SECOND COPY, LIBRARY. OF CONGRESS. r .; — Chap........ Copyright No Shelgl'_$; V 7 — \%%qL united states of america. RT OF GOOD MANNERS By MRS. S. D. POWER (Shirley Dare) A uthor of tt Ugly Girl Papers » OR CHILDREN'S ETIQUETTE THE WERNER COMPANY NEW YORK AKRON, OHIO 1899 CHICAGO q,v '"I 701 Copyright, 1899, BY THE WERNER COMPANY Art of Good Mannere CQPtLes K£C£lV£D. • *S!Sl« «(**' ART OF GOOD MANNERS OR CHILDREN'S ETIQUETTE BY MRS. S. D. POWER (SHIRLETDARE) Author of " Ugly Girl Papers " CONTENTS I TOWARD MOTHER'S COMPANY II GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES . Ill TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT . IV MANNERS AT HOME . V PARTY ETIQUETTE VI PARTY ETIQUETTE — FOR THE GUESTS VII LITTLE GENTLEFOLKS VIII MISS charity's lady IX AUNT CHARITY'S LADY, AGAIN X WITH YOUNGER CHILDREN XI MANNERS AWAY FROM HOME ART OF GOOD MANNERS Papers on Children's etiquette I TOWARD MOTHER'S COMPANY WHAT, Adelaide, out here in the entry alone, in a fidget between the stair-foot and the door? One would think it was a cat turned into a girl by her motions ! Taking a step toward the parlor, then turning, wriggling your shoulders, and half crying, I believe ! Girls have a habit of going into mild spasms for nothing. What straw lies crossway now ? There's company with your mother, and you're " dying" to see who it is, and you can't tell whether it will do to go in or not ? You do so dread seeing strangers, and yet there maybe some one you are fond of, and wouldn't miss seeing for anything, and you're afraid she will be gone before you can make up your mind what to do? You do seem to be " dying," or in danger of going into ART OF GOOD MANNERS small pieces. But, then, girls like strong words, just as they like pickles, and cinnamon, and citron, and all sorts of unwholesome things — tastes that you will drop as soon as you begin to half know anything. As to your going into the parlor, take it coolly, and think out the right way and the wrong way there is of doing this, as well as everything else, no matter how small. It isn't strange that a little girl of eleven shouldn't know just what to do in every case. Your grandmother, sometimes, has occasion to consider, old as she is. Does your mamma allow you to come into her parlor when, she is with callers without sending for you ? If she has never told you anything about the matter, there is a clause in the constitution of our country which provides that everything not forbidden is supposed to be allowed, and there is no harm in going in to find out if you are wanted. Open the door, and if your mamma wants you, she will say, " Come in ; " if not, she will look at you pleasantly, but not invite you. You make a little bow, and go out quickly and quietly. O, mamma always allows you to come where she is? All right. But think a minute. How long has the visitor been with your mother? It is likely they want a few minutes to themselves, not because they have anything to say you needn't hear, but two people can pay better attention to each other TOWARD MOTHER'S COMPANY when alone than if a third person comes in. The lady has been here twenty minutes. Then go in. But you don't quite know what is expected of you — whether you ought to just bow, or go up and offer your hand to the visitor, and say, " How do you do?" Or should you only say, " Good morning," or " Good day ? " Now, listen, and get what I tell you fixed in your mind ; because, when you once know what to do in company, all this flutter and nervousness goes off. Little girls are often the most uneasy, uncomfortable creatures in the world to do with, because they are always thinking of themselves, and not sure what is genteel, and fidgeting, and getting cross to hide their nervousness. What is the first thing you have to do now ? Why, to walk into the room ; and, let me tell you, this isn't a thing merely to laugh over. The way in which people enter a room shows whether they have good training, as plainly as anything else in manners. Open the door wide enough to walk squarely in, without squeezing or edging through, as if you didn't think enough of yourself to give your body room to go through without crowding. Don't rush in, or creep in, but hold yourself straight, and look directly at the people in the room. Don't hesitate; but if you don't know the visitor, go to your mother, and stand by her side, till she ART OF GOOD MANNERS says, " Mrs. So-and-so, this is my daughter Ade- laide." Then move a step forward, and bow, or courtesy, if you have been taught to do so ; for the courtesy is coming into use again with nice people, and it is a very graceful salute, when prop- erly done. You are not to hold out your hand, un- less the lady offers to shake hands with you; then it is your place to walk up to her, and give her your hand ; and when she says, " How do you do ? " answer " Very well, I thank you," or " Not very well," as the case may be. Say it pleasantly, and quietly; but you are not to say anything more to the lady, unless she talks to you. She may have so much to say to your mamma, that she will only be civil to you. Remember, she is to hold out her hand to shake, and to say, " How do you do?" first. She is older than you, and the elder person has the right to make the advances, as we call it — to shake hands or not, or to speak or not, as she chooses. If your mamma were in- troduced to a lady older than herself, or more thought of in society, your mother would not shake hands unless the lady offered to, nor would she begin talking, unless the lady showed that she wished it by saying something first her- self. I wish you could see Clara Crane as she used to be, and you would know how disagreeable a girl TOWARD MOTHER'S COMPANT can make herself by carelessness in these things. Her mamma introduced her to me, when she was a tall, long-legged slip of a girl, eight years old. Miss Forward came up, and poked out her hand. "How do you do, Miss Dudley?" she began in that loud, uncomfortable voice of hers, which no one could teach her to lower or soften. " I've been wanting to know you ever so long, mamma has spoken so much of you. Do you like Staten Island as a residence ? Is your health very good ? " All that would sound nicely enough from her mother, or some grown woman ; but the young lady was quite overcoming with her condescen- sions. Your place among older people is to be quiet. What they have to say to each other is much more interesting than your talk can be till you have learned a good deal more than you know now. When people talk to you, don't always say, "Yes, ma'am," and "no, ma'am," for answer, or to begin your answer. It is the easiest thing you can think of to say, but we want a little variety in conversation. You don't know how hard it is to talk to a little girl like this : — u Well, Addie, are you glad spring is here? " " O, yes, ma'am." "And are you glad school is out ? " " Yes, ma'am, I am." ART OF GOOD MANNERS " You don't like being shut up so many hours — do you? " " No, ma'am." Couldn't you say, " I'm glad spring has come, so I can work in my garden? " That would give us something to talk about at once, and you would have something to tell me that was very interest- ing, perhaps, before we were through ; for I could get you to tell me about your flowers, and what you do there, and which you like best. You needn't talk to show off. Very, very few grown people have anything to say worth showing off ; but we can any of us say something to please or interest those we talk to. If we can't, my dear, we have no business among other people. If they have to do the polite and the agreeable, and we can't be a very little polite and nice in return, you can't think what nuisances among folks we cer- tainly are. If somebody does tell you anything interesting, I really think you know enough not to be a little bore, asking too many questions, or asking them all at once. This is a piece of bad manners, that belongs more to boys. I was once trying to amuse the two children of some literary people, very bright, well-educated young folks, too, only their education went a long way beyond their manners, which is a pity for anyone. I happened TOWARD MOTHER'S COMPACT to say I had seen Indians on their own prairies, when the boy flew at me with his questions, his eyes fierce, his hands clinched with eagerness. " Real Indians? Cherokee or Sioux? Were they red or copper-colored ? What nations ? Did they ride horses in a circle ? Did they use stone arrow- heads ? Did they use wampum like the Eastern tribes? Were they tall as white men?" He acted just like a huge cat that meant to tear the knowledge out of me. Now, his questions showed he had read and thought about Indians in a way that was very clever for a boy ; but his manner showed that he was both selfish and harsh. Is this too much to remember? I dare say you will forget it in less time than I have been telling you, if you only think of it as something to be done for appearance's sake, just as you wear a heavy dress, or gloves too tight, because they look pretty. But when you think this is all for kindness' sake, because we ought not to slight or disturb other people any more than we want them to annoy us, you have the Key of Behaving, and your way opens easily. You will have to think what you are to do and say, because nothing nice was ever done without care. But the care grows easy in a few weeks, so that one can be polite — that is to say, kind, with as little effort as it takes to run four scales in music. Only you must be ART OF GOOD MANNERS the same to everybody, everywhere, to get in the habit. It won't do to be very nice to your teacher when she comes to see you, or to your handsome rich neighbor, whom you admire be- cause she has such pretty dresses, or to the new girl who has just come into your set, and every- body likes wonderfully, unless you are just as pleasant to the least popular girls, and to the tiresome neighbor who is poor and shabby and dull. School girls are fond of showing uninteresting people a very cold shoulder of civility. I have seen a well-dressed girl of thirteen treat her mottu er's visitor to a pert, " How d'ye do, Mrs. Clay? " with a turned-up nose, and general air of disdain, while she flounced round the room, looking for something or nothing, in a way that said plainer than words, " I don't see what people in rusty gowns have to live in this world for ! " and go out with a significant, " I want to see you as soon as I can have you to myself, mamma." She had a very sensible mother, who merely said, " We will dispense with your company awhile, Gertrude," and paid the poor visitor so much pleasant attention as to make her forget the rude girl's affront. Miss Gertude came down when she was gone, eager for a chat ; but the mother was iced dignity, TOWARD MOTHER'S CO MP ANT and answered only in the stiffest, shortest way. She gave the girl a very small saucer of berries for tea, forgot entirely to take her to ride, and settled herself with a magazine to read, instead of being sociable for the evening ; in short, snubbed her daughter as thoroughly as Miss Gertrude was fond of snubbing people who didn't happen to please her. " Mamma," she said at last, with tears in her eyes, — for you young ones, who are so hard and cruel to others, are very tender of. your own feel- ings, — " what does make you treat me so ? " Mamma took her time to finish the paragraph that interested her, and said, in a freezing way, " It's because I don't like your style." Gertrude colored furiously ; for, like most girls, she prided herself on being what English people call "very good form;" that is, her manner and dress after a nice model. Her mamma went on deliberately, — " My favorites are all people who would not, if they knew it, hurt the feelings of a washerwoman by any slight, or hint that they wished her away ; and I do dislike the company of half-bred people whose manners are always wearing to rags, and letting ill-nature and rudeness peep through." "Why, mamma ! To treat your own daughter so, because I can't endure that Mrs. Clay, who ART OF GOOD MANNERS always wears such dowdy bonnets, and makes her own dresses, so they never look nice, and who is always so particular to tell what bad nights she has, and says, ' Gertrude's growing quite a girl ! ' as if I was wearing short cloaks and baby sashes! " This came out with a perfect burst of indignation. " It is very disagreeable to find one's own daughter such a badly-bred child," said that terri- ble mother, calmly. " If Mrs. Clay does wear cotton velvet trimming on her dress, and talk in a homely way, she knows how to be kind to others, and how to treat them, which is more than all your advantages have been able to teach you. I wish you to understand that every shabby, ill- looking creature in the world has just as good a right and cause for attention as you with your style, as you are pleased to call it. And if you don't know that everybody is your equal in right to civility, you haven't learned enough to allow you to appear abroad, and I shall leave you at home, and not admit you to company till you can carry yourself better." It was a severe lesson ; but it vastly improved Gertrude, who, from an intolerably pert creature, became a pleasant sort of companion when she learned not to look people over from head to foot to see if they were worth her civility. I hope you know enough already not to grow TOWARD MOTHER'S CO MP A NT fidgety if your mother and the visitor talk to each other instead of to you. Don't break into the conversation with something of your own that has nothing to do with what they are saying. I've known a girl to stroll about the room if she was not noticed, and interrupt the talk with any- thing that came into her head. " O, mamma, who has made this long scratch on the piano ? I know James has been in here." Next it was, " Do you know Mrs. Gray's baby has two front teeth — real cunning ones ;" and a few minutes after, when we were very happily talking of old friends, Miss Uneasy called out across the room, " Mamma, the folks that live opposite are going out to ride ! " as if anybody cared. She made us forget what we wanted to say, and interrupted so often that I had to go away in self-defense, be- fore that vexatious child worried her mother out of temper. The trouble is, you can't get one of these pests to leave the room on any pretense, unless they are ordered out, and then there is pouting, or a real storm. A nice child is the pleasantest company in the world ; but as for one that isn't nice, I'd rather have a thieving, pinching monkey by way of comfort. II GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES HE other Sunday, before going into church, I stopped out of the dust to let my dress down, and was by chance witness of the choice manners found where they should not be to-day. Two well-dressed girls of thirteen came in, whom I know belonged to the best families in the Society, and met on their way to the gallery, where our young folks like to have the full bene- fit of the organ and view of the congregation. These girls were pretty and nice in appearance, from the trim French boots to the checked silk and pale chip hats they wore, which matched, in blue, ruffles, and trimming. They carried them- selves well, which means that they walked straight and easily, without being so shy that they seemed made of wood, or holding their heads so high as to look haughty. But as the elder put her dainty foot on the stairs, the greeting that passed be- tween them was, " Hallo, Sid ! " from her, and " Hallo, Tude ! " from her friend. It was just what two lounging young men might have said, GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES or two stable-boys, for that matter. It would not have been out of the way for them, but it sounded odd from a pair of well-bred girls. There was nothing else coarse or fast in their manner ; but they used unconsciously the words they heard from the rest of their mates. It sounded as it does to hear a beautiful gray and rose-colored bird begin to swear with a croak in his throat. Or it was as little in keeping as if one had found an end of soiled tape hanging outside of their delicate dresses. It is common enough to hear girls say " Hallo " at meeting, but one can't like it, nor get used to it. It's a trifle, but you might as well leave off go- ing to school and learning manners at once, if you despise trifles. They make all the difference between nice things and common ones. You ought to know better, and you do know enough to prefer sweet, lively, gentle people to those who are rough and careless. Girls fall into the free and easy ways of their brothers because they are easy ; and one habit leads to another, till it is no longer sweet and quiet company we find in them, but the rapid ways and short speech of young gentlemen in flounces. The ways of boys are pleasant enough in their place ; but there was meant to be a difference between them and girls, for the sake of giving us a variety, I suppose. ART OF GOOD MANNERS And if girls try to be like boys, where will we get our sweethearts, please? You can't sweeten with allspice and cloves. Of course, when you meet a friend you see every day, you don't want to say, " How do you do?" as formal as to a person you see less often; but wouldn't it sound just as pleasant to pass with a " Well, Sidney," and " Well, Gertie," as to "Hallo" like teamsters? If you want to be a little more precise, Good Morning always has a kindly sound when you think that it means one is wishing good to you that day. It is a little prayer of good-will for everybody we say it to, and each one needs it in this trying world. We don't need to ask people whom we see often, " How do you do?" because we know pretty well without asking ; but when friends have been away from us a while, it sounds indifferent to throw them a good morning without caring to ask if they are better or worse in feelings or body since they left us. How do you do, doesn't mean to ask merely if one is sick or in health ; but it wishes to know if all is well with him. All the forms of politeness have the friendliest meaning ; and if we can only feel all that they express, we shall find ourselves the politest people in the world without any more trouble. While you are thinking of these things, pray GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES make up your mind to drop the stupid nicknames that girls seem to delight in. I say stupid ones ; but you are not to think, as some good people do, that all nicknames are senseless. Whenever we are familiar with anyone, it is an instinct to soften and shorten their names, and nicknames often express some peculiarity of a person with a good deal of pith. Trudie is a softer name than Gertrude, Gertie is a shorter one ; and somehow it is nature among all the nations in the world to turn a friend's name, shorten it, and pet it, to make a special name of it for those who love him. Pet names and nicknames are pleasant because they belong only to one's family and intimates. But there are some names so harsh and uncouth, without any meaning or fun, that there is no excuse for using them. I know girls whose favorite nickname for Gertrude is " Toot," or "Tute," as you like to spell it. Besides making one think of a fish-horn, it isn't in the least like the name it is taken for, any more than Caddie, or Cad, is like Caroline, or Wede is like Louisa ; for which I've had the unhappiness of hearing it used. The worst and most sickishly silly of all is Mamie for Mary, in any but a very little girl who cannot speak plain. Are names any sweeter for being spoken as toothless babies might mumble them in trying to talk? Don't make dumplings ART OF GOOD MANNERS out of your friend's names, or gnaw them out of all shape. Boys have their whims that are past endurance. Geordie always sounds like a babyish nickname for that manly name George. To hear a boy called Dode, when his real name is Theo- dore, gives most people a disposition to think little of the speaker and of the boy too. In the country, I believe, it is the height of manliness for a boy who goes to district school to be called Hank, if his name happens to be Henry — for what reason I cannot tell, unless because it is the least like it of any name in the spelling book. You must have the least grain of sense in your foolish- ness to make it fun, just as we have to put a pinch of salt into ice-cream to make it taste right. There are other nicknames, not pleasant to hear from older persons, but which we must allow to boys and girls — who appear, if they are not al- lowed small follies while young, to make up for it by large ones hereafter. When are the professors in our town ever called anything but " Prof " by the young folks, while the boys of the preparatory school would feel as if one was chaffing them if they were called anything more than " Preps." The church on the hill goes by the name of the " First Cong," with never another syllable. There is not the shadow of disrespect in this; it is only a boy's natural dislike to long pedantic names ; GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES and I fancy most people would be sorry to have all these whimsical ways of speaking dropped. They make^a variety. But there is a fault in so falling into the habit of using slang as never to speak without it. One might as well talk pidgin- English that the Chinese use, as to learn the slang dialect so thoroughly as to forget decent language. It will keep you from this to have one little rule about the matter — never to use slang in talking to older people. There are plenty of stories for chil- dren nowadays, in which the boys and girls speak the vilest slang, from beginning to end, to their fathers, and mothers, and teachers. They cannot speak like well-bred, cared-for children, used to neat, sweet expressions about them ; but they bor- row the talk of corner groceries, stables, and sa- loons, till one wonders if these young folks were actually brought up on the street. They say, " cheese it," or "that 's the cheese," like a grocer's boy ; and talk about the " cops," and " plug-uglies," say "nary red," and " going on the straight," like the low roughs who hang about the ill-smelling resorts of the town. These expressions are used so much by this class of persons that to hear them brings up the idea of the miserable places they come from. One actually seems to smell un- savory cheese and beer-spillings at the sound of such words. And it always seems as if a ART OF GOOD MANNERS boy's boots smelt of the stable when he uses such talk. There are several sorts of slang, and some of it is thieves' slang, and corner slang, which suggests nothing but what is vile and mean. Please to let that alone. As to the better sort of slang, be very careful not to get so much in the habit of using it that you can't do without it. When you can't describe a boy running down hill without say- ing he went " lickety split," or "lickety brindle," or if you must always say "cut and run" when you mean merely to run, you had better engage somebody to correct you every time you speak, for two or three weeks, till you can use decent English when you wish to. You get the taste of your slang — that is, the fun of it — most by not using it often. Your teachers have probably talked to you enough against using fine words for simple mean- ings, like saying splendid for pretty or good, and awful or terrible for what is ugly or bad. You must learn to choose words that mean just what you mean, no more and no less. When I hear girls saying anything is splendid, I don't feel like getting out of my chair to go and see it, for they use the word on every slight occasion. But a splendid thing ought to be something that the world would be glad to see — fine and rich GREETINGS AND NICKNAMES together. It isn't the word to describe caramel, or the ruffles on a debeige dress, or a picnic in a grove, or a visit to town, for any or all of which things young people use it. Why do you take out your best words for such common occasions? It is like paying out quarters for three-cent stamps ; and everybody would think you a fool for doing that. As for such words as "gent " and "pants," you probably know that there are two good rea- sons for letting them forever alone. The first is, that there are really no such words ; but they have been cut off of the longer ones — gentleman and pantaloons. The second is, that these short words are used by vulgar people almost entirely. Now, to be vulgar in manners is like being unclean in the face, and having one's clothes torn, or displeas- ing in any other way. You are just as unpleasant with your coarse ways of speaking as the dirtiest, raggedest newsboy in the street is in his appear- ance. As for these shabby and lowborn words, we will have none of them. 5 Ill TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT Oon't you feel very tired of being told to J^ " sit up" and "stand straight?" I used to, when a child, and could never see the use of it, so I'm afraid the sitting and standing were not well attended to. But every day somebody comes be- fore one, whose walk and way of holding them- selves are so bad that they are a very good lesson as to the worth of doing these things well. At theater, the other night, Mr. Edwin Booth was playing Richelieu, a play which, by the way, is considered one of the finest ever put upon the stage. A handsome young actor had the part of Adrian De Mauprat, a gallant, brave young sol- dier and gentleman of France, and very well he spoke some of the lines; but he spoiled the effect of his frank air and speaking face, by standing with his knees bent, and looking round the stage. I found that nearly all the actors stood in the same weak-kneed fashion. Only Mr. Booth, the principal, and one other ambitious actor, had any idea how to stand at all. Since then, thinking TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT over the matter, it seems that very few people stand or walk well, and the reason is they never thought anything about either. The college boys go by, looking like the flat, jointed pasteboard dolls awry, their shoulders and elbows up one side, down the other, and one hip sticking up to match. They have very fine figures for lying at full length under an apple tree, or stretched on a sofa, but when they stand, sit, or walk, their joints sag. Sometimes this is the effect of growing fast, which takes all one's strength ; but that excuse won't do for most boys. They copy the attitudes of loafers without knowing it. It is so easy to be a loafer. It takes as little talent to be a first-rate one, as it does to tell lies. The stout, pudgy boys who stand about the streets with hands in their pockets, shoulders up to their ears, and slack knees, as if they sat on the edge of nothing at all, make stout, pudgy men who could knock a blacksmith over, but who always " settle " if they stand alone. It is pure carelessness or ignorance with many boys that leads to these ill habits, and they deserve a special talking to about the matter. Every boy and girl should stand so as to have a good balance, that no one brushing past can dis- turb them, and that standing will tire them less. To this end, turn out your feet as far as you can, one foot an inch or two farther forward than the ART OF GOOD MANNERS other, resting the weight on the ball of the foot as well as the heel, and keeping the knees stiff. Brace them as if trying to bend the joint backward, and keep them so. You will feel as if you had hold of your knees, and in this way you can stand in a swaying horse car, or railway car, or on ship, with three times the steadiness of the common, loose-jointed way. Hold your head up, and hol- low your back in all you can without allowing yourself to poke out in front. Feel as if you were going to fall all to pieces ? That is because you are not as strong as you ought to be. You sit in- doors reading or studying when you ought to be out in the sunshine at play or work. It is not hard for thoroughly well persons to hold them- selves straight. It is the only natural thing to them. If you would bathe your joints in cool water before you go to bed tired, and try the same refreshing when you wake in the morning warm and languid, you would find it helped you to feel brisk and to hold yourself erect all day. If you do this after a long, tiresome walk or hard play, it will keep you from feeling stiff and aching the next morning. It will be hard work to keep straight at first. But if you once take pride in an erect, de- cided way of carrying yourself, it will come easy al- ways afterwards. To help yourself to it, stand flat against the door, so that your shoulder blades don't TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT press against it, which you can't do without hold- ingyour shoulders well back. When you sit, choose straight-backed chairs, and take care that your shoulder blades don't rest against them. Keep them flat, so that you won't grow up with these paddle bones sticking out under your coat or dress. When you walk, arch your back the other way from what the cat does. You will find this easier to think of and do than the oft-repeated command, " throw your shoulders back," and it is the same thing done by another set of muscles than those you naturally try to use on hearing those words. Hold your chest forward, as this gives you more room for breath, as you would find in running. Put the toe down first at each step, and bend your knee well back, as the whole foot touches the ground. This will give you a firm step, one of the great beauties of motion. Look at all good walk- ers, as they go swinging across country or pave- ments, with firm, lithe step. You see these two things in each of them, they put the toe to the ground first, and straighten the knee at each step. Look at the cat, which is a very graceful walker. See how she sets her paw down, and the little spring in her leg moves till it is straight. Noth- ing weak-kneed there, or in any animal that can walk far or fast, run, climb, or fight. As for you, ART OF GOOD MANNERS little girls, if you knew what grace there is in one of your slim, supple figures, or what pleasing there is in a round, stout one, if held straight and carried well, with a good step, you would spring out of your languid, fine-lady attitudes, and unlearn the goose walk three-fourths the women practice from the time they are eight years old. I often watch the feet of women on Broadway, instead of their faces. It is often painful, but it is curious that so many of them walk badly, and all do it alike. They lift their toes and set their feet down so that the sole of the foot shows at every step, broad as a duck's bill, and they have in result the walk of a green drake, or something not much better. You were not made to come down on your heels at every step, and the soles of your shoes were not made to show. Break yourselves of these bad habits, so that the next generation will have such grace and ease of movement that it will be a pleasure to look at them. It seems very tedious to learn these things, does it ? and you can't quite see how you are ever going to get the idea of a good carriage in your heads ? You must practice every day, for fifteen minutes or so, how to walk, just as recruits do. Turn your toes out, flatten your shoulders against the wall to start from, fix your eyes on a point opposite you, and a little higher than your head, TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT so you will look up and carry your head well, brace your knees. Now slowly lift your foot, put down the toe, straighten your knee and bring your foot down. So the next foot, walking on one line of the carpet or crack in the floor. Mind about looking up, and straightening the knees, for these two things will bring all the rest right. You will have to take time to learn, but you will get the idea best by practicing very slowly and stead- ily fifteen minutes daily. When you go to walk alone, down to the post office or to carry a basket to the neighbors, think about your steps a little. Don't try to make a hole in the ground with your heels, or let them fly up behind. Six weeks' practice ought to improve your walk very much, and after that you would grow so used to it as to walk well without thinking about it. If you have a long mirror to practice before, so much the better. If this makes you vain I shall have a very poor opinion of you. Or if thinking about your walk makes you think a great deal of your- self, I'm afraid there is something that needs cor- recting more than your manner, something weak in the head if not worse in the heart. Pray, why should you be any more vain of having a good walk than of having a clean face ? One is just as much credit, or rather the want of it is as much discredit, as the other. Yet you hardly get puffed ART OF GOOD MANNERS up because you are clean. Take all the improve- merit that comes to you, in the same way, as something you should not be without, but too much a matter of course to be proud of. For the least pride or vanity showing in a child is more offensive by far than a soiled face or ungainly walk. There is one trouble you find that besets older people, also. What shall you do with your hands? Trousers' pockets are not the place for them in company, and little girls have no pockets for them. I forgot, but does it look well to see a girl always carrying her hands in the pockets of her apron or jacket? It will do once in a while, among one's mates, but it is rather free and easy for a regular habit. You don't want always to fold them like a cat crossing her paws. Let me tell you something that will help in this puzzle which troubles much better-bred persons than you can be yet. I've heard well-trained ladies, brought up very carefully in good society, say, " I can't walk without a parasol or book. I must have something to do with my hands." One could not help feeling sorry they had not learned how to carry every part of themselves easily and gracefully, without thinking about the matter. If they would try a very simple thing, bringing the hands together in front, below the TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT waist, at arm's length, just as they sat down or start- ed on a walk, and then let them fall apart as they would, and keep them as they fall, the position would be nice and easy in nearly every case. Keep your hands down, and your arms pressed lightly against your sides in walking or in sitting. You need not look like a trussed chicken, at all, but a little stiffness at first is less harm than carelessness. Don't have slovenly manners whatever you are. Don't think, in all this advice, that you are to be little prigs and " high-shouldered " small crea- tures. There is a time to lounge, and a time to sit with one's heels higher than one's head, and to lie on the hearthrug. These are all changes of position that rest us by changing the weight from one muscle to another. It is a good thing, some- times, to sit in a chair tipped back, or put one's feet on a window sill ; it takes the strain off one's back. But we will take care to do this by our- selves, or with those so friendly and close as to be like ourselves. To sprawl before a stranger or visitor is entirely too familiar. It says, " I don't consider you of enough account to put myself in a pleasing position before you. I don't care whether I look awkward or not in your presence." It isn't a comfortable feeling to give a person, and it's no credit to you. None of us have such fine manners that we need be saving of them, ART OF GOOD MANNERS or be afraid of making too good an impression. We were made to be pleasant to ourselves and to others, and we ought to look well and act well for •their sakes. Even in the privileged time of a home evening, or in one's room with a chum, there is such a thing as easy lounging, quiet enough to save the eyes of a looker-on, and there is a loutish, wide-armed and wide-legged sprawl- ing, for which any mortal deserves to be started out of his chair with a rattan cane. I have seen a young man just from college, not to speak of men a good man years from it, who, in talking with a woman he did not know very well, would curl up in an easy chair with his shoulders above his collar and one leg over the arm of a chair, never know- ing the rudeness he was guilty of. And I've seen a woman of very good family indeed, who com- posed in French and painted in water colors, sprawl between two seats before two chance vis- itors, till she looked as if she were just about to tip over ; and I knew a poetess who read blue and gold books to young men in the back parlor, half lying on an easy chair with her feet on the sofa, both ladies having good health, and being in no way familiar with their visitors. But your mother wouldn't like to have you do so, and I want to help you with hints, so that you will never fall into these bad habits. You have TO STAND, TO WALK, AND TO SIT a better chance to grow wise and agreeable than those who went before you, for the world is wiser, and you are getting the benefit of it. Make much of your chance. IV MANNERS AT HOME " T DREAD to have vacation come, for the chil- -*- dren will be at home all the time." Somebody's mother said this in the sitting room, not long ago. It was a queer thing for a woman to say, as if she wanted to get rid of her children. But you may think it queerer when I say I don't blame that mother one bit. I know how things go on in that house. In the morning trouble begins. To say nothing of screeches, howls and jumps upstairs, while the children are dressing, that sound as if there was a bear garden overhead, peace downstairs is at an end when the first small head presents itself. In- stead of coming down in any Christian fashion, the door flies open in a way to carry lock and hinges with it, and a boy lands in the middle of the floor. Four mornings in a week he has to be sent back to comb his hair smooth, or take care of a strap or shoe-lacing. He would never affront our eyes in such a MANNERS A T HOME way if he thought to take a good look in the glass before he came down. He has his head in some new book before his mother can send him back, and drags his unwilling body away, with his eyes on the book, till her voice quickens him, and he disappears with a handspring on the way. You can't think how entertaining it is to have such a boy in the family. He took the table- cloth with him one morning, and upset the ink, and it took only two hours to undo the harm. For two weeks after, Harry was kind enough to vary the x . erformance by walking out of the room on his hands instead of his feet. As far as the mischief he can do, I don't know that it makes any difference which end of a boy is uppermost, but most folks prefer seeing a curly head, or a smooth one, to a pair of dusty boots, with the soles broken. Harry says we are " pernickety," a Scotch word he has picked up somewhere, meaning particular. It is a queer word, and expresses queer people. Whether it is queer not to like to see boys with shock heads and soiled jackets, or to have them shout, shuffle and hoot nearly every minute of their mortal lives, is a point on which Harry and we differ. I am sorry to say that not even a good book can keep him still. While he reads it he whistles, drums on the table, and, as a ART OF GOOD MANNERS last resort, plays tunes on his teeth, which rattle like castanets. It is a very pleasant variety per- formance, but I have known people to object to a hand organ, when it played all day. Carrie's father calls her the champion whiner. She always comes down cross in the morning, which, I think, is the effect of nibbling candy all the time. There is no harm in eating candy, as much as you want, if you eat it about meal times. But if you eat a little now and again, it will make you sick and cross and headachy, as I know poor Carrie is half the time. As breakfast isn't quite ready, Carrie takes a bit of caramel, and, crowding close up to her mother, begins, with a whine, by way of grace note : "Mamma, what shall I do with myself to-day?" " It is so bright I think it would do to walk. You might go to ask after Aunt Jane." " N-o-o. I don't feel like walking to-day. What else is there?" "Do you want to help me stone raisins? I'm going to make cake this forenoon." "N-o-o-o. That's too sticky work. I don't like it. Give me something else." "Well, how would you like to paint? Or will you try making those picture frames out of fret- work? You used to do them so nicely." MANNERS A T HOME " No, I don't like any of those things. I want something different. Oh, dear! I thought you would give such a good time in vacation, and I don't see one thing pleasant." After breakfast, before she has been out of doors to get a smile from the sun or say good morning to the large, bright, busy, happy world outside, this wretched, nervous midge of a girl curls up on the lounge, with Jean Ingelow's stories, the sweetest ever written for children. But Carrie pays Miss Ingelow a poor com- pliment, by reading her book in this stupid, selfish fashion, just as a greedy child crams itself with candy. All the sweet, bright, cool morning she sits there like lead, and it is as much as the family peace is worth to try to move her. I have my lap full of work, and ask her for the scissors, and she gets up, oh ! so slowly, holding the book to her nose, and reads all across the room, and back again, sticks the scissors out before her without looking, so that she nearly pokes them into my face. Her mother tells her to go to the next neighbor's for the cake pan, which goes back and forth be- tween the two houses till neither is quite sure which owns it. Miss wakes up with a stretch and a yawn like the poodle on the hearth, which shows much more than her boot-tops, below her dress, hunts another bit of caramel from her pocket, ART OF GOOD MANNERS which she munches in a very unpleasant fashion, saunters along as if her shoulder and hip were out of joint, and gets as far as the hall, first time trying. There she stops to look over the letters in the basket, waiting for the mail. She picks them up, and reads the directions, commenting on them, after this style : " Papa has been writing to Mr. Griffin, about the horses, I suppose. Heard him tell mother about it when I was in the bay-window, and he didn't know I was there. Miss Durant has a let- ter for that gentleman she writes to every morn- ing. I guess he is her beau." He was Miss Durant's half-brother, only Miss Wisdom didn't know that. " Mother has been writing to Aunt Kate, and there is something in the letter. I wish I knew what it is. Oh, it's a piece of my new dress. I guess she is going to get some more for kilt plait- ings. I don't want kilt plaitings. Bessie Evarts says they are going out, and I want fine shirring. "Mamma," bouncing into the room, "are you going to put kilt plaiting on my dress? Because you are real mean if you do. It isn't stylish; all the girls say so; and if you make it" — here she forgets herself completely — " I just wont wear it, there!" All this fuss is for nothing, because her mother MANNERS A T HOME had only sent for a yard or two more of silk, to make a new waist when the old one wore out. But, you see, people who want to know more than is good for them, find, as Solomon says, that too much wisdom is a weariness to the flesh. Harry comes in by this time, with his trousers tucked into his boots, his hat on his head, and mud on his feet. He throws himself into the easy chair, while his mother, tired with her forenoon's work, sits down on the lounge, with nothing at her back to rest it. She can sit uncomfortably, but somebody comes in who can't think of such a thing, not she ! " Mamma, Harry's got my place. I was going to have that chair. Make him get up." "Why didn't you keep it then, Nannie?" Harry is an expert at making faces, and he gives his sister the benefit of it. " Mamma ! stop Harry making faces at me. You're a real mean boy. Stop!" And the little fury flies at her brother, her hands in his hair, scratching and biting, while Harry kicks and cuffs and shakes her off, howling. Pretty, isn't it ? Well! this is the picture I have seen between the children of this well-to-do family nearly every day for a month. Do you wonder their mother dreads to see vacation come ? 6 ART OF GOOD MANNERS The children settle down behind the window curtain pouting. " Oh, dear !" sighs a small, miserable voice, " I thought vacation would be so nice, — and it isn't at all !" " Carrie," says her tired mother, "can you tell what you would like if you could have it ?" " I could," shouts Harry, interrupting; "never to do anything you don't want to." " I asked Carrie," observed his mother. " Well, yes," says the poor thin little voice, " I'd want to be always doing the thing I liked best, and have somebody to tell me what it was." Poor child ! She reminds me of the French people in politics. Somebody said, who knew them pretty well, that they didn't know what they wanted, but were always fighting because they couldn't get it. Let us see how this rule of never doing any- thing one didn't want to would work. The per- son of all the world who comes nearest to always having his own way, I suppose, is the Shah of Persia. His will has been law, ever since he was born, one may say, and I've a notion that he has found it very hard work to know what to do with himself. Probably the journey to Europe was taken to amuse him, because he was tired of MANNERS AT HOME everything else. The kings and queens, the emperors and grand dukes, did all they could think of to entertain him because he was the chief ruler of a country, just as they are, and they can't have company as high as themselves every day. They made feasts and balls for him, and got up great shows of soldiers and fireworks to please him. They would gather all their armies that they could get together, and have sham battles, and all their ships of war, and have mock sea fights, sights that the kings and dukes thought very grand themselves. But they found the Shah such a troublesome visitor that, we are told, they were very glad to have him go home again. He thought manners of as little account as Harry does, and as he never had to do anything that he didn't like, he never paid the least attention to them. If his food didn't please him he spit it out, or threw it about the floors. He ate with his fingers, because it was handy, I suppose, just as Harry says, when his mother speaks to him for picking the raisins from the mince pie with his fingers. Before the court, where all the lords and ladies were beauti- fully dressed, and had the most beautiful manners to correspond, this savage Shah thought no more of going to sleep, if the fit seized him, than of lighting his pipe. No matter if he was to spend ART OF GOOD MANNERS the evening at a grand ball at a palace, and he found anything that amused him more, if it were only a little dancing dog, he would wait, and dis- appoint everybody, and keep everyone else waiting, till he was half-coaxed, half-dragged away to keep his promise. He was sulky and rude, just as the humor took him. He would say to a nice old lady, " How ugly you are ! " and ask a man, " What makes you have such an ugly wife? If I were you I would get rid of her." In the middle of a show, at which people had spent thousands of dollars to please him, he would order his carriage away, because something did not suit him, or because he was just hungry and thought he had rather be eating an apple tart than " wast- ing his time over such fool nonsense," as he probably said to the folks who asked him there. The very people who wanted him to come to their houses dreaded to see him stay, for he was so careless with his food, throwing it about and spilling his drink, as to spoil all the carpets and the ladies' dresses near him. He thought, like Harry, that it was too much trouble to be always thinking about manners, as the boy says, when his mother wants him to use his napkin carefully, and not spill crumbs on the carpet. MANNERS AT HOME Poor Empress of Germany ! I know how to feel for her with such a rude guest, for we have somebody at our house who hasn't a bit better manners than the Shah. I'm sorry for the boy, too. His ears must be tired of the din, " Harry, don't step on my dress;" " Harry, don't make such a noise with that apple ; " or, as Carrie says, " Don't chank so ;" or, " Harry, keep off my work, do, please." Do you want to hear a sermon Harry's mother preached to him ? It is a cast-off sermon, but Harry never made any use of it, and it ought to be as good as new. Perhaps some of you have heard something like it before. The house is the place to be quiet. If you want to frolic and shout, go out of doors, and have a good enough time there so you can be quiet indoors. Move lightly and pleasantly. Don't go pounding about the house as if your boots were going through the floors, or come down stairs as if the top walls were tumbling after you. Fly round as fast as you like, but don't make a noise about it. I know it is just as easy to go to the top of a house, four flights of stairs, three steps at a time, without making noise enough to let anybody know what you are doing, as to thunder about it. Don't ask me how I found out, but it is one of the things I know all about. ART OF GOOD MANNERS Carrie needs to mind her steps, too. It is a great wonder to grown folks how slim girls can make so much noise as they do. They don't walk, they pound, as if their business was to wear out carpets. Girls are forever talking about being stylish and genteel, and worrying about an inch or two in the width of their trimmings, or the shape of their hats, as if their standing depended on such things entirely, while they are as coarse and common as can be in their manner of carrying themselves. It is always to be desired that your clothes should be fresh and pretty, but it is of much more consequence that your bodies should be nice, and well trained in their movements. The dress may be something you can't help, but the body and the manner is yours — to be a credit or discredit, as it happens. So be neat. If a child goes about with soiled neck and ears, it is a sure sign he does not think much of himself, and how can I, or anybody else, think much of him ? Don't be afraid of soap and water. If you can, use hot water every morning to wash your neck and face, rubbing the soap well into the roots of your hair on the forehead and behind the ears. Nobody can wash quite as clean with cold water as with hot, for the latter dissolves the oil of the skin, that gathers the dust every day, and crusts with it. Your skin will MANNERS AT HOME look a shade whiter for washing with hot water. But I shall give you a whole sermon on this very thing another time. Now let me tell you something I doubt you have ever heard from mother or grandmother in just the same words, though they have been tell- ing you pretty much the same thing since you were old enough to hear. Keep yourself to yourself. Don't be putting your elbows into my side, as you button yourself to me to look at the last new book when it comes from the post office. Keep your eyes to yourself. Don't be peeping into people's letters, or staring at a new dress, or a mark on anyone's face. It is very ill-bred to try to find out any- thing you are not intended to know, or to hear what is not meant for you. Make your glance as light and quick as your step. Besides, it is not kind to notice defects. So don't look at a cripple's lame leg, or the swelling on anyone's cheek. Keep your hands to yourself. It is rude to touch anything that belongs to another till leave has been given. How did you act, Harry, when Professor Craig was here ? He had brought out his photographs and specimens for us to see, and laid them on the table. There were delicate pressed plants and samples of gold dust on the table, but you rushed at the pictures, with your ART OF GOOD MANNERS usual "What's this?" and seized them, knocking over the dust, and crushing a rare Australian fern. It was no use to say " I'm sorry," and " I didn't mean to." Nobody supposes you did; but that didn't bring back the fern that the professor thought so much of, or pick up the gold dust. Carelessness is worse than stealing. You don't think so ? Would it be worse to take the fern be- cause you wanted it, or to spoil it, because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself? You are like the kings of old, who drove right over people rather than turn their chariots out of the way. Instead of laying hands on whatever you can get hold of, try never to touch anything not your own, unless you are told to. But Harry's rudeness is not half as offensive as Carrie's. She seems to think it very smart and spirited to say to her mother, with a saucy pert- ness : " I shan't, mamma, you needn't think I'm going to ; " or, " Mamma Kent, I think you're right mean ; " or, " Mamma, I tell you I'm not going to have that." I suppose it very refined, after their notion, for the " young misses " of Church Hill, as they like to be called, to talk to their mothers as they would to a chambermaid, only the chambermaid wouldn't endure such lan- guage. If the young misses — it is as well to call MANNERS A T HOME them so, the name fits them, for they are neither nice girls, nor young ladies — if these misses have no respect for the fifth commandment, or love for their mothers, I notice they have an exaggerated dread of being out of style. Style, I think, stands with some people instead of taste, kindness and conscience, as it is the only thing for which they have the slightest considera- tion. They would be aghast at their pertness if they knew what very bad style indeed it was, and that the children of the wealthiest and best fami- lies are trained to a strictness of respect for their parents, which it would be very hard for the misses of Church Hill to learn. Respect for one's father and mother, as well as to older persons generally, is the first point of high breeding all over the world. All the most polished nations hold it so. The French, who give lessons on manners to other nations, will show an old woman more attention than they will the prettiest young one. The Chinese and Japa- nese, who are among the most polite people on the face of the globe, are devoted to their fathers and mothers ; and the Turks everywhere pay the deepest respect to an old man. One does not hear the phrase, " the old man," used, except as a title of honor. If you were a young princess or a countess, as you have often thought you would ART OF GOOD MANNERS like to be, the first thing you would have to learn would be respect for others. You would not be allowed to keep the easy-chair when your mother the queen, or your aunt the countess, came into the room. No matter how tired you were, or how interesting a book you were reading, you would have to rise, put aside what you were doing, and wait quietly till your august relative told you to be seated. If she wanted anything a yard away, and you let her rise from her chair and wait on herself, you would probably be sent away in dis- grace, and kept until you learned better manners, more becoming a princess. If you, Harry, were His Royal Highness of Sax- ony, and were to marry a queen when old enough, you would have to improve on your present man- ners to a degree that would make you sick of life for awhile. You would have to learn to pay at- tention to other people before yourself, to be pleasant when you didn't feel like it, to wait on ladies, and be polite to old men with great gray moustaches and not much to say, because they were high generals in the army, or councilors of state. If you showed temper to His Majesty your father, you would, in all probability, be or- dered under arrest, like a common soldier, to teach you to respect authority. Every soldier, no matter what his rank, must MANNERS A T HOME learn to obey, and to show respect. Every officer of government, every man of position in the world, has to do the same. The only exceptions are people like the Shah, and the Khedive of Egypt, who are of very little account in the world. They never care about manners, and never do anything they don't want to, if they can help it. The consequence is, they seldom have a good time for their own part, and they never allow others to enjoy themselves at all. PARTY ETIQUETTE n"7HE kind and thoughtful lady who presides over these pleasant pages hopes I will re- member her children who want to know how to carry themselves at parties. When I was a little girl and went to parties, the only thing we thought about was how to enjoy ourselves best, and we tried to do this so hard that we often succeeded in spoiling the whole affair. It takes something more than ice creams, glace fruit, and " the Ger- man," with favors, to make the party a success. The best way that anybody knows to insure a good time, is for the hostess to think of nothing but how to please her guests, and for them to think how to please each other. But as it is in everything else, wishing to please and knowing how to please are two different things. It is a great mistake for anyone to say that the desire to be polite is all that is necessary to teach politeness. As you grow older, you will see many well-meaning folks who, with the best wish in the world to be agreeable, never know enough to make PARTT ETIQUETTE themselves so. Don't be above giving your good will the benefit of training. What do you want to give a party for ? So that you can swing, and dance, and play croquet, eat bonbons and white grapes, or nuts and apples, all you want, and have boys and girls to help amuse you ? That is not the idea of giving a party. You ask your friends to come to your house that you may give them a good time, and if you don't care enough about them to put your own likes and dislikes aside for one afternoon or evening, to at- tend to theirs, you had better not have a party at all. Instead, you ought to ask your mother to let you eat the cake and jellies alone, and hire a boy to come and swing you, or get your two aunts to spend a day amusing you by yourself. If you want other children to see how much better your house and croquet set are than anything they have, or mean to show off your new dress and your mother's fine fruit cake, and the variety of nice things she can spread the table with, you might as well have a doorkeeper and charge ad- mission, for all the politeness there is in your party giving. It is your place to give pleasure in your own house. Grown people expect to take a great deal of pains to please their guests, sure that they will return the kindness in their own homes some other ART OF GOOD MANNERS time. If you want your friends to come and en- joy your garden or your house, and are willing to lay yourself out, to make them happy, that is the right feeling to give a party with, and I hope you may give one very often. If you want to have your party in really good style, don't put on too much about it. Foolish little girls, who tease to have cards printed for their evenings, and call them receptions, should know what Mr. Tiffany's engraver says, who sends invitations for the most elegant people in New York : that a written invitation is always more of a compliment than a printed one, just as it is more of an attention to send a letter to a friend than a newspaper. The only use of a written invitation is to remind people of an engagement that might otherwise slip their minds, or to save their hostess the trouble of going to ask a number of friends in person. For a pleasant afternoon or evening's fun, your acquaintances ought to find it polite enough if you send to ask them by word of mouth, just as Mrs. Lewis Washington used to ask her neighbors to drink tea, when it was held an honor at the capital to be invited in this informal way by the niece of Washington himself. If you want a large party, it will be more con- venient to write to your friends. An invitation PARTY ETIQUETTE should be neatly written on a whole sheet of small note paper, with envelope to match, and sent by hand. I mention these things because young people are apt to be careless about such things, unless they are finical, and just as bad the other way. It is never polite to send an invitation through the post office in your own town, though it may be very convenient, for you cannot be sure of its reaching the person in time, as when it is sent by messenger. Remember these things, for you will find the etiquette the same when you are men and women. You hardly need a form for the notes. Pray don't put on airs that would suit if you were your own father and mother, but be your own size. It is just as absurd for you to use the forms and expressions of older people, as if you went about in your father's long-tailed coat, or your mother's shawl and gown. You may read these notes from girls of fourteen, and choose which you like for a model. " The favor of your company is requested at Mrs. Ben- thusen Jones', Summit Street, on Thursday evening, May 3d, at half past eight o'clock. Dancing. " R. S. V. P." R. S. V. P., after the invitation, stands for the French phrase, "Respondez sil vous plait" which means, "Answer if you please." It saves time in ART OF GOOD MANNERS writing, which is a good excuse for using French or any other language. Be careful in using new forms, however, or you may make as queer a blunder as the lady did whose ideas of abbrevia- tions were somewhat mixed, so that she sent out all her invitations marked, instead of R. S. V. P., with R. I. P., which is a common form that Ro- man Catholics put on tombstones and at the end of funeral notices, and m