4525 B35S4- No. LXXIX. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. THE SERIOUS FAMILY IN THREE ACTS BY MORIilS BARNEfTT. WITH THE STAUE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARAC- TERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH, ^ 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) HODOgrapL FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA Price 15 Cents eacla.— Bound Volumes $1. VOL. 1. 1 Ion 2 Fazio 3 The Lady of Lyons 4, Richelieu 5 The Wife 6 The Honeymoon 7 The School for Scandal 8 Money VOL. II. 9 The Stranger 10 Grandfather AVhitehead 11 Richard HI 13 Love's Sacrifice 13 The Gamester 14 A Cure for the Heartache 15 The Hunchback 16 Doa Csesar de Bazan VOL. III. 17 The Poor Gentleman 18 Hamlet 19 Charles II 20 Venice Preserved 31 Pizarro 22 The Love Chase 23 Othello 24 Lend me Five Shillings VOL. IV. 25 Virginius 26 King of the Commons 27 London Assurance 28 The Rent Day 29 Two Gentlemen of Verona 30 The Jealous Wife 31 The Rivals 32 Perfection VOL. V. [Debts 33 A New Way to Pay Old 34 Look Before You Leap 35 King John 36 Nervous Man 37 Damon and Pythias 38 Clandestine Marriago 39 William Tell 40 Day after the Wedding VOL. VI. 41 Speed the Plough 42 Romeo and Juliet 43 Feudal Times 44 Charles the Twelfth 45 The Bridal 46 The Follies of a >-ight 47 Iron Chest [ Fair Lady 43 Faint Heart Never Won VOL. VII. 49 Road to Ruin 50 Macbeth 61 Temper 52 Rvadne 53 Bertram 54 The Duenna 55 Much Ado About NotUng 56 The Critio VOL. VIII. 57 The Apostate 58 Twelfth Night 59 Brutus 60 Simpson & Co 61 Merchant of Venice 62 Old Heads & Young Hearts 63 Mountaineers [riage 64 Three Weeks after Mar VOL. IX. 6.1 Lore 66 As You Like It 67 The Elder Brother 63 Werner 69Gisii pus 70 Town and Country 71 King Lear 72 Blue Devils VOL. X. 73 Henry VTII 74 Married and Single 75 Henry IV 76 Paul Pry 77 Guy Mannering 78 Sweethearts and Wives 79 Perious Family 80 She Stoops to Conquer VOL. XI. 81 Julius Csesar 82 Vicar of Wakefield 83 I, cap Year 8t The Catspaw 85 The Passiug Cloud 85 Drunkard 87 Rob Roy 83 George Barnwell VOL. XII. 89 Ingomar 9J Sketches in India 91 Two Friends 92 Jane Shore 93 Corsican Brothers 94 Mind vour own Business 9j Writing on the Wall 96 Heir at Law VOL. XIII. 97 Soldier's Daughter 98 Douglas 99 Marco Spada 100 Nature's Nobleman 101 Sardanapalus 102 Civilization 103 The Robbers 104 Katharine and Petruchio VOL. XIV. 105 Game of Love 106 Midsummer Night' 107 Ernestine [Dream 103 R^g Picker of Paris 109 Flying Dutchman no Hypocrite 111 Therese 112 La Tour de Neslo VOL. XV. 113 Ireland As It Is 114 Sea of Ice i 15 Seven Clerks 116 Game of Life 117 Forty Thieves 118 Bryan Boroihme 119 Romance and Reality 120 Ugolino * VOL. XVI. 121 The Tempest 122 The Pilot 123 Carpenter of Rouen 124 King' s Rival 125 Little Treasure 126 Dombey and Son 127 Parents and Guardians 138 Jewess VOL. XVII 129 Camille 130 Married Life 131 Wenlock of Wenlock 132 Rose of Ettrickvale 133 David Copperfield 134 Aline, or the Rose of 135 Pauline [KiUaruey 136 Jane Eyre VOL. XVIII. 137 Night and Morning l38iEthiop 139 Three Guardsmen 140 Tom Cringle 141 Henriette, the Forsaken 142 Eustache Baudin 143 Ernest Maltravers 144 Bold Dragoons VOL. XIX. 145 Dred, or the Dismal I Swamp 146 Last Days of Pompeii 147 Esmeralda 143 Peter Wilkins 149 Ben the Boatswain 150 Jonathan Bradford 151 Retribution 152 Minerall VOL. XX, 153 French Spv 1 j4 Wept of Wish-ton Wish 155 Evil Genius 1.^6 Ben Bolt 157 Sailor of France 158 Red Mask 159 Life of an Actress 160 Wedding Day VOL. XXI. 161 All's Fair in Love 162 Hofer 163 Self 164 Cinderella IGJ Phantom 1C6 Franklin [Moscow 167 The Gunmaker of 163 The Love of a Prince VOL. XXIL 169 Son of the Night 170Rory O'More 171 Golden Eagle 172 Rieuii i'S Broken Sword 174 Rip Van Winkle 175 Isabclle 176 Heart of Mid Lothian VOL. XXIII. 177 Actress of Padua 178 Floating Beacon 179 Bride of Lamermoor 180 Cataract of the Ganges 18i Robber of the Rhine 182 School of Reform 183 Wandering Boys 184Mazeppa VOL. XXIV. 185 Young New York 186 The Victim3 187 Romance after Marriage 183 Brigand 189Poorof New York 190 Ambrose Gwinett 191 Raymond and Agnea 192 Gambler's Fate VOL. XXV. 193 Father and Son 194 Majsaniello 195 Sixteen String Jack 196 Youthful Queen 197 Skeleton Witness 198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 199 Miller and his Men '200 Aladdin VOL. XXVI. 201 Adrienne the Actress 202 Undine •203 Jessie Brown '204 Asraodeus '205 Mormons '206 Blanche of Brandywine 207 Viola 208 Deseret Deserted VOL. XvVn. 209 Americans in Paris 210 VictoFine 211 Wizard of the Wave 212 Castle Spectre 213 Horseshoe Robinson 214 Armand, .Mrs Mowatt 215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 216 Glance at New York VOL. XXVIII. 217 Inconstant 218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 219 Guide to the SUge 220 Veteran 221 Miller of New Jersey 222 Dark Hour before Dawn 223 Midsum'r Night's Dream [Laura Keene's Edition 224 Art and Artifice VOL. XXIX 225 Poor Young Man 226 Ossawaitomie Brown ■227 Pope of Rome 228 Oliver Twist 229 Pauvrette 230 Man in the Iron Mask 231 Knight of Arva 232 Moll Pitcher VOL. XXX. 233 Black Eyed Susan 234 Satan in Paris .35 Rosina Meadows feas 236 West End, or Irish Heir- 237 Six Degrees of Crime 238 The La^y and the Devil 239 Avenger, or Moorof bici- 240 Masks and Faces ) ly (Catalogue continued on third page of cover.) VOL. XXXI. 241 Merry Wives of Windsor 242 Mary's Birthday 243 Shandy Maguire 244 Wild Uats 245 Michael Erie 246 Idiot Witness 247 Willow Copse 248 People's Lawyer VOL. X.XXII. 249 The Boy Martyrs 250 Lucretia Borgia 251 Surgeon of Paris 252 Patrician's Daughter 253 Shoemaker of Toulouse 254 Momentous Qucstinn 255 Love and Loyaltv 256 Robber's Mife VOL. XX.XIII. 257 Dumb Girl of Genua :58 Wreck Ashore ;59 Clari 260 Rural Felicity 261 Wallace '2G2 Madelaine 263 The Fireman 264 Grist to the MUl VOL. XXXIV. 265 Two Loves and a Life 266 Annie Blake 257 Steward 268 Cap-ain Kyd 269 Nick of the Woods 270 Marble Heart 271 Second Love 272 Dream at Sea VOL. XXXV. 273 Breach of Promise 274 Review 275 Lady of the Lake 276 Still Water Kun3 Deep 277 The Scholar 273 Helping Hands 279 Faust and Marguerite 280 Last Man VOL. XXXVI. 281 Belle's Strata^^em 232 Old and Youug '283 Raffaella 234 Ruth Oakley •285 IJritish Slave 236 A Life's Ransom '287 Giralda 288 Time Tries All VOL. XXXVII. 289 Ella Rosenburg 290 Warlock of the Glen 291 Zelina 292 Beatrice 293 Neighbor Jackwood •^ 294 Wonder 295 Robert Emmet 296 Green Bushes VOL. XXXVIII. 297 Flowers of the Forest •293 A Bachelor of Arts 299 The Midnight Banquet 300 Husband of an Hour 301 Loves Labor Lost 302 Naiad Queen .'503 Caprice 304 Cradle of Liberty VOL. XXXIX. .105 The Lost Ship 306 Country Squire 307 Fraud and its Victims 308 Putnam ■;09 King and Deserter 310 La Fiammina 311 A Hard Struggle 312 Gwiunette Vaughaa VOL. XL. 313 The Love Knot [Judge 314 Lavater, or Not a Bad 315 The N'oble Heart 316 Coriolanus 317 The Winter's Tale 8 Eveleen Wilson 3l9Ivanhoe Jonathan In England RE^JCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. No. LXXIX. THE SERIOUS FAMILY. IN THREE ACTS. BY MORRIS BARNETT friTH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF OHARAOTBIli, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. NEW YORK: 8 A M TJ E F. K K E N C H. 122 Na88A0 8trkst, .Uk Stairs.) CAST OF CHARACTERS. Haymarket, 1849. Burton'$, N. r.,1341^ Charles Torrens Mr. Webster. Mr. C. W. Clarke. Captain Murphy Maffuire.. " J. Wallack. •♦ Eroughaiu. Frank Vincent " H. Vandenhoff ♦' S. Leach. Aminadab Sleek •' Buckstone. " Burton. Danvera •• Coe. " Wise. .Servant " Vox. Chtesta Lady Sowerby Creamly .... Mrs. W. Clifford. Mrs. Hughes. Mrs. Charles Torrent Miss Reynolds. " Russell. Emma Torrens Mrs. L. S. Buckingham. Miss J. Hill. Mrs. Ormsby Delmame " Fitzwilliam. •* Chapmao. Graliam " Caalfield. " Alderman. Ladies COSTUMES. MR. CHARLES TORRENS.— Black frock coat, black waistcoat, gray troiMfi fecund drsss: Black dress coat, black trousers, white waistcoat, dress hat. CAPTAIN MURPHY MAGDIRE.— Blue paletot, waistcoat and trousers. Suom4 , dress: Blue dress coat, waistcoat, and trousers. Third dress: Black dreM coal and velvet waistcoat. \ TKk^K VINCENT — ^Topcoat. Second dress : Dress suit. MR. AMINADAB SLEEK.— Gray suit. DAN VERS— Drab livery. SERVANTS.-Drab livery. GUESTS.-Dress suits. LADY SOWERBY CREAMLY.— Slate silk dress, white cap and apron. MRS. CHARLES TORRENS.— Gray silk dress. Seesnd dress: White ball drcH. MISS EMMA TORRENS White muslin, with blue silk jacket. Second drem: Scarlet gauze ball dress. MRS. ORMSBY DELMAINE— Puce velvet dress. Second dress: Blue gauM ball dress. GRAHAM.— Green De Laine dress, with pink apron. LADIES.— Ball dresses, various. EXITS AND ENTRANCES. R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left. Doors 8. £. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door, RELATIVE POSITIONS. B. means Right; L. Left; C. Centre; R. 0. Right of Ctntrtf L. C. Left of Centre. QiFT EST. OF J. H. CORNi'NG JUNE 20. 1940 EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. ♦* The Serious Family '*^ is a free translation of a French comedy entitled " Un Mari en Campaigne*' (A Husband in the Country,) which has been exceedingly popular in Paris for some months ; also in Germany, where it has been paraphrased ; and in England, at the Haymarket Theatre, whers its popularity exceeded the attraction of Macready or the Keans in their best characters. In America, its performance, at present, has been confined to Burton's Theatre, where its run has exceeded that of any other piece of the present day. It is extremely well played in all its parts at this popular house, and may be adduced «8 a fair specimen of modern comedy. THL SERIOUS FAMILY. ACT I. Scene I. — A drawing room, soberly hut suhstantially fur nished. At the rising of the curtain are discovered, seated at the table, r., covered with paper Sy Lady Creamly, Mr. Aminadab Sleek, and Mrs. Charles ToRRENs. Torrens, at table, l., as Secretary^ with pen in handy dozing. All are dressed in the most formal manner. Sleek. [Reading in a puritanical tone.] " We appeal to the disciples of true benevolence, and doers of good deeds, without distinction of politics, or party ; — we call an all to come forward in the great work of enlarged and universal civilisation." Hem ! What think you of that, my lady ? Itady G. These words give comfort to every fainting and world-worn spirit, good Mr. Aminadab Sleek. [ To Charles.] Write them down, my son. I protest he'g asleep ! The spirit is willing but — Sleek. But it sleepeth. Mrs. T. [Crosses to Charles.] Charles, what a shame to fall asleep at so sublime a passage ! Charles. Oh, dear, where was I ? [Reading.] " Like a Lion it roareth for its prey. " — " Benevolence and Charity." I have it. Forgive me. Lady Creamly and pious Mr. Aminadab Sleek : the fact is, between labor and watching, 1 lose a little of my rest, and nature will have her revenge. That will do for to-day, I hope. [All rise and come forward. 8 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [ACT 1. Sleek. We are all then decided on making this appeal. We will establish a deputation in every parish — the peti- tions are in course of preparation ; — and I trust I may be , permitted to accompany your ladyship, and my philan- thropic young friend, in their charitable round. Lady C. Too happy, Mr. Aminadab Sleek, to bo guided by your voice and encouraged by your presence — but we hope that another and a tenderer tie will soon bring our families more closely together. Your nephew, that pattern of special grace, that paragon of model propriety, will, before long, obtain the hand — SleeJc. [Aside.] And the fortune — Lady C. And the worldly goods of our dear Emma, the sister of our son-in-law. Mrs. T. And a happy girl Emma will be. What a gracious dispensation has been worked in her behalf ! Had we never met Mr. Aminadab Sleek, we should still be on the brink of the precipice of vanity — but the great work will be now perfected, by the union of his nephew and Emma. Lady C. Yes, beloved child, but let us not forget the important duty we have in hand. At twelve to-morrow morning we meet ; our son-in-law will read to our assembled friends his address of benevolence, and then — Charles. [Aside.] At twelve to-morrow morning. I had rather have had a day's shooting. Enter 'Emma, l. d., fashionably dressed. Emma. [Crosses to Mrs. Torrens.] Oh, dear ! oh, dear! such capital news ! he's come ! he's come ! Lady C. Well ! Miss Hoyden Mrs. T. How can you be so giddy, Emma; don't you Bee Mr. Aminadab Sleek, the mirror of piety — the charapion of — hem ! — the ciiampion of — hem ! [Emma salutes profoundly Mr. Sleek and Lady Crcamly, who regards her disdainfully. Charles. [Aside.] Very pleasant all this ; but I'll have a day's shooting, in spite of them. Emma, Oh, Charles, he's come — yonr old friend — the friend of all the family. I caught a glimpse as he gave bis card lo Danvers, and I ran to tell you. fcKKE I] THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 9 Enter Servant, he presents card to Charles, Mrs. Torrent takes it, and hands it t€ Lady Crcamly, who passes it to Sleek, who reads aloud. Sleek. " Captain Murphy Maguire." Charles. Maguire ! my old friend Murphy — the best fellow in the world ! — show him in, Danvers. Lady C. A little moderation, son-in-law. Shall we, Mr. Sleek 1 Shall we, my child 1 Sleek. A captain, and an Irishman ! — um Lady C. A libertine ! Charles. [Aside.] A fellow after my own heart. [Aloud.] He might have been so formerly, but he is now changed. He belongs to a serious regiment. All. Oh ! [Lady Creamly, Mr. Sleek, and Mrs. Torrens, bow gravely to each other. Lady C. Admit him. Emma. How happy I am! I was a child when he saw me last, and I am now — Lady C. Still a child ; you will please retire to your chamber — no remonstrance. Mrs. T. Go, child ! [Exit Emma, l. d., impatiently. Lady C. Receive your visitor, Mr. Charles Torrens. [ Charles comes forward, the others retire to tables, ana appear much occupied with the various papers. Enter Captain Maguike, c. Capt. My dear Charles ! Charles. [In his natural manner.] What, Maguire !— my old friend! [Shakes his hand violently; the party at the back look on with contemptuous astonishment.] Why, it's an age since I have seen you ! Capt. Yes, my dear boy, an absence of four years — Calcutta — West Indies — capital station — glorious cigars and whiskey toddy — a little tanned, eh 1 the steam of the gold has spoiled the natural brilliancy of my com- plexion. Charles. Still the same — the same gay, rollicking, sound- hearted old fellow ! Not married % Capt. What me ! bound in the rosy bonds of that young fibber paddy Cupid ? No, thank heaven ! 10 THE SERIOUS FAMILY [i| ,» 1 Lady C. ) Mrs. T. ^ Oh!! [Groaning. Sleek. ) Charles. [Aside to him.] Softly, softy, old fellow. [Resumes his starched manner.] Permit mo, Captain Murphy Maguire, to present you to Mrs. Charles Torrens, the part- ner of my present joys and future hopes. Eve, my dearest, allow me to present you to my oldest and best friend, Captain Murphy Maguire. [Mrs. Torrens hows coldly, hut graciously, Capt. I am delighted to make your acquaintance. [Grosses to her.] Charley and I are old friends — I rejoice at his good fortune 1 Charley, your wife's a first-rate angel. You'll excuse my freedom, madam, but what I think I say. [Mrs. Torrens smiles and appears pleased ; Sleek and Lady Creamly exchange doleful glances. Lady C. [Aside to Mrs. Torrens.] Don't answer him. Sleek. [Aside.] A profligate I Capt. You're a lucky villain, Charley ! — what eyes ! like a general illumination I — what a shape ! she's a model for a Venus ! All. Oh! ! [Groaning. Charles. [Pulling Mm hy the coat.] What the devil are you about? Capt. [Looking with astonishment at him, and the formal faces at the table.] What's the damage, and what have I done, and what have I said ? You're wife is a beauty, and what I think I say ! Why, you're not jealous, Charley 1 But, where is Emma — my little Emma — the little rosebud ? Lady C. [Rising, and bowing sti^y.] Miss Torrens, sir, is with her governess in the library. Capt. Upon my honor, I meant no offence. I should have said Miss Torrens; but Charles and I are such old friends, and have seen such roaring times together, and— Charles. [Interrupting.] My mother-in-law. Captain Murphy Maguire, Lady Sovi^erby Creamly. Capt. [Bows very low.] I have the honor. [ Crosses to her ] Very proud, I assure you — Charley's friends are mine. Lady C. [ With cold disdain.] You overwhelm me with the weight of the honor. [ Takes a book and reads, Capt. [Aside to Charles.] The old dromedary in the gcBNB l.J THE SERIOUS FAMIt /. 11 |)epper and salt is the father-in-law, 1 suppose. A trifle the worse for wear, but the heart is in the righ! place, 1 hope Charles. [Aside.] Pull up, old fellow ! That's Mr. Amina- dab Sleek,perpetualmemberofthe borough of Solemncolly, and a great gun at Exeter Hall. \ Aloud.] Captain Maguire, this is my excellent and mo.st worthy ally, Mr. Aminadab Sleek, the especial friend of this family — the friend of the poor — the friend of all the world — [Aside.] — who give good dinners, and have rich daughteis to marry. [Crosses to l. [Sleek hows sloivly ; M(Jguire runs up^ and shakes hiin heartily by the hand. Capt. Delighted to make your acquaintance, sir. Oh, we shall be the best friends in the world ; only wait till I get you snugly seated before a steaming jug of whiskey- punch, and behind a full-flavored havannah, and I'll be bound to take vhe wrinkles out of you. Sleek. ) Lady G. > Oh ! ! [Groaning. Mrs. T. S Capt. Well, Charley, here I am, and here I mean to stay. [Sits l. of tahle.] I have a week's leave of absence, and so I thought I'd run up and see my old friends. I Bay, old fellow, you are well tiled in. I suppose you've a room where we can sling a hammock. With your leave, ladies, what I think I say. Lady C. Sir ! Mrs. T. Certainly. [All rise and come forward. Charles. [Embarrassed.] Oh ! cerlainly. Capt. 1 couldn't think for a moment, Charley, of stop- ping at an hotel, while you have a house in town ; we have so much to say — to talk over old times, you sinner ! Oh ! don't be alarmed, ladies ; a reformed rake always makes a good husband, and Charley, certainly, was the devil's own boy ! Mrs. T. My husband a rake ! Lady C. Impossible ! Capt. I have brought you, Charley, a case of regalias that would make the Queen of Spain's mouth water. I know you of old, you robber! — a dozen a-day ! Charles. Be quiet ! will you 1 [Pulling him by the coat, Capt. What's the matter] — [Lady Creamly, Mrs. 12 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [ACT 1 Torrens, and Sleek exchange looks.] — One can have a bit of luncheon, I suppose, a sandwich, or the wing of a cold fowl; the air of this September morning has made me as hungry as an ostrich. Charles. Certainly. Eve, my dear, luncheon for Cap. tain Maguire. Capt. Have you any of the old Madeira left 1 Eh ! Charley, boy, we remember the time, how we used to punish that same Madeira; but we're all changed. I am getting old, and you are married. The Madeira is older, too, and that's a compensation. Lady C. [Crosses to r.c] Captain Murphy Maguire, I am loth to interfere, but my son-in-law neither smokes nor drinks Madeira. A cigar is his aversion, and he has taken the pledge. Capt. The what! Sleek. Yes ; he has taken the pledge, and got a medal. Cliarles. [Aside.] I have, the deuce take it; but I'll have my revenge. A day's shooting — a first-rate regalia — and a bottle of the old sort. [Aloud.] Yes, Captain Maguire, you will find me a changed man. I learned from Mr. Sleek that all pleasure is vanity, and all drinking vexation of spirit; and from Lady Creamly, that with sorrow and sighs, the world passes pleasantly enough. [Moregaily, and crosses to c.J Still we must get our luncheon. Let me go. Lady C. Let me remind you, Mr. Torrens, that ten copies more of the circular must be written out; and that you have promised to assist Mr. Aminadab Sleek. [ 2\) Captain.] I will take care, sir, that you are comfortably served. [ To Mrs. Torrens.] Come, my child ] Capt. Really, I give you too much trouble. I am quite in despair. [Lady Creamly salutes him most deeply. He bows; Charles groans ; and Mrs. Torrens smiles for an instant y and then assumes her formal manner. Lady C. Come, my child ! [Exit Lady Creamly, with Mrs. 'Torrens, c, Charles. [Forgetting that Sleek remains.] They're off, and now for it ! Capt. (l.) Charley, your wife is elegant. She's a darling creature ; but I don't know how it is — are you happy in your home ? there seems every now and again a sort of Scene 1 j THE SERIOUS FAMILY. IS dingy cloud coming over the natural sunsline of your nature. Your wife's charming ! Ah ! now I recollect — Sir Charles Creamly was your guardian ; you married his daughter ; and thus settled his accounts, Ck'irles. The truth is, I married because my guardian so arranged it. I lead a life — but never mind. I am in for it. The fact is. my wife is a little too grave. She belongs to what is styled a serious family. Ca/H. A fellow like you marrying into a serious family ! ha! ha! that's beautiful. [Sl^ek groans.] Oh! murther, what have I said 1 Charles. [ Changing his tone.] Yes, Captain Maguire, we are all serious here. Capt. But you may be too serious. A charming crea- ture, like Mrs. Torrens, should be seen driving a pony- chaise in the Parks, or dispensing the rays of her beauty from the opera-box. And at your time of life, Charley, this gravity is infernal folly. Get out of it — cast it from you. Would you grow old before your time ? Bad luck to your sober-sided, muddy-minded people ! I hate your Caiitwell's ! Am I not right, Mr. Sleek 1 [Crosses and slaps Sleek on the hack. Charles. [Aside.] His lines have fallen in pleasant places — Cantwell, indeed ! Capt. He musn't lock up his wife ; the young creature will mope herself to death. — You are of my opinion, ar'nt you, sir ] Sleek. [Down c] Um ! They say that bachelors* wives, and maidens' children are always well managed. Pray, are you entered into the moral estate of wedlock, Captain 1 Capt. No. [Changing his manner, as though annoyed by an «»- pleasant re?niniscence. Sleek. Nor engaged 1 Capt. No; I've been infernally jilted by the greatest rascal of a coquette that ever was sent into the world to plague the heart out of a man — a woman I loved better a thousand times than my own life. Sleek. Um ! You have been jilted 1 Capt. Your're right there, Mr. Sleek ; but, as I couldu't call her out, I took my revenge, -ind went to sea. Sleek. Um ! And the sea has cooled your passion ? 14 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [AcT », Gapt. To be sure it did, Sleek ; and now I hate het more intoleiably than ever I loved her. Sleek. Um ♦ No danoer of a relapse ? Capt. Not a bit of it, Sleek ; for to save myself from the one, I make love to twenty. And I've come to London to take a round of dissipation ; and, for that reason, I stay with my old friend — for he knows every spot on the cards. Eh ! Charley, my boy, we'll have a roaring time of it. Enter Servant, c. Ser. Luncheon, sir. Capt. That's your sort — faith, Tm as hungry as a hunter ! Come, Charley. [He is having the room, followed by Charles, hut the latter is stopped by Lady Creamly and Mrs. Tor- rens, who enter at the same time, "Lady C. One moment, Mr. Torrens — [Captain followt the Servant.] — you will take these letters to the directors; and return in half-an-bour, as we want to arrange a visiting for this evening? Charles. Certainly, Lady Creamly. [Aside.] I'll have a day's shooting, [Exit c. Sleek [Crosses to c] At last we have a moment to our- selves, dear ladies. Unpleasant consequences will arise from this unexpected visit. Lady C. What an acquaintance for my son-in-law ! Sleek. A perfect Absalom ! Mrs. T. Well- looking and gentlemanlike, but evidently too much attached to the wicked world. Lady C. A libertine ! Sleek. That's not all, dear ladies. Let him be profli- gate as he pleases, and we shall strive for his conversion ; but he is in love with a coquette, by whom he has been deceived. Mrs. T. Poor young man ! Sleek. And obliged to visit the metiopolis, he is deter- mined to console himself for an unfortunate passion by going through an extended circle of dissipation ; in short, he is about to visit his old haunts of vice and sorrow, and for this he seeks in this virtuous mansion, he says, the former companion of his sinful pleasures, It suffices to turn my blood to verjuice. acEKE 1] TELE SERIOI S FAMILY. 15 Lady C. The wretched person I Mrs. T. And my Charles the former companion of hig pleasures ! — a lamb ! — an angel of goodness ! — a man who never leaves his own home, except for a day's shoot- ing. Then, certainly, he is not to be controlled — once the coveys are out, my husband will not stay at home. Sleek. He always is after the coveys ! But what is to be done ? Lady C. [ To Mrs. T.] Child, all this is your fault — yes, your fault — your want of firmness and decision. [Nods to Sleek. Sleek. Yes, certainly, honored madam, it is all your fault. Lady C. When the abominable man said he was come to take up his quarters here, you should have recollected that there was not one room unoccupied. Mrs. T. What ! a friend of my husband's ! — a gentle- man that Charles is always speaking of, and whom he so well received ! Lady C No matter ; the presence of a libertine will compromise all our reputations. Your rooms should have been all occupied. Mrs. T. But dear mamma, the truth — [Crosses to c. Lady C. Ah, my dear, the truth, when it is useful to be told — Sleek. My honored friend is right; all depends on circumstances. We make a great distinction betweea saying what is not and not saying what is, according to the object and intentions — this is high morality. Lady C And in this case our object is to rescue my Bon-in-law from the society of a person — Sleek. Whose example and perfidious counsels would open an abyss before him. Mrs. T. Oh, Lady Creamly ! Lady C. Bad example is dangerous — Sleek. And the human heart so weak, my honored friend. You hear that it is the intention of this person again to seek the acquaintance of those friends, from whose pernicious example you have withdrawn the hus- band of your bosom. He is so weak he would again bo led astray, and — Lady C. And then — Mrs. T. My poor Charles ! But T certainly shall not 16 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [Acr \ permit a stranger, a peisoii entirely u'aknown, to coma and lead him away from his good habitfi. But what is f- be done 1 what plan can be devised] Aid me with your counsels. Sleek. It is almost too late. Ladi/ C. The only plan I can suggest is to request this person politely to go — politely — about his business — Sleek. Politely. Mrs. T. I understand you ; but how is that to be done 1 I could not dare attempt it. If you, my dear mamma, would take it upon yourself. Lady C. Impossible, my child ; it would look like dic- tating to you in your own house. Sleek. That is very true. Mrs. T. Well, then, Mr. Sleek, you will do it. It will add to the obligations we already owe you. Sleek. Excuse me ; these Hibernians are of such explosive natures, that it is quite possible he might forget m.y size, and the respect due to it. Mr. Torrens himself would be the proper person. Lady C. No, that cannot be; they must not meet ; and to make the matter more sure, we will send Charles for a few days in the country. Mrs. T. He goes too often already, mamma. Lady C. That is the wisest plan ; and in the mean time, we will adopt a coolness of manner towards this intruder, which will make him more circumspect, and give him no inclination to remain in a house where the principles of those in it are so different from his own. [Capt. Maguire speaks without. Sleek. Ha ! here he comes, the sinful man of sanguin- ary war ! Enter Captain Maguire, c. down r. Capt. Upon my faith, your substantial hospitality lays me under infinite obligation. Bette*- port I never tasted. Lady C. [Crosses to Maguire, austerely. \ Captain Murphy Maguire, I have important orders to give, and am on the point of — [Exity bowing very stiffly ^ c. Capt. \Looks astonished, hut bows profoundly in return. He then turns to Mrs. Torrens.] Then to -"^ou, my dear madam, the wife of my old friend — •CIWK I.] THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 17 Mrs. T. Following Lady C, and lowing in the most precise manner.] You must also excuse me. Captain Ma- guire ; I shall be too late for the meeting. [Exit. Capt. [Looks more amazed, hut hows to the ground^ then turning to Sleeky goes up to him and offers his hand in a cordial style.] Well, Mr. Sleek, the ladies appear to be monstrously engaged ; the pleasure of entertaining me is reserved for you. Sleek, (r.) [ Taking out his watch.] Excuse, me, sir, I have not an instant to lose. The meeting cannot com- mence without me. [Looks angrily at Maguire, and exit, c. Capt. What the devil does all this mean ? Oh, if that's the case, there's not a word to be said. Does it mean the cold shoulder? Is it to cut me they mean 1 But I'll not believe it — it's impossible, and what's impossible is not in nature. Oh, Charles Torrens, wife, and family, wouldn't be capable of behaving so shabbily to his old friend. Wait awhile. Captain Murphy Maguire, and syl- logize a bit. This is a serious family. There's the old lady, as stiff as a ramrod, and as grey as an overall. Mr. Sleek, a shuffling, canting old robber; and the pretty Mrs. Torrens, with her sweet face, charming air, and saint-like look ; and then Charley himself, instead of the free-hearted, devil-may-care fellow 1 knew him at college, has become as solemn and demure as a volume of " The Pilgrim's Progress." There is a mystery in all this, which must be unraveled ! ^MMA peeps on. Emma. He is quite a.lone. [Runs in.] Ah, dear Captain Maguire ! Capt. [Not recognizing her.] On my faith, I am greatly flattered by your recollection, but really — Emma. What, don't you know your old playmate, Emma 1 Capt. Is it possible ! You, the darling little Emmy that I left a child, and who now, I must say, is a very charming young lady? Emma. [Pouting.] No, I am not a charming young lady ; I am a very disagreeable, unhappy creature. * I am sure I am very ugly. 18 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. £ACT i Capt. Oh, miss, don't be profane ! Emma. They say crying makes one ugiy, End I weep all day long. Cai^t. Come, dear Emmy, you must confide all your little sorrows to your old friend. Rmma. Yes ; but if they heard me — if Lady Creamly knew that 1 was here ] Capt. Look up, and you'll never be cast down. Don't tremble; am I not at your side] — your old friend; and besides, there's your brother Charles. Come now, tell me what's the matter, and what is going on in this house. [ Tlity sit Emma. There is nothing going on, and that makes it so miserable. Day follows day, and are all the same ; no pleasure, no balls, no horticultural fetes, no opera — always Bermons and scoldings. I am moped to death. Capt. Oh, 1 understand, Lady Creamly is a strict disci- plinarian? Emma. Oh, horribly severe. Capt. But Mrs. Torrens, your sister-in-law, who is young, and appears mightily amiable? Einiiia. Oh, 1 am sure, I do not say she would not be so, if my brother Charles were to act differently ; but all he thinks of is to accompany Lady Creamly on her seri- ous visits, or read some charitable circular to his wife. Capt. Oh, oh ! 1 see where the wind blows. Charles was never famous for strength of mind, or firmness of purpose, and he gives way rather than have domestic dissensions. Emma. But the best of it is, whenever he is what they call backsliding, they send him out of town, and he seenjs delighted ; and then I am left all alone. Capt. But that won't last long — you are sure to marry. Emma. No, that's the worst of it, they won't let me marry — that is to say, to the man of my choice — your old acquaintance, Frank Vincent — but they want to trump up a marriage with a nephew of Mr. Aminidab Sleek — Capt. What, a nephew of Mr. Aminadab Sleek 1 [ They rise, Einma. Whom I detest frcm the bottom of my heart. Capt. Sure your brother will never suffer that ? Emma. Oh, my brother counts for nothing in this Scene I.] THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 19 house. The fact is, they have forbidden Frank to come here, and I am sure he is dying, if not dead. [Sobbing, Capt. Nonsense, darling, you are both of you too young for dying. Cheer up, and let us see if we cannot restore your brother to common sense, and have you mar- ried to Frank Vincent, in spite of Lady Creamly, and that old pepper-and-salt dromedary, Sleek. Enter Charles, gaily, down c. Charles, Thank the fates, it's over! I have been bored to death with their hypocrisy and cant. And now, oU fellow, what's, to be done, and where are we to begin 1 Capt. Before we commence our campaigning frolic, I have something serious to say to you. My old young friend, Emma, has been letting a little daylight into the family secrets ; and I find that you are not actually the master of your own house — and that you are peaceably led by the nose by your mother-in-law, and that drome- dary, old Sleek, without a snort or a kick. Charles. It's all very well talking — anything for a quiet life. I did make a determined stand at first, but they attacked me in front and on both flanks, and I was glad ultimately to yield at discretion. The only consolation 1 have is, that I get away every now and then, and have a day's shooting. Capt. That's all very well as far as yourself is concern- ed, but what becomes of our sweet friend, Emmy, here, who you allow to be sacrificed to the canting son of a thief of that greedy old rhinoceros, Aminadab Sleek because you haven't the decent courage to say no ? Charles. Sacrificed ! Why, it's an excellent match ; and this is the first time I have heard that Emma dislikes him. Emma. I hate and abominate him, and nothing but force shall ever make me consent to the match. Capt. That's right, my little Caesar, stick to your colors like a little hero, as you are. [To Charles.] And over and above, there is a large lump vif an attachment to another, and that other is none other than Frank Vincent — ah ! now don't blush, Emma ! — and a smart boy is that same Frank Vincent. Come, Charley, you must be a man, and stand up for youi- sister's rights. 20 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. fAcT 1 Charles. I have no objection, I am Emma's guardian^ and if she says no, her inclination shall not be constrained. But I have had a hard card to play; and if you knew what an obdurate person Lady Creamly is, and what in- fluence she has on my wife — why, the very sound of her voice frightens ma ! [A voice is heard wU/wut.\ Damn it ! here she is — stick by me, old fellow ! Emma. Oh, dear ! I must not be caught here — I leave my cause in your hands ! [Runs off l. [ The voice of Mrs. Torrens heard without. Charles. No, heaven be praised! it's my wife; and now, Maguire, I am a man again. Leave me with Eve, and I'll speak to her more roundly than I have ever done. She has an excellent heart, and is attached to me, as well as to Emma. Capt. Stick to that, Charley, boy ! A man should bo master of his own house, and a good wife have no other wish than his. Don't spare powder, and the victory's your own. Charles. Yes, that's very true, but if my mother-in- law — Capt. Don't be chicken-hearted ; and in order to leave you* a fair field, I'll retreat. [Enter Mrs. Torrens down R. c. To her.] At your feet, madam. [Boivs, and exits c. Charles. [Aside.] He's right — very right! Why should I be affraid 1 Atrer all, 'tis but a woman, and that woman my wife. And if it be true that Emma detests old Sleek's nephew, why should she be forced to marry him ! Mrs. T. [Aside.] Since my mother assures me that the presence of Captain Maguire is dangerous to my husband, he certainly shall leave. Charles. My dear Eve ! Mrs. T. My dear Charles ! Charles. I am overjoyed to see you, fori wish to speak tc you on a very important affair. Mrs. T. That's just what I have to do with you ; and I fear what I have to say will annoy you a little. Charles. That's just the case with what I have to say; but when it concerns the happiness cf — Mrs. T. You are perfectly right. Charles. And then »{ c understand each other so well. SCBKE I] THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 21 Mrs. T. [Aside.] I think 1 may safely speak. [Place i chair 9x Charles. [Preparing to spea/c] Eve, dear — Mrs. T. My dear Charles, you know how necessary it is in married life for people to understand each other — Charles. Certainly. Mrs. T. And many things that appear strange at first, are perfectly clear when you come to explain them — Charles. Just what 1 was but now remarking to Cap- tain Maguire. Mrs. T. Maguire, my love? Why, he can have no idea — Charles. Indeed he has; and it was even he who suggested me to speak to you. Mrs. T. That is very strange, for really we were at a loss how to break the subject to him. Charles. Oh, as to that, he is perfectly well informed ; md 1 really do not think, after what has passed, that we 3an give Emma to Mr. Sleek's nephew. Do you, my love? Mrs. T. That's not our aflfair, Charles: mamma will arrange all that with Mr. Sleek. But I do hope that you will make Captain Maguire understand that — Charles. Oh, as to Maguire, he's the best fellow in the world, he will refuse me nothing. Mrs. T. In that case our difficulties are all over. You have merely to tell him that instead of taking up his quarters here, he will go to Long's, where I have no doubt he will be quite at his ease. Charles. What ? turn Maguire out of doors I An old friend— [Rises Mrs. T. A libertine. Charles. A capital fellow. Mrs. T, But my reputation, Mr. Torrens. Is it fit that a character like Captain Maguire should live under the same roof with your wife 1 Charles. Oh, lord ! oh, lord ! [Puts chairs hack. Mrs. T. Fie, Charles; and besides, the thing is im- possible. You are going out of town ; it is settled vou are to have several days' shooting. Charles. [Eagerly.] Am I going out of town? And when has this been settled, my dear ? 2? THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [AcT I. Mrs. T. Why, my mother and Mr. Sleek have talked the thing over, and they find that the easiest way of arranging the matter. Charles. Oh, that's quite a different affair. Now I begin to understand you — if I am to go into the country— Mrs. T. Why, you seem quite excited ! One would almost say you were glad to leave us. Charles. Oh, no, my love ; I am only thinking how ad- mirably my absence will get you out of this dilemma. Mrs. T. Then you will" go to-day ] Charles. To-day! \ Aside.] Capital! Mrs. T. Yes, let it be to-day. Charles. The sooner the better. Mrs. T. The better ] Charles. Why, yes, dear, yes; mamma can say to Maguire what I could not, and my absence would be ail excuse for everything. Enter Lady Creamly and Sleek, c. Mrs. T. I am glad you are come, dear mamma ; you have no idea how reasonable Charles is. Sleek. \Aside.\ Reasonable with a T. Lady C. It is better late than never ; and 1 cannot understand why Mr. Torrens should ever hesitate, even for a moment, to follow the counsel and advice of those who have only in view his advancement — Sleek. In moral philosophy and utilitarianism. Charles. [Aside.] Another lecture ! [Aloud.] Why, Lady Creamly, as you say, you and Eve mean nothing but my good ; and though it is a little hard that I should be be separated from an old friend, still, as you and utility desire it, I consent. Ladi/ C. You are wise, in this instance ; for it is evident that a young man without the principles of utilitarianism — without morality — Sleek. Addicted to the gilded and evanescent follies of modern go-a-headism — Ladi/ C. Could not remain under our re of without giving public scandal — Sleek. Public scandal ! Mrs T. Oh; mamma! Charles feels all that n>w sensi))!/. HCZVM I.] THE SERfOUS FAMILY. 23 Charles. But how can I send him away ; 1 can never Bumraon up nerve to do so. Lady C. That shall be my pleasing duty. [Captain is heard giving orders. Sleek. Here the champagne anti-peace man comes, [Aside.] I know the effervescing q:ialities. Cap. [ Without.] That wll do, Danvers — take care of my luggage. [Enters.] Here I am, ladies. I never travel with much luggage ; one article is enough for me — mor«» than one is inconvenient, and weighs heavily upon the mind. [ They all bow very gravely y and Charles speaks aside to him. Charles. Don't be offended, old follow, at whatever occurs ; you shall have a note in half an hour at Long^s. \ To ladies.] I fly to obey your orders! Poor Maguire ! [^5zWc.J Vive la liberte ! and a good day's shooting. [Exit c. Lady C. [Stiffly.] Captain Murphy Maguire, Mr. and Mrs. Charles Torrens and I are very much annoyed that a little difficulty has occured, which will prevent us the pleasure of receiving you here. Mrs. T. We are most reluctantly obliged to say — Sleek. Yes, we are most reluctantly obliged to say — Lady C. That there is not a single room disengages ; !the only spare one was yesterday promised to a friend of Mr. Aminadab Sleek. Sleek. Mr. Tarquinius Jumbo, a serious colored gen- tleman from the interior of Africa. Capt. In that case, then, my dear lady, as there is no LadyC. J ^j^y^ ^^^yy_ Capt. I presume you don't want tny company ; and, as I cannot but believe that black isn't white, the only plan left, ladies, under the existing circumstances of the case, is to make a retrograde march back with my luggage to Long's Hotel. Lady C. We are quite in despair. Sleek. In despair — Lady C. At our seeming want of hospitality. Capt. Don't breathe it, ladies — nor groan it, my little patron of Tarquinius Jumbo ; among friends such trifling accidents must be taken in good part. For the present. W THE SERIOUS FAMILY. LAOT 11 [ hay© the pleasure to wish you good day, but I'll call •often, and remain a long while — good day ! Poor Charley! [Exit, hady C. Thank heaven ! it's all over. [Sinks into a sent, using smelling-bottle^ and fanning herself with handkerchief. END OF ACT I. ACT II. ScKNE I.— J. drawing-room, splendidly furnuhed. Dooii R. and L, Enter Mrs. Ormsby Delmaine and Graham, l. d. Mrs. D. Has any reply been sent from Mivart's, Graham 1 Gra. No, ma'am ; Jones has just returned, and says that Mr. Fitz-Foley has not been at Mivart's the last fortnight. Mrs. D. How very odd ! That creature is never to be found when he is wanted. Gra. Don't be uneasy, ma'am ; it's true he's never to be found at his hotel, but then at seven, he never fails to show his handsome face, when invited, Mrs. D. Yes, Graham, he is very handsome, and ex- ceedingly amiable, though at moments his wild merriment runs away with his discretion. I have often thought, since that abominable captain so ungallantly struck hi? colours, that Mr. Fitz-Foley might very well take hif place in my affections. Gra. Indeed, and why not, ma'am? A lady of your charming disposition, and large wealth, has a right to choose; and who better could you choose, than the young, handsome, well-dressed, white gloved, polish-booted, Mr. Fitz-Foley % Law, ma'am ! [As she speaks, voices are keardf that of Charles Torrent predominating. •rcirs I.] THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 25 Charles. [Outside.] Nonsense, that will never do— that will never do ! Ser. [Outside.] But, sir, we are only ten at table. Charles. [ Outside.] Twelve, I say, old Wilson, two dozer of Claret, one of Hock and Moet's Champagne, a dia crction. Gra. There he is, ma'am ; there's his pianoforte voic* ordering; as usual, the best in the cellar. Mrs. D. The monster ! he has never once asked for rae. Enter Charles Torrens, r. dressed in the highest fashion, Charles. That Wilson is positively a Goth of the 'premier force ! My dear Mrs. Ormsby Delmaine, only imagine, he wants to ice the champagne before drawing the corks, the heathen ! Well, dearest widow, you look radiant j if I were a woman, I would poison you. Mrs. T>. [Laughing.] Ever the same superabundant gaiety ; I protest, if you do not get steady, I shall be obliged to close my doors. Charles. My dear Mrs. Delmaine, not a word, or you will drive me to prussic acid, hair triggers, or Waterloo Bridge. Why, if the champagne were not properly iced, your character would be damaged for ever. And moreover, my reputation is at stake to-day, for I have taken the liberty to invite a friend, knowing that any friend of mine will be well received by you. Mrs. D. Is he young, handsome, and clever ? Charles. All three ! Mrs. D. Then he must be a \-ery dangerous young man to introduCiC. Charles. Never mind — one rival more. If I die, let me die of a surfeit. Mrs. D. Where have you been concealed all this time 1 Charles. In Belgium, in France, Vienna, Comome, Moscow, and Egypt. Mrs. D. I have sent twenty times to Mivart's, and you were never to be found. Charles. No wonder ; I was at Constantinople. Mrs. D. No, no such thing ! You were neither in Belgium, France, Vienna, Comorne, Moscow, Egypt, or Constantinople. You were nearer home than that ; for. 26 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [Act II only a few days since, to please some count 'y friends, 1 went to hear the new lecturer in the city, on the subject of universal charity, practically considered ; when, who should I see, but &he gay, fashionable, and all accom- plished Fitz-Foley, listening as demurely as some old Barebones^ and at the end of the lecture, giving his arm with the greatest propriety to an ancient dowager, who looked as if the charitable arguments that had entered her ears would find some difficulty in reaching either her heart or her pocket. Charles. Impossible ; an optical delusion ! Mrs. D. It was a fact, and no optical delusion or illu- sion. Charles. Ah ! now, by-the-bye, I do 1*80011001. I had just left my banker's, and, curiously enough, passing by the place, an old lady fainted, when I chivalrously offered ray arm, and — Mrs. D. Pray don't attempt to excuse yourself; indeed, I like you the better for the wish to be instructed in any act of true benevolence ; and for my own part, thoughtless and volatile as you may think me, it is ever with a feeling of real pleasure that I contribute what I can afford to any desei-ving purpose or object of charity : and to prove it, I am now considenng in what way I can best assist the views of some estimable persona who have to-day favored me with this circular. [Hands him one of his circulars, Charles. [Aside.] Whew ! one of my own circulars ! Extremes meet ! [ To her.] But dear Mrs. Delmaine, at what time is dinner ordered ? Enter Graham, abruptly. Gra. Ma'am, Lady Pompous, Mrs. Culverin Grampus and Admiral Bowsprit are in the drawing-room. Mrs. D. Pray excuse me for a few minutes ; I am sorry to run away from our agreeable tete-a-t^te, but I must go and be amiable to our visitors, as they expect it of me. Oh, what victims we are ! how the real comforts of the heart are obliged to be sacrificed to the exigencies of the world ! I shall expect you to join us without delay. ^Exit Mrs. Delmaine. JCSM£ I.] THE SERIOUS FAMIl Y. 27 Charh^. Graham, I wonder your Jady ia not ashamed to have so handsome a maid. Gra. Lord, sir, how you do talk! [^He puts M$ arm round her waist] Oh, sir, how you are pressing, pae ! You always disremember that Madam is my mistress. [He kisses her. CJiarles. That's for your mistress — thal's for you. Vive lajoie ? Kiss me again, you Venus in a striped muslin ! [At this moment Cajft. Maguire enters. Graham runs out. Capt. " Halves," Charley. Am I awake? Why, what a change has taken place. Ton my word, you're dressed within an inch of your life. Charles. Not a word, my dear fellow ; this is my shoot- ing-dress-^not bad, is it, Maguire 1 Curling-irons and cold cream, " Stultz and style — versus sermons and soda- water, long faces and short glasses. Capt. But where am J ?, I received your note. With whom am I to dine. Qharles. With an angel-^with the dearest, . pret^^est, wittiest, most fascinating widow in the world; a friend of mine, and of all pleasant, dashing fellows like me. The fact is, my dear boy, here 1 am at home. TJiis is my .pre- serve, where I take my day's shooting. Ca^^. And your wife, jigLjQd.;y,our mother-ii^i-l^w— that paragon of perfection ? CJiarles. Hush ! shut sesame ! Not a word ; in this house I am a baphelor; I leave my wife and all my sor- rows in Harley Street. The truth is, Maguire, since I married, I have been a miserable man^that ,is to say, when I am at home. I have no. will of my own; the house is governed by that infernal Aminadab Sleek, and that tigress Lady Creamly. I behaved like an angel the first year ; sighed and groaned, early and late ; escorted my mother-in-law regularly to Exeter Hall ; but every concession made her more arrogant and more exacting It was all in vain ; so I determined to be happy in mj .pwn way. I take an occasional week's absence, undei pretence of visiting our estates in Leicestershire, and when the shooting begins I am selcon^ to he fqund at home. Capt. I perfectly underSitand you. 28 THE*SERIOUS FAMILY [ACT II Charles. Then, Maguire, you know my mother-in-law and ray wife have given up the world ;. the Parks, the Opera, and every place of fashionable resort, is deemed by them as abominations. I keep on my rooms at MivaTi.'fl. I indulge in the society of a few valued friends, such aj my channing widow, and, hitherto, I, have escaped su^ picion or detection. Capt. But, this charming widow 1 Charles. You are sure to fall in love, old fellow ; I have secured you a place by herside at dinner, and when the champagne works, I defy you to resist her fascinations. Capt. Charles, you are an audacious and extx-aordinary fellow. Fortune favours the bold ; but have a care, you are playing a dangerous game for your own peace of mind. Enter Mrs. Delmaine, not aware of the presence of the Captain. Mrs. D. My dear Fitz-Foley, what can keep you here ? — Wilson cannot get on without you. Charles. I fly at your commands. But first let me pre- sent you one of my dearest friends — [Pointing to the Cap- tain^ whose face is averted.] — an unfortunate devil, who, between you and me, is suffering from a violent attack of heart-sickness, and who has come up to London to go through a course of pleasure, which the faculty have pre- scribed as a positive panacea for his peculiar disease. Captain Murphy Maguire — [Mrs. Delmaine starts.] — Mrs. Ormsby Delmaine. [The Captain turns^ recognises her, appears annoyed, hut preserves his composure ; Charles, not perceiving their embarrassment, continues.] There, good people ; in this house there is no ceremony. As for me, I fly to see that the champagne be well iced, and full justice done to Mrs. l)elmaine's preparations. [Exit Charles. Capt. This is a mighty strange accident, madam, that has brought us again together. My friend has taken me quite by surprise. I must own, 1 was not entirely pre- pared for so unexpected a rencontre, with one by whom I have been so shamefully treated. Mrs. D. No, Captain ; 'twas I that was so shamefully treated. Capt. Treated ! Didn't you treat me with indifTorenc© t Bemn I.] THE serious family. 20 Mrs. D. Didn't you harrass me with suspiciona t Gapt. Didn't you cause me to go to seal Mrs. D. Didn't you cause me to think of another CapL And haven't I been trying to do the same to twenty others? Mrs. D. Oh, there, there — we parted with a quarrel, and we meet again in the same pleasant manner — I must say, you're a discontented , 1 was going to make use of a hard word, but I won't. Capt. That's right; triumph in your victory — your levity does not astonish me. You are the same gay, thoughtless, cold-hearted woman of the world as ever. Mrs.'D. And you are the same warm-hearted, hot- headed, well-meaning, but wrong-thinking man of the world as ever. And now let me ask you, for 1 know not what right you have to complain — Capt. Ah, never mind the right — when I have the reason. Mrs. D. And for what reason have you the right to any special consideration from me 1 Capt." Would you have me put down all the items ? Faith, a ream of foolscap wouldn't contain them. Mrs. Ormsby Delraaine, you are an ungrateful woman. Mrs. D. And Captain Murphy Maguire, you are an un- grateful man. I confess, that at one time I was silly enough to feel some esteem for the honesty of your character, and the independence of your mind ; but I soon discovered you to be jealous, and so exacting, that I dreaded to entrust my happiness to your hands. Caft. Her waist is taper, None is completer ; Like the tuneful nine, or the lambs at play; And her two eyes shining, Like rowling diamonds, And her breath as sweet as the flowers of May. ■ m, Mr*, D. But he was surly, And all hurly-burly, When tb »re was no occasion for such display ; The man to please me, Must never teaze me, But be kind and mild as a fine and pleasant Mo ruing in the month of May. ^0 THE SERIOUS FaAiILY. f Act II No, sir, yotirs is not the disposition to suit mine. Your friend, Mr. Fitz-Foley, indeed— Cajpt. I entirely agi-ee v/ith you, that my friend, Mr, 'Fitz-Foley, has a million good qualities — indeed, I may say, first-rate qualities ; but you see mother nature has not cast us in the same elegant mould. Mrs. D. Well, I'm glad to hear you acknowledge his good qualities, and your liberality is a credit to your taste and judgment, and I begin to think ive may at last a^ree in our opinions ; and now, to admit you into my confi- dence, allow me to confess, if ever I should marry again -^mind, I only say " iF' — I will say that Charles Fitz- Foley, from what I have seen of his temper. His manners, and his general character, is j ust the husband that would ■ Suittne. Capt. [Bursting into a laugh,] What! Charles your husband] Oh ! upon my honor, that is' something impos- sible — beyond all possibility 1 v " Mrs. D. Really, sir, I do not comprehend the cause of yonr pleasantry ; Mr. Fitz-Foley possesses all the quali- Capt. Which, of Course, I do not possess. I give you much joy of your choice ; but the bells will hot ring in a hurry for that marriage, I prbmise you. Enter GrAham. Gra. I beg pardon, ma'am, there are two ladies who insist on seeing you. They hive not come to dinner, but say they have something very particular to say to you. ^Exit Graham, ^apt. Then, madam, with your permission, we will resume this interesting discussion after dinner. Fitz- Foley ! — the female deceiver !— a day's shooting ! ha ! ha ! Exit Captain, n. Enter Lady Creamly and Mrs. Torrens, l. Lady C. I hope, madam, yoU will excuse this intrusion, but I believe you are prepared for it by bur circular. Mrs.D. Oh, certainly, madam, and I feel much flattered by the perm-issicin you have accorded to me to contribute to so excellent a \Vork. [Observes Mrs. Torrens.\ Surely 8C£9E 4.| THE SBmOUS FAMILF. 31 I am not mistaken ! Is it my dear schoolfellow, Eve Creamly ? Mrs. T. Is it possible, my dear Harriet ! I heard you were married, but we live so much out of the world that I really did not know to whom. Lady C. So, you, madam, and my daughter are old friends. In that case I will take the liberty of leaving Eve with you for a few minutes, while I go to Lady Dismal, in the Square, who has promised me- a liberal 8u)bscriptiQn, which Mr. Sleek is in waiting to receive. Mrs. D. Do, dear madam, I have a thousand things to Bay to Eve. Lady C. 1 shall return very shortly. [Exii Ludy Creamly, Mrs. D. Well, dear Eve, I am delighted to see you ! Tell me all about your dear self. Are you single or married, and if married, to whom? Mrs. T. Oh, yes ! I am married, and to a most worthy and amiable creature ; a little too fond of the world at first, but now he listens, tharik heaven, to reason. And you, my dear Harriet 1 Mrs. D. I am a widow, child-^that happy, independent being, a widow ! * . " Mrs. T. Ah, Harriet 1 yoi^, were always too fond of the world, Mrs. D. And you. Eve, always too demure, Iremena- ber, when we were school-girls, how you used to sit and mope over some dreary book, while the rest of us were romping, laughing, singing, and enjoying existence, like happy madcaps as we were- Mrs. T. Ah ! I recollect. \Srghing, Mrs. D. Don't look so solemn, dear; miserable people may groan and talk of this ** wicked world," but there are many warm and affectionate hearts in it for all that, and many things to love, and worth loving, too ; and there are beauties of hill, dale, river, and mountain, to which it would be ungrateful to close our eyes. If we have clouds, have we not sunshine ] Then are we always to be solemn and gloomy /? No, my dear, there is more real virtue in kindness, cheerfulness, and goodness of heart than in, all the cold and canting solemnity that was ever Dut on as a mask for selfishness. But to hear, dear Eve, 32 THE SERIOUS lAMILT [Act II that you are happy, give,3 me unalloyed pleasure, Mrs. T. Now, Harriet, tell me the truth ; have you any idea of exchanging your life of boasted liberty for the more reasonable one of wife. Mrs. J). Why, my dear, if I must be candid, I think my boasted liberty is in jeopardy, as I am, at this very moment, persetuted by two men. The one a noble- minded creature, full of heart and jealousy ; the other a" gay, joyous, rattling soul, sent into this world to torment and to teaze me. But one of them, I candidly confess, I intend to have. Enter Captain, r. Capt. Mrs. Delmaine, you are particularly wanted, and I apologize for the liberty of disturbing your tete-d-tete, [Sees Mrs. Torrens.] Oh! murther! Mrs. Torrens ! Mrs. T. Is it possible'^ Captain Murphy Maguire ? Mrs. D. Oh ! good people, as I find you know each other, I can have no difficulty in leaving you ; Eve will do the honors for a few minutes for me. [Exit Mrs. Dehnaine. Capt. [Aside."] There'll be a conflagration ! Pray, Mrs. Torrens, may I take the^liberty to ask you if Mrs. Ormsby Delmaine knows your husband's name % Mrs. T. I'm sure I don't know ; I suppose so. Capt. And may I take the liberty of enquiring what brought you here ? Mrs. T. I came with Lady Creamly. Capt, And your husband 1 Mrs. T. Oh ! Mr. Torrens is in Leicestershire. He has gone down for a few days* shooting. Capt. [Aside.] Oh ! damp powder and spring guns ! Are you quite sure of that 1 Now for a stroke of deli- cate diplomacy ! To speak frankly with you, my dear Mrs. Torrens, would you think it possible that your hus- band has not gone dows to Leicester for a few days* shooting ; but, on the contrary, remains in town to get rid of the domestic tyranny of his mother-in-law, Lady Sowerby Creamly. ^ Mrs. T. Charles not gone ! tyranny 1 Capt. That's the true word ; and be sure, Mrs. ToiTens, all tyranny is the same ; it makes people either hypocritei Qx liars, and, upor. my faith, sometimes both. SCBWE 1 1 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. ^3 Mrs. T Sir, I fulfil all my duties. Capt. Who doubts it, my dear lady ? Not I, upon my faith ! but there is something more than duty in this life ; and a man's home must not be turned into a piison, nor every pleasantry be put down as a crime. Charles Torrens, before his marriage, was a decent-hearted, large-souled fellow, partaking handsomely of the plea- eures of life, and never, I honestly believe, sullying his* mind by its vulgar vices. He was a true gentle- man. And what has he become under serious treatment ? Why, one half the month a hypocritical puritan, and what he is the other half I leave you, Mrs. Torrens, to find out. Mrs. T. But 1 am not to blame. It is not my fault. Copt. Yes, my dear Mrs. Torrens, and it is very much your fault. Oh, I can easily understand it. It's as plain as the Horse Guards. You are an excellent wife but a better daughter, and you sacrifice your husband to your mother. 1 am speaking, perhaps, too freely, but what I think I say. But surely it must have struck you that Charles will seek from home the pleasure he is denied at home. 31rs. T. Oh ! that's quite impossible. Mr. Torrens is incapable of wronging me in so base a manner. [ Torrens is heard singing gaily ^ Mrs. Torrens starts, and the Captain turns aside to conceal his laughter, Charles.' [Outside.^ The coup d^ mil is superb ! Maguire, where are you % [Running in.] My angelic Mrs. Delmaine, come and see if the effect is not magnificent ! [Seeing Mrs. Torrens.] My wife ! Mrs. T. Charles, in the name of common sense, what brings you here, and dressed, too, in this extraordinary manner ] Charles. My dear, I was just going to ask what brings you here 1 Capt. Oh, Mrs. Torrens is come for an answer to the begging letter — I beg pardon, I mean the charity circular. Charles. [Aside.] A capital thought! [Aloud.] And so have I, my love, I have come for Mrs. Delmaine's sub- set iption. Mrs. T. No, Charles, I am injured and deceived t 34 THE sEHTona familt. „ lA in 11 Take me away! [Greatlij agitated:]^! stffle in this house ! ■ ^ [Crosses to R. ' Enter Mrs. Delmaine. Mrs..D. What, going so soon, Mrs. Torrens 1 Mrs. T. [Pointing to her husband.] That wicked man— Mrs. D. Wicked man ! Why, that is one of the gentle- men I spoke of, and I rather think he is the favorite. Mrs. T. My husband ! Your favorite ! Mrs. D. Your husband ! Oh ! [Shrieki, Capt. [Aside, laughing.] Oh ! It's beautiful ! Charles. [Aside?^ I am in for it ! This is a nice day's shooting ! Finter Lady Creamly a7»lain\ I much fear, Captain, Murphy Maguire, you are meddling with m.attei's you do; not understand. Capt. [Also affecting not to understand him.] I am really veiy sorry, it's quite out of my power to oblige you. [Mr. Sleek and Lady Creamly look at each other with astonishment. Lady C. [Aside to Sleek.] There is something a.wful going on here, which I cannot understand. I will leave you to unravel the mystery if you can, and secure Emma as I much fear my son-in-law has some designs on her independence. [Exits R., disdainfully^ not noticivg Mrs. Dehnaine or the Captain. Capt. [Doivn K.] Huzza ! the enemy has beat a retreat without beat of a drum or blast of trumpet. Now Mr. Aminadab Sleek, you are our prisoner; at any rate wo are two to one against you. Do you surrender at dis- cretion ? Mrs. D. Mr. Sleek, have you the discretion to surren- dei-? Capt. I want you to inveigle Lady Creamly — Sleek. I never inveigled any female in my life. Mrs. D. The greater the honor, if you succeed with Lady Creamly. The truth is, that between ycni both you have converted the house of Mr. Torrens into a state prison, and the Captain and I are determined to release him. Capt. Now, sir, in di).uble quick time, or in no time at ^11 — are we to treat you as a friend or an enemy 1 Sleek. It is quite indifferent how I am treated by you j my interests are not of this house, nor of this hemi« sphere. Capt, Of course not ; nor have you any personal interest, except the getting of Miss Torrens's fortune Scrttt l.]^' THE BfiRIOirs FAMILY, 43 into your hands, by marrying her to young Stiaight-hair, your nephew. Sleek. As a worm, I forgive you ; as a irian, I despise your hints and inuendoes. Capt. Make up your pious mind that not a shilling of the young lady's property will pass your iingei*s. Her brother and guardian has already made choice of a hus- band — a decent young fellow, with a live heart in his bosom. And here comes Emma Torftns herself, who, if you should have any ugly doubts on the subject, will clear them up, I dare answer. Enter Emma in a hall'dresSyh, Emma. Captain Maguire, is it not a love of a dress t Do I please you ? Sleek. Heaven preserve me ! what do I see 1 Mrs. D. You are charmingly dressed, and 1 suppose you are ready to accompany Mr. Aminadab Sleek, who is waiting to escort you to his sister. Ernma. I fear, Mr. Sle^k, you will have to make my excuse, as I am engaged to a ball this evening. Sleek. A ball ! an abomination ! Lady Crearaly will put a stop to these wicked mummeries ! Enter Frank Vincent, r. Frank. [Running in.] Captain Maguire, we are all ready. Gunter's people have come with a hamper of silver forks ; there are mountains of cream, and whole lakes of wenham ice; and Jullien, and Kcenig, and the band, are coming up stairs. Sleek. What means this awful outbreak] — the house vill be defiled-! Gapt. We are going to have a bUl to-night. [Sleek groans. Capt. You may stay and dance if you like. Mr. and Mrs. Torrens have resolved, as you will not let them go to the world, to make the world come to them. Sleek. A ball here ! ,oh ! [Groans.] I will go for Lady Creanily, and make you all repent this conduct. Mrs: D. It will be time lost, Mr. Sleek; and I would recommend you to compound with your conscience, as 44 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [Act la you have often done before, and as I have already advised, come over to our side. Sleek. \ To Emmn, bursting with rage.] As for you— Miss — Miss \ — Capi. Softly, Mr. Sleek, the British flag protects Miss Torrens. Sleek. I see there is a conspiracy against us — I will speak to Mrs. Torrens. Emma. No, Mr.''Sleek; my sister is dressing for the ball, she must not be disturbed. Sleek. [Returns much mortified, and puis on his hat.] I will go for Lady Creamly ! [His hat falls off^ he picks it up and puts it on again.] Yes, for Lady Creamly— [Going, his hat falls off again ; returns — to Captain.] I will make you responsible for everything! [His hat falls of a third time ; as he is going out he picks it up, and exits foaming with rage. All Capt. Huzza ! the coast is clear — but, I fear, far a short time only, as that old sinner will be sure to bring back Lady Creamly — so let us each to our respective posts to get the ball in train before her ladyship arrives. [ To Mrs. Delmaine.] You and Emma will have the kindness to see the decorations are in order* You can accompany them, Frank, as their loyal esquire. The supper and wines I take under my especial charge. And, now, Eng- land expects that every man — Mrs, D. And woman — Capt. And woman — will do his duty ! [Exeunt Captain r. / Frederick, Emma, and Mrs. Del- maine, c.) Enter Charles, full dressed, l. Charles. No one in the way ; I think 1 can get off to Lady Blank's without being perceived. That damned Maguire had nearly spoiled all my plans, but, fortunately, I escaped exactly in the nick of time. Enter Mrs. Torbf.ns, elegantly/ attired, l. Good heavens ! what do I see 1 Mrs. Torrens in full- dress 1 Well, my dear, what extraordinary fancy has taken you to-night ? fcENE I. THE SERIOUS FAMILY. 45 Mrs. T. I may ask the same question, Mr. Torrens j for I see, by your costume, you are bent on conquest. Charles. \Tendcrly.\ Eve, the only conquest I wish to make is here. Mrs. T. Ah, Charles ! you mock me. Charles. \ Taking her hand.^ No, my dear. In truth, T never saw you looking so handsome. These jewels, and this dress, become you most admirably. Mrs. T. If you are pleased, I am happy. But now, dear Charles, let us have a few moments' explanation, for, perhaps, on the experiment of this night all our future Viappiness depends. Charles. Dearest Eve, I am all attention. Mrs. T. Charles, you have not been sincere with me. You found me a young creature accustomed only to obey the voice of my mother, and ignorant that I had other duties, but those she imposed on me, to fulfil. You should have told me the little world in which I lived, was not the world in which you, and other reasona- ble creatures in our sphere of life, existed. I now find that 1 have been wrong — very wrong indeed, and that if you have gone a little' on your side astray the fault is all my own. Charles. Ah, Eve ; you are too kind, too amiable ; the fault is all mine. 1 should have known better what a treasure I possessed. Mrs. T. I am now determined, dearest Charles, to give you no excuse for seeking amusement abroad, by giving it you at home. We have, henceforth, but one mind, one heart ; and in spite of all Mr. Sleek or Lady Creamly may say, we shall be as gay and happy— with prudence, and in season, of course — as other people of our rank and fortune. Charles. You are an angel. Eve ; and firom this moment I swear eternal fidelity. Enter Captain r. ; Mrs. Delmaine, Emma, c. Welcome ! a thousand limes welcome ! I am the happiest of men ; and here is the most angelic creature in ex- istence. Ask no explanations, but we are now the hap- piest coiiple in the world. YoLr hand, Maguire ; it is to your spirit and courage I owe this moment of liberty 46,, T5B SERIOUS FAMILY. [ACT III And to you, dear Mrs. Delmaine, I offer a true fiien4, in lieu of a false lover. Enttir Frank, c. Frank. " Sauve qui peut." Lady Creamly and oW Sleek ! Capt, Stand firm, Charley ! ^ Mrs. D. Courage, dearest madam ! Emma. Oh, we're lost ! we're lost ! Enter Lady Creamly, followed by Sleek. — SJie throws herself in a posture of violent qnger^ Sleek stands behind her, hypocritically raising his hands. She does not perceive cither^ of the three ladies , the three gentlemen standing before them. Lady G. [Violently.] What's this I see? What's this I hear ? Who has dared to turn this house ioto a house of sin and iniquity ? Sleek. An abode of Agapemenons! Capt. Why, my lady, I am afraid the blame must rest with me. Lady C. [Haughtily.] I spoke not k) you, sir ; where is my daughter i Sleek. Where is her sole offspring ? [The Captain who has been star ding before Mrs, Torrens, moves aside and dur.ovtirs her. Lady C. [Screains with horror. { Oii! what do I «ee ? Witchcraft — silk» satins, flowers, v.i'J je'^f els ! Are we in Bedlam? Mrs. T. Why, dear mamma, it is only a ball. Lady C. A ball ! are you rr.dd, child ? Sleek. You can't dance without af license — call J-^ tht» police, even Government cannot defer that tax on hops. Lady C. [ To Charles.] Explain this, Mr. Charles Tor- teos. Capt. [Aside.] Stand firm, or you're lost ! [Charles hesitatingly steps aside and discovers Ermna, Emma. [Advancing.] It is only a nice little ball, Lc^dy Creamly. Sleek. Child of polkamania ! Cellarius infaot ! JVr«-.v. T. It's only a ball, mamma, I give in honor of raj husband's birth-day. •f;fcNi: I.] THE SERIOUS FAMILY 47 Charles. Yes, dear mamma, a little dance in honor of my birth-day. . Frank. [Coming forward, discovers Mrs. Dematne,] Merely a valse and a polka. Sleek. And that widow of profane Ephesus. Mrs. D. Yes, Mr. Aminadab Sleek, for once in my life 1 am tempted to join the solemn circle of a serious family, but only in the hope of bringing cheerfulness and geniality, where hitherto have been groans and sighs and Btraight-laced formality. Charles. To speak plainly, Lady Creamly, this is my house, and for the future I am determined to be master in it. I will have no longer puritanical faces and starched behavior about me. I'll see happy countenances, smiles and cheerfulness. Sleek. Then look at us. Mrs. T. [Crosses to Ladij Creamly.] Yes, mamma, we love you very dearly ; but Charles and I are commencing a new system. Lady C. What do I hear % Suj^port me, Mr. Sleek. Sleek. Morally I would, but physically I can't. Lady C. Must I renounce you for ever ] Daughter, I command you to follow me \ Mrs. T. Dear mamma, one's first duty is to obey one's husband, and Charles has ordered me to stay. Lady C. [ To Emma.] As for Miss Insolence-^come hither! Emma, Pardon me^ Lady Creamly, Charles is my guar- dian, and has ordered me to stay. Lady C. [ To. Mrs. Delmaine.] And you, madam, will inatantly leave my house. Mrs. D. Pardon me. Lady Creamly, this gentleman, my intended husband, has ordered me to stay. Capt. (r.) And the three pair of us will make a mighty pretty couple. 1/a^w.C. Why, this is rebellion. ^ :» Charles. No, mamma, only a revolution. Sleek. Insurrection, if it doesn't succeed. Charles. [The Jirst bar of a polka is heard.] Ah! there's the polka — partners and places. Lady C. Vice and vanity ! Ungrateful children, I banish you forever ! Come, Mr. Sleek. i8 THE SERIOUS FAMILY. [j^CT IIL Sleek. Your wicked saltations won't last. No ) though it's a long time, there'tS a good time coming ! [Sleek gives his hand, and they walk off majestically. The doors at the hack of the stage ure thrown open, and disclose a, hall-room, richly ornamented and lighted vp. The Orchestra play Folka 'pianissimo. Captain gives his arm to the widow ; Frank Vincent to Emma ; and Charles to Mrs. Torrens. Guests dancing. Charles. [Eubhing his hands.] This is a capital day's •hooting. [The following lines are spoken to the polka air VfhUi dancing.] Charles. Isn't this joy, my darling Eve % Mrs. T. Joy with you the danc«» to weave. Frank. Oh ! may I really call you mine ? Emma. Partner for life, dear Frank, I'm thine! Capt. I'll be the model for husband's lives. Mn. D, I'll be the pattern of faithful wives ! Capt. Ch ies, isn't this a heavenly scene ? Mrs. D. And angels we — that's what you mean \ Mrs. T. Gaily my husband's hours shall fly, I vow it. Emma. And I ! Mrs. D. And I ! Capt. And I ! Charles. Then, if we've pleased our generous friondi. Gaily Tnfe Serious Family ends. DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. Mas. D. Maguire. Mrs. T. Charles. Emma. Fraitk. R. R. c. c. L. c. lu le its [book icket- ision tru- ll (i'atilogu: continued from secoruJ page of cover.) VOL. XLI. 'he Pirate's Legac 'he Charcoal Burner L(l«lgitha lonor Valiente ''orest Rose )uke's Daujjliter 'ainilla's Husbad! The Guide to the Stag-e, by Leman Thomas Rede, Con- taining Clear and Full Directions for obtaining Theatrical Engagements;, with complete and valuable instructions lor be- ginners, relative to sahiries, rules, mariner of going through Rehearsals, securing proper dresses, conduct at a first appear- ance, &c., &c. To which is added a list of the principal Ensilish and American Theatres, Edited and adapted to the American Stage, by Francis C. Wemyss. tilet, in three Acs. Spanish Wife, with Portrait of Edwin Forest. Oath of Office Guttle & Gulpit. id Volumes, contining Eight Plays |1 OO ssey's Exhibiion Reciter and Drawing* Boom Entertainments, crs. 3ing choice Recittions in prose and verse. Together with an unique collection of 3tite Comedies, lamas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schools and Families. Y Charles Mass?, Professor of Elocution at Burlington College, N. J., and Me- lanics' Society Scool, New York City. Two numbers per number, 30 tie Two numberspound in cloth. School style 75 mas for the TawingrRoom, by Miss Keating 30 ;rs for the Parlr, by Miss Keating 30 Lng- Charades,>y Mks Pickering 30 Miller's Own ast Book 30 I of a Showm.ai ^y I^'^viD Prince Miller 30 .ch and Judy, justrated 30 lie Dramas, fo College, Camp, or Cabin, (Male Characters only,) 30 mas for Boys,VIale Characters only,) by Miss Keating 30 n3 Plays for I iies, (Female Characters only ) complete in 2 parts each 30 Evening-'s Enrtainment, an original Comedy, a Burlesque and Farce 30 are's Proerbs, by Mrs. Cowdin Clarke 30 s Journe|3 pai1:s each 30 :yC% ITHIOPIAN DRAMA. M -Airs. ibin. Robei Box aV'3 0^. Mazeppa. United St^s Mail. The Coop€ . Old Dad's Th? Rival overs. The Sharr octor. Jolly Kill . Viliikins i L his Dinnah. The Q,uac octor. The lilyst Jpell. The BlaoJ satue. No. 14. Uncle Jeff. 15. The Mischievous Nig-g-er. 16. The Black Shoemaker. 17. The Mag-ic Penny. 18. The Wreck. 19. Oh, Hush ! or. The Vir- ginny Cupids. 20. The Portrait Pflfcter. 21. The Hop of Fashion. 22. Bone Squash. 23. The Virginia Mvimmy. 24. Thieves at the Mill. 25. Comedy of Errors. rho above Dra^a: ive been produced with the utmost care, not only to the coriectness the text, but ' ^ '^s Stage Directions, Properties, and other minutiae, pertaining to Lr bcins pror'^^ 1' 'ccl on the Stage. Although these Dramas are specially adapted Ethiopian r*''^^*^ aents, they are well fitted for Private Theatricals. KF" NOT*^^ Y*"5' ^^ '^'^ continued increase in price of Press Work, Paper and ^hall U o\^p(i to cJmrge Fifteen Cents at Retail, for the Standard and Minor 4. ova sent by Mail or Express on receipt of price. SAMUEL PRENCH, Publisher, 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) • Agentrfor Lacy's, Cumberland's, and Webster's English Plays. ding, 10' AMA.-j^^^'^^y: it, Any ohe FRENCH'S MINOR DjRAMA. Price 15 Cents eacii.-Bound Volumes/ $1. VOL. I. I Tbe Irish Attorney 3 Boots at the Swan 5 How to pay the Rent 1 The Loan of a Lover 5 The Dead Shot 6 Hia Last Legs 7 The Invisible Prince 8 The Golden Farmer VOL. II. 9 Pride of the Market Vsed Up 1 The Irish Tutor :2 The Barrack Room [3 Luke the Laborer L4 Beauty and the Beast 15 St. Patrick's Eve 16 Captain of the Watch VOL. III. 17 The Secret Ipers 18 White Horse of the Pep 19 The Jacobite 20 The Bottle 21 Box and Cox 22 Bamboozling 23 Widows Victim 24 Robert Macaire VOL, IV. 25 Secret Service 26 Omnibus 27 Irish Lion 28 Maid of Croissy 29 The Old Guard 80 Raising the Wind 31 Slasher and Crasher 32 Naval Engagements VOL. V. 33 Cocknies in California , 34 Who Speaks First 35 Bombastea Furioso 36 Macbeth Traveatie 37 Irish Ambassador 38 Delicate Ground 39 The Weathercock [Gold 40 All that Glitters VOL. VI. 41 Grimshaw, Bagshaw and Bradshaw 42 Rough Diamond 43 Bloomer Costume 44 Two Bonnycastles 45 Born to Good Luck 46 Kiss in the Dark [jurer 47 'T would Puzzle a Con 48 Kill or Cure VOL. VII. 49 Box and Cox Married and 50 St. Cupid [Settled 51 Go-to-bed Tom 52 The Lawyers 53 Jack Shepe|rIore Blunder* tharae 183 Dumb Belle 184 Limerick Boy VOL. XXIV. 185 Nature and Philosiy 186 Teddy the Tiler i 187 Spectre Bridgrooi 188 Matteo Falcone 189 Jenny Lind 190 Two Buzzards 191 Happy Man 192 Betsy Baker VOL. XXV. 193 No. 1 Round the C cr 194 Teddy Roe 195 Object of Interest 196 My Fellow Clerk 197 Bengal Tiger 198 Laughing Hyena Il99 The Victor VanqvEd 200 Our Wife VOL. XXVI. 201 My Husband's Mi VOL. XVII ,- , , ^ 129 Mischief-Making [Mines 202 Yankee Land 130 A Live Woman in the 203 Norah Creina 131 The Corsair 132 Shylock 133 Spoiled Child 134 Evil Eye 135 Nothing to Nurse 136 Wanted a Widow VOL. XVIII. 137 Lottery Ticket 138 Fortune' b Frolic 139 Is he Jealous? 140 Married Bachelor 141 Husband at Sight 142 Irishman in London 143 Animal Magnetism 144 Highways and Bywaysl 204 Good for Nothing 205 The First Night 206 The Eton Boy 207 Wandering Minsti 208 Wanted, 1000 Millra VOL. xxvn. 209 Poor Pilcoddy 210 The Mummy l<*-'>''f;'282 211 Don'tPorgetyourtt283 212 Love in Livery _J234 213 Anthony and Cleo; I 214 Trying It On. 1*6 215 Stige Struck Yar«J^7 216 Young Wife & '» *-"' brella 35 Forty and Fiftv ',., 36 Who Stole the P'-jbook 37 My Son Diana Scket- 38 Unwarrantable Ini -if,- 39 Mr. and Mrs. Whitt't:". !40 A Quiet Family , VOL. XXXI. J41 Cool as Cucumber ''242 Sudden Thoughta 43 Jumbo Jum 244 A Blighted Being 45 Little Toddlekins 46 A Lover by Proxy [Pi 247 Maid with the Milki^jj 48 Perplexing Predloamfj- ' VOL. XXXII. Jat 249 Dr. Dilworfli 250 Out to Nurse 251 A Lucky Hit 252 The Dowager 253 Mefamora (E' jple 254 Dreams of ""^.^jelnsii- 255 The Sha' ^er Lovei""^ 256 Ticklisti Times ^, „„ „„^f''L. XXXIII. 257 20 '.jiDutes with a Tiger '258 Mi ralda: or. the Justice ! ofTsion 259 / 1. Soldier's Courtship 260 ■ 3ervants L.y Legacy 261 ! Dying for Love 262 Alarming Sacrifice 263 Valet de Sham j 264 Nicholas Nickleby ,' VOL. XXXIV. i 265 The Last of the Pig.allj 266 King Rene's Daughter 267 The Grotto Nymph '268 A Devilish Good Joke •269 A Twice Told Tale 270 Pas de Fascination 271 Revolutionary Soldlerll 272 A Man M'ithout a Head N VOL. XXXV. 273 The Olio, Parti 274 The Olio, Part 2 375 The Olio, Parts [terj 6 The Trumpeter's Daugh-I 7 Seeing Warren ■V Green Mountain Boy ^>ThatNose Noddy's Secret VOL. XXXVI. icking Events tng to the hig irice of Papei I reduction cat made fror< se prices. _ Any Play sent by Mail or Express, on receipt of 15 c^ts ^xlpyolWmps. orders -will receive prompt attention. ^^^pt oJPostagegtamp. *•* Au Alphab^ehca^L^t^oy^lg^^sen^^ 1^ Nass.J.kkx, ,.., J.^.. K»- See List of Standard Drama and Miscellaneon. Work, on r«»«>n ,600 nd and Paget of cc^er. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 458 157 A