BV 4^55 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. §§ap Coptjrig^t ^a- UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. GOD'S LIGHT AS IT CAME TO ME. GOD'S LIGHT AS IT CAME TO ME. BOSTON: ROBERTS BROTHERS. 1895. /syH'~ a ^ h . Z Copyright, 1895, By Roberts Brothers. All rights reserved. University Press : John Wilson and Son, Cambridge, U.S.A. 3 £)eUtcate t&ese Pages TO ONE WHOSE FIRM WARM HAND-CLASP HAS NEVER FAILED ME, WHOSE LIFE AND CHARACTER HAVE BEEN MY MORNING AND EVENING STAR IN THE PATH WE HAVE WALKED TOGETHER. INTRODUCTION. My hope in sending forth this little volume is that its contents may possibly lead others to some under- standing of the reason and necessity of all the suffering and turbulence, both physical and mental, that hold and overpower humanity to-day, in which the simple right and wrong of daily living, and the depth of selfhood involved are such tests of character. Self-interest, which seems the one active and pervading prin- INTR OD UC TION. ciple, cramps and starves the God- given nature. Religion has lost its vitality and inspirational power, and when recognized at all, is too often regarded only as a code of respect- ability, with a meagre inheritance of intellectual and moral influence. It would, I think, be rare to find a home without a Bible in it, though indeed generally used on occasions of ceremony only. At other seasons it rests in a dusty corner, biding its time certainly, but for the present dormant; not only holding no in- terest for to-day's world, but in the minds of many, actively associated with weariness and all but despair, INTRODUCTION. 9 its treasures unfathomed and almost non-existent. The very name God has so lost its meaning that only in the great crises of life and death does it touch this universal apathy. The churches, originally intended for tabernacles of divine communion and worship, with atmosphere so glorified in holy sanctity, peace, and blessed association that in its breath a soul lost its burden in the great realization of God, are now simply organizations, of value and use surely, but so burdened by human power, human intellect, human in- terest and responsibility, that the 10 INTRODUCTION. divine spark, that which in its pure spiritual light awakens and glorifies, is submerged and well-nigh unseen and unfelt. Some teachers there are whose high moral standard and intellec- tual clearness appeal to the world's practical sensibility, not only by their words, but more by their pure lives of untiring and exemplary service ; but the lack of ideal truth, whose foundation is love for love's sake, whose awakened perceptions are grounded upon a faith that only grows with the ages, divine and pulsating with breath, — this is the overwhelming loss which brings this condition of starvation. INTRODUCTION. 11 Intellect shoulders the whole weight of responsibilitjr. Mankind is its own God, and we see the result. Where is the solution of it all, and what the outcome ? I would answer that it is in the very condi- tion that exists. Mankind only pro- gresses and learns through difficult and labored experience. Ay, he must be pushed and crowded be- fore the depth of his nature is stirred, before he is so roused by suffering that from the very heart of his being he sends forth a cry that will ring through the ages, and to which God only can respond, 12 INTRODUCTION. — a cry in which the intellect only serves its proportionate value, and man recognizes that in and of him- self he is nothing. There is a pro- found motive and principle steadily working its way to the surface through all this human ignorance and misery. Each individual experiences in life that which will sooner or later uplift, no matter how direful and seemingly unholy the process through which he must pass may be. This process may be one of conscious suffering or of reckless and false pleasure. The need and circumstance of the individual have INTRODUCTION. 13 developed the existing condition, and through it, from stage to stage, that soul will climb. Ay, always climb ! Climbing by way of the process, or — experience. When, by depth of spiritual love, we can look straight through this personal suffering and impurity, this blind materiality ; when we look with the love which sees and feels only the coming light, that which will uplift and sustain by its own power of tenderness, feeling no sacrifice, conscious of no denial, — then shall we neither bear nor endure, but rejoice in, and even welcome, whatever trial may face 14 INTR OD UC TION. us, whatever experience may teach and help us onward. My life from necessity has led me into this spiritual interest, and has developed experience which I hold to be the natural food of all. I cannot keep to myself alone what may give light and comfort to many. " Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer : thou shalt cry, and He shall say, Here I am." GOD'S LIGHT AS IT CAME TO ME. I. Even as a child, I longed to pene- trate the mystery I felt about me, seeming to realize an unseen world beyond the one I knew. I loved to be alone, that I might watch and listen for the faces and voices of the angels that seemed so near. At night, on waking from sleep, I well remember seeing beautiful forms take shape, and slowly vanish 16 GOB'S LIGHT in the darkness. I never seemed to wonder about these appearances, but lived and breathed as Nature moulded me, with a child's unques- tioning faith in all I saw. In later years, but generally under the same conditions, I saw grand and beautiful scenery, — mountains, valleys, broad rivers spanned by bridges whose arches I could count with ease, so near they seemed to me ; and I often watched a little boat, with its white shining sail, headed from the river towards the ocean beyond. Once I saw a tur- bulent sea, the sky overhead stormy and lowering, and the evening star AS IT CAME TO ME. 17 in the clear western horizon, bril- liant in the yellow light. By degrees a symbolic meaning to these varied experiences dawned upon me, and in this I found great help and comfort; for in the years that followed, I was burdened with ever increasing bodily suf- fering. From my present standpoint, looking back over the way I have passed, I see that my path has opened and broadened. I have learned to gather and accumulate the spiritual food which in earlier days I did not recognize, and to know that in the boundless Love 2 18 GOD'S LIGHT in which we have our being, slowly, it may seem, but surely, our true aspirations are eternally fulfilled, whether realized by us or not. As time passed, with growing spiritual understanding there came to me a new perception, — an inner guidance, — sometimes in words, and again in mental illumination, stimulating me to fresh endeavor and greater confidence. This quiet communion between the ideal and the human part of me grew with my growth ; and through it I learned that within me were . two distinct natures, — the conscious and the uncon- AS IT CAME TO ME. 19 scious, — the one the personal, the other the individual ; the first the intellectual, the second the spirit- ual; one hampered and trammelled by habit and opinion, the other free as its Principle, — seeing, hear- ing, knowing, being, all in God. I learned, too, that as we turn and face our divine majesty within, the conscious personal intellectual self is merged into the unconscious individual spiritual self, that which infinitely and irresistibly expresses its own divine nature. Once in early morning, when very ill, I was lying on a couch, thinking of my condition and of its possible 20 GOD'S LIGHT consequences, when suddenly I saw myself as a spirit in space, with face slightly raised, arms extended, and eyes seeing far above and beyond the reach of any earthly ken. They were full of holiness, peace, and perfect rest. The form and proportions of the figure were grand and free. On one side, in an atti- tude of despair and abandonment, was my human self, lying lifeless and desolate, every fibre of the body having yielded. These two forms, the one the true ideal of the other, were entirely separate and dis- tinct. I had no conception of the sym- AS IT CAME TO ME. 21 bolic meaning of this vision until a day or two after, when the same vision was again presented to me, and with it came a clear under- standing. I then knew that only in recog- nition of, and communion with our spiritual nature, can we penetrate and draw from its mighty force, which holds itself in calm and silent reserve until with our whole heart we call. In this knowledge was great ex- hilaration, for it seemed to solve a life problem, but only to be fol- lowed by a wave of deep depres- sion ; and in its depths I realized the 22 GOD'S LIGHT work of attainment before me, the process of development, slow, ear- nest, and difficult ; and with a great solemn wonder came a steadfast purpose to rise to the light, how- ever dark the way. At one time I experimented in thought-transference, by mentally conversing with a friend at a dis- tance, after mutually agreeing as to time and condition ; and here a few words in explanation of the subject may be helpful. The chief factor in the process is concentra- tion, or the act of holding the brain activities to one purpose and object, — focussing the mental force, AS IT CAME TO ME. which to an inexperienced person is well-nigh impossible, so generally undeveloped is the power. If, however, love is the motive force, you will find that your at- tention is automatically challenged and held, as it would be in an inter- esting conversation, and that you are concentrating without conscious effort. When you convey thought to the intellect of another by words silently spoken, the result depends upon your own clear understanding and conviction, and the receptivity of the listener. If however you have reached the plane of spiritual realization, in which you know only 24 GOD'S LIGHT the purity of that other soul, then, with a sense of relaxation, a divine atmosphere pervades your whole being, in which there is no room for words, or need of face or form. God speaks! and Nature rests in loving silence. To return to my narrative, the process in thought was to be the same as that we should naturally follow in visiting one another. Ad- hering to all preliminary detail, we were to note surrounding objects, using eyes and ears as usual, thus developing faculties that might otherwise remain dormant. When reaching my friend's pres- AS IT CAME TO ME. 25 ence, I called her by name, and looked into her eyes with concen- trated attention. Suddenly I felt she was speaking, though no sound reached my human ear. I asked if she heard me. She answered, " Yes, I hear you with my unconscious mind only ; the separation between the conscious and unconscious mind is so great that one is scarcely aware of the other, each to the other seems dreamy and unreal." I said, " In your conscious existence you are very suffering." She smiled, and did not seem much interested, saying that the conscious mind was just turning to the unconscious, and knew but little about it 26 GOD'S LIGHT In answer to my question as to the help she from the unconscious plane might give her conscious or human condition, she replied that " the help must come from the clear understanding of the unconscious or spiritual mind, — knowing that as the real mind : that there must be free communion between the two, the lower or conscious nature hold- ing the higher in concentrated thought, until by degrees one would awaken to the realization of the other." I was startled and agitated at the conclusion of the above experi- ence, feeling T had touched an un- AS IT CAME TO ME. 27 known realm ; but later I under- stood that I was dealing with fact, not fancy. I now realize that the human intellect, in its blind struggle to fathom and manipulate all before it, is the only obstacle in the way of God's love, which floods our whole being, stirring the soul to its very foundations. When appealing for much needed physical strength, the response came : " Call upon me often, for it enables me to take greater pos- session." " But," I asked, " why is not my call upon God for help sufficient? " " It is ; but it must be through the 28 GOB'S LIGHT development of your own divine individuality, that which is the re- flection of God, that your prayer will be answered. The greater the recognition of this truth, the more sublime will be the knowledge of your own higher nature, and its power to govern and control all beneath it. The very force of the ever present overflow of God's love gives you a persistent and almost painful longing to express yourself in effort ; because you do not un- derstand that you work best for God in unconscious effort, and that when you are filled with His love, you give forth an atmosphere of AS IT CAME TO ME. 29 peace, which fulfils its own mis- sion." I said, mentally, one day, " How I wish I could hold my higher self and never let it go ! " The answer clearly came : " You cannot hold me, but you can rise to me. I am ever present, being the truer part of you, — your spiritual nature." " Why then," I asked, " do you not overwhelm the lower part of me, making me conscious of you alone ? " " Because you do not recognize me sufficiently. There must be mutual recognition and communion, each must be dependent upon the other, and so you will evolve." 30 GOD'S LIGHT One summer when in the coun- try, I was in great distress, owing to more physical suffering than I could well bear; and this was at- tended by an intense desire to reach the woods close by, feeling that there in some way I should find help and strength. Taking a camp-stool, on which I could frequently rest, I made the difficult journey, and sitting amid the ferns a sense of freedom and companionship stole over me, im- pelling me to pour out all my suf- fering story aloud ; and the birds and trees gave me their loving attention. AS IT CAME TO ME. 31 Gradually I grew calm, feeling that I was burdening no one with the load I was carrying on that beautiful Sunday morning. I talked and reasoned, taking both sides of the argument, when suddenly my answers startled me, and I listened as it were to a higher intelligence, giving me strong and vigorous advice. The influence of that communion with my higher self was so potent that something within my heart was lifted and dropped from me, and ever since my steps have been firmer, and my heart steadier. The following is a portion of what came to me : — 32 GOD'S LIGHT " Know that by degrees each soul will recognize, through spiritual de- velopment, that its human failings, mental and physical, are wrongly understood and accepted, — handled and controlled by the intellect in- stead of the spirit, — and in conse- quence that soul is cramped by limi- tations, its true powers are unrecog- nized and therefore latent. When it appeals to God for help, seem- ingly with no result, it shall know, with ever increasing tenderness and joy, that only by the communion of a little child with its mother, so confident because so loving and free, can it receive. In this love AS IT CAME TO ME. 33 there is no necessity for question or appeal ; the soul rests and watches with greater and greater wonder and light the expression of God. " Be merciful in your judg- ment of yourself as well as the world. Your own standard is for both ; and when you only feel the mystery of God and your infinite separation from Him making you hungry and often patiently hope- less, know that every experience however painful is in truth a bright light in your path, lifting and clearing the mists that in the darkness seem so dense and heavy." Suddenly a bird sang, from a 34 GOD'S LIGHT branch above me, a melody so sweet, pure, and unconscious, that I was startled by its free expression of Deity, so near and yet so unthought of; and I realized how seldom we penetrate the hidden meaning of our surroundings. We only see and hear with the external eyes and ears, and the result is uncertain and obscure, holding little true under- standing or living companionship. After this last experience, I with- drew by myself each day, silently listening, with an ever increasing sense of dependence, to this inner voice, which always responded to my earnest call. AS IT CAME TO ME. 35 No words reached my mortal ear, but the voice spoke, and within my own being I heard in intensest silence ; and so I will give these messages in their order, explaining where I realize the necessity. " Look neither backward nor for- ward ; both the past and the future are in God's keeping. Live in the present. " Never force conditions, but when circumstances seem to arrange them- selves for action, take advantage of them, and go forward, in spite of what may appear hard. You will surely find that the way will be- come smooth, that each step is neces- 36 GOD'S LIGHT sary, and intended for you, and by and by you will understand that the experience, however difficult, was for your best good. "If by force of circumstance you are spiritually uplifted and helped while passing through some great difficulty in your life, not having attained the strength and poise to meet it through normal growth, the next valley of trial will be exactly as laborious and hard to pass as the first; you having been stimulated in the former experience by out- side conditions. Your character will be no more developed by it, your real knowledge no greater, and AS IT CAME TO ME. 37 you will have no clearer compre- hension of the great truths. "See, hear, think only what is true, pure, and lovely, and so you will have an understanding of Deity, and grow powerfully in spirit. On the other hand, when you worry over the petty detail of life, the wrong conditions of yourself and others, you close the channel to the inflow of spirit (or to your con- sciousness of it), and discord pre- vails. " Remember that every experi- ence, however deep, answers to a need, and that somewhere in your structure is a flaw, which becomes \ 38 GOD'S LIGHT more perceptible in the growing per- fection of its surroundings. Until that weak spot is recognized, under- stood, and made strong and beauti- ful, leaving no trace behind, its per- sistent demand will continue to bring you repeated trial." " The future conception of happi- ness will be far different from the present one. Then we shall know that intensest happiness is the out- come of deep experience, which is rich with fulfilment, firm faith, and clear illumination. Peace then will be a profound calm, undis- turbed, because faithfully earned; free and awakened, in its simple purity and mighty strength. AS IT CAME TO ME. 39 "Drop all unrest and anxiety in every direction, and unceasingly hold the ideal self in thought, there- by becoming conscious of Deity throughout your whole being, thus creating peace and harmony in yourself and your atmosphere. " Count that as a minute lost which is given to external disorder. You are of God-substance. Kest in that thought, for it is a perfect thought. " Know your God through your- self. Know that your very exist- ence is due to God's creative thought, and that you shine and express only as a reflection of the 40 GOD'S LIGHT One Central Sun. It is the whole of you ; and no matter how dense and unhappy your mental condi- tion may be, the power which un- derlies it is of the same nature as its Source, — its rays obscured, but still shining with all their original purity, steadily burning through and dissipating the intervening mists. When you know yourself as a be- ing born of Light (for God in His Perfection can only express the same), you will radiate sunshine, power, and peace. " Education means work, investi- gation, and all which that entails. It means development of character, AS IT CAME TO ME. 41 and in no other way can the object be attained. Growth comes through difficulties, by patience and hard labor ; but you must recognize each experience as an opportunity, and so learn its lesson. Even failure is progression. Consciously or uncon- sciously, whether perceived by you or not, there is always added light. Without recognition, nothing exists ; and by degrees you can become blind to, and even unconscious of all physical and mental discomfort and distress, by the simple realiza- tion of your spiritual nature, which shines forth from the very bosom of God, and so is invariable perfec- 42 GOD'S LIGHT tion. The principle underlying the ignorant or unawakened part of your nature — that which the world calls low or evil — is God's, but misunder- stood by you, and so misdirected. Endeavor to quiet all this external expression, and give freedom to the Divinity within you. You are God's thought! God's thought is perfect ! and in your great love for Him, shelter and protect the powers with which He has endowed you, that the world may be glorified by them. "Make the lower condition pas- sive, that it may learn to express the divinity of your thoughts, your AS IT CAME TO ME. 43 knowledge. Know all that is, and thou wilt know thyself. " When mental and physical trials assail you, have no fear, simply know them for what they are, and act accordingly, using your best sense and judgment. Give them no undue consideration or value, and so they will assume their just proportions in the balance of life. The greater the inner knowledge, the greater the outer, and at last the two shall become one." After facing a great sorrow, in which I had been sufficiently strong to have been of use to others, with- out apparent strain to myself, I 44 GOD'S LIGHT returned to my usual life, only to discover that I was exhausted and spiritless. This was a problem which I asked to have solved ; and the following answer came to me: " Circumstances mentally lifted and exhilarated you in the trial through which you have just passed. If you had loyally earned that eleva- tion through your own individual growth, there would be no reaction, and you would not again be subser- vient to physical law. Take advan- tage of this time of quiet, resting peacefully in the Everlasting Arms. When through experience you have attained normal poise, so that in AS IT CAME TO ME. 45 all the testing-places of life you can bear yourself calmly and uncon- sciously, then there will be no in- terruption to the quiet calm and unconscious freedom of your soul's bearing. 46 GOD'S LIGHT II. "The knowledge that every atom of being is governed by unalterable law shows the uselessness of doubts and anxieties. Remember that when you recognize your true powers, you will realize your natu- ral control over physical conditions ; so send forth the command from the height of your spiritual nature, through the whole realm of your being, and the result will depend upon the depth of your conviction. Learn to handle and control the ignorant part of your being as you AS IT CAME TO ME. 47 would watch and guide a child ; otherwise in the free expression of the lower nature, the higher is clogged, and the result is disorder and confusion. Hold thought and expression to your highest ideal. Learn from your failures. It is your duty to recognize and hold the higher consciousness in your- self, as well as in others ; and when the lower consciousness makes its demand, respond from the higher, saying, < If I choose ; not other- wise.' Do not argue the question ; simply let the highest be your only knowledge. "If you suffer physically in spite 48 GOD'S LIGHT of your best efforts to gain relief, then know that wherever in char- acter the balance is lacking, the expression of that condition will be on your weakest plane, whether mental or physical. Up that hill of difficulty must you climb ; amid the obstacles in that path must you find your way, until you reach your own inner temple, in which God reigns. You stand exactly ac- cording to your need, and so the futility and waste of all regret. " You may have wandered into paths of suffering and trouble from which you were warned, and their pitfalls explained; but you only AS IT CAME TO ME. 49 saw and heard with your external eyes and ears, and your desire to enter those paths was far the stronger force. The truth did not really possess you; therefore the dark way was to you a necessity, — a process exactly suited to further your development, — the course into which your previous life guided you. By deep experience the resources of your nature are awakened, and through the aisles of that vast inner cathedral you walk, every step taken with the calm unconscious dignity of spiritual feeling, which is far beyond knowledge. Feeling God includes knowing Him; it is 50 GOD'S LIGHT being Him. Be quiet, that you may listen. In the quiet of the night God speaks. "The moment you recognize in any degree your spiritual freedom, that moment you touch and feel your real self; and this knowledge comes through the travail of the spirit, in bursting through and overcoming its material bonds. Then follows the stupendous reali- zation of God's power and of life's values. Work on ; trusting, know- ing, abiding b}' what you know, and so the mists will clear, and the light become perfect in its purity ; there- fore the labor, the question, the AS IT CAME TO ME. 51 endeavor. Assert your individu- ality, with the calmness of absolute conviction, and then there will be order, and life in its wonder ; clear, full of freshness and sparkle, com- plete in its fulfilment. " God knows of your need, and listens for the cr}^ to come from your soul, which will draw forth his response. ' Whatsoever ye ask shall be given you ' is true ; but re- member also the text runs : ' What- soever ye ask, believing, shall be given you/ Oh, child, it is strange that you must suffer and suffer be- fore the depths are stirred ; and in them God is found. Then you rise 52 GOD'S LIGHT in His might, sending forth that cry of triumph, ' death, where is thy sting, grave, where is thy victory ? ' and you realize God's truth, that ' day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night show- eth knowledge/ " Receive in patience, and know that health will come through growth and development. Health means greater activity on every plane, and, to be permanently assured, must be roundly balanced. Growth must be symmetrical, neither mate- rial, intellectual, nor spiritual alone, but all combined; each as great a necessity as the other, all equally AS IT CAME TO ME. 53 dependent one upon the other. Look back upon your life, and realize what would have been the result of perfect health, as to your soul development. The process of growth has been long and tedious, yet also blessed : for through your sensitive organization, which opened you to every grade and qual- ity of influence (whether physical, mental, or spiritual), has come to you steady and persistent experi- ence ; helping you to discover in yourself your reserved force, your staying power, your God qualities, until some comprehension of the divine majesty of your own indi- 54 GOD'S LIGHT viduality has touched you. Gently and lovingly, in no spirit of criti- cism, be watchful of the weak points in your character, and so remodel yourself: not being satisfied simply with daily work dutifully done. a By conscious communion with God-Spirit, even physical warmth may come. Think what that means ! When you demand, there must be response, which only awaits your recognition to make itself felt ; and what is that response ? It is warmth, — in other words, Life in its Essence, perfect, unlimited, to eternity. " Take all helps belonging to the plane on which you stand. God has AS IT CAME TO ME. 55 placed them there for you. Do not try to live upon a higher plane than you have normally reached, there- by creating for yourself the agita- tion and unrest which prevent you from listening to the inner voice. Do not try to control a kingdom over which you do not reign. Only when the waters are calm, can they reflect clearly ; where there is effort there is always strain. Normal growth is as unconscious as the song of a bird, spontaneous and free, replete with life and activity, — it is resistless giving forth. "Spiritual realization is spiritual growth, expressed sooner or later 56 GOB'S LIGHT in harmony of condition and en- vironment. When life becomes seemingly richer, fuller, more har- monious in relation and circum- stance, both mental and physical, then know that condition means greater realization, — that you have grown in spiritual understanding, your spiritual advancement is ac- cording to the depth and earnest- ness of your need ; so work steadily on, not looking for results, knowing that every step accomplished bears its own result. If an unusual reali- zation is experienced, no matter for how short a time, know that there has been some degree of gain which AS IT CAME TO ME. 57 will lead to greater in the future ; just as it is when in walking over the country you suddenly come upon a lovely vista, and know that farther on a still grander one awaits you, then you are content to trudge on, comforted and gladdened by the memory and influence of the bit already seen. " Search for the Infinite in the In- finite Soul, and the problems of life will disappear. If you have not that faith ' which casteth out fear/ you have not grown to it, that is all; but in the pathway towards the ' peace that passeth under- standing/ remember that God is 58 GOD'S LIGHT Infinite Love, that with Him is ' no variableness, neither shadow of turning.' " Whatever experience gravitates towards you, receive it lovingly, consider it as an opportunity, even when it may seem to you hard and repellent. Do all with the power of God within you, and you will succeed. Be alert, and vibrate with the knowledge that needs expres- sion. Trust your own power and ability, make yourself conscious of them, and that very consciousness will bring to the surface what is desired. "You are encompassed by vast AS IT CAME TO ME. 59 horizons, — unlimited heights and depths, awaiting recognition. In time the scales will drop from your eyes, and you shall know that what now seems so hard and insupport- able is Love in its entirety. Truth is stranger than fiction, and all is Infinite Love/' In great weariness of body, I asked one day, " Why am I tired ? " " Because the soul longs for free- dom, while the mind, w T ith its old habit, thinks and works on the physical plane, and so comes the suffering." "What is to be done, then?" "Attune the mental to the spiritual, 60 GOD'S LIGHT until the latter permeates the whole. There is conflict between the grow- ing soul which is trying to express itself, and the old mental under- standing." " Why does not the greater power overcome the lesser ? " " Because the recognition must be mutual, reciprocal. It is the effort of the soul that brings the struggle." "What will accomplish the work?" " Time, experience, constant and ever-increasing steadiness of purpose toward the Light." " How can I overcome this rec- ognition of pain ? " " Hold every thought up to be bathed in the AS IT CAME TO ME. 61 Divine atmosphere, making your- self free and relaxed, porous as it were, that God's Love may freely penetrate. Be still, that ye may listen ! In the silence of the night God speaks. " Normal growth means natural growth, — that which is not forced by condition or circumstance. It accepts the inevitable, and meets all experience from the loftiest ideal of love and trust. Normal growth or development is round and perfect in its process, and from its inherent nature continu- ously manifests itself in larger and ever more beautiful expression in 62 GOD'S LIGHT practical daily life ; and although ex- perience may be full of suffering and weariness, yet these trials, with all their attending conditions, are bright and clear avenues, each one per- fectly adapted to individual need.' , In response to a prayer for light, wisdom, and larger knowledge, this thought was given to me : " Work steadily in patience, reaching out always to your highest conception, knowing that in His time, not in yours, you will be answered. "God in His infinite mercy is law ! God is order ; it is for yon to be- come conscious of it. You still have much trial to go through, but better AS IT CAME TO ME. 63 health will come soon, and you will realize in time that all your past life has been under God's tender protection. In other words, you will be cornered, cramped, and ab- solutely driven for relief, into the depths of your own nature, thereby discovering resources of which you do not dream. You will know that what you have always considered the greatest obstacle in your life is the very necessity which is forc- ing your development, — the lamp which unwaveringly illumines the path over which you individually must pass, to know more and more of God. Learn that all your gifts 64 GOD'S LIGHT and perceptions are not your own, but are God-given, and that you in your divine nature are like the everlasting hills, — God's heavenly storehouses, filled with treasure un- touched and unthought of, — which calmly bide their time, holding in reserve their deep forces and great activities, but always expressing beauty, grandeur, and strength. " When communing with others, realize it is with their highest, or ideal self. Draw from the soul life the pure essence of being; as a bee draws honey from the soul of a flower and leaves the rest un- touched. AS IT CAME TO ME. 65 "The world's standard is not God's; and if your own inner consciousness is true and pure, why, that surely is sufficient, and as His soldier you can march, erect and strong, through every difficulty, knowing that you will finally reach a growth and understanding beyond all that is earthly. 66 GOD'S LIGHT in. " It is your own consciousness or conception of your poor suffering body that holds you in bondage, or at least helps largely to do so. Re- member that all real accomplish- ment is difficult ; but take this stand : 'I as a spiritual being am well. My instrument (or body) does not always agree with me, but it will attune itself to my true knowledge, and I will endeavor to keep my position without flaw, stand- ing firmly on this basis of truth. I will be true to my higher self.' AS IT CAME TO ME. 67 You can hold yourself pliantly sway- ing with the breeze that blows past you, but always rebounding to the true poise, and thereby gain in growth and fibre, steadily drinking in the soul life, until it permeates every atom, and you give as you receive, — unconsciously and freely. Learn a lesson from the tree, which stands erect and grand, — its great outstretched arms giving shelter and protection to all who seek it, bear- ing the close embrace of whatever parasite unconsciously and freely, only becoming more and more beau- tiful in its perfect poise and loving generosity. 68 GOD'S LIGHT " When spiritual experiences come, give them their true value as holy and sacred accessories, illuminating the path, broadening and expand- ing the horizon, but not taking the place of individual accomplishment, adding step by step to some con- ception of Deity, of the Infinite, above and beyond all expression. Hold these experiences in silence and so in perfect purity, and their fruits will be, if unconsciously, none the less surely given, in greater light and divine realization. Let there be no discouragement, but a steady, earnest, persistent determi- nation to work with loving regu- AS IT CAME TO ME. 69 larity, not considering results, know- ing that all true development is according to law. Let spiritual at- tainment be your first object, above all else, and finally life's problems will disappear." At the approach of spring, no matter how ill or suffering I may have been, a joyous perception of fresh life seemed to pervade my being ; and although often unable to leave my room in the city, the consciousness of Nature's quickening close by, breathing from her deep lungs God's accumulated purity, after the still dignity of her long winter's slumber, filled my very soul. During one of these seasons 70 GOD'S LIGHT the following thoughts came to me : — " In spite of the sorrow, there is a note, the tone of which is coming nearer and ever nearer, heralding the approach of Spring, and throughout all Nature there is a quickening and awakening of the life which has lain so long at rest, awaiting the appointed hour. The world little realizes this wonderful lesson, — how the quiet seasons of possible monotony and stagnation are peri- ods of rest, rich with fulfilment and unexpressed life, power, and energy accumulated from past experience. When you have become attuned to this universal Nature, and sensi- AS IT CAME TO ME. 71 tive to the vivifying process, you hear and feel this heavenly bugle- note borne through the atmosphere, filling all Nature with its melody. Be independent of your surround- ings ; then change and external stimulus are insignificant and un- necessary. The distance between the inner and the outer light is more vast than that between the stars and the earth ; and the more you are pushed into that inner development, the more blessed. Life is burdened by shadows, which will disappear as greater spiritual glory is gained. If light seems to come slowly, rejoice that it is so, 72 GOD'S LIGHT and that you have the power to remove the stumbling-blocks that lie in your path, through the wis- dom gained by past experience. Tread lovingly and tenderly in your own divine light, and so illumine and radiate. You have asked for greater understanding of the truth, and it shall be given you, as you earn the blessing. Have no fear; simply trust God, and rest. No matter what abnormal physical or mental conditions face you, do not give them undue attention. Turn from that which is not of God, for He is the only reality." I said : " If through suffering one AS IT CAME TO ME. 73 is unable to rise to a spiritual ideal, and yet realizes the power within, awaiting recognition, which is able to overcome all beneath it, what then ? " The answer came : " Con- stantly pray and commune, know- ing that strength will come, in the Divine order. Say from the depths of your being, ' I will wait God's time/ There is a vast difference between doing and being. We may consciously express in action what we have not yet attained and made our own ; but our i^zconscious actions are according to our true attainment." I asked : " Why is my spiritual 74 GOD'S LIGHT growth so slow ? " The reply was : " In God's great system there are no such terms as 'fast' and k 'slow.' Growth is a process of evolution, dependent upon past and present experience ; and the present is the result of the past. Your past has given you clear spiritual perception, and at the same time strong mate- rial chains ; but through your per- ception will you loosen the bonds." I said : " What is this depression which hangs over me ? " I w T as an- swered : " It is a condition w r hich you must struggle against, — a re- sult of increased sensitiveness, and lack of poise. The effect of spirit- AS IT CAME TO ME. 75 ual progress or development is an increase of finer perception, greater delicacy of feeling, and sensitive- ness to all atmosphere, whether material or mental; and until the in- dividuality in its own purity and strength is sufficiently self-sustained to resist all outside influence, the capacity both for joy and sorrow is infinitely increased. Do not allow the physical condition to overpower you. Be more relaxed, less positive. True, your suffering is very aggres- sive, but receive it more gently, with less resistance, and its power will diminish. Let the waves wash over you without fear, taking the 76 GOD'S LIGHT wetting together with the sunlight and sparkle, knowing that in the experience you absorb from the vast ocean of rhythmical force, God's unchangeable Being. If yon learn through difficulty, it is for you a necessity ; your path, with all its condition and circumstance, its sce- nery and atmosphere, is perfectly adapted to your especial need, your perfect and therefore rounded de- velopment. Do you not see that in this true understanding the whole being yields and relaxes ; that with less resistance there is less to com- bat; and that so the waves will glide over you, leaving little im- pression ? " AS IT CAME TO ME. 77 I said : " It is hard not to have fear, with a suffering history in the background ; " and the voice an- swered : " The loss of fear through entire trust in God is the perfect circle underlying the whole. All are striving to reach that freedom, and the mists of doubt and igno- rance will disappear as you pene- trate and surmount the difficulties before you. All atmosphere both mental and physical, whether sultry and damp, blustering and tempes- tuous, or clear, crisp, and sunlit, is replete with life, power, and force. You can draw help and strength from the enfeebled personality, the 78 GOD'S LIGHT tired animal, or the locomotive. God is in all. Kiss as it were in love and sympathy this Divine essence, and awaken to its vital breath. Open wide your windows in all directions to the One and Universal Mind, and so annihilate the sense of limitation. Hold in silence the spiritual awakening, expressing un- consciously and therefore power- fully. There is nothing so vast or full of wonder as a true conception of Nature (which is the pure and simple expression of God, uncon- scious and free); it is an under- standing of force, energy, and fulfilment, produced by the per- AS IT CAME TO ME. 79 fectly rounded process of law, sub- lime in its direct simplicity. As this is recognized and understood, some perception of the future dawns upon the soul, and it gradually develops into the same grandeur and freedom." There are times when the inner voice seems silent ; and during one of these periods I asked why my usual help was withheld. The an- swer was : " When the inner voice is silent, and you are seemingly alone and unaided, hold fast to your vigorous faith and unwavering con- viction in the Eternal Presence. Open your whole heart to His in- 80 GOD'S LIGHT finite love and wisdom. Be as the little bird, which receives in its mouth the food placed there by its parent. In all perplexity turn to God with the calmness of an assured faith, knowing that this is your only responsibility, and that so your powers are not wasted, but re- served, to be sent forth later with renewed vital force. Do right, ac- cording to the inner light, and recognize that this grand human instrument is not yours, but God's. Each individual must tread his own path, which is filled with experience perfectly adapted to promote his development; and the light which AS IT CAME TO ME. 81 gradually illuminates, shines when he is ready for it, and not one in- stant before. Remember, the force and energy which reap results sim- ply indicate the arrival at an ap- pointed stage in your journey of progress. Rest, in the clear under- standing that waiting does not ne- cessarily mean patient inactivity nor useless effort, but strong, power- ful repose, alive with activity and confident knowledge. Ah, the mys- tery and wonder of Deity which encircles us ! so vast that our eyes must necessarily be opened to it most tenderly ! " It is often hard to bear with 6 82 GOD'S LIGHT patience the peculiarities of another personality, to avoid being worn and dragged down by them ; and at times the very heart seems sick- ened, in the effort to meet lovingly what for the moment appears quite overwhelming. While I was pon- dering this matter, the voice said to me : — " You are sent forth from the Infinite love nature like a flutter- ing bird from its nest, and through trial (or, in other words, revelation) you learn of Him ; therefore every difficult experience is to be greeted with the vigor and life of under- standing and energy. The soul- AS IT CAME TO ME. life speaks only of the one Eternal Life. When you come in contact with a potent personality, whether harmonious or not, recognize in it only the power of that soul-life (per- ceived but not grasped by its owner), and so realize the grandeur and wonder of a soul whose rays shine forth even through material mists. Draw from the Universal Spirit, — the God in all, — and not from the personality of others, which is charged with condition and emo- tion. Let your spiritual flame burn steadily, in spite of draught and atmosphere. Look upon all indi- vidual peculiarity with unbounded 84 GOD'S LIGHT respect and consideration, knowing that in God's system there are no mistakes, but everywhere a divine unity of purpose, and that all the seeming perplexities, and restless, dissatisfied conditions belong to the childhood of humanity. " When you have learned to draw your strength from God, you will say in the face of every difficulty, ' God is here ! He will carry me over ; ' and then let go, and rest. Hold to your absolute faith, and know that no amount of tension can break the real you. Step by step, you will conquer. Recognize all depression and unrest as being ab- AS IT CAME TO ME. 85 solutely apart from God. God is infinite joy, and joy is the essence of life, beauty, and harmony. Be joyous through love of Him ; do all, express all, through love of Him who enwraps and enfolds the uni- verse in His almighty arms. See for His sake, hear for His sake, and rejoice uninterruptedly ; for remem- ber that every step, whether rough or smooth, leads nearer and ever nearer to God. " In the many problems of life, do you realize how filled you are with anxious forebodings? When suffering overpowers all other thought, notice how you strive 86 GOD'S LIGHT incessantly to penetrate the future, receiving with heartfelt gratitude any information or help concerning it from whatever source it may come. Is not this a proof of the coldness of your attitude towards God ? Only in simple dependence upon Him can you receive His help in its full power and purity. When you do your very best under all circumstances, without a single anx- iety or question, God will reveal Himself to you. Breathe the free atmosphere above ; steadily look toward the horizon, seeing broadly all before you. Rest in the great principles, God's eternal truths ; and AS IT CAME TO ME. 87 if at times your eyes droop down- ward, notice how quickly all the detail of experience fades away, — as in Nature the blue haze gathers, and obscures the landscape, spread- ing tenderness and beauty every- where. Lift your whole being, and rest your eyes on the heights, — the peaks of creation ; but remem- ber that although they are in the light, they would be nothing with- out their foundations, and that their beauty is in shadow as well as light. " When you realize the majesty of God's presence within, you grow erect and poised, and become a force so potent that you not only 88 GOD'S LIGHT sustain and hold yourself, but also give forth freely to others. Do as if God had asked it of you, with such love for Him that there is no doing. Indifference to external sur- roundings is not a sign of spiritual attainment, but is often present in the evolutionary process toward that attainment. God — Spirit — absolutely fulfils, not only in one direction, but in all. " Your mistaken interpretation of the evolutionary knowledge of yourself, makes your limitations. When mental or physical force is squandered, its true value is lost. Exaggeration or strain never carries AS IT CAME TO ME. 89 intrinsic weight ; the result is un- balanced, and burdened with undue force. Stand facing the light, and everything melts away, except that which is a part of its Creator. If you work for God, God will work with you. If you work for the world, you must contend with the world's experience. " After hearing of a friend's great sorrow, I asked, " How will it be with her ? " and the answer was : " It is the coming of the dawn in her life. These sad experiences, seemingly so dark and overwhelm- ing, are really waves of revelation, 90 GOD'S LIGHT so rich with creative power and love-energy that for the time they stun and almost overwhelm the sufferer." I soon found that the inner light was not for me alone, but that it solved problems in other lives as well as mine ; and so by its aid much advice has been given, and many letters written, a few of which I am allowed to insert here. A friend came to me one day in much perplexity of purpose, owing to the conflict between the spiritual and material tendencies. The real love and strength were in the for- mer; but worldly ambition and AS IT CAME TO ME. 91 interest were hard to yield, and the question of right and wrong, under existing circumstances, was solemn. In response I gave my sympathy, only waiting for a quiet time to re- ceive the help which J knew would come, and later, the following was given : — " You have become interested in the development of spiritual knowl- edge, and you are living in material surroundings, where worldly ambi- tion fills the atmosphere, and be- tween the two there is conflict and unrest. Now, how is it to be set- tled ? On the one side, develop- ment of power, grand and elevated ; 92 GOD'S LIGHT on the other, strict allegiance to the world, and all which that en- tails : one eternal, the other tran- sitory. You are surrounded by others, who are fulfilling their des- tinies as best they know how ; but you have had the opportunity for spiritual development, and why should you leave your sphere for theirs ? Why stoop from a higher to a lower plane, when you recog- nize the higher ? In the one direc- tion your whole nature expands, in the other all is effort ; and to what does it lead ? Not to your highest and best, which is always free and spontaneous, but to a forced, un- AS IT CAME TO MR. 93 natural condition that is sure to fall short of the ideal. Now, the ques- tion is, Can you live in the world, carrying out your individual prin- ciples without friction and agita- tion? Can you continue to work, widening your horizon as you grow and develop, holding to your ideals, trusting in the Infinite love and wisdom, living in absolute confi- dence that you are walking in God's ways, that man's ways are not God's ways, and knowing that according to the earnest intensity of your desire, will be the loving response ? " Sometimes you can force your- self to do a thing which is against 94 GOD'S LIGHT your inclination, and do it fairly well; it will bear some carrying power ; but the result is absolutely limited, from the very lack of in- herent nature behind the effort; the unnatural push is soon ex- pended, the struggle begins again, and much energy is wasted. Assert your own individuality, your own character ; carry out its motive and theme. Do not try to make an- other individual of yourself; only trust, have confidence, and the quiet, sturdy strength which comes from understanding and conviction will be yours. Eemember that law is universal, and the more you place AS IT CAME TO ME. 95 yourself in harmony with it, the freer and greater will be your powers. Life is full of problems to those who do not understand the principles. You are often weighed down by the problems, but never by the principles. You must follow the bent of your nature, and do your work, thus fulfilling your mis- sion. Be happy, peaceful, and satisfied just as you stand, having sufficient steadiness and indepen- dence to hold your own against the eddies and rapids about you. Apply practically that which you perceive spiritually. When quiet, sustained peace exists, it is always attended 96 GOD'S LIGHT by force. Accept your position or condition as it is, and make the very best of it till it passes. Real- ize it as a phase or expression ne- cessary to yon, and so gladly accept it. Work iviih it, knowing that In- finite Wisdom is guiding you ; and so cease all anxious thought, and restr Dear : I have held your per- plexities up for God's light to shine through, and I write you what came to me through my spiritual understand- ing:— " She is very brave and loyal, and at times suffers much ; but she must not forget that great peace is beyond. Tell AS IT CAME TO ME. 97 her to relax, and accept almost uncon- sciously the daily routine, holding in her trustful heart the Love ineffable which is expressed through every trial and condition. If hard experience is repeated, then let her recognize the need to learn the lesson, and so it will pass. When she becomes conscious of the cause of her failures, and also calm and quiet in her understanding of them, she can act with full-rounded power. If cir- cumstances seem hard and severe, tell her to respond lovingly ; not with re- signation, but with spiritual energy and life, yielding in every fibre of her being, because of the tenderness and beauty of the inspiration. For when her great love-nature is glorified in its freedom and purity, it will permeate and fulfil all GOD'S LIGHT conditions. Her present life is her ne- cessity, and through it she will expand and awaken. God is leading her into the light." My dear : In the early morning, when all except myself were asleep, I called you to me ; hy which I mean that mentally I called your name, and saw your face. I gave my whole attention to you, exactly as I would if you had been present in the body, folding my arms about you, and listening at the inner altar. After a moment I heard the following: — " Poor child ! I call her that, but not in pity, though from her standpoint she may think so. She is learning to stand as well as to walk ; but the first is the AS IT CAME TO ME. 99 greater necessity. Many who are less sensitive stand more easily ; but it is hard for those who are delicately organ- ized to hold their own. She must keep herself in the knowledge of her God- hood, dropping sense of time, realizing that the knowing is the whole. She must expand through every atom and molecule of her being toward God only, and so stand grand and free, fearless and dauntless, until the inharmonious conditions about her soften and har- monize. In stillness let her know the truth ; never trust emotion or excite- ment, whether caused by happiness or the reverse. Tell her to be still, and then act, — holding firmly and freely to the Higher Wisdom, for there is knowledge and power. Her condition 100 GOD'S LIGHT must be calm and quiet, — the quiet that comes from the depth of waters. Agitation and unrest are always near the surface. In the all but impenetra- ble glens quiet and order reign." Many are born with unusual powers, sensitive not only to high inspiration, but to all environment, and until the natural man seeks and realizes the meaning of his com- plicated organism, and the great forces by which it is swayed, he is blown hither and thither, bent and torn, not onhy by passing storms, but even in the lulls of sunlight and warmth by lawless intensity of self- consciousness and waste. We each AS IT CAME TO ME. 101 include in ourselves qualities both latent and expressed, which indi- vidualize us ; and no matter how crudely they may be developed, they are, in their purity, of the essence of God. In order to realize this truth, and one's own grandeur of being, seek to know God, the Principle of the whole, — that per- fect and all-fulfilling Love, which is invariable and eternal. When we learn of Him, we recognize that our wild and reckless suffering comes through the misunderstand- ing of this wonderful human in- strument of ours, with all its mech- anism awry, its marvellous tones 102 GOD'S LIGHT discordant and jangling, its keys, which were intended for heavenly expression, dull and lifeless; and that the disturbance will continue until we understand the cause of the inharmonious conditions, and realize also our innate capacity to control them. This work can be partially accomplished through the intellect, though that path is cold, severe, and starved ; but when the face is turned toward God, and eyes lifted to " the everlasting hills," we relax, and rest in the perfect knowl- edge of His love. Then, through all difficulties we stand firm and dauntless; at times bent and torn, AS IT CAME TO ME. 103 — yes, but only to rebound with added vigor and pliability, enlarged resources and clearer illumination. When we learn through our deep experience, it is blessed, and we " shall enter into peace." We are no longer storm-tossed, but partake of that spirit which in its purity thinks, feels, and sees only its own essence. And what does this mean ? It means that divine repose which is the outgrowth of clear and sim- ple knowledge of our own God- nature. The experiences of life, which bear us often into seeming whirlpools of despair and failure, teach us by degrees the benediction 104 GOD'S LIGHT enfolded in the heart of all, and we finally outgrow our sensitive sub- consciousness, and reach the calm z^consciousness of Nature. Awak- ened, concentrated force is always absolute calm. The following experiences oc- curred at intervals during all the past narrative, and not consecu- tively, as I have placed them here. They came not only when I was just awaking from sleep, but also in my hours of spiritual contempla- tion, and were perceived with my inner or spiritual sight, — subjec- tively, never objectively. At first AS IT CAME TO ME. 105 they simply held my interest and attention ; but gradually the under- lying lesson in every one of them became a factor in my spiritual growth. All through these years I could use my eyes but little, and was confined to my bed or couch much of the time by persistent bodily suffering. In the hours of enforced quiet, although I felt an ever-present energy within me, I was never able practically to call it forth. I was, however, steadily conscious of a large power of en- durance, that would serve me to great lengths if I called upon it; and in my hunger and need I 106 GOD'S LIGHT turned, and drew from that which was within my grasp, — my spirit- ual nature, that from which the necessities of the active world-life often tend to separate us. When- ever the hunger is from the soul, it shall be satisfied. Our success in any direction is dependent upon the force and conviction with which we work, whether in the life of the world or apart from it ; and through my deep longing for spiritual de- velopment the following experi- ences took their place and value as lovely accessories, bringing with them light and comfort. In answer to the reader's ques- AS IT CAME TO ME. 107 tion, which I seem to hear, " How do you explain them; by what means are they given ? " I can only reply that the moment we recog- nize spirit, touch it, as it were, we feel knowledge, we attain without effort, and receive according to our development that which is adapted to our plane of understanding. As we progress, and our nature be- comes more and more refined and elevated, the spiritual food answers to our needs, and what at one time filled us with wonder and satisfac- tion is almost forgotten in new and ever-broadening experience. What- ever has come to me in the way of 108 GOD'S LIGHT spiritual light was as a flash : I saw, I understood, and it was gone. One morning when absorbed in holy communion, the overwhelming sense of God's love swept over me, and with it the perception of a vast pressure of Deity surrounding and enfolding me. Its tenderness was so boundless that I almost recoiled ; realizing it would immerse, nay, even annihilate me were it not of God, whose infinite wisdom shines forth like the stars in the firmament, and who withholds His glory until His child is made ready to receive it. The merciful adjustment in all Nature amazed me, and the benedic- AS IT CAME TO ME. 109 tion of that growth, however diffi- cult, which was preparing me to bear the light, and shielding its rays until I could endure their intensity. In the Fall of the year, when sit- ting on a hill that I love, by quietly watching I can see in the afternoon sunlight, between myself and the rich green foliage of the opposite hill, great streamers of cobweb sail- ing through the atmosphere, and passing over the lake below, only showing their mysterious delicacy when illuminated by the sun ; and this seems to me a good illustration of that which I see and know spirit- ually. They float into my atmos- 110 GOD'S LIGHT phere, and as they are illuminated by my spiritual understanding are recognized by me. When in much suffering, I en- deavored to lift my thoughts into a purer atmosphere, and I saw a landscape swept by a furious wind-storm, with forked lightning flashing in the horizon, trees bent to the ground, and in the heavens above, clouds dark and wild, with rifts of yellow light here and there. T seemed to stand in the midst of all this wild tumult and solemn grandeur, looking at the great passion of the elements as at a thing apart from myself. I AS IT CAME TO ME. Ill only felt God and His holy love and protection everywhere, even in the great forces before me ; and I was filled with a deep calm and rest, and the lesson strengthened and steadied me, and made me quiet. After feeling irritable one day, I went to my room for a quiet hour; and thinking of love in its purity, I saw a flame rising from a pedestal, and beyond it a land- scape covered with snow. The flame too seemed frozen, and I realized that the fire was typical of the Holy Spirit, which my dis- turbed condition had chilled; also 112 GOD'S LIGHT that it would melt and soften when I had earned the blessing. Another day I saw a stretch of country at early dawn, with the sun's rays resting upon it. In the foreground was a still, quiet pool, reflecting- from its surface all the radiant light above ; and I felt that I must be as calm as this lovely sheet of water, illuminated with God's purity and glory. In the quiet of His holy temple, within my own being, should I meet my God, and through deep feeling become con- scious of Him. Again, I saw great black rocks rising out of a perfectly quiet ocean. AS IT CAME TO ME. 113 They were dark, formidable, but stilly typical of reserved power and strength ; and I realized that these rocks in their mighty calm held a concentrated force ready, when the tempest beat upon their breasts, to withstand the swash and fury of the waters until all should be at rest once more. I saw the sun slowly rising above the horizon, sending forth his rays in the still calm of the early morn- ing, lifting into light and glory mountain-peak and valley. All Na- ture became joyous, warm, and beautiful, sending forth from her bosom the very essence of her 8 114 GOD'S LIGHT treasures ; and there came to me a feeling of silence, of stillness and strength, and that so I should feel the power of the inner light, and rise to the heavenly glory within. Once a vision of grand and beautiful scenery was before me. Stately mountains, God's cathe- drals of the ages, pointing heaven- ward their snow-clad pinnacles, and beneath, peaceful valleys, soft and lovely, radiating tenderness and sweetness. Far aloft, I saw a spirit- ual presence majestically moving through the pure, rarified ether. Its form was filmy and celestial, yet clearly defined ; and I realized AS IT CAME TO ME. 115 that within this being was all that made the individual, — the same Almighty Essence breathed through mountain, valley, and child, — and that in the knowledge of that uni- versal companionship we bore no burdens, we carried no cross, for we lived and moved in God. 116 GOD'S LIGHT IV. I saw a gorge of vast depth, be- tween precipitous walls of rock, sparsely covered with firs, and at its base, a mountain river, rushing with a force accumulated from a fall of great height, and sending a volume of spray far above, which bathed the mountain sides with moisture-laden atmosphere. The scene was illuminated by what ap- peared to me sunlight, but which proved to be the reflection from an intense white light above, to which AS IT CAME TO ME. 117 I could barely raise my eyes, even sheltered as I was within the gorge. As I gazed upon this joyous scene, its symbolic meaning floated in upon me, and I realized the immensity of light and glory which I should in time rise to and penetrate, as I grew spiritually. I seemed a part of, and at one with, this universal nature, the value of each being the necessity of the whole. Again I seemed to be looking at, and listening to, Nature in all her summer loveliness, — fields, flowers, song-birds, the hum of insects, and a clear sheet of water reflecting the blue sky above, all bathed in sun- 118 GOD'S LIGHT light. Amid all this sweetness and beauty I saw a spiritual presence, shining with a wonderful self-lu- minous white light, unconsciously giving forth his whole being in song, joining in the vast orchestra of harmony everywhere rising and rolling forth. At times these spiritual experi- ences seemed to pass away from me, and I could hardly realize that such a blessing had ever been mine. In those days life was strangely dull and silent, unfruitful and lifeless; and I had to arouse that which was best in me (if indeed I could touch it) to keep up my courage and AS IT CAME TO ME. 119 faith. During one of these periods of prolonged quiet, so full of prom- ise if we did but know it, this understanding came to me, in re- sponse to an appeal for help: "Take all as it comes ! Rest in the Infi- nite Presence ! In the process of vegetation, there is a period of dark- ness and silence, after which, by degrees, comes the effort upward, when the earth is disturbed and separated by the bursting of the seed and shooting up of the plant to the light and freedom of ma- turity, — each evolutionary stage equally vital and necessary. " In connection with these thoughts 120 GOD'S LIGHT came the following vision, which seemed to enforce the lesson. I saw a sheet of perfectly calm water, with pure, white lilies resting on its surface, their long stems draw- ing nourishment from the rich earth beneath, where from silence and darkness they had come forth to work their way heavenward. With the sway of the water, they seemed to vibrate and breathe, until reach- ing the light, when their sweet natures bloomed forth in purity and fragrance, and they floated and rested in the eternal peace, uncon- sciously expressing tenderness and beauty in sunlight and shadow. AS IT CAME TO ME. 121 When in deep contemplation, I saw soft, gentle meadow-land and rolling country. A lovely summer shower was falling. The sunlight illuminated the misty atmosphere, bathing all Nature in radiance and light, drawing from the soul of even the tiniest of God's creations, the essence of its sweet purity and perfume. This helped me to understand the perfect unity in Nature, the mutual giving and re- ceiving in these natural forces, and that we give spiritually as we receive, even unfolding in holiness and love. Again, I had a clear perception 122 GOD'S LIGHT of woods in the early dawn, and a rush of waters over a sharp cliff into a deep ravine filled with foam and spray. Above the scene was a spiritual being, distinct in form, yet seeming almost a part of the atmosphere, and reminding me of the haze which often rests over the blue dells in the distance. This presence seemed a part of the uni- versal ether and woodland, of all the freshness, beauty, and life about me, and was very gently ascend- ing into the light above, its color changing into shining white as it rose. Again, I saw a woman's form in AS IT CAME TO ME. 123 a higher atmosphere, amid the peaks of creation. The light of the dawn rested upon her. White glis- tening clouds were beneath her, and upon her breast a luminous star. An unbroken circle surrounded and held her in its enclosure. Beyond this were many pillars, upon which were inscriptions, — guides to vari- ous paths. These I noticed she studied and watched with anxious foreboding. As I contemplated this vision, this symbol holding its lesson of help and strength, I re- membered the promise, " To him that overcometh, I will give the morning star." I saw in this form 124 GOD'S LIGHT of anxious expression one that car- ried upon her own shoulders the full weight of responsibility in the choice of her path in life, not rec- ognizing that God's spiritual light was touching and resting upon her; and that in this light, when she was ready, the glory of the Father would guide her through all limitations into His holy ave- nue, in which His messengers would minister unto her, and give her rest. " For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace." One morning at early dawn, when I was lying quietly wakeful, I found AS IT CAME TO ME. 125 myself repeating the Lord's Prayer, with (to me) a new understanding. The application of the whole being within God's holy temple, the indi- vidual being. " Our Father who art in the heaven within, hallowed be thy name ; Thy kingdom come, or reign supreme (and so Thy will be done), in our lower as well as as our higher nature. Help us to recognize our spiritual daily food. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive the sins and shortcomings of our mortal nature. Help us to rec- ognize the temptations of this same bodily state, and so may we deliver ourselves ; for Thine is the kingdom, 126 GOD'S LIGHT and the power, and the glory, for- ever and ever. Amen" And now that I have come to the conclusion of my little narrative, I wish to say a few words in regard to God's principle of love, which is the foundation of His universe, — that which creates, vitalizes, and en- dures to all eternity, and gradually dissipates all that is unlovely and transitory, unreal and non-abiding. No matter how suffering or despair- ing our strained condition and cir- cumstance may be, they eternally fulfil God's law of infinite growth ; and in love all conscious effort shall AS IT CAME TO ME. 127 cease, for we work not for the result, but for the motive ; and we ourselves become that Divine prin- ciple, leaving far, far behind the ocean of turbulence and unrest which it was our necessity to cross and struggle with. I find myself again in the woods, writing the final words in this little history, begun under such different conditions three years ago, when I was so ill and suffering. All Nature is preparing to burst forth into the full glory of earthly per- fection ; the air is laden with sweet- ness, and the birds, — oh, how they 128 GOD'S LIGHT. love, in song ! Every note touches and uplifts all who listen ; their little throats are bursting with unconscious effort, which is borne through the atmosphere, carrying peace, beauty, and heaven's bene- diction. THE END. Deacidified using the Bookkeeper proce Neutralizing agent: Magnes.um Ox.de Treatment Date: Nov. 2005 ill Thomson Pa* Dm* Cranberry Townsh,p, PA 16066 (724)779-2111 I LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 017 077 505 3 ^I