CRAiMBLED Eggs LAW U)\ MACKAl-L AM) •RANCIS R BELLAMY Stewart Kidd MODERN PLAYS FRANK SHAY Stewart KidTTtiramatic Anthologies Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Edited by • FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING THIS volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS of the MODERN THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of con- temporary writers all over the world and is the second volume in the Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies, the first being European Theories of the Drama, by Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received. The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected the best available in English. One-naif the plays have never before been pub- lished in book form; thirty-one are no longer available in any other edition. The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the choicest plays produced by the art theaters all over the world. It is a complete reper- tory for a little theater, a volume for the study of the modern drama, a rep- resentative collection of the world's best short plays. CONTENTS AUSTRIA Schnitzler (Arthur) — ^Literature BELGIUM Maeterlinck (Maurice)— The Intruder BOLIVIA More (Federico) — Interlude DENMARK Wied (Gustave)— Autumn Fires FRANCE Ancey (George)— M. Lamblin Porto-Riche ((ieorges) — Francoiae'a Luck GERMANY Ettinger (Karl)— Altruiatm von Hof mannsthal (Hugo)— Madonna Dia- nora Wedekind (Frank)— The Tenor GREAT BRITAIN Bennett (Arnold)— A Good Woman Calderon (George) — ^The Little Stone House Cannan (Gilbert)— Mary's Wedding Dowson (Ernest) — ^The Pierrot of the Min- ute. EUis (Mra. Havelock)— The Subjectkm of Kezia Hankin (St. John) — ^The Constant Lover INDIA Mukerji (Dhan Gopal) — ^The Judgment of Indra IRELAND Gregory (Lady) — ^The Workhouse Ward HOLLAND Speenhoff (J. H.) — ^Louise HUNGARY Biro (Lajos) — ^The Grandmother ITALY Giocosa (Giuseppe)- The Rights of the Soul RUSSIA Andreyev (Leonid) — ^Love of One's Neigh* bor TchekoS (Anton) — ^The Boor SPAIN Benavente (Jadnto)— His Widow's Hus- band Quintero (Serafin and Joaquin Alvares-) — ^A Sunny Morning SWEDEN Strindberg (August)— The Creditor UNITED STATES Beach (Lewis)— Brothers Cowan (Sada) — In the Morgue Crocker (Bosworth) — The Baby Carriage Cronyn (George W.)— A Death in Fever Flat Davies (Mary Carolyn) — ^The Slave with Two Faces Day (Frederick L.)— The Slump Planner (Hildegard) — Mansions Glaspell (Susan)— Trifles Gerstenberg (Alice)— The Pot Boiler Helburn (Theresa)— Enter the Hero Hudson (Holland)— The Shepherd in the Distance Kemp (Harry) — Boccaccio's Untold Tale Langner (Lawrence) — Another Way Out MacMillan (Mary)— The Shadowed Star Millay (Edna St. Vincent)— Aria da Capo Moeller (Philip)— Helena's Husband O'NeiU (Eugene)— He Stevens (Thomas Wood) — The Nursery Maid of Heaven ' Stevens (Wallace)— Three Travders Watch a Sunrise Tompkins (Frank G.) — Sham Walker (Stuart)— The Medicine Show Wellman (Rita)— For All Time Wilde (Percival)— The Finger of God YIDDISH Asch (Sholom)— Night Pinski (David) — Forgotten Souls Large 8vo, $8$ pages. Net, $$.oo Send for Complete Dramatic Catabgue STEWART KIDD COMPANY PUBLISHERS, - - CINCINNATI. U. S. A. STEWART KIDD MODERN PLAYS Edited by Frank Shay SCRAMBLED EGGS SteiuaH Kidd Modem Plays Edited by FRANK SHAY To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public and those interested in the modem drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared to secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form that is at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the performer and producer. Bu^a/o Exjbrew; "Each play is of merit. Each is unlike the other. The group furnishes a striking example [of the realistic trend of the modern drama.** From time to time special announcements will be printed giving com- plete lists of the plays. SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. By Frank G. Tompkins. Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, Detroit. San Francisco Bulletin: "The lines are new and many of them are decidedly clever." Providence Journal : "An ingenious and merry little one-act play.' THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in One Act. By Holland Hudson. Originally produced by the Washington Square'Players. Oakland Tribune: "A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East." MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. By Hildegarde Flanner. Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. Three Arts Magazine : "This thoughtful and well-written play of Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres and is now available in print." HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. By H. A. Over street. Originally produced by the Fireside Players. White Plains, N. Y. St. Louis Star : "It is a light whimsy and well carried out." San Francisco Chronicle: "No one is likely to hear or read it without real and legitimate pleasure. " SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. By Stuart Walker. Originally produced by the Portmanteau [Players at Christodora House, New York City. Brooklyn Eagle: "Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic without being noisy." OTHERS TO FOLLOW. Bound in Art Paper. Each, net, .so Scrambled Eggs A Barnyard Fantasy By LAWTON MACKALL and FRANCIS R. BELLAMY CINCINNATI STEWART KIDD COMPANY PUBLISHERS COPYRIGHT, '1922 By LAWTON MACKALL ^ AU Rights Reserved The professional and amateur stage rights in this play are strictly reserved. Application for permission to produce SCRAMBLED EGGS should be made to Lawton Mackall. in care of the pub- lishers, Stewart Kidd Company. Cincinnati, Ohio HDU16 72 Printed in the United States of America The Caxton Press ©aA686840 PERSONS OF THE PLAY Clarence, a roosts Martha, his wife Eustace, a dra^ Gertrude, his wife Phyllis, a fair stranger duck Chickens, Turkeys, Ganders, Pigeons and Other Inhabit- ants OF THE Barnyard The costumes suggest, in an inexpensive manner, comic ducks and chickens, rather than literally feathered fowl. SCRAMBLED EGGS Scene: A Barnyard. On the right can be seen a small chickencoop. On the left, almost hidden by huge burdock leaves, is a duck's nest. The whole scene is drawn to scale to represent the way a barnyard would appear to a chicken. In the center is a fairly good-sized gray rock. Water troughs, tin cans, a cracker box, with large signpost and sign complete the list of accessories. When the curtain goes up the stage is empty. Then Eustace ap- pears, dressed in spectacles and silk hat and carrying a huge book labeled ''Reform'' under his wing, and dragging behind him a large sign, which he solemnly affixes to the signpost, whereupon it is seen to read, ''Better Barnyards: Br. Eustace, Originator of the Purity for Poultry Movement, Will Speak Here at Sunset'' As he does so the head of a chicken appears from the bars of the chickencoop on the right {Martha) and stares at him through a large pair of lorgnettes. Dr. Eustace, unaware of this, takes out a large halo from his pocket, affixes it to his silk hat, opens his book and assumes the attitude of an orator. EUSTACE Fellow denizens — MARTHA Eustace — SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE {not noticing her and settling his halo more firmly) Fellow denizens — MARTHA (Jetting down the curtain in front of her coop and speaking sharply) Eustace! EUSTACE {pausing and hiding his halo under his wing) Ah! A neophyte, no doubt. MARTHA Your wife left a message for you. EUSTACE {looking in the direction of his nest and then at Martha) What, has she gone? MARTHA Since early morning. She said you were to be sure to sit on the eggs until she comes back. EUSTACE {with ruffied dignity) I? I? MARTHA Well, of course, you aren't my husband. My Clarence believes the female* s place is on the nest. But that's what your wife said. EUSTACE {sadly folding his hook and putting his halo in his pocket) Alas! No reformer should have a family. {He starts for his nest and has just drawn aside the burdock leaf which leads to it, when enters Clarence gallantly following a young chicken. A look of horror overspreads Eustace's face as he sees the chicken drop a feather and Clarence pick it up and rush forward to give it to her.) SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE {coughing) Ahem! {The chicken^ startled^ goes out, while Clarence comes forward sulkily.) EUSTACE {turning away sadly from the burdock leaf) Clarence, there are some things which I fear you and I will never regard in the same light. Aside from the fact that you are married, think of your position in the community, your obliga- tion to set a good example to young peepers. How can you forget such things, and carry on with other chickens under Martha's very beak? CLARENCE {sulkHy) Been sitting on your eggs? EUSTACE {angrily) Certainly not, sir! CLARENCE Just hesitating on them, I suppose. EUSTACE {loftily) Clarence, Gertrude and I have the modern view. The single standard of morality and equal division of responsibility. {Enter second chicken^ carelessly from right, giving Clarence inviting glances.) CLARENCE {aside) What elegantly slender drumsticks! EUSTACE My wife has her responsibilities and I have mine. CLARENCE {again aside) What irresistible pin feathers! 9 SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE Gertrude is Chairman of the Committee on Free Puddles for the Public. She is raising a fund for the Laying-in Hospital. She is leader of the movement for Sex Education for Duck- lings on a platform of More Rain. CLARENCE What a walk! EUSTACE When I am speaking for better barnyards then she is warming our eggs. CLARENCE Where is she now, then ^ EUSTACE (stammering) Why, I— I— {Clarence^ unable to stand it longer^ follows second chicken^ who is now about to go of left.) EUSTACE {discovering that Clarence is no longer beside him^ and that he is following second chicken^ horrified) Clarence! CLARENCE (tuming and seeing third chicken^ come- Her stilly entering right) You're right! {He picks up the third chicken and goes of in the opposite direction as first chicken enters wildly from lefty looks around and seeing no one but Eustace makes for him. Whereupon Eustace rushes to the sign and clasps it to his bosom. She pecks at him but he clasps the sign tighter, and she shrugs her wings and goes of.) 10 SCRAMBLED EGGS MARTHA (her head appearing again from coop) Has anybody here seen Clarence? EUSTACE [aside) This is terrible. (To Martha) Madam, you have my profoundest sympathy. MARTHA {firing up) What impertinence! EUSTACE Ah, madam! If only it were! I respect your endeavors to shield your husband. MARTHA Shield him! The best husband in the barn- yard, so loving to me — every time I see him. With all your guile, you hawk in dove's clothing, YOU will never be able to alienate my affections from him. (She shuts the shutter with a slam as Clarence re- enters from right, picking colored feathers from his wings and blowing them gaily in the air.) EUSTACE How can you, Clarence? CLARENCE It's the easiest thing in the world, my boy. EUSTACE And to think that before I began my labors, you were the leader of the barnyard — You! (He swells visibly with indignation,) You, you pullet hound. You leering libertine! CLARENCE (strutting with pride) You said it. II SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE And you have no shame. You glory in it. Four years old and what have you done for the barnyard? CLARENCE You have no delicacy, Eustace. EUSTACE I state the ugly fact. CLARENCE (complacently) Well, old topknot, what*s your egg record? EUSTACE {terribly) Egg record! CLARENCE Well, pardon my strutting, but a fowl who learns from his wife only this morning that six eggs — five of them unprecedentedly large — grace his nest, may be excused a slight crow! EUSTACE {incredulously) Six eggs? CLARENCE {compluccntly) An even half-dozen. EUSTACE Incredible. All laid this morning? CLARENCE All this morning. EUSTACE I never heard of such a thing. CLARENCE There are lots of things you never heard of. EUSTACE What a responsibility! Six innocent, unhatched chicks. Does not the mere thought stir you to emulate my noble ideals? 12 SCRAMBLED EGGS CLARENCE Your noble ideals? Why, I wouldn*t trust you with a wooden decoy. {As fourth chicken enters from right,) Ahem! EUSTACE {horrified) And yet another! CLARENCE {cousoUng him) Yes, it's hard. I'd rail too if I were in your fix. Forty-nine chickens in the barnyard and only one duckess. I don't blame you for your single standard stuff. Necessity makes a beautiful virtue. EUSTACE Necessity! Necessity! Sir, if there were a thousand bewitching waddlers in the barn- yard, I should still support that standard there. CLARENCE {us he starts to follow the fourth chicken) Yes you would — not! MARTHA {as Clarence and fourth chicken get to edge of stage) Oh, Clarence! CLARENCE {stopping and thinking an instant) An important business engagement, Martha. I shall be back later. {He goes out.) EUSTACE {looking worriedly at the standard) A virtue of necessity! Sinister thought. MARTHA {proudly) There's ambition for you. You tortuous worm. EUSTACE {clasping his forehead) Worm. Ah, a dirty stroke. MARTHA {as she turns away from Eustace ^ sees Clarence re-entering, still stalking the fourth chicken. Horrified) 13 SCRAMBLED EGGS Ah ! {As they leave she rushes out of her coop and stands flapping her wings after them,) Oh, the speckled hussy ! My Clarence! My dishonored eggs! {Weeping) Oh, I beg your pardon, Eustace! Forgive me my harsh, unhenly words. The things you told me, alas, they are only too true. If you ever were a friend of mine support me now. {She faints on his bosom,) {Enter Gertrude from left,) GERTRUDE Eustace, a hen upon your wishbone! Martha, unwing him at once. EUSTACE Quick, bring some garlic, some smelling roots. GERTRUDE Not a root until you explain. EUSTACE {holding Martha with melancholy gaze) Only the long expected, my dear — Clarence — MARTHA {wailing) Oh, I saw him ! The speckled hen ! I saw him myself! My Clarence! {She bursts into sobs and they calm her.) GERTRUDE {striding up and down energetically) She must get a divorce at once. MARTHA {coming to) But I couldn't live without Clarence, the only rooster in the barnyard. What I want is to have him all to myself! {Gertrude flaps her wings in disgust and turns away.) H SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE Then you must make him respect you, Martha. Make him feel the need of your companionship. Share all his interests. {At this instant Clarence comes in with fourth chicken but goes hastily out.) Go where he goes, do what he does. MARTHA {wiping her eyes) But what will become of my eggs? GERTRUDE You must share them fifty-fifty, as Eustace and I do. MARTHA Well, I shall try to be that kind of wife. It will be hard at first, but perhaps I shall get used to it. For Clarence*s sake I shall try. {She goes toward her coop sadly y repeating in lower tones) I shall try. {As she closes the coop and goes in her voice is a whisper) I shall try. GERTRUDE {as Martha closes the coop) And without my husband's assistance. {Turn- ing to Eustace?) Well, and how long have you been off the eggs ? EUSTACE {confused) Why, I— I— GERTRUDE Don't duck, Eustace. I shall take their temper- ature. {She takes out a large thermometer^ pulls aside the burdock leaf that leads to the nest at lefty stares an instant^ and then gives a blood-curdling scream,) EUSTACE Great seaweed! What has happened? 15 SCRAMBLED EGGS GERTRUDE (wUdly) Gone! They are gone! Gone! Gone! {Turning to Eustace^ What have you done with our poor, unhatched children? EUSTACE Gone ? GERTRUDE Vanished, flown, disappeared! {Angrily) While you quack empty theories before their neglected nest. EUSTACE {firing up) You mean while you agitate Free Puddles for the Public. GERTRUDE Better than holding strange hens on your wishbone. EUSTACE {contemptuously) Or investigating the Rabbit Warren Under- world. GERTRUDE Rabbit Warrens, never! Only today I drafted final plans for the communal incubator, and appointed nineteen committees to O. K. them. EUSTACE {derisively) Communal incubator, hah! When the single standard is yet to be settled? {He laughs,) GERTRUDE Laugh if you will, but you cannot prevent the onward march of progress. Perhaps that is where your eggs have gone, at this minute! Perhaps the communal incubator is a fact already ! EUSTACE {startled) What makes you think that? 16. SCRAMBLED EGGS GERTRUDE Intuition, you stupid. How else would you expect me to know it? Ah, it just had to come! I have been predicting it all along. EUSTACE But why should they experiment on your eggs? GERTRUDE Nonsense! Think what it will mean to them! They will be hatched scientifically, eugenically, their personalities allowed to expand, and when they are grown up they will be free females. They will enjoy the happiness of motherhood without its drudgery. EUSTACE If there is a communal incubator. GERTRUDE If there is! Come, we shall find it now. {As they go out at lefty Gertrude catches sight of Clarence coming in at rights and whispers to Martha in the coop,) GERTRUDE Now, Martha, here's your chance. CLARENCE Oh, gosh, what a blonde pullet she was! Oh gosh ! And how blonde ! {As Martha looks out) Why hello, wifie dear! MARTHA {with forced pleasantness) Why, how-do-you-do, Clarence? I want to have a talk with you. CLARENCE {lifting one foot in surprise) Huh? 17 SCRAMBLED EGGS MARTHA I have been thinking things over very seriously, and from now on I intend to be a very different kind of wife to you. In the past I have not shared your interests as I should have. But in future I shall make myself your companion in everything. CLARENCE {leaning on the coop) Well, ril be plucked! MARTHA I shall be always at your side. Where you go, will I go! CLARENCE {angrily aside) This is Eustace's work. {To his intense surprise y a duckling comes from under his coop.) What, a duckling from my coop! {He staggers back in astonishment.) MARTHA {as he does so) Wait, Clarence, I feel them hatching. The happy moment has arrived. CLARENCE {as another duckling and then another appears from the coop^ in a savage tone) Happy moment! MARTHA They are all hatching, Clarence. CLARENCE {terribly) Five ducklings! That is what is hatching! MARTHA {looking out for the first time and seeing them) Dear me! CLARENCE Dear me! Is that all you have to say, faithless wife? Is that all — in the face of five ducks? Go, leave my coop forever! Never let me see SCRAMBLED EGGS your beak again, and take your web-footed brats with you. MARTHA {coming out of the coop) Oh, but I am innocent. I swear to you, Clarence. I really don't know how it happened. CLARENCE Ha! do you expect me to believe that, you sparrow ? MARTHA Revile me, peck me, stop loving me if you will, but oh, do not drive me away from my nest. CLARENCE Go! You are not fit to grace the nest of an honorable rooster. {He flaps his wings and drives her out.) Go! {She takes a step and stops.) Go! {This is repeated until she leaves, followed by the five ducklings. Then Clarence takes a flint out of his pocket and sharpens his spurs.) And now for that villain of a drake! {Enter Eustace right.) EUSTACE {anxiously) Can you tell me where the communal incu- bator is? CLARENCE Are you referring to my wife? EUSTACE {not hearing and peering around among the burdock leaves) WeVe searched for it everywhere. CLARENCE Come out of those burdock leaves, you waddling hypocrite. You sleek betrayer! You whited sepulchre I 19 SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE Why, why, what do you mean ? CLARENCE {brandishing his claws) Leering libertine, eh! You single-standard seducer ! EUSTACE {who has given a little jump of surprise^ then horror, and finally anger, as the diferent epithets are hurled at him) Shut your bill, you liar! {He throws of his silk hat and rushes at Clarence, just as Gertrude from the right, rushes up in back of Clarence and honks in his ear, so that he swings completely around in his surprise.) GERTRUDE Stop, you big boob! CLARENCE {stopping dead) Boob? GERTRUDE Certainly. Martha never laid those eggs. She only hatched them. CLARENCE {staggered) Hatched them? GERTRUDE She only sat on them. She would sit on any- thing. She was only their hot nurse. Stand back, Eustace. Here comes Martha now! I'll prove it. I'll make her sit on that stone there. {Enter Martha weeping, followed by the five toddling ducklings in single file.) CLARENCE Shameless creature with her trail of guilt. 20 SCRAMBLED EGGS GERTRUDE (as Martha passes the rock, pleasantly) Pardon me, Martha, but you just dropped an egg- MARTHA {wiping her eyes^ flustered but grateful) Oh, did I? Thank you for telling me. I am so bewildered that I hardly know what I am doing. Ah, the poor little thing is all cold. GERTRUDE {triumphantly) You see.^ CLARENCE Well, ril be fricasseed! {At this moment all the inhabitants of the barn- yard begin to enter in little couples^ ignoring Clarence and bowing to Eustace^ who has gone after his silk hat, and is polishing his haloy preparatory to putting it on,) FIRST GUEST Are we a little early? SECOND GUEST I understood it was to be at sunset. {They peer at the sign,) CLARENCE Get up off that stone, Martha. Don't make yourself any more ridiculous than you are already. MARTHA Stone ? {She looks at the stone in intense surprise,) CLARENCE Rock! MARTHA But what shall I do? Where shall I go? 21 SCRAMBLED EGGS CLARENCE Go? Go any place out of sight, into your coop. MARTHA {blissfully) Oh, may I ? {She goes into her coop.) {More guests are arriving now for the meeting of the Better Barnyard Association.) THIRD GUEST Such a lovely bird. FOURTH GUEST I love to hear him quack. CLARENCE {who has finally succeeded in sweeping all the five ducklings out of sights aside) Foiled, but not defeated. I'll get that damned drake yet. {He goes out.) OLD GANDER Let's go over here out of this gang of hen folks. TURKEY Have a chew of spearweed. GANDER Thanks. Say, I heard a good one the other day — There was a young pullet and she had never laid an egg — {The rest is lost in the shuffle of the crowd as they settle in their places. Four pigeons bring in an old feed box for a rostrum for Eustace and place a battered tin pail which he drinks from and polishes his glasses. Two chickens fight with each other over a long rubber ^ pulling it until it snaps in the face of onCy and until Gertrude finally silences everyone in their places. Evening is falling.) EUSTACE {taking a drink from the pail, clearing his throat, settling his halo, and throwing out his chest) IT- SCRAMBLED EGGS Denizens of the barnyard, members of the Purity for Poultry movement, now that we have abolished capital punishment for obesity, we come to the matter of the single standard. Ah, my fellow denizens! Ah, my dear fellow denizens! Only today a most lamentable case — TREMENDOUS VOICE OFF STAGE Here chick, chick, chick, chick, chick! Here, chick, chick, chick! {There is a great stir in the assemblage. One or two hens leave. Everyone looks nervous^ OLD GANDER {fitting on an ear trumpet) What's the disturbance? What are they going for? YOUNG CHICK Didn't you hear it. Uncle? Supper call. OLD GANDER Bless my soul ! {He rushes off faster than anyone else.) EUSTACE {louder than before) Fellow denizens — TREMENDOUS VOICE OFF STAGE Here, chick, etc. {Whole assemblage rushes out, overturning water- trough and rostrum.) EUSTACE {sadly) Thinking only of their craws! Their crops in the dust! GERTRUDE Well, aren't you coming? EUSTACE I, with my mission ? Never! 23 SCRAMBLED EGGS {Gertrude goes out in disgust. Eustace^ alone on the stagey after looking around to see if he is observed^ moves the box and suddenly seizes the head of a long red worm^ which he fulls from the ground until it is nine or ten feet longy whereupon it snaps from his mouth back into its hole again, and although he rushes to the spot it has vanished.) EUSTACE (dolefully) Vanity of Vanities. The good-to-eat die young. The paths of glory lead but to the gravy! {Clarence comes in stealthily from left and sees Eustace alone with his head sunk on his chest.) CLARENCE Sst! Sst! {He beckons to someone of stage , whereupon a young white duck enters — Phyllis.) CLARENCE {aside) The only duck in the barnyard, eh! We'll see what an extra one will do. PHYLLIS {turning to Clarence after a long look at Eustace) That.? CLARENCE That's him. Old angel wings. Leader of the Purity for Poultry movement. PHYLLIS Well, the prigger they are the harder they fall. {She makes good use of her vanity case for a moment^ and then begins to vamp Eustace while Clarence takes up his place behind burdocks at left.) 24*1 SCRAMBLED EGGS EUSTACE As I live, a new duck in the barnyard! A golden webbed goddess. Can I believe my eyes? How she moves like a queenly galleon! What a snowy whiteness! Her paddling feet scarce seem to leave the ground. CLARENCE Oh, boy! EUSTACE Who are you, fair stranger? {He takes of his halo casually as she looks down.) PHYLLIS I am Phyllis. EUSTACE What a beautiful name! PHYLLIS I thought it was when I took it. EUSTACE {aside) There is a soft rasp in her voice that thrills me to the gizzard. {He stuffs the halo into his pocket.) Where did you come from ? PHYLLIS {sighing) I came from a far distant barnyard. CLARENCE {from hiding) Don't tell him I imported you. PHYLLIS I was kidnapped. EUSTACE Kidnapped? But was there no one to defend you? PHYLLIS {in tears) No one. EUSTACE There, little one, don*t cry, don't cry. 25 SCRAMBLED EGGS CLARENCE {d'lsgusted^ aside) The great big simp. PHYLLIS I was subjected to the most cruel indignities. I, who had always been treated with particular care! And regaled with special dishes — of mush. EUSTACE Oh, if only I had been there! PHYLLIS You're very comforting! I was lonely and homesick, but your sympathy makes me forget everything. Now, I am not even sorry. EUSTACE {placing his wing about her) Do you really mean it? PHYLLIS Oh, in that other barnyard there were no other drakes as high-minded and chivalrous as you. EUSTACE But perhaps I am not what you think I am. PHYLLIS Why, I have heard you spoken of as a great leader — almost as a great prophet. EUSTACE True, and I should fly from the fascination of you, but I cannot! You seem to hold me with a magic spell. Love! Tempestuous, conven- tion-defying love is sweeping me off my webs. {He tears down the Better Barnyard sign in the ecstasy of his emotion?^ CLARENCE I didn't know the old bird had it in him. 26 SCRAMBLED EGGS PHYLLIS {as he comes back to embrace her) Oh, you must not. EUSTACE Oh, those wax cherry lips of yours. Phyllis! {They embrace^ PHYLLIS Eustace! {Again they ernbrace.) CLARENCE I seem to be missing something. EUSTACE But we cannot linger here. We must fly. PHYLLIS We shall be exiles together, dear. EUSTACE Ah, my duckie! We shall paddle out on the pond of love, side-bone by side-bone. We'll seek out some friendly wild, where we may build our nest, far from the madding cackle. PHYLLIS In a land of milkweed and honeysuckle. {She takes his watch.) EUSTACE My nightingale, my dove! PHYLLIS My kingbird. CLARENCE My fathead! EUSTACE A nook of rushes underneath the bough, A bug or twain, or toothsome frog, and thou 27 SCRAMBLED EGGS Beside me in the wilderness O, Wilderness were Paradise enow! CLARENCE {vushing out from the burdock leaves and crowing) Ur — er — er — er EUSTACE {in dismay) Discovered. We must fly! CLARENCE {driving in the five ducklings from the nest) Too late, you coop- wrecker ! PHYLLIS What are these? CLARENCE His children. Ask Dad — he knows! {To Eustace) My Buzzard! PHYLLIS {staggering back) Your children ! EUSTACE It*s a lie! I never saw them before! {He turns to fly in the other direction y but collides with Gertrude.) CLARENCE Did you ever see her before? EUSTACE Great Corngiver! My wife! PHYLLIS Your wife! GERTRUDE So this is your high mission! {Barnyard gathers. Ad lib gossip.) PHYLLIS {tauntingly) He even denies your children! 28.. SCRAMBLED EGGS GERTRUDE My children? What! {She looks at the duck- lings.) They are found! My lost eggs! Oh joy! EUSTACE {dismally) Say what you will. I go to become a hermit — GERTRUDE Well, I guess not! You'll stay here and look after the ducklings! {She leads him by the ear toward the burdock nest, while Clarence, whose eye has been caught by a brand new chicken, goes over to his coop and pulls down the shade,) CLARENCE As every good drake should! {He puts his wing around the new chicken.) It never pays to ruffle the only rooster in the barnyard. CURTAIN 29 Stewart Kidd Plays xMASTERPIECES OF MODERN SPANISH DRAMA EDITED, WITH A PREFACE, BY BARRETT H. CLARK "A volume that will prove of unusual interest to lovers of the theatre."— Brooklyn Daily Eagle. The collection of plays in this volume has a distinct value, representing, as it does, three varied aspects of the dramatic genius of Spain — Echegaray, Galdos and Guimera, the Catalon- ian Nationalist. Two of the plays, the "Duchess of SanQuentin' and "Daniela, ' have never before been translated. Mr. Clark, the editor, who is well-known to all lovers and students of the drama, gives, in his prefaces, a concise and illumi- nating survey of the drama in Spain, both old and new. Each play is preceded by a biographical sketch and a complete chronological list of the dramatist's works. THE GREAT GALEOTO, a tragedy, by Jose Echegaray, translated by Eleanor Bontecou (presented to the American public by Wm. Faversham, under the title "The World and his Wife") "an instance of Echegaray's melodramatic and essentially Spanish genius." DANIELA, a tragic drama, by Angel Guimera, translated by John Garrett Underbill. "Daniela comes to us with all the force of a new sensation, ... .by virtue of the profound and tragic poetry of its theme. (It) is of the great order."— The Dial. THE DUCHESS OF SAN QUENTIN. a comedy, by Benito Pere2-Gald6s, translated by Philip M. Hayden. "Galdos has done a rare bit of character portrayal."— Cleveland Plain Dealer. "All the plays are essentially racial and as such will deeply interest the student of European Drama." — Argonaut. izMO, Silk Cloth, Net $2.50 Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue STEWART KIDD COMPANY PUBLISHERS CINCI^4NATI, U. S. A. Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies European Theories of the Drama By BARRETT H. CLARK An Anthxylogy of Dramatic Theory and Criticism from Aristotle to the present day in a series of selected texts, with Commentaries, Biographies and Bibliographies A book of paramount importance. This monumental anthology assembles for the first time the epoch-making theories and criticisms of the drama from the beginnings in Greece to the present, and each excerpt is chosen with refer- ence to its effect on subsequent dramatic writing. The texts alone are immensely valuable, and the comments constitute a history of dramatic criticism. It is the most important body of doctrine on the drama to be obtained, appeals to all who are interested in the theatre, and is indispensable to students. The introduction to each section of the book is followed by an exhaustive bibliography. Each writer whose work is represented is made the subject of a brief biography. The entire volume is rendered doubly valuable by the index, which is worked out in great detail. Contributors to the Success of this Volume: Aristotle Moliere Goethe Horace Racine Schlegel Donatus Boileau Hebbel Dante Saint-Evremont Wagner Daniello Dryden Freytag Minturno Milton Hugo Scaliger Rymer Dumas fils ScbiUet Congreve Sarcey DelaTaaic Farquhar Zola Cervarites Addison Brunetiere Lope de Vega Johnson Maeterlinck Tirso de Molina Goldsmith Coleridge Sidney Goldoni Lamb Jonson Lessing Hazlitt Ogier Voltaire Pinero Chapelain Diderot Jones Abbe d'Aubignac Beaumarchais Shaw Comeille Schiller Archer Large Svo, 500 pagei > . • • • . . 'Net $5,00 ^ Broivn Turkey hiorocrx) . • . . Net $12.00 StSfl^rt Kidd Plays The PROVINCETOWN PLAYS Edited by GEORGE CRAM COOK and FRANK SHAY With a foreword by HUTCHINS HAPGOOD Containing the ten best plays produced by the Province- town Players, which are: "SUPPRESSED DES I RES ■', George Cram Cook and SusanGlaspell. "ARIA DA CAPO". Edna St. Vincent Millay. -COCAINE", Pendleton King. "NIGHT"', James Oppenheim. "ENEMIES", Hutchins Hapgood and Neith Boyce. "THE ANGEL INTRUDES", Floyd Dell. "BOUND EAST FOR CARDIFF ", Eugene ONeill. "THE WIDOWS VEIL ". Alice Rostetter. "STRING OF THE SAMISEN ', Rita Wellman. "NOT SMART", Wilbur D. Steele. Every author, with one exception, has a book or more to his credit. Several are at the top of their profession. Rita Wellman, a Saturday Evening Post star, has had two or three plays on Broadway, and has a new novel, "The Wings of Desire." Cook and Glaspell are well known — he for his novels, and Miss Glaspell for novels and plays. Edna Millay is one of America's best poets. Steele, according to O'Brien, is America's best short-story writer. Oppenheim has over a dozen novels, books of poems, and essays to his credit. O'Neill has a play on Broadway now: "The Emperor Jones." Hutch. Hapgood is an author of note. A record of the work of the most serious and important of all the new theatre movements in America. New York Sun: "Tense and vivid little dramas. " Dallas News: "Uniform in excellence of workmanship, varied in sub- ject "mattcr^^^^^tKc volume is a distinct contribution to American dra- matic art. izmo. Net, $2.50 Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue STEWART KIDD COMPANY PUBLISHERS CINCINNATI. U. S. A. Plays by Mary MacMillan For Women's Clubs, Girls' Schools, etc.^ — "In all of them will be found a rich and delicate charm, a bountiful endowment of humor and wit, a penetrating knowledge of human nature, and a deft touch in the drawing of charac- ter. They are delicately and sympathetically done and their literary charm is undeniable. ^^ — Brooklyn Daily Eagle. SHORT Plays The Shadowed Star. — The Ring. — The Rose. — Luck. — Entr' Act. — ^A Woman's a Woman for A' That. — A Fan and. Two Candlesticks. — A Modem Masque. — The Futurists. — The Gate of Wishes. $2.$o. MORE Short Plays His Second Girl. — ^At the Church Door. — Honey. — The Dress Rehearsal of Hamlet. — ^The Pioneers. — In Men- delesia, Part /; In Mendelesia, Part II. — ^The Dryad. $2.^0. THIRD BOOK OF SHORT PLAYS A Weak-End. — In Heaven. — Standing Moving. — ^An Apocryphal Episode. — The Storm. — When Two's Not Company. — ^Peter Donelly. $2. so. A FAN AND Two CANDLESTICKS Published separately as No. 3 of the Stewart Kidd Little Theatre Plays. SO cents. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS Stewart Kidd Pre 015 929 129 CXXMTEMPORARY ONE-ACT PLAYS OP iQii AMERICAN Edited by Frank Shay THIS volume represents a careful and intelligent selection of the best Oie-act Plays written by Americans and prcxiuced by the Little Theatres in America during the season of lozi. iTiey are representative of the best work of writers in this neld and show the high level to which the art theatre has risen in America. The editor has brought to his task a love of the theatre artd m knowledge of what is best through long association with the leading producing groups. The volume contains the repertoires of the leading Uttle Theatres, together with bibliographies of published plays and books on the theatre issued since January, 1920, Aside from its individual importance, the volume, together with Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays, will make up the most important collection of short plays published. In the Book are the foUowing Playsi by the foUowing Authors Mirage George M. P. Baird Napoleon's Barber Arthur Caesar Goat Alley Ernest Howard Culbertson Sweet and Twenty Floyd Dell Tickless Time Susan Glaspell and George Cram Cook The Hero of Santa Maria. . . .Kenneth Sawyer Goodman and BcnHecht All Gummed Up Harry Wagstaflf Gribble Thornpson's Luck Harry Greenwood Grover Fata Ucorum Carl W. Guske Pearl of Dawn Holland Hudson Finders-Keepers George Kelly Solomon's Song Harry Kemp Matinata Lawrence Langner The Conflict Qarice Vallette McCauIey Two Slatterns and a King Edna St. Vincent Millay Thursday Evening Christopher Morley The Dreamy Kid Eugene O'Neill Forbidden Fruit George J. Smith Jezebel Dorothy Stockbridge Sir David Wears a Crown Stuart Walker tzmo. Silk Cloth $ j.// K Turkey Morocco $10.00