
 the air. But, mark me, I shall nip him in the bud !" 
 
 M. B. was planning plank walks from the front doors 
 of his Ellicottville cottage to the gate, wishing to com- 
 
108 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 bine greatest convenience with least possible encroach- 
 ment upon the verdure of the modest lawn. " Friends 
 in council,' 7 assisting at his deliberations, took diverse 
 views of the case. One would have the walks meet 
 obliquely in the form of a Y. Another insisted that 
 whatever angles there were, should be right angles, 
 etc. Finally, M. B. remarked : " Well ! we don't seem 
 to agree. No two of us agree. I think Fll plank the 
 yard all over, and, where I want the grass to grow 
 
 BORE HOLES !" 
 
 Eeaders who admire the elliptical and suggestive 
 style, and who, therefore, adore Mrs. R. H. D. and 
 Mrs. A. D. T. W., ought to be pleased with the instruc- 
 tions given by a Philadelphian million-heiress to her 
 agent, in this wise, faudivij : 
 
 " Where the men are at work, they will throw stones 
 and earth and timbers against that tree, and there is 
 no use in it. By a little care they could avoid it, but 
 they 7 won't be careful. So I'd like you, as soon as pos- 
 sible, to put a protection around it — because it isn't 
 
 . . . " No, you needn't drive her out of the 
 grounds. Cows are not allowed to run in the street, 
 and the owner is liable for trespass if they do* Shut 
 her up in the yard, and if the owner don't come for her 
 to-morrow — Pound her — because there is a law against it. 
 
 "Aha !" said a Hibernian gentleman, surprised at his 
 neighbor's unusual promptness; "Aha! So you're 
 first, at last 1 you were always behind before ! " 
 
 Another Emerald Islander, speaking at his breakfast 
 table of the difference between travel by steam and 
 the old mode, thus illustrated the point: "Afore tbe 
 rail-road was built, if ye left Elmira at noon, and 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 109 
 
 drove purty fast, ye might likely get to Corniug to tea. 
 But to-day, if ye were to start from Elmira at noon on 
 an Express train for Corning, why, ye're there Now P 
 
 Caledonian shrewdness and the Caledonian dialect, 
 alike speak for themselves, in a" bonny Scot's " defi- 
 nition of metaphysics: "When the mon wha is list- 
 enin', dinna ken what the ither is talkin' aboot, and the 
 mon wha is talkin' dinna ken it himsel', that is meta- 
 pheesicks." 
 
 " Be what you would seem to be," said the Duch- 
 ess, in Lewis Carroll's delightfully droll story of " Alice' 
 Adventures," — " or, if you like it put more simply : 
 Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what 
 it might appear to others, that what you were or might 
 have been, was not otherwise than what you had been 
 would have appeared to them to be otherwise." 
 
 That is slightly metapheesickal, perhaps ; and the 
 same objection might be urged against Dr. Hunter's 
 favorite motto: "It is pretty impossible, and, there, 
 fore, extremely difficult for us to convey unto others 
 those ideas whereof we are not possessed of ourselves." 
 
 It was Dr. Hunter, who, some years before the war, 
 returned from Florida, where he had spent the winter 
 in a vain quest of health, and exhibited to one of his 
 friends a thermometer he had procured there, marked 
 from 120° only down to zero. 
 
 "It was manufactured at the South, I suppose?" 
 she said. 
 
 " Oh, no ! " was his reply : "It was made in Boston. 
 It's a Northern thermometer, with Southern principles." 
 
 Colonel Bingham, of brave and witty memory, had 
 resigned his commission in the Union army, and come 
 
 6 
 
110 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Lome to die. During Lis lingering illness, tLe family 
 received a visit from a distant relative, a Carolina lady, 
 with strong secession proclivities, but with sufficient 
 tact not to express them freely before her Northern 
 friends. However, she could not altogether conceal 
 them, but would often express her sympathy for " tLe 
 soldiers, on botb sides" — wish she could distribute the 
 fruit of the peach-orchard among them, "on both 
 sides," &c. 
 
 One day when the Colonel was suffering, witb his 
 usual fortitude, one of Lis severest paroxysms of pain, 
 tLe lady looked in at tLe door of Lis room, and, after 
 watching him a few moments with an expression of the 
 keenest commiseration, she turned away. Just as soon 
 as he could breathe again, he gasped out : 
 
 " Cousin — Sallie — looked — as if— she was — sorry for 
 me — on both sides !" 
 
 A young lady who had married and come north to 
 live, visited, after the lapse of a year or two, her 
 southern home. It was in the palmy days of the pe- 
 culiar institution, and she was as warmly welcomed by 
 the colored as by the white members of the household. 
 Just before her arrival, a bottle of medicine with a 
 strong odor of Bourbon had been uncorked, and, after- 
 ward, set away. After the first greetings were over, 
 she exclaimed : 
 
 " I smell spirits. What have you been doing V* 
 
 Old Aunt Chloe, who had lingered in the room so as 
 to be near the beloved new-comer, turned with an air 
 of triumph to her mistress, who had often rebuked her 
 belief in ghosts, and burst out with : 
 
 " Dar, Missus ! Didn't I alius tole yo dere was 
 sperits iu dis yere house? Sometimes T see 'em, some- 
 times I hear 'em, an' yo wood'u b'lieve me ; but now, 
 Miss Lizzie 's done gone smell 'em !" 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. Ill 
 
 The first chapter of a Western novel is said to con- 
 tain the following striking passage : 
 
 All of a sudden the fair girl continued to sit on the 
 sands, gazing upon the briny deep, upon whose bosom 
 the tall ships went merrily by, freighted, ah ! who can 
 tell with how much joy and sorrow, and pine lumber, 
 and emigrants, and hopes and salt fish ! 
 
 u The story," said our host, with his inexhaustible 
 humor and irresistible brogue, " is of a man who died, 
 and forthwith presented himself at Heaven's gate, re- 
 questing admittance. 
 
 i Have ye bin to Purgatory, my mon V says St. Peter. 
 ' No, yer Eiverence.' 
 
 1 Thin it's no good. Ye'll have to wait awhile.' 
 While the unlucky i Peri ' was slowly withdrawing, 
 another candidate approached, and the same question 
 was asked him. 
 
 1 No, yer Eiverence, but I've been married.' 
 6 Well, that's all the same,' says St. Peter; * Come in !' 
 At this, the first arrival taking heart of grace, ad- 
 vanced again, and says he : 
 L Plaze yer Eiverence, I've been married twice !' 
 'Away wid ye! Away wid ye!' says St. Peter: 
 1 Heaven is no place for fools !' " 
 
 When, some years since, a coalition was talked of 
 between the New York World, the Times, aud the 
 Herald, the Tribune remarked that, after all, it would 
 be nothing new; it was only the old story of " the 
 world, the flesh, and the devil." 
 
 In 1871, when the French President was undecided 
 and inactive, in the face of all the frightful dangers 
 
112 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 that threatened the nation, some wit quoted at him the 
 well known verse from Tennyson : 
 
 " Thiers ! Idle Thiers ! We know not what you 
 mean !" 
 
 In 73 a print was widely circulated in Germany, rep- 
 resenting Bismarck pulling away at a rope which was 
 fastened to the massive pillars of a Cathedral. At 
 his side stood His Satanic Majesty, who thus ques- 
 tioned him : 
 
 " Well, my friend, what are you doing* V 
 
 u Trying to pull down the Church. 77 
 
 u Trying to pull down the Church I And' how long 
 do you think it will take you V 9 
 
 "Oh, perhaps three or four years. 77 
 
 " Yery good, my friend, very good ! I have been 
 trying that for the last eighteen hundred years ; and, 
 if you succeed in three or four, I'll resign in your 
 favor ! 77 
 
 When a certain United States Senator disappointed 
 his Ohio constituents by voting on what they thought 
 the wrong side of a question, some one (who must have 
 enjoyed his opportunity) hit him with the following 
 quotation : " He 7 s Ben Wade, and found wanting. 77 
 
 " John P. Hale is an old goose ! 77 exclaimed General 
 Cass. Some friend was kind enough to repeat this 
 saying to the Senator 5 who replied with a smile, (and, 
 surely this was the " retort courteous, 77 ) " Tell Gen- 
 eral Cass that he 7 s a Michi-gander ! 77 
 
 At a public dinner in Boston, nearly twenty years 
 ago, Judge Story proposed as a toast: " The Orator of 
 the Day: Faraa follows merit wherEVER it goes! 77 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 113 
 
 10 which Mr. Everett responded : " The President of 
 the Day : To whatever height the fabric of jurispru- 
 dence may aspire in this country, it can never rise 
 above one Story !" 
 
 A newspaper wit announces the discovery of a buried 
 city in the following pathetic terms : Another lost city 
 has been found on the coast of Siberia. Now let the 
 man who lost it make his appearance, pay for this ad- 
 vertisement, and take his old ruins away. 
 
 It has been said that the faculty of generalization 
 belongs equally to childhood and to genius. Was she 
 a genius, clad in sable robes, and bewailing the recent 
 loss of her husband — she was certainly not a child — 
 who observed in conversation, with most impressive 
 pathos : " For we are all liable to become a widow !" 
 
 CHARACTERISTIC SAYINGS OF AMERICANS. 
 
 Franklin said many things that have passed into 
 maxims, but nothing that is better known and remem- 
 bered than " He paid dear, very dear, for his whistle.' 7 
 
 Washington made but very few epigrammatic 
 speeches. Here is one : " To be prepared for war is the 
 most effectual means of preserving peace." 
 
 Did you ever hear of old John Dickinson ? Well, 
 he wrote of Americans in 1768 : "By uniting we stand, 
 by dividing we fall." 
 
 Patrick Henry, as every school-boy knows, gave us, 
 " Give me liberty, or give me death," and " If this be 
 treason, make the most of it." 
 
 Thomas Paine had many quotable epigrammatic 
 sentences: "Rose like a rocket ; fell like a stick;" 
 
114 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 " Times that try men's souls;" " One step from the 
 sublime to the ridiculous," etc., etc. 
 
 Jefferson's writings are so besprinkled that it is dif- 
 ficult to select. In despair we jump at " Few die and 
 none resign," certainly as applicable to office-holders 
 now as in Jefferson's time. 
 
 Henry Lee gave Washington his immortal title, 
 ' ' First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts 
 of his countrymen." 
 
 Charles Cotesworth Pinckney declared in favor of 
 ' 'Millions for defence, but not one cent for tribute." 
 
 " Peaceably if we can; forcibly if we must," is from 
 Josiah Quincy, 1841. 
 
 John Adams did not say, " Live or die, survive or 
 perish, I am for the constitution," but Daniel Webster 
 said it for him. 
 
 The revolutionary age alone would give us our 
 article, had we time to gather pearls. Coming down, 
 we pass greater, but not more famous men. 
 
 Davy Crockett was the illustrious author of "Be 
 sure you are right, and then go ahead." 
 
 Andrew Jackson gave us " The Union — it must be 
 preserved." 
 
 Benton almost lost his original identity in " Old 
 Bullion," from his "hard money " doctrines. 
 
 Governor Throop, of New York, was called " Small 
 Light Troop" for years, from a phrase in a thanks- 
 giving proclamation. 
 
 Scott's " hasty plate of soup" lasted his lifetime. 
 
 Taylor's battle order, " A little more grape, Captain 
 Bragg," will be quoted after he is forgotten by " all 
 the world and the rest of mankind." 
 
 Seward is known for the " irrepressible conflict," 
 wherever the English language is spoken. 
 
 To Washington Irving we owe " The Almighty 
 Dollar." 
 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 115 
 
 Bufas Choate gave us " glittering generalities." 
 
 Tom Corwin's " welcome with bloody hands to hos- 
 pitable graves/*' gave him more unenviable criticism 
 than any other saying in his life . . 
 
 Calhoun gave us " state rights" as a most pernicious 
 and absurd equivalent for national supremacy under 
 the constitution. 
 
 Douglas applied " squatter sovereignty,'" though it 
 is probable that Oass invented it and Calhoun named it. 
 
 Stringfellow was the original " Border Ruffian." 
 
 War times gave us no end of epigrammatic utter- 
 ances. Those of Lincoln alone would fill a volume — 
 chief of these, is that noble sentiment : " With char- 
 ity to all, and malice toward none." 
 
 McClellan's " All quiet along the Potomac" was 
 repeated so often that its echo will " ring down 
 through the ages." 
 
 To Gen. Butler the country was indebted for the 
 phrase "Contraband of War," as applied to fugitive 
 negroes found within our lines. 
 
 Grant gave us " Fight it out on this line," " Uncon- 
 ditional surrender," " I propose to move immediately 
 upon your works," "Bottled up," and a hundred 
 others. It seems to have escaped notice that Grant 
 is responsible for more of these characterizing, elemen- 
 tary crystallizations of thought, than any other military 
 leader of modern times. 
 
 One odd example occurs, in his response to Gen. 
 Sheridan's telegram : " If things are pushed, L*e will 
 surrender." "Push things !" was the reply, and that 
 has passed into a proverb. 
 
 DXALEOTIGAL. 
 "The peculiarities of the Yankee dialect are most 
 amusingly exemplified by James Russell Lowell, in the 
 
116 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Biglow Papers, especially in the First Series, from 
 which the following extract is taken : 
 
 I 'spose you wonder where I be ; I can't tell fur the soul o' me 
 Exactly where I be myself, meanin' by thet, the hull o' me. 
 When I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they wa'n't bad ones neither ; 
 The scaliest trick they ever played, wuz bringin' on me hither — 
 Now one on 'em's I dunno where, they thought I was a-dyin', 
 An' cut it off, because they said 'twas kind of mortifyin'; 
 I'm willin to believe it wuz, and yet I can't see, nuther, 
 Why one should take to feelin' cheap a minute sooner 'n t'other, 
 Sence both wuz equilly to blame — but things is ez they be ; 
 It took on so they took it off, an' thet's enough for me. 
 Where's my left hand? Oh, darn it! now I recollect wut's come on't. 
 I haint no left hand but my right, and thet's got jest a thumb on't, 
 It aint so handy as it wuz to calkylate a sum on't. 
 I've lost one eye, but then, I guess, by diligently usin' it, 
 The other'll see all I shall git by way of pay fer losin' it. 
 I've hed some ribs broke, six I b'lieve, I haint kep' no account of 'em; 
 When time to talk of pensions comes, we'll settle the amount of 'em. 
 An' talkin' about broken ribs, it kinder brings to mind 
 One that I couldn't never break — the one I left behind! 
 Ef you should see her, jest clean out the spout o' your invention, 
 And pour the longest sweetnin' in* about a annooal pension; 
 And kinder hint, in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be 
 Consoled. I aint so expensive now to keep, as wut I used to be : — 
 There's one eye less, ditto one arm, an' then the leg that's wooden, 
 Can be took off, an' sot away, whenever there's a pudden ! 
 
 (Letter from Birdofreedom Sawin, a Mexican volun- 
 teer, to a friend at home.) 
 
 The Dundreary " dialect" is admirably illustrated in 
 
 A LONDON EXQUISITE'S OPINION OF " UNCLE TOM'S 
 CABIN." 
 
 Aw must wead " Uncle Tom," — a wawk 
 Which aw'm af waid's extwemely slow : 
 
 People one meets begin to talk 
 Of Mrs. Hawiet Beechah Stowe. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. . 117 
 
 'Tis not as if aw saw haw name 
 
 To walls and wind aha still confined ; 
 All that is meawly vulgah fame,: 
 
 Aw don't wespect the common mind. 
 
 But Stafla'd House has made haw quite 
 
 Anothah kind of pawson look ; 
 A countess would pawsist last night, 
 
 In asking me about haw book. 
 
 She wished to know if aw admiawd 
 
 Eva, which quite confounded me ; 
 And then haw ladyship in quia wed 
 
 Whethaw aw didn't hate Legwee. 
 
 Bai Jove ! Aw was completely flawed ; 
 
 Aw wished myself, or haw, in Fwance ; 
 And that's the way a fellah's bawed 
 
 By evewy gahl he asks to dance ! 
 
 Aw felt myself a^fcreataw fool 
 
 Than aw had evaw felt befaw ; 
 Aw'll study at some wagged school 
 
 The tale of that old blackamaw ! 
 
 It must be this same Mod of Englishman, of whom 
 the following story is told : He was traveling on some 
 American railroad, when a tremendous explosion took 
 place ) the cars, at the same time, coming to a sudden 
 halt. The passengers sprang up in terror, and rushed 
 out to acquaint themselves with the cause and extent 
 of the mischief, all but His Serene Highness, who con- 
 tinued reading his newspaper. In a moment some one 
 rushed back, and informed him that the boiler had 
 burst. " Awe 1" grunted the Englishman. 
 
 " Yes, and sixteen people have been killed !" 
 
 " Awe !" he muttered again. 
 
 "And — and," said his interlocutor, with an effort, 
 6* 
 
118 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 " your own man — your servant — has been blown into 
 a hundred pieces V 9 
 
 " Awe ! Bring rne the piece that has the key of my 
 portmanteau \ n 
 
 THE LEGAL "DIALECT," 
 
 ODE TO SPRING. 
 
 WRITTEN" IX A LAWYER'S OFFICE. 
 
 Whereas, on sundry boughs and sprays 
 
 2sTow divers birds are heard to sing, 
 And sundry flowers their heads upraise, 
 
 Hail to the coming on of spring ! 
 
 The birds aforesaid, happy pairs ! 
 
 Love 'midst the aforesaid boughs enshrines, 
 In household nests, themselves, their heirs, 
 
 Administrators and assigns. 
 
 The songs of the said birds aiouse 
 
 The memory of our youthful hours, 
 As young and green as the said boughs, 
 
 As fresh and fair as the said flowers. 
 
 Oh, busiest term of Cupid's court ! 
 
 Where tender plaintiffs actions bring ; 
 Seasons of frolic and of sport, 
 
 Hail, as aforesaid, coming spring ! 
 
 ; < Broad Wiltshire n is sampled below, in a psalm 
 given out by the Clerk of Bradford Parish Church 
 during an Episcopal visitation : 
 
 Let us zing to the praayze an' glawry 'o God, dree verses of the 
 hundred an' vourteenth zaam, — a version specially 'dapted to the 
 casion, by myself : 
 
 Why hop ye zo 2 ye little hills, 
 
 And what var do'ee skip ? 
 Is it acoz you'm proud to zee 
 His grace, the Lard Bi&hip f 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 119 
 
 "Why skip ye zo ye little hills, 
 
 And what var do'ee hop ? 
 Is it acoz to preach to we, 
 
 Is corned the Lard Bishop ? 
 
 Ees — he has corned to preach to we,— 
 
 Then let us aal strick up, 
 An' zing a glawrious zong of praayze, 
 
 An' bless the Lard Bishop / 
 
 Persons fond of economizing words, sometimes use 
 figures (are they figures of speech !) and letters, in 
 their stead. Thus, the fate of all earthly things is pre- 
 sented by the consonants DK — a view of the case en * 
 tirely consonant with our own observation. 
 
 The following is a printer's short-hand method of ex- 
 pressing his emotions : 
 
 2 KT J. 
 
 An SA now I mean 2 write 
 
 2 U, sweet KT J, 
 The girl without a || , 
 
 The belle of UTK. 
 
 I lder if U got the 1 
 
 I wrote 2 U, B4 
 I sailed in the KKDA, 
 
 And sent by LN Moore ? 
 
 My MT head will scarce contain 
 
 A calm IDA bright, 
 But, 8T miles from U, I must 
 
 M -^ > — this chance to write. 
 
 ^ - And first, should NB NV U, 
 
 B EZ, mind it not ; 
 Should NE friendship show, B true ; 
 They should not be forgot. 
 
120 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 But friends and foes alike DK, 
 As U may plainly C, 
 
 In every funeral RA, 
 And every LEG. 
 
 From virtU never DV8 ; 
 
 Her influence B9 
 Alike induces lOdernS, 
 
 And 40tude divine. 
 
 This SA until UIC, 
 I pray U 2 to XQQ; 
 
 And not to burn in EIGr 
 My young and lOder muse. 
 
 Now fare U well, DR KT J, 
 I trust that U R true ; 
 
 "When this U 0, then U can say 
 An SA IOU. 
 
 AN APPECTING STORY, 
 
 EAR BB loved a maid, 
 
 He loved her to XS, 
 And XRSIId his NRG& 
 
 2 her and eonfS. 
 
 Says he, " A meeting 111 proQR, 
 
 B4 the day is past ; 
 In spite of all my NMEB, 
 
 She shall B mine at last." 
 
 Now UUULe, MLE 
 
 "Was lOdR and B9, 
 EMN8 and gentL 2, 
 
 Some thO she was Divine, 
 
 But poor IIAR made her X, 
 She said he was a calf — 
 
 SPCLE ODS; 
 
 spoke in his BJ. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 121 
 
 She said, " Should you go on UR nEE, 
 
 And melt awA in TRR, 
 Or WR at lOtions 4 
 
 The futR 50 years. 
 
 " TJ still would B 2 me, 
 
 TJR not 2 my mind , 
 So prA B TYR, sir, and go 
 Some betR maid 2 find. 
 
 " DR MLE, my love's XS, 
 
 PrithE X10U8, 
 XQQ — 4give — and love me, or 
 
 I'll take an OP8." 
 
 And so he did. Alas ! poor man I 
 
 Kind readR shed a TR, 
 He took the OPM so strong, 
 
 It laid him on his BR ! 
 
 GEOKGE AND HIS POPPAK. 
 
 Feb. 22, a.d. 1738. 
 
 There lived once a plan-ti-er 
 
 With his son, his only love, 
 To whom, upon his birth-day, 
 
 A brand new ax he guv. 
 
 This farmer had a gar-di-ing, 
 
 All filled with apple trees, 
 "Which, for the city mar-ki-et, 
 
 He tried for to reeze. 
 
 The son he takes the hatch-i-et, 
 
 Quite jolly and jocund, 
 And, going to the apple trees, 
 
 He chops them to the grund. 
 
 The farmer called his serv-i-ents, 
 
 And ranged them in a row ; 
 " Now, who has chopped my apple trees, 
 
 And killed them, root and bo' ?" 
 
122 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 The servants stand ama-zi-ed, 
 
 All drawn up in a line ; 
 Then comes a running up to him, 
 
 His young and hopeful sci'n. 
 
 " I cannot tell a lie, poppar, " 
 This truthful boy began ; 
 
 " 'Twas I who chopped your apple trees, 
 'Twas I, your little san." 
 
 Now, who'd you s'pose this buffer was ? 
 
 And who his filial kin ? 
 It was the immortal' Bushrod, 
 
 And the late G-. Washingtin I 
 
 Feb. 22, 1815. Moral. 
 
 Now, whoso takes a hatch-i-et, 
 And apple trees cuts down, 
 
 "Will be, if he lives long enough, 
 A great and pious moun . 
 
 
 The preceding poem, while it places in a new light 
 the immortal history of the hatchet, also illustrates 
 the wonderful adaptability of the English language to 
 the purposes of the poet. Thus, in the last stanza, a 
 rhyme is required for " down," while the sense de- 
 mands the word " man" at the end of the correspond- 
 ing line. Instantly the ingenious author perceives the 
 remedy, and changes "man" to "moun," which 
 doesn't mean anything to interfere with the sense, and 
 rhymes with " down" in the most satisfactory manner. 
 
 Other fine illustrations of this kind are found in that 
 learned translation of a part of the Eneid, published 
 a few years since at Winsted, Connecticut. Thus : 
 
 " The hair stood endwise on his powdered wig, 
 Like quills upon the fretful porcupig ; 
 He wants to go, and then again he doesn't ; 
 The situation is indeed unpluzzent." 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 123 
 
 The temptation is strong to quote just here several 
 parallel passages from Davidson's very literal transla- 
 tion and from this Winsted version. We will give 
 one, for the sake of the contrast. 
 
 " Eetuming Aurora now illuminates the earth with 
 the lamp of Phoebus, and has chased away the dewy 
 shades from the sky, when Dido, half-frenzied, thus 
 addressed her sympathizing sister : 
 
 Sister Anna, what dreams terrify and distract my 
 mind ! What think you of this wondrous guest who 
 has come to our abode f In mien how graceful he ap- 
 pears! In manly fortitude and warlike deeds how 
 great ! I am fully persuaded, (nor is my belief 
 groundless,) that he is the offspring of the gods. Had 
 I not been fixed and steadfast in my resolution never 
 to join myself to any in the bonds of wedlock, since 
 my first love by death mocked and disappointed me, I 
 might, perhaps, give way. Anna, since the death of 
 my unhappy spouse Sichaeus, since the household gods 
 were stained with his blood, shed by a brother, this 
 stranger alone has warped my inclinations, and inter- 
 ested my wavering mind. I recognize the symptoms 
 of my former flame. But he who first linked me to 
 himself, hath borne away my affection. May he pos- 
 sess it still, and retain it in the grave. ( Liber Quartus. 
 Ibid.) 
 
 Next day the sun rose at the proper time, 
 And much improved the Carthaginian clime, 
 "When thus her sister Anna she addressed : 
 " Sister, my nights are full of wild unrest : 
 This nice young man that's now a-stopping here 
 To my affections is a-growing dear; 
 Celestial is his origin I know, — 
 Such fearless souls don't emanate below. 
 My grief ! what savage fights that man has fit, 
 And how genteel he can get. up and git ! 
 
124 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 'F I hadn't vowed not to unite again, 
 I'm not quite certain but I should cave in. 
 Since poor dear Sic was slew by brother Tjg, 
 For no live man I've ever cared a fig, 
 Till unto Carthage this brave hero came — 
 But now — I swan — I feel the ancient flame. 
 Yet, while Sicheeus keeps his coffined state, 
 My heart lies with his ashes — that's my gait." 
 
 Prizes having been offered for rhymes corresponding 
 to " Ipecacuanha," and " Timbuetoo/' it is to be hoped 
 that the ingenious authors of the following verses 
 gained them : 
 
 As I was walking in the grove 
 
 With my Julianna, 
 Some oranges I gave my love, 
 
 Pine-apple and banana ; 
 And then, her headache to remove, 
 
 Some ipecacuanha. 
 
 If I were a cassowary 
 
 On the plains of Timbuctoo, 
 I would eat a missionary, 
 
 Mesh and bones, and hymn-book, too. 
 
 "And the moral of that is," as the Duchess ob- 
 served : 
 
 That step can find no place 
 In rhyme, is not the case : 
 
 'Tis quite absurd : 
 To find a rhyme for " step," 
 Tou only have to sep- 
 
 Arate a word. 
 
 Also : (" month w having been declared unrhymable ;) 
 
 They seized a soldier in Broadway, 
 
 December was the month ; 
 He saw his pistols thrown away, 
 
 He also saw his gun th- 
 rown away ! 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 125 
 
 In W. G. Clarke's youth he was requested by a 
 young lady in the millinery line to contribute a poem 
 to her album. Her " Album " was an account book di- 
 verted from its original purpose, and he responded as 
 follows : 
 
 To Miss Lucretia Sojplionisba Matilda Jtrusha Catling 
 
 Thou canst not hope, nymph divine 
 That I should ever court the 
 Or that, when passion's glow is done, 
 My heart can ever love but 
 "When, from Hope's flowers exhales the dew, 
 Then Love's false smiles desert us 
 Then Fancy's radiance 'gins to flee, 
 And life is robbed of all the 
 And Sorrow sad her tears must pour 
 O'er cheeks where roses bloomed be 
 Yes 1 life's a scene all dim as Styx ; 
 Its joys are dear at 
 Its raptures fly so quickly hence 
 They're scarcely cheap at 
 Oh ! for the dreams that then survive I 
 They're high at pennies 
 The breast no more is filled with heaven 
 "When years it numbers 
 And yields it up to Manhood's fate 
 About the age of 
 
 Finds the world cold and dim and dirty 
 Ere the heart's annual count is 
 Alas ! for all the joys that follow 
 I would not give a quarter dollar. 
 
 Thus, my dear maid, I send to you 
 The balance of my meter due ; 
 Please scrutinize the above amount, 
 And set it down to my account. 
 
 9 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 6 
 18d 
 25 
 21 
 28 
 30 
 25 
 
 1 97£ 
 
126 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 "FRAGMENTS OP Atf OKIGINAL LOVE STOKY," 
 
 BY 
 
 J. G-. Staunton, and a South Carolina Lady. 
 
 After a "lovers' 
 quarrel," when the party of the first part 
 
 Meekly approached and knelt down at her feet, 
 
 Praying loud as before he had ranted, 
 
 That she would forgive him, and try to be sweet, 
 And said " Can't you?" the dear girl re-canted. 
 
 Then softly he whispered " How could you do so ? 
 
 I certainly thought I was jilted ; 
 But come now with me ; to the parson we'll go I 
 
 Say, wilt thou, my dear ?" and she wilted. 
 
 Then gaily he took her to see his new home ; 
 
 A cottage by no means enchanted ; 
 " Ah! here we can live without longing to roam," 
 
 He said, " Sha'n't we, my love ?" and they shantied, 
 
 And gently beamed o'er them love's rose-colored ray ; 
 
 (The bridegroom and bride of this ballad ;) 
 He said "Let us walk at the close of the day, 
 
 My own lovely Sail," and they sallied. 
 
 He plucked her the sweetest and loveliest flowers 
 That scented the path where they wandered ; 
 
 And when she exclaimed " Let us turn from these bowers, 
 To roam near the pond!" then they pondered. 
 
 Old time softly paused o'er the home of this pair, 
 
 Nor grief nor perplexity haunted ; 
 And when the meek husband asked " What shall I wear?" 
 
 "Plaid pants," she replied, and he panted. 
 
 She, like a good wife, made his wardrobe her care ; 
 
 (Neglecting it seemed to her wicked ; ) 
 So, when she brought linen, all shining and fair, 
 
 Saying "Wear this, dear Dick!" then he dickied . 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 127 
 
 And when a bright bud of divinity came, 
 
 To gladden the home where it tarried, 
 They put it to vote that the young stranger's name 
 
 Sweet Carrie should be, aud ' twos carried. 
 
 But perhaps the most "pronounced" example of 
 adaptability, as referred to above, is found in a poem 
 recently contributed to a Rochester paper. 
 
 " Spring, sprang, beautiful sprung 1 
 The wild-winged warblers are wanging a wung, 
 And the soft southern breezes are brazing a broze, . 
 That thaws up the ice with remarkable thoze. 
 
 betterest time of all moments of tome, 
 I'll rhyme thee a rhimelet in tenderest rhome, 
 And tell thee how oft in my longing, I've lung 
 To welcome thy coming, beautiful sprung 1 
 
 Symbolical season ! exquisitest soze ! 
 All nature uprising in gleefulest gloze, 
 Wide opens its larynx to sing and to shout, 
 Exuberant pleasure and gratef ulest grout . 
 
 The blithe little rivulets run to the seas, — 
 The little buds start on tbe hemlocks and trees ; 
 The wild geese are screaming their vigorest scream, 
 And the frogs that were dreaming no longer will dream. 
 
 Of course there is sadness in thinking the thought 
 That there'll be no more skating for skaters who 
 
 skaught ; 
 But the Erie Canal, with its decrease in tolls, 
 Will cause us to smile a succession of smoles. 
 
 If " the exigencies of rhyme " need not be consid- 
 ered in constructing English verse, neither need the 
 
128 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 exigencies of rhythm, as shown by the following highly 
 artistic couplets : 
 
 Tne wind blew down our well-sweep, 
 And father and I put it up again sheep. 
 
 "Wasn't Pharaoh a Pascal 
 
 Because he wouldn't let the children of Israel go three days' 
 journey into the wilderness, to celebrate the Paschal ? 
 
 In '73, a modest volume of poems was published by 
 an Hon. and Eev. gentleman of Central New York,* 
 in which occur the following rather surprising verses: 
 (not consecutively, but here and there.) 
 
 bright shining morn of the year, 
 I cannot foretell thy events ; 
 
 Trusting in God, why should I fear, 
 Though having so many relents ! 
 
 1 looked on his form ; 'twas like mine ; 
 Transparent his body did seem; 
 
 His vigor could never repine ; 
 With glory his features all gleam. 
 
 Oh, that the great ocean of love, 
 
 Where all the inhabitants bathe, 
 Ere they go to the bright realms above, 
 
 In His sight to whom they have clave. 
 
 We saw there as beacons of light 
 
 God's temples of worship, so fair; 
 We saw there, enlisted in fight, 
 
 The wicked who cursed God with dare. 
 * * * * * 
 then they all sang as before, 
 
 And the prophets they came rushing down ; 
 And skipping, they came to that shore 
 
 Where saints shall forever be crowned I 
 
 * The book was written in good faith, and was published for the benefit of 
 the Syracuse University. 
 
 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 129 
 
 To find the "concealed sense" (concealed nonsense!) 
 of the verses that follow, the first and third, second 
 and fourth lines, are read consecutively : 
 
 That man must lead a happy life, 
 "Who's free from matrimonial chains ; 
 
 Who is directed by a wife, 
 Is sure to suffer for his pains. 
 
 Adam could find no solid peace, 
 
 "When Eve was given for a mate ; 
 Till he beheld a woman's face, 
 
 Adam was in a happy state. 
 
 In all the female race appear 
 
 Hypocrisy, deceit, and pride, 
 The tokens of a heart sincere, 
 
 In woman never did reside. 
 
 "What tongue is able to unfold 
 
 The failings that in woman dwell ? 
 The merits in her we behold, 
 
 Are almost imperceptible. 
 
 Confusion take the man, I say, 
 
 Who makes a woman his delight ! 
 "Who will no court to women pay, 
 
 Keeps always reason in his sight. 
 
 This is nonsense, too ; though, certainly, women are 
 the faultiest of human beings — except men. 
 
 Be that as it may, few women have ever been more 
 severely, or, perhaps, more justly, cauterized, than poor 
 Job's poor wife, in Coleridge's celebrated Epigram : 
 
 Sly Beelzebub took all occasions 
 
 To try Job's constancy and patience. 
 
 He took his honor, took his health, 
 
 He took his children, took his wealth, 
 
 His servants, horses, oxen, cows — 
 
 But cunning Satan did not take his spouse. 
 
130 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 But Heaven, that brings out good from evil, 
 And loves to disappoint the Devil, 
 Had predetermined to restore 
 Twofold all Job had lost before : 
 His servants, horses, oxen, cows. 
 Short-sighted i^atan ! not to take his spouse? 
 
 SEOEET CORRESPONDENCE. 
 A young lady, newly married, being obliged to show 
 her husband all the letters she wrote, sent the follow- 
 ing to an intimate friend : 
 
 I cannot be satisfied, my dearest friend, 
 
 blest as I am in the matrimonial state, 
 
 until I confide to your most friendly keeping 
 
 trustiDg to your interest in what interests me, 
 
 the various deep sensations which swell 
 
 with the liveliest feelings of satisfaction 
 
 my almost bursting heart. I tell you, my dear 
 
 husband is one of the most amiable of men. 
 
 I have been married nearly seven weeks, and 
 
 have never found the least possible reason to 
 
 repent the day that joined us. My husband is 
 
 in person and manners far from resembling those 
 
 ugly, cross, old, disagreeable and jealous 
 
 monsters, who think by confining to secure 
 
 a wife, it is his maxim to treat as a 
 
 bosom friend and confidant and not as a 
 
 plaything or menial slave the woman 
 
 chosen to be his companion. Neither party 
 
 he frequently says, ought to obey implicitly, 
 
 but each yield to the other in turn. 
 
 I know my husband loves nothing more 
 
 than he does me ; he flatters me more 
 
 than the glass, and his intoxication 
 
 (for I must so call the excess of his love,) 
 
 often makes me blush for the unworthiness 
 
 of its object, and wish I could be more deserving 
 
 of the man whose name I bear. To 
 
 say all in one word, my dearest friend, and to 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 131 
 
 crown the whole, my former gallant lover 
 is now my indulgent husband. My fondness 
 is returned, and I might have married 
 a prince, without the felicity I find with 
 him ! Adieu ! May you be blest as I am un- 
 able to wish that I could be more 
 happy. 
 
 (The key to the above letter is to omit every alternate 
 line : reading the first, third, fifth, &c, consecutively.) 
 
 It is said that among ancient Christian devices the 
 figure of a fish occurs very frequently, with the in- 
 scription anthropou (in Greek letters), signifying of 
 man. The following explanation has been given : 
 The Greek word for fisli is ichthus, and each of the five 
 letters composing the Greek word, (ch and th being- 
 each represented by only one letter, ) is the initial of a 
 significant word, as follows : 
 
 iesus — Jesus, 
 christos — Christ, 
 theou — of God, 
 uios — Son, 
 soter — Saviour. 
 
 The whole, followed by anthropou, (the word in- 
 scribed upon the figure of the fish,) forms a profession 
 of Christian faith : 
 
 Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour of Men. 
 
 Pilate's question addressed to our Lord, u What is 
 truth?" "Quid est Veritas V> contains in itself, by a 
 perfect anagram, its own answer : u Est vir qui 
 adest :" " It is the Man who stands before youP 
 
 When " I cry that I sin " is transposed, it is clear 
 My resource, "Christianity," soon will appear. 
 
132 
 
 PUZZLES 
 
 )DITIES. 
 
 The following very curious sentence, " Sator arepo 
 teret opera rotas," is not first-class Latin, but may be 
 freely translated : " I cease from my work ; the mower 
 will wear his wheels." It is, in fact, something like a 
 nonsensical verse, but has these peculiarities : 1st. It 
 spells backward and forward the same. 2d. Then, 
 the first letter of each word spells the first word. 3d. 
 Then, all the second letters of each word spell the 
 second word. 4th. Then, all the third, and so on 
 through, the fourth and fifth. 5th. Then, commencing 
 with the last word, the last letter of each word spells 
 the first word. 6th. Then, the next to the last, and so 
 on, through. 
 
 The lines which constitute the Pyramid below, may 
 be read from the base upward, or from the apex down- 
 ward, indifferently. 
 
 There 
 
 For aye 
 
 To s t a y , 
 
 Commanding, 
 
 'T i s standing, 
 
 With G-od-like air, 
 
 Sublimely fair. 
 
 Its form declaring, 
 
 ' Its height admiring, 
 
 Looks on it from afar 
 
 L o ! every smiling star. 
 
 To raise the pile to heaven 
 
 These beauteous stones are given, 
 
 Each prayer for truth-inspiring light, 
 
 Each manly struggle for the right, 
 
 Each kindly word to cheer the lowly, 
 
 Each aspiration for the holy, 
 
 E a c h strong temptation overcome, 
 
 Each clamorous passion held in silence dumb. 
 
 As it arises slowly toward the upper heaven 
 
 Stone after stone until the mass is given. 
 
 Its base upon the earth, its apex in the skies, 
 
 The good man's character, a pyramid doth rise. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 133 
 
 "Revolution" is transposed " to love ruin," and 
 "French Revolution," " Violence run forth." 
 
 One of the prettiest of modern anagrams is " Flor- 
 ence Nightingale," " Flit on, cheering angel." 
 
 If the name Napoleon be successively " beheaded " 
 till only two letters are left, each remainder forms a 
 significant word ; and these words, combined in a cer- 
 tain manner, form a concise sketch of Napoleon the 
 First. Thus : 
 
 Napoleon, Apoleon, Poleon, Oleon, 
 
 destroying, cities, destructive, 
 Leon, Eon, On, 
 
 lion, going about, being. 
 
 Napoleon, on, oleon, leon, eon, apoleon, poleon. 
 
 Napoleon being a destructive lion, going about de- 
 stroying cities. 
 
 The following sentence of only thirty-four letters 
 contains all the letters of the alphabet : 
 John quickly extemporized five tow bags. 
 
 HISTORY. 
 • Sir Walter Ealeigh, in his prison, was composing 
 the second volume of his " History of the World.' 
 Leaning on the sill of his window, he meditated on the 
 duties of the historian to mankind, when suddenly his 
 attention was attracted by a disturbance in the court 
 yard before his cell. He saw one man strike another 
 whom he supposed by his dress to be an officer $ the 
 latter at once drew his sword, and ran the former 
 through the body. The wounded man felled his ad- 
 versary with a stick, and then sank upon the pave- 
 
 1 
 
134 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 merit. At this juncture the guard came up, and 
 carried off the officer insensible, and then the corpse 
 of the man who had been run through. 
 
 Next day Ealeigh was visited by an intimate friend, 
 to whom he related the circumstances of the quarrel, 
 and its issue. To his astonishment, his friend unhes- 
 itatingly declared that the prisoner had mistaken the 
 whole series of incidents which had passed before his 
 eyes. 
 
 The supposed officer was not an officer at all, but 
 the servant of a foreign ambassador ; it was he who 
 had dealt the first blow ; he had not drawn his sword, 
 but the other had snatched it from his side, and had 
 run him through the body before any one could inter- 
 fere ; whereupon a stranger, from among the crowd, 
 knocked the murderer down with his stick ; and some 
 of the foreigners belonging to the ambassador's ret- 
 inue carried off the corpse. 
 
 Raleigh's friend added that the Government had or- 
 dered the arrest and immediate trial of the murderer, 
 as the man assassinated was one of the principal ser- 
 vants of the Spanish ambassador. 
 
 " Excuse me," said Ealeigh, " but I cannot have 
 been deceived as you suppose, for I was eye-witness to 
 the events, which took place under my own window ; 
 and the man fell there on that spot where you see a 
 paving stone standing up above the rest." 
 
 " My dear Sir Walter," replied his friend, " I was 
 sitting on that stone when the fray took place, and I 
 received this slight scratch on my cheek in snatching 
 the sword from the murderer. Upon my word of 
 honor, you were deceived in every particular." 
 
 Sir Walter, when alone, took up the second volume 
 of his history, which was in manuscript, and, contem- 
 plating it, thought : " If two men see the same thing 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 135 
 
 so differently — nay, if I cannot believe my own eyes, 
 how can I be assured of the truth of a tithe of the events 
 which happened ages before I was born V and he 
 flung the manuscript into the fire. 
 
 Charles Dudley Warner, travelling in Nubia and 
 Egypt, asserts that " The Arabian Nights' Entertain- 
 ment w is the best history ever written. In the light 
 of the above facts, perhaps it is. 
 
 ST, ANTHONY'S PISH-SEEMON. 
 
 From a German versification of a passage from the 
 works of Abraham a Santa Clara, a Jesuit preacher 
 of the Seventeenth Century. 
 
 St. Anthony, one day 
 
 Tound the Church empty, Sunday : 
 
 So he goes to the river, 
 
 A discourse to deliver: 
 
 They're ready to listen - 
 
 Their tails flop and glisten. 
 
 The carps, those old scorners, 
 Come out of their corners ' T 
 Their carping suspended, 
 Their jaws wide extended, 
 (Ears wanting — ) to swallow 
 Eemarks that might follow. 
 
 The pouts, cross-grained pouters — 
 Those well-known come-outers, — 
 !For this once go-inners, 
 Confessed themselves sinners. 
 The pouts said they never 
 Heard a sermon so clever. 
 
 Crabs and mud-turtles also, 
 That usually crawl so, 
 
136 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 And in dirt their heads bury, 
 Came up in a hurry. 
 Crabs and turtles had never 
 Heard sermon so clever. 
 
 Eels and sturgeons, best livers - 
 Of all in the rivers — 
 Forsaking their dinners 
 Bewailed themselves sinners. 
 Eels and sturgeons had never 
 Heard sermon so clever. 
 
 And lastly, those odd fish 
 We mortals call codfish — 
 Their glass eyes distended— 
 Devoutly attended, 
 Like rational creatures, 
 This greatest of preachers. 
 
 And dog-fish and cat-fish, 
 And flounders and flat-fish, 
 And, finally, all fish, 
 Both great fish and small fish, 
 Came swimming and squirming 
 In shoals to the sermon ; 
 And all said they never 
 Had heard one so clever. 
 
 But when it was ended, 
 To their business all wended ; 
 The pikes to their thieving, 
 The eels to good living ; 
 The crab still went crooked, 
 The codfish was stupid: 
 Yet none of them ever 
 Heard sermon so clever 1 
 
 A susceptible youth addressed the following highly 
 classical letter to a young lady whose poetical effu- 
 sions, dated " Pine Woods," had won his heart : 
 
 Permittere me dicere, carissima puella, ego habeo 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 13T 
 
 visus vestris dulces fanes in papyrus. Ego lignum 
 simile videre te plurimo. Ego nosco nos lignum 
 autumnus in amore cum unus alter. Tuus versus 
 spectaculum genius et tener cors. Ego lignum 
 ealcitro tuum durum cordatum patrem ex portis, et 
 ego possum duo, si ille erat non complacens et omnis 
 rectus. Yolo ad vistare te, sed non nosco ubi Pinus 
 Sylva sit. Prendam Erie maledictum-viam ? Ubi est 
 id $ Ero membrum legis, proximo vero, et turn, cum 
 pocket libro pleno stamporum, cano in manu, silko 
 castore super capito, ego non euro pro omnibus tauri- 
 canibus in Pino-silva, nam meum canum est fors, et 
 decutiam sua capita — sed sufficit. 
 
 Omnium pro te, 
 
 Unus qui amat. 
 
 FELIS ET MUEES. 
 
 BY GREENE KENDRICK. 
 
 Felis sedit by a hole ; 
 Intenta she, cum omne soul, 
 
 Prendere rats ; 
 Mice cucurrerunt over the floor, 
 In numero, duo, tres, or more, 
 
 Obliti cats. 
 
 Felis saw them oculis ; 
 
 41 I'll have them," in quit she, " I guess, 
 
 Dum ludunt ;" 
 Tunc ilia crept toward the group, — 
 " Habeam," dixit, "good rat soup; 
 
 Pingues sunt!" 
 
 Mice continued all ludere ; 
 Intenti they in ludum vere, 
 
 G-audenter : 
 Tunc rushed the felis into them, 
 Et tore them omnes, limb from limb, 
 
 Violenter. 
 
138 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 MORAL. 
 
 Mures, omnes, now beware ! 
 Of hungry felis have a care 
 
 Nox et die ; 
 Si hoc facis " verbum sat;" 
 Avoid a huge and hungry cat, 
 
 Studiose ! 
 
 Ego nunquam audivi such terrible news, 
 As at this present tempus my senses confuse ; 
 I am drawn for a miles, I must go cum Marte, 
 Et, communis ense, engage Bonapar-te ; 
 But soon we will show to this Corsican vaunter, 
 That, though times may change, Britoxs never mutantur. 
 Dr. Porson. 
 
 Tres fratres stolidi 
 
 Took a boat for Philippi ; 
 
 Stormum surgebat 
 
 Et boatum overturnebat ; 
 
 Omnes drown erunt 
 
 Qui swimmere non potuerunt 
 
 THE EHINE. 
 
 Oh the Rhine, the Rhine, the Rhine ! 
 
 Comme c'est beau ! wie schon ! che bello ! 
 He who quaffs thy Lust and Wein, 
 
 Morbleu ! is a lucky fellow. 
 
 How I love thy rushing streams, 
 Groves of ash and birch and hazel, 
 
 Erom Schaffhausen's rainbow beams, 
 Jusqu 'a l'echo d' Oberwesel ! 
 
 Oh, que j'aime the Briichen, when 
 The crammed Dampschiff gayly passes ! 
 
 Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, 
 And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses ! 
 
 Oh, que j'aime the "oui," the " bah," 
 From the motley crowd that flow, 
 
 "With the universal " ja," 
 And the Allo-emeine "So!" 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 139 
 
 LATIU POEM. 
 
 FOR THE LEARNED. 
 
 Hei didulum, didulura, atque iterum didulum, 
 
 Felisque, Eidisque! 
 Vacca super Lunse cornua prosiluit 
 Nescio qua catulus risit dulcedine ludi, 
 Ab stunt et turpi lanx cochleare fuga ! 
 
 FRENCH SONG. 
 
 Chantons une chanson a six sous, 
 
 La poche pleine de ble ; 
 Vingt-quatre oiseaux noirs 
 
 Ouits dans un pate ! 
 Quand le pate s'ouvrit, 
 
 Les oiseaux levaient leurs voix ; 
 N'etait-ce pas un joli plat, 
 
 Mettre devant le Roi ? 
 
 IOH BIB" DEDT. 
 
 ENGLISH, LATIN, GREEK, FRENCH AND GERMAN " MACARONI." 
 
 In tempus old a hero lived 
 
 Qui loved puellas deux, 
 He ne pouvait pas quite to say 
 
 "Which one amabat mieux. 
 
 Dit-il lui-m£me, un beau matin, 
 
 " Non possum both avoir ; 
 Sed si address Amanda Anne, 
 
 Then Kate and I have war!" 
 
 Amanda habet argent coin 
 
 Sed Kate has aureas curls 
 Et both sunt very agathse 
 
 Et quite formosse girls. 
 
 Enfin, the youthful anthropos 
 
 Philoun the duo maids, 
 Resolved proponere ad Kate 
 
 Avant cet evenino-'s shades. 
 
14:0 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Procedens then to Kate's domo, 
 II trouve Amanda there, 
 
 Kai quite forgot his late resolves 
 Both sunt so goodly fair. 
 
 Sed, smiling on the new tapis, 
 Between puellas twain, 
 
 Ccepit to tell his vceux to Kate 
 Dans un poetique strain. 
 
 Mais, glancing ever and anon 
 At fair Amanda's eyes, 
 
 Illse non possunt dicere 
 Pro which he meant his sighs. 
 
 Each virgo heard his demi vow 
 "With cheeks as rouge as wine, 
 
 And, offering each a milk-white hand, 
 Both whispered "Ich "bin dein." 
 
 MACAK0NI0 ADVEETISEMENT. 
 An inn-keeper in Germany sets forth the accommo- 
 dations of his house in the following lines, inscribed 
 upon one of its windows : 
 
 In questa casa trovarete 
 
 Toutes les choses que vous souhaitez; 
 
 Vinum bonum, costas, carnes, 
 
 Neat post-chaise, and horse and harness. 
 
 ANN HATHAWAY. 
 
 (probably not Shakespeare's.) 
 
 Would ye be taught, ye feathered throng, 
 "With love's sweet notes to grace your song, 
 To charm the heart in thrilling lay, 
 Listen to Ann Hathaway. 
 She hath a way to sing so clear, 
 Phoebus might, listening, stoop and hear : 
 To melt the sad, make blithe the gay, 
 And nature charm, Ann hath a way. 
 
 She hath a way, 
 
 Ann Hathaway. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 141 
 
 When Envy's tongue and Rancor's tooth 
 
 Do soil and bite fair worth and truth, 
 
 And merit to distress betray, , , 
 
 To soothe the soul, Ann hath a way. 
 
 She hath a way to chase despair ; 
 
 To heal all grief, to cure all care, 
 
 Turn foulest night to fairest day, 
 
 Thou k no west, fond heart, Ann hath a way, 
 
 She hath a way, 
 
 Ann Hathaway. 
 
 Tell not of gems the Orient list ; 
 The diamond, topaz, amethyst, 
 The emerald mild, the ruby gay ; 
 Talk of my gem Ann Hathaway. 
 She hath a way with her bright eye, 
 Their various lustre to defy ; 
 The jewel she, and the foil they, 
 So sweet to look Ann hath a way. 
 
 She hath a way, 
 
 Ann Hathaway. 
 
 But to my fancy were it given 
 To rate her charms, I'd call it heaven ; 
 For, though a mortal made of clay, 
 Angels might love Ann Hathaway. 
 She hath a way so to control 
 And rapture the imprisoned soul, 
 And love and truth so to display 
 That to be heaven Ann hath a way. 
 
 She hath a way, 
 
 Ann Hathaway. 
 
 INSTRUCTIVE FABLES. 
 
 The Dog> and the Spare Eib. — A mastiff cross- 
 ing a bridge and bearing in his mouth a piece of meat ? 
 suddenly swallowed the meat. He immediately ob- 
 served that the shadow of the aforesaid in the water 
 had disappeared. 
 
 7* 
 
142 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 Moral : We learn from this fable that life is but a 
 shadow. 
 
 The Ass and the Locomotive. — A donkey one 
 day was quietly munching thistles when he heard the 
 screaming whistle of a locomotive. Pricking up his 
 ears, he started into a gallop and raced across lots, 
 with his tail high in the air. 
 
 Moral : This fable teaches what an ass he was. 
 
 The Mouse and the Oat.— A mouse once peeped 
 from his hole and saw a cat. The cat was looking the 
 other way, and happened not to see the mouse. 
 
 Nobody killed. 
 
 Moral : This little fable doesn't teach anything. 
 
 PRONUNCIATION. 
 
 The difficulty of applying rules to the pronuncia- 
 tion of our language may be illustrated in two lines, 
 wherein the combination of the letters ough is pro- 
 nounced in no less than seven different ways, viz : 
 as o, uf 7 off, up, ow, 00, and ock. 
 
 Though the tough cough and hiccough plough me through,. 
 O'er life's dark lough my course I still pursue. 
 
 And in the subjoined couplets, which should be read 
 rhymingly : 
 
 Peasant Arcadian, guiding the plough, 
 
 Loam on your garments, your aspect is rough. 
 
 Peasant imprudent, I hear you've a cough: 
 Do you feel sure you're clad warm enough ? 
 
 Home to your cottage, and bend o'er the trough, 
 Kneading the loaves of digestible dough. 
 
 Though the bread's heavy, unsweetened and tough, 
 Well sharpened teeth can go easily through. 
 
 And the opposite difficulty, wbicb sometimes occurs, 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. „ 143 
 
 of determining the sense of a word from its pronunci- 
 ation, is shown in the following verses : 
 
 Write, we know, is written right, 
 
 When we see it written w-r-i-t-e ; 
 But when we see it written r-i-g-h-t, 
 
 We know it is not written right. 
 For write, to have it written right, 
 
 Must not be written r-i-g-h-t, or r-i-t-e, 
 Nor yet must it be written w-r-i-g-h-t, 
 
 But w-r-i-t-e, for so 'tis written right. 
 
 Some one asks : " If W-o-r-c-e-s-£e-r is pronounced 
 Wooster, wouldn't r-o-r-c-e-s-t-e-r be an excellent way 
 to spell rooster ? 
 
 That is " the English of it,?' and, on the same prin- 
 ciple — whatever it is — C-h-o-l-ni-o-n-d-e-l-e-y is pro- 
 nounced Ohuinley; M-i-c-h-i-1-i-m-a-c-i-n-a-c, Mackinaw j 
 M-a-r-j-o-r-i-b-a-n-k-s, Marchbank; L-e-i-c-e-s-t-e-r, Les- 
 ter ; N-o-r-w-i-c-h, Norrij, and C-o-l-o-n-e-1, Ournel. 
 
 The ways of English pronunciation are, indeed, past 
 finding out. 
 
 So are the secret motives of those who, having once 
 adopted a false pronunciation, adhere to it in the face 
 of all precept and example; who persist in calling 
 Garibaldi, Gar-i-bawld-i ; guipure, gini-pure; alpaca, 
 al-a-pac-a ; and a polonaise, a polo-nay. Of this class 
 was the young person of Boston — she couldn't have 
 been a young person of Boston !— who, passing out of 
 an Art Gallery with a friend not long since, read aloud 
 the inscription beneath a statuette of Psyche, and pro- 
 nounced it Pi-sish. Her friend mildly suggesting the 
 true pronunciation, the young person rejoined: "I 
 know it. Some folks call it Si-kee, and some Pi-sish. 
 I like Pi-sish the best." 
 
144 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 THE QUESTION. 
 It is said that when a young lady enters society in 
 one of our leadiug Eastern cities, the question invari- 
 ably asked about her, by those who have not met her, 
 is, in lew York, " How much is she worth V 7 in Bal- 
 timore, "How does she look?" in Boston, "What 
 does she know V in Philadelphia, " Who is she P 
 
 ALLITERATION. 
 The best specimen of alliteration in the English lan- 
 guage is, perhaps, 
 
 THE SIEGE OP BELGRADE. 
 
 An Austrian army, awfully arrayed, 
 
 Boldly, by battery, besieged Belgrade. 
 
 Cossack commanders cannonading come, 
 
 Dealing destruction's devastating doom ; 
 
 Every endeavor engineers essay, 
 
 For fame, for fortune, fighting, furious fray ! 
 
 Generals 'gainst generals grapple — Gracious God ! 
 
 How honors Heaven heroic hardihood ! 
 
 Infuriate, indiscriminate, in ill, 
 
 Kinsmen kill kindred — kindred kinsmen kill. 
 
 Labor low levels longest, loftiest lines, — 
 
 Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid moles, 'mid murderous mines. 
 
 Now noisy, noxious, numbers notice naught 
 
 Of outward obstacles opposing ought ; 
 
 Poor patriots ! partly purchased, partly pressed, 
 
 Quite quaking, quickly "Quarter! Quarter!" quest 
 
 Beason returns ; religious right redounds, 
 
 Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds. 
 
 Truce to thee, Turkey ! triumph to thy train, 
 
 Unjust, unwise, unmerciful, Ukraine ! 
 
 Yanish, vain victory ! Yanish, victory vain ! 
 
 "Why wish we warfare ! Wherefore welcome were 
 
 Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xavier ! 
 
 Yield, vield, ye youths; ye yeomen yield your yell ! 
 
 Zeno's, Zarpater's, Zoroaster's zeal, 
 
 Attracting all, arms against arms appeal. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 145 
 
 A droll example of French alliteration is the follow- 
 ing inquiry as to the efficacy of a certain remedy : 
 
 " Ton the, a-t-il ote ta toux ?" 
 
 One of the neatest of Acrostics was written by 
 Desmond Ryan, for the London Musical World : 
 
 Art and Genius burn within her, 
 
 Dearest fondling of the Graces ! 
 Every charm is centered in her ; 
 
 Like a poet's page her face is ! 
 In her voice the lark is thrilling — 
 Now to weep the heart is willing — 
 And now with joy and hope 'tis filling ! 
 
 Praised, admired, two worlds all hail her — 
 Artless, pure, no tongues assail her ! 
 Trust, love, triumph, never fail her ! 
 Tell me, sooth, whose praise all that.is ? 
 I say, Adelina Patti's ! 
 
 But apropos of ingenuity, the author of the following 
 exquisite poem seems, without half trying, to have dis- 
 tanced all competitors. 
 
 Many years ago, twenty-five or thirty, perhaps, two 
 Cincinnati editors engaged in a newspaper controversy, 
 which was, for a long time, conducted with all candor 
 and courtesy. At length, however, one of them so far 
 forgot himself as to become first personal, then scurril- 
 ous, then virulent ; and the other, at an early stage of 
 this radical change, quietly withdrew from the contest. 
 Editor No. One thereupon indulged in loud paeans of 
 victory : he had spiked his adversary's guns, put him 
 to rout, utterly demolished him. While he was in this 
 complacent frame of mind, he received from an anony- 
 mous contributor a seasonable poem on Spring-, which 
 he published with a eulogium on its beauty, and a 
 warmly-expressed wish that he might often hear from 
 its gifted author : 
 
146 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 SPRING. 
 
 The genial Spring once more with chaplets crowned, 
 
 Has showered her choicest blessings all around. 
 
 Each silent valley, and each verdant lawn, 
 
 Enriched with flowers, looks smiling as the dawn ; 
 
 Demure and modest here the violet grows, 
 
 In youder garden blooms the blushing rose: 
 
 To these the lilac adds her fragrant dower 
 
 Of perfume cherished by the sun and shower : 
 
 Kevivmg Mora walks the world, a queen 
 
 Of kingdoms peerless as a fairy scene. 
 
 Ear o'er the hills, in many a graceful line, 
 
 The rainbow blossoms of the orchard shine. 
 
 How softly mingled all their tints unite, 
 
 Embalm the air, and bless the grateful sight ! 
 
 Sweet voices now are heard on every tree, . 
 
 The breeze, the bird, the murmur of the bee ; 
 
 And down the cliff, where rocks oppose in vain, 
 
 Kuns the clear stream in music to the plain. 
 
 In noisy groups, far from their southern home, 
 
 ISTow 'round the lofty spire the swallows roam ; 
 
 The fearless robin builds, with glossy leaves, 
 
 Her fragile nest beneath the farmer's eaves ; 
 
 Embowered in woods the partridge makes her bed 
 
 With silken moss o'er tender osiers spread : 
 
 Each happy bird expands his dappled wings, 
 
 Soars with his gentle mate and sweetly sings. 
 
 The sounds of early husbandry arise, 
 
 In pleasing murmurs, to the pale blue skies ; 
 
 Shrill floats the ploughman's whistle, while he speeds 
 
 Along the yielding earth his patient steeds. 
 
 Joyous the life which tills the pregnant soil, 
 
 And sweet the profits of the farmer's toil : 
 
 Content, as smiling as an angel's face, 
 
 Keeps peaceful vigil 'round his dwelling-place ; 
 
 And gentle Hope, and Love, forever bright, 
 
 Smiling like seraphs in their bowers of light, 
 
 Salute his mornings, and embalm each night. 
 
 A few day? passed, and this self-complacent gentle- 
 man had the satisfaction of reading in a Boston paper 
 
# PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 147 
 
 that the editor of The Star in the West had fully justi- 
 fied the acrostic contained in a late beautiful poem on 
 Spking, by publishing and praising it in his paper. 
 
 EXTEMPOEE SPEAHNQ. 
 
 It is no small thing to be called suddenly to address 
 a public meeting of any sort, and to find all your wits 
 gone wool-gathering, when you most require their ser- 
 vices. Such being the case, and standing admitted, 
 the following speech of a compulsory order, at the 
 opening of a free hospital, is recommended as a model: 
 
 Gentlemen — ahem ! I— I — I rise to say — that is, I 
 wish to propose a toast — wish to propose a toast. 
 Gentlemen, I think that you'll all say — ahem — I think, 
 at least, that this toast is, as you'll all say, the toast of 
 the evening — toast of the evening. Gentlemen, I 
 belong to a good many of these things — and I say, gen- 
 tlemen, that this hospital requires no patronage — at 
 least, you don't want any recommendation. You've 
 only got to be ill — got to be ill. Another thing — they 
 are all locked up — I mean they are all shut up 
 separate — that is, they have all got separate beds — 
 separate beds. Now, gentlemen, I find by the report 
 (turning over the leaves in a fidgety manner), I find, 
 gentlemen, that from the year seventeen — no, eighteen 
 — no, ah, yes, I'm right, — eighteen hundred and fifty — 
 no, it's a three, thirty-six— eighteen hundred and 
 thirty-six, no — less than one hundred and ninety-three 
 millions — no — ah? (to a committee-man at his side), 
 what? thank you! — thank you, yes— one hundred and 
 ninety -three thousand, two hundred and thirty-one! 
 Gentlemen, I beg to propose: 
 
 Success to this Institution ! 
 
148 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 If do selections from the writings of our modern 
 humorists, Artemus Ward, P. Y. Nasby, Mark Twain, 
 and others, grace these pages, the omission arises 
 partly from the difficulty of selecting and partly from 
 the fact that these writings are only too well known 
 for our purpose. While the compiler has, doubtless, 
 brought her readers face to face with many of their 
 old acquaintances, she naturally prefers not to intro- 
 duce those whom they are certain to meet every day 
 at their own tables. " There must be a line drawn 
 somewhere." 
 
 But there is a word to be said about K. N. Pepper, 
 whose irresistibly droll papers were contributed to the 
 Knickerbocker Magazine, early in the Ws. He was, 
 in fact, pioneer in that region of illiterature, in which 
 so many others, since he withdrew, have apparently 
 settled for life. Artemus Ward learned from him 
 (and never hesitated to give him credit for the original 
 idea,) the trick of bad spelling, and caught many of 
 his fantastic ways of thought. His Betsey Jane was 
 Pepper's Hannah Gane amplified, — but the twins, and 
 the son who read the Clipper ', and the daughter who 
 delighted in the Ledger, were original Wards. (And 
 what a guardian they had, in their hi-minded father !) 
 
 K. N. Pepper describes in the Knickerbocker, his first 
 visit to New York. He arrived there on the twenty- 
 fifth of November, and that anniversary suggested 
 many solemn reflections. "I thine," he pensively 
 remarks, " that I see the British evacuating of the 
 sitty. I thine I se them gathering up their goods and 
 things. I thine I hear them cuss, and then I thine I 
 doant." 
 
 Yery suddenly he retired from the field, leaving 
 his laurels to be picked up and won by others, and 
 presently disappeared from public view. But it is 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 149 
 
 possible that Mr. James W. Morris, of Onondaga 
 County, N. Y., could, it he chose, furnish some infor- 
 mation concerning him.* 
 
 The Widow Bedott, too, was precursor and prototype 
 of Miss Sliinmins, Josiah Allen's wife, and all of that 
 ilk ; and, among her imitators, has, thus far, had no 
 equal. Her prose was a model of absurdity ; but there 
 are no words to characterize her poetry. 
 
 Listen, as she condoles with a widower, on his recent 
 bereavement : 
 
 Sickness and afflictions is trials sent 
 
 By the will of a wise creation, 
 And always ought to be underwent 
 
 With fortitude and resignation. 
 Then mourn not for your pardner's death, 
 
 But to forgit endevver, 
 For, sposen she hadn't a died so soon, 
 
 She couldn't a lived forever. 
 
 And when, at last, she secured a widower of her 
 own, the Be v. Shadrack Sniffles, how jubilant her 
 muse became : 
 
 The heart that was scornful and cold as a stun, 
 Has surrendered at last to the fortinit one. 
 Farewell to the miseries and griefs I have had ! 
 I'll never desert thee, Shadrack, my Shad. 
 
 The wonderful puns and repartees of Charles Lamb 
 and Sydney Smith, prince and king of wits ! are open 
 to the same objection as those alluded to above: they 
 are only too familiar, already. But as that is equiva- 
 lent to saying that they have charmed only too many 
 people ; turned too many sorrowful or wearied minds 
 
 * Emerson, in his " Parnassus," and the Atlantic Monthly for April, 
 18*75, accredit " A Colusion between A Water-Snaik and A Aligater." to 
 G. H. Derby (" John Phenix "). It was contributed by " K. N. Pepper '' 
 to the Knickerbocker Magazine, in 1854. 
 
150 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 out of their ordinary channels ; excited too much 
 healthful and delightful laughter j we are, after all, 
 not disposed to complain. Rather let us, Sancho- 
 Panza-like, invoke a benison, first on Cervantes him- 
 self; then on the English Hood and Hook, and Moore 
 and Sheridan and Lamb, on the three Smiths, Sydney 
 and James and Horace ; on Dickens, Thackeray and 
 Jerrold, and Edmund Lear ; on our own Irving, Derby, 
 Whicher, Morris, Brown, the Olarkes ; our Lowell, 
 Saxe, Holmes, Strong ; our Warner, Oozzens, Dodgson, 
 Gilbert, Locke, Bret Harte ; our Grail Hamilton, and 
 our Phebe Carey ; and on all the named and unnamed, 
 known and unknown writers, through whom have come 
 to us the exquisite sense of fun, the blessing of irre- 
 X^ressible mirth, and of hearty, wholesome, innocent, 
 delicious laughter ! 
 
 And if, despite our struggles, we are accused, as we 
 shall be, and justly, of having told some more than 
 twice-told tales, of quoting already hackneyed quota 
 tions, charity will urge in our behalf (and, let us 
 trust, not vainly), Burns' pathetic plea, reminding 
 the critics, that while 
 
 " What's done they " easily " compute. 
 They know not what's resisted." 
 
 "SOUND AND" UNSOUND, "SIGNIFYING NOTHING." 
 
 A young gentleman of Eochester, suspecting that 
 the poetical enthusiasm of certain of his young lady 
 acquaintances was not genuine; that they appre- 
 ciated the musical jiugie of verses, without in the least 
 regarding the sentiment, laid a wager with one of his 
 friends, that he could write a set of stanzas, which 
 should not contain one grain of sense, and yet would 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 151 
 
 be just as warmly applauded by those young ladies as 
 the most eloquent poetry. 
 
 He won the wager. (But this occurred many years 
 ago. There are no such young ladies in Eochester 
 now). 
 
 See ! the fragrant twilight whispers 
 
 O'er the orient western sky, 
 While Aurora's verdant vespers 
 
 Tell her evening reign is nigh. 
 
 Now a louder raj of darkness, 
 
 Carols o'er the effulgent scene, 
 And the lurid light falls markless 
 
 On the horizon's scattered screen. 
 
 Night is near, with all his horrors, 
 
 Sweetly swerving in his breast, 
 And the ear of fancy borrows 
 
 Morning mists to lull the west. 
 
 Ere he comes in all his splendor, 
 
 Hark ! the milky way is seen, 
 Sighing like a maiden tender 
 
 In her bower of ruby green. 
 
 Such a scene, ah ! who can list to, 
 
 And not saddened, silent, seek 
 To unveil the burning vista 
 
 Of Diana's raven cheek ? 
 
 Thus tremulous, and ever dear, 
 
 Robed in repellant rapture ; 
 Our hours shall stay, swift as the year, 
 
 Illumed by Cupid's capture ! 
 
 And when hyenal joys are ours, 
 
 And memory soars above us, 
 Hope shall retrace for future years 
 
 The love of all who love us. 
 
 Something of the same character is the subjoined : 
 
152 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 EVENING SONG. 
 
 Brightly blue the stars shine o'er us, 
 While the sinking sun ascends 
 
 To the wide spread waves before us, 
 And a pleasing softness lends. 
 
 Homeward now the aged plough-boys 
 Wing their way o'er hill and dale, 
 
 And the laughter-loving cow goes 
 Tripping lightly down the vale. 
 
 Gentle zephyrs' ink-stained fingers 
 Point the hour-hand of the clock, 
 
 There the warbling sheep-fold lingers — 
 Save it from the cruel hawk 1 
 
 Thus excoriate the hours, 
 Till the red volcano's powers 
 Kindle on the hearth its fires : 
 Poets ! dissipate your lyres ! 
 
 In the following mnsical poem, the letter e does 
 duty so well for all the other vowels, as to suggest the 
 idea that our ordinary lavish use of them is a piece of 
 extravagance I 
 
 When the September eves were new, 
 When fresh the western breezes blew, 
 When meek Selene, gem-besprent, 
 The dew her crested jewels lent ; 
 We met, Belle, where the beeches grew, 
 When the September eves were new. 
 
 When the September eves were new, 
 Endless, meseemed, the sweets we knew ! 
 Sweet fell the dew ; sweet swept the breeze ; 
 Sweet were the templed beechen trees ; 
 The spell yet sweeter, tenderer grew, 
 When the September eves were new ! 
 
 When the September eves were eld, 
 The templed beechen trees were felled; 
 Keen-edged the western breezes blew ; 
 Crestless the meek Selene grew ; 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 153 
 
 The fettered dew her jewels held, 
 When the September eves were eld. 
 When the September eves were eld, 
 Fled were the scenes we erst beheld — 
 Reft were the tender scenes we knew ; — 
 The desert, where the beeches grew! 
 Yet, Belie, we sweeter secrets held, 
 Ere the September eves were eld I 
 
 The construction of the following verses, from which 
 the letter s is omitted, shows that our language is not 
 of necessity a succession of sibilant sounds, as it is 
 generally supposed to be : 
 
 Oh! come to-night, for naught can charm 
 
 The weary time when thou'rt away. 
 Oh, come ! the gentle moon hath thrown 
 
 O'er bower and hall her quivering ray. 
 The heather bell hath mildly flung 
 
 From off her fairy leaf the bright 
 And diamond dew-drop that had hung 
 
 Upon that leaf a gem of light. 
 
 Then come, love, come 1 
 To-night the liquid wave hath not, 
 
 (Illumined by the moonlit beam 
 Playing upon the lake beneath, 
 
 Like frolic ia a fairy dream — ) 
 The liquid wave hath not, to-night, 
 
 In all her moonlit pride, a fair 
 Gift-like to them that, on thy lip, 
 
 Do breathe and laugh and home it there. 
 Then come, love, come! 
 To-night, to-night, my gentle one, 
 
 The flower-bearing Amra tree 
 Doth long, with fragrant moan, to meet 
 
 The love-lip of the honey-bee. 
 But not the Amra tree can long 
 
 To greet the bee, at evening light, 
 With half the deep, fond love / long 
 
 To meet my Nama here to-night. 
 Then come, love, come ! 
 
154 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 What a boon would a volume of poems, modeled on 
 the above principle of architecture, be to perthonth 
 troubled with a lithp; whose reading at present 
 (through the perverseness of the English language), 
 sounds thus : 
 
 Thweetly murmurth the breethe from the thea, 
 
 Thoothing my thoul to thlumberth, 
 Fond memorieth bearing to me, 
 
 Of the patht, in endleth numberth. 
 I thigh ath I think how yearth have thped, 
 
 How joy hath left me to thorrow ; 
 My heart now thleepeth the thleep of the dead ; 
 
 "Will it waken to gladneth to-morrow ? 
 
 THE NIMBLE BANK-NOTE. 
 
 " And he rose with a sigh, 
 
 And he said, 'Can this be?' " 
 
 (Motto chosen chiefly for its inappropriateness.) 
 
 One evening at the house of a friend of mine, while 
 we were seated at the table, Mr. Baker, my friend's 
 husband, absently feeling in his vest pocket, found a 
 five dollar note which he had no recollection of putting- 
 there. 
 
 " Hallo V he exclaimed, " that is no place for you. 
 I should have put you in my pocketbook. Here, wife, 
 don't you want some ready money P and he threw the 
 note across the table to her. 
 
 " Many thanks," she replied ; " money is always ac- 
 ceptable, although I have no present need of it." She 
 folded the note and put it under the edge of the tea- 
 tray, and then proceeded to pour out the tea and 
 attend to the wants of her guests. 
 
 At her right sat Mrs. Easton, or Aunt Susan, whom 
 we all knew as an acquaintance who, from time to 
 time, spent a week with Mrs. Baker. Her visit was 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 155 
 
 just at au end, and she was to return home that eve- 
 ning. 
 
 As Mrs. Baker was pouring her tea, it occurred to 
 her that she was in her aunt's debt for certain small 
 matters, and when she had the opportunity, she 
 pushed the note under her plate, saying: 
 
 •• Here, auntie, take this five dollars in part pay- 
 ment of my debt." 
 
 " Yery well," she replied, u but the money does not 
 belong to me. I owe you fifteen dollars, my dear 
 Grace, which you lent me last Saturday. I had to 
 pay the taxes on my little home, and had not the 
 ready money, and Grace lent it to me," explained 
 Aunt Susan. 
 
 Grace, an orphan, was a cousin of Mrs. Baker. She 
 and her brother Frank boarded with her, and made a 
 very pleasant addition to the family circle. She was 
 studying music, and her brother was a clerk in a mer- 
 cantile establishment. 
 
 As soon as Aunt Susan received the note, she hand- 
 ed it to Grace, saying : 
 
 " I will give you this now on account, and the rest 
 as soon as I get it." 
 
 " All right," answered Grace, laughing, " and since 
 we all seem in the humor of paying our debts, I will 
 follow suit. Frank, I owe you something for music 
 you bought me ; here is part of it," and she threw the 
 bank note across the table to her brother, who sat op- 
 posite. 
 
 We were all highly amused to see how the note 
 wandered around the table. 
 
 "This is a wonderful note," said Mr. Baker,* "I 
 only wish somebody owed me something, and I owed 
 somebody something, so that I might come into the 
 ring." 
 
156 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 " You can," said Frank. " I owe Mrs. Baker — or 
 you, it's all the same — for my board j I herewith pay 
 you part of it." 
 
 Amid general laughter, Mr. Baker took the note 
 and playfully threw it to his wife again, saying : 
 
 " It's yours again, Lucy, because What belongs to 
 me belongs to you. It has completed the round, and 
 we have all had the benefit of it." 
 
 u And now it must go around again," replied she 
 gayly. "I like to see money circulate ; it should 
 never lie idle. Aunt Susan you take it. Now I have 
 paid you ten dollars." 
 
 "Dear Grace, here is another five dollars on my ac- 
 count," said Aunt Susan, handing it to Grace. 
 
 "And you Frank, have paid ten dollars for the 
 music you bought me," said Grace, handing it to her 
 brother. 
 
 " And I pay you ten dollars for my board," he con- 
 tinued, and the note once more rested in Mr. Baker's 
 hands. 
 
 The exchanges were quick as thought, and we were 
 convulsed with laughter. 
 
 " Was there ever so wonderful an exchange V 2 ex- 
 claimed Grace. 
 
 " It's all nonsense !" exclaimed Mr. Baker. 
 
 "Not in the least," answered his wife. "It's all 
 quite right." 
 
 " Certainly," said Frank; " when the money belong- 
 ed to you, you could dispose of it as you would ; I have 
 the same right; it is a fair kind of exchange, though 
 very uncommon." 
 
 " It shows the use of money," said Aunt Susan. " It 
 makes the circuit of the world and brings its value to 
 every one who touches it." 
 
 " And this note has not finished its work yet, as I 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 157 
 
 will show you, nay dear, if you will give it to me agai n, 
 said Mrs. Baker to her husband. 
 
 " I preseut you with this five dollar note," said Mr. 
 Baker. 
 
 " And I give it to you, Aunt Susan — I owed you 
 fifteen dollars, and I have paid my debt." 
 
 "You have, my dear friend, without doubt; and 
 now, my dear Grace, I pay you my indebtedness, with 
 many thanks for your assistance." 
 
 " I take it with thanks, Aunt Susan," replied Grace ; 
 " and now the time has come when this wonder-working, 
 this inexhaustibly rich bank-note must be divided, 
 because I do not owe Frank five dollars more. How 
 much have I to pay you ?" 
 
 " Two dollars and sixty-two cents," replied Frank. 
 -" Can you change if?" 
 
 " Let me see ; sixty-two, thirty-eight, yes, there is 
 the change ; the spell is broken, Grace, and you and I 
 divide the spoils." 
 
 " This bank-note beats all I ever saw. How much 
 has it paid ? Let us count up," said Grace. " Mrs. 
 Baker gave Aunt Susan fifteen dollars, which Aunt 
 Susan gave me; I gave Frank twelve dollars and sixty- 
 two cents ; Frank gave Mr. Baker ten dollars — alto- 
 gether fifty-two dollars and sixty-two cents." 
 
 " It's all nonsense, I tell you," cried Mr. Baker, again ; 
 " you all owe each other what you owed before." 
 
 " You are deceived, my dear, by the rapid, unbroken 
 race this little sum has made ; to me it is as clear as 
 daylight," replied Mrs. Baker. 
 
 u If it is all nonsense, how could the note which you 
 gave Mrs. Baker, if nothing to me or to you, be divided 
 between us two W asked Grace. 
 
 Mr. Baker did not seem to see it very clearly, but 
 the others did, and they often relate this little history 
 for the amusement of their friends. 
 
158 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 THE EATIONALISTIO OHIOKEN. 
 
 {Inspecting its shell.) 
 By J. S. Stone. 
 
 Most strange! 
 Most queer, — although' most excellent a change ! 
 Shades of the prison-house, ye disappear ! 
 My fettered thoughts have won a wider range, 
 
 And, like my legs, are free ; 
 No longer huddled up so pitiably : 
 Free now to pry and probe, and peep and peer, 
 
 And make these mysteries out. 
 Shall a free-thinking chicken live in doubt ? 
 For now in doubt undoubtedly I am : 
 
 This Problem's very heavy on my mind, 
 And I'm not one either to shirk or sham : 
 I won't be blinded, and I won't be blind. 
 
 Now, let me see : 
 First, I would know how did I get in there ? 
 
 Then, where was I of yore ? 
 Besides, why didn't I get out before ? 
 
 Dear me! 
 Here are three puzzles (out of plenty more) 
 Enough to give me pip upon the brain ! 
 
 But let me think again. 
 How do I know I ever was inside ? 
 Now I reflect, it is, I do maintain, 
 Less than my reason, and beneath my pride, 
 
 To think that I could dwell 
 In such a paltry miserable cell 
 
 As that old shell. 
 Of course I couldn't ! How could I have lain, 
 Body and beak and feathers, legs and wings, 
 And my deep heart's sublime imaginings, 
 In there ? 
 
 I meet the notion with profound disdain ; 
 It's quite incredible; since I declare 
 (And I'm a chicken that you can't deceive) 
 What I can't understand I won't believe. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 159 
 
 Where did I come from, then? Ah ! where, indeed? 
 This is a riddle monstrous hard to read. 
 
 I have it ! Why, of course, 
 All things are moulded by some plastic force, 
 Out of some atoms somewhere up in space, 
 Fortuitously concurrent anyhow ; — 
 
 There, now! 
 That's plain as is the beak upon my face. 
 
 What's that I hear ? 
 My mother cackling at me ! Just her way, 
 So prejudiced and ignorant 1 say ; 
 So far behind the wisdom of the day. 
 
 What's old I can't revere. 
 Hark at her. " You're a silly chick, my dear, 
 
 That's quite as plain, alack ! 
 As is the piece of shell upon your back!" 
 How bigoted ! upon my back, indeed ! 
 
 I don't believe it's there, 
 For I can't see it: and I do declare, 
 
 For all her fond deceivin', 
 What /can't see I never will believe in! 
 
 A MEDLEY. 
 
 I only know she came and went, [Lowell. 
 
 Like troutlets in a pool ; [Hood. 
 
 She was a phantom of delight, [Wordsworth- 
 
 And I was like a fool. [Eastman. 
 
 One kiss, dear maid, I said, and sighed, [Coleridge. 
 
 Out of those lips unshorn ! [Longfellow. 
 
 She shook her ringlets round her head, [Stoddard. 
 
 And laughed in merry scorn. [Teunyson. 
 
 Eing out, wild bells, to the wild sky, [Tennyson. 
 
 You hear them, Oh, my heart, [Alice Cary. 
 
 'Tis twelve at night by the castle clock — [Coleridge. 
 
 Beloved, we must part [Alice Cary. 
 
 Come back, come back, she cried in grief, [Campbell. 
 
 My eyes are dim with tears ; [B. Taylor. 
 
 How shall I live through all the days. [Mrs. Osgood. 
 
 All through a hundred years ? [J. J. Perry. 
 
160 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 'Twas in the prime of summer time, [Hood. 
 
 She blessed me with her hand ; [Hoyt. 
 
 We strayed together deeply blest, [Mrs. Edwards. 
 
 Into the dreaming land. [Cornwall. 
 
 The laughing bridal roses blew, [Patmore. 
 
 To deck her dark brown hair, [B. Taylor. 
 
 No maiden may with her compare, [Brailsford. 
 
 Most beautiful, most rare! [Read. 
 
 I clasped it on her sweet cold hand, [Browning. 
 
 The precious golden link ; [Smith. 
 
 I calmed her fears, and she was calm — [Coleridge. 
 
 Drink, pretty creature, drink ! [Wordsworth. 
 
 And so I won my Genevieve, [Coleridge. 
 
 And walked in Paradise ; [Hervey. 
 
 The fairest thing that ever grew [Wordsworth. 
 
 Atween me and the skies ! [Tennyson- 
 
 ANOTHER MEDLEY. 
 
 (who are the authors?) 
 
 The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, 
 In every clime, from Lapland to Japan ; 
 
 To fix one spark of beauty's heavenly ray, 
 The proper study of mankind is man. 
 
 Tell, for you can, what is it to be wise, 
 
 Sweet Auburn, loveliest village of the plain ! 
 
 1 The man of Ross," each lisping babe replies, 
 And drags, at eaeh remove a length'niug chain. 
 
 Ah, who can tell how hard it is to climb 
 Far as the solar walk, or milky way? 
 
 Procrastination is the thief of time, 
 Let Hercules himself do what he may. 
 
 'Tis education forms the common mind, 
 The feast of reason and the flow of soul ; 
 
 I must be cruel only to be kind, 
 
 And waft a sigh from Indus to the pole. 
 
 Syphax ! I joy to meet thee thus alone, 
 Where'er I roam, whatever lands I see ; 
 
 A youth to fortune and to fame unknown, 
 In maiden meditation, fancy free. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 161 
 
 Farewell ! and wheresoe'er thy voice be tried, 
 Why to yon mountain turns the gazing eye ? 
 
 With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side, 
 That teach the rustic moralist to die. 
 
 Pity the sorrows of a poor old man, 
 
 Whose beard descending, swept his aged breast ; 
 Laugh where we must, be candid where we can, 
 
 Man never is, but always to be blest. 
 
 AND ANOTHER MEDLEY. 
 
 The moon was shining silver bright, 
 All bloodless lay the untrodden snow, 
 
 When freedom from her mountain height, 
 Exclaimed, " Now don't be foolish, Joe t ' 
 
 An hour passed by ; the Turk awoke, 
 Ten days and nights with sleepless eye, 
 
 To hover in the sulphur smoke, 
 And spread its pall upon the sky. 
 
 His echoing axe the settlers swung, 
 
 He was a lad of high degree ; 
 And deep the pearly caves among, 
 
 Sweet Mary, weep no more for me. 
 
 Loud roars the wild, inconstant blast, 
 And cloudless sets the snn at even ; 
 
 When twilight dews are falling fast, 
 And rolls the thunder-drum of heaven. 
 
 Oh, ever thus, from childhood's hour, 
 By torch and trumpet fast arrayed, 
 
 Beneath yon ivy-mantled tower, 
 They lingered in the forest shade. 
 
 My love is like the red, red rose ; 
 
 He bought a ring with posy true ; 
 Deep terror then my vitals froze ; 
 
 And, Saxon, I am Rhoderick Dhu ! 
 
163 
 
 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 LIFE; 
 
 Why all this toil for triumph of an hour? 
 
 Life's a short summer — man is but a flower 
 
 By turns we catch the fatal breath and die- 
 
 The cradle and the tomb, alas ! so nigh. 
 
 To be is better far than not to be, 
 
 Though all man's life may seem a tragedy : 
 
 But light cares speak when mighty griefs are dumb 
 
 [Young. 
 
 [Dr. Johnson. 
 
 [Pope. 
 
 [Prior. 
 
 [Sewell. 
 
 [Spencer. 
 
 [Daniel. 
 
 The bottom is but shallow whence they come. 
 
 [Sir Walter Raleigh. 
 Your fate is but the common fate of all : 
 
 Unmingled joys may here no man befall ; 
 Nature to each allots his proper sphere, 
 Fortune makes folly her peculiar care .; 
 Custom does often reason overrule, 
 And throw a cruel sunshine on a fool. 
 Live well — how long or short permit to heaven 
 They who forgive most shall be most forgiven, 
 Sin may be clasped so close we cannot see its face- 
 Vile intercourse where virtue has no place, 
 Then keep each passion down, however dear. 
 Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and tear ; 
 Her sensual snares let faithless Pleasure lay, 
 With craft and skill to ruin and betray, 
 Soar not too high to fall, but stoop to rise, 
 We masters grow of all that we despise. 
 
 [Longfellow. 
 
 [Southwell. 
 
 [Congreve. 
 
 [Churchill. 
 
 [Rochester. 
 
 [Armstrong. 
 
 [Milton. 
 
 [Bailey. 
 
 [French. 
 
 [Sommerville. 
 
 [Thompson. 
 
 [Byron. 
 
 [Smollet. 
 
 [Crabbe. 
 
 [Massinger. 
 
 [Cowley. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 163 
 
 Oh, then, renounce that impious self-esteem ; 
 Riches have wings ; and grandeur is a dream. 
 
 [Beattie. 
 
 [Cowper. 
 Think not ambition wise because 'tis brave, 
 
 [Sir Walter Davenant. 
 The paths of glory lead but to the grave, 
 
 What is ambition ? 'Tis a glorious cheat. 
 Only destructive to the brave and great. 
 What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown ? 
 The way to bliss lies not on beds of down. 
 
 [Gray. 
 
 [Willis. 
 
 [Addison. 
 
 [Dr} T den. 
 
 [Francis Quarles. 
 How long we live, not years but actions tell ; 
 
 [Watkins. 
 That man lives twice who lives the first life well. 
 
 [Herrick. 
 Make then, while yet you may, your God your friend. 
 
 [William Mason. 
 Whom Christians worship, yet not comprehend. 
 
 [Hill. 
 The trust that's given guard, and to yourself be just ; 
 
 [Dana. 
 For live we how we may, yet die we must. 
 
 [Shakespeare. 
 
THE KEY. 
 
 ANSWERS TO PUZZLES. 
 
 1. Cobweb. M. A. R. 
 
 2. Thanks. 
 
 3. Of course I cart ! (Of Oorsicau.) 
 
 4. Maid of Orleans. 
 
 5. Because they have studded the heavens for cen- 
 turies. 
 
 6. The winds blue, and the waves rose. 
 
 7. In violet. 
 
 8. They leave out their summer dress. 
 
 9. Because I am the querist. 
 
 10. Penmanship. English Paper. 
 
 11. Heather: weather. Hearth and Home. 
 
 12. Nothing. 
 
 13. It contains all the letters of the alphabet. 
 
 14. A lawsuit. 
 
 15. His father was Euoch, who did not die. 
 
 16. Yes : he was the Daughter-of-Pharaoh's sou. 
 
 17. When Autumn is turning- the leaves. 
 
 18. Buddhism. 
 
 19. Starch. (Star, sac, scar, tar, trash, act, arc, arch, 
 art, ash, rat, rash, chart, cart, cat, car, chat, cash, 
 cast, crash, hart, hat.) 
 
 20. Ague. (Hague; league; plague.) 
 
 21. Lettuce, alone. (Let us alone !) 
 
 22. The moon. 
 
 23. A human being. The Sphinx Riddle. 
 
 24. Noah. 
 
 25. Macaulay. Rural New Yorker. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 165 
 
 26. NRG. 
 
 27. M T. 
 
 28. O B C T. 
 
 29. X L N 0. 
 
 30. LEG. 
 
 31. Dutch S. 
 
 32. French L. 
 
 33. K. 
 
 34. In the days of no A (Noah,) before TJ and I 
 were born. 
 
 35. T. 
 
 36. Q. 
 
 37. It's laudin' 'em. 
 
 38. No man has three feet ; a man has two feet more 
 than no man : therefore, a man has five feet. 
 
 39. A branch. M. L. G. 
 
 40. Love Me Little : Love Me Long. 
 
 41. Ma mere. E. P. 
 
 42. Amiable (Am I able?) 
 
 43. Conundrum. 
 
 44. Purcell. M. D. 
 
 45. Yoa sigh for a cipher, but I sigh for thee ; 
 Oh, sigh for no cipher, but, oh, sigh for me ; 
 And 0, let my sigh for no cipher go, 
 
 But give sigh for sigh, for I sigh for you so ! 
 
 46. Because they axed him whether he would or no. 
 (Horrid!) 
 
 47. He was out at midnight, on a bust 
 
 48. 99|. 
 
 49. The season is backward for potatoes. 
 
 50. One "wouldn't do :" one " would do." 
 
 51. When he owed (Oh'd) "for a lodge in some 
 vast wilderness." 
 
 52. The reindeer (The rain, dear !) 
 
 53. Red Wing. M. A. R. 
 
 8* 
 
166 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 54. Insert a semicolon after "peacock," after 
 " comet," after " cloud," &c. ; finally, after " sun." 
 
 55. Semicolon after " talked." 
 
 56. Absence of body ! 
 
 57. The year before was 1870 ; the year following 
 was 1870, too. 
 
 58. Because they'd fall out, if they didn't. 
 
 59. Io died (iodide) of potassium. 
 
 60. He named it Robinson for Robinson crew so ! 
 
 61. They've been to sea. 
 
 62. By the Sound. 
 
 63. He wears his collar and pants. 
 
 64. Yeil ; vile or evil ; Levi, live. 
 
 65. A pair of spurs. 
 
 66. The letter A. 
 
 67. Translate the fourth and fifth u suis," follow. 
 " Suis" Comes from suivre, as well as from etre. 
 
 68. A mouse ran, full but. 
 Against my big to. 
 
 69. Mind your I! 
 
 70. Campbell's Poems. 
 
 71. Thou tea-chest ! 
 
 72. J'aime en silence (six lances.) 
 
 73. Who raw for (the) read, white, and blew ! 
 
 74. Gr a. (Gr, grand ; a, petit.) 
 
 75. Toad (to ad.) 
 
 76. Noon. 
 
 77. Insatiate (in sat I ate.) 
 
 78. Follow the English pronunciation of the syllables, 
 allowing for the cockneyish displacement of the letter h. 
 
 Thus: Tony's Address to Mary. 
 
 Mary ! Heave a sigh for me, 
 For me, your Tony true ; 
 
 1 am become as a man dumb, — 
 
 Oh, let Hymen prompt you ! etc. 
 
 The eighth line is " Or eat a bit of pie." 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 167 
 
 r 
 
 i 
 
 i_ 
 
 
 79. 
 
 80. 
 
 81. XIII. (X, vm.) 
 
 82. For convenience let ns call the eight-gallon 
 measure, a ; the five-gallon, b ; and the three-gallon, c. 
 
 From a fill c, and empty into b. Fill c again y and, 
 from it, fill b. Then empty b into a, and c, (which has 
 in it one gallon,) into b. Fill c again, and empty into 
 b, which now contains four gallons; while a, also, 
 contains four. 
 
 83. One bushel and one-ninth. 
 
 84. JTescio: Ik weet niet. Je ne sais pas. No sa. 
 Non so. Ioli weiss nicht. Mnis cume. I dinna ken. 
 I don't know ! 
 
 Professor Eobinson in his Algebra attempts it, but 
 not satisfactorily, so long as letters may be made to 
 represent any number, or any other number, at discre- 
 tion. Let us call it in this particular phase — (unfor- 
 tunately it has others), — the Matrimonial Equation : 
 " For, these two are one." 
 
 85. The stranger had eaten eight-thirds of a loaf: 
 seven-thirds belonging to one of the Arabs, and only 
 one-third to the other. 
 
 86. He lost four dollars and the actual cost of the 
 boots. 
 
 87. 5 herring @ 2d. =10d. 
 1 " -o'i =i 
 
 =H 
 
 12 
 
 12d. 
 
168 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 88. Endless. 
 
 89. Cares : caress. 
 
 90. Onion. 
 
 91. Advice. 
 
 92. When he has grounds for complaint. 
 
 93. For divers reasons. 
 
 94. For sundry purposes. 
 
 95. " The quality of Mercy (Mersey) is not strained." 
 
 n b. s. 
 
 96. "If the grate be empty, put coal on. If the 
 grate "be full, stop puttiug coal on.' 7 So said one, but 
 another replied " How can I put coal on, when there 
 is such a high fender F 
 
 97. Because he is no better. 
 
 98. When it becomes a lady. 
 
 99. The letters of the alphabet. 
 
 100. One was going to St. Ives' : he met the others. 
 
 101. A little too long to wait ! (A little 2, long 2, 8.) 
 
 M. 8. D. 
 
 102. The Image that Michal put in David's bed. 
 I Samuel, ch. xix. Douay version, xix ch. I Kings. 
 
 103. His sister. The blind beggar was a woman. 
 
 104. The man who thanked Heaven was the lady's 
 father. 
 
 105. " That man" was the rhymer's son. 
 
 106. Hirsute. 
 
 107. The letter s. 
 
 108. Because it is always Snowdon. 
 
 109. They should go to Fall Eiver and Salem. 
 
 110. Novice, 
 
 111. Burns. Hearth and Home. 
 
 112. Crabbe. " " 
 
 113. Bryant. " 
 
 114. Gray. " 
 
 115. Beecher. " 
 
 a u 
 
 u u 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 169 
 
 116. Homer. 
 
 117. Hood. 
 
 118. Southey. 
 
 119. Coleridge. 
 
 120. Goldsmith. 
 
 121. Humboldt. 
 
 122. Muloek. 
 
 123. Lowell. 
 121. Virgil, 
 
 125. Akenside. 
 
 126. Wordsworth. 
 
 127. Steele. 
 
 128. Shakespeare. 
 
 129. Oowper. 
 
 130. WiLLis. 
 
 131. Barry Cornwall. 
 
 132. Landon. 
 
 133. Landor. 
 
 134. Leigh Hunt. 
 
 135. Walpole. 
 
 136. Palmerston. 
 
 137. Eussell. 
 
 138. Lytton. 
 
 139. Carlyle. 
 
 140. Seward. 
 
 141. W(h)ittier. 
 
 142. Chatter(t)ou. 
 
 143. Because he has tenants. 
 
 144. It is a step fa(r)ther. 
 
 145. A draft, 
 
 146. A pack of cards. 
 
 147. A cord of wood. 
 
 148. Taking leave of things as they go. 
 
 149. His reaper. 
 
 150. It was Hamlet's Uncle, who " did murder most 
 foal." 
 
170 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 151. The Human Body. — ^he chest; 2 the eye-lids; 
 3 the knee-caps ; "the ear-drums ; 5 the nails ; 6 the soles 
 of the feet ; 7 the muscles ; 8 the palms of the hands ; 
 9 the limbs ; "two lips ; ll the hips ; 12 the calves ; 13 hairs ; 
 14 the heart; 15 the eyelashes ; ie the temples ; 17 arms ; 
 "veins ; "insteps ; 20 eyes and nose ; 21 pupils ; 22 tendons. 
 
 "The palate; b the roof (of the mouth;) c the bridge (of 
 the nose;) d the shoulder-Z>Mes ; e the iris (of each 
 eye;) 'the skull; s the spinal column; h the tongue; 
 ! tlie eye-balls, &c 7 jjj the stirrup, anvil and hammer 
 (bones of the ear,) k locks (of hair). 
 
 152. Truant. 
 
 153. Scarecrow. 
 
 154. Intimate. 
 
 155. Codicil. 
 
 156. The hair. 
 
 157. Sixteen (those who were blind of both eyes, 
 were also blind of one eye, &c.) 
 
 158. Because we have a W(h)ittier. 
 
 159. Because that was his name ! 
 
 160. Because the other forty are Lent. 
 
 161. Now here, nowhere. 
 
 162. Ah no! (Arno.) 
 
 163. Unquestionably. 
 
 164. The road. 
 
 165. Columbus. 
 
 166. Met-a-physician. 
 
 167. Sackcloth. 
 
 168. The one who attends " patienfo on a monu- 
 ment." 
 
 169. Rather he killed the gorilla. 
 
 170. She is a musing, b coming, d lighting, n chant- 
 ing. 
 
 171. She is Sad you see. 
 
 172. She is Fair I see. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 171 
 
 173. " The judicious Hooker." 
 
 174. Yesterday. 
 
 175. Sunday ; all the rest are weeJc days. 
 
 176. Campbell. W. M. Praed, 
 
 177. Seldom, (cell-dumb.) 
 
 178. His equal. 
 
 179. Justice. 
 
 180. The King's Highway. 
 
 181. Postage. 
 
 182. Baking— a king, b Mng, a Mn. 
 
 183. Strawberry. 
 
 184. A Mushroom. 
 
 185. Fault. 
 
 186. A ditch. 
 
 187. When they chatter. 
 
 188. Short. 
 
 189. A pillow. 
 
 190. Advice. 
 
 1 91. Heat ; you can catch cold. 
 
 192. Sausage. Rural New Yorlcer. 
 
 193. Hemlock. 
 
 194. Heroine; hero; her; he. 
 
 195. A blush. 
 
 196. He took his cup and saucer. 
 
 197. The cat'll eat it. 
 
 198. B natural. 
 
 199. B sharp. 
 
 200. If the stairs were a way, I would go down stairs. 
 
 201. Nameless. 
 
 202. He "cut it too little"; that is, he did not cut 
 it enough. 
 
 203. TOBACCO. 
 
 204. Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there. 
 
 205. How did the sandwiches get there % Ans. There 
 Ham dwelt, and there his descendants were bred and 
 mustered (bread and mustard.) 
 

 172 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 206. Was there any butter on the sandwiches ? Aus. 
 No ; Ham took only his wife ; he took none of his 
 family but her. 
 
 207. His was made of Gophir wood, and they are 
 made to go for wood. 
 
 208. "Noah went forth? 
 
 209. (M) a jest (y). 
 
 210. " Dreaming often ;" dreaming of ten. 
 
 211. Yes ; " perhaps v is most like maybe, or a bee 
 in May. 
 
 212. The third gave it her ring, which Puss couldn't 
 eat. 
 
 213. On the other side. 
 
 214. Eusebius, (You see by us.) 
 
 215. Inch; chin. 
 
 216. Envy; (IT.) 
 317. Pardon. 
 
 218. Cape, caper. 
 
 219. Ten, tenor. 
 
 220. Foe, four. 
 
 221. Oak, ochre. 
 
 222. Sow, soar. 
 
 223. Fee, fear. 
 
 224. Eoe, roar. 
 
 225. Sue, sewer. 
 
 226. Be, beer. 
 
 227. Lie, lyre. 
 
 228. Beau, bore. 
 
 229. Stowe, store. 
 
 230. Sea, seer. 
 
 231. Cough, coffer. 
 
 232. Loaf, loafer. 
 
 233. Port, porter. 
 
 234. Pie, pyre. 
 
 235. Bat, batter. 
 

 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 173 
 
 236. Dee, deer. 
 
 237. Tart, Tartar. 
 
 238. Tea, tier. 
 
 239. Ye, year, yeast. 
 
 240. Bow, boar, boast. 
 
 241. Fee, fear, feast. 
 
 242. Pay, pear, paste. 
 
 243. Lea, Lear, least. 
 
 244. Bow, rower, roast. 
 
 245. Bee, bier, beast. 
 
 246. E, ear, east. 
 
 247. Co., core, coast. 
 
 248. Poe, pour, post. 
 
 249. Go, gore, ghost. 
 
 250. Weigh, weigher, waste. 
 
 251. " Dear Nephew; 
 
 See, my coal on. 
 
 Uncle John." 
 " Dear Uncle ; 
 
 Coal on ! 
 
 James." 
 
 252. He is above doing a bad action. 
 
 253. Because a hen lays only one egg a day, and a 
 ship lays to. 
 
 254. Because you can. 
 
 255. ieorn, 2 needles, 3 pins, 4 buckles, 6 canals, 6 combs, 
 ^rivers, 8 roses, 9 clocks, 10 potatoes, J1 stars, 12 shoes. 
 
 Hearth and Some. 
 
 256. The whale that swallowed Jonah. 
 
 257. Bunyan — a bunion. 
 
 258. A girl is a lass, and alas is an interjection. 
 
 259. Learning to go alone. 
 
 260. The door-bell. 
 
 261. White kids. 
 
 262. He would want muzzlin'. 
 
174 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 263. When it lies in a well. 
 
 264. Three: Sirius and the two pointers. 
 
 265. Railing omnibuses. 
 
 266. All the rest are in audible. 
 
 267. Because he is not a(p)parent. 
 
 268. A river. 
 
 269. Neither: both burn shorter. 
 
 270. Because it keeps its hands before its face ; and, 
 though full of good works, it is wholly unconscious of 
 them, and always running itself down. 
 
 271. Manslaughter ; man's laughter. 
 
 272. ilfonosyllable. 
 
 273. A bed. 
 
 274. (P)shaw! 
 
 275. The sons raise meat there. (The sun's rays meet 
 there.) 
 
 276. Innocence Abroad, by Mark Twain (In no sense, 
 a broad). 
 
 277. Facetiously. 
 
 278. Philip the Great. 
 
 279. Bug-bear. 
 
 280. Wat Tyler Will Eufus. 
 
 281. Bloomer (err; her; Herr). 
 
 282. Olio. 
 
 283. Cheat; heat; eat; at; chat; ache. 
 
 284. One; none. 
 
 285. Arrow-head. 
 
 286. A man of deceit 
 Can best counter/^; 
 So, as everything goes, 
 He can best count 'er toes. 
 
 287. Balaam's Ass. 
 
 288. A kiss. 
 
 289. The five vowels. 
 
 290. Dotage. 
 
 291. Seaward. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 175 
 
 292. Mimic. 
 
 293. Disgraceful. 
 
 294. The first made musical instruments; the second 
 was a baggage-man ; the third was employed in a gas- 
 factory ; and the fourth made candles. 
 
 295. Cod. 
 
 296. The postman. 
 
 297. Cowslip. 
 
 298. Love. 
 
 299. The axle-tree. 
 
 300. Because it is farthest from the bark. 
 
 30 L. Because his business makes him sell-fish. 
 
 302. Pearlash. 
 
 303. If he was a wonder, she was a Tudor. 
 
 LION 
 
 INTO 
 304. 
 
 OTTO 
 
 NOOK 
 
 305. A cock. 
 
 306. Enigma. 
 
 307. Crabbe, Shelley, Moore. 
 
 308. Goldsmith, Locke. 
 
 309. Campbell, Knight, Day, Foote. 
 
 310. His face. 
 
 311. BLIND. 
 
 312. Young, Gay, Hood, Lamb, Field, Gray, Fox, 
 Hunt, Home, Lingard, Wordsworth, Steele. 
 
 313. Mar veil, Hilarius, Akenside, Manley, Hyde, 
 Pope. 
 
 314. Aerial. 
 
 315. Bass, perch, roast pig, turkey, fillet, celery, 
 gooseberry pudding, dates, Hamburg grapes. 
 
 316. Fire-fly. 
 
 317. The nose. 
 
 318. Walnut. 
 
176 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 319. Pea-nut. 
 
 320. Butternut. 
 
 321. Beechnut. 
 
 322. Chestnut. 
 
 323. Oocoaimt. 
 
 324. The morning glory. 
 
 325. Snow drops. 
 
 326. Spinach. 
 
 327. The passion flower. 
 
 328. The spruce tree. 
 
 329. Because he has Adam's Needle, Jacob's Ladder, 
 and Solomon's Seal. 
 
 330. Catnip and Henbane. 
 
 331. Heart-ache. 
 
 332. Cashmere. 
 
 333. Season. 
 
 334. A drum. 
 
 335. Chain, china, chin. 
 
 336. Charge, charger. 
 
 337. Scamp, scamper. 
 
 338. Lad, ladder. 
 
 339. Tell, teller. 
 
 340. Barb, barber. 
 
 341. Din, dinner. 
 
 342. I, ire. 
 
 343. Yew, ewer. 
 
 344. Owe, oar. 
 
 345. Crescent, (cress-scent.) 
 
 346. The 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 12th, 16th, 18th, 
 19th, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 26th, 27th, 30th, in the circle, 
 were Jews. 
 
 347. Honesty is the best policy. (On ST, etc.) 
 348. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 177 
 
 349. The Tongue. 
 
 350. Bothwell. St. Nicholas. 
 
 351. A little more than ~kin and less than kind. 
 
 352. Clink, link, ink, chair, hair air. 
 
 353. (1) D-ranged; (2) C-*>irt ; (3) D-lighted j (4) 
 N-haminered ; (5) D-tested ; (6) B-gone-out : (7) 
 G-owed; (8) K-dense ; (9) O-void ; (10) Spied; 
 (11) B-held; (12) C-bored; (13) X-pensive; (14) 
 D-famed. St. Nicholas. 
 
 354. Wake robin. 
 
 355. Fill blanks with : straining, training, raining ; 
 dashing, plashing, marching, arching. 
 
 356. Lily. 
 
 357. Ivanhoe. St. Nicholas. 
 
 358. Aries, — wearies. The enigma refers to the 
 
 period when Taurus (the name of whose prin- 
 cipal star Aldebaran signifies "He went be- 
 fore, or led the way,") was First Constellation. 
 Next, Aries, always First Sign, was also First 
 Constellation ; and now the Constellation Pis- 
 ces " leads the year." 
 
 359. Tissue. 
 
 360. Because it is written with great E's. 
 
 361. Because it is written with two great E's — {too 
 great ease.) 
 
 362. Trace a five-pointed star, and plant a tree at 
 each extreme point, and at each point of intersec- 
 tion. 
 
 363. In naught extenuate, and set down naught in 
 malice. E. S. B. 
 
 364. That boy lied. 
 
 365. Fill the blanks with heart, story, art, tory. 
 
 366. Fill the blanks with plover, lo^er, over, ver; 
 glowing, lowing, owing, wing. 
 
 367. " For thou art as deaf as a p-o-s-t." 
 
178 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 368. April: (ape, rill). 
 
 369. He mispronounced the word " full." "You're a 
 fool, Moon," said he. 
 
 370. The pronoun " it," which may stand for any- 
 thing on earth, or under or above the earth, seems to 
 be the only possible solution. In the first line it stands? 
 perhaps, for the utmost limit of space ; in the second, 
 for the centre of the earth, etc. 
 
 371. Dogmatic. 
 
 372. Cambyses. 
 
 373. About 117.7 feet. (Find the radius of a circle 
 whose area is 43,560 square feet.). — Prof. Eaton, of 
 Packer Institute. 
 
 374. Informal. 
 
 375. A DINNER PAETY -THE GUESTS. 
 
 1. Eobert Bruce. 
 
 2. Sir Walter Scott. 
 
 3. Cleopatra. 
 
 4. Leonidas. 
 
 5. Napoleon. 
 
 6. John Milton. 
 
 7. Louis XYI. 
 
 8. Artemisia. 
 
 9. Michael Angelo. 
 
 10. Gustavus of Sweden. 
 
 11. Warwick. 
 
 12. Anne of Warwick. 
 
 13. Christopher Wren. 
 
 14. Cardinal Mezzofanti. 
 
 15. Nelson. 
 
 16. Eobert Burns. 
 
 17. The Chevalier Bayard. 
 
 18. Cromwell. 
 
 19. Sir Eobert Walpole. 
 
 20. Sopor, King of Persia. 
 
PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 179 
 
 21. Death. 
 
 22. Schwartz, or Soger Bacon. 
 
 23. Alfred the Great. 
 
 24. Captain Cook. 
 
 25. Johannes Gutenberg. 
 
 26. Marshal Ney. 
 
 27. Galileo. 
 
 28. Blucher. 
 
 29. Sir Isaac Newton* 
 
 30. Julius Csesar. 
 
 31. Sir Humphrey Davy. 
 
 32. Sir Walter Ealeigh. 
 
 33. Sir James Eoss. 
 
 34. Alfred Tennyson. 
 
 35. William Wordsworth. 
 
 36. Geoffrey Chaucer. 
 
 37. Charles XII of Sweden. 
 
 38. The Black Prince. 
 
 39. Sir Francis Drake. 
 
 40. Talleyrand. 
 
 41. Herodotus. 
 
 1. Oysters. 
 
 2. Soles. 
 
 3. Herring. 
 
 4. Crabs. 
 
 5. Yenison. 
 
 6. Turkey. 
 
 7. Bacon. 
 
 8. Lamb. 
 
 9. Goose. 
 
 10. Hare. 
 
 11. Duck. 
 
 12. Woodcock. 
 
 13. Partridge. 
 
^30 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 
 
 14. Tongue. 
 
 15. Terrapin. 
 
 16. Potatoes. 
 
 17. Pease. 
 
 18. Parsnips. 
 
 19. Tomatoes. 
 
 20. Beets. 
 
 21. Spinach(e). 
 
 22. Cabbage. 
 
 23. Cauliflower. 
 
 24. Salad in. 
 
 25. Jelly. 
 
 26. Celery. 
 
 27. Artichokes. 
 
 28. Capers. 
 
 29. Cucumbers. 
 
 30. Salt. 
 
 31. Hominy. 
 
 32. Bread. 
 
 33. A floating island. 
 
 34. Whips. 
 
 35. Currants. 
 
 36. Gooseberries. 
 
 37. Pears. 
 
 38. Oranges. 
 
 39. Pine apples. 
 
 40. Apricots. 
 
 41. Medlars. 
 
 42. Figs. 
 
 43. Grapes (gray apes.) 
 
 44. Comfits. 
 
 45. Nuts. 
 
 Note .^ A headless man had . « etc Page J8. Jj- J % 
 letter " the letter 0-3quivalent to a cl P her ' to h ^« nothing " to write; 
 tl is the solution, then the headless man ha ^ note ^ ^ ^ 
 
 ''nothing" was read by the blind man; the dutno iep 
 
 deaf heard " nothing."