• PS 3525 
 
 * .0288 
 T5 
 
 1912 
 Copy 1 
 
 iughtsOfA Greer" 
 
 Christy D. Maoris 
 
Cfycmgfyts of a (Sreek 
 
 BY 
 
 Christy D. Maoris 
 
 The original price of this book is 50 cents, Ten thousand copies 
 have been donated to the work of the Red Cross Society. 
 
 1912 
 
 DUBLIN PRINTING CO. 
 DUBLIN, GA. 
 

 J* 
 
 e » 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY C. D. MAC R IS. 
 
 •CI.A332864 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PREFACE . 5 
 
 TO AMERICA (Poem) g 
 
 FORWARD 9 
 
 THE BALKANS AND EUROPE (Poem) 10 
 
 THE MAN BEHIND THE GUN (Poem) 13 
 
 KATHERINE AND I 14 
 
 THE SECRET OF THE MOON (Poem) 2 6 
 
 THE RED CROSS 27 
 
 TH1H BLACK HAIR (A Monologue) 29 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA .... 33 
 
 AT YOUR MERCY (Poem) 51 
 
 FEZ VS. DERBY 52 
 
 NOT FOR RENT 57 
 
 HAS THE TIME COME? 64 
 
 TOO MUCH SUGAR FOR A DIME 67 
 
 COMPLAINT OF — 
 
 A Drunkard ™ 
 
 A Bachelor 73 
 
 A Widower 74 
 
 A Married Man 7S 
 
 An Old Maid . . ; 75 
 
 A Fruit Peddler 7g 
 
 CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY 78 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 In presenting "The Thoughts of a Greek" to the 
 public, I consider it my duty to mention some facts in 
 reference to the work in general and its purpose in par- 
 ticular. 
 
 It has long been my intention to publish material 
 of amusement as well as educational. More than once I 
 have attempted to accomplish my such intentions, but, 
 instead, I repeatedly tore up manuscripts to which I had 
 devoted my spare time and time which I ought to grant 
 to my mind and body for rest. The greatest obstacle— 
 and I would dare to say the only one — which has caused 
 me to be dissatisfied with my productions, has been 
 lack of mastering the English language, because, I con- 
 fess, though I am an American in what it takes to ap- 
 parently make one, I am nevertheless of Greek origin, 
 and twelve years' stay in my adopted mother land, 
 America, could not grant me sufficient admittance into 
 the depths of the wonderful phraseology, as well as 
 equal number of years absence from my mother land, 
 Greece, could not deprive my mind of recollections and 
 topics of my childhood days. 
 
 It is natural for humanity to love the country that 
 for the first time one has seen the light of day. This 
 natural fact I will illustrate from my own experience 
 to the results of which this Preface owes its existence! 
 
 When my mother land called to arms all men from 
 the age of twenty up to thirty-five vears for the sake 
 of preserving the sacred Allies' Oath and for the welfare 
 of the Christians of Turkey in Europe, those natural and 
 also sacred instincts within me, rose all of a sudden and 
 dictated me the word "GO." Yes, I must go, I mused, 
 in response to the demand upon my own self. I must 
 at least tend my services to the country which I abandon- 
 ed and of which part of my family composes a portion 
 of its populace. 
 
 With the firm determination to go, I followed earn- 
 estly every movement and change of conditions in tht 
 
THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 Balkans, and while I was entertaining hopes of better- 
 ment and peace, news of declaration of war was an- 
 nounced here and two days later bloody battles were in 
 progress in every corner of the Turkish border. Making 
 my final arrangements to depart, another day passed, 
 and with my usual earnestness, I again sought for news. 
 I glanced at the daily Greek newspaper and I noticed 
 printed on its first page and with large type the follow- 
 ing appeal addressed to the Greeks of the United States 
 by their Highnesses, Princess Sophia and Princess Helen 
 of the Greek Royal family: 
 
 "FOR THE RED CROSS SOCIETY OF GREECE." 
 
 "The Parentage like aid and help to the 
 wounded of those that have fallen for the sake 
 of religion and country, is the most noble duty 
 and above all other duties. More than once I 
 found cause to appreciate the patriotic and gen- 
 erous feelings of our country's children. Hav- 
 ing established a hospital at Athens to be under 
 my attention and care, for the wounded of the 
 war, regardless of class and nationality. I ap- 
 peal to the Greeks all over the world and beg 
 them to help a good cause. SOPHIA." 
 
 "Having in operation a railway hospital for 
 the quicker transfer of the wounded from the 
 scene of battle to Athens and other cities that 
 can accommodate and care for them in the 
 proper way, I appeal to all the philanthropists to 
 lend a helping hand, so the operation of the said 
 railway as well as the accomplishment of the 
 good cause that the Red Cross Society attempts 
 may succeed. HELEN." 
 
 Further investigation of the day's messages convinced 
 me of the fact that it was immediately necessary for 
 me to grant my share of help to the Society of Red Cross, 
 because of a similar appeal that I read in the pa- 
 pers from President Taft, the day's messages also con- 
 tained news of fierce battles and announcing thousands 
 as wounded. I was studying how and in what way I 
 could help IV Red Cross, when, as by a flash, the idea 
 came into my mind— I thought of my long-forgotten 
 manuscripts, which I had neglectfully placed upon a 
 rack. I walked toward them mechanically; I brushed 
 
PREFACE 
 
 the settled dust off them and hesitatingly fell upon a 
 nearby chair. What a good thing it would 
 be, I thought, if I were only able to appeal, myself, 
 too, to my beloved and philanthropic Americans— and I 
 felt certain that each and every one of them would offer 
 the reasonable sum by which they can enjoy these stories 
 and also help a good cause; but how can I do it? How can 
 I do it? The question more than once came into my 
 mmd. I had before me enough short stories, mono- 
 logues, plays and poems to make two large volumes, but 
 every one of them was uncorrected and needed some re- 
 vising, some better composition and some the last 
 touches of some one who would have the somewhat un- 
 selfish qualification to say: "It is correct." I could not 
 say that, myself, no matter how much self-control I 
 could gather; but, alas, the time is short. To attempt 
 to revise or otherwise wait and try to seek the right 
 person who would be able to correct these things, I should 
 have to abandon the idea of helping the Red Cross So- 
 ciety. Immediately I rose from my seat. I selected what 
 I thought would be most suitable, self-amusing articles. 
 I wrote a poem and some imaginary editorials in 
 haste to cover practically the situation and rushed to the 
 publishers with the "bunch." 
 
 Under the circumstances, the reader, I hope, will 
 take into consideration the conditions referred to above 
 in passing any criticism, from which I do not claim my 
 book is barred. 
 
 In passing I wish to mention that the fund earned 
 from the sales of this book will be placed at the disposal 
 of the Red Cross Association of Greece, to be used for 
 the help of the wounded of either nationality, or both, 
 the latter being the most certain, owing to the 'fact that a 
 large number of Turkish soldiers are now under the aid] 
 of tins association at the Greek hospitals. 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 TO AMERICA. 
 
 I express my gratitude and thanks to thee, 
 My adopted Mother Land of Liberty. 
 Count my life amongst your braves, 
 And use it to suit your own ways. 
 Your stars and stripes of red, white and blue, 
 Are symbols of greatness — my hat off to you. 
 
FORWARD 
 
 If Eevolutuions and Wars have been accepted as 
 outbursts of equal rights and civilization, we must look 
 with hope toward the future of the Balkans. Up to a 
 few years ago, electricity and steam were as much known 
 to the natives of Turkey as to the civilized world at 
 the time of Fulton. One desiring to discover the true 
 meaning of the word "superstitiousness" had but to 
 be in Turkey, not a century or two ago, but in the days 
 of Abdul Hamid, at which time electricity was consid- 
 ered an evil spirit and its installation prohibited in 
 the midst of this fanatically traditional race. After 
 Abdul's dethronal an apparent betterment of conditions 
 was noted. The young Turks, with their revolution, ap- 
 peared to be determined to advance toward civilization. 
 Their course, however, was slow and cautious. They re- 
 alized that civilization meant destruction to them and in 
 consequence they abandoned their undertaking at the 
 beginning. "What else could civilization mean to so 
 blood-thirsty a race as the Turks but destruction? 
 Christianity is bound to succeed the Koran's unfounded 
 rules after civilization. 
 
 The present conditions in Turkey do not only dam- 
 age her inhabitants and private affairs, but damage all 
 the Balkan nations. The stagnancy of Turkey block- 
 ades the pacing progress of those nations in competing 
 with the balance of the world. She refuses the passing 
 of commodities through her borders, refuses to connect 
 her railroads with those of Balkan nations, and will 
 not adopt modernism in any form for the welfare of the 
 people. The soil of Turkey is equally as rich as that of 
 France, England and America, but she refuses to exert 
 any effort to extract the benefits therefrom. 
 
 To avoid her destruction by civil wars she keeps her 
 populace in darkness. She cannot, however, do likewise 
 to the Balkan nations and retard their progress. Right 
 is might and is bound to succeed, and the step will be 
 made FORWARD. 
 
THE BALKANS AND EUROPE. 
 
 Even jokes sometimes will help in part 
 
 To cool our excited human heart. 
 My song is dramatic, yet you can laugh 
 
 If regret won't succeed the day aft 
 I'll shout: "All aboard" one time more, 
 
 The aeroplane is going to soar. 
 
 Friend, leave aside the City of Fashions 
 
 And a trip take into Balkan nations. 
 Step, if you're going with my thought's aeroplane 
 
 Unless you choose a voyage— if so, be plain. 
 I assure you, indeed, as sure as you're born 
 
 A volunteer with you I'll come on the run 
 I leave you to decide and make up your mind 
 
 While the scene I change in another line, 
 As Europe says, ' ' No use to talk, 
 Business is business, trust to your luck." 
 
 Every inch of soil, every country road 
 
 Have sucked an immense amount of blood. 
 Every Christian mother in the Balkan land 
 
 A child has lost for some Turkish band. 
 Every maiden dreads and trembles with horror — 
 
 Some lost their religion, some lost their honor. 
 The massacre of Christians is cruel and fierce, 
 
 "Would suffice the heart of Nero to pierce. 
 But Europe says, "No use to talk, 
 Business is business, trust to your luck. 
 
 The martyrs to see we are here at last; 
 
 Today they suffer as they did in the past. 
 Women and children run for their life; 
 
 Thousands already have passed through the knife 
 That pursued mother, I call your attention, 
 
 To save her child she tries with sensation; 
 
THE BALKANS AND EUROPE 11 
 
 Through the dead she runs, but she fell on their pile, 
 The foe caught her and also the child. 
 And Europe says: "Trust to your luck, 
 Business is business, no use to talk." 
 
 The mother fights with Turks and cries, 
 As Turk removes the child's eyes. 
 She calls for help — I say, don't you hear? 
 
 Oh, terror, terror — they cut off his ear! 
 Poor mother she tries to pull him loose, 
 
 But now, my God, they cut off his nose. 
 Religious Europe, won't you AWAKE? 
 "Business is business, trust to your luck. 
 We told you once, no use to talk." 
 
 The curse of the mother and I accuse 
 
 Your business as veil for your excuse. 
 Some day you'll pay these heavy fines 
 
 In gold corrupted from Turkish mines 
 And factories in Turkey and Turkish bonds 
 
 And your other business and great loans, 
 Then you will remember "No use to talk, 
 Business is business, trust to your luck." 
 
 Poor refugees of the Musselman, 
 
 Stricken with terror they also ran, 
 With painful features and wild look, 
 
 Glanced at their homes, and leave took. 
 Poor human beings, I would gladly lend 
 
 If I could a helping hand. 
 Fear not, I assure you, however, 
 
 The Christians to hurt, NO, NEVER, NEVER. 
 Yet Europe says : ' ' No use to talk, 
 Business is business, trust to your luck." 
 
 Where is the mother with the ill fate? 
 
 Alas, I thought of her too late. 
 Some parts of the child were hung with a tape, 
 
 And with a rope the body, without shape. 
 
12 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 The mother, 'tis strange, had no broken heart, 
 
 For her body and head were severed apart. 
 Oh, cruel, cruel barbarians, 
 
 Kemember your children, Bulgarians. 
 The innocent blood that death is reaping 
 In Europe, and think, Europe is sleeping. 
 
 My blood is chilled with broken heart, 
 
 We'll travel on to another part. 
 Oh, this is worse, what dreadful sight, 
 
 Who is the cause of this cruel fight? 
 Thousands of corpse have fallen and fall — 
 
 Men and women, children and all. 
 Women again, they treat her as beast, 
 
 Can't they respect the children at least? 
 Religious Europe, won 't you awake ? 
 My throat is hoarse, I cannot talk. 
 
 Civilized Europe, will you bear 
 
 At the cannon's roar to stretch your ear? 
 Shall I believe that Turk is indeed your pet, 
 
 And the question you refuse to settle of Crett ? 
 Montenegrins the braves are again at battle, 
 
 Do you hear how their swords rattle? 
 Think, however, that it isn't right 
 
 To let that handful army fight. 
 Give the justice — you have the power 
 Or they will take it, and remember the hour. 
 
 Keep in your mind that a human being 
 
 And business and such are a different thing. 
 The world 's welfare depends on you, 
 
 Think with wisdom and do what is due. 
 The Greeks are natives, as native is a tree; 
 
 The Turks took theirs in fourteen fifty-three. 
 I'll proceed elsewhere, no use to talk, 
 Enough said of business and trusting to luck. 
 
 The fire proceeds from every direction 
 
 And a RED CROSS HEROINE draws our attention 
 Of the wounded here manv would be lost, 
 
 Were it not for the brave RED CROSS, 
 
THE BALKANS AND EUROPE " ' 13 
 
 Who in a cry and sigh, ' ' 'mid shot and shell, ' ' 
 
 Like divine beings with the wounded dwell. 
 All glory to you midst that awful racket. 
 Departing for the cause I empty my pocket. 
 
 THE MAN BEHIND THE GUN. 
 
 Venizelos, son of Crete, 
 'Mongst the Greeks your person is high. 
 You are their hero, you're their "IT," 
 Your name with them will never die. 
 
 The Balkans also owe to you, 
 All their victories, all their fame! 
 To you the praise all is due, 
 You were behind every gain. 
 
 Diplomat wise indeed you are! 
 In Athens you speak as against the war. 
 And then of a sudden wide and far, 
 With fire in hand, to Balkans you tore. 
 
 During dark nights you were working. 
 
 When the world was in bed asleep, 
 
 Of armies and fires you was studying and talking, 
 
 So as to plunge the Turk into the deep. 
 
 Extravagant praise I do not give, 
 Not enough I admit, however, 
 When I shout, Venizelos long live, 
 And his fame will live forever. 
 
KATHERINE AND I. 
 
 Before proceeding with my story I wish to preface it 
 by saying that I have decided never to conceal the 
 TRUTH, no matter how near and dear the relationship 
 may be to myself, hence my reason for revealing to you 
 a certain portion of my biography, a portion relative to 
 the most sacred and personal event in my life. First, I 
 have come to the conclusion that I am not jealous, but, 
 fearing that the reader may form such an opinion of me, 
 before proceeding further, I would ask you what the 
 meaning of the word "jealousy" is. You say, of course, 
 you know, but I am alone and cannot hear your answer. 
 Therefore, in my solitude, I will ask myself the question 
 and answer likewise. I will treat the subject myself and 
 try and reveal the true meaning according to the worldly 
 sense. Some think jealousy is a disease, while others 
 term it a branch of insanity. The more skeptical, however, 
 say it's unfounded and foolish imagination associated 
 with a nervous temperament; nevertheless, we must all 
 admit that this great monster, while not directly being ac- 
 cused of being a producer of crime, still, we must confess 
 that it is the mother of much misfortune. Can we avoid 
 this monster? Can we ward off this disease? Have I 
 this so-called disease, or am I in love? I have long come 
 to the conclusion that I am not jealous. I will quote from 
 a pocket edition of the great Webster his definition of the 
 word "jealous." I now turn the pages of this master- 
 piece and, stopping at the letter "J," I read as follows: 
 "Jealousy: Suspicion of rivalry, anxious to defend the 
 honor of." I will not detain you further with this seem- 
 ingly tiresome hypothesis of jealousy. Webster at least 
 gives the clue by saying it's equivalent to "Defend the 
 honor of," and there he stops without defining the kind 
 of honor or whose honor. I will, therefore, continue the 
 definition where the great Webster left off. We must ad- 
 mit that jealousy originates from interest, from concern, 
 from affection, from LOVE. Knowing, therefore, that I 
 am concerned, that I am anxious to "DEFEND THE 
 
KATHERINE AND I 15 
 
 HONOR OF ONE" in whom I hold interest; knowing 
 that I watch with anxiety, with delicate care in secret 
 "SOME LIFE," grant that jealousy is interest and con- 
 cern, both of which pertain to love. Therefore, the con- 
 clusion is that jealousy originates from LOVE. "Who of 
 you is there who have not heard the' ' VOICE OF LOVE 1 ' ' 
 The origin of jealousy being love I am, therefore, not jeal- 
 ous, but "IN LOVE." I have dwelt long enough upon 
 this subject. Remember, however, I am not jealous — far 
 from it — but I am IN LOVE, trying to defend tre honor of 
 Katherine, whom I love. Our love is similar to the ro- 
 mance which we read of in the novels of the middle ages; 
 love then was handicapped, love that existed in the pre- 
 historic ages, and which now exists among the Greeks. 
 The love that furnished gossip for the tongues of your 
 neighbors. Nevertheless, this love I believe is a sample 
 of the true love. More than one life has been lost in their 
 efforts to secure communication with those that they 
 love. A Greek thinks that a lover's duty is to appear be- 
 fore the father of the girl and ask for the hand of his 
 daughter and, upon acceptance, the engagement follows 
 and Cupid is allowed his scope. Personally I do not wish 
 to criticise either the old or new method of love-making 
 and now I will return to Katherine and I. Yes, we 
 loved as only true lovers could. Our parents, who at first 
 objected to our marriage, eventually consented when they 
 saw the power of true and pure love. The wedding cere- 
 mony was barely over when, like a miser carrying his 
 treasure, I took my bride, Katherine, away from the 
 noisy city, away to one of my father's estates in the coun- 
 try to spend our honeymoon there amid the sweet per- 
 fume of the flowers, the singing of the birds, the murmur 
 of the creek and the shade of the trees to live for a short 
 time as if in a very paradise. At the thought of those 
 blissful moments my very heart cries out. Those days are 
 now gone — buried in the "ashes of time." Alas, those 
 recollections, now so bitter, yet once so sweet! I still love 
 my Katherine. Three months had passed away as a 
 dream upon my father's estate, three months of perfect 
 happiness, ere a dark cloud fell. Summer was at 
 
16 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 an end and the trees that had helped to make life so beau- 
 tiful during our honeymoon were losing their leaves, and 
 the birds were taking flight to a warmer clime. So Kath- 
 erine suggested that we return to the city. After hav- 
 ing packed our baggage and secured tickets we left the 
 country for our apartments in the city, both happy and 
 with not a care in the world. But, alas, three days in the 
 city had barely passed when I felt a dark cloud hovering 
 over me. The postman brought with other mail that 
 morning an invitation to a ball that was to take place the 
 following night. I took the invitation and read it, at the 
 same time wondering to myself why these people had 
 waited until the last day to invite us to the ball. But, up- 
 on second thought, I decided that they possibly did not 
 know that we had returned from our honeymoon, and 
 while I was thus studying and was just on the verge of 
 throwing the invitation into the waste basket, I heard 
 Katherine coming and as she entered she greeted me with 
 the usual "good morning" in her sweet, bewitching way, 
 and kissed me fondly, which I likewise returned. I had 
 entirely forgotten that I held the invitation to the ball 
 in my hand. I opened it once more and read it to Kather- 
 ine, at the same time saying, "We are not going to the 
 ball are we, dear?" "And why not?" she hastily re- 
 plied and immediately wanted to know the reason for my 
 not wanting to go. One glance at her face and I beheld 
 an expression that I had never before seen, an expression 
 that I never dreamed it possible for her to possess. I was 
 almost breathless. I realized now that the cloud was be- 
 coming darker. I almost felt the blood leave my face. I 
 saw then for the first time, my dreams of happiness 
 gradually vanish. I saw the same horizon that had each 
 day upon the estate brought us such great happiness and 
 sunshine. I saw it bringing rays of grief, I saw it 
 tinged with venomous poison to destroy our pure love, 
 our joy and our eternal happiness. The cause of my 
 worry and excitement may seem as a trifle, still this fact, 
 the fact that Katherine had not the same idea regarding 
 the ball as I had, her apparent boldness to disagree was 
 making the matter grow more serious in my mind each 
 
KATHERINE AND I 17 
 
 moment. This was the first time she had offered the 
 slightest opposition to me. I looked at her and 
 saw by the expression that she was waiting and expect- 
 ing an answer from me. I was at a loss. I seemed 
 dumbfounded. I at last mustered enough self-control 
 to reply, and turning to her said: "But, my dear, I 
 thought that as the ball season had only just started we 
 would have ample time and plenty of invitations before 
 the season closed, and besides we would be better pre- 
 pared than we are at the present time, as we have just 
 returned from the country." As I finished speaking I 
 noticed a look of despair upon her face. I arose and 
 went toward her with the thought of embracing her 
 and trying to comfort her, but ere I had the opportunity 
 she turned abruptly and left the room| Thinking that 
 possibly I had treated her unkindly I went to her room 
 and there I found her sitting in a rocking chair, the 
 tears like crystals trickling down her rosy cheeks. 
 I felt like a brute and hastened to make amends. After 
 much talking and pleading she seemed satisfied, but 
 only after I had promised that we should go to the ball. 
 I went to the office the next day with a heavy heart and 
 even during the most strenuous moments of my work 
 the thought was ever before me that the castles I had 
 built in the air were being shattered every moment. I 
 began to realize every minute that my expectations 
 would never become a reality. When I came home for 
 the noon meal I found Katherine in a very bad humor. 
 She was indulging in some hot words with the dress- 
 maker, so I did not speak to her lest I might disturb the 
 troubled waters and make matters worse. I had my 
 dinner and returned to the office to finish the day's work. 
 After the office had closed I hastened home to supper 
 and was somewhat surprised when the maid informed 
 me that my wife would not take supper with me that 
 night. I felt as if the very walls of the dining room 
 were closing in about me. This was the first time since 
 our marriage that I had dined alone, and to think that 
 the dance had been the cause of it all. Shortly after 
 supper Katherine sent the maid to me with the unusual 
 
THOUGHTS OP A GREEK 
 
 request that she wanted me to help her dress. I im- 
 mediately went to her room and only one who has been 
 placed under similar circumstances knows how closely 
 the room resembled a dry goods store. The very air 
 seemed full of laces, skirts, hats, pins, ribbons of every 
 color and jewelry here, there and everywhere. She 
 greeted me with "good evening" and asked after my 
 health and with the same breath begged me to help her 
 button her dress. I accepted this somewhat trying or- 
 deal, and with much difficulty I buttoned legions of but- 
 tons. I had never dreamed that this was included in a 
 husband's duty, and at once realized that I had consid- 
 erable to learn. After I had finished fastening the gown 
 I seated myself in a chair near the window to cool my- 
 self, after my somewhat novel experience. I was sitting 
 there as if in a trance when I was suddenly aroused by 
 a kiss upon my lips. I jumped as if from a dream. It 
 seemed as if I had taken a new lease upon life. It was 
 Katherine. Ah! but what is a woman? "What is a wo- 
 man's kiss? The little witch, she has looked in the mir- 
 ror a hundred times with self-satisfaction. She came 
 toward me once more and kissed me again, informing 
 me at the same time that she was ready for the ball. 
 And so we went. I told her she was right, that we should 
 go and that I was sorry for being so mean in not want- 
 ing to let her go, and so we left the house and made our 
 way to the hall. 
 
 During- the Ball. 
 The ball was a grand success. The general mix- 
 ture, the pel-mel, which we call society, those affairs at 
 which most every one is suffocated, at which we push 
 and get pushed, at which one foot generally gets the 
 worst of it; the gaiety, the glorious gowns of the la- 
 dies, the sparkling jewels, etc., etc. In fact, taking it 
 all around, the ball was a grand success. We had hard- 
 ly made our way into the salon when a crowd of young 
 men ranging from the ages of 18 to 30 entered, and I 
 noticed the majority of them were paying undue atten- 
 tion to Katherine. In fact at times I could scarcely 
 see her she was so completely surrounded on every side. 
 
KATHERINE AND I 19 
 
 The audacity of the young blood began to work upon 
 m}* nerves. I could not reason why they should pay so 
 much attention to her. I noticed one offer her flowers. 
 In fact, it seemed that each and every one were trying 
 to put themselves out in order to be of some service to 
 her. She did not even look my way. I was utterly as- 
 tonished at this sudden change. At times I decided to 
 call her and leave the ball room, but upon second 
 thought I decided for the sake of decency that I would 
 refrain from causing any demonstration in the hall, but 
 would wait until we got home. At last the music was 
 heard and the dancers had their partners and were now 
 whirling around upon the waxed floor of the hall. I 
 was seated alone to one side, and, I must confess, with 
 not the best thoughts in my mind, when suddenly I 
 heard a familiar voice call my name. "No use to study, 
 I know it's a hard dose, old man," and upon my turn- 
 ing around I found myself face to face with Mr. Currie, 
 a man whom I had known' since boyhood days. In fact, 
 we were in the same class at school, and I at once saw 
 that he had not lost that vile disposition that he had as 
 a boy. He had always taken pleasure in making light 
 and jesting at another's misfortune. I was not far wrong 
 in my surmise, for he had barely been seated when he 
 commenced a conversation that to an onlooker might ap- 
 pear friendly, but to me, who had known him since boy- 
 hood, I could plainly see the hypocritical friendship. 
 "Well," he continued. "I see you are married. You 
 would not take my advice and profit by my experience. 
 
 Whatever you do don't let your wife " And here he 
 
 stopped. "I think," he said, "we had better change the 
 topic as I can plainly see that it worries you. Let us 
 watch the dance," he continued. "They say there is 
 nothing more interesting than to watch other people 
 dancing. Look at that pretty couple over there at the 
 other end of the hall. They seem deeply in love with 
 each other. I wonder who the girl is? Why, I beg your 
 pardon; I did not notice it was your wife. She certainly 
 does look attractive tonight. I wonder how your friend, 
 Vassilac, feels dancing with her. I heard that they were 
 
20 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 deeply in love with one another before she married, and 
 judging from their present actions I don't think that 
 their love has grown altogether cold." These last 
 words had about tried my patience to its limit, so I rose 
 from my seat, as I felt all that was wicked within me 
 rise, and if I had remained longer to listen to Currie I 
 knew I would forget that I was a gentleman. The sting 
 of his every word was planted deeply within me, yet I 
 could not get away from the fact that he was telling the 
 truth. I looked here and there. It seemed as though 
 all eyes were upon me. I thought I heard some pass 
 unkind remarks about me, but after I had resumed my 
 normal condition of mind I discovered that Currie and 
 a few of his friends were in a group and felt almost cer- 
 tain that they were discussing me. 
 
 "My God," I exclaimed as I thought of the once 
 beautiful girl, the modest, pure and innocent Katherine. 
 When I think of those days and the present, and com- 
 pare them, to think that she has now almost lost her 
 power to blush. I could read upon the faces of those 
 who were about her, the evil that was written upon 
 their hearts. I was broken-hearted and in despair to 
 think that my eyes should behold such a shameful scene. 
 I could not erase from my mind the thought that Currie 
 knew something and had withheld it from me. 
 
 The dancing had now stopped, and Katherine and 
 her friend were the last to stop, and everyone there 
 coula plainly see that their actions while dancing and 
 their present position plainly showed that the viper was 
 doing his work. Leaving the ball room I entered the 
 card room and seated myself upon a chair to reflect up- 
 on what I had witnessed. My usual luck followed me, 
 however, for no sooner had I been seated than I saw 
 Vassilac, yes, Vassilac, the man with a reputation that 
 the Devil himself would be ashamed to own. He came 
 toward me and invited me to play a game of cards, to 
 which I consented, as I felt that I could beat him and 
 that now was my time for revenge. The cards were 
 dealt and as the game progressed I found myself losing, 
 first five dollars, ten, twenty, a hundred, and before I 
 
KATHERINE AND I 21 
 
 could realize it I found I had lost three hundred dollars. 
 I rose from the table, trying all the time to conceal my 
 displeasure, and upon entering the ball room the orches- 
 tra, I found, were tuning up ready for another dance. 
 I looked around and saw Katherine anxiously looking 
 for her friend, who, at the same time, was making his 
 way through the crowd with his hand in his pocket, and 
 as he walked I could plainly hear the jingle of money, 
 and I knew it was part of my loss that I heard the clink 
 of. I was now beginning to despise everybody in the 
 room, when, all of a sudden, I came upon an old friend 
 of mine, a Mrs. Morgan, a lady whom I had known be- 
 fore I was married, and one who had always been very 
 glad to see me, and I thought that a few minutes ' conver- 
 sation with her might help to cool my brain, but I was 
 utterly amazed at the coldness of the reception I receiv- 
 ed. The conversation dragged along for a few minutes 
 when she immediately lurched into inquiries re 
 garding my wife. She asked how we were getting along, 
 and how I liked married life, and I noticed the expres- 
 sion upon her face clearly showed that she did not be- 
 lieve me when I told her that we were happy and per- 
 fectly contented. At this point a voice interrupted our 
 conversation, and, turning around, I saw a red-haired, 
 long-necked and none too pretty looking lady, who was 
 addressing Mrs. Morgan as "mother." The thought at 
 once flashed upon my mind. I remembered Mrs. Mor- 
 gan had an old-maid daughter whom she had been try- 
 ing to get rid of for some time, and like a flash I thought 
 this must have been the cause of her previous kindness 
 to me before I was married. After a few more minutes' 
 conversation with her I excused myself and left her com- 
 pany, all the time congratulating myself upon the fact 
 that I had not fallen into her trap when I was single. I 
 found myself alone once more, and was thinking over 
 and over in my own mind how cruel this world was and 
 the hypocrisy therein. I wondered if I had one true 
 friend in the world. I was beginning to feel very lone- 
 ly, when I heard the strains of the music once more and 
 suddenly arose, but ere I reached the ball room the 
 
22 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 music had ceased, so I went in search of Katherine once 
 more, and, to my surprise, I found that half the dancers 
 had already left the hall and were going home. But 
 Katherine, I saw, was still holding a tete-a-tete con- 
 versation with her friend, apparently with no thought 
 of leaving yet. All of a sudden I felt as if I were losing 
 control of myself. All the experiences of that awful 
 night loomed up before my mind and surged through 
 my blood. I was about to give way to my feelings and 
 commit some awful deed, but instead I advanced toward 
 her and angrily called her name, telling her to come to 
 me. The stare in my face evidently startled her, because 
 she arose immediately and I noticed as she advanced 
 that she turned pale. "What is the matter, dear," she 
 exclaimed, as she stopped in front of me, and as she 
 spoke I thought if she could only read the innermost 
 feelings of my heart she would not have asked the ques- 
 tion. "I feel badly," I responded, "and we must now 
 go home. I at once saw that she realized the desperate 
 condition of my mind, for she stood there motionless, 
 and her hands were trembling. She looked like a statue 
 carved from marble. I stepped to the dressing room and 
 secured her cloak and placed it upon her trembling 
 shoulders, ready to depart, when again the 
 orchestra started to play that detestable piece — that 
 piece of music which Katherine had been dancing to all 
 the evening— the piece they played when Currie had 
 been pouring those vile insinuations into my ears. I se- 
 cured my cane and was ready to depart, when Vassilac 
 appeared at the edge of the gallery and addressing 
 Katherine, exclaimed: "Why, Madam, of course you 
 are not going to leave so soon." Katherine at this point 
 turned toward me with a pleading look in her eyes. 
 "Monsieur," exclaimed Vassilac, addressing me, "I 
 could never believe it possible for you to be so cruel," 
 and turning to my wife, asked her if she were going to 
 miss the last chance to dance that evening. Ere I had 
 time to collect my thoughts Katherine and Vassilac 
 were speeding toward the ball room, while Vassilac re- 
 moved the cloak from her shoulders that I had placed 
 
KATHERINE AND I 23 
 
 there. I found myself once more alone and my mind 
 was a blank. I was gazing ont of a window listening to 
 the wind roar and the rain patter against the sidewalk 
 below, when I was aroused once more by the voice of 
 Katherine. The dance had finished and she wanted to 
 know if I had secured a carriage to take her home, and 
 upon receiving my somewhat abrupt "no" she promptly 
 informed me that her friend Vassilac had kindly con- 
 sented to share his car with her, and they were sorry 
 
 that it could only accommodate two people. ' ' D the 
 
 seats and the car," I murmured to myself and in anoth- 
 er second both had vanished from my presence. I 
 started home alone with a heavy heart and lowered 
 head. The streets were gloomy and the rain was falling 
 faster. I walked mechanically, as if in a dream, on and 
 on, as if I were a somnambulist. I could not command 
 my mind. My uncertain steps carried me once against 
 a tree, and the apparent tightness of my socks and 
 shoes caused by the rain having penetrated through to 
 my bare feet, made me feel as if I were walking in 
 lakes of water. Several times I found myself bumping 
 against telegraph poles and lamp posts. Everything 
 seemed dark. My mind had not awakened from the 
 lethargy that it was in. My hands were stretched out 
 in their effort to save me from additional collision. They 
 worked and groped in the darkness of their own natural 
 instinct. My brain was working in another direct' on. 
 Its state was such that a message of the greatest irapoi- 
 ance could not have reached its cells. An extraordinari- 
 ly strong flash of lightning flashed across the Heavens, 
 and for the time being drove the total darkness I* way. 
 It awakened me from my sleep and brought me once 
 more to my senses. Another flash arid I could plainly see 
 in the distance three men standing together and as J 
 looked I shuddered as I thought I recognized one of 
 them. The news boys were calling "morning paper, 
 morning paper — first edition." I looked at my watch 
 and it was ten minutes past three in the morning. I ask- 
 
24 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 ed myself how long had I been walking. I had not the 
 least idea. 
 
 Upon careful observation I discovered that I was just 
 three blocks away from my home. I was about to turn 
 the corner that leads to my home, and had made up my 
 mind to try and control myself, to try and forget as far 
 as possible the events of the previous night, when sud- 
 denly came upon my ears the sound of someone whistling 
 that confounded piece of music that I had heard so much 
 at the dance that night. I felt as if that piece would 
 follow me to the grave. The sound now became louder, 
 and as the man passed me almost on the run he nearly 
 knocked me into the street, his boot coming in contact 
 with the leg of my pants, but on he went in his haste. I 
 watched closely as he went by me and could plainly see 
 it was Currie. "When at last I arrived home I found 
 Katherine seated in the parlor, and as soon as she 
 caught sight of me said laughingly, ' ' Why how dirty you 
 look and covered with mud. I was beginning to get un- 
 easy about you. You are so late in getting home." While 
 she was thus addressing me I was removing my outer 
 apparel, and after this I walked to my room without 
 saying a word to her. The next morning when I arose 
 I found her at the piano playing. "Let me tell you," she 
 exclaimed, smilingly, "do you remember that piece of 
 music the orchestra was playing at the dance last night? 
 I think it so sweet. I know you would like to have me 
 play it for you. I was watching her closely as she spoke, 
 and her face bore the expression of extreme sensational 
 agitation. In fact, I thought she would faint, Alas, I 
 said to myself: " Currie 's words at the dance were true. 
 I ought to have taken his advice. She is still loving him." 
 "No, don't play," welled in my throat, but my indignation 
 was overshadowed by the tune of the piano, for after she 
 was through talking she wheeled around upon the piano 
 stool without waiting for an answer and started playing 
 — the piece that the orchestra had played — the piece they 
 played when she danced with Vassilac and the same that 
 Currie was whistling when he passed me on the street — 
 the piece that I thought was loathsome, which I despised. 
 
KATHERLINE AND I 25 
 
 While she was playing I thought I could trace tears 
 trickling down her cheeks. "Stop that grinding," I 
 growled, "It makes me sick, and I don't want to hear 
 any more of it. ' ' She turned pale and looked at me with 
 surprise and, without saying a word, went toward the 
 window and seated herself upon the sofa there, where 
 she could see all that went on outside. My eyes follow- 
 ed her every movement. A few minutes passed and I 
 noticed her bow to someone and smile. "Who is that 
 you greeted?" I asked. "No one," she stammered. 
 
 I hastened to the window and, looking out through 
 the glass I saw VASSILAC— VASSILAC. 
 
 A LITTLE GREEK PHILOSOPHY. 
 
 "He who allows his tongue to speak before his mind 
 has no wisdom." 
 
 "He who gives promptly what he promises, gives 
 twice. ' ' 
 
 "He who does not claim to know anything is wise." 
 
 "He who has less right, shouts the most." 
 
 "He who is not good for himself is not good for oth- 
 ers. ' ' 
 
 "He who gives you advice when you need help is not 
 
 a true friend." 
 
 "He who is friendless is a lifeless object." 
 
 "He who knows himself is a philosopher." 
 
THE SECRET OF THE MOON. 
 
 When I throw my memory 
 
 In my past to search. 
 When I think what best I've loved 
 
 Position to reach. 
 When I think of happiness, 
 
 When I was a youth. 
 All in one appear to be, 
 
 As balsam that doesn't sooth! 
 
 Yet, in my heart's beating 
 I hear repeating 
 Smacks of kisses! 
 
 When I gaze at the moon 
 
 I find it the same. 
 The same that I used to know, 
 
 When I was of fame. 
 When I think of Politics, 
 
 When I think of Lecture 
 The time represents a whole 
 
 Quantity of mixture! 
 
 Yet, in my heart's beating 
 I hear repeating 
 Smacks of kisses! 
 
 When I think of my love 
 
 And past sweetheart bliss, 
 I find all, as it has been, 
 
 Yes, very distinct is! 
 This is the song of my heart, 
 
 The secret of the moon, 
 That with feeling so sweet 
 
 She sings to me the tune. 
 Between her beating 
 Kisses repeating. 
 
THE RED CROSS 
 
 The Balkan States have been at war too often to 
 grant us sufficient belief of considering their present war 
 as a sign of final settlement. Yet, we do not hesitate to 
 say that this thrilling difficulty will pass in as much haste 
 as it began, only to reboil under the coyer of pretended 
 peace and to resume its course at some future period more 
 earnestly and energetically. 
 
 We do not ignore the fact that the Turks are fierce 
 fighters and far superior financially and powerfully to the 
 Balkan States. Knowing this fact, the Balkans have 
 always arisen of a sudden and prepared in silence lest 
 their actions should be known and equal preparations 
 and military plans should be made by their opponent. 
 The Turk soldier resembles the wild beast at war. A 
 command of their religion (which, nevertheless, has been 
 amended by International laws and fear of the Powers) 
 commands that "for one to gain admittance into Para- 
 dise, he must have killed at least five unfaithfuls (Jia- 
 ours). This encouragement intoxicates the ignorant Turk 
 at war. 
 
 The mythologically unbelievable advance of the Bul- 
 garians will have as a result a needed armistice, in order 
 to avoid similar error, which caused the downfall of Na- 
 poleon. This armistice on the other hand will have an- 
 other fatal result and that is of giving ample time to the 
 Turks to do what the Balkans were trying to prevent 
 them from doing — to prepare for a final standing and to 
 bring more troops from Asia. Unless the Powers should 
 take a hand in the Balkan situation, the Balkans alone 
 cannot overcome the once strengthened Turk and peace 
 will be proposed and accepted by the exhausted Bui- 
 
28 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 garians. Unfortunately, the whole of Europe is in a rest- 
 less condition, owing to private demands and selfishness, 
 and what will follow next is an uncertainty. The one cer- 
 tain thing to which all philanthropists must turn part of 
 their attention is to be merciful to humanity and es- 
 pecially to those who happened to be the chips of the 
 fearful war-game. Let us all become good Samaritans. 
 Numerous philanthropic institutions have been establish- 
 ed for the betterment and education of the people — some, 
 by the good-hearted common people incognito, some by 
 philanthropic millionaires, whose names the gratuitous 
 establishments are proudly bearing, and some that are 
 covered by a great sign instead of name — the sign that 
 Moses displayed against the poisonous serpents, the sign 
 that Constantine the Great saw drawn between the clouds 
 and by which he won the greatest empire of the world and 
 accepted Christianity; the sign by which humanity was 
 saved— the sign of THE CROSS. 
 
THE BLACK HAIR. 
 
 A Comical Dialogue by a Stage Satirean. 
 
 The clock in the tower of the Laurens County court- 
 house would have struck the twelfth hour had it not 
 been out of order. The moon would have shone had it 
 not been for the fact that the dark clouds hid its light 
 from the streets. The street lights would have been 
 lit had not the weather man predicted fair weather. 
 and the mayor had not ordered the electricity to be 
 turned on that night. So cemetery silence and thick dark- 
 ness would have been prevailing throughout the little 
 city of Dublin had not the monotonous footsteps of a 
 mysterious stranger disturbed the normal silence and 
 his cigar the — darkness. 
 
 This suspicious looking stranger, clad in black, as 
 black was surrounding him like chaos, was noticed exit- 
 ing from a house of a still darker appearance, owing to 
 the fact that the only faint light which was piercing its 
 rays through the glass windows into the darkness was cut 
 off after the departure of the doubtless guest. 
 
 Once at the pavement this mysterious stranger 
 seemed to employ great effort to discover the hour that 
 his watch indicated. Again and again he tried, but in 
 vain. He looked around him as though in search of 
 some light by which he could enable his eyes to discover 
 the hour, but there was none in sight, yet he did not 
 abandon the idea; he insisted upon looking at his watch 
 as though the knowledge of the time was inevitable and 
 assisted by a new thought he puffed at his cigar vigo- 
 rously. But, oh, what a dreadful sight! There by the 
 side of his body, a shadow appeared, a mysterious out- 
 line was standing as though it wished to know the hour 
 also. The stranger proceeded and the shadow vanished 
 out of sight. Was it a ghost? Unfortunately for the ob- 
 
30 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 server — if any — the shadow was visible only at every 
 puffing of the stranger's cigar. Crossing Belleview Ave- 
 nue the mysterious stranger directed his noisy footsteps 
 toward the residence part of the city, waking the silence 
 as he passed. Finally he stops in front of a fairly good 
 looking house and knocks nervously at the door and 
 upon that being opened he disappears through the hall. 
 He had been there but a few minutes when cries indicat- 
 ing distress were heard. Who can this mysterious party 
 be, and which the house therein ? Can it be a policeman ? 
 Impossible at this hour of the night. Can it be a thief 
 or some villian followed by the shadow of his criminal 
 career? 
 
 It is not necessary for me to keep you in doubt any 
 longer. The subject is too scary, therefore, I'll explain. 
 The mysterious stranger was myself, the mysterious 
 shadow was my shadow. You know me and therefore I 
 do not find it necessary to describe myself further. The 
 house that I left was the home of one of my school-day 
 sweethearts, whom I have been visiting. The house that 
 I entered was my own home, the cries were from the 
 tongue of my wife, the daughter of by mother-in-law. As 
 soon as the door had been opened by the servant I walk- 
 ed through the hall, thence to the library, thinking that 
 if my wife saw me entering the bed room from the li- 
 brary door she would possibly think that I had been 
 reading or writing and little would be guessed or thought 
 of my absence. When I entered the library door, how- 
 ever, I found myself face to face with the daughter of 
 my father-in-law — my cruel wife, bless her soul! On the 
 table I noticed with terror an Indian cane, which had 
 previously damaged my head and nearly broken my 
 back. It had been carried to the shop for repairs sev- 
 eral times. Mustering all the courage I could I greeted 
 her with my usual "Good evening, sweetheart." "You 
 mean to say good morning," she replied abruptly. 
 ' ' Where have you been till this hour of night ? ' ' she added, 
 rising from her seat and coming nearer, examining me 
 with her fearful eyes from head to foot as though she 
 was expecting an answer from my coat instead of my 
 
THE BLACK HAIR 31 
 
 mouth. I stammered something about the extra work 
 that I had to do in my office, at the same time dodging 
 my head in anin ipation of a wallop. "Of— -ffi — ce," I 
 said as I saw her raise her hand toward my head, but 
 she did not slap me. She had no intention of slapping 
 liv . She was examining some article located on my 
 shoulder. I was so nervous that I thought my shoulder 
 was on fire. I tried to s?e my cross-examined pari to dis- 
 cover the object of her inspection, but I saw nothing. 
 Finally she picked something from my shoulder and 
 raised it triumphantly in the air. What do you think it 
 was? A black hair. Yes, she was holding it by the end, 
 and while it dangled parallel with her body it looked like 
 a rattle snake of endless dimensions. I was so excited I 
 tried to explain that it was one of her own hairs, but 
 luck was against me, because my wife's hair was light, 
 and the one which she held was as black as the ace of 
 spades. The cane she held in readiness to give me a 
 lesson in future to visit sweethearts who had the same 
 color of hair that she had. 
 
 The clock of the AMUSU THEATRE was striking- 
 three and I had already received four applications from 
 the Indian cane. 
 
 Oh, you husbands! Rough and civilized, good-look- 
 ing and ugly ones, faithful and deceivers, blind and see- 
 ing, I hate you (not)! 
 
 Oh, women! Good and bad, beautiful and hideous, 
 sincere and untrue, light and dark, I despise you! I des- 
 pise you from the bottom of my heart. I wish that I 
 was a Nero to make you suffer, a Sultan or an Indian 
 Prince, so I could kill you or burn you alive. I wish 
 
 that I was a I don't remember what. Cruel as you 
 
 are I love vou. 
 
 When Greek Meets Greek. 
 
 Greek Waiter: "Chef, do vou know what it takes 
 to fry Turkey?" 
 
 Greek Cook: "Greece and strong Bulgarian fire. 
 Serve with mountain greens." 
 
32 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 INSTEAD OF REFRESHMENTS. 
 
 Correct, Sit Down. 
 
 School Teacher: "Willie, which is the longest day in 
 the year?" 
 
 Willie: "The day that I was kept in." 
 
 Let Him Go. 
 
 Judge: "Put the prisoner under five hundred dollar 
 bond, Sheriff." 
 
 Sheriff: "Judge, I think you had better make it five 
 dollars, so he '11 skip and we '11 get rid of him. ' ' 
 
 Trust to Your Luck. 
 
 Turkey: "Janum Afenti the Bulgarians ruined me; 
 give me some advice." 
 
 Powers: "Sorry, but we have none to spare." 
 
 He Is the Guy. 
 
 The W. & T. Limited, while at full speed, killed a 
 mule. The engineer, fearing damage, stops the train and 
 while examining discovers an Ethiopian under the en- 
 gine. 
 
 Engineer: "Who are you, there?" 
 
 Negro: "Boss, I am the man that was riding the 
 mule that the engine killed." 
 
 School Pupil: "James, your mama's ma, your papa's 
 mother-in-law and your grand-ma, how many persons 
 make?" 
 
 James: "Three." 
 
 First News Boy: "Oh, cut that hollering out. 
 Second News Boy: "Loan me your saw." 
 
Uncle Rufus and His Daughter Delia* 
 
 OR 
 THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER. 
 
 At the opening scene of this comedy drama, we find 
 Uncle Rufus in the City of New York and upon the 
 street. He begins relating his troubles to the reader as 
 though he had but a few moments ago arrived in the 
 metropolis, yet his appearance does not confirm this to be 
 a fact. His shoes are silent witnesses to how long he has 
 been walking, not only in the streets, for the streets of 
 New York could not have the mud and material to apply 
 to this innocent man's shoes, but anywhere that his un- 
 certain steps carried him, including the suburbs. What 
 else could he do ? Fifty summers, which he carried upon 
 his shoulders, had been spent in the little village of Una- 
 della. He did not knew any one in New York before now 
 and he did not care about knowing any one. Neverthe- 
 less he came to New York in search of some one, and, 
 though the being that he was seeking was dear to him, hii 
 sufferings have been so disgusting that he regretted 
 more than once the moment that he made the decision to 
 depart from home. 
 
 CHAPTER I— ACT I. 
 
 Musical. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: So here I am in New York City, 
 To look from house to house for Delia, 
 And if I find her I won't have pity, 
 I'll fetch her back to Unadella. 
 
 She was sick one day upon the mattress, 
 
 I don't believe she was — she just won't work. 
 
34 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 She told me, "Pa, I'm going to be an actress, 
 I can't stay here, I'll go to New York." 
 
 And so one day we lost our Delia, 
 
 The day was Friday, sundown late, 
 
 We look 'd up and down all over Unadella, 
 
 But she couldn't be found even in the state. 
 
 This is a story that I hate to relate, 
 Delia, Delia, where is your fate? 
 
 That was five years ago, 
 
 From the shock the town was getting better, 
 
 When a city guy hollers hello! 
 
 Your daughter says here's a letter. 
 
 The day was Friday I was curing Pork, 
 That was after the Georgia "peach," 
 The letter said that she was in New York, 
 A leading lady and very rich. 
 
 A leading lady to me was a mutt, 
 As urn jh hs she would have said my pipe, 
 Friday and Friday are double tough luck, 
 As tough was my oxen's tripe. 
 
 "I tell you pa, what's the fact, 
 I 'm going to New York to act. ' ' 
 
 The crop was good and cotton was paying, 
 
 Ma was picking with some help at work, 
 
 I show'd her the letter and she show'd me the train, 
 
 To take at once and go to New York. 
 
 I listener 1 to her I don't know how, 
 I put on my boots and packed my trunk, 
 I told Mr. Johnson to attend to the plow, 
 And Jash the tiger got me drunk. 
 
UNCLE R UFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 
 
 35 
 
 Some clothes I bought from Williams' store 
 I was drinking a little, couldn't hardly walk, 
 My trunk and to the depot next I tore, 
 And here I am right in New York. 
 
 Coming out from Williams' store 
 I promised myself to drink no more. 
 
 When or where or how I have come, 
 Do me the favor and don't ask me at all, 
 I have suffered, brother, for long, so long 
 I hat I am ready and about to fall. 
 
 The convicts that they put in old Sing-Sing 
 Have never suffered as I did 
 For three nights I haven't slept a wink, 
 I drank a little but I didn't eat. 
 
 I thought New York was large as Unadella, 
 Or hundred times larger about, 
 In searching around for my Delia 
 J find no limit, nowhere to get out.' 
 
 And Friday is different in old New York 
 Ine country man had to cure his pork. ' 
 
 I walked I reckon a thousand miles 
 Accepting many a hobo's licks, 
 My feet need water, my corns need files, 
 Iney are hard as are my golden bricks. 
 
 My troubles now have one more page 
 Down to some opera I'm going to see' 
 I hey tell me Delia's working on the stao-e 
 And then for DIXIE, that's all for me 
 
 (Departs). 
 Immediately after the departure of Unele Rnf,,„ 
 fro,„ the street the wind starts blowing and great ]o2 
 
 ?J n :l ar(, r n 11 ke ?% swee " in * "• itl1 fcy bS papers 
 and other light articles. Between these thing 'JKgg 
 
36 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 is a hat, which Uncle Rufus is pursuing to rescue. It was 
 his hat, which was taken away from his head by the sud- 
 den gust of the wind. He returns to his previous posi- 
 tion breathing fast, dusty and with his umbrella broken 
 and inside out. 
 
 Oh help, it flies with trash, 
 There goes my hat, 
 Terrible, by gosh, 
 Is this city draft. 
 
 (At a turn of the wind currents the hat drops close 
 by, Uncle Rufus runs after it and steps on same uninten- 
 tionally, then he stoops and picks it up). 
 
 Look, by jemminy, look! 
 
 Flat hat like pie, 
 
 Umbrella in two, (He examines it). 
 
 And that is no lie. 
 
 (Mournfully). 
 Hold me, I am falling, 
 I am going to faint, 
 My head is rolling, 
 And nothing is plain. 
 
 (After brushing his coat off). 
 What awful wind, 
 And what a dust, 
 It came with a bing 
 And I got lost. 
 
 It pushed me like a goat, 
 To walls and ditches, 
 Look-a-here my coat, 
 Look-a-here my breeches! 
 
 I had better trot 
 And find my Delia, 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 37 
 
 "Adieu" hat, 
 Good bye, umbrella. 
 
 And soon I'll be gone, 
 Back to Unadella, 
 If I've got to go alone, 
 Without my Delia. 
 
 (The weather gets cloudy, a few drops of ^ain 
 fall). 
 It's raining, I'd better flee, 
 Lightning, thunders and what all, 
 My shape now is like a T. 
 And, besides, I caught a cold. 
 Amptchum-m. 
 
 Oh, it rains, sure, I see, 
 
 Good gracious alive, 
 
 The streets look like a big ol' sea, 
 
 And I make a dive. 
 
 Blum — Blum. 
 
 Good heavens to the letter, 
 Ah, the weather at last, 
 Is getting a little better, 
 The rain has passed. 
 
 All have chang'd with a so — long. 
 Except me who will remain, 
 Why, of course, like a hog, 
 That in the mud back home is lving. 
 
 Far away from New York 
 Good bye Broadway, 
 I am going to work, 
 From you to keep away. 
 
 (He departs). 
 
38 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 (We are now at the dressing room of a certain op- 
 era house. A number of girls are engaged in dressing, 
 massaging their faces, and otherwise preparing for the 
 performance). 
 
 (Uncle Rufus enters). 
 Hello gals, how's you all? 
 Hope your folks well the ' are. 
 My Delia, I am told, 
 Lives in here. Some call her Star. 
 
 My name's Rufus Brown, 
 But excuse me are you naked! 
 I'm from a Georgia town, 
 And I'm tired, I feel I'm baked. 
 
 Fellow by the name of Beavens, 
 Says about Star is fool, 
 'Reckon he mean'd the stars of heaven, 
 'Cause he said of honey moon. 
 
 Tell me, girlies, please, I beg, 
 Is my Delia here, the Star ? 
 
 GIRLS: Pshaw, our mistress' pretty leg, 
 Sticks you guys like tar. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: When she was only but a bit, 
 
 Girl was daughter of mine. 
 GIRLS: So you're looking for a tip, 
 
 This is not Georgia pine. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Tell me then, if you will, 
 
 I'm not a fool, I ain't lieing. 
 GIRLS : Give each a ten dollar bill, 
 
 Or some jewels hand behind. 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 39 
 
 3LE RUFUS: Tell me or else I'm going to tell, 
 Something that would hurt your feelings 
 ;LS: If you'll tell you'll be in hell, 
 We '11 spank your durn reelings. 
 
 3LE RUFUS: I'll tell it by gosh, 
 LS : Tell it, tell it, old grandpa. 
 ]LE RUFUS : Every one of you is trash. 
 LS : Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 )LE RUFUS: I'll tell it, I'll tell it, 
 Here it goes like a popper. 
 Tell it, but you have to beat it, 
 Back to your Georgia cracker! 
 
 !LE RUFUS: Here it is on my lips. 
 
 LS: Tell it, tell it, old grandpa. 
 
 !LE RUFUS: You are nothing but dead-beats. 
 
 LS: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Delia enters at this instant, dressed in a magnificent 
 3 and speaks to the girls. 
 
 LA: A merry laughter, girls, is rather 
 
 >LE RUFUS: My child, my Delia! 
 
 LA: Father, father! 
 
 !LE RUFUS: Yes, your pa, from Unadella. 
 
 Uncle Rufus and Delia are embraced. The girls look 
 e scene in wonder. (The curtain drops). 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 We are now in a parlor at the apartments of Delia. 
 room is richly furnished. In one of the chairs 
 ?htfully sits Delia, resting her head upon her palm, 
 }r elbow against the arm of the chair. 
 
 A., (Alone) : I must tell him, indeed, 
 lough I love him dear, 
 
The years that he used to know, 
 His Delia on a bench, 
 Are years of very long ago, 
 Now the times have changed. 
 
 He'll spoil my only hope, 
 He'll throw only hot air, 
 And so I will never elope, 
 With my millionaire. 
 
 A great actress like me, 
 Having friends by the pile, 
 Her father also must be, 
 A man of the style. 
 
 I'll send him to his ranch, 
 For the sake of my fame, 
 He can't speak a bit of French, t 
 "What a shame, what a shame. 
 
 My beaux must never know, 
 My Harry Mr. Parker, 
 That his future father-m-law 
 Is a country cracker. 
 
 He must, must pay this bill, 
 Because the time is pending, 
 He must go to his field, 
 Before the wedding. 
 
 A great actress like me, _ 
 Having triends by the pile, 
 Her parents also must be, 
 In up-to-date style ! 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 41 
 
 Uncle Rufus enters the parlor holding a colored 
 andkerchief and he wipes his face with it while he is 
 jated on the piano stool, saying: 
 
 FNCLE RUFUS: And so child, we harvest 'd some rye,, 
 Cotton is good and plenty the meat, 
 Your mama though liked but little to die, 
 But she's living and you she waits to meet 
 
 )ELLA: To meet me, Pa? I should say never! 
 
 INCLE RUFUS: Don't say a word, don't don t say a 
 
 word ! . 
 
 )ELLA: I am here in New York to stay forever. 
 INCLE RUFUS: Stay and kill her then, pray, oh Lord. 
 
 Lord, my Lord, to you I pray, 
 You know what I suffered in Unadella. 
 And now like a dog here I lay, 
 Punish, Lord, my child not, but Delia. 
 
 OELLA: Father be calm and I am loving, 
 All my family's relation list, 
 Do me the favor, the Duke is coming, 
 Don't say a word, for a while, at least. 
 
 Col. Hazlarburst, L. L. D., enters, dressed in mili- 
 tary uniform. He offers a bunch of roses to Delia, say- 
 ing: 
 
 HAZLARBURST: "Bonzour-parol" your ladyship, 
 DELLA: Oh, many thanks, my dear heart. 
 UNCLE RUFUS: What is that about the ship \ 
 HAZLARBURST: What country-man is that? _^ 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: I'm Delia's pa, who are you, Bill? 
 DELLA: "What?-Oh, yes, (Aside) Shut up that mouth 
 HAZLABURST : Oh, Monsieur Bonzour, how do you leel ( 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Tolerable well, I am from the soutn. 
 
 DELLA: Colonel, I have sent for yon, 
 To come on invitation, 
 
42 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 "With love I wish to thank you, 
 For your noble protection. 
 
 HAZLARBURST: "lam ready your orders 
 To the letter to fill, 
 If you '11 command me even murders 
 To commit, I'll kill. 
 
 Believe me, Miss Delaniaire. 
 DELLA: I believe you, you are true, 
 HAZLARBURST: My sword, "Mon cher," 
 
 Is sharp and passes through. 
 
 I'll kill any brute, 
 That would be so mean, 
 To glance even at your boot. 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Don't, don't, it's a sin. 
 
 HAZLARBURST: Your eye's my herald, 
 
 Wink it and I fall. 
 UNCLE RUFUS: I swear that there feller, 
 
 I don't like at all. 
 
 ^ZLAJJBURST : On your knees my ' ' Petite ' ' dove, 
 UhiLiLiA : 1 thank you again, 
 HAZLARBURST: If you'll only call me love 
 
 Take my heart and hand ! 
 _ Now then, about that date, 
 
 DELLA: Tonight, my dear at eight, 
 And if I happen to be late, 
 Do not fail to wait. 
 
 HAZLARBURST : Without a question, but now good by* 
 My heart shakes like a leaf, y 
 
 UNC^RU^tW^ C0l ?i De1 ' g °n° d bye ' g00d byeI 
 UJSJOLE RUFUS: You all come, Coroner— good day, chiei 
 
 (Hazlarburst departs). 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND H IS DAUGHTER DELLA 43 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Now, child, tell me, please, 
 This question on my tongue I carried, 
 Since I saw that Chief of P'lice, 
 Is he your husband? Are you married? 
 
 DELLA: Why, father, what are you talking? 
 The man that you saw is a great Duke, 
 It's very true that I am hoping, 
 To call him husband of my hook. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Add Dukes and Hooks and you'll have 
 crooks, 
 And hash and trash and foolish tricks, 
 Look here, your Coroners and Dukes, 
 Look, they sold me for gold— bricks. 
 
 Look-a-here, Delia Brown, 
 Leave those Dukes and Hooks alone, 
 Pack your clothes and let's go down, 
 Hurry, get ready, let us be gone. 
 
 DELLA: There is the door and if you wish be gone 
 Or I'll call my valet Lacket, 
 To make you so you'll leave me alone; 
 I order here, and not your racket. 
 
 (Delia Exits wrathfully). 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: By jemminy, you'd better be gone. 
 Dog-gone you, run me way, 
 I say! do we raise children for fun, 
 Or is a debt that we all have to pay? 
 
 He looks absent mindedly toward the direction that 
 Delia exited. In the meantime Mr. Harry Parker enters, 
 and he looks around the room as though he is in search 
 Df some one. 
 
 BARRY: Oh, Delaniaire is not here. 
 (Addressing Uncle Rufus). 
 Monsieur; Les belles-la-belle? 
 
THOUGHT S OF A GREEK 
 
 (Aside) Country no French. (Aloud) I say, do you 
 hear? 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Oh, go to hell. 
 
 HARRY: "Diable pist," sir, for the love 
 Of my honor, I'll make you iuel 
 My witness I'll send and here's my glove 
 I throw at your feet for a duel. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Thank you, sir, for you I'll lift, 
 My hand to take an oath, 
 That sure would make a nice gilt, 
 Were you to give me both. 
 
 But better keep; it's too much bother, 
 HARRY: Sacre-I say duel, figh t ^th B ^rdl 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Let me see, oh, to fight with each otneri 
 
 I? No, no, no — not me like a lord. 
 
 But remember, Yankee, I've got a heart, 
 And with this old knife in my pocket, 
 I'll work on you and do my part, 
 I know who you are— your name is Lacket. 
 
 I can kill you and her as I'll kill two snakes, 
 My honor to save and my name, 
 Which in this city of Hell she takes, 
 And spots it with spots of shame! 
 
 HARRY: Hold on, I sympathize and pardon the dodge, 
 Your face is honest, I wish to be plain, 
 And I ask you in English and not m French, 
 Are you unhappy? Have you to complain? 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: I can't speak; my heart is heavy as 
 
 lead, . ., , 
 
 Had a daughter here ; oh, it 's terrible. . . 
 HARRY: Poor man, I guess she is dead. ,-v 
 UNCLE RUFUS: I've been happy once, but now l m 
 miserable ! 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 45 
 
 HARRY: Oh, the day of happiness ought to forever 
 Stay with us and leave us, never! 
 To keep the day of sorrow out, 
 For cries and sighs and such to look out. 
 
 Our dreams and hopes of happy imagination! 
 The day of grief changes with sensation! 
 And he who is loved and love is returning, 
 Wakes alone, think alone in the morning. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: In the morning not, but evening of my 
 life, 
 As sorry, as friendless the name to call, 
 Of the man that will call her ' 'my wife, ' ' 
 Or rather to suffer as I have, that's all. 
 
 HARRY: Courage, old friend; we can't help if she's dead. 
 UNCLE RUFUS: The tiger is living in a human's lair, 
 
 To lay she ought to, in the death's bed! 
 HARRY: "Oh, horror! horror! can it be Delaniaire? 
 
 Delia enters and seeing Uncle Rufus still in the par- 
 lor, she says: 
 
 DELLA: Oh, you are still here; I thought you were gone. 
 (Advancing toward Uncle Rufus she observes Har- 
 ry for the first time). 
 
 "What! Harry here in the parlor alone? 
 UNCLE RUFUS (Departing) : I've been here, but now— 
 so long! 
 
 HARRY: Miserable girl! I know you no more — so long! 
 (Harry, assisting Uncle Rufus, departs). 
 
 At this sudden change of Fate, Delia, seeing the man 
 that she admires depart, fearing that she was to be sepa- 
 rated from him forever, she stood at her position for sev- 
 eral moments motionless. Her theatrical experience 
 could not prevent the embarassment. Her pro- 
 fessional elements were at war with the tenderness^ of 
 parentage and with that pure, natural, divine feeling 
 
46 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 which we call love. The mistreatment was absurd and 
 yet something within her was telling her continually 
 that he acted gentlemanly-like. She despised him and 
 yet she idolized him. She felt the love for that only man 
 whom the pretense of her profession was never placed 
 as a mask, gain more and more ground within her. Ex- 
 cited beyond description she was gazing toward the door 
 through which father and lover made their exit. Final- 
 ly, as though she was awakened from the lethargy by an 
 awful determination, she rushed toward the door like a 
 maniac, exclaiming: 
 
 Oh, help! Harry, my love, loafer! 
 Coward, wretch, villian, or rather, 
 3 Angel, I love you and I suffer. 
 Has the curse begun of my father? 
 
 (Regretfully). 
 Oh, Lord, pardon my sin, 
 My father I have run down, down. 
 Oh, miserable me, yes, sinner I have been, 
 Father, dear, my name's Delia Brown. 
 
 Exhausted, she falls upon a nearby chair, thinking. 
 In the meantime a messenger enters. 
 
 MESSENGER: A message I brought, quick as the air, 
 The manager told me to come, 
 Please sign your name, Miss Delaniaire, 
 Thanks for the tip — better than none. 
 
 And thus saying, the messenger departs, while Del- 
 la exclaims after she reads the message aside: 
 
 DELLA: A cruel misfortune will follow another, 
 The theatre will close for a year's regulations. 
 Oh, have mercy, spirit of my mother, 
 Deserted, and my money all in speculations! 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HI S DAUGHTER DELLA 4 7 
 
 Her last words were hardly uttered, when another 
 messenger entered, saying: 
 
 MESSENGER: A message, please, from the exchange, 
 (And so saying delivers the message to Delia and 
 
 exits). Delia reads: 
 
 We regret to announce, Miss Delaniaire, 
 Your stocks fell to pieces, though it's strange, 
 Tremble as we do, your millionaire! 
 
 (With a sarcastic laughter). 
 Oh, you crazy fools, all at the exchange, 
 Tremble my Harry, but take my release, 
 With father I'm going back to my ranch, 
 With my poisonous stocks, do what you please. 
 
 And our genuine Delia, with visible determination 
 to divert from the self-made professional Delaniaire, does 
 not even attempt to comb her hair, but hurriedly she 
 opens the door and disappears through the crowded 
 streets. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 We carry the reader now to the office of Mr. Harry 
 Parker, the young man who commands millions. The 
 room is luxuriously furnished. We find Mr. Parker at 
 his desk hanging the receiver of his telephone. His face 
 indicates sorrow accompanied with anger, doubtless 
 caused by the telephone conversation that he had. At 
 one of the corners of the room and on the opposite side 
 of Mr. Parker, Uncle Rufus is seated, bearing on his face 
 equally heated features. Besides Mr. Parker and Uncle 
 Rufus a number of servants can be seen in the rear 
 several of them standing erect like statues and indif- 
 ferently waiting their master's order or dismissal, and 
 others comfortably seated with musical instruments in 
 their hands. I can't keep from mentioning in passing 
 that Mr. Parker is nick-named by his friends as "The 
 American Sultan." 
 
48 THOUGHTS OP A GREEK 
 
 HAERY: I ordered the manager to shut down the place, 
 Providence dictates me, or something unknown. 
 The exchange curses me, has lost its pace, 
 And even myself, I am out of my own. 
 
 (He sings). 
 My Delaniaire, my pretty girl, 
 My love, you give me pain, 
 You've set my heart on fire — real, 
 And cruel is the flame. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Oh, my Delia, 
 
 I'm all alone and lonesome, 
 I'll be happy, 
 
 To die on your bosom. 
 
 Like a dry leaf I'm faded, 
 Believe me, my Delaniaire, 
 And by the wind I'm carried, 
 Here, there and everywhere. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Oh, my Delia, 
 
 Without you I 'm lonesome, 
 I'll be happy, 
 
 To die on your bosom. 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Now, my friend, I leave you, though I 
 hate — 
 
 HARRY: A few more moments and then you'll fret, 
 My plan's the result to see; wait, 
 I know Delia's heart and she'll regret. 
 
 Mr. Parker predicted the truth, and to the surprise, 
 as well as to the joy, of Uncle Rufus, Delia entered at 
 that moment. She was not dressed as Delaniaire was at 
 the stage of the opera, but as Delia was dressed once, 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 49 
 
 way down south in the little village of Unadella. She 
 advanced toward the direction that her father was seat- 
 ed and with mixed anxiety, regret and love, with tearful 
 eves, the prodical daughter knelt in front of the object 
 that she was the outcast of. For the first time she realized 
 the power of a parent's curse. 
 
 DELLA: Father! father! at your feet, 
 Ungrateful daughter, oh me, oh me! 
 Have mercy, father and pardon or bid, 
 Your daughter to die and pay the fee! 
 
 UNCLE RUFUS: My child to die, what did you say? 
 Come to my arms and take my love, 
 Forgiveness is granted, your fate I pay, 
 And .pardon I hope you'll get from the Lord. 
 
 And the kind Lord, to show that He has also for- 
 given Delia, He again dictates something to our noble 
 friend Harry, who thought considerably of the Lord since 
 he met the pure hearted Uncle Rufus. He .again ^hung 
 the receiver of his telephone, feeling satisfied that he ful- 
 filled the wish of his Master. 
 
 DELLA: Let these tears, father, wash my doom, 
 To wet the high surface of Heaven, .. 
 Let us fly and go home, " sweet home, 
 And by our Lord I hope to be forgiven. 
 
 And tears were really rolling upon her beautiful 
 cheeks like crystals. Delia begged our Lord to forgive 
 her and she was certain that her sincere plea could not 
 be overlooked by the kind and glorious Father in Heav- 
 en "Knock and it shall be opened unto thee. bne 
 knocked, and the door was opened to her direct evi- 
 dence of this fact a messenger brought, who entered at 
 that moment and delivered a message to Delia, bne un- 
 sealed the message and read it aloud. 
 
50 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 DELLA: Congratulations warm and lots, 
 Feverish excitement all over the palace. 
 Your stock now is worth twice as much, 
 That is, five hundred thousand dollars! 
 
 And while Harry was watching with silent tender- 
 ness the surprised Uncle Ruf us and ' ' the only girl ' ' that 
 his heart was seeking to avoid loneliness, another mes- 
 senger entered. One might have thought that the new 
 message was sent by Satan as a bribe to take back his 
 victim, yet it was not. The messenger delivered the en- 
 trusted manuscript to Delia, who in like manner reads: 
 
 DELLA, (Reading) : Your pardon I beg, Miss Delaniaire, 
 A, mistake by me somehow has been made, 
 Ten thousand dollars we raise you per 
 Week, in advance to be paid! 
 
 Be it or not a Satanic message, Delia tore it to 
 pieces, exclaiming: 
 
 Ten thousand pieces I'll make of you, 
 Father, let's go to our Dixie land, 
 Dad, let us go, the time is due, 
 DIXIE play, oh golden band! 
 
 And the band, which was composing a part of the 
 household service of our millionaire friend, started with 
 a tap of the drum, which, however, was not seconded, be- 
 cause Harry arose suddenly and interrupted. 
 
 HARRY: Just a moment, please, professor, 
 A moment of quite and mysterious task. 
 I have been a lover, but now a confessor 
 I am, and Delia, for your hand I ask. 
 
 DELLA: Oh, Harry, Harry, I love you not, 
 But, oh, I worship you instead. 
 
UNCLE RUFUS AND HIS DAUGHTER DELLA 51 
 
 The lovers are embraced, while Uncle Rufus raises 
 his eyes to Heaven and thanks the Lord. 
 UNCLE RUFUS: Lord, I thank thee; now I'll take my 
 
 lot. 
 UNCLE RUFUS, DELLA AND HARRY: And now, let 
 
 our way to DIXIE lead. 
 
 All depart in military march, the band playing Dixie. 
 
 AT YOUR MERCY. 
 
 Dearest, have you seen the kitty, 
 When she 's but a little bitty, 
 How she plays with the rag, 
 That she finds in your sewing bag? 
 
 Have you seen how she grabs it, 
 How she bites it, how she drags it, 
 Sometimes playing a sleeping pause, 
 To jump and seize it with her paws? 
 
 She is so little and only able, 
 To carry the rag under the table, 
 And back again with all her might, 
 She plays thus, from morn ' 'till night. 
 
 Although I hate to call you a cat, 
 You certainly play that very part. 
 You are the cat and I am the rag, 
 And both of us your sewing bag. 
 
 At your mercy, cruel, cruel sweetheart, 
 Play, play with my heart. 
 Until lifeless you'll lay it. 
 It's really yours — slay it. 
 
FEZ VS. DERBY 
 
 Demetri felt within himself his childhood and school 
 days when he descended from the steamer, Patris. He 
 was stepping once more upon the soil which had felt his 
 tender footsteps when barefooted on his way to school 
 he wondered at the great steamers which were entering 
 the harbor. He looked earnestly toward the school house, 
 which was partly visible and remembrances of his only 
 happy and sweet past came into his mind immensely. 
 
 "My beloved topics," he murmured, looking eager- 
 ly around him from the large stone, which was still in 
 the corner of the street, to the old custom house with 
 its stones marked with age. All appeared smiling at 
 him. All the surroundings were extending welcome to 
 Demetri. Even the great clock of the square, which at 
 that moment struck ten, seemed to participate with the 
 greetings of the corner wall, on which Demetri was 
 drawing with his pencil a "rooster" in his school years 
 gone by. 
 
 "How natural," he again murmured, listening to 
 the dying echo of the clock's last strike. "I feel as 
 though it was yesterday when I heard that clock ring for 
 the last time." 
 
 He looked at the spot at which his father was stand- 
 ing when he kissed him for the last time and a tear roll- 
 ed down his cheek. "Poor father!" he again murmured 
 with a sigh, twisting his memory from one subject to the 
 other. The thought that his father was dead pierced 
 the poor boy's heart of a sudden and his smiling ex- 
 pression changed to mournfulness. His eyes did not 
 satisfy the complaint of his heart with a single tear and 
 an array of them were rolling, directly following one 
 another until his face was wet and stained. When he 
 realized this fact he pulled his satin handkerchief from 
 his pocket and looked around him as though he was 
 ashamed of acting womanly like. He then grabbed his 
 suit case by one hand and a small bundle by the other 
 and hurried out of sight, leaving behind him a small 
 
FEZ VS. DERBY 53 
 
 crowd of newsboys and wondering pasersby, who were 
 gathered there, attracted by the extraordinary pose of 
 the Patri's passenger. 
 
 Demetri is a young man of twenty-five years of age. 
 He was really too young a man when he left his mother 
 land, Salonica, and started out into the world in search 
 of fortune. His father, however, told him after he had 
 sold part of their farm in order to secure a ticket for 
 his son to America: "Take my blessing, my son, and 
 go. It hurts me more to see you go than it does you." 
 And the tongue of the heart-broken parent tightened 
 with emotion, but he regained self-control and continued: 
 "Go, my boy, and the Lord be with you. Think and 
 pray for us wherever you may be. Life here is an un- 
 certainty. That's why I insist upon your going to 
 America, where you will receive protection and shelter, 
 until this land of ours is safe. ' ' 
 
 "If that is the reason, father," said Demetri, "it 
 would be cowardly for me to go and leave you and my 
 sick mother at the mercy of l he ill fate which you say 
 is existing in our country's conditions. 
 
 "Oh no, my boy," his father protested, smiling ten- 
 derly, "you are acting brave when you listen to my ad- 
 vice. Your obedience to me is sufficient. Do not worry 
 about me and your mother. We both have seen our bet- 
 ter days and little will be lost when we leave this world. 
 When our time comes," he added at the sudden start of 
 Demetri. 
 
 This conversation was taking place a few moments 
 before Demetri embarked upon the great steamer for 
 America. While in America five years afterwards he re- 
 ceived a letter announcing the sad news of the assassina- 
 tion of his father by some mysterious unknown, a method 
 not at all too strange for the destroyers of Christians in 
 that part of the country. He remembered then his pa- 
 rent's last words and cried bitterly. He arranged his 
 affairs as best as he possibly could and 2 months later he 
 embarked upon the Patris in New York to go and take 
 care of his broken-hearted mother. Within 20 days from 
 her departure the Patris was lying anchored in the har- 
 
54 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 bor of Salonica and an hour later Demetri was standing 
 at the spot at which we have met him, wondering sensa- 
 tionally at the sights of his once dear ' ' home town. ' ' 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 It was a really beautiful day, that of April 19 — . 
 
 The sunset, which was taking place at that moment, ap- 
 peared exceptionally magnificent upon the pavement sur- 
 rounding the harbor and immediately in front of the 
 Square of Saloniki. The king of the day, departing for 
 his kingdom, appeared as though he was sinking to the 
 bottom of the sea in the far horizon, or rather appeared as 
 though he was about to be drowned and extended his 
 rays horizontally as the supposed hands of some one call- 
 ing for help. 
 
 The great waters of the gulf also appeared as though 
 they were in strict attention and bade farewell to their 
 king. Not a wave moved — even the smallest one ceased 
 playing and twisting to accept the last ray of its father, 
 and, like a mirror, to reflect it to the top of the shady 
 trees in and around the beautiful square. Wonderful 
 scenery! The setting sun created a golden trail upon the 
 crystal waters that bespoke the hand of the Creator. 
 And while the sun was thus shining upon the top 
 of the trees, the surface of the square and under the 
 shade of these trees another sight was sufficient to at- 
 tract the attention of a poetical observer. 
 
 Legions of tables placed carefully in rows were the 
 first sight and mostly worth observation. To an Ameri- 
 can not knowing the habits of the inhabitants of the near 
 east, this would have appeared as an extraordinary 
 thing, but to one who has visited any of the eastern 
 European cities it would have appeared very natural, and, 
 again, to one who had lived in that part of the country any 
 reasonable period, the absence of this sight would have 
 created a wondering question in his mind. It is the 
 style everywhere. A crowd of men, drinking, eating, 
 smoking and discussing, were occupying most of the ta- 
 bles. The waiters of the cafes and taverns were hastily 
 
FEZ VS. DERBY 55 
 
 passing to and fro with orders from their patrons. 
 
 Two men, one of whom was dressed in European 
 clothes of the latest style, and one in peasant's tradi- 
 tional garments, appeared proceeding towards one of the 
 tables, the seats of which they occupied. The aforesaid 
 was Demetri and the latter Petro, Demetri 's cousin. On 
 the opposite side of the table at which the cousins were 
 seated were also seated a number of soldiers of the gar- 
 rison, who were acting as policemen. At a comment from 
 one of these soldiers, who appeared to be the others' 
 lieutenant, a general laughter roared from the throats of 
 all and murmurs of criticism followed with glances to- 
 ward Demetri and his cousin. Finally one of them arose 
 suddenly and walked in front of the two men, exclaim- 
 ing: 
 
 Say, you Jiaour,"* he demanded, addressing Deme- 
 tri, who was resting his head upon his palm melancholi- 
 cally, " where do you think you are at anywaj- f " 
 
 Demetri was amazed. He took his gaze from the at- 
 mosphere at which he was looking thoughtfully ^nd 
 looked at the man before him silently. 
 
 "I say, I am talking to you. What place do you 
 think this is, that you wear such a hat as that?" and tak- 
 ing furiously the derby of Demetri he threw it on the 
 ground with force. 
 
 Demetri, as though he was awakened from a dream, 
 rose slightly from his seat ready to protect himself. 
 
 "You dog," the enraged beast continued, "This is 
 Turkey and not Dog's Land, and if you want to keep 
 your head on your shoulders, cover it with fez and not 
 with that devil's head." 
 
 Scoundrel, you," said Demetri, "Give me back my 
 hat. I am not bothering you. ' ' 
 
 "Here, take it," said the Mohammedan, striking 
 Demetri in the face with his fist. "And if that isn't 
 enough I'll give you some more," he added, looking tri- 
 umphantly toward his friends, who were laughing sar- 
 
 •Jiaour in Turkish language means unfaithful. 
 
56 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 castically. 
 
 At this last insult of the Ottoman, Demetri could not 
 control himself any longer. He grabbed a glass half full 
 of wine that the waiter had placed before him and with 
 great force he threw it at the head of his opponent, ex- 
 claiming: 
 
 "No, that isn't enough, but it's really too much and 
 I 'm giving you some of it back. ' ' 
 
 "Jiaour dog, you have killed me," the Turk ex- 
 claimed and quick as lightning he pulled his gun out and 
 shot twice at Demetri. 
 
 A piercing cry was heard from the lips of the mur- 
 dered Demetri and at the mournful appeals of Petro he 
 gave no reply. He was dead. The bullet had passed 
 through his heart. 
 
 At the sight of his cousin's cruel death Petro was 
 dumbfounded. When he recovered he rushed like a 
 maniac toward the escaping slayer, but he could not ov- 
 ertake him. He disappeared through the falling dark- 
 ness. Not knowing what best steps to take next he has- 
 tened to the police station. He related the crime to the 
 authorities, pleading for medical aid, having an unexist- 
 ing hope of saving Demetri, whom he knew was dead. In 
 response to his- eager plea Petro received a beating from 
 a strong lash and placed in the jail as the supposed mur- 
 derer. 
 
•V 
 
 NOT FOR RENT 
 
 When Mr. George Andrews read all the important 
 news on the front page of the Journal, he turned, to the 
 "Want" advertisements and in haste read the column of 
 1 ' For Rent ' ' property. He read : - ' ' For rent, > Store, 
 "For rent, basement," "For rent, from the first of Sep- 
 tember, residence, located on Marietta street, surround- 
 ed by a fine garden," etc., etc. 
 
 "It's just like we want it," he mused, and without 
 losing time, like a man who had lived ten years in the 
 "live-wire west," he arose from his chair at the hotel 
 and rushed to the given address to examine the property 
 
 for rent. 
 
 He was a young man of light complexion and thirty 
 years of age; pleasant and polite in every respect and 
 manner. He had lost his father when he was but a lad, 
 but he had a mother who had raised him with all the 
 necessary qualifications and education which prosperity 
 demands of its favorites. . , 
 
 Their wealth was limited— sufficient to cover all 
 their wants-but that was all. Therefore as soon as 
 George took his diploma from college he left his dear 
 Georgia" and imigrated to the golden west, where pros- 
 perity crowned his efforts with riches. They were living 
 happily there, but his mother wished and always insisted 
 on him to return home and stay, being that they were in- 
 dependently rich and could live comfortably at home. 
 So, ten years from the day of their departure George 
 sold mining property worth one hundred and twenty 
 thousand dollars and came back to Atlanta with his 
 mother to live the balance of his life, according to her 
 wish As soon as they arrived his mother went to pay a 
 visit to her sister in the suburb, while George engaged 
 
58 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 himself in the tiresome occupation of searching for their 
 future home. 
 
 Fortunately the address of the "For-rent" house 
 was not difficult to find. It was bearing a large number 
 and a "To let" sign that caught the dim eye of George 
 quickly. He rapped at the door unhesitatingly and a 
 maid appeared. He told her that he wished to look at 
 the house and she gladly hastened to show him the way. 
 
 The house was excellent. The dining room, the kitch- 
 en, the garden, and especially the extreme cleanliness 
 appealed to George as beautiful. He liked the luxurious 
 furniture that was in orderly regulation and he was in 
 mind to rent the house furnished as it was, provided 
 the landlord would consent to that. He had only one ob- 
 jection about the whole affair, and that was the fact that 
 the house was a little too large for two persons — that is, 
 only him and his mother and perhaps a servant or two — 
 but again he thought it would be a pity not to profit by 
 such a magnificent discovery of a residence. 
 
 Finally, he looked through the whole house, except 
 two rooms, which the maid had told him in her careless 
 way were unprepared. 
 
 "When can I see the landlord?" he finally said. 
 
 "My lady rents the house; if you wish, you can see 
 her." 
 
 "Does the lady live here?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "What's her name?" 
 
 "Mrs. Steffens." 
 
 "I don't know her — and when can I see her?" 
 
 "Right now if you wish; she is in her room. Have 
 a seat in the parlor and I'll call her." 
 
 George seated himself upon a sofa in the parlor and 
 waited. Being that the lady delayed to come — for the 
 fact, perhaps, that she might have been unpresentable — 
 he took the album from a nearby table and gazed at the 
 
NOT FOR RENT 59 
 
 portraits therein. All were unknown to him, but, at the 
 sight of the last photograph, he started in surprise. It 
 was the picture of a young girl of about sixteen years of 
 age, very pretty. 
 
 "My God!" he murmured. "She favors Elsie," and 
 after he examined more carefully, he added severely: 
 
 "Why. it's impossible for it to be some one else. It is 
 she; I recognize her very dress. What does her picture 
 mean by being in this album?" he mused, wondering. 
 And then, again, he added, answering his own question, 
 "It means that they know her and they must tell me 
 where she is. Poor Elsie, who knows in what corner of 
 this world you are living, reflecting in your memory on 
 our past happiness ? ' ' George then fastened his gaze on 
 the portrait of the girl and his mind was an abyss of 
 thoughts. He was in such an agitated condition that he 
 startled when he heard a sweet voice behind him ex- 
 claiming: 
 
 "I hope you'll excuse me, sir, for keeping you wait- 
 ing so long." 
 
 "Oh, no; it's I that must ask your pardon for 
 disturbing you, madam," he hastened to reply some- 
 what nervously. 
 
 The lady seated herself comfortably near the piano, 
 and, although the light of the sun was behind heavy 
 clouds and the eyes of George were almost a blank 
 from the close examination of the girl's portrait, he 
 could clearly see a genuine beauty in the face of Mrs. 
 Steffens. 
 
 He asked particularly about the house and at her 
 answers he almost felt his blood run madly fast. The 
 lady had something strange about her for George and 
 made him recollect his past. 
 
 Finally, the terms for the rent of the house were 
 agreed upon, with the exception that George would have 
 
THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 to bring his mother to ratify his action before the lease 
 
 C ° U ' " And'now," madam, I wish to ask yon a favor before 
 I go," George said, rising from his seat to depart 
 
 "What is it, please?" said she smiling sweetly. 
 
 "I discovered in your album, which I took the lib- 
 erty to examine without permission, a photograph ot a 
 young lady, whom I happened to know since childhood 
 days Is she any of your relatives, or friends or ac- 
 quaintances, and w"here is she now?" 
 
 "Which one?*'. :,,,., 
 
 As she stooped to look, her head almost touched that 
 of George and he felt as though an electric current passed 
 
 ""Trs tteffetcould not refrain from laughing hearti- 
 ly when George showed her the^photograph. 
 
 "Prav forgive me for laughing as I. do, but there is 
 a reason for my doing so," she said, looking at the 
 axnazed retired'capitalist. "It seems that some likeness 
 has deceived you," she added, apologetically 
 
 "Nothing of that sort, madam. Isn't this Elsie I 
 "Yes, her name, too, is that-in other words, it is 
 
 L " "You' You! Oh, my God, I thought I heard that 
 voice before. Yes, it's you, Elsie; I see you now plain 
 erLrfi- it's von. My heart was restless smce I entered 
 "our door I ought to have recognized you immediate- 
 
 ly '"Mrs Steffens was dumbfounded. She retreated in 
 fear from the extraordinary stranger and only gamed 
 self-control to demand : 
 
 "Ekthave you forgotten me?" said he, offering 
 
 ^ "What,' von, George?-what a happy "J"™** *** 
 a chance! How could I recognize you after so many 
 years' absence? The idea! And we were playing a com- 
 
NOT FOR RENT 61 
 
 edy for so long with each other. Have we changed then 
 so much that we can't recognize one another after our 
 once great love?" | 
 
 "Well, Elsie, you see, ( it's ten years since we saw 
 each other. So many things have, 'happened since then— 
 you, for instance, got married," he remarked, bitterly 
 "I went away; time has changed our appearance ; but, at 
 least, I am happy enough in seeing you once more." 
 
 "Do you remember those happy years, George— our 
 neighborhood, those happy and careless years of ours, 
 how great they were?" ,..,.:, 
 
 "Do you remember our love, Elsie? that childish 
 feeling. Do you remember how I wept when I left you 
 
 behind me?" n i . •-, > , 
 
 "The blood rushed to the face of the young lady and 
 
 she lowered her eyes. 
 
 Whenever we get tangled in the net of recollections, 
 a beautiful picture of our life appears before neinih 
 true and pure natural genuineness. They recollected 
 many a happy day that both were the heroes in-that 
 sweet age which is granted to humanity as dessert before 
 the meal, instead of after it. They together thought of 
 their happy past sufficiently to turn the page towards 
 
 sfldne^s « ^ 
 
 She told him how her parents married her by force 
 to an old man with money, how miserly he was and how 
 she despised him. She told him what a miserable life 
 she had lead for the past five years while she hved with 
 him and finally how she was left a widow at the age ot 
 
 only 23 years old. , 
 
 While Elsie was relating her story about her de- 
 ceased husband, George was breathing with more ease ; he 
 was glad in discovering that she was a widow— (how bad 
 
 116 George then related his own story, which was less 
 touching than that of Elsie. He told her how he had hv- 
 
62 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 ed away out west; how he struck his mining property; 
 how he became a cowboy to be amongst them, and other 
 incidents relative to the western life. 
 
 ''Had you ever thought of me out there, George?" 
 she asked hesitatingly. 
 
 He pulled a lock of hair from his pocket book, and, 
 in reply, asked her: "Do you recognize this, Elsie?" 
 
 "Why, it's mine," she said sweetly. "Oh, dear," she 
 continued, "you thought of me as much as I did you; 
 it isn't more than a month since I read those last verses 
 you wrote me ten years ago. 
 
 "Then I was writing verses, dear, but now we'll live 
 otherwise than in verses and thoughts, as we did the past 
 ten years." 
 
 "What do you mean?" 
 
 "You understand what I mean; I was looking for 
 you and I found you." 
 
 "Impossible, George. You must marry a girl that 
 will suit your position, a young girl that will bring you 
 happiness — I'm old," she stammered faintly. 
 
 "What! Can I believe that you have allowed our 
 earnest love to grow cold within you, Elsie ? ' ' 
 
 Elsie did not answer, but, instead, she drew her silk- 
 en handkerchief from her bosom and covered her wet 
 eyes, remaining speechless. 
 
 "It can't be anything else, Elsie, except the fact 
 that you don't care for me any more; your refusal in 
 granting me happiness that I ask is a sign of dislike. Do 
 you despise me? Be plain, now — will you marry me?" 
 
 "For the sake of your happiness, George, I tell you — 
 marry a young girl; and as for the old love, I love you, 
 but—" 
 
 The poor girl never expected these words from 
 George — from him whose image brought recollections of 
 great happiness. She did not expect this happy moment 
 and her joy tied her tongue. 
 
 "What has that 'but' to say or do, Elsie? I have 
 
NOT FOR RENT 
 
 63 
 
 found you and now I'll marry you or die. Say one word 
 or the other— If you want my destruction, say 'No;' if 
 you wish to see me happy, if you want to feel again those 
 
 days of our school times, say 'yes' " 
 
 The maid at that moment interrupted by addressing 
 her mistress. "Madam," she said, "the gentleman who 
 looked at the house yesterday has sent his chauffeur to 
 tell you that he wants the house and he'll come here this 
 afternoon to sign he lease." 
 
 When the maid finished. George was greatly disturb- 
 ed. He waited breathlessly to hear the answer of the 
 young widow, which meant an answer for him, also. 
 
 Elsie was trembling perceptibly. She looked at 
 the earnest lover and then at the servant, and for several 
 seconds she didn't say a word. She looked with a final, 
 steady gaze into George's eyes and, as though she dis- 
 covered the answer imprinted therein, she turned to the 
 maid and said: "Tell the gentleman that I have de- 
 cided to keep the house for myself— and take also the 
 sign from the window; the house is not for rent." 
 
 "Thank God," George murmured, and in another 
 second he was kissing the pretty lips of Elsie. 
 
 Go and Find It. 
 
 Stage Manager: "I thought you told me you was a 
 singer. ' ' 
 
 Singer: "Yes, but I lost my voice last night in the 
 park. ' ' 
 
HAS THE TIME COME? 
 
 Messages from the capitals ; of the old world urform 
 us that the Allied Armies are about (Oct. 28) to conquer 
 Indrianople, a city of noted commerce and manufacture 
 Seated in P the heart of Turkey in Europe, and considered 
 by experts as commanding the great highway to Constan- 
 tinople A great battle is expected to be fought there 
 from moment till moment. And who knows that by the 
 time the reader is glancing at the foregoing page 'the blood 
 of 600,000 men is not streaming toward the river Martza, 
 adulterating its crystal-like waters? 
 
 Other messages from London give us the displeas- 
 ing information that the great powers of Europe have 
 disagreed among themselves and the action which they 
 rnlend tc > take iS reference to the Balkan war, is feared, 
 will not be considered as a whole, but each and every 
 one of the powers intend to act separately. > This, it the 
 statement is correct, would necessarily bring unsatis- 
 factory consequences and the world looks toward the 
 near future with visible uneasiness. Thus it tor in- 
 stance, Russia should carry out the semi-official rumor 
 of marching her armies against Turkey, through the ad- 
 ioining borders, will necessarily cause unpleasant in- 
 terference of other powers, including the -iron-hearted 
 Great Britain," which, up to this moment has been ob- 
 serving the Balkan situation motionless like a marble 
 statue and indifferently, which is common to the English 
 
 °And while news about the victorious Servo-Bulgari- 
 ans, the daring Greeks and the brave Montenegrins ar- 
 rive in succession with sensational details, one can ask 
 himself: "Has the time come?" Has the time arrived 
 for the inevitable Pan-European war? And as tar as 
 it concerns myself, I would have had rejected the tear- 
 ful thought from my mind, had I not traced interesting 
 points of investigation contained therewith. You may 
 class me as superstitious, if you will. Let it be so 
 but I feel satisfied that when I set my reasons tor so 
 
HAS THE TIME COME? 65 
 
 thinking, you will doubtless agree with me upon some 
 points at least. I am a Christian, but the meaning of 
 the word itself is so great that I would hesitate to call 
 myself a Christian in the full sense of the word. Yet I 
 believe in Christ as being my Savior and God. Ibe- 
 lieve in His teachings and here is where the point ot 
 truth lies. 
 
 In the thirteenth chapter of St. Mark and in the 
 seventh and eighth paragraphs we read the following 
 warning : 
 
 "And when ye shall hear of wars and rumors of 
 wars, be ye not troubled, for stfch things must need be, 
 but the end shall not be yet. 
 
 "For nation shall rise against nation and kingdom 
 against kingdom, and there shall be earthquakes in 
 divers' places, and there shall be famines and troubles. 
 These are the beginning of sorrows." 
 
 These warnings are worth your consideration. If 
 vou are a Christian, why should you hesitate to believe 
 that the time is near at hand? Something tells me that 
 you will stop reading right at this point. You may 
 have thought that this article, too, was a short story or a 
 comedy to enjov reading seated comfortably near your 
 fire place, and therefore at the unexpected disappoint- 
 ment you will, or have, cast this book away from your 
 hands I do hope, however, that my imaginary thoughts 
 are incorrect and that you are paying strict attention to 
 my words. It is true, dear reader, that you have read 
 so verv much in regard to your religion and the dry 
 reading of it is so tiresome, but at the same time, think 
 that the man or woman behind that reading matter has 
 endured much painful effort in order to prepare religious 
 articles for your betterment. You may have had disap- 
 pointments in something predicted, but do you think 
 that it is possible for a human being to tell at these days 
 of sin what is going to happen in the future? We only 
 can judge, by using our limited knowledge from condi- 
 tions which appear to fulfill the Testament of our Lord 
 
66 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 and to remind you of the only and great fact, which is: 
 "Be ready." 
 
 For further investigation of the thought in response 
 to which I asked myself if the time had come. I will pro- 
 ceed elsewhere and investigate the question by which we 
 might be able to compare it with the uncertain time re- 
 ferred to in the Scripture above mentioned. 
 
 Immediately after the death of Alexander the Great, 
 his mother land, which is the scene of today's difficul- 
 ties, began to have the ill luck and more heartfelt mis- 
 fortune, than any other country of the universe. At 
 first the mother land of the greatest general this world 
 has ever known, felt her children disputing her owner- 
 ship. The dispute was not temporary, it continued from 
 the semi-civilized ages to the present day. Even now, at 
 the conclusion of this war, dispute amongst the Allies 
 themselves is predicted. Fate has been unmerciful as 
 though a punishment of life time was imposed upon 
 them who dared to participate with Alexander in his ef- 
 forts to reveal the mysterious unknown. The fearful 
 punishment which was inherited from generation to gen- 
 eration was cruel. Every inch of that soil has been irri- 
 gated by an immense amount of human blood. 
 
 Yet, if. the dispute was disturbing the civilized 
 world, no power has dared to touch the subject of the 
 Balkan land. It has been considered from prehistoric 
 years as the question of the day amongst the diplomatic 
 circles. It has been a problem which rulers and philoso- 
 phers have repeatedly tried to solve, but failed. The- 
 ologian predict and their statistics have been accepted, 
 that the general war referred to in the Scripture and 
 quoted above, will have its starting point in the Balkan 
 land. HAS THE TIME COME? 
 
TOO MUCH SUGAR FOR A DIME 
 
 (A Comic Monologue by the Author of "Black Hair"). 
 
 Had I available paper to spare I would have painted 
 right here with black paint or tar a question mark fifty 
 feet high ! Truly this being an impossibility I ask eager- 
 ly WHY? 
 
 Everything in this funny world in which we are 
 living is made for some purpose or season — the cow- 
 bells, the cucumbers, even the street-sweepers, the rats, 
 the laces and the coats, all have their scope. 
 
 But we, the human beings, if you please, what are 
 we made for! What is our purpose? WHY should we 
 have been created? Aren't we — and you must admit it 
 — a great orthographical error, which in a sensational 
 physical condition the Mighty Novelist and Creator of 
 the Universe has made? Eh? 
 
 Listen here, please. Let us discuss this matter a 
 little further. Do you know what's so? I think that we 
 all are made to suffer. Yes, I do think that and I mean 
 every bit of what I say. Why, it's awful. It's a wonder 
 that I haven't gone crazy already. (In spite of the fact 
 that you may consider me as such). It's terrible, I say. 
 It's terrible. 
 
 (After a short, thoughtful silence^: What is that? 
 You want to know why I say that? 
 
 With pleasure. I'll confess tc you what tortures 
 I've suffered for the single reason of being human. (Un- 
 less you are in doubt of my being such). (Excitedly) : I 
 am not good looking. My mirror and your smiles have 
 assured me of that fact. Never in my life have I wished 
 to be a conqueror; and yet, (hesitatingly), I don't know 
 how I too caught that confounded fit which the whole 
 of humanity since the days of Adam and Eve till the 
 
68 THOUGHTS OP A GREEK 
 
 days of Rockefeller compressed into four letters, L-O-V-E.- 
 
 of course, gentlemen, I have "felt in love." Verily, 
 ladies, I went "crazy for a girl," who didn't care for 
 me more than you all do. She was beautiful, however, 
 and I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was loving her 
 secretly and she was aware of that fact. The further 
 she was drawing away from me the more love I felt for 
 her. Her pretty image was before me always, night and 
 day. I was at the lookout to see her pass, so I could 
 breathe once more deeply until I could see her again. 
 The most beautiful parks, the most attractive amuse- 
 ments, the most pleasant and beautiful of the imaginary 
 beautiful appeared blue to me without her, while the con- 
 trary, terrifying sights, cyclones, storms and wars 
 bloody and roaring appeared to me pleasant as the very 
 Paradise if she was present. Yet she did not have equal 
 feelings for me. I was a stranger to her. You can 
 guess my joy when one day (after a year's circulation 
 of my feet under her windows) I received the following 
 letter from her, written on the very finest quality of pa- 
 per: 
 
 "My Darling Harry: Tomorrow, Friday, 9 a. m., 
 I will be at the house of Mrs. Gunner. Come there and 
 ask for me. I want to meet you. I want to speak to you. 
 I have so very, very much to tell you. MABEL." 
 
 When I read this letter I thought I was reigning ov- 
 er the whole earth. Indeed the world was mine. I do 
 not exactly remember what I dreamed that night, but 
 I know that I was kissing Mabel when I was awakened 
 by some one who was knocking upon the door so vio- 
 lently that I thought I felt my room and the house sud- 
 denly collapse. 
 
 "Who is that," I shouted, out of reason and within 
 — the door. 
 
 "Important telegram," was the quick response. 
 
 With my pajamas on I rose from my bed and open- 
 ed the door, pnd the telegram. Let me tell you what it 
 said. I remember it all by heart; listen: 
 
 "Jacksonville, Fla. 
 
 "Uncle died, leaves you heir to fifty thousand dol- 
 
TOO MUCH SUGAR FOR A DIME 69 
 
 lars cash. Regret death, but congratulations .to . you. 
 Leave first train. HERBJUil. 
 
 I almost fainted from joy. (You see, the fifty 
 thousand dollars replaced sorrow of death with joy), l 
 began dressing hurriedly and in a new method. Alter my 
 hat, then I put on my shoes, my necktie next, and then 
 my trousers. I was excited beyond control, finally 1 
 departed in any way I could after I had secured my cane 
 from the rack— something that was essential to the ward- 
 robe of a gentleman at that time. 
 
 I was about to cross the corner of the street leading 
 to the house of Mrs. Gunner, when some one exclaimed 
 behind me: "Good morning, Harry." And after a short 
 pause the same voice continued: "For goodness sake, 
 you don't seem to be sorry at all." 
 
 "Why?" I said, startled, and turning around 1 be- 
 held an old acquaintance. 
 
 "What, don't you know anything about it/ 
 "About what? Speak man. What has happened? 
 < < What has happened ? The worst— Sam is dead, 
 he replied emphatically. "The Woodmen have deputed 
 you to make the speech at the grave," he added. 
 
 "What, Sam dead?" My only friend, the one who 
 shared my sorrows, who always lent a he ping hand with 
 cash 'Tis a cruel world. With a heavy heart I proceed- 
 ed toward the house of Mrs. Gunner. 
 
 "There at last this is the door of the Gunners 
 house," I m'used, but how can I enter? I don't know any 
 one fn the house. I knock with fear, with hope and with 
 my cane and a maid appears. 
 
 "Is Madam " . ,, 
 
 "Gunner? Yes, she lives here. Come up stairs. 
 I mounted the staircase, but not without first bump- 
 ing twice against the steps, owing to my sensational con- 
 
 T found myself in the presence of an unknown lady. 
 I made a respectful salute by bending my body, which, 
 however proved fatal and was announced by an ex- 
 plol'on The part of my body backstretched caused a 
 
70 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 valuable Chinese vase to fall and get destroyed. 
 
 "Excuse me,' 1 I stammered. 
 
 The lady, enraged by my stupidness, said politely 
 (not): "But I see that you don't look around you at 
 all. And what do you want to do with her!" she in- 
 quired with her eyes firing — cannon balls. 
 
 "She has sent me word to come " 
 
 "Ah! You are the piano-tuner. Come in, but you 
 must be careful next time. That vase was worth $500. 
 
 I stepped into the parlor and, seated comfortably, 
 waited for my beloved Mabel. Perhaps, I thought, she 
 wished to find an excuse for my visit and therefore she 
 nsed the available title of piano tuner. 
 
 At the invitation of the enraged lady I heard the 
 footsteps of my approaching sweetheart. But when she 
 projected her — nose. Oh! Ye Gods! What a disappoint- 
 ment. Instead of my beauty what animal do you think 
 showed up? An old maid, who had the features of a 
 former bear of the circus and now at large. She was 
 the proud owner of a nose that had the shape of a coca- 
 cola bottle and a pair of eyes that it was necessary for 
 one to be blind to accept their gaze. She came close 
 enough to me to observe that she was wearing two 
 "blankets, one in the front instead of a breast and one 
 in the back instead of backbone. She smiled at me and 
 .at her smile I discovered that she was also the owner of 
 one and one-half teeth, the former located on her upper 
 jaw and the latter on her lower. 
 
 "Has Mr. Brown sent you here? Pass inside, please." 
 she told me with an awful smile. 
 
 I beg your pardon. I do not even know that gentle- 
 man," I hastened to reply, shaking dreadfully. 
 
 ' ' What, what ? Aren 't you then the piano tuner that 
 my daughter here, Mabel, was expecting?" the old lady 
 demanded. 
 
 "There must be some mistake somewhere, Madam." 
 
 "Mistake? When you have destroyed one of my 
 best vases? You would demonstrate yourself as a brute 
 
TOO MUC H SUGAR FOR A DIME 71 
 
 I, if you won't repay the damage which you have caus- 
 II without any reason to our household — " 
 
 "With the greatest of pleasure." I hastened to re- 
 y. "I am worth fifty thousand dollars." 
 
 As soon as I mentioned my financial condition both 
 other and daughter as by magic changed in their ex- 
 ■ssions. The furious lady appeared as though she re- 
 setted her previous harshness. Oh, humanity, humani- 
 ■, how much longer should you worship the almighty 
 ollar? 
 
 The younger ( ?) lady displayed smiles so warm that 
 tey made me feel chilly. What does this transfigura- 
 on mean! I thought, Can I guess that she takes the 
 nirage to project those smiles as silent signs of matri- 
 onial hope? Horrors. She must attempt to marry 
 •me dentist, and, unfortunately, I am not one. 
 
 I slipped off from the traps of the unpleasant com- 
 imy and I ran to at least catch the train. On my way I 
 *issed from the cafe, which I was patronizing, to borrow 
 ly railroad fare. The waiter about being the manag- 
 ', handed me a letter. "Oh, the miserable girl," I 
 fowled, looking at the letter revengefully, "I bet she 
 apologizing in here for not being there as she promis- 
 II. I opened the letter. Let me read it to you. I remem- 
 sr it by heart; listen: 
 
 ' ' Wretch : You wrote me today that I was appoint- 
 B by the governor, secretary of the state, which was 
 ilse. Intoxicated, however, with enthusiasm of the go ■<] 
 <ck, I did not attempt to investigate ho~ truthful tiij* 
 las and consequently I gave in my resignation. Tiift 
 Isition which I was' holding was immediately given t.. 
 fle who is my bitterest enemy. I am penniless and on 
 te streets on account of yon. You are not a gentle- 
 lan. Meet my witnesses tomorrow if yon have any man- 
 Id left about you. LAWLAND." 
 
 I was half through reading the Idler when I tnrn- 
 1 pale as death. I rubbed my eyes as though I di<In t 
 ■eve I was awake. What writing is he talking about, 
 wonder? I didn't write him a single line and I didn t 
 'en know that he was to be appointed secretary of the 
 
72 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 state Alas! And he was my only friend who could hel; 
 me compose that speech which I was to deliver by ap 
 pointment from the Woodmen. 
 
 The sensational happenings of the day were to 
 much for my poor mind. The duel would prevent m 
 from going on my trip, which meant $50,000 to me. T 
 get oft" secretly he would take me for a coward. M 
 knees began to shake, my lips to tremble spasmodically 
 my nose to suffer, my shoulders to go back and fort) 
 Everything appeared black and awful. 
 
 I ran to my room madly and fast, as though son 
 one was after my life. I was excited, hungry, thirst; 
 miserable. When I arrived there I opened my menu 
 randum nervously to write the day of so much exci+ 
 ment down, to write in my diary the day which lia 
 shortened my life by ten years. To do so I glanced i 
 the calendar. Oh, ye Gods. Oh, ye millions of the seer 
 respect. Oh, cruel, cruel world. I was fainting, d 
 you imagine what I read on the calendar? "FIRST 
 APRIL." 
 
 Nectar. 
 
 First Tramp: "Pal, talking about drinks, what kii 
 do ye like the best?" 
 
 Second Tramp: "The kind that they set me up to.' 
 
 Look Out, Bill. 
 
 Drunkard, (Staggering along through the darkne* 
 he falls against a telegraph pole): "Way, Madam, I b 
 your pardon; excuse me, please." 
 
 That's All. 
 
 Sufferer: "Here is a dollar to tell me what to do 
 stop my toothache." 
 
 Kind Friend: "Why, thank you, of course; and he 
 is the advice : Go and have it pulled. ' ' 
 
COMPLAINTS 73 
 
 The Complaint of a Drunkard. 
 
 When I feel my pocket rattle, 
 I run to find a drink or bottle. 
 He says: "What you have?" I say: "Any junk 
 That's got the 'goods' to make me drunk." 
 I say a toast and I pour it in, 
 And then I feel that I am a king! 
 I feel, but I don't realize, 
 That armies I mobilize, 
 
 Thrones I burst, 
 
 And I fight the trust. 
 
 In San Francisco I take a walk, 
 And in two minutes I reach New York! 
 London, Chicago and back again, 
 I hold the world in my hand. 
 I feel as though with wings I fly, 
 I jump from the bar to the sky, high! 
 I own all the bars, 
 I own all the stars, 
 
 The spring, the fall, 
 
 The sun and all. 
 
 If I was a rich man I'd stay full, 
 But I've been one and now I'm poor. 
 My wife's working down at the laundry, 
 And my children are naked and hungry. 
 With another drink I drive away 
 Eemembrances that caused me to go astray. 
 (VANITY). 
 
 The Complaint of a Bachelor. 
 
 The idea is simply terrible, 
 Single to be is awful— is sin! _ 
 Single in the day, alone at night, 
 Alone to get out, alone to get m! 
 
74 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 ALONE, what a shocking expression, 
 
 Like a monster alive with fiery eye, 
 
 Laughs at me sarcastically, Oh! Oh' 
 
 ALONE, with letters ten feet high, 
 
 I feel the word alone as though 
 
 The monster is fearful and I am trembling' 
 
 lo live alone is to have no life, 
 
 I'm going, I'm going, no more '"alone," 
 
 I m going to find, I'm going to hunt, 
 
 lo steal if necessary, a little wife! 
 
 The Complaint of a Widower. (Yes, From Reno). 
 
 A Friday evening, while the wind was roaring, 
 And snow flakes were disorderly falling 
 I was walking in haste the unlucky night' 
 
 M Z* °t^l [t l at my home ' s fireside. 
 
 (A** it J 1 *? * meet my dear wife - 
 
 (And it was the first time in my life) 
 
 In surpnse, in wonder, and uneasily, 
 
 I looked through the window suspiciously, 
 
 Wlia/oo, ^ t U h k -^ from m ^ wife a ki ^ 
 Wiiat could I do, but kill both— like dogs? 
 
 Then blood from my bullets was dyeing the rugs. 
 From the crime to repent, I established Associa- 
 An insurance company (which is honest occupa- 
 
 That's where I met my wife the second, 
 Whom I loved and she idolized me (I reckon) 
 fche knew of my crime and was under a bond, 
 Of a policy from me-for a great sum. 
 Yet we were happy, jolly and hopeful, 
 lill I caught her, too, in the trap-the ungrateful! 
 I found her m the arms (ye gods!) of my best and 
 older, 
 
 Friend and million-dollar policy holder. 
 
COMPLAINTS 75 
 
 Oh, terror! I say a million. What would you have 
 
 done? 
 Kill this lover, also, and then pay that sum? 
 Never! And so I allowed him to enjoy life, 
 And instead of his insurance, I gave him my wife. 
 
 The Complaint of a Married Man. 
 
 My duty is paid to fate and life, 
 
 That is, I have now a mother-in-law, 
 
 Since her daughter I took for my wife, 
 
 Who corrects my temperament from high to low ! 
 
 My angel wife is now the contrary, 
 
 From that to which I used to bring candy, 
 
 The title of "sweetheart" was only temporary. 
 
 ' ' Slave, ' ' she says now, when the broom is handy. 
 
 The Complaint of An Old Maid. 
 
 The spring of my life has faded away, 
 And memory is left to touch my heart, 
 Tomorrow is my once loved birthday, 
 And now despised, oh, I took my lot. 
 . Pray fly away, 
 
 My once loved birthday. 
 Do not come tomorrow, 
 You'll give me sorrow. 
 
 Had I chosen James, or sonic one of the array, 
 If I loved George or if Dick were true, 
 If mama had consented to let me marry Harry, 
 Now my troubles would have all been through. 
 Pray fly away, 
 
 My dreadful birthday, 
 The horrible "if" 
 
 Means nothing but grief. 
 
76 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 Yet, if my sweet birthday one of the "if's" 
 Had proved true in my miserable life, 
 You would not have reminded me of grief, 
 For you know some one had to call me "wife." 
 Pray fly away, 
 
 My once loved birthday, 
 Do not come tomorrow, 
 You'll bring me sorrow. 
 
 You bring me another year to add to my age, 
 To raal<e me old of years thirty. 
 Instead of joy you bring me rage, 
 Tell me, why are you in such a hurry ? 
 To loan or borrow, 
 More sorrow 
 Tomorrow ? 
 
 Tomorrow I'll read congratulations, ha, ha. 
 Sweet words and pretty cards, 
 I'll feel as though they'll call me grandma, 
 And their wishes will be mocking sarcasms. 
 Birthday tomorrow, 
 And sorrow, 
 I hate you. 
 
 The Complaint of a Fruit Peddler! 
 
 I remember the day I left Italy, 
 And also the day that I arrived here. 
 I told the conductor, ding-a-ling-a-ly, 
 Choo — Choo — Choo — Chicago from here ! 
 
 What do you want! the conductor said, 
 Mister Chicago, Choo, Choo, Ding-a-ling, 
 And I showed him the train that was passing away, 
 And I ran up and down with a Ding-a-ling ! 
 
COMPLAINTS 77 
 
 But he couldn't understand — was no use to talk, 
 That a ticket I wanted f >r Chicago town, 
 Or, perhaps he wished to have me in New York, 
 To' imitate the train, running up and down! 
 
 A few days later iVanted some eggs; 
 I heard the name from my country-men. 
 I went to the store and I called for "legs," 
 And, my, what a time had the grocery man. 
 
 He laughed and I started to give him a lick, 
 But again I thought, "maybe I'm mistaken." 
 I lay on the floor and imitated the chick, 
 With a Ka-k-i ki-ki-Chi-ki-ka-cken ! 
 
 I got them, of course, but any way, 
 Some other time I'll tell you all 
 That happened to me in the" far away 
 Metropolis where I spent that fall. 
 
 Now the sun is up, 
 I'd better walk, 
 My fruit to get up 
 And go to work.. 
 
 •oe$« 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 
 
 OR 
 THE BASHFUL LOVER. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 The Engagement. 
 
 "Well, then, from what we have said the marriage is 
 a settled matter, I suppose. Is it not ? ' ' 
 
 "I do not exactly disagree with you my dear friend, 
 but for you to take for a son-in-law one who is the heir 
 to such an enormous fortune I think that you should 
 make some sacrifice also, don't you?" 
 
 This conversation was taking place in a richly furn- 
 lshed^parlor at the residence of Mr. Ambrusio located in 
 a fashionable street of Rome and between Mr. Ambrusio 
 and Mr. Andronico, two life-long friends, veterans and 
 comrades. The topic of their discussion is the marriage 
 of their children. That is, Andronico is seeking the hand 
 ot the beautiful daughter of Ambrusio for his son, Mike 
 according to the rules of Roman Society. 
 
 At the demand of Andronico, long silence followed 
 disturbed only by the footsteps of Ambrusio, who was 
 thoughtfully pacing the floor of the room as though in 
 search of words by which he could satisfy his friend's 
 remark. "Well," finally exclaimed Ambrusio, stopping 
 in tront of his friend and slowly raising his gaze from 
 the floor, <; suppose that I add to the presents that I have 
 already given them a vineyard of mine in California, 
 will you then accept ? ' ' 
 
 "Is it large, Ambrusio?" 
 
 ' Two-three acres ; I bought it last year when I made 
 that trip to America. ' ' 
 
 _ "I scarcely know how to answer you, my friend " 
 said he hesitatingly, "but being that you are an old friend 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 
 
 of mine, and for the fact that I heartily desire to claim 
 relationship ties with you, I'll accept." 
 
 "Great." responded Ambrusio joyfully. He then 
 dropped lazily into a big arm-chair next to that of his 
 friend and continued smilingly, "How good to think 
 that we are going to live together. We certainly will 
 spend the rest of our days in pleasure, because I know 
 that you are a widower and you know that my wife is 
 dead- " 
 
 "Well, my friend, that makes you a widower, too," 
 interrupted Andronico, laughingly. 
 
 "Why certainly, and we will make our third partner 
 with a deck of cards and life will be one continual round 
 of pleasure, but let me tell you, ' ' he added as though an 
 obstacle disturbed his mind unexpectedly, "there is some- 
 thing that I have failed to ask you about. ' ' 
 
 "What is it, Ambrusio?" 
 
 "I don't know if your son " 
 
 Ah, yes, I understand; you wish to know the charac- 
 ter and conduct of my son, Mike. I knew the question 
 that you were going to ask before you finished it. Yes, 
 my son is a graduate of a military college and, besides, I 
 have raised him militarily myself. Believe me, I have 
 but to put my teeth together and call his name aloud and 
 he trembles "as though he had fits. Yet it is me, my 
 friend, who is in doubt about your daught 
 
 "Don't finish," Ambrusio demanded laughing, "the 
 question is so delicate that even friends some times fall 
 out on account of it. You can rest assured, however, 
 upon that issue, because my daughter is a graduate of 
 the Academy, also, and one glance from my eyes is suf- 
 ficient to cause her to faint. ' ' 
 
 "All right, then, everything is settled, but wail, I 
 hear footsteps and it is probably my son Mike lb' 
 promised to be here at ten o'clock," said Andromeo, and 
 looking at his watch he discovered the time to be two 
 minutes till ten. "My son," he continued, "is always 
 very prompt with his engagements. It is exactly ten." 
 *The eyes of both friends were directed toward the 
 entrance of the room and Andronico's prediction proved 
 
80 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 to be correct, for Mike appeared at the door and station- 
 ed himself there like a military watchman, who was wait- 
 ing the orders of his superior for his next movement. Am- 
 brusio was employing great effort to conceal violent 
 laughter, because, besides the comical air that Mike 
 furnished with his foolish gaze toward the two friends, 
 he was also dressed in an attire that the most amusing 
 comedian of the stage would have been jealous of and 
 anxious to possess. 
 
 "Here I am, father," Mike muttered at last. 
 
 "Ah, there you are, my boy; come here and kiss me 
 and then kiss the hand of your father-in-law." 
 
 "What's that you said, father?" inquired Mike in 
 surprise, and somewhat startled. 
 
 "Come on, sir," commanded his father, evidently 
 trying to demonstrate to Ambrusio his son's absolute 
 obedience to him, "forward march!" he added soldier 
 like. And Mike obediently marched toward his father 
 and carried out his wish. 
 
 "Well, my boy," Ambrusio said to Mike, when the 
 latter had kissed his hand, "I suppose you know what 
 we have been talking about don't you?" 
 
 "Yes, he knows everything," interjected Andronico, 
 as though he was fearing that his son would dare say 
 the contrary, and turning to his son he winked his eye to 
 him, meaning "say yes." 
 
 "Certainly," murmured Mike. 
 
 "Well, are you satisfied?" continued Ambrusio. 
 
 "Certainly," admitted Mike, all the while watching 
 his parent's every movement lest he should make some 
 error and upset the plans already made. 
 
 "Do you really like my daughter?" continued Am- 
 brusio. 
 
 "Certainly," again assured he. 
 
 "So you knew that this marriage was to take place?" 
 
 "Oh yes," again interjected Andronico, "he knew it 
 before I came here myself. Isn't that so, my boy?" 
 
 "No, I didn't know that," stammered Mike doubt- 
 fully. 
 
 "How is that?. Didn't you tell me yourself that you 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 
 
 had spoken to the girl and that you already knew her ? ' ' 
 and again Andronico signed to his son secretly demand- 
 ing his acceptance. 
 
 "Oh, certainly," said he. 
 
 "Well, my son, come and take a seat by me,*' pro- 
 posed Ambrusio. 
 
 "Certainly," stammered Mike, sitting by his future 
 father-in-law. 
 
 "Be at home while I go to announce your arrival to 
 my daughter." 
 
 "Certainly," assured Mike. 
 
 "All right, I am going, and good luck to you. I be- 
 lieve you to be satisfied." 
 
 "Certainly," replied Mike. 
 
 Ambrusio left the room in pretense of notifying his 
 daughter of the groom's arrival, which partially was 
 true, but his haste indicated that his lips could not bear 
 the emotion of laughter, the demonstration of which 
 would doubtless have caused absurd embarassment to 
 his friend. Once in the anti-room, however, he let the 
 steam of the boiling emotion escape noisily. Laughing- 
 ly he proceeded to the apartments of his daughter. On 
 his wav he exclaimed to himself, "For the name of Mike, 
 can't that boy say anything else but that 'certainly, cer- 
 tainly!' " 
 
 After the departure of Ambrusio, Andronico, who 
 imagined the impression which his son reflected upon his 
 friend, turned his chair toward Mike and growled m 
 rage: "Say, you confounded idiot, have I not told you a 
 thousand times that you must learn how to get into so- 
 ciety—to be polite and smart in conversation, try to be 
 attractive, amusing and popular?" 
 ' ' Certainly, ' ' responded Mike. 
 "And learn how to speak?" 
 "Certainly," repeated Mike. 
 "Not to stand motionless like a stump?" 
 "Certainly," continued Mike at every demanding 
 question of his father. 
 
 "And not to keep saying 'certainly' all the time ." 
 "Certainly," agreed Mike. 
 
82 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 "Certainly again?" 
 
 ' ' Certainly, ' ' Mike replied. 
 
 "Shut your mouth," Mike's father now yelled, 
 wrathfully. "You had better look out. Don't let me 
 hear you use that word again, or I '11 knock your head off 
 your shoulders. You must be very careful when she 
 comes> for she is beautiful, and shines like a diamond 
 everywhere she goes." 
 
 To these words Mike appears to change somewhat 
 arid in response he smiles with self-satisfaction. 
 
 "You like that, eh?" asked his father with a soft 
 look. 
 
 ' ' Certainly, ' ' Mike assured him. 
 
 "What is that? But, by George, you have extended 
 all limits of patience. ' ' And so saying Andronico raised 
 his cane in striking attitude toward Mike. 
 
 ' ' Don % father, ' ' Mike pleaded, ' ' I forgot that time. ' ' 
 
 "All right, I'll forgive you this time, but remember 
 this is the last time. Now be very careful, and when she 
 comes meet her and kiss her, talk to her sweetly, treat her 
 kindly. Be careful, my boy. This is your chance to get 
 into society, to get married to the best girl in the land. 
 Now, attention ! Do you know what to do ? " 
 
 "No, I don't." 
 
 "What's that you said? 'No?' " 
 
 "No." 
 
 "What is the matter with you? Do you mean for 
 a fact to say 'no?' " 
 
 "No," again poor Mike repeated. 
 
 But ere he had said "No" his father had him held in 
 his strong grasp, at the same time exclaiming earnestly, 
 "I say, I am talking to you, do you hear me? Me, your 
 father. Are you awake or asleep ? Do you hear me ? Do 
 you understand what I say? Yes or no?" 
 
 "No," laconically and dryly was again heard from 
 our hero. 
 
 Andronico at this point lost all patience and control 
 
 of himself and yelled in still louder tones, "The d 
 
 take you; why don't you say certainly?" 
 
 "Certainly, certainly, cer " sputtered out Mike. 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 
 
 83 
 
 but before he could finish he found himself once more in 
 the hands of his father, who had one hand on Mike's 
 mouth, rendering him speechless. 
 
 "Hush, hush," demanded he in anger. ''Shut your 
 mouth, that's enough." And so saying he removed his 
 palm from his son's mouth. 
 
 Mike was so glad that he repeated his favorite pass 
 word and he admitted that he felt better at being able 
 to breath with ease. 
 
 'Tell me now, Mike, do you know how to make 
 love?" asked Andronico quietly. 
 "No," said Mike as usual. 
 
 "What's that you said? You do not? Why, yon 
 ought to be ashamed of yourself. To think that I have 
 been educating you for all these years and now to find 
 that I have simply been throwing my money away." 
 
 "Well, father, they never taught us any lesson like 
 that at college. They taught us mathematics, grammar, 
 geometry, algebra and such as that, so you see I am not 
 to blame for " 
 
 "Confound you idiot, love is not a lesson to be 
 taught at schools. They do not teach anything like that 
 there, I know it, but at the same time you oughl to have 
 read enough novels there to know what love is. It's a 
 lesson that young men learn themselves — assisted by 
 girls." 
 
 "Well, then, father, you ought to let me go to some 
 female college to learn it." 
 
 "What in the name of common sense are you talking 
 about? You belong in the woods where yon can hide 
 forever, if you are so green that you don't understand 
 that much." 
 
 Poor Mike did not like this reprimand from his 
 father. 
 
 "Wait, pa," he said, "I bet I can learn thai lesson 
 if you only tell me how." 
 
 "What's that you said? Tell yen how? Why the 
 idea! I would be ashamed of myself f<> say thai when 
 I was your age. Who was there when I was twenty-one 
 
84 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 to show me how to make love?" 
 
 ' ' But, pa, won 't you teach me how, please ? ' ' 
 
 "Well, let us try," Andronico replied absent mind- 
 edly, but at second thought he added severely, "but there 
 is no use to try, for you do not even know the theory of 
 it." 
 
 "But you do, father," Mike continued insisting, 
 "You know how and you can teach me also." 
 
 "It's useless," responded the angered father. 
 
 "Well then, father, get me a teacher and let her 
 show me." 
 
 "Shut up," commanded the father. "Why your 
 course at college has certainly ruined me and you both." 
 
 At that moment Andronico heard footsteps of some 
 one coming into the parlor, and, presuming that it was 
 the much-expected bride, he whispers to Mike warning- 
 ly, "Wait a minute, I hear some one coming and it's 
 probably her. Yes, there she comes, so I '11 leave you with 
 her. Now be careful. Preserve our reputation. Greet her 
 royally. Kiss her hands, her cheeks, her " 
 
 And before he finished his next sentence, Andronico 
 withdrew cautiously, leaving Mike in a surprised con- 
 dition. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Mike and Mary. 
 
 To the last orders of Andronico, Mike responded 
 with his long-forgotten ' ' certainly ' ' and upon hearing the 
 footsteps coming nearer he lost control of himself com- 
 pletely. He knew that he displeased his father, but lie 
 also knew that he was not to blame for it. His associa- 
 tion with the fair sex was narrowly limited. His associa- 
 tion with Cupid was strange — strange in the meaning 
 of the word as well as wonderfully strange. He wished 
 to love, he wished to conquer, and he wished to be loved, 
 but the idea alone was causing him to become a nervous 
 wreck. Poor fellow, why shouldn't he be amongst a 
 country that had abandoned with the ages the idea of 
 treating love as a scandal? At college they impressed 
 upon him the thought of considering love as attached to 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 85 
 
 frivolous persons. If lie was not uneducated, he was, 
 however, inexperienced of the world, which is equal to 
 blindness. 
 
 Mary, the nurse of Aspasie, entered the room, 
 which she considered to be vacant. She did not observe 
 Mike, who was stationed in the corner of the room, when 
 she exclaimed to herself: Well, if I am not mistaken, 
 that lover, that grand man of mine, will be here in a few 
 minutes," and so saving she attended to the brushing off 
 of the furniture. ' ' Dear Mr. Bright, ' ' she continued after 
 a short silence, with self satisfaction. 
 
 Poor Mike, who was praying to the Lord to deliver 
 him from that room, was not yet noticed, but he was ex- 
 cited bevond description; he thought that the girl for 
 which his father made him suffer that night was before 
 him, vet how could he begin his erotic start? How do 
 the other fellows do it?" he thought to himself con- 
 tinually. He decided to remain speechless and allow late 
 
 to take its course. .,.,„ lllf l 
 
 "Whv I love his verv name and worship the ground 
 upon which he walks," Mary continued, praising some 
 one, but to the ears of Mike everything sounded a mean- 
 ingless echo. He was dumbfounded. 
 
 <<I was watching through the kitchen window and 
 thought I saw him coming. He looked gi -anderthanever 
 in that uniform of his," again murmured Mary turning 
 toward the direction Mike was seated Her ^last word 
 was succeeded by a crv, which was caused b> the obs< i a 
 tionTpoor Mike, whom she saw crouched ap m the 
 
 COrD ^ay, who are you, guy? Who plated yon heret" 
 
 And after a short silence she added snulingh , alone 
 
 her ^'Ml"-nTe-e'h-ho," replied the all-excitod Mike 
 rising from hTs seat for a moment, only to iall back on it 
 more confused. . c . ,„ 
 
 "I am asking you what do you wish here, su 
 "You yes yyyooouuu," sputtered poor Mike, tremb- 
 ling and m serably nervous. Then turning has gese to- 
 ward the opposite direction of the room he mused m- 
 
86 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 wardly, "Oh, I can't do it, pa. Oh, mother, what is the 
 matter with me ? How dizzy I feel. Oh, my knees, my 
 back, my head, my stomach. I feel as if I were going up- 
 on a long trip — as if I were in a boat. I feel as if I were 
 going to vom — , " and although he did not finish his last 
 sentence, owing to the interruption from the impatient-be- 
 coming Mary. We presume, however, that he meant that 
 he felt as though he was going to supply the fish with the 
 meal that most water travelers generally contribute. 
 
 "Why don't you speak to me?" demanded Mary 
 again. 
 
 ''Me? Cer — tain — ly. Er — er — er — " Mike stam- 
 mered. 
 
 Mary, not knowing how to take the position of the 
 unexpected visitor, and for a response to his uncertain 
 words, she gave tooth for a tooth. "Er — er — er," she 
 mocked him laughingly. 
 
 At the sight of laughter Mike recovered sufficiently 
 to exclaim: "Ha, you smile, my darling. So you love me, 
 eh. I, too, love you and I like you, and I am going to 
 take you for my wife — and — " 
 
 ' ' What ? You love me ? You ? ' ' Mary interrupted in 
 surprise, and after a piercing and steady glance at Mike 's 
 eyes as though she was in search to discover if the man 
 before her was or was not a maniac, she added, laughing 
 sarcastically, "That sounds funny." 
 
 At the roar of second laughter Mike had recovered 
 fully. The sound of laughter drove his bashfulness away 
 arid at the same time assured him that there was no 
 danger of attack. Gathering all his courage in consolida- 
 tion like the Sultan of Turkey against the threatening 
 Bulgarian he seized with a desperate effort the hand of 
 Mary, exclaiming at the same time in the most ardent 
 manner: "Yes, my love, my swetheart, I love you. I am 
 crazy about you and I am going to marry you." So say- 
 ing he tried to place her hand where he could kiss it ac- 
 cording to the instructions from his father. 
 
 At this sudden change of conditions, Mary became 
 alarmed to a fainting extent. Fear tied her tongue for 
 several seconds, but gradually she recovered and tried to 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 87 
 
 be relieved of the unexpected visitor's attitude; yelling 
 at the top of her voice she commanded Mike to release her 
 hand. ' ' Oh you loafer, ' ' she said, < ' who are you ? What 
 do you want of me? Turn me loose I say or I'll call for 
 help Let go my hand, I say. You'll break it." 
 
 "I won't break your hand, my darling," said Mike 
 tenderly, at the same time trying to kiss Mary upon the 
 cheeks m compliance with Andronico's directions. "I 
 love you and I want you to be my own. I won't hurt 
 you," he continued sweetly. 
 
 "Take that, then," replied Mary in her final effort, 
 demonstrating her reply with a blow, which settled 
 squarely between Mike 's eyes. 
 
 "Oh my eyes! Father! Father!" screamed poor 
 Mike, releasing Mary's hand and rushing out of the room 
 crying at the top of his voice. 
 
 Mary was listening at the fading-in-the-distance 
 cries of Mike in summoning his father and she smiled 
 with self-satisfaction when she heard him call, "Father, 
 help; she poked my eye." 
 
 ' ' The brute — he nearly crushed my hand in his grip, ' ' 
 she mused. "Why, I never heard of such a thing in all my 
 life. He stuck to me like a leech, but I have the supreme 
 satisfaction of knowing that I drove him off and not be- 
 fore I had planted my fist well upon his eye." And while 
 Mary was engaged in her solitary conversation, Bright, 
 the brave policeman and fireman, entered. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Torture of Bright. 
 
 Bright is a man of thirty-eight winters — a young 
 man still. He is handsome and claims llie love of many 
 nurses and pretty little cooks of the neighborhood. Above 
 all, however, he has a special feeling for Mary, whom he 
 intends to call his wife in the near future. Soon thai day 
 Bright discovered — or thought Ik- discovered an op 
 ponent for whom Mary was entertaining equal feelings 
 as for him. The thought of it was piercing his hearl like 
 hot irons and more than once Ik- promised himself n<>! to 
 
THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 set his foot at the door of his once sweetheart. Yet, in 
 spite of all this he entered that very door at that moment, 
 though one hour later from his usual time. He did not 
 stick to his word, it is true, but can lovers stick to their 
 word? No. An old Greek saying is that the very moon 
 (usually the only witness) laughs at the mutual or soli- 
 tary oaths of lovers. Mary, who has been long waiting for 
 him, noticed that something was wrong with her lover, 
 for instead of his usual warm greeting he merely mutter- 
 ed "Hm." 
 
 "Well, this is a funny way you are greeting me to- 
 day, Bright," remarked Mary in wonder. "What makes 
 you so silent ? Whv that disturbed look upon your face ! ' ' 
 
 ' ' You let me alone ; I am mad, ' ' he demanded. 
 
 "But what is the matter with you? You must tell 
 
 me." 
 
 "Go away from me," shouted Bright wildly. 
 
 "My God, man, you have noarly scared me to death. 
 Don't break my heart. Now tell me." 
 
 "I'll break somebody's head directly if you don t 
 let me alone. ' ' 
 
 ' ' What, mine— your Mary 's ? ' ' 
 
 "Yes, yours. Go away from me, I say. I don't want 
 to see you any more. Away from my presence, untrue 
 and deceiving woman. ' ' 
 
 "I untrue and deceiving?" 
 
 ' ' Yes, you . Away from me, I don 't want to know you 
 from now on. I don 't even care for your friendship. 
 
 ' ' Do you mean that, Bright ? Do you mean what you 
 say? Or has something happened to your brains?" de- 
 manded Mary in surprise. 
 
 "I mean every bit of what I say, and my head and 
 brains are in good shape. There is no necessity for you 
 to ask about my health. I have found out what you 
 are." 
 
 Footsteps of some one approaching deprived Mary 
 from further controversy. Her attention was drawn to- 
 ward the new comer. She realized the seriousness of 
 Bright being found there and she hastened to inform him 
 of that fact, 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 89 
 
 "There is some one coming, Bright. Hide for good- 
 ness sake. If anybody shonld see you here I'll be a rum- 
 
 ^ g ''But tell me where in the D can I hide now? said 
 
 he, making a bee line for the door located at the left hand 
 
 side of the room. , ,, 
 
 Don't go in there, that's my master g j room. 
 u The % yon say," murmured Bright, now ex- 
 
 Clted ''<Here, here, get under this table. Hurry up," com- 
 manded Mary invitingly. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 The True Lovers. 
 Bright had scarcely stooped under ^ the table when 
 TTarrv entered Harry is a young man of twentj -one years 
 5 ^ H^is what an author would describe as a model 
 ol £*£ of present day <ffi*£±2S&Z& 
 SKS^a mfon hi'oXad. He is deeply in 
 
 ^^S^Ses^^d Harry as 
 
 S00 n as be entered. ^ ^^ s| , 
 
 Win, sue is , ,, M a vv gave emi'luisis 
 
 company-the groom, yon know. M* r^ g ■ 
 
 to her last words as though s I u > 
 described on the face of t^.^ ing "!;,„. „, ],„„ like a 
 news was shocking, Eo -Harry. ' „,„,,.,. 
 
 aSSSffl'SE^^ -d , sked her for 
 
 "■^ &?#«£*. *«"■«•* 
 
 married tb somebody else? 
 
 "Somebody else -^P^ble^^ 
 
 .ear'tS^mVcr I!: H # So saying Hto, departs 
 
90 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 toward her mistress' apartments to notify her that her 
 former lover was waiting. 
 
 Harry did not know how to take this unexpected 
 trial. "It is doubtless a joke," he mused. "Why it's 
 impossible. The idea, to think that my Aspasie went back 
 on me, never, never. I say and I repeat that it's impossi- 
 ble. But there she comes and I'll know the truth in a 
 short while. ' ' 
 
 At the approaching footsteps Aspasie appeared. She 
 is a young lady of nineteen Mays and the beautiful daugh- 
 ter of Ambrusio. She is a maiden of refinement and one 
 whose hand is sought by many, including Mr. Andronico 
 for his stupid son, Mike. Harry, however, had long been 
 considering Aspasie as his and had never doubted her de- 
 votion to him. 
 
 "Ha, ha, my boy," she said to her lover as a greeting, 
 as soon as she entered. 
 
 "What do I hear, Aspasie?" replied Harry coldly 
 and without returning the greeting. "Is it true that you 
 are fixing to get married?" 
 
 "Yes," said she, complaining!}', "it is true. But 
 oh, Harry, I am so unhappy. I am in distress. I don't 
 know what to do to escape this misery, this torture — to 
 escape this marriage which means death to me and to 
 think that my father prepared this for my misfortune, 
 for my destruction unaware of what he was doing." 
 
 If it means death for Aspasie, it means even worse 
 for Harry, if worse could possibly be considered. At 
 the revealing of the bitter truth Harry was a different 
 man. Poor lover! The castles that he was building with 
 his imagination were by a sudden shock falling to the 
 ground. The world without Aspasie was blank, was 
 black, was death, was fire. 
 
 "It is all true then?" he inquired once more in des- 
 pair and as though he was doubting his own ears. 
 
 "Unfortunately, yes," came the prompt reply and at 
 its sound Harry could not recognize it if it came from 
 the breath of Aspasie or from some evil spirit that was 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 91 
 
 attempting to exchange his happiness for grief. 
 
 "What do you advise me to do, Harry?" 
 
 "What to do?" he asked erroneously, "don't you 
 know what to do ? Why marry him, of course, ' ' he added 
 jealously. 
 
 "Harry, do not be so cruel. Won't you try to save 
 me from this awful calamity?" 
 
 ' ' How can you expect my help ? Have you not been 
 deceiving me, Aspasie?" 
 
 1 ' What ? ' ' exclaimed she hysterically, ' ' me deceive 
 you, dear?" 
 
 "Do you still love me., Aspasie?" Harry asked ear- 
 nestly as though he observed a slight ray of hope. 
 
 "Yes I do," she assured him, "with all my heart and 
 from the utmost depths of my soul." 
 
 Poor Bright, who had been listening to all this con- 
 versation from underneath the table, was praying that 
 Mary would only love him in the same way as Aspasie 
 was loving the man whose voice he could hear. 
 
 "Is it so, and shall I believe it?" once more inquired 
 Harry as though in a dream. 
 
 "Yes," said she softly, "and for further proof take a 
 little kiss, ' ' she added invitingly. 
 
 "The table cloth was raised slightly and the wide 
 opened eyes of Bright glanced for a second eagerly at 
 
 the embraced couple. 
 
 ' ' Now, Harry, we must plan some scheme by which to 
 destroy the plans that my father has arranged so care- 
 fully for me tonight. 
 
 "Do you promise me that you will do whatever I 
 propose?" 
 
 "Absolutely to the end of the world with you," she 
 assured him determinedly. Only now I must leave you, 
 because my father is waiting for me." 
 
 "I am satisfied, dear, good bye." 
 
 "Good bye for the present, dearest." 
 
92 
 
 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Surprise. 
 
 Harry watched his soul's star disappear and he lis- 
 tened to the noise of her footsteps until all were iaded m 
 the distance. Then with a sweet sigh he bought his 
 mind to the true condition of circumstances from the other 
 imaginary thoughts. Finding himself alone he feels that 
 he is confronting a more serious situation than he had 
 
 ^''Now how in the world am I going to prevent this 
 marriage," he mused in wonder. "I know what 1 11 do, 
 he continued thoughtfully, " I '11 go and hunt the strongest 
 whip that I can find and then find that miserable groom- 
 elect and apply it to his back with such force that he will 
 lie in the hospital long enough to give Aspasie and myselt 
 time to elope. By George, this is the best solution and 1 
 must be quick about it, and woe unto him when 1 lay my 
 hands upon his shoulders." 
 
 Bright, who had heard this conversation from under 
 the table was praying earnestly for his delivery from 
 that dangerous spot. He feared that the man who was 
 looking for the whip might discover him and give him 
 the beating before he had time to explain that he wasn t 
 the man he was looking for. At one time he decided that 
 he would come from under cover, but upon second tnougnt 
 decided it best not to. . 
 
 Harry, after his somewhat ridiculous decision, pre- 
 pared to depart, but he had barely reached the door when 
 he heard voices coming in the distance to the room and 
 he could plainly hear the argument and the words. 1 H 
 not bear this insult. I will have revenge." .,.,■- 
 
 "By George," he exclaimed, "I am in a devilisii nx 
 They are coming this way and I must not be found 
 
 ! - ~r 1 "T m H 1~ — - l yv-»'-»'4--i-»'-»-n./"\i"l YY1 11 Ql 71 O^ 
 
 in here. Where can I hide?" he continued musing 
 thoughtfully to himself. ' ' Ah, I have it. I '11 hide under- 
 neath this table." ,. , 
 
 He lifts the table cloth m compliance with his de- 
 cision and starts underneath, but just as.be is about to 
 crawl under, he comes in contact with what he thinks is 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 93 
 
 a dog and with a well placed kick lie commanded: "Get 
 out of there, you lazy dog." 
 
 "Hold on there. I am not the man you are looking 
 for," a voice exclaimed in response to his kick. 
 
 "What is that, a man under there?" he said to him- 
 self in surprise, "and I bet that he is the guy," he addeo) 
 gladly. 
 
 In the meantime the approaching voices were about 
 to enter the door and Harry decided to postpone his con- 
 versation and private business with the gentleman under 
 the table until some more convenient moment. The door 
 was swinging open when he darted underneath the table. 
 
 "Shut your mouth, he ordered Bright hastily, "not a 
 word." 
 
 "Don't push me that way," demanded Bright. "You 
 almost knocked me out of the table and by jingo if they 
 see me, they'll find you too, and then they'll make mince 
 meat out of us." 
 
 ' ' Shut up, or I '11 make mince meat out of you myself, 
 which I will do sooner or later. ' ' 
 
 "For heaven's sake quit kicking me," pleaded Bright 
 painfully. "You nearly kicked my corn from its roots. Oh, 
 my corn, my corn, ' ' he moaned sorrowfully. 
 
 "Shut up, I tell you, or I'll kick your head off." 
 
 Finally the low voices under the table ceased and the 
 new arrivals were in the room discussing, unaware of the 
 company underneath the table. Andronico was furious 
 for the mistreatment of his son Mike. 
 
 "Why the more I think about it the worse I feel, 
 said he nervously. "Why to think that she almost put his 
 eye out. It's a gross insult and they must answer me 
 for this. I'll have revenge." 
 
 "I wonder what that old man is grumbling about? 
 asked Bright of Harry in an undertone. 
 
 "Shut your mouth or we'll both be discovered. 
 
 "Quit kicking my corn I tell you. Wait until wo gel 
 out of here and then I '11 take it out of you. " 
 
 "It's impossible," said Ambrusio, "oi my daughter 
 to have mistreated your son, and I can never entertain 
 
94 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 such a thought." 
 
 "I cau't understand why you consider it impossi- 
 ble, when my boy's eye is swelled up and looks like an 
 egg plant. You may admit, however, that it is very ab- 
 surd and I do not intend to leave your house unavenged. 
 I'll duel with every member of your household if neces- 
 sary — male, female and neithers with every one of you. ' ' 
 
 "Be calm, Mr. Andronico, and I'll call my daughter 
 and have her apologize to you fully." 
 
 "All right," responded the all-excited Andronico, 
 "I demand satisfaction." 
 
 Ambrusio fearing that delay might prove fatal, sum- 
 moned his daughter and she was upon the scene shortly. 
 
 "Here I am, father, what do you wish?" said she 
 entering. 
 
 "Ah, there you are, you disgraceful child. Are you 
 not ashamed to appear before me after such conduct?" 
 
 "Well, father, I do not deny it, but I do not consider 
 it shameful, because you are the cause of me doing it. ' ' 
 
 "What's that vou sav? I am the cause of you doing 
 it?" 
 
 "Ha, ha," chirped Andronico, "You are the cause 
 and I demand double satisfaction from you." 
 
 ' ' What are you talking about anyway ? Do you mean 
 to say that I am the cause of you doing what you have?" 
 insisted Ambrusio in surprise. 
 
 "Yes, my dear father," assured Aspasie emphatical- 
 ly. "You are the cause,' because I love him with all my 
 heart. ' ' 
 
 "What is that you say? You love him?" 
 
 "Yes, father, and unless you'll consent to our mar- 
 riage, I'll commit suicide." 
 
 ' ' Well, I '11 swear ! What kind of devilish love do you 
 call that ? She loves him with all her heart and she near- 
 ly knocked his eye out," murmured Andronico." 
 
 "Eh, what? You love him and you slapped him in 
 the eye?" demanded the confused father of Aspasie 
 anxiously. 
 
 "Slapped who in the eye, father?" 
 
 At this point Mike interrupted further explanations 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 95 
 
 of this misunderstanding by his appearance at the door 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Satisfaction Received from the Table. 
 
 Mike was really disfigured. A wet handkerchief was 
 bandaging his eye and when he entered the room his hand 
 was placed flat against the surface of the painful or°- a n 
 As soon as he recognized his father, he exclaimed com- 
 plammgly : " Let us go, pa ; I don 't want her for my wife. ' ' 
 
 "Look, look," demanded Andronico of Ambrusio at 
 the sight of his son. "Look, and if you dare not, give me 
 satisfaction. ' ' 
 
 ' ' There she is Pa, ' ' continued Mike, pointing at Mary 
 "That's the one who hit me." 
 
 "What?" demanded Andronico stunned, "Have you 
 been making love to the nurse instead of the girl that I 
 told you — her mistress?" 
 
 ''Certainly," responded Mike amazed. 
 
 "Stupid! I have half a mind to knock your other eye 
 and head off your shoulders." 
 
 "Are you the one who hit the boy then, idiot?" yell- 
 ed Ambrusio to the nurse sharply. 
 
 "I demand satisfaction," shouted Andronico. 
 
 ''Certainly," added Mike. 
 
 "Give your reasons at once and beg the gentleman's 
 pardon," ordered Ambrusio. 
 
 "Well, I'll explain," said Mary, "you see, he came 
 here and tried to make love to me. I did not like the color 
 of his eyes, because I am crazy about black eyes, and his 
 were blue. He insisted on making love to me and held my 
 hand until I thought he would break it. I told him to t am 
 me loose and when he refused, I hit him in the fare and 
 you can see I came pretty near hitting 1 lie spot." 
 
 "Let us carry that nurse to the police station, Pa," 
 pleaded Mike fitfully. 
 
 "No, no, I'll fight her a duel myself," said Andronico 
 determinedly. 
 
 "Certainly," agreed Mike. 
 
 "Go to the devil," his father told him. 
 
 "Certainly," accepted Mike. 
 
 "There is no use of all that rude language, Mr. An- 
 
96 THOUGHTS OF A GREEK 
 
 dronico, because, besides the fact that we are in the pres- 
 ence of ladies. Yon must admit that your son is too comi- 
 cal to be in company with well-bred people, ' ' advised Am- 
 brusio kindly. 
 
 ' ' No, never. I won 't admit anything. I '11 have satis- 
 faction here and now — with the leg of this table. ' ' 
 
 To the utter surprise of Andronico, however, and to 
 the astonishment of all, instead of catching the leg of the 
 table, he pulled Bright out by the leg. 
 
 Harry rose from his hiding place voluntarily and ap- 
 peared, also adding more surprise to Andronico and Am- 
 brusio. Aspasie was not strangely surprised, in spite of 
 the fact that she did not expect to see her lover at that 
 critical moment, Mary changed colors in succession from 
 red to pale and from that to blue. Mike was observing 
 the situation as though nothing happened. 
 
 Andronico was the first to break the silent confusion. 
 "What does all this mean?" said he amazedly. 
 "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" Am- 
 brusio seconded. 
 
 "Ladies and gentlemen," said Harry with self con- 
 trol, ' ' this man and I were hidden under that table be- 
 cause " 
 
 "Enough, enough," shouted the enraged Ambrusio, 
 ' ' I am asking you what business have you in here. ' ' 
 
 "Father," said Aspasie, realizing the difficulty in 
 which her lover was plunged, "This is Harry, the man 
 that I love and of whom I told you before that unless 
 you'll consent to our marriage I'll commit suicide." 
 
 "And this, Mr. Ambrusio," said Mary, "is Bright, 
 the fireman, who put the fire out of our chimney." 
 
 Ambrusio welled the emotion of protest in his throat 
 when he glanced at the ambitious looking young man who 
 was holding the hand of his daughter murmuring to her 
 encouraging words and thanks for her protection. He 
 realized that the situation was finding its own level and 
 adjusting itself. Turning to his old friend and comrade, 
 he said decidedly: "Andronico, I am very sorry. I 
 wanted to be kind and friendly toward you, but you see 
 my daughter loves another and it appears to me that their 
 
CERTAINLY! CERTAINLY! 97 
 
 love is inseparable." 
 
 Andronico, who was considerably softened from the 
 appealing scene of the lovers, appeared to be determined 
 not to interject any more invitations to duels, but when 
 he caught sight of Mike, his disfigured shape demanded 
 of him once more to say: "I must have satisfaction." 
 tion." 
 
 ' ' Certainly, certainly, ' ' was again heard from the lips 
 of Mike. 
 
 "Shut your mouth," Andronico yelled disgustedly. 
 "You have made a devil of a mess with that 'certainly, 
 certainly' of yours." 
 
 ' ' Certainly, Certain ' ' 
 
 All were happy now and before Mike had finished his 
 second "certainly" a general chorus arose from all: 
 "Shut up!" 
 
98 THOUGHTS OP A GREEK 
 
 THUS SAITH THE LORD. 
 
 ' ' Give and it shall be given unto you. ' ' 
 
 "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is 
 merciful. ' ' 
 
 "Take care of him and whatsoever thou spend- 
 est more, when I come again I will repay thee." 
 
 "And there came a certain poor widow, and she 
 threw in two mites." 
 
 "He reigns above Who has power to stop the raging 
 war." 
 
 "Help the helpless." 
 
 "And he (the fool) thought within himself, saying: 
 'what shall I do, because I have no room where to be- 
 stow my fruit?' " 
 
 "Whosoever exalteth himself shall be abashed, and 
 he that humbleth himself shall be exalted." 
 
 "When thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maim- 
 ed, the lame, the blind." 
 
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 V