TM:^: OOMIG Life of "^v^-^ . niKr^__^ ^ '^'t^Y THE WAY DANA IS ASSISTING HORACE GKEELEY OVER THE WALL SUREOUifDINa THB WHITE HOUSE. PRICE TEN OENT^, l-,r?'..i 9wrmKBD occordia^' fo Act of Congreee, in the year 1812, toy W I N » ■ H K L L & S M A I- L , tat the Oflkje of tbe Librarian of Congfeee at WaghinjjtOB. LIFE OF HOa REELEY Including all the ** Recollections," Corrections, Deflec- tions, Connections, Reflections, Otgections^ and Elections. 6. FROM VEROAS^T mFAfiCY TO A CREEH OLD ACHE.. BY A PROFESSIONAL BIOGRAPHER When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for — No, no, that is not it. Horace Greeley was born in Am. herst, N. H., February 3, I8I1! That's what we want. Horace was young at an early period of his life, and his father, old Zaccheus, used to day of him, that, when he was subjected to the rod, he was the most " promising " child he ever knew; although, on account of a very bad memory, he was not half so good at keeping promises as he was at making them. Horace was a frisky, good-natured child, •ind at the age of five coidd appreciate and .take a joke quite, as heartily as he could take ^yla flogging. He was an inquisitive child, and succeed- ed in reading everything within one hundred mUes of where he lived before he wa^ eight years of age. Even at this early age he took to study ing Franklin and practicing fancy penman ship by the light of pine knots. The reasou of his using pine knots was because of the poverty of the country , which was so ex treme that they could not raise cattle with fat enough to fiirnish candles, and so they 4 •' dipped " into knots. ' Horace was a great lover of cows and '^' Y. ^(jg_ ^^^^ calves in his boyhood and used to spend *^^'*'-'CATe. much of his time in experimenting with them. Hence much of his knowledge regard- ing farming, etc J'^^^^-^'^^'^'i Oq one occasion ho. tried to improve the Bteering apparatus of one of his father's cows. Bossy didn't seem to see it in the , same light as ho did, and then the infantile philosopher attempted to shoAv her how she could turn around in a shorter space than nature adapted her for. Taking Bossy by the tail, he tried to show her how his new ideas were intended to work. Tliis, as betbro stated, the covv^ objected to, and in manifesting those objections, she turned upon the youthful Franklin and threw Mm into the top of an apple-tree. Here he foimd Ids philosophy at fault, as well as his eloquence, for, in spite of calling " Bossy, Bossy, there's a good Bossy," the cow refused to bo pacified, and continued to keep watch and ward . at the foot of that tree, so that there was but little hope of Ms getting down until milking-time. TMs, he says, is the first and only time he was ever '^ elevated," although ho has been upon the horn of a dilemma several times. Even at tMs tender age his genius mani- fested itself, and, taking a piece of paper from his pocket, ho wrote a lecture to that cow, and dropped it down for her perasal. The effect wa.s macical. That cow gazed upon that letter, upon that elegant hand- waiting, and instantly became dizzy-headed, seeing which, yomig Horace slid down from his roost with the intention of making his escape. But cowy was too smart for him, and, re- covering from her confusion, she charged once more upon her tormentor, and they jjlayed hide-and-seek ai'ound the tiimk of that tree until Ms father came to the res- cue, and Horace was put to bed. Time wore on, and, finding that he was wearing out more clothes than he could pay for as a farmer, he resolved on "striking out " and doing something for liimself. He had grown to be a graceful man, and farm- ing didn't agree with his kind of grace, so he resolved to meander into a more flowery , walk of life. In the meantime, he had learned everything there was to be learned in his locality, and it was absolutely neces- sary that he should emigrate, or burst for want of more. Hearing that printers became enormously rich in a few years, he resolved to become one ; and, at the tender age of fifteen, he entered the office of the Northern Spectatorj a weekly paper. Here he learned to set ! tyi^e, but made enemies of his fellows be- HORACE GEEELET AS UK LAXDl^) IN NEW YORK, DEAD-BROKE CUT FULL OP PLUCK, cause he could not tell a. lie, and would not di'ink whisky. Tlic^e faults in a printing- office are not to be forgiven, and they took every opportunity to "go for" that New Hami)shire Chinee. This lasted for some tune, and he bore their taunts and flings as best he coidd, until he got a chance to retaliate. After a while, his genius was appreciated, and he became assistant editor. Ha! ha! here was a chance for revenge! He wrote ai-ticles, for that Spectator. He piled his genius into manuscript. Those printers who had tor- mented him so long, now Jiad occasion to groan and sweat. That handwriting has since become famous, and the world knows how great a revenge he indidged in when he gave out his " copy" to his enemies, and informed them that they must set it or starve. In a quiet church-yard near by there are four head-stones. Under those stones re- poses the dust of his enemies. They at- tempted to decipher that handwriting, and in doing so became hopeless, driveling idiots, and then they died. Thus do the virtuous, the truthful, and tlic temperate lloTmsh. But country printing-offices soon became too circtunscribed for his vaulting ambition. He had heard of New York, and he resolved to have a piece of it. He ijacked his valise and started overland for the Mecca. He came, he saw, he got the worst of it for a few years. He struck Printing-house Square, and it struck him, even at this ten. der age, that it would be a good place to have statues erected for himself and the other Franklin. But Horace was only human at this time, and naturally gave away just enough to find a lady who didn't object to becoming his Avife. Years passed on, Horace was a family man, and, besides editing the Log Cabirij he also conducted his domestic cabin and en- joyed life quite as well as ordinary editors do who are temperate and virtu,ous. About this time he had an attack of i>oIi- tics, and began to scratch about in the poli- tical field in quest of something that would distend his crop. He had tried his hand at tliting Tlie Morning Fost, The Jofferaonimi^ fSCew-TorJceTj The Whig, and other journals, md had now become so used to tiirn- mg that he could adapt himself to al- auost any creed, iind edit Jilmost any kind of * paper. All this experience he concen- ^uted, in 1841, upon the New York Tribune, And with it worked himself into fame and !3N)litical gieatness. At the outset he began to pitch into e very- ifody, like a boy with his first pop-gim. This showed genius, and as that was at a 5»pemiimi, he was taken in by Thurlow Weed iaxii Wm. H. Seward, and together they started business. This was all very well; but s» Weed and Seward got all its firuit and KJreeley sliook the bush, he began to see that tJiere was but little mone,y in it, how- ever mucJi fun there might be. So he diH- soh ed tlie copartnership, and started out on his celebrated One- Term principle, which he now wishes he hadn't ad\'ocated, and which fully illustrates the fact, "Cmses, like young chickens, always come home to roost." In 1848, Mr. (Ireele.^ was elected to Con- gi'ess to tiU the term of a man who had been called to fill a hole in the ground. Protec- tection and One Term wc}'e the x>rineipal things that he had on the brain during h is brief career, as one among the Solons at Washington. HoAvever much the fact may be bemoaned by his friends and admirers, it cannot be deiued that the old man got jntx) bad com- * •aHE '-l^CyQ cabin" AND THB DOKKSTIC ONK HAPPY HORACK AS A FAMILY MAN. ^'^Wl^SS^f^s^^'lilV !5' HORACE GOES OUT TO AIK HIS SICKLY CHILD, " ONE TERM," AND BEING ONLY HUMAN HE WHEELS IT INTO THE PITFALL PREPARED BY THE FATHER OF SIN. V paiiy while in Waskington, and ever since then he has been full of political crotchets and social demi-semiquavers of a startling natui-e. Like Ciiicinnatus, he worked a farm and told what he knew about the business. It is believed, however good his intentions may have been, that he has ruined more young men, and old ones too, who have fol- lowed liis advice than any other agricul- tural sage that ever lived. At one time our filthy street-cars and dirty cushions attracted his attention, and tie was caught one day by a conductor sow- ing some hay-seed over the seats with an idea of utUiziug the large accumulation of dirt. Tliis is vouched for by his friend Dana. We don't believe it. Horace has been accused of being a Free- lover. He is iiothiug of the kind, any more tiian he is sni office-seeker. He has even fought against them ; but at one time he wag unfortunate enough to employ Mr. Dana on The Tribune, and it fell into many crooked ways thereby, and the good old man has had to shoulder another's sin, and he can^ shake it off. Mounted on his old horse, Pro*ecft07i,*he even challenged Vic Woodhull to a race over the Presidential course, when there wasn't the slightest chance of either win- ning. Don't this show boldness and oppo- sition to Free Love and Woman's Eights, — dont it ? Well, little things like these didn't bother Horace much, and he cxjntinually sought a a foeman worthy of his steel. Kobody appeared to please him for any length of time. He fought slavery until it brought on a war, and then, in sporting terms, he weakened, and advocated that we should B allow iho Soubli to tbo devil. This sliowa a good heart nad a big head. Then ho attacked the New York Custom - houso and intimated that thero was fraud there. Ho called loudly for investir^ation ; ho awakened the elephant that he had been tickling, and before he was aware of it the animal had him in his trunk and demanded proof. Then ho weakened again, and said lie didn't know anything about it, that White- law Eeid was the man, which shows more of his good heart. Dividing his time with everybody, he has always man'.tged to keep busy all through life J and when he linds nothijig to do, he goes hunting musk-rats. Thev cultivate tliemselves exceedingly on his Westchester farm. Again he lectures on poetry, j)rotection^ politics, or anything else tliat happens to come into his head. He is still proud.of the penmanshii) which slew his enemies, as before stated, and practices it whenever he gets a chance. It is still his most potent weapon, and many a man who worked him harm now languishes in the insane-asylum or in his grave, from attempting to read the friendly letter which ho sent him. And he can talk learnedly. On one occa- sion, at a little dinner with some college professors, he let himself out on almost ever}' subject under the sun, and completely HOllACE, WITH A VIEW OP UTILIZING TIlE LARGE ACCUMULATIONS OP DIRT IN OUB CITT nAILROAD CARS, PROCEEDS TO SOW THEM WITH IIAY-SKED. UQ .Cqs f THE RACE FOR PUBLIC FAVOR, BETWEEN THE OLD EOAX *' PROTECTION " AND Xli^S MARE, *' FREE LOVE.'' confounded the learned doctors. This is proved by their conferring D. D. or some- thing of that sort on liim without heaving their seats, one of the quickest and most righteous verdicts ever given. It has been liinted that Mr. Greeley is a Yankee, but (vharley Dana says he is an Irishman by adoption, or that his grand- father was an Irishman, and that. Horace waved all claim t-o America at his birth. This, if true, was probably done to cat«h the Irish vote. It has been said tbat Mr. (ireeley uses profane language, but a man wlio has been associated with Mm for the last forty years makes affidavit that he never heard him swear in his life; and although the man is as deaf as a- post, the most implicit confidence may be reposed in his truthfulness. But he says the good old man "rips out" once in a- while, and v/hero is the man who does not ? Why, the .cloth that they make at the pres- ent day is as rotten as paper, and this is anottier argiiment against Protection. Not long ago he went industriously at work cultivating Gubernatorial cabbages for the Albany market; but, alas! they withered and oamc to naught. This does not show tliat Horace is not a good hoer ; it simply shows that somebody else had better seed, and grew better and more salable cabbages. Horace was mad as blazes when he got 10 defeated, and it is said tha* the language used by him as the eU^ction returns cnmo in would have made a fiivst-class Brett Harfce poem. But he got bravely over it, and in u. short time after he ha SORROW ANI> TBTBULATIOW. 11 o 12 that he has got him in beyond his depth, he | is trying to learn him to swim. Isn't that ! good of Reuben ? i WeU, tho half has not been toUl yet. The | world may yet remember how he went in for the undermost dogs in the late fight witli the New York Ri ng. How tenderly he took Oakey to his maternal and editorial bosom, and how he soothed his sorrows. Wasn't that good of him, and don't it show that he is entitled to tho name of Great and Good ■? Tiiat Ring was* " busted," and Horace e^scapedby the actual goodness of his heart; and as no one had a better idea of his posi- tion than Mr. Dana had, he at once hoisted his name at the head of his paper as a can- didate for tho Presidency, and, although he shifted it once or twice for another, he still maintained bis consistency. HORACE GOETH A-GXJKNING FOR MtT8K-RAT8. HOW HOPwACK OOT mS DKGRF.E OF D. o. (See text.) IB HORACE ON IMS CIIAPPAQUA FARM a ia CINCINNATUS. HE HOETH AND NUESETH THK GUbERNATORIAL CABBAGE, BUT IT WITHERETII AWAY. 14 A SCEXE IN PULTON MARKEl. HORACE KEIROVES A GAMIN, FOK' SWEARING, WHO IS BEIN© NIPPED BY A LIVE T,OBSTER. But the political waters began to boil and bubble, and it was argued that General Grant must be beaten. Mr. Greeley asked Reuben if such was the programme, and, learning that it Was, he at once turned his guns upon the Administration, and has poured in hot shot ever since. Even politicians will talk, and presently they began to hint about a " bolt " — ^not a thunder-bolt, a thundering " split" from the Regulars. They whispered mysteriously among themselves, and those who had sore- heads joined in the Salve Movement. Things worked like patent yeast. Long denunciations were indulged in, Charlcj Dana exhibited his sore toe and howled wildly against Grant. He went to Wavsh- ingtOD to im]>e4M'h Sex^.retary Robeson, and came back by way of Philadelphia, where he was warmly received. All this coming just before the proposed Convention at Cincinnati, had a certain in fluence. Sehurz bellowed, and Sumner let on his basso prof undo. Things worked, and so did the politicians. About this time people began to look wise at e^ch other, and strange whisperings were indulged in. Two men of great political in- fluence and sagacity met one night upon th< street. "Sh!*' said one of them, placing his finger upon his lips. " Ah ! what is itf asked the other, in a whispej". " Tt has been fixed ! " 15 '* The candid»t-<^ at Cincinaati ! " "No!" •olice of New Orleans felt that glory had come uix)n them, and they danced with exceeding great joy, while the thieves and lU E a: t) w o o K O tzi O H :5 ^ > bd 2 w w W O o w O W g > O tz! w o OC O o o ^ o *» 00 E 20 MEETING OF THE TWO MYSTEEIOUS POLITICIANS, AND THE SECRET LET OUT REGARDING HOW THINGS WERE ' FIXED.'" THIS 13 WITHOUT DOUBT THE " ONLY AND ORIGINAL JACOB " FIRST UNDERSTANDING THAT HORACE GREELEY WAS TO BE NOMINEE AT CIN- CINNATI. IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE THIS, WE SHOULD LIKE TO SEE THE PROOF OF IT. rogues were allowed to enjoy a grand holi- day. The fanners in the country heard it with extreme hunkydorie. They did not Kill the fatted calf, but they fatted him some more, and all took stock in Horace, the farmer of Chappaqua. The nomination was a jierfect godsend to a few picture-dealers Avho happened to have a lot of old wood- cut i)rhits of Horace on hand. They took them to the country and sold them like hot cakes. One man, an en- terprising but disrespectful cuss, actually sold a large quantity of jncturcs rei)reseut- ing Owens as Solon Shingle, actually im- posed upon the credulity and love of those country people by selling them this picture for a genuine one of Horace Greeley ! The difference l>etween them isn't much, to be sure ; but it's the cheat, and Mr. Owens was as mad as a hornet when he learned what had been done. One old man, who walked the earth with a speaking-trumpet attachment, was eagerly waiting to hear the news, hoping, yet doubt- ing. He was out in the garden hoeing. He heard somebody shout in the road behind the wall where he stood. *'What is it? Who's nominated?" he yelled. "Milk !" shouted the voice, which, b^ng but imperfectly understood by the old man^ he elevated his ear-trumx>et to the top of t^e wall, shouting at the same time ; " Here, in here ; let me have it." The milkman saw the large end of the trumpet just peering over the top, and sup- l>osing it to be a dish handed up to receive ,themilk, he turned about two quarts squareJy i»to it, nearly drowning the old fellow, and 21 TWO ASTUTE 1>0L1TI€1ANS OF PHILADELPHIA MEET TO IX^^RM EACH OTIIEU OF HOW *' THINGS " HAVE BEEN " COOKEH " VOU THE CINCINNATI CON\ ENTIO^. 22 HOW THE NEWS WAS Rl CElVED DOWN SOl'TH BY THE NEWLY-MADJ-; VoTEKS. oompletely filling up any hollow pltu^es in hie head. Dana and the Sun came up boldly to the work he had started. He proved beyond a (iUOW UP WII 11 V CITY. We have been favored with a view oi the iutist's design , and for the benefit ol" the world, we present an accurate sketch of it in this work. Oiu' task IS nearly done. The great man with whom we have been dealing is in the hands of the Am(M'ioan ]XH)ple, and they consider it a great deal. 80 do we. We leave him about here. Gue^s this is a good place to stop. Long wave the white hairs of this Good Old Man, the Later Frank lin, the next President ! The following note explains itself. 81 • :^5^ THE EX rBEMES OF POLITICS THA r IIOiiACE PliOPOb'ES TO UNITE. IT MA Y BK TAKEN FOR GRANTED THAT HE HAS GOT A HARD TASK TO PERFORM. Prierui Bricktop : I have just gone over the pagers of ray life, as written by you, as also the illuetra- tione. I couldn't have done better myself. My * * * * {fu:re the writing c