■ wmmm 
 
 ». HE HBsl 
 
 m Ere IHlin 
 
 H HI 
 
 KHnHififl 
 Bill 
 
 .-. •■'<<<:•< • 
 
 RIfiHi 
 
 mil 
 
 Btfliiffl 
 
 IntatHHufi 
 
 ■SKBttllfimfiil 
 
 lis 
 
 lilflll 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 : -' . ■' 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
THE 
 
 WESTERN MAIL: 
 
 BEING 
 
 A SELECTION OF LETTERS 
 
 MADE FROM THE BAG 
 TAKEN FROM THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 \VH€N IT WAS ROBBED 
 
 BY GEORGE — 5 IN 17—. 
 
 NOW FIRST PUBLISHED. 
 
 V 
 
 LONDO 
 
 Printed by Davis, JVilks, and Taylor, Chancery- lane, 
 
 FOR J.MAWMANj SUCCESSOR TO MR. BILLY; 
 
 IN THE POULTRY. 
 
 1801., 
 

TABLE OF CONTENTS. 
 
 FAG« 
 
 Introduction - - i 
 
 Letter i. From H /- , Efq. to 
 
 H— R , Efq. on the Death of Mifs 
 
 B—. - - ii 
 
 Letter 2. From Mrs. L—~, a Mantua* 
 
 Maker, to Mrs. F , at ■ > on 
 
 Fajhions. - - - 19 
 
 Letter 3. From Mirza Selim Abdoulah to 
 Mifs . 26 
 
 Letter 4. From Mrs. V to Lady A- > 
 
 complaining of her. Hufband. - - 34 
 
 Letter 5. From Dr. »■ ■— ■ 
 
 to 
 
 John — — , Labourer at , in - 
 
 fjire. 
 
 on his broken Leg. 
 
 40 
 
 Letter 6^ From the fame to Mrs. 
 
 ~ y on 
 
 her Nervous D if order. 
 
 53 
 
 Letter 7. From the fame to Sir T — 
 
 -F , 
 
 Knight, on his Stomach Complaint. 
 
 56 
 
 Letter 8. From Mrs.E to Mifs T , 
 
 with her Advice on the fubjecl of Marriage. 64 
 
 Letter 9. From Mifs jF— - to Mr. W , 
 
 with an Account of a Dinner Party. jj 
 
 a 2 
 
H TABLE OF CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Letter io. From John H to Thomas 
 
 P — — , Farmer y at , in -—Jhire, 
 
 informing him of the Death of hit Brother. 84 
 
 Letter ii. From F- M , Efq. to 
 
 — , with an Account t of his fafe Arrival 
 
 To 
 
 in l own. 
 
 9* 
 
 Letter 12. From — • , of 
 
 Theatre y to » y on fir ft appearing in 
 
 London* - - r 102 
 
 Letter 13. From Lord N to Colonel 
 
 G , with an Account of his intended 
 
 Marriage. - - - ic5 
 
 Letter 14. From Mifs W to Mifs 
 
 Harriet *— — , with an Account of her 
 intended Marriage. — - 125 
 
 Letter 15. From Mr. A to Mr. K— — , 
 
 on Caricature Prints. - - 132 
 
 Letter 16. From the Reverend N 
 
 S to the Reverend J R , re- 
 queuing him to Serve his Church. 1 40 
 
 Letter 17. From Mr. P — — to Mifs C , 
 
 concerning her Novel, - - 143 
 
 Letter 1 8. From Mr. R S to Mr. 
 
 J S " -, on the State of his Circum- 
 
 fance:. - - ♦ 146 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS. Hi 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Letter 19. From Mifs , at School \ to 
 
 Mrs. . - - - 152 
 
 Letter 20. From Mr. iV— — to Mrs. 
 
 N , on the Lofs of his Fortune by the 
 
 Bankruptcy of a Mercantile Houfe, 1 55 
 
 Letter 21. Mifs iV— — - to Mifs Lucy 
 N . - - - 166 
 
 Letter 22. From ~ to , 
 
 oncoming to refide in London. - 1 64 
 
 Letter 23. From — to Mr. , 
 
 onthefubjecl of raifmg Money. - 172 
 
 Letter 24. From Sarah to her Father 
 
 and Mother, ajking their Advice refpecling 
 her Con duel. - - - 178 
 
 Letter 25. From • to — — — , 
 
 on his being an unkindHufband. - 185 
 
 Letter 26. From Mr. G to Mr. 
 
 H , on his Poem . - - 1 95 
 
 Letter 27. From ■ — } to , 
 
 on her Engagement to the Mafquerade. 2 1 1 
 
 Letter 28. From F* L , Efq. to 
 
 J B , Efq. High Sheriff for the 
 
 County of Jhire) on declining to be a 
 
 Candidate to reprefent the County in Par- 
 liament. - - - 220 
 
 a 3 
 I 
 

 IV TABLE OF CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGB 
 
 Letter 29. FromMfsC toMifsE , 
 
 with the Character of the lieclufe of ». 23$ 
 
 Letter 30. From E G , Efq. to 
 
 Mr, P — : y on thefubjecl cf procuring him 
 
 a Patent. - - 242 
 
 Letter 31. From '— — - , Efq. to Mr. 
 
 M — — , informing him of his Legacy. 245 
 
 Letter 32* From Mrs, F— — to Mr. 
 H — — 5 'with an Aamni of the Game of 
 Sentiment* - 248 
 
 Letter 33. From Mrs. T > » - ~ to Mrs, 
 
 H~ , congratulating her on the Birth of 
 
 her Son. ~ %$$ 
 
 Letter 34. From Mr. ~— to Mr. M , 
 
 with his Opinion of London. - 26 1 
 
 Letter 35. From —~ to , 
 
 on the Elopement of — — with — 
 
INTRODUCTION; 
 
 IN the year 17- — , George , 
 
 overpowered by a variety of calamities, 
 found himfelf unable any longer to 
 procure the mod beggarly neceflaries of 
 life for a wife and children, who had long 
 been languifhing in difeafe, and were 
 then dying of hunger. Pierced to the 
 heart by the piteous cries of the children, 
 and the filent fufferings of his wife, 
 whofe pallid countenance alone befpoke 
 " her ficknefs and her forrows, George 
 took his hat and left his houfe abruptly. 
 a . His 
 
2 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 His unpremeditated courfe brought 
 him to the margin of a river. He ftart- 
 ed, and hung over it for fome time in 
 deep contemplation, with his eyes fixed 
 on the ftream, and his whole frame mo- 
 tionlefs. The gloom that overfhadowed 
 his countenance at laft cleared away. 
 He raifed his eyes, fparkling with wild 
 animation ; his arms, which had been 
 folded over his breaft, played involunta- 
 rily by his fide, and betrayed, by the oc- 
 cafional energy of their motion, that 
 fome defperate refolution had taken 
 pofleffion of his mind. He turned 
 homewards with a hafty ftep ; and now 
 that his wandering eyes caught at a 
 glance every obje6l around him, he 
 was ftruck with the light of a gibbet, 
 which he had before pafled unobserved. 
 
 Paufing 
 
INTRODUCTION. 3 
 
 Paufing a mometit at this fpot, f? Yes, 
 there/' faid George, " if it muft be, for 
 thus I may fave them. The river would 
 have been my friend, but not theirs." 
 He quickened his pace, and reached his 
 home, hurried and out of breath, late in 
 the evening. 
 
 George's credit had been for fome time 
 declining, from the well-known ftate of 
 his circumftances; but fuch was the re- 
 liance that his neighbours placed on his 
 integrity, that when he called at the 
 baker's and butcher's, in his way home, 
 and affured them that he had got em* 
 ployment, though it was at fome dis- 
 tance from the village, which would 
 enable him to pay his debts and maintain 
 a 2 his 
 
4 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 his family, he found a ready confidence 
 in his word, and brought with him a fea- 
 fonable fupply for the miferable group 
 which he had left famifhing. For him- 
 felf, he feafted only on the delight of' 
 once more feeing them make a comfort- 
 able meal ; for he fat down to the table 
 and rofe again fifty times without putting 
 a morfel into his mouth. 
 
 He had prepared his wife for his ab- 
 fence, and left her, after an agitated 
 night, early the next morning. He re- 
 turned no more till the morning of the 
 following day ; and then, after giving her 
 various reafons, on account of his new 
 occupation, for their changing their 
 fituation, bade her prepare to remove 
 
 imme- 
 
INTRODUCTION. £ 
 
 immediately. The whole family were 
 lodged that night in a fmall town at a 
 pretty confiderable diftance. 
 
 After an interval of fome weeks, 
 George returned to the place of his for- 
 mer refidence, and, faithful to his pro- 
 mifes, paid all his debts. As he was quit- 
 ting the village, he was feized on fuf- 
 picion of being the perfon who had, a 
 fhort time before, robbed the Weftem 
 Mail. 
 
 In the courfe of jiiftice the fa& was 
 proved againft him, and the forfeit of 
 his life was demanded for it by the laws 
 of his country. — He paid the forfeit 
 upon Hounflow Heath. 
 
 A3 George 
 
INTRODUCTIONS 
 
 George had one friend poor as him- 
 felf in worldly wealth, but rich in the 
 qualities that conftitute real friendfhip. 
 He had not the refolution to confide to 
 him, in thefirft inftance, the dreadful de- 
 termination to which his neceffities had 
 driven him. But when the perpetration 
 of the deed had placed the nature of his 
 fituation fully before his view, and pre- 
 icnted to it, in every human being whom 
 he beheld, a hand perhaps raifed again ft 
 his life, he felt, in all its complicated 
 horror, the fatal probability that his 
 wife would be foon a wiaow, and his chil- 
 dren orphans. Of what avail would it 
 be then? He confidered, that he had fa- 
 crificed himfelf to their temporary re- 
 lief, if they were afterwards to be pafled, 
 
 like 
 
 
INTRODUCTION*. *j 
 
 like vagrants, to a wretched village, in 
 an obfcure corner of the kingdom, where 
 only they could claim the means of being 
 kept alive, and there linger oat a mi- 
 ferable exigence in a poor-houfe, little 
 better than a living dung-hill. 
 
 To this friend/ therefore, George at 
 
 length confided the laft and rnoft fearful 
 
 fccret of his foil; and entreated him,' if it 
 
 ' were raquiflte, to be the guardian oftiii 
 
 unfortunate family. 
 
 The labour of this man's life has been 
 devoted to the fulfilment of this truft; 
 and, amidft many fevere flruggles, the 
 children have been put forward to make 
 their own way in the world. They have, 
 for fome time, fupported themfelves on 
 A 4 the 
 
O INTRODUCTION, 
 
 the fruits of their induftry, and contri- 
 buted alfo to the fupport of their mother 
 and their benefactor. But thefe inefti- 
 mable friends are now become old and 
 utterly helplefs, and the refources of the 
 children are inefficient for their entire 
 maintenance. It is not that they require 
 any unreafonable indulgences; for they 
 reft their decrepid limbs on ftraw beds, 
 and eat the coarfeft food, without mur- 
 tnuring at having no fhare of the many 
 palliations deviled for ficknefs and infirmi- 
 ty, which they know to be as much be- 
 yond their reach as the ftars of Heaven. 
 
 In the diftrefs to which the family 
 are reduced, they call their eyes on the 
 bag of letters belonging to the Weftern 
 Mail, which had been preferved amongft 
 
 them 
 
INTRODUCTION. 9 
 
 them as the fatal memorial of their fa- 
 ther^ and thought that they might make 
 fbme advantage of it, by getting the let- 
 ters publifhed. 
 
 The difficulties that have occurred in 
 attempting to carry this project into exe- 
 cution have been very numerous; and 
 thole which have arifen on the part of 
 the editor have not been amongft the 
 lead of them. Urged, on the one hand, 
 by the diflrefs of a family which it was 
 not in his power to relieve ; and, on the 
 other, by the impropriety of publishing, 
 private letters without the permiffion of 
 the writers, he found himfelf in a very 
 delicate fituation, and once absolutely 
 declined having any concern in the bu-* 
 finefs. And he has only been induced 
 a 5 to 
 
10 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 to undertake it on the conviction that 
 they would eventually come before the 
 public, and perhaps with lefs caution 
 than under the rules which he has pre- 
 ferred to himfelf. 
 
 The mafs of thefe letters could not 
 have afforded any entertainment to the 
 reader; and he is, therefore, only pre- 
 fented with a fmall fele&ion from them. 
 The names and dates are carefully fup~ 
 prefled. Even where an initial letter 
 is made ufe of, it is not that of the name 
 of the real chara&er. 
 
 The fhort account of George » ■ is 
 taken from his own defcription of him- 
 felf to his friend. 
 
 § THE 
 
THE 
 
 WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 ftetter 1. 
 
 FROM H I , ESQ^ TO H 
 
 R , ESQ. 
 
 Dear R , 
 
 I WROTE to you, in my laft letter, of 
 galas, and of a thoufand diffipations in 
 which we were engaged in this houfe of 
 gaiety, where the Loves and Graces feem- 
 ed to hold their court. But all this re- 
 velry is now fufpended by a dreadful ac- 
 cident which has thrown gloom or terror 
 into every countenance amongft us, fo 
 lately drefled in the fmile of thoughtlefs 
 hilarity. 
 
 a 6 The 
 
I'l THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 The mifs B , whom I then men- 
 tioned to you, is no more. She went 
 oat yefterday morning, to take a ride 
 on horfe-baek, blooming in health and 
 charms, and gay with native vivacity ; 
 and in a few hours after fhe was brought 
 home a corpfe. Her horfe, frightened 
 by the fudden beating of a drum, juft 
 at the moment that fhe pafled if, 
 ran away with her; and turning fharp 
 round the corner of a lane out of 
 the road, fhe was thrown from him, ie- 
 ceived a blow upon her temple, and was 
 dead in a moment. What perfe&ion of 
 beauty there met its fate ! 
 
 You have feen the Florentine Gallery : 
 Suppofe, then, the Venus animated, and 
 you will have the, neareft idea that I can 
 
 give 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 1 3 
 
 give you, and fcarcely an exaggerated 
 one, of this lovely creature — of what 
 fhe was, I fhould fay. What is this vivi- 
 fying principle, and whither is it flown^ 
 that made but yefterday that form the 
 obje<3 of univerfal admiration, from which 
 we now turn with horror? I had once al- 
 moft perfuaded myfelf, that, in admiring 
 her, I loved her; hut her death has con* 
 vinced me to the contrary. Love and ad- 
 miration areas difiincl as day from night. 
 We always admire where we love, but 
 by no means always love where we ad- 
 mire. Dazzled by her beauty, and in- 
 toxicated by our mode of life, my fenfes 
 paid her a homage in which my heart 
 had no (hare. But this event has, if I 
 may fo exprefs myfelf, analyfed my fen- 
 timents ; and while I acknowledge mife 
 
 B 
 
14 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 B to have commanded my admira- 
 tion, I feel, perhaps for the firft time t 
 the full convi6lion that Augufta has no 
 rival in my love. I never was fo fenfible 
 as at this inftant, when the flippant noife 
 of vacan mirth has fubfided, and an 
 awful calm has taken poffeffion of my 
 mind, how valuable, how inexpreffibly 
 valuable, is the charm that fhe diffufes 
 over domeftic life. What a contrail the 
 philofophic * turn of her mind and pur- 
 fuits prefents, to thofe of the giddy herd 
 among whom I now live, who are no- 
 thing out of the vortex of diifipation ! 
 They were terror- ft ruck for a few hours 
 
 * Philofophic, in the application of the term to 
 the character of this lady, feems to imply all that 
 16 rooft excellent and amiable iu the general con- 
 ducYof life. 
 
 at 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 1 5 
 
 at the return of mifs B as a corpfe; 
 
 but even this morning, in the levity of 
 their hearts, I heard them whifpering 
 over their lift of engagements, and count- 
 ing the days till her funeral, which will 
 releafe them again to their career of folly. 
 
 How I fhonld once have laughed at 
 the idea of a female philofopher ! Many 
 fools laugh at that of which they know 
 not the value. I have done it myfehf in 
 a thoufand inftances* and I am ftill a 
 ftrange medley, a kind of heterogeneous 
 being, reafonable and unreafonable in a 
 breath. All of improvement that I have 
 attained has been, not from the dogmas 
 of Augufta, for fhe never dogmatizes, but 
 from her animated yet mild example. 
 How 1 have been miftaken in thinking, 
 
 as 
 
l6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 as I once did, that the fenfibilily of a 
 woman muft be weakened in proportion 
 as her mind was informed ! All that I 
 fee of what goes by the name of fenfibi- 
 lity in the generality of women, 1 find to 
 be an abominable affe&ation, the crea- 
 ture of art, and altogether felfifh ; while 
 true ferifibility is to be found only in en- 
 larged minds, where it expands to a 
 kindly fympathy for all its fellow-crea- 
 tures, and is exquifitely alive to the fecial 
 affections in the mod intimate connec- 
 tions of life. 
 
 H , Augufta muft be mine. I now 
 
 feel all her value, and no price will be 
 too dear to purchafe the pofleffion of her. 
 I will correal my thoughtlefs habits of 
 life, and undergo any discipline, how- 
 4 ever 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL* 17 
 
 ever laborious, to form my mind to what 
 it ought to be in one who afpires to the 
 happinefs of calling her his wife. But 
 when I return to her fociety my follies 
 will be at once annihilated before the 
 mild beams of her eyes, which fpeak the 
 moft eloquent leflbns of wifdom 5 and I 
 fhall owe to her alone the being made a 
 rational creature. What might not wo- 
 men effect with us, if they took up arms 
 to level at our hearts inftead of our 
 fenfes ! They have the power to make 
 us angels or devils. The unaffected ex- 
 ercife of the focial virtues, united with 
 fweetnefs of manners and cultivation of 
 tnind 5 as thefe qualities are all exempli- 
 fied in Augufta, muft influence every 
 bofom in which there is a fpark of hu- 
 manity remaining. - 
 
 Khali 
 
l8 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 I fhall be with you as foon as I can 
 leave this houfe with any decency. The 
 univerfe contains but one object for me 
 at prefent, and, if I cannot obtain her, 
 I (hall renounce the fex tor ever. Fare- 
 tvel ! 
 
 I am yours, 
 
 With fincere regard, 
 
J HK WESTERN MAIL, 19 
 
 fetter- 2. 
 
 FROM MRS. L 5 A MANTUA-MAKER^ 
 
 TO MRS. F j AT • 
 
 Madam, 
 THE fafhings for the prefent time 
 as you afk about, for ladys a little el- 
 derly, is nigligees for a drefs, with a fall 
 triming down the fides, and two or three 
 flounces on the petticoat, as ladys pleafe 3 
 with a fancy edge on the triming, or a 
 Jace 5 as ladys like heft, Robings is quite 
 laid afide, and plain fore parts only 
 worn ; and ruffled cuffs is done with alfo, 
 and all wears round cuffs only. And, 
 for undrefs, a night-gown is mod gen- 
 teel, made with plain fore parts and round 
 
 cuffs, 
 
2D THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 cuffs, the fame as the nigligee, For 
 young ladys, Polonefcs and Hitalian 
 night-gowns is all the tafte, trimed with 
 gaufe, and bunches or wreaths of tiffany 
 flowers; and, for undrefs, jackets is 
 much worn. The hoops is worn very 
 large. My fitter is juft ttablifhed with 
 me as a milliner, and her hufband is a 
 hair-drefler : and they begs leave to add, 
 that the heads is worn very large. The 
 hair is frizzed very tight, and done up 
 to a large cufhing, with a great many 
 ftrong black pins ; and three large curls 
 is worn on each fide, fluffed with wool, 
 and fattened with long black pins ; and 
 the hair behind is done over a pad, co- 
 vered with falfe hair; and the whole 
 head is done with plenty of powder and 
 pomatum, fo that it keep up very tight, 
 
 and 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 21 
 
 arid look very well for a fortnight to- 
 gether, only ftroking it up with fome 
 frefh powder and pomatum every day. 
 Brown marfhall powder, of different co- 
 lors, is very much in tafte at prefent* 
 The caps is worn very large and very 
 high, with a great quantity of tiffany 
 flowers and feathers for a drefs, and for 
 an undrefs, only with lace and ribbon. 
 Short aprons is worn by young lad) s, for 
 drefs, with the Polonefe ; but only in 
 undrefs with the Hitalian night-gown. 
 I have got your fhoes and buckles, ma- 
 dam, as you defired. The heels is now 
 made very high, and the buckles is worn 
 very large, almoft to cover the foot. I 
 forgot to menfhing, in its place, that 
 buffoons is worn on the neck, and caprice 
 tippets round the fhoulders. 
 
 I take 
 
22 THE WESTEFvN MAIL. 
 
 I take the liberty to fend you fome 
 perpofals as we have put out for a print 
 for the ladys. It is the fafhingable drefs 
 at this time for ladys ; and one is to come 
 out once a quarter, if it meet with en- 
 couragement, for the advantage of the 
 ladys. And, for my part, I hope it will ; 
 for I dont fee as ladys can fpend there 
 money better and have a more pretty 
 amufement than toknow how the fafhings 
 go among perlite people, 
 
 I am, madam, 
 
 Your humble fervant to command, 
 
 Elizabeth L - 
 
 inclosed 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 2§ 
 
 {inclosed IN THE LETTER.) 
 
 To the Public in general ; and, to the 
 JLadies in particular. 
 
 Some regular method of difleminating 
 the fafhions ©f ladies drefles with 
 facility having long been called for 
 by the public, 
 
 Edward and Hannah B — , hair* 
 drejfer and milliner \ and Elizabeth L — 9 
 mantua-maker, have it in contemplation 
 to publifh a regular feries of prints of the 
 reigning fafhions of the time, defigncd, 
 under their own infpe&ion, by an emi- 
 nent artift, and to be engraved by a very 
 celebrated engraver. 
 
 As 
 
24 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 As they extend their views beyond the 
 immediate benefit of this plan to the 
 ladies of the prefent day, to the perpe- 
 tuating, by this means, the fucceffion 
 of faihions for the advantage of pofte- 
 rity; no expenfe will be fpared to make 
 thefe prints an elegant article of orna- 
 ment for a lady's dreffing-room or draw- 
 
 Each plate will contain ten figures ; 
 beginning with one of five years old, and 
 continuing them in fucceffion, accord- 
 ing to the following periods of age : — 
 Ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, 
 forty, fifty, fixty, feventy. 
 
 The firft print will be published 
 early in the enfuing month, and the 
 
 fucceeding 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 2$ 
 
 fucceeding prints, one every three 
 months. 
 
 The commands of the nobility and 
 gentry, both in town and country, will 
 be gratefully received and punctually at- 
 tended to, at No. 27, Street, 
 
 — , Square. 
 
 N.B. Orders received for the prints 
 at all hair-drefTers, milliners, and map- 
 iua-makers, in town and country. 
 
2,6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 KUttcr 3. 
 
 FROM MIRZA SELIM ABDOULAH TO 
 MISS - « 
 
 Fair Lily of the Garden, 
 I HAVE been unhappy ever fince 
 thy leaving London. I had a heavenly 
 pleafure in gazing on thy charms, which 
 now, that thou art abfent, nothing cau 
 recoinpenfe to my heart. I refemble 
 ©ne placed in a fragrant garden, where 
 the richeft flowers court the fenfes in 
 every direction ; and yet none of them 
 caji fix his eye, which wanders in vain 
 in fearch of its favourite Lily. 
 
 Wherever 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 2J 
 
 Wherever I go, every body is as gay 
 as when thou waft here ; but I cannot 
 be gay ; the fadnefs of my heart not 
 only makes me thoughtful and filent, 
 but cafts a gloom over my countenance. 
 Thefe people are either very fortunate in 
 foon overcoming forrow, or elfe they are 
 much pradlifed in difguife, and never 
 ipeak the real fentiments of their hearts. 
 When thou waft prefent they all teemed 
 to adore thee like Mirza ; but now 
 thou art gone, no one but Mirza feems 
 to feel the lofs of thee. 
 
 Pardon me, beauteous 'Lily, if I am 
 too prefumptuous in what I fay, but 
 thou didft never appear to me to be 
 in thy proper place amidft the throngs 
 that frequent the public amufements of 
 b 2 this 
 
28 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 this town, and even what are called here 
 private aflemblres. Thou haft more of 
 the retiring graces of fenfibility in thy 
 manner, than of the unreftrained free- 
 dom of air and converfation with which 
 thy country-women appear in the moft 
 promifcuous crowds. They are like the 
 gay flowers which decorate the parterre, 
 always to be feen in the full difplay of 
 their charms. Thou art like a rare blof- 
 fom which delights in the fhade, and, 
 with a modeft referve of its lovelinefs, 
 expands only to the evening breeze. 
 
 Why then did that perfon, who I 
 was told was thy mother, force thy re- 
 luctant delicacy to meet the gaze of pub- 
 lic admiration ? I thought a mother 
 vmuld have wiihed to fpare-the blufhes 
 
 mi 
 
, tHE WESTERN MA1E. 1$ 
 
 of her daughter ; but it feemed the con- 
 trary with thine, for fhe was every where 
 expofing thee to the flare of importunate 
 obfervation, which covered thee with 
 blufhes. Methought the reproach of 
 offended modefty fpake to her in thy 
 mild exprefllve eyes, and in the breath- 
 ing fweetnefs of thy lips; when, lovely 
 as the opening bud of the rofe of 
 Sharon, the difcretion of their gentle 
 accents repulfed the obtruflve boldnefs 
 of thy admirers. It was in thofe mo- 
 ments fomething always whifpered to 
 my heart, that I had found in thee the 
 treafure which I came to Europe to 
 feek. 
 
 I had been familiarized to beauty 
 
 amongft the women of my harem, till 
 
 b 3 I be- 
 
30 THE WlSTfcRN MAIL. 
 
 I became infenfible to its attra&ions, and 
 found that beauty alone could not con- 
 fer happinefs. I then fought to re- 
 lieve the languor of my foul by ftjudy 5 
 and the company of learned men; and, 
 as the ftores of knowledge poured in 
 upon my mind like ftreams of light, I 
 awakened to the radiance of intellectual 
 day. 
 
 The fages, who had been my infirue- 
 tors, had ftepped far into the vale of 
 years, and the refearches of wifdom 
 filled up their fum of happinefs. But 
 the iympathies of nature dill claimed 
 their fhare in me, and I wanted a com- 
 panion of thy fex, whofe foul was as. 
 lovely as her form, to complete the mea- 
 fure of mine. Such women are not the 
 
 boaft 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL.. gl 
 
 boaft of my country, where they are 
 valued only for the charms of their per- 
 fons. 1 reiblved, therefore, to vifit Eu- 
 rope, in hopes of finding this pearl of 
 ineftimable value; for the celebrity of 
 its women had penetrated to the walls of 
 Jfpaban. 
 
 Guided by my deftiny, England was 
 the firft European nation which I vifited. 
 Oh, raoft lovely of its women ! in pre- 
 fuming to fay that I adore thee, thou 
 wilt kncnv whether the objedl of my 
 voyage was ^fulfilled till my propitious 
 fate brought me into thy prefence. I 
 had forfaken the harem, wearied with 
 its dull uniformity, and I came into the 
 midft of a life of continual hurry to 
 be wearied with its bufy. uniformity. 
 b 4 Happinefs 
 
32 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Happinefs is equally removed from both; 
 but, with thee for my companion, it 
 would be my pofleffion for ever. Beau- 
 teous Lily, do not difdain the paffion of 
 Minza ; it is pure as the brightnefs of 
 d&y, and will be confiant as the tender- 
 nefs of the dove. 
 
 If thou wilt liften to my voice, and truft 
 my fincerity, thou wilt raife me above 
 mortality. Bat, if thou haft neither 
 love nor pity for me, I will die without 
 ever more offending thee with my im- 
 portunities; for I have faid to thee all 
 that palTes in my heart, and I am a 
 flr&nger to any other language. 
 
 More anxious than the roe of the wil- 
 dernefs when fhe hears the noife of the 
 
 hunter. 
 
the Western mail. $$ 
 
 hunter, and trembles for the fafety of 
 her young, I (hall await with trem- 
 bling the decifion on my fate, which the 
 great Mithra has now placed in thy 
 hands. I proftrate myfelf before his 
 glory with my forehead in the dull, in 
 fubmiffion to the decree which he fliall 
 infpire into thy breaft. But if it fhould 
 be adverfe to my wifh 5 though I will 
 fubmit to it without murmuring, I can 
 never more be happy. 
 
 Lovely creature, 
 
 J am the lowlieft of thy Haves, 
 
 fclRZA SELIM ABDOULAH. 
 
 »5 
 
34 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 better a. 
 
 FROM MRS. V TO LADY A- 
 
 Dear Mama, 
 I HAVE followed your advice, and ne- 
 ver left off leafing Mr. V till he 
 
 has at lafl confented to my giving you 
 an invitation to come up and be with me 
 while I am lying-in. So far, therefore, I 
 have got the better of him ; but he is 
 fo ill-natured as to infift on it that I fhall 
 fuckle my child. I make him no anfwer 
 when he talks in this way, becaufe I dare 
 not quarrel with him juft as he has con- 
 fented \o your coming, for fear he fhould 
 change his mind and not let you come at 
 
 all. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 35 
 
 all. You can eafily fpeak to Dr. , 
 
 who, I am told, is very good-natured, 
 and will fay iiich a thing to oblige any 
 body, to lay that it would be too much 
 for my confiitution to fuckle, and then 
 you know it will be impoffible, and yet 
 no blame can be thrown neither on you 
 nor me. It would be the moft cruel 
 thing in the world to make me fuckle 
 the child ; for I fhould lofe half the plea- 
 fure of being in London, and I am fure 
 that it would quite fpoil my fhape — for 
 whoever faw a wet- nurfe that was a figure 
 fit to be feen ? It is fueh a thing to expecl, 
 of a woman of any fafhion, as never 
 was heard of; he might juft as well alk 
 me to ftand over the fire and make pap 
 for the brat, or wafh its dirty clothes. 
 
 b 6 I am 
 
36 THE WESTERif MAIL. 
 
 I am fare I never expected when I 
 married to have any trouble with my 
 children ; and, if he would but indulge 
 me in this, I fhould be one of the beii 
 mothers in the world, for I fhould dote 
 on them to diftradtioru You know I 
 was always fond of children when they 
 were not troublefome. Every body ufed 
 to take notice of it, and tell me that I 
 muft marry and have children of my 
 own ; and it will be very hard upon me 
 to deprive me of all my plea-fare, by 
 giving me any trouble about ihem. But 
 when you are here to cake my part, and 
 this lying-in is over, I am- determined to 
 make him underftand that I married to 
 enjoy myfelf, and not to fpend the beft 
 part of my life tied to the guard-iron of 
 the nurfery fire. He might as well have 
 4 married 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. J^ 
 
 married fome ugly devil without any 
 fpirit at all, if (he was never to come 
 into the world; and I am refolved not 
 to give it up let it cod whatever four 
 faces and fparring it may. However, if 
 he will but be reafonable, and let me 
 have my own way, I (hall be one of the 
 mod dutiful and affectionate wives in 
 London, and never wifh to quarrel with 
 him"; for I am fare it is not my difpofl- 
 tion to quarrel when people are obliging 
 to me. And then we fhall have a great 
 deal more of the domeitichappinefs that 
 he talks lb much about; fof, if I may 
 but go out and do as I pleafe, I think I 
 may lay for my ieif, tMat nobody is more 
 agreeable and good-natured than I am at 
 home. 
 
 I (hall 
 
38 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 I fhall have a great deal more to con- 
 fult you about when we meet; for, to 
 tell you the truth, he is inclined to be 
 penurious about my clothes, and has 
 grumbled at fome of my bilk, as if I 
 could do without gowns, and caps, and 
 trimmings, and a thoufand things be- 
 fides, any more than other people. I 
 have had feyeral hints too about attend- 
 ing to my family concerns, and confut- 
 ing, in every refpecl, what is proper for 
 our fortune. But you know 7 it would 
 be a monftrous plague to me to learn 
 any thing about family affairs ; and 1 do 
 not fee the leaft ufe in it when 1 dare fay 
 the houfekeeper is very honeft. And, 
 as to our fortune, if I have but money 
 to fpend, I fhall never trouble myfelf 
 about that, but leave it entirely to him, 
 
 and 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 39 
 
 and then he cannot fay that I interfere 
 in his concerns $ and, in return, it will 
 be but reafonable, that he fhould not in* 
 terfere with me. 
 
 I am, dear mama, 
 
 Your affectionate and 
 
 Dutiful daughter, 
 
 Louisa V - » 
 
40 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 %tttZV 5. 
 
 FROM DR. * — — , TO 
 
 JOHN $ LABOURER ^T ■ V IN 
 
 SKIRE. 
 
 My worthy Friend, 
 I TAKE the firfl moment that I can 
 feize from the conftant hurry of bufmefs 
 in which I am engaged by my profeffion, 
 not only amongft my patients in town, 
 but alfo by the number of letters that I 
 have to write by every poft to my pa- 
 tients in the country, to pay a very 
 particular attention to your extremely 
 lingular and intricate cafe. 
 
 It 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 4! 
 
 It has certainly been by the bleffing 
 of divine providence that you have made 
 knownyour cafe to me ; the like of which, 
 as you obferve, and it is very true, you 
 have not heard named amongft thofe in- 
 cluded in my bills. But it is not poffible 
 to enumerate all the cafes in which my 
 Vital, Antifcorbutic, Cofmetic Lozenges 
 arp an infallible cure. The fhorteft way 
 would be to fay, what I might fay with- 
 out vanity or exaggeration, that there 
 is no poffible cafe in which I would not 
 recommend them, and in which they 
 w 7 ould not be found to anfwer my viewsi 
 
 But now, my worthy friend, to your 
 cafe in particular. I would have you 
 without delay apply to my Lozenges, and 
 eontinucthem till your cure is completed. 
 
 I have 
 
42 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 I have never known them fail in the cafe 
 of a broken limb, if they be perfevered 
 in properly. But it will not do to trifle 
 with them. You rnuft take them at lead 
 every hour, till you find your leg quite 
 ftout again. I inclofe you a lift of cures 
 efredled by them, that you may be con- 
 vinced I am dealing with you in the moft 
 ingenuous manner, 
 
 I am, my worthy friend, with my 
 fervent prayers for your entire recovery. 
 Your fincere well wifher 
 And humble fervant, 
 
 Sole Proprietor of the V. A. C. Lozenges. 
 
 P, S, When you fend to the clerk 
 of the parifh to read this for you, give 
 
 him 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 43 
 
 him the hand-bills which I inclofe, to 
 diftribute about in the parifh, as a token 
 of my good will to the inhabitants* 
 
 CASE I. 
 
 William Balls, labourer, broke his leg 
 in a dreadful manner. And, though it was 
 fet immediately, he had notwithftanding 
 no ufe of the limb; nor could the furgeon 
 give him any hopes that he would have 
 the ufe of it for a long time to come. On 
 this he fell into a heavy defpondency. But 
 by a happy providence, while he lay in 
 this deplorable condition, he heard of the 
 Vital, Antifcorbutic, Cofmetic Lozenges; 
 and, after taking them for fome time, 
 he was able to move his leg in the bed. 
 And by continuing them, he gradually 
 
 recovered 
 
44 T HE WESTERN MAILr 
 
 recovered the perfect ufe of the limb, 
 which is, owing to them, now more 
 found and ftrong than before the ac- 
 cident, 
 
 CASE II. 
 
 To Dr. — , 
 
 Proprietor of the Vital, Antifcorbutic, 
 
 Cofmetic Lozenges. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 My wife had the misfortune to fall 
 
 down flairs and ftrain her back ; and 
 
 the doctor told her that nothing but reft 
 
 would do her any good. But fhc was 
 
 loath to believe but that fomething to 
 
 take would do her good; and having the 
 
 bleffing to hear of your Lozenges, fhe was 
 
 willing to give herfelf the chance of them, 
 
 befides the doctor's advice. And by 
 
 taking 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 45 
 
 taking of feveral boxes, Hie now goes 
 about as before, quite well. 
 
 I am, honoured Sir, with the gratitude 
 
 of my wife and feif, and our infant 
 
 family, 
 
 Your moft humble fervant, 
 
 Abraham Tomkins.* 
 (inclosed in the preceding 
 
 ' LETTER.) 
 
 The Royal Patent, Vital, A?2tifco?'butic, 
 Cofmetic Lozenges, 
 
 Invented by Dr. — — — ^-~ # 
 
 the fole Proprietor. 
 
 The univerfally acknowledged cele- 
 brity of thefe Lozenges renders it wholly 
 unneceflary to enlarge upon the inefli* 
 
 * The remainder of the cafes are omitted* as they 
 a*e very firmlar to the two here fele£ed, 
 
 in able 
 
46 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 mable qualities which they poffefs. The 
 proprietor therefore, without puff or pa* 
 negyric, will merely ftate the peculiar 
 excellences they enjoy above all other 
 medicines hitherto offered to the public, 
 in the fimple unadorned language of 
 truth. 
 
 The Vital, Antifcorbutic, Cofmetic 
 Lozenges are eminently diftinguifhed 
 for the unexampled rapidity and efficacy 
 with which they operate in all cafes of 
 debility, from whatever caufe it may 
 proceed ; reftoring inftant vigour to 
 the whole frame, animation tothe counter 
 nance, the mod agreeable flow of fpirits 
 to the mind. In a few words, they im- 
 part that happy temperament both to the 
 body and mind, that marks the tenor of 
 
 exiftence 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 47 
 
 exiftence with a courfe of uninterrupted 
 felicity, only to be experienced in fo pro- 
 pitious a date of the conftitutional fa- 
 culties. 
 
 Such are the beneficial effecls/ for 
 which the human race are indebted to 
 the more immediate operation of the 
 vital qualities refiding in thefe Lozenges. 
 
 In their antifcorbutic capacity, they pof- 
 fefs the invaluable recommendation of 
 entirely counteracting the gloomy in- 
 fluence of the two dreadful fcourges of 
 this othervvife peculiarly favoured ifland, 
 the uncongenial climate^ and the fcurvy, 
 that tremendous diibider which dis- 
 organizes the wonderful fabric of the 
 human form,produces defpondency, with 
 
 all 
 
48 THE WESTERN MAIL. - 
 
 all its terrific train of concomitant evils; 
 ending in the unhappy tendencies to 
 duelling and fuicide, that are the fatal 
 and ever to be deplored propenfities of 
 the Britifh character. 
 
 As the friend of mankind, the Pro* 
 prietor of the Vital, Antifcorbutic, Cof- 
 jnetic Lozenges has devoted days and 
 nights of laborious application to the 
 
 -ftudy of thefe inherent calamities of the 
 Country, and of the antidotes beft cal- ' 
 culated tocountera£t their ravages; and 
 the refult of his refearches has been the 
 infuiion of the antifcorbutic preparation 
 
 -into the Lozenges, which entirely clif- 
 pels the influence of uncongenial fog, 
 vapour, and fudden variations in the 
 satmofpbere ; and of all fcorbutic affec- 
 tions 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 4£ 
 
 lions of the habit. Were a timely ap- 
 plication therefore made to thefe Lozen- 
 ges, on the firft appearances exhibited 
 by the patient of the lamentable effects 
 of thefe indigenous evils, the difaftrous 
 traits of national character, by which this 
 country is now diftinguifhed, would be 
 extirpated from the Britifh dominions; 
 and the ravages of duels and fuicides, 
 not lefs fell than thofe of that rapacious 
 animal the wolf, like his be heard of no 
 more ; and thefe favoured iflands become 
 a new Arcadia. 
 
 To the Ladies. 
 
 It is more peculiarly to the fair fex 
 
 that the Proprietor of the Vital, Antifcor- 
 
 butic, Cofmetic Lozenges prefumes to 
 
 c addrefs 
 
$0 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 iaddrefs bimfelf on their truly invaluable 
 cofmetic properties ; though he flatters 
 liimfelf that they will not be without their 
 recommendation in this quality to fome 
 of the other fex alio. 
 
 Thefe Lozenges preclude all occafion 
 for any other cofmctics, by the tranfparent 
 delicacy which they give to the com- 
 plexion ; the beautiful tint of vermilion 
 with which they fufFufe the cheek (ob- 
 viating all neceffity for rouge); the fpark- 
 ling luftre which they impart to the eye; 
 the removing all freckles, warts, fears, 
 corns, and marks with which an infant 
 may be born ; the totally eradicating 
 that blemifh, which will fometimes de- 
 form the countenance of the moft con- 
 fummate beauty, all fuperfluous hairs, 
 8 and 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 51 
 
 ami effe£tual!y preventing their future 
 growth, at the fame time that they pro- 
 mote the growth of a fine head of hair, 
 improving it where it is deficient in thefs 
 refpedis, both in colour and quality, and 
 adorning it with the mod refplendent 
 glofs. They render ufelefs all applica- 
 tion to lip-falve,. and chicken gloves, by 
 preferving the lips and hands from chap- 
 ping, in the mod inclement fevcrities of 
 the wintry feafon. 
 
 To fum up all that can be laid of them 
 in this capacity in one fentence, they 
 unite, in a compafs not exceeding the" 
 circumference of a half guinea, all the 
 cofmetic appendages of the moil com* 
 pletely furnilhed toilet* 
 
 c 2 ? He 
 
£2 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 The form of Lozenges for an univerfal 
 remedy againft every contingency that 
 may affail the human frame, is peculi- 
 arly adapted to the accommodation of 
 the public, by the facility with which it 
 enables all perfons to have a fupply of it 
 conftantly about them. And the Pro- 
 prietor flatters himfelf that, after once 
 experiencing the invaluable qualities of 
 the Lozenges, no perfon will ever after 
 omit to make them a {landing article of 
 the pocket. 
 
 Sold by all medicine venders of any 
 refpedability in the Britilh dominions. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, $3 
 
 %mtx e. 
 
 FROM ££U "" ' -» ' '""" — i — ■ **— * TO 
 
 MRS* " B ^ l - Baai " IB: ' " ' r " f l|l i 
 
 Madam, 
 THE commands of the fair fex are 
 an imperious law to rne* I throw aiide 
 all other bufinefs, to devote myfelf to a 
 ready obedience to yours. 
 
 The nervous derangement, madam, 
 of which you complain, as rendering you 
 dead all the morning to the enjoyment 
 of life, and only fuffering you to revive 
 to it for the latter part of the day, is a 
 diftemper but too common, and un- 
 c 3 doubtedly 
 
54 TKE WESTERN ^IAIL. 
 
 doubtedly leads in its train the moll gi- 
 gantic evils. But be not alarmed, madam, 
 for it is not absolutely incurable. Judg- 
 ment in the choice of a remedy, and per- 
 feyerance in the application of it, will 
 not fail to effect a cure, even in the moft 
 ebfiinate of thefe cafes. Permit me, 
 therefore, to have the honour of recom- 
 mending a conftant ufe of my Vital, 
 Antiicorbutic 3 Colmetic Lozenges, which. 
 $a &t& vital quality will reanimate you 
 to the full enjoyment of exigence. And 
 as a cofmetiCy madam, do not fear but 
 that they will re\vvi fy you to all the 
 charms of which you have been robbed, 
 " E'en in the very bknTonvof your days,* 
 
 by the fweetnefs of your difpofition ; 
 whi^h has facrificed your health and 
 beauty to the benevolent principle of 
 
 devoting 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. $$ 
 
 devoting your life to the tender fenfi- 
 bilities of friendfhip, which is always 
 claiming your prcfence to ornament the 
 brilliant circles of polifiied fociety. 
 
 I have the honour to inclofe feme 
 cafes tranfmitted to me, by peribns of 
 the firft faftnon, testifying the (aluhrious 
 and beautifying influence of the Lozen- 
 ges, which cannot fail to prove highly 
 confolatory to the fair fex* 
 
 I have the honour to be, 
 Madam, 
 Your moil obedient 
 and very humble fervant, 
 
 a 
 
 Sole Proprietor of the V. A. C. Lozenges 
 * The cafes are omitted* 
 
56 THE WESTERN MAIk* 
 
 better 7. 
 
 FROM D&. — ■ ift TO" Silt 
 
 T_— F— — , KNI0HT, 
 
 Sir, 
 YOUR letter of the — inftant does 
 me infinite honour, and commands my 
 high eft and mofc grateful refpeft. I 
 flatter myfelf that you will not find me 
 undeferving of the confidence you do 
 me the honour to repoie in my abilities; 
 for I may fay, without vanity, that I 
 fliall not difappoint your expectations, 
 having never failed to make a perfect 
 cure in all cafes originating from want 
 of tone in the digeftive faculties. 
 
 1 would 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 57 
 
 I would recommend it to you, fir, by 
 all means, to leave B — h direclly. The 
 fending you thither could only have been 
 the dernier refibrt of a man whofe abili- 
 ties did not extend to the capability of 
 reftoring you to health, and who had 
 not the magnanimity to own it ; and, 
 afraid of your detecting his deficiency, 
 fairly got you off his hands by this ex- 
 pedient. 
 
 Under the watchful attention, fir, 
 that I (ball be proud to have the honour 
 of paying you when you return to town, 
 I make no queflion of reftoring you to 
 health and vigour. But 5 in the mean 
 time, permit me to advife a copious ufe 
 of my Vital, Antifcorbutic, Cofmetic 
 Lozenges, which will enable you to bear 
 the journey without inconvenience. 
 
 c 5 Had 
 
58 THE W2STERK MAIL. 
 
 Had I the art that foine perfons 
 poflefs, of boafting of my pra&ice, I 
 could cite ten thoufand inftances, fir, 
 for your encouragement, of diforders 
 cured by me, that owed their origin, 
 like yours, to that generous conviviality 
 of difpofition, which unites fociety, as 
 by a magic band, in a circle of intoxi- 
 cating delights, realizing the beautiful 
 fiction of the palace of Circe.. 
 
 My ferviees, fir, might, indeed, not 
 only challenge individual gratitude, but 
 alfo the civic honours of all incorporated 
 bodies in the kingdom. \ 
 
 -» 
 
 While it is ever to be regretted, that 
 amiable good humour fhould be expofed 
 to any penalty, for thus lending a refined 
 
 charm 
 
THE VfESTtKN Kf AIL. 59 
 
 charm to fociety, it is a confolatory re- 
 flexion, that the refearehes of fcience 
 have difcovered a balm for the evil, as a 
 reward for the magnanimous facrifices of 
 this benignant temper. 
 
 As I fhall have the honour to lee yea 
 in town very foon, I forbear to inclofe 
 any cafes to teftify my fuccefs in your 
 fpecies of complaint. But I take the 
 liberty to inclofe you a letter which may 
 prove beneficial amongft fome of your 
 acquaintance at B — h* 
 
 I have, fir, the honour to be, 
 With great refpect, 
 Your very obedient, 
 Humble fervant, 
 
 — •*• -~j 
 
 Sole Proprietor cf the V. A, C. Lozenges, 
 
60 THE WESTERN MAIL-, 
 
 (Inckfed in the preceding Letter./ 
 
 FROM W B , ESQ. TO BR. 
 
 Sir, 
 HAD I been fo fortunate as to hav& 
 known of your invaluable Lozenges ear- 
 lier in life, I fhould certainly never ha\:e 
 encountered the hazards of a duel. But,, 
 for want of your admirable preventative^ 
 I have b^en engaged in no lefs than 
 . three. 
 
 After my efcape from the laft I began 
 to grow ferious upon the fubje6l, and 
 was convinced that I muft be a very 
 querulous fellow. This convi&ion led 
 
 me 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL* - 6l 
 
 me to confider the effedt of fuch cha- 
 racters in fociety, and I foon became fa- 
 tisfied that they were intolerable nui- 
 fances; for, by perverting the meaning 
 of words, and then cavilling at them,— 
 putting wrong interpretations on looks, 
 geftures, and the mod innocent adlions, 
 all the harmony of fociety is deftroyed. 
 I refolved, therefore, to reftrain my 
 temper ; and impofed it as a law upon 
 myfelf, till I had corrected my difpofi- 
 tion, never to fpeak without giving my- 
 felf time to reflecl on what I was about 
 to fay. 
 
 At this juncture 1 luckily caft my eye 
 upon your advertifement ; and not doubt- 
 ing but that I muft come under the clafe 
 
 of 
 4 
 
62 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 of fcurvy fubjecls there alluded to, I in- 
 ftantly procured a box of your Lozenges, 
 and have made an unceafing application 
 to them ever fince, 
 
 The good effecl of the regimen I have 
 put myfelf under, is now, I am happy 
 to fay, fo perceptible, that I begin to 
 find I may truft myfelf to fpeak on the 
 impulfe of the moment, without run- 
 ning the hazard of being pulled by the 
 nole, and obliged, by the laws of ho- 
 nour, to challenge my antagonift for the 
 infult that I had offered him. 
 
 I have followed your advice of always 
 having ibme Lozenges in my -] ocket; and 
 if ever I find mylelf in danger of a re- 
 lap le> 
 
 -1b 
 
?HE WESTERN MAIL. 63 
 
 lapfe, I put one into my mouth, and, by 
 the time it is diflblved, I am in good hui 
 mour again. 
 
 I am, fir, 
 
 Your truly grateful. 
 Humble fervant, 
 
 w- — b — .. 
 
 P S. A friend of mine fell into a ftate 
 of defpondency upon repeated failures 
 of promotion in the army, after many 
 years of fervice, and was very near cut- 
 ting bis throat; but fortunately feeing 
 him in his low fit, I gave him aLczenge, 
 from which he found inftant relief. He 
 is now never without one in his mouth, 
 and is as merry a fellow as any in the 
 world, and looks down upon captains 
 and colonels as much as if he were a 
 general inftead of a lieutenant. 
 
<?4 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 %ttttt 8. 
 
 PROM MRS. E— — TO MISS T- 
 
 My dear Niece, 
 YOU are determined to put our 
 friendfhip to a fevere trial. Well! be 
 it fo. 1 will not fhrink from it, nor 
 half perform the duty you claim from 
 me. Delicate as it is to give advice, and 
 more efpecially on the fubje6l of mar- 
 riage, I will give you mine, according to 
 the experience of my obfervations, to 
 the beft of my abilities, though it may 
 very likely be at the hazard of your 
 having already made your determina- 
 tion on the fubjedh If you have no 
 
 other 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 65 
 
 other intereft than paffion in this 
 queftion, I fhall fpeak without any 
 hopes of being liftened to ; but I will, 
 neverthelefs, fpeak as a lincere friend. 
 Should fuch beyourfituation, you ftand 
 upon the edge of a precipice ; for paf- 
 fion, independent of the affedions of 
 the mind, is in its nature tranfitory, and 
 will, probably, leave you at the end of 
 a fhort illufion a prey to difappoint- 
 ment. 
 
 Marriage, to protnife a reafonable 
 profpe6l of happinefs, muft be founded 
 principally on the affe&ions; and, if 
 Mr. D — : — be not in full poffeffion of 
 yours, do not flatter yourfelf that any 
 exterior circumftances can make up for 
 
 a de- 
 
66 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 a deficiency in this refpect. If the huf- 
 band, independent of the relative con- 
 fiderations of fituation in the world, and 
 its various appendages, be not the ob- 
 ject to which all others will be fubordi- 
 nate in your contemplation of this con- 
 nexion, forbear to think of marrying 
 till you meet with a man who (hall be fo; 
 for a hufband will foon become irkfomc, 
 if a place of refidence, a houfe, furni- 
 ture, drefs, company, enter into any 
 competition with him in your eftima- 
 tion. Do not think me fo extravagant 
 as to mean, that you (hould contemn a 
 competency of fortune, a due regard for 
 the comforts of life, and a moderate 
 mixing in fociety; for that would be 
 folly, I only mean, that thefe are fo* 
 
 condary 
 
S iHE WESTERN MAIL. 67 
 
 crondary confiderations to that of the 
 man with whom you are to unite your- 
 felf. 
 
 Paffion commonly makes us blind to 
 every fault in its object ; but it is not 
 the fame with affection. It is not the 
 nature of affection to be blind to, but 
 to bear with the failings of its object : 
 yet, notwithstanding this amiable quality 
 belonging to it, there are, fometimes, 
 particular foibles, varying according to 
 the different turn of our minds, to which 
 even affe£tion cannot reconcile itfelf. 
 I would recommend it to you, therefore, 
 
 to ftudy the difpofition of Mr. D 
 
 with peculiar attention. If there be 
 eny thing either in his principles, tern* 
 per, or manners, from which, in de- 
 fiance 
 
68 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 fiance of your general partiality for him, 
 you fecretly revolt, and think that you 
 can reform, rather combat with your 
 affections, though you muft thus endure 
 a prefent fuffering, than unite yourfelf 
 to him, and incur fufferhigs that can 
 terminate only with yours or his life. 
 
 I am not wild enough to fuppofe that 
 you can ever meet with a faultlefs cha- 
 racter. My caution, therefore, is not 
 intended to extend any further than to 
 fuch faults as may be peculiarly repug- 
 nant to your principles or feelings, and' 
 which you think it will be in your power, 
 becaufe it is your wifh, to eradicate.— 
 Such a hope is generally vain. After 
 the character is once formed it feldorw 
 changes materially, and never at the im- 
 portunity 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 69 
 
 portunity of another. A very ftrong 
 mind will fometimes become fenfible of, 
 and, in a great degree, overcome its 
 failings ; and the infenfible influence of 
 uncommonly good fenfe and fweetnefs 
 of difpofition in a companion, without 
 any direct interference in the conduct 
 of its aflbciate, will fometimes work 
 upon a character to its effe&ual melio- 
 ration. But nothing of the kind was 
 ever effected by teafing, which only 
 opens the door to endlefs little bicker- 
 ings, that infect conjugal life with a mor- 
 tal poifon. Then confider Mr. D — fy 
 principles and general habits, if it be 
 poffible, with a difpaffionate eye, and 
 .determine whether they be fufficiently 
 congenial to your mind not to make a 
 claim on your affections to which you 
 
 fhall 
 
70 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 fhall reluctantly yield. Do not think 
 any thing too minute to be compre- 
 hended in this confideration ; for in what- 
 ever inftance you may vvifh to effect any 
 change in him, even if it be in his drefs, 
 in which you may think him too negli- 
 gent, or too attentive, or in his man- 
 ners, which you may think too unpo- 
 lifhed, or too gallant, it will gradually 
 increafe to difcontents between you that 
 will have ferious confequences. No 
 temper can ftand a conftant irritation^ 
 be the fubje6t trifling or important. 
 
 If it be not fully fatisfa&ory to you, 
 
 therefore, to take Mr. D , fuch as 
 
 he is, do not take him at all. I hope 
 that he is acting on the fame principle 
 towards you ; for recoiled: that he will 
 
 have 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Jt 
 
 have foibles to bear with in you, as furely 
 as you will have ibme to bear with in 
 him. And, if you do not meet with a 
 fpirit of mutual accommodation you 
 can never be happy. 
 
 Complacency of conduct towards each 
 other in the feveral parties, is the only . 
 balls of domeftic happinefs in all the 
 connections of life; and in the conju- 
 gal, more efpecially, ought to be parti- 
 cularly cultivated, becaufe the tie is in- 
 diflbluble, and the effe6t of it on an in- 
 fant family of the higheft importance. 
 It is common for women to comptain 
 that greater conceffions are demanded of 
 them in this refpe&, than of the other 
 fex. Allowing for fome particular in- 
 fiances in both fexes, that are an excep- 
 tion. 
 
72 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 tion, 1 am inclined to believe that thele 
 claims are ufually pretty equal. If men 
 be moll difpofed to be imperious, wo- 
 men are the moft apt to be teafing, and 
 carry their point as often by that means 
 as men do by dire£t authority. And, if 
 the end be the lame either way, I am 
 fure the means are not; for there is all 
 the difference between them, of being 
 killed by lingering torments, or being 
 fhot dead at once. 
 
 Marriage, as you will form an idea of 
 it from what I have faid, certainly is not 
 the marriage which girls in the nurfery 
 are taught to look forward to ; and, if 
 any impreffion of that gaudy unnatural 
 colouring is left upon your imagination, 
 you cannot efface it too foon by the fo- 
 
 ber 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. ?J 
 
 ber tints of reality. Marriage, as it is, 
 often typified by a ratafia cake, is a mix- 
 ture of bitter and fweet, like all other 
 fituations of life; and thofe who marry 
 with more elevated expectations of it 
 are the dupes of their own credulity. 
 For it cannot but have fallen under their 
 obiervation, that human nature does not 
 vary from itfelf in the cafe of their mar- 
 ried acquaintance ; and why, therefore, 
 fhould they fuppofe that its laws will be 
 reverfed in their favour ? I believe mar- 
 riage would feldom be unhappy if it bad 
 never been reprefented under a decep- 
 tive point of view ; but to expect, to live 
 in Elyfium, and find it turn out com- 
 mon life, fours the inflated mind, till it 
 converts its fituation into a hell. 
 
 d The 
 
74 T HE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 The married ftate comprehends the 
 moft important duties that a woman, 
 generally fpeaking, can be called on to 
 fulfil ; and if fhe perform thefe duties 
 confeientioufly, they neceflarily expofe 
 her to many cares. But then there 
 is a counterbalance in her favour, in 
 the affe&ionate relations of this con« 
 nediion above all others, which, under 
 a well-regulated domeftic ceconomy, re- 
 pay, in rational happinefs, the cares that 
 purchafe it ; and we can have no grati- 
 fications for which we do not pay an 
 adequate price. Whoever renounces 
 the duties, will find that fhe lofes the 
 affections, of her family ; and though the 
 vanities of life may, for a time, deaden 
 her feelings to all fenfibility of remorfe 
 
 for 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 75 
 
 tforthe one, and of more tender regret 
 for the other, when vanity can charm no 
 longer, and her home prefents no com- 
 forts, fhe will bitterly repent of her 
 folly. 
 
 To attempt entering upon a detail of 
 the duties of the married ftate would be 
 vain ; for what they are in detail mull 
 always depend upon the general circum- 
 ftanees of each one's fituation in the 
 world : and it is enough to fay that, 
 if you marry from real affe6iion, and 
 with the temper of mind that I have 
 enforced, you, will not fail to inftrudl 
 yourfelf in the duties required of you, 
 and to perform them faithfully. 
 
 d 2 With 
 
J& THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 With the moft earneft wifhes for your 
 happinefs, whichever way you may de- 
 cide upon the affair in queftion, 
 
 I am, my dear niece, 
 
 Your fincere and affedtionate friend, 
 
 M E . 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Jj 
 
 %ttm q. 
 
 FROM MISS F TO MR. W ♦ 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 IF you thought my laft letter a flight 
 of imagination, what will you fay to 
 this ? For, to continue my obedience to 
 your injunction of telling you of all my 
 engagements and adventures, I muft 
 defcribe to you a mo ft curious affem- 
 blage of characters to be met with at 
 once in a private houfe. 
 
 Imprimis, the knight andhis'lady, with 
 
 whom I am now fpending the few days 
 
 for which fhe extorted my promife when 
 
 d 3 * fhe 
 
/8 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 ihe was in the country, took me to dine 
 with a perfon with whom nobody would 
 dine, but for the fake of the magnifi- 
 cent dinners they have there* 
 
 t 
 
 Secondly, for our company— -A mem- 
 ber of parliament, who never faid more 
 than aye and no, talking of his fpeeches 
 in the houfe ; a lawyer, who never had 
 a brief, talking of his pleadings in 
 Weitminfter-hall ; a phyfician talking 
 of his pra$ice, who has no pra&ice but 
 that of being called away from company 
 on falfe pretences of bulinefs; an author 
 abufing plagiarifts, who is an abfolute 
 literary pick- pocket ; a painter talking 
 of the figure he made in the laft exhibi- 
 tion, at which his pi&ures, as they de- 
 ferved to be, were hung out of fight at 
 
 he 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 79 
 
 the top or bottom of the room; an at- 
 torney talking of his honefty, who has 
 twice narrowly cfcaped Handing in the 
 pillory for mal-pra Alices ; my friends 
 talking oft he infolenceof upftart wealth 
 fetting itfelf up in competition with 
 
 rank; Mrs. N , loaded with the 
 
 moft gaudy finery, drawing herfelf up 
 as much as to fay " Look at me/' talking 
 of tafle and elegance in drefs being the 
 true diftin&ion of a woman of fafhion ; 
 
 and mifs C declaiming againft the 
 
 infolence of beauty, with all the dif- 
 agreeable airs of it in weak women, and 
 not an atom of the quality. 
 
 Amidfl: this confufion of tongues we 
 
 fat through a tedious dinner, at which 
 
 the labour of fatisfying our appetites ex- 
 
 x> 4 ceeded 
 
So THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 ceeded even the labour that, I am poll- 
 live, feme of the company had taken 
 to acquire them. The ladies withdrew 
 as ufual ; fippedtea, and, as ufual, talked 
 over all the current fafhions of the time, 
 and all the births, marriages, deaths, 
 and private fcandal of the great world, 
 till it was time for lady P— ~, mils C — -, 
 and myfelf, to adjourn to the concert 
 at the Pantheon, whither we \tere de- 
 ft ined for the evening. Not a beau had 
 the gallantry to attend us. The phyfi- 
 cian, who had avowed his devotion to 
 our fervice, was called away to a patient ; 
 and the reft of the gentlemen gave the 
 preference to wine, rather than to mufic 
 and the Graces. This was, however, of 
 no confequence : we were to meet with 
 gentlemen by hundreds, who w r ere to 
 
 be 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Ol 
 
 be proud of being admitted into our 
 train. By an unaccountable Angularity 
 this, neverthelefs, did not happen. One 
 or two, indeed, juft brufhed paft us, 
 with a condefcending inclination of the 
 head, and an elegantly half muttered 
 i 6 how d'ye do ?" but not a Angle knight- 
 errant enlifted in our fervice, to affift 
 us through the perils of getting away ; 
 and, whimfically enough, to make us a 
 complete trio, though my companions 
 are co?iftanily in the circles of high life, 
 they had neither of them ever been at 
 the Pantheon. The knight had permit- 
 ted his coach to carry us thither ; but we 
 were to find our way home in chairs, left 
 the new painting of the arms fhould be 
 fcratched in the crowd of carriages. 
 
 d 5 When 
 
$2 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 When it was time to think of going 
 home, we fneaked about the place like 
 thieves, to find the chair-door; and not 
 meeting with any fuccefs, we took a fly 
 opportunity of alking one of the women, 
 who take charge of the ladies' cloaks, 
 which was the Poland-ftreet door. But 
 even her defenption failed us ; and it 
 was not till we had put our heads in at 
 every door in the place, that w r e found 
 the right, and her ladyfhip's fervant in- 
 waiting, and got home without any fur- 
 ther adventure. 
 
 To-morrow her ladyfhip exhibits her 
 new title at the City aflembly, and will 
 not releafe me from being introduced^ 
 there, by her, on fo memorable an oc- 
 cafion, The next day I pofitively take 
 
 my 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 83 
 
 my leave of her. I have fcarcely fat 
 down, excepting at meals, or at a public 
 place, fince I have been with her; and 
 if fhe had not been now in a grand 
 buftle, feeing her rooms arranged for a 
 rout, I fhould not have enjoyed this 
 half-hour of leifure to write to you * for 
 
 it is fo delightful to hear lady P 's 
 
 carriage called, that to find fomewhere 
 to go to is her conftant ftudy. 
 
 . I am, dear fir, 
 
 Very lincerely yours, 
 
 A F -. 
 
 d 6 
 
$4 ^HE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 better ia 
 
 FROM JOHN H TO THOMAS F- y 
 
 FARMER, AT — > -SHIRE. 
 
 Dear Thomas, 
 I AM forry to be the mefTenger of ill 
 news to you, but I have the misfortune 
 to inform you that your brother Wil- 
 liam was found dead this morning, hang- 
 ing to the bed-poft in his room. I had 
 obferved fomething very particular in 
 him lately, and that he was not as he 
 ■-ttfed to be, but I could not account for 
 it. But now it comes out upon his 
 death, from all his fellow-fervants, that 
 he bad concerns in the lottery, and that 
 
 all 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. $£ 
 
 all of them had trirfted him with money, 
 as you will fee by his letter which I fend 
 herewith, that was found on the table, 
 and will explain the reafon of his un- 
 happy fate, which all his fellow-fervants 
 join to deplore, and, I dare fay, all that 
 knowed him, for William was held in 
 great refpedl wherever any body knowed 
 him; and, though all his fellow-fervants 
 have loft money by him, yet there is not 
 one but fays that they have no diftruft 
 of bis honeft intentions, but think he 
 deceived himfelf by falfe hopes. I fup- 
 pofe that he had not the power to finifh 
 his letter, which laid open on the table, 
 and was not dry from his tears when it 
 was found. He certainly had not been 
 long dead when he was found ; and he 
 bad not been in bed all night, for it was 
 
 juft 
 
$6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 juft as the girl had left it when ftie 
 turned it down ; and the candle was 
 burned down to the end, from which I 
 fuppofe he had been undetermined in his 
 mind; but, as morning came, did not 
 dare to face his fellow-fervants, which 
 put him on doing this rafh a6L 
 
 I thought you would like to hear 
 what the coroners faid, and fo I would 
 not clofe my letter till their meeting was 
 over ; and now, I am forry to tell you, 
 they bring it in fello di fee, and fo poor 
 William muft be buried in the crofs- 
 way. There is further bad news for 
 the parifh, that I read in the news 
 this morning, as I carried it up to 
 
 my mafter. The young have 
 
 fhot himfelf ; but the news did not feem 
 4 r ] g htl y 
 
 ->~ 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 87 
 
 rightly to know whether it was on ac- 
 count of a quarrel in the regiment that 
 was likely to turn out ill for him, or 
 that he had loft a great deal of money 
 at a houfe fhat is called Brooks's, that 
 he could not pay. But, however, the 
 coroners have found it lunacy, and fo, 
 I fuppofe, he will be brought down to 
 to be buried. 
 
 I am, dear Thomas, 
 
 Your truly loving coufin, 
 
 John „ 
 
S8 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 {Inclofed In the preced'mg Letter.) 
 
 FROM WILLIAM TO THOMAS 
 
 Dear Brother, 
 
 BEFORE this comes to hand I (hall 
 have met my fate, punifhed by my own 
 hand, for the ill condudt I have been 
 guilty of. I wifh every body may take 
 warning by me againft being tempted to 
 deftrucftion by the hopes of gain ; for 
 there is no way to be happy but by ho- 
 neft induftry. How I fell into any other 
 courfe, now, at the awful moment of 
 death, I think it my duty to tell, to 
 warn others from the fame. It was by 
 the perfuafions of fome to join in a lot- 
 tery 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 89 
 
 tery ticket ; and for this end, as I had 
 not money enough of my own, I bor- 
 rowed fome of one of my fellow- 
 fervants, and our ticket came out a 
 blank, which quite difheartened me. 
 But then I was over-perfuaded to try 
 my luck again, and this time I had to 
 borrow all the money ; fo I got a larger 
 fhare, that I might make both times 
 good again. But ftill I had no luck, for 
 this fecond time our ticket was nothing 
 but a blank. Then, which way to turn 
 myfelf I did not know, and I was almoft 
 wild, to think what would become of 
 me, and of all thofe that had lent me 
 money. O, my dear brother I it was 
 an unhappy day in which I ever had any 
 thing to do in the. lottery ; for it has led 
 me on to my ruin, for one bad ftep carrys 
 
 one 
 
90 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 one on to another. And fo next, as I 
 could not raife money enough to get 
 much (hare in a ticket, we tried to bring 
 ourfelves even by infuring; and one 
 thing after another, I pawned all the 
 clothes I could fpare, and all that money 
 went, for we had nothing but lofles; and 
 then I borrowed what little fhe had of the 
 young woman that I have kept company 
 with, as virtuous and as good a girl as 
 ever lived. And now all is gone, and 
 I can no more hold up my head to dare 
 to look any one in the face. I deferve 
 nothing but to die, and die I will ; for 
 all my fellow-fervants will defpife me for 
 my villany, and poor Betfey and her 
 aged mother 
 
THE WESTERN^MAIL. 91 
 
 %ttm n. 
 
 FROM F— — M $ ES©. TO——. 
 
 Madam, 
 THE folicitude with which you did 
 the honour to prefs my writing to you 
 immediately on my arrival in town, was 
 at the fame time fo flattering tome, and 
 fo chara&eriftic of your general and 
 amiable philanthropy, that my vanity at 
 t.he one, and my admiration of the other, 
 will not permit me to be half an hour 
 in London without haflening toexprefs 
 the fentiments with* which both have 
 infpired me. For this reafon I fet my 
 fervant down at the ftationer's, in my way 
 
 to 
 
92 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 to my own houfe, in order to procure me 
 the implements neceflary for writing,, 
 left I fhould not find any in proper order 
 at home. 
 
 It is to my fhame, perhaps, that I make 
 the confeiTion — but, to be honeft, I am 
 afraid my vanity exceeds even my ad- 
 miration. You alone however are an- 
 fwerable for this fin. There was fo 
 little to fear for me on the journey, 
 though the weather was cold, that none 
 but the moft refined fenfibility could 
 have felt any alarm about me. And is 
 it not enough to create vanity in a man 
 of my age, to excite the intereft of fuch 
 delicate fufceptibility of feeling ? Yes, 
 I {hall be acquitted by every living foul 
 who has not a bofom as impenetrable as 
 
 adamant. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 93 
 
 adamant. Shut up in my carriage, wrapt 
 in a warm great coat, with a thick rug at 
 my feet, I ran but little hazard of fuf- 
 fering from the weather; and the chances 
 againft accidents are fo much in a tra- 
 veller's favour, that I fhould imagine, 
 though I am not converfant in fuch mat- 
 ters, that he might at any time be 
 infured at Lloyd's for three-halfpence. 
 
 The ruling paflion will take the lead 
 of us, in fpite of ourfelves. But this 
 varies in us, changeable mortals, in fo 
 fantaftical a manner, that well might 
 Dr. Young fay, 
 
 u Catch ere (he change the Cynthia of the minute.* 
 This it is which throws fo many dif- 
 ficulties in the way of that refpedable 
 clafs of perfons, who with unbounded 
 
 philan- 
 
94 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 philanthropy devote their lives to the 
 
 difinterejied purpofe of affifting thofe tc 
 
 bear the burthen of life, who have the 
 
 misfortune to be opprefied by the heavj 
 
 hand of Time, with whom there is no 
 
 compromife. If we be not the matters 
 
 of him, he will be the mailer of us. 
 
 What then can be more laudable than 
 
 to help the helplefs, in (baking off the 
 
 load which their tyrant has impofed on 
 
 them ? And the patient drudgery of thefe 
 
 philanthropes fhall not lofe it's reward. 
 
 Their fame fhall be as immortal as their 
 
 fituations are honourable. 
 
 But I beg pardon, madam. I have 
 been feduced into a digreffion, from 
 which I will return to my proper fubjedh 
 
 My 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 95 
 
 My vanity, the ruling paffion with 
 which I began my letter, is now fuper- 
 feded by my admiration of your exqui- 
 fite humanity. This ruling paffion in 
 you, of fuch force that it can fcarcely be 
 furpafTed, I have beheld with delight 
 making itfelf confpicuous in the inflance 
 of your little Fidelle. His fatin cufhion 
 for the day, his down bed for the night, 
 his dainty food, his attendant to wafh, 
 comb, and air him, and to perform any 
 other little tender office that he may re- 
 quire, are fuch fpeaking proofs of the 
 philanthropy of your difpofition as are 
 out of the reach of all praife. How 
 often have I been led, from this inftance 
 of your fenfibility, to reflect on the hap- 
 pinefs that every living creature muft 
 enjoy under your protection ! Your 
 
 domeftic 
 
$6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 dcmeftic animals, your houfehpld efta- 
 blifhment, the poor in your neighbour- 
 hood, wherever you are, muft all feel 
 the beneficial influence of a benevolence 
 that extends into fuch minute attentions. 
 And your children— but words cannot 
 exprefs the felicity of children who 
 have a mother attentive to every thing 
 of moment to their folid virtue and hap- 
 pinefs. 
 
 Why do I keep your feelings upon 
 the rack, while I am felfifhly recalling 
 and dwelling on my own pleafures ? I 
 know, from the anxiety that you did me 
 the honour to exprefs for my fafety, that 
 you muft have felt ftill greater uneafinefs 
 on the account of the poftillions and 
 horfes, of which I was to make ufe on 
 
 my 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 97 
 
 my journey, as fo much more expofed 
 to the inclemency of the feafon than 
 myfelf. I am happy to, fay that I have 
 no reafon to fuppofe any of them fuf- 
 fered materially upon the occafion. I al- 
 ways, indeed, take care to fecure to my- 
 felf this fatisfa&ion when I travel, by 
 arranging my affairs in fuch a manner 
 as not to be preffed, by want of time, to 
 that headlong hafte which prematurely 
 deftroys both the drivers and horfes. 
 
 We live, as you no doubt often feel, 
 madam, in a very motley fcene, abound- 
 ' ing in pradlices which we abhor, but 
 cannot generally rfcdreis; though to al- 
 leviate fome of them, at leaft, is in the 
 power of every individual, who will, 
 pardon my egotifm, follow my example, 
 e and 
 
95 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 and have a little confideration in what 
 he is about. I cite myfelf, becaufe the 
 inftance is within the compafs of univer- 
 fal adoption, while your example fhines 
 in a higher fphere; and though the fpi- 
 rit of it might be univerfal, the enlarged 
 principle of the pra&ice, as it is, no 
 doubt, followed by you, can only be 
 adopted, in an extenilve range, by a 
 mind and fortune above the common lot 
 of man. 
 
 The bulk of the mighty mafs of man- 
 kind want examples in detail ; for, un- 
 ufed toreafon, they cannot deduce from 
 general principles a particular line of 
 conduft for themfelves. To thou- 
 fands, therefore, who make ufe of pofi> 
 iorfes, having no horfes of their own,. 
 4 mj 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. ££ 
 
 my example may be (Inking, while 
 yours may elude their obfervation. I 
 run upon the ground before them like a 
 jack-a-lantern ; you glitter in the hea- 
 vens above them like a fixed (tar. But, 
 in that region, madam, I might fvvear 
 by Fidelle, that you difplay, in all its 
 falutary minutenefs, a fyftem of amiable 
 conduct, that might, without excep- 
 tion, be held up as a pattern for imi- 
 tation to all the world, I am fure, 
 in refpedl to the particular fubjedl of 
 which I am treating, that your horfes 
 would be looked far in vain, (tretching 
 along the road, with every mufcle and 
 linew (trained to its utmoft force; or 
 amidft the crowds of carnages which 
 throng the doors of our public places, 
 e 2 or 
 
IO0 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 or private aflemblies, expofcd to all the 
 inclemencies of bitter wintery nights. I 
 ihall fay nothing of the fervants upon 
 the latter occafion, becaufe their cafe 
 differs efTentially from that of the for- 
 mer. A's travellers they muft go on, 
 willi^nilli, at all hazards, and therefore 
 are obje6ls of all the confideration that 
 can be fhown for them ; while in this 
 nodlurnal attendance they have the 
 privilege of reforting to the fervants' 
 hall,, or public-houfe, where cards, por- 
 ter, punch, and gin, will render them 
 the fame amufement and advantage that 
 their mailers and miftrefles derive from 
 their purfuits, while they are waiting 
 for them. There could be nothing 
 then, of courfe, to objed to in the 
 
 latter 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. IOI 
 
 latter cafe, if the borfes had bat an 
 eligible place to refort to as well as the 
 fervants. 
 
 I have the honour to he> 
 
 F M- 
 
 *3 
 
102 THE WESTERN MAII*, 
 
 - %met 12. 
 
 FROM i , OF — — THEA- 
 TRE^ TO ' — >» 
 
 My Dear -, 
 
 MY trial is pa ft. I appeared, as I 
 told you I was to do, laft night, upon 
 the boards or in the charac- 
 ter of ■ — -, and not without eclat. 
 
 The town had apparently formed fome 
 expectations of me ; for the houfe was 
 crowded at a very early hour, and 
 I believe I may fay that it was not dif- 
 appointed. I commanded thunders of 
 applaufe by all my moft brilliant paflages, 
 which, if I may be allowed to judge of 
 
 my 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. ICJ, 
 
 ray own performance, I never gave with 
 better effecl. I felt them tell as I fpoke, 
 and every burft of approbation followed 
 exactly where I had expected it. I ob- 
 ferved the critics in the pit, too, mark 
 all the little touches by which I knew 
 that they would be touched. There was 
 not a bravo from amongft them that I 
 had not anticipated. I was, on the 
 whole, fatisfied with my audience, and 
 I rather think I may fay, without vanity, 
 that my audience was fomething more 
 than fatisfied with me; fo feemed to fay, 
 at leaft, the long and repeated plaudits 
 which (hook the houfe when the curtain 
 fell, and when my fecond appearance 
 was announced for to- morrow evening— 
 and fo fay all the papers of any eftima- 
 tion of this morning. You predicted 
 e 4 that 
 
204 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 that Fame and Fortune would become 
 the attendants on my footfteps as loon 
 as I commenced my career in the metro- 
 polis. Shall I y do you think; falfify 
 your prediction? 1 truft not; for, if I 
 am net miftaken, the ton is given, and 
 I fhall have the town in leading- 
 in lefs than a fortnight. Farewell Fare- 
 wel I 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 'jtetter 13. 
 
 ,FROM LORD N ■ ■ TO COLONEL Y- 
 
 I AM in a whimfical predicament, 
 dear Y — . I am going to be married 
 to one woman 5 another is breaking her 
 heart for me, and a third feems inclined 
 to defend her claims on me, not by the 
 power of lovely lips and bright eyes, 
 though, the Devil take the little jade ! 
 fhe is not wanting in either, but by ab- 
 folute force of arms. 
 
 You will not be at a lofs to guefs that 
 
 the latter is Fanny ; but I will inclofe 
 
 her letter, for it will make you fmile. 
 
 e^ I- (ball. 
 
Iq6 THE WESTERN MAIL* . 
 
 I fhall. foon pacify the dear little vixen 
 by convincing her that, fo far from in- 
 tending to part with her, I am taking 
 the only means by which I can con- 
 tinue to keep her. 
 
 The fecond, I believe, you may have 
 heard me mention, a mifs — — , whom 
 I took fome little notice of in the coun- 
 try* I am forry for the poor girl ; and 
 yet, by Heaven ! Y — , the has piqued 
 me, for fhc is the only woman I ever re- 
 folved to poflefs without having fucceed- 
 ed. And yet the beautiful perverfe 
 creature loves me. C — e it! I cannot 
 imagine how fhe contrived to foil me r 
 
 But now for my marriage in embryo, 
 an affair in which I have been the moft 
 
 fortunate 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. lOj 
 
 fortunate man in the world. Tfte ftroke 
 was ftruck to a moment. Ruin flared 
 me in the face. I had even exhaufted 
 
 my credit in D — - P ; for the 
 
 attacks of the gout, in a certain quarter, 
 do^ not keep pace with my exigencies. 
 About fix weeks ago, perhaps, it may 
 -be, I was one day devilifhly perplexed 
 and out of humour, and not fit for com- 
 pany, fo I fat down to dinner at home. 
 When it was removed, I picked my 
 teeth, and talked with the Earl and Dr. 
 
 — — , who always dines with him 
 
 when he cannot gtt a dinner elfewhere, 
 for full half an hour ; but, at laft, I 
 yawned fo terribly, that 1 was afhamed 
 to ftay in the room any longer. I re- 
 tired, and rang for La Riviere, to know 
 what engagements 1 had for the evening. 
 e6 Hs 
 
I08 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 He ran them over, but I was fo drowfy 
 that I fcarcely heard him till I juft 
 caught Lady C— — 's ball. She is 
 inimitably fplendid in her entertain- 
 ments ; but yet I had a great inclination 
 not to have gone, for the pleafure of 
 mortifying her : but the fellow, 1 fup- 
 pofe, wanted to get rid of me, and he 
 at laft prevailed on me to drefs and go. 
 It is an invariable rule you know, with 
 me, to be late every where; for an ordi- 
 nary figure to fneak into an empty room 
 is very well, but it is my abhorrence. 
 The dancing was begun before my ar- 
 rival I juft glanced my eye on the 
 dancers, and was furprifed to fee, in the 
 xnidft of a thouiarid dear creatures, emu- 
 lous of exhibiting all their charms, 
 everyone's attention fixed on a woman, 
 
 who, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. leg 
 
 who,, with equal good nature in difplay- 
 ing her charms, had not many to difplay. 
 I knew that there muft be fome particu- 
 lar reafon for this ; and liftening to the 
 converfation of thofe about me, I fooa 
 heard, " That is mifs W— — $ the great 
 
 fortune from ," and immediately 
 
 fhe had more charms in my fight than 
 even the lovely lady — * 
 
 I inftantly refolved to try my fortune 
 with her; and inquiring a little more 
 about her, I found (he was niece to fir 
 
 I — ■ — S , who is juft tranfplanted 
 
 from the City to the weft end of the 
 town, and in London this winter for 
 the firft time in her life ; brought to 
 
 market, Y , ; with a hundred and fifty 
 
 thoufand pounds from her father and 
 8, uncle 
 
110 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 uncle together. Being a country dam- 
 fel was in my favour; and, if (be- were 
 not already engaged, I did net think I 
 had much to fear from rivals. 
 
 At the end of the dance I walked to- 
 wards her, and, giving a broad flare at 
 the group amongft which fhe flood, 
 dropped my eyes languifhingly on her, 
 caught her attention, withdrew them, 
 ftole a glance at her the next moment, 
 found fhe was obferving me, put en an 
 embarrafled look, returned to the charge, 
 (be blufhed, and, upon my foul, from 
 that moment I believe I might fay, to 
 brufh up my fchool learning, Vent, indi, 
 *vici. I talked with lacly C about 
 
 her, taking care to turn my eyes fre* 
 quently towards her; and, after giving 
 
 hot 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Ill 
 
 her heart time enough to beat itfelf into 
 an agitation, for I knew, by her manner, 
 that {he had been inquiring who I was, 
 I begged to be prefented to her as folicit- 
 ing the honour of her hand for the two 
 next dances. On our introduction, fhe 
 looked round with a confcious triumph 
 at her companions that was not loft upon 
 me, The mofic foon fummoned us to 
 our poft. I made the beft ufe of my 
 time, and perceived, very decidedly, 
 that my attentions were not thrown 
 away. I engaged her for every other 
 turn during the evening, .and did not 
 dance the intermediate dances. Not to 
 be tedious, the affair has gone on ever 
 fince as I could wifh. I fwear the moll 
 difintereiled love, and that, if fhe had 
 
 not 
 
-*I2 THE WESTERN MAIL.- 
 
 not a hundred pounds, fhe is the only; 
 woman with whom I could be happy; 
 and the little fool fondly vows that fhe 
 fhould be happy with me in a cottage. 
 The -old people have confented; the 
 fettlements are drawing up; the car- 
 riages building; the jewels preparing; 
 and, in a few weeks, I fhall be myfelf 
 again. Then come and fhake hands 
 with me, and I will introduce you to 
 my bride.. 
 
 Good God ! I juft mifs a letter off my 
 table that I would not lofe upon any 
 
 account. That ftrange fellow P 
 
 has been here, who never can fit with- 
 out taking up every thing near him to 
 play with; and it is a thoufand to one 
 
 but: 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL* II^ 
 
 but he has put it into his pocket. I 
 muft go after him diredily. 
 
 Adieu I 
 
 {fnclofedjn the preceding Letter,}. 
 
 PROM FANNY—— TO LORD N— — -* 
 
 Base, perjured man f how often have 
 you fworn to me that, for my fake, you 
 never would marry ! And yet now, with 
 the moil unheard of treachery, you are 
 going to marry without faying a word of 
 it to me, and leave me to be infulted 
 by hearing it firft from that deteftable 
 
 creature , who has long been envious 
 
 of your attachment to me. But why do 
 
 I talk 
 
114 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 I talk of attachment when you arc barba- 
 rous enough to forfake me; and not 
 only that, but toexpofe me to the fneers 
 of a taunting wretch, who came and 
 triumphed over me, by telling me of 
 all the preparations for your odious cruel 
 Carriage, and fays fhe knows it to be 
 true, as fhe had it all from fir Harry ! And 
 what is more intolerable than all the reft, 
 fhe pretended to pity me, and faid fhe 
 believed that all lords were bafe and de- 
 ceitful, and that there was more ho- 
 nour in a baronet than in all of them put 
 together. I could have gone mad with 
 vexation to hear her talk in this manner; 
 and, yet what could I fay ? For, when I 
 told her that I did not believe that it wafr 
 true that you were going to marry, and 
 the only reafon why you had lent me to 
 
fll£ WESTERN MAIL. I I 5 
 
 U-— for a little while was, that you were 
 
 obliged to go down into fhire upon 
 
 feme bufinefs, fhe laughed me to fcorn, 
 and faid that I was only fent here to be 
 out of the way juft till you were mar- 
 ried, and then that you would have me 
 back to to w.n, and, moll likely, get rid 
 of me to fomeof your -cap-in-hand ac- 
 quaintance. * But I will not be got rid of 
 in this manner, I will be your torment, 
 and haunt you every where, and make 
 you remember your bafenefs — yes, that 
 I will. I that have refufed to leave you, 
 though I have had fuch offers from lord 
 
 • , and the great nabob — who 
 
 would have let me eat gold, to be treated 
 in this manner ! — But I will not cry at 
 it, though my heart is ready to burft 
 with fpite. I will think of nothing elie, 
 
 day 
 
Il6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 day nor night, but how to be revenged ; 
 for it is too much to be borne, by any 
 woman, to be forfaken in this way, and 
 infulted over by a creature that (he has 
 always looked down upon for having no- 
 thing better than a baronet to come after 
 her ; and now to be taunted, and have it 
 caft in my teeth that he is not going to 
 be married ! Oh ! I will not endure it ; 
 and, if I do not hear from you diredly^ 
 I will come to town, and raife fuch a 
 Itorm as you fhall not be able to lay again 
 in a hurry. I do not know how to con- 
 clude myfelf, for I have no love nor re^ 
 gard for you till yoti explain yourfelf ta 
 my iatisfa<5tion. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 11^ 
 
 FROM MISS " 1 TO LORD N- -* 
 
 [There can" be little doubt of this being the let- 
 ter alluded to by his lordfhip as miffing ; and that 
 he had either folded it up unintentionally in the 
 foregoing letter, in which it was inclofed, or had 
 forgotten the having done fo.] 
 
 My Lord,, 
 WITH refpe6l to your lordfhip, per- 
 haps, the only proper notice to have 
 taken of your laft letter would have been, 
 to have returned you, -in a blank cover, 
 your letter to my father, when he de- 
 manded an explanation of your particu- 
 lar attentions to me, in which you fo- 
 lemnly allured him that your views were 
 honourable, for that I was the only wo- 
 man with whom you could be happy in 
 
 marriage; 
 
IlS THE W £3 T SB. if MAIL. 
 
 marriage; and it was on the ftrength 
 of thefe afiurances that he permitted^ 
 and that I received, a continuance of 
 your attentions j in the courfe of which 
 you have fo completely kept up the 
 artificial character you were adting, that 
 1 never indulged a fu-pcion of yourfin- 
 cerity. But to myfelf, my lord, fome- 
 thing more is due. I owe it to myfelf 
 to account to your lordfhip for your not 
 receiving an immediate anfwer to your 
 letter, as it would refledl the higheft de- 
 gradation on me to fqffer it to be fup- 
 pofed that 1 could hefitate for a. moment 
 what that anfwer fihould be. 
 
 However flattering the confeffion may 
 be to your h rdftiip's vanity, i fhall not 
 attempt to conceal the anguifh that you 
 
 have 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Up 
 
 have tnfli&ed upon me by afluming a 
 language foreign to my feelings. Ori- 
 ginating, as they do 5 from misfortune, 
 not from guilt, though it will now be 
 the bufinefs of my life to contend with 
 them, I never can blufli at having ex- 
 perienced them. 
 
 It was unfortunate for me, with re- 
 gard to the appearance that my delay in 
 writing may have had to your lordfhip, 
 that I was alone when your letter reached 
 me. My father being ablent on a vifit 
 of fome days— -Oh, God ! without an 
 idea of the (hock to which he will re- 
 turn ; and with no motive, fuch as his 
 prefence would have been, for his fake 
 to fupport my fpirit and counteract its 
 effedts, I funk under the conviction of 
 
 your 
 
120 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 your villany, and have only to-day re- 
 covered from it fufficiently to command 
 the exert ioa neceffary for the prefent oc T 
 cafion. My mind is, indeed, now ele- 
 vated to a tonelhat cannot as yet be lad- 
 ing ; and, when its prefent effort is over, 
 will have to flruggle with the agony of a 
 deciiive parting from all that was moil 
 dear to its affections. But it fhall not, 
 my lord, continue a flave to its fufifer- 
 ings ; and if it can only gradually fub- 
 due them, it fhall dill bear its griefs 
 with dignity. 
 
 Can it be that there is any trial more 
 fevere to an ingenuous mind than to 
 find its-affe&ions and confidence abufed 
 by the arts of deception ? To me it 
 feems impoffible. It has created a con- 
 
 vulfion 
 
THE WESTERN MAfL. 121 
 
 vulfion in all my feelings, in all my 
 ideas, that I have no language to exprefs 
 — that 1 cannot even define to mvfelf. 
 Nothing about me feems any longer in 
 unifoft with the fentiments of my heart. 
 The very poflibility of fuch an event 
 having taken place is fo incomprelrenfible 
 to me, that I take up your letter every 
 moment, to convince mvfelf that it is 
 not an illufion of my imagination. Alas ! 
 my imagination has been ufed to 'figure 
 brighter fcenes to me. I never thought 
 of calamity till it overwhelmed me. I 
 difclaimed all difguifc, my lord, becaufe 
 it did me injuftice ; but I will not de- 
 fcend into weaknefs. I fhall explain 
 myfelf concifely, therefore, on the fub- 
 jecl of your letter, and then bid you 
 farewell for ever. 
 
 f You 
 
122 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 You know but little of me, my lord, 
 if you fuppofe that I will accept of a 
 pecuniary compenfation for the violation 
 of your word of honour pledged to my 
 father, and of your repeated vows to 
 me, of inviolable fidelity to an engage- 
 ment, the fulfilment of which you per- 
 fuaded us was efTential to your happinefs. 
 While I confidered theie affurances as 
 the teflimony of your affe6iion, the 
 world had nothing to offer me that 
 could come into competition with their 
 value. But, now I find that they were 
 independent of your affe&ion, they have 
 loft all their value. Take back your let- 
 ter then, my lord, and in that all the 
 evidence that could ever be adduced 
 againft you on my behalf. And the re- 
 membrance of your attentions and pro- 
 4 teftaticns. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I 23 
 
 legations, which fo plaufibly deceived 
 me, fhall be rooted out from my bread; 
 and then they will foon fade in the me- 
 mories of the few who have ever known 
 of th'em, and have no power to injure 
 you ; for I alike contemn both perfe- 
 ction and profecution. Of what muft 
 that woman's mind be formed, who can 
 expofe a fubjedl of fuch delicacy to pub^ 
 lie animadverflon ? 
 
 Oh, my lord ! notwithftanding all the 
 agony that you have infli&ed on me, 
 may you never experience any thing 
 fimilar to it ! It muft fall, indeed, if 
 you ever fhould, with a double weight 
 on you, as the knowledge of what my 
 anguifh has been, from what you would 
 then feel, muft add remorfe of con- 
 f % fcience 
 
124 THE WESTERN MAII*. 
 
 fcience to your other pangs. And may 
 you find, in the woman to whom you are 
 about to unite yoiiffelf, an affection as 
 devoted as mine ! 
 
 Farewell, my lord, 
 
 Eternally farewell ! 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 12$ 
 
 better 14. 
 
 FROM MISS W TO MISS HAR- 
 
 RIET . 
 
 My deareft Harriet, 
 I AM quite afhamed of myfelf, and 
 have a thoufand apologies to make to you 
 for not having anfwered your laft charm- 
 ing letter long ago. But in this dear de- 
 lightful place we are engaged from morn- 
 ing till night; fo that one never has a mo- 
 ment to one's felf. But as my aunt is only- 
 going to vifit her fifter this morning, who 
 is very ill, and whom Hie has not had time 
 to fee for this week, (and fo fhe intends 
 to tit an hour or two with her,) I thought 
 F3 it 
 
126 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 it would be fo horribly ftupid, that I cx- 
 cufed myfelf by pretending that I had a 
 headach. And then it came into my 
 head that I would write to you, becanfe 
 I have fuch news to tel! you as will give 
 the mod exquifite pleafure to the fenfi- 
 bility of your heart, as it concerns the 
 future happinefs of your friend. And 
 believe me that it gives me the fincereft 
 pleafure to (hare the fympathy of fuch a 
 friend as yourfelf, on fuch an interefting 
 occafion ; for your prophecy, my dear 
 Harriet, will be fulfilled. I fhall be a 
 ■■countefs; though I rnuft wait for that 
 title till a troublefome gouty old man 
 will be fo kind as to die, and leave his 
 earldom and his fortune to thofe who 
 I think will make a better ufe of them 
 than to have the coronet oftener fecn 
 
 upon 
 
1-HE WESTERN MAIL. 1ZJ 
 
 upon a crutch 'than a coach, and pay 
 ices to phyficians. who are forever com- 
 ing to hold confultations about a gouty 
 old carcafe that is not worth taking care 
 of. I am on the point of marrying lord 
 ~N— — , the eldelt ion of the earl of 
 
 IJ «, We only wait for the finifhing 
 
 of the fettlements, and then, no more 
 
 mifs W — — , but lady N , I may 
 
 be faid to begin to live. It is a terrible 
 thing, my dear Harriet, not to be mar- 
 ried. You cannot imagine how many 
 advantages it gives a perfon, unlefs you 
 had been in London, and feen all about 
 the manner of living here. 
 
 I have fuch a deal to tell you that I 
 
 hardly know what to fay next. But, oh 
 
 dear ! I have not told you yet about my 
 
 . f 4 firft 
 
128 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 firft meeting with lord N — — . It was at 
 
 a ball at lady C — 's ; and exadtly what 
 
 you faid would happen with fome young 
 nobleman came to pais, for he fell in 
 love wkh me at firft fight. I was fure 
 of it diredllv ; for he feemed in fuch a 
 
 ml 7 
 
 hurry to know who 1 was, and he danced 
 with nobody elfe the whole evening; and 
 he paid me fuch attentions you never favv 
 any thing like it ; fo that I was fure I 
 might have him if I would. I did not 
 like him half fo well as a great many 
 men that I have feen fince I came to 
 London: — but then they are noneof them 
 to be earls; and as it is a delightful 
 thing to be a countefs, I was determined 
 not to mind that ; and I can flirt with the 
 others a thoufand times more when I 
 am married than I can now. One of 
 
 them 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. lit) 
 
 them is an officer in the guards, and his 
 regimentals are lb beautiful, and he 
 looks fo handfome in them, that I have 
 often wifhed.that he was an earl or a 
 duke ; and then I would certainly have 
 married him, for I am fure he is dying 
 for me. Poor dear creature ! it fame- 
 times grieves me to fee him. And fo it 
 is with a great many more ; for you can* 
 jiot think how I am admired, though 
 you always faid I fhould be, and that I 
 was born to be a countefs or a duchefs. 
 But as there are not fo many dukes as 
 there are earls, I think it better to take 
 lord N , as he will be an ear!, than 
 to wait for a duke, becaufe I do not like 
 to put off being married any longer. 
 He believes that I am quite in love with 
 f 5 him, 
 
I30 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 him, and that I would have him if he 
 was only a curate in the country. 
 
 My dear Harriet, you cannot imagine 
 how magnificent my wedding clothes and 
 my jewels are ; and the drefs that I am 
 to be prefented in will be quite divine. 
 The petticoat is to be lilver gauze, trim- 
 med with three flounces fringed with 
 gold, feftooned with gold taflels and 
 wreaths of the moll beautiful artificial 
 flowers that ever you faw. This is to be 
 over white fatin, and the train is to be 
 celeftial blue fatin fringed with gold. 
 I fhall wear all my jewels, which are ftt 
 in the moil elegant manner you ever 
 faw. Nothing can be half fo delightful. 
 It would take me all day, my dear Har- 
 riet^ 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL.' 131 
 
 net, if I was to tell you half the fine 
 things that I am to have, and half the 
 places we go to ; and I expert the hair- 
 drefler to come foon, and then I can 
 think of nothing bat drefling. 
 
 My deareft friend, I cannot tell when 
 I fhall fee you, for I do not know when 
 we can find any time to vifit my father 
 and mother ; though I fhould like juft to 
 come down for a week at the races, to 
 make the people ftare. The hair-drefler 
 is come; fo 1 am, unalterably, 
 
 My deareft Harriet's 
 
 Mod fincere and affectionate friend, 
 
 I W -, 
 
 96 
 
13^ THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 %ttm 15. 
 
 FROM MR* A TO MR. K . 
 
 My dear Sir, 
 YOU mail excufe my declining to 
 undertake your commiffion, as I have no 
 expectation that I could execute it to 
 your fatisfadlion. 1 have no tafte for 
 caricature prints, and am confequently 
 an improper perfon to employ in making 
 a collection of them. Indeed, to own 
 the honed truth, I feel a difguft at the 
 idea of going and turning them over 
 for the purpofe. I have an averfion to 
 them in every refpe6l. Merely as draw- 
 ings they are always difpleafing to my 
 
 eye, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 133 
 
 eye, and the fubjc6ls generally are fo to 
 my feelings in fome way or other. 
 
 They have none of the recommenda- 
 tions of fatire, and have all the objec- 
 tions of lampoon. They commonly fpeak 
 no language to the public eye, (and it is 
 to the public eye that they are conftantly 
 exhibited,) but that of vulgarity, paffion, 
 and frequently of obfcenity ; all of which 
 are repugnant to my ideas of what it is 
 proper to endeavour to imprefs upon the 
 public mind. 
 
 Vulgarity is a quality that ought ne- 
 ver to be cultivated ; and though an at- 
 tempt to refine the labouring clafles of 
 the community above their fphere of uti- 
 lity would be an abfurd, and to them 
 
 prejudicial, 
 
134 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 prejudicial, attempt, it is beyond every 
 thing defirable to infpire them with that 
 decency of manners appropriate to their 
 ftation, that conftitutes the very eflence 
 of good order in fociety. Paffion is 
 fufficiently aclive without the aid of in* 
 centives, and requires the curb rather 
 than the fpur. And obfcenity ought to 
 be restrained by every poffible means, in- 
 Head of being encouraged. 
 
 I would, for thefe reafons, have all 
 caricature reprefentations withheld from 
 public exhibition. If they be nothing 
 worfe, they muft always be, from the 
 extravagance effential to them, a very 
 vulgar fpecies of humour, and fo far 
 adverfe to chaftity of tafte, whichi muft 
 be attended to in every thing if we would 
 
 cultivate 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 1 J5 
 
 cultivate a general propriety of conduct. 
 But it is not my wifh, in fuggefting this 
 meafure, to deprive the weary eye of la- 
 bour of the tranfient gratification of a { 
 paffing glance, or a momentary paufe, at 
 fome object of amufement, which fhall 
 diverfify its ideas, and enliven its hours 
 of occupation. And fubjedts might be 
 chofcn for this purpofe that fhould con- 
 vey inftrudlion with amufement. 
 
 Animated reprefentations of the prac- 
 tical ufes of all mechanical improve- 
 ments in the various implements ufed in 
 every branch of labour, and any novel- 
 ties in the way of domeftic utenflls, would 
 open a fource of ufeful knowledge in the 
 familiar illuftrationsof thefe obje&s, and 
 tend to counteract the prejudices often 
 
 indulged 
 
I56 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 indulged againft them, by thus produ- 
 cing a frequent recurrence of them to the 
 mind ; and they would afford, at the 
 -fame time, a lively and interefting fub- 
 je6l of entertainment. An unfophifli- 
 cated mind is always moft truly gratified 
 by fuch refources of amufement as come 
 home to the more tranquil feelings, and 
 to which it reverts with the confcious fa- 
 tisfa6tion of having gained fome valuable 
 acquifition of knowledge. The more 
 Simulating amufements create a fever in 
 the mind, that is inimical to it in every 
 refpedt. 
 
 While recreation and infiru#ion are 
 thus planned for the inciuflrious, the 
 idle might be won, by this means, to a 
 momentary fchool, that, by the unoffend- 
 ing 
 
THE WJESTKRN MAIL, I37 
 
 ing gentlenefs of its repeated leflbns, 
 might affift to entice them from their bad 
 habits ; inftead of, as now, their meeting 
 with encouragement, by lounging over 
 obje6ls which had better never meet 
 their eye. 
 
 To inftancc one amongft this number, 
 and not one of the moft prominently ob- 
 jectionable, — to what end does a poor 
 man fee a .minifter upon the back of John 
 Bull, with a lift of taxes falling out of his 
 pocket ? Not for his information ; for he 
 ieels the fa6l to which it alludes every 
 day. Not for the fake of inftru6tion in 
 his employment or moral conduct ; for it 
 does not convey any. Not for the pur- 
 pofes of rational amufement ; for it irri- 
 tates him to a difpofition of mind not at 
 
 all 
 
I38* THE WESTEPvN MAIL. 
 
 all productive of pleafurablc feelings. 
 And were we to go on analysing in this 
 way, where fliould we find one of thefe 
 reprefentations that would fiand the tcft 
 of inquiry into its being applicable to 
 any good effect ?, And, if this be the 
 cafe, they ought not to be encouraged ; 
 for utility is the grand point that (hould 
 be always kept in view. 
 
 It would furely then be an experiment 
 worth trying, to make an exchange in the 
 fubjc<5h of thefe Handing exhibitions, 
 diffeminated, not only not throughout al- 
 moft every ftreet in this town, but more or 
 lefs throughout every town in thekingdom. 
 A fufficient choice of fubje&s could not 
 fail to fuggeft themfelves to perfons really 
 intent on purfuing fuch a hint as I have 
 
 thrown 
 
TJX% WESTERN MAIL. I 39 
 
 thrown out; and without any more ex- 
 penfe in the execution of them than is 
 bellowed on the prefent fubje6is, they 
 would anfwer the end that I propofe. 
 And all that makes thefe exhibitions an 
 eyefbre, as they are at prefent conducted, 
 being thus done away, and the idea of 
 utility being afibciated with them, they 
 would, no doubt, become an interesting 
 and pleafing obje6l of contemplation to 
 the mod informed as well as to the lefs 
 informed mind. I have run into a long 
 diflertation in apologizing for my ncg- 
 led! of your commiffion ; but you know 
 my habits, and are kind enough to ex* 
 cufe me. 
 
 I am, dear fir, 
 
 With great regard, 
 
 Yours very fincerely, 
 
 G A . 
 
I40 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 %ttm 16. 
 
 
 FROM THE REVEREND N S— T0 
 
 THE REV. J— R- . 
 
 Dear Jack, 
 IF you have any regard for me, ftop at 
 my church in your fcamper on Sunday, 
 juft to run through the prayers, and 
 give the poor devils a neat little fermon 
 of five minutes long, with a flourifih at 
 the end of it, to fend them away in ec- 
 flafies. If you cannot contrive to do 
 
 this, old parfon G muft trot over 
 
 on his broken-winded horfe, wfth one 
 of his lleeping doles, and I muft pay 
 my half guinea, unlefs you can cajole 
 
 him 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I4I 
 
 him into doing it for feven and flxpence. 
 I will not fet my foot out of London 
 while I have a fhilling in my pocket, but 
 I am devilifhly afraid that I fhall not 
 hold out long. By Sunday fe'nnight I 
 lhall, , moft likely, be preaching myfelf, 
 with a face long enough to pafs for a faint, 
 and out of humour enough to pray with 
 thefpirit,and with theunderftandmg alfo, 
 againft being led into temptation. 
 
 A fet of us dined the other day at 
 the London tavern ; and, as I was com- 
 ing away, I found my redtor daggering 
 down flairs from a great feaft, as drunk 
 as a lprd, and I helped him into his car- 
 riage; for I was, fortunately, cool-headed, 
 being engaged to take a few throws at 
 hazard in the courfe of the evening. 
 
 Do 
 
142 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Do you think that I fhall have a jobation 
 this year for ftcaling off to town ? 
 
 I fhall be too late at Angelo's* 
 if I ftay another minute, and I have 
 milled my leficn there thefe two days. 
 And I have afterwards to meet lord M — 
 
 -and fir H T , at Tatterfall's, 
 
 to choofe phaeton horfes for one, and 
 hunters for the other. 
 
 My dear fellow, 
 
 I am yours for ever, 
 
 N S : 
 
 * A celebrated fencing-mafter. 
 
THE WESTFRN MAIL. I43 
 
 %ttttY 17. 
 
 FROM MR. P TO MISS C , 
 
 Dear Madam, 
 I HAVE made uie of all my elo- 
 quence with the bookfeller to no pur- 
 pofe, to perfuade him to come up to your 
 terms, for your romance or novel, I for- 
 get wfiich you call it. He infills upon 
 it that it is not above a third rate per- 
 formance, and that he never gives more 
 than ten guineas for third rates. He 
 even declares, that if it had not been for 
 the title, which* he has the grace to own 
 is, in part at leaft, very excellent, he 
 fhould not have rated it (o high, and 
 
 would 
 
144 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 would not have given above five gui- 
 neas. He thinks that the title, with 
 an alteration which he fuggefts, will be 
 iuperlative. 
 
 Inftead of " The fecret, myfterious, 
 terrific horrors of the haunted recefles 
 of the gloomy cave of Elfinodorinnia, 
 or, Memoirs of the misfortunes of the 
 unfortunate Alfred de Claridona and 
 the heirefs of the illuftrious family of 
 Bontimeni," he willies to have the " or" 
 changed to cc of the incomprehenfible 
 memoirs of the five ghofts of the 
 vaulted cloifters of the abbey of Petti- 
 chini. on the confines of the defolated 
 ruined remains of the Gothic caftle of 
 Nantominico." 
 
 He 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 1 45 
 
 He objedts to the heroine's dying ; as 
 he fays that for one reader who will like 
 it as it is, a hundred will prefer it if 
 you kill the mother and guardian, and 
 marry the young people, 
 
 I fhall await your commands on thefc 
 points, and as foon as I receive them will 
 proceed to finifh. this bufinefs without 
 delay. 
 
 I am, dear madam, 
 
 With great admiration, 
 Your humble fervant, 
 
I46 T HE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 %ttm is. 
 
 FROM MR. R« I — TO MR. 
 
 I S . 
 
 My dear Brother, ' 
 
 IT is to no purpofe to urge to the ■ 
 
 that you have a large family, are poor, 
 and your conduct exemplary. You muft 
 put your/elf forward and make a ftir as 
 if you were fomebody, or you and your 
 worth may ftarve in a jail, for it will be 
 of no nfe to the — — to remove you from 
 it. You forget that we are not living in 
 the times of the old Romans, when it was 
 honourable for a man in any ftation to 
 
 bring 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I47 
 
 bring up a large family. To fay now ia 
 fome fituations that a man has feverai 
 children is much the fame as to call him 
 a fool. If he be poor, every one fhakes 
 his head at the profpe6t of poor rates. 
 If in moderate circumftances, people re- 
 mark with a fheer, according to the rank 
 of life he may be in, "The man might 
 have done very well in bufinefs, or, he 
 might have lived like a gentleman, if he 
 had not encumbered himfelf with a fa- 
 mily." It is a very confolatory reflection, 
 that the obje&ions to a family are obvi- 
 ated, in fome fituations of life, by the eafe 
 with which children may be provided for 
 in the church, army, navy, or fome other 
 fnug means, without any further trouble 
 to the public, and without any incon- 
 venience to their parents. For, if it were 
 >P 2 not 
 
I40 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 not for this fuppbrt to the population of 
 the kingdom, the obftrudiions to it that 
 threaten us, in the other inftances alluded 
 
 to, might have a very ierious effedt. 
 
 You would recommend yourlelf much 
 more effectually to the by bring- 
 ing up a large body of voters at the next 
 election, and marching at their head with 
 a cockade in your hat, than ever you will 
 do by bringing up children. 
 
 I know of no medium to fuggeft to you 
 between making yourlelf contented as 
 you are, or afluming an importance that 
 will make it politic not to overlook you. 
 If you play your cards well, you mayfoort 
 make this ibmething more than imagi- 
 nary ; for there are many ways to injure 
 
 a caufe, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I49 
 
 a caufe, if you cannot find any to ferve 
 it. And I fnfpecl that they are the furer 
 means to preferment. Much more is 
 given to fear than to gratitude, for hun- 
 dreds are fufceptibJe of the former to one 
 who truly feels the latter. The real prin- 
 ciple of gratitude is never frit but in 
 generous minds, and indeed can have 
 nothing to do in thefe affairs of bargain 
 and fale. It is a refined fentiment, in- 
 fpired by the magnanimity with which a 
 benefit is conferred. and exprefles itfelf by 
 delicate and fincere attachment, and mu- 
 tual fervices, if they be in its power, to- 
 wards its benefactor. 
 
 Make yourfelf feared then, if you would 
 
 rife to eminence, and you will foon attain 
 
 it. If you can be fatisfied with medio- 
 
 G 3 crity, 
 
IjO THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 crity, make yourfelf biify, and it will be 
 your reward. If you would command 
 refpedt even from thofe who hate and op-, 
 pofe you, contract your wants, even 
 though it fhould be with difficulty i with- 
 in the bounds of your poffeffions, and 
 cfieem your principles and independence 
 as the nobleft of all diflinciions ; though 
 they may be flickered only by a Io*ly 
 roof, and know no other luxury but con- 
 tent. 
 
 As foon ss I fliall have the mesne, 
 vhich I am working hard to obtain ho- 
 nourably, to aflift your narrow income, 
 you (ball fhare my fortune as you fin- 
 cercly fhare my heart. Till then keep 
 up your fpirits, and do not let your an^ 
 xiety about your children deftroy your 
 
 delight 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. l$l 
 
 delight in them. Educate them in the 
 principles of virtue and activity, and we 
 will then endeavour to find tome way to 
 fettle them decentlv at leaft in the world. 
 
 I am 
 Your truly affectionate brother. 
 
 04 
 
1^2 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 %ttttt IQ. 
 
 FROM MISS ■ ■ 5 AT- SCHOOL; TO 
 
 MRS . 
 
 My deareft Mamma, 
 I HAD the pleafure of feeing my deareft 
 papa yefterday, and I was happy to fee 
 him look fo well^ and'to hear that he left 
 you and all my deareit brothers and fifters 
 in good health. He brought my dearefl 
 brother Frederic Francis to fee me before 
 he took him to fchool, and I was happy 
 to fee him well and in good fpirits. I 
 wonder how he will like fchool. Though 
 I am fure if his fchool-mafler is as kind 
 
 and 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 153 
 
 and good as my governefs he mull be very 
 happy there. 
 
 My dear friend mifs is not re- 
 turned to fchool yet. She has had the 
 whooping cough, and her kind mamma 
 thought it would "be better for her to flay 
 in the country. It is a very great lofs to 
 me not to have her here, but as it is for 
 her good I ought not to regret it. And 
 I fincerely hope to fee her quite recovered 
 when her kind mamma thinks it fafe to 
 let her come back. 
 
 My deareil: papa tells me that you and 
 all my cleared brothers and lifters will 
 come to London in the fpring. I (hall 
 long for the time very much when I fhall 
 have the pleafure to fee you all again ; 
 g 5 and 
 
154 TH - WESTERS MAIL. 
 
 and I hope I (hall fee you all in good 
 health. 
 
 My deareft papa faid he would be To 
 kind as to call and fee me a^ain, and 
 take my letter, before he leaves London. 
 I hope he will have a fafe and agreeable 
 
 journey down to — ., and have the 
 
 pleafure of finding you and all my deareft 
 brothers and filters in good health. 
 
 My governefs defires her particular 
 compliments to you and all the family. 
 
 "With my duty to my deareft mamma, 
 and my love to all my deareft brothers 
 and fifters, I am, deareft mamma, 
 
 Your dutiful daughter, 
 
 WILHELMINA ELIZABETHA - .. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, l$g 
 
 )Uttcr 20. 
 
 FROM MR. N TO MRS. N 
 
 Deareft and mod valuable of Women, 
 I never fat down to write to you before 
 without the feeling of regret that I was 
 not with you. But I now feel the new 
 and horrid fen fat ion of being glad that I 
 am not with you ; for I know not how I 
 could at prefent fupport the fight of you 
 and my children, though I am confident 
 that you would not reproach me by a 
 word, or even a look, for the ruin in w 7 hich 
 my miftaken folly has involved you. But 
 this tendernefs would be a keener reproach 
 to me than any that words or geftures 
 g 6 could 
 
Ij6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 could convey. Good heaven'! how (hall 
 I firft meet again thofe embraces, that 
 patience of fuffering, which but in thought 
 overpower me, and that will be at once 
 my feverctt punifhment and my only 
 confolation ? 
 
 My deareft love, we are reduced al- 
 mofi: to beggary. That friend, as I 
 thought him, in whole hands I trufled 
 the greateft part of our fortune, for the 
 fake of the fuperior advantages which this 
 difpofal of it offered to us, has failed for 
 fo enormous a fum, that the wreck of his 
 affairs will fcarcely divide a fhilling in the 
 pound to his creditors. The temptations 
 of fpeculation, and the thoughtlefs ex- 
 travagance of his mode of life, have 
 brought on this cataftrophe, which involves 
 
 many 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I 5 7 
 
 many fufferers befides ourfelves. It will 
 make very little difference to him, except- 
 ing the being a gentleman at large in- 
 ftcad of a man of bufinefs. The fettle- 
 ment upon his wife will fupport him 
 and his family in affluence. Had it been 
 a competency only that he had thus re- 
 ferred for himfelf, perhaps none of his 
 creditors would have repined at it, for the 
 fake of his family. But the other is too 
 much, when many of them are beggared. 
 
 It will be difficult at my advanced 
 time of life to engage in any purfuit that 
 will be adequate to our lots. I am no 
 longer able, as I fhoukl have been at an 
 earlier period of life, to engage in pro- 
 feflions that require the vigour of youth, 
 and that are flow in their progrefs to fuc- 
 
 cefs: 
 
I5S THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 cefs : and to engage in any mercantile 
 concerns I have not now the means. In 
 dwelling inceffantly on the fubjedt of 
 finding fome method to alleviate the lofs 
 of fortune that I can never wholly retrieve, 
 numerous projedtspafs through my mind, 
 many of which I am obliged to rejecl 
 immediately as impracticable. My dear- 
 eft and wifeft counfellor, you muft affiil 
 to diredt my choice in this object. As 
 far as the prefent confufed ftate of my 
 mind admits of forming any decifion on 
 this point, I hefitate between endeavour- 
 ing to get into fome mercantile houfe as 
 a clerk, for which employment I could 
 foon qualify myfelf, or devoting myfelf to 
 farming as a bufinefs, inftead of a matter 
 of family convenience, and amufement, 
 as I have engaged in it hitherto. 
 
 4 In 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I59 
 
 In adopting either plan, or any other 
 plan, we mud part with our prefent place 
 of refidence. The idea of this as yet af- 
 fe&s me even to weaknefs. I have lived 
 there with you for twenty years. And it 
 in uft now be fold. It will not be poffible 
 to make a compromifebetween the gentle- 
 man > and the man who muft work for the 
 daily bread of his family : for this little 
 property is not enough to give us bread ; 
 and it is every way inconfiftent with our 
 prefent circumftances to refide there any 
 longer. 
 
 My anguifh is intolerable at the claims 
 that I have to make on your fortitude and 
 affe6tion; and if I did not know the 
 ftrength of both I fhould fink under the 
 weight of it. My poor children too ! what 
 
 an 
 
l6o THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 an entrance into life, with all their pro- 
 fpe#s blafled ! In what manner can I now 
 fettle my fons; and how bid my daughters 
 conform to a change of fortune that cuts 
 them off from all probability of ever being 
 eftahlifhed in the line of life in which they 
 have been educated? Our boys may over- 
 come the difadvantages of their fituation 
 by their own exertions,but theymuft hang 
 upon the girls for ever. Yet Catherine 
 hasbeen my only fupportj andiffhehad 
 not been with me, I know not how I 
 fhould at all have recovered from the fir ft 
 effe&s of this blow. I brought her to 
 town upon a fcheme of pleafure, and in- 
 ftead of that the has met with a fevere 
 leffbn on the fickle changes of that world 
 into which flie was juft entering. 
 
 If 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. - l6l 
 
 If my children will fiill receive their 
 father's bleffing, tell them that I blefs 
 them, and love them with all my foul. 
 But I wrong them to doubt it. And you, 
 tendered and beft of wives, you will not 
 hate me, but {till cberifh with your love 
 
 Your devotedly affe&ionate, 
 
 But afRi&ed huftand, 
 
 W N _ — ; 
 
l62 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 fetter 21. 
 
 MISS N TO MISS LUCY X- 
 
 Dear tucVj 
 
 MY father's letter to my mother will 
 inform you of his misfortune. I fhall 
 forbear to mention it, therefore^ as I write 
 in a great hurry, without my fathers 
 knowledge, to beg, if you think my 
 mother can undertake the journey and 
 the meeting with him immediately, that 
 you will propofe to her to come to town; 
 as he cannot leave it at prefent, and I am 
 fure nothing will confole him till he fees 
 her. He fays very little upon the fubjecl 
 of his lofs, and endeavours to keep up 
 his fpirits. But, oh ! Lucy, ifyoivwere 
 to fee his countenance, and hear him 
 
 fometimes, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. l6j 
 
 fometimcs, in an agony of mind in which 
 he feems to forget that I am prefent, 
 repeat half aloud " My wife ! my children ! 
 how fhall I ever meet them again ?" you 
 would indeed be wounded to the heart. 
 And it coft him, I could perceive plainly, 
 many fevere ftruggles to get through his 
 letter to my mother. 
 
 I do every thing that 1 can think of 
 to confole and amufe him ; but I am 
 convinced that the only cffedhial means 
 of doing him any fervice will be my 
 mother's coming. He now dreads the 
 meeting with her; and when that is over, 
 and he has her company, I am certain he 
 will be better. 
 
 1 am, in the greateft hafle, 
 Your affectionate fifler, 
 
 Catherine N * 
 
164 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Xtttzt 22. 
 
 FROM ■ — TO 
 
 FOR any thing I fee, my dear honey, 
 this is a town where there is the greatefl 
 plenty of every thing, and where a man 
 may as aifily ftarve as if he were in a 
 barren ifland. For why, there is nothing 
 to be had without money ; and by Jafus, 
 though there is a great warehoufe for 
 money and plenty of retail (hops be- 
 iides, the devil a bit can a man buy any, 
 unlefs he can get a morfel of paper wrote 
 after a particular manner, a certificate I 
 fuppofe that he is in diftrefs. And then, 
 by the lord, when he has got money he 
 
 may 
 
THE \V£STERN MAIL. I 65 
 
 may do as he plafes, and be as good a man 
 as ever a one of them. 
 
 By my falvation, there is nothing to 
 be leen here but botheration from morn- 
 ing till night ! If you would wait awhile 
 to go out a little bit privately into the 
 ftrates, upon my fhoul you might wait the 
 wholeday,and thebeftpart of the night too^ 
 till all the paple is afleep ; and this, you 
 will hardly believe me, never happens, for 
 before fome paple are gone to bed, by 
 faint Patrick fome are getting up again^ 
 and this keeps the ftrates never quiet. It 
 is quite another world from what we live 
 in at Killanna-warden. I fuppofe our 
 Dublin may be foroething refembling to 
 it; but I am fure I never faw the like of it 
 
 within 
 
I 66 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 within many a long mile of us, as far as I 
 had been before I parted from old Erin 
 to try my fortune acrofs the fea, But 
 there is one good thing here : if you are 
 tired of living, there are plenty of men 
 who will do your bufinefs for you 
 prafently ; and you need make no more 
 ado but to fend for one of them, as they are 
 to be had in every ftratej and by Jafus the 
 job need not be long in hand if you take 
 all he orders you, for he will lend in ftuff 
 enough that you may be poifoned with- 
 out any further trouble in two or three 
 days, Thafe be much civiler gentlemen 
 than they that mend broken limbs; for, 
 upon my fhoul, if a man chance to break 
 his leg, it colts him more to have the old 
 one mended than a rafonable man would 
 
 aft 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 167 
 
 afk for a new one, and the others will 
 .do you a turn that is a great dale more 
 lading for a trifle more expenfe. 
 
 And there are other paple as civil as 
 
 thafe, that will be fo kind as to write for 
 
 you great whole (beets of writing as big 
 
 as a moderate (ized table, that it would 
 
 puzzle a man for half his life to read ; and 
 
 others that will take your part, and (land 
 
 upon their legs and praech a fermon for 
 
 you as long as ever you heard one in 
 
 the field, and all out of good nature to 
 
 fee you righted, if you have been any 
 
 way wronged; and yet with all this trouble. 
 
 it often happens that a man is ruined in 
 
 getting his right ; for why, there comes 
 
 in a bill, and I fappofe the charges are 
 
 made by the word at fo much apace, or 
 
 elfe 
 
l6S THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 elfe, by Jafus I cannot confave how it 
 fhould come to fuch a price. But, how- 
 ever, this is all in the way of feeing juf- 
 tice done between one and another; and 
 nobody can fay but that juftice ought to 
 be done to every body, and I fuppofe 
 they charge it high to paple that have 
 money, that the poor may have it for no- 
 thing; and nobody can fay but that this 
 is very confiderate : and then what does 
 itfignify if a man is ruined one time ? for 
 then the next time he will be righted for 
 nothing. 
 
 And thafe are not the only paple that 
 dale in words, for there are great num- 
 bers that make books with them ; and 
 though I fuppofe they are all very learned 
 and very ufeful, yet upon my fhoul it 
 
 would 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 169 
 
 would puzzle a man fometirnes to tell 
 how ; for tHey make more than either 
 you or I could read in all our lives, if wc 
 were to do nothing elfe but read, till we 
 made ourfelves fo learned, that by Saint 
 Patrick paple could not tell whether we 
 were moft like wife men or fools. For 
 it feems to be much the fame with reading 
 as the fmne: is fometirnes about victuals, 
 that " what is one man's rnaet is another 
 man's poifon." And fo I fuppofe if there 
 is not fomething of a found conftitution 
 in the head, the fame as in the itomach, 
 to make what it takes-in turn to a good 
 account, that it makes as iirange a bother- 
 ation intone place as the other; and that 
 the head cannot be aify again, any more 
 than the ftomach, till it has aifed itfelf 
 by throwing it up - and fo it comes that 
 h fuch 
 
I70 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 fuch odd things are mixed together as 
 has puzzled many a wife head to think 
 where they could come from. Arrah, 
 my honey,, I have fometimes a mind to 
 be after making of a book myfelf. I 
 could buy an old dictionary for a trifle, 
 and there I could get plenty of words and 
 put them together as fa ft as ever a one 
 of them, and leave it to the paple that 
 read to find the fenfe; for upon my fhoul 
 it would be too hard for an author to find 
 words and fenfe both. It would be as 
 raiibnable to expecl parfons to live up to 
 what they praech. And pray is it not job 
 enough to be thinking about taechiqg 
 other paple, without having to think about 
 themfelves ? Bah bah ! Paddy knows bet- 
 ter than that. One thing at a time, and 
 bufinefs goes on twice as well as when a 
 
 man 
 
??KE WESTERN MAIL, 171 
 
 man is bothered with two things at once. 
 — But though feme paple have fo many 
 words, by my faith, honey, it would make 
 you flare fometimes to find that other 
 paple have fcarcely any at all, but are 
 always faying the fame over again, like 
 my grandmother's parrot, and, as I am a 
 living man, I believe with about as much 
 maneing* You cannot go into a fhop 
 and buy what you want without being 
 able toget it,but they tell you they expect 
 it the next day ; and fo you may be 
 ferved from one end of the town to the 
 other, and get the fame anfwer every day, 
 till upon my fhoul a man gets tired of all 
 his wants, and had rather fave his patience 
 by hearing no more of their lies, than have 
 the beft thing in their fhop which they 
 are only expedting every day. 
 
 h 2 Never 
 
lj% THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Never truft Paddy again, if it is not 
 true, that I went one night to a very odd 
 kind of a houfe, where I was told I fhould 
 fee King Richard. Arrah, thought L it 
 will be a fine thing to fee a king; and ib 
 I paid my money with all the good will 
 in the world — for they told me he was 
 never to be feen under fo much apace. 
 And I afked the man that fet next me 
 to tell me which was him; and prefentiy 
 he jogged my elbow and faid That was 
 he ; and upon my fhoul it was nothing 
 but a man that I had feen the day before 
 at an ateing-houfe, only a little finer 
 drefled. And when I was angry to be 
 made fbch a fool of, and cailei out It 
 was a chatc, and I would have my money 
 again, for I bad feen him before, and had 
 nothing to pay but my dinner, a hundred 
 
 pa pie 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 173 
 
 paple fell upon me at once, and turned 
 me out of doors. And they are al- 
 ways putting up fomething to be iccn 
 there as if it was a great curiofity ; but 
 they fhall never take me in again as long 
 as I live. 
 
 X have been waiting all this time till 
 I could write Englilh, that I might make 
 you and all my dear joys wonder at my 
 learning by not being able to underftand 
 me, and I write a little every day or 
 two that you may never be long without 
 hearing of me; and then I fhall fend it all 
 at once to fave expenfe in the pottage . 
 And I fhall fend it firft down to my dear 
 
 joyat j and then if he has not time 
 
 to write you a line, it can tell you how it 
 h 3 finds 
 
174 TH E WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 finds him, and fave him the trouble of fay- 
 ing any thing. 
 
 Now I have faid all that I have to tell 
 you, I have a great dael more to fay 
 another time; for upon my fhoul I never 
 law fuch a place as it is for finding won- 
 derful things in it. You may go to fee 
 lights every day, and yet by Jafus never 
 have done* for there is enough to laft a 
 man his whole life : for paple are always 
 fo civil as to be putting up papers to tell 
 you of a thoufand things to be feen j and 
 tobe fure it is very good-natured of them, 
 as they muft be at a great expenfe, ancj 
 all to oblige their neighbours. 
 
 And now, my dear honey, I will leave 
 
 off 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, iy § 
 
 off before I have done, for fear I (hould 
 leave nothing of all I have got to tell you 
 for another time, and then you would 
 have nothing of all I have got to fay but 
 an empty letter. 
 
 And fo I am, my dear honey, without 
 any more to do, 
 
 Your truly loving coufin and friend, 
 
 m^ 
 
1/6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 %tttZV $3. 
 
 FROM -* TO MR. — — . 
 
 I WILL hear none of your fhuffiing 
 
 excufes. When I write for money I will 
 
 have money, and you muft raife it as you 
 
 can. If there be no other means to be 
 
 devifed, fome of the timber muft go. It 
 
 is mere nonfenfe to talk of defpoiling the 
 
 eftate by cutting timber year after year, 
 
 as has been done lately. What is it to 
 
 me who may want timber a hundred years 
 
 hence ? It is very certain that I fhall not, 
 
 and therefore I fhall take the liberty of 
 
 doing what I pleafe with it now, and 
 
 infift upon it that you obey my orders 
 
 without 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I 77 
 
 without another word of remoaftrance 
 upon the fubjedl. If my father chofe to 
 liften to your fool's prate, and to ride 
 through his woods rather than to fet the 
 value of them into circulation in the 
 metropolis, thank heaven I am not obliged 
 to do the fame ! and have no inclination 
 to do It. I jrcpeat it, therefore, that I 
 infift on having money by this means, if 
 you cannot invent any other, or I fhall 
 immediately difcharge you for an old fool* 
 and take fomebody in your place who 
 fhall not dare to difpute my orders. 
 
 HS 
 
1^8 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 %ttttt 24. 
 
 FROM SARAH ■ ■ TO HER FATHER: 
 AND MOTHER. 
 
 Honored Father and Mother^ 
 IT is a queftion as I do not no what to 
 .iay-to weether i have bettered myfeifor 
 no by earning to lundun. my matter have 
 a grat hous to be fure and it ttand in a 
 fine fquar and there is a fort of fine folks 
 as cams hakards and forards to fee my 
 matter and my miftrefs and we have grat 
 to doos at the hous and this bring a mort 
 of peeple to the farvents hall more than 
 to be fure i ever feed in my life but at fare 
 times, but with all this i cant tell how it 
 
 is 
 
^HE WESTERN MAIL. Ifg 
 
 is with me that i am quit malloncolly. to 
 be fure fumthing have happened to me as 
 i will endevor to tell you how it is. to be 
 fure i am often worked hard but i fhoud 
 think nothing of it if it was not for this 
 as i am going to tell you. we had a 
 gratto doo on night at the hous as took 
 up all the rums, brakfaft rum and all, fo' 
 what mufti do but be up to clen it, or 
 were coudthe famaly have had any brak- 
 faft. well as i was a clening this cums 
 horn my yong mailer from fom were as 
 he had ben with fum of the cumpany and 
 he fees me cuming down flars with the 
 mop and pale and to be fure he looks at 
 me as if he wood have looked me threw 
 and from this he was always on the watch 
 after me and at lafthe catched me on day 
 in the grat parlor alone and he throwed 
 h 6 his 
 
l8o THE WESTERN MAIL^ 
 
 his arms about my neck and killed ine 
 quit rudely and juft then cumsby my old 
 matter i call him my old matter becaufe 
 of his fon tho you no he is not fo old. 
 well then my old matter he reprobated his 
 fon and threatened to turn me out of the 
 hous if i let him do fuch things and he 
 gave fuch a ttare at me as to be fure it 
 made the color cum into my face and yet 
 it were not as if he was angry with me; 
 and now to be fure my old matter was 
 after me all as ever he coud be but then 
 it was more flily than my young matter 
 and now my old matter has got fuch a 
 way as i cant tell how it is but he wants 
 to perfuade me to leave my place and he 
 fay as he can provide better for me than to 
 be a farvent. and then again there cums 
 my young matter, and he has found out 
 
 as 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. l8r 
 
 as my old matter is after me, and he tell 
 me not to be mindful of my old matter, 
 and then he talk for his own part as he 
 can make a lady of me if he will, and fi> 
 to befure he can, which now my old 
 matter cant for certain becaufe of my 
 miftrefs being living, and it wood be a 
 very hard thing to wifh for the death of 
 any body, but then again my young 
 matter fay as he coud not make a lady 
 of me while my old matter is living and fo 
 there again it wood be to w r ifh for the 
 death of fambody. but then he fay in 
 the mean time as i fhoud want for nothing 
 and live all the fame as if i was a lady and 
 fo between on and the other i am hamper- 
 ed a both fides and am as i menfhuned in 
 the begining often very malloncolly. 
 and on day as thefe thoughts made me 
 
 cry 
 
J§2 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 cry for i often call to mind the advice of 
 my dear father and mother and then i think 
 as both my old mafter and my yong 
 mafier want to perfuade me to wrong 
 kiyfelf. and yet it is very hard as peeple 
 as no better fhoud endevor for to make a 
 poor girl who has nothing but her caratler 
 to depend on r to wrong herfelf.' and as 
 i was a going to tell you i was crying on- 
 day, and my old matter's man as they 
 call his vallct he feed me, and weether or 
 no my old mafter has telled him any thing 
 i cant pretend for to fay, but he laughed 
 and called me a fool, and faid as there was 
 nothing more common than for fuch 
 things to happen in famalys from high to 
 low. and full more he faid, but this' is 
 ib impudent as i am almofl afhamed to 
 write it, as there was houfes were the 
 
 miftrefs , 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. I S3? 
 
 miftrefs had her favrite among the men 
 farvents. 
 
 But with all this i am not at eafe in my 
 mind, and if i think on way on minute 
 as it wood be a fine -thins: not to be a 
 farvent any longer, then i think the next 
 minute as you always brot me up to value 
 myfelf as i ought, and as the laft words 
 you faid to me when i cumed away was 
 never to forget myfelf and then nobody 
 coud have the power to wrong me, and 
 then again i think to be fure if it is 
 nothing to grat peeple and rich peeple to 
 lofe there caraclers, it is every thing with 
 a poor girl, for if it is once gone with 
 her, all is gone, but the others they have, 
 there money, and they can go on all the 
 fame as if fuch things as my old mafters 
 vallct was talking about had never hap- 
 pened. 
 
I§4 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 pened. and fo i thought as i wood write 
 to my dear father and mother and no 
 what they fay to peeples perfuading on 
 as there is no harm in fuch things, for fo 
 my old matter and my young matter both 
 want to make me believe, and then i 
 think what a happy thing it is when a 
 poor girl has a little laming and can write 
 to her honored parents for fam advice, for 
 if i was to go only by my own head it is 
 fo fluttered fumtimes with all as they fay 
 as nobody can tell what wood cum of it, 
 
 i am, honored father and mother,, 
 your dutiful and loving child 
 
 SARAH ' * 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. id t 
 
 %CttCt 25. 
 
 FROM TO — . 
 
 YOUR labour is to no purpofe, my 
 dear friend. You cannot perfuade me 
 that you are a good hufband, though you 
 argue the fubje6t with fo much pains. 
 And as you challenge me to prove you 
 a bad one, you muft abide the confe- 
 quences of it, for I (hall fpeak my mind 
 to you very freely. 
 
 No one in their fcnfes will certainly 
 difpute that the qualities of fidelity, fo- 
 briety, and general regularity of condudfe, 
 to which you lay claim, are eflential to 
 the conftituting a good hufband. But it 
 
 is 
 
1.86 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 is not enough to conftitute a man a good 
 hulband, that he is not a habitual drunk- 
 ard, refrains from gambling, and is not 
 guilty of infidelities towards his wife. 
 For even with thefe prominent virtues, 
 and a general regularity of life, if he be 
 deftitute of the urbanity of difpofition 
 neccfiary to enfure domefiic happinefs, 
 he imvft make a very indifferent* not to 
 &y bad hulband* 
 
 My landlord may be in many eflcntial 
 points a very worthy man ; but if he were 
 always disturbing roe -by making a noife 
 over my head, I Cbould certainly think 
 him a very bad landlord. In the fame way, 
 I will readily allow that you are in many 
 effential points a very worthy man; but 
 from the way wardnefs of your behaviour, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 1 8 / 
 
 by no means, as I fliall prove it to you, 
 a good hufband. For, by not cxercifing- 
 any controul over your temper, at leaft 
 in your own family, it almoii feems as if it 
 were your ftudy to make it uneafy. By 
 what ftrange perverfion of mind can you 
 only turn from buflnefs to play the tyrant 
 in your family, inftead of being folaeed-to 
 a forgetfulnefs of all your cares by its 
 carefFei I 
 
 I have never feen without the rnoft 
 lively concern, the fweet countenance of 
 your wife aflume an ex predion nearly 
 bordering on terror, and your little chil- 
 dren flruck with the fame feeling in the 
 midft of their innocent fports, on hearings 
 the found of your flep or voice, as you 
 came towards the room where they were. 
 
 Good 
 
1 88 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Good God ! how can a man forego the 
 delight of exciting pleafurabie inftead of 
 painful emotions, in the bofoms of ftich 
 a wife, and fuch lovely children ? I 
 would almoft renounce the remainder of 
 my exijftence to enjoy for an hour the 
 bills that you might enjoy repeatedly, and 
 wantonly throw away. 
 
 Much as I efteem you for your good 
 qualities, and the friendship that you 
 have fhown me, how often have you put 
 myfelf-command to the fevereft trial not 
 to forget them all, and violate the laws 
 of hofpitality, by caning you in your own 
 houfe ! If your violation of them, indeed, 
 could have juftificd mine, I fhould have 
 \ been juftified ; for how many times have 
 you been guilty in this refpect towards 
 
 me 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 189 
 
 tne as your gueft, by venting your ill- 
 humour in unceafing, unprovoked, wran- 
 gling at your wife, in defiance of all pro- 
 priety/ to lay nothing of her, to every 
 one prefent befides ? But 1 am glad, 
 both on my own, on yours, and on her 
 account, that I never did forget rrnielf; 
 for I fhould then have put myfelf on a 
 level with you, and have forfeited that 
 right to reoionftrate with you as a friend, 
 on your condu-61, which I may now jufily 
 claim. 
 
 Confidcr over the matter as you do a 
 fubjedt of bufinefs, with calm attention, 
 and fay, as if it were the cafe of another 
 perfon, whether that man, who by his 
 perverfe temper deflroys the happinefsof 
 a woman, does not truly deferve the 
 
 char a etc 
 
I<p THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 character of a bad hufband, notwithftand- 
 ing his being in general a virtuous man? 
 
 When you have decided the queftion 
 thus at large, on which there can be no 
 doubt as to your decifion, confider over 
 your own cafe "in particular. Afkyourfelf 
 for what reafofi you are fo frequently 
 quarrelling with your vytfe. Whether it 
 be for any want of afrediion towards 
 you ; for neglecting the duties and de- 
 licate attentions of a wife, to indulge in 
 fafhionable diflipations ; for incivility to 
 the friends and general acquaintance 
 whom you like to receive at your houfe ; 
 or for any other caufe for which a huf- 
 band may reafonably complain of a wife? 
 When you have "anfwered thefo qu'ef- 
 tions, which you muft do, on thinking 
 
 them 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL* I9I 
 
 them over deliberately, in favour of your 
 wife, bow contemptible muft you ap- 
 pear in your own eyes for your condudl 
 towards her ! Unprovoked injury is al- 
 ways debating to the injurer; but if it be 
 more fo in one inflance than in another, 
 it furely is when the objed of it is an 
 amiable wife. 
 
 I know that if you were to anfwer mc 
 without reflection, you would plead, and 
 think yourfelf fufiiciently excufed by it, 
 the being fretted by bulinefs ; and infill 
 upon it that it would be very hard if a 
 man could not have his own way in his 
 own family, in his -hours of relaxation. 
 But as I know, ftrange as it is that it has 
 not a more conflant influence on you, 
 that you really have an affedlion and re- 
 
 fpe& 
 
Ip2 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 fpect for your wife, notwithftanding youf 
 rough treatment of her, 1 am furc, when 
 you confider over your conduct dif- 
 'paffionately, you will blame yourfelf, and 
 allow that, when you are hciraffed and put 
 out of humour by bufinefs, it would be 
 better to own it candidly. And though 
 it may be, as it will often be with men of 
 bufinefs, tJrat you muft not confide the 
 particulars of it to her, this general men- 
 tic n of it will relieve both your mind and 
 hers, by the freedom from all mifappre- 
 hennon that it will eflablifli between you. 
 I am confident that the furlinefs with 
 which you treat her, arifes principally 
 from the feeling of being ruffled in your 
 temper, and a fori of fhame and pride 
 again ft owning it, that rather lets it vent 
 itfelf on every thing which comes in your 
 
 way, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. igfj 
 
 way, than make an effort to conquer 
 your fpleen. And if you get the better 
 of yourfelf in this refpe6t 5 you will find 
 it fmooth the whole tenour of your life. 
 Without being thwarted in your own 
 way, your own way will ceafe to thwart 
 the happinefs of your wife and children. 
 Your happinefs will become blended in 
 theirs, and theirs in yours. On one ftep 
 will often depend the moft important 
 confequences. And none can be more 
 fo y than thofe that depend on ingenuous 
 conduit in the focial connections of 
 mankind. With this they become the 
 real connexions of the heart, and are of 
 ineftimable value. Without it they are 
 a cold infipid intercourfe not worth 
 maintaining. 
 
 I Take 
 
Ip4 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 Take this Hep that I recommend to 
 you, and it will open your heart to a new 
 exiftence, from the hateful fhackles that 
 referve has impofed upon it. And I fhall 
 fee you all as I wifh to fee you, an affec- 
 tionate and happy family in yourfelves, 
 and giving pleafure inftead of pain to 
 your acquaintance and friends. 
 
 I am yours, 
 
 With fincere regard, 
 
 H T — . 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, I95 
 
 JUtttt 26. 
 
 FROM MR. G« TO MR. K— — . 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 
 I HAVE read your poem with the 
 utmoft attention,, and, in compliance with 
 your requefl, return it with my remarks 
 in the margin. 
 
 Your general observations on poetry 
 that you propofe to give with your poem, 
 in the formof an introductory difcourfe, 
 are certainly ftriking ; and I am not 
 aware that any other anfwer can id 
 properly be made to your queiiion, "Why 
 the moft fimple occurrences of life fhould 
 1 2, not 
 
ig6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 not be ehofen as poetical fubje&s at the 
 option of one man, as well as the more 
 k ufual kind of fubjedts at the option of 
 another ?" than that, in a country where 
 a man enjoys a general unreftrained 
 freedom of action, there can be no ad- 
 equate reafon why he fhouJd not write a 
 poem on any, or every fubject that it is 
 his fovereign will to write upon ; provided 
 he does not obtain an a 61 of parliament 
 to compel people to read what he has 
 written. Do not hefitate then, my dear 
 fir, to give the latitude that it requires to 
 the fermentation of your imagination,. 
 Are we not always acting in a fimilar 
 way in common life with our cafes of 
 beer ? and why fhould not the rules of 
 common life be. applied to uncommon 
 cafes, if they happen to be a-propos ? 
 
 Believe 
 
 i 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 1 9 7 
 
 Believe me, I honour your poem . as 
 afierting the birthright of a free-born 
 Briton ; and, in your place, fo far from 
 relinquifhing my birthright I would wield 
 my pen a thoufand times to aflert it in the 
 face of the whole world, in defiance of 
 all the fmiles, frowns,, or farcafms of 
 criticifm— always excepting, with the 
 veneration due to the folemnity -of their 
 ehara&ers, the awful fiat of our reviewers, 
 I bow before their judgment with l he- 
 reverence due to the myfterious referve 
 of the facred veil which fcrcens them 
 from the public gaze. 
 
 Methinks I fee them now in the black 
 
 domino of mafquerade, each with his 
 
 review in his hand, held up like a lantern 
 
 in a dark night, as the polar fiar to a 
 
 x 3 be- 
 
I98 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 benighted world, to guide its unwary fteps 
 from the fteel-traps, fpring-guns, and 
 pitfalls of literature. 
 
 " Where, where ?" I hear yo ucxclaim, 
 with all the fervour of newly-awakened 
 devotion to the tutelar genii of the flowery 
 paths on which you are entering— 
 
 ei In my mind's eye, Horatio." 
 
 You cannot be a ftranger to this kind 
 
 of vifion. Oh no, impoffible ! 
 
 i 
 
 4t The poet's eye, in a fine phrenfy rolling, 
 Doth glance from heav'n to earth, from earth to 
 heav'n $ 
 
 And, as imagination bodies forth 
 The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen 
 Turns them to fhape, and gives to airy nothing 
 A local habitation and a name, 3 ' 
 
 If you have ever happened to go to 
 
 dine 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 1 99 
 
 dine at a tavern, you have no doubt feerx 
 as a vifion as you walked thither, and 
 given it "a local habitation and a name/* 
 the waiter corning with a bill of fare, 
 from which to choofe your repaft. And 
 in the like manner you will now give a 
 local habitation and a name to the vifion 
 that I have placed before your view, 
 where there is not only the waiter with 
 his bill of fare for the imagination ta 
 u body forth," but a comment with it up- 
 on every difh, to the great advantage of 
 thofe gentle minds who never have an 
 opinion of their own. 
 
 Enthroned in the bulwark which ther 
 laws of our country raife in defence of 
 the liberty of its citizens, from the higheft 
 iatlxe loweft, into all its minuted ramifi- 
 1 4 cations - r 
 
2CO THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 cations ; why fhould any man refign it in 
 
 the inftance of writing poetry, excepting 
 
 at the command of a reviewer, to the 
 
 tyranny of individuals ? You would un- 
 
 queflionably have been right therefore, in 
 
 my opinion, if inftead of a domeftic meal 
 
 you had chofen only an apple dumpling 
 
 for the fubjecl of your poem. And on 
 
 the fame principle I think that you are 
 
 acting a patriotic part in the court of 
 
 Parnaffus, in refitting the trammels in 
 
 which poets have been (hackled. Why 
 
 fhould not you or I, if we like it, divide 
 
 profe into blank verfe of unequal meafure ? 
 
 and why not alfo write fonnets in any 
 
 mode of rhyming them that accords with 
 
 our pleafure, and of fix teen/ eighteen, 
 
 or more lines, if we do not find it agreeable 
 
 or convenient to comprefs our fubjeft into 
 
 fourteen ? 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL.- 201 
 
 fourteen ? In the fame way likewife I 
 would break the chains of ode, elegy, 
 ballad, drama, and what not. Ariftotle 
 with his unities was but an old woman, as 
 may be immediately perceived by every 
 body with the leaft underftanding, who 
 gives the cafe a moment's confideration. 
 I will, appeal to the decision of any one of 
 thefe, to fay whether it is not joft as eafy, 
 while I am fitting crowded upon a bench^ 
 with my neighbour's elbows running into 
 my fides, to fancy myfelf in ten different 
 places in the courfe of two or three hours, 
 as in the hall of Cato, for infiance, 
 
 fuppofing Mr. , mouthing out, " It 
 
 mufi: be fo," the Roman fioic. If the 
 unities are to be preferved, the .fcene of 
 the farce ought to lie in the fame place as 
 the fcene of the play \ othcrwife, land 
 
202 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 my bench endure full as great violence hi 
 being tranfported, from England into Italy 
 we will fay, as I could do by fuch a 
 tranfition in the play. Or, in ftridlnefs, 
 there ought not to be any farce at all,, 
 nnlefs it be a continuation of the fubjedt 
 of the play; for a variation of flory violates 
 the unities, even if the place were to 
 remain the fame. 
 
 Your efforts towards the emancipation 
 of poets will certainly form an era in the 
 hiftory of poetry, as memorable as that ' 
 of the revolution in the hiftory of political 
 and religious liberty. Poets yet unborn 
 will lifp your name, and imitate your 
 numbers, as we venerate the great names 
 
 of R » , C , B- , and many 
 
 more, and imitate their example in the 
 
 jealoufy 
 
TITE WESTERN MAIL, 2CJ 
 
 Jealouiy with which we have guarded 
 and preferred the privileges of our civil 
 and religious liberties, for which they fo 
 nobly afferted themfelves; and which they 
 eftablifhed by a conftitution that will re- 
 main unfhaken "amidft the war of ele- 
 ments, the wreck of matter, and thecrufb 
 of worlds." 
 
 Your Breakfaft will be upheld here- 
 after as the fignal of the triumph of poeti- 
 eal freedom over the tyrannical reftraints- 
 in which it had been confined ; as we 
 uphold the Habeas Corpus A£t and the. 
 Bill of Rights, as the pledges of our coa~ 
 fiitutional freedom,. 
 
 You do me honour by your inten- 
 tion of fending me a copy of your works,, 
 i 6 when 
 
204 THE WESTERN MAIL." 
 
 when your collection of poems is large 
 enough to make a volume. I flatter 
 myfelfthat I (hall not be long without 
 them. The facility that you poflefs in 
 felefting fubje6ts of the moll interefting 
 iimplicity, and of doing them juftice by 
 your ftyle of execution, will I hope enable 
 you very foon to appear before the pub- 
 lic ; and I ardently wifh, and think it 
 impoffible it fhould be othervvife with 
 fuch a ftandard, that you may fucceed 
 in eftablifhing an unadulterated purity of 
 national tafte. 
 
 J am, dear Sir, 
 
 With the molt profound refpeft, 
 Your obedient humble fervant, 
 r G- . 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. " 20^ 
 
 (In order to prevent, as far as lies in 
 his power, any difputes that might arife 
 amongft our modern critics, fimilar to 
 thofe concerning Rowley and the un- 
 fortunate Chatterton, refpedtingthe pro- 
 bability of fome poets of the prefent day 
 having feen this poem, the editor is au- 
 tho.iied by the family of George ■ 
 to fay, that no one ever faw any of thefe, 
 letters, excepting the family, till th£y were 
 brought to him. Whether the perfons 
 alluded to may have had any intercourfe 
 with the author, the editor will not take 
 upon him to fay.) 
 
 BREAK- 
 
2o6.~ THE WESTERN MAI£. 
 
 BREAKFAST,, 
 
 A DOMESTIC MEAL. 
 
 This is a loaf of bread,. brown, fweet and moiuy 
 Well kneaded firft, then well baked by- careful Kate*£ 
 And this the lufcious- produce of the fweet dairy,. 
 Butter yclept, preffed by the blooming Sally 
 Into this pretty form of nice round pats. 
 And yet without remorfe we cut them up 
 And fpread them on large ilices of the bread fy 
 Oh, how fweet it is when I am hungry 
 To devour fuch dainty bread and butter}:! 
 
 * Incidents fo uncommon,. that they certainly de*- 
 ferve to be rendered immortal by the pen of a fub- 
 lime poet.. 
 
 •j- This pafiage indicates a mind of uncommon* 
 fenfibility, as it is perhaps a fingle inftanee of any 
 idea of remorfe having ever occurred upon fuch an 
 ©ccafion. 
 
 J How far is it confident with the aerial nature of 
 a poet to acknowledge the fen fat ion of hunger,, 
 and to think of devouring any thing but the divine 
 iafpirations of the mufc? 
 
 And; 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 20/ 
 
 And this is a clean knife * r how bright ! how bright!! 
 And its rough crooked handle made of horn ; 
 Beloved fimplicity ! Oh, I love to cut 
 Such bread and butter ! and with fuch a knife* 
 Emblem of innocence ! Yet the time was once, 
 When innocence was (till more perfect, 
 Andman fp read his bread and butterwith his fingers*. 
 
 And this is a radifh ; kind Nature's giftf. 
 Net fweeter is the biufhing cheek of my young boy^ 
 Than is the ruddy blufh repofmg on this pure white y 
 A white as pure as Sufan's fnowy neck. 
 It looks like my boy's headlying on Sufan's breafl J,^ 
 
 And this is fait here in this muffineer § ; 
 Pretty invention ! from which I (hake fome out upon 
 the table ;, For 
 
 * A irate of innocence the lofs of which is for 
 ever to be regretted, if there were but fome means 
 devifable for cutting the bread and butter with our 
 fingers after it is fpread^ 
 
 ■j- Quite a new fuggeftion*. 
 
 J A happy achievement of Cm He that never can 
 be excelled.. 
 
 § Some little inconfiftericies in the circumftances 
 •f the brecikfaft would not be worthy of remark, if 
 
 it 
 
aoS THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 For no falfe refinement here ufes a plate, 
 
 Nor table-cloth. We are Nature's children all*'* 
 
 And thefe are cups and faucers — that a tea-pot- 
 Nay ftart not, reader, at our drinking tea, 
 For it is as Nature's children -f well may drink it* 
 Here are no china cups, no tea-fpoons here ; 
 No coftly tea, nor fugar double refined. 
 The cups are yellow, of the king-cup's hue, 
 The tea-pot dirty white, marked with a thoufand 
 flaws, 
 
 it were not for the fake of obferying that fuch trivial 
 confiderations are beneath the attention of true 
 genius. The introduction of the muffineer, and any 
 other little flrokes of the fame kind, are thereforeto 
 be efieemed as the indubitable teilimonies of the 
 genuine infpirations of the mufe. 
 
 * Kind mother ! happy children! Whenever I 
 hear a child cry at having its mouth and fingers 
 wiped, or chidden for licking up any thing oft the 
 table, -I ftiall wifh for its fake that it was one of 
 "Nature's children." 
 
 f. This repeated mention of the defcent of the 
 family is very judicious, as without it the reade r 
 might have been led into the belief that it. was one 
 fui generis, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 20^ 
 
 The tea three half-pence by the ounce, 
 
 And fugar, like the table, dufky brown. 
 
 And when tea, fugar, cream, are put together f 
 
 Then I fhake my cup, and fmile at the conceit 
 
 That ever thought of tea-fpoons, ufelefs things * ! 
 
 And then I read to S'ufan my laft written poem,, 
 Which tells with rapture how I hung over the fpout 
 Of yonder water tub, and heard it drip, drip, drip ; 
 And fondly dreamt how Sufan from that tub 
 Would have water drawn to wafh my fhirts and my 
 
 boy's, 
 And the happy kerchief, which, nicely ironed,, will 
 
 veil her fwelling bofom . 
 Such are heaven-borrowed fhapings of my muftf ! 
 Sufan hears me with innocent aftonifhment:, 
 
 * The fmile at the vanity of tea-fpoons exhibits 
 one of the fin eft portraits to the imagination that 
 it is pofiible to conceive. 
 
 •j- A mafteily feries of imagery. The attitude of 
 hanging over the fpout of the water-tub; the lul- 
 laby of the water dripping into the tub producing a 
 
 dreamy 
 
£IO THE WESTERN MAIL- 
 
 And my young boy wonders what I mean. 
 I prefs my young boy in my arms, 
 I kifs mj Sufan's lips with virtuous fervour, 
 And thus, delicious meal, our breakfaft ends** 
 
 dreamy flate, the dream turning on Sufan having 
 the water drawn for her wafh, and going on con- 
 nectedly to the ironing, and putting on her clean 
 handkerchief* are indeed, as they are called, '*$neateifc» 
 borrowed fbapings of the mu£@* H 
 
 f A family fcene that would dignify the firft hif~, 
 torical pencil in the country, if it be parable to ex* 
 prefs the virtue that prompts the kifs* 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 211 
 
 letter 27. 
 
 FROM — TO 
 
 WHAT arc all our fchemes of pro* 
 mifed blifs, rny deareft Sarah Spphia Su- 
 fanna, but, alas! meteors, fleeting iha- 
 dows, aerial deceptions, that vanifh even 
 in the moment when they feem to b& 
 grafped ? Such has turned out all my 
 fchemeof promifed pleafure in this even- 
 ing's mafquerade. I little thought yefter- 
 day at this time, that inftead of being now 
 in high preparation for it, I fhould be 
 feeking the confolations of friendfhip by 
 writing to. you, my dear Sarah Sophia Six- 
 fanna, and unburthening my forrows into 
 your iympathetic boforru 
 
 It 
 
212 THE WESTERN MAIX. 
 
 It is to be the rnoft fplendid mafque- 
 rade of the feafon ; and there lies my 
 drefs upon the fofa, one of the moli 
 beautiful you ever law, its beauty now 
 only infulting my diftrefs. I was to go in 
 the character of an Arcadian fhepherdefs, 
 and to have had fuch a fhepherd to attend 
 me as might have tempted Venus to for- 
 get her Adonis, and become my rival. 
 
 I have been obliged to paufe, my fweet 
 Sarah Sophia Sufanna— a violent flood of 
 tears came to my relief, at the moment 
 that I was alrnofl: overpowered, and has 
 a little afluaged the fwelling. of my heart. 
 You never faw any thing fo light and 
 graceful as the wavy foldings of my drefs. 
 It is made of the moft elegant Souffle 
 gauze that ever was feen. I could almoU: 
 
 believe 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 2IJ 
 
 believe that this gauze was invented in 
 Arcadia, it feems fo peculiarly adapted to 
 the enchanting airinefs of an Arcadian 
 fhepherdefs's drefs. And the tafte of 
 the ornaments is fo uncommon, they 
 are fo diitinguithed from every thing that 
 has yet been feen, by their extreme vola- 
 tility, that you would fuppofe every breath 
 of air, every motion of my frame, muft 
 fcatter them to the winds of heaven. 
 And all this elegance now to be of no ufe ! 
 — Oh no ! it fhall not be quite loft. I am 
 determined, if I cannot befeen in it myielf, 
 that it fhall be feen by feme other means. 
 I intend to have a full-length portrait of 
 
 myfelf taken in it by — ,refting upon 
 
 my crook, with a lamb ftanding by me 
 
 adorned with flowers, and held by a pink 
 
 latin ribbon hanging upon my arm. I fhall 
 
 9 be 
 
£14 THE WESTERN MAIL, % 
 
 be looking towards a romantic hill, where 
 I fee my fhepherd battening down a Ter- 
 pentine path, as if impatient at its mazy 
 windings to meet me on the velvet 
 lawn of the fhady valley, 
 
 Oh ] my dear creature, I have almoft 
 charmed myfelf for a moment, by this 
 ecftatic reverie, to a forgetfulnefs of my 
 diftreffing fituation* What do you think 
 has plunged me into it ? — Why, my per- 
 verfe old aunt, who has been dying thefe 
 three months, on whofe account I have 
 been almolt afraid to make up any new 
 clothes all the winter, beeaufe I expe6led 
 every day the next thing would be to get 
 mourning for her, took it into her head 
 to die laft night ju& at the moft incon- 
 venient moment that fhe could have 
 
 chofen I 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. Zl$ 
 
 chofen ! Had it been to-night at the fame 
 hour, it would not have fignifiect; for then 
 I fhould have been at the mafquerade, 
 and it would have made no difference 
 to me; but as it is, nothing can have been 
 worfe managed. Had (he only lived a 
 few hours longer, her dying juft at this 
 time would have been of little or no con- 
 fequence: but now it muft be known; for 
 there will be time for it to get into all the 
 evening papers. It feems as if (he had 
 done it on purpofe to torment me ; for 
 there never was any thing fo ill contrived. 
 If fhe have not left me a good legacy, I 
 never will forgive her. Even that will 
 hardly make me amends for this piece of 
 ill-nature. Her will was to be opened 
 this morning ; fo I fuppofe I fhall hear 
 all about it prefently. If I have no le- 
 
 3 g* c y> 
 
&r6 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 gacy, I have a great mind not to go into 
 mourning for her. Yet mourning is very 
 genteel, and very becoming ; and as I 
 have not made up many clothes this 
 winter, it will come in very well now, and 
 juft lafttill it is time to put on demi-fai 
 fons, or fummer dreffes, according as 
 I thefamily takeit into their heads to mourn 
 the fhort mourning, which is now fo much 
 coming into fafhion, or the long old- fa- 
 fhioned mourning. lam pretty indifferent 
 which they do when I am once in mourn- 
 ing; for, though I adore new fafhions, the 
 other is not yet reckoned very ungenteel. 
 
 I was called away from my letter, and 
 I am come back to it in ecftafies. Oh, 
 my dear Sarah Sophia Sufanna, I fhall 
 go to the mafquerade at lafl. The Ar- 
 cadian 
 
THE WESTERN, MAIL. %\*J 
 
 cadian fhepherdefs, in all her elegance, 
 will fly to meet her fhepherd, inftead 
 of fighing forlorn at home, and weeping 
 over her aggravating difappointment. I 
 
 fliall love* as IongasI live. Dear 
 
 angel of a woman, it is entirely owing to 
 her inexprefliblekindnefsthat I amreftor- 
 ed to happi-nefs. She undertook to be my 
 cbaperone, becaufe mamma does not like 
 mafquerades fo well as routs ; and as the 
 had four routs for this evening, ilie did 
 not choofe to give up any of them to go 
 
 with me. This charming — , on 
 
 •receiving my note with an account of my 
 misfortune, flew hither, and laughed at 
 us for our folly. If it had been a rout, 
 or any other place where I was to be feen* 
 Ihe faid there would have been a reafbix 
 for flaying at home; but in the cale of a 
 
SlS. THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 mafquerade, where nobody bad any bufi- 
 ncfs to know that I w T as there, but juft a 
 few friends who might be trufted with the 
 fecret, it would be the moft abfurd thing 
 in the w T orld not to go. At firft mamma 
 objected to it, becaufe, fhe faid, if we had 
 confiderable legacies, and it was ever 
 known that I had gone to this mafque- 
 rade,. it would be thought fo monltrous. 
 
 Eat my adorable — — faid, in her 
 
 delightful way, "Oh, never mind that: the 
 old lady cannot alter her will now, and 
 you have no oc^aiion to concern yourfelf 
 about any thing elfe, if you have legacies." 
 So this fettled the matter, and I am now-in 
 as high raptures as I was before in de- 
 fpoxiclency, and am thus rewarded for re* 
 figning myfelf with fo much patience to 
 
 my misfortune. 
 
 White 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 2If 
 
 While I was in low fpirits, I thought of 
 a: great many charming books to recom- 
 mend to you that I have been reading, 
 and now they are all gone out of my head 
 again. But I know fome of them almoft 
 made me cry my eyes out, and were quite 
 enchanting. I will think of them againft 
 the next time 1 write. 
 
 I am my invaluable 
 
 Sarah Sophia Sufanna's 
 
 \ Adoring and eternal friend, 
 
 &z 
 
£aO THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 %ttm 28. 
 
 IPROM F L , ESa. TO J ■ ■ "■ 
 
 B— — j ESQ. HIGH SHERIFF OF THE 
 
 COUNTY OF -——SHIRE. 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 IT is impoffible not to be flattered in 
 a very high degree by the teftimony of 
 efteem with which 1 have juft been 
 honoured by youifelf and the gentlemen 
 affembled at your houfe, in your invita- 
 tion to me to come forward as a eandidate > 
 at the next general election, to reprefent 
 your county in parliament. But deeply 
 as I am imprefled with a lively ferife of 
 gratitude at this mark of diftin&ion in 
 3 ™y 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 22 X 
 
 my favour, Irnuft en treat yourindulgence, 
 for requefting you to accept of ray fmcere 
 acknowledgments for this honour fhown 
 to me, inftead of the fervices which it 
 would demand of me, and to permit my 
 declining it in the r^pft unequivocal 
 manner. 
 
 I am growing too old, and have been 
 too long a reclufe to encounter the 
 contentions of party, while they continue 
 the mere play of gladiators without an- 
 fwering any efficient purpofe. 
 
 Reproach, I know, has followed me 
 into my retreat, for renouncing the con- 
 cerns of public life, Yet, unlefs fome 
 occafion like the prefent had led me to 
 it ; I fhould probably never have made 
 k 3 any 
 
2.22 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 any appeal againft it. Bat I willnowtrouble 
 you with a fhort retrofpedi of my in duce- 
 ments to with draw into retirement, that 
 I may leave you in a capacity to judge 
 how far I am juftifiable on this ground, 
 or deferring of 'th e afperfions call upon 
 me. 
 
 Being horn to an inheritance that 
 precluded all neceffity for confining the 
 choice of my purfuits to any pecuniary 
 obje&Sj my mind was left to take its bias 
 from the chance of circumflances. Thefe 
 infenfi-bly led me to a decided tafie for 
 political ftudies, and I became abforbed 
 in them, and; in the hiftories of the? 
 moft eminent characters connected with 
 them, tilLI had imbibed an enthufiaftic 
 love of my country, not inferior to that 
 
 of 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 5.2% 
 
 of the mod diflinguiihed patriots either 
 in antient or modern hifiory, and had 
 no wifh but to devote my life tp it's 
 fcrvicc. 
 
 The ftudies of the youth were fuc? 
 ceeded, as I mixed in the world, by the 
 observations of the man. But theft were 
 not quite fo favourable to the enthufiafm 
 of elevated virtue as the former. Inftead 
 of real diiinterefted patriots, whieh I 
 had expelled to find in the leading men 
 of the time (if I may be allowed to 
 make ufe of a fimile, too ludicrous, 
 perhaps, when we confider the ferious 
 iriterefte involved in the fcenes which I 
 contemplated, but yet too applicable to 
 what they really exhibited), they appeared 
 to me like the actors in a puppet-fhow, 
 K 4 fuftaining. 
 
224 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 fuftaining characters devoid of dignity* 
 dreffed in colours not their own. . They 
 were divided into two parties, one of 
 which bore all the infignia of office, and 
 were weighed down in outward femblance 
 by the cares of public bufinefs. But a 
 little cIoferinfpecHon difcovered,that the 
 weighty concerns which engroffed their 
 whole attention were all contained in 
 their pockets. The other party talked 
 loudly of the good ef their country, 
 and declaimed with animated gefiicula- 
 irons, and all the powers of oratory, 
 againft the peculation and general ill 
 condudt of the former. But this fecond 
 fet of men, any more than the firft, did 
 not ftand the teft of fcrutinyj for, upon 
 in vefrigation, their florid eloquenceproved 
 to be aimed only, like the force of a 
 
 lever, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 2,2$ 
 
 lever, to remove the men from their 
 places, not to correct their rneafures. 
 And had it ever kindled a fpark of virtu- 
 ous honefty in their adverfaries, that had 
 induced them to reform from their ini- 
 quitous practices, nothing could have 
 difappointed them more feverely* 
 
 When the fountain is poifoned, all the 
 itreams which iflue from it neceffarily 
 become corrupt. It was not extraordinary,, 
 therefore, that felfifhnefs and party fpirit 
 predominated in all the inferior depart- 
 ments of public concerns. No poll could 
 be filled: up, not even in the annual: 
 routine of parifh offices, nor corpora*- 
 lions, where thefe were not the pre- 
 vailing principles, though; called,, in the 
 cant or bombaft phrafeology of the dif- 
 K5 ferent 
 
2l6 THE WESTERN MAIL? 
 
 ferent fides, "the fupport of government," 
 and " patriotifm," and lb on. It wa& 
 difficult not to fpfiile, even in the midfl 
 of unfeigned regret at this fituation of 
 affairs,' to fee that " the fupport of 
 government" meant the obtaining of a 
 contract or fome other douceur, and 
 iC patriotilhi'' caballing to be elected a 
 con ft able or a fherifF — for the fake of a 
 paltry triumph over the other party, 
 which could render no fervice to the 
 country. And. in much the fame fpirit, 
 each fide threw down a gauntlet of toafis 
 at the other from their public feafts, with 
 all the valour infpired by the occafion — 
 thus converting even their dinners into 
 a61s of mutual aggreflion. Nor did the 
 evils of party fpirit flop here. It ex- 
 Jed its influence into the moft inti- 
 mate 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 227 
 
 mate connexions of private life, and 
 from thence readied with increafed vio- 
 lence in public. For it fpread into the 
 reforts of amufement. where it miebt be 
 fuppofed that all ill humour w T as laid aiide, 
 and every description of perfons met 
 only to be foot lied into complacency by 
 partaking of one general diverfion. If 
 fuch be not the effect of public amufe- 
 ments, I confefs I do not perceive that 
 they are productive of any advantage, 
 
 Dilcouraged by theie appearances, I 
 began to fear that in feeking for public 
 virtue I fought only a chimaera, like a 
 phoenix or a griffin, and that the hiftrories 
 I had read were but a more elevated 
 kind of fable ; or that 5 if public virtue 
 had ever exifted,, it had been ovei borne 
 k6 and 
 
228 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 and annihilated in the convuliions of 
 party. But when I penetrated beyond 
 the impofing huftle, always kept up by 
 thofe who have no other aim than to 
 make themfelves important, and which 
 had fo grievoufly difappointed my ex- 
 pectations, I found individual instances 
 of thisfublime quality, that I had looked 
 for in vain as the general fentiment of 
 any combination of men. 
 
 Thcfe individuals, with no other ob- 
 ject in view than the real welfare of 
 their country, and fome of them emi- 
 nently calculated to take the lead in its 
 mod important concerns, to the at- 
 tainment of this end, Jong made exer- 
 tions in its caufe, which were the united 
 didlate „of wifdom and integrity. But as 
 
 the 
 
THE WESTERN MATL. 22^ 
 
 the principle of public virtue is too higta 
 to compromife itfelf with the intrigue' 
 and indifcriminating conduit of party* 
 even under its leaft objectionable form* 
 they never obtained that popularity and 
 confidence, which the fuperiority of their 
 characters deferred, and the iaterefts of 
 their country demanded; and which alone 
 can give effect to any meafures, however 
 honeftly intended or wifely planned^ . 
 
 To control*] the paffions of the multi- 
 tude, and win it over to the dictates of 
 reafon, is the unceafing wiffi and con- 
 ftant endeavour of enlightened integrity. 
 But it unhappily ads to a difadvantage 
 againft the arts of party violence, which 
 is always Simulating the paffions of man- 
 kind for the temporary purpofes of its 
 
 own 
 
%$0 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 own felfifh or fhort-fighted views. And' 
 the effect of all ftimulants is the fame. 
 They operate on the moment by an in- 
 toxicating influence, which forms the 
 paradife of fools, and few minds have the 
 refolution to refill them.. 
 
 It is in vain that the molt ftilful pfiy- 
 fician prefcribes, if the patient will not 
 pay attention to his prefcription. He is 
 then oniy a retainer in a mock combat, 
 from which, if his interefl have not ab- 
 forbed his feelings, he will make his bow 
 and retire. 
 
 Contending in the like manner, in a 
 lofing caufe, for a country which would 
 do nothing for itfelf, it ought not to ex- 
 cite either furprife or reproach, that many 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. CL$t 
 
 of thofe who had once zealoufly em- 
 barked iri it, ihould become weary and 
 difgufted, and withdraw entirely from 
 a contention in which they were left 
 without fupport. 
 
 With all the talents that I poflefled^ 
 
 and with a zeal in the fervice not inferior 
 to that of any one engaged in it, I fpervt 
 the vigour of my life in this fi uhlefs con- 
 teft. But I have now, for the general 
 reafons already mentioned, that in- 
 fluenced many others as. well as myfelf 
 to take the fame resolution, for fome 
 years retired from public life, and endea- 
 voured in retirement to cultivate amongd 
 my tenantry the principles of which I 
 had experienced fo general and fatal a 
 deficiency. And to extend the fphere 
 of utility at which 1 had long aimed, I 
 
 added 
 
&3£ THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 added to this the ftudy and pradlice of 
 agricultural purfuits* 
 
 More fortunate here than in my former 
 attempts at utility, I fee both man and 
 husbandry improved throughout my whole 
 eftate. My cottagers, with each one a 
 little field and garden, live comfortably. 
 From thence they learn to feel" that they 
 are men, and, by this elevation of fentr*- 
 ment, are humanized ta all the proper 
 feelings of virtuous citizens. My farmers 
 have an allotment of land, large enough 
 to do juftice both to them and the 
 property, but not large enough to 
 overbalance the fcale of order, and de- 
 ftroy the genuine character of the true 
 refpe&able farmer, who is one of the 
 mod ufeful members cf the commu- 
 nity, by giving him tlie means to grow 
 
 too 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. £.3 J 
 
 too wealthy to attend to the minuter 
 parts of his occupation. A ijftem of 
 harmony thus prevails around me, at 
 which my heart fvvells with affectionate 
 tranfport, and of which I am proud to 
 feel myfelf the founder. 
 
 Cair'you then wonder at me, or blame 
 me, for declining to abandon my prefent 
 fituation, to encounter ftruggles which 
 the afpediof our political horizon forbids 
 me to think can be of anv avail ? If 1 law 
 a reafonable hope of its being otherwife^ 
 neither the plea of age nor any other ex- 
 cufe (hould withhold me from fpending 
 my laft breath in the fervice of the public* 
 
 There is nothing to be hoped for fron\ 
 men emulous only to rival each other in 
 
 extr^ 
 
^34 T HE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 extravagance, and facrificing to this 
 vanity the noble independence of living 
 within the limits of their fortune. For, 
 when they have once undermined this 
 fupport of virtue, they commonly fall 
 an eafy prey to the purchafe of cor- 
 ruption. Nor is any thing better to be 
 expe£ted of men who advertife them- 
 felves as it may be called to the belt bid- 
 der, by a declamatory rant about their prin- 
 ciples, which have no exigence but upon 
 their tongue ; nor of thofe erafty men, 
 who worm themfelves by their plaufibility 
 into the confidence of the unfufpecSling, 
 and live upon the wages of credulity 
 acquired by duplicity. 
 
 I am, dear fir, 
 
 Your fincere friend 
 and humble fervant, 
 F— L— * 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 235 
 
 fetter 29. 
 
 FROM MISS C — TO MISS E — — 1 
 
 My dear Friend, 
 
 SINCE I wrote to you laft lam become 
 acquainted with one of the mod: amiable 
 and pleating women that I have ever 
 feen. She lives a little way out of town, 
 and is called, with a certain air of con- 
 tempt, the reclufe of * Some 
 people even go fo far as to fay that fhe 
 is mad. How ready we are to fay this 
 of each other, and how often on no better 
 grounds, than, as in the prefect inftance, 
 from a diverfity of tafte having led 
 another to adopt a different mode of 
 
 life 
 
236 THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 life from our own, though unmarked by 
 any trait of irrrationalit y ! If fhe be mad, 
 I wifh fuch madnefs were common. I 
 will defcribe her, and then you can judge 
 for yourielf on this queftion, 
 
 The expreffion of her eye is mildnefs* 
 dignity, and penetration; her voice is 
 mufically fivect ; her manner of fpeaking: 
 impreffive; the general air of her charac- 
 ter interefting, fomevvhat approaching to 
 melancholy. I have always thought that 
 the beauty of an autumnal profpecfl re* 
 fembled the features and expreffion of a 
 flne face, when the bloom of colour and 
 complexion were fled;, and her face 
 exa&ly reminds me of fuch a profpe6L 
 I could almoft addrefs her in Milton's, 
 words, " Hail, divineft Melancholy !" 
 
 But 
 
'ME WESTFRN MAIL. 2£J 
 
 But not withfl anding this general call 
 of character, her countenance and' man- 
 ner fometimes kindle into vivacity, and 
 even into playfulnefs. With children, 
 when they are what they ought to be, 
 quite unartificial, Hie is as playful as a 
 child, and their innocent fimpHcity feems 
 to attrad all the intereft of her foul. 
 
 Thofe who love the marvellous ima- 
 gine that there muft have been fome- 
 thing very unufual in the events of her 
 life. It is more likely, perhaps, that the 
 events have been common, only occur- 
 ring to a mind of uncommon fenfibility. 
 Or, poffibly, what is afcribed in her to the 
 effe6i of the fuppofed events of her life, 
 is nothing more than the effect of ftudy 
 and reflection upon a mind naturally con- 
 templative. 
 
23$ THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 templative. However this may be, and 
 that I have not been able to learn, what- 
 ever may have affedied her feelings has 
 had no pernicious effedl upon her 
 temper ; for that is not only fweet, but 
 magnanimous. In her manners fhe 
 unites the moft ingenuous fimplicity and 
 the moll unaffected elegance. They 
 never fail to pleafe, even at the firff fight 
 of her ; and, on a more intimate ac- 
 quaintance with her, they become really 
 captivating. 
 
 Her talents and information are not 
 inferior to the other charms of her cha- 
 radler ; and fhe poflefTes the rare quality 
 of underftanding herfelf. I never faw her 
 either affedt to difclaim being what fhe is* 
 or pretending to be what fhe is not, nor 
 
 obtruding 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 239 
 
 obtruding her fuperiority in any way im- 
 pertinently in company. She evidently 
 converfes for the pleafure and inftrudlion 
 of converfation, not to fhow herfelf off* 
 She talks with people, not to them. 
 
 Her habits of life are ftudious and 
 retired. She engages very little in fociety 
 excepting in a feledt circle, in which fhe 
 enjoys it highly. Her heart is warm in 
 the general caufe of benevolence ; and, 
 as far as it lies in her power, which, by 
 the good management of a tolerable 
 fortune, fhe contrives that it fhould do 
 pretty confiderably, fhe is adlive in the 
 fervice of it. In her friendfhips fhe is 
 ardent and fincere. Without ever being 
 javifh in the profeflions of it, when any 
 *eccafion calls upon her to give words to 
 
 her 
 
r S4G THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 her feelings, fhe does it in the fimplc 
 energetic language of truth. There is 
 nothing within thecompafs of poffibilily 
 that (he will not undertake in the fervice 
 of friendfhip, either on its demands of 
 the more palpable exertions, or in its 
 -claims on the tender officer of confolation-* 
 The foothing gentlenefs of her attentions 
 on the latter occafions extends to every 
 minute circumftance, as if ftie had an 
 intuitive knowledge of all the feelings 
 •and wifhes of her friend, that anticipated 
 whatever fervice could be dcfired of her* 
 This is indeed littlemorethantheconflant 
 character of herfriendfhips in t'hecommoa 
 intercourfe of thefe connexions. She 
 feems to penetrate into^all thefentiments 
 of her friends, and to live only to love 
 and ferve them. 
 
 I think 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. $41 
 
 I think I need fay no more on this 
 fubjedt, to enable you to enter fully into 
 the character of this pleafing and truly 
 valuable woman, and to rejoice for me 
 in the acquilition of fuch an acquaintance, 
 I wifh I may hereafter fay friend. Were 
 I to write a volume, it would be at prefent 
 all on the fame iheme, and therefore I 
 will bid you adieu. 
 
 I am, my dear friend, 
 
 Yours, with fincere affediion, 
 H C . 
 
342 '- H & WESTERN MAI&* 
 
 Hotter so. 
 
 FROM £ ■ J G ESa, TO MR. p , 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 I AM extremely plea fed with your 
 fly catchers, and (hall be very happy to 
 be instrumental in procuring you a patent 
 for them. The only doubt that can 
 arife of the fuccefs of your project, is 
 from the number of patent fly-catchers 
 which there are already. They increafe 
 may almoft lay ad infinitum, and in 
 time, I expe<ft, will have run through 
 every article of life- Nay, if the rage 
 fueceeds fo far, they will not be content, 
 I fuppofe, to flop there, but will take in 
 
 the 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 243 
 
 the dead as well as the living, I (hall 
 not be furprifed, in time, to fee patent 
 fhrouds to keep the dead warm* and 
 patent coffins to keep them from being 
 hurt. 
 
 In fhort, nothing multiplies upon us 
 
 fader than patents, excepting cattle. 
 
 We have them every where bellowing in 
 our ears, " Wha's need o' me ?" And fo 
 much need is found of them, that they 
 bid fair, if not to extirpate, at leaft to 
 corrupt, the genuine breed of the coun- 
 try. As they are very hardy, and have 
 a good digeftion, it is almoft impoffible 
 to get rid of them again when once they 
 have obtained any footing. They can 
 weather all florms and feafbnsj and no 
 matter how coarfe their fare may be, 
 l % they 
 
244 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 they can fwallow it, and thrive upon it. 
 But they love a fat pafture when they can 
 get into it. 
 
 I wifh your invention had been a fence 
 to keep them within bounds, and reftore 
 the common right to its proper owners ; 
 for it is a well known fadl that they drive 
 away all our geefe. A patent could 
 never have been granted for a better 
 purpofe. 
 
 I am, dear fir, 
 
 Your humble fervant, 
 
 E G— . 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 245 
 
 Mter 31. 
 
 FROM "■ ESa. TO MR* M— «-». 
 
 Dear Si r, 
 BEING molt unexpectedly to myfelf 
 appointed one of the executors to the will 
 of the late — — — — , gives me the plea- 
 fure, and I affure you it is a very fincere 
 one to me, of firft announcing to you 
 her bequeft in your favour to the amount 
 of {tvtn thoufand pounds, befides mak- 
 ing you one of the refiduafy legatees, of 
 whom there are three including yourfelf. 
 What advantage you may derive from 
 this, it is notjviffible at preient toeftimate, 
 1 am but juft returned from the opening 
 13 of 
 
24V TK ^ WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 of the will, and consequently 1 there- has 
 been no time yet to enter upon an mvefti- 
 gation of her affairs; but I would notlofe 
 a moment in informing you of your ia» 
 tereftin them. 
 
 I know this circumftance is as un- 
 expected on your part as it is on the part 
 of all thofe who have been long affiduous 
 in courting her favour^ and who are only 
 remembered by her in forne trifling le- 
 gacies^ which will mortify them almoft 
 more than not being named in her will 
 at all. 
 
 I have not time now to mention the 
 full particulars of the manner in which 
 fhe has difpofed of her fortune ; but it is 
 all difpofed of with equal kindnefs and 
 
 pro- 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 propriety as in the inftanc'e of her re* 
 mcmbrance of you. She was too dis- 
 cerning not too fee through the aim of 
 the attentions paid to her by certain per- 
 fons, and too confiderate riot to divide 
 her fortune where the knew it would be 
 moft really ufeful. 
 
 It forced a tmh from me feveral times 
 to fee the long faces of fuch of the legacy- 
 hunters as were prefent at the opening of 
 the will. The others will have the ad- 
 vantage of them > in learning their dis- 
 appointment, more privately, 
 
 ! am, dear Sir, 
 With fin cere regard, 
 Your faithful friend, 
 
 ■*■ ■ '■ '»• 
 
 1-4 
 
248 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 gutter 32. 
 
 FROM MRS. P— TO MR. H- 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 AS I never can witnefs the fuffering* 
 of any of my fellow creatures without 
 feeling a cordial fyrnpathy in them, it was 
 impoffible that I could behold with in- 
 difference the uneafinefs occasioned in 
 your fecial circles at ■ ■■ > , by the pri- 
 vation, to which you are called on to 
 fubmit one day in the week, of forbear- 
 ing from your accuftomed diverfion of 
 card-playing. 
 
 It has been a faying as long as I can 
 
 remember, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, 249 
 
 remember, probably much longer, and 
 it is not impoffible that it might take its 
 rife from fimilar contemplations to thofe 
 which at this moment recall it to my me- 
 mory, that "cuftom is a fecond nature. " 
 This recollection imprefles on my mind 
 fo lively a fenfe of the fufferings that rauft 
 be impofed by this reftridlion on your 
 fecond natures, or perhaps I fhaM not be 
 miftaken in faying now your pre-eminent 
 natures, that I cannot catch at the fha- 
 dow of a chance of affording you any re- 
 lief in thefe periods of diftrefs, without 
 an expanfion of heart that awakens 
 me almoft to a new exiftence. Oh ! if 
 you fhould catch one ray to enlighten 
 thefe dark intervals of your lives, from 
 the little paftime which I now mean to 
 have the pleafure of imparting to you 
 l 5 with 
 
%rO THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 with a view to alleviate thetedium of them,, 
 it will impart to my feelings a high and 
 lafting fatisfa6lk>n. 
 
 The humble amufement which I have 
 to offer you for filling up an hour of this 
 interruption from your more conftant and 
 interefting purfuits is called the "Game 
 of ^enriirjent ;" and I am- fure it will be a 
 recommendation of it tovoiu that it is now 
 in the higheft fafhion in a J l the genteel 
 circles m London,, The liature of it is 
 as follows* 
 
 A number of perfons write down upora 
 Hips of papeiv as their fentimentsdicTtate^ 
 any quality that the) particularly admire or 
 difllke in an abflract, relative, er genei/at 
 point of vie w^ or that they particularly wifli 
 
 to 
 
ME WESTERN MAIL. 2$l 
 
 to find in a hufband, wife,, friend, or any 
 other of the various relations of fecial life,. 
 — one fubjedl being taken at a time- 
 Thefe papers are folded upland collected 
 in a heap, fo that no fingle one is dif- 
 tinguiihablefrom the reft, and no perfon's 
 fentiments therefore publicly revealed. 
 They are then opened and feparated, and 
 the book of the game referred to, where 
 the tendencies of the qualities named are 
 explained, with refpe6l toany of the effects 
 on which an anfwer is required,that come 
 within the limits of its pretenfions, and 
 the ufual event of connexions founded 
 on particular qualities predicted. I will 
 endeavour to illuftrate this account by art 
 example, and (ball feledl for this purpoie . 
 a fubjed that is always the firfl chofen, if 
 l6 not 
 
l$Z THE WESTERN MAIL* 
 
 not in all companies, at leaft amongft 
 young perfons. You fhall have it as it 
 occurred the very laft time I faw the game 
 played. 
 
 The queftion propofed was, what quality 
 each fex wifhed to find in a hufband or 
 wife. 
 
 The gentlemen's and ladies' fentiments 
 were colledted in Separate heaps. On 
 opening that belonging tothe former, fome 
 were found to be for beauty, more for 
 fortune, and one for domeftic virtues. On 
 referring to the book, its decisions were, 
 that marriages merely for beauty conir 
 monly end in mutual indifference; for 
 fortune, in extravagance, ruin and hatred, 
 
 or 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 253 
 
 or in avarice and the jarrings of discon- 
 tent ; for domeftic virtues, in rational 
 
 happinefs. 
 
 When the ladies' papers were opened 
 the majority of them were found to be 
 infcribed Love, others Fortune, and fome 
 Rank. On marriages merely for fortune 
 the anfwer had been already given. On 
 thofe merely for rank thebookpronounced^ 
 that they created affectation in the general 
 deportment, infolent pride towards infe- 
 riors, and were not productive of domdftic 
 happinefs. When the word Love was 
 referred to, the anfwer was found to 
 ftand thus : " This word is fo varioufly 
 ufed, that the inquirer muft give a defi- 
 nition of the fenfe in which he ufes it, and 
 then refer again to the book/* 
 
 No 
 
S$4 THE WESTERN' MAIL. 
 
 No^efinitions of this word were pub- 
 licly given ; but the book was by turn& 
 in the hands of every lady in the room, 
 either to refolve the queftion propofed 
 according to her private definition of the 
 word, or to find a definition of it for her- 
 felf, amongft the anfwers given to it 
 lander the different fenfes in which it is- 
 ufed* 
 
 I have heard many other queftions 
 gone through in the fame w T ay ; but to 
 enter any further into a detail of the 
 game would only be to tire both you and 
 myfelf. You will undoubtedly have the: 
 book down at very foon» 
 
 I am, dear Sir,. 
 
 Your fympathifing humble fervant, 
 
•SHE WESTERN MAIL. QPy£ 
 
 Xcttet33. 
 
 FROM MRS. T TO MRS* H , 
 
 My dear Madam, 
 I AM afraid you will think nie verj 
 rernifs, and I am fare I ean hardly for- 
 give myfelf for my negligence, as it mult 
 appear to you, in not having taken aa 
 earlier opportunity of congratulating you 
 
 and Mr. H on the birth of your 
 
 little boy, the dear little fon and heir* 
 But ( hope you will pardon this feeming 
 omiffion when I tell you what has been 
 the occafion of it, and accept, however 
 tardy they may appear, mine and Mr.. 
 
 T .'s moit fincere and affe&ionate 
 
 com- 
 
2,$6 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 compliments on this joyful event, and 
 our beft wifhes that your precious trea- 
 fure may live to be a bleffing to his dear 
 parents. 
 
 I have been fo hurried both in mind 
 and body with newfurnifhing ourhoufe, 
 (for I could not bear any longer to fee it 
 as it was,) and with company, that I have 
 not had a moment to myfelf, or elfe 
 believe me I would never have fuffered fo 
 long a time to elapfe without having 
 made my acknowledgements to Mr. 
 
 H , for his kind intimation of your 
 
 confinement, and paying my compli- 
 ments properly upon it. You who know 
 my heart will not doubt that it gave me 
 the fincereft pleafure to hear of you fafe 
 in your bed, and that you had a fon, 
 
 I fhould 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 257 
 
 I (hould have been quite angry with the 
 child if it had been a girl. I hope the 
 little ftranger is like his papa in every 
 thing but his eyes. I will never forgive 
 him if he have not his mamma's charming 
 eyes, Yes, and he muft have your dim- 
 ple too, but othervvife I would have him 
 quite papa, I fuppofe he has been 
 chrifiened long ago, I am very im- 
 patient to know what name you have 
 given him. I (hall more than half quarrel 
 with you if it be not a pretty one. If 
 you fhould have given him his papa's ugly 
 name, it will be quite cruel to the fweet 
 child. I hope you approved of the 
 chriftening fuit. I was determined, as it 
 was a commiffion of yours, to give the 
 order myfelf: fo I juft ftole time enough 
 to do that one morning when I wanted 
 3 to 
 
%$% THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 to order fome linen at the fame place for 
 myfelf; but it was not in my power, to 
 ileal another half-hour to fee it before it 
 was fent off. 
 
 I am going to fend my elded girl to 
 fchcol, as it begins to be high time that 
 ihe fhonid karn fomething more than her 
 imriery maid can teach hcr 5 and you know 
 that it is impoflible for me to undertake 
 the care of her education. I have really 
 neither leifure nor health for it, 
 
 I am fure you will be happy fo hear 
 
 that mifs is going to be very well 
 
 married to — , He fettles fifteen 
 
 hundred a year upon ha * She will have 
 a town ho f ar a country houfe^ and 
 a carriage for her own ufe entirely. I 
 
 know 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 2yp 
 
 know nothing of him, but I am told he 
 is very much a man of fafhion. What 
 a lucky girl I 
 
 Youmufthaveheard of the melancholy 
 
 event of poor Mr r s death. It was, 
 
 indeed, a happy releafe for him, after all 
 his fufferings. It was really too much j 
 for my weak fpirits to be with him, and 
 fo I had not feen him for many months. 
 But it feems his poor head was at times 
 quite wandering, and I am fire it was 
 Shocking enough to hear of it, without 
 
 feeing him. And Mr. T always faid 
 
 that his nurfe appeared a very careful, 
 good kind of woman. He cIks in 
 very moderate circumliances. 
 
 I have not feen my little trcafures 
 
 this 
 
l6o THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 this morning, for my poor nerves are 
 not able to bear them much with me. 
 But, I am fure, if they were here, they 
 would fend their compliments to their , 
 new acquaintance^ little — what am 
 I to call him ? Do not let me be long 
 without knowings my dear friend ; and 
 believe me to be yours, 
 
 With the trueft regard, 
 
 And moft affe&ionate friendship, 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. %6l 
 
 KUtter 34. 
 
 FROM MR. TO MR. M- # 
 
 My dear Friend, 
 I FIND you are no more to be 
 depended upon than moft travellers, 
 for you cannot tell your ftory without 
 embellifhment. I came hither, expect- 
 ing, from your^deicription of the piece, 
 to find nothing lefs than a city in fairy 
 land, where all the ftreets were broad, 
 clean, and lighted by an eternal moon 
 when the day clofed, the houfes all 
 magnificent, the inhabitants all living 
 in plenty, and being all amiable and 
 happy. Perhaps you will tell me, 
 
 that 
 
l6l THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 that I was a fool for underftanding you 
 fo literally. And I acknowledge that 
 I have the folly to imagine people mean 
 what they fay, I fuppofe I fliall be 
 cared of it in time. 
 
 I often fmile, when I recoiled your 
 favourite expreffion in talking to me 
 about London. " How you will be 
 furprifed !" yoa ufed to exclaim, no 
 matter in what particular inftances, at 
 this, that, and the other, phenomena, 
 we will fay, as you gave me an account 
 of all the wonders that you had feen ; 
 for where you expected that I fhould 
 feel the mod furprile, I have experi- 
 enced it the lead. And all the novelties 
 which you thought would fo much 
 attradl my attention, as to break me of 
 
 my 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 263 
 
 my habit of building caftles in the air, 
 have only increaied it upon me more 
 than ever. I build even fafler than 
 the builders with brick and mortar, 
 who are making London run away 
 from itfelf as faft as they can. But, 
 if I have the fault of exceeding them 
 in rapidity, .-they have not the recom- 
 mendation of much exceeding me in 
 folidity, I frequently doubt whether 
 it would not make a fair bet between 
 us, which buildings will fall firft. And 
 I am fure the people who may hereafter 
 inhabit theirs, will foon wonder what 
 is meant by talking of a houfe fhelter- 
 ing any body from the rain and the 
 cold. Thefe new ftreets and fquares 
 look like offsets thrown out from the 
 parent flock, which will perifh again 
 
 before 
 
 9 
 
264 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 before the main body {bows any fym- 
 ptoms of decay. Perhaps they are 
 meant to be emblematical. This part 
 of the town may be intended to re- 
 prefent the commercial, as oppofed to 
 the older part, which looks like the 
 reprefentative of fhe landed, intereft 
 of the country. 
 
 Every thing that I fee and hear 
 throws me into a reverie, and lays the 
 foundation of feme new building for 
 me. I never hear the watchmen of 
 a night, without thinking what a 
 wretched thing it is to be walking 
 about in that manner, in all kinds of 
 weather, inftead of being quietly in 
 bed, and aileep. And then I form 
 projedls for educating all people decently, 
 
 and 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 265 
 
 and making the means of their earn- 
 ing a comfortable living eafy to them, 
 fo that they fhall be guarded both by 
 principle and comfort againft tempta- 
 tions to robbery and other irregularities ; 
 and then thefe men might go to bed 
 like other perfons, and have their reft, 
 for they would no longer be wanted to 
 watch us while we take ours. And 
 upon my word I do not believe that 
 it would be more trouble and expenfe 
 to inftitute and carry on fuch a plan, 
 than it is now to let people grow up 
 as they can, and live as they can, 
 and then have fo many different plans 
 to prevent their doing mifchief. You 
 
 know in our village, where — pays 
 
 fo much attention to thefe things, the 
 poor are no more expenfe than they 
 
 ufed to be, and we have no occafion 
 m for 
 
a66 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 for watchmen. It could do no harm, 
 at lea ft, I think, to try if it would 
 not be the fame here. 
 
 I could mention a great manv more 
 things that you never faid a word about, 
 which feem much more extraordinary to 
 me, than all the fights that you boafted 
 of as fo grand, that I expected I could 
 have feen them for ever without being 
 tired. Perhaps, by your not fpeaking of 
 them, it never comes into your head to 
 take notice of inch things as I mean, and 
 that you would only think it troublefome 
 to hear any more about them. And, I 
 fuppofe, it is much the fame with molt 
 people ; or elfe, I think fornething of 
 the kind that I propofe would., have been 
 done before this time. 
 
 I know that you will think me very 
 £:upid, but I cannot help that, for what 
 
 I have 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 267 
 
 I have told you is the truth. But, if I 
 
 have been disappointed in London in 
 
 fome refpecis, I have had full amends 
 
 made me in others. What has fallen (hort 
 
 to me in your fuperlatives, has been re- 
 
 eompenfed to me in your non-entities. I 
 
 have ftruck into a path, where, by your 
 
 never mentioning of it, I imagine that 
 
 you never fet your foot. If this were 
 
 choice it is all very well, you had your 
 
 amulements of your own feleclion. If it 
 
 were from ignorance of it, I am forry for 
 
 you, and when you come to town again 
 
 I will take care that you do not lofe the 
 
 advantages of it a fecond time from the 
 
 fame caufe. What I here allude to, are 
 
 the many valuable fources of knowledge 
 
 which this place prefents above any other 
 
 in the kingdom to the inquiring mind, 
 
 in the purfuits of the arts and fciences, in 
 
 M 2 a variety 
 
&68 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 a variety of ufeful and beautiful manu- 
 fadtures, and in a multitude of inge- 
 nious mechanical implements, applicable 
 io pnrpofes of important utility; that 
 afford an ample field of amufement and 
 information, in which I am highly inter- 
 eited. And I have befides had the good 
 fortune to be introduced to a felecft circle 
 of perfons of fuperior talents and infor- 
 mation, amongft whom I pafs fome of the 
 moft delightful hours of my life. 
 
 The former advantages are within the 
 reach of every body who has a difpotition 
 to take advantage of them, and whoever 
 has, I wifh may be as fortunate as I have 
 been in getting an introduction to the 
 fame fociety. I am, my dear friend, 
 
 Yours &c. &c. 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 269 
 
 better 35. 
 
 FROM TO — — . 
 
 My dear > 
 
 SURELY of all the evils that haunt fo- 
 ciety there can fcarcely be one more de- 
 finitive in its confequences to all that 
 is moft valuable in fociety, than the 
 dreadful evil of adultery which increafes 
 upon us with rapid fcrides. If there be 
 thofe who can doubt this, I wifh they 
 had been prefent with me in the fcenes 
 in which I have lately been engaged, 
 where they muft have been led to refledt" 
 on the fatal effedis that it produces, and 
 m 3 which 
 
270 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 which I think would have left this im- 
 preffion upon their minds. 
 
 Every newspaper will have told you 
 the deplorable circumftance of the elope- 
 ment of ■ ■ with 
 
 but no attempt to delineate it can give 
 you any idea of the mifery that this 
 event has created. It is difficult to lay 
 who of her near connections have fuf- 
 fered the moil feverely upon this oc- 
 cafion. To queftion its being her 
 hufband may feem almoft to offer him 
 an injufiice, but yet if you had fcen her 
 parents you would have thought it next 
 to impoffible that any fufferings could 
 equal theirs. I have gone from one to 
 the other, and I have feen them all 
 together till I knew not which moft to 
 
 com- 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 27! 
 
 commiferate. And when I favv the 
 children I knew not whether they were 
 not ftili more pitiable than either. 
 Their appearance and the reflections on 
 their fituation give me fenfatipns fuch as 
 
 I have never before experienced. The 
 abfence of their mother, an evident 
 
 confeioufnefs of fomelhing peculiar in 
 the caufe of it, the affliction of their 
 father, grandfather, and grandmother^ 
 with the new kind of tendernefs that 
 their manner has affumed towards them, 
 feem altogether to bewilder and over- 
 power them. Their immediate feelings 
 certainly are not to be compared with 
 thofe of the former, and they will fooner 
 recover from them y but the - confe- 
 rences of this evil are perhaps more im- 
 portant to them than to the others. It 
 
 attaches 
 
<2,*]% THE WESTERNT MAIL. 
 
 attaches di fad vantages to them that are 
 very hard to be overcome. 
 
 The firft meeting between the 
 hufband and parents of this infatuated 
 woman was one of the moil heart- 
 breaking fcenes that I ever witnefled. 
 To defcribe it is impoffible. If (he 
 be not totally loft to all the feelings 
 of her former fituation, the recital of 
 this meeting, if it could be given 
 in language forcible enough to do it 
 juftice, would be a bitterer punifhment 
 for her, than any that the ingenuity 
 of torture could devlfe. But, to talk 
 of any fenfe of the feelings of a wife 
 and mother remaining in a woman 
 who can break the ftrongeft ties of 
 affe&ion, and the bonds of the mod 
 
 impor- 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 27J 
 
 important connection in fecial life > is 
 to betray the ideas of an idiot, Where 
 can they exift if the affections of an 
 amiable man and excellent hufband 
 had no power to retain her within 
 the pale of the domeftic happinefs in 
 which they had lived together ?— if 
 her children, with all the endearing 
 claims of their engaging and helplefs 
 innocence, are caft as aliens from her 
 bofom, and robbed of all maternal 
 care for ever. To fnppofe that a 
 woman who thus abandons, can ftill 
 love, her children, is to offer an 
 infult to common fenfe. Could fhe 
 place herfelf and them in the fituation, 
 ten thoufand times worfe to them 
 than her real death, of this living 
 death to them,, in which it. becomes 
 % i an 
 
2?4 THE WESTERN MAIL, 
 
 an offence to them fcarcely to be 
 pardoned, ever to breathe a wifh to 
 fee them again. No ! if fhe have 
 forfaken them thus, let her look back 
 to them no more, let them forget, if 
 it be pollible, that they ever had a 
 mother. It is hard enough upon 
 them to be deprived cf a mother's 
 care, without tainting them afterwards 
 with their mother's crime. She has 
 made her choice, (lie has preferred 
 her paramour to every other confider- 
 ation, and let her abide by her choice. 
 If (lie would retrieve herfelf at all in 
 the eftimation of virtue, it can only be 
 by her fidelity to this new choice which 
 had fuch predominating influence over 
 her, as to break down every reftraint 
 both public and private that oppofed it- 
 
 felf 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL, <L^ 
 
 felf again-ft it. For if by any future ca- 
 pricioufnefs fhe hankers again after the 
 connexions fhe has fo violently hurft 
 afunder, fhe only befrajs that they were 
 iacrificed to a mere fit of wantonneis, 
 and blafts her fame with double infamy. 
 
 Perhaps this judgment may feem fevere 
 to you, but recoiled! the deeply injurious 
 confequences of this crime. Every vio- 
 lation of the purity of the conjugal union. 
 1 {peak now of both parties in it 5 or what- 
 ever in any way poiibns the good order 
 and happinefs of its ddnfieftic ceconomy, 
 ilrikes at the foundation of all that is 
 moll important to the general welfare of 
 fociety, by fpreading corruption through- 
 out every department of public life. 
 From whence is the ftate to receive vir- 
 tuous 
 
276 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 tuous citizens, but from the bands of vir- 
 tuous parents ? Virtue is a plant which in 
 its infancy can grow in no other than 
 a domeOic foil, and, if this foil be not 
 kept pure, how can the plant attain 
 its proper growth. If the guardians^ 
 therefore, who have the care of it, 
 either fuffer improper ingredients to be 
 intermixed in the foil, or do not keep 
 it clear from weeds, or abandon their 
 nurfling to the inclemencies of the feafons 
 without protection, are not they anfwer- 
 able for the injury that it may fuftain 
 both to itfelf and the public ? And is not 
 their culpability towards both of the mod 
 fatalaeicription ? 
 
 The marriage tie ought not to be 
 lightly formed, and when it is formed it 
 
 ought 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 277 
 
 ought to be regarded with the utmoft 
 fan£Hty. Every amiable quality too 
 of the heart, and every means of im- 
 proving the mind, ought to be mutually 
 cultivated by the contracting parties of 
 it, that can endear this connection, and 
 cherifh to a maturity of virtue the infant 
 race to which it may give birth, to render 
 it a bleffing both to its parents and 
 country. 
 
 Nor mult the fan&ity of this union 
 be lefs cautioufly guarded from without^ 
 than within, its immediate fphere. Its 
 rights ought to be univerfally acknow- 
 ledged and held facred ; and the perfon 
 who fucceeds, or even attempts, to vio- 
 late them, confidered not only as an 
 enemy to the individuals whofe happi- 
 n nefi 
 
±j8 the Western mail.. 
 
 nefs is thus aimed at or defiroyed, but 
 as an enemy to the ftate, which has a 
 moft important intereft in the prefer- 
 vation and welfare\)f this conne&ion. 
 
 To retrieve fociety from the alarming 
 Increafe of the dreadful evil of adultery 
 every poffible effort fhould be made to 
 cultivate throughout all ranks of fociety 
 the habits and virtues of domeitic life. 
 While diffipation is not only fuffered, 
 but encouraged by every means that can 
 be deviled, we (hall look in vain for any 
 general diffusion of virtue. They are 
 incompatibilities as irreconcilable as fire 
 and water. There is not a circumftance 
 attendant on diffipation that is not at 
 variance with the purity and regularity 
 of virtue. I do not mean by virtue, a 
 
 mere 
 
THE \VESTERN MAIL. 279 
 
 mere refraining from the broadeft paths 
 of vice, which may in fome refpecfts 
 fubfift with diffipation, but that magna- 
 nimous quality that pervades and gives 
 dignity and utility to the general occu- 
 pations of the mind, and ads of the 
 condudt. 
 
 And to this diffipation is an inveterate 
 foe, for it diftra&s the mind from all 
 contemplations of dignity and utility, 
 and engages the activity of its votaries 
 in a round of unceafing frivolities which 
 tend to the introduction of every fpecies 
 of licentioufnefs. Can this evil therefore 
 that now increafes upon us with formid- 
 able rapidity, and with it of courfe adul- 
 tery, and all its other confequent evils 
 be too foon or too guardedly couriter- 
 N2 aded, 
 
aBo THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 a$ed, by the cultivation of its anti- 
 dote. 
 
 To emancipate themfelves from the 
 trammels of diffipation, will undoubt- 
 edly require efforts on the part of the - 
 wanderers in thefe paths, I will not 
 fay not to be hoped for, as every- 
 thing may be hoped for that is not 
 impoffible, and the poffibility of thefe 
 efforts certainly is not to be difputed. 
 Yet perhaps they muft not be looked 
 for at once with very fanguine expect- 
 ations, as, at firft, the intoxicating 
 habits of this career will unqueftionably 
 be broken wfih difficulty. But per- 
 feverance wi ! render every fjccecding 
 attempt fo this effect more eafy than 
 the former, and will, at length, con- 
 quer 
 
THE WESTERN MAIL. 28 I 
 
 quer all the obftacles that oppofe 
 themfelves to the accomplifhment of 
 this object, fo worthy of their moft 
 ftrenuous exertions. And when reftor- 
 ed, or, perhaps awakened, for the 
 firft time, to the purfuits of intelle&ual 
 attainments, to the full enjoyment of 
 the afFedionate attachments of domeftic 
 ties, and real friendfhips, with tranquil 
 habits of life, not lefs falutary to the 
 health of the body, than of the mind, 
 the perfons who have made this ex- 
 change, I think, will never look 
 back to the delirium of the fcenes 
 which they have quitted^, with any 
 fentiment of regret. 
 lip i^ 
 If you think examples be neceffary 
 to enforce the recommendation of my 
 n 3 fug- 
 
2$2 THE WESTERN MAIL. 
 
 fuggeftions, there are fuch to be found 
 in every variety of fituation, where, 
 according to their ilation, all perfons 
 may fipsi an appropriate inftance of 
 whatever I have before alluded to, as 
 efTential to the formation of the mod 
 valuable, and the moft truly happy 
 characters, to ftimulate them to the 
 trial of this experiment. 
 
 That it may be made, and made 
 with the moft complete fuccefs, is the 
 fincere and fervent wifh of my heart. 
 
 I am, 
 
 With affectionate regard, 
 Your fincere friend, 
 
 6 1 5 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 BAVIS, VVILKS, & TAYLOR," 
 
 Printers, Chaucery-Iane. 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 . 
 
 Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
 Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
 Treatment Date: March 2009 
 
 PreservationTechnologies 
 
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