}S^3S ■Zf ^5 ^:-_'"' tf^ Pe. '\ Publishing (9rrvpat\^* Philadelphia SHOEMAKER'S B^st Selectloi^s FOR READINGS AND RECITATIONS Numbers 1 to 20 Now Issued. Paper binding, each number, - 30 cents Cloth " " " - 50 " This series was formerly called **The Elocutionist's Annual," the first 17 numbers being published under that title. The change in name is made because it it believed a more appropriate title is thus secured. Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who have occasion to use books of this kind, concede this to be the best series of speakers published. The differ- ent numbers are compiled by leading elocutionists of the country, who have exceptional facilities for securing selections, and whose judgment as to their merits is in- valuable. No trouble or expense is spared to obtain the very best readings and recitations, and much material i' used by special arrangement with other publishers, t^.ius securing the best selections from such American ai:thors as Longfellow, Holmes, Whitticr, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and Phoebe Gary, Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost English authors are also represented, as well as the leading French and German writers. Sold by all Booksellers and Newsdealers, or mailed upon receipt of price. XHH I»EI«PJ PUBLISHING COI»IPAI^V T020 Ardi Street PtalladelpliSa AN Unconditional Surrender A Comedy in Three Acts BY , / William Smith Morris, M. D. ' 2681 CI xjO ; { Philadelphia UHo-y X The Penn Publishing 1892 Company n. Copyright, 1S92, by The Penn Publishing Company n-zifJI DRAMATIS PERSON.^ Mr. Lennox Colfax, a popular novelist from New York. Mr. Harrison Pennington, a Philadelphia broker. Mr. Ward Van Artsdalen, a New York broker. Miss Belle Walling, a Baltimore belle. Miss Dolly Mayfair, a Philadelphia belle. Miss May McCollum, a New York belle. Eddie, the colored bell boy. Chloe, Eddie s sweetheart {appearing only en tableau.) Colonel Lee, who does not appear at all. Time Required, 2yi Hours. ARGUMENl Three " Society Belles "—Miss Walling, of Baltimore ; Miss May- fair, of Philadelphia ; and Miss McCollum, of New York — are board- ing at the Hotel Elberon, at Elberon, on the Jersey coast. In the First Act Belle and her two friends engage in a lively dialogue, in which, among other things, the latest novel of Lennox Colfax, a pop- ular novelist, who is also stopping at the hotel, is discussed. In the midst of the talk he appears and is compelled to endure their joint assault upon his story, for creating such namby-pamby heroines. A literary partnership is suggested — or a course in love — to teach him, more correctly, of the divine passion, as well as of women. After his exit, Mr. Harrison Pennington, a Philadelphia broker, ap- pears, vowing vengeance on his quondam chum. Ward Van Arts- dalen, a New York broker, for calling him a "liar." A duel is imminent. The girls — Dolly and May — take sides with the doughty representatives of their respective cities. Belle and Mr. Colfax con- coct a scheme to render the duel bloodless, and the combat becomes a ludicrous farce, the Act ending with an umbrella denonement, in which the two duelists find a balm for their injured feelings in a fetching love scene. In the Third Act the course of true love is found to have run its proverbially crooked course. The lovers have quarreled and sepa- rated. Everything is topsy-turvey. Belle has learned to love the author while assisting in writing his new story, but he seems blind to her charms. The brokers concoct a plan to flirt with each other's ex-fiancees, thinking that such a resort may bring their loves back to them. Eddie, the bell boy, defeats this scheme, by unwittingly changing the notes he has been commissioned to deliver. The result is unexpected to the men, but lovely, nevertheless. Finally the author and Belle meet in the rustic pavilion for the pur- pose of completing the love story, upon which they have been en- gaged for three weeks. The love scene doesn't seem to suit. He suggests that they enact it — assuming the characters of the lovers. Result, unforeseen — from jest to earnest. He proposes to Belle, is accepted, and with an affecting tableau, in which Cupid is triumph- ant, the curtain descends. AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Act I. SCENE. — The scene should represent windows, door, piazza^ etc. A hotel front showing chairs scattered about. Door in centre of flat. Belle seated in chair near entrance, readhig a novel. A box of boft-bon"] on a chair beside her. Belle. Ha ! ha ! ha ! what perfect rubbish ! {she throws book down o?i chair by her). {E?iter, as she does so, Dolly and May, fro7?i ce?itre door.) Dolly. What's " perfect rubbish," dear? Belle. That ! {pointing scornfully to 7iovel). May. {seating herself o?i railing) It must be delightful, I adore rubbish. Belle. This is worse than rubbish ; it is libellous non- sense. Dolly. Upon whom ? {seating herself). Belle, {tragically) Upon our sex ! May. {eating a bon-bon) Lovely ! We deserve it all, dear. Belle, {severely') That from a woman ! O May ! May. Why not 1 I'm sure I've been a positive source of unhappiness to at least a dozen people this day. Dolly. How ? May. {reflectively) Well, let me see. I asked pa this morning to bring me a diamond butterfly from Tiffany's for my coiffure for the ball at the West End next week. Dolly. That's one ! {holdi?ig up o?ie finger as tally). May. And I ruined ma's lorgnette by sitting on it this noon. Dolly, {holdirig two fingers) That's two ! May. And I wrote an emphatic declination to Dickie Cruger's proposal of marriage received per the mail. Dolly. Beautiful ! That's three. But tell us about Dickie. Belle. Yes, do ! May. Oh ! dear me ! There's nothing to tell. Dickie does it every once in a while. It's a weakness of his, poor boy ! I know on positive evidence that he has offered his 5 6 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER heart to at least eight girls. This is the fourth time he has honored me alone. Dolly. Why don't somebody accept him and put him out of his misery ? May. I'll write for him to come on. Perhaps you will. Dolly. Oh ! dear no, sweet ! The season is too early yet. Belle. But tell us more about Dickie. Why does he propose so much ? May. It's this way : His income is tied up by the will of his father, so that he can only draw so much every quarter. , Well, every time the dear boy is flush he celebrates by pro- posing to one of " his girls," as he is pleased to call us. Dolly. Sort of a mild dissipation. Belle. It is really better than getting intoxicated. He shows excellent taste. But doesn't some girl accept him every now and then ? May. Oh ! yes ; several have. Belle. Several ! Why, he is a perfect Turk. May. You see, they didn't know Dickie. He invariably breaks his engagements when his allowance runs low — which usually takes place about a month after he has drawn it. Dolly. I wish he were here, after all. I believe I would accept him under those circumstances. Just think of the drives, bon-bons, and so on for the month ! Oh ! it's just heavenly ! Belle. He must be utterly heartless, though. May. Not at all. He has too much heart to let love fam- ish after a month of plenty. He considerately gives some other man a chance. Belle. Oh ! I see. Dolly. Well, dear, you have made three persons un- happy ; who else ? May. Tired of Dickie, already ? Well, let's see. I told the bell boy he was as slow as treacle in the winter time when he went on an errand for me, and he actually looked hurt. Dolly. That's four ! May. And Mr. Van Artsdalen asked me to go out driv- ing with him to-morrow and I declined, because I have been going too frequently with him of late. He might be tempted to propose. Dolly. The wretch ! He asked me to go driving, too : and I accepted. May. When did he ask you f AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 7 Dolly. About eleven o'clock this morning. May. Well, deary, you are playing- second fiddle; he asked me at ten. Belle. Another one made unhappy ! Dolly. Won't I make his life miserable for him on that drive. I think New York men are horribly deceitful ! May. {with inflectioii) Indeed ! Dolly. He actually had the effrontery to intimate that he had been looking forward to driving with me for a week. The brute ! Belle. I'm so glad you accepted his invitation, Doll. A second declination might have driven him to me, and third fiddle would have been simply unendurable. I should have been driven to melancholia. Dolly. I don't know but what I prefer that to being driven to Seabright with him. {She bites a bon-bon sav- agely.) May, Why, dear, you are actually angry ! Dolly. No ; only mad ! Belle. A distinction without a difference. Dolly. Pardon me ; there is a difference. May. What is it ? Dolly, {finishing the bon-bon with an emphatic craunch) I could bite him ! ! Belle. Horrors ! Will somebody please get a muzzle. May. Oh ! botheration ! Let's drop the men and discuss something more profitable. You were speaking about that novel. Belle, when I interrupted you with my nonsense. What is it ? Belle. Mr, Colfax's latest. Have you read it ? May. No. What is its title ? Belle. Miss Dawcett ; A Moder7i Romance. Dolly. Is it good ? Belle. For nothing! Here's a sample {picking up the book and reading in a melodramatic style), " O Leon ! my darling, you ask me if I am willing to give up all for love. You ask me that ! When you know that if you should tell me to leap into the co-o-ld, dark sea I should do so, happy that I was dying at your behest. Leon, woman exists only for man. There is no value in living without some strong bosom on which to rest her timid, tender heart." Think of a man writing such truck as that and putting it into the mouth of the Nineteenth Century woman ! Pah ! It is sickening ! {She shuts the book, and tossing it down o?i the floor, puts her foot disdainfully on it.) May. I wonder where he gets his ideas of women from ? '8 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Dolly, {slyly) Probably from New York, dear. He lives there, doesn't he ? May. Yes, my own ; but he was born in Philadelphia and spent his early life there. His heroines are probably col- ored by his early impressions. Dolly. Then his memory has been distorted by the years he has spent away from there. The mamiishncss of the average New York maiden has probably driven him to the other extreme. . May. Dolly Mayfair, I consider that a libel upon the girls of my city. I want you to remember that I am from New York. Dolly. {pifyi?igly) Poor New York ! Belle, ijioldmg up the bon-bon box) There ! There ! You two are always fighting over your native cities. It is really very bad form. Sweeten up, dears, and confine your re- marks to Miss Daivcett and its illustrious writer. I think we girls owe it to our sex to enlighten him upon some things. Dolly. What a delightful subject he will be for experi- mentation. But you must count me out. Fm afraid of him. Belle. Afraid of him ? Of a man ! Dolly. To be sure ! I'm not an Amazon. He is so big and broad and distinguished that he quite overwhelms poor little me. May. Yes, but he has lovely eyes, and a perfect dream of a mustache ; and his voice — his voice — Oh ! it haunts me still ! {Enter Mr. Colfax from door.) Colfax, {tossing the stump of a cigar onto the drive) Whose voice has the honor of haunting Miss McCollum ? May. {sotto voce) Mercy ! {aloud) Why — er — how you startled me ! Colfax. Awfully sorry. Perhaps I had better go back and try it over again. Maybe then I shall find out the name of the lucky individual whose voice haunts you. Dolly. Ha ! ha ! You are just as likely to find out if you stay. Belle. Pray, how is it you have absented yourselves so long from the ladies since lunch ? Colfax. A letter kept me, and, of course, the inevitable cigar, but the sound of your voices drew me even from that charmer. Belle, {languidly) That's rather lame, Mr. Colfax. I notice your cigar — as usual — took precedence of the ladies. That is the way with you men. And even now, I warrant, I AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 9 you only sacrificed the stump. A cigar lias its limitations, like everything else. Colfax, {smilingly stroking his mustache and lazily seat- ing himself in a steainer chair) Yes, Miss Walling ; a cigar has its limitations. In that respect it is very much like woman. Belle, {icily) Ah ! indeed ! Pray tell us in what manner we women have the honor of resembling the weed. Colfax. Well, just as a cigar begins to grow really fas- cinating we men have to tear ourselves away from it or it singes our mustaches. You know, or, pardon me, you don't know, the sweetest part of a cigar to an old smoker is the stump. As with the cigar, so with woman. Just as one begins to enjoy the sweets of her society she grows danger- ous by falling in love — and, presto ! We men have to leave or suffer the consequences. May. {i?igenuously) Dear me ! do women really fall in love nowadays ? I thought all that nonsense was a thing of the past — or of novels {demurely). Colfax. Where do you get such ideas, my dear Miss McCollum ? From the book that lies neglected at Miss Walling's feet ? What is it ? May I see ? Belle, {indiffereyitly) Really, what was I reading ? Oh ! yes, I remember ! To be sure you may see it. {She drags one slippered foot carelessly over it just as he stoops to pick it up) Colfax. How disdainfully you treat it. Who is the un- fortunate author ? — ah ! — I see ! Belle, {maliciously) Do you happen to know the book? Colfax. I think I have seen it somewhere. What do you think of it ? Belle, {critically) It is printed on excellent paper. Colfax. Yes ? Belle. And is well bound. Colfax. Again yes ? Belle. And has some lovely illustrations. Colfax. The essentials having been so felicitously com- mented upon, what do you think of the unessential — the story ? Belle, {as if she had forgotten that part of the book) Oh ! the story ! Well, it has a fair plot, is well punctuated and I haven't noticed any misspelled words, but — Colfax. Yes—" but " ? Belle. But its heroine is an anachronism. There ! As you've insisted on my judgment, you have it unglossed. lO AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Colfax, {bowing) And how, may I ask, is the heroine an anachronism ? Belle. She is entirely too namby-pamby and wishy- washy for this age. The days of F'annie Burney's weeping Niobes have passed away forever. It is entirely out of date for your heroine to talk of dying for a man, or to declare that she exists only for his Royal Highness. If you will pardon a friend's frankness, Mr. Colfax, that is pure rubbishy sentimentalism. Colfax, {arising with an extravagaiit gesture of mock despair) I am crushed ! — demolished ! — flattened out into an unrecognizable novelist — and by a woman ! — a frail, delicate woman ! Ye gods ! I am ruined ! I shall never again dare to touch her. I shall have to write my next novel without a heroine — but — ha ! {tragi-comically) has Miss Walling ever been in love ? Belle. Mercy! I? In love? Dear me, never! Colfax. Then I really must decline to accept you as an authority on sentiment. If you have never been in love you are not a competent critic. How about that, Miss May- fair ? Am I not right ? Dolly, {humming) " You are right, and Belle is right, and all is right as right can be." May. {biting another bon-bon) By the way, Mr. Colfax, have you really ever been in love either ? Belle, {clapping her hands) Bravo ! May ; bravo ! Dolly. One good turn deserves another, Mr. Colfax. " The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth !" Colfax. Frankly, ladies, no ; never ! May. Then you — Dolly. Shouldn't write^ Belle. About love ! Colfax, {addressing the heavens) *' Othello's occupation's gone !" Belle. I have a bright idea, Mr. Colfax. Colfax. Illumine me with it. Belle. If you really can't fall in love after a fair effort, get some one who has been through the mill to look after your heroines and their love affairs. In other words, a literary partner wouldn't be a bad idea for you. May. a course in the School of Love, under Professor Cupid, would be the best, though. Colfax. Mirabile dictu ! A Daniel come to judgment. Miss Walling, your suggestion does you credit. I will act upon it in my very next work. But I must away to my AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER II desk. Fourteen letters to write and a story for Harpers before midnight. Adios ! Belle. Adieu. May. Must you go ! Dolly. Farewell. {Exit Mr. Colfax — door') ^ May. He's delicious ! Dolly. He's sweet ! Belle. Stuff! He's spoiled, and by women, too. Dolly. What a noble work it will be to unspoil him ! May. Glorious ! but how ? Belle. Take the conceit out of him! Cr — r — r— ush him ! May. The contract is yours, dear. Go in and win. {Enter Mr. Pennington — rigJit) Mr. Penn. {excitedly) Have any of you ladies seen Colfax ? Belle. He has just gone to his rooms. Dolly Harry, what on earth's the matter with you ? You look as if you had been in a fight. Mr. Penn. {Jiercely) I have been insulted 1 All. How ? Why ? By whom ? Mr. Penn. {shaking his fist at an imaginary enemy) That scoundrel Van Artsdalen and I had some words about the speed of our horses, and he finally called me a— a liar !— me, a liar — think of it ! May. Well, what did you do then ? Mr. Penn. {zinping his face) I called him another! Dolly, {disappointedly) Is that all? O Penny! the honor of Philadelphia is at stake. Mr. Penn. It is safe in my hands. It is pistols for two to-morrow morning at six I Belle. Mercy ! May. You're joking ? Dolly. O Penn.! that's too much! Why don't you run your horses, or pitch pennies, or something. Mr. Penn. {ferociously) It is blood! b-1 — o — o — d! Where's Colfax ? He must be my second ! {Exit through door) Belle. Well, give me a man for foolishness ! Dolly. It was contemptible, though, of Mr. Van Arts- dalen to call Penn. a liar. May. {warmly) I suppose he deserved it ! Dolly. I don't believe he did. Penny's as truthful as the simlight. Why, he's a Quaker ! May. And Ward's a New Yorker, I'd have you know. Dolly. Guilty on the first count ! 12 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER May. Do you mean to insinuate, Miss Mayfair, that a New Yorker would tell an untruth ? Dolly, {stiffly) I never insinuate. May. {Jiotly) I beg your pardon, but you do ! Dolly, {hotly) I he.^your pardon, but I do 710 1 ! Belle. Goodness, gracious ! You girls are equal to two children. The next thing I'll have to second another duel. Peace ! Peace ! We must set our wits to work to keep these bloody-minded men from doing each other harm. {Enter Mr. Van Artsdalen — left) Mr. Van. {excitedly) Say, May, have you seen Colonel Lee about ? I want him. May. Not since luncn. Ward. What's the trouble ? Mr. Van. Why, that infernal ninny, Pennington, has called me a liar, and I am going to have his heart's blood! Belle. Oh ! I wouldn't. It might kill him. Mr. Van. {fiercely) Th3 blood of the Van Artsdalens would turn to water in my veins if I did not wipe out this insult ! I must find Lee. {Exit door) Belle, {in alarm) It is getting serious. It would be dreadful if they should really come to blows. May. Well, if the worst comes to the worst, I hope Ward won't get hurt. Dolly. And I hope Penn. wont get injured. May. He deserves to be for being so ungentlemanly. Dolly. My compliments, and the same sentiments for Mr. Van Artsdalen ! Belle. Dear me ! What shall I do with such a lot ol fire-eaters ? I believe the whole world's gone wrong. May. You haven't a particle of spunk. Dolly. You're neither flesh, fowl, nor good red herring! Belle. W'lat have I done ? May. Why don't you sympathize with Ward ? ( Walks azvav to right in a huff) Dolly. Why don't you sympathize with Penn. ? ( Walks away to left in a huff) Belle, {staring helplessly after each retreating form) Well ! well ! What shall I do to restore peace ? I must see Mr. Colfax, and at once. {She starts to enter the door at the same moment that Mr. Colfax is coming out. Result, they run into each other) Belle. I beg your pardon ! How you starded me ! ^ Colfax. Here's a pretty how d' ye do. These two silly chaps are bound to fight each other, and Penn. insists on my being his second ! {At the i?istant of this encounter, May at the right extreme and Dolly at the left extreme of AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 1 3 the piazza, walk into the arms of Mr. Van. and Mr. Penn. respectively') May. Mercy ! how you frightened me ! Mr. Van. It is blood ! But I can't find Lee anywhere. May. I'll help you hunt for him. {He and May go out — left) Dolly, {at the other extretne) Goodness ! how you scared me. Mr. Penn. Ha ! It is setded ! To-morrow morning at six. Revolvers. Ten paces. {Exeunt both — right) {N. B. — Action in all three collisions must be simultaneous ; dialogue coiisecutive) Colfax. {remaini7ig at the door wHJi'^yaa.y) What is to be done if this frenzy keeps up ? Belle. If they insist on fighting, it must be with blank, cartridges, of course. Colfax. That's the bother of the thing. Colonel Lee is an old war dog and he will probably insist that everything be done on the square. He'll be for tragedy, not comedy. Belle. Can't the police prevent it ? Colfax. Yes, if the worst comes to the worst. But think of the publicity. We should all figure in to-morrow's papers in a most ridiculous light. Belle. Horrors ! but can't we get rid of the Colonel in some way ? Colfax. Ha ! ha ! we might kidnap him to-night. Belle. V/hy not send him a bogus telegram, summoning him home to New York before the duel comes off? Colfax. Beautiful ! We'll do it ! I know the name of his partner, and I'll sign his name to a dispatch that shall read thus : " The store is in flames. Come home at once." Belle. That will work, I am sure. Colfax. But what on earth will we do for a second for Van ? He'll distrust me, because I am Penn.'s aid, and might insist on examining the weapons too closely if I at- tempted to act for both. Belle. Why, can't I take the Colonel's place ? Colfax, {amused) You? Belle. Yes ; why not ? We'll bribe Eddie to deliver the dispatch in time to get the Colonel off on the 5.15 train in the morning, and I shall appear on the scene opportunely and offer my services — reluctantly, of course — at your sug- gestion. Colfax. Have you the nerve to carry it out ? Belle. Try me. Why I am positively not even afraid of a mouse. 14 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Colfax. Ha ! ha ! That is sufficient proof. Belle. Those belHgerent fellows must be kept apart this evening. In their present state they are likely to dis- grace us at any moment. Colfax. Can't Miss Mayfair and Miss McCollum be trusted to look after them ? Belle. Oh ! dear no ! They are as eager for war as the men. It's New York versus Philadelphia, and you know what that means. Why, they are even down on poor me because I don't sympathize with their different opinions. Colfax. Well, I'll go and attend to the bogus dispatch and the bell boy, and leave you to look after the warring factions. Belle. Mercy ! The responsibility overwhelms me 1 But I'll do my best. Good-bye! Colfax. Farewell ! {Exit door.) {Loud conversation is heard to right.) Belle. I wonder who is coming? Such a chatter of tongues ! {Enter May and Mr. Van Artsdalen, both talk- ing excitedly.) Belle, {with gesture of despair) The engagement has begun ! May. {to Ward) Ward Van Artsdalen, the honor of New York rests upon you to-morrow. You must be worthy of your ancient name, and conquer the ignoble Quaker ! Mr. Van. {raising- his hand aloft) I will! I will! By George, May, I shall punch his nose if I meet him. To- morrow is too far away. May. {rapturously) Oh ! aren't you lovely ? I'm so sorry I declined going driving with you to-morrow ; and to think you asked that deceitful little minx, Dolly Mayfair ! Mr. Van. 'Twas Hobson's choice — you wouldn't and she would. But I suppose the drive's off now. May. Why .? Mr. Van. {tragically) I may be cold in death ! May {bursting into tears) Don't, Ward ! You can't m 2an it ! Mr. Van. You don't suppose we are doing this thing for fun, do you ? May. {sobbing) Oh ! I didn't really think you would shoot each other with real bullets. Mr. Van. {with sarcasm) What did you expect us to use ? Pea-shooters ? May. {convulsively) No-o — o ! but you could shoot up in the air, like they do in the plays. It would be so noble and magnanimous 1 I AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 1 5 Mr. Van. Fiddlesticks ! Magnanimous with that fellow ! He don't know the meaning of the word. No, May ; either he or I must redden the sands of the shore with our blood. May. {catching sight of Belle at the entrance) O Belle ! what shall we do ? Ward and Mr. Pennington are in dead earnest. It's dreadful ! I don't want anybody killed ! Belle. Mr. Van Artsdalen do be forgiving ! May. Yes, do ! Mr. Van. Neve-r-r-r ! Belle, {sotto voce) Suppose they meet in this frame of mind! There will be bloodshed sure. I must get him away. I wonder if he can be intimidated? {Aloud) Mr. Van Artsdalen, I wouldn't advise you to spend much time around here just now. Mr. Van. Why not, pray ? {boldly^ Belle. Mr. Pennington is looking for yoxx with a six- shooter. He declares he won't wait till to-morrow. And I know from positive evidence he's a dead shot. May. i^iei'vously) O Ward ! Ward ! He may be aiming at you now from somewhere ! Mr. Van. {dodging) He wouldn't murder me, would he ? Belle. He's a dangerous man when he is aroused. May. Ward, go to your room, do ! There's a dear good fellow. Mercy ! What is that ? I hear his voice ! Go ! Belle, {pushing him) Yes; go I Quick!! (Mr. Van. rtishes through door.) {Enter, left, Dolly and Mr. Pen- nington.) Dolly, {to Penn.) You musn't show the white feather, or all Philadelphia shall know your shame. Mr. Penn. {boldly) You know me well enough for that, Dolly. Dolly. To think of calhng you a liar ! Mr. Penn. {zvith rising wrath) Only to think ! By Gad ! I could wring his neck, the villain ! Dolly. I shall be on hand to witness the encounter. Mr. Penn. 'Twill be no place for women. Dolly. Why not ? Mr. Penn. {gloomily) Suppose I am killed ! Dolly. Ugh ! Don't ! I hadn't thought of that. Mr. Penn. Well, I had. You don't imagine we are jest- ing, do you ? Dolly. Jesting ? No ; but I didn't think you would try to kill each other. Mr. Penn. {sardonically) Ha ! ha ! ha ! What'd you ex- pect us to do ? Throw sand in each other's eyes and then cry " Quits " ? l6 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Dolly, {in tears) Oh ! If you are really serious, I don't think I want you to fight ! Mr. Penn. {to tJie Iieavens) Give me a woman for con- sistency ! Here you've been egging me on, Dolly Mayfair, and now you want me to back down ! Dolly, {sobbing) Well, you both might be killed — and that would be dreadful ! Mr. Pemn. {gloomily^ If I fall, Dolly, will you write to my parents that I died for the honor of my city ? Dolly, {wit Ji f res Ji sobs) Yes — y-e — s — Penny. I w-i — 11; but cu — cu — couldn't you sa-sa — save — the city's ho — ho — honor i"h some o-o — other way ! Mr. Penn. {tragically) No ! By heavens, it is blood and blood alone will wipe the stain away ! Dolly, {spying May and Belle in entrance) O girls ! it is horrible ! They're going to kill each other ! Can't we prevent it in some way ? May. {sobbing afresh) Oh ! Mr. — Mr. — Pen — Pen — Pen- nington, do be merciful. Belle. Yes, do, and we girls will adore you. Dolly. Yes — yes — please do. Penny, — tha — tha — that's a de — de — dear, good fellow ! Mr. Penn, {grandly) The tears of women are of no avail where honor is at stake ! Belle, {sotto voce) I must take the wind out of his sail, too. {Aloud) Mr. Pennington, with the permission of the ladies, I would like a word with you in private. Mr, Penn. A dozen, if you like. {They step a few paces away.) Belle. As a friend, I would advise you not to show yourself much around here before the duel. Mr, Penn. I should like to know why. Do you imagine I fear my antagonist ? That ! for him ! {Snappbig his fin- gers) Bell. He is armed with a six-shooter, and he was here just a moment ago vowing vengeance on you. He will shoot you on sight if he gets the chance. I really don't feel safe standing by your side. He is a dead shot, too. You had better get to your room and not appear till time for the duel. Mr. Penn. {nei'vously looking over his shoulder) I — I didn't think he was such a fiend ! Belle. Oh ! he's a perfect fire-eater. Be wise while it is yet time. Hark ! I hear a step ! Go ! — for your life ! (Mr. Penn. daiHs to left a?id disappears) {Enter ^ door, Mr. Colfax.) AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 1/ Colfax. Everything- is arranged. Belle. I am so glad you have returned ! I have had my hands full keeping those mad men apart. May. It is horrible ! Dolly. It is dreadful ! Belle. Dears, you had both better go to your rooms. It must not appeal' that we have had anything to do with the wretched affair. Just suppose it should get into the papers ! May. Horrors ! Belle. And your eyes are all red with weeping ; you will attract attention. Do be sensible, both of you, and go ! Dolly. My head is bursting ; 1 guess I will take your advice. May. And I. too. {Exeunt both, centre) Belle, {fetching a long breath) There ! They're all gone. Oh ! what a strain my poor nerves have been on ! And I have told some dreadful fibs ! Colfax, {smiling) They were for a good cause, no doubt. How did you manage the men ? Belle. Told each one that the other was hunting for him with a six-shooter. The way they sought cover was killing ; I could have roared only for the woebegone faces of Dolly and May. The fight is all out of the quartette. The duel will be a perfect farce. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Colfax. Unless Colonel Lee's telegram fails to do its work. Belle. That would be awful ! It mustn't ! I shall get up at four o'clock to-morrow morning and see that Eddie does his duty. Colfax. You are an admirable woman. I forgive you for handling my book without gloves. Belle. Has a word to the wise been sufficient ? Colfax. It has. After the duel— ha ! ha ! ha !— I want to speak with you further in reference to that partnership which you were brilliant enough to suggest. But the duel is paramount now. Remember, to-morrow morning at six, on the mile beach. Till then, adieu ! {Exit Mr. C— right.) Belle, {looking after him) He's not such a bad fellow, after all. His one fault is that he doesn't understand women {striking- a serio-comic attitude), and mine shall be the duty to enlighten him ! {A bell rings loudly.) Mercy ! the dinner bell ! and I'm not dressed. I must fly ! ! {Exit— left.) {Curtai?i) Act II. SCENE. — Should represejit a strip of sandy beach with the ocean stretching away in the backgroiDid. The ribs of an old wreck project above the sand to right and a sand- dune with patches of coarse grass and bay plants growing on it^ to left. {Enter, left, Belle a7id Mr. Colfax, Mr. C. carrying a hand-bag?^ Colfax. Thank heavens ! the Colonel is off to New York. I followed him to the depot to make sure that he took the train. Belle. Glorious ! Have you attended to the loading of the revolvers with blanks ? Colfax. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Yes ; the deadly missiles are in place. Belle. I wonder if the duelists will really appear ? Colfax. I think so, but I imagine they are both heartily sick of the whole business. They haven't showed their faces since yesterday afternoon. Belle. Ha ! ha ! each one regards the other as an assas- sin, thanks to my fibs. Colfax. Ah ! there comes Harry Pennington, and yes — by George ! Dolly Mayfair with him. (iS'/z/t'r, /j Mr. Penn. {looking at diamond ring which he holds in his fiyigers and soliloquizing) Well, my brief dream is ended ! Three weeks of bliss — and now — despair ! Yes, Dolly and I quarreled last night. Just a trifle started it, too — a simple remark of mine about May looking really beautiful in her new gown is to blame. What was there in that ? Can't a man speak of another woman when he is engaged ? By George ! Love is a queer plant. It wants all the sunshine and the dew the heart can give, and will permit no single ray of friendship or admiration to fall on any other soil. Like Oliver Twist, Love sups and still cries " More !" I have put my heart in the Bank of Love, and the first quarrel has made a run upon it sufficient to bankrupt it. Confound it ! I shall turn cynic and drink gall 1 I shall become a woman-hater and bury myself in a hermitage ! Love is a melodrama and the actors are cheats 1 Jealousy is the vil- lain — the first quarrel the prompter — and hate rings down the curtain on the last act. Bah ! I'm done with it forever 1 {Ejiter Mr. Van Artsdalen, door?) Mr. Van. {tragically) Penn, I am going to kill myself! Mr. Penn. {putting the riiig hastily in his pocket) What's up ? Mr. Van. All's up ! May has thrown me over. The game's ended and I've lost. Mr. Penn. {sympathetically) You don't say so 1 Why, old fellow, I'm in exacdy the same boat. Dolly and I have separated forever. Mr. Van. {tragically) They have trifled with us both ! Let them beware ! Mr. Penn. {gloomily) What's to be done ? Mr. Van. {desperately) I shall shoot myself in her pres- ence and expire at her feet ! Mr. Penn. Nonsense ! I wouldn't give her that satisfac- tion. Mr. Van. Satisfaction ? 29 30 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Mr. Penn. Exactly. Shoot yourself for a woman, and she'll shed a tear, say " Poor fool ! He loved me well." and forget you for the next suitor. Pshaw ! We have been idiots ! Let us be wise and abjure women forever ! Mr. Van. {sadh) I thought in May I had met my affinity. Mr. Penn. And I was sure Dolly was mine, but it seems that we were both mistaken. Mr. Van. I suppose they are laughing at the two of us. Mr. Penn. Ha! I have an idea! Mr. Van. What is it ? Mr. Penn. I shall make desperate love to your XdXo. fiancee and you shall make love to mine. Mr. Van. That's brilliant tomfoolery ! What would be gained ? Mr. Penn. Well, in the first place our ex-loves wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing us mope. And in the second place, when a woman sees that a man can get along per- fectly well without her, she begins to want him again. Mr. Van. Where have you gotten your extraordinary insight into the female heart ? Mr. Penn. Ha! ha! From long and careful study of the sutjject an naturel. Mr. Van. There is wisdom in your observations. On second thought I agree. When shall we begin our cam- paign ? Mr. Penn. At once. Mr. Van. At once ! How ? Mr. Penn. We will each write a note asking the maiden of our choice to meet us, say at the rustic seat on the ocean lawn. Make the time of our appointments about half an hour apart, or long enough for me to stroll up the beach with May and give you a free field with Dolly ; then you will start up the beach, too, and I will be coming back with May by that time. We will meet unconcernedly, make some flippant remarks, and pass on. 'Twill be beautiful ! What disdain the maidens will cast upon each other and upon us ! Come to my den and we will concoct the notes. Mr. Van.. Glorious ! I can see it all. But, I say, old fellow, you will have to write both billets. I have a deu- cedly sore hand. Mr. Penn. All right. Pve never had occasion to write a line to either of the girls before. My presence here con- tinually has rendered love letters unnecessary. Mr. Van. Same here. But come! Time is flying. They will be down soon for the afternoon. Penny, you are AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 3I a Machiavelli. {Exeiait both, door. Enter Belle, fi^07)i rig/iL) Belle, {slowly walking with drooping head) Why showld love be an entering wedge for misery? Here are Dolly and May unhappy and Mr. Pennington and Mr. Van Arts- dalen wretched over their broken engagements, and I — I — Oh ! why is he so blind. We have been writing of love together, and he, who knows naught about it, has taught me to adore him, while I, who know now all love's mean- ing, can teach him less than nothing. {Enter Mr. Colfax, door) Belle, {sotto voce) Ah ! there he is, and I must cover my love with simple friendship's mask! Good afternoon, Mr. Colfax. Colfax. Miss Walling, I have been searching every- where for you. Belle, {gayly) That is delightful. You know we women like to be sought after. Colfax. A pleasant weakness, which we men are not unwilling to encourage. What I wanted to see you about is to tell you that, owing to a little business at the Branch, I shall be unable to attend to any writing until four o'clock. At that hour I shall be at liberty to put, with your assistance, the finishing touches to our joint effort. Will the time suit? Belle. Any hour suits me ; and, besides, 'twill give me more time to perfect that love scene from my point of view. Colfax. By the way, the course of true love has shown its proverbial crookedness with our mutual friends. Penny and Van. are looking as woebegone as fishes out of water, and I haven't been able to catch a glimpse of the ladies since the " hop " last evening. Are they really out for good? Belle. I trust it is only a lovers' quarrel ; I shall try to act as mediator, if I can, Colfax. I wish you success. They have made excel- lent subjects for me to study these past three weeks. I have made considerable progress in my knowledge of love, ha ! ha! ha! Belle. I'm afraid your knowledge even now is only surface deep. It don't come from the right source. Love is born in the heart, not outside. Colfax, {smiling) Whence this increase of heart lore on my fair Athena's part? Belle. "A woman has more of intuition than a man. Perhaps that accounts for my wisdom. 32 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Colfax. Whatever the source, I am sure my, or rather our book will reap the benefit of your learning in the soul- ful finale. Adios for the present. {Exit, door.) Belle, {biiierly) Blind and heartless both ! He speaks of love as flippantly as if it were a mere incident of life instead of the keystone of existence. Oh ! that I could teach him tlie truth ! The tortures of Tantalus are summer pastimes compared with those a woman endures who loves, and dares not let it be known. {She sighs and walks to the left of piazza, and disappears) {Enter Eddie, the bell- boy, door, with two envelopes in his hand. He looks in every direction, the?i seats himself in chair by door)) Eddie, {solil. ) I don' know whar dose ladies is. Not in. der rooms — not yere. Reckon I'll done hab to set yere and wait fo' 'em. Mus' be 'ticlar impo'tant, cos Mistah Van Ars'len an' Mistah Penn'gton, done gib me half a dollah apiece fo' deliberin' dese yere 'pistles safe 'n sound. Yah ! yah ! Dem fellahs hab got it bad ! Jes' nothing but billin' and cooin' round yere for two or tree weeks. Ef I goes out on de piaze aft' dark to straighten de cheers, dehs Mistah Penn'gton and Miss Mayfair a yum-yummin in some co'ner, or if I looks into de pariah and tink it's empty dehs Mistah Van Ars'len and Miss 'Collum a chewin' tooty- frooty on de sofa. I 'clar' to goodness, it's nuff to make dis niggah sick. {Looks at letters) Ki yi ! Golly ! deys done fo'got to seal dese yer 'pistles up. Dis chile's gwine to see how dat white trash make lub. ( Takes the note out of one envelope and reads slowly) " Deah fren' " — humph ! clat's a drefful po' way to 'gin a letter to a sweetheart ! When I writes to Chloe I sez " my own beautifullest lub " or suthin' like dat. Guess I'll hab to gib dem fellahs some pin'tahs on writin' lub letters. Le's see ef dehs any ting bettah dan de startin' out. {reads) " Dear fren', you will be 'sprised to get dis note from me." {solil) 'sprised ! yah ! yah ! I 'specs deys a passin' ob 'em all de time when dey aint a huggin' and kissm an' a makin' sheep's eyes at one anudder. {reads) *' you'll be 'sprised to get dis note from me, but I wants to see yo' on berry 'ticlar business." {solil) Yah ! mo' squeezin', I spec ! " 'tic'lar business, and I asks yo', as a favoi', to meet me at half-past tree o'clock at de rustic bench. Yours trooly. Ward Van Ars'len." {Laying letter on his lap and staring at it) Well, dat's mos' s'prisin' lub letter el)er I see ! I don' see no lub in dat, no mo'n nothin' at all. I wondah ef dis udder 'pistle am a de- provement on dis yere truck ? ( Takes out second letter and reads) " Deah fren'." {solil) Well, dese yere white folks AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 33 ain' got no sense o' lub writin's. I guess " deah fren' " mus' be fash'nable. Yah ! yah ! Well yere's de res', (reads) " Yo'll be 'sprised to get dis note from me, but I wants to see yo' on berry 'tic'lar business, and I asks yo', as a favor, to meet me at tree o'clock at de rustic bench. Yours trooly, Harry Pennington." Well, did yo' ebber in all yo' bo'n days ! Does I see double, or does dey buy dese yere lub letters by de gross ready made .? I clar to gracious ! deys done bote write 'em de eyedentical same way, han'writin' an' all, 'ceptin' dehs a half hour's dif 'fence in de time. Well, dat gets my pimpernickle ! Dese yere white folks am too much for dis niggah. Lub letters ! Yah ! yah ! yah ! Oh ! my golly, deh comes Miss Mayfair ! 'Specs I get my neck bruck, ef I don' get dese yere in fo' she gets yere ! Crickey me! which am which? Sho ! niggah, don' be a fool! ob cos', Mistah Penn'gton's writin' to Miss Mayfair an' Mistah Van Ars'len am to Miss 'Collum. {^Putting the wrong letters in the envelopes?) 'Specs I'd bettah paste 'em up, too. Might tink dis niggah been readin' 'em. Yah I yah ! {He hastily seals them up and puts them hi his pocket?) {Enter, left piazza, Dolly.) Dolly, {with downcast face, slowly strolling) Ah, me ! What a little thing can change one's whole life. Just a few words and Harry and I are out forever I The world is a blank to me. I don't care whether I live or die. ( Throws out her hands with a gesture of despair.) Eddie, {sotto voce) Hi, golly ! Guess dat gal ain' a feel- in' well way she's a pawin' de air ! Dolly, {solil) But pshaw ! There are as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it 1 He's quick tempered or he would never have gotten so angry over my playfully ob- jecting to his praising May. Just as if I cared a cent how much he praised her 1 Humph ! I'll show him I can be as independent as he can. What is it, Eddie ? Eddie, {approaching and holding out the note) Yere's a lettah. Miss, from a gemmelman what was berry 'tic'lar dat I should deliber it to yo' in pusson. Dolly, {taking it eagerly) Thanks, Eddie ! Eddie. Yo' welcome, ma'am. {Retiring to his chair?) Dolly, {strolling back the way she came and hastily tear- ing the envelope) I wonder who this can be from ? Do you suppose he can have had the temerity to write to me after last night's bitter words ? {Reads) " Dear friend," oh I how cold that sounds ! " You will be surprised to get this note from me, but I want to see you on very particular business, and I ask you, as a favor, to meet me at the rustic 3 34 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER bench at three o'clock. Yours truly, Harry Pennington." {solil) Meet him ! What for, I wonder ? To listen to more of his cruel speeches ? I'll not go ! No ! I shall treat this with silent contempt. Does he think he can treat me as he did last night and then whistle me back hke a dog ? But, maybe he is sorry. Maybe I did seem jealous to him. Poor boy ! I wonder if he is suffering ? This is such a humble note. I — I — believe — I will grant him this one favor. Three o'clock 1 Why, 'tis nearly that now. I must hasten. {She hums a song, and comes back to centre^ Thank you, Eddie, very much ! Here's a quarter for you. Eddie, {grinning) Tank'ee, Missy! {Exit Dolly.) Yah ! yah ! yah ! she am as chipper as a June bug. Wisht deh war' jes' a dozen o' dem lubbers roun' yere, 'spec's I could retiah from business pretty soon, den. I wondah whar dat Miss 'Collum am ? Deh she comes, as sho's yo's bo'n. {Enter May, right, slowly) May. {bitterly) What a fool a woman is ! To give her heart to any man, thinking that 'twill be safe in his keeping forever. Bah ! 'twould be safer with dogs. A remark of mine about Mr. Colfax's genius has turned Ward's love to ice and mine to gall. Oh ! I am miserable ! {She throws out her arms as if in agony) Eddie, {sotto voce) I 'clar to gracious, Miss 'Collum am a feelin' bad, too. First Miss Mayfair, she act dat a-way, and den Miss 'Collum she act dis a-way, an' dey bofe look like dey'd swallowed cowcumbers and ice-cream. Lub nebber affected dis chile dat bad. Yah ! yah ! May. {solil) But he shall not see that I suffer ! I shall laugh as merrily as if I had never known him, and flirt des- perately with the next man I meet. He shall see that the sun doesn't rise and set in him. Ah ! Eddie, what have you ? Eddie, {holding out note) Yere's a lettah from Mistah Van Ars'len. Bery 'tic'lar business, he said. May. {eagerly) Thank you, Eddie ! Eddie. Yo's puffectly welcome, Missy. {He returns to his seat by door) May. {walkhig away) I wonder what he wants ? {She reads) " Meet him !" He's cool ! Last night he said I was " fickle," " heardess " — now he wants me to meet him ! Am I a plaything that he can throw aside and take up when His Majesty pleases ? Fll not gradfy him ! I'll show him a v/oman has spunk. I wonder what he really does want to see me about ? Can he be in earnest ? I wonder if I hadn't better see him just this once, and tell him that this AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 35 must end it all ? Yes — I will ! O Ward, Ward ! {She re- turns to centre) Here, Eddie, is a twenty-five cent piece for your trouble. Eddie. T'ank yo', Missy. {Exit May, door.) Eddie. Yah ! She done feel bettah, too ! 'Specs dey'll hab some mo' yum-yummin' dis arternoon. Mus' be berry 'tic'lar, too. Ki yi ! One doUah an' a half fo' dis business. I hopes dey takes to writin' notes all day long. Dere's mo' in it fo' dis chicken dan dis yere squeezin' in de dark. Yah ! yah ! yah ! {Enter Dolly, door, in waltzing costume}^ Dolly. Eddie, you haven't seen Mr. Pennington, have you ? Eddie. Yeth'm ; seed him roun' yer somewhere. Reckon he's done gone fo' a walk. Dolly. Oh ! Thank you, Eddie, {SJie walks hastily to right and disappears^ Eddie. Deh's one ob 'em gone. I reckon sugar and molasses'U be berry cheap pretty soon. Unk, unk ! I be- gins to feel like I would like to do some spahkin' myself. I wondah ef I could fin' dat yaller Chloe 'round dah in de laundry ? I'se gwine to see, ennyhow. {Enter Mr. Penn., door.) Mr. Penn. {carelessly) Anybody been along lately, Eddie ? Eddie, {slyly) Yeth, sah ! Some one jest gone dat a-way. {Jerkifig his thumb in tJie direction Dolly has taken) Mr. Penn. If you see Mr. yan Artsdalen, tell him I shall expect to see him in about half an hour. He will under- stand. {Exit i7i same direction as Dolly.) Eddie. Reckon Fll hab to go find Chloe ; my bosom's jes' a bustin' wid luv ! Yah ! yah ! yah ! {Exit) {Curtain) 36 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Scene II, Act III. SCENE. — A lawn oveiiookiug the sea. Rustic bench on left and some shrubbery scattei^ed about. {Enter Dolly, hastily, from right, crosses over to bench and looks in eveiy direction^ Dolly. He is not here yet. Oh ! what will he say ? My heart fails me. Suppose I come here to listen only to recriminations from him, 'twill kill me ! Oh ! — how my poor heart is beating ! — He is coming, I think. I will be calm. I shall be looking out to sea, and not know of his presence until he speaks. {Enter Penn. from right.) Mr. Penn. Ah ! She is there ! How like May is to Dolly in figure. O Dolly, Dolly ! How I do miss her ! I can put no heart into this flirtation. Yes, I will, too ! I am not a school boy to be scared by a pair of laughing eyes. {He ci^osses over to the silent figure of Dolly.) Mr. Penn. {gayly) Good afternoon ! Dolly, {starting and turning) Oh ! how you startled me ! Mr. Penn. {starting in turii) Good heavens ! You ? {Sot to voce) The notes must have gotten changed. That black rascal, Eddie, has mixed things up ! Dolly, {frigidly) You seem disappointed. Perhaps I had better save you the trouble of explaining why you asked me to meet you here by leaving. {She arises and moves toward right.) Mr. Penn. Dolly!! Dolly. Well ? Mr. Penn. I— I — you — you — Dolly. You are not very brilliant to-day, Mr. Penning- ton. Mr. Penn. {desperately) I am a fool, Dolly! Dolly. " An honest confession is good for the soul." Mr. Penn. Have you no pity ? Dolly, {coldly) For what ? Mr. Penn. For me ! Dolly. I am "heartless," "cold," "fickle," "jealous," " trifling " — such are your words of last evening. What else can you expect from such a wretch as I ? Mr. Penn. {appeali?igly) You know I didn't mean them ! Dolly. On the same principle, when you call me " dar- ling," " sweet," and " pet," I presume you do not mean them, either. Mr. Penn. Dolly, how can you talk so ? You know I love you ! AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 37 Dolly. I have heard you say that before, but last night stands between. Mr. Penn. {desperately) Have you no mercy tor me i Dolly. You had none for me. Mr Penn. How pitiless a woman can be ! Forgive me for intruding upon you. 1 shall leave you without troublmg you further. P'^arewell! ! {^He turns and starts toward the right?) Dolly. Harry ! Mr. Penn. {coldly) Well ? {Halting.) Dolly. Do you really mean what you say ? ^ Mr. Penn. Do you believe me capable of jestmg about my love ? {Movi?ig away) Dolly, {appealingly) Harry!! Mr. Penn. {returning a step) What is it? Dolly {holding her arms outstretched tenderly) Harry ! ! ! Mr. Penn. Darling ! ! ! ( They throw themselves into each other's arms. Eloquent silence) . i u Dolly, {archly) Are you sorry that you were a bad boy, dear ? Mr. Penn. {fondly) Drefful ! , Dolly. Then you may tiss me— jus once ! (Eddie and Chloe enter right at this stage of proceedings and behold the scene ^ Eddie. (/^ Chloe) Dere! Dey's at it, Chloe! Laws a- mussy, obsarbe him ! . t-u^ ^ i -rT.^r^ i Mr Penn {kissijig Dolly) There! There! There! There ! There ! , , . r n ^ •<- Eddie {to Chloe) Dat's de way de white folks does it Chloe Yah' Yah! Dere! Dere! Dere! Dere! Dere! (Kisses Chloe in mocking imitation ofUK. Penn. The two colored i7idividuals are screened from the view of the occu- pants of the pavilion by an evergreen bush, but in full view of """"dolly, {sitting closer) Isn't it nice to think our troubles are all over ? , ^ a \ Mr. Penn. Scrumptious ! But say, dear— ! Dolly. What is it, pet ? i m r FT.mp- Mr Penn. Pve a confession to make. (N B— Eddie and Chloe are peeping with deep interest all the time from behind the bush Of course plenty of funny and suggestive pantomime may be enacted by the two) „^„o-htv ? Dolly, {ijiterestedly) What is it? Something naughty? Mr. Penn. Dreadful ! Dolly. Don't tell me then ! Mr Penn. I didn't write that note to you ; 38 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Dolly, {drawing away from him) For whom then, pray ? Mr. Penn. {despei-ately) I wrote it to May McCollum. Dolly, {bursting into tears) O Harry ! Harry ! you have deceived me ! Oh ! oh ! my heart is breaking' ! Eddie, {to Chloe) Jimini crimini ! Heah comes an April shower ! Dat's no way to make lub ! Mr. Penn. {frenziedly) Listen, dear, while I explain ! Dolly, {sobbing) You can't explain ! Oh ! leave me ! leave me ! and go to your May ! Mr. Penn. {^frantically') You must listen to me ! After last night Ward and I made a plan to get up a flirtation with May and you — I with May, he with you. Dolly. How shameful ! Mr. Penn. Terrible ! And we agreed to write a note to each of you, asking you to meet us here a half hour apart ; then we were to pretend we didn't care a pin for our old loves, and we thought maybe our supposed indifference would bring all right again. But somehow or other the notes have been changed, and you have gotten May's and she probably has yours, and everything is mixed up. Dolly. To think you would stoop to such means ! Do you regret that the notes were wrongly delivered ? Mr. Penn. Darling!' {He folds her in his arms.) Eddie. Dey's off again, an' de sun am shinin' ! We ain' far behind. Yah ! yah ! {He imitates Mr. Penn.) Dolly, {listening and looking to right) Oh! here comes May. Come, dear, we must leave the field to her. I do hope she and Mr. Van Artsdalen will be as successful in coming to an understanding as we have been. Come 1 ( They both leave the pavilion and disappear to left) Eddie. Anudder one, Chloe ! {he kisses her) We's right up wid de band waggin ebery time ! Oh ! dere's Missy 'Collum ! She am a lookin' for dat 'tic'lar business, too, dem notes spoke about. He aint come yit. Reckon we can sit down an' look at de lan'scape awhile, till de nex' lesson. {He and Chloe sit with their faces to the sea on a bench behind the evergreen. Enter yihN from right) May {solil.) I do believe Dolly and Mr. Pennington have made up. Pm sure I saw him kiss her just now. And I — Oh ! my heart ! I am still out with Ward. Ah ! why did we quarrel ? It takes two to make a quarrel they say. Perhaps I was too hasty. Oh ! if my life should be blighted by a few words. Suppose he is cold. Pshaw ! I can be equally so. He must make the first advances. I shall play the role of indifference. He is coming. FU be busily read- AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 39 ingf my novel. {Seats herself ajid opens a paper novel. Enter Mr. Van, right.) Mr. Van. Ah ! I can just see Penn and May in the dis- tance. Tlie plot is working. Dolly is awaiting me. I wonder what in the deuce I will say to her ! Oh ! why did I make a fool of myself last night? Suppose Penn makes such desperate love to my darling as to win her ! By George, Pd shoot him ! How intently Dolly is reading. She has on one of May's wraps this afternoon. Oh ! if it were only my love how happy I would be ! {lie approaches) Busy reading, I see ! May. {turning slowly around) Oh ! it's you, is it ? Mr. Van. {starting, sotto voce) Heavens! {aloud) Good — good — good afternoon ! May. {coolly) Good afternoon. Mr. Van. You startled me ! I thought you were Miss May fair. May. {bitinglv) Perhaps the thought was father to a wish. Mr. Van. Heaven forbid ! May. You are suspiciously emphatic. To what am I in- debted for this note from you after last night ? Am I to listen to more insults ? Mr. Van. Insults! O May! May. Your very look was an insult last evening. Mr. Van. {stifflv) Perhaps my presence then is an insult to-day. I will bid you a very good afternoon. May. {stiffly) Good afternoon, Mr. Van Artsdalen. {She resumes her book.) Eddie, {peeping around the bush) Chloe, de secon' lesson am a gwine to be pos'poned by de looks ob tings. Dere seems to be a chill in de atmosphere ober dah. He's jus' a puttin' fo' home, an' she hab turned her back on him. I don' unstan' dese yere white folks ways of lubbin no how. {He and Chloe both watch the developments with deep inter- est) Mr. Van. {going slowly to right) I shall never cross your path again ! May. {coldly) You promise what I felt a delicacy in re- questing. Thanks ! {reading). Mr. Van. {sotto voce) How beautiful she is when she is angry ! But is she so utterly heartless as she pretends to be ? {alotid) May ! ! May. {turjiing slowly) Haven't you gone yet ? Is there anything more you wish to say ? Mr. Van. Yes, one thing. May. Go on ! 40 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER Mr, Van, {tenderly) I love you, dear ! May. {still eoldly) You say it beautifully ! But you show very poor taste ui loving a " frivolous coquette," and an *' incorrigible flirt. Such are the expressions you were pleased to apply to me at the dance last evening. Mr. Van. {lucnibly) I take them all back. May. To fling them at me again the next time you lose your temper ! Mr. Van. You have no feeling ! May. There ! You are beginning already : Mr. Van. {desperately) May, you will drive me into a frenzy ! Can you sit there, and be utterly indifferent to the slow torture I am enduring? May. You forget the long hours of the night, just passed, in which I endured the torture of a sleepless memory ! Mr. Van. You are a stone ! You cannot forget and for- give ! I shall not ask again ! ! {He rushes across to right) Eddie. Yah ! yah ! He goin' like he done fo'got somefm', Chloe, guess me an' you hab to give white folks some lessons, oursel's, yah ! {He kisses her) May. {spririging- up) Ward ! Ward ! Come back, please ! Mr. Van. {gloomily) Farewell forever! {Still striding away) May. {sotto voce, wildly) Oh ! what have I done ? What have I done ? I have killed his love ! {aloud) Ward, my darling, come to me ! ! Mr. Van. {halting) Are you jesting, or rehearsing for a melodrama ? May. {bursting into tears, and df'opping hito seat and buryi?ig her face in her hands on the back of the railing) Oh ! oh ! You are killing me ! Eddie. Golly, she am a playin' her trump kiard now, ef dem teahs don' fetch him nothin' will. Yeth sah ! didn't I tell you ? He's gwine back fit to kill himself! Mr. Van. {in alarm returning) May ! my precious I For- give me ! forgive me ! {He drops on his knees before her, and puts his arms about her) Eddie. O Lor' ! he's jes' puttin' on de style ! jes' as dey does in de lub scenes at the teatre. Yah ! yah ! Chloe, 'specs I'll hab to practice dat ar' movement, too ! {He drops down on his knees beside Chloe, a?id makes extravagant mockery <9/"Mr. Van.) May. {sobbi?tg hysterically) Wa — Wa — Ward, forgive me pi — pi — please for be — be — being so cruel ! Mr. Van. Forgive you, my own ! It is you that must forgive me. AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 4I May. I do ! I do ! Mr. Van. {taking hei^ ha?ids doivn, mid holding her face between his hands) Well, then, pet, '-top crying, and say you love me. May. {slowlj) I — love — you ! {Eloquent eclipse}} Eddie, {taking Chloe's/^^^ between his hands, too) Chloe, dat's anudder new fangle. But we's right wid de times. Dehs nothing slow 'bout us, chile, sho's you's bo'n ! May. {starting) Dear, I hear voices ! Who is coming ? Mr. Van. {looking) Botheration ! Mr. Colfax and Miss Walling are coming right this way. Come let us stroll further. ( They both arise a?id walk to left) May. {smiling) There is no rest for the wicked — or for lovers ! {Exeunt both left) EcDiE. Dat's the end of dis lesson, Chloe. Don' see no 'provement, gal, ober de ole fashion w^ay ob lub makin'. Guess we'll stick to de same ole styles. None ob dis yere pawin' de air, and droppin' on yo' knees, fo' me. 1 ain' a makin' a show of m^^self fo' no gal, yah ! yah ! yah ! An' dere comes Mistah Colfax, and Missy Walling. Dat settles it! Deys as prim as two church steeples. No lub dere. Guess we'd better take a promenade on de beach, Chloe. {Exeunt both right background) Enter, right, Bei.le and Mr. Colfax, ivith poiif olios) Colfax. Ha ! ha ! " The wicked flee w^hen no man pursueth." Belle. Ha ! ha ! ha ! What a pity it was to disturb that tete-a-tete ! It was so touching. Evidently everything is all right again. Colfax. And they have been putting into practice what we have been writing about. Belle. I wish we could make that last chapter as re- alistic as the scene we have witnessed. Colfax, I think you have done very well, indeed. {They enter pavilio?i — sit down — arid open MS. portfolios) Belle, {taking up some pages) No, it does not suit me. The hero and heroine make love like puppets. Just listen ! {She reads) " ' Fairest love, I adore you !' said Ethelbert, taking her lily white hand in his. ' It is wrong to adore anything of earthly clay,' said Alicia, giving him a pale, timid smile. ' But you are my life ! my all !' said he passionately throwing himself at her feet and pressing her fingers to his lips " — There ! ha ! ha ! ha ! that strikes me as being perfectly ridiculous ! Doesn't it you ? Colfax. It does sound rather machine made. Ha 1 I have it ! We will act it out 1 42 AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDEF Belle, {laughing) A brilliant idea ! Let's have the scene, please ! Colfax, {arising and reading') " The moon was sailing aloft through the shredded clouds, and her pale rays fell upon the garden of the Count. By the side of the murmuring fountain, the noble Ethelbert, and the woman of his heart — the lovely Alicia — stood. From the wide open windows of the ball-room, the sweet strains of a Strauss waltz were pouring. Moved by the perfect beauty of the night, Ethel- bert turned to her — " Belle. That will do for the scene. Now for the acting. Begin, please. Colfax, {laughing) Well, here's at it ! {He stoops a little and looks down at Belle). " Alicia, I have been trying all the evening to tell you — that I love you !" Belle, {drooping her head timidly) " Love me ? Surely you cannot mean what you say ! I am but a simple country maiden, and you — you are a distinguished nobleman !" Colfax, {taking her hand) "Alicia, hear me! I have loved you since the first day I met you ! Oh ! my love ! my love ! do not say ' no ' or I shall die !" Belle, {looking up timidly) " Die for me ? You are jest- ing. A man wins a woman's love not by dying, but by living for it." Colfax, {bending lower) " Then let me live for you, my darling. Will you not say ' yes ?' " Belle, {drooping her head and speaking softly) " Ye-es !" Colfax. *' Then say : ' I love you, Ethelbert !' " Belle, {zuith expressioii) " Dearest Ethelbert, I love you !" {She drops his hand and turns away with a sigh.) Colfax, {starting back a?id looking at her sotto voce) How beautiful she looked then ! Has my heart been sleep- ing, that she has stolen into it without my knowing it ? {aloud) Belle, darling ! Belle, {starting in affright) Alicia, you mean, Mr. Col- fax! Colfax, {seizing her hand) No ! no ! no ! the comedy is ended, the jest has vanished, the scales have fallen from my eyes, and I know, my darling, that I love you — you ! {draw- ing her to him) Oh ! is there the slightest hope for me, Belle ? ^, Belle. Why, have you been blind so long ? Colfax. You love me ? Belle. I do— my love ! Colfax, {putting his arms about her) At last I know what love is ! This is my entrance fee, dear. {Kissi?ig her) AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 43 Belle. To what, Lennox ? Colfax. To the primary department of the School of Love. I want to take the whole course with you as teacher. Belle, (smiling) You must learn rapidly. Colfax. Oh ! I shall want my diploma in a year. Belle. Diploma ? Colfax. Yes, dear — A Marriage Certificate ! Belle, {burying her face o?i his shoiildei') Oh!! {While they are slandi?ig by the befich in this position Mr. Penning- ton and Dolly, and Mr. Van Artsdalen and May ap- proacJi slyly, with fingers to their lips, and s2irrou7id them. At a signal they all say loudly — " AHEM I /" Belle a7id Mr. Colfax start and spring apart^ Belle. Oh ! Colfax. Ah I The Quartette. Yum ! yum ! Dolly. The Literary Partnership is complete ! May. There is no longer a silent partner in the firm ! {All come close, a?id the girls kiss Belle.) Belle. {recoveiHng herself ) I see two other firms are re- established at the old stands. Mr. Van. (/.hieves a splenditl success. Illustrated. 350 pages, cloth, ^1.25. HARRY AMBLER; OR, THE STOLEN DEED By wSiDNEY Marlow. 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