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YOUNG AMERICA 
 
 IN THE HANDS OF 
 HIS FRIENDS 
 
YOUNG AMERICA 
 
 IN THE HANDS OF 
 HIS FRIENDS 
 
 H political ©ratiia 
 
 Arthur W. Sanborn 
 
 ^ 
 
 BOSTON 
 JAMES H. WEST COMPANY 
 
LiBRrtKV ,.r CONGRESS 
 Two Cepies Received 
 
 MAR 22 1904 
 
 Copyright Entry ^ 
 
 5 IJ} 
 COPY 3 
 
 Copyright, 1904 
 By James H. West Company 
 
 T^ 3^3-7 
 
 A copy of this book will be se^tt, postage paid, to 
 
 any address within the Postal Union, on 
 
 receipt of y^ cents by the Ftiblishers. 
 
PEOPLE REPRESENTED 
 
 Young America. 
 John Bull. 
 
 Mr. Monopoly. 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Secretaries. 
 Senators. 
 
 A War Correspondent. 
 Soldiers, Servants, etc. 
 Shade of Old America. 
 
 Miss Empire {daughter of Mr. Monopoly ; after- 
 ward^ wife of Young America). 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 A Waiting-maid. 
 A Page. 
 
YOUNG AMERICA 
 
 IN THE HANDS OF 
 HIS FRIENDS 
 
 Young America comes forward and speaks. 
 
 I'M the most utterly bewildered man 
 In all the world ; between my wife and her father 
 I'm driven distracted, and something must be done. 
 Once more, for consolation, I'll ponder it out 
 And tell you all about it, if you'll listen. 
 It may be, as I've now and then observed, 
 In just explaining my predicament 
 I'll make it clear in some way to myself, 
 And so escape from my perplexity. 
 A happy thought ! It lifts my load of care 
 And shifts a moiety to the listener. 
 Attend, then, to the burden of the tale. 
 
 To begin with the beginning — some years ago, 
 Along about the end of the Spanish war. 
 
8 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 My good old father, Old America, 
 
 Passed away quietly and was laid at rest, 
 
 Leaving me heir to all his property. 
 
 So all my friends (at least I thought at the time 
 
 They were my friends) came to congratulate me. 
 
 And they all said, W/if don't you marry Miss Empire ? 
 
 A lady of aristocratic birth 
 
 And native parentage, but nursed abroad 
 
 In palaces and courts of emperors. 
 
 A beauty ? Well, at least a gorgeous creature. 
 
 Graced with the attributes that wealth endows 
 
 And a most haughty and imperial air. 
 
 Senator Jingo, a great friend of mine, 
 
 First introduced me. I was fascinated. 
 
 Besides, her father, Old Monopoly, 
 
 Held a mortgage on the place, so, everyway. 
 
 Our union seemed disposed by destiny. 
 
 Destiny ! That's the word — my destiny ! 
 
 The rostrum, and the pulpit, and the hustings 
 
 All in a chorus hang upon that strain. 
 
 Destiny ! You understand it } Well, I don't. 
 
 If I do so-and-so, that's destiny. 
 
 Very well, then ; if I don't do it, that 's destiny. 
 
 It's all the same — like the philosopher 
 
 Who sat himself down in a quiet nook 
 
 To meditate in subtle contemplation 
 
 This mystery, that one and one make two. 
 
 And yet if you divide one it makes two. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 9 
 
 Now this problem I'm speaking of, this destiny, 
 
 Is just as hard as that — by Jove, it is. 
 
 It's incomprehensible. Well, never mind. 
 
 After our marriage (I forgot to say 
 
 I married her), my wife essayed the reins 
 
 And drove me to expense beyond my means 
 
 By her extravagance and royal style. 
 
 All the plain customs of my father's time 
 
 Were pushed into the corner one by one 
 
 As far as she ventured ; she held court abroad, 
 
 And our ambassadors burst into bloom 
 
 In knee-breeches and ruffles, and the like of that. 
 
 But this was the misfortune of it all — 
 
 She must have servants, and demanded Cuba Libre, 
 
 Whose freedom I had pledged, for a waiting-maid. 
 
 I put her off, at least for a little while. 
 
 And in her place I purchased Filipena, 
 
 A gentle creature, I thought, a timid girl, 
 
 Easily ruled. I paid a round price for her. 
 
 What do you think ? She met us with a smile 
 
 And a word of thanks ; but when she learned our 
 
 purpose 
 She cried a little and then flew into a fury. 
 The ways of women ! I said, let her go. 
 And the twenty millions, too, I had paid over. 
 The devil if I could make war on a woman. 
 Yes, that's the trouble. My wife stamped her foot 
 And railed in anger, and my father-in-law 
 
lo YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Came rushing up and threatened me with foreclosure. 
 
 All my old friends, too, and officials, all of 'em. 
 
 Urged me to the war. Some talked of destiny. 
 
 And some of glory, of riches gained in trade, 
 
 And the barbarous heathen to be Christianized. 
 
 Arguments enough, and good ones, on my word. 
 
 For slaughtering all mankind. Well, I consented. 
 
 So in all haste my wife prepared for the war. 
 
 And off she went with an army in her train 
 
 And a navy to salute her with great guns. 
 
 Now, like an ill wind forecasting a storm, 
 
 She has got up in the darkness of the East, 
 
 And groans of death begin to fill the air. 
 
 Coming unwitnessed from those distant isles, 
 
 First one or two, like early water-fowl 
 
 That pass unnoticed floating in the sky. 
 
 But now in numbers clamoring to the clouds 
 
 They fill my ears, those far-off mournful cries. 
 
 It's quite distressing ; at least, it would be so 
 
 If I had not discovered recently 
 
 A remedy — just stopping up my ears. 
 
 Would that I might as easily escape 
 
 {E7iter two Servants with bundles of papers.) 
 
 Well, come, now, what are these you're throwing down .? 
 
 First Servant. 
 Bills, sir. {Exit.) 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 
 
 II 
 
 Second Servant. 
 
 ^il^s. {Exit) 
 
 Young America. 
 
 Yes, that's the cue. I'm deluged with the bills 
 For men and guns, provisions and supplies, 
 Transports, and hospitals, and battle-ships. 
 And all that goes to make a costly war, 
 Fought at arm's length, as such a war must be. 
 Sometimes I get disgusted utterly, 
 And chiefly when I take a pen in hand 
 And sit down sadly, in a reckoning mood. 
 At times, when I am buried in progressions, 
 I estimate to get my money back. 
 Without the interest, in a thousand years. 
 Not a great prize, I swear, is Filipena. 
 Well, never mind. I wouldn't, on my word. 
 Could I have realized that dispensation 
 To Christianize her, as I fondly hoped. 
 My God ! the very first communication 
 
 The creature sent me was a Bible text 
 
 Do unto others as you would tJiat others 
 
 Should unto you. I couldn't think off-hand 
 
 Of just the proper text to answer that. 
 
 So I lay still, depending on the guns. 
 
 After all, that's the only quotient left 
 
 Of this world's problem. Glory — sweet's the word ! 
 
 And often, after the day's work is done. 
 
 Supper dispatched, the newspaper at hand, 
 
12 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 I seize the sheet, under the evening lamp, 
 And read tales of the wonder-working East ; 
 Fabulous, far-off armies ranked in war, 
 Terrible skirmishes, and hot pursuits, 
 And oh ! such thundering great proclamations 
 Discharged abroad over my signature ; — 
 I say, when all this swims before my eyes 
 Then I begin to feel my dignity, 
 And it does seem as if my destiny 
 Was something or other, or something else, or some- 
 thing. 
 
 (Servants /^i"^ in and ont, brmging the mail.) 
 
 Another mail ! Well, put your baggage down. 
 No wonder (is it ?) that my temper's crossed, 
 With all this business blocking up my doors. 
 It is my own, neglected and despised. 
 Now, to my knowledge, since my wedding-day 
 My own affairs and private enterprises 
 Have had but so much claim upon my time. 
 So much consideration and relief. 
 As just to keep them running day by day 
 And hold the government upon the rail. 
 All my time else, in congress and in court, 
 Is charged up to my wife's necessities. 
 
 {Re-enter Servants.) 
 Hello ! What's this that makes a load for two .? 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 13 
 
 Servant. 
 It's labeled, Diplomatic correspondence. 
 
 Young America. 
 What ! All that bulk ! Just diplomatic notes ! 
 
 Enter Colonel Gorgon a7id tJiree Secretaries with 
 State documents in their hajids. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 My dear fellow, how well you look ! 
 
 First Secretary. 
 How prosperous ! 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 How contented ! 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 How happy ! 
 
 Young America. 
 If I am happy in one thing in this world 
 It's in the absence of that War Secretary ! 
 I don't see him among you, as usual. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Ah, no. He's drafting proclamations. 
 
14 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 For what purpose ? 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 To lure down Filipena from the hills 
 And pacify her — an alternative. 
 
 Young America. 
 That's excellent. He haunts me like a ghost 
 With his dispatches and bills and requisitions 
 And drafts, and orders on the arsenals. 
 Bless the new turn. Let him draw proclamations 
 Forever hereafter, and file them on his sword. 
 I'm lighter-hearted. Now what are these papers 
 That you have sifted out for my approval } 
 
 First Secretary. 
 The Cuban treaty. 
 
 Young America. 
 And yours ? 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 The Philippine budget. 
 
 Young America. 
 And those documents you hold ? 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 15 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 Our case against the Porto Rican merchants. 
 
 Young America. 
 Is this all ? Surely there is something more. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Our last proclamation, a masterpiece. 
 
 Young America. 
 No, you mistake me. I mean something more — 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Now I remember. What an oversight ! 
 (He produces a book.) 
 This little volume — 
 
 Young America. 
 No, I mean something that concerns myself, 
 My own accounts, my proper home affairs. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Exactly ; here is something to the point. 
 This little volume let me recommend 
 To your attention ; in it you will find 
 High principles of civic righteousness 
 And stern endeavor ; a miscellany ; 
 
i6 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 A book all of us workingmen ought to read. 
 It is entitled, The Gospel of Hard Work. 
 
 Young America {accepting it reluctantly). 
 Is there a chapter on More Pay ? 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Oh, my dear friend, my fellow-countryman, 
 Don't, don't confuse spiritual and material things. 
 
 Young America. 
 I dare say. Colonel, it's unnecessary — 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Now, my dear fellow, there is work to do. 
 Our fathers were content to lead the world, 
 But we'll do more ; we'll get behind and push. 
 We must be bold, and firm, and strenuous, 
 And face the problems of the century. 
 That loom before us, with all fearlessness : 
 Such as I well remember when I climbed 
 San Juan Mountain. When I looked around 
 
 And saw my bully fellows following 
 
 But, looking round, I see you all prepared 
 
 For present business. Deeds, not words, are best. 
 
 Young America. 
 But, once more. Colonel, tell me of San Juan. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 17 
 
 Secretaries. 
 Yes, tell it, tell it. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 No, no, boys, I can't tell it, in modesty. 
 At least, only once in a while. 
 
 Young America. 
 Come now, I'm anxious to hear it. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 That's it. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 Let's have it. 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 Go on with the story. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 No, my dear fellows, positively I can't do it. 
 But I'll recount an adventure that befell me, 
 In company with several friends of mine, 
 At Pawnee Gulch, near the Little Bighorn ranch. 
 In a small way it was something Uke San Juan, 
 But in this case no human blood was spilled. 
 
 Young America. 
 A bear hunt. Colonel } 
 
i8 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Yes, a bear hunt. 
 
 Young America. 
 You killed it .? 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 It was my good fortune. 
 
 Young America. 
 A monster ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 You infer rightly. 
 
 Young America. 
 Come now, we're settled to hear it. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Then, as you wish it, I'll indulge the time 
 And gratify you with the narrative. 
 The more so, that it points a paradox 
 Illustrating the Gospel of Hard Work, 
 In this wise : When you trail Old Ephraim 
 You will observe 
 
 Enter the Fourth Secretary, hastily, with a paper 
 in Ids hand. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 
 
 Young America. 
 That apparition again ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 What's this ! You're agitated. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 What is it } 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 What's the matter .? 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 What's happened ? 
 
 Fourth Secretary {seating himself with a groan), 
 A cable from the Philippines ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Is it bad news } 
 
 Young America. 
 All dispatches are, all of 'em. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 My heart misgives me. It's our proclamation. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Explain yourself. Is it our proclamation } 
 
 19 
 
20 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 The ignorant creature has misunderstood it. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Impossible ! 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Where's the dispatch ? 
 
 Fourth Secretary {giving hint the paper). 
 Read it. 
 
 All. 
 Read it. Read it. 
 
 First Secretary {looking it over). 
 
 From General Catling. {He reads.) Have in- 
 structed Filipena as directed taxation zvithout repre- 
 sentation means freedom. Not satisfied. Demands 
 further definition. Have skirmisJied dictionary. 
 Formidable abattis. Have ordered staff lay siege 
 encyclopedia. Desperate situation. Send more. — 
 Catling. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 
 Oh, with what ignorance do we contend ! 
 But, courage, fellows ! Let us face the task 
 And solve the problem, back up deeds with words, 
 And dissipate the night of barbarism. 
 Let General Catling be at once supplied 
 With all he needs. Send more — ah ! more of what } 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 21 
 
 Young America. 
 Alas ! more money. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 More men. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 More ships. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 More proclamations. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon {to Third Secretary). 
 And your opinion } 
 
 Young America. 
 Yes, what says the man of law ? 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 I advise — to send more — of everything. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 No, no, boys, this won't do. 
 All these we have supplied in quantity. 
 But money, men, and ships have not availed, 
 And proclamations teaching liberty 
 Serve only to confuse the savage mind. 
 It's something else, some dubious necessity 
 Not yet requisitioned, some palladium. 
 
22 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 First Secretary. 
 It's a problem for a full cabinet. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 I'll tell you who can solve it — Senator Jingo. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 The very man ! But where is he ? 
 
 Young America (fo Servant). 
 Where is he, do you know .? Where's Senator Jingo ? 
 
 Servant. 
 Solving world's problems in the committee-room. 
 
 Young America. 
 Make haste, then, and request his presence here. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Remember — on urgent business. 
 
 (Exif Servant.) 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 I know I shall be blamed for this mischance, 
 And men who never drew a proclamation 
 Will cavil at it and deride my pains. 
 Oh, ignorance ! Everywhere it baffles me. 
 If they knew Filipena and understood her 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 23 
 
 As well as I do they would cease to scoff. 
 She's incorrigible. My first proclamation 
 She laughed at, the next aroused her anger, 
 And this one is rejected with contempt. 
 Ungrateful wretch ! It was a masterpiece ! 
 Why, it imposed a form of government 
 Beyond her wildest dreams of liberty — 
 
 Young America. 
 You're sure it wasn't a nightmare ? 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 I wonder you insult the unfortunate. 
 A man, too, of such eminent desert 
 And public spirit ; it's really wonderful. 
 Oh, how we toil to reap ingratitude ! 
 But never mind. Cheer up your heart, my friend. 
 I'll warrant we shall yet reach Filipena 
 With a proclamation that will bring her down. 
 
 Young America. 
 Oh, yes, down from the hills into the swamps, 
 Then back into the hills. I'm out of patience. 
 I have a mind to investigate for myself 
 And find out what she wants. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 Pshaw ! poh ! nonsense ! I know what she wants 
 Much better than you do. You don't understand her. 
 
24 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 Nevertheless, I shall investigate. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 It's impossible. 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 It's unprecedented. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 It can't be done. 
 
 Young America. 
 I shall investigate, notwithstanding. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 Very well, sir, I know the cause of this. 
 You've been deluded by those slanderers 
 Of our army, those traducers of our fame, 
 Unpatriotic, anti-patriotic men. 
 Hypocrites who pretend to seek the truth — 
 {Aside) Which they shall never find, not one of 'em. 
 
 Young America. 
 Well, I've heard strange stories. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 For instance. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 25 
 
 Young America. 
 I'll cite this instance in particular. 
 They say, at the beginning of the war 
 Some of our generals seized Filipena 
 And racked her with the Spanish water-cure. 
 A barbarous torture — on my soul, it is ; 
 And nothing profiting, for she escaped 
 Into the hills, eluding their pursuit. 
 These accusations of barbarity, 
 And other charges, under other names, 
 As calumnies I long discredited. 
 But willful deafness I must now abjure. 
 I will investigate and make it clear 
 Whether these whispers and tales of horrors done 
 Are truth unconquered or pernicious lies. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Be sure of that — dark and malignant lies. 
 
 Young America. 
 It may be so, but, if it prove the truth, 
 Let justice lighten and the penalty 
 Thunder behind. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 So shall my judgment fall. 
 
 Young America. 
 A punishment proportioned to the crime. 
 
26 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Exactly. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 Not imprisonment ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 No, no. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 A fine .? 
 
 Young America. 
 A fine ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 My dear fellows, cease this controversy. 
 The culprits (if the charges are sustained 
 And well attested) shall be reprimanded. 
 Now, let that settle it. No more of that. 
 
 F'ouRTH Secretary. 
 Well, Colonel. 
 
 Young America. 
 Why, Colonel — 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 No more, no more. 
 
 {Re-enter Servant, folloivcd by Senator Jingo.) 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 27 
 
 You're welcome, Senator. We'll only trouble you 
 For a moment, a golden moment, of your time. 
 
 Senator Jingo {abstractedly). 
 There's Havemeyer, number one. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 How's that ? 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 It leaves us his friendship and a frarction over. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 But, my dear Senator ! 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Oh, by the way ! Excuse me, gentlemen. 
 I was on the long column of the Cuban problem. 
 There's something wanted. Can I aid you here t 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Senator, just cast your eye over this letter — 
 Or dispatch, I would say — and give us your opinion. 
 
 Young America. 
 And mind you. Senator, this present problem 
 Is taken from the very end of the book, 
 TJie World's Arcana — it's a mystery. 
 
28 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 We've struggled with it and fallen, one by one, 
 And you're our last reserve. 
 
 Fourth Secretary. 
 Now, do be careful. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Pause on it, Senator. Don't speak hastily. 
 
 Young America. 
 Because, I warn you, this is critical. 
 I must find some one, somewhere, in some way. 
 To solve these problems. I confess / can't. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 How cool he is ! 
 
 Fourth Secretary 
 Hush ! He's calculating. 
 
 A Servant e^iters mid stands at one side, waiting. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Hum — General Gatling — what's this .? {He reads.) 
 Have instructed Filipena as directed taxation without 
 representatio7i means freedom. 
 Well, well, that's an ill phrase — execrably stated. 
 It should be, is identical with freedom. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 29 
 
 Young America. 
 Read on. That isn't all. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Or, better still, is tarntamotmt to freedom. 
 
 Young America. 
 Read on, read on. The sting is in the tail. 
 
 Senator Jingo {I'eading). 
 Have skirmished dictionaiy. Desperate situation. 
 Send more. 
 That's all, is it t He asks you to send more. 
 
 Young America. 
 Yes, that's all. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Well, why not send more } 
 
 All. 
 More what ? 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 More teachers, of course. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Ah I 
 
30 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 More teachers ! For whom ? 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Why, sure, for FiHpena. 
 
 Fourth Secretary {aside). 
 Confound it! I supposed he would say. More 
 cannon. 
 
 First Secretary {aside). 
 He was a professor in his younger days. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Senator, we're a thousand times obliged. 
 It's all as plain as day. How did we miss it .? 
 
 Young America. 
 How did we miss it .-* 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Not one of us is equal to the Senator 
 In solving problems and explaining what we do. 
 How clear he makes it ! How unanswerable ! 
 Make out an order instantly for more teachers. 
 And cable Gatling they are on the way. 
 It will ease his mind and relieve the situation. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 31 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 The more the better. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Yes, certainly. Good morning, Senator. 
 I see you're in a hurry. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Good morning, gentlemen. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 And I say, Senator ! 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Yes. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 That Cuban problem — let the answer stand 
 Just as you have it. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 That's my view exactly. {He turns to go.) 
 
 Young America. 
 Senator ! 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Well, what is it .? 
 
32 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 A moment, Senator. Don't abandon us. 
 I see your talent is invaluable 
 In solving problems — it's miraculous. 
 How even and easily the answer comes ! 
 Before the others get their wits together 
 You cast a column up and carry one, 
 And spread the whole result before my eyes 
 While they stand looking on each other's slates. 
 No, don't protest. Happy similitude ! 
 It takes me back into my childhood days, 
 Before this drunken lodger. Empire, came 
 Into my tenement of quiet thoughts. 
 Would I were free again. Ah, well-a-day ! 
 Once more I must return to tread the wheel 
 Of endless problems. {To the Servant.) What's 
 your business, sir "i 
 
 Servant {giving him a letter). 
 This message to be delivered. 
 
 Young America. 
 My heart forebodes you are an enemy. 
 You bring another problem to be solved. 
 
 Servant. 
 No, sir, a letter from your father-in-law. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 33 
 
 Young America. 
 Take it away. You know I hate the man. 
 
 Servant. 
 But look, sir, here's a card he also sent. 
 The arms, two lions rampant on a shield. 
 And all in gilt the signature, — John Bull. 
 
 Young America. 
 John Bull I 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 What's that ! John Bull 1 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Not John Bull ! 
 
 Servant. 
 Coming, sir. Right at hand. 
 
 Young America. 
 Great Scott ! What does he mean ? What does 
 he want .? 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Perhaps the letter tells. 
 
 Young America. 
 The letter ? That's a fact. Perhaps it does. 
 Now let me see — 
 
34 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 {^He opens the letter and reads it, while the others look 
 071 expectantly ) 
 
 To visit you as a friend, the letter says. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 A happy union ! I predicted it. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 I suggested it. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 I aided it, diplomatically. 
 
 Young America {reading). 
 And congratulate yon, — on what, I wonder. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Congratulations ! Think of that. 
 
 Young America {reading). 
 And once more and forever to be reconciled. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 That's a long time, forever. 
 
 Third Secretary. 
 He means, nine hundred and ninety-nine years. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 
 
 Young America {reading). 
 And help y oil hi reforming the whole world. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 You may need help, you know. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Wonderful news ! 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Oh, say, my friend — 
 
 First Secretary. 
 At last, diplomacy has consummated — 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 The very arcme of our fondest hopes — 
 
 First Secretary. 
 The dream of poets and philosophers — 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Is realized. The advarncement of mankind — 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Whose giant intellects — 
 
 35 
 
2,6 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 With mighty strides — 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Fathomed the depths of human brotherhood — 
 
 Young America {i^eading). 
 And aid you in the East against the Russian. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Oh, happy day ! The world will now advarnce 
 With mighty strides. 
 
 Young America. 
 I don't know. I don't know. It's mystifying, 
 That last proposition, thrown in like a postscript. 
 And then his assistance — that's to be considered. 
 It never happened in my father's time. 
 For then, whenever trouble filled the land, 
 The arm of John Bull was stretched over us 
 In threat, and not in cheer, across the sea. 
 Well, times have changed. Besides, I understand. 
 He also has his troubles in the East. 
 The Russian in his melancholy soul 
 There brooding up among the northern lights 
 Begins to look on China hungrily 
 And stir his tail across the boundary. 
 Now, John, who is already at the feast, — 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 37 
 
 And, like himself (for there is no one else 
 
 To whom to liken him), wants all himself, — 
 
 May seek my aid against his enemy. 
 
 Lying as I do in the Philippines, 
 
 With half my navy in the China sea. 
 
 Is that his scheme ? Well, surely, if it is, 
 
 ril know it by the cunning in his eye. 
 
 I'll watch him close. I'll read his countenance, 
 
 And in this slippery diplomatic game 
 
 I'll put him down twice if he rises once. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 How you misjudge him ! You don't know John Bull. 
 
 Servant {re-entermg). 
 He's coming, sir, — right here. 
 
 Young America. 
 Let me consider, now, what I shall say. 
 
 Servant. 
 He's a nice, affable old gentleman. 
 
 Young America. 
 You've seen him, then } 
 
 Servant. 
 As miich as I could see standing on tiptoe 
 
38 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 And looking through the fashionable throng. 
 
 My eyes ! The whole distinguished company 
 
 Of gentlemen and ladies, one and all, 
 
 Swarm to him like the hive-bees to the queen. 
 
 Hark ! You can hear the hum. — And here they are. 
 
 Enter Mr. Monopoly and John Bull, followed by 
 a great croivd. 
 
 Mr. Monopoly. 
 I am rejoiced once more to reunite 
 
 John Bull {rushing forward and embracing Young 
 America). 
 O my son ! my son ! 
 
 Young America. 
 For God's sake, cousin, loosen your embrace. 
 A little easier, or you'll stifle me. 
 I'm glad to see you ; welcome to my home. 
 There's my hand, cousin — Why, you're shedding tears. 
 
 John Bull. 
 Don't mind poor old John. 
 
 Young America. 
 Confound it, cousin, — where's my handkerchief t 
 It isn't often — but I can't stand this. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 39 
 
 John Bull {weeping). 
 O hoo ! O hoo ! 
 
 Young America {weeping). 
 O hoo ! O hoo ! O hoo ! 
 
 Mr. Monopoly. 
 Now, isn't this affecting, and natural ? 
 And a great help to the market — enough, I think, 
 To float all sorts of odd lots of stocks and bonds. 
 If we had one of those old sacred artists 
 To paint this, I'd give a fortune, duty off. 
 What a scene ! Two cousins, or some such relatives, 
 After long estrangement and a weak market. 
 Become reconciled, to the consternation of the shorts. 
 Shed a few tears, all you in the background. 
 
 John Bull. 
 It's such a long time — O hoo ! 
 
 Young America. 
 O John, it's such a long — O hoo-hoo I 
 
 All. 
 O hoo ! O hoo-hoo ! 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Thank providence for this encharnted hour. 
 
40 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 John Bull. 
 My son, excuse this overflow of joy. 
 It's the 'eart's weakness. There, there, this wont do. 
 But tell me, for I never could explain, 
 Why did your father leave me and my 'ome 
 And break this poor old loving 'eart of mine ? 
 
 Young America. 
 I don't remember, John. 
 
 John Bull. 
 I loved the boy. I always used 'im well. 
 But, never mind. They know my loving 'eart 
 And take advantage of me, all of 'em. 
 Well, well, I'd rather be old honest John 
 Than own the world ; per'aps it's all the same. 
 Come, let me see your face. — Confound my eyes ! 
 Is this my little grandson ? 'Ow you've grown ! 
 Why, you're the tallest man I ever saw. 
 I am the broadest. — What a grand idea ! 
 
 Young America. 
 What is it, John } 
 
 John Bull. 
 By Jingo, what a bloomin' pair we'd make ! 
 Whichever way we pulled, the earth would turn, 
 And we could keep it in the family. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 41 
 
 'Ow good 'twould be, 'ow like the good old times ! 
 
 I've been reforming this 'ere wicked world 
 
 All by myself, my boy, for centuries, 
 
 No one to 'elp me or cry. Well done^ John ! 
 
 But now we'll jog together, you and I, 
 
 And pull evenly and go 'arf and 'arf. 
 
 Young America. 
 Half the expense, you mean ? 
 
 John Bull. 
 The expense ! 
 
 Young America. 
 It's terrible, John, it's simply terrible. 
 There's Filipena, now, whom I'm reforming, — 
 She's in my debt a devilish great sum. 
 And still the money runs a steady stream 
 And no one sees the bottom of the hole. 
 
 John Bull. 
 Tax 'er, my boy, tax 'er ; don't lose a minute. 
 
 Young America. 
 That's it, John, — she objects. 
 
 John Bull. 
 'Ave you tried opium ? 
 
42 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 Not yet, John, but I'm getting desperate. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 He means the opium monopoly 
 In the islands ; we're considering the question 
 And soon will call for bids. 
 
 John Bull. 
 What ! my old friend ! {Seizing him by the hand) 
 God bless you, my old friend. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Oh, your most honorable lord excellency ! 
 I'm sure you flatter me. 
 
 John Bull. 
 Look 'ere, all of you ; 'ere you 'ave a statesman, 
 A real one, a diplomat of Lunnon school, 
 A graduate exponent of the art. 
 Once on a time 'e looked over my shoulder 
 And conned the answers to all my world's problems. 
 I've watched 'im duplicate 'em one by one 
 On this side of the ocean, cunning fellow ! 
 Oh, don't deny it. Confess the opium. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 I confess I saw that answer. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 43 
 
 John Bull. 
 Sharp ! sharp ! And never told any one. 
 
 Young America. 
 How was it, John? 
 
 John Bull. 
 My boy, I solved that problem long ago, 
 In the good old-fashioned manner. At that time 
 I was reforming China, an idol-worshiper. 
 Think of that, will you ! An idol-worshiper ! 
 
 Young America. 
 So she is still, John. 
 
 John Bull. 
 Eh ? Well, I've changed 'er in some other ways. 
 At that time opium was contraband. 
 None of it used, no money made in that. 
 What did I do? 1 opened up the ports 
 And with my cannon let the cargoes in ; 
 And, ever since, I've drawn a revenue 
 Of millions sterling from that trade alone : 
 'Ovv much, I don't remember — a great profit. 
 And then, what pleases me, it's all my own. 
 
 Young America. 
 But — is it — is it right ? 
 
44 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 John Bull. 
 Good God ! you wouldn't divide it with the Russian ! 
 
 Young America. 
 But, John — 
 
 John Bull. 
 Look out for 'im ! I say, look — out — for — 'im ! 
 'E's sitting up there in Siberia, 
 Planning to slide down some day into China 
 And fatten up like me. Just think of that ! 
 But 'e never shall, eh ? Shall 'e } We won't let 'im. 
 
 Young America. 
 But, John — 
 
 John Bull. 
 Don't be afraid. I'll 'elp you. 
 
 Young America. 
 But I'm not sure — 
 
 John Bull. 
 My boy, consider the advantages. 
 Think of the Philippines. There's money in 'em. 
 
 Young America. 
 I know it to my cost. I put it there. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 45 
 
 John Bull. 
 I mean, there's money to be be got out of 'em. 
 
 Young America. 
 Oh, John, if only they returned a half ! 
 
 John Bull. 
 And that's not all ; that's only the beginning. 
 In India, Egypt, and South Africa 
 (For I take that, and you the Philippines — 
 According to agreement, — 'arf and 'arf), 
 I find a way of turning pence to punds. 
 
 Young America. 
 But, John, it's not the money. 
 
 John Bull. 
 . No, but it will be. We'll reform 'em all. 
 We'll cancel with the future all the past, 
 And in the new account we'll enter. Friends. 
 
 Young America. 
 Of course ; but, I say, John — 
 
 John Bull. 
 And allies. 
 
46 YOUNG AMERICA 
 
 Young America. 
 In — in doing good. 
 
 John Bull. 
 Bless your soul, boy, d'you think we'd harm our- 
 selves 1 
 
 Young America. 
 No, but, John — 
 
 John Bull. 
 Give me your 'and. Of all things in the world 
 It's doing good as most delights my 'eart, 
 It's 'elping friends as tickles old John Bull. 
 
 (John Bull and Young America sJiake hands. All 
 the company shake hands zvith John Bull ; with 
 Young America ; with each other ; and the com- 
 pact for reforming the zvJiole world is ratified) 
 
INTERLUDE, 
 
 Dost thou imagine, O America, 
 
 This loved dominion that outspreads so far, 
 
 This state and dignity, are all thine own ? 
 Hast thou recorded what thy title is ? 
 Art thou the owner of the edifice, 
 
 Or art thou tenant to a Power unknown ? 
 
 Who first the bosom of the waters rent ? 
 
 Who heaped this length and breadth of continent 
 
 And bottomed it betwixt the raging seas ? 
 Who poured this wealth of Nature through the land ? 
 Who hoarded it untouched by human hand 
 
 Down the procession of the centuries ? 
 
 Who smoothed the ocean to the Mariner ? 
 
 Who wreathed his sails with gently breathing air 
 
 As he crept over the saline abyss ? 
 Who the great purpose to the great soul joined ? 
 Who with success the famed adventure crowned ? 
 
 Who spread the furrow from that land to this ? 
 
 47 
 
48 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Who drew the circle round thine infancy ? 
 Who filled thy breast with valor's high degree 
 
 And Freedom's voice, now sunk in murmurings ? 
 Who lit the flame ? Who fanned the enmities 
 Between the rivals of the narrow seas, 
 
 And freed thee by the jealousy of kings ? 
 
 Yea, step by step the Lord thy strength has been. 
 He wrapped thee from the enmity of men 
 
 In the deep mystery that His might enshrouds. 
 He gave thee to His ministers to keep, 
 The angels that the empyrean sweep 
 
 And tread upon the trestle of the clouds. 
 
 Three hundred years that watch whose duty is 
 Has led thy footsteps through the wilderness. 
 
 In safety journeying over wastes unknown. 
 Oh, what ingratitude, what wayward pride. 
 Has turned thee from that heavenly path aside 
 
 And tempted thee to seek the earthly crown ? 
 
 Oh, shun the darkness ere the day is spent ! 
 No refuge is, no safety, no content. 
 
 No comfort, but the everlasting Word. 
 Behold, thou tread' st upon a precipice ! 
 To look down is to fall in the abyss. 
 
 Look upward, oh, look upward to the Lord. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 49 
 
 Enter Senator Jingo and other Senators, Secre- 
 taries, etc., passing through. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Yes, sir, it's almost the millennium — 
 Every one happy and contented and prosperous ; 
 At least I know I am. How is it with you ? 
 
 First Senator. 
 The same, exactly. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 And you } 
 
 Second Senator. 
 I feel just the same way. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 And all the rest — is it the same with you ? 
 
 All. 
 Yes, yes, yes. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 Well, that's the way it goes. It's wonderful 
 What general prosperity there is. 
 And yet there are people still, those argitators, 
 Who keep on grumbling and muttering, like thunder 
 
50 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 After a storm. It's just preposterous. 
 They weary me and every one but themselves, 
 I'm sure of that ; the world's all right as it is, 
 Or else it wouldn't be so. That's my argument. 
 
 First Senator. 
 And plain enough to any one but a heathen. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 It's the arbsolute truth, and it's good logic. 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Sounds religious. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 Almost proverbial. 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 And effective on the stump. 
 
 Senator Jingo. 
 You think so ? 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 I'll tell you why. I accompanied the Colonel, 
 As you all know, on his swing around the circle 
 Through the provinces, a vote-prospecting tour. 
 We made speeches everywhere, to every one ; 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 51 
 
 And I thought sure the proper thing to do — 
 And so I did myself — was to controvert 
 And argue down our opponents' arguments. 
 A mistake ! A waste of time ! I see it now. 
 After all, there is a reason why some men 
 Are presidents, and others secretaries. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 Eh? 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 It's a fact. The Colonel far surpassed me. 
 
 Senator Jingo 
 He advarnced better arguments ? 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 Not an argument, not one. 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 Solid facts .? 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 No, he contradicted 'em. 
 
 First .Senator. 
 New ideas .? 
 
 Second Senator. 
 Come, you know better than that. 
 
52 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 First Secretary. 
 Jokes, perhaps. 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 You're all wrong. 
 
 First Senator. 
 I give it up. 
 
 Second Senator. ^ 
 Come, now, what was it ? 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 Proverbs ! 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 Nonsense ! They're too easy. 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 So easy no one ever valued them 
 Until the Colonel came and seized them all. 
 Such as — Be good and y 021 II be strong ; be strong 
 And you'll be good ; oh, be both good and strong. 
 And so on, wisely, ad infinitnm. 
 It harvests the votes, too, you must all admit. 
 The agitators might outargue arguments, 
 Outquote statistics, or outjoke the jokes, 
 But try as they will they can't down the proverbs. 
 They're grown into the world and can't be pulled out. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 53 
 
 Second Secretary. 
 If that's the case, perhaps some other man — 
 
 Second Senator. 
 Oh, pshaw ! 
 
 Fifth Secretary. 
 Too late ! He's claimed 'em all. {Exit all) 
 
 Young America [e^itering). 
 Senator ! — 
 Well, let them pass. It's nothing, after all. 
 Ah ! here's a quiet corner. I'll sit down 
 And rest awhile. Never in all the world 
 Was any man so shaken by the hand, 
 Clapped on the shoulder, patted on the back, 
 As I am in these last millennial days. 
 It's wonderful, it's really wonderful. 
 John Bull declares I'm his adopted son, 
 The Kaiser claims me for a bosom friend, 
 And I'm dearer than a brother to the Czar. 
 Even the Sultan smiles a social smile. 
 In fact it almost seems the brotherhood 
 
 A Voice. 
 Of evil. 
 
 Young America. 
 
 Of man. — Who said, of evil f Who's mocking me t 
 
54 
 
 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 That rascally doorkeeper. {//<? opens the door.) Hello ! 
 Who's here ? 
 
 Doorkeeper {commg forward). 
 What is it, sir ? 
 
 Young America. 
 Did you call, just now ? Did you say anything ? 
 
 Doorkeeper. 
 Not a word ; no, sir. 
 
 Young America {closing the door). 
 Nonsense ; it was my imagination. 
 And yet once in a while that same idea 
 Has overcast my fancy like a shadow 
 And vanished in the passing of a thought. 
 The reason is, I've been completely raddled 
 With entertaining my distinguished guests. 
 Not such poor subjects of necessity 
 As sought our bounty in the olden times, 
 But royal nabobs, princes of the blood. 
 Stay ! There's a memorandum I forgot. 
 Let me recall now, for remembrance' sake, 
 How many toasts and liquid sentiments 
 Were passed between me and the German prince. 
 The Emperor^ that's one. The Navy, two. 
 The Army, three. The fourth was — let me see 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 55 
 
 (The Doorkeeper throws open the doors.) 
 
 Ho ! close the doors and leave me to myself. 
 I've sat down for a nap. 
 
 Doorkeeper. 
 They're coming, sir. 
 
 Young America. 
 Who 're coming — who } 
 
 Doorkeeper. 
 Miss Empire's train, the whole great company. 
 
 Young America. 
 Ah ! I remember. There's a ball to-night 
 In celebration of my wife's return 
 With Filipena in triumphant state. 
 I'm dreaming awake : I might as well have slept. 
 
 Enter Miss Empire, attended by a Waiting-maid 
 and a Page, escorted by Soldiers dragging Fili- 
 pena, and folloived by Colonel Gorgon, Senator 
 Jingo, Secretaries, Senators, and a great rethiue. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 What ! Not yet ready ! 
 
56 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 Ready for what, my dear ? 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Why, for what should you be ready, pray tell me. 
 But for the ball, the imperial ball to-night .? 
 
 Young America. 
 I'm not going, my dear. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 How absurd ! Of course you're going. 
 
 Young America. 
 
 I'm too tired. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 You try my temper. How exasperating ! 
 You know we have distinguished company 
 At the rout to-night ; no princes, more's the pity. 
 I do long for a prince. But never mind. 
 There's some consolation — a duke or two, 
 And another count, besides the ambassadors. 
 
 Young America. 
 No princes, you say ? 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 57 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 No princes, you know. 
 
 Young America, 
 Why, lately I can hardly keep the score 
 Of princes, which are out and which are in. 
 They come uncounted ; almost every week 
 The ocean heaves a new prince into port, 
 To be feted, and paraded in the streets, 
 And shaken by the hand. First, there's the Ger- 
 man 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Oh, don't recall it ; pray don't mention that. 
 It makes me miserable, the very thought. 
 And in my absence, too, all unprepared 
 For such an honor, and yourself untrained 
 In the etiquette of royal personages. 
 Without our servants, too, — our Porta Rica 
 Really the only one presentable ; 
 Our Filipena not yet pacified. 
 And Guam in the sulks — wasn't it terrible t 
 I blush at recollection. And you yourself 
 So free and easy, not to say provincial, 
 In manners. After all my admonitions 
 And warnings what to do and what to say 
 In the conjuncture of a prince's visit. 
 What did you call him ? Oh, horrors ! " Mr. Prince " ! 
 
58 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 I deny it. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 You did, you know you did ; every one knows 
 The whole affair, all the particulars. 
 And such familiarity — it was shameful. 
 Where is the book of etiquette I gave you ? 
 And the Peerage, too, and the Court-manual ? — 
 Thrown in the corner, while you read the papers 
 From morning till night, and study politics. 
 Politics indeed ! A shameful waste of time. 
 Diplomacy alone is honorable. 
 You should be entered in the world's melee, 
 Mining and countermining governments. 
 Courting alliances, and struggling hard 
 To win more servants. Look how I'm attended. 
 Only one waiting-maid, a simple creature, 
 And, for a page, this urchin of a boy. 
 
 Young America. 
 They seem well enough. (He timis to tJie Waiting- 
 maid.) What's your name, my girl } 
 
 Waiting-maid. 
 I got no name. 
 
 Young America. 
 But who are you } 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 59 
 
 Waiting-maid. 
 Nobody. 
 
 Young America. 
 But what do people call you ? 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Tell him at once, I warn you. 
 
 Waiting-maid. 
 Before I knew you, in my Spanish days, 
 When I was humble servant to the Don, 
 I had a name of my own, Porta Rica. 
 A very good one, you say ; perhaps it was. 
 And so unusual how it came to pass 
 The way I lost it ; when I hear the war. 
 And the great guns go Boom ! over the sea, 
 I ran away from the Don and came to meet you. 
 Truly I thought to keep the name I had 
 Or get another one, Americana. 
 
 Jesu ! What mistake I surely was ! 
 
 1 lost the name I had and gets no other, 
 
 But when they wants me they says. Come here^ nigger. 
 
 Young America. 
 The Supreme Court must furnish you a name. 
 
 Waiting-maid. 
 What you call judges } They says I hasn't any. 
 
6o YOUNG AMKRICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 The Administration, then. 
 
 Waiting-maid. 
 They says I ean't have any. 
 
 Young America. 
 Poor creature. 
 
 Wajting-maid. 
 Am I never liave a name ? 
 
 Youn(} America. 
 I'm sure I don't see how. [7\> Miss Empire.] This 
 little fellow 
 Who holds your train up surely has a name. 
 
 Officer (^pricking the Page ivitJi his sword). 
 Tell us your name. 
 
 Page. 
 Ow! 
 
 Young America. 
 
 That's a strange name. Come, boy, tell me again. 
 
 Soldier {pricking the Page with his bayonet). 
 Tell him your name. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 6i 
 
 Page. 
 
 Oh-o-o ! 
 
 Young America. 
 Hold on, there ! Put up your bayonet. 
 I sec he is some sort of foreigner, 
 Who hasn't learned the language. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Oh, you don't know him, the most obstinate, 
 Impudent, worthless, lazy little rascal 
 In the two hemispheres; his name is Guam. 
 He might be useful, I thought, as a page. 
 And serve to hold up the imperial train 
 Of Spain's long robe, now on my shoulders worn. 
 You've heard his name. I sent an officer 
 And detail of marines to bring him here, 
 Which they accomplished after much delay 
 And a long chase. He ran off to the hills 
 And got drunk, so they say, with the marines. 
 All the reports are so inebriated 
 I hardly know. At least, I punished him, 
 
 YouNc; America. 
 Poor little fellow ! He wanted to keep warm. 
 
 Miss P^MPIRE. 
 
 Have you been drinking ? Plow ridiculous ! 
 
62 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 No, no, my dear, but some people, in some places — 
 
 First Soldier. 
 He lives in the South sea, Cap'n. 
 
 Second Soldier. 
 And hotter than the devil. 
 
 Third Soldier. 
 We drink there to keep cool. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Be still, all of you ! Stand back in your ranks ; 
 And let me say I shall not long endure 
 These volunteers as soldiers of my guard. 
 Soldiers indeed ! Mere bagatelle and trash. 
 They stare at me, and speak before they're spoken to, 
 And tread upon my train with their brogans. 
 It's too vexatious, just intolerable. 
 Where are my hundred thousand regulars ? 
 A long time raising and drilling, I declare. 
 
 Young America (aside). 
 A long time drawing pay, too, I declare. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Where are my hundred thousand men, I ask you. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 63 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 O Dios ! 
 
 Young America. 
 What's that ! A voice ? 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 O Jesu ! 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Be quiet, Filipena. 
 
 Officer. 
 If she speaks again, give her the bayonet. 
 
 Secretary. 
 No, no, not in this presence. 
 Just knock her on the head with the Constitution. 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 O santa Madre ! 
 
 Young America. 
 Is it possible ? Can this be Filipena ? 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Answer him, girl. 
 
64 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 Who would have thought it ? What a wretched 
 creature ! 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Answer him, I say. 
 
 Young America. 
 Poor thing I She's starved and wasted to the bone. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Pray make her answer, Colonel. 
 
 Officer. 
 Attention ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Look up, here, Filipena, and answer me. 
 You know me, who I am, — the Colonel. 
 
 Filipena. 
 Senor, I know you much. Why not I know ? 
 You very great talker, you cure the disease 
 And kill no patient — ain't that what you say ? 
 Cure me that way ? Oh, no. These two, free years 
 Have you pursue me with a gun to kill, 
 And plague and fever and starvation gone. 
 You sabe that ? Some great monopoly 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 65 
 
 Is for your treatment ; a poor wretch like me, 
 No good that medicine, that cure, — it kill. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Nonsense ; your ignorance exceeds belief. 
 You're not mistreated ; you're assimilated 
 And blest with Uberty beneath our rule. 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 Ah, buonos ! Libertad ! 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Yes, liberty ; we grant you liberty, 
 And all exacted of you in return 
 Is prompt obedience and gratitude. 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 I hate-a you ! 
 
 Young America. 
 Confound the vixen ! What a spiteful temper ! 
 I marvel how she ever was subdued 
 And captured, anyway. 
 
 War Correspondent {coming forward). 
 Say, I can tell you how the feat was done. 
 I was right there on the spot and looking on. 
 
66 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 My dear fellow, I've met you before. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Yes, once before. Colonel. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 In Cuba. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 The very place. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 I'll warrant you did something wonderful. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Well, I belonged to the newspaper brigade 
 That followed the Rough Riders to the war, 
 And through it all as nobly fought for them 
 As they did for their country. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 My friend, I honor you. 
 Though providence does not to you assign 
 The wild charge and the shout of victory, 
 Yet who more useful in their country's cause 
 Than the reporters who stand behind the line 
 And with mere numbers affright the enemy ? 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 67 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Colonel, your compliment quite overwhelms me. 
 
 Young America. 
 No doubt, but tell me — you're certain you were 
 there ? 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 The first man on the spot. 
 
 Young America. 
 I mean, when she was captured. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Exactly ; I saw it all. 
 
 Young America. 
 Then tell me the whole story. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 From the beginning ? 
 
 Young America. 
 The whole adventure, mind you, egg and bird. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Why, you've heard that before. 
 
68 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Young America. 
 But not the details, the particulars. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Ahem! 
 Far from the valleys and the rolling hills, 
 The Kansan plains in veil of vapor clad ; 
 Far from the murmur of his native shore 
 And the last ripple of the Golden Horn ; 
 Transported to the tropic wilderness, 
 In breathless silence crouching in the brake, 
 His heart distended, filled with high resolve. 
 Undaunted, with his good sword in its sheath, 
 Thus Fustian, like an eagle in the swamp, 
 Lay all that night, with eyes that never slept. 
 
 Young America. 
 Hold on there ! Whom was he hiding from .? 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Well, you must know, our army for two years 
 Had trodden down the island east and west. 
 And north and south, and over coast to coast. 
 We swept the jungle, burned the villages. 
 Trampled the crops, slaughtered the animals. 
 Seized ammunition, arms, necessities 
 Of all kinds ; in fact, we changed the island 
 Into a sort of howling wilderness. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 69 
 
 Colonel Gorgon {aside, to Correspondent). 
 The flag ! You've forgotten the flag ! 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 Always victorious ; over all the land 
 The flag of freedom {Applause.) like a comet waved. 
 
 {Great applause.) 
 Thus everywhere we conquered everything ; 
 Yet Filipena baffled our pursuit, 
 Hiding in hills and impenetrable swamps. 
 Only the ground we camped on was our own ; 
 All else she roamed in, vanishing before us 
 And closing up like water in our rear. 
 So the war stood, when Fustian undertook 
 This stratagem — he went and hid himself. 
 
 Colonel Gorgon. 
 Ah, wonderful ! 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 In damp and darkness he watched out the night, 
 Until it seemed about the morning hour. 
 Then he looked forth ; the moon had disappeared ! 
 With cautious circumspection he crept out 
 And reconnoitred — and found her under a cloud. 
 Again he hastily concealed himself 
 And never stirred till morning lit the east. 
 At last it dawned. Admonished by the sun, 
 
70 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 Fustian arose and inward took his way 
 
 Through the deep woods, or by some narrow path 
 
 That trailed off to the mountain fastnesses. 
 
 Rivers he passed, valleys and hills he crossed, 
 
 And presently, about the noonday hour, 
 
 Afar off in the forest he descried 
 
 What seemed a dwelling hidden in the trees. 
 
 Under the plantain and the woven vine. 
 
 And the tall bamboo that sailed over all. 
 
 With cunning skill the nipa-hut was raised ; 
 
 And near it, like a hunted animal 
 
 Beside its hole, had Filipena crept, 
 
 And there lay watchful at the mid-day meal. 
 
 Now Fustian, closely squatted in the swamp, 
 
 Assayed his wits, and soon this plan devised : 
 
 First he laid off his karki uniform 
 
 And donned the native garb ; then he concealed 
 
 His sword behind him, in his right hand held. 
 
 And, like a fearless lion stepping forth, 
 
 He cried out, Amigo ! a friend ! a friend ! 
 
 Straightway she rose and welcomed his approach. 
 
 With friendly salutation he drew near 
 
 And begged a portion of the scant repast. 
 
 A stratagem ! When Filipena turned 
 
 And stooped down to the basket at her feet, 
 
 Quick as a flash he seized her by the hair, 
 
 And, brandishing his sword, with joyful shouts — 
 
 Re-echoed round the world from sea to sea — 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 71 
 
 He dragged her, wailing, to captivity. 
 Heroic man ! The earth's declining years 
 Shake off their weakness, and the fire of fame 
 Once more burns brightly, by a Fustian stirred. 
 
 {Great applause and cries of Bravo I Bravo I) 
 
 Young America. 
 Encore ! The story of my glory swells 
 The further it rolls on. 
 
 War Correspondent. 
 It's all the truth. 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 Come, gentlemen, we tarry here too long. 
 Let us all forward. The reception waits. 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 Oh, let me tell you how that man, that Fustian 
 
 Officer. 
 Silence ! 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 And Jacob Smeet 
 
 Miss Empire. 
 No more delay. Let her be dragged along. 
 
72 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 FiLIPENA. 
 
 O diablo ! How you kill-a me ! 
 
 {Exit all but Young America.) 
 
 Young America {to the Doorkeeper). 
 Make fast the door, and, mind you, my good fellow, 
 Let no one enter or disturb my rest. 
 
 {Exit Doorkeeper. Young America disposes him- 
 self for a 7iap in a chair.) 
 
 Let the reception and the dance swing on 
 Without my presence, for a time, at least. 
 I'm not inured to following the Colonel 
 In this new-fashioned, strenuous style of life 
 He leads me. I must rest between the rounds. 
 
 {He closes his eyes, but opens them again presently.) 
 
 That was a wonderful exploit of Fustian's ! 
 
 {He appears to sleep, but starts np again.) 
 
 There ! I forgot to ask the Senator 
 Why all our servants are dissatisfied. 
 I'd like to know. {He takes ont his note-book.) 
 
 Mem. — To ask the Senator 
 
 And yet, he always answers, All is well. 
 And proves it by a common multiple 
 Called Destiny — old Destiny again ! 
 
 {He replaces his note-book.) 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 73 
 
 Now all my cares are lifted from my mind. 
 
 My duty's done ; my spirit walks in peace. {He sleeps.) 
 
 The form of Old America appears and speaks. 
 Awake, my son ! (Young America wakes.) 
 Listen, and speak not ; harken to my tale. 
 I stood at the beginning of the State 
 And viewed the surface where the lines were run, 
 And all my care was, in that thoughtful time. 
 To rear a structure that should long endure, 
 Even to the twelfth hour of this mortal day, 
 Designed in Justice, squared upon the Right, 
 And driven deep on the eternal plan ; 
 Not built in error, as the others were. 
 Nor founded on the shifting centuries. 
 Not in caprice nor fatal vanity 
 Were the foundations of the nation traced 
 When I declared my rights before the world. 
 With anxious diligence I searched the Past, 
 And that I might not share the others' fate. 
 Or chase their faults, or stumble where they fell, 
 I summoned up the tyrannies of old 
 And passed the dead of ages in review. 
 Once more, now, ere you enter on the way 
 That knows no turning, I will call them forth. 
 Cast down your eyes into the lov/er hall.' 
 Fix your glance there; — Thou Guardian of time. 
 Whirl the wheel backward ; bring the greatest first. 
 
74 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 {The Shadows begin to pass over.) 
 
 These are the monarchies that chaos claims, — 
 That perished in the darkness ere the dawn 
 And left no light. These others shifting by 
 Are those with records written in the dust. 
 These that come next, the nations that shall pass 
 Before your eyes, their warning to unfold. 
 
 {Enter the Athenians.) 
 
 And look ! the spirit of old Greece appears ; 
 Famed Athens, with her islands of the blest, 
 A mother with her children at her knee. 
 This was the giver of the laurel-wreath, 
 The least in numbers, greatest in renown, 
 Whose mighty sequel you yourself may be 
 In her great error. Mark how Athens fell. 
 
 {Enter the Athenian Captives, in chains) 
 
 Stretched round the enemy, at Syracuse, 
 Far from her home, was half her army lost, 
 And all in shame and sorrow, all in tears. 
 With covered face she bent beneath the blow, 
 And never lifted up her weeping eyes 
 Or showed her gladness to the world again. 
 Oh, happy falls the soldier with his friends 
 On his loved soil, in boast of Liberty ! 
 Happy his end, but bitter is the death 
 By insolence and folly beckoned on. 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 75 
 
 Those islands swimming in the China sea, 
 Two thousand leagues to leeward of your course, 
 Swept round with storms and melted in the sun, 
 Fit only for their swarthy islanders, — 
 Those islands you have seized on for your prize. 
 Late purchased by your independence lost, 
 And held by sufferance of the other Powers, 
 Might warn you of the fate of Greece of old. 
 The long arm is the weak arm. Oh ! beware 
 Lest in the closing circle you are caught, 
 And such a wailing rises in the land 
 As tore the heart of Athens long ago. 
 
 {They pass. Enter the Roman Legions.) 
 
 Departed is the glory of her time. 
 And in her place the mighty Roman stands. 
 Thus, in the uncorrupted commonwealth, 
 Marched forth her armies ; thus, at their return, 
 Poured back into the people and were lost. 
 This was her well of life, and while it flowed 
 Pure ran her waters. There, beside her stream, 
 The Romans flourished, and their climbing town 
 Unfolded on the sempiternal hills. 
 There the law reigned, for justice to themselves. 
 Oh, such the error, the hiatus, was ! 
 Justice to others from their code was lost. 
 Main lightness ; in unbalanced pride they fell. 
 
76 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 {Enter the Pretorians, bearing afi Emperor in 
 their midst.) 
 And look ! here were the monster emperors spawned 
 Who worked their ruin, in this stagnant pool, 
 Rome's standing army, the Pretorian guard. 
 O you who laughed a little time ago 
 That but a hundred thousand should be feared 
 Among a people reckoned like the stars. 
 Where millions over millions hold their lights 
 And shine uncounted up the heights of heaven, 
 Behold ! this band — that wore the might of Rome 
 And strayed at large over her liberties. 
 Set up and trampled down, cried Ay and Nay 
 To the wide world — was forty thousand men ! 
 Sometimes so mighty is the feather's weight. 
 So light the scale of swaying good and ill. 
 
 ( They pass. Enter Mahomet and the Arabians.) 
 
 This dusty horde that holds a martial way 
 Before your eyes — these the Arabians, 
 Who flashed like sudden lightning in the sky 
 And poured on Europe like a summer showen 
 The vulgar conqueror, by greed possessed, 
 Battles for boundaries and fertile lands 
 And much rejoices in his realm of earth. 
 Not so the Arabian dreamer ; he designed 
 To lord it over all the ridden world 
 And cast his empire like a floating rein 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 77 
 
 Over the conscience and the souls of men, — 
 His Koran thus preceded by the sword 
 And followed by the sword, as you of late 
 After this fashion seek to win the world 
 And stamp all people over in your mould. 
 Oh, vain ambition of the conqueror ! 
 Go forth and toil against the rising tide, 
 Or seek to sway the planets from their spheres, 
 And you shall sooner find your labor's end 
 Than he who forges fetters for the soul 
 And thinks to bind the deathless spirit down. 
 This fruitless wave, sweeping on Europe's shore. 
 Leaves but a wreck upon the Hellespont, 
 While all the rest, and all the world that climbs 
 To glory, has the Galilean won. 
 Thus shines in triumph the unconquered Word. 
 Thus great example, working night and day. 
 Makes time its servant and outwears the sword. 
 
 (They pass. Enter the Spaniards.) 
 
 These sullen columns — with a waving hand 
 I tell them to you, for you know them well, 
 And well they know you. The beginning was 
 Of their great empire as you see it now, 
 In many marching men ; their end you saw, 
 Of all the world, in ruin where they lay 
 Off Santiago when the sun went down ; 
 And all their history that lies between, 
 
 LofC. 
 
78 YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 And all their conquests, on an evil page 
 
 Are written with an ever-damning pen. 
 
 This is the Spain that reached out with her hand 
 
 To grasp at everything, yet nothing held ; 
 
 For when her face was turned, upon her back 
 
 Her subjects in a mutiny arose, 
 
 And one by one the pillars of her throne. 
 
 As fade the clouds in morning, fell away, 
 
 Till you, in glory armed like Nemesis, 
 
 Like Nemesis well nigh invulnerable. 
 
 Made a short end and cast her from her isles, 
 
 Leaving her, like the wolves in winter time. 
 
 With nothing but herself to prey upon. 
 
 And then — when all the world was looking up 
 
 To copy you — and then you copied Spain ! 
 
 Exchanged your freedom for her tyranny. 
 
 Threw down the weapons that had won the fight 
 
 And seized upon the weapons that had failed. 
 
 Oh, turn back to the highway whence you strayed ! 
 
 Let Freedom hght the islands of the East 
 
 And trim her lamp along the Great Antilles, 
 
 That noble constellation of the sea ; 
 
 The solitaries like a planet's course. 
 
 The shining headlands like a milky way. 
 
 And even the nebula of coral reefs, — 
 
 Oh, let them, like a strain on many strings. 
 
 Be mingled in the Western harmony. 
 
 {They pass) 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 79 
 
 But hark ! 
 
 The rolling of another drum I hear, 
 And the quick falling of unnumbered feet 
 Under the banners of Napoleon ! 
 
 {Enter Napoleon and his Guard.) 
 
 Well may I speak of empire's certain course, 
 
 Its rise, its full sway, and its fatal end, 
 
 For I with all the world stood wondering by 
 
 When great Napoleon ran his race for fame. 
 
 With acclamation winning over fear 
 
 I hailed the fortunes of his early years. 
 
 When Freedom, like a whirlwind at his back, 
 
 Bore him from victory to victory, 
 
 Till, standing at the parting of the way, 
 
 He held in hand two opportunities, 
 
 Virtue's sole greatness — and a golden crown. 
 
 Alas ! the ambition of his restless mind 
 
 Chose the nobility of metal made, 
 
 And in his folly brought an empire forth. 
 
 Look how the clouds that gather to a storm 
 
 Roll over east and west and bridge the heavens ; 
 
 So rose his empire ; like the clouds it fell. 
 
 Under a clap of thunder he rushed forth. 
 
 Raged with the tempest, and, when all was done, 
 
 The rain still dripping, under a sad sky, 
 
 His penance o'er, on St. Helena died. 
 
 Thus lightly to humanity was lost 
 
8o YOUNG AMERICA IN THE 
 
 A spirit of the Ages' laboring birth, 
 
 And in the travail of the world brought forth, 
 
 Armed with the bolts that might have ruled the storm 
 
 And all that time reveals in Nature's plan 
 
 Of genius shaped in squares and troops of men. 
 
 ( They pass. Enter the Puritans.) 
 
 Oh, worthy scene amid this show of ill ! 
 The Pilgrim journeying with the Puritan, 
 Ere the wide ocean washed them far apart 
 And contrary winds wafted them contrary. 
 
 {Enter the Independents.) 
 
 These were the builders of the Commonwealth, 
 
 Who wrought the eminence of England's name 
 
 And pitched the high note of her worthiness. 
 
 For Liberty, that outcast among men. 
 
 They lived, they suffered, and they preached the Word ; 
 
 For this their armies camped upon the field ; 
 
 For this they wrestled with a faithless age ; 
 
 For this they raised a voice in terror heard 
 
 Above the clamor of the world's debate. 
 
 Too high the aim, too noble the conceit, 
 
 Oh, too unselfish for the after-times. 
 
 Weary of well doing, in an evil hour 
 
 Their children yielded to the royal yoke 
 
 And from their high endeavor fell away. 
 
 Upon the ruins of the Commonwealth 
 
HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS 8i 
 
 They set an idol up, The Lord of Trade ^ 
 And stretched an empire over land and sea. 
 Oh, not for all time was that lease ins,cribed ! 
 Over their heads continual thunders break 
 And roll in menace of impending storms. 
 Their fortunes on the unstable waves are tossed. 
 Somewhat less proudly floats the Royal George ; 
 Signs of distress upon the decks appear, 
 And at the masthead trails the union down. 
 
 {They pass. The Shadows disappear.) 
 
 No more. The shades of empire pass away 
 Into the gloom. So they the darkness chose 
 And hght forsook ; even so in darkness fell. 
 Yet you, in turn, — the last hope of the line, — 
 Heedless of all, walk down the beaten path 
 They made in passing to the precipice. 
 By the beginning may the end be known. 
 
 Now over all your northern boundary 
 The lapse of autumn brings the waning day, 
 And the first blast of winter rushes down 
 Across the hills. All night the earth has rocked ; 
 All night the fury of the north wind blown 
 Has in its snowy mantle wrapped the ground. 
 On the new face of Nature nothing stirs 
 Nor traces on its sheet ; the fox alone 
 Runs o'er the drifts, and in the trackless snow 
 
82 YOUNG AMERICA 
 
 First leaves a trail. So let this fatal line 
 
 Stretch out across your mind ; naught else be there. 
 
 All that the world in the great Day-book writes, 
 The passions and the follies of the hour, 
 The hopes, the loves, the fears, the miseries, 
 Alas ! the joys too slight a crediting, 
 But selfishness entered in many names 
 And the account of evil overdrawn — 
 Oh, pause and meditate these many ills 
 Before you fill up your allotted page 
 And blot your future with calamity. 
 Turn back, turn back into the canceled leaves 
 And read the record that is written there. 
 Look how the empires of the world have passed 
 Under the lightning in the wrathful Hand. 
 A nation built like them must fall like them. 
 And fallen never rise again. Farewell. 
 
 {The form of Old America disappeaj's.)