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THE MOHAWKS ; 
 
 SATIRICAL POEM 
 
 NOTES. 
 
 •• Quid faciant leges ubi sola pecunia regnat 
 
 ** Aut ubi paupertas vincere nulla potest ? 
 " Ipsi qui cynica traducunt tempora csena 
 
 " Nonriunquam nummis vendere verba solent ; 
 *' Ergo judicium nihil est nisi publica merces 
 
 " Atque eques in causa qui sedet, empta probat." 
 
 Fetronius Arbiter. 
 
 " The Stagy rite's dull rules in vain were made, 
 *• Since critics now give judgment— as they're paid. 
 " Our self-denying saints with truth make bold, 
 " And prize all doctrines only— as they're sold. 
 " While Justice' self leans lightly on the scribe, 
 " Who libels— 071 theright side—for a bribe." 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR HENRY COLBURN AND CO. 
 
 1822. 
 

 LONDON: 
 TBIKTED BY COX AND BAYLIS, GREAT QUEEN STREET. 
 
 )-. 
 
 1 
 
 /<« 
 
*' For this reason I could not forbear communicating to you some im- 
 perfect information of a set of men (if you will allow them a place in 
 that species of being), who have lately erected themselves into a fra- 
 ternity, under the title of the Mohawk-Club, a name borrowed, it seems, 
 from a sort of cannibals in India, who subsist by plundering and devour- 
 ing all the nations about them. 
 
 " Agreeable to their name, the avowed design of their institution is 
 mischief; and upon this foundation all their rules and orders are framed. 
 An outrageous ambition of doing all possible hurt to their fellow crea- 
 tures is the great cement of their assembly, and the only qualification 
 required in the members." — Spectator. 
 
 ** Quelques pamphl^taires obscurs associ^s ci des speculateurs avides, 
 vendaient leurs plumes pour servir bassement toutes les passions hai- 
 neuseset honteuses; I'espritde parti et Tesprit de cupidity s*emparaient 
 d'un moyen facile d'exploiter, — la curiosity et la m^chancet^ des hom- 
 mes ; et les reputations les plus honorables eiaient livr^es sans defense 
 aux traits empoisonnes de la calomnie." 
 
 '* Une deplorable impunite encoui ageait les editeurs de ces productions 
 monstrueuses ; et quoique efles fussent justement signal^es a I'opinion, 
 comme indignes de toute croyance, elles trouvaient souvent acces aupres 
 d'un certain nombre d'hommes. 
 
 " Dans ces honteux monumens de la licence et de la perversite humaines, 
 le crime puissant estseul protege par des menagemens officieux,ou meme 
 il est erig6 en vertu. Le meriie modeste et solitaire, la vertu ind^pen- 
 dante courageuse, qui n'appartiennent a aucun parti, k aucune coterie, 
 mais a la justice, h la verity, k la patrie, sont abreuv^s de caloranies et 
 d'outrages."— i?ey?^e Encyclopidique. 
 
The reader is requested to correct with his pen the following 
 ERRATA: 
 
 Page line 
 
 5 2 for e'er read e'en 
 
 10 
 
 4 
 
 nation. 
 
 nation. 
 
 20 
 
 8 
 
 wing'd 
 
 wigg'd 
 
 68 
 
 12 
 
 nobility 
 
 ability 
 
 — 
 
 14 
 
 ability 
 
 nobility 
 
 80 
 
 7 
 
 There 
 
 Their 
 
 88 
 
 6 
 
 two 
 
 too 
 
 111 
 
 4 
 
 nobility 
 
 mobility 
 
 132 
 
 3 
 
 quai 
 
 guai 
 
 Note 81* forgotten, page 106. 
 This invocation of a Catholic saint by a Protestant, may startle the 
 reader ; but the worthy divine had probably an eye to Acre's " oath al- 
 lusive," and thought the patron of inquisitions (heterodox as he was) 
 "germain to the matter;" and so swore accordingly. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 FREELY IMITATED FROM HORACE, 
 
 ^00^7, Ode XII. 
 
 What man or hero * shall the Muse, 
 Among the prime ones of the Nation, 
 
 To patronize her Poem choose, 
 Fit subject for a Dedication? 
 
 What God/ the echo of whose name, 
 
 The proudest Whig to peace will tame ? 
 
 ^ Quern virum aut heroa, &c, 
 5 Quem Deum, &c. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Who'll stem the tide of Br — gh-m's debate/ 
 And hush the storm of B-rd-tt's hate ; 
 Or, by his jesting, or his fiddling/ 
 
 Long-ear 'd majorities will lead. 
 When H-me with salaries is piddling, 
 
 Or Van new taxes has decreed ? 
 Whom should she choose, but L-nd-nd-ry?' 
 
 Who o'er our Islands holds command. 
 From Dover, westward quite to Kerry, 
 
 And north to John-a-Groat's far land.^ 
 
 ' Rapidos morantem 
 
 Fluminum lapsus celeresque ventos. 
 
 ■* Auritas fidibus canoris 
 
 Ducere. 
 
 * Quid prius dicam solitis parentis 
 Laudibus. 
 
 " Qui res hominum ac deorum 
 
 Qui mare et terras, &c. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Great in the Senate, great in Treaties, 
 All Europe at his mighty feet is. 
 Sov'reign distributor of Places, 
 Of Pensions, Sinecures, and Graces; 
 The friend of Emperors and Kings, 
 Lord of all men and of all things ; 
 .A.nd (what our tongue is much the better for) 
 Great autocrat of words and metaphor. 
 Whene'er he can't effect by deed 
 
 The purpose nearest to his heart, 
 He takes to talking, in his need, 
 
 And works his way by subtlest art. 
 Not that, like Chatham, Fox, or Tuily, 
 He captivates each listening cully ; 
 No burst of light, no charm of diction. 
 Win or seduce us to conviction ; 
 But mazy periods, never ending. 
 Parentheses together blending^ 
 B 2 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 The stoutest intellects astound, — 
 The bright, the subtle, the profound. 
 Thus, by fatiguing, not amusing, 
 Not by convincing, but confusing, 
 He makes unanswerable speeches, 
 And all his wayward ends he reaches ; 
 And, while his auditors are dozing. 
 Tempers the world with hours "^ of prosing ; 
 Strikes Europe's balance with his tongue, 
 And rules the roast by force of lung. 
 'Tis this that justly marks his name. 
 The foremost in the lists of fame.^ 
 A greater man was ne'er begotten. 
 Since British boroughs first were rotten ', 
 
 "> Variisque mundum 
 
 Temperat horis. 
 * Unde nil majus generatur ipso 
 
 Nee viget quidquam simile aut secundum. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 His like on earth was never known ; 
 
 None e'er with second lustre shone. 
 
 When forced to sport their feeble ray 
 
 Within the sphere of C-stl-r-h. 
 
 As next in talent, next in rule 
 
 To our great chief,' Lord Liv-rp— 1, 
 
 The Muse shall not neglect to ask 
 
 Thy patronage to grace her task. 
 
 Oh ! let her pass from censure free, 
 
 Nor meddle with her currency j 
 
 And when you view her dire distresses, 
 
 Don't make bad worse, by hapless guesses 
 
 Lest, as when humming the poor farmers. 
 
 You made a speech (t' expose their case, 
 And put to silence all alarmers,) 
 
 You but expose — your own disgrace . 
 B 3 
 
 5 Proximos illi tamen occupavit 
 Pallas honores. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Next, in our list of Patrons rank. 
 My Muse, that marvellous Unthank, 
 Who, ag-ainst Cas once dared to mutter, 
 And quarrel'd with his bread and butter ; 
 Who deep remorseless hatred shewed 
 iVgainst the swinish multitude ; ^^ 
 And yet, to loyalty not faster. 
 Insulted too their Royal Master ! 
 Let friends and foes alike beware, 
 
 Nor cross the fiery youth, when hot, 
 Unless exempt from every fear 
 
 Of epigram, or pistol-shot." 
 
 '0 Saevis inimica virgo 
 
 Belluis. 
 
 " ' Metuende certa 
 
 Phoebe sagitta. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Next claim of AUsides ^- the support. 
 
 Who veers by turns to Whigs and Tories ; 
 Now for the Country, now the Court, 
 
 Who in eternal shiftings glories, — 
 The mighty Duke of b — ms, whose weight 
 Inclines to either side the state ; 
 Nor fail, in turn, to seek the quarters 
 Of t'other Duke ^^ of bombs and mortars. 
 To beg a share of that protection. 
 He lavished with so much affection. 
 On Louis, when, with force unknown. 
 He plump'd hin\ once more on his throne ;— 
 Producing that famed armistice,^'* 
 Which passes by the name of peace. 
 Nor yet go by the Doctor's door 
 (Though S-c-t-ry now no more), 
 B 4 
 
 '^^ Dicam et Alciden. 
 
 '^ — Puerosque Ledae. 
 
 ^* Concidunt venti, fugiuntque nubes. 
 
8 . DEDICATION. 
 
 Famed for his short administration. 
 
 And making up with Buonaparte ; 
 More famed for gagging the poor nation. 
 
 And writing " circulars "' so smart.^^ 
 Like plants close buried in the shade 
 Of some entangled murky glade. 
 Within the Admiralty's close bow'r, 
 Lay Lords in reputation soar ;^^ 
 Where Cr-k-r, like the Queen of Night, 
 Fairly outshines each minor light ^^ 
 
 ^* Quietum 
 
 Pompili regnum memorem, an superbos 
 Tarquini fasces. 
 
 ^^ Crescit occulto veliit arbor aevo 
 Fama Marcelli. 
 
 *7 — Micat inter omnes 
 
 Julium sidus, velut inter ignes 
 Luna minores. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 Then ask the suffrage of each ass, 
 
 Who studies state in Charing Cross 5 
 Nor by the Secretary pass. 
 
 Perhaps he'll in the bargain toss, 
 While resting from his labours nautical, 
 r th' Quarterly " a clever article." 
 But when youVe canvass'd all the Cabinet, 
 Put on a train of silk, or tabinet. 
 And, with these Patrons not contented. 
 Get to the K — himself presented. , 
 G — , to old G — the Th-d succeeding,*® 
 By praising you, will shew his breeding ; 
 A praise which you should prize the rather. 
 Because he far outshines his father. 
 
 Tu secundo 
 Caesare regnes. 
 
10 , DEDICATION. 
 
 Although for conquests fam'd in India, 
 O'er Hyder, Tippoo Saib, and Scindia/^ 
 And for preserving- from invasion 
 Of Frenchmen's politics the nation. 
 Still G — knocks under to his Son, 
 Since Waterloo's great fight was won. 
 And (since K-ngs grow renown'd in story, 
 By taking to themselves the glory 
 Of all their Gen'rals do in arms. 
 
 And all their Statesmen win by thinking. 
 While safe at home and free from harms. 
 
 They pass their lives in love or drinking; 
 Yet, when Dame Fortune turns her tail. 
 And Generals or Statesmen fail. 
 
 ^^ Ille seu Parthos Latio imminentes 
 Egerit justo domitos triumpho, 
 Sive subjectos Orientis orae 
 
 Seras et Indos : 
 
 ^ Te minor, &c. &c. 
 
DEDICATION. 1 1 
 
 The M-narch leaves the wretched elves 
 To bear th' entire blame themselves 5) 
 Great G — the Fourth, all must allow. 
 Wears brighter laurels on his brow : 
 For C-stler—- gh and W-U-ngton 
 Raised a French Monarch to his throne ; 
 While G— the Th-d and Mr. Pitt, 
 
 Amidst the revolution's shock. 
 Only contrived with all their wit 
 
 To bring their Ally to the block. 
 Our present G— made Europe wonder, 
 When he shook Flanders with his thunder f^ 
 He made great Dandy Sandy gloat 
 With envy on his wig and coat ; 
 But would you know his brightest deed, 
 What 'twas that made him K — indeed, 
 
 ®° Tu gravi curru quaties Olyrapum. " 
 
12 DEDICATION. 
 
 (The greatest K — that e'er was seen) 
 'Twas his chaste triumph o'er his Q — .^' 
 
 ^^ Tu parum castis inimica mittes 
 
 Fulmina lucis. 
 
THE MOHAWKS, 
 
 Ad studium fallendi studio qusestus vocabantur. 
 
 Cicero de lege Agrar. 
 
 I. 
 
 If e'er *twere thought that man was born to reason, 
 To vanquish ignorance, and spurn at lies. 
 
 That dogma, now grown stale and out of season, 
 Is laugh'd at by the simple and the wise. 
 
 Truth, truth's alone the pregnant cause of treason. 
 The rude relaxer of all " dearer ties ;" 
 
 Spring of sedition, riot, and disorder, 
 
 And foe to Kings, and Priests, and '^ social order." — 
 
14 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 IL 
 
 Ope where you will the babbling page of history/ 
 You'll find that truth has mostly been '^ suspected ;" 
 
 Churchmen abandon'd it to set up mystery 
 (A trick for centuries by few detected) : 
 
 And though with certain truths they still will pester ye. 
 Complaining bitterly that they 're neglected ; 
 
 Yet louder they cry out, if for one moment, 
 
 Those truths you dare to scan — without a comment. 
 
 III. 
 
 Truth from the Court was driven by servility,' 
 Truth in the City's deem'd old Traffic's foe ; 
 
 The lawyers found Truth's legal disability, 
 And banish'd it their pleadings long ago :^ 
 
 Diplomatists, to prove their great ability, 
 Disdain of truth in all state matters shew ; 
 
 While Judges, conscious Ministers to please, 
 
 Fine and imprison it for breach of peace."^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 15 
 
 IV. 
 
 Truth's a horse medicine, — and for man's use 
 Too rough and potent ; e'en a moderate dose, 
 
 The nation's brains, like opium, will confuse, 
 
 And wring its nerves with most convulsive throes. 
 
 Diluted with much popular abuse. 
 The smallest grain's enough to " stink i' th' nose." 
 
 Therefore wise Statesmen watch o'er the supplies. 
 
 And curb the import by a strict excise. 
 
 V. 
 Whoe'er has seen a juggler's slight-of-hand. 
 
 And mark'd the country folks' admiring faces. 
 Must know, the less the fellows understand. 
 
 With more delight they throng to fill his places : 
 So those, o'er nations who would hold command. 
 
 Find that deception ev'ry art embraces ; 
 Hence the sound maxim, drawn from human nature, 
 
 *^ Si vulgus decipi vult — decipiatur ."" 
 
16 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 VI. 
 
 When earth was young, e'er by a curious wife 
 Tempted — seduc'd, unhappy Adam fell, 
 
 (In our times, when the dev^l would breed a strife, 
 He finds our neighbour's spouse a surer spell^) 
 
 While yet man led a good, though dullish life, 
 And things in Paradise went passing well. 
 
 All arts unknown, all science uninvented. 
 
 He throve most ignorant and most contented. 
 
 VII. 
 
 But when his " ever new delight^' grew prying, 
 The devil saw some scope for an adventure ; 
 
 Guessing the temper of her sex complying. 
 He urged her on forbidden fruit to venture. 
 
 Too well the miscreant triumph' d in his lying. 
 For Adam and his wife broke their indenture, — 
 
 And brought upon mankind all sorts of ill, 
 
 War, taxes, tithes. Jack Ketch, the doctor's pill. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 17 
 
 VIII. 
 
 The moral hidden in this ancient tale* 
 
 Needs not a forced and learned exposition ? 
 
 The reader must discover without fail 
 
 That knowledge is the engine of perdition | 
 
 That wit and wisdom tend but to a jail ; 
 
 That faith can't thrive without an Inquisition ; 
 
 That free inquiry into sin seduces^ 
 
 And thinking is the worst of all abuses. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Ah ! sure that mortal was the Prince of Fools, 
 Who, bent upon a monstrous innovation. 
 
 Wilful and rash, first hit on Sunday Schools, 
 And made on " ancient night" a fell invasion ; 
 
 'Twas this departure from all antique rules 
 That gave, to read Hone's trash, the dire occasion! 
 
 England's declined since peasants learn'd to spell^ 
 
 And treason siick from Lancaster and Bell, 
 
18 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 X. 
 
 But still more curs'd the German, who invented 
 The Press— dire enemy to Church and State ! 
 
 That teaches nations to be discontented^ 
 And makes them Ministers and Taxes hate ; 
 
 Filling the artisans, where not prevented, 
 With radical, blasphemous, impious, prate ; 
 
 Which renders useless all our best intentions, 
 
 Our spies, jails, gibbets, sinecures and pensions. 
 
 XL 
 
 When few by gallows-verse ^ were saved a caper, 
 
 And greatest Princes only made their mark ; 
 When knives and tallies served for ink and paper. 
 
 And all look'd up with reverence to a clerk ; 
 When priests alone outwatch'd the midnight taper. 
 
 To keep the people more completely dark. 
 Then triumphed in their might the sacred few. 
 And unrestrained, whate'er they pleased might do. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 19 
 
 XII. 
 
 Uncontradicted, Mother Church might tell 
 (And gain belief from all), her wond'rous story ; 
 
 Uncheck'd, uncensur'd, worthless relics sell, 
 And drive a pretty trade in purgatory ; 
 
 By nought disturbed, save her own " sacring bell,"'^ 
 In dozing day-dreams contemplate her glory ; 
 
 Mistress to rule men's fortunes and their lives. 
 
 Their time, thoughts, actions, secrets, and their wives. 
 
 XIIL 
 Then, uncontrolled by general opinion. 
 
 Kings rui'd exempt from ev'ry tie of law ; 
 Loaded with wealth each male or female minion, 
 
 Fined, flogg'd, imprison'd, banishM for a straw 
 Whene'er against their wives they had a guignon. 
 
 Sent their heads spinning, like a schoolboy's taw ^ 
 And if the people grudg'd at these vexations, 
 Obtain'd most profitable confiscations, 
 c 2 
 
20 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Not then, as now, when in their full career 
 
 Of pleasure or revenge, they paus'd and doubted : 
 
 Of no vile newspaper they stood in fear. 
 Nor by a City Orator were flouted. 
 
 No mob then dared discarded Queens to cheer, 
 O'er a non-suited King they never shouted ; 
 
 Nor dared a poet on his person fix. 
 
 And write him — '^ fledged and wing'd at fifty-six."* 
 
 XV. 
 
 Then, safe within his high embattled wall. 
 Or sconsed, like lobster, in his scaly armour, 
 
 On his estate, as sov'reign lord of all, 
 
 The feudal Baron taxed and starved the Farmer -, 
 
 Forced him to follow on each idle call. 
 To fight, when furious, and to work, when calmer 
 
 A gibbet on the frontier mark'd his sway. 
 
 And frightened ev'ry — honest man away. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 21 
 
 XVI. 
 
 To thieves and cut-throats 'twas a well-known sign, 
 A guide-post to the general rendezvous. 
 
 Where they might perpetrate each fell design, 
 Rob for themselves, and for the Baron too.* 
 
 To peasants, 'twas a token to resign 
 
 Their cash, withholding not the smallest due : 
 
 No tenant dare be slack in his solution. 
 
 Where landlords take the neck in execution. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Each feudal right 'twere tedious to mention, 
 Fve seen a list that occupied some pages : ^"^ 
 
 Some that are past the quickest comprehension 
 Of our most learned antiquarian sages ; 
 
 Some so absurd, they seem almost invention. 
 
 Yet were maintained thro' " long succeeding ages;" 
 
 Rev' rend abuses of those good old times. 
 
 Which loyal poets boast of in their rhymes 
 
 c 3 
 
22 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Thus, when a chieftain's wife was in the straw. 
 Lest the young heir might suffer by a fright, 
 
 To keep his Lordship's frogs in silent awe, 
 The vassals beat his ponds the live-long night ; " 
 
 While in return (for fair and fair's good law) 
 The lord avail'd him of another right. 
 
 Not to be told by Muse of chaste demeanor, 
 
 But caird in joking France — Le droit de Seigneur, '^ 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Now, if my Lord should venture to be civil. 
 And ask a favour of a tenant's mate, 
 
 The farmer roars and rages like the devil, 
 Infuriate butting with his antler'd pate. 
 
 Juries of cuckolds estimate the evil. 
 
 And bills of costs, though taxed, are ever great; 
 
 But if he's rude^ and offers to assault her. 
 
 Like a plebeian brute he meets a halter. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 23 
 
 XX. 
 
 Oh ! those were glorious times ! the lordly Bishop, 
 Arm'dwith the double sword of earth and heaven,*' 
 
 BackM any claim his fertile mind could dish up. 
 And with a troop of horse made matters even. 
 
 Like bold St. Peter, ^"^ (when no more he'd fish up 
 His nets,) to fighting as to preaching given, 
 
 He smote his enemies without compunction. 
 
 And, having floor'd them, gave them extreme unction. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 True, in these holy times some slight vexation 
 Occasionally blighted high born pleasures ; 
 
 A Bishop sometimes, by assassination. 
 Disturbed a brother Bishop's best laid measures 5 
 
 Kings, too, were sometimes cut off, when the nation 
 Found them more free than welcome with its 
 treasures ; 
 
 And Barons often got an ugly knock, 
 
 Or left their heads on the King's chopping-block. 
 
24 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 True, in these holy times, the lands, laid waste. 
 And ravaged in the royal game of war, '' 
 
 To yield a harvest were in no great haste, 
 And good provisions often were by far 
 
 Too scarce, which caused involuntary fast ; 
 And pestilence, you know, where famines are 
 
 Soon follows ;— now-a-days, 'tis call'd the typhus. 
 
 Which will of lords as well as churls deprive us. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 The plague, in tmth*s a plaguy had disease. 
 Tainting alike the peasant and the peer ; 
 
 On Kings and Queens, maugre their crowns,'twill seize. 
 And of a royal guardsman knows no fear. 
 
 Of palace and of hut with equal ease 
 
 Knocks at the gate, *^ nor lends a patient ear 
 
 To a Crown counsel's novelties in law. 
 
 Or to the rev'rend Churchman's wisest saw. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 25 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 These were slight drawbacks 5 but the aristocracy 
 Still found a mighty pleasant game to play, 
 
 Lording it bravely over the democracy. 
 
 They caged and gagg'd who dared but doubt their 
 sway ; 
 
 If to resist there lived a madman so crazy, 
 Full soon the piper was he made to pay : — 
 
 To silence him some Sheriff had commission. 
 
 Or he was roasted by the Inquisition. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 No wonder then they saw with evil eye 
 The changes which succeeding ages knew ; 
 
 And many strange expedients should try 
 To keep the people in allegiance true, 
 
 Who, to secure a finger in the pye. 
 Sported opinions perilous as new ; 
 
 But long they guessM not whence the storm was 
 coming. 
 
 Destined to blow their hectoring and humming. 
 
26 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Oh ! Westminster, within thy cloister'd abbey 
 Caxton in England first set up a press ; 
 
 And our best Kings have shewn themselves not shabby 
 When caird a zeal for learning to express ; 
 
 Little they dream*d the imp they nursed^ so crabby. 
 Should cause their children's children such distress. 
 
 Else, like wise Austria, they'd restrain'd all breeding 
 
 To the mere bounds of writing and of reading.*^ 
 
 XXVII. 
 First there came Luther to disturb their rest. 
 
 Intent upon religion and — his spouse ; 
 Next Cromwell fanatized from east to west, 
 
 Cashier'd the monarch, and the upper house ; 
 While wand'ring Charles, neglected and distressed, ** 
 
 More than half starved, fared worse than a church 
 mouse. 
 Next James the Second, that most zealous ass, 
 Barter'd three goodly kingdoms for a mass.*** 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 27 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 The license of the Press, at this most critical 
 Juncture, brought Nassau, — then, the House of 
 Hanover ; 
 
 By publications anti-jacobitical 
 
 Seduced the people to a wicked plan over, 
 
 Filling their brains with many new political 
 Doctrines, while James to Louis boldly ran over, 
 
 And a most trait'rous impious convention ^*^ 
 
 Dismissed him from his place, without a pension. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Oh ! had not Satan first invented letters. 
 Casting his type with Hell-concocted lead. 
 
 The people ne'er had quarrel'd with their betters. 
 Nor with seditious science fiird their head. 
 
 Bacon and Locke (of heresy abettors). 
 
 And Newton many dang'rous tenets spread ; 
 
 While Harvey, when he traced the circulation, 
 
 Set the pulse galloping of half the nation. 
 
28 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 Old Torricelli's vacuum doubtless taught 
 
 Certain discoveries in physiology. 
 Which royal heads in bad repute have brought ; 
 
 And Galileo's tube spoil'd much theology/^ 
 Inspiring doubts, like those by Tom Paine sought. 
 
 So ahly cleared in Watson's fam'd Apology ; 
 While Franklin's rods robb'd heav'n of its thunder. 
 And cured the people of much wholesome wonder. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 Certes, 'twas Franklin's skill in electricity 
 Seduced the Bostoners to tar th' exciseman ; 
 
 And made Lord North commit a multiplicity 
 Of errors, proving he was not a wise man ; 
 
 Franklin, a perfect monster of duplicity ! 
 Who first wrote books, to treason to entice man, 
 
 And then, least his M. S. should lie on shelf. 
 
 The double traitor — printed them himself. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 29 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 So, in old France, before the revolution. 
 That arch, convicted heretic, Rousseau, 
 
 Threw its finances into much confusion. 
 
 Whence ills, like waves on waves, incessant flow. 
 
 He practised on the King ^^ by such illusion. 
 As made his moral character so so 5 
 
 'Twas reading Julie set the people starving. 
 
 And hunger set them for themselves a carving. 
 
 23 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 So, in old France, the Priests refused to pay 
 Tax to the state, which made the people stare ; 
 
 The Nobles also chose to run away. 
 
 Leaving the King of friends and money bare ; 
 
 And all this mischief certain wiseheads say 
 Was brought upon the country by Voltaire. 
 
 Thus, now, when rents are low and farmers mob it. 
 
 Our English statesmen lay the blame to Cobbett. 
 
30 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 'Twas Voltaire brought about the coalition, 
 And march'd the Duke of Brunswick into France ; 
 
 Rousseaii at Coblentz wrought the King's perdition, 
 By promising on Paris to advance ; 
 
 Voltaire, that sanguinary politician. 
 At Jemappe led the Germans a sad dance ; 
 
 Twas he roused Robespierre to murd'rous passion. 
 
 And Rousseau wrote the guillotine in fashion. 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 But, as I said, it was the traitor Franklin 
 Seduced the Yankees to kick up a row ; 
 
 And France (a fact with Englishmen long rankling) 
 Joined in the fray ; — for which it suffers now. 
 
 For Frenchmen, when the English they'd done man- 
 gling. 
 Came home, the deniocratic seed to sow. 
 
 The blow which kill'd their King (a deed not very gay), 
 
 Was struck — such is man's foresight — in America. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 31 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 This, in due time, callM forth a Bonaparte 
 To triumph o'er the democrats, and reign 
 
 In spite of all our ministerial party, 
 Although we beat the Frenchmen out of Spain. 
 
 Millions were spent— for still John Bull was hearty 
 (He will not quickly be so stout again) ; 
 
 This made the debt — the debt on landlords presses, 
 
 And landlords puzzle Van with their distresses. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 V^hat great effects from little causes spring ! 
 
 As consequence on consequence arises ; 
 Some trifling fault makes many a felon swing, 
 
 Which, early checkM, had spared him the assizes. 
 So all the ills, of which we feel the sting, 
 
 (Ills which the minister in vain disguises). 
 Wars, revolutions, the finances' ruin. 
 Are one and all — a Printer's Devil's brewing. 
 
32 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 Oh ! had it pleased Heav'n*s providence to make 
 The swinish piultitude without their eyes ; 
 
 Or given eyes only to those few, who take 
 A bribe, to act the useful part of spies ; 
 
 The rest like moles left blind, their shins to break ; 
 Then had the great, secure from a surprize. 
 
 Not fear'd a revolutionary crash 
 
 From Hunt's Examiner, or penny trash. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 I can't help thinking what a sweet collection 
 Of books had then been printed, for the use 
 
 Of those quintessences of all perfection 
 The great, so very difficult t' amuse, — 
 
 Sland'rous memoirs, to lie without detection, 
 Verses like those which flow from Th — 's muse, 
 
 The cream of good Lord L-nd-n-ry's speeches, 
 
 Or W-lb-rf-ce's intellectual riches. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 33 
 
 XL. 
 
 The Morning Post had still supplied us news, 
 The Courier still had ruled the afternoon ; 
 
 (There'd been no need of Quarterly Reviews, 
 Where authors were all set to the right tune ; 
 
 '^ John Buir* might then have rested in the stews. 
 From which it came, for its own friends too soon. 
 
 Despised, disown'd, while its poor men of straw 
 
 Suffer vicariously the scourge of law). 
 
 XLI. 
 
 Then, twice as lengthy, almost twice as dull, 
 If that were possible, his laureate strains 
 
 S — thy had pour'd, whene'er the moon was full, 
 And gain'd another pension for his pains,^"^ 
 
 But C— ly with a somewhat thicker scull. 
 Had still contented been with smaller gains ; 
 
 While G — ff— d, lacking subjects for his hate. 
 
 Had stung himself, and met the scorpion's fate. 
 
34 THE MQHAWKS. 
 
 XLII. 
 
 Those tomes^ whose sale we're told is so immensej 
 Indited by the fluent muse of Waverly, 
 
 Where pure description holds the place of sense. 
 And ghosts and warlocks visit us so neighbourly,- 
 
 Where Whigs to malice ever are prepense, 
 And Tories preach their abject creed so cleverly. 
 
 Might still have had their vogue : spite of abusing, 
 
 We needs must own the novels are amusing. 
 
 XLIII. 
 Yes, to the heav'n-born few these works are level, 
 
 Guiltless of moral, quite devoid of thinking ; 
 Save when they teach a credence in the devil, 
 
 Or vaunt the virtues of excessive drinking. 
 Their maudlin heroes, neither good nor evil. 
 
 Are pretty models of the art of sinking ; 
 Infirm of purpose, into nothings tamed, 
 They'd never make the merest lord ashamed. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 35 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 Not so Childe Harold, — he no place should find 
 
 Among the race of wits aristocratic ; 
 His daring, deep intensity of mind, . 
 
 Has something in it much too democratic ; 
 Quite diiF'rent from those intellects refined, 
 
 So polish'd, so demure, so sweet, so attic, 
 Which rouse no fire, with no strong feeling tease, 
 '^ The mob of gentlemen, ivho write with ease." 
 
 XLV. 
 
 Byron, there are, who think some strange anomaly, 
 Fitted thy head upon a Noble's shoulders ; 
 
 Just as if that of poor Sir Samuel Romilly 
 On L-v-p-1's were fixed to pose beholders ; 
 
 Or just as if a drawling, stale, dry homily, 
 Which on the shelf in some old College moulders. 
 
 Were, by the magic of Sir Humphry's lore, 
 
 Amalgamated with the wit of Moore. 
 D 2 
 
36 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XLVL 
 
 Yet^ thanks to England's home-bred institutions. 
 
 The case is not so absolutely new ; 
 Our nobles cross their breed ; — their constitutions 
 
 Are not so purely noble : — hence a few. 
 Breaking the sphere of pride and wealth's illusions, 
 
 Like meteors in night's ebon concave shew — 
 Besides, — their being obliged to speak i' th' House, 
 Draws forth, if they possess it, all their voug. 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 Maugre our Bishops' decency and gravity, 
 And certain Law-Lords' rather tiresome prosing, 
 
 Maugre each well-bred Noble's unmov'd suavity. 
 Which calms too much the jaded mind to dozing 5 
 
 Maugre that ton, which censures as depravity. 
 The speech, too much of light or heat disclosing : 
 
 Still Britain boasts a few of noble name. 
 
 Whom freedom, genius, worth, and wisdom claim. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 37 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 Grey, Holland^ Lansdowne,^* would to heav'n that Fate 
 Had given you less brains, or else less blood ; 
 
 So, undisturbed, the dullness of debate. 
 Unruffled, had preserved its drowsy flood, 
 
 Save when some College coxcomb's maiden prate 
 Call'd forth the wonder of each " noble Lud," — 
 
 Or when the Ch-nc-ll-r*s infectious weeping 
 
 Roused up the rev' rend Bishops from their sleeping. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Enough of Nobles,— of the books they write, — 
 Enough too of the books they 're fond of reading : 
 
 Urged by the pleasing theme, I've wander'd quite 
 Beyond all decent bounds, — digression leading 
 
 Still to digression :— like some errant knight 
 
 Who strays through forests, meat and drink not 
 needing ; 
 
 Or like V-ns-tt-rt, talking on finance,^ — 
 
 Or thy invectives, Ch-u-vix, on France.'^^ 
 
 D 3 
 
38 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 L. 
 
 Return we now our too discursive pen 
 
 Back to the subject we*ve so long forgotten; — 
 
 The Press (as we were telling you, Sir^ when 
 We were by something a new scent thus put on). 
 
 The Press has made a furious change in men. 
 Our ancestors we don*t regard a button ; 
 
 Losing our dullness, gravity, and schoolishness. 
 
 We deem their wisdom little more than foolishness. 
 
 LI. 
 
 We can't conceive, in this age, the vast merit 
 
 Of being born to title and estate ; 
 For virtue, wit, and courage men inherit 
 
 But seldom ; and 'tis certainly more great 
 To earn distinction by our sense and spirit,^^ 
 
 Than to receive it at the hands of Fate ; 
 Though, through a pedigree of noble blood, 
 Derived from ev'rv Baron since the Flood.^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 39 
 
 Lll. 
 
 Nor do we think, as wise men thought of yore, 
 The people fixtures, parcel of the land ; 
 
 But deem, in spite of lawyers' antique lore. 
 The soil for man was made at heav'n's command. 
 
 Hence sprung that doctrine (to all ills a door), 
 That Kings committed to their people stand. 
 
 First Magistrates a nation's laws to keep, 
 
 And not the masters of a flock of sheep. 
 
 Lin. 
 
 'Tis marvellous how great's the education 
 Derived from newspapers and magazines ; 
 
 What lots of facts are spread throughout the nation, 
 From which the dullest ideot something gleans. 
 
 Their Editors, in my imagination, 
 Like brokers operate upon our means. 
 
 Those help the public mind in abstruse cases. 
 
 By giving change for thoughts, as these for ^^ Hases" 
 
 D 4 
 
40 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LIV. 
 'Tis very much the fashion to revile 
 
 The smaller journals, and to call them "trash," 
 Because they^re not too polishM in their style, 
 
 And love at Kings and Ministers to slash. 
 (Though they shew infinitely less of bile 
 
 Than their more loyal rivals, when they lash). 
 Yet this same trash, when ev'ry thing is said, 
 Hits frequently the right nail on the head. 
 
 LV. 
 
 Compare the most ill-managed Sunday paper. 
 That fills our " rude mechanicals" with rage ; 
 
 For argument and sense, with Dean Swift's draper,'^^ 
 Or the best pamphlets of a former age. 
 
 (Howe'er Attornies-General may vapour. 
 Or Judges fume, like mountebanks on stage. 
 
 At its perverse and wicked capability). 
 
 You needs must own 'tis written with ability. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 41 
 
 LVI. 
 
 Cobbett of Gaffer Gooch makes curious fun^ 
 
 His "Gridi'on" frightenM Jews and money-lenders ; 
 
 And Hunt's Examiner is apt to run 
 Successfully a- tilt 'gainst all offenders. 
 
 The ^^ Slap at Slop" a victory has won, 
 
 From L-nd-nd-r-y's hireling, fee'd defenders ; 
 
 And there are highborn faces that look sadder. 
 
 When hoisted on Hone's matrimonial ladder.^ 
 
 LVII. 
 
 Cobbett, vile rogue, whom law's restraints can't teach 
 To treat the Powers that be, with due respect ; 
 
 Cobbett will criticise a royal speech. 
 
 And loves its faults in grammar to detect ; 
 
 Sticks to his prey as eager as a leech. 
 Anxious to jibe, and bitter to reflect ; 
 
 St — t, St-dd-rt, G-ff-d, Cr-k-r, how he'd distance ye, 
 
 But that the fitful fellow wants consistency. 
 
42 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LVIII. 
 
 Each day, week, month, and quarter, in collision 
 With all the Tory phalanx of inditers ; 
 
 Now holding up a blockhead to derision. 
 
 And now contending with their abler writers, 
 
 These journals force e'en mobs with some precision 
 To judge between them, as between prize fighters ; 
 
 And thus the rascals pick up sundry notions. 
 
 As parsons tell us, pregnant with commotions :— 
 
 LIX. 
 
 Now on the Paper System some shrewd guesses. 
 And novv^, a thought or two about the Trinity ; 
 
 A stray idea on country folks distresses. 
 Or on our Bishops' Church-and-State divinity j 
 
 Now pithy arguments for their addresses. 
 Or on the laws of conjugal affinity. 
 
 Doubts on immense Taxation's vast utility f^ 
 
 Or hints upon the Sinking Fund's futility.^* 
 
THE MOHAWKS, 43 
 
 LX. 
 
 But, worst of all, they've set the people storming 
 'Gainst rotten boroughs and intriguing p— rs ; 
 
 Made them adopt the fashion of reforming, 
 Unmov'd by W-rtl-y's wrath, or C-nn-ng's jeers ; 
 
 At public meetings in great numbers swarming, 
 C-rtwr — t and H— t they greet with rapt'rous cheers ; 
 
 While not a traitor of the whole remembers 
 
 That rotten boroughs send the best of Members. 
 
 LXI. 
 
 Corruption, British Statesmen all agree. 
 Serves in the national machine as grease. 
 
 Keeps the wheels going, all their motions free. 
 And makes the springs and levers act with ease. 
 
 Corruption offers to each heart a key, 
 Gives force in war and dignity in peace : 
 
 Assists the Minister in all he's planning 
 
 And purchases the aid of Mr. C-nn-g, 
 
44 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXII. 
 
 Without Corruption, there may he some douht, 
 That C-nn-g ne'er had found his way to Lisbon/^ 
 
 By honest Ministers from home sent out, 
 
 Charged with the health of her, the hone of his bone. 
 . Sent out, they cry, who choose to make a rout. 
 For nothing ! — which, indeed, were not amiss done; 
 
 But, on inquiry, 'twill, I think, be found 
 
 He went for — about fifteen thousand pound ! 
 
 LXIII. 
 
 I vow to heav'n ; men too much undervalue 
 That useful art in states, the art of joking f^ 
 Grave, rev'rend blockheads ^^ are too apt to call you 
 
 All sorts of names, their own mere dullness cloaking, 
 (It's very well if they don't sometimes maul you. 
 
 Should you but clap a solitary joke in.) 
 But Ministers know better. In their need 
 They find the friend who jokes, a friend indeed ! 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 45 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 When they behold themselves in a quandary. 
 Without a stale pretext to cloak their tricks, 
 
 'Tis a sound rule^ from which they seldom vary. 
 To sport a mountebank, men's minds to fix ; 
 
 To cheer the dogged, to mislead the wary. 
 And hit the Opposition a few licks : 
 
 Thus, when you read '' The H^se convulsed with 
 laughter," 
 
 It's odds some desp'rate vote will follow after. 
 
 LXV. > 
 
 Hence 'tis not strange the people should detest, 
 C-nn-g, to hear you in your mood so gay ; 
 
 Since they have learn'd to know, whene'er you jest, 
 Pilgarlick for the merriment must pay. 
 
 Like the poor frogs, they cannot find a zest 
 In being pelted, though it be in play j 
 
 And you yourself may live t' approve the rules. 
 
 Which teach how ill 'tis jesting with edged tools. 
 
46 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXVI. 
 
 Without corruption never could the war 
 Have found so great and glorious a conclusion ; 
 
 High in the east Legitimacy's star, 
 King Louis Octroyant a constitution. 
 
 Confederate Monarchs close allied, to mar 
 Their subjects' dispositions to confusion, 
 
 While their deep Ministers, as sly as foxes^ 
 
 Make interchange of kingdoms and — snuff boxes. 
 
 LXVIL 
 
 Without corruption, ne'er* had been invented 
 That basis of an equal-balanc'd power. 
 
 Where Monarchs to each other stand indented. 
 And kingdoms flank to kingdoms, just like tow'r. 
 
 Bastion, and barbican ; while thus, prevented. 
 None hut the strongest can the rest devour ; 
 
 By ames and demia?nes the world's divided. 
 
 Least it should navigate the heavens lop-sided. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 4/ 
 
 LXVIII. 
 
 By this most wise and permanent arrangement 
 
 [Humano capiti cervic* eguinam) 
 The map of Europe's suffer'd some derangement, 
 
 Where states discordant into one entwine*m ; 
 Where ancient brethren, by a wide estrangement, 
 
 Join distant realms— as congresses assign 'em. 
 Thus was the general work of restoration 
 Made perfect by a gen'ral innovation.^^ 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 But, to confine more close to home our views. 
 Without corruption Ministers might want 
 
 The Gr-nvl-s' weighty aid,^^ who aye refuse 
 To join that cause whose patronage is scant. 
 
 Wide in the sea of politics they cruize, 
 As interest guides, with either side they haunt. 
 
 Tory or Whig — no matter which the case is, 
 
 Like Aristippus ^^ still they're in their places. 
 
48 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXX. 
 
 When gold was high, and paper a mere drug, 
 Corruption voted that a note and shilUng 
 
 Were worth a guinea ; — Jacobins might shrug, 
 But loyal pensioners w^ere vei"y walling 
 
 To take these substitutes for the King's mug, 
 Their pockets on the public credit filling. 
 
 Just so it voted that the state's convulsion, 
 
 Was but '^ from war to peace, a slight revulsion." 
 
 LXXI. 
 
 Corruption sold the Irish independency. 
 While votes were bought like porkers in a stall ; 
 
 Corruption raised the Protestant ascendancy, ^^ 
 Which raised rebellion and the devil and all ; 
 
 Corruption raised taxation (in dependency 
 Raising both tithes and rents which farmers gall) 
 
 This raised a clamorous threatening of knocks, 
 
 Which raised but little, I should think, the stocks. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 49 
 
 LXXII. 
 
 Corruption raised in time of peace the army. 
 But found it difficult to raise the wind ; 
 
 Therefore it raises false reports t' alarm ye. 
 And, to submission, tame the public mind ; 
 
 With tales of radicals prepared to harm ye, 
 It raises fears which all your senses bind ; 
 
 News of the spreading of some strange new heresy. 
 
 Or else, perhaps, a Cato Street conspiracy. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 
 Thus have I provM to general satisfaction, 
 
 Corruption forms a ^' feature fundamental" 
 Of th' English system : — 'tis the merest faction 
 
 To cry it down as being detrimental ; 
 For this reform, which has such strange attraction 
 
 For pseudo-patriots, when they're sentimental. 
 Would make so large a hole i' th' Constitution, 
 
 That 'twould be evidently revolution ; 
 
50 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXXIV. 
 
 And therefore, to return back to my thesis, 
 Down with the Habeas ! up with the Six Acts ! 
 
 No more let each man write just as he pleases ; 
 Suppress opinions, and remodel facts ; 
 
 Whene'er a pamphleteer or newsman teazes, 
 Bring down th* Attorney General on their tracts ; 
 
 And should all other modes to punish fail ye. 
 
 Force them to hear a speech from Justice B-l-y.^^ 
 
 LXXV. 
 
 Nothing's so clear as, what at first I hinted. 
 That unrestricted truth is full of danger ; 
 
 The mind of man requires to be well stinted. 
 Too prone to wander, an unlicensed ranger, 
 
 Throughout the universe : and when he 's printed 
 (For in his thoughts he is no dog in manger) 
 
 The wild vagaries which he calls philosophy. 
 
 He fills the people w^ith his own morosophy. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 51 
 
 LXXVI. 
 
 Balaam, according to the Scripture tale, 
 
 Was sadly puzzled by a talking Ass ; 
 Well might the prophet's noble spirit quail. 
 
 Though in our times 'tis a more common case. 
 The Ass, I think, did wiser to turn tail. 
 
 Than Rome's gull'd Consuls in the Caudine pass. 
 True, he saved Balaam's life by what he said. 
 But then 'tis pleasanter to be obey'd. 
 
 LXXVII. 
 
 Well may we judge from such a fair example. 
 How ill with our intentions it would suit. 
 
 If Nature, in her precious gifts too ample. 
 
 Had granted speech and reason to each brute ; 
 
 If horses (just by way of a slight sample) 
 Should hint 'tis wholesomer to go on foot. 
 
 For sure our pleasures it would much disparage. 
 
 If they harangued, when they should draw the carriage, 
 
 E 2 
 
62 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXXVIIL 
 
 Think, if the ox, when he should go to plough, 
 Should stipulate for so much oats and barley ! 
 
 Think, when you took her farrow, if the sow 
 Should flatly tell you, you don't use her fairly ! 
 
 Or if your dogs, when flogg'd, should make a row. 
 And tip it you in Baralipton rarely ! 
 
 In this case man might tremble, I suppose, 
 
 Lest they should soon proceed from words to blows. 
 
 LXXIX. 
 
 Hence, though they talk so well in iEsop's fables, 
 Giving us morsels of such choice morality, 
 
 I think it more convenient that, in stables. 
 Our horses should preserve the useful quality 
 
 Of dumbness ; since their master it enables 
 To do without the troublesome formality 
 
 Of gagging the poor beasts : a kick o' th' side 
 
 Serves just as well as speech, when we would ride. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 53 
 
 LXXX. 
 
 Now this same argument, in greater force. 
 Applies to Government ; but since the rabble, 
 
 Like men of more nobility, discourse, 
 
 (By Providence allow'd, alas ! to squabble. 
 
 To find in reason's treach'rous light resource. 
 
 Of '' laws," " equality,*' and " rights" to babble :) 
 
 No course remains, to save a state from sinking. 
 
 But passing laws to keep the poor from thinking. 
 
 LXXXL 
 
 Ye statesmen, would ye have the people tame, 
 Patient to bear much work, and empty belly. 
 
 In ev'ry hardship and restraint the same 
 As if they fed on oysters, eggs, and jelly, 
 
 Be sure you suiFer nobody to name 
 
 Such naughty books as those of Percy Shelley, 
 
 Paine, Byron, Bentham, Burdon, Ensor, Hone,'*® 
 
 Volney, Voltaire, or Chenier — no not one. 
 
 E 3 
 
S4 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 Don't let them read a word that Gibbon wrote. 
 Nor Fox's fragment ; don't let them be peeping 
 
 In Hume on Miracles ; nor let them gloat 
 O'er Rousseau'sContractj-that'squiteoutof keeping. 
 
 In short, admit no book that's worth a groat, 
 But only such as set the reader sleeping. 
 
 Print ncAV editions of worn-out theology, 
 
 And drag once more to daylight old astrology. 
 
 LXXXIII. 
 
 The danger we incur from too much light. 
 Is not in these our times a new discovery ; 
 
 In earliest days it was a maxim trite. 
 
 Long e'er reforming mobs began to bother ye : 
 
 Though in our age we've carried to their height 
 The means from too much reason to recover ye, 
 
 The dread of thinkers is no innovation. 
 
 But, as I said, began with the creation. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 55 
 
 LXXXIV. 
 
 All must allow the case is too provoking 
 To find one's- self weigh'd down by argument^ 
 
 Or to endure a sly opponent's joking, 
 And be like schoolboy, to one's lesson sent. 
 
 'Tis difficult one's malice to be cloaking, 
 And look calm dignity, when harshly shent. 
 
 Instead of answering a book that blames, 
 
 ^Tis easier to commit it to the flames. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 This practice much prevail'd in former times,'*^ 
 Tiberius chasten'd thus fair Clio's pages,^'^ 
 
 Because not complaisant to great men's crimes ; 
 But Christian priests in more enlighten'd ages 
 
 Grown wise, condemned the poet with his rhymes/^ 
 And with their dang'rous tenets grill'd the sages. 
 
 To burn his book an author feels a bore, — 
 
 But burn himself, you'll hurt his feelings more. 
 
 E 4 
 
56 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 
 But now-a-days, since printing was invented. 
 Authors, alas ! have grown so very numerous, 
 
 Their crimes are not so easily prevented. 
 
 Which makes the scoundrels finical and humorous. 
 
 They rule opinion now, nor are contented 
 In these our roasting fantasies to humour us ; 
 
 While burning books improves not our condition. 
 
 Since it but serves to pufF a new edition. 
 
 LXXXVIl. 
 
 Although times change, yet man remains the same. 
 His appetites and passions never vary : 
 
 Thus politicians still play the same game. 
 
 And still watch truth with jealous eye so wary. 
 
 But other methods they employ to tame, 
 Compeird of human life to be more chary. 
 
 In France the Censor keeps the journals quiet 5 
 
 None but the Government Gazettes run riot. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 57 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 
 At home, weVe not arrived at this perfection, 
 Though by enormous strides we're fast approaching, 
 
 Still have we some good means to curb affection, 
 And moderate a pamphleteer's reproaching. 
 
 The law of libel circumscribes th' infection 
 Of ticklish truths, when "on the peace" encroaching. 
 
 That truth 's a libel puzzles soundest moralists, 
 
 But lawyers make it daily good on journalists. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 Libel, bless' d term ! of such choice ambiguity. 
 Its ev'ry thing, or nothing, as you please. 
 
 To our Crown Lawyers 'tis a snug annuity. 
 Source inexhaustible of coming fees ; 
 
 While each conflicting judgment's incongruity 
 Gives scope to sconce the printer with more ease ; 
 
 The pater might for blasphemy be fined,^ 
 
 And he who prints the decalogue confined. 
 
58 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XC. 
 
 How hard the fate, and how unjust to merit. 
 That he (whose truly legal stupefaction 
 First had the vast profundity to ferret 
 
 The law's prime maxim^ scourge to the whole faction 
 Of publishers, which bridles their proud spirit. 
 
 Subjecting truth, like falsehood, to an action,) 
 Should die, unhonor'd and unknown his name. 
 Without one blast o' th' nether trump of fame. 
 
 XCI. 
 
 He, who th' Ephesian Dian's temple burn'd. 
 Lives, and will live through time, in deathless story; 
 
 While he, who endless reputation earn'd^ 
 If real worth had ought to do with glory. 
 
 In no fond lawyer's tuneful verse is mourn'd. 
 Nor celebrated by one grateful Tory ! 
 
 For what 's a temple burned, however beautiful. 
 
 To rendering a stiff-neck'd people dutiful ? 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 59 
 
 XCII. 
 
 None but a thorough quintessential brain/^ 
 Impregnated with ev'ry legal quiddity, 
 
 Accustomed to uphold all sides for gain, 
 
 And prone to puzzle facts from sheer stupidity 5 
 
 Traitor to common-sense and all that's plain, 
 With impudence to equal his cupidity. 
 
 Had plung*d in such a labyrinth of nonsense ; 
 
 And then, to utter it had found the conscience.^^ 
 
 xcin. 
 
 Arm'd with this maxim and a Special Jury, 
 Cuird by a knowing hand, with sound discretion,— 
 
 A Barrister inflamM with loyal fury, 
 
 Skiird in each art to torture plain expression, — 
 
 A Judge, who knows to play his part demurely, 
 It is not difficult, in every session 
 
 To give examples of the force of quibbling, 
 
 Might cure the most invet'rate itch for scribbling.'^^ 
 
60 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XCIV. 
 
 Yet so perverse and blind is human nature. 
 
 That libels are esteemed " your only'' reading ;'*^ 
 
 And prosecutions often make a creature 
 Enhance his price, insuring his succeeding. 
 
 Give to your book this most enticing feature, 
 And all upon its poison will be feeding : 
 
 Indict it, and I'll lay an even bet. 
 
 Folks e'en would read the Literary Gazette."^^ 
 
 xcv. 
 
 Hence besides hosts of men at arms to chain us. 
 And hosts of Parsons giving good advice. 
 
 With hosts of Lawyers in our faith to train us,^° 
 And the Society for curbing Vice, 
 
 " The Constitutional,'' meant to restrain us 
 From all enquiries which are deemM too nice ; 
 
 We've hosts of hireling authors for supplying. 
 
 To keep things tranquil, a strong dose of lying. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 61 
 
 XCVI. 
 
 But ^ propos to these far-famed societies. 
 These new inventions of our times so pious. 
 
 We have them now in manifold varieties ; 
 Some with their "cheap and nasty" tracts supply us 5 
 
 Some too suppress our moral improprieties. 
 Others our Sunday's weekly fun deny us. 
 
 There are who overhawl our print-shop windows. 
 
 And some conspire to spoil good Jews and Hindoos. 
 
 XCVII. 
 
 Their various toils pursue one common end. 
 One common spirit animates. their motions; 
 
 Whether the people's politics they mend. 
 Or regulate their soup-shops or — devotions. 
 
 Whether the Sabbath's ennui they defend. 
 
 Or hunt through pamphlets for forbidden notions ; 
 
 Suborning perjury with grave formality. 
 
 And tempting men to sin, — to serve morality. 
 
62 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 XCVIII. 
 
 The lust of sway, the fondness for dictation, 
 Inherent in each narrow, selfish mind. 
 
 Works most in those who, void of occupation. 
 Leisure to look into their neighbours find : 
 
 "'TIS thus the idlers of each rank and station 
 Are for the most part " very, very kind ;" 
 
 To cottage housewives now imparting rules, 
 
 x\nd now inspecting b-m brushings in schools. 
 
 XCIX. 
 
 LfOok to the names which fill up each subscription, 
 (Auxiliary, branch, and supplementary,) 
 
 For putting into force its own presciptions, — 
 You'll find of strenuous idlers an inventory ; 
 
 Idlers of ev'ry possible description 
 Array'd to hector, drill, control, and Mentor ye, 
 
 Squires, Bishops, Bankrupts, maid and married fiisties 
 
 All loyal, pious foU'wers of Procrustes ! 
 
THE MOHi\.WKS. 63 
 
 C. 
 
 Of subtler spirits, these are the fit tools. 
 
 Who labour hard to prop the falling system ; 
 
 Who deem the public work, begun by fools. 
 By fools must be completed, — so inlist them, 
 
 A sort of fourth estate of sumpter mules, 
 Fth* march tVards wealth and greatness, to assist 
 them. 
 
 To lend fair names to gild each foul disgrace, / 
 
 And help them on their devious way to place. 
 
 CI. 
 
 The Constitution (grown the worse for wear). 
 
 By the addition of this curious piece. 
 Is once more put into some slight repair. 
 
 And, if well oilM, performs its task with ease. 
 Kings, Lords, and Commons are not worth our care. 
 
 Unless supported by this new police ; - . 
 Law, Church, and Army, influence o' th' crown. 
 Are not enough to put sedition down. 
 
64 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CII. 
 
 E'en all together, with the kind assistance 
 Of the aforesaid mystified subscribers. 
 
 Scarce hope the Whigs and Radicals to distance, 
 Or keep afloat the cause of bribed and bribers. 
 
 Against reform to make a stout resistance. 
 
 Confound the dull, and baulk the wit of gibers. 
 
 To hold by prosecutions, scribblers quiet. 
 
 And starving hinds with tracts and sermons diet. 
 
 cm. 
 
 Hence, while societies the truth suppress. 
 
 With Ort-n, Sh-rp, and M-rr-y on th' alert,^^ 
 
 The M-n-st-rs take up the silenced press. 
 
 Feeing whole swarms of scribes, for flinging dirt. 
 
 Scribes skill' d to fib and colour with address. 
 And bold, at need, a bare-fac'd lie t' assert : 
 
 So Cornish wreckers trust not to dark nights, 
 
 But make all sure, by hanging out false lights.— '^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 65 
 
 CIV. 
 Gurtius, to save old Rome, as Livy tells. 
 
 Jumped in the riven earth, and stopp'd its gaping ; 
 And Mutius Scsevola its annals swells. 
 
 On his otvn hands a desp'rate vengeance taking ; 
 While Regulus met tortures fierce as hell's. 
 
 Rather than hurt his honor by escaping; 
 But none of these, according to my notion, 
 SurpassM our loyal scribes in their devotion ; 
 
 CV. 
 
 For they gain'd glory by their splendid deeds, 
 And sacrificed their persons to their name ; 
 
 For smaller cause the common soldier bleeds. 
 And bravely breathes his last, unknown to fame : 
 
 But the true hireling spurns at glory's needs. 
 And in the cause he follows, welcomes shame ; 
 
 Encounters ev'ry freeman's scorn and hate, 
 
 And lives in infamy — to serve the state. 
 
 w 
 
66 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CVI. 
 
 Let no base, envious Jacobin suppose 
 That all is suffer'd for the sake of money ; 
 
 Or that a turncoat love of *^ order" grows, 
 Out of an hank'ring for the milk or honey, 
 
 Which in the ministerial Eden flows. 
 
 As certain wits imagine, when they're funny : 
 
 'Tis all pure patriotism ; — should you doubt it, 
 
 I'd not advise you to say much about it. 
 
 CVII. 
 
 If in an hundred mouths, an hundred tongues 
 (I name an hundred for that Virgil's choice is),"*^ 
 
 Vibrating like an hundred Chinese gongs, 
 Making at once an hundred diffrent noises ; 
 
 Fed by an hundred pair of brazen lungs. 
 Gave utt' ranee to an hundred iron voices ; 
 
 Those voices all would fail, those tongues grow tired. 
 
 E'er they could count the number of the hired.^^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 67 
 
 CVIII. 
 What region of the empire could I mention. 
 
 Free from the echo of their various toils ? 
 Nay, there are some, whose mental comprehension 
 Embraces too our neighbours' civil broils 5 
 So vast the sources of their quick invention. 
 
 So fierce their raging indignation boils^ 
 Not all the Opposition of one nation 
 Can find them scope enough, nor occupation. 
 
 CIX. 
 
 Sometimes on France they make their wild attacks, 
 Or sing the praises of the Cot^ droit ;^^ 
 
 Now lay the sprawling Spaniards on their backs. 
 And swear the Cortes are not worth a doit -, 
 
 The Portuguese perhaps with treason tax, 
 Or scourge the Greeks for being too adroit y"^^ 
 
 But still their censure falls with most severity 
 
 Upon the curs'd United States' prosperity. 
 
 F 2 
 
68 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 ex. 
 
 For first, the Yankees are a standing proof 
 Of what by a good government we gain ; 
 
 (Have we not found th' example a behoof 
 To Naples, Piedmont, ^^ Portugal and Spain ? 
 
 Teaching from Feudal bonds to keep aloof, 
 And seize their long-lost liberties again 3) 
 
 And then, they pay, to carry the great farce on. 
 
 And prop the government, not one state parson^ 
 
 CXI. 
 
 Besides, they are so barbarous and rude ! 
 
 So totally divested of civility ! 
 Their country is so overrun with wood ! 
 
 And in the arts they shew such small nobihty ! 
 They have no op'ras and their style's so crude ! 
 
 And then the savages have no ability ! 
 But most each loyal Briton's anger waxes. 
 Against their want of sinecures and taxes !^** 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 69 
 
 CXII. 
 
 No wonder^ then, our hireling scribes, so furious, 
 
 America incessantly revile ; 
 For if the English nation, who are curious, 
 
 Should take it in their heads for a short while, 
 Just for experiment, to grow penurious, 
 
 And vote supplies in the true Yankee style, — 
 Burke's fam'd ^^ Corinthian capital" 'twould tumble. 
 And the State's '^ decent splendour" too much humble.^^ 
 
 CXIII. 
 
 Not Proteus takes all forms with so much ease 
 As your true, loyal, pious, hireling hack 5 
 
 Now his pure panegyrics, tuned to please, 
 Proclaim him master of the — butt of sack. 
 
 Anon his north-east sentences will freeze 
 The trembling victim of his fierce attack ; 
 
 While still more wild he plies his scourge, because 
 
 Himself once own'd the persecuted cause. 
 
 F 3 
 
70 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXIV. 
 
 But most at home the recreant of the muse. 
 When, sheltered in anonymous obscurity, ^° 
 
 He points his venom'd periods for reviews, 
 Foments his fest'ring malice to maturity ; 
 
 Deals out, unknown, the language of the stews. 
 And wings his poisoned arrows in security : 
 
 Woe to the noble, gen'rous, brave, and free, 
 
 If such can suffer aught from calumny ! 
 
 cxv. 
 
 Time was, when our reviewers, something critical, 
 Talk'd about books, and really read their pages ; 
 
 Gave too of their contents an analytical 
 
 Account — the faithful mirrors of their ages : 
 
 But now, more bold, or else less hypocritical, 
 He who reviews directer warfare wages ; 
 
 Not 'gainst the book he strings denunciations. 
 
 But 'gainst the author, or his near relations. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 71 
 
 CXVI. 
 
 Finds some defect, — not in his style, or writing. 
 But in the ill- made features of his face ; 
 
 Not 'gainst his arguments and reasons fighting, 
 Builds on his personal defects a case ; 
 
 His gait and gesture, not his wisdom slighting. 
 Censures, not wit, but shoulders out of place ; 
 
 Or, if all these be critic-proof, the cur, 
 
 Rather than fail, attacks the publisher. 
 
 CXVII. 
 But, if his eye should glance upon the sheets, 
 
 What's good or pleasant there he never tells ; 
 Seldom on what the author ivrites he treats, 
 
 But on supposed intentions boldly dwells. 
 Pounces triumphant, when a fault he meets. 
 
 And ev'ry venial lapse to the utmost swells ; 
 Misquotes to make an error, if there's none, 
 And, for the author's folly, puts his own : 
 
 F 4 
 
72 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXVIII. 
 
 While base revilings trickle from his pen/' 
 
 In terms unfit to meet a modest ear, 
 Such as in Bedlam's halls, from frantic men. 
 
 Fill the by-stander with unwonted fear ; 
 Such as in fish markets are frequent, when 
 
 The old wives yield their tongues to rage and beer, 
 Or such as give its vent to G-ff-d's spleen, 
 And in his notes on '^ rare old Ben" are seen.^^ 
 
 CXIX. 
 
 God help the writer, then, whom Church and State 
 Delight not ; who refuses to acknowledge 
 
 Dogmas which now are somewhat out of date, 
 Or dares to doubt of Van's financial knowledge ; 
 
 Who ventures of the Greeks or Spain to prate, 
 Or wishes to reform St. Stephen's College ; 
 
 In such a case the hireling pities no man, 
 
 But falls with double vengeance on a woman. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 73 
 
 cxx. 
 
 Sometimes in solemn, grave, imposing tone, 
 Big with importance, and brimful of learning. 
 
 In Quarterly Review, with bagpipe drone 
 
 (T^e fervour of his zeal less brightly glowing), 
 
 He proses, like some ancient fire-side crone, 
 O'er the same point returning and returning, 
 
 Not deeppBut muddy ; tiresome, though not full ; 
 
 Nauseous, not sweet, and though not gentle, dull. 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 Sometimes beneath the churchman's close disguise. 
 As ^' British Critic" will he lull his readers ; 
 Claiming assent from all, to all his lies. 
 
 In dire hostility to all seceders. 
 To reach a meaning when in vain he tries. 
 
 He rails against sectarian misleaders. 
 Pert, pompous, dull, the felloiv *^ shews his feeding 
 Is very much superior to his breeding. 
 
74 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXXII. 
 Sometimes descending to a lower key 
 
 (For in the lowest deep there's still a deeper), 
 '' My grandmother's review," ^^ he writes for thee. 
 
 And grows an almost apoplectic sleeper, 
 A driveller, from sense and reason free. 
 Who, only that he's harmless, wants a keeper ; 
 The merest twice-skimm'd milk of all that write, 
 Flat, foolish, feeble, false and— hypocrite. 
 
 CXXIII. 
 Sudden awaking from Lethean slumbers, 
 
 All sparks and tinsel, noisy as a rattle, 
 He pours his Antijacobinic numbers. 
 
 And, brisk as bottled beer, he wages battle. 
 No sense of shame his skittish muse encumbers, 
 
 Wisdom and wit he treats, as butchers cattle: 
 Nor pain nor grief are sacred ;— for his art, 
 To raise an idle laugh, would break a heart. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 75 
 
 CXXIV. 
 
 Again, as changeful as a maniac*s dream, 
 Through the ^' New Times'' he wends his weary way, 
 
 Pours forth his wordy prose, through many a ream 
 Distilling drops of thought, from day to day j 
 
 By cumberous abuse he seeks to seem 
 
 In downright earnest ; though old cronies say, 
 
 A true Swiss soldier, deep within his breast 
 
 His early principles unalter'd rest. 
 
 cxxv. 
 
 In " Morning Post" he chatters like a daw. 
 On routs and runaways would feign be witty, 
 
 Phrase twines with phrase, all jargon and gewgaw, 
 " Very good senseless," frothy, smart, and pretty; 
 
 Too pert for satire, still he gives the law 
 To female goosecaps, both in Court and City ; 
 
 Imparting topics for each coterie, 
 
 As weak and washy as their thrice-drawn tea. 
 
76 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXXVI. 
 
 But for the Courier when he wields the quill. 
 
 The Atlas to uphold a sinking state, 
 A Bobadil, his " twenty more " to kill, 
 
 And armed alike for journal or debate f^ 
 With double impudence he backs his skill. 
 
 And drugs his paragraphs with triple hate, — 
 With insolence for wit, and rage for sting, 
 Malice for sense, and lies for every thing. 
 
 CXXVII. 
 Official insolence, too often tried 
 
 On the brave tar, the guardian of our isle ; 
 A rage, not art itself attempts to hide. 
 
 That breaks confess'd through his sarcastic smile ;^^ 
 Malice to slander nations, and to stride 
 
 O'er prostrate millions ; and a subtle wile 
 To worm to confidence its treacherous way. 
 Through friendship's heart of heart, and then betray/^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 11 
 
 CXXVIII. 
 
 Now in the northern Beacon (dang'rous light, 
 The pole-star of the Scottish Tory's choice) 
 
 He vents his spleen against some Whiggish wight. 
 Making, like emptiest barrel, loudest noise ; 
 
 But long the man of song and legal knight, 
 Like giants, in their course could not rejoice : 
 
 The bond discovered, dragg'd to day each name. 
 
 They 've only to divide the costs and shame. 
 
 CXXIX. 
 
 Mourn, all ye Muses ! veil your conscious tears, 
 Lo ! the scorchM laurel feels the lightning's blast ! 
 
 How fades that glory, nurseling of your cares ! 
 How sinks that name which should for ever last ! 
 
 In vain thy son his hundred triumphs bears, 
 Disgrace and vengeance hold their victim fast. 
 
 ^' Who but must laugh, if such a man there be. 
 
 Who would not weep, if Marmion were he ?''^^ 
 
78 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 cxxx. 
 
 Now drunk with anger, lost to self-respect. 
 
 We trace the hh'eling in fell Bl-ckw— d's page ; 
 
 Eager all sense of virtue to reject, 
 
 And wild as the Malay's his murd'rous rage ; 
 
 So venemous not snakes their crests erect. 
 None rave so fierce in Bedlam's closest cage ; 
 
 Wilful as famish'd tigers in their mood, 
 
 He writes with daggers, and he prints in blood. 
 
 CXXXI. 
 
 Haply, John Bull, beneath thy honor'd name. 
 He strives to steal his way to notoriety, — 
 
 John Bull for centuries exempt from blame, 
 Though now for treason censured and impiety. 
 
 Spite of a shameless Cabinet's foul shame 
 And frequent diplomatic impropriety, 
 
 Thy fame is still too fair, for him to pass 
 
 His stuff for thine, e'en on the merest ass.*"^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 7^ 
 
 CXXXII. 
 
 No, in those miscaird pages, stand in view, 
 Reflected, all the vices of the faction -^^ 
 
 Each wish and passion of the desp'rate crew. 
 The ruling wherefore of their ev*ry action. 
 
 There L-nd-nd-rry's system we review, 
 And estimate the Doctor to a fraction ; 
 
 The Irish hanging, picketings, and hewings. 
 
 And Manchester's too famed, and murdVous doings J ^ 
 
 CXXXIII. 
 There C-nn-g's ill timed jests at human woe ; 
 
 There, Eld-n's double superfine hypocrisy ; 
 There, L-ch's honesty at once we know. 
 
 And W-U-ngt-n's contempt for the Democracy ; 
 There, B-th-st's wit and wisdom brightly glow, 
 
 And S-th-y's fawning on the Aristocracy ; 
 There, H — 's morality at large we find,'^'^ 
 And C-r's malice against all mankind. 
 
80 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXXXIV. 
 
 There, shine their joint tenacity of place. 
 Their hatred against all that's great and free. 
 
 Their partiality for what's most base. 
 And thorough-paced in its subserviency; 
 
 There, too, the conscious fear of the whole race. 
 At the stern, steady march of liberty ; 
 
 There doubts, misgivings, tremblings, apprehensions. 
 
 For despots, loans, finances, necks, and pensions. 
 
 cxxxv. 
 
 But who shall sing the hireling, when for Pat 
 To point his virgin quill he first essays. 
 
 More meanly fawning, more profoundly flat. 
 More wild in malice, and more fade in praise -, 
 
 More scurrilous, and yet more prone to rat. 
 His early inexperience he betrays ; 
 
 While yet too weak for British transplantation,"^^ 
 
 He writes in Dublin for a proclamation.''* 
 
THE MOHAWKS. SI 
 
 CXXXVI. 
 
 With smaller merit than the least can boast, 
 
 Who plod their path obscure in London journals, — 
 
 Too coarse for St-d-rt's ultra-loyal host, 
 Too vulgar for the Courier's diurnals, — 
 
 By much too foolish for the Morning Post, 
 
 Too blackguard even for '^ John Buirs" infernals. 
 
 To emigrate he feels were vain presumption ; 
 
 And manufactures wares for home consumption. 
 
 CXXX7IP 
 
 But different occasions make demand 
 
 For diff rent means and different appliances, 
 
 Therefore, as seasons, time, and place command, 
 We find 'twixt men and things some strange affiances ; 
 
 And words themselves are seen, if closely scann'd. 
 To change their sense, when forced in new alliances. 
 
 Thus ^tis, the Dublin hireling's venal prating 
 
 For London readers may require translating. 
 
 e 
 
82 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXXXVIII. 
 
 In London, talking of the great Nassau, 
 Or naming sixteen hundred eighty eight, 
 
 May suhject you to feel the Courier's paw, 
 As being thought unfriendly to the State ; 
 
 For though expelling James is deemM good law, 
 The precedent is not approved of late; 
 
 And certain views of things make some folks tender 
 
 Of censuring too harshly the Pretender. 
 
 CXXXIX. 
 
 Not so in Ireland, — there the ready glass 
 
 Drank to the Dutchman, speaks well for your creed : 
 
 For though great folks now smile upon the mass, 
 Coquet it with the Romans, and indeed 
 
 Vote ev'ry Orangeman a mulish ass. 
 
 Ill-treating him of whom they've no more need, 
 
 Yet their old friends they use like malefactors, 
 
 Not as bad politicians, but bad actors. 
 
THE MOHAWKS; 83 
 
 CXL. 
 
 Then deem not, when they swell the frantic cry. 
 Pledging ^' The glorious Mem'ry "' in their drink, 
 
 The Irish bigots dream of liberty^ 
 
 Or of man's right of freely thinking think ; 
 
 They look but to their sect's supremacy, 
 And Nassau to a factious tyrant sink. 
 
 Thus when the hireling boasts the Constitution, 
 
 'Tis but in terms a Babelish confusion. 
 
 CXLI. 
 
 Methinks I hear some sour old crab, didactic. 
 Rail in round terms against the loyal Press^ 
 
 Abusing like a pickpocket their tactic. 
 
 His " blasphemy and treason'' to express,— 
 
 (Treason, 'gainst which I know no prophylactic, 
 Save gaols and gibbets) ; and 'tis thus, I guesr^. 
 
 He'd give in words his unborn malice vent, 
 
 And slander merit to his heart's content. 
 
 r. 9 
 
( 84 ) 
 A CRAB'S DESCANT 
 
 OK 
 
 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Curse of our realms, and scandal of the age, 
 Ye slaves 1 whence springsthismorethan wonted rage? 
 Whence this vast confidence ? this lust of shame ? 
 This eagerness to earn a sullied name ? 
 Dead to all honor, lost to wholesome fear. 
 Behold the literary Buccaneer 
 Stalks forth in day to boast his hateful trade. 
 And makes it his distinction that he 's paid. 
 
 Is there a man affecting airs of state. 
 More easy and familiar with the great, 
 More insolent in office to inferiors. 
 More arrogant and coarse with his superiors ? 
 Who climbs to place, yet cannot reach respect, 
 Whom, yet, no Minister shall dare neglect ? 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 5= 
 
 Who, unreproved, by dint of impudence. 
 Attains to heights unreach'd by worth and sense ? 
 Be sure his mighty service to the nation, 
 The source of his success, is defamation. 
 Is there, whose turncoat zeal more fiercely glows, 
 Whose renegado rage no measure knows, 
 Whose wild intolerance, whose new born grace 
 (Flashing conviction, when it gave him place), 
 More impiously insults an outraged God, 
 Than the worst scoffers, who have felt his rod ? 
 Be sure this saint to wealth and dignity 
 Has sought the ready path through calumny. 
 
 Who slanders with his pen would wield a knife. 
 And he who stabs your fame, would take your life,'' 
 But that, of wholesome law's restraints afraid. 
 He sticks to lying as the safer trade : — 
 Lying, the ready talent of a race 
 Of wretches, whom no other talents grace ; 
 G 3 
 
S6 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 The liberty of slaves, the great excise. 
 
 From which the worthless cheaply raise supplies. 
 
 Yet not, as erst, the venal, venom^d crew 
 Slink to their garrets from the public view ; — 
 Through M-rr-y's porch triumphant see them pour. 
 Nor seek the shelter of a snug back-door ; 
 The Pulpit, Senate, Treasury invade, 
 Assume all forms, and ev'ry form degrade. 
 Malignant, they pursue with ranc'rous hate 
 The virtues, which they cannot imitate ; 
 Pounce on their prey, — and if they can't destroy. 
 Make it at least their boast that they annoy. 
 Invoking peace, they fill the world with strife. 
 Invade the secrets of domestic life ; 
 And when unsullied worth, and high desert 
 Stand inaccessible, they fling their dirt 
 'Gainst all relations to the fourth degree. 
 And not the dead fi*om their attacks are free.'*" 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 87 
 
 Nothing's too mighty, nothing too ohscure, 
 
 The onslaught of their malice to endure ; 
 
 Whole nations they revile ; and now are seen 
 
 Stooping to strike a persecuted Queen. 
 
 Now against M-ck-nt-sh or Br — gh-m they rail, 
 
 And now calumniate Carlile in jail; 
 
 Now 'gainst Sir R-hert raise some sland'rous lie. 
 
 Now against Waddington their vengeance ply ; 
 
 Now, envious, nibble Byron's mighty fame. 
 
 Now make some nameless pamphleteer their game. 
 
 Proceed, bold cowards, follow your career, 
 Th' anonymous can know no check from fear ; 
 Or if, perchance, in some unguarded hour. 
 You fall within the law's insulted pow'r, — 
 If quibbling sophistry can't set you free, 
 Nor yet corruption dictate a decree, — 
 If Juries do their duty, and the law 
 Admits no equivoque, no slight, no flaw, 
 
 G 4 
 
SS THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Some needy wretch shall lend, or sell his name. 
 And fed in jail, contented bear your shame. 
 
 Proceed ; the times require your utmost aid. 
 And ply with fiercer zeal your wonted trade. 
 Lo ! upstart Reason, most audacious grown. 
 Lifts her two searching eyes, and scans the throne ; 
 And in her equal balance dares to weigh 
 The altar — thinking when she ought to pray. 
 Proceed 5 a stifFneck'd race refuse to fall. 
 With prostrate intellects at L-nd-n's call -^'^ 
 While persecution forces none t' obey. 
 But calls neglected deists forth to day ; 
 And gaols no longer journalists affright. 
 But add increace of weight to all they write. 
 Proceed ; for influenced by the fall of rents, 
 E'en Peers change sides and swell the non-contents | 
 Deserting pensioners like Cobbett storm. 
 And trimming Tories bellow for reform ; 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 8 
 
 While starving farmers join the gen'ral cry. 
 And G— ch and H — 11 are sent to Coventry. 
 Proceed ; for though confed'rate Kings have sworn 
 To parcel Europe, from Napoleon torn ; 
 To trample upon human riglits and laws. 
 Making against mankind a common cause ; 
 Though Louis mocks the Charte himself has giv'n, 
 And Ultras ^^ play such pranks before high heav'n. 
 As make the angels" — laugh instead of weep, 
 And missionaries preach the French to sleep ; 
 Though hapless, Italy, again subdued, 
 Sees all her ancient servitude renew'd ; 
 And leaden Austria, by its own dead weight. 
 Maintains unvex'd and undisturb'd its state 
 (Like planets which preserve their destined place. 
 By gravitating, in the realms of space); 
 Though Europe be one gen'ral fortress made. 
 And soldiers penetrate its loneliest glade ; 
 
90 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Though the vast prison-house of all that lives, 
 
 To persecuted worth no rest it gives ; 
 
 Though '^ the play's over," and ^^ the game is up," 
 
 Though the world's chiefs once more ''in safety up 5"^^ 
 
 Though Metternich and Pozzo are now able 
 
 To make and keep their state-arrangements stable ; 
 
 And, what's more wonderful than all they've plann'd. 
 
 Thy French, oh ! Cast— h, they understand ;'^^ 
 
 Yet, spite of Congress, visit, and convention, 
 
 Of Kings united in one firm intention. 
 
 Freedom survives, and calls to all around. 
 
 And waking nations hail the sacred sound. 
 
 Hark ! from the Tagus peels the joyous cry. 
 
 And answering Ebro echoes " Liberty!" 
 
 While the pale crescent, hast'ning t'wards its wane. 
 
 In darkness sets, and Greece is free again ! 
 
 And through America's extended shore. 
 
 Throne after throne sinks down, to rise no more. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 91 
 
 Proceed then, hirelings, point the ready lie, 
 And give new doubles to each sophistry. 
 Freedom to all, to you brings loss of place, 
 A nation's triumph is your band's disgrace, 
 With deadlier malice drug the sland'rous tale, 
 With greater boldness patriot worth assail ; 
 Assume, more free from shame, the saintly air, 
 And, arm'd in impudence, more greatly dare ; 
 Pour forth invective without stint or pause. 
 Distort, malign, pursue ; — and in your cause. 
 Think all the thousand shafts you speed too few, 
 Think nothing done, while ought remains to do,^^ 
 " Cursed be the verse, how well soe'er it flow,'' 
 Which works no mischief on the common foe ; 
 And cursed the idle day, as spent in vain. 
 That passes o'er their heads unmark'd by pain. 
 What though fresh tempests the worn vessel rock. 
 And ev*ry bending plank scarce bides the shock ; 
 
ya THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 What though the breakers speak with tongue too plain 
 
 The fatal shallows — in the Premier s brain. 
 
 And county meetings, by distress made bold. 
 
 Proclaim the water rising in the hold ; 
 
 What, though reluctant, in each new debate 
 
 Your friends, sore press'd to 'scape their coming fate, 
 
 Part with some portion of corruption's hoard. 
 
 And place on place, compell'd, fling over board. 
 
 Still 'tis some comfort, if by art or wile, 
 
 Ye raise against your enemies a smile ; 
 
 If P — 1, in love with wit, and turning railer. 
 
 Forget \ns jennies to call H-me a tailor ; 
 
 Or if to give him transient vexation, 
 
 Cr-k-r can fancy a miscalculation ; 
 
 Then, letting slip your dogs of paper war. 
 
 Proclaim the mighty triumph wide and far ; 
 
 PufF, distich, epigram and squib let fly. 
 
 And Tories with a nine hours' laugh supply ; 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 93 
 
 So shall the nation feel not its distress, 
 
 But all ^' collective wisdom's" worth confess. 
 
 Great is his merit who can pen a squib. 
 Or with an air of plain rough candour fib ; 
 Nor less his skill, whose wordy, lengthy prose. 
 With true no meaning, can completely pose f^ 
 Can place a subject in all points of view. 
 Present all phases, yet shew nothing true. 
 Well he deserves, who with remorseless rage 
 Spares neither virtue, genius, sex nor age ; 
 Whom no warm sympathies, no ties withhold, 
 Who'd slander father, sister, wife, for gold ; 
 But better he who, doubly arm'd, can write. 
 And if occasion serve, by turns can fight ; 
 Or he, from all compunctious scruples free. 
 Who shoots the man he's mark'd— by deputy. 
 What though some stiff old Whig, of other times, 
 May brand perhaps such useful deeds as crimes. 
 
94 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Andj harshly judging them, too nicely shy. 
 
 Such '^ worshipful society" may fly, 
 
 Yet saintly W-lb-rf~ce mnst needs approve 
 
 All done or sufFer'd for a Premier's love ; 
 
 While zealot S — they (whose fine sense can tell 
 
 All who are doomM to find their way to hell ; 
 
 Who deals damnation with no sparing hand 
 
 On all the Opposition of the land) 
 
 Will yet find out some clause, for heav'n to win 
 
 The holy man, who slays a Jacobin* 
 
 All are not giv'n such mighty worth to shew^ 
 All are not giv'n such high-prized deeds to do ; 
 All cannot gain renown ^^ by field and flood,'* 
 Let those shed ink, who cannot wade in blood. 
 Let him, on death who wants the heart to look, 
 Murder a reputation, or a book ; 
 Stab with an epigram, to raise a laugh, 
 Or poison safely — ^in a paragraph. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 95 
 
 But if perchance, in roguishness and sport, 
 He's robb'd the Government, in whose support 
 He plies the willing quill,— if a defaulter, 
 He merits from the law a whip or halter, 
 Let not that thought his daring spirit move. 
 Such liberties but — ^' shew the more of love.'* 
 
 Or if a sudden light conviction brings 
 On one, who long has hated priests and kings, 
 Reflected from the pocket to the brain, 
 Proving the mighty " godliness of gain," 
 Effecting rapid change, like that sweet call 
 Which saves the Methodist from Adam's fall. 
 To place him with psalm-singing saints for ever ; 
 Or like the healing crisis of a fever, — 
 Let no remembrance of his former life 
 Hold him from joining in the wordy strife ; 
 Boldly his former thoughts let him disown, 
 Nor fear to strike, in other's faults, his own : 
 
96 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Let him with zeal pursue his new-sought ends, 
 
 Unmoved by recollections of old friends ; 
 
 Or rather let him with more active hate^ 
 
 Because they were his friends, his vengeance sate 
 
 For he, who steadily still holds the same. 
 
 Whom gold can't tempt, nor persecution tame. 
 
 Who strong in reason, and in virtue bold, 
 
 Is, was, and will be constant and unsold. 
 
 Marking the renegade's apostacy 
 
 By contrast, more becomes his enemy ; 
 
 Deserves one blow, because himself is true. 
 
 And, that he shames the traitor, merits two. 
 
 Then let no memory of former sin 
 
 Awake the latent charities within ; 
 
 Let no bright visions of that guileless youth. 
 
 When all was plain simplicity and truth, 
 
 No fond regrets for hearts' ease, ill exchanged 
 
 For all, that falling virtue e'er deranged. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 97 
 
 No thoughts of that sweet intercourse of soul. 
 When friendship's confidence knew no control ; 
 When, from all selfish calculations free, 
 Heart beat with heart in generous sympathy, 
 Frustrate the purpose, or arrest the pen, — 
 Friendship is but a name, and men are men ; 
 Or, if distinctions from such bonds arise, 
 They only serve t' exalt the sacrifice. — 
 
 'Tis said by gownsmen that the sorest woe 
 Which demons midst eternal burnings know, 
 Springs from a constant thought of that bright sphere. 
 From which they fell, to dwell in pain and fear, — 
 From contemplation of eternal bliss. 
 In dreadful contrast with the realms of Dis, 
 And from a jealous hate they're doom'd to bear 
 To virtue, and to all that virtuous are. 
 So in the hireling renegado's breast, 
 By many a wild and fev'rish thought oppress'd, 
 
 H 
 
98 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 The greatest pang, by which his peace is cross'd. 
 
 Springs from the thought of independence lost ; 
 
 From envy of that worth and that good name, 
 
 To which himself has forfeited all claim. 
 
 So Burke (to Fox and freedom lost), enraged, 
 
 A fiercer war against his species waged ; 
 
 RaiFd with more fury 'gainst the French, to vent 
 
 The storm within his burning bosom pent. 
 
 So S — y grows a bitterer reviler. 
 
 Whene'er the turncoat thinks upon W-t T-ler ; 
 
 And so, too, St — t more outrageous raves. 
 
 Judgment and decency more desperate braves. 
 
 When stung by mem'ry that he once was free. 
 
 The loudest champion of French liberty. 
 
 So L-nd-n-d-rry's self, whose placid air 
 
 Rarely betrays a sense of fear or care. 
 
 Whose mazy words but seldom smack of bile. 
 
 Who ruing nations with a simpering smile. 
 
THE MOHA^VKS. 99 
 
 When sometimes moved to speak with slight vexation. 
 Of ^^ ignorant impatience of taxation/' 
 To let his deep dislike of Brougham appear. 
 Or put down Hume's d— d figures with a sneer, 
 Perhaps remembers how his life began, 
 A patriot and United Irishman/^ 
 So all the coals which heap'd on Byron's head, 
 Shew sense, and wit, and modesty are fled, — 
 Bespeaking an instinctive, brutal wrath, 
 Which, blindly wild, itself alone can scath — 
 So the invectives impotent and base. 
 The ages and the country's last disgrace, 
 Which G — d, with an eunuch's fury fir'd. 
 And with a more than Tory's rage inspir'd, 
 Launch'd 'gainst a woman's name, as false as foul. 
 The black reflections of his own dark soul. 
 Betray the fierce, intolerable smart 
 Which envy kindles in the hireling's Heart. 
 
 H 2 
 
100 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 'Twas not alone the hated tale she told, 
 
 Twas not the fearful truth her books unfold, 
 
 'Twas not the contrast of the Frenchman's ease, 
 
 Untax'd, unworn, (though that might well displease) 
 
 'Twas not the story of Italians woes. 
 
 Of the false promise of her juggling foes, — 
 
 No, *twas that spirit which disdained all fear. 
 
 Which, strong in conscious innocence, could dare. 
 
 Scorning all compromise with fraud or vice. 
 
 The hireling's wrath and vengeance to despise : 
 
 No, 'twas the frankness, which spoke forth the mind. 
 
 No paltry interest concealed behind ; 
 
 Which made no pause to think how truth might tell, 
 
 Oi* whether better buried in her well ; 
 
 These were the causes made the monster spew 
 
 A blacker stream of bile o'er his review ; 
 
 With more than wonted insolence revile. 
 
 And load with more of Billingsgate his style ; 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 10 1 
 
 Dare all contempt, all character defy, 
 Expose the cause he serves to infamy, — 
 Forget all prudence, and o'erstep all bound. 
 The woman, author, wife, and wit to wound. 
 
 But little boots it ev'ry cause to tell 
 Which serves the tide of calumny to swell ; 
 No spring of action pow'r has left untried. 
 And ev'ry spring its quota has supplied ; — 
 Hate, rage and envy, jealousy, and fear. 
 Ambition, avarice, and pride are there. 
 Mitres suspended o'er the parson's brow. 
 In dreams of promised recompenses glow. 
 And D-rh-m's conclave fancy, ev'ry man. 
 They clutch the crozier metropolitan. 
 Hence visitation charges, thick as hail. 
 And sermons at assizes never fail. 
 Denouncing e'en by name the great and free. 
 Reviling all that strive for liberty 5 
 H 3 
 
102 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Invoking 'gainst the people, ropes, and axes, 
 
 To strilce at once the foes of tythes and taxes I^^ 
 
 Hopes less sublime might Bl-c-w's soul beguile, 
 
 Bl-c-w, who rail'd himself to durance vile. 
 
 (Parsons, by his example taught, beware, 
 
 In slandering 'tis not enough to dare ; 
 
 A Churchman's hate, alone, may answer well. 
 
 The hireling's malice certainly will tell; 
 
 But both united sublimate the lie, 
 
 Outstep the modesty of calumny ; 
 
 The overcharged weapon on themselves recoils. 
 
 And gaols, not mitres, pay their useless toils.) 
 
 Lo ! C-n-g, glutted with the people's wealth. 
 
 Thinks upon India, and still writes by stealth. 
 
 Str-t, whose long efforts to support the State 
 
 The K — rewarded with a gift of plate. 
 
 Unsatisfied, still looks for favours new. 
 
 And wants, like harlequin, " the partridge too." 
 
THE MOHAWKS. ' 103 
 
 S — ft keeps the jewels and the royal crown, 
 And grateful, freedom and reform writes down. 
 While, seated on the Admiralty steerage, 
 
 C r still rails — perhaps to get a peerage. 
 
 Proceed, great masters 1 all resistance crush. 
 Divide to reign, and isolate to crush ; ^^ 
 Our nation's frankness to court flatt'ry turn. 
 And ev'ry thought of independence spurn ; 
 Rave 'gainst blasphemers through th' astounded land, 
 And eulogize th' informer's deadly band 3 
 On Reynolds, Oliver, and Castles doat, 
 On Peterloo's blood-letting fondly gloat ; 
 Traduce the living, mock the mighty dead, 
 E'en from the tomb they fill your souls with dread ; 
 Fox still inspires, and rallies Freedom's friends. 
 And Romilly his strength to justice lends ; 
 Sydney still rules in many a Briton's breast. 
 And Hampden, in Burdett, stands full confcHt. 
 
 H 4 
 
104 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 Pursue them, then, with all your wildest flame, 
 
 And add another glory to their name ; 
 
 Make the isle ring with ultra-loyal cries. 
 
 And frighten children with conspiracies. 
 
 In your Redeemer's name, t' avert confiision. 
 
 Call down the fiery sword of persecution. 
 
 And, vaunting Christian charity, conspire 
 
 To torture all, who to free thought aspire. 
 
 Let none on Ministers unpunished rail. 
 
 Let none their country's libert}^ bewail 5 
 
 Make all who hold their bosom's quiet dear. 
 
 And an unspotted reputation, fear I 
 
 They, who would lend their willing hands to chains. 
 
 May dread a wounded name's unwonted pains ; 
 
 And they w^ho'd die with courage in the field. 
 
 In fear of calumny, may tamely yield. 
 
 So frighted Truth shall fly the darken'd land. 
 
 And Liberty forsake her fav'rite strand ! 
 
 England, on Austria's model work'd, shall know. 
 
 No laws, save those from loyal lips which flow ; ^^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 105 
 
 So C — t— bury, deck'd with triple crown^ 
 Shall keep, a second Pope, Sectarians down ; 
 On bayonets and gibbets propped, the throne 
 A sway unlimited and sure shall own : 
 While pensions, sinecures, and rank shall grace. 
 Beyond their utmost hopes, the sons of place : — 
 The people, slaves, their revels shall supply, 
 Pay tax and tithe, and paying, starve and die ! 
 
 CXLII. 
 
 " A flourish, trumpets ! strike alarum, drums ! 
 
 Let not the heavens hear this tell-tale rail ! 
 This wretch, too vile to live upon the crumbs, 
 
 Whichfallfrom Placemen's boards when they regale. 
 By Jove! he envies us our scanty sums 
 
 (So small they scarce can keep us from a jail) ; ^^ 
 Unless we find some gag to stop such railleries. 
 Adieu to pensions, perquisites, and salaries I" 
 
106 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXLIII. 
 
 '' Oh ! Dominic l^"^* what wicked times are these ! 
 
 Hark ! how the wretch blasphemes his King and 
 God ! 
 These ravings of the Press, which still increase. 
 
 The near approach of Antichrist forebode. 
 Yes, the rogue envies us our surplice fees, 
 
 Great and small tithes, and all that heav'nbestow'd! 
 Where is its thunder ? where, oh law ! thy sting ? 
 Who cries no Bishop, means no God, no King.— ^^ 
 
 CXLIV. 
 '' Yes, pass more acts, fine, banish, flog, and hang 
 
 Our glorious Constitution is invaded. 
 The saucy traitor, one of Cartwright's gang. 
 
 Would feign persuade us that our freedom's faded. 
 Would on close boroughs lay reforming fang, — 
 
 Trust him, and we shall soon be all Jack-Caded — 
 Reform 1 why Lord John Russell's was complete ! 
 Did he not drive Manasseh from his seat ?" 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 107 
 
 CXLV. 
 
 Thus would " the crab*' have sung, and thus replied 
 Priests, placeman, and corruptionists in fury ; 
 
 *' The Constitutional" would have him tried, 
 And smuggle their own meijibeiis on the Jury ; 
 
 Two years in Ilchester he might abide,^^ 
 
 (For libel, that's the time they now immure ye) ; 
 
 The sheriff seize his goods, and by so doing, 
 
 Obtain five pounds, and — the defendant's ruin.^° 
 
 CXLVI. 
 
 This makes me very glad to find, I made 
 The crab's diatribe quite hypothetical. 
 
 Or else, perhaps, he'd paid for what he said, 
 And left his satire to become pathetical. 
 
 In his shoes standing, I should be afraid 
 Lest the Attorney's prose should pay my metrical 
 
 Ill-speaking of the hyper-loyal crew. 
 
 Who write the State's opponents black and blue. 
 
108 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CXLVII. 
 
 Yes, Fm well pleased in safety to resume 
 The playful muse's easy slip-shod measure ; 
 
 Which, though it serves us not to fret and fume. 
 To play the fool in, is a perfect treasure. 
 
 Placemen and priests I'll leave to Mr. Hume, 
 Who gives to Ministers but little leisure ; 
 
 And that's the reason why they cheer and hoot him, 
 
 And why they want some Tory friend to shoot him. 
 
 CXLVIII. 
 
 In all political and state affairs. 
 
 There's nothing like a pistol for deciding ^ 
 When Opposition chiefs are shewing airs, 
 
 A ball will stop the harshest censors chiding. 
 It is not ev'ry idle talker dares 
 
 The close debate (twelve paces off) be tried in ; 
 In county contests, too, like bribe or treat, 
 A ball will certainly vacate the seat. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 109 
 
 CXLIX. 
 
 But a propos to Hume and his dry summing. 
 His frequent calls for papers and economy ; 
 
 Night after night on th* estimates still drumming, 
 Or censuring the guardsmen for gastronomy 5 
 
 If he's not silenced, spite of all our mumming. 
 He'll lengthen ev'ry placeman's physiognomy 5 
 
 With sinecures and pensions toppling down, 
 
 " The necessary influence o' th' crown." — 
 
 CL. 
 Yes, this retrenching plan of late admired, 
 
 I own it makes me sometimes quite uneasy 5 
 For should the House, of low'ring rentals tired. 
 
 Adopt it (and it seems a little queasy). 
 How could ye then contrive to pay the hired. 
 
 Who keep in awe the wits, that else might tease ye? 
 Think, P— 1, how, dock'd of cash, they'd look askance, 
 And cry, " no longer pipe, no longer dance," 
 
no , THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLI. 
 
 Have you not mark'd when Sirius rules the sky. 
 And parching droughts exhale the scanty dew,^ 
 
 When silenced rills withhold the stream's supply. 
 The mill stands still, the miller nought can do ? 
 
 Have you not seen, when winds from heaven die, 
 Th' inconstant vane, no longer pointing true ? 
 
 So hirelings pause, or rat, when guineas vanish ; 
 
 Their muse and inspiration are — the Spanish,'' 
 
 CLII. 
 Methinks I hear the Poet's voice decline 
 
 '^ To piping treble," as the sack runs low ; 
 St — t once more to Jacobins incline, 
 
 The Courier hot and cold alternate blow. 
 Less virulent, I see the smug divine, 
 
 Some slight respect for independence shew ; 
 The Quarterly the time's distresses feel, 
 And as supplies diminish, grow genteel. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. HI 
 
 CLIIL 
 
 No, the imagination there runs wild, 
 
 The Quarterly can never reach gentility ; 
 
 Starvation makes not the hyena mild. 
 Nor gives refinement to a base nobility. 
 
 G — d remains detraction's fav'rite child. 
 True to his calling with the rock's stability ; 
 
 Come what comemay, while life shall hold, the creature 
 
 Shall still hiss on ; — it is the reptile's nature. 
 
 CLIV. 
 
 'Tis not enough, a people should be happy, 
 Victorious, wealthy, prosp'rous, great and free,^^ 
 
 A discontented set of Whigs might trap ye 
 To doubt the wisdom of the Ministry, 
 
 Unless state Journals with their bladders flap ye. 
 And offer you their spectacles to see/ 
 
 'Tis they alone, our thoughts in order dressing. 
 
 Convince us debts and taxes are a blessing.*^ 
 
112 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLV. 
 
 Left to their own plain sense, no more directed. 
 On the ^^ Pitt system" folks might change their mind; 
 
 The Opposition speeches, undissected. 
 The people to their interest might blind : 
 
 While certain men, their daily faults detected. 
 Might find the nation something less than kind. 
 
 The '^ jolterheads," averse to vote supplies. 
 
 And landlords open to their tenants' cries. 
 
 CLVII. 
 Without the Treasury Journals, who could guess 
 
 The vast prosperity of our finances ? 
 Or dream that Agricultural Distress, 
 
 And falling rents^ are little more than fancies ? 
 Though Lond-nd-ry ev'ry subject press. 
 
 On which his " poet's eye in frenzy glances 3" 
 While jarring metaphors, in chaos hurFd, 
 Reknitting, form his new ideal world f* 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 113 
 
 CLVII. 
 
 Or though the Doctor, having first suspended 
 The Habeas Corpus, — to preserve things quiet^ 
 
 Had ev'ry gloomy fellow apprehended. 
 Who by petitioning might breed a riot, 
 
 And (when in gaol to have his manners mended) 
 Doom him to close confinement by his^a^ ; 
 
 For gagg'd and pinion'd, when folks ar'n't complaining. 
 
 That they're contented, may still want explaining ; ^^ 
 
 CLVIII. 
 
 Without the Treas'ry Journals, who'd believe 
 That Turkish allies mend our Christianity? 
 
 And that, by butchering the Greeks, they give 
 An edifying lesson of humanity ! 
 
 While Moslem tyrants all our aid receive. 
 
 Would not folks deem our missionaries vanity ? 
 
 Zeal for religion mere hypocrisy. 
 
 And vice-suppressing meetings — all my eye ? 
 
114 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLIX. 
 
 Who would not judge, by things abroad they do. 
 Our M-n-st-rs rank Papists in their heart ? 
 
 Their love of the Establishment a go ? 
 So warmly they defend each priestly art ! 
 
 One almost sees them kissing the Pope's toe 
 (Faith I'd near said a more ignoble part) ; 
 
 But Courtly Journals teach that this same Pope, 
 
 Is ^' vital Christianity's" last hope. 
 
 CLX. 
 
 ^Tis they alone can prove to us so wittily 
 That, though in Ireland Catholics are bad, 
 
 Monks and Inquisitors may do in Italy, 
 The best friends that religion ever had. 
 
 Abroad, they teach the people very prettily. 
 Though here, they make them with their Sov'reign 
 mad. 
 
 Therefore, at home, we shun emancipation. 
 
 But force the Pope on ev'ry foreign nation .^^ 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 115 
 
 CLXI. 
 
 I own I should be puzzled to discover 
 The deep designs of L-nd-nd-rry's pate, 
 
 (Though, of his Ministry an ardent lover, 
 Fve followed all he's said and done of late. 
 
 While on the Continent he dwelt a rover. 
 And while at home engaged in close debate :) 
 
 Did not the Treasury Scribes, so close and clever. 
 
 Give us the reason of each new endeavour. 
 
 CLXII. 
 
 Else had I often deem'd the M-rq-s thought 
 
 Sufficient for the coming day its ill ; 
 That only, as occasion rose, he sought 
 
 By fresh expedients the new gap to fill ; 
 So that, w^hen time the quarter-day had brought, 
 
 He might not want the grist to work his mill. 
 But journals prove at ev'ry new convention. 
 His flounderings still miss the same intentioUo 
 
 I 2 
 
116 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXIII. 
 
 Since, then, our British brains are grown so dull> 
 
 Since we can only go in leading strings, 
 Since we are so inclined to play the fool, 
 A c our t newspaper is the best of things ; 
 For if the Courier, Morning Post, John Bull, 
 
 With all our loyal Poet Laureate sings. 
 Should cease to keep us from each false delusion, 
 What's to prevent us from a revolution ? 
 
 CLXIV. 
 
 Folks would no more be found to go to church. 
 They'd all be running to the play and alehouse | 
 
 The fundlords would be all left in the lurch. 
 We ^^ look'd for'\ and have nobody to bail us. 
 
 The schoolboys get possession of the birch. 
 And radicals successfully assail us -, 
 
 While population, pressing each day harder. 
 
 Would eat up all the victuals in the larder* 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 117 
 
 CLXV. 
 
 The Bible, though of God the revelation, 
 Containing all things needful to the soul. 
 
 To lead us in the right way to salvation, 
 And guide, just as the bias bends the bov^^l, 
 
 Framed e'en by heav'n to last the world's duration, 
 Were useless, if the press we don't control ; 
 
 Should hirelings cease to prove its doctrines true. 
 
 Though penn'd by heav n itself, 'twould never do. 
 
 CLXVL 
 
 Is then the work, the product of infinity. 
 
 Composed so ill, and with so much obscurity. 
 
 That, not explain'd by Doctors in Divinity, 
 We lose the chance it offers of futurity ? 
 
 Stands safety in our Hebrew, Greek, Latinity ? 
 Must man bring heav'n's intentions to maturity ? 
 
 And must we think (V/hich certainly seems odd) 
 
 That Carlile can undo the works of God ? 
 
 I 3 
 
118 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXVIL 
 
 I own I never could indulge such fears : 
 In this dilemma placed, we have to choose. 
 
 Either the book, inspired, needs not our cares. 
 Or not inspired, assent we may refuse. 
 
 A zeal to punish sceptics, too much bares 
 
 Doubts of our own, and apprehension shews j 
 
 But, as the Church says otherwise, I yield. 
 
 And place my faith beneath the law's broad shield.^^ 
 
 CLXVIII. 
 
 This, though, I know (and let who will deny) 
 But for the hirelings who uphold the throne, 
 
 Who all the Opposition's arts defy. 
 The best metaphysicians ever known. 
 
 The people right from wrong could not desciy : 
 Men are but children to full stature grown ; 
 
 And how should children know, without instruction. 
 
 What does them good, or what leads to destruction ? 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 119 
 
 CLXIX. 
 
 Therefore, once more I say, should cash run fine, 
 And Ministers no more afford to pay, — 
 
 Should hirelings, thus unfeed, become supine, 
 Nor dole their doctrines out, from day to day,— 
 
 The Courier from its loyalty decline. 
 The Chronicle, unchecked, have its own way. 
 
 Actum est ! ilicet ! the game is over ! 
 
 No M-n-stry can longer — live in clover ! 
 
 CLXX. 
 
 The bread no more would rise in bakers* ovens, 
 (What*s worse) it would not rise so much in price. 
 
 Our sprucest Dandies would be turned to slovens. 
 The butchers' shops would teem with large blue flies,^^ 
 
 Our tender maids would all be changed to tough ones. 
 Places would fail in Customs and Excise ; 
 
 Danger would fall both upon church and steeple. 
 
 And gaols hold M-n-st-rs, and not the people. 
 
 I 4 
 
120 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXXI. 
 
 In short, I cannot think on the disorder. 
 Which from this revolution must ensue 5 
 
 Morality, religion, social order. 
 
 Our glorious Constitution 'twould undo : 
 
 Each churl would cock his hat before a lord. 
 Knock down his hares— provided he aims true 5 
 
 Our ports would all fill up, our ships lie idle. 
 
 And rebel horses would refuse the bridle. 
 
 CLXXII. 
 
 TurnM out of office, and deprived of place, 
 I wonder how the M-n-st-rs would eat ! 
 
 Or how bestir them in their hopeless case ; 
 I fear they've hardly voug to earn their meat ; 
 
 Accustom'd long to take, they'd want the face 
 To beg ; and, pow'rless, nobody would treat. 
 
 Though used to serve, yet service would forsake them. 
 
 For, with their characters, pray who would take them ? 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 121 
 
 CLXXIIL 
 
 Methinks V — s-tt — t, turn'd upon the worlds 
 By picking pockets, might attain renown ; 
 
 And, L-nd-nd-rry from his greatness hurl'd. 
 As auctioneer might prose, and pose the town/^ 
 
 Great W-U-ngt-on, his conqu'ring standard furled. 
 Might wander, a prize-fighter, up and down ; 
 
 And should all arts escape the doctor's reach. 
 
 His taste he still might humour— as Jack Ketch, 
 
 CLXXIV. 
 
 A decent college tutor P — 1 might turn. 
 And L-v-rp — 1 write pamphlets for ^^ the Row;'* 
 
 £ld-n a pretty livelihood might earn. 
 By weeping at an Irish Ulaloo. 
 
 B-th-rst in vain would ti7 new trades to learn, 
 His years too many, and his wits too few; 
 
 C-n — g as Buffo still might run his rigs, 
 
 AndL— d L— t— ntT-lb-t still— feed pigs. 
 
122 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXXV. 
 
 But from such times, as these good Lord deliver us ! 
 
 The common folks alone are made for work, 
 Placemen, we know, though animals omnivorous, 
 
 Are less disposed to business than a Turk ;'°^ 
 Sooner may heav'n send lightning down to shiver us, 
 
 Than give us to the multitud'nous pork^*^* 
 Who on the altar and the throne would trample, 
 And set all Europe a most foul example. 
 
 CLXXVI. 
 
 Sooner than so, come Fate into the field*°® 
 And champion us to th' utterance, say I; 
 
 Is it for this, we made Napoleon yield 
 And sent him to that barren isle to die ? 
 
 Is it for this, with taxes we were peelM 
 The better to defend our property ? 
 
 Is it for this, we bid the world defiance, 
 
 -\nd join'd with despots in unblessM alliance ? 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 123 
 
 CLXXVII. 
 
 For this, hatch'd treason, ending all in smoke } 
 Kydd, Bonney, Thelwall, and the rest indicting ; 
 
 While Pitt th' immaculate, to hang Home Tooke, 
 Scarcely remember'd e'en his own hand-writing : 
 
 For this^ once tried Burdett's seditious book. 
 And Hone's three times, for parodies too biting ? 
 
 Pass'd the Six A cts, and Minister's indemnity ? 
 
 And forgers hung by troops with such solemnity ? 
 
 cLxxvni. 
 
 Is it for this, as Cruickshank's print displays, 
 We turn'd the Constitution upside down ? 
 
 (A pyramid reversed, unfix'd it sways 
 
 By guns and sword supported on its crown) ; 
 
 And coax'd the soldiers in so many ways. 
 While a post captain's treated like a clown ? 
 
 Gave spies such honorable notoriety ? 
 
 And sent our pound notes to the Vice Society ? 
 
124 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXXIX. 
 
 Is it for this, from servants taking pence, 
 We buy so many Bibles to distribute ? 
 
 Which being pawn'd, the money taken thence 
 Is to the gin-shop paid, a ready tribute, 
 
 Thus, of religion giving folks a sense. 
 We make a man superior to a he-brute ; 
 
 For asses, as. we know, are driv'n by blows. 
 
 But your good Christian's better led by th' nose. 
 
 CLXXX. 
 
 Is it for this, in short, in evVy clime 
 The foes of liberty, we're rarely hated ? 
 
 Condemn'd to be recorded through all time. 
 The veriest suicides G-d e'er created ? 
 
 Attacking reason with a rage sublime. 
 Just as by mastiff dogs a bull is baited : 
 
 In Holland, Parga, Genoa, or Saxony, 
 
 To strengthen tyrants, spending all our tax-money. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 125 
 
 CLXXXI. 
 
 No, though the nation sink beneath its load. 
 Though ploughs be left to trace no more their furrows. 
 
 Though manufacture quit her loved abode. 
 
 And no trade thrive, save that in rotten boroughs ; 
 
 Though Radicals, by loyal yeomen movi^'d. 
 Find in our swords a cure for all their sorrows, 
 
 And gibbets end the few our soldiers spare,-— 
 
 To save the system, this and more we'll dare,'°^ 
 
 CLXXXII. 
 
 If to ourselves but constant we behave us. 
 In " the stern path of duty" firmly tread. 
 
 Our '^ pilot" from this second ^^ storm" shall save us, 
 And knock all opposition on the head. 
 
 The rabble, with petitions though they brave us. 
 Shall soon be taught to know when they're well fed 5 
 
 The poor we still will drive, the rich we'll pigeon. 
 
 Huzza ! God bless old England, and religion I 
 
126 THE MOHAWKS. 
 
 CLXXXIII. 
 
 Cheer up, cheer up once more, ye venal crew, 
 Let not vain fears your firm intentions warp, 
 
 With gall additional your ink fresh brew. 
 And point your quill as the stiletto sharp ; 
 
 Teem forth each day, each hour, with venom new. 
 And with more sophistry at freedom carp ; 
 
 Storm, rage, cajole, snarl, fawn,crawl, scratch, and bite. 
 
 Cant, slander, and revile, — in one word,— write. 
 
 cLxxxiy. 
 
 What though our navy wholly be reduced. 
 
 The sailors to America retreated. 
 Still must the Opposition be traduced. 
 
 Still must the friends of freedom be defeated ; 
 Still must Reformers daily be abused. 
 
 The Q— n, though dead, be libell'd and ill-treated : 
 For hireling scribblers still we'll keep our pence, 
 A nation's surest, cheapest, best defence. 
 
THE MOHAWKS. 127 
 
 CLXXXV. 
 
 What though our clerks, at fifty pounds a year 
 Be turned adrift, to beg or starve i' th' streets, 
 
 He who can write a pamphlet need not fear. 
 Who pens reviews a certain market meets. 
 
 From the poor printer's devil to the peer. 
 All who contribute to the Treas'ry sheets. 
 
 While loans can be procured or taxes laid, 
 
 The bulwarks of the State, shall still be paid. 
 
 GLXXXVI. 
 
 So shall all principles become unfixed, 
 
 All words detach'd, and loose fi:om certain meaning j 
 Virtue and vice, — all contraries — be mixed. 
 
 And all reality be lost in seeming ; 
 Tory and Whig the sole criterions fixM, 
 
 Of right and wrong, and thought be turn'd to 
 dreaming ; 
 Sense, wit, and spirit shall be contraband. 
 And universal darkness rule the land. 
 
NOTES. 
 
NOTES. 
 
 Note 1, page 14, line 1. 
 
 Ope where you will the babbling page of history. 
 
 " C'est ainsi qu'on ^crivit rhistoire dans ces temps ou le 
 changement de la religion donna une nouvelle face a I'Empire 
 Romaine. Gregoire de Tours ne s'est point ecaite de cette 
 m^thode^ et on pent dire que jusqu'a Guichardin et Ma- 
 chiavel nous n'avons pas eu une histoire bien faite." 
 
 Voltaire^ Moiurs, vol. ii. ch. x. 
 
 '' II faut avouer que I'histoire, ainsi que la physique^ n'a 
 commence a se d^brouiller que sur la fin du seizieme siecle. 
 La raison ne fait que de naitre." — Ibid, ch. viii. 
 
 '' Dreams^ lies and absurdities are all we find in searching 
 into early times." — Walpole's Anecdotes of Painting. 
 
 Note 2, page 14, line 9. 
 
 Truth from the court was driven by servility. 
 *' Suadere principi quod oporteat multi laboris, assentatio 
 crga principem quemcunque sine afFectu peragitur." 
 
 Tadf., lib. 1. Hist. 
 
 K 2 
 
132 NOTEB. 
 
 O verita nasconditi, v^ via, 
 
 A corte non osar mostrarti mai, 
 
 Se aver non vuoi persecuzioni e quai. 
 
 Gli Animali Parlanli. 
 
 Notes, page 14, line 12. 
 And banished it their pleadings long ago. 
 
 " Le finzioni s'introdussero in fraude delle leggi, per 
 eludere le loro prescrizioni, e per estenderle a que' casi de' 
 quali non avevano espressaraente parlato." 
 
 *' Legal fictions were introduced to evade the laws, or to 
 extend them to cases concerning which they are silent." — Del- 
 fico Richerche sul vera Carattere delta Giurisprud. Romana. 
 
 *^ L*ant!ca giurisprudenza tutta fu poetica, la quale fingeva i 
 fatti, non fatti ; i non fatti, fatti ; nati, gli non nati ancora ; 
 •morti i viventi j i morti vivere nelle loro giacenti eredita, &c. 
 &c/* 
 
 ''The ancient jurisprudence was altogether poetic, com- 
 posed of fictions, which made facts of what never happened, 
 and imagined things to have occurred which never took place j 
 feigned children to have been born who were yet in the 
 wombj considered the dead living, and the living dead." 
 
 Vico Principj delta Scienza nuova. 
 
 This subtle and mischievous invention of the Roman lawyers 
 forms so prominent a feature of our own laws, that it is im- 
 possible for any plain unprofessional man to follow the plead- 
 ings. Our properties and rights jconsequently are wholly 
 placed at the discretion of men interested in keeping them in 
 
NOTES. 133 
 
 eternal jeopardy; and the commonest transactions cannot 
 safely be undertaken without an attorney at our elbows. 
 
 See Blackstone, b. iii. ch. 2, on Ejectment, 
 
 Note 4, page 14, line 16. 
 
 Fine and imprison it for breach of peace. 
 " E si repete ognor che non ti lice, 
 Dir vero, e palesar cio che hai nel cuore, 
 Eche del vero periglioso in vece 
 Dei secondar lo stabilito errore j 
 Error dell' ordin social sostegno, 
 E del riposo pubblico edel regno." Casti, uhi supra. 
 
 Note 5, page 17, line 1. 
 
 The moral hidden in this ancient tale. 
 The literal interpretation of the first three chapters of 
 Genesis has been abandoned by too many of the fathers and 
 early authorities of the church, to make any elaborate apology 
 necessary for the liberty here taken with the subject so con- 
 sidered. Celsus, who viewed the story only in its literal 
 sense, called it plainly an old woman's tale (av^ov tivo, ag 
 ypava). ^ir^ysfxEVOv ; and the orthodox Origen found no better 
 way to meet the criticism than by the assertion of its allegori- 
 cal meaning, on fxera TpoTToXoyiag raura £ipy{}al. To which, 
 indeed, Celsus himself assents, where he says, oi ETTieixislspoi 
 *I«5«/wv Koi Xpicrliavcjv ett) thtoi; aia-xuvofMsvoij iriiprnjai 'Trui 
 aWKnyopziv aurot' To those, however, who think otherwise, 
 and are disposed to defend the letter of the text, I reply, with 
 Dr. Burnet (to whose learned Archaeologiae Philosophicae I 
 \ K 3 
 
134 NOTES. 
 
 am indebted for the above cited passages). *^ Qui si mecum 
 perpendere velint primorum seculorum usura et genium, 
 praecipue gentium orientalium ; quibus moris erat per sym- 
 bola, sirailitudines et parabolas sua placita et doctrinas tra- 
 dere j res antiquissimas eo modo explicanti, si non consentient, 
 saltem non irascentur." 
 
 Note 6, page 18, line 9. 
 
 When few by gallows-verse ivere saved a caper, 
 Tl'.e '^ neck-verse," read by felons to prove their right to 
 benefit by clergy. 
 
 Note 7, page 19, line 5. 
 
 By nought disturbed, save her own '^ sacring bell.*' 
 'TU startle you 
 Worse than the sacring bell, when the brown wench 
 Lay kissing in your arms, Lord Cardinal." 
 
 Henry VIII., act iii. sc. 2. 
 
 Note 8, page 20, line 8. 
 
 Jnd write him, ''fledged and wigg'd at fifty-six:* 
 
 See " Fudge Family" 
 
 Note 9, page 21, line 4. 
 B.ob for themselves, and for the Baron too. 
 " C'^toit en Allemagne (sous Frederic II.) un tems d*an- 
 archie ct ae brigandage, qui dura long-temps. Ce brigan- 
 dage s'etoit tellement accru queles Seigneurs comptaientparmi 
 leurs droits, celui d'etre voleurs de grand chemin dans leurs 
 territoires et de faire de la fausse monnoie." 
 
 Voltaire, Mceurs, ch. Hi. 
 
NOTES. 135 
 
 '' Qual mente humana puo capire, qiial legge del buomini 
 viiole, qual giustizia di Dio comanda^ che '\ guadagnar con 
 la mercantantia per se, sia riputata cosa vergognosa^ il rubar con 
 le armi per altri sia creduto essercitio honorato."— Bocca/mi. 
 
 " What raind can imagine, what law desire, what divine 
 justice command, that to traffic for our own profit shall be es- 
 teemed disgrace, while to rob for others by force of arms 
 shall be deemed honourable !" 
 
 Note 10, page 21, line 10. 
 
 Fve seen a list that occupied some pages. 
 In Winspeare's ''Sloria degli Abusi Feudali" maybe seen 
 a list of feudal dues claimed by the Neapolitan barons, which 
 occupies sixty pages of large octavo. 
 
 Note 1 1, page 22, line 4. 
 
 The vassals beat his ponds the live^long night. 
 This service was due in some parts of France before the 
 Revolution. 
 
 Note 12, page 22, line 8. 
 
 But calVd in joking France — Le droit de Seigneur. 
 Called also droit de cuissage. *' Ce droit Strange s'etendit 
 en Ecosse, en Lombardie, en Allemagne, et dans les provinces 
 de France : voil^ les moeurs qui regnaient dans le temps des 
 Croisades." — Voltaire, ubi supra. 
 
 Note 13, page 23, line 2. 
 
 Arm'd with the double sword of earth and heaven. 
 " En France et en Allemagne plus d'un ev^ue allait au 
 combat avec ses serfs." 
 
136 NOTES. 
 
 '' Hugues, un des fils de Charlemagne, force jadis ^ dtre 
 moine, devenu depuis Abb«^ de St. Quentin^ fut tu^ devant 
 Toulouse avec TAbb^ de Ferriere : deux ev^ues y furent 
 faits prisonniers." — Voltaire, Mosurs, vii. 
 
 Note 14, page 23, line 5. 
 
 Like bold St. Peter, when no more he* d fish up. 
 The devil, it is said, can quote Scripture. So the example 
 of St. Peter (for St. John says it was he who cut oflf the ear) 
 has been much followed for the purposes of holy ambition, 
 notwithstanding the reproof it met with, and the warning 
 '^ravliijap oi >a^6vl£g fjidxcttpav Iv fAaxaipex aTToP^SvTai, 
 
 Note 15, page 24, line 2. 
 
 And ravaged in the royal game of war. 
 War is a game at which, were subjects wise. 
 Few kings could play. 
 
 Note 16, page 24, line 14. 
 Knocks at the gate, nor lends a patient ear. 
 Pallida mors aequo pulsat pede pauperum tabernas 
 Regumque turres. Hor. 
 
 Note 17, page 26, line 8. 
 
 To the mere bounds of writing and of reading. 
 '^ A me basta che i miei suggetti sappiano leggere e scrivere." 
 
 Speech of the Emperor of Austria to the Institute 
 at Milan. — See Lady Morgan's Italy. 
 
NOTES. 137 
 
 Note 18, page 26, line 13. 
 
 While wancCring Charles, neglected and distressed, 
 " On sait quelle table le bon homme (St. Alban's) tenoit ^ 
 Paris, tandis que leRoi son maitre mouroit de faim aBruxelles, 
 et que laReine mere, sa maitresse, ne faisoit pas grande ch^re 
 en France."^ — Mem. de Grammont. 
 
 Note 19, page 26, line 16. 
 
 Barter* d three goodly kingdoms for a mass. 
 '' Quand je cberche un rime pour Guillaume, 
 Je trouve qu'il a conquis son royaume ; 
 Quand je cberche un rime pour Jacques, 
 Je tTouve qu'il a fait — ses piques." 
 
 Note 20, page 27, line 7. 
 
 And a most trait'rous impious convention. 
 These epithets are applied by anticipation. In this current 
 1822, it is still decent to affect an admiration of the Conven- 
 tion Parliament ; but woe to him who, presuming on the pre- 
 cedent, shall claim for the people the right to be well govern- 
 ed, or shall justify the revolutions of Spain and Portugal 
 against the attacks of legitimacy. He will most assuredly be 
 calumniated in The Courier, misrepresented by The Quarterly 
 Review, preached to sleep by The British Critic, and regu- 
 larly assassinated in reputation twice a week by that most 
 moral of all the Caryatides of the throne and the altar. The 
 John Bull. 
 
138 NOTES. 
 
 Note 21, page 28, line 4. 
 
 y^nd Galileo's tube spoiVd much theologij. 
 Chi studio teologia dogmatica 
 Sa ben che qualsisia religione 
 (Del dogma parlo sol, non dellapratica). 
 Star insieme non puo colla ragione; 
 Che se ragion ^ in cio che talun crede. 
 Persuasion dee dirsi allor, non fede, 
 
 Gli. An. Pari, canto 17, 1. 6. 
 
 Note 22, page 29, line 5. 
 
 He practised on the king by such illusion. 
 
 I. e. Louis the XVtb. 
 
 Note 23, page 29, line 8. 
 
 And hunger set them for themselves a carving. 
 This idea is taken from a jeu d'esprit of the celebrated 
 French chansonnier, Berenger, of which the following is an 
 extract : 
 
 '^ Pour le careme, ^coutez 
 Ce mandement, tr^s-chers freres, 
 Et les grands verites 
 Que d^bitent vos vicaires ; 
 Si Ton rit de ce morceau, 
 C'est la faute de Rousseau j 
 ' Si Ton nous siflfle en chaire, 
 C'est la faute de Voltaire. 
 
 Tons nos maux sont advenus 
 D'Arouet et de Jean Jacques, 
 
NOTES, 139 
 
 Satan, qui les avoit lus, 
 
 Ne faisoit jamais ses paques j 
 
 Eve aima le fruit nouveau, 
 
 C'est la faute de Rousseau j 
 
 Cain tua son fr^re, 
 
 C'est la faute de Voltaire. 
 ATbfe.— Soon after the return of Louis XVIII. the Arch- 
 bishop of Paris published a mandement against Rousseau and 
 Voltaire, of which the above is a sort of parody. 
 
 Note 24, page S3, line 12. 
 
 And gairi'd another pension for his pains. 
 
 '^ Che se dell' arte loro volevano servirsi con Tordinario 
 loro interessato fine, di maggiormente ubbediente e pronto 
 air essecuzione di quelle cose che desideravano render la plebe 
 ignorante, monstrandole che a' coraandaraenti degli uomini 
 concorreva il voler di Dio, sapessero che Parnasso non era 
 stanza di quelli sciocchi," &c. &c. 
 
 Boccalini, Rigguaglio di Parnasso. 
 
 '' That if they wished to direct their art to their accustom- 
 ed purposes of self-interest, and attempt to render the ignorant 
 people more obedient and prompt to execute the desires of 
 their masters, by shewing them that the commands of the 
 authorities are conformable to the will of God, they might re- 
 member that Parnassus is no place for, &c. &c." 
 
 Note 25, page 37, line 1. 
 Grey, Holland, Lansdowne, would to Heav'n that Fate. 
 To name a few, where many are conspicuous, may seem 
 invidious j but what is to be done with men, whose names 
 
140 NOTES. 
 
 (however great tbeir virtues) in versu dicere non est. It is 
 scarcely necessary to add that the author, in deriving the 
 superior energy of the British nobility from the democratic 
 principle accidentally infused into their institution, coincides 
 perfectly with the theory of the Constitution, which regards 
 the House of Peers, in its essence, as a balance-wheel to mo- 
 derate the impetus of the more popular assembly towards in- 
 navation. In point of fact, the House of Lords, as a body, 
 seems behind the illumination of the age, at least if we may 
 judge from the general tone of its debates, its fondness for 
 half measures, and its attachment to time-honoured abuses. 
 All this, however, under the correction of his Majesty's Attor- 
 ney-General : for "^ nothing is but law doth make it so 5" and 
 to the law, and the opinions of its authorities, we must, like 
 good subjects, submit. 
 
 Note 25, page 37, last line. 
 
 Or thy invectives, Ch — n — vw:, on France. 
 In the Edinburgh Review. 
 
 Note 26, page 38, line 13. 
 To earn distinction by our sense and spirit. 
 " S'il est heureux d'avoir de la naissance, il ne Test pas 
 moins d'etre tel qu'oa ne s'informe plus si vous en avez." 
 
 La Bruyere. 
 " Generari et nasci a principibus fortuitum, nee ultra aesti- 
 matur."— Tac. Hist. 1. 
 
 Note 27, page 40, line II. 
 
 Derived from every Baron since thejiood. 
 " That crept through scoundrels," &c.— Pope. 
 
NOTES. 141 
 
 Note 28, page 40> line IL 
 
 For argument and sense, with Dean Swift's " Draper." 
 " The Draper's Letters " were very ill judged. Wood's 
 patent was calculated to be highly beneficial to Ireland, by 
 supplying a copper circulation, at that time greatly wanted. 
 As to the general merits of political pamphleteers, there is far 
 less abuse and calumny in the writers of the present day (ex- 
 cepting always those under the protection of the Tr— s— ry) 
 than in those of the olden time. 
 
 Note 29, page 41, line 8. 
 When hoisted on Hone's Matrimonial Ladder, 
 The existence of what is called the Radical Press is a neces- 
 sary consequence of the state of parties in Parliament. For in 
 politics, as in magnetism, one pole cannot be affected without 
 a corresponding change in the other j and the ultra specula- 
 tions concerning reform, are closely allied with ultra ob- 
 stinacy in resisting every amelioration. The indifference of 
 the upper classes to constitutional points, excites the turbu- 
 lence of the humbler orders. Let the parliamentary opposi- 
 tion shew itself in earnest, and it would take from the hosti- 
 lity of the press all its acrimony and all its danger. 
 
 Note 30, page 42, line 15. 
 
 Doubts on immense taxations vast utility. 
 
 The question of the operation of taxes can only be doubted 
 
 by one whose too much learning has made him mad. When 
 
 a private man's estate is found more productive by being 
 
 saddled with a jointure, then may a nation be esteemed the 
 
142 NOTES. 
 
 richer, for being obliged to support three or four armies of 
 non-productive placemen. 
 
 Note 3l> page 42, last line. 
 
 Or hints upon the Sinking Fund's futility. 
 Of these accusations against the press, it may be observed, 
 " Che anco negli animi ben composti e lontanissimi da ogui 
 bruttura, scandolo molto maggiore cagionavano certi oscenis- 
 simi libri viventi che caminavono per le strade." Boccalini, 
 Ragguagli di Parnasso, — "That even to the best disposed and 
 most loyal mind, certain living books that swarm about the 
 streets, (Tr-as-ry and P-rli-m-nt-house) occasion greater 
 scandal, and tend more to a breach of the peace than all the 
 libels ever printed." 
 
 Note 31, page 44, line 2. 
 
 That C — nn — g ne'er had found his way to Lisbon. 
 Please to observe, reader, that corruption here applies to 
 the system, and not personally to the individual. That indi- 
 vidual's public conduct is sufficiently before the public. If, 
 therefore, a charge against him were founded, it would be 
 unnecessary j while a false accusation would refute itself. 
 
 Note 32, page, 44 line 10. 
 
 That useful art in states the art of joking, 
 E fe' veder che T arte del Buffone 
 Con destrezza impiegata, a tempo e loco, 
 Val di qualunque merto al paragone, 
 E a far sorte talor giova non poco. 
 
 Gli. An. Parlant'i, cant. 4, 91. 
 
NOTES. 143 
 
 Note 33/ page 44, line 11. 
 
 Grave, reverend blockheads are too apt to call you. 
 Eh ! qui ne connoit pas la gravite des sots ? 
 
 Chenier, Epitre a Voltaire. 
 
 Note 34, page 47, line 8. 
 
 Made perfect by a gen'ral innovation. 
 We may apply to this Congress a passage written on ano- 
 ther occasion : " Beaucoup de niaux sont avenus a cause de 
 ce changement, qui troublera rintelUgence des histoiies et 
 gauchira toute la mappe monde." 
 
 Note 35, page 47, line 1 1 . 
 
 The Gr-nV'les* weighty aid, who aye refuse. 
 This family, by their tergiversations and coalitions, and by 
 the sums of money they have wrung from the State, may be 
 thought to have done more to ruin the Whigs with the peo- 
 ple, to beget a contempt for public men, and a rancorous feel- 
 ing towards the great, than any other circumstance in the his- 
 tory of the times. 
 
 Note 36, page 47, last line. 
 
 Like AristippuSy still they're in their places. 
 Omnis Aristippum decuit color et status et res. Hor. 
 
 Note 38, page 48, line U. 
 
 Corruption raised the Protestant ascendancy. 
 The ** Protestant ascendancy" in Ireland, the synonyme 
 for every petty oppression, for exclusive loyalty, and bigotted 
 and factious religion. 
 
144 NOTES. 
 
 Note 39, page 50, line 8. 
 
 Force them to hear a speech from Justice B — I — y. 
 The custom of adding admonitions at the time of passing 
 sentence, seems inapph'cable to the case of political offences. 
 By the party addressed they can only be regarded as assump- 
 tions of the whole point in dispute j and when the defendant 
 (as he generally will) believes himself enlisted in the cause 
 of patriotism, and views his conviction as so much support 
 given to corruption, he cannot but think the strictures applied 
 to his case a mere piece of state mummery; at best foolish, 
 and, but too probably, hypocritical. A very few excep- 
 tions apart, political offenders always think themselves morally 
 right. How then can the judicial character fail to lose, by 
 an assumption of superiority which must be disputed 3 and by 
 an argument addressed to one who dare not reply, founded 
 upon premises which he cannot admit ? On the other hand, 
 a question arises, how far these severe censures are not an 
 aggravation of punishment, beyond what is contemplated by 
 the law. They are a sort of moral flogging and pillory, which, 
 to many minds, would be more unbearable than the fine and 
 imprisonment that make the ostensible sentence. 
 
 Note 40, page 53, line 15. 
 Paine, Byron, Benthaviy Burdon, Ensor, Hone, 
 The outcry against Hone's reprint ofthe Apocryphal Gospels 
 is most unreasonable. Whatever might have been his inten- 
 tions, these works form a link in the chain of Ecclesiastic 
 History, essential to a fair judgment ofthe true Gospels. To 
 keep them out of circulation is a suppressio veri, which casts a 
 
NOTES. 145 
 
 suspicion on the sincerity of that belief, which fears to be dis- 
 surbed by the intrusion of a new light. 
 
 Note 41, page 55, line 9. 
 This practice much prevailed in former times. 
 
 '^ Hep) (j(.h dsav hh, £%w It^evai stS' ag sicrlv^ ei& wj sx sKrh^ 
 TTO'KKa yap rd xaT^vovra, h^ivai rj, te a^nXorvig, hoc) ^pa^; ml 
 ^lo; T8 av^paTTH. 
 
 ^locTaurw 5s iw dpxnv rs cuyTpaiMiMaio^ I|£|3a>j5>i (o Upw 
 rayopog) Trpog ' ^Osvaicov Jta) rd ^tjSMa avia KarUava-av kv rfj 
 dyopa. Diog. Laert. 
 
 There is, however, a better story in Livy (lib. 40, cap. 29.) 
 of books burned on the authority of an oath of the Praetor 
 that they were improper. '^ Senatus censuit satis habendum 
 quod Prcetor jusjurandum polliceretur" 
 
 Note 42, page 55, line 10. 
 
 Tiberius chastened thus fair Clio's pages. 
 Clio, the muse of history. " CornelioCosso, Asinio Agrip- 
 pa Consulibus, Creinutius Cordus postulatur novo ac turn pri- 
 mum audito crimine, quod editis annalibus laudatoque Marco 
 Bruto, C. Cassium Romanorum ultimum dixisset. Vitam ab- 
 stinentia finivitj libros per aediles cremandos censuere patres." 
 
 Tacit. Ann* 1. ir. 
 
 Note 43, page 53, line 13. 
 
 Grown wise, condemned the poet with his rhymet. 
 The modern priesthood have only the merit of reducing this 
 practice to a system. It was always a favourite measure upon 
 
 L 
 
146 NOTES. 
 
 great occasions, even Jove nondum harhato. '' Legimus cum 
 i^raleno Rustico Paetus Thrasea^ Herennio Senecioni Priscus 
 Helvidius laudati essent, capitale fuisse ; neque in ipsos modo 
 auctores sed in libros quoqueeorum seevitum, delegate trium- 
 veiis nnnisteiio, ^ut monimenta clarissimoruni ingeniorum in 
 comitio ac foro urerentur. Scilicet illo igne vocem populi Ro- 
 mani, et libertatem senatus, et conscientiam generis humani 
 aboleri arbitrabantur." — Tacit, in Vita Agricola. 
 
 The attempt to master conscience succeeded better with the 
 priesthood than with the Roman emperors^ because the attack 
 was more systematic, and more extensively carried on. 
 
 Note, page b7 , line 6. 
 Of tricklish truths^ when *' on the peace" encroaching. 
 Quaere ? " Quella tranquillity stagnante, favorevole egual- 
 mente alia corruzione ed al dispotismo ?" 
 
 '' That stagnant tranquillity, equally favorable to corrup- 
 tion and despotism ?" 
 
 Note 44, page 57, line 15. 
 The pater might for blasphemy be fined. 
 From the malice of constructive interpretation, nothing is 
 safe. The Lord's Prayer has, I think by Menage, been 
 shown to be susceptible of sinister interpretations in all its 
 clauses. Thus, '^^ which art in heaven'' maybe treated as 
 liable to objection, and heterodox, inasmuch as to assign to 
 God a '' local habitation," is to deny that he is omnipresent. 
 Then as to the Decalogue, every article may be made a libel j 
 should the Prince unfortunately be in the habit of breaking it. 
 
NOTES. 147 
 
 Note 45^ page 59, line 1. 
 
 None but a thorough quintessential brain. 
 
 '' Questi professor! vannoad acquistare un carattere morale 
 perverso ed un carattere intellettnale incerto e falso; poiche 
 col continuo disputare indifferenteraente pel giusto a per I'in- 
 giusto, queste idee diventano indiflferenti ; e si perdono nel 
 animo e nel cuore i principj, che la natura vi ha fondati e che 
 le leggi e I'educazione devono migliorare e rischiarare,'' 
 
 Delfico, ubi supra. 
 
 '* These professions acquire a perverse moral character^ and a 
 false and uncertain intellect, by their continual disputations 
 indifferently in favor of right or of injustice 3 and they banish 
 both from their head and heart, those principles which, being 
 planted by nature, education should enlarge and enlighten/' 
 
 Note 46, page 59, line 8. 
 And then, to utter it had found the conscience. 
 The sophistry of the maxim which asserts '^'^ the greater 
 the truth the greater the libel," is plahi to any intellect, not 
 steeped in law, and callous to the distinction of right and 
 wrong. That the tendency towards a breach of the peace 
 (the absurd pretext for this mode of reasoning) is not in reality 
 the corpus delicti, is evident from this simple fact, that in 
 ordinary cases in which the peace is actually broken, and 
 much damage done, the sentences of the courts are scarcely 
 ever so severe, as against the constructional peace disturbers, 
 who write to expose a minister. Nothing in nature can be 
 more opposite than truth and falsehood ; except, perhaps, a 
 genuine prerogative lawyer, and a sound-judging, honest man, 
 
 L 2 
 
148 NOTES, 
 
 Note 47, page 59, last line. 
 Might cure the most inveterate itch for scribbling. 
 Severe libel laws have a direct tendency to embitter political 
 writings, no less than to circulate them more widely. 
 Cui peccare licet peccat minus ; ipsa potestas 
 Semina nequitiae languidiora facit, Ovidj Am. 3. 7. 
 h yap oi£(t6£^ aTroHltlvavleg au9pdo7r8g, ETriaxyK^^iv lov ovki^iliui 
 riva VfXiVf ori hk opQu^ ^rfle^ h KaXa^ havoEiaSs. 
 
 Plato, Apol. Socrat. 
 
 Note 48, page 60, line 2. 
 That libels are esteemed ^' your only'' reading. 
 A humorous member of the Irish bar, being asked if he had 
 read some book, of a very piquant character, replied, ^^ no j 
 I never read pamphlets till they are published by the At- 
 torney-General." 
 
 Note 49, page 60, line 8. 
 Folks e'en would read the LiVrary Gazette. 
 Of the hypocrisy of this Mohawk, the following extract 
 may, perhaps, convey a pretty accurate notion. It is need- 
 less to add, that the Literary Gazette is remarkable for the 
 persevering malignity with which it plies the tomahawk. 
 
 *' There is surely something very cruel in the way in which 
 individual talent and character are now so apt to be treated by 
 the periodical press. No doubt there is much of pretension, 
 of quackery, and of '' humbug," as it is called, to be ex- 
 posed J but in the self-election to do this, it appears to us 
 that the best feelings, the best interests, and the best prin- 
 ciples of human nature, are often infamously outraged by per- 
 
NOTES. 149 
 
 sons presuming to pronounce opinions for the public without 
 inquiry, without knowledge, and without that honest con- 
 viction, arrived at through mature investigation, which truth 
 and justice imperiously demand." ! ! ! Literary Gazette. 
 
 Note 50, page 60, line 11. 
 
 With hosts of lawyers in our faith to train us. 
 Christianity, they tell us, is part of the common law of the 
 land. I wish they would also tell us, whether our Saxon an- 
 cestors in the woods of Germany made it so. For if Chris- 
 tianity was engrafted on the law, then it must have been that 
 peculiar modification called papistry ; and if so, the reform- 
 ers of the church violated the law. Having settled this point, 
 they should next proceed to define Christianity ; about which 
 scarcely any two persons are perfectly agreed. Is it the doc- 
 trine of St. Peter, or of St. Paul ? of the Bishop of London, 
 of Rome, or of Constantinople? or last, not least, of Mr. 
 Wilberforce } for between each of these, there are material 
 disagreements. In this famous axiom of law there are but 
 two terms -, and if both are unsusceptible of definition, what 
 a terrible opening do they make for arbitrary measures ! The 
 religion of Christ is in its essence a religion of conscience; the 
 Redeemer forced no dogmas, imposed no shackles on the intel- 
 lect by temporal inflictions. It is human passion, and human 
 infirmity alone, that demand punishments for errors of judg- 
 ment. The spirit of persecution which defends opinions with 
 laws, instead of arguments (disguise it as we may), is pure 
 tyranny; and cannot be of heaven. To truth it is useless ; to 
 mercy and to justice, odious and abominable. 
 
 h 3 
 
150 NOTES. 
 
 Note 51, page 64, line 10. 
 
 With Orton, Sharp, and Murray, on tK alert. 
 " Dedimus profecto graiide patientiae documenturn et 
 sicut vetus aetas vidit, quid ultimum in libertate esset ', ita nos 
 quid in servitute, adeinto per inquisitionesetloquendiaudiendi- 
 que coraraercio ; memoriam quoque ipsam cum voce perdidis- 
 simus, si tarn in nostra potestate esset oblivisci, qu^m tacere." 
 
 Tacitus, in V. Agricola, 
 
 Note 52, page 64, last line. 
 But make all sure, by hanging out false lights. 
 " Quo est (letestabilior istorucn iramanitas qui lacerarunt 
 omni scelere patriam, et in ea funditus delenda occupati et 
 sunt et fuernnt." Cicero, de Officiis. 
 
 Note 53, page 66, line lO. 
 
 {I name an hundred, for that VirgiVs choice is.) 
 *' Non niibi si linguse centum sint, oraque centum, 
 '' Ferrea vox." 
 
 Note 54, page 64, last line. 
 E'er they could count the number of the hired. 
 Les flots d'une mer emue. 
 La foudre pendant la nuit, 
 Qui d'une chute imprevue, 
 Fracasse, abat, detruit 
 Quelque tour mal soutcnue ; 
 L'ours au d^sespoir r^duit. 
 Cent chiens fesses dans la rue, 
 Et cent cochons qu'on tue j 
 
NOTES. 1^1 
 
 Ne sont rien aupres du bruit 
 Dont leur voix frap a la nue. 
 
 Le Belier du Comte Hamilton. 
 
 Note 55, page 67, line 10. 
 Or sing the praises of the cote droit. 
 I take it for granted, my reader is too good an Englishman, 
 to speak French with propriety ; and to accommodate his ear, 
 i make this adjective rhyme to doit and adroit. Ainsi, mes- 
 sieurs, les Francois m'en feront gr^ce. 
 
 Note 56, page 67, line l^ . 
 Or scourge the Greeks for being too adroit. 
 This does not allude to the 
 
 Quicquid Graecia mendax 
 Audet in historia. 
 Our hirelings have nothing to fear on that scorcj not even from 
 Baron Munchausen himself. As Sackbut says in the play, 
 they ^* shall lie with the devil for a bean-stack, and win it 
 every straw." 
 
 Note 57, page 68, line 4. 
 
 To Naples, Piedmont, Portugal, and Spain. 
 
 The example is not lost even on the two first of these. 
 
 Note 58, page 68, last line. 
 Against their want of sinecures and taxes. 
 The economy of the American Government is a constant re- 
 proach to the profligate and wanton waste of public money in 
 England ; a satire on the * * * * of the * * * *, and a re- 
 flection on the tame cuUibility of the people. 
 
 L 4 
 
152 NOTES. 
 
 Note 59, page 69, li[ie 8. 
 
 Andthe State's '^ decent splendor ' too much humble. 
 *' Est-il Dolope assez pendard, 
 Myrmidon^ d'Ulysse gendarme. 
 Qui soit assez chiche de larme 
 Pour n'en verser pas un petit 
 A ce pitoyable recit ?'' Scarron, Virg. Travesti. 
 
 Note 60, page 70, line 2. 
 
 When shelter d in anonymous obscurity. 
 This remark may appear odd from an anonymous writer. 
 But Satire is necessarily anonymous ; more especially when di- 
 rected against the anonymous. Beside, Satire is always taken 
 with suspicion, while the graver lucubrations of Reviews are 
 received as authoritative and veracious by the uninitiated. 
 
 Note 61, page 72, line 1. 
 
 While base revilings trickle from his pen. 
 
 *' Sure I am that they cannot hope to succeed any where 
 else, while they found their merit on Billingsgate, false quota- 
 tions, gross misrepresentations, and an eternal begging of the 
 questio7i." Oldcastles Remarks, 1752. 
 
 The Delphic oracle never prophesied half so clearly as honest 
 old Caleb D'Anvers here foretels the coming of the Quarterly 
 and its compeers. 
 
 Note 62, page 72, line 8. 
 
 And in his notes on *' rare old Ben" are seen. 
 These notes are a moral phenomenon. The Editor is as 
 much heated by interests, already two hundred years in the 
 
NOTES. 153 
 
 tomb, as he is by those of Lord L~d — d— y and Mr. V — 
 s — t — t. Whether he writes of- Johnson and Shakespeare, or 
 of Byron and Leigh Hunt, he employs the same bouquet of 
 epithets alike in both cases. 
 
 Te fingente nefas, Pyladen odisset Orestes^ 
 
 Thesea Pirithoi destituesset amor; 
 Tu Siculos fratres, et majas nomen Atridas, 
 Et Ledae poteras dissociare genus. 
 
 Martial 
 Note 63, page 73, line 15. 
 
 Pert, pompous^ dull, the fellow shews his feeding. 
 ** Fellow" — Socius, Cantabrigise scilicet, sive Oxoniae. 
 
 Note 64, page 74, line 3. 
 
 " My grandmother* s review,'' he writes for thee. 
 
 See Don Juan. 
 
 Note 65, page 76, line 4. 
 
 And, armed alike for journal or debate, 
 " Equal for both, and armed for either field." 
 Bobadil says he has left off writing for the newspapers. 
 But as his words, like Malvolio's epistles (not familiar 
 epistles), " are no gospels, so it skills not much" whether 
 this verse was written before or after the declaration. Per- 
 haps, now, that he has " achieved greatness," he only dictates 
 paragraphs to a secretary. 
 
 Note 66, page 76, line 12. 
 That breaks confessed through his sarcastic smile, 
 Di quel riso terribile ed amaro 
 D'un pedante chi batte un scolaro. 
 
154 NOTES. 
 
 Note 67, page 76, last line. 
 
 Through friendship' s heart of heart ', — and then betray. 
 Thereby hangs a tale, and a precious anecdote it is. If the 
 reader is curious to know it, let him apply to some Water- 
 ford friend. 
 
 Note 68, page 77, last line. 
 Who would nut weep i/Marmion were he ? 
 Pudet haec opprobria, &c. — but I forbear. 
 
 Aoiaop£<r9ai S^'y TrpBTTEi 
 "Av^pag TTOiriTai aa-Trep apT07rca>,i^ag 
 
 ^^ristoph. RancE. 
 
 Note 69, page 78, last line. 
 
 His stuff for thine^ e'en on the merest ass. 
 The circulation of the John Bull, and the favour which it re- 
 ceives from Ministerial circles, were wanting to give the last 
 touch to the reckless disregard of decency, which marks the 
 borough-raongering faction in all its branches. One loathes 
 one's very nature in remembering the odious hypocrisy and 
 abandoned profligacy exhibited by men (if men they can be 
 called who have thrown ofl" all human sympathy and charity), 
 exclaiming against the license of the press, at the same time 
 that they are forwarding a system of calumny, which forces 
 its way into the privacy of domestic circles, to outrage female 
 delicacy, and wound enemies in the persons of their wives and 
 daughters. 
 
NOTES. 1 55 
 
 Note 70, page 79, line 2. 
 Reflected, all the vices of the faction. 
 ^'We are apt to confine our ideas of faction to sucb men 
 and such measures as are in opposition to the men in- power, 
 and to the measures they take ; whereas, in truth, a number 
 of men in power, who exercise it only for their own private 
 advantage and security, and who treat the nation as their farm, 
 or rather as a country under contribution to them, are as 
 much a faction, as any number of men who under popular 
 pretences endeavour to ruin, or at least to disturb the govern- 
 ment, that they may raise themselves." — Oldcastle's Remarks, 
 
 Note 71/ page 79, line 8. 
 
 And Manchester's too famed, and murderous doings. 
 '' Nonne igitur millies perire est melius quam in sua civitate 
 sine armatorum praesidio non posse vivere? Sed nullum est 
 istuc, mihi crede, praesidium -, caritate et benevolentia civiura 
 septum opertet esse, non armis." — Cicero, Phil. II. 
 
 Note 72, page 79, line 15. 
 
 There, H 's morality at large we find. 
 
 An official defaulter, who, it is said, tries to purchase for- 
 bearance from the guardians of the public purse, by insulting 
 the people, and libelling all the worth and honour of the 
 country. 
 
 Note 73, page 80, line 15. 
 
 While yet too weak for British transplantation. 
 Among the writers for the London journals there are many 
 needy young adventurers from Ireland, whose poverty places 
 them too much at the disposal of the agents of corruption, 
 
156 NOTES. 
 
 Note 74, page 80, last line. 
 He writes in Dublin for a proclamation. 
 The Dublin journals, besides labouring under the restriction 
 of laws peculiarly severe,* are likewise kept in check by a 
 species of corruption unknown in England. A Treasury 
 journal (as it would be called in London) is said to draw 
 annually from twelve hundred to two thousand pounds of the 
 public money in the shape of payment for proclamations, 
 advertisements, &c. &c. Instances have been known of this 
 money being paid to a journal which did not print twenty 
 copies daily. All the Government papers, indeed, being par- 
 tizans of the Protestant ascendancy faction, have comparatively 
 very little circulation among a Catholic community. On the 
 other hand, when a paper is openly on the popular side of the 
 question, every effort is made to injure its advertising interests ; 
 Masters in Chancery and other public functionaries using their 
 influence with attornies, &c. to direct the current of advertise- 
 ments away from the offenders. 
 
 Note 75, page 85, line 14. 
 
 And he who stabs your /ame, would take your life. 
 " Tout libeiliste avide 
 Arnie de I'imposture est un lache homicide. 
 
 * Hy the law of hcland, a jourualist, twice convicted of libel, can no 
 longer remain proprietor of his newspaper, or embark in any other. 
 Before any one can commence in this business, he must give heavy se- 
 curity to the government for his solvency, in case he should render him- 
 self liable to a conviction j thus the offence is punished by anticipation. 
 
NOTES. 157 
 
 Le plus vil a le prix dans im metier si bas ; 
 Mentir est le talent de ceux qui n'en ont pas j 
 Nuire est la liberty qui convient aux esclaves." 
 
 Chenier, Discours sur la Calomnie. 
 
 Note 7^, page 86, last line. 
 
 Jlnd not the dead from their attacks are free. 
 Witness the libels on the Bennet family. 
 
 Note 77, page 88, line 10. 
 
 With prostrate intellects at L-nd-n's call. 
 The learned Bishop's sermon need not be recalled to the 
 reader's memory. From prostration of intellect the distance 
 is not great to prostration of person. To the prostration of 
 purse, of credit, and of finances, John Bull is already well ac- 
 customed. Made virtute, Johnny ! 
 
 Note 78, page 90, line 4. 
 
 Though the world's chiefs once more in safety sup. 
 " The play's over and we may now go to supper," said the 
 Ministerial prints, in the insolence of their triumph over Na- 
 poleon. Let them, however, look to the afterpiece. 
 
 Note 79, page 90, line 8. 
 
 Thy French, oh ! Cast /i, they understand. 
 
 There are many stories of this Minister's mistakes in at- 
 tempting to speak French, which those who are accustomed 
 to his English, when he airs his vocabulary in the H — of C— , 
 will readily credit. They are not, however, all quite tellihle. 
 At a great dinner of all sorts of ministerial and diplomatic 
 
158 NOTES. 
 
 sublimities, he is said to have shaken the solemn rigidity even 
 of German muscles by toasting La belle sexe. 
 
 Note 79, page 91, line 12. 
 
 Think nothing done, while aught remains to do. 
 Nil actum reputans, &c. &c. 
 
 Note 81, page 93, line 6. 
 
 With true no-meaning, can completely poze. 
 ^' True no-meaning puzzles more than wit." 
 
 Note 82, page 99, line 6. 
 
 A patriot and united Irishman. 
 The " Robert Stewart,'' signed at the bottom of the fol- 
 lowing documents, it is, perhaps, needless to say, is the an- 
 tijacobin friend of Kings, and promoter of the Holy Alliance. 
 
 Test required by the Electors of the County of Down, and 
 signed by the Candidates. 
 
 We will scrupulously discharge our duty in Parliament, 
 and will be governed by the instructions of our constituents. 
 We will employ, both within and without the House, all our 
 means and all our influence to obtain the success of a Bill to 
 reform the Representation of the People; a Bill to prevent 
 the Pensioners of Government from sitting in Parliament ; a 
 Bill to limit the Number of Placemen and Pensioners and to 
 reduce their Salaries ; a Bill to protect the personal Liberty 
 of the Subject. 
 
 {Signed) Edw. Ward, 
 
 RoBT. Stewart. 
 
NOTES. 159 
 
 We are embarked in a cause much more glorious and im- 
 portant than that of our personal success } we are called^ as 
 instruments in your hands, to emancipate our country, 
 {Signed) Edw. Ward, 
 
 RoBT. Stewart. 
 
 Note 83, page 102, line 2. 
 To strike at once the foes of tithes and taxes. 
 'n f/icro^^ oia Ho.^ avsupiaHOig >,eyeiv^ 
 0£sg TrpoThvav, Jiig Oeovc, i^suhTg nQslii:. 
 
 Sophocl. Philoctet. 
 
 Note 84, page 102, last line. 
 
 And wants, like Harlequin, " the partridge too" 
 The witticism of the famous Harlequin is well known to 
 French readers. He attended the supper of the King (Louis 
 XIV.), who, observing his eyes fixed upon some partridges, 
 desired the attendants ^' to give harlequin that dish 3" to which 
 he instantly replied, " and the partridges too. Sire ?" The 
 dish was of gold. 
 
 Note 85, page 103, line 6. 
 Divide to reign, and isolate to crush. 
 *' AUons, plats ^coliers, maitres dans I'art de nuire, 
 Divisant pour regner, isolant pour detruire," Chenier. 
 
 Note 86, page 104^ last line. 
 No laws, save those from royal lips which flow. 
 Agreeably to the Roman maxim, '^ quidquid principi 
 placet legis habet vigorem." 
 
160 NOTES. 
 
 Note 87^ page 105, line 14. ^ 
 
 (So small, they scarce can keep us from a jail.) 
 It is not surprising that men, reduced to live upon ^' cheese- 
 parings and candles'-ends," should so frequently become de- 
 faulters. The smailness of salaries is proverbially notorious. 
 An Irish wit, who was stinted by his physician to a pint of 
 wine, being reproached with drinking four bottles of claret, 
 and bid to stick to his allowance, replied, '*^ so I do j my 
 pint of Madeira is my salary, and the rest is mere perquisite." 
 
 Note 88, page 106, line 8. 
 
 " Who cries no Bishop, means no God, no King." 
 '^ In tutti i tempi si e abusato delle opinion! religiose per 
 stabilire gli errori e portare i popoli alia schiavitii." 
 
 " In all ages religious opinion has been abused, for the 
 purpose of confirming error, and leading mankind to ser- 
 vitude." 
 
 Note 89, page 107, line 5. 
 
 Two years in Ilchester he might abide. 
 
 Hunt's sentence is two years and a half! ! 
 
 Note 90, page 107, line 8. 
 
 Obtain Jive pounds, and the defendant's ruin. 
 
 In the case of Carlile, this was the result. 
 
 Note 91, page 110, line 8. 
 
 Their m,use and inspiration are the Spanish. 
 
 Tag ruv ^ixu>.(iov cruvriQhccg 67\iyo; xpovog OisKvaz. 
 
 Isocrat. 
 
NOTES. 161 
 
 Note 92, page 111, line 10. 
 Victorious^ wealthly, prosp'rous, great and free. 
 The distrust which the partisans of the system shew of pub- 
 lic opinion, their efforts to suppress truth, and to " make the 
 worse appear the better cause," are not very complimentary 
 to the measures they affect to admire. Unjust and tyrannical 
 governments alone can have reason to vote themselves in 
 eternal hostility with the people ; and any administration 
 which is so, has already judged itself. 
 
 Note 93, page 11], last line. 
 Convince us debts and taxes are a blessing. 
 
 Se per coltivar i campi all' agricoltore non si negava il 
 bue, r aratro e la zappa, se al sarto per tagliare e cucir' i 
 vestimenti si concedeva 1' ago e la forfice, ed al -fabbro il 
 martello con le tanaglie, per qual cagione alle monarchic toglier 
 si doveva il poter per awenir', gettar la polvere negli' occhi a' 
 sudditi loro-beneficio il piii prest^nte, istromento per retta- 
 ment© governar gli Imperii il piii necessario, che politico alcu- 
 no giammai habbia saputo inventare, in tutta la ragione del 
 stato anco piii eccellente ? Boccalini, Ragguagli, v. i. p. 318. 
 
 " If farmers are allowed their spades, ploughs, and oxen, 
 tailors their needles and scissors, the smith iis hammer and 
 pincers, why should monarchs be refused the liberty of throw- 
 ing dust in the eyes of their subjects, the most serviceable and 
 best instrument of good government that statesmen ever in- 
 
 vented ?" 
 
 Note 94, page 112, last line. 
 
 Remitting, form his new ideal world. 
 
 Exempli gratia. 
 
 '*^ There is no distress in this country which could not be 
 
 cured, by a due apphcation of the principle of resurrection.'' 
 
 M 
 
162 NOTES. 
 
 ^'^ The proposal to repeal taxes is worse than unavailing ; 
 it is delusive j for it goes to contradict the great causes of 
 nature.'' 
 
 *^ It is delusive and dangerous to say that distress arises 
 from taxation and not from the hands of Providence, and the 
 great principles of nature ! ! !" 
 
 '^ The Result of the true nature of political 
 Economy is^, therefore, this : that Nature is the 
 source of Relief and Hope ; and that it is the 
 course of Nature which affords Relief in every 
 Emergency which occurs in their Condition." 
 Countrymen of Chatham and of Fox ! is this the eloquence 
 which seduces you ? Disciples of Locke and of Newton ! is 
 this the philosophy which guides you ? If you are, indeed, 
 satisfied to accept of this ******* for your master and 
 leader, you must be content to remain the laughing-stock of 
 every nation, and the tool of every Cabinet -, hated in your 
 transient and chance successes, and despised in your certain 
 and inevitable fall. 
 
 Note 95, page 113, line 8. 
 Thai they're contented, may still want explaining. 
 La tranquillita pubblica s'annunzia 
 La dove non e mai lagno ne sfogo, 
 E al senso e alia ragion ciascun rinunzia 
 E docil sottopone il coUo al giogo. 
 Se veder, se parlar, se pensar oso. 
 Son turbator del pubblico riposo. 
 
 Gli Aninu Parlanti, canto 28 — 93. 
 
 Note ^Q, page 114, line 16. 
 But force the Pope on ev'ry foreign nation. 
 The restoration of the Papal court is universally regretted 
 in Italy, even by good Catholics. 
 
NOTES. 163 
 
 Note 97, page 118, line 8. 
 And place mij faith beneath the law's broad shield. 
 Home Tooke when asked his religion^ was in the habit of 
 answering, *' the Church of England, as by law established,'' 
 All other creeds profess to qualify men only for heaven ; but 
 this qualifies its members for that terrestrial paradise of the 
 elect—The Red Book. 
 
 Note 98, page IID, line 12. 
 The butchers' shops would teem with large blue flies. 
 If Mr. F-tzg-ld's notion (see Rejected Addresses) be correct^ 
 this danger may be deemed not very pressing. But, on the 
 other band, it must be remembered, that though Napoleon be 
 dead, his secret for manufacturing blue-bottle flies, and of so 
 tainting British loyalty by infecting its fons et origo, '^ the 
 roast beef of old England,'* may not have died with him. 
 Indeed, we may confidently expect this state arcanum to ap- 
 pear, with many other choice diplomatic secrets, in some of 
 the thousand-and-one political testaments, now preparing in 
 different parts of Europe, for the edification of ^^ the gentle 
 
 reader." 
 
 Note 99, page 121, line 4. 
 
 As auctioneer might prose, and pose the town. 
 His Lordship is something famous already for hammering 
 out a speech j and his arguments are occasionally in the 
 knock 'em down style. The only point in the parallel that un- 
 fortunately does not hold is, that at present he shews no 
 symptoms of — going. 
 
 Note 100, page 122, line 4. 
 Are less disposed to business than a Turk. 
 A placeman's first business (1 speak not of the drudges of 
 office, who, being without influence, work hard and are paid 
 
164 NOTES. 
 
 little), is to get all the salary he can j his next is to do as 
 little as possible for his money. All public functionaries, 
 when called upon for a little extra duty, expect a large extra 
 allowance. 
 
 Note 101, page 122, line 6. 
 
 Than give us to the multitudinous pork. 
 
 A poetical figure for " the swinish multitude," the most 
 
 appropriate appellation for *^*^ the scum,'^ ^^ the dregs," "the 
 
 rabble ;" id est, the people, assembled in county meetings, 
 
 and other constitutional aggregates. 
 
 Note 102, page 122, line 9. 
 Sooner than so, come fate into thejield. 
 " Sooner than so, come fate into the lists." — Shakespeare. 
 Now-a-days there are the lists of killed and wounded, the 
 pension list, the lists of the loan-takers, &c. &c. ; but as to 
 Shakespeare's lists (as Burke says), *'the age of chivalry's gone 
 by," and they have fallen into disuse 3 except among boxers, 
 with whom they are more appropriately called '' the ring.'* 
 
 Note 103, page 125, line 8. 
 To save the system, this and more we'll dare. 
 " Perish Commerce, let the Constitution live." 
 These magnanimous resolutions of the Boroughmongers 
 are apt to remind one of the Irish Jack Ketch, who, on re- 
 ceiving a fee from a culprit, to do the job properly, ejacu- 
 lated, as he put the rope round his neck, "' long life to your 
 honour !" 
 
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 *^* Any of the Volumes in Octavo may be had separately; also the 
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 THE NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE, 
 
 AND 
 
 LITERARY JOURNAL. 
 
 The attention of the Public is respectfully invited towards this New Jour- 
 nals which was commenced the \st January 1821, on a very improved 
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 the Quarterly and Edinburgh Reviews, and the Miscellaneous Depart- 
 ments so arranged as to form a distinct volume at the end of the year} 
 thus combining, in the same Work, the several characters of a Magazine, 
 a Review, and an Annual Register. 
 
 Under the superinteudance of its present Editor, this work will con- 
 tinue to be enriched with the contributions of persons of the first lite- 
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 expense in order to present to the world a iMonthly Journal adapted in 
 every respect to the present improved state of society, and possessing a 
 greater fund of amusement and information than has hitherto been 
 attempted. 
 
 The First Three Vols, for the year 1821 may now be had com- 
 plete, price £1. Is. neatly half bound, 
 
 containing : 
 
 POEMS and LECTURES on POETRY, by T.Campbell, Esq.; and 
 upwards of three hundred other Original Articles in Prose and Verse, 
 on Subjects of Literature, Philosophy , Morals, Manners, ^c. 
 Besides the following regular Departments : 
 
 1. REVIEW of NEW PUBLICATIONS and the DRAMA. 
 
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